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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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[Thiago] I'm so happy to be recording this
for Netflix, everyone. So happy.
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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You know what I've been thinking
since we signed the contract?
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I wish I was a fly
to be able to see my ex's face.
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-Man...
-[laughter]
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What wouldn't I give.
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She can block me on Instagram,
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she can block me on WhatsApp,
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she can block me on Facebook.
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But on Netflix...
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[laughter]
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No, she can't. I wish--
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[cheering and applause]
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I wish I was a fly, really.
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To see her face when she opens Netflix
and I'm on her Top Picks For You.
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[laughter]
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Holding my dick. Is it allowed?
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The other day,
some chick sent me a DM on Instagram,
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"Afonso, I'm a big fan of your work."
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"Thanks a lot."
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"I really am."
I was like, "I had already believed you."
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"I like your work, I like you,
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but I won't lie-- I'm not poor."
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It was so odd.
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It's very rare for non-poor people
to dig my work.
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"I'm not broke, but I would love
to go see Alma de Pobre."
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"Please do."
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She said, "I have a question.
If I go, will I have fun?"
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I was like, "Of course."
She said, "Even if I'm not broke?"
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I wanted her money, so I said,
"Of course you will."
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[laughter]
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She asked, "But will I have
as much fun as broke people?"
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I was like, "No...
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No one has as much fun as broke people."
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You know what I'm saying.
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You're clapping for no reason.
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It's true.
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Tickets went for 80 bucks?
They're gonna laugh 80 bucks.
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Every penny will be treated
as the last they'll ever make.
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If he doesn't laugh the whole 80 bucks,
he'll be mad, "I only laughed 53 bucks!"
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"I paid 80 and got 53. Fuck that."
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Don't mind my hands.
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My fans go home like this.
"I only laughed 53--
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[laughter]
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No, I paid--
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Can you believe it? I paid 80--
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[applause]
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And only got 53, goddammit."
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I made that joke in Manaus
and they were like, "I only laughed--"
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[laughter]
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They liked it. They said--
[imitates Indians]
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My fans are generally broke, I know.
People who follow my work, I mean.
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It's so good to see
how affectionate people get.
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You're pretty much in the dark.
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Then you get recognized
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and you get a glimpse of how much
that person likes you,
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even if you don't physically touch
or know each other.
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It's really cool.
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Sometimes I'm walking down the street--
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Wherever I am.
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People roll down the car window.
They mean business.
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And it's always like this,
'cause my fans are broke.
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It's never an Evoque whirring like--
[imitates window whirring]
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It's never a BMW.
[imitates window whirring]
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Never. It's always some dude--
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It's never like, "Hello, Afonso.
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Afonso Padilha, is that right?
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I fancy your work, young man.
Not only yours,
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but also your friends'--
Thiago, Marcio, Dihh--
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I rather fancy the four of you
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and appreciate what you've been doing
for the scene.
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Keep doing what you do.
I follow you on YouTube, Instagram...
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and Facebook.
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I like it and I hope you keep on going.
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I'll continue to be a fan.
Cheers to you and to your mother."
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[imitates window whirring]
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It's never like that. It's like,
"Yo, fucktard, where did your dad go?"
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[laughter]
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It's always--
No, it's always someone rude.
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[cheering and applause]
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It's always someone very rude.
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The other day some dude in a Civic
rolled down his window and shouted,
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"Hey, I know you got
your butthole licked!"
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[laughter]
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I was downtown,
a whole crowd of people stared at me.
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And I couldn't say anything,
'cause it had been licked.
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[laughter]
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I was like, "You got me!"
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"Keep doing it!"
"Sure, I'll let them lick it!"
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"Peace out!"
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On he went to crank his stiff window up.
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Have you ever had a car like this?
You start to shake.
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Window goes down okay
but rolls up all jiggly.
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[laughter]
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Have you ever had a car--
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You lend your car to a friend,
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he opens the window, you're like, "No!"
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[laughter]
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You need two people to shut the window.
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One handling the crank,
the other pushing it up.
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[laughter]
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You can't get any more broke than this.
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Ever had a car like that?
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At the toll booth,
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you just open the door
and pay from up here.
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The person inside
gives you a judgmental look,
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like you wanted to drive that beater.
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[laughter]
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The windshield wipers don't even move,
they just drone--
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[imitates wipers droning]
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"Fuck it, I'll clean it myself."
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You get a little squeegee
and start wiping it.
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Your shotgun is like,
"I think you gotta replace the rubber."
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Oh, really? You don't say!
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Have you had a car like that?
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It's so old the seatbelt doesn't retract.
You gotta pull it by hand.
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[laughter]
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Fuck that. You tell your passenger,
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"Wrap it around your neck,
we're gonna die anyway."
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Have you had a car like that?
The interior handle is busted
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so you roll down the window
to open the door. That's--
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You feel like you're being
a gentleman to yourself.
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"Let me get the door for you."
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[laughter]
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Have you had a car like that?
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Anyway, it's so nice to be recognized
thanks to my work,
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even though I know
I'm more anonymous than I'm famous.
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Because we live in bubbles.
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We're only known
by a limited number of people.
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Back in the day, famous people
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were actually famous.
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The TV was the only medium there was,
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so in order to be famous
you had to be on Globo.
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You had to be on SBT,
you had to be on Record.
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Never mind, no one on Record is famous.
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Unless you're a demon or a pastor.
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Sometimes both are the same person--
Pr. Valdomiro. So--
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[laughter]
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It's like a religious amusement park.
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Don't you think it's kind of ironic
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how Valdomiro offers healing
while he limps?
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He's like, "Brother, I'll heal you!"
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I'll tell you, it's so great.
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We're living a very happy moment.
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I live with Thiago Ventura,
we have a comedy group,
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and we've been traveling around Brazil.
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This year, we sold out every show we did.
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We've been doing comedy for ten years,
and it was empty for nine, everyone.
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This year, people have shown up.
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And I'll tell you,
it's so much more fun when you do.
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Much more fun.
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And look, we discuss a lot
to remain grounded
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and understand it's ephemeral.
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We know that in two years' time
other comedians will be on the rise,
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and we'll continue doing stand-up.
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But there's nothing better
as a comedian, as an artist,
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to step on a stage and see this, everyone.
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There's nothing better
and more rewarding--
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Really, no demagogy.
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[applause]
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There's nothing nicer,
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I mean it, than stepping on a stage,
seeing this and thinking,
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"Holy shit,
look at how much money I'm making."
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[laughter]
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Some are like,
"Oh, Afonso, is it all about the money?"
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[laughter]
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Just kidding, of course it's not.
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It's also about free food and chicks.
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Just kidding.
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I like to-- You know why
I like to make that joke?
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Because there are two kinds
of broke people.
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There's the cool guy who's like,
"Son of a bitch!
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You making real money?
Gimme a motorbike then!"
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And then there's the salty guy who's like,
"I didn't like that joke."
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Sometimes we do this, we are this person.
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Don't be salty. Being broke is bad enough.
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Being a salty broke person is disgusting.
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Sometimes, we--
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Without noticing,
we act like real bastards.
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For instance-- every one's been there.
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When a woman friend, a cousin,
a girl that is close to you
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starts to make more money,
to get home a bit later,
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meets new people,
makes a new circle of friends,
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posts travel photos on Instagram,
fresh clothes.
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You never think, "She's working hard.
She got a promotion.
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She's showing up and proving
that women are as good as men,"
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and of course they are.
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The first thing you'll say is,
"Did she become a whore?"
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[laughter]
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And chances are she didn't.
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But who knows!
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I wouldn't blame her.
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We gotta support poor people,
side with them.
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When the poor makes money, it's money.
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The rich call it "more."
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The poor call it "money."
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Ever seen those stories
on rich people that lost it all
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and killed themselves out of frustration?
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When poor people who had nothing
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earn a lot of money and lose it all,
they're like, "Oh, well..."
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[laughter]
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"Bought some cars, fucked some hoes,
had a tough break.
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They said frozen yogurt was profitable,
so I invested."
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It's real money for the poor.
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When someone broke wins the lottery,
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they think
they'll never have to work again.
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They get that money and think,
"Holy shit, I'm never gonna work again."
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Fast-forward three years,
he's an Uber driver.
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[laughter]
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Because the poor call it "money."
The rich call it "more."
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It's just more money.
When rich people find cash,
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they pull it out of their pocket like,
"Oh, hi, Benjamin."
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Ever seen a broke guy finding cash?
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Some of them are itching right now.
"Damn..."
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00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:45,102
They're reaching into their pockets like,
"You never know..."
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When a broke guy finds cash
in his pocket, he's like, "Bruh!"
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[laughter]
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Outta nowhere, Lord? Thou puttest...
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this little gift--
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I am not worthy, O Lord,
of so many blessings.
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Aleluia!
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[laughter]
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I'm not-- Oh!
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Look.
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[applause]
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Thank you. Thank you, Lord."
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He pulls it out: two bucks.
He's like, "Fuck yeah!"
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[laughter]
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He had nothing,
now he's two bucks less broke.
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And the poorer you are,
the more you value your money.
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You know a person used to be poor
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not when they buy a car or a house,
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00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:32,942
but when they start to make money
and the first thing they say is,
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"Hell, I'm not going to skimp on food!"
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[laughter]
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Guy used to never have food.
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Then he's like,
"I want it with four mixtures!"
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If you know what mixture is,
congrats, you're broke as fuck.
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If you understand it,
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this show is for you.
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Rich people in the house, a "mixture"--
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00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,559
How can I put this...
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-Everything that's not rice or beans...
-[audience] It's mixture.
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All the broke people upfront...
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The poorer you are,
the more you value money you make.
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I know it 'cause I was raised--
248
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:21,699
My mom raised us by herself
on 400 bucks a month.
249
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,492
Three kids on 400 bucks.
250
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,412
We were so broke
that poor people would pity us.
251
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:27,621
[laughter]
252
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:30,541
We were the paradigm,
"We can't fail as bad as them!"
253
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,004
I'd ask my mom--
254
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,923
I was raised hearing stuff
only very poor people hear.
255
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:41,218
"I'm so broke I can't afford
to shit in a bus station toilet."
256
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,344
[laughter]
257
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,388
I hate that one.
258
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,474
"A bus station public toilet."
259
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,893
We rarely went out at all,
it makes no sense.
260
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:53,981
"Mom, can I have it?"
"I can't pull money out of my ass."
261
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:58,527
Until I was 13, I used to think
my mother paid everything with her ass.
262
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:02,823
"Debit or credit?"
"My mom's ass. Shove it.
263
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,951
The tits upfront
and the ass in installments.
264
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:09,330
It's her 'assdit' card.
Go ahead and swipe it.
265
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:11,207
She had to bounce real quick,
266
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:14,043
but she's gonna be right back
to bounce on you too.
267
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:15,377
[laughter]
268
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,967
Mom's in the audience like,
"I never paid anything with my ass!
269
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,385
[laughter]
270
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:25,387
I don't mean it literally!"
271
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,815
"Shit in a bus station toilet."
Hate that one.
272
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:40,152
The first money I made
was my first paycheck at age 16.
273
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,946
It was the first money I made.
274
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,990
They asked me,
"What are you going to do with it?"
