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(birds cawing)
(clears throat)
- [Steve] In high school, I was extremely geeky.
(wacky music)
I desperately wanted a girlfriend.
But that was not gonna happen.
I was like Anthony Michael Hall in "Sixteen Candles" geeky.
Here's me tap dancing in the high school musical.
How did I think tap dancing
was somehow gonna get me laid?
Here's me pretending to be pregnant.
I used to show this video to girls.
Jesus, what was I thinking?
I was born here at the Grace Hospital.
I came out single,
and I'm still single.
I'm 42, I should be divorced by now.
I should be divorced and looking for wife number two,
the real love of my life.
Why didn't Amy want me?
Was it the cold sores?
I guess I've just never had good luck with women.
It sucks because all I've ever wanted is marriage.
People say, "She's out there."
Out there is a big place.
Where exactly is she?
Where is my wife?
(wacky music)
On Christmas, I proposed to Amy,
my girlfriend of four and a half years.
She said I never should have proposed on Christmas.
Is that a thing?
- What happened?
- Oh, man.
It was tough.
We were having a great Christmas.
(playful music)
Just laughing all day.
We made turkey and we were exchanging other gifts.
I wrote a song.
And it was, maybe it was a shitty song,
but I thought it was sweet.
And then after dinner,
I present this big gift.
And I open the top for her
and there's a little ring box in it,
and she was crying and I was crying.
And then I said some nice things about her
and then proposed.
And she said yes.
But then almost immediately,
the yes was followed by, just kind of a meltdown.
She tried the ring on and she said,
"It's a beautiful ring,
"but it doesn't look good on my finger.
"We're living in Vancouver.
"We're never gonna have sex.
"Why did you sing that lyric?
"Who else have you told?"
I said, "Well, other than your dad I called my brother.
"I wanted to share it with him."
She now felt, and these are her words,
that she felt trapped.
She felt that I had tricked her
basically, by telling somebody on each side of the family,
that I had kind of locked her into this thing.
And that she didn't really have a say or feel a part of it.
The next day, she finally said,
"You know, I know this isn't what you wanna hear,
"but I don't think this would be a good idea."
I'm shit.
I'm a worthless piece of shit.
I need to find my other half.
Why am I so eager to find my other half?
I don't even like the first half.
Fucking Christ.
(soft piano music)
- Okay, let's get back to marriage.
I'll just tell you very briefly
and you can edit it together.
The secret of a good marriage
is being willing to give in to the other person
part of the time.
Daddy comes home from work.
We sit down, we have a nice dinner.
We play ping-pong after diner.
We love one another.
We are still attracted to one another after all these years.
- Oh, ticked, ticked.
Well, as I tell everyone,
We have sex almost almost every night of the week.
Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday.
I've always said that laughter's the best medicine.
- But that was before Viagra. - That was before Viagra.
That's right.
You know, when it comes to marriage,
everyone's a little bit, kind of nervous.
Is this the right person?
How's it gonna work out?
I mean, are we gonna get along?
Are we gonna stay together for a lifetime?
One never knows, but as it turned out,
it's been a bliss for me
and I think for you too, right, honey?
- [Steve] 50 years ago, my parents went on a blind date
and that was that.
It just seemed so easy for them.
(upbeat music)
They honeymooned in Jamaica.
My dad filmed the whole thing.
He got footage of the Jewish cemetery
and every naked woman he could find.
But his heart beat for only one woman.
- Love you.
- Okay, good, are we done? - Okay.
- Yeah. - Yeah, okay.
- Okay, I'm gonna get dinner organized.
- And turn the furnace on. - I will.
I will. - That's the first thing
you have to do. - Honey.
- [Steve] This is what I want.
Someone who sticks around when life gets boring.
A wife to grow old with.
Someone to laugh at my jokes.
Just have to find her.
(upbeat music)
Internet dating blows ass.
I've hired a professional matchmaker to find me a wife.
- How would your friends describe you?
- I have no friends.
- Age-range wise?
- Maybe, I'm 42.
- I would say, like, 28 to 35 is maybe...
- Steve.
- Listen, I'm being honest with you.
Great, I blew it on the second question.
The matchmaker thinks I should be dating a woman my own age.
She sets me up with a playwright named Colleen.
- You're gonna do this the whole time, aren't you?
- [Steve] Hi, what's that?
- You're gonna do this the whole time?
- [Steve] Yeah, we're going to film the whole time.
Colleen invites me up to try her Indian cooking.
This is my first date since the breakup,
and it feels weird being in another woman's apartment.
- So, you've never had chana masala before?
- [Steve] I don't know what you're saying.
- Chana masala.
- I don't know what word that is.
- This is my dog! - Oh, look at that...
You've got a cute little guy here.
(gentle music)
Dating is the worst.
As soon as you call it a date, it makes everything awkward.
So what shows did you have at the Fringe Fest?
- Okay, okay, okay.
Well, I did have other plays picked for festivals
that were actually chosen when I first started.
So, it wasn't just like randomness.
Like, people thought I was maybe okay, or talented.
But then I wanted, I had an obsession with poo for ever.
Like, I used to have a Hotmail account called Fecal Fanatic.
- [Steve] I'm not sure Colleen is my type.
I don't mind her obsession with feces,
I just prefer a woman with longer hair.
The problem with the matchmaker
is she's only gonna set me up with her other clients.
It's me and a bunch of other rejects cross-pollinating.
I wonder if Kate is single?
I'm on my way to visit Kate,
an old acquaintance I haven't seen in years.
Kate is a gifted artist and I've always had a thing for her.
So, I sent her a text asking if I can shoot
a little documentary about her art.
- [Kate] Oh my God, this is such a fancy car.
You got a Mustang?
- Well I did that for you.
(laughs) I did that for you.
How are you?
Are we gonna...
- I'm good. - It's nice to see you.
- Have you read Mia Farrow's biography?
- No, but I think Mia Farrow's a little kooky.
Our conversation turns to pedophilia,
spousal abuse and suicide.
But all I can focus on is how nice it feels
to have Kate touch my shoulder.
It's the most action I've gotten in months
and I've been craving human contact.
If Kate was a black teen in a hoodie,
the cops would shoot her dead.
But no one seems to mind a beautiful woman with a spray can.
I try to think of questions to ask Kate,
but I can't think of any.
(chuckles)
She's figured out I have a crush.
