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...We're here to judge a rock contest.
I give 14/20.
I don't know.
- 11. - Nor me.
- I give 11. - 14.
What about the fringes?
- Aren't they a hindrance? - Like a curtain.
The fringes play a part in the movement. They bring out the syncopations.
- Or minimize them. - Stop them.
Sometimes they're not moving much at all.
It's just that the fringes amplify the movement deceptively.
I think they were very intelligent
in that the twist is fringe music...
No, fringes are for country.
I thought I was in Los Angeles.
For me, twist is fringe music.
- It lacked variety... - If you twist, you got fringes.
Twist equals fringes.
Excuse me, Charlotte said...
Yanks invented rock.
- They joined in. - They're out.
- They joined in. - Out!
- Calm down. - It sucks.
The Yanks invented rock. The real rock music.
- How interesting. - No, it's not.
The real rock is when they knock the tables over.
- No... - I disagree!
With Laurence and Thierry, her limping
bothered me, then I wondered if her handicap was pretend.
Oh, yes, she was limping!
- You liked it? - I was stunned.
It's part of the charm of this contest. All of a sudden, someone turns up...
And breaks the codes.
Should we be doing positive discrimination?
- It's not the issue. - She has a physical problem,
so should we grade her up?
- That's not... - That's not it.
- Isn't that the bottom line? - No.
Aren't we the ones who limp?
Isn't she the one who walks and we limp?
- Laurence makes me think that. - Maybe there is
security footage so we can see
if they parked in a disabled space? Then, we'd know if...
That'd tell us...
- Who cares? - I want to know.
It doesn't matter!
She's disabled...
No, she's not disabled!
Stop putting people in little boxes:
disabled, able-bodied, whites, Americans, French...
It's just dance!
We're not handing out welfare checks!
Why do the disabled get parking spaces?
They have reserved parking spaces.
We're not all the same.
That's not the issue.
The disabled will soon have reserved spaces
in car parks and in rock contests!
So, they get special treatment... No!
You're saying France is full of scroungers.
We can't solve the problem.
Like the Paralympics, there should be Para-rock contests.
Depends on the disability.
- She should say she's disabled. - Yeah, right!
"I'm a disabled lesbian who voted for Macron!"
Let me ask you...
- What if she was mongoloid? - If she were.
What if she were?
So, where's the problem?
The mongoloid can dance to rock. I don't believe it!
I just don't!
It's hard... I've done workshops in special needs schools.
It's hard to direct... to dance with Down's syndrome kids.
- They can play the piano, sing... - Badly.
So, let's judge. What did you think?
Were you moved? Did you like it?
- Just like the others. - I refuse.
- I put 18. - I refuse to grade the disabled.
I have nothing against them.
- Yeah, right! - You're not for them!
- I'm not... - But they should stay home!
Well, let's invent the Para-Rock Games! A Para-Rock contest...
She wasn't in a wheelchair!
She wasn't dancing in a wheelchair!
Why are you making such a fuss?
They danced. You liked it or you didn't. Period.
I didn't see her disability. I saw someone with enormous courage!
Enormous! I think she has a hip problem.
She has extraordinary support from her partner.
He helps her overcome her handicap.
What courage! What courage
to come before us, before other people
who aren't handicapped!
That's magical! We love seeing that!
But in life, we're always hindered by people like you!
Why do we always have to fight people who prevent us from living?
From living!
We're still that backward!
Still that backward in 2020!
BLOODY ORANGES
Just one thing before we start.
Make diverse choices. That's important for the sponsor.
A couple of seniors are in the running. Choose them, if possible.
Thank you, everybody!
More! More! More!
- I really... - I have to meet my parents.
- Oh, do you? - Yes.
They're doing a dance contest in the sticks.
- A dance contest? - Yes, it's a thing for seniors.
Some dumb contest. Rock'n'roll, Madison...
That's so cool!
You haven't seen it.
It's pathetic. Old folks dancing... Worse than your mom stripping!
Dancing, doing contests, giving it your all is great.
What a generation!
They refused to be parents and look after us.
Now they refuse to be grandparents.
They did fuck-all in the 70s other than all-day orgies.
Now we have to pay for their pensions, and they don't care about us.
We were made to play a reed-pipe, wear bell-bottoms, and shag sheep!
- Harsh! - It's hopeless.
What a selfish generation.
We put up with such shitty singers. It hardened us.
We knew that bad times lay ahead.
- I think differently. - Well, biologically,
you give life, so you can't have morbid tendencies.
- Really? - Whereas we men...
we're more outward-looking. I mean,
going out hunting, working, etc.
So, we're rooted in reality, we know the dangers.
That's why we have a good sense of direction.
You didn't go hunting, you stayed in the cave.
That's still in your genes. So, you get lost when you drive.
Whereas we're still...
There's very little difference between prehistoric man and modern man.
Your hands are weird, like a dwarf's hands.
- What? - Small, stubby, and hairy.
Look, same size though you're a man.
I like your build.
Normally... Well, not that I have rampant sex,
but I often sleep with men who are well-built, big and strong
whereas with you, it's as if...
Wait a minute.
...you're not a child, but you're feminine
with your little bones... - I'm still a man.
