1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:33,458 --> 00:00:37,375 Understand this: There is a price to pay for everything you do. 4 00:00:38,333 --> 00:00:42,166 You-- You cannot take things that I said and turn it around. 5 00:00:42,166 --> 00:00:46,542 And you were very sweet before, but you are not sweet anymore. 6 00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:48,125 Your anger, and your defensiveness, 7 00:00:48,125 --> 00:00:50,041 - and the volatility. - You cut your hair off. 8 00:00:50,041 --> 00:00:51,917 You throw yourself into it. You love people. 9 00:00:51,917 --> 00:00:54,417 - You started growing your Afro. - You get frustrated. 10 00:00:54,417 --> 00:00:57,041 - Loud, walking while Black. - These things aren't happening... 11 00:00:57,041 --> 00:00:58,667 I remember you waiting to go to school. 12 00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:00,041 That's wrong and dangerous. 13 00:01:00,041 --> 00:01:02,875 - You expect this of me... - I'll pass on that one. 14 00:01:02,875 --> 00:01:04,333 ...and to me, it was too much. 15 00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:05,709 I'll pass on that question. 16 00:01:05,709 --> 00:01:07,959 You never say anything wrong. You never do anything wrong. 17 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,667 You talk about how much I've done for you, 18 00:01:09,667 --> 00:01:12,041 - but you changed how I see things. - I'll pass on that question. 19 00:01:30,542 --> 00:01:33,000 You are now entering my universe. 20 00:01:36,417 --> 00:01:37,792 I am the lens. 21 00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:41,750 The subject. 22 00:01:44,667 --> 00:01:45,709 The authority. 23 00:01:54,959 --> 00:01:56,875 As a product of the New World, 24 00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:02,166 violence lives in my DNA. 25 00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:11,875 I carry an ancient pain that I struggle to understand. 26 00:02:15,417 --> 00:02:18,000 I use it to hurt those closest to me. 27 00:02:22,083 --> 00:02:26,500 Every one of us inherits the curses of our ancestors. 28 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:32,333 But we may put an end to this cycle 29 00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:37,542 by constantly going to war with ourselves. 30 00:02:41,583 --> 00:02:44,792 I'm watching the curses of my family slowly kill us. 31 00:02:48,041 --> 00:02:49,750 So I'm going to war. 32 00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:54,458 And there will be casualties. 33 00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:03,417 This cannot be our legacy. 34 00:04:01,917 --> 00:04:04,417 My parents fall in love in New York City. 35 00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:06,959 It's the 1970s. 36 00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:09,917 Mom, I don't know where the cherries are. 37 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,083 Go to the café. 38 00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:12,208 They sacrifice everything 39 00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:15,458 for us to be the poorest kids on Central Park West. 40 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,500 I share a room with my brother, Juancarlos, 41 00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,625 and my sister, Raquel. 42 00:04:24,709 --> 00:04:25,959 I am the youngest. 43 00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:28,709 So, I'm sorry. Like, I'm not gonna apologize because... 44 00:04:28,709 --> 00:04:30,709 Our parents sleep on the living room floor. 45 00:04:30,709 --> 00:04:33,041 Same shitty problem. Same shitty Washington. 46 00:04:33,041 --> 00:04:34,750 Why do you think it's happening in Washington? 47 00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,500 People don't compromise anymore. 48 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:38,291 They are infidel of their Christian faith. 49 00:04:38,291 --> 00:04:41,917 Absolutely to not be both, but to, like, be one and not-- 50 00:04:41,917 --> 00:04:43,834 Yes, Dr. Huntt. Sure. 51 00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:48,208 On Saturdays, Mommy makes fried fish and plantains. 52 00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:52,875 I stuff them in my panties to throw them down the toilet when no one's looking. 53 00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:54,834 Why do you keep asking people if they are okay? 54 00:04:54,834 --> 00:04:57,250 If nothing's wrong with people, don't ask. 55 00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:59,500 You know, Ma, that's, like, a really nice thing to do, 56 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,000 - is to make sure that you're doing okay. - Yeah, fine. 57 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,333 It's not, like, a controversial thing at all. 58 00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:08,083 Most people would be like, "Thank you. I'm doing fine. How are you doing?" 59 00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:13,291 On Sundays, my parents dance in the kitchen to Lucky Dube. 60 00:05:14,959 --> 00:05:17,834 The pain festering around them like an aura. 61 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:20,875 I'm not asking you to apologize. I'm just-- I'm just being real. 62 00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:22,291 You know what, Beca? You win. 63 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:39,125 - Do you have ChapStick, Daddy? - Yeah. 64 00:05:39,875 --> 00:05:42,417 {\an8} Remember that ChapStick you used to have when I was younger? 65 00:05:42,917 --> 00:05:48,041 {\an8}- You had to squeeze it out. - Oh, yeah. That's, uh, Blistex. 66 00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:55,750 I was born in a sugarcane plantation, as far as I know. 67 00:05:57,291 --> 00:06:00,417 And, uh, my mother told me that she used to see those young kids, 68 00:06:00,417 --> 00:06:01,792 those young-- 69 00:06:01,792 --> 00:06:07,667 those young guys, uh, walking by to the-- to cut the sugarcane. 70 00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:11,291 And kids, 17, 18 years old without teeth, 71 00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:15,125 and, you know, ripped-up clothes. 72 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,041 And she said, you know, 73 00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:19,500 "Those are not gonna be my kids. 74 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,834 My kids are not gonna be like those kids." 75 00:06:21,834 --> 00:06:25,333 So I think then they decided to move the whole family to the city. 76 00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:28,917 To move away from there and go to the city, 77 00:06:28,917 --> 00:06:31,041 maybe to get something better for us. 78 00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:43,291 - Generalísimo Trujillo. - Generalísimo Trujillo. 79 00:06:43,291 --> 00:06:45,250 It's interesting that although you have 80 00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:48,417 six or seven pictures of Generalísimo Trujillo, 81 00:06:48,417 --> 00:06:50,875 there is one of the Virgin Mary. 82 00:06:53,667 --> 00:06:55,500 For every Dominican knows, 83 00:06:55,500 --> 00:07:00,542 those who oppose Trujillo go either to jail or away. 84 00:07:00,542 --> 00:07:03,792 The civil war, you know, I saw a lot of people dead on the street 85 00:07:03,792 --> 00:07:05,542 and a lot of people being, you know-- 86 00:07:05,542 --> 00:07:08,667 If you went outside, you had to go outside like that on the street, 87 00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:10,041 especially if you were a guy. 88 00:07:10,041 --> 00:07:11,917 You had to walk on the street like that. 89 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:21,166 And we used to sleep under the bed. 90 00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:24,583 Everybody was under the bed. My mother put everybody under the bed. 91 00:07:25,083 --> 00:07:27,500 And put all the-- all the-- How do you call that? 92 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:29,458 All the mattresses on top of one bed. 93 00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:33,834 So, she figured if the bullet came, maybe the mattress will hold it. 94 00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,583 When-- When Johnson became President, 95 00:07:39,583 --> 00:07:42,834 he opened up the immigration from the third world to the United States. 96 00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:44,875 Before that, you know, like, 97 00:07:44,875 --> 00:07:48,166 you had to be, like, rich or a millionaire to come to this country. 