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Thank you.
Fuck this shit!
Come on!
Watch out!
Look out!
Love…
Go!
…is the best thing in life.
Loving someone is always a nice thing.
It's more than nice.
It's necessary.
Teresa de Rosendo…
do you take José Luis Panizo as your wedded husband?
Don't do it.
Teresa, you can't get married.
I love you.
You love me.
Let's go.
Go.
NETFLIX PRESENTS
The groom's face says it all.
It's for the best.
I never liked her.
I'm sorry, but I have to charge you anyway.
Wait.
She snubbed us many times, son. Many times.
Ever since you met her.
Every time we invited you two over for lunch, she had plans.
For my birthday, for your father's… our last anniversary. Remember?
She didn't come.
But you spent every Christmas with her parents.
Please tell me it isn't true
That you're not cheating on me And that you're still with me
And when I went to Puerto Rico…
This is delicious.
Son, the catering is great.
Hey! We're done with this song.
Okay.
-Thank you. -Guys, let's play "El merenguito."
One, two…
One, two, three!
Lighting and sound equipment…
Five hundred euros.
Photographer. Two thousand euros?
Yeah, she's really good.
Everyone uses their phones now.
Are you suggesting we take the wedding photos with our phones?
-Well… -We wanted good ones.
I'm taking all this. Can I get it to go?
You want to take 200 sirloins with foie?
I'll freeze them. They'll be gone in a month.
Same as his liver.
Why did you pay for it all?
Here we go again. Teresa…
Teresa is studying. She can't pay for it.
And couples help each other.
-You taught me that. -Studying?
Teresa was studying. Yeah, studying…
And doing other things while she was studying.
D. J. Chucho.
One thousand euros.
What's a "D. J. Chucho"?
You don't get it, Mom.
Deejay Chucho.
Deejay, the disc jockey, the guy who plays the music!
The guy she left with.
Come again?
All right. He's not getting paid.
I told you all along.
I knew she was bad news.
-Didn't I tell you? -You never said anything.
I don't like to meddle.
Wait a minute.
She's not like that.
She was driven wild with passion? Okay.
But what happens with passion? It wears off.
And then she'll call me.
Then we'll see if I pick up the phone.
Seriously…
Can you stop that already, please?
Want us to play "Macarena"?
-No, I want you to leave! -Okay. We've been paid, so…
-Why did you pay them up front? -I had no choice!
Weddings are always paid up front!
It's because of the moon.
What are you talking about?
Because of the honeymoon.
Otherwise, people would leave without paying.
Damn it, the moon!
What's that?
The honeymoon.
Look, she left him at the altar.
For another man.
As you can imagine, he's a wreck.
-I'm fine. -No.
Look at him. He's all out of sorts.
Enough already. Please, go on.
I remember you now.
The Norwegian fjords guy.
-No… -Yes. He would know!
She wanted something exotic, Mauritius, but he was dead set on the fjords.
-Really? -What's wrong with the fjords?
They suck.
But eventually, he fell into line.
He always falls into line.
-Yeah, I did. -Of course you did.
And what did I gain? Fucking nothing.
And let me tell you… Please, let me explain.
This isn't just about the trip.
-I've been through a lot. -Oh boy.
-It was always what she wanted. -Always.
-The vacations she wanted. -Vacations.
-The wedding. -The wedding.
-The house. -Of course.
-Everything. -Except the boyfriend she wanted.
Sorry.
I mean, you need to help me out.
This is a lot of money.
Do me a solid.
I'm sorry. I can't help you.
-Okay. Thank you. Shall we? -We're not leaving.
Didn't I tell you? They won't give us a refund.
But we came anyway to be laughed at.
-Thanks, Mom. -That's not…
Oops. I forgot my phone.
Listen up.
My son's really upset.
I know you don't care, but I'm his mother.
I'm not leaving until you give me the money back
or you offer me a solution.
Why doesn't he go?
On his honeymoon alone? He'd die.
And I'd be right behind him.
-Well, that's not bad. -Excuse me?
Go with him.
On a honeymoon? With my son?
Listen up.
It's the best resort in Mauritius.
Private beach.
Premium Luxury Suite with personal assistance.
Open bar.
Lobsters as big as my arm.
And the best part is it's all included.
This trip is a dream come true. A dream.
Although… there's just one catch.
-Huh? -No way, Mom.
-We're not going on the trip together. -Well, I think it's a great solution.
Your money won't go to waste.
He put my name on the plane ticket, removed hers, and that was it.
It's not a trip to Ibiza.
Exactly. It's just what you need, son.
You need light, sun, vitamin D…
Now I do? You nag me every summer, saying the sun causes cancer.
-If you don't stay hydrated. -Right.
Apparently, the hotel has an open bar.
Oh my goodness! I'm going to see the ocean!
We've been to Salobreña.
The only fish we saw there were on a skewer.
Leave the kid alone.
I can't leave him alone. Look at him. He's got a broken heart.
You want to go for the fish, not for my heart.
Look, I'm not going anywhere.
Not with you or anyone else. I'm going back to my life.
I'll go out. I'll go on dates. My Tinder is on fire. I'm fine.
-You bet. -See what you did?
-You put him off. -Me?
-What's this? -Nothing!
I told you…
What the hell is this?
It's your wedding gift. I made it myself.
Your father's taken up painting.
Who taught you?
"YoTube."
Dad, it's horrendous. This is depressing.
-I can fix it. -You can't. How could you?
I can remove Teresa's face and replace it.
How about with a human one?
Who are you into? One of those chicks who are popular now?
Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey…
Britney Spears?
-They're all so good, I can't pick one. -So?
Should I start packing?
No, Mom. Don't pack!
I can't believe her.
Would she have gone on her honeymoon with Grandma? No.
-We didn't go on a honeymoon. -Sure you did.
No. I was too busy with work.
I promised I'd take her to Paris, but then you were born,
and we kept putting it off.
-So, you never went? -No.
How are you?
Hey. Fine.
Poor you.
Well, truth is, it was tough.
Well, hang in there.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Her loss.
If you need anything,
I'm here for you.
Actually, I just had this crazy idea.
You'll think, "What's up with this guy?"
But I'll put it out there, and you can take it however you want.
