Downloaded from YTS.MX
NETFLIX PRESENTS
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
FILMED IN JANUARY 2020
IN THE BEFORE-TIMES.
Thank you.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so very much.
Thanks for your warm welcome. Wow.
It's almost too much, I…
All I did was walk in.
It's not that complicated.
So I'm not gonna ask if you're excited to be here. Okay?
Deal? Great.
You're not the ones who need to be excited.
If someone needs to be excited, it's me.
When a comedian asks, "Are you excited to be here?"
you can say, "Is that any of your business?"
"We bought our tickets. Leave us alone."
Just for tonight, you're allowed not to be excited.
Good evening.
Yep, good evening.
So I'm very happy to see you.
I say that to all my audiences, every single night.
When we comedians get offstage, people say, "Is being a comedian hard?"
I go along with it. I say, "Well, it is hard."
Then one day I went home, saw a documentary about Darfur.
Turns out being a comedian ain't that hard.
Even if I bomb hard, it's fine.
I'd rather bomb than be bombed.
Now, presumably your level of excitement has dropped a notch.
But it's all gonna be fine.
Yep, this is the tone of the show. The whole show. You've been warned.
Happy to see we have a full room, not always the case.
Because of the strikes, obviously, and before that, the terrorist attacks.
People were scared to go out, which I understand.
Even I didn't go to my own shows.
Some people march to say, "We are not scared."
I'm the guy behind them with a sign reading, "I am."
I've realized we're scared on the subway.
A dude gets in with a djellaba on, bomber jacket, long beard.
The pressure goes up a little, it does.
People hold on to the subway bar like this.
I realized every single one of us was scared when that dude went,
"Don't you think the guy over there looks weird?"
We're all a bit paranoid. I totally am.
I'm so paranoid, I go out with an explosive belt.
I'm like, if I'm on my bus and a suicide bomber gets in,
I'll go, "It's busy, bro."
"You should have checked the schedule."
And if he insists on killing himself, I'll just blow myself up first.
Steal all his virgins.
Why not?
But there is kind of a weird atmosphere.
Whenever something happens, we're like, "Was that ISIS?"
The Notre-Dame fire.
I thought terrorists had done it.
Even ISIS doesn't know.
They must have some guy scouring the news,
"That cathedral, is that us or not?"
"Didn't we have someone on the site?"
"Do we claim responsibility or not?"
"Let's claim responsibility. Can't hurt."
"There is a kebab joint nearby. They'll find a connection."
The Las Vegas shooting, ISIS claimed responsibility.
The FBI was like, "Nope."
"Good try, though."
"All right, we'll call you back."
They always try, just in case.
Soon they'll claim responsibility for hurricanes.
If a Syrian passport gets caught up in the wind, it could work.
I'm surprised they didn't claim Johnny's death.
It's really weird these days because for Halloween,
you don't need to dress up as a zombie to be scary.
Put on a little djellaba and you're good to go.
I actually did that. I was at people's doors going,
"Allahu Akbar or treat!"
Works like a charm.
I got lots of candy made with pork gelatin. It was great.
People took measures though.
They set up cameras in Salah Abdeslam's cell,
to make sure he doesn't kill himself.
Great concept for a reality TV show.
After The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,
The Real Jihadists of Guantánamo, why not?
As long as you're filming losers…
I should tell you though,
if I was the one behind the surveillance cameras,
I'd go, "Salah!"
"You're fired."
"Just kidding, you have a visitor at 4 p.m.!"
"That's all."
"For now."
We're having fun, right?
I brought a Lemon Perrier.
Not that I particularly like it,
but whenever there's an awkward moment, I can stir it a little.
It's been helpful, on many occasions.
When people ask me, "So you're a comedian? Are you funny?"
What you should know is, I'm a comedian because I'm weak.
When you're strong, you say what you think
and whoever disagrees, you punch them in the face.
But when you're weak like me,
when someone disagrees, you're like, "Just kidding."
If you do that enough, you end up a comedian.
A self-proclaimed comedian is a fallacy.
You need the audience to anoint you as one.
Later as you exit the show, maybe you'll think,
"That was a good TED Talk."
Maybe. Maybe.
I'm in this line of work because I want to be a star.
Not for glory or money, but to be on Rendez-vous en terre inconnue.
I love that show.
The concept is, you take a French star,
bring them into a remote tribe and pretend we're all the same.
Nope.
They took model Adriana Karembeu to meet the Maasais.
There was a bit of a mismatch.
They didn't share the same references.
A Maasai asked Adriana, "What do you do?"
She went, "Well, I'm just beautiful. People pay me for it."
He went, "Yeah? But how many goats do you own?"
There is a mismatch.
But I'd like to do the show. I'd like to meet the Quechuas.
I'd take the head of the village aside and tell him off-camera,
"Let me teach you something about my culture."
"See this show? Its budget could save your village for 20 years."
"And we're gonna spend it in one night."
"Translate this, it's important. Translate."
"Why isn't he translating?" "No need."
"I actually speak French. This is a scam."
"I'm not a Quechua, not at all."
"They picked me up in Barbès."
"They told me, 'Will you pretend to be a Quechua for €50?'"
"I thought they were gonna pop me open like the tent in two seconds."
"But as you can see I'm okay."
We live in a cruel world. We all know it.
What's hard is knowing that we all play a part in it. A small part.
Right now, instead of spending an hour together,
we could be spending an hour volunteering.
But that's boring.
Now that you're here, stay.
Just stay, I'm not judging you.
I can feel a touch of guilt in the air. I don't blame you.
Now you just feel like a vegan who took a bite of a burger.
That vegan feels guilty, but he's like, "You know what? It's not that bad."
"I'll just finish it, now that it's here."
I do feel guilty too.
But I have a fix: social media.
Whenever something shocks me a bit too much,
I just post, "I am something."
It clears my conscience. It's super convenient.
It started with "I am Charlie," then "I am Brussels."
"I am home," also.
Chilling on my sofa.
Activism is a funny thing on social media.
When you express your dismay on Facebook,
it's about as useful as honking in a traffic jam.
You're annoying the hell out of everybody and it doesn't help at all.
The worst is when you press "like."
It's like you're the car in the next lane, a dude honks and you go, "Totally."
"This is definitely taking too long."
Activism on social media is crazy.
Lots of people were shocked because an American dentist killed a lion.
He paid $50,000 to kill this lion in Zimbabwe.
