(golf club swinging) (whimsical music)
Downloaded from YTS.MX
(upbeat piano music)
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- Oh, hey there.
I'm on my way to the golf course.
Golf is a funny game.
Whether people play it or not, love it or not,
they usually have an opinion about it.
And it's probably the only sport where people will go
out of their way to tell you they suck at it.
Talk about other sports and you'll hear things like-
- I love tennis, such good exercise.
- Baseball, nothin' like a day at the ballpark.
(baseball cracking)
(crowd cheering)
- Hockey is so fast and exciting.
- [Rick] But mention golf and you'll hear-
- I suck at golf.
- Golf?
I suck at golf.
- I suck at golf.
- I really, really suck at golf.
- I suck at golf.
("Thought A Little Bit About You")
♪ Well ♪
♪ I know you better for a little while now Sue ♪
♪ Takin' me some time and then I'm takin' some notice of you ♪
♪ You were always someone who was hangin' around ♪
♪ Now all of a sudden (indistinct) ♪
♪ I'm a feelin' somethin' ♪
♪ Since I thought a little bit about you ♪
♪ Yes I do ♪
♪ Well I've been out a rockin' ♪
♪ And I seen you hangin' round the place ♪
♪ Never really noticed ♪
♪ 'Cause I never really noticed your face ♪
♪ When it comes to girls you know I've seen a few ♪
♪ You been outta dancin' and makin' me blue ♪
♪ I'm a feelin' somethin' ♪
♪ Since I thought a little bit about you ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Well I'm a gonna try to make up for all the time I missed ♪
♪ Do all I can to let you know that I exist ♪
♪ I'm gonna make you notice me ♪
♪ That's what I'll do ♪
♪ You been hangin' around and it's a makin' me blue ♪
♪ I'm a feelin' somethin' ♪
♪ Since I thought a little bit about you ♪
♪ Yeah I'm a feelin' somethin' ♪
♪ Since I thought a little bit about you ♪
♪ Well I'm a feelin' somethin' ♪
♪ Since I thought a little bit about you ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
- [Doug] Thank you very much.
- You, Dick.
- [Rick] It's Rick.
- Where all the pop cans?
- They're in the recycling bin.
- Why are they there?
- Because they're empty.
- Pop cans don't go in recycling.
- They don't?
- No, they go in these plastic bags,
and then we, and by we I mean you,
take 'em to the store for a refund.
- Holy.
- It's not for me.
It's for the junior program. - Okay, gotcha.
- Okay, go on. (phone ringing)
Actually, give me that.
You answer the phone.
- Woodlands Golf Club.
You'd like a tee time tomorrow?
What time would you like?
Between nine and 9:30?
Let's see.
Wide open.
You can have your pick.
You can have anything.
Nine to 9:30 is wide open.
There are no bookings between nine and 9:30.
Yes, I know you said between nine and 9:30.
I'm saying, oh never mind, how about 9:15?
Earlier?
How about 9:08?
Nine o'clock maybe?
Still too late?
(sighing)
I've got 8:52.
Perfect?
Thank God.
What?
Oh, I said that's mod.
Okay?
See you tomorrow.
Goodbye.
(phone ringing) Woodlands Golf Club.
- Hi, is this Rick?
- [Rick] Yes, it is.
- Hi, Rick, it's Bogart here.
Listen, I'm running a little late.
Are you still able to get me off early?
- Yeah, sure.
Is this Mr. Humphries?
- I've told you before Rick, call me Bogart,
and I'll see you very soon.
(whimsical music)
(gravel crunching)
(door slamming)
(clubs clinking)
(trunk door slamming)
- Buy yourself a sandwich or something.
(birds chirping)
Hey, Rick, I'm here.
- You're on the tee, Mr. Humphries.
- Bogart.
- Mr. Bogart. - Thanks.
- Sorry.
(whimsical music)
(phone ringing) - Woodlands Golf Club.
- Hey Rick, it's Bogart.
There's no one else here.
- You're just a onesome, Mr. Bogart.
- [Bogart] A onesome?
- Yes, I'm very sorry.
It's just a quiet afternoon.
There's no one following you.
Maybe play two balls.
- Well, that's a splendid idea.
Thanks for all you do, Rick.
- Oh, you're very welcome, Mr.,
I mean Bogart.
- Who's that jackass on the first tee?
- That's Bogart. - Bogart?
- Mr. Humphries.
- He just handed me five bucks.
- He's a very nice man.
- Why did he hand me five bucks?
- Like I said-
- He's a very nice man.
Who I bet I can't play golf for shit.
(whimsical music)
- Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
- And with mismatched golf shoes.
(whimsical music)
- Let's give this another shot.
(whimsical music)
That was a little better.
(whimsical music)
Afternoon.
(whimsical music)
(birds chirping)
(whimsical music)
- [Rick] People suck at golf for a variety of reasons,
but one of them is just arriving too late.
I see it all day long.
- (sighing) How's the tee sheet lookin'?
- Super dead.
Two twosomes in an hour
and then a foursome about an hour after that.
Not good, is it?
- Oh, it's great if you want the golf course to yourself
for a leisurely round.
Not so great if you'd been hired to increase rounds of play.
- Maybe it's the weather?
- The weather's perfect.
- Perfect for the beach.
Maybe everyone's gone to the beach.
A little rain might help.
- Oh rain, that's all I need.
- [Rick] It's not that bad.
- It is that bad.
If we don't hit 50,000 rounds this year
this place gets turned into a park.
- Seriously?
- Yep.
Council doesn't like golf.
They're looking for an excuse to shut this place down
and turn it into a park that everyone can enjoy.
- Oh.
- Yeah, so don't even talk to me about rain.
I'm gonna grab a bite to eat
and then I'm gonna take those cans to the store.
- Okay.
- Welcome to Woodlands Golf Club.
(girls chuckling)
Is that funny?
- Well, we come here all the time.
You don't always have to say,
"Welcome to Woodlands Golf Club."
