1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:27,083 --> 00:00:29,291 Yvonne Orji: This is the first time that I've actually been back 4 00:00:29,375 --> 00:00:31,834 in Lagos since "Insecure" has hit. 5 00:00:31,917 --> 00:00:35,000 I'm gonna bring you all here to my home 6 00:00:35,083 --> 00:00:37,208 to let you know all the parts 7 00:00:37,291 --> 00:00:39,458 that make me me. 8 00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:41,750 When you see my people, 9 00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,667 we always have joy. 10 00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:46,041 It is beautiful chaos. 11 00:00:46,125 --> 00:00:48,041 (indistinct) 12 00:00:48,125 --> 00:00:50,291 There is no way I could do a special 13 00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:52,458 about my life without showing you my life. 14 00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:54,417 I think a lot of my jokes are very personal. 15 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:57,834 They come from home and what home means to me. 16 00:00:57,917 --> 00:00:59,875 Why do you guys have that pillow there? 17 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,709 -(laughs) -Dad: Who is that? 18 00:01:01,792 --> 00:01:04,500 -That's hysterical. -Yeah, you like that? 19 00:01:04,583 --> 00:01:07,041 Come, lads. See my baby here. 20 00:01:07,125 --> 00:01:08,959 (laughing) 21 00:01:09,041 --> 00:01:12,125 You guys just keep this right here? (laugh) 22 00:01:13,291 --> 00:01:15,166 That's just hysterical. 23 00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:18,375 -(sighs) It's good to be home. -I know. 24 00:01:18,458 --> 00:01:20,917 (crowd cheering) 25 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:27,125 (rap music playing) 26 00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:32,125 (cheering continues) 27 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:41,959 ♪ We made it ♪ 28 00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:46,375 (rapping continues) 29 00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:51,333 (cheering continues) 30 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:56,500 What is going on, DMV?! 31 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,291 (cheering) 32 00:01:58,375 --> 00:02:00,375 -Hey yo! -(music fades) 33 00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:04,166 Y'all can have a seat. Y'all look sexy or whatever? 34 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,792 Yo! 35 00:02:06,875 --> 00:02:08,709 It feels good to be home! 36 00:02:08,792 --> 00:02:11,875 (cheering) 37 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,208 Here at the Howard Theater. I had to do it here. Here's why. 38 00:02:18,291 --> 00:02:20,959 My mother was a nurse at Howard University Hospital. 39 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,792 (cheering) 40 00:02:23,875 --> 00:02:26,291 For 27 years, 41 00:02:26,375 --> 00:02:28,375 so I had to honor that, okay? 42 00:02:28,458 --> 00:02:31,875 -(cheering) -Y'all good? This is good. Okay, this is cute. 43 00:02:31,959 --> 00:02:34,458 Did you just come from Wakanda? What's happening? 44 00:02:34,542 --> 00:02:35,792 (laughter) 45 00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:37,625 Y'all are the ones sending those emails? 46 00:02:37,709 --> 00:02:39,542 -Is that what's going on? -(laughter) 47 00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:41,000 (laughing) 48 00:02:41,333 --> 00:02:43,041 Y'all know the emails! 49 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:46,000 Y'all probably got one in your inbox right now, don't you? 50 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,500 They all start out the same. It's like, 51 00:02:47,583 --> 00:02:49,417 (Nigerian accent): "Good afternoon... 52 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:52,166 -"sir or madam. -(laughter) 53 00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:54,417 "My name is Umbellelo, and I have just inherited 54 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:57,834 -"five hundred thousand billion dollars! -(laughter) 55 00:02:57,917 --> 00:03:00,667 And I want to share it with you." 56 00:03:00,750 --> 00:03:02,625 It's like, no, you don't. You don't even know me. 57 00:03:02,709 --> 00:03:05,667 -(laughter) -But don't think just because I'm Nigerian 58 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,792 that I'm exempt from getting them though. I get them, 59 00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:10,500 but as an African, I feel obligated to respond. 60 00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:11,875 (laughter) 61 00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,208 So, I write back. 62 00:03:13,291 --> 00:03:16,000 -(Nigerian accent): "My brother... -(laughter) 63 00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:18,125 I am one of you." 64 00:03:18,542 --> 00:03:20,667 They respond, "Hey, my sister, we are so sorry. 65 00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:22,166 Please, delete it." 66 00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:24,750 (laughter) 67 00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:26,959 Oh my gosh. 68 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,709 I just got back from Nigeria not too long ago. 69 00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,291 -(cheering) -Yes! 70 00:03:32,375 --> 00:03:34,041 I love going back home. I feel, like, energized. 71 00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:36,667 I feel like, "Ah, my people, we are here." 72 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,709 But my favorite thing to do when I go back home though 73 00:03:38,792 --> 00:03:40,291 is to go to the market. 74 00:03:40,375 --> 00:03:43,375 I feel like market experiences are essential for my life. 75 00:03:43,458 --> 00:03:45,125 'Cause I love haggling. That's it. 76 00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:47,542 And I like haggling like how people like gambling. 77 00:03:47,625 --> 00:03:49,291 Like, you know what I'm sayin'? It's an addiction, right? 78 00:03:49,375 --> 00:03:53,041 -I don't even need the stuff I'm haggling for. -(laughter) 79 00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:55,291 I just like the opportunity to be like, 80 00:03:55,375 --> 00:03:57,125 "How much did you get that for? Ha. 81 00:03:57,542 --> 00:03:59,709 -Me, I got it for half that price." Like, I just. -(laughter) 82 00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:02,750 I like the bragging rights of winning, right? 83 00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:04,458 And it's like a game. 84 00:04:04,542 --> 00:04:06,041 When you go there, there's rules. 85 00:04:06,125 --> 00:04:08,041 There's rules to haggling. Y'all know. 86 00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:09,542 'Cause when you get to the lady 87 00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:11,375 or the guy that's selling your stuff, 88 00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:13,166 you gotta like gas 'em up. 89 00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:14,834 (with accent): "You have to dose them." 90 00:04:14,917 --> 00:04:17,917 -You have to be like, "Ah, auntie, look at you. -(laughter) 91 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,166 "Looking fine anyhow... 92 00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:23,625 -Are you the only one that came to market? Ah!" -(laughter) 93 00:04:23,709 --> 00:04:25,083 And then when you see the thing you want, 94 00:04:25,166 --> 00:04:26,542 you gotta act like you don't even like it. 95 00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:28,917 You gotta act like you don't want it. "What is... 96 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,000 -"What is that? Is that a handbag? -(laughter) 97 00:04:32,083 --> 00:04:35,166 -This is okay. Is it okay? I don't know." -(laughter) 98 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,667 (laughing) 99 00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:40,583 Like y'all, I went to the market and I saw this pink leather bag. 100 00:04:40,667 --> 00:04:43,417 I did not need a pink leather bag, but I was like, 101 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,375 "Lemme see how much I can get it for. Lemme just see. Lemme see." 102 00:04:46,458 --> 00:04:49,125 So I was like, "Auntie, how much for this bag?" 103 00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:52,083 Here she go, "For you." 104 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:54,458 (laughter) 105 00:04:54,542 --> 00:04:57,125 (laugh) Y'all already know with this? 106 00:04:57,208 --> 00:04:58,291 (laughter) 107 00:04:58,375 --> 00:05:00,834 "Because it's you" is a problem. 108 00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:03,083 -She about to say something real ignorant. -(laughter) 109 00:05:03,166 --> 00:05:05,208 "Ah, because it's you, just give me... 110 00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:08,208 -"I don't know. -(laughter) 111 00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:09,709 (laugh) 112 00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:12,834 -Gimme 50,000." -(laughter) 113 00:05:12,917 --> 00:05:15,250 So, you gotta feel immediately insulted. 114 00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,750 "50,000? Me? 115 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:21,250 -A whole me?" -(laughter) 116 00:05:21,375 --> 00:05:23,041 And you gotta hit her with something crazy like, 117 00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:24,542 "So, if I pay you this much money, 118 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,917 will your son come and marry me?" 119 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,041 (laughter) 120 00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:30,166 You gotta be real ignorant with it, okay? 121 00:05:31,625 --> 00:05:33,458 Then here she goes. She's like, "Okay, okay. 122 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,083 Talk your price. How much do you want to pay?" 123 00:05:35,208 --> 00:05:38,083 You know Michelle Obama say when they go low, you go high. 124 00:05:38,208 --> 00:05:41,000 -Not me, I go lower. -(laughter) 125 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:45,041 So I was like, "For this bag, I don't even-- do I like it? 126 00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:47,125 "Give it to me for... 127 00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:49,208 -three." -(laughter) 128 00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:51,542 Gotta be real stupid with it! And then, this hurts her, 129 00:05:51,625 --> 00:05:53,291 and feels insulted. "Three thou-- 130 00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:56,667 -So, you don't want my children to eat?" -(laughter) 131 00:05:58,917 --> 00:06:01,041 I'm taking my girl Chigul to the market. 132 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:04,333 She is Nigeria's funniest comedian in Nigeria because, me, 133 00:06:04,417 --> 00:06:07,333 -I'm Nigeria's funniest-- -(indistinct, laughs) 134 00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:09,333 So, we're here, and I wanna buy some things, 135 00:06:09,417 --> 00:06:10,750 but, you know, we have to haggle. 136 00:06:10,792 --> 00:06:12,291 Chigul: Yes, that's it. 137 00:06:12,792 --> 00:06:15,583 -Hey, do you see that? "No money, no wife." -No wife! 138 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,750 -Baby, are you hungry? -He wants you for dinner. 139 00:06:17,834 --> 00:06:19,166 (both laughing) 140 00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:20,917 I like this though. This is very nice. 141 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,500 How much is this? How much is this? 142 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:23,834 -Uncle, how much? -Man: 6,000. 143 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:26,041 6,000. Well, God bless you. 144 00:06:26,125 --> 00:06:28,667 -If this one is 12,000, how much is this one? -Man (in English): 145 00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:30,291 Why? 146 00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:31,667 Well, can you cut the price? 147 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:33,917 Since it's cotton. Let it be "cotton" the price. 148 00:06:34,834 --> 00:06:36,750 It's okay, I will come back. No taking. 149 00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:38,792 You always will come back. You're not coming back. 150 00:06:38,875 --> 00:06:40,709 -You gotta know when to walk away. -Chigul: Yes. 151 00:06:40,792 --> 00:06:42,917 -Hey! A fine boy like you, small boy. -(laughs) 152 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,500 -Yvonne (in foreign language): -Boy: Yes. 153 00:06:44,583 --> 00:06:46,583 -How old are you? 12? -Boy (in English): 154 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,125 -What's your name? Abu. -Abu. 155 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,834 -Abu, 12 years old, running markets. -Chigul: Yes. 156 00:06:50,917 --> 00:06:53,375 -Abu, how much is this? -Abu (in English): 157 00:06:53,458 --> 00:06:55,500 He's running market very high. (laughs) 158 00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,208 His market is too high for me! 159 00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:59,542 -This is how they do it. Nigerians, they start you young. -Chigul: Yes. 160 00:06:59,625 --> 00:07:02,250 Okay, if you're not owning a shop at 12 years old, 161 00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:03,875 you're not doing nothing with your life. 162 00:07:03,959 --> 00:07:05,417 Where's your mother and your father? Is somebody here? 163 00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,000 Who's your uncle? Who's your big uncle? 164 00:07:07,208 --> 00:07:09,542 Ah. So, you've just been gingerly standing there. 165 00:07:09,625 --> 00:07:11,000 Don't look at him. Don't look at him. 166 00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:12,542 500's a good price, cash. 167 00:07:12,625 --> 00:07:14,041 -Chigul: He's a smart boy. -Here you are. 168 00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:15,166 Do we have a sale? Yes. 169 00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:17,041 (both exclaiming) 170 00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:19,834 When you get to be about 35, call me if I'm still single. 171 00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,458 (laughing) 172 00:07:21,834 --> 00:07:25,166 Well, my problem is that I haggle in America... 173 00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:27,417 (laughter) 174 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:30,208 where prices are fixed. 175 00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:31,792 And I'll do it anywhere. Don't even matter. 176 00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:35,208 Like, I called to put something on my student loans. 