Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
Hello, welcome to Can You Hear Me?
Your source for all things Tucker Crowe.
If you're here, you're probably already a fan of Tucker's music,
but if you're merely Crowe-curious
or you clicked on the link by accident,
allow me to introduce you to one of the most seminal
and yet unsung figures of alternative rock.
Although Tucker started writing songs in his early teens,
his real breakthrough was the release of the 1993 album Juliet.
It earned respectable college radio play,
but was vastly underappreciated by the mainstream.
On the list of Top Heartbreak Albums on RollingStone.com
it comes only 43rd, which is a joke.
Juliet, quite simply, is a masterpiece.
Tucker wrote it after a whirlwind love affair with Julie Beatty,
a model and fixture of the Los Angeles demimonde.
The termination of their brief tryst
simultaneously inspired him and crushed his soul.
In June of that same year, 1993,
Tucker played an engagement at The Pit club
in Minneapolis, United States,
that would prove to be his final show.
Last seen exiting the men's toilets after his first set,
Tucker abruptly canceled all future shows, and has never performed publicly again.
This snapshot, taken in 2014,
is purported to be of Tucker on his sheep farm in Pennsylvania,
although there is quite a lot of debate as to its authenticity.
The true whereabouts and creative endeavors
of Mr. Crowe remain a mystery.
Be sure to click on the Mystery link on the side of the page.
It's weird to be writing this to a complete stranger I'll never meet.
And if we did meet, would you see what everybody else sees?
I may look like a nice, well-adjusted English lady in a sensible cardigan,
but these days it's a thin veneer and it's starting to crack.
If you'd lived in Sandcliff going on 40 years you'd understand.
I fled once to London's university, where I studied History of Art.
Best years of my life.
But I came back when my dad got ill.
He ran the local history museum until he couldn't remember his own name.
I've been running it ever since in a supposedly temporary capacity.
- Hey, Annie. - Morning. Hi.
- Annie, sorry to bother you. - Yeah?
- Is Ros still not in? - No, but I'll take care of it.
Thanks, Katie.
As my sister, Ros, can attest...
- Hey. - You all right?
Finding a likeminded partner in this town can be a challenge.
- What? - Nothing.
- She's hot. She's got a tight body. - Yeah. Yeah.
So when this bloke moves to town 15 years ago
to guest lecture a course
on the American cinema and the alienated male,
well, it was pretty cool.
I fell in love quickly.
Back then we'd jabber on about movies and books and music.
He would actually listen.
- Yeah... - Never get that gate.
Well, sometimes.
Now, his own obsessions dominate my life.
And it's become clear that all along, he's been in love with another man.
Not like that, but in an equally consuming and, quite frankly, really bothersome way.
No, no, no. Didn't I send you an article on this just last week?
He is the ringleader of a community of 200 middle-aged men
who gather together to obsessively deconstruct
their hero's music and attempt to crack his mysteries.
That's a really interesting theory...
That's what I said.
...that I've heard a thousand times.
Annie. Annie.
- This is Carly. - Hi.
- Lovely to meet you. - Lovely to meet you, too.
- Isn't she amazing? - Yes.
- She's older than she looks. - Welcome. Come in. Nice to meet you.
- Thank you. - She's fit.
How'd you guys meet?
It's funny, actually.
Because I was just walking down the street,
and then I just saw her face, basically,
and I was just like wow, I have to speak to that girl.
And then she was being all funny about giving me her phone number,
but I stole her phone, put my number in and we've just been texting.
Yeah, it just went from there, I guess.
Cake's delicious, by the way.
- Thank you. - I still can't believe these are edible.
Oh, yeah. Marzipan.
My... my boyfriend, he's a baker.
- Ex... ex-boyfriend. - My ex. Sorry, my ex.
Yeah, he's not going to believe this.
So, do you guys have kids?
Oh, no, they're against Duncan's religion.
- Ros, she's joking. - She's not, actually.
Annie and I decided a long, long time ago, that babies weren't our jam.
- Oh! - Sorry, I was just...
The important thing is we're happy where we are.
I mean, who wants to bring kids into this bloody world?
- Fuck kids. - You know?
Right?
- Fuck them. - Every aspect of civilization
has gone to the dogs, with the notable exception of TV.
TV is good.
Yeah. People watch it, don't they?
I guess my point is I just don't think that the world needs more kids.
- I think we get it. - Yeah.
Ros says you're into some really old rock musician.
What's his name again? Tucker Crowey?
Tucker Crowe, actually.
Never heard of him. What's he about?
Where do I start? Um...
- You're going to be here hours. - Let me play you
- some of his stuff. - Oh God, please,
don't bore her with the slideshow.
Was Juliet his girlfriend?
It was just Julie, actually.
Let me introduce you. Come over here.
- You ready? - Yeah.
- That's him. - Wow, he's so gorgeous.
Thank you.
What the fuck is that?
Remember the shark that washed up on the beach that summer?
- Yeah. - Someone saved the eye.
Why?
Oh! Look at that.
- Oh, it's really intriguing. - Mm, it is, isn't it?
Is this all we have for the exhibition?
Just some sad, old snapshots?
Look at how they're posed. I wonder what happened to them.
I think it's really poignant. A very poignant moment.
I wonder if they did the murder before or after they went to the beach.
Ros, shut up.
These are the pawns.
They're like the soldiers.
They move like this. One space forward only.
So how do you get to be the king?
How, indeed.
Even David Simon himself resisted the label "Dickensian".
Sure, there are detailed depictions of every strata of society,
but no kindly uncle is going to drop by to let them know
that... that Wallace has fallen into an unforeseen fortune.
The good are not rewarded on the streets.
Moral clarity exists not.
As we jump into season two, I've created a glossary of terms,
because some of you have complained, nay, whinged,
about the complexity of the lexicon.
Hopefully, this should help you out.
"Five-O." The police, or polis.
"Shorty." Attractive female,
or alternately, a half-pint of liquor.
Hi. Sorry, excuse me.
I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions
about that whole "Greek tragedy paradigm" thing.
Oh, you know, my office hours are actually on a Monday.
- We can discuss it then, maybe. - Oh, right. Yes. Sorry.
I'm... I'm not actually a student. I...
I just started teaching.
So I've been sitting in on different classes,
trying to see how the professionals do it.
- Oh, well, welcome. - Thank you.
- Gina. Hi. - Duncan.
So that Greek tragedy thing...?
Right. Yeah...
I guess my point was that these characters...
they're already bound to their fate.
- Like Antigone. - Wow.
Or Medea.
So I have to read Antigone to understand The Wire?
Not strictly speaking, but it wouldn't hurt.
"Thought you'd want to hear this.
Original demo recording from a certain album of particular interest..."
Shit.
So I just came up with my own class.
Body, Drama and Catharsis.
It's essentially healing through movement.
- Dance therapy. - No, not dance.
- Oh? - Movement.
- Oh, completely different. - Completely different.
- I don't know what I was thinking. - No, I love dance.
I'm a dancer, and I'm still a dancer.
But... okay, I'm going to sound like a wanker,
but I'm going to say it anyway.
I believe in the power of art.
I believe that creativity can change people's lives.
That's fucking refreshing.
I just... I hope you haven't come to the wrong place.
- Why? - The next Bob Dylan
could be playing up there,
these people wouldn't look up from their fucking sudoku.
Shit.
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
I had a faculty meeting.
- Oh, I see you've cooked. - Yeah.