People were outraged. It taught us two things.
First, dentists make good money.
Plus, now we know where Zimbabwe is.
Journalists even went there to ask, "Your lion was killed?"
And this dude went, "Yeah, we're sad."
"But we're glad people are interested in Zimbabwe. We have social issues."
"The lion."
But when a cow dies, nobody cares that much.
You might tell me, "A lion's just more rare."
So it's more valuable.
Scarcity determines value.
People know that. What's rare is valuable.
What's your name? Bertrand.
You're a handsome man, but you're worth less than a redhead.
Sorry.
If an American dentist kills you, it won't get many retweets.
No one's gonna be like, "I am Bertrand."
Not rare enough.
But watch out for dentists, in any case.
By the way, the refugees coming to Europe,
if there were more with red hair and fewer with dark hair…
Could have worked. Too bad.
We judge people by their looks too much. So I suggest we all start wearing burkas.
All of us, men, women, Bertrand, in burkas.
No more problems with looks. There are downsides though.
In Saudi Arabia, if your wife wears a burka in the middle of a bunch of women,
how do you find her?
The way penguins do? With a distinctive shriek?
"There you are!"
"C'mon, hurry. Louis Vuitton is about to close."
It might sound surprising, but in some countries,
Arabs are rich.
They are.
Just giving you a heads-up.
These people are buying up France little by little.
You'll be missing North Africans.
Guess who will be lining up outside social services?
Arabs, social services, clapping. That tells me a lot about you guys.
Another downside of burkas is if you have three wives.
You get home, all macho. You go, "Cook me something. I'm hungry."
"Shut the hell up, you fatass."
"Is it you Fatima? No?"
"Is it you Djamila? No?"
"Guess it's Mohammed then."
Yeah, they have them even over there.
They might tolerate it if you're one-third gay.
One out of three's okay, right?
That's less than bi.
Oh, boy, math… I lost some of you here.
"Fractions? I didn't study for the test."
The burka, the hijab, always a hot topic.
When we talk about Muslims, it's usually not in a very good way.
Go ask a Muslim, "You like this era?"
"One star."
I know we're not going through great times because if a country invaded us
and told us, "Give us your Muslims,"
some people would say, "Very happy to oblige!"
We know that.
We've seen it before.
The Muslims should talk to the Jews.
For advice.
Seriously.
It'd be like, "Dude, I have a bad feeling about this."
"What would you do in my shoes?" "Okay, so first,
beware of trains."
"Say no to showers."
Yeah.
Some of you clapped a bit tepidly.
"What… what should we do?"
Maybe some of you were offended by that joke.
Just you wait.
We're just getting warmed up, you guys.
If you're offended, get out now.
File a complaint, it's free advertising for me. It's all good.
Tough times for the Muslims with the rise of the far right.
Any far-right voters in the audience?
They're invisible, it's crazy.
Eleven million far-right voters at the presidential elections
and I never see any.
Ask a guy if he voted for the far right and he'll go, "Not that much."
Makes sense.
Every election, we can't believe how big they scored.
Every five years, they must rise from the ground to vote.
"This is our country!"
And then they go back inside their dens.
To watch CNews.
The National Front changed names. It's called the National Rally now.
NR. Not to be confused with "not rated".
It can be confusing.
You change names when you're ashamed of your past.
Helps people forget all the bad stuff you did.
Maybe that's what Tariq Ramadan should do.
"Did you rape her?" "My name is Jean-Luc, I'm a Buddhist."
Far-right politics is an interesting thing.
80% of party members are in favor of the death penalty.
They'll often say, "Imagine if your daughter was killed."
"Wouldn't you want to kill the guy who killed her?"
But I'm thinking, "Who knows? Maybe not."
"Maybe she was a huge bitch."
Take Jean-Marie Le Pen, for example.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't mean to judge,
but his daughter kicked him out of his own party.
He created the party, she kicked him out. You'd be pissed, right?
You go home, your daughter changed the locks. You're pissed.
They want to cut immigration from 200,000 to 10,000,
only taking in talented immigrants. Great idea.
We should launch Immigration's Got Talent.
Yeah. At the border, "What did you do?"
"You swam 500 kilometers? Meh."
"You didn't wow me."
"You should have juggled, too bad."
"Now do it again in the opposite direction. Much better."
Some say Marine Le Pen's party has become less racist.
I don't think so.
I think it's just the others who caught up with her.
Some of them have no filter anymore.
Like Minister of the Interior Castaner, who made a statement
to help us spot radicalized Muslims.
"Watch out for anyone with a beard. Watch out."
Thank you, Castaner.
We're making real progress here.
Thanks to him, I'm suspicious now. I'm watching out for stuff.
When I went to the Algerian Consulate, there was a line of bearded men.
I asked them, "Are you guys radicalized?"
One goes, "We used to be clean-shaven. We've just been waiting for seven months."
I still turned them in. You never know.
Please note I just heard someone scream "viva Algeria!"
You guys never let go.
We'll get back to you later.
Robert Ménard also let it all out.
For those of you who don't know who he is, first of all, educate yourselves.
Especially you, "viva Algeria."
Because he sure knows you.
Just to fill you in, he's the mayor of Béziers.
You see Marine Le Pen?
You make a right after her,
and just before the Third Reich, you'll find Robert Ménard.
He's there, waiting for the grand reopening.
He's growing a moustache, nice and easy.
He said, "65% of the kids in Béziers are Muslim."
People were shocked. "Are you counting kids by their religion?"
"Last time that happened was in 1944."
That's not what shocks me.
If 65% of the kids are Muslim, they're kind of the majority.
So who voted for Robert Ménard?
Yep.
There's gotta be some traitors.
Muslims who discovered the joy of collaborating with the enemy.
Ménard put up some posters about refugees. "They're coming into the cities."
He thought he was in The Walking Dead.
He thinks refugees walk like this…
They bite you and you turn into a Syrian.
Your papers are taken away and you get better at swimming.
I'd like to tell Ménard, "Don't worry. They won't bite you."
"You're not halal."
Patrick Devedjian also let it all out.
Former minister, former member of parliament.
He said, "The Germans took our Jews and they gave us back Arabs."
Excuse me, Patrick?
He just dropped that at a press conference.
Think about the poor PR guy with him that day.
That was not in the brief.
Made me laugh.
"The Germans took our Jews."
Our Jews?
Patrick Devedjian owns Jews?
