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I have a little heart;
I would free it from the darkness of my breast
To bear it in my palm,
Seeking its depths and asking its secrets.
Loose not your spears at it, my blamer,
Lest cause it to fear and hide
Within its cage of ribs.
Kahlil Gibran - A Tear and a Smile
Yeah so... I'm swimming.
I'm about five meters under water,
and I'm swimming enjoying myself,
and when I want to go up for air,
I can't swim up.
I can only swim forward or backward.
I look up and I see the surface and the light reflecting over the water,
but I can't reach it.
I can't swim up.
You know how when you dream you're in a fight
and you want to throw a punch but your arm barely moves?
Like that.
So I start choking, and I start yelling...
I can yell underwater,
and I'm screaming, and I'm choking and I'm in so much pain...
And when I feel like this is it, like I'm about to die... I wake up.
I'm fucked.
That's it.
Yeah, just like that.
Bro, just like that, I was flat on my back and she was riding me.
Like that.
You couldn't pick a video without music?
Bro we can't even watch this, the internet is so slow.
- Let's go. - Hold on a sec, watch,
he's about to carry her.
He's antsy.
Adnan!
- What?! - Come on already!
Relax, we're coming.
- Love you Danks. - Love you too bro, but hurry up!
Are they ever gonna finish that building?!
- Etienne... - What?
You have to make me look good.
Do whatever you want, carry her, caress her...
Anything, just make me look good bro.
She'll just smell me.
To the movies, don't forget.
Yeah, don't worry.
All good?
Hi taunt Maria. Hi Windy.
- Hi. - Hey Adnan.
- How's it going? - Mom we're leaving.
- Where are you going? - To the movies.
What about lunch? I thought Adnan was going to eat with us.
We're not hungry, we had breakfast late.
- Next time. - I'm not hungry either mom.
Then who am I making all this food for?
I'll have it for dinner.
I'll take it with me to work tomorrow.
- Alright, where are you going? - To the movies.
With who?
With Adnan and the boys.
How are you going?
Bus.
Which bus? Don't you dare get on those small buses!
- We won't, don't worry. - Please don't.
What are you gonna watch?
- We don't know yet. - We'll decide when we get there.
- Bye - Do you have enough money?
Yeah.
Take more, just in case.
- Bye. - Bye. God be with you.
I feel like my children are growing quicker than children should grow.
And this small town we are living in is becoming too small to carry them.
They were safer, hidden inside of me.
My husband died in a plane crash.
They spent days looking for his body in the water.
I'm still trying to find myself without him.
I started writing poems after he died.
And I would post some of them on Facebook.
But the best ones, the ones that choke me,
those I will never show to anyone.
Before passing at the age of 89, I will have burnt them,
because I will feel like no one will be able to comprehend
how two people could have been so hopelessly adoring of one another.
I wish he would have hit me, just once. Slept with another woman, loved me less.
It would have made it a little easier.
Mommy... do we have any hot water.
I don't know honey, turn on the water heater.
This past year feels like a bad dream I can't wake up from.
I walk into a room and forget what I wanted.
I had an abortion eight months ago
and I still think about the baby that could have been, every day.
I will work out every day but I will always hate my body.
My belly will never be toned enough.
The belly that lost a life.
The belly that will grow to eventually give birth to two others,
despite all my worrying.
I will always have the urge to leave this place,
but I will never have the heart to do so.
I will marry a good man, an honest man.
I will never tell him about my abortion.
I will die at 87,
feeling fulfilled having been able to watch my children grow,
having been able to love and be loved in return.
- So, are you ready for this movie? - I guess so.
Because you've never seen anything like it.
How's it going?
- What took you so long?! - Were you waiting for us?
- Did we make you wait? - Yeah!
- So what?! - You could have come down sooner.
- How's it going? - Happy holidays.
- What's up? - All good?
Let me get a cigarette.
- At least say hello first! - I said hello.
Just one, don't make a big deal out of it.
So what time should we be there?
The movie starts at 4:30.
What movie?
We told my mom we're going to the movies.
What else are we gonna tell her?
I told my parents I'm going to Dream Park.
Really, what time do we need to be there?
The patrona said to be there at 4:30.
Are you sure you know how to get there?
Etienne, I got this.
- Here bro. - Adnan?
What bro?
Why are we all gonna have the same girl?
Do you have 90,000 to get a girl on your own?
No.
The woman gave us a price because we're three.
What do you mean three? Who isn't going in?
I'm not, I'm broke.
But I'm gonna try to get a hand job out of it.
I got her three customers, nothing's free!
No offence, but my brother always goes to Sunrise
30,000!
- No offence to you either, but... - 30,000?!
30,000 bro! How much are you making off us?
No offence to you either, but your brother is an idiot!
And the girls at sunrise are ugly as shit.
- Fuck off. - The one I'm taking you to is gorgeous,
- you'll see. - Okay.
Go with your brother Jean Paul.
Bro I wish my brother would take me, I wouldn't need Adnan.
He'd never take you.
Anyways, we're all going in at the same time, right?
Jean Paul, we need to go easy on the girl.
- Bro what kind of question is that? - You'll go in one by one.
It would be weird if we all went in together,
we'd do more laughing than sex.
If we went in all together she'd only want me.
You'd wait in the corner.
- You dog! - Yeah, you're a wolf.
Why would she look at you if I'm there.
Where are we going first?
We have to go to the pharmacy to get condoms and the Eros.
What's that, what's the second thing you said?
- Eros bro. - What's Eros?
It's a spray you use so you don't cum too quick.
- I don't need it. - Bro, I just jerked off twice
- Well, you're gonna cum in two seconds. - Jean Paul said he doesn't need it.
Then he'll cum in two seconds and have paid 50,000 for nothing.
Habibi it's all in your head, it's all about self-control.
I'm not so sure there's anything inside your head.
Yeah, whatever.
Oh my God, oh my God!
She doesn't shut up!
Reply, reply so she doesn't dump you.