177 00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:37,542 (laughter) 178 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,375 Y'all, let me tell you right now. 179 00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:42,083 I had deferred my loans so long, 180 00:07:42,166 --> 00:07:44,417 these hoes were just like, "Send us back the degree. 181 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:46,625 -"You don't... -(laughter) 182 00:07:46,709 --> 00:07:48,000 You don't want this." 183 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,333 And at the end, the same rules apply. 184 00:07:50,417 --> 00:07:52,583 Like, you gotta gas them on. You get on the phone. 185 00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:54,583 I was like, (cheerful voice): "Hello? 186 00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,834 "Hi! Wait, what's your name? 187 00:07:57,834 --> 00:08:00,417 -"Emma? Hi, Emma. -(laughter) 188 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:02,125 (applause) 189 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,000 (chuckles) "Yeah, Emma, 190 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:06,542 "um, how are--? Yeah! I just-- 191 00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:09,583 "I went to college with an Emma. Girl, is that you? 192 00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:11,750 (laughter) 193 00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:13,792 "Anyways, so I'm calling 194 00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:15,625 "to, um, just, you know, 195 00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:17,625 -"put something on these. -(laughter) 196 00:08:17,709 --> 00:08:20,375 "Yeah, you're right, it has been a while. Thanks for noticing. 197 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:23,083 "But, Emma, I have a question. Um... 198 00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:26,166 I see two sets of numbers here, and I'm just-- I'm a little confused." 199 00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:27,583 And I, like, I gotta let you guys know. 200 00:08:27,667 --> 00:08:29,291 When I haggle, my accent comes out. 201 00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:32,542 Like, I don't know that it's about to do it. It's just... 202 00:08:32,625 --> 00:08:33,709 it just does. 203 00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:35,667 So I was like, "Okay, I see two sets of numbers here, 204 00:08:35,750 --> 00:08:38,083 and I'm not quite sure." Emma goes, "Yeah! Well, 205 00:08:38,166 --> 00:08:40,125 the first one, that's your principal." I was like, "Yeah, 206 00:08:40,208 --> 00:08:42,667 that looks familiar. What's this second one?" 207 00:08:43,291 --> 00:08:46,583 "Well, ma'am, that's your-- that's your interest." 208 00:08:47,291 --> 00:08:49,917 (in Nigerian accent): "Emma, Emma, Emma... 209 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,291 (laughter) 210 00:08:52,375 --> 00:08:53,291 (laugh) 211 00:08:53,375 --> 00:08:55,125 "You see, I'm not interested... 212 00:08:55,208 --> 00:08:57,333 (laughter) 213 00:08:57,875 --> 00:09:00,542 in paying the interest." 214 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,125 "Well, ma'am, it's--" "Emma, it is okay. 215 00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:05,583 -Let me talk to your manager." Like-- -(laughter) 216 00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:07,667 (normal voice): Ain't got time to go back and forth! 217 00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:09,166 But, I do it everywhere. I do it everywhere. 218 00:09:09,250 --> 00:09:11,333 -I do it at Trader Joe's. -(laughter) 219 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,709 There's no shame to this game, y'all. 220 00:09:13,792 --> 00:09:16,834 And the thing is, like, so, here's the thing. I like bananas, 221 00:09:16,917 --> 00:09:18,667 but I like specific bananas. I like them 222 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,000 three days after they were green. 223 00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:21,959 So, I go to Trader Joe's this one particular day. 224 00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:23,542 And I go to the banana section, 225 00:09:23,625 --> 00:09:26,750 and all I see are these spotted joints. I'm like, ugh! 226 00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:30,166 (in accent): "Well, lemme see. Lemme see what I can get these for." 227 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:31,959 (laughter) 228 00:09:33,375 --> 00:09:34,417 (laughs) 229 00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:36,834 Oh, girl's ringing me up! She's like, "Okay, 230 00:09:36,917 --> 00:09:38,792 yeah, yeah, yeah." She gets to the bananas, I'm like, 231 00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:41,583 -(in accent): "Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute." -(laughter) 232 00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,875 "Leanna, Leanna... 233 00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:46,458 How much are those bananas?" 234 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:49,709 She was like, "Uh, they're 19 cents." 235 00:09:49,792 --> 00:09:52,458 -"No... -(laughter) 236 00:09:53,417 --> 00:09:55,542 "Come, come, come. 237 00:09:56,375 --> 00:10:00,083 -What are the spotted banana prices?" -(laughter) 238 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,834 She's like, "No, they're all the sa--" I say, "Leanna. Look, 239 00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:05,375 -lemme talk to your manager." -(laughter) 240 00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:07,875 Then she got me. She was like, "Hold on. Aren't you the girl from--" 241 00:10:07,959 --> 00:10:10,542 -"Oh! Gotta go." -(laughter) 242 00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:12,458 (applause) 243 00:10:12,959 --> 00:10:15,458 (in normal voice): Don't let these HBO checks fool you! 244 00:10:15,542 --> 00:10:18,875 -(laughter) -Ha, ha! Ah. 245 00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:20,875 But I love-- I love being Nigerian American 246 00:10:20,959 --> 00:10:24,291 'cause I feel like now, it's cool. Like, now... 247 00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:27,125 -Because before, it wasn't always cool. -(scattered cheering) 248 00:10:27,208 --> 00:10:28,834 Any African booty scratchers? 249 00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:31,041 -Ha. Yeah! -(laughter) 250 00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:32,583 Here we go. 251 00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:34,166 Look at us now! 252 00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:36,250 (laughter) 253 00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:38,417 But I do love this, like, the opportunity of having 254 00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,500 this dual lens of being both Nigerian and American. 255 00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,875 'Cause I get to see things, like, from a different perspective. 256 00:10:43,959 --> 00:10:45,417 Like, I notice Americans love 257 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,542 standing in lines just for anything. Y'all don't even 258 00:10:47,625 --> 00:10:49,542 have to know what the line is for. You're just like, 259 00:10:49,625 --> 00:10:51,750 "Oh my God, there's a line. It must be for something amazing! 260 00:10:51,834 --> 00:10:53,250 -(laughter) -"Let's get in there! 261 00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:56,000 -"What? New shoes? Who knows! -(laughter) 262 00:10:56,083 --> 00:10:59,709 Popeye's dropping another chicken sandwich? What?" 263 00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:01,375 (laughter) 264 00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:03,750 (laughs) 265 00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:06,125 Here's the thing. If Nigerians are standing in line for food, 266 00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,250 -there is a famine. It's not for fun, okay? -(laughter) 267 00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:11,917 But I do use it to my advantage. I do use it to my advantage. 268 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,041 All my cousins back home who WhatsApp me, asking me for money. 269 00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,250 I go outside one of these food lines, 270 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:18,583 I'll start taking pictures, 271 00:11:18,667 --> 00:11:21,166 send it back to them. I say, "You see? Ha. 272 00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:23,792 "Things are hard for people everywhere! 273 00:11:23,875 --> 00:11:27,041 (laughter, clapping) 274 00:11:29,542 --> 00:11:31,709 "Even Americans 275 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,625 "are standing in line for food. 276 00:11:34,709 --> 00:11:37,333 -"So no, I cannot help you. -(laughter) 277 00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:41,208 "For 60 cents a day, you, too, 278 00:11:41,291 --> 00:11:43,583 can sponsor an American child." 279 00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:46,250 (laughter) 280 00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:49,792 (normal voice): No, but I love-- I love being Nigerian American. 281 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,291 I do, because we're so good at a lot of things. 282 00:11:52,375 --> 00:11:54,458 We are. You know, "Naija no dey carry last. 283 00:11:54,542 --> 00:11:57,750 -(scattered cheers) -Sometimes, we carry second. Is okay." 284 00:11:57,834 --> 00:11:59,333 (laughs) 285 00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:01,291 But we're also, we're not good at a lot of things either. 286 00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:03,750 Like, for instance, we're not good at giving directions. 287 00:12:03,834 --> 00:12:05,917 Am I-- Y'all are laughing 'cause y'all know. 288 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,834 If you ask a Nigerian for directions 289 00:12:07,917 --> 00:12:09,542 to the theater tonight, 290 00:12:09,625 --> 00:12:11,917 it would be the most frustrating experience of your life. 291 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,959 You would still be on your way here, okay? 292 00:12:14,041 --> 00:12:15,625 -(laughter) -'Cause you'd be like, 293 00:12:15,709 --> 00:12:17,208 "Excuse me. Can you please tell me how to get 294 00:12:17,291 --> 00:12:18,834 to the Howard Theater?" Here they go. 295 00:12:18,917 --> 00:12:20,709 (in Nigerian accent): "Howard Theater... 296 00:12:20,792 --> 00:12:23,792 -(laughter) -Howard Theater." 297 00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:26,041 -(in normal voice): Also, what is this move? -(laughter) 298 00:12:26,125 --> 00:12:29,041 Is this your GPS? What's going on, sir? 299 00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:31,917 (in accent): "Howard Theater. Mm... 300 00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:33,792 What's happening there?" 301 00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:36,959 (laughter) 302 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:41,208 No, no. Not the question I was asking. 303 00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:44,542 -He's like, "Oh, so you're having a party. -(laughter) 304 00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:46,625 "And you did not invite me? 305 00:12:46,917 --> 00:12:49,500 -(chuckle) Is that nice?" -(laughter) 306 00:12:49,583 --> 00:12:51,083 "Sir, I am in a hurry." 307 00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:53,291 -"Slow down! -(laughter) 308 00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:55,458 The race is not given to the swift." 309 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,208 (laughter) 310 00:12:57,291 --> 00:13:00,125 What are these proverbs? I don't have time for this nonsense! 311 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:04,166 And they get mad at you. "Okay, okay, okay, okay. 312 00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,792 "Because you are in a rush. Howard Theater. Howard. 313 00:13:06,875 --> 00:13:09,959 Howard, Howard, Howard, Howard..." 314 00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:12,583 -Are you-- What is this? -(laughter) 315 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,792 "Howard. I know the place. I know the place. I'm seeing it. 316 00:13:15,875 --> 00:13:17,417 "Okay, okay, here's what you want to do. 317 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,000 You want to go all... the way down. Just go down. 318 00:13:20,083 --> 00:13:22,041 -"Down, down, down, down, down. Eh? -(laughter) 319 00:13:22,125 --> 00:13:23,834 "All the way to the end of the road. 320 00:13:23,917 --> 00:13:26,250 "At the end of this street, you will see a stop sign. 321 00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:28,375 At that stop sign, stop." 322 00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:33,333 (traffic noise) 323 00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:36,250 Excuse me. Excuse me! Hi! Please! 324 00:13:36,333 --> 00:13:38,583 -Do you know Obalende? -(in English): 325 00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:40,000 Yvonne: Obalende, yes. 326 00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:41,250 How do I get to Obalende? 327 00:13:41,333 --> 00:13:43,166 (in English): 328 00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:47,250 You go straight down, you turn right, then you turn left, 329 00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:48,875 and then afterwards, you just keep on going. 330 00:13:48,959 --> 00:13:51,041 So, there's many rights and lefts. 331 00:13:51,125 --> 00:13:52,125 Yeah, pretty much. 332 00:13:52,208 --> 00:13:54,166 -(in English): -Okay. 333 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,375 When I get to the bus stop, then I will stop. 334 00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:58,375 (in English): 335 00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:01,000 -So, just go straight down. -Straight down. 336 00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:05,208 -By my right. Which is it, right or left? -Yes. 337 00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:08,792 Okay. Okay. 338 00:14:08,875 --> 00:14:11,375 Is there any landmark that will let me know that I'm there? 339 00:14:12,375 --> 00:14:14,667 Do you know how to get to Obalende? 340 00:14:15,542 --> 00:14:16,709 Yes, how do I get to Obalende? 341 00:14:16,792 --> 00:14:17,792 (in English): 342 00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:20,291 I can use Google Maps. Save my life. 343 00:14:20,375 --> 00:14:22,625 -So, you don't know directions. Just use Google Maps. -Yes. 344 00:14:22,709 --> 00:14:23,875 All right, stay in school. 