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(gentle music)
(somber music)
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You know, but I always try to do things my way.
I tried to do it without God's help.
I thought I could do it on my own,
but it seems like every time I took one step forward,
I would trip and end up taking two steps back.
But I was still determined that I was
gon' to do this thing my way.
You see, because I wanted my part of this thing
that they call the American dream.
You know what I'm talking about?
I'm talking about the cars, the clothes,
the house, or the bling and everything that went with it.
And I was gonna do it.
And I was gonna scratch my way up,
even if I had to do it with my own bare hands.
But every time I tried,
it seemed like these same two hands
would end up back in handcuffs.
And I would be back in the Cook County jail in
Chicago on my knees and crying out to God,
asking him to deliver me yet again.
(upbeat music)
I always knew I was gon' be a preacher when I was a little child,
I think, nine, 10 years old.
I had my own church in my mother's kitchen and my brother,
my little brother and my dog, Rex,
they were my two church members.
My brother wasn't all that happy about it.
He wanted to go outside and play,
but I was bigger than him. So I threatened him.
He had to sit there and listen to me
preach all the time every week.
But then what happened was,
I know that when I was about 16 years old,
I went home from school.
And I remember that even when I was younger,
I told my mother that I was gon' be a preacher and she
told me that I couldn't just decide that I
was gonna be a preacher.
She told me that God had to call me.
And so for the next few days,
I sat around the phone waiting for God to call.
But when I was 16 years old,
I remember I was on my way home from school and on
the bus and I kind of was
sitting there kind of dozing or whatever.
But I remember I just saw
myself preaching and preaching and preaching,
and it felt different that time.
And I was thinking that that was
God really calling me at that time.
And I talked with my father who was a preacher.
I talked to my pastor and I talked with
my aunt who was also a preacher.
And then that was when I decided,
and we all decided
that I should have go ahead on and preach my trial sermon.
I left the church because I was kind of disillusioned.
I was… I had a different opinion or
a set opinion of how I thought a preacher was supposed to be
and how church members was supposed to be and how church
itself was supposed to be and I wasn't seeing that.
In my opinion, the preachers
weren't as Holy as I thought they should
be and a lot of the church members were not
acting as Holy as I thought they should be.
I guess I was looking for
the perfect preacher or
the perfect church number or the perfect church.
I went from one denomination to
another thinking that one might be better than the other,
but I found out later on that there is no such thing as
a perfect preacher or a perfect church or perfect anything else.
There was only one perfect person in the world that was
Jesus and so the illusion that I had in my head,
that there just isn't any.
And so, but I discovered that afterwards,
after I had already left the church was that we were all flawed.
I was 20 years old,
it was shortly after I left the church,
I started drinking and started smoking
marijuana with some of my friends.
I was dropping a few pills from time to time,
reds, trees and that kind of thing.
And then one time a friend of mine came by with some drugs,
it was the street name of Duji.
I didn't know what at the time, but Duji was really heroin.
Several friends came by and it was on
a Friday evening and they had the Duji or heroin,
but they also had some other drug paraphernalia.
They had needles and makeshift syringes was,
and they were getting everything together.
And I asked what was going on,
and he said, well, we're going to shoot at this time.
I told him, well, just put mine a little bit over
there for me and I'll snort mine.
But then, my friend said,
“No, you don't understand,
we shooting ours and you're going to shoot yours too.”
And I didn't realize it at the time,
but BB and Ronnie had come up behind me.
And then they grabbed me and was holding me down.
When my friend Tadpole was coming toward me with the,
with the needle and the makeshift syringe.
And he said, I remember him saying, “sorry Bub,
but I know that this is the only way I could get
you to try it.” And by the way,
that was my nickname at the time, Bub.
And so when Tadpole started sticking a needle in my arm,
I was struggling and resistant and they said, “Hey man,
you need to quit struggling,
that needle’s going to break in your arm.”
And so I quit struggling, I just stopped.
And I was thinking to myself that, okay, when,
when this is over with,
I'm going to get my,
my gun and I'm gonna shoot all three of them.
But then when the heroin started going through my system,
it was a feeling of euphoria,
a feeling that I'd never felt before.
And that was the beginning of drug use.
On hard drugs anyway.
It was a feeling I'd never had before.
Heroin has you kind of mellowed out.
You are just laid back and relaxed
and it seems like nothing in the world is going on matters.
If you’re listening to music,
like I was always listening to jazz,
the music sounded better.
The saxophone that was being played, it sounded better.
The piano, whatever. All the music was just great.
You hear it differently when you were
high and you just mellowed out.
It was unlike any other drugs that I had ever, ever had.
Cocaine was like I said, it's the opposite.
Once you, when you finish shooting some cocaine,
you want to go back and get some more, right then.
A lot sometimes when,
when I even the first time that I shot
some cocaine for all the needle was still in my arm,
I used my other hand
to reached in my pocket to see how much money I had left,
so I can go back and get some more.
But that's the effect and the difference that cocaine has,
it's an instant, high,
it's a high that you really like feeling,
but you want to go back and get some more right away.
And then again and again, and that's why people,
some people will be on binges where they do
cocaine three or four days in a row,
just getting high all day and
all night for several days and several nights.
I shot both. I started off snorting heroin,
and then I went to shooting heroin.
And then when I started on cocaine,
I started, well, I started shooting cocaine.
That was when I was really into my drugs.
I remember back earlier when I was back in the service,
when I was back in the service,
I was snorting cocaine then.
But then when I started into
my heavy addiction and I was shooting cocaine,
matter of fact, some people even do what they call speed balling.
They mixed the whole cocaine and heroin together,
and they shoot it together because it gives
them the combined effect.
And that was one thing that I really loved to do was speed ball,
shooting the heroin and cocaine together.
(jazz music plays)
After thinking back on things,
there was an emptiness there that I didn't realize at the time,
but there was an emptiness, I guess,
an emptiness or a void that I was trying to fill.
But mostly what I think was,
I was always chasing something.
I don't know what it was.
A lot of addicts love chasing
something and they don't know what it is.
And the best way to describe it is when I was in prison.
I had a recurring dream and that dream and in that dream,
I would be just about to shoot some drugs,
heroin, or cocaine or both.
And I have the tie or belt or whatever,
tied around my arm and I was just about to stick
the needle into my arm and I would
wake up and this happened again,
and again, and again,
night after night, you know,
two or three, sometimes two or three nights a week.
I would have that same dream,
and one time, it went even further,
I got the needle into my arm,
as I was about to push the plunger, I wake up.
I woke up and I was wondering, “Okay, what is up with this?”
