1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:06,883 --> 00:00:09,511 [WOOD CREAKING] 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:15,016 [ELECTRONIC TONES] 5 00:00:18,561 --> 00:00:21,189 [WATER RUSHING] 6 00:00:27,487 --> 00:00:30,782 [ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC] 7 00:00:35,453 --> 00:00:37,454 You know, they say people in glass houses 8 00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:40,374 should throw stones, but I think people in any type 9 00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:42,584 of house shouldn't throw a stone. 10 00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:43,420 I mean, I'm not even worrying 11 00:00:43,421 --> 00:00:44,712 about like the glass windows or anything. 12 00:00:44,713 --> 00:00:46,672 People, why are you throwing stones at people? 13 00:00:46,673 --> 00:00:48,924 Where are you even getting these stones? 14 00:00:48,925 --> 00:00:49,759 Am I the weird one? 15 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,301 I don't have stones in my place. 16 00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:52,178 Is that weird? 17 00:00:53,388 --> 00:00:54,972 Ford Fiesta. 18 00:00:54,973 --> 00:00:55,807 Why do they call it that? 19 00:00:55,808 --> 00:00:57,016 I feel like it's never really a fiesta 20 00:00:57,017 --> 00:00:59,393 when you get inside, right? 21 00:00:59,394 --> 00:01:01,228 It's just like it's a car. 22 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:02,938 I went apple-picking the other day. 23 00:01:02,939 --> 00:01:03,815 Oh, I wish you guys were there. 24 00:01:03,816 --> 00:01:06,026 I went apple-picking, I got myself an iPad. 25 00:01:07,819 --> 00:01:08,986 And an iPhone. 26 00:01:08,987 --> 00:01:09,779 6C. 27 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:14,408 The term glory hole, it's kind of a weird use 28 00:01:14,409 --> 00:01:16,952 of the word glory, don't you think? 29 00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:21,916 I mean, it's not-- [TOILET FLUSHES] 30 00:01:24,753 --> 00:01:26,462 How you doing? 31 00:01:26,463 --> 00:01:28,630 [PHONE RINGING] 32 00:01:28,631 --> 00:01:31,216 Hey, this is Scott, leave a message after the beep. 33 00:01:31,217 --> 00:01:32,509 [BEEPING] Hey, sweetie. 34 00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,136 I'm sorry LA didn't work out. 35 00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:36,180 I know how much you wanted to be a comedian. 36 00:01:36,181 --> 00:01:37,514 But maybe it's for the best. 37 00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:39,558 Your father and I can't wait to have you home. 38 00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:41,186 Drive safe, love you. 39 00:01:43,396 --> 00:01:47,024 ♪ Try to make it by ♪ 40 00:01:47,025 --> 00:01:51,070 ♪ And try to keep it all inside because it's ♪ 41 00:01:51,071 --> 00:01:54,782 ♪ Always do or die ♪ 42 00:01:54,783 --> 00:01:58,702 ♪ It's always do or die ♪ 43 00:01:58,703 --> 00:02:02,498 ♪ It's funny how you try ♪ 44 00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:06,418 ♪ The joke is never on your side because it's ♪ 45 00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:09,714 ♪ It's always do or die ♪ 46 00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:24,978 Hey. 47 00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:25,814 Who's that? 48 00:02:25,815 --> 00:02:28,066 - Hey, Scotty, hey. - What's up, Pop? 49 00:02:34,656 --> 00:02:38,451 Did you know bears can smell food from three miles away? 50 00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:41,538 Didn't know that. 51 00:02:41,539 --> 00:02:43,580 - Yeah, me neither. - It's crazy. 52 00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,165 [GARY] Yeah. 53 00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:46,084 Place looks nice. 54 00:02:47,085 --> 00:02:49,253 Well, we got a new couch last year. 55 00:02:49,254 --> 00:02:50,838 - This one? - Mm-hmm. 56 00:02:50,839 --> 00:02:51,631 That's great. 57 00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:54,551 It's great. 58 00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:58,595 You know where Mom is? 59 00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:00,222 She's at the store. 60 00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,016 Yeah, she'll be back in a little while. 61 00:03:04,269 --> 00:03:06,812 [TV NARRATOR] Leaving the juveniles to attempt the risky, 62 00:03:06,813 --> 00:03:09,399 if effective, dash and grab. 63 00:03:11,151 --> 00:03:12,442 All right, good to see you. 64 00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:13,569 [TV NARRATOR] And brown bears do go 65 00:03:13,570 --> 00:03:16,238 into a deep sleep during-- Good to see you too. 66 00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,907 [TV NARRATOR] Known as torpor. 67 00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:20,368 Hibernation is when... 68 00:03:24,497 --> 00:03:25,290 Hello, Sister. 69 00:03:26,541 --> 00:03:28,667 Ah. 70 00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:29,502 Hello. 71 00:03:29,502 --> 00:03:30,336 Look who it is. 72 00:03:30,337 --> 00:03:32,087 Comedy world's slowest-rising star. 73 00:03:32,088 --> 00:03:33,089 Right off the bat. 74 00:03:33,090 --> 00:03:34,965 Wow, okay, because I see you're still living 75 00:03:34,966 --> 00:03:36,592 with our parents at 30 so... 76 00:03:36,593 --> 00:03:38,051 Pretty sure you're older than me 77 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,429 and just moved back in with our parents, so... 78 00:03:40,430 --> 00:03:41,472 I'm also saving up. 79 00:03:41,473 --> 00:03:42,598 I'm managing the pretzel shop at the mall now. 80 00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:44,057 Did you just try bragging 81 00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:44,976 about working at a pretzel shop in a mall? 82 00:03:44,977 --> 00:03:48,061 I'm just saying one of us has a job and it's not you. 83 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,772 Or, oh god. 84 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:53,025 Don't tell me Dad's gonna hire you back. 85 00:03:53,026 --> 00:03:55,235 No, I am not gonna work for him ever again. 86 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:57,404 You say that now, but I'm pretty sure you once said 87 00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,531 you were never coming back here, so... 88 00:03:59,532 --> 00:04:00,657 I'm not back here. 89 00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:02,576 I mean, I'm obviously back here, but I'm not back here. 90 00:04:02,577 --> 00:04:04,453 I'm not back-- You having a stroke? 91 00:04:04,454 --> 00:04:07,039 Better question is are you still dating that guy 92 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,457 with the vanity license plate? 93 00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:10,209 Oh, remember, it said mortify? 94 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:12,085 Okay, well I'm dating a cop now. 95 00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:13,795 I don't believe that for a second. 96 00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,173 You are dating a cop? 97 00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:18,051 A security guard. 98 00:04:18,051 --> 00:04:18,885 There it is. 99 00:04:18,886 --> 00:04:20,802 His name is Ruis and he's awesome. 100 00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:22,638 Nobody dating you could ever be awesome. 101 00:04:22,639 --> 00:04:24,264 And no one who lives with their parents 102 00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:27,018 at 34 is even remotely cool, dip-shit. 103 00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:33,815 It's good to see you. 104 00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:35,067 It's good to see you too. 105 00:04:35,068 --> 00:04:36,735 I'm gonna drink tonight at the Whale's Tail. 106 00:04:36,736 --> 00:04:38,111 - You want in? - Nope. 107 00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,197 Hanging out with my boyfriend. 108 00:04:39,198 --> 00:04:40,656 I fucking hate him. 109 00:04:40,657 --> 00:04:42,283 Ugh, unbelievable. 110 00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:46,912 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 111 00:04:46,913 --> 00:04:48,830 So for four years, you hated it? 112 00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:51,083 No, I actually loved it for the first year or so. 113 00:04:51,084 --> 00:04:52,251 I mean, I was getting up a bunch. 114 00:04:52,252 --> 00:04:53,794 I was writing, things were clicking. 115 00:04:53,795 --> 00:04:56,255 And then, I don't know, man, things got harder 116 00:04:56,256 --> 00:04:59,216 and harder and I got poorer and poorer. 117 00:04:59,217 --> 00:05:00,051 You're broke too? 118 00:05:00,052 --> 00:05:01,718 No no no no, I just thought it'd be really fun 119 00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:03,136 to move back in with Gary and Jeanine. 120 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:04,638 Hey, don't get sassy with me. 121 00:05:04,639 --> 00:05:06,598 I'm just saying, I was on your website. 122 00:05:06,599 --> 00:05:08,517 I saw all types of dates and times. 123 00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:10,435 You was booked, you was doing shows. 124 00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:13,563 Yeah, those weren't so much dates as they were open mics. 125 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,440 You were back doing open mics? 126 00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:17,776 Seriously, you shoulda called more. 127 00:05:17,777 --> 00:05:19,027 I know, I should've called. 128 00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:19,904 I got three kids. 129 00:05:19,904 --> 00:05:20,947 You don't think I want them to know who you are? 130 00:05:20,948 --> 00:05:22,197 I know, I know, I know. 131 00:05:22,198 --> 00:05:23,699 I promise you I will call more. 132 00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,409 I'll be around more, okay? 133 00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:27,536 I know you have the machine back there. 134 00:05:27,537 --> 00:05:30,372 Come on, bring it out because I got to sing. 135 00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:31,915 You know I got to sing. 136 00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:34,626 - No, it's not karaoke night. - But it could be. 137 00:05:34,627 --> 00:05:35,877 If I give you a free shot, will you shut up? 138 00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:36,671 Yes. 139 00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:40,340 See, this, this, I miss this, right? 140 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:41,758 This feels like home. 141 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:42,719 Drinking. 142 00:05:42,719 --> 00:05:43,761 Not by myself. 143 00:05:43,762 --> 00:05:45,637 You didn't have any friends out there? 144 00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:46,681 No, not really. 145 00:05:46,682 --> 00:05:49,474 I mean, who makes new friends in their 30s? 146 00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:50,518 Everyone. 147 00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:51,394 Okay. 148 00:05:51,395 --> 00:05:53,312 I follow you on Instagram. 149 00:05:53,313 --> 00:05:55,731 You just posted a picture with Alyssa Milano. 150 00:05:55,732 --> 00:05:56,774 - Yeah. - How was that? 151 00:05:56,775 --> 00:05:59,484 We weren't hanging out as much as I saw her in a Costco. 152 00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:01,987 I took a picture and then I ran the other direction. 153 00:06:01,988 --> 00:06:03,447 Were you always a liar? 154 00:06:03,448 --> 00:06:05,198 Look at me in my goddamn eyes right now. 155 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:07,993 10th grade, Leslie Ambrose. 156 00:06:07,994 --> 00:06:09,328 Did she really give you a hand-job? 157 00:06:09,329 --> 00:06:11,455 Leslie Ambrose did absolutely give me a hand-job. 158 00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:12,873 That was probably my peak. 159 00:06:12,874 --> 00:06:15,042 Your peak should not be a hand-job. 160 00:06:15,043 --> 00:06:15,877 I know. 161 00:06:15,878 --> 00:06:17,461 I know, I know, I know. 162 00:06:17,462 --> 00:06:20,422 So, now that we got that out of the way, how is Becks? 163 00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,799 No, I like how you tried to, uh, no. 164 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,009 We're not gonna talk about Becks. 165 00:06:24,010 --> 00:06:25,218 - Come on. - Come on. 166 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,428 No, we're not doing it. 167 00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:27,971 I'm gonna go ahead and put a request in 168 00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:29,139 that you don't even bring her name up anymore. 169 00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:30,682 Request denied, let's get right back into it. 170 00:06:30,683 --> 00:06:32,142 Do you and Lauren actually hang out with her? 171 00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:33,685 Is it like a double-date situation 172 00:06:33,686 --> 00:06:34,771 or what is the whole deal? 173 00:06:34,772 --> 00:06:36,938 Dude, I told you I got three kids. 174 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,440 I don't hang out with anybody a bunch 175 00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:39,941 except for they little asses. 176 00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:41,360 Matter of fact, when I get done 177 00:06:41,361 --> 00:06:43,445 with this here beer, I'm going home. 178 00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:44,863 No, we're hanging out. 179 00:06:44,864 --> 00:06:46,156 You can't just go home. 180 00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:48,909 Dude, it's almost nine o'clock at night. 