345 00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:26,125 We're not good. We're not good 346 00:14:26,208 --> 00:14:28,458 at telling you what we're not good at. 347 00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:32,291 We're not good at cursing. Like cursing people out. Like, yo, 348 00:14:32,375 --> 00:14:35,458 -black people got that on lock! -(laughter) 349 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,709 Lemme tell you, when a black person curses you out, 350 00:14:38,792 --> 00:14:42,500 -you just gotta clap. Like, nigga, you did that. -(laughter) 351 00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:44,500 I see what you did there. I would not have thought about 352 00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:47,542 -that combination, but, uh, I do appreciate that. -(laughter) 353 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,333 It's like "Mortal Kombat," "Street Fighter." 354 00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:52,583 -Hadouken, tiger uppercut, finish him! -(laughter) 355 00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,458 It's beautiful! It's amazing. 356 00:14:54,542 --> 00:14:56,375 'Cause, like, Nigerians, we don't, like, we don't 357 00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:58,458 curse people out. No, we don't curse. 358 00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:01,917 -We put curses on... -(laughter) 359 00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:04,041 people. 360 00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:06,625 -It's a little different. -(laughter) 361 00:15:07,041 --> 00:15:08,709 It's a little different. 362 00:15:08,792 --> 00:15:11,333 And I've seen a black guy and an African guy get into a fight. 363 00:15:11,417 --> 00:15:12,959 I've seen it 'cause I used to live in Harlem, 364 00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:14,625 and that's like the melting pot 365 00:15:14,709 --> 00:15:16,417 of all of this, and when I tell you, 366 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,458 it is the most hilarious thing in the world. 367 00:15:19,542 --> 00:15:21,208 Because here's what I found out. Like, black guys, 368 00:15:21,291 --> 00:15:23,041 y'all love your sneakers. Like, y'all-- 369 00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:25,000 I don't know about you. You have your church shoes on. 370 00:15:25,083 --> 00:15:27,750 -(laughter) -Like, black dudes, 371 00:15:27,834 --> 00:15:29,709 y'all, like, keep your sneakers in the box. 372 00:15:29,792 --> 00:15:32,500 You have a special toothbrush for it. You take it out on Sundays, 373 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:33,667 like, "Ah, ah, ah!" 374 00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,542 So, you don't want nobody scuffing it. 375 00:15:35,625 --> 00:15:38,083 Well, I don't know what this Nigerian guy was going this one day 376 00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:41,208 'cause he was just like, "'Scuse me, 'scuse me, I'm in a rush--" 377 00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:44,083 -Where are you switching to, bro? -(laughter) 378 00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:46,917 He messed around and scuffed this black dude's shoes. 379 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,041 Homie was like, "Come on, man! Look what you did to my shoes! 380 00:15:50,125 --> 00:15:52,166 Man, come on, watch where you going, you stupid motherf--" 381 00:15:53,542 --> 00:15:56,834 -(Nigerian accent): "Stupid mother what? -(laughter) 382 00:15:57,375 --> 00:15:58,542 "Me? 383 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,083 -A whole me?" -Audience: A whole me? 384 00:16:01,166 --> 00:16:03,667 (laughter, cheering) 385 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:06,834 (applause) 386 00:16:10,959 --> 00:16:13,166 -"No problem. -(laughter) 387 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,875 -"Everything you touch... -(laughter) 388 00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:19,041 (applause) 389 00:16:20,166 --> 00:16:21,375 will turn to dust." 390 00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:23,083 -I was like, no! -(laughter) 391 00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:26,291 Uncle, please take it back! He did not mean it! 392 00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:29,417 -We don't fight fair. -(laughter) 393 00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:32,083 Ha! And I've seen it happen in all... 394 00:16:32,166 --> 00:16:33,959 in everywhere. I have seen it happen. 395 00:16:34,041 --> 00:16:35,834 I went to The Braid Gallery, and I saw it. 396 00:16:35,917 --> 00:16:38,250 First of all, lemme just take this opportunity to apologize 397 00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:40,375 to every woman here without edges. 398 00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:41,875 -Um... -(laughter) 399 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:44,542 My people and their heavy hands have hurt you. 400 00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,667 -(laughter) -Some of you-- 401 00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:49,125 Some of you wanna laugh now. Your scalp won't allow you. 402 00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,041 -"Ha-- Oh no." -(laughter) 403 00:16:51,125 --> 00:16:53,041 'Cause an African will grip the mess outta your scalp, 404 00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:54,959 won't they? They will find hair in places 405 00:16:55,041 --> 00:16:57,208 -that you didn't even know existed. -(laughter) 406 00:16:57,291 --> 00:16:59,250 I went to this lady at this Braid Gallery, 407 00:16:59,333 --> 00:17:00,834 and I sat in this lady's chair. 408 00:17:00,917 --> 00:17:03,875 -Shorty grabbed my throat. -(laughter) 409 00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:05,417 I was like, (in accent): "Auntie, what are you doing?" 410 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,125 She said, "Stand very still. 411 00:17:07,208 --> 00:17:10,083 -"There is a piece of hair right there. -(laughter) 412 00:17:10,166 --> 00:17:11,417 "I must get it and connect it 413 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:12,917 back to your roots!" 414 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,041 (laughter) 415 00:17:15,583 --> 00:17:17,875 (in normal voice): I'm good, I'm good. 416 00:17:19,208 --> 00:17:21,250 So, I was at The Braid Gallery in Harlem, 417 00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:22,792 and this black girl was hurtin' 418 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,041 'cause this Nigerian girl was just taking it to her scalp. 419 00:17:25,125 --> 00:17:27,500 She was like, "Ma'am, I can't even think! Like, I can't even-- 420 00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:29,709 -(laughter) -"Like, can you please stop touching me-- 421 00:17:29,792 --> 00:17:31,333 "Why don't you just get your hand off my hair, 422 00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:34,125 -you stupid b--" -(audience ohhing) 423 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,583 -(in accent): "Stupid what? -(laughter) 424 00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:39,000 Me? A..." 425 00:17:39,083 --> 00:17:41,166 Audience: A whole me? 426 00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:43,917 (laughter, applause) 427 00:17:44,709 --> 00:17:46,166 "No problem. 428 00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:48,083 (laughter) 429 00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:50,166 "Your third-born child... 430 00:17:50,250 --> 00:17:51,959 (laughter) 431 00:17:52,417 --> 00:17:54,500 will have no eyes." I was like, goddamn! 432 00:17:54,583 --> 00:17:55,834 (laughter) 433 00:17:55,917 --> 00:17:57,917 (in normal voice): She didn't mean it! 434 00:17:59,583 --> 00:18:00,709 (laughs) 435 00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:04,750 We don't fight fair, bro. 436 00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,709 And two Nigerians fighting is hysterical 437 00:18:07,792 --> 00:18:09,166 because they never actually fight. 438 00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:11,583 They give advice. It's like you see two of them, 439 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,667 goin' head-to-head, and one of them is like, 440 00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:17,291 -(in accent): "My friend! Hey! My friend. -(laughter) 441 00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:21,125 -"If I were you... -(laughter) 442 00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:25,375 "No, I'm just saying, if I were you... 443 00:18:25,458 --> 00:18:28,834 -I would respect myself." -(laughter) 444 00:18:28,917 --> 00:18:31,000 (applause) 445 00:18:33,542 --> 00:18:35,291 (in normal voice): So, y'all not gonna fight. 446 00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,250 (laughter) 447 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,083 I love going home because it's like I get 448 00:18:39,166 --> 00:18:41,166 to introduce my cousins to new things. 449 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,542 I brought Taboo home, right? 450 00:18:43,625 --> 00:18:45,083 I wanted to create memories. 451 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,291 You were like, "Oh no." Yeah, it was a bad idea. 452 00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:49,750 -(laughter) -That's what it was. It was a bad-- 453 00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:51,750 I realized very quickly 454 00:18:51,834 --> 00:18:54,959 -that Taboo does not translate. It does... -(laughter) 455 00:18:55,041 --> 00:18:57,792 it does not go over the border very well. 456 00:18:58,125 --> 00:19:00,083 Because here's-- Like, y'all, 457 00:19:00,166 --> 00:19:02,792 it was so frustrating 'cause I'm playing with them, 458 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,250 and the words that they are guessing... 459 00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:07,083 it was just not accurate for... 460 00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:10,125 -for the words that were on those cards. -(laughter) 461 00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:12,959 'Cause I'm like, "Okay, it's something you eat for breakfast." 462 00:19:13,041 --> 00:19:15,417 -Here they go. "Yam! Cassava! -(laughter) 463 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:17,333 Plantain! Goat meat!" 464 00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,542 (laughter, applause) 465 00:19:21,750 --> 00:19:25,125 -What kind of starch-heavy diet are y'all on? -(laughter) 466 00:19:25,834 --> 00:19:27,250 It was eggs. 467 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,542 (laughter) 468 00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:33,792 This is when I was like, I gotta give this game up. I was like, 469 00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:36,250 "Okay, it's something our parents don't want us to be." 470 00:19:36,333 --> 00:19:38,208 -"Prostitute! -(laughter) 471 00:19:38,291 --> 00:19:40,291 Unmarried! Happy!" What? 472 00:19:40,375 --> 00:19:42,709 (laughter) 473 00:19:42,792 --> 00:19:44,458 You might need therapy. Just... 474 00:19:44,542 --> 00:19:47,375 Let's put this game-- Let's unpack some of these issues. 475 00:19:48,959 --> 00:19:51,041 But as much as I can't play with my cousins back home, 476 00:19:51,125 --> 00:19:54,875 I realized I can't play with my hood friends either. Just... 477 00:19:55,375 --> 00:19:58,792 -She's like, "You're right about that one. -(laughter) 478 00:19:58,875 --> 00:20:00,917 Yeah." No, because here's the thing. 479 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,750 When you play with folks from the hood, 480 00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:06,500 it just be all off, okay? The way y'all guess these words? 481 00:20:06,583 --> 00:20:09,208 It's like y'all had a pre-game that I didn't know about, okay? 482 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,625 -My two degrees be fighting with your logic. -(laughter) 483 00:20:12,709 --> 00:20:15,000 And then when you get a card, what is this nonsense? 484 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:18,250 -"Ahh! -(laughter) 485 00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:19,917 Ahh!" 486 00:20:21,375 --> 00:20:24,458 (laughter) 487 00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:28,500 For a card game? All of that for a card game? 488 00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:30,333 Copy, copy. 489 00:20:30,417 --> 00:20:32,333 So, I went to a house party in Brooklyn. 490 00:20:32,417 --> 00:20:34,208 The word was "thirsty." Here goes this fool. 491 00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:36,166 And I'm on their team. 492 00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:38,208 He was like, 493 00:20:38,291 --> 00:20:40,166 "Ah, money! Money! 494 00:20:40,250 --> 00:20:42,750 -"Money! -(laughter) 495 00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:46,291 -Nigga, we got this!" -(laughter) 496 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:49,667 I'm looking at the clock like, no, we don't! Hurry up! Like... 497 00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:52,875 He's like, "Okay, okay, okay. Ah... 498 00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:55,166 -(heavy breathing) -(laughter) 499 00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,709 "Okay, okay, okay. Listen, listen, listen. 500 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,834 "When a hoe knows that you got a girl... 501 00:21:02,917 --> 00:21:04,458 "Right? Right? Okay. 502 00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:07,000 "And she don't even care, my nigga, 503 00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:09,792 "she still be tryin' to holler? 504 00:21:10,291 --> 00:21:13,458 -What is she?" -(laughter) 505 00:21:16,291 --> 00:21:19,417 (laughter) 506 00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:24,250 That's where we're going with this? 507 00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:26,875 When a hoe knows you gotta... 508 00:21:26,959 --> 00:21:30,125 -So, not parched? -(laughter) 509 00:21:30,792 --> 00:21:33,583 Not "there is a drought, and thus..." 510 00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:35,291 (laughter) 511 00:21:36,083 --> 00:21:38,792 And me and my Masters in public health. I'm like, 512 00:21:38,875 --> 00:21:41,917 "Uh, inconsiderate! Selfish!" 513 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,166 (laughter) 514 00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:49,250 Here go this other fool. "Nah, nigga. 515 00:21:49,333 --> 00:21:52,083 -She thirsty as hell. Get money." -(laughter) 516 00:21:52,834 --> 00:21:56,125 Wait, what? What? I didn't know. I wasn't... 517 00:21:56,208 --> 00:21:58,375 wasn't prepared for this. 518 00:21:59,542 --> 00:22:01,208 And it got worse, guys. 519 00:22:01,291 --> 00:22:03,583 It got worse 'cause the next word... 520 00:22:03,667 --> 00:22:05,709 was "reindeer." 