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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
TASHA: Thanks. Have a good class.
Okay, someone has to address the towel situation.
Because, like, I labeled the bins
specifically for certain towels.
Hi, Renee Bennett.
Oh.
Uh, Renee Bennett. Is this not where I go?
No, this is where you go. Just sign in here.
-Do you need shoes? -Yes.
-Okay, what size? -Eight.
-Eight? -Seven.
-Seven. Okay. -Nine and a half.
A nine and a half?
-Nine... -Okay. Yeah.
Double-wide?
Double what?
Double-wide.
Like the trailer?
-Um... -Double-wide. Just...
(LOUDLY) Do we have a double-wide shoe?
It's just like a regular shoe, but it's wider,
and then it's wider for that.
I guess for just wider feet.
You know what, I think we have a male instructor
who used to be, like, a fireman.
Maybe he matches your big foot?
I'm just going to take these. These are perfect.
Okay. Have a good class.
So, your first time?
Mmm-hmm.
Me, too.
-Really? -Yeah.
We all got to start somewhere, right?
Yeah.
-All right, well, good luck. -Yeah.
-See you in there. -See you.
Sorry.
-(ALL EXCLAIMING) -(GRUNTS)
Oh, shit, are you okay?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
Yeah.
No, seriously, are you okay? 'Cause that looks bad.
Yeah, no, I'm just going to get some smaller shoes.
-Are you okay? -Um... Yeah.
Hey, guys, this is Jen, and today I wanted to share
another really cool hair tutorial with you.
This look is a very punk rock faux-hawk using ponytails.
I'm going to start at the top
and add a bump to the top of my head.
Back comb with some hair spray
until you have a lot of volume there.
Now I'm taking another little section
a little bit wider.
Now tie this part back.
Now at the very end of your ponytail,
I have this little bit of hair at the end.
So I'm just going to give it a lot of volume.
So, this is the final look.
I hope you guys enjoyed this rock star,
kind of punk rock mohawk faux-hawk.
If you did, don't forget to give this video
a thumbs up and subscribe to the channel
for more hair tutorials.
This is Jen, and I will talk to you guys next time.
(SIGHS)
-Hi. -Hi.
Are you shopping for a gift?
No, just kind of browsing for me.
Okay. Um... So sizing is a little limited
here in the store,
but you could probably find your size online.
Hey, hi.
(CRYING)
A guy ran by. It was weird.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-I'm trying. -Just, like, ask.
Just get in there.
(KEYS JANGLING)
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
Mason?
Should we have more, like, banter?
Nah, I'm good.
We should have fun in here.
We should come in and be, like, excited to interact.
I had sex last night.
Uh... Oh, cool.
I was alone.
Forget it.
Did you get that email from Corporate?
Complaints about the Clafoutis lipstick?
The Clafoutis?
Customers are saying
it's way more orange than it looks online.
No. Okay, then tell me
this isn't the exact same color.
Look at this.
Look.
I just write code.
Come on, Mason.
This is exactly why they should just
let us run the website
from the 5th Avenue headquarters.
Right?
God!
Why does Lily LeClaire, like, hide us
in this weird Chinatown basement?
I'm so sick of it. Aren't you sick of this?
No.
I'm getting out of here. I'm getting a coffee.
A real coffee. Not that crap.
Do you want anything?
-Bagutti. -You mean a baguette?
-Yeah. -You want a whole baguette?
Half.
Half a baguette. That's not weird.
-Yeah? -Yeah,
the highlighter does it.
Viv, you look gorgeous.
-Right? -You look really beautiful.
Ooh.
Wow. I mean, I do look pretty.
Just... I don't know if I look like me.
No, you don't look like yourself.
But you do look like Selena Gomez
in that video where she says, "It ain't me."
It is you. Like, I recreated it.
Are you sure I don't look like sort of a lady of the night?
Like a prostitute?
Come over here, boys.
No, and they don't talk like that anymore.
Like, it's kind of rad that your work
lets you take all this stuff.
I know.
Well, it's more like implied...
You know, they're not like, "Here's a gift bag."
-But I steal it. -(LAUGHING)
No, but a lot of it's recalled.
They wouldn't care.
Like, this one they said looks like contraception.
Oh, hey, it really does.
That's exactly what my pill pack looks like.
Yeah, but a lot of people like having sex
and not having a baby,
so I don't know what the problem is.
I met this baby the other day
that was, like, wack as hell. Honestly.
-Really? -Okay.
This is the Groupie sight?
It's not "Groupie." It's Grouper Date.
And you're not bailing because we need three people
in order to get matched on a date.
-Yes. -Yeah, but look at them.
Come look at these pictures.
These are the people we're competing with?
Three Eurasian cocktail waitresses.
VIVIAN: Yeah?
RENEE: Three Australian wakeboarders.
And the Hadids!
Is that the mom?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
I'm not competing with this. I'm not doing it.
Well, Renee, the thing is, like, different kinds of men
are looking for different things.
VIVIAN: Like, I mean, I know
that my guy is going to be interested
in the fact that I like true crime
and inter-species animal friendships.
Please...
And I've added them all on dares...
No, don't put that on the profile.
My God, Viv, nobody cares about the profile.
No one even looks at the profile.
The picture is all that matters,
and you get a picture of yourself
and you feel, like, really good about it
and you hide your double chin, you hide your acne,
and you hide your cellulite.
And then when the guy meets you in person,
he's, like, so disappointed.
Or you take a picture of yourself
where you feel like it really looks like you.
And then you check your profile
and no one is liking it or clicking it or twitting it
or poking you.
And you didn't even want
to go out with this guy in the first place.
But he's rejecting you, and it's not fair,
and I'm sick of it.
Well...
You raise a lot of interesting points, Renee.
And thank you for that pep talk.
Yes, thank you.
JANE: I feel like this is exactly what we needed.
You guys are jerks.
Let's just take a fun picture.
-Yeah. -Let's just do it.
-I'm a photo queen! -Look at this face!
-Whoo! -Okay.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
That's not good.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
We look like we're being attacked, Viv.
JANE: That's bad. RENEE: I look mid-poop.
It looks like you're, like, having sex with me.
(CAMERA CONTINUES CLICKING)
-(GLASS CLANKING) -Viv!
Okay...
Come on... And three.
VIVIAN: And that's the one.
-(SIGHS) -(BEEPING)
What the hell, Mason?
I spilled salad dressing on myself.
God, look, I know this office
isn't the epicenter of anything,
but once we stop feeling compelled
to participate in things like pants,
we've gone too far outside the social contract.
We're in a crisis, Renee. The server's down.
It's happened before, it always
comes back online, but not this time.
No... Wait, wait.
How are we going to get the web traffic reports
to Corporate for their 11:00 a.m.?
It's our only job in this stupid office!
I'm already printing out the reports,
and it's not stupid.
Maybe a little.
Either way, you can leave our stupid office
in about 10 seconds.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You think I'm going to Lily LeClaire today?
(SCOFFING) Oh, no, I am not going to Lily LeClaire.
I promise you that, okay.
-I did not shower. -You never shower.
I never shower for work.
Okay, I shower at night.
When I shower is my business. I'm not going there.
No, I'm wearing bathing suit bottoms
'cause I have no clean undies.
I have a Bed Bath and Beyond bag
for my purse. No!
Repeat after me.
I am brave.
-I am brave. -I am blonde.
-And I got this.
And I got this.
-I am brave! -I am brave!
-I am blonde! -I am blonde!
-And I got this! -And I got this!
I am brave!
(SCREAMING)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
For Steve in Marketing.
Okay, great. I'll make sure she gets them.
(GASPS)
Is that Avery LeClaire?
-Yeah. -There she is again. Oh!
(WHISPERS) Oh, my God. She's right there.
Is that so cool?
What's that?
You know, being the receptionist here?
Just being around it all?
No, I'm just an intern filling in.
They're trying to find a new receptionist, actually.
Shut up.
Oh, come on. It's like a dream job.
Um, I'll make sure Marketing gets these papers.
Okay.
I'm gonna head out.
AVERY: Can we all say hello to my grandmother, Lily,
who will be joining us today?
-Hello, Lily. -(APPLAUSE)
We are in our third quarter of our fiscal year,
and as you are all aware the research results
have come in on our diffusion line.
Do you have to say "diffusion" like that?
-Like what? -Like it means "low end"?
It does mean "low end."
It also means "accessible."
Or "thoughtfully priced."
