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When we received the grand jury investigation from Pennsylvania,
it was shocking and it was saddening.
And then I sat down to try to figure out,
"Well, how many priests in the Kansas City area,
the St. Louis area, and KCK had been similarly abusive?"
We have over 230 priests that we know of
that have been sexually abusive in this area.
This is a problem that doesn't go away,
and it needs to be stopped as much as possible.
[sighs] I was a victim in St. Elizabeth's parish,
where there were four pedophile priests in the same rectory.
I was in third grade when it started.
It stopped in eighth grade, when I moved away.
I'm now 62 year…
[exhales]
[sobs]
[sniffles]
Sixty-two years old…
[exhales]
…and I still live the pain for what happened to me
when I was in grade school.
It is an absolute poverty that the statute of limitations
is the crown jewel of the Catholic Church.
What does God and Jesus Christ think about that?
[choral music playing]
What do you ask of the Church?
[parents] Baptism.
Baptism.
Godparents, are you ready to help the parents of this child
to raise him in the faith of the Church?
[choral music continues]
[baby gurgles]
Let's get the fuck out of here.
We will.
I claim you for Christ.
I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
[parents] Amen!
[priest] May God, the giver of all life, human and divine,
bless the parents of this child.
[baby whines]
-[mother shushes] -[baby cries softly]
[choral music continues]
[priest] We're gonna line you all up.
I need you to grab the holy water and put it on a table.
-Yes, Father. -Okay.
[priest] I need you to grab the Bible out of the cabinet over there, okay?
-Set it on the table. -[boy 1] Yes, Father.
[priest] And I need you to carry the cross.
[boy 2] Yes, Father.
[whispering] You have to understand,
only special altar boys get this, okay?
[boy 3] Yes, Father, thank you.
[priest] And may the perpetual light shine upon him.
[clanging echoes]
Pick it up. Pick it up.
-[bell clangs] -[priest] Pick it up.
[ominous music playing]
[music intensifies]
[indistinct chatter]
I have a Simon and Garfunkel concert on video, remember…
It's not super old, probably about ten years ago.
Hey, guys!
Good morning, good morning! What is all this?
[laughs]
-Hi, darling. How are you? -[Rebecca] I'm good!
-Hello, dear. [grunts] -Hi, sweetheart.
-[Rebecca] What is this? -Just torturing my wife.
[Rebecca laughs]
-Oh, hi! -Hi, thanks for joining me.
I'm Rebecca Randles and I'm an attorney.
I've handled every childhood sex abuse case in the Kansas City area, except one.
-Hello, ladies. -[woman] Somebody I haven't met.
Hi, I'm Rebecca.
Nice to meet you. I'm Monica, I'm the drama therapist.
-Oh, wonderful! -Nice to meet you.
[Rebecca] We've represented over 400 victims
of childhood sexual abuse in the Catholic Church.
-How are you today? -Pretty good. How about you?
When you first approached me about casting this film,
as you know, I was leery.
You and I sat down and talked about,
"How do we do this? How do we cast? Should we do it?"
And so kind of the parameters that we chose
were to look at those who had been public first,
who had been involved in press conferences and that kind of thing,
who'd actually spoken.
[Ed] My name's Ed Gavagan.
I came in from New York City, where I live now.
I grew up in Wyoming.
There's a deep vein of shame,
and I've never sat in a room, actually,
with this many people who have a common abuse story.
[Dan] Uh… I'm Dan Laurine.
I am a survivor of the Kansas City Diocese.
I actually work in commercial films and productions here in Kansas City,
and so I was contacted through Rebecca,
uh…
to see if I'd be interested helping with this,
and obviously I'm very interested in helping with this.
I mean, I have so much anger and hatred,
I can't even put it into words.
And it's not because of the priest that did this to me,
it's the Catholic Church, the independent review board,
and the archbishop.
How they've treated me for the last six years.
They just blatantly lie.
Lie, lie, lie.
If I could just say, you have a great voice.
Like, you could have like this voiceover:
[low-voiced] "In a world where five young men come together."
-[laughs] -[Michael] Like the Darth Vader…
[all chuckling]
My name is Monica Phinney.
I'm a registered drama therapist, I live here in Kansas City, Missouri.
Drama therapy is the intentional use
of dramatic theater roleplay techniques for a therapeutic goal.
Trauma, in particular,
I sort of view as this sticky sort of thing,
like, it gets you kind of stuck in a certain part of your brain
and it's very hard.
We break free of that
by putting it out into the world in whatever way makes sense to us.
We don't always understand why we're painting what we're painting,
or why we're, um, role-playing the way that we are.
But once it's out there in the world in whatever way it's out there,
we can take it back in through
the logical and reasonable part of our brains.
As a drama therapist,
using theater and role play to achieve a therapeutic goal
is also just letting the art do its job
in providing a containment so that we can do that safely,
and that's a big part of why I'm personally here.
[Ed] For us, like, I can't risk not being believed
and I can't risk that I look like I'm exploiting what happened to me.
-And-- -[Michael] Or you look pathetic.
I can't look like a pathetic, emotional mess.
-Yes. -[Michael] That's not fair.
[Ed] You know, cut to the weepy dude who, you know, whatever.
Now he's got a wife and a kid and he's holding it together.
-You know, golf clap. And, uh… -[claps softly]
Like, I'm a guy. I can--
I'm a New York City contractor,
I can chew the balls of a union electrician
and get my money back,
but I can't talk about what happened to me when I'm 13
without choking up, and… and… you know.
It's still very incredibly painful for you.
And it is, but in my mind it's like, "They're not going to win."
And that's how I cope with it.
They're not going to win. That's just--
And I have a way of blanking out too, so it's okay. [chuckles]
I do think that we are going to hit some rough spots,
as far as emotions.
[Rebecca] Our biggest concern is that everyone be safe.
And I know that every time that we call and say,
"Hey, do you want to do a news conference? Do you want to…" Whatever.
For every single person we call, it brings it all back.
But if it's too painful, we shouldn't do it.
And Sasha Sanders has been the glue
that has held most of these men together
when we go through the litigation process.
I've been in the background of Rebecca's foreground
for the last 24 years,
and I think coming into this, one of the things that might help
is to think about being able to stand up
for the little boy that couldn't.
I want this to be like a Marvel superheroes
vanquishing the fucking forces of darkness,
if I can… [sobs]
[Rebecca] Mm-hmm.
The Hammer of Thor. Like, you know, that would be great.
[indistinct chatter]
[man] 'Cause we're slowly developing what this is gonna become.
[Mike] Makes me sick to even be in there.
It really does. I fucking hate this shit.
I fucking hate it.
Of course. We'll be in touch.
Okay, see you later. Nice to meet you.
-See you later. -[Rebecca] All right.
Thanks for all your help.
Do you feel comfortable
voicing those types of concerns as we go through the process?
If it doesn't make sense to us, it doesn't make sense to both of us.
So far. I mean, I've only known him a couple hours.
Because of our similar situations.
I didn't realize you didn't know each other.
No. We've never met. Today's the first time.
-[Monica] Wow. Okay. -We have Rebecca in common.
-And now you have to… -[Tom] There you go.
…kiss the cross.
-[Tom] No way, I'm not kissing it. -[Ed laughs]
[Michael] It's amazing how clothes can have an effect on you.
So…
[man] So, is there anything of this that you imagine being a character in?
Probably the green.
[man] You want to pick it out?
[Michael] There's a symbol. Everything there has a symbol, a meaning.
[Ed] I remember these.
[Michael] Oh, the incense burner.
I mean, to this day, it's like one of those smells that just…
You never smell it, and then when you do.
I don't know if there's another physical artifact in the world
that I haven't held in 45 years.
[incense burner chain clanking]
[Ed] I always see my 13-year-old self as a kid I used to know,
but not me.
And what the problem I'm having
is that I don't feel like I have a connection to him.
So I don't know how to take care of him.
So, coming down the aisle with these guys,
this is melding me with the kid.
And now…
[sparse, emotional music playing]
[Michael] It's an unusual approach to therapy.
And I agree with trying a new perspective
because the story's been told so many… the same way.
And I think if I can help, and I think you think so too,
we can help, that's what we want to do.
But I… you know,
I'm not going to self-flagellate in front of a camera…
to have that result.
[line ringing]
-[male voice] Hello? -Rick?
[Dan] Hey, so I'm working on a documentary that we're filming here in Kansas City
about the survivors of the Kansas City Catholic diocese sex abuse.