-José Luis… -Nah, I won't put it out there.
What is it?
-I'm not telling you. -What?
I've got two tickets to Mauritius, leaving tomorrow.
It's a great resort. I almost got rid of them.
But listening to you, I thought…
we've barely spoken, but we get along so well, don't we?
So I'm thinking…
why not go together?
You and I. As friends, but close friends.
So?
Is it a plan, or is it crazy? What do you say?
I have a husband, two kids, and I came to ask you to return the money
that I gave you as a wedding gift.
Sure.
Give me your account number, and I'll transfer it to you.
-Here it is. -There it is.
He made a fool of himself.
CALLING
Hi. This is Teresa. I'm busy and can't pick up the phone right now.
I'll call you back. Bye.
We're going.
Son, are you sure--?
MAURITIUS
What are you doing?
What?
It's over there.
-I know, Mom. -You're out of it.
Look. Patrick Swayze. He's so handsome.
-Is your seat belt on? -Yes.
-It's too loose. It should be tight. -That tight?
The whole flight. This thing bounces all over.
Are you nervous?
I'm not nervous.
I thought so. You've flown a lot.
Would you take a sleeping pill, please?
No. I don't like to mix.
-Mix what? -Would you like some cava?
-Thank you very much. -I'm fine, thanks.
Don't grab my arm, Mom!
Turn that off, please.
Wait.
I'm checking if she had the nerve to post something.
-Who? -Teresa.
Listen to me, please. She ruined your wedding.
Do you want her to ruin your honeymoon too?
-Put that phone down! -Don't touch my stuff!
-You drive me crazy. -Same here!
Okay, then.
Mom…
Do you think…?
When…?
For me
Thank you.
Oh my God!
Wow.
This is so beautiful.
Honey, look at the girls with those skirts.
This is so nice. I love it.
It's so beautiful, I'm dying.
Me too.
It's so hot.
Spaniards?
Oh, my boy. You speak so well!
It's under José Luis Panizo.
Here it is.
The Honeymoon Suite, "Everlasting Love" package.
-Right. -"Everlasting Love."
-Congratulations. -Thank you.
Oh, no!
You didn't book the Honeymoon Suite?
-Yes, we booked the room… -Ah, okay.
You're going to love it.
It comes with a lot of freebies for newlyweds.
-Freebies? -Yes, freebies.
Freebies and activities.
-I love it. -That too.
Quiet. Let her speak.
All the activities we offer are free for our happy couples.
Exclusively for them.
That's what I'm trying to say. We're not a couple.
What?
Of course not.
-No. -A couple? Can you imagine?
We're not a couple.
We've become husband and wife.
-Hush. -What?
Hubby!
Shut up!
We're heading to the Love Villa.
It's a private villa exclusively for our couples.
What can I say? We're very romantic here.
Oh my goodness.
And best of all,
your package includes the Matasa wedding.
The Matasa wedding? What's that?
It's our wedding ritual.
On their last day,
we offer couples the chance
to get married on our private island.
That way, you can say
you've gotten married according to our culture.
You're from the island too?
No, I'm from Barcelona.
The Honeymoon Suite!
Oh my goodness gracious!
Yes. Hooray for the happy couple.
This is so beautiful!
I can't believe it!
Do you have something less romantic?
-We're not conventional. We'll be fine. -Speak for yourself.
There are no other rooms available on the whole island.
-I swear. -There must be one.
Silly, can't you see we're in the peak season for love?
Don't you see that?
You two were really lucky to find this room.
This room is exclusively
for those couples who come here to celebrate their honeymoon.
Last year, I had to kick out a couple who wasn't married.
Those are the hotel rules.
I think it's fair.
Am I right?
Newlyweds want other newlyweds around.
You don't want snoops.
We don't like snoops.
Would you come with me, please?
No way!
Jean-Pierre, throw the petals.
-No, don't. -Let him do it.
-No… -Babe, it's lovely. Let him do it.
And that's not all.
Anything to make our newlyweds happy.
Have a look at this.
We like to be able to hear the sound of the waves.
Thank you.
No, I can't take this.
I feel offended.
My only purpose here is to make your stay in this hotel
the most pleasant of your life.
I want you to remember this forever.
-Trust me, it's unforgettable. -That's enough payment for me.
Jean-Pierre, let's go.
Let's leave the couple to enjoy themselves.
That's why we're here. Come on. Our work here is done.
-There are bathrobes! -Okay!
I really like that song, Jean-Pierre.
-Have fun, okay? Enjoy. -Yeah. Sure.
-See you later. -Bye.
Bye.
Come here!
Come to bed with your mother!
It's really comfy.
We're not doing this any longer.
-What? -Don't play dumb.
You're so dramatic.
We're not pretending to be husband and wife!
-Why? It's not believable? -It's gross.
When you were little, people used to say,
"Your mom's so young, she could be your sister."
Sleeping with your sister is also gross.
God, you're so silly.
I am not giving up this room, no matter what you say.
You have the vacation you wanted.
-But I came to get over my grief. -Okay.
And since you're my mother, it would be nice if you'd listen to me.
When I tell you to. I need my space. I don't need you nagging me.
-Okay. -You seem to have forgotten about it.
But right now,
I'm in hell.
Excuse me.
One sangria.
A "sangry."
No…
-Then… -Try ordering a daiquiri.
They're really good here.
Okay then…
A daiquiri.
Armando.
Armando. I'm Mari Carmen.
Enchanté, Mari Carmen.
Thank you. Nice to meet you.
Thank you.
Let's see.
It's true. It's really good.
You here alone?
No, I'm with my
husband.
Who?
That one.
A young husband waiting for you at the table and a daiquiri at the bar?
You know how to enjoy life.
I try.
-Thanks. I'll go join him now. -Sure.
-Bye. -Bye.
Sorry.
I just bumped into this guy.
You have no idea how good this is.
Daiquiri.
-Want some? -No.
Okay, we have so many activities we can do!
-Where do we start? -Okay.
We'll do whatever I want. I'm the one suffering.
And right now, I just want to lie down by myself, drink, and think
about what happened. It's messed up.
Do you understand?
I'll make sandwiches. For the trip.
On outings, you never know when you're going to eat.
