1 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,097 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,649 Come on. Let's go. 3 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:14,620 Wait a minute! You can't just return them. 4 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,295 They said I wasn't a good fit. 5 00:01:20,746 --> 00:01:22,917 There'll be another family, Michelle. 6 00:01:25,918 --> 00:01:28,549 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 7 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,012 Oh, come on! Wait a minute! 8 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,640 What's the matter with me? 9 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,435 Not a thing, Michelle. 10 00:01:44,353 --> 00:01:46,694 God's children are all perfect. 11 00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,149 In their own way. 12 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,493 (ROCK BALLAD PLAYING) 13 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,081 Fuck you! 14 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:02,754 Never lose hope, Michelle. 15 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,545 There's a family out there for everyone. 16 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,835 Come on, Agnes. Families are for suckers. 17 00:02:08,377 --> 00:02:10,837 Don't worry about me. I don't need anybody. 18 00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:12,721 I'm going straight to the top. 19 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,719 Michelle. Michelle? 20 00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,431 AUDIENCE CHANTING: Michelle! Michelle! 21 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:19,644 - Michelle! - SISTER ALUMINATA: Michelle? 22 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:23,483 MALE ANNOUNCER: She's the CEO of three Fortune 500 companies 23 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:28,060 and the best-selling financial author of Money Talks, Bullshit Walks. 24 00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:31,228 The one, the only, Michelle Darnell! 25 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,487 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 26 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,699 Who wants to make some money? 27 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,663 (MAN SHOUTING) 28 00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:40,740 I can't hear you, Chicago! 29 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:47,963 Get those hands up! 30 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,473 Come on! There we go! 31 00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:59,549 (RAPPING) MD going in on the verse 'Cause I never been defeated 32 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:00,635 And I won't stop now 33 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:01,812 Keep your hands up, put 'em in the sky 34 00:03:01,889 --> 00:03:03,810 For the homies didn't make it and my folks locked down 35 00:03:03,891 --> 00:03:05,602 I never went nowhere 36 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:08,686 They're saying 'Chelle's back Blame it on the conjure 37 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,322 They call it M.D.-ac 38 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,068 Can't never count me out 39 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,438 Y'all better count me in 40 00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,646 Got twenty bank accounts Accountants count me in 41 00:03:16,737 --> 00:03:18,277 Make millions every year 42 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,953 The Chi's champion 43 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,992 'Cause all I do is... 44 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,084 MALE ANNOUNCER: Give it up for T-Pain! 45 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,621 All I do is win, win, win no matter what Got money on my mind 46 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,116 I can never get enough 47 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:31,247 And every time I step up in the building 48 00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:33,305 Everybody hands go up 49 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,844 And they stay there 50 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,723 And they say yeah 51 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,091 And they stay there 52 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,346 Up down, up down, up down 53 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:44,389 'Cause all I do is win, win, win 54 00:03:44,473 --> 00:03:48,403 And if you goin' in put your hands in the air Make them stay there 55 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,191 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 56 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,491 MICHELLE: Thank you, Chicago! 57 00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:04,623 Thank you. All right. 58 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:05,752 WOMAN: I love you! 59 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,538 Thank you. I love you, too. 60 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:09,293 My name is Michelle Darnell 61 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,383 and I am the 47th wealthiest woman in America. 62 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,134 How wealthy am I? 63 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:19,593 I had Destiny's Child reunite 64 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:23,684 only to have them come over to my personal living room 65 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,853 so I could watch them break apart again. 66 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,016 Huh? 67 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:31,524 How did I get to my success level? What's my secret? 68 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,769 I worked myself silly. 69 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,360 Okay, number one. 70 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,702 You work your ass off to get what you want. 71 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:43,237 Number two. You do not let other people drag you down. 72 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:44,704 'Cause they will. 73 00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:51,204 They are an anchor in your life that you do not want. 74 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,379 Cut 'em loose and sail off. 75 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,250 If you work this program... 76 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,377 You. Will. Get. Rich. 77 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,220 And I'm not talking about chump change. 78 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:08,223 And I'm not talking about some loose dollar bills at the bottom of your purse. 79 00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:11,137 I'm talking about real fucking money! 80 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,478 Life-changing money! 81 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:17,937 AUDIENCE CHANTING: Real fucking money! Real fucking money! 82 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,396 That's how you do it. 83 00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,526 Now let's go make some money! 84 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,355 Thank you, Tito. What a night! 85 00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,610 That's right, MD. (LAUGHING) 86 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:00,742 Yeah. 87 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:04,449 I'm amazed that the United Center is even still standing 88 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,071 because I crushed it tonight. 89 00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:07,485 You crushed it like velvet. 90 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:10,446 Like velvet! Send T-Pain some "thank you" flowers. 91 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:11,536 - Okay? - Okay. 92 00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,791 Look into getting more fire power to that bird. 93 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,504 Absolutely. More power. 94 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,793 No. The fire marshal almost shut us down 95 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,500 based on the pyrotechnics we used tonight. 96 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:20,627 I don't think that's an option. 97 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,723 Let's hire a new fire marshal. 98 00:06:22,798 --> 00:06:25,088 CLAIRE: I don't think you can hire a fire marshal. 99 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:27,007 I think it's a city-appointed position, 100 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,134 but I'll look into it. 101 00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:31,144 TITO: All she does is win, Claire. Toot-toot! 102 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,942 CLAIRE: I got this, Tito. Okay? You can sit this one out. 103 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,144 MICHELLE: Claire? 104 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,898 Oh, teeth whitening. Sorry. Sorry, yes. 105 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,360 - My God. - Sorry. 106 00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:43,701 - Hmm. - I have to remind you. That seems... 107 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:46,913 That seems like a little the opposite, right? 108 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:47,990 Yeah. 109 00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:50,659 Okay. Yeah, I think if you keep your... 110 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:53,411 You need to keep your tongue inside your mouth for this to work. 111 00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:57,247 Last week you very specifically said, "Keep tongue out." 112 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,004 - No. - You did say that, Claire. 113 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,134 I said, "Get your tongue out of the picture." 114 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,591 She's got to breathe, Claire. 115 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,473 Somebody must be hungry. 116 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:07,338 Somebody gets very crabby when she's hungry. 117 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,177 You're a little hangry, Claire. 118 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,682 I'm not hangry, Tito. 119 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,136 Hungry and angry. You hangry, Claire. 120 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,733 Sixty seconds of no talking. 121 00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:16,189 'Cause this has to set for 60 seconds. 122 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,690 I've been waiting. I mean, I'm in here. 123 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,269 You're the only one that's talking, Claire. 124 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,685 You're the only one talking. It's hilarious. 125 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:26,862 It's like that classic comedy gag, "He's on my baseball." 126 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:28,194 Who's on my baseball? 127 00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:29,622 Who's on my baseball? 128 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,913 - Uh, who's on my baseball? (CHUCKLING) - (MICHELLE CHUCKLING) 129 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,249 - Oh, no it's... - Who's on my baseball? 130 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:37,999 I think it's, "Who's on first. What's on second? I Don't Know is on third." 131 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,040 Right? 132 00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:42,377 - I don't think that's... - Uh, no. 133 00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:45,375 I think you're on my baseball. 134 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,134 - TITO: Who's on my baseball? - First base. 135 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,144 (MICHELLE AND TITO LAUGHING) 136 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:51,891 (SINGING) What's on my baseball? 137 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,259 Baseball 138 00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,728 Great. So, since I have you for a second, 139 00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:59,307 you told me to remind you exactly a year ago today 140 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:03,065 that it's been three years since my last pay increase. 141 00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,608 I don't think that's true. 142 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,403 That doesn't ring... 143 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,074 Does that seem accurate to you? 144 00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,197 That sounds false. 145 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,584 But you crushed it tonight! 146 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,288 CLAIRE: It's not false, Tito. It's entirely accurate. 147 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,620 And I wrote down what you said. 148 00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:20,495 Oh, Claire, I don't know why you always have to quote. 149 00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:22,923 "Claire, exactly one year from today 150 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,423 "I'm going to give you a raise so big 151 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,466 "you'll cream your jeans and shat your chaps." 152 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:32,389 Claire. That is wildly inappropriate. 153 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,431 MICHELLE: Wildly. TITO: Lowbrow, Claire. 154 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,932 CLAIRE: I run your entire organization, Michelle. 155 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,234 I do a great job. 156 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,597 I made myself available for you 24 hours a day 157 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:43,145 while being a single mom, I might add. 158 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,731 I deserve a raise and a title change. 159 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,355 I'd like "Executive Assistant." 160 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:51,866 Now that surprises me, 'cause I did not know that you had a child. 161 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:55,286 Was that through... Was that through intercourse? 162 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,576 Yes. 163 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,950 MICHELLE: You know what? Good for you. 164 00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:01,076 Michelle, if you can't give me a raise, 165 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,634 I can't continue to work here. 166 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,553 Well, look who finally showed up to my seminar. 167 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,885 MICHELLE: (CLAPPING) 'Bout time, Claire. I love it. 168 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:13,798 I didn't know if you were listening all these years. 169 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:14,966 What am I always saying? 170 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,256 "Don't go in that room." 171 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,926 MICHELLE: True. I do say that. But I also say, 172 00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:21,984 "If you want something, you gotta take it." 173 00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,059 Claire, you just took it. 174 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,976 And you grew a pair in the process. 175 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,436 I'm holding your earrings. (CHUCKLES) 176 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,653 You're holding a pair of earrings 177 00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:33,205 that in 2001, I paid $62,000 for. 178 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,620 And that's your raise, now. That's a good raise. 179 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:37,789 And you earned it. 180 00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,201 Thank you. 181 00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:41,618 Congratulations on your balls, Claire. 182 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,669 - MICHELLE: Isn't Tito the greatest? - (FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS) 183 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,091 CLAIRE: I love Tito. 184 00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:47,587 MICHELLE: What are you doing up here? 185 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,341 Miss Darnell, this just came for you. They said it was urgent. 186 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,254 (PHONE RINGING) 187 00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:56,182 Oh, it's ringing. 188 00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:00,892 MICHELLE: (GROANS) Oh, boy. 189 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,017 Go for Darnell. 190 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,903 RENAULT: (VIA PHONE) I will not be ignored. 191 00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:07,148 Ah. (CHUCKLES) 192 00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:09,528 MICHELLE: Hi there, Ronald. 193 00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:11,282 It's "Renault." 194 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,606 Why are you muscling in on my Takoro deal? 195 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,200 You know what? A little birdie told me 196 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,043 that Takoro was merging with Samson International. 197 00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:22,077 So I acquired the majority of the stock. 198 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,673 That's called insider trading, Michelle. 199 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,538 Which makes you a criminal. 200 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,047 You're going to be sorry you ever dishonored me. 201 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,716 God, for the last time, you're not a samurai, Ronald. 202 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,798 It's "Renault"! 203 00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:36,143 No, it's not. It's "Ron," and you're from Jersey. 204 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,153 Phil. Take off that ridiculous top. 205 00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:46,984 You should never cover that up. 206 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,114 Okay. 207 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:51,149 Please don't forget you have an interview first thing Monday. 208 00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:52,325 MICHELLE: We'll see. 209 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,075 Let me just... Let me just help you out there. 210 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,253 You'll regret this, Michelle! 211 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,866 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 212 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,001 Get me the SEC. 213 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,086 Okay. 214 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:15,427 We are back with the one and only, Michelle Darnell. 215 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,716 Let's talk about your relationship with your mentor, 216 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,100 that mega mogul, Ida Marquette. 