1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,624 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, 4 00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:19,932 please put your hands together for Cocoa Brown! 5 00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:22,283 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 6 00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,546 [R&B MUSIC PLAYING] 7 00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,120 What is happening? 8 00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:34,904 How y'all doing? 9 00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,298 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 10 00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:41,215 We are outside! We are outside, y'all. 11 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:44,218 Oh, it feels so good to breathe real air. 12 00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,742 I now know how a penis feel in a condom. 13 00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:48,657 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 14 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,225 I tell you I'll be going through this pandemic, honey. 15 00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:52,878 You gotta warn me, though. You know. 16 00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:56,099 I don't know about y'all, but I got trapped in a pandemic. 17 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:58,275 Stuck in the house for a year with a 8-year-old. 18 00:00:58,319 --> 00:01:00,582 Where my parents at? Where my parents at? 19 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:04,194 I tell you, being a single parent, you ain't got nobody to put them on. 20 00:01:04,238 --> 00:01:08,677 Somebody could have warned me that kids control everything you do and everything you watch. 21 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,418 I couldn't watch shit. 22 00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:13,116 Somebody asked me other day, "Girl, what's your favorite show"? 23 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,509 I said, "I don't know, bitch. Caillou." 24 00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:16,293 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 25 00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:18,252 Y'all know about Caillou? 26 00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:21,864 Can I ask y'all something? He got cancer? 27 00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:25,998 'Cause that little fucker ain't grown no hair in 4976 episodes. 28 00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:28,958 And where the hell is his eyebrows? Is is alopecia? 29 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:31,482 I just want to know if I need to pray for him, that's all. 30 00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:33,484 Look at his head. That's not his real daddy. 31 00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:35,225 That's Charlie Brown, baby, Look at that nigga head. 32 00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:36,661 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 33 00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,489 Man. I watched so much of my son's stuff, 34 00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:40,361 I just started talking like them, honey. 35 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:43,320 I was on the phone with Amazon one day. I just broke out in Peppa Pig. 36 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:44,669 Hello, My name is Peppa. 37 00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:45,757 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 38 00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,498 And this is my brother, George. 39 00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:49,109 Oh, Daddy. [GRUNTS] Just [GRUNTS] 40 00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:52,329 Just when my package be here, ho? When my package be here? 41 00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:54,157 Shoot. I'm telling you, it's crazy. 42 00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,072 And then I went into the pandemic single. 43 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,771 Oh, Lord. I didn't get to mess around and build my roster. 44 00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:01,686 Being single in a pandemic is terrible 45 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:04,385 'cause after about month number four, honey, I'm on Facebook 46 00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:07,170 looking at dudes I ain't talked to in 20 years. 47 00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:09,564 Talking about how your marriage working out, you know. 48 00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:11,174 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 49 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:12,958 You still like that bitch? Let me know. 50 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:15,439 -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] -[BROWN LAUGHING] 51 00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:19,139 'Cause imma tell you something. I never thought a million years that I'd be single at my age. 52 00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,837 You know? I was married, you know, And I love being married. 53 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,752 I just hated who the fuck I was married to. 54 00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:25,884 You know, I think some of y'all can relate. You know? 55 00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:27,495 [BROWN LAUGHING] 56 00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:28,931 You know I'm saying? it was like I was with this person 57 00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:30,759 and I loved him, but he just wouldn't act right. 58 00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:33,675 He had this condition I couldn't deal with called nigga won't work. 59 00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:35,764 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 60 00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:39,246 I can deal with a lot of shit, but you ain't bringing no check in this house? 61 00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:41,422 Honey, please. Honey, let me tell you something. 62 00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:43,293 You know how good your peepee got to be? 63 00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:45,208 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 64 00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:47,819 I better be going to my job every day in a wheelchair. Understand me? 65 00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:50,257 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 66 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,041 But he'll be cracking me up, you know. 67 00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,174 'Cause this dude really think that that's the bomb, you know. 68 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,827 Just having a penis make them a man. 69 00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,655 I'm like, "No, baby. That don't make you you no man." 70 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,222 You know what I'm saying? My daddy, a real man. 71 00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:01,920 My daddy worked his ass off for 32 years, honey. 72 00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:03,792 He lost his job one time. 73 00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,881 And you think he let my momma take care of him? 74 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:08,492 Hell, no. He didn't ever gave that bitch that kind of power. 75 00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,190 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 76 00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,409 My dad went and got him some secondhand lawnmowers, honey. 77 00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:14,150 Started cutting grass around the neighborhood. 78 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,065 That's kind of love I want, honey. 79 00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:18,502 Make a whole black man turned to Mexican. That's kind of love I want. 80 00:03:18,546 --> 00:03:19,677 [AUDIENCE SCREAMING] 81 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:21,244 He changed his whole race. 82 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,028 -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] -[BROWN LAUGHING] 83 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:24,595 But he'll be tripping me out. 84 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:26,989 'Cause he do really think having a penis make them a man. 85 00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:28,991 That don't make you a man, booboo. It don't. 86 00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,949 It's a lot of levels to being a man, 87 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,603 and some of y'all think just having that thing swing between your legs 88 00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:34,126 make you a man. No, sir. 89 00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,780 'Cause if that's the case, I've been a man a long time 90 00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,782 'cause I've got three dicks in my top drawer. 91 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,654 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 92 00:03:39,697 --> 00:03:42,613 And I ain't gotta never worry about talkin 'bout he tired! He tired! 93 00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:44,354 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 94 00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:46,748 But I do. I be wanting, you know, a dude my age, 95 00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:48,924 but they got these dang old standards, now, man. 96 00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:52,493 I don't know why dudes do this to us, they raise the bar for us so much. 97 00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:54,408 Why they do that to sisters? 98 00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,932 They do it to us. They don't do it to any other race of women but us. 99 00:03:56,975 --> 00:04:00,675 They wanna raise the bar. We gotta be damn near perfect for a man to want us. 100 00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,851 And my thing is this, you can have all the demands you want, 101 00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:05,636 just make sure you got that same shit you asking me for. 102 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:09,205 You can't ask me to have shit you ain't got, home boy. You understand me? 103 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,033 They be killing me, honey, I'll be calling them out. 104 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:13,122 They be like, "I only date chicks with long, pretty hair." 105 00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:15,298 Fool, you baldheaded with two dreads hanging on. 106 00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,604 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 107 00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,823 You ain't got no edges either. Okay? 108 00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:21,826 You wear a hat, I wear a wig. Let's go. Come on. We even. 109 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,828 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 110 00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:26,178 "I only date chicks with light eyes and green eyes." 111 00:04:26,222 --> 00:04:27,963 Fool, you cockeyed. We ain't gonna never see eye to eye. 112 00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:29,094 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 113 00:04:29,138 --> 00:04:31,140 I ain't gonna never see your point. 114 00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,664 We're always gonna be arguing. Who the bitch you keep looking at behind me? 115 00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:35,492 "I only date chicks with good credit." 116 00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:37,886 Fool, they turned your ass down to Cricket. Okay? 117 00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:40,236 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 118 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,673 "I only date chicks with pretty toes and pretty feet." 119 00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:45,850 Every time you take your shoes off small animals die in a 5-mile radius. 120 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,592 Eagle-talon, cray as a slave, 121 00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:51,203 walking on burning sands-ass, crushed-ass, coal miner's ass daughter 122 00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:53,249 running for your freedom-ass, fucked up feet, 123 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,252 old crushed up toes 'cause your mom ain't bought the right size shoes 124 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,341 when you was little, old monkey-paw-having-ass. 125 00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:01,083 Every time you go barefoot, you pick up spare change and lint. 126 00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,345 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 127 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,349 You know what I'm talking about. 128 00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:09,570 Be rubbing them hard ass feet on me at night, thinking that shit feel good 129 00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,398 'cause my eyes closed. Oh, I'm losing blood, bitch. 