Downloaded from YTS.MX
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
Thank you.
[sighs]
♪ Many times I tried to tell you ♪
♪ Many times I cried alone ♪
♪ Always I'm surprised how well ♪
♪ You cut my feelings to the bone ♪
♪ Don't want to leave you really ♪
-♪ I've invested too much time ♪ -[car horn beeps]
♪ To give you up that easy ♪
All right then. Fuck it!
[tires screech, horns beep]
♪ We belong to the light We belong to the thunder ♪
[indistinct chatter]
♪ We belong to the sound of the words ♪
♪ We've both fallen under ♪
Go, go, go!
[engine accelerates]
♪ Whatever we deny or embrace For worse or for better ♪
[tires screech]
-[horn beeps] -Watch out!
-Watch out, man! -[bell rings]
♪ We belong, we belong together ♪
♪ Maybe it's a sign of weakness ♪
[priest] Love…
-Go! -…is the greatest thing in our lives.
[horn beeps]
To love someone is the greatest gift.
It's more than a gift.
It's a necessity.
Teresa de Rosendo…
do you take José Luis Panizo to be your lawfully wedded husband?
[car horn beeps]
-[gasps] -[guests chatter indistinctly]
This is not going to happen.
[gasps]
-[loud thud] -[screams]
[man] Oh my god!
Teresa, you can't marry this man.
[guest] Huh?
I love you.
And you love me.
♪ Whatever we deny or embrace ♪
♪ For worse or for better ♪
♪ We belong, we belong ♪
♪ We belong together ♪
Let's go.
[Teresa] Hurry up. Let's go.
[music ends]
NETFLIX PRESENTS
[melancholy music playing]
It's for the best, you know.
I never really liked her.
I'm sorry, José Luis, but I have to charge you anyway.
Wait, honey.
[Mari Carmen] She was always…
I mean… always.
Whenever we'd invite her over, she always had an excuse.
For my birthday, and also your father's…
that time after grandfather's surgery, remember?
And, of course, you always spent Christmas with her parents.
[band singing in Spanish] ♪ Please tell me this is not true ♪
♪ That you're not cheating on me And that you're still with me ♪
♪ And when I went to Puerto Rico… ♪
[man] This is delicious.
Son, the catering is great.
-Okay, okay. You guys can stop… -[music stops]
…playing that on repeat.
-Okay. -Okay?
-Thanks a lot. -Guys, let's play "El merenguito."
[singer, in Spanish] One, two…
-One, two, three! -[music starts]
This bill for the lighting equipment…
is five hundred euros.
Photographer. Two thousand euros?
She's the best one.
People take pictures with their cellphones now.
You're saying we should've taken our wedding photos on smart phones?
-What… -We wanted quality photos.
You think they have to-go boxes?
How are you planning to carry 200 sirloins with foie gras?
Don't worry. I'll freeze them. They'll be eaten in a month.
His liver will collapse.
Why'd you pay for everything?
I told you. Teresa… [exhales]
Teresa is a student and couldn't afford any of this.
And what do we do?
We help each other.
-You taught me that. -A student? What was she studying?
Poor Teresa, the penniless student.
While Teresa was studying, she played around too, huh?
-Oh, my god. -[sighs]
[Mari Carmen] DJ Chucho?
A thousand?
What in the world is a "DJ Chucho"?
Jesus, Mom. It's not a thing.
Deejay Chucho.
DJ, like a disc jockey, the guy who plays the music!
The guy she left with.
What did you say?
All right. One less bill to pay.
I told you this all along.
I knew there was something fishy about her.
Was I right or was I right?
You never said that.
I was trying not to meddle.
Just hang on a minute.
-Hmm. -This isn't who she is.
She must've lost her marbles and went crazy with passion.
But what always happens with passion? It always wears off.
That's when she'll call.
If she's lucky I'll decide to answer the phone. Wait and see.
Mm. My poor boy.
Stop. Can you guys stop playing that? God!
Want us to do "Paquito el chocolatero"?
-No, I want you to leave! -As you wish. We've been paid anyway.
What were you thinking, paying up front?
What do you mean?
You pay wedding bills up front, always.
[Ángel] It's because of the moon.
The moon? What are you talking about?
It's paid up front because of the honeymoon.
Otherwise, the newlyweds would forget.
Yeah, he's right.
The honeymoon?
The honeymoon.
Listen, his fiancée dumped him at the altar…
For another man.
As you can imagine, he's just a wreck.
-I'm fine. -No, he's not.