98 00:07:48,792 --> 00:07:50,667 Ko-ko! Ko-ko! 99 00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:52,959 - And-- - Tell Ko-ko to stop doing that! 100 00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,875 Ko-ko, no! 101 00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:05,041 I told one of my friends we were trying to get to the, you know, the United States, 102 00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:07,000 and she laughed her head off at me. 103 00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:11,250 "You think they want Black people in the United States? 104 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:13,625 They won't let you go. They won't let you there. 105 00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:16,583 And you are poor." You know, they laugh. And, you know... 106 00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:20,709 They said: "You're going to the United States of my butthole." 107 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,166 They said: "You going to United States?" 108 00:08:24,166 --> 00:08:25,750 You're going to the United States of my butthole!" 109 00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:27,000 I remember this so well... 110 00:08:30,041 --> 00:08:31,750 Because I'm too annoying? 111 00:08:34,709 --> 00:08:37,250 No, hija. It's funny. If you don't laugh-- 112 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,625 That's why I can't come. 113 00:08:39,625 --> 00:08:45,000 You can't say that. You know that you're my favorite person to be around. 114 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,542 Literally, you are my favorite person to be around. 115 00:08:56,917 --> 00:09:02,083 Daddy tells me about seeing Jimi live at Woodstock when he was 17. 116 00:09:04,291 --> 00:09:06,709 He says I know him better than anyone, 117 00:09:06,709 --> 00:09:11,375 yet I have no idea where my father's mannerisms come from. 118 00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:21,709 When I'm angry, I remind him of his father. 119 00:09:25,834 --> 00:09:26,834 Abuelo. 120 00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:29,709 Sugarcane. 121 00:09:31,458 --> 00:09:32,458 Machete. 122 00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:35,667 Belt in hand. 123 00:09:37,291 --> 00:09:38,291 Illiterate. 124 00:09:40,041 --> 00:09:41,041 Proud. 125 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:46,291 Brought a family of nine Negroes to New York City 126 00:09:47,417 --> 00:09:52,208 as Trujillo enforced ethnic cleansing in his homeland. 127 00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,959 When you got to New York, were you guys excited--? 128 00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:06,750 Yeah, but I was disappointed 129 00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:10,583 because we went to Bedford-Stuyvesant, and I said, "Holy shit! Is this New York?" 130 00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:18,500 It looked like a burned-down World War II European city. 131 00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:22,667 I think it was '66, '67. 132 00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:25,750 playing] 133 00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:32,959 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 134 00:10:34,291 --> 00:10:40,000 ♪ There's a flame, a flame A big flame in my heart ♪ 135 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,667 The first time I saw Central Park, I said, 136 00:10:43,375 --> 00:10:45,667 "When I move out of my house, this is where I'm gonna live." 137 00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:49,000 And that's what I did. That's why I live over there. 138 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,834 And I will never move out of there. 139 00:10:50,834 --> 00:10:53,291 ♪ It's burning for you Ooh! ♪ 140 00:10:53,291 --> 00:10:57,500 ♪ Even though we are through Ooh, ah! ♪ 141 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,333 So wait, hold on. 142 00:10:59,917 --> 00:11:03,750 I feel like in our house there's always this ongoing controversy... 143 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:04,834 Yeah. Yeah, I know. 144 00:11:04,834 --> 00:11:07,333 ...of us having grown up in a one-bedroom apartment. 145 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,291 And you stand by the decision, 'cause you're like-- 146 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,875 -"Well, I wanted"-- - Because, at the time, 147 00:11:13,959 --> 00:11:14,959 you know, 148 00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:19,583 it was either one-bedroom apartment or moving out of there, 149 00:11:19,583 --> 00:11:22,417 and where would I find a place that was rent controlled? 150 00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,875 That building was rent controlled, so I was able to afford it. 151 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:29,166 You understand? 152 00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:32,792 If I moved out of there and looked for a place with three or four bedrooms, 153 00:11:33,291 --> 00:11:36,166 paying a reasonable price, 154 00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:38,041 we would have been in a neighborhood 155 00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:41,333 where one of you, I assure you, wouldn't be alive today. 156 00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,208 Our neighborhood was the hood when we were growing up-- 157 00:11:44,208 --> 00:11:48,667 - It just wasn't as-- - It was not even close to those places. 158 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,125 This is the best I could-- I was able to afford. 159 00:11:52,709 --> 00:11:55,250 You understand? This was the best I was able to afford. 160 00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:07,000 It was the best I was able to afford. 161 00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:17,166 The OG Ko-ko! Ko-ko! 162 00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,792 Where's my theanine? 163 00:12:18,792 --> 00:12:20,417 I found my viralbiotics. 164 00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:22,417 Raquel, can I come with you and film you? 165 00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:23,917 While I go to Bravo? 166 00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:25,750 {\an8}- Yeah. Yeah. - Really? Okay. 167 00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:29,083 - Close up! - No. Oh, God. Stop. 168 00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:33,500 Stop! 169 00:12:35,959 --> 00:12:36,959 Please. 170 00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:48,333 Don't put that I'm smoking in the film... 171 00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:49,709 Um... 172 00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:51,959 'cause then Gordi and Mommy will know when they watch it. 173 00:12:52,083 --> 00:12:54,792 - Okay. - They don't know I'm smoking again. 174 00:12:58,208 --> 00:12:59,583 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 175 00:12:59,583 --> 00:13:02,000 Why are we going up this hill while I'm smoking? 176 00:13:04,792 --> 00:13:07,250 You sound like a smoking loser. 177 00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:08,667 These people are such losers. 178 00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:09,750 What? 179 00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,667 The community garden. 180 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,125 This probably would've saved my life when I was younger. 181 00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:16,875 This was put in when we were kids 182 00:13:17,542 --> 00:13:19,166 and this neighborhood was shit. 183 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:22,250 They would not let us play in there. I would go in and try to talk to them, 184 00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:25,041 to try to, um, plant things I was interested in growing 185 00:13:25,041 --> 00:13:27,583 when I was in junior high school, and they would shoo me away. 186 00:13:27,583 --> 00:13:30,125 But they're like, "We have a community garden in the hood." 187 00:13:30,125 --> 00:13:32,041 The only people that were in there were white people, 188 00:13:32,041 --> 00:13:33,625 drinking wine, or... 189 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,000 ...doing little events there, with their little green thumb. 