Yeah, I was just reheating the ziti from last night.
Or I was trying to, I know. That was terrible, that pan.
Why aren't you wearing any clothes?
It was so weird. I bought this dress online, and so...
and then I just... this went off, so I came down here.
But...
You're acting very strangely.
- Am I? - Yeah.
- Have you got a man up there? - Oh, I wish.
- What are you listening to? - Huh?
- No, no, hold on. Shh, don't tell me. - I think it's um...
Is that the Radio Tokyo tapes? Yeah?
Did he play "Twentieth Call of the Day" on that recording?
I don't know if he...
- No, no, no, don't stop it. - What? I don't...
- No, don't turn it down. Let me guess. - No, no, no, let me explain,
- Shh... - because I don't want you to get upset.
Sorry, just shut up. I want to guess.
It's nothing.
I mean, obviously it's "Twentieth Call of the Day,"
but from what? I can't place it.
Hmm. Okay, okay, I give up. What is it?
It's called Juliet, Naked.
There's no album called Juliet, Naked.
I guess someone unearthed the demos from Juliet,
and then they sent it to you in a package with a note.
This is... this is from Lucas at the label.
It's addressed to me,
- but you've opened it. - I always open your post,
otherwise it sits there for weeks unopened.
- And then you went and listened to it! - I'm sorry.
You listened to it before me?
- I apologize. I just... - You played it?
- Oh, Annie, you... - Oh, Duncan!
That... I need to listen to this on my own.
- It stinks of betrayal in here. - I'm very sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you.
Ah...
You fucker. You fucker.
Bastards.
Who uses D batteries?
Why do we never have any batteries?
I buy batteries. Bloody millions of them!
But you use them,
and God forbid you replace the batteries!
Stop saying batteries!
Oh, my God, I've got batteries.
Jesus.
There.
Hello. I'm sorry.
I was so petty. So stupid.
What does it matter who hears it first?
I'm... I'm really sorry, too.
I... I feel terrible.
I should have warned you that it was so dreary.
I didn't say anything.
- Dreary? - Yeah.
I mean, I suppose it's interesting
if you've heard the finished version, but...
What did you think?
- What did I think? - Yeah.
I think it's a bloody masterpiece, Annie.
- Dreary? - You can't be serious.
Oh, what else is dreary according to you?
The Sopranos? Hamlet?
Geez, Louise.
This is history, Annie. I'm going to write it.
It is not history, it's boring versions of songs
that you've heard a million times before.
Oh, my God, you think that's what this is?
This is big for me, that this... this has happened.
And I just don't want to spend my time
in the aftermath of this new information
with someone who doesn't get it.
I want to spend it with people who do.
Morning.
Hey.
Things are pretty wild on the forum this morning.
A hundred and fifty seven comments. Do you want tea?
Hmm? Did you say something?
The response to my review has been incredible.
If I don't send the guys some files soon, they're going to murder me.
Oh, 158.
Oh, somebody new.
This is a long one.
"Relic Master" they go by.
They claim to have already heard the album.
I doubt that.
Let's see what they...
"Juliet, Naked is naked all right.
A naked attempt to squeeze a few more quid
out of a long-dead career."
Sounds like you and he would get along swimmingly.
She.
No, I seriously doubt it's a woman.
We don't get a lot of lady visitors.
Well, it is.
Okay.
I see.
What are you going to do? Are you going to ban me?
- Or block me because I disagree with you? - No, that's against site rules.
Everybody's entitled to their opinion.
However unnuanced.
As long as you're civil you can write any old shit.
Oh, thank you so much.
Oh, Annie.
What?
You just told me that I was entitled to my opinion.
But, "listless", "enervated"?
"Flaccid"?
I'm going to put a bullet in my fucking mouth
if I have to talk about Tucker Crowe any more today.
It doesn't make any sense.
How could these sketches for songs
be considered better than the finished product, right?
- Exactly. - How could leaving something half-formed
be better than if you worked on it
until it was the completed thing that it was meant to be?
Agreed.
Eighteen other people agree with me, too.
Look, look, see?
"Well said, Relic Master."
- Wow, look at that. - Right? Right?
Because I made the point very clearly, and without any bullying or any smugness.
Shit! The mayor's here.
I don't get it.
This is not what we talked about.
Well, my thinking was
that we'd tell the story of the summer through normal people.
So, I mean, for instance, look at this image.
- Like, the emotional narrative... - You think people want to pay money
to see other people's snapshots?
- No... - Jesus Christ, can you let her finish.
She's got a whole bloody concept planned out
- if you just listen to her. - Ros, it's okay.
Let me explain it clearer.
This is what gets people talking.
- What, a shark's eye? - Your dad loved this stuff.
He knew what the people of Sandcliff wanted to see.
Yeah, and in case you've forgotten, Annie was by his side the whole time.
- Ros, it's okay. I can handle it. - No, I'm sorry, but if it wasn't for her
then this whole place would be boarded up.
This is not what it was supposed to be.
Summer of '64. Heat wave. Rock concerts. The fire at the bingo.
Do you know I've got the original poster for the Rolling Stones concert at the ABC
with their autographs?
That's what I'm talking about, you see?
All right, only Bill Wyman signed it,
- but that's what people want to see... - "Bingo. You nailed it.
I couldn't have explained it better myself.
All good things, Tucker Crowe.
P.S., the folks on that website, they seem pretty weird,
so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass on the address.
Thanks."
Annie?
Huh?
- Yup, got it. - Good.
Good.
It isn't really you, is it?
So, what about hot dogs?
Well, I like hot dogs and you like hot dogs,
but I don't know if Lizzie likes hot dogs.
I've forgotten who Lizzie is again.
- Come on, man. She's your sister. - Yeah, but why is she my sister?
Because you've got the same dad, that's why.
- You're her dad, too? - Yup.
Like you're Cooper and Jesse's dad?
- Bingo. - So who's her mom this time?
- Her mom is Natalie. - Natalie from the school nurse's office?
She's so nice.
No, Natalie from London, England.
Lizzie grew up in London,
and now she's going to college here, you know, somewhere upstate.
But why wouldn't she like hot dogs?
Well, I don't know. Some people, you know,
they think it's wrong to eat meat...
Yes, it is really me.
Although, I can't think of a real way of proving it to you.
How about this...
I didn't see the face of God in a Minneapolis toilet bowl.
I haven't been secretly making R&B albums with Lauryn Hill.
I don't have 200 hours' worth of material locked in a shed,
contrary to what your friends on your website may think.
In fact, my guitar hasn't been out of its case for years.
I currently live in the garage
behind the house where my son Jackson lives with my ex.
Can you take this to your mom?
- What's this? - It's a check.
- Where'd you get it? - I earned it.
But you don't do anything.
It's for something I did a long time ago.
- What are you gonna buy with it then? - Nothing, man.
- Just take it, will you? Thank you. - Mom!
Jackson's mom has been letting me stay here rent-free
for the past few years.
So, I guess I owe her a lot.
- Hey, babe. - And understandably,
I irritate her.
- Good night. - Good night.
Have fun.
The point is if I wasn't me,
I'd have made myself sound a lot more appealing.
So, yeah, it's me.
Tell me about you. What's your story?
Thanks for sharing, but I think I've had enough
Tucker bloody Crowe to last 20 lifetimes.
Shit.
Fuck it.
Dear Tucker, as long as we're putting our least attractive foot forward,
I'm writing this from my office
under the watchful eye of a pickled dead shark.
