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Dear diary: Feels a little strange saying, "Dear diary."
I haven't kept a journal or anything since I was, maybe,
12? I guess I like talking to real people more. More than to
a video camera, anyway. But that's not an option anymore.
Not up here. Not up here. In the vast silence and space,
alone with my thoughts, my memories echo in my mind,
the voices of the people that I once knew,
the questions they had, the challenges they faced,
the fear, at the end. Now, I sit alone
talking to myself, reflecting, asking myself questions, trying to understand
this journey, but I suppose we all do strange things when we're lonely.
It's 2024, and God is dead. Riots continue for a third straight week after
the announcement from London. Police urge citizens to stay in their homes.
All across Boston, National Guard units have been mobilized to try and to
contain the situation. Rioters protesting the government's announcement
as a hoax... As this problem continues to grow, a state of emergency
has been issued from the governor's office. I remember what some people
said about New Orleans, back when Hurricane Katrina hit:
That it was God's punishment falling on a sinful city.
It was the same with The Great Obscure. Preachers told their flocks that
the world full of heathens, and evil, and war, and ignorance,
had brought this on itself. At first, a lot of people listened,
and they prayed that God would forgive us all.
But when they began to realize that no matter how hard they prayed,
no matter how much they loved God, he was taking them all down,
right alongside the nonbelievers and the sinners. That was when God started
to die. Hardly anyone believes in God anymore; and those that still believe,
they're angrier than ever. One day, it's "Jesus saves" and "God is love,"
and the next, the next, is when people stopped. You need to fucking pay
attention. And the silence came. Watch where the fuck you're going!
That deafening silence when people stopped going to work, stopped going
to school, stopped caring about anything. And when you don't even care about
yourself, well... So, how did I end up in a space ship, traveling
faster and farther than any human ever has before, trying to find
him? How, indeed? Just like the Passover and the four questions,
"If God is dead, why am I looking for him? What makes me
even think I know where he is? How did I end up in
a space ship? And what do I intend to do if I actually
meet God?" So, this is the story that answers my four questions.
I need to tell it all, to remember it all, and
I need to remember it all, because... Because it's all I have left.
Back in 2014, I was in graduate school.
My favorite teacher was Dr. Mann, because he really made us think about
things. Today, we'll be talking about what many feel is the end of
existence: Death. This may be the most important question you ever have
to ask yourself. Do we exist for a higher purpose,
or do we simply exist? Is there a God that has a plan
for us, or are we simply chemicals and minerals, beings that cease to
be when the arrangement breaks down? Please don't hate me for this,
but I sincerely wish each one of you
will be able to see death in person,
to see the transition, how people deal with it, and then use that
experience to figure out how you'll deal with your own someday. So what
did he say? He said I was pulling a solid B in the
class. Well, that's good, right? It's very good, considering how many people
are even passing in class. Hold on, I wanna see this. Scientists here
at the Grand Mountain Observatory have announced what should be a major
visual event for watchers of the night sky. What is it? Up until
now, only telescopes like the Hubble and the one here at Grand Mountain,
have had the ability to witness the results of comets crashing into our
sun, which I assure you happens quite regularly and is harmless. It's akin
to throwing a firework into a volcano, basically. It's a light show. Three
days ago, though, we detected a mass on a trajectory towards our sun so
sizeable that it should be easily viewed through consumer telescopes. Whichever
half of the hemisphere gets the daytime sun should be able to set
their filters as they would to an eclipse and see quite an event. An event
is right, but for all you amateur astronomers out there, don't go buy
your telescopes just yet, because the impact with the sun isn't expected
until the year 2020. Seven years? Who cares? I thought you were psych major,
anyway. Doesn't mean I can't be curious about astrophysics.
That was incredibly nerdy, wasn't it? Uh huh. It was always on my
mind, though. It had meaning to me. Dr. Hammond?
Yes? Hi. I'm Miriam Raskin. You're not in my class.
No. I'm actually just kinda curious about the stories on the news. The mysterious
mass heading towards us. Yeah. They really don't know what it is?
Jury's still out. Well, like I said, I was just curious.
You should be. It's the new frontier. What do you think it is?
It's a question, a puzzle for us to solve.
We all strive to make sense of our world,
scientists especially. But be careful, not all questions have answers.
Or could be just a giant rock. I wouldn't lose too much sleep
over it yet, and you got another seven years for that.
Okay, thank you. They started calling it The Great Obscure,
and to say it captivated our attention doesn't capture the magnitude of
the phenomenon. It slowly became everyone's greatest obsession.
A great question without an answer. There was a huge research effort to
figure out what it really was. It was soon after that that they
made the announcement. Hundreds, thousands of scientists met in London,
and the world waited to hear what they had to say.