275
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:48,828
Went straight to the nearest bus station
and took a huge dump.
276
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,913
-[laughter]
-Best feeling ever.
277
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,916
All the diesel smoke.
"This is what being rich feels like."
278
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:59,630
We were so broke, you have no idea.
279
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:01,549
Sometimes I'm talking with Mom
280
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:04,426
and she goes like,
"Oh, I miss the old times."
281
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,262
I want to smack her in the face.
282
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:08,973
You don't know how broke we were.
283
00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:10,683
My young brother lives in Portugal.
284
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:14,520
Big brother lives in Arraial do Cabo,
it's been some time he moved there.
285
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:16,564
He's a fantastic fellow, I love him.
286
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:19,483
He makes wonderful pressure pots
out of soda cans.
287
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:26,866
He makes ashtrays out of beer cans,
you can't even tell it's handicraft.
288
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:29,952
I joke about him because he has
no Internet, he's a hippie.
289
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,120
He'll never see this.
290
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,414
And my little brother is living in Lisbon
291
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:35,082
for four months now.
292
00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:37,960
I bought his ticket
and I'm supporting him.
293
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:41,839
I think that's what you're meant to do
when you're making a bit of money
294
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:44,341
and your brother is getting death threats.
He's--
295
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,509
[laughter]
296
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:50,014
Mom hates that joke.
297
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:52,391
"They'll see it on Netflix
and go after him!"
298
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,602
[laughter]
299
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,812
It's true.
300
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:01,984
He's living there.
301
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:06,322
The day Mom and I dropped him
at the airport,
302
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:07,531
she started to cry.
303
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:10,075
Her son was moving far away,
so I gave her a hug.
304
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,244
I said,
"Mom, relax, it's not a long flight.
305
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,412
She looked at me,
306
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:16,248
"I miss when Jean was a newborn."
307
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,834
Back when he was a newborn,
308
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,420
that's the poorest we ever were.
309
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:25,299
I though we couldn't be any more broke,
but, hey...
310
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,676
My mom was so driven.
311
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:31,889
The broke people's sky
was the limit for that lady.
312
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:34,892
We were really broke.
313
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,685
"I miss when Jean was a newborn."
314
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,438
I got so pissed, I said,
"I'm gonna tell you a story
315
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:40,898
and make you not miss it."
316
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,817
I'll tell you too.
When my brother was one year old--
317
00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:48,364
When he was one year old,
this one time, we ran out of milk.
318
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,532
And by "one time" I mean "often."
319
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:51,992
When I say "one time,"
320
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,370
broke people in the audience are like,
"That's cute."
321
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,540
Poor people compete to be the poorest.
One says, "Oh, one time?"
322
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,293
The other says, "What's milk?"
They're always--
323
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,586
[laughter]
324
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:08,175
But this one time we had run out of milk.
325
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:10,427
My mother had a day job.
326
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:14,223
She always did her best to ensure
we had everything we needed.
327
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,768
I wasn't enough, we often didn't.
But she tried.
328
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:20,229
She'd go to work at 7 am
and come back at midnight.
329
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:22,898
She always worked her ass off,
and she'd leave us chores
330
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,400
so we had things to do.
331
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:29,154
My little brother was one, I was eight,
and my big brother was 15 at the time.
332
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,824
I'd take care of my little brother,
cook and clean,
333
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:35,744
and my big brother was reaching that age
when poor kids leave home
334
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,247
-to smoke weed. So...
-[laughter]
335
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,207
he'd do his thing while I was home.
336
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:44,712
On this day, we had ran out of milk
and my little brother started to cry.
337
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,215
I was losing it
because I didn't know why he was crying.
338
00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:50,843
The more desperate I got,
the more he cried.
339
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:53,554
I figured he must be hungry,
but there was no milk.
340
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,265
As he cried and cried,
I was getting beyond desperate.
341
00:16:56,348 --> 00:17:00,019
Back then, I couldn't call Mom.
because cell phones didn't exist.
342
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:01,854
They actually did,
343
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:04,440
but if it was expensive,
Mom would say it didn't exist.
344
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,275
"Can I have a cookie?"
345
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,527
-"There's no such thing.
-[laughter]
346
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,030
Unless I pull a cookie out of my ass."
347
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:15,325
So, I couldn't call Mom,
but I was getting so desperate
348
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:19,663
that I went ahead
and made him a lemon balm tea.
349
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:20,956
Yeah.
350
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:26,754
Lemon balm, lemon grass-- That weed
that grows on poor people's backyards.
351
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:30,424
And gave it to him without knowing
it's like natural Dramamine.
352
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:35,012
It's not written anywhere,
"Be careful not to overdose kids."
353
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:37,514
Damn, he slept like a rock.
354
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,600
The baby passed the fuck out.
355
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,437
When he woke up, he was eight.
"Goddamn, what have I missed?"
356
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:49,526
He drank it at 9:40 am,
my Mom got home at 12:40 am
357
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:52,112
When she got home,
he was sleeping for over 15 hours.
358
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,281
She picked him up
and he had turned into slime.
359
00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:55,449
[laughter]
360
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:58,160
This was his head. He melted.
361
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,954
Mom said, "You killed him!"
362
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:04,249
I was like, "No!"
She'd shake him and nothing.
363
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:07,086
"Mom, he's not dead."
She'd hit him, "Look, Afonso!
364
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,003
It's broken!"
365
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,464
I said, "Mom, I didn't kill him.
He was hungry."
366
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:12,508
She said, "He died of hunger?"
367
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:17,596
"No, he was hungry,
so I gave him a lemon balm tea."
368
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,848
She was like, "You what?" "Two bottles."
369
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,517
She said, "Are you crazy?"
370
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,019
"He slept just before the third."
371
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,105
[laughter]
372
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,107
I didn't know what to do.
373
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:34,154
And I remember I got her so shocked
374
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,615
that from that day on something changed.
375
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:38,492
Something clicked inside her mind.
376
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:39,743
From that point on,
377
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:43,330
she'd give him lemon balm tea
every chance she got.
378
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:44,665
[laughter]
379
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,459
Kids sleep like a log.
380
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:52,297
Nowadays we're quite well-off,
I'm not gonna lie.
381
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:55,801
We've been poor in the past,
but not anymore.
382
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,095
Nope. Mom has a customized kitchen.
383
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:03,308
That's right. It's the only thing
that was planned in her whole life.
384
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:04,685
[laughter]
385
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:07,521
Dumped by three husbands,
mother of three accidents.
386
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,773
Do you think she planned for anything?
387
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:12,734
Babies would bungee jump out of her cunt.
388
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:17,114
She'd cut the umbilical cord
and resume her chores.
389
00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:18,824
"Golly! One more child."
390
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:23,245
Today, we are doing very well
for ourselves.
391
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:26,165
The other day, we--
Look how far we've come.
392
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,084
We were having breakfast
and I noticed how well-off we are.
393
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,879
I was sipping my coffee
and noticed that our flatware
394
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,756
was not mismatched. Can you believe it?
395
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,717
The same black poly handles.
396
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,178
None of that yellow kind,
all chipped and burnt.
397
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:40,679
[laughter]
398
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:44,683
Some of you look clueless,
some broke people are like, "You made it!"
399
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:45,934
[laughter]
400
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,311
That's it.
401
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,403
Ever seen a poor family's flatware?
402
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,072
Looks like they robbed
a bunch of different homes.
403
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,409
When we visited friends, Mom would say,
"Take a couple of forks."
404
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:03,994
[laughter]
405
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,291
I've only just recently realized
that I made it in life.
406
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:12,961
I said, "We really are rich, Mom."
We hugged, I got so emotional.
407
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,380
I was at my Mom's the other day
408
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,758
and when I opened the oven-- wait for it--
409
00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:21,470
there was no pot full of used oil.
Would you believe it?
410
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:22,679
[laughter]
411
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:25,515
That's getting ahead in life.
French fries on fresh oil!
412
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,809
Want some fries? Bam! Fresh oil.
413
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,687
No such thing as fries that taste
like meat-tasting fish.
414
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,105
Poor people's fries
415
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:35,359
should be called Neapolitan fries.
It's got three flavors.
416
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:38,904
It's trans fries.
Born potato but identifies as beef.
417
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:48,789
I remember when I was little.
I'd say, "Mom,
418
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:51,083
one day I'll make lots of money."
419
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,169
"Afonso, shut up and do the dishes."
"But, Mom...
420
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:58,840
one day I'll make so much money
I'll never do the dishes again."
421
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,176
"Until then,
shut your trap and do the dishes."
422
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,179
"Mom, I'll make money
and we won't be poor anymore."
423
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,515
"Afonso, pay attention to your mother.
424
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:10,018
No matter how much money you make,
you'll always be poor."
425
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,688
"How so?" "Afonso, hear me out.
426
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,148
If you've ever really been poor..."
427
00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:18,944
-[audience] "You remain poor at heart."
-Poor motherfuckers can't help it.
428
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:22,114
One hundred percent
of the times I did this show,
429
00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:25,242
they can't help but say it.
430
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,702
It's unbelievable.
431
00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:30,080
Sometimes you don't want to,
but it's stronger than you.
432
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:33,292
"If you've ever really been poor,
you remain--"
433
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,044
It's like we have to throw it up.
434
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,880
Once, I began to say it
and a mute guy in the corner--
435
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,841
[mumbles] "You remain poor at heart!"
436
00:21:40,924 --> 00:21:42,259
[laughter]
437
00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:46,888
I worked a miracle.
438
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,265
[laughter]
439
00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:51,518
"If you've ever really--"
440
00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:54,896
I never understood this saying, everyone,
441
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:58,275
until last January, at 30 years of age.
442
00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:01,028
"If you've ever been poor,
you remain poor at heart."
443
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:04,239
In January, I went to New York
to visit Times Square.
444
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,783
-Best moment of my life.
-[cheering and applause]
445
00:22:06,867 --> 00:22:10,203
Thanks. I'm the one who owe you applause,
because you sponsored it.
446
00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:13,915
The first movie
I saw in the theater, everyone,
447
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:17,044
was Tobey Maguire's Spider Man.
It's the best one, from 2001.
448
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:21,173
In 2001, I went to watch
the best Spider Man movie ever made.
449
00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:24,134
When I got there, as a young kid,
450
00:22:24,217 --> 00:22:26,553
I was so obsessed. That huge screen--
451
00:22:26,636 --> 00:22:30,015
They shot big scenes in Times Square,
and I kept thinking,
452
00:22:30,098 --> 00:22:31,892
"One day I'll visit this place."
453
00:22:31,975 --> 00:22:34,394
In January,
I went with my brother Thiago Ventura.
454
00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:36,104
One of the best moments of my life.
455
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:39,524
Getting there, it was like 26 °F.
Thiago was shivering.
456
00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:42,486
-Being from Curitiba, I was fine.
-[laughter]
457
00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:45,072
Thiago was so cold. "Bro, I don't know.
458
00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,866
My dick's not here,
it must have got stuck in customs."
459
00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:51,745
I was like, "What?"
He said, "Call me One Inchiago."
460
00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:53,038
[laughter]
461
00:22:53,121 --> 00:22:54,122
It was damn freezing.
462
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,749
He said, "Let's go to our hotel."
463
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:57,417
I said, "Let's go to Times Square."
