1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,840 Thanks for coming. Wow, nice claps! 4 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,560 Better than my wedding, actually. How are you? 5 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,720 Good! 6 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,760 You sound good. Keep it up in the show, even if it sucks. 7 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,800 Keep that energy coming. How are you? Good, really? 8 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,480 -Yes! -Thank you. Thank you for being here. 9 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,080 I'm very happy to be back in Argentina. 10 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,120 Maybe you didn't know... I left for a bit, did you know? 11 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,320 If you don't, here's the deal, I went to Spain to try my luck... 12 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,200 And here I am. 13 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,800 Great. Starting by laughing at my expense. 14 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:19,880 Just so you know, 15 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,840 you're energetic, but jerks. 16 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:23,680 This is the vibe I'm getting. 17 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,040 But anyway, thank you for being here. 18 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,800 This show's called "I Want to Complain," So, I will start by complaining. 19 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,680 That's the deal. I'm very whiny, 20 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,120 why hide it today... 21 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,200 I complain about everything. 22 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,920 What I complain most about is my back. 23 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,040 It's like my thing. 24 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,200 I'm the type of person whose back is always in pain. 25 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:39,920 I mean, you don't need to ask me, 26 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,240 "Is your back okay?" "No, it isn't," there's your answer. 27 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,240 But I know I'm not alone in this. 28 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,000 There are always people whose back is always in pain, for example, 29 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,720 is there anyone here whose back is constantly in pain? 30 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,240 Yes! 31 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,600 I love that you are super proud of it. 32 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,640 So weird! It's the only ailment people are proud of. 33 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:57,720 Have you noticed? 34 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,120 Not like I go, "Do you have hemorrhoids? 35 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,240 And you go, "Yeah, I shit blood, here!" No. 36 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,680 But back pain is like you own up to it. 37 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,560 "Here!" And you pulled it, right? 38 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,000 I have constant back pain. It sucks. 39 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,120 For those who can't grasp what constant back pain is like, 40 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,160 some days I get up 41 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:17,040 and feel I've been stabbed in a vertebrae 42 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,720 and that if I take a breath, it's being pushed deeper in. 43 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,640 And that's when I say, "Today I'm feeling better." 44 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:25,840 My back pain is constant. 45 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:28,440 I think my mom fucked a rusty bike chain, and here I came. 46 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,840 "Here, lady. This is what you got, a nerve. 47 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,200 They may become a comedian in the future." 48 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,560 It's not like something happened and then... 49 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,160 My back has always hurt. I remember 50 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,680 as a little boy, going to birthday parties, 51 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,040 you know, when the piñata came kids got down on the floor looking for 52 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,400 candies, lollipops, 53 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,080 and I was in the back going, "I wonder if there's some ibuprofen. 54 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,800 A diclofenac, maybe." 55 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,880 My back has always hurt and I'm too lazy to solve my problems. 56 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,240 I'm too lazy to go to the doctor. 57 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,600 Question, are there any doctors in the room? 58 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,000 It's Wednesday evening, I get it... 59 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,600 I see a hand up over there, right? 60 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,440 -Are you a doctor? -Yes. 61 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:06,960 What's your specialty? 62 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,840 A plastic surgeon, so, fuck the back. 63 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,480 "I have a hernia." "Oh, but we made it look gorge." 64 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,160 "But it hurts when I breathe." 65 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,320 "Yes, but it looks stunning." 66 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,320 You know what I dread about doctors? I dread going because, say, you go, 67 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,480 and they don't solve the issue. 68 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,240 They don't solve it, it's not like... 69 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,800 I'd like, "Here's a pill, tomorrow you'll be all good." No. 70 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,280 They say so many things, regardless of their specialty. 71 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:31,800 So many things that just don't make sense. 72 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,320 You go in for the back pain and they say, "Watch your posture. 73 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,480 Don't push yourself, don't sit too long, don't stand too long, 74 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,720 Please levitate three centimeters above..." 75 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,080 There was a time, some years ago, when I worked at a call center, 76 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,320 So, I go to the doctor because I had back pain, 77 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,920 and the doctor asks, "How many hours do you work?" 78 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,360 I say, "An eight-hour shift." 79 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,560 "Right, you shouldn't spend more than two in front of the PC." 80 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,760 Like I hadn't thought of working less, right? 81 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,760 You tell your boss later and they go, "Forget it. 82 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,280 The doctor says two hours, from now on, two hours it is. 83 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,440 Would you like me to blow you, too? I mean, since we're at it. 84 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,760 And I'll give you an extra bonus, just at face value." 85 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,480 The only real thing I actively do to work on my back pain 86 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,600 is complain. 87 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,480 I'd love for that to solve my problem. 88 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,360 Actually, I'd love it if complaining were a way 89 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,840 to solve any problem, like, in general. 90 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,440 Like, you come here and can't find a parking spot. 91 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:28,280 Yo go, "I can't believe this. Downtown's such a mess." 92 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:29,760 You find a spot. 93 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,840 Like, Do you get the mechanism? You complain, and it goes away. 94 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,840 You go to the supermarket and everything's expensive, 95 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,600 "I can't believe this inflation, what is this?" 96 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,400 Ten thousand dollars. Just like that. 97 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,840 Warmly sitting in your pocket. 98 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,880 Or you have sex with your partner and she's not coming, 99 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,360 "I want you to enjoy sex." 100 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,640 Her ex shows up and you go, "Okay..." 101 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:50,680 I don't find it that funny. 102 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,760 I joke around like that a lot with my partner. 103 00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:57,040 "I bet you had great sex with your ex." 104 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,480 Awkward silence, she's like... 105 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,280 "Should we get ice cream?" Just lie to me, at least. 106 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,440 If you have a partner, do you joke around like that? 107 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:10,720 You don't. 108 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:12,840 Don't, if you do. 109 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,040 Never do. 110 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,400 Whatever, I'm super whiny, honestly. 111 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,120 Does anybody here think of themselves as whiny? 112 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,480 -Me. -"¡Me" Loved that. Who? 113 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:22,880 What's your name? 114 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,520 -Camila. -Camila. And you're very whiny. 115 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,400 -Yes. -About anything in particular? 116 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,240 -Life itself. -Oh, living. 117 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,640 About life itself, but About your life or in general? 118 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,120 It's my birthday today. 119 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,280 It's your birthday today? 120 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,040 Give it up for her, it's her birthday. 121 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,080 Happy birthday! 122 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,280 Listen, so you complain about life... 123 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,360 No, no, I complain about my schedule. 124 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:48,600 Your schedule? 125 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,800 -My tenant... -Your tenant? 126 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,240 She owns real estate and complains, really? 127 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,960 But... That annoys you... 128 00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,680 What annoys you? I don't get it. 129 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,920 They call you because things break down. 130 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,360 Is that your job? 131 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,560 No, I'm not an electrician. 132 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,000 You're not an electrician. 133 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,800 Just the landlady. 134 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,280 They should call an electrician. 135 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,920 "Well, I said I had an apartment to rent out, I never said it had a roof. 136 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,160 Like, you assuming... 137 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:19,880 You assuming doesn't mean that I..." 138 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,280 I'm super whiny. I can complain about something 139 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,640 and immediately complain about the opposite. 140 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,000 I have no criteria. It's all the same. 141 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,240 Like, I'll be home and if my partner won't show affection, 142 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,280 I'll go, "What's wrong love? Why don't you kiss me? 143 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,200 What am I, a dog to you?" 144 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,480 But if she's too affectionate, I'll go, 145 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,200 "Get off of me. I'm not a dog. Shoo. Give me space." 146 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,520 And you know what really annoys me? 147 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,400 I get really annoyed by people who are happy all the time. 148 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:49,360 You know who they are? 149 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,160 They have these wide smiles on their faces. 