Say it like that.
Okay.
It seems that we have some work to do
on our diffusion line
because we are new to the diffusion landscape.
We need to get people used to seeing
our products not just at Saks and Bendel's,
but also at Target and Kohl's.
Jenn, go.
Well, it says here that 74%
of core diffusion demo respondents
strongly believe that we are
elitist pricks.
Okay, so what I am hearing is that
we need to pivot in order...
This is not rocket science, Avery.
We're just trying to start
a line of accessible cosmetics at Target.
Who here has gone makeup shopping at Target?
-You? -No!
-Either of you? -Mmm.
No.
Unbelievable.
People think that we are elitists
who do not belong at Target,
and they may be right.
But when people walk into this office,
I want them to see that Lily LeClaire
includes everyone.
Even bargain shoppers.
"Must be passionate about beauty..."
Me.
"...and dream of sitting in our lobby..."
Me.
"...at the center of it all. (CHUCKLES)
"Must be stylish and full of confidence."
I mean...
Maybe not full of confidence.
"The first face people see when they come to our office,
"in some ways, the real face of our beauty line."
(SIGHS) Whatever.
Yes, it is the perfect job,
of course I know that. I'm just...
I don't even see a point in applying.
I have no shot.
Yeah.
I'm not exactly the face they're looking for.
Oh. Hey, Jane, can I call you back?
Hi.
Um, Renee. We kind of met at SoulCycle...
-Oh, my God. -Yeah, yeah.
How's your vagina?
-Oh. -Like, the whole region?
(CHUCKLES) Thanks for asking.
The region is kind of as good as can be expected.
Was there blood?
There was not not-blood.
Hey, hi.
Wow.
-Hi. -I'm sorry,
I'm so lost.
Could you tell me where to find that squeezy dish soap?
-Uh... -Now, you're probably
wondering why I'm not asking, you know,
the person that obviously works here.
But...
I don't work here.
But I've gotten really good at dishes.
And so, I was just wondering
if you might have some dishes...
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry, I forgot.
It's in aisle 10.
-Hey, we're good, sir. -Oh.
I was thinking, you can give me your number...
Um, I'm so sorry, I don't give out my number.
It's nice to meet you.
-So... -It's nice to meet you.
Good luck with the dishes and everything else.
Thank you.
Does that kind of stuff happen all the time?
What, him?
Yeah, like a guy, like, trying to hook up
with you in a totally normal place?
Yeah, I'm sure that happens to you all the time, too.
Uh, no.
That has literally never happened to me in my life.
Yeah, well, I don't believe you.
Wait, can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
Did you ever go on a trip to, like, Italy or something,
and you land at the airport and then, like,
you meet these two guys,
and they're like, "Hey, come on this yacht with us,"
and then you wind up going on a yacht trip in, like, Capri.
And it's like this whole other part
of your trip you didn't even foresee.
-But, like... -(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
I had one like that last summer.
In Greece, though, not Italy.
I knew it.
-I knew it! I knew it! -Yeah.
God, I knew that stuff happened.
Oh, man, I've just...
I've always wondered what it feels like to be just
undeniably pretty.
And just have all those parts in life open up to you
that you only get to experience
when you look like you.
Just once...
I mean...
I don't think that this mascara
or Wet n Wild bronzer
can do that kind of heavy lifting. So...
I'll just pray for a miracle.
Hey. It's not in 10.
Nine. It was aisle nine. Do you want me to show you?
Can we get you back to register two?
I don't work here.
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
JOSH: Make my wish right.
I wish I were big.
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(JOSH READING)
(THUNDER CRASHING)
This is crazy! This is crazy!
I wish...
I wish I was beautiful!
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPING)
Please.
Please, please, please. Please.
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
What's up, SoHo, I'm Luna!
(CHEERING)
Are you ready?
All right, y'all, I don't know
what you came in here for today,
but what I do know is that the miracle is already here.
You just have to open your heart and receive it.
I want you to look in the mirror
and visualize the change you came in here for.
Is it spiritual? Is it physical?
Is it emotional?
Today I want you to look in the mirror.
You're not going to see what you normally see.
Today you're going to see
what you've always wanted to be.
So, you ready to get your life?
SoHo, are you ready to get your life?
-(CHEERING) -Change your life!
Change your body! Change your life!
Yeah!
-Three, two, one! -(YELLS)
(DISTORTED SCREAMING)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
Oh, my God, are you okay?
-(THUDS) -(ALL GASP)
(GAGS)
We got a white girl down.
(GROANS)
TASHA: Hey.
You hit your head really hard on the way down.
Sorry. Oh, God.
(GROANS)
Here's an ice pack.
Oh, God, thank you.
And some water.
And we have a complimentary bandana.
You didn't have to do that. This is too much.
This is huge. (EXHALES)
Did something happen to your arm?
Should I call a doctor?
Yeah... (GASPS)
(EXCLAIMS)
Are your legs okay?
No! They're not okay.
They're amazing. Oh, my God.
Do I look super toned to you?
Uh...
I don't know how to answer that.
-Oh, my God, feel my abs! -Uh...
Rock hard, right?
Feels full.
-It's a rock. -Uh-huh.
Wait...
Wait.
Wait, no.
Wait.
-That's me? -Yeah.
No.
What? Oh, my God, do you see this?
Yes?
I mean... Look at me! Look at my jawline!
No, no, I always wanted this to happen.
You dream this will happen,
but I never thought it would really happen!
I mean, look at me!
Look at my boobs! Look at my ass!
I'm beautiful!
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
All right, if you're good,
I'm going to take this back and go to the front.
As long as you don't sue.
(LAUGHING)
(RENEE SHRIEKS)
Hey, great dress.
Thanks. It's from Target.
(CHUCKLES) Of course it is.
Aren't girls like us so lucky,
that we can shop like anywhere
and still look fly as hell. (CHUCKLES)
-I guess. -Yeah!
(CHUCKLES) Oh, gosh! Thank you.
Chivalry, alive and well.
(WHISTLES)
Jimmy, come here!
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
For Lisa in HR.
My name's Renee Bennett,
and I'm applying for the receptionist job.
Don't scream.
Slowly turn around.
Okay, I know you don't recognize me.
-I know that. -Mmm.
But I'm going to prove to you that I am your friend.
-Your good friend... -Hey, sluts.
Oh, my God. Okay. Don't scream.
No, no one is screaming.
Don't even make the noise you just made.
Okay. Okay, now I know you don't recognize me.
You're thinking, "Who is this girl?
"And why is she here?
"What was she doing covering our screaming-ass mouths?"
You guys, it's me.
Renee.
VIVIAN: What's happening?
JANE: Full spin.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, my God, you don't believe me.
Why would you?
Okay, I'm going to prove to you that I'm Renee.
All right, I'm just going to tell you something
that there's no way I would know
unless I was Renee.
Okay. Um...
Oh, remember the summer
we all were gonna get those tattoos
of the characters90210 on our ankles. Right?
But we decided not to because we were like,
"What if we don't always feel
"this strongly about the actors?"
-Thank God. -How would anyone know that?
Everyone would know that, right?
Because I actually got Andrea Zuckerman
tattooed on my ankle before you guys bailed on the idea.
I forgot that, I'm sorry.
-I still feel so bad. -No.
What's something only I would know? Help me.
(GRUNTS)
You have HPV.
-Everybody has HPV. -I have it, too.
The point is, it's me! Renee!
And I don't know how this happened
and I can't explain it.
All I know is that Luna
reached into my Soul Cycled soul
and just gave me what I've always wanted.
The chance to be beautiful!
Oh.
-Yeah, well, that's great. -Yeah.
-I'm so happy for you... -Are you?
...that you are working out and that
that clearly is making, like, a big change for you.
I mean, like, I hear really good things
about Soul Cycle and, like, you look great.
Great? Guys, I'm a Kardashian. One of the Jenner ones.
Maybe now that your contacts are in...
I don't wear contacts. I don't wear glasses.
I was just taking a swing,
-and it was a miss. -Yeah.
You're trying to make sense of this, and you can't.
That's true. We cannot make sense of this.
But I want you guys to know
that even through I look like this very different,
very hot person,
it's still me in here.
It's Renee.
(SIGHS) I'm not going anywhere.
BOTH: Okay. RENEE: Okay?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
But I am going to go to the bar and get us drinks.
I could use one.
-Tequila? -Sure.
How would I know that, unless I was Renee?
Okay.
