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Hey, Dario,
don't forget you and your wife are coming over for dinner
at Sara's and my place on Friday.
NETFLIX PRESENTS
Yep, can't wait.
Good. Just wanted to remind you. Don't be late.
Don't worry. We won't be. We'll bring wine too.
Chiara, where have you been?
So listen, dinner at our place on Friday.
Let me know, okay?
Sorry, I was at the gym. And yes, we'd love to come.
Matteo?
Remember you and your wife are having dinner with Sara and me
at our place on Friday, right?
Absolutely. We'll be right on time.
Want me to bring some wine?
Hi, Giulia.
Just wanted to make sure we're still good for dinner Friday.
Definitely. We're looking forward to it.
I still can't believe you buy into all that spiritual bullshit.
What? You and Sara are living proof.
Oh come on, Frank. Are you starting with that again?
-You really think soulmates exist? -Yeah, I do.
How many couples do you know that were high school sweethearts
and are still together?
I don't know. Come with me.
All right, let's say, when I was, I don't know, eight years old,
and my parents decided they were gonna move to, uh, Boston.
-Boston? -Yeah, Boston, okay?
You don't think I would've gotten engaged, then?
And that I wouldn't have gotten married? Or I would've been sad and depressed?
Why? Because my soulmate would be here in Rome?
Then you never would've met Sara.
You would've met someone in your high school in Boston
who you'd still be with now.
There's no way we can know that. The whole idea of it is hypothetical.
The fact that you actually think
there's only one person in the world who we're meant to be with…
It… It's ridiculous.
It's not ridiculous. Even Plato's Symposium talks about it.
-Yeah, yeah, it's the apple thing, I know. -No, it's not "the apple thing."
-It's a much more complex theory. -So, what?
-The idea is that humans were perfect. -Right.
-And the gods were jealous, so they… -Split them in half. I got it.
From that moment, everyone's been looking for their missing half.
Yeah, I know. I remember it perfectly. It's a bunch of bullshit, Frank.
-Beautiful. -What are you talking about?
-The myth of the hermaphrodite. -A little heavy, isn't it?
-What? It's beautiful. -Interesting dinner conversation.
But the notion is important. It's soulmates…
-And I believe it. -Exactly.
So romantic. Aw.
Oh, honey, we should put the meat on in about 15 minutes, right?
-Yeah, boss. I'm on it. -Mmm.
Well, if you ask me,
I think the two of you guys have been together for so long
you may be taking your relationship with Sara for granted.
-Listen to this guy! -Oh wow! Oh, you take me for granted?
Of course, I don't. He doesn't know what he's saying.
You may not be taking her for granted, but you have had other girlfriends.
-Well? -So what?
You have, right?
Yea. What's your point? They weren't important.
Whereas I had a few serious relationships before Federica…
-What was that? -…but when we met, I knew it right away.
-All right. -Sweetie.
-I said to myself, "There she is." -Aw, babe.
-"She's my soulmate." -What a sweetheart.
You're not convinced?
-Doesn't look like it. -No!
-Not even a bit?
No, no, no, no. I'm not saying you guys don't have a great relationship.
I'm sure it's amazing. It's just that…
Are you thinking… of telling them?
-Should we tell them the story? -Yeah.
All right. We'll tell you a little story, mm?
And at the end, you can tell us if you still believe in soulmates or not.
-All right. Let's hear it. -Okay? You ready?
-All right. So, about two years ago or so. -Yeah, two.
Sara and me had just gotten married, and we had just moved into this house.
And we wanted to organize a little lunch, right?
-And invite four of our friends. -Right.
Well, more precisely, I invited two of my friends.
-And Luca invited two of his friends. -Mmm.
Glad you guys could make it.
Sorry about the mess. We only moved in two days ago.
-Things all over the place. -You should see my place.
-I've been there five years. -Here they are!
And, incredibly, ten minutes early. Can you believe that?
Right! I invited them half an hour early.
-A little something. -Oh, thanks.
Looking great.
Great terrace! Sorry, I'm out of breath, it's the stairs.
You gonna give us the grand tour?
-No! -We'll give you a tour of the place later.
Now, we haven't got much time.
-Time for what? -You're remembering, right?
-Yes, I promise, babe. -What's going on?
Guys, we just wanted to tell you a couple things about Sara's friends.
They hot?
-This why you got us here early? -Right…
Yes, but you still got here half an hour late, so…
-You met them both at the wedding. -Right.
-Hey! -Hey!
So, Giulia…
Giulia is a mathematician.
-What did you get them? -Um, a… decanter. You?
A lamp.
She works for a financial modeling firm, right?
-Right? -Right.
She explained it to me a million times.
With the long hair, right?
-No, no. -No. That's Chiara.
-Ah. -Giulia's hair is a bit shorter, wavy.
She's not exactly the type of girl you see from a distance and say,
"Oh, hey, there's the girl who's into statistics and is a Finance graduate…"
No, no, no, but I mean, she's the type who's, uh… confident.
-She's intelligent and smart and… -Right, right, right.
She might at first come across as, I don't know, arrogant, almost.
Like, when she's looking at you, she thinks you're a bit of an idiot.
Nice.
-But she's hot, so, you know. -And the other one?
I wanted to get them something--
-You need? -Right.
-The other one is the opposite. -She's dumb, then.
-No, not at all! -No.
We all went to university together. She's an anesthesist.
You know that doesn't mean anything, right?
She's a classic beauty, you know? She's always got guys around her.
Soon as she breaks up with someone… they're on her.
So why do you say she's the exact opposite?
Well, because she's sweet and cute and always has a smile on her face,
kind of the "girl next door" type.
Oh, but make no mistake. She knows exactly what she's looking for.
-Don't worry. She's hot too. -Well, that's a good thing.
A very good thing.
Maybe it's this one.
Was that the bell? Let me go bring them up.
-I'll come with you. -No, no!
Dario! Would you just sit down?
-Jesus! -Oh my God, you're unreal.
Guys, next time I tell you to come at one, come at one.
Fine, but don't you think a half-an-hour briefing is over the top?
So just remember, Chiara has the long black hair.
-Got it. Long black hair. -So why are you telling him about Chiara?
-Hmm? -Let me get this straight, then.
You and Sara set for Matteo,
sweet guy who's affectionate, sensitive, with the glasses tucked into his pocket…
Makes sense to me.
…gets the sweet girl next door.
And we'll set up the aggressive one with the lawyer,
who knows all too well how to defend himself.
-Damn right, I can defend myself. -Hang on. Hang on.
What do you guys take us for? Huh?
You think that me and Sara, who just got married, I might add,
have nothing better to do than set up our friends like Barbie and Ken.
No.
Guys, it's a simple lunch among friends.
-It just so happens you're all single. -Right. Just so happens we're all single.
Exactly. So listen, ever since we got married…
…we've been saying it'd be fun to get you all together.
Right. We got that. So, um…
What she was saying before, that she didn't want you to tell us…
Nothing, nothing. She was saying not to tell you what we think,
so it won't influence you.
Got ya. Now, let's be honest here.
Because honesty is the foundation of any long-lasting marriage, right?
Absolutely.
And you don't think that Sara
has been talking to her friends about us all week long?
Nope. Absolutely not.
What the fuck is so funny?
Yeah, this marriage is starting well, with a lie. Two, actually.
All right. Shut up. Here they come.
-This place is gorgeous. -Thank you. Love it. Right up here.
-Hi! -Ladies!
-Hey, how are ya? Great, great, great. -Hi.
Thank you.
-Wow! Look at this! -Hi.
-Yeah, so… -So, girls…
This is Dario and Matteo.
And this is Chiara and Giulia.
-Hello. -Hi.
-Hello.
-Here you go. -Thanks.
-You taking care of that? -Yeah.
Okay.
-Giulia? -Ah, thanks.
-Sorry, you've got two of your hands full. -It's okay. I'm good.
Can you make me one of those too, please?
-It's okay. I got this. -I already did, babe.
Everyone's got a beer?
-Pizza! -Let me grab that.
-Glad to have you here. -Cheers.
-Guys, I'm going that way. -Bye!
-So I'll give you a call. -Mm-hmm.
Who? Me?
-No. -No? No.
Here's my helmet.
-See ya. -Bye.
Come on.
Come on. Let's go. Come on.
"So, just got back and already we're all over social media
like a couple of kids."
"We're so bad." We really are the worst.
First-person plural.
"So, can I ask you something?"
"Are those pictures of meringues?"
YES!
"Uh, gross!"
Seems like I'm making fun of her,
but what I'm really doing
is letting her know that I took a peek at her profile.