217 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,390 Well, Gayle, we've got a terrific relationship. 218 00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:25,102 Really? I'm so surprised to hear that, 219 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:28,523 only because we came across this tape the other day. Take a look. 220 00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:30,856 - Oh. - IDA: I was Michelle's mentor. 221 00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,610 It's so hard to describe her. 222 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:36,743 She's a business woman, a visionary, a leader, 223 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,320 a natural born (BLEEPING) cocksucker, a motherfucker, 224 00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:41,618 an ass-wipe, a shit stain, 225 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:45,460 and sewer rat, fuck-face, professional. 226 00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:46,706 (SNICKERING) 227 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,629 Doesn't sound so chummy. 228 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,629 Oh, I think a couple of those beeps were actually compliments. 229 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,250 That's one way to look at it. 230 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,956 Michelle, I want to talk about you. 231 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,008 That you were, basically, abandoned as a child, 232 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,643 bounced around from foster home to foster home, 233 00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:03,600 and that, really, you were raised in an orphanage. 234 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:04,929 No, no, no. 235 00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:10,315 I was lucky enough to attend a beautiful, lovely elite boarding school, 236 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,976 very much like Hogwarts, to give you a visual. 237 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,436 And almost as magical. I feel very lucky. 238 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,990 Where'd you get that? 239 00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,664 GAYLE: We've got a really good research team, 240 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,582 and when I look at that picture, I don't think "elite." 241 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,332 Can we talk about this for a second? 242 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,630 - This interview is over. - Where are you going? 243 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,207 I was not trying to upset you, Michelle. 244 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,754 - Why are you leaving? - MICHELLE: You know what, Gayle? 245 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,668 Nobody spells "Gayle" with a "Y." It's pretentious. 246 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,549 You've got a great story to tell. 247 00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:40,975 Keeping the mic! 248 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,506 Gayle King ambushed me. You get that segment pulled before it airs. 249 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,677 Miss Darnell, you're under arrest 250 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,176 for insider trading and defrauding the Securities Exchange Commission. 251 00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:50,230 Are you kidding me? 252 00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:51,522 Would I kid you? 253 00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,023 - Claire, call my lawyer. - Okay. 254 00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,186 Stay back. 255 00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:56,192 What do you make a year? I'll double it. 256 00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,485 Did you just try to bribe me? 257 00:12:57,528 --> 00:12:59,947 No. I mean, unless you're tempted... 258 00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,407 Hey! This is... 259 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,740 This is not reasonable. Claire! 260 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,155 - Don't fight it, Michelle! - Let me go! 261 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:07,868 Ooh. Don't struggle, baby! 262 00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,120 Renault ratted me out! 263 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:14,168 It's just insider trading! Everybody does it! 264 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,051 You are fighting with the wrong redhead! 265 00:13:17,548 --> 00:13:18,548 (GRUNTS) 266 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,381 Yeah. I'm out. 267 00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,965 I'mma get my job back at Best Buy. Boom! 268 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,182 God, you're the worst. 269 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,678 FEMALE NEWSCASTER: In breaking news... 270 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:30,225 Michelle Darnell was sentenced to five months in federal prison 271 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,730 for insider trading. 272 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,899 - (DOGS GROWLING) - Currently, Darnell Enterprise stocks... 273 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,230 I told you you'd regret it. 274 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,605 STEPHAN: You can really hold onto a grudge. 275 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,403 I can't believe you two used to date. 276 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:41,735 RENAULT: Ah. It was the Go-Go Nineties. 277 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,032 She was my yin, I was her yang. 278 00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:48,748 Our bodies were intertwined, but our spirits were in constant opposition. 279 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:49,908 Dynamic. 280 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,620 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 281 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,630 (SOFT GROAN) 282 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:56,841 I got this promotion locked! 283 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,091 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 284 00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,422 Don't worry. Once I become senior VP, 285 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,875 nothing's gonna change between us. 286 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,894 It better not. You look so fucking rad when you do coke. 287 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,716 BRYCE: Hey, guys! Guys! 288 00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:07,893 What? 289 00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,850 They're about to announce who gets the promotion. 290 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,102 Pretty exciting, huh? 291 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:12,562 Fuck off, Bryce! 292 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,773 BOSS: All right, listen up, everybody. 293 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,113 I'd like you all to join me 294 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:21,610 in offering a hearty congratulations to our newest senior VP. 295 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,028 Michelle Darnell! 296 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:25,911 Oh, my... 297 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,578 - What? - (CHUCKLING) Oh, my God. 298 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,078 (STAMMERING) 299 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,332 I totally... 300 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,754 Fuck off if you think that you can take 301 00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,459 my client list and I wasn't gonna notice. 302 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:35,538 You bitch. 303 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,415 Oh, thank you! That's so supportive, Ron. 304 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,211 I couldn't have done it without you. 305 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,130 Ron! Coffee! 306 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:44,933 "Ron" is gone. 307 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,386 End of broadcast. 308 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,014 (DOOR ALARM BUZZING) 309 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,309 MICHELLE: It's bullshit, Marty. 310 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,852 I take one little tip from an insider 311 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,268 and I find myself in an absolute hellhole. 312 00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:01,654 I mean, look at me, fighting for my life in the yard. 313 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,184 MARTY: Well, the news gets worse. 314 00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,658 - All your accounts have been frozen. - MICHELLE: What? 315 00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,988 Your shareholders have all sold off. 316 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:11,955 Renault is orchestrating a hostile takeover of your entire holding company. 317 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,955 - No. - Darnell Enterprises is bankrupt. 318 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,667 - Can he do that? - Turn off the machine, Don. 319 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:17,918 No, he cannot. 320 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,671 Yes, he can. He actually did it beautifully. 321 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:23,668 (CHOKING) 322 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,838 That's my Adam's apple, you bitch! 323 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,798 Claire, get me a new lawyer. 324 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:30,886 There's not gonna be another lawyer 325 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,102 if you don't have any money, 326 00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,481 you stupid ginger! 327 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:36,977 You know what? I'm a ginger, but I'm a natural redhead. 328 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,519 Not that you're ever gonna find out. 329 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,264 Because you will never be invited into my basement. 330 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,028 I don't wanna see your basement! 331 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,110 MICHELLE: Yes, you do! 332 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,033 And by the way, Claire works for me. 333 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,202 CLAIRE: Actually, Michelle, 334 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,197 I can't work for you anymore. I got a new job. 335 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,043 I just came to tell you as a courtesy. 336 00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:54,201 I would think a courtesy would be 337 00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:56,538 you sticking with me through my tough times, Claire. 338 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,712 I would. You know I have a kid to think about, so... 339 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,172 You have a kid? 340 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:04,014 I can't tell if you're joking because I did tell you 341 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,047 - that I do have a kid. And I... - I am. 342 00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:07,091 - Remember? - Yes. 343 00:16:07,176 --> 00:16:09,546 - You do? - I am. I'm joking. I gotcha. 344 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:10,885 - Okay. - Zinger. 345 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:17,390 MICHELLE: Hello, gal. I wasn't into you but I was flattered. 346 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,559 Okay, here we go. Tom, do you mind grabbing that bag for me? 347 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,981 Kimberly, I thought you had today off. 348 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,106 Yeah, I knew you were leaving. 349 00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:26,403 - You're sweet, Kimberly. - (CHUCKLES) 350 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,145 Now, you're gonna remember what I told you? 351 00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:29,238 - Yes. - Okay? 352 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,701 Stocks are gonna go up and down. 353 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,451 The big money's in the long game. 354 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,913 - Thank you so much, Michelle. - Thank you, Tom. You're so sweet. 355 00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:37,413 - We're actually gonna miss you around here. - (SIGHS) 356 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:40,246 Well, I would hope so! It sounds right to me. 357 00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:42,504 All right, give me my freedom. 358 00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:43,628 (BELL RINGING) 359 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,432 Yep, the air is sweeter out here. 360 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,636 Did you set up a ride? 361 00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:59,845 No, I was assuming that a town car or something would be provided. 362 00:16:59,937 --> 00:17:01,557 KIMBERLY: Lock it up, Danny. 363 00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:02,615 (LAUGHING) 364 00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:04,942 You know, she thought a town car was coming! 365 00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,570 Well, could you call a cab? 366 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:11,781 I'll get one myself. 367 00:17:16,537 --> 00:17:20,166 MICHELLE: Okay, this is my house right up here. This is good. 368 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,661 (GRUNTS) 369 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:03,794 (SIGHS) 370 00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:15,637 Oh, come on! 371 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,597 Hey! 372 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,429 Can you please stop ringing the door? 373 00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:24,228 Hi. Does Claire Rawlings live here? 374 00:18:24,313 --> 00:18:25,363 I don't know. 375 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,070 You don't know because you're not very bright, or... 376 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:31,488 - I'm not supposed to talk to strangers. - (MICHELLE CHUCKLES) 377 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,605 You know what? Are you Claire's daughter? 378 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,487 I thought you were in jail. 379 00:18:36,325 --> 00:18:40,505 Aren't you charming for yelling that out on the street like that. 380 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,539 May I? 381 00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:43,712 No way. 382 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,375 MICHELLE: Why not? 383 00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:48,378 Because Mom's at work and you're fresh out of prison. 384 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:52,048 Okay, white-collar crime doesn't count! 385 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,511 Yes, it does! 386 00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,720 No, it does not. It does not. 387 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,150 - Hi. - Hi. 388 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:09,856 (SNORTS) 389 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,569 Whoa. 390 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,988 Claire. Wow. 391 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,195 Hi, Dana. 392 00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:18,278 My goodness, you are so late. 393 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:19,366 I am? 394 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,656 You're right. You're absolutely right, Dana. 395 00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:24,455 I'm three minutes late. 396 00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:27,250 Hey, do you work at the excuse factory? 397 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,417 I wasn't making an excuse. I was just agreeing that I was a little... 398 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,923 Well, I think that you're saying 399 00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:34,094 this is an excuse factory, right? 400 00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:35,592 Hey! Yo, Dana! Hey, hey, hey. 401 00:19:35,634 --> 00:19:37,223 MIKE: So, hey, I wanted to tell you. 402 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,141 There is a bunch of people gathered in the break room... 403 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,221 What, why? 404 00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:42,023 ...just raving about your fourth-quarter review. 405 00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,308 Who is? What? 406 00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:44,769 That's why I was late. 407 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:48,609 Because we were all up there, you know, trading our favorite Dana stories. 408 00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:50,479 So it was... It's positive... 409 00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:51,935 It's good buzz? There's a lot of good buzz? 410 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,775 Buzzworthy. Absolutely, yeah. I mean, they're raving. 411 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,949 - I have to go get coffee. - Yeah, you do. (CHUCKLING) 412 00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:58,105 - She's a nightmare. She's a tool. - (SIGHS) 413 00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,617 She's so many things. 414 00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,617 She is definitely a lot of things. 415 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:02,912 Uh... (CHUCKLING) 416 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,577 Look at this, look at this! We have so much in common, me and you. 417 00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:06,961 We have a good banter here, right? 418 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,039 A little back and forth. 419 00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:09,585 I think maybe we should 420 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,536 try and keep this little banter wagon going, right? 421 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:12,798 Maybe we can go hang out... 422 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:16,337 We can dish about the boss, and gossip about stuff and... 423 00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:18,763 You know, probably do it over dinner or something, 424 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,801 'cause all that dishing can be exhausting. 425 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,347 Work up an appetite. 426 00:20:22,431 --> 00:20:25,310 Yeah, well, I'm... First of all, I'm flattered. 427 00:20:25,726 --> 00:20:26,976 It's a little complicated for me. 428 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:30,059 I'm a single mom and I really try to, you know, 429 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,146 devote a ton of energy to my kid, 430 00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:33,320 and see her as much as possible. 