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CASS:Listen closely.
I've got less than a minute to tell you what you need to know.
Put your phones away and pay attention.
Or you could end up as someone's dinner.
All of this is classified.
Well, I guess it was, until now.
Isolated cases of a zombie virus
started popping up around the country.
Yup. Zombies.
A small covert agency was formed to quietly contain it...
By any means necessary.
Literally.
I was recruited, along with others like me,
because of our...
I guess you could say, special skills.
More on me later.
We still don't know much about the virus,
or how it started.
All we do know is
it turns people into zombie freaks who eat all of your organs.
Even the nasty, ugly ones.
Ew. Yuck.
And for all of you who can't keep it in your pants,
use protection.
Because it's transmitted through sex.
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)
(STRAINS)
Damn! You're sexy.
I can't believe I'm hooking up with the hottest girl in school.
I'm all yours, Jake Stephens.
What do you want to do to me?
I really wanna eat you.
(CHUCKLES)
Touchdown.
(MOANING)
Wait! Are you biting me?
Sorry. Am I doing this wrong?
(GROWLS)
JAKE:I wish I could say this was the most disturbing thing
to happen to me today.
But it isn't even close.
Don't stop now.
You were about to get to second base with your pillow.
JAKE:Nope. That isn't it either.
What are you doing in my room?
(STOMACH RUMBLES)
KELLY: Gross.
Need your morning medicine?
(INHALES) You want a hit?
You're a great role model.
-(KNOCK ON DOOR) -(MAN CLEARS THROAT)
Hi, Daddy.
I was helping Jake get up.
MR. STEPHENS: Thank you, sweetheart.
You know that career aptitude test you took this week?
Yeah, Adam made his sheet look like a vagina.
MR. STEPHENS: His parents must be proud.
Well, the results came in.
JAKE: How'd I do?
You failed.
Failed a career test?
You're the first person in the history of the test to do it.
And you thought Adam's parents were proud.
I'm serious, Jake.
It's not just the test.
The vice principal said you show no interest
or appear to be engaged in anything.
That's not true.
I have interests.
Like what?
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
You know that's not what eating her out means, right?
Yeah.
I don't think you do.
Poor dream Amanda.
As if hooking up with you wasn't bad enough.
What are you guys talking about?
How Jake can't even dream about nailing Amanda without fucking it up.
I could.
JAKE: What the hell does she see in Chazz Slade?
I mean, you only don't like him 'cause
he's always shoving your head in the toilet. (SNICKERS)
Yeah, obviously that's why I don't like him.
CHAZZ: Hey!
What the fuck are you staring at?
Me? I wasn't staring. Me and my friends were just...
Just trying to get my locker to...
It never opens.
Get to it and stop eye fucking my girl.
I'm not your girl anymore.
Your locker, huh?
Hey, you know I, uh...
I really dug your speech in class this morning.
The only time I said anything
was when I asked to go see the nurse
because my stomach hurt.
That's the one. I, um...
My stomach's been hurting, too,
so it really spoke to me.
How's this for a speech?
Let him go!
-(STOMACH RUMBLES LOUDLY) -Ugh!
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
Nice chatting with you, Chazz. See you in class.
Thanks for bailing on me.
Check out Fernandez.
He cut holes in his pocket so he can jerk off in class.
Kid's a fucking genius.
Good morning, students.
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
Today in class we're gonna be watching a movie.
Superbad.
ALL: Yeah!
MR. DIPIETRO: No, no.
We're gonna watch a film on the dangers of unsafe sex.
(STUDENTS GROAN)
BOY: We're gonna see some titties? MR. DIPIETRO: Now, come on.
This is mandated by the U.S. government
for every grade level.
So it's my civic duty to insist
that you all pay attention.
Try to learn something.
(STUDENTS GROAN)
I'm so not in the mood to watch this.
Why not?
(GASPS)
You went bareback with that punker chick from Landmines the other night.
Shh, shh, shh.
(UNDER BREATH) Oh, no!
I poured Listerine on my junk when I got home.
It kills all the germs.
Right?
How does that feel?
Mr. DeCarlo.
You have something you wanna share with the rest of the class?
Jake does.
Why don't you tell everyone the story about
stuffing your unwrapped hotdog in that girl's dirty buns?
(STUDENTS EXCLAIM)
Okay, okay. Come on, come on. Grow up.
After this film, there's gonna be a pop quiz
on why that joke's not funny.
-(PROJECTOR WHIRRING) -Okay?
Keep your thinking caps on.
Dude, not cool.
-You really think I got something from her? -(ADAM) Shh. Pay attention.
NARRATOR: Meet your average teenage boy.
BOY:That band sucked. Am I right?
GIRL:I'm drunk
and bored.
NARRATOR: He thinks he's going to get lucky.
But there's a price to pay for a few seconds of pleasure.
This is the story of...
Jake's mistake.
Of course his name is Jake.
JAKE:What was in that weed I smoked this morning?
NARRATOR:Jake's just met a sexual wildcat on the prowl.
We'll call her Mazzy.
Have you got a condom?
Mazzy says she doesn't believe in condoms.
And Jake doesn't believe in saying no to anyone willing to have sex with him.
Sure it feels good now.
Really good.
So good.
But I bet Jake won't feel so good the next day
when he looks down his pants and sees this.
(ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST)
Don't be like Jake.
(CHUCKLING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(JAKE GROANS)
What the fuck's wrong with him?
Oh, he's convinced that Mazzy girl from STD University gave him AIDS.
What were you supposed to do? Not have sex with her?
Was that an option?
I'd be more worried about knocking her up.
At least pregnancy is an easy fix.
I mean, anyone that let Jake nail her has probably got
a "buy two and get one free" punch card at the abortion clinic.
Oh, fuck. Here comes Head-Cam Harold.
Have you seen Mr. Robot?
She's missing.
What's with all the missing dogs lately?
Have you seen Mr. Robot? She's missing.