We basically have gotten together
and we're trying to walk through each other's memories,
and the things that haunt us the most.
Each individual survivor is writing their own…
script, basically.
But we have a few scenes where we need a church,
and obviously, the Catholic diocese isn't being very helpful
as far as that goes.
-[man 2] This is the original church. -Yeah?
We put all new walls, new windows.
[Dan] So, one of the most enjoyable jobs I get to do in film production
is location scouting.
I've been doing that for over 20 years.
I'm scouting locations for the guys to film scenes in,
but it's equally as important that when we visit those places,
it's an opportunity to
take back the power of those places over us.
Because we were so young, so tiny and fragile back then.
[emotional string music playing]
[man 3] And we do rent this out for weddings.
Couple of dear friends of mine got married in here.
[Dan] Where are the outlets or electricity if they need it?
[man 3] They're out… out in the foyer.
[Dan] These are the questions they're gonna ask me.
Can we plug in lights? Can we do this?
Uh…
I felt I was really gung-ho about it.
Like, "Yeah! I want to make that documentary,"
when you called and initially talked to me.
But, I mean, the very first pastor I went up to…
[exhales]
Just kind of brings it all to the surface again.
I guess there's that big hope this is gonna be the thing
that actually puts it to bed.
[Mike] They engraved the word "justice" in concrete,
which is just a blatant fucking lie.
They want the exact opposite of justice.
See, there it is. See it?
"It is an absolute poverty the statute of limitations
is the crown jewel of the Catholic Church.
What does God think of that?"
[woman] Sir, can I help you?
[Mike] No.
Okay, this is private property. I think you need to get off it.
Okay. All right, I'm leaving.
Know what makes me sick?
It's the word "justice" engraved in concrete on that wall.
[scoffs]
How is the statute of limitations, how is that "justice"?
I mean, you're against the rape of children, aren't you?
[man 4] Yes, sir, I think anyone who does that should go to jail.
[Mike] So…
Appreciate you listening to me. Okay, take care.
-Will you hold on a second? -Sure.
-Thanks. What was your name? -Mike. Mike Foreman.
Mike? Okay.
Where were these cops when I was 11 years old and I needed them?
[laughs]
You follow college football at all?
Not as much as I'd like to.
[both chuckle]
Unfortunately, we work those wonky hours.
There's a hell of a game Saturday. LSU's at Alabama.
Okay.
So we'll-- You just won't be allowed to come back on this property.
Thank you! [laughs]
[compressor whirring]
[Mike] Today is the six-year anniversary
of when I first met with the independent review board.
This is back before I had experienced any of their lies
and all of their flat-out fucking bullshit,
so I wasn't even 10% as angry as I am now.
But even then, I told those assholes on the independent review board
that I stain decks
and I work by myself all day long every day,
and I'm alone with my thoughts.
And every fucking day, my blood boils.
And when it boils, I've got nowhere to put it,
so it just fucking boils more.
[sanding]
[Mike] I'd like to see Archbishop Joseph Naumann
hold an open press conference.
I'd like to ask him how he arrived at the conclusion
that I have no credibility.
And that ridiculous letter he wrote me,
at the end of the letter, he said,
"It is my sincere prayer and hope
that through God's abundant and unfailing grace,
you are able to experience healing and peace in your life."
And after he told me that, in writing,
about his own sincere prayer,
then he continued to lie about my credibility,
and he spent several hundred thousand dollars in legal fees
to use the cheap-ass statute of limitations
to deny me my day in court.
[Rebecca] You know, we've been at it, gosh, 30 years.
Thirty years. 1992 was the first case.
And so we've been collecting material about the Catholic Church since 1992,
and that's what we're carrying back to the office.
[Michael] This whole garage is full.
And then you have more?
[Rebecca] Yeah, 'cause these aren't just boxes,
these are lives.
Where is this going?
[Rebecca] This is every place that Monahan was.
-Here's every place that O'Brien was. -[papers rustling]
Every place that Tierney was, every place that Reardon was.
And so, St. Elizabeth's was kind of the jumping off point
for all of these men.
If we were to do a timeline,
O'Brien, first allegation is 1963.
[Michael] Gets out in 2002.
[Rebecca] So, 40 years after the first allegation.
[Michael] When I say, "There were four there at the same time,"
they can't figure out how could that be.
Because they're overlapping in the hiding and the cover-up,
that's what happened.
Almost like they spread out like a cancer
and they kept poisoning everybody!
-[Rebecca] Oh! We have that chart. -[Michael scoffs] We need a bigger chart.
[Rebecca] This is when Lake Viking begins in earnest.
He didn't own the property in Lake Viking until the 70's.
[Michael] And when was Joe? In the 70's? '77?
[Rebecca] Joe was in the early 80's.
[Joe] I was a good Catholic boy,
attended Nativity of Mary church and elementary school.
Much of the abuse happened there
with Monsignor O'Brien and Father Honhart.
And at one point,
Monsignor took me and a couple other guys to his lake house
where he introduced us to Father Reardon.
I remember, uh, Father Reardon saying,
"Come on, let's show them how much fun this can be."
And that's when he raped me.
It kind of came as a shock when it started coming out,
and it came out in nightmares of Lake Viking.
[Sasha] How are you?
I'm good.
[Rebecca] A lot of people start having nightmares
before they begin to have the memories flood back.
As a matter of fact, it's probably the most common way
that people remember things that have been long repressed.
-[Joe] Well, it still happens. -[Sasha] Okay.
[Joe] Which now I know are memories and not necessarily nightmares,
but they're just awful, awful…
-…memories. -Yes.
So what's coming out now is
I'm now that boy.
-Okay, that's-- -[Sasha] We talked about that.
That's what's coming. That's the nightmares I'm having.
I've worked with abused, neglected, abandoned youth my entire adult life.
There's so many people out there that can relate.
Do I have concerns?
Yes, I have concerns being re-traumatized.
For years, I would throw up every Sunday morning,
and not knowing even why I was throwing up on Sundays.
Church caused so much anxiety,
uh…
but I do have several years under my belt of dealing with this
and knowing that I'm okay now.
Knowing that I'm safe and I'm okay with who I am.
-[Michael] Is this vodka? -[man] Yes.
[Michael] Perfect.
[Dan] So as far as what you want to do with the film,
do you want to recreate the nightmares?
[Joe] I really don't know, but it might be interesting.
In my nightmares, I'm running towards the house,
away from the threat.
Sometimes it was cowboys and Indians were shooting at me.
Other time, it was alien invaders.
And I run up to the house and I should be relieved,
but it's like the blackest, thickest, heaviest blanket of evil.
Now you've realized you're exactly where they wanted you to be.
Uh, then a pair of eyes will open up and will be these green eyes.
-[Michael] O'Brien had green eyes, right? -[Joe] Yeah.
Um, so, do I want to go to Lake Viking? Yeah.
I do want to go to Lake Viking.
You know, is there something lurking there?
You know, and if I can eliminate that,
then that may remove even more power
out of these nightmares of running to the house
and just finding evil.
[Ed] When I was a young boy in fourth grade,
my family moved to Wyoming.
You know, my Dad was gone.
I had this void of a father figure.
This new bishop showed up
and we knew that he'd come from Kansas City,
but that was all that we knew.
He was this larger-than-life figure, you know?
There were pictures of him with the Pope.
So there's the public persona of the great man,
and then there's the truth.
And so for me, a scene that would help,
I thought of that movie, All That Jazz.
This idea of, "It's showtime!"
And so I thought, um, it would be an interesting montage of hands
anointing the head of a baby during baptism,
a close-up of that,
and all of these positions of the power
and the sacraments and the influence.
And then, you know, juxtapose that with his hands,
um, yanking down my underwear.
Is he allowed to do this to me?
Doesn't seem right,
and yet he's kind of the definition of what's right.
So…
I don't have anybody I can check with.
And checking with God was not working, so…
-[Michael] Hey. How are you? -How you doing?
-Good. -[Ed] Good to see you.
Nice to see the place again, wow!
He was transferred to become the new bishop,
so he got promoted.
[laughs]
Right? I mean, it's…
"You molest boys, let's promote and move you."
Yeah! Move you to the middle of nowhere.
So by these close-ups on the hands…
I like the idea 'cause the power comes through the hands.
Do you think your hands could be, you know, in the vestments?
[Michael] Can-- I-- To control your idea coming out, I think so.
-Yeah. -[Ed] And even--
You don't want to do it? Is it too close to you?
