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Yeah, good. - Alpha stacking. 796 00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:29,318 So, uh, what do you want from us? 797 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:31,887 Well, I think if we can get one of Henry's little, 798 00:36:31,889 --> 00:36:34,823 um, silly songs over to Matt and Zack, 799 00:36:34,825 --> 00:36:36,192 and they could put it up on chumpster. 800 00:36:36,194 --> 00:36:37,626 Uh-hmm. 801 00:36:37,628 --> 00:36:39,428 I don't know, let's see how it does. 802 00:36:39,430 --> 00:36:41,397 Right? Can't hurt. And everything these guys touch 803 00:36:41,399 --> 00:36:43,399 really does go viral. Did you guys happen to catch 804 00:36:43,401 --> 00:36:45,434 what they did with the American skin... 805 00:36:45,436 --> 00:36:46,936 Oh, I love that one. Promo campaign could... yeah. 806 00:36:46,938 --> 00:36:48,304 It's where the Hollywood masseur has sex 807 00:36:48,306 --> 00:36:49,438 with all of his customers. 808 00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:50,906 Yeah, tattoo artist, yeah. 809 00:36:50,908 --> 00:36:52,841 And these guys are just really amazing. 810 00:36:52,843 --> 00:36:54,577 And, you know, if we could get a song 811 00:36:54,579 --> 00:36:56,579 actually it's got some good keywords in it, 812 00:36:56,581 --> 00:36:58,380 that would really help with trafficking, 813 00:36:58,382 --> 00:36:59,915 you know, something, like, cocks, balls 814 00:36:59,917 --> 00:37:02,484 - and tits, farts, uh... - Oh. 815 00:37:02,486 --> 00:37:06,288 Clits. Maybe and balls and tits, right? 816 00:37:06,290 --> 00:37:08,657 You know, uncle stupid Joe, 817 00:37:08,659 --> 00:37:10,593 and we could set up a taping there. 818 00:37:10,595 --> 00:37:12,528 I mean, if he knows it's for now channel... 819 00:37:12,530 --> 00:37:14,330 Well, that's a good place to shoot, good sound, 820 00:37:14,332 --> 00:37:16,532 good lighting, yeah, and we could knock it out. 821 00:37:16,534 --> 00:37:17,900 Okay. Terrific. 822 00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:19,368 Great. Excellent. Terrific. 823 00:37:19,370 --> 00:37:21,470 Thanks, Mara. 824 00:37:21,472 --> 00:37:22,805 - Great meeting you. - Pleasure. 825 00:37:22,807 --> 00:37:25,341 Oh. Nice to see you. Thank you. 826 00:37:25,343 --> 00:37:26,709 Well, welcome to la. 827 00:37:26,711 --> 00:37:27,943 Yeah. 828 00:37:27,945 --> 00:37:29,478 Did you park in the garage? 829 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,380 Actually, um... His car got stolen. 830 00:37:31,382 --> 00:37:32,815 Oh, no, when? 831 00:37:32,817 --> 00:37:33,983 It was literally like a half hour 832 00:37:33,985 --> 00:37:37,586 after I got to la. 833 00:37:37,588 --> 00:37:38,988 Cops are trying to find it. 834 00:37:38,990 --> 00:37:40,356 Well, yeah, that'll happen. 835 00:37:41,591 --> 00:37:43,425 Sucks. 836 00:37:43,427 --> 00:37:44,793 Oh, I'm sorry. 837 00:37:44,795 --> 00:37:46,795 That should be the first episode. 838 00:37:48,031 --> 00:37:49,632 So, here I am, a young guy, 839 00:37:49,634 --> 00:37:51,333 basically fresh off the bus, right? 840 00:37:51,335 --> 00:37:53,002 Here in la. No clue. 841 00:37:53,004 --> 00:37:54,470 Wet behind the ears. 842 00:37:54,472 --> 00:37:56,372 Uh-hmm. But I know one thing. 843 00:37:56,374 --> 00:37:58,474 I know what I want. 844 00:37:58,476 --> 00:38:00,309 Unfortunately, I got a distant cousin 845 00:38:00,311 --> 00:38:02,278 who manages to set me up a meeting with the guy, 846 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,947 a producer who's pretty high up the ladder at MGM. 847 00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:07,549 Okay. So, we're having lunch 848 00:38:07,551 --> 00:38:10,753 and it's going fine, you know, small talk. 849 00:38:10,755 --> 00:38:12,855 And then I don't know where I got the nerve 850 00:38:12,857 --> 00:38:14,290 to do this, but, uh, 851 00:38:14,292 --> 00:38:15,357 right in the middle of lunch 852 00:38:15,359 --> 00:38:16,825 I just dropped my fork, 853 00:38:16,827 --> 00:38:18,294 I looked the guy in the eyes and I go, 854 00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:20,829 "I want in." 855 00:38:20,831 --> 00:38:22,498 And he's looking at me, like, 856 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:24,633 "what in? In what?" You know. 857 00:38:24,635 --> 00:38:25,934 And I go, "you know what I'm talking about, 858 00:38:25,936 --> 00:38:27,670 in the business. 859 00:38:27,672 --> 00:38:30,472 And I know you're a guy who can get me there." 860 00:38:30,474 --> 00:38:33,309 I said, "hey, I might be nobody, 861 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:34,843 but a few years from now? I'm gonna be somebody 862 00:38:34,845 --> 00:38:36,312 to be reckoned with in this town 863 00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:38,714 and if you don't help me out now, 864 00:38:38,716 --> 00:38:40,416 I might not be all that easy to deal with 865 00:38:40,418 --> 00:38:43,419 when our paths cross again." That was it. 866 00:38:43,421 --> 00:38:44,820 I was in. 867 00:38:44,822 --> 00:38:46,689 Wow, that's how you do it. 868 00:38:46,691 --> 00:38:48,390 Yeah. Yeah, I'll say, yeah. 869 00:38:48,392 --> 00:38:49,658 I mean, people can sense when you're determined, 870 00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:51,427 you know. And they don't wanna get 871 00:38:51,429 --> 00:38:52,461 in the way of that. Yeah, I wish I had a little bit 872 00:38:52,463 --> 00:38:54,830 more of that in me. 873 00:38:54,832 --> 00:38:56,031 You see this before? 874 00:38:56,033 --> 00:38:57,733 The celebrity tombstones? 875 00:38:57,735 --> 00:38:59,668 Merv Griffin, 876 00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:01,804 "I will not be right back after this message." 877 00:39:01,806 --> 00:39:03,472 - All right, that's good. - That's good. 878 00:39:03,474 --> 00:39:04,973 My absolute favorite is Rodney Dangerfield, 879 00:39:04,975 --> 00:39:07,676 he knew his plaque was next to Dean Martin 880 00:39:07,678 --> 00:39:09,545 and, uh, Marilyn Monroe. 881 00:39:09,547 --> 00:39:11,747 So, the epitaph, there goes the neighborhood. 882 00:39:11,749 --> 00:39:13,849 - Oh, yeah, it's very... - I love Rodney. 883 00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:16,685 Who's Arnie "rimshot" Roberts? 884 00:39:16,687 --> 00:39:18,587 You see, he was another comedian. 885 00:39:18,589 --> 00:39:20,789 People don't really talk about him here anymore. 886 00:39:20,791 --> 00:39:23,959 Always a gentleman, but never a gentleman. 887 00:39:25,795 --> 00:39:27,629 I think I know why nobody talks about him. 888 00:39:27,631 --> 00:39:29,064 No, there was a story behind that. 889 00:39:29,066 --> 00:39:31,600 Apparently, what Arnie really meant was, 890 00:39:31,602 --> 00:39:34,803 always a gentleman, but never a gentle man. 891 00:39:34,805 --> 00:39:36,438 Oh, okay. Okay? 892 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:37,840 And then, after he died, 893 00:39:37,842 --> 00:39:40,042 some moron assistant just typed it up wrong 894 00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,877 and sent it off to the mortuary like that. 895 00:39:41,879 --> 00:39:45,013 Wait, so, this guy's got a typo on his tombstone? 896 00:39:45,015 --> 00:39:48,484 Because this idiot assistant didn't get the joke? 897 00:39:48,486 --> 00:39:51,019 Yeah, pretty much. 898 00:39:51,021 --> 00:39:52,888 Well, that bums me out. 899 00:39:52,890 --> 00:39:54,123 - Depressing. - Yeah. 900 00:39:59,529 --> 00:40:01,029 Oh, hey, uh, stupid. 901 00:40:01,031 --> 00:40:03,866 Hey, look at this, the big TV star, get in here. 902 00:40:03,868 --> 00:40:05,467 Oh, yeah. Heard about the network deal. 903 00:40:05,469 --> 00:40:07,069 Congratulations to you, sir. 904 00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:08,737 - Thanks. - Hey, uh, ask them 905 00:40:08,739 --> 00:40:10,572 if they need a theme song. 906 00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:11,974 Actually, you know what? I got a new one. 907 00:40:11,976 --> 00:40:13,675 I think it's gonna be a big hit. 908 00:40:13,677 --> 00:40:15,411 Tell me what you think of this. Uh-hmm. 909 00:40:22,119 --> 00:40:25,487 Okay. So, it's like... yeah, yeah. A Christian song? 910 00:40:25,489 --> 00:40:27,089 Christian, Christian song, yeah. 911 00:40:27,091 --> 00:40:29,825 Oh, are you Christian or? No, no, here's the deal. 912 00:40:29,827 --> 00:40:31,927 I love religions of all type. Yeah, yeah. 913 00:40:31,929 --> 00:40:33,162 As long they're good people, you know. 914 00:40:33,164 --> 00:40:34,530 Oh, sure. But the deal is, 915 00:40:34,532 --> 00:40:36,498 nobody's music anymore. 916 00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:39,768 Except for Christian rock. Christians. 917 00:40:39,770 --> 00:40:41,637 Exactly. So, I'm thinking, hell, 918 00:40:41,639 --> 00:40:44,440 I can probably write the shit out of a Christian song. 919 00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:46,708 Why not throw my hat into the ring, right? 920 00:40:46,710 --> 00:40:48,477 - Sure. - Anyways, congratulations 921 00:40:48,479 --> 00:40:49,845 on your success. Oh, thanks. 922 00:40:49,847 --> 00:40:51,613 Well, it's still just a development deal. 923 00:40:51,615 --> 00:40:53,115 Just a development? What is wrong with you? 924 00:40:53,117 --> 00:40:54,950 You just sold a show to the now channel. 925 00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:57,619 Why don't you live a little? Hey, can I help you? 926 00:40:57,621 --> 00:40:59,521 Yeah. Hi, I'm Dave. I'm from the now channel 927 00:40:59,523 --> 00:41:00,923 - to check... - Oh, yeah, you're here 928 00:41:00,925 --> 00:41:02,658 to tape this guy, right? Yeah. 929 00:41:02,660 --> 00:41:03,892 Oh, good. Well, just go talk to Lance, 930 00:41:03,894 --> 00:41:05,594 he'll take care of everything. 931 00:41:05,596 --> 00:41:07,095 Okay, great. Because I just wanna ask him 932 00:41:07,097 --> 00:41:08,797 about lighting and then some sound issues 933 00:41:08,799 --> 00:41:12,000 and, uh, my penis is in my anus. 934 00:41:12,002 --> 00:41:13,969 There you go. 935 00:41:13,971 --> 00:41:15,504 Big fan. 936 00:41:15,506 --> 00:41:17,773 I appreciate it. Penis in my anus. 937 00:41:17,775 --> 00:41:19,842 Thank you very much. Wow, that's an oldie. 938 00:41:19,844 --> 00:41:22,711 Well, I used to intern at x company record, so. 939 00:41:22,713 --> 00:41:24,213 Hey, Fabian man, I love him. 940 00:41:24,215 --> 00:41:25,547 And I ran to him at a coffee shop 941 00:41:25,549 --> 00:41:26,815 the other day. Uh-hmm. 942 00:41:26,817 --> 00:41:28,183 I asked him how things are going. 943 00:41:28,185 --> 00:41:30,018 He asked me if I needed room for cream. 