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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[person 1] Understand this: There is
a price to pay for everything you do.
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You-- You cannot take things that I said
and turn it around.
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[person 2] And you were very sweet before,
but you are not sweet anymore.
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00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:48,125
[person 3] Your anger,
and your defensiveness,
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00:00:48,125 --> 00:00:50,041
- and the volatility.
- [person 4] You cut your hair off.
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00:00:50,041 --> 00:00:51,917
[person 5] You throw yourself into it.
You love people.
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00:00:51,917 --> 00:00:54,417
- [person 4] You started growing your Afro.
- [person 3] You get frustrated.
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00:00:54,417 --> 00:00:57,041
- [person 4] Loud, walking while Black.
- [person 3] These things aren't happening...
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00:00:57,041 --> 00:00:58,667
[person 6]
I remember you waiting to go to school.
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[person 1] That's wrong and dangerous.
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- [person 7] You expect this of me...
- [person 1] I'll pass on that one.
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[person 7] ...and to me, it was too much.
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00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:05,709
[person 1] I'll pass on that question.
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[person 2] You never say anything wrong.
You never do anything wrong.
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[person 7] You talk about
how much I've done for you,
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- but you changed how I see things.
- [person 1] I'll pass on that question.
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[birds chirping]
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[narrator]
You are now entering my universe.
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I am the lens.
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The subject.
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The authority.
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As a product of the New World,
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violence lives in my DNA.
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00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:11,875
I carry an ancient pain
that I struggle to understand.
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I use it to hurt those closest to me.
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Every one of us inherits the curses
of our ancestors.
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00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:32,333
But we may put an end to this cycle
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by constantly going to war with ourselves.
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I'm watching the curses of my family
slowly kill us.
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So I'm going to war.
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And there will be casualties.
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[siren wailing]
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This cannot be our legacy.
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[siren continues]
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[birds chirping]
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[chattering]
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00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:36,417
[chattering, laughing]
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[narrator]
My parents fall in love in New York City.
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00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:06,959
It's the 1970s.
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00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:09,917
[daughter]
Mom, I don't know where the cherries are.
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[mother] Go to the café.
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00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:12,208
[narrator] They sacrifice everything
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for us to be the poorest kids
on Central Park West.
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[chattering in Spanish]
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[narrator] I share a room with my brother, Juancarlos,
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and my sister, Raquel.
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00:04:24,709 --> 00:04:25,959
I am the youngest.
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[daughter] So, I'm sorry.
Like, I'm not gonna apologize because...
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00:04:28,709 --> 00:04:30,709
[narrator] Our parents sleep
on the living room floor.
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[father] Same shitty problem.
Same shitty Washington.
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00:04:33,041 --> 00:04:34,750
Why do you think
it's happening in Washington?
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00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,500
People don't compromise anymore.
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They are infidel of their Christian faith.
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[daughter] Absolutely to not be both,
but to, like, be one and not--
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00:04:41,917 --> 00:04:43,834
[mother] Yes, Dr. Huntt. Sure.
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[narrator] On Saturdays,
Mommy makes fried fish and plantains.
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00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:52,875
I stuff them in my panties to throw them
down the toilet when no one's looking.
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00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:54,834
[mother] Why do you keep asking people
if they are okay?
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00:04:54,834 --> 00:04:57,250
If nothing's wrong with people, don't ask.
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[daughter] You know, Ma,
that's, like, a really nice thing to do,
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- is to make sure that you're doing okay.
- [mother] Yeah, fine.
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[daughter] It's not, like,
a controversial thing at all.
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Most people would be like, "Thank you.
I'm doing fine. How are you doing?"
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[narrator] On Sundays, my parents dance
in the kitchen to Lucky Dube.
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00:05:14,959 --> 00:05:17,834
The pain festering around them
like an aura.
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00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:20,875
[daughter] I'm not asking you to
apologize. I'm just-- I'm just being real.
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[mother] You know what, Beca? You win.
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[chattering]
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00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:39,125
- [Beba] Do you have ChapStick, Daddy?
- [father] Yeah.
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{\an8}[Beba] Remember that ChapStick
you used to have when I was younger?
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{\an8}- You had to squeeze it out.
- [father] Oh, yeah. That's, uh, Blistex.
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I was born in a sugarcane plantation,
as far as I know.
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00:05:57,291 --> 00:06:00,417
And, uh, my mother told me
that she used to see those young kids,
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those young--
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those young guys, uh, walking by to the--
to cut the sugarcane.
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And kids, 17, 18 years old without teeth,
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and, you know, ripped-up clothes.
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00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,041
And she said, you know,
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"Those are not gonna be my kids.
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00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,834
My kids are not gonna be like those kids."
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00:06:21,834 --> 00:06:25,333
So I think then they decided
to move the whole family to the city.
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00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:28,917
To move away from there
and go to the city,
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maybe to get something better for us.
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[bell tolls]
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{\an8}[teacher in Spanish]
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{\an8}[students in Spanish]
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- [teacher] Generalísimo Trujillo.
- [students] Generalísimo Trujillo.
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[reporter]
It's interesting that although you have
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00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:48,417
six or seven pictures
of Generalísimo Trujillo,
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there is one of the Virgin Mary.
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[speaks Spanish]
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[announcer] For every Dominican knows,
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00:06:55,500 --> 00:07:00,542
those who oppose Trujillo
go either to jail or away.
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[father] The civil war, you know,
I saw a lot of people dead on the street
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and a lot of people being, you know--
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If you went outside, you had to
go outside like that on the street,
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especially if you were a guy.
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You had to walk on the street like that.
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And we used to sleep under the bed.
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Everybody was under the bed.
My mother put everybody under the bed.
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And put all the-- all the--
How do you call that?
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All the mattresses on top of one bed.
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So, she figured if the bullet came,
maybe the mattress will hold it.
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[sizzling]
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When-- When Johnson became President,
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he opened up the immigration
from the third world to the United States.
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Before that, you know, like,
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you had to be, like, rich or a millionaire
to come to this country.
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[Beba] Ko-ko! Ko-ko!
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- And--
- [Beba] Tell Ko-ko to stop doing that!
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- Ko-ko, no!
- [dog whines]
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I told one of my friends we were trying to
get to the, you know, the United States,
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and she laughed her head off at me.
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"You think they want Black people
in the United States?
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They won't let you go.
They won't let you there.
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And you are poor."
You know, they laugh. And, you know...
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[in Spanish] They said: "You're going
to the United States of my butthole."
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[both laughing]
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00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,166
They said: "You going to United States?"
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00:08:24,166 --> 00:08:25,750
You're going to the United
States of my butthole!"
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I remember this so well...
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[Beba, in English]
Because I'm too annoying?
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[father laughs]
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[father] No, hija. It's funny.
If you don't laugh--
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[Beba] That's why I can't come.
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You can't say that. You know that
you're my favorite person to be around.
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Literally,
you are my favorite person to be around.
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00:08:56,917 --> 00:09:02,083
[Beba] Daddy tells me about seeing
Jimi live at Woodstock when he was 17.
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He says I know him better than anyone,
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yet I have no idea
where my father's mannerisms come from.
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[sizzling]
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When I'm angry,
I remind him of his father.
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Abuelo.
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Sugarcane.
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Machete.
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Belt in hand.
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Illiterate.
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Proud.
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Brought a family of nine Negroes
to New York City
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as Trujillo enforced ethnic cleansing
in his homeland.
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[birds chirping]
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00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,959
[Beba] When you got to New York,
were you guys excited--?
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00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:06,750
[father] Yeah, but I was disappointed
146
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:10,583
because we went to Bedford-Stuyvesant,
and I said, "Holy shit! Is this New York?"
147
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It looked like
a burned-down World War II European city.
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I think it was '66, '67.
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[Big Flame
(Is Gonna Break My heart in Two) playing]
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♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
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♪ There's a flame, a flame
A big flame in my heart ♪
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[father]
The first time I saw Central Park, I said,
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"When I move out of my house,
this is where I'm gonna live."
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00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:49,000
And that's what I did.
That's why I live over there.
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And I will never move out of there.
[laughs]
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♪ It's burning for you
Ooh! ♪
157
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♪ Even though we are through
Ooh, ah! ♪
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[Beba] So wait, hold on.
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I feel like in our house there's
always this ongoing controversy...
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00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:04,834
[father] Yeah. Yeah, I know.
161
00:11:04,834 --> 00:11:07,333
[Beba] ...of us having grown up
in a one-bedroom apartment.
162
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,291
And you stand by
the decision, 'cause you're like--
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-"Well, I wanted"--
- Because, at the time,
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you know,
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00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:19,583
it was either one-bedroom apartment
or moving out of there,
166
00:11:19,583 --> 00:11:22,417
and where would I find a place
that was rent controlled?
167
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,875
That building was rent controlled,
so I was able to afford it.
168
00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:29,166
You understand?
169
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:32,792
If I moved out of there and looked
for a place with three or four bedrooms,
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00:11:33,291 --> 00:11:36,166
paying a reasonable price,
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00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:38,041
we would have been in a neighborhood
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00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:41,333
where one of you,
I assure you, wouldn't be alive today.
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[Beba] Our neighborhood was the hood
when we were growing up--
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00:11:44,208 --> 00:11:48,667
- It just wasn't as--
- It was not even close to those places.
