WEBVTT

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Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

2
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<i>No
No</i>

3
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<i>No
No</i>

4
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<i>No</i>

5
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<i>No, she don't mess around
No, she don't mess around</i>

6
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100% blue agave.

7
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Taste it.

8
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Look, Mike, I like you.

9
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But no one's looking for
another brand of tequila.

10
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They've got the three...
What is it?

11
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The Cuervo, the other one,
and the third one.

12
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And they don't
need more tequila.

13
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If I can't sell it,
it's not gonna sell.

14
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People want the new-new.

15
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-The "new-new"?
-The "new-new."

16
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They want that new-new.

17
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No!

18
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What if I could sell this
tequila to a customer?

19
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-Would I have your order then?
-Yeah, sure.

20
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And I'm just gonna pick
a customer at random.

21
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Excuse me, sir.

22
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Do you enjoy the
taste of tequila?

23
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Why, yes, I do.

24
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But I only drink my particular brand,
and you will not convince me otherwise.

25
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-It's a perfect candidate.
-Because it's your brother!

26
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I know that's your brother.

27
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He dated my niece.

28
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Look, mate, I don't
know your niece.

29
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-Okay.
-But if I did...

30
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I'd say she was a little clingy, and
she'd freak a lot of people out.

31
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<i>We play Wards With Friends
together, right?</i>

32
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-Dave, right?
-Name's Rick. Just got in from Melbourne.

33
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His name's Rick.

34
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I know he's your brother.

35
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Look, look, look. You guys
are funny, you're weird.

36
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We do this every couple weeks...

37
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All right, I'll take 10 cases.

38
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-Fuck, yes!
-Yes!

39
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Yes! I knew it!

40
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We sold your ass, Randy!

41
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I don't know if
that's what happened.

42
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-It was the hat, right?
-Was it the hat?

43
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I just found this over there.

44
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<i>Do something crazy</i>

45
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<i>Live like it's Mardi Gras</i>

46
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<i>And go jump
Make the party start</i>

47
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<i>Don't need no R&R</i>

48
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<i>To regular life, I say au revoir</i>

49
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<i>Yay! Living life
in the fast lane</i>

50
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<i>Now your pain only be champagne</i>

51
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<i>So please comejoin me
One thing, good vibes only</i>

52
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<i>Start the keg
{mine fill my cup</i>

53
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<i>Got fireworks, got booze
Let's blow some shit up</i>

54
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<i>Tonight I'm going stupid</i>

55
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<i>Doing things I've never done</i>

56
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<i>We all got one thing in common</i>

57
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<i>We just wanna have fun</i>

58
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<i>Do something crazy</i>

59
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<i>aka Y</i>

60
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<i>Do something crazy</i>

61
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<i>Do what you wanna do</i>

62
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<i>Do something crazy</i>

63
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<i>I'm about to do</i>

64
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<i>I'm about to do</i>

65
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<i>Do something crazy</i>

66
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<i>Do something crazy</i>

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<i>Do something wild</i>

68
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<i>Rolling with the homies</i>

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<i>Chicks by my side</i>

70
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<i>Live for the moment</i>

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<i>All of the time</i>

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<i>Turn up the music</i>

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<i>Only good vibes</i>

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Sorry to throw
the accent at you, bro.

75
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No, dude. I loved it,
and it kept me in the now.

76
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Do you realize that that sale puts
us at number three in the office?

77
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The Stangle bros are killing it
right now!

78
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It's not an actual hat.
They just call it a jimmy hat.

79
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If you wear two, they break.

80
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-It's an urban legend...
-No, it's not.

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Mom, Dad?

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Jeanie. Eric.

83
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Don't freak out.
I don't want you to freak out.

84
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Just come on in.

85
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Why don't we all
just sit down?

86
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We gotta talk to you.

87
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We wanna discuss
Jeanie and Eric's wedding.

88
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-Sweet.
-Okay.

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Are you guys thinking DJ or band?
First thought, band, right?

90
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No. People want to
hear the real songs.

91
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You don't want to hear a guy
singing Beyoncé.

92
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You just want to hear Beyoncé.

93
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Yeah, but we want
to talk about...

94
00:04:04.077 --> 00:04:05.886
is you two.

95
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Now, over the years...

96
00:04:09.048 --> 00:04:11.961
a theme has emerged
at our family gatherings.

97
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Everyone's having a good time...

98
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-That's right.
-Things are going smoothly.

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Party time.

100
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And then you two show up...

101
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stag...

102
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and you hit on girls...

103
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you act like idiots...

104
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and you ruin it.

105
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Ruin it.

106
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What? We are not party ruiners!

107
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We're party creators!

108
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And besides, when have we ever
ruined a family event?

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We thought you might say that.

110
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Yep, here we go.
And we just stream it.

111
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Apple TV.

112
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We just need your password.

113
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-Bryan's baby dick 69.
-Yeah.

114
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Bryan's baby dick 69.

115
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What the fuck, guys? Really?

116
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-Got it. Yep.
-Is that it?

117
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Good.

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<i>Happy Fourth of July!</i>

119
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<i>Shit!</i>

120
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It was fun up to that point.

121
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<i>God damn it! My trailer!</i>

122
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Shit.

123
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Actually, this is what
we're trying to avoid.

124
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<i>-The both of you are fucking idiots.
-Fucking losers!</i>

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<i>Grandpa, wake up! Take his tie.</i>

126
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Are you saying we had something
to do with Grandfather's death?

127
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He died five years after that!

128
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That is a lot of guilt
to put us. Shame on you.

129
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Plus, this video only shows
the screw-ups.

130
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Where's the epic tracking
shots of smiling faces?

131
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And everybody looking at us,
just going...

132
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"God, I love Mike and Dave.

133
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"They made this whole
party worth it."

134
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When are the two of you
going to grow up?

135
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This shtick was
cute for a while...

136
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but it's gotten stale.

137
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Mom, come on, what are you...

138
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You're talking about us like we're
a couple of losers or something.

139
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What we don't want you to do is go
chasing girls and get out of control.

140
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You understand?

141
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Wait, we can still
talk to girls, right?

142
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You can each talk to one girl.

143
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The girls that you
bring to the wedding.

144
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What do you mean?

145
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I want you to bring a date.

146
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That's two dates.

147
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You want us to bring
dates to a wedding?

148
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Excuse me?

149
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Are you allowed to do that?

150
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Nice, respectable, smart girls!

151
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Keep you in line.

152
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-What the fuck?
-What?

153
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-Are you insane?
-You're kidding.

154
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You are not screwing up this
wedding. Do you hear me?

155
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Mom, do you hear this river of horse
shit coming out of Dad's mouth?

156
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We don't want you showing up
stag and riling each other up!

157
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-We don't rile each other up!
-We never get riled up!

158
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-I don't get riled!
-He doesn't and I don't, either!

159
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Look at you right now!
You're riled!

160
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-Take your head out of your ass, Dad!
-You sound insane right now.

161
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Everybody stop yelling! Okay?

162
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You guys bringing wedding dates
was my idea.

163
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Look, I love the shit
out of you guys.

164
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But everyone is already stressed
out about this wedding...

165
00:07:03.222 --> 00:07:05.964
and I just need you to be cool.

166
00:07:06.859 --> 00:07:07.860
Of course, Jeanie!

167
00:07:08.094 --> 00:07:09.368
Please?

168
00:07:09.529 --> 00:07:10.564
For me?

169
00:07:10.797 --> 00:07:13.141
I promise. We would never do
anything to mess up your wedding.

170
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Jeanie, we love you.

171
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We want this to be
the best day of your life.

172
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Yeah.

173
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You, too, Eric.

174
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Thank you.

175
00:07:20.606 --> 00:07:21.607
Mostly you, though, Jeanie.

176
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If you want us to bring dates,
we're bringing dates.

177
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All right, it's settled then.

178
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Wedding dates!

179
00:07:29.048 --> 00:07:31.585
Dave, buddy, let me talk to you
for a second, okay? Listen.

180
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I'm sorry to lump
you in with Mike...

181
00:07:33.986 --> 00:07:35.659
but if I only told your older
brother to bring a date...

182
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he'd get all weird about it.

183
00:07:37.657 --> 00:07:39.728
I just feel like he's
holding you back.

184
00:07:39.892 --> 00:07:41.428
Dad, I don't mind
being lumped in with Mike.

185
00:07:41.661 --> 00:07:43.004
Do you remember
the fifth grade bake sale...

186
00:07:43.162 --> 00:07:44.197
when Mom made those cupcakes...

187
00:07:44.464 --> 00:07:45.636
and I called them moist?

188
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Everyone called me Moist...

189
00:07:48.267 --> 00:07:50.178
till Mike took a cupcake...

190
00:07:50.336 --> 00:07:52.976
and shoved it in
Tom Ginty's face.

191
00:07:53.139 --> 00:07:56.450
He said, "Now you're
moist, Moist."

192
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That's the kind of guy Mike is.

193
00:07:59.946 --> 00:08:01.482
So, think on that...

194
00:08:02.415 --> 00:08:03.621
Dad.

195
00:08:05.918 --> 00:08:08.023
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end
that on such a weird note, Dad.

196
00:08:08.120 --> 00:08:10.191
-I love you. And thanks.
-Good. I don't want you to be mad.

197
00:08:10.289 --> 00:08:11.427
I'm not even mad.
I'm not even upset.

198
00:08:11.491 --> 00:08:12.526
We're gonna find some dates.

199
00:08:13.659 --> 00:08:16.230
I gotta say, some nights,
lam not looking my best.

200
00:08:16.496 --> 00:08:18.442
But tonight is not
one of those nights!

201
00:08:19.632 --> 00:08:20.838
-Do you like my hair?
-Yeah, girl.

202
00:08:21.000 --> 00:08:22.502
-You look good.
-No.

203
00:08:22.668 --> 00:08:23.840
We're gonna make a
lot of tips tonight.

204
00:08:24.103 --> 00:08:26.014
Good. We need it.
We don't have any money.

205
00:08:26.339 --> 00:08:27.977
You got money for
this ride, don't you?

206
00:08:28.474 --> 00:08:29.817
-Yeah, yeah, yeah!
-Yeah, yeah, yeah!

207
00:08:29.876 --> 00:08:30.877
'Cause you have money?

208
00:08:30.943 --> 00:08:31.978
I thought you had money.

209
00:08:32.044 --> 00:08:33.045
I don't have any money.

210
00:08:33.112 --> 00:08:34.113
You know I don't have money.

211
00:08:34.180 --> 00:08:36.717
Yeah, y'all are whispering like
people that don't got money.

212
00:08:36.883 --> 00:08:38.328
Check it out. I'mma
pay you right now.

213
00:08:38.784 --> 00:08:40.161
Boop. I Apple Paid.

214
00:08:40.219 --> 00:08:41.357
I don't even have Apple Pay.

215
00:08:41.654 --> 00:08:43.395
Yo, Siri, pay this man.

216
00:08:43.689 --> 00:08:44.690
He's already paid.

217
00:08:44.757 --> 00:08:45.758
God damn it!

218
00:08:45.825 --> 00:08:48.237
I'm not gonna take shit from
you, because this my cab.

219
00:08:48.394 --> 00:08:49.839
You shouldn't take shit from us.

220
00:08:49.896 --> 00:08:52.137
-You should kick us out!
-You should kick us out of this cab.

221
00:08:52.198 --> 00:08:55.304
You know what? I'm gonna kick
you the fuck out of this cab.

222
00:08:55.368 --> 00:08:57.609
Yeah, just go three more
blocks up on the right...

223
00:08:57.670 --> 00:08:58.705
and then kick us out!

224
00:08:59.071 --> 00:09:00.846
Here we are!

225
00:09:01.207 --> 00:09:02.208
Get out of my cab.

226
00:09:02.375 --> 00:09:03.683
Thank you. You're a
really good person.

227
00:09:03.843 --> 00:09:04.878
Okay, God bless you.

228
00:09:05.044 --> 00:09:07.524
I'm just gonna start
driving for Uber. Fuck it.

229
00:09:07.980 --> 00:09:08.981
I got a good idea.

230
00:09:09.148 --> 00:09:10.821
Let's pop off, get a couple
of drinks before work.

231
00:09:10.983 --> 00:09:13.054
Just a few, because I don't
want to get hammered.

232
00:09:13.219 --> 00:09:14.721
Yeah, of course not.
Just a light buzz.

233
00:09:21.327 --> 00:09:22.704
Hey, hey, he?!

234
00:09:22.862 --> 00:09:24.398
Welcome to Sake Bombers...

235
00:09:24.564 --> 00:09:26.771
where your first
Sake Bomb is on us!

236
00:09:26.933 --> 00:09:28.844
-Kaboom!
-You're drunk, Alice.

237
00:09:29.068 --> 00:09:30.706
You're doing that thing
where you're whispering,

238
00:09:30.770 --> 00:09:31.908
but you're really yelling.

239
00:09:32.071 --> 00:09:33.379
Because I'm upset with you.

240
00:09:33.539 --> 00:09:34.574
What the hell?

241
00:09:34.740 --> 00:09:36.014
I don't understand
why you just started

242
00:09:36.075 --> 00:09:37.076
yelling at me for no reason.

243
00:09:37.143 --> 00:09:38.645
What the hell is going on here?

244
00:09:38.744 --> 00:09:39.950
Your little buddy is shit-faced.

245
00:09:41.113 --> 00:09:42.387
Straight up.

246
00:09:42.548 --> 00:09:44.892
Her fiancé just left
her at the altar.

247
00:09:45.184 --> 00:09:46.185
She's been going
through a hard time.

248
00:09:46.252 --> 00:09:48.357
-Are you guys talking about me?
-No, baby girl.

249
00:09:48.421 --> 00:09:49.900
You know how many times
I have come in here...

250
00:09:50.056 --> 00:09:54.004
and she is drunk off her fucking
ass, dancing on the tables?

251
00:09:54.126 --> 00:09:57.300
Only when Rihanna comes on,
because it's my jam.

252
00:09:57.463 --> 00:09:59.204
I am a strong independent woman.

253
00:09:59.465 --> 00:10:03.038
And I will get on a table
and shake my shit to RiRi.

254
00:10:03.202 --> 00:10:05.204
Because it's my right.
America!

255
00:10:05.271 --> 00:10:06.272
Feminism!

256
00:10:06.439 --> 00:10:07.884
You just push your tits up
and say feminism?

257
00:10:08.040 --> 00:10:09.417
Yeah. Read a Twitter.

258
00:10:09.842 --> 00:10:12.686
#2016. Women can do shit now.

259
00:10:12.745 --> 00:10:13.746
<i>(Oil/L Y GIRL IN
THE WORLD PLAYING}</i>

260
00:10:15.481 --> 00:10:16.926
Don't do that!

261
00:10:17.083 --> 00:10:18.585
Who put her jam on?

262
00:10:18.884 --> 00:10:20.921
Queen RiRi, forever!

263
00:10:21.087 --> 00:10:22.998
I'm really sorry
that I got us fired.

264
00:10:23.255 --> 00:10:25.462
I'm just sort of surprised
it didn't happen sooner...

265
00:10:25.625 --> 00:10:27.070
-but I'm still really sorry.
-Hey!

266
00:10:27.560 --> 00:10:30.473
Alice, you do not apologize
right now, okay?

267
00:10:30.563 --> 00:10:31.667
You didn't do one thing wrong.

268
00:10:31.897 --> 00:10:34.138
-Okay.
-People need to get in line with you.

269
00:10:34.300 --> 00:10:36.337
Right. You're right.

270
00:10:36.502 --> 00:10:38.243
Alice, why are you watching
your wedding video?

271
00:10:38.404 --> 00:10:39.474
AndA/ice...

272
00:10:39.639 --> 00:10:40.913
<i>do you take Luke?</i>

273
00:10:40.973 --> 00:10:42.008
<i>I do.</i>

274
00:10:42.074 --> 00:10:43.075
Because it's therapeutic.

275
00:10:43.676 --> 00:10:44.950
The more I watch it,
the less I feel.

276
00:10:45.077 --> 00:10:46.147
<i>And do you,
Luke, take Alice?</i>

277
00:10:46.345 --> 00:10:47.346
<i>Ida...</i>

278
00:10:47.780 --> 00:10:48.781
<i>not.</i>

279
00:10:51.317 --> 00:10:52.523
<i>Man. Fuck you, Luke.</i>

280
00:10:53.052 --> 00:10:54.326
Fuck that guy.

281
00:10:54.587 --> 00:10:55.827
Fuck him right in his dick.

282
00:10:55.988 --> 00:10:57.023
No!

283
00:10:57.189 --> 00:11:00.966
Because now I'm picturing his dick
getting fucked by another dick.

284
00:11:01.127 --> 00:11:02.538
And it makes me
want to protect it.

285
00:11:03.863 --> 00:11:06.343
My God, girl! Damn!

286
00:11:06.499 --> 00:11:08.172
You're better than this.
Come on!

287
00:11:08.334 --> 00:11:09.813
We're T and A!

288
00:11:09.969 --> 00:11:12.472
Where's the Alice who made
vodka pot brownies with me...

289
00:11:12.638 --> 00:11:14.015
for the junior
high science fair?

290
00:11:14.173 --> 00:11:15.652
Or gave us water balloon tits

291
00:11:15.708 --> 00:11:17.312
and we won that wet T-shirt
contest in Mexico?

292
00:11:17.476 --> 00:11:19.615
Yeah, they were so nice.

293
00:11:19.779 --> 00:11:21.452
I know, dude. We need that shit.

294
00:11:21.714 --> 00:11:23.284
I'm tired of living like this.

295
00:11:24.283 --> 00:11:25.853
We need an adventure.

296
00:11:27.987 --> 00:11:30.365
We've got a great little package
we're selling here, man.

297
00:11:30.523 --> 00:11:32.799
A week in a tropical paradise...

298
00:11:32.958 --> 00:11:35.905
with two fun-loving,
yet surprisingly well-read bros?

299
00:11:36.028 --> 00:11:37.029
Yeah.

300
00:11:37.096 --> 00:11:38.871
I read most of the Goosebumps
series, and so did you.

301
00:11:38.931 --> 00:11:39.932
Yeah.

302
00:11:39.999 --> 00:11:41.000
Where do I sign up?

303
00:11:41.067 --> 00:11:42.273
Dude, focus.

304
00:11:42.334 --> 00:11:44.075
-Okay.
-This is for Jeanie.

305
00:11:44.336 --> 00:11:46.748
So to find the perfect fun,
but nice girls...

306
00:11:46.839 --> 00:11:47.840
we're gonna have to
meet a lot of them.

307
00:11:48.274 --> 00:11:49.275
The Internet!

308
00:11:49.508 --> 00:11:50.509
That's a good idea.

309
00:11:50.743 --> 00:11:52.222
Match.com, Tinder...

310
00:11:52.378 --> 00:11:53.948
Grindr, OkCupid.

311
00:11:54.013 --> 00:11:55.014
Craigslist!

312
00:11:55.181 --> 00:11:56.251
Craigslist?

313
00:11:56.315 --> 00:11:58.420
Craigslist, you think, that's
where you go to meet nice girls?

314
00:11:58.517 --> 00:11:59.689
Dave?

315
00:11:59.852 --> 00:12:01.525
We met this couch on Craigslist.

316
00:12:02.388 --> 00:12:04.629
And you wuv this
couch, don't you?

317
00:12:05.691 --> 00:12:07.830
I do love that couch.

318
00:12:08.694 --> 00:12:10.264
I'm gonna unlock
the swag on this bitch.

319
00:12:10.596 --> 00:12:11.597
All right.

320
00:12:11.664 --> 00:12:14.304
Here you go. Just take a little
sip. Take a little nip-a-roo.

321
00:12:17.770 --> 00:12:18.771
Boom!

322
00:12:19.672 --> 00:12:20.980
Do you think anyone's even
really gonna see this?

323
00:12:21.040 --> 00:12:22.041
God, I hope so.

324
00:12:22.341 --> 00:12:23.513
Like max, what do you think?

325
00:12:23.676 --> 00:12:26.350
We're gonna get, like, five or
six dates out of this, or what?

326
00:12:26.512 --> 00:12:28.116
I'd be happy with that.

327
00:12:34.120 --> 00:12:35.155
Hey.

328
00:12:35.221 --> 00:12:37.667
Did you see this thing that
Shelly's sending around the office?

329
00:12:37.890 --> 00:12:39.961
It's a free trip to Hawaii!

330
00:12:40.126 --> 00:12:41.696
Look what someone
posted to my Facebook.

331
00:12:41.761 --> 00:12:44.071
<i>-I gotta tweet this out.
-Those guys are cute.</i>

332
00:12:44.230 --> 00:12:45.265
<i>Ala-hat!</i>

333
00:12:45.431 --> 00:12:46.705
<i>ALL". I got the
one on the right.</i>

334
00:12:46.866 --> 00:12:48.470
I like the one on the right.

335
00:12:48.634 --> 00:12:49.635
I got the one on the right.

336
00:12:49.702 --> 00:12:51.943
I like the one on the right.

337
00:12:52.071 --> 00:12:53.072
We gotta send this to everyone.

338
00:12:53.139 --> 00:12:54.174
<i>Let's all apply!</i>

339
00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:55.275
<i>WOMAN Z". I want
to go to Hawaii.</i>

340
00:12:55.374 --> 00:12:56.375
<i>{just emailed them.</i>

341
00:12:56.442 --> 00:12:57.648
<i>Let's just meet them,
give 'em a chance.</i>

342
00:12:57.710 --> 00:12:59.815
So, you guys want
to go to a wedding?

343
00:13:01.447 --> 00:13:02.482
What are your names?

344
00:13:04.150 --> 00:13:05.151
Do you guys have names?

345
00:13:06.786 --> 00:13:09.665
Basically we were looking
through Craigslist for work.

346
00:13:10.322 --> 00:13:11.494
You're both...

347
00:13:11.557 --> 00:13:12.558
Prostitutes.

348
00:13:12.825 --> 00:13:14.361
Whatever. Take us to Hawaii!

349
00:13:14.426 --> 00:13:15.427
Hawaii!

350
00:13:18.564 --> 00:13:19.872
We can't take you.

351
00:13:19.932 --> 00:13:20.933
No way.

352
00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:23.276
Did you guys say something about an
all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii?

353
00:13:23.502 --> 00:13:24.640
It's just for girls.

354
00:13:25.004 --> 00:13:26.779
That's not a deal breaker.

355
00:13:27.006 --> 00:13:28.110
Hi, my name is Lauralie...

356
00:13:28.274 --> 00:13:29.582
and I'm kind of new to this.

357
00:13:29.642 --> 00:13:30.643
Yeah.

358
00:13:30.709 --> 00:13:31.847
You're new to...

359
00:13:32.144 --> 00:13:33.623
Online dating. Yeah.

360
00:13:33.779 --> 00:13:36.157
I'm not really looking for a
heteronormative relationship.

361
00:13:36.282 --> 00:13:38.853
-You look like a Nike swoosh.
-Goddamn right, I do.

362
00:13:39.018 --> 00:13:40.019
I work at a dog shelter.

363
00:13:40.286 --> 00:13:41.663
Our sister loves dogs.

364
00:13:41.821 --> 00:13:42.993
I wanna make sure
they get really good homes.

365
00:13:43.055 --> 00:13:44.056
What's a good home?

366
00:13:44.623 --> 00:13:45.863
The white homes.

367
00:13:46.025 --> 00:13:47.971
-The what homes?
-The white homes.

368
00:13:48.127 --> 00:13:49.333
Like white people.

369
00:13:51.797 --> 00:13:53.333
Check, please.