(Sally giggling) - Actually I do.
I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry.
- [Rick] How can I help you?
- We want to play golf.
- When?
- Today.
- [Rick] When today?
- How about now?
- [Rick] Now?
- Yes, now or soon.
Look on the little tee sheet with your eyes
and see if there's an opening for now or soon.
- Okay.
Says here there's an opening for quarter past now
or soon 30.
(girls giggling)
- So? - So what?
- Can we play golf?
- Yeah, the tee's all yours.
- Oh, and I want a golf ball.
- They're $3 each.
- I think I want
that one.
- They're all Titleists.
- No, I want that one.
- [Rick] But they're all the same.
- No, this one's a seven and seven's my lucky number.
- It is? - It is.
Isn't seven my lucky number?
- Seven is her lucky number.
- Surely there must be another seven.
- Probably, but do you want to look through all of them
when we know this one's a seven?
Do you?
- Okay.
- Would you be a dear and grab it for me?
(golf balls crashing)
(whimsical music)
(leaves crunching)
(birds chirping)
(golf ball cracking) (phone ringing)
- Gotta be 200 yards.
(phone ringing)
(grass crunching)
(phone ringing)
Hello?
What?
Now?
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.
I totally forgot.
Can you wait like half an hour?
You can.
Great.
I'm on my way.
Oh, and you're not billing me for waiting are you?
Mmmm,
30 minutes, I can do this.
(upbeat bluegrass music)
(whimsical music)
- Hey Siri, get directions to the nearest gas station.
- [Siri] There's a bus station at Main and Marine Drive.
Is that the one you're looking for?
- No gas station.
- [Siri] There's another at Third Street and Commercial.
It's open today.
Is that the one- - Hey Siri, cancel.
- [Siri] Okay.
- Hey Siri, get walking directions
to the Chevron nearest me.
- [Siri] There's a Chevron at 1472 Marine Drive,
about one kilometer to yourself.
It gets two stars.
Is that the one you're looking for?
- Yes.
- [Siri] Getting directions.
- People are unbelievable.
- Is that?
Poor fellow.
So sad.
(whimsical music)
(car honking)
(knocking on door)
I'm so sorry I'm late.
I must admit, I totally forgot.
My brain has been a bit off lately.
- Totally understand.
The papers are waiting for you to sign right there.
And I'm sorry to move things along so quickly,
but I have a tee time.
- Oh, that's my fault.
I'm so sorry.
- The yellow arrows are where you sign.
- All right.
So whereabouts do you play?
- The Hennessy Golf Club.
I'm a member there.
- Oh, that's a nice little track.
- Not for long, unfortunately.
- [Bogart] Oh no.
- Well it's on leased land.
- Oh.
Last one.
There we go. - All done?
- [Bogart] All done.
- [Redman] Thank you.
(stamp clicking)
You're officially divorced.
- It feels a bit odd.
- Well, I must say I'm a little numb these days
when it comes to this, but divorce is odd.
But, you know, you have to think of the brighter side.
You are winding up with the house.
- Yeah, but she gets the other house
and the cottage
and the boat and the Mercedes
and the pension and...
(whimsical music)
- Hey Ray, did you run out of gas?
- No flies on you.
- You really did.
- I sure did.
- Oh, are you very far from here?
- I'm about a kilometer up the road.
- Well, listen, I've just gotta go to the doc for Roosa.
If you can hold on a minute,
I'll give you a lift.
- Really, that'd be great, actually.
- Do you mind just holding onto Rover?
- Rover?
- Yeah, oh and my coffee.
(whimsical music)
- Poor fellow out front.
- Oh no, not again.
- I guess it happens a lot.
- Hazard of the biz.
I'll give him some time and I'll send him away.
- Okay. - There you go.
- Thank you.
(whimsical music) (coins plopping)
♪ See everybody's trying to make par ♪
♪ Swept those extra numbers off of your score card ♪
♪ But till when you gotta play ♪
♪ To face the trees and bunkers that stand in your way ♪
♪ You could be a while yeah ♪
♪ (indistinct) ♪
♪ Failure's gotta be your friend ♪
♪ When it goes wrong you gotta tee off again ♪
♪ See life is like a putting green ♪
♪ Easy on the eye but also quite mean ♪
♪ So don't be mad when it goes off land ♪
♪ It takes a wise old man to read the land ♪
♪ It could be a while yeah ♪
(whimsical music) - People are animals.
- Can I buy you a meal?
- What?
- They have a wonderful little restaurant inside.
I could get you a sandwich or perhaps some beans on toast.
- Who do you think I am?
- I don't know who you are or what your story is,
and I don't need to know.
All you need to know is there's no shame
in accepting a little help?
- I'm Ray Wright.
- Well it's very nice to meet you, Ray.
- I'm the pro here at the golf club.
- What?
- I'm the goddamn golf pro.
- I didn't think...
I mean I...
I think I...
You are?
I've been dying to meet you.
I've heard you're a really good teacher.
Maybe I could use a lesson.
- Oh, you could use a lesson.
I've seen you play.
- You saw me play?
- Yesterday on the first tee.
- Oh, yesterday.
Oh yeah, not exactly my finest hour.
What are you doing now?
Maybe I could get a lesson.
- I am going to lunch.
- Perfect, let me buy your lunch.
- I told you, you don't need to buy me lunch.
- I don't mean buy you lunch
'cause you cannot afford to eat buy your lunch.
I mean buy you lunch 'cause it would be nice
to have lunch with you lunch,
and you're gonna have lunch anyway.
- You buying?
- I'm buying.
(whimsical music)
- Hi, Lauren, have you met Ray?
- Our new pro, of course.
How are you, Ray?
- Hungry.
- And how are you, Lauren?
- Well, you know, work never stops for a single mom.
- Oh, so you're single?
And a mom?
- Yes, that's the term, single mom.
(laughing) - Are you gonna
put those down?
- These?
No, these are for table five.
Just kidding.
Here you go.
