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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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A NETFLIX COMEDY SPECIAL
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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Good evening, São Paulo!
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It's great to have you here.
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I'm freaking happy! Wow!
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Are you okay, girl?
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She's a virgin, for sure.
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Guys, my life is so exciting now.
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We know
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it's hard for a woman
to stand out in any field.
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If I stand out today
and have sold-out shows wherever I go,
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it's because of you. Thank you.
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Seriously, thank you.
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Unfortunately, we all know
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that whenever a woman stands out,
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whenever a woman ascends
to a position of power,
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there's always some dude
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ready to ask,
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"Who did she fuck
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to get where she is?"
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And if they ask me…
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who did I fuck,
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I'll say, "A bunch of guys."
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It's impressive
how no man helped me to get here.
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They just get in my way!
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I fucked a man a while back,
and he stole my TV set.
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To buy drugs. Seriously.
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Worst of all,
my TV set was logged into my Netflix,
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and the drug dealer
watches series I hate. It's awful.
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He ruined my suggestions.
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Quit thinking that a man has anything
to do with women's achievements.
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A woman busts her ass
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to buy an expensive car,
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and someone says, "Oh!"
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"A gift from her sugar daddy."
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I don't even have a daddy.
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Quit thinking that women succeed
by pole jumping through life.
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Sure, I won't be a hypocrite
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and tell you
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that I never achieved anything
through sex.
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I did. Yes.
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A bunch of things.
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"Having sex, Bruna?" No.
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Let me explain.
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It goes wrong, I tell you.
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I say with a clean conscience
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that each step I climb up
to my new penthouse
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was a cock that didn't go up in my bed.
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You know
you're cheering for limp cocks, right?
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That makes me sad, but also rich.
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I don't even write the jokes anymore.
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I was seeing a guy,
and I don't know what went wrong,
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but I didn't fuck him on the first date.
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Women, I beg of you,
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meet, kiss, and fuck him already.
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Fuck him,
or you'll start having expectations,
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you'll get involved, and then, he's awful.
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Perhaps, he moans like a horse.
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Or he licks you without moving his tongue.
That pisses me off!
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Perhaps, he voted for Bolsonaro. I mean…
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Fuck him, then discard him.
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Expectations are fucked up.
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Anyway, on our fifth date,
I decided I'd fuck him.
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Whether he wants it or not,
I'm sitting on his face. I don't care.
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I have goals. I leave home with a mission.
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So, I took a nice bath,
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put on a G-string…
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tucked deep in my ass.
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I hate G-strings.
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For God's sake,
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women who wear G-strings every day
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have lost their will to live.
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Your ass chews them up. You know, right?
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Your asshole doesn't know what to do.
It goes like…
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It can't see a thing.
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But that night, I was game.
G-string tucked so deep,
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that whoever could fish that out,
should be crowned King Arthur.
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And then,
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I went to his place.
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I never do that,
'cause I'm no Chinese takeout.
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But that night, I was game.
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I got there, I was game, he was game.
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I was game, he was game.
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His cock…
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Every woman
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has a secret weapon
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against "cocklimpness".
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They all know.
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If the cock is down,
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suck it, suck it, suck it.
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True. The blood starts circulating,
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the dick goes up, you sit on it,
praise the Lord!
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Amen, sisters.
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Seriously, I was game.
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My jaw was clicking.
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I was excited!
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Me: suck, suck, suck. His cock: dead.
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Me: suck, suck, suck. His cock: dead.
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Me…
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His cock…
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I started to find that funny.
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It was funny because I was so fucked.
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Am I stuck in purgatory,
endlessly sucking on a wet noodle?
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No! If you ever sucked a limp dick,
you know what I mean.
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Your soul leaves your body!
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That marshmallow in your mouth!
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Then, a popcorn husk.
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I didn't even eat popcorn!
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I couldn't hold it in.
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I went…
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I laughed on his cock.
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He thought I was choking.
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His self-esteem was sky-high.
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It's true, you know?
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You go, "Bruna says nasty things."
But it's happening to me.
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The guys are really going limp on me.
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That's become my daily life.
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I've turned into Thanos for hard cocks.
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The guy whips out his cock,
the cock sees me and…
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I prefer to think that cocks respect me.
When they see me, they bow to me.
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Problem is, they stay down.
Never go back up.
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I started to get worried about it.
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I talked about it in therapy.
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I said, "I can't stand
saggy poles anymore."
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My therapist said, "Bruna,
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we need to understand
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why you're not allowing men
to enter your life."
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I was like, "Whoa!"
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"Enter my life, seriously?"
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"There's a nymphet
at the front desk here."
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"Getting in isn't the problem."
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She said she needed to know my story
to find out when it all started.
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I told her the abridged version.
I'll tell you some excerpts.
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The year is 1984.
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The year baby Bruna Louise was born,
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weighing 11 lbs.
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A baby hippo.
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I was so big, that the doctor said
to my mom, "Wow!"
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"What are you naming this 11-pound baby?"
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Mom said, "Uncle John."
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Not because of the weight.
I had a mustache.
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It was a natural birth.
That's when Mom cares for the baby,
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and Dad goes out for cigarettes
and never comes back.
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My dad left us the day I was born.
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He had the balls to call my mom
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and say, "I'm leaving the family.
Forgive me. I have postnatal depression."
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1998.
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For the first time,
Bruna Louise goes to a therapy session.
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She gets there and asks,
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"Doctor, how much does a session cost?"
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She answers, "150 reais."
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2001.
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Bruna finally manages to save 150 reais.
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That wasn't easy, you know?
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Bruna goes back
to that therapist and says,
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"Doctor, even though I'm very young,
I've noticed I don't trust men."
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"I don't think I'll be able
to go steady with anyone."
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She says, "Indeed. Not even with me.
The session now is 210 reais."
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00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:46,604
2002.
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00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:50,191
Ronaldo wins the World Cup for Brazil,
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sporting his new Baby Samurai haircut.
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2003.
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Bruna regrets having copied
Ronaldo's Baby Samurai haircut.
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2005.
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00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,505
It was the year I got my first job.
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I sold toilet paper.
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I loved it! I could tell people
to shove my product up their asses,
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and it was okay.
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2007.
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It was the year I started dating.
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My first sweetheart.
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It lasted three months.
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We broke up
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'cause I liked one thing a lot,
and he didn't like it at all.
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Me.
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2009.
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00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:45,162
Through a lot of effort,
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I managed to buy a car.
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And I was very happy
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because that allowed me to fulfill
my biggest dream back then.
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I went after my first boyfriend
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and that worked out nicely.
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I ran him over.
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2010.
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00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,942
The year I started doing stand-up.
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I remember
that my therapist was very excited.
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She said, "It's great
that you're doing stand-up."
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"I'd love to see your show.
How much is it?"
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I said, "150 reais."
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Then I went, "Just kidding, Doc,
it's free. Please bring someone!"
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She went, and she was so happy
to see me on stage.
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She said, "Bruna, I'm sure
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you'll succeed in stand-up."
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"I'm sure you'll have lots of sessions."
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I said, "Sold-out sessions?"
She goes, "Therapy sessions, moron!"
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The witch was right.
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2016.
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00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,865
Adélio's cock went limp.
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00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,336
2017.
201
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,505
Roberval's cock went limp.
202
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:21,425
2018.
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00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:25,012
Jair's tube man deflated.
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00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,349
And I was being picky about my dates.
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In 2019,
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I finally met a partner
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00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,481
who never went limp on me.
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Edmilson, my vibrator.
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00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:48,577
Then, 2020 arrived,
and the pandemic made everyone go limp.
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I spent so much time at home
during the pandemic,
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00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,291
that I short-circuited Edmilson.
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There was a lot of vibrator action.
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This pussy became Vibratorland!
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00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:04,301
I touched the housemaid and zapped her.
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00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,930
I turned Christmas lights on
without plugging them in.
216
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:17,147
That year, I grew so close to Ed,
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00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,110
that I took it to my therapy by mistake.
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00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,905
I think he didn't want to go,
he was shaking all over.
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00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,576
When I told this to my therapist,
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00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:29,910
she said, "I get it."
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"You don't let men get into your life
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00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:38,043
because you're afraid they'll abandon you
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00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,421
like your father did."
224
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:43,007
I said, "Nice tale. Shove it up your ass."
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00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,635
It was something like that.
226
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,722
She said, "Stop running from it."
227
00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:53,726
"To have a healthy relationship,
you need to look for your dad."
228
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:56,562
I said, "I won't look for my dad."
