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1 YEAR LATER
Papa Ali has returned!
- Long live Papa Ali! - Long live Papa Ali!
Long live Papa Ali!
- Long live Papa Ali! - Long live!
Long live Papa Ali!
- Long live Papa Ali! - Long live Papa Ali!
Long live Papa Ali!
- Long live Papa Ali! - Long live Papa Ali!
Long live Papa Ali!
DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS
Thank God.
God bless you.
Come here, Samet.
Welcome back, boss.
Welcome back.
Welcome back, Papa Ali.
- Samet. - Yes, sir?
Hand this to the guy over there. Tell him to give it to the prisoners.
As you wish, sir.
God bless you, brother.
Take this. Give it to the prisoners, okay?
Tell them it's from Ali Kapan. Go on.
- Samet. - Yes, sir?
- Did you find him? - We did, sir.
I want him alive.
- Don't you worry. - Bring him to me.
As you wish.
Hi! Hello there--
Oh, come on!
Altan. Welcome, bro.
What the hell are you doing? What's with that reaction?
What the hell is that?
What is that? Why are you getting all shy?
As if you grew up in a monastery. What's up with that?
I'm ashamed for you. I hope you didn't develop other kinks.
Look at this!
Bro, customer satisfaction comes before everything else for us.
First, we try it ourselves.
And if we don't find it to be efficient, we don't sell it to customers.
Is that so, Gürkan?
Then you should try all these vibrators too.
Since you want to satisfy your customers, you should test them first.
Altan, we give those as gifts to our esteemed customers.
We go home and...
Are you hitting on me or what?
You never respected what I do for a living, you asshole.
Selling people happiness requires a lot of innovation, Altan.
Look at this UFD I have here.
It took Tibetan engineers two years to develop this device.
It feels like real skin.
- UFD? - UFD. Unmanned Fuck Device.
- Want one? - No, thanks.
I feel as if I've already been fucked by it.
I have no one to give me a hand.
I don't know about hand,
but with this outfit, someone will give you something.
You need a rock hard "back"ground, my little Elon Musk.
Elon Musk? Who the hell is Elon Musk?
He only produces car after car.
We turn people into rockets and launch them into space.
I'm giving you one. I'm sure you're too shy to ask.
- I know you too well. - Is that so?
If you want, we sell online too.
One click and it'll be yours. FuckBasket.com.
Is that so? Thanks. And why would I get shy with you?
Take it. I know you don't dare ask.
- Put it in a bag. - Go on.
- Where? - The back room.
No need to unbox.
- Push the button. It should be charged. - I don't want to!
ROLLING SNAKE EYES 5 IS THAT OURS?
Five, ten...
Here you go, 15 grand.
Thank God.
Can't you keep working just for fun? The customers adore you.
There are only two things in life that I consider "fun" now.
First is pilgrimage.
And the second is to kill my asshole son, Altan,
and his asswipe friend Gürkan.
I'm off.
The man has a point.
He must have a horrible son to make him work at a club in his 60s.
Thank you, God.
Good luck, brother.
Pay off your debt and leave this life.
DRAG QUEEN SELAMİ EVERY SATURDAY
Is this how you use it?
- Yeah! - Oh, come on...
Yeah!
- Altan... - What?
Give me a hand. I can't take it off. It got stuck.
What did you expect wearing this crazy thing?
- Hold it. - Move.
- Move. Let me. - Okay.
- Pull it. - I'm pulling it.
- Wait. - Got it?
- Dude... - Wait.
- Your finger is too close. - Letting go.
Come on, Altan. So inappropriate.
- Hold it. - Okay, let go.
Hey!
What is this, you perverts? Are you filming a TikTok?
- Are they fairies or what? - No, they're called chicks with dicks.
They're all over Tarlabaşı.
But I have to say, you're being very sexist right now.
Just wanted to remind you.
- What the hell is he saying? - He said "sex".
He wants to fuck us.
I'll destroy you!
The CSI will have to peel you off the floor.
Man!
I'm begging you, don't...
I didn't even say a word. Why are you beating me up?
Man, please stop.
We don't want to have sex.
We only provide our services to people who do.
He's still talking about sex. I'll kill you!
I'm not!
This is an honest establishment. We're taxpayers.
You can't beat us up like this!
God damn you, man!
God damn you and the system that made you a taxpayer.
THE LEGENDARY OWNER OF MOUNT AĞRI
No, no, no...
They shot our master. They killed him.
No, no...
Our poor master. They didn't care that he was a master.
They opened him up and took his kidney.
They even had their way with him.
What are you... You can't say that in a cemetery.
You bastard!
It's all because of his jerk of a nephew, Gürkan.
Fuck this family. Now his enemy became my enemy.
One of my poor brother's kidneys
was sold by his father.
And he lost the other one because of Gürkan.
That ruthless, merciless Ali Kapan took that one.
And now my brother is dead.
Oh, no! God damn you, Gürkan!
God damn you, Gürkan!
Oh, you...
You wait, Gürkan.
Wait for me.
I'll make Gürkan and Ali Kapan pay for this, I swear.
My brother's life is at least worth a million dollars.
- Wow! - Oh, master...
The amount made me dizzy.
Either they pay us or we shoot them.
Let's go.
Master, just say the word. 100 armed man will be ready tomorrow.
Just 100? I want 500 men!
We need at least 500 men, right?
We'll show them.
They'll see the dark side of Ceberruh of Mount Ağrı.
CEBERRUH THE NEW OWNER OF MOUNT AĞRI
Ah, Gürkan...
I'm going to fuck you up, Gürkan.
Gürkan, remember I told you they were gonna fuck us up?
I was wrong. I'm so sorry, Gürkan. God...
It's freezing cold!
Mr. Ali, sir... I don't even know what's going on.
You burn us, you freeze us. What is going on?
The cost of construction is so high these days.
Is it worth wasting all this for two scumbags like us?
- Shut it, you ass-eating philosopher. - I didn't say anything.
But you don't have to swear, you know.
But wait! I said, wait.
I have a black belt in karate.