175
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,125
This is the best I could--
I was able to afford.
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00:11:52,709 --> 00:11:55,250
You understand?
This was the best I was able to afford.
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00:11:58,083 --> 00:12:01,083
[children laughing, screaming in distance]
178
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:07,000
It was the best I was able to afford.
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00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:17,166
[Beba] The OG Ko-ko! Ko-ko!
180
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,792
[Raquel] Where's my theanine?
181
00:12:18,792 --> 00:12:20,417
I found my viralbiotics.
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00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:22,417
[Beba] Raquel,
can I come with you and film you?
183
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:23,917
While I go to Bravo?
184
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:25,750
{\an8}- [Beba] Yeah. Yeah.
- Really? Okay.
185
00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:29,083
- [Beba] Close up!
- No. Oh, God. Stop.
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00:12:29,083 --> 00:12:32,417
- [parents speaking Spanish]
- [Beba squealing]
187
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:33,500
Stop!
188
00:12:35,959 --> 00:12:36,959
Please.
189
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:48,333
Don't put that I'm smoking in the film...
190
00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:49,709
[coughs] Um...
191
00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:51,959
'cause then Gordi and Mommy
will know when they watch it.
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00:12:52,083 --> 00:12:54,792
- [Beba] Okay.
- They don't know I'm smoking again.
193
00:12:58,208 --> 00:12:59,583
[Beba, singsongy]
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
194
00:12:59,583 --> 00:13:02,000
Why are we going up
this hill while I'm smoking?
195
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,792
[Beba laughs]
196
00:13:04,792 --> 00:13:07,250
You sound like a smoking loser.
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00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:08,667
These people are such losers.
198
00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:09,750
[Beba] What?
199
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,667
[Raquel] The community garden.
200
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,125
This probably would've saved
my life when I was younger.
201
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:16,875
This was put in when we were kids
202
00:13:17,542 --> 00:13:19,166
and this neighborhood was shit.
203
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:22,250
They would not let us play in there.
I would go in and try to talk to them,
204
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:25,041
to try to, um, plant things
I was interested in growing
205
00:13:25,041 --> 00:13:27,583
when I was in junior high school,
and they would shoo me away.
206
00:13:27,583 --> 00:13:30,125
But they're like,
"We have a community garden in the hood."
207
00:13:30,125 --> 00:13:32,041
The only people that were
in there were white people,
208
00:13:32,041 --> 00:13:33,625
drinking wine, or...
209
00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:35,000
[coughs]
210
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,000
...doing little events there,
with their little green thumb.
211
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,041
[Beba] I remember
we weren't even allowed to go in.
212
00:13:40,041 --> 00:13:43,083
I remember there was these
little white kids dancing for Halloween,
213
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:46,208
and I was like, "Wow! This looks so cool!"
But I wasn't allowed to go inside.
214
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,166
Excuse me.
215
00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:50,959
Um, what's the deal
with the community garden?
216
00:13:50,959 --> 00:13:52,458
Can we go in, or...
217
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:53,625
Sure.
218
00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:56,709
Yo, I would go in there.
219
00:13:56,709 --> 00:13:58,625
I would hop the fence.
They would kick me out.
220
00:13:58,625 --> 00:14:01,750
- [Beba] You would hop the fence?
- Yeah. I would climb over.
221
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,625
That's my spot to-- for smoking pot.
222
00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:05,667
That's why they kicked me out
a lot of times.
223
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:08,291
- [Beba laughs]
- But-- But still.
224
00:14:08,959 --> 00:14:10,875
Remember when I got in trouble
225
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:13,291
- for bringing crack vials to school?
- [Beba] Yeah.
226
00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:14,458
- And my project?
- [Beba] Yeah.
227
00:14:14,458 --> 00:14:16,792
I found them all in the community garden.
228
00:14:16,792 --> 00:14:18,625
So the crackheads used
the community garden too.
229
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:21,750
That's probably why they were like that.
230
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,834
- [Beba] What was the project for?
- Huh?
231
00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:26,333
[Beba] What was the project for?
232
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,417
To bring something that you always see
that represents your neighborhood,
233
00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,250
- and I didn't know what they were.
- [Beba laughs]
234
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:32,792
And so, I just thought they were pretty,
235
00:14:32,792 --> 00:14:35,959
'cause I always used to see the little
crack vials, and so I liked the tops.
236
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,458
- [Beba] Yeah.
- They were different colors.
237
00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:39,375
So, I would clean them out,
238
00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:43,333
and so I got a flower pot
that I stole from there,
239
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,375
- a little one from the community garden.
- Mm-hmm.
240
00:14:45,917 --> 00:14:47,667
And I filled it up with dirt,
241
00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:51,041
and I put the little crack vials
all around it in a circle,
242
00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:53,875
- and one in the middle, coming out.
- [Beba] That's cool.
243
00:14:53,875 --> 00:14:55,834
I thought it was pretty, like artistic.
244
00:14:55,834 --> 00:14:57,375
And I got in trouble.
245
00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:00,041
[Beba] What happened?
246
00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:01,709
Um...
247
00:15:01,709 --> 00:15:05,667
They thought that I
brought crack vials to school.
248
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:06,750
[laughs]
249
00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:09,625
[Beba] They thought Mommy was a crackhead!
250
00:15:10,625 --> 00:15:11,667
That's what happened.
251
00:15:14,959 --> 00:15:16,667
[Beba] If I'm Daddy's girl,
252
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,583
and Juancarlos is Mama's boy,
253
00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:27,166
my sister falls into a neglected dimension
I don't even try to understand.
254
00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:35,792
She takes my grandfather's machete from
the closet and swings it at my parents.
255
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,667
She hands me my first joint when I'm ten
256
00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:44,542
to apologize
for choking me until I can't breathe.
257
00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:49,208
We have so much fun that day.
258
00:15:52,625 --> 00:15:56,250
She graduates from boarding school
in New England on scholarship,
259
00:15:57,417 --> 00:16:01,083
but skips college and hops freight trains
with junkies instead.
260
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,291
{\an8}Agoraphobia.
261
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:13,875
{\an8}Disability checks.
262
00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,542
{\an8}Solitary confinement.
263
00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:23,041
{\an8}Destruction.
264
00:16:26,208 --> 00:16:28,333
{\an8}And pathological lies.
265
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:35,667
[birds chirping]
266
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:48,542
Now she has two daughters of her own
who will inherit our curses.
267
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:26,250
[wind whistling]
268
00:17:32,125 --> 00:17:35,125
[bog barking]
269
00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:42,959
We have to dress up as our heroes
in fifth grade.
270
00:17:45,917 --> 00:17:49,792
The other kids come as former Presidents
and Power Rangers.
271
00:17:53,458 --> 00:17:57,583
Encouraged by Raquel,
I come as Harriet Tubman.
272
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,083
I borrow my sister's dress and head wrap,
273
00:18:07,792 --> 00:18:11,375
and use her makeup
for the fake whiplashes on my back.
274
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:22,667
In an old shoe box,
I use broccoli to recreate a plantation.
275
00:18:26,542 --> 00:18:29,625
My only white Ken doll
is the slave master,
276
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:33,959
and the rest of my Barbies and Kens
are slaves.
277
00:18:39,458 --> 00:18:42,583
Raquel is so proud.
278
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,083
[radio host] Video Music Box.
Friday night street party.
279
00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:07,083
Your Uncle Ralph,
of course, in the place to be.
280
00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:09,500
We in the studio, as you can see,
281
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:13,959
and that was the M.O.P. remix, of course,
with my man, Busta Rhymes, Teflon.
282
00:19:13,959 --> 00:19:17,166
I'm hanging out with my man, Marley Marl,
and Pete Rock today
283
00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:19,875
at the Future Flavas show, so y'all
definitely want to check in for that.
284
00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,959
[Marley Marl] Future Flavas style,
you know how we doing it.
285
00:19:21,959 --> 00:19:24,458
[radio host] Yo, hold up.
They got the pirate right there!
286
00:19:24,959 --> 00:19:27,542
They letting you know
how it gets down up here.
287
00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:36,458
[Beba] What about Juancarlos?
288
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,125
Daddy?
289
00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:46,375
[father] Well, I, uh--
I'll pass on that one.
290
00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:50,667
I'll pass on that question.
291
00:19:55,166 --> 00:20:00,208
{\an8}[Beba] For my seventh birthday,
Daddy brings us all to Disney World.
292
00:20:03,959 --> 00:20:06,291
My brother and I have an argument
in the car.
293
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:14,959
At the sight of my tears,
Daddy sinks into silence.
294
00:20:19,375 --> 00:20:21,291
Juancarlos remembers this
295
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:26,667
as the last time
our father ever speaks to him.
296
00:20:34,709 --> 00:20:37,583
"You're a rat. You hear me?"
297
00:20:39,792 --> 00:20:40,834
"You're a rat."
298
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,750
I come home from school with a fever.
299
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,333
Juancarlos is using my bed as his desk.
300
00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:04,834
"Yo, I don't feel well.
I need to lay down."
301
00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:08,792
He doesn't move.
302
00:21:11,583 --> 00:21:13,208
"Yo, did you hear what I said?"
303
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,667
I climb into the bed.
304
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,208
Still, he doesn't move.
305
00:21:26,375 --> 00:21:27,375
[door opens]
306
00:21:27,875 --> 00:21:29,625
- [keys clinking]
-We hear Daddy get home.