431 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,400 I just don't think that it's a good time. 432 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,026 Yeah, cool. 433 00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:39,663 I was hoping you would say that 434 00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:41,827 because I love rejection, so... (CHUCKLING) 435 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,412 - Cool. - Cool. 436 00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:44,542 Sorry. 437 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,681 - (SNORING) - Michelle. 438 00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:06,596 - Michelle. - (GASPS) 439 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,229 - MICHELLE: Hello. - Hi! 440 00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:14,016 Hi. Hello, Claire. 441 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,530 Surprise! 442 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,189 What are you doing here? 443 00:21:17,361 --> 00:21:20,320 Oh, well, I had stopped at our old office 444 00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:23,034 and the security gentlemen did mention 445 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:26,365 that you were now the curator of my estate. 446 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:30,002 So, I just thought I should pop over 447 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,829 and maybe pick up my things. 448 00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:35,749 Okay, I guess you wanna come up and grab it. 449 00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:37,877 - Yes, absolutely. - Do you need... 450 00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:40,878 If you'd like, you can grab that trunk. 451 00:21:40,968 --> 00:21:41,968 Oh, no. 452 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:43,721 (CLEARS THROAT) 453 00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,268 Well, this is just... 454 00:21:50,519 --> 00:21:51,519 This is... 455 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,770 This can't be all of it. 456 00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:55,685 I mean, this isn't all of it. This is... 457 00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,073 Where are my things? 458 00:21:58,568 --> 00:22:02,318 My paintings, or, I mean, my Degas, my rugs, my... 459 00:22:02,823 --> 00:22:05,583 - Where are my things? - I'm really sorry, Michelle. 460 00:22:05,616 --> 00:22:07,366 They seized everything. 461 00:22:07,411 --> 00:22:08,701 This is what's left. 462 00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:16,959 (SIGHS) 463 00:22:18,255 --> 00:22:20,924 Martha Stewart got everything back. 464 00:22:21,008 --> 00:22:23,587 I mean, they rallied around her. They loved her more. 465 00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:27,426 Well, Michelle, know that Rachel and I are rooting for you, 466 00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:30,564 and, if you need us, you can always call 467 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:33,733 or send a letter here, or just a quick text. 468 00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:35,773 Um, do you want me to help you out with this? 469 00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:40,148 If she doesn't have anywhere to go, she should stay here. 470 00:22:40,234 --> 00:22:43,775 Honey, she knows plenty of people. She has plenty of places to stay. 471 00:22:44,323 --> 00:22:46,492 Tito won't return any of my calls. 472 00:22:47,034 --> 00:22:48,453 My sweet Tito. 473 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:50,909 Fucking Tito. 474 00:22:51,121 --> 00:22:52,161 (SIGHS) 475 00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:54,616 Mom, we can't let her sleep on the street. 476 00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:56,917 Do you really not have anywhere to go? 477 00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:58,999 No. I don't. 478 00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:00,957 Okay, you can stay here. 479 00:23:01,339 --> 00:23:03,799 But for a very limited amount of time. Okay? 480 00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:05,301 - Yes. - Just until you get back on your feet. 481 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,384 - All right? - MICHELLE: Yes. 482 00:23:06,470 --> 00:23:07,890 CLAIRE: It's a small space. You know. 483 00:23:07,971 --> 00:23:09,891 It's tight sometimes for Rachel and I, so... 484 00:23:09,972 --> 00:23:12,893 It is really small, it's like... It's freaky small. 485 00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:15,185 Well, but you're welcome, here. 486 00:23:15,269 --> 00:23:17,980 If you need to crash, you can have the couch. 487 00:23:18,065 --> 00:23:19,984 - Yes. We'll draw straws. - Okay. 488 00:23:20,067 --> 00:23:22,146 It'll be a fun kind of roommate... 489 00:23:22,236 --> 00:23:23,276 It's not a negotiation. 490 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:24,492 ...stuff. Okay. 491 00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:27,405 Ha. 492 00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:30,788 A bed inside a sofa. That's neat. 493 00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:33,326 Well, it's old, but it's comfortable, so... 494 00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:35,116 Thank you, Claire. 495 00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:36,711 Good night, Michelle. 496 00:23:41,755 --> 00:23:42,795 It's... 497 00:23:44,633 --> 00:23:45,682 Well... 498 00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:49,177 This isn't so... 499 00:23:49,221 --> 00:23:50,221 (YELPING) 500 00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:53,104 (GROANING) Oh, my God! Oh, God! 501 00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:00,227 Claire! 502 00:24:01,441 --> 00:24:04,030 I think I've shattered my pelvis. 503 00:24:14,621 --> 00:24:15,621 (SOFT GROAN) 504 00:24:16,623 --> 00:24:18,673 (GASPS) Oh, Michelle! Oh, my God. 505 00:24:18,709 --> 00:24:19,788 Claire! 506 00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:22,666 Michelle, why are you in my bed? 507 00:24:22,712 --> 00:24:24,883 Because your sofa threw me against a wall, 508 00:24:25,007 --> 00:24:27,176 and I've had a cellie for the last six months. 509 00:24:27,217 --> 00:24:30,047 I find it very difficult to sleep on my own. 510 00:24:30,761 --> 00:24:32,392 Wow. Okay. You're kicking up a lot of... 511 00:24:32,431 --> 00:24:34,060 Is that from... Is that me? 512 00:24:34,141 --> 00:24:35,141 - I think... - (BLOWS) 513 00:24:35,224 --> 00:24:36,805 Yeah, that's me. 514 00:24:36,894 --> 00:24:38,403 You know what? I got into 515 00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:40,147 a wee bit of your Scotch last night. 516 00:24:40,230 --> 00:24:42,230 And, you know what else I tried 517 00:24:42,356 --> 00:24:44,396 that I thought was terrific, was a Dorito. 518 00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:46,028 I think it was the cheese. 519 00:24:46,068 --> 00:24:49,659 I mean not a cheese found in nature, but cheese-adjacent. 520 00:24:49,740 --> 00:24:52,240 I just thought it was wonderful. 521 00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:53,703 What a wonderful chip. 522 00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:57,910 (SIGHS) Michelle, you can't sleep in my bed. I don't want you in here. 523 00:24:57,998 --> 00:24:59,458 You gotta get it together, Michelle. 524 00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:01,250 I am together, okay? 525 00:25:01,335 --> 00:25:04,134 This morning, I'm meeting with a bunch of old colleagues. 526 00:25:04,212 --> 00:25:07,303 I'm gonna pour this into something creamy and delicious, 527 00:25:07,382 --> 00:25:09,051 and see who takes a big sip. 528 00:25:09,092 --> 00:25:10,471 Get out, out of my bed. 529 00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:14,892 God. I see why this half of the bed maybe is empty. 530 00:25:14,932 --> 00:25:17,731 Okay? You're a real B-I-T-C-U-N-T in the morning. 531 00:25:17,768 --> 00:25:19,557 You think about that. 532 00:25:21,771 --> 00:25:23,481 Michelle, you gotta get out of the bathroom. 533 00:25:23,565 --> 00:25:26,605 I'm already late for work and Rachel's gonna be late for school. 534 00:25:26,652 --> 00:25:28,192 MICHELLE: Well, I'm going as fast as I can. 535 00:25:28,278 --> 00:25:29,607 You're welcome to come in. 536 00:25:30,196 --> 00:25:32,737 Fine, but we gotta get on a schedule if you're gonna be here... 537 00:25:32,782 --> 00:25:33,992 (GASPS) Oh, my God! 538 00:25:34,742 --> 00:25:35,833 Close your robe. 539 00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:37,083 No, absolutely not! 540 00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:40,211 I'm self-tanning and my legs are still wet. 541 00:25:40,624 --> 00:25:42,384 I can see your vagina. 542 00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:44,999 Well, congratulations and you're welcome! 543 00:25:45,086 --> 00:25:47,457 You know, I had it rejuvenated in 2010. 544 00:25:47,548 --> 00:25:49,417 They call it a vaguvenation! 545 00:25:49,967 --> 00:25:52,636 You know, it's like a soft silk coin purse. 546 00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:54,298 I can barely urinate. 547 00:25:54,387 --> 00:25:55,468 Oh, my God! 548 00:25:55,556 --> 00:25:56,635 Now, do me a favor 549 00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:58,982 and tell me if I have any streaks on my hamstrings. 550 00:25:59,017 --> 00:26:00,186 (GASPS) Oh, God! Put it away! 551 00:26:00,394 --> 00:26:01,523 - Whoa. - Put it away. 552 00:26:02,061 --> 00:26:03,771 Hi, Raquel! 553 00:26:03,814 --> 00:26:04,943 It's Rachel! 554 00:26:04,981 --> 00:26:06,071 Go grab your backpack, honey. 555 00:26:06,148 --> 00:26:08,528 We don't need to brush our teeth today. Our teeth are fine. 556 00:26:09,318 --> 00:26:12,318 You need to wipe some of that off your face. You know it dries darker? 557 00:26:12,405 --> 00:26:13,986 - No, does it? - CLAIRE: Yes. 558 00:26:14,074 --> 00:26:15,913 But that's not what the bottle says. 559 00:26:17,286 --> 00:26:20,655 Oh, it's okay. It's coming off like a dream on your towel. 560 00:26:20,705 --> 00:26:21,865 CLAIRE: You need to clean up the bathroom. 561 00:26:22,374 --> 00:26:25,923 And consider staying away from self-tanner altogether. 562 00:26:26,002 --> 00:26:28,883 Your pelvic region is the color of curry. 563 00:26:30,173 --> 00:26:32,094 (WHISPERING) Namaste, Claire. Thank you. 564 00:26:32,175 --> 00:26:33,336 It's not a compliment. 565 00:26:33,468 --> 00:26:34,468 Oh. 566 00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:36,261 (MOANING) 567 00:26:39,473 --> 00:26:41,394 BRYCE: All right, here's a little joke for everybody. 568 00:26:41,476 --> 00:26:44,435 What do golfers do on their day off? 569 00:26:45,189 --> 00:26:46,189 Putter around. 570 00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:47,976 (ALL LAUGHING) 571 00:26:51,737 --> 00:26:53,606 Tom, I'm gonna crunch those numbers for you, 572 00:26:53,697 --> 00:26:55,567 but I'm going to make you pay through the teeth. 573 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,451 Oh. 574 00:26:57,534 --> 00:26:58,743 Bryce Crean! 575 00:26:58,826 --> 00:27:01,866 Oh, my God! How long has it been? 576 00:27:02,205 --> 00:27:04,865 You old son of a bitch! It has been too long! 577 00:27:04,916 --> 00:27:07,126 Terri. Hello, gentlemen. Hi... 578 00:27:07,711 --> 00:27:08,750 Carl. 579 00:27:08,961 --> 00:27:10,461 Oh. Look at that beard. 580 00:27:10,547 --> 00:27:12,967 How's that old ball-and-chain Pam treatin' ya? (CHUCKLING) 581 00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:15,719 Pam passed away four months ago. 582 00:27:17,054 --> 00:27:19,894 (SOFTLY) That's tough. That's tough. 583 00:27:19,972 --> 00:27:21,732 We're kind of in the middle of something here, Michelle. 584 00:27:21,807 --> 00:27:23,057 So, thank you very much. 585 00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:27,555 Word on the street, Bryce, is that you're just about to close on that Kraft deal. 586 00:27:27,647 --> 00:27:30,188 So if you want me to head up that division... 587 00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:34,243 I think I could be a pretty big asset to you on that account. 588 00:27:34,863 --> 00:27:37,573 You've got no capital and nobody likes you. 589 00:27:37,615 --> 00:27:39,405 Nobody here at this table likes you. 590 00:27:39,492 --> 00:27:42,083 - Nobody at this entire club likes you. - (WHISPERING) That's not true. 591 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,160 Horrible, horrible feedback from everybody. 592 00:27:44,498 --> 00:27:47,748 So, thank you for the groveling. Good bye! 593 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:51,170 Fuck off, Bryce. 594 00:27:51,505 --> 00:27:53,015 Yeah. You know what? 595 00:27:53,632 --> 00:27:54,922 You wouldn't even be here 596 00:27:55,008 --> 00:27:57,218 if I hadn't brought you in as a junior executive. 597 00:27:57,260 --> 00:27:59,931 And, Terri, you think anybody else would've hired you right out of college? 598 00:27:59,971 --> 00:28:01,852 No! I don't who the fuck you three are. 599 00:28:01,932 --> 00:28:02,932 But I'll guess this. 600 00:28:03,016 --> 00:28:05,096 I bet you got here climbing on my back somehow. 601 00:28:05,143 --> 00:28:07,103 Carl, I gave you that Landis account. 602 00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:11,436 I handed you your career and I'm the one that made Pam a sales rep! 603 00:28:11,482 --> 00:28:12,613 Pam is dead. 604 00:28:12,692 --> 00:28:14,113 Pam was a whore! 605 00:28:14,193 --> 00:28:16,784 She fucked her way through the whole IT department. 606 00:28:16,864 --> 00:28:18,993 And Terri knows it, 'cause you were in on it, too! 607 00:28:19,324 --> 00:28:20,784 MICHELLE: Yeah! CARL: The tech guys? 608 00:28:20,867 --> 00:28:22,407 You think Pam did all the tech guys? 609 00:28:22,451 --> 00:28:26,082 The lowest, weirdest, saddest guys! 610 00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:27,463 That's who Pam fucked! 611 00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,040 Go to hell, Michelle! Go to hell! 612 00:28:29,125 --> 00:28:31,955 When I get to hell, I'll tell Pam that you said hello, 613 00:28:32,003 --> 00:28:34,134 'cause she's probably down there fucking IT guys. 614 00:28:34,173 --> 00:28:38,472 Weird little guys, carrying wires around in weird hats. 615 00:28:38,509 --> 00:28:40,049 That's who she's fucking in hell. 616 00:28:40,136 --> 00:28:41,136 Yeah. 617 00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:42,597 I don't need you. 618 00:28:42,638 --> 00:28:45,308 I don't need you and you're gonna be sorry. 619 00:28:45,349 --> 00:28:48,400 'Cause I got a sweet deal for you and you're letting it walk out. 620 00:28:48,478 --> 00:28:50,978 You know, you want to be dumbasses? Be my guest. 621 00:28:51,022 --> 00:28:53,192 I'll tell you what, you're gonna regret this. 622 00:28:53,733 --> 00:28:54,864 Yow! 623 00:28:54,984 --> 00:28:56,325 (GROANING) 624 00:28:56,653 --> 00:28:58,702 Yow! Son of a bitch! 625 00:29:00,656 --> 00:29:02,326 - Holy shit! - Son of a bitch! 626 00:29:02,409 --> 00:29:03,828 How'd she survive that? 627 00:29:03,911 --> 00:29:05,580 BRYCE: 'Cause she's horrible. 628 00:29:05,662 --> 00:29:06,751 Let's go. 629 00:29:06,829 --> 00:29:08,329 MICHELLE: Mother of shite! 630 00:29:09,833 --> 00:29:11,292 I dinged my pelvis again. 631 00:29:18,467 --> 00:29:19,467 Ah. 632 00:29:20,051 --> 00:29:21,092 (EXHALES) 633 00:29:21,178 --> 00:29:22,597 - Tell me everything. - Okay. 634 00:29:22,679 --> 00:29:26,929 So, right off the top, Bryce ordered a Nicoise salad 635 00:29:27,017 --> 00:29:29,436 but he asked for the tuna to be really well done. 636 00:29:29,519 --> 00:29:31,859 But if it's a quality piece of tuna, you don't wanna have it... 637 00:29:31,896 --> 00:29:33,856 - Not relevant. - Okay, right. 638 00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:37,403 Bryce did everything you asked him to do. 639 00:29:37,486 --> 00:29:38,605 Michelle came in. She was like, 640 00:29:38,694 --> 00:29:39,815 "I wanna be in a business." 641 00:29:39,863 --> 00:29:41,492 And he was like, "No dice." 642 00:29:41,531 --> 00:29:44,201 And then, she fell down a flight of stairs. 643 00:29:44,242 --> 00:29:46,333 (GASPS) Did she hurt her wonderful body? 644 00:29:46,369 --> 00:29:48,250 I have a video of it. Do you wanna see? 645 00:29:50,540 --> 00:29:51,540 MICHELLE: I'll tell you what. 646 00:29:51,959 --> 00:29:53,128 - Oh, look at her. - STEPHAN: Mmm-hmm. 647 00:29:53,961 --> 00:29:55,090 Oh. (LAUGHING) 648 00:29:55,711 --> 00:29:57,011 (BOTH LAUGHING) 649 00:29:58,798 --> 00:30:00,298 Oh. 650 00:30:02,385 --> 00:30:04,006 DR. OZ: So you see the normal intestine. 651 00:30:04,387 --> 00:30:07,518 Now, notice the difference between that intestine and this intestine. 652 00:30:07,557 --> 00:30:10,728 I'm getting light-headed. Is there any of that brownie left? 653 00:30:10,769 --> 00:30:12,648 - Yeah. - I feel like my blood sugar's dropping. 654 00:30:12,729 --> 00:30:15,689 I should probably pop it with a little sugar. 655 00:30:17,442 --> 00:30:20,741 Holy shit! That is a good brownie. 656 00:30:20,778 --> 00:30:21,778 Language. 657 00:30:21,864 --> 00:30:23,743 Well, I'm sorry, you give me a holy-shit brownie. 658 00:30:23,781 --> 00:30:24,991 I'm gonna say, "Holy shit!" 659 00:30:25,075 --> 00:30:28,994 'Cause holy shit, this is a good brownie. 660 00:30:29,078 --> 00:30:31,409 I can't believe... Your mom makes these, right? 661 00:30:31,455 --> 00:30:33,375 Yeah, it's a family recipe. 662 00:30:33,750 --> 00:30:34,829 Hi! 663 00:30:36,627 --> 00:30:39,508 I'm pretty sure Michelle has diverticulitis. 664 00:30:39,589 --> 00:30:40,920 - What? - MICHELLE: I got it. 665 00:30:41,758 --> 00:30:43,587 I think it's pretty advanced, Claire. 666 00:30:43,634 --> 00:30:44,924 CLAIRE: Who said that? 667 00:30:44,970 --> 00:30:46,009 Doctor Oz. 668 00:30:46,096 --> 00:30:47,256 MICHELLE: Look. 669 00:30:47,388 --> 00:30:48,558 Oh, my God! 670 00:30:48,598 --> 00:30:50,229 There's my colon again. 671 00:30:50,267 --> 00:30:53,096 Okay, you need to get off the couch 672 00:30:53,144 --> 00:30:55,525 because you've been laying down for about three weeks. 673 00:30:55,605 --> 00:30:58,066 And, also, you have to start pulling your weight around here. 674 00:30:58,107 --> 00:30:59,278 We can start tonight. 675 00:30:59,317 --> 00:31:01,438 You can take Rachel to her Dandelions meeting. 676 00:31:01,528 --> 00:31:03,448 - What? - Why aren't you taking me? 677 00:31:03,529 --> 00:31:04,529 Sweetie, I can't. 678 00:31:04,615 --> 00:31:08,875 My boss, who is a massive fan of yours, by the way, 679 00:31:08,951 --> 00:31:11,201 has decided I need to go back in for the evening. 680 00:31:11,288 --> 00:31:12,288 CLAIRE: Okay? (CLAPS HANDS) 681 00:31:12,372 --> 00:31:16,291 Let's go! The most important part of the plan being "get off the couch." 682 00:31:18,878 --> 00:31:21,459 I don't think I like sassy Claire. 683 00:31:23,634 --> 00:31:26,394 MICHELLE: All right. I want you to give me the lowdown on this meeting. 684 00:31:26,470 --> 00:31:28,559 What are my opportunities? What are my pitfalls? 685 00:31:28,638 --> 00:31:29,929 RACHEL: What do you mean? 686 00:31:30,015 --> 00:31:32,224 MICHELLE: Well, I want to know what I'm walking into. 687 00:31:32,392 --> 00:31:34,352 RACHEL: Oh, everyone's pretty nice. 688 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:40,280 I forgot how many people ride the "L." It's kind of fascinating. 689 00:31:40,317 --> 00:31:44,237 Some people depend on this. Like, they don't have a car. 690 00:31:44,904 --> 00:31:45,954 Well, I know that. 691 00:31:47,365 --> 00:31:49,326 MICHELLE: Roller-skating or roller-blading? 692 00:31:50,243 --> 00:31:51,334 Roller-blading. 693 00:31:51,369 --> 00:31:53,079 Honey or agave nectar? 694 00:31:53,163 --> 00:31:54,833 - Agave. - No, they're both terrible. 695 00:31:55,249 --> 00:31:57,169 Cell phone, landline? 696 00:31:57,209 --> 00:31:59,419 - What? - Oh, God. 697 00:31:59,877 --> 00:32:01,587 Do you not know what that means? 698 00:32:01,672 --> 00:32:03,632 - No. - (SIGHS) Oh, Jesus. 699 00:32:04,258 --> 00:32:06,508 MICHELLE: Okay, this should be interesting. 700 00:32:07,845 --> 00:32:11,224 Ladies, big news. Great news. 701 00:32:12,015 --> 00:32:16,224 Marsha Swan's tabby cat, Spaghetti, is on the mend 702 00:32:16,310 --> 00:32:19,520 and expected to make a full recovery. 