I'll rip your heart out, man.
Your heart...
Gürkan, these are construction workers.
They'll shove that black belt up your ass and then hang us with it.
Shut up and listen to the boss.
- Okay. - I'm quiet.
Let me talk to you about some illegal business.
This world is a place where brothers kill each other.
And since the day we came to being, bad people reaped the rewards.
And good people found consolation in a paradise they've never laid eyes on.
Sir, it was Altan who dragged me into all this.
- He even defiled my sister. - Liar!
I swear to God, I went to their place as a virgin.
- His sister came in... - Hey, asshole!
- Shut it! - I entrusted you to her.
- Entrusted? - You went to watch TV.
- Maybe... - Why did you...
- Shut up! - You shut up!
Sir... Mr. Ali Kapan, I'd like to tell you something.
In this day and age of climate crisis and global warming,
our forests are burning, our rivers and dams are dry.
We only have the sea left.
No need to throw me into the sea and pollute it even more.
Throw him.
He's like a cleaner fish. He can suck up all that sea snot.
He'll do whatever is needed. So you can throw him instead.
He's such a dickhead.
- Don't call me a dickhead. - He's the mother of dickheads.
- You bloodsucker. Suck the sea snot. - What the hell are you talking about?
Altan, what are you even saying?
You keep yapping and annoying this good sir here.
Shut it!
Listen to me.
The people who run the government and believe heaven is not a consolation
made up a notion called justice, pretending to be doing justice.
But no one is happy about it.
Did you ever hear a single person say
there's justice in this world?
I haven't, sir.
Besides, fuck justice. What the hell is justice?
Don't interrupt the boss!
Dude, what's up with you?
He asked a question and we answered, that's all.
You're like the angel of death, testing our faith.
I'm sorry, man, but we're not in a great mood right now.
I'm stuck in concrete. There's my butt print on it.
Fuck the concrete!
Shut the fuck up, you dickhead! You keep talking and talking.
That's why we dispense our own justice.
And I think I'm being just by bringing you here.
This here is the body of Bilal Özkök, the man who brought you into my life.
- Aw, sorry for your loss. - God rest his soul.
Shut up, you assholes! Shut the fuck up!
You'll take this body.
You're going to bury it
in the garden of my arch nemesis Armless Şükrü's house.
As you wish. Easy-peasy. We can bury him right away.
- What? "Easy-peasy" and "right away"? - Dude!
He's about to throw us into the sea with barrels filled with concrete.
We're going to drown and die.
- Son of a bitch! - When...
All you do is oppose!
- Fuck off... - You...
Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I wanted to say something.
Believe me, we're horrible at making bodies disappear.
It's not our area of expertise.
Let's start small.
We can do your shopping.
If your wife needs something, we can go to the mall for her.
If you have kids, God bless them,
we can drive them to their Qur'an course.
We can do your gardening...
Enough, this conversation is over.
Let Samet know after you bury the body. Then I'll set you free.
Otherwise, I'll bury you with the fish in those barrels.
Got it?
- I said, got it? - Got it.
Of course we got it.
Got it.
Fucking dickheads.
Listen to me.
I'll shortly send Armless Şükrü's location to that phone we gave you.
I expect to hear some good news in the next 24 hours.
Sure thing, sir.
Just lay down on your chair, turn on the massage setting.
Leave this to us.
- You son of a whore. - I'm honored, sir. Thank you.
Gürkan, I have a question.
Why did you say you're honored? He called your mom a whore.
- Not my mom. - What do you mean?
It's your mother who's still alive. Mine died. It can't be my mother.
- Nope... - She could still be a whore.
- He meant yours. - He doesn't know your mom is dead.
- He said... - It was your mom.
- She might be dead, but... - He said...
- Sick burn. - You're getting a stepfather.
- Whose mom is alive? - He called you a...
- Mine is. - Prayers for my mom.
- Dick for yours. - Prayer...
- He said that. - Stop spitting as you talk.
- Your mother is a whore, Altan. - Watch your mouth!
You know, your mom is...
Fuck this shit!
- He'll go to her grave. - Selling me Ali Kapan?
Yours is a whore.
- Ali is your stepdad. - Sure.
The dead can be whores too. She was a whore when she was alive.
- You're the real son of a whore... - Stepdad...
- Stepdad. - Shut it!
Gürkan, I have a question.
I don't wanna repeat myself, but what are we gonna do with this body?
- I didn't get any of it, Altan. - You wouldn't. It's an old story.
Do we really have to do anything? Let the fish deal with him.
Oh, God! What kind of torture is this, God?
Are all the Gürkans of this world this stupid?
What's up with all those weird moves you're pulling?
- You have a better idea? - Maybe I do.
Here's an idea.
We go to a secluded place, we chop him up.
We mince the meat, ground it.
We go to stadiums and sell them as meatballs.
No, Altan. That's taking it too far.
Fine, we're not the best people,
but I'm not an asshole like you.
- I'm a God-fearing man. This is a sin. - You're a God-fearing man? You?
Sure, you're such a devotee. You're so religious.
If this world is still standing,
it's thanks to saintly people like yourself.
Thanks, bro. Very kind of you.
Shut it! Grab it and let's go.
- "Very kind of you." - Get ready.
- I am. Come on, grab it. - One, two...
- He's so heavy. - Seriously!
Lose some weight before you die!
FIREPROOF BURIAL CLOTHING
Nice.
This one is tainted now.
A new one would be good.
As soon as my battle is over,
I'll get my fourth star and I'll retire.
A life without Altan.
Organic farming.
Go on! Hurry!
Go! No, I don't want it.
Keep going. I don't want it.
Eleven...
But... there are only 11.
Only 11 men.
I keep counting...
No matter how I count it, there are 11 men.
You said 100 men would come to my help.
You told me that you'd die for me, you'd kill for me, didn't you?
But it seems you haven't paid the farm workers in two years.
There was a pandemic.
Mount Ağrı was closed. I suffered too. We didn't earn anything.
What am I to do?
- Master? - Yes?
Ağrı has changed a lot.