I said, “Lord, at least let me fill it at one time,
you know?” But anyway,
but that's a way of describing what you are chasing.
You don't know what you're chasing,
but you're chasing something and the thing is,
you never catch it, you never achieve it.
And so you get more drugs,
still chasing whatever that was.
And what I think, you know,
looking back on stuff when I was thinking is
that I didn't realize
it at the time and a lot of addicts don't realize it,
but they were really chasing his death.
Not saying that they want to die, they’re trying to die.
But if they keep chasing what is staying away from them,
what is one step ahead of them, is death.
But it's still chasing it.
And the problem is, the bad thing is,
now too many of our people are catching up with him.
They're no longer just chasing them.
They caught him, and now they're dead.
(soft piano music)
About two weeks ago,
I left the ministry, slacking a little bit in
my persistence towards God,
when I was afraid, you know what I'm saying?
I started taking my eyes off Him,
and started putting it all about me.
It was all about me, you know?
So anyway, I felt bad.
You know, when I left,
I went out and used.
I only been out a week. You know what I mean?
I came back. You know what I mean?
Came back to my senses and what
I wanted to give God the glory for when I was out there.
I mean, it's just like people say,
once you leave the drug alone
and then you go back to it, it gets worse.
3:45 in the morning pitch dark,
money in my pocket,
over 300 and something dollars in my pocket. I'm out walking.
I'm like, I'm like,
every now and then a car will pass and I'm like,
thinking to myself, “Oh God, help me God.
Oh Lord God, please don't let nobody
pull up and blow my head off or
please don’t have somebody pull up and try to rob me.” You know,
that’s just how much God loves me.
You know what I'm saying? Today because,
there's been situations like that where you heard about
it on the news or whatever you want to say.
Things like that happen to people.
All my life, I always felt God's hand on me.
So since I been back,
I been taking my eyes off myself.
You know what I'm saying?
Just coming to the Lord faithfully.
You just take one day at a time.
I knew I was in too deep when I started
doing things that I really said, I would never do,
I started stealing from the church,
particularly, my father and my aunt's church.
I stole my father's tithe envelope
that he had dropped off at my aunts,
they put in an offering the next day.
I was what they call fiending and,
you know, I needed some drugs right then,
so I took the money out of
my father's tithe envelope
and I went and bought the drugs with it.
I was running… I found the checkbook,
the church's checkbook and I was writing checks to myself from the
church’s checkbook and I was signing fictitious names to them,
and so I was doing that,
and so that's when I meant when I said I was
stealing from the church.
And another thing that really hurt,
I know my family, my aunt was that,
okay... My aunt who really loved me,
there's pictures of her holding me when I was a baby and
I remember her taking me to, she was a nurse.
And by the way, she didn’t have any children,
she considered me her child,
and she loved me with her whole heart and
I stole so much stuff on her that they were prosperous,
but by the time I finished,
she couldn't even have her electric was turned off,
her gas was turned off and the telephone
was turned off because I stole all of her stuff.
She had taken me in after her husband had
passed to help her around the house,
and I was stealing her blind.
A lot of stuff that she had accumulated I was selling.
She had a couple of fur coats, I sold both of them.
I sold the coats and I remember she
was a pastor and one of our members had
passed and she couldn't even go to
the funeral because she didn't have a coat to wear,
I stole all of them.
Man, what have I become?
Auntie is gone now,
but that still bothers me.
I still, when I pray now,
ask God to forgive me for what I did to Auntie.
My father took a Greyhound bus from
Chicago all the way to Leavenworth to visit me.
When I was at the Cook County jail,
he visited me all the time.
And I didn't know the effect that I was having on
him until some years later cause I thought that,
okay, I'm not hurting anybody,
but myself and I was wrong about that.
I remember hearing when I was sent to
the penitentiary and I heard some time
later was the fact that how it affected
my father when he had to go to the jail to get my clothes,
because I was gone.
And what I heard was that the effect it had on him was
it was almost like him going to
a hospital or something to get my clothes, because I'm dead.
And that was the feeling that he had that,
I gotta get my son's clothes.
He's gone now.
And that had an effect on him that
I didn't realize til years later.
And even with my daughter,
when I was arrested,
I went to prison and I wrote her
a letter because the year
previous was the most time I had ever spent with her,
when she came to visit in Chicago and I was
able to be with her and my son.
But I wrote her that letter when I got
to the prison and she wrote me back, she said, “Dad,
why is the only time I hear from you is when you were in jail?”
And that affected me because I realized it was true.
She lives in Detroit with her mother and
other family members and I lived some of everywhere: Chicago,
Detroit, St. Louis, California.
I was always trying to stay a step
ahead of the police and the warrants that I had.
And so when I wrote her that and she wrote me back,
“Why is the only time you write me is when you’re in jail?”
That messed me up, because it was true.
And so when I'm in prisons,
talking to the men in prisons when I go,
and I share that story with them, let them know,
“No don't make the same mistake that I made.
The stuff you're doing is not just affecting you,
it's affecting your whole family,
your children, your little siblings,
your brothers or sisters.
You are hurting them more than
you think you are hurting them.” And so,
yeah, it was a real negative effect that I had on
my family and my friends, even to this day.
It was well over
$200,000 that I had spent during the time of my addiction,
and it might've been even closer to $300,000.
I had spent so much money on the drug.
And one thing that I did realize later in
my addiction was that even if I wanted a job or wanted to work,
I couldn't afford to work because there
was no job that was going to pay me enough to be
able to supply the drugs that I needed just to function.
And so, yeah, it costs a lot monetarily
and as far as relationships and even my freedom.
Yeah, drug addiction costs a lot.
Besides the heroin and cocaine,
and I was addicted to alcohol cigarettes,
sex, I think I was even addicted to crime.
It was just the rush sometimes
with some of the criminal activities that I was doing,
the con games that I was running,
especially when I was in California and in the Marines.
I got a high from that,
just being able to,
to talk people out of stuff.
All of the males in my family were alcoholics.
My father, my grandfather,
all my uncles, cousins,
they were all alcoholics.
My father was a heavy drinker and alcoholic.
I think the only thing that I saved him from that his call,
when God called him to the ministry.
And then God delivered him from that.
But I remember growing up as a child,
all I saw was alcoholism especially
from the male side of my family,
both sides of the family, my mother's side and my father's side.
First high I experienced was an aerosol can.
About seven years old,
and from there, everything took off.
Before junior high, I was probably
a stoned alcoholic, drug addict,
whatever you want to call it,
but it was never addressed because I was the fourth child.
I felt my mom played favoritism over all five of us.
