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* Snowflakes and candy canes *
* Frosty cookies and big parades *
* Just a few of the wonderous things *
* On this holiday season *
* Decorating our Christmas tree *
* Singing carols so merily... *
And now, the pies de resistance.
My gosh, more food.
I mean, how is that even possible?
Don't worry, we're gonna jog it off tomorrow.
You guys know my motto...
There's always room for dessert!
Yes.
Yeah, not after five courses. No.
Okay, fine. I'm going to put it in the kitchen
in case anybody changes their mind.
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just out of curiosity, what is for dessert?
Oh, this is my signature recipe.
Pumpkin Cheesecake with a graham cracker crust.
You're killing me. Is that maple whip cream?
-Yes. -All right, put that down.
I'm gonna grab a slice. I cannot!
This has been the best Christmas with you guys.
I want to do this every Christmas Eve.
Let's make Christmas Eve dinner our tradition.
Okay, and I think I speak for our family
when I say we are in.
Yes. Can you cut it while I get some plates?
It's so pretty, I don't wanna cut it, but I'm going to.
Okay, guys, come on, get in position.
-Yay! -Get in front of the tree.
I don't wanna stand next to her.
-Why don't you go outside? -Skye!
Be nice.
-Look at the supermodel. -Dork.
-Jake! -Skye!
Oh, my Gosh, someday you guys are gonna get along.
-Never. -Never.
Would you look at that.
We're finally agreeing on something.
Honey, come on. Come on, you guys.
-Get in front of the tree. -Okay.
Get in tight, everybody.
Come on. Nice.
And everyone say, "Pumpkin Cheesecake!"
-Pumpkin Cheesecake! -Pumpkin Cheesecake!
* Dashing through the snow *
* In a one-horse open sleigh *
* O'er the fields we go *
* We're laughing all the way *
* Bells on bobtails ring *
* They're making spirits bright *
* Oh-oh, what fun to laugh and sing *
* A sleighing song tonight *
* Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells *
* Jingle all the way *
* Oh, what fun it is to ride *
* In a one-horse open sleigh *
* Jingle bells, jingle bells *
* Jingle all the way *
* Oh, what fun it is to ride *
* In a one-horse open sleigh *
Thanks for coming in.
Hey.
-That's what you wore to your interview? -Online. Waist-high.
-Oh... -And they're only hiring unpaid interns.
-Two summers from now. -I'm okay with that
because I like having you around.
You'll get something very soon.
"Big flex!" Did I say that right?
I'm thinking you shouldn't be saying it.
-Okay, Pooh Bear. -Mom!
You're painting over dad?
Yeah.
I think it's better composition.
Also, I feel if we're officially divorced,
he doesn't get to be in my art anymore.
-You okay, Mom? -Yeah.
I'm fine. You're coming tonight?
What's tonight?
Christmas charades at the Riveras'.
Skye will be there.
I think I'm gonna sit this one out.
Honey, I love it so much when you're home with us.
Oh... Missed you guys too.
And I'll be back permanently in June so.
But then you're going to apply to grad school
and then you're going to intern,
and you'll have a corner office at a Fortune 500 company.
And I kind of feel like this is
like our last Christmas together.
MBA, 80-hour-a-week job, marriage, kids, grandkids,
and funeral arrangements.
Might as well end it right now.
Okay.
Let's just get through the holidays.
Okay.
-Tank! -Oh!
Oh, sorry.
He's excited to be out of the city.
Hi. Well, you know what, to be fair, I do have meat.
Are you in town for the holidays?
Kind of a working holiday.
I'm renting the house down the block.
Oh, the Morgan place. You must be the writer.
I guess everybody here does know everybody.
Oh, you have no idea.
So welcome to the other North Pole.
The one without polar bears and elves.
But you do have reindeer.
Usually they pass through here every year except for last year
and it doesn't look like we'll see them this year either.
-Oh, no. -The Wildlife Bureau
was supposed to send someone out so.
Hey, is there something fun going on over here without me?
-Trish, this is... -Kendall Curry.
Hi, Trish Rivera.
Self-proclaimed Queen of the North Pole.
Mother of all cheesecakes
and breaker of game-night records.
I'm Diana Forester.
You're Trish and Diana.
You've heard of us?
Literally everyone I've met in North Pole
seems to talk about you two.
The unstoppable duo who wins
the home decorating contest every Christmas.
Oh, well, that's Trish. That's all Trish.
-I just help her out. -That's so not true.
Diana is the yin to my yang.
Would you mind if I take a photo of you two for American Life?
The website?
That's the one.
-We love American Life. -We do and it's about time
you did a story in our little town.
Well, that's a perfect place to start.
-Okay. -Okay, smile.
Now that's a friendship.
-Can I see? -You look great.
-You too. -You both look great.
Oh, duty calls. It was nice meeting you two.
Yeah, I'm sure we'll see you again.
Merry Christmas.
-Hey, see that purse? -Yeah.
Fake Fendi.
How can you tell?
Because I have a real one.
All right, Tin Soldier!
Um...
Nutcracker!
-Pear tree. -Yes!
What?
That is another win!
That is a three-peat for the Riveras!
And this would not be a party
without Diana's fabulous Da Vinci cookies.
A true culinary art, people.
And you know my motto.
There's always room
-for dessert! -For dessert!
Yes, there is.
Yes.
All right.
One lone cookie left.
Ooh...
Painted in 1503...
In oil, not canola.
Paid attention in art history.
Thank you for recommending the course.
It was really interesting.
Hey, where's Jake?
He's job hunting.
Yeah, we thought that a diploma from his Ivy-League school
would guarantee him a job right away, but...
That is why Skye is going to grad school.
You'll thank me later.
I'm sorry. I'm got to take this. It's a work thing.
Are you helping my mom out with Best Holiday House again?
Uh, yes, she is and we're going to win
another Golden Reindeer.