370
00:13:53.632 --> 00:13:55.703
This isn't lipstick. This
is a tattoo, you dumb fuck.

371
00:13:57.703 --> 00:14:00.547
Who are you laughing at? Who?

372
00:14:00.806 --> 00:14:01.978
All right, look,
here's the deal.

373
00:14:02.274 --> 00:14:04.481
I went through a divorce, like,
three weeks ago. I need a vacation.

374
00:14:04.777 --> 00:14:06.154
No.

375
00:14:06.212 --> 00:14:07.213
Okay, you guys sure
you don't want to fuck?

376
00:14:07.313 --> 00:14:08.314
-What?
-Nothing.

377
00:14:08.447 --> 00:14:09.482
-What did you say?
-Nothing.

378
00:14:09.548 --> 00:14:11.858
Sounded like you said,
"Do you wanna fuck?"

379
00:14:11.917 --> 00:14:12.918
Do you wanna fuck?

380
00:14:13.052 --> 00:14:14.087
-What?
-What?

381
00:14:14.153 --> 00:14:15.461
-What?
-You guys...

382
00:14:15.621 --> 00:14:16.725
-Do you want me to fuck you?
-No.

383
00:14:16.889 --> 00:14:18.368
-No.
-I didn't say it, but...

384
00:14:18.457 --> 00:14:20.596
-I'll suck your dick right now. What?
-What?

385
00:14:27.199 --> 00:14:28.200
Welcome back.

386
00:14:28.367 --> 00:14:30.540
I'm here with Mike
and Dave Stangle...

387
00:14:30.703 --> 00:14:32.376
who posted an ad
on Craigslist...

388
00:14:32.538 --> 00:14:34.279
looking for dates
for their sister's wedding...

389
00:14:34.540 --> 00:14:36.577
<i>in Oahu, Hawaii.</i>

390
00:14:36.742 --> 00:14:37.846
<i>Well, the ad went viral.</i>

391
00:14:39.211 --> 00:14:41.589
<i>It racked up over
6,000 responses...</i>

392
00:14:41.747 --> 00:14:43.988
<i>from women who
actually wanted to go.</i>

393
00:14:44.049 --> 00:14:45.050
<i>Yeah, well, who's counting?</i>

394
00:14:45.217 --> 00:14:46.662
<i>You know, I guess we all are.</i>

395
00:14:46.886 --> 00:14:47.921
<i>Is this my close-up?</i>

396
00:14:48.087 --> 00:14:49.589
<i>You guys, come on. Craigslist?</i>

397
00:14:49.755 --> 00:14:52.167
<i>Honestly, this is about
finding nice girls...</i>

398
00:14:52.324 --> 00:14:54.668
<i>to go with us to Hawaii
for our sister's wedding.</i>

399
00:14:54.827 --> 00:14:55.999
<i>And {just want to reiterate...</i>

400
00:14:56.161 --> 00:14:58.641
<i>we 're footing the bill for this
because we 're gentlemen.</i>

401
00:14:58.898 --> 00:14:59.933
Free trip to Hawaii?

402
00:15:00.566 --> 00:15:01.601
I'm awake!

403
00:15:01.667 --> 00:15:02.941
<i>-Come on. Craigslist.
-What's up?</i>

404
00:15:03.102 --> 00:15:04.513
<i>That's where you go
to buy old patio furniture.</i>

405
00:15:04.670 --> 00:15:05.910
<i>You know what else you can find
on Craigslist?</i>

406
00:15:07.539 --> 00:15:08.882
<i>Love...</i>

407
00:15:09.041 --> 00:15:11.214
<i>That's right. I said it.</i>

408
00:15:11.377 --> 00:15:13.050
-Love.
-That one seems sweet.

409
00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:15.350
He has a kind soul.

410
00:15:15.514 --> 00:15:17.516
Yeah, and he's also super hot.

411
00:15:19.385 --> 00:15:21.228
Yeah, he's hot as fucking balls.

412
00:15:21.387 --> 00:15:23.799
<i>But just to repeat,
we're looking for nice girls.</i>

413
00:15:23.956 --> 00:15:27.233
<i>Like, girls that our mom
and our sister would like.</i>

414
00:15:27.393 --> 00:15:30.738
Okay, look, dude,
we are going to Hawaii.

415
00:15:30.963 --> 00:15:32.340
Let's go on vacation.

416
00:15:32.631 --> 00:15:34.406
But it's not a vacation.
It's a wedding.

417
00:15:34.700 --> 00:15:36.976
Do you really think a wedding's
the best place for me?

418
00:15:37.136 --> 00:15:40.413
Since the last wedding I went to
was mine...

419
00:15:40.572 --> 00:15:42.074
and it didn't turn
out very well.

420
00:15:42.141 --> 00:15:43.142
I hear you, but look...

421
00:15:43.375 --> 00:15:45.821
this shit is why this shit
is perfect, okay?

422
00:15:45.978 --> 00:15:48.151
Because ever since Luke left,
you haven't been the same.

423
00:15:48.447 --> 00:15:50.893
You need to get over that
, once and for all.

424
00:15:51.050 --> 00:15:52.154
And this our shot, man.

425
00:15:52.451 --> 00:15:54.431
That dude,
he's gonna get your groove back.

426
00:15:54.653 --> 00:15:57.657
This right here is an
opportunity of a lifetime...

427
00:15:57.823 --> 00:15:59.996
and you know we are
entrepreneurs.

428
00:16:00.159 --> 00:16:01.160
You know what?

429
00:16:01.327 --> 00:16:03.568
Let's make these guys
take us to Hawaii!

430
00:16:03.729 --> 00:16:05.402
You're right! Let's do it!

431
00:16:05.564 --> 00:16:06.565
Let's just do it!

432
00:16:06.632 --> 00:16:07.667
-Yes, bitch.
-Let's fucking do it!

433
00:16:08.667 --> 00:16:09.975
<i>We'll be right back.</i>

434
00:16:10.035 --> 00:16:11.036
We gonna go to Hawaii!

435
00:16:11.303 --> 00:16:13.249
We gonna go to Hawaii!

436
00:16:16.108 --> 00:16:17.280
-Hold up!
-What?

437
00:16:18.677 --> 00:16:21.954
Those boys said they wanted nice
girls. We don't look like nice girls.

438
00:16:22.948 --> 00:16:24.859
Yeah, I guess
I haven't showered in a while.

439
00:16:25.150 --> 00:16:26.993
Fine, well,
you know what we're gonna do?

440
00:16:28.320 --> 00:16:30.960
We're gonna look
respectable as fuck.

441
00:16:31.256 --> 00:16:32.462
Like nice girls.

442
00:16:35.995 --> 00:16:38.066
Dude, it's like that Jesus rag!

443
00:16:39.131 --> 00:16:40.701
It's part of me.

444
00:16:41.500 --> 00:16:43.480
Tatiana, your underwear
needs more underwears.

445
00:16:48.374 --> 00:16:50.320
This dress is my bitch!

446
00:16:52.978 --> 00:16:54.980
Dude, we have met
37 insane women.

447
00:16:56.215 --> 00:16:57.523
We can't bring any
of these girls.

448
00:16:57.683 --> 00:16:59.720
Maybe Dad'll just forget about
his ultimatum.

449
00:16:59.885 --> 00:17:02.832
Why would Dad forget about
an old tomato?

450
00:17:03.389 --> 00:17:05.027
No, his ultimatum.

451
00:17:05.190 --> 00:17:06.362
-Old tom...
-Ultimatum.

452
00:17:06.525 --> 00:17:07.560
Are you saying "old tomato"?

453
00:17:07.826 --> 00:17:10.466
Ultima-tomb. Like a
tomb or a crypt.

454
00:17:10.529 --> 00:17:11.564
Ultimatum.

455
00:17:11.697 --> 00:17:14.940
Well, we gotta figure something out,
because the wedding's coming up quick.

456
00:17:25.044 --> 00:17:26.580
Why is everything a competition
with you?

457
00:17:26.812 --> 00:17:29.088
And I said that first,
so actually, lwon that.

458
00:17:31.884 --> 00:17:33.090
So what time
are we meeting them?

459
00:17:33.252 --> 00:17:35.027
Technically, no time.

460
00:17:36.488 --> 00:17:38.559
Yeah, because I was thinking
about emailing them...

461
00:17:38.724 --> 00:17:40.328
but then I was thinking...

462
00:17:40.492 --> 00:17:43.371
what kind of floozy-ass bimbo
would respond to that ad?

463
00:17:44.863 --> 00:17:45.864
Us.

464
00:17:46.031 --> 00:17:48.511
Yeah, but we're not like those
idiots. You know what I'm saying?

465
00:17:48.667 --> 00:17:51.477
Because they're all like,
"Pick me, pick me!"

466
00:17:51.770 --> 00:17:53.772
it's like the guys
interviewing the girls.

467
00:17:53.939 --> 00:17:56.442
Like, it immediately would put
us in an inferior position.

468
00:17:56.608 --> 00:17:58.610
We're gonna flip the script
and Bachelarette that shit.

469
00:17:58.877 --> 00:18:01.050
-Those guys would be lucky to have us.
-Right.

470
00:18:01.213 --> 00:18:03.284
-We just gotta make them think so.
-Okay, right.

471
00:18:03.382 --> 00:18:05.555
But, you know,
I'm really not good at lying...

472
00:18:05.651 --> 00:18:07.995
because I always try to start
small and then it gets crazy...

473
00:18:08.053 --> 00:18:10.761
and I make-up stuff
that couldn't possibly be true.

474
00:18:11.056 --> 00:18:13.696
Baby, you can do this.
Let's practice, okay?

475
00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:14.760
Okay.

476
00:18:14.827 --> 00:18:15.897
-What do you like to do?
-Drink.

477
00:18:16.962 --> 00:18:18.202
Just sweet teas.

478
00:18:18.464 --> 00:18:20.444
Sweet teas and
biscuits on blimps.

479
00:18:20.599 --> 00:18:22.738
All right, straight up,
you don't have to do an accent.

480
00:18:22.901 --> 00:18:23.936
I was doing an accent?

481
00:18:24.103 --> 00:18:25.173
And definitely don't
bring up blimps.

482
00:18:25.437 --> 00:18:26.745
Shit! They're leaving.

483
00:18:26.972 --> 00:18:28.212
If it was a
competition, I won it.

484
00:18:28.474 --> 00:18:30.545
All right, don't worry.

485
00:18:30.709 --> 00:18:31.710
It's all part of the plan.

486
00:18:31.877 --> 00:18:32.981
-Is it?
-Yeah.

487
00:18:33.145 --> 00:18:35.625
What does that mean? What plan? I
don't know this part of the plan...

488
00:18:37.216 --> 00:18:38.217
Fuck!

489
00:18:40.052 --> 00:18:41.929
Tatiana!

490
00:18:41.987 --> 00:18:42.988
Holy shit.

491
00:18:43.222 --> 00:18:44.223
Babe. Are you okay?

492
00:18:44.456 --> 00:18:46.299
I'm okay. Yell, "She
can't breathe!"

493
00:18:46.458 --> 00:18:47.562
She can't breathe!

494
00:18:47.726 --> 00:18:49.137
She can't breathe!
Somebody help her!

495
00:18:49.194 --> 00:18:50.195
Somebody give her CPR!

496
00:18:50.462 --> 00:18:51.998
-She can't breathe!
-I know CPR!

497
00:18:52.164 --> 00:18:53.609
-Great!
-I was a volunteer EMT!

498
00:18:53.832 --> 00:18:55.140
Hey, don't worry.
My brother's got this, okay?

499
00:18:55.334 --> 00:18:56.870
I took a class. I
know what I'm doing.

500
00:18:57.136 --> 00:18:58.137
-She has a weak heart!
-Ma'am?

501
00:18:58.403 --> 00:18:59.575
-Ma'am?
-She has a weak heart.

502
00:18:59.738 --> 00:19:01.877
I'm an EMT.
I'm like a doctor, basically.

503
00:19:02.141 --> 00:19:04.781
I'm here to save your
fucking life, okay?

504
00:19:04.943 --> 00:19:07.184
-She's my only friend!
-That's her only friend, Mike!

505
00:19:07.412 --> 00:19:08.550
We got a pulse! Okay.

506
00:19:08.614 --> 00:19:09.854
Don't let her die!

507
00:19:09.915 --> 00:19:11.656
Don't you fucking
let her die, Mike!

508
00:19:11.817 --> 00:19:13.854
Just shut the fuck up, Dave!
You, too, shut up!

509
00:19:14.153 --> 00:19:15.757
Both of you, shut up! Okay?

510
00:19:15.854 --> 00:19:16.855
I'm gonna save her life!

511
00:19:19.958 --> 00:19:20.959
Plug the nose.

512
00:19:26.765 --> 00:19:28.244
Are you okay?

513
00:19:28.867 --> 00:19:30.107
I am now.

514
00:19:31.970 --> 00:19:33.472
-I saved her life!
-She's okay!

515
00:19:33.639 --> 00:19:35.118
-She's okay?
-I saved her life!

516
00:19:36.341 --> 00:19:37.843
Thank you! Thank you!

517
00:19:38.010 --> 00:19:40.354
-You're under arrest.
-She hit my car!

518
00:19:40.512 --> 00:19:41.786
No, you guys,
I'm totally fine, really.

519
00:19:41.847 --> 00:19:42.985
It happens all the time.

520
00:19:43.148 --> 00:19:45.560
That was a vicious hit. We
should take you to the hospital.

521
00:19:45.717 --> 00:19:47.560
It's crazy. It's almost
like I owe you my life.

522
00:19:48.487 --> 00:19:50.296
-Almost.
-Yeah. Technically, yeah.

523
00:19:50.455 --> 00:19:52.526
-Let me help you with that ice.
-I do.

524
00:19:52.724 --> 00:19:53.759
No.

525
00:19:53.825 --> 00:19:55.532
Seems like it's going
pretty well with your guy.

526
00:19:55.694 --> 00:19:58.402
Dude, I'm fucking crushing it!
So hard!

527
00:19:58.530 --> 00:19:59.873
Check this out.

528
00:20:00.165 --> 00:20:02.975
The kids in my class
are gonna love this story.

529
00:20:03.135 --> 00:20:04.739
I'm a school teacher.

530
00:20:06.638 --> 00:20:08.982
You're a school teacher?

531
00:20:09.141 --> 00:20:11.883
Oop. I think they spelt
"frittata" wrong on the menu.

532
00:20:12.044 --> 00:20:13.751
I always notice words
and spelling...

533
00:20:13.912 --> 00:20:15.585
because I'm a teacher...

534
00:20:16.348 --> 00:20:17.588
and that's what I do.

535
00:20:17.916 --> 00:20:19.224
That's...

536
00:20:19.384 --> 00:20:21.887
So, Alice, what do you do?

537
00:20:22.721 --> 00:20:23.859
Manage a hedge fund.

538
00:20:24.189 --> 00:20:25.327
You manage a hedge fund?

539
00:20:25.490 --> 00:20:27.595
I don't even know
what a hedge fund is.

540
00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:30.262
So there's a regular fund,
and then there's a hedge fund.

541
00:20:30.429 --> 00:20:32.500
And our fund...

542
00:20:33.332 --> 00:20:34.402
We hedge it.

543
00:20:34.900 --> 00:20:35.901
We hedge it hard.

544
00:20:37.769 --> 00:20:39.373
I get in, in the morning,
and I'm like...

545
00:20:39.538 --> 00:20:42.348
"How's the hedging coming? You
been hedging? You hedged much?"

546
00:20:42.608 --> 00:20:44.815
And it's like, too big to fail.

547
00:20:45.077 --> 00:20:46.954
Corporate greed, bailouts.

548
00:20:47.112 --> 00:20:49.217
In a New York minute,
everything can change.

549
00:20:49.514 --> 00:20:52.393
On the floor of the
NASDAQ and the U.N.

550
00:20:52.618 --> 00:20:53.756
And then, Fannie Mae.

551
00:20:54.419 --> 00:20:56.763
Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley...

552
00:20:56.922 --> 00:20:58.094
-Alice, you want some water?
-Yeah.

553
00:20:58.390 --> 00:21:00.165
-That's so smart.
-That is.

554
00:21:00.459 --> 00:21:02.200
"But what I do have...

555
00:21:02.261 --> 00:21:04.468
"is a particular set of skills.

556
00:21:04.529 --> 00:21:07.100
"Skills I have acquired
over a very long career.

557
00:21:07.399 --> 00:21:10.243
"Skills that make me a nightmare
for people like you."

558
00:21:12.037 --> 00:21:13.107
Click. That's it.

559
00:21:13.372 --> 00:21:14.476
That was amazing.

560
00:21:14.539 --> 00:21:15.984
It was like Dave was
not even here...

561
00:21:16.141 --> 00:21:18.052
and I was just standing in a bar
with Liam Neeson.

562
00:21:18.210 --> 00:21:19.655
Like, "Hello, Liam
Neeson's over here."

563
00:21:19.945 --> 00:21:22.323
You're a professional comedian
or something?

564
00:21:22.481 --> 00:21:25.291
What? No.
I sell liquor with my brother.

565
00:21:25.450 --> 00:21:26.451
Yeah.

566
00:21:26.718 --> 00:21:28.425
-I do like to draw.
-Yeah?

567
00:21:28.587 --> 00:21:30.066
Yeah, I have drawings here
I could show you.

568
00:21:30.889 --> 00:21:31.993
Shit, not that. Sorry.

569
00:21:32.157 --> 00:21:34.296
Here. So, they're
like The Avengers...

570
00:21:34.459 --> 00:21:36.166
but they're different
types of alcohol.

571
00:21:36.461 --> 00:21:39.499
So, you have Tequila, and then
he's got his pet worm right there.

572
00:21:39.798 --> 00:21:41.573
And his name is Lil' Mez.

573
00:21:41.900 --> 00:21:43.345
Because he'II "Mez" you up.

574
00:21:43.502 --> 00:21:45.209
The next one right
there, that's Gin.

575
00:21:45.270 --> 00:21:47.443
When he flips his cap off,
dawg, he's just like...

576
00:21:47.506 --> 00:21:50.453
"Yo, I'll pop you off.
Guaranteed. One knock."

577
00:21:50.742 --> 00:21:51.812
Done.

578
00:21:51.977 --> 00:21:53.422
Next, Whiskey.

579
00:21:53.545 --> 00:21:54.546
Likes to make moonshine

580
00:21:54.680 --> 00:21:56.284
and kill bad guys.

581
00:21:56.448 --> 00:21:58.325
Dude, this is
objectively amazing.

582
00:21:58.383 --> 00:21:59.521
Thanks.

583
00:21:59.651 --> 00:22:01.961
What's the hardest thing
about being a teacher?

584
00:22:02.621 --> 00:22:03.622
I don't know.

585
00:22:06.925 --> 00:22:09.906
The hardest thing
about being a teacher...

586
00:22:09.961 --> 00:22:11.065
is teaching cursive.

587
00:22:11.363 --> 00:22:12.637
That's awesome.

588
00:22:12.798 --> 00:22:14.539
-What about you?
-Yeah?

589
00:22:14.700 --> 00:22:16.475
-Are you seeing anyone?
-No.

590
00:22:17.169 --> 00:22:18.978
My ex is gone. Long gone.

591
00:22:19.037 --> 00:22:20.038
What do you mean?

592
00:22:20.172 --> 00:22:22.049
He died. Of cancer.

593
00:22:22.307 --> 00:22:23.342
My God.

594
00:22:23.508 --> 00:22:24.509
And AIDS.

595
00:22:24.976 --> 00:22:25.977
He died twice?

596
00:22:26.311 --> 00:22:28.655
And then he died
in a plane crash, so...

597
00:22:29.214 --> 00:22:31.125
That's a lot to take in.

598
00:22:31.283 --> 00:22:33.229
I know!

599
00:22:33.752 --> 00:22:34.787
Thank you.

600
00:22:34.953 --> 00:22:36.455
Thank you, brotha.

601
00:22:38.490 --> 00:22:39.798
Dude.

602
00:22:39.958 --> 00:22:42.734
We should take these girls
to the wedding. Right?

603
00:22:42.894 --> 00:22:44.635
Mine's a sexy school teacher...

604
00:22:44.796 --> 00:22:47.140
and yours... hedges funds.

605
00:22:47.299 --> 00:22:48.676
-Just keep doing sexy eyes.
-Okay.

606
00:22:48.834 --> 00:22:50.245
Keep doing sexy eyes.

607
00:22:51.036 --> 00:22:52.310
I like Alice.

608
00:22:52.471 --> 00:22:54.849
And she's smart, she's funny,
she's weird.

609
00:22:55.140 --> 00:22:58.019
We invite these girls to the
wedding, suddenly we're not losers.

610
00:22:58.176 --> 00:22:59.678
We're winners!

611
00:23:02.147 --> 00:23:03.182
Here they come.
They're coming.

612
00:23:03.415 --> 00:23:05.156
Hey, this might sound crazy...

613
00:23:05.317 --> 00:23:07.888
but our little sister is
getting married in Hawaii...

614
00:23:08.186 --> 00:23:12.157
and we wanted to know
if you guys wanted to come with.

615
00:23:13.992 --> 00:23:16.097
Can you just give
us a second to...

616
00:23:16.661 --> 00:23:17.901
Of course.

617
00:23:18.063 --> 00:23:21.010
Okay, so just whisper
like we're talking it over...

618
00:23:21.166 --> 00:23:22.270
like we're not sure
if we wanna go or not.

619
00:23:22.334 --> 00:23:23.335
Like...

620
00:23:29.107 --> 00:23:30.177
What the fuck are you doing?

621
00:23:30.342 --> 00:23:31.878
I don't understand
why we're arguing!

622
00:23:31.943 --> 00:23:33.115
I thought we wanted to go.

623
00:23:33.278 --> 00:23:34.518
All right, fuck it.
Let's go to Hawaii!

624
00:23:35.714 --> 00:23:37.057
-Yes! Fuck yes!
-Hawaii!

625
00:23:40.752 --> 00:23:41.924
<i>Yo, what you know
about gain' out?</i>

626
00:23:41.987 --> 00:23:44.228
<i>Head west, red Lex
TV's all up in the headrest</i>

627
00:23:44.289 --> 00:23:46.565
<i>Try and live it up, ride
true, a bigger truck</i>

628
00:23:46.625 --> 00:23:49.128
<i>Peeps a" glittered up
Stick up can, they go what?</i>

629
00:23:49.227 --> 00:23:51.104
<i>Jig wit it 'cuz ship
crisp, split it all</i>

630
00:23:51.163 --> 00:23:53.336
<i>Ho's ride, get your nut
'till I can't get it up</i>

631
00:23:53.498 --> 00:23:56.638
<i>Bad, bad, bad, bad boy</i>

632
00:23:56.735 --> 00:23:58.078
<i>You make me feel so good</i>

633
00:23:58.136 --> 00:23:59.137
Aloha, and welcome.

634
00:23:59.304 --> 00:24:00.305
-Hi.
-Aloha.

635
00:24:00.405 --> 00:24:01.543
For real?

636
00:24:01.606 --> 00:24:03.142
Let me get you gentlemen
checked in, yeah?

637
00:24:04.476 --> 00:24:07.320
Holy shit, this place is nice!

638
00:24:08.480 --> 00:24:10.585
It's gonna be more nice.

639
00:24:10.749 --> 00:24:12.990
Nice girls don't show
off their ecstasy.

640
00:24:13.151 --> 00:24:14.459
One of these is a multivitamin.

641
00:24:14.619 --> 00:24:15.620
Is this shit free?