190 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,041 I remember we weren't even allowed to go in. 191 00:13:40,041 --> 00:13:43,083 I remember there was these little white kids dancing for Halloween, 192 00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:46,208 and I was like, "Wow! This looks so cool!" But I wasn't allowed to go inside. 193 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,166 Excuse me. 194 00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:50,959 Um, what's the deal with the community garden? 195 00:13:50,959 --> 00:13:52,458 Can we go in, or... 196 00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:53,625 Sure. 197 00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:56,709 Yo, I would go in there. 198 00:13:56,709 --> 00:13:58,625 I would hop the fence. They would kick me out. 199 00:13:58,625 --> 00:14:01,750 - You would hop the fence? - Yeah. I would climb over. 200 00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,625 That's my spot to-- for smoking pot. 201 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:05,667 That's why they kicked me out a lot of times. 202 00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:08,291 But-- But still. 203 00:14:08,959 --> 00:14:10,875 Remember when I got in trouble 204 00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:13,291 - for bringing crack vials to school? - Yeah. 205 00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:14,458 - And my project? - Yeah. 206 00:14:14,458 --> 00:14:16,792 I found them all in the community garden. 207 00:14:16,792 --> 00:14:18,625 So the crackheads used the community garden too. 208 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:21,750 That's probably why they were like that. 209 00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,834 - What was the project for? - Huh? 210 00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:26,333 What was the project for? 211 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,417 To bring something that you always see that represents your neighborhood, 212 00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,250 and I didn't know what they were. 213 00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:32,792 And so, I just thought they were pretty, 214 00:14:32,792 --> 00:14:35,959 'cause I always used to see the little crack vials, and so I liked the tops. 215 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,458 - Yeah. - They were different colors. 216 00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:39,375 So, I would clean them out, 217 00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:43,333 and so I got a flower pot that I stole from there, 218 00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,375 - a little one from the community garden. - Mm-hmm. 219 00:14:45,917 --> 00:14:47,667 And I filled it up with dirt, 220 00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:51,041 and I put the little crack vials all around it in a circle, 221 00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:53,875 - and one in the middle, coming out. - That's cool. 222 00:14:53,875 --> 00:14:55,834 I thought it was pretty, like artistic. 223 00:14:55,834 --> 00:14:57,375 And I got in trouble. 224 00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:00,041 What happened? 225 00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:01,709 Um... 226 00:15:01,709 --> 00:15:05,667 They thought that I brought crack vials to school. 227 00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:09,625 They thought Mommy was a crackhead! 228 00:15:10,625 --> 00:15:11,667 That's what happened. 229 00:15:14,959 --> 00:15:16,667 If I'm Daddy's girl, 230 00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,583 and Juancarlos is Mama's boy, 231 00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:27,166 my sister falls into a neglected dimension I don't even try to understand. 232 00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:35,792 She takes my grandfather's machete from the closet and swings it at my parents. 233 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,667 She hands me my first joint when I'm ten 234 00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:44,542 to apologize for choking me until I can't breathe. 235 00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:49,208 We have so much fun that day. 236 00:15:52,625 --> 00:15:56,250 She graduates from boarding school in New England on scholarship, 237 00:15:57,417 --> 00:16:01,083 but skips college and hops freight trains with junkies instead. 238 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,291 {\an8}Agoraphobia. 239 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:13,875 {\an8}Disability checks. 240 00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,542 {\an8}Solitary confinement. 241 00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:23,041 {\an8}Destruction. 242 00:16:26,208 --> 00:16:28,333 {\an8}And pathological lies. 243 00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:48,542 Now she has two daughters of her own who will inherit our curses. 244 00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:42,959 We have to dress up as our heroes in fifth grade. 245 00:17:45,917 --> 00:17:49,792 The other kids come as former Presidents and Power Rangers. 246 00:17:53,458 --> 00:17:57,583 Encouraged by Raquel, I come as Harriet Tubman. 247 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,083 I borrow my sister's dress and head wrap, 248 00:18:07,792 --> 00:18:11,375 and use her makeup for the fake whiplashes on my back. 249 00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:22,667 In an old shoe box, I use broccoli to recreate a plantation. 250 00:18:26,542 --> 00:18:29,625 My only white Ken doll is the slave master, 251 00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:33,959 and the rest of my Barbies and Kens are slaves. 252 00:18:39,458 --> 00:18:42,583 Raquel is so proud. 253 00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,083 Video Music Box. Friday night street party. 254 00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:07,083 Your Uncle Ralph, of course, in the place to be. 255 00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:09,500 We in the studio, as you can see, 256 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:13,959 and that was the M.O.P. remix, of course, with my man, Busta Rhymes, Teflon. 257 00:19:13,959 --> 00:19:17,166 I'm hanging out with my man, Marley Marl, and Pete Rock today 258 00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:19,875 at the Future Flavas show, so y'all definitely want to check in for that. 259 00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,959 Future Flavas style, you know how we doing it. 260 00:19:21,959 --> 00:19:24,458 Yo, hold up. They got the pirate right there! 261 00:19:24,959 --> 00:19:27,542 They letting you know how it gets down up here. 262 00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:36,458 What about Juancarlos? 263 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,125 Daddy? 264 00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:46,375 Well, I, uh-- I'll pass on that one. 265 00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:50,667 I'll pass on that question. 266 00:19:55,166 --> 00:20:00,208 {\an8}For my seventh birthday, Daddy brings us all to Disney World. 267 00:20:03,959 --> 00:20:06,291 My brother and I have an argument in the car. 268 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:14,959 At the sight of my tears, Daddy sinks into silence. 269 00:20:19,375 --> 00:20:21,291 Juancarlos remembers this 270 00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:26,667 as the last time our father ever speaks to him. 271 00:20:34,709 --> 00:20:37,583 "You're a rat. You hear me?" 272 00:20:39,792 --> 00:20:40,834 "You're a rat." 273 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,750 I come home from school with a fever. 274 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,333 Juancarlos is using my bed as his desk. 275 00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:04,834 "Yo, I don't feel well. I need to lay down." 276 00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:08,792 He doesn't move. 277 00:21:11,583 --> 00:21:13,208 "Yo, did you hear what I said?" 278 00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,667 I climb into the bed. 279 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,208 Still, he doesn't move. 280 00:21:27,875 --> 00:21:29,625 We hear Daddy get home. 281 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,125 Juancarlos finally moves his stuff... 282 00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:40,125 {\an8}and stops talking to me for another two years. 283 00:21:45,792 --> 00:21:49,458 When I complain to Mommy, she calls me a snitch. 