130 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:13,400 I'm dying. I'm bleeding out. 131 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,315 I'm weak. I'm weak. 132 00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:18,361 Talking about I only date chicks with pretty teeth and a pretty smile. 133 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:21,059 Every time you open your mouth I'm like, "Happy Halloween." 134 00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:22,147 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 135 00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:23,888 Oh, October 31st-having-ass mouth. 136 00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:26,456 It's Halloween all year long in your mouth. 137 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,240 Got the nerve to be talking some trash. 138 00:05:28,284 --> 00:05:29,938 Fool, you can't even eat solid food, 139 00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,983 old blending, blending, barbecue jello pudding eating-ass. 140 00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:36,031 We can't never go to Outback. I order a steak. Imma fuck your life up. 141 00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:39,382 All we can do is order creamed spinach and mashed potatoes. 142 00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:40,731 Old strong-ass right y'all 143 00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:43,343 'cause you can't chew gum on the left side ass. 144 00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,214 They get on my nerves, man. 145 00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:47,738 They be the man once. Just eating cooch from the side. 146 00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:49,523 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 147 00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:52,003 You don't turn your head, I'm gonna suffocate your ass. 148 00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:54,397 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 149 00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:57,661 There's a dude here right now, mad as shit, laughing like this. 150 00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:58,836 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 151 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,577 She wild. She wild. 152 00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:02,927 Talking about "She don't know me." Yes, I do. 153 00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:05,930 You probably got a nice ass car outside. I can't stand that shit. 154 00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:10,239 Dude with a nice ass car, with fucked up teeth. Where your priorities at? 155 00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:12,459 What bitch is letting this shit ride? 156 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,069 Talking about how you like my rims. 157 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:17,202 I don't need to melt the fuckers down and make some braces. 158 00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:20,075 Look like you're riding around chewing on frozen sunflower seeds. 159 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,685 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 160 00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:25,297 And the one that pisses me off in my spirit, in my spirit, 161 00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:28,953 is how they demand, ladies, that we have perfect bodies. 162 00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,433 We can't have no flaws. 163 00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,304 They be the man once with all them demands 164 00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,437 with all of us being perfect. We got to have perfect bodies. 165 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,134 His ass built like the Mucinex man. 166 00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,397 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 167 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,007 You built like a whole booger. 168 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:41,444 Every time you come in the room naked, your titties out, 169 00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:43,577 I'm like, "Fool, I'm questioning my sexuality." 170 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,143 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 171 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:49,147 Yeah, I said it. Titties bigger than mine. 172 00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:50,932 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 173 00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:52,412 They put so many demands. We have to have the perfect body, honey. 174 00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,457 Gotta be the right height, the right weight. 175 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:57,286 No excess weight, perfect titties, perfect ass, no stretch marks, 176 00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:59,636 our knees and elbows gotta be the same color. 177 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,421 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 178 00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:03,466 His chick's in here right now. 179 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:06,295 She got so much cocoa butter on, every time that bitch laughs, she's slides. 180 00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:07,688 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 181 00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:10,560 And they demand we have flat stomachs. 182 00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:14,434 Really? You know how many women in here wannna laugh right now? 183 00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,392 But that waist trainer got her fucked up. 184 00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:18,873 She's just sitting there... 185 00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:21,571 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 186 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:30,145 She got to pee like a mofo, but she can't go to the bathroom. 187 00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:33,278 She'd miss the whole damn show trying to unsnap them 76 hooks. 188 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,367 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 189 00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:37,979 She's just seating in her seat, giggling and pissing, giggling and pissing. 190 00:07:38,022 --> 00:07:40,329 Gonna have your whole car smell like a nursing home. 191 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:41,635 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 192 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:42,766 Yeah, I said it. 193 00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:44,464 -[BROWN CHUCKLES] -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 194 00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,989 But it's so crazy to be with us. 195 00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:51,166 It's like, as I've gotten older, the dudes that try to holler at me get younger. 196 00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:52,384 You know what I'm saying? 197 00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,386 And I don't mind being a cougar. 198 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:57,172 I don't mind being a cougar, but I don't want just any kind of young dude. 199 00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:58,869 I said I'd rather have one 200 00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:01,306 you know, that's, you know... I don't want one going to school, 201 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:02,743 in a good relationship with his parents. 202 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,875 That's too much self-esteem. A bitch gotta keep up. 203 00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:06,224 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 204 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,792 Give me one with no hopes, no dreams. 205 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:11,229 For real. 206 00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,884 I was riding around New York today looking for niggas with no hope. 207 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:16,191 I had my trunk full of young boy bait too, honey. 208 00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:19,194 You know, white T-shirts, loose Newports, 209 00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:21,544 nickel bags of weed. 210 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:24,199 I had a whole PS5. That's all you, boo. That's all you. 211 00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,244 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 212 00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:28,812 I like them young bucks 'cause they impressed with simple shit, you know. 213 00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:30,945 Like a queen size bed on a frame. 214 00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,729 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 215 00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:35,515 He ain't never seen no bed up high before. He's so fascinated. 216 00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:37,386 He kept looking for the pump. 217 00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:39,997 I'm like, "Nigga, that's a box spring. What the hell wrong with you?" 218 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,782 He's like, "Can I put my shoes under there?" 219 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,566 "You sure can. Go on and slide them shoes under there. Get comfy." 220 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,525 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 221 00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:47,570 They fascinated with simple shit, like a matching fitted and flat sheet. 222 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,833 You know what I'm saying? Home for the sex. 223 00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:51,792 He went in my bathroom, his mind was blown. 224 00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,620 He had never seen decorative tiles like, "Uh, don't touch that. 225 00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,099 "Touch that green one on the sink here." 226 00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:56,666 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 227 00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,146 Man, he was messing around looking for the toilet paper. 228 00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,930 I'm like, "It's right there, you know, on the roll." 229 00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:02,063 He's on the back of the tank looking for McDonald's napkins. 230 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:03,978 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 231 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:06,850 He went in my kitchen. He had never seen a clean microwave in his life. 232 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:09,026 He thought I had just bought the bitch. 233 00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,724 I said, we clean our shit right here. 234 00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,074 Don't nobody want apple pie and mac n cheese, fool. 235 00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:15,293 -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] -[BROWN CHUCKLES] 236 00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:17,948 He kept looking through all my damn containers, talking bout, "It's all butter." 237 00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:20,211 I'm like, "That's Country Crock. What the hell wrong with you? 238 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:21,996 "We got Tupperware around here." 239 00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:24,781 He kept looking for the ketchup. I'm like, "It's in the Frigidaire." 240 00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:27,262 His ass in the drawer, looking for soy sauce packets. 241 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:29,438 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 242 00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:31,614 He caught my tv on, honey. He was blown away. 243 00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,268 He was like, "Damn your shit go up to 800." 244 00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:35,270 That's right, baby. That's real cable. 245 00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:38,621 We ain't gotta wait and steal nobody WiFi around this bitch. 246 00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:40,710 You want to see who shot Ghost? Press play. 247 00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:42,059 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 248 00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,933 Oh, yes, honey. I love being a cougar, honey. 249 00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:47,804 They be cracking me up. 250 00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:49,763 Those little young bucks, though, they talk more trash than Li'l Bit. 251 00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,982 Swear up and down he gonna do something to you ain't never been done before. 252 00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,505 I'm like, "Little boy. Please." 253 00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:56,334 I'm grown. I done did everything and ah yeah, yeah. 254 00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:57,727 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 255 00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:00,077 Hell, I done did some shit I'm trying to forget. 256 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:03,080 I'm still trying to get that taste out of my mouth from Freaknik 95. 