464
00:22:57,501 --> 00:22:59,419
"But I'll freeze to death!"
465
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:00,921
I said, "No, Thiago.
466
00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:02,756
Let's go to Times Square."
467
00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:04,591
"Alright, bro, whatever."
468
00:23:04,674 --> 00:23:07,928
We went there, and it was
one of the happiest moments of my life.
469
00:23:08,011 --> 00:23:12,808
It was past 3 am when we got there,
it was snowing--
470
00:23:12,891 --> 00:23:15,852
It was a very promising day.
471
00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:18,772
I started to cry with my bro Thiago.
472
00:23:18,855 --> 00:23:23,235
Because that was a dream come true
for my 14-year-old self.
473
00:23:23,318 --> 00:23:26,154
There I was beholding that sight
while hugging Thiago,
474
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:28,115
and the only thing I could think was,
475
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,784
"The electric bill
must be hella expensive."
476
00:23:30,867 --> 00:23:32,285
[laughter]
477
00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:36,206
That's when I saw what Mom meant.
478
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,917
"If you've ever really been poor..."
479
00:23:40,043 --> 00:23:43,088
I hugged Thiago, "Fuck, bro."
480
00:23:43,171 --> 00:23:44,005
"It's insane!"
481
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:46,174
"It must be so expensive!"
482
00:23:46,675 --> 00:23:48,385
He was like, "Damn, you're dumb."
483
00:23:48,468 --> 00:23:50,971
"Why?" "They steal from next door."
484
00:23:51,054 --> 00:23:52,431
[laughter]
485
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:55,767
Always hang out
with someone poorer than you.
486
00:23:56,726 --> 00:24:00,230
Then I understood
why you remain poor at heart.
487
00:24:00,313 --> 00:24:02,190
No matter how much money you make,
488
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:05,610
If you've ever really been poor,
you remain poor at heart.
489
00:24:05,694 --> 00:24:08,196
Poverty is not a plot, it's the details.
490
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,449
Poverty is not macro, it's micro.
491
00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:13,743
Poor people are just like rich people,
but poor.
492
00:24:15,036 --> 00:24:18,957
It's true. You see poverty in the details.
493
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:20,542
That's where you see it.
494
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,878
Take a "regular" person,
495
00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:24,963
send them to the moon and back.
496
00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:28,925
In the interview after they land back--
"So, what was it like?"
497
00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:32,220
They'll say, "It was one
of the best feelings I've ever had,
498
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:33,472
if not the best,
499
00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:36,224
and I'm never going to experience
anything like it.
500
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:39,978
From up there,
I could see how little we actually are
501
00:24:40,061 --> 00:24:43,106
in this ever-expanding universe.
We're just passing through.
502
00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:45,692
Every time I catch myself complaining--
503
00:24:45,775 --> 00:24:47,903
I should be thankful
for being here at all.
504
00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:51,114
When I leave this world,
the world will keep on going.
505
00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:54,951
So, I should be just thankful
and do my absolute best
506
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:57,370
to leave my mark."
507
00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:01,374
That's a regular person.
Now, send a poor person up and down.
508
00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:05,253
When they're back, they'll be like,
"It ain't worth it."
509
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,339
[laughter]
510
00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:11,092
[applause]
511
00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:17,724
"What do you mean?"
512
00:25:17,807 --> 00:25:20,143
"It's just too much fuel."
513
00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:21,186
[laughter]
514
00:25:23,104 --> 00:25:25,148
It's not a plot, it's the details.
515
00:25:25,232 --> 00:25:26,942
No matter how much money you make,
516
00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:29,903
the poor will remain poor at heart.
517
00:25:29,986 --> 00:25:32,697
You'll always have a poor person's soul.
518
00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:36,368
There will always be a sleeping Wesley
down here.
519
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:39,496
A Míriam--
Míriam is such a poor girl's name.
520
00:25:39,579 --> 00:25:42,374
Poor and religious.
Míriams are born religious.
521
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:47,546
They come out ready to preach,
with their long skirts and mason husbands.
522
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:48,797
[laughter]
523
00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:53,009
That's the Míriam kit, what can I do?
They come like this by default.
524
00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:58,557
Some people are remembering...
525
00:25:59,849 --> 00:26:01,977
"Fuck, Míriam is a fervent Christian!"
526
00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,856
It's not a plot, it's the details.
527
00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:08,483
Have you seen The Exorcist?
528
00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:10,777
That child is not the devil.
529
00:26:11,152 --> 00:26:13,613
But sometimes she is. Have you seen it?
530
00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:15,865
She's seven or eight, she's not evil.
531
00:26:15,949 --> 00:26:18,493
But sometimes she's like,
"I'm gonna kill you!"
532
00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:21,788
Sometimes she's the devil.
Not always, but sometimes.
533
00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:24,916
Just like the formerly poor guy.
534
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:26,835
Sometimes...
535
00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:29,921
he'll let an "irregardless" slip,
536
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:32,007
a "supposably,"
537
00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:33,925
a "God Almighty!"
538
00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:37,137
He'll call the waitress over to ask
if the refills are free.
539
00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:38,388
[laughter]
540
00:26:38,471 --> 00:26:41,975
-"Do y'all have a dollar menu?" You know?
-[laughter]
541
00:26:42,058 --> 00:26:45,103
-Poverty is the details.
-[applause]
542
00:26:45,186 --> 00:26:46,146
It's the micro.
543
00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:51,443
Want to spot someone poor?
544
00:26:51,526 --> 00:26:54,529
Imagine two different people
standing side by side.
545
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,990
The two of them
have the same amount of money,
546
00:26:57,073 --> 00:26:59,451
the same age, same gender.
547
00:26:59,534 --> 00:27:02,370
They're basically identical
and they're equally rich,
548
00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:04,122
but only one of them used to be poor.
549
00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:07,125
How do you spot which one did?
550
00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:09,377
Just observe them standing there.
551
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:10,670
Five minutes on,
552
00:27:10,754 --> 00:27:13,048
the one who's never been poor
will be standing normally.
553
00:27:13,131 --> 00:27:15,383
The poor person will be like this. It's--
554
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:16,676
[laughter]
555
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,346
That's the poor person's handbrake.
556
00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:22,724
One minute he's like this,
the other he's like this.
557
00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:26,936
Soon he's judging people.
"Did you see Jackie got knocked up?"
558
00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:28,104
[laughter]
559
00:27:28,980 --> 00:27:29,939
It's the detail.
560
00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:33,568
Poverty is the details.
Some things bring out the poor within you.
561
00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:36,988
Hotel breakfast buffets. Jesus Christ...
562
00:27:37,072 --> 00:27:38,865
Wesley starts roaring.
563
00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:42,410
"There's papaya," he says.
564
00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:44,579
"Hmm, there's papaya!"
565
00:27:44,663 --> 00:27:47,540
At home, the papaya rottens.
But hotel papaya is just--
566
00:27:47,624 --> 00:27:50,377
"It's good for your poop, eat it.
567
00:27:50,752 --> 00:27:53,838
Hmm, melon. Have some grapes.
568
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:56,633
Eggs, sausage, honey.
569
00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:59,761
Hold on, is that tapioca?
570
00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:02,972
Grab some bananas for later."
571
00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:04,432
[laughter]
572
00:28:07,686 --> 00:28:10,188
Poor people will eat all they can.
573
00:28:10,271 --> 00:28:13,191
Come hell or high water.
574
00:28:13,650 --> 00:28:15,026
The place may be on fire.
575
00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:18,530
"The hotel is on fire,
please evacuate the building."
576
00:28:18,613 --> 00:28:22,075
"Fuck, it's 9:50 am!
Let's just grab some corn flakes!"
577
00:28:23,034 --> 00:28:25,328
He comes back.
Corn flakes in hand, body on fire.
578
00:28:25,412 --> 00:28:27,831
"Save the corn flakes!
579
00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:36,881
I have to go back inside!
I can't-- I will!"
580
00:28:36,965 --> 00:28:38,800
"Are you son in there?" "No!
581
00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:40,719
I saw yogurt!"
582
00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:42,178
[laughter]
583
00:28:44,931 --> 00:28:48,810
Poor people will eat all they can
no matter if it tastes good or not.
584
00:28:48,893 --> 00:28:51,020
I've stayed
in terrible hotels in the past.
585
00:28:51,104 --> 00:28:53,815
This one time,
I called the reception to ask for a towel
586
00:28:53,898 --> 00:28:55,984
and they said, "It's on the clothesline."
587
00:28:56,067 --> 00:28:57,318
[laughter]
588
00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:01,239
I answered, "Okay, can you hold the dog?"
589
00:29:01,322 --> 00:29:02,407
[laughter]
590
00:29:03,366 --> 00:29:07,579
I went to get the towel and she said,
"Pick it all up, it's gonna rain."
591
00:29:07,662 --> 00:29:09,164
[laughter]
592
00:29:09,622 --> 00:29:11,374
With all the clothespins.
593
00:29:14,210 --> 00:29:16,421
Treating the clean clothes like a corpse.
594
00:29:18,548 --> 00:29:22,802
By the way, nothing messes
with the head of poor people like--
595
00:29:22,886 --> 00:29:25,555
"Is there life after death?"
"Does God exist?"
596
00:29:25,638 --> 00:29:28,641
None of these questions messes
with the mind of a poor person
597
00:29:28,725 --> 00:29:31,478
like, on a cold day, at 6:30 am,
598
00:29:31,561 --> 00:29:34,773
walking up to the clothesline,
touching a shirt and thinking,
599
00:29:35,356 --> 00:29:37,233
"Is it wet or is it cold?"
600
00:29:37,317 --> 00:29:38,985
[laughter]
601
00:29:47,410 --> 00:29:50,663
The guy is rubbing underpants
against his face at 6:30 am.
602
00:29:52,707 --> 00:29:54,501
Feeling if it has a fever.
603
00:29:55,877 --> 00:29:57,378
And he never trusts himself.
604
00:29:57,462 --> 00:30:00,590
"Mom, is it wet or is it cold?"
She shoves it between her tits.
605
00:30:00,673 --> 00:30:02,342
[laughter]
606
00:30:08,348 --> 00:30:10,058
-"It's just cold."
-[laughter]
607
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:13,812
You put it on and say, "It was wet, Mom!"
608
00:30:16,856 --> 00:30:19,442
Guys, I never skip the hotel's breakfast.
609
00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:23,321
Not even once.
I stay at hotels six times a week.
610
00:30:23,404 --> 00:30:25,949
I always have breakfast,
611
00:30:26,032 --> 00:30:28,034
but I never want to.
612
00:30:28,368 --> 00:30:30,537
God is my witness. Never.
613
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,082
I turn off my phone--
The shows always end late,
614
00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:36,543
people call you, you're all pumped up,
615
00:30:36,626 --> 00:30:38,628
you rub one off-- When I go to bed,
616
00:30:39,254 --> 00:30:41,381
it's past 5 am. Breakfast is until 10 am.
617
00:30:41,464 --> 00:30:43,466
Physiologically, it's better to rest up,
618
00:30:43,550 --> 00:30:47,053
have lunch
and perform well the next night.