At home, he's like, "Where is the remote?"
"My Jews? You've been watching TV? No, don't you dare say Shabbat."
Apparently, the Germans took away his Jews.
And you just don't do that.
You can't take people's Jews like that.
Patrick was not happy. "They took away my Jews."
"What an inconvenience. Took me a long time to find them."
"To each their own Jews."
He sure does like his Jews.
He told the Germans, "Give me back my Jews!"
The Germans went, "Oh…"
"We have any Jews left?"
"Just what I thought. Listen, give him some Arabs."
"He won't know the difference, don't worry."
"They speak with their hands, they're all circumcised."
Patrick went home, happy, thought he had gotten his Jews back.
He went, "Where is the remote?"
"Where is the TV?"
A nice, juicy stereotype. It's relaxing.
Brings the audience together. "Now that was funny."
I'm here blaming politicians, but racism is everywhere.
I saw an Amber Alert on TV
They said, "The suspect seems to be of the Black race."
"Black race," on the air.
What's next? "If you see him, do not confront him."
"Dial 666 and say 'Ku Klux.'"
"We'll do the rest."
Rappers can be racist.
Sometimes I'll hear, "To all my niggas."
Do they know where that word comes from? That's scary.
With the rise of the far right, one day you'll have far-right rappers.
They'll be like, "This goes out to all my pro-slavery peeps."
"Yeah, triangular trade, brother."
"We keep fighting. Bordeaux, Benin, Louisiana."
"Bordeaux, Benin, Louisiana."
"My cotton's in da house."
Saw some of you bopping your heads.
"Bordeaux, Benin, Louisiana." Nice beat.
Actually, we're all a bit racist.
We all have a racist inside waiting to come out.
Me, I'm a bit racist.
I have a problem with any white person who thinks they're saving Africa.
The kind of white people with dreadlocks and harem pants.
Giving you life lessons
because they did an internship building a well in Togo.
You can tell they've never touched a shovel,
but they started playing the djembe two weeks ago.
They're like, "Babylon, Babylon."
Before saving Africa, save your sense of rhythm.
They walk around barefoot.
They're like, "I want to feel the ground with my feet. Nature, man."
Well, you walk barefoot to Gare du Nord, then.
You're going to get AIDS, buddy.
It will remind you of Africa.
That's my favorite joke too.
We're all a little racist. I can prove it.
Picture yourself in a French village.
A godforsaken place, like Cantal.
Anyone from Cantal tonight?
-Yeah! -It's in Essonne!
Wait, there's two pieces of information.
-First, is there anyone from Cantal? -Yeah.
Two of you? That's unbelievable.
Two people from Cantal in the same room. Take pictures on the way out.
Welcome, I guess…
Welcome to the city.
I hope it wasn't too hard to get here.
Are stagecoaches on strike?
No, really, are stagecoach drivers on strike?
Where are you from in Cantal?
-Aurillac. -Aurillac, okay.
At least it's a city. How many people live in Aurillac?
Of course, you have no idea.
The census people never go there.
They haven't found it yet.
But welcome, really. We have to take care of people from Cantal.
Modern life can be rough on them.
When someone from Cantal goes to a medieval fair,
for them, it's like Tomorrowland.
Catapults? My, oh, my!
Yeah, no.
Still, I heard someone say, "It's in Essonne."
Some of you don't get the reference.
I did this video one day,
with jokes about department 77 and the Sénart Forest.
It covers two departments, the 77, and the 91, which is Essonne.
Someone in the audience shouted, "That's Essonne!"
Some degenerate at the back of the room.
I posted the video online where I'm ad-libbing with him, pretty surprised.
And often when I perform, someone will scream, "It's in Essonne."
It allows me to spot the degenerates in every audience.
You should know I never travel without my degenerates.
We formed a crew, the Degenerates' Crew.
And this is our sign. "It's in Essonne." Like this.
The Degen Crew. In da house.
So lots of info.
But we do have people from Cantal with us. Two people.
So I wonder who's in Cantal right now.
Get back there to keep an eye on things.
Maybe Russia is annexing Cantal as we speak and we have no idea.
It's dangerous.
Picture yourself in this village.
Let's go back to our demonstration.
Picture yourself in this village, smaller than Aurillac.
A hamlet, a small town, a tiny village.
Twenty people, that's it.
You're walking around, the weather's nice. It's a beautiful area.
You're on vacation, everything's fine.
Suddenly you see a Black man.
Everyone here will be thinking, "What is he doing here?"
"I was expecting to see groundhogs, but this…"
You know he's far from home.
Even if you're Black yourself, you know why you're here.
But him,
what is he doing here?
The only two Black people there are bound to spot each other.
They'll be like, "We're not going to say hi just because…"
"Hi."
Any white people in the audience?
White people rarely answer that question.
When you ask a white person, "Are you proud to be white?"
They go, "It's tricky."
Genocide, slavery, Trump.
We shut the hell up.
"Would you rather be Black?"
"Wouldn't go that far."
"Not proud, but not stupid either."
If you ask a Black person they'll go, "Of course. Black power, my brother."
"And would you like to be white?" "Actually, yeah."
"What would you do if you were white?"
"I'd put my picture on my resume."
"And then I'd file charges."
Just to see how it feels to talk to the police
without being shot at.
Really, xenophobia is everywhere.
It's just a common human trait.
So much so that it can solve problems.
Like, for example.
Israel and Palestine for example.
They've been fighting for 70 years.
"Give me my land." "No, you give me my land!"
If you tell them, "If you don't fix your problems,
you'll have to take in all the Roma."
They'll be like, "We have no issue with each other."
"We're just bickering here."
"We're just gently bickering, right?"
"I loved your shooting."
"Stop it. You and your stabbing, magnificent!"
I'm tired of people focusing on this conflict.
If you like wars, there's a lot of other great wars.
Right now, in Yemen, it's pretty wild.
You just gotta like wars.
Otherwise, don't go there.
In Lonely Planet Yemen, there's just one page: "Nope."
And in fine print, "Local highlights: French weapons."
And so we're obsessing over the Israel-Palestine conflict
because it's a geopolitical soap opera.
There are twists.
Recently Trump said, "I think Jerusalem is the capital of Israel."
Okay.
Seventy years of conflict, and we were waiting for you.
We thought, "This needs an idea from the Donald."
"He looks like he knows his geopolitics."
What shocks me is that people still listen to him.
At the United Nations, Trump is like the uncle at a family dinner.