It's called Itty Bitty Twitty.
It's like Twitter's adorbs little baby.
But instead of 140 characters,
you only get 20.
Cuts out all the boring small talk.
What do you think, Amanda?
You want to be on the Itty Bitty Twitty Committee?
That's the worst idea I've ever heard.
People don't use Twitter for small talk.
They use it for, like, important statements and stuff.
A simple no would have been fine.
I'm sorry.
I haven't been feeling well.
I can tell.
You look terrible.
Think those two ever hook up?
Of course.
Why else would you join the cheerleaders, right?
You know, that shit doesn't happen in real life.
Right?
Wanna bet?
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(EXCLAIMING)
(GIRL SCREAMING)
JAKE:I'd love to say this was another dream or hallucination,
but this was really happening.
And if Amanda Blake was doing it,
who was I to say no?
ADAM : Come on, come on, we got to get out of here!
JAKE:And that's when it happened.
Dude, what's wrong with your face?
(GROWLING)
(STUDENTS SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
JAKE:For the record,
this is the most disturbing thing that happened today.
(SNARLING)
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING STOPS)
(LIGHT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
(HOVERBOARD WHIRRING)
(SCREAMING)
CASS:Hello again.
You've seen a couple of teenagers eat a bunch of people
and make a big, bloody mess.
Finally, it's my time to enter the picture.
Remember the whole secret government agency thing?
Well, here we go.
Hmm. Meatloaf. Gross.
Must be weird to be back in high school.
Hmm. Mine had way fewer corpses.
Tom's my partner.
He acts super serious all the time,
because he thinks we're saving humanity.
I guess we kind of are.
TOM : Reevaluating hunting necrotics as your career choice.
I mean, the government gave me a choice.
This or jury duty.
So I went with hunting necros.
We like to call zombies necrotics,
because it makes us sound smarter.
Highest body count we've ever had.
Hey, is that an honor student,
or an eggplant parmesan in a crew neck?
Quit being morbid and get a handle on this, all right?
He's not always such a Debbie Downer.
Hey, we kinda look like twins, don't we?
TOM : The resemblance is uncanny.
Think she got a video?
Make our job easier.
Let's see.
(PHONE UNLOCKS)
Yeah.
Looks like we're doing it the old-fashioned way.
CINDY:What's her fucking problem?
Itty Bitty Twitty is a great idea.
Better than Gone Pom, her pompom tracking app.
Who am I kidding?
That idea was awesome.
She's awesome.
Oh, my God. Is she trying to kiss me?
I... didn't know Amanda was...
(FLESH CRUNCHING)
(GIRL SCREAMING)
(STUDENTS SCREAMING)
There were two of them.
At least we know why he was so hungry.
Yeah, we should put out an APB to every 7-Eleven and taco truck in the area.
JAKE:Sorry, Adam.
-Funny, tasty son of a bitch. -(SCREAMING)
"Funny, tasty son of a bitch."
TOM : What was that?
Uh, nothing. Uh, I made a connection.
Hopefully they're still together.
They can be easier to track.
Let's go kill some necros.
CASS:I can't really explain it,
but I didn't get the typical necro vibe from Jake.
Maybe it's because he was my age, or...
Or maybe I was getting a psychic high from his vaporizer.
But, look, whatever it was,
he felt less like a monster,
and more like someone I might have been friends with in high school.
Too bad he had to die.
AMANDA: Jake.
Jake!
Jake! Wake up!
JAKE: (GROANS) Holy shit.
Am I dreaming again?
What the fuck!
What happened?
You don't remember?
I remember you kissing Cindy Flemming.
You guys like a couple now, or...
I wasn't kissing her.
Okay, I think I passed out.
'Cause I had this really freaky dream.
It wasn't a dream.
We ate our friends.
Look, there's no way we ate our friends.
(STUTTERS) That just doesn't happen.
Then how do you explain the fact that we're both covered in blood?
Hmm?
Or that dead guy over there?
Do you need more proof?
Kinda.
(AMANDA SIGHS)
This was on the ground next to you.
(STUDENTS SCREAMING ON VIDEO)
You probably could have led with this.
We're fucking zombies.
-What? -Mmm-hmm.
The only person that believes in zombies is my crazy brother.
And he also believes that aliens sank the Titanic.
Whoa. So the alien spaceship made of ice or something? Or how...
Okay, fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine.
Then how would you explain it?
I don't know.
(SIRENS WAILING)
We need to get out of here.
Where are we going?
We're covered in blood right next to a dead guy!
That's a good point.
AMANDA: Ugh!
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
I didn't know you took auto shop.
My dad taught me this.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
This is kind of a mom car.
Can we steal a sports car or something?
We need to go, now.
All right, fine. But I'm driving.
(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)
CASS: Well, this shouldn't be too hard.
He doesn't seem all that smart.
Kinda goofy actually.
You know that kid in school, always made jokes, never gave a shit?
Hey!
I'm sorry. I know. Rule one, never humanize the target.
JAKE: What's that?
It's a stick shift, you idiot!
(ENGINE STALLS)
He just ate. So his heart's beating again.
He'll get hungry again soon.
Then he won't seem so fucking human.
Should we call for backup?
(TIRES SQUEAL)
After their all-you-can-eat lunchroom orgy?
I'm not taking any chances.
(BOTH GROANING)
Whoa, whoa, Officer. Don't shoot.
(JAKE GROANS)
I said don't shoot, asshole.
No wonder nobody likes cops.
(GROWLS)
-(HORN BLARING) -(SNARLS)
(SNARLING)
(CASS WHIMPERS)
Ow!
Ah!
-You all right? -(GROANS IN PAIN)
TOM : Whoa!
Ow!
(DISTORTED VOICE) You okay?
CASS:Why isn't he eating my spleen right now?
Uh... Yeah.
You?
It's bad, huh?
Uh, um...
There.
No one will notice.
That's right. I'm fixing the hoodie of a flesh-eating cannibal.
