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In 2020, I faced some huge challenges.
I was unable to meet with the people I love,
I lost my freedom…
and the excitement that I feel on stage.
I was unable to say goodbye to loved ones
before they left this world.
On February 22nd 2020,
while doing a concert in Bahrain,
I heard about the first Covid 19 case in Lebanon.
…the first Covid 19 case…
Reports have come in about the first Covid 19 case…
I came back to a new situation in Beirut.
A different life that we should adapt to, me and my family.
We felt like we were in a war, where we have to hide to protect ourselves.
And this is what happened.
A week later, I found out that I was pregnant.
Six weeks pregnant with my third child.
Yes, my third, not second child.
On July 7th 2017, my pregnancy with my second child was confirmed.
I suffered a lot of health problems during that period.
It was at its peak.
My body rejected the pregnancy…
and I miscarried.
I felt like…
I had lost a part of myself.
I felt guilty, even though it wasn't my fault.
I felt depressed and lonely.
An indescribable feeling that only those who experience it
can really know. I hope nobody would ever go through this experience.
After that… I lost all sense of purpose.
I lost my dreams. I stopped pursuing all my personal and artistic projects.
All of my artistic projects, from songs to music videos, came to a halt.
And I, a person who's always kept work separate from my personal life…
and who has never let her pain affect her work…
I was broken because of what happened to me.
Healing became my only concern, to grow my family.
So that Jayden would not be an only child
and would have the opportunity to have a sibling.
And that took four years.
Those four years were very hard. I hope the day will come…
when I can come to terms with that period of my life.
I never stopped doing concerts.
I HEART MYRIAM FARES
The stage…
was the only place that took me out of those feelings.
I can't see if it's a boy or a girl.
Hello!
It’s moving.
That's true.
It keeps on moving.
It seems bored.
Right from the start.
Because you're always home.
God!
It's been two months.
I gave birth to Dave in 2020.
As happy as I was, I was worried about him.
I worried about the pandemic.
And I was really afraid of going through the same experience all over again.
-Happy Mother’s Day. -Thank you.
With every year I feel more involved in Mother’s Day.
This year I was overwhelmed with so many feelings,
because I was feeling a child taking shape inside of me.
Mom, Mom, day and night
Full of tenderness, Ever since I was born
You will be here When I become a big boy
I’m thinking of you, Mom
Give me a kiss.
Mom!
Quarantine was an opportunity that life may not offer me again,
to spend all my time, my heart, mind and soul with Dani
and Jayden and take care of myself during my pregnancy.
I take all my medications on time, but they're not helping me at all.
I feel sick all the time.
I always feel full without eating anything.
And sometimes I wake up completely out of breath at night.
Nausea and feeling bloated is totally normal,
but it would help if you got some rest and several hours of sleep during the day.
Several hours of sleep during the day? Impossible!
How could I sleep and leave Jayden and my family,
who are used to me taking care of even their smallest needs?
Especially Jayden,
who was forced to stay home without being able to go out, see people,
or have people come over, even relatives. And he couldn't understand why.
How could I go to sleep and leave him? Impossible!
Jayden!
No.
This part is for Mom to color.
Okay.
And this part is for me to color.
Best friends, me and Mom.
What do you mean by "best friends"? What are we doing here?
We're hugging each other.
How I love your hugs.
I didn't want Jayden to lose his sense and joy for holidays.
So I decorated the house and made all the preparations
as if the whole family was gathering,
though it was only me, him and his dad celebrating.
But we had so much fun.
I STARTED BAKING HOLIDAY CAKES AND COOKIES
Very nice.
Do you like that?
Nothing can clean that.
-This one. -Which one did you choose?
I want to add these.
You're breaking them.
-Good! -Can I do some?
How did it get like that?
It's like a fish.
No!
Wow!
A balloon!
Happy birthday! What's written on the Balloon?
I love you, Mom.
How lovely!
Thanks a lot, I'll keep it around my neck, because I like it so much. Give me a kiss.