And what she's doing
is letting me know that she's looking at all my pictures too.
Oh, see? I'm dealing with a pro here.
All right, then… So, I'll leave her my number and see.
No, of course, I don't want her number.
She's got mine.
Now she's the one who's gotta make the first move, you see?
Her.
Not me.
Her. Not me.
Stella, were you dealing with The Advanced Guide for Pleasing Women?
Mm-hmm, yeah. And you know what? It's actually doing really well.
Yeah, well, who'd have thought. Um, listen, um…
Does it by chance happen to mention
how long one should wait before calling a girl one just met?
Ah.
You know what, Matteo,
I'm really pleased that you would take my opinion
as a woman into consideration where all this is concerned.
Well, yeah, I seriously want your opinion.
If a guy is hot, there's no time constraints.
Half an hour could be enough for me.
-Okay. So what about me? -Well, you should probably wait a month.
You're… a bitch. You really are, you know?
Oh, yeah. I'm just kidding.
But since when does a guy like you read these kinds of books?
You reading horoscopes now too?
Okay. So the book says to wait 24 hours,
but I wouldn't do that.
-So, what do I do? -Send her a text.
Like the rest of the world, no? Only a real loser calls, Matteo.
24 hours?
24 hours is crazy. It doesn't make sense.
MATTEO'S MACBOOK PRO
Hello?
Uh, yeah. Hello!
Hi, there. This is Matteo.
Matteo… I'm Luca's friend.
Oh, hi.
How are you?
Hi. I'm doing pretty well. Good, thanks.
I was wondering, is this too soon to be calling you?
Too soon for what?
Well, the actual question is, how long should a man wait
before calling a woman he just met?
Because there's this book
that says-- Not that I looked it up.
But it says the appropriate time would be 24--
Hello?
My colleague says I should call right away.
I…
Hello? He--
-Hello? -Hello?
Sorry. I went into an elevator, and my phone cut out.
Ah… No problemo.
I thought maybe you hung up on me
because of that bad joke I made about calling you, so I, uh…
Well, it was pretty bad.Yeah.
Well, that was kind of my, uh…
How do I put this?
Tactic. Yeah, that was a…
…my secret tactic.
Ah, the pity card.
Ah, well, you can never underestimate how razor-thin the line is
between pity and endearing.
Uh-huh, I get it.
So then, once you've succeeded in getting a girl to pity you,
what happens next?
Uh, well, theoretically, she would accept a dinner invitation.
Theoretically, of course…
And theoretically, when would that be?
Tomorrow night?
And theoretically, where?
Um…
I know a really fabulous place.
Yeah?
Very quiet.
Yeah?
-A bit out of the way. -Ah.
-You'll like it. -Ciao.
See you tomorrow.
I CHALLENGE YOU
Hmm. Daring me now.
LOVE
Ah…
A bit of flour.
Perfect.
Look great, right?
And now… photo.
There we go. And done.
Beautiful.
THE MOST DIFFICULT THING ON EARTH
Now send it to Giulia. There!
See if she takes the bait.
No way.
Hmm?
Must've been hard to go out and buy those meringues
at Dolce Desideri, hmm?
No!
What an idiot!
No.
I'M AN IDIOT
I didn't mean to crush your self-confidence.
Well, currently, it's at an all-time low.
But… I can be persuaded to forgive you if you agree to have dinner with me?
All right. What's she sayin'?
"Okay." Okay! Who's the master? Me or you?
Huh? Is it me or you? Me or you?
Yes, I'm the master. I'm the master.
No, I'm sorry. We have a wedding tonight.
No, that's not possible. Good night.
Good evening. Could we get a table for two?
-Yes. -What name did you book it under?
Rossi. Signor Rossi.
And Signora Rossi.
-You never booked a table, right? -No. I usually don't need to.
Don't worry. Let's go.
Could you possibly suggest another place that's not too far?
We're pretty isolated around here.
Which is part of its charm. And that's why I come here, the charm.
-So, can you help us? -Come on. Let's just go.
Welcome, guys!
Wait, you're, uh… cousins from Campobasso!
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no. -No.
We're just guests. We just came here to have dinner…
You look so elegant. Is it your anniversary?
No, it was our first date. And probably the last.
It's your first date? No way! We had our first date here?
Has to be fate. Maybe you'll get married too.
You have to stay. This place is good luck. It has to be destiny.
Please, you will join us, won't you? You can't ignore fate, after all.
Okay. Well, congratulations.
-We have to get going. -No, no. Come on!
-Where are you going? -Some place far away.
-But thank you so much. -You came all this way. Stay.
Plus, you're already here, so now you're our guests.
You have to help us enjoy our celebration of love.
And besides, those cousins from Campobasso…
Never turn down a bride. By the way, the name's under "Rossi."
…a big "mazel tov" for our lovely friends! Ladies and gentlemen, David and Rebecca!
Auguri!
And what's your dog's name?
Let's go.
"Let's go"?
Okay, let's say you have a dog named Nana.
-Mm-hmm. -You'll say, "Let's go, Nana."
"Let's go" is faster and more efficient.
No?
I can't even imagine what you'll call your kids.
How about you? Got a cat or a… fish? Koala?
Mmm.
No, I…
Listen,
mind if I ask you a bit of a blunt question?
Hmm.
Don't you get bored with this sometimes?
With what exactly?
You message me in chat, and I respond.
Then you give me your number, but I don't give you mine.
Then I text you, and you respond to my message,
while both of us try our best to sound brilliant, clever, and witty,
but not intrusive.
Wouldn't it be a lot easier if, um, one of us just said to the other,
"Oh, you're pretty nice-looking."
"You don't look like a serial killer. Let's fuck."
Come on, if you have to pretend that you baked meringues
just so you can take a girl out for dinner,
there's gotta be something wrong with that, right?
Look, if you're in the market to find your spouse, that's something else.
We could spend the whole evening talking about dogs, cats, goldfish,
koalas…
But you and me…
Wouldn't it be better if we just went back to my place,
fucked our brains out, then watched Stranger Things before bed?
Check.
Hey, if you haven't seen this one, you're welcome to stay.
What episode are you on?
Uh, the first one of season three.
Um, I saw that one.
You're gonna like it. It's a good one.
-So, no strings attached, right? -All right.
-Good night. -Ciao.
Mmm, Dario?
Give me a call, okay?
What a dick.
Ladies.
-Hold that? -Yeah, sure. I'll hold on to that.
-Here you go. -Thanks.
-Fine. -Thanks.
It's a simple matter of two slightly different opinions.
Because Sara thinks that you would be a better fit
with Chiara, the long-haired anesthetist.
And you with Giulia, the rock 'n' roll mathematician.
Because she says opposites attract, whereas I think that--
Birds of a feather flock together.
Yeah, great. Put the tables together.
There.
-To an amazing meal together. -Cheers!
-Guys. I'm going that way. -Bye!
Really nice meeting you.
It says that you should wait at least 24 hours, but I wouldn't call.
What do I do, then?
Send her a text, like the rest of the world, no?
Seriously, only losers call, Matteo.
But, 24 hours? 24 hours is crazy. It doesn't make sense.
-This is crazy. -So…
-How much longer do you have to wait? -Uh…
Thirty-seven minutes.
Don't tell me you're actually counting.
Matteo, if you want to call her, just call.
No, no, no. No, no, no, no. I will resist, resist, resist, resist,
resist, resist, resist, resi--
I know what I'll do. I'll go get a coffee.
Coffee. Coffee. Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.
-Bye. Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee… -Bye.
Bye, everyone. See you tomorrow.
Giulia?
-Matteo! -Hey!
Uh, I… I… I wasn't expecting to run into you here.
No? did you not think I could read?
No.No, no, no. It's just, I actually work here.
Yeah, the consultancy office is upstairs so I just came down to grab a coffee.
So, uh, what are you doing here?
Promise you won't let it get to your head?
I'll do my best.
A-ha! What'd I say? Ha! I convinced you!
This is definitely gonna go to my head. I actually convinced you.
Well, you talked about it ad nauseam, so it's more like you wore me down.
Great.
And now… I was looking for something that's a bit lighter,
figuratively and literally.
Ah, were you looking for a recipe book?
No. No, no, no.
Actually, I'm open to suggestions.
Let's look around, see what tickles your fancy.
-Sounds good. -Come.
Um…
This way.
-Hmm. -Hmm.
I'm feeling guilty.
-About what? -Because I'm making you spend a fortune.
Why? You getting commission off me, or what?
I wish.
I wish. No, no, not at all.