And I'm okay with that, I was known as the black sheep,
so I continued on.
Before I was 16, I formed my own gang,
got into the streets and by now crack and
everything else was out there.
The first elicit drug I fell in love with was
the PCP and angel dust.
And from their on, I spiraled out of control.
Each time I disconnect from
people that's going to mean me some good,
I wind up going back.
If this is your first treatment,
spiritual whatever type of treatment.
Each time you go out,
you double your dose and you triple your pain.
This, this is crack cocaine
seized a few days ago by drug enforcement agents in a park,
just across the street from the White House.
It could easily have been heroin or
PCP it's as innocent looking as candy,
but it's turning our cities into
battle zones and it's murdering our children.
Let there be no mistake,
this stuff is poison.
We’re going to be approaching an area now,
a place where back in the day,
I first started smoking crack.
As a matter of fact, this is the first place
that I smoked crack at,
crack and also PCP,
what people call water.
It’s all boarded up now,
but that was the place where I first started
smoking crack and PCP,
what they call water.
The person, who I will not name,
he had several houses,
drug houses, in the St. Louis area.
But this is where he started.
Even when I was on my knees in the alley that night,
the alley looked something like this one.
On my hands and knees,
looking for a syringe and
a needle that I had thrown away hours earlier.
I’d thrown them away because I promised God
that I would never shoot drugs again.
But here I was in that alley on my hands and
knees looking for that syringe and that needle,
instead of being on my hands and my knees and asking God to
forgive me and to deliver me from this thing.
My marriage failed because I
chose drugs and the lifestyle that I was living over my family.
What I mean by that is that is,
it's the choices that you make.
You can choose to be with your family and do what you
can to be a father of your husband or whatever,
or you can choose to
do what you need to do in order to support your habit.
And if you, the habit that you have,
it's gonna cost you something.
As far as your relationship with folks,
take for instance, you
might have an appointment to go
somewhere to be somewhere at a certain time.
And you decide before you get ready to leave home, to get there,
you said, okay, I'm going to take a hit first before I go,
just take the edge off and I'll be good.
Okay with that hit, it leads to another hit.
And then that leads to take an another hit.
And that hit leads to taking another hit.
And the next thing you know,
you’ve been there getting high and doing
drugs instead of going and
doing what you supposed to be doing and now,
after taking hit, after hit, after hit,
now it's so late that it's too late to get there,
to do what you were supposed to been doing.
Whether it's supposed to be at one of
your kid's ball games or something,
or graduation of whatever,
instead of doing what you supposed to be doing,
you’re self-indulging, that's a choice
that you have made and then so your family suffers.
I remember a friend of mine,
a friend of mine whose mother
had passed, now she loved her mother.
Her mother had passed and she had had
gotten to the funeral home in plenty of time for the funeral.
Matter of fact, she was there for the visitation.
And sometimes during the visitation,
she decided to step outside,
and her and a friend of hers was sitting in
a car and they started to smoke some crack.
And they were sitting there,
getting high, smoking crack.
But the way crack is
one hit leads to another hit and then to another hit,
then to another hit.
And before they even realized that the funeral was halfway
over and they’re sitting outside in the parking lot,
smoking crack while their mother’s being funeralized inside.
And now, it's not because she didn't love her mother,
but the choice that she made was to start,
was to take that first hit.
And one hit led to another.
And so that's an example of choices that you
make that affects your family or it affects people around you.
And it would affect you later when you realized,
man, what was I thinking? What was I thinking?
Mom is in there being…
A funeral is going on and out, sitting on the car, getting high.
But by the time you realize that and
think about that, it's too late.
My daughter was graduating and I was supposed to be at
the graduation and I'm
out here getting high or trying to get some money.
Other stuff that's going on,
you made choices, it’s a bad choice.
And somewhere down the road,
that's going to eat that shoe and eat you up, and consume you.
I was trying to escape reality.
I lost so much by the decisions that I had made.
We all have dreams,
I had had dreams when I was,
I was a child growing up and then
I started achieving some of those dreams.
Like I said, at one point I was a functioning drug addict.
But even before I started using the drugs,
when I was preaching before,
I was a sought after teenage preacher around the Midwest.
That was gone. I was
a successful businessman in
the retail industry and retail management.
I messed that up. I was an upcoming politician in Chicago,
working for one of the first black United States Congressmen.
That was gone. I’d gotten a raise,
I made all the way up to Sergeant in one of the toughest,
most respected branches of the military that there is.
I messed that up.
God gave me chance and chance after chance,
and I was able to achieve this and that and I messed it up,
threw it all the way because of
some choices that I made and the addictions that I had.
And there was, and I was sitting,
I think back up, man,
I had it. I had it.
And then I would get so discouraged and
disgusted because I know those chances,
those opportunities, they’re never going to come
back. So what am I now?
Just a junkie. That's all I'm ever going to be.
Now, just another junkie who was steady
hurting folk and so you get so depressed off of that.
I heard people say that people do drugs for
two reasons: one is to feel good and another is not to feel.
When you first start shooting drugs or doing drugs,
you're doing it because it makes you feel good.
But later on, you're doing it because you don't want to feel.
You don't want to feel the pain that you caused to everybody.
You don't want to feel the disappointment that
you are having yourself and how you disappointed other folks.
You don't want to feel that. So you medicate,
you just keep doing more drugs and drug after drug,
because you don't want to feel.
I get a lot of people who call or
contact me because one of their loved ones,
their son or daughter or whoever is
strung out on drugs and they know how God delivered me from drugs,
so they want me to talk to them.
And I'm glad to do that.
But what people have to realize is that they're not,
if they're not ready to quit,
they're not going to listen to me because
they think that they got it under control.
They think they're using because they want to use.
You hear people say,
I can quit anytime I want to.
I'm just not ready to quit.
So until they realized that they are ready to
quit and what's going on, they will never quit.
But one thing that is good,
is that you're able to plant seed.
And so that's what I do sometimes I plant the seed.
Just like the Bible says, even about Christianity,
one person might plant a seed and the other one might water it,
but then God gives the increase.
If I plant a seed for someone and then something else
happens down the road to reinforce the seed that I planted,
in other words, they watered it.
And then so when time comes,
then when they start feeling like, okay,
this ain't what I signed up for,
maybe it's time for me to rethink this thing.
But sometimes it might be
kind of late because they've lost some stuff,
different people have rock bottoms.
For some it’s going to jail,
for some was a loss of a loved one,
for some it’s being homeless or whatever.
Different people have their own rock bottom,
but then when they get close to that bottom,
then it starts sinking in that,
okay, this is not what I want.