307
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,125
Juancarlos finally moves his stuff...
308
00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:40,125
{\an8}and stops talking to me
for another two years.
309
00:21:45,792 --> 00:21:49,458
When I complain to Mommy,
she calls me a snitch.
310
00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,750
So I make sure
to call her at work the next day
311
00:21:55,542 --> 00:21:58,583
just to tell her she's garbage.
312
00:22:11,834 --> 00:22:13,208
[Juancarlos] I always loved poetry.
313
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:17,375
Metaphors, similes, wordplay.
314
00:22:17,375 --> 00:22:22,041
And they use double and triple entendres,
words that have two and three meanings.
315
00:22:23,291 --> 00:22:26,625
[Beba] Juancarlos only talks to me
when a Jay-Z album comes out.
316
00:22:26,625 --> 00:22:31,166
[Juancarlos] One bar is four beats,
and there's 16 bars in one verse.
317
00:22:31,166 --> 00:22:34,542
[Beba] We listen together
from start to finish with the lights off
318
00:22:35,834 --> 00:22:37,917
and analyze the lyrics.
319
00:22:37,917 --> 00:22:40,166
[Juancarlos] And there's some songs
that are on time release,
320
00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:42,458
where you have to learn more about life
321
00:22:42,458 --> 00:22:44,959
before you can actually understand
what they're saying.
322
00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:54,750
[Beba] In college, I recognize this
as close reading and critical thinking.
323
00:23:09,583 --> 00:23:11,709
Let's just forget about it and start over.
324
00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:15,208
Can we wait, like, five minutes?
325
00:23:15,917 --> 00:23:16,917
Why?
326
00:23:17,667 --> 00:23:20,875
[in Spanish] Because your attitude would
put anyone in a bad mood.
327
00:23:23,834 --> 00:23:24,917
[Beba, in English] Well, I mean...
328
00:23:25,875 --> 00:23:27,375
I'm telling you the truth.
329
00:23:30,083 --> 00:23:32,458
My mom wants to wait five minutes.
330
00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:37,041
Ko-ko. Come here, Ko-ko.
331
00:23:43,834 --> 00:23:45,166
So who's gonna talk? You?
332
00:23:46,417 --> 00:23:48,750
[Beba] This is an interview.
You have to talk first.
333
00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:49,667
Shit.
334
00:23:50,792 --> 00:23:52,291
Nice breeze.
335
00:23:53,417 --> 00:23:55,792
[Beba] Isn't this a nice way
to spend the day?
336
00:23:56,917 --> 00:23:58,041
Well...
337
00:23:59,208 --> 00:24:01,917
Yeah, when people
are not harassing you.
338
00:24:08,875 --> 00:24:10,792
[Beba] My mother, Veronica,
339
00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:17,125
comes to study at Pace University
from Caracas, Venezuela.
340
00:24:19,417 --> 00:24:25,291
She leaves behind vacations in Margarita,
custom-tailored dresses,
341
00:24:26,792 --> 00:24:32,667
and her first love to escape her mother.
342
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:42,625
Abuela is a glamorous woman
with schizophrenia.
343
00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:48,500
She owns a thriving garment factory
in the 1950s.
344
00:24:52,709 --> 00:24:57,250
This time, she'll spend six months
in the psych ward.
345
00:24:59,709 --> 00:25:03,667
Mommy sees the guards hose Abuela down
when she misbehaves.
346
00:25:14,542 --> 00:25:17,166
My mother never figures out
how to discipline us.
347
00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:24,208
Instead, she comes into the room
and hits herself with a belt.
348
00:25:32,250 --> 00:25:35,375
[Veronica] Okay, everything started
because I had a baby,
349
00:25:35,375 --> 00:25:38,291
May 9th, 1990.
350
00:25:39,166 --> 00:25:41,250
So her name was Rebeca,
351
00:25:41,250 --> 00:25:44,125
and I used to call her "Bebeca".
352
00:25:45,542 --> 00:25:48,375
And then I used to call her "Bebe".
353
00:25:49,041 --> 00:25:51,917
And then I used to call her "Beba".
354
00:25:53,458 --> 00:25:55,250
And then I liked Beba the most.
355
00:25:55,250 --> 00:25:57,208
And she stayed with Beba.
356
00:26:04,083 --> 00:26:07,125
[children chattering, laughing]
357
00:26:10,917 --> 00:26:14,000
[Beba] What was it like-- What is it like
being a mom to Black children?
358
00:26:18,166 --> 00:26:20,083
I can't answer a question like that.
359
00:26:23,959 --> 00:26:27,875
Well, do you think that there were
any experiences that you can speak to
360
00:26:27,875 --> 00:26:30,500
that are particular
to having Black children?
361
00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:32,709
Well, Rebeca, basically,
I'm a Latin person,
362
00:26:32,709 --> 00:26:36,750
and I raised my kids as a Latin person
because I don't know anything else.
363
00:26:36,750 --> 00:26:40,542
I don't know anything else.
I don't know anything else at all.
364
00:26:40,542 --> 00:26:44,875
I don't know anything about being
American, white or Black. I don't know.
365
00:26:44,875 --> 00:26:47,125
- [Beba] So you can't speak to any--
- I did my--
366
00:26:47,125 --> 00:26:49,667
All my stuff,
I did it based on what I knew
367
00:26:49,667 --> 00:26:52,792
about being a Latin person from Venezuela.
368
00:26:52,792 --> 00:26:55,875
I didn't do anything about anything else.
369
00:26:59,333 --> 00:27:01,834
[Beba] What about when before,
we used to go to Venezuela,
370
00:27:01,834 --> 00:27:04,709
you would tell everybody
that if they made fun of our hair
371
00:27:04,709 --> 00:27:07,458
or said something about our complexion,
that you would freak out?
372
00:27:07,458 --> 00:27:11,041
You don't think that that's something that
would be particular to having Black kids?
373
00:27:11,542 --> 00:27:14,083
Yeah. Oh, well. But not because of--
374
00:27:14,625 --> 00:27:17,417
It's because Latin people are so ignorant.
375
00:27:17,917 --> 00:27:22,959
And they think that because if you have
pelo crespo, that's bad hair.
376
00:27:22,959 --> 00:27:24,542
And I s-- And I just--
377
00:27:24,542 --> 00:27:27,875
When you guys were little,
I told one of my friends,
378
00:27:27,875 --> 00:27:32,250
"If I-- Make sure nobody says
that my kid have bad hair,
379
00:27:32,250 --> 00:27:33,417
because that's not bad.
380
00:27:33,417 --> 00:27:35,375
It's just normal hair that they have."
381
00:27:37,959 --> 00:27:40,208
That's it.
But that's the only thing I did.
382
00:27:42,875 --> 00:27:45,917
So can you-- Sorry.
Can you paint a picture about how--
383
00:27:47,750 --> 00:27:48,875
About how what?
384
00:27:49,792 --> 00:27:50,834
Mommy, I'm serious.
385
00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:54,291
I know your microaggressive attitude
right now. It's not cool.
386
00:27:54,291 --> 00:27:56,041
[in Spanish] Rebeca, you're gonna act
like this on camera?
387
00:27:56,041 --> 00:27:57,959
[in English] It doesn't matter.
It's not cool.
388
00:27:57,959 --> 00:27:59,500
Your microaggressive attitude, like,
389
00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:02,792
throughout this entire interview
is not cool.
390
00:28:03,542 --> 00:28:05,709
- It's really not.
- Okay, Rebeca. Let's keep on going.
391
00:28:05,709 --> 00:28:07,542
Just say,
"I don't wanna do the interview."
392
00:28:07,542 --> 00:28:10,250
But we're almost finished!
What are you talking about?
393
00:28:10,250 --> 00:28:12,959
No, but-- I know, but I just, like--
Your energy bothers me.
394
00:28:13,667 --> 00:28:16,667
So, like, either, like, be real,
get over it,
395
00:28:16,667 --> 00:28:19,458
- and answers my questions, or not.
- Well, that's what I'm trying to do.
396
00:28:19,458 --> 00:28:21,250
Okay, that's what I'm trying to do.
397
00:28:24,125 --> 00:28:25,875
I don't have to take this shit,
[in Spanish] you're too old.
398
00:28:25,875 --> 00:28:27,667
- [in English] You're not a teenager.
- Mommy, come on, please.
399
00:28:27,667 --> 00:28:30,375
- You're not a teenager anymore.
- Can you just take five minutes?
400
00:28:30,375 --> 00:28:32,250
I'm sorry. Please?
401
00:28:32,250 --> 00:28:34,417
[Veronica] For my ass is sorry. [sniffles]
402
00:28:38,709 --> 00:28:41,333
When you're ready
not to be so aggressive,
403
00:28:41,333 --> 00:28:43,625
then you start asking the questions.
404
00:28:47,959 --> 00:28:49,792
When you're ready, you ask.
405
00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:52,166
Not before.
406
00:28:54,709 --> 00:28:56,375
All right, I'm ready.
407
00:29:24,917 --> 00:29:26,917
[birds chirping]
408
00:29:35,458 --> 00:29:38,333
[Beba] I spend my childhood summers
in Mendoza Fría.
409
00:29:39,417 --> 00:29:42,458
A pueblo in the Andes Mountains
of Venezuela.