642
00:24:15.787 --> 00:24:18.495
I can smoke weed out of this,
I can smoke weed out of this...

643
00:24:18.690 --> 00:24:21.830
Look at that teacher,
grabbing her apple a day.

644
00:24:22.260 --> 00:24:25.104
Look at that personality
from behind.

645
00:24:25.263 --> 00:24:27.209
It is, dare I say...

646
00:24:27.365 --> 00:24:28.844
well-rounded.

647
00:24:28.934 --> 00:24:29.935
Look at Mike.

648
00:24:30.101 --> 00:24:32.274
He looks like a funhouse mirror
version of a better looking dude...

649
00:24:33.305 --> 00:24:34.579
but he is just that dude.

650
00:24:35.774 --> 00:24:37.811
Dave, it is so on this weekend.

651
00:24:37.976 --> 00:24:40.354
I am not touching this guy
the whole weekend.

652
00:24:40.512 --> 00:24:42.822
He thinks just because he brought
me here I'm gonna sleep with him?

653
00:24:42.881 --> 00:24:43.882
Check it out.

654
00:24:43.982 --> 00:24:46.155
If this was Mike's
dick, I'd be like...

655
00:24:46.218 --> 00:24:48.027
<i>Duo, duo, duo, duo, duo...</i>

656
00:24:48.119 --> 00:24:49.621
I'd get close, but
I'd never touch it.

657
00:24:50.355 --> 00:24:52.631
They have such beautiful
flowers here.

658
00:24:52.791 --> 00:24:55.203
She's throwing out
serious vibes right now.

659
00:24:55.260 --> 00:24:56.432
I'm like, I'm hungry.

660
00:24:56.495 --> 00:24:57.701
I'm gonna butter them biscuits.

661
00:24:57.963 --> 00:24:59.636
I'm gonna haste them ham hocks.

662
00:24:59.798 --> 00:25:01.209
I'm gonna be like a sex chef.

663
00:25:01.466 --> 00:25:03.309
Mr. Grey will see you now.

664
00:25:03.668 --> 00:25:04.840
I'm gonna touch Dave.

665
00:25:05.003 --> 00:25:06.380
Every time he says
something sweet...

666
00:25:06.538 --> 00:25:09.576
I wanna get some rope and chain
in bulk from Home Depot...

667
00:25:09.741 --> 00:25:11.652
and just see where it takes us,
you know?

668
00:25:11.810 --> 00:25:13.585
That is messed up.

669
00:25:14.145 --> 00:25:15.988
Ladies, your wedding
itineraries.

670
00:25:16.147 --> 00:25:17.626
#DoingltForJeanie.

671
00:25:17.682 --> 00:25:19.559
Today, we have
the meet and greet by the pool.

672
00:25:19.684 --> 00:25:21.686
And then after that,
we have a dolphin excursion.

673
00:25:21.753 --> 00:25:23.255
Friday is the rehearsal dinner.

674
00:25:24.489 --> 00:25:26.628
That's where Dave and I are
gonna be doing our big speech.

675
00:25:26.691 --> 00:25:28.728
Will there be any downtime?

676
00:25:28.894 --> 00:25:30.567
Yeah, 'cause I gotta
keep in touch with the office.

677
00:25:30.729 --> 00:25:32.936
I gotta call my stocks
about the state of my bonds.

678
00:25:32.998 --> 00:25:33.999
It happens a lot.

679
00:25:34.266 --> 00:25:36.712
Kay, I think we are
right up here.

680
00:25:37.435 --> 00:25:40.211
Great. So which one
is me and Alice's room?

681
00:25:42.908 --> 00:25:46.253
I don't know. Are you and
Alice gonna share a room?

682
00:25:46.411 --> 00:25:48.721
Or I was thinking
that maybe you and I...

683
00:25:48.780 --> 00:25:50.521
would stay in the same room.

684
00:25:52.417 --> 00:25:55.523
That sounds interesting...

685
00:25:55.687 --> 00:25:57.689
but I don't think
it would be a good idea.

686
00:25:59.024 --> 00:26:00.025
Why not?

687
00:26:02.594 --> 00:26:05.097
Because I don't
trust myself around you.

688
00:26:05.764 --> 00:26:07.038
You can trust me.

689
00:26:07.198 --> 00:26:09.439
I do trust you.

690
00:26:10.235 --> 00:26:11.543
Let's trust each other.

691
00:26:11.703 --> 00:26:14.775
There's so much trust.

692
00:26:15.006 --> 00:26:17.316
Sorry. I didn't mean to do that.

693
00:26:17.409 --> 00:26:19.582
I respect you so much,
I can't wait to get you alone.

694
00:26:19.644 --> 00:26:21.920
Yeah, we're gonna cover all
the room charges and stuff...

695
00:26:21.980 --> 00:26:23.482
for up to $50 per day.

696
00:26:23.548 --> 00:26:24.652
My God.
You don't have to do that.

697
00:26:24.816 --> 00:26:26.921
I'm a very strict teacher.

698
00:26:27.118 --> 00:26:30.895
You be Michelle Pfeiffer from
Dangerous Minds, and I'll be...

699
00:26:31.056 --> 00:26:32.330
I'll be Coolio.

700
00:26:32.490 --> 00:26:34.436
Coolio's not in that movie.

701
00:26:35.827 --> 00:26:38.637
He is in song and spirit.

702
00:26:38.863 --> 00:26:41.537
I'm gonna call
a parent-teacher conference...

703
00:26:41.633 --> 00:26:44.409
and tell them
what a bad boy you are.

704
00:26:44.569 --> 00:26:45.843
Please don't tell my mommy.

705
00:26:46.104 --> 00:26:47.447
Please don't tell my daddy.

706
00:26:47.505 --> 00:26:49.507
I think Wi-Fi is
included, too, so...

707
00:26:49.574 --> 00:26:50.780
-That's always nice. Yeah.
-Yeah.

708
00:26:51.042 --> 00:26:55.047
If I were to give you a grade,
I'd give you a D.

709
00:26:55.113 --> 00:26:56.319
A big, hard D.

710
00:26:56.548 --> 00:26:57.856
Why? I deserve an A.

711
00:26:57.949 --> 00:26:59.451
What are you talking about?

712
00:26:59.618 --> 00:27:00.653
Nothing.

713
00:27:00.819 --> 00:27:02.162
In conclusion...

714
00:27:02.320 --> 00:27:04.698
I'm gonna stay in the room...

715
00:27:04.856 --> 00:27:05.926
with Alice.

716
00:27:07.025 --> 00:27:09.027
That one, with Alice.

717
00:27:09.194 --> 00:27:10.537
Cool, cool. No doubt.

718
00:27:13.031 --> 00:27:16.103
Somebody overcooked
the soft pretzel.

719
00:27:17.335 --> 00:27:19.576
My dick is hard. That's what I'm
saying. Give me five minutes.

720
00:27:19.638 --> 00:27:22.175
My God.!

721
00:27:22.707 --> 00:27:24.380
<i>Lift it, drop it, shake it</i>

722
00:27:24.476 --> 00:27:27.116
<i>It's going down for real</i>

723
00:27:31.216 --> 00:27:33.526
<i>It's going down for real</i>

724
00:27:35.053 --> 00:27:36.464
Grandma, I'd like
you to meet Alice.

725
00:27:36.621 --> 00:27:39.329
She's super smart, great conversationalist,
and she works on Wall Street.

726
00:27:39.391 --> 00:27:40.734
But I'm one of the good ones.

727
00:27:40.892 --> 00:27:42.303
I think she is.

728
00:27:45.030 --> 00:27:46.236
<i>Lam a teacher, yeah.</i>

729
00:27:46.464 --> 00:27:49.172
And you know what? The key to
teaching children is repetition.

730
00:27:49.334 --> 00:27:51.245
You'd be surprised
how stupid they are.

731
00:28:01.079 --> 00:28:02.080
Jeanie!

732
00:28:04.649 --> 00:28:06.424
'HEY. you!
Hi! Hi!

733
00:28:06.918 --> 00:28:09.421
I'm so proud to introduce
our wedding dates...

734
00:28:09.587 --> 00:28:11.225
-Tatiana.
-And Alice.

735
00:28:12.557 --> 00:28:13.763
Hi!

736
00:28:14.726 --> 00:28:16.831
-The bride. The gorgeous bride.
-Hi.

737
00:28:17.028 --> 00:28:20.703
This weekend is all about you
being happy and not shattered.

738
00:28:20.832 --> 00:28:23.005
-Thank you.
-Yeah.

739
00:28:23.068 --> 00:28:25.241
Check out your arms. You got
some Michelle Obama arms.

740
00:28:26.037 --> 00:28:27.948
How'd you get those guns
on the plane, girl?

741
00:28:29.107 --> 00:28:30.518
Eric...

742
00:28:30.575 --> 00:28:32.282
you are two points hotter
just being next to this woman.

743
00:28:32.844 --> 00:28:34.016
Try 10 points hotter.

744
00:28:34.079 --> 00:28:36.184
-Try a million.
-That's too many points.

745
00:28:36.247 --> 00:28:37.248
And Jeanie, nice snag.

746
00:28:37.382 --> 00:28:38.383
Thank you.

747
00:28:38.450 --> 00:28:39.952
You guys
look great together, really.

748
00:28:40.151 --> 00:28:41.459
I'm liking this.

749
00:28:41.653 --> 00:28:43.530
Maybe you two will keep these
two in check a little bit.

750
00:28:43.588 --> 00:28:45.431
I think we can.

751
00:28:45.657 --> 00:28:46.931
I'll just keep him on a leash.

752
00:28:47.092 --> 00:28:48.867
Maybe don't hurt him.

753
00:28:48.927 --> 00:28:50.406
I like these girls.

754
00:28:50.562 --> 00:28:51.632
They're so fun.

755
00:28:51.796 --> 00:28:53.901
Unlike my maid of honor.

756
00:28:54.099 --> 00:28:55.169
She's having a time.

757
00:28:55.300 --> 00:28:56.404
How is ol' Becky Grammerstein?

758
00:28:56.601 --> 00:28:57.602
She's coming.

759
00:28:57.736 --> 00:28:59.044
-Jeanie.
-Hey.

760
00:28:59.204 --> 00:29:00.581
I'm in crisis mode.

761
00:29:00.739 --> 00:29:02.377
I ordered Prosecco for
the mani-pedis...

762
00:29:02.540 --> 00:29:03.644
and all they have is champagne!

763
00:29:03.808 --> 00:29:04.809
Aren't they the same thing?

764
00:29:05.043 --> 00:29:07.455
-No. No, they're not. No.
-No?

765
00:29:08.079 --> 00:29:09.752
Hello, Michael.

766
00:29:09.914 --> 00:29:10.915
Hi, Dave.

767
00:29:11.382 --> 00:29:14.886
Look, I'm trying to make
your dreams come true, okay?

768
00:29:15.086 --> 00:29:16.121
-Right.
-What?

769
00:29:16.254 --> 00:29:18.097
If this is bad news,
I'm gonna eat your ass.

770
00:29:18.156 --> 00:29:19.226
-Sorry.
-Okay.

771
00:29:19.290 --> 00:29:21.236
Purple. It better be purple.

772
00:29:21.659 --> 00:29:23.639
I should probably
go see to that.

773
00:29:23.795 --> 00:29:24.796
-You'll come?
-Yeah.

774
00:29:24.963 --> 00:29:26.237
Thank you so much
for being here.

775
00:29:26.397 --> 00:29:29.344
Guys, good job with these two.

776
00:29:29.501 --> 00:29:30.980
<i>Mahala.</i>

777
00:29:31.169 --> 00:29:32.409
Bye, Jeanie.

778
00:29:32.570 --> 00:29:33.571
Jeanie likes the girls.

779
00:29:33.738 --> 00:29:34.944
Jeanie likes the girls

780
00:29:35.140 --> 00:29:36.642
<i>Talk about Jeanie
Jeanie likes the girls</i>

781
00:29:36.775 --> 00:29:38.584
<i>Because it's a" about
Jeanie likes the girls</i>

782
00:29:38.643 --> 00:29:40.748
<i>Oil, yeah, Jeanie likes
the girls -Com e on!</i>

783
00:29:40.845 --> 00:29:42.324
<i>-It's a" about Jeanie
-Likes the girls</i>

784
00:29:42.380 --> 00:29:45.224
<i>-it's all about Jeanie likes the girls!
-Mike. Where are the girls?</i>

785
00:29:45.283 --> 00:29:46.489
-Hello!
-I'm Alice.

786
00:29:46.718 --> 00:29:47.856
I just I wanna give you a hug.

787
00:29:47.919 --> 00:29:49.364
It's so nice to meet you.

788
00:29:49.521 --> 00:29:50.795
Fucking A. You
distracted me, man.

789
00:29:50.989 --> 00:29:52.991
This dress is lucky to
be on you. Those pins!

790
00:29:53.124 --> 00:29:54.194
-My Mike?
-Yes.

791
00:29:54.359 --> 00:29:55.531
-I can't...
-He did.

792
00:29:55.693 --> 00:29:57.366
That's fantastic.

793
00:29:57.595 --> 00:29:59.233
Mike, Tatiana was
just telling me...

794
00:29:59.330 --> 00:30:00.775
that you saved her life.

795
00:30:00.932 --> 00:30:02.206
I most certainly did, Father.

796
00:30:02.433 --> 00:30:05.175
You see how great it is
to have nice girls around?

797
00:30:05.236 --> 00:30:06.510
I mean, these are nice girls.

798
00:30:06.571 --> 00:30:07.709
Absolutely.

799
00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:08.977
They are. And we
brought them, so...

800
00:30:09.040 --> 00:30:10.314
Excuse me.

801
00:30:10.508 --> 00:30:11.509
Excuse me.

802
00:30:11.576 --> 00:30:12.577
See you in a minute.
Honey, come on.

803
00:30:12.644 --> 00:30:14.817
Can I get everybody's attention?
Could we gather around?

804
00:30:14.879 --> 00:30:16.256
-My God.
-My God!

805
00:30:16.381 --> 00:30:18.156
We're killing this shit!
We're killing.

806
00:30:18.316 --> 00:30:19.488
Mom and Dad like the girls!

807
00:30:20.718 --> 00:30:22.129
<i>Mom andDad/ike the girls</i>

808
00:30:22.287 --> 00:30:26.793
Hi, I'm Keith. I'm Eric's
best man, his cousin...

809
00:30:26.958 --> 00:30:28.960
and his best friend.

810
00:30:29.194 --> 00:30:30.639
Welcome to the meet and greet!

811
00:30:32.030 --> 00:30:33.338
Yeah!

812
00:30:33.565 --> 00:30:34.669
Put your hands together...

813
00:30:34.833 --> 00:30:37.973
for Eric and his
lovely bride, Jeanie.

814
00:30:38.036 --> 00:30:39.709
Give it up!

815
00:30:39.838 --> 00:30:41.010
Jeanie!

816
00:30:41.172 --> 00:30:44.642
Hey, everybody. A big thank you
to my new family, the Stangles.

817
00:30:44.843 --> 00:30:45.913
We love you, Eric!

818
00:30:45.977 --> 00:30:47.012
Thank you.

819
00:30:47.078 --> 00:30:49.217
And to my own family,
I must say...

820
00:30:50.215 --> 00:30:51.888
Portland, Oregon in the house!

821
00:30:53.351 --> 00:30:56.332
I'm really happy to finally
make you all my ahana...

822
00:30:56.487 --> 00:30:57.864
which means "family."

823
00:30:58.022 --> 00:31:00.059
And as the Hawaiians say...

824
00:31:00.225 --> 00:31:01.431
<i>Kale maluna!</i>

825
00:31:01.593 --> 00:31:04.665
Which translates loosely
into "bottoms up."

826
00:31:04.829 --> 00:31:07.537
But more closely translated,
it actually means...

827
00:31:07.765 --> 00:31:10.177
"your butts to the sky"...

828
00:31:10.235 --> 00:31:11.839
which is inappropriate.

829
00:31:13.171 --> 00:31:14.707
This is gonna be magic.

830
00:31:15.340 --> 00:31:18.583
Thank you all again,
so much, for being here.

831
00:31:18.743 --> 00:31:22.418
We are so happy
to have you at our wedding.

832
00:31:22.947 --> 00:31:26.724
<i>Wedding. Wedding. Wedding.</i>

833
00:31:27.285 --> 00:31:28.923
-Put the mic on the stand.
-The stand.

834
00:31:30.255 --> 00:31:32.394
-Alice.
-Where are you going?

835
00:31:32.457 --> 00:31:33.458
Hi! What happened?

836
00:31:33.524 --> 00:31:35.595
You sort of zoned out for a sec.
What's up? You okay?

837
00:31:35.760 --> 00:31:38.138
Yeah! We're at a wedding.
Wedding. Wedding.

838
00:31:38.529 --> 00:31:40.065
You just said "wedding"
three times.

839
00:31:40.131 --> 00:31:41.235
I'm fine. Yeah!

840
00:31:41.299 --> 00:31:43.074
Let's just forget about
the past, and move on.

841
00:31:43.368 --> 00:31:44.972
To the bar!

842
00:31:45.069 --> 00:31:46.343
To the bar?

843
00:31:50.775 --> 00:31:52.220
I don't think these are shots.

844
00:31:52.377 --> 00:31:53.947
I mean, we're drinking 'em
like they're shots...

845
00:31:54.045 --> 00:31:56.286
but I don't think they're
supposed to be drunk like that.

846
00:31:56.447 --> 00:31:58.393
Your face is funny.

847
00:32:15.233 --> 00:32:16.974
Hey, Mike.

848
00:32:17.235 --> 00:32:18.805
I was just talking
to my new friend, Tatiana.

849
00:32:18.870 --> 00:32:20.076
Tatiana, this is
my cousin, Mike.

850
00:32:20.238 --> 00:32:22.445
She knows who I am.
She's my date.

851
00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:25.348
Why would someone this
attractive ever be with you?

852
00:32:25.643 --> 00:32:27.850
Are you gonna hit on my date all
weekend, like bisexual Fonzie?

853
00:32:28.079 --> 00:32:29.990
I don't think it's gonna take
all weekend. Am I right?

854
00:32:30.448 --> 00:32:31.688
So, you guys are cousins?

855
00:32:31.849 --> 00:32:33.590
She's been jealous of me
since I was a little kid.

856
00:32:33.785 --> 00:32:35.196
What could I possibly
be jealous of?

857
00:32:35.320 --> 00:32:37.596
Your outfit looks like Jimmy
Buffet's dust ruffle.

858
00:32:37.855 --> 00:32:40.028
Do you guys always do this?

859
00:32:40.258 --> 00:32:41.965
Okay, this is actually
a very fashion-forward outfit.

860
00:32:42.126 --> 00:32:44.606
No, you look like the wallpaper
from a Long John Silver's bathroom.

861
00:32:44.796 --> 00:32:46.366
Cool.
I'm gonna hit the buffet now...

862
00:32:46.531 --> 00:32:50.172
while you guys do
whatever it is you're doing.

863
00:32:52.103 --> 00:32:53.275
Okay?

864
00:32:53.338 --> 00:32:54.339
Good idea.

865
00:32:55.673 --> 00:32:56.811
Look at that.

866
00:32:56.975 --> 00:32:59.012
Pink little ass just
bouncing away, saying...

867
00:32:59.077 --> 00:33:02.615
<i>Terry, come getme
Terry, come get me</i>

868
00:33:02.680 --> 00:33:03.784
No, it's saying...

869
00:33:03.848 --> 00:33:07.853
<i>Mike, crawl up in this
Mike, cra wl up in this</i>

870
00:33:08.019 --> 00:33:09.794
What's up, double trouble?

871
00:33:09.988 --> 00:33:11.228
Terry. Cousin of the bride.

872
00:33:11.289 --> 00:33:12.529
Get at me later,
we'll make a Terry sandwich.

873
00:33:12.690 --> 00:33:14.169
Don't touch her.
She has chlamydia.

874
00:33:14.325 --> 00:33:15.463
-Everybody does.
-No.

875
00:33:15.893 --> 00:33:16.894
Not everyone does.

876
00:33:17.562 --> 00:33:20.008
Saw you and Dave are doing your speech
together at the rehearsal dinner.

877
00:33:21.132 --> 00:33:23.669
I'm going to bring the
house down with my speech.

878
00:33:23.935 --> 00:33:25.676
And why do you think
you're such a hotshot?

879
00:33:25.803 --> 00:33:26.975
You know Chris Rock?

880
00:33:27.739 --> 00:33:29.741
He's my neighbor.
Practiced my speech on him.

881
00:33:30.208 --> 00:33:32.347
And he gave me seven
killer jokes.

882
00:33:33.678 --> 00:33:36.022
Suck on that, cousin.

883
00:33:36.647 --> 00:33:37.682
Terry out.

884
00:33:37.749 --> 00:33:40.559
Chris Rock? Fuck!
That sounds awesome.

885
00:33:46.391 --> 00:33:48.268
Yas, yas, yas.

886
00:33:52.563 --> 00:33:55.567
My God. You were right.
These cheeseburgers are amazing.

887
00:33:55.733 --> 00:33:56.871
I know.

888
00:33:57.035 --> 00:33:58.878
Being a good girl is hard.

889
00:33:59.037 --> 00:34:00.948
I know. It sucks.

890
00:34:01.939 --> 00:34:04.920
You were hitting that booze
too hard for a nice girl.

891
00:34:05.109 --> 00:34:06.486
You need to get Luke
out of your head.

892
00:34:06.611 --> 00:34:08.386
-Yeah.
-You do.

893
00:34:08.546 --> 00:34:10.958
And what better
way to do that...

894
00:34:11.215 --> 00:34:13.889
than good old-fashioned
dick flicks.

895
00:34:14.052 --> 00:34:16.191
-Yes.
-God.

896
00:34:18.456 --> 00:34:21.630
Tatiana. Mike Stangle.

897
00:34:21.793 --> 00:34:23.795
From the meet and greet.
Well, from before that.

898
00:34:23.961 --> 00:34:25.440
One second.

899
00:34:25.530 --> 00:34:26.531
Fuck.

900
00:34:27.765 --> 00:34:29.938
Hey. it's you.

901
00:34:30.101 --> 00:34:31.205
It is me.

902
00:34:31.369 --> 00:34:36.717
I was hoping maybe I could come in
and we could watch a movie or...

903
00:34:37.942 --> 00:34:39.922
Do whatever you wanna do.

904
00:34:40.111 --> 00:34:41.181
Why are you whispering?

905
00:34:41.312 --> 00:34:43.451
'Cause that's what we
were doing before.

906
00:34:43.614 --> 00:34:44.649
<i>They've got Cockbusters.</i>

907
00:34:44.882 --> 00:34:46.793
Is that supposed to be
like Ghostbusters?

908
00:34:46.884 --> 00:34:48.830
Why would you wanna
get rid of the cocks?

909
00:34:49.053 --> 00:34:50.794
-What's that?
-She's talking in her sleep.

910
00:34:50.955 --> 00:34:53.799
She says the craziest stuff
in her sleep.

911
00:34:53.891 --> 00:34:56.064
It looks like his dick is gonna
pop. It's so veiny and hard.

912
00:34:56.127 --> 00:34:57.128
-Tatiana!
-Something's hard?

913
00:34:57.295 --> 00:34:58.433
Julio. My student.

914
00:34:58.596 --> 00:35:00.132
I'm doing a Skype class
session with him...

915
00:35:00.298 --> 00:35:02.403
and he's having a really
hard time in the schoolyard.

916
00:35:02.533 --> 00:35:04.035
If you don't get in here,
I'm gonna start masturbating!

