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The boom slang was stolen from the zoo last night.
It's extremely dangerous.
Father.
Any news on my grandson?
No change.
He hasn't woken up.
A father's job is to protect his family.
When wataru was on that roof...
When he was pushed...
Where was his father?
Wataru is lucky.
You never know what horrible fate
your bad luck has saved you from.
Thank you for taking the job on such short notice.
I am ready. You are getting the new and improved me.
Since I've been working with Barry,
I am experiencing a calm like never before. Never.
Like, I'm less reactive to situations,
I'm more accepting of people's shortcomings.
I was a little uncertain about coming back to work, but it's like Barry says:
You put peace out in the world, you get peace back.
I think your new therapist might be forgetting
what you do for a living, little ladybug.
- Ladybug? - Your new operational name.
- Ladybug? Really? - You don't like it?
- Do you like it? - I like it.
Well, if you like it, all right.
Oh, I see what you're doing. Ladybugs are supposed to be lucky.
- You don't have bad luck. - Really?
My bad luck is biblical. I'm not even trying to kill people and someone dies.
That's an exaggeration.
It is? My last job?
- The political blackmail photos? - I voted for you.
Remember the suicidal bellboy climbed the roof of his hotel,
couldn't take it anymore?
Seems more like his bad luck than yours.
Hang in there, buddy!
And he didn't die.
Okay? You drove him to the hospital. It's good luck.
- All in how you frame it. - Sure.
Gotta say I like it here. I could live here.
I like the atmosphere, the people are considerate...
Except for that guy.
Why is this job paying so well?
It was supposed to be carver's, but he's got some stomach thing.
- Carver? - And he doesn't do snatch-and-grabs.
I'm filling in for carver? You picked me second to carver?
You said you wanted simple for your first job back.
Doesn't get simpler.
- Shit. - Shit what?
I think I must have lost the key when that guy bumped into me.
- What's the number again? - 523.
Carver.
What an ego.
I mean, talk about a candidate for self-improvement.
Calling in sick? I mean, what is that, high school?
I can hear that personal growth.
I know I'm being judgmental. I need to work on that.
But, Jesus, what a douche bag.
You have the strangest requests. Firecrackers?
I'm industrious.
Please tell me you didn't order the sleeping powder.
Nope.
You almost gave that bodyguard in Anchorage a heart attack.
I've worked on the dosage.
Take the gun.
Ticket please.
Thank you for using our train.
First class is that way.
- I'm gonna assume you didn't take the gun? - Barry says every conflict
is an opportunity for a peaceful... What was it?
And your handler says some conflicts require a gun.
Shit.
Okay, I'm on.
Well, that's a start.
Hey, this is nice.
Economy?
I'm thinking of starting my own agency. You know, all simple jobs, all the time.
That's a terrible business plan.
No more sociopaths, no more maniacs. Just quality people.
Barry says it's time for some change. I think he's right.
Barry does not know what you do for a living.
Okay, here we go. The bullet train has 16 cars.
Ten economy, six first-class,
and remember, only one minute stop at every station.
Bloody fuckin' hell. Do you mind?
What is he, fucking blind or something?
Come on. No, you don't have to Nick the biscuits, man.
Oh, no. You all right? Okay, cool.
- Fucking asshole. - Thank you.
Why'd I do that?
It's like I got a compulsion or something. I have to take it if I see it.
Need to talk to someone. Serious.
A goldfish biscuit? I mean, I don't understand it.
Okay, simple snatch-and-grab. What am I snatching and/or grabbing?
A briefcase. Intel says there's a train sticker on the handle.
Briefcases have owners. Owners are not simple.
And the last update says the owners will be in economy class.
Owners, plural? Why didn't you tell me to bring that gun?
I did. You chose spiritual enlightenment.
Chiketto, please.
Ticket.
Hold on.
Ah, no, no. Receipt.
Shit, I think I dropped my ticket, too.
That receipt shows I bought a ticket, though, right?
One stop.
Yep.
I thought they bowed here.
I pushed him. First class, seat b4
Sorry, kid. I'm looking for...
You found her.
- Oh, lemon. - Tangerine.
You're bleeding, mate.
Oh, mate, shit. Oh, shit, man.
Who the fuck did I kill?
- Get a wet one on it or something. - It's not mine, mate.
- Oh, it's not yours? - Yeah. I don't bleed.
In that case, leave your jacket open, let everyone have a good old look.
- Yeah, I want everyone to see my tie. - Fuck is wrong with you?
Pull your coat together so no one else notices, lemon.
I think they'll notice the childish code names first.
But if we're gonna stick with fruit, why not apple or orange?
So, what's in this case?
Are we doing this?
You know what's in the case.
Money. It's always money.
Tangerines are sophisticated.
Now he's callin' a fruit sophisticated.
Yeah, it's cross-hybridized with other fruit.
They're adaptable. Like me.
You said six cars in economy,
say 30 passengers per car,
guessing two bags per, let's see, times two and you carry...
Yeah, no fuckin' way I'm gonna find one brie...
- Wait. - What?
- Train sticker on the handle? - Yeah.
Holy shitbox.
- And why am I lemon? - Because you're sour.
- No one likes lemons. - That's bollocks, mate.
Lemonades, lemon drops.
- You got a sore throat? - Lemon meringue pie.
When's the last time you ate lemon meringue pie?
- Lemon drizzle cake. - I'm sorry, are you talking about lemons?
- I have the case. - Well, that's great.
- Is it? - Yes.
- What's the catch? - There is a no catch.
- There's always a catch. - Get off the train.
Quite like lemons. I just hate code names.
Oh, well, look at this. Sleeping beauty.
- Wakey, wakey. - Eggs and bakey.
Where am I?
You're safe now. Your father sent us.
You idiots work for my father?
Ooh, easy, we could deliver you back to your pops in a box.
Technically, we're outside contractors.
I'm tangerine. He's lemon.
Like the fruit?
- You ever watch Thomas the tank engine? - Here we go.
Hey, you watch something nowadays, what is it, huh? Nothing.
It's twists, violence, drama, no message.
What's the point? Huh?
What are we supposed to learn?
Everything I learned about people I learned from Thomas.
- You bring your sticker book, did ya? - You know I always bring my stickers.
Take tangerine here. He's a Gordon. This blue one.
And Gordon is the strongest, the most important.
But he doesn't always listen to others.
What's that, now?
I mean, some people are Edwards. Wise, kind.
Some are Henrys. Hard-working, strong.
Some people are diesels.
Fuck me!
Those are trouble.
You, though...
Yeah, you seem like a Percy.