619
00:30:47,136 --> 00:30:48,263
So it turn my phone off,
620
00:30:48,346 --> 00:30:50,849
leave the phone off the hook,
hang the "do not disturb" sign,
621
00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:54,060
and think, "Bro, I'm not waking up.
For real.
622
00:30:54,143 --> 00:30:57,981
Fuck it. I won't have breakfast!"
623
00:30:58,439 --> 00:31:00,942
At 9:45, I hear, "Wake up!
624
00:31:01,025 --> 00:31:02,318
[laughter]
625
00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:19,836
Won't you have breakfast?"
626
00:31:19,919 --> 00:31:21,629
[laughter]
627
00:31:22,380 --> 00:31:23,631
"Fuck off!
628
00:31:24,549 --> 00:31:27,302
I'm friends with Juca.
He'll beat the fuck out of you."
629
00:31:28,136 --> 00:31:29,554
"Won't you--" "Who's there?"
630
00:31:29,637 --> 00:31:30,847
"I'm inside.
631
00:31:31,598 --> 00:31:34,100
-Wesley."
-[laughter]
632
00:31:34,183 --> 00:31:37,312
"But I'm not hungry!"
"It's not about hunger.
633
00:31:37,812 --> 00:31:39,105
It's free."
634
00:31:39,188 --> 00:31:40,857
[laughter]
635
00:31:40,940 --> 00:31:41,858
Then...
636
00:31:45,361 --> 00:31:46,321
Then we go.
637
00:31:48,698 --> 00:31:50,491
Poverty is not a plot,
638
00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:51,784
it's the details.
639
00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:54,871
Certain things
bring out the poor within you.
640
00:31:54,954 --> 00:31:56,623
The other day, I went on a date
641
00:31:56,706 --> 00:31:59,208
with one of the hottest girls I ever met.
642
00:31:59,584 --> 00:32:01,711
Who knows why she accepted
to go out with me.
643
00:32:01,794 --> 00:32:04,255
It's actually been a long time,
I'll be honest.
644
00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:07,258
We went out to dinner
and hung out a little bit.
645
00:32:07,342 --> 00:32:09,719
At some point, she said,
"Let's go to your place?"
646
00:32:09,802 --> 00:32:12,263
I was like, "Sure, let's go."
It caught me by surprise.
647
00:32:12,347 --> 00:32:14,974
So, we headed back. It was a cold day,
648
00:32:15,058 --> 00:32:17,101
she went to my bedroom,
I went to the bathroom.
649
00:32:17,185 --> 00:32:18,770
When I got into my bedroom,
650
00:32:18,853 --> 00:32:22,315
the prettiest, hottest girl I had ever met
651
00:32:22,398 --> 00:32:24,067
was lying on my bed.
652
00:32:24,150 --> 00:32:26,194
I sat on my armchair facing her.
653
00:32:26,486 --> 00:32:29,405
She stared at me, I stared at her.
654
00:32:30,073 --> 00:32:31,616
She stared at me
655
00:32:31,908 --> 00:32:34,786
with her beautiful face,
I stared at her with my face.
656
00:32:34,869 --> 00:32:36,120
[laughter]
657
00:32:36,204 --> 00:32:40,124
She stared at me, I stared at her.
658
00:32:40,416 --> 00:32:42,543
And the only thing I could think was,
659
00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:45,046
"Is she going to sleep
with her outside clothes?"
660
00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:46,381
[laughter]
661
00:32:46,464 --> 00:32:49,884
I never thought,
"I'm gonna fuck this hottie."
662
00:32:49,968 --> 00:32:52,887
It was all Wesley saying,
"That's so disrespectful!"
663
00:32:53,805 --> 00:32:56,975
Poor people have this chip implanted
in their brains by their mothers
664
00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:59,185
about clothes. Outside clothes--
665
00:32:59,268 --> 00:33:01,813
There's a hierarchy. Outside clothes,
666
00:33:01,896 --> 00:33:04,023
lesser outside clothes,
667
00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:06,609
church clothes, aunt-visiting clothes,
668
00:33:06,693 --> 00:33:09,153
stay-at-home clothes,
stay-at-home brother clothes,
669
00:33:09,237 --> 00:33:11,614
stay-at-home mom clothes,
and if you're really poor,
670
00:33:11,698 --> 00:33:15,702
your mom will eventually start cutting
your clothes into rags.
671
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,539
You're taking a dump and realize
you're stepping on an old t-shirt.
672
00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:22,625
"I made my First Communion with this--
673
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:25,920
Hey, Mom, this shirt received the host!"
674
00:33:32,218 --> 00:33:34,887
I still have a separate pile
for outside clothes--
675
00:33:34,971 --> 00:33:37,640
which is way shorter
than the inside clothes pile.
676
00:33:37,724 --> 00:33:38,725
You're like,
677
00:33:38,808 --> 00:33:41,436
"Inside clothes are a bad influence!
678
00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:42,687
[laughter]
679
00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:45,982
If I see you two together,
you're gonna pay for it!"
680
00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:48,401
Some shirts are so overused
681
00:33:48,484 --> 00:33:51,154
that when you look at them,
they're like, "Not again!
682
00:33:52,321 --> 00:33:54,365
Choose another, motherfucker!"
683
00:33:55,533 --> 00:33:59,203
You look for it inside the wardrobe,
they're hiding like, "Shh!"
684
00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:02,415
"Mr. Tank Top,
please don't tell him I'm here!
685
00:34:03,124 --> 00:34:07,336
Don't tell him! I'm so exhausted.
Look at how worn my neck is!
686
00:34:07,420 --> 00:34:08,546
[laughter]
687
00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:12,383
He doesn't take me off,
he thinks I'm a fucking tattoo!
688
00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,719
Any idea how my life is like?
689
00:34:15,595 --> 00:34:17,388
From washboard to drying rack,
690
00:34:17,472 --> 00:34:20,016
from drying rack to body,
from body to washboard--
691
00:34:20,099 --> 00:34:23,770
He doesn't even iron me.
'It will de-wrinkle on my body.' I won't!
692
00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:25,313
[laughter]
693
00:34:25,688 --> 00:34:27,815
Don't laugh, Mr. Shorts. You're not used!"
694
00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:29,067
[applause]
695
00:34:32,653 --> 00:34:34,697
You know who must be feeling
really confused?
696
00:34:34,781 --> 00:34:37,575
The sweatpants. Mr. Sweatpants...
697
00:34:38,034 --> 00:34:40,828
must be so confused.
He was always meant to be indoors.
698
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:42,163
Out of nowhere...
699
00:34:42,622 --> 00:34:45,124
his career shot up.
700
00:34:45,708 --> 00:34:48,377
He became a digital influencer,
goes to nightclubs.
701
00:34:48,795 --> 00:34:51,089
"God, what am I doing here?"
702
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:52,590
[laughter]
703
00:34:55,218 --> 00:34:57,345
I think clothes chat inside the wardrobe.
704
00:34:57,428 --> 00:35:00,473
"Damn, girl,
you're three months away from retirement."
705
00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,726
"I was already passed on to the mother."
706
00:35:04,685 --> 00:35:06,562
"Have you heard about Ms. Jeans?"
707
00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:09,774
"What about her?"
"She turned into shorts."
708
00:35:09,857 --> 00:35:11,943
[laughter]
709
00:35:15,071 --> 00:35:18,741
Anyway, I started undressing
in front of the girl
710
00:35:18,825 --> 00:35:20,785
to encourage her to undress too.
711
00:35:20,868 --> 00:35:24,038
"Look what I do
with my outside clothes. Ha-ha!"
712
00:35:25,164 --> 00:35:27,875
She didn't flinch.
"Alright. Your clothes, your rules."
713
00:35:28,334 --> 00:35:29,544
Put it in the outside pile,
714
00:35:29,627 --> 00:35:32,755
wore some inside clothes just before sex,
715
00:35:32,839 --> 00:35:34,257
washed my dick in the sink--
716
00:35:34,757 --> 00:35:36,134
[laughter]
717
00:35:36,425 --> 00:35:38,928
What? You're acting
like you didn't know we did it.
718
00:35:39,011 --> 00:35:40,388
Fuck you all.
719
00:35:41,055 --> 00:35:43,599
We show up with our shirt all wet--
720
00:35:43,683 --> 00:35:45,226
[laughter]
721
00:35:45,768 --> 00:35:47,145
Come on, ladies.
722
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:49,730
Ladies,
if right before having sex with you,
723
00:35:49,814 --> 00:35:51,899
the guy doesn't show up with a wet shirt,
724
00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:52,900
make no mistake:
725
00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:56,028
he either didn't wash his dick
726
00:35:56,779 --> 00:35:58,948
or he's very seasoned
and held his shirt up.
727
00:35:59,031 --> 00:36:00,575
[laughter]
728
00:36:02,785 --> 00:36:05,538
That's something
that only life can teach you.
729
00:36:05,621 --> 00:36:07,039
[applause]
730
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:11,127
Some young fellows
are looking at me like, "No way!"
731
00:36:12,336 --> 00:36:16,215
Oh, fuck you, ladies. Don't tell me
you don't wash your pussies in the sink.
732
00:36:16,299 --> 00:36:17,341
[laughter]
733
00:36:18,384 --> 00:36:19,343
You don't?
734
00:36:19,844 --> 00:36:20,761
Really?
735
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,680
[laughter]
736
00:36:23,306 --> 00:36:25,057
It must be like...
737
00:36:25,141 --> 00:36:27,518
doing laundry in the lake
in the old times.
738
00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:33,316
The pussy must get so startled
with the cold water. "Rosana!"
739
00:36:33,399 --> 00:36:34,817
[laughter]
740
00:36:34,901 --> 00:36:37,695
"Rosa-- Rosana, I'm drowning!
741
00:36:38,237 --> 00:36:41,824
Christ, I may smell like fish,
but I can't swim!"
742
00:36:47,705 --> 00:36:48,623
Anyway...
743
00:36:48,873 --> 00:36:50,958
Soon's I get back from the bathroom--
744
00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:54,378
I wonder what the subtitles girl
will come up with for "soon's".
745
00:36:54,879 --> 00:36:56,964
[laughter]
746
00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:01,969
[cheering and applause]
747
00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:07,600
"Soon's"?
748
00:37:08,559 --> 00:37:12,688
That's for you, subtitler.
"Soon's I" is "as soon as I."
749
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:15,733
[chuckles]
750
00:37:15,816 --> 00:37:18,527
Soon's I open the door
and get into the bedroom,
751
00:37:18,611 --> 00:37:22,323
the prettiest, hottest girl I've ever seen
752
00:37:22,406 --> 00:37:24,575
was lying on my bed in thongs...
753
00:37:25,368 --> 00:37:27,745
and with my outside t-shirt on.
754
00:37:28,246 --> 00:37:30,456
[laughter]
755
00:37:31,832 --> 00:37:34,585
I got into the bedroom like, "Whoa!"
756
00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:37,713
"Ha-ha, like what you see?"
757
00:37:37,797 --> 00:37:40,132
I said, "Ha-ha, of course, I bought it."
758
00:37:40,216 --> 00:37:41,634
[laughter]
759
00:37:41,717 --> 00:37:43,427
"It looks good on me, right?"
760
00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:46,222
-I said, "It looks better off you."
-[laughter]
761
00:37:46,305 --> 00:37:47,390
She was like, "What?"