917
00:35:04.102 --> 00:35:05.604
Phooey. I've gotta go.

918
00:35:05.770 --> 00:35:07.340
That sounds like you guys are,
watching porno, or...

919
00:35:07.405 --> 00:35:08.406
-No.
-Tatiana!

920
00:35:08.473 --> 00:35:09.474
Does it smell like weed in here?

921
00:35:09.574 --> 00:35:11.451
-You guys smoking weed?
-No. It was a skunk.

922
00:35:11.609 --> 00:35:14.112
I've gotta go, because a bunch
of kids are waiting to hear...

923
00:35:14.278 --> 00:35:15.985
if they've failed
second grade or not.

924
00:35:16.147 --> 00:35:19.185
Well, I am doing
some grading myself, and girl...

925
00:35:19.350 --> 00:35:21.830
you are getting an A plus.

926
00:35:21.886 --> 00:35:22.887
Thank you so much.

927
00:35:56.387 --> 00:35:58.560
-And then win!
-Skills. Def skills.

928
00:35:58.623 --> 00:36:00.125
Cheers to Tatiana and Alice.

929
00:36:00.291 --> 00:36:01.429
We're so glad you're here.

930
00:36:02.793 --> 00:36:03.863
Yes. Cheers.

931
00:36:04.028 --> 00:36:06.133
You guys, Alice and I found
this really cool thing.

932
00:36:06.297 --> 00:36:08.004
<i>Jurassic Park ATV Tours!</i>

933
00:36:09.066 --> 00:36:11.239
<i>Y on ride ATV s
where they shot Jurassic Park.</i>

934
00:36:11.469 --> 00:36:15.645
Actually, we are about to go
swimming with the dolphins.

935
00:36:16.174 --> 00:36:17.983
It's on the itinerary, so...

936
00:36:18.209 --> 00:36:20.086
<i>But, guys, Jurassic P!</i>

937
00:36:20.178 --> 00:36:21.589
I love this movie!

938
00:36:21.746 --> 00:36:24.249
My gosh, on ATVs,
this would be so sick.

939
00:36:24.415 --> 00:36:25.655
"Welcome...

940
00:36:25.816 --> 00:36:28.558
"...to Jurassic Park."

941
00:36:28.653 --> 00:36:29.757
"That is a big pile of shit."

942
00:36:29.921 --> 00:36:31.229
"You're not so
scary, little guy."

943
00:36:38.362 --> 00:36:39.670
What is going on here?

944
00:36:42.433 --> 00:36:45.573
I wish we could do that...

945
00:36:45.736 --> 00:36:47.579
but we have a date
with the dolphins...

946
00:36:47.738 --> 00:36:49.081
at the bottom of
the ocean, so...

947
00:36:49.240 --> 00:36:51.686
Don't you think we should do
what Jeanie wants to do?

948
00:36:51.842 --> 00:36:53.378
I mean, it is her
wedding after all.

949
00:36:53.544 --> 00:36:54.750
Right, Mike?

950
00:37:24.041 --> 00:37:25.987
I'm so happy we're here!

951
00:37:26.143 --> 00:37:28.589
This is where the dinos
ran in the prairie!

952
00:37:28.746 --> 00:37:29.747
I know, girl!

953
00:37:29.914 --> 00:37:32.087
Check it out! I'm
a brontosaurus!

954
00:37:32.250 --> 00:37:34.287
I'm a T-Rex. I'm
coming to get you!

955
00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:38.298
Guys, butts on seats, okay?
No hot dogging!

956
00:37:43.995 --> 00:37:45.474
"They're flocking this way!"

957
00:37:46.864 --> 00:37:48.366
Here's a T-Rex!

958
00:37:48.666 --> 00:37:50.441
"Life finds a way."

959
00:37:59.744 --> 00:38:01.746
Jeanie! Eric!

960
00:38:01.846 --> 00:38:03.325
Hey!

961
00:38:03.447 --> 00:38:06.360
Hi! Sorry, I lost Eric.

962
00:38:06.517 --> 00:38:09.623
Iwasn't lost. Just driving
at a reasonable pace.

963
00:38:09.887 --> 00:38:11.127
Stay there. We'll come to you.

964
00:38:11.622 --> 00:38:14.603
All right, we better go around.
This ledge looks super dangerous.

965
00:38:14.759 --> 00:38:16.966
Yeah, Mike's right.
It does look dangerous.

966
00:38:17.528 --> 00:38:20.134
It's a good thing my middle name
is "dangerous!"

967
00:38:20.298 --> 00:38:21.299
Yeah, it is!

968
00:38:27.672 --> 00:38:29.151
-God!
-What?

969
00:38:31.776 --> 00:38:33.414
My God, she's Superman!

970
00:38:38.282 --> 00:38:39.454
My God!

971
00:38:39.550 --> 00:38:40.824
A-Money!

972
00:38:46.357 --> 00:38:47.802
I still think we
should go around.

973
00:38:47.925 --> 00:38:50.201
She just got some
serious air, bro!

974
00:38:50.294 --> 00:38:53.070
You call that serious air?
Check this fucking shit out.

975
00:38:54.398 --> 00:38:56.275
<i>Suck my d', tuckers!</i>

976
00:39:01.205 --> 00:39:02.240
Not again.

977
00:39:03.240 --> 00:39:04.241
Yeah, baby!

978
00:39:04.308 --> 00:39:06.481
Easy does it. Nothing fancy.

979
00:39:12.350 --> 00:39:14.489
-My God. Look at what she's doing!
-I see it!

980
00:39:14.685 --> 00:39:16.687
Sweet candied nuts.

981
00:39:21.826 --> 00:39:23.362
Who are these girls?

982
00:39:28.366 --> 00:39:30.937
Where did you guys
learn to do that?

983
00:39:31.102 --> 00:39:32.877
We lived in Baja.

984
00:39:32.937 --> 00:39:34.610
Tore up a lot of
trail down there.

985
00:39:34.872 --> 00:39:36.112
Made a lot of friends.

986
00:39:36.774 --> 00:39:38.276
Made even more enemies.

987
00:39:38.442 --> 00:39:39.614
God, I miss Baja.

988
00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:44.621
Your turn, Mike!
Don't be a pussy!

989
00:39:45.349 --> 00:39:48.558
I'm not gonna do it. Name calling
doesn't work on me, so...

990
00:39:48.719 --> 00:39:51.461
Mike, it'll turn me on
if you take that jump.

991
00:39:51.622 --> 00:39:53.397
Turn me on if you don't.

992
00:39:53.557 --> 00:39:55.559
Still not going to, still.

993
00:39:55.726 --> 00:39:56.727
I'm not gonna do it.

994
00:39:56.894 --> 00:39:58.032
Like we would ever do that.

995
00:39:58.229 --> 00:39:59.970
No way.

996
00:40:00.030 --> 00:40:01.031
Come on! Do it.

997
00:40:01.198 --> 00:40:02.472
He's not gonna do it. Do it!

998
00:40:02.633 --> 00:40:04.112
Do not do it.

999
00:40:04.268 --> 00:40:05.906
No, definitely don't do that.

1000
00:40:06.137 --> 00:40:08.014
It's a bad idea. it's a stupid,
dumb idea.

1001
00:40:08.105 --> 00:40:10.244
-And it's dangerous, and it's foolish.
-Yes, it is.

1002
00:40:10.775 --> 00:40:11.981
I'm gonna do it!

1003
00:40:13.644 --> 00:40:14.679
Mike!

1004
00:40:16.714 --> 00:40:17.818
Shit!

1005
00:40:19.617 --> 00:40:20.789
I'm never gonna die!

1006
00:40:23.954 --> 00:40:25.695
-Shit.
-He going fast.

1007
00:40:25.756 --> 00:40:27.394
No. Keep it straight!

1008
00:40:31.362 --> 00:40:32.397
He's shanking it.

1009
00:40:35.599 --> 00:40:36.976
Got it, got it!

1010
00:40:42.173 --> 00:40:43.481
No, God!

1011
00:40:43.607 --> 00:40:44.642
Jeanie, move!

1012
00:40:47.645 --> 00:40:48.988
No!

1013
00:40:49.146 --> 00:40:50.181
No!

1014
00:40:50.448 --> 00:40:51.950
No!

1015
00:40:52.082 --> 00:40:53.356
No!

1016
00:41:14.805 --> 00:41:17.115
It's gonna be fine.

1017
00:41:17.575 --> 00:41:19.646
Your face is making me think
it's gonna be bad.

1018
00:41:19.710 --> 00:41:21.621
I'm sure it's not as
bad as you think.

1019
00:41:21.679 --> 00:41:22.714
-You know?
-No. Yeah.

1020
00:41:22.780 --> 00:41:23.918
Just show us
what we're working with,

1021
00:41:24.048 --> 00:41:25.083
and it'll be fine.

1022
00:41:25.149 --> 00:41:26.150
-0kay_
-Okay?

1023
00:41:26.717 --> 00:41:27.821
Is it okay?

1024
00:41:27.885 --> 00:41:29.421
-My God!
-God!

1025
00:41:29.753 --> 00:41:32.199
Don't you look good?

1026
00:41:34.024 --> 00:41:35.867
-Your face!
-Shut up, Mike!

1027
00:41:35.993 --> 00:41:37.802
You shut up, Becky!
Have you seen her face?

1028
00:41:37.962 --> 00:41:39.805
God! What?

1029
00:41:39.964 --> 00:41:42.240
It looks like you were making
meth, and the bathtub exploded.

1030
00:41:43.467 --> 00:41:44.810
You look like Burn
Victim Barbie.

1031
00:41:45.202 --> 00:41:46.510
Hush it up!

1032
00:41:46.670 --> 00:41:47.842
And you're Black Ken.

1033
00:41:47.905 --> 00:41:49.851
-stop!
-Okay_

1034
00:41:50.007 --> 00:41:52.078
it's like an
exaggerated smoky eye.

1035
00:41:52.142 --> 00:41:54.144
Dave, be honest. Is it bad?

1036
00:41:54.912 --> 00:41:57.085
This side, there's a little...

1037
00:41:57.181 --> 00:41:59.320
-There's a little discoloration there.
-Little discoloration.

1038
00:41:59.383 --> 00:42:00.521
Which side is it?

1039
00:42:00.751 --> 00:42:01.923
You could do a dance
the whole night

1040
00:42:01.986 --> 00:42:03.522
where you just hold a
hand over your face.

1041
00:42:03.654 --> 00:42:04.655
-That's smart.
-Okay.

1042
00:42:04.822 --> 00:42:05.823
It's like a new thing.

1043
00:42:05.990 --> 00:42:07.833
Do the Jeanie
Do the Jeanie

1044
00:42:08.058 --> 00:42:09.696
Like this?

1045
00:42:09.927 --> 00:42:11.736
-Come on, everybody! Do the Jeanie.
-Do it.

1046
00:42:11.929 --> 00:42:13.306
-I'm doing the Jeanie.
-Do the Jeanie, y'all.

1047
00:42:13.397 --> 00:42:14.432
It's a one-two step.

1048
00:42:14.565 --> 00:42:16.374
All right, that's enough.

1049
00:42:16.634 --> 00:42:18.238
Enough dancing!
You and you...

1050
00:42:18.369 --> 00:42:19.746
outside, now!

1051
00:42:19.904 --> 00:42:21.110
Honey, calm down.

1052
00:42:22.907 --> 00:42:24.409
-Honey, calm down.
-Sorry.

1053
00:42:24.575 --> 00:42:26.919
Do you understand they've
deformed our little girl...

1054
00:42:27.077 --> 00:42:29.216
the day before her
goddamn wedding?

1055
00:42:29.480 --> 00:42:31.619
She looks like Seal,
for Christ's sake!

1056
00:42:31.682 --> 00:42:33.525
Why, Dad?

1057
00:42:35.686 --> 00:42:37.029
Do you think he's
gonna spank us?

1058
00:42:37.187 --> 00:42:38.188
What?

1059
00:42:38.956 --> 00:42:39.957
Never mind.

1060
00:42:40.057 --> 00:42:42.037
I haven't seen him this pissed
in a long time.

1061
00:42:42.092 --> 00:42:43.127
<i>OOP...</i>

1062
00:42:43.227 --> 00:42:45.036
Yeah. it's the other door.

1063
00:42:45.963 --> 00:42:47.067
They meet in the middle.

1064
00:42:47.131 --> 00:42:48.735
-They meet in the middle.
-God damn it!

1065
00:42:50.935 --> 00:42:53.313
Dad, listen.
I know what you're gonna say.

1066
00:42:53.437 --> 00:42:55.713
-You're right.
-We're gonna sue the ATV companies.

1067
00:42:55.773 --> 00:42:56.979
<i>-Right?
-I Sea.</i>

1068
00:42:57.107 --> 00:42:58.108
Not what I was gonna say.

1069
00:42:58.242 --> 00:42:59.482
Let's Erin Brockovich
this bitch.

1070
00:42:59.643 --> 00:43:01.213
Mike, stop!

1071
00:43:01.378 --> 00:43:03.619
You've got to own this.
This is your fault.

1072
00:43:03.681 --> 00:43:04.682
It's not.

1073
00:43:05.215 --> 00:43:07.252
If anything, it's
the girls' fault.

1074
00:43:07.518 --> 00:43:08.826
They're crazy.

1075
00:43:08.986 --> 00:43:11.398
The girls aren't the problem!

1076
00:43:11.455 --> 00:43:12.832
You are.

1077
00:43:12.990 --> 00:43:15.129
What the hell did you think
was gonna happen?

1078
00:43:15.292 --> 00:43:16.999
What did you think
was gonna happen?

1079
00:43:17.161 --> 00:43:18.162
We had a plan.

1080
00:43:18.329 --> 00:43:20.741
The plan was to swim
with dolphins...

1081
00:43:20.898 --> 00:43:22.605
and eat bananas afterwards.

1082
00:43:22.766 --> 00:43:24.507
See, Dad, I'm not gonna
point any fingers here...

1083
00:43:24.668 --> 00:43:25.669
but indirectly...

1084
00:43:25.836 --> 00:43:28.510
we wouldn't have been on ATVs if
the girls hadn't forced us to.

1085
00:43:28.672 --> 00:43:31.118
And who made us bring dates
in the first place?

1086
00:43:32.276 --> 00:43:33.346
-Not pointing fingers.
-Yeah.

1087
00:43:33.410 --> 00:43:35.651
All right. I'm gonna take back
what I said to you earlier.

1088
00:43:35.813 --> 00:43:37.952
I am going to lump
you in together.

1089
00:43:38.115 --> 00:43:40.925
All right, you are lumped!

1090
00:43:41.585 --> 00:43:43.496
The hell is wrong with you?

1091
00:43:44.622 --> 00:43:45.999
What the hell is wrong with you?

1092
00:43:47.591 --> 00:43:48.968
Dad.

1093
00:43:51.595 --> 00:43:53.006
Fuck.

1094
00:43:55.566 --> 00:43:57.603
Everyone get the
fuck away from me.

1095
00:43:57.768 --> 00:44:00.180
Move! Adult Swim!

1096
00:44:00.337 --> 00:44:03.614
It's all fucked now. It's all
fucked, you know? Poor Jeanie.

1097
00:44:03.907 --> 00:44:05.784
Jeanie's special
weekend, and I ruin it.

1098
00:44:05.843 --> 00:44:09.416
Hey, hey, hey, Alice?
That was not your fault, okay?

1099
00:44:09.680 --> 00:44:12.524
That's two weddings that I've ruined.
It's just like, "Stupid Alice!"

1100
00:44:12.583 --> 00:44:14.961
Look, it's too bad that
Jeanie's face got shredded...

1101
00:44:15.252 --> 00:44:16.856
but this is supposed
to be our vacay.

1102
00:44:16.920 --> 00:44:18.729
Remember? We're supposed
to be having fun...

1103
00:44:18.789 --> 00:44:19.927
and going on adventures.

1104
00:44:19.990 --> 00:44:21.094
Get in here with me.

1105
00:44:21.258 --> 00:44:22.601
I'm gonna find her.
I'm gonna make it up to her.

1106
00:44:22.760 --> 00:44:25.263
No, no! You're not listening
to me. Don't leave me!

1107
00:44:34.838 --> 00:44:36.977
Thanks again for letting me
join your spa day, ladies.

1108
00:44:37.041 --> 00:44:40.784
It's not like you asked or
anything, but you're here. Yay.

1109
00:44:41.211 --> 00:44:43.316
What did you guys do
for your bachelorette party?

1110
00:44:43.614 --> 00:44:45.491
Did it get crazy?
Did you guys do that thing...

1111
00:44:45.549 --> 00:44:48.359
where you go to Vegas and you
dress up as a prostitute...

1112
00:44:48.686 --> 00:44:50.393
and you go out and
there's a contest...

1113
00:44:50.454 --> 00:44:52.661
to see who can get the
most money from a john...

1114
00:44:52.923 --> 00:44:54.766
but then you tell him,
"I'm an undercover cop"...

1115
00:44:54.825 --> 00:44:57.863
and they, like, beg that you don't
tell their children and their wives...

1116
00:44:58.028 --> 00:45:00.668
and they piss themselves, and you've
got the whole thing on video.

1117
00:45:00.831 --> 00:45:03.903
And then you put it on YouTube and
then there's the Auto-Tune remix.

1118
00:45:04.068 --> 00:45:05.069
Did you do that thing?

1119
00:45:05.736 --> 00:45:06.806
-No.
-No.

1120
00:45:07.137 --> 00:45:11.643
I didn't actually end up
having one, so...

1121
00:45:11.809 --> 00:45:13.447
Why? Every bride
needs a bachelorette party.

1122
00:45:13.644 --> 00:45:15.817
I'm sorry Cabo didn't
work out, Jeanie.

1123
00:45:15.879 --> 00:45:17.381
I know. it's fine.

1124
00:45:17.448 --> 00:45:18.518
You know I couldn't get
the time off work.

1125
00:45:18.582 --> 00:45:20.994
And it would have ruined it for
you, down there without me.

1126
00:45:21.051 --> 00:45:22.223
Is there some
tension about this?

1127
00:45:22.286 --> 00:45:24.926
So I just thought, "Let's cancel the
whole trip," if that makes sense.

1128
00:45:24.988 --> 00:45:26.968
Jeanie, can you keep it down?
On the phone with Tokyo.

1129
00:45:27.024 --> 00:45:28.128
Did I bring up something
uncomfortable?

1130
00:45:28.192 --> 00:45:30.536
Also, I caught the shingles
because it was so stressful.

1131
00:45:32.496 --> 00:45:33.566
'Cause it feels like I did.

1132
00:45:33.630 --> 00:45:35.166
Plus they have Mexican bed bugs.

1133
00:45:37.668 --> 00:45:40.012
I need you guys to stop it!

1134
00:45:41.071 --> 00:45:43.381
That fucking gaping mouth
of yours, shut it!

1135
00:45:43.941 --> 00:45:44.942
Shut it!

1136
00:45:45.375 --> 00:45:49.118
I just want to relax!
Is that too much to ask?

1137
00:45:49.513 --> 00:45:52.119
Please! I just wanna relax.

1138
00:45:54.785 --> 00:45:56.059
How are you feeling, Jeanie?

1139
00:45:56.220 --> 00:45:57.699
A little stressed out.

1140
00:45:57.855 --> 00:46:00.699
-I'll give you a minute to disrobe.
-Yeah, okay.

1141
00:46:00.858 --> 00:46:02.929
Face down on the table.

1142
00:46:03.327 --> 00:46:06.797
Hi, that is my best
friend in there...

1143
00:46:06.864 --> 00:46:09.037
and she's getting married tomorrow,
and she's a little uptight.

1144
00:46:09.333 --> 00:46:14.476
And I was wondering if you could,
help her let loose a little bit?

1145
00:46:14.638 --> 00:46:15.673
You know?

1146
00:46:15.739 --> 00:46:20.745
Give her the "Hawaii
Five" experience?

1147
00:46:21.111 --> 00:46:23.751
The wink-wink, nudge-nudge
massage, you know?

1148
00:46:23.814 --> 00:46:27.318
I can't really wink,
but a wink-wink, nudge-nudge?

1149
00:46:27.618 --> 00:46:29.359
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.

1150
00:46:29.419 --> 00:46:31.092
Looks like you had
a bit of a fit.

1151
00:46:31.288 --> 00:46:33.859
No, no. That's wink...
That's wink-wink...

1152
00:46:35.125 --> 00:46:37.332
I feel like I've gotten
what you're trying to say.

1153
00:46:37.561 --> 00:46:39.802
-Great.
-But I figured it out.

1154
00:46:39.863 --> 00:46:42.469
-You didn't really communicate it to me.
-Okay, that's fair.

1155
00:46:42.533 --> 00:46:46.379
Yes, you want the special
"lam blissful" massage?

1156
00:46:46.503 --> 00:46:48.608
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

1157
00:46:50.240 --> 00:46:52.151
-How blissful is that?
-Don't worry.

1158
00:46:52.309 --> 00:46:53.845
Physically, no penetration.

1159
00:46:53.944 --> 00:46:54.945
Classy.

1160
00:46:55.012 --> 00:46:58.016
Spiritually, I'll be doing
an intimate tour of her qi.

1161
00:46:58.315 --> 00:47:00.352
You're gonna be good in there.
I can tell.

1162
00:47:01.518 --> 00:47:02.622
How's the temperature
in here, Jeanie?

1163
00:47:03.420 --> 00:47:05.297
It's good. Good. Comfy.

1164
00:47:05.455 --> 00:47:08.800
Good. Take down the
light a little bit.

1165
00:47:08.959 --> 00:47:10.666
So you're getting married?

1166
00:47:10.928 --> 00:47:12.464
I am. Yeah.

1167
00:47:12.663 --> 00:47:15.542
I know it can be a
stressful time.

1168
00:47:15.599 --> 00:47:19.513
You know it's like, "Who is
this for, me or my family?"

1169
00:47:19.670 --> 00:47:22.116
Yeah. I've recently had
an injury to my face...

1170
00:47:22.272 --> 00:47:24.274
which I'm a little
stressed out about.

1171
00:47:24.975 --> 00:47:25.976
Are you okay with oil?

1172
00:47:26.143 --> 00:47:27.451
Yeah, sure.

1173
00:47:30.447 --> 00:47:31.721
You know, in my country...

1174
00:47:31.782 --> 00:47:35.059
they call oil "God's
beautiful lubricant."

1175
00:47:36.053 --> 00:47:38.226
It sounds better in my language.

1176
00:47:38.388 --> 00:47:41.528
<i>Khuda Ira khubsurat lubricant.</i>

1177
00:47:41.792 --> 00:47:43.396
That's lovely.

1178
00:47:43.460 --> 00:47:44.495
<i>'KT!..</i>

1179
00:47:44.561 --> 00:47:45.972
Some ground rules.

1180
00:47:46.029 --> 00:47:48.635
One, no emotions.

1181
00:47:48.699 --> 00:47:50.804
-Okay.
-Two, breathe.

1182
00:47:52.369 --> 00:47:55.509
Three, there is no penetration,
only vibration.

1183
00:47:57.808 --> 00:48:00.186
What is happening?

1184
00:48:00.544 --> 00:48:02.785
I call this "The Bent Penguin."

1185
00:48:02.946 --> 00:48:05.426
This one is just
"The Ham and Eggs."

1186
00:48:05.582 --> 00:48:08.495
This one is called
"When Moons Collide."

1187
00:48:08.652 --> 00:48:11.155
"Angry Hummingbird."
"Angry Hummingbird."

1188
00:48:11.321 --> 00:48:13.699
This one is called
"House by the Airport."