Young.
Sweet.
Not all there.
You finished, both of you?
- Yeah. - Right. Your daddy
hired us to get you out of the trouble you got yourself into, naughty boy.
- Why are you tangerine, though? - Oh, it's sophisticated, mate.
Oh, fuckin' hell. It's not important, is it?
What is important are the 17 dead bodies we left
getting you back from the triad that kidnapped you
with the plans to ransom you to your extremely psychotic fucked-up father.
Actually, it's 16.
What's that, now?
- Sixteen kills, mate. - No, it was 17.
- It's 16. - Seven.
You're startin' to get on my fucking tits.
- Sixteen. - I'll smash my fucking head
- through a brick wall. - Maybe that'd help your memory
'cause it was 16.
It was 17, goddamn it. I wanna fucking strangle you now.
Do you mind if we do this right now?
One.
Two, three.
Five guys playing poker.
Keep moving!
- Big guy. - Yeah, big guy.
Sometime today!
Ten.
Three assholes with swords.
Fucking get it. Fuck!
Why do you always bring swords?
Fucking triad. You would, wouldn't ya?
You son of a bitch!
I like swords, actually.
Looks like it's time for a Jaffa cake.
How about a wagon wheel?
Oh, that works.
Swing!
Fourteen, fifteen.
And the prick on the motorcycle.
- So 16. - You forgot the poor,
- innocent civilian on the street. - The fuck you...?
Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy, you okay? Oh, my...
Shit. That wasn't our fault.
- Wasn't our fault? - No.
Well, what would Thomas the tank engine say, lemon?
That's really mean.
He'd say, "hey, take responsibility, mate."
He doesn't sound like that.
Gonna put a little distance between me and the owners.
- Are you nervous? - Yeah, I'm nervous.
- You sound nervous. - Because I am, in fact, nervous.
Hey, listen, I'm just gonna get off at the next stop.
Oh, let's have a seat, then, huh?
Do you know what they call your papushka?
Course I fucking do.
The white death. Not exactly a fruit.
No. There you go.
There's a story... Stop me if you've heard it.
Where this woman found herself
in the unfortunate position of owing your father a tidy sum of money.
Now, the issue was it took her some time to acquire this money.
But she did pay it back five minutes late, didn't she?
- Yeah, what'd he do? - Cut her arm off.
- Fuckin' hell! - Yeah.
He said she owed him a finger for every minute.
He's not a monster. He didn't make her sit through it five times.
He just cut once, didn't he?
- This is too easy. - You're over thinking it.
- You're under thinking it. - It's not a word.
- Yes, it is. - Really?
I think it is.
- Did you Google it? - Doesn't matter.
What would Barry say?
Barry would say, "a negative outlook leads to a negative outcome."
Wow. How much do you pay him again?
Our job is to keep you safe
and to recover the briefcase with the ransom money inside.
And I plan on completin' my job and keeping...
Lemon. Where's the briefcase?
Oh, I stashed it.
The case, lemon.
Go get me the fucking case.
You're a liability, you know? To my father.
He doesn't need a reason to kill people like you.
He needs a reason not to.
Does he have one?
That's fucking confusin'.
- Hello? - Do you have white death's son?
You mean this dickhead with the silly face tattoos?
- He's sat right here. - And the briefcase?
Yes, of course, I've got the case.
You will both deboard at Kyoto station.
Then your business with him will be concluded.
It was just here.
Well, it's not anymore.
We need to find the person who took that case.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe my luck is starting to turn.
You.
Yes.
Me.
But you are yuichi kimura.
And you came here to kill me.
My parents call me malen'kiy prints.
That means little prince. Obviously, they wanted a boy.
You're going to want to hear the whole story.
Or you'll be very, very sorry.
It's the hospital.
Hang on.
Hi. Yes, you can see the boy now.
Good. If you don't hear from me every ten minutes
or if I don't answer this phone when you call,
I want you to go in there and kill...
I'm sorry, what's your boy's name again?
Wataru.
Right. Right.
Kill wataru.
Aren't we glad we waited?
We got his son. That was our job.
Our job was to come back with his son and his $10 million.
Three words describe our situation right now.
- Do you know what they are? - Sure do. Saved... his... son.
Family's more important than money, right?
Do you honestly not know who the white death is?
I know the white death. You just told me 5 minutes ago.
Why do I even bother forwarding you the briefings?
I do not know.
The Japanese underworld used to be ruled by a man named minegishi.
Now, minegishi was one brutal bastard.
But he was old-school, you know?
Tradition and loyalty was all that mattered to him.
When you were in, you were in. You were like family.
He treated you like you were one of his own.
Then out of the blue comes this 6-foot-fucking-6 geezer from Russia.
Whispers that he was exiled from the Russian mafia or that he was ex-kgb.
No one really knows the truth.
But what is known is this Russian
worked his way up the ranks.
Bit by bit. Kill by kill.
And very, very fucking quickly became one of minegishi's closest advisors.
And those loyal to him said:
"Hold your horses. This geezer ain't the full ticket.
He ain't to be trusted."
"He's dangerous," they said.
"A modern plague," they said.
"A white death."
So, sure enough, they were right.
He made his own alliance.
His own gang.
And what'd he do?
Stabbed him in the back.
I mean, metaphorically. He blew his fucking brains out, didn't he?
He wiped the name minegishi off the face of the earth in one single night.
And made an empire worthy of the white death.
So, let me put this bluntly.
There's this soulless psychotic leader
with the largest criminal organization on the planet
shoved right inside our fucking ass cheeks.
That motherfucker's definitely a diesel, then, isn't he?
If you mention Thomas the tank engine one more time
- I'm gonna shoot you in the fucking face. - Okay, if he's such a badass,
how come he hired two random operators instead of getting his son back himself?
If you actually read the briefings you'd know that he had a wife.
What, he had a wife?
She was the most important fucking thing in his life, and she died.
Drunk driving accident or some shit.
And now he's at the compound. He ain't left since.
An unnamed locomotive might say there's a lesson to be learned.
And he didn't hire two random operators, lemon.
No, he asked for the best.
He asked for the two responsible for the Bolivia job.
He asked for pros who wouldn't fuck up.
Three words, lemon.
- We are... - Fucked.
What do you want?
People think that I'm just some young girl.
Someone's future wife...
Or future mother.
But I'm not in someone else's story.
You're all in mine.
The fuck does that have to do with me?
You work for the most feared boss in the city: The white death.
Oh, deny it all you want.
But you work for someone who works for someone else, et cetera, et cetera,
and it all falls under the same person.