And it took a while for me to realize that myself.
Again, what started affecting me
was when I saw how I was affecting other folk,
but until I got ready to quit,
I don't care who came and talked to me
about what, I wasn't hearing it.
My cousin who's passed now,
I loved her, Rose.
She had tried to talk me cause
she had been on drugs before herself,
and God had delivered her,
so she was trying to help me.
But I wasn't trying to hear that at that time.
I just wanted her to just leave me alone, I know what I'm doing.
I’ll quit when I'm ready.
I remember early in my addiction,
I went to a drug house.
It was in Chicago
where they sold out of a window that led to an alley.
You tap on the window and you tell them what you want,
and then they get the bag or two or whatever you wanted.
I did that one night after getting off work.
And I was headed back to my car.
And then I saw someone coming up through a vacant lot.
And when I saw them,
I didn't know what it was.
Was it a police of what?
I dropped the bag when I realized what was going on,
because the person had a gun pointed at me and he said,
“Okay, give it up!”
And acted like I didn't know what he was talking about,
I said, “What you talking about, man?
What you talking about?” He said,
“Give me the dope.” And I started trying to play it off you know,
like I ain't got no dope,
they didn't have any, or whatever.
And he put gun closer to me and he said,
“Don't make me shoot you.
Give me the bag!” And so after hesitating and stuff,
as long as I could, I said, “Okay,
this dud looks like he’s going to shoot me.”
I dropped the bag on the ground.
And I was in, I was hoping
that at first he wouldn't see it cause I put my foot over it.
And so I was still trying to talk to
him and tell him that I don't have anything,
but when he cocked the gun,
“See, I told you I dropped it.
It’s right there.” I was hoping in my mind,
that he was going to reach down and
pick up the bag and when he did that,
I was going to kick him in the head.
He didn't do that, he told me to get him a car.
And I said, “Okay.” And so I had another plan.
I was going to get in the car
and then I was going to run over him.
But when I got in the car and by the time I looked up,
he had vanished into the dark.
I drove around looking for him.
I know that sounds crazy, he got a gun.
I ain't got no gun,
but I was driving around looking for him over a $10 bag of heroin.
That's one of the dangers that you have,
and that wasn't the only time that I faced stick-ups.
There’s been several times,
but that's one that stands out in my mind.
So there are a lot of ways that you can,
that you’re risk in your life when you,
when you are doing drugs.
One is overdosing.
The other one is just being robbed or
shot or getting killed in a drug situation.
My father was never able to see me,
the new me or the real me, or the delivered me.
The one after Christ delivered me from my addiction.
My father never gave up on me.
He, as I stated earlier,
when I was going through all of this stuff,
my father was always with me.
A disappointment my dad really had was when I
was really getting to my worst one time.
And I got to my father's house and I knocked and rung the bell.
Dad lifted the curtain.
Normally when he’d lifted the curtain, he see me,
he swings the door open, “Here's my son!
Come on in here, boy.” You know,
but that time they had
lifted the curtain and was just looking at me.
He said, “What you want?” I said, “Dad,
it's me.” He said, “I know who you are.
What you want?” And I can tell then the dad was really, really,
really disappointed in me, but even then,
he couldn't hold it that alone.
Dad loved me.
And even though he didn't live to see the change in me,
I know it was because of the prayers that he
prayed constantly on my behalf,
was one of the reasons that I am who I am now.
He was trying to rid
the neighborhood of the drug activity and the drugs.
Dad was the kind of person he would,
he would go and talk to folks.
Everybody neighborhood knew who Reverend Barr
was and when people were,
the drugs was going on,
he'd go try to talk to him.
He was trying to get the drugs out of the neighborhood.
One Saturday, I remember dad had called me,
and we had talked for a while.
And then he said he was going to
the grocery store to get his groceries.
I asked him, did he want me to drive him to the store.
He said, “No, you know, that's how I get my exercise.”
And so we hung up.
A little bit later,
I was on my way to get some drugs.
I didn't drive, I took the bus cause I didn't want
auntie to know that I was
gone cause she would figure I was going to get drugs,
but anyway, I saw a crowd
that was gathered around
right there on the corner of where dad lived,
where I grew up from, grew up at.
I got back to the house and then later on,
someone came over and told me,
“Hey man, you better get over to the house.
Reverend Barr was just ran over.
Hit by a car. It don't look good.” And what had happened was,
witnesses say that when
dad was crossing the street with his groceries,
someone intentionally ran over him,
they pulled out like almost like you see on the movies and stuff,
they was sitting there one day across the street,
they pulled out and floored the car and ran over him.
He was in the hospital in a coma for
about three days before he
passed away but yeah, that's what happened.
People think it was some of
the same drug dealers that dad was trying
to talk to and trying to get them to change their life.
I guess they felt like he was interfering with their business,
and so they ran him down and killed him.
I was never the point where I didn't want to live anymore,
but I had gotten to the point where I knew that if I kept
going the way I was going and that the things that I was doing,
I could end up dying.
And the thing was, I didn't care.
Not that I didn't want to live,
but I didn't care if my died,
if that makes any sense.
When I was in Cook County jail in Chicago,
even though I was in jail,
I longed for a time to get out of that so I can get back to
my regular activities, of getting high.
But it was this one particular Sunday.
It was a prison ministry preacher that came through the jail.
His name was Reverend Jerry Hodges in Chicago.
I was standing there in the cell block,
in the outer area of the cell.
And he came up behind me and he said, “Hey, my brother.
Why don’t you to come on down to the Bible study?
God’s got a word for you.” And I went down to the,
I really didn't even care about going,
but I didn’t have nothing else better to do this.
I sat in the back of
the church service and when Reverend Hodges was talking,
he had said something that got my attention that was,
as I said before, I was wondering,
“How come I keep going to jail?” Like when you asked the question,
about how many times I’d been arrested and I was saying,
“Why I keep going to jail?” There was the time that I used to get
away with all this stuff now I'm getting arrested for everything.
Stuff that my friends were getting away with,
I'm going to jail for it.
Why I keep going to jail?
And he asked the question, no, he a statement.
He said, “I bet a lot of y'all wonder why you here in
this jail.” So I started listening.
He said, “The reason that a lot of y'all in
here is because when you were running in the street,
doing your thing, God couldn't get
your attention. You couldn't hear Him.
So sometimes what He does is,
He allows you to be put someplace to
slow you down so you can hear Him.
And he does that because He loves you.
And what you got to remember is that
no matter what you've done and no matter what you’ve become,
God still loves you.