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00:14:56,645 --> 00:15:00,065
She said, "Look for your dad."
I said, "I won't."
230
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,484
"Edmilson, what do you think?" He went…
231
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,288
When I talk about vibrators,
232
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:16,999
I like to watch the audience's reactions.
233
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:18,667
I like to see your faces.
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00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,587
There are women who have one at home
235
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:22,880
and love it.
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00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:26,091
And there are the curious ones.
Women, buy one.
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00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:27,635
It's vibrant.
238
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,388
There are guys
239
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:34,934
whose girlfriends use it.
They know it helps, it's awesome.
240
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And there are guys
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00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,775
with those fragile male egos
242
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,862
who are jealous of the vibrator.
243
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:51,909
I'll repeat.
They are jealous of the vibrator!
244
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:55,329
You're jealous? Buy yourself one, dammit!
245
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:06,966
It makes no sense.
We won't trade any man for a vibrator.
246
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,510
We know the vibrator is way better,
247
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:12,054
but we need someone to get on our nerves.
248
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:16,475
That's the guy who says to his girl,
"No, love,
249
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,396
we don't need these modern things."
250
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,648
"I can vibrate for you."
251
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,489
"Vibrators are for whores."
252
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:35,536
Women, whenever a man feels intimidated
by a woman's behavior,
253
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:38,414
the name-calling is always the same.
254
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:40,666
Whore. It's always whore.
255
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:44,628
It's unfair that some of these terms
256
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:48,757
are a compliment for men,
but very offensive for women.
257
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,885
Male dog. Men's best friend.
258
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:54,138
Female dog. Whore.
259
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:55,806
Bull. Strong man.
260
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,641
Cow. Whore.
261
00:16:57,725 --> 00:17:01,395
Male gold digger. A treasure hunter.
Female gold digger. Whore.
262
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,564
Gabriel Medina. Surfer.
263
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,149
Bruna Surfistinha…
264
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,026
Whore.
265
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:19,371
And whenever a man wants
to insult another man,
266
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:22,082
he says "son of a bitch".
267
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,001
It's always our fault, dammit!
268
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:27,546
Soccer is still a male-dominated sport.
269
00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:30,799
One of the most used insults
is son of a bitch.
270
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,594
We're not even on the field, dude!
271
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:38,057
And when their team loses,
272
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,727
who do they blame? The referee's mom.
273
00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:46,398
Ms. Juraci, 80 years old,
knitting at home.
274
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,276
She's unquestionably a whore.
275
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:53,030
She doesn't roast chicken for dinner.
276
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,657
She roasts big, fat, hairy cocks.
277
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,961
And why is it so offensive
278
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,089
to be a whore's offspring?
279
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:13,926
Whores are service providers
280
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,428
who deliver their goods on time,
281
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,180
unlike contractors.
282
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,976
A scene no one will ever see
283
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:28,607
is a whore interrupting a blowjob
and saying, "So, Etevaldo,
284
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:34,196
unfortunately, I won't be able to finish
because it'll rain tomorrow."
285
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:37,491
She always delivers.
286
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:42,871
And it doesn't matter
how long you've been in a relationship,
287
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:47,251
ten years, one year, one month,
288
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:49,878
there's always this fear
289
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,381
haunting a woman's soul.
290
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:53,799
It is
291
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,885
the question, "When will he ask
292
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,263
to fuck me in the ass?"
293
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,853
This fear intensifies
close to celebratory dates,
294
00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:09,940
the fucker's birthday, dating anniversary,
295
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:12,192
Christmas, Day of the Dead.
296
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,406
Nine out of ten women suffer
from this fear.
297
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,784
And those who don't,
who like it up their asses?
298
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,703
If you're one of them,
299
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,956
then give it away,
send out flyers about it!
300
00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:30,294
But don't try to convince me
to do the same.
301
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:32,921
Don't become the Jehovah's Witness of ass.
302
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:36,675
I don't want to wake up Sunday morning
to praise the ass almighty!
303
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:45,100
I don't like it.
It's not prejudice, I just don't like it.
304
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,853
"Bruna, if you don't like it,
305
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,606
you're not doing it properly."
306
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,191
"Rub more oil on it."
307
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,904
Is it an ass or a dumpling?
308
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:02,034
I don't want to smell like a deep fryer
while I'm fucking.
309
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:05,537
My ass is an air fryer. No oil needed.
310
00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:10,709
And there's a threat
almost every woman's heard.
311
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,171
"You won't do anal?"
312
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,799
"I'll look for someone who will."
313
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:21,762
And where do people
314
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,139
go to get some ass?
315
00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:26,642
From the butt truck.
316
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:30,437
The butt truck is coming!
317
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:34,483
"Oily butt, shaved butt, fresh butt!"
318
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,152
"Bring your own bowl!"
319
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:42,115
And the guys,
320
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:43,867
"Love,
321
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,495
open your mind."
322
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,749
"Let's try something different."
323
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:53,335
"Sure."
324
00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:55,504
"How about
325
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:57,631
you give me an orgasm?"
326
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:08,684
Clap, sir! Your wife's clapping.
327
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,275
Oh, well.
328
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:18,443
Women,
329
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,822
raise your hand
if you like it up your ass.
330
00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:29,579
"And let the entire world know it?"
331
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,125
I'm not judging.
332
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,169
Don't you like it, Grandma?
333
00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:40,924
That's okay. I don't like it either.
334
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:42,259
Ladies,
335
00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:46,305
we can simply say no, of course,
336
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,891
but we can also poke some fun at them.
337
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:53,395
I love making up excuses, you know?
338
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,772
"Bruna, let me fuck you in the ass."
339
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:58,567
"Aw, I can't. My ass is offline."
340
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,446
"Don't touch it, I got a virus."
341
00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:06,742
But my all-time favorite is
342
00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:09,328
to look him in the eye and say,
343
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:13,040
"I can't let you do that."
344
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:17,711
"Unfortunately, your cock
345
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,172
is enormous."
346
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:31,516
"Those three inches will tear me apart."
347
00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:38,523
Stop begging for our asses
and order us some Chinese food already!
348
00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:41,068
What a drag!
You've turned into ass beggars.
349
00:22:41,151 --> 00:22:44,446
"Give me some ass,
I got eight mouths to feed." Fuck you!
350
00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:46,656
Dammit!
351
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:50,994
Another thing that I swear
makes no sense is this boob thing.
352
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:54,081
Why do women have to hide their boobs
353
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:57,376
while men show off their ugly nipples?
354
00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:02,005
Right now, some dumb guy
is thinking, "Bruna,
355
00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:03,757
if you want,
356
00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:05,884
you can show your tits."
357
00:23:08,136 --> 00:23:09,638
"Show them right now."
358
00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:24,361
I can't show my boobs, no woman can.
Want to know why?
359
00:23:24,444 --> 00:23:28,156
Because you can't keep
your tiny cocks in your pants.
360
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,576
And some nasty tiny cocks they are.
361
00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:34,955
It's not like Cauã Reymond
will whip out his anaconda
362
00:23:35,038 --> 00:23:36,748
for my boobs, right?
363
00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:41,294
Want to know what the problem is?
364
00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:43,922
Men's breasts are free.
365
00:23:44,005 --> 00:23:46,591
Women's breasts are on parole.
366
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:49,678
We wear that ankle monitor you call a bra.
367
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:54,891
This is why whenever a man
can't open a woman's bra,
368
00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:55,892
I think,
369
00:23:57,394 --> 00:23:59,104
"The warden forgot his keys."
370
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:03,442
Women live their whole lives
371
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,527
hiding their nipples.
372
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,530
We hide our nipples in tank tops,
373
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:11,283
in bras, in ex-boyfriend's mouths.
374
00:24:25,213 --> 00:24:29,134
And every woman knows
that the worst hiding place for nipples
375
00:24:30,510 --> 00:24:31,887
is the bikini top.
376
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:34,806
When you finish tying up the strings,
377
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:36,933
your nipples go crazy. It's like…
378
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:41,396
The fuckers want to escape
379
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:45,066
worse than a Prison Break inmate.
They want to break free.
380
00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:47,569
And if you see an escapee nipple,
381
00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:50,405
for God's sake, warn its owner!
382
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:51,907
We can't feel it.
383
00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:55,035
It's not as if an alarm goes off
when a salami slice escapes.
384
00:24:56,578 --> 00:25:00,081
"I didn't warn her 'cause I thought
she was trying to be sexy."
385
00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:02,667
That is never the case. Never!
386
00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:05,921
We know that.