- [Bogart] Boy, for someone who said
they weren't in need of a meal.
- Excuse me?
- Nevermind.
I'll wait until you're finished
chewing.
- So tell me about your golf.
- Well, let's face it, I suck at golf.
- Everyone sucks at golf.
- No, they don't.
Well, that's true, but they think they do.
- Why is that?
- [Ray] Well, because most do.
- Well that's true, isn't it?
- Hey, it's a difficult game,
made even more difficult by the perception
it should be easy because the ball isn't moving.
I mean, it's just sittin' there.
- Very true.
- [Ray] It's like life.
- How so?
- Well, life, it's just sittin' there, too, isn't it?
I mean, we're born into it and it's there.
It's not like we had to buy a ticket.
It should be easy,
but it isn't.
At the end of the day golf is just a metaphor for life.
- And I suck at life.
Interesting, again.
- Sure you don't suck at life.
- I got divorced yesterday.
- Oh, that sucks.
- What about you?
Married, divorced, kids?
- I could probably help your game right here.
- [Bogart] What, over lunch?
- Yep.
- With your mouth full?
- Most people set themselves up for a bad game
before they even reach the first tee.
- [Bogart] Really?
- Yes, Mr. squeal into the parking lot.
- Oh, you saw that.
- I still have dust in my hair.
- See, that's why I thought you were-
- Don't.
- So tell me more.
How can you help my game over lunch?
- Think about the airport.
- [Bogart] Think about the airport?
- Think about the airport,
what are you thinking about?
- The airport.
- What about the airport?
- Stewardesses.
- You have a flight.
Do you arrive at the airport one minute before takeoff?
- Oh God no.
90 minutes, sometimes two hours.
Have you been to the airport lately?
- Stay with me here.
- Oh, sorry.
- [Ray] And you pack?
- The night before.
- Golf should be the same.
- But golf isn't quite as important as catching a flight.
- It isn't?
Ever played a great game of golf.
- Believe it or not, yeah.
- Ever played a bad game of golf?
- Uuuu, do I really need to answer that?
- Ever had a flight as euphoric as a great game of golf?
- [Bogart] Ahhh.
- Or as depressing as a bad game of golf?
- Well, there were a couple of times on United,
but I totally get the point.
- Golf is a major part of Bogart Humperdink's life.
- [Bogart] Humphries.
- You play golf to enrich your life.
You take a flight to get from point A to point B.
You can't say golf isn't as important as a flight.
- I see.
So is there any more?
- Nope, that's it.
- [Bogart] Seriously?
- It's all you get for one lunch.
Join me on the first tee tomorrow night at 6 p.m.
- [Bogart] Really?
- And bring your clubs.
- Oh, I can do that.
My wife didn't get those.
(whimsical music)
- Nice girl?
- Oh, what?
I was just lookin' at who was on the first tee.
- But the first tee's out that window.
- Yes, but the practice green is out this window,
and people usually go there first.
- That's almost clever.
Is there one in particular that you're sweet on?
- Sweet on?
- Don't be a dick.
Is there one of them in particular that you like?
- Not really.
- Do you remember what I taught you about aiming?
Don't just say aim for the fairway.
- Aim for a tree.
- Don't just aim for a tree, aim?
- For a branch.
- Don't just same for a branch.
- Aim for a leaf.
- [Ray] So?
- So what?
- When aiming for the love of your life?
- Love of my life?
I'm 15.
- Don't just say him for a group of girls.
- Aim for one girl.
- Don't just aim for one girl.
Aim for?
- Her left breast?
- Oh, your generation is doomed.
(phone ringing)
- Want me to get that?
- That is what you do.
(phone ringing)
- Woodlands Golf Club.
- It's for you.
- Ray Wright.
What?
But you said that...
Well how am I gonna do...
I know what a contract is.
Yeah, no, I understand.
- That didn't sound good.
- It wasn't good.
They've moved up the deadline.
- Oh.
- The only way to stop it is to actually do 50,000 rounds.
- We can do that.
- [Ray] In a month.
- Oh.
- That's over a thousand rounds a day.
- 1,666 actually.
- Shut up.
- Point six, six, six, six, six.
(door slamming)
Six, seven.
(whimsical music)
(ball cracking)
- Hi Rick.
- Hey Bogart, how's it goin'?
- Good, just practicing for a lesson this evening.
- Isn't that like cleaning before the maid comes?
- (chuckling) I'd like not to make a fool of myself.
Do you play golf?
- Yeah, I'm on my school team.
- Well, that's wonderful.
You have a really good attitude.
I bet you'll do well.
(golf balls crashing)
- Did anyone lose a Titleist three?
Or a Pinnacle?
Or a Wilson?
Oh, hello Wilson.
We might just make it.
Did that thought ever cross your brain?
Well, regardless, I'd rather take my chances
out there in the ocean than to stay here and die
on this shit hole of an island,
spending the rest of my life talking to a goddamn golf ball.
Here you go.
- A feisty one.
- I don't know if I'm in love or really, really scared.
- [Bogart] It could be a fine line.
- Sorry about your balls.
- Oh fine, that's the most fun I've had in awhile.
- That's sad.
- Look, go talk to her.
- What?
- [Bogart] You obviously like her.
Go talk to her.
- She's with her friend.
- [Bogart] She's leaving.
- What would I even say?
- See if she wants some more...
Ah, no, let's think.
Tell her she has a lovely swing.
- She does have a nice swing.
- Don't tell me,
tell her.
(sighing)
- Nice swing.
- I bet you say that to all the girls.
- Yeah, 'cause there's so many girls that play golf here.
- You know, you're kind of a smart ass.
- Never been accused of that before.
- That's surprising.
Can you check my stance, please?
- Excuse me?
- Stand there and see if my stance looks good.
Well?
- Perfect.
- No, seriously.
- I am serious.
Good spine angle,
weight on the balls of your feet,
good lines.
- Good lines?
- Yeah, arms hanging naturally,
knees bent but not too bent.