You delivered a briefcase two days ago
to one of the white death's associates,
and I saw my opportunity.
Follow the case and find the white death.
I don't know what you think I can do for you.
Oh, that is my favorite part of the story.
You're going to kill him for me.
How the fuck am I going to kill the white death?
You'll see.
Oh, look at that.
We are right on schedule.
Sit back, relax a little bit. You look so tense.
We rescued his fucking son.
We find the fucker who took the briefcase, make things right,
be like it never happened.
You still got that vest on ya?
No, vests give you a false sense of security.
You might, like, get shot in the neck.
It also stops you from getting shot in the chest,
but I guess you missed that episode of Thomas.
I really must've, because that sounds dark as shit.
Nut up or shut up, bruv.
Well, so, slight change of plans.
First his wife, now his son?
That's a lot of white deaths.
I want you to be strong, son. Do you understand?
Be strong.
My heart.
No!
Find me the son of a bitch who did this.
You lucky son of a bitch.
You stabbed me?!
- You ruined my life. - I don't even know you!
I come here for revenge.
The assassin who killed El saguaro killed my wife.
But fate made this a two for one special.
Can we just take a time-out here? Talk this out?
I will never stop coming for you.
What?
Run as far as you like. I will find you.
Why?
And I will ruin your life the way you ruined mine!
Dude, I don't even know you!
My heart.
What the...?
Wow. Really?
Let this be a lesson in the toxicity of anger.
Venezuela, Uruguay, Barcelona.
Who are you?
All passengers: We'll make a brief stop
- at shin Yokohama. - All right, mate, try these.
- They're them momonga glasses. - The fuck is a momonga?
Comes on after Thomas every Thursday.
- Okay. - It's good.
- Just like that. - He should look asleep. There, like that.
Wasabi.
We gotta make sure he doesn't step a foot off this train.
You see the case, deal with whoever has it.
All right, how do I do that? Talk to him, or, like, talk to him?
Why don't you tell him about the story about how Gordon met Percy
and how Percy's now bleeding from his fucking eye sockets!
He means kill him.
All passengers:
- We'll make a brief stop at shin Yokohama. - Goddamn it.
Excuse me.
You are fuckin' excused.
Joburg.
I'm sorry, buddy.
Give it!
Shit balls!
That wasn't a minute.
- I missed my stop. - Why?
- Because god hates me. - No, she doesn't.
- Do you still have the case? - Yeah, I stashed it.
- Get off at the next stop. - It sounds so easy when you say it.
Does the name El cigarillo mean anything to you?
- El saguaro? The cartel boss? - Yeah, why does that sound so familiar?
He was in the wedding you infiltrated in Mexico.
- Tequila? - You were the cocktail server.
The groom. I knew I recognized that guy.
- I'm really good with faces. - Wait, what guy?
Sorry. Be right back.
The guy who stabbed me. I spilled wine on his suit. He's dead now.
- You killed the wolf? - It was an accident.
I'm really gonna have to process my part in the incident on Monday.
Shit! Fuck! No.
Shit. Fuck. What?
Remember those two wackos from the Bolivia job?
- The twins? - Yeah, I'm not so sure they're twins.
Stop it. Everyone knows they're twins.
One of them is walking towards me right now.
I think I saw the other one on the platform.
Occupied.
Now we know who the owners of the case are.
This is exactly what I'm talkin' about.
We have to have a hard discussion about the caliber of people
- we are surrounding ourselves with. - Why are we whispering?
- Hello. - The white death would like to know
- why you stepped off train. - Wanted some fresh air.
Your orders were to stay on the train.
I didn't realize I was gettin' a babysitter to come cut my bollocks.
I'm a professional. We're making sure the case and his son are perfectly safe.
Can I please go do my job now?
Oh, very kind of you. Thank you very much.
Fuck me! Jesus Christ.
It's very rude, talking on the phone, on the train in Japan.
This rude enough for ya, ya fucking prick?
Shove that fuckin' hat up your fuckin' asshole, you hear me?
Fuck this job.
I knew we should have got an upgrade, fuck all.
I beg your pardon, sorry.
I wasn't aware there was a young lady present. Apologize.
You didn't happen to see someone come by with a silver briefcase, did ya?
There's a little train sticker by the handle.
Actually, yeah.
A man with black framed glasses had it. He went that way.
Thank you, love.
That fucking bastard.
Come on.
"Guy in black glasses. Stop him."
Hi. There's a gun under this table...
This is the quiet car. Gotta use your small inside voice in here, son.
There's a gun underneath this table pointed right at you, so I would...
- I can't really hear what you're saying. - There's a gun...
I'm just fuckin' with you, mate.
It's been a long time since Johannesburg.
Yeah. Who the fuck are you?
Really. You don't remember me?
You look like every white homeless man I've ever seen.
Okay.
Well, I have something I believe you're looking f...
- Really? You don't remember me? - I remember Johannesburg,
- but I don't remember you. - You shot me.
- I shoot a lot of people. - You shot me twice.
Ow!
Well, you also have a shoot able face.
I know you're black framed glasses.
The cheeky fucker who took our briefcase.
Yes. Yes, I am.
You know, I've done a lot of personal work since joburg.
I've forgiven, I've moved on.
I've learned that with any potential conflict
there's an opportunity for growth, a path to a peaceful outcome.
Interesting.
Who is that?
I have no idea.
How did you know that was there?
Didn't I mention?
I've always been lucky.
It was then that I took a long, hard look into the mirror.
And you know what?
Buddy, I didn't like what I saw.
Nope. Nada.
Until I did. You know?
Between us now sits a wall.
But it's an illusion.
For within every wall, awaits a window...
Oh, wait, it's a door.
Real quick, every day is a fucking headache with you, innit?
Right. You and your partner...
I'm lemon, he's tangerine.
Okay, lemon... like the fruit?
Blessings.
- What's your plan here? - Here's the plan.
I give you back your case, you don't kill me.
You give your case to your employer, he doesn't kill you.
You're alive, I'm alive, everyone's happy.
Win-win, don't you think?
How do you know whoever hired you won't kill you for failing your job?
Lose-lose. No happy.
Man, I just wanna get off this train,
go see a zen garden and some shit, you know?
- I'd like to accept your offer. - Great.
But then you went and killed someone. Didn't you?
- How did you know...? - Wasn't exactly subtle.
It was an accident. Tragic.
Bizarre, even.
Cool story, bro,
but I think you had your own plans of getting out of here with that case.
- No, no. - Pinning a body on us.
Hoping the white death
is so busy cuttin' off our arms instead of cuttin' off our fingers.