I'll put that avocado that you like so much on yours.
Hi. This is Teresa. I'm busy and can't pick up the phone right now.
I'll call you back. Bye.
I won't bother you, okay?
I'll be here, very still and quiet.
Like I was dead.
Just like you want me to be.
Want some?
A little bit?
Just a bit. I'll put it on you. You won't even notice.
Should I?
I'll do it.
Don't move. Mom will do it for you.
There, my boy.
Like that.
There you go.
I'm just waiting for you to finish!
You don't know when to stop!
-Okay. -It's unbelievable, Mom!
Wait.
There's some…
Don't leave it like this because… All right.
You had a sticky mess there.
What's this?
I'm sunbathing.
-I'm not comfortable with you like that! -Oh my God!
If I can't sunbathe
and I can't do any of the wonderful activities
for couples that are in the brochures, what can I do?
-You want to do something? -Yes!
And then you'll leave me alone?
-Yes. -Let's go on a trip, then.
Look, it's coming.
-This is the bus for the trip? -I guess.
What a piece of shit. I'm not going then.
God, give me patience.
Attention!
Everyone, pay attention!
The road ends in one kilometer.
Then we'll continue over the cliff on foot.
Heading north.
To the north!
And then you'll try the best rum on this island.
Do you like rum?
Yes, I like it!
-Yeah! -I can't hear you!
-Yeah! -Yes!
The place is on the other side of the cliff.
Next to a sugarcane field.
I have a question, miss.
-Is this included? -What do you mean?
It's the best rum here. We'll pay if it's not.
Yes. It's all included, honey.
Thank you, dear.
-It's all included. I paid for it. -You have to make sure.
Take a picture over there. I need to ask something.
All good?
Okay.
-Sara, right? -Yes.
José Luis. Great English.
Nice to meet you, José Luis. Are you here on vacation?
-Yes, I'm with my… -It's our honeymoon.
-Yeah, right. -That's great.
-Go take photos of the cliff. -Okay.
She's my mom. I took her on vacation. She's a pain!
It's so nice of you to go on a trip with your mother.
-Yes. It's a pain but nice too. -I'm glad.
-And I-- -Okay!
Time to try that rum!
-You like rum? -Me? I love it. Always have.
-Do you? -I love it.
Because if you don't, me neither.
From now on, I like whatever you like.
-Okay? -José.
-Really? -Yeah.
Let's not keep it waiting, then, in case we stop liking it.
-We won't stop. -Just saying.
Let's go.
-Come on! -What are you doing, Mom? Let's go.
-Mosquito repellent. -Don't put it on me.
-Stop it, Mom! -Stay still, please!
Stop it. Get on. They're leaving.
-It's true. -Of course they are.
-Can't you hold on like a normal person? -Go.
Get your leg off me. It's dripping.
I can't see them.
-You're going too fast! -We have to catch up.
We'll find them eventually.
This isn't the right way.
What now?
We've lost them, thanks to you.
Which way?
Why are you holding my hand?
Jeez, just let me do it.
You go first.
Hello?
It was the other way.
No, it wasn't the other way.
-This must be the rum place. -See? It was this way.
Look at him.
Hello.
He's plastered like Uncle Alfredo.
Where are the others?
Did we arrive too soon?
Or too late. And they're gone, thanks to you.
Let's go to the bar.
One rum.
Better make it four.
Why four?
Because it's free.
I'm not sure this is the place.
You're so boring.
Come on, drink.
I don't want to.
Drink it. This is a tasting, right? Taste it, then.
Come on, taste it.
What is this?
Let's get out of here, please!
Wait. We're supposed to see the place.
-Seen it. Let's go. -Great.
-Bye. -Let's get out of here.
This is free.
We with the group.
This is free, right?
-What? -I told you!
No way. You're not paying anything.
You've paid enough.
This is all included.
-It's not the right place! -Okay.
-Don't touch my son! -No need to defend me!
I can defend myself.
They're gonna kill you!
That's it.
Enough with the "pay this." There!
Thanks to you, we paid 400 euros for a few shots.
Sure, son.
Whatever you say. Aren't you hungry?
-Come on. -Let's make one thing clear, Mom.
We did something together. Now leave me alone.
-I'm done leaving the hotel! -Don't call me Mom, please.
I don't want them to take away my room, okay?
There are no more rooms.
You'll have to sleep with me.
Shit, she's looking. Pretend.
Look at me. Smile.
Smile at me.
Like that. Look at me.
Give me a peck.
What?
-A peck. -What's that?
-A kiss. -What are you saying?
How are you doing, lovebirds?
-How's dinner going? -Great.
We're having a competition for couples.
Want to participate?
-Of course! -Of course not.
Don't answer so quickly!
You don't know the prize.
-There's a prize? -Of course!
The prize is an excursion
to visit the seabed.
Honey, the seabed!
Mom…
Momor.
Why? What's in the seabed? We already know.
Fish and algae. Why bother?
Sign us up.
What did she say?
That we are disqualified, sort of.
What? We haven't started yet.
Come on! Go!
Mom…
I don't want to!
-Take the papaya! -I can't hear you!
I said take the papaya!
Go!
Don't break it!
You kissed me!
Go!
The seabed must be gorgeous!
Okay. I'm taking a shower.
Cheer up, son.
-We won! -I didn't win anything.
You never listen to me.
I don't want games. I don't want trips.
You make me do things that make me feel ridiculous.
Sorry for trying to make you feel better.
You can't.
I was left at the altar.
I know, sweetie.
No, you don't know.
I get what you're trying to do, but it's not working.
I'm not okay.
What happened got to me.
And having you on my back doesn't help.
Stop drinking tap water. You'll get diarrhea.
You don't listen! Who cares about the water?
I'm drinking it.
-And I'm fine! -Same temper as your father.
That's after spending 40 years with you.
Do you know why Teresa never wanted to visit?
Because you're a pain!
You're a real pain!
You're right.
I'm a real pain.
Where are you going? Away?
I haven't been out of the house in years!
I have no intention of being locked up in this room with you!
What's the matter?
Hi.
Nothing. Everything's fine. How are you? Is everything all right?
Everything's great. I'm doing a still life with pears.
Are you having fun? How's your son doing?