181 00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:50,619 I start my route at 5:00 a.m. 182 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,204 Oh my god, that is so depressing. 183 00:06:52,205 --> 00:06:54,539 It is, it's depressing, but it's adulting too. 184 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,957 It's called being a man. 185 00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:57,584 Ohf, how is Becks though? 186 00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:58,461 Is she cool? 187 00:06:58,462 --> 00:07:00,087 Do you hang out with her? 188 00:07:00,088 --> 00:07:01,047 - Fine. - Yes. 189 00:07:01,047 --> 00:07:01,881 Give it to me, go. 190 00:07:01,882 --> 00:07:03,340 I hang out with them time and time again. 191 00:07:03,341 --> 00:07:04,384 I see them. 192 00:07:04,385 --> 00:07:06,593 That's why I need to know, is that gonna be a problem? 193 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,428 What? 194 00:07:07,429 --> 00:07:09,346 'Cause the first time I invite you over to the house 195 00:07:09,347 --> 00:07:11,014 for one of the boys' birthday parties, 196 00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:12,808 I don't need there to be any weird tension. 197 00:07:12,809 --> 00:07:16,436 And I know, I know that Owen 198 00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:17,979 is gonna feel uncomfortable around you. 199 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,940 Owen's not gonna be comfortable with me being there? 200 00:07:19,941 --> 00:07:20,858 Are you... 201 00:07:20,859 --> 00:07:22,109 Like, Owen should fucking love me. 202 00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:23,693 If I didn't skip town like an asshole, 203 00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:24,986 he never would've gotten married to Becks. 204 00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:27,322 See, now that skip town like an asshole comment 205 00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:28,448 is what concerns me. 206 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:31,034 - Owen would be uncomfortable? - Yes. 207 00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:32,369 Dude, I'm not trying to be a dick. 208 00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:33,870 You left her. 209 00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:34,831 You left here. 210 00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:37,625 Right. 211 00:07:39,919 --> 00:07:42,295 [URINE SPLASHING] 212 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:43,588 Oh, I'm sorry. 213 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:44,424 Oh, I'm sorry. 214 00:07:44,425 --> 00:07:45,841 It's, it's... 215 00:07:45,842 --> 00:07:47,092 Did I get pee on you? 216 00:07:47,093 --> 00:07:47,927 - What? - No. 217 00:07:47,928 --> 00:07:50,345 I mean, did you get your own pee on you? 218 00:07:50,346 --> 00:07:52,723 No, I'm fine, please stop looking at my penis. 219 00:07:53,933 --> 00:07:56,017 Yeah, all right. 220 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:57,853 Come on, buddy. 221 00:07:57,854 --> 00:07:59,229 Are you pissing in the sink? 222 00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:00,148 Uh. 223 00:08:02,442 --> 00:08:03,234 No. 224 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,111 [CHUCKLES] 225 00:08:05,112 --> 00:08:06,362 Do you want me to call you a cab? 226 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:09,157 What? 227 00:08:09,158 --> 00:08:10,824 Listen, do you want me to call you a taxi? 228 00:08:10,825 --> 00:08:13,034 Sorry, I don't need a taxi 'cause I have the Lyft. 229 00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:13,995 You have Lyft? 230 00:08:13,995 --> 00:08:15,037 Lyft is unbelievable 231 00:08:15,038 --> 00:08:16,872 'cause you don't have to know where you are. 232 00:08:16,873 --> 00:08:18,081 You know, you just hit the thing 233 00:08:18,082 --> 00:08:20,208 and a guy from another country comes 234 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,878 and takes you right home, it's like magic. 235 00:08:22,879 --> 00:08:24,754 But you do know where you are? 236 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:25,673 When? 237 00:08:25,674 --> 00:08:26,965 Right now. 238 00:08:26,966 --> 00:08:27,925 Now? 239 00:08:27,926 --> 00:08:29,134 Do you know where you are right now? 240 00:08:29,135 --> 00:08:31,178 - Yes. - Okay, tell me. 241 00:08:31,179 --> 00:08:32,596 - Where are you? - Here. 242 00:08:32,597 --> 00:08:35,390 - Oh my goodness. - Whoa, hey, that's no good. 243 00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:36,225 What are you doing? 244 00:08:36,226 --> 00:08:37,517 What, no, no, no, I'm sorry. 245 00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:40,020 - Look, I know what this is. - Okay. 246 00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:41,605 I got a guy, he'll help you. 247 00:08:41,606 --> 00:08:42,772 He's on the corner of Walnut and Laurel-- 248 00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:45,150 Hey, hey, hey, for the last time, 249 00:08:45,151 --> 00:08:47,277 don't bother the customers. 250 00:08:47,278 --> 00:08:48,653 I'm sorry about him. 251 00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,280 You're good, you're good, it's fine. 252 00:08:50,281 --> 00:08:52,699 We're just two guys talking skin conditions, taking pisses. 253 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,117 Yeah, I'm not bothering anybody. 254 00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:55,410 Oh, you think you're cute, huh? 255 00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:57,370 No, I don't think I'm cute, okay? 256 00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,705 I know I'm adorable. 257 00:08:58,706 --> 00:08:59,540 Yeah? 258 00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:00,833 - This guy loves me. - Really? 259 00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:02,627 - He pissed in the sink. - I didn't piss in the sink. 260 00:09:02,628 --> 00:09:04,085 - I saw him. - He literally just did it. 261 00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:07,255 - He went on his tippy toes. - I saw you. 262 00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:08,049 What? 263 00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:39,830 [BLANKET RUSTLING] [SCOTT GRUNTING] 264 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,141 Hey, Scotty. 265 00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:01,351 How'd you sleep? 266 00:10:01,352 --> 00:10:03,436 You need anything in here, more pillows? 267 00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:04,938 No, I'm fine, Mom. 268 00:10:04,939 --> 00:10:07,440 And honestly, you didn't have to keep all this stuff. 269 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:08,276 Oh, what stuff? 270 00:10:08,276 --> 00:10:09,110 What stuff? 271 00:10:09,111 --> 00:10:10,902 Look at this, my VHS collection. 272 00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:12,445 Honey, you really need to have someone 273 00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,030 take a look at those. 274 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:16,199 I will, I will, I will, I will. 275 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,285 Should just change this room into, 276 00:10:17,286 --> 00:10:19,202 like, Dad's office or something. 277 00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:21,288 Well, he already has an office. 278 00:10:21,289 --> 00:10:22,998 Speaking of which-- Don't, please don't, okay? 279 00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:24,041 Meg already asked me about it. 280 00:10:24,042 --> 00:10:26,001 I'm not gonna work back at the lumberyard, all right? 281 00:10:26,002 --> 00:10:27,961 Okay, good, because your father and I talked about it 282 00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:29,588 and he doesn't think it's a good idea. 283 00:10:29,589 --> 00:10:30,423 Seriously? 284 00:10:30,424 --> 00:10:32,716 Honey, you know how he felt about you leaving. 285 00:10:32,717 --> 00:10:34,884 He always figured you'd run the place one day. 286 00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,970 He figured I would run the place. 287 00:10:36,971 --> 00:10:39,140 That's the word we should be looking at, he. 288 00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:43,143 You know when I came home yesterday, he just shook my hand? 289 00:10:43,144 --> 00:10:45,020 He didn't even get up out of his chair. 290 00:10:45,021 --> 00:10:46,313 He just gave me a handshake. 291 00:10:46,314 --> 00:10:49,065 You know how he is. 292 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,568 Just give him some time. 293 00:10:52,153 --> 00:10:52,987 Oh. 294 00:10:52,988 --> 00:10:54,571 And I like your room the way it is. 295 00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:56,323 Figured if you'd need it, it's here. 296 00:10:56,324 --> 00:10:59,159 Wow, not a lot of faith in my career decision huh, Ma? 297 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,161 Oh, just so you know, this morning, 298 00:11:01,162 --> 00:11:03,580 I printed out that mailman application. 299 00:11:03,581 --> 00:11:06,000 Why are you so psyched about that? 300 00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:08,294 [JEANINE] Woo. 301 00:11:08,295 --> 00:11:09,836 Mom, I don't wanna be a mailman. 302 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:12,548 [CHAIR WHIRRING] 303 00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:19,221 Oh. 304 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:21,641 Oh. 305 00:11:24,018 --> 00:11:25,143 Oh, don't do it. 306 00:11:25,144 --> 00:11:26,562 It's a fun chair, isn't it? 307 00:11:28,481 --> 00:11:30,857 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 308 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:31,901 I'm sorry. 309 00:11:31,902 --> 00:11:33,068 When you said you knew a guy, 310 00:11:33,069 --> 00:11:36,238 I had no idea that you were going to be that guy. 311 00:11:37,323 --> 00:11:39,074 Bathroom the other night? 312 00:11:39,075 --> 00:11:40,200 Oh, at the bar. 313 00:11:40,201 --> 00:11:41,576 At the bar in the bathroom. 314 00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:44,454 Oh yeah, listen, it's been a very crazy day here today. 315 00:11:44,455 --> 00:11:46,956 - So, yeah, oh yeah. - Wow. 316 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,250 - Good to see you again. - Good to see you too. 317 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,753 All right, so what do we got going on? 318 00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:55,256 Yeah yeah yeah yeah, I don't know what they're from, 319 00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:56,758 maybe an allergic reaction to something. 320 00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,885 Maybe a new detergent, but I can't get 'em away. 321 00:11:58,886 --> 00:11:59,720 Yeah. 322 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:00,680 Have you been putting anything on it? 323 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:01,597 - Yeah. - Let me guess. 324 00:12:01,598 --> 00:12:02,806 [BOTH] Hydrocortisone. 325 00:12:02,807 --> 00:12:03,766 And it did... 326 00:12:03,767 --> 00:12:05,141 [BOTH] Nothing. 327 00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,518 Yeah. 328 00:12:06,519 --> 00:12:07,852 Are you currently sexually active? 329 00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:10,021 - What? - Sexually active. 330 00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:11,773 You think there's an STD on my arm? 331 00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:12,858 Well, you know. 332 00:12:12,859 --> 00:12:14,693 No, I haven't been going around fisting strangers. 333 00:12:14,694 --> 00:12:16,403 I don't just find somebody and stick my entire... 334 00:12:16,404 --> 00:12:18,781 That would be my entire fucking forearm in there. 335 00:12:19,824 --> 00:12:20,783 - Okay. - Sorry. 336 00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:21,617 - Yeah. - That's good to know. 337 00:12:21,618 --> 00:12:22,742 - Okay. - Yeah, yeah. 338 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,327 It's just a question I have to ask, that's all. 339 00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:25,413 Yeah. 340 00:12:25,413 --> 00:12:26,205 Um. 341 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,249 No, I haven't had sex in awhile. 342 00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:30,625 I haven't had sex in like a couple-- 343 00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:31,918 Okay, okay. 344 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:32,920 Duly noted. 345 00:12:32,921 --> 00:12:34,546 I'm gonna take a look, all right? 346 00:12:34,547 --> 00:12:35,548 Does kissing count? 347 00:12:35,549 --> 00:12:37,132 If I, does kissing count? 348 00:12:37,133 --> 00:12:38,591 It depends on where you kiss, I guess. 349 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,009 [LAUGHS] 350 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:40,803 Let me see. 351 00:12:43,264 --> 00:12:44,056 Hm. 352 00:12:46,267 --> 00:12:48,018 Maybe you should be sexually active. 353 00:12:48,978 --> 00:12:52,021 Those are good old-fashioned stress hives. 354 00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,398 You can get hives from stress? 355 00:12:53,399 --> 00:12:55,817 Oh, you'd be shocked at what stress can do to the skin. 356 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,403 It can play havoc with your integumentary system. 