No, no, no, no, no. Listen, how about this? I'll pay for half.
-Why? Don't worry. -I'm serious. Let me pay you back somehow.
How many are there?
How about this… Two, four, six, eight…
I'll pay for three. That's what? About 25%?
Mmm, yeah, 25%.
Why not just take me out for dinner?
Sure.
-Watch where you're going! -Oh my God, I'm sorry!
Sorry!
I swear it was like he came out of nowhere.
I was just trying to back out of my parking spot and…
Don't worry.
Most important thing is the guy on the scooter wasn't hurt.
No, he wasn't hurt.
But there was damage to his scooter, not to mention my car.
I never usually take it to work, but…
I generally don't deal with these things.
But… it's called courtesy of right of way.
And, most likely, it will end up in contributory negligence.
I'll have your insurance send me a copy of the report.
Thanks.
Hey, I'm sorry I made you stay so late,
but this has never happened to me, and I didn't know who else to call.
-And Giulia had your number, so I… -Ah…
No, don't worry. It's fine.
Anyway, you're right. And…
-It is late, but… -Yes.
…maybe you want to go out and grab dinner? Up for it?
Yes.
I'll go get my jacket.
Okay.
-Be right back. -Okay.
No, no, no. I like the place. It's in a safe quiet neighborhood,
but, oh my God, the neighbors.
What about them?
Mmm, all right, so the first night I'm there,
I'm about to go to bed, and then all of a sudden, what do I hear?
Beethoven.
Yeah, but, Beethoven.
Well, no, because the very next night, what do I hear? Beethoven. And again.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da!
So now, I'm gonna go upstairs to see what's going on, right?
-Mm-hmm. -So I go up, okay?
I knock on their door.
-And who answers? -I don't know. Tell me.
You won't believe this, but some old couple in their eighties
who have been married for 70 years.
If they were in their eighties, they couldn't have been married--
I know, but that's besides the point.
What I'm getting at is this old couple were having a lot more fun than I was.
Okay, but… if they're still goin' at it in their eighties, good for them, no?
Don't get me wrong. I think that's amazing,
but when I went back downstairs to my place all alone,
it kind of really bummed me out.
Because, well, here's this couple in their eighties goin' at it, you know,
da-ra-da-da, da-ra-da-da.
And there I was home alone with my cat.
And it's kind of--
-Ah, you have a cat? -Yeah.
What's its name?
-Renato. -Renato?
-Yes. -Nice name, Renato.
Renato.
-Well, good evening. -Hi.
You look amazing.
So, I read Twenty Years After.
And? Well? Well?
What's that face all about? You didn't like it? No!
So what I do is I give a book a 50-page grace period.
If it doesn't grip me, I skip to the end.
So you read 50 full pages since yesterday? I mean, really, 50 full pages?
-Yeah, why? How slowly do you read? -Uh, very slowly, apparently.
But, luckily, I'm extremely talented at picking restaurants.
Tonight, I'm taking you to an amazing place.
The food is incredible.
It's a bit out of the way, but you'll see all the stars.
-Love it. What time did you reserve for? -No, I didn't make a reservation.
I never do. No one knows about it.
-Sorry, but how far is this place? -About an hour, give or take.
It might be a good idea to call them first.
-Just in case it's closed. -No, don't worry about it.
This place is always open. They won't be closed.
All right. You want me to call? I have no problem with that.
Watch this. You think I won't call, huh?
No, but…
All right. No problem. Here I go. Look. This is me calling.
Of course, I'll call.
Okay everyone, we're having a toast. Come on, be quiet…
-Hello. -Yes.
Good evening. Do you have a table for two, please?
-Sorry. We have a wedding party. -Ah.
I'm afraid we can't take any reservations tonight.
-Have a good night. -Sure. Sure, sure.
Was it closed?
There was a wedding.Wow.
Uh…
Clearly, you're a psychic, but it wasn't closed.
Anyway, we have a more pressing issue, like where we're…
Come on, I know a pretty nice place around the corner.
Yeah, well, did you book it?
-Just kidding. -Park your car.
Park the car. Right.
Sure I can't give you a ride?
No, the 64 drops me right in front of my place, but thanks anyway.
Thank you for the, uh, consultation.
And thanks so much for dinner.
My pleasure, and thank you for the company.
Thanks.
What's funny?
I'm so sorry, but I haven't dodged a kiss like that in years.
All right, but… Why are you laughing?
No, I'm sorry, really. It's… It's not you. I swear, it's not.
Sorry.
It's just that I don't go out with guys like you anymore.
Excuse me. What do you mean "guys like me"?
-What are you doing? -I'll get off at the next stop.
Would you mind explaining to me the concept of what you just said?
-All right. No offense, okay? -Hmm.
Okay. You're a one-night-stand kind of guy, right?
-And how did you come up with that? -I just find it kind of obvious.
You're a real smooth operator.
-It's a compliment, okay? -Well, thank God it's a compliment.
I can't believe you think that.
Look, they're all right, but you can't really look me in the eye
and say you like the supermarket brand over the original.
I'll have you know that studies have been done using different parameters.
Ingredients, packaging quality, and dunking resistance, of course.
You're telling me dunking resistance is a factor?
Oh, it most certainly is, and they've concluded
that supermarket biscotti is actually the best in all aspects.
Come on. Aren't you fed up with all of this?
You text me. We go out for dinner.
At the end of the night, you come to my place.
-We fuck, and then what? -Oh.
-What? -What? Do you end up staying over?
No. I want what comes after all that, the cuddling, the hugging.
-That's the part I want. -I see.
Look, you're pretty much on the money.
I'm not interested in a serious relationship.
And do I want to sit and cuddle on the couch? No.
Ah, I told you.
-Fine, but tell me this. -'Kay.
At what point in the evening did you figure me all out?
Well, it was when we were at Luca and Sara's, actually. No offense.
I got fish. You got meat.
I would've preferred red, and instead, we're drinking white.
And, by all accounts, we have very different tastes in music.
And apparently, we can't even agree on the best biscotti either.
Well, what I gathered about you this evening is that you're a girl who is…
What?
Is…
-Is? -Is down for it.
What are you talking about? Because I was laid back,
you thought I was down to get laid?
Maybe it's because I'd already decided I was riding you off.
-Cats or dogs? -Obviously, cats.
-Beach or mountains? -Are you kidding me right now? Beach!
Okay, wait.
-Dogs. -Yes.
-And mountains any day. -Oh, come on.
Mountains make you want to slit your wrists.
I get bored after five minutes at the beach.
And that's because you don't read the right books. That's why.
That's the reason.
I can accept you rejecting me, even if you'd already made up your mind.
But that only makes you… …more, how did you describe it again,
laid back?
I'd say irresistible.
-You see what you do? -What?
-I see what you're doing. -What?
-"Irresistible"? -Irresistible.
And what are you gonna say next, that my father must've stolen
the two brightest stars and put them in my eyes?
I'll call you after I hear from your insurance company.
Okay.
-Hey, we can still be friends, though. -Uh, no. No.
Uh, you're, uh, not the kind of girl I could be friends with.
Okay.
What kind of girl am I?
Okay. Now, pay attention because this is very important.
Do you place the toilet paper so it rolls out from the top of the roll
or the bottom?
I don't use it.
What?
I'd like to continue working in Italy,
but I know that if I go abroad, I can make upwards of 50,000 euros
for a three-month contract.
Yeah, I can't argue with that.
It's not just about the money. I want you to know that.
No, no, of course. I totally get it.
It also has to do with what kind of value society attributes to that kind of a job.
Exactly right.
Thanks.
It's incredible. We seem to agree on just about everything.
Yeah. I'd say it's even starting to get boring.
Well, thank God I'm finally home.
This is your chance to cut and run from this failed evening.
Uh, all right, then. Well, have a good night.
I was only kidding.
-Uh… -I mean…
Why leave now, when we're finally finding a few things we have in common?
TWO MONTHS LATER
-What's wrong? -Nothing.
So listen…
-Um… -I knew it!
I knew there was something wrong.
No, it's just, uh, this… this fun thing that Stella…
-Yeah? -…is dealing with. It's a book.
Things Couples Don't Know About Themselves.
And maybe you've read it as well?
I read everything. You know that. Every book out there.
You should.
Anyways, as to what I was saying…
So this book suggests that you're in a stable relationship
if a girl has left 20 things around your place, 20 things.
-Yes? -Twenty things…
implies you've reached girlfriend status. Okay?
Okay.
So, apart from, uh, being offended
that this book says a woman has to mark her territory like a dog,
I think it's ridiculous. What's the point here?