150 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,320 They say, "Good morning," and it fucks my day up. 151 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:55,760 "What is it? What? 152 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,000 "What happened?" They arrive at the office at 7 am, 153 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,400 And go, "Good morning!" "What!? 154 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,120 What, did you do coke on the train? It's seven in the morning. 155 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,120 It should be illegal to be happy at this time, what is it? Besides, 156 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,480 has nothing bad happened to you? Even if it's slightly bad, like... 157 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,240 Hasn't your Internet bill gone up? Don't you have back pain? 158 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,280 Don't you have an uncle who says 'Hiya'?" 159 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,320 That just fucks up my day, you know. 160 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,960 I go, "Come on, Claudio, you're 73, what's with this 'Hiya'?" 161 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,920 Makes me wish he'd have his phone stolen on the train, you know. 162 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,560 And at the same time, I go, "I can't be this bitter, I'm a comedian. 163 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,160 My job is to make people laugh, I want people to be happy." 164 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:32,280 You know? It's like... 165 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:33,360 In fact, I always think, 166 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,320 if I could spread joy around, I would. 167 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:36,600 I think we all would. Picture it. 168 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,240 If we could go... Like this, 169 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,000 and make everybody happy, would we? 170 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,280 -No. -Yes. 171 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:45,960 I see, a lot of you suck. 172 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,280 I said... Hold on, Who said no? 173 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,080 There, what's your name? 174 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,480 Excuse me? 175 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,960 Agustina. Wouldn't you want to make everybody happy? 176 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,440 You don't have to pay for it, it's just... 177 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,040 You're told, "Here, this is your power, 178 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,560 snap your fingers, and you can spread joy." 179 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:02,680 You'd go, 180 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,240 "Oh, no, I can't." 181 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,760 You wouldn't? Why, it's like... 182 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,560 I see, you'd pick? 183 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,040 And pick yourself, too, obviously. 184 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,920 If you were about to google "masochism," let me just say... 185 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,120 I always think, "It'd be nice to snap your fingers 186 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,280 and live in a world where everybody could be happy." 187 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,800 I'd love that. And I'd love to strive to build a world 188 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:33,720 where everybody is happy and where everybody 189 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,720 can fulfil themselves, make their dreams come true. I really do. 190 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,440 It'd be nice to live in a world where everybody's dreams could come true. 191 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,080 And then I think, "I'm such a good guy." 192 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,360 I don't do shit for anybody, but I've thought about it. 193 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,360 How nice it'd be to fulfil people's dreams. 194 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,720 And as I think this, I go, "Well, I'm kind of a hypocrite, too." 195 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,880 Because I want everybody to make their dreams come true, 196 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,440 but at the same time, when I'm old and shit myself, 197 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,080 I'll want someone to change my diapers, 198 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,920 and whose dream is it to wipe a washed-out instagrammer's ass? 199 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:02,000 Then, let everybody fulfil their dreams, but three of you. 200 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,320 Sounds fair, right? 201 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,000 And I feel we set the bar too high in life. 202 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,960 I don't know if it's advertising, our parents, society, or all of the above, 203 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,120 but you gotta be the best. 204 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,240 Whatever you do, be the best at it. 205 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,400 Like, we're getting this wrong. 206 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,400 We hear, "To be the best, we must push ourselves." 207 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,360 You looked at me like, "Not so sure." 208 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,840 "Yes," I hear. But, actually, the rest being worse is enough. 209 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,000 I mean, it's not like you... 210 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,680 Say, if a kid loses a race, 211 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,680 they say, "Daddy, I shall run..." 212 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,360 He's weird, British. 213 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,640 It's possible, why not? The Brits exist. 214 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,160 No, for real, The Brits are out there. 215 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:40,560 You're all like "Doubt it." 216 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,120 "Daddy, I shall train harder next time." 217 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,640 And the dad goes, "Nah, here, shoot the one ahead twice." 218 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,120 If you're the only one who does something, you'll be the best at it. 219 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,520 Say I take this stool and shove it up my ass, 220 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,920 I'll be the best at masturbating anuses with a stool, right? 221 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,320 I personally feel that as soon as I remove it, 222 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:04,240 a Chinese guy will come along and be better, three stools, underwater. 223 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,480 What I'm getting at is that our expectations are too high. 224 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,120 It's hard because we compare ourselves to others. 225 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,760 I say, why not build a world made for people not to get frustrated? 226 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:13,840 A world more real. 227 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,480 Where kids learned about more realistic stuff at school. 228 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,040 Like, where the teacher said, 229 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,920 "Today we'll talk about our dreams and hopes, 230 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,000 our aspirations for the future. 231 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,240 Let's see, Luisito, what do you want to be?" 232 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:29,640 "I want to be an astronaut, discover a lot of..." 233 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,720 "come on, Luisito, really, an astronaut? 234 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,720 You're from the projects, an astronaut, really? 235 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,000 And you, Nico?" "I want to work at a call center 236 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,960 and get scoliosis." "Good job! 237 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,760 Learn from him. 238 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,000 You get an A." 239 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,480 I like that people say it, that they say that they're happy. 240 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:55,560 I constantly ask myself if I'm happy, as I'm so whiny, and I've found a concept 241 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,200 that defines how I experience happiness quite well. 242 00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,280 Happiness, to me... 243 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,080 Remember the first cellphones, they had a game with a snake? 244 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:04,840 That really got to you. 245 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,560 "Yeah, the Snake!" 246 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,880 Got you crying. The snake game, for those of you who don't know, 247 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,720 is about a snake that walked and picked up apples, 248 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,520 well, maybe it didn't "walk," it "snaked," 249 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,960 or did whatever the hell a you call what a snake does. 250 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,480 Whatever, folks. Any serpentologists in the room? 251 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:22,640 There. Whatever. 252 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,360 It walked and grabbed apples. 253 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,320 Once it did, the apple popped up somewhere else. 254 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,600 And the snake became longer. 255 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:28,960 Can you all get the picture? 256 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,400 Perfect. Happiness, to me, my experience of it, is that apple. 257 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,480 Happiness is there and it's hard to reach, 258 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,480 and as soon as you do, it instantly pops up elsewhere. 259 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:39,120 You desperately go after it, you catch it, and it pops up elsewhere. 260 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,480 And you go after it, and it pops up somewhere else. 261 00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,160 And your chances of self-destroying get higher 262 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,080 until you die chasing after a happiness which is systematically somewhere else. 263 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,160 Because, in the game, 264 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,800 that fucking snake never caught the apple. 265 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:48,880 It stopped and said, 266 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,080 "I'm gonna enjoy this because I deserve it. 267 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:52,280 And it was the fruit of my labor." 268 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,080 No, it kept on till it died. I get that all the time. 269 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,120 I am that shitty snake. 270 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,960 I can't just be here enjoying myself 271 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,320 because I'm constantly thinking 272 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,200 about what I'm lacking, the what-ifs, comparing myself. 273 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:05,760 And that even happens when I have sex. 274 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,240 When I make out, I can't focus on that. 275 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,880 As I'm making out, I'm thinking, "I should be fucking. 276 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,920 Why am I not fucking, I should be fucking already." 277 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,480 As I'm fucking, I'm not thinking about the fact that I'm fucking, 278 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,400 I'm fucking and thinking, "I should be coming. 279 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,840 Right now, I should have come already." 280 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:17,960 And as I come, I say, 281 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,280 "I should do housework, so everything's clean tomorrow. 282 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,480 Was it good?" 283 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,720 I've realized I have a predisposition to get frustrated. 284 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:27,800 I think. 285 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,560 Doesn't it happen that sometimes you set goals 286 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,680 and it takes time to achieve them, things take time. 287 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,440 And when you achieve them, you feel like, 288 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,640 "Right, but I can't share it with my loved ones now." 289 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,280 And if I do, and achieve them fast I go, 290 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,480 "It happened so fast, I didn't enjoy the process." 291 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,560 I must have family issues. Question! 292 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,040 Any families, teenagers in the house? 293 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,880 Right, and are you with your family? 