Yes, I'm not saying that, but it's funny.
You're malleable. I feel like I could...
throw you in the air! - I doubt it.
- I... - You're light.
I have photos I can show you.
- It looks like a... - Be careful.
A costume!
It costs over 300 euros.
I know what women are like with clothes.
It's nice fabric.
Well, it's classic black.
Guilty!
- Does it suit me? - Please put it back, you'll damage it.
No, don't mess around. If I'm in court and...
I'll put it back. It means a lot to you.
It's just that I need it for work.
The 3 qualifiers for the final are...
Cécile and Yvan, No. 5.
Marion and Léo, No. 14.
And some may be somewhat surprised by this...
The 3rd qualifiers are...
Laurence and Olivier, No. 8!
I don't believe it!
It's fantastic!
- See that, Dad? - Yes, son.
How about that?
Hats off to you!
We did it!
Thank you for coming here today.
It won't necessarily be an easy meeting
because the analysis of your situation raises questions.
We have to find solutions during this interview.
I'll go over it briefly, but I think...
I'll give you 3 figures.
Your account is overdrawn
by 2,800 euros.
That's a significant sum.
In a few days' time, the monthly payments of your 3 loans.
You have 78,000 euros of loans. 1,800 euros come out every month.
Your pension is just over 2,000 euros.
We need to take very precise stock
of your income, your expenses,
and how to reduce your expenses
because you're in a rather delicate situation.
Couldn't family members help you?
- Not really. - The children...
Good. Your children?
No, that's out of the question.
We leave them out of all that.
- We won't trouble them with that. - They have their own problems.
We want to preserve them.
What do you have in the way of assets?
- I told you. - Our house, the car...
Well, good. We have the solution.
- What? - Your house.
We've always lived there. We're not moving.
Maybe you could sell it or rent it out?
- No way. - We want to leave it to our kids.
You're leaving them debts, not a house.
Listen, we talked it over. We might have a solution.
My wife and I are rock dancing enthusiasts.
We're in a contest.
We qualified.
We qualified for the final.
And if we come first in the final,
we win an SUV.
I'd say it's worth 25 to 30,000 euros, maybe more.
- That's not bad. - Let me make sure I understand.
The solution you're suggesting
is to participate in a regional rock contest,
maybe win it, and get a vehicle
that you would sell to repay half your debts.
- That's it. - I see.
It's very hypothetical.
No, we stand a good chance of winning.
As for selling the house,
it could go 2 ways.
Either you put it up for sale and it sells for a normal price
or we obtain a court order
and we enforce the court's decision and the house is repossessed.
In that case, it will sell for a lot less.
I'll know more on Saturday.
And we'll have the solution. Or part of the solution.
You have to avoid the situation spiraling out of control.
The critical choices must be made now.
And Saturday is the longest we can wait.
Well, I'm sure... I'm optimistic.
We'll leave you 5 days, then.
I call for the responsibility of a universal France
that places reason above passion.
Many people, Mr. Secretary, are against your pension reform:
railway workers, teachers, air traffic controllers, police,
lawyers, students, nurses, garbage collectors, truck drivers...
They don't have the same status, salaries or pensions.
They are all, for different reasons, against your pension reform.
What do you say to them? That they're wrong? They misunderstood?
They're too negative? Or they're whining?
Mr. Secretary! How's it going?
It's been so long.
- You're still as handsome. - Are you well?
Alexandre.
And Norma.
My favorite Secretary!
- Very classy. - Hey, you've bulked up!
You rogue!
Look at him. Still just as sporty.
- What's going on? - So...
Norma.
So, I received a letter
from a bitch of a journalist.
Pardon me, miss.
I'd say the same of a man.
This little bitch
sends me a questionnaire,
asking if I have money abroad.
And... True or false?
- True. - True...
- Find a solution, Thierry. - True.
- It mustn't come out. - How much?
- Right? It mustn't come out.
- He can't hear me. How much? - I heard you. About 100,000 euros.
100, 200, 300? You need to tell us.
I forget. It's about 300. Let's say 300.
Anyway, I didn't steal it off anyone.
- A Secretary can't fall for this. - You're Finance Secretary.
Yes, that's the irony of fate. But enough is enough.
- This ends now. - You're not a fag?
You're...?
What's all this?
If I heard you'd beaten up Mathilde, say,
God forbid,
but we'd get away with it.
What's the connection?
The connection is that everything which can harm you interests us.
Anything in any field... That's how it works now.
I'm blameless, Thierry.
I invested the money a long time ago. I didn't steal it off anyone.
I've served France for 25 years. 25 years!
Body and soul! It's the truth.
I can't be blamed for having 100 grand or so...
Finance Secretary...
Money issues, foreign bank accounts...
Connection... Bang!
You explode. So, first of all, we must...
We'll make sure...
- What? - Be very calm. Don't move money around.
Don't call your banker, I mean it.
Say nothing to Mathilde.
Just be cool. Go out for a nice meal.
Go away for a couple of days. Be frivolous.
Do nothing. Just chill. Even as Secretary.
Don't start telling me what to do.
Yes, I will tell you what to do.
If you appear in the media, looking that stressed,
I'd think you're hiding something. - It's just us two.