We're here live outside the STC Facility in downtown London. The police
have set up barricades around the building as the crowds continue to gather
in anticipation of the press conference that has gathered members of NASA,
the Russian Space Program, the Chinese. And I'm now getting word that the
press conference is about to begin. We will now go live inside the
STC Facility. Ladies and gentlemen, it is with the greatest... It is with
the greatest regret that I have to announce that our initial theory
was... Was wrong. What we thought was simply just a comet heading towards
our sun is a matter of fact something else.
The mass we detected heading towards our sun matches similar properties
that we found in another cosmic event we witnessed 12 years ago,
when a similar mass came into contact with a distant star.
The result was an explosion that destroyed the star's solar system.
Please... Please, everyone. No one said anything about an apocalypse. If
you'd just try to calm down and let me explain. Hey, Dad. If you'd sit down
and let me try to explain. Yeah. Wait, hang on. The mass... The
mass is in fact a cloud, but unlike any cosmic body in our
universe, it's not following the gravitational orbit. It... Its trajectory
is perpendicular to the planetary orbits, and specifically,
it's heading towards our sun. What? You're gonna correct an astrophysicist?
I gotta go. Tell Mom I love her. Immediate plans are underway to further
validate our initial findings. Groups from around the world have pledged
to help us research and develop a solution. Love you, Dad. How was your
dad? He thinks that it's just some big mistake, that they're all wrong.
It's on every channel. At first, there was only chaos:
An entire world in denial of what was coming.
Of course, the findings were questioned, new tests were performed.
Governments redirected billions of dollars towards science trying to prove
it all wrong. But nothing could change the truth.
The Great Obscure was headed straight toward us.
Months went by as science fiction became a reality. New space programs were
announced almost everyday, privately funded programs, government programs,
escape plans, plans to pre detonate the cloud. This comes at a critical
time since a major setback hit the Earth, our colony program today.
The system's two rocket went off course and had to be destroyed,
a first for the program which began construction in early 2015.
A spokesman for the project says the cause of the malfunction is unknown.
We've reached a critical juncture. One or two more setbacks, the reality
is the Earth, our colony vessel, won't be completed in time. It seemed
that if God really existed, he wasn't going to let us catch a
break. And after the news spread, then came the silence.
I couldn't accept that God could be so cruel and vindictive,
and even after years of telling myself that I didn't believe,
I also couldn't accept that he didn't exist. Joining us today is Dr.
Helen Wright, spokesperson for the joint NASA STC mission, which is sending
high speed probes toward The Great Obscure in order to learn more about
it. Thank you for taking the time to talk with us.
It's important that people understand the gravity of the situation that
we're in. Let's not waste any time, then.
In layman's terms, tell us about the original phenomenon which The Great
Obscure... Hey... What? I... I'm sorry, I just wanted a... Coffee?
I'm sorry. Whatever. The system also has three smaller terrestrial planets
and two gas giants orbiting the star. The system first came to our
attention when observing telescopes noticed that a part of the system was
being obscured from view, which eventually led to the discovery of the first
mass heading toward the system. Here you go. Hey. Why are you even
still coming to work? What the hell else am I supposed to do?
Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like... No, tell me! What else am
I supposed to do? I ask myself that every morning, "Why am I
still coming to work? Why do I get out of bed in the
morning? Why do I even bother doing anything now?"
I don't know... I don't know. What caught our attention, though,
was not only the perpendicular trajectory of the mass, but that as it neared
the system, it seemed to spread out, enveloping the system.
It was soon after that the explosion of the star was detected.
Part of me really wanted to believe in God,
like my sisters did, like I used to believe.
I went to Sunday school at our synagogue every week. After 40 days
and 40 nights, the rain stopped and Noah and his family saw a
rainbow in the sky. Hashem told them this was a sign of his
covenant. Can anyone tell me what that covenant was? Miriam? Hashem promised
that he would never send another flood to destroy the Earth. That's right.
Now, can anyone tell me the names of those children?
Back then, I really did believe, and I prayed to God.
I prayed into the dark, asking for his help. Why do I even bother?
You don't care! I should care? You get home at 10:00, 11:00. You
don't call. You even treat this house like a motel! Motel? That's a fine
idea! I won't have to come home to be this disrespected, 'cause someone's
punishing me for working hard! Please, God. Barukh ata Adonai. Blessed art
thou, oh, Lord. Where are you going? Didn't we just discuss this?
A hotel. I'll start looking for an apartment tomorrow. Please, God! Please
don't let my mommy and daddy get a divorce!
Please, God. Sounds good. You've been working on that for a while,
haven't you? Yeah, I have. What's it about? I'm not sure yet. You'll
figure it out. I thought you were going away.