It's like Thomas the tank engine always says: "Simple is better."
- The kids' show? - Yes, the fucking ki... man.
I learned everything about people from Thomas.
- Everything. - Really?
It's how I can read people like you so well.
- And you are a diesel. - I am not a diesel.
- You're the diesel-est diesel... - Not even close.
I've ever seen in my life, man.
'Cause diesels bluff. They go too far.
I'm trying to get diesels out of my life, you know?
If there was a gun under this table, yeah, I'd be as dead as that kid over there.
Nope.
You mother...
Have the courage to listen.
Come on, joburg.
No.
Shot number three.
No, no, no. I ain't got the time or the Patience, let alone the interest.
Fucking hell.
Are you following me? Stop!
And $♪% ♪
Asshole!
I'll call the conductor!
Eat a bag of dicks, lady!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm working on it.
I'm not a diesel, you're a diesel.
- There's another body here. - Of course there is.
Not my fault, and I believe it's the son of the white death.
Did the twins ID you?
Did you hear what I said? White death. Death. Death.
Snatch-and-grab, my ass.
There's someone else doing a job on this train.
The twins. We know that.
Again, not twins.
Loonies, but not twins.
They're here for the kid, but somebody killed the kid.
- The guy with the knife. - The wolf.
He said he came here for revenge.
He just happened to run into me, because of course he did.
Now, get this.
The kid was poisoned in the same way as El sbarro was at the wedding.
It's El saguaro.
- The same killer? - Yeah.
I'm like MacGyver.
Fuck!
All of Japan is in terror because a poisonous snake was stolen.
Boom slang snakes have a very strong poison.
When they bite, it can cause internal bleeding...
And bleeding from holes in the body.
Oh, shit.
What are you doing?
What's wrong?
Fuck this, man.
Fuck carver.
Shit.
Oh, thank god. For a minute there...
Jesus Christ, you had a bit of a bosh, pal.
All right. Five stations to Kyoto.
Better get tickety-boo.
Would you describe me as someone who lives in perpetual anxiety?
No, no.
Ah, fuck nuts.
And if it wasn't clear, I meant "yes."
- The conductor, I don't have a ticket. - Not sure that's your biggest concern.
You don't understand, this guy's like criss-fuckin'-angel.
He pops up everywhere.
He slows me down, tangerine catches me, I am dead.
Dead. Dead.
Hold on.
Hey, bro.
Wanna make an easy 200 bucks?
Is this like a... sex thing?
Nope.
Oh, okay. I was kidding.
Yeah, what's up? What do you need, bro?
All right, game's up, big boy.
Where is the case?
Tell me, and I promise I'll only shoot you enough...
Whoa, whoa, is this the sex stuff?
Twat!
- Shit. - I do love an accent.
Come on.
Oops.
Picture it.
Picture what?
Well, the man. Watching your son.
I wonder how he'll do it.
Maybe a pillow to the face.
Or maybe something clever.
Like an air bubble in the iv.
No, no. You hold onto it.
The innocent young girl act doesn't really get you very far
if you're holding a loaded gun.
Put it on speaker.
- Father. - Yuichi?
Why did you leave the hospital?
Be honest.
Who's there with you?
I found out who pushed wataru off that roof.
Did you go to the authorities?
I wanted to handle it myself.
My son.
You can't control what fate has in store for us.
Father.
I'm sorry.
We're not finished.
You're going to sit here and you're going to go through every combination
until you open up that case.
- Kid, that could take f... - No, no. It won't.
I'd start with the low numbers. Just a thought.
Fuck me!
- There he is. - He got by me.
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
I guess our best option now
is bring the white death the man who killed his son.
- But glasses didn't do it. - I could give a rat's ass.
No, I'm telling you, I read him. He's not the type, mate.
I'll tell you what, do you like your arms?
- You know I like my arms. - Well, then
someone's got to take the blame, don't they?
- That's you or me? - You or me?
Shit, that asshole stole my phone.
And my gun, Lucille.
- Oh, come on. - That's my favorite gun. Son of a bitch.
Fuck about.
- Right, what? - Step off the train at the next stop
- with the briefcase and the son. - Hang on a minute, didn't we say Kyoto?
You will still depart at Kyoto.
The white death wants to make sure you are being honest about situation.
Well, this is a complete waste of our t...
All right, all right. We just have to prove we have a case we don't have
and a live son instead of a dead one.
What are you thinking?
- The ol' punch and Judy? - The ol' punch and Judy.
You were all told to exit the train.
Yeah? Well, unlike you, I'm a professional.
I wanted to make sure it weren't some yakuza trap, but clearly not.
It's some fuck in"80s dance-off, innit?
Where is your twin? Tangerine?
I'm tangerine.
Lemon's keepin' the case safe.
And the white death's son?
Yeah, he's there.
Wave to your fuckin' fans, Princess.
He's a fuckin' happy chappy, isn't he?
But I've gotta pop on the train, you know, ten seconds left, so ta-ra.
We'll stick to the plan, depart in Kyoto.
Do us a favor: Get the fuck off my back, will ya?
Okay.
Whoa!
Okay.
- That couldn't have gone better. - Yeah, let's hope they buy it.
We need to find that glasses twat, like, right to the fuck now.
I'm gonna go up, you go down, double back when you're done.
If you see him, fucking deal with him, yeah?
Yeah.
- Up is...? - That way. Towards Tokyo.
Departing trains are always moving down.
And, look, be careful.
- Something else is going on here. - Yeah.
Yeah, I still feel like there's a diesel lurking about.
I swear to god, what did I say? What did I say?
- I said I'll fucking... - Shoot me in the face. Yeah.
Thomas still taught me how to see people, read them for real.
Yeah.
- And I'm never wrong, am I? - No.
Glasses, he is not our guy.
Okay.
You shoot first and come up with the answers later.
I always do.
And, lemon?
Yeah, man?
You be careful, too.
I mean, when this train's a-rockin' don't come a-knockin', right?
Seven more minutes and I am off this train.
Are you hiding in the bathroom?
Yeah. Have you tried these smart toilets?
They're a pleasure to the senses.
If I had one in the chamber I would rock this bad boy right now.
Boundaries. We need boundaries.
Holy shit.
Whoa there.
Oh, look at that.
I knew my luck would rub off on you.
Fuck.
What the fuck are you doing?
I am doing the same thing that I did to the gun in your hand.
I'm just making things interesting.
I'm hedging my bets, you could say.
Fuck.
If the gun doesn't kill him, the case will.
This thing could have blown up in my hand at any point.