410
00:29:45,375 --> 00:29:47,375
My uncle picks me up from the airport,
411
00:29:47,375 --> 00:29:50,542
and we road trip through five states
to get home.
412
00:29:52,375 --> 00:29:55,709
Each night, staying at
a different family member's house.
413
00:30:09,542 --> 00:30:13,834
I do my first communion at the same church
where my grandparents married.
414
00:30:22,458 --> 00:30:25,667
I have my first kiss with Rogelio
on his doorstep.
415
00:30:26,709 --> 00:30:30,834
For years, he would lean perfectly
in that doorway as I passed by.
416
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,792
It's the last time I'll ever come
to this country.
417
00:31:03,959 --> 00:31:07,250
I backpack the world
in search of what Venezuela gave me.
418
00:31:09,083 --> 00:31:10,083
Freedom.
419
00:31:11,375 --> 00:31:12,792
Unconditional love.
420
00:31:14,125 --> 00:31:15,667
And a room of my own.
421
00:31:28,333 --> 00:31:33,333
The next summer, I stay in New York
and lose my virginity to an asshole.
422
00:31:35,250 --> 00:31:36,417
I'm 17.
423
00:31:39,875 --> 00:31:42,875
[drums playing]
424
00:32:12,625 --> 00:32:15,792
♪ Try to change, gets deranged
From this fate, in this state ♪
425
00:32:15,792 --> 00:32:18,166
♪ In this place, is to sit on Six Hits ♪
426
00:32:18,166 --> 00:32:21,417
♪ 'Cause I'm bound to be found
Though I scream with no sound ♪
427
00:32:21,417 --> 00:32:23,458
♪ I am out, silent shout
It's about ♪
428
00:32:23,458 --> 00:32:26,709
♪ In the group with no suit
Always violent, never silent ♪
429
00:32:26,709 --> 00:32:30,125
♪ In this park, it's so dark
There's no fun, there's no sun ♪
430
00:32:30,125 --> 00:32:32,625
♪ Fate is done with this cunt
One ♪
431
00:32:54,667 --> 00:32:57,667
[no audible dialogue]
432
00:33:03,917 --> 00:33:06,208
[Beba]
Shakespeare lights my brain on fire.
433
00:33:07,417 --> 00:33:12,125
And not even the bulletproof windows
of my high school can contain it.
434
00:33:17,458 --> 00:33:19,083
"I dreamt a dream tonight."
435
00:33:20,500 --> 00:33:21,750
"And so did I."
436
00:33:23,458 --> 00:33:24,959
"Well, what was yours?"
437
00:33:25,458 --> 00:33:27,417
"That dreamers often lie."
438
00:33:32,834 --> 00:33:38,041
I get into a fight with this Jamaican kid,
Achkeem, for calling me Black.
439
00:33:40,041 --> 00:33:41,166
How dare he.
440
00:33:47,375 --> 00:33:51,834
A psychiatrist, Susan,
prescribes me Lexapro.
441
00:33:54,625 --> 00:33:58,959
After a national suicide warning,
my mother throws my pills out.
442
00:33:58,959 --> 00:34:01,041
[dog barking]
443
00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:15,709
Miss Johnson introduces me to Maya Angelou
and the term "Afro-Latina."
444
00:34:18,458 --> 00:34:21,417
Some of the other Latinos start calling me
Frederick Douglass.
445
00:34:27,875 --> 00:34:29,375
[horn honking]
446
00:34:33,333 --> 00:34:36,500
The night I get my acceptance letter
to Bard College,
447
00:34:37,458 --> 00:34:42,417
I walk 60 blocks listening to
Bob Dylan's "How Does It Feel?" on repeat.
448
00:34:46,417 --> 00:34:48,417
[chattering]
449
00:34:57,959 --> 00:35:00,959
- [birds chirping]
- [bell tolls]
450
00:35:20,083 --> 00:35:22,917
[Maya Angelou singing]
451
00:36:12,291 --> 00:36:14,709
[Beba]
I wake up in the beautiful Hudson Valley.
452
00:36:16,834 --> 00:36:18,667
I'm 18 years old.
453
00:36:26,542 --> 00:36:28,750
Andy Warhol is king.
454
00:36:29,458 --> 00:36:30,959
The Beatles are God.
455
00:36:31,458 --> 00:36:35,250
And sometimes,
classes are held underneath tables.
456
00:36:45,667 --> 00:36:48,000
I live with the artistic Black kids.
457
00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:53,083
I'm either with them or my white friends.
458
00:36:54,959 --> 00:36:56,041
Never both.
459
00:36:58,583 --> 00:37:01,000
Some of the older women
in the house warn me.
460
00:37:03,166 --> 00:37:05,750
"He'll never see you as a human being,"
they say.
461
00:37:08,083 --> 00:37:12,458
But I'm in love,
so I ignore them until they graduate.
462
00:37:23,917 --> 00:37:25,792
[friend 1] We have amazing secrets.
463
00:37:27,500 --> 00:37:28,875
Can we bump it to, like, 15?
464
00:37:28,875 --> 00:37:31,250
[friend 2] Let's go to the bar.
465
00:37:31,834 --> 00:37:33,375
[friend 3] I can't go to the bar.
466
00:37:33,375 --> 00:37:34,458
[friend 2] Why not?
467
00:37:34,458 --> 00:37:35,542
[laughing]
468
00:37:35,542 --> 00:37:38,208
- [friend 3] I could never be president.
- [friend 2] No one's gonna see it.
469
00:37:38,208 --> 00:37:41,583
No one's ever gon-- No, this is not going
up on Facebook or anywhere else.
470
00:37:41,583 --> 00:37:43,250
- [friend 1] Are you serious?
- [laughing]
471
00:37:59,333 --> 00:38:02,333
[chattering, laughing]
472
00:38:03,834 --> 00:38:05,750
[Beba] My crew is my whole world.
473
00:38:10,291 --> 00:38:12,291
They love hearing me speak Spanish.
474
00:38:14,709 --> 00:38:16,291
It makes them feel safe.
475
00:38:29,417 --> 00:38:31,792
The new bi-racial professor from Harvard,
476
00:38:32,500 --> 00:38:37,291
Annie, introduces me
to Hegel and Octavia Butler.
477
00:38:44,041 --> 00:38:46,375
[Annie] When you were at Bard,
when you started Bard,
478
00:38:46,375 --> 00:38:48,959
I think there were maybe, um...
479
00:38:49,959 --> 00:38:54,000
70 or 80
underrepresented minority students
480
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,000
at the whole school. Very few.
481
00:38:57,208 --> 00:38:59,375
And, you know,
immediately you got taken up
482
00:38:59,375 --> 00:39:00,792
by this crowd of people.
483
00:39:02,667 --> 00:39:05,625
Not just, like, a white social group,
484
00:39:05,625 --> 00:39:08,041
but you were in with, like,
the beautiful people.
485
00:39:08,542 --> 00:39:10,709
Like, your friends were the kind of people
who, like,
486
00:39:10,709 --> 00:39:14,041
during their time at Bard,
appeared in Town and Country
487
00:39:14,834 --> 00:39:16,583
as part of, like, a glamour spread.
488
00:39:17,625 --> 00:39:20,667
Because they were, like,
sort of socialites, or, you know,
489
00:39:21,458 --> 00:39:26,000
artists, actors, models, etcetera.
490
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:31,667
Film people, many of whom had families
that were also very, very well-connected
491
00:39:31,667 --> 00:39:33,625
in the arts and in other fields.
492
00:39:34,375 --> 00:39:36,125
[slow music playing]
493
00:39:48,667 --> 00:39:52,417
♪ Funny, how you love me ♪
494
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:56,709
[Annie] Whenever, like-- When I was
in trouble, like, if I needed, you know--
495
00:39:56,709 --> 00:39:58,667
I needed some posters designed,
or we had to--
496
00:39:58,667 --> 00:40:01,333
You know, anything that we had to do,
you would be like--
497
00:40:01,333 --> 00:40:04,583
You would text, like, five boys,
who were all clearly, like, infatuated,
498
00:40:04,583 --> 00:40:07,083
and they would show up within minutes.
499
00:40:07,083 --> 00:40:09,625
And I'd always--
I'd be like, "Oh, you know, those are"...
500
00:40:09,625 --> 00:40:11,458
And you'd just be like,
"That's just whatever.
501
00:40:11,458 --> 00:40:14,375
That's just so and so. Like, no big deal."
502
00:40:14,375 --> 00:40:17,625
So you had, like,
this fan base that you could call on.
503
00:40:18,375 --> 00:40:22,250
But the-- At the same time, like,
I know that you felt alone too.
504
00:40:26,208 --> 00:40:28,375
And now you're laughing
'cause you know I'm right.
505
00:40:28,375 --> 00:40:31,208
[Annie laughing]
506
00:40:31,208 --> 00:40:33,291
[chattering]
507
00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:50,458
[Raquel on phone]
Girl, why don't you just call me?
508
00:40:50,458 --> 00:40:53,041
You keep typing,
but you can call me for five minutes.
509
00:40:53,041 --> 00:40:56,834
Um, just call me.
Chat with me for a little bit.
510
00:40:56,834 --> 00:40:59,500
I've been trying
to get a hold of you forever, um...