Bad, really bad.
It breaks my heart to see him like this.
Give him time.
He just…
He can't relax, so he can't enjoy all these things here.
You can't imagine how beautiful the island is.
Ángel,
I wish we could've come here when we were young.
Listen, do you
ever think about us?
What do you mean?
I mean, if you think about us, when we were young, before we got married.
A lot.
Are you listening to me?
I'll miss the light!
Goodbye, then.
Pears!
What a dumbass!
A daiquiri, please.
-Make it two. -Oh my God! You scared me!
Bonsoir, Mari Carmen.
-How's things? -Fine. And you?
-Fine. Yes. -Good.
Where's your husband?
He's at home.
Not at home. I mean, he's in the room.
Painting.
Yes. What about you, sir?
Don't call me "sir"!
Oh, sorry.
Are you here alone, or is your wife around?
No, there's no wife.
-Really? -They get tired of me.
I doubt it.
-Why's that? -I didn't say anything.
I'm here on business.
I'm a photographer.
-Photographer? -Yes.
I love it!
Excuse me?
I love this sky.
Those are some big stars, huh?
It's a beautiful world.
That's why we shouldn't miss it.
What?
I mean, "cheers."
Oh, cheers!
-It's called "toast." -Toast.
Toast. To life.
I'm afraid they're kicking us out.
-Already? It's so early. -Yes.
What a shame. This tastes so good.
Wait a second.
Don't talk to me in Creole!
You know I get confused.
-Diving suit, think. -Diving suit.
Dolphins.
Zip line.
-We've had problems-- -Hi.
Hey! The papaya king. Did you have fun?
-It was great. -Really?
Have you seen the lady who is traveling with me?
Your wife?
-My wife. -I haven't.
But just now, a very cute girl came
asking for you. There she is.
She's the guide from the trip.
I didn't say anything.
God forbid. It's none of my business.
Can you come here one second, please?
Come here just a sec.
Do you know why I'm working in reception here?
No.
A few years ago, I came to the island
and fell in love with a guy.
It was all fun and laughter, so I took him to Barcelona with me.
Well, six months later,
he had ruined my entire family.
We were all affected.
-That's terrible. -Life's such a bitch.
Now I have to work here in reception
to pay the mortgage for my apartment in Barcelona
because he's living there like a prince.
Sometimes I wonder, "How could you fall in love, Montse?"
It wasn't me.
I swear it wasn't me.
It's this island.
It has this vibe.
It has a weird energy.
I swear, it's all fire.
It makes you
want to meet people.
I swear to you.
Every time I think about it,
I want to fucking destroy it
and the guy that ruined my life.
Can I go now?
Of course! All this is for you to enjoy.
Have fun.
Au revoir.
Okay…
Sara.
José Luis, how are you?
Thanks.
-What for? -Not filing a complaint.
But it was our fault.
No, it was my fault.
When I noticed, you were already gone and were at the wrong bar.
Not at all. We got lost.
And then, my Mom and I made fools of ourselves. Don't worry.
We can do it again anytime.
-Okay? -Okay.
Okay.
The thing is I'm more…
Did you drink the tap water?
The tap water? No.
Everybody knows not to. Not from the tap. Always from the bottle.
Wherever you go. New York, Los Ángeles, the fjords…
Have you seen the fjords?
-Yes, they suck. -Really?
I've never been there, but I like the fjords--
I love them.
Okay.
It's good to know you like something.
Yeah…
I'm staying here.
Are you staying or leaving?
-I was leaving. -Okay.
-Sure you're okay? -Yes.
Okay. See you.
-Okay. Later! -Later.
-Bye. -Bye.
Bye!
My number's at the reception desk.
Hello.
Why are you here?
Why am I here?
Do you think I'm stupid?
I know exactly what's going on.
Okay. I need to go. We'll talk later.
Not later. Now.
You're not a normal couple.
Okay, you caught us. I really have to go.
You're an open-minded couple.
Two touching, one watching, three getting it on.
Nothing surprises me at my age, you know?
If you knew the weird stuff I've seen here.
Hey!
Mm, what?
Careful.
-Oh! It's so pretty! -Yes, it is.
I love it.
Are you sure we can be here?
Of course. We're his guests.
-Okay. -Shall we?
Look up there!
-Pretty, isn't it? -Lovely!
-Hello, Mari Carmen. -Thank you.
Oh my goodness!
It's been ages since I went partying.
It hasn't changed that much, you know?
But I have.
What are you saying?
You look great.
I'm going to grab a daiquiri.
I was looking for you. I couldn't find you.
-Here. -I don't smoke.
Me neither.
Huh?
It's not tobacco.
-Wow. -Don't worry. It's really good.
They even sell it at the street market.
-No, I… -Enjoy.
I've never taken drugs.
But this isn't a drug. It's just a plant.
It's called Green Emerald.
-Really? -It's local.
-Try it. -No, I can't, honestly.
-It's too embarrassing. -Mari Carmen.
You're on an island. In the middle of the ocean.
Nobody here knows you.
Enjoy.
All right.
I don't know.
Let's see.
Maybe it's not the right key?
Who locked the door?
-Mari Carmen. -Open up.
Lady! Open the door!
It's me.
Heyo…
Hello.
I hunted this inner tube. Look.
I see that.
Do you want it? Here.
It's all yours.
I just wanted to make sure she got here all right.
-I wouldn't say "all right"… -I'm going to play some music.
-This place is so boring. -Great.
It's okay. It's her honeymoon.
A bit of fun doesn't hurt anyone.
Excuse me, who are you?
He's Armando, a friend of mine.
Nice to meet you.
Likewise.
Thank you.
-You're welcome. -Good night. Bye.
-So? -So what?
Where were you?
Hanging out.
Outside of the hotel?
Are you serious? It could be dangerous.
Look at my little boy, worrying about his mommy.
What did you drink? Tell me.
Nothing.
Yeah, sure. Let me smell your breath.
You smell like pot.
Did you smoke?
How old are you? Fifteen?
-Go to bed now! -Wow!
-Go to sleep! -Okay.
Okay, I'm going to bed.
Stop with that. Come on.
I'm glad you had fun with a man we know nothing about.