(LAUGHS)
Hey, Mason. (COUGHS) I'm sorry I can't make it again.
I'll have to work remotely, I have pink eye.
Yeah, it's really bad.
It's like, it looks like my eyes are bleeding.
Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
Yeah, no, I know it doesn't affect your voice,
but it's like the really bad kind
that causes flare-ups in prison populations.
Look, I gotta go, I'm going to the doctor.
Hopefully, I'll be in tomorrow,
but I'm going in the subway, so I'm...
Hello? Hello?
CLERK: 116.
(CHUCKLES)
Uh...
You probably haven't been here before,
but you have to wait in line and take a number.
-Oh, right. -I can grab it for you.
-Thank you. -Yeah.
-I just... Here. -Thank you.
And this guy just calls out a number
completely out of sequence.
Okay.
It's like a weird game of bingo.
-All right. -But no one wins. So, yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What's your number?
(CHUCKLES)
So this is how it happens?
Just like that? Wow.
Just like what? What happens, like what?
That is very clever.
I don't know why that's... What is clever?
I'm just asking what the number is.
What's your number? And then I go, "Oh, 118..."
And then you're like, "No, your phone number."
-Oh. -Yeah. You are good.
How long have you been hanging onto that little nugget?
I haven't. I haven't been holding onto that.
That's not a nugget.
You hang out in a lot of dry cleaners
and hit on perfect girls?
(LAUGHING)
All right, give me your phone.
My phone?
Give me your phone, I'm going to give you my number.
-Are you still talking to me? -Don't chicken out now, son.
-I'm not chickening out. -Here, come on.
Give me, we'll exchange phones. That's what'll happen.
Here, give me your phone, you take my phone,
put your number in. Level the playing field.
Do people do this?
And this way you don't have to feel intimidated.
I know what it's like.
Okay. Yeah. That's me.
Okay.
And you know, I'm slammed right now.
But I will do my best to pencil you in.
Right after the jailhouse pink eye clears up?
(LAUGHING)
Who are you?
CLERK: Number 118!
That's me.
Hi.
Oh, I couldn't get the red vomit stain out of it.
What was it, like sangria?
Some wine, like a red? Something like that?
It had chunks in it, did you know that?
And then you let it sit for a while,
and I couldn't really...
That's fine.
I could take another whack at it,
if you want.
I'm not a magician. 119!
So, look, I have not logged into our account
since our profile went live
'cause I thought we could all do it together.
Yeah, I think that's the best idea.
Um, excuse me, bartender.
Can I please get a couple shots of tequila?
-Uh... -Can you stop it?
It's a coffee shop.
Now, listen. This is going to be awesome. Trust me.
I'm about to make it rain responses.
Hit refresh.
-Yeah, refresh. -Always refresh.
(BUZZES)
-Are we on the Wi-Fi or... -Yeah, we are.
So, it's true. Guys really only care about photos.
My God, stop. This is clearly my fault.
What? Why?
No, I take full responsibility for this.
Guys, this is because the old me
was clearly dragging our stock down.
I, like, feel bad for her. I wanna like hug this girl.
You look like you.
All we have to do are get new photos of me.
You know, like, a photo shoot for the new Renee.
Like maybe a hip-hop vibe. Like St. Tropez.
You know, let's get this in a bikini,
on a jet ski with, like, Lil Wayne,
or Lil' Bow Wow, or one of the Lil's.
I don't think that's a thing.
Which thing?
The whole... Like, all those things.
One of the... A big one... Big... Medium George?
I don't know who it is, but it's going to be
hip-hop and it's going to be hot.
No, we're going to do it. Hot bikini action.
You know, I don't have a yacht, but...
Does your brother still have a kayak?
MAN ON ANSWERING MACHINE: Hi, this message
is for Renee Bennett.
Please call Helen Grey's office at Lily LeClaire
to set up your interview for the receptionist position.
(SIGHS)
(EXCLAIMS)
Renee Bennett?
Yeah. I'm Renee. Hi.
No, I'm looking for Renee Bennett
for the receptionist job.
That's me. Here.
Okay.
You must be Renee. I'm Helen Grey, CFO.
We spoke on the phone.
And this is our CEO, Avery LeClaire.
Hello, Renee.
Hello.
Take a seat, make yourself comfortable.
Thank you so much.
Uh, it's nice to finally meet you face to face, Ms. Grey.
And I of course know who you are, Miss LeClaire.
Renee currently works in the online division.
Oh, wow, super.
Yeah, but I figure I can be real with you guys,
like Gayle King real, and say that it would be a shame
to waste all this in a tiny Chinatown office.
I think we've got more of a front-of-house
situation on our hands.
Am I right or wrong? (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Renee, we appreciate you taking the initiative,
but you're not exactly
the obvious choice for this job.
Helen.
RENEE: No, I totally get it.
Because I already work for the company,
and this job would actually be
a pay cut to my current salary.
It doesn't make much sense why I'm here.
So what are your goals, exactly?
(SIGHS)
To work here
as a receptionist.
Wow.
Okay, because most girls, they view this
as a stepping stone to modeling
or to opening their own e-commerce boutique.
I hear you. And yes, modeling is an option for me.
You are taking a risk.
Is this girl going to walk out of this office
and right onto the runway and never look back?
Is that realistic for me?
1,000%. But it's not who I am.
My only real goal is to come here
to this office every day,
and help people feel the same way I feel
when I step off that elevator,
that this is the only place to be.
(SIGHS)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(SCREAMS) Yes, yes, yes, yes! I got it!
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
I work here now!
-(KNOCKING) -Mason, you in here?
It's me, Renee.
Can we talk in the office?
We can just talk here, it's fine.
(SIGHS) Things have changed for me, Mason.
They're moving me to HQ.
(CHUCKLES)
It's headquarters.
Everything I've ever wanted...
I really need you to leave.
I really would rather you not hear the splash.
Don't worry.
I talked to them, and HR is already
interviewing for my replacement.
-HR is just human resources. -(QUIETLY FARTING)
Go, please. Go.
And I know you're happy here.
But anyway, I gotta go.
If you just finally got the courage
to ask me out, it's too late, buddy.
(FORCED LAUGH) Go please. Go.
I'll miss you. You want me to leave it open?
-No. -No?
(SIGHS)
Shit!
Whoo!
You're gonna wanna head to marketing,
and you're gonna wanna have a great time.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE) -(PHONE RINGS)
She's headed to you, she's adorable.
Good morning.
Hi, you know what,
I think I pressed the wrong floor.
I'm looking for Lily LeClaire, and this is not...
RENEE: Nope, that's us.
Welcome to Lily LeClaire.
You're probably used to seeing Angie sit here,
but I promise to win you over, too.
She served her bottle of water room temp.
Now, I prefer to serve it chilled.
I also serve it with a straw,
so you don't have to mess with your fierce lipstick.
God, I love that shade.
What is it, Rogue Red? Fall 2015?
I don't know any Angie.
What confused me when I walked into this place,
honestly, is you and...
I know, right?
You're not the only one. Okay.
People don't expect a girl sitting back here
to just be so on the ball.
See, that's not what I was...
But I know what it means to work hard.
And I don't plan on coasting off the benis
of this face or this body.
I'm going to bring it every day.
I can see by your portfolio
that you're here from the Rose Sheet,
which happens to be
my absolute favorite trade publication.
So I'll let them know that you're here for your 10:30,
and you can have a seat.
Or if you prefer,
get steps in to meet your Fitbit goal for the day.
This hallway loops around,
and I'll let you know when they're ready.
Welcome to Lily LeClaire.
Thanks.
And my name is Renee,
if you need absolutely anything at all.
Ever, ever.
-(LAUGHS) -(PHONE RINGS)
Hi, Lily LeClaire, you've got Renee.
Oh, I'll put you through.
Hello, Renee.
(SIGHS)
It's all right. I overheard your name.
I'm here to meet Avery,
but could you not make me wait next to that lady.
I don't think I'll be as nice to her as you were.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Oh, thank God. Okay, okay.
You're Grant LeClaire.
Yes.
Holy shit. Holy shit.
Relax, you're good.
Okay, okay.
Right. Um...
Well, Grant, I noticed on Page Six,
that you are often photographed drinking
these Pressed Juicery Greens 1.5.
Correct? I saw that
and I brought it here, in case you were ever to come in.
-Thank you. -You're welcome,
Grant LeClaire.
Sorry, what, you've seen me holding these?