511
00:41:00,417 --> 00:41:02,959
You know,
I don't want to lose momentum and--
512
00:41:02,959 --> 00:41:06,709
You know, we-- we're talking again
and stuff and, you know,
513
00:41:06,709 --> 00:41:10,709
we don't go, like, months without talking.
I'm trying to turn a new leaf with that.
514
00:41:10,709 --> 00:41:14,667
So just call me, please.
515
00:41:22,291 --> 00:41:24,208
[Beba] Instead of handing in my homework,
516
00:41:25,709 --> 00:41:29,792
I spend six hours a day dancing in my room
to take the edge off.
517
00:41:29,792 --> 00:41:31,709
[friend 1] Thank you
for making a video with us.
518
00:41:31,709 --> 00:41:33,542
[friend 2] It's the greatest show ever.
519
00:41:33,542 --> 00:41:35,208
[friend 3 sneezes]
520
00:41:35,208 --> 00:41:37,709
[friend 2] You sneezed
on your fucking paper.
521
00:41:37,709 --> 00:41:39,041
[friend 1] Down the hole, too.
522
00:41:39,041 --> 00:41:41,625
- [friend 3] Down the hole? Oh, God.
- [laughing]
523
00:41:41,625 --> 00:41:46,542
[friend 2] Have you read American Psycho?
He does the worst shit.
524
00:41:47,834 --> 00:41:49,375
- It's fucking--
- [friend 3] Does he? Does he now?
525
00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:52,208
- [friend 2] No, okay, so in one part--
- [friend 1] Guy kills a lot of people.
526
00:41:52,208 --> 00:41:54,750
- [friend 2] No, it's not like the movie.
- [friend 3] Definitely psychotic.
527
00:41:54,750 --> 00:41:57,166
The movie is PG compared to the book.
528
00:41:58,458 --> 00:42:01,041
[Annie] At Bard,
we have a narrative form of feedback
529
00:42:01,041 --> 00:42:02,709
that's really, really interesting,
530
00:42:02,709 --> 00:42:05,208
because it's also like a mini ethnography
531
00:42:05,208 --> 00:42:07,583
where the professor writes notes
on the student,
532
00:42:07,583 --> 00:42:09,208
and not just on their work,
533
00:42:09,208 --> 00:42:11,959
but on what they'll call
their "class citizenship,"
534
00:42:11,959 --> 00:42:14,250
and even their deportment,
how they carry themselves.
535
00:42:15,291 --> 00:42:19,917
And so then, when I saw your grades,
talked a lot about you leaving class,
536
00:42:19,917 --> 00:42:23,291
showing up late, seeming distracted.
537
00:42:24,041 --> 00:42:27,500
You know, I said, "Well, first of all,
you have to be on time.
538
00:42:27,500 --> 00:42:29,792
You have to talk in every class."
539
00:42:29,792 --> 00:42:33,500
And this is something that I feel really
conflicted about even saying aloud
540
00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:35,166
because it's so loaded.
541
00:42:35,667 --> 00:42:38,583
But I said, like,
you can't wear belly shirts to class.
542
00:42:39,083 --> 00:42:40,458
And you were shocked.
543
00:42:40,458 --> 00:42:43,083
I said you can't even leave class
to go to the bathroom.
544
00:42:43,083 --> 00:42:46,208
And you were, like, "What?"
And I said, "Yeah, you can't. You can't."
545
00:42:47,208 --> 00:42:48,959
Maybe someone else can, but you can't.
546
00:43:00,208 --> 00:43:02,750
So I'm not passing judgment
on whether or not that's right or wrong.
547
00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:08,417
In fact, like, it's deeply problematic
and it reflects centuries of violence.
548
00:43:09,709 --> 00:43:12,667
At the same time,
it's also a necessary way
549
00:43:12,667 --> 00:43:16,250
to navigate these institutions, um,
to get the grades that you deserve,
550
00:43:16,250 --> 00:43:21,041
and to be seen
within this sort of landscape,
551
00:43:21,041 --> 00:43:25,792
this pastoral landscape
that promises to be a utopia,
552
00:43:25,792 --> 00:43:30,125
but is actually configured
and operates in ways
553
00:43:30,125 --> 00:43:32,166
that are very much like the rest
of the world,
554
00:43:32,166 --> 00:43:33,667
the rest of the United States,
555
00:43:34,709 --> 00:43:37,959
and that very much function
within the logic of the body.
556
00:43:40,625 --> 00:43:42,792
Professors immediately started
treating you differently.
557
00:43:42,792 --> 00:43:44,417
Your grades immediately went up.
558
00:43:45,125 --> 00:43:49,083
You did not doubt any of what I said,
which you totally could've done.
559
00:43:49,083 --> 00:43:51,375
You totally could've been like,
"Annie, this is ridiculous."
560
00:43:51,375 --> 00:43:52,875
And you would've had a point.
561
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,166
And you'd have a--
562
00:43:55,166 --> 00:43:57,208
You'd have actually a really,
really good point.
563
00:44:20,166 --> 00:44:22,166
[birds squawking]
564
00:44:27,542 --> 00:44:31,458
{\an8}[Beba] Annie convinces the Board to let me
do a semester abroad in Ghana...
565
00:44:31,458 --> 00:44:34,000
{\an8}["Bewaa Song #3" playing]
566
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,667
...despite my academic probation.
567
00:44:39,959 --> 00:44:43,208
It's the land
of revolutionary Pan-Africanist,
568
00:44:43,792 --> 00:44:45,208
Kwame Nkrumah.
569
00:44:47,542 --> 00:44:51,792
The first Prime Minister
of decolonized Africa.
570
00:44:56,083 --> 00:44:58,875
[crickets chirping]
571
00:44:58,875 --> 00:45:01,333
My host mother nicknames me "Foreigner."
572
00:45:03,709 --> 00:45:06,250
"You're an American," she says.
573
00:45:07,709 --> 00:45:09,792
I tell her I'm first generation.
574
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,834
She laughs and tells me
not to talk while I'm eating.
575
00:45:19,125 --> 00:45:20,333
From the tro-tro,
576
00:45:21,166 --> 00:45:27,208
I see a shirtless man cutting sugarcane
with a machete.
577
00:45:31,208 --> 00:45:33,000
There, I see the mannerisms.
578
00:45:34,875 --> 00:45:36,417
There, I see my father.
579
00:46:04,750 --> 00:46:06,750
[guitar strumming]
580
00:46:06,750 --> 00:46:08,834
[chattering]
581
00:46:16,125 --> 00:46:18,375
[applause, cheers]
582
00:46:18,375 --> 00:46:20,458
- [musician 1] Hello, hi.
- [musician 2] Everyone's mike is on.
583
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,709
- Hello. Hello. Hello.
- Hi.
584
00:46:22,709 --> 00:46:23,875
- Everyone good?
- [Beba] Hello?
585
00:46:23,875 --> 00:46:25,250
[musician 1] Yeah, great. Thank you.
586
00:46:25,750 --> 00:46:26,750
[musician 3] Everyone?
587
00:46:26,750 --> 00:46:28,083
- Yeah. We're on.
- [musician 3] Beautiful.
588
00:46:28,083 --> 00:46:30,500
Audrey, I want you, baby.
589
00:46:30,500 --> 00:46:32,709
- [laughing]
- [guitar playing]
590
00:46:32,709 --> 00:46:33,875
[musician 4] You're starting?
591
00:46:33,875 --> 00:46:35,542
[musician 3] I'm starting?
Yeah, that's right.
592
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,458
♪ Cocaine ♪
593
00:46:44,333 --> 00:46:49,875
♪ Cocaine running round my heart
Running round my brain ♪
594
00:46:49,875 --> 00:46:51,208
♪ Cocaine ♪
595
00:46:53,041 --> 00:46:55,709
♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪
596
00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:03,917
♪ I woke up this morning
Lord, I had a hungry pang ♪
597
00:47:03,917 --> 00:47:07,417
♪ And all I want for breakfast
Is some good cocaine ♪
598
00:47:07,417 --> 00:47:08,875
♪ Cocaine ♪
599
00:47:08,875 --> 00:47:10,375
- Whoo!
- [cheers]
600
00:47:10,375 --> 00:47:13,375
♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪
601
00:47:17,083 --> 00:47:19,166
♪ Cocaine ♪
602
00:47:19,166 --> 00:47:24,458
♪ Cocaine running round my heart
Running round my brain ♪
603
00:47:24,458 --> 00:47:26,083
♪ Cocaine ♪
604
00:47:27,458 --> 00:47:30,792
♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪
605
00:47:34,250 --> 00:47:36,291
♪ Cocaine ♪
606
00:47:36,291 --> 00:47:41,792
♪ Cocaine running round my heart
Running round my brain ♪
607
00:47:41,792 --> 00:47:43,208
♪ Cocaine ♪
608
00:47:44,792 --> 00:47:47,667
♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪
609
00:47:49,166 --> 00:47:51,583
♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪
610
00:47:53,417 --> 00:47:56,959
♪ Oh, you ol' cocaine ♪
611
00:47:56,959 --> 00:47:59,041
[applause, cheering]
612
00:48:06,625 --> 00:48:09,667
[thunder rumbles]
613
00:48:32,125 --> 00:48:36,250
[person 1] This guy looks like he's up to
no good or he's on drugs or something.
614
00:48:38,250 --> 00:48:41,500
It's raining, and he's just
walking around, looking about.