703 00:32:19,565 --> 00:32:20,825 Yay, Spaghetti! 704 00:32:23,402 --> 00:32:24,531 Yay! 705 00:32:25,945 --> 00:32:28,776 My daughter, Beth, was so worried about Spaghetti. 706 00:32:28,865 --> 00:32:30,826 Thank goodness she's back on her feet. 707 00:32:30,867 --> 00:32:33,867 Funny fact about Spaghetti, she hates spaghetti. 708 00:32:34,371 --> 00:32:36,211 You seem fucking crazy to me. 709 00:32:36,289 --> 00:32:37,289 Excuse me? 710 00:32:37,374 --> 00:32:38,963 - Cute as a daisy to me. - (GIGGLING) 711 00:32:39,792 --> 00:32:42,002 SANDY: Okay, now, not to sound too kookie, 712 00:32:42,045 --> 00:32:44,875 but let's talk "cookie" sales, that is. 713 00:32:45,048 --> 00:32:46,258 (ALL LAUGHING) 714 00:32:48,218 --> 00:32:52,468 Okay, so this year, we came in with $21,000. 715 00:32:52,722 --> 00:32:54,563 Pretty good job, big bucks. 716 00:32:54,599 --> 00:33:00,400 But Detroit is still in the lead for the year with $189,000. 717 00:33:00,855 --> 00:33:02,516 Can I just ask you, are these numbers 718 00:33:02,648 --> 00:33:04,318 you're talking about just cookie sales? 719 00:33:04,401 --> 00:33:07,361 And, if so, how many troupes are we talking about here? 720 00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:13,080 There are 3.2 million Dandelions all over the world 721 00:33:13,117 --> 00:33:16,198 blown across the earth, making a difference. 722 00:33:16,246 --> 00:33:17,405 Is this global? 723 00:33:17,873 --> 00:33:21,212 Wait, I recognize you. You're Michelle Darnell. 724 00:33:21,250 --> 00:33:23,040 Please, don't make a fuss. 725 00:33:23,086 --> 00:33:24,586 Oh, I'm gonna make a fuss. 726 00:33:24,630 --> 00:33:27,470 You're a convicted felon sitting in a room full of children. 727 00:33:27,548 --> 00:33:28,759 You're a criminal. 728 00:33:28,842 --> 00:33:30,221 It was white-collar crime. 729 00:33:30,259 --> 00:33:31,930 Okay, you don't have to defend me. 730 00:33:31,970 --> 00:33:33,259 You're such a loser. 731 00:33:33,721 --> 00:33:35,352 I'm sorry, what did he say? 732 00:33:35,723 --> 00:33:36,773 What? 733 00:33:36,807 --> 00:33:38,057 - SANDY: Well, I would... - (WHISPERING) Yeah. 734 00:33:38,101 --> 00:33:39,691 Excuse me. Hi. 735 00:33:39,769 --> 00:33:40,900 MICHELLE: I gotta ask you. 736 00:33:40,938 --> 00:33:44,688 Now are we talking part-time or full-time employees here? 737 00:33:44,775 --> 00:33:47,694 Nope, just happy volunteers. 738 00:33:47,778 --> 00:33:48,778 What? 739 00:33:48,862 --> 00:33:50,701 For your information, jailbird... 740 00:33:51,198 --> 00:33:52,528 She seems great. 741 00:33:52,615 --> 00:33:54,945 The Dandelions helps girls build leadership skills. 742 00:33:54,992 --> 00:33:56,833 It looks good on their high-school transcript 743 00:33:56,912 --> 00:33:58,461 and they are bettering their community, 744 00:33:58,579 --> 00:34:00,079 which is more than I can say for you. 745 00:34:00,164 --> 00:34:02,244 A-ha. What is your name? 746 00:34:02,291 --> 00:34:03,541 Helen Kreagan. 747 00:34:03,626 --> 00:34:06,297 Oh, you know what? I think you dropped something right here. 748 00:34:06,337 --> 00:34:07,958 - You go fuck yourself. - Go fuck yourself. 749 00:34:08,465 --> 00:34:09,585 (WHISPERING) Go fuck yourself. 750 00:34:09,967 --> 00:34:11,626 I don't think you know who you're talking to. 751 00:34:11,677 --> 00:34:14,217 I think I do. And I think I want you to fuck off. 752 00:34:14,304 --> 00:34:15,353 I don't think you do. 753 00:34:16,306 --> 00:34:17,306 (LAUGHING) 754 00:34:17,391 --> 00:34:18,391 Oh, my gosh! 755 00:34:19,684 --> 00:34:22,985 Can we just take a minute and give congrats to Sarah, here? 756 00:34:24,606 --> 00:34:27,606 Thank you. It's Sandy. It's Sandy. 757 00:34:27,650 --> 00:34:29,320 - Or Sandy. - I like Sarah. 758 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:30,740 Whatever, either one. 759 00:34:30,820 --> 00:34:33,990 I gotta know how much are you selling these boxes for? 760 00:34:34,449 --> 00:34:36,789 SANDY: Girls. GROUP: $7. 761 00:34:36,827 --> 00:34:37,987 MICHELLE: $7? 762 00:34:38,494 --> 00:34:39,784 Ka-ching, right? 763 00:34:39,829 --> 00:34:43,829 I got a guy in Shanghai who can make this same box of cookies, 19 cents. 764 00:34:43,916 --> 00:34:46,246 This is an official meeting and you're interrupting it. 765 00:34:46,335 --> 00:34:47,956 Let's take a poll, show of hands. 766 00:34:48,088 --> 00:34:49,708 Who finds Helen to be a bummer? 767 00:34:51,632 --> 00:34:53,682 MICHELLE: Lots of hands. Oh, Helen. 768 00:34:53,927 --> 00:34:55,467 Toot. (CHUCKLING) 769 00:34:55,554 --> 00:34:56,554 (CLEARS THROAT) 770 00:34:57,014 --> 00:34:58,684 Do something, Mom. 771 00:34:59,266 --> 00:35:01,885 I object to parolees attending our meetings 772 00:35:01,976 --> 00:35:03,396 and I'd like to put that in the minutes. 773 00:35:03,853 --> 00:35:05,023 May I? 774 00:35:05,105 --> 00:35:06,605 Let me just handle this. 775 00:35:06,690 --> 00:35:08,690 Another great point by Helen. 776 00:35:08,775 --> 00:35:09,934 You know what, Helen? 777 00:35:10,027 --> 00:35:11,527 If you don't get off my fucking back, 778 00:35:11,612 --> 00:35:14,822 I'm gonna shove a box of chocolate clusters up that tight ass of yours. 779 00:35:15,032 --> 00:35:16,202 (GASPING) 780 00:35:16,282 --> 00:35:17,282 (GASPING) Oh. 781 00:35:17,742 --> 00:35:19,373 I would love to go to lunch. 782 00:35:19,411 --> 00:35:23,501 You're on. You got yourself a date. That sounds terrific, okay? 783 00:35:23,706 --> 00:35:25,577 MICHELLE: Sandy, I love that kerchief. 784 00:35:25,666 --> 00:35:26,666 (SOFTLY) Was that necessary? 785 00:35:26,751 --> 00:35:28,251 - Super necessary. - Yeah. 786 00:35:35,219 --> 00:35:36,759 (METAL RATTLING) 787 00:35:37,429 --> 00:35:38,759 (MICHELLE CHATTERING) 788 00:35:43,393 --> 00:35:44,733 CLAIRE: Michelle? 789 00:35:45,103 --> 00:35:46,233 - Hi! - What are you doing? 790 00:35:46,313 --> 00:35:47,563 What is all this? 791 00:35:47,606 --> 00:35:49,146 This is my way back, m'kay? 792 00:35:49,233 --> 00:35:51,612 You are looking at Darnell 2.0. 793 00:35:51,693 --> 00:35:53,362 I wondered when you were getting up. 794 00:35:53,570 --> 00:35:55,239 Have you not gone to bed yet? 795 00:35:55,322 --> 00:35:57,072 No, I have been up and percolating 796 00:35:57,157 --> 00:35:58,987 since 11:00 p.m. last night. 797 00:35:59,076 --> 00:36:01,036 - Just great stuff, Claire! - Okay. 798 00:36:01,077 --> 00:36:02,248 You're having a breakdown. 799 00:36:02,286 --> 00:36:05,786 No, no, no! I'm having a breakthrough, because of you. 800 00:36:05,873 --> 00:36:07,673 Sit down, I gotta show you this. 801 00:36:07,751 --> 00:36:12,260 Let me introduce you to my new golden goose... 802 00:36:14,090 --> 00:36:16,431 Darnell's Darlings. 803 00:36:16,510 --> 00:36:17,679 Rough sketches. 804 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,300 So, I know. Those will be perfected. 805 00:36:19,387 --> 00:36:21,927 But, really, tell me, what's your initial thoughts? 806 00:36:23,432 --> 00:36:25,193 - Stalin. - Okay. 807 00:36:25,268 --> 00:36:27,018 - Communist youth. - All right! 808 00:36:27,436 --> 00:36:30,106 Japanese-y black power? 809 00:36:30,190 --> 00:36:32,730 My takeaway from that is "powerful." 810 00:36:33,110 --> 00:36:35,739 Powerful imagery and I'll take that any day of the week. 811 00:36:36,947 --> 00:36:37,987 Why are you up? 812 00:36:38,114 --> 00:36:40,414 Sit down, sleepyhead. Let's wake it up. 813 00:36:41,702 --> 00:36:43,911 Claire, we're gonna start a brownie company. 814 00:36:43,954 --> 00:36:46,753 No, we're gonna start a brownie empire. 815 00:36:46,789 --> 00:36:49,329 Okay? And we're gonna call it Darnell's Darlings. 816 00:36:49,793 --> 00:36:52,842 Illinois alone has 25,000 Dandelions. 817 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:57,800 They're pulling in, in one year, $32,500,000. 818 00:36:58,135 --> 00:37:00,014 This is a global company. 819 00:37:00,094 --> 00:37:02,635 The Dandelions are making a billion dollars a year. 820 00:37:03,014 --> 00:37:06,144 Is that going in your pocket? Helen's probably pocketing it. 821 00:37:06,226 --> 00:37:10,056 I mean, that horrible bitch would take teeth right out of a kid. Am I wrong? 822 00:37:10,313 --> 00:37:13,653 If she could sell teeth, she'd rip kids' teeth out. 823 00:37:14,233 --> 00:37:16,744 I'm gonna let it go, but Helen's horrible. 824 00:37:16,820 --> 00:37:18,699 The Dandelions are a non-profit, Michelle. 825 00:37:18,780 --> 00:37:20,909 That money goes back into great programs for the girls. 826 00:37:20,990 --> 00:37:22,831 MICHELLE: Oh, great programs? That's interesting. 827 00:37:22,909 --> 00:37:24,989 Rachel, do me a favor. 828 00:37:25,036 --> 00:37:28,536 Tell your mom what was the last "great program" you completed. 829 00:37:28,748 --> 00:37:30,329 Go ahead, go ahead. 830 00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:33,496 Scout leader Sandy gave me a "Social Butterfly" badge. 831 00:37:33,545 --> 00:37:34,744 That's great! 832 00:37:35,088 --> 00:37:37,297 Tell her what a "Social Butterfly" badge is. 833 00:37:37,340 --> 00:37:41,851 I had to hold a conversation with a new person for 30 minutes... 834 00:37:42,304 --> 00:37:43,514 - Okay. - ...and demonstrate 835 00:37:43,554 --> 00:37:45,094 how to be a good hostess. 836 00:37:45,849 --> 00:37:48,728 Next week, I'm thinking maybe they'll arrange marriages. 837 00:37:49,018 --> 00:37:50,978 I'll tell you what, I'm gonna design 838 00:37:51,103 --> 00:37:53,063 a special new badge for the Dandelions. 839 00:37:53,148 --> 00:37:56,027 It's gonna be a real big one, so no one misses it. 840 00:37:56,068 --> 00:37:57,858 And I'm gonna make it a picture of a woman. 841 00:37:57,902 --> 00:38:01,873 A real sad woman with apron strings on, bent over in front of an oven. 842 00:38:01,949 --> 00:38:05,289 And it's gonna say, "You know why we like vaginas better than your mouth? 843 00:38:05,369 --> 00:38:07,539 "Because they don't have teeth and they don't talk." 844 00:38:07,788 --> 00:38:10,168 And you could turn that badge over and you're gonna realize 845 00:38:10,206 --> 00:38:12,626 that there's a man in the oven and she's giving him a blowjob. 846 00:38:13,085 --> 00:38:14,175 Good luck earning that! 847 00:38:14,210 --> 00:38:15,380 Michelle! 848 00:38:15,628 --> 00:38:17,338 I heard everything anyways. 849 00:38:17,713 --> 00:38:19,764 These girls are gonna earn some real money 850 00:38:19,842 --> 00:38:21,681 that can go towards a college fund, 851 00:38:22,052 --> 00:38:25,722 give them empowerment, give them a good sense of self. 852 00:38:25,764 --> 00:38:27,684 I find that exciting, Claire. 853 00:38:28,141 --> 00:38:30,061 It's a nice idea, Michelle, 854 00:38:30,143 --> 00:38:33,063 but it's also a crazy one. 855 00:38:33,105 --> 00:38:35,074 Claire, I want you to listen to me. 856 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,650 You have an amazing product. 857 00:38:39,735 --> 00:38:42,485 - You make a mind-blowing brownie. - Okay. 858 00:38:42,572 --> 00:38:46,702 And I can sell anything I believe in, and I believe in your product. 859 00:38:47,077 --> 00:38:50,456 We can be partners. Not my assistant. Fifty-fifty. 860 00:38:50,789 --> 00:38:53,418 That's how much I believe in this. What do you say? 861 00:38:55,126 --> 00:38:56,876 I have to keep my job, Michelle. 862 00:38:57,003 --> 00:38:58,764 This is... It's just too risky. 863 00:38:59,547 --> 00:39:01,047 (SIGHS) Come on. 864 00:39:01,592 --> 00:39:03,592 You don't even like your job, Mom. 865 00:39:04,469 --> 00:39:06,429 Oh, that was beautiful timing. 866 00:39:06,471 --> 00:39:07,641 I didn't even set that up. 867 00:39:08,431 --> 00:39:10,601 You know what, Claire? Keep your terrible job. 868 00:39:10,641 --> 00:39:12,442 Do this on the side. 869 00:39:13,103 --> 00:39:15,813 Okay? Plus, it's gonna get me off your couch. 870 00:39:15,898 --> 00:39:16,938 I'm in. 871 00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:18,440 - You're in? - CLAIRE: Mmm-hmm. 872 00:39:18,942 --> 00:39:20,032 Let's do it, people! 873 00:39:20,110 --> 00:39:22,110 Okay, Rachel, you go get dressed. 874 00:39:22,153 --> 00:39:24,454 I'm gonna take you to school. We're gonna get some new recruits! 875 00:39:24,530 --> 00:39:26,951 (YAWNS) It's 4:00 a.m. I'm going back to bed. 876 00:39:26,992 --> 00:39:28,121 Night, sweetie. 877 00:39:28,202 --> 00:39:29,452 What? Okay, you know what? 878 00:39:29,536 --> 00:39:31,615 You get your rest, you're gonna need it! 879 00:39:31,663 --> 00:39:34,253 We gotta recruit some Darnell Darlings today! 880 00:39:34,291 --> 00:39:36,130 Claire, my quarterback, 881 00:39:36,210 --> 00:39:37,960 I need you to bust ass into that kitchen 882 00:39:38,045 --> 00:39:40,635 and start making pan after pan after pan of brownies, 883 00:39:40,713 --> 00:39:42,923 'cause that's how fast I'm gonna sell 'em, okay? 884 00:39:42,965 --> 00:39:44,795 - Right now? - Right now! All right? 885 00:39:44,885 --> 00:39:46,894 I may have tried to preheat that oven, 886 00:39:47,012 --> 00:39:49,012 so I think there's a little bit of a gas leak. 887 00:39:49,097 --> 00:39:50,467 - Huh? - If you think about it, it may be 888 00:39:50,641 --> 00:39:52,021 why you guys are feeling a little logy. 889 00:39:52,141 --> 00:39:55,311 Hey, Rach, you know what? Don't go to sleep! Don't go to sleep! 890 00:39:55,394 --> 00:39:56,394 Oh, my God! 891 00:39:57,313 --> 00:39:59,403 MICHELLE: Okay. We may have to walk her. 892 00:40:00,608 --> 00:40:01,818 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 893 00:40:02,945 --> 00:40:04,244 Ah. You know what? 894 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:07,320 It feels good to kind of put the shine and polish back on again. 895 00:40:07,990 --> 00:40:10,331 People say it doesn't matter, but it does. 896 00:40:10,369 --> 00:40:13,159 - Puts a little kick in your step. - (MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING) 897 00:40:15,581 --> 00:40:17,081 Who is that beast? 898 00:40:17,543 --> 00:40:19,592 That's Chrystal Delveccio. 899 00:40:19,670 --> 00:40:21,840 She's always getting into fist fights. 900 00:40:22,380 --> 00:40:24,340 - Later, Dad. - MICHELLE: That's perfect. 901 00:40:24,675 --> 00:40:26,684 That is exactly the kind of gal we want to recruit. 902 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:28,300 You know what? Another little tip. 903 00:40:28,344 --> 00:40:30,965 Look for girls that are named after precious stones. 904 00:40:31,014 --> 00:40:33,773 Topaz, Sapphire, Opal, Amber. 905 00:40:34,059 --> 00:40:35,228 They're all gonna spiral down. 906 00:40:35,309 --> 00:40:38,019 We want to get 'em when they're angry and fresh going in. 907 00:40:38,105 --> 00:40:40,405 Why don't you check out Chrystal's availability? 908 00:40:40,731 --> 00:40:41,731 Got it. 909 00:40:45,070 --> 00:40:47,030 My mom never lets me drink coffee. 910 00:40:47,114 --> 00:40:49,123 Really, why? 911 00:40:49,574 --> 00:40:51,164 She says it'll stunt your growth. 912 00:40:51,201 --> 00:40:52,911 That's not true. That's crazy. 913 00:40:53,244 --> 00:40:55,335 What, do you wanna be freakishly tall? 914 00:40:55,496 --> 00:40:56,867 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 915 00:40:57,623 --> 00:41:00,173 All right. Get in there, drum up some good recruits. 916 00:41:00,878 --> 00:41:02,878 (GASPS) I feel kind of sweaty and scared. 917 00:41:02,963 --> 00:41:04,842 That's just the coffee kickin' in. It's good for... 918 00:41:04,882 --> 00:41:07,722 Oh, you know what? Wait a minute, let me see something. 919 00:41:09,385 --> 00:41:10,885 Oh, I may have switched them. 920 00:41:10,929 --> 00:41:13,389 This one's yours. I put a little splash of bourbon in mine. 921 00:41:13,472 --> 00:41:14,643 That's okay. 922 00:41:15,474 --> 00:41:16,724 It's kind of a secret weapon. 923 00:41:17,268 --> 00:41:18,898 It's what makes the Irish so mean. 924 00:41:19,021 --> 00:41:20,610 And I can say that 'cause I'm Scottish! 925 00:41:21,398 --> 00:41:22,568 Go get 'em! 926 00:41:24,108 --> 00:41:27,648 SANDY: And so, due to some unforeseen complications, 927 00:41:27,737 --> 00:41:29,568 and just, um... 928 00:41:30,032 --> 00:41:31,242 Giving up... 929 00:41:31,324 --> 00:41:33,414 Spaghetti passed away last night. 930 00:41:33,492 --> 00:41:35,083 Listen up, motherfuckers! 931 00:41:35,119 --> 00:41:36,159 Michelle, language! 932 00:41:36,246 --> 00:41:37,655 Who here wants to hear about 933 00:41:37,748 --> 00:41:39,827 an un-freaking-believably exciting opportunity? 934 00:41:40,083 --> 00:41:41,083 Huh? 935 00:41:41,585 --> 00:41:43,385 All right! Woo! Look at this group! 936 00:41:44,295 --> 00:41:46,126 All right. What's with all the long faces? 937 00:41:46,215 --> 00:41:47,514 Did somebody die? (CHUCKLING) 938 00:41:47,590 --> 00:41:50,431 Yeah. Spaghetti died last night. 939 00:41:50,510 --> 00:41:51,760 Who is Spaghetti? 940 00:41:51,844 --> 00:41:53,005 The cat. 941 00:41:53,096 --> 00:41:55,096 The cat? Oh. Can I be honest? 942 00:41:55,181 --> 00:41:57,641 That cat probably killed himself because his name was "Spaghetti." 943 00:41:57,768 --> 00:41:58,768 Right? Hey-oh! 944 00:41:58,809 --> 00:41:59,940 - Michelle. - MICHELLE: Oh... 945 00:42:00,771 --> 00:42:03,231 All right, okay. Why don't you take off, Sandy? 946 00:42:03,273 --> 00:42:04,483 It's my meeting and I'm... 947 00:42:04,608 --> 00:42:05,858 Okay. 948 00:42:05,943 --> 00:42:07,443 Go catch it. Go catch it. 949 00:42:07,527 --> 00:42:08,818 Really sorry about your loss. 950 00:42:09,153 --> 00:42:11,534 MICHELLE: As you already know, my name is Michelle Darnell 951 00:42:11,614 --> 00:42:12,625 and this is my partner. 952 00:42:12,740 --> 00:42:15,911 And by "partner," I don't mean like girl-on-girl kind of stuff. 953 00:42:16,036 --> 00:42:18,286 - Whoa! - What's "girl-on-girl stuff"? 954 00:42:18,956 --> 00:42:21,166 Uh, well, great question. I love an inquisitive mind. 955 00:42:21,250 --> 00:42:23,289 Girl-on-girl stuff is really just referring to 956 00:42:23,376 --> 00:42:25,916 something you're probably gonna dabble with in college, 957 00:42:26,003 --> 00:42:27,094 but not stick with, you know? 958 00:42:27,130 --> 00:42:28,170 Let's not... Don't tell her that. 959 00:42:28,257 --> 00:42:29,336 Unless you're Hannah. 960 00:42:29,423 --> 00:42:30,764 - Hannah, you're gonna stick with it. - (GIGGLING) 961 00:42:30,842 --> 00:42:31,842 Don't... You know what? Let's... 962 00:42:31,927 --> 00:42:34,467 And I got a hunch that your mom should've stuck with it. 963 00:42:34,512 --> 00:42:36,143 She wouldn't be so pent-up and angry. 964 00:42:36,472 --> 00:42:37,472 MICHELLE: That's my hunch. 965 00:42:37,557 --> 00:42:38,637 CLAIRE: Let's change the subject. 966 00:42:38,724 --> 00:42:42,644 We brought you guys some delicious homemade brownie treats. 967 00:42:42,688 --> 00:42:45,648 Ooh. Look at this! We brought treats, everybody! Treats! 968 00:42:45,731 --> 00:42:47,442 Let me ask you one question. 969 00:42:47,483 --> 00:42:49,864 When you sell a box of cookies, what do you get? 970 00:42:49,945 --> 00:42:52,824 You get points that can apply to your canoe trip. 971 00:42:52,864 --> 00:42:55,375 Wrong, you get a big plate of bullshit! 972 00:42:55,867 --> 00:42:58,697 That is 100% right, you beautiful giant! 973 00:42:58,786 --> 00:43:01,327 Now, at Darnell's Darlings, we don't think that's right. 974 00:43:01,373 --> 00:43:03,833 We think if you go out and sell a box of cookies, 975 00:43:03,876 --> 00:43:05,376 we should give you 5% commission. 976 00:43:05,668 --> 00:43:07,708 5% commission, every box you sell. 977 00:43:07,795 --> 00:43:09,376 It was supposed to be 10%, I think. 978 00:43:09,715 --> 00:43:11,385 - That's right, we did say that. - Yeah. 979 00:43:11,465 --> 00:43:13,755 So far, you suck at this. Just letting you know that. 980 00:43:13,844 --> 00:43:15,514 Okay, it's 10%. 981 00:43:15,596 --> 00:43:18,135 You come work with us, you get a share of the profits. 982 00:43:18,681 --> 00:43:19,972 Okay. Or you can stay here! 983 00:43:20,016 --> 00:43:21,597 Be my guest and, I don't know, build some 984 00:43:21,684 --> 00:43:23,974 dirty badger nests in some kind of tree. 985 00:43:24,061 --> 00:43:25,862 Or what did you have planned, Sandy? 986 00:43:26,356 --> 00:43:29,775 Well, actually, we were gonna build a dirty badger nest in a tree. 987 00:43:30,777 --> 00:43:32,447 My God. 988 00:43:32,528 --> 00:43:34,528 My God! And I was making that up. 989 00:43:34,614 --> 00:43:38,664 I was trying to think of the worst possible scenario on Earth. 990 00:43:38,702 --> 00:43:40,411 What the hell is going on in here? 991 00:43:40,704 --> 00:43:43,043 I leave the room for one minute to talk to my landscaper 992 00:43:43,123 --> 00:43:44,623 and the meeting goes into the toilet? 