No, no. It's inert unless you fire it.
But don't fire it, you know what I mean?
Unlike what I put in this briefcase here. This is very...
Well, this is not inert at all. This is...
Did you know that there have been 31 attempts on the white death's life
from within his own organization?
Each one, he executed with their own weapon.
Do you see what I'm getting at here?
Kimura, I brought you here to fail.
You push my son off a roof...
- Right. - Bring me to this train...
Frame me as an assassin
here to kill the white death, and use my gun...
That will blow up in his face?
Very good.
Very, very good.
It's a stupid plan.
It is...
A brilliant plan.
Occupied.
You remember that mob surgeon that died mid-heart operation?
- Yeah, he had a stroke, right? - No, that was the official cover.
He was poisoned. The assassin goes by the name of the hornet.
Oh, my god!
He used boom slang snake venom.
It congeals the blood, making you bleed out of every orifice.
If the antidote isn't administered within 30 seconds, you're dead.
Fun fact: The same poison that was used on...
El sagardo.
It's El saguaro.
What is the hornet doing on this train?
Well, whatever deal was made, it wasn't done through the normal channels.
There's something else going on here.
- How long are you going to be? - It's still occupied, lady.
And $♪% ♪
The wolf must have figured out who the hornet is,
came here for revenge for his wife, his boss, came here to whack the hornet.
Oh, my god, did you just say "whack"?
- I did, I'm bringing it back. - No, it needs to stay where it was.
If I can figure out who the hornet is,
I can give him to lemon and tangerine so they don't whack me.
- Really? - You see what I did there?
You're really proud of yourself, aren't you?
Jeez, they're usually so polite here.
Lady, I'm so...
Oh. That's cool.
Bastard!
Come here, you dirty fucking scum!
Wait, wait, wait. I know who killed the kid.
I couldn't give a rat's ass. Where's my fucking case?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
Oh, no, thank you. We're okay.
Oh, I would love a bottle of water.
You know what? Do you have anything sparkling? With bubbles?
That's the one. Thank...
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Bro, I just remembered I gave all my money to that guy to wear my hat and glasses.
Could you?
How much for the bottle of water, love?
Oh, there. No, you're welcome. Yeah.
A thousand yen. That's ten quid for that bottle of water, mate.
Ta-ra.
- You sure you don't wanna talk this out? - Not particularly, no.
Okay.
You fucking bastard! Fucker! Come here, you little fuck!
I know who killed the kid.
Yeah? Where the fuck is he, then?
He's on this train.
Well, that narrows it down, then, don't it?
Let go! Get off!
You gonna get that?
No.
You probably ought a get that.
It could be important.
Okay, maybe it's important.
Fucking hell. Come here.
Yeah, what do you want?
The white death says to get off at next stop holding the briefcase
or he will kill everyone on that train.
Okay, yeah, I can make it, but lemon, he's a little tied up right now.
Both of you this time. With the case. Or everyone dies.
Fuckin' paranoid, this lot.
You don't happen to have the case on you, do ya?
No.
Yeah, I don't think I'd reach lemon in time anyway.
You still got his phone.
Do you have a gun on ya?
- Don't like 'em. - Well...
Game's up, mate.
For what it's worth, you seem like a right fucking asshole
and I'm glad you're gonna fucking die with me.
That's nice.
- Just curious. - Yeah?
Do they even know what lemon looks like?
Wow.
You two do look like twins, huh?
Yeah, okay. We got the case, now what?
You still take the train to Kyoto station.
Yeah. Okay. We can do that. Wonderful.
Hey.
- Have you opened the case? - No, of course not.
I never asked for the combination, you know what I mean?
Keep it safe that way.
So no one gets greedy.
I know, I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- I have this bad luck thing. - Is that what you call it?
I hit the thing and it went:
- Why did you even bother trying? - I was trying to sell it.
Well, I don't think they were in the market
for fucking dildos and pantyhose, were they?
But they were buying it.
I had 'em.
You proved you're smarter than everyone. You've won, kid.
Please.
Please, kid.
Call your man.
I'll do what you want.
Just leave my son alone.
Your son.
Do you know how easy it was to get him to follow me up onto that roof?
Didn't think it would take you three hours
to even realize your son was missing.
You're a terrible father,
and your son is going to pay
for all the mistakes that you've made.
You don't know anything about life.
How hard it is.
You're just...
Some spoiled girl
who breaks their toys
when mommy says she has to pick up.
Sorry. Pardon me, I don't mean to interrupt what's going on here.
But you wouldn't happen to have seen
a tiny white prick with a pair of glasses come through here, have you?
No.
What about a silver case with a train sticker by the handle? You seen that?
It's not ringing any...
Uncle kimura, have you seen a silver briefcase with the train...
Did you say "train sticker by the handle"?
- The handle had a train sticker. - That's unique.
No, I haven't seen anything like that. I think I'd remember.
"Uncle kimura"?
- Yeah. - Right. Are you okay? That's...
Oh, yeah. Never shave on a bullet train, you know what they say.
Well, couldn't hurt to ask, you know? I'm just gonna keep following him.
Pardon me, "uncle kimura."
You guys take care.
Just one thing, though.
Most people assume "suitcase," you know, 'cause it's a train,
overnight and all.
But you...
You said "briefcase."
I never said "briefcase."
I think...
I found my diesel.
You know what's waiting for us in Kyoto.
We should just get off this train. Now.
If you think I'm stepping off this train without lemon or the case,
you must be mistaken.
Okay. Well, the case is in the first-class lounge.
It's behind the bar. It's in a trash can. It's yours.
Me, I'm getting off.
I'm gonna go find a temple and reevaluate my choices or something.
Ooh, that sounds very lovely, but here's the deal.
I still need a fall guy.
Shit.
- You need a fall guy. - Yeah.
No, I understand. I get it.
It's a bit of a conundrum, 'cause I'm thinking,
"do I hand him back in one piece"
or do I chop you up into little pieces and stuff you inside a fucking momomon.
That's what's going through my head right now.
Or...
Or what? You got a better idea, do ya?
You know, before us now is just a wall,
but it's an illusion, man, it's a construct.
You know, 'cause within that wall sits a window.
A window of opportunity.
Damn it. It's a door.
Within that wall is a door.
I'm finding it very hard to follow this story.
My point is, that door is closing.
Now the only question is:
Which one is the diesel, which one is the duck?
"The duck"?
It's a kid's show. Thomas the train engine.
Close. Thomas the tank engine.
Please, mister.
This man, he kidnapped me,
and he said that he's going to hold me for ransom.