Beautiful.
- That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
(ball crashing)
- Oops, shank.
Sorry.
- We should play,
golf that is.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, for sure.
- Yeah.
- Well, I better be getting back to work now.
- Okay.
(balls crashing)
(whimsical music)
- I thought you'd be rolling into the parking lot
right about now.
- No, I listened.
I even hit a quick bucket of balls.
- Quick bucket?
All drivers?
- About half.
- [Ray] Are half the shots you're gonna hit today
gonna be drivers?
- Well, no.
- Hit any putts?
- Well, no, I didn't have time.
- So you're not gonna put today?
- Well, no, I mean-
- I predict that 40 to 50% of the shots
you're gonna hit today are gonna be putts.
But you didn't think to practice putting.
Unless of course you're an amazing putter.
- Definitely not.
- [Ray] Come on, get on with it.
- Would you like the honor?
- I'm not here for honor.
It gets dark at nine.
(club crashing)
- Sorry, sorry.
(ball cracking)
- Nice shot.
- Gee, thanks.
(ball cracking)
Want that one again?
- Come on.
(whimsical music)
Got it figured out?
- I think so.
- Got the line.
- [Bogart] Think so.
- I bet you miss by six feet.
- I don't know, you're the pro and all.
But it's a pretty straight putt,
and I got a pretty good read on it.
- Okay.
(birds chirping)
- Oooo.
- See?
- See what?
I nearly made it.
- You missed by six feet.
- I did not.
What, I haven't finished yet.
- Yeah, you have.
(crickets chirping)
Okay, stop.
Now that we've got your pre-shot routine
down to under five minutes, it's time to ask,
what are you aiming at?
- What do you mean?
- It's not a difficult question.
What are you aiming at?
- The fairway?
- There's four acres of fairway out there.
You just aiming for four acres?
- Yeah.
- Aim for something.
In tennis they're not just aiming for the service box,
they're aiming for two square inches of it.
In basketball they're aiming for a specific spot on the rim.
In hockey they're not just aiming for the net.
They're aiming for a postage stamp
above the goalie's shoulder.
- I don't know hockey.
- Don't be a dick.
Don't just aim for the fairway.
Aim for a tree off in the distance.
And don't just aim for a tree, aim for a branch.
Better yet, a leaf on that branch.
If you aim for the fairway and you miss,
you miss the fairway.
If you aim for a sprinkler head and you miss
you're still in the fairway.
You follow?
- That was very Robert Shaw.
- Yeah?
I was going for that.
Now come on.
- Okay, I'm aiming.
- [Ray] What are you aiming for?
- You see that ground under repair sign,
slap dab in the middle of the fairway?
- Now don't just aim for the sign.
Aim for a word or even a letter in under.
- Nevermind that, I'm aiming for printed in Japan.
- Atta boy.
(ball cracking)
Nice shot.
- Yes.
Come on, my son taught me this.
- No, I'm not doing that.
- Anyway, you're brilliant.
- I didn't hit the drive.
Come on, this hole's far from over.
(whimsical music)
Nice drive.
Now, choose your club.
What the hell is that?
- What do you mean?
It's a three-wood.
- Why'd you pull your three-wood out?
Do you know how hard it is to hit a three-wood off the deck?
- But it's 300 yards to the pin.
- Can you hit a three-way 300 yards?
- Well, no.
- Can you hit anything 300 yards?
- No, but.
- [Ray] So are we agreed that
you're not getting there in one shot?
- Of course.
- What's your 150 yard club.
- I'd say maybe my seven iron.
- I'd say maybe.
Bogart, you have to know how far your clubs go,
each and every club.
For now, let's assume your seven iron goes 150 yards.
- [Bogart] Okay.
- Don't just stand there.
Get your seven iron.
- Oh, what now?
- Yes now.
What's your target?
- Well, I'm 300 yards out.
Maybe the 150 yard marker in the middle of the fairway?
- Give the man a gold star.
Now come on, hit it.
(whimsical music)
(ball cracking)
- [Announcer] Jim, Bogart has a perfect lie
in the middle of the fairway,
right by the 150 yard marker.
But it shouldn't interfere with his swing.
- How far?
- [Announcer] He's consulting with his caddy,
getting a yardage.
(birds chirping)
- 150.
- [Announcer] 150.
That should be right in Bogart's wheelhouse.
All he needs to do is put this close
and the championship should be his.
- Hey Walter Mitty, get on with it.
- Seven iron again?
- You're a genius.
(ball cracking)
See, you don't suck at golf.
You're just not very smart.
- Hey.
- I was only kidding.
- Hey, you haven't taken your shot.
- I haven't had a shot in three holes now.
- Really?
- You've been too focused to notice.
- Oh gosh, I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry.
It's your focus that's making you play better.
- I guess you're right.
- Oh, I'm right.
- You know, I envy you, Ray.
- Envy me?
- Sure, you're working at a golf course,
no stress, playing golf every day.
- Are you kidding me?
Playing golf every day?
How many times have you played golf this year?
- It's 102,
today, 103.
- I've played seven times.
Seven times.
It should be me envying you, except that I don't.
I'm only here because we made a deal.
I should be back in my office
trying to figure out a way to save the golf course.
- Save it?
From what?
- From closing.
Somebody on town council wants to shut down the golf course.
I haven't even unpacked,
and they wanna close it.
- Which councilor?
- Cruella Deville or something like that.
- (chuckling) Sue Ella Lamille.
- That's her.
- So what are we gonna do about it?
- We?
- Sure, I can help.
- There's nothing you can do about it.
Unless you know 25,000 people
who can play golf here in the next month.
(whimsical music)
- Oh, there he is.
Oh, Rick.
- Oh, I'm on my way home.
Do you need something from inside?
- Just inside your brain.
- We have a rules question for you.
- Well, you're a pro, you should know.
- I'm not actually-
- Gladys and I were just finishing a match on the ninth.
- We just played nine 'cause we're old.
- Speak for yourself.