Look at his face. He's sickly and pale.
Okay, can you leave my… Continue.
I remember you now.
You're the Norwegian fjords guy.
Yeah. Listen to the guy. He's the travel agent.
The girlfriend wanted a super-exotic destination like Mauritius.
But he kept going on about the fjords.
-Really? -What's wrong with the fjords?
They're boring as shit.
He eventually fell in line. Didn't you?
This one always falls in line.
-I guess I do. Or I did. -Of course you did.
See where it got me? In this fucked up shit storm.
And let me tell you… No, wait…
It wasn't just the honeymoon. You know the bullshit I've been through?
-Oh my god. -I did what her majesty wanted.
Whatever she wanted.
-The dream honeymoon her majesty wanted. -Dream honeymoon.
-The dream wedding. -Her wedding celebration.
-The dream home. -Dream home…
Enough. The whole thing.
Except for the husband she wanted, right?
[chuckles]
[chuckle fades, clears throat] Sorry.
You…
You gotta help me out.
-It's just too much money. -Poor guy.
You can help me, right?
[inhales]
No. I'm sorry. I can't help you.
-All right. Thank you. Can we go now? -No. We're not going.
Didn't I tell you they wouldn't refund it?
But we had to come here so they could laugh at me.
-No, they weren't… -Thanks, Mom.
Oh… I think I forgot my cellphone.
Listen to me, mister.
My son is doing very bad.
I know you don't care about that, but I am his mother.
And I'm not leaving until you give me back all the money,
or come up with another solution.
He should just go.
How the hell could he go on his honeymoon alone?
He'd probably die.
Then I'd die as well.
That's not a bad idea.
-What's that? -Why don't you go with him?
You think I should go on the honeymoon? With my son?
Listen to me.
This place is the best resort in Mauritius.
Private beach.
Premium luxury suite with round the clock personal assistance.
An open bar.
Lobsters as big as my arm.
And the best part… it's all inclusive.
This trip is a dream come true. A dream.
Although, there's one tiny condition.
-[phone rings] -Huh?
[José Luis] No way, Mom. We're not going on the honeymoon together.
[Mari Carmen] I think it's a wonderful solution.
And this way your money won't be wasted.
All he had to do was change the name on the plane ticket.
He entered my name and removed hers.
This is a trip to Mauritius, not Benidorm.
Precisely. That's what you need now, honey.
You need more light, sun, vitamin D…
Now I do?
Every summer you lecture me on how the sun will give me cancer.
-If you don't hydrate. -If I don't hydrate.
Apparently, the drinks in the hotel are completely free. [chuckles]
Oh my goodness! I'm going to the beach!
We've been to Salobreña, right?
The only fish we saw there were on skewers.
Leave the kid alone.
I'm not leaving him.
Just look at him. With his poor little broken heart.
You want to go for the fish, not to mend my heart.
Listen… I don't want to go anywhere.
[sighs]
Got it? Not with you or anyone. Tomorrow I'm going back to my old life.
I'll go out, I'll date, 'cause I look great on Tinder.
Everything will go back to normal.
-Of course. -See what you did?
-You spoiled his excitement. -Me?
-What's this? -Oh… [hesitates] It's nothing!
No, you didn't…
What is this bullshit?
Er… It's my wedding gift. I painted it myself.
Your father's decided he wants to paint now.
Where did you learn?
[Ángel] YoTube.
Jesus Christ. It's so horrendous I want to gouge out my eyes.
-I can fix it. Don't worry. -You can't. How would you?
I can remove Teresa's face and replace it.
Can you replace it with a human face?
Who do you fancy? How about one of those celebrity chicks?
Mariah Carey. Uh, Cher?
Or Shakira?
-They're all so good, I can't pick. -[Mari Carmen] What now?
Do I start packing or what?
No, Mom. Don't pack, no!
Hmm.
I can't fucking believe her.
Would she go on honeymoon with Grandma? Of course not.
-She didn't have a honeymoon. -Sure she did.
She didn't. I had too much work, so I promised I'd take her to Paris,
as soon as possible.
But then you were born. And…
We kept putting it off and putting it off…
-So, you two didn't go? -No.
[melancholy music playing]
[phone ringing]
How are you doing?
Hey. Fine.
Poor dear.
Oh, yeah. The truth is, it was tough.
Well, just…
Just hang in there.
There are many fish in the sea.
Her loss.
If there's anything you need…
here I am.
Actually, I'm having this really crazy thought right now.