284 00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,750 So I make sure to call her at work the next day 285 00:21:55,542 --> 00:21:58,583 just to tell her she's garbage. 286 00:22:11,834 --> 00:22:13,208 I always loved poetry. 287 00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:17,375 Metaphors, similes, wordplay. 288 00:22:17,375 --> 00:22:22,041 And they use double and triple entendres, words that have two and three meanings. 289 00:22:23,291 --> 00:22:26,625 Juancarlos only talks to me when a Jay-Z album comes out. 290 00:22:26,625 --> 00:22:31,166 One bar is four beats, and there's 16 bars in one verse. 291 00:22:31,166 --> 00:22:34,542 We listen together from start to finish with the lights off 292 00:22:35,834 --> 00:22:37,917 and analyze the lyrics. 293 00:22:37,917 --> 00:22:40,166 And there's some songs that are on time release, 294 00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:42,458 where you have to learn more about life 295 00:22:42,458 --> 00:22:44,959 before you can actually understand what they're saying. 296 00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:54,750 In college, I recognize this as close reading and critical thinking. 297 00:23:09,583 --> 00:23:11,709 Let's just forget about it and start over. 298 00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:15,208 Can we wait, like, five minutes? 299 00:23:15,917 --> 00:23:16,917 Why? 300 00:23:17,667 --> 00:23:20,875 Because your attitude would put anyone in a bad mood. 301 00:23:23,834 --> 00:23:24,917 Well, I mean... 302 00:23:25,875 --> 00:23:27,375 I'm telling you the truth. 303 00:23:30,083 --> 00:23:32,458 My mom wants to wait five minutes. 304 00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:37,041 Ko-ko. Come here, Ko-ko. 305 00:23:43,834 --> 00:23:45,166 So who's gonna talk? You? 306 00:23:46,417 --> 00:23:48,750 This is an interview. You have to talk first. 307 00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:49,667 Shit. 308 00:23:50,792 --> 00:23:52,291 Nice breeze. 309 00:23:53,417 --> 00:23:55,792 Isn't this a nice way to spend the day? 310 00:23:56,917 --> 00:23:58,041 Well... 311 00:23:59,208 --> 00:24:01,917 Yeah, when people are not harassing you. 312 00:24:08,875 --> 00:24:10,792 My mother, Veronica, 313 00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:17,125 comes to study at Pace University from Caracas, Venezuela. 314 00:24:19,417 --> 00:24:25,291 She leaves behind vacations in Margarita, custom-tailored dresses, 315 00:24:26,792 --> 00:24:32,667 and her first love to escape her mother. 316 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:42,625 Abuela is a glamorous woman with schizophrenia. 317 00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:48,500 She owns a thriving garment factory in the 1950s. 318 00:24:52,709 --> 00:24:57,250 This time, she'll spend six months in the psych ward. 319 00:24:59,709 --> 00:25:03,667 Mommy sees the guards hose Abuela down when she misbehaves. 320 00:25:14,542 --> 00:25:17,166 My mother never figures out how to discipline us. 321 00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:24,208 Instead, she comes into the room and hits herself with a belt. 322 00:25:32,250 --> 00:25:35,375 Okay, everything started because I had a baby, 323 00:25:35,375 --> 00:25:38,291 May 9th, 1990. 324 00:25:39,166 --> 00:25:41,250 So her name was Rebeca, 325 00:25:41,250 --> 00:25:44,125 and I used to call her "Bebeca". 326 00:25:45,542 --> 00:25:48,375 And then I used to call her "Bebe". 327 00:25:49,041 --> 00:25:51,917 And then I used to call her "Beba". 328 00:25:53,458 --> 00:25:55,250 And then I liked Beba the most. 329 00:25:55,250 --> 00:25:57,208 And she stayed with Beba. 330 00:26:10,917 --> 00:26:14,000 What was it like-- What is it like being a mom to Black children? 331 00:26:18,166 --> 00:26:20,083 I can't answer a question like that. 332 00:26:23,959 --> 00:26:27,875 Well, do you think that there were any experiences that you can speak to 333 00:26:27,875 --> 00:26:30,500 that are particular to having Black children? 334 00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:32,709 Well, Rebeca, basically, I'm a Latin person, 335 00:26:32,709 --> 00:26:36,750 and I raised my kids as a Latin person because I don't know anything else. 336 00:26:36,750 --> 00:26:40,542 I don't know anything else. I don't know anything else at all. 337 00:26:40,542 --> 00:26:44,875 I don't know anything about being American, white or Black. I don't know. 338 00:26:44,875 --> 00:26:47,125 - So you can't speak to any-- - I did my-- 339 00:26:47,125 --> 00:26:49,667 All my stuff, I did it based on what I knew 340 00:26:49,667 --> 00:26:52,792 about being a Latin person from Venezuela. 341 00:26:52,792 --> 00:26:55,875 I didn't do anything about anything else. 342 00:26:59,333 --> 00:27:01,834 What about when before, we used to go to Venezuela, 343 00:27:01,834 --> 00:27:04,709 you would tell everybody that if they made fun of our hair 344 00:27:04,709 --> 00:27:07,458 or said something about our complexion, that you would freak out? 345 00:27:07,458 --> 00:27:11,041 You don't think that that's something that would be particular to having Black kids? 346 00:27:11,542 --> 00:27:14,083 Yeah. Oh, well. But not because of-- 347 00:27:14,625 --> 00:27:17,417 It's because Latin people are so ignorant. 348 00:27:17,917 --> 00:27:22,959 And they think that because if you have pelo crespo, that's bad hair. 349 00:27:22,959 --> 00:27:24,542 And I s-- And I just-- 350 00:27:24,542 --> 00:27:27,875 When you guys were little, I told one of my friends, 351 00:27:27,875 --> 00:27:32,250 "If I-- Make sure nobody says that my kid have bad hair, 352 00:27:32,250 --> 00:27:33,417 because that's not bad. 353 00:27:33,417 --> 00:27:35,375 It's just normal hair that they have." 354 00:27:37,959 --> 00:27:40,208 That's it. But that's the only thing I did. 355 00:27:42,875 --> 00:27:45,917 So can you-- Sorry. Can you paint a picture about how-- 356 00:27:47,750 --> 00:27:48,875 About how what? 357 00:27:49,792 --> 00:27:50,834 Mommy, I'm serious. 358 00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:54,291 I know your microaggressive attitude right now. It's not cool. 359 00:27:54,291 --> 00:27:56,041 Rebeca, you're gonna act like this on camera? 360 00:27:56,041 --> 00:27:57,959 It doesn't matter. It's not cool. 361 00:27:57,959 --> 00:27:59,500 Your microaggressive attitude, like, 362 00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:02,792 throughout this entire interview is not cool. 363 00:28:03,542 --> 00:28:05,709 - It's really not. - Okay, Rebeca. Let's keep on going. 364 00:28:05,709 --> 00:28:07,542 Just say, "I don't wanna do the interview." 365 00:28:07,542 --> 00:28:10,250 But we're almost finished! What are you talking about? 366 00:28:10,250 --> 00:28:12,959 No, but-- I know, but I just, like-- Your energy bothers me. 367 00:28:13,667 --> 00:28:16,667 So, like, either, like, be real, get over it, 368 00:28:16,667 --> 00:28:19,458 - and answers my questions, or not. - Well, that's what I'm trying to do. 369 00:28:19,458 --> 00:28:21,250 Okay, that's what I'm trying to do. 370 00:28:24,125 --> 00:28:25,875 I don't have to take this shit, you're too old. 371 00:28:25,875 --> 00:28:27,667 - You're not a teenager. - Mommy, come on, please. 372 00:28:27,667 --> 00:28:30,375 - You're not a teenager anymore. - Can you just take five minutes? 373 00:28:30,375 --> 00:28:32,250 I'm sorry. Please? 374 00:28:32,250 --> 00:28:34,417 For my ass is sorry. 375 00:28:38,709 --> 00:28:41,333 When you're ready not to be so aggressive, 376 00:28:41,333 --> 00:28:43,625 then you start asking the questions. 377 00:28:47,959 --> 00:28:49,792 When you're ready, you ask. 378 00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:52,166 Not before. 379 00:28:54,709 --> 00:28:56,375 All right, I'm ready. 380 00:29:35,458 --> 00:29:38,333 I spend my childhood summers in Mendoza Fría. 381 00:29:39,417 --> 00:29:42,458 A pueblo in the Andes Mountains of Venezuela. 382 00:29:45,375 --> 00:29:47,375 My uncle picks me up from the airport, 383 00:29:47,375 --> 00:29:50,542 and we road trip through five states to get home. 384 00:29:52,375 --> 00:29:55,709 Each night, staying at a different family member's house. 385 00:30:09,542 --> 00:30:13,834 I do my first communion at the same church where my grandparents married. 386 00:30:22,458 --> 00:30:25,667 I have my first kiss with Rogelio on his doorstep. 387 00:30:26,709 --> 00:30:30,834 For years, he would lean perfectly in that doorway as I passed by. 388 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,792 It's the last time I'll ever come to this country. 389 00:31:03,959 --> 00:31:07,250 I backpack the world in search of what Venezuela gave me. 390 00:31:09,083 --> 00:31:10,083 Freedom. 