I'm sorry. I get captivated by white-girl tears.
Bravo.
Common sense tells me that this old, shaky geezer here is the one in charge,
but I'm really good at reading people
and something tells me that you are just not fucking right.
So... let's see here. I mean, I can't shoot you both.
Then I get no answers.
How about this? I'm sure you'll love this. We're gonna play a little game.
If you wanna play a game, put both your hands up.
Perfect. I knew you would like this.
You're gonna close your eyes, and I'm gonna count to three.
Whichever one is in charge, raise your hand.
Whichever one isn't, you point at the one who is.
Now if you both raise your hands or you both point at each other,
I know you're both liars, and the truth ain't in ya.
And then I'll fucking shoot you both. Ready?
You said you couldn't kill us both. You'd get no answers.
- I did say that. Didn't I? - Yes.
Sometimes you gotta shoot first and come up with answers later.
One.
Or if I don't answer this phone when you call...
Two. Three. Kill wataru.
Am I dreaming?
Sorry, mate. Not your lucky day.
I have a wire in my bag,
and I think that we could use it to lock the door from the outside.
It was so scary.
He said that if I didn't do what he said, or if I yelled or anything,
that he would do awful, awful things to me.
Then why didn't you use this, then?
Yeah, he kidnapped ya and gave you his gun to hold, right?
- No, no, no. - Easy.
Please. I don't know how to use a gun. I don't know. Please.
Fuck me. You are fucking...
You are really good. You sure you didn't study?
You're not even afraid and your lip's quivering.
That's a tear. That is really authentic, mate.
You're the diesel.
- I gotta kill ya. - Please.
I'm just a kid. Please.
How do you do that?! It's really unbelievable!
Please. Please.
I got...
It's fucking... you stay right there.
Did you...? What the fuck is happening?
Everyone loves lemons.
Fucking die!
I'm glad you enjoyed the performance.
How did you do that?
I'm not sure.
Just lucky, I guess.
Tell tangerine... tell tangerine...
Tangerine...
He's Gordon.
Tangerine is Gordon.
Getting off this train. I'm getting that case, and that's it.
Hello?
Yuichi.
It looks like yuichi lost his phone on the bullet train.
You can pick it up at Kyoto station, though.
- Kyoto? - There's this find my phone app.
Surprisingly accurate.
Bye.
God, he's got a great walk.
Mr. Wolf.
So you came to kill the hornet.
What happened?
Are you okay?
Fuck, that thing is hot.
Momomomo. Momomon. Mom on. Momomon.
The pastry chef.
You stole my snake, bitch.
That was your...? We should really call the authorities 'cause someone...
Take that, punk!
Hey, bitch. One little prick from this, you know what happens?
- Yes. - Your blood congeals, clogging your veins.
- You bleed out of your fucking eye socket. - I said yes!
Weak-ass bitch.
- Stop! - I'm taking that case.
Give it!
I was promised my money.
- By who? - Don't know. It was all online.
They said my money was in the case.
What? Someone paid you to have the kid killed with his own ransom?
Wow. That's dark.
That is dark as... stop!
The hornet stings, bitch!
Lady, you can have the case.
Oh, but you've seen my face, bitch.
Thirty seconds before the venom does its thing.
You bitch.
Oh, shit, man. Do you have a backup?
What do you think, bitch?
Oh, shit, man.
You don't have another one?
You gotta be better prepared.
I'm mansplaining, I'm mansplaining again. I'm sorry.
Can I get you something?
You don't seem like a religious person.
Water? Would you like some water?
No?
You want a blanket?
You want me to hold your hand?
Karma is a bitch.
Talk to me.
It's my bad luck. It's bad luck on acid.
I gotta get off this train.
Do you have the case?
Yes.
Are you lying on the ground in the fetal position?
I'm not on the ground.
You need to get up.
- How do you always know what I'm doing? - Because I know you.
I could journal. I should journal.
Ladybug. Ladybug. Breathe. Deep breaths.
We're almost there. You just need to get up.
Right.
You have been lying to me, my friend.
Well, cat's out of the bag now, innit?
You were responsible for keeping my son safe,
for keeping my money safe.
I don't know a thing or two about being a parent.
But you know what I would do,
being that it's your son and your money?
I'd stop crying about your dead wife, get off your fucking lazy ass,
come here and finish the job yourself.
But as we're having a bit of a heart-to-heart,
got a couple things to tell ya.
Your son's a complete bell end
and fuckin' deserves to be bleeding out of his eye sockets.
And as for your case, I haven't seen it since Tokyo.
And I hope someone's fuckin' found it,
put it all on red and having a fuckin' wonderful time.
I will meet you at Kyoto station.
Oh, how wonderful. I can't fucking wait.
I want to look into your eyes when I kill you and your brother.
My brother.
I'm forever blowing bubbles
pretty bubbles in the air
west ham have taken it!
West ham 1, Chelsea nil.
Morning rush hour's rolling in quite nicely.
What's your plan, mate?
You gonna fuckin' waltz up here and blow my brains out
in front of the whole fuckin' carriage of witnesses?
There is no one left on that train.
I know.
I bought every ticket until the end of the line.
Oi.
You.
I know you.
You're that girl, aren't ya?
Oh, my god.
Yeah, I never forget a face, me.
I'm so happy to see you. Please help me.
There's this man, and he was holding me hostage.
He was wearing glasses, and he killed my uncle.
And he also killed this other man who, I don't know,
he just kept talking about Thomas the trains and...
Tank engine.
Yeah, right. Exactly.
But he killed both of them,
and then he said he was going to get away with some sort of money. I don't know.
I'm sorry, darling. I beg your pardon. I don't know who the fuck you are.
I'm just a girl who was supposed to get off at nagoya, and then this man...
That was fucking ages ago.
I know, but this man, he just said that I could be a good backup plan
and that a pretty girl makes a good hostage.
Well, he ain't wrong there. But, look, keep your fucking knickers on.
- Please just help me. - All right. Calm down.
Get off or do what the fuck you like. You're free to go.
- Thank you. - It's all right. Go on.
I don't know what you're doing here anyway.
Are you okay?
Diesel.
The absolutely fucking worst.
Little shit stirrer.
See, lemon...
God rest his soul,
was the Don.
And he could read people,
see them for who they really are.
He was right.
There's been a diesel
running up and down this train, causing all sorts of fucking havoc.
And it was you the whole fucking time, you dirty little diesel!
You made lemon bleed...
And lemon never bleeds.
Oh, my god! Mister, please help me!
Please! Please help me! Please!
What the fuck are you doing, you bell end!
What?