944 00:41:31,988 --> 00:41:33,222 Fucking rich. All right, Dave. 945 00:41:33,224 --> 00:41:34,823 Go take yours. Nice meeting you, 946 00:41:34,825 --> 00:41:36,225 I appreciate you, good luck. Likewise. 947 00:41:36,227 --> 00:41:38,961 All right. Bye. Dickies, let's go-es. 948 00:41:43,500 --> 00:41:45,601 I think your persona definitely matches 949 00:41:45,603 --> 00:41:46,802 the jokes that you do. 950 00:41:46,804 --> 00:41:49,137 And I've seen a lot of comics, 951 00:41:49,139 --> 00:41:50,839 that try to avoid that. And I don't know, 952 00:41:50,841 --> 00:41:52,207 I think what you're doing's great. 953 00:41:52,209 --> 00:41:53,876 Really? That's so good to hear. 954 00:41:53,878 --> 00:41:55,077 Because a lot of my friends and family 955 00:41:55,079 --> 00:41:56,645 think that I'm not fat enough 956 00:41:56,647 --> 00:41:57,980 to tell fat jokes about myself. 957 00:41:57,982 --> 00:41:59,748 Oh, I think you are. 958 00:41:59,750 --> 00:42:00,983 - I mean, uh... - Hey, like, hey, 959 00:42:00,985 --> 00:42:02,150 there you are. Oh, gosh. 960 00:42:02,152 --> 00:42:03,886 Come, come with me. 961 00:42:03,888 --> 00:42:06,021 I invited some people from my tennis club 962 00:42:06,023 --> 00:42:08,690 and they're right over here. Let me introduce you. 963 00:42:08,692 --> 00:42:10,893 - Hi, everybody. - Hello. 964 00:42:10,895 --> 00:42:13,529 This is Henry, and this is frank. 965 00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:14,863 Hi, frank. Uh, Phil. 966 00:42:14,865 --> 00:42:16,031 Oh, Phil. I'm sorry. 967 00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:17,833 You're frank. No. 968 00:42:17,835 --> 00:42:20,202 Mark? I'm Jim, this is my wife, Mary. 969 00:42:20,204 --> 00:42:21,970 Uh, I'm sorry. Who are you? 970 00:42:21,972 --> 00:42:24,172 Oh, I'm Ellen. 971 00:42:24,174 --> 00:42:26,642 And this was Henry, you know, 972 00:42:26,644 --> 00:42:27,943 singer or songwriter. 973 00:42:27,945 --> 00:42:29,778 Troubadour extraordinaire. 974 00:42:29,780 --> 00:42:31,680 And let me make sure I get this right. 975 00:42:31,682 --> 00:42:34,750 He's a singer, songwriter, troubadour extraordinaire 976 00:42:34,752 --> 00:42:37,853 who plays clubs and coffee houses nationwide. 977 00:42:37,855 --> 00:42:39,054 Ladies and gentlemen, let's give it up 978 00:42:39,056 --> 00:42:41,590 for Henry Phillips. 979 00:42:46,095 --> 00:42:48,664 Hey, thanks, everybody. 980 00:42:48,666 --> 00:42:50,098 This is just a song 981 00:42:50,100 --> 00:42:52,067 that I wrote and I hope you enjoy it. 982 00:44:02,706 --> 00:44:05,207 Hey, Henry, so I just spoke to Jay. 983 00:44:05,209 --> 00:44:06,908 And he said Mara at the now channel 984 00:44:06,910 --> 00:44:08,677 really liked the video 985 00:44:08,679 --> 00:44:10,212 and they're ready to make an offer. 986 00:44:10,214 --> 00:44:11,747 Oh, that's awesome. Did they say anything 987 00:44:11,749 --> 00:44:13,649 about when we were gonna get paid? 988 00:44:13,651 --> 00:44:15,117 Well, Jay said it might take a little while, 989 00:44:15,119 --> 00:44:16,818 but I could get you some regional gigs 990 00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:18,987 to sign you over if you're up for it. 991 00:44:18,989 --> 00:44:21,923 How about next Thursday at the nugget hotel in Nevada? 992 00:44:21,925 --> 00:44:24,326 I had a client in there earlier, but he pulled out, 993 00:44:24,328 --> 00:44:25,827 so this would be perfect. 994 00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:27,829 And that pays 500 bucks. 995 00:44:27,831 --> 00:44:30,666 And then, if you go up there the night before, 996 00:44:30,668 --> 00:44:34,069 uh, there's a place called the folk house in Ukiah. 997 00:44:34,071 --> 00:44:36,371 And they $250 and both of these, 998 00:44:36,373 --> 00:44:38,140 of course, include hotel. 999 00:44:38,142 --> 00:44:40,008 I guess, I should probably write this down. 1000 00:44:40,010 --> 00:44:41,109 Oh, nonsense, Henry. 1001 00:44:41,111 --> 00:44:42,711 I'll send you an email. 1002 00:44:42,713 --> 00:44:44,713 Come on, this is the 20th century. 1003 00:44:44,715 --> 00:44:46,682 Oh, and here's the best news. You could take the greyhound bus 1004 00:44:46,684 --> 00:44:47,983 for the whole trip and it won't cost you 1005 00:44:47,985 --> 00:44:49,785 more than a hundred bucks. 1006 00:44:49,787 --> 00:44:51,119 So, should I lock it in for next weekend? 1007 00:44:51,121 --> 00:44:52,821 Yeah, let's do it. 1008 00:44:56,125 --> 00:44:57,959 Hey. Good morning. 1009 00:44:57,961 --> 00:44:59,928 - Oh, hey, guys, how's it going? - Good. 1010 00:44:59,930 --> 00:45:02,698 Just making some gourmet coffee that I bought. 1011 00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:05,367 Ooh, congrats. Yeah. 1012 00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:07,269 Hey, um, do you have a minute? 1013 00:45:07,271 --> 00:45:09,271 Yeah. Is everything okay or? 1014 00:45:09,273 --> 00:45:13,041 Yeah, we just wanna talk to you. 1015 00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:14,810 Nothing bad. Okay. Yeah. 1016 00:45:16,913 --> 00:45:18,980 Okay. 1017 00:45:18,982 --> 00:45:22,417 What's happening? Well, um, 1018 00:45:22,419 --> 00:45:24,286 our, uh, adoption plans 1019 00:45:24,288 --> 00:45:27,155 are starting to look kind of iffy 1020 00:45:27,157 --> 00:45:30,358 and we... we're, kind of, getting cold feet 1021 00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:33,128 about the fost-adopt process. Yeah. 1022 00:45:33,130 --> 00:45:35,363 - Sorry to hear that. - Yeah, thanks. 1023 00:45:35,365 --> 00:45:38,767 And so, Zoe and I 1024 00:45:38,769 --> 00:45:42,738 were thinking about... 1025 00:45:42,740 --> 00:45:44,372 Well, we're wondering 1026 00:45:44,374 --> 00:45:46,441 if you would father our child. 1027 00:45:48,745 --> 00:45:50,779 Yeah, I mean, if you think about it, Henry, 1028 00:45:50,781 --> 00:45:53,749 it makes perfect sense. 1029 00:45:53,751 --> 00:45:55,751 I mean, you and I are... 1030 00:45:55,753 --> 00:45:57,285 No. I know what you guys 1031 00:45:57,287 --> 00:45:58,987 have been going through and how hard it's gonna be 1032 00:45:58,989 --> 00:46:02,124 and, you know, I would do anything for you. 1033 00:46:02,126 --> 00:46:05,260 Thanks. But, um, 1034 00:46:05,262 --> 00:46:07,996 I mean, that's a pretty heavy thing to think about. 1035 00:46:07,998 --> 00:46:10,332 Like, would i... Would I be involved 1036 00:46:10,334 --> 00:46:12,768 in the child's life? Oh, god, no. 1037 00:46:12,770 --> 00:46:14,402 We wouldn't let you near the child. 1038 00:46:14,404 --> 00:46:15,971 Oh, yeah. 1039 00:46:15,973 --> 00:46:19,040 Um, I, uh... 1040 00:46:19,042 --> 00:46:20,976 And then, how does that work? 1041 00:46:20,978 --> 00:46:22,277 Like, is it, like, 1042 00:46:22,279 --> 00:46:24,980 - a in vitro or... - No, no. 1043 00:46:24,982 --> 00:46:27,315 Actually, that's a very expensive procedure 1044 00:46:27,317 --> 00:46:29,351 and it's not always successful. 1045 00:46:29,353 --> 00:46:31,119 Uh-hmm. So, what we were hoping for 1046 00:46:31,121 --> 00:46:34,456 was that we could do it the old-fashioned way. 1047 00:46:34,458 --> 00:46:36,958 You know, wearing bonnets. 1048 00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:38,960 I'm sorry. Old-fashioned 1049 00:46:38,962 --> 00:46:41,263 and that would mean, 1050 00:46:41,265 --> 00:46:43,165 unfortunately, you'd have to have sex with Zoe, 1051 00:46:43,167 --> 00:46:45,500 so my apologies ahead of time. 1052 00:46:45,502 --> 00:46:47,068 You know, we're both okay 1053 00:46:47,070 --> 00:46:50,138 with the idea of you guys having sex 1054 00:46:50,140 --> 00:46:53,441 and, um, we just really wanna make sure 1055 00:46:53,443 --> 00:46:54,543 you're comfortable 1056 00:46:54,545 --> 00:46:56,545 and that you know 1057 00:46:56,547 --> 00:47:00,182 that there is zero obligation on your part. 1058 00:47:00,184 --> 00:47:02,484 And that we're more than happy 1059 00:47:02,486 --> 00:47:05,453 to have a contract with you, 1060 00:47:05,455 --> 00:47:07,055 or just... Well, that's not the issue. 1061 00:47:07,057 --> 00:47:09,357 I mean, um, 1062 00:47:09,359 --> 00:47:11,092 I guess, it's just... It's pretty heavy. 1063 00:47:11,094 --> 00:47:13,128 - So, I'm trying to kind of... - Yeah. 1064 00:47:13,130 --> 00:47:15,297 And honestly, we don't need an answer right now. 1065 00:47:15,299 --> 00:47:17,465 You can think about it. If you have any questions, 1066 00:47:17,467 --> 00:47:18,900 there's no rush. 1067 00:47:18,902 --> 00:47:20,502 Yeah, I mean, you know, 1068 00:47:20,504 --> 00:47:22,504 finish your coffee and then give us an answer. 1069 00:47:22,506 --> 00:47:25,040 Might need more time than that, but how about this, 1070 00:47:25,042 --> 00:47:28,276 I promise that I will give it a lot of thought, 1071 00:47:28,278 --> 00:47:30,478 and I'll consider it, and I'll ask if I have any 1072 00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,113 - other questions about it. - Thanks. 1073 00:47:32,115 --> 00:47:34,115 - And, um... - Great. 1074 00:47:34,117 --> 00:47:35,417 We'll, then it's out there and... 1075 00:47:35,419 --> 00:47:37,052 Uh-hmm. Yeah. 1076 00:47:37,054 --> 00:47:39,421 - Let's move on, shall we? - Okay. 1077 00:47:39,423 --> 00:47:42,224 His name was Arnie "rimshot" Roberts. 1078 00:47:42,226 --> 00:47:44,492 So, anyway, he wanted it to say, 1079 00:47:44,494 --> 00:47:46,561 "never a gentle man." 1080 00:47:46,563 --> 00:47:49,297 So, this poor guy's got a typo on his tombstone 1081 00:47:49,299 --> 00:47:51,600 for all of eternity because, uh... 1082 00:47:51,602 --> 00:47:53,201 Hey, how's it going? 1083 00:47:53,203 --> 00:47:54,336 Hi. Good. 1084 00:47:54,338 --> 00:47:57,505 Oh. Somebody smells good. 1085 00:47:57,507 --> 00:48:00,008 Who is it? Come here. 1086 00:48:03,212 --> 00:48:05,080 All right, next round on me. Drinks for everyone. 1087 00:48:05,082 --> 00:48:06,514 - So, Henry. - Yeah. 1088 00:48:06,516 --> 00:48:07,649 Do you have a girlfriend? 1089 00:48:07,651 --> 00:48:09,484 I don't. 1090 00:48:09,486 --> 00:48:12,254 I did for a couple of years. But it's hard, you know, 1091 00:48:12,256 --> 00:48:14,289 with all the road work and everything. 1092 00:48:14,291 --> 00:48:16,057 - I don't know how you do it. - Dude, you know what? 1093 00:48:16,059 --> 00:48:17,592 There's this girl in my acting class called Hanna. 1094 00:48:17,594 --> 00:48:19,127 You would love her, I should introduce you. 1095 00:48:19,129 --> 00:48:20,595 Sure. 1096 00:48:20,597 --> 00:48:22,163 - How about I do it right now? - No. 1097 00:48:22,165 --> 00:48:23,632 No, no, I'm gonna ask her to come down. 1098 00:48:23,634 --> 00:48:25,133 I'm not even dressed up. Yeah, you look right. 1099 00:48:25,135 --> 00:48:26,635 What are you worried about? Come on. 1100 00:48:26,637 --> 00:48:28,036 I'm wearing a Jersey. Okay. I... it's ringing. 