391 00:31:11,375 --> 00:31:12,792 Unconditional love. 392 00:31:14,125 --> 00:31:15,667 And a room of my own. 393 00:31:28,333 --> 00:31:33,333 The next summer, I stay in New York and lose my virginity to an asshole. 394 00:31:35,250 --> 00:31:36,417 I'm 17. 395 00:32:12,625 --> 00:32:15,792 ♪ Try to change, gets deranged From this fate, in this state ♪ 396 00:32:15,792 --> 00:32:18,166 ♪ In this place, is to sit on Six Hits ♪ 397 00:32:18,166 --> 00:32:21,417 ♪ 'Cause I'm bound to be found Though I scream with no sound ♪ 398 00:32:21,417 --> 00:32:23,458 ♪ I am out, silent shout It's about ♪ 399 00:32:23,458 --> 00:32:26,709 ♪ In the group with no suit Always violent, never silent ♪ 400 00:32:26,709 --> 00:32:30,125 ♪ In this park, it's so dark There's no fun, there's no sun ♪ 401 00:32:30,125 --> 00:32:32,625 ♪ Fate is done with this cunt One ♪ 402 00:33:03,917 --> 00:33:06,208 Shakespeare lights my brain on fire. 403 00:33:07,417 --> 00:33:12,125 And not even the bulletproof windows of my high school can contain it. 404 00:33:17,458 --> 00:33:19,083 "I dreamt a dream tonight." 405 00:33:20,500 --> 00:33:21,750 "And so did I." 406 00:33:23,458 --> 00:33:24,959 "Well, what was yours?" 407 00:33:25,458 --> 00:33:27,417 "That dreamers often lie." 408 00:33:32,834 --> 00:33:38,041 I get into a fight with this Jamaican kid, Achkeem, for calling me Black. 409 00:33:40,041 --> 00:33:41,166 How dare he. 410 00:33:47,375 --> 00:33:51,834 A psychiatrist, Susan, prescribes me Lexapro. 411 00:33:54,625 --> 00:33:58,959 After a national suicide warning, my mother throws my pills out. 412 00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:15,709 Miss Johnson introduces me to Maya Angelou and the term "Afro-Latina." 413 00:34:18,458 --> 00:34:21,417 Some of the other Latinos start calling me Frederick Douglass. 414 00:34:33,333 --> 00:34:36,500 The night I get my acceptance letter to Bard College, 415 00:34:37,458 --> 00:34:42,417 I walk 60 blocks listening to Bob Dylan's "How Does It Feel?" on repeat. 416 00:36:12,291 --> 00:36:14,709 I wake up in the beautiful Hudson Valley. 417 00:36:16,834 --> 00:36:18,667 I'm 18 years old. 418 00:36:26,542 --> 00:36:28,750 Andy Warhol is king. 419 00:36:29,458 --> 00:36:30,959 The Beatles are God. 420 00:36:31,458 --> 00:36:35,250 And sometimes, classes are held underneath tables. 421 00:36:45,667 --> 00:36:48,000 I live with the artistic Black kids. 422 00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:53,083 I'm either with them or my white friends. 423 00:36:54,959 --> 00:36:56,041 Never both. 424 00:36:58,583 --> 00:37:01,000 Some of the older women in the house warn me. 425 00:37:03,166 --> 00:37:05,750 "He'll never see you as a human being," they say. 426 00:37:08,083 --> 00:37:12,458 But I'm in love, so I ignore them until they graduate. 427 00:37:23,917 --> 00:37:25,792 We have amazing secrets. 428 00:37:27,500 --> 00:37:28,875 Can we bump it to, like, 15? 429 00:37:28,875 --> 00:37:31,250 Let's go to the bar. 430 00:37:31,834 --> 00:37:33,375 I can't go to the bar. 431 00:37:33,375 --> 00:37:34,458 Why not? 432 00:37:35,542 --> 00:37:38,208 - I could never be president. - No one's gonna see it. 433 00:37:38,208 --> 00:37:41,583 No one's ever gon-- No, this is not going up on Facebook or anywhere else. 434 00:37:41,583 --> 00:37:43,250 Are you serious? 435 00:38:03,834 --> 00:38:05,750 My crew is my whole world. 436 00:38:10,291 --> 00:38:12,291 They love hearing me speak Spanish. 437 00:38:14,709 --> 00:38:16,291 It makes them feel safe. 438 00:38:29,417 --> 00:38:31,792 The new bi-racial professor from Harvard, 439 00:38:32,500 --> 00:38:37,291 Annie, introduces me to Hegel and Octavia Butler. 440 00:38:44,041 --> 00:38:46,375 When you were at Bard, when you started Bard, 441 00:38:46,375 --> 00:38:48,959 I think there were maybe, um... 442 00:38:49,959 --> 00:38:54,000 70 or 80 underrepresented minority students 443 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,000 at the whole school. Very few. 444 00:38:57,208 --> 00:38:59,375 And, you know, immediately you got taken up 445 00:38:59,375 --> 00:39:00,792 by this crowd of people. 446 00:39:02,667 --> 00:39:05,625 Not just, like, a white social group, 447 00:39:05,625 --> 00:39:08,041 but you were in with, like, the beautiful people. 448 00:39:08,542 --> 00:39:10,709 Like, your friends were the kind of people who, like, 449 00:39:10,709 --> 00:39:14,041 during their time at Bard, appeared in Town and Country 450 00:39:14,834 --> 00:39:16,583 as part of, like, a glamour spread. 451 00:39:17,625 --> 00:39:20,667 Because they were, like, sort of socialites, or, you know, 452 00:39:21,458 --> 00:39:26,000 artists, actors, models, etcetera. 453 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:31,667 Film people, many of whom had families that were also very, very well-connected 454 00:39:31,667 --> 00:39:33,625 in the arts and in other fields. 455 00:39:48,667 --> 00:39:52,417 ♪ Funny, how you love me ♪ 456 00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:56,709 Whenever, like-- When I was in trouble, like, if I needed, you know-- 457 00:39:56,709 --> 00:39:58,667 I needed some posters designed, or we had to-- 458 00:39:58,667 --> 00:40:01,333 You know, anything that we had to do, you would be like-- 459 00:40:01,333 --> 00:40:04,583 You would text, like, five boys, who were all clearly, like, infatuated, 460 00:40:04,583 --> 00:40:07,083 and they would show up within minutes. 461 00:40:07,083 --> 00:40:09,625 And I'd always-- I'd be like, "Oh, you know, those are"... 462 00:40:09,625 --> 00:40:11,458 And you'd just be like, "That's just whatever. 463 00:40:11,458 --> 00:40:14,375 That's just so and so. Like, no big deal." 464 00:40:14,375 --> 00:40:17,625 So you had, like, this fan base that you could call on. 465 00:40:18,375 --> 00:40:22,250 But the-- At the same time, like, I know that you felt alone too. 466 00:40:26,208 --> 00:40:28,375 And now you're laughing 'cause you know I'm right. 467 00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:50,458 Girl, why don't you just call me? 468 00:40:50,458 --> 00:40:53,041 You keep typing, but you can call me for five minutes. 469 00:40:53,041 --> 00:40:56,834 Um, just call me. Chat with me for a little bit. 470 00:40:56,834 --> 00:40:59,500 I've been trying to get a hold of you forever, um... 471 00:41:00,417 --> 00:41:02,959 You know, I don't want to lose momentum and-- 472 00:41:02,959 --> 00:41:06,709 You know, we-- we're talking again and stuff and, you know, 473 00:41:06,709 --> 00:41:10,709 we don't go, like, months without talking. I'm trying to turn a new leaf with that. 474 00:41:10,709 --> 00:41:14,667 So just call me, please. 475 00:41:22,291 --> 00:41:24,208 Instead of handing in my homework, 476 00:41:25,709 --> 00:41:29,792 I spend six hours a day dancing in my room to take the edge off. 477 00:41:29,792 --> 00:41:31,709 Thank you for making a video with us. 478 00:41:31,709 --> 00:41:33,542 It's the greatest show ever. 479 00:41:35,208 --> 00:41:37,709 You sneezed on your fucking paper. 480 00:41:37,709 --> 00:41:39,041 Down the hole, too. 481 00:41:39,041 --> 00:41:41,625 Down the hole? Oh, God. 482 00:41:41,625 --> 00:41:46,542 Have you read American Psycho? He does the worst shit. 483 00:41:47,834 --> 00:41:49,375 - It's fucking-- - Does he? Does he now? 484 00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:52,208 - No, okay, so in one part-- - Guy kills a lot of people. 485 00:41:52,208 --> 00:41:54,750 - No, it's not like the movie. - Definitely psychotic. 486 00:41:54,750 --> 00:41:57,166 The movie is PG compared to the book. 487 00:41:58,458 --> 00:42:01,041 At Bard, we have a narrative form of feedback 488 00:42:01,041 --> 00:42:02,709 that's really, really interesting, 489 00:42:02,709 --> 00:42:05,208 because it's also like a mini ethnography 490 00:42:05,208 --> 00:42:07,583 where the professor writes notes on the student, 491 00:42:07,583 --> 00:42:09,208 and not just on their work, 492 00:42:09,208 --> 00:42:11,959 but on what they'll call their "class citizenship," 493 00:42:11,959 --> 00:42:14,250 and even their deportment, how they carry themselves. 494 00:42:15,291 --> 00:42:19,917 And so then, when I saw your grades, talked a lot about you leaving class, 495 00:42:19,917 --> 00:42:23,291 showing up late, seeming distracted. 496 00:42:24,041 --> 00:42:27,500 You know, I said, "Well, first of all, you have to be on time. 497 00:42:27,500 --> 00:42:29,792 You have to talk in every class." 498 00:42:29,792 --> 00:42:33,500 And this is something that I feel really conflicted about even saying aloud 499 00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:35,166 because it's so loaded. 500 00:42:35,667 --> 00:42:38,583 But I said, like, you can't wear belly shirts to class. 