I'm sure you're going to be like, "What the hell is wrong with this guy?"
But let me throw you this curve and you can take it as you like, okay?
-José Luis… -Nah, I'm not going to throw it.
What is it?
-I'm not going to say. -What?
I have two tickets for a resort in Mauritius, leaving tomorrow.
To an exclusive resort. I was going to give them up…
But now listening to you, I'm thinking…
Even though we've barely talked, I think we get along really well, right?
So I'm just thinking…
why don't we go together?
You and I.
As friends, yeah, but intimate friends.
Well?
We have a deal or no deal? What do you say?
I say I have a husband, two kids, and actually I'd just come to ask
if I could have the money I gave you for the wedding back.
Got it.
If you give me your bank info, I'll transfer it this afternoon.
-Here it is. -Great.
[men whispering] He made a fool of himself.
He told me he got left at the altar.
[melancholy music playing]
TERESA CALLING
[voicemail] Hi. It's Teresa. I'm busy right now and I can't talk.
Leave a message and I'll call you back. Bye.
[disconnected tone]
[phone ringing]
Er…
-We're going. -[Mari Carmen] We'll have the best time…
[upbeat Spanish song playing]
AY 5607 MAURITIUS - C21
-Are you okay? -Huh?
We're this way.
-I know, Mom. -What's the matter with you?
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
[announcement over PA]
Hmm. Patrick Swayze. My god.
-Did you fasten your seat belt? -Yes.
-It's too loose. It should be tight. -It's loose?
Keep it like that. It could get really turbulent.
Are you nervous?
Nervous? I'm not nervous.
That'd be strange since you've flown so much.
Can you take one of those sleeping pills, please?
I won't take those 'cause I don't wanna mix.
-What do you mean? -A glass of champagne?
-That's very kind. Thank you very much. -I'm fine, thanks.
[bell rings]
[on PA] Welcome on board Flight AY 5607 heading to Mauritius Island.
Please fasten your seat belt…
-[exclaiming] -Mom, stop it.
…and prepare for takeoff.
-In a few hours… -Put that away.
-Leave it. -Turn it off.
I'm only checking to see if she posted.
-Who? -Teresa.
Listen to me, please. She ruined your wedding.
-You want to let her ruin your honeymoon? -Uh-huh.
-Put that phone down! -Stop touching my stuff!
-You're acting like a nightmare. -You're crazy.
Well, all right.
Hey, Mom…
Do you think…
-When we-- -Dirty Dancing!
[humming, singing along to film] ♪ …my life ♪
♪ …for me ♪
[humming]
[Mari Carmen chuckles]
[upbeat music playing]
Oh, my god. This is so beautiful.
Look at that, sweetie. Look at the girls with those skirts.
This is so nice, isn't it?
Wow, I'm dying.
Wow.
Yeah, me too.
It's very hot.
-Hello. -[host] Hello.
-[José Luis] We have a reservation. -First time here?
-Effectively. -Isn't he a handsome boy?
I bet we have a wonderful room.
We have a reservation under José Luis Panizo.
Great, here it is.
I see you booked the Lovers Suite.
-The package called Love is Eternal. -Love is Eternal.
-Congratulations. -Thank you.
-Oh, no! We're not… -Huh?
So you didn't book the lovers package?
-Yes, we booked this room… -Ah, okay.
You're going to absolutely love it, all right.
It comes with a lot of great gifts for the new couples.
-What do you mean? Gifts? -Yes, gifts, but…
Wait, not just gifts. Gifts and activities.
-I love activities. -Activities?
Can you shut up for a minute?
Let me tell you, all the activities we offer
are free of charge for our new couples. And exclusively for them.
That's what I'm trying to say. We're not actually a new couple.
Oh, of course not.
-No. -Couples? How could we be?
"New couple"! Can you imagine? No, no, no. Of course not.
Because, actually, we are now married.
Ahh.
Shut it.
-What? -You're my hubby now.
[host] We're going to take you to the Love Villa.
It's the most private villa we have for our couples.
[Mari Carmen] I don't know, girl. We're such romantic people.
My goodness.
[host] And the best is that your package includes the Matasa wedding.
[Mari Carmen] The Matasa wedding? What's that?
[host] It's our nuptial ceremony. On their last day on the island,
we offer the couples the chance
to marry on a private island we own.
That way, you can say you've been married according to our culture.
Right?
You're from the island too?
No, I'm from Cornellà.
The Honeymoon Suite!
Here you go.
Oh my goodness! I can't believe it.