357 00:12:58,404 --> 00:13:00,488 - That's a big word. - That's why I have the chair. 358 00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:01,407 [BOTH LAUGHING] 359 00:13:01,408 --> 00:13:02,991 No, integumentary is a fantastic word, 360 00:13:02,992 --> 00:13:05,034 but just basically means skin. 361 00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:08,163 My daughter went through a bad divorce a couple years ago 362 00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:10,957 and she had the exact same reaction, the stress hive. 363 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,959 You see the zigzag pattern there? 364 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,377 - Yeah yeah yeah yeah. - Yeah, exact same. 365 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:15,670 Stress hives. 366 00:13:15,671 --> 00:13:19,007 Yeah, or you could be dying of 30, 40 diseases. 367 00:13:19,008 --> 00:13:20,383 - Who knows? - Oh, thank you for that. 368 00:13:20,384 --> 00:13:21,926 Really helps my stress levels. 369 00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,470 - Oh, so you are under stress. - Oh my god. 370 00:13:23,471 --> 00:13:27,140 - Profoundly so, yeah. - Oh. 371 00:13:27,141 --> 00:13:29,142 - Why? - Really? 372 00:13:29,143 --> 00:13:30,227 [MARTY] What's going on? 373 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:33,314 You don't have the time. 374 00:13:33,315 --> 00:13:34,856 Oh, but I do have the time. 375 00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,608 Believe me, I got plenty of time today. 376 00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:37,901 I just checked my sign-in sheet 377 00:13:37,902 --> 00:13:40,320 and the next patient coming in has a terrible rash 378 00:13:40,321 --> 00:13:44,282 on his scrotum that I have to apply a topical suave to. 379 00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:46,618 Plus, he looks like the human version of Eeyore. 380 00:13:46,619 --> 00:13:48,036 The whole thing is a total nightmare. 381 00:13:48,037 --> 00:13:49,662 So believe me, I have nothing but time. 382 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,331 Are you even allowed to tell me any of that? 383 00:13:51,332 --> 00:13:52,707 Are you even a dermatologist? 384 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,626 I don't see a degree anywhere on any wall. 385 00:13:54,627 --> 00:13:57,003 I graduated from the University of Phoenix. 386 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,838 I took two online classes. 387 00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,548 Both of 'em, you took both online classes? 388 00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:01,383 [MARTY] Yeah. 389 00:14:01,384 --> 00:14:03,051 The fact that I can't tell if you're kidding or not 390 00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:05,470 does not make me very confident in your whole diagnosis. 391 00:14:05,471 --> 00:14:06,555 No, no no no, now, listen. 392 00:14:06,556 --> 00:14:08,890 I'm gonna prescribe a topical steroid for you. 393 00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:09,725 Ah. 394 00:14:09,726 --> 00:14:14,312 I actually am on the whole self-pay thing. 395 00:14:14,313 --> 00:14:16,648 So is there any shot this will just disappear by itself? 396 00:14:16,649 --> 00:14:20,819 Because my insurance is not really robust or existing. 397 00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:22,445 Yeah, okay. 398 00:14:22,446 --> 00:14:23,696 [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 399 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,241 As the French say, lovely parting gift. 400 00:14:26,242 --> 00:14:27,784 Twice a day, morning and evening. 401 00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:29,869 Keep it dry in between, okay? 402 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,538 And if they come back, I want you to call me. 403 00:14:31,539 --> 00:14:32,456 Yeah. 404 00:14:32,457 --> 00:14:33,832 And try to relax. 405 00:14:33,833 --> 00:14:35,250 Because once when you start feeling overwhelmed-- 406 00:14:35,251 --> 00:14:36,085 That's what it is. 407 00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:37,877 That's exactly what I've been feeling. 408 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,922 I just feel so overwhelmed. 409 00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,590 Aren't we all, Mr. Rollins, aren't we all? 410 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:44,175 - Hey, man, I appreciate it. - Mm-mm. 411 00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:45,552 - Yep, I shouldn't touch you. - No. 412 00:14:45,553 --> 00:14:48,222 Okay. [MARTY LAUGHS] 413 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:50,683 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 414 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,938 - Mr. Herman, how are you? - Hey, doc. 415 00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:59,024 [MARTY] Go on back, good to see you, pal. 416 00:15:02,278 --> 00:15:04,904 [PLEASANT MUSIC] 417 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:05,698 Okay. 418 00:15:13,289 --> 00:15:16,166 [BRAKES SQUEALING] 419 00:15:18,294 --> 00:15:21,005 [BATTER HISSING] 420 00:15:37,313 --> 00:15:38,980 [TV ANNOUNCER] Ball one. 421 00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:40,440 One away, second and eight. 422 00:15:40,441 --> 00:15:41,983 Red Sox, two, Mets, nothing. 423 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,611 On deck, Ray Knight. 424 00:15:48,157 --> 00:15:51,118 [WOMAN] God, I can't believe this. 425 00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,998 [HOWARD] Give me a break. 426 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,334 [HOWARD SQUAWKS] 427 00:15:59,335 --> 00:16:00,543 I'm so nervous. 428 00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:04,422 It's just that I've never been around a... 429 00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:06,966 I mean, I've never even had a pet sort of thing, you know, 430 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,343 always seemed like such a hassle. 431 00:16:08,344 --> 00:16:10,887 - You know, feeding 'em. - Scotty. 432 00:16:10,888 --> 00:16:12,180 Dinner. 433 00:16:12,181 --> 00:16:13,015 All right. 434 00:16:13,016 --> 00:16:14,432 [HOWARD] Try to be careful. 435 00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:17,061 [PHONE BEEPING] 436 00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:24,693 [PHONE RINGING] 437 00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:29,113 [ADAM] Hi, this is Adam, I can't make it to the phone. 438 00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:30,240 Please leave a message. 439 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:33,368 Hey, Adam, it's me. 440 00:16:33,369 --> 00:16:34,953 Yeah, I'm sitting at home tonight and guess what's 441 00:16:34,954 --> 00:16:39,917 on the TV, the 1986 World Series, right? 442 00:16:40,084 --> 00:16:42,085 Mets versus the Red Sox, remember? 443 00:16:42,086 --> 00:16:44,045 We watched like every game together. 444 00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:49,009 You were like five and you loved that pitcher, Ron Darling. 445 00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:52,136 Oh, and I made my famous blueberry pancakes. 446 00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:53,055 Yeah. 447 00:16:53,056 --> 00:16:54,514 Remember how when we went camping, 448 00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:57,684 I always used to make the blueberry pancakes 449 00:16:57,685 --> 00:17:00,019 that somehow would always seem like it was raining? 450 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:00,854 Remember that? 451 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:01,689 Oh god. 452 00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:04,273 You and your sister just loved those pancakes. 453 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,192 Anyway-- Message length exceeded. 454 00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,654 [PHONE BEEPS] 455 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:15,160 [MARTY SIGHS] 456 00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:20,374 [PHONE BEEPING] 457 00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,377 [PHONE RINGING] 458 00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:26,212 [ADAM] Hi, this is Adam, I can't make it to the phone. 459 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,381 Please leave a message. 460 00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:29,882 I know you're not gonna call me back. 461 00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,676 But I have to say it. 462 00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:33,428 Please, call me back. 463 00:17:33,429 --> 00:17:35,722 I mean, your sister gets on the phone when I call 464 00:17:35,723 --> 00:17:37,932 and, you know, sometimes she'll humor me 465 00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:40,768 and we'll stay on for like 10 minutes or so, 466 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,438 you know, if you can imagine that. 467 00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:45,982 That's really all I'm looking for. 468 00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:48,610 You know, just a couple of minutes. 469 00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:52,655 But if you wanna keep playing this game of phone chicken, 470 00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:54,115 then I'm in. 471 00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:58,828 I'll call you, you'll ignore me. 472 00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:01,914 And then we'll see which one of us gives in first. 473 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:04,167 So anyway-- Message length exceeded. 474 00:18:04,168 --> 00:18:06,628 [PHONE BEEPS] 475 00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:18,306 [MARTY SIGHS] 476 00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:19,141 This is nice. 477 00:18:19,142 --> 00:18:20,516 Isn't this nice? 478 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,101 Damn good yard bird, Jeanine. 479 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,312 No, I mean the whole family's here. 480 00:18:24,313 --> 00:18:26,355 Both my little birdies in the nest. 481 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:28,691 Do you know, I read somewhere that if a bird stays 482 00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:30,985 in the nest, it means it has mental problems. 483 00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,613 That's how you can tell if a bird isn't gonna make it. 484 00:18:33,614 --> 00:18:34,864 Well, that's interesting. 485 00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:35,699 I thought so too, Mom. 486 00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:37,617 - You know what I read? - You can read? 487 00:18:37,618 --> 00:18:39,660 Oh my god, that's such a funny joke. 488 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:41,120 You should tell it again for your number one fan 489 00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,663 who's sitting right here, your mother. 490 00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:44,749 I'm not ashamed that my mom is my number one fan. 491 00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,250 Only fan, by the way. 492 00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,919 We're having a, stop it, stop it. 493 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,462 Okay, okay, okay, okay, can we just-- 494 00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:50,923 Stop it, both of you. 495 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,350 I was wondering if it's okay 496 00:19:01,351 --> 00:19:03,976 if Ruis comes over for dinner next weekend. 497 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,103 Absolutely. 498 00:19:05,104 --> 00:19:06,646 Ruis is awesome. 499 00:19:06,647 --> 00:19:07,481 That can't be true. 500 00:19:07,482 --> 00:19:08,648 How do you know if it's true or not? 501 00:19:08,649 --> 00:19:09,483 You've never even met him. 502 00:19:09,483 --> 00:19:10,317 I don't need to meet him 503 00:19:10,318 --> 00:19:11,651 because I've met all your other boyfriends. 504 00:19:11,652 --> 00:19:14,570 Remember the guy whose job it was to play online poker? 505 00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:16,572 Or do you remember the guy who always wore jean shorts? 506 00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:19,700 Every single, Mom, every single day, he wore jean shorts. 507 00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,411 Do you remember the one that looked like Kid Rock? 508 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:23,871 He didn't look anything like Kid Rock. 509 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,581 I apologize, he looked like Uncle Kracker. 510 00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:26,458 [BOTH LAUGHING] See? 511 00:19:26,459 --> 00:19:29,585 Even Dad and Mom liked that, my number one fan is laughing. 512 00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:31,337 - Thank you, Mom. - Whatever. 513 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,922 - He did. - Ruis is awesome. 514 00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:34,340 - Eat a dick. - Wow. 515 00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:35,800 Meg, language. 516 00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:38,219 Scotty, we do not make fun of Ruis. 517 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,054 Really? 