And that was the beginning of our turnaround
because I had always thought that
I had done too much wrong for God to ever forgive me.
I'd hurt too many people.
I got too many people strung out on drugs.
Some of the women who were prostituting,
and I blamed that on myself because I got them strung out.
And now they are strong out and are
prostituting because I got them strung out.
It's a folk who had OD’d and died because I started them on drugs.
So I'd done too much wrong for God to forgive me.
Reverend Hodges said, “No matter what you've done,
God still loves you.”
That was the beginning of my turn around.
That's what did it. I surround
myself with people who hold me accountable.
Dr. Ronald Bobo, pastor of this church,
has been my pastor for 23,
25, 20 something years.
One of the people who holds me accountable.
He knows my life, he knows my story.
He knows everything about me.
He's the one who put me over the prison ministry.
It was sometimes that
I got weak and slipped for one reason or another.
Like when my mother passed and I was falling
into some stuff that
I was going to have me going back to that lifestyle,
and he had his arm around me.
Let me know that,
nah, you ain't got to do that.
I got you. And not just him,
other folk in the church here.
And so you got to surround yourself with people,
with positive people who got your back.
And they're not always going to tell you stuff you want to hear.
They'll tell you stuff you need to hear.
And you gotta be able to accept that and listen to it.
That's what keeps me going.
My pastor and my church for church,
family and my family as well.
My niece, Christine, my cousin, Patrice,
they, those kinds of people I need to be around.
Cause I was saying, when I left Chicago,
I left to get away from that lifestyle.
Growing up, I'd always heard my parents say,
“stay away from so-and-so.
Don't go around so-and-so.” I had gotten to be so-and-so.
What people were telling their children
to stay away from. “Stay away from Bub.
Let's stay away from Barr. Stay away from him.
You don't want to end up like him,
stay away from him.”
And I was that person that
everybody was telling the kids to stay away from.
And so when I decided,
no it's time for me to leave,
I knew that the only way was to get out of,
not just out of the neighborhood I had… I left Chicago.
I came to St. Louis.
The thing is, there’s drugs and St. Louis too.
So that wasn't gonna solve the problem,
just leaving St. Louis.
I had to leave the kind of people,
cause the same kind of people were here,
were in St. Louis, or Chicago rather.
But when I got here, I didn't seek them out.
And when that element came toward me now,
I didn't fall into that trap here.
Even before I got into church,
and when I got into church and Pastor Bobo heard
my testimony, people accepted me.
People expected to something from me.
My friend, Ron Cohen,
he was a professional drug counselor.
And it was sometimes, you know,
like when I started drinking, cause when my mother,
when I was going through that stuff with my mother,
I blamed my mother's death on myself.
And he held me accountable.
He taught and it was other folk from the church.
When I started straying away at one point,
I kind of disappeared and they wouldn't let me do that.
If they didn't see me in church after a few weeks,
they were in my house or they were calling me,
“Man, you all right?” Okay, that's what I'm talking about.
You’ve got to have people who care about you.
And I found that this is what worked for me.
You got to find what works for you.
So as the saying goes, “Different strokes for different folks.”
This is what worked for me. This was my stroke.
Whether you're talking
about in the 12 step movement or churches,
you don't not, you don't do this by yourself.
You always have people that are like-minded around you.
So you have support.
You have an accountability partner,
James five 16 says,
confess your faults one to another,
let yourself be open to somebody and say,
look, I'm struggling right now.
But let that person is not
somebody who's going to, co-sign your insanity,
but somebody who's going to support you and
strengthen you and tell you to hold on and pray for you.
For those people who are tempted to try it.
I would only say that the
devil… That getting out of
something always costs more than getting into something.
You know, certainly there are people who
can have a couple of drinks and stop.
There are people who can smoke one
joint or blunt or whatever the terminology is and stop.
But there's also people who,
once they start trying something they're
hooked and you don't know which one you are,
you won't know which one you are until it's too late.
The drug issues didn't come about until later on in life.
And when we first met each other,
I don't believe he was in drugs at all.
I believe it was after the 35 years of
not seeing each other and not communicating with each other,
that his life took a spin.
And when he told me about it,
I was a little taken aback
because I was like a little afraid at first,
but I started listening to him and I
did have true compassion for him.
I was… Before I left Chicago,
I remember was in November of 1991.
I was on my way to a drug house in Chicago when Sunday morning.
And I went in and bought a bag of heroin and a bag of cocaine.
It was a church across the street from the drug house.
Matter of fact, there were two churches
right there on that corner.
And I remember walking back past the church with drugs.
It was a little, it was drizzling then, light rain,
and it was a sermon that was being preached inside the church.
The door was open.
I don't know why, but I can hear parts of the sermon.
I can hear the sermon was being preached,
it was about a Prodigal Son, and the sermon,
it was getting to me.
I knew the story cause I had
preached that sermon myself several times,
you know, before I left the church.
And so, but anyway, it was different then.
And I sat there.
It was raining out and I had drugs in my hand, heroin and cocaine,
and I sat on the steps and listen to the sermon,
and it hit me.
And I was saying,
“Lord, I'm so sorry for the life that I’ve been living.
Please forgive me for the life I've
been living.” And I threw the drugs
away and I walked away from the drugs that never went,
well I can't say I never went back because
a month later I had relapsed.
But that was when I quit.
I remember I was telling you about Reverend Hodges.
This was in '85.
And I told you before about how sometimes someone
plants a seed and then later on, it’s watered.
Even though Reverend Hodges planted that seed back in 1985,
it wasn't till 1991.
When I was going through this,
this real backhand of my drug addiction,
that it really hit home.
And then it capped off by hearing
that sermon in the rain that Sunday morning.
And then that's what was when I decided,
no, I can't do this anymore, and so I quit.
I put my faith in God.
God is the one that delivered me
from the drugs in the first place, it wasn't me.
It was God who delivered me,
so I trust in him
to get me over any rough spots in life that I'm going through.
Again, it’s surrounding yourself with
people who will hold you accountable,
people who love you.
When I messed up, I slipped back the first time,
cause I was clean for maybe a month.
And I was thinking that I could
go and be around the same folks that I used to hang out with,
and it wouldn't affect me.
Not true. I remember when I was taking flute lessons,
when I was living in San Diego.
I was a jazz fan.
I wanted to play like Herbie Mann and
Hubert Laws and Yusef Lateef.
And I started taking flute lessons every Saturday.
After a couple of weeks of lessons,
I remember on one of Herbie Mann's albums,
it was pictures of him playing the flute.
And he's his hands,
his fingers were going way up and down, way up and down,
and so when I was taking that lesson,
I was doing the same thing.