"Yeah, sure, Uncle Donald…"
Don't encourage him. What are you doing?
Just throw chicken nuggets at him.
He loves it. He's happy.
Who's a happy Donnie?
Sure, with no hands. Suit yourself.
After the Parkland school shooting, he suggested teachers carry weapons.
Teachers with guns?
What will they do? "So today… Hey, now, Corentin!"
"I can hear you loading your AK-47."
"Put it away or I'm gonna have to shoot you."
"You'll miss the test."
"I'm warning you, I'll fail you."
"Cosine…"
As a result, we're all fixated on this conflict.
Some even think it's the root of all evil in the world.
My friend always brings it up.
He's like, "All our problems are because of Israel."
I try to give him a sense of perspective. He's Algerian.
"You know, it's 70 years of conflict, 50,000 deaths on both sides."
"During the Black Decade in Algeria, in ten years, there were 200,000 deaths."
He went, "What can I say? We're good."
Yeah, like…
He's super proud. You can't reason with him, same as you.
He shows off the flag any chance he gets.
Some Algerians are like that. Algerians and Bretons too.
At every demonstration, you'll see Breton flags.
If Algeria wins the World Cup, you'll see Breton flags.
Bretons will be like, "One, two, three, viva kouign-amann!"
"One, two, three…"
And since kouign-amann is butter and sugar,
we can all agree it's an Algerian pastry.
There are historical connections. It's still unclear but there are clues.
The Arabs' invasion was stopped in Poitiers
and the Algerians took a detour, to go to Finistère.
A philosopher once said, "Racism is unique to man."
A Greek philosopher, Heracletes.
From Ancient Greece, from long ago.
These days, Greek philosophers,
they work at McDonald's.
Well, should have paid your debt back.
Heracletes might not ring a bell.
Don't panic. It's normal, I made him up.
I invented a philosopher. Super convenient for my own credibility.
Use quotation marks and what sounds like a philosopher's name.
Nobody ever disagrees with you. People think you're a scholar.
You can even quote Montaigne, since no one has read all his work.
You can go, "Montaigne once said, 'Shut the fuck up.'"
Besides, he probably did say that at some point.
Since it's Montaigne, you zip it.
There is another technique.
You can start with "according to a study" with a percentage.
That'll fool a lot of people.
"According to a study…" Just great.
Some studies are pretty weird.
There's one that says 5% of the French population is gay.
Do they call people on the phone? "Are you gay, sir?"
"Depends. Can I ask the audience?"
Another technique to sound more legit, drop "ifs" and "thens" in your sentences.
Any linking word gives the illusion of a proper thought process.
A feminist once said, "If one out of two women has been harassed,
then one out of two men is a harasser."
Wait, what?
It seems logical, but the conclusion's weird, right?
One out of two men is a lot.
For example I'm not a harasser, which means Bertrand…
Sorry.
It's purely mathematical. It's one out of two, sorry.
I'm studying rhetorical devices because politicians overuse them.
I wish I'd been a politician, but I would have been a dictator.
I don't want to talk with others.
Political debates, not for me.
A debate with Mélenchon? Can't be bothered.
I mean, the dude's like…
Anything you want, just don't talk so loud.
Whisper.
Better yet, send me an email.
I'll implement everything. Everything you say.
I'd be a far-center dictator, just to be left alone.
I don't feel like talking.
For example, I'd allow gays to marry,
but only lesbians. Leave me alone, now.
Just go.
I'd grant citizenship to undocumented immigrants,
and send them back home.
For once, French people would mesh with the locals.
I'd be in favor of unmitigated free speech.
You say whatever you want, even if it's against me, as long as it's relevant.
Pictures of cupcakes on Instagram?
Straight to jail.
Straight to jail, no trial.
We don't give a damn about you.
Selfies with your mouth like this?
I'll cut off your hand,
with a rusty machete, you hear me?
I'm tired of selfies. It's a real issue.
There are selfie sticks. To take better pictures of yourself.
How lonely are you?
Ask someone to take your picture.
You're exploring the world with your stick, "Out of my way!"
"Human contact is just disgusting to me. No."
There's a real problem.
People are dying because of selfies.
People are dying because of selfies?
Well, good.
Let them die!
It's the myth of Narcissus coming true. We were warned.
Someone actually took a selfie with a gun.
He pressed the wrong button.
It's sad. I feel sad for him.
But at his funeral, you're like, "Honestly,
he was sort of a dumbass, wasn't he?"
"What do we write on the tombstone?"
"'Our beloved dipshit'?"
My last measure, if I were a dictator,
would be forcing advertisers to tell the truth.
Ads don't always tell the truth. If they did, things would get ugly.
"Tonight I feel like going to a place where they serve food saturated with fat."
"I'm lovin' it."
Pesticides on a field of GMO crops, and bam, you get Cocoa Krispies.
"It tastes like a glyphosate milkshake, only crunchy!"
"Kiddo, come here."
"You must do job good, or you no pay,
and your family starving, so,
just do it."
Yeah, that one was a bit harsh.
A bit harsh, that last one.
Children in Bangladesh working 14 hours a day.
When you think about it, it's horrifying.
The rest of the time, it's okay.
When you're not thinking about it, you're not horrified.
When you're watching TV, you're like, "Can you believe this?"
"14 hours a day. It's outrageous. We're talking about kids, here."
"Okay, off to bed now."
And you go to bed in your cotton bedsheets you got on sale.
It's okay, they're made in Vietnam.
They didn't mention Vietnam. What do you do?
I have a strategy.
"I am Vietnam." Boom.
Pretty handy, huh?
Sometimes people say to me,
"Haroun, you're so judgy. Do you really think it's that easy?"
And I go, "No, I don't think that…"
Hoping they forgot their question.
Yep, that's my strategy.
I drink to make them forget.
Now would be a good time to take a commercial break, right?
I also change subjects sometimes.
Very nice theater, this Théâtre Édouard VII. It is.
I'm honored to be performing here at Théâtre Édouard VII.
Not five, not six. Seven.
Théâtre Édouard VII. Often referred to as Théâtre Édouard VII, Sacha Guitry,
because the dude's plays were performed here a lot.
Sacha Guitry is a playwright from the early 20th century, roughly.
He wrote 124 plays over the course of his life.
124. That's a lot.
It's too much. You really need to write 124 plays to make it?