It's the centerpiece of a show I'm curating about the summer of '64.
A summer where nothing much happened, really,
except the beaching of the aforementioned dead shark.
On the plus side, the show is a good excuse
to hire my unemployable sister.
God, another one already? She's married, right?
Yeah, but she reached out to me on Facebook.
You know, she said we should catch up.
And you took that as a romantic overture?
Well, yeah. For your information, we actually ended up snogging in the pub
and she loved it.
I just... I don't know, when we drove home she got all weird.
Yeah, probably because of her husband.
Yeah, but you should see her posts.
It's all like her and Gary and the baby, and they're all smiling.
It's like nothing screams "repressed lesbian"
like having a husband and two kids, does it?
I don't know if you're right about that.
I thought I could just put it all in an email,
but then I just thought maybe I'd do like a handwritten note,
because it's more personal, isn't it?
So I thought I could just sort of put it in her letterbox later, don't you think?
Are you serious?
- Yeah. - Don't do that.
Maybe I should go fish it out.
- Did you do it already? - Yeah.
Fuck, you're a moron. One second!
Why are you attracted to these situations? What is wrong with you?
Come in!
- Ready to look through these? - Yeah.
You say the truth about you is disappointing.
At least you have a past to live up to.
Should I put orange here?
It's your call, man.
What do you think?
Yeah, maybe.
Some creative remnants that prove you existed.
Anyway...
if you want to see some old shark parts, just shout.
That's about all I have to offer right now.
Yours truly...
Best regards...
Best wishes...
Annie.
Tucker?
Lizzie. Hey.
- Hi. - How was your trip?
On... on time.
Um, this is Jackson.
- Hi, Jackson. - Hi, Lizzie.
- I'm your brother. - Half-brother, actually.
- So, uh, you've changed. - Since I was nine.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Can I... can I take your bags?
Well, hey...
You want to... yes, great. Here you go, buddy.
Yeah, hop up front there.
You want a coffee? You want a...?
No, I'm good.
You're good? Yeah, I'm good, too.
Whoo!
Lizzie...
Yeah?
- Are you coming for Christmas? - Buddy, she just got here this time.
Just be glad she's here now.
Jesse and Cooper are coming at Christmas.
We don't know that Cooper and Jesse are coming.
- They might come. - I don't know.
Who are Jesse and Cooper?
They're my brothers.
They're twins.
Cat had kids from before?
No, no, they're mine.
From Carrie?
Yeah, sorry, I...
They're 12, you know?
I just... I thought... I thought you knew.
- What's two more? - Yeah! Right?
Parenting, you know.
Sometimes I think I could use a manual.
Hmm, for tips such as,
"Always tell your kids they have siblings?"
Yeah. It sounds obvious when you say it, but...
I, um...
I tracked down Grace, by the way.
Who's Grace?
Why would you do that?
Hi, Mom.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Hey. Welcome. - Nice to finally meet you.
Let me take your coat.
You look beautiful.
Thanks.
Recently, my past has been catching up with me in surprising ways.
I just found out I'm going to be a grandfather.
And I'm ashamed to say that my first thought was "fuck!"
I can't be that old.
But I did the math, and I am.
Naturally, I lost some years to copious drugs and alcohol consumption.
And 14 years of Law & Order.
It's a good show.
You know, I look at my beautiful daughter
and realize that two decades have slipped through my fingers.
So, who's the dad?
His name's Zak. He lives in my dorm.
He's a musician... and a big fan.
Well, do you think he's going to help support the baby?
- You mean because he's a musician? - Yeah.
This one's a good person.
Oh, well, that's a relief.
And... you guys, you're married?
Oh, well, we were.
Well, never officially.
Yeah, it was official.
- Was it? - Yeah.
Maybe. I don't know. We're not together anymore.
- But you run the farm together? - What farm?
- I thought this was a sheep farm. - It's not a farm.
I mean, I grow some tomatoes, but, yeah. Where'd you... where'd you hear that?
Some weird fan site.
Hmm. What else did they say?
They say you've been holed up in the music studio,
plotting your comeback.
By studio, do you mean the old garage where he sleeps
- and eats and watches TV? - Takes care of Jackson.
Well, maybe you should write a letter to the editor correcting the record.
That way your children might get some accurate information about you.
I'm going back to London next week.
- I'm having the baby there. - You're having a baby?
Mm-hmm.
You're going to be an uncle.
Cool, huh?
You mention your two missing decades.
I myself have a hunch I've wasted the last 15 years of my life.
A lot of great shows coming up. Oh, look at that.
Jupiter Moon are playing Minehead the 3rd of September.
I must put it in the diary, to fucking miss it.
Oh, God.
And I'm not sure what to do about it.
Although, given your history,
it doesn't sound like you're in a position to advise.
Is it normal for granddads also to be dads?
Of course. By definition, a granddad has to be a dad first, right?
You couldn't be a granddad without also being a dad.
Impossible.
Yeah, but none of the other kids at school have dads who are also granddads.
You realize that just 'cause I'm a granddad
doesn't mean I'm old, right?
I mean, I'm going to live a long time.
You're going to have kids of your own,
ex-wives of your own long before I kick the bucket, all right?
Lean back, I'm going to rinse your hair.
Here you go.
What to do if you've wasted 15 years of your life?
All right, first off, you have to whittle that number down.
Subtract all the time spent reading good books,
having enjoyable conversations and sleeping,
because those are important things.
And you should be able to bring that squandered time
down to more like 10, and anything under a decade
you're allowed to write off for tax purposes.
That's a joke.
Yeah, I'm still pretty sick about what I've lost.
But I only admit it to myself late at night,
which is probably why I'm not a great sleeper.
I hope this helps. Sorry.
But still, maybe it'd be useful to know more the specifics of your situation.
- Do you really want to... - Annie!
Do you really want to know the specifics?
- You sure you're good with that salad? - Yeah.
Easy on the olive oil. You just want to drizzle it.
My boyfriend and I are child-free.
A conscious decision we made, rather smugly,
thinking parenthood would be a miserable trap we'd cleverly avoid.
But there's more to it than that.
My dad died when Ros was only 12,
and we'd already lost our mom.
So it was just the two of us.
By the time my boyfriend and I moved in together,
I'd had my share of parenting.
Or so I thought.
Now, with irritating predictability, I've started aching for a child,
for all the usual reasons, like wanting to feel unconditional love,
as opposed to faint, conditional affection.
Hurry up, Annie!
Don't dare put truffle oil on mine.
Yeah, I'm coming.
Drizzle it.
I fantasize about things like being able to sit up
with my teenage daughter late at night
and help her work through her first terrible sexual experience.
Does that sound demented?
Last year, I tried to bring up
the whole baby thing again to my boyfriend,
and let's just say he shut it down.
I've sometimes wondered what would happen
if I just decided to blow up my whole life and have a kid on my own.
But then reality hits me and suddenly I realize,
who the fuck am I kidding? I can't do that.
- I mean, Bridget has a kid on her own. - Case in point.
She's the most depressing person on the planet.
I'm sorry about that ache.
I wish I knew the thing to say.
I don't imagine this is much of a consolation,
but I've brought a lot of kids into the world,
and most of them are just reminders of how I've blown it in that department.
Sometimes my life looks like
an endless streak of staring responsibility directly in the eye,
and then running the other way.
Hey.
So if the spirit ever moves you...
Hey, how do you even know about Grace?