Oh, no! No, honey. Your mom and I get mad sometimes and we
yell, but we love each other. Besides, I'd never leave you and your
sisters. Play some more for me. In my 11 year old mind, that night, God
had heard my prayers, and answered them. Maybe if time had stopped when
I was 12. But it didn't. Time marches on, doesn't it? And it sweeps away
everything in its path like an army of ants. Time is sweeping away
everything: My friends, my family, and all the billions of humankind. But
this isn't the first time you thought about it, is it? You've always felt
it. Those questions, that feeling, gnawing at the back of your mind, just
out of sight. And that's when you first saw the nothing,
that empty, black void where there is no structure. But you keep on,
keep on setting rules for the nothing. See where that gets you. So, what
do you think? What do you think DeMarco is gonna pick for his spring
Shakespeare? Does it even matter? She'll probably turn it into something
bizarre, anyway. Ah, true. Sad, but definitely true.
Okay, people, settle down, take your seats. Today, we're gonna start up
with one of your favorite exercises. I want all of you to lay
back on to the floor. Butter day? Butter day. Alright. Listen carefully
to the sound of my voice. We're going to take a journey that
will help you to relax and clear your mind. It will help sedate you so you
don't question what people are afraid of. Imagine yourself to be made of
butter. Your entire being: Soft, smooth, creamy, and warm.
Lying on a field of grass on a summer's day.
You feel the warmth of the sunshine on your face.
You feel warmth rising from the ground, enveloping you. You're beginning
to soften, to loosen. You're melting into the ground. You're totally relaxed
and one with the earth. Having fun yet? Think this New Age crap is
gonna help you? Now, I want you to gather together your being.
The grass beneath you has absorbed your essence.
When I count to three, though, you will leave the earth and fly
into the sky, and follow me on your journey.
One, two, three. Open your eyes. God, I wish Miss DeMarco was here.
Did I really just say that? But now I'm all alone,
just me and my thoughts and memories of so much time wasted.
I swear sometimes I think there might be something wrong with me.
And now you're trapped up here, just you, me, and all this time
to think about our mistakes. Does it even matter anymore?
You know, the tree falls in the forest?
Without society to judge me, can I even become mentally ill?
I think I'm freaking out. I don't know why, but it feels like
I'm getting closer. To what, though? The end?
Of course, I have no real way of knowing
when it'll actually happen, or if. But I suppose I'm taking a leap
of faith here anyway, right? I will either find God or I won't, and
no one is going to know either way.
So why did I go looking for him?
When the announcement first came out, everyone held it together pretty well.
At first. I mean, sure, people were freaked out, but I guess all
the doomsday predictions of the past prepared people somehow.
Some people planned on just leaving, but to where, is what people would
ask. To the giant desert of space in search of an oasis?
And then there was the Space Ark, the one big idea that somehow
a piece of ourselves could survive. But the world was growing dark,
and the Space Ark wasn't everyone's priority. Israel has joined the US,
China, and other countries and have their entire aerospace industry committed
to the Space Ark program. They're currently re purposing ballistic missiles
and manufacturing plants to make space launch vehicles. Unfortunately, several
extremist sects and neighboring countries and in Europe have remained committed
to their anti Israeli and anti Ark stance, and violent outcries have been
made in response to this move. They don't understand how important it is
that everyone devotes production and resource toward the Space Ark program.
That's just it, the leaders of both the ISA in Iraq and the
LFA in Czechoslovakia are preaching that The Obscure's God's wrath coming
to cleanse the earth. They insist that only the global one position and
strict enforcement of religious law can stop The Obscure. But whose religious
law? The Ark program was without precedents, and with only four years left
until The Obscure makes contact with our sun, the loss of a single
country's cooperation in the program could be crippling. The tensions have
indeed been far felt. The UN Security Council issued a strong statement
stating that the Space Ark program is of paramount critical importance to
the entire world, and that interference with the project will not be tolerated.
It only took a few years, though, before people just started losing it,
and I'm not talking "joined a cult and drink the Kool Aid"
losing it; people just stopped caring about each other.
After all, it's hard to care about someone else when you don't even
care about yourself. It was like the whole world was a terminal cancer
patient, and they were all going through the stages of grief.
Some people went the whole carpe diem route: Sex and drugs and rock
and roll all the time. Other people went in the entirely opposite direction.
Miriam! Hannah banana! Hava! What are you guys doing here? Well, we're here
to see you. Well, I wish you would have told me.
Come on in. So, how have you guys been?
Wait, aren't you supposed to be in school? A lot of the teachers
stopped showing up, so, they cut class down to half week now.
Yeah. So what are you doing today? I don't know, I just got up. You
wanna hang out with us for a bit? Well, yeah, but I have
to be at work later. You're still going to work?
I am. Come on! Call in sick or something. Alright! What do you
guys have planned? I guess we haven't thought that far ahead yet.
I have an idea what we can do.
I didn't even know we still had this.
Yep, you never got it back out of storage after they moved.
We're not gonna get in trouble for this, are we?