To me, birthday is being in good health.
I used to get really excited about the doctor's visits,
to make sure that the baby is fine.
So that I could take the opportunity to see people on the street.
I was really committed to the quarantine.
We wanted a baby girl. A boy and a girl would have been perfect!
The only thing that matters is that they live a good and healthy life.
I cried.
The difference between the two pregnancies is four kilograms.
On week 19, when I was pregnant with Jayden…
I weighed 53 kilograms.
That's correct.
I weigh 57.5 kilograms now! Stop feeding me.
Jayden is the first child in my family and he gets all the attention.
I was so worried he wouldn't accept having a brother.
I started preparing him before I told him. Reading him books,
and telling him stories about children and siblings, and me and my siblings,
how we used to play and laugh together.
"I will be a big brother soon."
"Choupi draws a picture for the baby at home."
Really?
Yes, look.
I prepared him to the point where he personally asked Jesus
to give him a brother and a bird.
Do you remember what we asked Jesus for?
No.
-Try to remember. -A bird?
What else?
-A boy? -Yes
You asked for a baby and a bird, right?
Close your eyes.
And come with me.
We're walking toward the first surprise.
-Really? -Yes.
A bird?
-Who asked for a bird? -I did.
-Who did you ask for it? -Jesus.
Look what Jesus put here for you.
A bird, look at it.
I don't know what else I asked for.
-What else did we ask Jesus for? -A baby.
A baby! Where should we put the baby?
Anywhere on Mom?
Behind you?
Behind me?
The baby is inside my belly. He's still so small.
He will keep on growing.
Mike became Jayden's best friend.
It really helped him in quarantine and he felt less lonely.
Mike, did you like this setting, or did you like the music, or the lights?
His best friend.
Did you have fun in the water?
I want some of this, Mom.
No. Mike became friends with the whole family.
A very good race…
You guys need Zooma with you.
And Zooma, the dog that keeps everyone in the house entertained.
Zooma.
Hello, pretty dog.
Even Zooma and Mike became friends.
What should we thank Jesus for as well?
Thank you, Jesus…
Jayden wanted to go to church to thank Jesus and bring him a present.
The present was Jayden's favorite snack.
This one for Mom.
For Mom?
-And this one-- -Thank you, Jayden.
And this one for Dad.
And this one is for the bird.
The bird.
And this one for the baby.
Okay.
-And this-- -For who?
For Jayden.
Of course, for Jayden.
Revolution!
I ache for my country, which I think of as my big house,
where I should feel safe and stable when it is corrupted.
But the people are the ones paying the price.
People should demonstrate again.
There's no--
The dollar rate is 6,000 Lebanese pounds. Do they want people to become beggars?
What's the purpose? To make us all leave?
So that nobody will prosecute them?
I have a question for the politicians’ supporters.
Are the politicians feeding you?
How are you living? How are you sending your children to school?
How are you paying their school fees? How are you going to the hospital?
Do they provide you with medicine and treatment?
We all demonstrated, but nobody listened to us.
My Lebanon!
Lebanon, my country!
We have strong young people, why don't they go to politicians' houses?
I don't want to leave.
My husband was telling me yesterday…
that we should start considering other options, rather than staying in Lebanon.
I don't want to go, he cannot force me to leave.
So we decided to take it day by day and today is a new day.
I changed my hairstyle today and I'm going to surprise them now.
My mom used to cut my hair when I was a kid,
and when I grew up I started cutting my own hair.
And during quarantine girls weren't able to visit hair salons,
so I decided to teach them about my haircut.
NEW LOOK FOR THE HOLIDAYS? TRY THIS CHALLENGE!
This video is only for strong-hearted girls.
If you're fed up with your hair being all the same length
and you feel like cutting some layers into it.
You will keep the same overall length, but it starts short and gets longer.
I was very happy to encourage all the girls to cut their own hair.
And the results were wonderful.
FOR MYRIAM
By the way, even Jayden did the haircut challenge.