You let it slip to Mom
back when you were in love and X-ing or something.
Look, I realize it's an unforgivable chapter of my life,
but I'm hoping not to be judged by that alone, okay?
- Okay. - We're heading out. Let's go.
Just trying to do a better job, you know?
I mean, that shouldn't be too hard, you know?
- You... - Yeah.
You going to take care of yourself, and do what the doctor tells you,
and eat your prenatal vitamins and all that?
- Yes. - Okay, then, give me a hug.
Okay.
Lizzie...
Yeah?
Thank you for coming.
I wish it was more fun.
It's all right.
- Bye, Tucker. - Bye.
Is it weird to say I'm jealous of your selfish impulses?
Somehow, every time I face an irresponsible desire,
fear convinces me to stay put.
I keep thinking at some point,
there'll be a reward for being so sensible.
Duncan?
- Can I have a word? - What did I do?
- Oh, no, nothing. - Oh.
Oh, it's just, um, I read your blog.
Someone's looking for extra credit.
Um, you have quite a thing for Tucker Crowe.
Guilty.
Television has always been my mistress, but Tucker is really my...
- Your wife? - It's a flawed analogy.
Then I spent the whole night trying to find somewhere to stream Juliet, Naked.
- Oh, she's elusive. - Oh, she is.
- Let me tell you straight... - Oh, God, there's my bus.
- Sorry. - Oh, no...
Gina!
"We're in Trouble".
What?
The name of this song... "We're in Trouble".
It's really odd to be saying all this to a stranger,
or whatever it is you are, Tucker.
I've just read through this thread
and I've realized I've been sharing thoughts
I've never said aloud to anybody.
That's not a good sign, is it?
I mean, maybe it is, but I've told my boyfriend
nothing of our little email affair.
It's like I'm dabbling in betrayal.
Shit. Please delete that last email. I don't know where that came from.
"Betrayal?"
That's so dramatic. Ignore.
Sorry. Too late.
I opened it. I read it.
And I loved it.
And by "met" I presume we're talking
- about more than just meeting. - Yes.
A bit more than that.
You slept with her.
- Who is she? - Oh, you wouldn't know her.
Who are you sleeping with?
You know, I wouldn't use the present continuous, personally.
I think that "Who have you slept with" is a fairer question.
Even better, "With whom did this possibly one-off incident...?"
Oh, my God, Duncan! Just shut up and tell me!
Gina is the lady's, um...
She's junior faculty...
- She's a colleague from work. She's... - Of course.
- Don't tell me, what, it just happened? - Not really.
We just kind of clicked, I guess.
I actually had played her Juliet, Naked,
- and she really responded... - Stop, stop, stop.
Why are you telling me this?
Because you asked.
- And I thought it best to be honest. - Oh, you did?
And if I'm honest... I feel better.
I think that you would feel exactly the same in my shoes.
I would never just be honest about cheating to make myself feel better.
Okay, and then how would I know if you had cheated?
I wouldn't do it in the first place.
A lamb bhuna and a chicken korma.
Mine is the lamb. Yeah.
Enjoy.
I've really messed up, haven't I?
That's what I thought.
Can I ask...
do you think there's any way back for me?
Because, right now, I think that's how I'm leaning.
Oh...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Annie, easy.
- We don't need to do it all straightaway. - I know, I'm not going to tear them.
God. Fuck.
I mean, this just makes it feel so real.
It is real, Duncan.
I know.
I'm just saying, there's a lot of history in this room.
It feels like we're being very hasty.
Plus, it's raining out.
You know this stuff can't get wet.
- You have Simon's car. - Yeah, but then
there's the walk from here to the car.
I mean, cardboard and water...
I don't have the right boxes for it.
I don't.
Can we just do it soon, please?
It's a bit fiddly. I'm good.
I got it. Got it.
I don't have the fingernails.
Just keep it. Just keep it. Keep it.
Okay, fine. Don't hug back.
This is obviously the moment.
For what?
To finally get the hell out of here.
- Right. - What? Why not?
Nothing. No, it's nothing. I was just, you know...
I've got the museum and the house, and you're here,
- and I'm not just going to... - I'm not just an excuse, Annie.
I can look after myself.
I'm not 12 anymore.
Care to dance?
- Oh, sorry, love, I'm a lesbian. - No, you're not.
That's what birds say when they don't want to take me home.
Can't speak for the rest,
but I was gay even before you danced for us.
What about you? Do you like men?
Yeah, some men.
- Noted. Moving on. - All right.
- Well, that was rude, wasn't it? - How was that rude?
Imagine those moves in the sack.
Wow, he's very flexible.
You need a little bit of a proper shag now, don't you?
Is that so?
- Well, well. That explains it. - What?
You already fancy someone, don't you?
- No. - Come on, cough it up.
- Who is it? - It's nobody. It's just...
Well, I did... I met someone on the Internet.
I love it. The Internet.
God, you're finally entering the modern age.
Which site was it? One for clever people, no doubt.
HornierStories.com?
Duncan's website.
Another Tucker Crowe loser?
- Oh, Jesus, Annie, are you mental? - No... no, it's weirder than that.
It's... it's actually Tucker Crowe.
- No, it's not. - I'm not kidding.
Tucker Crowe.
- As in, Duncan's idol Tucker Crowe. - Yes.
What happened was he read that review I posted.
- This is that syndrome, isn't it? - What syndrome?
Where someone falls in love with their captor.
We're never... you know, we're just pen pals.
We were pen pals.
I don't know what you're supposed to call it.
We were just having emailing back and forth.
- Yeah, I don't know. - So...
Oh, look at that.
Go on, Annie. Dance with him.
- And have some fun. - I really don't want to.
- I'm Barnsey. - Hi, Barnsey. I'm Annie.
- Come on, Annie. - It looks pretty complicated.
- Come on, I'll teach you. - You can do it. Go on, Annie.
- It wouldn't hurt to move a bit. - Exactly, come on.
- Something like that. - Are you fucking kidding me?
- Okay? Come on. - I'm not doing that.
No, no, no, you'll be fine.
Whoo!
Big news.
I'm coming to London.
- Let's go, Jackson! - The baby came five weeks early,
so now it's official... I'm a grandpa.
And given the precariousness of it all,
I've decided that I should be there.
- To Kennedy airport, my man. - You got it.
I scrounged up enough money from those demos for Jackson to come, too.
So we're going to be in London tomorrow.
Which leads me to ask this: are we fine as we are,
or would you like to meet for a drink?
Oh, my God, what a crazy coincidence.
I was actually planning to pop over to London tomorrow to see an old friend.
So this is actually fortuitous timing, actually.
Why not say we'll meet at the Tate Modern at 5:00.
My mobile number's below.
Uh, call, text anytime.
And congratulations, Grandpa.
- You okay? - Yeah. Are you?
- You got Steve? - Yeah.
Now be careful here, they drive on the wrong side.
A truck could run you over.
- Gee, do you feel jet-lagged? - No.
You're okay? All right, good.
May I help you?
- Shit. - Dad!
Dad! Dad!
Hello?
Hi, it's Tucker.
I'm dying to hear your excuse.
Well, it's-it's... it's pretty good. Um...
- I had a heart attack. - What?
Mm-hm. Well, it was mild, but, um... it was enough.
Are you serious?
- Are you okay? What can I do? - I was hoping to lure you to
the University College Hospital cardiology wing?
Of course.
Yeah, of course. Just...