So you got them in just for me?
I've also seen you holding a lot of Brazilian models,
but I didn't think they'd fit in the mini-fridge.
(LAUGHS)
Okay, cool, I thought you were gonna be mad
'cause I called you out so hard.
Who hired you, Renee?
Avery. Your sister.
Yes, I know who she is.
Good. 'Cause Thanksgiving would be really weird.
I don't know if you guys do things like Thanksgiving.
Yeah, we do.
Oh, my God, that's crazy.
So, Avery, huh?
Good for her.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
AVERY: This is our first diffusion line,
and I really owe it to my grandma
to get it right.
We are at a critical stage for both the product itself,
and the packaging and the copy.
So, now for the exciting part, let's look at out samples.
This is our...
I'm so sorry. So sorry.
I am so sorry!
Okay, going to put it all back right where it was.
Here is the blush.
All right, and here is the packaging,
and I just need to find the application brush,
and then we can move on with our lives.
There is no application brush.
Oh.
Really?
Okay. Got it.
Does that come as a surprise to you?
Because if you knew our products,
you'd know that our blush never comes
with an application blush brush.
Of course I know that.
Same as the Shimmering Face Powders.
I just figured for this particular product,
you know, that there might be one.
But never mind, you guys, you know how this works,
and I'm just the beautiful face
keeping this place running. So...
I think we'd all like to hear what you'd have to say, Renee.
Well...
Well, with high-end products,
we expect our customers
to have high-end makeup brushes.
But regular girls put their blush on
in the rearview,
on the way to their crappy jobs.
And they're going to be pissed
when they open an $8.50 blush,
and they have no way they can use it.
Then you just wind up using your finger.
You know, it never goes on right.
Then you hit a bump, or you have an itch
and you wind up looking like Braveheart.
Or some more up-to-date reference.
That was very helpful, Renee.
Really?
Okay, great.
If anybody needs anything, any water or anything,
just give me a signal.
The signal will just be something like,
"Renee, we could use some more water."
Or something, you know...
(QUIETLY) "Thirsty, more water."
Thank you.
(INHALES)
(LINE RINGING)
-ETHAN: Hello? -Hi, Ethan.
Um...
I know calling a new love interest
can be stressful,
so I just wanted to take that pressure off you.
You know, you wonder like,
"How long should I wait to call?"
Or, "Is she too good for me?" Blah, blah, blah.
(CHUCKLES)
But, uh, I'm just gonna
take all the heavy lifting off of you
and let you know that you are taking me out.
ETHAN: Who is this again?
Oh, yeah, Renee from the dry cleaner.
RENEE: Aren't you glad we're doing this?
I'm pretty scared of you,
so I was a little afraid to not do this.
Right.
So what do you do?
Uh... I'm at CNN, working in operations.
It's not what I want to do. I'm trying to segue
-into being a cameraman... -Oh.
But it's sort of a boys' club over there.
-So I can't just... -(LAUGHING)
What?
Well, only girls complain
about things being a boys' club.
Yes, good point,
but I mean it's like
a different breed of, like, boys' club.
Like tattoos, C-class driver's licenses.
I'm sure you're just in your head about it.
They call me "Wheat Thin."
Because of "Ethan." That's clever.
"Wheat Thin-Ethan." That is it!
Hot dog.
Wheat Thin-Ethan.
That's not even as bad as what I thought they meant.
No, I mean, I used to be where you are right now.
I was working in this tiny office, like tiny.
And I never thought I'd make it to 5th Avenue.
But, I mean, look at me now. I'm a receptionist.
(CHUCKLES) I haven't said that out loud yet.
I, Renee, am a receptionist.
Oh, that was my hot dog. You ate both of them.
Ooh, a bikini contest! We're going!
You sure this is where you want to be?
There's a bar just down the thing,
they're doing Latin rhythms night.
Oh, we should hit that next.
Yeah. Or sooner.
Right here. Anybody sitting here? No?
You sure no one's sitting here?
Yeah, it's, like, starting.
You know, I'm cool with this.
As long as you're comfortable sitting here
while these women are kind of naked.
Kind of? They look great.
What are you doing?
Well, I don't have a bathing suit,
so I have to improvise.
Kind of hotter than a bathing suit,
because it's, like, unexpected,
and you can, like, see most of my butt.
Wait, are you entering the bikini contest?
-Yeah! -No!
It's 500 bucks to the winner. Did you see the sign?
Yeah, but I think that you probably
had to pre-register online,
and then there's also the issue
of the non-regulation bikini.
Honestly, that Latin rhythms night...
It'll be more fun.
Oh, wait, I see what's going on.
You're worried that the guys
are going to be drooling all over me.
-Uh-uh. -Oh, my God, that's so sweet.
But don't worry, okay? I'm here with you.
I came with you and I'm leaving with you.
But I do need your help with something.
Now, what do you think? Shoe on or shoe off?
-This is off. -Right.
This is me with it on.
Does it say, like, "Barefoot hippie, she doesn't care..."
Honestly, at the end of the day,
I don't know if it's gonna have
a dramatic effect either way,
so I would go shoes on
because the carpet is disgusting.
Okay, cool. Wish me luck.
-Good luck. Yeah. -I got this.
So scared.
Welcome to the semi-annual Ruby's Bangin' Bikini Contest.
We're going to start it out, and do it proud.
Here she comes everybody, let's bring out our girls.
Lacey J.
She's pursuing her certificate
in heating and cooling maintenance.
Fire and ice, she sure is!
Is there a doctor in the house? No!
But there is a dental assistant
and her name is Tiffany!
Look at that!
Oh! Whoa!
Work it out, honey!
Watch out, guys, it's about to heat up!
Because here comes Vanessa!
Our Vanessa here has been to 11 of our United States.
So give it up for Vanessa!
Oh, we've got a late entry here.
I hope her buns are tighter than this penmanship
'cause this is really hard to read.
But keep it going for Renee Bennett?
Renee Bennett.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
Whoa, are you here for the barback job?
You're in the contest? Okay.
-I got it. I got it. -You got it? Okay.
Hello, everyone, I am Renee! As advertised!
Renee hails from the Long Island,
and she is a receptionist.
Holler!
Um, Renee enjoys watching people
trying to cover up their disappointment
from their dreams being shattered on shows such as
Antiques Roadshow Shark Tank.and
And Renee is not afraid
of returning things for store credit!
(CHEERING)
Renee was kicked out not once,
but twice from
a New Kids on the Block concert
for crying too hard.
(CHEERING)
Joey! Am I right? Joey!
MAN: Marry me!
And although you ladies all seem super chill,
I did not come here
-to make friends. Okay? -(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
DJ, hit it!
(MIC FEEDBACK)
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)
(CHEERING)
(CHEERS)
(AUDIENCE SCREAMS)
(MOUTHING)
(CHEERING)
-(MUSIC STOPS) -(LOUD CHEERING)
And now it's time to tally the votes.
Are you guys ready?
(CHEERING)
The winner of this year's Ruby's Bangin' Bikini Contest,
Lacey J. from New Brunswick, New Jersey! Lacey!
(CHEERING)
Take a lap! Come on, Lacey! Beautiful!
Don't worry, Romeo, she'll be right out.
Yeah, I didn't know if they go backstage.
Is there a backstage here?
Yeah, it usually leads to a rehab.
But that Renee? That's your girl, right?
-Uh... Friend for now. -Friend?
Just friend, this is our first kind of night out.
All right, I didn't ask for a podcast.
Either way, your lady killed it tonight.
She is awesome.
She is the complete package.
Yeah, I'm getting to know that.
Um, I've never seen anything like that.
Now the girl who won,
who happens to be my god-niece,
of course, she was hotter.
But let's say this,
it's a lonely dark night, you got a flat.
Who do you want next to you?
Your girl. Yeah.
Your girl can handle herself
in a knife fight, and I like that.
Dude, up here.
Uh, thank you.
Tonight's your night, good luck.
(LAUGHING)
-Hey, that was so great. -Hi.
Sorry, I got you all wet.
Oh, yeah, that's water, right?
Yeah, I think it's water.
I'm sorry it didn't go the way you wanted it to.
I mean, it was awesome.
Yeah. No, it didn't. It went way better.
What?
We each get two free drinks and an appetizer!
That's what I was hoping.
-On the house. -What are the parting gifts?
I was looking at the coconut shrimp
'cause I didn't get any hot dog.
You snooze, you lose your hot dog.