762
00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:49,892
-I said, "Ha-ha-ha."
-[laughter]
763
00:37:49,976 --> 00:37:52,561
"I'll sleep with it."
I said, "The hell you will."
764
00:37:52,645 --> 00:37:53,980
[laughter]
765
00:37:54,063 --> 00:37:54,939
She said, "What?"
766
00:37:55,022 --> 00:37:57,233
I said,
"Hell, you will feel uncomfortable."
767
00:37:57,316 --> 00:38:00,820
I opened the wardrobe and started
to pick up shirts from the indoors pile
768
00:38:00,903 --> 00:38:02,154
like it was a thrift shop.
769
00:38:02,238 --> 00:38:04,824
"How about this one,
full of holes and super comfy?"
770
00:38:05,366 --> 00:38:08,786
"No." I said, "You won't be able
to say no to this one.
771
00:38:08,869 --> 00:38:10,621
It's so good, from NASA."
772
00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:14,333
"No." I said, "What about this rag
I stole from a hobo?"
773
00:38:15,251 --> 00:38:18,796
She said, "No.
Why? Don't you like this one?"
774
00:38:18,879 --> 00:38:20,756
I said, "I do, it's very nice."
775
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,509
"If you didn't like it,
come and tear it up."
776
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,601
-I got dizzy, sat on the bed.
-[laughter]
777
00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:37,606
She tried to kiss my neck,
I dismissed her advances.
778
00:38:39,025 --> 00:38:41,402
"I'm not feeling it. I don't feel great."
779
00:38:42,153 --> 00:38:45,156
She rubbed her pussy against my arm,
I said, "Will you stop?
780
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:46,782
[laughter]
781
00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:48,075
Leave me alone."
782
00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:51,245
She tried to grab my dick, I said, "Hey!
783
00:38:52,121 --> 00:38:54,040
No means no. Show some respect."
784
00:38:54,498 --> 00:38:55,958
[laughter]
785
00:38:56,375 --> 00:38:58,044
She said, "You're so strange."
786
00:38:59,086 --> 00:39:01,672
I said, "Not as strange
as sleeping on outside clothes."
787
00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:03,299
[laughter]
788
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:07,011
[cheering and applause]
789
00:39:12,099 --> 00:39:13,059
She said--
790
00:39:13,142 --> 00:39:16,729
She dressed up and said,
"You know what? Fuck you. I'm out."
791
00:39:16,812 --> 00:39:18,481
I said, "Godspeed."
792
00:39:18,898 --> 00:39:20,024
[laughter]
793
00:39:20,316 --> 00:39:21,734
[Thiago laughs]
794
00:39:22,818 --> 00:39:25,905
I think poverty is hereditary.
My mom passed it on to me.
795
00:39:25,988 --> 00:39:28,532
I have an undesired poor person's mindset
thanks to Mom.
796
00:39:28,616 --> 00:39:31,410
Her genes-- It's basic math:
797
00:39:31,494 --> 00:39:34,121
poor dick plus poor cunt
equals poor child.
798
00:39:35,331 --> 00:39:37,958
Poor dick plus rich cunt,
the child may be rich,
799
00:39:38,042 --> 00:39:40,419
because the mother has a lot of weight.
800
00:39:40,711 --> 00:39:42,755
Rich dick plus poor cunt,
801
00:39:43,297 --> 00:39:44,715
then it depends on the dick.
802
00:39:44,799 --> 00:39:47,927
If he says, "I've got to buy cigarettes,"
fuck, then it's a--
803
00:39:48,844 --> 00:39:51,097
Mom has always been so poor.
804
00:39:51,180 --> 00:39:53,391
Today, thank God we're doing well off.
805
00:39:53,474 --> 00:39:55,476
One of the biggest triumphs of my life
806
00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:57,520
is being able to provide for my mother.
807
00:39:57,603 --> 00:39:59,063
I'm so happy about it.
808
00:39:59,146 --> 00:40:02,108
I work hard, and your money
has helped a great deal.
809
00:40:02,566 --> 00:40:05,820
Really, I'm so happy
I managed to give Mom a beach house.
810
00:40:05,903 --> 00:40:08,406
She always dreamed
about having a beach house.
811
00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:10,408
"What wouldn't I give
to have a beach house."
812
00:40:10,491 --> 00:40:13,160
Since I was very little, she would say,
813
00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:16,414
"I love the beach, Afonso,
because I'm an Aquarius."
814
00:40:16,497 --> 00:40:18,791
"You're a Poorius,
that's why you love it."
815
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:21,043
"I was a fish in my previous life."
816
00:40:21,127 --> 00:40:23,796
"That explains why your memory suck."
817
00:40:23,879 --> 00:40:26,507
"Afonso, one day, your old mother
818
00:40:26,590 --> 00:40:29,552
will be on her beach house
wearing a bikini." I was like--
819
00:40:29,635 --> 00:40:31,345
[laughter]
820
00:40:32,513 --> 00:40:35,349
"I won't go visit you.
Not if you wear a bikini."
821
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:36,517
"It's my dream--"
822
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:37,935
She would always say that.
823
00:40:38,018 --> 00:40:40,521
But as her kids started
to drop out of school--
824
00:40:40,604 --> 00:40:43,065
grade seven, grade eight,
and then there's me,
825
00:40:43,149 --> 00:40:45,317
who graduated from high school. Um--
826
00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:49,572
As we got dumber, she gave up on her dream
827
00:40:49,655 --> 00:40:51,991
because she had to work hard
to provide for us.
828
00:40:52,074 --> 00:40:54,785
That's why it was such a big joy
to give her a beach house.
829
00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:56,537
My producer helped me to surprise her.
830
00:40:56,620 --> 00:40:58,789
We went to a beach in Santa Catarina,
831
00:40:58,873 --> 00:41:02,293
saw the worst, cheapest house there was--
832
00:41:02,835 --> 00:41:04,545
that your money could afford--
833
00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:07,506
I got that house and made her a surprise.
834
00:41:07,590 --> 00:41:10,468
I took photos, the property deed,
the keys, everything.
835
00:41:10,551 --> 00:41:13,929
Poor people only consider it theirs
when everything is palpable.
836
00:41:14,013 --> 00:41:17,725
If it doesn't have their name on it,
it just can't be theirs.
837
00:41:17,808 --> 00:41:20,561
So, with everything in hand,
I said, "It's time."
838
00:41:20,644 --> 00:41:23,522
I took all the stuff,
the photos, the keys, the deed,
839
00:41:23,606 --> 00:41:25,649
and put it in a box very carefully.
840
00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:30,154
We're usually not the emotional kind
because Mom didn't have time for that.
841
00:41:30,237 --> 00:41:33,449
And I'd rather have lasagna
than a hug anyway.
842
00:41:34,783 --> 00:41:37,536
Someone buys me a pizza,
I say, "I love you too."
843
00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:39,955
We sat together,
and I tried my hand at being cute.
844
00:41:40,039 --> 00:41:43,501
I took the box, tied a ribbon around it,
handed it to her,
845
00:41:43,584 --> 00:41:45,753
she looked at me
with all her sensibility and said,
846
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:48,839
"If it's a prank,
I'm going to smash your face in."
847
00:41:48,923 --> 00:41:50,508
[laughter]
848
00:41:52,092 --> 00:41:55,304
Because having a poor mother
is like adopting an abused dog:
849
00:41:55,387 --> 00:41:56,847
it never trusts you entirely.
850
00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:59,308
"What are you doing?
You're up to no good!"
851
00:42:01,602 --> 00:42:03,479
I said, "Open it, Mom."
852
00:42:03,562 --> 00:42:05,272
"If it's a prank--" "Mom, open it."
853
00:42:05,356 --> 00:42:07,316
"What if it's a dick?" I said, "What?"
854
00:42:07,399 --> 00:42:08,984
[laughter]
855
00:42:09,068 --> 00:42:10,027
"It could be a dick."
856
00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:12,488
"Why would I gift you a dildo?"
857
00:42:12,571 --> 00:42:14,698
She said, "I've seen the dildo prank.
858
00:42:14,782 --> 00:42:17,159
The person opens the box
and is hit by a dildo."
859
00:42:17,910 --> 00:42:21,789
I said, "Who are you following
that posts dildo pranks?"
860
00:42:22,414 --> 00:42:24,083
She said, "It's stuff people share.
861
00:42:24,166 --> 00:42:26,460
If it's a dildo,
I'm going to spank you with it.
862
00:42:26,544 --> 00:42:28,504
"What?" "You're going to take that dick!"
863
00:42:28,587 --> 00:42:30,548
-I was like, "Whoa!
-[laughter]
864
00:42:30,631 --> 00:42:32,383
"Stop talking about dick." "Afonso--"
865
00:42:32,466 --> 00:42:34,635
I was like, "Mom, just open it."
866
00:42:35,094 --> 00:42:38,472
She handled it very carefully,
afraid of finding a dildo inside,
867
00:42:38,973 --> 00:42:42,726
and saw that it was a key,
a deed, a picture,
868
00:42:42,810 --> 00:42:44,311
and said, "What's this?"
869
00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:46,188
"It's the beach house you wanted."
870
00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:48,607
That's when Mom started to cry.
871
00:42:48,691 --> 00:42:51,026
The toughest person I've ever met
872
00:42:51,110 --> 00:42:53,404
started to melt in front of me,
crying her eyes out.
873
00:42:53,487 --> 00:42:54,655
And I couldn't believe.
874
00:42:54,738 --> 00:42:58,033
My mom-- Lemon balm tea, we--
875
00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:01,287
My mom would cycle to work
on 27-degree cold days.
876
00:43:01,370 --> 00:43:03,080
You know what that feels like?
877
00:43:03,163 --> 00:43:05,040
You get off the bike but--
878
00:43:05,124 --> 00:43:07,543
look, your butthole stays on the saddle.
879
00:43:08,794 --> 00:43:12,006
Suddenly, the toughest woman I've ever met
880
00:43:12,089 --> 00:43:14,258
was melting in front of me.
I didn't get it.
881
00:43:14,341 --> 00:43:16,677
As she cried and cried, I realized it.
882
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:18,554
I began to understand.
883
00:43:18,637 --> 00:43:21,682
Imagine fighting to raise three children.
884
00:43:21,765 --> 00:43:24,310
You used to have a dream
that gradually deflated
885
00:43:24,393 --> 00:43:26,061
to give way to other priorities,
886
00:43:26,145 --> 00:43:28,939
and one day your kids
make your dream come true.
887
00:43:29,023 --> 00:43:31,734
By "kids" I mean me.
My brothers did nothing.
888
00:43:32,234 --> 00:43:34,695
Kids, a.k.a. Afonso Padilha.
889
00:43:34,778 --> 00:43:37,990
Afonso made her dream come true.
890
00:43:38,073 --> 00:43:41,702
She was crying out of pride
for having done a good work.
891
00:43:41,785 --> 00:43:45,372
She continues to cry,
I keep staring at her.
892
00:43:45,456 --> 00:43:50,711
That was four years ago,
but I still get goosebumps.
893
00:43:50,794 --> 00:43:54,048
It was so moving
that I'll never forget when she said,
894
00:43:54,131 --> 00:43:55,549
"Is it paid off?"