1101 00:48:28,038 --> 00:48:30,038 It doesn't matter. Come on. 1102 00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:31,539 Hi, Hanna. 1103 00:48:31,541 --> 00:48:34,109 What are you up to tonight? 1104 00:48:34,111 --> 00:48:35,944 Great. Well, why don't you come 1105 00:48:35,946 --> 00:48:37,586 down at stupid Joe's and meet my friend? 1106 00:48:39,548 --> 00:48:43,084 Uh, I would say he's in his 40s, 1107 00:48:43,086 --> 00:48:44,586 40-ish. 1108 00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:47,422 Uh, blonde type hair. 1109 00:48:49,158 --> 00:48:51,126 Uh, comedian. 1110 00:48:51,128 --> 00:48:52,294 - But he does music. - And he also does music 1111 00:48:52,296 --> 00:48:53,962 as well. He's... 1112 00:48:53,964 --> 00:48:55,030 Well, half comedian, half musician. 1113 00:48:55,032 --> 00:48:57,265 So, he does both. 1114 00:48:57,267 --> 00:48:58,700 Oh. 1115 00:49:01,003 --> 00:49:03,004 Okay. All right then. 1116 00:49:03,006 --> 00:49:04,572 Well, feel better. 1117 00:49:04,574 --> 00:49:06,041 Okay. Bye-bye. 1118 00:49:07,577 --> 00:49:09,144 Yeah. She's not feeling good. 1119 00:49:09,146 --> 00:49:11,947 Let's not do that again. 1120 00:49:24,961 --> 00:49:28,029 Guys, I'm gonna go to the, um, 1121 00:49:28,031 --> 00:49:29,397 just go to the bar. Yeah. 1122 00:49:29,399 --> 00:49:31,666 Come on, man. 1123 00:49:38,975 --> 00:49:41,443 Hey, can I, uh, get one more? 1124 00:49:41,445 --> 00:49:43,378 Yeah. 1125 00:49:45,014 --> 00:49:46,247 Thanks. For you. 1126 00:49:46,249 --> 00:49:49,217 Thank you. 1127 00:49:49,219 --> 00:49:51,453 So, are you from la originally or? 1128 00:49:51,455 --> 00:49:54,389 No, I'm from Iowa actually. 1129 00:49:54,391 --> 00:49:56,257 Oh, what part of Iowa? 1130 00:49:56,259 --> 00:49:57,392 It's a small town. 1131 00:49:57,394 --> 00:49:58,727 You've never heard of it. 1132 00:49:58,729 --> 00:50:00,228 Try me. 1133 00:50:00,230 --> 00:50:02,197 Okay. Burlington. 1134 00:50:02,199 --> 00:50:03,999 Burlington. Yeah. Right by the river there, 1135 00:50:04,001 --> 00:50:05,300 south of Bettendorf and all of that. 1136 00:50:05,302 --> 00:50:06,735 Yeah. Yeah, sure. 1137 00:50:06,737 --> 00:50:08,536 Have you heard of chopper's billiards there? 1138 00:50:08,538 --> 00:50:10,638 Yeah. I worked there in high school. 1139 00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:12,140 Oh, weird. 1140 00:50:12,142 --> 00:50:14,009 Wow. How do you know Burlington? 1141 00:50:14,011 --> 00:50:15,377 I travel for a living. 1142 00:50:15,379 --> 00:50:17,345 Okay. 1143 00:50:18,314 --> 00:50:20,648 So, are you single or, uh... 1144 00:50:20,650 --> 00:50:23,385 I am. Yeah, uh, just recently actually. 1145 00:50:23,387 --> 00:50:25,687 - Just recently? Okay. - Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. 1146 00:50:25,689 --> 00:50:28,490 Seeing this guy and I just... I had to break things off. 1147 00:50:28,492 --> 00:50:30,425 Oh, why is that? 1148 00:50:30,427 --> 00:50:32,093 He traveled for a living. 1149 00:50:32,095 --> 00:50:33,762 Oh. 1150 00:50:33,764 --> 00:50:35,730 You know, we're closing in like 10 minute, so... 1151 00:50:35,732 --> 00:50:37,399 Okay. If you could just finish up. 1152 00:50:37,401 --> 00:50:40,101 Thank you. No problem. 1153 00:50:40,103 --> 00:50:42,203 Hey, guys. 1154 00:51:00,189 --> 00:51:02,690 Hey, Jillian. 1155 00:51:02,692 --> 00:51:05,226 Um, I wanted to call and say that, uh, 1156 00:51:05,228 --> 00:51:06,461 I was thinking about what you guys 1157 00:51:06,463 --> 00:51:08,329 were saying earlier. 1158 00:51:08,331 --> 00:51:10,131 And, um, 1159 00:51:10,133 --> 00:51:12,500 I've always wanted to be there for you, 1160 00:51:12,502 --> 00:51:14,536 and I know what you're going through, 1161 00:51:14,538 --> 00:51:17,472 and I just have thought about it, 1162 00:51:17,474 --> 00:51:20,442 and I wanted to say that, um, 1163 00:51:20,444 --> 00:51:22,077 I'll do it. 1164 00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:24,412 Uh, I'll have sex with Zoe. 1165 00:51:27,416 --> 00:51:30,485 I mean, tonight. 1166 00:51:30,487 --> 00:51:32,754 Owls can rotate their heads and necks 1167 00:51:32,756 --> 00:51:36,458 as much as 270 degrees. 1168 00:51:36,460 --> 00:51:39,461 So, I just wanna be a hundred percent certain 1169 00:51:39,463 --> 00:51:42,097 that you guys are totally fine with this. 1170 00:51:42,099 --> 00:51:43,531 Yeah, yeah. Okay. 1171 00:51:43,533 --> 00:51:45,266 And she's fine with it? Yup, yeah. 1172 00:51:45,268 --> 00:51:46,334 Okay. That's fine, it's fine. 1173 00:51:46,336 --> 00:51:48,169 All right. 1174 00:51:48,171 --> 00:51:49,370 Okay? Okay. 1175 00:51:49,372 --> 00:51:50,672 Okay. Great. Yeah, let's... 1176 00:51:50,674 --> 00:51:51,739 Let's have sex. 1177 00:51:51,741 --> 00:51:54,175 Yeah. 1178 00:51:58,114 --> 00:51:59,547 Here. Um, oh, yeah. 1179 00:51:59,549 --> 00:52:02,183 Let me. 1180 00:52:06,155 --> 00:52:07,622 Okay. 1181 00:52:07,624 --> 00:52:10,492 Um... 1182 00:52:11,694 --> 00:52:14,129 This. Yeah. 1183 00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,630 Okay. 1184 00:52:15,632 --> 00:52:17,365 All right. Okay. 1185 00:52:17,367 --> 00:52:19,134 Is this fine? Okay. Yeah, yeah. 1186 00:52:19,136 --> 00:52:22,137 And do you want me to do anything or. 1187 00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:24,372 Uh, just... it's fine. Whatever. 1188 00:52:24,374 --> 00:52:26,508 Okay. 1189 00:52:31,413 --> 00:52:33,314 And thanks again. 1190 00:52:33,316 --> 00:52:35,783 Oh, yeah, no problem. 1191 00:52:37,653 --> 00:52:41,222 Unite in a very large anastomosis or junction. 1192 00:52:42,758 --> 00:52:43,892 Okay. I think it's. 1193 00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:45,827 Yeah? Okay. Yeah. 1194 00:52:45,829 --> 00:52:48,396 I think it's ready. 1195 00:52:48,398 --> 00:52:50,365 Great. 1196 00:52:57,339 --> 00:52:59,240 - Oh. - Oh. 1197 00:52:59,242 --> 00:53:01,242 - Oh, no. - Are you okay? 1198 00:53:01,244 --> 00:53:03,211 Shit. 1199 00:53:03,213 --> 00:53:05,914 I'm sorry. I, um, 1200 00:53:05,916 --> 00:53:07,215 I might have fucked up. 1201 00:53:07,217 --> 00:53:08,449 What just happened? 1202 00:53:08,451 --> 00:53:10,418 I, uh... 1203 00:53:11,453 --> 00:53:14,389 What? Um, I pulled out. 1204 00:53:14,391 --> 00:53:15,924 Are you serious? 1205 00:53:15,926 --> 00:53:17,525 Yeah, I think it was, like, 1206 00:53:17,527 --> 00:53:19,294 an instinctive thing. Oh, my god. 1207 00:53:19,296 --> 00:53:22,230 I'm sorry. Unbelievable. 1208 00:53:22,232 --> 00:53:23,498 What's going on in here? 1209 00:53:23,500 --> 00:53:26,234 Um, it's just, uh. 1210 00:53:26,236 --> 00:53:27,569 He pulled out. 1211 00:53:27,571 --> 00:53:28,703 What does that even mean? 1212 00:53:28,705 --> 00:53:30,305 He pulled it out. 1213 00:53:30,307 --> 00:53:31,839 Well, can't you just put it back in? 1214 00:53:31,841 --> 00:53:33,508 I... uh, it's too late. 1215 00:53:33,510 --> 00:53:34,976 Too late for what? 1216 00:53:34,978 --> 00:53:36,711 Are we on a time crunch or something? 1217 00:53:36,713 --> 00:53:38,513 - We basically just had sex. - So awful. 1218 00:53:38,515 --> 00:53:40,348 Like it was a complete waste. 1219 00:53:40,350 --> 00:53:42,317 Jerk. I'm so sorry. 1220 00:53:42,319 --> 00:53:45,587 I just... maybe I'm just used to doing that or something. 1221 00:53:45,589 --> 00:53:47,455 I guess, I just wasn't thinking, 1222 00:53:47,457 --> 00:53:48,990 um, but I mean, 1223 00:53:48,992 --> 00:53:50,825 I could try it again like in the morning. 1224 00:53:50,827 --> 00:53:52,894 No, we're not trying this again in the morning. 1225 00:53:52,896 --> 00:53:53,962 Well. 1226 00:53:53,964 --> 00:53:55,897 Gross. 1227 00:54:12,916 --> 00:54:14,515 You're listening to Sharon Levine 1228 00:54:14,517 --> 00:54:16,017 and you're listening to mouth fuck 1229 00:54:16,019 --> 00:54:18,953 and I am here with comedian, Henry Phillips. 1230 00:54:18,955 --> 00:54:21,823 Henry, you are, um, 1231 00:54:21,825 --> 00:54:23,324 in this area why? 1232 00:54:23,326 --> 00:54:24,692 Why are you up? 1233 00:54:24,694 --> 00:54:25,860 I'm doing a little bit of a tour, 1234 00:54:25,862 --> 00:54:27,662 a mini tour if you will. 1235 00:54:27,664 --> 00:54:28,896 As a matter of fact, actually tomorrow, 1236 00:54:28,898 --> 00:54:30,598 I'm gonna be in northern Nevada 1237 00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,734 at a place called the nugget. 1238 00:54:32,736 --> 00:54:34,636 It's in, uh, Carson city. 1239 00:54:34,638 --> 00:54:37,572 Check out Henry Phillips tomorrow 1240 00:54:37,574 --> 00:54:38,906 at the golden nugget and I love... 1241 00:54:38,908 --> 00:54:41,509 No, it's, uh, just the nugget. 1242 00:54:41,511 --> 00:54:42,710 I guess, it's like the golden nugget, 1243 00:54:42,712 --> 00:54:44,545 but without all the glitz. 1244 00:54:44,547 --> 00:54:45,980 It's a place called the nugget that's not a part 1245 00:54:45,982 --> 00:54:47,815 yeah. Of the golden nugget? 1246 00:54:47,817 --> 00:54:49,651 I don't think it's even remotely related. 1247 00:54:49,653 --> 00:54:51,052 I think it's just this place. 1248 00:54:51,054 --> 00:54:52,654 I don't know. My manager set it up 1249 00:54:52,656 --> 00:54:56,524 and she is my manager extraordinaire. 1250 00:54:56,526 --> 00:54:59,761 It's pretty typical of a lot of the gigs that I do. 1251 00:54:59,763 --> 00:55:02,797 Like, uh, instead of the Madison square garden, 1252 00:55:02,799 --> 00:55:04,999 I play at a place called the square garden. 1253 00:55:14,843 --> 00:55:16,744 Hi. I'm performing tonight. 1254 00:55:16,746 --> 00:55:18,946 Um, do the performers get a discount 1255 00:55:18,948 --> 00:55:20,515 on drinks by any chance? 1256 00:55:20,517 --> 00:55:21,683 Hey, Jack. It's another comedian 1257 00:55:21,685 --> 00:55:23,451 trying to mooch free drinks. 1258 00:55:23,453 --> 00:55:25,553 Well, no, I was, uh... No free drinks, buddy. 1259 00:55:25,555 --> 00:55:26,854 But you can get a discount. 1260 00:55:26,856 --> 00:55:28,489 That's all right. 1261 00:55:28,491 --> 00:55:29,991 Well, I'll take a Heineken then... thanks. 1262 00:55:29,993 --> 00:55:31,059 Got it. Also, who do I talk to 1263 00:55:31,061 --> 00:55:32,627 about sound check? 1264 00:55:32,629 --> 00:55:34,896 Go talk to ed right over there. 1265 00:55:36,999 --> 00:55:39,634 Hey, how's it going, ed? Yes, sir. 1266 00:55:39,636 --> 00:55:42,503 Yeah, I just need to plug in a guitar. 1267 00:55:42,505 --> 00:55:44,839 No. We don't have a guitar here. 1268 00:55:44,841 --> 00:55:46,607 Oh, no. I've got my own guitar. 1269 00:55:46,609 --> 00:55:48,343 I just need a place where I can plug it in. 1270 00:55:48,345 --> 00:55:49,544 Do you have, like, a quarter inch input on 1271 00:55:49,546 --> 00:55:50,812 the stage somewhere or, uh... 1272 00:55:50,814 --> 00:55:53,848 No. No, we're not set up that way. 1273 00:55:53,850 --> 00:55:55,683 Well, what do people do when they need to plug in 1274 00:55:55,685 --> 00:55:57,752 their instruments when they're doing music here? 1275 00:55:57,754 --> 00:56:00,755 The musicians come with their own equipment. 