What a smile.
(laughs)
- There you go. - I love Kate, Steve Markle.
There it is.
Just as I would have written it if I had the guts.
(laughs)
- Just call me mind reader.
(laughs) - Yeah.
(stately music)
Kate's art is fantastic.
She blends fine detail with broad strokes.
Gold and red, elements of fantasy, astrology, and sexuality.
I think of Kate as being carefree and confident,
but the faces she depicts are so full of anguish.
They have sad eyes or no eyes at all.
Does the work usually end up
as you originally envisioned it in your mind?
- No.
I wanna say I let go of expectations a long time ago.
I think that's the benefit of having just done it
for so long, is that I realize
that it takes on a life of its own
and it goes where it wants to go,
and the muse inspires you
and drags you this way and that way...
- [Steve] I'd like to be naked with Kate
in the produce section of Ralph's.
I was 13 when I lost my virginity to a pillow.
Whatever happened to that pillow?
I think mom gave it to Goodwill.
Lately my urine has been coming out in two streams.
Do I need a doctor?
I miss playing the piano for Amy.
I was good at the romantic stuff.
Planning vacations, spoiling her with gifts.
But I wasn't as good at the important stuff,
just being present and listening.
How do I expect to make a genuine connection
if I don't listen?
- And I suddenly realize that the pockmark
was bigger than me!
(laughs)
- [Steve] Luckily, Kate enjoys my company
and we continue making plans.
Today we're at Zuma Beach in Malibu.
I'm not crazy about the outdoors,
but I'm not crazy about the indoors, either.
I'd like to think Kate's flirting with me,
but I'm pretty sure she's just flirting with my camera.
God, she's sexy.
I've decided today I'm gonna try to kiss Kate.
(laughs)
She won't be expecting it or wanting it,
but I believe my sudden display of confidence
will awaken a repressed passion for me.
You think women are more beautiful than men?
- I think it always just depends.
It always depends on the woman and the guy.
But then you're asking a bi girl, so (laughs).
There's probably an inherent bias right there.
Who knows?
If I fall in love with a woman
and spend the rest of my life with her,
then maybe I'll identify as lesbian.
- [Steve] I've decided not to try to kiss Kate.
Now I know she's bi, which instantly cuts my odds in 1/2.
But more than that, I can't handle rejection right now.
Rejection is death.
Best to avoid it.
(upbeat music)
I should have tried to kiss Kate.
I flew five hours to see her!
Why would I just sit there hiding behind my camera?
Now I'll never know.
I don't think my wife is in L.A.
I'm gonna try my luck in New York.
My opener with Kate worked like a charm.
Can I shoot a documentary about your art?
That's a good icebreaker.
I need to ask other women to be in this documentary.
What is this documentary?
I'm not sure.
But, if I keep focusing my camera on interesting women,
I just might connect with one.
I spot a beautiful woman on the street
and go in for the approach.
Oh, hello, I'm Steve.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
- [Jade] No, it's okay.
- [Steve] I've been working on this project.
Basically, the idea is that I want to meet with
as many interesting women as I can find.
(laughs)
She agrees to be interviewed for my documentary.
But instead of asking questions,
I start rambling on about the failed marriage proposal.
Sometimes she'd drop a hint, what kind of ring she wanted.
I was afraid of being alone again.
And her main thing about the proposal,
she said, "Who was the proposal for?"
Like she didn't feel like it was for her.
She felt like she was watching someone else's proposal.
I'm a romantic, I thought fuck it--
- I love that.
When's your birthday, what are you?
- [Steve] October 9th.
I just thought-- - Libra.
- [Steve] You know, I think really,
she was the wrong person to surprise.
And I really got her gut reaction,
which is, I don't want this.
Finally, after the breakup, you're being brutally,
you're saying all the things you should have said.
- Yes.
- [Steve] She said, "What if I proposed to you?"
That's the irony of the breakup.
I never felt that she was really in the relationship
as much as I wanted her to be.
- Yeah, no.
I mean, I think, yeah.
I mean...
- [Steve] I was trying, in my awkward way,
I was asking you if you wanted to,
like, go get a drink or to eat something,
a slice of pizza or just...
- I am, oh my God.
I have a long list of things.
I just got back in town.
- What did I expect?
All I did was talk about myself for two hours.
I surf around for interesting New York women.
She's a hat maker named Heidi Lee.
And wow.
Those are incredible tee-shirt breasts.
It's a doc about women.
Would you like to be in it?
We could talk about hats.
- [Heidi] Yeah.
- [Steve] Is that her?
She's wearing some kind of space-age outfit.
(electronic music)
Hello, Heidi Lee.
- Hello.
- [Steve] Heidi is awkward like me.
We've barely spoken and now for some reason
she begins twirling.
Heidi invites me up to her apartment.
Her place is tiny and there's shit everywhere.
- [Heidi] I found this in the gutter.
Isn't this amazing?
Woo!
- [Steve] You think this hat could do good things for me?
- [Heidi] It will magnetize you to good people
and bring good karma.
- [Steve] What do you got on top of your head?
What is that exactly?
- I tried to pick out the strangest things
that really, like, spoke to me.
These are all plastic plants.
So I just searched all throughout the city
to kind of find weird things like this.
Giddy-up!
Do you wanna ask any questions?
(chuckles)
- [Steve] So why do you like hats, Heidi Lee?
- I think they help you, like, think things out loud.
(gentle flute music)
(chuckles)
- [Steve] Even as a kid Heidi had a thing for hats.
Heidi says that an eye-catching hat
can spark conversation and bring people together.
Have you been in love?
- Yeah, for sure.
I've definitely been, had first love before.
And it was really wonderful.
I think that that's a question I wanna ask you.
Have you ever had first love, or true love,
or like, love at first sight?
Do you have any...
- [Steve] I don't know if I've had love at first sight.
I've had lust at first sight.
(chuckles)
- Yeah, that's funny.
- [Steve] But I've been in love, sure.
I don't know if I've met my person yet.
What do you call this hat?
- This is called the Body Electric Hat.
And it glows in the dark.
(ominous music)
- [Steve] And what do you call this hat?
- This is called the Atomic Universe Hat.
- [Steve] So, Heidi Lee, what can you teach me
about women and relationships?
- Women and relationships?
I would say that they're very complicated,
in and of themselves.