521 00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:07,917 -Here he goes. -(laughter) 522 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,625 "Ahh, money! 523 00:22:10,709 --> 00:22:13,750 I'ma have to walk you through this joint though." 524 00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:16,041 (laughter) 525 00:22:17,458 --> 00:22:20,458 -If you don't hurry up, sir... -(laughter) 526 00:22:20,542 --> 00:22:22,166 "Nah, but follow me, though. Follow me, though. 527 00:22:22,250 --> 00:22:23,834 "Follow me. Follow me. 528 00:22:23,917 --> 00:22:26,375 -"Okay, okay, okay. Ah. -(laughter) 529 00:22:26,917 --> 00:22:27,959 (sighs) 530 00:22:28,041 --> 00:22:29,667 "I got it, I got it, I got it. 531 00:22:30,959 --> 00:22:34,208 "It's Christmas time. Right? Okay? Okay. 532 00:22:34,291 --> 00:22:36,625 "Baby Jesus sleepin' in the manger. 533 00:22:36,709 --> 00:22:38,875 (laughter) 534 00:22:38,959 --> 00:22:41,291 My nigga, who brought him there though?" 535 00:22:41,375 --> 00:22:43,375 (laughter) 536 00:22:43,458 --> 00:22:46,542 (applause) 537 00:22:53,125 --> 00:22:57,166 -I'm sorry, what version of the Bible do you have? -(laughter) 538 00:22:57,667 --> 00:23:00,125 Is your nativity story from Bed-Stuy? 539 00:23:00,208 --> 00:23:02,125 -What is... -(laughter) 540 00:23:02,208 --> 00:23:03,959 'Cause, like, the way I grew up in my household, 541 00:23:04,041 --> 00:23:07,250 we stressed education, bro, like, real talk, like, here's the thing. 542 00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:08,875 This is how much Nigerians stress education. 543 00:23:08,959 --> 00:23:12,417 If you are in here and you have a bachelor's degree, 544 00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:15,083 like you have a bachelor's degree, clap your hands. 545 00:23:15,166 --> 00:23:17,917 (applause) 546 00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:21,041 -Leave. -(laughter) 547 00:23:21,125 --> 00:23:22,959 'Cause for a Nigerian, a bachelor's degree is 548 00:23:23,041 --> 00:23:25,000 literally the equivalent of a... 549 00:23:25,083 --> 00:23:27,083 -honorable mention at a science fair. -(laughter) 550 00:23:27,166 --> 00:23:28,875 They're like, "Well, you showed up. 551 00:23:28,959 --> 00:23:31,166 -"You did something. We don't know. -(laughter) 552 00:23:31,250 --> 00:23:34,166 There was a volcano. Ha, did it erupt?" 553 00:23:34,250 --> 00:23:35,917 (laughter) 554 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,000 (in normal voice): Like, my mom wouldn't even let me play 555 00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:40,834 with anybody who didn't make straight A's. 556 00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:43,250 Like, real talk. You're like, "Ha, ha." Some of you are like, 557 00:23:43,333 --> 00:23:45,500 "Mine didn't either. Mine didn't either." 558 00:23:45,583 --> 00:23:47,125 No, she didn't. My mom came to me one day. 559 00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:49,875 She was like, "Yvonne, come here, come here, come here. 560 00:23:49,959 --> 00:23:53,166 -(clicks tongue) "This Billy boy... -(laughter) 561 00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:56,959 that you are just gallivanting the streets with anyhow." 562 00:23:57,041 --> 00:24:00,417 "Gallivanting"? I'm in third grade, Ma, where am I going? 563 00:24:00,500 --> 00:24:03,625 (in accent): "Just gallivanting the streets with anyhow! 564 00:24:04,125 --> 00:24:06,875 What kind of grades does he make?" 565 00:24:06,959 --> 00:24:10,041 I was like, "Mom, I don't know." "Go and find out." 566 00:24:10,125 --> 00:24:11,500 (laughter) 567 00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:13,709 Do you know how embarrassing that is? 568 00:24:13,792 --> 00:24:14,875 But I had to do it. 569 00:24:14,959 --> 00:24:17,125 I ran up on Billy during recess. 570 00:24:17,959 --> 00:24:22,041 It's like, "Hey, Billy." He was playing tetherball. "Oh, hey... Sorry. 571 00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:24,417 (laughter) 572 00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:27,208 "Billy, I have a question. Um... 573 00:24:28,041 --> 00:24:29,250 "It's gonna sound really awkward, 574 00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:31,625 but what kind of grades do you make?" 575 00:24:31,709 --> 00:24:35,917 He was like, "Um, I don't know. Like, B's and C's. 576 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,166 But I'm doing really well in PE!" 577 00:24:39,166 --> 00:24:42,458 -(inhales, sighs) -(laughter) 578 00:24:43,125 --> 00:24:45,792 -We not gonna make it. -(laughter) 579 00:24:45,875 --> 00:24:47,917 But I'm hoping, I'm hoping that when I get home, 580 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,625 my mom won't know. So I'm like, you know, 581 00:24:49,709 --> 00:24:51,750 tip-toeing into the house. I open the door. My mom, 582 00:24:51,834 --> 00:24:53,333 "What did Billy say?" 583 00:24:53,417 --> 00:24:54,875 (laughter) 584 00:24:54,959 --> 00:24:58,458 "Um, well, Mom, Billy-- Billy says that he makes... 585 00:24:58,542 --> 00:25:00,375 "You know, B's... 586 00:25:00,458 --> 00:25:01,583 and C's." 587 00:25:01,959 --> 00:25:04,291 -"B's and what? -(laughter) 588 00:25:04,375 --> 00:25:07,458 Yvonne, you can no longer play with Billy." 589 00:25:07,542 --> 00:25:10,125 "No, Mom! Billy is my friend!" "Billy is not your friend. 590 00:25:10,208 --> 00:25:11,500 (laughter) 591 00:25:11,583 --> 00:25:13,792 Billy is a vagabond." What? 592 00:25:13,875 --> 00:25:15,583 (laughter) 593 00:25:15,875 --> 00:25:18,041 She called this man a whole vagabond, y'all. 594 00:25:18,125 --> 00:25:19,375 I don't even know what that is. 595 00:25:19,458 --> 00:25:20,792 I'm 8 years old looking at the encyclopedia. 596 00:25:20,875 --> 00:25:23,250 Va-- va-- va-- vaga... 597 00:25:25,875 --> 00:25:28,917 -Dad: Yvonne was a very hardworking young girl. -Mom: She was. 598 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,500 -She was hardworking. She was smart. -Very hardworking. 599 00:25:31,583 --> 00:25:34,041 Her GPA was always so high. 600 00:25:34,125 --> 00:25:36,166 That made us think that Yvonne 601 00:25:36,250 --> 00:25:37,792 was heading somewhere. 602 00:25:37,875 --> 00:25:41,125 She said she was getting ready for her MCAT. 603 00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:43,041 And we were very happy. 604 00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:44,834 -Yeah. -But then, 605 00:25:44,917 --> 00:25:48,583 so she decided to start making jokes. 606 00:25:48,959 --> 00:25:52,500 Before we knew it, she going to New York. 607 00:25:52,583 --> 00:25:55,000 We were like, oh my God. 608 00:25:55,083 --> 00:25:57,208 Where is she heading to? 609 00:25:57,291 --> 00:25:59,333 I had planned 610 00:25:59,417 --> 00:26:01,834 that at least one of my children 611 00:26:01,917 --> 00:26:04,458 would be a medical doctor. 612 00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:06,583 Well, if she had made her choice, 613 00:26:06,667 --> 00:26:08,792 that should be it. 614 00:26:10,667 --> 00:26:13,542 Like Chinua Achebe says, you have only four options 615 00:26:13,625 --> 00:26:15,000 as a Nigerian. 616 00:26:15,083 --> 00:26:17,333 You're a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or disappointment. 617 00:26:17,417 --> 00:26:20,041 -So, congratulations. -(laughter) 618 00:26:20,125 --> 00:26:22,417 DJ Obi: When I started DJing, a cousin of mine, 619 00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:25,000 he actually said, "Bro, go get a respectable job." 620 00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:26,792 -(chuckling) -And I'm like, "What do you mean?" 621 00:26:26,875 --> 00:26:28,417 And then he asked me how much I was making, 622 00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:30,333 and I asked him how much he was making, and I was like, 623 00:26:30,417 --> 00:26:31,875 you sure you don't wanna be a DJ? 624 00:26:31,959 --> 00:26:33,875 (laughter) 625 00:26:33,959 --> 00:26:35,500 Yvonne: Burn! 626 00:26:35,583 --> 00:26:37,208 Tosin Durotoye: My dad was conscious enough to say, 627 00:26:37,291 --> 00:26:40,000 "I don't want you guys to feel 628 00:26:40,083 --> 00:26:42,583 that you gave up on your dream 'cause that's kinda what I did." 629 00:26:42,667 --> 00:26:45,291 -Yeah. -So my father, even with his best intentions like, 630 00:26:45,375 --> 00:26:47,875 (in accent): "Hey, so I know I said that you should 631 00:26:47,959 --> 00:26:50,542 follow your dream, but can you, perhaps--" 632 00:26:50,625 --> 00:26:52,041 Unfollow it! 633 00:26:52,125 --> 00:26:54,208 "Take this exit to business school first." 634 00:26:54,291 --> 00:26:55,458 (laughter) 635 00:26:55,542 --> 00:26:57,041 Chigul: My father called me on the phone. 636 00:26:57,125 --> 00:26:59,792 My 30th birthday. "Hello? 637 00:26:59,875 --> 00:27:02,166 Yes, Daddy, good morning." 638 00:27:02,250 --> 00:27:03,709 "Okay, what's next?" 639 00:27:03,792 --> 00:27:05,500 (laughter) 640 00:27:06,291 --> 00:27:08,792 When you have the pressure of your parents 641 00:27:08,875 --> 00:27:11,542 in any way, shape, or form, either it's to succeed 642 00:27:11,625 --> 00:27:12,959 or to get your life together. 643 00:27:13,041 --> 00:27:15,417 -That is a huge motivating factor. -Tosin: It is. 644 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:17,583 But then it's also the reason why you need therapy. 645 00:27:17,667 --> 00:27:20,125 (laughter) 646 00:27:20,208 --> 00:27:21,917 Yvonne: My mom, she uses every opportunity 647 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,417 to remind me that I wasn't a doctor. Like, 648 00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:26,667 I was helping her in the kitchen cook. I cut my finger. 649 00:27:26,750 --> 00:27:28,959 Just a tiny cut. I'm bleeding, and I'm like, 650 00:27:29,041 --> 00:27:31,125 "Mom, can you help me? You got anything? You got a Band-Aid?" 651 00:27:31,208 --> 00:27:34,000 -"You bleeding. (clicks tongue) -(laughter) 652 00:27:34,709 --> 00:27:36,917 "If you were a doctor, 653 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,583 -"you'd be giving yourself stitches by now! -(laughter) 654 00:27:39,667 --> 00:27:41,375 "But you want to be a jester. Chee-chee! 655 00:27:41,458 --> 00:27:43,542 Laugh and make yourself feel better!" 656 00:27:43,625 --> 00:27:46,208 (laughter) 657 00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:52,208 That's how you feel? Like, did you just call me a jester? 658 00:27:52,792 --> 00:27:56,041 -I don't juggle balls. What are we doin'? -(laughter) 659 00:27:56,875 --> 00:28:00,083 And my mom was the kind, like, she was the worst-case scenario kind of mom. 660 00:28:00,166 --> 00:28:03,792 Like, she heard the worst-case scenario. I said, "Mom, 661 00:28:03,875 --> 00:28:06,458 I wanna do comedy." She heard, 662 00:28:06,542 --> 00:28:07,959 "So, you want to... 663 00:28:08,041 --> 00:28:10,583 -"prostitute yourself all over the world! -(laughter) 664 00:28:10,667 --> 00:28:12,125 "Is that what you want? 665 00:28:12,208 --> 00:28:15,291 -You want it naked, your body for all to see?" -(laughter) 666 00:28:15,375 --> 00:28:17,583 What do you think I do? 667 00:28:17,667 --> 00:28:19,041 (laughter) 668 00:28:19,125 --> 00:28:20,500 She heard the worst-case scenario. 669 00:28:20,583 --> 00:28:22,542 It didn't matter. Like, I lived in Laurel, Maryland. 670 00:28:22,625 --> 00:28:24,917 -Yeah, PG County. -(cheering) 671 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,583 Okay. 672 00:28:26,667 --> 00:28:28,333 And right by our house was Laurel Mall. 673 00:28:28,417 --> 00:28:30,291 So you know when you're young, like, you wanna go to the mall 674 00:28:30,375 --> 00:28:32,125 with your brothers, your friends, or whatever-- 675 00:28:32,208 --> 00:28:35,500 Well, my one friend. Not friends. That was plural. 676 00:28:35,583 --> 00:28:37,583 And I hit up my mom. I was like, 677 00:28:37,667 --> 00:28:39,834 "Momma, I wanna go to the mall." My mom, 678 00:28:39,917 --> 00:28:41,500 "The mall? Ha!" 679 00:28:41,583 --> 00:28:44,792 Because here's the thing. We didn't believe in allowance, okay? 680 00:28:44,875 --> 00:28:47,417 My mom didn't know what free money was. 681 00:28:47,500 --> 00:28:48,834 She was like, "Allow what? 682 00:28:48,917 --> 00:28:51,000 "Do I not allow you in my house? 683 00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:53,000 -(laughter) -"Do I not allow you 684 00:28:53,083 --> 00:28:55,500 food in your stomach?" I'm like, what? 685 00:28:55,917 --> 00:28:57,875 So I'm like, "Mom, I wanna go to the mall." 686 00:28:57,959 --> 00:29:00,375 Here she goes. "What business, ah, 687 00:29:00,458 --> 00:29:03,500 "does a poor person have 688 00:29:03,583 --> 00:29:05,333 "at the mall? 689 00:29:05,583 --> 00:29:07,792 Tell me, am I raising a thief?" 690 00:29:07,875 --> 00:29:09,417 (laughter) 691 00:29:09,500 --> 00:29:11,583 That's where your mind went to, Ma? 692 00:29:11,667 --> 00:29:13,041 (laughter) 693 00:29:13,125 --> 00:29:14,875 And it's hard for Nigerians to be, like, 694 00:29:14,959 --> 00:29:17,542 happy for other Nigerians when, like, 695 00:29:17,625 --> 00:29:19,709 you got something at home that's not all the way right. 696 00:29:19,792 --> 00:29:22,291 Like, you understand? Like, for-- you laughin' 'cause you're like, 697 00:29:22,375 --> 00:29:24,375 -"That's very true. It's very true..." -(laughter) 698 00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:27,166 We don't know how to be happy for other people 'cause, you know, when I was-- 699 00:29:27,250 --> 00:29:28,834 It took a while to get on this stage, y'all. 700 00:29:28,917 --> 00:29:31,792 It was, like, seven, eight years of the struggle, okay? 701 00:29:31,875 --> 00:29:33,291 -"The struggle." -(laughter) 702 00:29:33,375 --> 00:29:35,834 And so my mom would be like, "Huh, well. (clicks tongue) 703 00:29:35,917 --> 00:29:38,250 "You're doing something, I guess, with your life, but... 704 00:29:38,959 --> 00:29:41,625 "in the meantime, did you hear? 705 00:29:41,875 --> 00:29:43,333 "Naca, ha, 706 00:29:43,417 --> 00:29:46,500 -has gotten engaged." -(laughter) 707 00:29:46,583 --> 00:29:48,166 (laughing) 708 00:29:48,250 --> 00:29:51,542 And I'm like, "Oh yeah. Like, I saw it on Facebook." 709 00:29:51,625 --> 00:29:54,458 -"So, you know." -(laughter) 710 00:29:54,542 --> 00:29:58,000 I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "And how does that make 711 00:29:58,041 --> 00:30:00,792 -you feel?" -(laughter) 712 00:30:00,875 --> 00:30:03,208 I'm like, "Momma, I'm happy for her." 713 00:30:03,333 --> 00:30:04,917 "You're ha-- 714 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,041 (laughter) 715 00:30:07,166 --> 00:30:09,000 "You're happy for her. 716 00:30:09,083 --> 00:30:10,667 "Well, tell me, Yvonne. 717 00:30:10,750 --> 00:30:13,333 "When can I be happy for you?" 718 00:30:13,375 --> 00:30:15,542 (applause, laughter) 719 00:30:15,667 --> 00:30:17,208 I'm like, you're not? What is... 720 00:30:17,333 --> 00:30:18,792 What is happening? 