That man's name is Armando, and he's a photographer.
-I don't care what he is. -Honestly…
I might be a pain, but you, son…
you're a real drag.
No wonder Teresa left you because…
Oh, my…
You're such a…
I'm gonna piss myself!
I just peed my panties!
Hi. This is Teresa. I'm busy and can't pick up the phone right now.
I'll call you back. Bye.
So?
A little hungover?
You were feeling no pain last night.
-Daiquiri. -Daiquiri.
-Calvin. -Hi, Mari Carmen.
How's your dermatitis?
The skin on your elbow.
Looks bad.
Let me give you this cream.
Really good, from Costco.
Here, Cost…? No?
Le Costco?
Whatever. Here.
For you.
Rub it there, and you'll see.
Oh, last night…
Mari Carmen!
Hello.
Are you going to tell me about last night?
I wish, but I can't remember anything.
Anything.
You shouldn't go out alone.
Are you really telling me this now?
No, I mean…
Next time you go out, you don't need to go alone.
I don't get you.
You're right.
I'm sure doing stuff will do me good.
Sorry, but I don't…
I don't know what you mean exactly.
Help me have as much fun as you're having.
-Really? -Yes. Let's do something together.
-Really? -Yes.
Prepare to have your mind blown.
So right now, you want to buy drugs?
It's not a drug. It's a plant.
Just like lettuce or escarole.
Or marijuana.
If you put it like that, it sounds worse, but it's not…
You'll see how good it'll make you feel.
-What's it called? -Green Emerald.
And you can buy it here?
Yeah, at some stall.
-Which one? There's a million! -We'll have to ask around.
Sure, Mom.
We can't ask that.
We'll get arrested. They'll put us on Locked Up Abroad.
-We won't get arrested. -I dunno.
We just need to be careful.
Oh my God!
What?
Look at that cucumber.
It's insane!
This is cucumber?
No.
Green Emerald.
What?
You tell her.
-Hello. -It's him.
Green Emerald?
-Please, let me do the talking. -You're too nervous.
-Smoking might do you good. -They don't understand. Let me.
Let's see what he brings us.
Maybe he'll bring some peaches.
Yes, that's it! Quick, pay him!
-Is that it? -Yes. Pay him.
-That's it? -Do you want a receipt? Let's go!
-So, is this…? -Wait a second.
This is oregano.
-It can't be oregano. -It is.
-I know the smell of oregano. -It smells like seasoning, but it's not.
I'm telling you.
Here he comes.
He realized he gave us oregano by mistake.
-What's he asking? -If we like it.
It's great for pizza.
So, do you feel relaxed?
The truth is… it didn't turn out too well.
No shit! Do you know we could get 50 years for drug dealing?
Drug dealing? Don't overreact!
We'll just pay a fine and get released.
So, this is my honeymoon.
It's great.
-You still haven't told me what happened. -With what?
With Teresa.
You already know. She left with the DJ. What else do you want me to tell you?
Things don't happen overnight. There must have been something else.
Were things good?
Neither good nor bad.
We didn't get along well,
but we didn't argue either.
Though she had been acting strange for some time.
But so was I,
so I ignored it.
Then I had the brilliant idea to get married.
Why?
Because she always said that she was looking forward to it.
What about you?
Did you want to?
I didn't care.
Honestly.
But I thought, "This is what couples do."
They go through stages.
They have their ups and downs, right?
What? That's how it is. You move in together, marry, have kids…
That's how relationships go.
No, son, it isn't.
That's how you hide your problems.
What are you, a therapist?
I'm not. But with experience comes wisdom, honey.
Things haven't gone so bad for you and Dad.
You've been together forever, and it's sort of worked out.
Your dad…
fooled me.
He cheated on you?
No. He made me think life would be different.
At first,
we'd go out all the time, he'd take me on his bike…
We went so many places, you know?
-We'd go dancing. -Dad used to dance?
He did.
No…
But there he was, you know?
Yes…
But then we got married and…
that was it.
Everything became work,
the house,
eating,
sleeping…
And now, painting.
Please!
Will you shut up? You're giving me a headache!
Honey, what happened between you and Teresa was meant to happen.
-You spent a fortune on the wedding… -I'd say.
But you've spared yourself years of suffering.
Should we call Dad?
If your dad mediates, we'll get a life sentence.
Shit.
What do we do?
-Let me. -Who are you going to call?
A friend.
The gray-haired guy?
The photographer.
Call him. It's his fault we're here.
How do I…?
The hotel… Oh, right.
No.
Right.
Put me through to Armando, will you?
The French photographer.
What?
Okay. Thank you. Bye.
So?
He's out.
What do we do now?
I don't know.
I don't know anyone else on the island.
Wait. I do.
Hi Sara. It's José Luis.
Hey! José Luis, how are you?
Good.
Well, normal-good.
My mother and I have been arrested.
What?
-What did you do? -Yes.
-We… -We bought drugs!
Mom, zip it. We went to buy Green Emerald for my mom.
-For both of us. -Okay.
Could you get us out of here, please?
Right now, I'm taking some tourists to an activity.
Yes, of course.
We need the signature of a resident.
-I'm coming. -Really?
-Thank you. -Thanks, dear!
I owe you one.
-José Luis. -What?
-Do you have a swimsuit? -Huh?
I don't like this! If I'd known, I'd have stayed in prison!
Stop it!
Way to go, son! You're doing great!
That's enough!
Stop!
No hands!
Tell him to stop!
-What? -What?
He's going too fast!
-What? -Tell him to stop!
-He says he wants more. -Okay.
Oh, he fell!
Where is he?
Holy shit.
-Jesus fucking Christ. -José Luis!
Hey!
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
I'm perfectly fine.
What?
Two jellyfish.
Don't panic, okay?
That was a…
Huh…
Come on.
I can't do this dance.
Yes, you can. Trust me.
See?
This is what I wanted to do with my life.
To travel, meet people,
see the world.
So why didn't you?
It's not that easy.
Although I tried, believe me.
One time, when I was about 16 years old,
I ran away from home.
And when you did, where did you want to go?
To Ibiza.
-Ibiza? -Yes.
But he preferred Galicia.
No wonder.
Dad is so crazy about seafood, right?