Yes. And long live your marriage.
Oh, this is so wonderful.
I just can't believe this.
[gasps] Oh! Oh.
Do you happen to have something less romantic?
We're a low-key couple. We'd be just fine.
That's just you, my darling.
There is not one single room available on the whole island.
I promise you that.
-You don't have something else? -Dummy, everything is occupied.
That's because… we're in the season of love.
Don't you see that?
You've been really lucky to find this room.
Think about it.
This room is only, and exclusively, for enamored couples
who come here to celebrate their lives and their romance together.
Look, last year, I had to kick a couple out of this suite myself.
Because they weren't in love.
They were breaking the rules of the hotel.
I think it's good, really. I do.
Don't you think so?
New lovers want romance.
You don't want snoops.
Yeah, no. We also hate snoopers.
Would you both kindly come with me, please?
-No! -Jean-Pierre, throw the petals.
[José Luis] Don't bother with that.
-No… but, no. -Let him. Come on. It's lovely.
This is just the beginning.
Anything to make our lovebirds happy.
I want you to take a listen to this, please.
["Still Got the Blues" playing]
[chuckles] That's nice, huh?
[humming along with the music]
[humming]
Okay, yeah.
Actually we'd prefer to hear the sound of the ocean.
Thank you very much.
No, I can't take this.
This is truly offensive for me.
I promise you that. My only purpose here is to make your stay in this hotel
the most enjoyable you will ever have.
I want you to remember this trip forever.
-Trust me, it's unforgettable. -Okay. That's all the payment I need.
Let's go, Jean-Pierre.
Let's leave this couple to enjoy.
That's what we're here for.
Come on. Our job here is done. [chuckles]
-There are nice bathrobes! -Okay!
Yeeeah!
[host] I really like this song, Jean-Pierre.
[host humming]
-Have fun, okay? Enjoy your time here. -Yeah.
-Absolutely. -See you later.
-See you. -Bye.
[door bangs]
-[whispers] Oh, my god. -[Mari Carmen] Come in here with me!
Come join your mother in the bedroom!
[footsteps approach]
[sighs] It's the comfiest bed.
Listen. We're not doing this, okay.
-Do what? -Don't try to play dumb.
Oh god. Don't make such a big deal out of it.
We're not going to pretend to be husband and wife!
-Why? It's not believable? -It's disgusting.
Let me remind you, when you were a little boy everybody used to say,
"Your mom looks so young, she could be your sister."
Sleeping with your sister is also disgusting.
God, you're acting so silly.
Listen to me.
I'm not going to give up this amazing room.
-I mean it. -You wanted a vacation, now you have it.
What am I even doing here?
-Trying to overcome my grief. -Very well.
Since you're my mother, it'd be nice if you could respect that.
Just a thought.
When I try to tell you
that I need space, don't pester me with your chit-chat.
-Okay. -Seems like you forgot why we're here.
But right now, Mom…
I'm in a living hell.
["Still Got the Blues" playing]
[waves lapping]
♪ Used to be so easy ♪
♪ To give my heart away ♪
♪ But I found out the hard way ♪
[merengue music playing]
Please, mister.
A glass of sangria.
[in French] What?
-One glass of sangria. -[in French] I don't understand.
Yeah…
-Well, then… -[man] Try the daiquiri.
They do it really well.
Oh, well, then.
One daiquiri.
Daiquiri.
Armando.
Oh, Armando. I'm Mari Carmen.
-Enchanté, Mari Carmen. -[chuckles]
Oh, okay. [chuckles] Nice to meet you.
[in French] Enjoy.
Thank you.
Let's find out.
Hmm.
-Hmm. -Hmm.
Perfect. That's wonderful.
-[chuckles] Bye. -Did you come alone?
No, I'm here with… [hesitates]
With my husband.
Who?
That's him.
[Armando] Oh. [chuckles]
A young husband awaits you at the table.
-Hmm. -And a daiquiri at the bar.
You know how to live life, Mari Carmen.
-I try though. [chuckles] -[chuckles]
-Thank you. I'm going to join my husband. -Sure.
-Bye bye then. -Bye.
-[chuckles] Oh! -Sorry, ma'am.
[Mari Carmen] Pardon.
I just crashed into this guy. [sighs]
Hmm.
You have no idea how tasty this is.
Daiquiri.
-You want a little sip? -No.
No? Okay, we gotta plan all these activities.
Where do we start? What do you think?
We'll do whatever I feel like because I'm the one suffering. Got it?