721 00:30:18,875 --> 00:30:20,542 But that's how they encourage us. 722 00:30:20,667 --> 00:30:23,667 -Encouragement through comparison and shame. Just... -(laughter) 723 00:30:24,250 --> 00:30:26,542 Like, "You're just happy. You're just happy for everybody, 724 00:30:26,667 --> 00:30:30,000 -while you're struggling. Okay." -(laughter) 725 00:30:30,041 --> 00:30:32,625 But you roll up on my mom today, it's a different story. 726 00:30:32,709 --> 00:30:35,083 You roll up on Celine? What? 727 00:30:35,166 --> 00:30:38,000 "Do you have HBO? 728 00:30:38,083 --> 00:30:40,667 (laughter) 729 00:30:40,750 --> 00:30:42,500 (applause) 730 00:30:42,583 --> 00:30:45,000 (cheering) 731 00:30:50,542 --> 00:30:52,125 "No, Home Box Office. Yes. 732 00:30:52,208 --> 00:30:55,542 "Home Box Office. Yes. That's where my daughter is. 733 00:30:55,625 --> 00:30:58,458 "No, she's no longer doing public health. It's HBO. 734 00:30:58,542 --> 00:30:59,917 -"HBO. -(laughter) 735 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,417 Yes. No, if you don't have it, it's because you're poor." 736 00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:04,667 (laughter) 737 00:31:05,208 --> 00:31:08,083 I'm like, Ma, you don't have it, too. 738 00:31:08,166 --> 00:31:10,750 Took that joint off. Took that joint off. 739 00:31:10,834 --> 00:31:12,917 But here's the thing, like, it's like, you know, 740 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,250 we all do everything we do, 741 00:31:14,333 --> 00:31:15,625 no matter what profession you are, 742 00:31:15,709 --> 00:31:18,667 to help our parents. We all wanna make it, 743 00:31:18,750 --> 00:31:21,917 -so we can help them out, am I right? -(applause) 744 00:31:24,834 --> 00:31:26,083 There you guys are. 745 00:31:26,166 --> 00:31:28,333 Uh-oh. Yvonne. (laugh) 746 00:31:28,417 --> 00:31:30,333 -What are you guys doing out here? -Mom: Welcome home! 747 00:31:30,417 --> 00:31:31,291 Yvonne: Thank you. 748 00:31:31,375 --> 00:31:32,291 -Oh my goodness. -Welcome. 749 00:31:32,375 --> 00:31:33,625 You saw me yesterday. 750 00:31:33,709 --> 00:31:35,750 (laughter) 751 00:31:35,834 --> 00:31:38,291 -And you told me things to get for you. -Mom: Oh my goodness. 752 00:31:38,375 --> 00:31:40,291 -I got your peppers. -Uh-oh. 753 00:31:40,375 --> 00:31:42,709 -(laughs) -Uh-oh! 754 00:31:42,792 --> 00:31:44,792 -Your strawberry jam. -Oh wow. 755 00:31:44,875 --> 00:31:45,792 (speaks foreign language) 756 00:31:45,875 --> 00:31:47,834 Oh, you got my plastic wrap. 757 00:31:48,083 --> 00:31:49,500 Someone's raisin bread. 758 00:31:49,583 --> 00:31:51,083 That's my raisin bread. Oh wow. 759 00:31:51,166 --> 00:31:54,041 -I got your bagels. -Oh yeah. Cinnamon raisin, yes. 760 00:31:54,125 --> 00:31:57,041 I requested for-- What about my lettuce, my dear? 761 00:31:58,041 --> 00:32:00,000 -Well, I didn't get your lettuce. -Dad: Eh... 762 00:32:00,083 --> 00:32:01,959 -Mom: Oh! -Dad: I love salad. 763 00:32:02,041 --> 00:32:04,125 -I love salad. -Momma, there's lettuce here. 764 00:32:04,208 --> 00:32:06,291 -Not like romaine lettuce. -They were recalled. 765 00:32:06,375 --> 00:32:08,834 -The lettuces. I don't know. I don't-- They were-- -Mom: Why? 766 00:32:08,917 --> 00:32:12,083 -I looked all over for the lettuce. -Mom: My goodness. 767 00:32:12,166 --> 00:32:13,375 -It's okay. -It's okay. 768 00:32:13,458 --> 00:32:14,875 This is for you, Mommy. 769 00:32:14,959 --> 00:32:16,166 Oh wow. 770 00:32:16,250 --> 00:32:18,667 When you see a good gift like this, you are shaking 771 00:32:18,750 --> 00:32:21,000 to open it. Oh my goodness. 772 00:32:21,083 --> 00:32:23,583 -Wow, this is... -Yvonne: Louis Vuitton. 773 00:32:23,667 --> 00:32:25,417 Louis Vuitton bag. 774 00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,041 Oowee! 775 00:32:27,125 --> 00:32:29,208 I'll make sure I hold it up like this when I'm walking. 776 00:32:29,291 --> 00:32:30,417 Yes. Just like that. 777 00:32:30,500 --> 00:32:31,750 (laughter) 778 00:32:31,834 --> 00:32:33,125 How will you hold it, Mommy? 779 00:32:33,208 --> 00:32:34,834 -How will you? Like that? -Like this. 780 00:32:34,917 --> 00:32:36,250 (laughing) 781 00:32:36,458 --> 00:32:39,000 This is really the original. You know there are some fake ones here. 782 00:32:39,083 --> 00:32:41,333 (laughter) 783 00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:44,709 -Only the original for you, Mommy. -This is absolutely gorgeous. 784 00:32:44,792 --> 00:32:47,333 But, oh God, the lettuce now. 785 00:32:47,417 --> 00:32:49,375 I'm sorry, I didn't bring your lettuce. 786 00:32:49,458 --> 00:32:51,625 I'm not being ungrateful, you know. 787 00:32:51,709 --> 00:32:53,000 (laughter) 788 00:32:53,083 --> 00:32:54,959 But, you know I love lettuce. 789 00:32:55,041 --> 00:32:56,333 Yvonne: I would do anything for my parents. 790 00:32:56,417 --> 00:32:58,041 I'm like, there's nothing that I wouldn't do. 791 00:32:58,125 --> 00:32:59,834 But see, my mom, she doesn't, like, 792 00:32:59,917 --> 00:33:03,291 outright ask for things. Nah. Never. 793 00:33:03,375 --> 00:33:05,667 She just insinuates everything. 794 00:33:05,750 --> 00:33:08,000 'Cause my parents, like, split their time 795 00:33:08,083 --> 00:33:10,083 between Laurel and Nigeria. 796 00:33:10,166 --> 00:33:12,500 And so, you know, recently, my mom was like, 797 00:33:12,583 --> 00:33:15,041 "What month is it... What... 798 00:33:15,125 --> 00:33:17,542 "Oh my goodness gracious. Ah! 799 00:33:17,625 --> 00:33:20,166 "Is it time for us to go home already? 800 00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:21,750 (laughter) 801 00:33:22,041 --> 00:33:25,667 "Hey! And we have not bought our tickets. 802 00:33:25,750 --> 00:33:28,125 (laughter) 803 00:33:30,166 --> 00:33:32,083 "Yvonne, Yvonne, come. Please, bring your computer. 804 00:33:32,166 --> 00:33:33,750 -"Bring your computer. -(laughter) 805 00:33:33,834 --> 00:33:36,959 "Come on, help me look for tickets. Please, ah. 806 00:33:37,041 --> 00:33:40,250 -"Oh, my knees bend... -(laughter) 807 00:33:40,875 --> 00:33:44,000 "This my arthritis is acting up. Oh my God. 808 00:33:45,041 --> 00:33:47,083 "What seats are available? 809 00:33:47,166 --> 00:33:50,291 (laughter) 810 00:33:54,792 --> 00:33:58,333 "No. Wow, look at all of that legroom... 811 00:33:58,875 --> 00:34:01,417 -"in first class. -(laughter) 812 00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:03,917 "All of those people enjoying their life. 813 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,291 (laughter) 814 00:34:06,375 --> 00:34:09,500 "Oh my good-- It would be nice 815 00:34:09,583 --> 00:34:12,542 "to travel first class... 816 00:34:12,625 --> 00:34:16,250 -before I die." -(laughter) 817 00:34:16,333 --> 00:34:18,041 (in normal voice): Before you die, Ma?! 818 00:34:19,166 --> 00:34:22,792 -What did the doctor tell you? Like... -(laughter) 819 00:34:22,875 --> 00:34:25,041 ever since we were growing up, my mom's favorite phrase 820 00:34:25,125 --> 00:34:26,333 to use to get us to do something is, 821 00:34:26,417 --> 00:34:29,000 -"It is my one dying wish!" -(laughter) 822 00:34:29,083 --> 00:34:32,709 You've been dying since we were in fifth grade. You good, like, you good. 823 00:34:32,792 --> 00:34:35,291 I don't... I don't trust you no more. 824 00:34:35,542 --> 00:34:37,667 Now, I don't mind helping my momma. 825 00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:39,208 I don't mind helping my dad. 826 00:34:39,291 --> 00:34:42,166 I don't mind helping my immediate family. No, 827 00:34:42,250 --> 00:34:44,041 'cause I rocks with them. 828 00:34:44,125 --> 00:34:45,625 It's them other niggas in my family though. 829 00:34:45,709 --> 00:34:47,667 -Ahh! -(laughter) 830 00:34:47,750 --> 00:34:49,500 That extended family. 831 00:34:49,583 --> 00:34:52,417 -Keep them all the way extended. -(laughter) 832 00:34:52,500 --> 00:34:54,375 But, I had this one uncle. 833 00:34:54,458 --> 00:34:56,250 This one uncle, he just would ride me 834 00:34:56,333 --> 00:34:58,166 every time he would see me. Like, "Yvonne, 835 00:34:58,250 --> 00:35:01,500 I... I just don't understand. I don't understand." 836 00:35:01,583 --> 00:35:04,667 I don't know why he talked with his elbow so far back. 837 00:35:04,750 --> 00:35:06,208 (laughter) 838 00:35:06,417 --> 00:35:08,625 "I just, I don't understand. You know, you have 839 00:35:08,709 --> 00:35:10,834 "two degrees. Two of them. 840 00:35:10,917 --> 00:35:12,500 Use one." What? 841 00:35:12,583 --> 00:35:15,500 (laughter) 842 00:35:15,583 --> 00:35:17,458 Such a jerk. 843 00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:20,417 And mind you, mind you, he has known me 844 00:35:20,500 --> 00:35:23,000 my whole life. My whole entire life. 845 00:35:23,083 --> 00:35:25,500 This uncle. Now, as a success, 846 00:35:25,583 --> 00:35:26,917 every time he sees me. 847 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,709 -"Molly! Ahh! -(laughter) 848 00:35:29,792 --> 00:35:31,625 "Molly girl! 849 00:35:31,709 --> 00:35:34,208 Look at my niece. Molly!" I'm like, nigga, 850 00:35:34,291 --> 00:35:36,542 -it is Yvonne to you, okay? -(laughter) 851 00:35:36,625 --> 00:35:38,750 It's always been Yvonne. 852 00:35:39,208 --> 00:35:42,291 -He drives Uber now. -(laughter) 853 00:35:42,375 --> 00:35:44,417 No, that's no shade. No shade. 854 00:35:44,500 --> 00:35:47,542 -I mean, one of us made it. -(laughter) 855 00:35:47,625 --> 00:35:49,542 That was shade. 856 00:35:49,625 --> 00:35:52,250 But he's, like, pimping me out. He's pimping me out 857 00:35:52,333 --> 00:35:53,583 to his passengers 858 00:35:53,667 --> 00:35:56,500 because I'll get DMs all the time. Like, 859 00:35:56,583 --> 00:35:59,083 "Hey Yvonne, I was just in an Uber with your uncle?" 860 00:35:59,166 --> 00:36:01,041 And I don't even-- I'm like, how does that even happen? 861 00:36:01,125 --> 00:36:03,333 How does that conversation even start? 862 00:36:03,417 --> 00:36:04,834 Like, I can see him in the car like, 863 00:36:04,917 --> 00:36:07,041 "Where are you going? Okay, okay. 864 00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:09,875 "Union Station. That's interesting. 865 00:36:10,417 --> 00:36:11,667 "You know, this is the same way 866 00:36:11,750 --> 00:36:13,250 "I would take to drop off my niece, 867 00:36:13,333 --> 00:36:15,709 -"Molly! -(laughter) 868 00:36:16,125 --> 00:36:17,917 "From 'Insecure'! Do you know it?" 869 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,792 -It's like, can we go and drive? -(laughter) 870 00:36:22,542 --> 00:36:24,125 But nah, I take regular Ubers. 871 00:36:24,208 --> 00:36:26,834 Like I told you. Don't let these HBO checks fool you. 872 00:36:26,917 --> 00:36:29,083 -I am frugal. -(laughter) 873 00:36:29,166 --> 00:36:30,667 I still take regular Ubers. 874 00:36:30,750 --> 00:36:32,917 Like, bump Uber Blacks? No. Just XL. 875 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,125 -One of you might give me a ride home later tonight. -(laughter) 876 00:36:36,208 --> 00:36:38,333 (laughs) 877 00:36:38,417 --> 00:36:41,041 But one of my funniest-- one of my funniest Uber experiences 878 00:36:41,125 --> 00:36:43,709 happened in Atlanta. It was an old-- 879 00:36:43,792 --> 00:36:45,250 -(lone cheer) -Alright, okay. 880 00:36:45,333 --> 00:36:47,125 Atlanta, calm down. There's two of you. 881 00:36:47,208 --> 00:36:49,333 -(laughter) -"Whoa!" 882 00:36:49,417 --> 00:36:51,083 Nobody asked. 883 00:36:51,166 --> 00:36:52,875 (laughter) 884 00:36:52,959 --> 00:36:55,625 But I got in an Uber with this old black man. 885 00:36:55,709 --> 00:36:56,875 One thing I have noticed is, like, 886 00:36:56,959 --> 00:36:58,750 old black men from the South... 887 00:36:58,834 --> 00:37:01,083 (singing): Don't care about your feelings. 888 00:37:01,166 --> 00:37:03,125 -(laughter) -They have no qualms 889 00:37:03,208 --> 00:37:04,875 with telling you exactly how they feel. 890 00:37:04,959 --> 00:37:08,625 So, I got in the car, and he was like, "Hey! 891 00:37:08,709 --> 00:37:11,333 "You-- you look like that girl from the show. 892 00:37:11,417 --> 00:37:12,625 "Oh my goodness. 893 00:37:12,709 --> 00:37:14,625 "You look just like the girl from the show. 894 00:37:14,709 --> 00:37:16,125 Just from the show." 895 00:37:16,208 --> 00:37:18,667 (laughter) 896 00:37:18,750 --> 00:37:21,166 And I was-- You know you have that split second of like, 897 00:37:21,250 --> 00:37:23,333 do I wanna engage today? 898 00:37:23,417 --> 00:37:25,959 -Let's have some fun. -(laughter) 899 00:37:26,041 --> 00:37:28,792 So, I was like, "I'm sorry, what-what show are you talking about?" 900 00:37:28,875 --> 00:37:31,750 "Um, what's it called? What's the name of that show? 901 00:37:31,834 --> 00:37:33,083 (laughter) 902 00:37:33,166 --> 00:37:35,792 "It's that-that Insecurity. Yeah, that's what it is. 903 00:37:35,875 --> 00:37:38,083 -Insecurity." -(laughter) 904 00:37:38,959 --> 00:37:41,166 I was like, "Oh yeah. You know, I... 905 00:37:41,250 --> 00:37:43,875 I've heard of it... What is, what is it about?" 906 00:37:43,959 --> 00:37:46,500 -"Oh, well, uh... -(laughter) 907 00:37:46,583 --> 00:37:50,208 "It's about these-these two black girls... 908 00:37:50,291 --> 00:37:52,458 who make bad decisions." 909 00:37:53,417 --> 00:37:54,834 (laughter) 910 00:37:54,917 --> 00:37:57,500 He's not wrong, okay? 911 00:37:57,583 --> 00:37:58,875 He's like, "Yeah, 912 00:37:58,959 --> 00:38:00,792 "because you got the one girl. You got the one girl. 913 00:38:00,875 --> 00:38:03,917 -You got the Isis. You got the Isis." -(laughter) 914 00:38:05,625 --> 00:38:09,208 I'm in the backseat texting Issa like, "He called you Isis, girl! 915 00:38:09,291 --> 00:38:13,208 -(laughter) -You know where Osama's at?" 916 00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:15,542 He's like, "Yeah, you got the Isis. 917 00:38:15,625 --> 00:38:17,375 "You know, she did what all black girls do. 918 00:38:17,458 --> 00:38:19,208 She go cheat on him, come back crying." 919 00:38:19,291 --> 00:38:21,917 -I was like... -(laughter) 920 00:38:25,208 --> 00:38:28,417 -Said, "Sir, I think you're projecting a little bit." -(laughter) 921 00:38:28,500 --> 00:38:31,083 Like, who hurt you, okay? Who hurt you? 922 00:38:31,166 --> 00:38:33,542 So, I was ready to, like, you know what? I don't wanna do this anymore. 923 00:38:33,625 --> 00:38:35,208 I'm about to put in my headphones. 924 00:38:35,291 --> 00:38:36,875 And then he was like, "You know, but she got this one friend." 925 00:38:36,959 --> 00:38:39,250 -Oh, hold on. -(laughter) 926 00:38:39,917 --> 00:38:41,166 Come again? 927 00:38:41,250 --> 00:38:43,250 He's like, "Yeah, you know, she got this one friend. 928 00:38:43,333 --> 00:38:45,041 "That Molly. Hoo. 929 00:38:45,125 --> 00:38:47,166 Molly with the body." Ooh, no. 930 00:38:47,250 --> 00:38:49,041 (laughter) 931 00:38:49,125 --> 00:38:51,709 I don't want it. I don't want it. 932 00:38:52,291 --> 00:38:53,917 Like, "Yeah, that Molly with the body. 933 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,041 Pretty young thing, too. She a pretty young thing." 