895
00:43:55,633 --> 00:43:57,259
[laughter]
896
00:43:57,718 --> 00:44:00,512
I was like, "What a fucking dick.
897
00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:06,477
I should have given her a dildo instead."
898
00:44:08,228 --> 00:44:11,482
No, my mom is one of the most
incredible people I've ever met
899
00:44:11,565 --> 00:44:15,069
because she's always been poor--
I was not my fault--
900
00:44:15,152 --> 00:44:17,154
and she always liked to help people.
901
00:44:17,237 --> 00:44:20,074
She's always been so altruistic.
902
00:44:20,157 --> 00:44:23,994
She'd say, "We gotta help.
God will give back two-fold."
903
00:44:24,078 --> 00:44:26,747
And I'd say, "Mom,
poor times poor is twice as poor."
904
00:44:27,414 --> 00:44:31,126
"No, Afonso. Share, and one day
God shall give you back two-fold.
905
00:44:31,210 --> 00:44:32,211
We gotta share."
906
00:44:32,294 --> 00:44:35,214
There's something
that I learned to do with her.
907
00:44:35,297 --> 00:44:37,341
In the first week of December,
908
00:44:37,424 --> 00:44:39,968
Mom would gather all the kids,
Lincoln, Jean and me,
909
00:44:40,052 --> 00:44:42,763
and tell us,
"Pick your worst clothes for donation."
910
00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:47,434
[laughter]
911
00:44:47,851 --> 00:44:50,187
I'd say,
"My worst clothes are all of them!
912
00:44:51,105 --> 00:44:53,399
Close your eyes, reach inside the wardrobe
913
00:44:53,482 --> 00:44:54,608
and pick whatever.
914
00:44:54,692 --> 00:44:58,070
Wanna take this trash? Be my guest.
915
00:44:58,153 --> 00:45:01,156
Just don't give yours away
because no one will wear it."
916
00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:04,952
Then she'd kick my ass,
and I'd do as told but crying.
917
00:45:05,786 --> 00:45:08,580
"Mom, this t-shirt you are seeing--
918
00:45:09,248 --> 00:45:13,335
Is it good or bad? I don't remember."
919
00:45:14,086 --> 00:45:15,546
[laughter]
920
00:45:17,005 --> 00:45:18,841
Allow me to open a parenthesis.
921
00:45:18,924 --> 00:45:21,427
Remember when your mother would spank you
922
00:45:21,510 --> 00:45:24,054
and make you do shit crying?
923
00:45:24,471 --> 00:45:27,891
You'd go sweep the front yard like,
"I don't know why Mom--"
924
00:45:27,975 --> 00:45:29,727
[laughter]
925
00:45:30,728 --> 00:45:33,814
Moms in the house: it doesn't matter
if your kid is in the wrong,
926
00:45:33,897 --> 00:45:38,902
once you spank them,
they're the most wronged person on Earth.
927
00:45:38,986 --> 00:45:42,030
They'll be like, "I did nothing--"
928
00:45:42,531 --> 00:45:45,200
Mumbling in slow motion like, "But I--"
929
00:45:45,284 --> 00:45:46,910
[laughter]
930
00:45:47,703 --> 00:45:49,705
"I was just--"
931
00:45:51,123 --> 00:45:54,334
Remember when Mom would spank us
and make us do the dishes?
932
00:45:54,418 --> 00:45:58,088
You'd sob and mumble like you were talking
to some imaginary friend,
933
00:45:58,172 --> 00:45:59,882
[sobbing] "I was just playing--
934
00:45:59,965 --> 00:46:01,091
[laughter]
935
00:46:01,508 --> 00:46:03,385
I was just playing video game.
936
00:46:03,469 --> 00:46:04,553
[laughter]
937
00:46:04,636 --> 00:46:06,138
Then Mom said,
938
00:46:06,221 --> 00:46:08,348
'Go do the dishes.'
939
00:46:09,433 --> 00:46:11,560
Then I said, 'Wait up, Mom!
940
00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:15,063
Let me beat the final boss.'
941
00:46:15,689 --> 00:46:19,818
Then she said, 'I'm the big boss...
942
00:46:20,736 --> 00:46:22,362
and I'm telling you
943
00:46:23,071 --> 00:46:24,823
to go do
944
00:46:25,491 --> 00:46:27,034
the dishes.'
945
00:46:28,118 --> 00:46:30,704
Then I said, 'But Mom,
946
00:46:31,079 --> 00:46:33,081
just let me save.'
947
00:46:33,165 --> 00:46:35,709
And she said,
'You're no hero to save anything.'
948
00:46:36,251 --> 00:46:40,339
Then I said, 'I mean save the game, Mom.'
949
00:46:40,422 --> 00:46:42,758
And she said, 'Go do the dishes.'
950
00:46:43,342 --> 00:46:45,385
I said, 'Just let me die first.'
951
00:46:45,469 --> 00:46:48,180
She said, 'If you die, I'll kill you.'
952
00:46:48,263 --> 00:46:49,223
[laughter]
953
00:46:49,306 --> 00:46:52,851
I said, 'Mom--' And she said, 'I'm not...
954
00:46:54,478 --> 00:46:56,146
gonna say it...
955
00:47:00,651 --> 00:47:03,111
again.'
956
00:47:03,529 --> 00:47:06,406
Then she came and hit me
with the joystick."
957
00:47:06,740 --> 00:47:08,242
[laughter]
958
00:47:09,785 --> 00:47:12,788
[applause]
959
00:47:17,709 --> 00:47:19,962
I'm actually crying. Sad memories.
960
00:47:21,171 --> 00:47:23,382
Overwhelmingly void of affection.
961
00:47:24,216 --> 00:47:26,885
Remember when you would say,
"I'm going to run away!"
962
00:47:27,219 --> 00:47:30,013
You know? "I didn't ask to be born!"
963
00:47:30,097 --> 00:47:31,056
[laughter]
964
00:47:32,724 --> 00:47:33,892
That's a classic.
965
00:47:33,976 --> 00:47:36,061
"I didn't ask to be born!"
966
00:47:36,144 --> 00:47:37,771
Mom would always have a clapback.
967
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:40,315
Maybe she was a mother
in her previous life.
968
00:47:40,399 --> 00:47:43,527
It was so impressive. "I'll run away!"
"Take your brothers with you!"
969
00:47:43,944 --> 00:47:45,529
[laughter]
970
00:47:46,238 --> 00:47:48,699
"I didn't ask to be born!"
971
00:47:48,782 --> 00:47:50,742
"I didn't want you to be born as well."
972
00:47:52,786 --> 00:47:54,204
Once I said,
973
00:47:54,288 --> 00:47:56,206
"I...
974
00:47:56,582 --> 00:47:59,751
would like to die."
975
00:48:01,837 --> 00:48:03,255
She promptly answered,
976
00:48:03,338 --> 00:48:04,923
"Do the dishes first then die.
977
00:48:05,382 --> 00:48:06,842
[laughter]
978
00:48:08,218 --> 00:48:10,429
And stop crying or I'll spank you harder."
979
00:48:11,179 --> 00:48:13,765
[laughter]
980
00:48:27,654 --> 00:48:29,781
[sobs]
981
00:48:29,865 --> 00:48:31,408
[laughter]
982
00:48:32,117 --> 00:48:33,785
You'd rewind the crying tape.
983
00:48:36,246 --> 00:48:38,290
My little brother Jean, when Mom said,
984
00:48:38,373 --> 00:48:42,878
"Stop crying or I'll spank you."
He'd glitch the fuck out, "No--"
985
00:48:42,961 --> 00:48:45,339
My big brother would imitate a bike.
986
00:48:46,673 --> 00:48:48,550
I cracked up.
987
00:48:48,634 --> 00:48:50,469
[imitates bike revving]
988
00:48:50,552 --> 00:48:52,554
He'd be like, "Stop it!
989
00:48:52,638 --> 00:48:54,264
Stop it!
990
00:48:54,848 --> 00:48:57,517
Stop--" Mom would say,
"I'll spank the three of you!"
991
00:48:57,601 --> 00:48:58,560
I was like--
992
00:48:58,644 --> 00:49:00,103
[laughter]
993
00:49:09,821 --> 00:49:12,199
Anyway, that was the parenthesis.
994
00:49:12,282 --> 00:49:14,451
Mom would gather the three of us...
995
00:49:15,327 --> 00:49:17,329
and tell us to pick our worst clothes
for donation.
996
00:49:17,412 --> 00:49:20,248
We'd pick it all up, give it to her,
997
00:49:20,332 --> 00:49:24,378
she'd take it, donate it to the church--
she's always been a dedicated Catholic.
998
00:49:24,461 --> 00:49:26,463
She'd also give tithe
to the Evangelical church,
999
00:49:26,546 --> 00:49:30,175
perform voodoo rituals,
and light up candles just in case.
1000
00:49:31,009 --> 00:49:32,844
She'd take no chances.
1001
00:49:34,763 --> 00:49:36,890
Covered all bases.
1002
00:49:37,265 --> 00:49:39,434
But she gave the clothes
to the Catholic church
1003
00:49:39,518 --> 00:49:42,145
every year in the first week of December.
1004
00:49:42,229 --> 00:49:45,315
By the third week, because of Christmas,
1005
00:49:45,399 --> 00:49:49,027
the church would take those clothes
and donate it to poor families.
1006
00:49:50,112 --> 00:49:53,115
[laughter]
1007
00:49:55,701 --> 00:49:58,078
What a small world we live in, everyone.
1008
00:49:59,413 --> 00:50:01,456
In the first week we'd donate it,
1009
00:50:01,540 --> 00:50:04,459
two weeks later we'd get it back
all confused.
1010
00:50:12,718 --> 00:50:15,303
"Wow, Mom,
it's just like the shirt we donated."
1011
00:50:15,387 --> 00:50:16,722
[laughter]
1012
00:50:16,805 --> 00:50:19,307
God did give back two-fold,
I got this and one even worse.
1013
00:50:21,309 --> 00:50:24,604
There's this one time when Mom--
I thought that--
1014
00:50:24,688 --> 00:50:28,025
We all have embarrassing stories
involving our parents
1015
00:50:28,108 --> 00:50:30,110
from when we were little.
1016
00:50:30,402 --> 00:50:33,488
But I though these would stop
once I grew old.
1017
00:50:33,572 --> 00:50:35,824
In December last year...
1018
00:50:36,324 --> 00:50:37,909
[laughs]
1019
00:50:37,993 --> 00:50:40,871
I took my mom to a resort
in Rio Quente, everyone.
1020
00:50:40,954 --> 00:50:42,330
Caldas Novas, Rio Quente.
1021
00:50:42,414 --> 00:50:45,042
I took my mom to Hot Park,
a very fancy hotel.
1022
00:50:45,125 --> 00:50:46,585
It was her first fancy hotel.
1023
00:50:46,668 --> 00:50:47,961
She took a dump in the dark
1024
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:50,630
because she didn't know
what the keycard was for.
1025
00:50:50,714 --> 00:50:52,215
[laughter]
1026
00:50:52,299 --> 00:50:54,259
I kept my mouth shut
as the cleaning lady said,
1027
00:50:54,342 --> 00:50:57,804
"Rose, someone shat on the floor
in room 108 again."