501 00:42:39,083 --> 00:42:40,458 And you were shocked. 502 00:42:40,458 --> 00:42:43,083 I said you can't even leave class to go to the bathroom. 503 00:42:43,083 --> 00:42:46,208 And you were, like, "What?" And I said, "Yeah, you can't. You can't." 504 00:42:47,208 --> 00:42:48,959 Maybe someone else can, but you can't. 505 00:43:00,208 --> 00:43:02,750 So I'm not passing judgment on whether or not that's right or wrong. 506 00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:08,417 In fact, like, it's deeply problematic and it reflects centuries of violence. 507 00:43:09,709 --> 00:43:12,667 At the same time, it's also a necessary way 508 00:43:12,667 --> 00:43:16,250 to navigate these institutions, um, to get the grades that you deserve, 509 00:43:16,250 --> 00:43:21,041 and to be seen within this sort of landscape, 510 00:43:21,041 --> 00:43:25,792 this pastoral landscape that promises to be a utopia, 511 00:43:25,792 --> 00:43:30,125 but is actually configured and operates in ways 512 00:43:30,125 --> 00:43:32,166 that are very much like the rest of the world, 513 00:43:32,166 --> 00:43:33,667 the rest of the United States, 514 00:43:34,709 --> 00:43:37,959 and that very much function within the logic of the body. 515 00:43:40,625 --> 00:43:42,792 Professors immediately started treating you differently. 516 00:43:42,792 --> 00:43:44,417 Your grades immediately went up. 517 00:43:45,125 --> 00:43:49,083 You did not doubt any of what I said, which you totally could've done. 518 00:43:49,083 --> 00:43:51,375 You totally could've been like, "Annie, this is ridiculous." 519 00:43:51,375 --> 00:43:52,875 And you would've had a point. 520 00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,166 And you'd have a-- 521 00:43:55,166 --> 00:43:57,208 You'd have actually a really, really good point. 522 00:44:27,542 --> 00:44:31,458 {\an8}Annie convinces the Board to let me do a semester abroad in Ghana... 523 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,667 ...despite my academic probation. 524 00:44:39,959 --> 00:44:43,208 It's the land of revolutionary Pan-Africanist, 525 00:44:43,792 --> 00:44:45,208 Kwame Nkrumah. 526 00:44:47,542 --> 00:44:51,792 The first Prime Minister of decolonized Africa. 527 00:44:58,875 --> 00:45:01,333 My host mother nicknames me "Foreigner." 528 00:45:03,709 --> 00:45:06,250 "You're an American," she says. 529 00:45:07,709 --> 00:45:09,792 I tell her I'm first generation. 530 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,834 She laughs and tells me not to talk while I'm eating. 531 00:45:19,125 --> 00:45:20,333 From the tro-tro, 532 00:45:21,166 --> 00:45:27,208 I see a shirtless man cutting sugarcane with a machete. 533 00:45:31,208 --> 00:45:33,000 There, I see the mannerisms. 534 00:45:34,875 --> 00:45:36,417 There, I see my father. 535 00:46:18,375 --> 00:46:20,458 - Hello, hi. - Everyone's mike is on. 536 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,709 - Hello. Hello. Hello. - Hi. 537 00:46:22,709 --> 00:46:23,875 - Everyone good? - Hello? 538 00:46:23,875 --> 00:46:25,250 Yeah, great. Thank you. 539 00:46:25,750 --> 00:46:26,750 Everyone? 540 00:46:26,750 --> 00:46:28,083 - Yeah. We're on. - Beautiful. 541 00:46:28,083 --> 00:46:30,500 Audrey, I want you, baby. 542 00:46:32,709 --> 00:46:33,875 You're starting? 543 00:46:33,875 --> 00:46:35,542 I'm starting? Yeah, that's right. 544 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,458 ♪ Cocaine ♪ 545 00:46:44,333 --> 00:46:49,875 ♪ Cocaine running round my heart Running round my brain ♪ 546 00:46:49,875 --> 00:46:51,208 ♪ Cocaine ♪ 547 00:46:53,041 --> 00:46:55,709 ♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪ 548 00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:03,917 ♪ I woke up this morning Lord, I had a hungry pang ♪ 549 00:47:03,917 --> 00:47:07,417 ♪ And all I want for breakfast Is some good cocaine ♪ 550 00:47:07,417 --> 00:47:08,875 ♪ Cocaine ♪ 551 00:47:08,875 --> 00:47:10,375 Whoo! 552 00:47:10,375 --> 00:47:13,375 ♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪ 553 00:47:17,083 --> 00:47:19,166 ♪ Cocaine ♪ 554 00:47:19,166 --> 00:47:24,458 ♪ Cocaine running round my heart Running round my brain ♪ 555 00:47:24,458 --> 00:47:26,083 ♪ Cocaine ♪ 556 00:47:27,458 --> 00:47:30,792 ♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪ 557 00:47:34,250 --> 00:47:36,291 ♪ Cocaine ♪ 558 00:47:36,291 --> 00:47:41,792 ♪ Cocaine running round my heart Running round my brain ♪ 559 00:47:41,792 --> 00:47:43,208 ♪ Cocaine ♪ 560 00:47:44,792 --> 00:47:47,667 ♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪ 561 00:47:49,166 --> 00:47:51,583 ♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪ 562 00:47:53,417 --> 00:47:56,959 ♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪ 563 00:48:32,125 --> 00:48:36,250 This guy looks like he's up to no good or he's on drugs or something. 564 00:48:38,250 --> 00:48:41,500 It's raining, and he's just walking around, looking about. 565 00:48:41,500 --> 00:48:43,500 - Whatever he's on... - Okay. Bye. 566 00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:45,041 ...he has incredible strength. 567 00:48:45,041 --> 00:48:46,750 Yeah, crazy strength. 568 00:49:00,875 --> 00:49:04,834 Is this a bored child or a threat to public safety? 569 00:49:06,208 --> 00:49:09,375 Someone who saw him pacing around in Cleveland Park 570 00:49:09,375 --> 00:49:11,834 was worried enough to call the police. 571 00:49:13,583 --> 00:49:18,583 A patrol car arrives at the scene, and seconds later... 572 00:49:19,083 --> 00:49:23,667 Shot fired. Male down. Black male. Maybe 20. 573 00:49:24,458 --> 00:49:26,875 You gonna-- You threatening to drag me out my own car? 574 00:49:26,875 --> 00:49:28,959 He didn't do nothing, man. He didn't do nothing! 575 00:49:28,959 --> 00:49:30,875 I have to stop you because you're suspicious. 576 00:49:30,875 --> 00:49:32,542 You gotta stop behind the white stop bar. 577 00:49:32,542 --> 00:49:33,667 Stop bar? Stop this. 578 00:49:33,667 --> 00:49:36,125 - Hand me the car keys. - For a failure to signal? 579 00:49:36,125 --> 00:49:38,166 -You're doing this for a failure-- - Get over there! 580 00:49:38,166 --> 00:49:40,083 - Killed that boy for no r-- - Hey! 581 00:49:40,083 --> 00:49:44,000 Step out or I will remove you. I'm giving you a lawful order. 582 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:45,750 - Face away from me. - Get out of the car! 583 00:49:45,750 --> 00:49:46,834 Face away from me. 584 00:49:46,834 --> 00:49:48,625 A dark hoodie, like a gray hoodie, 585 00:49:48,625 --> 00:49:52,625 and either jeans or sweat pants and white tennis shoes. 586 00:49:52,625 --> 00:49:54,166 Are you following him? 587 00:49:54,750 --> 00:49:55,583 Yeah. 588 00:49:55,583 --> 00:49:57,333 Okay, we don't need you to do that. 589 00:49:58,834 --> 00:50:00,583 I'm very happy with the support that we're getting 590 00:50:00,583 --> 00:50:02,583 from the Police Department. I did nothing wrong, 591 00:50:02,583 --> 00:50:05,000 and this trial will show that I did nothing wrong 592 00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,417 and I'm looking forward to it. 593 00:50:15,417 --> 00:50:17,458 Yo, did you see Russell Westbrook last night? 594 00:50:18,709 --> 00:50:21,041 You have a score, like 47... And like-- 595 00:50:21,542 --> 00:50:24,667 There's 47, 15 rebounds and, like, 11 assists. 596 00:50:24,667 --> 00:50:26,750 - Oh, my God. - What are you talking about? 597 00:50:26,750 --> 00:50:28,917 - He's continuing to fucking... - About football? 598 00:50:28,917 --> 00:50:30,458 - Basketball. - Oh, basketball. 599 00:50:30,458 --> 00:50:31,709 Sorry. 600 00:50:33,625 --> 00:50:35,792 I think it's cool that some of those players are, 601 00:50:35,792 --> 00:50:38,792 like, talking about... you know. 602 00:50:38,792 --> 00:50:40,458 - The shit that's going on? - Yeah. 603 00:50:40,959 --> 00:50:43,792 - Yeah. That's true. - Agree. Agree. 604 00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:46,250 - I mean... - There's so many players who-- 605 00:50:46,250 --> 00:50:48,500 - I don't agree. - ...and so many more, like... 606 00:50:49,583 --> 00:50:50,750 There's definitely. 607 00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:53,458 There is movement happening. And there needs-- 608 00:50:53,458 --> 00:50:57,500 Certain cultural shifts have happened in the last 20 years that, like-- 609 00:50:57,500 --> 00:51:02,250 There are more opportunities now for Black people than there were-- 610 00:51:02,250 --> 00:51:04,417 - Oh, for sure. - ...than having more people to-- 611 00:51:04,417 --> 00:51:07,333 for, like, young Black kids to look up to and stuff like that. 612 00:51:07,333 --> 00:51:08,417 It's good, and-- 613 00:51:08,417 --> 00:51:10,709 - I don't know if it means-- - I mean, white people-- 614 00:51:10,709 --> 00:51:14,291 The position that you have to be in to say something like that is just... 615 00:51:15,375 --> 00:51:17,125 astounding. 