She does love winning.
It's not the worst quality to have.
It is if you text "Pear tree" to your charades partner.
Uh-huh.
Okay. All right, she does bend the rules sometimes
but it's harmless.
You know? And then she will host a dozen fundraisers
to make up for that.
You're such a good friend.
You always defend her.
Yeah, I guess I do. So, when do we get
-to meet this new boyfriend? -Oh, no, we don't.
That's over and done.
I'm single and so not ready to mingle.
I hear that.
At least we've got each other this Christmas.
Come here. Give me a hug.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Honey, will you please take this over to Jake, please?
Do I have to?
Yes, you have to. It's Christmas.
Go, walk it over, please.
Fine.
Thank you.
-I know, right? -Please.
-Can you please? -Yeah.
Thank you.
-Keep going. Keep going. -I'm gonna give you a generous pour.
-Don't stop, please. Thank you. Delicious. -We'll just kill that bottle.
Merry Christmas.
* I saw three ships come sailing in *
* On Christmas day, on Christmas day *
* I saw three ships come sailing in *
* On Christmas day, on Christmas day *
* I saw three ships come sailing in *
* On Christmas day, on Christmas day *
Ho, ho, ho!
That just came on.
Uh-huh.
What? You never seen a four pack before?
Looks more like a two.
Leftovers. Thanks.
Hope I'm not stealing you away from Frat Boy.
We're not together anymore.
Oh!
Skye Rivera without a boyfriend on Christmas.
That's a first.
For you too, huh?
First Christmas without your dad here.
Yeah, well, he wasn't all that here
even when he was around.
And now he's with his new wife. So that'd be a little...
-Awkward. -Yeah.
So, he broke up with you or...
I ended it.
Good.
-Good? -I mean, good.
I'm glad you did it, so you're not heartbroken.
Wouldn't want to ruin your Christmas.
Mh.
Surprised you care.
I don't, really.
But with us knowing each other for so long and all...
Yep.
Long time.
Yeah. Long time.
Anyway, I better get back.
See you around.
Yeah, see you.
I like your hair.
Brunette's a good look on you.
Wait.
Was that a compliment from Jake Forester?
No, it's just an observation.
Thanks for the observation.
Merry Christmas.
* Every day is Christmas *
* Every day is Christmas if you want *
* You only got so many minutes in a day *
* So you make the choice to celebrate *
Oh!
* Or run away on a rainy day *
Tank!
* Oh, if you knew how loved you are *
* Every day is Christmas if you want *
What happened to all the reindeer?
I thought there was supposed to be reindeer.
Well, not anymore I guess,
but it's still full of holiday spirit around here.
There is this house decorating contest on Christmas Eve.
The entire town goes bananas for it.
And there are these two women, Trish and Diana.
They're best friends and they team up every year and win.
They're like local legends.
They're perfect for American Life.
Okay, okay, I'm gonna stop you right there.
We are no longer interested in American Life.
But it's literally the name of the website.
That may be but we have a new mandate.
Since when?
Ever since my father retired.
But he told me nothing was gonna change.
I'm afraid it has to.
Daddy nearly drove this company into the ground.
He wouldn't listen to me when I told him that nobody wants to read
about small town fireplace hot cocoa crap anymore.
That "crap" got us through some tough times when I was a kid.
I'm so sorry your childhood was so hard for you,
but I'm running a business.
I need something new, something edgier.
Everybody wants a feel-good story
once in a while.
"Feel-good" doesn't pay the bills.
Look, my father liked you. I like you.
But if you wanna stick around here,
you've got to help me out. I need clickbait.
Clickbait?
The site needs traffic, Kendall.
Beep-beep. Get to work.
We almost bought a Momere in Prague.
It was breathtaking
and the true dichotomy of his past work.
The way he captured
the subversive hermeneutics of desire...
I'm so sorry. Could you two excuse me for just one minute?
I just... Hi.
Sorry.
Hello!
Please pretend you know me.
What?
I'm trying to escape Mr. and Mr. Pretentious.
Three o'clock.
Isn't this your gallery?
Yes.
How do you know they are not buyers?
-They're not. -You can tell that just by looking at someone?
Because they come in every holiday
for the free wine and appetizers.
Merry Christmas.
So, am I buyer?
Huh!
Um...
You are thinking about it. You're traveling.
You don't ever really stay in one place for very long.
Also, you're just not ready to commit to a reindeer.
It's close.
Except I am willing to commit to a reindeer.
National Wildlife Bureau.
I've been waiting for you.
Nick Ames, specializing in the conservation of caribou,
or as you say, reindeer.
Diana Forester, painter of reindeer
and terrible salesperson.
Nice to meet you, Nick Ames.
Nice to meet you, Diana Forester.
See you around.
Yeah.
Who was that?
That's the reindeer guy.
Who?
Nobody.
* Now it's Christmas time *
* And the ground is white *
* Let's gather around and sing a song *
* By the fire light *
-Well, is he cute? -I don't know.
He's just here for the reindeer.
So, no.
So, he is cute.
Diana, you cannot just wallow in this divorce.
You have to get back out there.
I so don't wanna get back out there.
Okay, well. If you don't wanna do it for yourself,
then do it for Jake.
-For Jake? -Yes. As soon as you move on
with your life, he's going to move on
-with his life too. -He's job hunting.
Sweetie, he's floundering.
You cannot let him just do whatever he wants.
You're enabling him.
What?
I just feel like you're always pushing me.
Well, that's our thing.
Maybe this year I'm a little more sensitive.
Okay, but if I don't push you, who will?
Besides, Bob is already remarried.
You can't just let him win.
It's always about winning.
What does that supposed to mean?
I don't know, like cheating on family game night
and then making your daughter lie about it.
She told you that?
Did you really cheat at charades?
You were cheating Mrs. Rivera?