Diesel!
What?
You fucking bell end!
You're a diesel.
What the fuck?
He said that he was going to kill you and blame everything on you.
He also said that there's someone waiting for us at Kyoto station.
Someone scary, who would hurt me.
No one's gonna hurt you.
It's okay.
We're getting off this train.
We make the next stop, we'll be fine.
Okay, kid, come o...
Kid, come on!
I can't, my backpack is stuck!
What?
Leave it, let's go.
- We gotta go, we gotta go. - No, I can't!
Right now, young lady!
- No! - It's our last chance!
Please come back!
Kid, please.
I'm scared, I don't want to be alone, please!
I got it.
It's not your fault, kid.
It's my luck, not yours.
You got your whole life ahead of you.
Make sure you do something that brings you peace.
'Cause everything else is a pain in the ass.
And if you run into a guy named carver, he's a dick.
You can tell him I said so.
I took this. I didn't want to leave it.
The man had it, and I thought you could probably use it
to kill whoever's waiting for us at the end of the line.
You're not going to let me get hurt.
Be honest.
Who's there with you?
Really?
Right.
Okay, fella, you're creepin' me out.
So, if you don't mind, could you just find another seat, like,
way, way, way down there?
And that way, I won't have to tell you twice.
No.
You won't.
Let's just move. Let me grab your bag.
Was that a snake?
Would you know where my son is?
Oh, fuck.
After everything.
You are the person
who pushed my grandson off the department store roof.
Why?
Your son.
He was going to help me kill the white death at Kyoto station.
And that was the only way to get him on this train.
The white death.
That's right.
But he couldn't even do that.
So he's dead.
Just a few cars back.
They are both dead.
My grandson was pushed off a roof.
What makes you think I would leave him unprotected?
My grandson is safe.
And my son is not dead.
Listen, old man...
The only thing you know about an old man, young lady,
is that he has survived much more,
and much worse, than you.
I'll fucking kill him myself.
- Are you all right? - From that?
You're not gonna believe this coincidence
but I already got a dose of antivenom in me today, so I'm good.
Probably.
The girl...
Her intentions with you were not honorable.
Yeah.
A blind man could see you are the one in the dark.
I don't know about a blind man. She was pretty convincing.
- What did you do to her? - I did not need to do anything.
Fate will do what it wills.
Why do you laugh at fate?
Man, fate for me is just another word for bad luck.
And that follows me around like...
I don't know, something witty.
My handler calls me ladybug.
She's witty.
Ladybug?
Yeah.
This is very lucky, indeed.
No, she's being ironic, she...
Never mind.
I'm going to tell you a story now.
- No, I'm good. - It's short.
Really, I'm fine.
No, it's very quick.
No, no.
It's a good story for you, I think.
I'm cool.
Here we go.
A long time ago,
I made a promise to myself
that I would provide for my family no matter what it cost.
I had risen to a highly coveted position within the minegishi crime family.
A man raised up to take my place.
A man from the north.
I asked minegishi not to trust this man.
Minegishi told me I had lost my appetite.
He was not wrong.
But neither was I.
I returned home
and found nothing except ash and blood.
The white death had taken everything from me.
Almost.
I went into hiding.
I searched for a way to strike at the white death
without endangering what I had left.
But he remained forever out of reach.
I did not think
fate would ever give me a chance to make things right.
Do you know what they call a ladybug in Japan?
Ten to um us hi.
As a boy, I was told there is a spot on its back
for each of the seven sorrows of the world.
You see, ten to um us hi is not lucky.
It holds all the bad luck so that others may live in peace.
I don't wanna hold the seven sorrows.
Everything that's ever happened to you has led you here.
Fate.
Well, that's a shit deal.
At Kyoto station,
the white death will arrive on this train.
I will finally be allowed to make things right.
My son is a few cars up.
If you could escort him off this train...
Yeah, I don't see the white death letting any of us off this train.
You let me worry about the white death.
Okay.
Mr. Ladybug?
- Your briefcase. - Thank you.
Father.
I don't understand.
It is fate, my son.
And wataru?
He is safe.
Well...
He seemed like a decent guy.
He shot me.
Me, too.
Twice.
Still, he had another side to him...
Wow.
Oh, man.
Am I in hell?
Ah, fuck.
Fuckin' vest, man.
Oh, you drank the water.
Where the fuck is my brother?
Aw, man.
You...
You were more like Thomas anyway, right?
Fellas.
We need to come up with a plan.
You killed my brother. You killed my brother, you piece of shit!
Yeah, you fucking shot me!
I'll shoot you in the fucking throat next time
and your fucking partner Keira knightley!
- She is not my... - Hey! Fellas!
When we are so quick to anger, we are slow to understand.
I'm fast to kick your ass, though, I swear to god.
Fucking piece of shit! I should a put a bullet through your fucking ass!
When you point a finger at someone in blame,
there are four fingers pointing back at you.
Or three. That's weird.
Fuck it! That's it! You know what I could do!
- We before me! - You before fucking god...
Gentlemen!
Get off me!
A plum does not resent the hungry man, but the farmer who planted the tree.
He resents the farmer?
So how do plums have fuckin' resentments? So how can it resent?
Listen. The white death is the farmer.
So we're the plums. We're the plums?
It don't make sense. Why are you motherfuckers using metaphors?
Look, he shot my fucking brother!
You shot my son!
We prepare together...
Or we die alone.
That's all I was trying to say.
The white death waits for you with his army of assassins.
Killers from all countries.
But he has no idea my son and I are on this train.
If fate wills,
I will get my revenge.
I'll head to the back and stop as many as I can.
I'll go to the driver car and get us the fuck out of here.
What are you gonna do, joburg?
I'm gonna buy us some time.
Daughter.
Father.
Hey, fellas, I'm looking for a Mr. Death.
Got his case here.
Hey, easy.
Hurt people hurt people.
I came to see you.
And to make you finally see me.
The real me.
I built myself up from the nothing you gave me.
All so I could be the one in front of you today...
My finger on the trigger.
I was the one...
Who deserved your attention.
Your love.
I'm more like you than that little fuck up ever was.
Do it.
I came here to kill you.
So kill me.
Kill me like you did all the others who tried the same.
Do it.
Fucking do it!
Pow.
I see you, dochka.
I always have.
But you have never been part of my plan.
We found the American!
What about the others?
They're all dead.
Good news is I have your case.
Ay, good news, good news.
Check the case.
Hurry. Move. Let's go.
Clear the train.
All right, Thomas. Time for you to start up...
Oh, shit. Everything's in Japanese.