1189
00:48:13.857 --> 00:48:16.098
Just checking in.
Everything good?

1190
00:48:16.260 --> 00:48:18.934
Hope you're enjoying this. For
me, it's just another Friday.

1191
00:48:26.036 --> 00:48:27.879
"Happy Doll."

1192
00:48:28.939 --> 00:48:33.046
This one is just called
"Taking a Break." I am pooped.

1193
00:48:33.210 --> 00:48:35.952
A little break. That's nice.

1194
00:48:37.848 --> 00:48:38.986
Here we go again.

1195
00:48:40.884 --> 00:48:42.420
Are you even touching me?

1196
00:48:42.619 --> 00:48:45.099
No, but my aura is.

1197
00:48:45.389 --> 00:48:47.926
Yes, it is!

1198
00:48:47.991 --> 00:48:50.403
Sweet baby Jesus!

1199
00:49:09.513 --> 00:49:10.651
How's it going?

1200
00:49:11.181 --> 00:49:13.661
Shit, I thought I
was alone in here.

1201
00:49:13.817 --> 00:49:16.764
Yeah. You're not.
I mean, we're alone.

1202
00:49:17.354 --> 00:49:19.698
How's Mike? Still
really jealous of me?

1203
00:49:20.324 --> 00:49:24.101
It's like, yeah, okay,
do I own a Tesla? Yes.

1204
00:49:24.261 --> 00:49:26.901
Do I make a shit-ton of money,
like, way more than Mike?

1205
00:49:27.064 --> 00:49:28.372
Yes. But it's like, who cares?

1206
00:49:28.532 --> 00:49:30.603
Do I get backstage
tickets to Rihanna?

1207
00:49:30.867 --> 00:49:33.438
Do I have a glass blowing
studio in my basement?

1208
00:49:33.503 --> 00:49:35.505
Hold up, backstage
tickets to Rihanna?

1209
00:49:35.672 --> 00:49:37.583
Yeah, she likes to have
me around. You know.

1210
00:49:37.741 --> 00:49:40.688
-RiRi is Alice's jam.
-RiRi, is it?

1211
00:49:40.744 --> 00:49:41.779
-Yes.
-That's funny.

1212
00:49:41.945 --> 00:49:44.425
She would freak out if I got her
backstage tickets to Rihanna.

1213
00:49:44.581 --> 00:49:47.721
Well, you could get her tickets.
From me. I'm right here.

1214
00:49:47.884 --> 00:49:49.261
Are you serious?

1215
00:49:49.419 --> 00:49:52.730
God, steam rooms just open up
your pores, you know?

1216
00:49:53.390 --> 00:49:55.427
They open up everything.

1217
00:49:58.562 --> 00:50:02.806
Backstage at RiRi is very fun.
Sometimes she plays the DJ.

1218
00:50:02.866 --> 00:50:05.540
You know, just scratching
records. You know like...

1219
00:50:09.973 --> 00:50:11.646
Shit, man. That's...

1220
00:50:12.075 --> 00:50:15.147
Are you saying you want me to
get in there for the tickets?

1221
00:50:15.212 --> 00:50:17.954
No. No, no, no. No.

1222
00:50:18.782 --> 00:50:20.455
Yes.

1223
00:50:24.121 --> 00:50:25.464
Tatiana?

1224
00:50:26.390 --> 00:50:27.630
Tatiana?

1225
00:50:28.458 --> 00:50:31.496
Sorry about that.
Looking for my wedding date.

1226
00:50:32.062 --> 00:50:33.063
Tatiana?

1227
00:50:33.163 --> 00:50:34.301
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

1228
00:50:38.468 --> 00:50:39.503
Please leave, sir.

1229
00:50:39.669 --> 00:50:40.909
What are you doing to my sister?

1230
00:50:41.071 --> 00:50:43.608
-Mike, I'm coming.
-No!

1231
00:50:54.117 --> 00:50:55.323
Get out!

1232
00:50:59.356 --> 00:51:02.769
Sure. Sure. Sure.

1233
00:51:02.926 --> 00:51:04.769
So, are we, like, close, or...

1234
00:51:05.429 --> 00:51:07.500
Let's put the washing machine
on spin cycle. There we go.

1235
00:51:09.299 --> 00:51:10.607
What the... Tatiana!

1236
00:51:10.767 --> 00:51:11.973
Terry!

1237
00:51:12.135 --> 00:51:13.478
Terry!

1238
00:51:13.637 --> 00:51:15.878
-Tatiana!
-Shut the fuck up, Mike.

1239
00:51:19.509 --> 00:51:20.715
I'm gonna kick your ass.

1240
00:51:23.814 --> 00:51:25.225
He is losing this fight!

1241
00:51:27.551 --> 00:51:29.428
God! I can see your nipple!

1242
00:51:33.557 --> 00:51:34.661
Get your butt out of my face!

1243
00:51:39.729 --> 00:51:42.972
Well, thank you so much.

1244
00:51:43.500 --> 00:51:45.036
I definitely needed this.

1245
00:51:45.202 --> 00:51:48.012
I know. Bring this gift
into your marriage.

1246
00:51:48.572 --> 00:51:52.247
-All you need is load-bearing ribbons.
-Okay.

1247
00:51:52.409 --> 00:51:54.912
And a reinforced ceiling.

1248
00:51:54.978 --> 00:51:56.252
I should warn you...

1249
00:51:56.379 --> 00:52:00.452
you may experience some
aftershock orgasms.

1250
00:52:02.052 --> 00:52:05.226
So, I wouldn't operate any heavy
machinery for a couple weeks.

1251
00:52:05.388 --> 00:52:07.994
That is not a euphemism
for penis. I mean like...

1252
00:52:08.158 --> 00:52:12.607
-tractors, cranes, big boats.
-Okay.

1253
00:52:12.762 --> 00:52:14.435
Good to know.

1254
00:52:14.598 --> 00:52:16.942
-And please hydrate.
-Okay.

1255
00:52:17.100 --> 00:52:21.173
I cannot stress this enough.
The consequences could be...

1256
00:52:22.439 --> 00:52:23.884
You could develop cancer.

1257
00:52:25.408 --> 00:52:26.716
You have a very good friend.

1258
00:52:32.082 --> 00:52:34.562
Wait, you did that?

1259
00:52:34.918 --> 00:52:37.831
Yeah, well, I felt so bad
about your fucked up face...

1260
00:52:37.888 --> 00:52:39.299
and I wanted to
make it up to you.

1261
00:52:39.923 --> 00:52:41.266
Thank you.

1262
00:52:41.591 --> 00:52:44.435
Hey, who needs a bachelorette
party when they have you around?

1263
00:52:45.795 --> 00:52:47.706
-He rubbed my butt.
-Yeah?

1264
00:52:47.764 --> 00:52:49.539
But with his butt.

1265
00:52:49.699 --> 00:52:52.305
It was like...
He was on ribbons.

1266
00:52:53.603 --> 00:52:55.207
I don't know what you did
with Jeanie in the spa...

1267
00:52:55.272 --> 00:52:56.876
but she's in a great mood.

1268
00:52:56.940 --> 00:52:59.443
Yeah, no problem.
She just needed a release.

1269
00:52:59.609 --> 00:53:01.953
I had an idea for
your graphic novel.

1270
00:53:02.112 --> 00:53:04.388
I thought you could do
like a Rum character,

1271
00:53:04.447 --> 00:53:05.949
who's like Rastafarian,
and he's like...

1272
00:53:06.349 --> 00:53:09.819
"I'm Rum Rum, get in my tum-tum,
and I play the steel drum."

1273
00:53:11.054 --> 00:53:12.590
"You can rum,
but you cannot hide, mon."

1274
00:53:12.756 --> 00:53:15.259
Yeah, that's awesome.
Already, that's so amazing.

1275
00:53:15.425 --> 00:53:17.735
No, that's such a good idea.
How did I not think of that?

1276
00:53:19.763 --> 00:53:23.802
I think when I get back, I'm gonna
stop selling liquor with Mike...

1277
00:53:23.967 --> 00:53:25.446
and start drawing full time.

1278
00:53:25.602 --> 00:53:27.081
-Really?
-Yeah.

1279
00:53:27.237 --> 00:53:28.739
That's amazing.

1280
00:53:28.905 --> 00:53:31.112
Do you know how few people
know what they really wanna do?

1281
00:53:31.274 --> 00:53:33.447
But then I think about what Mike's
gonna think about it all...

1282
00:53:33.510 --> 00:53:35.490
and he's gonna hate that idea.

1283
00:53:35.645 --> 00:53:37.352
He's so clingy.

1284
00:53:37.514 --> 00:53:40.358
When we were kids,
if I fell asleep before Mike...

1285
00:53:40.417 --> 00:53:42.488
he would always wake me up
so he wouldn't feel alone.

1286
00:53:42.652 --> 00:53:44.495
-That's kinda sweet.
-Yeah.

1287
00:53:44.654 --> 00:53:46.292
I don't know. I just...

1288
00:53:50.093 --> 00:53:51.470
Do you ever get that feeling...

1289
00:53:51.628 --> 00:53:55.132
that you're not good enough
to get what you really want...

1290
00:53:55.298 --> 00:53:57.107
so you're too scared to try?

1291
00:53:58.835 --> 00:54:00.143
All the time.

1292
00:54:00.837 --> 00:54:03.613
-Really?
-Like, all the time. it's terrifying.

1293
00:54:03.773 --> 00:54:05.650
-It is, it's terrifying.
-Yeah.

1294
00:54:05.809 --> 00:54:06.810
You're, like, stuck.

1295
00:54:06.977 --> 00:54:08.615
-Totally.
-Yeah.

1296
00:54:08.778 --> 00:54:10.280
Thanks. it's nice talking to you
about this.

1297
00:54:23.660 --> 00:54:25.105
Hey. where you going?

1298
00:54:25.161 --> 00:54:27.573
Is there a gang bang in the
ballroom you need to emcee?

1299
00:54:27.631 --> 00:54:29.110
Don't be such a drama king.

1300
00:54:29.199 --> 00:54:30.906
Yeah, I'm totally overreacting.

1301
00:54:31.067 --> 00:54:32.375
When you invite someone
to a wedding...

1302
00:54:32.535 --> 00:54:34.811
they obviously are supposed to
finger diddle your family members.

1303
00:54:34.871 --> 00:54:35.872
That's common courtesy!

1304
00:54:36.039 --> 00:54:38.315
Okay, hold up.
Lam a grown-ass woman.

1305
00:54:38.508 --> 00:54:40.545
I can finger diddle
whomever I want.

1306
00:54:40.677 --> 00:54:43.180
Just because you say "whomever"
does not make it okay.

1307
00:54:43.346 --> 00:54:46.816
It's not a big deal.
It's just like texting someone.

1308
00:54:47.050 --> 00:54:48.996
It's just like Tinder.

1309
00:54:49.152 --> 00:54:53.623
Swipe right, swipe right, swipe
left. Swipe left, swipe right.

1310
00:54:53.690 --> 00:54:55.499
That's very graphic.
That is...

1311
00:54:55.558 --> 00:54:58.698
Rotating your photos. Expanding
them, contracting them.

1312
00:54:58.862 --> 00:55:01.399
Are you deliberately trying to hurt
me? Is that what you're doing?

1313
00:55:01.564 --> 00:55:04.101
What? No! I was just trying
to get RiRi tickets...

1314
00:55:04.167 --> 00:55:06.113
to make my best friend
feel better, okay?

1315
00:55:06.269 --> 00:55:07.771
We're on Va cay.

1316
00:55:09.839 --> 00:55:10.840
No...

1317
00:55:11.007 --> 00:55:14.716
You are invited to my sister's wedding.
You're supposed to smile, nod...

1318
00:55:14.878 --> 00:55:16.084
and do what I want you to do.

1319
00:55:16.246 --> 00:55:17.247
That's the deal.

1320
00:55:17.881 --> 00:55:19.690
I thought that we
had a connection.

1321
00:55:20.250 --> 00:55:21.251
Like a spark.

1322
00:55:21.418 --> 00:55:24.365
You thought you were gonna bring me here
so that you could have sex with me.

1323
00:55:24.688 --> 00:55:27.168
Yes. No! What? Yeah, right.

1324
00:55:27.223 --> 00:55:28.224
Really?

1325
00:55:30.193 --> 00:55:31.900
Yes, obviously.

1326
00:55:32.062 --> 00:55:34.099
You are so hot.
And you smell good.

1327
00:55:34.264 --> 00:55:36.039
It's not a weird thing that I
wanna have sex with you...

1328
00:55:36.199 --> 00:55:38.145
because you are very sexy...

1329
00:55:38.301 --> 00:55:40.406
and you were leading me on,
and we are in Hawaii...

1330
00:55:40.570 --> 00:55:42.447
which is a sexy place,
and people have sex here.

1331
00:55:42.605 --> 00:55:44.915
God, dude, you built this
all up in your head.

1332
00:55:45.075 --> 00:55:46.952
Alice and I just
saw you on TV...

1333
00:55:47.143 --> 00:55:48.918
-wanted to go to Hawaii.
-Hold up.

1334
00:55:49.946 --> 00:55:50.947
Fuck.

1335
00:55:51.114 --> 00:55:52.115
You saw us on TV?

1336
00:55:52.282 --> 00:55:54.284
<i>No, I don't even watch
Wendy Williams.</i>

1337
00:55:59.556 --> 00:56:00.557
What?

1338
00:56:01.791 --> 00:56:03.327
What?

1339
00:56:03.426 --> 00:56:04.734
I thought you dug me.

1340
00:56:04.894 --> 00:56:06.168
Are you even a teacher?

1341
00:56:09.165 --> 00:56:10.166
No.

1342
00:56:10.333 --> 00:56:11.334
What about little Julio...

1343
00:56:11.501 --> 00:56:13.640
the dyslexic boy
who you taught how to read?

1344
00:56:13.803 --> 00:56:16.181
Made it up.
All of it.

1345
00:56:16.339 --> 00:56:18.615
Although I did have sex
with this guy name Julio once...

1346
00:56:18.775 --> 00:56:20.277
and I'm pretty sure
he couldn't read.

1347
00:56:21.244 --> 00:56:23.747
<i>Here I thought you were Michelle
Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds.</i>

1348
00:56:23.913 --> 00:56:26.086
Turns out, you're Michelle
Pfeiffer from Scarf ace.

1349
00:56:26.783 --> 00:56:28.194
And you didn't even

1350
00:56:28.351 --> 00:56:31.730
say hello to my little friend.

1351
00:56:36.292 --> 00:56:38.169
Come on, man.

1352
00:56:39.195 --> 00:56:40.299
Mike.

1353
00:56:53.977 --> 00:56:55.786
I'm really sorry...

1354
00:56:56.946 --> 00:56:58.983
I've been acting crazy.

1355
00:56:59.315 --> 00:57:01.955
It's probably about Luke, my ex.

1356
00:57:02.018 --> 00:57:05.192
Yeah. The guy who
died in the plane crash...

1357
00:57:05.855 --> 00:57:07.994
with cancer, and
AIDS, and stuff.

1358
00:57:08.158 --> 00:57:09.865
Yeah, that's the one.

1359
00:57:10.527 --> 00:57:12.666
Except none of that stuff
happened, 'cause...

1360
00:57:16.466 --> 00:57:18.070
I lied.

1361
00:57:18.134 --> 00:57:19.135
You lied?

1362
00:57:21.271 --> 00:57:22.375
<i>I can't do this.</i>

1363
00:57:22.439 --> 00:57:23.440
<i>Wait.</i>

1364
00:57:23.540 --> 00:57:24.575
<i>Sorry.</i>

1365
00:57:24.674 --> 00:57:27.348
<i>-That's okay. That's okay.
-Sorry everyone.</i>

1366
00:57:27.410 --> 00:57:30.584
<i>[just forgot my phone.
Can I grab my phone?</i>

1367
00:57:31.314 --> 00:57:33.555
<i>Sorry, I still don't
want to get married.</i>

1368
00:57:36.219 --> 00:57:37.357
My gosh.

1369
00:57:37.520 --> 00:57:40.399
That's almost as bad
as the plane crash story.

1370
00:57:41.224 --> 00:57:42.703
Why didn't you just tell me?

1371
00:57:44.694 --> 00:57:46.867
I didn't want you to think
I was damaged goods.

1372
00:57:48.064 --> 00:57:49.839
I would never think that.

1373
00:57:50.667 --> 00:57:51.873
"Love hurts.

1374
00:57:52.869 --> 00:57:54.542
"Love scars.

1375
00:57:54.704 --> 00:57:58.516
"Love wounds, and mars."

1376
00:57:59.542 --> 00:58:03.718
That's from a really old song,
for old people.

1377
00:58:05.014 --> 00:58:06.789
Why are you so nice?

1378
00:58:09.786 --> 00:58:11.732
'Cause I think you're nice.

1379
00:58:18.962 --> 00:58:19.963
David!

1380
00:58:20.864 --> 00:58:23.538
David, I need you here
with me now. Come on.

1381
00:58:23.700 --> 00:58:24.940
No. No.

1382
00:58:25.368 --> 00:58:27.746
Stangles, assemble. Now!

1383
00:58:27.904 --> 00:58:29.611
-Let's go.
-Is he okay?

1384
00:58:29.706 --> 00:58:30.707
Yeah, I think he's fine.

1385
00:58:30.773 --> 00:58:31.774
He's just got a lot on his mind.

1386
00:58:31.941 --> 00:58:32.976
Let's go!

1387
00:58:33.042 --> 00:58:34.612
Okay, I'm coming, dude. Jeez.

1388
00:58:37.447 --> 00:58:38.619
I...

1389
00:58:38.715 --> 00:58:40.626
You gave me a boost up.
Okay.

1390
00:58:48.324 --> 00:58:49.803
A line has been drawn, David.

1391
00:58:50.059 --> 00:58:52.562
A clear line in the sand.

1392
00:58:52.629 --> 00:58:54.233
Is that why you brought me
all the way down here...

1393
00:58:54.297 --> 00:58:56.436
so you could literally
draw a line in the sand?

1394
00:58:56.499 --> 00:58:57.705
I'm a visual thinker, David.

1395
00:58:57.767 --> 00:58:59.075
-God damn it!
-Son of a...

1396
00:59:00.370 --> 00:59:03.180
These girls, they've gotta go.

1397
00:59:03.239 --> 00:59:07.415
They pretended to dig us just
to get a free trip to Hawaii.

1398
00:59:07.577 --> 00:59:08.851
They're liars!

1399
00:59:09.012 --> 00:59:11.083
So what, man? So they lied.

1400
00:59:11.514 --> 00:59:12.925
I was talking to Alice.

1401
00:59:12.982 --> 00:59:14.928
You have no idea
what this girl's been through.

1402
00:59:15.084 --> 00:59:17.587
She needed this trip.
We might have saved her life.

1403
00:59:17.954 --> 00:59:20.867
We should be practicing
our speech for tonight.

1404
00:59:20.924 --> 00:59:23.336
Not babysitting the twins
from The Shining.

1405
00:59:26.195 --> 00:59:27.674
My God.

1406
00:59:27.830 --> 00:59:29.173
Why are you laughing at me?

1407
00:59:29.499 --> 00:59:31.445
You sound like mom and dad
when they're talking about us.

1408
00:59:31.501 --> 00:59:33.447
Well, no, fuck that noise.

1409
00:59:35.672 --> 00:59:37.208
Guess what! You're
gonna love this.

1410
00:59:37.373 --> 00:59:41.287
Tatiana was jerking
off our cousin Terry.

1411
00:59:41.444 --> 00:59:43.117
What?

1412
00:59:43.179 --> 00:59:44.317
Cousin Terry has a dick?

1413
00:59:44.647 --> 00:59:46.251
No, not "jerking
off" jerking off.

1414
00:59:46.316 --> 00:59:48.489
The female version of jerking.

1415
00:59:48.651 --> 00:59:50.324
Dude, let's just chill out...

1416
00:59:50.486 --> 00:59:52.625
focus on Jeanie,
and try not to be assholes...

1417
00:59:52.789 --> 00:59:54.132
for the rest of the weekend,
okay? Can we do that?

1418
00:59:54.190 --> 00:59:55.828
I can't do that, David.

1419
00:59:56.225 --> 00:59:58.296
Because I saw our
little sister...

1420
00:59:59.128 --> 01:00:00.129
What?

1421
01:00:01.030 --> 01:00:03.408
Well, let's just say
she was making this face...

1422
01:00:05.802 --> 01:00:07.509
What? She saw a ghost?

1423
01:00:09.639 --> 01:00:11.050
She really had to pee?

1424
01:00:12.408 --> 01:00:13.409
Doing vocal warmups?

1425
01:00:14.277 --> 01:00:15.950
What are you doing? It looks
like you're having an orgasm.

1426
01:00:16.012 --> 01:00:19.357
She was, David!
With the masseuse.

1427
01:00:19.882 --> 01:00:21.225
-What!
-Yes!

1428
01:00:21.417 --> 01:00:22.555
My God!

1429
01:00:22.685 --> 01:00:24.858
-She orgasms like a star.
-No!

1430
01:00:24.921 --> 01:00:26.093
What's next?

1431
01:00:26.356 --> 01:00:30.827
I'm gonna walk in on mom
giving dad a Push Pop?

1432
01:00:31.494 --> 01:00:32.529
What's a Push Pop?

1433
01:00:32.662 --> 01:00:36.007
I made it up, Dave. It's a
sexual term that I just made up.

1434
01:00:36.165 --> 01:00:38.702
-What's a Push Pop?
-I don't know.

1435
01:00:38.768 --> 01:00:40.645
-What's a Push Pop?
-I don't know!

1436
01:00:40.703 --> 01:00:41.943
What's a Push Pop?

1437
01:00:42.005 --> 01:00:44.508
I've been to the bowels of the Internet,
and I've never seen a Push Pop.

1438
01:00:44.674 --> 01:00:46.244
God,just tell me!
What's a Push Pop?

1439
01:00:46.409 --> 01:00:48.355
It's a whole hand
up an ass, David.

1440
01:00:48.511 --> 01:00:50.422
Is that what you want me to say?

1441
01:00:50.580 --> 01:00:53.959
-God!
-Two hands pushin' the pop.

1442
01:00:54.050 --> 01:00:56.121
-God.
-Is that what you want me to say?

1443
01:00:56.219 --> 01:00:57.755
I'll send you some links.

1444
01:01:17.140 --> 01:01:19.245
-We're at table two.
-I'll be at the bar.

1445
01:01:19.409 --> 01:01:20.945
-I said table two.
-I'll be at the bar!

1446
01:01:21.110 --> 01:01:22.282
You're out of control!

1447
01:01:23.112 --> 01:01:24.113
Thank you.

1448
01:01:25.248 --> 01:01:26.818
Trouble in paradise?

1449
01:01:30.987 --> 01:01:33.866
Freaking I don't care
if I cause a scene.

1450
01:01:34.023 --> 01:01:37.971
Freaking I will punch you 17,000
times in the face. Freaking.

1451
01:01:38.127 --> 01:01:39.128
Take a shot.

1452
01:01:39.629 --> 01:01:42.200
You look like Don Johnson
fucked Zack Morris.

1453
01:01:42.932 --> 01:01:45.811
Wait till Tatiana hears your shitty
speech after my crazy dope one.

1454
01:01:45.968 --> 01:01:47.345
She's never gonna
touch your baby bird again.

1455
01:01:49.439 --> 01:01:51.112
Thriller-Terry out!

1456
01:01:52.775 --> 01:01:54.277
So sad!