616 00:51:17,125 --> 00:51:18,917 Dude, give me a brick. You know what? Give me a brick 617 00:51:18,917 --> 00:51:21,542 and tell me which building that I should throw it at and all, 618 00:51:21,542 --> 00:51:23,375 if that's what I need to do, but I think the-- 619 00:51:23,375 --> 00:51:24,792 - What we should be doing-- - Don't worry. 620 00:51:24,792 --> 00:51:26,208 - You gonna throw air? - What do you mean? 621 00:51:26,208 --> 00:51:27,709 - No. - What is front lines? 622 00:51:27,709 --> 00:51:29,208 Like-- Like front line? 623 00:51:29,208 --> 00:51:31,667 If people don't want me in the fight, then what am I gonna, like-- 624 00:51:31,667 --> 00:51:33,834 You know, it's, like, I'm not saying reverse racism, 625 00:51:33,834 --> 00:51:37,667 because I think that that's a stupid thing. 626 00:51:37,667 --> 00:51:43,041 It's kinda, like... frivolous or just, like, energy expenditure to just, 627 00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:45,375 throw things at cops and, like, break-- 628 00:51:45,375 --> 00:51:46,959 You know, and, like, riot and shit. 629 00:51:46,959 --> 00:51:49,625 What are you talking about though? You're making no sense. 630 00:51:49,625 --> 00:51:52,333 I'm not the enemy. I didn't say this. Obama said this. 631 00:51:52,333 --> 00:51:54,917 I didn't even say-- Like, I'm just repeating what he said. 632 00:51:54,917 --> 00:51:58,542 - We're working on it. - Do you understand... 633 00:52:00,667 --> 00:52:05,667 the deeply entrenched dehumanization 634 00:52:06,333 --> 00:52:07,792 in the idea of progress? 635 00:52:07,792 --> 00:52:09,417 Like, do you understand that? 636 00:52:11,458 --> 00:52:16,709 If that's how you are just gonna view me right now, then, I feel a little, like-- 637 00:52:17,208 --> 00:52:20,500 I don't know how to, like, enter this conversation, honestly. 638 00:52:22,583 --> 00:52:24,667 - What do you mean? - Hey, just saying. 639 00:52:24,667 --> 00:52:28,458 Yeah, absolutely. I have no idea about, like, the Black experience or... 640 00:52:28,458 --> 00:52:30,959 - We were sharing ideas. We have a goal. - I'm feeling the hostility. 641 00:52:30,959 --> 00:52:33,125 We're allies here. We're trying to figure this out together. 642 00:52:33,125 --> 00:52:36,417 - We're talking strategies about how-- - How long is this process gonna take? 643 00:52:36,417 --> 00:52:40,625 Because it's been some 400 odd years, and from what I see, in the process-- 644 00:52:40,625 --> 00:52:42,834 - I need you to stop interrupting. - Yeah. All right. 645 00:52:42,834 --> 00:52:44,917 I'm not saying that I'm not privileged. I'm just saying-- 646 00:52:44,917 --> 00:52:48,792 We need to chill out right now, because it's turning into a little bit-- 647 00:52:48,792 --> 00:52:50,917 - I'm not saying we need more police. - When you turn on the news, 648 00:52:50,917 --> 00:52:54,500 and they talk about, like, a Black person killing another Black person, 649 00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:57,291 when there's just as many, or more, instances that... 650 00:52:57,291 --> 00:52:58,542 So what should I do? 651 00:52:58,542 --> 00:53:00,875 Why do I have to answer that question for you? 652 00:53:00,875 --> 00:53:05,166 And it's, like, I'm not the answer to fucking white supremacy. 653 00:53:05,166 --> 00:53:07,375 Why don't you fucking figure out what you have to do? 654 00:53:07,375 --> 00:53:09,625 You're a fucking white man. Figure it out. 655 00:53:09,625 --> 00:53:11,125 Yes, that's true. 656 00:53:11,709 --> 00:53:14,834 That was a-- That was an oversimplification that-- 657 00:53:14,834 --> 00:53:16,959 I think that was a stupid thing that you said. 658 00:53:16,959 --> 00:53:18,875 What are you-- Stupid what? What was stupid? 659 00:53:18,875 --> 00:53:21,917 Just-- Like, within the context of what we're talking about. 660 00:53:21,917 --> 00:53:23,875 - Murdering somebody? - It's not as simple. 661 00:53:23,875 --> 00:53:25,417 - I murdered somebody? - You know what I mean? 662 00:53:25,417 --> 00:53:26,583 - It's not-- - Yo, I'm out. 663 00:53:26,583 --> 00:53:28,625 You're oversimplifying. Also, we're trying to con-- 664 00:53:28,625 --> 00:53:30,542 - I killed somebody with words? - Wait. Let's not-- 665 00:53:30,542 --> 00:53:32,667 No, no, no. Wait, where are you going, man? 666 00:54:05,667 --> 00:54:08,125 Fuck Annie's respectability politics. 667 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:14,959 There is nothing honorable about trying to assimilate into a system 668 00:54:14,959 --> 00:54:17,500 that is designed to destroy you. 669 00:54:46,458 --> 00:54:49,959 I stem from a Black man with worker's hands, 670 00:54:51,917 --> 00:54:54,750 weary breaths and a regal stance. 671 00:54:55,959 --> 00:54:59,375 I'm equipped with the melanin to confront these lies, 672 00:55:00,375 --> 00:55:03,792 complex and juicy while they venture my demise. 673 00:55:05,291 --> 00:55:06,542 Black woman fine, 674 00:55:08,083 --> 00:55:12,041 ripe with forgiveness in me, despite human history. 675 00:55:13,917 --> 00:55:19,000 Rageful, so my sanity murders these reasons to be hateful. 676 00:55:22,375 --> 00:55:26,208 God, bring me back Black every time. 677 00:55:50,750 --> 00:55:55,667 I've graduated from college, and I'm back in New York City. 678 00:56:10,417 --> 00:56:15,792 I move into my aunt's house in Brooklyn and sleep on her dining room floor. 679 00:56:20,333 --> 00:56:22,000 My friends move in together 680 00:56:22,583 --> 00:56:25,083 and start working for each other's parents. 681 00:56:35,208 --> 00:56:37,667 Opening night at Baby Grand is a blast. 682 00:56:39,750 --> 00:56:41,250 I black out for most of it. 683 00:56:52,500 --> 00:56:54,875 I spend the day at the Russian Baths. 684 00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,750 I'm feeling isolated, 685 00:57:06,375 --> 00:57:08,000 but at least I have Michael. 686 00:57:11,333 --> 00:57:15,750 We first meet at our mutual friend's punk show in Williamsburg. 687 00:57:17,458 --> 00:57:22,041 A few months later, I run into him at 4:00 a.m. on the L train. 688 00:57:25,291 --> 00:57:27,208 After that, he asks me out, 689 00:57:28,250 --> 00:57:32,917 and every day, I say no for an entire year. 690 00:57:38,625 --> 00:57:41,083 I've never seen romance close-up before. 691 00:57:42,458 --> 00:57:45,583 But finally, I agree. 692 00:57:51,792 --> 00:57:55,959 Michael, expelled from private school. 693 00:57:57,792 --> 00:58:02,083 A Bronx kid with origins in India and Puerto Rico. 694 00:58:04,041 --> 00:58:07,625 With bipolar disorder and X-ray vision. 695 00:58:13,542 --> 00:58:15,375 "One day we'll have babies 696 00:58:16,667 --> 00:58:18,917 and start an urban farm uptown. 697 00:58:21,041 --> 00:58:24,709 And you'll, like, wear silk around the house and shit." 698 00:58:41,834 --> 00:58:43,583 Three months after we break up, 699 00:58:45,208 --> 00:58:47,792 he jumps off the George Washington Bridge 700 00:58:48,625 --> 00:58:50,959 near the park where we had our first date. 701 00:59:39,834 --> 00:59:43,875 I'm tired of crying 702 00:59:45,208 --> 00:59:47,834 and you haven't appeared. 703 00:59:50,959 --> 00:59:55,709 I don't know if I should curse you 704 00:59:56,375 --> 00:59:59,542 or if I should cry - pray for you. 705 01:00:01,959 --> 01:00:06,250 Black pigeon, black pigeon 706 01:00:06,250 --> 01:00:09,917 where, where could you be? 707 01:00:13,417 --> 01:00:20,375 Don't play around with my vagabond pride 708 01:00:24,083 --> 01:00:29,458 since your affection should've been mine 709 01:00:29,458 --> 01:00:32,625 and no one else's. 710 01:00:35,625 --> 01:00:40,250 Although I love you madly 711 01:00:40,875 --> 01:00:44,458 you'll never come back. 712 01:00:46,750 --> 01:00:49,375 Black pigeon 713 01:00:49,375 --> 01:00:53,583 you are the grater-- of my pain 714 01:00:53,583 --> 01:00:56,291 I don't know what the fuck that says. 715 01:00:57,375 --> 01:00:59,500 I want to be free 716 01:01:00,166 --> 01:01:02,125 to live my life 717 01:01:03,208 --> 01:01:05,667 with whomever I want. 718 01:01:07,834 --> 01:01:10,166 God give me the strength 719 01:01:10,542 --> 01:01:13,333 because I'm dying 720 01:01:13,333 --> 01:01:15,875 to go find him. 721 01:01:15,875 --> 01:01:17,208 Bravo! 722 01:01:27,417 --> 01:01:29,834 Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! 723 01:02:08,959 --> 01:02:10,458 Lost as I am, I say. 724 01:02:13,750 --> 01:02:16,125 Vast as you are, they say. 725 01:02:22,500 --> 01:02:23,667 On a moonlit night, 726 01:02:25,291 --> 01:02:31,208 my ancestors come alive in fluorescent paint on the earth. 