Anyway, I was on the green and Gladys was just off.
- I'm having trouble with my irons.
I can hit my driver like a son of a bitch, but.
- But she was off the green and I was on,
and she refused to play first.
- Because I was closest to the pin.
If I'd have gone first, she would've seen the line.
The match was tied.
So this was for the whole shootin' works.
- Shooting match.
- I knew it was a match.
I'm not in the home yet.
- Okay, so Alice, you were on the green.
- Correct.
- And Gladys was off, but that doesn't really matter.
The question is who was farthest from the pin.
- Really?
Well, that's hard to say.
It is not.
You darn well, I measured.
Alice was exactly 20 handbags further away
and I was 16.
- Handbags?
- Yeah, handbags.
I had nothing else to measure with so I use the handbags.
- So if you used handbags, that settles it.
Alice should have played first
as she was farther from the pin
and being on or off the green doesn't really matter.
Which means you played out of turn and you lose the hole.
- What a crock.
- You owe me a loony.
- You're a loony.
- Lisa?
She's out on the course right now.
Yeah I know what an inhaler is.
What, is she okay?
Of course I can, anything.
Ladies change room?
I can't do that.
Of course I don't want her to die.
Eighth hole?
Okay, I'm on it.
- Okay, thanks.
And do hurry.
He really is quite adorable.
(whimsical music)
(pedal squeaking)
(dramatic orchestral music)
(birds chirping)
- Here.
- What's this?
Who are you?
- It's me, Rick.
That's your inhaler.
- Take your helmet off.
(gasping for air)
- I know it's an inhaler.
Well, why are you giving it to me?
- Don't you need it?
- Well sometimes, but not right now.
- Five minutes ago?
- No.
- Then why?
- Here, take this.
- Thanks.
(gasping for air)
Then why did someone phone me
telling me you were having an asthma attack
and to bring you your inhaler?
- I wasn't having an attack.
I have a spare inhaler in my golf bag.
Where'd you get that?
- You're backpack in the lady's change room.
- What?
You went through my backpack.
Why did you go through my backpack?
And what were you doing in the ladies change room?
- They told me to.
- They?
- Your friend on the phone.
She said you were having an asthma attack.
- Oh.
- Oh?
- I think someone's messing with you.
- That much I figured out already.
- I think my friend Sally put you up to this.
- It's not funny.
I thought you were dying.
Not to mention a lot of the ride was uphill.
- Well, I think you're sweet.
- You do?
- For sure.
My knight in shining armor, come to save me.
- Last week I got a call saying that Mr. Bambrick
was having a heart attack on the 11th.
I brought up the defibrillator
and turns out it was just heartburn.
- [Lisa] Well, that killed the moment.
- Sorry, I got a $10 tip out of it though.
- Are you suggesting I should give you a tip?
- Oh no, I didn't mean that.
- How about if I let you walk in with me?
- Um, okay.
- I'm sorry, that must've sounded awful.
- No, I'd be happy to.
- Maybe you can give me a tip or two.
♪ Girl you've got that smile ♪
♪ It makes my heart beat every day ♪
♪ And you got that way ♪
♪ Of making it easy to fall for you ♪
♪ I do ♪
♪ Promise two ♪
♪ Hands to hold you when you're cold ♪
♪ I can't help it ♪
♪ I'm a fool for you ♪
♪ Girl you've got those eyes ♪
♪ That still gleam under the pale moonlight ♪
- Get a move on.
♪ You ♪
♪ I'm a fool for ♪ - Can I walk you home?
- No, I'm gonna hang out on the putting green.
- Oh really?
- Yeah, well just until my mom picks me up.
- Oh, okay.
Bye. - Bye.
Oh, your helmet.
- Yeah, my helmet.
- Yeah.
- Ope.
- Okay, see ya.
- See ya.
- Your clubs.
- Right, my clubs.
♪ I'm so in love with ♪
♪ You ♪
(people chattering)
- More tea?
Another sandwich?
- No, thank you.
- No?
- Is that surprising?
- Well, you do like your tea and your sandwiches.
- I do, don't I?
But if I have any more I won't sleep tonight,
and I have trouble sleeping as it is.
- Aww, I'm sorry.
Whatcha reading?
(laughing)
- I think somebody's trying to tell me something.
- A gift?
- It was a mystery gift.
Someone left it in my day locker.
No idea who.
- Somebody who played behind you, perhaps?
- [Bogart] Ha ha, very funny.
- I'll get you some change.
- No, that's good.
Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Will I see you tomorrow?
- Does bear go number two in the woods?
- You're funny.
- [Bogart] (chuckling) Thank you.
- See you tomorrow, Bogart.
- [Bogart] Thanks for everything, Lauren.
- Honey, there's some pizza in the kitchen.
Would you like some?
- Oh, thank you, but I can't.
- It's on me.
We're closing, it'll just get thrown out.
- But you're closing.
- That's okay.
I have to cash out.
You have time.
- Are you sure?
- Of course I'm sure.
I'll be right back.
(gentle music)
Lisa?
What are you doing here?
I thought you went home.
- It's hard to explain.
I can't go home.
- What?
Why can't you go home?
- Well, my mom kicked me out
for her new boyfriend to move in.
- That's crazy.
- A little bit.
- So what are you gonna do?
You weren't gonna sleep here were you?
You were.
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry, you poor girl.
Just this once?
Or has this been going on for-
- A couple days?
- Well, it's not gonna happen tonight.
No, no, I didn't mean it like that.
I mean, you're gonna come home with me.
- I can't.
- Of course you can.
And you are.
Now come on, get your things.
You know what?
I'm only walking distance away.
And it's a longish walk,
but that'll give us some time to talk, okay?
- [Lisa] Okay.
(gentle music)
- Well that sounds hard.
- Well, I feel like I'm
making my mother sound like a monster.
- Well, certainly not mother of the year.
- Well, she's not that bad until she goes off her meds.
And then- - Why did she
go off her medications?