Man, I told her I'm going to visit my aunt in Beirut.
- Good job. - But the thing is...
she told me to send her a selfie with my aunt when I get there.
Easy, just take a selfie with the patrona when we get there,
- and send that to her. - Listen, don't joke like that.
Just forget about her for today!
I'm serious, no one mention my family or my girlfriend.
- You got it boss. - How long have you been together?
Bro, like a year and seven months.
- And three hours! - So why don't you have sex with her?
Have sex with my girlfriend?
- So what? - Are you stupid or something?
- Isn't it better than paying for it! - Shame on you.
Bro, I've only kissed my girlfriend twice in a year and seven months.
What a great relationship!
Once on Valentine's day and once on her birthday.
- Nice. - Jean Paul...
the only reason we're going to a whore right now
is because of people like you.
If you were all just a little more open minded,
we wouldn't have to go spend money on this shit.
Bro that's how it is, I would never marry a girl who isn't a virgin.
There is no way my future wife won't be a virgin.
- But it's okay for you to do it?! - Of course it's okay.
It's okay for me to do it but it's not okay for her.
It's that simple.
Why don't you give it to her from behind?
I'll tell you who I'll give it to from behind.
I think the best thing you could do is hang her picture on the wall
and look but don't touch.
- Of course I will... - Fuck off already with your bullshit!
Listen, when I have a fancy office of my own one day,
I'll have my wife's photo sitting on my desk, but you won't have shit.
I'll keep her in my heart, I don't need a desk.
- Yo! - Captain!
- Rayan! - Captain!
- Yo! - What's going on?
Where you guys headed?
I'm taking the boys to get laid.
- Awesome! - I'm rolling, I don't want him to see me.
Wait for me over there.
Give me a minute.
- I'm rolling this king... - I got you, I got you.
Take it with you, smoke it on the way.
No way bro, even without a joint I can't see straight.
Where are you going?
I need to drop off this order, then we're gonna get wasted.
Drop us off at the pharmacy.
- Get on. - We need to get condoms and Eros.
- Awesome. - Get on boys!
- Climb up. - Bro I hate sitting in the trunk.
- Crazy motherfuckers. - We're good captain!
Alright.
I'm anxious all the time.
I can't be in tight spaces,
elevators scare me, and I can't go to the movies.
That's why I enjoy being in the water so much.
As a child, I would imagine the mothers of my close friends naked.
Not in arousal, but in envy of not having been born out of them,
into love.
My father's brother abused me from when I was 8 till 14.
He died of a heart attack when I was 18.
After his death, I told my mother what he did to me.
She made me swear not to tell my father.
She said there is no point in digging up the secrets of the dead.
It killed me.
I will die in a nursing home at 67, alone, humming my favorite song.
What if none of this is real?
What if we really are just a science experiment
of some advanced alien species?
Or worse...
What if we're some forgotten science experiment,
tucked away in the back of an alien closet somewhere?
Two years from now, I will sleep with a man for the first time.
He will hold me after it, and for the first time in my life, I will feel free.
Enclosed in the arms of another man.
At the age of 40, I will get married to a reserved 30 - year - old woman
and never touch another man.
My wife will doubt my sexuality in our first year of marriage
and she'll confront me about it.
But I won't say anything.
I will keep staring into her eyes, begging her to look away from mine.
I will think about my death many times throughout my life,
wonder how it would happen.
A car crash, slipping in the bathroom,
a stray bullet at some neighbor's graduation party.
Or in my sleep, the best way to go, a dream.
At 66, I will lose function of my liver
and because of a severe lack of donors, I will die a year later.
I could have never expected this.
I love this dude.
Gibran!
Mr. Gibran!
- What's up?! - God give you strength!
I can't believe how annoying this guy is!
- Why is he annoying?! - What's wrong with him?
You're the annoying one here,
this guy works day and night to make a living!
This isn't work.
This is a 50-year-old man in a clown suit who drives around listening to music.
At least he makes it to the end of the day with some money in his pocket.
You're going to go spend your money on a whore.
You're the one taking me.
Because you begged me, I felt sorry for you.
- His son died, right? - His son and his wife.
A car crash, they were on that road that takes you from Amioun to Checka.
So many people have died on that fucking road.
Poor souls.
And they still haven't put up any lights.
Let me say something.
And this idiot makes fun of the poor guy.
He doesn't give a fuck about anything, he's been through way too much to care.
You proud of that selfie of you and your friends making fun of him?!
Posting it on Facebook!
You said it, we're making fun of him.
- Yeah because you're an idiot. - Let me tell you something.
You're saying that his son died in a crash or whatever,
but that's no excuse for this guy to act the way he does.
- He's not right in the head. - Bro there's no shame in working.
If he had any self-respect, he'd do something else.
You know who he thinks he is.
Alright whatever, you guys are right!
- No, you're the one who's always right. - Keep joking and see where that gets you.
He thinks he's the Queen of England.
He's gonna stand and start doing the little hand-wave.
Snap out of it already.
- One day, you'll see. - No one is better than anyone else.
Every day he wakes up,
he lifts his head off the pillow,
puts his feet on the ground,
puts on his clown suit,
and he tries.
We're all doing the same thing.
So why do they call him crazy?
The pharmacy up ahead.
Drop us off here to the right captain.
And thank you!
- At your service! - You're welcome boys!
- Here's good captain. - Thanks captain.
Come on, get off.
- Help the queen. - Thanks captain.
Seriously give me a hand, I'm not used to this.
Be careful your highness.
Come here, give me a hand.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
I don't want to get my clothes dirty.
- Thanks captain. - You need to wash your trunk!
You need to watch your mouth.
He's such an idiot.
So who's going in?
- I don't want his hand sweat on me. - Not me.
Listen, don't touch me.
Chill. Don't push.
- So who's it going to be? - Not me.
What do you mean not me? Someone has to go in.
I got a condom from my brother, I'm good.
- And I don't want Eros. - You go in.