Your hair is going to be wonderful.
When I used to dream about marriage, I used to ask God for a man
who'd love his family and be a good father.
Do you want to call Dad, Jayden?
-Surprise! -Surprise!
Whose surprise is this?
Surprise!
For Dad!
Thank you.
I didn't know that God was going to send me a man
who would make up for the father's love that I was deprived of as a child.
God sent me Dani.
What is this, Dad?
Wow!
Let me put it on for you. How wonderful, Dad.
Wow!
-Mom, Dad. -Yes.
Will you put it on when you sleep?
Of course, if you want me to.
I will keep it on too.
We will keep it on together.
-Are you filming? -Yes.
You're filming me.
Where are you now?
Why are you zooming? Hello.
Hello.
All the medical references say
that if a pregnant woman has to do any heavy work, like traveling,
or working, or moving to a new house, or cleaning the house,
she should do that during the fifth month of the pregnancy.
Because during that time the fetus is no longer in danger
and she's still not too heavy.
Did you start yet?
Yes.
This one is too big, where do you put it? Good boy.
We still have all of these.
Social distancing.
I'm distant.
We continued decorating the house from my fifth month of pregnancy
up until I gave birth.
We decided to lower the chandelier.
-Look at me, Dani. -Stop it.
Today I enter my sixth month of pregnancy.
It's 5 a.m. and Dani went to bed a long time ago.
Jayden went to bed a long time ago as well.
I cannot sleep.
Mom!
What do you want, my love?
Jayden.
Four years old is a very sensitive age for a child's memory.
A child can't remember much from that age.
And at the same time
a child is like a sponge that absorbs everything around them.
When will the COVID-19 virus end?
Maybe Dad knows.
Dad knows?
Yes, because Dad knows everything.
I had some difficulty reminding him of the outside world
and reminding him of all the things he likes to do.
We begin with what number? Number one. And the face?
-Angry. -Very good, Jayden.
I thought a lot about mothers, especially when we started home schooling.
I have only one child and I found it very hard.
I can only imagine what it's like for a mother of three or four.
How do they manage?
A star.
We were supposed to color a butterfly
and now I'm coloring my hands.
-Two. -Two? Good work, Jayden.
Excellent. I'm very proud of you, you big boy.
What about the color?
-What color is that? -White.
Excellent!
Very good!
There are some similar things.
We can stop now. I will wait for you.
I want to tell Mrs. Metri that Jayden continues to
do his activities, thanks a lot.
Thank you, Mrs. Rita.
Very simple things can make a mother happy.
I've loved nature ever since I was a kid.
But life's concerns made me forget about that passion.
You like my tomatoes?
Show me. We're going to have salad today.
Can I pick this one?
Yes, it's good. Does it smell nice?
This is today's crop.
Wow!
That's enough.
My legs.
Really?
You sprayed me with water!
Not that one.
That one, Dad.
Up.
You sprayed me with water.
I cannot go to sleep
before arranging everything for my kid.
One, two, this one is done.
This one is a donkey.
This one is done.
We're done.
What's kicking here?
-The baby. -The baby?
Why is he kicking?
He's talking to you.
What is he saying?
He's saying, "Hello, how are you?"
Baby, baby.
My freckles are darker.
They're spreading more.
Same thing happened with Jayden.
Once I give birth…
they will go back to normal, because they spread during pregnancy.
None of my clothes fit now, in my seventh month of pregnancy.
No jeans or pants or anything.
Only big dresses fit me now.
I brought the sewing machine in from storage and started sewing.
You're too close to the water!
-Really? -Come and help me tear this fabric.
Good boy.
This is the dress I sewed.
Just like the three of us celebrated my birthday,
we also celebrated Dani's birthday together.
Put them here for Dad and for you.
There's chocolate all over your mouth.
Tada!
Ouch!
Let's blow the candles out together.
Good boy, Jayden.
To Jayden.
-Come here, Jayden. -Okay.
I couldn't believe what had happened!