Escapee nipples never look their best.
387
00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:09,799
That's right.
They never smile and go, "Hello!"
388
00:25:09,883 --> 00:25:10,717
No!
389
00:25:11,426 --> 00:25:12,302
They're like…
390
00:25:15,222 --> 00:25:17,432
Like people squeezed by sliding doors
391
00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:19,351
in the Tokyo subway.
392
00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:25,815
"Bruna, it's always been like that.
It isn't our fault."
393
00:25:25,899 --> 00:25:29,236
No. It hasn't always been like that.
394
00:25:29,319 --> 00:25:33,156
There was a time in history
when women could show their breasts.
395
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,492
Several paintings prove that.
396
00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:40,288
If you look at an Adam and Eve painting,
that's very clear.
397
00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:43,208
Adam and Eve wore only one leaf each.
398
00:25:43,291 --> 00:25:45,418
Eve didn't wear lettuce on her tits.
399
00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:50,423
It'd be as if they opened a veggie joint
after being chased from Eden.
400
00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:54,094
I love this Adam and Eve's story.
401
00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:57,472
Can't wait for it to turn into
a soap opera on a Christian network
402
00:25:58,348 --> 00:26:02,561
just to see the cast.
Calypso's Joelma as Eve.
403
00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:06,231
Eri Johnson as Adam,
404
00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:09,192
with his accent from Rio. Fuck it!
405
00:26:10,986 --> 00:26:13,655
Leo Dias as the Serpent.
406
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:17,576
An apple and some gossip.
407
00:26:21,621 --> 00:26:22,956
I love this story.
408
00:26:23,498 --> 00:26:25,125
I'd just change one thing.
409
00:26:25,208 --> 00:26:27,168
I think it's very unfair
410
00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:32,048
to blame Eve for the original sin. No.
411
00:26:32,132 --> 00:26:33,550
That's unfair.
412
00:26:33,633 --> 00:26:35,969
I think Eve was blamed
413
00:26:36,052 --> 00:26:40,348
because there were only three voters:
Adam, God, and Cid Moreira.
414
00:26:42,809 --> 00:26:46,855
Think about how we learned this story.
415
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:51,443
God created the world, all the animals,
416
00:26:51,526 --> 00:26:53,528
and Adam.
417
00:26:54,112 --> 00:26:55,488
Only Adam.
418
00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:57,949
Only the cutie-pie.
419
00:26:58,533 --> 00:27:01,995
God looks at Adam and says, "Simba,
420
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:06,666
you can shag everything you see here."
421
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,127
I adapted it a little.
422
00:27:11,171 --> 00:27:13,381
I imagine the Garden of Eden
423
00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:16,217
as a macho man beach.
424
00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:19,679
The kind that has never seen
a pauper in its life.
425
00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:22,515
Imagine Adam getting there all alone,
426
00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:25,977
single and ready to mingle.
427
00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:28,438
Picture him wearing a backwards cap,
428
00:27:28,521 --> 00:27:31,983
like a reality show winner, just chilling.
429
00:27:32,817 --> 00:27:35,445
He had the Garden of Eden for himself.
430
00:27:35,945 --> 00:27:38,698
He could do anything he wanted.
431
00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:41,910
He could do those things men do
when they're alone,
432
00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:44,537
like smell his own farts, whatever you do.
433
00:27:47,624 --> 00:27:51,002
But Adam wanted a m-Adam.
434
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:57,008
Really, Adam was Adam-ant.
435
00:27:58,051 --> 00:27:59,260
I have a dozen more.
436
00:28:01,513 --> 00:28:03,348
Seriously, guys.
437
00:28:03,431 --> 00:28:04,265
Thanks.
438
00:28:10,313 --> 00:28:15,443
Adam was bored.
He was like, "What a drag!"
439
00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:18,238
"I've no one to play with me."
440
00:28:20,949 --> 00:28:23,284
Limp.
441
00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:25,787
Limp.
442
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:31,668
Adam is irritating.
He's like a spoiled brat.
443
00:28:31,751 --> 00:28:34,671
I think Adam was
the first Enzo in history.
444
00:28:45,348 --> 00:28:48,143
So, not giving A-dam…
445
00:28:49,102 --> 00:28:50,311
Told you I had more.
446
00:28:51,521 --> 00:28:54,899
…he repeats, "What a drag!
I have no one to play with."
447
00:28:55,483 --> 00:28:57,444
"I'm going to complain to God."
448
00:28:57,527 --> 00:28:59,112
He opens WhatsApp.
449
00:28:59,195 --> 00:29:00,989
"Great, Daddy's online."
450
00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:05,744
He sends God an audio message.
451
00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:07,954
"Dad, I got no one to play with!"
452
00:29:08,663 --> 00:29:10,707
God stops what He's doing
453
00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:12,959
and says, "Hey, kiddo."
454
00:29:13,460 --> 00:29:16,588
"Daddy will make you a great toy."
455
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:18,882
And He creates Eve.
456
00:29:19,507 --> 00:29:21,259
We learned
457
00:29:21,342 --> 00:29:25,513
that we've been created
to entertain those suckers.
458
00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:28,600
And as if that wasn't enough,
459
00:29:28,683 --> 00:29:31,770
God uses a bone from Adam's body
to make Eve.
460
00:29:31,853 --> 00:29:36,107
I mean, we're born in debt,
owing the sons of bitches a favor.
461
00:29:37,108 --> 00:29:39,819
This is why whenever I meet a new guy,
462
00:29:39,903 --> 00:29:42,447
I buy him grilled ribs
463
00:29:43,406 --> 00:29:45,784
to try and settle that debt.
464
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:57,170
And I also give him a blowjob,
to cover fees and interest.
465
00:30:00,089 --> 00:30:04,219
I think that when God created Eve,
He nailed it.
466
00:30:04,302 --> 00:30:07,180
Imagine Eve,
the hottest girl in the world,
467
00:30:07,263 --> 00:30:11,434
arriving in Eden
from the bottom of the sea,
468
00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:13,853
Ex On The Beach style.
469
00:30:24,572 --> 00:30:25,573
I don't think
470
00:30:26,407 --> 00:30:29,869
God nailed it as much with Adam.
471
00:30:30,411 --> 00:30:34,332
It took God some time to get man right.
472
00:30:34,415 --> 00:30:38,169
He only hit the spot
when He made Rodrigo Hilbert.
473
00:30:40,338 --> 00:30:41,297
I imagine
474
00:30:42,006 --> 00:30:42,841
Adam
475
00:30:43,466 --> 00:30:46,636
as an ugly guy with a great heart.
476
00:30:47,387 --> 00:30:49,222
Do you know the type?
477
00:30:49,305 --> 00:30:51,516
That guy you don't want to fuck,
478
00:30:51,599 --> 00:30:54,769
until you get distracted, fuck him,
and he has a foot-long dick?
479
00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,604
You girls know, right?
480
00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:01,985
Every woman has fucked
an ugly guy with a huge dick.
481
00:31:02,068 --> 00:31:05,280
"No, he's awesome. He's funny, nice."
482
00:31:05,363 --> 00:31:07,740
"He just delivers the pizza."
483
00:31:09,951 --> 00:31:11,286
Imagine Adam seeing
484
00:31:11,369 --> 00:31:14,664
that gorgeous babe and going,
485
00:31:17,458 --> 00:31:19,127
"Do you come here often?"
486
00:31:20,587 --> 00:31:24,549
Poor Eve, having Adam as her only option.
487
00:31:24,632 --> 00:31:26,342
Imagine opening Tinder: Adam.
488
00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:28,303
Instagram: Adam.
489
00:31:28,386 --> 00:31:30,763
WhatsApp group: Adam, God, Cid Moreira.
490
00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:33,391
Long audio messages.
491
00:31:35,393 --> 00:31:36,311
Girls,
492
00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:38,396
don't fool yourselves.
493
00:31:38,479 --> 00:31:43,026
We carry, along with Eve,
this guilt for the original sin,
494
00:31:43,526 --> 00:31:45,028
because according to the story,
495
00:31:45,737 --> 00:31:48,615
Eve couldn't resist…
496
00:31:53,453 --> 00:31:54,704
an apple.
497
00:31:57,081 --> 00:31:58,499
An apple.
498
00:31:59,792 --> 00:32:03,796
It's not Nutella, slices of bacon,
or beer and samba. An apple.
499
00:32:05,214 --> 00:32:09,052
When was the last time you went nuts
in the middle of the night,
500
00:32:09,135 --> 00:32:13,264
got out of bed, opened the fridge
and stuffed your face with apples?