993 00:43:44,875 --> 00:43:46,295 Sorry, Helen, we're almost done. 994 00:43:46,376 --> 00:43:49,206 Okay, you guys, the best part about Darnell's Darlings 995 00:43:49,295 --> 00:43:52,215 is that, for each box sold, an extra 10% 996 00:43:52,298 --> 00:43:54,429 will go into a college fund for you. Okay? 997 00:43:54,550 --> 00:43:57,471 We are gonna help you save for your college education. 998 00:43:57,554 --> 00:44:01,523 Wait, are you trying to poach girls from a Dandelions meeting? 999 00:44:01,766 --> 00:44:03,306 No! 1000 00:44:03,393 --> 00:44:06,353 Helen, we are not trying to poach girls. 1001 00:44:06,396 --> 00:44:10,476 We are actively and definitely poaching girls from this meeting. 1002 00:44:10,567 --> 00:44:11,567 HELEN: Get your hands off me. 1003 00:44:11,652 --> 00:44:13,112 - Fuck you, Helen! - You fuck you! 1004 00:44:13,945 --> 00:44:15,405 Tell your little shitty daughter, 1005 00:44:15,489 --> 00:44:17,778 never talk to Rachel like that again. 1006 00:44:17,865 --> 00:44:19,905 - Let's um, go, girls. - MICHELLE: Okay, girls! 1007 00:44:20,159 --> 00:44:22,829 Whoever wants to go to the fun room, come on with me! 1008 00:44:22,913 --> 00:44:26,583 Just down the hall. The bigger, the better room. We got foosball! 1009 00:44:26,958 --> 00:44:28,958 Okay. And I promise, no Helen! 1010 00:44:29,460 --> 00:44:31,630 - Bye, Helen! - Good luck with your product! 1011 00:44:32,255 --> 00:44:33,416 Oh, man. 1012 00:44:33,507 --> 00:44:34,586 I mean, what is it, anyway? 1013 00:44:34,632 --> 00:44:39,603 It looks like just a bunch of homemade, gluten-filled, sugar-filled, 1014 00:44:39,847 --> 00:44:41,347 diabetes cake. 1015 00:44:43,766 --> 00:44:44,766 (INHALES DEEPLY) 1016 00:44:49,773 --> 00:44:51,112 HELEN: With chocolate! 1017 00:44:51,733 --> 00:44:53,112 Oh, my God. 1018 00:44:54,527 --> 00:44:55,858 It's good. 1019 00:44:56,362 --> 00:44:57,822 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 1020 00:45:23,306 --> 00:45:24,427 MICHELLE: Now, what are we doing? 1021 00:45:24,474 --> 00:45:26,643 GROUP: Selling brownies! 1022 00:45:26,726 --> 00:45:28,766 Okay, what do we say if somebody doesn't want to buy? 1023 00:45:28,811 --> 00:45:30,402 "Buy my brownies or I'll kill you." 1024 00:45:31,023 --> 00:45:32,072 Don't say that, Chrystal. 1025 00:45:32,148 --> 00:45:33,188 Say that. That's perfect. 1026 00:45:33,317 --> 00:45:35,237 All right, now go make some money! 1027 00:45:35,985 --> 00:45:37,195 Woo! 1028 00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,030 MICHELLE: The van leaves at 7:00! 1029 00:45:39,114 --> 00:45:41,324 If you're not back, we will leave without you! 1030 00:45:41,365 --> 00:45:43,735 No, we're not gonna leave. Nobody's leaving you. 1031 00:45:43,827 --> 00:45:45,617 We're leaving at 7:00 sharp. 1032 00:45:45,829 --> 00:45:47,829 MICHELLE: 7:00! CLAIRE: The van'll be here. 1033 00:45:48,414 --> 00:45:50,244 I didn't count how many there were. 1034 00:45:51,335 --> 00:45:52,635 - I did. Whew. - Oh, good. 1035 00:45:53,586 --> 00:45:55,007 (SOBBING) 1036 00:45:57,257 --> 00:45:59,007 (INAUDIBLE) 1037 00:46:01,844 --> 00:46:04,135 Okay, these are cut and cooled. Bag 'em. 1038 00:46:04,681 --> 00:46:06,101 Michelle, are you helping? 1039 00:46:06,182 --> 00:46:07,563 Yes, of course, I'm helping. 1040 00:46:13,648 --> 00:46:15,358 By the way, don't give him anymore freebies, okay? 1041 00:46:15,442 --> 00:46:17,692 He's gotta pay for them, just like everybody else. 1042 00:46:17,985 --> 00:46:19,106 Oh, they're so good! 1043 00:46:19,195 --> 00:46:21,695 There you are. All set. 1044 00:46:23,032 --> 00:46:24,083 Don't forget the tip. 1045 00:46:24,201 --> 00:46:25,291 Now, how could I? You're so big. 1046 00:46:25,369 --> 00:46:27,539 You've said it so many times. And, there, you got it. 1047 00:46:32,626 --> 00:46:33,956 Hi, do you have money? 1048 00:46:35,670 --> 00:46:36,710 Hey! 1049 00:46:37,047 --> 00:46:39,126 There ain't gonna be any brownies left in the world. 1050 00:46:39,215 --> 00:46:41,085 Get outta here. Go sell brownies! 1051 00:46:41,342 --> 00:46:42,512 (CHUCKLING) 1052 00:46:42,635 --> 00:46:44,545 - Okay. - Hello, Bonnie! 1053 00:46:44,596 --> 00:46:48,215 Look at this. Patrice, take that. 1054 00:46:48,266 --> 00:46:49,726 Take that and buy me something! 1055 00:46:49,768 --> 00:46:51,478 I'm just kidding, but if you want to... 1056 00:46:57,568 --> 00:47:01,318 Remember, girls, when the houses are nice, we double the price. 1057 00:47:01,405 --> 00:47:03,914 Rich people don't trust affordable snacks. 1058 00:47:03,990 --> 00:47:06,581 - You know what? Let's go up to $10 a box. - HELEN: Hey! 1059 00:47:08,536 --> 00:47:09,827 What do you think you're doing? 1060 00:47:09,913 --> 00:47:11,413 MICHELLE: Hi, Helen! 1061 00:47:11,748 --> 00:47:14,418 We're participating in the American Dream. 1062 00:47:14,501 --> 00:47:16,001 Not on this street, you're not. 1063 00:47:16,085 --> 00:47:17,916 This is Dandelion territory. 1064 00:47:18,005 --> 00:47:19,175 It's okay, Helen, we'll just... 1065 00:47:19,255 --> 00:47:20,755 - HELEN: Shut up, Sandy! - Okay. 1066 00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:21,931 You guys are losers! 1067 00:47:21,967 --> 00:47:24,177 Hey, suck my dick, Gigantor! 1068 00:47:24,260 --> 00:47:25,260 - (ALL GASPING) - You're fucking dead! 1069 00:47:25,344 --> 00:47:26,385 Hannah, stop it! 1070 00:47:26,637 --> 00:47:28,557 HELEN: We are not gonna behave like this! 1071 00:47:28,599 --> 00:47:29,768 Michelle. 1072 00:47:30,141 --> 00:47:31,231 A word? 1073 00:47:31,268 --> 00:47:32,438 MICHELLE: I'd be delighted. 1074 00:47:32,603 --> 00:47:36,612 First rule of business, pretend to negotiate and then take what you want. 1075 00:47:41,445 --> 00:47:43,114 Listen, jailbird. 1076 00:47:43,362 --> 00:47:45,123 You think because you used to be someone 1077 00:47:45,199 --> 00:47:46,568 that the rules don't apply to you 1078 00:47:46,657 --> 00:47:48,867 and your pathetic band of rejects? 1079 00:47:49,952 --> 00:47:51,123 Well, you're wrong, bitch. 1080 00:47:51,246 --> 00:47:52,865 Ugh. Helen! 1081 00:47:53,539 --> 00:47:56,289 You got a case of the old trench-mouth. 1082 00:47:56,376 --> 00:47:59,295 Did you let a corpse curl up and die in there? 1083 00:47:59,505 --> 00:48:00,635 RACHEL: Forget it, Michelle. 1084 00:48:00,963 --> 00:48:03,554 - Let's just start on the next block. - MICHELLE: No, no, no. 1085 00:48:03,967 --> 00:48:08,637 Second rule of business is when a stanky, hummus-eating bitch 1086 00:48:08,722 --> 00:48:12,311 and her yeti of a daughter gets in your face, 1087 00:48:12,643 --> 00:48:13,983 you gotta regulate. 1088 00:48:15,686 --> 00:48:17,646 Hannah, give me some space. 1089 00:48:20,317 --> 00:48:21,317 (ALL GASPING) 1090 00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:22,780 (CHUCKLING) 1091 00:48:22,985 --> 00:48:23,985 Oh. 1092 00:48:24,070 --> 00:48:25,820 - How'd that taste? - Nice. 1093 00:48:26,114 --> 00:48:27,373 (GROANING) 1094 00:48:30,369 --> 00:48:31,659 Chomp on that! 1095 00:48:31,744 --> 00:48:32,864 (DARLINGS CHEERING) 1096 00:48:36,123 --> 00:48:37,213 (GRUNTING) 1097 00:48:37,501 --> 00:48:39,251 Let's get 'em! 1098 00:48:39,418 --> 00:48:40,418 (ALL CLAMORING) 1099 00:48:57,019 --> 00:48:59,940 They're animals! They're animals! 1100 00:49:09,240 --> 00:49:10,701 Rachel's not done! 1101 00:49:11,034 --> 00:49:12,994 Rachel's thirsty for more! 1102 00:49:19,918 --> 00:49:21,038 Yeah! 1103 00:49:22,211 --> 00:49:24,342 Hey, Chrystal! I'm coming for you! 1104 00:49:24,797 --> 00:49:26,047 Bring it on! 1105 00:49:35,559 --> 00:49:37,728 Oh, no, you don't! You're not going anywhere! 1106 00:49:37,811 --> 00:49:40,021 Do you understand me? Dandelions never leave a street fight! 1107 00:49:40,063 --> 00:49:41,402 God damn it, Helen! 1108 00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:42,690 We're gonna wipe the floor! 1109 00:49:45,735 --> 00:49:47,235 Sandy, why? 1110 00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:49,240 'Cause I'm the leader, dang it! 1111 00:49:49,364 --> 00:49:50,784 - You're a traitor! - SANDY: No. 1112 00:49:51,574 --> 00:49:54,335 Move! That bitch is mine! 1113 00:49:54,411 --> 00:49:55,541 Wait. No! 1114 00:49:55,579 --> 00:49:58,998 Hey, time to put the cookies back in the cookie jar, Helen! 1115 00:49:59,081 --> 00:50:01,382 - BOTH: Ooh. - I warned you, Helen! I warned you! 1116 00:50:01,585 --> 00:50:03,255 Those clusters are scratching me! 1117 00:50:03,336 --> 00:50:05,416 Good! Darlings! 1118 00:50:05,963 --> 00:50:07,094 Let's go! 1119 00:50:08,342 --> 00:50:09,592 Stay down! 1120 00:50:09,675 --> 00:50:11,295 - Don't tell your mom. - Okay. 1121 00:50:11,427 --> 00:50:13,427 - (PANTING) - This was great. 1122 00:50:20,311 --> 00:50:21,311 Ooh! 1123 00:50:21,438 --> 00:50:23,057 That batch is burnt! 1124 00:50:25,233 --> 00:50:26,324 Bye. 1125 00:50:28,945 --> 00:50:30,315 One of 'em's in me. 1126 00:50:33,282 --> 00:50:35,623 MICHELLE: Hi, is there a Claire here? 1127 00:50:35,786 --> 00:50:37,036 Is Claire... 1128 00:50:39,456 --> 00:50:41,115 Hi! Where is Claire? 1129 00:50:41,208 --> 00:50:43,668 Section 509, but return on investment... 1130 00:50:43,751 --> 00:50:44,751 Ugh, ugh. 1131 00:50:45,253 --> 00:50:46,463 Oh. 1132 00:50:46,630 --> 00:50:48,670 - Look at you, in the middle of everything... - I'll call you back. 1133 00:50:48,757 --> 00:50:49,797 In a bullpen. 1134 00:50:49,842 --> 00:50:50,972 What are you doing here? 1135 00:50:51,510 --> 00:50:53,800 We're out of brownies. We need you to make more. 1136 00:50:54,137 --> 00:50:55,507 Well, I'm at work! 1137 00:50:55,972 --> 00:50:58,563 Uh, hi, there! Hey! You're Michelle Darnell. 1138 00:50:58,976 --> 00:51:00,516 - Of course I am. - (LAUGHS) Yes, you are. 1139 00:51:00,601 --> 00:51:02,521 Mike, this is Michelle. Michelle, Mike. 1140 00:51:02,688 --> 00:51:03,807 (INHALES DEEPLY) 1141 00:51:03,981 --> 00:51:04,981 Ah... 1142 00:51:05,481 --> 00:51:06,822 "Mike" Mike. 1143 00:51:08,068 --> 00:51:09,188 Oh. Rejected Mike. 1144 00:51:09,277 --> 00:51:10,987 - The rejected Mike? - Don't... 1145 00:51:11,070 --> 00:51:14,161 You know, he is kind of cute. I think you should toss him a pity date. 1146 00:51:14,199 --> 00:51:15,528 MIKE: I don't need the pity, 1147 00:51:15,617 --> 00:51:17,737 but I will take the date if that's out there. 1148 00:51:17,827 --> 00:51:18,947 If that's an option. 1149 00:51:18,996 --> 00:51:21,365 Pity's all you've got. Pity's your best friend. 1150 00:51:21,664 --> 00:51:23,335 - Okay. Good to know. - Okay. 1151 00:51:23,416 --> 00:51:25,206 Just stop talking to him, okay? Leave him alone. 1152 00:51:25,293 --> 00:51:26,844 DANA: What is going on here? 1153 00:51:27,170 --> 00:51:29,380 (STAMMERING) Oh, my... Greatest. Okay. 1154 00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:31,590 You are Michelle Darnell. 1155 00:51:31,675 --> 00:51:32,875 Guilty as charged. 1156 00:51:33,010 --> 00:51:36,010 Oh, wow. I have two personal heroes in my life, 1157 00:51:36,054 --> 00:51:38,184 and I am staring at one of them right now. 1158 00:51:38,389 --> 00:51:40,769 - Oh, no. No touching. - No. 1159 00:51:41,018 --> 00:51:43,057 Curious to know who the other one is. 1160 00:51:43,144 --> 00:51:45,485 It's Benedict Cumberbatch, and you. 1161 00:51:46,023 --> 00:51:49,402 Huh. I did not peg you for a "Cumbersnatch." 1162 00:51:49,693 --> 00:51:51,402 That's me. Cumbersnatch. 1163 00:51:51,485 --> 00:51:52,856 You seem like a real Cumbersnatch. 1164 00:51:52,905 --> 00:51:54,704 Well, thank you so, so much. 1165 00:51:54,780 --> 00:51:55,871 You're welcome. Oh... 1166 00:51:56,490 --> 00:51:58,030 Thank you. Great encounter. 1167 00:51:58,117 --> 00:52:01,538 It's always fun. And I think I'm done with you. 1168 00:52:01,788 --> 00:52:05,418 Absolutely. And, madam, it was an honor. 1169 00:52:05,501 --> 00:52:07,590 - Off you go! - And here I am, okay. 1170 00:52:09,713 --> 00:52:10,713 MICHELLE: Strange girl. 1171 00:52:12,257 --> 00:52:13,376 Okay. 1172 00:52:14,175 --> 00:52:18,005 Claire, if this company is going to work, I need you full time. 1173 00:52:18,054 --> 00:52:19,605 I can't have you here. 1174 00:52:20,264 --> 00:52:21,974 Are you in or are you out? 1175 00:52:22,059 --> 00:52:23,978 I can't just leave my job! 1176 00:52:24,061 --> 00:52:26,101 I mean, I have to have a steady income. 1177 00:52:26,188 --> 00:52:27,557 I have Rachel to think about. 1178 00:52:27,648 --> 00:52:30,068 No, no, no. This is for Rachel. Okay? 1179 00:52:30,108 --> 00:52:32,737 If this works out the way I know it's going to work out, 1180 00:52:32,777 --> 00:52:34,398 it's gonna set you two up for life. 1181 00:52:34,905 --> 00:52:36,074 We're already making enough money 1182 00:52:36,155 --> 00:52:37,815 to pay your rent and all your bills, 1183 00:52:37,907 --> 00:52:41,538 and I'm just about to put a very big fish on the hook as our investor. 1184 00:52:41,619 --> 00:52:42,789 This is what I do. 1185 00:52:42,871 --> 00:52:44,411 Okay? You know that. 1186 00:52:45,164 --> 00:52:46,784 You have to trust me. 1187 00:52:48,168 --> 00:52:49,838 I do hate this job. 1188 00:52:50,461 --> 00:52:52,302 I mean, it's a terrible job. 1189 00:52:53,090 --> 00:52:55,090 My God. I mean, look at him. 1190 00:52:55,550 --> 00:52:58,090 He's slumped over, asleep. I hope he's asleep. 1191 00:52:58,135 --> 00:52:59,846 You don't want to be that guy. 1192 00:53:00,597 --> 00:53:01,806 What do you say? 1193 00:53:03,516 --> 00:53:04,597 Okay. 1194 00:53:04,684 --> 00:53:06,565 Yes. I'm all in. 1195 00:53:06,603 --> 00:53:08,193 Dana, I quit. 1196 00:53:08,396 --> 00:53:10,436 I'm gonna start my own business, okay? 1197 00:53:10,481 --> 00:53:12,652 - I have my own business. - Yes, she does. 1198 00:53:12,733 --> 00:53:14,614 Guys, it was lovely here. 1199 00:53:14,652 --> 00:53:17,163 Not really, but I hope you all have a wonderful day. 1200 00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:19,449 Mike, would you still like to go on that date? 1201 00:53:19,532 --> 00:53:20,623 Uh, yes, I would. 1202 00:53:20,701 --> 00:53:23,121 I'm free tomorrow at 7:30. Bring your A-game. 1203 00:53:23,829 --> 00:53:26,458 Tracy? Wake up! I'm out! 1204 00:53:26,498 --> 00:53:28,208 MICHELLE: Wake it up, Tracy! 1205 00:53:28,291 --> 00:53:29,291 - No. - No. 1206 00:53:29,376 --> 00:53:30,585 - No, thank you. - I'm so... 1207 00:53:30,793 --> 00:53:32,923 - Ooh. No. - I'm very flattered. 1208 00:53:34,630 --> 00:53:37,760 Seems like a good night for sexual activity, Claire. 1209 00:53:37,967 --> 00:53:38,967 (CHUCKLES) 1210 00:53:39,052 --> 00:53:42,101 How long has it been since you've had sexual activity? 1211 00:53:43,097 --> 00:53:46,978 Stop yelling "sexual activity." 'Cause Rachel might hear you. 1212 00:53:48,644 --> 00:53:52,014 You know, you're the one that's yelling "sexual activity" out in the hallway. 1213 00:53:52,315 --> 00:53:54,065 Just answer the question, Claire. 1214 00:53:54,150 --> 00:53:55,320 I don't know. 1215 00:53:55,402 --> 00:53:57,152 If I had to guess, 1216 00:53:57,487 --> 00:54:00,407 maybe four, five, six years? 1217 00:54:01,115 --> 00:54:03,655 What? Oh, my God. Did you take a vow? 1218 00:54:03,744 --> 00:54:06,003 It's very hard to find a good sitter. 1219 00:54:06,496 --> 00:54:08,576 Okay. We'll go with that. I just... 1220 00:54:08,664 --> 00:54:10,494 I'm gonna say, it probably doesn't help 1221 00:54:10,541 --> 00:54:13,251 that you're dressed like you grocery-shop at a CVS. 1222 00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:14,960 What? 1223 00:54:15,005 --> 00:54:16,335 I love this sweater. 1224 00:54:16,672 --> 00:54:18,052 I don't know why you would. 1225 00:54:18,132 --> 00:54:20,182 This sweater goes with everything. It's a neutral. 1226 00:54:20,302 --> 00:54:23,681 It doesn't go with you or your skin, or your face. 1227 00:54:23,931 --> 00:54:26,601 That sweater is the equivalent of a sandwich board 1228 00:54:26,682 --> 00:54:28,443 that just says, "I give up." 1229 00:54:28,518 --> 00:54:31,099 And then in the back, it says, "I never started tryin'." 1230 00:54:31,896 --> 00:54:33,516 It somewhat looks like you have 1231 00:54:33,606 --> 00:54:38,396 sewn together two very long, sad tube socks and then filled each end 1232 00:54:38,778 --> 00:54:41,739 with wet sand and rocks. 1233 00:54:41,822 --> 00:54:43,242 What are you talking about? 1234 00:54:43,324 --> 00:54:44,954 It just looks like two basset hounds 1235 00:54:45,077 --> 00:54:46,697 may have cried themselves to death 1236 00:54:46,786 --> 00:54:48,246 in your sweater. 1237 00:54:48,329 --> 00:54:50,710 I like it. I think this looks great. 1238 00:54:51,375 --> 00:54:52,505 - Can I... - (GASPS) 1239 00:54:52,543 --> 00:54:53,882 - Michelle! - Well... 1240 00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:55,090 - You are... - I had to check. 1241 00:54:55,170 --> 00:54:56,380 I didn't know what was in there. 1242 00:54:56,463 --> 00:54:58,592 You're making me feel very insecure right before my date. 1243 00:54:58,673 --> 00:54:59,764 Don't! 1244 00:54:59,842 --> 00:55:02,092 If your breasts could speak right now, 1245 00:55:02,177 --> 00:55:04,387 I think they'd be saying, "Claire, 1246 00:55:04,554 --> 00:55:06,724 "please don't zip me up in your jeans." 1247 00:55:06,806 --> 00:55:08,097 - That is... - You're gonna zip a nipple. 1248 00:55:08,182 --> 00:55:09,393 That's not what they'd say. 1249 00:55:09,476 --> 00:55:11,436 May I adjust your strap? 1250 00:55:11,519 --> 00:55:13,480 - 'Cause I'm trying to help you, Claire. - (SIGHS) 1251 00:55:13,563 --> 00:55:15,443 You say, "Be more helpful." And I'm trying to be helpful. 1252 00:55:15,565 --> 00:55:16,646 You can tighten the strap. 1253 00:55:16,733 --> 00:55:18,443 Okay. What... 1254 00:55:18,527 --> 00:55:20,197 Just a little, 'cause I want it... 1255 00:55:20,237 --> 00:55:21,447 What is that toggle? 1256 00:55:22,405 --> 00:55:23,695 Oh, it's a nursing bra. 1257 00:55:24,365 --> 00:55:26,576 Oh, my God. Are you still nursing Rachel? 1258 00:55:26,617 --> 00:55:30,038 No, it's from when she was a baby. But it's very comfortable. 1259 00:55:30,246 --> 00:55:32,246 That's not comfortable to see. 1260 00:55:32,331 --> 00:55:33,751 Now, let me see this. 1261 00:55:33,791 --> 00:55:34,922 It's very often a fit issue. 1262 00:55:35,085 --> 00:55:36,244 (EXHALES) 1263 00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:38,170 Why do these have so much pull? 1264 00:55:38,297 --> 00:55:39,547 - All right, well... - (GASPS) 1265 00:55:39,590 --> 00:55:42,340 Claire! It's like Geppetto! 1266 00:55:42,425 --> 00:55:44,675 Look at that. Look at this. It's like, "Horses, horses." 1267 00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:45,891 - It's like I'm... - Oh, my God. 1268 00:55:45,929 --> 00:55:47,509 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay! 1269 00:55:47,597 --> 00:55:49,217 It feels good. I need to be comfortable. 1270 00:55:49,266 --> 00:55:51,226 It doesn't feel good to my eyes. 1271 00:55:51,268 --> 00:55:52,938 Can I just put 'em where they're supposed to be? 1272 00:55:52,978 --> 00:55:55,228 And I want you to be able to see the difference. 1273 00:55:55,271 --> 00:55:58,532 You got "Happy girl", and then, uh-oh. 1274 00:55:58,817 --> 00:55:59,936 They just drop out. 1275 00:56:00,527 --> 00:56:02,777 And I should not be able to separate... 1276 00:56:02,820 --> 00:56:03,951 - Okay. All right. - They're heavier, but... 1277 00:56:03,989 --> 00:56:05,989 So how do you like it when I just get in there and bang around? 1278 00:56:06,115 --> 00:56:07,615 - I love it. - Why is there not... 1279 00:56:07,909 --> 00:56:08,989 Oh, there's no give. 1280 00:56:09,077 --> 00:56:11,286 Look at that. I can't even feel that. 1281 00:56:11,371 --> 00:56:12,411 That's when you know... 1282 00:56:15,125 --> 00:56:17,335 I don't feel it, okay? 100% silicone. 1283 00:56:17,418 --> 00:56:20,298 And not the kind that's supposed to ever be inside the body. 1284 00:56:20,380 --> 00:56:22,010 - (SNORTING) - I know. They're fantastic. 1285 00:56:22,090 --> 00:56:23,130 That's something else. 1286 00:56:23,217 --> 00:56:24,297 Might feel that. 1287 00:56:24,342 --> 00:56:25,512 That's my nipple. 1288 00:56:26,219 --> 00:56:28,300 - Yeah, they're up here, where they should be. - Oh, my God. 1289 00:56:28,387 --> 00:56:29,887 No, see, you need to bring 'em down. 1290 00:56:29,972 --> 00:56:31,603 No! They can't, anyway, no. 1291 00:56:31,641 --> 00:56:33,771 That's what you need to do. They're too high, Michelle. 1292 00:56:33,809 --> 00:56:35,150 - There's a structure. Stop. - No. 1293 00:56:35,186 --> 00:56:36,306 If we were... You need to... 1294 00:56:36,355 --> 00:56:38,235 - Look, just take 'em a little bit lower. - Oh, my God. 1295 00:56:38,315 --> 00:56:39,485 - How about that? - I paid a fortune for these. 