257 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:06,910 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 258 00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:10,871 All or nothing. All or nothing. I'm glad I hoed when I hoed, honey. 259 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:13,961 I feel sorry for you little young girls 'cause you can't go out here 260 00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:16,267 and wild out, and experiment, and do things 261 00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:18,095 'cause you're shit gonna end up on TikTok. 262 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:20,837 Worldstar. Shade Room. 263 00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,970 I'm glad I hoed in the '90s, honey. 264 00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:25,363 Yeah, I did my dirt. Where my grown women at? 265 00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:27,409 Okay. Grown women. 266 00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:30,281 We are marked safe from the bullshit. 267 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:32,327 All of us done got saved. The husband's there. 268 00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:34,198 He don't know the shit we used to do. 269 00:10:34,242 --> 00:10:35,809 He wondered what that smell is every now and then. 270 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,158 Be like, "Let it ride. Let it ride." 271 00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:38,942 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 272 00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:41,423 If you find out I was hoeing, your ass was looking for my shit. 273 00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:44,992 You went up to somebody's attic and went through some VHS tapes. 274 00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:48,517 Now you found me giving head in between Living Single, and New York Undercover. 275 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,911 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 276 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:54,044 You had to go through 32 seasons of Martinto find my shit. 277 00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:58,135 -[BROWN LAUGHING] -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 278 00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,268 You just got to be careful with them, you know, 279 00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,792 them little young bucks, them 25, 26-year-olds, honey. 280 00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:06,013 Their ass get happy, honey. They keep falling in love, nose get open. 281 00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:09,494 I had one, 22. Don't judge me. I was just trying to see something. 282 00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:11,192 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 283 00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:13,803 He gone mess around, telling me "I want you to meet my momma." 284 00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,109 I don't want to meet your momma! 285 00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:16,327 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 286 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:18,199 He gonna trick me and take me to her house. 287 00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:20,941 She opened the door. Me and this bitch went to high school together. 288 00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,290 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 289 00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:24,335 I was like, "Keesha Williams, is this your son? 290 00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:27,295 "The one you had in 10th grade. This little Mai-Mai? This little Mai-Mai?" 291 00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,776 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 292 00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:33,823 Well, girl, you raised a fine young man. I didn't know what to tell her. 293 00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,607 I said he ain't goin' ever be the same. 294 00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:37,653 -[BROWN LAUGHING] -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 295 00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:42,571 But I think the biggest thing that we have now is that, you know, 296 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,573 people don't take relationship seriously anymore. 297 00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,575 People don't understand that relationships are work. 298 00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:48,577 You have to do maintenance on relationships. 299 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,927 You have to treat a relationship like a car. 300 00:11:50,971 --> 00:11:53,930 You take a car in for maintenance, get your wheels rotated, 301 00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:56,150 your oil changed, your windshield wipers. 302 00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:57,934 You've gotta do that in relationships. 303 00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,936 Some of y'all sitting here right now, 304 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,722 you've been riding around for three years with your check engine light on 305 00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:04,767 in your relationship, and then got the nerve to get mad 306 00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,856 when that bitch blow up on the highway. 307 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:08,423 You've got to put work into that. 308 00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:10,991 That's why I miss the old school, man. 309 00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:13,950 Maybe I'm just getting old. But I remember being courted. 310 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:16,561 What happened to men courting you? 311 00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:19,173 Men don't even know what the hell that is anymore, man. 312 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:22,132 I asked this dude the other day, "You going to court me?" He's like "I ain't got no cases." 313 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,438 I'm like, "You know what?" 314 00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:27,398 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 315 00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:32,708 And men knew that was levels to this shit. You know what I'm saying? 316 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,232 Dudes just didn't jump on, you know, and try to get the booty. 317 00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:37,191 Nowadays, these dudes meet you on Wednesday, 318 00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,671 screw you on Tuesday, ghost you on Wednesday. You know what I'm saying? 319 00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:43,197 No, there's levels to it. Back in the day dudes knew it was levels, man. 320 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,200 You'd meet a dude out, and he would actually approach you like a man. 321 00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,115 A gentleman. You know what I'm saying? 322 00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:51,945 Whoever you heifers out here getting mad at dudes opening your doors, 323 00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:54,686 and pulling out your chairs, I hope your ass catch rickets. 324 00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,688 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 325 00:12:56,732 --> 00:12:59,691 'Cause men don't know how to be gentlemen anymore 'cause of your dumb ass. 326 00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:00,867 You know what I'm saying? 327 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,651 'Cause you don't know how to be a lady! 328 00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:04,609 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 329 00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:06,698 You know what I'm saying? I remember dudes, man, they would talk to you, 330 00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:09,397 and they'd get your number, and they would actually call you. 331 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,790 Remember that? 332 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,182 Be on the phone till the wee hours of the night 333 00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,184 talking about, "You hang up." "No, you hang up." 334 00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:17,448 You fall asleep. "You sleep?" 335 00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:20,887 Oh, no. What you talking about that new Keith Sweat album. That's cool. You know, like... 336 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:24,020 Now, the dude gets your number. All he do is text the fuck out of you. 337 00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:26,980 Text you for six months thinking that's going to get him some ass. 338 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:29,112 And can I just say for the record, men, 339 00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:32,159 some of y'all don't ever need to text again in life because your ass can't spell. 340 00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:34,726 I'm tired of having to get a dictionary and a glossary 341 00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:36,816 to figure out what the hell you saying to me. 342 00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:39,427 If your whole text message is in red, it's wrong. 343 00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,646 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 344 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,562 And then I don't even get mad at the young'uns, the millennials, 345 00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:46,434 because that's all they know how to do. 346 00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:49,654 Slide in DMs, text you. It's you old cats that know better, 347 00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:53,049 that you came up in the era of courting a woman. You know what to do. 348 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:56,792 Your dumb ass out here, texting my ass on a flip phone. 349 00:13:56,836 --> 00:14:00,361 You ain't got no damn emojis. You making them shits with hashtags and commas. 350 00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:02,754 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 351 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,801 You're sitting up here trying to send me abbreviations like you hip. 352 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,586 You know, the young ones, they can never spell shit out. It's... 353 00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,458 WYA, where you at? WYD, what you doing? 354 00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:13,504 Here come your old ass trying to be hip. Talking about MMLA. 355 00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:14,723 "What's that?" "Meet me at the Legion." 356 00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:16,551 Get the fuck off my phone, Clarence. 357 00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,292 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 358 00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:23,993 Dudes understood it was levels, you know? 359 00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:26,387 And they didn't go out of their way to jump on the ass 360 00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:28,171 when you finally told them they could have it. 361 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:31,348 I remember a time when men knew how to romance you. 362 00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:32,654 Remember that shit? 363 00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:35,222 They would plan for that wonderful evening. 364 00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:37,528 For that monumental evening, they'd planned for it. 365 00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:40,183 You know? You would tell him he finally earned it. 366 00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:43,360 And he said, "All right, it's going down on Wednesday, but it's Monday." 367 00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:45,928 You had 72 hours to plan. 368 00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,582 He had time to do what he had to do. 369 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,149 And when that morning came around, 370 00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:51,238 girls, remember when you used to prepare for that evening? 371 00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:55,546 First thing you did was pull out that bra and panty set you've been saving. 372 00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,940 The one you only wear on special dick-cations. 373 00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:59,420 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 374 00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:01,639 So young girls don't know what I'm talking about. 375 00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:03,903 You know what I'm saying? I think that's the problem with y'all now, 376 00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:06,644 and why the stock of ass done went down, like, three percent. 377 00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:09,299 'Cause y'all are out here just giving out ass for stupid shit 378 00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:12,041 like 2 for $20 from Applebee's. You know what I'm saying? 