There is no episode in Japanese. What the f...?
Get on the ground!
Man, I got a bad feeling about this. We have no idea what's in this case.
What are you talkin' about?
Why is it always gotta be us that opens this shit?
Just open the goddamn case.
I'd like to keep my fuckin' arms.
Mr. Death, if I may?
The shadow buyer
who bought all our contracts, got us all on this train.
Me, the hornet,
tangerine, lemon...
That was you, right?
Yes, very astute.
I brought you on this train hoping you'd kill each other.
Okay.
If I could... why?
Why you do what you do?
You know, I've been asking that very question.
If it's so safe, why didn't he just open it?
What if it's a bomb and it blows up in our faces?
You think these stupid masks are gonna protect us?
All these years later...
The burden of your betrayal still heavy upon your heads.
Let me relieve you of both.
My wife...
Was taken from me.
I heard. I'm so sorry for your loss. It was a horrible accident.
- Horrible. - Oh, no.
No. Nothing in life is an accident.
It was an assassination attempt on me.
But fate...
Fate put two wet work operatives,
twins, on a job in Bolivia,
butchering my entire crew.
And I had to go deal with it.
And he didn't hire two random operators, lemon.
No, he asked for the two responsible for the Bolivia job.
That is why it was my wife in the car that night,
not me.
Fate put my wife in the hospital.
A piece of her rib
piercing her heart.
Only the most skilled cardiovascular surgeon could save her life.
But two nights earlier, this surgeon was poisoned.
Oh, my god!
Fate. Fate again.
They said my money was in the case!
Don't wanna sound judgmental, but if you hired the hornet,
you had your own kid killed?
- Oh, yes. - Okay.
Oh, yes, I did. The piece of shit.
Please, please.
That night...
- Please pick me up. - I told her not to leave.
To wait for me.
But she promised it was the last time we would ever bail him out of trouble.
I will come. I will always come for you.
Well, I suppose she was right.
If I had amputated that weakness
out of my life years ago,
she would still be by my side!
Yeah, it helps to process this. I have a good therapist.
I loved my wife very much.
She taught me a valuable lesson.
If you do not control your fate...
It will control you.
So I took control.
I brought them all here to die.
But now there is only one left.
Mr. Carver.
Excuse me?
I'm filling in for carver? Calling in sick?
Fuck carver.
The man who murdered my wife.
Bro.
- Just open it! - Fine. Ya happy?
I'm not carver!
He went that way.
Oh, shit. Okay.
Oh, shit. Something's happening.
Excuse me.
Yep.
Kimura.
Why are you here?
Your daughter.
It would seem she pushed...
The wrong grandson off a roof.
Ah, children. You do the best you can to raise them right.
Cockroach, I do not know why you are here,
but move out of my way or you will join your wife.
Our paths were destined to return to each other.
Okay.
Wait. Fuckin' slow down, mate. Come on!
Hey, so far so good. You can stop the train.
About that. I took the velocity of the train and divided it by the mass,
and I realized that I don't know how to fuckin' drive a bullet train.
Dude, all you do is talk about trains.
Thomas is a metaphor for life, not how to actually drive...
Get down!
Shit.
I got this! Stop the train!
What?!
English, English, English, English.
English. Brakes!
We're good! I got it!
No!
- Hold on! - We're on the wrong track!
- Oi, joburg! - What?
I'm sorry I shot you!
Actually it was, like, twice!
Sorry?
You shot me twice!
I'm sorry I shot you twice.
Thanks, man!
That shows real growth!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck.
You are not ruled by strength.
You are ruled by fear!
Fear of the one thing deep down you cannot control!
Fear of fate!
Hey, and I'm sorry about tangerine.
Yeah.
But I got another brother now.
Really?
Fuck no!
For old times' sake.
Fuck it.
$♪%♪
B-20.
Let's go.
- Oh, mate. - Yeah?
I wanted bubble milk tea.
How about a wagon wheel?
A father...
Protects his family.
Oh, fuck.
About your wife, I had nothing to do with that.
It's a mistake.
I'm not carver.
I only do snatch-and-grab jobs.
The carver! I want the carver! I hired the carver!
No, he had a stomach thing, man.
I'm just filling in.
You're filling in.
For what it's worth, carver is a dick.
The most cunning assassin...?
Maybe the laziest.
Aw, come on.
Just let it go, bro.
Do not call me "bro"!
Okay.
Dude, did you see that?
What was that?
Dude.
It's done.
Hey, about this plum. Shouldn't the plum give up all resentment? Like...
Oh, my god.
It's my luck that delivered my father's corpse at my feet.
The narcissism on this chick.
Untreatable.
Now I am...
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
What?
What is with this fucked-up family?
You need some suggested reading, if I may.
Surviving borderline personality disorder.
What?
I highly recommend it.
Now I am the white d...
What was that?
Was that Karma?
Farewell, ten to um us hi.
Tangerine.
Maria?
Take the gun.
Oh, my god, did you just say "whack"?
We're almost there. You just need to get up.
Did you come to rescue me?
Did you need rescuing?
You came to rescue me.
Please don't make me regret it.
Okay, don't. Don't. What's happening to your face? Are you crying?
It's a lot to process.
I want you to know, you are the greatest,
most wonderful handler
that I could ever have. Ever. Ever.
Do you think maybe there was a little head trauma?
- Maybe. - Little bit, yeah.
- A little lightheaded. - Yeah. Need a banana?
- Potassium might be good. - Have one in the car.
Hey.
Next time, take the gun. Don't listen to Barry.
Okay? Simple.
Stop it.
- Stop. - You know,
- I think you were right about one thing. - Usually am. Come on.
Maybe it is just about how we frame it.
Like, maybe there's no bad luck or good luck.
Maybe we're all just agents of fate.
- Nice car. - Yes, it is.
Try not to bleed on it.
Holy mol...
Well...
How do you know it's a bad thing?
Really?
- See what I'm doing? - I do.
- Turning that upside down. - I do.
This is working.
Yeah.
Wasabi peas.
Fate obviously didn't want me to have that banana.
Fate did not want us to get in that car.
Well, maybe you've learned something after all.
Fate needs me to find a smart toilet.
- I take that back. Can you hold it? - I'm ball pointing.
- Walk faster. - Okay. Yeah.
I'm alive! I'm Ali...
Oh, fuck me. Fuck me.
Come on, you fucker.
Fuck you!
Stop! Fucking stop!
Tangerines.
Fuck diesels.
- I am the white d... - Fuck you, diesel bitch!
Final curtain, huh? Final curtain! Take a fucking bow!
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