1276 00:56:00,757 --> 00:56:02,357 You're a stand-up comedian though, right? 1277 00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:03,825 Yeah. Just do it 1278 00:56:03,827 --> 00:56:05,927 without the guitar then. 1279 00:56:05,929 --> 00:56:07,595 I can't do it without the guitar. 1280 00:56:07,597 --> 00:56:09,464 I sing songs and I play the guitar. 1281 00:56:09,466 --> 00:56:10,998 That's my whole act. And you're coming to me 1282 00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:12,533 two hours before the show 1283 00:56:12,535 --> 00:56:15,370 with technical issues? 1284 00:56:15,372 --> 00:56:17,772 I could get another mic, but I've only got one 1285 00:56:17,774 --> 00:56:20,475 long cord and the console 1286 00:56:20,477 --> 00:56:23,444 is way up there and, I mean, 1287 00:56:23,446 --> 00:56:25,546 we only have two hours. 1288 00:56:25,548 --> 00:56:27,849 Well, we got to figure something out, man. 1289 00:56:27,851 --> 00:56:30,485 All right. 1290 00:56:30,487 --> 00:56:32,487 Look, you fucked up. 1291 00:56:32,489 --> 00:56:34,021 Um, I think I got an idea though. 1292 00:56:34,023 --> 00:56:36,491 Here, come here. 1293 00:56:37,493 --> 00:56:39,060 All right. 1294 00:56:39,062 --> 00:56:42,630 Here's what I'm gonna have you go ahead and do. 1295 00:56:42,632 --> 00:56:45,400 You find the end of that cable. 1296 00:56:45,402 --> 00:56:48,136 I will find the end of this cable. 1297 00:56:48,138 --> 00:56:50,738 If I hook them together, 1298 00:56:50,740 --> 00:56:53,941 we will end up with one cable 1299 00:56:53,943 --> 00:56:55,410 that is long enough 1300 00:56:55,412 --> 00:56:57,612 to reach the... 1301 00:56:57,614 --> 00:56:59,480 Console. 1302 00:56:59,482 --> 00:57:00,915 Dammit. 1303 00:57:02,652 --> 00:57:04,652 Hey, you guys having a good time tonight? 1304 00:57:04,654 --> 00:57:06,854 Sorry. We have a little bit of a technical issue. 1305 00:57:06,856 --> 00:57:09,590 That's why I have to kind of... 1306 00:57:09,592 --> 00:57:11,058 Anyway, this is a song for my dog 1307 00:57:11,060 --> 00:57:12,994 and, uh, I hope you enjoy it. 1308 00:58:15,625 --> 00:58:16,757 And this is gonna be your part, guys. 1309 00:58:16,759 --> 00:58:18,192 You're gonna go... 1310 00:58:20,597 --> 00:58:22,530 Let's try that. Three, four... 1311 00:58:25,668 --> 00:58:27,602 It's creepy as he'll, but I like it. 1312 00:58:55,131 --> 00:58:57,031 Three, four. 1313 00:59:10,178 --> 00:59:11,279 I'm good, man. Thanks. 1314 00:59:11,281 --> 00:59:12,680 Take it, man. 1315 00:59:12,682 --> 00:59:14,115 I'll save it for later. 1316 00:59:14,117 --> 00:59:16,017 Okay. You guys giving me a... 1317 00:59:16,019 --> 00:59:18,553 Well, you're crazy. 1318 00:59:20,890 --> 00:59:22,790 Oh, this is... ah. 1319 00:59:22,792 --> 00:59:24,292 Is this lit? 1320 00:59:24,294 --> 00:59:27,295 God, it's... 1321 00:59:40,909 --> 00:59:42,743 Hello. How may I help you? Hi, there. 1322 00:59:42,745 --> 00:59:44,211 Uh, it's Henry Phillips. 1323 00:59:44,213 --> 00:59:46,213 Okay. 1324 00:59:50,152 --> 00:59:53,154 Um, okay. 1325 00:59:53,156 --> 00:59:55,823 I'm not finding that reservation. 1326 00:59:55,825 --> 00:59:57,291 Of course, you're not. 1327 00:59:57,293 --> 01:00:00,227 Um, let's see, you're sure... It's two ls? 1328 01:00:00,229 --> 01:00:02,229 Yeah. Okay. 1329 01:00:02,231 --> 01:00:04,699 Let's check again. 1330 01:00:04,701 --> 01:00:06,767 I'm the entertainment tonight at the fantasy lounge, 1331 01:00:06,769 --> 01:00:09,804 so maybe they put it under fantasy lounge? 1332 01:00:09,806 --> 01:00:10,871 Okay. 1333 01:00:10,873 --> 01:00:13,941 Um, yeah, well, 1334 01:00:13,943 --> 01:00:15,309 we do have a room that's under 1335 01:00:15,311 --> 01:00:18,112 the fantasy lounge, but, um, 1336 01:00:18,114 --> 01:00:21,782 it's under someone named funny guitar boy. 1337 01:00:21,784 --> 01:00:23,684 Okay. Yeah. 1338 01:00:23,686 --> 01:00:25,086 I'll take a wild stab at it 1339 01:00:25,088 --> 01:00:26,787 and say they're talking about me. 1340 01:00:26,789 --> 01:00:29,890 So, I'm sorry. I have to perform at 8:00, 1341 01:00:29,892 --> 01:00:31,959 and I need to take a nap, 1342 01:00:31,961 --> 01:00:34,362 and shower, and stuff, so if you don't mind, 1343 01:00:34,364 --> 01:00:36,964 I'd like to get checked in. 1344 01:00:36,966 --> 01:00:39,300 Okay. Okay. So, you're funny guitar boy. 1345 01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,268 Usually, you need to have your full... 1346 01:00:41,270 --> 01:00:44,005 I know. Name, but that's okay. 1347 01:01:05,293 --> 01:01:07,662 So, how many hits on that video? 1348 01:01:07,664 --> 01:01:09,130 Just over 11,000 views. 1349 01:01:09,132 --> 01:01:11,165 Wow. That's great. 1350 01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:13,901 Well, actually, we were hoping for it to do a little better. 1351 01:01:13,903 --> 01:01:15,403 We tried everything. We growled it out 1352 01:01:15,405 --> 01:01:17,171 to our hundred thousand friendlings. 1353 01:01:17,173 --> 01:01:19,674 We had it featured on the front page of chumpster 1354 01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:21,742 and the appreciate to connect to share ratio 1355 01:01:21,744 --> 01:01:24,145 is nowhere near what we had for even the outtakes 1356 01:01:24,147 --> 01:01:25,346 on an idiot dad. 1357 01:01:25,348 --> 01:01:27,048 Yeah, but aren't people buying 1358 01:01:27,050 --> 01:01:28,382 their friendlings on chumpster nowadays? 1359 01:01:28,384 --> 01:01:29,850 Oh, yeah. 1360 01:01:29,852 --> 01:01:30,818 We've already accounted for that. 1361 01:01:30,820 --> 01:01:31,986 Yeah, listen. 1362 01:01:31,988 --> 01:01:33,421 Here are your friendlings here. 1363 01:01:33,423 --> 01:01:35,056 Now, for every hundred of these, 1364 01:01:35,058 --> 01:01:36,857 30 are verified. That's good. 1365 01:01:36,859 --> 01:01:39,326 Now 28, ironic, that's not good. 1366 01:01:39,328 --> 01:01:40,961 Forty are us. 1367 01:01:40,963 --> 01:01:42,763 That looks good, that's not good. 1368 01:01:42,765 --> 01:01:44,031 Well, why don't we have a big show 1369 01:01:44,033 --> 01:01:45,266 and invite these people? 1370 01:01:45,268 --> 01:01:46,734 Well, unfortunately, Ellen, 1371 01:01:46,736 --> 01:01:49,036 these are not actual human beings, 1372 01:01:49,038 --> 01:01:50,771 you know, who will like go places. 1373 01:01:50,773 --> 01:01:53,774 They're just computer clicks. 1374 01:01:58,213 --> 01:01:59,880 Hi. Hi. 1375 01:01:59,882 --> 01:02:01,282 I should have a reservation. 1376 01:02:01,284 --> 01:02:02,783 Okay. What's the name? 1377 01:02:02,785 --> 01:02:05,419 Funny guitar boy. 1378 01:02:05,421 --> 01:02:07,321 So, what'd they say? 1379 01:02:07,323 --> 01:02:09,824 Well, it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. 1380 01:02:09,826 --> 01:02:12,193 I mean, it's all about Internet numbers. 1381 01:02:12,195 --> 01:02:14,729 You had 11,000 people watching your song, 1382 01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:17,264 but that wasn't enough for Mara and her whiz kids. 1383 01:02:17,266 --> 01:02:19,233 Yeah, I kind of figured as much. 1384 01:02:19,235 --> 01:02:21,368 I mean, 11,000 people, Henry. 1385 01:02:21,370 --> 01:02:23,270 I mean, you could fill a stadium. 1386 01:02:23,272 --> 01:02:24,905 Yeah. But it's all relative, I mean, 1387 01:02:24,907 --> 01:02:26,807 - they need a viral hit. - Exactly. 1388 01:02:26,809 --> 01:02:28,409 That's all they talked about, friendlings, 1389 01:02:28,411 --> 01:02:29,877 and connect to favorites, 1390 01:02:29,879 --> 01:02:32,079 and buddies, and pals. I mean, 1391 01:02:32,081 --> 01:02:33,881 Jay had to translate the whole thing for me. 1392 01:02:35,184 --> 01:02:36,984 Hold on. I'm gonna have to call you back. 1393 01:02:36,986 --> 01:02:39,386 There's somebody at my door. 1394 01:02:39,388 --> 01:02:40,821 Yeah. 1395 01:02:40,823 --> 01:02:43,157 Um, we have a problem. 1396 01:02:43,159 --> 01:02:45,993 This gentleman is supposed to be in this room 1397 01:02:45,995 --> 01:02:47,995 and we don't have a reservation for you, 1398 01:02:47,997 --> 01:02:49,997 so I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 1399 01:02:49,999 --> 01:02:51,332 Who is this? 1400 01:02:51,334 --> 01:02:53,534 I'm funny guitar boy. 1401 01:02:53,536 --> 01:02:55,369 Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. 1402 01:02:55,371 --> 01:02:57,972 You guys have been amazing. Please follow me on Twitter 1403 01:02:57,974 --> 01:02:59,874 and vine and friendling me on chumster. 1404 01:02:59,876 --> 01:03:02,343 Also, I have bumper stickers out back that say, 1405 01:03:02,345 --> 01:03:04,178 "my penis." Now, I wanna introduce 1406 01:03:04,180 --> 01:03:05,980 my new friend. 1407 01:03:05,982 --> 01:03:08,315 Feels like an old friend, Mr. Henry Phillips. 1408 01:03:10,019 --> 01:03:12,353 - Thanks. - It's all right, man. 1409 01:03:12,355 --> 01:03:15,022 Hey, thanks, everybody. 1410 01:03:15,024 --> 01:03:16,957 And give it up again for funny guitar boy. 1411 01:03:16,959 --> 01:03:19,827 He was hilarious. 1412 01:03:19,829 --> 01:03:22,029 And a nice guy, too. He's letting me crash 1413 01:03:22,031 --> 01:03:23,964 to his hotel room tonight 1414 01:03:23,966 --> 01:03:26,333 because apparently my manager smokes crack. 1415 01:03:28,004 --> 01:03:29,837 Oh, I'm supposed to tell you guys this 1416 01:03:29,839 --> 01:03:32,273 from the management here at the fantasy lounge, 1417 01:03:32,275 --> 01:03:34,542 this is not actually a show. 1418 01:03:34,544 --> 01:03:37,178 Um, it's just that everybody has died 1419 01:03:37,180 --> 01:03:39,346 and gone to hell. 1420 01:03:39,348 --> 01:03:41,115 Sorry about that. 1421 01:03:41,117 --> 01:03:42,283 But anyway, this is a song about growing up. 1422 01:03:42,285 --> 01:03:44,885 And I hope you enjoy it. 1423 01:04:35,438 --> 01:04:37,204 Hey, man, I'm really excited 1424 01:04:37,206 --> 01:04:38,272 that we get to do the show together. 1425 01:04:38,274 --> 01:04:39,473 I, uh, 1426 01:04:39,475 --> 01:04:40,941 I'm a big fan back in college. 1427 01:04:40,943 --> 01:04:42,309 My buddy, he burned your Cd for me 1428 01:04:42,311 --> 01:04:44,945 and it was inspiring for me. 1429 01:04:46,181 --> 01:04:47,581 Thanks, man. Yeah, I think 1430 01:04:47,583 --> 01:04:49,350 they're gonna have you back here. 1431 01:04:49,352 --> 01:04:50,985 You had a really good set. 1432 01:04:50,987 --> 01:04:52,152 Well, you know, 1433 01:04:52,154 --> 01:04:53,487 I mean, this isn't, 1434 01:04:53,489 --> 01:04:55,189 you know, really what I wanna be doing 1435 01:04:55,191 --> 01:04:56,924 exactly, you know? 1436 01:04:56,926 --> 01:04:58,325 What do you wanna be doing? 