We thought there was an explosion in our house.
I ran like a maniac.
A big boom.
Yes, Mom, a big boom and the sky is all red.
The alarm won't stop ringing.
The alarm won't stop ringing, my love?
Yes, and all the houses are destroyed.
And then
in Lebanon
all the kids…
All the kids are scared?
Yes.
I automatically started packing.
I can't remember what happened.
I wish time had stopped there and stood still
until they found the culprit.
Lebanese citizens are enraged.
…was repeated in Martyr's Square, where the gallows were suspended…
…I wish what you did to the Lebanese people would happen to your own children!
God damn you!
I didn't stop exercising.
Exercising…
cleared my mind.
The only place we visited during quarantine
was Our Lady of Lebanon in Harissa.
Who's going out?
Jayden Metri.
Where are we going?
The biggest statue in Lebanon.
Turn on the music, Dad.
-Let's listen to some music. -Okay.
Jayden was very excited to go out.
But unfortunately, the church was closed.
Because of the COVID-19 situation.
I want to go inside.
As happy as Jayden was, he was disappointed.
I blamed myself for promising he could go.
We prayed outside and went back home.
Six years of marriage passed in the blink of an eye.
Even though a lot of things happened during those six years, time flew by,
because me and Dani always support each other.
And we thank God for this beautiful family.
Did you see him?
I feel it here more than there.
Dave never stopped kicking inside my stomach,
he did it day and night.
I was always happy, even when the kicks were hurting me,
because I felt like he was saying, "Mom, I'm here and I'm healthy."
This would tackle the baby.
Tell him how much time I still have.
Around five weeks, according to Dad's calculations.
I can feel it here.
See? He's dancing. Play him some music.
He's doing it alone now. I felt that a little bit.
A little bit?
Change the music. Maybe he will like it.
He hasn't moved for half an hour.
I'm worried because usually he's moving day and night.
If half an hour passes without him moving…
He doesn't have to be moving all the time.
All his limbs are in front of his face.
If he doesn't move them we may not be able to see them.
-Hello, Mom. -That is his profile.
He's quiet now.
Now we have a good view…
Where's my love?
Won't you show us?
Are you upset?
He usually moves all day and all night, but now he doesn't want to move.
I normally eat to live.
But during my pregnancy, I lived to eat.
I now understand people who find pleasure in eating and cooking.
And my growing appetite helped me learn how to cook.
And after nine months, I became a great chef.
Hey, great chef.
Thank you for lunch.
I'm done.
-It smells great. -Thank you.
Wonderful. And Mom is cooking Lasagna.
Do you want to eat, Dani?
Are you hungry?
Should I set the table?
What are you doing here, my love?
What are you eating?
Chocolate?
Yes.
I miss you, Mom. Come out.
No, my love.
I had a bad headache.
And I got the flu.
In that moment…
I panicked.
And I locked myself in the room.
I never expected to go through something like this.
I want to play with you.
I've been thinking for six days…
how did the virus reach my house?
If that's really the case.
Why aren't you talking to me?
Why aren't you talking to me, Mom?
Did we not disinfect properly…
something that I used?
Maybe…
Dani went out and came back and didn't take off his shoes.
I'm a little bit sick, my love.
Open up, Mom.
I will open up and come out to see you in three days, my love.
I love you so much.
People who've gone through quarantine…
know all too well how I'm feeling right now.
And know about the amount of anxiety, fear, and terror…
that I am experiencing right now.
When the test results were negative…
I felt like playing with Jayden forever.
Even though my stomach was huge in my eighth month of pregnancy,
I didn't want to leave him for a moment.
My darling.
-Dad? -What?
Look at me and Mom.
Come and help us, Dad.
Come here.
I'm tired Mom. Come down, Jayden.
In the room.
The monster is here!
Where's Jayden?
There's a hand. Whose hand is that?
There's hair. Whose hair is that?
There's a foot.
Whose foot is that?
Jayden.
Who's here? Whose hair is that?