518 00:19:39,055 --> 00:19:40,221 That's a rule in this house now? 519 00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:42,223 We can't use Ruis's name in vain? 520 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:43,975 What is he, Voldemort? 521 00:19:43,976 --> 00:19:45,143 He's awesome. 522 00:19:45,144 --> 00:19:45,936 Thank you, Dad. 523 00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:53,901 Oh, Scotty, did you hear about Rory Seidel? 524 00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,528 Who's Rory Seidel? 525 00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:56,779 You went to school with him. 526 00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,906 He used to work at Carvel's, remember? 527 00:19:58,907 --> 00:19:59,867 Yes. 528 00:19:59,868 --> 00:20:01,951 I remember Rory, that fucking weirdo. 529 00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:02,911 Why, what happened? 530 00:20:02,912 --> 00:20:04,745 He died. 531 00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:06,790 It's so sad, he was only 32. 532 00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:09,918 God, I remember that guy. 533 00:20:12,129 --> 00:20:14,213 [JEANINE] Weren't you friends with him? 534 00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,925 I wasn't friends with him, no, but Becky was. 535 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,219 [SOMBER MUSIC] 536 00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:22,181 [PEOPLE WHISPERING] 537 00:20:56,048 --> 00:20:57,632 Pst, hey, Rollins, right? 538 00:20:57,633 --> 00:20:58,467 Rollins. 539 00:20:58,467 --> 00:20:59,551 Hey, how you doing? 540 00:20:59,551 --> 00:21:00,552 Are you everywhere? 541 00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:01,428 I get around. 542 00:21:02,471 --> 00:21:03,472 What are you doing here? 543 00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:06,600 Honestly, I don't even know. 544 00:21:08,060 --> 00:21:09,102 Wow. 545 00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:09,937 What? 546 00:21:09,938 --> 00:21:11,771 - You killed Rory. - I didn't kill Rory. 547 00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:13,105 That's why you were stressed. 548 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,107 What are you doing? 549 00:21:14,108 --> 00:21:15,316 That's your hand on his shoulder 550 00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:16,734 right before you strangled him. 551 00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:18,820 Rory died of, don't, he died of leukemia. 552 00:21:22,658 --> 00:21:23,866 Are you high? 553 00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:25,534 Yeah. 554 00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:26,453 Wow. 555 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:27,287 Wow. 556 00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:28,372 And why are you here? 557 00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,748 Rory went to school with my kid. 558 00:21:30,749 --> 00:21:32,041 Oh, the divorcee with stress hives. 559 00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:33,626 No, my other one. 560 00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,670 My son. 561 00:21:35,671 --> 00:21:37,421 Speaking of which, how are they doing? 562 00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:39,006 - You wanna see? - Yeah. 563 00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:41,175 - In a church? - Yeah, yes, sir. 564 00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:42,010 Fading already. 565 00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,095 Who's better than me? 566 00:21:43,095 --> 00:21:44,054 Nobody. 567 00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:47,683 [WOMAN GROANS] 568 00:21:48,642 --> 00:21:51,353 [MARTY CHUCKLES] 569 00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:55,357 Hey. 570 00:21:56,233 --> 00:21:58,651 Why do they call it a wake anyway? 571 00:21:58,652 --> 00:21:59,569 What do you mean? 572 00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:02,072 Well, it's not like Rory's waking anytime soon. 573 00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:05,116 Oh, but if he got up, if he got up right this second, 574 00:22:05,117 --> 00:22:06,742 then we can call it a wake. 575 00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:09,412 Yeah, that's Rory, the reawakening. 576 00:22:09,413 --> 00:22:10,913 Will you two please shut up? 577 00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:12,540 Yes, I apologize. 578 00:22:12,541 --> 00:22:13,791 You stink of marijuana. 579 00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:14,626 Oh, it's not me, it's him. 580 00:22:14,627 --> 00:22:16,585 It is not me, you know it's him. 581 00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:18,045 He's wearing a fedora. 582 00:22:18,046 --> 00:22:20,756 [MARTY CHUCKLES] 583 00:22:20,757 --> 00:22:21,550 Shit. 584 00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:28,931 What's the matter? 585 00:22:28,932 --> 00:22:31,058 I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be here. 586 00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:32,518 - Oh god, are you okay? - Nana Marie. 587 00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:33,353 [SCOTT] I'm sorry, are you okay? 588 00:22:33,354 --> 00:22:35,813 Hey, hey, go, just go, just go, go. 589 00:22:35,814 --> 00:22:36,648 - Thanks. - Go. 590 00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:37,482 Ma'am, are you okay? 591 00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:38,317 Get away from me. 592 00:22:38,318 --> 00:22:39,900 Get your filthy hands off of her. 593 00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:41,027 I'm just trying to help her. 594 00:22:41,028 --> 00:22:42,821 I'm not playing grab-ass or anything. 595 00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:53,332 [SIGHS] 596 00:22:55,709 --> 00:22:56,876 You okay, Rollins? 597 00:22:56,877 --> 00:22:58,544 Yeah, yeah, how is the woman? 598 00:22:58,545 --> 00:22:59,712 Oh, the one you body slammed? 599 00:22:59,713 --> 00:23:00,547 Yes. 600 00:23:00,547 --> 00:23:01,423 That's a flagrant two, by the way. 601 00:23:01,423 --> 00:23:02,257 Okay, what happened to her? 602 00:23:02,258 --> 00:23:03,382 Uh, broken clavicle. 603 00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:05,426 - Are you serious? - No, she's fine. 604 00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:06,219 I'm just kidding. 605 00:23:07,304 --> 00:23:08,471 Thank you, by the way. 606 00:23:08,472 --> 00:23:09,264 You don't have to follow me out, 607 00:23:09,264 --> 00:23:10,140 man, you can go back inside. 608 00:23:10,141 --> 00:23:11,682 - No, actually I can't. - Why? 609 00:23:11,683 --> 00:23:14,226 Because I was properly identified. 610 00:23:14,227 --> 00:23:15,519 By who? 611 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:16,771 My son. 612 00:23:16,772 --> 00:23:20,232 Oh, this is so wonderful. 613 00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:21,901 This means you're a wake crasher too. 614 00:23:21,902 --> 00:23:23,402 Well, I was gonna talk to him 615 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:27,656 after he paid his proper respects, but it's a long story. 616 00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:29,658 - Right? - So, short answer, 617 00:23:29,659 --> 00:23:31,786 I am also a wake crasher. 618 00:23:31,787 --> 00:23:33,789 - Come on. - Yeah, let's get outta here. 619 00:23:35,207 --> 00:23:37,209 - Don't look back. - Yeah, I'm, I'm, yeah. 620 00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:39,836 Did you even know Rory? 621 00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:43,464 Not enough to have been there, no. 622 00:23:43,465 --> 00:23:46,550 I mean, I knew of him, but I knew that she knew him, so... 623 00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:48,762 Oh, so you were just there to see the girl. 624 00:23:49,721 --> 00:23:50,639 Yeah. 625 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,765 Yeah, let me guess, your ex, 626 00:23:52,766 --> 00:23:54,767 the one that got away, that old classic? 627 00:23:54,768 --> 00:23:55,602 Mm-mm. 628 00:23:55,603 --> 00:23:58,187 No, the one I ran away from. 629 00:23:58,188 --> 00:23:59,022 Oh, the remix. 630 00:23:59,022 --> 00:23:59,940 Oh, you've heard of the remix? 631 00:23:59,941 --> 00:24:01,857 Oh, so you're trying to get back together, 632 00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:04,902 or are you just a good old-fashioned stalker? 633 00:24:04,903 --> 00:24:06,904 I honestly don't even know. 634 00:24:06,905 --> 00:24:07,906 It might be the latter, 635 00:24:07,907 --> 00:24:09,991 which is really scaring the shit out of me. 636 00:24:11,660 --> 00:24:12,952 Now, how old are you? 637 00:24:12,953 --> 00:24:13,787 Why? 638 00:24:13,788 --> 00:24:15,329 You're way too young to be this defeated. 639 00:24:15,330 --> 00:24:17,289 Tony, two Jagerbombs, please. 640 00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:18,457 - Jagerbombs. - Oh yes. 641 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:20,835 - How old are you? - 65, thank you very much. 642 00:24:20,836 --> 00:24:21,920 Oo. 643 00:24:21,921 --> 00:24:23,337 You know what, maybe I should find a girl 644 00:24:23,338 --> 00:24:24,672 with daddy issues, what do you think? 645 00:24:24,673 --> 00:24:26,799 Oo, probably more like granddaddy issues, 646 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,843 what do you think about that? 647 00:24:27,844 --> 00:24:29,135 Oh, that's funny. 648 00:24:29,136 --> 00:24:30,220 Well, I'm a comedian. 649 00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:33,264 Really? 650 00:24:33,265 --> 00:24:34,224 Why do you say it like that? 651 00:24:34,224 --> 00:24:35,058 [MARTY] Well, I don't get that from you. 652 00:24:35,059 --> 00:24:36,267 What do you get from me then? 653 00:24:36,268 --> 00:24:37,977 I get an insurance adjuster. 654 00:24:37,978 --> 00:24:38,812 No. 655 00:24:38,813 --> 00:24:40,896 I get a car salesman at a Kia dealership. 656 00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:41,898 Oh wow, thank you. 657 00:24:41,899 --> 00:24:45,860 - I get a dog walker. - A dog walker? 658 00:24:45,861 --> 00:24:48,362 I get fundraiser for [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]. 659 00:24:48,363 --> 00:24:49,239 Fine, I could be a fundraiser 660 00:24:49,239 --> 00:24:50,282 for [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]. 661 00:24:50,282 --> 00:24:51,116 [BOTH LAUGHING] 662 00:24:51,117 --> 00:24:52,408 No, you're just cynical as shit. 663 00:24:52,409 --> 00:24:53,909 You're morose even, you know? 664 00:24:53,910 --> 00:24:55,286 Hey, you want some real jokes? 665 00:24:55,287 --> 00:24:56,246 [SCOTT] Yeah. 666 00:24:56,247 --> 00:24:57,830 [MARTY] My Twitter account. 667 00:24:57,831 --> 00:24:59,707 - DermatolOG. - Thank you. 668 00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:00,750 Nicely done. 669 00:25:00,751 --> 00:25:03,002 You have over 12,000 followers? 670 00:25:03,003 --> 00:25:03,837 [MARTY] That's me. 671 00:25:03,837 --> 00:25:04,754 [SCOTT] And you're verified? 672 00:25:04,754 --> 00:25:05,630 Is that what that blue check mark means? 673 00:25:05,631 --> 00:25:08,466 You know what that blue check mark means. 674 00:25:08,467 --> 00:25:11,760 When I die, I want someone to take over my account 675 00:25:11,761 --> 00:25:14,806 and tweet boo, motherfuckers, every month or so. 676 00:25:15,807 --> 00:25:17,308 This is actually, that's actually... 677 00:25:17,309 --> 00:25:18,268 [LAUGHS] 678 00:25:18,269 --> 00:25:20,060 That's actually pretty amazing. 679 00:25:20,061 --> 00:25:21,562 Well, I'm a good follow, man. 680 00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:23,439 No, no, listen, I'm serious about that too. 681 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,526 So, if you're interested, doctorsmooooth@aol.com, 682 00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:29,904 - that's four Os, thank you. - Wow, aol.com. 683 00:25:29,905 --> 00:25:31,655 You really are 65. 684 00:25:31,656 --> 00:25:33,158 What's your password, password? 685 00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:37,537 No. 686 00:25:37,537 --> 00:25:38,371 It's email. 687 00:25:38,372 --> 00:25:40,289 [SCOTT LAUGHS] 688 00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:43,751 The password for your email is email? 689 00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:45,044 Yeah, I live on the edge, man. 690 00:25:45,045 --> 00:25:46,712 Anything to throw off those Russians. 691 00:25:46,713 --> 00:25:47,963 - Oh my god. - All right. 692 00:25:47,964 --> 00:25:50,174 Here it is, mother's milk for the soul. 693 00:25:50,175 --> 00:25:51,009 - Ready? - Yeah, how do you do it? 694 00:25:51,010 --> 00:25:52,843 You just drop it in or... 695 00:25:52,844 --> 00:25:54,929 You've never done a Jagerbomb before? 696 00:25:54,930 --> 00:25:56,430 Seeing as I'm not a 19 year old sorority girl, 697 00:25:56,431 --> 00:25:57,973 no, I've never done a-- So cynical. 698 00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,017 I'm not trying, just tell me. 699 00:25:59,017 --> 00:25:59,851 What do you do, do you drop it in or what do you do? 700 00:25:59,852 --> 00:26:01,852 [MARTY] You drop it in, drink right away. 701 00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:02,938 - Right away? - Yeah. 702 00:26:02,939 --> 00:26:04,230 I can't drink fast, you sure? 703 00:26:04,231 --> 00:26:05,648 Ready, boom. 704 00:26:05,649 --> 00:26:06,483 [GLASSES CLINKING] 705 00:26:06,484 --> 00:26:08,109 Up, in, now. 706 00:26:13,532 --> 00:26:14,741 Mm, mm, mm, mm. 707 00:26:18,203 --> 00:26:19,037 I don't wanna. 