1437 01:04:58,327 --> 01:05:00,227 Michael, by the time I'm 30, 1438 01:05:00,229 --> 01:05:02,496 I wanna be headlining a clubs only. 1439 01:05:02,498 --> 01:05:04,164 You know what I mean? Big cities. 1440 01:05:04,166 --> 01:05:06,367 New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Orlando. 1441 01:05:06,369 --> 01:05:08,402 By the time I'm 35, 1442 01:05:08,404 --> 01:05:11,005 hell, man, I'll be doing theaters, TV show. 1443 01:05:11,007 --> 01:05:12,973 Well, it sounds like you got it all mapped out. 1444 01:05:12,975 --> 01:05:14,141 Oh, I tell you, you got to do it. 1445 01:05:14,143 --> 01:05:15,542 In this business, oh my god, 1446 01:05:15,544 --> 01:05:17,044 set goals, achieve the goals. 1447 01:05:17,046 --> 01:05:18,979 So many people just drift. 1448 01:05:18,981 --> 01:05:20,514 They just 1449 01:05:20,516 --> 01:05:22,316 drift off into nothing. 1450 01:05:22,318 --> 01:05:24,318 I'll tell you one thing, I don't wanna be in my 40s 1451 01:05:24,320 --> 01:05:25,986 paying shitty rooms like this for a hundred bucks a night. 1452 01:05:25,988 --> 01:05:28,589 You know what I'm saying? 1453 01:05:28,591 --> 01:05:31,091 Yeah. 1454 01:05:36,632 --> 01:05:39,199 Gray. 1455 01:05:41,671 --> 01:05:43,570 Haven. 1456 01:05:47,576 --> 01:05:49,944 Gray. 1457 01:05:53,982 --> 01:05:56,550 Haven. 1458 01:05:58,354 --> 01:06:01,088 Gray. 1459 01:06:02,425 --> 01:06:03,724 Front desk, this is Danielle. 1460 01:06:03,726 --> 01:06:05,392 Yeah, um, 1461 01:06:05,394 --> 01:06:06,994 there's somebody making all kinds of racket 1462 01:06:06,996 --> 01:06:08,495 in the hallway right now. 1463 01:06:08,497 --> 01:06:09,630 - Haven. - Oh, I'm sorry 1464 01:06:09,632 --> 01:06:10,998 about that, sir. 1465 01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:12,433 Um, what are they doing? 1466 01:06:12,435 --> 01:06:15,569 Uh, just like, uh, 1467 01:06:15,571 --> 01:06:17,204 just yelling, and screaming, 1468 01:06:17,206 --> 01:06:19,073 and banging on the walls and shit. 1469 01:06:19,075 --> 01:06:20,441 What are they yelling? 1470 01:06:20,443 --> 01:06:21,508 Um, 1471 01:06:21,510 --> 01:06:23,143 gray haven 1472 01:06:23,145 --> 01:06:24,611 or something. What? 1473 01:06:24,613 --> 01:06:27,448 Uh, sounds like they're saying gray haven. 1474 01:06:27,450 --> 01:06:28,983 She's saying, uh... 1475 01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:30,284 Could spell that? 1476 01:06:30,286 --> 01:06:32,553 H-I... h-a-v... I don't know. 1477 01:06:32,555 --> 01:06:34,021 Who cares how you spell it? Can you... 1478 01:06:34,023 --> 01:06:35,422 Is there a way you can make them 1479 01:06:35,424 --> 01:06:36,623 stop doing it? Yeah. Oh, you know what, 1480 01:06:36,625 --> 01:06:37,558 could you hold on one second? 1481 01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:39,693 I'm so sorry. 1482 01:06:39,695 --> 01:06:42,363 - Front desk, this is Danielle. - Yeah, it's still me. 1483 01:06:42,365 --> 01:06:44,098 I'm so sorry. Hold on one second. 1484 01:06:44,100 --> 01:06:45,299 Front desk, this is Danielle. 1485 01:06:45,301 --> 01:06:46,367 Still me. 1486 01:06:46,369 --> 01:06:47,434 Haven. 1487 01:06:47,436 --> 01:06:49,703 Lady, shut the fuck up. 1488 01:06:51,573 --> 01:06:53,707 You know what, I can send somebody up there 1489 01:06:53,709 --> 01:06:55,376 and see if they can do... Uh, you know what, 1490 01:06:55,378 --> 01:06:56,677 actually, I think it's been taken care of. 1491 01:06:56,679 --> 01:06:58,212 Well, I'm very sorry 1492 01:06:58,214 --> 01:07:00,214 for the inconvenience. 1493 01:07:01,249 --> 01:07:03,117 Thanks, man. 1494 01:07:07,155 --> 01:07:09,390 Matt, Matt. 1495 01:07:09,392 --> 01:07:11,191 Come here, look at this. 1496 01:07:12,527 --> 01:07:13,660 Awesome. 1497 01:07:13,662 --> 01:07:15,262 Oh, you're crazy. 1498 01:07:15,264 --> 01:07:17,431 Uh, uh, got it. 1499 01:07:17,433 --> 01:07:18,499 This is lit. 1500 01:07:18,501 --> 01:07:19,600 Oh, shit. 1501 01:07:37,252 --> 01:07:39,119 Hey. Hey, how's it going? 1502 01:07:40,655 --> 01:07:42,256 Can I get a cup of coffee 1503 01:07:42,258 --> 01:07:43,390 to go, please? 1504 01:07:43,392 --> 01:07:45,259 Right on. 1505 01:07:49,831 --> 01:07:51,732 Hey, uh, 1506 01:07:51,734 --> 01:07:53,834 you have a video on the Internet right now. 1507 01:07:53,836 --> 01:07:55,536 I actually do, yeah. 1508 01:07:55,538 --> 01:07:57,371 - I knew that was you. - Really? 1509 01:07:57,373 --> 01:07:58,772 Oh, it was so funny. 1510 01:07:58,774 --> 01:08:00,374 - You've seen it? - Yeah, I've seen it 1511 01:08:00,376 --> 01:08:01,642 - over and over. - Uh, I've seen 1512 01:08:01,644 --> 01:08:03,143 your video, too. 1513 01:08:03,145 --> 01:08:04,645 I showed it to everybody. 1514 01:08:04,647 --> 01:08:06,113 Well, that's great. Well, what do I owe you 1515 01:08:06,115 --> 01:08:08,382 for the, uh... Oh, um, have it. 1516 01:08:08,384 --> 01:08:10,117 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 1517 01:08:10,119 --> 01:08:11,385 - Okay. - Uh, 1518 01:08:11,387 --> 01:08:12,519 be careful with that. 1519 01:08:16,458 --> 01:08:18,392 I was, uh, talking about how... 1520 01:08:18,394 --> 01:08:20,160 You were talking about the beauty of what you do. 1521 01:08:20,162 --> 01:08:22,763 Yeah, yeah, and just how amazing it is 1522 01:08:22,765 --> 01:08:26,366 that I can make so many people 1523 01:08:26,368 --> 01:08:28,469 so happy, you know? 1524 01:08:28,471 --> 01:08:30,537 It's just... But it's true. 1525 01:08:39,447 --> 01:08:41,115 Ow. 1526 01:08:46,554 --> 01:08:47,654 Front desk. 1527 01:08:47,656 --> 01:08:49,490 Hello. Yeah, I'm sorry. 1528 01:08:49,492 --> 01:08:52,259 I'm having a problem with flies in my room. 1529 01:08:52,261 --> 01:08:53,527 You have what problem? 1530 01:08:53,529 --> 01:08:54,895 Like, flies. 1531 01:08:54,897 --> 01:08:56,530 There's a whole infestation of them. 1532 01:08:56,532 --> 01:08:58,232 They're buzzing around and shit. 1533 01:08:58,234 --> 01:08:59,600 Flies, flies in room? 1534 01:08:59,602 --> 01:09:01,435 Yeah. Can we do something? 1535 01:09:01,437 --> 01:09:02,736 What room number? 1536 01:09:02,738 --> 01:09:04,805 - 125. - I send someone. 1537 01:09:04,807 --> 01:09:07,641 He take care of it. Thank you. 1538 01:09:17,452 --> 01:09:19,820 Today, 10:02 am. 1539 01:09:19,822 --> 01:09:22,756 Henry, I have your check from the network. 1540 01:09:22,758 --> 01:09:25,559 They took out a lot of taxes, but still. 1541 01:09:25,561 --> 01:09:27,561 Anyway, come by my place anytime 1542 01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:28,629 and bring your checkbook. 1543 01:09:28,631 --> 01:09:31,398 I want my cut in this. 1544 01:09:31,400 --> 01:09:33,467 Today, 10:26 am. 1545 01:09:33,469 --> 01:09:34,735 Good morning, Mr. Phillips, 1546 01:09:34,737 --> 01:09:36,637 detective Delgado here. 1547 01:09:36,639 --> 01:09:39,673 Well, good news, we found your 2006 Forenza. 1548 01:09:39,675 --> 01:09:40,874 It was not stolen. 1549 01:09:40,876 --> 01:09:41,942 It looks like the vehicle 1550 01:09:41,944 --> 01:09:43,377 was actually towed 1551 01:09:43,379 --> 01:09:46,246 for obstructing a driveway. 1552 01:09:46,248 --> 01:09:47,781 It's gonna be a hundred and seven dollars 1553 01:09:47,783 --> 01:09:49,683 for the towing, plus an additional 1554 01:09:49,685 --> 01:09:52,286 one hundred dollars for each day in storage. 1555 01:09:52,288 --> 01:09:55,189 Have a nice day. Congratulations. 1556 01:09:55,191 --> 01:09:57,191 Message saved. 1557 01:10:03,432 --> 01:10:05,265 This is Delgado. 1558 01:10:05,267 --> 01:10:06,800 Yeah. It's Henry Phillips calling about my car. 1559 01:10:06,802 --> 01:10:08,535 Yes, Mr. Phillips, 1560 01:10:08,537 --> 01:10:10,370 2006 Forenza. 1561 01:10:10,372 --> 01:10:11,505 You can pick up your vehicle 1562 01:10:11,507 --> 01:10:13,840 at 2309 west temple. 1563 01:10:13,842 --> 01:10:16,577 Okay. Well, but what I was thinking is, like, 1564 01:10:16,579 --> 01:10:19,746 I shouldn't have to pay the $2,000 fee if, uh, 1565 01:10:19,748 --> 01:10:21,682 it's technically not my fault, right? 1566 01:10:21,684 --> 01:10:23,417 It's not your fault you obstructed 1567 01:10:23,419 --> 01:10:26,220 - someone else's driveway? - Well, 1568 01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:28,522 no, I'm not denying that part. I'll take your word for it. 1569 01:10:28,524 --> 01:10:29,790 But that's beside the point. 1570 01:10:29,792 --> 01:10:30,924 Uh-huh. 1571 01:10:30,926 --> 01:10:32,226 Nobody ever told me 1572 01:10:32,228 --> 01:10:33,961 that my car was stolen. 1573 01:10:33,963 --> 01:10:35,929 Hold on a second. What is this shit? 1574 01:10:41,469 --> 01:10:42,769 Yeah. Thanks. 1575 01:10:44,606 --> 01:10:45,672 You know what I mean? It's, like, 1576 01:10:45,674 --> 01:10:47,507 if somebody had told me 1577 01:10:47,509 --> 01:10:49,309 that my car was impounded, 1578 01:10:49,311 --> 01:10:50,978 then I would have picked it up that day, you know? 1579 01:10:50,980 --> 01:10:52,246 Okay. 1580 01:10:52,248 --> 01:10:53,614 I mean, you can fight it 1581 01:10:53,616 --> 01:10:54,948 with the adjudicator. 1582 01:10:54,950 --> 01:10:56,516 But I wouldn't recommend it 1583 01:10:56,518 --> 01:10:57,851 considering that every day 1584 01:10:57,853 --> 01:10:59,586 that your car is in storage, 1585 01:10:59,588 --> 01:11:01,722 you're gonna be incurring higher fees. 1586 01:11:01,724 --> 01:11:05,325 All right. Well, I think I have a pretty strong case here, so, 1587 01:11:05,327 --> 01:11:07,928 can we set up, uh, an adjudicator meeting? 1588 01:11:07,930 --> 01:11:09,696 Yes, sir, I will set up 1589 01:11:09,698 --> 01:11:11,465 your adjudicator meeting. 1590 01:11:11,467 --> 01:11:12,966 Thank you. 1591 01:11:18,007 --> 01:11:19,439 All right. 1592 01:11:21,610 --> 01:11:23,710 Oh, yeah, let me, uh, I can cut you a check. 1593 01:11:23,712 --> 01:11:25,612 Yeah. Well, come into my office. 1594 01:11:25,614 --> 01:11:27,447 Here, would like some coffee? 1595 01:11:27,449 --> 01:11:28,615 Yeah, that'd be great. 1596 01:11:28,617 --> 01:11:29,850 How do you take your coffee? 1597 01:11:29,852 --> 01:11:31,918 Uh, just black. Oh, that's easy. 1598 01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:33,720 So, isn't this exciting, Henry? 1599 01:11:33,722 --> 01:11:34,788 Yeah. 1600 01:11:36,625 --> 01:11:38,992 Oh, I'm gonna let the machine get it. 1601 01:11:40,695 --> 01:11:41,962 Hi, this is Ellen 1602 01:11:41,964 --> 01:11:43,497 from Ellen Pinsky management. 1603 01:11:43,499 --> 01:11:46,700 I'll get back to you asap. 1604 01:11:46,702 --> 01:11:48,068 Hey, Ellen, it's Jay Warren. 1605 01:11:48,070 --> 01:11:50,671 Um, you know... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1606 01:11:50,673 --> 01:11:52,406 Uh, um, hi, Jay. 1607 01:11:52,408 --> 01:11:53,907 Oh. Oh, you're there. 