Oh, sorry.
- Can I get you anything? - No.
Yeah, I don't need anything. Maybe something to read.
No problem. Is Jackson okay? Is he there with you?
Oh, no, no. He's fine. He's doing good.
Thanks for asking.
Hello?
- Oh, hi. - Hi.
You must be Annie.
- Come on in. - Yes.
- I would stand up, but... - No, please.
- Oh, my goodness. - How are you?
Hey.
Sorry, I'm s... I'm blanking.
This is much easier in writing.
Well, I would say that we could take out our phones, you know,
and write each other,
but the Internet here is terrible.
- I got you... - See, I knew I shouldn't have said that.
It's nothing, honestly.
- No, it's... thank you. - No, no. Not at all.
Yeah, it's about a transatlantic epistolary friendship.
- Not to put too fine a point on it. - No, I think I saw this movie.
It's not nearly as good as the memoir.
But obviously, no pressure to read it, of course.
Pressure's a choice, right?
- Thank you. - How are you feeling? How do you feel?
Um...
I had an angioplasty.
Wow, what's an angioplasty?
They stick balloons into you and blow them up.
Wow, balloons.
- That sounds really crazy. - Jackson, this is Annie.
- Hey. Nice to meet you, Jackson. - Hi, Annie.
- Nice to meet you, too. - Yeah.
- Oh, no. - Just need to change
- your catheter, Mr. Crowe. - Where does that go?
Shall we... shall we get a snack?
- Yeah, that'd be great, thank you. - Why don't we go for a walk?
Okay, we'll be back.
So, how was your trip over here?
- Did you watch anything? - Dora.
Oh.
Do bumpy plane rides give people heart attacks?
Um...
Yeah, I think they could probably contribute, actually.
Hmm... probably what happened.
Your dad probablyjust got a bit nervous.
But then wouldn't more people get heart attacks on planes?
Yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah.
You want a bite?
Sure. Thanks.
So, he's in the NICU, huh? How much does he weigh?
Last night, he was like 2.2 pounds or something.
- Wow. - Kilos, Zak.
- Otherwise, he'd be dead. - Okay, that's better.
And how about you? How are you feeling?
Fine. How are you feeling?
I'm okay.
- Hey. - Hey, little man.
- Lizzie, Zak. - Hey, Annie,
I want you to meet my daughter, Lizzie.
Lizzie, this is Annie. And Annie, this is Zak.
This is the man of the hour. The father.
Oh, it's nice to meet you. Congratulations on your little boy.
- Is he okay? - Yeah. His name's Dexter
and he's doing good. He's 2.2 kilos.
Annie's my friend from England.
We were supposed to hook up yesterday, but then that didn't go so well.
- We don't even know each other... - Well, we know each other.
We met on a website.
- A website? - Not that kind of website.
Yeah, not like...
- It was a music forum. - Wow.
But I'm actually going to head off. It was lovely to meet you.
- Hey, Annie, please don't go. - I hope your boy is doing good.
I want to talk to you...
- Cooper! Jesse! - Cooper? Jesse?
What are you guys doing here?
These are my sons Cooper and Jessie.
Come here, guys. Give it in for your dad.
Give me a hug, man. Look at you. You're so tall.
Wow. Man, check you out.
Man, you're handsome. Hey, guess what?
This is your sister Lizzie.
- Lizzie, this is Cooper and Jessie. - Half-sister.
- Yeah, I know. Half-sister. - Hi.
Cooper's the tall one. Jessie is the also tall one.
So, how'd you guys find me? How'd you get here? Hey.
- How'd you guys get here? - We flew.
- Plane. - I called Carrie.
You called Carrie?
- No. - Yeah. They thought
you were gonna die and you might want to see your children,
- whom we've never met. - I'm not going to die.
- Even if I was going to die... - I'm going to head off.
- I'm going to slip away. - Two seconds. I just...
I want to talk to you. Oh, my God. No way. Wait...
- What is going on? - Don't go.
Hi, Carrie. Apparently, I'm going to make it.
The doctor said I was brilliant for having a heart attack in a hospital.
All this way and you're fine?
- Yeah, I'm sorry to disappoint you. - Ten thousand dollars.
- Perfect. - What does that mean, $10,000?
Well, they weren't gonna fly coach to see their biological father die.
Anyway, we're fine, thanks for asking.
You didn't give me two seconds, all right?
How are you? How's...
- How's... What's your stepdad's name? - Doug.
- Thank you. How's Doug? - He's great.
- He's training for a triathlon. - Oh!
Sorry, I know, exercise... big trigger for you.
It's not a trigger, it's just who does that?
- There he is. Tucker. - Oh. Hey.
Didn't get off to the best of starts in old London town?
- How are you, Tucker? Hello, darling. - Hey, Mummy.
And it's pretty ripe in here, Tucker.
Are you due a sponge bath?
Natalie, this is my friend Annie.
Annie, this is my ex Natalie, and Mark.
And Natalie, you and Carrie, you two have met, right?
- Oh, yeah, fuck. Right, right. - How do you do?
- Oh, come off it, Natalie. - Darling.
I also called Grace.
What's going on with you?
- Who's Grace? - Lizzie, what...?
She's your daughter and this has gone on long enough.
- What's gone on long enough? - You pretending we don't exist.
I'm not pretending you don't exist.
I came all the way over here to see you.
That's unclear.
- What does that mean? - Honestly, I can vouch for him.
Nothing to do with... It was complete coincidence.
- Even so. - What do you mean even so?
- I flew 3,500 miles to see you. - Daddy.
Oh, look at him bean-counting.
- I'm not bean-counting! - He did that with the divorce.
- I'm just explaining the reason... - Dad!
- Jackson, please, stop... - He's quite the martyr.
He's taking time out of his busy schedule
- to meet his grandson for the first time. - I'm not being a martyr, okay?
I'm just trying to point out the fact that I flew
all this way to see you and meet the baby, okay?
And yet here we all are crowded around your hospital bed.
- Because I had a heart attack, all right? - Dad!
- You think I planned that? - I don't know, maybe. Subconsciously.
- Dad! - Listen, I've had three heart attacks,
- and didn't plan any of them. - You had three?
Yes, and he didn't make
- a song and dance about any of them. - I'm not making a song and dance.
Frankly, I didn't invite any of you in here, okay?
See, that is exactly what I'm talking about.
- Come on, don't be so sensitive. - It's like we're this inconvenience.
- Like you hate us all or something. - I don't hate you.
That's not what I'm saying. I'm just... Come on, I'm under siege here.
If you really cared about us, you'd want us
- to know our siblings, for example. - I do want you to know!
- What am I supposed to do, have a picnic? - Yes! No.
- At least check in... - Dad.
- ...like a normal father. - Yeah, well, this is not...
Stop it, Jackson. This is not a normal situation, for Christ's sake.
- Dad! - Jackson, stop it, okay?
Jackson, I'm sorry.
The doctor said you need to rest.
Okay. Hey, Zak. Come on. Hey, buddy.
Zak, play that song that you were talking...
- My song? - Don't do it, Zak.
He is reallyjust trying to change the subject.
- I really want to hear it. - He really doesn't care.
I'm begging you, dude. Play the song.
You're just going to make a fool of yourself.
No, dude, play the song.
You all right?
It's pretty crazy in there, huh?
Whose mom are you again?
I'm nobody's mom.
- It was nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, too.
- Bye, Annie. - Bye.
Hello?