379 00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:16,350 All he gotta do is say, "Hi, here." Bitch, what the hell wrong with you? 380 00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:19,962 But back in my day, honey, we might have had the urge to screw you early, 381 00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:22,356 but we never let that urge overcome us. 382 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:26,099 We wanted you to respect us, to earn that shit. 383 00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:27,535 Understand what I'm saying? 384 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,667 You young girls don't know what I'm talking about. 385 00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:32,670 You see, grown women know how to control their kitty cat. Yes, we do. 386 00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:35,978 And it's something very simple as wearing a certain type of drawers 387 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,980 when you go out with a man. 388 00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,200 See, when you were my age back in the day, honey, 389 00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:42,593 we went out with a dude, we might have been feeling him, wanting to give him some. 390 00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,639 We made sure we had on the right type of drawers. 391 00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:47,163 So you young girls out here going out here with thongs on and no drawers. 392 00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:49,557 That's why your little coochie running around here with no purpose, no direction. 393 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,863 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 394 00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:56,085 But my age group, honey, we knew to get that three pack you get from Walmart 395 00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:59,132 that come in pink, and baby blue, and lilac. 396 00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:02,744 The ones that were so long you can tuck under your bra and make a homemade Spanx. 397 00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,180 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 398 00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:05,834 I don't care how good your game was, 399 00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:08,228 you won't see any big ass drawers. 400 00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:11,013 But tonight he gets them little drawers, them little tiny ones. 401 00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,233 You know, the ones you put on and pull over your stomach 402 00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:16,584 and as soon as you make a breath, the motherfucker fall right here. 403 00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,194 You know some of y'all sitting here, riding them drawers, 404 00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:20,153 been stuck the whole show. 405 00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:23,330 You like, "Bitch, I think I had a stroke. I can't feel my foot." You know. 406 00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:25,854 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 407 00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:28,509 You went in the bathroom and you prepared that body for him. 408 00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:31,991 Yes, you did. You know? You prepared that body for him. 409 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:35,603 You know what I'm saying? we made sure we washed and shaved everything. 410 00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:38,301 You know what I'm saying? Yes, sir. That's old school, honey. 411 00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:41,304 You used to get that shaving cream, and that razor, and that mirror. 412 00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:42,653 Put that leg up on that sink. 413 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,526 And you got like Picasso! 414 00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:48,137 Gave him a landing strip, or a triangle, or a circle. 415 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,966 Just enough for him to know you was a grown ass woman. 416 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,707 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 417 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:55,275 But, oh, no. Now you've got these new age men. 418 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:57,233 Want it bald! 419 00:16:57,277 --> 00:17:00,976 What kind of sick ass Law and Order SVU Olivia Benson shit is this? 420 00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:03,718 I'm grown as hell. 421 00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:05,763 How the hell I look, laying on the bed, I'm 48 from here to here, 422 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:08,636 now, all of a sudden, the bitch three. That's sick, motherfucker! 423 00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:09,767 That's nasty. 424 00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:11,073 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 425 00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,467 Get on my nerves. 426 00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:16,122 I had one dude tell me "I can't eat it if it got hair in it." 427 00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:18,254 Then you ain't no real man! 428 00:17:18,298 --> 00:17:21,127 'Cause a real man eat it with hair. [IMITATES COUGHING UP HAIR] 429 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:22,693 Put your arm up. Put your arm up. 430 00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:26,219 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 431 00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:28,395 You would go out the bathroom after you dry off 432 00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:30,701 and put on your little 4 for 25, 433 00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:33,356 you know, your little sweet pea. sweet pea, warm vanilla, sugar. You know what I'm saying? 434 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,923 Whole body smelled like 3rd grade. 435 00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:37,099 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 436 00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:40,755 You put on your little outfit and go to his house, he be preparing for you all day. 437 00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:43,149 As soon as you walk in the door, you can see he got on them 438 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:44,976 dollar store candles lit with no smell. 439 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,978 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 440 00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:50,721 You know, men don't know that tea lights ain't supposed to be lit by themselves. 441 00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:55,117 They really thought they caught a deal because they got 150 for $6.99. at T.J.Maxx. 442 00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:58,947 So he done lit all 150, got the whole house smelling like hot wax and hope. 443 00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:00,514 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 444 00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:02,429 You walk in the kitchen, he done made that one meal 445 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:04,648 that all single men know how to make. Spaghetti. 446 00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:06,128 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 447 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,869 Yes, sir, honey. But you special. 448 00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:10,045 He done put that shit in two different pots. 449 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,439 Got the noodles boiling al dente. 450 00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:15,790 He got ground turkey 'cause he know you don't eat ground beef or pork. 451 00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:18,227 You know, he even put green peppers and onions in it, 452 00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:20,099 but he didn't know they suppose to be chopped up small. 453 00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:22,144 He got the whole fucking slice in there with the seeds and everything. 454 00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:24,146 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 455 00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:26,279 You know, he even put cheese on 'cause he know you like cheese. You know? 456 00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:29,151 But he don't know it supposed to be Romano, Parmesan, mozzarella. 457 00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:32,154 No, he done put 19 slices of Kraft American singles on this bitch. 458 00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:33,895 He done make this shit a quesadilla. 459 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:36,985 Now you got Mexican and Italian, you know. 460 00:18:37,028 --> 00:18:39,248 He even had your favorite wine on the table, honey. 461 00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:42,686 If you're old school like me, that shit was Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill. 462 00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:44,471 Come on, old school. 463 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:46,125 You young girls don't know what y'all are talking about 464 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,431 'cause y'all be like, "Scotto. Scotto." Scotto ain't shit. 465 00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:50,172 That's a little girl drink. 466 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:52,479 That's your jam. 467 00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:55,177 See, Scotto make you giggle, Boone's Farm make you wiggle. It's some different shit... 468 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,396 with that Boone's Farm. 469 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:01,183 After y'all finished eating, y'all would move to the living room, 470 00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:04,230 and somehow they would always produce a bowl of warm baby oil. 471 00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:06,319 I don't know where that shit came from. 472 00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:09,626 But he wanted to massage you. They always wanted to massage you. 473 00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:11,672 You know what I'm saying? He would start with the feet. 474 00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,849 And you could feel your feet just sizzling. 'Cause that shit was 412 degrees. 475 00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:16,851 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 476 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:19,158 And if he was really feeling you, 477 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:23,771 he had took the time the day before to make a slow jam mixtape. 478 00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,251 Remember that shit, old school? 479 00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:26,904 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 480 00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:28,732 Had your name on it. Keisha. 481 00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:29,994 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 482 00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,953 Had a little Jodeci, a little Keith Sweat. 483 00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:35,130 A little Luther, little Sade. 484 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,741 A little Boyz II Men so you didn't feel like a ho-hoe. 485 00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:40,396 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 486 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,572 If he didn't have that slow jam mixtape, 487 00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:45,358 he knew at ten o'clock to put that Quiet Storm on. 488 00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,925 Remember the Quiet Storm, honey? 489 00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,928 When you had Smokey, you had four hours of sex music, honey. 490 00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:53,801 If you couldn't get no ass in four hours, man, your game suck! 491 00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:55,063 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 492 00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:56,934 But you can't even trust the radios no more. 493 00:19:56,978 --> 00:19:59,241 They play too many damn commercials for one. 494 00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:01,025 They play the wrong commercial. 495 00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:03,724 You can't play slow jams and a herpes commercial. That's just wrong. 496 00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:05,291 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 497 00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:07,641 Then they mess around and play the wrong slow song. 498 00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:11,253 Ain't nothing worse. They been playing Prince or playing all the good shit. 499 00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,037 And you feel them legs just shaking 500 00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,475 'cause he's massaged you in all the right places. 501 00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:17,999 And right when about to say, "You can have it, Daddy!" 