- Why does anyone go off their meds?
It makes them feel better.
And then-
- Then they think they're better
and then they stop.
- Yeah, and it keeps on happening.
- Well where's your dad in all this?
Oh, I'm sorry, do you have a dad?
- Yeah, he lives in Seattle.
- I don't know how to ask this delicately,
but doesn't he want you?
- Yeah, of course.
He fought for me in court, but then lost.
And then our mother, my mother moved us here.
- Does he know what's going on?
- Yeah, I told him.
- You told him that you're
sleeping outside at a golf course?
- Oh God, no.
I told him I'm staying at my friends.
- Well, at least that's true.
You can stay with us as long as you need to.
- You and your husband?
- No, me and my son.
I'm a widow.
- Oh God, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, no, no, it's okay.
It happened a long time ago.
- How old's your son?
- He's 15.
You probably know him.
He works at the pro shop.
Lisa, what's wrong?
- Rick, Rick from the pro shop's your son?
- Yeah, he is.
- I can't go to your house.
- Why not?
- Because it would be the most embarrassing thing ever.
- Don't be silly.
Rick's a great kid.
He'll totally understand.
- What?
She can't come in here.
- Why on earth not?
- Because that'll be the most embarrassing thing ever.
- Don't be ridiculous.
The poor girl is in trouble,
and we are gonna help her out.
- A little warning would have been nice.
So I could clean my room.
- First, the hundred times I asked you to clean your room
should have been ample warning.
And second, she ain't goin' in your room.
But you could do me a favor before I bring her in.
- What?
- Put some pants on.
("Every Road")
♪ Maybe you're feelin' it comin' ♪
♪ Maybe it's nothin' at all ♪
♪ Sometimes change comes and pick you up ♪
♪ Just when you start to fall ♪
♪ Sometimes it's too familiar ♪
♪ And you've just gotta run ♪
♪ Or you can't find what you think you need ♪
♪ To do what must be done ♪
♪ But wherever you run ♪
♪ Wherever you roam ♪
♪ Every road is leading you home ♪
♪ Whatever may come ♪
♪ Whatever the load ♪
♪ Every road ♪
♪ Every road leads home ♪
- I've done it.
- Excuse me?
- I signed up for the club championship next Sunday.
- Bogart, I'm in the middle of a putting lesson.
- I'll cut to the chase,
distance is more important than line.
That's all you need to know.
- Excuse me.
- Bogart.
- He's a very good teacher.
- Bogart, you've had one lesson.
I don't think that makes you ready
for the club championship.
- I'm not saying I'm gonna win the club championship,
but you taught me so much.
I just wanna play it.
But you only have one week to practice.
- I'm gonna practice every day.
Don't worry.
I don't care if I come last.
I just want the experience.
- All right, fill your boots.
- Lunch?
- I'm in the middle of a lesson.
- Oh yes, sorry.
Don't forget to tell them a bit about aiming small.
- Bye Bogart.
- Better go.
Gotta practice.
("Tomcat Prowl")
♪ Been working like a dog gone crazy ♪
♪ I've been giving everything I've got ♪
♪ I need something short and sweet to save me ♪
♪ A little something that can hit the spot ♪
♪ I've been living like a man in a prison ♪
♪ I've been living like some monk in a cave ♪
♪ I need a woman with a good position ♪
♪ I start searching at the end of the day ♪
♪ Pack it in and go to town ♪
♪ When the sun goes down ♪
♪ And do the Tomcat prowl ♪
♪ When the sun goes down ♪
♪ I've been punching out a clock since 15 ♪
♪ I've been living on a working wage ♪
♪ Ya keep paying me and I'll keep lifting ♪
♪ I keep a-lifting 'til the end of the day ♪
♪ Then pack it in and go to town ♪
♪ When the sun goes down ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Do the Moondog howl ♪
♪ When the sun goes down ♪
♪ And do the Tomcat prowl ♪
♪ When the sun goes down ♪
♪ Gotta find a way to ease that pressure ♪
♪ Gotta find a way to ease that pain ♪
♪ Gotta find myself some buried treasure ♪
♪ Gotta find it before the sun ♪
♪ Comes up again ♪
♪ It doesn't matter if you're sane or crazy ♪
♪ It doesn't matter if you're weak or strong ♪
♪ It doesn't matter if your past is hazy ♪
♪ It doesn't matter you can all come along ♪
♪ Pack it in and go to town ♪
♪ When the sun goes down ♪
♪ And do the Tomcat prowl when the sun goes down ♪
♪ Down down down sun goes down ♪
♪ Pack it in and go to town when the sun goes down ♪
♪ Sun goes down ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ And do the Tomcat prowl when the sun goes down ♪
♪ Ow ♪
♪ Do the Moondog howl when the sun goes down ♪
♪ Oh I'm howlin' baby ♪
(rock music)
- I'm here, on time, I've had a good breakfast.
I've warmed up properly.
I've counted my clubs.
I have 14.
And I'm ready to play the Club Championship,
the Club C.
- Awesome.
The Club Championship was yesterday.
- What?
- It was yesterday.
Dan Oakley won with a 68.
The good news is you finished in a tie for 73rd.
- I did?
- That's last place.
- Oh, well, I thought it was...
Oh darn.
- But you're all ready to play and these two need a fourth.
- Third?
- What'd you call me?
- Well, you said they needed a fourth.
- They do.
- Are you their third?
- I'm not playing, I'm working.
- They're two, you're not a third, but you need a fourth?
- I don't need a fourth.
I told you, I'm not playing.
- Have you got a second?
Power cart three died on four.
- Which hole?
- Four.
- Take cart one to four and tow three back.
- 10 four.
- So these two are playing.
- Yes.
- And they need a fourth.
- Correct.
- Not a third?
So who's their third again?
- You, try to keep up.
- I will.
I hate slow play.
Bogart, meet Jenny Ma and Victor Lowe.
- Nice to meet you.
Is this your first time playing Woodlands?