1457
01:01:54.444 --> 01:01:55.684
My God.
It's a movie about cameras

1458
01:01:55.778 --> 01:01:57.052
just following you everywhere.

1459
01:01:57.280 --> 01:01:59.624
<i>-Like The Truman Show.
-Yeah! Exactly like The Truman Show!</i>

1460
01:01:59.682 --> 01:02:01.389
Hey, Dave! Dave!

1461
01:02:01.551 --> 01:02:02.791
Hey, what's up?

1462
01:02:02.952 --> 01:02:05.626
I need you to come backstage right
now and practice the speech.

1463
01:02:06.989 --> 01:02:09.060
Dude, I'm kind of
talking to Alice right now.

1464
01:02:09.225 --> 01:02:10.966
Which is a conversation
you've now interrupted twice.

1465
01:02:11.127 --> 01:02:12.333
Our speech needs to kill.

1466
01:02:12.495 --> 01:02:14.532
Terry got a punch
up from Chris Rock.

1467
01:02:14.797 --> 01:02:17.243
I didn't want to tell you before because
I didn't want you to freak out.

1468
01:02:17.400 --> 01:02:18.401
I'm not freaking out.

1469
01:02:18.534 --> 01:02:19.877
Calm the fuck down, Dave!

1470
01:02:20.036 --> 01:02:21.174
You calm the fuck down!

1471
01:02:21.337 --> 01:02:23.112
Mike, you look like
your face is gonna pop.

1472
01:02:23.339 --> 01:02:25.148
You gonna come or what?

1473
01:02:25.208 --> 01:02:26.619
Let's go.

1474
01:02:26.676 --> 01:02:28.349
I'll see you backstage.

1475
01:02:31.881 --> 01:02:33.986
-I'm gonna go deal with this real quick.
-Okay.

1476
01:02:34.050 --> 01:02:35.996
I'll just talk to myself
for a while. All alone.

1477
01:02:39.255 --> 01:02:41.030
<i>look an your stupid face!</i>

1478
01:02:41.124 --> 01:02:42.626
<i>What's wrong with me?</i>

1479
01:02:42.692 --> 01:02:44.365
<i>Dan't fucking look at her.
Turn around.</i>

1480
01:02:44.427 --> 01:02:45.838
<i>Everybody get the
fuck out of here.</i>

1481
01:02:45.895 --> 01:02:47.238
<i>Fuck you, Luke.</i>

1482
01:02:47.597 --> 01:02:50.168
<i>I'm just gonna have
a little lie down, okay?</i>

1483
01:03:02.145 --> 01:03:03.317
Hi!

1484
01:03:03.479 --> 01:03:04.924
"Hi!
"Hi!

1485
01:03:04.981 --> 01:03:07.120
Did you need to
take a little breather, too?

1486
01:03:07.183 --> 01:03:08.685
No. Why? Are you?

1487
01:03:08.751 --> 01:03:10.230
Well...

1488
01:03:10.953 --> 01:03:14.332
You know, you think that
every moment is going to feel...

1489
01:03:14.390 --> 01:03:16.700
warm and glowy...

1490
01:03:16.759 --> 01:03:18.602
and absolutely magical.

1491
01:03:18.661 --> 01:03:21.608
But, then, some stuff happens.

1492
01:03:22.598 --> 01:03:23.770
-Sure does.
-Yeah.

1493
01:03:26.169 --> 01:03:29.378
Well, if you want
warm, glowy and magical...

1494
01:03:30.239 --> 01:03:31.309
I have just the thing.

1495
01:03:31.941 --> 01:03:33.113
I don't leave home without it.

1496
01:03:37.580 --> 01:03:40.220
Every bride deserves to have a little
fun the night before her wedding!

1497
01:03:40.283 --> 01:03:42.263
Yeah. I deserve to
have a little fun.

1498
01:03:43.486 --> 01:03:45.227
You are so nice to me.

1499
01:03:49.492 --> 01:03:50.562
This is gonna be so much fun!

1500
01:03:51.828 --> 01:03:53.102
We should find
something to suck on.

1501
01:03:53.162 --> 01:03:54.163
What?

1502
01:03:54.230 --> 01:03:55.231
Mike!

1503
01:03:55.298 --> 01:03:56.470
Here. Put these on.

1504
01:03:57.366 --> 01:03:58.538
-We need headsets?
-Yeah!

1505
01:03:58.901 --> 01:04:01.211
There's a lot of dancing
in our speech, my man. Right?

1506
01:04:01.270 --> 01:04:02.476
Gotta go hands free.

1507
01:04:02.538 --> 01:04:04.108
This is how we do it, baby.

1508
01:04:04.173 --> 01:04:06.210
Come on. Hey, check this out.

1509
01:04:06.275 --> 01:04:08.346
I'm going to "wedding
crash" cousin Terry.

1510
01:04:08.411 --> 01:04:09.481
What?

1511
01:04:09.545 --> 01:04:10.580
Put a few eye drops
in her drink.

1512
01:04:10.646 --> 01:04:12.421
That way she shits all night,
and can't do the speech.

1513
01:04:12.481 --> 01:04:13.653
Just like in the movie
Wedding Crashers.

1514
01:04:13.850 --> 01:04:15.591
Mike, that is a terrible idea.

1515
01:04:15.651 --> 01:04:17.927
-You've seen the movie!
-Of course I've seen the movie.

1516
01:04:17.987 --> 01:04:19.898
-You love that movie.
-Everyone loves that movie.

1517
01:04:19.956 --> 01:04:21.401
How's it a bad idea
if you love the movie?

1518
01:04:21.457 --> 01:04:23.437
I love Taken. I don't want
to go steal little girls.

1519
01:04:23.492 --> 01:04:25.199
But we shouldn't wedding crash
our own cousin.

1520
01:04:25.261 --> 01:04:26.501
I'm worried about you, man.

1521
01:04:26.562 --> 01:04:28.439
I'm really worried
that you're losing your mind.

1522
01:04:28.564 --> 01:04:30.168
The look in your
eyes right now...

1523
01:04:30.399 --> 01:04:32.379
You haven't blinked
since we've started talking.

1524
01:04:32.435 --> 01:04:33.880
Davie, Davie, Davie!

1525
01:04:34.103 --> 01:04:35.173
What?

1526
01:04:35.571 --> 01:04:38.177
I've never been in more control
in my entire life.

1527
01:04:40.209 --> 01:04:41.984
Mike!

1528
01:04:42.111 --> 01:04:43.920
Mike!

1529
01:04:44.447 --> 01:04:45.824
This is really intense.

1530
01:04:46.449 --> 01:04:48.087
Yeah, it's hitting
me really hard.

1531
01:04:48.150 --> 01:04:50.027
This is good ecstasy.

1532
01:04:50.486 --> 01:04:52.295
I don't know. I wouldn't know.
It's my first time.

1533
01:04:52.488 --> 01:04:53.899
-Wait, what?
-What?

1534
01:04:53.956 --> 01:04:56.300
Why would you take ecstasy
for the first time

1535
01:04:56.359 --> 01:04:57.804
on the night before
your wedding?

1536
01:04:57.860 --> 01:04:58.861
What?

1537
01:04:58.961 --> 01:05:00.338
That is so baller!

1538
01:05:01.163 --> 01:05:03.040
Like a tiny blonde gangsta!

1539
01:05:03.165 --> 01:05:05.509
This little gangsta would kill
for a motherfucking ginger ale!

1540
01:05:06.669 --> 01:05:07.739
Do you wanna go?

1541
01:05:07.837 --> 01:05:09.316
Okay, let's go.

1542
01:05:09.372 --> 01:05:11.215
Hello, everyone. Please
take your seats.

1543
01:05:11.607 --> 01:05:13.484
Welcome to the
rehearsal dinner...

1544
01:05:14.243 --> 01:05:15.916
for my man, Eric...

1545
01:05:16.012 --> 01:05:18.356
and his bride-to-be,
the lovely Jeanie.

1546
01:05:18.447 --> 01:05:21.360
They're two of the sweetest,
best people I ever met.

1547
01:05:21.484 --> 01:05:23.760
All right. Our first
speaker tonight...

1548
01:05:23.853 --> 01:05:25.662
is resident nasty girl...

1549
01:05:25.721 --> 01:05:26.859
Cousin Terry.

1550
01:05:28.257 --> 01:05:29.793
We can't let Terry crush.

1551
01:05:30.092 --> 01:05:31.162
It's not fair!

1552
01:05:31.227 --> 01:05:32.433
No. Give it to me.

1553
01:05:32.528 --> 01:05:34.235
My eyes are dry.
Just give it to me.

1554
01:05:34.630 --> 01:05:36.234
Do you guys know
who Chris Rock is?

1555
01:05:36.799 --> 01:05:39.837
He's my neighbor, and he helped me out
with a little something I like to call...

1556
01:05:40.102 --> 01:05:41.479
"mV Speech?

1557
01:05:41.537 --> 01:05:44.177
Stop. You're wasting it.
You're wasting the poison.

1558
01:05:44.240 --> 01:05:45.378
Mike, this is baby safe.

1559
01:05:45.441 --> 01:05:48.422
They removed the active ingredient,
Tetrahydrozoline, like 20 years ago!

1560
01:05:48.477 --> 01:05:49.717
<i>It worked on Wedding Crashers!</i>

1561
01:05:49.779 --> 01:05:51.315
That was not real life!

1562
01:05:51.380 --> 01:05:53.986
Now let's talk about
destination weddings!

1563
01:05:54.650 --> 01:05:56.129
It's like a vacation...

1564
01:05:56.185 --> 01:05:58.028
without the relaxation!

1565
01:05:59.722 --> 01:06:00.894
That's true.

1566
01:06:00.957 --> 01:06:01.958
Why aren't you on my side, Dave?

1567
01:06:02.391 --> 01:06:03.426
What?

1568
01:06:03.492 --> 01:06:05.904
I'm done with this shit, man.
I'm not doing our stupid speech.

1569
01:06:06.128 --> 01:06:08.335
In fact, I'm quitting
our liquor business.

1570
01:06:08.397 --> 01:06:09.501
There it is!

1571
01:06:09.732 --> 01:06:10.802
-Really?
-Yeah.

1572
01:06:10.900 --> 01:06:12.004
And what are you gonna do?

1573
01:06:12.134 --> 01:06:13.511
I'm gonna draw!

1574
01:06:13.569 --> 01:06:16.709
I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, and
Mom's gonna help me cover the rent.

1575
01:06:16.772 --> 01:06:17.842
Boom!

1576
01:06:18.040 --> 01:06:19.075
You traitor!

1577
01:06:19.141 --> 01:06:20.176
I ain't gotta rehearse!

1578
01:06:20.710 --> 01:06:22.519
I know how to eat dinner.

1579
01:06:25.681 --> 01:06:26.716
Keith, can you turn
me up a little bit?

1580
01:06:27.616 --> 01:06:29.118
<i>You turn your back an me...</i>

1581
01:06:29.285 --> 01:06:30.628
<i>when everyone else does.</i>

1582
01:06:30.853 --> 01:06:31.957
<i>Ba cks tabbing, treacherous...</i>

1583
01:06:32.655 --> 01:06:33.861
lying coward!

1584
01:06:34.090 --> 01:06:35.364
I don't think they
know they're on.

1585
01:06:35.424 --> 01:06:36.835
What? Where is that coming from?

1586
01:06:37.193 --> 01:06:38.433
I don't know what I did!

1587
01:06:38.527 --> 01:06:39.870
<i>It doesn't matter, Mike.</i>

1588
01:06:39.929 --> 01:06:41.340
You're losing your mind.

1589
01:06:41.530 --> 01:06:43.476
You just tried to poison
our cousin Terry!

1590
01:06:44.834 --> 01:06:46.074
Try a little harder. Am I right?

1591
01:06:46.135 --> 01:06:47.307
You're goddamn right I did.

1592
01:06:47.370 --> 01:06:50.408
Because I wanted her to shit hot
brown poop all over that stage.

1593
01:06:51.307 --> 01:06:52.684
That is unacceptable.

1594
01:06:52.742 --> 01:06:54.619
The mics are on, boys.

1595
01:06:54.677 --> 01:06:57.590
<i>I wanted her butt to explode
like a rotten cantaloupe.</i>

1596
01:06:57.646 --> 01:06:58.852
The mics are on!

1597
01:06:58.914 --> 01:07:01.986
You're just fucking pissed off because
Tatiana finger diddled Terry.

1598
01:07:02.218 --> 01:07:03.959
There it is!

1599
01:07:05.421 --> 01:07:06.991
It was for tickets to Rihanna.

1600
01:07:07.123 --> 01:07:09.034
You're sad, man. You are sad.

1601
01:07:09.425 --> 01:07:12.031
I'm gonna kick your ass
just like when we were kids.

1602
01:07:16.599 --> 01:07:17.873
My God!

1603
01:07:20.102 --> 01:07:21.376
-Do you wanna go?
-Don't do it!

1604
01:07:21.437 --> 01:07:22.677
These are coming your way.

1605
01:07:22.738 --> 01:07:23.773
Just stop!

1606
01:07:24.907 --> 01:07:26.580
God! That had to hurt.

1607
01:07:26.909 --> 01:07:28.217
Don't do it again.

1608
01:07:31.947 --> 01:07:33.187
<i>Why do you keep punching me?</i>

1609
01:07:33.249 --> 01:07:34.660
<i>DAVE". Why do you
keep rushing at me?</i>

1610
01:07:34.817 --> 01:07:35.989
Get him, Dave.

1611
01:07:36.085 --> 01:07:37.223
Who said that?

1612
01:07:37.286 --> 01:07:38.924
This wedding is going to hell!

1613
01:07:39.021 --> 01:07:40.193
Yes.

1614
01:07:40.256 --> 01:07:42.361
<i>They're out there,
smiling like fucking idiots.</i>

1615
01:07:42.925 --> 01:07:45.098
And they don't
realize the bride...

1616
01:07:45.261 --> 01:07:47.207
is getting off at
massage parlors...

1617
01:07:47.263 --> 01:07:49.573
<i>like a goddamn
Vietnam War veteran.</i>

1618
01:07:51.133 --> 01:07:53.670
I think they misunderstood what happened.
I think they just misunderstood.

1619
01:07:53.736 --> 01:07:55.875
<i>I walked in and saw
little Jeanie...</i>

1620
01:07:55.938 --> 01:07:57.747
<i>the bride-to-be, orgasming.</i>

1621
01:07:57.807 --> 01:08:00.219
<i>The masseuse got her off.</i>

1622
01:08:00.276 --> 01:08:01.653
God damn it!

1623
01:08:01.710 --> 01:08:02.780
Jeanie!

1624
01:08:03.212 --> 01:08:04.213
I hate you!

1625
01:08:18.294 --> 01:08:20.103
The rehearsal dinner is over.

1626
01:08:20.796 --> 01:08:23.800
Drinks by the pool, everybody.
Drinks by the pool.

1627
01:08:27.436 --> 01:08:29.973
Everything feels so good, right?

1628
01:08:30.106 --> 01:08:31.107
Yep.

1629
01:08:31.507 --> 01:08:33.043
You know what
I've been thinking about a lot?

1630
01:08:33.109 --> 01:08:34.179
Tell me.

1631
01:08:34.276 --> 01:08:36.222
Eric is so sweet and sensitive.

1632
01:08:36.278 --> 01:08:38.315
Kind, good, fiancé.

1633
01:08:38.380 --> 01:08:39.916
Probably great husband
and stuff, but...

1634
01:08:41.016 --> 01:08:42.825
Do you think Eric is boring?

1635
01:08:42.885 --> 01:08:43.955
Boring?

1636
01:08:44.019 --> 01:08:45.191
Like for my honeymoon...

1637
01:08:45.621 --> 01:08:47.760
all I wanted to do
was go on a hot air balloon...

1638
01:08:47.823 --> 01:08:49.598
to different countries
around the world.

1639
01:08:49.758 --> 01:08:51.965
And just be
surrounded by wicker.

1640
01:08:52.027 --> 01:08:53.529
We could have wicker
picnic baskets...

1641
01:08:53.596 --> 01:08:56.133
and I could make picnic hats
out of wicker.

1642
01:08:56.365 --> 01:08:58.367
We would be wearing
matching Chuck Taylors.

1643
01:08:58.434 --> 01:09:00.277
And he vetoed it.

1644
01:09:00.703 --> 01:09:03.081
Because he wants to go
to a resort, and just...

1645
01:09:05.174 --> 01:09:06.744
-perch.
-What?

1646
01:09:06.809 --> 01:09:07.913
I am a young woman...

1647
01:09:07.977 --> 01:09:10.253
-Preach!
-There is so much for me to see.

1648
01:09:10.312 --> 01:09:12.622
-Yes.
-I haven't even been to Burning Man.

1649
01:09:13.082 --> 01:09:15.289
I don't even know what
Amsterdam is like.

1650
01:09:15.818 --> 01:09:17.388
I haven't been to Seattle.

1651
01:09:17.520 --> 01:09:18.794
You've never been to Seattle?

1652
01:09:18.854 --> 01:09:19.889
No!

1653
01:09:19.955 --> 01:09:22.333
-Seattle's gonna change your fucking life!
-Really?

1654
01:09:22.424 --> 01:09:23.664
You need to get
out of this cage!

1655
01:09:23.726 --> 01:09:24.796
I am in a cage...

1656
01:09:24.860 --> 01:09:27.340
just like these
horses are caged.

1657
01:09:27.530 --> 01:09:29.407
Just let them out.

1658
01:09:32.067 --> 01:09:33.171
Let them all out.

1659
01:09:39.575 --> 01:09:42.215
Be free! No one can
hold you down!

1660
01:09:42.278 --> 01:09:45.418
Be free, my friends!
Follow your dreams!

1661
01:10:11.006 --> 01:10:12.246
Here to pile on?

1662
01:10:12.608 --> 01:10:13.609
Go ahead.

1663
01:10:13.709 --> 01:10:15.017
Any insult you can think of...

1664
01:10:15.077 --> 01:10:16.579
I've probably told myself
a million times.

1665
01:10:16.712 --> 01:10:18.385
Why were you trying to
poison your cousin?

1666
01:10:20.583 --> 01:10:25.828
I was jealous of the whole
steam room incident.

1667
01:10:25.888 --> 01:10:28.698
That is some crazy shit. That's
like something I would do.

1668
01:10:28.924 --> 01:10:30.562
This one time in high school...

1669
01:10:30.626 --> 01:10:32.128
this bitch tried to hit
on my boyfriend...

1670
01:10:32.194 --> 01:10:33.798
and I cut off her ponytail
while she was sleeping...

1671
01:10:33.862 --> 01:10:35.341
and I wore it to
school for a month.

1672
01:10:35.397 --> 01:10:36.535
What the fuck?

1673
01:10:36.599 --> 01:10:38.135
But you tried to
poison your cousin.

1674
01:10:51.614 --> 01:10:54.595
Look. I'm sorry I've been
so rough on you, okay?

1675
01:10:54.817 --> 01:10:58.526
I honestly think it's
because you're so much like me.

1676
01:10:58.754 --> 01:11:00.734
You act all confident...

1677
01:11:00.789 --> 01:11:03.793
but, inside, you're
scared of everything.

1678
01:11:04.026 --> 01:11:05.733
You act like you don't care
what people think...

1679
01:11:05.828 --> 01:11:07.398
but you really care
what people think.

1680
01:11:07.496 --> 01:11:08.736
And you try to act so smart...

1681
01:11:08.797 --> 01:11:10.435
but sometimes...

1682
01:11:10.499 --> 01:11:13.708
you're just afraid you're the
dumbest person in the world.

1683
01:11:16.472 --> 01:11:18.076
I'm so dumb.

1684
01:11:18.574 --> 01:11:22.044
I'm constantly saying words that
I don't know the meaning of.

1685
01:11:22.711 --> 01:11:25.055
Like, I use this
word, "assuage"...

1686
01:11:25.314 --> 01:11:26.691
all the time.

1687
01:11:26.982 --> 01:11:28.928
Can you assuage me the ketchup?

1688
01:11:29.051 --> 01:11:30.962
Can I assuage you
a few questions?

1689
01:11:31.153 --> 01:11:33.963
-Is that the meaning of it?
-I don't know.

1690
01:11:34.056 --> 01:11:35.535
But it's like, I'm so stupid...

1691
01:11:35.591 --> 01:11:37.867
but I act all confident,
so people listen to me.

1692
01:11:37.926 --> 01:11:38.996
And it's fucked up.

1693
01:11:39.194 --> 01:11:41.105
Me, too. I'm a
natural born leader.

1694
01:11:41.330 --> 01:11:43.105
Like George Washington.

1695
01:11:43.165 --> 01:11:44.269
Yeah.

1696
01:11:44.333 --> 01:11:45.573
Or another leader.

1697
01:11:53.142 --> 01:11:54.553
All right, here's one.

1698
01:11:54.610 --> 01:11:56.681
But I'm about to get super real
with you. Okay?

1699
01:11:58.147 --> 01:12:01.788
I thought I was destined
for such great things...

1700
01:12:01.884 --> 01:12:04.558
but I may never
achieve anything.

1701
01:12:08.090 --> 01:12:09.330
Sister.

1702
01:12:10.693 --> 01:12:12.604
Have you been reading my diary?

1703
01:12:21.670 --> 01:12:22.705
Yes.

1704
01:12:23.672 --> 01:12:24.776
Okay.

1705
01:12:37.252 --> 01:12:38.560
You are beautiful!

1706
01:12:38.620 --> 01:12:39.997
On to Seattle!

1707
01:12:40.155 --> 01:12:41.259
Alice?

1708
01:12:42.291 --> 01:12:43.292
Am I glowing?

1709
01:12:43.559 --> 01:12:45.232
I can see sounds
and hear colors.

1710
01:12:45.427 --> 01:12:47.065
Be free!

1711
01:12:47.229 --> 01:12:48.833
What the fuck are the
horses doing out?

1712
01:12:49.765 --> 01:12:51.176
Who the fuck are you guys?

1713
01:12:51.433 --> 01:12:52.639
Fucking gypsies!

1714
01:12:52.801 --> 01:12:54.940
Francisco! Francisco, run!

1715
01:12:55.337 --> 01:12:57.283
Shit!

1716
01:13:00.109 --> 01:13:01.179
Hey.

1717
01:13:01.243 --> 01:13:02.813
Dave! Hi.

1718
01:13:04.446 --> 01:13:05.789
What's up? What's up with you?

1719
01:13:05.848 --> 01:13:08.124
-What's going on? Are you okay?
-Me?

1720
01:13:08.283 --> 01:13:10.422
Yeah. I'm fine.

1721
01:13:12.187 --> 01:13:13.632
Yeah. Well...

1722
01:13:14.189 --> 01:13:15.964
Yeah. See, what
happened was that...

1723
01:13:16.125 --> 01:13:18.469
there was a tsunami,
and it took away our clothes...

1724
01:13:18.527 --> 01:13:19.767
but it brought these horses.

1725
01:13:19.828 --> 01:13:20.829
What?

1726
01:13:20.896 --> 01:13:23.137
And then, we wanted to get naked
because of Lady Godiva...

1727
01:13:23.198 --> 01:13:24.973
but then horses can't
eat chocolate.

1728
01:13:25.134 --> 01:13:27.114
They could have an aneurysm.

1729
01:13:27.269 --> 01:13:28.475
Where's Jeanie?

1730
01:13:28.570 --> 01:13:29.947
Hey, don't yell at her
just because she's the one...

1731
01:13:30.005 --> 01:13:31.609
-that told me to go to Seattle.
-Holy shit!