I mean, I'm a woman but I think a lot of times
I try to think outside of the the scope
of just me being a woman, but me being a human.
And maybe you should think of human
instead of women in relationships.
You know, 'cause everyone is a human?
And we're all on this planet earth,
but it's more like a spaceship
and we're all really aliens.
(chuckles)
- In photos, Amy was always crouching down
to be shorter than me.
I'm only an inch-and-a-half shorter,
but in the end I think it destroyed our relationship.
Why would I propose if I wasn't sure it was what she wanted?
Or what I wanted?
I stayed with her because I was afraid to be alone.
Pathetic.
But there were good times.
In Mexico we went to the aquarium and saw the turtles.
Who's a little turtle?
Was that actual fun, or was I just trying
to manufacture romance between two people
who didn't belong together?
Stop drifting.
Listen to Heidi Lee, she's wise.
And don't leave without trying for a kiss.
Do you consider yourself a feminist?
- Well, I'm female, so, I think it's just naturally,
I think if you're a woman, you're a feminist.
This is the Luck Lock Hat
and then this is the Love Lock Hat.
- [Steve] One locks the luck in
and the other locks the love in?
- Yeah, it's like you gotta have...
You gotta have luck and you gotta have love.
- I feel like wearing the luck hat,
like I wanna test the luck.
- Yeah.
(chuckles)
- I feel like I just want to give you a little kiss.
- Is this supposed to be for the camera kind of thing?
- No, I can turn the camera off.
- I don't know.
I just feel weird about that.
- Okay. - Yeah.
(gentle flute music) - Oh, come on.
She gave me her lucky hat.
I thought she was flirting.
I'm too eager.
Or is my breath bad?
We were having fun and now I've made everything awkward.
I need to leave.
All the great romantic comedies are set in New York.
Real life is no romantic comedy.
It's a Stephen King novel.
I have no sex life.
I don't even have a masturbation life.
When I do meet someone, I'm gonna be very out of practice
in the sack.
I could use some guidance.
I have never been to a sex club, so I'm very excited.
- [Jana] Okay.
- I'm on my way to get lovemaking advice
from the owner of a sex club called Oasis.
Amy and I didn't have very good sexual chemistry.
Sex is important.
Even mom and dad still have sex every Saturday.
It's 4:00 a.m.
No one around but us and the cleaning staff.
Is there a piece of advice you can give me
to be a better lover?
- Well, I don't know how good a lover you are!
So, it's hard to tell.
But, in general, I would just say,
be loving, be caring.
Pay attention to what a woman wants.
If she wants to be touched gently, or if she wants it rough.
- [Steve] What's the craziest thing
you've seen happen at the club?
(chuckles)
- Here we go again.
Oh my God.
Squirting, fetish stuff, tied up, spanking.
20 guys with one woman.
It might be different for me,
but it's absolutely normal for people who are doing that.
So, asking me what's the craziest thing I've seen,
it's not really the right thing
because my judgment, it's irrelevant.
- [Steve] I've decided to go back to the sex club,
this time during business hours.
I wanna see what goes on at Oasis,
maybe unleash my inner swinger.
- Hi guys, how are you?. - Hey.
- [Greeter] Just to let you know,
you can't actually film in here.
- [Steve] Okay, no problem.
No cameras allowed, but don't worry.
My friend is on a mission to get footage.
And I'm on a mission to get action.
- [Greeter] You can have sex anywhere in the club.
If you're in the pool, please try not to finish.
At the top is your locker room, and your dungeon.
- Do I have to take my clothes off?
- No. - I don't have to--
- [Greeter] You don't have to take clothes off, no.
- Okay, so $50.
First, I hit the courtyard.
There's no one here.
One naked man.
I see another naked man chatting up two women.
And here comes another threesome,
a naked man with two naked women.
It doesn't seem fair that one man
should have two naked women
when other men have no naked women.
Probably something to do with the shrinking middle class.
Is it rude to approach a naked woman if I'm not also naked?
I strip down to my underwear.
Then the underwear goes, too.
I adjust my penis and go in for the approach.
Hey, how are you?
I'm Steve.
- Good.
- It's nice to meet you. - I'm Miss F.
- Hey, cold seats.
- Yeah. - Very cold.
The angel senses my nervousness and flutters away.
Now, the naked man is moving closer.
Great, this is my worst nightmare.
Small talk with a naked man.
I escape into the pool.
Then I hit the hot tub, where a nice man massages my neck.
Amazing.
Outside the hot tub, something catches my ear.
(moaning)
I follow the sound upstairs.
This is my chance to get in on some hot sex.
(moaning)
Nothing on the second floor,
but the moans are getting louder.
(moaning)
Clearly a woman is either having sex or a baby.
On the third floor, a pole dancer.
But where are those moans coming from?
And then, at the end of the hall, I see it.
A real, honest to God orgy.
(moaning)
I've been fantasizing about orgies since my bar mitzvah.
But now that I'm actually seeing one,
(moaning)
I'm not good at multi-tasking.
(moaning)
This isn't for me.
I don't want fun and excitement.
I want marriage.
In third grade I had my first crush.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Lisa Messinger.
I tracked down Lisa in suburbia
and we've arranged to see each other after 35 years.
- [Announcer] Your destination is on the right.
- [Steve] Lisa's married now, but I've always wondered
if my crush on her was mutual.
And what a life with Lisa Messinger might have looked like.
(soft music)
- [Lisa] You're already filming!
(chuckles)
Hi, Lisa Messinger. - You're right on time!
Hi, how are you? - I think I'm early.
- [Lisa] No, I think you're right on time.
- I'm right on time, I'm just excited to see you.
- Oh my goodness, you okay with cats?
- [Steve] Yeah, yeah.
Two cats?
- Two, you know what, these are my babies.
- One more cat and you would be insane.
- I love you.
- This is a real house.
There's a kitchen and a backyard.
- [Lisa] Yup, yup.
- There's apples.
- [Lisa] Yup.
Now I wish I'd had you - Kids' stuff.
- Come when my kids were here.
- Bubbles.
I would have liked to have met your kids.
- Well, Jason's autistic. - Oh, thanks.
- So that's a whole...
- I know there's a huge spectrum of autistic.
Where is he on the spectrum?
- Someone wants attention.
- You're not gonna have a water, too?
- Do you need me to?
- I thought you were...