-I guess, yeah. -I like the idea.
Okay, sure.
[Ed] And then, um, the other thing I was thinking is we could go to Wyoming.
So I was thinking I would call Bishop Bigler, the current bishop,
and say that we're working on this project,
and would it be possible to film in the cathedral in Cheyenne?
You'd get to go up to the bell tower
where they had this giant, braided-steel cable.
And if you pulled it all the way down and hung on,
you would get lifted up, like you were flying.
And so to go ring that bell again and expose…
-What was… Yeah. -A new announcement, perhaps.
[Michael] I said yes to acting in Ed's scene
because Ed was really, really damaged for a long time.
Now, we're all damaged,
but really, really hurt by it
and, you know, it's like a little kid asking you to help them.
And I think that's within all of us, the child saying, "Help me."
I had a very sheltered childhood
and my parents were very strict Catholics.
I went to five different grade schools,
and so the last one I ended up at was St. Elizabeth's.
My molestation was at a swimming pool
in downtown Kansas City.
Uh, Father Tierney goes,
"Stop crying. I'll drop you off to your parents. Nothing happened."
"This is what you do with special friends and priests."
But I wouldn't stop crying.
I get out and I run inside my house
and my mom goes, "What's wrong? Why are your eyes red?"
I said, "It's the chlorine in the pool, Mom,"
and I ran up to my room.
After that I couldn't be around people with red hair.
A certain color.
The smell of chlorine made me start almost vomiting.
You know, I had people call me a liar.
I've been spit on.
Being treated like an enemy of the Church
instead of having them try to help you was a complete shock.
The pool where my abuse happened has been torn down.
And, to me, a sense of place and a physical location
is incredibly important
since, you know, I'm an interior designer.
And for my not to be there, it's like something
that will always be in the back of my mind that I can't confront.
I hope with these other guys, they can confront it
and then go on,
and I just want to help them get through it.
[emotional string music playing]
[Ed] This was the Bishop's residence
and the Bishop's bedroom was up on the left.
And then he would take me back to Kansas City.
"It's going to be fun. We're going to see the Royals play."
But did they have someone with them?
-[Ed] They had boys with them. -Yes, that's what I remember.
It was kind of like, "Look, what I brought!"
-[Ed] Fan club, yeah. -"I've got this one!"
And he was showing me off to all the guys who had their boys.
[Ed] Hmm.
I don't think I've been inside this church
in, uh, more than 30 years, probably.
[door creaks]
[choir singing hymn]
[priest 2] Almighty ever living God, you have restored us to life
by the blessed death and resurrection of your Christ.
Preserve in us the work of your mercy,
that, partaking of this mystery,
we may have a life unceasingly devoted to you.
Through Christ our Lord.
[congregation] Amen.
[priest 2] I want to add a petition today for healing.
For those in society and those in the church,
for all those who have been harmed by sexual abuse,
that the healing of the Lord would wash over them
and that the community of believers would accompany them with great love.
Through Christ our Lord.
[congregation] Amen.
[priest 2] You may be seated.
[whispering] First time anyone's been nice like that.
From any clergy at all.
-Especially… Especially a bishop. -Yeah.
-I feel seen. -I get it.
-[Ed] How you doing, man? -Good.
[Ed] Thanks for… Thanks for going through this with me.
Of course.
So this is the…
where all the priests would get dressed.
And I had, uh…
Did kind of some sketches.
This would be like, um, before getting ready.
-So this would be like, tying their shoes. -Uh-huh.
You know, and I just feel like the hands are the kind of the easiest.
Like, you don't need a lot of props.
That's powerful.
[Dan] Right?
-[Dan] That's it? -[Ed] That's it.
[Michael] Oh, you're kidding.
[Ed] You pull this. Pull this all the way down.
[Dan] Was it a rope then? Has it always been a cable?
[Ed] It was always the braided steel.
-[Ed] What's that? -[guide] You can pull it if you want.
-[Dan] Here we go. -All right, here we go.
-[Dan] Big smile. Look at that smile. -[Michael] I know, it's like…
[bell rings]
[laughs]
[Michael] Oh my gosh. And you just keep pulling?
And bouncing like that. Oh, how fun.
[bell continues ringing]
[mouths] Wow.
It sounds like…
[ringing continues]
[ringing fades]
♪ But my dreams, they aren't as empty ♪
["Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who playing on stereo]
♪ As my conscience seems to be ♪
[man] Mike. Hey. Stop for a sec.
♪ I have hours-- ♪
[song halts]
[man] How long have you been doing that?
-This? -Yeah.
Shortly after this shit happened to me.
I've been-- My whole life, I isolated myself.
When I was in high school, I was down in my parents' dark basement
for hours a day.
[exhales]
My first therapist told me that she thinks when I do this
I put myself in a dissociative state.
I mean, I just-- If I don't do this, I'm just not right.
["Behind Blue Eyes" restarts]
[groans]
♪ And if I swallow anything evil Put your finger down my throat ♪
[Mike] Now, when Naumann wrote me his letter,
he calls it "the independent review board" three times in writing!
I go there, there's a fucking Catholic priest.
He's used to people lapping up his lies like eager puppies.
My abuser's dead.
Oh, fuck. Oh, Goddamn, I hate this motherfucker!
Look at him right here! What a fucking piece of shit.
The reason I can't move forward
is not because of the priest that assaulted me,
it's because of this fucking asshole right here,
and the Catholic Church!
I didn't recover these memories till 2011.
When I told my Dad, I said--
I've always called my dad by his first name. His name's Doug.
I said, "Doug, have you ever noticed
I have never had a romantic relationship in my life?"
And from the second I said that, I regret--
Just the look on his face, I wish I hadn't said that to him.
He passed in 2017.
He was the only person, really,
that had the mental stamina to listen to me.
Big Tom, I know what you've been through, man.
[Monica] Okay, so today is a brainstorm session
related to Mike's story.
I think that the anger is, to an extent, comforting.
So I think it's… even letting go of any amount of anger is scary.
[Joe] Your anger is justified.
And no one can really take that away from you,
any more than anyone can take it from me.
[Tom] But I think Mike has gone through this so many times,
that's all he knows right now,
and we need to change that--
Or you need to change that, for your benefit.
[Dan] So, my brother and I went in for the independent review.
And we went in there and it was a whole table of people
wanting us to tell these stories we haven't told each other.
We haven't told anybody.
But our mother set this up,
and we're both…
turning back into little boys,
scared,
and trying to explain to these people what happened to us.
And they're…
uh…
-[exhales] -[whispers] Take your time.
I can't remember who it was…
the head person at the tables,
as we finally tell our stories and, you know, it's time to wrap it up,
and he says, "Tell your mother we're sorry."
That was his response to me.
And I lost it, and I said,
"You tell my mother you're sorry, 'cause she still believes in you."
So I know that anger.
I've never been the same since that review.
That's when everything started coming back out.
That's when everything unraveled for me.
You mentioned your brother?
[Dan] Yes, my older brother, Tim,
was a victim of Monahan as well.
I don't know what I'm looking for with my brother,
whether it's connection, whether it's relief, whether it's…
Closure? I'm not sure.
But I want something to happen out of that,
I want something to come to surface. I want he and I to talk.
[Mike] I think we should do a reenactment of this independent review board,
just so the public knows there was a Catholic priest.
You want them to know it's not what it was supposed to be?
Absolutely.
It was in a room, not much bigger than this,
and there was just a table.
[Monica] Did you ever have the opportunity
to be in the same room with any of those four people again?
No. No.
[Monica] Would you have liked to?
I'd love to talk to them right now!
Uh, but I want to find the picture of Lake Viking.
Yeah, I'm looking for it.
I have a picture on here, but every time I try to click on it,
it says it is corrupt and can't be brought up.
Let's see if I can do it in a different version.
-[gasps] -[women] There it is.
[Rebecca] We have the deeds
and we've got all the information that shows
that O'Brien owned it.
-[Dan] Did Monahan go to that lake too? -[Sasha] He didn't.
No, he went to a different lake.
[Dan] Do you know anything about his lake?
It's such the same story.
Like, it's just exact same story as mine in going to the lake.
[Joe] You went to a lake?
Oh, yeah. My brother and I both did.
[exhales]
I think you should give him a hug.
[all chuckle softly]
[Dan] I'm here for you. We're doing the same path.
[Rebecca] Don't be disappointed if you can't get on the property.
Lake Viking is a private lake.