1732
01:13:31.673 --> 01:13:33.346
-I've always wanted to go!
-My God!

1733
01:13:33.409 --> 01:13:35.218
That is not her fault.

1734
01:13:35.277 --> 01:13:36.722
-My eyes!
-What's the matter?

1735
01:13:36.879 --> 01:13:38.483
Stop yelling. Why are you
yelling? David, stop yelling.

1736
01:13:38.547 --> 01:13:40.185
You're being loud.
And this a happy time.

1737
01:13:40.349 --> 01:13:41.692
This a really good time.

1738
01:13:41.850 --> 01:13:43.022
There's nothing wrong.
So who's at fault?

1739
01:13:43.085 --> 01:13:45.463
Did you know that Hitler's
parents were second cousins?

1740
01:13:45.654 --> 01:13:47.190
-Do you have any water?
-Put your clothes on!

1741
01:13:47.356 --> 01:13:49.563
I'm a woman, Dave.
Deal with it.

1742
01:13:50.793 --> 01:13:54.502
Because this is the bush
that you came out of.

1743
01:13:54.663 --> 01:13:56.006
I didn't come from that bush.

1744
01:13:56.165 --> 01:13:57.872
I came from Mom's bush.
And you know that.

1745
01:13:58.033 --> 01:13:59.478
Jeanie! My God!

1746
01:13:59.968 --> 01:14:01.345
You're completely naked!

1747
01:14:01.503 --> 01:14:03.847
-Hi, Becky!
-God, your bush is huge.

1748
01:14:04.006 --> 01:14:05.713
-You look tall.
-No, ma'am.

1749
01:14:05.874 --> 01:14:08.286
I told you to stay away
from these bitches.

1750
01:14:08.544 --> 01:14:10.683
Alice, seriously,
are you tripping?

1751
01:14:10.846 --> 01:14:11.847
No. God, no.

1752
01:14:11.914 --> 01:14:14.087
Why would say that? Just because
everything feels really soft?

1753
01:14:14.383 --> 01:14:15.987
Please. Just tell me the truth.

1754
01:14:16.151 --> 01:14:17.221
Are you on drugs?

1755
01:14:18.053 --> 01:14:19.498
We're super fucked up. Yeah.

1756
01:14:19.655 --> 01:14:20.690
What?

1757
01:14:20.756 --> 01:14:23.168
We started with ecstasy, but then
I went into my mystery bags.

1758
01:14:23.325 --> 01:14:24.702
Why the fuck would you do that?

1759
01:14:24.860 --> 01:14:26.100
Don't you judge me, David.

1760
01:14:26.161 --> 01:14:27.936
I don't think you're supposed to
go into the mystery bag...

1761
01:14:27.996 --> 01:14:29.066
the night before the wedding.

1762
01:14:29.231 --> 01:14:31.370
We brought you here because we
thought you were nice girls.

1763
01:14:31.533 --> 01:14:33.376
But Mike was right
about you two.

1764
01:14:33.535 --> 01:14:35.776
This whole wedding weekend
is just going to shit!

1765
01:14:35.938 --> 01:14:37.747
Dave, I'll be honest with you.

1766
01:14:37.906 --> 01:14:39.044
I need some clothes.

1767
01:14:40.075 --> 01:14:41.554
I can't continue to
wear this horse.

1768
01:14:41.710 --> 01:14:43.246
My God.

1769
01:14:43.779 --> 01:14:45.087
The wind feels so nice.

1770
01:14:45.247 --> 01:14:46.521
Come on, come on, come on.

1771
01:14:47.883 --> 01:14:50.193
We should go in the ocean.

1772
01:14:50.252 --> 01:14:52.391
I'm so thirsty! Dave,
we should get in the ocean.

1773
01:14:52.454 --> 01:14:55.628
Please, please, please,
just be quiet.

1774
01:14:55.691 --> 01:14:57.193
I love this song.

1775
01:14:57.259 --> 01:14:58.602
There's no music playing.

1776
01:14:59.728 --> 01:15:00.729
Baby, wait.

1777
01:15:00.896 --> 01:15:02.807
Don't worry. Only
our butts touched.

1778
01:15:02.965 --> 01:15:04.911
Stop it. Don't freak
out anymore, Pumpkin!

1779
01:15:05.067 --> 01:15:07.104
Don't freak out?
Don't freak out?

1780
01:15:07.302 --> 01:15:08.645
Tell me one thing.

1781
01:15:08.871 --> 01:15:10.077
Did you enjoy it?

1782
01:15:10.639 --> 01:15:12.243
No.

1783
01:15:13.208 --> 01:15:14.619
That is such a "yes" no.

1784
01:15:14.676 --> 01:15:15.746
No.

1785
01:15:15.811 --> 01:15:18.223
I'm gonna ask you again.
Did you enjoy it?

1786
01:15:18.280 --> 01:15:19.281
Yes!

1787
01:15:19.348 --> 01:15:20.383
Well...

1788
01:15:20.649 --> 01:15:22.219
Cat's out of the
frigging bag, isn't it?

1789
01:15:22.384 --> 01:15:24.295
I went for a normal massage...

1790
01:15:24.453 --> 01:15:26.490
but Alice, she had asked
for a little special treat.

1791
01:15:26.655 --> 01:15:28.566
And then it just kept coming,
and coming, and coming, and...

1792
01:15:28.724 --> 01:15:30.829
Who are these fucking girls your
brothers brought to this wedding?

1793
01:15:31.260 --> 01:15:33.797
You are clearly on drugs.

1794
01:15:33.962 --> 01:15:35.441
And we're getting
married tomorrow!

1795
01:15:36.265 --> 01:15:38.108
I'm scared, Pumpkin.

1796
01:15:38.267 --> 01:15:39.507
Aren't you scared?

1797
01:15:39.668 --> 01:15:41.477
Well, yeah, now I am.

1798
01:15:42.004 --> 01:15:43.312
It's just that...

1799
01:15:44.006 --> 01:15:48.455
I'm just a little
worried that you are...

1800
01:15:49.978 --> 01:15:50.979
boring.

1801
01:15:52.514 --> 01:15:53.857
What are you saying?

1802
01:15:54.016 --> 01:15:55.222
You don't want to marry me?

1803
01:16:06.094 --> 01:16:07.368
Well...

1804
01:16:07.529 --> 01:16:09.133
No, she doesn't mean that.
She's just confused...

1805
01:16:09.298 --> 01:16:10.538
because she's just rolling
super hard right now.

1806
01:16:10.699 --> 01:16:11.803
You rolled her!

1807
01:16:11.967 --> 01:16:14.038
-You're the roller!
-I'm so sorry.

1808
01:16:14.202 --> 01:16:16.614
I was gonna draw Rum for you.
But not anymore.

1809
01:16:16.772 --> 01:16:18.752
Everything is not irie, man!

1810
01:16:21.176 --> 01:16:23.782
You've made me so, so sad.

1811
01:16:26.348 --> 01:16:27.725
But a little bit mad.

1812
01:16:28.483 --> 01:16:29.894
But mostly just sad.

1813
01:16:33.855 --> 01:16:35.163
-Dad!
-Don't!

1814
01:16:35.324 --> 01:16:36.735
Mike, for once in your life...

1815
01:16:36.892 --> 01:16:39.873
please don't say a fucking word.

1816
01:17:04.319 --> 01:17:06.094
I hate them sometimes.

1817
01:17:06.254 --> 01:17:07.528
Fucking love them
and they're dicks.

1818
01:17:07.589 --> 01:17:09.330
Sometimes I love them,
sometimes I hate them.

1819
01:17:17.399 --> 01:17:18.400
Everything okay over there?

1820
01:17:18.567 --> 01:17:20.979
I can't find my other sock.
It's pissing me off.

1821
01:17:23.872 --> 01:17:25.613
Did you take my sock, bro?

1822
01:17:25.774 --> 01:17:26.844
No.

1823
01:17:27.342 --> 01:17:29.720
I think you took my
fucking sock, bro.

1824
01:17:31.346 --> 01:17:32.416
God damn it.

1825
01:17:32.547 --> 01:17:34.652
I can't believe Jeanie and Eric
aren't getting married...

1826
01:17:34.783 --> 01:17:36.592
and it's all our fault.

1827
01:17:37.252 --> 01:17:40.233
It's slightly our fault.

1828
01:17:41.189 --> 01:17:43.135
It's totally our fault. Fuck.

1829
01:17:43.291 --> 01:17:45.635
We got selfish. We
got distracted.

1830
01:17:47.229 --> 01:17:50.039
I don't think we were
#DoingltForJeanie at all.

1831
01:17:50.198 --> 01:17:52.075
We weren't #DoingltForJeanie.

1832
01:17:52.234 --> 01:17:55.078
Our fucking little sister.
Our little Jeanie Beanie Weanie.

1833
01:17:55.737 --> 01:17:57.614
She is Stanglita.

1834
01:17:57.773 --> 01:18:00.549
The one little girl we used
to let into our Stang Hangs.

1835
01:18:00.709 --> 01:18:01.710
The Stangle Dangle.

1836
01:18:01.777 --> 01:18:03.313
The smallest plane
in the Stangar.

1837
01:18:03.478 --> 01:18:04.616
Don't do it, dude.

1838
01:18:04.780 --> 01:18:06.088
We're supposed to
be her protector.

1839
01:18:06.248 --> 01:18:07.784
Don't you cry.

1840
01:18:07.949 --> 01:18:08.950
We're supposed to
look out for her.

1841
01:18:09.117 --> 01:18:10.289
Stop it.

1842
01:18:10.452 --> 01:18:13.399
We're supposed to be the two dudes
that have her back no matter what.

1843
01:18:13.555 --> 01:18:15.000
If you start, I'm gonna start.

1844
01:18:15.157 --> 01:18:17.433
We broke up her marriage.

1845
01:18:20.228 --> 01:18:23.141
Of course I'm fucking doing it,
man. We ruined Jeanie's wedding.

1846
01:18:23.298 --> 01:18:24.743
I'm doing it, too.

1847
01:18:25.300 --> 01:18:26.677
I hate it.

1848
01:18:39.347 --> 01:18:41.987
Man, we fucked up this wedding.

1849
01:18:42.050 --> 01:18:43.051
Yeah.

1850
01:18:43.218 --> 01:18:45.391
We fucked it in the dick.

1851
01:18:46.722 --> 01:18:48.395
You know I don't like it when
you say that. That's just...

1852
01:18:48.457 --> 01:18:51.165
I know, but we fucked
it so hard. Fuck.

1853
01:18:51.259 --> 01:18:54.433
I think the reason we get
ourselves into so much shit is...

1854
01:18:54.496 --> 01:18:56.567
we're always telling each other
we're so awesome...

1855
01:18:56.832 --> 01:18:59.836
when we're definitely
not being awesome.

1856
01:19:00.001 --> 01:19:01.309
That's deep.

1857
01:19:01.470 --> 01:19:03.279
Yeah, you know what?..

1858
01:19:04.873 --> 01:19:06.716
I wanted you to feel better...

1859
01:19:06.875 --> 01:19:09.048
and get your groove back...

1860
01:19:09.211 --> 01:19:12.351
but not all the way
better to where...

1861
01:19:13.782 --> 01:19:15.784
you wouldn't need me anymore.

1862
01:19:15.951 --> 01:19:18.864
Because if you don't need me...

1863
01:19:20.355 --> 01:19:23.029
then nobody needs me, and...

1864
01:19:23.692 --> 01:19:26.969
Anyway, that's what I was thinking when
I was knuckles deep into Cousin Terry.

1865
01:19:27.629 --> 01:19:29.575
Dude, we're always
gonna need each other.

1866
01:19:30.198 --> 01:19:31.199
Okay.

1867
01:19:31.466 --> 01:19:32.843
Okay, here's the thing.

1868
01:19:33.802 --> 01:19:35.509
I don't wanna stop being us.

1869
01:19:35.670 --> 01:19:37.741
But I think occasionally...

1870
01:19:37.906 --> 01:19:42.150
we should think about
how we make other people feel.

1871
01:19:44.446 --> 01:19:45.447
Like Jeanie?

1872
01:19:45.514 --> 01:19:46.720
Yeah, like Jeanie.

1873
01:19:47.182 --> 01:19:48.889
-Oof.
-Or like Eric.

1874
01:19:49.351 --> 01:19:50.386
Fuck.

1875
01:19:50.552 --> 01:19:52.190
This feels fucking terrible.

1876
01:19:52.354 --> 01:19:54.561
This does not feel good.

1877
01:19:54.756 --> 01:19:57.498
Like, Dave's so special and...

1878
01:19:58.226 --> 01:20:00.604
He must be so mad at me.

1879
01:20:01.029 --> 01:20:02.099
Poor Mike.

1880
01:20:02.264 --> 01:20:05.609
He's less special,
but I played him so hard.

1881
01:20:05.767 --> 01:20:07.212
They must be so mad at us!

1882
01:20:07.369 --> 01:20:09.576
They must hate us. Fuck!
I would hate us.

1883
01:20:09.738 --> 01:20:11.547
I would fucking hate us!

1884
01:20:11.706 --> 01:20:14.050
I hate us, man. I hate us!

1885
01:20:14.209 --> 01:20:15.347
I hate us, too!

1886
01:20:15.510 --> 01:20:17.217
But you're the best, dude.
I love you.

1887
01:20:17.379 --> 01:20:19.723
Don't lump yourself in with me.

1888
01:20:19.881 --> 01:20:21.360
I'm like a little troll...

1889
01:20:21.516 --> 01:20:24.292
who lives on nothing but
river water and squirrel meats.

1890
01:20:24.452 --> 01:20:26.864
Your drawing? I could never
do anything like that.

1891
01:20:27.022 --> 01:20:29.229
-So go. You go right now.
-What?

1892
01:20:29.291 --> 01:20:30.361
Go!

1893
01:20:30.425 --> 01:20:33.804
Don't let your loser older
brother hold you back.

1894
01:20:37.265 --> 01:20:38.608
You are not a loser.

1895
01:20:39.434 --> 01:20:40.936
Thanks, Dave.

1896
01:20:41.102 --> 01:20:42.604
Dude, you introduced me
to the Ninja Turtles.

1897
01:20:42.771 --> 01:20:44.614
Taught me Donatello was a pussy.

1898
01:20:44.773 --> 01:20:46.650
That Raphael was
actually dope...

1899
01:20:46.808 --> 01:20:48.788
because he didn't give a fuck
what people thought.

1900
01:20:48.944 --> 01:20:50.218
He's cool, but rude.

1901
01:20:50.378 --> 01:20:51.618
Exactly.

1902
01:20:51.713 --> 01:20:53.818
When all those kids kicked at me
and they called me "Moist"...

1903
01:20:53.915 --> 01:20:56.794
you stopped eating muffins
at the school lunch for a year.

1904
01:20:56.952 --> 01:20:58.625
They were too moist.

1905
01:20:59.754 --> 01:21:01.665
Made you an easy target.

1906
01:21:01.823 --> 01:21:05.327
You're my brother.
And I love you.

1907
01:21:05.493 --> 01:21:07.063
Heroes in a half shell.

1908
01:21:07.229 --> 01:21:08.333
Turtle power.

1909
01:21:13.401 --> 01:21:15.608
We're not going anywhere...

1910
01:21:15.770 --> 01:21:19.445
until our little sister,
Jeanie Beanie Weanie...

1911
01:21:19.608 --> 01:21:21.315
is getting married.

1912
01:21:27.015 --> 01:21:28.255
You just killed the TV.

1913
01:21:28.783 --> 01:21:30.524
I was aiming for it.

1914
01:21:32.988 --> 01:21:35.798
We are such idiots.
We are so stupid.

1915
01:21:35.957 --> 01:21:37.459
We ruined your whole wedding...

1916
01:21:37.626 --> 01:21:39.333
and we finally just
realized that.

1917
01:21:39.494 --> 01:21:41.474
All right. Please just
stop talking, okay?

1918
01:21:41.630 --> 01:21:44.804
Not another word. My
head hurts so bad.

1919
01:21:44.966 --> 01:21:46.172
Jeanie, Eric.

1920
01:21:46.334 --> 01:21:49.042
We can't let you not get married just
because we fucked everything up.

1921
01:21:49.204 --> 01:21:50.342
We love you so much, Jeanie.

1922
01:21:50.438 --> 01:21:52.509
We love you, Eric. We just want
you guys to love each other.

1923
01:21:52.607 --> 01:21:53.608
-Just love each other.
-That's it.

1924
01:21:55.677 --> 01:21:56.951
Jeanie, Eric.

1925
01:21:57.112 --> 01:21:58.614
We can't let you
not get married.

1926
01:21:58.780 --> 01:22:00.384
Yeah. Just because
we fucked everything up?

1927
01:22:00.548 --> 01:22:01.993
I mean, we want you guys
to love each other.

1928
01:22:02.150 --> 01:22:03.151
Love each other.

1929
01:22:04.319 --> 01:22:07.198
Okay. This is bizarre,
because we literally did that...

1930
01:22:07.355 --> 01:22:08.732
exact same thing.

1931
01:22:08.890 --> 01:22:10.528
We're even doing
this hand motion.

1932
01:22:10.692 --> 01:22:11.864
Yeah, all that was ours.

1933
01:22:12.027 --> 01:22:14.064
The point is,
this shit is all our fault.

1934
01:22:14.229 --> 01:22:15.867
No, it's our fault.

1935
01:22:16.031 --> 01:22:17.704
No, it's definitely our fault.

1936
01:22:17.866 --> 01:22:18.970
It is our fault for sure.

1937
01:22:19.134 --> 01:22:20.135
No, no, no. For real.

1938
01:22:20.302 --> 01:22:21.747
If anything, it's my fault.

1939
01:22:23.471 --> 01:22:25.075
Please stop.

1940
01:22:27.342 --> 01:22:31.449
Everyone shut the fuck up!

1941
01:22:32.113 --> 01:22:34.457
Jesus Hussein Christ.

1942
01:22:34.616 --> 01:22:36.562
God damn it!

1943
01:22:36.685 --> 01:22:38.961
Been trying to read
this same paragraph...

1944
01:22:39.187 --> 01:22:40.495
for 20 minutes.

1945
01:22:40.555 --> 01:22:45.095
But you four fucking morons
keep on fucking with my shit.

1946
01:22:45.794 --> 01:22:47.432
We've only been here
for three minutes...

1947
01:22:47.495 --> 01:22:48.701
so those other 17 minutes...

1948
01:22:48.763 --> 01:22:49.969
-that's kind of on you...
-Mike!

1949
01:22:50.031 --> 01:22:51.305
I'm using hyperbole.

1950
01:22:51.366 --> 01:22:54.210
I don't know what that means, and
I think you know that I don't.

1951
01:22:54.336 --> 01:22:56.338
Mike, do me a favor.
Shut the fuck up.

1952
01:22:56.404 --> 01:22:57.405
Go Eric.

1953
01:22:57.472 --> 01:22:58.542
Shut up too!

1954
01:22:58.606 --> 01:22:59.880
I mean, God damn it!

1955
01:23:00.041 --> 01:23:03.181
You're all self-absorbed,
barely-functioning...

1956
01:23:03.745 --> 01:23:04.985
codependent weirdos!

1957
01:23:06.147 --> 01:23:07.455
-Yeah.
-I know.

1958
01:23:07.549 --> 01:23:09.654
-That's pretty spot-on.
-We just figured that out.

1959
01:23:09.818 --> 01:23:12.594
-Those are not good qualities.
-We're gonna work on it.

1960
01:23:12.654 --> 01:23:14.656
-It's been a long time.
-It's been so many years.

1961
01:23:14.723 --> 01:23:16.327
We're both very confused.

1962
01:23:16.424 --> 01:23:18.529
No, no. You're not confused.

1963
01:23:18.626 --> 01:23:20.765
You're just coming
down off MDMA.

1964
01:23:20.829 --> 01:23:22.308
Sorry. Which I gave you.

1965
01:23:22.464 --> 01:23:25.138
And Eric, you can't blame her for
anything she said last night.

1966
01:23:25.300 --> 01:23:28.076
I've done so much
stupid shit on E.

1967
01:23:28.236 --> 01:23:30.807
I got so dehydrated that
I was drinking puddle water...

1968
01:23:30.972 --> 01:23:32.144
and I had to go to
the hospital...

1969
01:23:32.307 --> 01:23:34.913
'cause puddles are really dirty.

1970
01:23:35.110 --> 01:23:36.589
One time I was on peyote...

1971
01:23:36.644 --> 01:23:38.920
and I signed up for
a T-Mobile plan.

1972
01:23:38.980 --> 01:23:40.755
One time I got high.

1973
01:23:40.815 --> 01:23:43.318
I read the back of a shampoo
bottle for 13 hours.

1974
01:23:44.352 --> 01:23:45.524
Because it said "repeat."

1975
01:23:45.587 --> 01:23:47.123
-Rinse and repeat.
-I get it.

1976
01:23:47.222 --> 01:23:50.260
Jeanie, I know you think
that Eric can be boring...

1977
01:23:50.525 --> 01:23:53.131
Enough of this talk of boring!

1978
01:23:53.661 --> 01:23:54.731
Damn it!

1979
01:23:54.796 --> 01:23:59.006
Sixty percent of my investments are
in some pretty aggressive stocks.

1980
01:23:59.134 --> 01:24:02.513
I don't always look both ways
when I cross the street.

1981
01:24:02.670 --> 01:24:05.674
I've been known to have
a second glass of wine...

1982
01:24:05.740 --> 01:24:07.583
with my dinner,
every now and then.

1983
01:24:07.642 --> 01:24:09.315
I once went to see a movie...

1984
01:24:09.377 --> 01:24:11.880
walked across the hallway,
saw a second movie.

1985
01:24:11.946 --> 01:24:13.254
Didn't pay till after.

1986
01:24:13.448 --> 01:24:14.620
Is that boring?

1987
01:24:15.116 --> 01:24:16.117
Is that boring?

1988
01:24:16.184 --> 01:24:17.356
-What'd you say?
-Yeah.

1989
01:24:17.419 --> 01:24:18.955
-You're right. We were wrong.
-That was pretty boring.

1990
01:24:19.387 --> 01:24:20.627
Well, how about this for boring?

1991
01:24:22.490 --> 01:24:24.231
Barrl!

1992
01:24:24.325 --> 01:24:25.998
Two hot air balloon tickets
for our honeymoon.

1993
01:24:27.128 --> 01:24:28.402
I know you really
wanted to go...

1994
01:24:28.463 --> 01:24:31.342
so I got these tickets a
while ago to surprise you.

1995
01:24:31.699 --> 01:24:33.542
Surprise.

1996
01:24:36.037 --> 01:24:37.539
Baby, you're so
afraid of heights.

1997
01:24:38.173 --> 01:24:40.619
-Baby, I'm fucking terrified of heights.
-Yeah.

1998
01:24:41.042 --> 01:24:43.181
But my biggest fear...

1999
01:24:43.244 --> 01:24:45.383
is to not be the husband
that you deserve.

2000
01:24:46.681 --> 01:24:49.560
Baby, I'm sorry
I fucked so much of this up...

2001
01:24:50.251 --> 01:24:51.389
but I promise that masseuse...

2002
01:24:51.453 --> 01:24:53.455
He didn't touch my
lavender juice box.

2003
01:24:53.521 --> 01:24:55.364
God, baby. I love you.

2004
01:24:55.924 --> 01:24:57.665
And I know I want to marry you.

2005
01:24:57.992 --> 01:25:00.905
Today, if you'll still have me.

2006
01:25:01.396 --> 01:25:03.842
Babe, of course. Are
you kidding me?