- No, it was more for you. - Okay, thank you.
- Yes, yes!
- [Steve] Is it challenging having a son with autism?
- It's...
It's, yeah.
It's hell, really, is what it is.
And, you know, I'm not one of those people
who are like, "Oh the lord gave me what I could handle
"and it was for a reason" and no.
It's like, this is, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
The Tourette's came a few years later,
when he started making all those sounds.
He is not from this planet.
Screaming all the time.
Just screaming.
Anxiety, OCD, aggression, ADHD.
He's hyper as well and can't focus.
- [Steve] Your son has all of these things?
- All of them.
All of them.
Oh, someone's here.
(doorbell ringing)
- [Steve] Are you expecting somebody?
- [Lisa] Maybe it's a delivery?
- [Kid] When's the last time
you had your driveway sealed, ma'am?
- Yeah, no, never.
Do you have a quote?
So, I wonder if we had gotten together
and had kids if our kids would be autistic,
or if it was just my husband's fault?
'cause you're strange.
- I'm strange.
I would not have helped. - And you're quiet.
- My genetics would not have helped.
- Yeah.
Right, 'cause you're a quiet one.
And a quirky one.
So, like, I wonder, yeah.
Was it me and my husband,
or would I have always been destined to have that?
- [Steve] There's only one way to find out, Lisa.
(laughs)
- I didn't know you had a crush on me. And...
- [Steve] Did you...
- Yes?
- [Steve] You didn't have a crush on me?
- No (chuckles).
- No. - No.
- [Steve] It's amazing that you were such a big part
of my childhood experience and yet that was all in my head.
- Yeah.
It was.
It really was.
- [Steve] How's marriage working out?
- It's tough, after years and years and years,
to keep attraction there.
I just don't have the desire anymore.
Now, I've been on antidepressants for a long time,
so that could, so chemically...
- [Steve] So you think a lot of women
are having sex with their husbands or boyfriends
just because they feel like they they need to.
- Yes.
I know it.
- [Steve] So, if it were up to you.
You know, once a year?
- Yeah.
Maybe, yeah.
- [Steve] Sex once a year.
I see my dentist more often.
In third grade Lisa was such a smiley kid.
Is this what marriage looks like?
I always figured the grass was greener on the other side.
Maybe the grass is dead on both sides?
Against all logic, I still want marriage.
I want my own wife to never have sex with.
And until I find a wife,
I'll take affection where I can get it.
Tonight, I'm paying a woman to spoon me.
(soft music)
Her name is Goddess.
She's a former escort turned spiritual healer.
On her website, Goddess offers everything
from a bathing ceremony, to a prostate massage.
I've booked an appointment for a 60-minute cuddle.
We settle into Goddess' sanctuary
and get to know each other.
What kind of a stretch is this?
- This is just, no stretch.
This is just seated.
I was not looking to awaken or arouse kundalini.
Goddess tells me about the time
she experienced a divine orgasm.
- I was able to take just enough
because it ended up lasting six hours and so I--
- [Steve] You had a six-hour orgasm?
- Yeah, I did.
I thought I was having a heart attack.
That was my first thought.
Within about a minute, everything exploded inside of me.
And it was in ripples.
And it was just coming out of me,
expanding into the vast cosmos.
Just pure heaven.
Pure nirvana.
(sighs)
- [Steve] After the orgasm, Goddess transitioned
from sex work to her spiritual practice.
Do you have sex with your...
I keep wanting to use the word clients.
(laughs)
Correct me one more time?
- Seekers. - Seekers.
- Seekers, Steve. - They're not clients.
they're seekers.
Do you have sex with your seekers?
- Very rarely.
Yeah.
It is...
- [Steve] So, what is a circumstance
when it would lead to sex?
(sighs)
It would be a situation where,
number one, it's consensual.
Secondly, where there was a connection
where we wanted to explore.
- [Steve] Power went out.
- Oh, my gosh.
- [Steve] How come?
Should I be frightened?
- No.
- [Steve] Is this a...
- This is the safest place to be.
Okay, now I'm gonna tell you something.
Are you still shooting?
- [Steve] Yeah.
- Okay, part of what happened (giggles)
with my kundalini is because my body's rewired, right?
I have developed these other psychic abilities
and one of them is I tend to blow out...
- You blow out fuses. - Fuses, yeah.
- We light some candles,
then settle in for our cuddle.
Okay, like this?
- Yeah.
Just get comfy.
I just want you to close your eyes.
And just breathe.
Just relax.
Relax.
Yeah, better.
(soft music)
- [Steve] What the hell am I doing here?
I shouldn't have to pay for a cuddle.
I have things to offer a woman.
On the piano I play the entire Billy Joel songbook,
except "We Didn't Start The Fire."
I'd like to find a woman who knows how to sing.
Or cook.
A Christian woman who knows how to glaze a ham.
(phone ringing)
Where is she?
- [Lauren] Hey, you've reached Lauren.
I can't come to the phone right...
Get back to you, thanks.
- Hey, Lauren-- - At the tone,
please record your message.
When you finish recording you may hang up,
or press one for more options.
- Hey, Lauren.
My name is Steve Markle, I'm a filmmaker.
(clears throat) Excuse me.
I reach out to random women on the internet
asking them to be in my documentary.
I film with a model.
Are you single, do you date?
- No, I have a boyfriend.
- [Steve] Hi, Lauren.
I fly to Boston to film with a heart transplant recipient.
- I'm Lauren, nice to meet you.
- [Steve] How are you?
She was reading my file and she's like, "Wow."
She's like, "Your heart started all by itself."
They didn't have to do anything.
Like, right when they put it in,
the heart started by itself.
- [Steve] I mean, that is a miracle.
- I'm like, "That's obviously a perfect fit."
- [Steve] What qualities are you looking for in a man?
- Well, I do have a boyfriend.
- This documentary has become an obsession.
Would you like to be in my documentary about women?
(gentle flute music)
I film with a fire spinner named Natalie
and a firefighter named January.
What are you doing Thursday night?
- [January] Thursday night...
- I'll just keep going through the days of the week.
(laughs)
- I actually, you should see my schedule.
- [Steve] I film with a jazz trumpeter,
a shoe cobbler, a rabbi, a butcher, a road racer,
an aerial dancer, and a massage therapist turned pilot.
- It is very gusty today.