615
00:48:41,500 --> 00:48:43,500
- [officer 1] Whatever he's on...
- [officer 2] Okay. Bye.
616
00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:45,041
[officer 1] ...he has incredible strength.
617
00:48:45,041 --> 00:48:46,750
[officer 3] Yeah, crazy strength.
618
00:49:00,875 --> 00:49:04,834
[reporter] Is this a bored child
or a threat to public safety?
619
00:49:06,208 --> 00:49:09,375
Someone who saw him pacing around
in Cleveland Park
620
00:49:09,375 --> 00:49:11,834
was worried enough to call the police.
621
00:49:13,583 --> 00:49:18,583
A patrol car arrives at the scene,
and seconds later...
622
00:49:19,083 --> 00:49:23,667
[officer 1] Shot fired. Male down.
Black male. Maybe 20.
623
00:49:24,458 --> 00:49:26,875
[driver] You gonna-- You threatening
to drag me out my own car?
624
00:49:26,875 --> 00:49:28,959
[person 2] He didn't do nothing, man.
He didn't do nothing!
625
00:49:28,959 --> 00:49:30,875
[officer 2] I have to stop you
because you're suspicious.
626
00:49:30,875 --> 00:49:32,542
[officer 3]
You gotta stop behind the white stop bar.
627
00:49:32,542 --> 00:49:33,667
[person 3] Stop bar? Stop this.
628
00:49:33,667 --> 00:49:36,125
- [officer 4] Hand me the car keys.
- [driver] For a failure to signal?
629
00:49:36,125 --> 00:49:38,166
-You're doing this for a failure--
- [officer 5] Get over there!
630
00:49:38,166 --> 00:49:40,083
- [person 4] Killed that boy for no r--
- [person 5] Hey!
631
00:49:40,083 --> 00:49:44,000
[officer 6] Step out or I will remove you.
I'm giving you a lawful order.
632
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:45,750
- [officer 7] Face away from me.
- [officer 6] Get out of the car!
633
00:49:45,750 --> 00:49:46,834
[officer 7] Face away from me.
634
00:49:46,834 --> 00:49:48,625
[person 1]
A dark hoodie, like a gray hoodie,
635
00:49:48,625 --> 00:49:52,625
and either jeans or sweat pants
and white tennis shoes.
636
00:49:52,625 --> 00:49:54,166
[dispatcher] Are you following him?
637
00:49:54,750 --> 00:49:55,583
[person 1] Yeah.
638
00:49:55,583 --> 00:49:57,333
[dispatcher] Okay,
we don't need you to do that.
639
00:49:58,834 --> 00:50:00,583
[person 6] I'm very happy with the support
that we're getting
640
00:50:00,583 --> 00:50:02,583
from the Police Department.
I did nothing wrong,
641
00:50:02,583 --> 00:50:05,000
and this trial will show
that I did nothing wrong
642
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,417
and I'm looking forward to it.
643
00:50:15,417 --> 00:50:17,458
[friend 1] Yo, did you see
Russell Westbrook last night?
644
00:50:18,709 --> 00:50:21,041
You have a score, like 47... And like--
645
00:50:21,542 --> 00:50:24,667
There's 47, 15 rebounds
and, like, 11 assists.
646
00:50:24,667 --> 00:50:26,750
- [friend 2] Oh, my God.
- [friend 3] What are you talking about?
647
00:50:26,750 --> 00:50:28,917
- [friend 1] He's continuing to fucking...
- [friend 3] About football?
648
00:50:28,917 --> 00:50:30,458
- Basketball.
- [friend 3] Oh, basketball.
649
00:50:30,458 --> 00:50:31,709
[friend 1] Sorry.
650
00:50:33,625 --> 00:50:35,792
[friend 2] I think it's cool
that some of those players are,
651
00:50:35,792 --> 00:50:38,792
like, talking about... you know.
652
00:50:38,792 --> 00:50:40,458
- The shit that's going on?
- [friend 2] Yeah.
653
00:50:40,959 --> 00:50:43,792
- [friend 1] Yeah. That's true.
- [friend 2] Agree. Agree.
654
00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:46,250
- I mean...
- [friend 1] There's so many players who--
655
00:50:46,250 --> 00:50:48,500
- [friend 3] I don't agree.
- [friend 1] ...and so many more, like...
656
00:50:49,583 --> 00:50:50,750
There's definitely.
657
00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:53,458
There is movement happening.
And there needs--
658
00:50:53,458 --> 00:50:57,500
Certain cultural shifts have happened
in the last 20 years that, like--
659
00:50:57,500 --> 00:51:02,250
There are more opportunities now
for Black people than there were--
660
00:51:02,250 --> 00:51:04,417
- [friend 2] Oh, for sure.
- ...than having more people to--
661
00:51:04,417 --> 00:51:07,333
for, like, young Black kids
to look up to and stuff like that.
662
00:51:07,333 --> 00:51:08,417
It's good, and--
663
00:51:08,417 --> 00:51:10,709
- [friend 2] I don't know if it means--
- [friend 1] I mean, white people--
664
00:51:10,709 --> 00:51:14,291
The position that you have to be in
to say something like that is just...
665
00:51:15,375 --> 00:51:17,125
astounding.
666
00:51:17,125 --> 00:51:18,917
[friend 2] Dude, give me a brick.
You know what? Give me a brick
667
00:51:18,917 --> 00:51:21,542
and tell me which building
that I should throw it at and all,
668
00:51:21,542 --> 00:51:23,375
if that's what I need to do,
but I think the--
669
00:51:23,375 --> 00:51:24,792
- What we should be doing--
- [friend 3] Don't worry.
670
00:51:24,792 --> 00:51:26,208
- You gonna throw air?
- What do you mean?
671
00:51:26,208 --> 00:51:27,709
- No.
- [friend 2] What is front lines?
672
00:51:27,709 --> 00:51:29,208
Like-- Like front line?
673
00:51:29,208 --> 00:51:31,667
If people don't want me in the fight,
then what am I gonna, like--
674
00:51:31,667 --> 00:51:33,834
You know, it's, like,
I'm not saying reverse racism,
675
00:51:33,834 --> 00:51:37,667
because I think
that that's a stupid thing.
676
00:51:37,667 --> 00:51:43,041
[friend 2] It's kinda, like... frivolous
or just, like, energy expenditure to just,
677
00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:45,375
throw things at cops and, like, break--
678
00:51:45,375 --> 00:51:46,959
You know, and, like, riot and shit.
679
00:51:46,959 --> 00:51:49,625
What are you talking about though?
You're making no sense.
680
00:51:49,625 --> 00:51:52,333
[friend 2] I'm not the enemy.
I didn't say this. Obama said this.
681
00:51:52,333 --> 00:51:54,917
I didn't even say-- Like,
I'm just repeating what he said.
682
00:51:54,917 --> 00:51:58,542
- [friend 1] We're working on it.
- Do you understand...
683
00:52:00,667 --> 00:52:05,667
the deeply entrenched dehumanization
684
00:52:06,333 --> 00:52:07,792
in the idea of progress?
685
00:52:07,792 --> 00:52:09,417
Like, do you understand that?
686
00:52:11,458 --> 00:52:16,709
If that's how you are just gonna view me
right now, then, I feel a little, like--
687
00:52:17,208 --> 00:52:20,500
I don't know how to, like,
enter this conversation, honestly.
688
00:52:22,583 --> 00:52:24,667
- [friend 2] What do you mean?
- [friend 3] Hey, just saying.
689
00:52:24,667 --> 00:52:28,458
Yeah, absolutely. I have no idea about,
like, the Black experience or...
690
00:52:28,458 --> 00:52:30,959
- We were sharing ideas. We have a goal.
- [friend 3] I'm feeling the hostility.
691
00:52:30,959 --> 00:52:33,125
We're allies here.
We're trying to figure this out together.
692
00:52:33,125 --> 00:52:36,417
- We're talking strategies about how--
- How long is this process gonna take?
693
00:52:36,417 --> 00:52:40,625
Because it's been some 400 odd years,
and from what I see, in the process--
694
00:52:40,625 --> 00:52:42,834
- I need you to stop interrupting.
- [friend 1] Yeah. All right.
695
00:52:42,834 --> 00:52:44,917
I'm not saying that I'm not privileged.
I'm just saying--
696
00:52:44,917 --> 00:52:48,792
[friend 1] We need to chill out right now,
because it's turning into a little bit--
697
00:52:48,792 --> 00:52:50,917
- I'm not saying we need more police.
- [friend 1] When you turn on the news,
698
00:52:50,917 --> 00:52:54,500
and they talk about, like, a Black person
killing another Black person,
699
00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:57,291
when there's just as many,
or more, instances that...
700
00:52:57,291 --> 00:52:58,542
So what should I do?
701
00:52:58,542 --> 00:53:00,875
Why do I have to answer that question
for you?
702
00:53:00,875 --> 00:53:05,166
And it's, like, I'm not the answer
to fucking white supremacy.
703
00:53:05,166 --> 00:53:07,375
Why don't you fucking figure out
what you have to do?
704
00:53:07,375 --> 00:53:09,625
You're a fucking white man. Figure it out.
705
00:53:09,625 --> 00:53:11,125
Yes, that's true.
706
00:53:11,709 --> 00:53:14,834
That was a--
That was an oversimplification that--
707
00:53:14,834 --> 00:53:16,959
I think that was a stupid thing
that you said.