1608 01:11:53,909 --> 01:11:55,575 - Yeah, I'm here. - Great. 1609 01:11:55,577 --> 01:11:57,311 In fact, I'm screening my calls, 1610 01:11:57,313 --> 01:11:58,578 but I'm actually here with Henry right now 1611 01:11:58,580 --> 01:11:59,846 and I just gave him his check. 1612 01:11:59,848 --> 01:12:01,615 Uh, yeah, that's great. 1613 01:12:01,617 --> 01:12:03,317 Listen, are you guys able to make it 1614 01:12:03,319 --> 01:12:04,584 to now channel today at 2:00 P.M. 1615 01:12:04,586 --> 01:12:06,320 Which I know is short notice, 1616 01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:07,487 but they wanna see us right away. 1617 01:12:07,489 --> 01:12:09,890 Uh, sure. Is it something good? 1618 01:12:09,892 --> 01:12:11,692 Let's just say I've never heard of a network 1619 01:12:11,694 --> 01:12:12,893 calling an emergency meeting like this 1620 01:12:12,895 --> 01:12:14,328 to tell somebody no. 1621 01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:16,363 You know what I'm saying? 1622 01:12:17,900 --> 01:12:19,333 Hold up. Hold up. Hold the door. 1623 01:12:19,335 --> 01:12:20,534 Okay. Okay. Got it. 1624 01:12:20,536 --> 01:12:21,835 Oh, thanks. Oh, hey. 1625 01:12:21,837 --> 01:12:22,903 Oh, hey. 1626 01:12:22,905 --> 01:12:25,439 Oh, hey. Hi. 1627 01:12:25,441 --> 01:12:26,807 Have you heard the good news? 1628 01:12:26,809 --> 01:12:28,675 No. Clue us in. 1629 01:12:28,677 --> 01:12:30,977 Uh, well, your video went viral. 1630 01:12:30,979 --> 01:12:32,346 Oh, you're kidding. 1631 01:12:32,348 --> 01:12:34,114 Wow. 1632 01:12:34,116 --> 01:12:37,651 Those whiz kids really came through, huh? 1633 01:12:37,653 --> 01:12:39,353 I'll tell you what, I'll save it for later. 1634 01:12:39,355 --> 01:12:40,854 - Awesome. - Yeah. 1635 01:12:40,856 --> 01:12:42,622 Crazy. 1636 01:12:42,624 --> 01:12:44,458 What? 1637 01:12:44,460 --> 01:12:46,827 - Oh. - This is lit. 1638 01:12:50,465 --> 01:12:51,932 Wait, so this is the video you guys 1639 01:12:51,934 --> 01:12:53,467 - are talking about? - It... it's got 1640 01:12:53,469 --> 01:12:54,634 the three steps of virality. 1641 01:12:54,636 --> 01:12:55,936 Step one, the join. 1642 01:12:55,938 --> 01:12:57,003 Get your hand on the mouse. 1643 01:12:57,005 --> 01:12:58,839 Step two, the fuck up, 1644 01:12:58,841 --> 01:13:00,540 moves the mouse over to the share button. 1645 01:13:00,542 --> 01:13:03,043 Step three, the epic face-plant, fires the click. 1646 01:13:03,045 --> 01:13:04,644 It's a fucking masterpiece. 1647 01:13:04,646 --> 01:13:06,113 Guys, this is really good. 1648 01:13:06,115 --> 01:13:07,981 We're ready to take this to the next level. 1649 01:13:07,983 --> 01:13:09,649 We have one little tweak. Mara, why don't you 1650 01:13:09,651 --> 01:13:11,017 tell them about it? All right. So what 1651 01:13:11,019 --> 01:13:12,419 we're gonna do is we're gonna take 1652 01:13:12,421 --> 01:13:14,654 the day's hottest viral videos 1653 01:13:14,656 --> 01:13:16,523 and then we're going to have 1654 01:13:16,525 --> 01:13:18,925 famous actors reenact them, 1655 01:13:18,927 --> 01:13:21,561 but who better to introduce them 1656 01:13:21,563 --> 01:13:23,797 than Mr. epic fail himself, 1657 01:13:23,799 --> 01:13:24,965 Henry Phillips? 1658 01:13:24,967 --> 01:13:26,867 So Henry, you would come out 1659 01:13:26,869 --> 01:13:29,136 and you do like a little bit and maybe a stunt 1660 01:13:29,138 --> 01:13:30,537 where you trip and fall over. Wait, wait, uh, hold on. 1661 01:13:30,539 --> 01:13:32,072 So, I'm the host of this show 1662 01:13:32,074 --> 01:13:33,540 doing my songs and having... 1663 01:13:33,542 --> 01:13:35,475 Dude, fuck your songs. 1664 01:13:35,477 --> 01:13:37,043 This is what people wanna see you doing. 1665 01:13:37,045 --> 01:13:38,445 - Yeah. - Yeah, like no offense, 1666 01:13:38,447 --> 01:13:39,546 but when we uploaded your song, 1667 01:13:39,548 --> 01:13:40,847 the response was garbage, 1668 01:13:40,849 --> 01:13:42,048 like it was like trying to give away 1669 01:13:42,050 --> 01:13:43,483 an old mattress or something. 1670 01:13:43,485 --> 01:13:44,785 Uh, we love your songs 1671 01:13:44,787 --> 01:13:46,620 and we think they're so silly, 1672 01:13:46,622 --> 01:13:48,155 but I think that we can all agree 1673 01:13:48,157 --> 01:13:50,056 that they're not testing very well 1674 01:13:50,058 --> 01:13:52,459 in the viral universe. So, we just really wanted 1675 01:13:52,461 --> 01:13:55,028 to take advantage of this really remarkable opportunity. 1676 01:13:55,030 --> 01:13:57,764 People are doing parodies of your video. 1677 01:14:06,108 --> 01:14:07,641 Look, that's the thing though, 1678 01:14:07,643 --> 01:14:09,075 it's not my video. 1679 01:14:09,077 --> 01:14:10,644 Not... - no, this is your video, 1680 01:14:10,646 --> 01:14:11,878 this is your face. 1681 01:14:11,880 --> 01:14:13,513 People are recognizing you. 1682 01:14:13,515 --> 01:14:14,815 They're talking about you. Yeah. 1683 01:14:14,817 --> 01:14:15,782 Well, they aren't talking about me. 1684 01:14:15,784 --> 01:14:17,050 Here's a guy 1685 01:14:17,052 --> 01:14:19,953 who calls me a douche canoe. 1686 01:14:19,955 --> 01:14:21,488 I don't even know what that means. 1687 01:14:21,490 --> 01:14:22,689 All right, here's a good one. 1688 01:14:22,691 --> 01:14:25,525 I'm a shit-eating twat waffle. 1689 01:14:25,527 --> 01:14:26,693 I do know what that means 1690 01:14:26,695 --> 01:14:28,161 and it's not flattering. 1691 01:14:28,163 --> 01:14:29,696 You got to get over it, man. 1692 01:14:29,698 --> 01:14:31,198 Negative comments are how you know 1693 01:14:31,200 --> 01:14:32,599 - you're a somebody. - If everyone 1694 01:14:32,601 --> 01:14:33,834 was being nice, that means 1695 01:14:33,836 --> 01:14:35,235 they don't see you as a threat. 1696 01:14:35,237 --> 01:14:36,636 - This is a compliment. - Oh, yeah, 1697 01:14:36,638 --> 01:14:37,871 it's a compliment. Okay, well, 1698 01:14:37,873 --> 01:14:39,506 I'm gonna compliment you, guys, 1699 01:14:39,508 --> 01:14:41,208 and say that you're a couple of, uh, 1700 01:14:41,210 --> 01:14:43,043 ass-gobbling cunt balloons. 1701 01:14:43,045 --> 01:14:44,578 Nothing's set in stone, okay? 1702 01:14:44,580 --> 01:14:45,745 I mean, this is just spitballing here. 1703 01:14:45,747 --> 01:14:46,980 Henry, how about this? 1704 01:14:46,982 --> 01:14:48,114 We're gonna get you some water, 1705 01:14:48,116 --> 01:14:49,483 we'll get you some coffee, 1706 01:14:49,485 --> 01:14:50,917 I'm just sensing you're maybe 1707 01:14:50,919 --> 01:14:52,686 getting a little upset. I'm extremely upset. 1708 01:14:52,688 --> 01:14:53,987 As a matter of fact, I don't wanna have anything 1709 01:14:53,989 --> 01:14:55,109 to do with any of this shit. 1710 01:15:00,261 --> 01:15:01,995 Well, I think he feels like he, kind of, 1711 01:15:01,997 --> 01:15:03,730 got blindsided, you know? And it's, 1712 01:15:03,732 --> 01:15:05,499 uh, it's an adjustment. We'll work it up. 1713 01:15:05,501 --> 01:15:06,700 Ellen, we'll talk to him 1714 01:15:06,702 --> 01:15:07,934 and we'll be good. 1715 01:15:07,936 --> 01:15:10,937 Fuck your songs? You kidding me? 1716 01:15:14,843 --> 01:15:16,943 I know this is not what you originally envisioned, 1717 01:15:16,945 --> 01:15:18,712 what any of us originally envisioned, 1718 01:15:18,714 --> 01:15:20,547 but this is just the way things 1719 01:15:20,549 --> 01:15:22,215 shake out sometimes. I mean, this is... 1720 01:15:22,217 --> 01:15:24,017 This is an opportunity, this is serendipity. 1721 01:15:24,019 --> 01:15:25,285 Well I mean, the thing is, 1722 01:15:25,287 --> 01:15:27,020 my songs are my life, you know. 1723 01:15:27,022 --> 01:15:29,022 - That's what I enjoy doing. - I know. 1724 01:15:29,024 --> 01:15:30,590 I get that, I do, and I love them, 1725 01:15:30,592 --> 01:15:32,826 but here's what I think you're missing. 1726 01:15:32,828 --> 01:15:34,594 If this show was a hit, 1727 01:15:34,596 --> 01:15:35,896 you can write all the songs you want. 1728 01:15:35,898 --> 01:15:37,230 I mean, you're gonna be famous. 1729 01:15:37,232 --> 01:15:38,899 That's what you want, right? 1730 01:15:38,901 --> 01:15:40,534 I never said that. 1731 01:15:40,536 --> 01:15:42,035 Hey, guys. 1732 01:15:42,037 --> 01:15:44,838 Hey, Henry, I just saw that viral video of yours. 1733 01:15:44,840 --> 01:15:46,673 Is that, uh, what the TV show is all about? 1734 01:15:46,675 --> 01:15:47,774 Well, it's not what it was supposed to be about, 1735 01:15:47,776 --> 01:15:49,309 but apparently it is. 1736 01:15:49,311 --> 01:15:50,944 Well, it was funny as hell 1737 01:15:50,946 --> 01:15:52,579 and you got tons of views. Congrats. 1738 01:15:52,581 --> 01:15:53,947 Yeah, but it's unintentionally funny. 1739 01:15:53,949 --> 01:15:55,715 Unintentional? The... what does that... 1740 01:15:55,717 --> 01:15:57,317 Do you know... you know who Arnie Roberts is? 1741 01:15:57,319 --> 01:15:58,885 - There you go. Rimshot. - Oh, yeah, tombstone guy. 1742 01:15:58,887 --> 01:16:00,086 Arnie "rimshot" Roberts. 1743 01:16:00,088 --> 01:16:01,755 You know what he used to say? 1744 01:16:01,757 --> 01:16:02,923 It doesn't matter why they're laughing 1745 01:16:02,925 --> 01:16:04,658 as long as they're laughing. 1746 01:16:04,660 --> 01:16:06,593 Have a good stay. 1747 01:16:06,595 --> 01:16:07,961 Well, listen, why don't we shoot 1748 01:16:07,963 --> 01:16:09,629 for a compromise, like, 1749 01:16:09,631 --> 01:16:11,331 let's say they have you sing one of your songs 1750 01:16:11,333 --> 01:16:13,600 and then on the way out, you slip on some paint 1751 01:16:13,602 --> 01:16:14,935 or something? Oh, I don't know. 1752 01:16:14,937 --> 01:16:16,903 I'm just spitballing out of my ass. 1753 01:16:16,905 --> 01:16:18,672 - Hey, buddy. - Oh, hey. 1754 01:16:18,674 --> 01:16:20,640 Your hair is on fire. 1755 01:16:21,842 --> 01:16:23,643 See? Like this is the kind of shit 1756 01:16:23,645 --> 01:16:26,079 I Jay: Yeah, that was ridiculous. 1757 01:16:26,081 --> 01:16:28,248 But do you really have a choice now at this point? 1758 01:16:28,250 --> 01:16:30,016 Well, what do you mean? 1759 01:16:30,018 --> 01:16:31,651 Well, I mean, we signed on 1760 01:16:31,653 --> 01:16:33,119 to develop this thing, you know. 1761 01:16:33,121 --> 01:16:35,021 If you just walk away now, you're pissing off 1762 01:16:35,023 --> 01:16:36,823 some pretty important people. 1763 01:16:36,825 --> 01:16:38,191 - This is big business here. - Henry, 1764 01:16:38,193 --> 01:16:39,926 you got to think about this. 1765 01:16:39,928 --> 01:16:41,628 All right. Well, look, I got to go on now, 1766 01:16:41,630 --> 01:16:43,363 but, uh, let's talk about this another time. 1767 01:16:43,365 --> 01:16:44,798 Okay, well, knock them dead 1768 01:16:44,800 --> 01:16:46,132 and don't worry, Henry, 1769 01:16:46,134 --> 01:16:47,734 I got your back. All right. 