My fingers are going to weigh up off of the keys,
and my teacher told me, you can't do that.
You gotta have your fingers right
on the keys and just play them like that,
but I was saying, “Now Herbie Mann…
I saw a picture of Herbie Mann,
now his fingers were way up off the thing!” He said, “No,
you have to have your fingers close.”
Now I wanted to do like Herbie man,
but like the thing was,
Herbie Mann been playing was playing flute for decades,
I was playing for a week or two.
So the point I'm trying to say is,
I couldn't do the same stuff he was doing
because he was experienced
at it and had been doing it for a while,
so he can let his fingers fly around.
I'm just starting this thing.
So it's the same thing with someone who is trying to be drug free,
what happened was, okay,
I've been clean for a month and I thought that I
can go around folk who were still using it,
and it won't affect me.
No, it don’t happened that way.
I can now, because I've been clean for decades,
but back then, I'd been clean for a week or two.
And so, no, surround yourself with folk
who are not living in that lifestyle,
you have a better chance of being successful in your recovery.
You know when you,
when you grew up in
the streets or been in the streets for so long,
that's what you know, and then to come out of that,
it's almost like a whole new world.
Like what, you know,
and then those old insecurities kick in.
And then we tried it to cope because we cope with drugs.
You know, that that was our coping mechanism, you know?
So whenever it costs, as long as we live,
it's going to be problems,
it's going to be disappointments.
It's going to be violence you know,
in the way we used to cope with it was to go in use.
You know, God gives us another alternative, a better alternative.
The 121st Psalm,
I remember when I was deep into my addiction, my father,
one day, he told me to read that scripture every day.
And I did, it was 121st Psalm.
I would lift up my eyes to the hills,
my help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.
And going on… and I remember every morning
before I would go to do anything,
my Bible was always on
the dresser and it was open to that scripture.
And I remember a couple of times there
was friends of mine who come up to my room,
we getting ready to shoot up and get high.
And they wanted to close the Bible.
No, don't touch the Bible,
leave that Bible open right there.
You know? Cause that was just a thing.
It was something my father… I felt like my father gave me that.
And so that's my scripture, 121st Psalm.
And I remember when I was in
the prison and I forgot which one I was in,
I think it was Centralia.
It was after I had,
it was after incidence with Reverend Hodges.
I was walking around the prison yard one day by myself and I was
praying and I heard the voice of God clearer,
or as clear as I've ever heard Him.
He said, just like I said,
Reverend Hodges into the prison to rescue you,
I'm going to send you back into
the prison to rescue my other children.
And at that time I wasn't preaching,
I was still in prison myself, but He said that.
And so I wouldn't feeling it,
cause I wouldn't even understanding
it because I wasn't a preacher.
I wasn't even back in church, for real.
I mean, not on the outside anyway,
but then that's what happened.
And being clean, I'm able to do stuff.
I'm able to help people.
I'm able to help other folks who are
going through the same stuff that I went through.
I can help them to get past their addictions.
I can give them advice.
A lot of times what people need when they come out of prison,
a lot of people are in jail,
in prisons because of drug addiction.
A lot of them were not really,
they're not bad people.
They did some dumb stuff because they were addicted.
And so if we can help them get past that point,
then we can help them do a lot of other things in life.
My biggest regret is
the hurt and the pain that I caused my family,
that I was always going to jail.
My family had so much hope for me, and I disappointed them.
At first, when I was doing criminal stuff,
I was… I called myself “Nickel Slick” you know.
I was able to talk folk out of stuff,
but when it came down toward the end,
the way that I used to make money by ripping off
other drug dealers and ripping off
banks and stores and doing all of that, and that was fine.
I got to a point where
I wasn't making money off of the dealers anymore.
I wasn't ripping off the banks
or the stores or the businesses and all of that anymore,
I was ripping off my people,
my family, the church,
my father's church, my aunt’s church.
And that was something that before,
a long time ago, would have been unacceptable.
I was no longer that slick talking con-man,
now I was just a drug addict,
a dope fiend who would steal anything from
anybody to support my habit.
And looking back on that,
that was the beginning of where I said,
“Okay, this has gone too far.” That was my rock bottom.
When I started… When I was stealing from family the way I was,
and I was hurting family the way I was,
that I couldn't… That was unacceptable to me.
I never stopped believing, stopped believing in God.
And I know that looking back on things,
that stuff that I thought that I was able to accomplish,
even during those times… Case in point,
when I was in prison, it
was a lot of guys that were getting messed over, messed up.
People getting shanked, people getting raped,
people… Stuff was happening in a folk,
but nothing ever happened to me.
And I thought it was because of the way I carried myself.
I thought I was carrying myself with an aura of, “Okay.
Don't mess with me.” But thinking back on it,
I realized it was God had his hand on me.
It wasn't how I carried myself or what I was doing.
It had nothing to do with that.
Nothing happened to me because God had his hand on me,
because it was guys that were bigger, tougher,
stronger than I was,
who was getting messed up,
but nothing happened to me,
and it wasn't because of me. It was because of God.
I was heard of last December, December 5th,
working for cellular city refuge,
South city over here and I attracted blood poisoning.
In the next 24 hours,
I was crushed by a 500 yard waste dumpster
and lacerated three fingers,
broke my shoulder, my knee,
my ankle and so on.
I wind up self-medicating while I was on the job,
going through rehab for
the injury and it was so gratifying to bring the new year in,
and I couldn't even wipe my own backside.
One hand was infected with
blood poisoning and other three fingers had been sawed off,
but you would think that was God's way of
telling me to slow down. I never did.
I walked away from my job with the city.
I walked away from a house,
a good woman who held me up and held me down,
but she didn't deserve what I gave her.
Each time, I would revisit those demons.
I would bring those demons into her life as well,
which she deserved better.
I don't miss anything about the life.
That was a life that I thought that I liked,
that I was enjoying while I was doing it,
but looking back on that,
there's nothing that I miss about that.
I do miss some of the people that I was associated with,
some of my friends at the time.
I think about some of them from time to time,
but I knew that if I really wanted to stay away from
that lifestyle and get away from the drugs and get away from that,
I had to separate myself from them.
And that's why I left and I stayed away from them.
And that whole lifestyle,
a lot of them I haven't seen for over 20 years.
My friend Red was first person I was arrested with,
they found him at a hotel room with his throat cut.
And then there was a Butch,
a friend of mine that I grew up with.
We used to get high together.
He overdosed.
They found him dead from a drug overdose.
My friend Fuzzy, Fuzzy was a long time friend,
and matter of fact, I'm the one that started him to
shoot heroin and cocaine.