708
00:53:16,959 --> 00:53:18,875
[friend 2] What are you-- Stupid what?
What was stupid?
709
00:53:18,875 --> 00:53:21,917
[friend 1] Just-- Like, within the context
of what we're talking about.
710
00:53:21,917 --> 00:53:23,875
- [friend 2] Murdering somebody?
- [friend 1] It's not as simple.
711
00:53:23,875 --> 00:53:25,417
- [friend 2] I murdered somebody?
- You know what I mean?
712
00:53:25,417 --> 00:53:26,583
- [friend 1] It's not--
- [Beba] Yo, I'm out.
713
00:53:26,583 --> 00:53:28,625
You're oversimplifying.
Also, we're trying to con--
714
00:53:28,625 --> 00:53:30,542
- [friend 2] I killed somebody with words?
- Wait. Let's not--
715
00:53:30,542 --> 00:53:32,667
[friend 2] No, no, no.
Wait, where are you going, man?
716
00:53:53,417 --> 00:53:56,417
[woman on PA, indistinct]
717
00:54:05,667 --> 00:54:08,125
[Beba]
Fuck Annie's respectability politics.
718
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:14,959
There is nothing honorable
about trying to assimilate into a system
719
00:54:14,959 --> 00:54:17,500
that is designed to destroy you.
720
00:54:22,041 --> 00:54:24,417
[slow music playing]
721
00:54:46,458 --> 00:54:49,959
[Beba] I stem from a Black man
with worker's hands,
722
00:54:51,917 --> 00:54:54,750
weary breaths and a regal stance.
723
00:54:55,959 --> 00:54:59,375
I'm equipped with the melanin
to confront these lies,
724
00:55:00,375 --> 00:55:03,792
complex and juicy
while they venture my demise.
725
00:55:05,291 --> 00:55:06,542
Black woman fine,
726
00:55:08,083 --> 00:55:12,041
ripe with forgiveness in me,
despite human history.
727
00:55:13,917 --> 00:55:19,000
Rageful, so my sanity murders
these reasons to be hateful.
728
00:55:22,375 --> 00:55:26,208
God, bring me back Black every time.
729
00:55:50,750 --> 00:55:55,667
I've graduated from college,
and I'm back in New York City.
730
00:56:10,417 --> 00:56:15,792
I move into my aunt's house in Brooklyn
and sleep on her dining room floor.
731
00:56:20,333 --> 00:56:22,000
My friends move in together
732
00:56:22,583 --> 00:56:25,083
and start working
for each other's parents.
733
00:56:25,083 --> 00:56:27,166
[computer beeping]
734
00:56:35,208 --> 00:56:37,667
Opening night at Baby Grand is a blast.
735
00:56:39,750 --> 00:56:41,250
I black out for most of it.
736
00:56:52,500 --> 00:56:54,875
I spend the day at the Russian Baths.
737
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,750
I'm feeling isolated,
738
00:57:06,375 --> 00:57:08,000
but at least I have Michael.
739
00:57:11,333 --> 00:57:15,750
We first meet at our mutual friend's
punk show in Williamsburg.
740
00:57:17,458 --> 00:57:22,041
A few months later, I run into him
at 4:00 a.m. on the L train.
741
00:57:25,291 --> 00:57:27,208
After that, he asks me out,
742
00:57:28,250 --> 00:57:32,917
and every day,
I say no for an entire year.
743
00:57:38,625 --> 00:57:41,083
I've never seen romance close-up before.
744
00:57:42,458 --> 00:57:45,583
But finally, I agree.
745
00:57:51,792 --> 00:57:55,959
Michael, expelled from private school.
746
00:57:57,792 --> 00:58:02,083
A Bronx kid with origins in India
and Puerto Rico.
747
00:58:04,041 --> 00:58:07,625
With bipolar disorder and X-ray vision.
748
00:58:07,625 --> 00:58:09,709
[birds chirping]
749
00:58:13,542 --> 00:58:15,375
[imitating Michael]
"One day we'll have babies
750
00:58:16,667 --> 00:58:18,917
and start an urban farm uptown.
751
00:58:21,041 --> 00:58:24,709
And you'll, like, wear silk
around the house and shit."
752
00:58:41,834 --> 00:58:43,583
Three months after we break up,
753
00:58:45,208 --> 00:58:47,792
he jumps off the George Washington Bridge
754
00:58:48,625 --> 00:58:50,959
near the park where we had our first date.
755
00:59:04,959 --> 00:59:07,959
[Latin music playing]
756
00:59:20,583 --> 00:59:22,583
[deejay speaking on PA, indistinct]
757
00:59:39,834 --> 00:59:43,875
[in Spanish] I'm tired of crying
758
00:59:45,208 --> 00:59:47,834
and you haven't appeared.
759
00:59:50,959 --> 00:59:55,709
I don't know if I should curse you
760
00:59:56,375 --> 00:59:59,542
or if I should cry - pray for you.
761
01:00:01,959 --> 01:00:06,250
Black pigeon,
black pigeon
762
01:00:06,250 --> 01:00:09,917
where, where could you be?
763
01:00:13,417 --> 01:00:20,375
Don't play around
with my vagabond pride
764
01:00:24,083 --> 01:00:29,458
since your affection
should've been mine
765
01:00:29,458 --> 01:00:32,625
and no one else's.
766
01:00:35,625 --> 01:00:40,250
Although I love you madly
767
01:00:40,875 --> 01:00:44,458
you'll never come back.
768
01:00:46,750 --> 01:00:49,375
Black pigeon
769
01:00:49,375 --> 01:00:53,583
you are the grater--
of my pain
770
01:00:53,583 --> 01:00:56,291
I don't know what
the fuck that says.
771
01:00:57,375 --> 01:00:59,500
I want to be free
772
01:01:00,166 --> 01:01:02,125
to live my life
773
01:01:03,208 --> 01:01:05,667
with whomever I want.
774
01:01:07,834 --> 01:01:10,166
God give me the strength
775
01:01:10,542 --> 01:01:13,333
because I'm dying
776
01:01:13,333 --> 01:01:15,875
to go find him.
777
01:01:15,875 --> 01:01:17,208
[person, in English] Bravo!
778
01:01:17,709 --> 01:01:19,709
[deejay speaking Spanish]
779
01:01:19,709 --> 01:01:22,500
[applause, cheering]
780
01:01:27,417 --> 01:01:29,834
[person] Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
781
01:01:46,375 --> 01:01:48,375
[crickets chirping]
782
01:02:08,959 --> 01:02:10,458
[Beba] Lost as I am, I say.
783
01:02:13,750 --> 01:02:16,125
Vast as you are, they say.
784
01:02:22,500 --> 01:02:23,667
On a moonlit night,
785
01:02:25,291 --> 01:02:31,208
my ancestors come alive
in fluorescent paint on the earth.
786
01:02:36,875 --> 01:02:38,291
Lost as I am, I say.
787
01:02:40,959 --> 01:02:43,458
Vast as you are, they say.
788
01:02:51,709 --> 01:02:53,000
One of them winks at me.
789
01:02:55,083 --> 01:02:56,709
Another one spits on me.
790
01:02:59,542 --> 01:03:01,583
Lost as I am, I say.
791
01:03:03,542 --> 01:03:06,375
Vast as you are, they say.
792
01:03:23,875 --> 01:03:26,875
[siren wailing]
793
01:03:35,333 --> 01:03:39,333
[Beba] This is a little box of stuff
with mini playing cards.
794
01:03:41,792 --> 01:03:43,875
There's a rosary here.
795
01:03:45,375 --> 01:03:47,375
There's another rosary here.
796
01:03:49,166 --> 01:03:50,917
This house has mad rosaries.
797
01:03:51,750 --> 01:03:53,500
I've just turned 25.
798
01:03:53,500 --> 01:03:55,542
This is where all
the photo albums live.
799
01:03:56,125 --> 01:03:58,709
I move back home
because I don't know what else to do.
800
01:03:58,709 --> 01:03:59,792
It has a vibe.
801
01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:02,208
Can you feel, like,
there's a vibe in there?
802
01:04:02,208 --> 01:04:03,875
[upbeat music playing on speakers]
803
01:04:03,875 --> 01:04:08,041
I'm too busy being an artist to realize
my brother is ashamed we share a room.
804
01:04:09,417 --> 01:04:11,458
I don't know.
It's like the reason why I'm so...
805
01:04:12,125 --> 01:04:14,125
[Veronica, in Spanish]
Coño, get that thing out of here!
806
01:04:14,125 --> 01:04:16,875
[Beba, in English] Tonight, I'm going
to Sasha's Black love dinner.
807
01:04:16,875 --> 01:04:19,375
I feel like you don't listen
to what I say ever. It's absurd.
808
01:04:19,375 --> 01:04:21,583
[Veronica, in Spanish]
Coño, you can explain better.
809
01:04:21,583 --> 01:04:23,417
[Beba, in English] I know,
but you're in my way,
810
01:04:23,417 --> 01:04:25,083
so I don't know
how I'm supposed to do that.
811
01:04:25,083 --> 01:04:27,500
I ignore the fact
that I've taken my mother's bed.
812
01:04:27,500 --> 01:04:30,667
And there's a voice in my head
that I say in myself. I do that.