Is it so important for a woman to be given the label of "girlfriend," huh?
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. -Yeah.
And by the way, uh, I don't have anywhere near 20.
-Oh, no? -Not even close.
All right. Then you won't mind having a look around.
-Fine. -Let's take a little stroll.
-Shall we? -Let's do that. Great.
-One. -All right.
Pj's, two.
-Two. -Well, look what we have here.
Ha-ha!
WHOLE WHEAT
-Doesn't count. You eat it too. -Yes, it does.
Oh no, it counts.
I only buy it because you eat it, so it definitely counts.
Yessiree, it counts. Sure does.
Eh…
Take those off a sec.
That's four.
Uh, excuse me, but is it my fault you don't have slippers for guests?
Seriously!
Quattro. Quattro. Quattro.
Lookie here!
What've we got? Two pairs of panties, two pairs of socks, T-shirts.
Ooh, look at what this is. What's this?
Shampoo for wavy hair. That's thirteen.
Oh! Angela's Ashes. Yours.
-What's his name again? -Come on!
-Razor. -Yeah, that's mine.
Ah, and what's this here? We're up to eighteen now.
I'm not great with math, but we're close.
Ooh la la, this looks like a make-up bag, doesn't it?
-In the bag, we've got some foundation… -No, no, no.
The make-up bag only counts as one thing.
But fine, if you want to win by cheating, go ahead and count it.
-That's fine. -No, it's all right. No problem.
We'll only count it as one thing. So, nineteen. Nineteen!
There!
Now, you can go back to the author of that book
and say that I have not marked my territory
and that we are officially not labeled as a couple.
-So there. -That's a shame.
Yours.
Hmm. I need to throw this thing out.
-No, don't throw it out. -Yeah, it's trash.
-Come on. It's so nice and soft. -Give me it.
No! No!
And besides, I like that it smells of you, so no.
-You like it? -Yeah.
Seriously?
You really want it?
Take it, then.
Thank you.
All right!
Should I say it, or do you want to?
Twenty.
Fuck yeah! Yes!
-Ooh, Roberta? -Roberta.
-Sorry, who's Roberta? -No, no, no, no.
Ah, hey, yeah, isn't she the hot one from the gym?
I really don't feel like seeing anyone tonight.
The royal pecker out of order?
You're unreal.
All right. I'll tell her I'll call her back later.
-There. Happy now? -That's more like it.
-I really don't give a shit, actually. -Gotta get dressed.
Hey, let's go!
ARE YOU UP?
YES!
-Hey. -Hey. I gotta leave right away.
Don't worry. I gotta run. I need to get back.
Now I'm the one who's late, actually.
Oh, I got some biscotti.
I got the supermarket ones.
I actually prefer them over the name brands.
I do too, you know?
It's all about…
-Dunking. -Dunking them
Yeah.
And how did the interview go, uh, for Lisbon?
-Mmm. -You kill it?
It was fine.
I think they're looking for more of a company analyst,
which isn't really my thing, so…
Hey, didn't you have to meet with that lawyer you can't stand?
Marrale? Yeah, well…
He managed to get the settlement pushed back a few months.
I'm sure he'll find a way to screw me.
Who is it?
Um, Giorgio, a guy I work with.
Okay.
-Have a good day. -You too.
-Bye. -Bye.
-Sorry, but I can't make it. -Yeah, well, I figured that.
I slept right through my alarm.
Come on, it's because you went out again last night, right?
No, I binge-watched the show on my laptop till 2:00 a.m.
Mmm.
Oh, by the way, that guy I work with, Giorgio, he's been texting me.
And um,
he's asking me all about stuff he could very easily have done by email.
-Is he breathing? -But this way, he has a reason to text me.
Isn't he cute?
Anyway, guess who hit on me?
Dario.
-Who? -Dario.
That friend of Luca's? You gave me his number.
-Remember? -Mmm.
-Oh yeah, the lawyer with the nice ass. -Yeah.
He tried to kiss me the other night, but nada, nada de nada!
Good for you.
You just got back at him for 99% of the women that he's been with.
Gotta respond to Giorgio.
He keeps texting me.
What does he want?
He wants to know if I took care of a report,
and I know I did because it was a Saturday afternoon,
and I was home with my hot water bottle because it was the first day of my period.
Well, tell him exactly why you remember,
and I guarantee that'll cool his jets a bit, you'll see.
-Okay.Ciao. -Have a good one.
Bye. Bye.
"Hey there, Giorgio…
I finished it
a month ago."
No. "Two months ago."
No.
Fuck!
Matteo?
Giulia? Giulia, how are you?
Did you just hear me spitting? I was brushing my teeth.
I was about to go out for lunch with Dario.
No. No, I didn't hear you spitting.
So, basically, I just told you that for nothing. Fabulous. Uh…
What… What can I do for you? I'm kind of rushing out the door here.
No, no, it's nothing. Don't worry about it.
Why don't I call you another time, huh?
No, it's fine. Don't worry. You can talk to me now.
Um, could we meet up later? Maybe grab a coffee?
-I need to tell you something. -Come on, meet for a coffee.
Are you gonna tell me you're pregnant or something?
Giulia? Giulia, are you pregnant?
I really didn't want to tell you over the phone.
But if I say no now and then say yes when we meet up,
that wouldn't be such a great idea.
-Sorry. I'm a moron. -Stop apologizing, Matteo.
-I'm on my over now, all right? -Sure, sure. Oh, I have nothing to eat.
-That's fine. I'm not, uh… -Well, I'm actually starving.
-I'll pick up a couple of pizzas, okay? -Yeah. Okay, thanks.
Sure. All right. I'll be there soon.
A fucking child.
Fucking hell.
Knock, knock.
-Hey. -Hey there. Okay.
I wanted to get this fantastic pizza with salami at this place I know,
but I didn't get it because you're… I don't know if you can eat it if you're…
Pregnant?
Um…
So I… I got a vegetarian, um,
potato and provolone, and a Margherita.
Of course, I could've eaten the other one if I got it, but I thought
it would just be better if I got these because I wasn't sure what you liked.
Well, I hope you like these. They're supposed to be…
-Let's put these pizzas down. -Or maybe…
-We could cook something… -Let's sit on the couch.
Alright, go on. Start with the usual embarrassing questions.
Um, right. Um…
-We're standing. -Um…
-I'm not, uh… I don't know how to… -What?
I just don't want this to sound bad.
So, uh…
This might sound bad, and I really don't want it to, but…
It's yours. Don't worry. There… There hasn't been anyone else.
Uh, no. No, no, no. That's not what I want to, uh, say.
Uh, so then, what was the question that was going to sound bad?
Do you… want to keep it?
Yeah, I want to keep it.
-Ah, all right, then. -I… I'm sorry if I…
-You… -No. No, no, no.
Just because I want to keep the baby, doesn't mean I'm expecting you…
No, no. I want it too, if you want me to want it.
What I mean is, I just wondered if you… if you… Do you want me to want it?
Well, um, I'd prefer if you were present, yeah.
Should we get married?
-Me and you? -Sure. Of course, me and you.
But only if you want to get married. Do you want to get married?
Why don't we slow down a bit. We don't…
have to rush things.
No. I was… I was just saying. Whatever you need, I'm, uh…
-Whatever. Anything. -That's great.
Anything.
Well, maybe not those corny pictures with the heart-shaped hands.
I can't do those. I never understood why people would do those.
But… But if you wanted to, fuck it, I'll do them.
They're not really that bad. And it's not like we'd have to, uh…
But just so I understand when you say, "present"…
Yeah?
What would that be' on a scale of one to ten?
On a scale of one to ten?
Yeah, where one is, um,
"everyone minds their own business, but the baby knows who his father is."
And ten is, let's say, "a couple who's been married for five years,
and names the baby after his grandfather."
Just so I can have some kind of reference on a scale of one to ten.
-Seven? -Seven!
-Seven, that's great. -What's seven to you?
-No, it's great. Seven is great. Seven! -Ah, okay.
Yeah, no, seven is great.
-Seven is awesome. -Great.
Do you mind if we have some of that pizza?
-Pizza! Sure. -Yeah.
Pizza with…?
Uh, potato and provolone.
Mind if I put my legs up on you?
God.
That feels great.
Well, then.
-Seven. -Seven.
We'll have to figure out how we, uh…
I don't know. I could make my house available. Uh…
And there's your parents, if they wanted to, you know…
-Your parents too, right? -Absolutely. Of course, my parents.
-Mmm, maybe not my parents. -No?
Okay, let's do something really weird. Put your hand on my belly.
I'm kidding! No, no, no.