Oh, really? What is different?
Cause Ağrı used to be just like Paris, right?
God damn you. You are all thankless wretches.
I pay for your health insurance. I provide you with catering.
But after one slap or one bullet, you start shitting on your master.
Didn't you tell the others that I'll destroy them?
That I'll choke them to death?
- We told them everything. - And?
- We did. - What did they say?
"Fuck that penniless master."
What did the hell did they say?
Calm down, not gonna hit you. Tell me.
- They are saying "haho". - Yes.
- Not anything else. Just "haho"? - Haho.
- Just "haho"? - Haho.
- Haho.
It doesn't sound that bad, right?
- Sounds good. - It does.
"Haho" is okay.
They can say that.
Oh, God.
In that case, it doesn't matter whether we're 11 or 111 men.
Let's go to war.
- Allahu akbar! - Come on.
- Let's go. - Go on.
- Come on. Hop in. - Let's go.
- Help us God. - Let's go.
We'll shed blood for God!
Careful!
That's too dangerous to joke around with.
No wrapper?
You're going to die, you traitor. You're going to die.
What is this place?
It's freaking hot. There's not a single soul.
Even the asphalt is hot.
- It warms you up from underneath. - Gürkan, is that water?
- Man, don't lose your mind on me. - It's the heat.
- What are you doing? - Look, a car!
Wait, stop!
Please stop!
- Stop. - Stop.
- Go faster, will you? - God damn you!
- Sure, treat us like garbage in this heat. - Hope you run out of fuel.
- Oh, wait! Stop! - Stop!
- It's red anyway. So weird. - God damn you.
- Looks like a tranny's car. Fuck that. - Unbelievable!
- I don't trust them. - Tra-car.
- Yes! Stop! - I beg you!
- Stop! We're dying. - Stop!
- We're dying. - Stop!
- It's so hot. - I'm gonna go insane.
Turks are so helpful indeed.
I'm getting dizzy.
- Altan? - Yeah?
Can't you show your leg or something?
You're pretty glam. Maybe they'll stop.
Go ask your mother. I'm sure that'll make them take us.
- Oh, come on. She's dead! - You swear at my father, though.
But your father is now a belly dancer, a dancer boy.
- People pop champagne bottles for him. - Watch your mouth!
My father is a hajji. He did his pilgrimage.
They named a street after him in Saudi Arabia.
- They took your father to the palace. - Hey!
- He was belly dancing there. - Shut it!
- Lap dancing for Arabian princes. - Hey!
Rags are hanging from your mother's grave.
Women pray there for a husband.
Don't mimic my father!
- Don't you dare! - I told you.
- I'll do whatever. - Leave me alone!
I'll do whatever I want.
My father is not a "dancer boy". He's a hajji!
Look, taxi!
Taxi!
Thank you.
Where to, guys?
Man, save us from this hell. We don't care where we go.
That won't do. I need a location.
Uhm, dude...
We're Arabic.
Take us anywhere you'd like, habibi.
- Shukran. - Are you fucking with me?
There are three things that I live for.
My pride, my honor, and Trabzonspor.
Dude.
Just you wait. Give me a second.
- Dude. - Yes?
Just take us to the outskirts Sarıyer. That's the location we have.
I can get you to Sarıyer, but no idea where its "skirt" is.
Forget about the skirt. Pop the bra. I mean, the trunk.
Please, we're begging you. We have cargo here, habibi.
Fine, popping the trunk.
- Okay. Shukran. - Shukran.
Hurry up!
That dude is nuts.
Why do they think Sarıyer wears skirts?
There are really weird fellas.
- Their luggage is weird too. - Come on, Gürkan.
Oh, no! What the hell is that?
One, two, three.
Where did that bat come from? I think he got agitated, Gürkan.
Man, the trunk! I'm dying here.
Are you fucking with me?
Whose body is that?
My grandma. We're gonna bury her. Open the trunk.
Stop fucking with me, okay?
You're pissing me off. I'll end up in jail because of you.
It's a dead body!
Altan, at the end of five movies,
isn't it great that they granted us with an opportunity
to beat the shit out of someone?
It's so great, I can feel it in my bones, Gürkan.
- Namaste. - Namaste, bro.
Holy Spirit, chakra, and the great alliance.
- Hail the sun, third warrior. - Third warrior.
- You're fucking dead! - Fuck you!
So you brought a bat?
- High five! - My hands!
We're beating him up so good!
I have a weapon. Move away.
Hit him!
- Hit his spine, come on. - Let's do it together.
One...
Such an idiot... Messing with someone with a black belt.
Black belt?
Anyway, Gürkan.
This is the first time I got to beat someone this good.
Since you started hanging out with me, you keep experiencing different firsts.
I have a question, Altan.
Who the hell is Armless Şükrü?
I keep googling him, but I get nothing.
I have no idea, bro.
But if he was a decent man, they wouldn't have cut off his arm.
We don't need to be scared.
- You think so? - Of course, bro.
- We still have our arms. - Yeah.
Altan, after we bury this body,
we're going to be the most dangerous men of the illegal world.
Those mafia guys are gonna button up their jackets when they see us.
Bilal was terrorizing everyone and now he's dead in the trunk.
- Got it, bro? - Yep, I'm super motivated right now!
Seriously, are we sort of succeeding?
ARMLESS ŞÜKRÜ
Boss, we got the accountant and his people.
I have a good memory.
I thought I'd told you.
You do not steal...
from the government or from me.
Didn't I tell you?
Sir, please forgive us.
I'm begging you. We didn't know any better.
Please show us mercy. Forgive us.
Please, I'm begging you.
Show mercy on us.
- Never again. - Didn't know any better?
Please don't.
That's why I'm punishing you anyway.
To prevent another mistake...
- I'm gonna cut your arms. - Please don't!
- No, please! - I'm begging you!
Please, don't.
- It won't happen again, please. - I promise you.
Please don't do it. I swear, it won't happen again.
I'm never going to do you wrong. Please show mercy.
Please!
Did I just find you?
I did find you.
Man...