Hi, girls.
Look at those great outfits!
-Got any cookies? -Door deliveries are over.
Was the three-peat really fake?
No, Maddy.
Your parents lost fair and square, okay?
It's Madeline now.
Oh, well, sign me up
for five boxes of Thin Mints, okay?
Sorry, you'll have to wait until cookie season
like everyone else.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
The entire town is gonna know by dinnertime.
That troop is a propaganda machine.
They destroyed Bree Flanigan.
Bree Flanigan was arrested for shoplifting.
And who turned her in? Troop nine.
-How could you do that to me? -I didn't see them.
You didn't see five Girl Scouts popping out of Christmas trees?
-No. -Go tell them we're joking.
No. That's what you always want me to do.
I always defend you.
-What is wrong with you today? -Apparently everything.
My husband left me,
I'm not ready to move on, I'm a bad parent.
I never said you were a bad parent, okay?
I'm being a friend and friends tell each other
things they don't always want to hear.
Okay, well, in the spirit of friendship.
You should know that Skye thinks that you smother her.
Oh! Smother?
I mean, my God, Trish,
let her live her life for five minutes
without you planning everything about it.
Oh, really? Well, you wanna know why Jake's really back home?
Because you want him there, so you don't have to be alone.
When the kids were freshmen,
and you were in Turks and Caicos,
Skye asked me to adopt her.
Why would my daughter want to trade down?
I don't know.
But maybe I did see those Girl Scouts.
Oh, my God!
Oh!
-Did you see that? -Oh, my God.
You wanna see a show, everybody?
Trish's signature Pumpkin Cheesecake recipe...
Is Bobby Flay's!
Oh.
No way.
Oh, my God. Did you hear about Trish Rivera?
She got caught cheating at Christmas charades.
Who does that?
Are you kidding me?
Look, Trish tells everyone she's 44.
Honey, I know for a fact she is 49.
Now this is what I'm talking about.
You can just see the hostility in Diana's paintings.
Look at those antlers.
You know, Trish and Diana's houses
are right across the street from each other,
which means one of them might be on the market soon.
I hope it's Trish. Bigger commish.
So, what did she throw?
I didn't serve it, but my sources tell me
it was an iced holiday latte with double whipped cream.
Messy.
Uh, did something happen?
Oh, Trish and Diana split up. Officially.
Not like that fake fight they had in '09.
-That's awful. -Seriously.
What will we do for entertainment now?
I thought you said they were supposed to be best friends.
Well, one of them, Trish, apparently she cheated
-on game night. -Uh-huh.
And then Diana called her out on it.
So Trish threw a Frappuccino in her face.
-Really? -I know you said you wanted something edgy.
-Yeah! Go on, go on! -So. I'm thinking.
It's this cozy Christmas Town
perfect on the outside but with a kind of...
Dark underbelly?
Well, not quite that bad.
I can see it.
Backstabbing modern mothers
-living in first world anarchy. -Anarchy?
These women will stop at nothing
to destroy each other's reputations.
We'll call it "The Real Housewives of the North Pole."
Are you sure this is what we should be doing?
This is exactly what we should be doing.
Stay on it, get a story.
And Kendall, the nastier, the better.
-Mom! -Skye! Skye! Please help me,
how do I get these pictures of Diana out of here?
I'm gonna need a new iPad because I'm gonna smash this one.
-What's going on? -What's going on?
She betrayed me.
She betrayed our entire family, okay?
So effective immediately,
all contact with the Foresters is forbidden.
Ugh!
-Mom? -Hey.
-Everything okay? -Yeah, everything's fine.
Oh, BTW, we're no longer in speaking terms
-with the Riveras. -Wait, what?
Trish is a façade, just like her house.
-Their house is a palace. -Well, the bank owns it.
They're living off of fumes. Oh, she is gonna regret
she shared all her secrets with me.
-What happened? -It's best if you don't know the deets.
You and Skye were never close
so it shouldn't really affect you.
Trish has been your best friend since we've moved here.
People change, right?
People that you've known for years.
People that you've made memories with.
People that you've been married to.
Are you sure this about Trish?
It's dad.
-I'll call him back. -No, it's okay.
It's okay, take it.
You know what, actually,
invite him to the gallery tomorrow,
he always liked the Christmas show.
Actually, they're in St. Lucia.
Great.
-Blue Grotto? -Yeah.
Yeah.
Please be sure to wish them both a Merry Christmas for me.
I'm not supposed to talk to you.
My mom said the same thing.
-Let's meet. -Uh, no.
-Hanging up now. -Wait, wait!
If our moms break up,
they're gonna be on us even more.
My mom just got divorced, I'm not gonna let her lose her best friend too.
Where?
* It's Christmas *
* It's time for the lights to start shining *
* It's time for snow to start falling down *
* To the sand... *
Impressive and excessive.
That's why he married me.
How much is this gonna cost?
Honey, we cannot skip this year.
I have to show Diana that I can win without her.
I get it, but we have to cut back...
After the holidays, I promise, okay?
And then after you land
that London account, which you will...
Is this fight really about Diana?
Or is it something else? Something related to this?
She has all but accused me of being pushy and controlling.
And maybe I am those things,
but I thought she liked that about me.
I mean, there's bumps in the road
in every relationship.
-Just call her. -No, no.
Look, I'm just gonna cancel the trip.
No, no. Paul, it'll be okay.
And besides it's only one Christmas.
So, we will do an early Christmas Eve dinner
on video chat.
That sounds awful.
But we will make up for it on New Year's.
-Yeah? -Yes, I promise.
Uh-uh.
I'm just gonna put it right there.
Look at that, more Christmas decorations.
Don't worry. It was all on sale,
"99 Cents" is my middle name.
-More like "FedEx Overnight." -Hey.
Hey, don't make fun of your wife's passions.
You're one of them.
Call Diana.