Oh my God.
-I hate that kind of stuff. -You do?
-So… -You're gonna be beautiful.
-I'll be a fatted calf. -Come on.
Impossible.
You ready for this?
I am.
I think they're gonna do great. What do you think?
I don't know. They only just met.
Yeah, but I think they make a cute couple. There's chemistry there.
What's so funny? You're laughing at me, right?
All I'm saying is that if you didn't know they made a baby on their first date,
would you say that… I don't know…
But sweetie, the fact is they did make a baby on their first date,
and I don't know about you, but I'd be shitting my pants.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I would too.
But that doesn't mean it's not gonna work out.
No, of course not. No one's saying that.
We just… hope for the best.
-Ciao. -Bye, guys. Have a good night.
Good night.
-Bye. See ya. -Night, guys.
Yeah, I hope it works out for those two.
-Hey, I read something recently. -Yeah?
So this book suggested that, basically,
to figure out if you're in a serious relationship,
okay, what you have to do is count
how many things a girl has left at your place.
And if she's left more than 20,
you have officially achieved couple status.
Oh, sounds like a deep book.
Okay, but what I'm saying is you've been to Matteo's place, right?
How many things could Giulia have left there?
I don't think Giulia has ever even been to Matteo's place.
My point. That's right.
How are you gonna raise a child that way? How can you?
All right, uh, what are you saying here? Uh, what about kids with divorced parents?
But that's different. That's not the same thing at all.
I mean, two people love each other.
Then they decide to get married, and it doesn't work.
End of story. That's it.
But having kids like that, without ever having been a couple,
is totally different. It's crazy.
Yeah, but why do they… Why can't they just bring the children up together as…
Why can't they bring them up together as friends? I mean…
What's wrong?
Sorry, but weren't you the one who said friendship between men and women
wasn't really possible?
Ah, no. No.
What I said was I wasn't able to be your friend.
-Ah. -Not men and women in general.
And since it looks like we're going to be an auntie and uncle,
and they're gonna… be in desperate need of help,
I am going to make an exception.
That sounds like you're asking me to be your friend.
Well, I would absolutely love to be your friend. This is great.
-No. -Yeah.
Thank you very much.
A pleasure.
I'll be right there.
You know… I don't think we've been introduced.
I'm Claudia.
ARE YOU HOME?
NOT ON MY OWN
GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES
Good morning, honey!
Dario…
What the fuck is going on here?
How could you do this to me?
How could you do this to us?
You fucking asshole! To me and to Renato!
How could you?
My father is still paying for the wedding, open bar, surf and turf.
Four hundred people.
Four hundred, you son of a bitch!
-I hate you! You disgust me! -All right! That's enough!
She's gone. Please.
-Ah, she's gone already? -Yeah, you can stop.
Jesus, you're crazy.
I swear to God. Keep it down.
You really are nuts.
You enjoyed that, huh?
Ah, I really did.
But I never would've made a scene like that in real life.
You were pretty good.
For a minute there, I thought you really were jealous.
Yeah?
Mmm.
Listen, if you wanna see her or any other girl again,
tell me because you might end up married.
And then I'll be stuck playing the ex who's been cheated on. Okay?
I don't want to see anyone again.
-So hey, jealousy scenes aside… -Hmm.
…what is it you want from me on a Sunday morning?
What's up?
-IKEA. -Ah, IKEA, right. IKEA.
And being your…
…amigo, eh…
"Eh."
-…apparently has advantages. -Yes.
Like this morning, I woke up and said, "I really wanna go to IKEA."
But who was it who looked after this handsome little doggie
the last few days, huh, while you were being Mr. Hotshot Lawyer,
traveling all over the world, huh?
I only spent two days in La Spezia last month
on that case that I lost miserably.
Whatever. It's all right.
Here.
Got your keys.
Hmm.
Keep 'em.
Okay.
By the way, whoever invented diaper bins is a fucking genius.
Fifty euros… for a bin made of plastic.
Okay, it takes away the smell, but it's still a fucking bin made of pla--
Fifty euros is robbery! You with me? Highway robbery in broad daylight, huh?
So what do you think of Andrea?
Andrea who? Who's Andrea?
Ah, Andrea. Andrea, yeah, no.
Uh… No, not Andrea. No.
Not Andrea. It's just so… No, no.
It should be something more…
more original,
like Vega.
-Vega. -Vega. Vega. That's cool.
You mean like the star?
What? You actually know there's a star called Vega?
You're a genius, you, huh?
But actually, no, not that.
I was talking about a character that's a Street Fighter.
You ever heard of it? With a mask and a claw…
Really cool.
Yes, I know it.
And my favorite character is Bruce Wayne, but I'm not gonna name my son Batman.
You know what would be really awesome?
Listen to this…
-We call one of them Bruce… -Yeah.
-…in honor of Bruce Willis. -Uh-huh.
Perfect, right?
And we call the other one Wayne,
in honor of Wayne Rooney.
Why are you laughing?
-You don't even know who he is. -Okay. Who is he?
-Hello. Can I help you with anything? -No, thank you.
-Thanks. -My God, we're being ridiculous.
We've only been together for a short time, and we're walking around in a baby store.
-We're crazy, right? -So what?
We can go wherever the hell we want whenever we want.
In the end, we'll see where we end up.
Yeah, sure, surrounded by onesies and strollers.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, you should be together for a while, then get married, whatever…
Oh man.
What? What's wrong? What's wrong? What's going on?
No, I was just thinking that there's nothing wrong
with letting a bit of time pass between one child and another.
No, look, look, stop, all right?
Because no one is rushing us into anything.
No one.
Congratulations!
Give me a kiss.
So do you have a due date yet that we can put in our calendar?
Hmm, well…
Uh, we were thinking that we get married, either in three months…
-Or a year and three months. -So we decided three months!
-We're getting married! -Yeah!
Ah.
Yeah.
-Are you nuts? -Wait, no, I think this is a great thing.
-Yeah? Oh. -This is amazing news!
Honey, tell them how great it is.
It's fantastic that you're getting married!
We'll just do something really quiet.
-Are you kidding me? -Forget that.
You always start with "something quiet," and then you've got 400 people coming.
Right. We've been there.
-Come here. -Dario?
Right?
-Yeah. -Have you got a light?
I'm Claudia.
I work with Marrale.
Yeah.
-Yeah, I remember you really well. -Oh, "really well," huh?
-So, do you live around here? -No.
I'm actually out with friends tonight.
I live really close by.
Oh.
Yeah.
-Bye. Have a good night. -Yeah. You too.
And FYI, she wasn't the only one who made a pass at me recently.
Let me get this straight. You want me to congratulate you
on your latest conquest?
No.
On the contrary.
Over the past months,
there haven't been any conquests,
no other dates, and yeah, uh…
No other women at all.
Except…
Um…
Except you.
And you? Have you?
Have I what?
No, me either.
Hello?
-Hello. -Hi, Giulia.
I emailed you that balance sheet.
Ah, okay, thanks for that.
-No problem. Talk to you later. -Bye.
"We are pleased to inform you that you have been chosen
for our new Finance Director in our office in Lisbon, Portugal!"
Chiara, hey.
-So, I got it! -Amazing! where is it?
-It's in Lisbon! -Oh my God, that's fantastic!
-I'm so happy for you! -Thanks. I just got the email.
-Well, we've got to celebrate. Come on! -Absolutely. I'll take care of everything.
-By the way, you're the first one I told. -Oh, this is so great!
So what's up?
Nothing. A few months ago I had an interview for this job in Lisbon.
Hmm.
-Ever heard of market microstructure? -Of course.
-It's high-frequency trading? -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Anyway, apparently, I got it, but I can't take it.
-Why not? -Uh…
All right, so when do they want you to start?
-In June. -In June. And for how long?
Six months. Why are you asking me all of this when it's out of the question?
Wait a minute. The baby's not gonna be born before February, right?
And the three of us could all leave together in June.
Huh?
You're gonna be on maternity leave anyway, right?
And this way we'll have all spring to get ourselves organized.
-Are you serious? -Yeah, of course. Why not?
What'll you do about your job?
That won't be a problem. I still have email and video conference.
No problem.
As long as you still wanna go and bring, um…
-LeBrown. -No, it's not "LeBrown."
-It's "LeBron". -Bron.
Mmm, LeBron.
-You really mean it? -Yeah.
-And the three of us will go together? -Yeah.
For real?
Party time, bud!
Look, all kidding aside,
if the mother of your child has to go, I understand you want to go with her.
Uh-huh.
-But let me tell you something. -What's that?