501
00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:14,599
Never!
502
00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:18,061
We don't like apples.
We don't trust apples.
503
00:32:18,144 --> 00:32:19,520
We've read Snow White!
504
00:32:21,731 --> 00:32:25,735
The only thing with an apple we wish for
is an iPhone. Fuck the rest!
505
00:32:27,362 --> 00:32:31,616
And, according to the story,
who convinced Eve to bite the apple?
506
00:32:32,116 --> 00:32:33,409
A serpent. No.
507
00:32:34,702 --> 00:32:35,536
No!
508
00:32:36,162 --> 00:32:39,082
I can't imagine a naked woman
509
00:32:39,165 --> 00:32:42,251
talking to a serpent.
510
00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:44,671
I've taken all kinds of drugs.
511
00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:49,676
I've talked to ferns, pandas, aliens,
but I can't stand snakes.
512
00:32:51,177 --> 00:32:53,137
Snakes are poisonous.
513
00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:55,682
Snakes are creepy.
514
00:32:56,683 --> 00:32:59,060
They don't even have hands to wave at you.
515
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,690
And if it has no hands,
how did it bring the apple to Eden?
516
00:33:03,773 --> 00:33:04,983
Dribbling it?
517
00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:18,121
Adam must have had a hand in it.
518
00:33:19,288 --> 00:33:21,666
Adam must have had a hand in it.
519
00:33:22,542 --> 00:33:24,502
Remember, when Eve got there,
520
00:33:26,045 --> 00:33:27,922
she was naked.
521
00:33:29,590 --> 00:33:32,635
You know how men get
when they see a naked woman.
522
00:33:33,136 --> 00:33:34,137
Adam was like…
523
00:33:36,139 --> 00:33:36,973
Tits!
524
00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:41,019
"Putits"!
Words hadn't been quite invented yet.
525
00:33:42,395 --> 00:33:46,941
Maybe that was it. The original sin was
a tollbooth arm gate going up.
526
00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:48,735
And another thing,
527
00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:51,112
in this story,
Adam gave a rib to make Eve.
528
00:33:51,195 --> 00:33:53,322
On the paintings,
Adam should be like this…
529
00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:05,626
Everything went wrong in this story,
530
00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,588
and I daresay it went wrong
531
00:34:08,671 --> 00:34:09,672
because God
532
00:34:10,339 --> 00:34:11,174
is a father.
533
00:34:12,175 --> 00:34:14,385
If God had been a mom,
534
00:34:15,636 --> 00:34:18,806
no one would eat a fucking apple
before lunch.
535
00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:21,768
Moms raise kids on a short leash.
536
00:34:22,435 --> 00:34:25,938
Whoever has a mom with a temper knows it.
They're the devil.
537
00:34:26,647 --> 00:34:27,482
Mine is here.
538
00:34:29,817 --> 00:34:32,153
I love my mom. Mom, you know it.
539
00:34:33,488 --> 00:34:37,825
I'm a huge fan, she raised two kids
by herself, she's strong, but she's Satan.
540
00:34:38,326 --> 00:34:41,287
God! That hag has such a temper.
She still bosses me around.
541
00:34:41,370 --> 00:34:43,498
Me and my sister.
542
00:34:43,998 --> 00:34:46,959
A few years ago,
my older sister, Carolina,
543
00:34:47,627 --> 00:34:50,088
decided to get married.
544
00:34:54,717 --> 00:34:57,762
It's sad seeing someone you love
545
00:34:58,262 --> 00:35:00,431
following the path of evil,
546
00:35:01,015 --> 00:35:03,559
going into the valley of shadows.
547
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:06,479
Sisters, I tried to bring her
to the light,
548
00:35:06,562 --> 00:35:08,731
I showed her drugs and swing clubs.
549
00:35:10,566 --> 00:35:12,652
I lost to the darkness of marriage.
550
00:35:13,986 --> 00:35:16,864
Worst of all, she wanted me
to be her maid of honor.
551
00:35:18,616 --> 00:35:20,076
Mom got so angry
552
00:35:20,159 --> 00:35:23,371
and forced me
into being my sister's maid of honor.
553
00:35:23,454 --> 00:35:25,456
I admit that I was unhappy about it,
554
00:35:25,957 --> 00:35:27,542
and I drank a bit too much.
555
00:35:28,084 --> 00:35:28,918
I threw up.
556
00:35:29,919 --> 00:35:31,170
On my sister.
557
00:35:33,381 --> 00:35:34,423
Beautiful story.
558
00:35:35,550 --> 00:35:38,511
Two years after Carolina got married,
559
00:35:38,594 --> 00:35:40,179
she called me and said,
560
00:35:40,263 --> 00:35:42,765
"Hi. I have good news."
561
00:35:43,349 --> 00:35:44,684
"I'm pregnant!"
562
00:35:44,767 --> 00:35:46,519
And I said, "I'm drunk!"
563
00:35:48,187 --> 00:35:50,523
She goes, "Again?" I said, "Still."
564
00:35:52,358 --> 00:35:54,527
She said: "I'm pregnant, and I want you
565
00:35:54,610 --> 00:35:56,737
to be my daughter's godmother."
566
00:35:56,821 --> 00:35:57,905
I said, "Darling,
567
00:35:58,656 --> 00:36:00,449
haven't you learned anything?"
568
00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:02,451
I can't be a godmother.
569
00:36:02,535 --> 00:36:04,370
I've got nothing good to offer.
570
00:36:04,453 --> 00:36:07,748
I'm pretty on the outside,
but rotten inside.
571
00:36:08,249 --> 00:36:11,919
Instead of blood, a mix of alcohol
and noodle seasoning flows in my veins.
572
00:36:12,420 --> 00:36:13,629
I'm immature.
573
00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:17,550
I might show up hungover
and drink holy water from the sink.
574
00:36:17,633 --> 00:36:21,596
Slap the priest's ass, lift his cassock
and say, "Look, a choirboy!"
575
00:36:32,064 --> 00:36:35,610
I told you
about my mom's temper, didn't I?
576
00:36:36,485 --> 00:36:37,445
I'm a godmother!
577
00:36:39,238 --> 00:36:40,198
Dinda Bru.
578
00:36:40,281 --> 00:36:43,284
Then my niece was born. Clara is her name.
579
00:36:43,784 --> 00:36:45,286
She's so cute.
580
00:36:45,828 --> 00:36:49,665
To my sister's dismay,
her daughter looks exactly like me.
581
00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:52,877
She spared me the hard work.
582
00:36:54,462 --> 00:36:57,632
On my niece's third birthday,
Mom called me,
583
00:36:58,174 --> 00:37:01,928
and after that call,
I lovingly nicknamed my mom
584
00:37:02,011 --> 00:37:04,388
the Call Center of Doom.
585
00:37:05,264 --> 00:37:07,391
She calls me just to raise hell.
586
00:37:08,851 --> 00:37:11,562
-"Hi, Mom."
-"Hi, darling!"
587
00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:14,065
What?
588
00:37:15,024 --> 00:37:16,817
She never treated me like that.
589
00:37:17,526 --> 00:37:19,237
Where's the hellfire?
590
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,491
"Mom, what do you want?"
591
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:28,371
"Listen, it's your niece, I mean,
592
00:37:28,454 --> 00:37:30,164
your goddaughter's birthday,
593
00:37:30,248 --> 00:37:32,541
and she needs a bed."
594
00:37:33,251 --> 00:37:35,086
"Perhaps her godmother…"
595
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,463
Godmother!
596
00:37:38,130 --> 00:37:39,548
"…could give her one?"
597
00:37:39,632 --> 00:37:43,552
I got it. It wasn't love.
It was an invoice.
598
00:37:46,055 --> 00:37:46,889
Guys,
599
00:37:47,390 --> 00:37:48,933
I'm no expert on kids.
600
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:52,603
I don't know where the on/off switch is.
601
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:56,315
And my niece went through
a very irritating phase.
602
00:37:56,399 --> 00:38:00,278
Seriously. She just slept,
cried, threw up and shat herself.
603
00:38:00,861 --> 00:38:02,238
Like me when I'm drunk.
604
00:38:03,489 --> 00:38:05,074
So, I gave her an Engov.
605
00:38:06,993 --> 00:38:08,577
My sister didn't like it!
606
00:38:09,453 --> 00:38:12,206
"You can't give it to her, she's a baby."
607
00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:14,875
I said, "I'm a baby, too.
I still suck things!"