Thank you for picking up.
- Okay, I owe you an apology. - No.
It was silly of me to come.
I don't know what I was thinking.
No, it was... it was kind of you to come.
- Oh... - Look...
one of the big problems with screwing up
the first half of your life is, you know, try as you might,
you can't press reset, you know?
I mean, I... I can't get to zero, you know?
And I was just wondering if you would...
If we could try this one more time again tomorrow?
Are they still there, your ex-girlfriends?
- They were very nice. - No, no, everybody's gone.
Hey.
Everybody except Jackson, says Jackson.
Here he is. He wants to talk to you.
Hi, Annie. I found out what a catheter is.
You know, the truth is, I was...
I was secretly hoping that maybe you would
invite Jackson and me to Sandcliff.
- Sandcliff? Jesus, why? - Sandcliff.
Why? Because we looked it up on the Internet, and it looked great.
Like a great place to recover, you know?
And look, I blew it yesterday, you know?
- I want to make it up to you. - By inviting yourself over?
That's what I was thinking, yeah.
What about your family?
Well, the boys went to the airport.
They're flying home, right?
And Lizzie's, you know, getting some much-needed rest.
I just don't think I'm equipped to look after you.
I wouldn't know how to give you an angioplasty,
- or whatever it is with the balloons. - Angioplasty?
If God forbid, something...
That's a little forward, don't you think?
Sorry, that did sound vaguely inappropriate.
But you know what I mean, and it's just...
I don't know if it'd be fun for Jackson, really,
to be honest, it's not such a fun place.
Well, you still have that shark's eye?
- What? Yeah. - Yeah.
Well, that's a happy afternoon right there.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You have a shark's eye?
Would that interest you?
Yeah, I love sharks. Look at my bag.
Waterloo station, Jackson.
Most famous spot in all of London.
- Really? - For real.
I mean, if you're a Kinks fan.
Are we almost there? Because I really need to pee.
Come here, Jackson. It's just... it's just in here, my dear.
Just up here.
There you go, buddy.
- Okay, I'll leave it to you. - Can you stay?
- Yeah. Sure. - Could you close the door?
- Everything okay? - Yeah.
Yeah, all good in here.
Don't forget to wash your hands, buddy.
Show her what we're made of.
Wow, this place is nice. Yeah.
Beautiful spot.
Oh, uh...
Tucker, are you...?
Tucker, you're not downstairs, are you? Because I...
I must explain this. Oh, God. I'm sorry. I've... I can explain this.
"Maxwell's, '89, Bar Astro-Dusseldorf".
Did I play at Dusseldorf?
It's not what it looks like. I can explain.
That's me and my high school chess club.
- Really? - Yeah.
I can explain this to you. I know this looks weird.
Remember the review on the website?
And the guy... it was a really over-the-top review,
and you called him like a sad-sack blogger.
- Oh, Duncan-something? - Yes! God.
Oh, my God, if he knew that you knew his name...
So, that guy is the guy.
- Oh, that's your 15 years of... - Yes!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Bingo. That's it. That's it.
And this is his room... shrine... temple...
- where he lived and worshiped you. - Wow.
- Me and him. - Yes.
- Together forever. - The only reason
I've heard of you is because of him.
So what better way to get back at your ex
- than get me back here. - No, no.
Parade me around Sandcliff like a trophy, right?
I'm feeling a little cheap. I'm feeling a little used.
- I am. - That's a really interesting theory.
And-and-and I appreciate why you would think that.
But it was your idea to come here in the first place.
- That's true. - Yeah.
I don't feel this way about you at all.
I've been down here like twice in the last five years.
I'm not trying to trap you
or, like, cut your head off, or whatever.
I can't be at the phone right now, so just leave a message.
Duncan, it's me. Can you call me, please?
It's very important. Call me back.
Oh, shit.
- Oh-oh, shit. - What's up?
Annie's down at the beach.
Shit.
Yeah, she saw me. I better... I better go down.
If I blank her, she'll be devastated.
I'll be right back, okay?
- Annie! - Shit.
Annie!
- Hey. - Did you get my message?
I've been trying to call you. I really need to tell you something.
- I wanted to chat to... - How've you been?
- Good. - You look...
- I wanted to tell you something... - You look well.
I just... I really needed to talk to you about something.
- That's why I was reaching out. - I've taken up exercising.
- FitBit. Started with jogging... - Do you remember that review I wrote?
Oh...
Yeah.
- I overreacted, Annie. - No.
- It was not my finest hour. - A couple of days after that.
- It was the strangest thing... - You weren't totally wrong, by the way.
There was a lot of negativity in what you said, but there were things that weren't...
"Twentieth Call of the Day" is maudlin.
- I realize that now. - Doesn't matter.
The strangest sequence of events started after that.
Uh-oh, who's this? You've got a man with you, Annie.
I'm trying to tell you, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
- It's fine. - That's him. Cause it was so strange.
Hi there. Lovely day for the beach.
- Fuck! - What? Everything all right?
- Yeah. I just... - You're a friend of Annie's?
Yeah.
Making some sandcastles with your little boy?
- This is Duncan. - It was bound to happen. It's fine.
- We were going to run in... - Gina's here, so...
- This is Duncan. - Duncan Thomson.
Tucker Crowe.
That's what I was trying to tell you.
I'm Stevie fucking Wonder.
- Okay, let's take it easy. - Who do you want to be?
Eartha fucking Kitt? We're all somebody.
- Hey. - Just take it easy.
- Real fucking mature, Annie. - I was trying to tell you.
Well, Gina's waiting, so I better...
I was trying to explain it to you before you were...
- Gina! - I was...
- Wow! - I was trying to...
If she wants to make a sad spectacle of herself around town
by hanging out with some guy who's old enough to be her father,
that's her business.
But mocking me by dragging Tucker into it is just embarrassing.
She was obviouslyjust trying to wind you up.
I know for a fact that there is no son.
There were rumors of a daughter with a Swedish princess
or potentially her cousin, but there's zero online chatter of a son.
- Did it look like Tucker Crowe? - No.
God no.
Not entirely.
Fuck.
- I'm going to have a shower. - Shit!
"Tumors the size of an apple or an egg or a pest-boil.
Thus did the plague rage in Avignon for six or eight weeks,
and the breath of the sick, who expectorated blood..."
- I'm not sure about this. - Come on.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
Are you enjoying it?
"It was not till towards the close of the plague
that they ventured to open, by incision, these hard and dry boils.
When matter flowed from them..."
I think that's enough.
- What are boils? - It's a type of pimple...
Hey, buddy, don't worry about boils, okay?
Out by the couch we got a wet bag with some seashells in it,
and then we get the paints and we'll paint them.
- Sound good? - Fine.
I'm so sorry.
I really don't have anything, like, fun for kids in the house.
You're great with him.
What about just having one by yourself?
I wouldn't know where to start.
I think you could figure out where to start.
Yeah. Mr. Family Planner.
Yeah, you probably shouldn't take advice from me.
Can I ask you, what's the deal with Grace?
What do you mean?
Why does her name bother you and the others don't?
It doesn't bother me.
I... I've never even met her.
How's that possible?
Well, there's something there.
- You're ducking the question. - No, no, no, I'm not.
There's someone behind you, out the window.
Oh, my God.
Would you like to come in?
Yes, please.
Hello again.
Hey, there.
There is a possibility that maybe I owe you an apology.
Well, when will you know for sure?