There's no way I'm going in, this is the closest pharmacy to my house.
Guys, I'm the one taking you, and she might not let me in,
you seriously expect me to get you the stuff too?
Exactly, go in get us the stuff.
You think I work for your dad or something?
You don't work for my dad, you work for me.
- Hurry up. - You go in you pussy.
You're the pussy, don't call me a pussy!
- Don't touch me. - Don't say that word to me.
Say whatever you want, but don't touch me.
- You're a cunt pussy! - You're the pussy!
You're the fucking pussy!
- Calm down guys! - Watch yourself!
- Stop yelling! - I'm going home!
What do you mean you're going home?
I want to go home.
I'll go in.
I don't want anyone to go in! I wanna go home!
You already spoke to the woman and told her we're coming.
Come on bro, please, for me. I'll go in.
Just for you.
And because I already called her,
I don't want to look bad because of this piece of shit.
Thank you.
Why are you acting like kids?!
It's all good, I'm going in, shake hands.
He thinks he's some big shit, he can't even buy a fucking condom.
We're going to have a good time!
- You're lucky my shirt didn't rip. - Fuck your shirt.
- Shake hands! - Don't say it again.
- What does the Eros look like? - And I'm not going in.
Bro, it should be next to the condoms.
- What's it look like? - There's a guy doing this.
What do you mean a guy doing this?
A guy doing this on the bottle Etienne!
Right by the condoms, you can't miss it.
Give me your lighter.
And it has a gold cap!
There he is, let's go.
Why is he walking alone?
I don't know, let's go.
Etienne!
Yo, Etienne!
- Etienne, did you get the stuff bro? - Here.
You got the flavored ones?
Bro I just grabbed the first ones I saw.
- Dumbass! - Bro why don't you go in and get them?
He almost got hit by a car!
She scared the shit out of me!
She was texting and speeding, she almost got me!
Calm down!
"Three colored and flavored condoms."
Count your blessings.
Motherfucker
Here.
You stick with your brother.
- I'm good, I don't need you. - Sure.
Listen, don't worry about how to put it on.
She's going to suck it a bit and then put it on for you.
Just don't get too excited and try to eat her out.
Because you'll get some disease in your mouth.
Exactly.
Don't throw stuff on the floor.
I hope she likes strawberries.
Guys, I have a feeling I'm gonna be a beast.
I'm gonna tear it up, it's gonna be wild.
She's not gonna know what hit her.
Why don't you take some rings with you, marry her.
Man! She's gonna retire after I'm done with her.
- You're like the next Marc Dorcel. - Even better!
The color of your eyes is what I adore, looking into them is what I live for.
My crazy neighbor sounds better than you do.
You own my heart and soul.
Man, she's going to sing to me.
- She'll dream about me in her sleep. - For sure.
Yeah, she's been waiting for you all day.
You'll see.
Confidence is key.
After I'm done with her, she's gonna beg me to stay.
Here, take a cigarette, but just keep that mouth closed.
- I'd love one. - Here, on me.
This is the first time something good comes out of you.
Yeah, you're welcome.
So I planned this whole thing, called the woman and everything...
Who's gonna buy me a beer?
I don't have any money, I mean I have, but just enough for me.
It's just a beer, don't make big deal out of it.
- Don't worry about it, I got you. - Cool.
Adnan, the next one is on me.
Thank you, God bless you and your families!
You should ask God to bless your sorry ass.
It's lit!
Adnan, get me some mint gum.
- What's up Lello? - Hey! Welcome, welcome.
- How you doing? - We're gonna get a beer.
Sure, in the fridge.
Get me Unica please Adnan.
Alright.
- What does he want, Unica? - Etienne, don't forget the Unica!
We heard you, we're not deaf!
One Unica, a packet of gum, and two beers.
- One beer Lello, just one. - One beer or two?
- Two beers, Unica, and gum. - One beer.
- 3,500. - You got any carrots Lello?
- Adnan... - Here's 5,000.
if we put you on this scale nothing would happen...
Put back the Unica, we don't want it!
Because you're a worthless piece of shit!
- They're just joking. - It's all good.
Here you go.
- Thanks Lello. - See you around Lello.
Have a good day boys.
- Bye. - Bye.
You think he's just pretending to be blind?
Why is he so happy all the time?!
I have a feeling he sees better than we do.
Come on, open up.
Cheers to us!
Cheers to this trip!
Cheers to her!
Who wants gum?
Me.
- Finish what's in your mouth first. - Two pieces.
- You like chocolate, don't you? - Here.
So we take the small bus yeah?
- No way. - Bro it's faster!
I don't care, I'm not in a hurry, there's no way I'm getting on a small bus.
I don't fit in the small ones.
- What do you mean? - It doesn't make a difference.
We're gonna take the big one, don't argue.
How about we take the first bus that stops.
- Adnan... - I'm not getting on a small one.
You guys think this truck is open?
Check.
Try...
Get on, we'll go in this!
Here, hold this.
I'm content.
The only thing I regret in life is not learning how to ski.
Seven years from now, my father, a truck driver for a fuel company,
will crash his truck and become paralyzed from the neck down.
At 37, my parents will start pressuring me to get married,
I will meet someone.
And eventually, my wife and I will learn to love each other
and care for one another.
We will have a boy together.
I will take him skiing every chance I get
and wait for him all day at the bottom of the slopes.
Every time I see him skiing towards me, brilliantly, growing, I will smile.
At 66, I will have a heart attack while driving the truck,
I'll park at a gas station on the side of the highway, and turn the engine off.
What is it?
Imagine if that car hit Jean Paul,
while on his way to get laid for the first time?
- Why? - He would have died a virgin.
It's not funny, I'm serious. Fuck off already!
What would you prefer?
"Always in our hearts" or "Gone but not forgotten"?
- Shut up and walk. - How about "Our prince in the sky"?
Fuck off!
Dumb nigger.
Bunch of idiots.
What was that Danks?
- "Our prince in the sky". - Yeah that's the one.