But he asked if I was okay.
Boys who are alive never ask if I'm okay.
Put your eye back in your head and get in the goddamn car.
Come on!
We're here to help you.
TOM : How does it look?
Not bionic,
but fine otherwise.
-You? -Don't worry about me.
We need to shut this down fast.
I heard they're sending Alastaire.
In training we called him Creepy Mr. Bowtie.
Don't ever let him hear you say that.
Still no luck tracking them?
No, the force is no longer strong with Darth Vaper.
I lost the connection and there was nothing at the parking lot.
And no idea who helped them?
Not a clue.
He, um... He talked to me.
Who did?
The boy necro.
I mean, this is the first time I've ever been so close to one.
He even kind of smiled.
Probably because he saw his dinner.
What the hell you thinking?
You know what they're capable of.
I'm sorry, I...
Come on. We got a full night of Incident Management.
Incident Management?
Why don't they just call it what it is?
Brainwashing.
Oh, you think they'd prefer to remember?
(ANIMALS CHITTERING)
You look amazing.
I mean, you're... You're healed.
Like, two eyes and everything.
You, too.
Motherfucker, I'm Wolverine!
He's one of the X-Men. He has healing powers.
I know who Wolverine is.
I had a huge crush on him in Les Mis.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe we're not zombies.
Maybe we're some superheroes.
Superheroes don't eat their friends.
(SIGHS) Do you remember how we got here?
Yeah. I think a couple of lesbians brought us.
How do you know they were lesbians?
One of them was carrying a wrench.
You're an idiot.
Either of you fucking noobs try anything shady,
I will not hesitate to put an arrow through your brain.
And believe me, you won't get up from that.
I'm Summer and this is Grace.
Uh...
Oh, good. You found the clothing I left you.
Um, and these should fit you.
Thanks.
I am so sorry for the way everything was handled.
But thankfully we got to you before it was too late.
I think it's a sign that the universe is protecting you.
Or we heard about the attack on our scanner
and found you before the NCD finished the job.
NCD?
The Necrotic Control Division.
They hunt down people like us.
Anyone infected with the zombie virus.
So it's true?
We're zombies?
-We all are. -Yes!
AMANDA: It's caused by a virus?
How did I get it? Nobody bit me.
It's transmitted through sex.
-So you can thank him. -I wish.
Is your boyfriend retarded?
He's not my boyfriend.
I got it from somebody else.
You corrected her on that, but you didn't correct her about the retarded part.
We're not zombies now.
What makes us freak out and eat people?
Anything that gets your adrenaline going.
Hunger and fear are the usual triggers.
Among other things.
(WHISPERS) Wrench.
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
So eating people makes it go away?
Not away, more like into remission.
Well, if it's a virus, there's got to be a cure.
Right?
JAKE: So that's it?
It just comes and goes like herpes of the undead?
That's one way of putting it.
SUMMER: You're both welcome to stay here for the night.
We have TV, blankets and pillows,
and help yourself to more rodents if you feel yourself starting to turn.
It's not the same as eating people,
but it will keep you from changing for a while.
Thank you.
SUMMER: See you in the morning.
-You're lucky. -I feel lucky.
Okay, can we take a minute to acknowledge the fact
that I was right about the zombies and the lesbians?
Congratulations.
Are you happy now?
No.
(GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING)
(WATER RUNNING)
TOM : Right this way.
When can I go home?
Soon.
We just need to talk to you about what happened today.
GIRL: Okay.
But it all happened so fast.
CASS:You probably think that going into people's minds
is an invasion of privacy or something.
But 99% of what I see
these kids have already posted on Instagram.
The surface thoughts are the easiest.
GIRL: Why is this weird girl staring at me?(ECHOES)
Why is she dressed like she's in a Miss Hot Janitor Contest?
CASS:And typically the most useless.
Luckily, the attack just happened,
so the memory shouldn't be buried too deep.
The next step is to manipulate her memory.
(STUDENTS SCREAMING)
A zombie outbreak would cause mass panic.
But...
a school shooting?
Very sadly, just another mundane America.
REPORTER ON TV: Another high school shooting occurred this month...
JAKE: That's bullshit.
They used my junior high picture?
Amanda Blake, frustrated popular girl,
and her secret unpopular boy toy Jacob Stephens,
hatched a plan to get revenge on a school
that never took them seriously.
Guns bought on the Internet,
a cold-blooded killing spree,
a cowardly escape.
I am not that unpopular, all right?
I have friends.
Or had friends.
And you, my boy toy?
Oh, now they've really gone too far.
According to authorities, the two suspects are now in custody.
Wait, why do they want people to think they caught us?
The people chasing us weren't trying to catch us.
They were trying to kill us.
I don't think that girl was.
What girl?
The one who looked like a cuter Ripley from Aliens.
Anyway, this reeks of a cover-up.
My brother was right.
MR. STEPHENS:It's horrible.
I can't believe my son was involved.
Thanks, Dad.
He's just not smart enough to plan something like this.
Or anything.
Thanks, Dad.
You know, I think maybe you're a little bit smarter
than what your dad gives you credit for.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Not fair.
I always thought you were funny.
You thought about me?
We've gone to school together for four years.
I can't help but think about you from time to time.
So, um, what do you think?
That you were funny.
I literally just told you that.
I know you've been through a lot,
but I just need to ask you a few questions.
I understand you were dating Amanda Blake.
I am dating her.
Do you have a problem with that?
Were you aware of her relationship with Jake Stephens?
There's no way she was fucking that geek.
CASS:I didn't know Amanda,
but this jersey with a head
seemed more her type than Jake.
Shit. Why am I thinking about Jake?
Focus, Cass.
Okay, Chazz, what brilliant thoughts have you got for me?
CHAZZ:This guy better stop lying about Amanda,
(DISTORTED)or I'll eat him!
-(GROWLING) -Tom, look out!
(TOM SCREAMS)
CASS: Stop!