You're really not upset?
No, not really.
I mean, these things are so, like, political.
-Yeah. -I won't get into all of it.
Mostly because I have no information...
No, I can see a place like this
running kind of a shady...
Yeah. I feel like I did win.
The crowd was going crazy.
And you know what, I know I look good.
I don't need some, like, room of drunk guys to confirm that.
Can I be you when I grow up?
You should've won, you were ripped off.
Thanks.
I think I've earned this, right?
That was just sitting there. That's not even mine.
Mmm. (SPITS)
(SIGHS)
Renee.
I thought I smelled animal products.
-Mmm. -Can I ask you something?
Mmm-hmm.
Just because you seem to have such great insight
about our diffusion line earlier.
Yeah, of course. I'm here to help.
My grandma is coming to review everything
for the big pitch to the Target people in Boston,
and I just really want to make sure
that I get everything right.
Super, yeah.
-Oh! -So, I had this great idea.
You know how at our traditional outlets
like Bergdorf's or Bloomingdale's,
we have a dedicated makeup counter with a specialist
to help teach about the products
and how to apply them.
I thought what if, even at Target,
during our peak hours,
we offer the same thing
to our diffusion line customers.
Yeah.
Oh, shit, you hate it.
No, I don't hate it.
No, if you think it's a shitty idea, please tell me,
'cause I am really freaking out about this whole thing.
From what I can gather,
just, you know, from my friends,
those professionals at the makeup counter
are actually a deterrent.
There's these, like, beautiful
statuesque women just staring at you,
with your pimples and your asymmetrical face,
and they just make you feel bad about yourself.
I mean, it makes them feel bad about themselves.
That's why these regular girls
flock to the anonymous aisles of a big superstore.
So they can just go in and buy their makeup
without somebody standing there,
making them just feel like they're not good enough.
Like it's a waste of time to even try.
I'm just a stupid idiot, dumb bitch.
Oh, my God. You? No, you're not.
You're, like, amazing.
You're everything I could ever want to be.
It's this voice.
Your voice? You...
Something wrong with your voice?
I haven't noticed anything...
It's a little high-pitched.
I sound like a freaking moron.
-No. -But I'm not...
I've got a JD/MBA from Wharton.
I clerked for a Supreme Court Justice.
But it's this voice, I can't kick it.
I've tried everything. Vocal coaches...
That's it, actually, just vocal coaches,
but still nothing.
Coaches, okay.
That's why I feel really lucky
to have someone like you here, Renee.
Someone like me?
Someone who knows the clientele
that we're going after,
someone who can speak to that world.
Yeah.
There's a dinner coming up. I'd love for you to come.
A dinner? Oh, my gosh.
You can bring your boyfriend or your
girlfriend or however they identify,
just, if you have one.
No, I... Uh...
I guess I actually... I do have somebody
that I could invite right now. Yeah.
And he identifies as a guy.
I mean, he's... There are some very feminine aspects to him,
but it's part of his charm. You'll see.
Okay, good.
Hey.
Hi.
-Ready to get some dinner? -Yeah, I'm starving.
-All right, let's do it. -Yeah.
-Okay. -Pretty hungry myself.
Where you coming from?
Oh, I was just, uh, down the street.
Nowhere, hanging out.
You're sweaty.
I was working out, but I showered.
-Okay. -Yeah.
Were you at Zumba?
Zumba? Is that what it's called?
I don't... I never pay attention.
Yeah. Yeah, it's called Zumba.
It's pretty... Like a female workout.
That's, like, a girl's...
-Is it? -(LAUGHING) Yes!
I don't... It's a workout.
-I don't go to gyms... -Oh, my God...
...'cause I don't like all the machismo,
so I go where the ladies go.
-Oh, I get it. -Not a big deal. Get what?
You're that guy.
"Go to the gym to pick up chicks" guy.
I am 100% not the "go to the gym to meet chicks" guy.
Really? Zumba?
No, I am the guy
who sits next to you for, like,
four years in high school and wants to ask you out,
but I chicken out like I always do,
and then I get online
and monitor your status for 10 years,
hoping that you'll be single at the reunion,
but if you're not, you're married,
that's great, don't care.
-You're happy for her? -I'm happy for her.
That's not real, by the way. By the way, that's not real.
That's me painting a picture.
-That sounded pretty real. -I mean...
Let's go to dinner.
When I started to say it, I regretted it.
What was the picture's name?
Rachel.
Yeah. You can have one grape.
Where have you met the girls you've mostly dated? You know?
Uh... Well, honestly, I don't date that much.
Well, that's really weird.
-Is it? -'Cause neither do I.
-What? -No, I really don't.
I know it seems like...
You're saying it 'cause I said it.
No, it seems like I have all this experience, I know,
and that's kind of like what I put out there,
but I've dated...
I've been in three relationships.
-Really? -Yeah,
and one of them had a girlfriend. I didn't know.
I did not know. We were dating for a couple months,
and then I get a phone call from this girl,
like, "This is his girlfriend," I was like...
-Oh... -"This is his girlfriend."
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
I would cry so hard. Did you cry?
-(LAUGHS) -Don't answer that.
-Yes, I cried.
-Why did I ask if you cried? -No, you're a sensitive...
Ah! That's not what a dude would ask.
What about... Is that your class over there?
-Do you want to... No... -Okay.
I'm strictly indoor Zumba.
I would never do outdoor Zumba.
What's the move they're doing right now called?
ETHAN: That's called the star hop.
-(LAUGHS) -It's not a full jump.
You are...
You are quite a man, Ethan.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I got to read more Maxim or something.
Ew, please don't read Maxim. You're perfect.
I'm not perfect,
but I do think that you are.
Whatever, Wheat-Thin.
I'm being serious.
You're, like, so yourself
or something, I don't know, it's cool.
No, keep talking. (LAUGHS)
Uh, I think a lot of people are confused about themselves.
They, like, obsess over whatever negative quality
they perceive in themselves and they completely miss
the thing that really makes them awesome.
You, like, know who you are
and you don't really care how the world sees you.
You're so yourself, too.
I mean, you have no idea who you are. (LAUGHS)
No, but you're honest about it.
And it just makes me feel really,
I don't know, close to you.
Are you going to kiss me?
I was just gonna
get as close as I could...
Uh-huh.
-To tell you... -Yeah?
That I...
You have a girlfriend?
That I would love to kiss you.
RENEE: Just give me one minute.
Yeah, no worries, take your time.
-Hey. -Hey. Hey...
Wow.
I thought you might want a sneak peek of what's to come.
I don't know if you know what "sneak peek" means.
You're completely naked.
Oh, how embarrassing.
Do you want me to go cover up?
No.
No?
No.
Cool.
(SIGHS)
Okay.
-Ethan, are you coming? -Yup.
Hi.
Thanks for coming over.
(RENEE MURMURS)
(MOANING)
-Um... -What?
Yeah, I want you to see me. You know?
Oh, yeah, no, 100%.
I'm definitely loving seeing you.
I just didn't know if you wanted to see me.
No, I want to see you.
-Okay. -Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Oh...
Oh, my God!
Are you looking in the mirror?
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, that is so hot.
It felt good the whole time.
-The whole time? -The whole time.
-That was my favorite part. -This is perfect.
I liked the whole time.
Yeah, and you were such a great leader.
-You really took over. -(BOTH LAUGHING)
Thank you, and you follow the leader well.
I was willing to do...
Wait, shh... Do you hear that?
-What is it? -Is that the ice cream man?
I think that's the ice cream man.
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)
Oh, no, it's just an ambulance.
Renee, you're just naked at the window.
Everybody down there can see you.
Well, they're welcome. (LAUGHS)
-It's a good neighborhood. -Uh... How...
How do you do that?
Do what?
I don't know, have all of the confidence?
I wasn't always like that.
And what changed?
I started to really believe that
if I wanted it bad enough, all my dreams could come true.
And they are. You know?
Yeah.
(CHIMING MUSIC PLAYING)
That is the ice cream man.
Okay. That might be the ice cream man.
All right, follow me right this way.
Your guests are in the private dining room.
Private dining room?
Mmm.
It must be a company-wide thing,
or I wouldn't have been invited.
Okay.
-What the... -Sorry.
That's a very small company.
So, how did you two meet?
Uh, we actually met at the dry cleaners.
I had vomited sangria, like, all over a sweater.
It was pretty romantic.
-Sounds magical. -RENEE: Yeah.