-I don't want to put you in a tough spot. -Yeah, yeah, what is it?
Aldo's retiring at the end of the year,
and a consultant will be promoted to senior editor.
You have exactly what we're looking for to take over that job.
-Thank you. -Do you know what that means?
It means dealing with the authors, responsibilities
when it comes to editorial choices and acquisitions.
-But… -But…
I'm well aware that it's not a job that can be done remotely.
Exactly.
Stella! Stella.
Stella would be perfect for this position.
Perfect.
-Sure. Yeah, she'd be great. -Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Wait, who the hell is Stella?
What do you mean, "Who's Stella?"
I work with her. You've met her before.
Oh, uh, I don't remember.
And you're under the impression your boss wanted to give you that job?
Yeah, but it doesn't matter.
Look, what matters to me is firstly, being able to go with Giulia,
and secondly, being able to keep the job I already have.
Plus, I only found out about this promotion yesterday.
I just think it's crazy giving away a promotion like that.
I didn't give anything away. Stella deserves it.
Can I just say something? Stella's a really shit name.
-What? What did I say? -Shh.
No. You're thinking of calling your kid Stella?
Really?
You're hilarious.
Well, then…
You like her, huh?
Huh?
-You like her. -No.
-No, you like her. Admit it. You like her. -Please, will you stop with that?
You don't know what you're talking about.
I like her.
-Huh? -I like her.
-You like her? -I do.
-What do you mean? -No, hang on.
I'm saying, if the situation was different, you know.
Ah.
Well, let me just remind you your pregnant lady is waiting for you.
-So, you nervous? -Come on. Fuck. Not you too.
Everyone is asking me if I'm nervous. I wasn't nervous before.
Wow.
You look amazing.
You're nervous, aren't you?
Hi.
Wait up! Wait up. Wait up.
Didn't you guys actually go to a wedding last year?
-Yeah, we did. -We went to Matteo's wedding.
-The buffet was ridiculous. -It wasn't good?
-It was amazing. Totally decadent. -So you haven't made this all up?
No, of course not.
Why would I make up a story about a wedding? Come on.
I get it, but it can't all be true.
Who did Matteo end up marrying?
-Doesn't matter. It's not important. -Ah…
Yes, it is. I wanna know how this whole thing ends.
Just listen. I'll tell you about Giulia in Lisbon.
-Her job started in June. -Mm-hmm.
-Okay? -Hmm.
Look, we're gonna be apart for a while. Do you have to look so pissed off?
I'm not pissed off. You're saying I look pissed off?
Well, then why are you acting like this?
I'm just taking everything all in.
Well, it looks like you're really cold and removed.
Next thing you'll say is I don't support you and…
that I don't want you to go away.
-Look, I never thought that. -Yeah.
Well, you were wrong. I don't want you to go away.
I knew I shouldn't have let you take me to the airport
because you're only going to get caught up in the situation…
What situation is that?
I've been hoping for months you'd change your mind.
Why didn't you say anything?
Because I don't know how to say things sometimes.
Would you have stayed?
-It's only six months. -I knew it.
Hey, promise me…
…we're not going to argue the whole time I'm gone, hmm?
Oh my God, I forgot my ticket.
Kidding.
All passengers departing for Lisbon are requested to proceed to…
No, not a baby, no.
Oh my God, please, don't let them be sitting beside me.
All passengers to Lisbon to Gate 12.
If he keeps crying like this, we're never gonna make it to Lisbon.
They'll probably throw us off the plane before we get there.
Here, let me take him for a bit. Maybe I can calm him down.
-Careful. -It's all right.
-Okay. Shh. -Come to Papa. That's my boy.
-That's a good boy. -Come to Papa. Okay.
There you go.
Shh. Aw.
There you go.
Huh? Hey, hey.
-There you go. Good boy. -Ah.
Yeah. See? You don't have to get upset.
I know traveling can be boring, but you don't have to cry, huh?
'Cause we're going on an adventure to a beautiful place where there'll be
whales
in the ocean.
There'll be so many other amazing things,
and you won't remember anything because you're still too little.
Huh, think about it.
But, that's the twist. You won't remember any of this,
so there's really no reason to cry about it, all right?
Huh? See, it's more fun when you're not crying.
Huh?
Hi.
But we still love you even though it seems like you're possessed by Beelzebub.
I love you.
Did you hear that? Mommy loves you, huh?
Mommy loves you even when you're a little monster.
I was talking to you.
Ah, you like being with your Daddy, don't you?
Who's a good boy?
You're a good boy, aren't you?
Let's go, guys. Pick up the pace a bit.
Come on, Dario.
-One foot in front of the other. -This guy's so stressed.
You all know how much I've been dying to do this
from the second we got here.
Plus, this is apparently the best time to actually see humpback whales.
And we're currently in the best place in the world to see them!
Good morning.
Come on, guys. A bit more enthusiasm. Honey, you too.
-This is gonna be unbelievable. -Don't mind him.
He's only doing this to get under your skin, you know that.
Five tickets.
-Five tickets? Okay. -Yes.
-How old is the baby? -Five months. Yes. Five months.
Yes.
Kids under three are not allowed on the boat. I'm sorry.
Ah, no?
-It's all right. -No.
You go.
-Go on, yeah. We'll just stay here. -No.
-Unless you want us all to stay. -No way. No. Listen to me.
Guys, somebody has to see those humpback whales.
Maybe not me or Andrea, but somebody has to see them.
-Where are you going? -Okay, guys.
Don't look at me like that. No. You know it's not my fault, right?
-Ahoy, guys! -All right, bye!
DOLPHINS BAY
So, in Portuguese a humpback whale is a…
Baleia jubarte.
Whereas the scientific name is…
I believe it's Megaptera,
taken from méga pterión, understand?
For "big wings."
-You learned that in school? -Yep.
-So did I. -Good for you.
Look! There!
Do you see the wings?
See?
-So cool. -What the fuck is he laughing at?
Look how beautiful! Oh!
Look!
Why are we alone all of a sudden?
Oh, my mouth was open.
Did you see how close it got? Beautiful, huh?
Beautiful.
Shh!
Ah, Dario, I have to tell you something.
All right, so what happened today was just spur of the moment, right?
It's not like I'm rejecting you or anything.
It's just that I…
I don't want to ruin our friendship. You know what I mean?
-I know that sounds like a cliché, but… -I only wanted to go to the bathroom.
Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I…
Anyway, I feel exactly the same way.
Ah, that's good, then.
No worries.
That's great.
Good night.
-Hey, guys. -Cheers.
Hi!
You having a good time?
Sure.
We're here for you, remember?
You always said you wanted to meet my friends.
Look, I'm just a bit tired after the trip, that's all.
Go.
-Oh, Dario, could you just get my stuff? -Yeah.
Thanks.
So, are you having a good time?
Uh, yeah. We've been sightseeing, and just basic tourist stuff.
We've been arguing since he got here.
It's because you haven't seen each other in a while.
So, how long are you staying?
Just a couple of days.
You're leaving already?
He would have come sooner, but, um…
I've been working a lot.
Even during the weekend.
Yeah. Long-distance relationships, they're the… they're the worst.
My girlfriend, she's in New York,
so I know the feeling. Yes.
I just hate it.
The lack of intimacy.
That feeling you have nothing to talk about.
-The jealousy. -Yeah.
Well, good thing it's gonna be over pretty soon.
Yeah.
-Have you told him yet? -No. Not yet.
What?
-Um… -Um…
-I propose a toast. -Yes.
-A brindisi. -Yeah.
-To Lisboa. -To Lisboa.
To Lisboa.
Cheers.
Okay, now. Go to Mama. Go to Mama.
Yeah.
Here we are.
-You having fun? -Big time.
Not still thinking about the offer, are you?
No.
Anyway, I don't want you to feel guilty if we have to stay another six months.
It's your project, after all.
I'm not doing it because I feel guilty.
-Sorry, not doing what? -Hey, guys.
Um, just to say
that I'm very glad to have all of you around here tonight.
-Glad to be here. -Thank you.
Oh, after all,
partying is the best way to say goodbye.
-Matteo, Andrea, and I… -Really?
…are going back to Italy.
Aw. No.
I love you.
Happy for you guys.
What is this?
It's the whale's mating song
during the mating season, if you can believe that.
-Ah. -He sent me six voice messages like that.
-The guy's mental. -Yeah. Yeah.
I can't imagine how much shit I'm gonna get into
when I tell him I never actually went to see them.
-I really miss him and Chiara, you know? -It's just a couple of months.
You'll see. It'll fly by in no time.