Not if you don't tell dad. Can I drive? Good idea,
huh? Hey, watch this. I feel like I'm flying! Hey, how fast do
you think this thing will go? Hava! Hava! You know we have a
few years left, right? Yeah? And what are you gonna do with those
years? Quit joking around! Are you just gonna keep going to your job?
Are you just gonna keep sitting in your apartment alone, just waiting for
the end? Would you take the wheel? Why?
Because... I know where I'm going. I'm sorry about earlier. I've had a
lot on my mind lately. I didn't mean to scare you.
I used to love coming here with Dad when we were kids.
I know. Hey! Can we get ice cream after this? Some things never change.
Hey, why don't you guys stay the night with me tonight?
We can't! We have to get an early start tomorrow.
You're going somewhere? Well, hopefully, we all are.
That's why we're here, to take you with us.
We're taking a trip! What? Where? Not far.
There's a community, a place where there's still love and hope.
You're not talking about one of those cults, are you?
No! It's not a cult. It's not a cult. It's like going to
temple. Everyone gathers together to wait for The Great Obscure.
We're going to prepare ourselves! You seriously think that cloud is God?
God has hidden himself in The Great Obscure so that only the enlightened
would perceive his coming. Hava, honey, God is not in that cloud.
You can't see him? Hannah, God's not coming. Okay?
We're on our own here. No! Shut up your lying. Hannah, I didn't mean to
upset you, but what you think is nuts. You just can't see him, I
know he's there and he loves us and he wouldn't leave us! It's not real!
It's not real. It's okay, Hannah, she's just not ready.
Have you told Mom and Dad about this? It's not up to them!
Uh, yes, it is. Hannah's a minor. You think that matters now?
We're going to prepare ourselves. Prepare yourselves? God, our Heavenly
Father, is coming and we're gonna be ready. We can't just let God
leave you behind! Hannah, I'm pretty sure if God wants to find me,
he knows my address. I'm sorry you feel that way, Miriam. Look.
Maybe there's no point in hanging out with Mom and Dad,
but you could stay with me. Would that be any less pointless?
At least they weren't like all those people who hated God,
either for dying or for not existing in the first place.
And they weren't like the people who thought they can bend God's will
to their own. Again, a series of explosions just moments ago,
onboard the Space Ark. And... They gambled that they could save the whole
world instead of just a tiny piece of it. A video published online
just moments ago claims that the LFA is responsible for the attack on
the Space Launch facility in France... But they were wrong, and the end
was still coming. And with the end of the Space Ark program,
it was the end of all humankind. Until that moment,
it was still possible to rationalize everything, The Great Obscure, the
end of the world, because I believed that somehow,
some remnant of mankind could survive somewhere out in space.
Maybe I wouldn't be a part of the human legacy, but at least
there would be a legacy. If there really was a God,
then he had decided our destruction would be complete.
Are you waiting for me? Yeah. Do you have a minute?
Sure. Walk with me to my next class.
So how's the education business? Strangely enough, it's more enjoyable than
ever. Why is that? Young people aren't scrambling to get their degrees for
jobs anymore. The kids that we do get are here because they love
learning. Sounds like they're just burying their heads in the sand.
We all have to find our own way to cope.
As soon as they get their degrees, though,
it's just gonna be ash and cinder, and then nothing.
Well, maybe that's as good a place as any
to await the inevitable. What about the Iranians? They believe they could
change God's mind. Yeah, but they were right about one thing:
Only a miracle could cause The Great Obscure to change course or evaporate
before it reaches the sun. If that happened, I guess I'd have to
start believing in God. Of course. Yeah, we all would.
But it violates the laws of physics that undermine the universe.
And if God created those laws for the universe, he must have done
so for a very good reason. If God exists, why would he make
the world and all the people in it if he would just gonna
end up destroying it? Well, the only one who can answer that question
is God himself. Maybe I should ask him, then.
What's the real reason you came to talk to me today?
I just can't live like this. I need to know
why. I wish I had the answer, too. How do you deal with
it, the fear? Look, stay for class. We could talk more after.
Thanks, but I think I know what I need to do now.
If God does exist, I'm gonna ask him.
And I think I know right where he'll be. Where is that? The front
row. Well, I guess I'll just say good luck, then. If God was
really there, I needed to ask him to his face
how he could be so cruel, so heartless.
It may sound crazy, but it wasn't that hard.
First, I got a gun, a 0.44 magnum, like in Taxi Driver.
Well, do you have anything for a novice? Well, you probably wanna start
with something simple, maybe a little revolver. What about this one?
You want some MREs, too? Excuse me? You a survivalist type? Who in
their right mind would do that? There is no surviving this.
There's just gonna be a huge nothing in space where the earth used
to be. Yeah. Well, not everybody's in their right mind. I mean, look
at me. I keep showing up everyday to this shitty job.
I probably will to the end. If you think it's so crazy,
why do you keep doing it? Guess I just figure, I keep punching
that time card, everything will stay exactly the same.