But that's what happened. Nowadays the cool thing is
you can take a picture with an ugly dog and boom! You've gone viral.
Boom! You got a career.
124 plays! What a loser.
People often say Sacha Guitry is a writer who's still relevant today.
He's not still relevant. We just didn't move forward as a society.
I assure you, we're not evolving. Evolution is a thing of the past.
I mean, the theory of evolution worked to a certain point.
Now, we're slowly devolving.
Just look at how people were driving during the strikes.
With these self-generating traffic jams at intersections?
There's a guy, green light, he can only move four feet ahead.
He still goes, "Let's drive ahead. Better than nothing."
He soldiers on, blocks the car coming from his left,
which blocks another car coming… And it's a big block party.
Just like that. And we all go, "Damn, are we stuck here?"
I'm telling you…
Evolution's over.
The Neanderthals managed to survive the ice age.
But we're gonna die at an intersection, from insult-induced dehydration.
"Just move, you son of a…"
Better not be a natural disaster in Paris.
We'd all die. "Please evacuate the city." "We can't!"
"The jackass blocked everything! What are we supposed to do now?"
We're toast. We're toast. It's over.
Gotta accept it. It's just, you know…
So Sacha Guitry, not so modern. Sorry.
124 plays! I wrote four shows.
I'd have 120 more to write. That dude makes me sick.
I often ask myself questions about the world
without really finding any answer.
Understanding the world around us is no easy task.
I'm asking myself questions, but I get no answers.
One question I'm asking myself is,
these people who have tattoos with Chinese symbols,
Do they think it's going to come back into fashion?
Do they really know what it means?
They'll often tell you, "Strength, honor, courage."
Give me a break!
At some point a Chinese tattoo artist charged 100 bucks and went like,
"Wait, sorry. Yeah, hello? I'm at work."
"Yes, I'll get the groceries. What do you need?"
"Wait, gotta write it down. Give me a sec."
"Go ahead. Cucumber…"
Strength, honor, cucumber. Dish soap.
Another question.
I was with a blind man who was reading a book in Braille.
He tried to explain how Braille works. Tricky when you're not used to it.
I asked myself, can you write "do not touch" in Braille?
Or maybe you just have to add "too late" right after.
Oh, no!
I also ask myself questions about religion.
People say homosexuality and religion are incompatible. I can't see why.
The Ten Commandments say, "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife."
Nothing forbids you from coveting your neighbor.
They should have added an asterisk. "Or your neighbor, you rascal."
For God's sake.
You have to tell them everything.
I saw a Jehovah's Witness on the street.
He said Jesus was coming back.
I said, "Okay, but if Jesus comes back,
will he still be able to walk on water with holes in his feet?"
Yeah.
We should warn him to spare him the embarrassment.
"This doesn't work anymore."
"Sure it does. Love your neighbor as…"
Oh, my God! No.
Can you imagine? Losing Jesus again like that? How embarrassing.
You'd better have Moses around.
"Hey, Moses, do that thing you do."
"C'mon, we're losing him."
"No, he can't swim. He's got holes in his hands too."
I saw a video online.
It's about an American with no arms or legs.
He holds conferences to say, "I'm good. I make do with what I have."
"I'm happy to be alive." It's a pretty moving video.
At some point he goes, "Every day, I thank God for what he bestows upon me."
And I can't help but imagine that if I were God, I'd tell him, "Dude,
you're totally welcome!"
"You have every right to not believe in me."
"You got an exemption. You go straight to heaven."
"Do whatever you want. Sin all you want. C'mon, go crazy."
"You can kill someone."
"Just kidding, you can't kill someone."
"Nah, you'd have to nibble on them. That'd be weird."
"C'mon, don't nibble on people. It's annoying. Stop."
"No, you can't do that."
I'm a bit of a mean God.
For you to forgive me, I'll make you the new Jesus.
Only this time, humans will have a hard time crucifying you.
"Nothing sticks out."
I like this part of the show,
because I can see some of you guys are like…
You're right.
Let's move on to lighter topics, shall we?
Some Jewish graves were desecrated.
How do you desecrate a grave? Aren't you worried you'll be haunted?
Even if you're not a believer, you've seen the movies.
Makes you think twice.
A cemetery at night, you're bound to think twice.
It's a scary place. Mostly I'm like, "What does a Jewish ghost look like?"
You never see Jewish ghosts in ghost movies. And yet,
there are quite a few of them.
There are. Maybe the dude who desecrated the grave,
each night a flying yarmulke shows up in his home like this.
To haunt him, to seek revenge,
it hits him with a little slap. Ouch!
All night, it goes, "Boo!"
"Do you know the price of a tombstone these days?"
I told you. Stereotypes often have a relaxing quality.
I understand why you'd wonder what your ghost will look like.
For example, the ghost of a woman in a burka.
Does it put a second sheet on or not? You see?
It's not clear.
Maybe when the woman dies, her ghost goes, "I'm already dressed. Great."
Last question I'm asking myself. I heard polar bears are going extinct.
So what?
We feel sad for polar bears because there's footage.
They're hanging on to ice floats. It's sad. They're cute.
Earthworms are also going extinct. We don't give a damn.
They're ugly and disgusting.
Whereas if they really do die, we all die.
We don't care, it's awful.
Dinosaurs also disappeared. Thankfully, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
Or else it means that we'd all be dinosaurs who evolved,
watching a dinosaur comedy show right now.
It's weird, right? Don't you think?
It's weird. It's weird.
Yeah.
Imagine you're channel-surfing. You'd go, "Is this a remake of the Spielberg movie?"
"They did Spielberg in a theater."
Some of you went, "My God! He does move!"
"What a lazy bum he's been."
It's my little tribute to Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey used to do dinosaur impressions.
I love Jim Carrey, may he rest in peace.
He's not dead. No, Jim Carrey's not dead.
But in fact, his not being dead doesn't really suit me
because what I just did is not a tribute, it's more like plagiarism. Yeah.
Mind you, I wouldn't be the only one confusing the two.
You're welcome. The pleasure's all mine.
People are obsessing over animal protection.
We want to save animals because we feel guilty.
We're cruel to them, so we try to save them to be forgiven.
But nature can be very cruel too.
Nature actually created guinea pigs.
Do you know what the defense strategy of a guinea pig is?
Freezing in place.
Like chameleons, but not at all in fact…
Guinea pigs are like,
"Don't worry. If you don't move, they can't see you."