Find a solution.
Stéphane, I'll find you a solution.
- I want to hear it. - I'm telling you.
Well, that's fine, then. Thierry, look me in the eye.
- Yes. - We'll do it.
Sure. You know I love you.
That's what I want to hear.
He's impossible!
That's what I want to hear, Thierry, dammit!
Now then...
I can't find my saw.
I'm joking. It's your first time.
It won't hurt
because we don't use a speculum to examine girls
who haven't had intercourse, so I'll just see if it all looks OK.
It looks very good, very pretty.
- How old are you? - 16.
16... It's still very pretty at 16. It's nice n' pink.
No bad smells?
A shrimpy smell?
If you sniff...? No.
Any discharge?
Yes, sometimes.
Whitish chewing gum in your panties?
- Yes. - Sticky little clumps? It's nothing.
It all looks fine.
You're familiar with the organs? Have you taken a look?
- No... - Never bent over a mirror?
Hang on.
Look what I'll do for you.
Why should only the boys see it? Look.
Isn't it pretty?
Yes...
It is pretty. It doesn't stay like that for long.
You have the 2 labia.
They're perfectly proportioned as you're young.
Later on, one of them always turns into a piece of old steak
that's a bit grey. Make the most of it because it doesn't last.
This part, the clitoris, this little triangle
needs to be stimulated to produce cyprine
so that intercourse is... you know... fluid,
nice n' slippery. That's very important.
I always tell girls to go snail hunting before cooking the sausage.
And don't cut the parsley till the snails have drooled.
It has to be all wet before penetration.
OK.
- Alright? - Yes.
Are you worried
about having intercourse?
Yes, I'm a bit scared and...
I don't know how it'll go. Will it hurt?
Yes, the first time, it's always painful,
unpleasant, full of misunderstandings,
very disappointing.
- OK. - There you are.
What about foreplay? I mean...
With the boy, how do I...
touch him?
There aren't 50 ways
to grasp a penis.
Pretty naturally, you will grip it in your fingers.
And you'll see that as it would be stupid to do that,
you'll go up and down.
Don't worry too much about that.
It'll happen naturally. Excuse me...
I'm feeling bloated after a heavy lunch and I have acid reflux.
It'll pass. Any other questions?
Well, I was wondering what I do
if the condom stays inside
once we've finished.
That can happen, but it's rare.
But don't worry, it's not serious.
- OK? - Yes.
It'll pass. It was full of onions.
I can't stand them.
What happens in that case is that the condom comes out on its own.
The next day, at some time or other,
you think: "Do I have a dead mouse in my panties?" No, it's the condom.
It's not at all serious.
- Well... - Is that all?
Yes.
So, who's this boy?
Uh, he's a bit older
than me. He's left school.
And our paths cross from time to time.
I think he's so handsome.
I really want him, but I don't know if it's... mutual.
That's the spice of life!
You'll see...
in due course. Where are you seeing him?
There's a party...
this weekend. He should be going.
- Will there be alcohol? - Yes.
It'll be mutual, then!
Ladies and gentlemen.
I was
with the PM.
We need 22 billion.
We have
2 months to do it.
So, we have a month to present a feasible project.
Any cuts are possible, but solidarity comes first.
We mustn't divide
the French. Obviously, we want a united country.
- Obviously. - Shoot!
We all want a united country.
You can increase university fees.
That'll bring in 3 to 5 billion.
If you double them, that'll raise a lot.
It's not very popular, but...
Forget popularity for now. Let's brainstorm, then we'll see.
Students aren't key voters...
Foreign students' fees?
What about saying:
"Free studies if you succeed"? - Not bad.
- You pay it back. - You pay back your grant.
- What else? - A clampdown on welfare fraud.
Absolutely.
There's a lot to be done on tax fraud. There's room for progress.
Let's go with welfare fraud,
to start with.
To pick up on what Hector said,
we can do away with subsidized school meals
for the unemployed.
All these kids of the unemployed who eat subsidized school meals...
The parents do nothing - they can cook for them.
There are 700,000 single mothers. Are they all single?
They give nothing in return.
They just take.
- They take, take. - Pastries, for example!
They're delicious.
What happened to solidarity?
Solidarity makes me think of pensions.
Pensions cost 13.5% of the budget.
The European average is 12. That's a good yardstick.
We have no idea of the fraud among old people.
Seniors cheat a lot more than you think.
46% of benefits are pensions.
They vote for us, so we mustn't antagonize them.
We have to give them something in exchange.
We should go after the rich and the poor.
We antagonize the left and the right and appear above them.
We're fair and we're acting for the common good.
People want you to initiate strong structural reforms.
We must be green and digital.
Greedy and digital?
No, the color green.
What if we tax abortions?
Oh, no!
- Bad idea? - You're going too far.
You must never...
overlook arrogance.
Never overlook it.
- I've never... - You must be arrogant at times.
The modesty and humility
vaunted by our dear petit-bourgeois politicians...
is shit.
Be arrogant.
Listen up because you seem humble.
Beware of your humility.
- You're too modest. - I have to work on it.
No, but...
You look at me with love, I receive it.
Try love without humility.
Am I humble?
I can tell you love me, but I can tell you're holding it back.