1296 00:56:39,565 --> 00:56:40,775 - No, I'm gonna bring 'em... - I'm keepin' 'em up! 1297 00:56:40,817 --> 00:56:41,817 Just gonna push 'em right down. 1298 00:56:41,902 --> 00:56:42,902 I'm trying to help you not... 1299 00:56:42,985 --> 00:56:44,565 What're you guys doing? 1300 00:56:44,737 --> 00:56:46,027 Hey, there! 1301 00:56:46,114 --> 00:56:49,373 We're just... There was a... Probably a... 1302 00:56:49,451 --> 00:56:50,490 - I was... - Bugs. 1303 00:56:50,577 --> 00:56:54,617 We were jostling each other's bosoms like... 1304 00:56:54,914 --> 00:56:56,005 Gals do. 1305 00:56:56,083 --> 00:56:57,583 No, we weren't. 1306 00:56:57,668 --> 00:57:00,708 I was just trying to help your mom here get ready for her big date. 1307 00:57:00,795 --> 00:57:03,295 - I'm a little nervous. - She's a little bit nervous. 1308 00:57:03,340 --> 00:57:06,179 Always gotta stretch your boobs when you're nervous. 1309 00:57:07,427 --> 00:57:08,467 RACHEL: You should change. 1310 00:57:08,846 --> 00:57:10,965 That's your TV-watching sweater. 1311 00:57:11,597 --> 00:57:12,807 Thank you. 1312 00:57:13,474 --> 00:57:15,594 Okay. Thank you for that. 1313 00:57:15,686 --> 00:57:17,396 Okay, well, we're gonna leave you to it. 1314 00:57:17,478 --> 00:57:18,858 You can treat yourself to a little underwire 1315 00:57:18,938 --> 00:57:21,018 and something that doesn't look like you sell ceramics. 1316 00:57:21,108 --> 00:57:23,068 Let's go watch a movie. I'm babysitting. 1317 00:57:23,150 --> 00:57:25,201 - Have you seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre? - No. 1318 00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:27,030 I'm kidding! I'm not kidding. 1319 00:57:29,992 --> 00:57:32,081 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 1320 00:57:34,871 --> 00:57:36,001 (SIGHS) 1321 00:57:39,835 --> 00:57:41,045 Hi. 1322 00:57:41,210 --> 00:57:44,420 Hi. Oh, my God. You look gorgeous. 1323 00:57:44,505 --> 00:57:46,675 I'm wearing a bra, a new bra. It's not new. 1324 00:57:46,717 --> 00:57:48,637 It's old. I just haven't worn it in a while. 1325 00:57:48,719 --> 00:57:51,719 Hey, you know what, I went with an old bra tonight, too, so... 1326 00:57:52,681 --> 00:57:53,771 Let's get a table. 1327 00:57:53,891 --> 00:57:55,021 Absolutely. 1328 00:57:56,559 --> 00:57:59,849 I wanted to tell you earlier actually, on a serious note. 1329 00:58:00,521 --> 00:58:02,902 When you walked out the other day from work, 1330 00:58:02,940 --> 00:58:04,780 quite dramatically, I might add, 1331 00:58:04,860 --> 00:58:06,239 six other people quit. 1332 00:58:06,652 --> 00:58:08,492 - What? - Mmm-hmm. They just walked out. 1333 00:58:08,572 --> 00:58:10,282 - Oh, my God. - I know, right? 1334 00:58:10,407 --> 00:58:11,567 I started a chain reaction. 1335 00:58:11,657 --> 00:58:12,947 You started a huge chain reaction. 1336 00:58:13,034 --> 00:58:14,244 Six people walked out 1337 00:58:14,327 --> 00:58:15,907 and then immediately three people walked back inside. 1338 00:58:15,954 --> 00:58:17,253 I think they were outside smoking. 1339 00:58:17,539 --> 00:58:19,119 But it was like you were a cult leader. 1340 00:58:19,248 --> 00:58:20,829 It was like a tremendous show of support. 1341 00:58:20,918 --> 00:58:23,418 It was, like, very inspiring. 1342 00:58:23,836 --> 00:58:25,836 - Really? - Yeah, really. 1343 00:58:26,255 --> 00:58:27,666 Do you find that hard to believe? 1344 00:58:27,757 --> 00:58:30,467 - That I'm tremendously inspiring? - Yeah. 1345 00:58:30,552 --> 00:58:32,012 - Yeah, a bit. - Really? 1346 00:58:32,094 --> 00:58:33,675 Well, let me tell you something, lady. 1347 00:58:33,764 --> 00:58:36,103 You are more than a little inspiring. 1348 00:58:38,643 --> 00:58:40,853 I have been talking ad nauseam here. 1349 00:58:40,978 --> 00:58:43,188 Can you, uh, grab the mic for a sec? 1350 00:58:44,190 --> 00:58:46,110 Well, I, um... 1351 00:58:46,150 --> 00:58:48,780 I got knocked up in grad school by my TA. 1352 00:58:48,862 --> 00:58:50,072 When he found out I was pregnant, 1353 00:58:50,155 --> 00:58:51,905 he pretended like we didn't know each other. 1354 00:58:51,949 --> 00:58:53,778 - What? - Then gave me a "D." 1355 00:58:53,824 --> 00:58:55,235 - What? - Yeah, nice surprise. 1356 00:58:55,284 --> 00:58:56,324 Yeah. 1357 00:58:56,411 --> 00:58:58,201 But I got a great kid out of it. 1358 00:58:58,539 --> 00:58:59,708 I bet you're a great mom. 1359 00:58:59,831 --> 00:59:01,001 I try. 1360 00:59:01,083 --> 00:59:03,753 I mean, unless she is currently unsupervised. Then you're a horrible mom. 1361 00:59:03,793 --> 00:59:05,554 No, she's with Michelle. 1362 00:59:05,628 --> 00:59:07,208 - She's with Michelle? - Yes. 1363 00:59:07,297 --> 00:59:08,916 She's your felon babysitter. 1364 00:59:09,842 --> 00:59:12,141 (LAUGHING) Oh! Oh, my God! 1365 00:59:12,219 --> 00:59:14,298 Rachel, it's the goriest part! 1366 00:59:14,387 --> 00:59:16,637 It's the goriest part. You're missing it! 1367 00:59:16,681 --> 00:59:19,981 Oh, my God. He's killing her with a chainsaw. 1368 00:59:20,059 --> 00:59:21,190 Oh. 1369 00:59:21,644 --> 00:59:23,775 I have a felon watching my child. 1370 00:59:23,813 --> 00:59:24,983 That just occurred to you, didn't it? 1371 00:59:25,065 --> 00:59:26,315 - Yes, it did. - Yeah. 1372 00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:28,280 - It's good thing I'm here. - Let's have some more wine. 1373 00:59:28,652 --> 00:59:30,862 Absolutely, yeah. Hey, excuse me. 1374 00:59:31,153 --> 00:59:33,994 Hi. Do you think maybe we could get two more glasses of the... 1375 00:59:34,782 --> 00:59:36,333 No. Hold on. 1376 00:59:37,119 --> 00:59:39,079 Bring us a bottle of whatever the lady would like 1377 00:59:39,161 --> 00:59:41,922 in the twenty-five to twenty-eight dollar range. 1378 00:59:42,748 --> 00:59:45,248 Sure, I'll send somebody to Walgreens to get you something nice. 1379 00:59:45,335 --> 00:59:47,744 Cool. You guys do that? What's with that? 1380 00:59:47,838 --> 00:59:49,128 (LAUGHING) Oh, my God! 1381 00:59:50,007 --> 00:59:52,007 Is that like a really cheap bottle of wine? 1382 00:59:55,137 --> 00:59:57,967 IDA: You got a lot of balls showing up here, Darnell. 1383 00:59:58,681 --> 01:00:01,891 Listen, Ida, I know you're still mad at me, and I don't blame you. 1384 01:00:02,018 --> 01:00:04,018 I shouldn't have cut you out of that Emerson deal. 1385 01:00:04,061 --> 01:00:05,942 But if it makes it any better, 1386 01:00:06,023 --> 01:00:08,273 I made a blinding amount of money on that deal. 1387 01:00:10,485 --> 01:00:14,235 You know the first time I saw you? Twenty-three years old. 1388 01:00:14,322 --> 01:00:16,322 (CHUCKLES) Yeah. I knew right away, 1389 01:00:16,657 --> 01:00:18,577 you were a tough, money-hungry, 1390 01:00:18,659 --> 01:00:21,710 self-serving, see-you-next-Tuesday gal 1391 01:00:21,746 --> 01:00:23,117 just like me. 1392 01:00:23,206 --> 01:00:27,376 And that's why I decided to mentor you. Just let you get too close. 1393 01:00:28,128 --> 01:00:30,507 I started to think of you as family. 1394 01:00:32,215 --> 01:00:34,545 Well, families are for suckers, right? 1395 01:00:35,260 --> 01:00:36,550 That's for sure. 1396 01:00:37,637 --> 01:00:39,467 What do you want, Michelle? 1397 01:00:39,556 --> 01:00:41,135 I need an investor. 1398 01:00:41,724 --> 01:00:43,514 Oh, for your little brownie venture? 1399 01:00:44,228 --> 01:00:46,097 How do you even know about that? 1400 01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:49,730 Because I'm Ida Marquette. I know everything. 1401 01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:51,400 Here. 1402 01:00:52,485 --> 01:00:53,735 Come on, Ida. 1403 01:00:53,820 --> 01:00:56,030 I'm sure you got quite an overhead on this glue factory here. 1404 01:00:56,072 --> 01:00:58,242 - Do you want in or not? - You know, 1405 01:00:59,992 --> 01:01:02,163 I once made love on a pool table 1406 01:01:02,246 --> 01:01:04,246 in Hot Coffee, Mississippi 1407 01:01:04,373 --> 01:01:07,253 with six members of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. 1408 01:01:08,543 --> 01:01:09,753 Are you stroking out? 1409 01:01:09,795 --> 01:01:13,135 What does this have to do with what we're talking about right now? 1410 01:01:13,297 --> 01:01:16,507 The point is, Darnell, I have very few regrets in my life. 1411 01:01:17,344 --> 01:01:20,393 But you... You were my best protégée. 1412 01:01:21,472 --> 01:01:22,472 Tell you what. 1413 01:01:22,557 --> 01:01:26,688 I'll back you, if this checks out. Just for old times' sake. 1414 01:01:26,936 --> 01:01:27,976 Okay. 1415 01:01:28,063 --> 01:01:29,612 If you'll excuse me, Shawshank, 1416 01:01:29,981 --> 01:01:31,981 I'm late for my morning ride. 1417 01:01:32,067 --> 01:01:33,226 IDA: Yes! 1418 01:01:34,277 --> 01:01:35,358 Okay. 1419 01:01:35,445 --> 01:01:37,105 You better make me a shitload of money. 1420 01:01:37,197 --> 01:01:38,657 Away, Butters! 1421 01:01:38,865 --> 01:01:40,275 (HORSE WHINNYING) 1422 01:01:44,538 --> 01:01:46,248 MICHELLE: Come on! Eat up, ladies. 1423 01:01:46,289 --> 01:01:47,670 This is a celebratory dinner. 1424 01:01:47,748 --> 01:01:49,378 We got our investor. 1425 01:01:49,458 --> 01:01:51,208 Okay. Here we go. 1426 01:01:53,338 --> 01:01:54,628 Hoo-hoo-hoo. 1427 01:01:54,755 --> 01:01:55,835 Look at this! 1428 01:01:56,215 --> 01:01:57,295 What is this? 1429 01:01:57,384 --> 01:02:00,474 Well, I feel it's time you become more adventurous. 1430 01:02:03,764 --> 01:02:04,965 (CHUCKLING) 1431 01:02:05,224 --> 01:02:06,974 RACHEL: Thank God! Pizza! 1432 01:02:07,226 --> 01:02:08,976 I know you don't like sushi. 1433 01:02:09,061 --> 01:02:10,942 Thank you, Michelle! I'm starving. 1434 01:02:11,356 --> 01:02:13,356 And fugu for the lady. 1435 01:02:13,733 --> 01:02:15,744 - MICHELLE: Thank you, Ping. - Fugu? 1436 01:02:16,277 --> 01:02:17,398 (EXHALES) 1437 01:02:17,987 --> 01:02:20,527 The infamous pufferfish. 1438 01:02:20,615 --> 01:02:24,695 When prepared incorrectly, it can lead to paralysis or even death. 1439 01:02:24,786 --> 01:02:29,036 But when it is prepared correctly, it is like a volcano erupting in my mouth. 1440 01:02:29,123 --> 01:02:30,713 Let's hope for the second. (SLURPING) 1441 01:02:31,835 --> 01:02:32,835 (CHUCKLES) 1442 01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:34,800 (MICHELLE MOANING) 1443 01:02:35,672 --> 01:02:37,972 Oh, this is nice. Get in here, guys. 1444 01:02:38,007 --> 01:02:39,378 I don't wanna hog it all. 1445 01:02:39,927 --> 01:02:42,257 Michelle, are you all right? 1446 01:02:42,429 --> 01:02:47,599 When it's this perfect, it takes you to the brink of paralysis. 1447 01:02:47,684 --> 01:02:50,523 And then, at the last minute, it just lets you go. 1448 01:02:51,188 --> 01:02:53,148 Three, two... 1449 01:02:53,856 --> 01:02:54,976 Uh-oh. 1450 01:02:55,192 --> 01:02:56,612 (MICHELLE GROANING) 1451 01:02:57,945 --> 01:02:59,244 Michelle? 1452 01:03:06,661 --> 01:03:09,331 - MICHELLE: Whoo. - That's a very risky dish. 1453 01:03:09,373 --> 01:03:11,253 Oh, God. How long was I out? 1454 01:03:11,333 --> 01:03:12,922 Are you serious? Like 10 seconds. 1455 01:03:13,376 --> 01:03:14,416 Yeah. 1456 01:03:14,836 --> 01:03:16,297 It's a personal best. 1457 01:03:16,713 --> 01:03:18,052 I was thinking about having more. 1458 01:03:18,130 --> 01:03:20,181 CLAIRE: All right, I think everybody's done with the fugu. 1459 01:03:20,217 --> 01:03:22,336 - I'm gonna tea it out, just for a second. - Yeah. 1460 01:03:22,385 --> 01:03:23,755 I made you something. 1461 01:03:23,846 --> 01:03:24,885 What? 1462 01:03:24,972 --> 01:03:27,391 I mean, I thought I should give it to you now 1463 01:03:27,431 --> 01:03:31,231 'cause you keep eating things that almost kill you. 1464 01:03:31,478 --> 01:03:32,728 (MICHELLE CHUCKLING) 1465 01:03:33,105 --> 01:03:34,735 I made the frame at school. 1466 01:03:40,237 --> 01:03:43,567 It's a nice frame, Rachel. You did a good job. 1467 01:03:43,907 --> 01:03:45,027 Thanks. 1468 01:03:45,074 --> 01:03:48,945 When I look at the picture, I just think we're like a weird family. 1469 01:03:52,708 --> 01:03:53,748 Okay. Ah. 1470 01:03:54,710 --> 01:03:58,090 Family? That's a little heavy-handed. 1471 01:03:59,130 --> 01:04:01,880 I think, you know, I'm not much into labeling. 1472 01:04:02,467 --> 01:04:04,586 You say "family," and we don't look alike. 1473 01:04:04,677 --> 01:04:08,307 I mean, I'm not even sure that you two look alike. 1474 01:04:08,389 --> 01:04:11,309 We'll have to do a blood test on you for that. 1475 01:04:11,434 --> 01:04:15,735 You know, it's funny, looking at this, I think what day is this? 1476 01:04:15,771 --> 01:04:19,902 'Cause I'm pretty sure I have a... 1477 01:04:20,402 --> 01:04:23,282 I have a previously scheduled thing. 1478 01:04:23,362 --> 01:04:25,282 I don't know what I was... You know. 1479 01:04:25,407 --> 01:04:27,947 Do what you do. I'm gonna do what I do. 1480 01:04:28,076 --> 01:04:29,445 I'll take care of the check. 1481 01:04:30,913 --> 01:04:31,913 I just... 1482 01:04:34,666 --> 01:04:35,916 What was that about? 1483 01:04:37,168 --> 01:04:40,338 (SIGHS) I don't know, sweetie. I don't know. 1484 01:04:47,304 --> 01:04:50,273 Hi! Sorry, baby. Michelle was supposed to pick you up. 1485 01:04:50,306 --> 01:04:54,186 I know. I texted her like 500,000 times. 1486 01:05:03,612 --> 01:05:05,032 All of her stuff is gone. 1487 01:05:11,161 --> 01:05:14,831 "Thank you for letting me stay in your home. Sincerely, MD. 1488 01:05:14,914 --> 01:05:17,335 "P.S. I won't miss your couch." 1489 01:05:17,376 --> 01:05:18,746 That's impersonal. 1490 01:05:19,460 --> 01:05:20,670 A bit. 1491 01:05:21,338 --> 01:05:23,547 I shouldn't have given her that picture of us. 1492 01:05:23,632 --> 01:05:25,512 Sweetie, she loved your picture. 1493 01:05:25,550 --> 01:05:30,010 No, come on. She left because it was her time to leave. 1494 01:05:30,097 --> 01:05:32,016 Michelle is a redhead and a Scorpio. 1495 01:05:32,099 --> 01:05:34,429 It's a very impulsive combo. 1496 01:05:37,478 --> 01:05:40,358 These little bites of goodness are puttin' kids in college... 1497 01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:41,440 Yes. 1498 01:05:41,525 --> 01:05:44,155 ...are giving young women in this country a business plan 1499 01:05:44,193 --> 01:05:46,653 and the thought in their head of like, "Yes, I can." 1500 01:05:46,697 --> 01:05:47,856 Is she picking up? 1501 01:05:47,905 --> 01:05:50,076 And if you buy four sets, you get this adorable wagon. 1502 01:05:50,199 --> 01:05:52,409 (CLEARS THROAT) 1503 01:05:52,494 --> 01:05:54,753 No. It's her voicemail. 1504 01:06:03,838 --> 01:06:06,759 I got 'em! I got 'em! 1505 01:06:14,849 --> 01:06:15,849 (INHALES DEEPLY) 1506 01:06:17,518 --> 01:06:18,898 These are going to be huge. 1507 01:06:25,027 --> 01:06:27,237 How does she do it? I want in. 1508 01:06:27,778 --> 01:06:28,949 More milk. 1509 01:06:29,030 --> 01:06:31,740 No, I'm feeling reckless. I want to do it myself this time. 1510 01:06:34,994 --> 01:06:36,045 Ah. 1511 01:06:36,079 --> 01:06:37,329 Good job. 1512 01:06:39,166 --> 01:06:41,996 CLAIRE: It's just, a little common courtesy would be nice, you know? 1513 01:06:42,085 --> 01:06:43,585 If she ever returned my calls, 1514 01:06:43,670 --> 01:06:46,260 I would know about these press days in the middle of nowhere. 1515 01:06:46,297 --> 01:06:47,378 Mom, look! 1516 01:06:48,382 --> 01:06:50,143 RENAULT: Congratulations, Claire. 1517 01:06:53,722 --> 01:06:55,771 Honey, why don't you, um, go on inside, 1518 01:06:55,891 --> 01:06:57,931 just look both ways before you cross, okay? 1519 01:06:58,018 --> 01:06:59,018 Okay. 1520 01:07:01,605 --> 01:07:02,985 What're you doing here? 1521 01:07:04,775 --> 01:07:07,655 Looks like you and Michelle have built yourself quite a little empire. 1522 01:07:09,445 --> 01:07:10,445 What do you want? 1523 01:07:10,530 --> 01:07:13,951 I want to take what Michelle Darnell has built. 1524 01:07:14,034 --> 01:07:16,623 I want her to realize that I have taken it away. 1525 01:07:16,702 --> 01:07:20,293 And when she realizes it, when that moment of realization crosses her face, 1526 01:07:20,373 --> 01:07:22,333 and she realizes that I have realized it as well... 1527 01:07:22,416 --> 01:07:23,416 I've lost my train of thought. 1528 01:07:23,460 --> 01:07:24,500 Yeah, I'm not following. 1529 01:07:24,585 --> 01:07:26,166 I want the fucking company, Claire. 1530 01:07:27,547 --> 01:07:29,007 - (INHALES DEEPLY) - It's only a matter of time 1531 01:07:29,090 --> 01:07:31,221 before Michelle Darnell screws you over. 1532 01:07:31,385 --> 01:07:32,394 MICHELLE: So get in there. 1533 01:07:32,469 --> 01:07:34,469 I see you eyein' those brownies. 1534 01:07:34,554 --> 01:07:35,815 Let's have some bites. Go ahead. 1535 01:07:35,889 --> 01:07:36,889 They're not gonna bite you. 1536 01:07:36,974 --> 01:07:38,353 You're gonna bite them. (CHUCKLES) 1537 01:07:38,432 --> 01:07:39,643 Let's get a shot of those. 1538 01:07:54,992 --> 01:07:56,831 Huh, pretty good stuff, right? 1539 01:08:02,666 --> 01:08:04,996 Oh, my God. 1540 01:08:05,085 --> 01:08:06,335 MICHELLE: Oh, amazing! 1541 01:08:06,753 --> 01:08:09,512 This is Chrystal. It's one of the Darnell originals. 1542 01:08:09,547 --> 01:08:11,217 She's a giant. Huh? 1543 01:08:11,300 --> 01:08:13,179 I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I have eyes. 1544 01:08:13,217 --> 01:08:15,047 (CHUCKLES) Isn't that fun? Come on with me. 1545 01:08:15,137 --> 01:08:17,006 - I got a surprise for all of you guys... - (SIGHS) 1546 01:08:17,139 --> 01:08:19,019 I think you're gonna be very excited about. 1547 01:08:19,099 --> 01:08:22,189 I'd like to present the new Darnell Darlings' mascot! 1548 01:08:22,269 --> 01:08:23,309 Hit it! 1549 01:08:23,353 --> 01:08:25,023 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 1550 01:08:25,189 --> 01:08:26,859 Take some snaps of this. I know you want to. 1551 01:08:26,939 --> 01:08:28,229 MICHELLE: It's a phoenix. 1552 01:08:28,317 --> 01:08:29,317 Michelle. 1553 01:08:29,359 --> 01:08:31,149 You get in there. I know you're not shy. 1554 01:08:31,235 --> 01:08:32,275 What is this? 1555 01:08:33,447 --> 01:08:35,657 It's a phoenix, Claire. It's my totem animal. 1556 01:08:35,698 --> 01:08:39,908 Okay. So you leased a commercial kitchen without telling me? 1557 01:08:39,994 --> 01:08:42,625 Yes. I'm kind of waiting for a, "Thank you, Michelle!" 1558 01:08:42,706 --> 01:08:44,956 Wow, um. I'm having a hard time with the "thank you" 1559 01:08:45,042 --> 01:08:48,712 because you also hired all of these people without consulting me. 1560 01:08:48,795 --> 01:08:52,045 I do know that you've been complaining pretty consistently 1561 01:08:52,131 --> 01:08:54,551 about having to do all the baking and doing it at your house. 1562 01:08:54,635 --> 01:08:55,725 I fixed all that for ya. 1563 01:08:55,761 --> 01:08:56,890 And you're more mad than ever. 1564 01:08:56,970 --> 01:08:58,260 - I don't get it, Claire. - You didn't... 1565 01:08:58,346 --> 01:09:00,886 Michelle, you didn't consult me on any of this, okay? 1566 01:09:00,974 --> 01:09:02,234 I see a bunch of press. 1567 01:09:02,309 --> 01:09:04,769 One of us, not you, got the press here. 1568 01:09:04,853 --> 01:09:05,853 Right. Okay. 1569 01:09:05,895 --> 01:09:07,395 Well, maybe they should know that 1570 01:09:07,523 --> 01:09:09,023 the new and improved Michelle Darnell 1571 01:09:09,065 --> 01:09:12,235 is just as self-centered and egotistical as the old Michelle Darnell. 1572 01:09:12,319 --> 01:09:14,238 - Really? Do you wanna do this? - Sure! 1573 01:09:14,279 --> 01:09:15,529 - 'Cause I would love to do this. - Great. 1574 01:09:15,572 --> 01:09:16,572 You follow me. 1575 01:09:16,657 --> 01:09:18,237 I will follow you, from the front. 1576 01:09:18,283 --> 01:09:20,412 - No, not from the front. From the back! - Yes! 1577 01:09:20,911 --> 01:09:22,751 Don't put your arm in front of me! 1578 01:09:22,787 --> 01:09:24,078 You can't tell me what to do! 1579 01:09:24,122 --> 01:09:25,752 You're not my boss anymore! 1580 01:09:25,832 --> 01:09:27,542 We are partners, 50-50, 1581 01:09:27,583 --> 01:09:29,594 and you can't make decisions without telling me! 1582 01:09:29,795 --> 01:09:31,675 We are not partners, Claire! 1583 01:09:31,755 --> 01:09:33,085 I am a successful businesswoman. 1584 01:09:33,172 --> 01:09:36,472 You are a lonely woman who can make a halfway decent brownie! 1585 01:09:36,551 --> 01:09:38,601 And we all have our little secrets, Claire. Right? 1586 01:09:38,636 --> 01:09:41,426 You double-crossing, hand-holding, sneaky little rat! 1587 01:09:41,472 --> 01:09:42,722 What are you talking about? 1588 01:09:42,765 --> 01:09:44,386 God, I can't believe I helped you! 1589 01:09:44,434 --> 01:09:46,644 I took you in off the street, okay? 1590 01:09:46,728 --> 01:09:47,938 When no one else would. 1591 01:09:48,020 --> 01:09:49,810 You are such a cliché. 