What a prince!
If the small one comes first, we'll get on it.
I'm not getting on a small one, get that through your head!
Here's a big one.
Let's get some pussy!
Grow up already.
- I want to sit by the window! - Don't start!
- Move! - Stop fighting.
- Hey. - God give you strength.
Hello.
Give me a cigarette.
Every time you see the pack you have to take one?!
Do you guys hear that?! Etienne, that's the song!
I love this song, driver turn it up!
What are you doing?
- What the fuck are you doing?! - Sit down bro!
No, don't film!
Here it is!
"Jump, go crazy! Jump, go crazy! Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!"
Driver turn the music down!
And put out that cigarette!
Don't you see the women and children?!
- Throw it out now! - Sit your ass down bro!
Sir, we're sorry!
Excuse our friend here, he's a little retarded.
Throw it out already!
Don't pull this shit when we get there, you better not make me look bad.
See this shirt, and the watch and the gold around my neck?
Your broke ass isn't even going in.
He's proud of his shirt.
When you're in the coffin, want us to dress you up in a nice shirt like this one?
Stop bringing that shit up, it's not funny! I almost died.
- We'll get a couple of speakers... - Fuck off!
Put them in the coffin and play "Jump, Go Crazy" and he'll be flapping around.
I'm serious! Stop laughing!
I almost died, it's not funny!
It's not my fault no one gives a shit about you
but I got a family who cares about me.
Give it a rest, stop playing the victim!
Yeah I am the victim, you re all ganging up on me.
We're all victims here Jean Paul.
So stop talking about it then! Got it?!
Stop shouting, we're sitting in a bus, not a mad house.
Yeah, your house is the real mad house.
Jean Paul, you want us to film you when you go in?
- Film what? - A video of you inside with her.
- Are you stupid or something? - Why not?!
- Fuck off! - Come on, really.
Bro we'd be the only ones who'd see it.
- Hell no! Are you crazy?! - We'll delete it right after.
You think I'm trying to embarrass myself?!
Come on, please.
You want to embarrass yourself go ahead!
I don't mind being filmed.
We'll watch it once and delete it right after.
What if it ever gets out?! I have a future ahead of me.
I got it, I'll film him like I just did now.
You don't even have 1,000 lira to go in.
Tell me, do you? Wait for us at the door!
What if she doesn't let me in?
I'll need another beer, to pass the time.
- I told you, second one's on me. - You won't get him shit.
- What's it to you?! - Why don't you buy your own?
- Jean Paul, mind your own goddam business! - Answer me, do you have any money?!
You know I don't, you trying to embarrass me?
Guys we're not the only ones on this bus.
- Everybody knows you're a deadbeat. - I'll get you a beer bro.
He looks out the window and sees life rushing past.
All these people going somewhere, all these goners.
He wonders if they're as lost as he is,
pretending to know exactly where they're going.
This security guard is on his way to protect the money of millionaires.
And they pass him without ever noticing
that he himself is made of millions of priceless dreams,
that keep him from closing his eyes, for good.
He looks in and worries,
who's going to protect him from his own thoughts?
I know right now you feel like life is going to turn out exactly like in the books.
But one day you're going to wake up and the colors are not going to seem as bright.
And ten years from now, you're going to find your grandmother resting on her couch.
And her body is going to seem strange to you,
pale skin, eyes empty, stiff jaw.
Promise me that you'll appreciate the time you have left with her.
That you'll hold her hand every once in a while.
Remember her stories and tell them to your children one day.
And always remember her face the way it is now.
And never ever forget that one day, someone will find you,
resting on your couch,
with pale skin, empty eyes and a stiff jaw,
It's hard to look past the eye.
What about trying to look in?
To see a father maybe,
on his way home to carry his little girl,
and dive into her eyes.
Or this boy,
who was once playing with his brother with an air gun
when the gun accidentally went off and took out his eye.
And he became "the guy with one eye."
You guys wanna play a game?
- What game? - Adnan, you listening?
What kind of game?
We see who can last longer holding their breath crossing the tunnel.
You think you can cross the whole tunnel?
Is everything a joke to you?!
And yes, you wanna bet I'll win?!
- You wanna bet? - Let's do it.
- You smoke way too much. - Everybody's in?
- Why not?! - Alright, I'm in.
You're gonna back out half way through or you're gonna cheat.
- Bro we're in! - We'll see.
- Etienne? - I'm in too.
How do I make sure you're not cheating?
- Watch me. - Have faith.
Are you gonna breathe through your nose?
I trust you, but I don't trust Adnan.
Adnan I'm watching you.
- I'm gonna count to five and we start. - Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
Ready? On five.
One...
Two...
Three...
Four...
Five! All of you, hold your breath now!
Congratulations Jean Paul, you won for sure.
I saw you cheating half way through.
I notice everything.
- Congratulations bro. - Thank you.
What's up bro, you nervous?
No bro, I'm good.
It's easy, don't think about it too much.
So... it's going to be pretty nasty going in last.
I'll come up with something now and you just go with it,
so we make sure you go in first.
Alright.
We're here.
Drop us off after the bridge please!
It's way too hot in here, I'm sweating like crazy.
Get up and pay the man.
Why do I have to pay? What about Etienne or Dankoura?
Stop being such a cheap ass, they'll pay on the way back.
Go before me so I can pay.
He's so stingy.
God bless you sir.
Thanks.
- For four. - Thank you so much.
Seriously Adnan, how much longer till we get there?
"Come on, everybody! Jump, go crazy! Go crazy! Crazy! Crazy!"
Guys, I wanna tell you something.
What?
I dreamt about her yesterday.
She was lying in bed next to me.
She had long black hair, black eyes,
her tits were the size of my hand, round and tight,
a perfect waist.
I didn't see her ass
because in the dream she was lying on her side looking at me.
I was just about to get on top her when my mom woke me up.
I was like mom why'd you wake me up?
She said if you sleep now, you'll stay up all night.