502 00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:20,610 DJ mess up the whole mood, playing the wrong slow song. 503 00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:23,352 ♪ Never would have made it 504 00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:25,354 Lord, take me home. The Lord don't want this. 505 00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:26,834 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 506 00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:28,575 The Lord don't want this. Take me home. 507 00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,881 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 508 00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:33,841 I'll tell you something, honey. Living in Atlanta opened my eyes up. 509 00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:35,886 I moved there about 5 years ago. 510 00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:38,802 And baby, y'all I'll be coming down to Atlanta on your little boys' trips. 511 00:20:38,846 --> 00:20:40,891 I see you. 512 00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:43,633 Y'all come down there, honey, and get you a bad bitch out of the strip club. 513 00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:46,288 You out there bragging. I'll be walking by, smooth as hell, 514 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,203 trying to help you out. "That's a nigga!" 515 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,944 -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] -[BROWN LAUGHING] 516 00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:52,425 "That's Tyrone." 517 00:20:52,468 --> 00:20:56,472 I mean, some of them heifers, man, make me go home and re-evaluate my life. 518 00:20:56,516 --> 00:20:58,779 They are beautiful. You understand what I'm saying? 519 00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:00,868 Which all men be so wanting perfection, honey. 520 00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:03,218 I'm saying, you meet you a bad bitch of 2021 521 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,786 you better ask that hoe for a third grade school picture. 522 00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,135 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 523 00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:08,571 'Cause y'all getting got. 524 00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:10,312 You so busy looking at that titties and that ass, 525 00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,662 you don't realize this bitch wear a size 15 shoe. 526 00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:14,360 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 527 00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:17,406 Don't know a real woman with no size 15 shoe. 528 00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:20,670 You don't realize her jawline strong as a motherfucker. 529 00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:23,369 She eat Jolly Ranchers like gummy bears, you know? 530 00:21:23,412 --> 00:21:24,718 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 531 00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:27,111 You don't realize every time she hold your hand 532 00:21:27,155 --> 00:21:29,244 that hand just encompasses your hand. 533 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,941 And her nail bed is as big as fuck. 534 00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:33,509 Every fingernail tip is a thumbnail That's a dead giveaway. 535 00:21:33,553 --> 00:21:35,250 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 536 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,861 Some of y'all are so stupid, you really be thinking, you know, 537 00:21:37,905 --> 00:21:39,994 like, "Yeah, dude." You know, "She don't make me strap up 538 00:21:40,037 --> 00:21:42,649 or wear nothing. She can't get pregnant." I bet she can't! 539 00:21:42,692 --> 00:21:44,781 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 540 00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:48,002 You thinking your pull out game's strong. Hell no. Your sperm confused as shit. 541 00:21:48,045 --> 00:21:50,700 'Cause every time you let one go, your sperm like... [SPITS] 542 00:21:50,744 --> 00:21:55,618 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 543 00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:03,191 Yo, back up. It's a setup. We just left here. We just left here. 544 00:22:03,234 --> 00:22:06,107 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 545 00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:08,370 Better find you a heifer with a c-section scar. 546 00:22:08,414 --> 00:22:10,198 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 547 00:22:10,241 --> 00:22:11,765 [BROWN CHUCKLES] 548 00:22:11,808 --> 00:22:14,115 Talking about the one with the zipper, with the staples. 549 00:22:14,158 --> 00:22:15,464 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 550 00:22:15,508 --> 00:22:17,292 But I realized since I've been in Atlanta, man, 551 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,773 I get hit on by more women than I do men. 552 00:22:19,816 --> 00:22:23,516 You know what I'm saying? And it's so funny 'cause I wasn't ready, you know? 553 00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:24,778 No disrespect, you know. 554 00:22:25,996 --> 00:22:28,521 Do you, not me. That's not my thing. 555 00:22:28,564 --> 00:22:30,218 You know, my gay friends be like, 556 00:22:30,261 --> 00:22:32,307 "Girl, How can you knock something you ain't never even tried?" 557 00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:35,310 I'm like, "Bitch, I ain't never drink battery acid, but I know it'll kill me." 558 00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:37,138 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 559 00:22:37,181 --> 00:22:38,966 I'm sorry. Ain't no man hurt me that bad yet, I ain't there yet. 560 00:22:39,009 --> 00:22:41,229 -[BROWN LAUGHING] -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 561 00:22:41,272 --> 00:22:43,927 But imma tell you something, honey. Them hoes in Atlanta, boy, 562 00:22:43,971 --> 00:22:47,235 I don't know what the hell. Them bitches are Decepticons. 563 00:22:47,278 --> 00:22:50,238 I don't know what kind of testosterone smoothie they're drinking, 564 00:22:50,281 --> 00:22:51,761 but you can't tell no more. 565 00:22:51,805 --> 00:22:53,807 You know what I'm saying? I had one roll up on me 566 00:22:53,850 --> 00:22:56,505 looking like Gucci Mane. I said, "What the fuck?" 567 00:22:56,549 --> 00:22:58,159 Bitch looked like Rick Ross. 568 00:22:58,202 --> 00:22:59,726 I'm like, "How you get a full beard and an Adam's apple." 569 00:22:59,769 --> 00:23:00,857 This is some bullshit. 570 00:23:00,901 --> 00:23:03,294 -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] -[BROWN LAUGHING] 571 00:23:03,338 --> 00:23:04,948 Let them use you. Let them use you. 572 00:23:04,992 --> 00:23:06,689 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 573 00:23:06,733 --> 00:23:08,778 For real, and I don't know if any of you ever been hollered at 574 00:23:08,822 --> 00:23:10,737 by one of them studs, as they call 'em. 575 00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:13,304 Don't look that bitch in the eye 'cause you will get got. 576 00:23:13,348 --> 00:23:14,697 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 577 00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:16,873 They know how to speak to your spirit as a woman. 578 00:23:16,917 --> 00:23:18,658 'Cause they used to be one, you know? 579 00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:21,269 Yeah, I said it. 580 00:23:21,312 --> 00:23:23,924 I'm in a club one night celebrating my girlfriend's job promotion. 581 00:23:23,967 --> 00:23:26,492 We didn't know at midnight, it turned into a lesbian club. 582 00:23:26,535 --> 00:23:27,841 We've been there since 7:00. 583 00:23:28,711 --> 00:23:30,974 Doing Patron shots. We lit! 584 00:23:31,018 --> 00:23:32,498 This motherfucker rolled up on me. 585 00:23:32,541 --> 00:23:34,717 About 6' 1", with cornrows and a baby goatee. 586 00:23:35,544 --> 00:23:37,067 I locked eyes. 587 00:23:37,111 --> 00:23:39,418 That bitch started spitting game to me better than any man. 588 00:23:39,461 --> 00:23:41,332 "Yo, what's up? 589 00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:43,117 "You're gorgeous. You're beautiful. Let me holler at you for a second. 590 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,466 "You're a queen. Let me adjust your crown. You know what I'm saying? 591 00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:46,207 "Nobody could love you the way I could love you. 592 00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:47,251 "You know what I'm saying? 'Cause I'm you and you're me. We're soulmates." 593 00:23:47,295 --> 00:23:48,470 My drunk ass like, "True, true." 594 00:23:48,514 --> 00:23:50,341 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 595 00:23:50,385 --> 00:23:53,040 "True. True!" 596 00:23:53,083 --> 00:23:54,781 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 597 00:23:54,824 --> 00:23:57,348 Yes, nigga. Now, I'm slow dancing with a bitch named Cookie. 598 00:23:57,392 --> 00:23:58,741 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 599 00:23:58,785 --> 00:24:00,787 My home girl like, "Come here." I'm like, "What?" 600 00:24:00,830 --> 00:24:03,833 She's like, "Bitch, that's a bitch." And I was like, "Bitch!" 601 00:24:03,877 --> 00:24:07,924 I done gave this hoe my number. We're going to the damn Bahamas next week. Shit. 602 00:24:07,968 --> 00:24:09,665 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 603 00:24:09,709 --> 00:24:11,580 And I can't lie. You know what I'm saying? 604 00:24:11,624 --> 00:24:18,152 I am really contemplating, thinking, possibly, about dating outside my race. 605 00:24:18,195 --> 00:24:23,374 Now, let me say for the record, I love black men! God knows I do. 606 00:24:23,418 --> 00:24:25,507 [AUDIENCE HOOTS] 607 00:24:25,551 --> 00:24:28,162 There's something about the black men I just love, honey. 608 00:24:28,205 --> 00:24:31,034 Something about his walk, his talk, his swagger. 609 00:24:31,078 --> 00:24:32,340 You know what I'm saying? 610 00:24:32,383 --> 00:24:34,516 Something about when you're in his presence, 611 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,779 you can feel the presence of the ancestors. 612 00:24:36,823 --> 00:24:42,263 ♪ Eee-yay-ye Eee-yay-ye ♪ 613 00:24:42,306 --> 00:24:43,612 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 614 00:24:43,656 --> 00:24:45,701 Something about a man that get out the shower 615 00:24:45,745 --> 00:24:48,704 and if he don't put lotion on, you can write your whole name on his back. 616 00:24:48,748 --> 00:24:51,533 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 617 00:24:51,577 --> 00:24:53,187 You can cheat on me if you want to. 618 00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:54,536 That bitch gonna be like, "Who the fuck is Cocoa?" 619 00:24:54,580 --> 00:24:56,190 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 620 00:24:56,233 --> 00:24:58,584 I will tag your back like a Puerto Rican, I swear to God. 621 00:24:58,627 --> 00:25:00,194 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 622 00:25:01,761 --> 00:25:04,633 But I've been fortunate to travel this whole world 623 00:25:04,677 --> 00:25:08,028 and meet black women from every continent, every country. 624 00:25:08,071 --> 00:25:12,336 And I hear the same shit. "I can't find a good man. Where the good men at?" 625 00:25:12,380 --> 00:25:14,382 And I'm like, this is crazy as shit to me. 626 00:25:14,425 --> 00:25:16,515 But it made me realize that there's one thing that black women 627 00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:19,430 all over the world have in common, no matter where we are. 628 00:25:19,474 --> 00:25:21,650 We are some loyal motherfuckers. 629 00:25:22,564 --> 00:25:24,523 We are loyal. 630 00:25:24,566 --> 00:25:27,830 'Cause do you realize sisters that we are the only race of women 631 00:25:27,874 --> 00:25:30,050 that base love on race? 632 00:25:30,093 --> 00:25:32,574 Any other race of women will defy her family, 633 00:25:32,618 --> 00:25:35,534 her culture, her religion for love. 634 00:25:35,577 --> 00:25:36,709 But black women, 635 00:25:36,752 --> 00:25:38,537 knowing there's a whole ocean out there, 636 00:25:39,189 --> 00:25:40,626 will stay put, 637 00:25:40,669 --> 00:25:43,237 fishing in the same lake. 638 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,369 Catching the same fucking guppies. 639 00:25:45,413 --> 00:25:46,675 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 640 00:25:46,719 --> 00:25:48,677 Hoping we get some different shit. 641 00:25:49,896 --> 00:25:52,333 And I think it's time, ladies. It's time 642 00:25:52,376 --> 00:25:57,338 for us to see beyond race and find love where it finds us. Life is too short. 643 00:25:57,381 --> 00:26:00,080 You know? But every time I do this joke, I swear, 644 00:26:00,123 --> 00:26:03,562 there's always some woke-ass, dreaded, frankincense-immersed motherfucker, 645 00:26:05,041 --> 00:26:06,782 rolling up on me, mad as shit. 646 00:26:06,826 --> 00:26:09,611 Talking about how are you gonna tell Black women to jump ship on us? 647 00:26:09,655 --> 00:26:11,961 I'm like, you got some damn nerve, Jamal! 648 00:26:12,005 --> 00:26:13,572 [CROWD LAUGHS] 649 00:26:13,615 --> 00:26:15,835 'Cause all Negroes been jumping ship on us 650 00:26:15,878 --> 00:26:17,445 since we came here on ships. 651 00:26:17,488 --> 00:26:19,229 [CROWD APPLAUDS] 652 00:26:19,273 --> 00:26:22,537 Couldn't wait to get your black ass off the boat, shackles and all, 653 00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:24,539 to holla at Miss Millie. "What is your name? 654 00:26:25,453 --> 00:26:27,411 "I've never seen skin so clear. 655 00:26:27,455 --> 00:26:29,979 "Your eyes are like the ocean. Your hair is like wheat. 656 00:26:30,023 --> 00:26:31,459 "Your skin is like milk. 657 00:26:31,502 --> 00:26:33,809 "I like to stick my spear in you. What is your name?" 658 00:26:33,853 --> 00:26:36,333 [CROWD CLAPPING] 659 00:26:36,377 --> 00:26:39,641 But got the nerve to get mad when you see a black woman jump ship. 660 00:26:39,685 --> 00:26:41,774 Lemme tell you why they get mad, boo boo. 661 00:26:41,817 --> 00:26:43,253 'Cause nine times out of ten, 662 00:26:43,297 --> 00:26:44,733 when a Black woman do jump ship, 663 00:26:44,777 --> 00:26:47,606 that bitch jump to a cruiseliner. 