Right now, what I really want to do
is to lie down by myself with a drink and do some thinking.
I want to reflect on what happened because it was messed up.
You hearing me?
I'm going to make us some sandwiches. For the outing.
Because with this kind of thing,
you never know when you're going to eat.
I'll put some sliced avocados in there because you really like that.
[voicemail] Hi. It's Teresa. I'm busy right now and I can't talk.
Leave a message and I'll call you back. Bye.
God damn it.
-[Mari Carmen] Hi. -[men] Hi.
[playing upbeat tune]
You won't notice me, okay?
I'll be here, very still and silent.
Like a cold, dead body.
Which I know is what you'd like me to be.
[chuckles] Let's see.
[clears throat] Want some?
Just a little?
Just a little bit. I can do it. You won't notice.
You want me to?
I'll come do it.
You really do need a mother to look after you.
There you go, kiddo.
Like that.
Hmm.
Yeah, that's it.
[chuckles softly]
I'm waiting for you to finish!
-I am. -You just… You… You have no boundaries.
-All right. -It's just exhausting, Mom!
[sighs]
Oh. You have a little…
Don't leave it like that.
-All right, all right, all right… -[groans]
You had a big white patch on your face. Come on.
[sighs]
What is this?
I'm getting some sun.
-I'm not comfortable with you like that! -Oh my God!
All right, so if can't sunbathe,
I can't do any of these wonderful activities for couples
that they describe in the brochures, explain what I can do.
-You want to do something together? -Of course!
Let's do something together, then leave me alone. Agreed?
-Yes. -Great. Let's go on that outing.
Ah!
Look, here it comes.
-[horn beeps] -[engine switches off]
-This is the bus we're taking on the trip? -I guess so.
It's a pretty shitty bus. I don't know if I want to do this.
[Mari Carmen] Oh, God, you're such a pain.
[ethereal music playing]
[guide] Hello, people. Who is here for a good quad excursion?
[upbeat music playing]
-[engines roaring] -[screaming, chuckling]
[guide] Pay attention, everybody!
Attention! Everybody, pay attention to me!
Our first road ends in a kilometer.
Then after that we'll follow the cliff on foot…
On foot.
Northbound.
To the north! To the north!
To the north!
And then you'll try the best rum on this island.
Do you like rum?
Yes, I really like it!
-Yeah! -I can't hear you!
Do you like some rum?
-Yeah! -[tourists] Yes!
The rum place is at the other side of the cliff.
Right next to a sugarcane field.
Miss, I do have one question.
Is this all included?
Uh, what are you saying?
It's the best rum on the island. If it's not included, we'll pay.
Yeah, yeah. It's all included, honey.
Thank you, darling.
-Of course it's included. -You can't know…
I paid, all-inclusive.
Take a photo of that. I have to ask her something.
-Sara, right? -Yeah.
José Luis. Nice to meet you. Your outing's really cool.
It's nice to meet you.
Taking a trip?
-Yes, I'm with my… -Our… anniversary.
-Yeah, right. -Oh, that's nice.
-Take the photo. Look at the cliff. -I'm going.
She's my mother. I took her on vacation. She's such a pain!
It's very nice of you to take a trip with your mother.
-Yes. It's a pain, but beautiful too. -I'm glad.
-Me too-- -Okay!
Time to try that rum!
-Do you like rum? -Me? Love it.
-Really? -Always have.
-Do you like it? -I love it.
Because I don't like it if you don't.
From now on, I'll only like whatever you like.
-Okay? -José.
-[chuckles] Yeah? -[José Luis] Yeah.
Let's not keep it waiting, so that we won't stop liking it.
-We won't stop. -Just in case.
[chuckles]
-Let's go. -Oh, my god.
-What are you doing, Mom? -Let's go.
-Get over here. -Let's go!
-[Sara] Are you ready for more fun? -Let me spray… for mosquitoes.
Stop spraying that.
-I don't want this. -Come on. Don't be so fussy.
Get on. Everyone's leaving right now.
-No, they're not. -Yes, they're leaving.
Climb on. [groans]
-Try holding on like a normal person? -Let's go.
[whoa]
[José Luis] Try moving your leg. It's slipping.
[Mari Carmen] It's fine right here.
-Don't drive so fast! -I'm trying to catch up.
We'll find them, eventually.
This is not the right way. This is not the right way.
[Mari Carmen] What now?
[José Luis] We lost them, because of you.
[Mari Carmen] Is it this way… Or that way?