Those assholes fucked me up good.
They beat the shit out of me.
Two of them. I got my ass kicked.
I'd love to get beaten every now and then. It's good for my rheumatism.
But those assholes stole my car too.
That's nothing.
What do you expect from a man who sold his father to a club?
You got off easy.
Do you have a vendetta against them? If so, I'll join you.
No, there's no vendetta.
It's a biological matter.
I need to rid the world of my offspring.
- I don't get it, but you're right. - Come on.
- Man? - Yeah?
Not gonna untie me?
Here you go.
I'm stuck here, aren't I?
I hope someone else passes by. I'm gonna ask them to untie me first.
Damn, look at those!
Altan, pull over. Come on, pull over.
Pull over like a ferry.
Forget about all the ferries, Gürkan.
I wanna lay a bridge on to them.
Girls, want some nuts before we run out?
Altan, they look as if they're from a Greek temple.
Those legs stretch like marble.
Tell me, God.
How did two ordinary people create such a goddess?
Girls, put me on a leash and take me out for a wee.
Hey!
Altan, they are as majestic as horses.
Girls, want a ride to the racetrack?
Neigh, Altan. Neigh. Look at how majestic they are.
Last 400 meters.
Thunderbird wins the race by a neck, dear viewers.
Gürkan, if only I could rub against them.
I'd produce enough electricity for the entire city.
Girls, you heard my friend.
- He says he's like a transformer. - Transformer doesn't cut it, Gürkan.
I feel like a nuclear power plant.
Girls, I'm like a volcano.
Ready to erupt!
What? What's up with the "psst"?
We have shish, we have kebab. What would you like?
Our Adana kebab is amazing. Want onions?
But if you don't eat meat,
we also have lesbian stuff like salad.
Veg... Vegi... Vege... Falafel.
- Falafel. - Salmon with quinoa.
- Didn't work, did it? - Nope, it didn't.
- God damn you, dude. - Stop cursing in vein.
What's going on?
- You're gonna tear my face apart! - Stop! Don't!
Leave my bro alone, crazy bitches!
Wait for your turn.
They're gonna tear my face apart!
She's gonna tear it apart! Lady!
Hey, are you dead?
Psst, are you?
Dammit. He's still alive.
Altan, they beat me up good.
I can't prove it, but I'm pretty sure that boxer chick is Rocky.
Rocky is a movie star, dude. Where did that come from?
She was more like Muhammed Ali.
Floating like a butterfly, stinging like a bee.
That volleyball player's hands were like oars.
It hurt so much.
- The devils of the volleyball net. - Altan, they beat me up good.
I'm pretty sure that as they hit me, my entire family heard my funeral prayer.
I think I hear it too.
- Get up. What funeral? Come on. - Good God.
- Get up! - I'm in pain.
Come on.
Why are you poking me as if I'm dead?
I don't know. You looked like frozen food.
Come on.
- Give me the shoes. - That punk ass bitch.
What can you do?
You kept catcalling them.
I was showing them affection!
- Sure. - Women are like flowers.
- You gotta love them. Smell them. - Yeah, sure.
But these bitches were like wild orchids.
İsmail, look.
We had a very fun conversation the other day, didn't we?
Sir, I'm begging you. Show mercy.
If I show you mercy after all this shit, I'll have no respect left for myself.
- I'm gonna pay you back. - We can only get even in afterlife.
Send him off, boys.
Play some happy music, come on.
What are you doing? Look ahead, you animal!
Eyes on the road!
You're gonna kill us. How dare you sleep next to your master?
Come into my bed too, why don't you?
If your master is sleeping, you stay awake.
Your master's sleep comes before all else.
You idiot... And you call me insane!
Don't make me chop that hand off! Use the other one!
Sir, please forgive me. I'm begging you to let me go.
God equipped man with a variety of skills and granted him his blessings, right?
What's the most important skill God gave us?
Memory.
But for the grace of God, I have a strong memory.
Yogurt, eggs, and spinach, fellas.
Vitamin B helps, you know.
Now, my friend...
Didn't I tell you that you'd pay for it if you bid for that contract?
- Didn't I? - We'll pay whatever you want.
Please show me mercy. Let me go.
You know what accepting money from you would be like?
It'd be like shaving your beard. It'd eventually grow back.
- But if I were to chop off your arm... - No...
Then you'd know never to do anyone wrong.
No...
Don't.
No, don't!
Don't!
No, please let me go! Don't!
- Clean this up. Take him away. - Sure thing.
You don't know how to approach ladies, Altan.
Engaging with the ladies is my expertise after all.
I don't know how to? Dude, you can't even talk to girls.
You talk nonsense. You catcall them. You drive those birds insane.
Women like daring men, dude.
How comes every time someone beats you up you get all energetic and overconfident?
Yeah, but you only have a hard-on for me.
Never seen you with a ladybird, let alone a lady.
Duh, we're in the middle of nowhere.
Take me to a place with ladybirds and I'll show you.
I'll turn into a viper.
Yeah, the wolf is howling.
Then take us to a night club. I'll take you out on the town.
Fine, let's go out, but that's all.
I just want a peaceful like surrounded by women.
- You gonna take me? - Yeah, I will.
Then let's go somewhere, what do you say?
Hey!
Man...
Oy vey, we're still not there.
- Master. - Fuck your master!
What do you guys want from me?
- Master? - Yeah?
We've been on the road for 14 hours without food and water.
Fuck off! Good grief.
You think I'm a soup kitchen?
But only God can take without giving.
For God's sake. Bringing God into this...
Good grief.
Why are you trying take advantage of my compassion and conscience--
Hey! What are you... Keep your eyes on the road.
Good God!
Dear God, remember my good deeds.
- Here you go. - What can we get with 20 liras?
We'll make a stop and you'll get some simit for them.
- Master, they-- - Shut it, you mongrel!
Are you trying to shake me down? Your master! You...
This is a war of independence.
This is our war to rid the world of Gürkan and his asshole partner Altan.
You'll starve to death if need be!
Good God.
Here. I felt bad again.