934 00:38:56,125 --> 00:38:58,834 -I said, oh, you know, keep going. -(laughter) 935 00:38:59,208 --> 00:39:02,083 -"You know, but she dumb. -(laughter) 936 00:39:02,166 --> 00:39:03,792 Just dumb. So dumb." 937 00:39:03,875 --> 00:39:06,583 He said dumb so hard, I had to encourage myself in the Lord. 938 00:39:06,667 --> 00:39:07,750 (laughter) 939 00:39:07,834 --> 00:39:09,750 I was like, "Oh, he not talkin' about you. 940 00:39:09,834 --> 00:39:11,834 -(laughter) -"It's a character, okay? 941 00:39:11,917 --> 00:39:14,583 You is smart. You is kind..." 942 00:39:14,667 --> 00:39:18,333 -Audience: You is important! -(cheering) 943 00:39:19,834 --> 00:39:21,917 Announcer: Welcome Yvonne Orji. She came to us 944 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,250 all the way from Los Angeles. 945 00:39:24,333 --> 00:39:27,625 -What's poppin', Lagos? -(cheering) 946 00:39:27,709 --> 00:39:30,875 Yvonne: What's different coming back home on this side of fame, 947 00:39:30,959 --> 00:39:33,959 it's people knowing who you are, but also seeing 948 00:39:34,041 --> 00:39:36,166 - your name in a way. -Hello, sir. 949 00:39:36,250 --> 00:39:38,333 When I land at the airport, when I walk through 950 00:39:38,417 --> 00:39:40,041 the streets of Lagos, it's like, "Oh my God. 951 00:39:40,125 --> 00:39:42,834 -(honk) -You're Yvonne Orji." You know who, um, 952 00:39:42,917 --> 00:39:45,208 this one girl, what's her name, Yvonne Orji? 953 00:39:45,834 --> 00:39:46,625 Have you heard of her? 954 00:39:46,709 --> 00:39:48,709 (in English): 955 00:39:48,959 --> 00:39:50,333 Okay, okay. No shaking. 956 00:39:50,417 --> 00:39:52,375 If you saw her on the street, would you recognize her? 957 00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:53,792 (in English): 958 00:39:53,875 --> 00:39:55,083 Okay, what does she look like? 959 00:39:57,834 --> 00:39:59,709 -She's not that fat? Okay. -Yeah. 960 00:39:59,792 --> 00:40:01,917 (in English): 961 00:40:03,709 --> 00:40:05,500 Ah! She was chatting with you on Facebook? 962 00:40:06,041 --> 00:40:07,667 -You don't know her? At all? -(in English): 963 00:40:07,750 --> 00:40:10,542 At least he was honest. He don't know me. 964 00:40:11,250 --> 00:40:13,083 Oh man. But, I can't front, y'all. 965 00:40:13,166 --> 00:40:16,291 I am living my best black life right now. 966 00:40:16,375 --> 00:40:19,542 (cheering) 967 00:40:22,375 --> 00:40:23,875 Recently, I got a chance to do 968 00:40:23,959 --> 00:40:27,041 something I didn't really think I'd be able to do, y'all. I... 969 00:40:28,458 --> 00:40:29,667 I enrolled in autopay. 970 00:40:29,750 --> 00:40:32,917 (laughter, cheering) 971 00:40:35,458 --> 00:40:38,500 What are you doing?! What are you doing?! 972 00:40:38,583 --> 00:40:41,250 (cheering) 973 00:40:43,417 --> 00:40:45,792 What?! Lemme tell you right now. 974 00:40:45,875 --> 00:40:48,583 You got to be real confident in your finances... 975 00:40:48,667 --> 00:40:49,834 (laughter) 976 00:40:49,917 --> 00:40:51,875 to be like, "Hold up. You want your check when? 977 00:40:51,959 --> 00:40:54,083 On the 12th? Nigga, then take it then!" 978 00:40:54,166 --> 00:40:56,250 (cheering) 979 00:40:56,834 --> 00:40:59,250 (laughs) Hey, hey! 980 00:40:59,917 --> 00:41:02,583 It did not always used to be that way! 981 00:41:02,667 --> 00:41:04,458 I'm telling you. The years of struggle. 982 00:41:04,542 --> 00:41:06,083 I used to have team pep talks to myself. 983 00:41:06,166 --> 00:41:08,667 "Alright, everybody, huddle in, huddle in, huddle in. 984 00:41:08,750 --> 00:41:12,083 "Alright, it's Friday. Accounts is lookin' kinda low. Okay. 985 00:41:12,166 --> 00:41:15,291 -"We got $47 to make it through the weekend, alright? -(laughter) 986 00:41:15,375 --> 00:41:17,709 "So listen, here's what we're gonna do. It's Friday. Ahh... 987 00:41:17,792 --> 00:41:19,834 "We can go Chipotle, but no guac. 988 00:41:19,917 --> 00:41:23,250 "Okay? No guac. Get that out your mind. Um... 989 00:41:23,333 --> 00:41:24,875 "Ah, the way it's looking, 990 00:41:24,959 --> 00:41:27,834 you can put seven on pump 11. Alright, break on three. Boom!" 991 00:41:28,625 --> 00:41:31,542 You got it mapped out! You know how this is gonna end. 992 00:41:31,625 --> 00:41:33,792 You go to sleep, feeling good about your choices, 993 00:41:33,875 --> 00:41:36,333 your decisions. You forget 994 00:41:36,625 --> 00:41:39,500 that there was one, one payment pending. 995 00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:41,625 (audience ohhing) 996 00:41:41,709 --> 00:41:43,000 You go to sleep. 997 00:41:43,083 --> 00:41:45,750 You wake up to all these alerts. 998 00:41:45,834 --> 00:41:47,750 (laughter) 999 00:41:48,333 --> 00:41:51,750 -Negative 35? Negative... -(laughter) 1000 00:41:51,834 --> 00:41:53,417 You call the bank mad. "Hello? 1001 00:41:53,500 --> 00:41:55,083 (laughter) 1002 00:41:55,333 --> 00:41:57,333 "Nah, I don't know no Sprint! 1003 00:41:57,417 --> 00:41:58,417 (laughter) 1004 00:41:58,500 --> 00:42:01,500 I checked the box? Nigga, uncheck it then!" 1005 00:42:01,583 --> 00:42:02,875 (laughter) 1006 00:42:02,959 --> 00:42:04,583 These overdraft fees are 1007 00:42:04,667 --> 00:42:07,083 -the trick of the enemy. That's what they are. -(laughter) 1008 00:42:07,166 --> 00:42:09,875 It's not the will of God for my life. I rebuke them. 1009 00:42:10,333 --> 00:42:13,250 Anybody here, I rebuke the threat of overdraft fees. 1010 00:42:13,333 --> 00:42:15,375 (applause, cheering) 1011 00:42:15,458 --> 00:42:18,250 I release the freedom of autopay 1012 00:42:18,333 --> 00:42:20,750 for your children's children's children's children. 1013 00:42:20,834 --> 00:42:22,375 -(cheering) -Girl, you better receive! 1014 00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:24,917 -(applause) -You better... 1015 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,375 (laughing) 1016 00:42:26,917 --> 00:42:29,208 No, but it's real serious. It's funny 'cause you know 1017 00:42:29,291 --> 00:42:31,291 when you were dating before, you'd be like, 1018 00:42:31,375 --> 00:42:33,834 "You better find out what his credit score is, girl." 1019 00:42:33,917 --> 00:42:37,250 -Not me. I'm like, "I'm sorry. Are you on autopay or... -(laughter) 1020 00:42:37,333 --> 00:42:39,500 where are we in our life, okay?" 1021 00:42:40,667 --> 00:42:43,041 Yeah, I am single. I am single. Yes. 1022 00:42:43,125 --> 00:42:45,125 (cheering) 1023 00:42:45,208 --> 00:42:47,583 Single and happy, I am... 1024 00:42:49,041 --> 00:42:51,500 (laughter) 1025 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,125 I'm so-- I'm so happy. Oh my God, I'm so... 1026 00:42:55,208 --> 00:42:57,166 (nervous laugh) I'm so ha... 1027 00:42:58,291 --> 00:42:59,917 So happy about it. 1028 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,291 (laughter) 1029 00:43:02,375 --> 00:43:03,792 This is how single I am. I... 1030 00:43:03,875 --> 00:43:06,834 I recently went to an event that was 1031 00:43:06,917 --> 00:43:08,417 put together by this organization called 1032 00:43:08,500 --> 00:43:11,500 -"The 100 Black Men." Anybody familiar? Yeah. -(lone clap) 1033 00:43:11,583 --> 00:43:15,375 Still couldn't find one. Don't clap. Still could not find one. 1034 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:17,750 Perhaps I should've asked the 100 white women 1035 00:43:17,834 --> 00:43:19,959 that they were all married to for some advice. 1036 00:43:20,041 --> 00:43:22,667 (audience ohhing) 1037 00:43:22,750 --> 00:43:25,166 No, no, no, that's not even a put-down. Seriously! 1038 00:43:25,250 --> 00:43:28,291 Kimberly, how can I, too, get a Darnell in my life? 1039 00:43:28,375 --> 00:43:29,792 (laughter) 1040 00:43:29,875 --> 00:43:32,041 Help me help me, okay? 1041 00:43:32,125 --> 00:43:34,959 -Each one, reach one. -(laughter) 1042 00:43:35,041 --> 00:43:37,333 And here's the thing. I found out that the hardest question 1043 00:43:37,417 --> 00:43:39,709 to ask a black man is this. 1044 00:43:39,792 --> 00:43:41,333 Ladies, you've all been there. 1045 00:43:41,417 --> 00:43:44,041 You might've just met him out on the streets, 1046 00:43:44,125 --> 00:43:46,083 out on the club, whatever. You vibing with a dude 1047 00:43:46,166 --> 00:43:48,834 at a house party. Whatever have you. 1048 00:43:48,917 --> 00:43:51,000 Okay? You're like, "Oh my God, you're so amazing. 1049 00:43:51,083 --> 00:43:54,166 "You're so dope, oh my God. And you work out. 1050 00:43:54,709 --> 00:43:55,750 (laughter) 1051 00:43:55,834 --> 00:43:57,959 "You read books. This is amazing, yeah. 1052 00:43:58,041 --> 00:44:00,792 "Yeah, yeah,, we should totally exchange information. But, 1053 00:44:00,875 --> 00:44:03,208 "this is such a silly question, but I have to ask. 1054 00:44:03,291 --> 00:44:05,667 "Are you, by chance, like, 1055 00:44:05,750 --> 00:44:07,959 -single?" -(laughter) 1056 00:44:09,166 --> 00:44:11,041 "Ahh... 1057 00:44:11,125 --> 00:44:14,291 (applause, laughter) 1058 00:44:17,792 --> 00:44:21,041 "Like, like, when you say single though... 1059 00:44:21,125 --> 00:44:22,375 (laughter) 1060 00:44:22,458 --> 00:44:24,458 "like, what you mean? 1061 00:44:24,542 --> 00:44:27,250 -Like, define single." -(laughter) 1062 00:44:27,333 --> 00:44:29,166 I had a dude look me in my eye, and he was like, 1063 00:44:29,250 --> 00:44:31,917 "I mean, I got somebody at home that care about me." 1064 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:35,417 (laughter, applause) 1065 00:44:35,875 --> 00:44:39,542 "Sir, so do I. I call her Mom. What are you talkin' about?" 1066 00:44:39,625 --> 00:44:41,083 Yes or no! 1067 00:44:41,166 --> 00:44:43,125 -(laughter) -And like, 1068 00:44:43,208 --> 00:44:45,917 Nigerians don't know how to take no for an answer. They don't... 1069 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:47,750 Listen, they don't know how to take no. 1070 00:44:47,834 --> 00:44:49,667 You meet a Nigerian at a club. They'll be like, 1071 00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:52,041 (in accent): "Oh, you are looking very sexy. You are look-- Ah, look at you. 1072 00:44:52,125 --> 00:44:54,917 -'You lookin' 'zexy.' -(laughter) 1073 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:56,667 So, do you have a boyfriend?" 1074 00:44:56,959 --> 00:44:58,917 "Oh, um, sir, um... 1075 00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,458 I-I actually do." "Uh-huh... 1076 00:45:01,542 --> 00:45:04,667 -"Well, where is he? Is he here? -(laughter) 1077 00:45:04,750 --> 00:45:07,875 "I don't see him. Obviously, he does not love you. 1078 00:45:07,959 --> 00:45:09,250 (laughter) 1079 00:45:09,333 --> 00:45:11,250 "He allowed you out of the house by yourself. 1080 00:45:11,333 --> 00:45:12,709 I'm just saying." 1081 00:45:13,542 --> 00:45:16,041 You're like, "No, sir, I'm-- I'm actually okay." 1082 00:45:16,125 --> 00:45:18,417 "Just give me one dance. Just give me one dance. 1083 00:45:18,500 --> 00:45:19,500 -(laughter) -"One dance. 1084 00:45:19,583 --> 00:45:21,500 Like Drake. Just give me one dance." 1085 00:45:21,583 --> 00:45:22,917 You're like, "Sir, you know what? 1086 00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:25,458 Actually, my feet hurts." "Your feet hurts? 1087 00:45:25,542 --> 00:45:28,291 No, let me look at it. I'm a doctor. No, let me look at it." 1088 00:45:28,375 --> 00:45:29,291 (sigh) 1089 00:45:29,375 --> 00:45:30,750 (laughter) 1090 00:45:30,834 --> 00:45:32,792 And there's so many rules now. I can't keep up. 1091 00:45:32,875 --> 00:45:35,041 There's so many. There's, like, so much dating etiquette. 1092 00:45:35,125 --> 00:45:37,375 I don't know what all the rules are because, apparently, ladies, 1093 00:45:37,458 --> 00:45:39,291 when you out on a date, on a first date, 1094 00:45:39,375 --> 00:45:41,959 you can't order more than the guy orders. 1095 00:45:42,041 --> 00:45:44,625 There is like-- She's like, "F that!" 1096 00:45:44,709 --> 00:45:46,083 (laughter) 1097 00:45:46,166 --> 00:45:49,417 Hungry, hungry hippo over here. "I order whatever I want!" 1098 00:45:50,333 --> 00:45:52,792 -"F"-- (laughs) -(laughter) 1099 00:45:52,875 --> 00:45:55,166 Apparently, there's like a salary cap. 1100 00:45:55,250 --> 00:45:57,917 You know, there's like a debt ceiling, you know, to what you can order, 1101 00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,125 so it just makes for awkward opportunities. 1102 00:46:00,208 --> 00:46:02,000 You're just, like, out on a date with a guy, you're like, 1103 00:46:02,083 --> 00:46:03,583 "So, what are you gonna order? 1104 00:46:03,667 --> 00:46:06,875 "The chicken marsala? What page is that on? 1105 00:46:06,959 --> 00:46:10,125 -(laughter) -Okay. 15, okay, let's see." 1106 00:46:10,542 --> 00:46:12,667 You're looking, you're like, 1107 00:46:12,750 --> 00:46:15,417 "How much? 13.50. 1108 00:46:16,375 --> 00:46:19,375 -Well, there goes that drink I was gonna get." -(laughter) 1109 00:46:19,458 --> 00:46:21,500 The waitress comes over, you all mad. She's like, 1110 00:46:21,583 --> 00:46:23,375 "Can I get your drink order?" 1111 00:46:23,458 --> 00:46:26,417 "Um... Can I please just get a water? 1112 00:46:26,500 --> 00:46:29,291 "With extra lemons and extra sugar? 1113 00:46:29,375 --> 00:46:30,750 (laughter) 1114 00:46:30,834 --> 00:46:32,625 "Nah, I don't want a lemonade. I know what I said. 1115 00:46:32,709 --> 00:46:35,458 -"I said I want a water... -(laughter) 1116 00:46:35,542 --> 00:46:36,667 with--" 1117 00:46:37,917 --> 00:46:40,250 And ladies, at the end of the night, we do the stupid thing. 1118 00:46:40,333 --> 00:46:42,625 We do the stupid thing when the bill comes. 1119 00:46:42,709 --> 00:46:44,542 We call it the fake reach. "Are you gonna..." 1120 00:46:44,625 --> 00:46:46,834 -(gibberish) -(laughter) 1121 00:46:46,917 --> 00:46:48,208 Fellas, lemme tell you right now. 1122 00:46:48,291 --> 00:46:50,208 (singing): We don't wanna help! 1123 00:46:50,291 --> 00:46:51,709 (laughter) 1124 00:46:51,792 --> 00:46:53,542 -No. No. -(applause) 1125 00:46:53,625 --> 00:46:55,542 We don't wanna-- We're not even speaking English. 1126 00:46:55,625 --> 00:46:56,917 We're like, "We're gonna tip?" 1127 00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,667 -(gibberish) -(laughter) 1128 00:47:00,500 --> 00:47:02,875 We're not reaching in our bags for anything but some Altoids 1129 00:47:02,959 --> 00:47:04,375 -we left in there, okay? -(laughter) 1130 00:47:04,458 --> 00:47:06,375 We're hoping that by the time we get here, you're like, 1131 00:47:06,458 --> 00:47:08,500 "Nah, I got it." Oh good. Okay, good. 1132 00:47:08,583 --> 00:47:10,875 -(laughter) -Just bring us back, okay? 1133 00:47:10,959 --> 00:47:13,000 This fool had me reaching so far and so long, 1134 00:47:13,083 --> 00:47:16,375 -I came back up with money. I was like... -(laughter) 1135 00:47:16,458 --> 00:47:19,083 He was like, "Oh, you wanna go half?" I said, "I wanna go home! 1136 00:47:19,166 --> 00:47:22,166 Get me outta here! What's wrong with you?" 1137 00:47:22,250 --> 00:47:23,333 (laughter) 1138 00:47:23,417 --> 00:47:26,667 No, the fake reach. We don't wanna do it... 1139 00:47:27,333 --> 00:47:30,083 And ladies, you know we can be trifling, too. 1140 00:47:30,166 --> 00:47:32,792 Let's be honest. Let's just-- She's like, 1141 00:47:32,875 --> 00:47:35,333 -"Ah, yeah, we can." -(laughter) 1142 00:47:35,417 --> 00:47:37,375 We can be trifling, too, because here's the thing. 