Go to the airport, you're gonna miss your flight.
-Love you. -Love you too.
-Bye. -Bye.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
What if our moms catch us talking about them?
Not gonna happen.
Big public place, Friday night crowd.
We'll blend right in.
Besides, I felt like skating.
I haven't been on the ice in a very long time.
-I'm excited. -You want some help?
Oh, no, I got it.
Thanks.
What time is it?
7:30.
Why?
Well, people might just talk.
Men and women hanging out at 8:00 on a weekend is a date.
That's a rule.
Well, we should wrap this up fast then.
Rules are rules.
I remember the last time you and I were both here.
You were showing off for Kyle Simon and took out
-the entire senior class. -No!
-Yeah, you did. -No, I wasn't showing off.
Oh, okay.
Okay, fine.
Maybe I was.
But I remember you were spinning around
trying to impress Ashley Kay.
Oh, please, no. I never liked Ashley Kay.
You took her to prom in your powder blue tux.
Wait, you remember my prom? And my wardrobe?
I do live across the street, you know.
Okay, so you were watching me?
-No. -Got it.
No, I'm not exactly... It was an accident.
You know, sometimes you just, you just can't look away.
-Okay. -Gotcha.
Thanks.
So, what are we gonna do?
About what?
Our moms?
Right. Yeah, right.
-Isn't that why we're here? -Yeah, um...
Let's just skate around for a while.
I'm sure we'll think in something.
As long as we're done by 8:00 right?
Let's make it 7:59, just...
This will be the third Christmas in a row I've spent alone.
Last year I was in Hot Coffee, Mississippi,
before that, Loveladies, New Jersey,
and Scratch Ankle, Alabama.
Ooh.
To being alone at Christmas.
So, I heard about you and Trish.
Oh.
Are the rumors really bad?
Well, um, see.
She gave you a black eye.
You embezzled.
She cut the brakes on your car and something about arson.
Wow, this town is ruthless.
For the record, I am team Diana.
Thank you.
It's funny, I feel like everybody wants
to make this out to be a Christmas war,
but honestly, it's...
just the end to a very long friendship.
If you want to talk, I'm a good listener.
It's hard because she's always been there for me.
And I don't know if you heard but my husband left last year
and this is my first Christmas without him.
I'm so sorry.
Hey!
Where have you been?
You're not burying a body, are you?
No. Come over here, I want to show you something.
I had an epiphany.
A Supermodel Snow Woman!
Is that my swimsuit?
You're donating it for the greater good, Skye.
Listen, I've held this title for ten years.
I'm not letting someone else take it from me now.
-Oh! -Wait, wait. Skye, Skye.
Maybe you can hang out here with me
and we could do this together. It will be fun.
No. You're on your own.
So good!
-Hey! Hi. -Busted!
Sleeping at 10:30 in the morning?
Cut me some slack. It's winter break.
For me.
For you, it's just another weekday.
We should change our contact names,
just in case one of our moms sees our phones.
Uh, good idea.
I'm gonna make you, 2-Pack.
Like the rapper?
No. Like your abs.
Were you calling for any particular reason?
Yeah, about our moms. I got an idea.
And for those of you with a gluten allergy,
fear not my muffins are made.
Oh, they're delicious.
-It's just amazing! -Oh, my God!
-Good morning. -Hey there, Pooh Bear.
You weren't gonna call me that anymore.
I know, I know. I'm sorry, I forgot.
Hey, do you think I'm a bad parent?
-What? -Nothing.
So, I was thinking
about your gallery party tomorrow night,
and I think you need another tree.
We have a great tree.
-You want to sell paintings, right? -Ideally. Yes.
So, trees create oxygen, more oxygen to the brain
equals a better mood,
equals greater likelihood of selling art.
What's going on?
Nothing, I just thought we'd enjoy
hitting the Christmas tree lot.
A little mother-son bonding time.
You hate shopping.
Yeah, but you know...
When's the last time we did anything together?
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
-Okay, so we'll go later. -Yeah.
So that's yes?
Yeah.
Love to.
Merry Christmas!
I'm telling you, it's hard to find the right Christmas tree.
Every year I torture myself
trying to find the right Christmas tree.
-It's not easy. -Well, I know. I liked that one.
It's just one more tree for the foyer.
-Happy Holidays! -Happy Holidays!
-Wait. Where are we going? -I got a feeling it's over here.
-Hey! Looks who's here! -Hey, guys!
-This is nice. -Merry Christmas!
Look at all of us, chilling in the trees!
Like the good old days, right?
I...
I just...
I know. I feel terrible.
-Do you really? -Really, I do.
And I want you to know that I accept your apology.
I'm sorry. You accept my apology?
I do.
Do you remember what you said to me?
I remember what you said to me.
Hey, remember those family forest trips we used to take?
And Trish's hot chocolates
in mom's hand painted Santa cups.
I remember Trish's scalding chocolate.
I remember her cup because I chipped a veneer.
Oh, look, look, look. A Blue Spruce,
your favorite tree, Trish.
Oh, no, no, no.
Trish's favorite tree is a Douglas fir
because it's big and flashy.
I think bigger is better.
Big like the bill from your nose job?
Big like the boobs on your ex-husband's new wife.
Oh, you...
-My hair! -No, Mom!
-Stop! -Not my hair!
-Stop! -Stop!
Mom!
-My tree! -Oh, no, my tree!
Look at what you did. Look at what you just did.
I cannot believe that we were ever friends.
Me either.
Where's the Christmas spirit?
GOAT!
-What? -Yeah.
Mom, mom, GOAT is actually a complement.
Un-GOAT.
Uh-huh.
And you're so not winning that Golden Reindeer this year.
-Who's gonna stop me? -I am.
You may be good at painting your little reindeer.
But winning a Golden one is out of your league, sweetie.
Do you really think that you can win without me?