We've never actually been able to get into the property
to see where O'Brien's house was.
[emotional string music playing]
[Dan] We're going to scout Lake Viking for Joe.
He's not sure if he wants to film his nightmare scenes there yet.
I'm wondering though, see how that boathouse has two openings?
-Right. -That what he meant by two docks?
Brick fireplace, brick sides.
The goal is to actually find that house and kind of introduce it in little bits.
Show it to him and see how he reacts,
and then he can process that,
if he wants to come out and visit and film there.
You know what's crazy?
I was just thinking I might fall apart if it was my place to go back and visit,
but because it's Joe,
I'm actually more vigilant trying to get this than I would be.
Just to do it for Joe.
I think that's the whole point.
People do things for other people sometimes they don't do for themselves.
[Sasha on phone] Hello?
Yes, darling. "Don't leave the lake," what does that mean?
Just don't leave the lake yet.
I have calls into the victims that actually were abused at that lake.
-Somebody remembers that lot number… -[Joe on phone] Hey, what's up?
[Dan] I was just calling you from a dock at Viking Lake.
-[Joe] Really? -Yeah.
You know, we shot it from the lake.
Now we're gonna shoot ones we think are close to what you described.
-Then I can text you some pictures? -[Michael] 348. Okay, thank you, Sasha.
[Joe] Okay.
[Michael] Lot 348, they found it.
With the light shining through,
I got a pretty good picture of the foyer and the living room in there.
I'm sending that to Joe.
"The last pic, the one with pointed roof and porch,
although it's not exact in my memory,
did make my heart start pumping fast and my anxiety to raise."
[Michael] That one.
[wave laps gently]
[Michael] He's Augustus Maximus, and I've had him-- He's 14.
I had to wait years to get him
because the breeders won't give you a dog
if you have children under five
because their legs are so fragile, they'll just snap them.
They'll just snap.
[barks]
[Michael] They say the dogs and certain owners look alike.
I would like to look like that dog, so that would be fine with me.
So, anyway.
[tinfoil crumpling]
[dog barks]
Oh, okay, boo-boo.
[Michael] The dog loves my mom.
Just need a little more balsamic vinegar.
[Michael] It's underneath, Dad. I'll get it.
Find a couple bowls I'll put the meatballs in.
[Michael] We're about to start actually filming scenes for the project
and my scenes are up first.
I just don't want this film to be a negative thing,
because my parents would feel horribly guilty,
and, you know, it wasn't their fault
and I don't want them to lose faith.
Basically, it's just, I want it simple,
but clear that from the minute you're baptized,
that power starts.
Right, the parents have the baby,
then Tom greets them…
It's incredibly upsetting to me
that they use these rituals and symbols
that are supposed to be helpful and bring you closer to God,
just to hurt you.
You just knew you didn't talk back to them.
Your parents may say obey them,
but it went beyond that.
I would love to push them down the stairs at the end or something,
but you know, do you have any other ideas?
Do we use the same actors?
[Michael] Oh, I dunno, I mean…
Though does that sync the point across that it's always the progression,
-but it's always the same thing? -The same people.
It's always the same method they use?
[Michael] I think that'd be great to have that one boy,
'cause we're all that one boy.
Forgive me, Father, for I have failed to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.
Forgive me, Father, for I have failed in doing right and succeeded in doing wrong.
Forgive me, Father, for I have failed to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.
[Dan] So that's actually my line from when I was a kid.
It took me a long time to come up with this line,
to take the ammo away from him,
to take the power away from him.
So I can walk in, say this to him,
and it's kinda like sticking it to the man.
Like, "I'm not giving you one thing."
"You don't get to use anything against me."
Forgive me, Father, for I've failed to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.
Forgive me, Father, for I have failed to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.
Yeah, the thing about the last one was,
I do identify with him because he's a little badass.
-[Michael chuckles] Yeah. -[Dan] There's something defiant.
[Michael] We're going Tuesday to tour for a scene in one of the churches,
so we're scouting them.
I still can't believe we're getting in the churches. That's a major thing.
It was quite an eye-opener
that actually someone cared enough to help.
-Yeah, they've renovated. -[woman] Mm-hmm.
I think those confessionals are about the same.
I mean, I love the columns.
I wouldn't have done it, but I love… they're beautiful.
-Yeah. -There's a light up there.
I know, but does it go on?
[whispering] I can't help myself.
[Michael] Don't do it, Dan!
I'm thinking, I don't know, like a horror movie almost.
I want the priest, Tom, to have those green eyes that, um…
-[Dan] Joe was… -Joe was afraid of.
It really freaks him out
and maybe he can run up and try to escape and go there,
and like, look down.
One, two, three.
They turn and look there, and he's shaking,
but he's seeing back down to the demon.
Something like that.
-Then this has become part of it. -Part of it.
-Enablers. -The enablers!
Oh.
What do you think?
This is more like the churches that I remember as little.
Holy Rosary was similar, but not…
-I mean, look at the windows. -Stunning.
[Michael] You never think something bad might happen here.
That's the weird part.
[melancholic music playing]
[Ed] That whole visual is pretty great,
from the background of Tom.
Yeah. So are you okay being here?
I am. It's, um…
Somehow the stage set aspect of it is a big help.
Oh my gosh, changed everything for me. I froze outside.
[Ed] It's really helpful to see, you know, the shattered city
and all the Avengers are converging on this… perch.
And they're like, "Okay, here we go!"
[Joe] Yeah.
[Ed] And somehow, we're going to make a…
We're going to make our point.
[Michael] Cross all them, 'cause the dolly is going to move that fast.
[man] So, where is the coffin?
In the center.
And then you kind of…
Then he coughs.
[Tom] It'll be… It'll be all right.
Close. He coughs. [imitates cough]
So… And then you kind of laugh like that knowing laugh that happens.
Then you freeze like your--
Now, you know something's wrong.
You still really don't know, but you're terrified.
That look of like, "What?"
-You know it's wrong. -Whatever is happening, you know is wrong.
[Tom] Are you okay? With all that?
[boy] Oh, yeah.
-[woman] Can I share? -[man] Please.
So, when we, um… when we originally read the script,
our first conversation of it was,
"We're not even going to tell Terrick about this opportunity,"
because it was heavy for us as parents. Um…
Then we talked about it a little more and we slept on it,
and then we talked to Terrick, said, "Okay, look,
your agent sent this, we want you to look at it."
He read it. Um…
He looked at us, like, very casual.
We were the ones that were so worked up over it.
Um…
And he said, "Okay. Yeah, I want to do it."
"This really happened?"
And I said, "It did really happen."
And he said, "But it's not my reality, Mom."
"I mean, it's just… it's acting."
I think it'll be best
if everybody just assumes there's gonna be things
you need to shake off at the end of the day
in whatever way works for you personally.
The goal is to just, as much as possible,
tell our brains and our bodies
that we are done with what happened today.
As much as it's going to integrate into our lives,
we are not in that role right now.
[choral music playing]
[baby cries]
I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
[parents] Amen.
[priest] May God, the giver of all life, human and divine,
bless the parents of this child.
They give thanks for this new life.
-[door slams] -[priest] The body of Christ.
[priest] The body of Christ.
Amen.
-Body of Christ. -Amen.
-[priest] The body of Christ. -Amen.
[priest] I'm sure glad that long mass is over.
Come here, young man. Why don't you have a drink with me?
-Cheers. -[boy] Cheers.
[coughs]
It's your turn to disrobe, go ahead.
[bell tolls]
[ominous music playing]
[choral music playing]
[music intensifies]
[music halts]
Anything with you, Ed? And your deal?
Not yet. My sister was meeting with Bishop Bigler this afternoon.
-She's gonna call me tonight. Yeah. -I saw that headline today.
Eleven people are enough to prosecute, just stop.
Eleven's enough. You're lucky-- You know it's a big thing so…
I really didn't think it--
Maybe one or two, but 11 accusations, plus more.
That's enough. You don't need--
Whoever else comes in, comes in later.
Which I'm sure you think about all the time.
Yeah.
Well, I think partly what it is
is the Cheyenne Police Department is terrified
of the international shit-show of media that will descend on them
as soon as they pull the indictment and arrest that fucker.
That should be a good thing.
Think what they're all hoping is he fucking dies and then it goes away.
My goodness.
[Tom] I have not been able to tell my story
because mine is still in trouble.
It's before the courts…
[sniffs]
…and so I can't do mine.
But I am able to act for the other guys.