But only just.
I can see it forming on your cheeks. It's cute.
It's very touching.
I adore it.
- It's because... - I'm hard.
No, it's because I like you. I really like you. I love you.
And you love me. So, say it.
Yes, well, I...
- What do we say? - It's just that being in a restaurant...
Never declared your love in a restaurant?
Well, it's not really love.
- It's more than that. - How so?
Sexually speaking, are you...
Is that definite? Ah!
- It's not definite! - It is.
You're not sure yet?
- Well, I mean... - What gets you hard?
- Normal stuff. - Really hard!
Depends on the situation.
It does, does it?
Interesting. "Depends on the situation."
It's not one thing, it's a context.
- A context. - A landscape...
For example, a sizzling hot broad...
may not make you hard...
OK, there are people here. Let me tell you something.
You must never be politically correct.
Always be borderline indecent.
Not completely indecent.
Borderline. Flirt with indecency.
Be scandalous.
Be controversial.
Be a topic of discussion.
Then, you'll be the subject of thought.
So, you become a problem.
People wonder about you.
That's good.
Move it, bitch!
Move that crap outta the way!
Dumb fuck!
Little whore!
Slut!
Cocksucker!
Got a saddle? Riding without a saddle, slut!
Look, shut up!
Just shut the fuck up, OK?
Get out of here or I'll waste ya!
Asshole!
Here he is, here he is at last!
Sorry, the SatNav couldn't find it.
That's what we were saying.
- For once you have an excuse! - Where did you find this place?
Oh, come on...
What've you done to your hair?
It looks pretty.
They put trams everywhere!
That's the way it is now.
- Eco-Nazism! - It's the sticks.
If you're not on a bike, single, no kids, you're in the shit!
Cars are taboo!
- It's the stress of Paris. - No, it's not. Come off it.
- Hello to you, too. - Didn't I say hello? Well, hi.
- You haven't put on weight? - No, Mom.
I won't put on weight, I work hard.
- Relax. - You work?!
- You're tense. - I'm relaxed!
A drink over here.
- If you worked, you'd know. - As if we didn't work.
- We work, and we're here. - We don't do the same work.
We'll have a nice time.
You do nothing and make money!
You do nothing? He agrees with me. I do everything!
It's a joke. Can't you provincials take a joke?
Provincials!
His venom sacs are still full!
Says the snobby Parisian!
A cocktail.
The criminal underworld must be rubbing off on you!
It's not TV.
- Cheers. - Sorry, I already drank.
- Good health. - We have good cause to celebrate.
Sure you do. Let's give you our gifts.
- Come on. - Already?
No time like the present.
Why did you choose this dive? It's like Ceausescu in '84.
- It's Mom's 60th, after all. - It wasn't easy to find.
It's not because no-one can find it.
What can it be?
- It's a sample... - Great. I'd finished it.
- It's your scent. - It's the same gift every year.
- She likes it. I can't go wrong. - Thanks, hon.
Mom, I don't have a gift.
Here's a check. It's more convenient.
- I can't accept it. - Classy!
Why not do a money transfer?!
A standing order!
- It's blank. - Should I have given a gift like yours?
It's the thought that counts!
Let's sing.
Anthony...
Stop it, dammit!
Embarrassing!
Why not do a conga?
- It's not embarrassing. - It's fun.
Sorry, it's called education, politeness and discretion.
We had the same education.
Since we were kids, when we enter a restaurant...
Next year, we'll get you a massage.
Olive?
Stop teasing him. He's touchy.
- He sure is. - Stop it.
This shows it's a shithole. Where did you find it?
- 2 euros, tops. - It's exotic.
Mango juice...
It's alcohol free. Good for drivers.
We have a set menu.
I don't have my glasses.
Chicken supreme.
Is that all there is?
- And a floating island. - Love it.
- Can't we choose? - No.
But if you insist, go à la carte.
We chose this.
In a restaurant, you choose what you want.
- Yes, but it's a pain choosing... - You got conned.
It saves time as we're late!
It's not a communist place. It's absurd.
Alexandre eats lobster for breakfast!
- That's not it. - So, an all-in menu isn't for him.
I just think it's strange we can't choose.
- It's my digestive system! - It's on us.
They got conned.
No, they prepared it all.
It's her 60th.
We're eating pâté for her 60th!
I'm sorry. Forgive us.
We chose the menu.
No, they made you think you decided.
It's a democratic dictatorship.
- You're complicated. - Stop the histrionics.
- You are. - Eating pâté is!
Listen to you!
Raise our glasses again.
"We're not going to eat pâté!" Let's hear it.
How do you sell apartments?
- With a smile. - A smile?
- The opposite of you. - And hypocrisy.
- Hey, you two. - I plead for truth.
- It's very different. - What truth?
You wouldn't understand. You sell bathrooms for a living.
In your defense, Céline...
- Are you hungry? - ...isn't on form.
- Enough. - I'm hungry.
What?
- I'm hungry. - She's on her period.
- Funny guys. - She has it every day but 1.
Where's the waiter?
I'm not responsible for this.
- I can't hear them. - They're misogynistic jokes.
- Find me a new place. - When you overprotect boys...
Me? Are you criticizing me again?