727 01:02:36,875 --> 01:02:38,291 Lost as I am, I say. 728 01:02:40,959 --> 01:02:43,458 Vast as you are, they say. 729 01:02:51,709 --> 01:02:53,000 One of them winks at me. 730 01:02:55,083 --> 01:02:56,709 Another one spits on me. 731 01:02:59,542 --> 01:03:01,583 Lost as I am, I say. 732 01:03:03,542 --> 01:03:06,375 Vast as you are, they say. 733 01:03:35,333 --> 01:03:39,333 This is a little box of stuff with mini playing cards. 734 01:03:41,792 --> 01:03:43,875 There's a rosary here. 735 01:03:45,375 --> 01:03:47,375 There's another rosary here. 736 01:03:49,166 --> 01:03:50,917 This house has mad rosaries. 737 01:03:51,750 --> 01:03:53,500 I've just turned 25. 738 01:03:53,500 --> 01:03:55,542 This is where all the photo albums live. 739 01:03:56,125 --> 01:03:58,709 I move back home because I don't know what else to do. 740 01:03:58,709 --> 01:03:59,792 It has a vibe. 741 01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:02,208 Can you feel, like, there's a vibe in there? 742 01:04:03,875 --> 01:04:08,041 I'm too busy being an artist to realize my brother is ashamed we share a room. 743 01:04:09,417 --> 01:04:11,458 I don't know. It's like the reason why I'm so... 744 01:04:12,125 --> 01:04:14,125 Coño, get that thing out of here! 745 01:04:14,125 --> 01:04:16,875 Tonight, I'm going to Sasha's Black love dinner. 746 01:04:16,875 --> 01:04:19,375 I feel like you don't listen to what I say ever. It's absurd. 747 01:04:19,375 --> 01:04:21,583 Coño, you can explain better. 748 01:04:21,583 --> 01:04:23,417 I know, but you're in my way, 749 01:04:23,417 --> 01:04:25,083 so I don't know how I'm supposed to do that. 750 01:04:25,083 --> 01:04:27,500 I ignore the fact that I've taken my mother's bed. 751 01:04:27,500 --> 01:04:30,667 And there's a voice in my head that I say in myself. I do that. 752 01:04:30,667 --> 01:04:32,166 She sleeps on the couch now. 753 01:04:32,166 --> 01:04:34,542 I secretly wanted to know if there was coat check, 754 01:04:35,041 --> 01:04:37,959 'cause if there wasn't, then nobody would see my outfit, right? 755 01:04:38,458 --> 01:04:41,542 I don't care. Daddy's happy I'm back. 756 01:04:42,250 --> 01:04:48,125 Mijita, you will always, always talk way too much. 757 01:04:48,125 --> 01:04:49,917 Like, you don't know when to stop. 758 01:04:51,959 --> 01:04:54,917 One of my New Year's resolutions is to cook more, 759 01:04:55,583 --> 01:04:58,542 because I wanna make time for myself for the ritual of cooking. 760 01:04:58,542 --> 01:05:00,875 It's really important in, like, a self-care way. 761 01:05:00,875 --> 01:05:02,917 I know the ingredients and the stuff I like, 762 01:05:02,917 --> 01:05:04,417 and I always buy the same thing. 763 01:05:04,417 --> 01:05:06,333 So we drove to Alex's h-- 764 01:05:09,792 --> 01:05:11,542 We drove, um-- 765 01:05:12,500 --> 01:05:14,542 - Are you okay, Mommy? - Yes, I am okay. 766 01:05:15,667 --> 01:05:18,417 No. Can you actually try and open your ears 767 01:05:18,417 --> 01:05:20,375 and listen to what I'm saying? It's, like-- 768 01:05:20,375 --> 01:05:22,667 Ay, Rebeca, ya. No, I don't want to go there. 769 01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:25,000 Why? 770 01:05:25,500 --> 01:05:28,125 Uh, You have to-- You have to-- 771 01:05:28,125 --> 01:05:34,000 Bring down several notches that fucking aggressiveness to you. 772 01:05:35,166 --> 01:05:39,291 You bring down aggressiveness, or we're not gonna be able to do this. 773 01:05:39,291 --> 01:05:41,333 - I'm sorry. - You don't think you're... 774 01:05:42,834 --> 01:05:44,083 'Cause I'm leaving. 775 01:05:44,083 --> 01:05:46,625 - It's just absurd-- - That bothered me! 776 01:05:46,625 --> 01:05:48,542 Because I just got my treatment 777 01:05:48,542 --> 01:05:50,291 and I told the doctor: "No, I have to walk." 778 01:05:50,917 --> 01:05:53,417 "Couldn't you just wait until the things settle down?" 779 01:05:54,500 --> 01:05:56,750 You have to walk all the way to the East Side? 780 01:05:58,333 --> 01:06:00,792 - You told me. - Why are you being manipulative? 781 01:06:00,792 --> 01:06:03,417 - Well, you told me. - You are an autonomous human being. 782 01:06:03,417 --> 01:06:06,291 In this relationship, you are the dominant as the mother, 783 01:06:06,291 --> 01:06:07,500 so this is your fault. 784 01:06:07,500 --> 01:06:08,583 You remember that day? 785 01:06:08,583 --> 01:06:10,500 If there's anybody's fault it is, it's your fault. 786 01:06:10,500 --> 01:06:13,583 This is an honest conversation about how you treat yourself. 787 01:06:13,583 --> 01:06:15,542 - It has nothing to do with me. - Okay, yeah. 788 01:06:15,542 --> 01:06:18,625 You-- You-- You took it this far. You let it get this far. 789 01:06:19,125 --> 01:06:22,375 A friend gets me an interview at a prestigious production company. 790 01:06:25,625 --> 01:06:28,875 The night before, I call dibs on the first shower. 791 01:06:33,458 --> 01:06:34,875 When I wake up to get ready, 792 01:06:36,583 --> 01:06:39,625 my brother runs in front of me and locks the door. 793 01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:46,917 First, I ask nicely. 794 01:06:51,542 --> 01:06:52,709 No response. 795 01:06:56,500 --> 01:06:58,834 He turns on the shower and puts music on. 796 01:07:03,792 --> 01:07:06,041 When I knock again, the music gets louder. 797 01:07:10,625 --> 01:07:12,542 I beg my mom to intervene. 798 01:07:18,208 --> 01:07:20,834 I sink into a blind rage 799 01:07:22,750 --> 01:07:25,959 as I watch the hour of the interview come and go. 800 01:07:29,583 --> 01:07:32,000 Mommy scolds me for banging on the door. 801 01:07:35,917 --> 01:07:39,166 I turn around and choke her. 802 01:09:35,542 --> 01:09:37,333 What is she looking for? 803 01:09:41,125 --> 01:09:43,583 Why do you have to come out and say all this shit 804 01:09:43,583 --> 01:09:45,417 that nobody has to know? 805 01:09:47,917 --> 01:09:50,458 Get over it. Life is not easy. 806 01:09:53,583 --> 01:09:54,583 Coño. 807 01:10:13,959 --> 01:10:18,166 I can't be a pessimist... because I'm alive. 808 01:10:21,333 --> 01:10:23,333 To be a pessimist means that you have agreed 809 01:10:23,333 --> 01:10:25,458 that human life is an academic matter. 810 01:10:27,959 --> 01:10:29,458 So I'm forced to be an optimist. 811 01:10:29,458 --> 01:10:32,917 I'm forced to believe that we can survive whatever we must survive. 812 01:10:54,458 --> 01:11:00,875 In the observable universe, there are approximately two trillion galaxies. 813 01:11:03,417 --> 01:11:07,166 So other life must exist. 814 01:11:11,875 --> 01:11:17,834 But to reach the nearest star would take us 100,000 years. 815 01:11:25,917 --> 01:11:27,417 On this planet, 816 01:11:29,041 --> 01:11:31,625 to make sense of the vastness of our universe... 817 01:11:33,959 --> 01:11:36,667 we've created direction and time... 818 01:11:41,333 --> 01:11:43,625 which have evolved into social constructs 819 01:11:46,125 --> 01:11:47,750 and other systems of illusion... 820 01:11:49,792 --> 01:11:51,500 to give us importance, 821 01:11:52,458 --> 01:11:53,542 another illusion. 822 01:11:59,709 --> 01:12:05,000 Every day, we come together in spectacular forms 823 01:12:06,959 --> 01:12:09,166 to uphold these metanarratives. 824 01:12:17,125 --> 01:12:18,834 When you have a kid, 825 01:12:19,291 --> 01:12:22,208 you're gonna realize that this shit is true. 826 01:12:22,625 --> 01:12:24,083 This is love. 827 01:12:26,291 --> 01:12:29,166 Everything else is like, ok-- 828 01:12:29,166 --> 01:12:31,166 But that's the real one. 829 01:12:33,625 --> 01:12:34,792 On my mother's side, 830 01:12:36,083 --> 01:12:43,000 Venezolanos pass down passion, resilience and crippling delusion. 831 01:12:46,041 --> 01:12:47,417 On my father's side, 832 01:12:49,125 --> 01:12:53,417 Dominicanos pass down courage, ambition... 833 01:12:55,875 --> 01:12:57,250 and abusive rage. 834 01:13:11,375 --> 01:13:12,375 Beba. 835 01:13:15,542 --> 01:13:16,542 Brave. 836 01:13:18,667 --> 01:13:19,667 Stubborn. 837 01:13:22,792 --> 01:13:23,959 Narcissistic. 838 01:13:27,375 --> 01:13:28,875 Chronically cruel. 839 01:13:35,875 --> 01:13:41,375 Existing is to hold space for all of this. 840 01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:48,834 I fear my family will never talk to me again. 841 01:13:54,625 --> 01:13:55,625 I promise... 842 01:13:57,875 --> 01:13:59,959 this is the last time I'll snitch. 843 01:14:12,709 --> 01:14:17,667 Love as deeply as if it were forever. 844 01:14:18,458 --> 01:14:21,500 Only nothing is eternal. 845 01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:28,458 Speak proudly to your children, wherever you may find them. 846 01:14:29,041 --> 01:14:34,041 Tell them you are the offspring of slaves, 847 01:14:34,041 --> 01:14:37,875 and your mother was a princess in darkness.