Oh, I know I can.
And I will.
-They should pay for my tree. -Yes.
Get out of the away, you stupid trees!
That went well!
Wow! The nerve!
Your mom is pretty extreme, huh?
Yep.
She gets that from my grandparents.
No matter what she did, it was never enough.
That's rough.
I mean...
To another Christmas.
Another Christmas.
Oh, wow.
You're right, that is the best
-spiked hot cocoa in town. -See?
So, how's the job hunt?
Well, I'm still 22,
still living in my childhood bedroom, so.
-You think it's good? -That's not...
Twenty-two is not exactly ancient.
Yeah. I just...
I wanna do something that matters, you know.
Like what?
Well, don't laugh.
There's this program where you can teach English
in different countries all around the world.
I'm not laughing.
It's just, it's something I've always thought about.
Living in a different place, doing something to help people.
Where would you go?
Well, I've narrowed it down to South America,
Asia, Europe and Africa.
Mh! Not Antarctica?
What?
No, I didn't know you'd this easy to talk to.
-Cheers then. -Cheers. To penguins.
-If you eat it over there. -Everything going okay?
-Yeah, is good. -Good.
I'll be right back.
Hi.
-Wow! -Oh, thank you.
You look really nice too.
Thanks. It's a nice turnout.
-Yeah, right? -Yeah.
How are the reindeer?
Well, it looks like an avalanche block their migration route.
-Do you think they're gonna be okay? -I hope so. They're survivors,
but there's not a lot of food in the mountains.
Maybe they'll take another route.
Maybe.
It's not exactly in their nature,
but we are hoping for a Christmas miracle.
Yeah.
I miss them.
I know, I know this sounds stupid,
but they're my inspiration.
It doesn't.
Don't repeat this to anyone,
but my inspiration is the whistling marmot.
Oh...
Yep. Thanks.
I don't have any paintings of those.
Well, I guess I'll just have to get this one.
Now, I thought that you weren't a buyer.
You said that, not me.
I can't think of a better Christmas present,
You think you could hold onto it for me
-for a few days? -No, no problem.
I can give gift wrap it for you, or box it up for whoever...
-It's for me. -Oh.
-Well, I better get going. -Yeah.
-See you in a few days. -Yeah. I'll be here.
It's the second time he's been in the gallery.
Yeah, yeah. He likes the reindeer.
Oh, yeah, and you.
Oh. He's just a nice guy, he's...
Leaving a painting so that he can come back later?
-He's asking you out. -Is...
He's not asking me out. Even if he was, I wouldn't go.
-Why not? -Because I...
I'm your mom. Aren't you supposed to be disgusted
-at the thought of me dating? -Oh, I'm totally grossed out.
But I also want you to be happy.
Well, if you really want me to be happy,
help me take that Golden Reindeer
away from Trish.
No, I'm not doing that.
She's stealing my customers.
This is getting completely out of hand.
You know what? It's fine. I got it. I'm your mom...
-Mom. -No. I'm a single mom.
I can do it by myself, I don't need you
-to do anything for me. -Okay. Okay. Stop, I'll help.
Okay, thank you, Pooh Bear.
Mom!
-Hi. -Hi.
Everything looks amazing.
Oh, you came!
Oh! Hey, listen.
I wanted to invite you
to Christmas dinner with Jake and me.
-Diana, you don't have to do it. -I know,
we'd really love to have you there
and I don't think anybody should be alone at Christmas.
It won't be extravagant,
but I do make a mean vegan turkey.
-I'd love to, thank you. -Okay, because we'd love to have you.
Hey! Hey, don't look over there.
Trish will say that I'm copying.
I'm not looking over there.
She's already got the judges wrapped around her finger.
-Okay, she's really... -Manipulative.
-I know. I know. She is. -Didn't she just donate
all that stuff to the hospital?
Yeah. And you know who's on the board of the hospital?
-The wife of one of the judges. -Sure, that's why.
Okay, fine. Yes, she's generous, okay?
Everybody has one good quality.
This is the section I'm gonna call
"Elves Gone Wild."
Excuse me. What could be more important
-than what's going on here? -Let's see.
Everything?
-Who's that? -Nobody.
Wow!
What?
-Proud of yourself? -Yep.
What's that?
Go big or go home.
We are home.
Bring the elves to the porch!
I don't remember it ever being this crazy at Christmas before.
Maybe you just didn't notice because you always had
a boyfriend during the holidays.
Have you ever been in love?
I don't know. Maybe.
You?
I don't think so.
-Really? -I mean,
I've been in relationships,
but I think there were just a way for me to feel...
not alone.
Is being alone so bad?
Sometimes.
Because when I'm alone,
I have to think about who I really am
and how everyone thinks I'm perfect.
Well, if it's any consolation,
I never thought you were perfect.
You didn't?
You're a little too color coordinated.
You blink weird. You lick stamps funny.
Have you noticed that?
-Should I go on? -No, I'm good.
I didn't realize you noticed so much about me.
If it makes you feel better,
you can say some bad stuff about me.
Okay, well...
Right now I can't actually think of anything.
Let's give it time.
It's 8:05.
It is?
And it's a Saturday night.
So officially we may have left the friend zone.
So what do we do now?
Rules are rules.
Okay, no, our moms will kill us if they find out.
Please, do not bring up our moms right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
-Vincent van Snow. -Wow!
-Wow. -Fabulous!
Let's go.
Did you get the pictures?
Yes, I got them but they're not enough,
-I need more. -More?
Yes, more anger, more fighting, and more carnage.
It's just...
It's just what?
She invited me over for Christmas.
Oh, that's perfect.
Oh, you know how people are during the holidays.
They get tempers flare,
nerves are frayed, jingle all the way.
But she's a divorced mom,
she's going through a hard time.
It feels wrong to keep prying.
So work on the other housewife.
What happened on "99 Cents" being your middle name?