- [Steve] I film with a French wrestler
and an English photographer.
- So, are you gonna ask me anything about film
and photography? Yes.
(chainsaw roaring)
- I film with a lumberjack who brings out my masculine side.
I made a little chip there.
- You have very feminine hands.
- And I film with a dominatrix
who brings out my feminine side.
It still really hurts but...
- You know, time heals all wounds.
- Right.
How is dressing like a woman gonna help me find one?
Amy would have hated this hat.
Everything I did embarrassed her.
Heidi Lee wants me to model some of her hats
for a photo shoot.
So, I'm heading back to New York.
And this time?
No awkward sexual advances.
You comfortable being naked?
- Why not?
(chuckles)
That's what I say.
- [Steve] I like having Heidi Lee as a friend.
And it feels nice to have a paint brush on my penis.
(soft music)
On a break from our photo shoot,
Heidi Lee and I goof around in our makeup.
Amy always used to say, "Why are you so weird?
"Just be normal."
Why would anyone wanna be normal?
Seriously, what kind of an asshole wants to be normal?
I need to find someone like Heidi Lee,
a free spirit, an artist.
Someone who doesn't know the word weird.
Someone who accepts me for who I am.
I'm heading to Washington to film
with the gun-rights lobbyist.
I saw this picture online.
I can't stand guns, but this lobbyist has nice hair.
And there is something lovely about a woman
who knows how to shoot a man in the face.
This is good.
Hopping around from city to city
to meet a complete stranger.
I've got no one to answer to.
I think I like being single!
Gun-rights lobbyist agreed to meet me
at a fountain across from Capitol Hill and where is she?
We said two, it's almost 2:30.
Three.
3:30.
I am definitely being stood up.
Being single is the worst.
I don't deserve a woman.
At four o'clock, the gun-rights lobbyist
shoots down our plans.
(gunshots blaring)
(soft music)
I roam Washington in search of a woman.
The best I find is a nude statue
outside the Library Of Congress.
Is it wrong to be a attracted to a nude statue?
I wonder if I'll ever be in love again.
(upbeat drum music)
A writer named Erin Wotherspoon has been going on dates
for the free dinners, then writing about it in her blog.
Doesn't seem that outrageous to me,
but it's creating an uproar on the internet.
Commenters around the world are calling her a dinner-digger,
a dinner witch, a female pickup artist and a sociopath.
Doesn't look like a sociopath.
(soft music)
I think her blog is funny and she looks really sweet.
Or maybe I don't see it because we're one and the same.
She's using men for meals,
I'm using a movie for marriage.
- [Erin] For the first month or so,
I'm just gonna be working from home.
- Can we do the interview in your home?
Erin, the writer, has agreed to be in my documentary.
Her one request is that we not talk about the blog.
She says the blog was a writing stunt
and she's taken it down.
Lately, Erin's been cooped up finishing her first novel.
(soft music)
She's cute, and she owns a menorah.
Or did she just put that out for me?
Erin Wotherspoon.
- Hello.
- [Steve] Let's start from the very beginning.
- My age of birth?
(laughs) - Yeah, okay.
Would you like to say your your age and...
- Sure. - Okay, go ahead.
- I was born September 29th, 1989, in Toronto.
- [Steve] Are you happy, Erin?
On a scale of one to 10, how happy are you?
- Right now, I'm in a much happier place
than I was a couple months ago.
I'm probably...
- [Steve] Well, what happened a couple months ago?
- I went through a breakup and then I decided that--
- [Steve] How long was that relationship?
- It was a year.
It was exactly a year.
- [Steve] What was that man's name?
- His name's Ryan.
- [Steve] Oh, this is your tattoo?
- Yeah.
Right here.
- [Steve] Well, it's a nice-looking tattoo.
- It's handwriting.
- [Steve] It just has the wrong name on it.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- [Steve] Well, what's the craziest thing you've ever done?
- The craziest?
One of them, I stole from the Vatican.
- [Steve] What are you most grateful for?
You believe in God?
You wanna be buried or cremated?
- I'm most grateful for my family.
I don't believe in God.
Cremated.
- [Steve] Yeah, me too.
- Yeah, I don't like the whole, yeah, being buried thing.
- [Steve] And if you're cool with it,
I don't know if this is, you know,
too much too soon kinda thing,
but I would like our ashes to be mixed together.
Have I said something wrong?
(laughs)
Is anything missing from your life?
- Well, I mean, I don't have a boyfriend.
I guess I have a boyfriend missing from my life.
But I'm not, like, you know,
I don't really want one right now.
(soft music)
- [Steve] Maybe I could be the boyfriend Erin doesn't want.
She's close with her family.
And that smile.
I'd like to have a pillow fight with Erin.
That tattoo is unfortunate,
but we've all made mistakes.
I was gonna marry the wrong woman, have kids with her.
A tattoo you can laser off.
Wife and kids?
You can't laser your wife and kids.
You look for guys on the computer?
- I don't do online dating.
I mean, I joined Tinder.
All the guys who like me and wanna spend time with me,
I'm not willing to find time for them.
But then the two guys that I actually like
seem so busy all the time.
So, it's like, I don't know.
- [Steve] You only want the guys that aren't interested.
- Yeah.
Right now, yeah.
- I mean, that's human nature.
That we want
what we can't have. - I guess so.
Yup.
Yeah.
- [Steve] Do you wanna go for dinner?
- Do I wanna go for dinner?
- [Steve] Yeah.
(soft music)
- [Erin] Ravioli stuffed with duck confit.
- [Steve] You'd like to eat a duck, huh?
- Yeah, I do.
Yeah.
- [Steve] I like her.
There's an age difference.
She's 24, I'm 42.
Wouldn't she be prefer someone from her own millennium?
Last night was fun.
But was that a date?
Or was Erin just using me for her blog?
But she took the blog down.
Is there a new blog?
There must be a new blog.
A text from Erin.
When do I text back?
An hour?
A month?
Erin and I go for martinis,
and we make plans to meet up again.
Train's comin'!
She tells me about her fear of robots.
I tell her I hate children.
I show Erin my hernia scar.
But then...
Hey with four Ys.
The breakup text.
Erin feels weird and I get it.
I should be looking for someone my own age.
A woman with arthritis.
Fucking hell.
(phone ringing)
- Good morning, Gastro Group.
- [Steve] Blood in the stool.