608
00:38:18,546 --> 00:38:20,131
We argue a lot at home.
609
00:38:26,053 --> 00:38:28,264
So, when my mom said that, I thought,
610
00:38:28,347 --> 00:38:30,766
"My niece is three years old."
611
00:38:31,392 --> 00:38:34,061
"She's probably the size
of a Subway sandwich."
612
00:38:35,229 --> 00:38:38,733
"A bed for a child this size
shouldn't be expensive."
613
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:41,694
I said, "Mom, I'm swamped at work."
614
00:38:41,777 --> 00:38:45,197
"Pick a bed,
take my credit card and pay for it."
615
00:38:51,412 --> 00:38:52,705
There's nothing wrong
616
00:38:53,247 --> 00:38:55,833
in letting my mom
617
00:38:56,417 --> 00:38:57,752
borrow my credit card.
618
00:38:58,252 --> 00:39:00,588
Moms are sacred.
619
00:39:01,630 --> 00:39:05,301
My mom gave me life, breast-fed me,
doesn't suck cock anymore.
620
00:39:05,384 --> 00:39:06,302
Anyway…
621
00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,348
I have a deal with my bank.
622
00:39:10,431 --> 00:39:12,266
Whenever I swipe my credit card,
623
00:39:12,767 --> 00:39:16,103
the bank sends me a text,
so I know the mess I'm getting into.
624
00:39:16,187 --> 00:39:19,815
Like, "Do you really want to spend R$ 300
on a dwarf dressed as a Teletubby?"
625
00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:24,070
So, I was in a work meeting,
626
00:39:24,570 --> 00:39:25,821
Mom has my card,
627
00:39:26,322 --> 00:39:28,574
and I get the following message:
628
00:39:30,117 --> 00:39:31,577
"You've just spent
629
00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:36,207
R$ 1,200 at Tok&Stok."
630
00:39:39,085 --> 00:39:41,128
I thought, "Mom got mugged. Wait."
631
00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:43,422
"She was kidnapped. Unbelievable!"
632
00:39:43,506 --> 00:39:46,425
I'll call to check on her.
"Mom, are you all right?"
633
00:39:47,426 --> 00:39:48,594
"I'm great."
634
00:39:48,677 --> 00:39:52,890
"I got an intriguing text about Tok&Stok."
635
00:39:53,599 --> 00:39:56,268
"Did we just buy one of their stores?"
636
00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:02,900
"No, sucker. I just bought
your niece's bed, like I told you."
637
00:40:02,983 --> 00:40:03,818
"Mom,
638
00:40:04,485 --> 00:40:05,319
are you nuts?"
639
00:40:05,903 --> 00:40:08,656
"R$ 1,200 on a kid's bed?"
640
00:40:08,739 --> 00:40:10,157
"What happened?"
641
00:40:11,325 --> 00:40:15,079
"It's Elsa's bed. From Frozen."
642
00:40:16,038 --> 00:40:18,124
"Then fucking give it back to her!"
643
00:40:19,250 --> 00:40:20,292
"Are you crazy?"
644
00:40:25,089 --> 00:40:28,467
R$ 1,200 on a child's bed!
645
00:40:28,551 --> 00:40:32,471
My double bed didn't cost that much.
646
00:40:32,555 --> 00:40:35,057
And mine has a revolving door in it.
647
00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:38,894
"Mom, that makes no sense.
Return that fucker!"
648
00:40:38,978 --> 00:40:40,646
She said she couldn't do it.
649
00:40:40,729 --> 00:40:41,981
"So, I have no choice?"
650
00:40:42,064 --> 00:40:44,817
"I just bought Elsa's bed? From Frozen?"
651
00:40:45,317 --> 00:40:47,278
She said, "Congratulations!"
652
00:40:49,405 --> 00:40:51,615
"Okay, Mom."
653
00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:57,288
"If you can't return it,
I'll pay for it, but listen,
654
00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:00,040
I want to sit on this bed
655
00:41:00,541 --> 00:41:02,626
with a glass of scotch in my hand,
656
00:41:02,710 --> 00:41:06,797
and Elsa, that little whore,
better fart ice cubes in it."
657
00:41:08,174 --> 00:41:12,344
That kid will use that bed
until she's 80, I don't give a fuck!
658
00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:15,014
She'll lose her virginity in it.
659
00:41:15,097 --> 00:41:17,516
I want videos and pictures as proof.
660
00:41:18,058 --> 00:41:21,937
At some point,
I'll install a mirror on top of it
661
00:41:22,021 --> 00:41:25,232
and Elsa will lick me
with that icy tongue of hers.
662
00:41:36,410 --> 00:41:38,746
I said all that
663
00:41:39,288 --> 00:41:40,122
to my mom.
664
00:41:40,998 --> 00:41:42,708
I was spitting rage.
665
00:41:43,876 --> 00:41:44,710
Guys,
666
00:41:45,252 --> 00:41:46,462
I'm a comedienne.
667
00:41:47,213 --> 00:41:48,506
No one takes me seriously.
668
00:41:49,882 --> 00:41:52,301
I shouted all that to her,
669
00:41:52,384 --> 00:41:55,471
and she answered, "You're funny!"
670
00:42:03,062 --> 00:42:06,941
One year after the bed episode,
671
00:42:07,441 --> 00:42:09,818
I was still paying monthly installments
672
00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:12,988
and sticking pins into Elsa's voodoo doll.
673
00:42:14,490 --> 00:42:15,950
Carolina calls me. "Hi,
674
00:42:16,450 --> 00:42:17,701
I have good news!"
675
00:42:17,785 --> 00:42:20,079
"If you're pregnant again,
close those legs."
676
00:42:20,162 --> 00:42:23,832
"Whenever you pop out a kid, my BP
or my credit card bill skyrockets."
677
00:42:24,458 --> 00:42:26,001
She said, "It's not that."
678
00:42:26,502 --> 00:42:28,420
"I got a job."
679
00:42:28,504 --> 00:42:30,464
I go, "Will you pay me back for the bed?"
680
00:42:31,382 --> 00:42:34,552
She said, "You're funny!" I went…
681
00:42:38,681 --> 00:42:40,015
"I got a job,
682
00:42:40,099 --> 00:42:42,268
but it's not in Brazil."
683
00:42:42,351 --> 00:42:45,479
"The job is in Vietnam."
684
00:42:47,106 --> 00:42:48,065
I said, "Honey,
685
00:42:48,941 --> 00:42:51,110
aren't you an English teacher?
What happened?"
686
00:42:51,193 --> 00:42:52,736
"Someone burned Fisk down?"
687
00:42:53,946 --> 00:42:55,364
She hung up on me.
688
00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:02,288
Guys,
689
00:43:03,414 --> 00:43:05,332
Carolina, my sister,
690
00:43:05,874 --> 00:43:07,751
moved to Vietnam.
691
00:43:08,335 --> 00:43:10,004
Clara, my niece,
692
00:43:10,546 --> 00:43:13,173
moved to Vietnam.
693
00:43:14,049 --> 00:43:17,469
My only question was,
"What about the bed?"
694
00:43:18,220 --> 00:43:19,263
"Mom, and the bed?"
695
00:43:19,346 --> 00:43:23,642
"I tried, but it didn't fit in the plane."
I said, "They don't need a plane."
696
00:43:23,726 --> 00:43:26,770
"They can hop on the bed
and paddle all the way."
697
00:43:26,854 --> 00:43:29,440
"Cross the ocean!"
698
00:43:29,523 --> 00:43:31,400
"Moana did it!"
699
00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:44,038
Elsa's bed from Frozen
700
00:43:44,997 --> 00:43:46,332
is now at my mom's.
701
00:43:47,041 --> 00:43:49,043
A 65-year-old lady,
702
00:43:50,002 --> 00:43:52,755
who doesn't even know
which is the Disney Channel.
703
00:43:54,381 --> 00:43:55,257
Let it go.
704
00:43:58,218 --> 00:44:01,764
Six months
after my sister moved to Vietnam,
705
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:03,474
who calls me?
706
00:44:03,557 --> 00:44:05,976
The Call Center of Doom.
707
00:44:07,269 --> 00:44:08,103
"Hi, Mom."
708
00:44:09,021 --> 00:44:10,731
"Hi, darling!"
709
00:44:10,814 --> 00:44:12,483
I said, "I know that tone."
710
00:44:12,983 --> 00:44:16,195
"It's the tone of Satan's Telethon."
711
00:44:16,945 --> 00:44:18,947
"What do you want, Didi? Spew it!"