294 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,320 With your mom, how old are you? 295 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,720 Eighteen. Okay, "teenager"... 296 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,600 Okay. It counts as a teenager. 297 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,560 You may start flirting with getting a job... 298 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000 But it's okay. 299 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:08,480 It's okay. 300 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,280 I mean, you can send out your CV. 301 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,360 But it's okay. 302 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,600 Nice. Question, so, you're with your mom, 303 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,000 do you get on well, do you talk about your feelings? 304 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,480 "We get on like shit," just imagine, how awkward this show would be. 305 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,440 -Do you talk to her about your stuff? -Yes. 306 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,160 That's so nice, because it was hard for me. 307 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,560 It was very hard for me to talk to my folks in my teens. 308 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,320 Not now, I don't have to talk to them because I don't live with them, 309 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,480 but, like, at the time it was like, "Darn it, I have to face them." 310 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:39,080 The thing is that it was hard for me to tell them what was going on with me, 311 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,080 or if I liked a girl or something had happened with a girl, 312 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,240 or if I felt insecure about something. 313 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,720 I always felt like... Say, I had a girlfriend, 314 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,800 my first girlfriend, we were together for almost five years. 315 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,560 She used to come home a lot, basically because we couldn't do it anywhere else, 316 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:50,680 anyway, 317 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,240 right? Your first girlfriend comes home 318 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,160 and they go, "They're listening to music." No, they're boning, but whatever. 319 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,240 Back then they met her and bonded with her. 320 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,080 But when we broke up, I couldn't tell them at the time. 321 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,640 In fact, I still haven't told them. 322 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,960 I think they may suspect something because I married someone else, but... 323 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:12,840 So, something very interesting started happening at my parents', 324 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,480 where I lived, and that is they started seeing I wasn't with anyone, 325 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,080 and the countdown began for me to come out of the closet. 326 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:22,920 They've never admitted to this. 327 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,840 It was just a feeling in the air. 328 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,240 I could feel it, I can't explain how. 329 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,040 I was like, one day I'd say, "Mom, Dad." 330 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:32,160 And heard them going, "Come on! This is it! He's gonna do it! 331 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:33,760 Don't cry! Don't cry! 332 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,000 We went to college, we got this. We're ouvert d'esprit." 333 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,720 They can't speak French, but it doesn't matter. 334 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,480 They'd come; their eyes all watery, "What is it, son?" 335 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,000 I'd go, 336 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,080 "I'm going out." 337 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,520 "In a miniskirt?" I mean... 338 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,800 Maybe I'm being judgmental about them being judge mental with me, 339 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,640 but I felt it to an extent where I remember confronting my dad. 340 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,120 I called him and went, "Dad, come here." 341 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,920 MY dad walks slowly, that's why... 342 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,080 I want to keep it realistic. 343 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,840 "Dad, do you have a problem with gay people?" 344 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,960 And I remember my dad goes, and I quote, 345 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,880 "No. I don't have a problem with gay people. 346 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,720 But if you're not one, that's better." 347 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,200 And I got so mad at my dad for saying that. 348 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,400 It made me want to be gay just to have my dad face that, 349 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,360 for my dad to understand that love is love, 350 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,960 it doesn't matter if you're a man, a woman... 351 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,960 But I didn't like men, still I wished... 352 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,200 so that he'd have to deal with it. 353 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,640 But it would have been weird for that to be the only reason 354 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,320 to be with a person. 355 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,880 Imagine the situation, the guy taking me from behind, 356 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,200 getting all... and going, "Oh, 357 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,360 What do you like most about me?" and me going, 358 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,160 "Pissing my dad off! 359 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,240 But keep it going, since we're at it." 360 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,360 I think family ties are complex. 361 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,600 I mean, I don't know, say... 362 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,280 My grandma is the funniest person I know. 363 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,800 My grandma is a 99-year-old lady 364 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:55,680 and she's always said she'd die young. 365 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,600 She constantly says she will die. The cause is unknown. 366 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,400 So, you go, "Grandma, what time is it?" "Probably time for me to die. 367 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,600 Right, right." 368 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,320 This is not new. It's always been this way. She's always said, 369 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,480 "I'll die young. 370 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,640 I won't make it to old age, I'll die young." 371 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,880 The old woman is 99. 372 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,800 How is that "not make it to old age" for her? 373 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,240 Ninety-nine. There isn't one original joint in that body. 374 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:20,480 I mean, you blow and the old lady crumbles, but she says, 375 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:21,720 "I won't make it to old age." 376 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,400 You see? "You might not fossilize, but make it to old age, you might." 377 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,040 I mostly laugh this off 378 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,040 because it's my grandma. She's always been like this. 379 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,400 But my mom has heard this all her life. 380 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,160 And for your mom to repeat "I'll die young" all her life, 381 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,400 "I'm not gonna make it..." It might have taken a toll on my mom. 382 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,240 So, you see, when parents have trauma, 383 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,440 the first thing they do is pass it on to their kids, right? 384 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,520 It's like a minute of solidarity. 385 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:43,920 So, my mom goes, 386 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,160 "Your grandma kept saying she would die 387 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,720 and not make it to old age, do you know how upsetting that was?" 388 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:52,080 I go, "Mom, it's my wedding, take a rain check on this?" 389 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,280 Parents are, like, allergic to seeing their kids happy, 390 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,800 I've noticed. And yes, I mean "allergic" because it's involuntary. 391 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,680 They see you're happy and guilt strikes. Right? Out of nowhere, like, 392 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:01,800 they can't handle it. 393 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,920 I think our parents love us more than anyone. 394 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,120 Undoubtedly. They are, to me, those 395 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,960 who push harder every day of their life 396 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,840 to make us happy. They suck at it, though. 397 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,040 Really. 398 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:12,480 Deep down, they aren't mean. 399 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,120 Parents to me are, let's say it, human. 400 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,360 And as humans, they carry a burden, 401 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,440 this baggage packed with fears, insecurities, frustrations... 402 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,800 And they love us so much, that they go, "Here, this is my gift to you. 403 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,680 For you to carry it for the rest of your life." 404 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,600 "No, thank you," know what I mean? 405 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,360 Because, indeed, they need the guilt trip 406 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,480 because suddenly you are... 407 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,360 "You know, we couldn't afford food when we were little. 408 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,440 Some days, we just dipped the bread in oil 409 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,720 and some days we didn't even have oil, we just air-dipped it. 410 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,280 What were we to do? We just did this!" 411 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,040 And you're listening, take-away coffee in hand, going, 412 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:47,080 "How is all this my fault, huh? 413 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,720 I'm gonna have this blueberry muffin stuck in my throat now forever. 414 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,120 Do you want me to throw it out? I will! 415 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,200 I already got my reward points anyway." 416 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,040 The other day, I was walking down the street 417 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,360 and my mom says, for the nth time, 418 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,040 "You know, your grandmother kept saying she was gonna die 419 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:07,720 and not make it to old age. 420 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,040 I'm not going to do that to you when I grow old. 421 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,000 I'm not going to because I won't be here." 422 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,120 I go, "Ma, you're doing it right now." 423 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,600 She says, "No. 424 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,640 I didn't say I was going to die. 425 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,320 I said I wouldn't be alive." 426 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,640 It reminds me of when you have to do a project 427 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,160 for school or uni, 428 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,240 and a classmate asks to borrow yours 429 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,320 and you tell them, "If you cheat, don't get caught." 430 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,440 And they'd say, "Chill, I'll change the wording." 431 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:40,160 And if you'd written "And then Perón became president." 432 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,880 He'd write, "President... 433 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,640 then became Perón." 434 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,320 That kid felt like he'd really hacked it. 435 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,080 So, my point about families is you can't choose them, okay? 436 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,880 But I'm not being mean about it, it's a fact. 437 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,720 You can't choose them. You're born into one and that's it. Right? 