Fine, get some water too, then.
- Thanks, master. - Bring me the change.
If there's any.
You've become too insolent.
Hey, don't drive with your right hand. Use your other right.
We don't deserve to be treated this way.
We're very peaceful, kind and gentle men.
Officer, let me explain. We're not refugees.
We're not Syrian or Afghan. We're form Ağrı.
All of us. He's from Ağrı, he's from Ağrı... We're all from Ağrı here.
But of course since we're on the "tanned" side,
and since the summer is unbearably hot and winter is horrible there too,
we look a bit alike.
Identification, please.
Why? Do you have an identity problem?
- IDs, I said! - Yes, you did. And I heard you.
Excuse these animals.
This gentleman doesn't like humor. Let's give him IDs instead.
Here, officer.
It says you're 82 years old.
So, is it an offense to look my best? Maybe I love life too much.
- What? - That's not what he meant.
Fuck your best...
Why do you have your grandfather's ID?
Why do you incriminate him? Also, this has expired. Get it renewed.
Help the law enforcement, guys!
Chief, we stopped a van full of refugees with fake IDs.
We're not refugees! Chief!
We're not refugees. We're citizens of this country.
I don't speak Arabic, okay? None of us speak Arabic.
Can you speak Arabic? Speak Arabic? Arabic?
Arabic? No. We speak Turkish.
We're all Turkish. You know Mount Ağrı?
It belongs to me.
See? It says "Mount Ağrı".
You know Mount Ağrı in Ağrı? It belongs to me.
I'm the CEO.
I take care of 23 villages and 2,300 people.
I feed 1,600 sheep and goats, 4,500 cattle.
I'm a businessperson. Do you understand?
I'm not sexist. I didn't say "businessman".
- That's how classy I am. - Enough with this! You Mezdeke.
Mezdeke? What?
- Take them. - Take who?
They're making a run for it!
- No, murder is too much! - Catch them!
- Damn you, you... - Come here.
Come on, get in! Fuck your family for having you.
It's easier to come here from Afghanistan. Our borders are all messed up.
Come on, step on it!
What are you looking for?
Do you have an old American car?
You can only go to hell with one of those, not heaven, old man.
I brought such a son into this world that heaven is a dream for me.
Come with me, then.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
This is great.
We're grateful for the water and the food Master Ceberruh gives us.
Yeah, we pay heed to everything Master Ceberruh says.
- I'd die and kill for him. - So true.
You're sucking up to me, huh?
Fine, here you go.
- Here, there's some meat on it. - Thank you, master.
- Here you go. Some wings. - Master.
Use the utensils, you animal.
Thank you, master.
- Enjoy it. - You're the best.
In the house, Beylikdüzü DJ King!
"Acun, I'm from Germany. My talent is beatboxing."
Enough with the beatboxing.
We're going to a club with no money. How is that gonna work?
Altan, are we idiots? This car is a moneymaker.
Let's find a passenger or two, make some money, and go to the club.
Yeah, I hadn't thought of that. This is a cab after all.
Altan, there's a man on the right. Let's not leave the bastard.
Pull over.
- Don't let him go. - Pulling over right away.
Hello.
- Hello. - Yeah.
- Can you drive two passengers at once? - I'm only here as navigation.
"In 200 yards turn left. Turn right at the roundabout."
Interesting.
Where to?
Drive to Belgrad Forest. I'll tell you when we get there.
What are you going to do there? Jog? Watch women squatting?
No, man, look at this man.
He's gonna go to Belgrad Forest, fuel up the grill.
- Put a boneless steak on it to sizzle. - Sizzle.
Grill party, sizzling meat Swap your spouse, that's it
Swinger party, mwah mwah
Toss the baby shoe on the wall, ah ah
Baby shoe, so sweet Toss on the wall, that's it
That's why I'm a rebellious shit
Toss the baby The baby, so yummy
Swinger party Take my wife and--
Shoe
What sizzling? What are you talking about?
Step on it. Come on.
- You're right. - Yes.
I'm a rapper, but I don't know what got into him.
The idea of sizzling meat...
Ali Kapan had to work with us.
I'm telling you, man.
He had to work with us.
Why, you ask?
That vulture knows he can't win against enemies like Armless Şükrü without us.
Gürkan, can you keep it down? We have a passenger.
Can you?
Now that the mafia needs us,
now that they're begging us to save them,
you immediately got on your high horse.
Okay, bro. I get it.
We arrived at the forest. Where would you like me to go?
Shut the hell up.
You wouldn't stop blabbing like a monkey with diarrhea.
- Pull over. Come on. - Pull over.
- Sure, I'll pull over. - You riffraffs.
"Riffraffs"...
Shut up or I'll show you. Get off, both of you.
- Man, please... - Get off!
I'm so sick and tired of this. Enough already. Good grief.
Take off your clothes.
Clothes!
How can a grown man not even have 50 liras in his pocket?
- We'd just started our work day. - Shut it!
Maybe your clothes and the car will be worth something.
Look, if you have any ulterior motives, please tell me now,
so I can prepare myself mentally.
Prepare for what exactly?
Altan, in this life, you gotta be ready for everything.
For instance, I got out to get some bread,
I haven't had a single slice in a year.
Shut it, I said!
Why would I have any ulterior motives with you?
I'd rather fuck a donkey.
Look at this guy's face.
I wonder if your father experienced and ounce of pleasure making you.
Let's not bring my father into this. That's where I draw the line.
Fuck my father. He was a drunk anyway.
He abandoned us.
Curse her mother instead. She's dead.
His mother is alive.
Okay, fine.
But...
So what if we speak ill of the dead? Damn your mother.
Your mother...
- Putting it there. - Let me get it off.
Is this enough?
Gürkan, didn't you say the mafia "needed" us, bro?
Altan, learn to see the silver lining here.
- Our asses could have been violated. - Man!
What? Why are you acting like this?
Don't you worry. I'm sure our asses are next on the line.
- Let's not send negative vibes, Altan. - God damn you, Gürkan.
Don't use God's name in vain. We'll get in trouble.