Just like Tadpole started me, I started Fuzzy.
Tadpole was the first one who stuck a needle in my arm,
I was the first one who stuck a needle in Fuzzy's arm.
And I found out that I heard one day
that Fuzzy’s grandmother found him in his bedroom,
laying on the floor, dead with a needle in his arm.
That hurt a lot,
when I found out about my friend Fuzzy.
But that's the dangers of the drug life.
There are others that I've heard about.
They're doing quite well now,
one was my friend Tadpole,
as I said before, Tadpole was one of the
first to stick a needle in my arm.
We got high together for years,
and it was on one of my visits to
Chicago that I was talking to Tadpole,
and I was able to lead them to Christ.
Sometime later Tadpole gave up the drugs, even after 20,
30-something years of doing drugs,
he was delivered from that lifestyle.
And he was clean for well over 15 years before he passed.
He died last year,
I preached his funeral,
but at least I know
that he had better quality of life during all of that time.
I was arrested when… I went to jail one time and I said,
“Man, I am so tired of going to jail.
I'm tired of going to jail!” And then I said,
“I wonder how many times I've been locked up?” And I started
counting and I started counting and I started counting then,
when I got to 30, I stopped counting.
I got depressed when I got to 30 and I wasn't finished though,
I still had some others, I just quit counting.
And to answer your question,
I don't know how many times I’ve been arrested. I don’t know.
I know it was more than 30.
And I remember even now,
when I’m doing up the prison ministry,
it was one of the prisons that I
was putting an application to, to go do ministry.
And I fill out an application and then when they did
the background, check on me,
they called me in to see if they had
to deny my application because I
didn't list all of my arrests on the application.
I said, “I don't know of all my arrests.
Most of the time I was high when I got arrested,
I didn't even know I was arrested!
I don't know.” So to answer your question,
I've been arrested over 30 times.
I've been to prison three times,
twice I was sentenced and one was on a parole violation.
But when you asked how many times I've been arrested,
all I can say was more than 30.
God might tell you to go in a certain direction and you say,
“I don't know about that.” You know,
but you have to trust Him.
Example. When I was in the Marines, I played football.
The quarterback would call the play and
then I was supposed to be running down the field,
and I had blockers.
I had blockers who was supposed to be blocking for me.
But the play was I supposed to go to the right.
And when I get ready to go to the right,
I look up and I see all those folks over there,
I said, “Nah, I don't want to go that way.
That don't look good.” So I'm going the other way,
but the play was called for me to go to the right.
So all the blockers are set up to block on the right,
but I don't like what I'm seeing on the right.
It looks better down the left,
so I'm going to the left.
And that's what happened with us sometimes.
God has a plan for us
to go one way but we don't like what we see that way,
so now we want to, “No, I want to do that.
I'm going this way.” But you’ve got to trust
God that he knows what's happening.
He told you to go that way because he
knows what it was over there,
“Oh, that looks alright, right now.
But when you get over there,
then there's something over there
that you don't want to get involved in,
or you don't want happening.”
So trust God and go to where he told you to go.
Taking on a heroin addiction,
fentanyl addiction with a crack addiction and everything else.
I told a girl that I was getting high with, nothing sexual.
I told her she could leave.
Friend of mine gave me a loaded gun
and God would have
it my little brother opened up the door and he intervened.
Let me do what I did with
the drugs, finished the rest of the liquor,
the crack and heroin and fentanyl and tricked me into his truck.
Proceeded to go to St. Mary's.
He sat on the parking lot to see if I was gonna leave,
which after they took me to the back, I felt a calmness,
but I got, I guess I got out of control once I got back there.
And I told the lady,
if she let me… They let me out of her in the next 24 hours,
I was going to end my life.
And they transported me to DePaul Hospital.
And I was bound in a straitjacket for a day and a half,
on my knees, praying if I
got another chance that I would go somewhere.
Wasn't going to take my life and I wasn't going
back to that misery and that storm.
Some of the decisions I made took
me out of God's will at that point in time,
but never out of his reach.
I've been clean 86 days by the grace of God.
This is the longest I've been sober in five years.
Some of these guys, I love them.
Some of them I'm never going to see again,
but without any of these guys,
I probably wouldn't be where I'm at.
For those who were not able to beat their addictions,
there are one of several places that they may
end up: they’ll end up in prison,
or they will end up dead, an early death.
One thing my father used to say was
“Everything that feels good to you is not
good for you.” And that's the advice that you should,
that I would give to a 20 year old or just
cause the drug feels good,
the high feels good, or that the drink tastes good,
that don’t mean it’s good for you.
Later on down the road, you're going to pay for it.
A lot of times we think that everything is about us, but it's not.
It's about God, God is the one who delivered me.
That's why there's a lot of stuff that God
allowed me to go through because he saw the other side of it,
when I was going through it,
it was painful. I didn't like it.
I didn't like the outcome anyway,
but where I am now,
I'm able to walk in my purpose and to help folk.
And that's what God put me here for,
and yes, he gets all the praise,
honor and the glory because of what he has done through me.
Trying to try to stay clean,
is not as, it's not always as easy as someone thinks it is.
Sometimes you going to have relapses.
You have relapses, but like my
father… I heard him say one time, “Son,
if you slip and fall in the mud,
don't just lay there and wallow in it,
get up, clean yourself off and keep on stepping.
If you fall down again, get up again.
If you keep falling down,
keep getting up.” And that's the message I want to give
the folk who are trying to get clean up, stay clean.
Just because they relapse or fall back or something,
then don't give up,
you know, say, “Okay, I can't do this.”
No, just get up, clean yourself off and keep on stepping.
If you fall down again, get up again.
If you fall down again and get up again,
if you keep falling down, keep getting up.
Rock bottom was in December of '92.
I became homeless, living on the street,
going from shelter to shelter,
and so from 2003 to now,
I've been using the scriptures as my standard for living.
And I believe the Lord has let me
see recovery throughout the scripture.
So I've been, whether it was
in the meetings or in the churches I belong to,
I was always serving in one capacity or another.
Service to me is a tangible expression of your gratitude.
And one of the clichés that you'll hear,
if you stay around the 12 step movement,
is that a grateful addict will never use.
I got cleaned at the age of 45.
You know, at 45, I just felt that for the most part,
most of us have lived more than half of our lives
and just the fear of going back
out there kept me doing what I suppose to.
That's one of the things that kept me doing
what I was supposed to do.
And then, my lifestyle changed in terms of what I was doing,
who I did it with and where I did it,
the people, places and things.
So those are all key components of staying clean.