- No, we've played here before.
- But we have to warn you, we suck at golf.
- Don't we all?
(upbeat music)
- [Bogart] Yes.
- Your putting's very good.
In fact, that fourth putt's particularly good.
- Well it's half the game, isn't it?
- In your case, definitely.
(upbeat music)
- it looks like we've got a bit of a wait.
- Do you play this course often?
- Every day if I can.
What about you guys?
- Only just recently.
We fell in love with the course
and that's half the reason why we bought next door.
- You bought a house?
- An inn, actually.
- I didn't know there was an inn nearby.
- Because we haven't built it yet.
- Oh, you bought the land down by the water.
- We did.
- Please tell me you're gonna put in a marina,
A marina and inn overlooking the golf course.
- We're already planning golf packages.
We're really excited.
- Oh.
- You don't think it's a good idea?
- I think it's a great idea.
There's only one problem.
- What's that?
- The golf course will probably be closed
by the time you get the inn built.
- Closed?
- Yes, you haven't heard?
Council wants to close the golf course.
- Don't tell me they're gonna
turn it into an outlet mall.
- Worse, a park.
- Why didn't we know about this?
- I think everyone was clinging to the hope
it would stay open,
but they need 50,000 rounds
by the end of this month for that to happen.
- Where are they now?
- 20,000.
- That's impossible.
- Maybe if we put up some posters,
go crazy on social media.
- Honey, it's impossible.
- Victor it's gonna be pretty hard to sell golf packages
if there's no golf course.
- Don't get mad at me.
- Has your sale gone through?
- It's in escrow.
- You don't know me from a hole in the ground,
but real estate and development is what I do.
Would you mind if I had to look at the contract?
I have an idea.
An awful idea.
- Awful?
- A wonderful, awful idea.
(rock music)
- So that's it then.
We have the town hall booked for Friday.
I'll bring the tea and the sandwiches.
- This is all fine and dandy,
but it's all for nothing if no one from council comes.
- Cruella herself.
She and one other councilor are gonna be there on Friday
to hear our case.
Now all we need is a crowd.
Which shouldn't be too hard.
Right?
- Well, you do have tea and sandwiches.
(rock music)
- While many of us suck at golf, we enjoy sucking at golf,
and we need a golf course to suck at golf at.
It's interesting to see how many people
who suck at something can actually come together
to ensure they keep on sucking at it.
Wait, is that Lisa?
What's going on?
- Where were you?
- I was putting up posters.
Was that Lisa?
- You just missed her.
- Missed her?
Where's she going?
- Seattle.
That was her dad.
- Seattle?
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry.
It doesn't matter.
(bike crashing to ground)
(gentle music)
- What are you doing here?
- I'm on my lunch break.
You told me to go.
- Going to the town hall tonight?
- Yeah, Bogart's making me speak.
- Good, we need to hear from you young folk, too.
- Young folk?
- Listen, your mom told me about your girl.
- She's not my girl.
- What's her name, Leanne?
- Lisa.
Who's watching the shop.
- Oh, it's not busy.
Let me give you a little bit of advice.
- No, it's okay.
- Remember what I told you about a bad round?
You have to get past it and move on
or you'll have more bad rounds.
Kinda reminds me when I was your age
and there was this girl I had a huge crush on.
Her name was also Laura.
- [Rick] Lisa.
- No, it was Laura.
Anyway, it came around to prom time,
and while I never would have had the nerve to ask her,
guess who shows up at my front door one afternoon.
Laura, right there on my front porch.
And she asks me to the prom.
Can you believe it?
Oh, I was so happy.
For two days I was walking around on cloud nine,
but then...
Where'd you go?
(customers chattering)
(whimsical music)
- Hello everyone,
and welcome to the town hall to save our golf course.
- Woo hoo.
- I hope you've had the chance to grab some refreshments
- This tea is lovely.
- It's Red Rose,
only available in Canada.
- Pity.
- As you know, council has made the decision
to close Woodlands Golf Course and turn it into a park.
- [Crowd] Boo.
- You may boo, but the golf course
is a drain on our community,
both financially and environmentally.
- Ladies and gentlemen, Councilor Sue Ella Lamille.
Sue Ella, environmentally?
- Yes, with all its chemicals.
- We have our groundskeeper here tonight, Merl.
Merl, do you use chemicals?
- Who me?
Or the golf course?
- The golf course.
- No man, we're not allowed to.
- Well then there's the issue of using all our water?
- Merl, how much town water
does the golf course use in a year?
- None, man.
We have a reservoir.
It's freaking ginormous.
- So there's no real environmental issues.
Sue Ella, you said there was financial issues.
Does the golf course lose money?
- In the last five years,
the course made a measly $100 one year.
Broke miraculously even for three years.
And last year it lost money.
You the taxpayers foot that bill.
- When you say it lost money, exactly how much?
- I'm sorry, I don't have that information in front of me.
- Do we not have the COO here with us tonight?
Mr. Bradley?
Mr. Bradley, can you tell us
how much the golf course lost last year?
- Last year the golf course lost
$500.
- [Crowd] Boo.
- You may see that as a small number.
What I see is a disturbing trend
that is likely to continue.
This council cannot continue to subsidize
a silly elitist game for old men in plaid pants
when a park can be made available to everyone.
- I object.
(crowd laughing)
- Elitist?
This game was invented by shepherds.
It's played by everybody from grandparents to grandkids.
- Ray is our golf professional,
and he's also the director of our junior program,
which has how many juniors, Ray?
- 142.
- Ah, here's one of our juniors now.
Rick.
So please tell us your name
and what is it you do here at the club?
- My name is Rick and I work in the pro shop.
- And you're also a graduate of the junior program, correct?
- Yes.
- So Rick, tell us in your own words
what the club means to you.
(clearing throat)
- My name is Rick and because of this golf course
I am gainfully employed instead of
running amuck in the streets,
getting hooked on crack or heroin.
- That's my boy.
- Well, thank you so much for your heartfelt words, Rick.