708 00:26:19,037 --> 00:26:20,080 Oh, come on. 709 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:20,914 It's good for you. 710 00:26:20,915 --> 00:26:22,082 Come on, oh, come on. 711 00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:26,002 That took way too long. 712 00:26:27,003 --> 00:26:27,796 And? 713 00:26:31,132 --> 00:26:32,509 That was a tasty beverage. 714 00:26:33,802 --> 00:26:34,927 That was really fucking good. 715 00:26:34,928 --> 00:26:37,930 You see, if there's one thing I know about, it's booze. 716 00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:39,306 Not dermatological advice? 717 00:26:39,307 --> 00:26:40,225 Oh fuck no. 718 00:26:40,226 --> 00:26:41,809 Tony, two more, two more. 719 00:26:41,810 --> 00:26:43,435 Absolutely not, Tony. 720 00:26:43,436 --> 00:26:44,271 I've gotta go home. 721 00:26:44,271 --> 00:26:45,313 Who cares about your home? 722 00:26:45,314 --> 00:26:47,189 Long Island people are fantastic at drinking 723 00:26:47,190 --> 00:26:48,524 like it's their last day on earth. 724 00:26:48,525 --> 00:26:50,526 Drink up, you wake-crashing son of a bitch. 725 00:26:50,527 --> 00:26:51,694 Let's go, bombs away. 726 00:26:51,695 --> 00:26:54,280 - Yee. - Yeah, there you go. 727 00:26:54,281 --> 00:26:55,115 Drop. 728 00:26:55,116 --> 00:26:56,448 You don't even count down? 729 00:26:56,449 --> 00:26:58,158 Hoist, come on, boom. 730 00:26:58,159 --> 00:26:59,410 - Up yours. - What? 731 00:26:59,411 --> 00:27:00,744 Mm-hmm. 732 00:27:00,745 --> 00:27:02,288 Oo, for the win. 733 00:27:02,289 --> 00:27:04,456 Eight ball in the corner pocket, all right? 734 00:27:04,457 --> 00:27:06,625 Eight ball, don't be afraid of the dark, baby. 735 00:27:06,626 --> 00:27:08,294 - Take us home, Marty. - Mm-hmm. 736 00:27:08,295 --> 00:27:11,714 And if I make it, you have to go out with me. 737 00:27:11,715 --> 00:27:15,051 Oh, I told you, I'm married. 738 00:27:15,969 --> 00:27:18,971 What, to that idea, to the thing I just came up with? 739 00:27:18,972 --> 00:27:20,889 You know, I love her enthusiasm. 740 00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:22,558 Come on, I'm fun. 741 00:27:22,559 --> 00:27:24,101 - I'm a lot of fun. - Okay. 742 00:27:24,102 --> 00:27:26,103 - Yeah, all right. - Believe in yourself. 743 00:27:26,104 --> 00:27:28,522 - Woo. - Breathe in. 744 00:27:28,523 --> 00:27:30,567 [MARTY] Yeah, I'm good. 745 00:27:32,402 --> 00:27:34,279 How do you scratch... 746 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:36,447 You scratched on the eight, 747 00:27:36,448 --> 00:27:38,991 you scratched on the eight ball though. 748 00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:39,784 Ah. 749 00:27:40,994 --> 00:27:42,745 A pleasure, a pleasure. 750 00:27:42,746 --> 00:27:43,580 Very good game. 751 00:27:43,580 --> 00:27:44,414 I'm so sorry. 752 00:27:44,415 --> 00:27:46,332 Listen, it was a honor to lose to you. 753 00:27:46,333 --> 00:27:47,708 Thank you so much, it was so much fun. 754 00:27:47,709 --> 00:27:48,543 Vanessa, right? 755 00:27:48,544 --> 00:27:51,253 You know, oh god, can I buy you a drink? 756 00:27:51,254 --> 00:27:52,339 Or a car, or a condo. 757 00:27:52,340 --> 00:27:54,214 That's a lot, that's a lot, take it down a notch. 758 00:27:54,215 --> 00:27:55,050 Take it down a notch. 759 00:27:55,050 --> 00:27:56,092 The four of us could live together. 760 00:27:56,093 --> 00:27:57,718 - We'd be great. - We gotta go. 761 00:27:57,719 --> 00:27:58,553 You see? 762 00:27:58,553 --> 00:27:59,387 That's the story of my life. 763 00:27:59,387 --> 00:28:00,347 The good ones just always go. 764 00:28:00,348 --> 00:28:02,473 - So go, please. - Your dad's a charmer. 765 00:28:02,474 --> 00:28:03,516 Apparently, right? 766 00:28:03,517 --> 00:28:05,434 Okay, all right, bye. 767 00:28:05,435 --> 00:28:06,478 Don't you wanna walk them out, Dad? 768 00:28:06,478 --> 00:28:07,437 Yeah, you know, actually, I do. 769 00:28:07,437 --> 00:28:08,271 I bet you do. 770 00:28:08,272 --> 00:28:09,396 Yeah, hey, girls, girls. 771 00:28:09,397 --> 00:28:12,107 Would you do me a favor and just call me when you get home, 772 00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:13,525 'cause you know how I worry. 773 00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:15,569 [HIP HOP MUSIC] 774 00:28:15,570 --> 00:28:17,404 Oh, you know, what did I tell you guys? 775 00:28:17,405 --> 00:28:19,073 Oh, Marty, not again, man. 776 00:28:19,074 --> 00:28:20,741 You know, if you're gonna pump money into that machine, 777 00:28:20,742 --> 00:28:22,534 you might as well play the original stuff. 778 00:28:22,535 --> 00:28:23,952 What's the original stuff? 779 00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:25,412 You don't know? 780 00:28:25,413 --> 00:28:26,247 He don't know. 781 00:28:26,248 --> 00:28:27,414 Here we go. 782 00:28:27,415 --> 00:28:29,083 Hip hop, rap, all comes 783 00:28:29,084 --> 00:28:31,543 from the same thing, jazz and soul. 784 00:28:31,544 --> 00:28:32,629 [XAVIER] All right, I'll play a little 785 00:28:32,630 --> 00:28:33,754 Sly and the Family Stone next. 786 00:28:33,755 --> 00:28:34,589 Take me higher. 787 00:28:34,590 --> 00:28:36,840 - Look at this. - Grandpa knows his shit. 788 00:28:36,841 --> 00:28:38,384 Hey, first of all, I am a grandpa. 789 00:28:38,385 --> 00:28:40,302 And second, I do know my shit. 790 00:28:40,303 --> 00:28:41,762 [BOTH LAUGHING] 791 00:28:41,763 --> 00:28:42,847 Hey, these are my nephews. 792 00:28:42,848 --> 00:28:44,098 This is Xavier. 793 00:28:44,099 --> 00:28:45,349 Rocket ship. 794 00:28:45,350 --> 00:28:46,434 Boo, and this is Aaron. 795 00:28:46,435 --> 00:28:47,685 Yeah, all right. 796 00:28:47,686 --> 00:28:49,061 It's nice to meet you guys. 797 00:28:49,062 --> 00:28:50,187 Nice to meet you too, man. 798 00:28:50,188 --> 00:28:52,356 We're not really his nephews. 799 00:28:52,357 --> 00:28:53,482 No, I figured, I mean. 800 00:28:53,483 --> 00:28:54,484 Why did you tell him? 801 00:28:54,484 --> 00:28:55,318 He was gonna find out. 802 00:28:55,319 --> 00:28:56,610 He was not gonna find out. 803 00:28:56,611 --> 00:28:58,697 He's a mil-- Here, here, here, here. 804 00:29:00,323 --> 00:29:02,366 So you found out about the wake 805 00:29:02,367 --> 00:29:04,410 on Facebook and crashed it? 806 00:29:04,411 --> 00:29:05,661 It wasn't just me, it was him too. 807 00:29:05,662 --> 00:29:06,870 Just a little bit. 808 00:29:06,871 --> 00:29:08,706 Facebook's messed up like that, man. 809 00:29:08,707 --> 00:29:09,957 I mean, too much information can 810 00:29:09,958 --> 00:29:11,375 be a bad thing, you know what I mean? 811 00:29:11,376 --> 00:29:12,543 Man, screw social media. 812 00:29:12,544 --> 00:29:14,044 Screw social media is right. 813 00:29:14,045 --> 00:29:16,422 Facebook as an adult is all like political rants. 814 00:29:16,423 --> 00:29:17,923 It's just so fucking stupid. 815 00:29:17,924 --> 00:29:19,508 People checking in everywhere they go 816 00:29:19,509 --> 00:29:20,801 like anyone gives a fuck. 817 00:29:20,802 --> 00:29:23,095 And those damn inspirational quotes. 818 00:29:23,096 --> 00:29:24,847 Oh my god, 'cause that's what I need. 819 00:29:24,848 --> 00:29:26,724 Someone I haven't heard from since the 10th grade 820 00:29:26,725 --> 00:29:28,767 tell me to dance like nobody's watching. 821 00:29:28,768 --> 00:29:30,811 Come on, like, you know what I'm saying? 822 00:29:30,812 --> 00:29:32,354 Wait, what about the baby pictures? 823 00:29:32,355 --> 00:29:33,189 That's all I ever see. 824 00:29:33,190 --> 00:29:35,607 Don't get me started on baby pictures. 825 00:29:35,608 --> 00:29:37,109 You're proud of your baby, I get it, 826 00:29:37,110 --> 00:29:38,986 but unless your kid is riding a motorcycle 827 00:29:38,987 --> 00:29:41,488 through like a flaming hoop or is the new drummer 828 00:29:41,489 --> 00:29:44,408 for Van Halen, I don't need to see four pictures a day. 829 00:29:44,409 --> 00:29:45,285 You get one. 830 00:29:45,286 --> 00:29:47,536 Everybody gets one baby picture and that's it. 831 00:29:47,537 --> 00:29:51,248 Van fucking Halen. 832 00:29:51,249 --> 00:29:52,916 - My man. - That is the whitest 833 00:29:52,917 --> 00:29:54,585 goddamn reference I've heard in a long time. 834 00:29:54,586 --> 00:29:56,128 Do you wanna hear white? 835 00:29:56,129 --> 00:29:58,672 Today, I spent an hour downloading NPR podcasts 836 00:29:58,673 --> 00:29:59,507 in a Jamba Juice. 837 00:29:59,508 --> 00:30:01,092 - So... - Wow. 838 00:30:02,260 --> 00:30:03,927 Ladies and gentlemen, step right up 839 00:30:03,928 --> 00:30:06,054 and meet the whitest motherfucker in the world. 840 00:30:06,055 --> 00:30:07,639 Hello, everybody. 841 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:11,435 I once bought a Bon Iver album in a Whole Foods. 842 00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:12,395 Give me some more. 843 00:30:13,354 --> 00:30:15,440 [MARTY] Mm, come on, be a man. 844 00:30:17,567 --> 00:30:21,404 There you go, there you go, there you go. 845 00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:24,656 I really needed this. 846 00:30:24,657 --> 00:30:26,116 Why is that? 847 00:30:26,117 --> 00:30:28,577 I just haven't been out much since I've been back. 848 00:30:28,578 --> 00:30:30,370 All my friends have adult lives. 849 00:30:30,371 --> 00:30:31,872 It's such a mind-fuck. 850 00:30:31,873 --> 00:30:32,749 Yeah, well... 851 00:30:36,503 --> 00:30:40,714 The older you get, the less friends you have. 852 00:30:40,715 --> 00:30:43,091 I just feel like I would have my life figured out by now. 853 00:30:43,092 --> 00:30:44,551 I mean, all my friends do. 854 00:30:44,552 --> 00:30:46,261 Let me tell you something about life, 855 00:30:46,262 --> 00:30:47,763 nobody has their shit figured out. 856 00:30:47,764 --> 00:30:49,723 Everybody moves at their own speed. 857 00:30:49,724 --> 00:30:53,018 I understand that, but I just fucking regret the way-- 858 00:30:53,019 --> 00:30:53,895 Something about the blonde? 859 00:30:53,895 --> 00:30:54,979 Yes, yes, yes. 860 00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:57,314 Because when I left, she said that I was the one. 861 00:30:57,315 --> 00:30:58,149 Those were her words. 862 00:30:58,150 --> 00:31:01,151 She told all my friends, she said that I was the one. 863 00:31:01,152 --> 00:31:02,778 I hear you, I hear you, and that's cool. 864 00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:05,572 But maybe she wasn't the one for you. 865 00:31:05,573 --> 00:31:06,407 You know? 866 00:31:06,408 --> 00:31:07,908 'Cause sometimes those things don't always line up. 867 00:31:07,909 --> 00:31:10,494 That's why the good lord gave us weed and booze, you know? 868 00:31:10,495 --> 00:31:12,830 They're numbing agents against regret, 869 00:31:12,831 --> 00:31:16,251 because regret is real. 870 00:31:17,544 --> 00:31:19,586 It's one of the few things in the world that is. 871 00:31:19,587 --> 00:31:20,421 How so? 872 00:31:20,422 --> 00:31:21,880 What does that even mean? 873 00:31:21,881 --> 00:31:25,259 It means that happiness fades, okay? 874 00:31:25,260 --> 00:31:29,012 And sadness dulls over time, it just does every time. 875 00:31:29,013 --> 00:31:32,724 But regret, that shit is real, man. 876 00:31:32,725 --> 00:31:33,852 That shit lingers. 877 00:31:35,770 --> 00:31:37,814 [COUGHS] 878 00:31:38,773 --> 00:31:43,736 I saw a little hint of the comedian back at the bar. 879 00:31:44,737 --> 00:31:45,822 You were funny, man, you were really funny. 880 00:31:45,823 --> 00:31:48,198 - Nah, come on. - No, it's cool. 881 00:31:48,199 --> 00:31:49,449 You gonna be working anytime soon? 882 00:31:49,450 --> 00:31:50,951 'Cause I would come and check you out. 883 00:31:50,952 --> 00:31:52,452 Oh no. 884 00:31:52,453 --> 00:31:53,745 I'm not feeling really funny lately. 885 00:31:53,746 --> 00:31:56,081 Oh, too bad. 886 00:31:56,082 --> 00:31:57,499 It's a Tuesday night and you're a little drunk 887 00:31:57,500 --> 00:31:59,668 and you're smoking dope with your dermatologist, 888 00:31:59,669 --> 00:32:00,503 you should... 889 00:32:00,503 --> 00:32:01,588 [BOTH LAUGHING] 890 00:32:01,589 --> 00:32:03,297 You should write that shit down. 891 00:32:03,298 --> 00:32:06,174 Write that shit down, I'd pay to see that. 892 00:32:06,175 --> 00:32:07,801 I don't talk about my personal life. 893 00:32:07,802 --> 00:32:10,346 I do more like jokes and bits. 894 00:32:12,098 --> 00:32:12,932 Jokes and bits? 895 00:32:12,933 --> 00:32:14,892 Yeah, jokes and, why are you looking at me like that? 896 00:32:14,893 --> 00:32:15,768 I don't know what that is. 897 00:32:15,769 --> 00:32:19,146 I get on the stage and I tell, I say funny words. 898 00:32:19,147 --> 00:32:20,523 - Funny words? - Yeah. 899 00:32:21,608 --> 00:32:22,442 All right. 900 00:32:22,443 --> 00:32:23,859 You know, the guys I like the best are the guys who are real 901 00:32:23,860 --> 00:32:26,612 that talk about real stuff in their life, you know? 902 00:32:26,613 --> 00:32:28,572 The real guys are the ones that you remember. 903 00:32:28,573 --> 00:32:29,365 [SCOTT] Mm. 904 00:32:30,575 --> 00:32:31,950 Why don't you talk about your real life? 905 00:32:31,951 --> 00:32:34,411 - I don't really have a life. - That's hilarious. 906 00:32:34,412 --> 00:32:35,330 That's not supposed to be funny. 907 00:32:35,331 --> 00:32:36,622 - That's hilarious. - That's sad and depressing. 908 00:32:36,623 --> 00:32:37,540 Don't laugh at that. 909 00:32:37,541 --> 00:32:40,500 And you're laughing that I'm a fucking loser. 910 00:32:40,501 --> 00:32:42,461 What about you, what about you, huh? 911 00:32:42,462 --> 00:32:43,296 What, what about me? 912 00:32:43,297 --> 00:32:45,464 Was the big dream to be a suburban dermatologist? 913 00:32:45,465 --> 00:32:47,174 No, no no no no no. 914 00:32:47,175 --> 00:32:50,344 I started out in medicine, in general medicine. 915 00:32:50,345 --> 00:32:51,470 I was gonna be a surgeon. 916 00:32:51,471 --> 00:32:55,015 I was a resident at St. Anthony's in Bethpage, Long Island. 917 00:32:55,016 --> 00:32:57,143 Dude, that's where I was born. 918 00:32:58,061 --> 00:33:00,437 I thought you looked familiar. 