Dude, we lost the body.
What is it to us, Altan? Let Ali Kapan worry about that.
- You think? - Of course, man.
- My man! - Fucking stop.
Samet, any news from those mongrels?
Nothing yet, boss.
We cannot leave this to chance.
If that body is not put in the ground, we'll have to put three bodies in there.
Come on. Let's go.
Here we go.
What is it this time, Thief Nuri?
Don't even ask. I found these two idiots.
They thought themselves to be mafia.
I got in pretending to be a passenger. Then got them cornered.
It seems dressing up like Polat Alemdar is enough to become a mafia.
They had it coming, then.
You know what they said?
They claimed they killed Bilal Özkök.
To top that off, they said they're Cevat Bakır's partners in crime.
Of course I didn't buy a word of it.
I've never seen such wannabes.
What?
- Did you say "Cevat Bakır"? - I did.
Where did you leave those two idiots?
Calm down, old man.
Bro, look at this poor fella here.
- Doesn't even have a shirt. - Let him be.
You know what, Gürkan? We look like proper trendsetters.
The most sought-after men of Es-Engeles nights.
Wanna buy tissues?
Aw, poor fella. We thought of you too.
You gotta do charity work. It makes you feel good.
I'm always doing charity work, Altan.
I always fast during the holy months.
You're such a good liar, you know.
Why? I even pray on holy days.
Good to know that you're clean one day a year.
Two. There are two holy prayers a year.
- Yeah, you're a man of good deeds. - Yeah--
Sir, I left those men here somewhere, but I don't know where they went.
Where are they?
They told me they'd like to come back on foot.
- So I thought-- - Okay, enough.
I need to find a lead.
Sir, if you don't terribly mind, may I ask you a question?
Sure.
Are these men your enemy?
No, one of them is my own son.
I'll fuck you guys up.
- Altan. - Oh, no.
We have enough trouble already. And now this?
We deserve to have some fun. We can't work all the time.
- You think so? - We need to take a load off.
Fine, but we have no money. What about that?
Worst case, they'll beat us up a bit for not paying.
Aren't we used that already? Come on.
Yeah, you're right.
I don't mind getting a bit beaten up.
Let's go, then.
Hello.
- Please go in. - Hi, man. How is it going?
Altan!
I'm such a sneaky fellow. Let's party wild and mellow.
Gürkan, I'm getting pretty horny, man.
Something inside me is waking up.
Altan, party wildly and bang lovingly.
Of course.
- So, are you a student? - No, I'm a bar girl.
- Bar girl? - Yeah.
Do your parents, your aunts and uncles know about this?
A bar girl, huh?
Are you a student?
I think we should get engaged.
You're so nice.
Fuck my mother.
Your parents must have raised you well.
Make sure to clean up the table before my mother.
My mother doesn't--
Are you also a bar girl?
Hazelnuts?
Gürkan, do you see what I see?
Oh, fu--
Loan me 200 liras.
Altan.
- What? - Come on, she's mine.
Are you for real?
Should I take my pants off? I shouldn't, right?
Should I make an official complaint that you're fucking us over here?
- Tell him you're mine. - No, how can she be yours?
She was a stone cold fox!
But you know, I missed you on the dance floor.
You're not mad, right, babe?
Dude, seriously...
Where are you going?
Where are you going? Hey, the young one!
She was dancing like a snake.
- I got some licks in. - Oh, I did too!
What's this unpleasant surprise?
We were going like...
You've had your fun on the dance floor. Now pay this.
We'll sell a couple of dildos and pay.
It's a lot.
Take this back, man.
I blew them a kiss. Maybe they'll go easy on us.
- Or maybe they'll get a hard on. - I wish.
- Should we lie down? - Nah, they'll fuck us in there.
- You think? - Not here.
Cabbar, I'm an honest man. I can't lie to you.
- This looks fake, bro. - No, man.
My brother-in-law brings these from Belgium.
Just the other day you sold me perfume saying your friend sent it to you.
I sprayed it on me, and it drove all the girls away.
It smells like rosewater.
You know I wouldn't lie to you.
We're honest "threadsmen". I mean tradesmen.
You're so nervous you can barely talk straight.
- Where are you from? - I'm from Sivas.
- No way! Which part? - From Zara.
I'm impressed. You're a good liar.
If you have it in rose gold, I'll buy it.
Where do I know you from?
I swear I told him we shouldn't come here, eat food, drink all that alcohol.
But this asshole Altan has set his eyes on your hard-earned money.
- What? When did you say all that? - I did say it!
Where do I know you from?
Uhm, I have absolutely no idea.
I have a shop in Kadıköy. What we do is essentially the same thing.
I sell people happiness too.
Where do I know you from?
By the way, those watches are fake. Just so you know.
Okay, but where do I know you from?
I think he has dementia.
We might not get beaten up after all. Let's pray to God.
Cobra!
- Whipping is loading. - Yep.
I remember you two!
I got shot twice in the stomach because of you two last year.
Aren't you those two fairies
walking around Tarlabaşı wearing lace clothing?
Look at this!
- Oh, no! - See this?
I got three holes on my belly because of you.
I can't go to the bathroom. I pee through my belly!
Whipping is inevitable. What to do?
Wait.
Oh, it's happening again.
He's pretty deranged. Criminally insane, you know.
Sometimes he does stuff he doesn't mean to do.
See his face right now?
Oh, my!
Epilepsy. Bring something. Don't let him swallow his tongue.
Come on, show them!
Can't you take it a bit easy?
Shame on you.
No one respects disabled people anymore.
Where is this society headed?
You pansies...
Want to get fucked by some Black dudes, huh?
I would say "No, thank you." But we have a small request.
That night we were victimized too. We're truly sorry about it.
Cabbar, how about you lend these fellas your watches for an hour?
What is he saying, Gürkan?
How do you not get it, you-- They're gonna fuck us for an hour.
You know how it is. An eye for an eye.
You took my belongings, you harmed my well-being.
Now it's my turn.
We have no money. Are you gonna kill us? You've beaten us already. Let us go.