1770 01:16:47,736 --> 01:16:48,969 Well, thanks, Ellen. Thanks, guys. 1771 01:16:48,971 --> 01:16:50,770 I'll see you in a little bit. 1772 01:16:50,772 --> 01:16:52,906 We got a very funny guy coming up now. 1773 01:16:52,908 --> 01:16:54,774 He just sold the show to the now channel 1774 01:16:54,776 --> 01:16:56,309 and he's here tonight, give him a hand, 1775 01:16:56,311 --> 01:16:59,346 make him feel welcome, Mr. Henry Phillips. 1776 01:17:06,287 --> 01:17:08,989 Hey, thanks, stupid. 1777 01:17:08,991 --> 01:17:11,057 Um... 1778 01:17:11,059 --> 01:17:13,627 Well, I've only been in la now for a couple of weeks 1779 01:17:13,629 --> 01:17:14,794 and it's weird because I've noticed 1780 01:17:14,796 --> 01:17:16,262 that I think hailing a taxi 1781 01:17:16,264 --> 01:17:18,098 must look exactly the same as trying... 1782 01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:20,033 Do the light-your-hair-on-fire bit. 1783 01:17:20,035 --> 01:17:21,368 - The what? - The bit, 1784 01:17:21,370 --> 01:17:22,936 where you light your hair on fire. 1785 01:17:22,938 --> 01:17:24,104 That's not actually a bit. 1786 01:17:24,106 --> 01:17:25,271 She's talking about a video 1787 01:17:25,273 --> 01:17:26,339 where, uh, somebody gave me 1788 01:17:26,341 --> 01:17:27,907 a marijuana cigarette 1789 01:17:27,909 --> 01:17:28,942 and I hey, man, 1790 01:17:28,944 --> 01:17:30,110 were you really stoned? 1791 01:17:30,112 --> 01:17:31,678 No, I wasn't stoned. 1792 01:17:31,680 --> 01:17:33,013 Like I get... I didn't know it was lit 1793 01:17:33,015 --> 01:17:34,147 and I put it on my hair and I wound up 1794 01:17:34,149 --> 01:17:35,315 damn near killing myself... 1795 01:17:35,317 --> 01:17:36,349 Feeling like you were stoned. 1796 01:17:36,351 --> 01:17:37,884 If you don't mind, 1797 01:17:37,886 --> 01:17:39,252 I'd rather not do a whole Q and a 1798 01:17:39,254 --> 01:17:41,688 about this fucking video right now. 1799 01:17:41,690 --> 01:17:43,123 I'd rather just do my act. 1800 01:17:43,125 --> 01:17:45,225 That was so funny. 1801 01:17:45,227 --> 01:17:47,060 Was it fake? Okay. Uh, so anyway, 1802 01:17:47,062 --> 01:17:49,095 yeah, I've only been in la for a couple of weeks now 1803 01:17:49,097 --> 01:17:51,164 - and, uh, it's funny... - So why did you come up 1804 01:17:51,166 --> 01:17:52,932 here if you weren't gonna talk about the... 1805 01:17:52,934 --> 01:17:54,000 All right, dude, if you wanna talk about it, 1806 01:17:54,002 --> 01:17:55,335 you can talk about it. 1807 01:17:55,337 --> 01:17:56,369 Everybody just go fuck themselves. 1808 01:17:56,371 --> 01:17:58,204 I'm done with this shit. 1809 01:18:00,041 --> 01:18:01,908 Hey, 1810 01:18:01,910 --> 01:18:03,777 what did I tell you guys about heckling the performers? 1811 01:18:03,779 --> 01:18:05,345 I was just trying to go... I was trying to 1812 01:18:05,347 --> 01:18:07,113 that's not up to you. 1813 01:18:07,115 --> 01:18:08,882 Why don't you guys pretend this is TV 1814 01:18:08,884 --> 01:18:10,383 and shut the fuck up, huh? You know what? 1815 01:18:10,385 --> 01:18:11,951 Get out of here, buddy. 1816 01:18:11,953 --> 01:18:13,720 Oggy, get this idiot out of here. 1817 01:18:13,722 --> 01:18:15,221 - I'm a customer. - Not at my club, 1818 01:18:15,223 --> 01:18:16,289 - you're not. Get out. - That's so unfair. 1819 01:18:16,291 --> 01:18:17,991 Oh, you, too, asshole. 1820 01:18:17,993 --> 01:18:19,192 Oggy, this one, too. It's a little harsh. 1821 01:18:19,194 --> 01:18:20,960 So is your makeup. 1822 01:18:20,962 --> 01:18:22,295 We just wanted to see... Yeah, shut up. 1823 01:18:22,297 --> 01:18:23,329 Why don't you guys go and have sex 1824 01:18:23,331 --> 01:18:24,964 in the parking lot? 1825 01:18:24,966 --> 01:18:26,032 Thank you, guys, for being human beings, 1826 01:18:26,034 --> 01:18:27,400 not like those idiots. 1827 01:18:27,402 --> 01:18:28,802 Give yourselves a round of applause. 1828 01:18:30,405 --> 01:18:32,806 Are you guys 1829 01:18:34,008 --> 01:18:35,308 the front end of the vehicle 1830 01:18:35,310 --> 01:18:36,810 was over 20 inches 1831 01:18:36,812 --> 01:18:38,712 into a private driveway. 1832 01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:39,979 It's a violation. 1833 01:18:39,981 --> 01:18:41,214 It's clear cut. 1834 01:18:41,216 --> 01:18:43,016 Mr. Phillips? 1835 01:18:43,018 --> 01:18:44,918 Well, yeah, I'm not disputing that part of it. 1836 01:18:44,920 --> 01:18:46,453 I'm just saying that nobody ever told me 1837 01:18:46,455 --> 01:18:48,855 the car was impounded. You see what I mean? 1838 01:18:48,857 --> 01:18:50,123 So it's like the cops are looking 1839 01:18:50,125 --> 01:18:51,191 for a stolen vehicle 1840 01:18:51,193 --> 01:18:52,358 when meanwhile my car 1841 01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:54,127 is sitting on their impound lot 1842 01:18:54,129 --> 01:18:56,296 racking up $2,000 worth of charges... 1843 01:18:56,298 --> 01:18:57,997 When did the police contact you 1844 01:18:57,999 --> 01:18:59,365 about finding your car? 1845 01:18:59,367 --> 01:19:01,501 I got a message two days ago. 1846 01:19:01,503 --> 01:19:03,369 - I see. - Now, hold on. 1847 01:19:03,371 --> 01:19:04,738 When the car was towed, 1848 01:19:04,740 --> 01:19:06,239 I entered it into the system 1849 01:19:06,241 --> 01:19:08,842 so there's absolutely positively no way 1850 01:19:08,844 --> 01:19:11,211 the police would not have notified him that day. 1851 01:19:11,213 --> 01:19:14,013 Mr. Phillips, do you still have the message? 1852 01:19:14,015 --> 01:19:15,915 I should, yeah. 1853 01:19:15,917 --> 01:19:17,283 Can you play it for us? 1854 01:19:17,285 --> 01:19:18,952 Sure. 1855 01:19:20,755 --> 01:19:23,490 Sunday, September 18, 10:17 am. 1856 01:19:23,492 --> 01:19:25,258 Sorry about last night. 1857 01:19:25,260 --> 01:19:26,159 I wound up banging that Erica chick. 1858 01:19:26,161 --> 01:19:28,128 Oh, sorry. 1859 01:19:28,130 --> 01:19:29,329 She's gonna be the last girl in la 1860 01:19:29,331 --> 01:19:31,030 that still has a hairy crotch. 1861 01:19:31,032 --> 01:19:33,867 Shave the cooch, shave the cooch. 1862 01:19:33,869 --> 01:19:36,503 I went down on that... I'm sorry. Um... 1863 01:19:36,505 --> 01:19:39,439 You hang up on me, you piece of shit coward? 1864 01:19:39,441 --> 01:19:41,007 You little fucking weep... 1865 01:19:41,009 --> 01:19:43,176 Hold on. 1866 01:19:43,178 --> 01:19:44,844 Hey, Henry, I feel bad. 1867 01:19:44,846 --> 01:19:45,945 I know we haven't talked 1868 01:19:45,947 --> 01:19:47,147 since you ejaculated 1869 01:19:47,149 --> 01:19:48,882 on my girlfriend's leg... 1870 01:19:48,884 --> 01:19:50,283 - Mr. Phillips, it... - But, um... 1871 01:19:50,285 --> 01:19:51,551 - One sec. - I'd love to talk 1872 01:19:51,553 --> 01:19:53,353 to you or see you. 1873 01:19:53,355 --> 01:19:54,854 Message saved, 1874 01:19:54,856 --> 01:19:57,957 Monday, September 26, 10:26 am. 1875 01:19:57,959 --> 01:19:59,392 Good morning, Mr. Phillips, 1876 01:19:59,394 --> 01:20:01,127 detective Delgado here. This is it. 1877 01:20:01,129 --> 01:20:02,195 Well, good news we found 1878 01:20:02,197 --> 01:20:04,464 your 2006 Forenza. 1879 01:20:04,466 --> 01:20:05,865 It was not stolen. 1880 01:20:05,867 --> 01:20:07,066 It looks like the vehicle 1881 01:20:07,068 --> 01:20:08,401 was actually towed 1882 01:20:08,403 --> 01:20:11,204 for obstructing a driveway. 1883 01:20:11,206 --> 01:20:13,540 You can retrieve it at 2309 1884 01:20:13,542 --> 01:20:15,441 - west Tampa boulevard. - Okay then. 1885 01:20:16,944 --> 01:20:19,045 Can you read that back to me, please? 1886 01:20:20,548 --> 01:20:23,416 Sunday, September 18th, 10:17 am. 1887 01:20:23,418 --> 01:20:25,051 Hey, sorry about last night. 1888 01:20:25,053 --> 01:20:26,252 I wound up banging that Erica chick. 1889 01:20:26,254 --> 01:20:28,888 Just the last message is fine. 1890 01:20:28,890 --> 01:20:30,924 Sorry. 1891 01:20:30,926 --> 01:20:33,560 Monday, September 26, 10:26 am. 1892 01:20:33,562 --> 01:20:36,029 Good morning, Mr. Phillips, detective Delgado here. 1893 01:20:36,031 --> 01:20:39,165 Well, good news we found your 2006 Forenza. 1894 01:20:39,167 --> 01:20:41,067 It wasn't stolen. It looks like the vehicle 1895 01:20:41,069 --> 01:20:44,304 was towed for obstructing a driveway. 1896 01:20:44,306 --> 01:20:46,105 Well, there you go. 1897 01:21:05,426 --> 01:21:06,626 So I guess somebody 1898 01:21:06,628 --> 01:21:08,494 uploads this stupid video 1899 01:21:08,496 --> 01:21:10,196 of me making an ass out of myself 1900 01:21:10,198 --> 01:21:12,265 and it turns out that that's what the network 1901 01:21:12,267 --> 01:21:15,034 wanted to make a show about, not my songs, 1902 01:21:15,036 --> 01:21:16,402 just some asshole 1903 01:21:16,404 --> 01:21:18,304 whose hair caught on fire, you know, 1904 01:21:18,306 --> 01:21:20,874 so just because of this dumb viral video, you know? 1905 01:21:20,876 --> 01:21:22,876 Yeah, I know. I saw the video. 1906 01:21:22,878 --> 01:21:24,510 It was hilarious. 1907 01:21:24,512 --> 01:21:27,013 You saw it? Yeah. Somebody uploaded it 1908 01:21:27,015 --> 01:21:28,248 on Facebook and I was like, 1909 01:21:28,250 --> 01:21:30,049 oh, there's the guy 1910 01:21:30,051 --> 01:21:31,351 that screwed my girlfriend. 1911 01:21:31,353 --> 01:21:32,518 Oh, no. 1912 01:21:32,520 --> 01:21:34,153 I hope Zoe's gonna forgive me 1913 01:21:34,155 --> 01:21:35,989 about all that. 1914 01:21:35,991 --> 01:21:38,658 I think when she finally stops vomiting, 1915 01:21:38,660 --> 01:21:41,895 she'll probably come around. 1916 01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:44,030 I was gonna put a fresh pot of coffee on. 1917 01:21:44,032 --> 01:21:45,198 Would you like some? 1918 01:21:45,200 --> 01:21:46,366 I would love that. 1919 01:21:46,368 --> 01:21:48,668 All right. Well, um, 1920 01:21:48,670 --> 01:21:50,470 here comes a little visitor for you. 1921 01:21:50,472 --> 01:21:52,105 Aw. 1922 01:21:54,241 --> 01:21:57,477 Make sure he doesn't jump off the ledge. 1923 01:21:57,479 --> 01:21:59,078 Oh, he's fine. 1924 01:21:59,080 --> 01:22:01,414 I was talking to the cat. 1925 01:22:03,585 --> 01:22:06,019 Jay, whatever happened to your TV show 1926 01:22:06,021 --> 01:22:08,054 about that loser guy? 1927 01:22:09,156 --> 01:22:10,990 Just a little Fyi, uh, 1928 01:22:10,992 --> 01:22:12,992 you talking to a guy in my business, 1929 01:22:12,994 --> 01:22:14,427 it's not the best idea to say, 1930 01:22:14,429 --> 01:22:16,229 hey, whatever happened to your blank, 1931 01:22:16,231 --> 01:22:17,931 you know, because if you didn't hear about it, 1932 01:22:17,933 --> 01:22:19,532 that story is not gonna have a happy ending. 1933 01:22:19,534 --> 01:22:22,468 Duly noted. 1934 01:22:22,470 --> 01:22:24,304 I owe you one. 1935 01:22:24,306 --> 01:22:27,206 I'll take it. 1936 01:22:27,208 --> 01:22:28,274 I'll tell you what happened. 