- I'd like to say something.
- Ah, another one of our juniors.
Come on up, Lisa.
- To everyone that think
that golf is an elitist, rich man's game,
you don't know what golf has done for me.
I come from a broken home,
but because of golf I have
something to look forward to every day.
Because of this golf course,
I've met new people, kind people,
people who took me in when I had literally
nowhere else to go.
If you think golf is about
chasing a little white ball around, you are very mistaken.
(crowd applauding) - Thank you, Lisa.
- You're back.
- Forgot my inhaler.
- Now please direct your attention to the big screen.
I'd like to introduce you to Victor Lowe and Jenny Ma.
Victor and Jenny own Maple Holdings,
which has just purchased 20 acres next to the golf course
for an inn and a much needed marina.
While no rezoning was required for this project,
Jenny and Victor have gifted to our municipality
the land and construction costs
for a very expansive children's playground.
- Did he say expensive?
- (chuckling) Expansive.
- But there's a problem.
- What's the problem.
- The entire sale hinges on there
being a golf course next to the inn.
- What?
- It's in the sales contract.
No golf course, no inn and marina.
No inn and marina, no playground.
How will the kids feel if there's no playground?
Well, let's ask them.
- [Crowd] Awwww.
- Hi guys, welcome.
Now, Saman, do you like playgrounds?
- Of course.
- Now, James, do you like playgrounds?
- Yes, I do.
- William, what would you do if there was no playground?
- Cry.
(crowd awwwing)
- Of course you would.
Do you really wanna make a child cry, Cruella?
- It's Sue Ella.
And while this is rather brilliant, emotional blackmail,
I'm afraid it has no legal standing.
- Well, we'll see about that.
Our last guest tonight is Mr. Redman,
from the law firm Redman and Newford.
Now, Mr. Redman is an expert in contract law.
Mr. Redman, you've had a chance to review the contract.
Am I right?
- I have.
It's a big contract.
And to the layman, it may not seem obvious,
but any lawyer will tell you it's ironclad.
That's a golf joke.
(laughing)
No golf course,
the sale is off.
- No golf course,
no inn,
no playground.
(baby crying) I'm sorry.
Mr. Redman, you're not just a lawyer,
but you're also an avid golfer, are you not?
- Guilty.
- (chuckling) You don't hear that
from a lawyer very often, do you?
Now, Mr. Redman is a member at Hennessy Golf Club,
and that club has its own troubles,
as it's in the final year of its 99-year lease.
In the past week we've been able to secure
letters of commitment from almost 50% of the membership
of 800 to play at least 20 rounds
at this golf course next year,
with 20% wanting to purchase season passes.
On top of this, the members of the Hennessy Golf Club
have made a donation to our junior program
in the amount of $10,000.
(crowd applauding)
- What does this even mean?
40% of this, 20% of that.
- I can answer that actually.
We, given membership and 20 rounds, and yield fees.
Yup, conservatively about 360.
- 360 what?
Rounds?
Dollars?
Pesos?
- According to my quick calculations
it's additional revenue of $360,000.
- $360,000 everyone.
(crowd cheering)
(book slamming)
- Well, they could of led with that.
Saved us a lotta time.
(crowd cheering) (rock music)
- The waiting is killing me.
- Well, it doesn't seem to have hurt your appetite much.
- Excuse me?
Hello?
Oh, well that's good news.
Okay, thanks for letting me know.
All right, bye.
- Well?
- It passed.
A unanimous resolution to
revisit the golf course in five years.
And in the meantime, it's business as usual.
- That's fantastic.
And you know what five years means?
- [Ray] What?
- Brand new council.
Means this council doesn't have to deal with it
until after the next election.
- Well, you know about this stuff.
All I know is I get to unpack my boxes.
- [Rick] Ray, phone.
- No, no, no, I got this.
- I was just gettin' my gum.
Good news, Lauren.
The council has voted to keep the golf course
for another five years.
- Oh, that's wonderful.
I'm so proud of you, Bogart.
I really am.
- Thank you.
(jazzy music)
Is that for me?
- One cup of tea.
- I was gonna order one.
How'd you know?
- Sometimes I know what you're gonna say,
most of the time.
- Hey, what'd you do that for?
- I've been wondering whether I'd like it.
- And, what's the verdict?
- I don't know yet.
I'll be in the kitchen.
If you need anything just whistle.
You know how to whistle don't you?
You just put your lips together and blow.
Bogart?
Bogart.
Are you okay?
- Yes, I know how.
- Your tea.
- Oh, thank you.
- Are you sure, you're okay?
- Absolutely.
- Okay, well, if you need anything,
you know where I am.
- Golf is a funny game.
Whether people play it or not, love it or,
they usually have an opinion about it.
And those who don't know it, can't possibly understand
that it's more than a game.
At the end of the day, just like in life,
it doesn't really matter if you suck at it.
What matters is you tee it up and give it a go.
♪ Shufflin' my feet ♪
♪ Hands in pockets deep ♪
♪ I didn't hear a word you said ♪
♪ A million miles away ♪
♪ With nothin' good to say ♪
♪ I wish I could go back to bed ♪
♪ Sometimes the things you think you want ♪
♪ Are not the things you really need ♪
♪ If I really needed you ♪
♪ Would you need me ♪
♪ Been sleepin' double ♪
♪ On other people's couches ♪
♪ Try not to get in their way ♪
♪ Some destination this is ♪
♪ I put on my brave face ♪
♪ And have my tea and sandwiches ♪
♪ Sometimes the things you think you want ♪
♪ Are not the things you really need ♪
♪ If I really needed you ♪
♪ Would you need me ♪
♪ Sometimes the places that we see inside ♪
♪ Our dreams become a reality ♪
♪ If I really needed you ♪
♪ Would you be good for me ♪
- [Rick] Woodlands Golf Club.
You want a tee time between nine and 9:30?
Sorry, we're all booked.
- I suck at golf golf.
- I suck at golf.