And I feel very honored and privileged to be able to do this.
This has not been easy
to put this on,
to sit in the room like this.
[indistinct whispering]
[Tom] But it is a way that I can contribute.
[Dan] This was Father Monahan's robe
that somehow my brother got out of him for a Halloween costume.
I'm gonna be another priest that steps in,
acknowledges what's going on, but leaves and doesn't do anything.
Michael wrote this in, because he heard me talking about how
I remember being paraded around in front of other priests.
So, that's how he came up with this one.
Even if they weren't participating,
they knew it was going on.
[Joe] Just as bad.
-[woman] Phew. Got it. -[man] We got it.
Perfect.
[leaves rustling]
[Sasha] Joe disassociates really quick.
You can see his face kind of shift. So if you see those kinds of things…
And Joe is also very capable of telling you,
"I'm beginning to disassociate."
"It feels dreamlike to me" or "I'm moving."
Those are kind of the descriptive words for him, okay?
-Does that help? Okay. -[Joe] Yeah, it does.
-[Sasha] If you need me, you'll call me? -I will.
-[Sasha] Okay, love you. -Love you too.
This is going to be cathartic for you.
[Joe] I truly believe it is.
This is like a moment years in the making, you know that?
[Dan] Yeah.
-[Dan] You all right? -Yeah.
-You here? -Yeah.
-You want to do this? -Yeah.
All right.
-You got this. -Okay.
[Michael] Sure?
-[Joe] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. -[Michael] Okay.
All right.
For every boy that was brought here.
Oh. Whoo.
-[Joe breathes shakily] -Here's your wall.
You got this.
[Joe exhales]
[Michael] Take a deep breath.
[Joe inhales, exhales]
Okay. Yeah.
It's just walking. It's just a door.
Guess no one's home, huh? [chuckles nervously]
[exhales]
[indistinct whispering]
[whispers] There's the wall.
'Cause he entered the kitchen,
and I know that can't be the same table,
but there's a wooden table.
Looks like a nice home.
A happy home.
-Right? -[sniffles]
I am standing on the porch of my nightmares.
Right now.
[woman] On the porch of your nightmares right now?
I'm at the door.
[Joe sighs]
I remember years ago,
during the lawsuit and all the investigation,
I described the house and I was told that it was wrong.
You know, I--
Everything is right. I was right.
[Dan] There's boys that didn't make it.
There's boys that couldn't live with it, and we all know that.
So we're lucky to be here.
Thank you.
Well, for all those boys, we're going to conquer this place.
We have conquered this place.
Take it back.
We'll give this some time to settle in
and then we can discuss about the scene.
-Okay. -[Dan] Want to try and film it here?
Wanna come back and talk to these people?
You let me know if you think that's necessary.
I'm more than happy to make that--
Okay, you know, I'm just free thinking.
[Dan] Yeah?
I want this to be a happy place.
[Dan] Mm-hmm.
[Dan] You're on a roller coaster, my friend.
[both laugh]
[Sasha] You know I can't wait to get to you.
[both chuckle]
Doesn't it feel nice that the house has diminished?
[Joe] Yes.
You know, so there's been this debate on
do we film "the nightmare" there?
And I'm leaning towards no.
You know.
Which I know the homeowner will have to be informed and everything,
but if there is way to protect them,
so it was like a clean start.
[Sasha] I like your answer of no.
So, I don't think you film "the nightmare" there
because this gives you a transition away from that nightmare.
Was it cathartic for the two of you in any way?
It was just…
uh…
Seeing the process work, seeing it actually… you know,
and being a part of helping him get there.
[clears throat]
You know, besides being rewarding, actually…
it's kind of showing me the process that I hope to get to.
[leaves rustling]
[wind whistling]
Up until that day,
I was having nightmares two or three times a week
and have been for years,
and I've not had one since I saw the house,
since I saw the pictures,
since you guys went there and did that.
-[Michael] Well, that's fantastic! -And it's been absolutely amazing.
I…
After so many years, you still kind of don't want to go to sleep.
I still have insomnia, but I haven't had a nightmare.
So thank you.
[Dan] It's taking the power back, not being so victimized by it.
Just not staying a victim,
and transitioning more into survivor mode.
I think that's happening. I feel that happening.
Yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
[Michael] Joe?
Let's put that priest red light on.
That way that tells you the priest is in the confessional, right?
His red light.
And off means he's waiting for somebody.
[Tom] Yeah, I've seen that. Everything around here is, uh, breaking.
You see that lock?
Why do they need a lock in here?
[Dan] That's a good question.
[intense music building]
[door knob rattling]
[Tom] There is one thing that is creepy in there.
They've got a fucking lock.
Why do you need a lock?
[loud bang]
[music stops]
[man] What did you do? Tell me again.
[Tom] Punched…
[man] We can be done for the night.
-Start tomorrow? -No.
No, I want it now.
I want it now. Let's get it.
[exhales]
I just wasn't ready for that.
I need to conquer these… these fears.
Let's go.
[man] Okay, let's get this thing in.
-[Joe] And this was specific from Dan? -[Michael] Exactly.
-[man 4] Roll sound! Mark it. -[man 5] Speed.
Forgive me, Father, for I have failed to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.
What else do you have to say?
Have you told anyone else about our special relationship?
[Terrick] No.
-[Tom] What have you done wrong? -[Joe breathing shakily]
[Terrick] Well. I talked back to my mother.
-[Tom] Okay. -[Terrick] And hit my brother.
-[Monica whispering indistinctly] -[Joe sniffs]
[Joe] Uh, it's-- I was abused in the confessional.
[Monica] Okay.
[Tom] How long has it been since you've been to confession?
It's been a month since my last confession.
This is unexpected.
I know. You want to stay here?
Are you sure?
[man] Joe, tell us what you're feeling.
[Joe] Tom, how you doing?
I'm doing good, thank you.
[Joe] Monsignor O'Brien was evil.
And everything he said was kind of laced with that.
I'm not sure if that's what you want to convey in this scene or not.
[man] It's your vision, Joe. Take it.
[Joe] Tom, get angry.
Can you do that?
Get angry over what, though?
[Joe] That lock.
Oh, I can do that.
[Joe] Use the anger that you feel towards that lock,
and then use that as power and control over Terrick.
[Tom] Young man, I believe there are things you're not telling me
that you should be telling me right now.
[Joe] And Terrick, you're confused.
[Michael] And you keep pressing him by being angrier then,
"Have you told anyone about our special relationship?"
[Tom] Have you told anyone about our special relationship?
Can we threaten Terrick?
[Michael] Yeah, it's still Terrick sputtering.
And then Tom, you can say, like,
"You know you can't lie to me. You can't lie to God,"
You know, that kind of evil that they say to you.
Can I tell you the actual line?
-You know you can't lie to me. -I'll write it down.
[Monica whispering indistinctly]
[pen scribbling]
[Joe sniffling]
-[Joe whispering] What he said is… -[Monica] You wanna say something?
[Michael] Want me to tell him what to say? Or you want to tell him?
[Joe] I can't say it. Not right now.
[Michael] Okay, Tom, he wants you to say,
"If you ever tell anyone about us, your parents will disavow you."
"You will be kicked out of the church, and you will all go straight to Hell."
[Joe sniffles]
[breathes shakily]
[man] Go ahead, Tom.
If you ever tell anyone--
If you ever tell anyone, your parents will be disowned.
You will be kicked out of the church
and you will go straight to Hell!
[Joe sobs]
[Monica whispers] I got it, I got it.
[Tom] Are you okay, Joe?
[Monica] It's just Tom.
[Joe] Yes, I will be.
I got you, brother.
[Joe sobs]
[man] Go get him out of there.
[Joe sobs softly]
[Tom] I know, man.
I know this is hard, Joe.
[Joe] Okay, I'm okay.
-[Tom] Good. All right. -[Joe] Okay.
[man] And that is a wrap on today!
[all applauding]
[man] Terrick, you all right?
-Yeah! -[man chuckles]
[Tom] Come here, young man. Come here.
Your brother may play sports, he make it to the Super Bowl,
he may make it to the World Series,
but you can say, "I made a movie with Tom Viviano."
[laughs]
-[man] You good? All right. -[Terrick] Yeah!
[Joe] It's worth it.
Knowing that this is a vehicle to help other guys,
you know, the other boys,
because you don't know how many other people
had their own confessional moment.
[Michael] What would you say to the little boy?
[Joe] I can't go there.
