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A NOT SO MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dad!
Daddy! Can I change my letter to Santa Claus?
No, you can't. I sent it yesterday.
Please, Dad.
-No. -I want to change mine too.
Kids, I hope you wished your dad a happy birthday.
Happy birthday, Dad!
Happy birthday to you…
Why do I hate Christmas?
Because it's also my birthday.
And instead of celebrating me,
I get this.
-Brother. -Hi, Roberta.
-Can you pick up our parents? -No car?
-Not right now. -Sure, I'll get them.
-Hi! -Are you coming with your boyfriend, Ale?
Yes, with Esteban.
-Sit him far from Uncle Miguel. -Okay.
Yes, I'll take care of it. Thanks, Nuria.
-How old you turning? -Forty-one.
Don't forget I'm doing keto. I really need…
-Don't worry. -Get broccoli for me.
-I'll get you broccoli. -Thanks, bye.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BIRTHDAY BOY!
What's up, bro?
Another trip around the sun. What do you want?
-Besides what I owe you. -What do I want for my birthday, Rubén?
I want your car off the plot of land.
Relax, I'm working on it.
When your birthday's on Christmas,
people forget about you or you just get one present.
Not two.
If you say anything, they call you self-centered.
DECEMBER 24
Daddy, can you help me?
What's up?
My hand hurts from karate. Help me bandage it.
Now that your dad is here, tell him. So that you see I'm not overreacting.
What happened?
On the last day of school I found some headphones,
and there was no name on them.
So I took them, and now Mom is scolding me.
-Did you erase the name on them? -There was no name.
Regardless of whether they had a name or not,
take them to the principal and apologize.
In real life, when you lose something, nobody returns it to you.
And they definitely don't apologize. That's life.
Exactly, that's life.
Besides, I've always said,
"Better you than me."
No, that's an awful saying.
-Don't listen to him. -Why?
When you go back after the holidays,
take back the headphones and apologize.
Discussion over.
Okay, Mom.
And you, Mr. Sayings, don't you have something to do?
Like what?
Oh, yeah.
-Thanks. It was delicious. -I'm coming. I want to talk to you.
Get in line.
What did you say?
Nothing. Don't you think you overreacted in there?
Really? It's fine that they take other people's things?
No, and I don't want to fight about it, either. Peace?
I don't know, you tell me.
Well, yeah. It's a silent night, holy night. No?
Sure.
-What do you need? -Christmas leftovers with my parents.
-No, thanks. -Not a surprise.
Did you buy the gifts?
Of course… not.
I need to take out some money and then I'll get them and…
Nuria wants broccoli.
I already made her food. So, you'll pick up your parents?
Roberta says she doesn't have a car.
I think she's too lazy to go get them.
-It's not the end of the world. -Really?
You can battle the traffic, then.
They're not my parents, they're yours.
And it's Christmas and my birthday.
Everyone forgets that.
For your birthday, you get to go pick up your parents
and a kiss.
Bunny, that's a US fad.
Do you want a kiss or not?
I'm going.
Bye.
-Asshole! -Goodbye!
-You pass on the right. -What's with you?
Spare something for Christmas?
-I almost hit you. Be careful. -Come on.
I don't have any money.
I need to put lights on my roof so that Santa knows where I live.
Here. It's flat but it'll do the trick.
Take care. Merry Christmas!
Thank you for your purchase, little girl.
Let's go.
-Good morning. -Hello.
Sorry, traffic is horrible. You know, fucking Christmas.
Don't say "fucking Christmas." It sounds terrible.
Fucking Christmas.
I brought you a coffee, Grinch.
Thanks.
It's cold, Conrado.
Have you seen the windows?
Come here.
Look.
They're all dirty, Conrado.
Take a look. You have to clean them.
I can't clean the windows. My back hurts. I need surgery.
When?
I mean, I'm going to need surgery if I keep cleaning the windows.
-Nice try. -It really does hurt.
-We need to hire someone to do it. -No, Conrado.
What did we agree to?
We need to sell more and spend less.
What do you think will happen if we hire a cleaner?
The windows will be clean.
No! We'll spend more.
Speaking of expenses, I need money.
No, speaking of expenses,
I wanted to talk to you about this relic.
-I need a Mac. -Yeah.
I can't work, I don't know how to use a PC.
It's not good for designing. I'm not sure if it's Windows…
Maybe it's me? I'm just stupid.
-I can't… -Enough, Conrado. Calm down.
Take a breath.
That's it.
Don't worry. If we sell Lorena Ochoa's driver,
I'll buy a new computer.
-We'll never sell that. -Have some faith.
-Hold on, come here. -What?
-What's this? -Happy birthday.
Is that for me?
Of course!
You shouldn't have, Conrado.
It measures your steps, your calories…
It even prevents heart attacks.
-Like Dick Tracy, remember? -Does it tell time?
Yes, of course.
What?
-No. -Birthday hug?
-No. -Come here.
-No. -Yes.
-No. -Chuy.
Okay, enough. Let go of me, Conrado.
Enough.
All right, see you later.
I have to buy presents for my kids and family.
-You know, fucking Christmas. -Merry Christmas.
The windows, Conrado!
TOYS
I'll get a teddy bear.
"Housewife."
On sale. Let's go!
This is what Óscar wants?
That's weird.
This is for me.
SOLD OUT
He'll love this.
Come here, sweetie.
What's up?
I think I finished my vision board.
Your vision what?
My vision board.
It's nice.
I want to focus on having a wonderful family.
Everything else will fall into place.
What?
We do have a wonderful family.
Yes, we do.
But I wonder if we're doing everything right.
Yes, dear. We're doing great.
Come.
-What? -Then, comes this.
What is it?
The salon.
The dog salon?
Yeah.
My dear,
I don't think you can be a housewife and a businesswoman.
It gets complicated.
That's the most sexist thing you've ever said to me.
You see me as a mom. Why can't I be a mom and a businesswoman?
Don't get me wrong.
I would support you, but we don't have the money right now.
I'm not asking you for money.
There are angel investors.
You show them a business model,
they believe in you, invest and you move it forward.