664 00:26:47,649 --> 00:26:50,652 When have you ever seen a Black woman jump down when she jump ship? 665 00:26:50,696 --> 00:26:52,480 Now Black men, no disrespect, 666 00:26:52,523 --> 00:26:55,048 but I have realized from my research 667 00:26:55,091 --> 00:26:59,182 that when y'all jump, y'all don't give a flying fuck where y'all land. 668 00:26:59,226 --> 00:27:03,143 I've seen y'all with some questionable flotation devices, honey. 669 00:27:03,186 --> 00:27:04,579 [CROWD CHEERING] 670 00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:07,408 You don't give a fuck, a canoe, a tugboat, a raft, 671 00:27:07,451 --> 00:27:09,105 a piece of wood, a seashell, 672 00:27:09,149 --> 00:27:10,716 you don't give a shit. 673 00:27:10,759 --> 00:27:13,022 You'll be up here giving your sisters a hard time, 674 00:27:13,066 --> 00:27:15,590 but you walking around proud as fuck with Honey Boo Boo. 675 00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:19,072 [CROWD LAUGHS] 676 00:27:19,115 --> 00:27:21,422 Never understood this shit. 677 00:27:21,465 --> 00:27:24,599 But when Black women jump ship, honey, we go hard. 678 00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:25,818 Look at the track record. 679 00:27:25,861 --> 00:27:27,950 Venus and Serena, multi-millionaires. 680 00:27:27,994 --> 00:27:29,909 Eve, billionaire. 681 00:27:29,952 --> 00:27:32,694 Janet Jackson found a man who owns sand. 682 00:27:34,087 --> 00:27:36,350 How do you own all the sand in the world? 683 00:27:36,393 --> 00:27:38,700 [CROWD LAUGHS] 684 00:27:38,744 --> 00:27:41,834 And Megan Markle got the ultimate come up. 685 00:27:41,877 --> 00:27:45,272 You can say what you want, she got a whole damn prince. 686 00:27:45,315 --> 00:27:47,753 And lemme tell you something, honey, if you do not think 687 00:27:47,796 --> 00:27:50,712 that Black girl magic is real, let me break it down to you. 688 00:27:50,756 --> 00:27:52,845 'Cause Megan Markel is the epitome. 689 00:27:52,888 --> 00:27:56,109 Megan Markel ain't but half Black, and she very rarely claimed that shit. 690 00:27:57,719 --> 00:28:00,504 But Black girl magic is so powerful 691 00:28:00,548 --> 00:28:03,116 that that biracial woman had the power 692 00:28:03,159 --> 00:28:05,814 to make a red-headed, freckle-faced white boy from England 693 00:28:06,597 --> 00:28:08,730 walk in Buckingham Palace, 694 00:28:08,774 --> 00:28:12,168 and look his grandmother, the Queen, in the face 695 00:28:12,212 --> 00:28:14,997 and say with his whole chest, "Fuck your crown! 696 00:28:15,911 --> 00:28:18,000 "Don't need none of this shit. 697 00:28:18,044 --> 00:28:21,917 "Me and my bitch is going to L.A. to make movies. Wu Tang forever, bitch!" 698 00:28:21,961 --> 00:28:24,920 [CROWD CLAPPING] 699 00:28:24,964 --> 00:28:27,967 [CROWD LAUGHS] 700 00:28:28,010 --> 00:28:30,404 And he sat there quiet as shit when she was like, 701 00:28:30,447 --> 00:28:32,580 "And your whole family racist." God damn. 702 00:28:37,106 --> 00:28:38,717 For real. 703 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,850 And my thing is this, if I am going to jump ship, 704 00:28:41,894 --> 00:28:44,070 Imma jump to something lucrative. 705 00:28:44,113 --> 00:28:47,116 I've been doing my research, and I have discovered 706 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:51,294 that Middle Eastern men love themselves some Black women. 707 00:28:51,338 --> 00:28:53,949 And hunty, lemme tell you something. 708 00:28:53,993 --> 00:28:56,517 If you think you know somebody in America with money, 709 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,346 uh-uh! Mmm-mmm! 710 00:28:59,389 --> 00:29:02,610 Get your ass to Dubai, Abu Dhabi. 711 00:29:02,653 --> 00:29:05,656 That's money, money, money, money, money, money. 712 00:29:05,700 --> 00:29:08,355 I would move there, but it's too goddamn hot. 713 00:29:08,398 --> 00:29:11,227 It's a 137 at three in the morning. 714 00:29:11,271 --> 00:29:14,578 Last time I went, I saw the devil in his shorts, said, "That's some bullshit. 715 00:29:15,884 --> 00:29:18,495 "I need to go home, I'm cooking." 716 00:29:18,539 --> 00:29:20,889 But I'm seeing people over there with ignorant money. 717 00:29:20,933 --> 00:29:23,065 I saw a dude pull up to the airport in a jet. 718 00:29:23,849 --> 00:29:25,546 [CROWD LAUGHS] 719 00:29:25,589 --> 00:29:27,243 What the fuck are you gonna get on now? 720 00:29:30,333 --> 00:29:32,858 I'm seeing chicks walking around completely covered up. 721 00:29:32,901 --> 00:29:34,816 All you can see is this shit. 722 00:29:34,860 --> 00:29:37,993 $50,000 Rolex, $100,000 Birkin. 723 00:29:38,037 --> 00:29:40,474 Red bottoms I ain't never seen before. 724 00:29:40,517 --> 00:29:42,432 I said, for that kind of come up, 725 00:29:42,476 --> 00:29:45,609 shit, I'd be a sheet-wearing bitch with a midget blowing smoke up my ass. 726 00:29:46,828 --> 00:29:48,482 I'm like, "Come on, Habib." 727 00:29:49,744 --> 00:29:51,572 [CROWD LAUGHS] 728 00:29:51,615 --> 00:29:54,183 And I'll tell you something. I'm taking my Black ass to Abu Dhabi. 729 00:29:54,227 --> 00:29:57,317 I am. I'm gonna take my chances and watch what happens. 730 00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:01,495 Next time you see me, I'll be standing next to a Bentley and a jet. 731 00:30:01,538 --> 00:30:04,019 Holding a beige baby like DJ Kala Loki. 732 00:30:06,282 --> 00:30:07,631 I'm gonna be standing there, 733 00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:09,982 wearing a whole burka. 734 00:30:12,158 --> 00:30:15,161 Hey y'all, this is little Loch-Loch. Yeah, me and Loch-Loch, 735 00:30:15,204 --> 00:30:17,337 you know his daddy, Muhammad. 736 00:30:17,380 --> 00:30:19,818 Yeah, That's my jet. Hold, little girl. We gotta pray. 737 00:30:21,732 --> 00:30:25,519 I will never do my makeup again, but my lashes will be on fleek. 738 00:30:26,215 --> 00:30:28,565 [CROWD CHEERING] 739 00:30:35,442 --> 00:30:38,271 I think every Black woman should get her an Asian man. 740 00:30:38,314 --> 00:30:41,491 You know much money they're making off us Black women? 741 00:30:41,535 --> 00:30:45,713 With hair and nails, and we ain't getting none of that back? Shit. 742 00:30:45,756 --> 00:30:48,672 I'm looking for Me and Mr. Miyagi. 743 00:30:48,716 --> 00:30:51,197 Yeah, yeah, but I ain't going forget where I came from. 744 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,416 Hell, no. We're just gonna combine our cultures. 745 00:30:53,460 --> 00:30:55,201 Get a hot wing nail salon, beauty supply. 746 00:30:56,637 --> 00:30:58,508 You come in and and get some French tips, 747 00:30:58,552 --> 00:31:01,642 six bundles of Yaki Bone Straight and a ten-piece Lemon Pepper Wet, 748 00:31:01,685 --> 00:31:03,252 all in one shot. 749 00:31:03,296 --> 00:31:05,559 Call that shit, Ling Ling Brown's Wings and Weaves. 750 00:31:06,516 --> 00:31:08,475 Make that shit a franchise. 751 00:31:09,780 --> 00:31:12,261 Yes, and I do wanna, you know, try a White boy. 752 00:31:12,305 --> 00:31:13,306 How you doing? 753 00:31:14,916 --> 00:31:17,963 I do. I wanna know what that white privilege feel like. 754 00:31:19,747 --> 00:31:22,837 Walk into a bank or a car dealership and hear words 755 00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:25,144 like welcome, thank you for coming, you're approved. 756 00:31:27,973 --> 00:31:30,714 You mean, we ain't got to get no co-signer and no money down? 757 00:31:30,758 --> 00:31:32,368 Shit, Ethan, we're gonna make it. 758 00:31:34,153 --> 00:31:36,111 Hell, yeah. 759 00:31:36,155 --> 00:31:39,898 Shit, I like the way white boys think. They work real hard for 30 years. 760 00:31:39,941 --> 00:31:42,857 Retire, move to Florida, buy a boat, go missing, life is good. 761 00:31:45,294 --> 00:31:47,253 I know a lot of sisters talking about 762 00:31:47,296 --> 00:31:48,950 well, I don't know about white boys, 763 00:31:48,994 --> 00:31:50,996 you know, because y'all still believe that myth 764 00:31:51,039 --> 00:31:53,520 about penis size. Don't you believe that shit. 765 00:31:53,563 --> 00:31:55,565 I've been watching a lot of white porn lately. 766 00:31:57,698 --> 00:32:01,789 There's some white boys out here swinging. Got them choke 'ems. 767 00:32:01,832 --> 00:32:03,182 You ever had a choke 'em? 768 00:32:03,225 --> 00:32:04,792 Thing so big, when you put it in 769 00:32:04,835 --> 00:32:06,968 make you sound like the lion in The Wizard of Oz. 770 00:32:07,012 --> 00:32:09,275 [GASPS] Take it out. Take it out. I need courage. 771 00:32:09,318 --> 00:32:12,539 I need courage. It's too big. [EXCLAIMING] 772 00:32:15,194 --> 00:32:18,980 I'm looking around the room, and some of you may have never heard that sound before. 773 00:32:19,024 --> 00:32:21,200 [CROWD LAUGHS] 774 00:32:23,463 --> 00:32:26,422 That's all right. Let me give you a sound, you might have heard. 775 00:32:26,466 --> 00:32:27,989 [SIGHS] 776 00:32:28,033 --> 00:32:31,558 [CROWD CLAPPING AND CHEERING] 777 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:38,826 [LAUGHS MISCHIEVOUSLY] 778 00:32:41,655 --> 00:32:46,355 And it's funny because, you know, I think the thing that irritates me is that, 779 00:32:46,399 --> 00:32:48,836 you know, we have come so disconnected, 780 00:32:48,879 --> 00:32:51,230 as men and women, when it comes to relationships. 781 00:32:51,273 --> 00:32:54,189 You know, men think they're players and women think they're players. 782 00:32:54,233 --> 00:32:56,713 But in the end, let's be 100. 783 00:32:56,757 --> 00:32:58,933 Women are the most gangster at that shit. 784 00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:01,022 We're the most gangster at that shit. 785 00:33:01,066 --> 00:33:03,024 Men think they're such players, you know. 786 00:33:03,068 --> 00:33:06,419 But y'all messed up the game every time because y'all have different values 787 00:33:06,462 --> 00:33:09,509 when it comes to out here living your life and doing dirt. 788 00:33:09,552 --> 00:33:13,034 You know, when it comes to cheating, y'all believe in quantity over quality. 789 00:33:13,078 --> 00:33:14,775 And therefore you got 790 00:33:14,818 --> 00:33:16,951 a whole bunch of bitches that you can't manage, 791 00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:18,735 like you're some unorganized pimp. 792 00:33:22,217 --> 00:33:25,264 Really I blame a lot of you men for chicks on the side 793 00:33:25,307 --> 00:33:26,787 not knowing their role anymore. 794 00:33:26,830 --> 00:33:29,137 They're walking around with a chip on their shoulder, 795 00:33:29,181 --> 00:33:31,922 thinking they're the main bitch, 'cause your ass lying to 'em, 796 00:33:31,966 --> 00:33:36,840 giving her hopes and dreams, telling her she's gonna be main bitch in August 2021. 797 00:33:36,884 --> 00:33:40,279 Now she's walking around with a calendar with a hope in her heart. 798 00:33:40,322 --> 00:33:42,846 No one on the side's supposed to have hope in her heart. 799 00:33:42,890 --> 00:33:44,413 They don't know their role no more. 800 00:33:44,457 --> 00:33:46,894 That's why some of y'all need to go talk to a OG, 801 00:33:46,937 --> 00:33:48,461 because an OG understood the game. 802 00:33:48,504 --> 00:33:51,072 You know, these OG's never disrespected the queen. 803 00:33:51,116 --> 00:33:53,074 They never brought their dirt home. 804 00:33:53,118 --> 00:33:55,424 You know what I'm saying, OG man, shoot, he could be 805 00:33:55,468 --> 00:33:59,907 married with four kids, have a whole another family across town. 806 00:33:59,950 --> 00:34:02,823 And that side bitch knew that they never leave Brooklyn. She knew. 807 00:34:05,130 --> 00:34:07,088 But these new wave side chicks got cocky. 808 00:34:07,132 --> 00:34:09,134 They're arrogant, you know what I'm saying, 809 00:34:09,177 --> 00:34:11,092 and it's so funny 'cause I blame you men, 810 00:34:11,136 --> 00:34:14,008 like women, you know, young men, you have to keep lying to chicks 811 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,750 and giving them this hope and you know making them promises. 812 00:34:16,793 --> 00:34:18,273 See, women are the best cheaters. 813 00:34:18,317 --> 00:34:20,797 When it comes down to cheating, we're the best cheaters. 814 00:34:20,841 --> 00:34:23,452 Because unlike men who have to keep rotating out their women, 815 00:34:23,496 --> 00:34:26,064 'cause the bitch catch feelings and start doing dumb shit, 816 00:34:26,107 --> 00:34:28,283 like tagging your wife in pictures on Facebook, 817 00:34:29,632 --> 00:34:31,199 women ain't got to deal with that. 818 00:34:31,243 --> 00:34:33,288 We can keep a side dude for decades, 819 00:34:33,332 --> 00:34:34,855 you know what I'm saying? 820 00:34:34,898 --> 00:34:37,249 You know, he's very happy being DOC, Dick On Call. 821 00:34:37,292 --> 00:34:39,120 That's it. 822 00:34:39,164 --> 00:34:41,514 That's all he is. You know what I'm saying? We ain't gotta lie to him. 823 00:34:41,557 --> 00:34:44,256 We can sit him down day 1 and give him the rules of engagement. 824 00:34:44,299 --> 00:34:47,520 Look here, bro, don't call me except on Tuesday between 2:00 and 2:03. 825 00:34:48,564 --> 00:34:50,000 If I answer, I want some. 826 00:34:50,044 --> 00:34:51,393 If I don't, let that shit ride. 827 00:34:52,525 --> 00:34:54,135 Now, if I answer, I might be with him, 828 00:34:54,179 --> 00:34:55,615 so Imma sneeze 3 times. 829 00:34:55,658 --> 00:34:57,921 [IMITATES SNEEZING] 830 00:34:57,965 --> 00:35:00,620 That mean meet me at the Holiday Inn by the airport, room 202, 831 00:35:00,663 --> 00:35:02,883 that's the room face the pool, not the street. 832 00:35:02,926 --> 00:35:05,015 Now, when you get there, don't you come to 202. 833 00:35:05,059 --> 00:35:06,887 Go down to the front desk, get the key for 200. 834 00:35:06,930 --> 00:35:09,759 You're gonna come through 200, come through the interior door to 202. 835 00:35:09,803 --> 00:35:11,674 Now while we're doing it, don't you ever ask me whose is it, 836 00:35:11,718 --> 00:35:14,373 'cause Imma tell you the truth. His. You're just borrowing this shit. 837 00:35:14,416 --> 00:35:18,159 And if you ever see me out with my main dude, don't you ever acknowledge my presence. 838 00:35:18,203 --> 00:35:19,726 But if you wanna let me know 839 00:35:19,769 --> 00:35:22,250 I can get that whenever I need, a simple... will suffice. 