No, it wasn't Dad. My boyfriend. He was from Galicia.
Galicia?
-You had a boyfriend before Dad? -Yes, and Dad had a girlfriend.
When we met, we broke up with them.
Why didn't I know about this?
Because I had a life before I met you, kid.
I can imagine, but you've never told me these stories.
I know nothing about you.
I know everything about you.
-Excuse me? -You heard me.
A son can't keep secrets from his mom.
Don't talk crazy, Mom.
I never ran away, but I also have stories.
And I know all of them.
Is that what you think?
You don't think I know more things about you than you know about me?
-Of course not. -Wanna bet?
This game is about who knows the other person better.
If you miss or you don't answer, you drink.
-And if I get it right? -I drink.
Okay.
You're gonna get so hammered you'll never forget it.
I'll start with an easy one. What was my first job?
That's simple.
Computer technician, at Gerardo's consultancy.
He paid you shit, and the jerk used to touch my ass.
Correct. Easy-peasy.
All right.
What was my first job?
You can't start by asking a trick question. It's obvious.
You never worked.
As a salesperson in a perfumery.
-Come on. -When I was 17.
Drink.
But I wasn't born then. It's not fair.
You could've asked at some point in your life, right?
Just to know about your mom.
Drink.
Okay.
That was too much.
Come on, drink.
Fuck it.
-When did I lose my virginity? -When?
Or to whom?
Whatever. You don't know.
It's true. It's very private.
I don't know…
To Inés, from the third floor, when you were 19,
while your father and I were on vacation in Salobreña.
How did you know that?
The look on your face.
Come on. Drink.
Great. You win. Congratulations.
No, but ask me.
When did you lose your virginity?
For example.
-Not with Dad on your honeymoon. -No.
The Galician guy?
I'm not telling you.
There you go.
Why?
Look what I'm doing.
There.
No.
Mom, this is bullshit!
Let's go.
-Listen. -What?
-Don't cheat. -I'm not cheating.
So, did I tell you or not?
I don't know.
A son can't keep secrets from his mom.
Whatever, but tell me the secret.
-I won't. -Damn.
No way.
But…
there's something…
I knew it. What?
Six months ago,
they found a lump in my breast.
I was really scared.
-Why didn't you say anything? -I didn't want you to worry.
Did you go alone?
All alone.
I don't need anyone for that.
-What did they say? -False alarm.
-Are you sure? -Completely.
-Dad didn't notice? -No.
-That man lives in a world of his own. -No one noticed anything.
No one.
I promise this will be the trip of your life.
It already is.
Hey, José Luis!
-Excuse me. -Hey!
-I'm glad you're here!
Better than the last time you saw me.
-Are you alone? -Not alone.
Look who's with me.
Look what she's doing.
Dancing "La Cucaracha."
You two always surprise me.
Want one?
Okay.
Want another one?
No, I have a trip tomorrow. I can't be hungover.
Where are you going?
Want to come?
Of course I do.
Wait! Tomorrow? I can't.
I'm going diving with my mom. She's really excited.
It's okay.
See you, José!
Sara!
I think my mom wouldn't mind going by herself.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure she'll understand.
We're going on a trip.
Take the earplugs, or you might get an ear infection.
Huh? No, I'm fine.
She's nice, isn't she?
Who?
Sara. Who else?
Oh… yeah.
She's cute.
What's up?
With me? Nothing.
Well…
Teresa was also really nice.
Why are you bringing Teresa up now?
Take the earplugs, or you'll forget, and if you get an ear infection…
Ear infection…
Bye.
Where's my red shirt?
This is my favorite place on the island.
No wonder. It's gorgeous.
Did you have fun with your mom?
Holy shit.
She can really hold her liquor.
You two seem very close.
Well, we have our moments.
What about your parents?
Well, I haven't spoken to my dad for a long time.
Really?
-I'm sorry. -Don't worry. He's an asshole.
It's great that you get along with your folks.
My relationship with my mom is just okay.
We fight all the time.
But since we got here,
I'm reconnecting with her.
Wanna swim?
Yes, please! Let's go!
Don't you dare move, Mari Carmen.
Oh my God!
You're here?
The seabed is one of my favorite places.
-Yes. -And you? What are you doing here?
I won this trip at a competition.
With my husband.
-And he didn't come with you? -No.
But I don't need anyone.
I wouldn't miss this for the world.
So, here I am.
I'm staying in a guest room in Tamarin.
Do you live alone?
Yeah. Why?
Nothing, it's just…
I'm always amazed at people who live alone.
-I've never lived alone. -Really?
I went from living with my parents to living with my girlfriend.
Anyone waiting for you in Spain?
No.
I mean,
we broke up recently.
But it wasn't a big deal.
I'm not really into commitments.
This place is amazing.
You're lucky to live here.
It's not always that great.
During the low season, the island is empty.
And in the high season, it's full of tourists who are just after sex.
That sounds awesome.
Yeah, I just love it.
Guys can be a real pain sometimes. I'm telling you.
You're not.
They usually lie to get with you.
They say they're single or in an open relationship…
I don't care about their lives!
If you want to have sex, let's have sex.
But why do men always try to hide things?
I don't know.
-Lying isn't cool. -It's not.
Sara.
What?
Here we are.
I really liked that cove, you know?
With the little boat and the fish… I liked it a lot.
-Let's do it again sometime. -What are you doing tomorrow?
Hey. Look.
What's she…?
Who's that?
Armando, a guy she met here.
What did I tell you about lying tourists?
Right… What was it? I can't remember.
Not all of them take advantage of the guides.
Some go after rich women.
Really?
My mom could pass for a lot of things, but not a rich lady.
Think about it. An older woman with a young husband,
staying at the best resort in Mauritius
must be rich.
Anyway. You were saying?
Come on. Let's do something.
Jean-Pierre, show these people to their room, please.
-Good evening. -Hi. Good evening.
-I have a question. -Yes?
That gentleman…
Do you know him?
I can't tell you.
Okay. But can you tell me if you've ever seen him around? Is he a tourist?
I can't tell you.
Do you want money?
What are you doing?
Is this a tip or a bribe?
It's not a bad tip,
but it's a shitty bribe, you know?
It's a bribe.