919 00:33:00,438 --> 00:33:01,272 You see this face? 920 00:33:01,273 --> 00:33:02,689 It was that newborn with that head of hair. 921 00:33:02,690 --> 00:33:03,524 That's me. 922 00:33:03,525 --> 00:33:05,318 I was all hair when I came out. 923 00:33:08,446 --> 00:33:12,866 No, I just had this interesting epiphany. 924 00:33:12,867 --> 00:33:15,118 - I was terrified of blood. - Jeez. 925 00:33:15,119 --> 00:33:16,703 Yeah, freaked me out. 926 00:33:16,704 --> 00:33:18,413 So I made a U-turn, went back to school, 927 00:33:18,414 --> 00:33:20,916 and reemerged as a doctor of de skin. 928 00:33:20,917 --> 00:33:21,751 [SCOTT] Mm. 929 00:33:21,752 --> 00:33:23,961 And it was more mellow and better for me. 930 00:33:23,962 --> 00:33:26,171 And at the time, I needed more structure, 931 00:33:26,172 --> 00:33:30,425 'cause I was living hard. 932 00:33:30,426 --> 00:33:32,302 I was running in the fast line. 933 00:33:32,303 --> 00:33:34,137 - Like a rolling stone. - Yeah, like Keith Richards. 934 00:33:34,138 --> 00:33:35,639 - Like Keith Richards. - Yeah, man. 935 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:36,599 It was... 936 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:41,062 And then my first wife died and I needed to regroup and... 937 00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:43,647 I'm sorry about that, man, I had no idea. 938 00:33:43,648 --> 00:33:45,857 Why would you, you know? 939 00:33:45,858 --> 00:33:50,362 I had a second wife and she died too. 940 00:33:50,363 --> 00:33:51,322 Jesus Christ. 941 00:33:51,323 --> 00:33:54,074 Yeah, yeah, but hey listen, I'm not the Durst guy. 942 00:33:54,075 --> 00:33:55,450 You know, I'm not, no. 943 00:33:55,451 --> 00:33:58,996 Just, they were both different situations. 944 00:33:58,997 --> 00:34:00,373 But both, you know. 945 00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:03,918 But my second wife was a godsend. 946 00:34:05,545 --> 00:34:07,337 She just helped me. 947 00:34:07,338 --> 00:34:10,215 I really needed to tame the beast, so to speak. 948 00:34:10,216 --> 00:34:11,009 And... 949 00:34:12,802 --> 00:34:15,470 Is that why your kid didn't want to see you today? 950 00:34:15,471 --> 00:34:16,723 Wasn't a fan of the beast? 951 00:34:21,185 --> 00:34:23,229 No, he's not a fan of the beast. 952 00:34:26,399 --> 00:34:27,483 Yeah. 953 00:34:27,483 --> 00:34:28,276 [COP] Freeze. 954 00:34:28,277 --> 00:34:29,776 Stay where you are, the both of you. 955 00:34:29,777 --> 00:34:30,611 It's the cops. 956 00:34:30,611 --> 00:34:31,446 What should I do with the joint? 957 00:34:31,446 --> 00:34:32,363 - Should I eat it? - Eat it? 958 00:34:32,363 --> 00:34:33,197 All right. 959 00:34:33,197 --> 00:34:34,073 No no no, what are you fucking doing? 960 00:34:34,074 --> 00:34:35,323 You just swallowed... 961 00:34:35,324 --> 00:34:36,159 I said it like a question. 962 00:34:36,159 --> 00:34:37,201 I said eat it? 963 00:34:37,202 --> 00:34:39,619 - Hands where I can see them. - Yeah, yep. 964 00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:41,663 Act like you're not high. [WINDOW TAPPING] 965 00:34:41,664 --> 00:34:44,166 - Lower the window. - Yeah, of course. 966 00:34:44,167 --> 00:34:45,542 Lower it down. 967 00:34:45,543 --> 00:34:47,753 [WINDOW WHIRRING] 968 00:34:47,754 --> 00:34:49,629 - All the way down. - It's just an old car. 969 00:34:49,630 --> 00:34:52,049 - All the way down. - Here it comes. 970 00:34:52,050 --> 00:34:53,176 Here it comes. 971 00:34:54,927 --> 00:34:56,762 - Is that weed I smell? - No. 972 00:34:56,763 --> 00:34:58,638 No, no no no no no. 973 00:34:58,639 --> 00:35:01,433 We're actually-- [MARTY COUGHS] 974 00:35:01,434 --> 00:35:02,226 [COP] Oh. 975 00:35:03,269 --> 00:35:04,353 I'm sorry. 976 00:35:04,353 --> 00:35:05,313 Why don't you shut your fucking mouth? 977 00:35:05,314 --> 00:35:06,688 You're right, we should shut our fucking mouths. 978 00:35:06,689 --> 00:35:07,523 We should shut our fucking mouths. 979 00:35:07,523 --> 00:35:08,441 We should get the hell out of here. 980 00:35:08,442 --> 00:35:10,526 We shouldn't even be here to begin with. 981 00:35:12,403 --> 00:35:14,405 I am sorry, is your name Ruis? 982 00:35:15,323 --> 00:35:16,740 - Yes. - Yes. 983 00:35:16,741 --> 00:35:19,993 Dude, Scott, I'm Meg's brother. 984 00:35:19,994 --> 00:35:22,287 - Wait, Scott? - Yes, dude, Scott. 985 00:35:22,288 --> 00:35:23,747 - Hey, man, how you doing? - What's up, brother? 986 00:35:23,748 --> 00:35:25,874 - I'm so happy to meet you. - Good to meet you, man. 987 00:35:25,875 --> 00:35:27,292 - This is Marty. - Oh hey. 988 00:35:27,293 --> 00:35:30,003 I'm sorry, Marty, how you doing? 989 00:35:30,004 --> 00:35:30,963 He swallowed his joint 990 00:35:30,964 --> 00:35:32,422 because we thought you were gonna kill us. 991 00:35:32,423 --> 00:35:33,466 [MARTY] I'll find it later. 992 00:35:33,467 --> 00:35:36,010 [ALL LAUGHING] 993 00:35:36,928 --> 00:35:37,720 Mm. 994 00:35:38,971 --> 00:35:40,056 That's really good weed, Marty. 995 00:35:40,057 --> 00:35:42,724 Ruis, I gotta say, the way you came at us, 996 00:35:42,725 --> 00:35:44,601 oo, I fucking loved it. 997 00:35:44,602 --> 00:35:46,228 - Pretty cool, right? - Yes, very cool. 998 00:35:46,229 --> 00:35:47,230 It's kinda like hey. 999 00:35:48,606 --> 00:35:49,816 Shut your fucking mouth. 1000 00:35:50,942 --> 00:35:52,567 That was scary. 1001 00:35:52,568 --> 00:35:53,402 It's good, right? 1002 00:35:53,403 --> 00:35:55,153 Yeah, that's pretty scary. 1003 00:35:55,154 --> 00:35:57,447 - I try. - Yeah, it's good. 1004 00:35:57,448 --> 00:35:58,491 You guys should try it, man. 1005 00:35:58,492 --> 00:35:59,741 Like, this whole the cop thing. 1006 00:35:59,742 --> 00:36:00,867 It's really fun. 1007 00:36:00,868 --> 00:36:04,579 Really, you know, brings it out, you know? 1008 00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:05,373 Oh. 1009 00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:09,459 Don't move a muscle, scumbag. 1010 00:36:09,460 --> 00:36:10,710 Because if you move a muscle, 1011 00:36:10,711 --> 00:36:12,712 I'ma shoot you in your asshole. 1012 00:36:12,713 --> 00:36:13,548 - Yeah. - Ow. 1013 00:36:13,549 --> 00:36:15,048 Praying for your life won't do you any good 1014 00:36:15,049 --> 00:36:17,342 'cause right now, you're looking into the eyes 1015 00:36:17,343 --> 00:36:18,885 of the devil himself. 1016 00:36:18,886 --> 00:36:20,762 - That's really good. - Every duck has his limit. 1017 00:36:20,763 --> 00:36:23,432 And you, scum, just pushed me over the line. 1018 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:25,434 Duck? 1019 00:36:25,434 --> 00:36:26,269 You can use it if you want. 1020 00:36:26,270 --> 00:36:28,311 But full disclosure, it is from "Howard the Duck" so... 1021 00:36:28,312 --> 00:36:29,313 That was cinema. 1022 00:36:29,314 --> 00:36:31,314 - Oh, that's a good movie. - Oh wow, oh wow. 1023 00:36:31,315 --> 00:36:32,899 - I love that movie. - I love that, yeah. 1024 00:36:32,900 --> 00:36:35,360 It's insane, that's an Oscar film. 1025 00:36:35,361 --> 00:36:36,320 So let me ask you something. 1026 00:36:36,321 --> 00:36:38,280 Were you gonna arrest us? 1027 00:36:38,281 --> 00:36:39,282 No, no. 1028 00:36:39,283 --> 00:36:40,657 I can't arrest anyone. 1029 00:36:40,658 --> 00:36:42,701 [MARTY] So you give us a ticket? 1030 00:36:42,702 --> 00:36:45,453 You know, it's fucked up, I can't even give tickets. 1031 00:36:45,454 --> 00:36:46,330 Well, what can you do? 1032 00:36:46,331 --> 00:36:47,497 What can you do? 1033 00:36:47,498 --> 00:36:48,291 Nothing. 1034 00:36:49,292 --> 00:36:52,419 You can just show up and just tell people to go home. 1035 00:36:52,420 --> 00:36:54,421 You know, it's like, hey! 1036 00:36:54,422 --> 00:36:57,382 Go home and watch Netflix and eat Doritos. 1037 00:36:57,383 --> 00:37:00,135 Oh my god. 1038 00:37:00,136 --> 00:37:03,389 Ruis, I gotta say it, you're fucking awesome. 1039 00:37:04,348 --> 00:37:05,141 I know, right? 1040 00:37:07,101 --> 00:37:09,561 You guys want a ride home? 1041 00:37:09,562 --> 00:37:10,605 Yeah yeah yeah, if you don't give me a ride home, 1042 00:37:10,606 --> 00:37:12,230 I'm gonna hurt myself. 1043 00:37:12,231 --> 00:37:14,232 Yeah, and you know what? 1044 00:37:14,233 --> 00:37:18,236 Even though I happen to be a fantastic drunk driver, 1045 00:37:18,237 --> 00:37:19,404 I think it's the wrong thing. 1046 00:37:19,405 --> 00:37:22,949 So I'll get my car tomorrow, I'll take a ride with you now. 1047 00:37:22,950 --> 00:37:24,284 - Let's go. - Shall we? 1048 00:37:24,285 --> 00:37:25,535 - Yes, let's go. - Great. 1049 00:37:25,536 --> 00:37:26,621 - Oh. - My bad. 1050 00:37:26,622 --> 00:37:28,580 - Careful along the maze. - Yeah. 1051 00:37:28,581 --> 00:37:29,831 - Careful. - Okay. 1052 00:37:29,832 --> 00:37:31,708 - Ow, fuck. - This way. 1053 00:37:31,709 --> 00:37:32,876 - Yeah, of course. - This way. 1054 00:37:32,877 --> 00:37:35,545 - Scott, this way. - Yeah, dude. 1055 00:37:35,546 --> 00:37:37,505 - I don't know which way to go? - Yeah. 1056 00:37:37,506 --> 00:37:39,300 [SCOTT] I'm like 34. 1057 00:37:40,718 --> 00:37:44,179 [CAR HORN HONKING] 1058 00:37:44,180 --> 00:37:46,598 Let me know when you find that joint, all right? 1059 00:37:46,599 --> 00:37:50,143 [RUIS] Yeah, and don't smoke it. 1060 00:37:50,144 --> 00:37:51,269 Hey, put the weapon down. 1061 00:37:51,270 --> 00:37:56,234 Put the weapon down. [CAR HORN HONKING] 1062 00:37:59,028 --> 00:38:01,906 [SOFT PIANO MUSIC] 1063 00:38:08,037 --> 00:38:10,665 [MARTY HUMMING] 1064 00:38:44,991 --> 00:38:45,783 Scotty. 1065 00:38:46,826 --> 00:38:48,910 Scotty, are you awake? 1066 00:38:48,911 --> 00:38:49,745 No. 1067 00:38:49,746 --> 00:38:51,204 I'm just checking you're not oversleeping 1068 00:38:51,205 --> 00:38:52,372 for an appointment or anything. 1069 00:38:52,373 --> 00:38:53,581 Do you know what time it is? 1070 00:38:53,582 --> 00:38:54,542 Yeah, Mom. 1071 00:38:54,543 --> 00:38:56,459 It's 4:67, we're fine. 1072 00:38:56,460 --> 00:38:59,296 4:67 isn't a time, honey. 1073 00:38:59,297 --> 00:39:00,131 Oh man. 1074 00:39:00,131 --> 00:39:01,132 Okay, and where's your car? 1075 00:39:01,133 --> 00:39:03,049 I didn't see it outside. 1076 00:39:03,050 --> 00:39:04,759 Um. 1077 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:06,553 Battery died. 1078 00:39:06,554 --> 00:39:07,388 I need a jump today, okay? 1079 00:39:07,389 --> 00:39:09,806 Well, I guess it's finally starting to show its age. 1080 00:39:09,807 --> 00:39:11,224 But when you get up, you wanna do me a favor? 1081 00:39:11,225 --> 00:39:12,350 Yeah, 100%. 1082 00:39:12,351 --> 00:39:16,855 But first, Mom, can you get me like a bucket of Advil 1083 00:39:16,856 --> 00:39:18,148 and like some Eggos. 1084 00:39:18,149 --> 00:39:20,192 Oh, I love you very much. 1085 00:39:21,485 --> 00:39:22,862 I love you too. 1086 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:25,740 - Now get up. - Yeah. 1087 00:39:45,593 --> 00:39:48,387 [SANDER WHIRRING] 1088 00:39:59,273 --> 00:40:02,650 Why are you sanding the screen? 1089 00:40:02,651 --> 00:40:03,486 What? 1090 00:40:03,487 --> 00:40:05,195 Why are you sanding the screen? 1091 00:40:05,196 --> 00:40:07,530 Well, in order to re-stain the screens, 1092 00:40:07,531 --> 00:40:09,574 one must first sand them. 1093 00:40:09,575 --> 00:40:10,909 Yeah. 1094 00:40:10,910 --> 00:40:11,744 Yeah, a new stain would look good. 1095 00:40:11,745 --> 00:40:12,870 That's a good idea. 1096 00:40:15,414 --> 00:40:16,706 You need something, Scott? 1097 00:40:16,707 --> 00:40:17,541 No. 1098 00:40:17,541 --> 00:40:18,334 Um. 1099 00:40:19,418 --> 00:40:20,252 I just wanted to tell you 1100 00:40:20,253 --> 00:40:22,837 that I'm not gonna be staying here for too much longer. 1101 00:40:22,838 --> 00:40:23,881 I'm gonna get a place of my own. 1102 00:40:23,882 --> 00:40:25,715 I've already been looking on Craigslist. 1103 00:40:25,716 --> 00:40:28,051 Well, how much is this place of your own gonna cost? 1104 00:40:28,052 --> 00:40:29,469 You don't have to worry about it. 1105 00:40:29,470 --> 00:40:31,763 I went down to Governor's, I'm scheduling a set for myself. 1106 00:40:31,764 --> 00:40:34,307 And I know I shouldn't be starting on open mics again, 1107 00:40:34,308 --> 00:40:35,142 but if I want to get paid for standup-- 1108 00:40:35,143 --> 00:40:36,768 Scott, come on. 1109 00:40:36,769 --> 00:40:40,480 Enough of this fantasy land bullshit. 1110 00:40:40,481 --> 00:40:42,565 I know you probably don't wanna hear that. 1111 00:40:42,566 --> 00:40:43,900 Probably? 1112 00:40:43,901 --> 00:40:46,236 Okay, I'll tell you a story, all right? 1113 00:40:46,237 --> 00:40:48,947 Um, a couple summers back, when your uncle Jeffrey and I, 1114 00:40:48,948 --> 00:40:51,408 we went to Vegas, we were on this incredible heater 1115 00:40:51,409 --> 00:40:53,284 on the three card tables at the MGM Grand. 1116 00:40:53,285 --> 00:40:56,621 So, the pit boss, he gives us a couple of comps. 1117 00:40:56,622 --> 00:40:58,289 That night, we go to see Brad Garrett. 1118 00:40:58,290 --> 00:41:01,292 And I gotta tell you, Son, he was just fucking hilarious. 1119 00:41:01,293 --> 00:41:04,212 I laughed so hard, I spit gin and tonic all over your uncle. 1120 00:41:04,213 --> 00:41:06,673 It was coming out of my goddamn nose. 1121 00:41:06,674 --> 00:41:07,841 Why are you telling me this? 1122 00:41:07,842 --> 00:41:10,301 I'm sorry, Scott, but you're no Brad Garrett. 1123 00:41:10,302 --> 00:41:12,679 Oh my, are you serious? 1124 00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:13,722 That's where you were going? 1125 00:41:13,723 --> 00:41:16,349 Look, you wanted to give it a shot, I get that, okay? 1126 00:41:16,350 --> 00:41:18,643 And fine, the lumberyard's not for you. 1127 00:41:18,644 --> 00:41:19,687 Please, let's not do this again. 