I've tried, uh, writing a letter to my 10-year-old self.
[indistinct talking on phone]
Uh, Detective Venegas, this is Ed Gavagan.
I'm trying to reach you.
It's funny, however you try and reach Cheyenne, it's never…
[laughs] It just…
[line ringing]
[man on phone] Hello, Ed.
[Ed] Hi, Bishop Stephen. How are you?
He would be the highest-ranking American cleric ever charged with a crime,
the one person who did not beat the rap
by statute of limitations expiring.
How in the hell is he still not arrested?
I'm just going to hope that Bishop Bigler is able to get the Vatican
to remove him from the priesthood,
which would humiliate him, you know?
And give him a reason to be ashamed.
So, was it… was it a porch or was it like a stoop?
[Mike] It was like… It was like a porch.
I think that I still have credibility just knowing, you know,
where approximately this house is.
It was 47 years ago.
[turn indicator clicking]
[Mike] After I was assaulted,
my mom took me back after she knew what happened.
My mom baked this fucking asshole a cake
and took me back and dropped me and the cake
back off at this guy's house.
[Dan] So I know, like, the bulk of what we've always discussed
is the independent review board.
But this is some really powerful stuff,
the mom with the baked cake, you on the front porch, her driving away.
That's powerful right there.
-[woman] Hey! -[Dan] Hey, how are you?
[woman] I'm good, how are you?
[Dan] I'm good!
So, uh, I'm a location scout for commercial films and feature films,
and we're trying to find, uh…
-We're shooting a documentary. -[woman] Yeah.
And, uh, it's about some boys back in the late 80's.
Uh…
But there used to be, uh, two priests that had a house on this street?
-Nope, Valentine. -Valentine?
[woman] Yeah, they were priests at Good Shepherd.
[Mike] They were? Do you know the exact house it was, by chance?
[woman] Uh… What house did they live in, honey?
I know what house, but I don't know the address.
It's a ranch, single-car garage.
-[Mike] Thank you. -[Dan] Thank you so much!
Oh my God, what a stroke of luck!
-I mean, Jesus! -[both laugh]
I cannot believe those people said that.
I mean, that's proof right there, right?
I'm going to replay that in my mind tonight over and over.
Just the feeling. It just somehow hit like a sweet spot.
I stood right on that fucking porch with cake,
with a priest who had already assaulted me once.
And we watched my mom drive right down that street.
God damn.
Well, I threw my kids under the bus.
-[Dan] No, you didn't. No, you didn't. -You know?
I, uh…
For a long time, I felt like, "How could I be so blind?"
You were just the prime targets.
You didn't do one damn thing wrong.
You were just moving along in life, like you were supposed to move along
and he just took advantage of it.
[Mrs. Laurine] Well, yeah, like Tim said, for a long time
he felt like he deserved everything that was happening.
That somehow, he was complicit.
[Dan] So, Lake of the Ozarks,
it's not where everything happened.
It's just where, I would say, the most significant-to-me things happened.
When I went back to him and I said, "I broke this fishing rod."
He was talking about how important this guy was that was coming,
and it was his fishing rod.
And, like, I wasn't just in trouble,
Monahan was in trouble too for letting me use his fishing rod.
And now I owed this guy.
-[Mrs. Laurine] Manipulation, yeah. -[woman] Mm-hmm.
And so that I had to sleep with that guy that night for the fishing rod.
[man] How old were you?
Fifth grade.
-[Mrs. Laurine] Ten? -[woman] Ten, yeah.
[Dan] I asked her last night if she remembered
the first time I ever mentioned the abuse to her,
and she's blocked it out.
-[chuckles] -Mm-hmm.
[man] You've blocked that out?
[voice breaking] I was going to kill myself.
[Dan exclaims]
But I worked it out, 'cause he's not winning.
He's not winning.
[Dan] All's I got focus on right now
is the dread of what I'm about to do tomorrow. So…
My brother and I are going back to the lake
where Monahan used to take us.
So that's going to be my…
I don't know, pressure point. It's going to be…
I have no idea what's going to happen, and that scares the hell out of me.
[automated voice] Starting route to 1432 Swiss Village Road.
[Michael] When did you find out that he molested both of you?
I mean, did you ever talk about any of that?
No, that-- We didn't talk about that, like…
until Mom signed us up for SNAP, and…
Like, we never discussed it. We just knew it happened.
It's been my biggest fear
that you somehow held yourself responsible for what happened to me.
[Tim] I did for a long time, dude.
A long time!
[Dan] If you're still on the precipice, if you're not on flat fucking ground,
there's something that still needs to be dealt with.
[Tim] Right. I agree.
[Dan] I have seen it work for these other guys.
[automated voice] The destination is on your right, 1432 Swiss Village Road.
-That's not it, is it? -[Tim] Hmm?
That's not it, is it?
No.
Man, I'm drawing a blank.
[Dan] The restaurant would have been here.
The pool would've been in a different direction.
[man] You know what road?
Well, there's another Swiss Village we're trying to find.
I didn't even know there was another one.
[Tim] I remember now, we could see the lights of Tan-Tar-A at night.
So we find Tan-Tar-A, and find a way to get--
[Dan] I remember it had the decorative trim like this.
[Tim] Yeah.
[Dan] You ever heard anything around here like Swiss Villas or Swiss Village,
anything like that?
[bar tender] I know where Swiss Village is, kind of.
He's saying he recognizes it.
So the bartender says he knows what we're talking about.
Just talked to two sheriffs in there.
They actually put it out on the radio, called a few people,
but only thing they can think of is "Susan Road."
[Tim] It's 30 miles, 65--
[Michael] So we're not going to look for it anymore?
[Tim] We're gonna run out of daylight.
[Dan] I thought I was gonna get Tim his Lake Viking moment.
Thought I was gonna get it too,
but more importantly, I thought Tim would get that.
And it would help him heal.
And then when we didn't do it,
I was just terrified how it was going to affect him.
-How did it affect him? -I… I haven't been to able talk to him.
Haven't heard from him for quite a while now, since we did that.
[Michael] I hate to feel that we caused that kind of a thing.
So would you ever go back?
I don't want to go any place without knowing that we'll have a good result.
I mean, it was scary with-- I thought it was all done.
We get there, we're roaming around. It's like, "Oh, my God."
Then I'm worried, What if we don't find something?
[man] Tim said he knew where it was, so we were trusting him, and that--
And ultimately we decided, that was…
we made a mistake and we should've done…
[Michael] Robert, you trust, but you verify.
[Dan] That was me.
That honestly was me. Tim was so confident.
This doesn't matter, we're all mentally broken people.
You gonna believe somebody that's crazy? No.
You gonna figure it out, go from there.
[man] There's no-- Yeah.
There was no verification possible.
[Ed] What he's saying is we got to be careful going forward.
For some reason, I think we're all put together for something.
Is this it? Maybe.
To help.
I'm understanding why I'm here at this point with everybody.
And Kathleen, as you know, I went to St. Elizabeth's,
so it's important for me to go back there.
It would help me very greatly to put things in perspective,
because everyone so far has faced a certain point,
a physical point.
That's my physical point and I don't want to go in there by myself.
I feel bad for you because there's no ending for you yet, Dan.
Your thing keeps looping back in your mind.
I think Joe will have an ending.
Maybe Ed will, I don't know.
And it's just… That's sad for… I'd like to see you have an ending.
[intense string music playing]
[Dan] I was really concerned the last time,
and I thought I had caused you to spiral.
[Tim] Well, I'm sorry about that.
I'm trying to, like, process it through the brain
on how we could see the lights and where we were.
Look at that!
[Dan laughs] I am looking at that!
They've got all the boards on the outside, the trim.
-[Michael] Wow. -[Tim] Ho!
[Dan] But look how steep those fucking steps are!
[laughs]
I just flashed back on so many things on that.
Whoa.
Did you catch that sign?
[Dan] It could be the same fucking place we came to last time.
They all look so close.
[Michael] Dan…
[Tim] Tell me…
We didn't come here before, did we?
[Dan] No.
[man] We came in that way, but remember, this is also far away from that--
[Tim] It's the same place?
[Dan] It's the first place.
It's the same place we came to.
Dan, do you mind if I ask you a question?
Yeah, baby, go ahead.
You had the physical reaction, everything lines up.
I know.
But are you afraid that this is the place?
So you're rejecting it 'cause you don't want to find it?
It's a weird mind game to me.