I love being bribed.
People don't bribe anymore. No one bribes nowadays.
Some time ago, a big movie star, whose name I can't disclose, came here.
She had just broken up with Brad Pitt,
and she brought so many kids…
Do you think she booked the VIP Suite?
No.
She got the Junior Suite.
She had all the kids piled up. I felt so bad for them.
I wanted to tell her, "Angelina, please, you can afford it--"
Who's that?
Angelina Jolie. There, I said it.
Me and my stupid mouth.
That man! Who's that man?
I don't know who that man is!
He's not a guest here. I don't know.
I didn't get to explain why she bribed me.
I can't get it out of my head.
What are we doing?
Spying on my mom.
Let's go. This is pointless. And I pricked myself.
-Really? With Photoshop? -Yes. Would you like that?
-Okay, but… -Hi. What's up?
Hello. How are you?
I wanted to talk to you, Mom.
Mom?
He's not your husband?
-Well, it's a… -You haven't told him?
No, I'm her son.
Her husband is my father. He's in Madrid.
-You do remember who is who, right? -Perfectly.
Would you excuse us?
Come.
I'm coming. Excuse me.
What is it?
This guy is a scammer.
This guy's name is Armando, and he's a gentleman.
And he's been extremely nice to me since I arrived.
Unlike some people.
Can't you see it?
Tell me why a younger man,
who looks like an actor from a shampoo commercial,
would be with you?
With me?
Yes, Mom. Do I need to explain everything?
I think you're mistaken.
Your mother and I are just friends.
See?
Knock it off, Armando. You're not a guest here.
Of course not. I'm a freelancer.
I can't afford it.
Are you seriously not going to drop the act?
It's not an act.
He took beautiful pictures of me…
I can take beautiful pictures too.
Congratulations.
Could you tell her there are scammers around?
Yes, it's true.
See?
That's enough. Okay?
-Mom, you're so naive! -Enough!
I know how you feel.
You're upset because you were left at the altar,
but don't you dare talk to me like that!
Understood? Don't talk to me like that.
Is that true?
-That's weird. -Weird?
Weird how?
Tell the truth. Were you left at the altar?
Yes.
Sara.
Leave me alone, you liar.
Can't you see I'm doing this to protect you?
-You don't need to. -That's not what it looks like.
-What does it look like? -Like you're cheating on Dad.
But… I'm a grown-up.
You can't smack me.
I can't believe it.
Wait a minute.
Sorry for slapping you earlier.
It's the first time I've ever laid a hand on you.
Look what you did.
Do you think you're an awesome mom?
Do you know why I left home?
To be able to do things by myself.
To make decisions without you!
Without hearing, "That's great, son, but do as your mom tells you."
That's what you do!
-Me? -Are you going to deny it?
Let me remind you that I'm still doing your laundry.
Because you ask to do it.
You never let me do anything on my own!
Do you remember the crap you told me when I was a kid?
"You can't go to summer camp."
"There are tons of tapeworms that get in you and come out of your ass."
"You're not going on the school trip to Morocco."
"You're so dumb, they'll trick you and put drugs in your luggage."
I never had a bicycle.
You said kids who fall off become paralyzed!
You're very clumsy.
Just so you know.
'Cause of you, I'm scared to get on an inner tube.
You've filled me with fears.
You always meddle.
How can you be so ungrateful!
I always meddle?
You even came on my honeymoon.
And is this my fault too?
Is this my fault too?
Everything.
Everything's my fault!
Mine and poor Teresa's!
"Poor Teresa's"?
Yesterday she was a bitch, and now she's "poor Teresa."
Ever wonder why they all leave you?
No. You tell me. I see you have a theory. Let's hear it.
You don't want a girlfriend!
You want a mother.
Are you serious?
They get tired of you.
They're not willing to put up with it as much as I do.
Don't play the victim.
I go out of my way for you.
And what do I get?
What should I give you?
Exactly! I don't get anything back.
-You give it to any other girl. -What?
You fall for any girl you meet.
-Of course not. -Sara, Teresa, Inés…
-The one from the Canary Islands. -Yaiza?
-She ruined college for you. -She was a sweetheart.
-Right. She dumped you. -That's not true. It was a mutual breakup.
God, you're so dumb.
You're always switching girlfriends because you're a coward
who can't be alone.
That's your problem.
And you're perfect, right?
You've never been wrong.
Don't get me started.
You already said enough.
That was enough.
I just wanted to have some fun.
Know what that is?
Because I don't.
I haven't had fun since I got married.
If I meet someone who makes me feel like my life is more than taking care of
a husband who ignores me
and a son who doesn't respect me,
I don't need to sleep with him.
INCOMING CALL
Hi.
May I?
Of course. Come in.
I was
packing my bags.
Why did you tell me he was your husband?
So that you knew I'm married.
To make it clear there couldn't be anything between us.
Or to make it clear to me.
Are you leaving?
Tomorrow.
Last night in paradise.
You can spend it locked in this room,
or you can have a last daiquiri with me.
All right.
Give me a minute.
-Of course. -Great.
Stunning.
-Shall we? -Yes.
What time are you leaving?
The last call for Matasa wedding.
Matasa wedding.
Sara.
I came to apologize for lying to you.
It's my fault.
For getting involved with another lying tourist.
You're right.
I want to tell you the truth.
One, this trip is my honeymoon.
And two, yes, I was dumped at the altar.
What happened?
I'm not gonna tell you.
-I want you to tell me. -I won't.
What do you want to hear?
I was at the altar with her about to say, "I do."
Then a car appeared and crashed into this sign that said, "Love."
I thought the sign was tacky, but she liked it.
This handsome guy got out of the car.
He said something to Teresa,
she ran into his arms, and they kissed right in front of me
and the guests.
Sorry, but…
I was just standing there, wearing the blue vest she chose.
It's fine if you don't want to get married.
Just don't do that. That bitch!
Know what sucks the most?
I knew that relationship had no future.
But that day, for a second,
I believed it did.
I believed it could work out with Teresa.
I'm sorry.
I didn't tell you because it's just pathetic.
You don't tell that to a girl you like.
It doesn't matter. You're leaving tomorrow.
What if I stay?
-You just met me. -So?