I'm not saying it's the mothers' fault if boys are idiots.
- She's a feminist now. - Was I a misogynist?
Can you pass me a toothpick?
Menopause will calm your feminism.
What do you know about it?
- I know. - Have you been through it?
Clearly, his partners are!
- We never see them. - You a feminist?
I'm with several, not one.
We worry about you.
I'm with several.
His mother's the love of his life!
Isn't that right?
That's why he doesn't get married!
You don't feel good? With money...
No, you just talk about money.
Material things.
With a prosperous economy, people are happy.
Sorry, it's been refused.
- What's going on? - Nothing.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
- Anthony, use your card. - No, I have mine.
- There's no problem. - There is.
- If you can't... - I have mine.
- I said there isn't. - It's on me.
I need to go to the bank and change it.
- Is it demagnetized? - Yes, maybe.
- You put it with your coins. - Yeah.
There's no miracle solution.
Maybe not, but there are other solutions...
I believe you're very sporty.
Yes, I've played quite a lot of sport. Less so now, of course.
But I'm very keen on the values of sport, especially rugby.
Absolutely.
It has incredible values.
Men, a ball, a pitch.
A single project: put the ball behind the line.
That's what matters to me.
Wonderful!
We'll talk
about someone who's very important to you.
She is, of course, your prop.
I'm thinking of your wife, Mathilde.
Can you tell us how you two met?
I'm very curious!
It's the best encounter in my life as a man.
It happened...
through dance.
Dance? Do you dance?
- Argentine tango. - Very sensual.
And we danced
for 1 night, 2 nights...
And I continue to invite Mathilde every day
as life is a dance for me.
You're a dancer and a poet.
I try...
to enjoy life.
I believe you do!
Mr. Secretary, what is your biggest fault?
Telling the truth.
It's something I insist on.
I apply it to myself.
But I ask it of others, too.
It's not easy.
It is not.
I'd like to ask you, Stéphane...
if I may call you that.
Please do.
When did you cry for the last time?
When seeing pictures...
that everyone sees...
a bit too often.
Pictures of war.
Man's hatred...
weighs heavily on me.
You're moved?
Some subjects are tricky,
sensitive...
Oh, you've moved me, too!
That's alright.
The light's good. Split the log.
- Split the log? - Yes, then...
Look. No...
Just pretend.
- Squash or sweet potato? - Show me.
Yes, that's good.
- Which one? - You know the producer.
Look at the ax.
Yes, that's good.
Look at the log.
That's superb. Look at me.
Oh, yes.
Break down the movement.
3 looks: the ax, the log, and me.
Yes. That's good.
Now look at me.
Yes, that's good. We can see you.
Mathilde, you could be
even closer
to your husband.
Your hand on his knee, go ahead.
I'll tell you if it's too much.
The little laugh is good. Let's keep going.
Good. Less teeth...
Yes, good. That's it.
Let's imagine it's a bit later at night.
Your hair messed up.
Great. A new side to you.
The presidential look.
Look at me.
I see Mitterrand.
A modern Mitterrand.
Less the "I was in the wars" look.
Mathilde, we'll do it
in several stages: He's asleep.
His work tires him out. He needs something. Maybe he's cold.
And he wakes up. You look at each other. Let's go.
Go on. Empty your mind. That's it.
I see he's asleep.
You don't have to talk,
but there's no sound.
- Sorry. - It's OK if you express yourself.
Yes. And Mathilde, look at him, then turn back to me.
Yes. Look at me.
That surprised look is good.
"Who is this man? I know him well,
but I rediscover him every day." Again?
Yes, and look at me.
Yes, superb. I love that.
Let's do what I said.
We'll see if it works or not, but we'll have tried.
Wiggle your hips like that.
Go on. Like that.
- Can you do it? - Yes.
- Let me see. - No, come off it.
You're being an octopus!
- You're an octopus. - Stop it.
You're being a silly cow.
No, I'm not.
I'm making a suggestion.
Let's be serious.
I'll restart it.
- Go on. - What?
No, no, no...
That's it. Enough.
Make a pause.
Count the beats.
A second... I'm feeling dizzy.
- Jeez. Why don't you... - No...
Look at your thumbs like that very fast and turn around.
Like that...
It'll help you...
Go on, don't argue.
- No... - Go on.
I feel sick.
- Good. - It's lousy.
It's the other way around.
We face the jury. I'm just saying.
- The jury's there. - Next...
I'm just saying.
You're the one who guides.
Stop it.
Hey, I'm not an animal!
Yes, you are!
Honestly!
Never again, OK?
Never again.
You realize what you made me do?
It's huge.
We took a huge risk. Luckily, it's...
We stuck our hands in the shit.
We went all the way to the bottom
of the guts. And we eliminated it.
There won't be an article. The journalist...
It can't come back?
Not in 3 months, 6 months, 2 years, 10 years.
OK?
What?
He wants to kiss me?
- Well now! - Thank you, Thierry.
He's really happy.
He's happy. Look at a happy man.
Can you feel every fiber...
Oh, yes.
You'll sleep well tonight.
Idiot!
- OK? - Me?
Yes.
I thought you were talking...
Yes, but you're here.
- I'm hot. - You're hot?