I'm sure it's nothing.
Probably just cancer.
And I had my wisdom teeth out.
I had a hernia.
- [Doctor] And you move your bowels every day?
- Just make a fist for me.
- If you have larger polyps,
I do cauterize as I cut them out.
- Some week this is shaping up to be.
First a punch to the heart.
Now, a six-foot tube up the ass.
That hurts in my right arm.
Is that normal?
- [Doctor] Yes.
- It hurts in my right arm.
Yeah, it's burning, it's burning.
It's burning.
Oh, you're getting right in there.
(groaning)
- It's great.
We're gonna take him out to the recovery area.
We went all the way around.
There were no polyps.
It was perfectly clean.
The idea is that we know the genetics of these polyps
and from the...
- The doctors have given me 50 years,
possibly longer if I take a multi-vitamin.
Okay, so no bowel cancer.
It's the loneliness that's gonna kill me.
When is this happening?
- [Kia] It's next Friday evening.
- [Steve] It's Friday night and I'm gonna film
a women's workshop called
Unleash Your Inner Geisha: The Art Of Receiving.
I don't know what to expect but who knows?
Maybe my wife will be there.
The workshop begins with a demonstration of sexual massage.
(moaning)
I skipped Shabbat for this.
Mom made her cabbage borscht.
- I need to stop just for a moment.
I wanna kinda get more on the same page.
(chuckles)
You know your body.
How can you kind of meet me?
Can we maybe...
Can we hug, actually?
I would love to hug, and then I'll let you continue
with whatever you were going to do.
Hi.
I missed your face.
Can we just hug just to connect?
And ground, please.
Thank you.
I would just love to be still with you, and feel you.
- [Steve] The art of receiving.
Okay, I think I get it.
It's about telling your partner what you need.
I was a real pansy with Amy.
I tried so hard to please her,
I forgot that I have needs too.
I gotta work on that.
After the demonstration, the women sit around
talking about it.
- I learned so, so much from it
and I'm so grateful to both of you for...
It was just, I mean wow, you know?
Wow.
- It was really a gift, thank you.
- I could feel in me this huge expansion.
- But my thing is, how do we get different partners
to just flow, click, connect, without the bullshit?
- Well, we could do a whole evening just on that.
Answering that one question.
- Well, I was just going to say that, Victoria.
Like, that's what we're all, I mean,
that's part of why we're all in this room.
'cause in our own ways,
we're all trying to answer that question.
We all have...
We're all searching for that.
- What I was seeing was a lot of confusion
around dominance and submission.
- He wasn't in a place where I felt like I can let go.
So, then I had to step in.
So it wasn't 'cause I was confused.
- No, no, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that. - Oh, okay.
- No, not at all.
No, no, I didn't mean that at all.
- [Kia] So go ahead.
- Yeah, yeah, no.
Just, that in...
- Energetically. - Energetically, right.
So, I believe it is absolutely possible
to be surrendered and still be the dominant.
Like you can be receiving.
It's all about me.
It's about what's happening in me.
What I'm giving to you is myself.
(chanting)
- [Steve] Amy made me feel pretty shitty about myself.
Always undercutting me with subtle, little jabs.
Wanting me to be taller, less quirky, more successful.
I stayed with her
because when someone consistently tells you
you're not good enough, you start to believe 'em.
I figured the person I'm with is the person I deserve.
I really lost myself in that relationship.
- [Woman] Were you on full moon menses?
- Yeah.
- [Steve] The workshop is followed by light snacks.
There's a cute woman.
I've had my eyes on her all night.
I try to seduce her with a vibrating bowl
but she leaves before I can even get her name.
Being single is absolute hell.
- [Woman] Can I ruffle your hair while you're doing that?
- Okay.
- [Woman] See if you can focus.
- All right.
Oh my God, that's fantastic.
Okay, she's not the woman I had my eyes on.
But the tickling is nice.
The thing is, she told me what ring to buy.
A thin platinum band with a big rock.
A big rock, that's disgusting.
She wanted the ring but she didn't want me.
And the store would not take it back.
What the hell am I gonna do with a diamond ring?
- I, Russell Oliver, give you more cash than anyone else!
I am the Cash Man!
Oh, yeah!
- [Steve] Why do we have to buy a diamond to show our love?
Couldn't I have just slaughtered a cow
or chopped off one of my nuts or something?
Whatever the Cash Man offers me, I'll take it.
I never wanna see that ring again.
- Ideally, I'd like to pay two,
but it may be a little bit low compared to what you paid.
I don't know what would make you happy,
but, we wanna make our customers happy
so I wanna give you as much as I can
and still make some money.
I gave my wife a heart shape,
'cause I got married on Valentine's Day.
So, I made it romantic, you see, and she liked that.
Oh, that sealed the deal for me.
- My girlfriend said, I proposed on Christmas.
She said, "You don't propose on Christmas."
Is that true, you don't propose...
- Yeah, you don't.
What she's looking at is the materialistic side of it.
You see, you don't propose on Christmas
because you're trying to save a Christmas present.
Was that my motive?
I wanted to be romantic which is why I did Valentine's Day,
but it did occur to me, in the back of my,
if I'm being honest, my subconscious did say,
"You know it's one gift from now on Valentine's Day."
But I have to tell you,
I did sell my wife's engagement ring too, by the way.
I sold it for different reasons.
I needed money at one point
and I sold her heart-shaped diamond,
which she was not happy about.
- How do you know when you've found the right woman?
- Well, in my opinion, there really is no such thing
as the right woman.
But she was the rightest, as opposed to the wrongest.
- [Steve] So you're saying, they're all wrong?
- They're all wrong.
- [Steve] I go to a party and pretend to like parties.
Meet a singer and ask her to be in the documentary.
Hanifa.
- Yes.
- What does it mean?
- It means true believer, and communicating with the stars.
- [Steve] Look at those nails.
Unbelievable.
- All natural too. - Is that true, are they?
- Yeah.
No, yeah, I don't believe in putting--
- [Steve] Wait, can, can you hold them right up to the lens.
- Yeah, I don't believe--
- [Steve] Hold them as close as you can.
Get right in there.
Let me get a focus on these nails.
What are you looking for in a man?
- Looking for, you know when you're younger
you have like, you write it down,
like I want a guy like this and that
and I actually still have that diary when I was little,
and I wrote down like the kind of man that I wanted.