1937 01:22:28,276 --> 01:22:29,409 We had Carl Rohmer 1938 01:22:29,411 --> 01:22:30,944 and the whole now network 1939 01:22:30,946 --> 01:22:32,312 chopping at the bit to make a show 1940 01:22:32,314 --> 01:22:33,479 about a guy, we're in the homestretch 1941 01:22:33,481 --> 01:22:35,715 and the guy just bails. 1942 01:22:35,717 --> 01:22:37,517 Well, all I can say is he's damn luck 1943 01:22:37,519 --> 01:22:39,118 he's working with you, Jay, 1944 01:22:39,120 --> 01:22:41,054 not one of those other sharks out there 1945 01:22:41,056 --> 01:22:44,223 or pedaling hotdogs in Kalamazoo right now. 1946 01:22:44,225 --> 01:22:45,391 You know what, at the end of the day, 1947 01:22:45,393 --> 01:22:47,727 I kind of get it. I mean... 1948 01:22:47,729 --> 01:22:49,362 Not everybody is dying to be famous 1949 01:22:49,364 --> 01:22:51,631 just for the sake of being famous. 1950 01:22:51,633 --> 01:22:53,266 So pop one open 1951 01:22:53,268 --> 01:22:55,468 for that cool, refreshing taste. 1952 01:23:01,343 --> 01:23:02,508 Look at that. 1953 01:23:02,510 --> 01:23:04,210 Stupid Joe does make more money 1954 01:23:04,212 --> 01:23:06,579 in 10 seconds than we're gonna make all weekend. 1955 01:23:06,581 --> 01:23:09,182 Well, good for him, I guess, huh? 1956 01:23:18,525 --> 01:23:20,126 Hey, did you leave the lights on? 1957 01:23:20,128 --> 01:23:21,427 No, they turn off automatically. 1958 01:23:21,429 --> 01:23:23,296 Are you sure? Yeah. 1959 01:23:23,298 --> 01:23:25,398 Yeah, come on, let's go. 1960 01:23:45,185 --> 01:23:47,086 Okay. It just didn't. 1961 01:24:04,138 --> 01:24:05,271 I'm going to go to the bathroom. 1962 01:24:05,273 --> 01:24:06,539 Yeah. Is it all right 1963 01:24:06,541 --> 01:24:08,074 if I just drop this here for a sec? 1964 01:24:08,076 --> 01:24:10,143 Okay. Thank you. 1965 01:24:13,281 --> 01:24:14,347 Hey, what's up man? 1966 01:24:14,349 --> 01:24:15,581 Hey, bathroom? 1967 01:24:15,583 --> 01:24:16,749 Yeah, but this section is closed 1968 01:24:16,751 --> 01:24:18,384 for a private party, sorry. 1969 01:24:18,386 --> 01:24:20,053 Uh, is there another bathroom or... 1970 01:24:20,055 --> 01:24:21,554 No. So, 1971 01:24:21,556 --> 01:24:23,156 what would somebody do if they have to go 1972 01:24:23,158 --> 01:24:24,657 to the bathroom? I got some VIPs back here 1973 01:24:24,659 --> 01:24:26,192 and I'm gonna tell you, sir. This is crazy. 1974 01:24:26,194 --> 01:24:27,560 I mean, is that even legal? 1975 01:24:27,562 --> 01:24:29,262 Don't you have to have a bathroom 1976 01:24:29,264 --> 01:24:31,184 for the people? I mean... Yeah, I'm not a lawyer. 1977 01:24:32,633 --> 01:24:34,500 That's crazy. 1978 01:24:40,107 --> 01:24:41,774 All right. 1979 01:24:41,776 --> 01:24:43,409 I want in. 1980 01:24:43,411 --> 01:24:44,777 But you're not getting in. 1981 01:24:46,480 --> 01:24:47,680 You know, right now, 1982 01:24:47,682 --> 01:24:49,649 I might be a big nobody here, 1983 01:24:49,651 --> 01:24:51,751 but few years down the line, I might be selling out shows 1984 01:24:51,753 --> 01:24:55,521 all over the country and our paths may cross again. 1985 01:24:55,523 --> 01:24:57,356 And if you're not nice to me now, 1986 01:24:57,358 --> 01:24:59,125 I might not be so easy to deal with 1987 01:24:59,127 --> 01:25:00,793 a little bit down the line. 1988 01:25:00,795 --> 01:25:02,662 So, 1989 01:25:02,664 --> 01:25:04,497 what's it gonna be? 1990 01:25:12,773 --> 01:25:15,408 Bullshit. 1991 01:25:15,410 --> 01:25:17,176 Hey, man. Hey, man, how's it going? 1992 01:25:17,178 --> 01:25:18,511 Good, good. 1993 01:25:18,513 --> 01:25:20,213 What do you want for your introduction? 1994 01:25:20,215 --> 01:25:22,515 Oh, just say Henry Phillips. 1995 01:25:22,517 --> 01:25:24,183 Cool. You want me to tell them 1996 01:25:24,185 --> 01:25:26,319 to turn off their cell phones? 1997 01:25:26,321 --> 01:25:28,621 Yeah, if you want. 1998 01:25:28,623 --> 01:25:30,656 I got it. All right. Cool. 1999 01:25:30,658 --> 01:25:32,225 Hey, can I have a glass of water real quick? 2000 01:25:32,227 --> 01:25:33,559 Oh, thanks. 2001 01:25:33,561 --> 01:25:34,861 Hey. Well, hey, man, 2002 01:25:34,863 --> 01:25:37,130 where did you go? Bathroom. 2003 01:25:37,132 --> 01:25:39,132 Did that guy let you in? Yeah, 2004 01:25:39,134 --> 01:25:41,801 I had to tell him I was with Henry Phillips. 2005 01:25:41,803 --> 01:25:44,337 Oh, um, by the way, 2006 01:25:44,339 --> 01:25:46,539 Arnold tell me to tell you... 2007 01:25:46,541 --> 01:25:47,707 Hotdogs. 2008 01:25:47,709 --> 01:25:49,242 Don't forget to mention hotdogs, 2009 01:25:49,244 --> 01:25:50,710 two for a dollar in a bun. 2010 01:25:50,712 --> 01:25:52,345 Put it in there somewhere. 2011 01:25:52,347 --> 01:25:54,180 - Good deal. - All right. 2012 01:25:54,182 --> 01:25:55,781 This guy coming up here, Henry Phillips, 2013 01:25:55,783 --> 01:26:00,153 wants you to turn your cell phones off, okay? 2014 01:26:00,155 --> 01:26:01,888 He came all the way out here from la. 2015 01:26:01,890 --> 01:26:03,523 I expect you to give him the respect 2016 01:26:03,525 --> 01:26:06,726 that somebody from la deserves. 2017 01:26:06,728 --> 01:26:08,628 Don't need to be talking on your cell phones 2018 01:26:08,630 --> 01:26:10,196 like a bunch of jackasses, 2019 01:26:10,198 --> 01:26:11,531 so give it up. 2020 01:26:15,669 --> 01:26:17,470 Oh, thanks. 2021 01:26:17,472 --> 01:26:18,804 You guys having a good time? 2022 01:26:20,642 --> 01:26:22,775 I'm not from la. I, um, I was just there 2023 01:26:22,777 --> 01:26:24,510 for a little while though. 2024 01:26:24,512 --> 01:26:26,345 I think la is this place where everybody feels 2025 01:26:26,347 --> 01:26:27,947 like they're just like sleeping their way to the top 2026 01:26:27,949 --> 01:26:29,549 and I always felt like I'm just like 2027 01:26:29,551 --> 01:26:30,816 masturbating my way to the bottom 2028 01:26:30,818 --> 01:26:32,852 for no other reason. And, um... 2029 01:26:32,854 --> 01:26:34,820 But I've always had the worst, like, when it comes to meeting 2030 01:26:34,822 --> 01:26:36,455 new people for the first time, and this is a true story. 2031 01:26:36,457 --> 01:26:38,624 I was in the elevator recently 2032 01:26:38,626 --> 01:26:40,426 and there were a couple of girls there 2033 01:26:40,428 --> 01:26:42,495 and some other people and I was trying 2034 01:26:42,497 --> 01:26:44,197 to talk to these girls 2035 01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:45,731 and there wasn't really happening 2036 01:26:45,733 --> 01:26:47,433 and so, um, 2037 01:26:47,435 --> 01:26:49,268 when I got to my floor, I didn't know 2038 01:26:49,270 --> 01:26:50,937 if I was supposed to go right or left, 2039 01:26:50,939 --> 01:26:52,305 but I just wanted to get out of there so I thought, 2040 01:26:52,307 --> 01:26:53,339 well, I'm just gonna go left 2041 01:26:53,341 --> 01:26:54,907 and deal with it later. 2042 01:26:54,909 --> 01:26:56,943 So I get to my floor and I was like, 2043 01:26:56,945 --> 01:26:59,278 well, you guys have a good one, whatever. 2044 01:26:59,280 --> 01:27:01,314 And then I went out and I went left, 2045 01:27:01,316 --> 01:27:03,683 but there's just a wall right here 2046 01:27:03,685 --> 01:27:05,384 and I was like, oh, shit. 2047 01:27:05,386 --> 01:27:06,586 But I didn't think they could see, so I thought, 2048 01:27:06,588 --> 01:27:08,254 well, maybe what I'll do, 2049 01:27:08,256 --> 01:27:09,989 I'm just gonna, kind of, like stand here 2050 01:27:09,991 --> 01:27:12,592 and hide up against the wall just for a second 2051 01:27:12,594 --> 01:27:13,826 and wait for the doors to close 2052 01:27:13,828 --> 01:27:14,961 so that way they don't know 2053 01:27:14,963 --> 01:27:16,629 that I fucked up. 2054 01:27:16,631 --> 01:27:17,997 So, I'm just kind of standing here, 2055 01:27:17,999 --> 01:27:20,399 hiding against the wall, waiting, 2056 01:27:20,401 --> 01:27:22,335 and the doors weren't closing for the longest time, 2057 01:27:22,337 --> 01:27:24,337 but while I was standing there, 2058 01:27:24,339 --> 01:27:27,440 I looked across here and there's this giant mirror 2059 01:27:27,442 --> 01:27:29,408 and I could see them, and they're staring at me 2060 01:27:29,410 --> 01:27:31,510 and I'm just standing here, hiding up against this wall, 2061 01:27:31,512 --> 01:27:33,879 I didn't know what to say, I was like, uh, 2062 01:27:33,881 --> 01:27:35,715 oh, hey. 2063 01:27:35,717 --> 01:27:37,617 And then the doors closed right at that moment, 2064 01:27:37,619 --> 01:27:39,352 so that's the last thing anybody saw 2065 01:27:39,354 --> 01:27:40,553 and I was like, oh, man. 2066 01:27:42,523 --> 01:27:44,657 I don't think that happens to normal people. 2067 01:27:44,659 --> 01:27:46,792 So is it worth it? 2068 01:27:46,794 --> 01:27:50,463 As long as I'm doing what I like to do, 2069 01:27:50,465 --> 01:27:52,632 you know, I think that if somebody came up to me and said, 2070 01:27:52,634 --> 01:27:55,801 "hey, I'll give you $10,000, 2071 01:27:55,803 --> 01:27:57,603 "but you have to say a joke 2072 01:27:57,605 --> 01:28:00,773 that you don't think is funny," 2073 01:28:00,775 --> 01:28:02,875 I would do it, obviously. Yeah, I would, too. 2074 01:28:02,877 --> 01:28:03,943 That was a bad example. 2075 01:28:03,945 --> 01:28:05,311 I was stupid. 2076 01:28:05,313 --> 01:28:06,646 What I meant was, um, 2077 01:28:06,648 --> 01:28:08,748 like, if you... 2078 01:28:08,750 --> 01:28:10,650 You wanna fail at doing what you love 2079 01:28:10,652 --> 01:28:13,319 - and not compromising. - Exactly, 2080 01:28:13,321 --> 01:28:15,054 and I think I'm feeling very well 2081 01:28:15,056 --> 01:28:16,422 doing what I love. 2082 01:28:16,424 --> 01:28:17,823 You're listening to mouth fuck. 2083 01:28:17,825 --> 01:28:20,393 That was Henry Phillips 2084 01:28:20,395 --> 01:28:22,461 who I believe is... 2085 01:28:22,463 --> 01:28:24,897 A rambling troubadour extraordinaire. 2086 01:28:24,899 --> 01:28:26,499 Oh. 2087 01:28:26,501 --> 01:28:27,800 And, uh, thank you so much 2088 01:28:27,802 --> 01:28:30,069 for coming in. 2089 01:28:30,071 --> 01:28:32,038 - Yeah. - Playing your song 2090 01:28:32,040 --> 01:28:34,040 - and talking about your life. - Sure. 2091 01:28:34,042 --> 01:28:35,541 Thank you for having me. http://archiveha.net 2092 01:30:01,496 --> 01:30:03,095 I wanna apologize about my voice tonight, 2093 01:30:03,097 --> 01:30:05,398 by the way. 2094 01:30:05,400 --> 01:30:06,832 Every night, it's a shitty voice, 2095 01:30:06,834 --> 01:30:09,902 so I apologize about that, but... 2096 01:30:22,650 --> 01:30:24,083 Thank you guys very much. http://archiveha.net 2097 01:30:23,085 --> 01:30:24,818 Thank you so much. 2097 01:30:25,305 --> 01:30:31,463 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org