So, Renee, I was just telling Gram here about
all our great ideas for the diffusion line.
-Hmm. -Cool. Yeah.
Great ideas.
Yeah, oh, they're so great.
Mmm-hmm.
Wow, you're really nailing this, Avery.
LILY: Avery, relax, dear.
Renee, Avery obviously wants you here
in order to legitimize her whole plan for the line.
Gram.
I mean, Avery has been incredible.
I still can't believe I even get to work with her.
Oh, my God. Is that Hidden Valley?
Only the best, my dear.
Oh, my God, that is my absolute favorite.
In high school, I would just eat it by the spoonful.
And by spoonful, I mean I would just chug it.
You know, KFC actually uses HV.
But nobody knows, because they put it in their KFC packaging.
Do you want me to grab you some, next time I'm in there?
A couple of the small packets?
That's the nicest offer I've had in a long time.
(CHUCKLES) Sure.
Well, you know, collecting travel-sized condiments
is, like, a very big part of my life.
The tiny little ketchup bottles?
Or the little Tabascos? They slay me!
-So, as I was saying, Renee... -Oh, yeah.
...has been instrumental in helping refine our message.
LILY: Uh-huh.
And just what is that message?
Well...
Just that I think that most luxury brands get it so wrong
when they try to make a diffusion line.
They treat it more aspirational,
when it really needs to be...
Functional.
And practical and real.
I mean, these women,
they know who they are, and they just...
They're proud to be bargain hunters.
Avery's life experience may not allow her
to connect with that customer.
Please tell me you're going to be in Boston with us.
Yes, of course. She is.
Of course I am?
Yes, of course. Remember?
RENEE: You never mentioned that to me.
Yeah, we definitely had this conversation about you...
Avery, we definitely didn't. I would remember...
-Boston... -That would be, like,
-a very big deal to me. -Don't you remember?
I would have called you.
I would have called, like, everybody.
Is your eye okay?
Oh, my God, would you please just agree to go?
Before her fake eyelashes
come flying off her bulging eyes.
(SNORTS)
Stop that.
Would you come with us to Boston
for the Target pitch?
Oh, hell yeah, Gram. I will be in Boston!
Of course I'll go!
Does the Pope shit in Boston? I'm going.
(LAUGHING)
This is definitely where my work friends said they'd be.
Why are we running?
It's like a super exclusive
speakeasy, with, like, a hot crowd.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Hi. Um, we're here for the speakeasy.
What speakeasy?
Uh...
Three girls for the speakeasy.
-No. -Am I saying that right?
-Speakeasy... -It's cool. We'll find it.
-Thanks, dude. -Speak...
He was supposed to just show us
where the doorway was. Right?
-That's clear. -Right.
I don't understand. And now,
look, he's leading these girls to it.
JANE: Ew! Those posers don't know
what they're missing out here.
Didn't I ask you guys to wear heels?
Yeah, well, I can't walk in heels.
-So... -I'm just saying that
if we want to get into places like this...
We don't really care about getting into places like that.
But I guess now you do?
Jenn! Hi! Oh, my God!
-Oh! Hello. -Hello, sir.
VIVIAN: Can I get one of all of those?
Thank you.
Okay, good news, bad news.
Um... Good news is that I can get in.
Bad news is you guys can't.
So, you know, obviously
I'm going to stay with you guys.
I want to be here
and not in there, in some dumb club
with these girls I barely know.
Yeah...
Unless that's what you guys think I should do 'cause...
-Yeah... -Yeah? Are you sure?
Okay. Okay, thank you so much, you guys. Okay.
I will tell you guys
absolutely everything tomorrow.
Enjoy the food.
Okay, is there where it is?
-In here? -Mmm-hmm.
And then what I realized
is that I could eat whatever I want,
and still look like this.
(CHUCKLING)
Shout out to my genetic makeup.
(VOCALIZING)
So blessed.
We'll be with you momentarily.
Hello, Lily LeClaire, you've got Renee.
-Hi. -Hi. One second.
Yeah. I love hearing your voice, too.
I have an appointment...
East Coast Escrow is on the second floor.
You're gonna wanna head down there.
I'm sorry, can you just...
If you could scoot just a little bit.
Welcome to Lily LeClaire.
I am living for your bag.
Thanks!
Oh, my God, you're waiting for me. Hi.
Hi.
Thank you so much for still doing this.
Oh, my God, stop it.
I wouldn't miss our first Grouper date.
I know, but you know, Ethan and...
Hey, I want to do this.
-Okay. Yes. -All right.
I'm going to be like the ultimate wing woman.
And when they pay attention to me,
I'll just redirect them to you.
-Oh. -That's my whole plan.
-Okay. -Okay.
Okay.
There's... Okay.
-Hey, y'all. I am Renee. -MEN: Hey.
-Hey. -Hi. Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you. -You guys,
what are we talking about?
Renee, where are you from?
Oh.
No, I see what's happening here.
No, redirect that energy all over here.
(CHUCKLES) Not all over her face,
but you and I are not going to happen.
Lyle, I like your scarf.
Oh, really, this little thing. You don't think it's too much?
Is it hand-knit?
'Cause I actually do some loom weaving.
I don't know how to make a scarf,
but once I made a Native American medicine bag.
Actually, my sister studies 18th-century textiles online.
Actually, a little bit about Viv
that's unexpected.
She was thrown out of eighth grade
for showing everybody her boobies.
We all have a past.
And look, don't sleep on Jane.
Yes, she's dressed like an old man
watering his lawn, it doesn't matter.
Because once she gets out of these clothes,
she has a sick body.
I can tell you guys have a lot of sexual energy.
You know what, I feel like we could use
some more drinks. The ladies will be right back.
Yeah.
Okay. You guys get a drink, and I'll hang with the boys.
No, no. You're coming with. Come on. No.
RENEE: Okay.
-Hey. -What are you doing to us?
I'm trying to help you guys, you serious?
(SCOFFS) What?
I'm setting you up for success.
Just be hotter.
You got to lead with your hotness.
And then let them find out how boring you are later.
You think we're boring?
Let's start over, okay.
You guys are going to be fun.
Let's have a blast.
I'm feeling like shots.
You guys want shots?
You guys are crazy.
Oh, hi. Hi, how are you?
Can we have six shots of Fireball?
-All right. -(CHUCKLES)
Oh, my God. Obsessed with me.
Is he staring?
-No. -Yeah.
We always dance together like crazy.
Back it up!
-Not to me. -Please, don't do that to her.
Renee.
Can I sit here?
(CHUCKLES)
I'm a slightly nervous flyer, so I took a few things.
Oh, cool.
Okay, yeah.
This is absolutely nuts.
I'm bugging,
I'm bugging right out, right now.
Well, if things go like I expect they will,
we have a lot more trips like this in our future.
What are you talking about? Like vacays to the Maldives?
No, I was thinking more like Akron
or Milwaukee, where we have our factories.
Okay. Okay. I thought we were going
a different way with it, but cool.
Oh, I also want to give you a title.
Something like...
VP of diffusion line, if you like that?
Okay. I have a title? VP of the diffusion line!
Wait, should I get, like, a standing desk
or something? Is that too fancy?
No, those people always look like they work at Verizon,
but I don't know.
Are you sure you don't want to sit near the snacks?
I don't want to hog them.
There's just, like, so many.
So, let's talk about the keynote speech.
So I put the whole thing on my tablet.
I can hook up to a Bluetooth, or I can just be on a remote.
I can go to a flat screen...
Shh...
-Okay. -We'll be great...
I'm just going to be quiet.
(WHISPERS) Come up there? Okay.
Hi.
She see me?
-Avery? -Yeah.
No. It's an hour flight.
Word will probably get out.
Yeah, but once we're up in the air, it's too late.
I didn't know you were coming.
Oh, yeah, I'm just hitching a ride
to the Yankees-Red Sox game.
So cool.
Are you pleasantly surprised?
-That you're coming? -Yeah.
Mmm-hmm.
-Good. Me, too. -(INTERCOM DINGS)
PILOT: Good morning, welcome aboard. This is Dan,
your captain speaking.
About 35 minutes up to Boston,
skies are clear.
Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.
"What we really wanna say to our customer is that, yes,
"we have made these items
"cheaper for her and easier to use.
"But really...
"But really what we've made them is better...
"...is better for her.
-"Because we love her." -(KNOCK ON DOOR)
No, thank you.
"Because we love her..."
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh.
Hey.