Okay, so I had to add a few more nines.
We can barely afford our house payment.
We will work it out, we always do.
-Will you please call Diana? -No.
Besides, she's already replaced me.
No, come on. Who can replace you?
Apparently, it's not that difficult.
Well, I disagree.
I miss you.
I miss you too.
-Love you. -Love you too.
I thought maybe you could use a little frap action.
Wouldn't that be consorting with the enemy?
I'm just an outsider.
Although, if I was a gambler,
I would be leaning towards team Trish.
It's beautiful.
Thank you.
A lot of memories in here.
And trophies.
In 48 hours I'll have another one.
It must be strange competing against your best friend.
Ex.
You know, she doesn't even care about winning.
She's only invested to take me down.
I've heard some of the tales, you guys were legends.
We were.
I actually remember the day that it started.
They had just moved into the neighborhood
and there was this mom at school, Bree Flanigan,
Miss Perfect.
You know, she was the head of the PTA,
do the best parties,
gourmet snacks at soccer games, you know.
And every year, she won Best Holiday House.
And every year I tried to take her down.
But Diana, she just walked over here one day
and offered to help, you know,
for her it's an art, it's not a competition.
And that Christmas she was here every single day.
And we won.
Or I won.
And after that we were team.
You really miss her.
Yeah, well...
I'll get over it.
This is the one place my mom won't look for me.
I'm pretty sure no place is safe from Trish.
We're like the Montagues and the Capulets.
Didn't Romeo and Juliet end up dead?
-We should stop talking. Here! -Yeah, we should.
I'm terrible at this.
No, you're not.
I don't even know what we're painting,
but I'll take a guess that it's a reindeer.
Whistling marmot.
You know, seeing as I don't know how long I'm gonna be here,
and being that this is the most amount of human contact
I've had in a while. Can I take you out to dinner?
I, I...
I'm sorry, that is so sweet.
-But? -I...
I don't think I'm ready yet to have dinner with a person...
I mean, a man besides my son.
Did I tell you that I have a kid?
I mean, well, he's not a kid,
he's a grown up, but he's back at home,
is nice to have him here.
Not that I need to have a guy in my house
-or I'm like... -Pretty recent divorce.
Yeah.
Yeah, we've been separated for a year
but we just finalized our divorce.
Mine it's been five years.
It gets easier.
Well, pencil me in five years from now.
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, I'm here for the reindeer,
-so I'd better get back to it. -Yeah.
It's... You did good, did well.
Right.
Nice seeing you again, Diana.
It's really nice to see you, Nick.
You still have your dolls?
They're not dolls. They're actually
limited edition action figures and they're only there
because I'm selling them online.
I find that hard to believe.
Okay, maybe I'm not selling them but I could.
They are collector's items.
You still have your My Little Pony?
Absolutely not.
-Spice Girls? -No.
Jonas Brothers autographed poster?
Okay, maybe.
But it's in a box at least.
-That makes it better. -Pooh Bear! Are you home?
I forgot my phone charger.
-Pooh Bear? -No.
Sweetie?
-Yeah, just taking a nap. -Hey, do you have any laundry?
I figured I may as well do a load while I'm here.
No, we're good. I'm good!
Really? Even those dirty socks
and underwear festering in the corner?
No, no, I'll just burn those.
No, I want him higher than that!
No, no, no! Now it looks lopsided!
Can you just put him a lot higher?
Way higher than that!
Okay, I can do Downward Donner,
Plank Prancer, Reclining Rudolph.
I feel like I'm missing something, Skye, help me.
-Where do you want this elf? -No, no, no.
That goes on "Elves Gone Wild" section over there.
You should've said that earlier.
Something over here is missing. What is it?
It's something else.
Jake!
Oh, honey I realized what it was I needed to do.
Look at this.
I call it, "Long may they rain-deer."
It's good, right?
I can live with that.
Fred! Fred! There are no more wire reindeer on aisle 10.
I just sold the last one to Mrs. Logan
like two minutes ago.
Mrs. Logan.
Okay.
Mrs. Logan! Excuse me.
Mrs. Logan!
-Hi, excuse me. -Oh, Trish,
your house is looking great.
Oh, thank you so much.
It's just I really need that reindeer.
Oh, I'm sorry. This is for my granddaughter.
I'm sure you could find her something else.
No, I can't. This is what she wants.
She's seven. She'll get over.
She's making a diorama.
I'll give you 50 bucks.
No!
It's a $30 profit!
It's not for sale!
-How about a hundred? -No!
-I told you it's not for sale! -Two hundred?
-No! It's my reindeer! -Mrs. Logan!
Where is your holiday spirit?
Calm down, ladies!
Yes!
No!
You killed my reindeer.
Oh...
I'm sorry, Mrs. Logan.
I'm so sorry.
I don't what came over me.
We all get caught up in the holiday spirit, dear.
On the other hand, I hope Diana takes you down.
She's lost all the holiday spirit.
Are you okay, Mrs. Logan?
Do you need anything, Mrs. Logan?
What's the problem?
Where's the holiday spirit?
It's okay, it's okay.
Okay, okay. I can work with this.
So good.
Good.
Oh! Good.
Good.
Very good!
* ...For Christmas and a Happy New Year *
* We wish you a Merry Christmas *
* And a Happy New Year *
I need a Blitzen.
No, you need a tranquilizer.
We are running out of time. Okay? Chop-chop.
Look at this.
Is that my stag?
-What? -Hold this.
Do not come one step further!
Give me the hammer.
-That's my stag. -You gave it to me.
Nope. I lent it to you. You never brought it back.
Fine.
I want to make something very clear to you.
Skye does not love you more than she loves me.
What are you talking about?
Diana said that?
And worse.
Mom, that's crazy.
You know I love you.
More than her?
How can you ask me that?
Because we never talk anymore.