438 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,840 The baby opens their eyes, and it's like... 439 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,280 Wait, have you ever seen a baby? 440 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,840 Have you notice how they do this? 441 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,720 They're, like, checking out their hand. Crossing out expectations they might have. 442 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,560 As if saying, 443 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,800 "No. I might not achieve this. This... 444 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,000 A freelancer, maybe, 445 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,600 maybe, if I push enough..." 446 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,680 My point is you are born and get what you get. 447 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,240 Not like you go to the family supermarket before being born 448 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,760 and they go, "Hi, what are you looking for?" 449 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,960 "Parents, any trauma-free in stock?" "Sorry, we've run out of trauma-free. 450 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,240 We're out of stock." 451 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:41,680 My point is... I love my family. 452 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,280 If I could choose them again, 453 00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:44,800 I definitely would because I love them. 454 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,120 I'd bargain for a better price though, just that. 455 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,600 We came to the conclusion that we can't stand each other 456 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,800 on a trip we took to Paris many years ago. 457 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,400 I didn't need to say it was in Paris, 458 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,520 but as a middle-class Argentine I need to rub it in people's faces 459 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:58,640 that I've traveled, you know. 460 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,720 People go, "Do you like pasta?" "Oh, I had these gnocchi in Paris..." 461 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,120 Now, if you had those gnocchi in Las Toninas, you wouldn't say it. 462 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,600 People would go, "Do you like pasta?" "I have celiac disease, fuck off." 463 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,040 If you're middle class, you'll have traveled. 464 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,480 On the trip we fought like cats and dogs. 465 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,880 See, a family trip is like a board game. 466 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:15,960 It sounds fun, 467 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,240 but everybody ends up filing a complaint, am I right? 468 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:19,920 I'm very attentive. 469 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,240 Family holidays are overrated. 470 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,560 Why do we do it? 471 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,160 At the beach, I pay attention to families with little kids. 472 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,120 Like, it's full-on tension. 473 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,320 The kid drops their corn, "The corn!" 474 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,920 So, the kid picks it back up, "Sorry." And their teeth fall out as they eat sand. 475 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,160 Kid goes in the water. "Don't go in the water! 476 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,000 What are you thinking?" 477 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,120 Kid's all hot and sweaty, you know. 478 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,680 The ice cream man goes by and mom covers the kid's eyes, "Don't look at him! 479 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,720 Our ice pops are better." 480 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,520 There's a guy with four beach chairs and the cooler going, 481 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,040 "Norma, where are we going with all this? 482 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,600 Did you need to bring all this to the beach, Norma?" 483 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,240 I sometimes go, "Is this what you chose to do on your holidays? 484 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,200 You've worked all year for this? 485 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,680 Why don't you just admit that you hate each other?" 486 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,680 In hindsight, nobody in my family was in the wrong. 487 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,320 We just wanted different things at the time. 488 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,560 I remember I wanted to go to a museum, my brother, to a park, 489 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,600 my parents, to the year when they were child-free... 490 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,000 Nobody was in the wrong, you feel me? 491 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,080 Besides, we were all fighting. 492 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,360 The atmosphere was so charged, 493 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,560 it was hard to remember who you had fought with last. 494 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,920 I'd tell my brother, "Dad's an idiot." 495 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,760 And he'd go, "You just fell out with me." 496 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,440 "Well, you, too, FYI." 497 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,360 The only thing keeping families together is hatred toward another family member. 498 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:42,760 That's cute. 499 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:44,880 I remember being so over it, 500 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,120 my family, I mean, that I went, "I need to cut ties with you, 501 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,960 like, I'm on my own. Enough. That's it. 502 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,320 Oh, yeah, but give me money for a soda because 503 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,160 I want to start my independence with some sugar in my blood." 504 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,520 So we went to Paris, I repeat. 505 00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,920 Dad booked an all-inclusive tour. 506 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,320 In case you're thinking about doing it, here's how it works. 507 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,080 It's distinctive feature is that, in the end, nothing is included. 508 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,600 It's like... zombies trying to scam you out of your money constantly. 509 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,400 You order a drink and they go, "Two euros." 510 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,800 "Drinks were included." "But what about the glass, huh?" 511 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,200 On top of that, Dad booked a religious tour. Let me tell you... 512 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:20,920 In my family, were all atheists. 513 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,840 And not the "I believe in energy" kind. 514 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,560 No, no, no. Full-blown atheists. 515 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:30,200 As in "I believe in nothing". As is "No one will come to our funeral." 516 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:31,600 Get it? Atheists... 517 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,000 full-blown. 518 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,000 It was so disrespectful to the other people on the tour, 519 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,840 those people were religious and spiritual. 520 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,240 The guide went, "This is the virgin's house," 521 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,040 and all four of us in the back went, "I hope the virgin gets it in the ass." 522 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,800 On that trip, my father faced his greatest fear. 523 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,840 It was hard on our family to see the patriarch, our idol, 524 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:55,520 a hero... to see him scared to death, a fear I never knew he had, 525 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,400 and someone here might have it, too. 526 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:58,600 Take it easy... 527 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:02,720 The absolute, paralyzing fear of being left behind by the tour bus. 528 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,480 If the driver said, "We're leaving at 10 am," 529 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,080 at 7:15 am my dad would already be like "Noooo. 530 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,320 Don't leave us!" 531 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:12,920 What's that about? Watching Home Alone 532 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,800 really made its mark on him, it seems. 533 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:17,960 You know, something happened on that trip. 534 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:22,080 We went to many hotels, you know, where breakfast is included... 535 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:25,160 Yes, I personally like to make the most of breakfast. 536 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,600 Wait, I don't think you fully understand. 537 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:30,200 To make the most of it is not to have it. 538 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,200 We all have breakfast, making the most of it means... 539 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,840 Putting some away for later, you follow me? 540 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,280 If you're smart about it it, you get a little afternoon snack, too. 541 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,320 And if you're even smarter, you may even work out dinner. 542 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,000 I like to think of it as "holding on to souvenirs." 543 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:48,480 Other people may call it "stealing," but I... 544 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,040 I like... you know, you come back and open your suitcase and go, 545 00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,360 "Look, a mug, a place mat, a waiter," who knows, you know? 546 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,440 Small gifts for people. 547 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,120 Like, "Grandma, I thought of you. 548 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,760 Look what I brought you, some spreadable butter, 549 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,720 you keep asking for it, saying you want some." 550 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,800 So, I like that, but... 551 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,480 That first day I was with my parents and I start making my sandwich, 552 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,680 but, I don't know if you've had this, the waitstaff is there, 553 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:13,360 hotel staff, so, you can't hide the sandwich 554 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:14,920 because they're looking at you, they'll tell you off. 555 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,600 I get scared, nervous. 556 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,720 Like, you have to be smooth. 557 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,080 It's different with elderly women. They're nonpunishable. 558 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,160 They take their Tupperware, 559 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,560 make eye contact with the wait staff, 560 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:25,800 "Whatcha lookin' at, punk? 561 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,040 Can't you see we need more cheese, damn it?" 562 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:37,760 Not me, I was shy. 563 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,640 The first day, when nobody was watching, I went... 564 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,040 My dad caught me and went, 565 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:43,120 "What are you doing? 566 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:44,960 That's stealing. 567 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,120 Is that what we taught you?" He calls Mom, "What do you think?" 568 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,400 "I'll die young, won't make it to old age. Lemme tell you. 569 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,240 I know so." 570 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,600 So, they tell me off, but after a couple of days, 571 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,880 they start realizing how expensive it is to eat out every day, 572 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,720 so, they got into the idea of me pitching in a bit. 573 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,440 A week from the day of this occurrence, 574 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,480 I was in charge of the food situation. 575 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:07,880 But they were all in, too. 576 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,720 My dad drank his coffee like this to cover me. 577 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,120 My brother collected plates with stuff and brought them to me. 578 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,240 Mom, if needed, would faint in the corner and fake a seizure. 