1028
00:50:57,888 --> 00:50:59,473
[laughter]
1029
00:51:01,224 --> 00:51:03,101
I was like, "Shh!"
1030
00:51:05,228 --> 00:51:07,814
She said,
"Afonso, how do you shit in the dark?"
1031
00:51:07,898 --> 00:51:09,816
"I'm experienced with hotels, Mom."
1032
00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:11,902
"Damn, I shat in the sink this morning."
1033
00:51:11,985 --> 00:51:13,528
[laughter]
1034
00:51:16,615 --> 00:51:19,117
I went with Mom and Aunt Cida.
Aunty knew how it works.
1035
00:51:19,201 --> 00:51:22,120
Mom didn't,
and I forgot to show her around.
1036
00:51:22,204 --> 00:51:25,082
Poor people need a basic hotel tutorial.
1037
00:51:25,165 --> 00:51:27,250
"To turn on the light, use the keycard.
1038
00:51:27,334 --> 00:51:28,543
To take a shower,
1039
00:51:28,627 --> 00:51:32,214
you don't turn the handle all the way,
it depends on the season we're in.
1040
00:51:32,297 --> 00:51:34,299
"Seasoning? Like a salad?" "No, Mom!"
1041
00:51:35,717 --> 00:51:39,179
"No, you gotta balance the amount
of hot and cold water so that...
1042
00:51:39,262 --> 00:51:40,555
you have a good shower.
1043
00:51:40,639 --> 00:51:42,682
And finally, do you see that thing?"
1044
00:51:42,766 --> 00:51:44,893
"The dwarf fridge?" "It's called minibar.
1045
00:51:45,435 --> 00:51:47,938
Don't ever get near it.
1046
00:51:48,814 --> 00:51:51,733
Not even if they say,
'We have kidnapped your son,
1047
00:51:51,817 --> 00:51:54,486
hand out the Cokes in the--'
1048
00:51:54,569 --> 00:51:56,029
Don't, Mom. Let them kill me.
1049
00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:57,781
Don't get near the minibar.
1050
00:51:57,864 --> 00:52:01,660
One chocolate milk will cost us our car."
1051
00:52:03,245 --> 00:52:06,289
I forgot to give Mom this walkthrough.
I went with her and Aunt Cida.
1052
00:52:06,373 --> 00:52:07,749
I was on room 101,
1053
00:52:07,833 --> 00:52:10,836
Mom was on room 108, I think,
1054
00:52:10,919 --> 00:52:13,171
and Aunt Cida was on room--
1055
00:52:13,255 --> 00:52:15,340
Fuck her, she doesn't matter.
1056
00:52:15,423 --> 00:52:18,718
She was there but played no part,
just like Dad. So--
1057
00:52:19,803 --> 00:52:21,930
She exists but didn't participate.
1058
00:52:22,013 --> 00:52:23,932
So, each one had their room.
1059
00:52:24,015 --> 00:52:27,602
I was in my room for half an hour.
The hotel was great.
1060
00:52:28,186 --> 00:52:30,063
Suddenly I hear an "Ouch!"
1061
00:52:30,397 --> 00:52:31,731
[laughter]
1062
00:52:32,399 --> 00:52:34,818
I got spooked. "Ou-ou-ouch!"
1063
00:52:35,944 --> 00:52:38,363
I asked the reception to call room 108.
1064
00:52:38,446 --> 00:52:40,574
They called, Mom answered.
"Mom, are you okay?"
1065
00:52:40,657 --> 00:52:43,201
She said, "Did you see
how much a bottle of water costs?"
1066
00:52:43,285 --> 00:52:45,787
[panting]
1067
00:52:46,163 --> 00:52:49,499
I said, "Is it expensive?"
"It's half of our water bill."
1068
00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:50,667
[laughter]
1069
00:52:51,084 --> 00:52:51,918
"That expensive?"
1070
00:52:52,002 --> 00:52:55,172
"You can wash the driveway
for three weeks with this bottle."
1071
00:52:55,505 --> 00:52:57,716
"Don't be exaggerated." "I'm not."
1072
00:52:57,799 --> 00:52:59,092
"You can drink it."
1073
00:52:59,176 --> 00:53:01,344
"I can't pull money out of my ass."
1074
00:53:02,053 --> 00:53:04,306
I said, "Mom, don't be silly.
You know I'm working.
1075
00:53:04,389 --> 00:53:07,434
You did so much for us, you deserve it.
1076
00:53:07,517 --> 00:53:10,979
The least I can do
is provide you with some comfort."
1077
00:53:11,396 --> 00:53:14,232
She said, "Did you see
how much a bottle of water costs?"
1078
00:53:14,316 --> 00:53:15,358
[laughter]
1079
00:53:15,442 --> 00:53:17,527
"I don't care, I'll pay it."
1080
00:53:17,611 --> 00:53:20,071
"Are you a drug dealer?"
I was like, "What?"
1081
00:53:20,947 --> 00:53:22,240
"I won't drink it.
1082
00:53:22,324 --> 00:53:25,118
My organism might reject it and I'll die."
1083
00:53:25,410 --> 00:53:27,495
"So drink from the tap."
1084
00:53:27,579 --> 00:53:28,580
"I'm not that nasty."
1085
00:53:28,663 --> 00:53:31,499
"So you're gonna be thirsty?"
"Let's go to the convenience store."
1086
00:53:31,583 --> 00:53:33,418
She made us go to the convenience store.
1087
00:53:33,501 --> 00:53:34,669
[laughter]
1088
00:53:35,170 --> 00:53:39,633
We were in a hot spring resort
that God heated for us.
1089
00:53:40,217 --> 00:53:42,594
"Sure, let's go. When we're back,
1090
00:53:42,677 --> 00:53:44,971
God will have cooled down the water
out of anger."
1091
00:53:45,055 --> 00:53:46,431
"Let's go, I'm thirsty."
1092
00:53:46,514 --> 00:53:49,601
You know where the nearest
convenience store we found was?
1093
00:53:49,684 --> 00:53:50,602
Across the state.
1094
00:53:50,894 --> 00:53:52,312
[laughter]
1095
00:53:52,854 --> 00:53:55,440
We had to go back and check out first.
1096
00:53:55,523 --> 00:53:57,067
[laughter]
1097
00:53:58,526 --> 00:53:59,653
When we found it...
1098
00:54:03,907 --> 00:54:06,660
We went in, Mom grabbed water,
cookies, some Tupperware--
1099
00:54:06,743 --> 00:54:08,620
I still don't know why.
1100
00:54:08,703 --> 00:54:10,789
"You're buying Tupperwares?"
1101
00:54:10,872 --> 00:54:13,083
She said, "Márcia doesn't give mine back."
1102
00:54:13,166 --> 00:54:14,167
[laughter]
1103
00:54:14,251 --> 00:54:16,169
Every poor person
has a friend called Márcia.
1104
00:54:16,253 --> 00:54:19,297
-If you don't, you are Márcia.
-[laughter]
1105
00:54:19,381 --> 00:54:21,132
Then Mom said,
1106
00:54:21,216 --> 00:54:24,010
"Shut up, I'll take it."
We headed to checkout.
1107
00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:26,179
I got all happy,
"We're finally going back."
1108
00:54:26,263 --> 00:54:28,265
She started staring at the ground coffees.
1109
00:54:28,348 --> 00:54:29,391
"What are you doing?"
1110
00:54:29,474 --> 00:54:31,393
"Looking for some instant coffee.
1111
00:54:31,476 --> 00:54:34,312
You know I have headaches
if I don't drink coffee."
1112
00:54:34,938 --> 00:54:37,065
I said, "Hey, Ms. Scrooge...
1113
00:54:37,148 --> 00:54:38,400
[laughter]
1114
00:54:38,483 --> 00:54:41,987
We're in a resort hotel.
You can have coffee all day."
1115
00:54:42,070 --> 00:54:43,405
"I don't like to bother."
1116
00:54:43,488 --> 00:54:45,991
I said, "It's a hotel, goddammit."
1117
00:54:46,074 --> 00:54:47,492
[laughter]
1118
00:54:49,244 --> 00:54:50,078
It's a hotel, Mom,
1119
00:54:50,161 --> 00:54:52,831
it exists so that you don't have
to be bothered yourself."
1120
00:54:52,914 --> 00:54:55,125
"I didn't raise you
to treat others like that!"
1121
00:54:55,458 --> 00:54:56,876
[laughter]
1122
00:54:57,544 --> 00:54:59,713
She doesn't like to bother so much,
1123
00:54:59,796 --> 00:55:03,300
that the maid was cleaning up,
she said, "Girl, you don't have to!
1124
00:55:03,383 --> 00:55:04,843
[laughter]
1125
00:55:05,343 --> 00:55:07,679
You can--
Leave that sheet right there, girl!"
1126
00:55:09,139 --> 00:55:12,642
The maid was taking the wet towels--
"Don't, I'll just hang it to dry!"
1127
00:55:13,768 --> 00:55:15,145
"Mom--" She said, "I'm taking it!"
1128
00:55:15,228 --> 00:55:17,522
"You'll bother them worse
by asking for hot water.
1129
00:55:17,605 --> 00:55:21,234
They probably have hot coffee
ready to be served."
1130
00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:23,236
She said,
"I won't ask nothing from nobody."
1131
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:27,198
"You're making it with cold water?"
"No, I'll heat water in the micro-wave."
1132
00:55:28,033 --> 00:55:30,618
I said, "Did you bring
a microwave from home?"
1133
00:55:31,494 --> 00:55:34,164
She said, "Of course not.
There's one in the room."
1134
00:55:34,247 --> 00:55:36,875
-"Why do you have one, and I don't?"
-[laughter]
1135
00:55:36,958 --> 00:55:39,753
"Because I'm your mother!" And just left.
1136
00:55:40,837 --> 00:55:43,965
Like it was a great comeback.
Dropped the mic and left.
1137
00:55:44,716 --> 00:55:46,551
I went after her, "Mom, just ask for it."
1138
00:55:46,634 --> 00:55:48,845
"No, I'll take instant coffee."
I said, "No!"
1139
00:55:48,928 --> 00:55:51,848
"I'm taking it!" "But there's no need to!
1140
00:55:51,931 --> 00:55:53,558
Mom, you won't take it."
1141
00:55:53,641 --> 00:55:56,353
Next thing I know,
we're heading back with coffee.
1142
00:55:57,228 --> 00:55:59,022
I was pissed that I gave in.
1143
00:55:59,105 --> 00:56:00,482
"Why, Mom?" "I want to."
1144
00:56:00,565 --> 00:56:01,733
"Mom, there's no need--"
1145
00:56:02,525 --> 00:56:03,860
We kept bickering.
1146
00:56:03,943 --> 00:56:08,239
We got back and went to our rooms.
Aunt Cida-- Fuck her, nobody cares.
1147
00:56:08,323 --> 00:56:09,783
[laughter]
1148
00:56:11,451 --> 00:56:13,119
I was so pissed with Mom,
1149
00:56:13,203 --> 00:56:15,538
but I physically can't get to curse her,
you know?
1150
00:56:15,622 --> 00:56:18,208
I was like, "That f-- old lady!"