When everything starts making logical sense
and your brother's backing you up,
are you so afraid of finding it
that you're blanking out and don't want to?
I mean, just think about it.
[Doug] The guy who owns this, until two years ago, this was grass
and there was a driveway that went that way.
[man] Say it loud, Doug.
[Doug] The gentleman who owns this place now said
until two years ago, this was grass,
and this was a driveway that went out like that.
[man] Until two years ago?
This is the fucking path!
[man] There it is.
[man] What is this path, Dan?
This is the path where I broke the fishing rod. [sobs]
The path that I broke the fishing rod.
And then had to pay for it.
[exhales]
[sobs softly]
[sniffles]
Oh, God damn.
Oh…
[gasps] Oh, God damn.
[sobs]
[inhales] Oh…
Oh…
[exhales]
-[sings] ♪ I wanna be an Airborne Ranger ♪ -[Dan laughs]
[chuckles]
♪ I want to live the life of danger ♪
[Dan] This is my life.
[Tim laughs]
[Tim] I've been pushed beyond my means!
-[Dan] This is what we survived. -[Tim] And I love my brother.
And this is the spot.
[Dan] I know it is.
I do too. I do too.
You do realize that, I mean…
I tried to protect you all my life.
Fuck, I do!
You did just fine.
You had nothing to do with this.
It wasn't your fault.
Sure fucked me up.
[Dan] You got me here. I had to use you to get here.
I told everybody I was doing this for you.
[Tim] A'ight.
Yeah, I did!
I lied to myself, in effect, to get this to happen.
[Mike humming]
[emotional string music playing]
[clerk] Yeah, what kind of cake were you looking to get?
Just need a, like, a traditional two-layer cake,
with chocolate icing.
[Monica] All right, we got a ton of ideas.
Should we walk through it? Scribble 'em in?
-[Mike] Wanna just start at the beginning? -[Monica] Yeah.
I also want to sort of interject
and talk through what may be the most therapeutic
about certain choices, or--
The major thing here is we get to try things out.
We get to try them a different way.
That's what drama therapy is usually like, and in this case,
it can be very much like that,
because, for the purposes of the film,
we want to see you try on different ideas anyway,
and we want them to feel good to you. So…
[Mike] So Terrick's mother is going to play my mother,
and Terrick's dad is going to play the priest?
[Monica] I think that'd be cool. That will be cool.
[Mike chuckles] This is getting good!
[dramatic music playing]
Mom, I really don't want to go back in that house with that guy again.
Mike, Father Finian is a man of God.
He's trying to help you.
Hey, Mike. Listen, don't worry about this.
You're not 11 years old anymore,
I've got this.
And don't blame Mom.
As ridiculous as it was as what she did,
she was so brainwashed, she thought that priest was God.
When I was in the sixth grade, everything was great in my life,
and then my mother drove me to this house for therapy.
The first thing this priest told me to do
is lay on the floor.
Before I could say a word, this grown man was on top of me.
[Tom] But you have had bad behavior before you met Father Meiss.
That is very, very significant.
Oh, really?
Would you like to know what I think is very significant?
The fact that I was sexually assaulted twice by a grown man
when I was 11 years old!
Isn't that significant?
[Tom] Yes.
No, you just-- Look, you--
I thought I said, "Yes."
Yeah, but you turn your head slightly in my direction
but you still don't look at me, and under your breath, you go, "Yes."
-Like that. -Okay.
I'm asking you a question!
Is that significant?
Yes.
God damn, man, what the fuck? Fuck!
Would you like to tell them how it was you actually ended that meeting?
And then describe how you would have liked to have ended it?
[Mike] Yeah.
You know, I'm sorry I got kind of crazy there on you guys.
-[Tom] No, that's okay. -[woman] Oh, it's fine. Don't worry.
Okay.
Then when I leave,
there's no doubt in my mind they know I'm telling the truth.
Now, this is what I should have said.
[intense pipe organ music plays]
I got this letter from Archbishop Naumann,
and in this fucking letter
he said that you assholes said
you could not substantiate my credibility.
What the fuck?
How the fuck else could I know where that rental house was in 1972
if I wasn't there?
That puts me in the house with this known child-rapist.
And Mr. Priest, how the fuck do you live with yourself?
Don't take this too serious, okay?
How in the fuck do you live with yourself?
You're doling out spiritual wisdom and guidance for decades
in the name of the Lord,
while you're covering up the rape of little children?
So what would you say to Jesus if he was here right now?
I want to know! What the fuck would you tell him?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
What could you tell him, right?
And you're going to tell me I have no credibility
and you're sitting in a confessional,
having Catholics confess their sins to your evil ass?
You know, I've never known the joy of having a child.
I would rather have a crack whore babysit my child
than any fucking Catholic priest in the world!
Because I know about you assholes.
And there's not just one or two of you,
there's tens of thousands of you, isn't there?
Fuck.
Fucking makes me sick just to be in here.
Let me tell you something, you fucking assholes.
Our mom baked this cake,
but I'll be goddamned if you fucking assholes are gonna eat it,
you sons of bitches.
[music halts]
Fuck.
You fucking people make me sick.
[exhales]
[Monica] All right, Mike, let's snap out of it. How you feeling?
Good.
[Monica] Tell Mike how you're feeling about it.
Man, that felt good to get out, get that off my chest.
I felt like I had an elephant on my chest.
[Joe] I think what you did was awesome,
and you did something that is so hard for me to do.
-And that is you talked to Young Mike. -[Mike] Well…
And that has been the biggest mountain I'm trying to cross.
[Mike] I was in character there. I was him!
I was kind of concerned about him.
Everything's going to be okay.
[Monica] Yeah, tell him.
[Mike] I tip my hat to you, Terrick.
This is a horrible subject,
and I'm sure your parents, you know, helped you with all this,
and you're going to be good, right?
-[Terrick] Yeah. -[Mike] Awesome.
I think Mike is very strong.
I think that what he did was great,
and I believe him a hundred percent.
[Mike] Thank you. That means a lot!
[Dan chuckles]
[Monica] Let's everyone walk out of this space.
Get out of the area in general, okay?
Take a couple walks around, and then I'm going to come find you guys.
[melancholic music playing]
[Michael] All this stuff, Dan?
Yeah, if you wanna take these.
-Do you want this two feet or four feet? -I think two feet is good. That's--
-We can rip one of these down. -Okay.
I've got another panel right here.
[Ed] And it's just a blank panel?
-Yeah, just do it blank? -Yeah.
[Ed] I think it should just have this, like,
dream, kind of, uh, a doll set look to it.
[pneumatic nailer banging]
The other side over here. So against that.
[Dan] Have you ever stained wood?
-Really, smart ass, really? -[Dan] No, have you?
Yes. I've done about everything.
-[Dan] Really? -I didn't say "well," but I did it.
[Dan] I saw that written on a bathroom wall.
-[laughs] -[Michael] Did you write it?
[saw buzzing]
You know what? Push with your foot, the bottom plate.
[Dan] Hang on just a second. We got to space it for the door.
So here, Ed.
[Ed] Wow! Dude, you got the color just on.
That's great.
Good job, man.
Meant to be. Making it happen.
-Are you doing scenes today? -No.
[Terrick] When I'm putting clothes from the closet into the suitcase, you--
I just do it, but when he, um, asks me to come stand by him,
that's when you want me to act odd?
That, when you have the--
-That's when the awkwardness can start. -Okay. All right.
[Ed] Interesting to think this little kid's going into change into clothing
so he can reenact one of the worst days of my life.
How high did you want the socks?
-All the way up. -All the way up?
-Yup, great. -Okay.
Excellent.
[Joe Gideon on recording] It's showtime, folks. It's showtime!"
[Dan] Try it with this…
It's showtime, folks.
And just think, "I'm gonna fucking lie to these people."
Like, and there's a shame,
but there's also, like, an arrogance again of like,
"I'm going to pull the wool over their eyes."
[man] Like a hustler.
[Ed] Hustler, yeah.
Doesn't he look scarily like a priest?
[whispers] This is a-- This is a lot for Michael.
This is a lot for him, he's doing so well.
[choral music playing]
"It's showtime, folks."
[grunts]
[Ed] My intention is to have that moment,
when the kid is up in a room with this authority figure.
And this is a fulcrum for his childhood, at this moment.
There's a transformation of how he sees religion,
protector figures.
That does a number on your map of reality.
And, uh, when the map is wrong,
it's hard to realize how far away you get
when the map has been distorted like that.