That's one option. There's also the land.
If we sell it, we'd have some money and I could support you then.
-Hello. Yes, I'm on my way. -Where are you, son?
Bye. Yes, Mom. I'm going down the stairs right now.
Turn signals aren't just for decoration! You animal!
Calm down, Mom. I'll cause an accident.
You're a savage.
I can't stand Nuria. She's so rude.
-You raised her. -Come on.
-And where were you? -I was bringing home the bacon.
Sorry to interrupt, but aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday?
-Yes! Happy birthday! -Happy birthday, son.
-Are you blind, idiot?! -Dad.
-Stupid! -You pulled my seatbelt.
You almost strangled me, Dad!
Calm down, son!
I don't care that it's Christmas.
-Sisters! -Merry Christmas, Chuy.
-What a great night. -Hello. How are you?
We were just waiting for you.
-Great. -When are you going to Tulum?
Tomorrow. Can you believe it?
-No. -Aren't you going to visit me?
-No way. I don't want to get dengue. -Idiot.
-That's not true. -Hey, Nuria.
-What's up? -What've you been doing? You look divine.
-Come on, don't even start. -What?
-You look gorgeous. -I know.
-Come in. -Happy birthday, brother.
-Thanks. -That's right! Happy birthday!
"That's right."
-Auntie! Uncle! -Merry Christmas!
Yes, Auntie.
Take good care of my Tupperware.
You lose one every year.
Sure, don't worry.
What, Jesús?
Happy birthday, my dear!
-Thank you. -My dear.
Thanks for remembering it all on your own.
-My boy! -Uncle.
I want a big rum and Coke.
-This big. -This big.
Come in.
-Hey! -Sister, come in.
And…?
-Chuy. -What?
I told you this morning. Esteban.
Hey, champ. Can I park there?
No, that's not a good spot.
Thanks, bro. You're the man.
-Hold on. -What?
Who's that guy?
Ban. Esteban.
That idiot Ramiro cheated on me.
Ramiro who?
What?
I was with him for eight years!
Right, that Ramiro.
-That Ramiro. -Yes.
-What's up, bro? -Damn.
-Happy birthday. -Thanks, come in.
Yeah, thanks so much. Come in.
Merry Christmas.
Four fingers.
I'm going to give him less. He gets inappropriate.
That's enough.
Too much blah-blah and not enough glug-glug.
Don't go too crazy, Uncle.
No, this is it.
I gave up drinking…
What?
-That's great. -…but it didn't give me up!
Cheers.
Help me get some chairs, Uncle.
No way, man. I don't think so.
Every year you put me to work.
This year I'm here as a guest.
Fine. Help me, brother.
Come on. Don't make faces.
Go on.
Over here. Take this.
Dude, if your shoes are dirty, take them off before entering the house.
-Sorry, I'll take them off now. -I can't believe it.
Tell me, how's college going?
Good.
And your new apartment?
Good, it's cool. It's chill.
I bet the power's been cut off already.
Yeah.
Once.
It's hard living alone.
But you're an adult now.
You can't live with our parents anymore. Or on the land, either.
Of course not.
No.
-I was going to tell you… -What?
I need to buy some extra books for school.
I'm short a few pesos. I was hoping you could help out.
Yeah, right.
Seriously, how'd your shoes get so dirty?
-I think I stepped in poop. -What?
Take them off!
Bro!
Come on, sweetie.
No!
-Who's next? Come on, Uncle. -Me!
-But I need my medicine. -Leave the drink, Uncle.
I'm going.
-Let's see. -Gently.
I'm taking this one.
You're good at stealing.
-My turn. Here I go. -Go, dear.
Double four!
A steal!
I don't have anything.
Let's see!
I want the envelope.
Yes, sister.
-Why? -'Cause there's money in here. Right, Dad?
Does everyone have a gift? Let's open them.
Mom, Sandy doesn't have anything.
You don't have a present?
Your godfather has some, he'll give you one.
What? No. Sandy needs to learn how to play.
-Hey! -Chuy.
I'm just joking. Come here and pick, Sandy.
Actually, I'll choose.
I'll give you this little box.
-Okay. -Oh, Chuy.
Thanks.
Because my little envelope has money.
Look, sister, it's amazing.
It is very cool!
What a great gift! It's a mini fridge.
-Come on, son. Open your gift. -What, Mom?
-Open it! -Open it!
I'll open it, but I'm not sharing.
-Share it. -Open it, dear.
-What is it? -What is it?
-Mom! -What is it?
Merry Christmas, honey. Really.
I love that picture.
Give your mom a kiss and a hug. Come on. Don't be like that.
-Come here, Mom. -My son.
-I'm glad you liked it. -Thanks, Mom.
Should we go to the dining room?
Time to eat.
-Yeah. -Take that hat off at the table.
Let's toast.
No, we're going to pray.
No, Dad.
Let's pray.
Blessed be the Lord, to provide us with nourishment.
Like my wife's turkey,
that you bring from the country to the city.
Shut up!
You give us everything we need,
like minerals and vitamins.
And you give us strength,
zest,
energy,
all the strength
to live in this world and be able to be all together.
-The turkey! -The turkey!
-What turkey? Amen! -Yeah, amen!
The cheese!
-It looks great. -Make room for the cheese.
Who looks great? Nuria?
-Divine. -Thanks, Chuy.
What diet was it you're doing?
I told you it's called keto.
Keto, chubster?
Never call me "chubster" again, old grump.
-What's wrong with that? -Son!
Don't talk to your sister like that.
Everyone is so sensitive.
Pass the salad.
Why are you going to Tulum, Roberta?
To make money. How's that?
That's it.
-Thanks, Mom. -That's the right attitude.
Thanks, Uncle. Can you pass…
Ale.
How long have you been together?
That doesn't matter. What matters is how long we'll last.
That's right. Cheers to love!
-Cheers! -Cheers!
Silvia! Your cheese sauce keeps getting better every year.
-Thank you. -Don't lie. You haven't even tried it.
Enough.
Stop being hypocrites. Who likes the cheese sauce?
-I do! -Me!
You don't like it?
No, not since we were little.