579 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,960 I'd leave the breakfast area with a carry-on, like this. 580 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,040 The last day, Dad ran out with a toaster oven. 581 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:23,480 "Up yours, fancy frogs." 582 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,800 So, this is the takeaway of the show. 583 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,720 Like, I want people to remember this message. 584 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,200 If you've hit a rough patch with your family, steal. 585 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,000 That... 586 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,320 will bring you closer together... for real. 587 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,200 Okay, we're hitting the halfway mark here. 588 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:39,320 I'd like to know, Are you ready 589 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,680 to hear about my first sexual experience? 590 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,560 Yes! 591 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:46,760 Was it with you? 592 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,400 Well, ready or not, here it goes. 593 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:52,640 Are you okay? 594 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,040 As you know, I had this... my first girlfriend. 595 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,120 So, we had made out a lot, but hadn't hooked up yet. 596 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,680 You know? Like, the farthest we'd gone was dry humping. 597 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:02,880 Have you heard of the concept? 598 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,960 Dry humping happens when two people do like this, but fully clothed. 599 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,880 So, I remember her saying, "Come over, no one's home." 600 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,160 And I was like, "I can't. I've spilled some yogurt. 601 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:13,560 Right here, can you believe it? 602 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,920 This is such bad luck!" 603 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:17,760 "Oh, yeah, that smells." 604 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,320 You're familiar with the concept of dry humping, then, right? 605 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,040 Has anybody ever done that here before? 606 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,360 Oh, I see many hands up. 607 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:26,600 Who said yes? 608 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:28,360 Me. 609 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,960 "Me." She's so proud. "Me!" What's your name? 610 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,040 Luján. And is it always...? Like, every time you...? 611 00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:35,120 No, with my first boyfriend. 612 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,600 Just your first boyfriend. It's not like you see a drying rack and get turned on. 613 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,400 You need the other person, right? 614 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,400 Question, out of ignorance... 615 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,560 Since you're well versed in dry humping, 616 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,400 Can you reach...? 617 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:49,680 Or... 618 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,440 Because, I don't know about you, but... 619 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,920 With you, maybe, I don't know, but... 620 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,680 In my case, the thing about it is going back home afterward. 621 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,160 With my legs together like this. 622 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,320 And listen, does it matter which clothes or are there any special items? 623 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,000 When you go, "I'm dry humping today." 624 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,120 Do you wear a soft panty? Does that make any difference? 625 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,000 -Leggings. -Leggings! Interesting! 626 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,800 Like, you look at a pair and go... 627 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,600 Right? Any any don'ts? 628 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:22,440 -Jeans. -Jeans. 629 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,120 Well, maybe the seams... But no, jeans are a no-no for you. 630 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,800 Okay, so the farthest we'd gotten was to the dry humping stage. 631 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,960 I get a summer job at a pizzeria at the beach 632 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,480 and when I come back, I take her 633 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,200 to a spa for the weekend. 634 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,360 I spent all that I'd made at the pizzeria those two months. 635 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,200 Whether the spa was expensive or I was underpaid, I don't know. 636 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:42,600 I really don't know, but the thing is 637 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,440 that we were there, the place was lovely. 638 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,080 You know how when you're in love and you're a teenager 639 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:47,480 you're amazed by everything? 640 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:49,600 I remember being there and going, "Whoa, 641 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,520 there are bedsheets!" Like, basic stuff. 642 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,520 I want you now to picture 643 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,120 what's to come, because what I'm about to tell you 644 00:27:58,200 --> 00:27:59,840 is so stupid, but you gotta understand 645 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:02,240 that I was a teenager, I was insecure, 646 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,880 I wanted her to like me, I was nervous, I had no experience whatsoever. 647 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,000 So, we're both there. 648 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:09,280 Te place was really romantic, we played some soft music 649 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:11,680 turned down the lights and started making out. 650 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,120 Then, we got undressed. There we are, 651 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,960 I start kissing her body, real soft kisses. 652 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,240 You know when you kiss a person's body from top to bottom 653 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,560 and take your time? Taking my time nowadays 654 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,240 is something I'd never do. 655 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,120 Seven years we've been together! Her bra is off in three seconds, 656 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,320 and I go, "Okay, that's it, what a turn-off. 657 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,000 Let's go to bed, and make room for me. 658 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,320 This is half and half, don't put your elbow on my side. 659 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,440 That line coming down from the ceiling marks the middle 660 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,400 and I won't allow it, you hear me?" 661 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:38,560 But not that day. 662 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,280 That day I took my time, I kissed every corner of her body, 663 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:46,640 and when I get to her third eye, so to speak, 664 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,760 I go, "I don't want to just use my tongue." 665 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:50,960 I want to do something that will make her go, "Wow! 666 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,480 Man, you've learned so much at the pizzeria!" I wanted 667 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,400 for her to ask me to marry her after going down on her. 668 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:58,000 So, I'm all nervous, I don't know what to do, 669 00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,920 my first thought was to stick my mouth to her pussy and go... 670 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:09,320 Man, did I blow air into it. 671 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,680 I think I may have moved an organ. 672 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:16,720 A few seconds go by, 673 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,520 and I become aware of what I'm doing. 674 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,920 So, I remove my mouth from the pussy and the pussy just starts going... 675 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,080 The fart was never-ending! 676 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,280 She was so embarrassed, but it was 100 per cent my fault! 677 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:33,600 She said, "What the hell? How could you think of...?" 678 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,560 It just wouldn't stop. At times it went like this... and then start again. 679 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,360 It was endless! 680 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:41,960 It was a mix between a boat engine and a beatboxer. 681 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,560 And you know the worst part? I wasn't joking around. 682 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,000 I did it for love. 683 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:50,560 That was all I had to offer. 684 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,080 It's like if she had said, "Do something else," 685 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:54,840 I had nothing else to give. 686 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,320 This is what I came up with after two months at the pizzeria. 687 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,320 Grown-ups don't tell you about this, which is important. 688 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,000 What do grown-ups say? "Use a condom. 689 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,000 Look both ways before crossing." 690 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,040 "Tell me not to blow air into a pussy, that's important!" 691 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,320 Does anybody here have little kids or nephews? 692 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,000 Next time you see them, tell then, "Listen kid, don't blow air into a pussy. 693 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,520 So what if you're five? This is life-changing advice." 694 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,600 Has this happened to anybody or just me? 695 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:26,960 Anybody? 696 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,120 Nope, never has anybody said, "Me." 697 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:32,760 So, we got over it, anyway, 698 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:34,200 as a couple, we moved on. 699 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,320 We were together for five years after that. 700 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,080 Then we broke up for other reasons, you know. 701 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,440 She didn't love me, to put it... 702 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,240 Right, I didn't find it as funny. 703 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,880 I was so upset at the time, I was really downhearted. 704 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,320 Maybe you've been there, hopefully not, 705 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,000 but I'm sure you've had you heart broken. 706 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,080 But that's like... 707 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,720 You feel like the most miserable person in the world. 708 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,920 Maybe you've felt that, especially after your first love. 709 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,040 I felt nobody in the world was as miserable as me. 710 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,720 I was a walking bagful of angst. 711 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:05,880 I was sad all the time. 712 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:09,360 I competed to be the most hurt person in the world. 713 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:11,320 I'd go wherever and as my friend went, "I'm so upset," 714 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:13,800 I'd go, "I'm way worse, I don't know what to say." 715 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:15,640 "But my dad just died." 716 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,680 "Yeah, you dad was a dickhead, honestly." 717 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:23,120 What a drag to have a friend in the group who's been dumped! 718 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,440 They spread their sadness around. 719 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,760 People are dancing, singing, being happy, 720 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,960 and the recently-dumped comes and goes, "Let's turn it off, yeah? 721 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,920 Why don't we listen to the sound of her absence? 722 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:38,720 Listen. 723 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,360 That's my heart breaking into a million pieces. 