Hey, if it works for you, why not? Why not, indeed.
Why the hell not. So I think I want this one.
Okay, I'll get some ammo. MREs didn't sound like a bad idea,
actually, especially where I was going. And so I headed off,
to what I hoped was left of the Ark program. Hey, lady.
What are you doing with a gun? Stealing a ship. Well,
we don't keep them in here, it's the cafeteria.
Try the launch pad. Well, I was also thinking I could get some
help to get it off the ground? Nah, it's easy. You light the fuse,
hop right in. You wanna escape? You wanna find another planet,
live on it? Long happy life? No, I just have someone I need
to see. Who? God. Heh! Have you tried prayer?
Or drugs? I'm not running, or trying to hide until all this is
over. I need to meet God face to face so he can understand
what he's doing. Don't you think he should?
Everyone's looking for answers. What makes you so special, why do you need
a ship? Like I said, to meet him.
He's already on his way here. You really believe that?
I do. You know what you're asking? Yes.
Alright, follow me. Wait. Just like that? Yep.
You heard what I said, right? I need a ship and someone who
could launch it. Yeah. And I can have it? Huh. You're kinda self centered,
aren't you? Don't you guys have like missions or something?
You know notice how easy it was for you to just walk in
here with a gun... Yeah, we don't really have a lot going on
these days. Hey, guys, if I could have your attention, we have ourselves
a new astronaut recruit. A recruit? Yes, this is...
Miriam. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Well, this is Reyes, she handles propulsion force,
and Patia takes care of guidance. Perkins here, she handles payload...
Oh, I'm O'Riley, by the way. I'm your launch team manager.
Pleased to meet you all. Well, welcome to the Space Ark Program.
Or what's left of it. So what brings you here today?
Oh, she needs to borrow one of our ships.
We really need to start locking the doors around here. Don't be rude,
Reyes, it's not like we're using them. So you have a destination in
mind? I do. She does. So, if you'd be so kind,
let's go to the auditorium, we'll explain. This thing on?
Okay, thank you everyone for taking time out from your busy day of routine
maintenance. I'd like to introduce Miriam here, who I believe will be proposing
a new mission for us. Yes, Milton. Why does Miriam have a gun?
Oh, right, hah, forgot to mention, we're all hostages now.
Are you planning to steal the ship at gun point?
I wasn't planning on it. When you're in the capsule, who's gonna hold
the gun down here? I just wanted to ask for your help.
To escape? No, to find some answers. Where do you expect to find
these answers? The Obscure. Do you even know what it is?
It's the end. The end of everything. But that's where I need to
go to ask my questions. Ask your... Who do you expect to give
you these answers, young lady? God Almighty himself?
As a matter of fact, yes. You really believe that?
I do. And you're willing to throw your life away for it.
Throw my life away? The world is ending.
It's not like I'll be able to grow old and retire someday.
Why you? Did God send an angel down to tell you where to
meet him? No. You're not some sort of prophet? No! God doesn't speak
to you? No! Look, I'm not special. Okay?
God doesn't speak to me. I'm looking for answers, and that's where I
need to go. Guys, with the end of the Earth Ark Program,
we all lost something. I don't just mean the mission, I mean our
purpose. Milton, you're tracking boxes that are going nowhere. Reyes, you're
plotting trajectories for ships that aren't leaving the ground. Patia, Perkins,
Benson, what flight crew are you supporting? This is more than just a
job for us. She's not the only one here searching for something;
we all are. So what do you say?
Shouldn't we help her? I say yes. Me, too.
Okay. I explained what I thought, that God was on the other side
of The Great Obscure, and to get there, I would need to go
through the eye of the storm. And fortunately, the work courses of the
Ark project were still stabled at the launch facility,
the Sisyphus II, heavy lift rockets, designed for transport of materials
and to orbit to the Ark's construction. Being there and working with them
almost took my mind away from it at times.
Some days, it even felt like life had returned to normal,
as if this was all some dream we would wake up from.
This a bunch of times. I checked and re checked all the numbers.
Why don't you just tell me what it is that you think?
I don't think your first plan is gonna work.
Look, I ran the simulations countless times. We could get her much closer
to her goal speed, if we can just give the engine some more ions to
work on. You don't even know if those are ions in any conventional
state. The Obscure? Do we have any other options?
Okay, if these ions do not interact with the engines, it will be
like a belly flop, like diving board 10 kilometers up in the sky.
Without enough speed, though, she'll get caught in the sun's gravity and
be pulled in. Can we talk about this later?
Well, Benson should be done with the heating modifications anyway. Right,
right. Are they always that adamant? They're not just worried about getting
you through. When you reach the edge of The Obscure, the sensors on
the ship will start sending them back information.
Are they still hoping they can stop it?
No, they just wanna study it. It's how they wanna deal with the
end. So, how long will it take? Our time, just about three weeks.