(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING)
(TOM BREATHES HEAVILY)
Well, that was new.
Tom?
No, Tom is getting patched up. He's gonna be fine.
Hello, Cassandra.
Do you remember me?
CASS:Creepy Mr. Bowtie.
-Yes, sir. -Please, call me Alastaire.
It was very impressive what you did back there.
You've come a long way since your training.
I don't even know what I did.
Oh, it feels like someone drove an ice pick through my skull.
Don't worry, it gets easier.
You know, most telepaths take years
to develop cogno manipulative skills.
To do what you did with a necrotic at your age...
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
You've got a very bright future ahead of you at NCD.
-Is Chazz dead? -No.
Thanks to you, he's preserved for study.
Do you know where the other two necrotics are?
Since you're the one who made the connection,
you're the only one who can track them down.
Think you can handle that?
Yes, sir. I just need something that belonged to them.
I've got one of his books.
-Now? -Mmm-hmm.
You know, this should gross me out,
but it looks delicious.
I know what you mean.
Like, I know you're holding a rat right now,
but all I see is a nacho with a tail.
Wouldn't picturing a gummy rat make more sense?
Eh, never liked those.
Made me feel like I was eating a rat.
(AMANDA CHUCKLES)
(RAT SQUEALING)
Its squeals for help are, kind of, killing my appetite.
JAKE: Hmm.
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHUCKLES)
♪ Seeing red Here we go again
♪ Up in your face Breaking plates
♪ In the zone again
♪ A little heat Yeah, that's how I like it
♪ Push and pull Punching holes
♪ Now, the fire's lit
♪ It's a twisted game
♪ But I love it I love it
♪ It... It's so insane
♪ Yet I love it ♪
Whoa!
Um, I couldn't find them.
I don't think he ever used this.
I see.
Let's try tomorrow.
Perhaps we'll find something that's more important to him.
Meanwhile, you rest up.
(ALASTAIRE WHISTLING)
(SIGHS)
AMANDA: Oh, that's so sweet.
(JAKE YAWNING)
SUMMER: Morning, sleepy head.
Summer was just about to tell me
how she and Grace met.
We met right by the Iowa border.
Ah. The potato state. How romantic.
That's Idaho, dumbass.
We had heard there were people like us in Iowa.
There were even rumors of a cure.
It was all bullshit.
Not all.
There was no cure, but there were zombies.
Only they weren't nice like us.
My brother's always been convinced
that Iowa was full of zombies.
It was awful. Death everywhere,
zombie gangs killing each other
when NCD agents weren't killing them.
We were lucky to get out with our lives.
I made Grace promise that would never happen to us.
Since then, we've tried to live under the radar.
You know, just keeping to ourselves,
eating animals for as long as we can.
Until the hunger gets too strong.
And then what?
(SUMMER CHUCKLES)
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
GRACE: Meet Franklin.
Rapist and pedophile.
You got a picture of the kid?
What was he doing?
Something you may have trouble with for a while.
Never mind. It's all dead ends here.
All right, I gotta let Alastaire know.
He won't be happy.
How's the arm?
Still attached to my shoulder, thanks to you.
I am so sorry.
I should have noticed the signs of necrotization earlier.
-I... -I'm not complaining.
You saved my life, Cass. Thank you.
Now, don't stop on my account.
Keep looking.
At least my family thinks I'm doing something important.
His family thinks he's a monster.
Yeah, he ate his best friend's stomach.
Most necro minds are like a cold, dark freezer,
but Jake's is, like, bathing in a warm fountain of melted cheese.
You're on a first-name basis with the target now?
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
It's Alastaire.
He says he's sending a car to pick you up.
He has something that'll help you find the kid.
Okay.
Word of advice, don't lie to him again.
Do you trust him?
He wants to save the world
from being eaten by necros.
Imagine what'll happen if he fails.
(FRANKLIN WHIMPERS)
Everything looks very nice.
It's just like Thanksgiving.
Thank you.
Just because we're zombies
doesn't mean we can't be civilized.
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
Uh, I think he's trying to say something.
You have made a mistake.
I volunteer at the homeless shelter.
I deliver pills to the elderly.
Huh. Then, uh...
what is this for?
Wait, wait, wait. That's your proof he's a pedophile?
I mean, that just makes him lame.
Ooh, that's not good!
Candy.
That's just stuff. I haven't done anything!
That's what you told the principal
at North Valley Middle School.
Hell yes!
They couldn't prove shit!
We heard. But here's the thing,
we believe those kids.
Okay, you got me!
I can't help myself! I'm sick!
-We're sick, too. -And hungry.
So, this one is good for scraping the meat out from under the ribs.
And this one is great if you want to get
to those hard-to-reach places under the jaw.
Use this if you wanna pop a spleen.
What? Let me go!
I know people in the police...
That's why we don't take out the gags.
-(MUFFLED SHOUTING) -(SIGHS) All right.
Grace!
Napkin!
We're not animals.
Should we say something before we dig in?
Nice idea.
Thank you, O' Lord, for this bountiful blessing you've placed before us.
Screw it! Let's eat!
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
-Dick's all yours. -Thank you?
Um, are you scared?
I'm starving!
You wanted to see me?
Please remember to stay behind the yellow line.
(CASS SHRIEKS)
Chazz?
ALASTAIRE: I have to thank you again
for capturing him alive.
I was beginning to run out of test subjects.
Test subjects for what?
Something I've been working on for quite some time.
I call it The Pavlov.
(GROWLS)
Chazz, kneel.
You see, Cass, we've been able to turn around
this atrocity of a situation to our advantage.
As destructive as necrotics are,
they are still basically just like animals.
Like any animal, they can be trained.
(CHAZZ SIGHS)
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
The Pavlov gives Chazz a good behavior reward,
so he begins to bond with me.
His mutating DNA develops an affinity for mine.
And then, once he's trained, he can be used
to fight each other or, well, whatever we want.