I don't believe that.
Look, Esteban is making faces.
Do you like the cheese sauce?
He loves it. Esteban loves it.
Delicious.
A people-pleaser.
"Delicious"? Come on. Sure, Chuy is crazy.
I'm not going to change my recipe at this point.
Besides, this year is my last year.
-Mom! -Silvia, no.
Please!
You always say it's your last year and it never is.
Get me another drink. You know how I like it. Four fingers.
-Maybe 20? -Enough, Uncle.
Get some help.
I told you to take off your dirty shoes.
-I will. -Did you get your car off the land?
-Can you pass the potatoes? -Dad.
-What do you want? -What do you mean?
-Drop it. -Do you know something I don't?
Do you want cod?
Why are you all acting like this?
No.
You know something, Uncle. You're laughing.
-What? -Look, man.
Don't get mad.
-I'm living on the land. -What?
You're camping on our parents' plot?
What do you mean…?
So you're camping on the land.
-Pass me… -Dad.
-What? -What do you mean "what"?
What do you want me to do? He's unemployed!
When has this lazy bum had a job?
What do you want me to do? Have him live with us?
What about our intimacy?
There are guests present.
Now you'll never get rid of him.
Bro, it's Christmas.
Exactly, it's Christmas.
Know why I hate Christmas?
Because for me, Christmas is for the mooches,
for the parasites, the handouts, and for who else?
For all of you.
Chuy, go. Chuy, bring. Chuy, buy.
Of course, "We already gave him his birthday cake."
-You know what? Christmas Eve is over. -Wow.
My birthday is over.
Chuy is over.
-No, son. -Chuy.
Happy birthday…
Not happy.
That's embarrassing.
Pass me the prawns.
-He's been having a rough few weeks. -Don't worry.
You are a saint. How brutal.
-Merry Christmas. -Bye.
-Goodbye. -See you.
-Pleasure. -Likewise.
-Bye, Dani. Get some rest. -Thanks.
They're not that weird, Sofi.
Who is Sofi?
No, Esteban! Don't grab my hand! Who is Sofi?
Good evening.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas? No.
-Double tequila, please. -Sure.
I want Dad to come home.
Your dad went to talk to Santa.
I wanted him to be here.
Me too.
All good, Jesús?
How do you know my name?
I know a lot of things about you.
Such as, today is your birthday.
Hold on. How do you know that?
-Let's say… -No "let's say."
How do you know?
You know that song about Santa
where he makes a list of who is naughty and nice?
Yeah.
They send me to deal with the super naughty ones.
Okay, now I get it.
-You're part of a religious sect. -No, I'm not part of a religious sect.
I'm your diva godmother.
There's no such thing.
They're fairy godmothers.
Of course we exist.
By the way, thanks for the flat soda you gave me.
You're thinking of someone else.
Didn't you give me a flat soda this morning?
-I gave some beggar a donation. -You call that "a donation"?
I had nothing else.
If that's all you have to give,
it's not a lot, right?
What do you want?
I want you to stop suffering.
I knew you were part of the church.
No, I'm not, but I want you to stop suffering.
I'm not suffering.
-Really? -No.
Why aren't you celebrating Christmas with your family?
I hate Christmas. So what?
Christmas has a way of making us see things.
No, wait. You don't understand how hard--
What you don't understand is what's behind Christmas.
What do you want me to learn?
To be vegan?
To cook with cheese sauce?
You have to learn that the world keeps spinning
despite your problems, your opinions, and your birthday, Chuy.
If you don't think you're lost,
I'll make you relive Christmas until you learn.
All right, sure. I'm really lost.
Give me more tequila.
You have to see the magic, Chuy.
All right, show me your magic.
Live and relive a white Christmas,
by sea and sand,
in the sky and the stars,
may they all fill you with light.
If you don't succeed,
you must do it over and over again.
Abracadabra! Poof!
Give me a break.
Dad?
I want to change my letter to Santa.
No, son. You get what you get.
He hasn't brought me anything yet, so we can still change it.
What do you mean?
Not since last year.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you…
Why the cake?
I want to apologize for my awful behavior yesterday.
Yesterday?
I don't recall you fighting.
He fought with the waiter yesterday.
-With the waiter? -Yes.
My brother is calling.
-Let me see what he wants. -Chuy.
Good morning!
-What's up, bro? Why are you calling? -Because it's your birthday.
-What? No, yesterday was my birthday! -Do you want an agenda?
Hold on. I'm getting another call.
Birthday boy.
-What do you want, Bobby? -Can you pick up Mom and Dad?
No!
-I picked up our parents yesterday. -What are you talking about?
-What? -I need to--
No.
This is impossible.
This can't be happening.
No.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BIRTHDAY BOY!
THE NEXT YEAR…
-It looks nice here. -Dad! Look at my vision board!
Come here, Bunny.
What's wrong?
I don't believe what's happening to me.
What's wrong?
-Bunny, come. -What?
That's so cool.
I think I'm under a spell.
-Like voodoo? -What?
-Shall we do a cleanse? Are you okay? -Don't joke around, please.
Yesterday a bartender dressed like a fairy godmother did something to me.
Like a spell.
-What? -Yeah.
I'm reliving what happened yesterday. Do you get it?
No, you're not making much sense.
Yesterday was Christmas Eve and today is Christmas Eve.
And it's always your birthday. Please don't play the martyr this year.
I'm not playing the martyr. I'm being serious.
I have a few pending issues with you.
My parents invited you for leftovers. Even if you never go, you're invited.
See! No leftovers!
-Your dad hates me. -Dad!
-You know… -My parents never…
-What? Not right now. -Dad!
Please, help me.
No. I already have two kids. I don't want a third.
As for your birthday, go to therapy.
Exactly! Yesterday was my birthday. Today is my birthday.
And she… he…
A fairy godfather cast a spell on me.
-Dad? -What?
-Look. -Yeah, so cool.
-Very cool. -Chuy.
Fine. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
It's spectacular. It's incredible.
So many colors. It's incredible.
There. What?
Fine. I don't feel good.
I'm sorry, kid.
I'm sorry, Bunny.