Yeah, well, about that, um…
the head of the department
asked me if I could stay on until next summer.
Just to finish the project I've been working on.
-You're telling me this now? -When was I supposed to tell you, Dario?
-Like, maybe any other time. -We've argued since you got here.
-What does that have to do with it? -We didn't need another reason to fight.
Sure! That's the reason.
-You accepted? -No, I haven't.
I wanted to talk to you before…
You're telling me this half an hour before I fucking have to leave, Giulia!
Do whatever the fuck you want, okay?
[melancholy music playing
Go park the car and I'll check in. I'll see you inside.
Yeah.
Where are you?
Uh, at security.
I thought we were meeting at the check-in.
I had to get in line. There were a lot of people here.
So you're just gonna leave like that? No goodbye? Nothing?
I guess so.
Ciao.
ROME, TWO MONTHS LATER
There he is!
Sorry, I'm late.
Oh, don't worry about it. We started already.
I'm glad you did.
No, because Alberto is on call over at the hospital,
and he has to leave soon, so…
Alberto. Alberto.
-Alberto. Good to meet you, hi. -Hi, Dario. Hey.
Alberto here is, uh, Chiara's boyfriend, and she wanted us to meet him.
So, yeah.
-What do I have to do to get a spritz? -I got it!
-Thanks, hon. -A spritz.
Yeah, he is a great guy, Alberto, a great guy!
Cheers.
No, seriously, I gotta tell you, Alberto.
I am jealous as hell. Honey, we have got to get to Lisbon.
As soon as we can, we'll go.
You know what else makes it so great there?
-What. -The whale watching is amazing.
I bet! Hey, you guys saw one right up close, right in front of you?
-Yeah, um, we did. -Oh, really?
No, no, I remember, yeah.
You guys were freaking out because you could see his teeth.
-Right? -Yeah. A bit, yeah.
But it was an amazing experience, right?
Absolutely.
I went whale watching in Argentina.
-Oh, really? -You did?
-Where? -Tierra del Fuego.
Ah, you don't know how long I've wanted to go to Argentina.
-You don't say. -No, no, I'm telling you, Alberto.
Well, if you want, we can leave you alone here with Alberto,
and the two of you can talk about whatever you feel like.
-Just saying he's amazing. -Yeah.
We'll go to Patagonia together.
All right! To Patagonia, Alberto!
-Thanks for giving me a ride. -No problem.
This is the third Sunday in a row now that Alberto's had to work.
Ah!
-You don't say. -Yeah. His shift work is crazy.
What's so funny?
Have you noticed that Alberto loves the phrase,
"You don't say."
Oh, really?
"Hey, we went whale watching."
"You don't say."
"Hey, lunch is ready, guys."
"You don't say."
"Atchoo!"
"You don't say!"
Think making fun of him is funny?
Come on. I'm just having a bit of fun. It was just a joke.
Well, I'm glad you're having fun at my boyfriend's expense.
-Your boyfriend? -Yeah.
Three weeks and you're already a couple?
And what? Are you jealous?
Not for a second.
Well, maybe you're just annoyed that I fell in love.
-In love, no less? -Yes.
-Are you, now? -See?
-I knew you were jealous. -No, you want me to be jealous.
Really? I wasn't the one acting like an asshole at lunch
in front of everyone just to annoy me.
Why would you get annoyed? Explain it to me. Why?
You don't go out with guys like me. Don't you remember saying that?
Now I don't even want to be friends with a guy like you.
Yeah, well, that suits me just fine, so get out.
So you're just gonna dump me in the middle of nowhere?
This is your house. Get out.
Ah.
Bye.
Whenever I'm around you, I feel great.
I feel strong. I feel brilliant. I feel…
Mmm, you're always brilliant.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
-What are you doing? What are you doing? -It's my time, so kiss me.
Wait, wait. Sweetheart, wait. This isn't the time for me, not for me.
Matteo, we've been trying for months now.
-Have you changed your mind? -What? No. Of course, I haven't.
Not at all. What are you talking about? But what are we supposed to tell him, huh?
That he was conceived in a bathroom of a restaurant?
No! No. No. No.
Yeah, but I know you.
When we get back to the house, you've had a bit to drink,
you'll sit on the couch. You won't feel like it.
No, it's not that I won't feel like it. I don't feel like it now. I might later.
Huh? It's not like a light switch.
I can't just flick it on and off. It doesn't work like that. Come on.
Jeez.
And sweetie, this is supposed to be a work dinner.
So let's stay focused on that. Come on. Come on.
Come on.
I have to say I really liked it.
Yeah, all of that violence and blood…
Yes, I can attest to that. He didn't sleep a wink all night.
-Tell him. -Just told him.
He may not have slept all night,
but my readers don't expect this sort of thing from me.
The whole splatter, the horror, it's really not my thing.
I know. Don't worry.
But now that I'm the creative director, I'm gonna make sure you are
the next Stephen King.
The next Shirley Jackson.
Come on. Shirley Jackson, Stephen King.
I pretty much threw the towel on this book a long time ago.
What do you mean "threw in the towel"?
No, no, no, no, no. Don't even think about it.
I'm gonna work with you on this one.
And even if I found a publisher in London. Don't worry.
-London? -London.
In London, there's actually a publisher interested in publishing this book?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Buried Remains sounds amazing.
Buried Remains.
-Amazing, yeah. -Fuck. Wow. It does sound great.
-Damn right. -Yeah.
Better believe it does. Huh?
LONDON, TWO MONTHS LATER
When he told him the amount of the advance he was getting,
he burst out laughing.
No, no, he went right back to the airport after dinner. He was walking on air, yeah.
He was beaming.
Okay.
Great. See you tomorrow.
-Pretty cool, huh? -Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
Did you see his face when I suggested the title?
Mm-hmm. No, no, his eyes totally lit up.
Anyway, this guy is the best when it comes to dark stories. The best.
Yeah, too bad about the horror.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
That was a shitty idea I had!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Really, thank you for stopping me before I got too far.
-It wasn't that bad -Yes.
No, no.
All kidding aside, I feel a bit guilty because this job should've been yours.
-What are you talking about? -It's true.
This should be your job, not mine.
-No! No, no, no, no, no. -Yes!
-No, no, no. Come on. No way. -Yeah.
-Look at you. You're perfect. -Mmm.
And you've always been much better than me with this.
Always. Really.
Much better.
What's wrong? Am I embarrassing you?
You're embarrassed?
No.
Feel like getting a drink?
Mm, sure.
Um, may I have a bottle of Scotch, please?
Room 407.
Yes, Madam.
No one has ever done this well in their first year as editor in chief.
-You think? -I do.
Here's to you.
You've been working so hard
you haven't had time to go get your hair cut.
Chiara, when I was in London I fucked up.
How so?
I was depressed because my meetings weren't going well.
And I ended up staying in Stella's room.
So you stayed with…
…with Stella?
-Stella… -Yeah. Yes.
Yeah.
But it really didn't mean anything at all.
I swear, it didn't.
-Nothing. -You had sex with her?
It didn't mean anything. I swear to you, nothing at all.
Did you have sex with her?
You had sex with her.
Chiara, please, just listen.
Chiara. Chiara!
Listen. Listen. Listen. Please, just listen for a second.
I'm sorry.
I feel like shit about it, but I couldn't keep it in anymore.
It was driving me crazy, and I just couldn't keep it from you.
-Hey, hey. You know I love you. -Don't. Please, don't!
You know I love you.
Hey. Say something, anything at all.
Tell me to fuck off. I deserve it. I know. I'm an asshole.
-You'd like that, huh? -Go ahead. I deserve it.
You'd really like that. You'd feel less like shit, am I right?
Huh?
-Listen. All I want is for you to, um… -Do not touch me.
Just don't, okay?
You have every reason in the world to be mad at me. I know. I know.
I have three.
Number one, you cheated on me.
Number two, you don't even have the balls to keep it to yourself!
That's too hard for you. Too hard!
Number three…
Excuse me, miss, I have to ask you something.
You know anyone who's such a bastard, such a prick,
that in the seventh month of your pregnancy,
when you're out buying cribs together, he tells you he cheated on you?
Well?
Huh?
Do you know anyone who's such a bastard?
You're a bastard.
Oi.
Hello?
-Yes? -Dario, sorry, I don't have your number.
It's Alberto, Chiara's boyfriend.
Oh, Alberto.
Hey.
-Listen, what are you doing tonight? -Um…
Tonight…
No real plans. Why?
There's this friend of mine who just moved here from Apulia.
Her name's Lucia.
She's nice and smart and very pretty.
And I thought, why not invite Dario over. You up for it?