- Yes, very. - Me too. I've had enough.
I hope he's a real guy who know what he's doing.
He mustn't do it
too fast!
He must break the rhythm!
It matters. When a guy takes it nice n' slow,
then he goes at it like a rabbit...
Then, he's good, you'll see.
- It'll be OK. - There's the embarrassing stuff.
You can do a queef.
It's an air bubble. Because it goes in and out...
What a gesture!
An air bubble can go...
- And you do a vaginal fart. - What happens?
- Nothing. It doesn't smell. - Don't stop.
He won't even notice with his balls on your butt.
Oh, Jeez!
When guys come, they go...
Girls are more demonstrative. They go...
Guys go...
They sound like they're shitting!
For real!
Who's the DJ tonight? I wanna dance.
- You're gonna dance? - Yeah, a real dance.
I've been doing squats for a month.
- Sexy dancing? - No, I ain't got time. Hold that.
More like this...
Wait a minute.
- Wait... - Can you do that?
Can you do that?
- I'll try. - Really?
- You wanna take me on? - Watch out!
Watch out!
She can gyrate!
"The old world is dying, the new world struggles to be born.
Now is the time of monsters."
So, to consume, budgetary choices must be made.
- We'll make sacrifices. - Where?
Vacations, restaurants...
I worked for 38 years.
Yes, I had to leave. A family meeting.
Yes, I let the driver go.
Sure. We'll speak tomorrow, Vincent.
Phone Marco.
Marco, it's me.
Yeah!
How many girls?
How old are they?
What nationality?
I'm not far. I'll be there in 30 minutes.
Phone home.
Yes, darling, I'll be back around 1 AM. I'm sorry.
We'll celebrate Jules's birthday tomorrow.
I love you, too. Love you, darling.
Oh, fuck!
Fucking hell!
Oh...
Home, Roosevelt.
Anyone home?
'Evening, sir.
Sorry to disturb you at this hour. I broke down in the bend.
I need a sledgehammer to fix it.
'Evening, sir.
I got a flat in the bend over there.
A flat? Are you alone?
- Yes, have no fear. - Well, come in.
- Do come in. - Thank you.
Come in quick because...
- It's cold. - Sorry to disturb you so late.
- What a charming place. - Well, go on in.
Make yourself at home.
I mean...
Not exactly at home. It's not your home.
But make yourself comfortable.
You're very kind.
So, a mallet?
Yes, a mallet.
Your face looks familiar.
We don't normally get visitors this late.
It's the same for me.
And I must say, you're very elegant.
You must have a very good job.
It's just a suit. Many people wear suits nowadays.
One shouldn't judge by appearances.
But still, there's something,
despite your look,
something about your face...
I can't shake it off, it won't go away.
I'm sure I know you.
Is that possible?
It is possible.
- You would tell me...? - I have nothing to hide.
I'm Stéphane Lemarchand, Finance Secretary.
Oh, that's it.
- Excuse me. - You see?
- Forgive me. - Coincidences...
Sir, may I...? Sorry, take a seat.
No, please... Let's keep it...
- Let's keep it simple. - Right.
In terms of simplicity...
We're both citizens.
- So, let's keep it simple. - We're shitty-zens!
- Exactly. - Take a seat.
I'll get the...
I'll hurry because I know it's not the kind of job
where you can waste time. It's very...
- No? - Yes, it's very dynamic.
Oh, I'm... I'm completely...
I'll be right back.
- There! - It's exactly what I wanted.
What a fine job you do.
Please take a seat.
It's not every day...
Well, you know, I should...
I admire you.
You're Secretary of...?
- Of...? - Finance.
Right.
When you arrived, what alerted me was...
I could see that you have
a physical relationship with money.
As if you liked to...
put some to one side...
sort it...
collect it, distribute it,
recover it...
put it away...
hide it...
and redistribute it.
Always give it back, of course.
But you're right. Take, hide, give back...
- Manage... - To achieve balance, of course.
OK, I really don't want to bother you... I'm expected.
So, if I could borrow the sledgehammer...
- I'll return it in a few minutes... - It's mine.
- Of course it is. - It's mine.
I won't let you get your hands dirty.
- Oh, I do that regularly. - I just...
You make me laugh! Excuse me...
You... I think you have...
a deadpan sense of humor!
It's necessary in this job to be able to laugh
at the unhappy accidents of life.
I'm pleased to meet an optimist like you.
I can see you like to laugh.
I like that because in my line of work...
people don't laugh much.
- May I borrow it now? - Oh, yes.
I'd just like you to taste a local specialty.
I'm sure you'll like it. You won't find it anywhere else.
It won't take long.
It's a real treat. It's a local specialty.
- You like local produce? - Of course.
Well, I know you'll like it.
- No, I... - I hope you'll like it.
You could even debate about it...
Debate about it in parliament!
- No, but... - If you like it, I'll give you a bottle.
I'll let you taste it. Tell me what's in it.
I hope you'll enjoy it because it's...
It's because I like you.
Cheers.
It's...
It's strong, but you don't have to drink it all.
Good, huh?
It's very moreish.
Good, huh?
Need a hand?
It's OK, it's OK...
It's OK, stay down...
Accept it.