I'm going to the pharmacy and I'll see you later.
Yes, go do that. Don't forget the presents.
Look.
I love it.
STAND-UP DIVA GODMOTHER
You!
No, come here! I was looking for you.
I know, dear. Everyone is looking for me.
What did you do to me? Undo this!
Chuy, only you can help yourself.
Undo your spell.
Take it down a notch!
All you have to do is enjoy Christmas.
And lose the long face you always have.
-What face? -That one.
-Which one? -That one.
Relax your jaw. I want you to smile.
Enjoy.
Try another one. No.
Another one.
No, still long face.
-No. -Now?
-You're not convincing me. -Enough!
So losing the long face will fix it?
Yes, just like that.
Well, and a few small things you have to do after dinner.
-You're kidding, right? -Not at all.
Look, Chuy.
You have to follow this
to the letter… letter… letter…
Why are you talking like that?
Fine. Follow this to the letter. That's all.
And it's done?
-That's it. -Are you sure?
I'm completely sure that will remove it.
Go on, Chuy. Take care.
What's up?
Aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday?
Happy birthday, man.
No present?
I gave you a watch last year that you never wore.
Are you okay?
I'm living in a nightmare.
Drink some Coke.
Some Coke, sure.
What do have I to do now?
For now just get rid of the long face.
And we'll see after dinner.
Okay.
And don't forget to get your parents.
Choose a lane, you nut!
-Mom, he was fine. -No, he wasn't.
He was cutting you off.
You're a savage. Leave him alone.
You've had five accidents.
You've had six, Néstor.
I can't stand Roberta.
-She's so rude. -You raised her.
Really? And where were you?
I was bringing home the bacon.
Come on, Mom. This year it's Roberta. Last year it was Nuria.
That's not true.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
Don't spread lies about me.
Since I can't keep a happy face with you,
someone else will pick you up next time.
Not me anymore.
Watch where you're going, man!
Dad!
-Auntie! Uncle! Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas!
I didn't bring any Tupperware this time because you always lose them.
Okay, sure.
Miguel.
-Happy birthday. -Thanks, Uncle. You remembered.
-Happy birthday, my boy. -Thanks, Auntie.
-Hey! -Ale and…
This is Pablito.
-Pablito? -Hello.
Pablito is a pet name.
Sure. Thanks. How nice, Pablito.
Come in.
-Hold on. -What?
-Who's that? -Pablo.
You bring a different guy every Christmas.
And you always have the same long face.
What?
Happy birthday!
Son of a…
Jerk.
-How are you? -Good, come in.
-Happy birthday, brother. -Come in. Yeah.
-Come in. -Need help?
No, I'm fine. The cold helps.
-Do you have a lighter? -You're going to stink up the house.
Since I quit drinking, I started smoking heavily.
Well, tough.
I also gave up drinking…
What?
…but it didn't give me up.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
I wish Uncle Miguel would start drinking again.
He's unbearable since he joined AA.
-Don't be like that. -Let's make him drink.
-What? -I'm joking.
What's going on with you?
How's living on the land?
I'm not living there anymore.
Really?
-No. -That's great.
I'm using it for business.
-What business? -Paintball.
They don't tell you anything.
You should come by. I'll give you 50 balls.
I mean you can have them for free. I won't shoot you.
Sure.
By the way, I need you to sign something.
Since you're the legal representative, I need to do some paperwork.
Aren't there more meaningful things you could do with the land?
More meaningful for whom?
For you,
or for me?
-We're going to start the game. -Come on.
It's gorgeous, I love it.
-Look. -What is this?
It's for my hair.
-What's this… -It's a cube to…
A salt shaker?
It's a game. You make color combinations with it.
-A game? For me? -I love it, thanks.
A bit generic, but thanks.
You need to.
-Do you want to trade? -Yes.
Okay.
Is it hot?
What's in it? Can I…
-Anyone want more? -Don't smoke in here, Miguel.
Uncle, no!
-New Year's plans? -No plans.
Wanna go out or rent something?
-Like what? -A cabin.
What if there is no tomorrow?
All right, fine.
-Good one. -Drive safe.
First, ask yourself if you got rid of that long face at dinner.
For real? Or are you just saying that?
Shut up.
All right.
Go to step two.
Okay.
Put the apple salad in a bowl.
Mix it with two portions of cod.
Add the shrimp,
and then the Cheez Whiz.
Mix it together well.
Smells good, right?
-Now what? -Go up to the roof.
I want you to put on boxers
and wrap yourself in lights like a Christmas tree.
What? No. Not boxers.
Do it!
No. Not boxers!
What do you mean no?
What did you do? I'm going to freeze!
You look perfect, Chuy.
Now, eat three big spoonfuls
and don't make a long face.
One…
So delicious.
Two…
Enjoy it, Chuy.
And… three.
Big.
That's it, Chuy.
Now, I'll tell you a spell
that you have to repeat exactly.
You can't make a mistake.
Ready?
Repeat after me.
Christmas, oh Christmas. I didn't respect you.
Forgive my mistakes and let me go back.
Christmas, oh Christmas. I didn't respect you.
Allow my mistakes…
"Forgive," Chuy!
Okay.
Christmas, oh Christmas, I didn't respect you.
Forgive my mistakes…
-And jump in place? -"Let me go back"! Concentrate!
Okay.
Christmas, oh Christmas, I didn't respect you.
Forgive my mistakes…
Chuy, what are you doing?
I'm coming!
Help me out.
Christmas, oh Christmas, I didn't respect you.
Forgive my mistakes and let me go back.
What happened?
Christmas, oh Christmas, I didn't respect you.
Forgive my mistakes and let me go back.
Happy birthday to you…
THE NEXT ONE…
No, Bobby.
No, Mom! Not on my birthday!
It's not time to open presents yet.
-Hey, don't forget to… -…get the presents.
No breakfast?
Hey, you!
Why didn't it work?
I endured Christmas.
I did what you said,
practically without a long face.
-I love you. -I missed a lot in one year.
You haven't missed anything.
You've been there the whole time with your long face.
Enough!
-Tell me what I have to do. I'll do it. -Have you never seen a Christmas movie?