It occurs to me that there's no reason
for you to claim that you are... he
if you were not... he.
- Well, that's a start. - It's just...
- I can't be certain, you know? - Well, I have a passport.
Well, that would be super.
Okay, um...
America.
Really?
Yes, well, all of this seems to be in order.
- Oh, thank God. - Duncan...
That sounded... that sounded a little officious.
Why don't you come and join us for dinner?
- Yeah, man. Join us. - Hang out.
Yeah. Yeah. I'd like that.
- Great. - Yeah.
So, for instance, I'm developing a course
on 1970's independent American cinema, and the novels of Nathanael West.
The Day of the Locust, Miss Lonelyhearts. I love that.
That's right. Yeah.
So, what brings you to England, young man?
- My sister had a baby. - Oh!
Well, congratulations, Unc.
- Any other sisters or brothers? - Duncan.
- It's fine. It's fine. - What?
- It's okay. Go. - Three.
Or do I have four? I have four, right?
They don't live with me. They have different moms.
And not one of them is a member of the Swedish royal family.
Yeah, no. I was...
I was skeptical about that particular theory.
Well, the exhibition's coming along nicely.
- That's great. - Yeah.
- You nervous? - A little bit.
I'm sure Annie's told you,
but I am a great admirer of your work, so...
- Cool. - Opening's Tuesday night.
- You're all invited. - I don't think that I would be
overstating the case to suggest that I am something of a world expert.
A world expert?
I've read your stuff. It's...
Okay. Wow.
You can tell me where I've gone wrong.
I wouldn't know where to start.
I understand why you'd say that,
but I do actually know quite a lot about you.
Really? Wow. Okay.
- Okay, let me think of something. - Oh.
You know what? You don't have to give an example...
I know, for example, that on the chorus of "Lies You Breathe",
that entire chorus was lifted
from an answering machine message left for Julie
by her ex-boyfriend, Michael Posey.
I don't remember those lyrics, so I don't know.
It was during your "honeymoon phase" of...
- Fevered kisses and dirty words - You don't have to sing. He's just a fan.
- He's harmless, I promise you. - It's just... Michael Posey?
- How would you...? - Is it still raw?
Is what still raw?
The whole affair. Julie Beatty.
Duncan, just stop. Come on, that's too personal.
- Just a long time ago. - It's too personal.
- Is it? Okay, I'm sorry. - Yeah, that's too far.
- I'm sorry. You're right. - Too far.
I know the whole thing left you shattered.
And I just want you to know that from that death
was born a seminal masterwork.
Oh, God, a masterwork?
I don't use that word lightly, sir.
All right, I was being really nice, okay? But it's clear that you don't know shit.
- I'm sorry. - You have to agree to disagree.
Hey, am a I fan? Guilty as charged.
- Yeah, okay. - Okay, yes.
Am I a little overzealous in my quest for the truth?
Listen, man, if you can't realize that Juliet is a piece of shit...
- Don't say that. - Yeah, it is.
You don't mean that.
You don't have any relationship to the truth.
I'm not the only one who thinks that you are a genius.
- A genius... - Fine.
Maybe my review of your demos wasn't exactly correct,
but that original album, Tucker?
Do you have any idea how much that touches us?
How much that has meant to me my whole life?
- The honesty in your words... - Would you stop!
It's not worth the effort.
It is to me.
I'm going to go. I'm going to...
This feels like a mistake.
Just one final thing.
I think that people like you, people with real talent,
you don't value it because it comes naturally to you.
And we never value things that we...
that come easily.
But I value that album more than maybe anything I've ever heard.
Not because it's perfect, but because of what it means to me.
Ultimately, I don't give a shit what it means to you.
Art isn't for the artist
no more than water is for the bloody plumber.
But thank you.
I really, really enjoyed it.
Last time I played a show I didn't even finish it.
I was at this club called The Pit,
and in between sets I went to the bathroom.
And then my ex walks in the door.
Julie.
She's holding this baby.
And I...
and I acted all confused,
as if, after we broke up, a million people hadn't called
and told me that she was pregnant, you know?
As if her brother hadn't cursed me out the day the child was born.
But she... she held out this little girl
and said, you know, "Don't you even want to look at her?"
- Grace? - Yeah.
Grace.
And I looked at her.
And then Julie said something,
you know, that I didn't hear.
Like, she said... she said something to me about the baby bottle,
or she forgot her bag or something.
I thought that she was abandoning the child with me.
You know? And I just panicked.
And I wanted to follow after her, but I...
I didn't think that I could walk out of this club with this baby, you know?
There's all these people out there.
So, I...
I... I set Grace down.
And then I walked out.
I went into the parking lot,
and I could hear everybody calling for me, but I...
I didn't... didn't go back.
And then I couldn't play any of those songs anymore, you know?
After that, I just...
I couldn't play these insipid, self-pitying songs
about Julie breaking my heart, you know? They were a joke.
And before I know it, a couple of decades have gone by
and some doctor hands me... hands me Jackson.
I hold him, you know, and I look at him.
And I know that this boy... is my last chance.
That's a lot of pressure for one little guy.
All the rest of them hate me so much.
- They don't hate you. - Yeah, they do.
- They're mad at you.
They're angry. There's a difference.
Do you know what I would do for a couple of angry kids?
- Uh, is this Grace? - Speaking.
This is Tucker Crowe.
Okay.
And this is regarding...?
Well, I think Lizzie tracked you down, right?
Who?
My other daughter, Lizzie.
Listen, I'm at... I'm at work. Is there a reason for this call?
I'm sorry, did you not get a call from a person named Lizzie?
I did.
Oh.
Listen, I'm sorry for calling you out of the blue, but...
Look, as I said to her, I have a father already.
Oh. Okay. Yeah, right. No, I understand.
It's just, when you say that, do you mean...
do you mean biologically, or...?
I'm not sure of the distinction you're making.
Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Right.
Whatever it is you're trying to work out, good luck.
But it's just not going to involve me.
Yes.
Absolutely. I understand.
Thank you.
This exhibit was Mayor Barton's idea.
Yeah, my concept, yeah.
And I donated the Stones poster.
- Wow. - But only Bill Wyman signed it.
The others refused. Mick and Keith walked straight past me.
Bloody musicians.
- Yeah, bloody musicians. - They were probably stoned.
Tucker's actually a bloody musician.
- I'm retired. - He's actually quite a big deal.
- In small circles. - Have I heard of you?
- Tucker Crowe. - Tucker Crowe?
- You have heard of him? - No. Never.
But nonetheless, it's an honor to meet you.
What are you drinking, Tucker Crowe? I'll get you one.
- Don't worry, I'm fine. A glass of water. - No, no, no.
I'm not getting a famous American rock star a glass of water.
- Red or white? - Look, I'm not that famous, okay?
- And I'm an alcoholic. - Well, you'll fit right in.
I bet you'd love a beer, wouldn't you?
I bet you'd murder a cold beer. I'll get you one.
- I'm going to get you a water. - Appreciate it.
No, no, no, this is incredible.
- Annie, can I borrow you for a second? - Yeah. Are you okay?
Mm-hmm.
Hey, Annie.
Edna, I want you to meet Annie.
And Annie, I want you to meet Edna.
Oh, my goodness, is that really you?
- Yes, that's me. - Wow, I love this photo so much.
- That's wild. - That's my sister, Kathleen.
- She's passed on now. Yeah. - Sorry.
And the two fellas, we'd met them earlier on in the summer.