It's fentanyl.
It's an anesthetic for elephants and rhinos.
Here I am...
to France's rescue.
In your mouth...
There.
The Republic is in front of me!
The Republic is here. It came all this way.
Anyone there?
And a 1...
And a 2...
And a 3...
We may find uranium!
Decree no. 1...
Decree no. 2...
Decree no. 3...
Force 'em through... Force 'em through!
Taxation!
It's a strike!
Do you like silence?
Sometimes when I'm alone in my bed
and I'm lying down,
with my legs on the mattress,
I forget my body and enter an infernal psychosis.
My brain starts spinning.
But outside, it's silent, so there's a gap between the silence
and the inside of me.
It goes very fast. I feel like a pot, see?
It's boiling.
And silence isn't as silent as you think, like now.
We're not saying much, but my brain's spinning.
That's why I'm kinda stressed out.
It's not young against old.
- Seniors. - Sorry, seniors.
They're just 2 charming couples we chose right at the end.
They're great, period.
They're not young and seniors. Just 2 great couples.
They're technically great.
They're like modern society.
- That's good. - We pick people who are handsome.
That's how it works on TV and the movies.
We're smoothing out mankind
and we end up with authoritarian governments
where everything looks good.
You're playing into the hands of the National Front!
Oh, no!
- Save your political digressions. - It's not.
As for originality and variety, our criteria...
As for originality and variety,
Marion and Léo revisited several eras and styles.
They freely freed themselves from classicism.
When you mix up every color, you get brown.
Sorry, you do.
No-one does that. Laurence and Olivier were sepia, it's old-fashioned.
It's dusty, it smells of mothballs.
And the musicality?
What's the first prize?
It's a car? A 4X4?
A modern 4X4. It's not second-hand.
It's full of electronics.
If we give it to the seniors, they won't be able to use it.
They'll only use half its potential.
We're giving a first prize which is only 50%...
- No, you're... - That's not an argument.
- It's Bluetooth! - I don't know how to use it, either.
And I'm not 79.
Well, let's vote.
Let's vote.
Marion and Léo?
Fred...
- Marion and Léo: 3. - Olivier and Laurence?
- 3. - And Patrice's vote.
Léo and Marion.
Well, yes.
Yes, yes!
Charlotte, come on.
It's a pity.
- We can give the prize... - Well, thank you.
Don't blame me, Mr. Secretary.
I'm a monster, I'll give you that.
But society made me like that.
I had a happy childhood. I mean...
I got off to a good start.
A modest life, everything went well.
My dad worked at the tire factory.
One day, the shareholders decided to lay people off to save money.
And then...
after 35 years in the firm...
he was told not to come back. Thank you and goodbye!
Off you trot, go home!
He couldn't find another job.
He became an alkie. I mean, he started drinking a bit more.
He had nothing else to do.
My mother left.
Great! A cliché, you might say.
One morning, I get up. OK...
Dad, I'm awake.
Where are you, Dad?
Where are you, my darling Dad?
I go to the bathroom, open the door...
Who do I see there?
My father.
Hanging!
Did you believe me?
You believed me, didn't you?
Damn, I'm good!
I should've gone into politics, like you!
I'm an orator!
I've suffered so much! Yeah!
We'll change everything! Yeah!
But nothing will change! Yeah!
OK, I'll take you back to the parliament.
I'm a virgin.
I was a virgin too the first time.
Let's do this.
I'll put this on.
There, comfy n' warm.
Gotta pinch the tip.
There, that's it.
Here we are. Wake up.
Not like that...
Wait, wait, wait...
Wait...
I get the impression that you and me... I don't know why...
but I get the feeling we can't understand one another.
But...
Can I just make a few crepes in peace?
Is that possible?
A little crepe for a little girl
What does it take to make a good crepe batter?
What does it take? It takes flour
But watch out...
Watch out for the gluten
Gluten means lumps
Let's start again.
Little doe!
Little darling!
You're a little doe-eyed doe!
And I'm the wolf!
I'm the wolf and I'm going to eat you up!
Just go with it, dammit. Go on.
Wakey-wakey!
You were very naughty today.
Very, very naughty.
Bad boy.
Naughty... Naughty...
Naughty.
Now eat your balls.
Look... Look!
Come on, eat your balls. Yes, you will. Open your mouth.
Open wide. That's it. Good. Nice little boy.
No, no! Don't spit out your food. Come on.
Some sauce on it?
It may help.
What did I say?
Now swallow it!
Go on!
Asshole.
The second?
Oh, yes. Come on.
It'll be OK.
It's disgusting.
- We could've had whiskey. - It'd have been better.
- Why water? - Dunno.
- You could've used wine... - Stop whining.
- Some Gigondas... - You're a pain.
- A nice red... - Drink and be quiet.
Will Françoise come?
I'm sure she will.
She's so cheap, she won't even buy flowers.
- That's for sure. - I regret I won't be able to...
Wait for me.
Each in our own time.
Make sure you swallow them.
- I won't spit 'em out. - I know you!
You might.
Imagine if one of us was left...
Anything but that.
- Down the hatch. - I won't hear the neighbor's dog.
- Pain in the ass! - There is an upside.
True.