That seems fast. Yeah, well, you'll be traveling
fast. At your current departure date, you should reach your destination
approximately the same time The Obscure will hit the sun. But let's get
something clear: This is a one way trip.
It's not like there's gonna be anything to get back to.
You're okay with that? Yeah. I am. Finally sinking in? Yeah. I suppose
it is finally starting to sink in. Are those your children?
Yes, they are. How old are they? My son is six,
and my daughter is four. Four? That means you had her after all this started.
Life goes on. Until it doesn't. Even before The Great Obscure,
we had to face the fact that our kids wouldn't live forever.
And you're... Able to be happy? The only difference between before and
now is that now we know we'll all face it together.
I guess that's something. That might have been the first time I thought
clearly about dying, but even then, I only understood it on an intellectual
level. And what about now? Out here, all alone? Out here,
I know it in my gut, and in my heart.
And to be fully prepared for my own death,
I can't try to shut down the emotions.
I can't try to dull them with distractions or drugs or delusions.
I have to drown in the sorrow. I have to feel the pain,
because I have to remember. There were months left before the launch and
I wasn't able to contribute anything to the preparations, so I went to
see my parents and my sisters. Hey, you two. Is there any coffee
left? Yeah, I just made a fresh pot. So, how you been? You doing okay,
honey? Fine, Dad, for the third time. Don't mind him, sweetie.
It's just that we haven't seen you in so long.
Will you be staying? I don't know. For a little while.
Now, you stay as long as you'd like.
Have you heard from Hava and Hannah? No,
not since they went to that... Cult. But we're hoping that they come
for Thanksgiving this year. Well, I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could
go see them. Oh, I'd like that. What do you think,
honey? Why don't the two of you go and bring them back?
It'll be good to have everyone here together.
I think so, too. You're the psych major. Why do you think we
haven't heard anything from your sisters? Well, cults thrive on isolation.
They don't want their members being exposed to outside influences.
Great. You think they'd wanna come home with us?
No. But if you make it clear that it's just for a visit
and you're not trying to question their new beliefs, they might agree.
Make it a challenge, like if you really are secure in your beliefs,
they'll survive a visit with your mom. Yeah, something like that.
Hey, this is Hava, leave a message, or don't. Hey, sis. Look,
I know you had your reasons for leaving, and we didn't really see
eye to eye last time we talked, but I hope you're happy,
you and Hannah. Tell her I said hi. Uhm, sorry, that's not really
why I called, me and Dad are on our way to come see
you. Don't be mad, okay? Mom really misses you guys.
We all miss you, and that's not your only family up there.
Anyway, we should be there in about an hour. See you soon. Yeah,
he said we're on the right road. How did we end up so
far apart? What? I was just thinking, it seems like only yesterday,
we were all still living together, your mom packing your lunches in the
morning before school. Now look at us. Hey, Dad.
Did you ever really wanna leave Mom? Well, what kind of a question
is that? I don't know. All those years you spent fighting, I was
just kind of always afraid you would. Yeah,
I'm sorry for that. Really, I am. I used to pray that you'd
stay together. I guess it worked. But why did it work?
Why didn't you leave? I could never do that to you.
Any of you. You, your sisters, your mother.
She drives me crazy sometimes, but I know she loves me.
Yes, she does. So we'll go get your sisters,
and we'll all be together again for a little while.
I'm gonna need to ask you folks to turn around.
Well, what's going on? Road's closed. Please turn around, sir.
Excuse me. My father and I, we're looking for my two sisters.
They were living out here with this... With this group. We're trying to
find them. The cult? Yes. Go ahead and turn left here,
follow that road on up to the main building,
there's a deputy up there. He'll help you.
There... Are some things you just can't prepare yourself for. God... Goddamn!
Everyone, clear out for a few minutes. Why? There was a letter.
They all signed it. It's something about meeting God with pure heart and
grace. "Pure heart and grace," what the fuck does that even mean?
I don't know. You know what that means? It means they were ready.
It means they couldn't wait 'till the very end, 'cause that would mean running
the risk of letting the terror overwhelm their... What was it?
"Pure heart and grace." You think they did the right thing? Oh, no. No!
You think this proves anything? You really think they're on their way to
some clouds in space right now? No. No. No, of course,
I don't think they did the right thing!
I just think I understand why they did it. How... How do we...
We don't. We don't! Can you handle that?
If you can't, I'm leaving you in the city.
I can handle it. But what do we
say? We'll tell her that they're coming for Thanksgiving.
What happens when Thanksgiving rolls around? That's my problem.
Do you remember when you used to take us to the old park
when we were younger? Yeah, I remember. Welcome back.
How was the trip? It was fine. You must be exhausted from that
drive. Yeah. Do you... Want any coffee? No, thank you. I'll let everybody
know that you're back. You can crash in the apartment if you want.