I'm not giving you the answer. It's not that easy.
You have to live and experience Christmas.
Savor the crumbs.
Say thank you, dear.
Stop right there, Bunny.
Turn off the stove.
I just ordered a feast.
Pizzas from Lucca. Chow mein from Mr. Lee.
Sandwiches from Mrs. Clemen. Tacos from Tocayo.
I… didn't order dessert.
Because you make the best churros and I want to savor all the crumbs.
What about your mom's Cheez Whiz? She'll feel horrible.
Bunny, we need to, well,
to enjoy the crumbs of life.
It'll be delicious.
No, dear.
We can't. It's too expensive.
Try to understand, dear.
This is the only way to get rid of the spell.
While you're stuck with that spell, life goes on.
Your son is upstairs. He wants to skip Christmas.
He says if you can, so can he. Fix it.
Okay.
I'll fix it.
Who is it?
Why don't you want to come downstairs?
I don't know.
What do you mean?
I want to be alone.
Is that alright?
Yes, of course it is.
But it's Christmas and a lot of people are coming over.
But you always leave. This time I want to go with you.
The thing is, I'm under a spell and you're not.
The whole family will be here and it will be fun.
-You should enjoy life's crumbs. -Shouldn't you be with the family?
I have to go.
Come downstairs?
Okay, good talk.
-Dad. -What?
Nothing. Forget it.
Are you coming downstairs?
Come in, over here.
Check this out. Italian food di la nonna.
Pizza di Salvatore.
N ho ma. Chinese food. Say hi to Mr. Lee.
Look at the chicken breasts from Mrs. Clemen. Delicious!
Jacal's tacos! Yes!
Now we're ready for Christmas!
Feliz Navidad
Prospero año y felicidad
Merry Christmas.
-Thanks. -Merry Christmas.
-Thank you. -Merry Christmas.
-Bye.
-And Merry Christmas. -All the best.
Merry Christmas!
Hi, son. Help your dad with that.
Your sister is an awful driver.
I heard you, you're worse.
You need to heat up the cheese. I like it very melted.
No, Dad. That's petroleum. It's all toxic.
What's all this food?
I ordered takeout so you wouldn't have to cook.
But I want to cook for you.
I know.
But now we can enjoy all the crumbs of Christmas.
What's with all this food?
I was just telling Mom.
And the turkey?
-What turkey? -Your mom baked a turkey for six hours.
That's good because I didn't order turkey.
The others are here. I'll be back.
Can we open the presents?
All right.
Tupperware!
That's so great.
All good, Uncle?
Sure, my boy.
It's nice to have a drink in peace.
To really enjoy the drink.
Right?
I gave up drinking.
But it didn't give me up!
What a good joke, brother.
Open your present.
Let's see.
Wow!
A paintball gun!
A joke book.
The paintball gun is for all those battles on our land.
What? There's no more paintball on the property.
Really?
No, I started construction.
What?
Right now it's just a prefabricated room,
but I'm planning the house. Bobby is helping me.
Are you okay? You look a little pale.
No, don't worry.
Well, this year…
I don't want that. I want turkey with Cheez Whiz.
-Did you get some sauce? -Eat up or no gifts.
Why don't you have some turkey?
Cheers!
Cheers! Merry Christmas!
Happy birthday to you…
-Where are you going? -Get lost.
ANOTHER YEAR…
What's wrong with him?
No.
FOR LEASE
No way.
Everyone is invited to Mass!
It will be great!
Mass is starting!
Diva Godmother?
Everyone come to Mass!
Hurry!
-Why are you dressed like a priest? -I'm spreading the word of God.
Tell me some gossip.
I mean tell me your sins. Come.
Everyone, hurry to Mass!
Take this spell off of me already.
Tell me your sins.
Well, Father.
A few days ago, I told my family that they were moochers
and jerks for taking advantage of me.
I felt overwhelmed.
I know.
We say things we don't mean when we're angry.
But never forget about forgiveness and compassion.
-Father. -My son.
Don't give me that. You're not even a priest.
-Pretend I am. -Fine.
Explain why Christmas,
the birth of Jesus,
has become a celebration of Santa Claus?
Don't you know the story of Saint Nicholas?
-No? -About Papa Noël?
-Santa Claus? -I said no.
Well, Saint Nicholas
was born in a small town, in the third or fourth century.
His parents raised him
to be the best Christian ever.
We're talking about a kid with a lot of money.
But just like Batman, his parents died.
And he was left alone in the world.
Unlike Batman, he didn't want to fight crime.
He dedicated himself to giving away his inheritance to the poor
and to serving God in that way.
Wow.
That's the story of Santa Claus.
A very good man.
So if I act like Santa Claus,
you'll undo the spell.
Yes, but do it right.
Sure. I'll try my best.
-Thanks, Father. -Go on, child.
Yes.
That child.
Kids!
Christmas is here!
Jingle bells!
Okay.
-Stuffies! -Stuffies!
Give me Santa.
-Put him on the piano. -Okay.
-What do you think? -This is Christmas.
What else do you want?
You can yell and pout all you want.
-You're not going to Acapulco. -What's wrong?
She failed three classes and still wants to go to Acapulco.
It's happened to all of us.
No. I was never about to be expelled for cheating on a test.
What? Expelled?
We won't know until January.
January? No! Come here.
This is important.
Family circle.
It's Christmas. And look at us.
We're yelling at each other, we're arguing.
Christmas is about being friends, not enemies.
And I want to apologize
for not being your friend.
It feels so good to apologize.
-Who's next? -What's this?
-I refuse to participate. -Girl, come back here.
Don't break the circle. This is important.
I need to be Saint Nicholas this Christmas or else I won't break the spell.
There it is, the damn spell.
You say it every year. It's not funny.
I'm not joking, I'm serious.
It's just an excuse for you to get your way.
-You don't believe me? -In the spell?
-You don't believe me? -Every year?
-You don't believe me? -No.
You don't believe me.
You know what?
I'm going out.
To share with my fellow man, like Santa Claus.
That's what you do on Christmas. It's the Christmas spirit.