1128 00:41:19,688 --> 00:41:21,604 No no, just listen to me. 1129 00:41:21,605 --> 00:41:23,314 That is what it is, okay? 1130 00:41:23,315 --> 00:41:26,151 Just go and find yourself a real job. 1131 00:41:26,152 --> 00:41:27,027 You're in your 30s 1132 00:41:27,028 --> 00:41:29,612 and you're telling jokes for pocket change. 1133 00:41:29,613 --> 00:41:30,989 You're better than that. 1134 00:41:30,990 --> 00:41:33,741 I mean, why don't you go and tell your jokes in an office? 1135 00:41:33,742 --> 00:41:34,577 Okay? 1136 00:41:34,578 --> 00:41:36,077 I mean, be that guy. 1137 00:41:36,078 --> 00:41:37,538 The funny mailman. 1138 00:41:41,333 --> 00:41:43,960 [SOMBER MUSIC] 1139 00:41:43,961 --> 00:41:45,921 [SIGHS] 1140 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:09,527 What up, Marty, how you feeling? 1141 00:42:09,528 --> 00:42:11,488 Oh man. 1142 00:42:11,489 --> 00:42:13,114 How do I look? 1143 00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:15,159 - You look like a five. - A five? 1144 00:42:16,327 --> 00:42:18,119 Uh, this today? 1145 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:19,246 This is so recent. 1146 00:42:21,665 --> 00:42:23,041 I got a fresh one coming out in two minutes. 1147 00:42:23,042 --> 00:42:23,876 Thank you. 1148 00:42:23,877 --> 00:42:28,046 Give me two regular, nice and hot, crush red on the side, 1149 00:42:28,047 --> 00:42:31,466 and, um, a Thorazine smoothie. 1150 00:42:31,467 --> 00:42:33,551 - Yeah, the usual. - Yeah. 1151 00:42:33,552 --> 00:42:34,345 Uh, oh. 1152 00:42:35,513 --> 00:42:37,180 [ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC] 1153 00:42:37,181 --> 00:42:39,141 [SIGHS] 1154 00:43:25,980 --> 00:43:27,939 Welcome to Do the Twist, can I help you, sir? 1155 00:43:27,940 --> 00:43:30,024 Oh, I hope so, uh... 1156 00:43:30,025 --> 00:43:31,526 - Sanjay. - Sanjay. 1157 00:43:31,527 --> 00:43:34,320 Sanjay, see, I got an enormous problem. 1158 00:43:34,321 --> 00:43:35,114 A problem? 1159 00:43:35,115 --> 00:43:37,865 Yeah, I got one of those new coconut pretzels, 1160 00:43:37,866 --> 00:43:39,450 you know what I'm talking about? 1161 00:43:39,451 --> 00:43:40,286 - Yes. - Yeah. 1162 00:43:40,286 --> 00:43:41,120 I bet you think they're delicious, right? 1163 00:43:41,121 --> 00:43:42,453 They're nice. 1164 00:43:42,454 --> 00:43:44,331 They made me shit my pants, Sanjay. 1165 00:43:45,457 --> 00:43:46,624 Oh. 1166 00:43:46,625 --> 00:43:47,459 No. 1167 00:43:47,459 --> 00:43:48,294 Oh no is right, Sanjay. 1168 00:43:48,295 --> 00:43:49,877 That's why I'm here, retribution. 1169 00:43:49,878 --> 00:43:51,212 I'm here to get what's mine. 1170 00:43:51,213 --> 00:43:53,047 Where is your manager, I wanna talk to your manager. 1171 00:43:53,048 --> 00:43:53,882 Is this her? 1172 00:43:53,883 --> 00:43:55,550 Is this the woman that made me shit my pants? 1173 00:43:55,551 --> 00:43:56,843 No no no, she did not make you-- 1174 00:43:56,844 --> 00:43:57,761 She did. 1175 00:43:57,762 --> 00:43:59,220 Go make pretzel dough, Sanjay. 1176 00:43:59,221 --> 00:44:00,014 Okay. 1177 00:44:01,974 --> 00:44:02,808 May I help you? 1178 00:44:04,435 --> 00:44:05,935 You left your wallet at home. 1179 00:44:05,936 --> 00:44:07,270 Mom asked me to bring it to you. 1180 00:44:07,271 --> 00:44:08,938 She's afraid to get pulled over and a cop would be like, 1181 00:44:08,939 --> 00:44:09,773 where's your license? 1182 00:44:09,774 --> 00:44:10,982 That woman is a saint on earth. 1183 00:44:10,983 --> 00:44:11,900 [SCOTT] She's incredible. 1184 00:44:11,901 --> 00:44:13,277 She's incredible, yeah. 1185 00:44:16,238 --> 00:44:18,698 What's with the sunglasses, Dirty Harry? 1186 00:44:18,699 --> 00:44:21,200 What's with the sunglasses is that 34 year old hangovers 1187 00:44:21,201 --> 00:44:23,453 feel like brain cancer. 1188 00:44:23,454 --> 00:44:24,662 Light hurts. 1189 00:44:24,663 --> 00:44:26,581 Ruis said you were at a playground late last night 1190 00:44:26,582 --> 00:44:28,207 with an old man. 1191 00:44:28,208 --> 00:44:29,293 Sounds like a real rager. 1192 00:44:29,294 --> 00:44:32,754 That is actually accurate. 1193 00:44:32,755 --> 00:44:35,048 But also, totally not as weird as it sounds. 1194 00:44:35,049 --> 00:44:36,966 - I highly doubt that. - Oh okay, well, you're wrong. 1195 00:44:36,967 --> 00:44:38,551 Your dad is wrong. 1196 00:44:38,552 --> 00:44:40,178 - Give me a pretzel. - Give me some money. 1197 00:44:40,179 --> 00:44:42,138 Oh my goodness. 1198 00:44:42,139 --> 00:44:44,098 Are you really trying to shake me down? 1199 00:44:44,099 --> 00:44:46,351 Can you believe this, Sanjay? 1200 00:44:46,352 --> 00:44:48,895 I am close, personal friends with Ruis now. 1201 00:44:48,896 --> 00:44:50,063 I can call him any time I want. 1202 00:44:50,064 --> 00:44:51,189 That is bullshit. 1203 00:44:51,190 --> 00:44:52,024 Oh, really? 1204 00:44:52,025 --> 00:44:56,152 917-543-6-- Okay. 1205 00:44:56,153 --> 00:44:57,862 You get one pretzel. 1206 00:44:57,863 --> 00:44:59,322 I want my pretzel to be salted. 1207 00:44:59,323 --> 00:45:00,115 Salted. 1208 00:45:01,492 --> 00:45:02,368 Basic bitch. 1209 00:45:02,369 --> 00:45:04,744 Wow, how dare you. 1210 00:45:04,745 --> 00:45:06,205 I am a classic man. 1211 00:45:07,164 --> 00:45:08,289 I'm a classic man. 1212 00:45:08,290 --> 00:45:09,875 I know what I like and I eat it. 1213 00:45:12,961 --> 00:45:15,172 [SNIFFING] 1214 00:45:16,548 --> 00:45:18,008 Thank you for bringing this. 1215 00:45:19,843 --> 00:45:20,968 I love you, I guess. 1216 00:45:20,969 --> 00:45:22,720 I love you too. 1217 00:45:22,721 --> 00:45:24,305 Also questionably. 1218 00:45:24,306 --> 00:45:26,683 Let's not talk about it again, okay? 1219 00:45:26,684 --> 00:45:28,476 I love you too, Sanjay. 1220 00:45:28,477 --> 00:45:30,228 - I love you. - Bye. 1221 00:45:30,229 --> 00:45:31,939 - I'm gonna head out. - Go to bed. 1222 00:45:33,023 --> 00:45:34,900 - I'll talk to you soon. - Okay, bye. 1223 00:45:46,787 --> 00:45:47,996 Holy shit. 1224 00:45:49,957 --> 00:45:51,207 Wait one second, okay? 1225 00:45:51,208 --> 00:45:52,960 Wait one second, wait one second. 1226 00:45:58,924 --> 00:45:59,717 Hey. 1227 00:46:01,093 --> 00:46:02,260 Oh my god. 1228 00:46:02,261 --> 00:46:03,095 [BECKY] Wow. 1229 00:46:03,096 --> 00:46:04,554 Oh my god. 1230 00:46:04,555 --> 00:46:05,347 Hey. 1231 00:46:06,265 --> 00:46:08,349 I heard it was true, I guess it is. 1232 00:46:08,350 --> 00:46:09,351 - Wow. - What, what was? 1233 00:46:09,352 --> 00:46:11,519 I just, I heard you were at the wake. 1234 00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:13,187 - Yes. - But I didn't necessarily 1235 00:46:13,188 --> 00:46:14,273 - believe it. - I was there. 1236 00:46:14,274 --> 00:46:16,399 I didn't know, did you go? 1237 00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:18,401 Yeah, obviously I was there. 1238 00:46:18,402 --> 00:46:20,278 I didn't even know that you knew Rory. 1239 00:46:20,279 --> 00:46:21,612 Yeah, ugh. 1240 00:46:21,613 --> 00:46:24,449 It's heartbreaking, yeah, one of my good friends. 1241 00:46:24,450 --> 00:46:27,952 Did you fly back specifically for the wake? 1242 00:46:27,953 --> 00:46:29,997 No, I actually moved back home. 1243 00:46:32,499 --> 00:46:33,375 - What? - Yeah. 1244 00:46:35,377 --> 00:46:37,128 - Wait, I'm sorry, really? - Yeah. 1245 00:46:37,129 --> 00:46:38,671 Like, for good? 1246 00:46:38,672 --> 00:46:40,214 I don't know, maybe. 1247 00:46:40,215 --> 00:46:41,425 I mean, for awhile, yeah. 1248 00:46:43,135 --> 00:46:44,761 What about California? 1249 00:46:44,762 --> 00:46:48,514 I got a job offer in New York, so I had to come home. 1250 00:46:48,515 --> 00:46:49,932 [BECKY] What is it? 1251 00:46:49,933 --> 00:46:52,268 A development deal with Snapchat. 1252 00:46:52,269 --> 00:46:54,562 Supposedly, I'm a social media influencer. 1253 00:46:54,563 --> 00:46:55,397 Really? 1254 00:46:55,398 --> 00:46:56,939 But you seem to be doing incredible. 1255 00:46:56,940 --> 00:46:58,691 Oh my goodness, I've seen all these things on Instagram. 1256 00:46:58,692 --> 00:46:59,901 Iceland, you went to Iceland. 1257 00:46:59,902 --> 00:47:01,527 Wow, you've really been looking, huh? 1258 00:47:01,528 --> 00:47:03,070 Oh yeah, I'm a fucking troll. 1259 00:47:03,071 --> 00:47:04,405 I'm on it constantly. 1260 00:47:04,406 --> 00:47:07,241 And I saw that you married Owen. 1261 00:47:07,242 --> 00:47:08,576 Yeah. 1262 00:47:08,577 --> 00:47:09,369 I did. 1263 00:47:10,412 --> 00:47:11,538 You guys look happy. 1264 00:47:12,414 --> 00:47:13,207 Yeah. 1265 00:47:16,335 --> 00:47:18,336 Anyway, I gotta get outta here. 1266 00:47:18,337 --> 00:47:19,171 Yeah. 1267 00:47:19,172 --> 00:47:21,506 I gotta, well, I have to-- 1268 00:47:21,507 --> 00:47:23,717 Yeah, I was literally, I was, okay. 1269 00:47:25,427 --> 00:47:26,386 Scott fucking Rollins. 1270 00:47:26,387 --> 00:47:27,638 Becky fucking Brooks. 1271 00:47:32,351 --> 00:47:33,851 Let me get this straight, you're telling me 1272 00:47:33,852 --> 00:47:38,231 that she's gonna leave her husband because of a yeah? 1273 00:47:38,232 --> 00:47:39,857 No, by the way, it's not how she said it. 1274 00:47:39,858 --> 00:47:42,610 It wasn't just a yeah, it was like a cry for help. 1275 00:47:42,611 --> 00:47:43,945 Oh man. 1276 00:47:43,946 --> 00:47:46,197 You have got to learn to manage your expectations. 1277 00:47:46,198 --> 00:47:48,115 No, I'm gonna dive deep into this one. 1278 00:47:48,116 --> 00:47:50,535 I'm gonna really latch onto this one. 1279 00:47:50,536 --> 00:47:52,119 How do you have this? 1280 00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:53,329 I taped it the other night. 1281 00:47:53,330 --> 00:47:54,747 - Yes, did you really? - Yeah. 1282 00:47:54,748 --> 00:47:56,791 '86 Mets, one of the best teams in sports history. 1283 00:47:56,792 --> 00:47:57,626 Thank you. 1284 00:47:57,626 --> 00:47:58,460 And I'm not talking baseball. 1285 00:47:58,461 --> 00:47:59,585 I'm talking all of sports. 1286 00:47:59,586 --> 00:48:00,629 Hit me off with it. 1287 00:48:00,630 --> 00:48:02,839 What have we got, Gary Carter, Lenny Dykstra-- 1288 00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:05,550 - Keith Hernandez, Darryl-- - Darryl Strawberry. 1289 00:48:05,551 --> 00:48:06,593 - Big Lefty. - Mookie. 1290 00:48:06,594 --> 00:48:08,719 - Mookie. - And against Bill Buckner. 1291 00:48:08,720 --> 00:48:09,887 G-g-g-gosh. 1292 00:48:09,888 --> 00:48:11,306 What was that pitcher's name? 1293 00:48:12,558 --> 00:48:14,267 - Ron Darling. - That was, yeah. 1294 00:48:14,268 --> 00:48:15,269 - From Yale. - Very smart man. 1295 00:48:15,269 --> 00:48:16,311 - Really smart kid. - Yeah. 1296 00:48:16,312 --> 00:48:18,062 My son was five. 1297 00:48:18,063 --> 00:48:20,773 I'd say, "Who's pitching" and he'd go, Darling. 1298 00:48:20,774 --> 00:48:22,149 Yeah, yeah. 1299 00:48:22,150 --> 00:48:23,401 Yeah, they were great. 1300 00:48:23,402 --> 00:48:26,195 Speaking of great, my pancakes. 1301 00:48:26,196 --> 00:48:28,281 - Oh my god, unbelievable. - Great? 1302 00:48:28,282 --> 00:48:29,074 You do a lot of cooking? 1303 00:48:29,075 --> 00:48:30,700 I used to, you know, when the kids were young. 1304 00:48:30,701 --> 00:48:33,661 Breakfast mostly, but now, not so much. 1305 00:48:33,662 --> 00:48:34,496 Yeah. 1306 00:48:34,497 --> 00:48:36,455 I'm not that well-stocked in the grocery department. 1307 00:48:36,456 --> 00:48:38,499 So what is it, just blueberries and beer? 1308 00:48:38,500 --> 00:48:39,418 - And bourbon. - Oh. 1309 00:48:39,419 --> 00:48:40,918 And I've got some Jager in the fridge. 1310 00:48:40,919 --> 00:48:42,670 So you cover all the basic food groups. 1311 00:48:42,671 --> 00:48:43,630 Just the essentials, you know. 1312 00:48:43,631 --> 00:48:44,840 - Well, okay. - Yeah. 1313 00:48:47,718 --> 00:48:49,260 Are they organic blueberries? 1314 00:48:49,261 --> 00:48:51,847 - Long Island's own. - Oh my god, I could taste it. 1315 00:48:52,764 --> 00:48:53,599 What are you doing? 1316 00:48:53,599 --> 00:48:54,683 You brought up bourbon. 1317 00:48:54,684 --> 00:48:55,975 You know, just put me in the mood, that's all. 1318 00:48:55,976 --> 00:48:58,061 - No, you brought up bourbon. - All right. 1319 00:48:59,813 --> 00:49:00,606 Fine. 1320 00:49:01,690 --> 00:49:03,149 You're no fun. 1321 00:49:03,150 --> 00:49:05,860 Yeah, I've been hearing that a lot lately. 1322 00:49:05,861 --> 00:49:08,446 To get back to what's important, right? 1323 00:49:08,447 --> 00:49:10,656 I'm there, I'm right in front of Becky, 1324 00:49:10,657 --> 00:49:12,199 and I ask her, I said, "You guys look happy." 1325 00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,660 And then she says, now listen to the way she says it, okay? 1326 00:49:14,661 --> 00:49:16,245 She goes, yeah. 1327 00:49:16,246 --> 00:49:17,538 That wasn't it, that wasn't even it. 1328 00:49:17,539 --> 00:49:20,041 It was like this, it was like imagine someone about to die, 1329 00:49:20,042 --> 00:49:22,501 die inside, it was like, yeah. 1330 00:49:22,502 --> 00:49:23,669 That was it, did you hear it? 1331 00:49:23,670 --> 00:49:25,129 - No, I hear nothing. - Oh my-- 1332 00:49:25,130 --> 00:49:26,339 I hear absolutely nothing. 1333 00:49:26,340 --> 00:49:29,175 Listen, Rollins, existing marriage aside-- 1334 00:49:29,176 --> 00:49:31,719 Terrible marriage aside, but continue. 1335 00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:32,554 Okay. 1336 00:49:32,555 --> 00:49:35,097 She said, he's the one, he's the one. 1337 00:49:35,098 --> 00:49:36,641 All right, that's cool, I get that. 1338 00:49:36,642 --> 00:49:39,060 But is she the one for you? 1339 00:49:39,061 --> 00:49:39,895 I mean, maybe. 1340 00:49:39,896 --> 00:49:42,855 It doesn't mean she's not the right one for me, right? 1341 00:49:42,856 --> 00:49:46,359 All I'm trying to say is lightning rarely strikes twice. 1342 00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:47,944 But if you keep your eyes open and you're not 1343 00:49:47,945 --> 00:49:50,321 a little stubborn shit, it can strike again. 