And then, of course you’re tempted.
That's when… Prayer works,
prayer works, prayer works.
Because the evil one will get you.
He's always after you,
but he'll jump on you when you least expect it.
And that's when you call on scripture,
that's when you call on the literature.
That's when you just hold on tight and say,
I'm not going to use today because,
the urge does subside the earth does a lessen.
The disease of addiction would have you
act on your urge immediately.
So if you can defer that,
then you can get it back under,
under arrest, as they say.
Sitting in a jail cells in the Cook County,
jail and in Leavenworth,
or at Centralia or in Joliet,
I never thought that a day like this would come.
But I thank God for how far He has brought me.
I hurt a lot of people.
I disappointed a lot of people.
There are consequences to
your decisions and one day sooner or later,
you gotta face the consequences to
every decision, every choice you make.
Because the Bible is full of stories of people who had messed up,
but God never gave up on them.
The heroes of the Bible,
Peter, Paul, even Jonah,
you know, who ran away from what God wanted them to do.
David, they've all done things that were contrary to God's will,
you know, but God still loved
them and God used them in a special way.
And a lot of the people that I know of,
not everyone have gone through some adversity.
And if you learn from that adversity,
no matter what it was,
whether it's jail or prison,
whether it was drugs, alcohol,
or whether it's some other form of addiction or whatever,
if you learn from that and you're able to reach others and to
help them recover from whatever it is that they're going through,
then you’ve done, in my opinion,
what you were supposed to do.
You see it's easy to
praise God when you up and things are going on, right?
But God wants to know if you will praise him when you down,
when things are not going right,
when you are hungry,
when you've gone through one situation or another,
he wants to know if he will still praise him,
even in that situation.
He wants to know that you will do what He wants you to do.
And then even in that situation,
we have to lift up our hands
and it is not going to be easy all the time,
it's not going to be easy.
God didn't promise us that things would be easy,
but He promised us that He would be
with us and He would hold us up.
He would hold our hands and He would carry us through.
You see, we can't do it on our own.
Every time I tried to do this thing on my own, I messed up.
But it wasn't until I put myself in God's hands,
that things got to be a little bit easier.
And He carried me through and at times still get rough sometimes,
but He was still carrying me.
I'm not doing this on my own.
And I'm telling whoever I'm talking to out here,
you can do it too if you trust God.
Stop trying to do it on your own, trust in God.
He is the one that can carry you across the finishing line.
You can't do it on your own.
You have to trust God and be with Him and be the man,
be the woman, be the child that God wants you to be.
And then my friends,
my brothers and my sister,
you will be successful and God will get the glory from your life.
I was thinking back on my life,
is there anything that I would have changed if I could?
And suddenly thinking about it,
the answer is no.
Even all heartache and pain that I went through,
I wouldn't change that.
The time I spent in jails and in prison, I wouldn't change that.
Not saying I enjoyed it,
cause I didn't, but I
wouldn't change it because all of that made me who I am now.
(crowd applauds)
Being who I am and all the stuff that I went through,
I'm able to be a blessing to some other folks.
People who I wouldn't be able to reach,
people who wouldn't listen to me unless they
realized that I've been to what they are going through.
Good.
When I go into the prison,
they know that when I talk,
I'm not just talking about
some stuff that I read in a book somewhere,
no, I'm talking about stuff that I lived.
And if I can make it, you can make it too.
God's no respecter of person.
He doesn’t like me or love me any more than He loves you.
Your testimony touch me, brother.
So did yours, and all of the ones I heard too.
Yours over there, North side.
Anytime you do drugs or something,
you are risking your life
because you never know whether you going to overdose.
You never know whether you're going to get murdered or killed.
When you're going in and out of drug house
after drug house or leaving from the drug house,
you never know what's going to happen.
So in reality, every time could be your last time.
Hi everyone. This is Deshaye,
and the question of the day is what does it take
to survive or overcome obstacles? Dream, drive and support.
So, first you think of what you want to do with your life,
and I know at our age, cause I'm 16.
And right now I know my dream is to become a great performer.
Fame’s not that important,
money’s not that important,
but I just want to become such a good performer that
I affect somebody with my talent,
change the world in some way, shape or form.
Even if it's just a little bit,
it’s the little bit that counts.
I was asked recently to put what I say to someone who,
who was going to do drugs that at night and then
ended up being their last time.
What would I say to them?
And I'm not arrogant enough to think
that what I can say would change the situation. I don't know.
I don't know what I can tell someone who doesn't know me,
not to do this or not
to keep taking changes chances with their life.
I would ask the person if I can pray with them.
Now you notice, I didn't say pray for them.
I said, pray with them.
And that is, and while I'm
praying is that I would pray for his or her safety and for him
or her to make good choices
and hopefully God will lead me to say
something in that prayer that they will hear,
and it will prick or touch their heart to
give them second thoughts about what they're about to do.
Because whatever I say… Nothing I
say that comes from me is going to help any situation.
I have to trust God that He will say something through me,
or give me something to say,
to reach that person or to change that person's mind,
or at least give them pause to say, “Huh?
Maybe I shouldn't do that tonight.” And then
trust God to do what He does.
Heavenly father, I thank you Lord for this time and
this time together and Lord,
the reason and the purpose for this documentary.
Lord, I pray Lord for all of those who
are going through addictions right now,
whether it's because of drugs or heroin
or cocaine or crack or prescription pills,
whatever the addiction is, marijuana.
Lord, please deliver them from their addictions.
I pray Lord that you will let something that they see here,
cause them pause to think,
to rethink what they are doing and let them know that,
okay, there's another way,
there's a better way.
They might be hurting for one reason
or another Lord, ease their pain.
They might be going through a difficult situation,
whatever it is Lord, see them through it,
and let them know Lord that they are
not just affecting their own lives,
they are affecting those who love them.
And Lord, I pray Lord for those people who are living with,
or who are related to people who are addicted.
I pray Lord that you will give them patience Lord,
that you will give them wisdom of what to do,
and what not to do, and what to say,
and what not to say, and they will not be
enablers for those who are addicted,
even though they won't enable them but they would still love them.
And let them know Lord that the person that is addicted,
know that their loved one really loves them
and that they really want to see and do what is best for them.
I just thank You for this time Lord,
I praise you and I bless You in Jesus holy name, Amen.
(soft piano music)
Burton Barr Junior.
(cheering and applause)
(upbeat music)
(crowd clapping)
That concludes our Honorary Doctorate of Divinity.
(crowd claps)
Will you please
join me in congratulating all of the graduates,
for the year 2019?
(crowd clapping)