-Who's coming with me? -No one.
Really?
That's it.
Hello! My name is Tito.
Good evening and Merry Christmas.
Can I take your order?
Yes, Tito. Can you give me 20 Christmas combos, please?
Do you want the combo for 49, 59, or 69 pesos?
Forty-nine pesos.
That's 980 pesos, please.
Do you want to round up to 1,000 pesos and donate to the House of Joy?
No.
I can't hear you.
I said no!
Hello?
No! I already said no!
Yes? Hello?
Okay, sure.
Thank you very much.
The children with disabilities greatly appreciate it.
Hello. How are you?
Thank you for your donation.
Here you go.
I've received your money.
Now I'll get you your Christmas combos.
Here you go. Thank you for your donation.
It will help children suffering from extreme hunger.
They haven't eaten for days.
Your donation will buy a lot of food for them.
Thank you very much and Merry Christmas.
That's all 20, right?
Okay.
CHILDREN'S SHELTER
Nun!
I'm coming.
Good evening.
I brought you these hamburgers to share with the kids for Christmas. Bye.
Happy birthday to you…
THREE YEARS LATER…
Where are you going?
I'm…
I'm going to break this spell.
Hold on, I have to talk to you.
It's confirmed. Braulio is investing in my business.
I need to open a bank account.
-Hold on, who? -Braulio.
Who's Braulio?
Braulio de León, my angel investor.
Yes, right. Braulio.
-Paola really caught me off guard. -Why?
Maybe I should turn it down
to spend more time with her to make sure she's on the right track.
What should I do?
Paula's getting expelled?
-What? -Yes, she was expelled.
And she's hanging out with two girls I don't like.
See? I told you a million times.
Being an entrepreneur and a mom don't mix.
-Really? -No.
Well, help me make a decision.
That's what I'm doing.
I want to help you decide.
But there's no way I can while I'm under this spell.
Popsicle, sir?
Popsicle?
You levitate now?
Haven't you ever read The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari?
Great book! I'm obsessed with it.
I don't read cheap philosophy.
I'm in my Buddhist phase. Leave me alone.
Really? Well, I'm in my "take this spell off me" phase.
The Buddha wants you to understand
that the spell is likely your karma.
Karma? No, hold on.
I've done everything you asked me to.
Tell me what Christmas wants from me, then we can talk about karma.
Christmas wants exactly what Buddha wants.
They want you to give. Even if you don't have a lot to give.
Giving more or giving less. Giving is giving.
-Giving is giving. -Giving is giving.
Giving is giving.
Of course. Like the song by Fito Páez.
I didn't know Fito was a Buddhist.
Yes.
My best pupil.
Sit down, we can keep talking.
Giving is giving
Not being attached To what you might get back
Giving is giving
Not telling anyone If they should stay or go
When the world asks you Why, why, why…
-Auntie! -Majo.
-What? -It's your turn.
No, I'll lose the yarn.
I say to them, giving is giving
For jinxing me.
Giving is giving…
-Chuy. -I'm not playing.
Stop begging for attention. Take a present.
I don't need a present, I'm like Buddha, I give.
Giving is giving…
Happy birthday to you…
NEXT CHRISTMAS EVE…
Why are you praying, son?
Since when are you religious?
I started praying so they'll stop beating me up at school.
What? Are you still being bullied?
-At the new school too? -What new school?
I've been asking you to transfer me for a year now.
Diva Godmother?
You're a rabbi now?
I had a Jewish boyfriend, and we couldn't date unless I converted.
You're not Jewish. What are you doing here?
At this point, I'll take advice from anyone.
You're lost, right?
Yes, I'm lost in your Christmas.
-In my Christmas? -Yes, in your Christmas.
Blaming others won't fix anything.
What should I do? I'm lost.
We've done karma, we've done Santa Claus.
I need answers. What should I do?
When we Jews need answers,
we turn to the Bible.
Pray.
When we want to talk to God, we pray.
When we want to thank him, we pray.
-Pray, Chuy. -Right. Yeah.
Pray.
-So I need to bless the food? -If you want.
Do I have to walk to church on my knees?
That's not a Jewish tradition, but you can if you want.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,
now and in the hour of our death. Amen.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners…
Happy birthday to you…
No.
ANOTHER YEAR…
Stop this nightmare already.
-My dear. -Yeah?
The presents.
Yes, I'm on my way to the mall to have all my money stolen. Bye.
-Bye. -Hold on, I want to talk to you.
-Chuy, wait. -What?
Your brother called. He's bringing two girls.
Not one, two.
Where's that tacky thing?
I haven't put it up for years. You said it was gringo nonsense.
I know it's your birthday and it's Christmas.
Don't be bitter this year.
We all love you.
-Okay. Bye. -Cheer up.
Welcome! What do you want to become an iMaster in?
Conrado?
Mr. Cienfuegos is in his office. How can I help you?
No. He's right behind you.
Thank you, Miriam. I'll help him.
Thanks, Miriam.
Steve Jobs would be super proud of you.
Thank you for saying that.
I never imagined seeing you here.
I'm sorry about how things ended.
Yeah, what a shame about Legends.
I was sad when I found out.
It was a hard blow.
I still think that business has opportunities in the digital world.
No way.
Legends is history. "Digital."
You should take one of my classes.
You could become an iMaster.
What?
No, Conrado.
I'm too old to be an iMaster.
I'll either come up with a new business
or wait to see how Daniela's goes.
Braulio de León is her angel investor, right?
-I think so. -He's a god.
He invested in all of this.
We're opening our fourth store.
Wow. What a dog!
More like, what a lion.
Hey.
What if I asked you to be my associate?
Really?
You'd do that for me?
In the spirit of Christmas.
Conrado.
That would be incredible.
Thanks.
And if you work really hard,
you could be the Associate of the Month.
ASSOCIATE OF THE MONTH SARAÍ M
It was nice seeing you.
Don't forget to call Miriam for an interview.
By the way,
happy birthday.
Happy birthday to you…
ONE MORE…
Get me out of here!
No. What's this about being a pescatarian?
No way. Eat that.