Because it's always so intense.
I don't want to be thinking about the future all the time.
But you're always pushing it and pushing it.
Look, I know you can't help it, but it's too much.
Honey.
Yeah?
Could I have the hammer?
Sorry.
I just...
I just need the hammer.
Yeah.
Blitzen.
-Hey. -Thanks for meeting me.
-What are you doing? -I need a Blitzen.
I need it for the judging tonight.
Blitzen?
Skye, aren't you a little worried
that you're turning in your mother?
What's wrong with that?
Well, for one thing she's completely out of control.
What about your mom?
You love my mom.
Not more than mine.
Wait, what?
-Did I miss something? -Look,
this thing with us, it isn't gonna work.
Wow!
You're ending this because of them.
It started because of them.
Not for me.
Jake.
You're really bailing because of our moms?
Or because you're scared you might be feeling something?
It's just...
The last thing I need right now is another relationship.
We hated each other before. No reason we can't go back to that.
Can we still be friends?
I don't know. Maybe we never were.
Tank, I'm a horrible person.
All right, Tank. It's time for the competition.
Come along.
There are many more houses to judge.
That's nice.
Yeah, they went through a lot of trouble.
We can get a good shot right here...
Let's go.
Yes, it looks like a tranquil town
full of holiday cheer, but scratch the surface,
you'll find a nest full of Christmas vipers...
Xander, what are we doing here? Didn't you get my message?
Yes, I got it. Okay, pan over there. Get that stuff.
Listen, you work for American Life,
which means I own the story and it's gonna be big.
You should watch, we start streaming Christmas Eve.
-You can't do this. -Watch me.
Pan over there. Get some white chalk,
we're coming up to Diana's house.
That's so cool.
Hi, everybody.
-Hi. -Hi.
Oh, Kendall, you brought the whole crew.
-That is so fantastic. -No, Diana...
Listen, everything you see here on my lawn is biodegradable.
Nothing you see will hurt the environment.
Yoo-hoo! There's no need to film second place over there.
Come on, come on over here.
Hi!
Hi! It's good to see you.
I have Rice Krispie treats, fresh gingerbread cookies
and white hot chocolate to wash it all down.
Why?
Because there's always room for dessert!
Wow!
What's the big deal if she wins?
She won't.
* Hark! The herald angels sing *
* Glory to the new-born king *
* Peace on earth and mercy mild *
She went low, I went lower.
* Joyful, all ye nations rise *
* Join the triumph of the skies *
* With the angelic host proclaim *
Mom!
Oh...
Okay.
-Did you just step me? -Are you kidding me?
-No. Oh! -Troop Nine?
You might as well called trained assassins.
You bribed the judges.
-You yellowed my snow. -Oh, come on.
That was Mrs. Logan's dogs because I couldn't...
Oh!
Santa!
Oh!
No!
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, God!
Oh!
Snowball fight!
Housewives Brawl! Shoot, shoot!
* We wish you a Merry Christmas *
* And a Happy New Year *
* We wish you a Merry Christmas *
Stop it!
* We wish you a Merry Christmas *
* And a Happy New Year *
We are in North Pole, Vermont,
watching an all-out Christmas War,
where two backstabbing former friends
tried to destroy each other.
-Turn it off! -Right before the...
Turn it off.
-Kendall, get out of the way. -No.
Oh, my God!
What do you mean "no"?
This is a hatchet job.
She played us.
-What kind of story is this, Kendall? -I'm so sorry.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Not at first.
I invited you into my home.
I invited you over for Christmas dinner.
Christmas dinner?
That's our thing.
Everyone, American Life online,
The Real Housewives of the North Pole.
Tune in, we start streaming on Christmas Eve.
You are not American Life.
You're a low life.
A sleazeball, immoral, pathetic Scrooge-bag.
Oh, no, don't break that or I'll sue you.
You would also have to break cameras B and C as well.
Fine. I quit.
You already quit.
You...
You ruined Christmas.
You ruined everything.
Well, I guess you don't have to worry about that anymore,
because I'm done with this place.
I'm selling our house.
And I forfeit.
You're kidding!
Why would she do that?
Looks like we have a new winner.
The Golden Reindeer Award goes to Diana Forester!
No, no, no, I forfeit too.
I forfeit too. I forfeit too.
What is she doing?
Please tell me you got that.
How's London, dad?
Very English. Hey, guess what?
-I got the account. -Oh, I knew you would.
Yeah. Congratulations, dad.
-That's great. -Thanks, thanks, honey.
We miss you.
I miss you too.
If you guys don't mind, I'm gonna go to my room.
But it's Christmas Eve.
It doesn't really feel like it.
-Merry Christmas, dad. -Merry Christmas, baby.
I'll be right back. Skye, wait.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm always on your case. I just...
I just want what's best for you.
I know.
But I'm not you, mom.
I don't want what you want, I want something else.
Well, you were right.
About what?
Everything.
Turn down the account.
What?
I don't care about moving.
I don't care about this house anymore,
or that stupid competition,
which I've forfeited by the way.
I've been spending all this time
creating this perfect image,
so that nobody would see what a mess I am.
Well, I don't care what anyone thinks anymore.
I only care about you and Skye.
And next time, I'm going on the trip with you.
I feel like a change of scenery will do us good.
Now there's the Trish I fell in love with.
I love you, honey.
I love you too.
Hey. I'm going to give you
your Christmas present right now.
I thought we were doing handmade gifts.
We are. I signed it.
Mom this is too much.
No, no, no, I had a great season.
I don't need you to worry about me
because I'm going to be just fine
and I want you to take that money
and go somewhere you wanna go,
do something that you want to do, okay?
You're going to figure it out.
I did.
-Thank you. -I love you, you're welcome, sweetie.