- And the banker can go fuck himself. - Too right.
He can go...
get butt fucked good n' hard.
I've got indigestion now.
All's well that ends well.
What?
OK...
Farewell.
No doubt.
I hope so.
I may be in hell, you in heaven.
No, you in heaven, me in hell.
No.
Here we go.
Let's do this.
All done and dusted...
It's like a condom.
I can't hear you.
Can't hear you.
- It's like a condom. - What?
- Oh, shit! - What's that?
It's the lamp.
- What was it? - The lamp.
Oh, you'll be a pain in the ass till the bitter end!
I AM A COCKSUCKER
Yes, David.
No, I'm working on something.
Yes.
What?
No shit?
Tied to the gates of parliament?!
What the hell...?
I have another call. It could be them.
Yes, Maurice.
What?
You were meeting Dad this morning. So?
Maybe he's late, I don't know...
Did you phone him?
Did you phone?
Dad!
Did you go see?
Dad?
Mom?
Anyone home?
Dad?
- Hello. - Alex?
- I can hear you. - It's me.
Did you know that Mom and Dad had big money problems?
What?
They were in debt.
I spoke to the bank this morning. They called me.
- What? - The house will be repossessed.
They owed something like 78,000 euros, they said.
- What is all this? - They never told me a thing.
Asshole!
So, overtake!
What's your problem?
- Outta the way... - Screw you!
- Watch out. - Shithead!
Don't look at me like that, sonovabich.
- I'll get ya. - Shut up!
- Shut your hole, you bastard! - What?
- Look at you. - What?
Your mom must've been a big whore to end up with you!
Abortion!
Get out.
Get out, asshole!
Fuck!
It's because your shoulder on my shoulder
Your mouth on my hair And your hand on my neck
It is because when your breath touches my back
It is because your hands
It is because cheek to cheek It is because in the morning
It is because at night
When you say 'Come', I come
You smile, I smile
It is because here or there
In another country
As long as you are there
It is always my country
It is because
I love you
That I prefer
to go away
Because we need to leave each other
Before the time of love dies
It's better, much better
Before the time of love dies...
- Are you OK? - Excuse me.
It's just that I feel a bit dizzy.
I've got a headache.
- Did you take an aspirin? - My head'll explode.
It's a waste of time. Aspirin is shit.
It wrecks your liver. Might as well drink plenty of water.
It's like I can hear bells...
It's a complicated case. Let me explain why.
Because it's 2 cases in 1. We are...
They'll judge the part concerning the assault you committed
on your attacker.
So, you are accused
of acts of torture and barbarity...
with evident cruelty, which is an aggravating circumstance, so...
Well, you don't care, but it's Article 222 of the penal code.
What we will try to do is, of course, to prove...
that you...
that you acted in self-defense...
and you weren't aware of what you were doing.
See the difference? They'll say you deliberately intended to cause harm
and so, you're the attacker. We'll say you were the victim
and you were attacked, which is the truth.
OK?
Yes, but I was aware...
Well, you mustn't say that.
You were angry, you can say that.
But don't say you sought revenge.
- I did seek revenge. - It's not revenge.
- What, then? - Justice.
You took the law into your own hands. I'd tell the judge
I'd cut off his balls a second time.
- I tell the judge that? - No, sorry, I was saying it.
I'm not myself today... Say nothing. Mum's the word.
The less you say...
I answer their questions?
If you want to win this, say nothing.
So, I don't answer?
- Say nothing. - Nothing?
As in love, be mysterious.
You want me to lie to them?
It's not about lying or not lying. It's about survival.
You're in the woods. There are hunters.
They're tracking you. You have to escape.
You fell into a trap, you fell on a stake.
You were pierced inside, you were raped.
That's quite something. Now I'll get you out of the woods.
Say nothing. I'll handle it.
You're not the attacker.
He is. You're the victim.
You enter the courtroom and you're the victim.
I agree with you, but...
- Say nothing. Cry. - I want to tell the truth.
- What truth? - That's the truth!
- Don't tell the truth. - Why can't I?
I won't lie at the trial.
- I'm not asking you to. - You are!
Save yourself or you'll end up in prison for life. Is that what you want?
You were raped at 16 and until you're 30,
you'll live life behind bars. Enjoy your youth!
Defend yourself, dammit!
No-one will save you if you don't save yourself.
There's no such thing as justice, so take justice into your own hands.
He screwed up your life.
So, say: "I don't remember a thing, I wasn't aware
of my actions."
I don't want to lie.
What, then?
I want to tell the truth.
- What truth? - What I said.
You can't say that.
- Why not? - It's not acceptable in court
to say, and I quote your own words:
"I cut off his testicles to make him eat them,
using a 900-watt microwave."
Impossible. They won't understand.
Don't laugh. It's not funny.
They won't laugh.
They won't laugh, it's not funny.
I'm not here to joke around.
Now I may look...
I'm sorry.
- Want some water? - Yes, please.
I don't know, it's been...
2 or 3 days...
Personal stuff.
Will you be OK?
Yes.
OK...
What was I saying?
I don't know.
I don't know, either.
You...
You're going to be able...
You'll be able to live through this. I mean...
You'll... you'll get through this.
We'll get through this...