Why are you holding my hand like this, Mom?
Jesus, just let me.
You can walk in front of me.
Oh. [sighs]
Hello?
Hello? [voice echoes]
-It must've been the other path. -It was not the other path.
Looks like there are people here.
See? Told you it was this way.
Look at this.
This place is as sketchy as your Uncle Alfredo.
[faint music playing on speakers]
[José Luis] Where'd the group go?
[Mari Carmen] Um, we got here before them.
Or after?
And they've left all because of you.
Let's go to the bar.
[Mari Carmen] Oh! [chuckles]
[indistinct chatter]
-[José Luis] Hello. -[Mari Carmen] Hello.
My friend. [chuckles]
One rum.
No, two.
Two rum.
No, better. Make it four.
Four rum. Four rum.
Four.
Why four?
It's all free.
I'm not sure this is the right place though.
God, you're boring.
[moans] My friend.
Here, drink it.
I'm not drinking it.
Go ahead. Just drink it. This is a tasting, so taste it.
Come on, taste it.
Good.
What the fuck is this?
Let's get out of here, please!
Hold on. We gotta check this place out, right?
-I've seen it. We can go. -All right.
-Thank you. -Bye, now.
Let's get out of here.
Hey.
Where's the money?
No. No, no. No money, no. This is free.
The two of us…
With the group. This…
This is free, no?
[in French] You pay.
-What did he say? -I told you!
No way. You're not paying anything.
You paid enough already.
This is all included.
-This is not the place though! -Whatever.
[in French] You pay!
Okay, no touching.
-Don't touch my son! -Don't stand up for me.
I can do it myself.
[in French] What happened is that the group…
[music stops]
They're going to kill you!
[in French] Of course I pay.
[in French] You pay!
[customers, in French] More.
-Okay? -More.
I pay this.
No, more.
I pay this.
-More! -I pay this?
More!
-I pay this? -More.
-I pay this. -More!
Pay this. That's it.
-More! -Pay this…
Cut it out with "pay this." There it is. That's enough.
[cheering, applause]
[man, in French] That's good.
[José Luis] See, Mom. Because of you we paid 400 for a few drinks.
Yes, hon, you're right.
Whatever you say. Why don't you eat something?
-Come on. -Mom, let me be clear.
We've done something together. Now leave me alone, all right?
-I don't want to leave the hotel! -Don't call me Mom!
I don't want them to take away my room, you understand?
There are no other rooms on the whole island.
We leave in a week so just sleep with me.
Oh, god damn. She's looking now. Let's pretend.
Look at me. Look at me and smile. Smile.
Yeah, more. Look at me like this.
Here, just kiss me.
[quietly] What?
-Kiss me on the mouth. -I don't know what…
-Right. Like this. -What did you say?
-[groans] -What's up with you, lovebirds? Huh?
-So, how's dinner going? -It's great.
Look, I wanted to tell you that we're doing a competition
for all of our couples. What do you think?
Want to participate?
-Of course! -I don't think so.
Hey, you. Don't answer so quickly!
I haven't told you the prize yet.
-There's a prize? -Of course there is!
See, the prize is a trip
to visit the ocean floor.
The ocean floor! Oh, honey, the ocean floor!
Mom…
Mon amour.
What's on the ocean floor? We kinda know what's there.
Fish and algae. Why go?
[chuckles] Sign us both up.
[host] Attention.
Each couple
has to bring the papaya…
[couples gasp]
…from this place
to the other place.
But, attention!
Without using your hands.
[in French] You know?
Understand?
[in French] Without using your hands.
[Mari Carmen] What did she say?
She's saying it's impossible, let's go.
What? No, we can figure it out.
[in French] One, two, three.
Let's go!
Go. Come on! Let's go!
Mom, stop…
[Spanish song playing]
[shouting, cheering]
I don't want to!
-Take the papaya! -I don't know what you're saying!
I said take the papaya!
[Mari Carmen] Hurry!
Go. Hurry up!
-[José Luis] Don't break it! -I'm coming!
[groans]
Ugh. You kissed me!
-[Mari Carmen] Hurry! -[song ends]
The ocean floor is going to be just spectacular.
Okay. I'm going to go take a shower.
Why such a long face, kiddo?
-Cheer up, we won! -No, I didn't win at all.
You just won't listen.
I don't want games. I don't want any trips.
You make me do dumb things that make me feel ridiculous.
Sorry, son, for trying to make you feel a little better.
Yeah, but you can't.
Because I was dumped at the altar.