1143 00:47:37,458 --> 00:47:40,834 When I was broke, I used to do this thing where I would go, um, 1144 00:47:40,917 --> 00:47:44,125 -on dates for food. -(laughter) 1145 00:47:44,208 --> 00:47:45,667 We've all done it, okay? 1146 00:47:45,917 --> 00:47:48,917 Some women get lonely, they make booty calls. 1147 00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,417 I got hungry, I made foodie calls, okay? 1148 00:47:51,500 --> 00:47:52,875 (laughter) 1149 00:47:52,959 --> 00:47:56,166 And fellas, if you're not quite sure how a foodie call goes, 1150 00:47:56,250 --> 00:47:58,000 you might be on one right now. 1151 00:47:58,083 --> 00:48:00,041 (laughter) 1152 00:48:00,125 --> 00:48:01,917 You're welcome! 1153 00:48:02,500 --> 00:48:05,083 It usually happens when you meet a girl, you think you vibing. 1154 00:48:05,166 --> 00:48:07,166 You're like, "Oh my gosh. She was mad cool." 1155 00:48:07,250 --> 00:48:09,667 Meanwhile, you don't know she talkin' to her friends in the group chat. 1156 00:48:09,750 --> 00:48:12,250 Like, "Jerome is such a bum. I would never, okay? 1157 00:48:12,333 --> 00:48:14,375 -(laughter) -"I would never. 1158 00:48:14,458 --> 00:48:16,792 Ever, ever, ever, would I, okay?" 1159 00:48:16,875 --> 00:48:18,041 (laughter) 1160 00:48:18,125 --> 00:48:22,125 Three to six months later, same girl goes home, 1161 00:48:22,500 --> 00:48:24,583 -and opens her fridge... -(laughter) 1162 00:48:25,125 --> 00:48:27,625 and all she got in there is some spotted bananas. 1163 00:48:27,709 --> 00:48:29,875 (laughter) 1164 00:48:31,083 --> 00:48:32,375 (sighs) 1165 00:48:32,709 --> 00:48:36,041 -"Lemme see what this fool talkin' about. -(laughter) 1166 00:48:36,667 --> 00:48:38,500 "Hello? 1167 00:48:38,583 --> 00:48:40,709 "Hey, Jerome! 1168 00:48:40,792 --> 00:48:42,917 "What's up? Yeah, it's me, Yvonne! 1169 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:46,291 -"Why you sound so surprised? -(laughter) 1170 00:48:46,375 --> 00:48:49,291 "Oh, you right. I did tell you never to call me again. 1171 00:48:49,792 --> 00:48:52,709 -"You know I be joking! Stop! -(laughter) 1172 00:48:52,792 --> 00:48:55,667 "That's what I do for a living. Um... 1173 00:48:55,750 --> 00:48:58,125 "So, I mean, did you still wanna grab a bite? 1174 00:48:59,041 --> 00:49:01,667 -"Yeah, the Cheesecake Factory. Yes. -(laughter) 1175 00:49:01,750 --> 00:49:03,542 "Like, tonight. Tonight. 1176 00:49:03,625 --> 00:49:05,875 "No, tonight would be amazing. Yes. 1177 00:49:05,959 --> 00:49:07,959 "No, I'll meet you there. You still can't know where I live. 1178 00:49:08,041 --> 00:49:09,917 -Okay, bye!" -(laughter) 1179 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:13,458 Fellas, that is a foodie call, okay? You're welcome. 1180 00:49:14,125 --> 00:49:17,166 But you know, I went on this date recently. 1181 00:49:17,250 --> 00:49:19,291 (sighs) And the guy, he was different. He was different. 1182 00:49:19,375 --> 00:49:21,166 His name was Hunter Walker. 1183 00:49:21,250 --> 00:49:24,125 And Hunter, Hunter was asking me questions that I-- 1184 00:49:24,208 --> 00:49:26,542 Like, he was asking me, like, amazing questions. He was like, 1185 00:49:26,625 --> 00:49:29,208 "Yvonne, you know, what kind of food do you like?" 1186 00:49:29,291 --> 00:49:31,458 I said, "(scoff) Well... 1187 00:49:32,291 --> 00:49:34,834 -"lobster. (clicks tongue) -(laughter) 1188 00:49:34,917 --> 00:49:37,291 And shrimp." 1189 00:49:37,667 --> 00:49:39,625 He was like, "Oh. Well, why don't you get 1190 00:49:39,709 --> 00:49:42,083 -the whole seafood platter?" -(audience ohhing) 1191 00:49:42,166 --> 00:49:44,709 "I'm sorry, seafood platter? What page is that on?" 1192 00:49:44,792 --> 00:49:46,875 (laughter) 1193 00:49:47,208 --> 00:49:48,542 And right then and there, y'all, 1194 00:49:48,625 --> 00:49:50,500 I already knew I'm not reaching for that thing tonight 1195 00:49:50,583 --> 00:49:52,333 because it don't even have a price. 1196 00:49:52,417 --> 00:49:55,709 -It just said "market value." -(laughter) 1197 00:49:55,792 --> 00:49:58,834 (applause, cheering) 1198 00:49:59,458 --> 00:50:02,458 Brother, I don't know what the value of the market is today, 1199 00:50:02,542 --> 00:50:05,834 -but I hope you got it! -(laughter) 1200 00:50:06,834 --> 00:50:07,917 (laugh) 1201 00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:09,750 And as the date was going on, I was like, 1202 00:50:09,834 --> 00:50:12,583 "This brother is so-- Oh my God, he's amazing!" 1203 00:50:12,667 --> 00:50:15,125 This man looked me in my eye, y'all, and he was like, 1204 00:50:15,208 --> 00:50:17,417 "Yvonne..." (sighs) Can't believe 1205 00:50:17,500 --> 00:50:20,709 he asked me the most "beautifulest" question in the world. 1206 00:50:20,792 --> 00:50:22,417 He said, "Yvonne, 1207 00:50:22,500 --> 00:50:24,250 would you like an appetizer?" 1208 00:50:24,333 --> 00:50:26,208 (laughter) 1209 00:50:26,291 --> 00:50:29,375 (applause) 1210 00:50:30,291 --> 00:50:31,375 (mouthing) 1211 00:50:32,250 --> 00:50:33,917 -Hallelujah! -(laughter) 1212 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,083 Would I like an appe-- Brother, do you know how long it's been 1213 00:50:36,166 --> 00:50:38,542 since I've seen the front of a menu? 1214 00:50:38,625 --> 00:50:41,041 -(laughter) -Like, these options are real? 1215 00:50:41,125 --> 00:50:43,125 Yes! I was like, ah! 1216 00:50:43,208 --> 00:50:45,417 So, the whole time, I'm waiting for the night to end. 1217 00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:47,083 I'm like, okay, lemme see how this goes. 1218 00:50:47,166 --> 00:50:48,458 'Cause I was looking around for the waitress. 1219 00:50:48,542 --> 00:50:50,125 He's like, "Yvonne, what are you doing?" 1220 00:50:50,208 --> 00:50:51,875 I was like, "Oh, I'm just trying to get 1221 00:50:51,959 --> 00:50:54,125 the waitress' attention for the bill." (scoffs) 1222 00:50:54,208 --> 00:50:55,291 "Yvonne, relax. 1223 00:50:55,375 --> 00:50:56,959 "I gave the waitress my credit card 1224 00:50:57,041 --> 00:50:59,083 "before we even sat down to eat. 1225 00:50:59,166 --> 00:51:02,333 (applause, cheering) 1226 00:51:03,959 --> 00:51:06,667 It's already been paid for." 1227 00:51:08,500 --> 00:51:11,583 (laughter) 1228 00:51:13,166 --> 00:51:15,250 I'm sorry. I think I'm lactating. 1229 00:51:15,333 --> 00:51:17,667 (laughter) 1230 00:51:17,750 --> 00:51:19,917 Pretty sure I'm having your babies right now. 1231 00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:21,542 (laughter) 1232 00:51:22,208 --> 00:51:24,166 But then at the end of the night, I'm like, "So, 1233 00:51:24,250 --> 00:51:27,792 "this is a silly question, but I gotta ask. 1234 00:51:28,458 --> 00:51:31,625 Are you, by chance, single?" 1235 00:51:33,542 --> 00:51:34,667 "Ahh..." 1236 00:51:34,750 --> 00:51:37,375 (laughter) 1237 00:51:37,458 --> 00:51:40,417 Not you, too! Dang it. 1238 00:51:41,792 --> 00:51:43,583 And ladies, I know we are all out here 1239 00:51:43,667 --> 00:51:44,917 making our vision boards. 1240 00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:48,083 (laughter) 1241 00:51:49,959 --> 00:51:53,583 Y'all out here patchwork quilting your man, 1242 00:51:53,667 --> 00:51:56,125 like he's a Build-A-Bear. 1243 00:51:56,208 --> 00:51:58,333 -Build-A-Nigga. -(laughter) 1244 00:51:58,417 --> 00:52:01,125 Listen, standards are yours to set, as high or as low as you want. 1245 00:52:01,208 --> 00:52:03,625 Your st-- I hate when people are like, "Your standards are high." 1246 00:52:03,709 --> 00:52:05,834 Nope, you just can't meet them. That's what that is. 1247 00:52:05,917 --> 00:52:08,041 (cheering) 1248 00:52:08,125 --> 00:52:10,291 My priorities though have shifted. Like, I still want 1249 00:52:10,375 --> 00:52:12,125 a fine man, but like, oof. 1250 00:52:12,208 --> 00:52:15,417 I need you to be, like, in therapy, love God, and read books. 1251 00:52:15,500 --> 00:52:18,041 -You know? -(applause) 1252 00:52:18,125 --> 00:52:19,917 I need that 'cause I can't be 1253 00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:21,709 the only one doin' the work in the relationship. 1254 00:52:21,792 --> 00:52:23,500 I can't be unpacking my trauma, 1255 00:52:23,583 --> 00:52:27,500 and then your issues spring up for no reason 'cause it's you. Um... 1256 00:52:27,583 --> 00:52:30,667 (laughter) 1257 00:52:32,125 --> 00:52:34,041 And then you gotta read books, bro, 1258 00:52:34,125 --> 00:52:36,291 because I need somebody that's smart, you know what I mean? 1259 00:52:36,375 --> 00:52:39,333 Somebody that can, like, conjugate a verb is sexy. 1260 00:52:39,417 --> 00:52:42,542 You know what I'm sayin'? Know how not to use a comma splice. 1261 00:52:42,625 --> 00:52:44,208 -What? -(laughter) 1262 00:52:44,291 --> 00:52:46,208 Also, you know why the caged bird sings? Well, nigga, 1263 00:52:46,291 --> 00:52:49,375 -sing me a song and set me free then, okay? -(laughter) 1264 00:52:49,458 --> 00:52:51,500 That's beautiful to me 1265 00:52:51,583 --> 00:52:53,375 'cause the reality is, like, cute is cute, you know, 1266 00:52:53,458 --> 00:52:55,875 but you can cover up stuff that's not all the way, right? 1267 00:52:55,959 --> 00:52:57,250 You got messed-up teeth, 1268 00:52:57,333 --> 00:52:59,709 -Invisalign will help you fix that. -(laughter) 1269 00:52:59,792 --> 00:53:01,041 You can't cover up stupid. 1270 00:53:01,125 --> 00:53:02,917 'Cause stupid will show up on you, 1271 00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,166 and the problem is when stupid shows up, it's too late. 1272 00:53:05,250 --> 00:53:07,375 You in the car with seat belts on. Like, oh my God. 1273 00:53:07,458 --> 00:53:09,542 -(laughter) -Ah! 1274 00:53:10,375 --> 00:53:13,041 -(inaudible) -(laughter) 1275 00:53:13,834 --> 00:53:15,417 'Cause it got me. It got me. 1276 00:53:15,500 --> 00:53:17,917 I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. 1277 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,750 I went out on a date with this guy. 1278 00:53:19,834 --> 00:53:23,083 Went to a really nice restaurant, and they brought out 1279 00:53:23,166 --> 00:53:25,917 olives with almonds in olive oil. 1280 00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:27,792 So, olives, almonds, and olive oil. I was like, 1281 00:53:27,875 --> 00:53:30,667 "Oh, this is different. This is nice. Lemme see... 1282 00:53:31,500 --> 00:53:33,458 "That's cute. Okay, I like it. It's like a little crunch 1283 00:53:33,542 --> 00:53:35,291 -and a little salt. Okay." -(laughter) 1284 00:53:35,375 --> 00:53:37,709 So, I'm taking it to the head like, "Oh, this is good." 1285 00:53:37,792 --> 00:53:39,750 And I realized halfway through 1286 00:53:39,834 --> 00:53:42,208 he's not touching it. Like... 1287 00:53:42,291 --> 00:53:43,667 Here he goes. 1288 00:53:43,750 --> 00:53:45,792 "Ahh... Real talk, 1289 00:53:45,875 --> 00:53:48,458 I really don't rock with green grapes like that." 1290 00:53:48,542 --> 00:53:51,709 (laughter) 1291 00:53:53,709 --> 00:53:54,625 (mouthing) 1292 00:53:54,709 --> 00:53:57,375 (laughter) 1293 00:53:58,208 --> 00:54:01,250 How did you get here? 1294 00:54:01,333 --> 00:54:03,291 Nobody's supposed... 1295 00:54:03,375 --> 00:54:06,291 -Audience: To be here! -(applause) 1296 00:54:06,375 --> 00:54:08,959 -Can't cover up stupid. -(laughter) 1297 00:54:09,041 --> 00:54:12,041 -So, just edit your vision boards. -(laughter) 1298 00:54:13,208 --> 00:54:14,959 But I feel like right now, my parents are desperate. 1299 00:54:15,041 --> 00:54:17,417 They are really desperate to get me married off. Like, 1300 00:54:17,500 --> 00:54:19,375 the first nigga show up at my house with a goat 1301 00:54:19,458 --> 00:54:22,250 -might be the right one. I don't know. -(laughter) 1302 00:54:23,500 --> 00:54:25,959 Mom: We pray about it that someday... 1303 00:54:26,250 --> 00:54:28,792 -The right person will come. -...the right person will come. 1304 00:54:28,875 --> 00:54:31,792 She's been a good kid from beginning 1305 00:54:31,875 --> 00:54:33,291 and all through her life. 1306 00:54:33,375 --> 00:54:34,959 She has not come into the house with... 1307 00:54:35,083 --> 00:54:37,917 -...this man today, this one tomorrow. -The wrong person. Yeah. 1308 00:54:37,959 --> 00:54:40,583 -We have not seen her-- -So, we're praying for her. 1309 00:54:40,667 --> 00:54:42,875 We know it's gonna happen. 1310 00:54:43,166 --> 00:54:44,750 Yes. 1311 00:54:46,792 --> 00:54:50,166 -Is that papa's meeting house? -Yes, that's papa's meeting house. 1312 00:54:53,041 --> 00:54:55,959 -Wow. Look at all the old (indistinct). -Yes. 1313 00:54:56,208 --> 00:54:58,834 So, there's seven high chiefs. 1314 00:54:58,917 --> 00:55:00,500 -Yes. Yes. -High kings... 1315 00:55:00,542 --> 00:55:02,500 -...and Papa was one of them. -One of them, yes. 1316 00:55:02,792 --> 00:55:04,500 When you... 1317 00:55:04,625 --> 00:55:06,000 -...getting married, -Oh God. 1318 00:55:06,083 --> 00:55:09,500 this is where we do the traditional rites. 1319 00:55:09,542 --> 00:55:11,834 -(laugh) Uh-huh. -We'll bless you... 1320 00:55:11,917 --> 00:55:13,834 This is where you negotiate my bride price. 1321 00:55:13,959 --> 00:55:16,667 Yes, this where we negotiate the bride price with my cousins. 1322 00:55:16,792 --> 00:55:19,834 So, about how much do you think it will start at, Daddy? 1323 00:55:19,959 --> 00:55:22,667 What's my bride price? What's the base level? 1324 00:55:22,750 --> 00:55:25,041 I might say I need $10 million. 1325 00:55:25,125 --> 00:55:27,041 -10 million? The bride price is high. -Yes. 1326 00:55:27,125 --> 00:55:28,750 -And go higher still. Go higher. -Yes. 1327 00:55:28,834 --> 00:55:31,166 But by the end of the day, I might just take one dollar. 1328 00:55:31,250 --> 00:55:33,417 -(laugh) -(indistinct) Why one dollar? 1329 00:55:33,500 --> 00:55:36,166 -Am I a stripper? Am I a prostitute? -It's just symbolic. 1330 00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:38,041 -(laughing) -It's just symbolic. 1331 00:55:38,125 --> 00:55:40,250 -Yvonne: $10 million. -Yes, we will try 1332 00:55:40,333 --> 00:55:43,875 -to put it at $10 million. But at the end of the day... -(laughing) 1333 00:55:43,959 --> 00:55:47,083 -I know. -...I know how much I will take from them. 1334 00:55:48,792 --> 00:55:50,875 Yvonne: This is the only dating advice my dad ever gave me. 1335 00:55:50,959 --> 00:55:54,458 He was like, "Yvonne, listen to me, and listen to me very well. 1336 00:55:54,542 --> 00:55:56,250 "You cannot date... 1337 00:55:56,333 --> 00:55:58,208 until you get married." 1338 00:55:58,291 --> 00:56:00,417 (laughter) 1339 00:56:01,959 --> 00:56:04,542 Okay, I guess it's working. I took his advice. 1340 00:56:04,625 --> 00:56:06,125 -(laughter) -Seriously, 1341 00:56:06,208 --> 00:56:08,208 it's the worst! Like, my mom-- 1342 00:56:08,291 --> 00:56:09,709 this is what my mom told me. 1343 00:56:09,792 --> 00:56:11,875 She said, "Yvonne, if I see you with a boy, 1344 00:56:11,959 --> 00:56:14,208 I will put pepper in your ahnoos!" 1345 00:56:14,291 --> 00:56:15,834 (laughter) 1346 00:56:15,917 --> 00:56:18,250 I didn't know what body part the "ahnoos" was. 1347 00:56:18,333 --> 00:56:21,083 -(laughter) -And I didn't wanna find out. I didn't wanna find out. 1348 00:56:21,166 --> 00:56:24,375 I was like, yeah, I think she means anus, but, you know... 1349 00:56:24,458 --> 00:56:26,500 Who's asking which question? 