1592 01:09:49,898 --> 01:09:52,938 Okay? You're getting close to people so now you have to push them away. 1593 01:09:52,984 --> 01:09:55,204 Okay, don't analyze me, Dr. Phil! 1594 01:09:55,279 --> 01:09:56,988 Why're you guys doing this? 1595 01:09:57,613 --> 01:09:59,283 Rachel, you know what, just go inside, honey. 1596 01:09:59,365 --> 01:10:02,036 No! No! You do not tell my daughter what to do. 1597 01:10:02,118 --> 01:10:03,998 And you know what? Don't ever speak to her again. 1598 01:10:04,078 --> 01:10:05,868 Mom, why would you say that? 1599 01:10:07,957 --> 01:10:12,797 It's fine, Rachel, just... Girls, go inside! Now! 1600 01:10:14,881 --> 01:10:16,591 You know what? I don't need this. 1601 01:10:16,632 --> 01:10:17,932 I don't need that. 1602 01:10:18,467 --> 01:10:19,467 I don't need any of it. 1603 01:10:19,802 --> 01:10:22,182 Let's see how far your brownie recipe takes you. 1604 01:10:23,055 --> 01:10:25,595 I'm cutting you loose and sailin' off! 1605 01:10:25,893 --> 01:10:27,813 I don't need you two weighing me down! 1606 01:10:29,145 --> 01:10:30,305 Rachel! 1607 01:10:30,439 --> 01:10:31,439 Rachel? 1608 01:10:48,332 --> 01:10:51,082 You're the only one that's gonna take care of you. 1609 01:10:51,502 --> 01:10:52,591 The only one. 1610 01:10:54,837 --> 01:10:56,837 STEPHAN: Excuse me, you can't just go in there! 1611 01:10:56,881 --> 01:10:58,011 Watch me. 1612 01:10:58,841 --> 01:11:00,221 Hi, Ronald! 1613 01:11:00,551 --> 01:11:03,181 Ooh, I like your new bitches. 1614 01:11:03,221 --> 01:11:05,311 I saw you sniffing around my bakery. 1615 01:11:05,349 --> 01:11:07,519 You looking to get into the brownie business? 1616 01:11:07,559 --> 01:11:10,309 Why? Are you looking to sell your business? 1617 01:11:10,354 --> 01:11:11,354 Why not? 1618 01:11:11,813 --> 01:11:15,153 I have no personal stakes in it. It's just business to me. 1619 01:11:15,192 --> 01:11:17,322 And you've always liked collecting my things. 1620 01:11:17,819 --> 01:11:19,029 (INHALES DEEPLY) 1621 01:11:21,657 --> 01:11:22,657 (LOW GRUNT) 1622 01:11:25,618 --> 01:11:28,158 Okay. And since this one's coconut macadamia, 1623 01:11:28,204 --> 01:11:30,085 if you have a nut allergy, I don't want you anywhere near... 1624 01:11:30,164 --> 01:11:31,664 When's Michelle coming back? 1625 01:11:31,707 --> 01:11:32,957 I don't know, Chrystal. 1626 01:11:33,042 --> 01:11:34,342 She's like our leader. 1627 01:11:34,377 --> 01:11:36,167 My mom's gonna run this place. 1628 01:11:36,212 --> 01:11:38,592 Yes, I will be running the business 1629 01:11:39,131 --> 01:11:41,891 until Michelle comes back, or... 1630 01:11:41,926 --> 01:11:43,886 STEPHAN: Knock, knock. Hi, it's Stephan! 1631 01:11:44,512 --> 01:11:48,893 Hi! I have a message from the new owner of Darnell's Darlings, 1632 01:11:49,016 --> 01:11:50,386 Mr. Renault. 1633 01:11:50,685 --> 01:11:52,055 Uh, sorry, I think there's a mistake. 1634 01:11:52,145 --> 01:11:53,685 I'm one of the owners here. 1635 01:11:54,189 --> 01:11:56,319 This is an eviction notice. 1636 01:11:59,444 --> 01:12:00,654 She sold us out? 1637 01:12:01,529 --> 01:12:02,739 How could she do that? 1638 01:12:02,823 --> 01:12:04,243 Oh, she just did it. 1639 01:12:04,323 --> 01:12:05,873 Okay, let's kick this guy's ass! 1640 01:12:05,908 --> 01:12:07,038 Hey, shit brains! 1641 01:12:07,077 --> 01:12:08,197 Chrystal! 1642 01:12:08,244 --> 01:12:09,704 Protect me. Protect me. 1643 01:12:09,746 --> 01:12:11,996 This is not cowardice. She's very tall! 1644 01:12:15,752 --> 01:12:17,921 Really wish you'd let me kick his ass. 1645 01:12:29,557 --> 01:12:32,807 You know what? It was a good business decision. 1646 01:12:33,854 --> 01:12:36,904 Don't start feelin' bad about good... 1647 01:12:38,524 --> 01:12:39,564 (SIGHS) 1648 01:12:39,609 --> 01:12:41,109 Good decisions. 1649 01:12:42,404 --> 01:12:44,863 Why would Michelle do that to us? 1650 01:12:45,448 --> 01:12:47,158 I just don't get it. 1651 01:12:48,159 --> 01:12:49,489 (SOBBING) 1652 01:12:49,786 --> 01:12:50,945 (CLAIRE SIGHS) 1653 01:12:51,246 --> 01:12:56,166 Well, you know, sweetie, Michelle has got a lot of baggage. 1654 01:12:58,377 --> 01:13:00,007 She's an asshole. 1655 01:13:00,796 --> 01:13:02,216 Language. 1656 01:13:02,298 --> 01:13:03,298 Sorry. 1657 01:13:04,885 --> 01:13:08,354 But you're right. She is an asshole. 1658 01:13:11,850 --> 01:13:14,390 Darnell, you are a real asshole. 1659 01:13:27,533 --> 01:13:28,582 (GRUNTS) 1660 01:13:29,909 --> 01:13:31,199 Piece of shit. 1661 01:13:53,934 --> 01:13:55,394 (SNIFFLES) 1662 01:13:59,523 --> 01:14:00,523 CLAIRE: I know what I'm gonna do. 1663 01:14:00,774 --> 01:14:02,694 - I'm gonna sue the pants off her. - Oh... 1664 01:14:02,734 --> 01:14:05,493 No, I'm not because she'll throw too many lawyers at me 1665 01:14:05,529 --> 01:14:07,658 and she's a shark in court. 1666 01:14:07,698 --> 01:14:09,948 Yeah. This is a test. 1667 01:14:10,283 --> 01:14:12,243 You want me to kill her with this bagel knife. 1668 01:14:12,327 --> 01:14:13,617 - And I'll do it. - (CHUCKLES) 1669 01:14:13,703 --> 01:14:16,213 To pledge my allegiance to you, milady, I'll do it. 1670 01:14:16,247 --> 01:14:17,747 No. Thank you. 1671 01:14:19,001 --> 01:14:20,381 Ooh, you guys are kissing. 1672 01:14:20,836 --> 01:14:23,206 - Heya, Rachel! Hi. How are you? - Hi. 1673 01:14:23,255 --> 01:14:25,265 - Did you sleep over? - CLAIRE: Oh, God, no. 1674 01:14:25,381 --> 01:14:26,841 What, have a sleepover here? Ew. 1675 01:14:26,884 --> 01:14:28,054 - No, he didn't. - (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yuck! 1676 01:14:28,135 --> 01:14:30,185 - No, that would be terrible. - I don't know about "yuck". 1677 01:14:30,304 --> 01:14:31,354 I don't mean "yuck." I meant... 1678 01:14:31,430 --> 01:14:33,220 CLAIRE: Don't know if it'll... MIKE: I mean... 1679 01:14:33,265 --> 01:14:35,145 - It could be nice. - Might be nice. 1680 01:14:35,225 --> 01:14:37,265 - It's nice for people to spend the night. - We don't know yet. 1681 01:14:37,351 --> 01:14:39,231 - We don't know yet. - We don't know yet. 1682 01:14:39,729 --> 01:14:42,069 Would you please grab some more garbage bags? 1683 01:14:42,149 --> 01:14:43,649 We have a lot of trash. 1684 01:14:43,734 --> 01:14:44,863 Yeah. 1685 01:14:45,068 --> 01:14:46,698 Why did I make that so weird? 1686 01:14:46,737 --> 01:14:47,896 - It's fine. - Didn't have to. 1687 01:14:47,945 --> 01:14:49,405 - Didn't have to make it that weird. - (GASPS) 1688 01:14:50,157 --> 01:14:52,447 - Holy shit! - CLAIRE: Language! 1689 01:14:53,993 --> 01:14:55,413 Holy shit! 1690 01:14:55,578 --> 01:14:56,788 Uh... 1691 01:14:57,413 --> 01:15:00,333 This is all seeming probably so much 1692 01:15:00,458 --> 01:15:03,378 stranger than what I had intended. 1693 01:15:03,420 --> 01:15:06,260 I'm sorry to startle you, Rachel. 1694 01:15:06,340 --> 01:15:08,430 What are you doing in my closet? 1695 01:15:08,509 --> 01:15:11,088 Well, uh, to give you the whole... 1696 01:15:11,136 --> 01:15:13,845 I thought I have a great idea 1697 01:15:13,930 --> 01:15:17,020 to surprise you with an apology, 1698 01:15:17,100 --> 01:15:19,560 and my sincere "I'm sorry." 1699 01:15:19,603 --> 01:15:22,983 So I let myself in, in the middle of the night. 1700 01:15:23,064 --> 01:15:25,444 So once I was actually waiting here in the dark, 1701 01:15:25,484 --> 01:15:28,113 and you were getting up for the morning, I thought, "Uh-oh. 1702 01:15:28,153 --> 01:15:30,783 "This could seem kind of threatening and menacing." 1703 01:15:30,863 --> 01:15:32,623 And I panicked a little bit 1704 01:15:32,658 --> 01:15:35,618 and just darted into the closet. 1705 01:15:36,203 --> 01:15:40,292 So, surprise! I'm sorry. 1706 01:15:40,373 --> 01:15:43,844 And, dang it, I shouldn't have sold that company. 1707 01:15:45,002 --> 01:15:46,882 I think we're done. Okay, well... 1708 01:15:46,963 --> 01:15:50,434 You know... So thank you, I guess, for breaking into my home. 1709 01:15:50,466 --> 01:15:51,926 I said I was sorry. 1710 01:15:51,969 --> 01:15:54,009 Great. We heard you. Okay. 1711 01:15:54,095 --> 01:15:55,926 - I apologized. - I heard you. 1712 01:15:56,305 --> 01:15:57,636 There's the door. 1713 01:16:02,145 --> 01:16:03,475 You sold us out. 1714 01:16:04,480 --> 01:16:05,610 Yeah, I did. 1715 01:16:05,983 --> 01:16:10,203 I sold you out. And I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. 1716 01:16:10,279 --> 01:16:14,948 And I'm hoping, somehow, you can forgive me. 1717 01:16:14,992 --> 01:16:20,122 And I just wanna throw it out there that I have completely forgiven you, Claire, 1718 01:16:20,162 --> 01:16:23,922 for trying to sell me out first with Renault so... 1719 01:16:24,667 --> 01:16:26,667 What are you talking about? 1720 01:16:26,712 --> 01:16:27,752 I saw you. 1721 01:16:28,255 --> 01:16:32,095 Okay? I saw you and Ronald outside the bakery. 1722 01:16:32,176 --> 01:16:33,506 He was smelling your hand 1723 01:16:33,551 --> 01:16:35,971 - and I know what that means, okay? - (SCOFFS) 1724 01:16:36,095 --> 01:16:39,136 I mean, he has smelled many of my parts, 1725 01:16:40,016 --> 01:16:43,476 and I have smelled many of his parts. 1726 01:16:43,854 --> 01:16:46,694 I was telling Renault that I'm not willing 1727 01:16:46,856 --> 01:16:49,686 to sell him a single, solitary brownie, 1728 01:16:49,734 --> 01:16:51,704 let alone my entire company. 1729 01:16:52,362 --> 01:16:53,702 (STAMMERING) 1730 01:16:53,822 --> 01:16:55,782 That's a mix-up, huh? 1731 01:16:56,073 --> 01:17:00,703 Michelle, I would never in a million years do that to you, okay? 1732 01:17:00,746 --> 01:17:03,865 You know... I mean, God. What goes on in your brain? 1733 01:17:03,916 --> 01:17:05,036 I don't know. 1734 01:17:05,375 --> 01:17:08,744 I mean, I don't have a lot of, 1735 01:17:10,380 --> 01:17:14,760 you know, experience or a reference point for... 1736 01:17:14,842 --> 01:17:17,972 I didn't have a family, or a mom, or a dad. 1737 01:17:18,055 --> 01:17:22,274 And I totally get it if you never talk to me again. 1738 01:17:22,684 --> 01:17:25,404 So I don't want you to feel bad about that. 1739 01:17:25,479 --> 01:17:28,569 I just wanted you to know that I think you're very nice people. 1740 01:17:29,065 --> 01:17:31,225 Great people, actually. 1741 01:17:31,318 --> 01:17:35,358 You're the closest thing to a family I've ever had. 1742 01:17:35,404 --> 01:17:40,194 And I'm real sorry I screwed that up. 1743 01:17:42,746 --> 01:17:44,536 I'm gonna miss you, Michelle. 1744 01:17:46,792 --> 01:17:47,792 MIKE: Should I go? 1745 01:17:49,086 --> 01:17:51,336 I think I should go. 1746 01:17:51,421 --> 01:17:52,711 - Oh, my God. - It's an awkward time for me 1747 01:17:52,756 --> 01:17:54,416 to just be, like, creeping around in the background. 1748 01:17:54,507 --> 01:17:56,427 I had no idea you were still here. 1749 01:17:56,510 --> 01:17:58,140 - Should I go, or should I... - No, you're fine. 1750 01:17:58,220 --> 01:17:59,640 I do not like what you did. 1751 01:18:00,346 --> 01:18:04,176 I do not like it! And I do not like it. 1752 01:18:04,810 --> 01:18:06,979 She really doesn't like it, guys. 1753 01:18:08,855 --> 01:18:09,855 You know, I... 1754 01:18:10,565 --> 01:18:15,105 If anyone's curious, I do think I know how to fix this. 1755 01:18:16,029 --> 01:18:18,868 I signed that contract with Renault late Friday night. 1756 01:18:18,948 --> 01:18:21,948 I wanna remind you I was wounded, I was a little tipsy. 1757 01:18:22,034 --> 01:18:23,614 - CLAIRE: Oh, God. - Okay. 1758 01:18:24,078 --> 01:18:27,328 And it's Sunday. No one will be in his offices. 1759 01:18:27,416 --> 01:18:29,786 Plus, he can't file for a corporate change of ownership 1760 01:18:29,877 --> 01:18:31,747 until tomorrow morning. 1761 01:18:32,003 --> 01:18:33,253 I can get in there tonight, 1762 01:18:33,296 --> 01:18:36,377 I can get that contract, and I can take our company back. 1763 01:18:36,632 --> 01:18:38,132 Wait, what do you mean "get the contract"? 1764 01:18:38,176 --> 01:18:40,506 He must have scanned and emailed it a hundred times by now. 1765 01:18:40,595 --> 01:18:43,216 No, no, no. Anybody else, yes, but not him. 1766 01:18:43,306 --> 01:18:46,516 Ronald is completely paranoid about being hacked. Okay? 1767 01:18:46,601 --> 01:18:51,152 He has no cell phones, no emails. He leaves no digital trail. 1768 01:18:51,189 --> 01:18:53,479 Claire knows this. He's all old-school pen and paper. 1769 01:18:53,567 --> 01:18:54,936 It's the samurai way. 1770 01:18:55,444 --> 01:18:58,283 Okay, I'm in. Let's do this. I'm in. 1771 01:18:58,322 --> 01:18:59,572 CLAIRE: Why would you be in? 1772 01:18:59,655 --> 01:19:01,065 MIKE: What do you mean why would I be in? 1773 01:19:01,158 --> 01:19:02,158 You've been talking all morning about 1774 01:19:02,242 --> 01:19:03,992 how you wanted to get your company back. 1775 01:19:04,077 --> 01:19:06,827 And you guys are gonna need help, and I'm a helpful guy. 1776 01:19:06,913 --> 01:19:08,253 How's that for a reason? 1777 01:19:08,789 --> 01:19:10,170 You're gonna get rewarded for that. 1778 01:19:10,208 --> 01:19:12,338 MIKE: Well, that's not why I did it. 1779 01:19:12,793 --> 01:19:14,844 - I'm in, too. - MICHELLE: No, Claire. 1780 01:19:14,921 --> 01:19:17,011 This is my fault and I'm gonna fix it. 1781 01:19:17,090 --> 01:19:18,970 Michelle, this is my decision. 1782 01:19:19,009 --> 01:19:20,429 And I want our company back. 1783 01:19:20,511 --> 01:19:22,011 Yes, Claire. 1784 01:19:22,095 --> 01:19:23,965 All right, let's fuck this shit up. 1785 01:19:24,055 --> 01:19:26,176 - Language. - Sorry. I'm sorry. 1786 01:19:26,975 --> 01:19:28,475 I need to get a sitter. 1787 01:19:29,144 --> 01:19:30,404 Yeah, you do. 1788 01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:34,940 MICHELLE: As soon as we get out I want you to grab the gasoline, 1789 01:19:35,024 --> 01:19:36,395 some rags, and torch the van. 1790 01:19:36,484 --> 01:19:37,574 MIKE: What are you talking about? 1791 01:19:37,653 --> 01:19:39,073 I rented the van. It's on my credit card. 1792 01:19:39,154 --> 01:19:40,413 You go down, you go down alone. 1793 01:19:40,488 --> 01:19:42,118 How would we even get home? 1794 01:19:42,198 --> 01:19:43,988 That's a good point. MVP, Claire. 1795 01:19:44,076 --> 01:19:47,536 Uh-oh. There's no door handle back here. There's absolutely... Oh. 1796 01:19:47,912 --> 01:19:49,582 - Thank you, Claire. - (CLEARS THROAT) 1797 01:19:50,122 --> 01:19:52,292 Okay. I still don't think you should be here. 1798 01:19:52,376 --> 01:19:53,376 But if we get caught, 1799 01:19:53,502 --> 01:19:55,752 I want you to tell the police that I forced you here by gun. 1800 01:19:55,837 --> 01:19:57,007 You gotta watch out for Rachel. 1801 01:19:57,046 --> 01:19:58,917 Okay. You don't have a gun, though, right? 1802 01:19:59,006 --> 01:20:00,877 - What am I, a thug? - Okay. 1803 01:20:00,926 --> 01:20:03,506 MIKE: I'm such a badass! This is gonna be amazing! 1804 01:20:03,595 --> 01:20:05,885 Also, by the way, guys, I was googling jail sentences. 1805 01:20:05,972 --> 01:20:08,182 Since none of us are actually armed, minimal jail time. 1806 01:20:10,685 --> 01:20:12,805 Oops. Just excuse me for one minute. 1807 01:20:12,895 --> 01:20:13,935 (GASPS) Michelle! 1808 01:20:14,064 --> 01:20:15,194 Well, it's a collector's item. 1809 01:20:15,899 --> 01:20:16,899 Ditch it. 1810 01:20:18,277 --> 01:20:19,777 Chuckin' a gun in a garbage can. That's smart. 1811 01:20:19,862 --> 01:20:20,862 - What? - Oh, my God. 1812 01:20:20,904 --> 01:20:23,113 Okay! I know it was wrong. I self-corrected. 1813 01:20:23,198 --> 01:20:25,078 No, you didn't. I just asked you to throw... 1814 01:20:25,158 --> 01:20:27,448 Well, you made me throw it away. Okay. 1815 01:20:28,412 --> 01:20:30,332 Okay, there it is. Renault Enterprises. 1816 01:20:31,582 --> 01:20:35,381 The contract is probably in his private office, which is at the top of the building. 1817 01:20:35,418 --> 01:20:37,498 I'm guessing there's a safe, could be in the wall. 1818 01:20:37,587 --> 01:20:39,797 Could be behind one of those creepy paintings. 1819 01:20:39,881 --> 01:20:41,761 There's one guard on duty tonight. 1820 01:20:41,925 --> 01:20:43,465 Mike, I need you to distract the guard 1821 01:20:43,551 --> 01:20:46,301 while Claire lumbers in, and I follow behind like a cougar. 1822 01:20:47,055 --> 01:20:48,555 Okay, next, we head upstairs. 1823 01:20:48,599 --> 01:20:50,099 Claire, I'm gonna give you a head start 1824 01:20:50,184 --> 01:20:52,484 'cause I'm gonna take those motherfuckers 10 at a time. 1825 01:20:52,560 --> 01:20:55,150 You stand there with your mouth hangin' open, and pointin', 1826 01:20:55,229 --> 01:20:56,939 and I'll slide into home base. 1827 01:20:58,024 --> 01:21:00,034 Mike, I need you to distract the guard 1828 01:21:00,152 --> 01:21:02,152 by coming from the east, turning him around, 1829 01:21:02,237 --> 01:21:04,317 so when we approach, while you're sucking his dick, 1830 01:21:04,405 --> 01:21:05,815 we can get right past him. 1831 01:21:05,908 --> 01:21:07,278 So under no circumstances... 1832 01:21:07,326 --> 01:21:08,905 I'm sucking his what? 1833 01:21:09,161 --> 01:21:10,291 You're sucking his dick. 1834 01:21:10,369 --> 01:21:11,960 - I'm sucking his dick? - Oh. 1835 01:21:12,163 --> 01:21:13,333 MICHELLE: Well, I'm not gonna suck his dick. 1836 01:21:13,414 --> 01:21:16,244 I'm the brains behind it. The brains never sucks the dick. 1837 01:21:16,335 --> 01:21:18,385 - Why am I sucking his dick? - I don't wanna suck his dick! 1838 01:21:18,462 --> 01:21:20,462 Claire doesn't wanna suck his dick! 1839 01:21:20,546 --> 01:21:22,756 How 'bout none of us suck that man's penis? 1840 01:21:22,798 --> 01:21:24,298 Yeah, what if nobody sucks his dick? 1841 01:21:24,384 --> 01:21:25,514 No dick suckin'. 1842 01:21:26,470 --> 01:21:28,600 Well, I worked on that plan a long time. 1843 01:21:28,639 --> 01:21:30,639 Fine. Fine, let's go to plan B. 1844 01:21:30,724 --> 01:21:32,144 MIKE: Yeah, that sounds good. 1845 01:21:32,184 --> 01:21:34,944 If you're gonna be a baby and not suck dick, that's fine with me. 1846 01:21:45,738 --> 01:21:46,738 (GROANING) 1847 01:21:48,658 --> 01:21:50,448 - KENNY: Hey, there. - Hey! How you doing? 1848 01:21:50,493 --> 01:21:54,333 Is this 9800 Michigan? I'm late for a birthday party. 1849 01:21:54,413 --> 01:21:56,043 No, this is 9900. 1850 01:21:56,123 --> 01:21:57,713 - This is 9900? - Yeah. 1851 01:21:57,792 --> 01:21:58,962 - Well, wouldn't you know it? - Yeah. 1852 01:21:59,002 --> 01:22:00,171 Why are you dressed like that? 1853 01:22:00,253 --> 01:22:01,423 What are you dressed as? 1854 01:22:01,505 --> 01:22:02,515 I'm glad you asked me. 1855 01:22:02,588 --> 01:22:05,469 I am actually a demon. I'm a phoenix. 1856 01:22:05,676 --> 01:22:06,796 (SNICKERING) 1857 01:22:07,344 --> 01:22:08,604 Pretty cool, right? 1858 01:22:09,136 --> 01:22:10,176 Are you into demons? 1859 01:22:10,972 --> 01:22:13,063 Yeah. I know a fair amount. 1860 01:22:13,140 --> 01:22:14,230 KENNY: That is very cool. 1861 01:22:14,309 --> 01:22:15,809 MIKE: You can touch the feathers if you want. 1862 01:22:15,853 --> 01:22:18,193 Yeah, a lot of people don't know that. It was a demon. 1863 01:22:18,271 --> 01:22:21,521 It's actually pronounced Quetzalcóatl. 1864 01:22:21,567 --> 01:22:22,896 (WHISPERING) He's talking too much. 1865 01:22:22,984 --> 01:22:25,404 He'd be a lot quieter with a penis in his mouth. 1866 01:22:25,945 --> 01:22:27,155 - I'm into demons. - You are? 1867 01:22:27,197 --> 01:22:28,367 - Yeah. - I think you said that. 1868 01:22:28,407 --> 01:22:30,157 I really am. I do a lot of fantasy role-play. 1869 01:22:30,199 --> 01:22:31,659 That's so weird. 1870 01:22:31,702 --> 01:22:33,542 Yeah, gets a little boring in here sometimes. 1871 01:22:33,578 --> 01:22:35,248 - I bet. - I whistle. 1872 01:22:35,329 --> 01:22:36,960 - You whistle? - I whistle a lot in here. 1873 01:22:37,039 --> 01:22:38,119 - Let's hear some. - Yeah. 1874 01:22:38,207 --> 01:22:39,747 (WHISTLING) 1875 01:22:43,546 --> 01:22:45,256 Why is that one whistling? 1876 01:22:47,384 --> 01:22:48,724 Just kind of holding that one note. 1877 01:22:48,801 --> 01:22:51,971 Yeah, I like to do that. I like to play with bars and structures, things like that. 1878 01:22:52,055 --> 01:22:53,885 MIKE: You got a real hefty lung capacity there. 1879 01:22:53,931 --> 01:22:55,431 I never got your name. 1880 01:22:55,516 --> 01:22:58,806 - Yeah, it's... It's Jim. Jimberly. - Jim? 1881 01:22:59,188 --> 01:23:00,938 - Jimberly? - Jimberly Stevenson. 1882 01:23:01,439 --> 01:23:02,859 (MIKE YELLING) 1883 01:23:02,940 --> 01:23:04,320 What's going on? 1884 01:23:04,400 --> 01:23:06,990 It's a cramp! God, I got a cramp! 