I know. I know, honey. I know.
No, you don't know.
[sighs]
I know what you're trying to do, but this isn't working for me.
I'm not doing well.
Because this whole thing's messed me up.
Uh-huh.
And having you on my back doesn't help.
Stop drinking the tap water. You'll get diarrhea.
See. You never listen! Fuck the tap water!
Look, I'm drinking. [gulps]
Look, now I'm drinking.
-Nothing's happening! -Same bad temper as your father.
That happens when someone spends 40 years with you!
[bangs glass]
You know why Teresa never wanted to go to your house?
Because you're exhausting!
You're so exhausting!
You're right.
I'm so exhausting.
Where are you going? You leaving?
This is the first time I've got out of my house in years.
I'm not planning on cooping up in this room… with you.
[sighs]
[Ángel] Is everything okay?
Hello.
Yeah, everything's fine. I just… How are you? Everything good?
Everything's great. I'm doing a still life with pears.
Are you guys having fun? How's our son?
Oh, bad. He's so bad.
It's just that he… It breaks my heart to see him like this.
[groans] Just give him time.
But the thing is…
He won't relax enough to enjoy the nice things here.
You couldn't possibly imagine how beautiful it is out here. [sighs]
Oh, Ángel,
I wish we could've come here when we were young.
Oh, my love, do you…
ever think about the two of us together?
Huh? What do you mean?
Well, do you ever think
about us, when we were young, before we got married?
I do… a lot.
Are you with me or the damn pears?
Er, I'm running out of light here!
Whatever. Goodbye, then.
[sighs]
Pears!
Such a dumbass!
One daiquiri.
[sighs]
-Make it two. -Oh God! You scared me!
[both chuckle]
Bonsoir, Mari Carmen.
-So, how are you? -Fine. And you?
-I'm fine. I'm fine. -Good.
Where's your husband?
He's home.
No, not home. He's in the room, I mean…
-He's painting a… painting. -Right now?
Yeah. How about you, sir?
Oh! [chuckles]
Don't "sir" me, please.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you alone, or is your wife joining you?
No, there's no wife.
-Oh, no? -They tend to grow tired of me.
I doubt that.
-Why's that? -I didn't say anything.
[both chuckle]
I'm here doing some work.
Oh.
I'm a photographer.
-A photographer? -Yes.
Oh, I love that! That's so nice.
[speaking French]
Come again?
I love this sky.
Those are some big fat stars, huh?
[chuckles]
This is a really beautiful world.
-Huh? -Hmm.
Let's drink to this exquisite moment.
[speaking French]
-[chuckles] -What?
I mean, "cheers."
Oh, all right. Salut, salut.
-We say "toast." -Toast.
Yeah. Toast. Toast to life.
[Calvin] Monsieur, Madame.
[speaking French]
-Merci. Okay, merci. -Merci. Merci.
Well, they're kicking us out.
-Already? It's so early. -Yeah.
Oh my god. Such a shame. This tastes so good.
-Give me a second, hmm? -Mm.
[Armando speaking French]
[speaking French]
[giggles]
[host] Don't speak to me in Creole!
No. Because you know it confuses me.
Diving helmet. Think diving helmet.
Dolphins.
Zip line.
-Because we had problems-- -Hi.
Oh, this guy!
The king of the papaya. Did you have fun?
-We really did, yeah. -You did?
Have you seen the lady who is traveling with me?
You mean your wife?
-My wife. -No, I haven't.
But just now, a really cute girl came in here asking about you.
There she is. Right over there.
So much fun in your life…
Here are the documents.
Hmm.
She was the guide for our trip.
Oh! But I didn't say anything.
God, heaven forbid. It's none of my business, right?
Can you come here for a moment, please?
Come, just a second.
Do you know why I'm working in reception here?
No.
A few years back, when I first arrived on this island
I fell deeply in love with a certain fellow.
You know the drill. We had a good time so I took him back to Cornellà with me.
So, fast forward six months…
And he'd sunken my whole entire family into bankruptcy.
Every one of us ruined.
-That's horrible. -Life's such a fucking bitch
that now I'm forced to slave away here at reception.
Purely to pay off the mortgage on my house in Cornellà,
while this deadbeat guy's still there living like a king, like a maharaja.
So I think, "How could you be stupid enough to fall for that, Montse?"
It's not my fault.
I swear that it wasn't my fault.
It's something about this island.
It bewitches you, I think.
It has a bizarre kind of energy.
I swear, it's got a strange frequency.