Hi.
So, I'm... I'm right next door.
(LAUGHING) That's crazy.
Do you mind if I come in and make a quick phone call?
That okay? Great, thanks.
-Yeah, the phone is... -Right here?
The phone... Yeah.
(DIALING)
Hey, yeah, can I get the steelhead salmon?
And you can leave off the gremolata,
and the tartlette of leek and chanterelles.
-You want anything? -Oh, no. I'm fine.
Mozzarella sticks?
-Mozzarella sticks. -Mozzarella sticks, okay.
If you want them, I don't even like them.
-But if you like them... -No, I want them.
And a couple of orders of mozzarella sticks.
Right. Thanks.
(CLEARS THROAT)
-Why can't you order? -Yeah.
So, Avery had all the room charges
blocked from my room.
(LAUGHING)
Hey, it's not funny.
See, if I'd known she was going to do that,
I would have just asked to room with you
from the beginning.
Huh.
Right. (LAUGHS)
This is cute. These pigtails.
Yeah.
Don't see them so much these days.
Yeah, two of them.
Yeah, saw the other one around there.
Yeah.
It's nice.
Thanks.
So, they got you the big suite, huh?
Yeah.
This is, like, twice the size of my room.
It's bigger than my apartment.
God, look at the size of this bed.
Oh, yeah. Oh, that's...
I'll just put this there.
...just a bandage from my leg.
-(GRUNTS) -Um...
I'm supposed to go meet your sister at the bar,
to go over the presentation.
I'll just leave as soon as the food comes, then.
Wow.
Looks like you're totally prepared
for this meeting tomorrow.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm sure you'll just dazzle them, as per usual.
I dazzle?
Please, like you don't know.
Come on, you dazzle my sister, my grandma, me.
What?
Come here, sit down.
I don't know how you do it, Renee.
But you've gotten a whole lot of women
who always think they know best
to sit up and take notice of you.
(CHUCKLES)
And what you think, and who you are.
Me?
Yeah, I can't even get my room charges covered.
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, but a lot of women notice you, too.
Maybe, but that's just 'cause of my family's money.
Uh...
I think.
Yeah, no.
Maybe not?
No.
Problem is, I never really know, you know?
No, I don't.
Except, you know, with you,
I feel like I actually do know.
That I'm gunning for your money?
Every last cent of it.
-(PHONE CHIMES) -Oh...
Uh...
I am wet...
Excuse me?
...with diarrhea.
-Oh. -Yeah, I...
I need you to go,
'cause I just feel how much I'm getting diarrhea.
Okay.
And I don't want you to see the diarrhea.
(SIGHS)
(PHONE THUDS)
Who are you?
GRANT: Hey, Renee, the food's here.
I guess I'll head off.
(THUDS)
(GROANS)
(WATER STOPS)
(COUGHS)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Renee, whoa, are you okay?
Yeah, never better.
I'm looking for Avery LeClaire.
I'm supposed to meet her down here, but I'm really late.
Have you seen her?
You've got blood spurting out of your head.
Oh, yeah, it really hurts. What are you doing here?
I'm just getting ready for the Target pitch tomorrow.
They want me to do some AV stuff.
Wait a minute. You recognize me?
Yeah.
You recognize me right now, no problem?
Yeah, I mean, the blood threw me a little, but...
Oh, my God, I knew I felt different.
Oh, my God. Please let it not be gone.
Please, God. Please, please, please.
(SIGHS)
No, no, no.
No!
(SOBBING) It's gone! It's gone!
I said, "Who are you?" into the foggy mirror,
and I hit my head.
I must've broken the spell,
and it's gone!
(SOBBING)
I knew it. I knew it couldn't last!
Why would this last? You're so stupid, Renee!
What's wrong with you?
I'm back to being me!
Okay.
I need you to give this to Avery LeClaire.
It has everything she needs for the presentation.
She's going to think she can't do it, but she can.
Why? Aren't you going to do it?
I wish I could be there, but I can't.
Will you tell her?
-Okay. -Okay.
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Flight 1116 to New York
is now boarding at gate C-17.
-(SNORING) -(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, no.
AVERY: (ON VOICEMAIL) Renee, I did the pitch.
I did it just like you said,
but coming from me, it just didn't sound right.
Now we're doing this giant launch event
to show everyone how great the line is,
and we need you. Call me!
(COMPUTER CHIMING)
-Hey, you're home! -(YELLS)
Oh, shit, hello?
Are you okay? What just happened?
Um... Uh... I...
Oh, God.
My back. I broke it.
Just now?
No, no, no. Um...
At the airplane.
Well, that sucks.
What if I come over and take care of you?
No, no, no, no.
Okay...
They're spraying for ants.
Oh, well, then, Renee, you shouldn't be there anyway.
That's horrible.
That's like poison stuff. I'll come get you.
No, I really want to be here for the ant removal.
I don't want them to remove the ones I like.
And I don't really look my best right now. So I...
Obviously, I don't believe that.
I think you look great all the time.
How about this?
Saturday night, I'll take you out.
You're probably gonna be recovered by then, right?
Mmm-hmm. Yes.
Okay. I miss you.
I miss you, too.
Oh, it seems like you're standing right there.
-Is your back all right now? -No.
It looked like you had gotten...
No, that's a coincidence 'cause I'm not up.
Don't rush this if you...
Darling, if all you have is a pack of gum, please.
Wait! Why her? What about me? I'm standing right here.
All I have is this cookie.
Is it because she's so beautiful?
I didn't even see you in line.
Yeah, right.
You probably have all these cookies at your house
from all the 20-year-olds that you bang!
And you don't even deserve it!
They just want your money, so now you know that.
-Hi, darling. -Hi, honey.
You found the ginkgo biloba.
-You okay? -Mmm-hmm.
I would like to apologize.
I did not know your situation and it's very beautiful.
You are two beautiful aging white men.
Thank you.
(LOUD BUZZING)
(DOOR SLAMS)
I know, it's all gone.
I brought you these cookies.
They're covered in chocolate.
Okay, you're so drunk.
And there's a picture of a cat on safari.
I know you just assume you can just
drop by whenever you want
because your loser friends have no plans.
But we're about to go to "Escape the Room."
(GASPS) It's the Grouper guys. Hey, Groupers!
Don't call them that.
RENEE: Where's your scarf at?
I want to go to the room you pay to be locked in.
I don't really feel like being embarrassed
or insulted tonight, so no.
You don't want to go with me
because I'm not pretty anymore.
Look, why do you think
everyone cares what you look like?
Like, we're your friends
because you were fun and funny and kind.
And then I don't know what happened.
I could tell you what happened.
All my wildest dreams came true,
and then it was gone.
Renee, will you just listen to yourself?
Your wildest dream is that you were beautiful?
That is so sad!
Yeah, like, we never gave a shit
what you looked like.
Guys, I just want us to go back
to how we were before.
Can't we just do that? Can't we just go back?
No. And we have to go, so...
All of us? We all can go?
No.
Just us and not the guys?
Absolutely not.
(SOBBING) Okay. Okay, I understand.
Well, I have my cell phone on if anybody changes their mind.
(PHONE CHIMING)
(GROANS)
(SIGHS)
Whoa!
I'm sorry. Sorry.
-MAN: You okay? -Sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
What am I even worried about?
There's no way he's going to recognize me.
(SIGHS)
(PHONE DINGS)
Are you here alone?
No.
(STUTTERS)
Yes.
(HIGH-PITCHED) Technically, but I'm meeting my boyfriend.
Oh, right. Okay.
Of course.
Well, how about I buy you a drink while you wait?
(IN ENGLISH ACCENT) No, I really shouldn't.
(IMITATING ACCENT) Well, why not?
Just killin' time, you're waitin' for your boyfriend.
I'm waitin' for my girlfriend.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Your girlfriend?
Did you say that she's your girlfriend?
I did say that.
And I hope that's okay.
No, I'm sure she, like, loves it.
But what...
What's she like?
Like, your girlfriend... That's your girlfriend?
She is pretty amazing.
Funny and smart.
And the most beautiful girl in the world.
And here I am, "How did I get this lady?"
And I did.
(VOICE BREAKING) I can't... Excuse me.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hey.
Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not going to be able to make it tonight.
Um...
I can't do this.
I don't know what we're doing.
You, me, any of it. I can't do it. I'm sorry.
Okay, wait. Hold on.
I didn't mean to freak you out,
I'm sorry. I really thought we were just having fun.