Now we will drink water.
Bring the bottle to drink water.
How?
You bring some water.
Go easy on me, dear.
You bring me water.
On your marks, ready…
-Go! -…go!
Come on.
Stop.
On your marks, ready, Jayden?
Go!
I'm done.
I'm done. Stop.
I have 12.
I have more than that.
Oh dear.
I have six.
Six is not good.
It's not?
No.
Look, Mike, I have 12.
Look what I have, Mike.
Come down, Mike.
Mike thinks it's a forest up there.
-What's a forest? -Forest is forêt.
Because I have thick hair, he thinks it is a tree.
Either it's refusing to come down or it's stuck.
No.
Where's Jayden?
I saw her hair, Dad.
You count.
It's not a secret…
During the day, in the eighth and ninth months of pregnancy,
I would sleep while standing up.
And at night…
I'd be awake.
I want nothing.
I just want to sleep.
I knew that during the COVID-19 situation,
I wouldn't receive visitors to congratulate me on the baby.
But I couldn't help preparing to welcome Dave.
And I started the preparations in the sixth month of the pregnancy.
I figured that when he grows up,
he'll love to see what we did for him when he was born.
Even if the current situation doesn't really call for all that.
Check this out, we can put this here with some candy.
One like this and a moon.
Can we put some up?
I'll put some up and you put some here, deal?
-There. -Okay.
We're done.
During the ninth month of pregnancy…
I found myself…
all of sudden,
wanting to continue all the projects that I stopped four years ago.
And the ideas began to flow.
I wrote down my ideas, then went down to the studio to execute them.
I will still live
My life, my life
My life, I will still live
My life
I'll play the drums now.
The tone in the song is very high.
Life…
Drums only.
He never stopped moving.
It seems that he liked the song.
Hello.
Are you excited?
Very much.
How do you feel?
You've been kicking in my stomach all night long,
as if you knew you were coming out today.
-Oh, Virgin Mary! -The baby is out!
He's crying hard.
It's a boy.
My dear boy.
-He's very healthy. -Okay.
-Is he breathing well? -Very well.
Breathe.
Sorry, Mom.
My baby boy. I love you so much.
Really? Okay.
-Are you good? -Yes.
Love is in the air.
Baby.
He's holding it with both hands.
My lovely boy.
I couldn't leave Dave for a moment. I asked them to bring him to my room.
And he slept in my room the first night.
I was so worried about the epidemic spreading in hospitals.
I held him tight all night long.
In moments like these time stands still…
and the world stops turning.
And all the ugliness goes away.
From injustice, to sorrow, sadness, and failure.
And hope fills the air, along with love and happiness.
And you feel that no matter how unfair life can be,
you still need to dig your way through…
until you bring out everything that's beautiful
and give it to your child.
By the way, Jayden also dislikes the camera.
After giving birth, my whole life was split between Dave,
Jayden, Dani, and my studio.
I will still live my life
Live my life
What is this?
And since we're still in quarantine, I've focused on finishing my album
and handing over the project to Netflix to be shown on time.
You're early.
Of course.
I learned it.
You want to see something else?
Let's walk.
My baby is walking.
Which color is better?
-That one. -You prefer that one?
-Yes. -Okay.
I wanted to set the release date for each song and its music video.
But we're living through an exceptional situation now, unfortunately.
Especially here in Lebanon.
Ghazi, yes!
Broad, yes!
You're the beginning…
Releasing this album will be different from all of my previous albums.
MYRIAM FARES DECEITFUL LIFE
Every now and then, I will release a song with its own music video.
All the songs were recorded and distributed all over again.
I changed them all.
I have a song called "Missing".
It's a dance track, but I'd like to make it a slow track, is that possible?
Yes, sure, everything is possible.
Let's start then.
I'll let you enjoy the first song I will release from the album.
A song that I personally love, because I sang it while I was pregnant with Dave,
"Deceitful Life".
DECEITFUL LIFE
Subtitle translation by Wael Koubeissy