Uh…
Why not. Sure. Looking forward to it.
You don't say. That's great.
-Yeah. -I'll pass to Chiara.
She wants to talk to you. See you later.
Yeah. Right. See you later.
Look, this wasn't my idea.
Dario, Lucia. Lucia, Dario.
-Pleasure. -Hi.
We're having fusilli with shrimp and zucchini.
-Mmm, wow! -Put your wine in the fridge?
-Yeah, it'll be better. -I'll give you a hand, honey.
-Great, thanks. -Don't we have a lovely hostess?
Where are you from?
-Taranto. -No! My folks are from Lecce.
-Really? What a coincidence. -We're both from Apulia.
Yes.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
What do we drink to?
-To us. -To meeting each other?
Excellent.
Okay, guys. Moment of truth here.
-Tell me if you like it. -It's amazing.
-Yeah? -Bravo.
-They opened a fish store. -You don't say.
-It's marvelous. -You see? That's just marvelous.
So convenient. It's great.
You're hilarious.
-Well done, my love. -Thanks, honey.
-How about you try some of mine. -Oh yeah, and you have some of mine.
-Yum. There you go. You like that? -Oh my goodness.
Alberto, thanks so much for a splendid evening.
Are you kidding? It was our pleasure. Anytime.
-Thanks again. -See you soon. Bye.
-Your jacket. -Oh, let me.
There.
Can I give you a ride home?
-No, I'm actually staying here tonight. -Obviously, I was speaking to Lucia.
-Depends. Which way are you going? -Your way.
Well, I think they look great together.
Me too.
Look, I think I'm gonna go home tonight.
Hmm. Why's that?
Ah! I have a ton of stuff I have to do tomorrow morning,
It'll be better if I'm already there.
-Hey. Hello. Uh… -Hello.
So?
Don't tell me. You ran out of hot water, so you came over here to have a shower.
Just stop, okay?
Look, I… I need to ask you something.
But you have to promise not to bullshit me, all right?
-Okay? -All right.
Is anyone here?
No, no. No one is here. No.
Okay.
That night…
Yeah?
In Lisbon…
Yeah?
Did you honestly have to go to the bathroom?
No.
-Good boy! -Bravo! Bravo! Happy birthday! Aw.
Auntie Chiara, can you help me a minute?
All right. Let's go inside and cut the cake, huh?
-I'll come with you. -Be right back.
Hey, buddy.
Don't cry. Mommy's gonna be right back.
It's okay, honey.
Don't worry…
Okay. Here we go. I got the knife, and it's all here.
It's okay. She's coming right back.
Did you see them?
Who?
Are you serious? Dario and Chiara.
-Uh, oh yeah. -It's a bit weird, isn't it?
Not really, no.
You okay? You seem a bit down these days.
Yeah, I got a couple of issues at work, and I…
What do you mean? I thought it all went well in London, didn't it?
Look, I know that you're annoyed because of that horror thing,
but that was never really his style, right?
He's a lot better with dark mysteries and stuff.
Yeah, you're right.
-All right. These are ready. -Yeah.
Here.
Before we go back out there, I have to talk to you about something.
I already know.
Uh, what do you mean "you already know"?
I saw the messages.
You went into my phone?
You cheated on me.
Anyway, I read the whole thing. You're still in love with your wife,
and it was all a big mistake, the whole shebang.
I'm sorry.
It's classic, but yeah.
I'm an asshole, such an asshole.
Yeah, you really are.
Plus, you thought
it was a good idea to tell me the same day as our son's birthday.
When should I have told you?
There's no good time to tell you something like this. No. It's…
Look. I'm an idiot, okay? A fucking moron.
I just…
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
By the way, we're expecting another baby.
If it's a girl,
what would you name her?
I'm so sorry.
You really hurt me, you know?
I'm sorry.
You're an idiot.
Everyone ready for cake?
-Come on. Hurry! -Come here. Come here. Come here.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
-Hurry, hurry, hurry… -Just breathe.
You have to let go of my hand, or I won't be able to help you!
Oh my God, why did I decide to go out tonight?
Ooh…
Okay.
-Hey, look, do you have your phone around? -Oh my God, Sara, my water just broke.
Oh!
Okay!
Okay, my little niece is on the way.
Your little niece has the biggest fucking head in the world.
Oh my God!
Oh, Luca.
-Oh. -So?
What happened?
Apparently, her water broke when she was in the car with Sara,
so we rushed her over here.
But everything is fine, right?
-How do I know? -What do you mean?
I mean "how do I know?" I've never been pregnant.
Sure about that?
There's lots of screaming. I know that.
-And where's Chiara? -Over there.
Matteo's with her, right?
No.
Why not?
-Because of the whole London thing, right? -Eh…
-It's his daughter… -Look, I don't know.
-Who's with Chiara? -You mean now?
-Yeah, who's with Chiara? -Uh, Sara and…
Hi.
What are you doing here?
I got back two weeks ago.
And you knew?
-Huh? -Huh.
I'll call Matteo.
-No. No, he said… -Move.
Just leave him. Leave it.
Fine. I'll go mind my own business.
How's it going?
Nothing's changed. The contractions are still coming slowly.
Oh my God, babe, I just about had a heart attack.
-Can we go outside and get some fresh air? -Sure.
Everything's fine.
Don't worry.
Good. Hurry up. I'll wait for you here.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'll wait here. Bye.
What did he say?
That…
…he's on his way.
I'm going back inside.
What are you doing?
I'm waiting here.
The last few months have been awful without you.
Even though we weren't together anymore…
…if anyone asked if I was single, I would just say that I wasn't interested.
And I wanted to call you,
but what I really wanted was for you to call me.
But no, you never did.
And every day that went by, I missed you more and…
And I tried desperately to convince myself that you didn't love me anymore.
That's bullshit, and you know it.
Why would you even dare say something like that to me?
You just left. You got on that plane and never spoke to me again.
Yeah, but that doesn't…
doesn't mean that I don't love you.
Then why didn't you ever call me?
Was it pride?
No, no. I didn't call you
for the same reason you've been here for two weeks and…
and haven't called me.
But I am sorry about it.
What's wrong?
Well, you're the mature one
because you apologized first, and now I feel like a bitch.
Uh…
Where is she?
Hey!
-So? -Well?
Um…
-She's eight pounds, four ounces. -Congratulations!
-I told you, didn't I? -Oh my God, so big!
-Has she got any hair? -Yes, lots of hair.
-Oh my God! -More than her uncle?
-Come on! -More than her uncle.
-So can we see her? -Let's go.
I can't wait to see this baby.
So, that was a fun story.
But it's a shame that half of what he told us
never actually happened.
Again? Again with that?
-When are you gonna leave this guy? -Soon maybe.
I told you before it doesn't matter. It's not important.
Yeah, you keep saying that. But according to your theory,
it's as if anyone can be with anyone.
No, absolutely not.
All I'm saying is that having things in common isn't nec--
All right. Let's do this.
Let's all go back to the whole apple metaphor
that seemed to be working for you and for everybody else.
-Listen to me good. -Mmm.
Let's say I'm… half an apple,
red and round, okay?
I'm not gonna go looking for an apple that's green and narrow, right?
But if I find a red and round one which might even be a bit bruised like me,
even if it's not the same shade of red,
I'll make it work. And maybe, over the next few years,
I might get a bit lighter. I don't know how, but I'll try.
And maybe the other half will try to get darker. It's not easy.
You may never reach perfection, but there's nothing wrong with that.
All right. I get it.
For you, it's not a matter of finding your soulmate, but a soulmate.
Exactly. Another half that completes us.
But don't you think that's a bit cynical?
That would mean that you may be with someone now,
but you could very easily be with anyone else.
What? No, no!
Because when you're in a relationship, you might very well change.
So all the other possibilities out there would no longer exist.
Just like if I, uh, went to Boston when I was a kid,
when I got back, I'd be a different person.
Or at least different than I am now, right?
That's the reason we didn't want to tell you who married Matteo.
See what I'm saying?
Because we always spend our whole lives wondering,
"Man, who knows what would have happened if…"
Fine. Don't tell us. We'll find out anyway.
Yeah.
Eh, but, uh…
-It's not that simple. -How come?
-'Cause they're here. -They're here?
-No! -You mean "them" them?
I liked the idea that I don't know who's a couple.
Oh well.
-Hi, Federica. -Dario. Nice to meet you.
-Hi. -Nice to meet you.
-First time for everything. -Giulia.
Matteo. Nice to meet you.
-Hi, Chiara. -Hi, Dario.
TO MOM