Maybe calm down a bit? Can't you see the dudes?
Don't you worry.
If you've got no money, bring me your piggy banks.
Your assholes would do too. We could easily get even.
İrfan, take these fairies. They'll work as bar girls.
- Let's go. - İrfan--
- Bar girl? - Bar girl. Who is İrfan?
Oh, my!
- Come here. - Oh, no!
Bar girl?
I'm listening.
We heard from our guy at Ali Kapan's house.
- What's his plan? - He got Bilal Özkök killed.
And?
He planned to get it buried in our yard, so he could frame us for his murder.
Our yard.
That asshole.
He wants to turn everyone against us, is that so?
Listen to me.
Pretend you know nothing. Ambush them.
Kill everyone who comes here, and bury them there!
Got it?
Good.
Get ready.
A lot of arms will fall tonight.
Hello.
They sent us from upstairs.
Oh wow, such a beauty.
Beauty? You really think I'm beautiful?
You're better than my wife.
Altan, he says he's gonna buy me a house.
Of course I will. I'll buy you a house and a car.
Wait, so you really find me attractive?
Found you attractive? I'm in love with you!
Altan, he's gonna buy me a Mercedes.
- Yes, I will. Let me get a kiss. - When are you buying the house?
I'll sell some land tomorrow and buy it by the evening.
Altan, this dude got me really confused. I'm considering going for it.
I'm asking you one last time. Do you really find me attractive?
Listen, you're the crown jewel, baby.
Oh, I can definitely feel the jewels. They're pressing hard.
No surprise you find me attractive. You're so used to fucking donkeys.
- What the hell? - Altan!
- Fuck you! - Don't scare the money.
- What's going on here? - Wait a second. Did you--
I'll show you. I'll whip your ass.
I've wasted years on you!
- Let me go! - This relationship is over.
Don't hit me. No to violence against women.
- Move! - Let me go!
Fuck this. Here you go.
- Good God. - Good grief.
Don't worry. Go back to your fun.
So what? That's what I like. All I did was to compliment her.
Fuck you!
You two are sexually disabled, and you dare to be bar girls?
Altan, I saved you from those pimps.
Look at him go. I had no idea you were so undignified.
Very kind of you, bro.
How can someone agree to get fucked in the ass for money?
And you let your sister do it too.
There's no harm in considering it if it pays well.
But let me tell you.
I love you more and more everyday. You started growing on me.
Thank you. You're very kind, bro.
But I'm curious about just one thing.
Why did your mother wait nine months to give birth to a son of a bitch like you?
Three months would have been enough for a faulty man like you.
- This is music to my ears. - Thank you.
Should I catwalk?
Sure, what you've done so far wasn't enough anyway.
Oh, wow!
Girls! Plus and minus, magnetic poles. Sexual urge, passion rolls.
Lust and desire, passion on fire.
Quick change, bed pro. Pleasure flows wherever I go.
- I'm the Lord of the Rings. Come close. - Coffee? Fortune-telling for free.
We'll buy you coffee. We can tell you your fortunes.
Blondie, you shook me to my core, girl. The tall one is mine.
"Blondie"? Fuck your core! Go chase your tail.
Step on it. He has a dick. Let's go.
- Step on it. - Don't stoop to his level.
Don't you have a sister?
- Scum of the earth. - Yeah.
- Here you go, bro. - Let's go, bro.
Gürkan, didn't I tell you our asses were next on the line?
It's because you're so negative, Altan.
Oh, no. My stockings.
Altan, that's our cab.
- Who's this ugly mug? - Never mind. Long story.
Who is this, Altan?
He's wearing burial clothes. What's up with him?
- Don't you have one normal friend? - He's my father, Gürkan.
- Father? - Gürkan?
How? He looks nothing like a father.
What's up with your family? What's wrong with you lot?
Who did you do wrong? Who cursed you?
Was this the father you didn't want sworn at?
Altan, for God's sake,
won't you ever have a decent friend?
You found a spineless guy again.
Look at him.
- Go bury yourself in those clothes. - Hey, don't you--
Okay...
Please.
Excuse me, Uncle Necmi.
Hello? Uncle?
Hello? Hi!
I'm the owner of 24 villages, the king of Mount Ağrı,
the leader of the clans, CEO, SEO, your uncle Ceberruh.
Uncle, I'm so glad you've called. We're in big trouble.
So glad to hear that.
But just so you know, I am the real trouble.
Hear my words. My clan is with me.
I came here with 100 men carrying AK-47s.
I want my one million dollars or I'll kill you.
Okay, I can send you the location to some rich people.
You get your money and we save our necks, okay?
Kisses, Uncle. Take care, bye.
Got the location.
The mansion of Armless Şükrü.
There's going to be a massacre.
I'll chop off the other arm of that Armless Şükrü
and I'll get his money, you'll see.
Don't you worry, master. We'll attack before they know it.
Death is coming to your door!
We'll drink their blood.
There will be blood.
Yallah.
Uncle Necmi, may I ask what you're doing?
I've committed a lot of sins. I'd made a vow to offer a sacrifice.
Uncle Necmi, you could very well sacrifice a goat or a sheep.
Even lamb or chicken would do. How about one of those?
Look, he's your boy. I'm not gonna tell you not to kill him.
I don't even like the asshole.
You son of a whore!
Altan, are you swearing at my mother? At my dead mother?
You're such a--
Cut him open, Uncle Necmi. Cut his windpipe open. Kill him.
God, give me strength.
A truckload of armed guys are approaching. Our guys saw them two miles ahead.
Kill everyone who steps in our yard!
Show no mercy to anyone!
- Go forth, my brave men. - Come on!
Go forth, my lovely weirdos!
Don't let anyone survive.
Allah! Allah!
- Run! - Who is that?
- Where are you going? - Save your life!
Where the hell are you going?
You need to run, master. They killed everyone. Bang bang!
"Bang bang"? What about our clan's reputation?
Fuck your clan!
Shame on you. You're letting your master down, huh?
What master?
You son of a... Damn all of you, you weirdos.