Why would you do that?
The necrotics, they are a lost cause.
But think of a defense force or even a labor force
that is completely beholden to us.
The Stephens boy doesn't have to die.
He can be yours to do with as you please.
All you have to do is just tell me where he is.
I already told you I don't know where he is.
That's too bad.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
I'm sorry I have to do this,
but I'm here to save lives.
Have you met Jake's sister, Kelly?
What's she doing here?
Everything is going to be fine.
But I have to caution you to please stay behind the yellow line.
-(GROWLS) -(SCREAMS)
(HIGH-PITCHED WHINING)
She doesn't know anything!
ALASTAIRE: But you do!
Are you going to tell me or...
(GROWLING)
Help me!
Jake Stephens and the girl are at a house
eighty miles outside Governor's Crossing on Route 64.
The truth.
Excellent.
Kneel.
Good Chazz.
Good Cass.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(SPITS)
(AMANDA BELCHES)
(SUMMER MOANING)
They're, uh, getting pretty into it.
A little too into it.
I wonder what's for dessert.
I'm not sure I wanna stay and find out.
-What, you wanna leave? -You don't?
We're safe here. I mean, there's free food, free TV.
I think I saw an old Nintendo 64 downstairs.
Jake, the NCD will never stop looking for us.
(SIGHS) We need to find my brother in Illinois.
Why? Thought you said he was crazy.
My definition of crazy has changed in the last 24 hours.
He knew about zombies in Iowa.
If there's a cure, maybe he'll know about that, too.
Grace said the cure was bullshit.
Just because they didn't find one
doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Haven't you ever seen a zombie movie?
The cure never exists.
Fine. Stay here.
Maybe we're not as good a team as I thought.
Wait, we're a team?
CASS: "Targets are now an asset
"better preserved than eliminated."
He's turning them into necro slaves, you know.
"Only terminate if under threat of mortal danger."
I'll go along with that part.
CASS:Jake had two futures,
end up dead, or worse, be some kind of zombie pet.
I didn't have much time.
Amanda Blake wants to go on a road trip with you,
and you said no. Are you insane?
Government agents are out there trying to kill you
and you want to leave. Are you insane?
All right, come on, Jake,
make a decision about something.
Run!
Let's get this over with.
Are they in there?
Move out!
I consider myself in mortal danger.
(GROWLING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
We're supposed to take them alive.
That look like an asset to you?
House is clear.
My team will secure the necrotic.
Where are the other two?
They must have escaped.
AMANDA: Weird to think that whoever owned this car a week ago
became a midnight snack for a pair of lesbian zombies
-in a country kitchen. -(BOTH LAUGH)
What did they put in the care package?
Uh, some more clothes,
blankets,
uh, of course the snacks,
and a map of people to eat.
Who knew the sexual offender registry could be so useful?
No kidding.
There's more sex offenders than McDonald's.
It's like Yelp for zombies.
(CHUCKLES)
I'm glad you decided to come with me.
Well, uh, you made some good points.
And when I was in the house, I could have sworn
I saw that cute government girl,
like, warning me to leave.
The Ripley chick?
I mean, it was probably just my imagination,
but it scared the crap out of me.
So, I didn't get you to leave, she did.
It was a team effort.
Want some advice?
Girls don't usually like it
when you fantasize about other girls.
I'm sorry.
Want to hear all the fantasies I've had about you?
No, thanks.
Are there a lot?
More than I care to admit.
I promise you that they were all very tasteful.
Too bad.
At least now we know who helped them.
You want to explain what happened here?
Mmm. Creepy Mr. Bowtie wanted two necros,
we found two necros. Just different ones.
I'm not handing over Jake so Alastaire can turn him into a zombie pet.
All right, maybe I agree with you about the pet thing,
but it's still our job to contain these monsters.
Stop calling him a monster.
Did you ever think maybe we're just hunting sick people?
Yes.
But it makes you so sick that you would rip
someone's daughter to shreds right in front of them.
I can still hear her sweet little girl voice.
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Daddy, why is this man eating me?
CASS:Jeez, Tom, stop being such a pussy.
I'm sorry about Kimberly, but...
But Jake wouldn't do that.
Really? 'Cause there's a bunch of kids from his high school
who would disagree if they could.
ANNOUNCER: (ON RADIO) More strange and dark details
emerging from eastern New Jersey tonight,
at the home of Dick Cheney High School senior Chazz Slade,
where the mutilated bodies of his family
have just been discovered.
That wasn't us, right?
Nope. Chazz is a zombie.
I thought he was just an asshole.
Oh, yeah, he is.
I knew that asshole was cheating on me.
And here's the proof. He gave me the virus.
I'm a fucking zombie because of Chazz.
You sure?
I mean, he was already top contender
for most likely to murder his family.
He's the only guy I've ever been with.
(SCOFFS)
But you're Amanda Blake.
Every guy in school wants to bone you.
So, I must have let them?
No, no. I mean, no.
I'm just, like, why Chazz?
You're not gonna get this,
but it was like it was expected.
You've seen him. It was high school.
It's not like I'm looking to get married.
(SCOFFS SOFTLY)
You think I'm superficial.
No.
Hey.
If the captain of the cheerleaders asked me out,
I'd jump at the chance.
You know I'm talking about you, right?
Yes, I'm aware I'm the captain of the cheerleaders.
Or was the captain, anyway.
What about you? How did you catch the virus?
You're not gonna get this, but...
Chazz.
(LAUGHS)
I'm serious. Who was it?
Terry Adams?
The girl that sniffs her hands? Come on.
Give me a little credit.
Fine.
Then who?
You won't know her. She was from out of town.
Normally, I'd call someone a virgin if they told me that.
But here we are. (CHUCKLES)
Zombie Jake, ladies' man.
(AMANDA SIGHS SOFTLY) I'm getting hungry.
You want something to eat?
I'll never say no to a road rat.
(SQUEAKING)
I don't think we have enough rats to get us to Kyle's.