I was like I was happy sleeping, let me sleep!
- I had the worst dream yesterday. - What was it?
I dreamt that I was drowning.
Me too, I had a really weird dream
Please bro, let's stop talking about dreams, no one cares.
Only the therapist who gets paid to analyze your personality.
Let's talk about something else, fuck dreams.
- Did you decide who's going in first? - Why?
Because it sucks being the first to go in.
She won't be warmed up yet.
The third one's going to have the best time.
- Shotgun third. - I want to be third.
I'm going in third, I called it!
- It doesn't count, I wasn't ready! - I'm sorry bro, I already called it.
- But I want to be third too. - I don't care, I'll go in first.
Let's play rock, paper, scissor
I'm third! Drop it!
- Come on, play for it. - No, we agreed, I'm third.
Alright, I'll go in second.
Jean Paul, what is that?
What are you doing Jean Paul?
Jean Paul habibi, is that a cigar or am I seeing things?
Let me see it. Give it to me a sec.
- I want to show it to her. - Show it to me first.
What the fuck did you do that for?!
You trying to embarrass me?!
Go smoke a cigarette in front of her, don't embarrass me.
- I paid 6,000 for it. - Who do you think you are?
Guys we still haven't sprayed the Eros.
He's right, we forgot the Eros and all you care about is your cigar.
- Asshole. - Where are we gonna do this?
- I don't know. - Let's do it over there behind the tree.
- There? - What if someone sees us?
Nobody's going to see us.
You owe me a cigar.
Don't worry, tomorrow I'll take out a loan and buy you one.
I can't believe you brought a cigar with you.
It suits me.
Jean Paul...
this spray is not for your mouth, it goes down here, okay?
Stop talking and hurry up.
Here.
Pull it out of your mouth.
What do I do?
Stare at it. Spray you idiot!
Move then, you trying to sneak a peek?
I'd need a microscope to be able to see it.
Who's next?
- Etienne? Dankoura? - Come on Dankoura, you got this.
Hurry up.
Hey you!
- What are you doing?! - He has a shotgun! Run!
I don't know what I'm doing.
This year, I will start drinking every day.
It will start with a few beers and gradually become much more than that.
Three years from now I'll become addicted to free base, and then I'll start dealing.
I will eventually give everything up after the death of my mother.
Her last words to me will be,
"Don't throw your life away."
Really.
At 36, I will start drinking again.
I will always believe that it's more important to live your life than do something with it.
I will keep avoiding any form of responsibility,
and I will continue to abuse any substance that keeps reality as far away as possible.
At 43 I will die of an overdose in the same bed where my mother passed away.
They won't be able to tell what caused the overdose.
I guess it was just too much of everything.
Are my clothes okay?
Jean Paul please cut the bullshit, we're here.
Just be quiet.
She's standing outside, I'll do the talking.
Alright.
Hello.
Hey boys.
We spoke on the phone.
Yeah on the phone we agreed on three.
- Yeah just three. - And I told you at 4:30.
Yeah, I just came with them to show them the way.
The girl's running a bit late, something came up, she just spoke to me.
She needs about half an hour, an hour to get here.
- Half an hour, an hour? - Yeah.
Alright, so what do we do?
Imad, where is that gas tank I ordered?!
So what should we do, should we go and come back later?
Yeah, if you want.
Alright we'll go and come back.
About half an hour, an hour.
Alright, cool.
My mother died when I was thirteen.
She was very sick.
I helped her die.
I gave her the pills and the glass of water.
Whenever I'm on a bus I look at the people around me,
and try to guess if there's anyone else there who has taken a life.
Three years from now I will be arrested,
and my son will be taken to an association that cares for people with disabilities.
My only child was born with cerebral palsy.
After my release from prison, I won't try to get him back.
Twelve years from now,
I will be hit by a drunk driver while walking on the side of the road.
It will be my fault, for not looking in the right direction.
Bro didn't you agree on a time?
She probably got some last-minute customers and let them go before us.
But she can't do that.
Go... tell her she can't do that.
Adnan, she has a weird accent, she's not Lebanese right?
- She's Russian. - Really? Russian?
- Yeah. - Can I go in with her?
She's like 60 years old, she doesn't want it anymore.
Bro how come she's Russian and working here?
She probably came when she was young and worked as a whore for a while,
and now she has a bunch of girls working for her.
How can she do this in broad daylight?
How come they don't stop her, throw her in jail or something?
Bro she has clients that are all the way up,
if anyone tries to mess with her, one phone call is all it takes.
Let's leave, we can't just stay standing here.
- Where should we go? - Let's go to the beach, have a beer.
- Come on. - Alright.
- Adnan... - What?
Are you sure we can go down from here, isn't it just for guests of the hotel?
Yeah? And what are we?!
You know what I mean!
Don't worry about it.
We're paying customers, we'll do whatever we want.
I really feel bad for her, I'm gonna go in and my balls are dripping sweat.
She'll make you wash yourself before you start,
you think she's filthy like you?!
- She has some self-respect. - Really?
Yeah, yeah.
- Holy Mother. - Mother Mary.
I'd pray for her.
I'd eat her out for sure.
I thought we weren't supposed to eat out whores?
These ones are different, they're high class, they get tested and stuff.
That's all I'll ever want!
When I start working and making money, I'm going to spend all my time in the cabaret.
You're so ugly, they won't even let you in there.
They're so hot, it's crazy!
I love white girls.
I'm sure she's pink all over.
Foreign chicks are the hottest.
Don't you know the saying,
"A man who doesn't adore a blonde, is blind to the beauties of this world."
Praise the lord!
Man I just want to be on an island alone with her.
Just the two of us.
She'd massage my shoulders, rub my back, take care of me.
She'll make me forget about my parents, everybody,
forget the world and all the showing off.
Feed me strawberries and bananas dipped in caramel,
and then tell me she wants me to...
Bro the world doesn't know you exist.
I can tell what type of place you're from.
Where the cold made a home for itself,
and didn't leave room for much else.