- [Steve] Well, what did you write down?
- Well, I think I didn't describe him to the tee,
but I remember one of the things I wanted
was a guy that was spiritual.
So, you don't have to be religious
but just really in touch with yourself.
- [Steve] What about a long schlong?
Was it on the list?
- That wasn't on the list when I was younger
'cause I didn't know what that was.
- [Steve] It's on the list now, you added it later.
- I don't know, it shouldn't be little,
so, I'll tell you that much.
It should be a good size.
I think we all speculate
what the other person's thinking or feeling,
and I think if you could do somebody a favor,
like a gift you could give your partner, communication.
How we live, where we live.
How are we gonna raise our kids?
Like, those conversations should happen before,
not after you're in love and you have a baby.
What if the other person has a different way of everything?
- [Steve] At a certain point, if you love each other,
and you share similar values, that's it.
At some point you just gotta leap in.
- That's not enough.
- [Steve] Not enough.
- It's not.
There's a conversation.
- My ex is gonna love watching this.
She's gonna love watching this.
Because I was always of the mind that,
we'll figure it out. - No.
- [Steve] As long as the big picture is in place
that we love each other, the details will--
- We can figure out what we're having for dinner.
Your ex-girlfriend is right.
You need to talk about those things,
like how do you wanna raise your children?
- [Steve] Will you please stop saying
that my ex-girlfriend was right?
- She was right.
(soft music)
- Yesterday, Amy showed up at my door.
I hadn't seen her in months.
She tells me she made a mistake.
That she does wanna get married.
Is there any way I can still marry Amy?
It's just, we've built all those memories together.
That all-inclusive was fun, with the unheated pool.
The hula hoop dancer.
The thing is, I like to dance like an idiot.
Amy wants a strapping man.
My kids are all gonna have peanut allergies
and a fear of sports.
We're different people.
Amy believes in pet psychics and ghosts.
I can't build a life with someone who believes in ghosts.
I told Amy I've moved on.
Falling out of love is hard work.
But I've done it.
Goodbye, Amy.
Is it unethical?
Using a documentary to meet women?
When I started down this path, it seemed harmless,
but now I'm not so sure.
I'll film with one more woman.
One more.
(upbeat music)
She's a tattoo artist named Danielle.
She already owns a wedding gown.
There's a savings there.
I check Danielle's profile page for signs of a boyfriend.
Hard to say for sure but she looks single.
I send her a message and hope for the best.
Yeah, I wanted to tell you about this movie.
- [Danielle] Okay.
(dramatic music)
- [Steve] Danielle's client is also named Danielle.
She's already mentioned a boyfriend.
Which tattoo number is this?
- This is tattoo number six.
(classical music)
- [Steve] This is gross, what I'm doing.
I'm like a caveman, hunting for a wife.
I'm using my camera like a club.
It's shallow.
It's fucked up.
Why not make a real documentary?
Something about climate change or spelling bees.
I should leave now.
Skip the interview.
From there I was just kind of like practicing.
I'd practice on, like, fruits and pigskin, and then--
- [Steve] You gave a fruit a tattoo?
- I gave a fruit a tattoo.
- [Steve] What kind of fruit?
- I believe it was an orange.
I only-- - How'd the tattoo turn out?
Was the orange happy?
- Probably not.
If you were gonna give Jesus a tattoo,
what tattoo would you give Jesus?
(laughs)
- What would I give Jesus?
Wow.
- Maybe Jesus? - Maybe a Jesus tattoo.
- [Steve] What would you give Santa?
I feel like he would want something really dirty.
- Yeah, you know it's funny
I was just thinking that. - Like an erect cock
or something. (laughing)
Like he just seems like a dirty old man to me.
- He is a dirty old man.
Come here.
But I just like with cats that it takes them time
to build that comfort in a relationship with you.
And when they do, it's really amazing.
- [Steve] What advice can you give me
in my search to find love again?
- I guess the one thing that I have learned
is just to stay true to yourself
and don't ever compromise yourself
or the things that you're passionate about for anybody else.
So, hopefully just finding somebody
that either shares those same passions
or supports you in the journeys that you wanna take.
I think that's the most important thing,
or one of the most important things.
- [Steve] That's fantastic advice.
I really fucked that one up in the last relationship.
I bent too much.
- It's unfortunate.
A lot of people really lose themselves in relationships,
and I think sometimes people feel like they need to because,
that's just what they gotta do to stay with that person.
I know I've been in that situation.
But you definitely gotta stay true to yourself.
- [Steve] You're a single person?
- No.
- [Steve] I was hoping to be married
before my next colonoscopy.
I need to walk away from this project.
Maybe I should be meeting women the old-fashioned way.
By hollering at them on the street.
Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan make it look so easy.
I should have kissed Sharlene White.
But in seventh grade my self-esteem was so low.
Stop beating myself up over past mistakes.
I need to focus on all the horrible things still to come.
And they are coming.
I wonder when Bruce will tour again?
Together Wendy, we can live with the sadness.
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul.
My God, I want that kind of passion.
For now, just be kinder.
More authentic.
Stop obsessing over women.
Focus on being a better man.
(upbeat music)
I've been sorting through all the footage I shot this year.
Yikes.
I told all those women I was shooting a documentary.
I wanna see if I actually have one.
The plane is turning, is this safe?
- [Emilie] Yeah.
- I just need about maybe 10 minutes to like set up
- Yeah, absolutely. - My stuff.
- [Emilie] Just tell me whatever you need.
- [Steve] What are you up to this week?
Jesus, I spent an entire year flirting.
- What am I up to this week? - Yeah, can we hang out
in a non-filming kind of way?
- Are you asking me out now?
(laughing)
- [Steve] Oh, I don't know, is that weird?
This isn't a documentary.
It's a nebbish casting couch.
The shitty thing is,
these women all had interesting things to say.
All I had to do was shut up and listen.
I've got the footage.
At least I can listen now.
When you feel that thrust of the plane taking off,
what is that like?
- There's, nothing like it.
There's absolutely nothing like it.
Just feeling that freedom of just taking off
and just knowing that you're in control
and you can kinda go wherever you like
is just absolutely incredible.
- [Steve] What do you think makes a woman beautiful?
- A woman who loves herself.
A woman who has self-love.
- [Steve] When was the last time you cried?