Well, that's what Grace's map is for.
Here, take a look.
Yeah, but I don't think I'm cut out
to be some sort of zombie vigilante.
That sounds awesome.
Amanda, we're gonna have to eat someone.
You know, and isn't it better to be munching on these creeps
than getting all bitey around some, I don't know,
doctor about to cure cancer?
I don't think I can make those choices.
My dad used to run a stolen car chop shop.
Would he be on Grace's list?
Well, what if we only eat the worst of the worst?
Jake, we're talking about eating people.
We are the worst of the worst.
Yeah, but we can't help that.
You know, at least with this map,
it gives us a little bit of control.
I guess.
If we just ate whoever we could end up eating.
A fireman about to save a baby.
Or a rescue worker in Haiti.
We're nowhere near Haiti.
Whatever. Look, let's make a deal.
How about we won't eat anyone
unless we both agree?
-We're not zombie vigilantes. -Fine.
Zombie bounty hunters.
We'll decide the name later.
("SHE DOES" BY LOCKSLEY PLAYING)
♪ Wow!
♪ Come on!
♪ Come on, honey You know what you do, yeah
♪ Everybody knows One or two like you, yeah
♪ If you wanna fall in love Or just mess around
♪ Sure enough, honey Couldn't bring me down
♪ Nobody does it like she does
♪ I can't seem to Get away from you, girl
♪ And everything That you say I do, girl
♪ Nobody does it Like she does...
(GROWLING)
Maybe we should stop for the night.
Stop where? There's nothing out here.
That's kind of the point.
We're all over the news.
If anyone were to see us, they'd call the cops,
or worse, the NCD.
I found this in the clown's apartment.
(CHUCKLES)
Wanna see if zombies can get high?
I love you. I mean, yes.
CASS:Okay, maybe Tom's daughter
was eaten alive at soccer practice,
but that wasn't Jake.
(SIGHS)God, who are you kidding?
Everybody else can see it, so just admit it.
You like him.
Wait, does that make me a necrophiliac?
And I'm pretty sure if Jake knew me before all of this,
he would've liked me, too.
I wonder what he's doing right now.
(JAKE INHALING DEEPLY)
If I told you last week
that we were gonna turn into cannibal zombies,
what would you have thought?
(CHUCKLING) I would have thought,
"Holy shit. Amanda Blake is talking to me."
-I talk to you. -I know.
And every time I thought, "Holy shit. Amanda Blake is talking to me."
Isn't it weird to think that things will never be normal again?
I mean, it's Friday night.
I was supposed to be cheering at the game,
and then hit an after-party,
instead I'm here eating rats with Jake Stephens.
Strangest date ever.
This is a date? Damn.
Wish I had known. I would have worn my fancy red hoodie
with a big eyeball and "hype" written across the front.
What would you be doing if you hadn't turned into a zombie?
Honestly, this and video games.
Sad thing is, I was kind of looking forward to it.
So, let's play a game.
How about fuck, marry, kill?
Hmm. For us, it has to be fuck, marry, eat.
Works for me.
-Give me three names. -Okay.
Mr. Dipietro, Chazz,
and my friend Adam.
Marry Mr. Dipietro, because he's scared of girls,
and he wouldn't touch me.
Eat Chazz because he's the reason I eat people now.
And I guess fuck your friend.
I don't like this game.
Too bad. Your turn.
Uh, Mr. Dipietro, lunch lady Linda,
and that little NCD slut.
Yeah, marry Mr. Dipietro because it's probably
the only way I'll pass his class at this point.
Fuck lunch lady Linda, 'cause free fries
and eat the NCD chick.
Good answer.
(SIGHS)
(BREATHS DEEPLY)
Do you know how long I've wanted to do this?
What the fuck?
CASS:I think I just made Jake puke on Amanda.
For the record, that was the most
disturbing thing I'd seen all week.
I swear that has never happened to me.
Stop apologizing.
Can we not talk about it in, like, ever again?
Can you hand me something to eat?
There's no more.
(SCOFFS)
(STOMACH RUMBLES)
Oh, I'm starting to get the zombie munchies, too.
Check the map. I need to eat a rapist now.
Uh...
Oh, there's not really much around here. Uh...
"Miss Sophia, a Spanish teacher
"who blew a 17-year-old boy."
Does Miss Sophia need to die?
I mean, the kid kinda looks happy, too.
(HORN HONKING)
Hello? Come on. What the fuck?
-(CONTINUES HONKING) -What about this douchebag?
-Him? -Yeah.
-What did he do? -He's on our ass.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
He's texting.
And he's pissing me off.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
-(BOTH SNARL) -(SCREAMS)
(HORN HONKS)
No, Jonathan, no. Why didn't you call me?
(SCREAMS) My God.
He looks like he's been turned inside out!
No!
(WOMAN SOBBING)
Promise me he can't become one of Alastaire's pets.
Okay, I'll find him.
JAKE: You sure your brother won't call the cops
when we show up at his door?
AMANDA: Kyle hates all authority
and government figures.
He thinks they framed our dad.
JAKE: So, he believes in zombies
and hates all government.
Sounds awesome.
Kyle. It's me. Amanda.
KYLE: Prove it. What does your first boyfriend call you?
Handy Mandy.
(LOCK OPENING)
Jake Stephens.
The second shooter, the unpopular boy toy.
-Oh, really? -It's a lie.
-We didn't shoot anybody? -I know.
The news said they had you in custody,
but they never showed you arrested.
What really happened?
I knew it.
You knew we were zombies?
Well, at first, I thought you found out
that your vice principal was selling
special-needs students as sex slaves
and he had you eliminated.
Zombies was my second guess.
I've know about the epidemic for a while now.
Do you know if there's a cure?
One of my contacts sent me this
a while back.
(BUZZING)
This is Grandfather,
in what might be my last transmission.
As of now, I'm trapped in Des Moines
where the necrotics are growing restless.