I appreciate it. It was a pfft trip. Mind if I sit down
here? Sure. You know, Miriam, we haven't had a lot of time to
really talk, but... Are you alright? Paul, do you believe in God?
No. Not at all? No. Well, I'm sorry if my answer offends you.
No. I'm not offended; I just... What do you suppose comes
afterward? You mean after we die? Is it
light, or darkness? I think... I believe that there's nothing.
Once our biochemistry grinds to a halt, what we are,
who we are, ceases to exist. What's that like, do you suppose? Is
it fear? Or joy? Or peace? What was it like before you were
born? It's nothing. At the end of all this, we just...
Become memories. How do you keep going, then,
if you think there's nothing after? There doesn't have to be.
There doesn't have to be anything after for me to find meaning in
my life, now. I choose what's important to me,
the things that I value. I make goals in life, I follow my
dreams. You're not afraid that there's just nothing after this
life? I am. I am afraid of death, and I do think about
it. I guess knowing that everything is going to come to an end
soon, that's what keeps me going. And if I'm gonna die one day,
then I'm gonna live the best that I can
now, and I'm gonna keep living, right up until the end.
I gotta go meet with O'Riley. You gonna be okay here?
Yeah. I'm fine, go. And thank you. Sure.
Memories, is that all we become? The people we love,
our hopes, our dreams? And what will happen when everyone else is gone?
Who will remember us then? Hava... Hannah... And that's the story of how
I got here, alone in a spaceship with
nothing to keep me company but the stars
and you, little diary. I've been up here a week now,
thinking about the past, but for where I'm going, I need to prepare,
I need to concentrate. Because soon, I will arrive. Soon, you will arrive.
Soon, I'll arrive. Soon, you'll arrive. I need to concentrate.
What am I gonna say to God when I meet him?
If I meet him. What are you gonna say to the nothing when
you meet him? I need to focus. Imagine that I am made of
butter. You are made of butter. I am made of butter.
You are made of butter. Smooth, soft. Creamy butter.
My body is relaxing. Your body is relaxing. My body is melting.
Into the big bowl of butter, and just float around the capsule. Rise up
from the ground, visit all the people you love, who are dead or
are going to die, just like you. The sun is shining.
Yes, it is. The sun is shining, and I am... I'm...
Dying, just like everyone else. With all your questions left unanswered.
The sun is shining. I'm melting into the ground,
becoming one with... One with the earth? The earth you'll never see again?
I am melting into the ground. The sun is shining. The sun is
shining. Is not that the problem? And it's gonna keep shining brighter and
brighter until everything you know burns. Stop! I know I'm going to die.
It's inevitable. And I don't mean, like, I know one day as a
mortal, I'll die. I know that as soon as I get to wherever
I'm going, I'm dead. But until then, I will not stop living.
I will not succumb to the fear, and I won't give up.
I will not give up. Oh, hey. Sorry, I didn't think anyone would
be up here. It's alright. I was up here working earlier,
I left some things. Hey, Milton? Can I ask you a question?
Sure. What's that? When I first got here and told you everything that
I wanted to do, what made you agree to help me?
I agreed to help you because what I do still means a lot
to me. But the Earth Ark Program is over.
Working here as long as I have, I've seen a lot of things.
I've seen our space program compete with the Russians and the Chinese
simply because of politics. I've seen those same programs come together
to help each other. But through it all,
what kept me going was... I was never focused only on the end
result. To work, to face the challenge of each new mission,
that's why I stayed. And seeing you, seeing someone else who's worked so
very hard for their goals, despite the fact that
it will all be ending very soon, well...
I guess that reminded me of why I'm here. Hm. I've never thought
about it like that before. Don't overlook the value of the work you've
done and the experiences you've had just getting this far.
So I guess you were the one that named this shuttle? O'Riley? I
didn't think anybody else was up here. Is everything alright?
Yeah, I'm good. I can leave if you need some privacy.
No. No, stay. It's good you're here. Sit, please. It's incredible,
isn't it? Like a flood, black water rising up to our doorstep.
What's it doing? You know, I remember when the Earth Ark Project was
in full swing. All I could think about was getting it completed,
getting it ready for departure, I never thought about The Obscure.
Now I can't think about anything else. You still gotta get me ready
for departure. I wanna believe that, I really do. I... I feel like
I'd be working in vain, though. I understand.
I... I need you to do me a favor. What? I want you
to tell the others... I'm leaving. Just like that?
You're quitting? You don't need me to get that rocket off the ground.
Maybe I need your faith. Maybe the others need you to tell them
that their work still has meaning. If I lie to you all,
it wouldn't make any difference. You're gonna get in that rocket,
because that's what you need to do to find your answers.
And the others, they're gonna help you, 'cause that's what they need to
do to find their answers. What will you
do? I'm gonna be with the woman I love.