You'll see. You don't have my blessings--
Hello to you too.
I want a world without guns.
I saved you and the body, Altan.
You're right, Gürkan. I thought I was gonna die this time.
Oh, come on. Even the mafia couldn't kill us.
You think your father can?
By the way, what happened to him?
Look, he's your boy. I'm not gonna tell you not to kill him.
- I don't even like the asshole. - You son of a whore!
Altan, are you swearing at my mother? At my dead mother?
Cut him open, Uncle Necmi. Cut his windpipe open. Kill him.
- Do it. God bless your hands. - God, give me strength!
God!
You bipolar schizo.
Did you smoke expired skunk?
Who's your dealer?
Don't you ever swear at my mother again.
I hope he's dead. I hope his brain spilled out.
Come on, who would say those things about their father, Altan?
- Inappropriate. - I would.
If a father tries to sacrifice his son, the son has every right to say anything.
I'm so glad I don't have a son like you.
Thanks, you're so kind. You keep complimenting me.
I bet your real father was the milkman.
Considering who her husband was, my mom could have done it with anyone.
Bro, we got rid of your dad.
If we can get rid of this body too, we'll be free.
Exactly.
- Pfft. - Pfft.
- Enough with this. Pfft. - Pfft.
- Dammit! - Horrible!
Sir, listen. I'm a businessperson. I have a clan. I'm an important person!
They told me there was treasure here.
When I heard your name, I thought you were disabled.
Just wanted to help you out.
Who would put someone alive in a grave?
Samet, what is this wild animal doing here?
No idea, boss.
Sir, as you very-well know,
it's a sin to bury someone at night, let alone murder them.
Shut the hell up and stop moving.
We'll cover you with earth. Don't piss us off.
Could I ask one thing?
Don't you think I deserve a funeral service?
Good God, was I a good person?
I think I was.
Samet, it's done. Call the police.
Yes, sir.
Hello there.
You!
Hello. I hope you're well.
Do you have a glass of water?
We've been carrying a dead body all day. We're dead tired.
- We're exhausted. - Exhausted.
How did we end up here? How did this happen?
- Sir. - Good God.
We asked for a glass of water. You've been beating us up with a hose.
Kind sir, since the body is here, I'll take my leave.
I don't even know why I'm here.
This asshole Gürkan sent me your location.
He told me that you are missing an arm, that you're disabled and weak.
He told me to steal your money.
I didn't think it was appropriate to rob a disabled person.
But he's a real asshole.
If I were you, I'd fuck them first and then kill them.
Or vice versa.
I leave that part up to you and your fantasies.
Uncle, what are you talking about...
"Uncle"? What uncle are you talking about? I don't know this man.
I've seen his ugly mug for the first time today.
He uses the word "uncle" as in... I mean, he doesn't...
We call everyone "uncle" or "aunt". You are an uncle too.
Uncle Şükrü. It suits you well. Seriously, I took a liking to you.
- Can I call you "uncle"? - Shut it!
I spent my entire life
taming and teaching big-headed oafs like you.
You two.
Your kind stole from me. And what did I do?
I stole what life they've left.
Yep, these two.
Bring my saw.
What do you mean "saw"?
Please don't get me wrong, but I'm very scared of saws.
I wouldn't mind an axe, but I couldn't even watch the movie Saw.
- Does that work with electricity? - I think it's a chainsaw.
I'm notorious for chopping off limbs from people
who steal from others.
Mr. Armful Şükrü, I've never stolen any money.
I'm pretty sure they have, but I've never done anything bad.
Seven pilgrimages, 14 umrah!
I pray at least six, seven times a day.
But you can punish these two.
So now I'm going to
chop off your limbs that committed sins.
Okay.
He says "limbs that committed sins".
I hope he doesn't chop off our junks.
Fuck yours. I hope he doesn't chop off mine!
Excuse me. Şükrü, sir.
It's me talking. Hello.
Dear Mr. Şükrü, none of my limbs ever got involved in any sins.
But I don't know about my uncle.
He's so immoral that he commits every kind of sin...
Asshole!
- He chases Russian women. - Russian?
- He can't recite a single prayer. - Yes, I can!
He's a disgusting man. He doesn't even bathe.
Do you know what he wears underneath?
A thong. That's how disgusting he is.
And what about Altan?
Altan is disgusting too. Cut his dick off. He defiled my sister.
No! How did I defile--
His sister defiled me when I stayed over one night.
She sucked on my finger like this.
- Oh, come on. - What?
Shut up, you nasty asshole.
Sir, we have an understanding, right?
Take care. Let's keep in touch.
How do I go to Esenler? With Marmaray?
Save me God.
- What? - My neck.
- What? - Save me God.
What time is it?
Bring that trickster here, so I can saw off his arm.
- You can't touch a man praying. - Get up.
You'll have to answer to God. You'll suffer for this.
Damn you, Gürkan.
You first took my brother's kidney, now you're taking my life.
Gürkan, fuck the genes I share with you. Fuck all your ancestors.
I can't watch.
Let them chop it. He deserved it.
Fuck the genes and the lineage and the relatives we share.
Oh, God!
In the name of the law, put all your weapons down!
Thank God. I'm saved. Thank you, God!
Help me, police. Police, help!
Get up.
I'm filing charges against every living creature here.
That traitor named Gürkan, that mongrel named Altan,
and that one-armed Şükrü.
They wanted to bury me alive!
These are all ISIS operatives.
- We got away again, Altan. - Yep, God didn't want us dead, Gürkan.
We're his prodigal sons. He neither kills us nor makes us happy.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Let's get some clothes from here.
People are gonna laugh at us if we walk around like this.
Oh, wait. Hadn't we bought you a t-shirt?
You asswipes. Why won't you leave me alone?
Let me beg in peace. Let me be!
You've ruined this country. Go back home!
- Should I beat him up? - Don't. They're dangerous.
- Slap him hard. - He might have a knife.
- Let me. - No.
Don't make that face or I'll show you!
No, let him go.
- Don't mind him. - Good grief.
Just walk.