724 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,240 Oh, you can't hear? That's because I have no heart, then." 725 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,880 They're all mopey, dramatic, and relate everything 726 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,880 to that person so effortlessly, like... 727 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:52,120 A tablecloth. 728 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:54,600 "She had a tablecloth!" 729 00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,520 You know, you say, "Make an effort, dude." 730 00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,960 Do you have a friend going through this now? 731 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,480 -Me. -"Me." 732 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,560 Are you laughing or crying? Excuse me. 733 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:08,160 -I'm crying, she's laughing. -She's sobbing and I'm laughing 734 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:09,320 at her pain. That's okay. 735 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,320 Who's the friend of the mopey one, say? 736 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,000 -I'm the mopey one. -"I am..." 737 00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,200 Good night and thank you! 738 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,040 You are... 739 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:24,560 I got you, I'm not going to make you feel bad. 740 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,000 As soon as you stop crying, we'll go on. Take your time. 741 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,840 How long are you supposed to comfort someone who's been dumped? 742 00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,120 -As long as they need. -"As long as it takes." 743 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,960 That's coming from the one who's hurting. Not the one offering comfort. 744 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:39,960 As long as she needs. 745 00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,200 Is a month okay? 746 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,240 - Yes. -Six months? 747 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:46,920 No. 748 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,800 Right, isn't it? The lonely hearts club. 749 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:52,400 They've moped for 15 years. 750 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,920 "No, we must wait until the tattoo wears off." 751 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:56,280 Fucking hell. 752 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,680 I was miserable. For real, I remember it 753 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,280 as a time of deep pain, anguish... 754 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,600 Besides, have you heard about how you never forget your first love? 755 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:08,920 And do you know why it's true? 756 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,720 Because the first time you fall in love, especially when you're a teenager, 757 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,240 you give yourself to the other person. 758 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,360 There are no limits, you go full in, 759 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,280 you sign a contract with the other person that says, 760 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,240 "Here. Do with me whatever the fuck you like." 761 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,840 You take your heart and just give it to the other person. 762 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:23,400 It's like you get completely carried away. 763 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:26,880 And grown-ups say, "Watch out, don't rush in, be careful." 764 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,680 And you go, "Watch out? This is the real deal. 765 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:30,760 That won't... This is forever." 766 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,120 And then life goes, "Oh, it won't happen to you, 767 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:34,200 little fucker? 768 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,000 You'll set up a travel agency in 2020. You'll see what life's about. 769 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:40,000 Life is shit!" 770 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,960 Life knocks you out. Life is like Will Smith at the Oscars, right? 771 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,720 It knocks the wind out of you. 772 00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:48,400 I was devastated at the time. 773 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,600 But I want to send a positive message out. You get over it. 774 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,840 A month goes by... you move on and fall in love. 775 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,760 I swear. You know how they say time heals all wounds? 776 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,400 That is true. But there is a downside to it. 777 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,800 And that is that you never fall in love like the first time. 778 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,560 Or rather, you don't give in like that because you have suffered. 779 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,040 Human beings don't want to suffer, we avoid it all the time, 780 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,240 so you fall back in love, but this time is like... 781 00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:12,320 we put walls up, you know, we shield ourselves. 782 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,360 They ask, "So, you're super in love?" 783 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,480 "Yeah, I'm head over heels, why? What is it? 784 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,680 Are you looking to put me down, hurt my self-esteem all of the sudden?" 785 00:34:20,720 --> 00:34:21,760 "If you're smitten, go ahead." 786 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,680 "Yeah, you go, I'll be right behind you, slowly. 787 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,720 My therapist by my side, it's all good." 788 00:34:27,720 --> 00:34:30,280 I was devastated and she calls me 789 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,600 to go get some stuff. She was living by herself by then. 790 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,640 I had left a box of my stuff. Small things like 791 00:34:34,720 --> 00:34:36,840 a toothbrush, my underwear, my will to live, 792 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,600 my faith in humankind. Just things I hold dear. 793 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,320 It's weird to meet up with an ex. 794 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,440 I don't know if you've ever had to? 795 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,280 Yeah, ouch. Are you laughing or crying? 796 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:48,880 Okay. What's your name? 797 00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:51,480 Gabriel. So, did you meet up? What for? 798 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:53,560 -I ran into her at the pharmacy. -At the pharmacy. 799 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:56,560 A tough one, right? 800 00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:58,760 May we know what you were there for? 801 00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,880 -To get medicine. -To get medicine, okay. 802 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,680 Not for a box on condoms, like, "Hey, 803 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:05,200 how's it going?" 804 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,200 Do you know what she was there for? 805 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,480 A pregnancy test, that would lead to flogging. 806 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,360 "Hey, What up?" Okay? 807 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:15,040 Right. 808 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:16,520 Did you do it at the pharmacy? 809 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:21,800 Who has had to meet up with an ex to have the talk? 810 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:24,680 It's so awkward, right? 811 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,760 Are you all crying? I don't get it, folks. 812 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:30,200 Have you? 813 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,720 Where did you arrange to meet? Like, a house or... 814 00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,640 No, we talked about the dog. 815 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,480 His excuse was that he wanted to say goodbye to the dog. 816 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,080 Say goodbye to the dog? 817 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,080 If you google how to show that you don't give a fuck about someone, 818 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:46,720 that is, "Hey, I want to see the dog." 819 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:47,800 That's fine. 820 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,200 I remember going to pick up the box that day 821 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,120 and it was like... I didn't know how to approach her. 822 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:53,600 "Do I shake hands, kiss her, hug her? 823 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,800 I blew air into your pussy, but now, however, I am..." 824 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,000 I didn't know how to greet her. keep in mind I was miserable 825 00:35:58,080 --> 00:35:59,760 and wanted to pretend I was fine. 826 00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,320 I was like a baby being feed lemon. You know, babies go like this... 827 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,760 I wanted to make it seem like I had things going for me. 828 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,720 Like, "Yeah, I'm super busy. 829 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:10,800 Next week I have to go to the supermarket. 830 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:13,160 I have a coupon." 831 00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:17,040 It was sad, uncomfortable, she just handed me the box. 832 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,760 She says, "Here." And I turn around, 833 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,480 and as I was leaving, she goes, "Dari, wait." 834 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,200 And I turn around like, "She came round after me asking to give it a try, 835 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:29,960 to not let this big love that we have built die." 836 00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,080 I looked into her eyes, put the box down, 837 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,320 I was about to say, "I still love you, too." 838 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,040 And she looks at me and goes, "Never tell the pussy fart story." 839 00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,040 So, this is my revenge, basically. 840 00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,480 I called and asked for permission. She was like, "Yeah, it's fine." 841 00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:00,960 So, I go, "Cool, cool. Put gel on it." 842 00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,040 But I'm in love now, more in love than ever. 843 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:06,960 Everything before was a lie, I fell harder than ever. 844 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:08,920 I'm married. Is anyone here married? 845 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:11,920 It shows in your excitement. 846 00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,320 Any couples in the room? Can I ask a question? 847 00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,000 Are there any couples on a double date? 848 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:18,680 Like, a couple that came with another couple? 849 00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:19,800 Are there any here now? 850 00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:21,280 There. How many are you? 851 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:23,840 Four. Two and two, say. 852 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,240 Because nowadays you never know. Polyamory is so weird. 853 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,640 So, two different couples. Okay. 854 00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:32,160 And you're all friends? Or is it just two of you who're friends? 855 00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:34,480 He's your brother-in-law. 856 00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,360 Do you have sex within your family? No, no, that's fine. 857 00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:45,360 You fuck your siblings, it's cool, it's all good. 858 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:46,960 Alright, cool. 859 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:48,680 I'm gonna get going, then... 860 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,480 So, double dates annoy me. 861 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,920 Not the concept itself, but that it's not labeled 862 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,960 as an extreme sport. Because it is so risky 863 00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,160 to do what the guys here are doing. What do I mean? 864 00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:00,640 You jump off the plane and people go, 865 00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:01,920 "That's extreme!" 