You befriended the wind because you knew it wouldn't judge you.
You spoke to it about your ambitions,
your dreams, your doubts, your fears,
and it listened.
You were thankful for how it held your insecurities.
And those trees,
they've been there a while.
And even though they're growing, they still feel the same.
Like you.
But you know there's more, beyond these branches.
The places where planes take you.
And every time you look up and see one passing, you wish you were on it.
But we need to be careful, okay?
Right now it's harsh,
but the branches on the other side might be just as sharp or even sharper.
But at least it's different, and we've had enough of this.
It's okay to be scared, I'm scared too.
But we can't keep waiting for later.
Even though we know it's going to hurt.
Like when we're in our mothers and they pull us out, and they cut the cord,
and we cry so much, but it's worth it, because we got to see the world.
I really feel that we can pull each other out.
I'll even cut the cord,
and hold you till you stop crying.
And I'd tell you things like
"Hey, I'm here''
''Everything will be okay."
Be careful, don't fall.
Are you admiring your own shadow?
Even my shadow is better looking than you are.
What are you so happy about? Your shadow's as big as the pool.
Wait a few years, my shadow's going to be as big as the whole country.
So, we get some beers?
- I feel like some ice cream. - On me.
I also want ice cream, I'm melting in the sun.
I could also use some ice cream.
Dankoura, what flavor do you want?
Lemon.
- And you? - Chocolate.
So now everybody wants to suck on something?
Someone have a beer with me.
- Hello. - Hey boys.
Can I get a beer please?
- Colonel or Almaza? - Colonel.
- I open it for you? - No, I'm good. I'll do it, thanks.
Bro, why four, Adnan doesn't want any.
One for you, one for Dankoura and two for me.
How much for this?
500.
What about this?
Also 500.
How much for the ice cream and the beer?
3,500.
Here you go.
- God bless you bro, thanks for this. - No worries.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Thanks.
Lower your voice!
- What's wrong with you two? - Bro, did you see him?!
He's such a sissy!
You don't think this guy gets enough shit every day?
Man, he's way too gay!
Bro, there's nothing wrong with him, we're no better than he is.
Man, if there was nothing wrong with him then there wouldn't be a law against it.
I don't mind it, just let them stay out of my way.
There's no way I'd ever be okay with it.
"You're welcome."
What a faggot.
I want to be a writer.
I want to make others feel less alone in the world.
I hope my words will someday save someone the same way my favorite writers saved me.
After getting my degree, I will be recruited by a major oil corporation.
I will leave Lebanon a few months after graduation
to be stationed in a desert in Saudi Arabia.
Every once in a while, I'll have the same dream,
the one where I'm drowning.
At 57, I will retire early and move back to Lebanon
where I will live out the rest of my days.
At 60 I will save a dog from under a bridge.
I will find her sleeping, holding onto her dead mother, looking for warmth.
I will name her Sunshine.
At 75, Sunshine will die and it will be one of the saddest moments in my life.
People won't be able to understand how someone could be so affected by the death of a dog.
And I won't be able to understand people.
I will die in my sleep on a warm night in April.
A month after my death, they will find six collections of poetry
that I wrote but never showed to anyone.
They will eventually be published.
One of these collections entitled:
"And Even Then, I Was Still Waiting For Later"
will be translated into five different languages.
Etienne...
did you apply to any schools yet?
I'm still looking around...
Mechanical engineering for sure though?
Most probably.
Check out this loser. That's great though, really.
Dankoura what about you? You're going to be a doctor right?
Maybe a doctor, maybe a dentist, I'm not sure yet.
But something where I get to wear a white coat.
What are you laughing at?
Are you proud of yourself for dropping out of school?
And you're repeating the 10th grade for a third time, like that's an achievement.
Everybody keeps saying "third time's the charm"
so it has to work out this time.
Jean Paul, I'm fine, I'm doing all right, school isn't everything.
Yes it is, if you want to make it these days, you need a degree.
And people look down on you when you don't have a degree.
- I don't care how people look at me. - Jean Paul, if they're happy, leave them...
Fuck school, just stick with me, I'll teach you a thing or two.
And who said I wanted to make it?
I just want to afford the meat for the grill and something to drink,
and hang out with my friends and family.
That's all I need.
I feel bad for you,
you're just gonna keep drinking, fucking around, and wasting your life away.
You'll never get anywhere, never do anything.
You're gonna live and die and no one's ever gonna know about you.
Bro who said I wanted to get somewhere?
I'm happy, right here.
What about you genius, what are you gonna do?
You know exactly what I'm going to do.
I do, but I love the way you tell it.
Who's going to get your ass out of jail when they catch you with drugs on you?
Who's gonna make sure your wife doesn't take all your money when she leaves you?
Who's gonna be the one to save your sorry ass?
You'll always need me.
You're not gonna save shit!
I'm getting out of here anyways!
I have my uncle in America, he's working on my papers to get me over there.
I won't need you for anything, thank the lord!
Please God take him to America!
Go there and work at a gas station your whole life,
that's all you're good for.
Then he'll marry a woman he can't speak two words to.
Because there's no way this moron is ever gonna learn how to speak English.
Don't worry about me, I'll use sign language or something, I'll be okay.
Man, Lebanon is the best country in the world,
and you won't last two seconds anywhere else.
Greatest country yeah?!
"From the mountains to the sea."
"A Green Paradise."
Like you're going anywhere?!
I don't want to leave, I'm gonna do my best to stay.
But if I have to, then yeah, I'll leave for sure.
Me too, I mean if I don't find any work here, I'll have to leave.
I'm gonna get married to a respectable Lebanese girl from a good family.
I'll work hard, make money, build a nice home and have three boys,
little versions of me, handsome, smart and ambitious.
And no matter where you are on earth,
you'll hear about me and about all the great things I'll be doing.
And you'll need an appointment to come see me.
- God willing. - I'm also gonna do great things!
I'm gonna go to America and become a famous actor in Hollywood.