They've become organized
and it's just a matter of time
before they do something...
unfortunate.
But most importantly,
I've done what you said was impossible, Alastaire.
I found a cure.
(BEEPS)
-How far is Iowa? -We'll leave first thing in the morning.
Kyle, you don't have to come with us.
I've been waiting for the right sign to get me out of here.
Never thought it'd be you.
CASS: We're getting close.
TOM : You're doing the right thing.
They can't stop
even if they want to.
Still, Jake's gonna die because of me.
Jake is already dead.
Turn here.
I think my brother's afraid of me.
Kyle? No way.
He locked his bedroom door
and he put his dresser right in front of it.
He probably does that every night.
Probably.
Hey.
We're gonna stick to the plan.
Your plan.
We came to see if your brother knew about a cure
and he did.
Now you and me are going to find it.
Thanks, Jake.
I don't know how I could eat
all those people without you.
JAKE: Don't say anything, dude.
You'll only mess it up.
Just look at her and smile.
You can sleep next to me if you want.
JAKE:Thanks, brain, I should listen to you more often.
So, what's the first thing
you're gonna do after you're cured?
Shower
and go to a spa
to get the most aggressive mani-pedi
known to man.
Anything to get the gunk out from under my nails.
That's so deep.
I'm not finished.
Then I'm going to make it my mission
to change how the world views zombies.
I'm going to tell everyone about the virus
-and expose the bastards... -Mmm.
...that are trying to hide it.
All right, so, first, spa day,
then zombie activist.
And I'm never eating meat again.
Hardcore vegan all the way.
What about you?
I'm gonna find the best vegan restaurant in the world
and then I'm gonna take you out to dinner.
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) -After you shower,
but before your Equality For Zombies campaign.
(SIGHS)
What if Grace is right
and the cure is bullshit?
We could be going to Iowa for no reason.
Then we'd just be like every other person that's going to Iowa.
I'm more worried that the cure is real
and you won't have to hang out with me anymore.
I don't have to hang out with you now.
I want to.
So, we'll still hang out post zombie?
We're a team.
You're not gonna puke on me again, are you?
Only if you want me to.
(CHUCKLES)
(AMANDA BREATHING HEAVILY)
ALASTAIRE: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
-Wait. -(GROANS)
There you go.
Good Chazz.
That won't happen to Jake.
Just make sure they're inside.
You're so fucking hot,
I've wanted this for so long.
Please stop talking.
They won't see you coming.
Not unless you're between Amanda's legs.
ALASTAIRE: Thomas, stand down.
Watch the future.
(SNARLING)
(BOTH MOAN)
-(CREAKING) -What was that?
My friends high-fiving in heaven?
I'll check in a minute, maybe less.
(DOOR THUDS)
Come on!
AMANDA: Chazz?
Oh, my God, you psycho stalker.
(GROWLS)
(JAKE SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
That's for dunking my head in the toilet, Chazz.
That's for cheating on me with some zombie slut
and turning me into a zombie.
What the hell is happening? Is it an alien invasion?
Wait!
Oh, right, zombies.
He didn't come here alone.
(CHAZZ GROANS SOFTLY)
The NCD is outside.
KYLE: They'll never get in.
I've been preparing for this my whole life.
I've got guns, bombs, provisions.
Everything we need to withstand a siege.
We could last for years in here.
-(GUNSHOT) -(GROANS)
Kyle!
We need to get him help.
How? We can't get out.
Chazz, you big dumb fuck.
You're finally going to do something useful.
(DOOR LOCK CLICKING)
(SNARLS)
ALASTAIRE: Stop.
That's the wrong one.
Go. Go get him. Up.
Shit, it's a diversion.
-(AMANDA GRUNTS) -CASS: Tom,
don't... don't shoot him.
Please.
What the fuck, Cass?
Have you completely lost it?
There's gotta be another way.
-I... -(GROWLS)
-(SCREAMS) -(GROWLS)
(TOM GROANS)
Tom?
(GRUNTS)
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) -(GROANS) Run. Jake, go!
No.
(AMANDA PANTING AND GROWLING)
You bitch.
You're fucking awful.
You're blind! Your brother's afraid of you.
and God that was a stupid idea!
And you don't deserve Jake! (SCREAMS)
(STRAINING AND GRUNTING)
(GROWLING)
Cassandra.
What's gonna happen to him?
(SIGHS) Incident Management protocol.
We don't need any more unnecessary casualties.
You mean like Tom?
I am sorry.
Your partner was a good soldier.
As we move forward on our new mission,
that won't happen again.
Count me out. I found your zombie.
She's tied up in a bow. I quit.
I only see one prisoner.
I assume you know how to count to two.
-You let him go. You find him yourself. -Cass.
No one quits the NCD.
ALASTAIRE: I'm losing patience.
Tell me where the boy is or I'll just rip it out
out of your little brain,
and if that happens,
things will get very,
very ugly.
CASS: Okay, you want to play?
I'm not afraid of you.
I'm stronger than you.
That's why you need me.
Really misjudged that one, Cass.
(GROANING)
ALASTAIRE: You don't think I'd ever really let you go.
(CASS CONTINUES GROANING)
(SCREAMS IN PAIN)
(OWL HOOTING)
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Jake, what are you doing?
Amanda needs you.
Don't worry, Amanda.
-We're gonna get to Iowa. We're gonna get cured. -(GRUNTS)
Jake?
You're okay.
You...
You're the NCD girl,
the one that's been hunting us.
Well, not anymore. Now they're hunting me, too.
Have you seen the girl I was with?
-Yeah, she's back in the house. -Thanks.
Wait. Hey.
Jake?
Amanda's not in here
and neither is Kyle.
Did the NCD take them?
What are they gonna do to them?
Well, they'll erase Kyle's memory.
He won't remember what happened.
-And Amanda, did they... -No, she's alive.
-They're not killing necro... -(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
Your kind anymore.