1151
00:56:18,291 --> 00:56:19,417
[laughter]
1152
00:56:19,709 --> 00:56:21,169
This vein here pops up.
1153
00:56:21,252 --> 00:56:23,421
"I'm gonna have a stroke
because of that old cu--
1154
00:56:24,005 --> 00:56:27,634
F-- that old frigging b--"
1155
00:56:27,717 --> 00:56:30,678
Half an hour later, I'm still,
"F-- that old c--"
1156
00:56:31,721 --> 00:56:34,682
Forty minutes later, I'm like,
"Let me go have coffee with her."
1157
00:56:34,766 --> 00:56:35,934
[laughter]
1158
00:56:36,017 --> 00:56:37,811
It's my mother, dammit. So what?
1159
00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:40,563
I knocked on the door, "Mom?"
1160
00:56:40,647 --> 00:56:42,857
She said,
"Want some coffee, son of a bitch?"
1161
00:56:42,941 --> 00:56:44,692
[laughter]
1162
00:56:52,325 --> 00:56:54,285
"How do you know?"
"You got out of my cunt."
1163
00:56:54,369 --> 00:56:55,829
[retches]
1164
00:56:55,912 --> 00:56:57,247
[laughter]
1165
00:56:57,997 --> 00:56:59,499
Too much info.
1166
00:56:59,582 --> 00:57:02,710
She said, "Shut up and fix us coffee."
I grabbed the instant coffee like,
1167
00:57:02,794 --> 00:57:04,671
"F-- old wh--
1168
00:57:05,380 --> 00:57:07,549
That darn stupid b--
1169
00:57:08,049 --> 00:57:11,010
Looking for the microwave
while Mom was like--
1170
00:57:12,178 --> 00:57:13,763
[laughter]
1171
00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:22,355
And I'm like, "Damn old c--
1172
00:57:23,731 --> 00:57:25,483
Son of a b--"
1173
00:57:34,576 --> 00:57:35,994
[laughter]
1174
00:57:37,954 --> 00:57:40,582
She said, "Are you high, Afonso?"
I was like, "What?"
1175
00:57:41,708 --> 00:57:44,544
"Hanging out too much
with Thiago Ventura, right?"
1176
00:57:44,627 --> 00:57:45,920
[laughter]
1177
00:57:46,004 --> 00:57:49,132
"I'm just looking for the microwave
to make us coffee."
1178
00:57:49,215 --> 00:57:50,800
"Open the door, you idiot."
1179
00:57:50,884 --> 00:57:52,469
I opened it. "There," she said.
1180
00:57:53,303 --> 00:57:54,762
I looked at it...
1181
00:57:55,930 --> 00:57:58,558
looked back at her
to see if she was fucking with me.
1182
00:57:58,641 --> 00:57:59,934
[laughter]
1183
00:58:00,351 --> 00:58:03,480
"This?" She said,
"If it was a snake, it would've bit you."
1184
00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:05,023
[laughter]
1185
00:58:05,523 --> 00:58:07,567
I said, "If it was a microwave...
1186
00:58:08,193 --> 00:58:10,278
it would've bit me too, but it's a safe."
1187
00:58:10,361 --> 00:58:12,405
[laughter]
1188
00:58:12,947 --> 00:58:15,617
Can you imagine? My mom...
1189
00:58:18,286 --> 00:58:20,914
mistook a safe for a microwave.
1190
00:58:20,997 --> 00:58:23,958
She was this close
to locking up a box of instant coffee.
1191
00:58:24,042 --> 00:58:25,293
[laughter]
1192
00:58:25,752 --> 00:58:27,253
She almost locked it,
1193
00:58:27,337 --> 00:58:31,257
and she would have typed in "130"--
not 1:30, because it's a safe--
1194
00:58:31,341 --> 00:58:32,509
and she would just wait.
1195
00:58:32,592 --> 00:58:35,053
Five minutes later,
she'd have thought she had broken it.
1196
00:58:35,803 --> 00:58:37,013
But she wouldn't say nothing,
1197
00:58:37,096 --> 00:58:40,266
'cause if the water is expensive,
imagine that little microwave.
1198
00:58:41,226 --> 00:58:43,436
She would tell me on our way back home.
1199
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,356
"I broke the hotel's little microwave.
1200
00:58:46,439 --> 00:58:47,941
[laughter]
1201
00:58:50,068 --> 00:58:51,319
I didn't tell them.
1202
00:58:51,402 --> 00:58:54,030
I won't sell my beach house
to pay them, Afonso."
1203
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:56,658
Do you realize what happened?
1204
00:58:56,741 --> 00:58:59,285
Imagine if I had complained
to the front desk,
1205
00:58:59,369 --> 00:59:01,663
"How come Mom has a microwave
and I don't?"
1206
00:59:01,746 --> 00:59:02,789
[laughter]
1207
00:59:03,665 --> 00:59:05,792
You know? Luckily, I didn't.
1208
00:59:05,875 --> 00:59:08,294
But I had a fit of laughter, everyone.
1209
00:59:08,378 --> 00:59:12,048
'Cause Mom-- And when I crack up,
I don't know about your mothers,
1210
00:59:12,131 --> 00:59:14,467
but the more Mom tells me to stop,
the more I laugh.
1211
00:59:14,551 --> 00:59:15,885
"Oh my God!"
1212
00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:18,555
"Stop laughing,
I'm going to give you a spanking."
1213
00:59:18,638 --> 00:59:21,474
"You're gonna hit me
with the microwave?" "Stop it!
1214
00:59:22,392 --> 00:59:24,561
Stop it, Afonso. Stop laughing."
1215
00:59:24,644 --> 00:59:28,481
And I'm like,
"God, you mistook it-- You--"
1216
00:59:28,856 --> 00:59:32,193
"Stop laughing!" And I crack up even more
1217
00:59:32,277 --> 00:59:34,529
every time she tells me to stop.
1218
00:59:34,612 --> 00:59:37,365
"But what's the point
of having a safe in the room?"
1219
00:59:37,448 --> 00:59:39,367
"To store expensive stuff."
1220
00:59:39,826 --> 00:59:41,911
"Oh, let me grab the water."
1221
00:59:41,995 --> 00:59:43,496
[laughter]
1222
00:59:44,080 --> 00:59:46,249
Who can blame her?
1223
00:59:51,087 --> 00:59:54,007
Three days later, we were leaving.
1224
00:59:54,090 --> 00:59:58,636
I had already checked out, Mom hadn't.
"Want help?" "I can handle it myself."
1225
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:00,847
She went to the front desk,
gave them her keycard.
1226
01:00:00,930 --> 01:00:02,724
"Have you consumed anything, ma'am?"
1227
01:00:02,807 --> 01:00:04,601
"No fucking way," she answered.
1228
01:00:04,684 --> 01:00:05,893
[laughter]
1229
01:00:05,977 --> 01:00:07,186
"Not even a bottle of water?"
1230
01:00:07,270 --> 01:00:09,731
"Only if I pulled money out of my ass."
1231
01:00:10,189 --> 01:00:11,733
"Not even a chocolate?"
1232
01:00:11,816 --> 01:00:14,986
"Hell no, it'd make me thirsty."
That's her being smart.
1233
01:00:16,112 --> 01:00:17,614
"It'd make me thirsty."
1234
01:00:18,990 --> 01:00:21,618
"Nothing? Alright then." Mom said, "Nope."
1235
01:00:21,701 --> 01:00:24,454
The guy picked up the radio,
"Consumption check, room 108."
1236
01:00:25,121 --> 01:00:28,041
My mom got possessed.
"Are you calling me a liar, sir?
1237
01:00:28,124 --> 01:00:29,459
[laughter]
1238
01:00:29,542 --> 01:00:31,294
Are you doubting me?
1239
01:00:31,377 --> 01:00:35,131
I'm poor but I'm honest.
I never stole nothing, just so you know."
1240
01:00:35,214 --> 01:00:38,051
Poor people say "just so you know."
"Just so you know...
1241
01:00:38,426 --> 01:00:42,138
I never stole anything.
Are you doubting me?"
1242
01:00:42,221 --> 01:00:44,098
I saw her and headed out.
1243
01:00:44,182 --> 01:00:46,392
"I'm too old
for this kind of embarrassment."
1244
01:00:47,226 --> 01:00:49,145
She kept screaming,
"I never stole anything,
1245
01:00:49,228 --> 01:00:52,315
I've worked for rich people,
I've been through a lot,
1246
01:00:52,398 --> 01:00:55,526
I cleaned the house of a politician
who made a fortune,
1247
01:00:55,610 --> 01:00:56,861
I never stole.
1248
01:00:56,944 --> 01:01:00,198
My kids had no mixture, no milk,
drank lemon balm tea,
1249
01:01:00,281 --> 01:01:01,491
and I never stole--
1250
01:01:01,574 --> 01:01:04,911
My boys are all grown up,
never messed with drugs.
1251
01:01:04,994 --> 01:01:07,747
Two of them smoke pot,
but I have nothing to do with it.
1252
01:01:07,830 --> 01:01:09,040
[laughter]
1253
01:01:09,123 --> 01:01:11,459
They're straight-up boys, I never stole--"
1254
01:01:11,542 --> 01:01:15,129
The guy was getting uncomfortable,
Mom wouldn't stop screaming,
1255
01:01:15,213 --> 01:01:18,508
Aunt Cida was somewhere nobody cares,
Mom kept freaking out--
1256
01:01:18,591 --> 01:01:22,637
The guy said, "It's standard procedure."
"Slender creature my ass!"
1257
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:25,682
He said, "Ma'am, calm down.
I'm just asking--"
1258
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:29,394
"You're doubting me!"
"No! I ask because the mini fridge
1259
01:01:29,477 --> 01:01:31,979
is a courtesy to Padilha's family."
1260
01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:34,065
[audience awws]
1261
01:01:34,148 --> 01:01:36,859
She reacted
exactly like you poor motherfuckers.
1262
01:01:37,318 --> 01:01:40,446
Exactly. As soon as he said it,
she was like, "Aww."
1263
01:01:41,489 --> 01:01:44,450
The front desk guy say, "Well, yeah."
1264
01:01:44,867 --> 01:01:45,868
Mom said,
1265
01:01:45,952 --> 01:01:48,621
"Lend me the keycard,
I think I forgot something."
1266
01:01:48,705 --> 01:01:49,706
[laughter]
1267
01:01:49,789 --> 01:01:52,834
Everyone, thank you so much.
My name is Afonso Padilha.
1268
01:01:53,835 --> 01:01:58,214
It was so, so great
to be here with you today.
1269
01:01:58,297 --> 01:02:01,008
Thank you so much for coming.
1270
01:02:01,092 --> 01:02:02,969
I can't say how happy I am.
1271
01:02:03,052 --> 01:02:04,345
Thank you so much.
1272
01:02:04,429 --> 01:02:06,347
Thanks for coming.
1273
01:02:06,431 --> 01:02:07,515
Thanks a lot.
1274
01:02:07,598 --> 01:02:09,225
[audience cheering]
1275
01:02:13,479 --> 01:02:16,482
[chorinho music plays]
1276
01:02:17,650 --> 01:02:19,610
[cheering continues]
1277
01:02:22,697 --> 01:02:24,699
Subtitle translation by Othelo Sabbag