712
00:44:22,159 --> 00:44:23,327
"Your niece,
713
00:44:23,952 --> 00:44:25,454
I mean, your goddaughter,
714
00:44:25,954 --> 00:44:27,456
she needs
715
00:44:28,123 --> 00:44:29,792
a bicycle."
716
00:44:54,608 --> 00:44:56,652
I said, "To begin with,
717
00:44:56,735 --> 00:45:00,531
no kid really needs a bicycle."
718
00:45:01,031 --> 00:45:03,992
"Kids need oxygen,
sunlight, drinkable water."
719
00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:08,539
"That kid needs to come back to Brazil
and sleep on her bed."
720
00:45:10,249 --> 00:45:12,126
"Why does she need a bicycle?"
721
00:45:12,209 --> 00:45:14,044
"Is she working for Uber Eats?"
722
00:45:14,712 --> 00:45:16,380
She's four years old.
723
00:45:16,463 --> 00:45:18,716
"Does she have a fucking paper route?"
724
00:45:20,050 --> 00:45:21,593
My mom, "How insensitive!"
725
00:45:22,094 --> 00:45:26,265
"She needs a bicycle
'cause she can't make friends in Vietnam."
726
00:45:26,348 --> 00:45:29,435
I said, "She can play
with shrapnel for all I care."
727
00:45:30,728 --> 00:45:34,982
"No one touches my credit card.
Fucking family of scammers."
728
00:45:36,233 --> 00:45:37,693
I said all that to my mom.
729
00:45:38,485 --> 00:45:40,612
Five seconds later, I regretted it.
730
00:45:41,321 --> 00:45:44,032
My mom was yelling her heart out
at me on the phone.
731
00:45:44,533 --> 00:45:47,745
She hung up on me,
called back to hang up on me again.
732
00:45:49,288 --> 00:45:52,916
I said, "Okay, then.
How much is this little bike?"
733
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,836
"Please, remember
that I just asked for a quote."
734
00:45:55,919 --> 00:45:58,839
"I don't trust you anymore,
my so-called mother."
735
00:46:00,299 --> 00:46:01,467
She said, "How rude!"
736
00:46:02,301 --> 00:46:03,218
"I have the price."
737
00:46:03,927 --> 00:46:07,222
"But first, I need to tell you something."
738
00:46:10,476 --> 00:46:12,853
"Okay, lady, what's the scam now?"
739
00:46:14,521 --> 00:46:15,397
"Your niece
740
00:46:16,023 --> 00:46:18,859
was riding a rental bicycle in Vietnam,
741
00:46:19,485 --> 00:46:22,654
and she hurt her little foot
on the bicycle's chain."
742
00:46:23,155 --> 00:46:26,700
"What? Aren't feet supposed
to stay on the pedals?"
743
00:46:28,202 --> 00:46:31,914
"What kind of dumb kid is she
that can't even ride a bicycle?"
744
00:46:31,997 --> 00:46:34,833
Mom said, "Shut up! It was an accident."
745
00:46:35,334 --> 00:46:38,420
"Your niece was riding the bicycle,
746
00:46:39,588 --> 00:46:40,839
and she fell asleep."
747
00:46:56,271 --> 00:46:57,981
Hey!
748
00:46:58,482 --> 00:47:00,526
"Wait a second."
749
00:47:20,170 --> 00:47:22,506
"That makes no fucking sense."
750
00:47:22,589 --> 00:47:25,926
"You're telling me a 4-year-old kid
fell asleep on a moving bicycle?"
751
00:47:26,009 --> 00:47:30,013
"You're telling me
I spent 1,200 bucks on Elsa's bed
752
00:47:30,097 --> 00:47:33,016
when that kid can fucking sleep anywhere?"
753
00:47:35,269 --> 00:47:38,981
Then Mom gave me the price
754
00:47:39,815 --> 00:47:42,943
for a bicycle with a chain guard
755
00:47:43,443 --> 00:47:46,530
for dumb sleepyheads.
756
00:47:49,408 --> 00:47:52,452
R$ 1,500
757
00:47:53,161 --> 00:47:55,998
for a bicycle this size. I said, "Mom,
758
00:47:56,999 --> 00:47:59,418
why are we spoiling that child so much?"
759
00:47:59,918 --> 00:48:02,254
When Carolina and I were kids,
760
00:48:02,337 --> 00:48:03,797
we had fucking nothing.
761
00:48:04,339 --> 00:48:07,467
I wore only one brand of clothes
called Carla.
762
00:48:09,136 --> 00:48:10,971
Carla is my oldest cousin.
763
00:48:13,432 --> 00:48:15,851
I'm the youngest of six cousins.
764
00:48:15,934 --> 00:48:18,103
The clothes bounced down
from cousin to cousin.
765
00:48:18,186 --> 00:48:21,273
By the time they got to me,
they had 1% battery life.
766
00:48:22,107 --> 00:48:24,693
White T-shirts had armpits so yellow
767
00:48:25,193 --> 00:48:27,362
they looked anemic. Seriously.
768
00:48:27,946 --> 00:48:29,823
We washed them in folic acid.
769
00:48:31,491 --> 00:48:35,370
Like my niece, I also got something out
of a fairy tale as a kid.
770
00:48:35,454 --> 00:48:36,997
The Emperor's new clothes.
771
00:48:39,875 --> 00:48:40,709
I said, "Mom."
772
00:48:47,382 --> 00:48:48,216
"Why, Mom?"
773
00:48:48,717 --> 00:48:52,346
"Why are we spoiling that kid so much?"
774
00:48:52,429 --> 00:48:56,725
Mom said, "Because she's special.
She's a polyglot."
775
00:48:57,225 --> 00:48:59,811
I said, "She isn't."
She said, "She is too."
776
00:48:59,895 --> 00:49:01,939
I said, "I don't know what that means!"
777
00:49:03,523 --> 00:49:04,691
Then she explained.
778
00:49:04,775 --> 00:49:09,529
"Your 4-year-old nice can speak
Portuguese, English and Vietnamese."
779
00:49:09,613 --> 00:49:10,739
I said, "No way."
780
00:49:11,949 --> 00:49:13,951
"She wouldn't dare."
781
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:19,831
Who does she think she is,
being smart in a family of dumb people?
782
00:49:20,457 --> 00:49:22,084
That's why she can't make friends.
783
00:49:22,167 --> 00:49:24,461
Fucking stuck-up brat!
784
00:49:25,003 --> 00:49:27,631
I bet she sits in front of the class.
785
00:49:27,714 --> 00:49:30,842
Tell her to sit in the back,
fail three years in a row,
786
00:49:30,926 --> 00:49:35,180
sell dope, and see
how many friends she'll make.
787
00:49:35,889 --> 00:49:37,307
Polyglot, my ass!
788
00:49:37,391 --> 00:49:40,394
I'm a polyglot.
I speak Portuguese and a lot of shit.
789
00:49:40,477 --> 00:49:45,065
I speak slang. I talk to Ventura
and I understand what he says.
790
00:49:53,365 --> 00:49:56,743
I was pissed off.
I video called my sister in Vietnam.
791
00:49:56,827 --> 00:49:58,078
She answered. I said,
792
00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:00,372
"Let me talk to that fucking snotty,
793
00:50:00,455 --> 00:50:02,290
stuck-up, bratty, sleepy,
794
00:50:02,374 --> 00:50:03,750
fucking polyglot,
795
00:50:03,834 --> 00:50:05,460
goddamn special kid."
796
00:50:06,545 --> 00:50:09,214
"She speaks Vietnamese,
but can't ride a bike?"
797
00:50:11,008 --> 00:50:12,968
She called my niece. So cute.
798
00:50:13,051 --> 00:50:15,595
The snotty brat held up her mom's iPhone,
799
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:17,597
closed all the apps.
800
00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:21,601
I hate those hi-tech kids.
It's like their mom's pussy had Wi-Fi.
801
00:50:23,311 --> 00:50:24,187
She said,
802
00:50:24,688 --> 00:50:25,647
"Hi, Dinda Bru."
803
00:50:25,731 --> 00:50:27,733
I said, "So you're the big shot,
804
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,777
the big fucking polyglot and all, huh?"
805
00:50:31,445 --> 00:50:33,238
Fucking snotty, stuck-up,
806
00:50:33,321 --> 00:50:34,990
bratty, goddamn special
807
00:50:35,073 --> 00:50:36,324
fucking polyglot kid.
808
00:50:36,408 --> 00:50:40,579
"Speak Vietnamese now.
Aren't you the big shot?"