866 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,000 But you go, "I went on a double date," 867 00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,520 and nobody thinks of it as an extreme sport. And it is. 868 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,840 Because it's this false neutral ground where there's a false sense of comfort, 869 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,160 but it's where we air our dirty laundry, 870 00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,000 where our darkest secrets come out. 871 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,760 Because there is this sense of comfort, people are laughing 872 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,320 and talking, sharing stories, 873 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,280 so, the conversation flows and... "This one here farts like a mother..." 874 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,640 So, you get back to the car, and you can cut the tension with a knife. 875 00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:27,360 Your partner goes, "What's the time?" 876 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,120 "Well, apparently it is farting-like-a-motherfucker time!" 877 00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,760 I overshare. I admit I overshare. 878 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:36,520 Do you know when I realized? 879 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:38,280 After I overshared. 880 00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,680 But it's because the conversation leads you to, the false sense of comfort. 881 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,400 So, you say, "They won't judge me." Lies! They fucking will. 882 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,600 But you are sharing stories, laughing, drinking, 883 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:50,600 they say something vulgar, you share an intimate story, 884 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,120 along the lines of, "My ex had a great ass." 885 00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,080 Your poker face's on, but inside you're like, 886 00:38:58,440 --> 00:38:59,560 "I fucked up, didn't I? 887 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:02,120 What's that? 888 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,160 Right, the producer just confirmed. 889 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,960 I have, indeed, fucked up. I just got confirmation." 890 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:08,840 Right. You never want that night to end, 891 00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:10,800 because as soon as you leave, all hell will break loose. 892 00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:13,680 So, you make eye contact with your partner, who's just in it, 893 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,960 riding that wave of comfort. So, you see her, she's laughing, 894 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:18,280 "Maybe she forgot. 895 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,480 Maybe she took it well." 896 00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,120 But then you make eye contact with her and she's like... 897 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:30,880 You never want the night to end. 898 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,640 You start stalling, like... Your friend yawns and you go, 899 00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:35,320 "Let's have a pajama party. 900 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,120 I'll move in, what do you think?" 901 00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,240 Your friends can also make you look bad 902 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:42,840 because we don't usually send emails 903 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:44,200 with a list of approved topics. 904 00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,360 So, you're there, trying to eat a slice of pizza, 905 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,120 trying to have a good time, when your friend goes, 906 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,760 "That one time, in Villa Gesell, he..." And you're there like... 907 00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:58,360 What happens in Villa Gesell, stays in Villa Gesell. 908 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,400 Have you ever been on holidays to Villa Gesell? 909 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:02,360 -Any stories to share? -No. 910 00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:03,480 You see? 911 00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:06,880 The upside is you know your friend, so, you can do the same to them. 912 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,840 That's when you say, "So, what's up with your cousin? Are you close with her? 913 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:13,960 Have you ever gone camping with a cousin?" 914 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,320 Personally, we can't do everything with our partners. 915 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,600 We need to stop believing that we have to go everywhere together. 916 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,120 Those of you in a relationship, do you consider it important? 917 00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:23,400 -No. -It's okay. 918 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:24,720 Those of you in a relationship, say, 919 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,120 there's a familiy member's birthday party, 920 00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:28,680 so you ask your partner, "Can you come with?" 921 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,360 And your partner says "no," do you take offense? 922 00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,400 -Yes. -"Yes". That's great. 923 00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:35,520 We were so open-minded and then... Over there, who said "yes"? 924 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,680 Right there. How long have you been in a relationship? 925 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:39,680 -Two years. -Two years. Is he here? 926 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:40,880 -No. -No. 927 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:42,720 That's odd... Wait a minute! 928 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,120 I wonder what he is doing... 929 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:47,880 You tell him, "It's my aunt's birthday." 930 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,440 He says, "I'd rather not go." What do you do? 931 00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:51,800 -He comes anyway. -"He comes anyway". That's great. 932 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,240 Google "democracy," you'll see her doing this. 933 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,840 Go ahead, google "democracy." She'll come up. 934 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,640 I believe you don't have to do everything together. I mean... 935 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,320 I work on weekends, so, I can't do anything anyway. 936 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,120 She reminds me of it every chance she has, but sometimes I've got free time 937 00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,280 so, she says, "We are going to Naty's birthday." 938 00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,040 And I'm like: "But I haven't voted on that. 939 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:15,480 You'll see... 940 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,520 At the ballot box opening, there will be a single ballot. 941 00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,280 I haven't cast my vote. I haven't excercised my rights." 942 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:21,920 Why is that? I tell her how I feel 943 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,000 I don't pretend. "Honey, why do I have to go? 944 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,240 Who the fuck is Naty?" 945 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,600 She is in her thirties, everybody's called Naty, 946 00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,520 I don't know what the fuck happened back then! 947 00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:33,240 She says, "C'mon, Dari. She's the one that's pregnant!" 948 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,760 When you are in your thirties, all your friends are pregnant. You go, 949 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:39,680 "Are they being paid to repopulate the planet?" 950 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:40,800 What's going on? 951 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,240 When you go to a gathering with moms and dads, 952 00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:44,320 they become Jehova's witnesses 953 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:45,960 trying to co-opt you. 954 00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,800 As soon as you arrive, they ask, "When are you having a baby?" 955 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:52,280 And you are like, "Get off me! Don't you touch me, freak!" 956 00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:55,840 I... I have wanted to be a parent for a long time now, 957 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,120 but in two years' time. I mean... 958 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,320 I have longed for it for a long time, but in two years' time. 959 00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:03,720 I mean, right now I want to be a parent... 960 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,560 in two years. Most likely next year... I'll want to wait for another two. 961 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,400 Besides, moms and dads... Are your friends like this? 962 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:13,520 They are always trying to get you to join the club, 963 00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,200 but they have a strange marketing strategy. 964 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:17,200 They say, 965 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,160 "Since Lauti was born... 966 00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:22,600 we don't sleep anymore. 967 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,080 Maybe we get 15 minutes a year, don't we? I mean. 968 00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,640 Personal projects, I mean... 969 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,200 fuck them, you know... 970 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:35,320 Our life as a couple... 971 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,080 We hate each other. 972 00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:41,760 But you have to have to have a baby. 973 00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:46,280 "When the baby looks at you..." "Why doesn't yours look at me? 974 00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:49,720 Can I borrow them so they can fill me with their energy? Would do you think?" 975 00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:54,960 I'm not afraid of being a parent because of the child per se, 976 00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,160 I'm afraid of turning into one of those people who have children. 977 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:02,720 Those who once they have become parents are lost forever, you know? 978 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,200 You used to be friends, but no longer. 979 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:08,440 A friend of mine, whenever I send him a message to know how he is doing, 980 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:09,920 He replies with a picture of his son. 981 00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:13,600 And I think, "I asked you how you were doing. 982 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,040 If I wanted to know how the rascal was, 983 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,240 I would have sent them a message." 984 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:19,680 "He can't reply because he is one." 985 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,720 "So, I don't give a fuck about the fucking rascal's pic. 986 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,720 Is your phone full of photos of the rascal? 987 00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:28,320 Are they all the same fucking picture of them going like this?" 988 00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:30,600 They send a picture. "Today, our first tooth came out." 989 00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:33,280 "I don't fucking care about the tooth. 990 00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,160 Your son can bite my dick with his tooth and build a canal on it. 991 00:43:36,240 --> 00:43:38,480 That pussy son of yours. 992 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:41,360 I don't give a fuck!" 993 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,120 Anyway, I think I'll do the same when I'm a parent. 994 00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:52,760 I'm gonna be like all those parents I complain about now. 995 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,800 For instance, some parents say, "When I have a son, no tablet." 996 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,840 And the tablet ends up raising him. 997 00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:02,720 He graduates from college, the tablet 998 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:04,480 gives him his diploma, because it raised him. 999 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,320 Someone with kids laughed at that. 1000 00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:15,280 I hate arguing, so, when she says, "We are going to Naty's birthday party 1001 00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:16,720 in the suburbs," what do I say? 1002 00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:19,640 Same as her boyfriend, "Let's go to Naty's birthday." 1003 00:44:20,720 --> 00:44:23,600 It's always the same. She leaves me there next to the grill 1004 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,920 next to the other boyfriends, who don't know anyone at the party either. 1005 00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:30,720 As if we were at the lost and found department. 1006 00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:34,360 So awkward! 1007 00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:37,880 I'm thinking, "I wish someone would say something." 