813
01:04:30,667 --> 01:04:32,166
She sleeps on the couch now.
814
01:04:32,166 --> 01:04:34,542
I secretly wanted to know
if there was coat check,
815
01:04:35,041 --> 01:04:37,959
'cause if there wasn't,
then nobody would see my outfit, right?
816
01:04:38,458 --> 01:04:41,542
I don't care. Daddy's happy I'm back.
817
01:04:42,250 --> 01:04:48,125
Mijita, you will always,
always talk way too much.
818
01:04:48,125 --> 01:04:49,917
Like, you don't know when to stop.
819
01:04:49,917 --> 01:04:51,959
[both laughing]
820
01:04:51,959 --> 01:04:54,917
[Beba] One of my New Year's resolutions
is to cook more,
821
01:04:55,583 --> 01:04:58,542
because I wanna make time for myself
for the ritual of cooking.
822
01:04:58,542 --> 01:05:00,875
It's really important
in, like, a self-care way.
823
01:05:00,875 --> 01:05:02,917
I know the ingredients
and the stuff I like,
824
01:05:02,917 --> 01:05:04,417
and I always buy the same thing.
825
01:05:04,417 --> 01:05:06,333
So we drove to Alex's h--
826
01:05:06,333 --> 01:05:07,417
[Veronica mutters]
827
01:05:09,792 --> 01:05:11,542
We drove, um--
828
01:05:12,500 --> 01:05:14,542
- Are you okay, Mommy?
- [Veronica] Yes, I am okay.
829
01:05:15,667 --> 01:05:18,417
[Beba] No. Can you actually try
and open your ears
830
01:05:18,417 --> 01:05:20,375
and listen to what I'm saying?
It's, like--
831
01:05:20,375 --> 01:05:22,667
[Veronica] Ay, Rebeca, ya.
No, I don't want to go there.
832
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:25,000
[Beba] Why?
833
01:05:25,500 --> 01:05:28,125
[Veronica] Uh, You have to-- You have to--
[speaks Spanish]
834
01:05:28,125 --> 01:05:34,000
Bring down several notches
that fucking aggressiveness to you.
835
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:35,166
[Veronica speaks Spanish]
836
01:05:35,166 --> 01:05:39,291
You bring down aggressiveness,
or we're not gonna be able to do this.
837
01:05:39,291 --> 01:05:41,333
- I'm sorry.
- [Beba] You don't think you're...
838
01:05:42,834 --> 01:05:44,083
[Veronica, in Spanish] 'Cause I'm leaving.
839
01:05:44,083 --> 01:05:46,625
- [Beba, in English] It's just absurd--
- [Veronica, in Spanish] That bothered me!
840
01:05:46,625 --> 01:05:48,542
Because I just got my treatment
841
01:05:48,542 --> 01:05:50,291
and I told the doctor:
"No, I have to walk."
842
01:05:50,917 --> 01:05:53,417
[in English] "Couldn't you just wait
until the things settle down?"
843
01:05:54,500 --> 01:05:56,750
You have to walk
all the way to the East Side?
844
01:05:58,333 --> 01:06:00,792
- You told me.
- [Beba] Why are you being manipulative?
845
01:06:00,792 --> 01:06:03,417
- [Veronica] Well, you told me.
- You are an autonomous human being.
846
01:06:03,417 --> 01:06:06,291
[Beba] In this relationship,
you are the dominant as the mother,
847
01:06:06,291 --> 01:06:07,500
so this is your fault.
848
01:06:07,500 --> 01:06:08,583
[Veronica] You remember that day?
849
01:06:08,583 --> 01:06:10,500
[Beba] If there's anybody's fault it is,
it's your fault.
850
01:06:10,500 --> 01:06:13,583
This is an honest conversation
about how you treat yourself.
851
01:06:13,583 --> 01:06:15,542
- It has nothing to do with me.
- [Veronica] Okay, yeah.
852
01:06:15,542 --> 01:06:18,625
[Beba] You-- You-- You took it this far.
You let it get this far.
853
01:06:19,125 --> 01:06:22,375
A friend gets me an interview
at a prestigious production company.
854
01:06:25,625 --> 01:06:28,875
The night before,
I call dibs on the first shower.
855
01:06:33,458 --> 01:06:34,875
When I wake up to get ready,
856
01:06:36,583 --> 01:06:39,625
my brother runs in front of me
and locks the door.
857
01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:46,917
First, I ask nicely.
858
01:06:51,542 --> 01:06:52,709
No response.
859
01:06:56,500 --> 01:06:58,834
He turns on the shower and puts music on.
860
01:07:03,792 --> 01:07:06,041
When I knock again, the music gets louder.
861
01:07:10,625 --> 01:07:12,542
I beg my mom to intervene.
862
01:07:18,208 --> 01:07:20,834
I sink into a blind rage
863
01:07:22,750 --> 01:07:25,959
as I watch the hour of the interview
come and go.
864
01:07:29,583 --> 01:07:32,000
Mommy scolds me for banging on the door.
865
01:07:35,917 --> 01:07:39,166
I turn around and choke her.
866
01:08:10,625 --> 01:08:12,625
[birds squawking]
867
01:08:22,166 --> 01:08:25,166
[water running]
868
01:08:59,333 --> 01:09:01,333
[Latin music playing on speakers]
869
01:09:16,166 --> 01:09:17,166
[horn honking]
870
01:09:35,542 --> 01:09:37,333
[Veronica, on phone]
What is she looking for?
871
01:09:41,125 --> 01:09:43,583
Why do you have to come
out and say all this shit
872
01:09:43,583 --> 01:09:45,417
that nobody has to know?
873
01:09:47,917 --> 01:09:50,458
Get over it.
Life is not easy.
874
01:09:53,583 --> 01:09:54,583
Coño.
875
01:09:54,583 --> 01:09:56,750
[horn honking]
876
01:10:13,959 --> 01:10:18,166
[James Baldwin] I can't be a pessimist...
because I'm alive.
877
01:10:21,333 --> 01:10:23,333
To be a pessimist means
that you have agreed
878
01:10:23,333 --> 01:10:25,458
that human life is an academic matter.
879
01:10:27,959 --> 01:10:29,458
So I'm forced to be an optimist.
880
01:10:29,458 --> 01:10:32,917
I'm forced to believe that we can survive
whatever we must survive.
881
01:10:54,458 --> 01:11:00,875
[Beba] In the observable universe, there
are approximately two trillion galaxies.
882
01:11:03,417 --> 01:11:07,166
So other life must exist.
883
01:11:11,875 --> 01:11:17,834
But to reach the nearest star
would take us 100,000 years.
884
01:11:23,291 --> 01:11:25,917
[insects chirping]
885
01:11:25,917 --> 01:11:27,417
On this planet,
886
01:11:29,041 --> 01:11:31,625
to make sense
of the vastness of our universe...
887
01:11:33,959 --> 01:11:36,667
we've created direction and time...
888
01:11:41,333 --> 01:11:43,625
which have evolved into social constructs
889
01:11:46,125 --> 01:11:47,750
and other systems of illusion...
890
01:11:49,792 --> 01:11:51,500
to give us importance,
891
01:11:52,458 --> 01:11:53,542
another illusion.
892
01:11:59,709 --> 01:12:05,000
Every day, we come together
in spectacular forms
893
01:12:06,959 --> 01:12:09,166
to uphold these metanarratives.
894
01:12:17,125 --> 01:12:18,834
[Veronica] When you have a kid,
895
01:12:19,291 --> 01:12:22,208
you're gonna realize
that this shit is true.
896
01:12:22,625 --> 01:12:24,083
This is love.
897
01:12:26,291 --> 01:12:29,166
Everything else is like, ok--
898
01:12:29,166 --> 01:12:31,166
But that's the real one.
899
01:12:33,625 --> 01:12:34,792
[Beba] On my mother's side,
900
01:12:36,083 --> 01:12:43,000
Venezolanos pass down passion,
resilience and crippling delusion.
901
01:12:46,041 --> 01:12:47,417
On my father's side,
902
01:12:49,125 --> 01:12:53,417
Dominicanos pass down courage, ambition...
903
01:12:55,875 --> 01:12:57,250
and abusive rage.
904
01:13:11,375 --> 01:13:12,375
Beba.
905
01:13:15,542 --> 01:13:16,542
Brave.
906
01:13:18,667 --> 01:13:19,667
Stubborn.
907
01:13:22,792 --> 01:13:23,959
Narcissistic.
908
01:13:27,375 --> 01:13:28,875
Chronically cruel.
909
01:13:35,875 --> 01:13:41,375
Existing is to hold space for all of this.
910
01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:48,834
I fear my family
will never talk to me again.
911
01:13:54,625 --> 01:13:55,625
I promise...
912
01:13:57,875 --> 01:13:59,959
this is the last time I'll snitch.
913
01:14:12,709 --> 01:14:17,667
[Audre Lorde]
Love as deeply as if it were forever.
914
01:14:18,458 --> 01:14:21,500
Only nothing is eternal.
915
01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:28,458
Speak proudly to your children,
wherever you may find them.
916
01:14:29,041 --> 01:14:34,041
Tell them you are the offspring of slaves,
917
01:14:34,041 --> 01:14:37,875
and your mother was
a princess in darkness.
918
01:16:52,041 --> 01:16:54,041
["Paloma Negra" playing]