- You're gonna be an actor?! - Yeah me.
Bro you need to be smart to be an actor, you think any idiot can act?
They won't even let you act in a school play.
Alright, what if for example, I star in a movie about
a guy who takes his friends to get laid for the first time.
I'd be perfect for the part!
Everyone will see it and then I'll be famous.
Man, you're pathetic.
Fuck you and that movie, and any idiot who would watch it.
Come on, let's head back.
Dankoura, Dankoura! Please take a picture of me, just one.
- Fuck off Jean Paul. - Dankoura please!
- Bro, the camera on my phone sucks. - Please, come on.
- Just take a picture of him. - Etienne!
He's gonna take a picture of you.
Hold this for me please.
Just hold it.
Thanks. Give me a second.
We wouldn't want the chocolate to show in the photo.
Of course not, imagine.
I'm going to pretend like I'm talking on the phone.
Yeah okay, hurry up.
- Perfect. - Just one more please.
- The ice cream's melting. - Jean Paul fuck off already.
Just leave it there, I'll throw it later.
- Come on please. - So you don't want it anymore?
No.
Who invited him?
- Why did we bring him with us? - Go away!
Hurry up, let's get this over with.
Let him finish.
- We're good. - Last one!
- One with the sea right behind me. - Jean Paul give it a rest bro.
Here take this beer, take a picture with it.
Go away. Go!
- He's trying to act classy. - That's the money shot.
Done.
Send them to me on WhatsApp.
- Etienne... - What?
If I want to post a picture on Instagram,
and put a caption that goes like
''Do you see the size of the sea? That's how much I love you''.
How do I say it in English?
Do you see the size of the sea.
Holy shit, you're a genius!
I didn't know you spoke different languages?!
"My love for you is greater than the sea."
Sea is spelt S E A or S E E?
S E A.
Your English sounds pretty good.
I'm a pro, bro.
Seriously, you sound pretty good, how come?
- Bro I've been watching movies... - Etienne!
Maybe me and you can start talking in English more often, so I can practice.
- Adnan! - I might be packing my bags soon.
- Sure bro. - Adnan, I posted it.
I got 36 likes and 5 comments in a minute.
Show me, let me see.
You think anyone really likes this?!
They can see right through you and they know it's all bullshit.
What's that?! happy? fun?!
you are so fucking retarded!
I want to be an actor.
In nine years, I will marry my current girlfriend.
The wedding will cost $90,000.
I will take out a ten year loan from the bank to pay for it.
Then I will start working at a law firm owned by my father's friend.
I will go to castings in secret.
I will never get the part.
My happiest moments will be when I dress up as Santa Claus for my kids.
Every year, I will put on the suit and the beard
and I will act, with my whole heart,
till they stop believing.
Two years after that I will be diagnosed with leukemia.
Financial stress and undiagnosed severe depression
will cause the cancer to spread rapidly.
I will die at 36, leaving behind a wife, two daughters, and a $50,000 debt.
Alright boys, it's time.
Go in there and make me proud.
- Alright? - Sure.
You guys think the Eros will still have an effect?
Yeah, yeah, it lasts for two hours.
Guys, I'm feeling kind of nauseous.
No one told you to eat two ice creams.
Why don't you try and throw up before you go in?
It's not that bad.
It's better you do it now so you don't do it on her,
puking will cost you extra.
- Shit! - Danks...
- I'm counting on you bro. - What is it?
My girlfriend saw the photo I posted.
She's like, I thought you were at your aunt's house.
Can you put your phone away, we're here.
- Just ignore her bro. - Stop talking.
How do I look? Are my clothes okay?
Jean Paul please stop talking!
I look good?
Jean Paul enough already.
Hello.
We're back.
Welcome.
- So we agreed on three, right? - Yeah, three.
She'll be down in a minute.
- Alright. - Let me explain how this works.
She'll come down, you'll meet her and then go up.
Her name is Christelle.
She'll tell you what to do.
You give her the money before you start,
it's 50,000 each.
Alright deal, you give the girl the 50,000.
And there's 50,000 for the room, you pay me that now before you go up.
What? 50,000 for the room?
Yeah.
I thought it was 50,000 including the room.
No, it's not...
The price of the room has nothing to do with the girl.
- Can I talk to the guys for a minute? - Go ahead.
Bro, you didn't tell us about the 50,000 for the room.
I didn't know!
When I came here, my uncle paid, he didn't tell me about it.
Adnan all I have left is the 50,000 for the girl, I swear.
Bro don't look at me. I have the 50,000
and like 7,000 to pay for the bus ride back.
Guys come on, we're here.
- What do you wanna do, leave?! - I don't have.
Bro, you know my mom gave me 50,000 to use just in case something happened.
Something did happen, we need it. The boys will pay you back later.
What do I tell my mom?
I'll think of something, I swear.
Bro I'll pay you back for sure.
- All good? - You pay him back tonight.
Yeah, we're good.
Here you go.
Great.
So I was saying...
you each get half an hour,
and if you finish before, leave.
If you take longer Khaled will knock on the door.
And don't try to cuddle with her or anything, she's not your girlfriend.
Alright, no problem.
She means don't try to kiss her and hug her and stuff.
- Hello. - Hello.
How are you guys doing?
Good.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
- What's wrong? - How old are they?
What is it?
Didn't we agree that I don't want any more kids?
They're the easiest customers, they'll finish right away.
They won't take you any time at all, you'll be done quickly,
then you leave right after.
But we agreed last time...
They're the last ones left for today.
Not four, just three.
If you don't want to do it, I'll tell them to leave
and next time I'll get another girl.
Listen, I'm sick of your attitude.
I don't need you.
If you don't go up right now, I won't ever bring you again.
Don't you dare cry.
Go up right now, wash your face, fix yourself up,
and I'm sending you the boys.
Go.
So, you like her?
- Yeah. - Sure.
She needs two minutes to freshen up.
Khaled will take you up, and you each go in alone.