1008 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:39,400 One of them says, "Who did you vote for?" 1009 00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:40,840 "Well, let's keep it..." 1010 00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:45,760 I just don't like arguing. So, I avoid conflict. 1011 00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:47,800 Do you know what we argue a lot about with my partner? 1012 00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:49,840 Cell phone usage. I think it's a very modern issue. 1013 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:51,120 I mean, it affects our generation, 1014 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:52,440 not generations a century ago. 1015 00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:55,680 "Marco Aurelio, Did you have to bring the typewriter to bed?" 1016 00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,640 But now it does, especially since people are addicted to cell phones. 1017 00:44:58,720 --> 00:45:00,840 Those of you in a relationship, Do you argue about this? 1018 00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:04,360 Cell phones annoy me a lot. Let's say she goes out. 1019 00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,400 I call her once, but she doesn't pick up. 1020 00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:08,280 Call her twice, doesn't pick up. Thrice, no answer. 1021 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,160 I'm not trying to be controlling. 1022 00:45:11,240 --> 00:45:13,440 I want to know if she'll come home, if she wants me to cook dinner, 1023 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:16,640 if I can jerk off. I just want to schedule my afternoon, you know? 1024 00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:18,680 What sets me off is that, then, she arrives, 1025 00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,760 she sees my messages and says, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see them. 1026 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:24,560 It was on airplane mode. I didn't hear it ringing, I didn't have a signal." 1027 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:26,760 "Don't say 'sorry,' it's fine to take a break from your phone." 1028 00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:28,240 I really don't care, what bothers me is 1029 00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:29,480 that, when she is with me, 1030 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:31,480 she is constantly holding her phone. 1031 00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:33,800 So I think, "What's the deal? 1032 00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:35,520 Am I a WiFi antenna?" 1033 00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:38,600 I've never seen the palm of her hand, you know? 1034 00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,840 When we have sex, I take off her shirt, her bra, 1035 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:42,400 the cell phone case. What's different 1036 00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:43,520 when she leaves the house? 1037 00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:45,960 Do you know the worst part? Suppose we go out, 1038 00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,200 we go grab dinner somewhere. 1039 00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:49,120 I'm driving because she doesn't like to drive, 1040 00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,200 I'm driving and she is looking at her phone. 1041 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,480 But she doesn't tell me what she's doing. 1042 00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,440 I truly believe she's twitting out, "Single for the night, 1043 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:56,880 who's DTF?" You know? 1044 00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:59,720 I'm not on my cell phone at that precise moment 1045 00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,760 because I have a strong survival instinct, so... 1046 00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:06,920 Let's say when we get to the restaurant, I put my finger in my pocket 1047 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,040 to look at my cell for a minute, she goes, 1048 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:10,560 "Are you for real? 1049 00:46:12,720 --> 00:46:14,600 You are actually going to use your phone? 1050 00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:17,680 We're trying to have a nice romantic evening, 1051 00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:19,680 and you are on social media?" And I think: "I'm horrible. 1052 00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,960 I'm a horrible person." But it drives me mad. 1053 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,040 She had some time to herself back in the car. 1054 00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:26,080 She had it and I did not have it. 1055 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,400 You know, that moment to yourself when you can go on Instagram. We need it. 1056 00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:31,720 That moment when you think, "My life is shit, but I need Instagram. 1057 00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:33,720 I need to see people being happy to corroborate it. 1058 00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:36,800 You are on Instagram, see someone chilling at a pool... 1059 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,440 "Yep, my life is shit." Get it? 1060 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:41,520 Like, she's not applying the same criteria for her and me. 1061 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:42,680 That's what bothers me. 1062 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:44,040 I believe some day I'll catch her 1063 00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,480 having sex with another guy in our bedroom and I'll tell her, "Honey, 1064 00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:49,400 I thought we were to be faithful." And she'll go, "Well, 1065 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,360 from this moment on, we won't have sex with others, okay?" 1066 00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:56,000 Those of you in a relationship, do you think monogamy is important? 1067 00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:57,720 -Yes -"Yes", usually it's a yes. 1068 00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,440 You know, people who think monogamy is important 1069 00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:02,680 have an issue with their egos. And I want to explain why. 1070 00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:03,760 Why do I say this? 1071 00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,080 If you have a partner and think monogamy is important, 1072 00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,920 roughly speaking, details of each couple aside, it means 1073 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,640 that your partner can't sleep with another person, do you agree? 1074 00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:13,600 Now, if you love your partner, 1075 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,040 you wish them the best because you love them. 1076 00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:18,120 And if you wish them the best, make it at everything, 1077 00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:19,920 including sex. 1078 00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:22,800 Let me ask you, Do you think you are great at sex? 1079 00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:24,400 Because I have had sexual encounters 1080 00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:27,720 where I turn and see myself in the mirror, and I look like a zombie having a stroke, 1081 00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:30,280 trying to cop a feel, my dick coming out, 1082 00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:31,400 and going, "Do you like that?" 1083 00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,880 I feel like, "Is this what I want for the person I love forever?" 1084 00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,200 Because if you think you are a 10 in the sack, you go, "I'm a 10." 1085 00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:42,440 It's okay if you go, "Be faithful to me because it doesn't get better than a 10." 1086 00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:44,080 Let me ask a serious question. 1087 00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:45,960 Does anybody here think they're a 10? 1088 00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,560 Come on, we can go down to two. Don't worry, folks. 1089 00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,240 -Does anybody here think they're a nine? -Yes. 1090 00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:58,920 -What was your name? -Fernando. 1091 00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:00,040 Fernando. 1092 00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:03,560 Fernando, are you a nine? 1093 00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:07,000 A nine. you're the best in the room. Give it up for Fernando. A nine. 1094 00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,200 Okay. 1095 00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,440 Do you have any tip or secret you'd like to share? 1096 00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:16,520 -Excuse me? -Foreplay. 1097 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:17,800 -Foreplay. -A lot. 1098 00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,320 A lot. How much is a lot? 1099 00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,280 -30, 40 minutes. -30, 40 minutes. 1100 00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:24,560 His tongue looks like this. 1101 00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:28,760 He gets to the call center saying, "how can I help you?" 1102 00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:30,360 Okay. 1103 00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:31,840 But Fernando... 1104 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:34,480 can somehow demand that their partner be monogamous 1105 00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:36,360 because he's the best around, sure, it's like saying, 1106 00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:38,960 "Don't go looking, you can't get better than a nine. I'm a nine, get it? 1107 00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:41,320 So, now I'm going to ask a question and I'm going to clap, too. 1108 00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:44,320 Can we put our hands together for those below eight or seven? 1109 00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:46,960 "It depends on the day. I'm full. I'm tired. I'm anxious. Whatever." 1110 00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,720 Can we put our hands together for those who fall within that category? 1111 00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,960 That's the point! Most people know 1112 00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,080 that they are below-average at it, but for some wierd reason, they ask, 1113 00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:03,120 nay, demand, their partner settle for that. 1114 00:49:03,240 --> 00:49:05,040 It's like making your loved one a bowl of rice, 1115 00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:06,880 and your partner says, "Okay, I'll season it." 1116 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:08,000 "Nope. Just like plain that." 1117 00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:12,400 "But it's kind of bland." "Right. For the rest of your life." 1118 00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:17,040 If you stand up for monogamy, 1119 00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:18,480 rather than love, what you feel is fear, 1120 00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:20,760 fear that your partner will see you were not the best choice, 1121 00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:22,280 fear that your partner will one day say, 1122 00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:24,840 "Dude, I've tried this coming thing and it was great." 1123 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,920 If you are truly in love, If it's love that you feel, 1124 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,320 you need to ask your partner, 1125 00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,720 "Baby, do you want to have a night of passionate sex?" 1126 00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:32,880 "Oh, yes!" 1127 00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:36,080 "Honey, do you want to have the best sex of your life?" 1128 00:49:36,240 --> 00:49:37,280 "Yes, dear!" 1129 00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:39,600 "Do you want to have 40 orgasms?" "Yes." 1130 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:42,160 "Go fuck Fernando because you won't get that with me." 1131 00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:48,080 Folks! Good night! Thank you for lending me your ears! 1132 00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:53,600 Thank you very much. 1133 00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:06,880 To everybody that has made this possible. 1134 00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,960 I'm going to take a selfie. Please, dim the lights. 1135 00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:13,360 Put your hands up if you felt happy during the show, 1136 00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:15,280 or if you've fucked Fernando, which is kinda the same. 1137 00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,000 I'm going to... take a picture or record? What do you say? 1138 00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,160 Both. First, I'm going to take a picture. 1139 00:50:20,720 --> 00:50:21,800 It depends... 1140 00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:24,600 Put your hands up if I made you happy. 1141 00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:29,360 And now I'm going to make a video, you may scream and whatnot. 1142 00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:36,280 Now for real, people. 1143 00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:38,320 Good night! Thank you, really, for being here. 1144 00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:39,520 Thank you so much, everybody. 1145 00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:43,520 Thank you so much.