1885 01:23:07,069 --> 01:23:09,949 - Kenny! - All right. I can help you. I can help you. 1886 01:23:10,073 --> 01:23:12,332 - It's in the quad! No, it's in the quad. - Right here? Right here? 1887 01:23:12,408 --> 01:23:13,908 That's the top. That's the top. 1888 01:23:13,952 --> 01:23:15,082 KENNY: Okay? Right there? 1889 01:23:15,119 --> 01:23:16,500 MIKE: That's a little too close to the groin, Kenny. 1890 01:23:16,579 --> 01:23:17,579 That's a no-fly zone. 1891 01:23:17,622 --> 01:23:19,252 - All right? How's that? - Jelly. Back to square one. 1892 01:23:19,291 --> 01:23:20,751 - We're good? - Yup! Yup, yup. 1893 01:23:20,833 --> 01:23:22,293 - I don't wanna overdo it. - Phew. 1894 01:23:23,295 --> 01:23:24,885 Okay. Well, hey. 1895 01:23:24,921 --> 01:23:26,591 - Kenny, you're one of the good ones, man. - Yeah. 1896 01:23:26,631 --> 01:23:28,221 Yeah, not a lot of guys would do that for another guy. 1897 01:23:28,257 --> 01:23:30,047 - I'll do it for you. - Thanks, man. 1898 01:23:30,092 --> 01:23:31,932 - But we'll hang. We'll do it. - Yeah, we'll totally hang. 1899 01:23:31,970 --> 01:23:33,430 No big deal, buddy. All right, have a good one. 1900 01:23:33,514 --> 01:23:34,684 Bye, Jimberly. 1901 01:23:36,350 --> 01:23:38,600 That's an odd choice for a lobby sculpture. 1902 01:23:38,685 --> 01:23:39,685 He's an odd guy. 1903 01:23:39,770 --> 01:23:41,939 You know, they say he killed a man in Costa Rica. 1904 01:23:42,605 --> 01:23:43,605 What? 1905 01:23:48,278 --> 01:23:49,278 Oh, Jesus. 1906 01:23:49,779 --> 01:23:54,079 Jimberly. "J", "J". 1907 01:23:54,534 --> 01:23:56,454 Maybe it's "J-Y-M." 1908 01:23:56,953 --> 01:23:58,623 What the fuck? There's no Jimberlys. 1909 01:23:59,456 --> 01:24:01,246 Okay, well, where is it? 1910 01:24:01,291 --> 01:24:04,381 I'm sorry, I was a little tipsy last time I was here. 1911 01:24:04,461 --> 01:24:05,671 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 1912 01:24:06,462 --> 01:24:07,512 - Oh. - (GASPS) 1913 01:24:07,588 --> 01:24:09,469 - Oh, God! - Oh, my God. Guys, check us out! 1914 01:24:09,550 --> 01:24:11,800 We're total burglars. We burgle. We're burgling! 1915 01:24:11,969 --> 01:24:13,349 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1916 01:24:17,224 --> 01:24:19,274 I feel like this is going great. 1917 01:24:19,309 --> 01:24:22,809 Michelle, you brought trash bags, baby wipes, shower gel. 1918 01:24:22,854 --> 01:24:25,154 Do you actually think we're gonna need rope? 1919 01:24:27,109 --> 01:24:30,488 Come on! Every story about a burglar always involves rope. 1920 01:24:30,570 --> 01:24:31,911 - That's true. - It's in all the movies. 1921 01:24:31,988 --> 01:24:34,158 I am a mogul, not a cat burglar. 1922 01:24:34,240 --> 01:24:36,280 I'm also the only one that thought to bring provisions. 1923 01:24:37,159 --> 01:24:38,750 MIKE: Michelle, stop! I forgot, I'm sorry. 1924 01:24:39,537 --> 01:24:41,957 I stole the guard's keycard while he was massaging me. 1925 01:24:41,998 --> 01:24:43,248 - (CHUCKLING) - You stole his key? 1926 01:24:43,625 --> 01:24:44,625 Yeah. Okay. 1927 01:24:48,005 --> 01:24:49,555 MIKE: Somebody loves Mortal Kombat. 1928 01:24:49,631 --> 01:24:51,171 CLAIRE: Let's just find the contract and get outta here. 1929 01:24:51,257 --> 01:24:52,677 - Okay. - I bet you he put it in his panic room. 1930 01:24:52,759 --> 01:24:54,259 That's what I'd do if I had a panic room. 1931 01:24:54,344 --> 01:24:56,354 It's probably voice-activated, high-tech stuff in here. 1932 01:24:56,387 --> 01:24:57,467 Open desk. 1933 01:24:57,514 --> 01:24:59,184 - Yeah. Open desk! - CLAIRE: Open... 1934 01:24:59,224 --> 01:25:00,734 No, it was just manual. 1935 01:25:02,519 --> 01:25:04,519 I got it! In his desk drawer, 1936 01:25:04,604 --> 01:25:06,444 in a file marked "Darnell." 1937 01:25:06,523 --> 01:25:08,783 Probably overthought that one. It's classic Mike. 1938 01:25:08,859 --> 01:25:10,859 - MIKE: I do that a lot. - Let's go! 1939 01:25:10,944 --> 01:25:13,073 RENAULT: Son of a bitch, Stephan! You left the door open! 1940 01:25:14,698 --> 01:25:15,698 Oh. 1941 01:25:16,408 --> 01:25:17,618 Well, who do we have here? 1942 01:25:18,577 --> 01:25:22,407 Michelle Darnell, the baker and Quetzalcóatl. 1943 01:25:22,497 --> 01:25:24,707 That is impressive. I mean, you gotta give him that. 1944 01:25:24,750 --> 01:25:26,380 I'm not even wearing the mask. 1945 01:25:27,043 --> 01:25:30,054 That wouldn't be our contract you're holding, would it, Michelle? 1946 01:25:30,506 --> 01:25:33,126 You wouldn't be foolish enough to back out of our plan, would you? 1947 01:25:33,216 --> 01:25:35,886 You know what? It was never her company to sell. 1948 01:25:35,969 --> 01:25:39,009 - I own 50% of it, so... - RENAULT: Yeah. 1949 01:25:39,055 --> 01:25:41,725 - I may have fudged the initial paperwork. - You what? 1950 01:25:41,766 --> 01:25:43,136 - But I am sorry. - So, I'm not... 1951 01:25:43,226 --> 01:25:44,226 - And I will rectify... - Michelle! 1952 01:25:44,269 --> 01:25:46,149 You will be. You will be. I'm sorry. 1953 01:25:46,229 --> 01:25:49,649 I wonder, how should I approach this? 1954 01:25:54,613 --> 01:25:57,533 Call the proper authorities and turn you in? 1955 01:25:57,573 --> 01:25:59,913 Or we could just talk it out amongst ourselves. 1956 01:26:00,743 --> 01:26:02,793 Do you know what the fascinating thing is 1957 01:26:02,912 --> 01:26:04,962 about the Japanese martial arts? 1958 01:26:06,082 --> 01:26:07,502 The discipline. 1959 01:26:07,667 --> 01:26:08,997 (INHALES DEEPLY) Ya! 1960 01:26:10,045 --> 01:26:11,375 The integrity. 1961 01:26:14,966 --> 01:26:16,426 The loyalty. 1962 01:26:18,679 --> 01:26:20,099 Okay, okay, stop! 1963 01:26:20,137 --> 01:26:21,347 I'll do it. 1964 01:26:22,431 --> 01:26:24,101 - I'll suck your dick. - What? 1965 01:26:24,141 --> 01:26:25,442 MIKE: I don't wanna do it, 1966 01:26:25,519 --> 01:26:27,899 but if you promise not to hurt anybody in this room, 1967 01:26:27,938 --> 01:26:29,148 I'll suck your dick. 1968 01:26:29,230 --> 01:26:30,270 Mike, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1969 01:26:31,024 --> 01:26:32,363 - Oh, my God. Mike, no. - What? 1970 01:26:32,442 --> 01:26:34,112 - You don't want me to suck his dick? - No. 1971 01:26:34,152 --> 01:26:36,282 Wrong dick, wrong time, Mike. 1972 01:26:36,320 --> 01:26:37,320 - Wrong dick. - Wrong dick. 1973 01:26:37,405 --> 01:26:38,775 It was supposed to be the security guy's dick. 1974 01:26:38,865 --> 01:26:40,195 I was trying to be a team player. 1975 01:26:40,283 --> 01:26:42,453 Real eager, Claire. It's a red flag. 1976 01:26:42,536 --> 01:26:43,615 I don't like sucking dicks. 1977 01:26:43,703 --> 01:26:44,913 It's not my business. 1978 01:26:44,954 --> 01:26:46,295 RENAULT: Nobody's sucking my dick. 1979 01:26:46,372 --> 01:26:47,502 CLAIRE: Fair enough. 1980 01:26:47,582 --> 01:26:50,422 Well, that's the first time I've heard you say that, but... 1981 01:26:50,460 --> 01:26:51,460 I'm going to plan B, 1982 01:26:51,545 --> 01:26:53,135 my tongue has always been my sword. 1983 01:26:53,212 --> 01:26:54,212 MIKE: Okay. 1984 01:26:55,798 --> 01:26:57,798 Put the knife away, Ronald. 1985 01:26:58,092 --> 01:27:00,802 It's not a knife. It's a katana. 1986 01:27:00,845 --> 01:27:01,966 Katana. 1987 01:27:02,180 --> 01:27:05,480 You're not gonna cut anyone with that knife and we all know it. 1988 01:27:06,018 --> 01:27:07,057 (GASPS) 1989 01:27:07,144 --> 01:27:08,314 MIKE: Oh, shit! 1990 01:27:08,353 --> 01:27:10,813 Big bird, blondie, over there! Go! Scoot! 1991 01:27:10,855 --> 01:27:12,265 MIKE: Okay. All right, easy! 1992 01:27:13,734 --> 01:27:14,783 (GROANS) 1993 01:27:14,818 --> 01:27:15,858 Oh, shit. 1994 01:27:17,237 --> 01:27:19,407 Are you crazy, Ron? I'm bleeding! 1995 01:27:19,655 --> 01:27:21,115 Give me back what's mine. 1996 01:27:21,158 --> 01:27:22,408 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1997 01:27:22,492 --> 01:27:23,702 Michelle! 1998 01:27:25,244 --> 01:27:26,654 - Oh, hello, old friend! - Get off! 1999 01:27:27,663 --> 01:27:28,753 Oh, God, I've missed this. 2000 01:27:28,832 --> 01:27:31,252 God, you keep that shit tight. No! 2001 01:27:31,710 --> 01:27:32,710 (GRUNTING) 2002 01:27:33,503 --> 01:27:34,634 CLAIRE: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 2003 01:27:34,755 --> 01:27:35,925 Michelle, get up! Get up! 2004 01:27:36,256 --> 01:27:37,256 (GROANING) 2005 01:27:38,341 --> 01:27:39,511 MIKE: Just get up. 2006 01:27:40,135 --> 01:27:41,585 MICHELLE: Okay, let's be reasonable. 2007 01:27:41,677 --> 01:27:43,927 You know, I'm sure we can come to some kind of an agreement. 2008 01:27:44,347 --> 01:27:45,518 Oh, we're past that point. 2009 01:27:45,556 --> 01:27:47,806 For the first time in my life, I'm trying to do the right thing! 2010 01:27:47,850 --> 01:27:49,600 This is not about me and you! 2011 01:27:49,685 --> 01:27:51,345 You don't even want our company! 2012 01:27:51,395 --> 01:27:54,935 That's true, but you screwed me over 25 years ago, you bitch. 2013 01:27:55,692 --> 01:27:57,532 I thought sending you to prison would help, 2014 01:27:57,610 --> 01:28:00,661 but cutting you to ribbons is the only way I'll get satisfaction! 2015 01:28:01,364 --> 01:28:02,375 (GRUNTS) 2016 01:28:02,698 --> 01:28:03,868 - Had enough? - (GRUNTING) 2017 01:28:04,868 --> 01:28:05,868 Shit. 2018 01:28:06,244 --> 01:28:08,255 - Oh, check this out. - MICHELLE: Fucking psycho! 2019 01:28:10,498 --> 01:28:11,498 (GRUNTING) 2020 01:28:12,042 --> 01:28:13,042 Back up. 2021 01:28:13,627 --> 01:28:14,957 (YELLING) 2022 01:28:15,212 --> 01:28:16,212 Look at that! 2023 01:28:16,546 --> 01:28:18,417 Just a figure eight. It's like double Dutch! 2024 01:28:18,506 --> 01:28:19,546 That's not how you do it. 2025 01:28:19,716 --> 01:28:20,756 Yeah, looks like I'm doing it. 2026 01:28:20,842 --> 01:28:23,092 Look at that. I can bob, somebody can weave. 2027 01:28:23,177 --> 01:28:24,217 You see this shit. 2028 01:28:24,345 --> 01:28:25,886 Ow! God! 2029 01:28:28,891 --> 01:28:30,391 Huh? Twelve years of baton. 2030 01:28:30,435 --> 01:28:32,185 Everybody likes to make fun of the baton girls. 2031 01:28:32,229 --> 01:28:34,649 Seven, eight, one, two, three, four... 2032 01:28:37,734 --> 01:28:38,743 (GASPING) 2033 01:28:38,902 --> 01:28:40,282 Just give him the contract! 2034 01:28:40,362 --> 01:28:42,862 No! I'm getting our company back! 2035 01:28:43,573 --> 01:28:44,823 (BOTH GRUNTING) 2036 01:28:52,666 --> 01:28:53,706 (SCREAMS) 2037 01:28:54,208 --> 01:28:56,798 (EXCLAIMING) I will cut you in your white meat! 2038 01:28:56,878 --> 01:28:58,088 - What? - Oh, my God. 2039 01:28:58,796 --> 01:28:59,837 Ha! 2040 01:28:59,922 --> 01:29:01,422 Now we both have swords, huh? 2041 01:29:01,507 --> 01:29:02,967 What is happening? 2042 01:29:03,051 --> 01:29:04,180 Pretty fucking literal, Claire! 2043 01:29:04,261 --> 01:29:07,511 We're having a sword fight. We're both fighting with swords. 2044 01:29:07,597 --> 01:29:09,927 I haven't been with another woman since I've been with you. 2045 01:29:10,016 --> 01:29:13,436 Really? I've been with hundreds of men. 2046 01:29:13,770 --> 01:29:14,899 You whore! 2047 01:29:15,021 --> 01:29:16,362 (GRUNTING) 2048 01:29:20,319 --> 01:29:21,649 Oh, shit! 2049 01:29:24,280 --> 01:29:25,280 Claire! 2050 01:29:27,701 --> 01:29:29,371 CLAIRE: Michelle, let's go! MIKE: Michelle, come on! 2051 01:29:29,453 --> 01:29:30,542 (BOTH GROANING) 2052 01:29:30,621 --> 01:29:32,161 It's been so long. 2053 01:29:33,539 --> 01:29:35,630 That's enough! It's too hot. 2054 01:29:39,421 --> 01:29:40,511 (BARKING) 2055 01:29:44,426 --> 01:29:46,006 Wait a minute! Why are we running up? 2056 01:29:46,136 --> 01:29:48,296 I don't know, it was the only door. I'm doing the best I can! 2057 01:29:48,346 --> 01:29:50,266 I should not be running with a sword! 2058 01:29:51,140 --> 01:29:53,140 Okay, all right! Okay. All right. There's gotta be a way down! 2059 01:29:53,185 --> 01:29:54,604 Get away from there. Come here. 2060 01:29:54,685 --> 01:29:56,095 Michelle, I'm not so good with heights, you know. 2061 01:29:56,145 --> 01:29:57,305 I'm feeling kind of tingly. 2062 01:29:57,355 --> 01:30:00,525 Claire, look at me. You have been on a helipad before and it's gonna be fine. 2063 01:30:00,609 --> 01:30:02,939 Right. Right, but then they weren't chasing us with swords! 2064 01:30:03,654 --> 01:30:06,913 You make a good point. Claire, I'm sorry I got you into this. 2065 01:30:06,989 --> 01:30:08,319 RENAULT: Michelle! 2066 01:30:08,367 --> 01:30:09,947 STEPHAN: God, I need to do more cardio. 2067 01:30:09,993 --> 01:30:12,162 Go over there. Go over there! Be careful. 2068 01:30:13,162 --> 01:30:14,662 You left so suddenly. 2069 01:30:14,747 --> 01:30:17,667 Okay, let them go. I'm the one you want. 2070 01:30:19,002 --> 01:30:21,801 You know, I killed a man in Costa Rica with this sword. 2071 01:30:22,588 --> 01:30:25,878 I guess you would call it my killing sword. 2072 01:30:27,010 --> 01:30:28,010 (SHOUTING) 2073 01:30:28,095 --> 01:30:29,104 (BOTH GRUNTING) 2074 01:30:37,563 --> 01:30:39,063 You're terrible in bed! 2075 01:30:39,605 --> 01:30:40,605 I know. 2076 01:30:40,774 --> 01:30:41,823 (WHIMPERING) 2077 01:30:41,859 --> 01:30:42,979 Oh, my God! Michelle! 2078 01:30:43,527 --> 01:30:44,936 Whoa. Honey! Let her go, Claire! 2079 01:30:45,028 --> 01:30:46,698 She's making a fortune in heaven. 2080 01:30:47,864 --> 01:30:50,034 Hey, hey. Hey, smile! 2081 01:30:50,074 --> 01:30:52,534 Okay, everyone take it easy. 2082 01:30:52,578 --> 01:30:54,078 I've been filming this the whole time. 2083 01:30:54,579 --> 01:30:56,869 Take the sword away from her or I swear to God I'm gonna hit "send." 2084 01:30:57,457 --> 01:30:59,537 Yeah, you're not gonna hit "send" 2085 01:30:59,710 --> 01:31:01,800 because I'm gonna chop your hand off. 2086 01:31:01,878 --> 01:31:02,998 - (GRUNTING) - CLAIRE: No! 2087 01:31:03,046 --> 01:31:04,336 Oh, my God. 2088 01:31:04,381 --> 01:31:06,131 - Brother! - RENAULT: No! 2089 01:31:06,216 --> 01:31:09,506 Son of a... (YELLS) Samurai! 2090 01:31:09,552 --> 01:31:10,682 Shut up! 2091 01:31:10,761 --> 01:31:13,641 Oh, thank goodness! Michelle, are you all right? 2092 01:31:13,724 --> 01:31:14,774 MICHELLE: I'm fine! 2093 01:31:15,057 --> 01:31:16,978 I'm about to feel much better. 2094 01:31:18,186 --> 01:31:19,556 - RENAULT: No. - Yes! 2095 01:31:19,979 --> 01:31:22,399 Be wrong to ask for your forgiveness? 2096 01:31:24,109 --> 01:31:25,738 It's Ron talking. 2097 01:31:26,904 --> 01:31:28,663 - Oh, Ron! - I'm sorry. 2098 01:31:28,947 --> 01:31:32,237 Renault, do you still need me to hold them at bay? 2099 01:31:34,411 --> 01:31:35,411 Oh, my God. 2100 01:31:35,453 --> 01:31:36,503 Come here. 2101 01:31:37,456 --> 01:31:38,456 Ow. 2102 01:31:38,832 --> 01:31:39,832 Ow. 2103 01:31:41,251 --> 01:31:44,881 Michelle, don't make out with the sociopath! 2104 01:31:45,087 --> 01:31:47,717 I know. You make a good point. 2105 01:31:48,300 --> 01:31:49,930 But this is really good stuff. 2106 01:31:49,967 --> 01:31:51,177 Victim here. 2107 01:31:51,261 --> 01:31:52,600 Michelle! 2108 01:31:54,765 --> 01:31:58,354 CLAIRE: Michelle! He literally tried to kill you! 2109 01:31:58,435 --> 01:32:00,595 MICHELLE: I know. But his mouth didn't! 2110 01:32:08,237 --> 01:32:12,067 MICHELLE: Okay! Attention, everyone! 2111 01:32:12,114 --> 01:32:15,944 I just wanna say what a great first year for the Darnell's Darlings. 2112 01:32:15,993 --> 01:32:19,253 And what a great first house for Rachel and Claire. 2113 01:32:19,288 --> 01:32:20,618 (ALL CHEERING) 2114 01:32:20,707 --> 01:32:21,787 MIKE: Cheers! 2115 01:32:21,833 --> 01:32:25,884 Finally, they have a decent guestroom so I can stay over when I get blasted. 2116 01:32:25,962 --> 01:32:27,632 - CLAIRE: Michelle. - What's "blasted"? 2117 01:32:27,672 --> 01:32:29,922 I'll show you in about three drinks. (LAUGHING) 2118 01:32:30,050 --> 01:32:31,840 - No, she won't. - MICHELLE: I'm kidding. 2119 01:32:31,926 --> 01:32:33,136 But if I can, 2120 01:32:33,220 --> 01:32:35,220 can I take a serious note for a minute, 2121 01:32:35,305 --> 01:32:37,925 and I just wanna say I'm proud of you. 2122 01:32:37,975 --> 01:32:40,645 You've built a great family home here for you and Rachel. 2123 01:32:40,685 --> 01:32:43,975 And I'm awfully glad that I get to be a part of that. So. 2124 01:32:44,730 --> 01:32:45,900 Thank you, Michelle. 2125 01:32:45,983 --> 01:32:47,113 Thank you. 2126 01:32:47,149 --> 01:32:50,489 Oh, and thank you for the new sofa! You really shouldn't have done that. 2127 01:32:51,113 --> 01:32:52,823 Oh, well, I should have, though. 2128 01:32:52,864 --> 01:32:56,454 I mean, the old one was very uncomfortable and very dangerous. 2129 01:32:56,493 --> 01:32:58,332 But don't worry. I don't wanna hear it. 2130 01:32:58,412 --> 01:33:01,122 I did donate it to just the right person. 2131 01:33:05,961 --> 01:33:07,211 (THUDDING) 2132 01:33:08,171 --> 01:33:09,341 Hannah! 2133 01:33:10,298 --> 01:33:12,679 Michelle Darnell just sent us a sofa bed. 2134 01:33:12,759 --> 01:33:15,759 You know what I call that? A victory. I win. 2135 01:33:16,555 --> 01:33:17,725 Whatever. 2136 01:33:19,515 --> 01:33:20,845 Oh, it is comfortable. 2137 01:33:23,186 --> 01:33:25,106 Ah. (CHUCKLING) 2138 01:33:26,105 --> 01:33:27,185 It's comfortable... 2139 01:33:27,399 --> 01:33:28,399 (YELLING) 2140 01:33:29,775 --> 01:33:31,105 Darnell! 2141 01:35:37,863 --> 01:35:39,863 I may have had a little bit of your Scotch last night 2142 01:35:39,948 --> 01:35:42,988 and I got into the most wonderful chip. 2143 01:35:43,076 --> 01:35:45,246 It was called a Dorito. 2144 01:35:45,369 --> 01:35:46,659 (BOTH GIGGLING) 2145 01:35:49,666 --> 01:35:52,336 I've had wonderful Vermont ched... 2146 01:35:52,418 --> 01:35:53,838 (BOTH GIGGLING) 2147 01:35:54,712 --> 01:35:56,512 I'm so sorry. God, I'm a hack. 2148 01:35:56,756 --> 01:35:58,167 MICHELLE: Hi, Rachel. 2149 01:35:58,216 --> 01:35:59,466 It's Rachel! 2150 01:35:59,510 --> 01:36:00,970 That's what I said. 2151 01:36:01,636 --> 01:36:02,636 DIRECTOR: One more time. 2152 01:36:02,720 --> 01:36:03,930 (ALL GIGGLING) 2153 01:36:04,555 --> 01:36:07,055 I'm an icon. I am not a professional burger. 2154 01:36:07,600 --> 01:36:08,940 (LAUGHING) 2155 01:36:10,686 --> 01:36:12,606 But I like burgers. 2156 01:36:13,023 --> 01:36:15,153 I took the guard's keycard. Oh, fuck me. 2157 01:36:15,192 --> 01:36:17,442 I took the card from the geek. What the fuck is it? 2158 01:36:17,528 --> 01:36:18,948 I took the guard's keycard. 2159 01:36:19,029 --> 01:36:20,198 I took the card from the geek. 2160 01:36:20,238 --> 01:36:21,819 (LAUGHING) Oh, my God. Again. 2161 01:36:21,864 --> 01:36:22,864 Katana. 2162 01:36:23,367 --> 01:36:24,987 Oh, gosh. Sorry. 2163 01:36:25,786 --> 01:36:28,865 - CLAIRE: Stop picking up wood! Michelle! - (CREW LAUGHING) 2164 01:36:33,543 --> 01:36:34,673 DIRECTOR: Here we go. 2165 01:36:34,711 --> 01:36:35,961 Oh, God. I'm gonna pee my pants. 2166 01:36:37,421 --> 01:36:38,471 (BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER) 2167 01:36:38,548 --> 01:36:40,759 Oh, my God. No. Please give me one more shot. 2168 01:36:42,051 --> 01:36:43,051 - You pop... - (GIGGLING) 2169 01:36:44,136 --> 01:36:46,386 When you left my life... (STAMMERING) Shit. Fuck. 2170 01:36:46,472 --> 01:36:49,313 What was that? I should've been so... 2171 01:36:49,393 --> 01:36:51,733 Meryl Streep would've just kept going. 2172 01:36:51,770 --> 01:36:54,560 I stand corrected. Do you want some nuts? 2173 01:36:54,730 --> 01:36:55,980 (GIGGLING) 2174 01:36:56,440 --> 01:36:57,570 So we can get to the elevators 2175 01:36:57,609 --> 01:36:59,109 - while you're sucking his dick. - (GIGGLING) 2176 01:36:59,653 --> 01:37:00,863 Wait. I'm sorry. 2177 01:37:00,904 --> 01:37:05,783 I'm so sorry. I saw it coming from a mile away. I'm so sorry. 2178 01:37:06,451 --> 01:37:07,990 Okay. I can get in there. 2179 01:37:08,078 --> 01:37:10,868 I can get the contract and I can take back our country. 2180 01:37:10,913 --> 01:37:12,043 DIRECTOR: What do you mean "take..." 2181 01:37:12,164 --> 01:37:13,244 - God damn it. (GIGGLING) - (CREW LAUGHING) 2182 01:37:14,667 --> 01:37:17,417 I object to parolees attending our meetings 2183 01:37:17,462 --> 01:37:19,591 and I'd like to put that in the official transcreept... 2184 01:37:19,672 --> 01:37:20,882 (CHUCKLING) 2185 01:37:21,048 --> 01:37:23,048 I made a good business... 2186 01:37:24,677 --> 01:37:27,597 You know what? You made a good business... 2187 01:37:27,639 --> 01:37:31,689 Really? You fucking kidding me? I can't say "decision." 2188 01:37:31,935 --> 01:37:33,225 - CLAIRE: Language, Michelle. - Yeah. 2189 01:37:33,645 --> 01:37:34,805 Good night! 2190 01:37:34,979 --> 01:37:36,270 (CREW LAUGHING) 2191 01:37:36,439 --> 01:37:38,109 You think they'll ever yell "cut"? 2192 01:37:38,609 --> 01:37:39,939 (LAUGHING) 2193 01:37:40,068 --> 01:37:42,018 No.