"What's he doing behind me? Is he sharpening his knife?"
"Just don't move. Trust me."
There are hairless cats, all pink and wrinkly.
What's the use?
What is the credibility of a cat without hair?
They just get no respect from mice.
You know. The cat's like…
And mice are like,
"What is this thing?"
"An anorexic pig? What the hell is this?"
"You guys, come see this."
"Just look at its head. Get the selfie stick."
Hairless cats get no respect.
No respect at all. It's like a toothless pit bull.
Sir, look. I was attacked by a pit bull. Look.
Look, I got a hickey.
I'm not crazy about dogs because I have to admit
we humans are cruel to animals. We take their skin,
we use them for testing. To animals we're like the Nazis. We are.
But dogs, they're collaborating with the enemy.
The dog's on our side.
When a human takes a rifle to go fox-hunting in the woods,
they go with their dog.
So once the dog goes into the forest, he could go,
"Hey, brother."
"Run away, bro."
"They're going to fuck you up. Trust me. Run."
Dog doesn't do that. It goes, "It's here!"
"It's here. C'mon, shoot the bastard."
"I'll bring it back to you, no worries."
"I'll bring it back to you. Shoot it."
"C'mon!"
"Fuck it up real good. Besides, it looks like me and it pisses me off."
"Yeah, mess around and find out."
"We'll see how proud you are when they turn you into a whore's scarf."
I saw the Chihuahua of a celebrity with a fur coat.
It's like nature's ultimate paradox, right?
A Chihuahua with a coat made of rabbit fur.
If a Chihuahua fights a rabbit, the rabbit wins.
Chihuahuas can't win against anything.
A grasshopper? Boom, heart attack.
The Chihuahua was standing there, rabbit coat on, proudly.
If it runs into a rabbit, what's it supposed to say?
"Woof you gonna do about it, huh?"
"You have a problem? Woof you gonna do, huh?"
"You cut the crap now."
"Cut the crap because we're with the humans."
"And we have no regrets because the humans pick up our shit."
"It's, like, the awesomest."
"Especially today, you can't deny it. Look."
"I'm wearing your mom."
I found out the deadliest animal in the world is the mosquito.
Mosquitoes kill approximately two million people each year.
Except we're afraid of snakes, spiders, sharks.
We all agree if a shark gets bitten by a mosquito,
it can't scratch itself.
The mosquito wins over the shark.
Especially since the shark often keeps its fin above water.
An opportunity for the mosquito.
We don't know why the shark does that. It just wants to show off its fin.
There are two animals who are proud of their fins. Sharks,
and fans of car-pimping.
Might I go as far as saying sharks are tacky? Anyway.
I don't wanna judge.
So our shark is like this, with its fin sticking out.
You'd think it's hunting, but in fact it's lost.
Very bad sense of direction. It's like,
"Damn them with their strikes, man."
"Hey, Mr. Octopus, which way is the ocean?"
"Okay, bear with me."
"You see my tentacle?"
"Not this one, the other one."
"God, how stupid can you be?"
"No big deal. Just turn round, swim past the rocks."
"What's going on?"
"I just got bit."
"Ouch! I just got bit."
"Scratch me, Mr. Octopus. Scratch me."
"C'mon, rub yourself against me, Mr. Octopus."
"I need some rubbing, c'mon!"
"What a weirdo."
Okay. You liked that.
Mr. Octopus is the kind of thing that makes you laugh.
Good. I mean, it's good to know.
Why work my butt off writing material?
"We couldn't care less about the far right. Do the octopus."
But still, we're at odds with nature.
We just are. Today no one can deny global warming is real.
I always thought it was strange that there were so many people having drinks outside
in Paris, the night of the November 13th attacks.
Yeah, I wasn't sure.
Wasn't sure about that one.
I gotta stop making these jokes about the environment.
People are so sensitive. It's crazy!
But since cigarettes have been banned from bars,
they've put heaters outside.
They thought, "It's cold outside. Hence, radiators."
For smokers, so that they can smoke themselves to death comfortably.
It's a terrible thing to do. You shouldn't smoke, smoking kills.
"You gotta die from something."
Sure, but not from cold apparently.
There's a World Cup of Soccer coming up in Qatar.
Qatar's, like, in the desert.
Usually when someone asks, "Wanna play soccer?"
You go, "Sure, where? In the desert? No, thanks."
"Because I'm a fan of living and stuff."
They're gonna hold the World Cup there.
At first, even FIFA officials were like, "We can't hold the World Cup in Qatar."
"It's in the desert. How much did you say?"
"In cash?"
"Then again, we'll have some nice weather."
The World Cup will be in Qatar.
They're building air-conditioned stadiums.
They're putting AC in stadiums.
And you feel guilty when you don't recycle.
Aren't you a cutie.
Let me reassure you, it will be organic air-conditioning.
Let me explain the concept of organic AC in Qatar.
You take the Nepalese who didn't die during the construction.
You put them behind each stadium-goer, with a mint in their mouth, and they blow.
There are tensions between Qatar and Saudi Arabia these days.
The border's closed because they're accusing the other of financing terrorism.
I saw a talk-show about that. At the end,
they shared questions from the viewers.
One actually asked, "Could the crisis in Qatar impact the Paris soccer team?"
Is that what you're worried about?
You say, "Have you heard Qatar is suspected of financing terrorism?"
He'll be like, "Damn. That's serious."
"Especially for trade season."
I'll sometimes think about my personal interest first.
Once I was due to travel and my plane was supposed to fly over
a war zone. It scared me.
I thought, "I'll fly Qatar Airways."
"They're not gonna shoot the sponsor."
When I'm in those moods, sometimes I'll go, "The end of the world, why not?"
Right? Why not? First, we deserve it.
Plus, Armageddon should be on everyone's bucket list.
Seriously, can you imagine? Flames, people running around. Meteors falling.
It's like the Yellow Vests, but better. You dig?
It's pretty exciting. Right? I think God will put on a very nice show.
He'll get tired of us.
He'll drop meteors, tsunamis, a bit of cholera on us.
He's gonna play Candy Crush with us.
But the hardest level will be Haiti.
These guys will not die.
Super resistant, Haiti.
You drop a meteor on them, they'll just live on it.
I'm wondering what I would do if we knew the end of the world was coming.
We have three hours left. The meteor is about to hit.
How do you spend your three hours?
Any ideas, you guys? What would you do if you had three hours to live?
I'd make love to my wife.