Visit where we first met. Relive all the days after that for as long as
we've got. So, why are you sneaking off like this?
The others would understand. Maybe they would. Maybe.
I'll tell them for you. Thank you. A family, a dog,
a normal life, would I have been happy with those things?
Everyone chooses how to spend their limited time.
I guess life could be simplified down to that,
just a series of choices. And my choices led me here. I didn't
know how my father planned to explain my sisters' absence at Thanksgiving.
I decided not to ask. Hey, honey, did the girls call?
Yeah, they'll... They'll be here soon. I hope so. Dinner's almost ready.
Dad? Happy Thanksgiving, honey. Happy Thanksgiving. I didn't wake you,
did I? No. No, I was up. How are you doing,
honey? You doing okay? Yeah, I'm alright. That's good, honey. I just called
'cause your mom and I wanted to let you know
we love you very much. I love you guys, too.
Is... Is everything... Okay? Yeah, we're both alright. Is mom there?
Can I talk to her? Oh, sure. Hang on. Hey, honey. Mom, it's
good to hear your voice. You, too. How are you?
Missing you. Missing everyone. I know. Me, too. I wish I could have
come back. It's alright, Miriam. I... I understand the choices you and your
sisters made. Mom... I love you, Miriam. You've made me so proud.
Thanks, mom. I love you, too. So much.
Can I talk to dad again? Of course.
Hang on just a second. Hi, honey. I really didn't expect to hear
from you guys after Thanksgiving came. I figured
you and mom would... Miriam. You know, I actually did try to keep
it from your mother. I wanted to protect her, but she knew. Your mom
surprised me. Not the first time, dad. Yeah.
Well, we're still here, and we will be in case you decide you want
to see us. Dad, what I'm doing, I won't be able to come
back. Pretty soon, I won't even be able to call. I... I understand,
honey. You're... Doing what you need to do.
Thank you, daddy. I love you. Your mom and I will be right
here, thinking of you and sending you our love. It was the last
time I talked to my parents. It never seemed like they were all
that far away, not until now. Now, even across the darkness,
across the silence, I can still feel them.
They're still with me. I'm closer now. I'll either find my answers,
or they'll find me. But I can still feel it, the hurt
and the anger clouding my mind. It would be
so much easier if I could just accept
the unknown things in my life. But I can't live without knowing why.
It's just who I am. And I will face the end asking my
questions and looking for answers. If there is an afterlife or another world,
something bigger beyond the known, then I wanna enter it
with a pure heart and grace. I will not let the fear take
over. I will not succumb to panic. I will be strong.
I'm not even really sad about my own death. I suppose I've finally
come to accept it. I do not deny that I'm
scared. But I'm no longer angry. I do not deny that very soon,
everything will end. Guess it's starting. I suppose I could pray. I could
start talking to God, since that was the point of this journey.
But coming this far, seeing all that I've seen,
all the beauty, and the love, and the pain,
I believe that God is weeping. He loves us. He built the world
for us to do with it as we pleased.
He isn't angry with us, nor is he responsible for what happened.
God only created everything; he doesn't control any of it. He is sorry,
I think, that this happened. He wants us to know that.
He wants us to forgive him. Imagine that.
God wants our forgiveness. If you can hear me, God, I forgive you. I don't
blame you for what happened. You gave us life and a whole world
to live in. We spent far too much time hating and hurting each
other instead of being grateful to you for the chance to love and
care for each other. For that, God, I beg your forgiveness,
for me and for all humankind. And I want to say goodbye, because
up here, up here, I can believe that they can hear me.
And if I believe it, it can be true. Goodbye, Reyes, Patia, you wonderful
people who gave your precious last days to send me on this quest.
I hope I helped you find some meaning
in this chaos. Goodbye, Milton. You saw something in me
and you helped me find value in my journey despite what the outcome
might be. Goodbye, Benson. Thank you for reminding me what joy there is
in a human connection. I hope you found what you were looking for.
And goodbye, O'Riley. You were the one who first believed in me
and gave me a chance to find my answers.
You understood why, and you helped me, and for that, I can never
thank you enough. Goodbye, Mom and Dad. I'm sorry for everything bad I
ever did. I'm sorry for making you worry,
and for making you feel like I didn't appreciate you.
I love you both, and I always felt so lucky to have parents
that truly cared. Goodbye, Hava and Hannah, my poor little sisters.
I know I wasn't always the best role model for you.
I wanted to be, but I was too selfish. I hope now you
can be proud of me and look up to me as your brave big sister,
the last earth girl who went to space to find God.
And goodbye to my life, to myself. I should have loved you more
when I had the chance. I hope you find the answers you're looking for. I
spent my entire life trying to figure out how to be this
peaceful. My old screen name was even Seule Silence, which means "Only Silence"
in French, and that is exactly what I have now:
Only silence. And for once, for the first time in my entire life,
that silence does not frighten me.