1350 00:56:26,583 --> 00:56:28,125 (laughter) 1351 00:56:28,208 --> 00:56:29,917 I couldn't even have boys calling my house. 1352 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:33,750 I could not. My dad would intercept all the phone calls. 1353 00:56:33,834 --> 00:56:36,000 I had a study partner named Ethan. 1354 00:56:36,083 --> 00:56:38,375 (sighs) Ethan called. He was like, "Hey, Mr. Orji. 1355 00:56:38,458 --> 00:56:40,083 I'd really love to talk to Yvonne." 1356 00:56:40,166 --> 00:56:43,583 -"What are the particulars... -(laughter) 1357 00:56:43,667 --> 00:56:45,750 of your conversations with my daughter?" 1358 00:56:45,834 --> 00:56:47,750 "Oh, I just wanna go over the algebra homework." 1359 00:56:47,834 --> 00:56:49,667 -"Algebra... -(laughter) 1360 00:56:49,750 --> 00:56:52,333 "Is that what you young people are calling it these days? 1361 00:56:52,417 --> 00:56:53,750 (laughter) 1362 00:56:53,834 --> 00:56:55,750 Okay, hold on." 1363 00:56:55,834 --> 00:56:58,291 I get on, me and Ethan are going like, "Yeah, no, no, no. 1364 00:56:58,375 --> 00:57:00,083 "I saw the angles, too, but I just didn't know 1365 00:57:00,166 --> 00:57:01,625 how to find the formula for--" 1366 00:57:01,709 --> 00:57:03,750 Suddenly, all I hear is this... 1367 00:57:03,834 --> 00:57:06,542 -(exhale) -(laughter) 1368 00:57:07,458 --> 00:57:09,333 -(exhale) -(laughter) 1369 00:57:09,417 --> 00:57:12,083 I'm like, "Ethan, are you okay?" "Yvonne, that's not me!" 1370 00:57:12,166 --> 00:57:13,625 (laughter) 1371 00:57:13,709 --> 00:57:16,625 -"That's weird." (exhales) -(laughter) 1372 00:57:16,709 --> 00:57:18,458 "Hold on. Dad? Dad?" 1373 00:57:18,542 --> 00:57:22,041 -"Oh, you thought I was going to hang up the phone? -(laughter) 1374 00:57:22,125 --> 00:57:24,583 -"In my own house? -(applause) 1375 00:57:24,667 --> 00:57:27,083 You're not serious." Like, my parents were so disciplined. 1376 00:57:27,166 --> 00:57:28,834 The problem is they ask me 1377 00:57:28,917 --> 00:57:31,792 the same questions as they did when I was younger. 1378 00:57:31,875 --> 00:57:34,917 My answers have not changed, but their responses have. 1379 00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:36,667 So when I was younger, they were like, "Yvonne, 1380 00:57:36,750 --> 00:57:38,792 are you dating anybody?" I'm like, 1381 00:57:38,875 --> 00:57:42,000 "No, Mom, I'm not." "Very good. (chuckles) 1382 00:57:42,083 --> 00:57:43,500 "This is our daughter. She reads. 1383 00:57:43,583 --> 00:57:46,458 -All she does is read for a living." -(laughter) 1384 00:57:46,542 --> 00:57:48,458 Now, at 36, my mom is like, "Yvonne, 1385 00:57:48,542 --> 00:57:51,458 "are you dating anybody at all?! Jesus Christ! 1386 00:57:51,542 --> 00:57:53,333 Anybody?!" 1387 00:57:53,417 --> 00:57:55,542 (laughter) 1388 00:57:55,625 --> 00:57:57,125 Like, "No, Mom." 1389 00:57:57,208 --> 00:57:59,000 "This girl has finished us. We should have left her 1390 00:57:59,083 --> 00:58:00,667 -"back in Nigeria. -(laughter) 1391 00:58:00,750 --> 00:58:02,583 What about your friend, Billy?" Like... 1392 00:58:02,667 --> 00:58:04,458 (laughter) 1393 00:58:04,542 --> 00:58:06,208 (applause) 1394 00:58:06,709 --> 00:58:09,208 (scoffs) I'm like, "Mom, you called him a vagabond." 1395 00:58:09,291 --> 00:58:11,750 -"That was so long ago! -(laughter) 1396 00:58:11,834 --> 00:58:14,834 Uh-uh! Call him and find out what he's up to!" 1397 00:58:14,917 --> 00:58:16,375 (laughter) 1398 00:58:16,458 --> 00:58:17,917 And my mom, 1399 00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:20,000 she leaves me voicemails all the time. 1400 00:58:20,083 --> 00:58:21,458 Like, "Yvonne, 1401 00:58:21,542 --> 00:58:24,000 this is your mother." I'm aware. 1402 00:58:24,083 --> 00:58:26,250 (laughter) 1403 00:58:27,792 --> 00:58:29,959 "I just wanted to let you know 1404 00:58:30,041 --> 00:58:33,375 -"that time waits for nobody. -(laughter) 1405 00:58:33,458 --> 00:58:37,041 "You are no longer a spring chicken. 1406 00:58:37,125 --> 00:58:39,834 -Happy birthday." -(laughter) 1407 00:58:39,917 --> 00:58:42,417 (applause) 1408 00:58:44,291 --> 00:58:47,083 -'Cause my dad joined Facebook, y'all. -(audience murmuring) 1409 00:58:47,166 --> 00:58:50,500 To socially network me. That's the problem, right? 1410 00:58:50,583 --> 00:58:53,291 And I knew it was him because I, you know... 1411 00:58:53,375 --> 00:58:55,041 I saw the friend request come in, and it had 1412 00:58:55,125 --> 00:58:57,083 -all his chief titles on it. -(laughter) 1413 00:58:57,166 --> 00:59:00,333 Was like, "Chief..." I was like, oh, nope. 1414 00:59:00,417 --> 00:59:03,375 -(laughter) -I did what any self-respecting child would do. 1415 00:59:03,458 --> 00:59:05,542 I ignored it. But at the time, 1416 00:59:05,625 --> 00:59:07,291 I didn't know my dad knew anything about Facebook, 1417 00:59:07,375 --> 00:59:09,625 so I was at their house in the kitchen, minding my business. 1418 00:59:09,709 --> 00:59:13,458 Here comes my dad down the stairs. He's like, "Heh, 1419 00:59:13,542 --> 00:59:16,250 "this is a very interesting sight. 1420 00:59:16,333 --> 00:59:17,875 (laughter) 1421 00:59:17,959 --> 00:59:20,000 "So, you think that you will ignore 1422 00:59:20,083 --> 00:59:22,208 "my request for friendship? 1423 00:59:22,291 --> 00:59:23,709 (laughter) 1424 00:59:23,792 --> 00:59:25,875 "On this, your face, your book. 1425 00:59:25,959 --> 00:59:27,750 (laughter) 1426 00:59:27,834 --> 00:59:30,417 "And continue to eat from my fridge? 1427 00:59:30,500 --> 00:59:32,667 (laughter) 1428 00:59:33,834 --> 00:59:35,917 "Like two coconuts 1429 00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:38,542 "growing on a mango tree, 1430 00:59:38,834 --> 00:59:41,333 something is not right." (mouthing) 1431 00:59:41,417 --> 00:59:44,667 -(laughter) -What are these proverbs, bro? 1432 00:59:46,667 --> 00:59:49,375 So, I had to accept it. I had to accept it. And now, 1433 00:59:49,458 --> 00:59:52,583 he's taking every picture I've ever taken in my life, 1434 00:59:52,875 --> 00:59:55,834 -he's tagging me on it. -(audience ohhing) 1435 00:59:55,917 --> 00:59:58,625 He's like, "This is my daughter. 1436 00:59:58,709 --> 01:00:01,333 -"She is ripe for marriage. -(laughter) 1437 01:00:01,417 --> 01:00:03,959 "Inbox me for more information. 1438 01:00:04,041 --> 01:00:05,667 (laughter) 1439 01:00:05,750 --> 01:00:08,917 Her ovulation days are--" I was like, what the heck? 1440 01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:10,375 -(laughter) -I was like, 1441 01:00:10,458 --> 01:00:13,583 "Dad, did you just call me ripe on the worldwide web?" 1442 01:00:13,667 --> 01:00:16,542 But when you're 36, you know, your feelings are a little different. 1443 01:00:16,625 --> 01:00:18,750 Like, "Hey, Dad, did anybody... 1444 01:00:18,834 --> 01:00:20,625 (laughter) 1445 01:00:20,709 --> 01:00:23,709 "What these messages lookin' like though? 1446 01:00:23,792 --> 01:00:26,709 -(laughter) -The people wanna know." 1447 01:00:27,959 --> 01:00:29,375 But as desperate as my parents are, 1448 01:00:29,458 --> 01:00:31,500 I feel like they for sure would take some, like, 1449 01:00:31,583 --> 01:00:34,625 real unorthodox measures to get me married off. 1450 01:00:34,709 --> 01:00:36,208 Like for instance, I used to live 1451 01:00:36,291 --> 01:00:38,792 in the former kidnapping capital of Nigeria. It's a town called 1452 01:00:38,875 --> 01:00:41,625 -Port Harcourt. -(scattered applause) 1453 01:00:41,709 --> 01:00:44,834 -Yeah. She made it out. -(laughter) 1454 01:00:44,917 --> 01:00:47,041 (laughs) And it dawned on me, 1455 01:00:47,125 --> 01:00:49,291 I was like, man, this is crazy to think like this, 1456 01:00:49,375 --> 01:00:51,709 but God forbid I ever get kidnapped. 1457 01:00:51,792 --> 01:00:54,750 I just don't think my parents would ask the right questions. 1458 01:00:54,834 --> 01:00:56,709 -(laughter) -You know what I mean? 1459 01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:59,125 It's like I could see the kidnapper calling my house. 1460 01:00:59,583 --> 01:01:02,333 It's like, "Mr. Orji, we have your daughter." 1461 01:01:02,417 --> 01:01:03,709 (scoff) My dad, 1462 01:01:03,792 --> 01:01:06,834 -"What are the particulars of... -(laughter) 1463 01:01:06,917 --> 01:01:08,667 your conversations with my daughter?" 1464 01:01:08,750 --> 01:01:12,750 "Oh, I... I'm talking about her ransom." "Ransom. Ha, ha. 1465 01:01:12,834 --> 01:01:15,917 Is that what you young people are calling it these days?" 1466 01:01:16,792 --> 01:01:19,041 My mom over here. She's like, "Oh, no! 1467 01:01:19,125 --> 01:01:21,208 "No, Mister Kidnapper! You have my daughter. 1468 01:01:21,291 --> 01:01:23,166 "Not my only daughter, please! 1469 01:01:23,250 --> 01:01:26,542 Whatever the ransom is, I will pay it." 1470 01:01:26,625 --> 01:01:28,250 "Okay, okay, well... 1471 01:01:28,333 --> 01:01:31,166 the ransom is $1 million." 1472 01:01:31,250 --> 01:01:33,458 -"One million what? -(laughter) 1473 01:01:33,542 --> 01:01:35,667 "Ha! Mister Kidnapper, me? 1474 01:01:35,750 --> 01:01:37,959 -"A whole me? -Audience: A whole me? 1475 01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:42,208 At that price, you can come and kidnap me, too." 1476 01:01:42,291 --> 01:01:44,250 (laughter and applause) 1477 01:01:45,166 --> 01:01:48,709 So now, they start haggling. He's like, "Okay, okay, okay. 1478 01:01:48,792 --> 01:01:51,041 How much do you want to pay?" 1479 01:01:51,125 --> 01:01:52,875 My mom, "For you... 1480 01:01:52,959 --> 01:01:54,792 -(muttering) -(laughter) 1481 01:01:54,875 --> 01:01:57,000 "Okay, my daughter, she's not marri-- 1482 01:01:57,250 --> 01:02:00,000 "Hold on, wait, Mister Kidnapper, what is that your name? 1483 01:02:00,583 --> 01:02:02,875 "Obina. Obina. That's a very nice name. Obina, 1484 01:02:02,959 --> 01:02:06,291 -"what kind of grades did you make in school? -(laughter) 1485 01:02:06,792 --> 01:02:08,917 "Oh, you studied engineering? 1486 01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:12,333 "But kidnapping is how you pay your student loans. I understand. 1487 01:02:12,417 --> 01:02:14,583 -(laughter) -"Obina, are you, by chance, 1488 01:02:14,667 --> 01:02:16,709 -"married? -(laughter) 1489 01:02:16,792 --> 01:02:19,291 You are not?" (chuckles) 1490 01:02:19,375 --> 01:02:21,583 (singing): When Jesus saves us... 1491 01:02:21,667 --> 01:02:24,458 Nobody can say no. Ha! 1492 01:02:24,542 --> 01:02:26,417 (speaking): "Any children? No. 1493 01:02:26,500 --> 01:02:28,458 Please, yeah, put my daughter on the phone." 1494 01:02:28,542 --> 01:02:31,125 I get on the phone. I'm crying. "Mommy, I'm so scared--" 1495 01:02:31,208 --> 01:02:34,667 -"Yvonne, shut up your mouth! -(laughter) 1496 01:02:34,750 --> 01:02:37,000 "Don't you see? (sighs) 1497 01:02:37,083 --> 01:02:39,208 "What the devil... 1498 01:02:40,333 --> 01:02:41,792 "meant for your evil... 1499 01:02:41,875 --> 01:02:43,792 (cheering) 1500 01:02:43,875 --> 01:02:47,709 -"God has turned it around for your good! -(laughter) 1501 01:02:48,917 --> 01:02:52,625 "This Obina boy seems like a very nice young man. 1502 01:02:52,709 --> 01:02:55,625 "He has even set your price far above rubies. 1503 01:02:55,709 --> 01:02:57,792 -(laughter) -"One million dol-- 1504 01:02:57,875 --> 01:03:00,458 "Who else is asking that kind of bride price for you? 1505 01:03:00,542 --> 01:03:01,709 (laughter) 1506 01:03:01,792 --> 01:03:04,792 "So, just relax yourself. 1507 01:03:04,875 --> 01:03:07,417 "You are in your husband's place now. 1508 01:03:07,500 --> 01:03:10,041 (laughter, clapping) 1509 01:03:10,125 --> 01:03:13,250 "And finally, I can be happy... 1510 01:03:13,333 --> 01:03:14,667 -...for you." -Audience: For you. 1511 01:03:14,750 --> 01:03:17,250 DC, you've been amazing! God bless you! 1512 01:03:17,333 --> 01:03:21,000 -(cheering) -(hip-hop playing) 1513 01:03:21,083 --> 01:03:22,500 We did it, DC! 1514 01:03:22,583 --> 01:03:24,291 (cheering) 1515 01:03:28,625 --> 01:03:31,750 Interviewer: 1516 01:03:33,583 --> 01:03:36,542 (laughs) They said that? 1517 01:03:36,625 --> 01:03:39,000 Oh, well that's great. I'm-- you know what? 1518 01:03:39,083 --> 01:03:40,834 God bless it. I will continue then 1519 01:03:40,917 --> 01:03:43,250 to make fun of them onstage because they are... 1520 01:03:43,333 --> 01:03:44,917 (whispers): my money maker. 1521 01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:47,333 -First to five. You got it? You ready for this? -Mom: Uh-huh. 1522 01:03:47,417 --> 01:03:49,041 Go time. No more games, Mom. 1523 01:03:49,125 --> 01:03:50,542 -Mom: Go ahead. -Yvonne: I'm fortunate 1524 01:03:50,625 --> 01:03:52,375 to still have my mom and dad with me. 1525 01:03:52,458 --> 01:03:55,834 -Mom, that is not fair! You can't go under the net! -(laughing) 1526 01:03:55,917 --> 01:03:58,583 Yvonne: I hope it's a long, long time. But, for me, 1527 01:03:58,667 --> 01:04:00,333 these moments are special. 1528 01:04:00,417 --> 01:04:02,375 -Ha! Alright. -(clap) 1529 01:04:02,458 --> 01:04:05,750 I get to share them, and share their stories, 1530 01:04:05,834 --> 01:04:07,667 with not just myself, but with the world. 1531 01:04:07,750 --> 01:04:09,542 My mom's two brothers. 1532 01:04:09,625 --> 01:04:10,875 You see the resemblance. 1533 01:04:10,959 --> 01:04:13,208 They're not twins, but they are dressed like twins. 1534 01:04:13,291 --> 01:04:16,208 My big brother. This is the brother that's right before me. 1535 01:04:16,291 --> 01:04:17,709 He's a boxer. 1536 01:04:17,792 --> 01:04:19,583 -Molly! Molly! -Yvonne: Say it like you mean it! 1537 01:04:19,667 --> 01:04:21,500 -Molly! -Molly my girl! 1538 01:04:21,583 --> 01:04:23,792 I had no other choice but to be a tomboy. 1539 01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:26,792 -You all would throw me-- -We didn't know the difference between a girl and a boy, 1540 01:04:26,875 --> 01:04:29,041 so we... we treated her as one of us, 1541 01:04:29,125 --> 01:04:31,583 and that made her the tough... 1542 01:04:31,667 --> 01:04:34,583 girl she is today. The tough woman she is today. 1543 01:04:34,667 --> 01:04:36,959 You are going to climb... 1544 01:04:37,041 --> 01:04:39,417 -...on and on and on and on. -On and on and on. 1545 01:04:39,500 --> 01:04:40,625 Amen. 1546 01:04:40,709 --> 01:04:42,917 -I know it. I feel it in my heart. -Yes. 1547 01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:45,542 She's very proud of you now. Very, very proud. 1548 01:04:45,625 --> 01:04:49,041 -Yvonne: Thank you. I know. - And she loves you very, very much. 1549 01:04:49,125 --> 01:04:52,625 Yvonne: I'm calling the comedy special "Momma, I Made It" 1550 01:04:52,709 --> 01:04:56,000 'cause I used to host this comedy show in New York. 1551 01:04:56,750 --> 01:04:58,625 And I was broke. 1552 01:04:58,709 --> 01:05:01,125 And I remember just saying, you know, 1553 01:05:01,834 --> 01:05:04,625 all all of us want, who are chasing any dream, 1554 01:05:04,709 --> 01:05:07,291 want is to be able to make that phone call home. 1555 01:05:07,375 --> 01:05:09,333 Be like, "Momma, I did it! Momma, I made it!"