1344 00:49:50,322 --> 00:49:52,240 Wow, what does that mean, Drunk Yoda? 1345 00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:54,784 It means what it means. 1346 00:49:54,785 --> 00:49:57,119 Holy shit, is that your Yoda impersonation? 1347 00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:58,163 What the fuck is this? 1348 00:49:58,164 --> 00:50:00,040 Well, it's not my world. 1349 00:50:01,249 --> 00:50:02,084 What I'm trying to say is 1350 00:50:02,085 --> 00:50:03,876 what if I fucked with destiny, right? 1351 00:50:03,877 --> 00:50:05,419 What if I zigged when I should have zagged? 1352 00:50:05,420 --> 00:50:07,421 My entire life would be different. 1353 00:50:07,422 --> 00:50:09,131 And speaking personally, 1354 00:50:09,132 --> 00:50:13,345 I actually do think that you can unfuck something. 1355 00:50:15,472 --> 00:50:16,264 Yeah? 1356 00:50:21,353 --> 00:50:24,730 Do you know I'm going up again tomorrow. 1357 00:50:24,731 --> 00:50:26,232 Going up, what does that mean? 1358 00:50:26,233 --> 00:50:27,900 I'm making a comeback. 1359 00:50:27,901 --> 00:50:29,151 I'm going to Levittown. 1360 00:50:29,152 --> 00:50:31,153 A place called Governor's, I'm gonna do some standup. 1361 00:50:31,154 --> 00:50:32,363 - Great. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1362 00:50:32,364 --> 00:50:33,656 - Oh, I love that. - For real? 1363 00:50:33,657 --> 00:50:35,157 I told, oh, that's fantastic. 1364 00:50:35,158 --> 00:50:36,951 - What, tomorrow night? - 7:00 p.m. tomorrow night. 1365 00:50:36,952 --> 00:50:37,828 But I don't know when I'm in the lineup. 1366 00:50:37,829 --> 00:50:39,328 So the show starts at 7:00 p.m. 1367 00:50:39,329 --> 00:50:40,163 I'm somewhere in there. 1368 00:50:40,163 --> 00:50:40,998 They gave me a shitty slot 1369 00:50:40,998 --> 00:50:42,082 because I haven't been there for a bit. 1370 00:50:42,082 --> 00:50:43,125 - I'll be there. - For real? 1371 00:50:43,126 --> 00:50:44,625 - Yeah. - Three drink minimum. 1372 00:50:44,626 --> 00:50:46,043 I'm worried about the drink maximum. 1373 00:50:46,044 --> 00:50:48,337 You can also drink like a Coke or a coffee. 1374 00:50:48,338 --> 00:50:49,423 The caffeine will kill me. 1375 00:50:49,424 --> 00:50:51,132 My heart will be beating like a hummingbird. 1376 00:50:51,133 --> 00:50:52,550 You're worried about the caffeine killing you? 1377 00:50:52,551 --> 00:50:54,052 - Yeah. - Shit, yeah. 1378 00:51:00,642 --> 00:51:04,938 Is it weird if I ask you who is in that? 1379 00:51:09,234 --> 00:51:13,822 No, that's Catherine, that's wife number two. 1380 00:51:15,449 --> 00:51:16,908 And where's wife number one? 1381 00:51:17,909 --> 00:51:20,578 She's buried in a cemetery in Farmingdale. 1382 00:51:20,579 --> 00:51:21,413 Mount Ararat. 1383 00:51:23,457 --> 00:51:26,584 Catherine hated the thought of being put into the ground. 1384 00:51:26,585 --> 00:51:27,377 So... 1385 00:51:28,462 --> 00:51:29,379 I dig that, yeah. 1386 00:51:31,965 --> 00:51:33,549 How did she die? 1387 00:51:33,550 --> 00:51:37,054 You know, Rollins, I just don't like to talk about it. 1388 00:51:39,222 --> 00:51:40,098 I get it. 1389 00:51:42,517 --> 00:51:44,811 She had stomach cancer, ate her alive. 1390 00:51:47,355 --> 00:51:49,440 You know, I didn't drink once 1391 00:51:49,441 --> 00:51:50,858 all the years that we were married. 1392 00:51:50,859 --> 00:51:52,318 Not once. 1393 00:51:52,319 --> 00:51:53,111 Not a drop. 1394 00:51:54,946 --> 00:51:55,739 Didn't have to. 1395 00:51:59,993 --> 00:52:02,411 [SOMBER MUSIC] 1396 00:52:02,412 --> 00:52:04,080 What are you doing now? 1397 00:52:04,081 --> 00:52:05,082 It's Tuesday afternoon, 1398 00:52:05,083 --> 00:52:07,208 I'm eating pancakes with my dermatologist. 1399 00:52:07,209 --> 00:52:10,669 Well, get up. 1400 00:52:10,670 --> 00:52:12,546 - Get up, we going somewhere? - Yeah. 1401 00:52:12,547 --> 00:52:14,465 - Where we going? - Field trip. 1402 00:52:14,466 --> 00:52:17,177 [PLEASANT MUSIC] 1403 00:52:44,830 --> 00:52:48,958 I can't believe my dermatologist drives Snoop Dogg's car. 1404 00:52:48,959 --> 00:52:51,544 She's a cliz-assic. 1405 00:52:51,545 --> 00:52:52,629 - Did I get it right? - Yeah. 1406 00:52:52,630 --> 00:52:53,838 That's exactly how he says it. 1407 00:52:53,839 --> 00:52:55,047 - See? - Cliz-assic. 1408 00:52:55,048 --> 00:52:56,383 I'm down with that. 1409 00:53:09,146 --> 00:53:10,939 You sure about this? 1410 00:53:12,816 --> 00:53:13,608 [MARTY] Yeah. 1411 00:53:15,235 --> 00:53:16,194 All right. 1412 00:53:18,238 --> 00:53:22,951 You know, it's been, fuck me, three years. 1413 00:53:25,662 --> 00:53:26,538 And I would've done this earlier 1414 00:53:26,539 --> 00:53:28,665 but I didn't have anybody to do it with me. 1415 00:53:30,750 --> 00:53:32,418 And the thought of an old man out on the beach 1416 00:53:32,419 --> 00:53:34,211 spreading ashes around just seemed so-- 1417 00:53:34,212 --> 00:53:35,462 Sad, yeah. 1418 00:53:35,463 --> 00:53:39,676 I was gonna say cliche but, sad is not inaccurate. 1419 00:53:41,428 --> 00:53:43,053 Listen, if you wanna say some words out there, 1420 00:53:43,054 --> 00:53:44,139 I could just stay here. 1421 00:53:45,849 --> 00:53:47,392 She knew what she meant to me. 1422 00:53:49,186 --> 00:53:50,145 I was the husband to her 1423 00:53:50,146 --> 00:53:51,897 that I couldn't be to my first wife. 1424 00:53:56,318 --> 00:53:57,943 Anne. 1425 00:53:57,944 --> 00:53:59,570 Poor Anne, she had so many problems. 1426 00:53:59,571 --> 00:54:01,030 She suffered from depression. 1427 00:54:01,031 --> 00:54:02,865 I mean, clinical depression. 1428 00:54:02,866 --> 00:54:04,576 It's a horrible disease. 1429 00:54:06,578 --> 00:54:11,332 To love someone who lives in such a dark space 1430 00:54:11,333 --> 00:54:14,084 that they can't possibly love you back, 1431 00:54:14,085 --> 00:54:17,963 to try and fail every day, it was impossible. 1432 00:54:17,964 --> 00:54:20,674 I just felt lost and I tried. 1433 00:54:20,675 --> 00:54:21,509 I just... 1434 00:54:22,594 --> 00:54:23,886 Fuck. 1435 00:54:23,887 --> 00:54:26,181 It takes a lot stronger person than I was then. 1436 00:54:30,352 --> 00:54:31,852 But today's not about Anne. 1437 00:54:31,853 --> 00:54:34,396 Today's about Catherine. 1438 00:54:34,397 --> 00:54:37,817 And, all right, baby. 1439 00:54:41,238 --> 00:54:42,197 Let's rock and roll. 1440 00:54:43,782 --> 00:54:44,574 Let's do it. 1441 00:54:46,660 --> 00:54:49,329 [PLEASANT MUSIC] 1442 00:55:00,924 --> 00:55:02,800 [CHILD] Where's my wallet, Frank? 1443 00:55:02,801 --> 00:55:04,927 Hey, what did I tell you about that? 1444 00:55:04,928 --> 00:55:06,804 It's Dad, I'm your dad. 1445 00:55:06,805 --> 00:55:08,347 Now where did you put my wallet? 1446 00:55:08,348 --> 00:55:09,807 I want Burger King. 1447 00:55:09,808 --> 00:55:11,350 Yeah, well you know what? 1448 00:55:11,351 --> 00:55:13,811 I want a time machine and some condoms. 1449 00:55:13,812 --> 00:55:16,105 But I, you know what, I didn't mean that. 1450 00:55:16,106 --> 00:55:17,732 I didn't, I'm sorry. 1451 00:55:32,706 --> 00:55:34,290 - Oh. - For real? 1452 00:55:34,291 --> 00:55:35,292 [JEANINE] Oh, I'm sorry, honey. 1453 00:55:35,293 --> 00:55:36,917 I thought maybe something was wrong. 1454 00:55:36,918 --> 00:55:38,127 No, why would you think that? 1455 00:55:38,128 --> 00:55:39,795 [JEANINE] Well, you've been in there an awful-- 1456 00:55:39,796 --> 00:55:41,630 - Mom, close the door. - Okay, sorry, honey. 1457 00:55:41,631 --> 00:55:42,632 - Bye. - Bye. 1458 00:55:44,301 --> 00:55:46,760 Jesus Christ. 1459 00:55:46,761 --> 00:55:49,847 Welcome to Do the Twist, can I help you, sir? 1460 00:55:49,848 --> 00:55:52,100 Yeah, I'll have an unsalted and babe? 1461 00:55:54,019 --> 00:55:57,855 Oh, um, just a Parmesan and garlic, please. 1462 00:55:57,856 --> 00:55:58,940 - Thank you. - Okay. 1463 00:55:58,941 --> 00:56:01,191 [MEGAN] Oh shit, look who it is. 1464 00:56:01,192 --> 00:56:02,110 - Hi. - Hi. 1465 00:56:02,110 --> 00:56:02,944 Hi. 1466 00:56:02,945 --> 00:56:04,153 Long time no see. 1467 00:56:04,154 --> 00:56:06,071 Oh, Owen, you remember Meg, right? 1468 00:56:06,072 --> 00:56:07,364 Um, Scott's sister? 1469 00:56:07,365 --> 00:56:09,742 Oh yeah, right, hi, Meg. 1470 00:56:09,743 --> 00:56:11,118 Hey. 1471 00:56:11,119 --> 00:56:13,120 Um, I love your photography. 1472 00:56:13,121 --> 00:56:15,080 I've been seeing everything you've been posting on Facebook. 1473 00:56:15,081 --> 00:56:16,082 It's incredible. 1474 00:56:16,082 --> 00:56:17,167 - Thank you. - Yeah. 1475 00:56:17,167 --> 00:56:18,084 Thanks. 1476 00:56:18,085 --> 00:56:20,127 - You guys got married, right? - We did. 1477 00:56:20,128 --> 00:56:21,046 - Yeah. - Congrats. 1478 00:56:21,047 --> 00:56:22,880 - Yeah, thanks. - Oh no, those are on me. 1479 00:56:22,881 --> 00:56:25,341 - Oh. - Oh my gosh, thank you. 1480 00:56:25,342 --> 00:56:27,092 - Of course. - That's so sweet. 1481 00:56:27,093 --> 00:56:28,802 So sorry to hear about Rory. 1482 00:56:28,803 --> 00:56:31,221 Scott mentioned you guys were close. 1483 00:56:31,222 --> 00:56:32,723 - Yeah. - Did you hear he's home? 1484 00:56:32,724 --> 00:56:34,475 - Who is, Scott? - Yeah, the prodigal son 1485 00:56:34,476 --> 00:56:36,268 returned last week. 1486 00:56:36,269 --> 00:56:37,853 I'm seeing him tonight at Governor's by the way. 1487 00:56:37,854 --> 00:56:39,021 - Wait, at Governor's? - I know. 1488 00:56:39,022 --> 00:56:39,814 I haven't been back there 1489 00:56:39,815 --> 00:56:41,148 since I got kicked out for yelling-- 1490 00:56:41,149 --> 00:56:44,360 My mom caught you jerking off on my life-sized Barbie. 1491 00:56:44,361 --> 00:56:46,988 [BOTH LAUGHING] 1492 00:56:48,365 --> 00:56:50,240 Do you guys have any babies yet or? 1493 00:56:50,241 --> 00:56:51,492 Oh god, no. 1494 00:56:51,493 --> 00:56:52,660 We, not yet. 1495 00:56:53,703 --> 00:56:55,871 Well, we should probably get going. 1496 00:56:55,872 --> 00:56:57,498 Yeah, yeah, we should. 1497 00:56:57,499 --> 00:56:58,625 It's good to see you. 1498 00:57:02,170 --> 00:57:03,462 Give another round of applause again for Pet Cavalon. 1499 00:57:03,463 --> 00:57:05,214 Pete Cavalon. 1500 00:57:05,215 --> 00:57:06,423 All right. 1501 00:57:06,424 --> 00:57:08,050 Yeah, that was a real funny guy. 1502 00:57:08,051 --> 00:57:09,635 All right, let's keep this thing rolling 1503 00:57:09,636 --> 00:57:12,596 with Long Island's very own Mr. Scott Rollins. 1504 00:57:12,597 --> 00:57:13,598 Come on up here, Scott. 1505 00:57:13,599 --> 00:57:16,058 Come on, let him hear you, let him hear you. 1506 00:57:16,059 --> 00:57:18,227 Thank you, oh please, let me. 1507 00:57:18,228 --> 00:57:19,645 How is everybody tonight? 1508 00:57:19,646 --> 00:57:21,980 [CROWD CHEERS] Good, good, good. 1509 00:57:21,981 --> 00:57:25,067 Um, it's crazy 'cause I haven't been on this stage 1510 00:57:25,068 --> 00:57:26,485 since I was in my 20s. 1511 00:57:26,486 --> 00:57:29,363 And I am in my 30s now. 1512 00:57:29,364 --> 00:57:31,156 I know, I know, it probably doesn't look like it, right? 1513 00:57:31,157 --> 00:57:32,699 I look like I'm at least mid-70s. 1514 00:57:32,700 --> 00:57:35,035 But I am in my 30s right now 1515 00:57:35,036 --> 00:57:36,620 and I feel like there's so many differences 1516 00:57:36,621 --> 00:57:39,540 between your 20s and your 30s, 'cause when I was in my 20s, 1517 00:57:39,541 --> 00:57:40,458 I used to think to myself, oh, 1518 00:57:40,459 --> 00:57:42,751 what am I gonna do this weekend, right? 1519 00:57:42,752 --> 00:57:44,253 And now that I'm in my 30s, 1520 00:57:44,254 --> 00:57:46,296 I'm thinking, oh, what am I gonna do with my life? 1521 00:57:46,297 --> 00:57:47,965 [CROWD LAUGHS] 1522 00:57:47,966 --> 00:57:50,843 ♪ We're not gonna take it ♪ 1523 00:57:50,844 --> 00:57:54,054 ♪ No, we ain't gonna take it ♪ 1524 00:57:54,055 --> 00:57:58,684 ♪ We're not gonna take it anymore ♪ 1525 00:57:58,685 --> 00:58:00,018 Hey, when am I up? 1526 00:58:00,019 --> 00:58:00,854 They're horrible. 1527 00:58:00,854 --> 00:58:01,688 You were just up. 1528 00:58:01,689 --> 00:58:03,605 Yeah, but I put in for like six things, you know? 1529 00:58:03,606 --> 00:58:04,898 Come on, I gotta go. 1530 00:58:04,899 --> 00:58:06,275 Yeah, congratulations, there are other people before you. 1531 00:58:06,276 --> 00:58:07,401 We go through this every week. 1532 00:58:07,402 --> 00:58:09,153 Hey, hey, hey, stop that, stop that. 1533 00:58:09,154 --> 00:58:10,737 I don't remember what I put in for. 1534 00:58:10,738 --> 00:58:12,197 Did I do "Weevils of London" yet? 1535 00:58:12,198 --> 00:58:13,407 Again, we don't have that. 1536 00:58:13,408 --> 00:58:14,741 How could you not have... 1537 00:58:14,742 --> 00:58:15,577 - Seriously, Marty? - Oh, I'm sorry. 1538 00:58:15,578 --> 00:58:18,162 - What the fuck? - No, I got it, sorry. 1539 00:58:18,163 --> 00:58:20,080 - I'm sorry. - Hey, hey. 1540 00:58:20,081 --> 00:58:22,040 Maybe you should just go home. 1541 00:58:22,041 --> 00:58:22,917 I am home. 1542 00:58:22,918 --> 00:58:24,084 Everybody knows my name. 1543 00:58:24,085 --> 00:58:26,170 - I don't know your name. - You know my name, Glen. 1544 00:58:26,171 --> 00:58:27,046 Hey, come over here, 1545 00:58:27,047 --> 00:58:28,422 we'll do a little "Mr. Roboto" together. 1546 00:58:28,423 --> 00:58:29,257 No way. 1547 00:58:29,257 --> 00:58:30,175 You hog the mic. 1548 00:58:30,176 --> 00:58:31,341 You call it hogging the mic, 1549 00:58:31,342 --> 00:58:33,470 I call it giving the people what they want. 1550 00:58:35,555 --> 00:58:37,514 You are a mic hog. 1551 00:58:37,515 --> 00:58:39,683 But I'll sing with you. 1552 00:58:39,684 --> 00:58:40,477 Wow. 1553 00:58:41,436 --> 00:58:42,936 Hey, you're out, Glen. 1554 00:58:42,937 --> 00:58:44,563 I was never in. 1555 00:58:44,564 --> 00:58:45,898 [MARTY LAUGHS] 1556 00:58:45,899 --> 00:58:46,733 By show of hands, 1557 00:58:46,734 --> 00:58:50,402 who here actually lives with their parents? 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