Well, make sure she feels like it.
It's the end of the world, nothing is certain.
"Honey, maybe we should make love."
"I have three hours to live. I don't want to waste it."
Yeah.
It's the end of the world, maybe there are better things to do.
Because last time, there was a couple in the first row,
The dude said, "I will make love to my wife."
His wife said, "But what will you do with the remaining 2 hours and 55 minutes?"
I was like, "That's harsh! Damn!"
Any other ideas?
-A barbecue. -A barbecue.
Barbecues are important. It's a common reply, barbecues.
Food is often mentioned when I ask that question.
People go, "Raclette, tartiflette, barbecue. Couscous, chocolate."
The end of the world's pretty heavy in calories.
Nobody ever said to me, "I'll have a quinoa salad at the end of the world."
"With parsley, so I'm light enough to ascend to heaven."
No.
There is no gluten-free end of the world. That's for sure.
Even vegans, I think they would go crazy.
"You, give me some meat. I don't care about animals anymore."
"C'mon, get me them burgers. Take off the bread, put chicken instead."
"C'mon, hurry now. I wanna try everything."
"A kitten. Cook it, let's have a bite."
Any other ideas?
-Aperitif. -Okay. Cocktails. What would you drink?
-Whisky and Coke. -Whisky and Coke. Got it.
It's pretty gangster.
You just get wasted. Got it.
Alcohol-induced coma. False alarm. Ah, shit.
Any other ideas?
A parachute jump.
Wait a minute here. Someone just…
So you said parachute jump. And you, what did you say?
-I'll go see your show. -You'll come see my show? That's nice.
Apparently, at the end of the world, I'll be working.
These guys won't leave me alone.
Have you ever noticed that when your hair is burning…
My time's up, I'm dead.
-Someone said a parachute jump? -Yes.
Just take the parachute off, might as well…
You'll enjoy it more.
So you'd jump, huh?
Any other ideas?
-Space travel. -Space travel?
To try to avoid the end of the world? Is that what you mean? Yes?
There's always a smartass trying to game the system. Right?
If you had one wish, what would you do? "I'd ask for a thousand wishes."
Great. Well, game's over. Thanks.
Space travel.
So you'd see Earth explode.
You'd see Cantal float by.
Your meteor couldn't find us.
Hello, Ariège.
Any other ideas?
What? What did you say? Go on strike?
-And you, up there? -I'd eat some Cantal cheese.
You'd eat Cantal cheese?
Yes, I would.
You think that'd protect you?
Makes you invisible, so they can't find you.
Go on strike.
What do you do? Sorry?
I'm a corporate lawyer.
What did you say you were?
-Corporate lawyer. -A corporate lawyer?
You never got the chance to go on strike. I can tell.
"Fuck, they are so lucky."
"I'm on my computer, while this guy…"
"He's getting beat up by a cop, he's so lucky. God damn it."
My eyes aren't even burning. There's no tear gas.
Any other ideas?
-I'd sing. -What? You'd sing?
Is that it?
-I'd sing. -You'd sing.
So you… you're the annoying one.
Wait!
Listen, y'all. Wait. You're gonna love…
We'd all be waiting like, "Where's the meteor? Please hit us now."
"It's taking so long!"
I like chatting with you.
I love it. I'm always very surprised by your answers.
The other day someone really set the bar high.
He told me, "I'll do the three D's."
I go, "What's the three D's?" He goes, "Dining, drinking, fucking."
Wait, what?
The end of the world means the end of spelling?
I asked him, "What's your name?"
He said, "Name's Jean-Marc, but you can call me JP."
Let me tell you one thing,
for my end of the world, I want this guy around.
I'll just watch him do things. "Do things. C'mon, do things."
To me, it's high time we went.
We're pessimistic. Everybody says the world's in bad shape.
The world's not in worse shape.
We've always been dissatisfied with the world.
It's kind of a good thing. It makes us wanna find solutions to make it better.
I've been looking for solutions. Generally, people don't like them much.
There are too many people on Earth.
We'll have a hard time feeding everyone.
I got an idea, but I'm not sure you'll like it.
There are some overpopulated countries.
And underfed countries.
There's an opportunity in terms of protein recycling.
We could try feeding Asians to the Africans.
Only, in Sudan, you'd hear someone go, "Chinese food? Again?"
No, it's…
Often when you're researching cannibalism,
this story about the plane crash in the Andes Mountains comes up.
A rugby team crashed there and to survive, they had to eat
those who hadn't made it. That's intense.
At first, they started by eating the plane.
Doesn't quite work. It hurts your tummy.
"I feel like I have a screw loose."
"What did you eat?" "A screw."
They had to pick who they were gonna eat first.
Maybe they did it Survivor style, with a Tribal Council.
I pick Pablo.
You used to say I was bad on the field. We'll see how good you are.
I tried something else to make the world a better place.
I tried to fight waste by finishing all the medication I had.
Bad move.
I lost some of the medical pamphlets. I made some weird mixes.
I took a laxative with an antidepressant. It feels weird.
You have diarrhea, but you're happy.
Every 20 minutes, you go…
It's weird. Don't do it.
Medication can affect you even if you're not sick.
Say you take a pill for split-personality disorder.
The medication suppresses one of your personalities.
But if you don't suffer from the disorder and take the pill anyway,
you're just left with no personality.
You start ordering dessert samples.
Okay, I see some of you are not laughing at all.
"What's wrong with him? I'm a manly man."
"I have manly dessert samples."
"Actually, just one sample, otherwise I get heartburn."
But I think deep down, we remain optimistic.
When you keep having kids, it means you have hope for the future,
and you trust the way you raise your kids will enable them to save the world.
It's not easy raising a child. Take role models, for example.
Some kids are huge fans of Robin Hood, a thief.
He steals from the rich to give to the poor. Still a thief.
Everyone loves him. He's like Bernie Sanders with a bow.
Everyone loves him except when it comes to voting for him.
I'm not in favor of Robin Hood economics.
If you steal from the rich to give to the poor, the poor become rich suddenly.
When it's too sudden, they'll do stupid things.
Like buying apple green Ferraris.
What a shame!
Or they'll buy caviar, but spread it on Ritz crackers.
You're appalling. You look like a rapper after his first royalty check.
It's not easy raising a child.
We often complain about how children are raised here.
"Our social values are falling apart."
Which values are you so nostalgic about?
Back when your parents chose your wife or husband for you?