Khaled!
Take the boys to Christelle.
- Only three. - Hello.
Follow me.
I thank God every day for allowing me to open my eyes.
For allowing me to place my feet on the ground
and use my hands to push myself out of bed.
For my wife who holds me at night,
For my son who smiles at me in the mornings.
For the coffee that livens my senses.
And the bread that fills my stomach.
For the hard days that remind me how good it can be.
At 89, I will close my eyes and thank God for the last time,
for the blessed rest.
First time?
No, I came last week with my uncle, remember?
Yeah, I remember you.
This is a really nice hotel, how many stars is it, like three, four?
More like seven.
Who's first?
Me.
Go ahead, last door to the right.
Good luck.
He's blushing.
You took a while.
How was it?
She was standing at the other end of the room in front of the window, smoking a cigarette.
It felt like she stood there for a really long time.
Christelle.
Etienne.
Put the condom and the money on the table.
Take off your clothes.
I was embarrassed, confused, ashamed of myself.
For a second I felt like I shouldn't have told a prostitute my real name.
Go wash up.
I went into the bathroom and remembered my grandmother,
because the tiles in the bathroom looked like the ones at her house.
She walked in and I remembered how pretty she was.
For a second, I forgot.
Then she grabbed the towel and started to dry me.
I felt like a child,
like when my mother used to dry me after the shower.
I hated that feeling.
It killed me.
Come.
Sit.
Have you ever done this before?
Yeah.
What was her name?
Rita.
As she was blowing me, she asked me if this was my first time,
I lied and said no.
Then she asked me the name of the other girl and I said Rita.
I don't know why I said Rita.
Maybe I have a crush on Rita at school and don't know.
Then she asked me who Rita was,
a girlfriend? A friend?
I said she was a whore like you.
She laughed but I knew I must have hurt her with what I said.
I felt terrible after I said it.
She got up and took off her string but stayed in her bra.
I found it strange that she didn't take off her bra.
Come closer.
Standing over her, looking at her body,
I just wanted to touch her, caress her a bit, kiss her.
But then she told me to come closer again,
and I remembered where I was, what I was doing, and who she was.
She put me inside her and I felt it.
That feeling I guess, of becoming a man.
So I kept going,
imitating what I've been seeing in porn all these years.
And as I was doing this,
I watched her, lying on her back, with her eyes closed, moaning,
lying to me.
It killed me.
Watching her with her eyes closed, I knew she didn't want to be there.
I knew that she was as scared as I was.
As confused.
As embarrassed.
As ashamed of herself.
And I felt like, if she could cry right now, she would have cried for sure.
And in that moment, I saw her as a woman.
I saw my mother, my sister,
the little girl on the bus.
I saw her as a little girl.
I don't know how I got here.
I remember everything, but some things are too difficult to understand.
I will try to take my own life two years from now,
but my sister will find me and save me.
She has saved me several times before, in different ways.
I will realize that hope is the only thing keeping us going.
And that severe depression is a result of the complete depletion of hope.
The hope that the road we're on will have fewer bumps ahead,
fewer holes, more light.
All we are is hope.
I will stop judging people for being the way they are.
I will come to see them as humans,
struggling through a life they never chose to be a part of,
dealing with it all the only way they know how to.
I will let go of blame, it was the noose around my neck.
Every time I feel my throat constrict,
when it gets too heavy and I don't want to open my eyes in the mornings,
I will remove an imaginary noose from around my neck and throw it away.
This will save me.
And only then I'll be able to breathe again.
Is this life?
Some who struggle, others there to watch.
Or are we all struggling?
Each in our own way,
seen through the eyes of each other.
What about those who struggle alone,
with no one there to see?
That is the most difficult.
I see you.
I looked at her and I just wanted to hold her,
to tell her sorry for calling her a whore earlier,
to tell her sorry for now.
To tell her everything will be okay,
even though I knew nothing was going to be okay.
To tell her I love her.
Then I looked down and realized that I wasn't hard anymore.
I couldn't even feel it anymore.
It was like a strange organ hanging from my body with no purpose.
But I kept trying.
She felt it too.
What happened?
What's wrong with me?
I can't do it.
Do you see me?
She tried to help me.
She told me to stand up.
She took the condom off, and...
I felt her hand.
She knew that I didn't want to stop.
That we had to keep going.
I came.
Then she told me it would be better next time.
We both knew it wouldn't.
I saw you at the end of the corridor,
and I didn't want to face you,
Because I knew you would ask me how it went.
What could I say?
He's blushing.
You took a while.
How was it?
Awesome.
- My man. - Who's next?
Me.
That I tried...
You would have called me a faggot.
Who the fuck knows.
She loved me, she begged me to come back.
And you were right, going in last was amazing, she was on fire!
She wanted to go again but I couldn't anymore.
I was the last to go in, you know what she told me?
She said the two others before me were nothing,
and that I really knew what I was doing.
I told her, they try to be like me but...
Alright guys, see you later.
- See you. - Catch you later, it was fun.
Where are you going?
My mom's going to pick me up from Jean Paul's.
Stay a bit, let's have a beer.
No bro, there's no one to pick me up later.
- Maybe tomorrow. - Tomorrow for sure.
See you neighbor.
What a great neighbor you got.
What's wrong?
Nothing bro, my stomach's hurting a bit.
Shit, maybe the condom ripped and you caught something.
No.
You wanna get a beer?
No... I'm gonna go home, I'm going to try and sleep it off.
Alright, drink Anise tea.
- I'll see you tomorrow. - For sure.
- Call me when you wake up. - Bye.
- What's up captain? - Where you going?!
Yo, where to?
- We're going to get more booze. - Swear!
- Hop in. - Really?!
I really didn't feel like going home.
- Hi. - How was it?
Good.
You want me to heat you some food?
No, my stomach hurts, I think it was the popcorn.
Let me make you some tea.
I'm gonna try and sleep it off.
Take a bucket, leave it next to you just in case.
I think I'll be okay.