There's George. Mm.
He was a fast worker. He wanted a bit of fun.
I wish I did too, but I fought him off.
I thought, Edna, you can never go wrong not doing something.
It's things that you do that get you into trouble.
Here I am, 84 years old,
I've never been in trouble in my whole bloody life.
Goddamn it.
Oh, well.
It's a lovely exhibition.
Thanks.
Tucker, I was... Oh, don't worry.
- It's silly. - What is it? What?
I was wondering if you would be... if you'd be interested?
What do you mean...?
I'm sorry. In me.
In you? In you? What... how?
Oh, I mean, I suppose...
sexually.
What do you mean? Like, here?
- Like right now? - Oh, no, no. I meant...
In the future, later.
What? Yes, definitely. I'm extremely interested.
Great, because I just wanted to broach the subject with you...
I mean, for the record,
I would have probably been a little more assertive.
My confidence has taken a hit, you know, with the heart.
- Like, I'm not exactly sure... - I don't want to be presumptuous,
but I did look up that side of things on the Internet.
- You did? - Yeah.
What did it say?
Do you get breathless going up the stairs?
- Not at all. - I think the thing is,
is I have to do most of the work.
Oh, that's the way I've always done it.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a break
from the prerecorded portion of our musical journey back to 1964.
Fortunately, we have with us today
one of the most famous American recording artists from that era.
He's come to Sandcliff especially to visit our exhibition,
and he's an alcoholic.
- Join the club, mate. - I'm so sorry.
- I didn't put him up to this. - A very great honor.
Terry, this is really... Tucker's not playing tonight.
Well, you see, the jukebox has conked out.
Terry, this is not what Tucker's here for.
It's a great, great honor
to introduce the multiple Grammy Award-winning...
No, he's not...
...member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Tucker Crew!
Tucker Crowe, actually.
I am so sorry.
You don't have to do this, by the way.
I didn't put him up to it. I'm so sorry.
Is this on?
Uh...
Wow.
Yeah.
For those that care, I haven't won any Grammys
and I'm not in the Hall of Fame, but I'll accept the...
I was in Waterloo Station the other day with a friend of mine,
and it made me think of a song I love.
Hey, I didn't write it, but I wish that I did.
Wow, I'm nervous.
Daddy? Daddy?
Daddy?
Buddy, come on. Time for bed.
I threw up on the couch.
Okay, hold... hold on. Hold on.
Oh, no.
- Oh, you poor little thing. - Okay, okay, what is it?
Oh, jeez. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go. Let's go.
I'm so sorry, bud. What happened?
- Why don't you just...? - Are you okay?
- Here you are. - Thanks.
A clever cup of tea, as my Dad would to say.
Nice.
Why is it clever?
Because it can cure anything.
If you got a headache, it goes straight to your head.
If you got a stomachache, goes straight to your stomach.
What if you have a heart attack?
Goes straight to your heart.
When are we going home?
Soon.
Can I call Mom?
You don't even think it's worth a try?
It's not like that, it's... I really want to.
You're breaking my heart.
- What were we even doing? - We're just getting started.
Jackson has to be with his mother.
- And you have to be with Jackson. - Yeah, I know, I know.
It's been a wonderful fantasy, until you talk about your leaving here
and everything's going to go back to the way it was
before you were here, except shittier.
The best episode I think is 155.
- Mm-hmm? - Goku. Vegeta.
It's a really good show.
- Is it a cartoon? - Yeah.
Me and my dad watch it all the time.
I don't watch it that much.
- What happened? - Zak split.
He freaked out.
Oh, sweetheart. Come here.
I'm so sorry.
That didn't take long, did it.
Fucking musicians.
Give me this little guy.
- He's pretty handsome. - Yeah.
Look at the little hands.
- Hey, Lizzie. - Hi, Annie.
Congratulations.
Oh, my goodness, he's gorgeous.
Thanks.
Do you want to come in for a while?
No, I'm okay. I'm going to head off.
But thanks.
Bye, Annie.
You forgot your bag. And your turtle.
Bye.
- I'm going to leave you to it. - Are you sure?
Thanks for coming... Granddad.
Good morning!
She's over there. That one there.
I don't see her.
The one with the cute hair. Over there.
- See the one with the... - I don't...
The one there.
- Oh, right. Of course. - Yeah.
- How could I miss her? - She's cute, isn't she?
- Maybe don't stare. - Sorry. She's really cute.
Can you believe she asked me out?
It's actually amazing, isn't it?
- She's... - 100% confirmed, yeah.
She's a gold star, if you know what I mean.
I don't know what you mean.
- I know. - Hey, Ros.
- Oh, hi, Duncan. - Hey.
What a nice surprise.
Annie, listen to what they're playing.
Daddy loved this one. Do you remember?
Do you mind if I sit down?
I heard about the job in Bristol. Excited about it?
I decided I'm not going to go, actually.
- What? It's a proper university, finally. - Yeah...
I've decided that... I want to have kids.
- Oh. - With you.
- Duncan... - I want lots of them.
You can't be serious, you don't even like children.
- You think they're boring. - Well, I've never met my own.
I bet they'll be far more interesting than other people's.
- We broke up for a reason. - A stupid reason.
Come on, a stupid reason. A silly reason. Bad reason.
You slept with somebody else
because she had the correct response to an album.
Which was stupid. This is exactly what I'm saying.
This was silly.
I've been pushing my ridiculous shit on you for years.
You like what you like. It's very important to you.
That makes you who you are. It's okay.
I can be someone else.
You sure this doesn't have something to do
with your idol coming along and fancying me a little bit?
No, God! That's hurtful.
Maybe a bit, maybe a bit.
Okay, I don't know.
He opened my eyes.
But now my opened eyes are looking at you.
I want you to be happy.
I am ready for us to be grownups together.
Isn't that what you want?
I don't want that anymore. I don't.
I'm sorry. I don't.
Dear Tucker...
I did receive your emails.
Congratulations on getting your own place.
I'm so sorry that I haven't replied sooner.
I've just... I've been dealing with some really big life decisions.
I moved to London,
where I'm house-sitting for a friend of a friend,
and I landed a job at a cool, little gallery.
Somehow, the world just suddenly feels alive with possibility.
I've also been seriously considering having a baby on my own.
Last week, I finally gathered the nerve
to go to a clinic and actually start the process.
It's mental, right?
Anyway, nothing's for certain,
but whatever happens I feel I'll be all right.
I can't believe Lizzie's boy is already a year old.
She must be thrilled you're coming to visit.
If you'd like to steal away for a cup of coffee,
it'd be great to see you and catch up.
I'd actually love that.
Hello.
Apologies for my prolonged absence.
I have been working through the news at hand
and formulating an opinion
with the care and judiciousness I believe the moment calls for.
I'm speaking, of course, of the fact that Tucker has a new album.
It's called So Where Was I?
It's his first release of new material in 25 years.
What is my verdict?
Well, to quote another critic,
"What is this shite?"
We have a song about the pleasures of reading in the afternoon.
We have a song about homegrown green beans.
There's a little ditty expounding the joys of being a stepfather.
I mean, in short, we have a tragedy.
And there's a drum machine.
There's a drum machine on a Tucker Crowe album.
I mean, what the fuck?
You may ask, as I did,
what caused Tucker to produce this cloying, bloodless, catastrophe?
Well, reportedly, Tucker has found love.
And I am here to tell you, my friends, it doesn't suit him.
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