2007
01:25:07.302 --> 01:25:08.303
Kiss her.

2008
01:25:08.369 --> 01:25:10.212
Baby, I'm crazy about you.

2009
01:25:24.419 --> 01:25:25.921
I want to marry you right now...

2010
01:25:26.087 --> 01:25:28.033
but, baby, we already canceled
all the vendors.

2011
01:25:28.523 --> 01:25:30.264
I don't think they're going to
let us get married here.

2012
01:25:31.826 --> 01:25:32.896
Leave that to us.

2013
01:25:32.961 --> 01:25:34.031
<i>(Fl BELIEVE III! A THING
CALLED LOVEPLAYING)</i>

2014
01:25:34.362 --> 01:25:36.000
Leave that to all of us.

2015
01:25:37.332 --> 01:25:38.470
-Yeah!
-Let's go, Mike.

2016
01:25:39.100 --> 01:25:40.670
This way! Fuck!

2017
01:25:41.102 --> 01:25:42.581
We'll actually just head around.

2018
01:25:42.837 --> 01:25:44.316
-Girl.
-I'm good.

2019
01:25:44.606 --> 01:25:46.085
So what part you like, brah?

2020
01:25:46.141 --> 01:25:48.314
-We need the whole pig.
-I can't give you a whole pig.

2021
01:25:48.376 --> 01:25:49.912
But we need to feed 100 people.

2022
01:25:50.378 --> 01:25:53.222
Could we please, please
have the wedding here?

2023
01:25:53.281 --> 01:25:55.318
For the last time,
we're out of venues.

2024
01:25:55.450 --> 01:25:57.794
-Hold me back. Hold me back, please.
-What?

2025
01:25:58.052 --> 01:25:59.087
Give us a place!

2026
01:25:59.154 --> 01:26:00.929
Everybody out of the way!

2027
01:26:01.122 --> 01:26:02.795
It's hot. So hot!

2028
01:26:02.857 --> 01:26:04.359
-Out of the fucking way!
-I want my pig back!

2029
01:26:05.126 --> 01:26:06.935
What if I supplied
all the liquor...

2030
01:26:06.995 --> 01:26:08.997
for every bar in this hotel...

2031
01:26:09.063 --> 01:26:11.669
at wholesale prices
for the next three years?

2032
01:26:11.733 --> 01:26:13.610
-Deal.
-Yes! Fuck yes!

2033
01:26:13.801 --> 01:26:15.075
I'll get you guys a venue.

2034
01:26:29.050 --> 01:26:30.051
Keith, get it together.

2035
01:26:30.385 --> 01:26:31.557
We need to move, move, move.

2036
01:26:31.786 --> 01:26:32.856
I'm doing my best.

2037
01:26:36.524 --> 01:26:37.628
Hell yeah!

2038
01:26:55.577 --> 01:26:56.578
And now...

2039
01:26:56.811 --> 01:26:58.154
a reading...

2040
01:26:58.813 --> 01:27:00.952
from the children's book
that I got in the lobby.

2041
01:27:01.249 --> 01:27:02.887
"Aloha moon.

2042
01:27:03.284 --> 01:27:04.957
"Aloha sea.

2043
01:27:05.119 --> 01:27:06.496
"Aloha you.

2044
01:27:07.121 --> 01:27:08.191
"Aloha me."

2045
01:27:08.489 --> 01:27:10.059
-I do.
-I do.

2046
01:27:10.258 --> 01:27:11.601
By the power vested in me...

2047
01:27:11.793 --> 01:27:15.331
by the website
www.beyourowndeacon.com...

2048
01:27:16.264 --> 01:27:19.507
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

2049
01:27:19.801 --> 01:27:21.610
Those assholes kind of did it.

2050
01:27:21.669 --> 01:27:23.080
Yeah.

2051
01:27:23.404 --> 01:27:25.077
Those assholes kind of did.

2052
01:27:25.240 --> 01:27:26.446
You may kiss the bride.

2053
01:27:26.507 --> 01:27:28.043
Okay. Kiss the bride.

2054
01:27:28.109 --> 01:27:29.247
Kiss the bride.

2055
01:27:36.584 --> 01:27:37.585
<i>Yaw.!</i>

2056
01:27:49.998 --> 01:27:51.636
-You designed this?
-Yeah.

2057
01:27:51.699 --> 01:27:54.111
Insane. We're at a wedding,
it's in the shape of a heart.

2058
01:27:54.168 --> 01:27:55.738
That was a really good idea.

2059
01:27:55.803 --> 01:27:57.339
I have so many good ideas.

2060
01:27:57.605 --> 01:28:00.279
At my last job, I was
on fire with ideas.

2061
01:28:00.375 --> 01:28:02.548
Actually, I need
a new partner...

2062
01:28:02.877 --> 01:28:06.086
because Dave is bailing on me
to draw things.

2063
01:28:06.547 --> 01:28:08.049
Would you wanna...

2064
01:28:08.283 --> 01:28:09.728
maybe come work for me?

2065
01:28:10.051 --> 01:28:11.052
Really?

2066
01:28:11.319 --> 01:28:12.730
What do you know about liquor?

2067
01:28:13.187 --> 01:28:16.031
Only that it's delicious
and I love it.

2068
01:28:16.157 --> 01:28:17.932
And those are
the two things you need to know.

2069
01:28:17.992 --> 01:28:19.403
You are hired.

2070
01:28:19.460 --> 01:28:21.269
Great. When do I start?

2071
01:28:21.462 --> 01:28:22.702
You can start right away...

2072
01:28:23.164 --> 01:28:25.610
but just know that there will be
some late nights.

2073
01:28:25.700 --> 01:28:27.373
Keep it in your pants, okay?

2074
01:28:27.735 --> 01:28:29.237
If we're going to work together,
let's just...

2075
01:28:29.671 --> 01:28:31.207
keep it professional.

2076
01:28:31.806 --> 01:28:32.876
Okay.

2077
01:28:33.007 --> 01:28:35.283
-We'll keep it professional, then.
-Good.

2078
01:28:35.343 --> 01:28:36.344
-All right.
-Good.

2079
01:28:36.411 --> 01:28:37.446
.0kaV...
.0kaV...

2080
01:28:37.512 --> 01:28:38.513
-Okay.
-Yeah.

2081
01:28:38.579 --> 01:28:40.058
-Are you sure?
-I don't know.

2082
01:28:41.482 --> 01:28:42.586
What?

2083
01:28:44.218 --> 01:28:45.697
-What'd you say?
-What?

2084
01:28:46.220 --> 01:28:48.393
Love me tender

2085
01:28:49.057 --> 01:28:50.900
Love me sweet

2086
01:28:52.894 --> 01:28:54.305
Never let me go

2087
01:28:58.399 --> 01:29:02.472
<i>You have made my life complete</i>

2088
01:29:06.574 --> 01:29:07.575
<i>I don't.</i>

2089
01:29:10.812 --> 01:29:12.621
Love me tender

2090
01:29:13.481 --> 01:29:15.085
<i>Love me true</i>

2091
01:29:17.118 --> 01:29:19.997
<i>All my dreams fulfilled</i>

2092
01:29:23.958 --> 01:29:27.269
<i>For my darlin' I love you</i>

2093
01:29:27.562 --> 01:29:29.371
Tatiana said this
was gonna happen.

2094
01:29:29.630 --> 01:29:30.734
You got my groove back.

2095
01:29:30.798 --> 01:29:31.833
Really?

2096
01:29:31.899 --> 01:29:33.708
That's the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.

2097
01:29:40.708 --> 01:29:41.778
I like you.

2098
01:29:48.950 --> 01:29:50.327
Wait. There's people everywhere.

2099
01:29:50.385 --> 01:29:52.456
-Let them watch.
-Okay.

2100
01:29:56.357 --> 01:29:58.098
<i>Hi, everyone.</i>

2101
01:29:58.159 --> 01:30:00.571
<i>Excuse us. Could we have
your attention, please?</i>

2102
01:30:01.963 --> 01:30:04.102
<i>My husband and I...</i>

2103
01:30:04.165 --> 01:30:07.908
<i>want to thank
four very incredible people...</i>

2104
01:30:07.969 --> 01:30:09.744
<i>for saving the day.</i>

2105
01:30:10.037 --> 01:30:13.416
<i>Mike and Da ve ve asked
to say a few words...</i>

2106
01:30:13.674 --> 01:30:15.483
<i>so we would like
to invite them up.</i>

2107
01:30:15.543 --> 01:30:16.578
<i>Come on, boys.</i>

2108
01:30:18.346 --> 01:30:19.347
<i>Thank you, Jeanie.</i>

2109
01:30:19.981 --> 01:30:23.053
<i>We never got to give our speech
at the rehearsal dinner.</i>

2110
01:30:23.117 --> 01:30:25.495
<i>Because we ruined it.
With fights.</i>

2111
01:30:26.320 --> 01:30:27.856
<i>But we just wanted
everybody here to know...</i>

2112
01:30:28.356 --> 01:30:29.858
<i>exactly how we feel about you.</i>

2113
01:30:30.324 --> 01:30:31.359
Lights.

2114
01:30:33.928 --> 01:30:34.929
You gotta get
bigger and bigger.

2115
01:30:36.230 --> 01:30:37.436
Did you know this was coming?

2116
01:30:48.376 --> 01:30:52.847
<i>You are so beautiful</i>

2117
01:30:53.347 --> 01:30:55.793
<i>So beautiful</i>

2118
01:30:59.053 --> 01:31:00.191
<i>To me</i>

2119
01:31:02.423 --> 01:31:04.198
<i>Can't you see?</i>

2120
01:31:04.258 --> 01:31:05.965
<i>You 're so beautiful</i>

2121
01:31:06.360 --> 01:31:07.930
This is real beautiful, man.

2122
01:31:08.229 --> 01:31:12.473
<i>You're everything I hoped for</i>

2123
01:31:12.867 --> 01:31:15.143
<i>In a little sister!</i>

2124
01:31:15.203 --> 01:31:18.980
<i>You're everything I need</i>

2125
01:31:19.040 --> 01:31:22.112
<i>Everything that I need</i>

2126
01:31:23.177 --> 01:31:24.588
They're kind of good.

2127
01:31:24.679 --> 01:31:26.454
<i>You are so beautiful</i>

2128
01:31:27.081 --> 01:31:28.355
<i>As a couple. Right guys?</i>

2129
01:31:30.418 --> 01:31:31.488
<i>To me</i>

2130
01:31:32.920 --> 01:31:34.524
<i>And to you.</i>

2131
01:31:34.989 --> 01:31:36.525
<i>And to you. To all of us.</i>

2132
01:31:36.624 --> 01:31:38.103
<i>You 're beautiful, Jeanie!</i>

2133
01:31:42.263 --> 01:31:43.742
<i>Da ve, everybody.</i>

2134
01:31:44.265 --> 01:31:45.801
<i>He's gonna draw!</i>

2135
01:31:46.133 --> 01:31:47.373
Love you!

2136
01:31:48.669 --> 01:31:49.773
So sweet.

2137
01:31:50.037 --> 01:31:51.675
Thought they were gonna blow it.
They did not.

2138
01:31:51.739 --> 01:31:52.740
That's good.

2139
01:31:53.107 --> 01:31:55.781
<i>This is haw we do it</i>

2140
01:31:57.745 --> 01:31:59.418
<i>This is how we do it</i>

2141
01:32:02.450 --> 01:32:04.623
<i>This is how we do it</i>

2142
01:32:04.952 --> 01:32:06.863
<i>This is how we do it</i>

2143
01:32:07.054 --> 01:32:08.499
<i>It's Friday night</i>

2144
01:32:08.556 --> 01:32:09.557
You don't throw...

2145
01:32:09.657 --> 01:32:10.863
<i>And I feel all right</i>

2146
01:32:11.592 --> 01:32:13.936
<i>The party's here
on the west side</i>

2147
01:32:13.995 --> 01:32:16.475
<i>So I reach for my forty
and I turn it up</i>

2148
01:32:16.531 --> 01:32:18.738
<i>Designated driver got
the keys to my truck</i>

2149
01:32:18.833 --> 01:32:20.972
<i>-Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded
-Faded</i>

2150
01:32:21.068 --> 01:32:22.069
<i>Honey on the streets saying</i>

2151
01:32:22.136 --> 01:32:23.240
<i>Monty, yo, we made it</i>

2152
01:32:23.404 --> 01:32:25.543
<i>I'm kinda buzzed and
it's all because</i>

2153
01:32:25.606 --> 01:32:27.449
<i>This is how we do it</i>

2154
01:32:27.542 --> 01:32:30.045
<i>South Central does
it like nobody does</i>

2155
01:32:30.278 --> 01:32:31.814
<i>This is how we do it</i>

2156
01:32:31.879 --> 01:32:32.880
All right.

2157
01:32:32.947 --> 01:32:34.324
<i>To all my neighbors,
you got much flavor</i>

2158
01:32:34.849 --> 01:32:37.159
<i>This is how we do it</i>

2159
01:32:37.385 --> 01:32:40.662
<i>#StangleBenoit2016.</i>

2160
01:32:41.489 --> 01:32:43.366
Hell yeah! Fo sho!

2161
01:32:44.425 --> 01:32:45.699
God!

2162
01:32:46.093 --> 01:32:47.128
Well...

2163
01:32:48.462 --> 01:32:50.066
I picked a bad pose, guys.

2164
01:32:50.565 --> 01:32:51.600
Fireworks!

2165
01:32:52.667 --> 01:32:54.271
These are for you, Jeanie!

2166
01:32:55.436 --> 01:32:57.382
Fireworks close the show!

2167
01:32:59.440 --> 01:33:01.215
Those are from China,
those fireworks.

2168
01:33:15.957 --> 01:33:18.267
You idiots! You fucking...

2169
01:33:31.105 --> 01:33:32.607
This is cool.

2170
01:33:32.673 --> 01:33:34.209
I didn't know you
could do it this way.

2171
01:33:38.479 --> 01:33:39.549
I'm done.

2172
01:33:39.614 --> 01:33:41.287
Fuck. Holy shit.

2173
01:33:41.349 --> 01:33:42.384
Okay.

2174
01:33:42.450 --> 01:33:43.952
That was great. Good job.

2175
01:33:52.627 --> 01:33:53.867
<i>(DA 111G D1GG1TY DA
111G P LAYI N G 1</i>

2176
01:33:58.265 --> 01:34:00.006
I'm so behind right now
on Game of Thrones.

2177
01:34:00.067 --> 01:34:03.514
I don't even know what's happening with
Khaleesi and her Dothraki boyfriend.

2178
01:34:03.571 --> 01:34:06.415
Okay. Well he's dead,
and so is Jon Snow.

2179
01:34:06.507 --> 01:34:07.645
Jon Snow?

2180
01:34:07.708 --> 01:34:09.585
Fuck that dude.
I'm taller than him anyways.

2181
01:34:09.710 --> 01:34:11.189
Saw him.

2182
01:34:11.946 --> 01:34:15.359
I just found out some spelunker
went dunkin' in your bunker.

2183
01:34:16.951 --> 01:34:20.125
You are fresh as a fucking dick
in the morning.

2184
01:34:20.187 --> 01:34:21.689
That's not that fresh.

2185
01:34:21.756 --> 01:34:24.168
Have you ever sucked a dick
in the morning?

2186
01:34:24.592 --> 01:34:26.833
I brush my teeth
with dick, girl.

2187
01:34:27.094 --> 01:34:28.095
Alright...

2188
01:34:28.162 --> 01:34:29.470
Alright... Okay

2189
01:34:29.563 --> 01:34:30.735
What?
Fox don't like that joke?

2190
01:34:32.833 --> 01:34:35.040
I'm gonna throw up.
You look like meat!

2191
01:34:35.136 --> 01:34:36.615
Inner dialogue, inner dialogue.

2192
01:34:36.737 --> 01:34:38.273
I once got lockjaw so bad

2193
01:34:38.339 --> 01:34:40.012
that I was
sucking a homeless man's thumb.

2194
01:34:40.107 --> 01:34:41.643
Dave actually had to
come get me from the hospital...

2195
01:34:41.709 --> 01:34:45.521
<i>because they iound 13 Pokemon
pugs and a skimmer...</i>

2196
01:34:45.579 --> 01:34:46.956
shoved up my butthole.

2197
01:34:47.148 --> 01:34:49.492
I just had to wait
to poop them out.

2198
01:34:50.151 --> 01:34:51.755
Pikachu.

2199
01:34:52.319 --> 01:34:53.525
Pikachu.

2200
01:34:54.188 --> 01:34:55.394
Charmander.

2201
01:34:55.756 --> 01:34:58.635
That's okay. No, no.
Keep your dick in.

2202
01:35:01.362 --> 01:35:03.672
For most of my life,
I thought goat cheese...

2203
01:35:03.731 --> 01:35:06.769
was a slang term
for cheese that's gone bad.

2204
01:35:06.867 --> 01:35:10.144
I'd see moldy cheese and I'd be,
like, "Dude, that cheese is goat."

2205
01:35:10.204 --> 01:35:12.013
Like, "Get that goat cheese
off the counter."

2206
01:35:12.239 --> 01:35:14.810
You look like a
deconstructed taco.

2207
01:35:14.875 --> 01:35:15.910
Like carnival food.

2208
01:35:16.043 --> 01:35:19.024
Like the waffle that the chef would
just go, "We're throwing that away."

2209
01:35:19.146 --> 01:35:20.853
What are we doing?

2210
01:35:43.504 --> 01:35:46.348
<i>And the home</i>

2211
01:35:47.908 --> 01:35:50.980
<i>Of the</i>

2212
01:35:52.913 --> 01:35:55.985
<i>Bra ve</i>

2213
01:35:58.486 --> 01:35:59.931
Play ball, Mike.

2214
01:36:05.893 --> 01:36:08.032
<i>You know we saw my nigga</i>

2215
01:36:08.095 --> 01:36:10.575
<i>Mike and me forever
It's the Stang life, bitch</i>

2216
01:36:10.631 --> 01:36:13.237
<i>Stang life, getting rich
Selling fucking liquor quick</i>

2217
01:36:13.300 --> 01:36:15.576
<i>Mike and me forever
It's the Stang life, bitch</i>

2218
01:36:15.669 --> 01:36:18.650
<i>Stang life I will never
die I'm a Stangle, bitch</i>

2219
01:36:18.706 --> 01:36:21.346
<i>Hunchback of Notre D
On the B</i>

2220
01:36:21.408 --> 01:36:24.480
<i>Flying fucking girls to my
sister's wedding at the beach</i>

2221
01:36:24.545 --> 01:36:28.288
<i>Now we in first class seats
Couldn't hold me back, G</i>

2222
01:36:28.749 --> 01:36:33.129
<i>Jeanie Stangie being wild Sippin'
Cristal, sippin', sippin' Cris ta!</i>

2223
01:36:33.187 --> 01:36:34.291
<i>Sippin ', sippin' Cristal</i>

2224
01:36:34.355 --> 01:36:36.164
<i>Jeanie, Jeanie,
Jeanie Beanie Weanie</i>

2225
01:36:36.290 --> 01:36:39.294
<i>Gettin ' married with Eric Guaranteed
he's got a big, big weenie</i>

2226
01:36:39.360 --> 01:36:42.671
<i>I'm proud of m y little sister
Proud that she got a wedding ring</i>

2227
01:36:42.730 --> 01:36:46.200
<i>And a necklace, Eric you're my brother
now So that means I'm kinda black</i>

2228
01:36:46.267 --> 01:36:48.076
Wait. Not really.
I'm white, man.

2229
01:36:48.169 --> 01:36:49.842
I'm just happy to be
related to you, honestly.

2230
01:36:49.904 --> 01:36:51.144
-Shout out to Eric.
-Eric!

2231
01:36:51.205 --> 01:36:53.549
<i>I be like Superman,
let me out the cage</i>

2232
01:36:53.607 --> 01:36:55.848
<i>I got out of my cast
and I flipped the page</i>

2233
01:36:55.910 --> 01:36:58.516
<i>And now I'm drawing comic books
like I used to do</i>

2234
01:36:58.579 --> 01:37:02.026
<i>Kinda cool, Little sister
Jeanie getting married too</i>

2235
01:37:02.082 --> 01:37:04.426
<i>Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch</i>

2236
01:37:04.485 --> 01:37:07.056
<i>Stan g life, getting rich,
selling fucking liquor quick</i>

2237
01:37:07.121 --> 01:37:09.533
<i>Mike, Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch</i>

2238
01:37:09.590 --> 01:37:12.400
<i>Stan g life I will never
die, I'm a Stangle, bitch</i>

2239
01:37:12.459 --> 01:37:14.496
<i>Yeah, we put the
wedding back together</i>

2240
01:37:14.562 --> 01:37:17.236
<i>First we broke it up
but we made it better</i>

2241
01:37:17.798 --> 01:37:20.438
<i>Nobody makes fun
of me in any way</i>

2242
01:37:20.501 --> 01:37:23.482
<i>'Cause I got Mike by my side,
and you know what he say</i>

2243
01:37:23.637 --> 01:37:26.083
<i>Scoliosis, now I'm
fucking yo bitch</i>

2244
01:37:26.140 --> 01:37:28.711
<i>Scoliosis, now I'm
fuckin' two chicks</i>

2245
01:37:28.776 --> 01:37:31.188
<i>Scoliosis, vroom vroom vroom</i>

2246
01:37:31.245 --> 01:37:33.418
<i>Comin' through the
jungle at you like boom</i>

2247
01:37:33.480 --> 01:37:36.051
<i>Mike and Dave Stangle on the ATV</i>

2248
01:37:36.116 --> 01:37:38.653
<i>We're gonna die
DAVE: It's my girls andme</i>

2249
01:37:38.719 --> 01:37:40.665
<i>My crew and us, we just cruisin'</i>

2250
01:37:40.821 --> 01:37:43.859
<i>Doin' fuckin' ba ck?ips
off jumps Guaranteed</i>

2251
01:37:43.924 --> 01:37:45.597
<i>Ran over my sister's face</i>

2252
01:37:45.759 --> 01:37:47.067
<i>It was kinda wack
MIKE: Mybad</i>

2253
01:37:47.228 --> 01:37:49.367
<i>But you know what?
We came back from that</i>

2254
01:37:49.430 --> 01:37:51.637
<i>You're getting married now
And it's okay</i>

2255
01:37:51.699 --> 01:37:54.373
<i>You're soiurassic,
you're so fantastic</i>

2256
01:37:54.435 --> 01:37:56.540
<i>Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch</i>

2257
01:37:56.604 --> 01:37:59.141
<i>Stan g life, getting rich,
selling fucking liquor quick</i>

2258
01:37:59.206 --> 01:38:01.743
<i>Mike, Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch</i>

2259
01:38:01.809 --> 01:38:03.584
<i>Stan g life
I will never die</i>

2260
01:38:03.677 --> 01:38:05.020
<i>I'm a Stangle, bitch</i>

2261
01:38:05.079 --> 01:38:07.116
<i>My boy Da ve, puttin
'pen to paper</i>

2262
01:38:08.282 --> 01:38:10.319
<i>Trying to get this
damn label off</i>

2263
01:38:11.018 --> 01:38:12.361
<i>Like Aftermath?</i>

2264
01:38:13.053 --> 01:38:15.055
<i>Vanilla Ice remodeled my house</i>

2265
01:38:15.256 --> 01:38:17.702
<i>Told Dave and I we
should start rappin'</i>

2266
01:38:17.758 --> 01:38:20.762
<i>(My brother's the best white
rapper IBLEEP) Eminem!</i>

2267
01:38:21.305 --> 01:38:27.764
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