-It's not… -We like each other.
We get along. We laugh all the time. Nothing's waiting for me back in Madrid.
Holy shit!
I'd rather stay here with you. Right?
It's very clear to me right now.
So?
You've just been left at the altar.
You can't see anything clearly.
It's not normal wanting to stay after just a few days together, right?
No.
Then my mother's right.
I can't be alone.
I don't know how to.
-Know what I think? -What?
What you're saying is great.
But you're saying it to the wrong woman.
Tell that to your mom!
Yeah, I got that.
Bye.
Good luck!
Mom!
Dad, it's me. I'm looking for Mom.
Do you know where she puts the turpentine?
What? I don't know.
Is that why you're calling?
No. But I'm retouching your painting.
It's looking great.
But I can't manage to remove Teresa's eyebrows.
It's not my fault. She was really hairy.
Leave Teresa's hair alone and listen to me.
Something's wrong with Mom.
-She told me you fooled her. -Me?
Do you know how long it's been since I…?
I'm not talking about that. Listen.
She said that, at first, before you got married…
you used to have fun together.
You made plans and you laughed.
But you suddenly changed.
-Oh, yeah, right. -What do you mean?
Of course I fooled her. I'm not a fun guy.
I did it to win her heart. That's what people did back then.
How can you admit that?
It's bullshit. Can't you see?
It's not. That's just life.
She's not a party animal either.
-Mom's a homebody. -That's not true.
I thought so too, but she's not.
Mom…
Mom's cool.
She's really funny. Honestly.
She's like the mayor of the island. Everyone likes her.
It's simple.
She just wants to have fun.
And she's bored with you.
You have to try harder, okay?
Or I think she's gonna leave you.
Did she say that?
She didn't need to.
-Right. -Okay, then. Bye, Dad.
Montse. It's an emergency.
-What's wrong? -Have you seen the lady?
-Your wife? -Yes.
Yes. She came by. She was going to our private island.
Private island?
Get with the program. The Matasa wedding.
She came by dressed in white with other couples.
By herself?
No, not by herself.
There's some weird stuff going on between you two.
You're with another girl, and she's with another man.
I might have to kick you out of the room, you know?
Jean-Pierre, it's Montse!
Montse?
Hey! Don't you dare!
Stop!
Mom!
No!
Don't!
No way!
What's he doing?
Mom!
You can't!
Mom, don't!
-Don't! -Jesus…
Mari Carmen, what's this?
Mom, I don't know what's going on, but don't do it.
I know Dad's not a great husband and I'm an idiot,
but this is not the solution.
I think you shouldn't get married.
I'm not getting married.
-You're not? -We're the witnesses!
-Oh shit. -Sorry.
Gudrun, Bibi, I'm sorry.
Did you really think I was getting married?
Do you think I'm an idiot?
I know you're not an idiot.
But you have enough reasons to say to hell with it and leave.
That's why I thought…
And this man here, Armando,
he treats you right.
He listens. He's fun. He has great hair…
-And he's a crook. -What?
You heard me.
Excuse me?
I realized the day I called you from the station
and they said you weren't a guest.
Yeah. I stay at an aparthotel--
I know, an aparthotel. I called. They're after you for nonpayment.
I called the consulate and gave them his details.
You're wanted in three countries, honey.
I went along with it because I was having a great time.
But jeez.
And why would they be looking for me?
For smuggling this in tourists' luggage?
Calvin, what's going on?
I have no idea what you're talking about, honestly.
Call your accomplice at Madrid airport. He's been arrested.
Mari Carmen, I don't have an accomplice!
Give me that!
Let her go!
Don't touch my son!
Are you okay?
-Yes. -Honey?
Excuse me. Did you just call him "son"?
Montse. Hi.
Aren't you married?
Was this all a trick?
Well, the truth is…
The room was so big.
-I told you it was only for newlyweds. -Hold on.
We're not married. It's true.
But she deserves even more than a luxury suite.
And I want to thank her.
She's always been by my side. I took it for granted.
I've never seen her as a woman, 'cause she's my mom.
That's all.
I never ask her if she's okay.
What she wants.
If she's happy or sad. I don't know. I never ask her that.
Up until a couple of days ago,
I didn't even know what she liked.
But she's still there for me.
And I know she always will be.
No, she's not my wife.
But she's the woman I care about most.
Hold on.
You, handsome, over here.
Come over here, please.
I called the police. They're waiting at the hotel. So?
-That's an option. -Yes.
Another one is…
you,
me…
and a daiquiri.
We take that little boat over there and we leave.
-A little boat? -Yes.
No. To hell with the boat!
I have enough on my plate with one freeloader in Barcelona.
I don't need two.
Calvin! Come here a sec. Where's Jean-Pierre?
Take this man to the hotel. Make sure he doesn't wander off.
-Understood? Watch him. -You don't know what you're missing.
Yes, I do. I know what I'm missing. I'm not falling for it again!
Well…
-Okay. -Right.
-Here we are. -Yep.
The hotel was great, but there's nothing like your own bed.
What's gotten into him now?
WELCOME MARI CARMEN
Darling, we're back.
-For you. -What's this?
They're lovely. Thank you.
-And… -What's that?
Two tickets to Paris.
We're leaving in one hour. If you want to.
Oh my…
Did you hit your head or something?
Can't I miss how much fun it was before we got married?
Can you believe this?
Paris?
You know I've always wanted to go to Paris, you rascal.
-I would love to see the Eiffel Tower. -Sure.
And I would love to stuff myself with foie.
My dream is to see the Mona Lisa.
I thought it was to see the seabed.
-Seen that already. -Right.
Two tickets for the Louvre.
Hurry! Grab your suitcase.
We're going to Paris!
Look at your father. I can't believe it!
I mean…
All right.
Will you be okay by yourself?
I don't know. I've never done it before.
But I think I will. Will you be okay not going it alone?
I don't know. I've never done it before.
But I think I will.
Thanks, Mom.
Put those in water with aspirin. I'll get them when I'm back.
Okay.
Au revoir, son!
Sweetie, did you make it home?
Your fridge must be empty.
Stop by our house. We have plenty of sirloins with foie.
Kisses, honey.
Subtitle translation by: Olga Garrido