No, we were having fun. That's not it. Um...
Um... I...
I don't know what to say to you.
It's over.
Well, look, you don't have to... Don't.
Let's not do it over the phone.
Wherever you are, I'll come and meet you,
and let's talk.
No, no, no. You can't come where I am.
Why?
You can't see me anymore.
I'm not who you think I am.
And that's it? I think I...
I think I deserve better than that.
You deserve much better than this.
You deserve much better than me.
I'm sorry.
-Hey... -I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Hi. Hi, it's me.
-I know, yeah. -I really need bike 34.
Oh, um...
I need to recreate the magic of that last class.
Oh. We would like it if you don't recreate that.
I'll be fine. I just... I really, really need it.
Okay. There.
-What's up, SoHo, you ready? -(CHEERING)
This is your ride! This is your time!
Reach inside your pelvis, core engaged!
I want you to set an intention for this ride!
I got one!
If your intention was for change,
the change is already here,
and your miracle's already here.
Yes, it is!
Today you're going to see that person
that you've always wanted to be!
Change your mind! Change your body!
Change your life!
Are you ready?
ALL: Yeah!
Here we go! In three, two, one! Up!
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(MUFFLED SOBBING)
MALLORY: Oh, God.
-RENEE: Hey. -Oh.
You okay?
Yeah. I just, um... Sorry.
I'm just going through a rough breakup, so...
Well, I bet guys can be pretty mean
when you break up with them, right?
Or when they break up with you
for being a real freaking person.
Wait, hang on. (SCOFFS)
The acoustics in here are weird.
It sounds like you are saying you got dumped.
Someone said to you,
"I don't want to see you anymore.
"Ever again. I don't want to have sex with you again."
Somebody has told you... You got dumped?
-Can you stop saying "dumped." -Of course, I'm sorry.
I... I just assumed
that you wouldn't have to deal with stuff like that.
What? 'Cause of my body. Or something like...
Your body, your whole head.
Do you have every rib that I have?
(LAUGHS)
Everything really worked out for you.
Where even are your organs?
I've always dealt with being really insecure,
so it's nice to hear.
Shut up, forever. What?
No, I'm serious. Like, it's an issue.
I struggle with self-esteem. So...
I want to punch you right in your dumb face right now.
Okay, that's the kind of comment that like... I just...
That's what causes my insecurity.
"Dumb." It's like... It's like a trigger word.
I'm sorry I said that, it's just...
You getting dumped is making me feel like I might be okay.
Randomly it's making me feel better, too.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Okay, that's good. -Oh, my gosh.
But, um...
I have to actually go.
I have a go-see at Lily LeClaire.
Lily LeClaire?
-Yeah. -For what?
Um, like modeling a new line, I guess.
The diffusion line?
Wait, you're going for that? It's...
Yeah.
-Okay, bye. -Okay, bye. Feel better.
-Thanks. -That guy's a dick.
Yeah.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CART THUDS)
-Morning. -Hi.
It's 3:00 p.m.
What you got for me?
In terms of what?
Packages.
Some of those for me?
Uh... No, those are empty.
Can I have an ionic water? Bottom right.
Thanks. Uh, you should really serve these
with a straw and a napkin.
But I won't hold it against you.
Hey, do you know if this is something
to do with the diffusion line?
Yeah, they're casting the face of the line.
God!
They're planning a huge party to launch the whole thing.
Yeah.
You think it ever occurred to them to cast someone
who looks like they would actually buy the products?
Someone like you?
Yeah.
Yes.
Someone exactly like me.
Hey, Viv. Um...
I've been looking everywhere for you guys. I...
I just want to apologize
for how I behaved. I'm so sorry.
I... I'm so embarrassed.
Please tell Jane, I...
Anyway, um...
I really want you to meet up with me on Friday.
I... I need you.
Okay. This is Renee.
Okay.
-(CLAMORING) -(CAMERAS CLICKING)
RENEE: Come on! We're going to miss it.
-MASON: This is uphill! -This is it.
This is the door.
(GRUNTING)
-Close it. Close it. -I am.
Don't yell at me. I'm closing it.
Act like you've been here before.
Act like you work here.
I can't lose my job, all right?
I'll have to move back with my aunt.
She calls me Meat Patty.
-She drinks too much. -I know.
Why didn't I hear about this when we worked together?
This would be fun banter.
-Yeah. -Okay. Just keep it cool.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(APPLAUSE)
Good evening.
And thank you all for coming tonight.
We're so pleased to have you here.
This is an exciting evening
for Lily LeClaire, for you, and for me.
When my grandmother first started this company,
in the year 1200 AD...
It's a long, long time ago.
(AUDIENCE MUTTERING)
She had only $1,000...
Again, that was a long time ago...
Inflation, so...
So that would be different now. And...
That wasn't supposed to happen.
What... What?
Could somebody... Is there anybody here...
Technical support?
Anybody who's technical or support?
Stupid bitch, you're such a failure.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
-(THUDS) -(ALL EXCLAIM)
I thought that was going to bust easier.
Um...
Hello.
My name is Renee.
And...
Some of you know me as this woman.
Glamorous.
Flawless.
Perfection.
But that's not the real me.
This is the real me.
(ALL MURMURING)
I don't get it.
I know, these women look nothing alike.
But they're both me.
Take a second to process it.
But in this industry, I only felt wanted
when I looked like this.
I think she's crazy.
Now when I looked...
There was no magic.
That's me.
That's me, they're both me. That's me.
I did all this as me.
When we're little girls,
we have all the confidence in the world.
We let our bellies hang out, and...
And we just dance and play
and pick our wedgies.
(LAUGHTER)
And then these things happen that just...
They make us question ourselves.
Somebody says something mean to you on the playground,
and then we grow up,
and you doubt yourself over and over again
until you lose all that confidence.
All that self-esteem,
all that faith you started with is gone.
But what if we didn't let those moments get to us?
What if we were stronger than that?
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Right?
What if we didn't care about how we looked?
Or how we sounded?
What if we never lost that little-girl confidence?
What if when someone tells us
that we aren't good or thin or pretty enough,
we have strength and the wisdom
to say what I am is better than all of that?
(LOUD CHEERING)
Because what I am is me!
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
I'm me!
And I'm proud to be me!
And if you ever get the chance
to hang out with me or my friends,
my amazing, perfect friends...
Well, all I have to say to you is you're welcome.
(LAUGHTER AND CHEERING)
Mason, hit it.
We are real women.
We are. What a great thing to be.
(CHEERING)
A real, healthy, just strong, funny, kick-ass chick!
This new line of products won't change your life.
Only you can do that.
And you can do that.
Believe me.
But this line is for every girl
who is ready to believe in herself!
(ALL CHEERING)
You are beautiful!
You are everything!
And you are the real face of this line!
And we are all the face of Lily LeClaire!
(LOUD CHEERING)
Whoo!
You go, Renee!
You picked a good one, you know.
Oh, my God!
Well, that was super weird.
And also very effective.
Thanks.
Do you know we offer a mental health program at work?
I still have a job?
-(LAUGHS) -(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
Okay, I'm gonna go say hi to some people.
Avery? They're going crazy for all this.
Let's be honest. We both know.
That's for Renee.
Oh!
Sweetheart, Renee wouldn't be here without you.
None of us would.
Oh, Gram.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(BUZZES)
ETHAN: This is Ethan.
Hi, it's me.
Renee.
Um, I know you probably don't want
to see me right now, but I just...
Just, please hear me out.
Okay? I... I...
I am so sorry for how I acted the other night.
I know this
is hard to believe, but it has nothing to do
with how I feel about you.
And everything to do with my feelings about me.
And...
I, uh...
This is gonna sound so crazy, but I...
I thought that you thought
that I was the most beautiful woman in the world.
-Hey. -Hey.
I do think that you're the most
beautiful woman in the world.
Just let me real quick...
-'Cause it was killing me... -What?
You were, like, struggling with it.
-You could see? -Yeah, well, I saw...
RENEE: That's a camera? ETHAN: Yeah.
You could see me that whole time?
Renee...
I've always seen you.
-What's up, SoHo! -(CHEERING)
You ready to change your life?
Yes!
LUNA: I don't know what you came in here for today,
but the miracle is already here!
You just have to open up your heart and receive it!
I want you to look into the mirror
and visualize the change you came in here for.
Is it spiritual?
Is it physical?
Is it emotional?
(VOICE FADES)
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