809
00:50:40,662 --> 00:50:43,081
"Speak Vietnamese now."
810
00:50:45,083 --> 00:50:45,917
She did.
811
00:50:49,296 --> 00:50:52,716
She put the phone on the stand,
looked me right in the eye…
812
00:50:57,304 --> 00:50:58,138
I was like…
813
00:50:58,972 --> 00:51:00,974
This kid's taking me for a ride!
814
00:51:01,975 --> 00:51:04,394
It was like the cartoon where Pingu goes…
815
00:51:13,236 --> 00:51:14,780
Polyglot, my ass!
816
00:51:31,588 --> 00:51:34,424
I told you my mom has a temper, didn't I?
817
00:51:35,884 --> 00:51:36,718
I bought it!
818
00:51:37,928 --> 00:51:39,596
R$ 1,500 for a bicycle.
819
00:51:39,679 --> 00:51:42,474
I got a video of my niece
riding her bike in Vietnam.
820
00:51:43,767 --> 00:51:45,644
I go, "1,500!"
821
00:51:47,270 --> 00:51:51,108
I called my Mom.
"Mom, adding up the bed and the bicycle,
822
00:51:51,191 --> 00:51:54,528
I've spent 2,700 reais
823
00:51:54,611 --> 00:51:57,155
on a child I didn't even make."
824
00:51:58,907 --> 00:52:01,409
"All that money gives me the right
825
00:52:01,493 --> 00:52:04,454
to go on stage anywhere, tell this story,
826
00:52:04,538 --> 00:52:07,457
and call my sister a fucking cunt."
827
00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:10,752
"In front of the entire country!"
828
00:52:14,422 --> 00:52:16,716
And now it's on Netflix!
829
00:52:19,594 --> 00:52:20,428
Thanks.
830
00:52:21,638 --> 00:52:22,722
The problem…
831
00:52:25,350 --> 00:52:29,646
The problem with saying that on Netflix
is that my whole family will see it.
832
00:52:30,355 --> 00:52:31,982
You can even see it in Vietnam!
833
00:52:32,649 --> 00:52:36,403
And I'm afraid of their reaction.
I think I'll lose my family.
834
00:52:37,821 --> 00:52:40,782
Thinking about that,
I called my therapist.
835
00:52:41,283 --> 00:52:42,242
"Doc,
836
00:52:42,826 --> 00:52:45,453
what about that idea
of looking for my dad?"
837
00:52:48,039 --> 00:52:50,750
Can you believe
I went looking for the bastard?
838
00:53:01,636 --> 00:53:04,347
I didn't have any contact with him,
839
00:53:04,431 --> 00:53:07,642
but I remembered his daughter
follows me on Instagram.
840
00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:09,352
My half-sister.
841
00:53:09,936 --> 00:53:11,521
Half-sister is funny.
842
00:53:11,605 --> 00:53:14,107
Like she's half sister, half four cheese.
843
00:53:15,150 --> 00:53:18,820
The things that go through my mind
when I'm settling family matters.
844
00:53:20,739 --> 00:53:23,992
I texted her. I'd never talked to her.
845
00:53:24,075 --> 00:53:26,036
I said, "Hi!"
846
00:53:26,912 --> 00:53:27,954
"Listen,
847
00:53:28,038 --> 00:53:34,669
do you have your dad's,
my dad's, our dad's number?"
848
00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:36,338
Your ass!
849
00:53:40,342 --> 00:53:41,760
Of course, she did.
850
00:53:42,969 --> 00:53:44,888
She was raised by her dad.
851
00:53:45,639 --> 00:53:46,973
Her dad was there
852
00:53:47,724 --> 00:53:48,683
her whole life.
853
00:53:50,852 --> 00:53:55,523
Spoiled brat! It's easy when Daddy is
at home, right, you fuck?
854
00:53:55,607 --> 00:53:58,985
Try living life with an absent father,
you piece of shit!
855
00:53:59,527 --> 00:54:02,155
I'm okay. She answered quickly.
856
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,616
She said, "Hi, sis."
857
00:54:04,699 --> 00:54:06,785
"Here's Dad's number."
858
00:54:06,868 --> 00:54:08,328
"Good luck."
859
00:54:09,871 --> 00:54:11,998
People raised with love piss me off.
860
00:54:15,001 --> 00:54:17,337
So I had my dad's number.
861
00:54:17,837 --> 00:54:20,298
I didn't even know how to save it.
862
00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:21,967
Dad? Daddy? Nemo?
863
00:54:34,729 --> 00:54:36,147
I saved it as Dad.
864
00:54:36,231 --> 00:54:37,983
Then I read on his WhatsApp
865
00:54:38,066 --> 00:54:40,819
"last seen, 1984."
866
00:54:41,945 --> 00:54:43,405
I said, "Goddamn bum."
867
00:54:45,448 --> 00:54:47,242
I joke about it,
868
00:54:47,325 --> 00:54:49,786
but that was a difficult moment for me,
869
00:54:49,869 --> 00:54:53,373
because those were the first words
I'd say to my dad,
870
00:54:53,456 --> 00:54:55,458
and I didn't know what to say.
871
00:54:55,542 --> 00:54:57,711
So I let my heart speak,
872
00:54:58,545 --> 00:55:01,214
and the only words I could type were:
873
00:55:01,298 --> 00:55:03,466
"Howdy, stranger!"
874
00:55:13,643 --> 00:55:15,478
I texted: "Hi, Dad."
875
00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:19,107
"My name is Bruna. I'm your daughter."
876
00:55:19,607 --> 00:55:20,442
Emoji.
877
00:55:21,276 --> 00:55:23,236
Emojis are great for breaking the ice.
878
00:55:23,778 --> 00:55:24,696
He answered.
879
00:55:25,363 --> 00:55:26,406
He said,
880
00:55:27,741 --> 00:55:28,867
"Hi, daughter."
881
00:55:31,244 --> 00:55:32,370
I was like, "Gee!"
882
00:55:33,288 --> 00:55:35,623
"Now I have a dad!"
883
00:55:35,707 --> 00:55:37,959
"Now I'm Daddy's little princess!"
884
00:55:38,043 --> 00:55:40,170
"I can't date drug dealers anymore."
885
00:55:41,463 --> 00:55:42,505
Kidding. I can.
886
00:55:44,591 --> 00:55:46,968
Then I got real with him. I said,
887
00:55:47,552 --> 00:55:49,179
"Dad, I need to meet you
888
00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:53,308
because after you left,
no cock has ever gone up."
889
00:55:54,309 --> 00:55:56,311
"Long story, I'll tell you later."
890
00:55:57,145 --> 00:55:58,605
"And my therapist says
891
00:55:58,688 --> 00:56:01,649
I need to meet you
because I'm a little freaky
892
00:56:02,484 --> 00:56:03,735
and a little crazy."
893
00:56:04,444 --> 00:56:07,572
"She said it was wrong to run over my ex
894
00:56:09,032 --> 00:56:10,658
and stab another."
895
00:56:11,659 --> 00:56:12,702
Crimes.
896
00:56:13,787 --> 00:56:14,788
That's so sexist.
897
00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:20,335
"So I have traumas because you left."
898
00:56:20,418 --> 00:56:23,296
"In short, I'm crazy,
and it's your fault. Emoji."
899
00:56:26,132 --> 00:56:28,635
He said, "If you want to meet me,
900
00:56:29,135 --> 00:56:31,388
I still live in the same town
901
00:56:32,138 --> 00:56:33,056
you were born in."
902
00:56:33,139 --> 00:56:35,934
I said, "Fuck!
We really suck at searching."
903
00:56:36,935 --> 00:56:40,355
It's such a small town.
Everybody knows everybody.
904
00:56:40,438 --> 00:56:43,274
You know where Candyman lives.
905
00:56:43,358 --> 00:56:45,693
Cousins fuck each other
for lack of options.
906
00:56:45,777 --> 00:56:47,612
My family is like that.
907
00:56:47,695 --> 00:56:49,823
My family tree is a grapevine.
908
00:56:51,574 --> 00:56:55,036
My aunt still lives there.
The lesbian. Yes.
909
00:56:55,870 --> 00:56:57,997
We call her Aunt Butch.
910
00:57:00,583 --> 00:57:03,044
I called Aunt Butch and said…
911
00:57:03,128 --> 00:57:04,546
You like Aunt Butch, huh?
912
00:57:06,798 --> 00:57:07,632
Aunt Butch.
913
00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:14,180
I said, "I'll meet my dad."