840 00:35:22,294 --> 00:35:25,862 [CROWD CHEERING] 841 00:35:25,906 --> 00:35:28,996 Be gangster with that shit. Be gangster with that shit. 842 00:35:29,039 --> 00:35:31,216 Trust me. Trust me, We're so gangster 843 00:35:31,259 --> 00:35:35,481 there's a chick in here right now sitting next to her main dude and her side dude. 844 00:35:35,524 --> 00:35:39,267 And her main dude think her side dude is her cousin, visiting from Jersey. 845 00:35:39,311 --> 00:35:41,878 We're just that gangster with it, you know what I'm saying? 846 00:35:41,922 --> 00:35:45,578 I'm gonna tell you how we know, I know that women are gangster with it. 847 00:35:45,621 --> 00:35:48,537 My aunt and uncle were married for 64 years, man. 848 00:35:48,581 --> 00:35:51,366 They had that Ossie Davis, Ruby Dee, 849 00:35:51,410 --> 00:35:53,716 Michelle and Obama, you know what I'm saying, 850 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,849 Denzel and Pauletta shit, you know, 851 00:35:55,892 --> 00:35:58,156 they had that marriage everybody talked about. 852 00:35:58,199 --> 00:36:00,897 And when my aunt passed away, beautiful funeral, I mean, 853 00:36:00,941 --> 00:36:02,986 400 family members just came from everywhere, 854 00:36:03,030 --> 00:36:05,815 packing in a little country church, and we waving at cousins 855 00:36:05,859 --> 00:36:07,904 we ain't seen in years, you know. 856 00:36:07,948 --> 00:36:14,084 But this one man walked in, in a lavender suit, and some purple Stacy Adams. 857 00:36:14,128 --> 00:36:16,435 I'm assuming he was an OQ or something. 858 00:36:17,044 --> 00:36:20,830 [CROWD LAUGHS] 859 00:36:20,874 --> 00:36:23,833 And he walked up to my aunt's casket 860 00:36:23,877 --> 00:36:26,358 and laid a single rose on her body. 861 00:36:26,401 --> 00:36:27,881 Blew her a kiss and walked out. 862 00:36:29,012 --> 00:36:30,753 Now, when we get to the repast, 863 00:36:30,797 --> 00:36:33,756 I find that one aunt that know everybody's business. 864 00:36:35,584 --> 00:36:37,630 And I gave her a couple of glasses of Riunite. 865 00:36:39,762 --> 00:36:41,634 And I started asking questions. 866 00:36:41,677 --> 00:36:44,245 And I said, "Ooh, Aunt Linda, that was a beautiful funeral. 867 00:36:44,289 --> 00:36:46,204 "Wasn't she so pretty? She looked so peaceful." 868 00:36:46,247 --> 00:36:49,119 I don't know why black folks always say it looked like they were sleeping, 869 00:36:49,163 --> 00:36:51,818 they were sleeping, you know. And she said, "Yes, baby, yes." 870 00:36:51,861 --> 00:36:53,950 I said, "I was just curious. 871 00:36:53,994 --> 00:36:56,170 "There was that one man in the purple suit. 872 00:36:58,607 --> 00:37:01,262 "I didn't know him." And she just started laughing. 873 00:37:01,306 --> 00:37:03,264 [LAUGHS WICKEDLY] 874 00:37:04,787 --> 00:37:08,748 "Baby, that's Bernard." I said, "Bernard?" 875 00:37:08,791 --> 00:37:10,750 I'm like, "I don't have no Uncle Bernard." 876 00:37:10,793 --> 00:37:13,840 I said, "Who's he?" "Your auntie's boyfriend." 877 00:37:13,883 --> 00:37:15,189 I said, "Wait, wait, wait. 878 00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:16,538 "How the devil did she have a boyfriend? 879 00:37:16,582 --> 00:37:18,975 "She was married to Uncle Walter for 64 years. 880 00:37:19,019 --> 00:37:20,760 "How long were they together?" "63." 881 00:37:22,327 --> 00:37:25,852 I think one of the biggest things, too, that I've noticed 882 00:37:25,895 --> 00:37:29,725 is that, you know, people really think the grass is greener. 883 00:37:29,769 --> 00:37:33,686 You know, and they don't appreciate what they have. So quick to jump around 884 00:37:33,729 --> 00:37:35,862 and hop around, which is dangerous nowadays. 885 00:37:35,905 --> 00:37:38,865 Y'all acting like COVID the only shit out here killing people. 886 00:37:38,908 --> 00:37:41,607 That AIDS shit is still real, God damn it! 887 00:37:41,650 --> 00:37:43,696 But I'll tell you, man, I just realized, 888 00:37:43,739 --> 00:37:46,829 you know, I said, I'll tell people all the time you know, I'm grateful. 889 00:37:46,873 --> 00:37:48,744 I've been doing this shit 25 years, man. 890 00:37:48,788 --> 00:37:53,880 I love this shit, you know. I do, you know? 891 00:37:53,923 --> 00:37:56,317 [CROWD CHEERING] 892 00:37:56,361 --> 00:37:59,146 You know, I appreciate my fans and I appreciate everything. 893 00:37:59,189 --> 00:38:01,670 'Cause this is a hard ass game, you know? 894 00:38:01,714 --> 00:38:05,065 But I'm starting to realize that I'm starting to go up levels, you know, 895 00:38:05,108 --> 00:38:07,197 certain shit is happening in my life. 896 00:38:07,241 --> 00:38:10,200 And I'm like, oh shit, I'm making it making it. 897 00:38:10,244 --> 00:38:13,900 You know, I recently hired a new assistant, I got a white girl working for me now. 898 00:38:13,943 --> 00:38:15,728 [CROWD CHEERING] 899 00:38:17,556 --> 00:38:20,298 I got white agents and white assistant. 900 00:38:20,341 --> 00:38:22,648 I know every time them motherfuckers say Miss Brown, 901 00:38:22,691 --> 00:38:24,345 my ancestors are pleased. 902 00:38:27,435 --> 00:38:29,785 We have overcome. Yes, you know. 903 00:38:29,829 --> 00:38:33,006 I got me a publicist now, and I'm thinking about all the ignorant shit 904 00:38:33,049 --> 00:38:34,964 I can do to drive her fucking crazy. 905 00:38:35,008 --> 00:38:37,489 Because there's some celebrities I hear do ignorant shit. 906 00:38:37,532 --> 00:38:39,578 I said, I want to do ignorant shit. 907 00:38:39,621 --> 00:38:42,015 I want to do ignorant shit, like chew a piece of gum 908 00:38:42,058 --> 00:38:44,800 and say, "Bitch, hold this." You know what I'm saying? 909 00:38:44,844 --> 00:38:47,760 I wanna do shit like eat crab claws and hand the bitch the claws. 910 00:38:47,803 --> 00:38:51,067 Say, "Bitch, hold your hands like this. Here, just hold the crab claws." 911 00:38:51,111 --> 00:38:52,721 I want to hand a bitch a pair of dirty drawers 912 00:38:52,765 --> 00:38:55,028 and say, "Bitch, hide these. They've got evidence." 913 00:38:55,071 --> 00:38:56,421 [LAUGHS] 914 00:38:57,683 --> 00:38:59,728 That's one of the biggest issues with my name, 915 00:38:59,772 --> 00:39:03,384 when I came up with the name Cocoa Brown, it just rolled off the tongue. 916 00:39:03,428 --> 00:39:05,995 Another comic and me came up with a stage name for me. 917 00:39:06,039 --> 00:39:08,346 I loved it. Here I am 25 years later. 918 00:39:08,389 --> 00:39:12,175 And now I've got to worry about competing with a fucking porn star. 919 00:39:12,219 --> 00:39:14,830 Like my shit is C-O-C-O-A, her shit is C-O. 920 00:39:14,874 --> 00:39:17,833 I didn't even know it was a porn star out there with that name, man. 921 00:39:17,877 --> 00:39:20,836 So I got a call a few years ago, and they was like, "Hey, is this Cocoa Brown?" 922 00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,143 I said, "Yeah." He said, "We got a gig for you, 25 grand." 923 00:39:23,186 --> 00:39:25,711 "I'll take it." 924 00:39:25,754 --> 00:39:29,105 And they was like, "Great Cocoa, and we'll give you 30 grand if you do anal." 925 00:39:29,149 --> 00:39:31,369 I'm like, "Hey, what kind of comedy club is this?" 926 00:39:34,589 --> 00:39:37,984 Fuck! And they were like, "No, we're looking for Coco Brown, the porn star." 927 00:39:38,027 --> 00:39:39,986 I said, "No, I'm Cocoa Brown, the comedian." 928 00:39:40,029 --> 00:39:44,643 They said, "We're sorry." I'm like, "No worries," but damn, you know, 929 00:39:47,254 --> 00:39:49,212 30 grand for anal, huh? 930 00:39:50,213 --> 00:39:51,476 Can I wear a mask? 931 00:39:51,519 --> 00:39:55,262 My daddy a deacon, I don't need any problems. 932 00:39:55,305 --> 00:39:58,874 That's what I don't understand about these dudes now, how the roles have reversed. 933 00:39:58,918 --> 00:40:00,702 The roles have reversed. 934 00:40:00,746 --> 00:40:03,183 You know what I'm saying, like when you used to argue with a man, 935 00:40:03,226 --> 00:40:04,880 you know, men had this way about them. 936 00:40:04,924 --> 00:40:08,318 They would shut an argument down with a look. They'd walk away. 937 00:40:08,362 --> 00:40:11,539 Now these new age punk-ass niggas wanna fucking argue with you back 938 00:40:11,583 --> 00:40:14,499 clapping their hands and shit, rolling their motherfucking head 939 00:40:14,542 --> 00:40:16,239 and stomping off in Nike flip flops. 940 00:40:16,283 --> 00:40:17,589 What the fuck is this shit? 941 00:40:17,632 --> 00:40:24,030 [CROWD CLAPPING] 942 00:40:24,073 --> 00:40:27,686 You know how it just makes all the respect for a man go out of your system 943 00:40:27,729 --> 00:40:29,514 when a motherfucker walk off like this. 944 00:40:33,953 --> 00:40:35,345 The roles have reversed. 945 00:40:35,389 --> 00:40:37,522 You know what I'm saying. it's like back in the day, 946 00:40:37,565 --> 00:40:39,959 remember, you'd meet a dude, and he would tell you 947 00:40:40,002 --> 00:40:42,831 that he didn't want a relationship, don't get caught up, you know. 948 00:40:42,875 --> 00:40:45,965 Now, It's us saying that shit to them. 949 00:40:46,008 --> 00:40:49,490 You got so many boss chicks out here running shit with their own cribs, 950 00:40:49,534 --> 00:40:51,884 their own bank, their own stocks, their own shit. 951 00:40:51,927 --> 00:40:54,060 And you out here messing with a little something on the side, 952 00:40:54,103 --> 00:40:55,496 messing with a little dude. 953 00:40:55,540 --> 00:40:57,803 He ain't got much, but that ding-a-ling is straight. 954 00:40:57,846 --> 00:40:59,892 You'll fly the little motherfucker out. 955 00:40:59,935 --> 00:41:02,982 Yeah, I do. I ain't gonna front. I'll be flying these little motherfuckers out. 956 00:41:03,025 --> 00:41:05,767 There's certain levels, though. Some motherfuckers get Delta. 957 00:41:05,811 --> 00:41:07,682 Some get Spirit. You know what I'm saying? 958 00:41:09,423 --> 00:41:11,860 You earn your spot. You earn your spot. 959 00:41:11,904 --> 00:41:15,821 You know? But ain't nothing worse, you know what I'm saying, the roles are reversed now, 960 00:41:15,864 --> 00:41:17,823 that you sitting up here being a dude. 961 00:41:17,866 --> 00:41:20,303 I flew a little young'un down to The Bahamas, right? 962 00:41:20,347 --> 00:41:22,175 I was like, meet me at the airport. 963 00:41:22,218 --> 00:41:24,482 Just bring something, you know, some shorts and shit. You're good. 964 00:41:24,525 --> 00:41:27,789 We get to the dang hotel, beautiful air, sweet and shit, looking over the fucking ocean, 965 00:41:27,833 --> 00:41:30,488 he in there with an attitude on the bed with his arms folded. 966 00:41:30,531 --> 00:41:32,185 I said, "What is wrong with you?" 967 00:41:32,228 --> 00:41:34,753 "I feel like a piece of meat. 968 00:41:34,796 --> 00:41:37,407 "I've got feelings for you and this is what the fuck you do? 969 00:41:37,451 --> 00:41:39,235 "You treat me like a piece of meat." 970 00:41:39,279 --> 00:41:42,021 Now I feel like the fucking nigga 'cause I'm sitting up there like, 971 00:41:42,064 --> 00:41:43,718 "You knew what the fuck it was. 972 00:41:43,762 --> 00:41:45,851 "Now you're disrespectful, you're ungrateful as shit. 973 00:41:45,894 --> 00:41:48,418 "I just bought you this beautiful-ass shit and you sit up here, giving me shit? 974 00:41:48,462 --> 00:41:51,160 "I told you what it was. Put those goddamn Nike flip flops on, 975 00:41:51,204 --> 00:41:52,988 "and let's go get some goddamn breakfast." 976 00:41:53,815 --> 00:41:54,947 He walking behind me. 977 00:41:54,990 --> 00:41:56,296 Flip flop, flip flop. 978 00:41:58,559 --> 00:42:02,171 [CROWD LAUGHS] 979 00:42:02,215 --> 00:42:05,914 Bring back real men, please! 980 00:42:05,958 --> 00:42:09,701 Seriously, you know what I'm saying, 'cause I like a certain type of dude, 981 00:42:09,744 --> 00:42:12,007 you know what I'm saying. I like a man's man. 982 00:42:12,051 --> 00:42:14,880 I'm a traditional woman, even though I'm here telling these jokes, 983 00:42:14,923 --> 00:42:18,579 and I'm on TV shows and movies and all this shit, I'm still a very traditional woman. 984 00:42:18,623 --> 00:42:20,407 I take all this shit off and I go home 985 00:42:20,450 --> 00:42:22,931 and I cook and I clean, and I take care of my child. 986 00:42:22,975 --> 00:42:24,890 I'm very traditional. 987 00:42:24,933 --> 00:42:28,502 Feel like I know my role and he should know his, you know what I'm saying? 988 00:42:28,546 --> 00:42:30,504 But it ain't like that no more, man. 989 00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:33,725 And it's funny because the one thing I have realized, I've learned 990 00:42:33,768 --> 00:42:36,292 I must share with you all 'cause I hope y'all hear me. 991 00:42:36,336 --> 00:42:39,992 One of the biggest things, ladies, I think we can do to help this shit 992 00:42:40,035 --> 00:42:42,690 is to learn how to pick our battles. 993 00:42:42,734 --> 00:42:46,259 I think a lot of us just argue and nitpick over the stupidest shit. 994 00:42:46,302 --> 00:42:47,782 We don't know how to handle shit. 995 00:42:47,826 --> 00:42:50,611 When it happens, we hold shit in and blow up 996 00:42:50,655 --> 00:42:53,396 when it's the most inconvenient, unnecessary time. 997 00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:58,401 And I think what made me realize that is that one day I was in a store, 998 00:42:58,445 --> 00:43:03,145 and I heard this little young girl going off on her man, flipping, just acting a fool. 999 00:43:03,189 --> 00:43:05,974 And I'm sitting up here like, what the hell is wrong with her? 1000 00:43:06,018 --> 00:43:08,063 And she was cussing her man out 1001 00:43:08,107 --> 00:43:11,371 because he wanted to get home and watch the game. 1002 00:43:11,414 --> 00:43:13,503 I'm like, "You dumb ass heifer." 1003 00:43:13,547 --> 00:43:16,071 He said the two key words, "Get home." 1004 00:43:16,115 --> 00:43:19,248 You know where the fuck he at. What are you bitching for? 1005 00:43:19,945 --> 00:43:21,381 Okay? Like heifer... 1006 00:43:21,424 --> 00:43:24,079 Like some of y'all are sitting here right now, 1007 00:43:24,123 --> 00:43:25,428 your man on a milk carton. 1008 00:43:25,472 --> 00:43:30,042 He ain't missing. You know where the hell he's at, 1009 00:43:30,085 --> 00:43:32,348 but he won't come home to your nagging ass. 1010 00:43:32,392 --> 00:43:35,482 You gotta pick them battles, honey. And I've never understood women 1011 00:43:35,525 --> 00:43:38,616 who don't like men who like sports anyway, 'cause that shit kills me. 1012 00:43:38,659 --> 00:43:41,967 I love a man that love sports so much that I believe in manifestation. 