It still happens in some cultures.
One night your parents go, "We're going out. To fetch you a wife."
"And some milk."
Can you imagine the pressure?
You're young, you grab your father and you go,
"Get me top-shelf material, please."
"Don't do to me what they did to you with Mom."
Your dad's like, "I'll do what I can. Have you seen what you look like?"
The bride and groom meet on their wedding day.
At the same time as the guests.
The groom lifts the veil up and goes, "These bastards!"
"These bastards! For crying out loud!"
"And she's at her best right now."
"I'm sorry."
But it's too late. The guests saw the whole scene.
And so people are gossiping. "Did you see that?"
"At least we know she's a virgin."
You turn to your father. "Dad, what did I tell you?"
"No reason why I should be the only one."
You gotta take care of children.
They also need to be protected against those who say school is useless.
School isn't perfect but it's not useless.
Those saying school is useless just didn't go to school long enough
to know.
These guys dropped out in seventh grade, drive a BMW, and they're like,
"I'm a self-made man." Sure, but you're a drug dealer.
You have to weigh the pros and cons.
If he gets shot, will he go see a surgeon who didn't go to school?
A surgeon who'll be like, "I agree, school is useless."
"I dropped out in fifth grade."
"So wassup? Got hit by a bullet?"
"Where? Kinda like here? In the mandible?"
"Yeah."
"Have you tried turmeric?"
"Okay, then, you need surgery."
"Viviane, can you please play the YouTube tutorial?"
If he makes it, is he going to consult a lawyer who didn't go to school?
A lawyer who'll defend him like this. "Yo, Your Honor. Your Honor."
"Hey, Your Honor."
"C'mon, Your Honor."
"Your Honor."
"Wassup?"
"Chillin'? All good? Chillin'?
"What was it I wanted to say…"
"What was it I wanted to say?"
"Oh, yeah, he didn't do it."
"No, he didn't. Because he swore on his mother's life."
"It's good enough? Please respect mothers, Your Honor."
"We respect your mother, you respect ours."
"So you think he did it? So my client's like, you know…"
"You know, like…"
"He be like… You know what I'm talking about, right?"
"Like, babble babble. But, like, all serious and shit."
"And so, of course, cops come, boom, client's in the car."
"Boom, police station, the whole bullshit, whatever."
"Blah blah blah, that kind of BS. Who did it? I didn't do it."
"Like my client did it? He did it? You're trippin'!"
"You crazy."
"Hey, you know what, Your Honor? Get out, for real."
"You're just useless, with your stupid hair."
"Don't worry about it. I'm in charge now.
"Hey listen, Ms. Prosecutor…"
"Yeah, you."
"Hey, Ms. Prosecutor…"
"You good? You prosecutioning much? Prosecutioning good?"
"She's looking at me. Is she a hot mama or what?"
"Hey, Ms. Prosecutor, you wanna see my gavel?"
School's important.
It is.
So to close the show, I'll introduce myself.
My name's Haroun, but you don't necessarily know who I am.
That's not a problem. Even I don't know myself.
Like, in wartime, I don't know how I'd behave.
You shouldn't trust me too much during a war.
Because whenever there are terrorist attacks,
some people will say, "We're at war."
And each time, I go, "Like, all of us?"
"Because I had things to do."
"Like go to the post office. Stuff that's better than war."
Not many famous people are called Haroun, although recently,
someone by this name got famous, a Sudanese refugee
who tried to get to England through the Channel Tunnel.
This tunnel is 50,5 km long.
It's pitch black and you have to avoid trains. Pretty impressive.
A worthy contender for Immigration's Got Talent.
Problem is, he was arrested at kilometer 48.
It's a bit sad.
Even if you're a far-right voter, you'll go, "What a pity!"
They could have officially approved the performance.
In fact, I think the police had known for a long time that he was there.
They thought, "Guys, there's only one exit."
"We'll wait for him right here."
I think that when they arrested him, they probably went…
So tonight, in solidarity with Haroun the Sudanese,
I'm gonna stop this close from my last punchline.
Good night!
Okay, I'll do the actual ending for you. I'm gonna end with a slam poem.
Because slam poetry kinda does the job for everyone.
For the rich, it's almost poetry. For the poor, it's almost rap.
And for me, it's almost not shit.
Me, I like slam poetry but I never know when to listen to it.
If you play slam poetry in your car, people are like,
"What's wrong with him?"
If you put on slam poetry at a dinner party,
your guests will be like, "There's someone talking, no?"
"Boy, your walls are thin. You bought this place? Okay."
Terrible night.
So let me recite this slam poem, entitled "All Accomplices."
It's actually the last remains of my first show,
a show I performed in front of roughly four people.
In total.
40 performances, four people.
That's a good score.
So this slam poem is called "All Accomplices."
Can I have some slam poetry lighting, please?
That's nice. It kinda has that spoken word vibe.
It feels like Medium Angelou.
Yeah.
Not everyone got the joke apparently. Explain it to them.
"You got it?" "Sure."
"He's referring to D'Angelo."
Not even close.
Let's go, slam poem called "All Accomplices."
While hypocrisy's loomin' Rotten slam poem incomin'
I don't care 'cause everyone would know
If talent led to success A lot of producers would not get blo…
That's the end of the show
Shamefaced, I leave the stage
I feel a bit gloomy Like an atheist in the Middle Age
I hope all the audience leaves happy No matter their age
Not a great rhyme But that's just the truth
I speak the language of Molière But you know, French is rough
All accomplices, of what though? Of being the one on stage, alone?
Alone with his conscience, that stupid cow I'm sure some of you know
The good, the bad, the strong or the wimp
The conscience of Abbé Pierre That of George W. Chimp
That of the man on welfare Or that of the man who loves dough
That of the man watering his lawn In front of a thirsty bro
All accomplices, accomplices of nothing
Because we do what we do In relation to what we know
Whether we're Black, white Brown or yellow
We think we're no Superman We're not gonna save the planet
Especially not in red underwear I'm sure the guy is hiding a secret
All accomplices of opening our mouths Too much or too fast
Always the same people talking Saying the future is the past
So all accomplices of "It's just the way it is!"
Regrets don't help, life can't be undone Control Z there's none
Yep, geeky rhyme indeed.
So in the end what's left?
Should I resist each time The devil puts me to the test?
No, but the devil, you can tell him
This quote, he should never forget:
"The Devil is me"
"Heracletes"