* Stockings hanging from the chimney *
* Lights are shining on the tree *
* Mistletoe with leaves of holly *
* They're a beautiful sightseeing *
* But each year I always dream of *
* Just one thing that comes above *
* Looking out the window each night *
* Hoping that it just might *
* Snow for Christmas *
* Cover all the world in white *
* Snow for Christmas *
* Making an enchanting sight *
* Oh, what I would give? *
* To see that wonderland again *
* Snow for Christmas *
* Cover all the world in white *
* Snow for Christmas *
* Making an enchanting sight *
* Ooh! *
* Oh, please *
* Snow for Christmas *
-Troop Nine? -Oh!
You might as well called trained assassins.
You bribed the judges.
-You yellowed my snow. -Oh, come on.
That was Mrs. Logan's dogs because I couldn't...
Wait.
Santa!
Thank you, Santa!
Snowball fight!
-Troop Nine? -Oh, come on.
That was Mrs. Logan's dogs because I couldn't...
wait.
Santa! Thank you, Santa!
Snowball fight!
I forfeit!
...as well called trained assassins.
You bribed the judges.
-You yellowed my snow. -Oh, come on.
That was Mrs. Logan's dogs because I couldn't...
Please!
Santa! Thank you, Santa!
Snowball fight!
What are you doing here?
And why are you dressed like that?
All my clothes are in the laundry
and I wanted to talk to you tonight.
Are you legit crazy?
Maybe. And maybe I'm also jobless and living at home,
but I'm also hopelessly in love with you.
Jake.
I'm sorry about what I said before.
I'm sorry, too.
You were right.
I was scared, I still am.
Me too.
But I think I'm more scared of losing you, and...
And also falling.
Yeah, I don't want this to end like Romeo and Juliet.
Me neither.
So what do we do?
Get in here.
I was hoping you'd say that.
Okay.
-Are you okay? -Yeah, I got it, I got it.
-Come on. -Wait.
Hush! Hush!
She's gonna listen to us.
-She's gonna hear us. -Come on. Let's go.
-Let's go, let's go. -Really?
-Oh! -Go! Go!
Merry Christmas!
Looks like someone made the naughty list.
How long has this been going on?
Well, there's 12 Days of Christmas.
You've been lying to us this entire time.
Lying, ice skating, drinking your wine.
We're in a relationship...
I think.
-Yeah. -So the both of you
were just gonna have to get used to it.
And while we're on the subject of getting used to things,
I'm not going to grad school next year.
I'm taking a gap year.
And I'm gonna take a year, no gap.
Yeah, we're gonna teach English to kids in Africa.
Or South America. We haven't really decided.
Really, I know. We haven't really talked about it.
-We will. -I know.
Well, let's us know.
I think...
This is...
I think that...
Sounds amazing.
Really?
I thought you might be upset.
All we've ever wanted is for the two of you
to get together.
We could be in laws.
-We could be co-grandparents! -Yes!
-Okay! Okay! -Let's not jump the gun here, please.
Slow it down.
Are you really gonna move?
I don't know.
I'm so sorry, Trish. I...
I behaved like a crazy person.
And I'm so sorry that I threw the frap in your face.
It was kind of refreshing. You know? It was nice.
I only said those terrible things
because I'm jealous of how you and Skye are together.
Because she's not mine.
I mean ask Jake.
It is not easy being my son.
You don't have to...
You were right.
I have been leaning on him way too much this year
and then I took it out on you.
Hey, what are friends for?
Merry Christmas.
Oh, Kendall.
You're wasting your time here.
There is nothing here to shoot.
I'm not here for that.
Actually I quit.
But I do have something for both of you.
Oh.
Oh, thank you, Kendall.
The thing is, I lost sight
of why I became a writer in the first place.
To bring a little happiness to people.
I'm so sorry for everything.
But you'll be happy to know that people were too busy
celebrating Christmas
to watch the piece of trash website.
-I watched it. -I saw the whole thing.
-Everything. -Every frame.
I'm so embarrassed of how I acted.
Okay, well, I guess I better get going.
You can't just leave.
-What? -No, it's Christmas.
Yeah, I mean...
And the spirit of Christmas is all about...
Forgiveness.
-I'm so sorry. I missed you. -I missed you too.
I'm so sorry.
Why don't I have my camera now?
Mom.
They came back.
They're back!
They did make it this year.
Jake.
It's a Christmas miracle.
You see there? It's just magical!
Hey, look who it is.
He brought the reindeer back.
Okay, if that's not a sign, I don't know what is.
Okay, all right.
You found them.
Well, they found us.
Listen, everything I said before,
I was just scared.
I haven't been single in a really long time,
everything is different,
and I wouldn't even know what to say on a first date.
If you don't know what to say, start with "Merry Christmas."
I can do that.
And then maybe we can try "Happy New Year."
Will you still be here in New Year's?
Well, I thought that once I found the reindeer
I'd want to leave, but I...
I don't.
That is great because Groundhog's Day
around here is pretty epic.
Don't say.
It's like a happy little family again.
Duty calls.
Yeah.
-See you. -Yeah.
There's so many of them.
Did you see that?
What?
That reindeer had a red nose.
-Come on. -Shut up and kiss me.
No, I'm not kidding, it...
Have to have my photo. You know I do, I do.
Okay, get in your positions, in front of the tree.
Are you sure you don't wanna be on it?
Maybe next year.
Yeah. Maybe next year.
-Yes. -Yeah.
All right.
Okay. Get together.
Say, "Cheese."
We have a different tradition.
Ready?
Pumpkin Cheesecake!
* I want it to be Christmas *
* I swear it should be Christmas *
* I wish it could be Christmas every day *
* I hear the sleigh bells ringing *
* I feel the magic in the air *
* I see the snowflakes falling on everything *
* I know the Christmas is here *
* Now all the presents are stacked under the tree *
* And all the lights are home... *
* And everybody is going out caroling *
* 'Cause it's that time... *