1013 00:43:42,010 --> 00:43:44,273 And I believe that if you already create something, 1014 00:43:44,317 --> 00:43:46,493 and if you stay ready, you ain't gotta get ready. 1015 00:43:46,536 --> 00:43:49,365 So during the pandemic, honey, I had a whole room in my basement 1016 00:43:49,409 --> 00:43:51,324 and I converted that shit into a man cave. 1017 00:43:51,367 --> 00:43:54,370 Because I figured if I had a man cave, the Good Lord will send me a man. 1018 00:43:57,069 --> 00:43:59,549 And I got that bitch arranged. You hear me? 1019 00:43:59,593 --> 00:44:04,729 200-inch screen, Dolby surround sound, butter leather massage chairs. 1020 00:44:04,772 --> 00:44:07,949 I got a whole bar fully stocked from light to dark liquor, 1021 00:44:07,993 --> 00:44:11,823 I got me a doggone cabinet full of prerolled blunts and cigars. 1022 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,044 Okay, I got a stripper pole in that bitch with a money gun. 1023 00:44:18,656 --> 00:44:20,701 I got a phone that only dials four numbers, 1024 00:44:20,745 --> 00:44:22,877 Pizza Hut, Papa John's, Domino's and Popeye's. 1025 00:44:24,270 --> 00:44:26,359 I don't know what the Good Lord's gonna send me, 1026 00:44:26,402 --> 00:44:28,448 so I put every fucking jersey on the wall. 1027 00:44:28,491 --> 00:44:30,972 I've got football and basketball just in case he's Black. 1028 00:44:31,016 --> 00:44:35,542 Baseball and hockey, just in case he invite a Mexican. 1029 00:44:35,585 --> 00:44:38,632 I'm prepared, honey. Stay ready so you ain't got to get ready. 1030 00:44:38,676 --> 00:44:40,939 I met one dude during the pandemic, honey. 1031 00:44:40,982 --> 00:44:44,246 I had him in my basement so long, his mama came looking for him. 1032 00:44:44,290 --> 00:44:47,293 She was like, "When's Tony coming home?" I said, "Three more weeks, 1033 00:44:47,336 --> 00:44:50,557 It's the playoffs. He'll be all right. He's eating." 1034 00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,081 Men love three things. Money, ass and sports. 1035 00:44:53,125 --> 00:44:54,300 That's it. 1036 00:44:54,343 --> 00:44:56,345 Women, we got the cookie, 1037 00:44:56,389 --> 00:44:58,304 and if he's a real man, he making money, 1038 00:44:58,347 --> 00:45:00,349 and if he loves you, he's sharing it with you. 1039 00:45:00,393 --> 00:45:03,396 And sports is simple. Okay, you don't like sports? 1040 00:45:03,439 --> 00:45:05,746 Why? 'Cause he ignores me when the game is on. 1041 00:45:05,790 --> 00:45:06,834 Of course he does. 1042 00:45:06,878 --> 00:45:08,314 When men are watching games, 1043 00:45:08,357 --> 00:45:10,316 all they care about is the calls of the ref. 1044 00:45:10,359 --> 00:45:12,492 They don't give a fuck what you got to say. 1045 00:45:12,535 --> 00:45:15,538 You can run in that room yelling "Fire!" but you follow that shit with a touchdown, 1046 00:45:15,582 --> 00:45:16,626 bitch, you gonna burn. 1047 00:45:18,193 --> 00:45:20,239 And most men, when they watch games, 1048 00:45:20,282 --> 00:45:23,764 honestly, when they're fixated, they're really living vicariously 1049 00:45:23,808 --> 00:45:26,245 through their favorite team and their favorite players. 1050 00:45:26,288 --> 00:45:28,638 You think I'm lying? Watch your man watch the game. 1051 00:45:28,682 --> 00:45:32,338 At some point, he's gonna say "I could have played ball. 1052 00:45:32,381 --> 00:45:35,950 "I was real good in high school. They was hating on me." 1053 00:45:35,994 --> 00:45:38,648 Don't remind him he's 50 and he dropped out. Don't do that. 1054 00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:44,742 Sure, if you want his attention, honey, then why don't you watch a game or two? 1055 00:45:44,785 --> 00:45:47,309 Learn some of them plays and bring that shit in the bedroom 1056 00:45:47,353 --> 00:45:49,921 and let him live his fantasy out on you. 1057 00:45:49,964 --> 00:45:53,838 If your man love basketball and he in the bed talking shit tonight, don't be giggling. 1058 00:45:53,881 --> 00:45:57,145 Hell, no. You talk to his ass like he's on the court. You're Phil Jackson. 1059 00:45:57,189 --> 00:45:59,191 When he say, "Baby, let's have a threesome"? 1060 00:45:59,234 --> 00:46:00,845 "Uh-uh. Let's play one on one." 1061 00:46:00,888 --> 00:46:03,586 "Can I put my thing up your ass?" "Nope. That's a tech." 1062 00:46:06,851 --> 00:46:09,592 "Can I kiss you after I go down?" "Ooh, double dribble." 1063 00:46:12,421 --> 00:46:14,293 "Well, I'm about to go see another bitch." 1064 00:46:14,336 --> 00:46:16,686 "Oh, you traveling?" 1065 00:46:16,730 --> 00:46:20,342 If your man love football, don't bitch and moan that he didn't clean the garage or whatever. 1066 00:46:20,386 --> 00:46:22,127 You wait for him when the game is over, 1067 00:46:22,170 --> 00:46:24,259 butt naked with a football helmet on. 1068 00:46:24,303 --> 00:46:26,696 Be on top of the bed in a three-point stance. 1069 00:46:26,740 --> 00:46:29,177 As soon as he walks through the door, "Blue 32. 1070 00:46:29,221 --> 00:46:31,179 "Blue 32. 1071 00:46:31,223 --> 00:46:34,052 "Hut, hut, fuck!" 1072 00:46:34,095 --> 00:46:36,445 And while y'all are doing it, you call out shit like he on the field. 1073 00:46:36,489 --> 00:46:39,057 When he hits your spot, "First down!" 1074 00:46:39,100 --> 00:46:41,537 He tries to put it in your ass. "Interception." 1075 00:46:43,235 --> 00:46:45,672 He tries to put it in your face. "Illegal motion." 1076 00:46:45,715 --> 00:46:47,369 He try to make you lick his balls. 1077 00:46:47,413 --> 00:46:49,328 "Facemask." 1078 00:46:49,371 --> 00:46:51,852 You're going too fast and that ding-a-ling pop out? "Passing the first." 1079 00:46:51,896 --> 00:46:53,375 He starts choking? "You holding. 1080 00:46:53,419 --> 00:46:55,813 "Personal foul. Unnecessary roughness." 1081 00:46:58,250 --> 00:47:00,078 He said he wanted to have a threesome? 1082 00:47:00,121 --> 00:47:03,124 "Offside. There's too many motherfuckers on the field." 1083 00:47:03,168 --> 00:47:05,779 He say he's about to come and you ain't get your shit yet? 1084 00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:07,563 "Flag on the play. False start. Offence." 1085 00:47:08,695 --> 00:47:13,831 [CROWD CLAPPING AND CHEERING] 1086 00:47:13,874 --> 00:47:19,271 Whassup? That's how it works, baby. Shit. 1087 00:47:19,314 --> 00:47:21,926 Yeah. Walmart about to be sold out of football helmets tomorrow. 1088 00:47:25,712 --> 00:47:27,627 But I will say this, man. 1089 00:47:27,670 --> 00:47:31,587 I hope y'all realize that, even though the pandemic was crazy 1090 00:47:31,631 --> 00:47:36,201 and everything that we went through was crazy, I hope y'all realize what God did. 1091 00:47:36,244 --> 00:47:38,377 God gave us a reset button. 1092 00:47:38,420 --> 00:47:42,033 He made us sit our asses down. 1093 00:47:42,076 --> 00:47:43,904 Even though we lost too many unnecessary lives 1094 00:47:43,948 --> 00:47:46,951 over stupid shit and a lot of shit was crazy, 1095 00:47:46,994 --> 00:47:50,215 he gave us a reset, but some of us were on our way 1096 00:47:50,258 --> 00:47:51,651 to a early grave. 1097 00:47:51,694 --> 00:47:53,958 Just working, working, working with no destination 1098 00:47:54,001 --> 00:47:55,611 in sight other than an early grave. 1099 00:47:55,655 --> 00:47:56,786 That was it. 1100 00:47:56,830 --> 00:47:58,397 He made us sit down, man. 1101 00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:00,965 And I hope you took this time to work on yourself. 1102 00:48:01,008 --> 00:48:04,969 To maybe open up a business or to write a book or pursue a dream. 1103 00:48:05,012 --> 00:48:07,014 Now, some of y'all motherfuckers going to jail, 1104 00:48:07,058 --> 00:48:08,711 because you done got the PPP loans. 1105 00:48:10,452 --> 00:48:13,325 And you ain't got business the motherfucking first. 1106 00:48:13,368 --> 00:48:16,110 And if you live in a duplex where the fuck is your goddamn auto shop? 1107 00:48:18,765 --> 00:48:22,290 But enjoy your freedom while you can. Okay? 1108 00:48:22,334 --> 00:48:24,379 But I hope you took that time, you know? 1109 00:48:24,423 --> 00:48:28,079 And also the one thing that it made me realize is that 1110 00:48:28,122 --> 00:48:33,127 we've come so far as a country, but we've gone so far back. 1111 00:48:33,171 --> 00:48:35,825 I realized with everything that was going on 2020, 1112 00:48:35,869 --> 00:48:38,263 I am raising a Black boy in America. 1113 00:48:39,220 --> 00:48:41,875 And that, oh, my God, it hit me. 1114 00:48:41,919 --> 00:48:44,965 It hit me that we are at a point in this country now 1115 00:48:45,009 --> 00:48:49,187 that it's like, we don't know who to trust. 1116 00:48:49,230 --> 00:48:52,668 We don't know who's smiling in our face trying to snake us in the back. 1117 00:48:52,712 --> 00:48:57,282 You know, to think that I've got this beautiful little boy that I'm so proud of. 1118 00:48:57,325 --> 00:49:00,894 Man, he's 9 and he's amazing, man. 1119 00:49:00,938 --> 00:49:03,984 He plays the piano. He reads and writes music. 1120 00:49:04,028 --> 00:49:09,859 He's a stellar athlete, he reads on an 8th grade level, math at a 9th grade level. 1121 00:49:09,903 --> 00:49:14,777 He speaks French and Spanish, he's amazing. He's fucking amazing. 1122 00:49:14,821 --> 00:49:16,997 He codes games and shit. 1123 00:49:17,041 --> 00:49:19,608 He's amazing. But to think that no matter 1124 00:49:19,652 --> 00:49:22,350 what he turns out to be, which will be great 1125 00:49:22,394 --> 00:49:25,005 and I will support him with all I got. 1126 00:49:25,049 --> 00:49:27,486 No matter what incredible man he turns out to be, 1127 00:49:27,529 --> 00:49:30,663 there's still going to be some jackass in this country 1128 00:49:30,706 --> 00:49:33,840 that's going to see my child is just another nigger, 1129 00:49:33,883 --> 00:49:37,061 and that fucks with me in my soul, to think that 1130 00:49:37,104 --> 00:49:40,716 I go out of my way to make sure he lives in a great, safe neighborhood, 1131 00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:42,588 and all the neighbors wave at my kid, 1132 00:49:42,631 --> 00:49:45,025 they know my kid White, Black, Asian. They know my kid. 1133 00:49:45,069 --> 00:49:48,289 But what happens when he's 16 and he's 6' 2" 1134 00:49:48,333 --> 00:49:49,987 and he's walking our dog after dinner 1135 00:49:50,030 --> 00:49:52,250 and it's chilly outside, so he puts a hoodie on? 1136 00:49:52,293 --> 00:49:54,643 Now my child's a fucking threat? 1137 00:49:54,687 --> 00:49:58,473 You forget that's the same kid you gave Popsicles at Capri Suns too? 1138 00:49:58,517 --> 00:50:02,738 To think right now he's got friends of every culture, every race. 1139 00:50:02,782 --> 00:50:07,178 These kids don't fucking see color. They just see another kid. 1140 00:50:07,221 --> 00:50:09,963 We fuck'em up and make 'em see some other shit. 1141 00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:12,922 To think that his three best friends are three little white boys, 1142 00:50:12,966 --> 00:50:14,620 they don't give a fuck about their color. 1143 00:50:14,663 --> 00:50:16,535 All they want to do is play Fortnite, 1144 00:50:16,578 --> 00:50:22,889 and Roblox. And dig holes in my goddamn backyard. 1145 00:50:22,932 --> 00:50:25,935 I don't know what they're digging for, but I have realized something, 1146 00:50:25,979 --> 00:50:28,851 do not let white kids watch Harriet 1147 00:50:30,114 --> 00:50:32,420 and not explain them what the fuck it means. 1148 00:50:32,464 --> 00:50:34,683 'Cause I'm in the kitchen one day, and I look out 1149 00:50:34,727 --> 00:50:38,078 at all the little white boys is out there digging holes in my backyard, 1150 00:50:38,122 --> 00:50:42,343 And I'm like "Hey Ethan, Noah, Buster, what the fuck y'all doing?" 1151 00:50:43,692 --> 00:50:45,477 He looks up at me just as clear as day. 1152 00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,915 "We're trying to help the slaves get to the north, Miss Brown." 1153 00:50:53,659 --> 00:50:55,704 And I'm looking at my son. 1154 00:50:55,748 --> 00:50:59,012 I don't know whether to laugh, be mad or be proud 'cause he ain't digging shit. 1155 00:50:59,056 --> 00:51:02,102 He just standing there with his arms folded like the master overseer. 1156 00:51:05,149 --> 00:51:06,454 I'm like, "God damn." 1157 00:51:08,587 --> 00:51:10,763 But what the hell happens when they're 17? 1158 00:51:10,806 --> 00:51:13,157 They're coming home from a basketball game together, 1159 00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,159 and they get put over by the cops. 1160 00:51:15,202 --> 00:51:17,639 And I gotta tell my Black son what the fuck to do to get home alive to me. 1161 00:51:17,683 --> 00:51:19,815 I gotta sit him down and say, look here baby, 1162 00:51:19,859 --> 00:51:21,904 If y'all get pulled over, you let Ethan, Noah and Buster 1163 00:51:21,948 --> 00:51:24,081 do all the fucking talking. 1164 00:51:24,124 --> 00:51:25,865 Put your hands into Wakanda formation. 1165 00:51:25,908 --> 00:51:27,432 Make sure your fingers are spread apart. 1166 00:51:27,475 --> 00:51:29,912 Do not make any sudden movements and remain calm. 1167 00:51:29,956 --> 00:51:33,090 Now, if Ethan, Noah or Buster start doing that little white privilege shit, 1168 00:51:33,133 --> 00:51:35,353 and they start screaming at that cop, 1169 00:51:35,396 --> 00:51:37,311 talking about, "I need your badge number, buddy! 1170 00:51:37,355 --> 00:51:40,314 "Do you know who my fucking dad is?" 1171 00:51:41,837 --> 00:51:44,231 I need you to make eye contact with him. 1172 00:51:44,275 --> 00:51:46,059 Do not move your hands. 1173 00:51:46,103 --> 00:51:50,063 Look at cop in the eye and say very calmly, "I've been kidnapped." 1174 00:51:50,629 --> 00:51:52,761 [CROWD LAUGHS] 1175 00:51:52,805 --> 00:51:55,329 'Cause I need my son to come the fuck home alive to me. 1176 00:51:55,373 --> 00:51:57,157 I'll bail your little white kids out. 1177 00:51:57,201 --> 00:51:58,637 His ass will be home. 1178 00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:01,640 Eat some goddamn peanut butter and jelly first. Yes. 1179 00:52:01,683 --> 00:52:04,121 Thank you all so much, and my feet hurt. 1180 00:52:04,164 --> 00:52:06,732 And I thank you all so much for joining me. 1181 00:52:06,775 --> 00:52:10,344 Famous Enough,Cocoa Brown, I'm out. 1182 00:52:10,388 --> 00:52:14,261 [CROWD CLAPPING AND CHEERING]