Like I'm not remembering being raped.
I'm not remembering seeing his penis.
None of that happened.
But it was the day that he knew
that I would not ever tell,
and that he could then go further from there.
We ready?
This almost feels like more of a protector position, as well.
[Michael] Hey, Eddie, come up here.
[Terrick] Hey, I put the lawnmower away.
[Michael] Oh, that's good. Good.
I need some help packing. Will you help me?
[Terrick] How long are you going to be gone?
A couple days.
Okay, there's the suitcase which you see. Um…
-What do you want me to start with? -Start with that drawer.
-Okay. -[Terrick] How many?
[Michael] Yep, perfect.
Now, my underwear.
Three pair also.
-How's school? -Uh, good.
[Michael] Good. How's your mom doing?
[Terrick] Good.
[Michael] Fold that over, please, and lock it.
Sorry.
Yeah, both sides. Perfect, good.
[Ed] Now, the belt.
Um, let's do some pants. I need two pair in there.
[drawer opening]
[Michael] Here, put this in.
Those.
Come here.
[ominous music playing]
You need to go to confession before I go to Casper.
I went last month, in church.
That was last month.
[Ed whispers] This is perfect.
And then, Michael says…
"What sins did you confess?"
So what sins did you confess last time?
And now, Terrick,
you can tell whichever ones you think you should.
I've cheated on a test, and I fought with my brother.
That's all?
[ominous music building]
You need to confess everything.
[Ed] And now, Michael is going to say,
"The church has been very good to your family."
[Michael] Look at me, the Catholic Church has been very good to you,
to your mother, to your brother and sister.
You don't want that to all go away, do you?
[Ed] What else have you done wrong?
[Michael] So tell me, what else have you done wrong?
And don't lie to me.
I don't know what you're talking about.
[Ed] "What about when you think of girls?"
What about when you think of girls?
I don't.
What do you do when you think of girls?
What are you talking about?
If you can't tell me, then you can show me.
Show me what you do when you have impure thoughts.
[yells] Cut!
[whispering] Okay, guys.
That was really good, Terrick.
-Let's go to lunch. -[whispers] I wasn't expecting that.
-What's that? -I wasn't expecting that.
[Dan] All right, I think we got it. That's a wrap.
Good man.
[laughs]
[Dan chuckles]
Thank you. Good job.
-Oh, baby. -I know.
-[chuckles] -[sighs]
-[Ed] You did-- I appreciate you. -It's so frighteningly easy to manipulate.
Scary.
[softly] Thanks.
[sniffles]
[indistinct chatter]
You did so good.
Terrick…
This is the legal thing I can do.
[laughter]
[Terrick] Ed.
-Little homie, lookit here. -[Ed] Hey, buddy.
[Terrick] Just wanted to let you know, I tried my best to tell your story.
Thank you.
-Huh? You did a good job, man. -You did a good job, dude.
All right, well…
Hopefully you'll get to see, uh, the final chapter
when that bad man goes to prison.
That's what we're waiting for.
[whirring]
[Ed] Well, I guess the way I think of it is
this is the time that the shame is put back where it belongs.
And this is the way to do that,
the only way that I know how.
[choral music playing]
[Ed] I end up having correspondence between the chief of police in Cheyenne
and the special prosecutor in Natrona County.
I realized what a pissing match it is between these two guys,
as they decline to prosecute.
Their final paragraph is,
"We very much regret that we have come to these difficult conclusions."
"However, this letter in no way should be used as a tool
to vindicate Bishop Hart."
"We have also concluded as part of our review of this investigation
that EG," that's me, "was a victim of Bishop Hart."
So he's gonna have just sat down…
In the end, it's because,
and this was indicated to me in a conversation with their office,
they have scarce resources
and there's no way Hart is going to live through
the duration of a trial to get a guilty verdict.
And with that, the case was dropped.
[laughs]
[grunts]
[Dan chuckles]
[wood clatters]
[Dan] Hmm. All right.
[Ed sighs]
[Ed] Bishop Bigler put me in touch with someone
that could get a letter to the Pope.
So I wrote a letter to the Pope.
And then, to my shock, the Pope wrote back to me.
And he said that he asks my forgiveness.
And he asked me to pray for him,
and he promised to pray for me.
In the end,
they declined to remove Hart from the priesthood,
and my assurance from the Pope that this would be addressed…
I just don't think the Pope had the kind of clout
that he thought that he did.
[Joe] This is Nativity of Mary school and church,
and this is where all the abuse started.
This is where Miss Denton was,
and in the lawsuit, she took the stand and lied through her teeth.
-Oh! -Yup.
This is the confessional.
[Joe sobs]
So that's where that happened.
Can I shut that?
[Dan] I'd love for you to shut that.
[footsteps approaching]
I started this letter, I don't even know how many times, to you.
"Dear Joe, this is the hardest thing to do."
"Why is this so hard?"
"I mean, you're me, or rather you were me, so why does this feel impossible?"
"There are things you need to know,
light to shine into the darkness and truths to replace those lies."
"I know what has happened, and what is about to happen to you."
"And in this regard, you actually know more than me."
"There are still things I don't know that you do,
memories I've not yet remembered and yet still weigh upon my mind."
"You will lock away those memories in the days to come."
"You'll be trapped, pushed down and silenced."
"But you do it as the only way that you see to survive."
"It's taken me nearly 40 years to understand
that although time continues to march forward,
I continue to be anchored in the past."
"By you, to you and with you."
[Mike] Me and my Dad, we came here every morning for coffee.
I can see him right here.
I'd say, "Doug, God, can you believe this?"
"Rob's here filming us."
"We're going to be in a movie,
and you're going to be talked about in the movie, Doug."
"People are going to know about you in this movie."
I told you back then I'm never, ever
going to give up seeking what little justice is possible
from these fucking assholes.
And I will never stop, never. I can't stop.
[Joe] "And as you repress the memories of what happened to us,
I trapped you, along with those terrible times,
deep in the dark places of my mind."
"How awful it is to be locked inside,
to be both prisoner and jailer."
"How awful it is to not just be silenced in the present,
but also to be the originator of that silence in the past."
[Tom] But Lord, I know you had other plans.
Other plans for me.
And that's okay.
Dude!
[chuckles]
[Joe] "It's an incredible sacrifice that you're about to make,
but you need to know that it was the right thing to do
and that, with time, you're finally free."
"And as you recover, you even find your voice."
"Your sacrifice has saved me."
Are you flooded with memories?
Yeah, it's-- Actually, I can't believe I'm standing here
'cause I swore I'd never come back in.
[sighs]
-You want some alone time? To reflect? -[Michael] Yeah, just for a second.
Just to think for a minute.
That's it.
-[Dan] That's it? -Yup.
-[Dan] You did it? -[Michael] Yeah.
[electric razor buzzing]
[Joe] "You're the fire that burns within, no longer with hatred and self-disgust,
but with the need to share with others
and help lead guys like you to a better place."
[Dan] So, this whole thing means a lot to me,
and I appreciate you helping me with this part.
This is a symbol for me to say I'm taking this back.
It doesn't have any power over me anymore.
And you helped that for everybody in the show.
That's been great.
So…
Yeah, fuck this place. Let's get home.
[Terrick] How you feeling?
[Dan] It's a big thing, but I'm good!
I'm good.
Hmm?
[Joe] "It was you that chose to keep living each day."
-I'm proud of you. -Thank you.
[Joe] "It was you that chose to get out of bed."
[chuckles]
[Joe] "In short, you chose to live and to love,
and in return you chose to be loved."
"Remember your Superman sheets and curtains?"
"Superman was your hero, he was not human."
"How many times did you feel like you were not human?"
"You wanted so badly to be him,
to be anyone other than you."
"You wanted to fight for truth and justice,
he was your epic hero."
"Well, that's exactly what you have become."
"You entered the battle of your life
and have gone on to use those tears, fears and pain
to reach out to and better understand other boys in pain
who struggle through their own epic battles."
"You became an advocate for youth
and fight, in a very real way, for truth and justice."
"I hope the strength you showed is rewarded with peace and contentment."
"Make no mistake,
you are the epic hero in the story of us."
[inhales shakily]
That's it. That's it.
-[crew applauds] -That's it.
[Dan] The film is shot.
[man] Incredible.
[Dan whispers] Good job.
[exhales]
[sighs emotionally]
How are you?
Good.
Let's get out of here.
[chuckles]
[church bell ringing]
[choral music playing]