- Today.
(chainsaw roaring)
- [Steve] You worked in construction.
Did the guys give you a hard time?
- Every once in a while, but you know it's just like that.
All women experience a hard time from guys
one way or the other.
- [Steve] You think the best things in life
come with some pain?
- Oh, of course.
They definitely do.
- They're gonna die and I'm gonna have their organ.
I'm gonna have their heart.
I'm like, that's just, I can't wrap my brain around it.
It's so strange and mind-boggling that that can happen.
I mean, it happens every day, and I would do it in a second.
- [Steve] In my own search for love,
what advice would you give me?
- Okay.
I guess to not settle.
- I don't know, I think just being yourself
and not trying too hard.
I don't know, I mean I've never,
I've never set out to, like,
look for someone before, so I don't really,
I don't know what that's like.
- [Steve] What do you think
is the most important thing in life?
- Love.
- [Steve] That's nice.
- It's true.
I don't want it to sound trite.
- It's not trite, it's beautiful.
You okay? - Yeah.
- I filmed with some pretty great women.
But Heidi Lee said it best.
I should stop thinking in terms of women
and start thinking in terms of human.
(upbeat drum music)
It's a week before Christmas when I get the text.
Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know what's changed
but Erin doesn't feel weird anymore.
She even made us matching shirts that say,
"I don't feel weird anymore",
though she didn't wear hers to the restaurant.
What a smile.
(soft music)
Erin hangs out at my place and works on her novel.
Will you read something?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I grab the pig's balls and squeeze hard.
"Cut, that was brilliant!"
"Oh my god, really?"
"I was talking to the pig."
- [Steve] It's so good.
- Yeah?
- [Steve] Erin and I eat pizza together.
We go to the zoo to visit the gorillas.
Erin's bonded with Rocky.
We've seen each other's medication
and she keeps a toothbrush next to mine.
- Hey.
- Hi. - Hi, how are you?
Yeah, that's, that's really great.
Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Hi. - Hello.
- [Steve] Erin meets my parents.
- How are you? - Hi, sweetie.
- Ari, make your elephant sound.
Make an elephant sound.
She comes to my brother's place for Shabbat.
We go to see Erin's dad perform
in his Rolling Stones cover band.
Erin and I dance like idiots all night long.
(upbeat music)
And now we're on vacation together.
The water's very salty.
- He picked up the cheese a bit.
- Erin feeds cheese to a crab.
Then she goes in search of a lone goat.
(gentle music)
I'm having an incredible time
and that scares the crap out of me.
I'm having so much fun with Erin
and I want it to keep going.
Today, we're heading to Ikea.
I need a new faucet for the sink in my bathroom.
It's been dripping and my plumber says it's beyond repair.
This is what I want.
Someone who sticks around when life gets boring.
But Erin's young.
Any day now, she'll decide to walk the Camino
or move to Thailand and I'll never see her again.
I need to lock this in.
No.
Stop obsessing.
I can't attach myself to another person.
That's not love.
That's fear.
Let go of expectations.
Erin may not be around tomorrow.
But she's here now.
Whatever happens, I'm gonna be okay.
Five years later, I have a mustache.
(playful music)
I don't know why, I just do.
Erin and I are still hanging out.
Last spring, we took a trip to New York.
Saw some art, ate some donuts, went to the deli.
On the last day of our trip, I surprised Erin.
Took her to this incredible hotel.
Our room had a view of Central Park
and a rear-cleansing toilet.
While Erin was in the shower,
I downed a Manhattan and hid a ring under that banana.
I looked out on Central Park.
My heart was racing and fear set in.
Am I really doing this again?
Making myself vulnerable to rejection.
Why do I want this anyway?
Yes, mom and dad are blissfully married
but they're the exception.
Where is the sense in this?
But we're talking about love,
it's not supposed to be sensible.
Erin stepped out of the shower.
We ordered drinks to the room, clinked our glasses
and I said, "Wait a minute.
"We need something to toast."
I got down on one knee and I just started crying.
I don't even remember what I said.
But I'll always remember what happened next.
Oh my God.
It was...
Oh boy!
It was the happiest moment of my life.
We spent the rest of the day
playing with the motorized curtains.
(dramatic music)
(upbeat music)
Erin and I rented '70s outfits
to create a postcard wedding invite.
Our wedding was epic.
We had confetti!
We had whipped cream!
We showed home movies!
We had break-dancers!
Erin is hilarious.
And sexy and crazy in the best possible way.
She is the human of my dreams.
At the end of our vacation,
Erin and I decided to do an excursion outside the resort,
but we couldn't agree on which excursion to do.
I wanted to visit St. Lucia's botanical garden,
because I like flowers.
(audience laughing)
Erin wanted to visit the semi-active volcano,
because Erin likes volcanoes.
(audience laughing)
We debated over which excursion to do.
We talked about maybe doing separate activities.
But in the end, we decided to do both things together.
And Erin, I want you to know, that wherever life takes us,
to a botanical garden, to a semi-active volcano,
none of that matters.
I just like being next to you.
What a rush.
Seeing everyone I love together in one room.
The one person missing at our wedding was Erin's dad, Bob.
Six months earlier he'd been diagnosed with leukemia.
Bob was too sick to attend our wedding.
So, the morning of our big day,
we brought the wedding to Bob.
- Wow! - Can everybody fit in?
I don't know.
- [Steve] You look amazing.
- I love how you're in your tuxedo.
- [Woman] I love it.
- It's wonderful. - Yeah, yeah.
- You look great.
We had a small ceremony on the rooftop of the hospital.
Bob is basically a big kid.
Last summer, we were in Bob's backyard throwing eggs at him.
Just for a laugh.
- So you both got me in the exact same spot.
- [Sister] The first piece.
- [Steve] And only a few months ago,
Bob still had his rock and roll hair.
Everyone helped chop it off.
Even Bob's mom.
- I know you've been wanting to do this
for decades, grandma.
- [Steve] We were so lucky to celebrate
our wedding with Bob.
He died four weeks later.
(somber music)
That's the cruel trick love plays.
Love ends in loss.
I just have to accept that relationships are temporary.
And for as long as the people I care about are still around,
I need to cherish them.
Love is beautiful.
And painful.
But what else is there?
So basically, it's a doc about super cool,
super interesting women.
- [Erin] Okay, yeah.
(gentle music)