-But Mom… -Hey, don't forget the…
Yes, the presents.
-Look, Dad. -What's up, dear?
I bought a new sweater.
-That's nice. -Right?
I need to change too.
-Wait, let me get the tag. -No, Dad.
-Why'd you take off the tag? -What?
-Why do you need the tag? -To return it.
Return it? I thought you liked it.
I want the money back, or to exchange it for something else.
Why?
That's how it works, Dad.
What works?
Everyone does it. You give back the item with the tag and you get your money back.
If someone's going to pay, better them than me. Right?
Auntie! Uncle! Merry Christmas!
Brother! Come in.
Happy birthday.
-Mom! Dad! Merry Christmas! -Happy birthday, son.
Little sister, you look great.
Merry Christmas.
Happy birthday.
It's just you this time?
They got tired of your long face, Chuy.
Happy birthday.
AND ANOTHER ONE…
What's wrong, son?
Guys at school again.
What has to happen for me to change schools?
I know what you need. Come.
Change your clothes. Come with me.
I hate all this ever since I got hurt in karate.
Take it easy.
I'm going to introduce you to the champion. What's up, man?
-What's up, Chuy? -How are you, champ?
-Very well, and you? -A bit concerned.
Why's that? Hold on, I'm coming over.
All right.
-Hey, Chuy. -What's up, champ?
My son is being bullied.
-What? That's not possible. -Right?
I'll teach you some good moves.
Raise your hands, like this.
Move the waist, raise the fists.
-Listen to him. Raise your fists. -Raise them.
Teach him, champ.
-This is for self-defense. -Is this what you want?
For me to fight everyone?
No, son.
I just want you to learn to defend yourself.
-Dad, this is a waste of time. -What?
Why?
You don't understand.
What?
You look at me but you don't see.
What am I not seeing?
Óscar!
Easy, Chuy. Not everything can be fixed with fighting.
DECEMBER 24, CHRISTMAS EVE
Good morning.
-Happy birthday. -Happy birthday.
No cake today?
What are you doing, Bunny?
I'm just paying taxes.
Where's Óscar?
What will it be this year, Dad?
-Are we going to church on our knees? -What's with you?
What?
Since when did you become so cynical?
Who do you think I take after?
Hold on, wait!
-What's wrong with you? -What do you mean?
-You didn't use to be like this. -How was I?
I don't know, different.
-I see. -Yes, different.
You were a sweet girl.
Now you're bitter.
-Oh well, that's life. -No, that's not life.
You know what?
This ends today.
Hold on.
Chuy! Jesús!
-What? -You're leaving again?
I'm sorry, but this has gone on too long.
Yes, you're right. It's been too long.
Hey!
Don't sit on the presents. They're papier-mâché. They'll break.
What are you doing here?
What kind of fairy are you?
I'm the kind that appears when you need them the most.
I need you as much as I need another Christmas.
You need me to break the spell, Chuy.
Well, then do it.
You know what gets me the most?
I've told you what you need to do,
and you do everything except that.
What are you talking about? I did exactly what you asked me
in all of your disguises.
First, they're not disguises.
This is how I dress.
What did I do to you?
You did nothing to me, but what about your family?
You stole my family from me!
What would I need them for?
I can't imagine them working for me as assistant elves.
No, Chuy. You pushed them away yourself before the spell.
The spell was just to help you see what would happen if you didn't change.
You've spent the past Christmas Eves
trying to undo the spell instead of trying to change.
Haven't I changed?
Pretend this is a university,
and the teacher asks you
what grade you think you deserve.
What would you give yourself? 100%?
Maybe not 100%…
90%?
Well…
80%?
All right, 80%.
Come on! 80%?
Yes! I'd say so.
Since I'm the teacher, I'd give you 50%.
You'd flunk me?
Yes! You are the worst student I've had in my whole life.
No, hold on.
50% and 80%,
that's 130.
Divided by two, that's 65%.
I pass! Barely, but I pass.
Fine. Your logic works, but you didn't learn anything.
What? I did learn something.
Please get me out of here.
Okay.
You'll stop reliving Christmas.
But you're not going to like it.
Are you removing the spell,
or are you messing with me?
Are you ready?
Value your family in the present
and in the future that awaits.
Put yourself in other people's shoes.
Okay.
Christmas, oh Christmas,
white Christmas.
A day of happiness and joy.
I will also sing on Christmas.
Are you singing?
Be quiet.
North, south, east, west.
Time's up.
Abracadabra and…
Thanks, Diva Godmother.
IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS EVE ANYMORE…
Neighbors! Long live love!
-Good afternoon. -Merry Christmas.
Where's my car?
Right, the leftovers dinner.
Taxi!
Thanks, Saúl.
Take care! Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, neighbor!
Neighbor.
Merry Christmas. Life's short, enjoy it!
Merry Christmas!
Arturo, how nice!
What are you doing here, Jesús?
-What do you mean? -Daniela!
I'm here for dinner.
Daniela!
What is it?
What?
Sweetie.
I broke the spell.
Come, let's celebrate.
No, Chuy. We have to talk.
Okay.
I talked to a lawyer.
What?
I made up my mind. I want a divorce.
What do you mean, a divorce?
I mean…
Just like that? Overnight?
It's not overnight, Jesús.
I tried everything.
I wanted this to work out, but it didn't.
But I'm here now.
You were focused on what you didn't have
instead of what you had.
You lost everything.
It's over.
What do you mean, it's over?
But…
Daniela!
Not like this, Diva Godmother.
-Who is it? -Chuy, Dad!
-Son! -Dad.
What a surprise!
Yeah.
Leftovers got cancelled,
so I decided to visit my two favorite people.
Two?
-What? -Come in.
You were right.
This really was your last year.
My last words were that I didn't like her cheese sauce.
No, that wasn't all.
You said a lot more.
Yes, but…
Why are you so sentimental right now?
It's been more than ten months.
Yeah, but
this is our first Christmas without her.
It's as if she dies a few times throughout the year.
That's true.
I feel the same way.
Every day.
Wow.
They love selling the idea of a happy family.
There's no such thing.
Only because you're so bitter.