Okay, so, what are they doing to us?
You don't want to know.
-I gotta find her. -You won't be able to.
Well, then I'll let myself get captured.
Either way I-I gotta save her.
Wait.
I might be able to find her.
How?
The same way I found you.
I'm psychic.
I can get inside her mind and track her. I'll just
need something that she touched recently.
Will this work?
-Really? -Well, what, you have to, like, rub it
or sniff it or something?
-Or, like... -No, ew.
Do you even know what a psychic is?
Will it work?
It'll work.
JAKE: So, you can read minds.
What am I thinking right now?
This Ripley chick may be cute,
but she's crazy as fuck.
Holy shit. That's awesome.
You think I'm cute?
So, how did you become a psychic?
Is it like a... Like, a Hogwarts or something?
No, they gave me this career aptitude test in school
and the next day government agents
-showed up on my door. -(SIGHS)
I took that test.
Oh, yeah? Did it say you were a zombie?
I mean, it said I was a brain-dead idiot
who wasn't gonna do anything with his life,
so, yeah, I guess, it did.
Well, then the test was wrong.
Since I've met you, you've been in a car chase,
you had a couple of shoot-outs,
you saved a girl.
I haven't saved her yet.
Well, I... I wasn't talking about her.
You made my life sound like a movie.
Well, you're like a superhero
or a zombie vigilante.
Right?
Try telling that to Amanda.
God, she has no idea.
CASS: She's in there.
JAKE: You saw that just from a bra?
Thought it was magical before.
No, it's not her bra. It's my special skills.
I don't know about this.
Just do what I told you.
I'm here with a new recruit.
Right away, sir.
JAKE: That was some serious Jedi mind trick shit.
That dude had no idea we were the droids he was looking for.
What is this place?
I think it's where they do experiments.
Well, where's Amanda?
In there.
(SNARLS)
-Grace? -(GROWLING)
So much for not turning into an animal, huh?
Too soon?
AMANDA: Jake.
-My God, Jake. -Hey.
Couldn't let them break the team up, could I?
AMANDA: What is she doing here?
JAKE: She's how I found you.
She's how they found us in the first place.
Okay, so, she's batting 500.
Can we argue about this later please?
'Cause right now, I...
If that worked, we'd all be out of here.
Can you find something to pick the lock with?
(GRACE GROWLING)
Will this work?
I was thinking one of those.
Um, love birds, we need to go.
Shit.
How quickly can you pick those locks?
(HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMING)
Get in there. It's out of control.
ALASTAIRE: Cassandra!
-(CHAZZ SNARLING) -How nice of you
to deliver Mr. Stephens to me.
AMANDA: Jeez, Chazz.
Didn't we kick your ass already?
You're not taking them, freak.
We're both freaks.
You know why they give that aptitude test, don't you?
So, they can find psychics like you and me.
Long before they hunted necros,
there was us.
Well, psychics don't hurt people.
At least I don't.
Oh, but they're scared of you.
Now, when the necros are gone,
who do you think they're going to hunt then?
-Jeez, and you thought I don't shut up. -That's why
we must use the necros, that's why we must stick together.
CASS:Use the necros. Thanks for the tip.
(SCREAMS)
ALASTAIRE: No, Chazz!
-CASS: Go, go, go. Move. -(ALASTAIRE SCREAMING)
ALASTAIRE: Chazz, no. No.
Thank for, you know, saving us.
It was teamwork.
Ripley is not coming with us.
Why not? I mean, we need her.
Oh, you think I look like Ripley, too.
She going to help us find the cure
with her awesome psychic powers.
I don't think a cure exists.
Otherwise I would have heard about it.
Well, there's some grandpa dude in Iowa
who disagrees, so, hopefully you're wrong.
I don't want her help.
Eh, you're lucky I'm willing to help
after what you did to my partner.
Fuck that guy. He shot me.
CASS: Well, maybe you had it coming.
Well, maybe you've got it coming.
Are you threatening me?
Girls, girls, you're both pretty.
Let's just agree to disagree.
Forget it.
I'll find the cure myself.
Hey, hey, come on. Iowa's a big place.
We're gonna need all the help we can get.
Come on. For me?
We're a team, right?
She better not get in my way when I'm hungry.
You know, she's gonna eat me first chance she gets.
No, she won't. We vote on it.
CASS:I finally felt like I was back in high school,
on a road trip with kids my own age.
How are you doing back there?
Oh, I'm great. Thanks.
Even if one of them wanted to eat me.
Would there be a cure. Who knows?
But if so, I could save Jake
and take down the NCD.
JAKE:My life finally had direction.
Even if it was taking me to Iowa.
Would there be a cure? Who cares?
At least I was heading there with two hot chicks.
I mean, women.
-(THUD) -(TIRES SCREECH)
Came out of nowhere.
Do you think she's dead?
God, I hope not.
-You hungry? -Please don't eat her.
You don't get to vote.
Mazzy?
Well, hello, Jake.
BOTH : You know her?
Kind of. I mean, she's the...
one that turned me into a zombie.
So, you slept with her?
JAKE:Check, please.
("BETTER FIND OUT" BY TOGETHER PANGEA PLAYING)
♪ Yeah!
♪ Calling all girls And calling all boys you know
♪ Gimme a break
♪ I got lot on my mind And I've soul
♪ If you wanna know You will find out
♪ If you wanna know You will find out for yourself
♪ A couple of days A couple of states
♪ A new home
♪ Yeah ,way back home Where the summer goes as we go
♪ If you wanna know You will find out
♪ If you wanna know You will find out for yourself
♪ Calling all girls And calling all boys you know
♪ I've been down for a while Yeah, it's real, baby
♪ Down, I know
♪ And please, baby! Please, baby!
♪ Please, baby, I don't know
♪ And please, baby! Please, baby!
♪ Please, baby, I don't know
♪ If you wanna know You will find out
♪ If you wanna know
♪ You will find out For yourself ♪
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)