914
00:57:14,264 --> 00:57:16,808
She said she'd help me. So, there I went.
915
00:57:17,475 --> 00:57:20,937
I was nervous. Aunt Butch was nervous.
916
00:57:21,938 --> 00:57:24,649
We got to the rendezvous before my dad.
917
00:57:24,732 --> 00:57:27,360
I was so anxious,
I thought about giving up.
918
00:57:28,236 --> 00:57:31,656
I said, "Aunt Butch,
I'm off to buy cigarettes."
919
00:57:32,490 --> 00:57:34,617
Then I remembered I don't smoke. Fuck.
920
00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:36,286
A car stopped.
921
00:57:37,245 --> 00:57:38,455
It was my dad's car.
922
00:57:38,997 --> 00:57:41,875
I admit the first thing I checked
was the model.
923
00:57:42,375 --> 00:57:44,961
Just to know what I'd been missing.
924
00:57:45,628 --> 00:57:48,465
It was a junker.
Wouldn't get to Disney World in that.
925
00:57:50,967 --> 00:57:52,218
He got out of his car
926
00:57:52,719 --> 00:57:54,387
with his eyes full of tears.
927
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:56,014
I said, "Dad,
928
00:57:56,806 --> 00:57:57,974
are you crying?"
929
00:57:59,184 --> 00:58:00,894
He said, "No, I'm drunk."
930
00:58:01,936 --> 00:58:03,855
That's what I'm talking about!
931
00:58:03,938 --> 00:58:06,065
He proved he's my dad!
932
00:58:07,317 --> 00:58:09,861
It's crazy to know your father
after a long time.
933
00:58:09,944 --> 00:58:12,197
It's very difficult to forgive someone
934
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:14,365
who's abandoned you.
935
00:58:14,449 --> 00:58:17,243
But at the same time,
it was cool seeing in him
936
00:58:17,327 --> 00:58:22,040
traits I have, and I didn't know
where they came from, you know?
937
00:58:22,123 --> 00:58:25,793
I saw in my dad the recklessness,
938
00:58:25,877 --> 00:58:28,922
the alcoholism, the sex addiction.
939
00:58:29,589 --> 00:58:31,633
I really came from that crotch!
940
00:58:32,842 --> 00:58:35,261
I felt welcomed, at home, comfortable.
941
00:58:36,304 --> 00:58:37,388
I was so happy
942
00:58:37,472 --> 00:58:39,807
that I wanted to thank the people
943
00:58:39,891 --> 00:58:41,559
who helped me get there.
944
00:58:42,310 --> 00:58:44,020
So I called my half-sister
945
00:58:44,521 --> 00:58:45,813
to thank her. I said,
946
00:58:45,897 --> 00:58:48,691
"Guess who has a daddy now, bitch!"
947
00:58:49,192 --> 00:58:51,903
I put my dad in my car
and drove by an orphanage.
948
00:58:51,986 --> 00:58:54,948
"I have a daddy, and you don't!"
949
00:58:58,743 --> 00:59:00,453
Then, I went back to therapy.
950
00:59:04,082 --> 00:59:05,416
When I got there,
951
00:59:06,167 --> 00:59:08,461
my therapist said, "Bruna, seriously,
952
00:59:09,629 --> 00:59:11,714
no need to hide behind your jokes."
953
00:59:12,298 --> 00:59:14,926
"What did it feel like meeting your dad?"
954
00:59:16,219 --> 00:59:21,140
I said, "Doc, I don't know why,
but meeting my dad made me reconsider
955
00:59:21,724 --> 00:59:22,600
and reevaluate
956
00:59:23,226 --> 00:59:24,852
all my past relationships,
957
00:59:25,853 --> 00:59:27,480
and I concluded
958
00:59:28,731 --> 00:59:29,732
that I feel sorry
959
00:59:30,733 --> 00:59:33,111
for all my exes."
960
00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:35,780
One for running him over,
961
00:59:36,739 --> 00:59:38,366
the other for stabbing him,
962
00:59:38,866 --> 00:59:41,953
but I feel sorry for all of them,
because I'm sure
963
00:59:42,495 --> 00:59:46,374
that I'll never go out
with any one of them again.
964
00:59:47,083 --> 00:59:50,878
And if you're thinking,
"The girl has great self-esteem."
965
00:59:50,962 --> 00:59:53,673
Yes, I had to work hard on it,
966
00:59:53,756 --> 00:59:57,051
because every man
who passed through my life,
967
00:59:57,135 --> 00:59:58,511
made me feel like shit.
968
00:59:59,053 --> 01:00:02,390
One broke up with me
because I wasn't pretty enough,
969
01:00:02,473 --> 01:00:04,183
I wasn't sexually attractive.
970
01:00:04,267 --> 01:00:07,186
I liked a guy
who didn't even want to meet me
971
01:00:07,270 --> 01:00:09,856
just because he was dating
Grazi Massafera.
972
01:00:20,783 --> 01:00:24,203
And, because I never spent
a lot of time on any relationship,
973
01:00:24,287 --> 01:00:27,457
I ended up dedicating
my whole time and attention,
974
01:00:27,540 --> 01:00:29,250
my love, my commitment,
975
01:00:29,334 --> 01:00:31,961
to someone
whom I know won't ever leave me.
976
01:00:32,629 --> 01:00:33,463
Myself.
977
01:00:34,005 --> 01:00:37,425
And that commitment
allowed me to be on this stage,
978
01:00:37,508 --> 01:00:39,260
look at you, and say,
979
01:00:39,844 --> 01:00:43,806
"I've fulfilled most of my dreams."
980
01:00:43,890 --> 01:00:47,101
Today I play to sold-out audiences,
I have thousands of followers,
981
01:00:47,185 --> 01:00:48,561
and I'm filthy rich.
982
01:00:49,270 --> 01:00:51,356
And I am the first Brazilian woman
983
01:00:51,439 --> 01:00:57,153
to have a comedy special on Netflix.
984
01:01:15,254 --> 01:01:19,384
I wanted to tell you that,
especially to you, women.
985
01:01:20,051 --> 01:01:23,012
I wanted to deliver that message
especially to you.
986
01:01:23,096 --> 01:01:27,850
Not to tell you girls to stay single.
It's not about that.
987
01:01:27,934 --> 01:01:30,103
I just want you to never forget
988
01:01:30,186 --> 01:01:34,148
that society still pressures us a lot
989
01:01:34,232 --> 01:01:35,858
into having a relationship,
990
01:01:35,942 --> 01:01:38,820
as if that were the main goal
in our lives.
991
01:01:38,903 --> 01:01:42,073
As if not having a relationship
992
01:01:42,156 --> 01:01:43,491
were a failure.
993
01:01:43,574 --> 01:01:47,412
And that makes us submit ourselves
to things we shouldn't accept.
994
01:01:47,495 --> 01:01:50,707
That makes us want to fit
into spaces we can't fit into,
995
01:01:50,790 --> 01:01:53,126
so we have to diminish ourselves
because of that.
996
01:01:53,209 --> 01:01:56,587
Women, there are
so many other things we can pursue.
997
01:01:57,130 --> 01:02:00,091
We can have much more than a job.
998
01:02:00,174 --> 01:02:02,510
We can have a career.
999
01:02:02,593 --> 01:02:03,511
So,
1000
01:02:04,011 --> 01:02:05,430
when you fall in love,
1001
01:02:06,013 --> 01:02:09,392
do fall in love,
surrender to it, get involved,
1002
01:02:09,934 --> 01:02:11,978
but don't you ever forget
1003
01:02:12,562 --> 01:02:16,065
to love yourselves in the first place.
1004
01:02:17,233 --> 01:02:18,067
Guys,
1005
01:02:31,539 --> 01:02:32,665
I told
1006
01:02:34,125 --> 01:02:35,126
all that
1007
01:02:36,544 --> 01:02:37,545
to my therapist.
1008
01:02:40,882 --> 01:02:43,092
She looked me in the eyes and said,
1009
01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:44,510
"You're funny!"
1010
01:02:46,012 --> 01:02:48,723
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen!
1011
01:02:50,391 --> 01:02:52,143
Thank you!
1012
01:02:57,565 --> 01:02:58,983
Thank you very much.
1013
01:03:02,945 --> 01:03:04,989
That's it, Netflix. We got it!
1014
01:05:23,085 --> 01:05:25,796
Special Thanks
To Mom, who raised me by herself
1015
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:29,842
and has to hear me talking about my dad
in my first Netflix special.
1016
01:05:30,343 --> 01:05:35,348
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