You're always fighting with your siblings.
Don't even mention my brother.
You and Mom raised a real bum.
No, we didn't.
Yes, you did.
I never understood why you gave him the land.
Assets are there to help in times of need.
Don't you get that your brother was completely broke?
I couldn't leave him on the street.
The land was for whoever needed it.
He was in a bad situation.
I'm not his boss, I'm his dad.
I also needed a dad.
Remember all the times you forgot my birthday.
What? Why that face?
Remember when I was six?
That day you all forgot my birthday.
The whole day went by and no one remembered.
And of course, when I cried at dinner,
you all suddenly remembered.
As a consolation, you gave me this old watch.
I don't even like it.
You love playing the victim.
If that is your problem, you're blessed.
And if you don't like the watch, don't wear it.
DECEMBER 26
What's up, Conrado?
Where are you? You were supposed to be here at 7:00.
Welcome to iMasters.
Hello, sweetie.
Want to have dinner with me?
No, Dad. Call my brother.
Your brother isn't answering.
Then call Mom and fix things.
Excuse me, how much are these?
One hundred pesos, sir.
Can I have them?
Sure, they're very pretty.
DECEMBER 27
SILVIA ESPINOZA THOSE WHO KNEW YOU, LOVED YOU.
Hi, Mom.
You left too soon.
Forgive me.
For not being patient with you…
For losing my temper…
You were such a good mom.
Forgive me because…
although my family might be a bunch of freeloaders that always fights,
they're also very loving.
I am very blessed.
I wish you were here
so I could eat your turkey and cheese sauce.
I miss you.
Is everything okay? Your call worried me.
It sounded urgent.
-I know. -Everything okay?
I've been thinking about all of our fights and our differences,
and because of Mom,
I think we should amend the will
and the deed to the plot of land.
Okay.
What are you thinking?
Should we put it under both of our names
or just yours?
I think it should be under your name.
You'll make better use of it.
-Really? -Really.
DECEMBER 28
Oh, Chuy.
Hello.
I'd like to speak to Daniela.
My apologies, but she told us not to let you in.
Please, it's important.
I can't let you in.
Please help me, I need to talk to her.
I can't. She said no.
Girls, can you give us a minute, please?
Thanks.
I'm here.
What's that?
It's for you.
I always call you Bunny.
That's right. Thanks.
Daniela, forgive me.
Forgive me, even for a moment.
"Forgive me." Those are just words.
What do I do with that?
I know, but that's all I have right now.
And deep regret.
Honestly.
Chuy.
I got tired of having to convince you
that I was capable of doing something.
Forgive me.
I'm so proud of you and everything you've achieved.
I love that you're fulfilling your dreams.
You're completely right.
I had it all,
and I lost it.
The only thing I want is
to have dinner with you guys.
To have a Christmas dinner together.
You? You want a Christmas dinner?
Yes.
Óscar won't want to.
Why not?
After the scene you made when he came out of the closet?
I doubt it. No wonder he didn't call on your birthday.
Do you know where he is?
Son!
Óscar!
-I need to talk to you. -What are you doing here?
I want to apologize.
Apologize for what?
For everything!
No, Dad.
You need to try harder than that.
Apologize for what?
I hear I didn't react very well when you told me what you told me.
You hear?
What did I tell you?
Forgive me, son.
I didn't react well
when you told me you're gay.
And you were going to live with your boyfriend.
You wanted to drag me to a strip club.
And then you cried in front of the entire restaurant.
Why would you tell me at a restaurant?
So you wouldn't make a scene!
You should have known better. You know me!
-This is your apology? -No.
I mean, yes.
You spent
a lifetime
trying to turn me into somebody I wasn't.
Focusing on everything I lacked.
That's why I'm here, son.
To tell you that I see you.
I value who you are.
I love you, son!
Forgive me!
What are you doing? No, wait. Son!
Son!
I'm sorry, son.
I love you too, Dad.
This is Tommy.
Hello, Father-in-law.
Nice to meet you, Tommy.
I'd like to have Christmas dinner.
Why are you here?
We're making Christmas dinner.
What are you talking about? Christmas is over.
I know, but we want to celebrate with you.
Thanks, but I'm not hungry and I'm not in the mood.
That's exactly why.
We're all here.
No matter what happens, we'll always be a family.
Come, join us for dinner.
Come on.
It's last minute…
I want to say a few words.
And to make a toast
for us being here
at this Christmas dinner
that I wanted so much.
I know it's not Christmas anymore, but thank you.
Thanks, Dad, brother, for being here with us.
And to everyone for making this dinner possible.
Thank you.
Cheers.
For being here with us.
And to everyone for making this dinner possible.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
-Tommy, nice to have you. -Thank you.
-He did it! -He did it!
She's watching down from heaven.
He did it!
-What's going on? -He did it!
Let's see.
Finally! Are you ready?
Yes!
I miss Mom so much.
Enjoy the food, Dad.
What's that?
-What? -Today's the 28th.
Dad.
Can I change my letter to Santa Claus?
Come on! Please, Daddy.
Yes, my love.
I heard you.
Of course we can change it.
I also want to change mine.
You do, champ?
Kids, I hope you wished your dad a happy birthday.
Happy birthday to you…
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BIRTHDAY BOY!
Once, a friend told me to enjoy life's crumbs.
I don't know if that was days or years ago.
I was different then.
-What's up? -Spare some change.
Some change?
What about a job?
-Know how to clean windows? Get in! -Okay.
I couldn't value the people who love me and put up with me.
Want to be my business partner?
-Business partner? -Partner!
I thought Christmas was a farce,
when everyone was filled with love and cheer,
and then forgot all about it the next day.
Cheez Whiz!
If I learned anything,
is that it's not just Christmas Day that's important,
but also the days that follow it.
I know what a life of indifference is like.
I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
Christmas is a time
to hug those that are close to us,
and to remember those who are far away.
And despite the nonsense you heard me say before,
the world is a place of kindness.
Happy birthday to you…
But I'm sure you already know that.
Where are you going?
-To the leftovers dinner. -Can I come?
Really?
Subtitle translation by: B.P.