It gives a… [buzzing]
…that makes you want to sleep with other people.
I'm telling you now. Okay?
Every time I think about the island,
I just want to burn this whole motherfucker.
Along with that piece of shit con artist who ruined my whole life.
Do you understand?
Er…
[Sara] Okay, so I was saying,
you are such a nice couple.
We will take so many pictures.
Can I go now?
Of course! All this is here for your pleasure and enjoyment.
Have yourself some fun.
[Sara] I can divert this…
Whatever you want.
Joel, Monica, nice to meet you.
Make love, have some fun.
Au revoir.
Okay. What am I going to do now?
Sara!
José Luis, how are you?
Thanks so much.
-For what? -You didn't file a complaint.
Why would I? It was our fault.
No, it wasn't. It was on me,
because before I knew it, you were gone and at the wrong bar.
-I'm sorry. -Not at all. We got lost.
And then my Mom and I made fools of ourselves. Don't worry.
[tummy gurgling]
Okay. You can repeat the trip anytime.
-Okay? -Okay.
All right.
You know, I'm more…
[tummy rumbling]
Tell me you didn't drink the tap water.
-The tap water? No. -Uh-huh?
Everybody knows not to drink from the tap. Always from bottles.
-No. -Doesn't matter where, right. New York…
Los Angeles, the fjords. Have you been to the fjords?
Yeah, they're boring as shit.
-I've never been there, but I love-- -[tummy rumbling]
…the fjords. [straining]
-Love them. -[loud rumble]
Okay.
[rumbling continues]
It's nice to know that you love something.
-[rumbling] -Yeah… [groans]
[rumbling gets louder]
I'm staying here.
Are you staying or leaving?
-No, I was just leaving. -Right.
-You sure you're okay? -Yeah.
Well, see you.
-Okay. Ciao! -Bye.
-Bye bye.
Adios!
My number's at the reception.
Hm. Oh, my god.
-[rumbling] -[groaning]
-Hello. -[rumbling]
What're you doing here?
What am I doing here?
Okay, do you take me for a massive idiot?
I know very well what's going on here.
[rumbling continues]
All right. I have to get in there. We'll talk later.
No. We're talking right now.
[loud rumble]
You two are not just any ordinary couple.
Okay, you caught us. I really have to go.
You're a sexually liberated couple.
[passes wind]
One, glance. Two, touch. Three, frolic. Huh?
Eh? But, you know, I don't care.
-If you knew the freaky shit I've seen-- -Gotta hit the toilet.
-Oh. -[thud]
Do you want a… massage?
Mm…
Mm, what?
♪ Used to be so easy ♪
♪ To give my heart away ♪
♪ But I've found out the hard way ♪
♪ There's a price you have to pay ♪
♪ I found out that love… ♪
-[loud dance music playing] -[Mari Carmen chuckles] Oh!
[Armando] Careful. Look out for him.
-Oh, this is so nice! -Yes, it is.
[Mari Carmen] I love it.
[Calvin] Hey. [in French] How are you, dear?
But… are you sure we're allowed to be here?
Of course we are. We're his guests.
-Okay, okay. -Let's grab a drink.
-Look, there are people there. -It's nice, isn't it?
It's wonderful.
-Bonsoir, Mari Carmen. -Thank you very much.
[chatting indistinctly]
Great. Thanks so much, man.
Oh my goodness! It's been so long since I was at a party with so many people.
[chuckles] They haven't changed much, you know?
Yeah, but I have.
-What are you saying? -Hmm.
You look fabulous.
Er… I'm going to go get a daiquiri.
[chuckles]
Ah. [chuckles]
I was looking for you. I couldn't find you.
-Here. -No, I don't smoke.
Neither do I.
What?
This isn't tobacco.
-Oh. -Relax, this is really good.
They sell it at the street market on the island.
-No, I haven't… -Enjoy.
-I've never taken drugs. No, no, no. -But…
But this isn't a drug. It's just a little bit of weed.
It's called Green Emerald.
-Really? -It's a typical thing here.
-Here. -No, I can't. I just can't.
-It's too embarrassing, really. -Mari Carmen.
You're on a tropical island.
In the middle of the ocean.
No one knows you here, right?
Enjoy it.
Okay, I'll do it.
[both chuckle]
I don't know.
Let's see.
There you go.
[funky music playing]
[rattling]
[rattling continues]
[rattling gets louder]
[man] Maybe it's not the right key?
Who locked the door?
-Mari Carmen. -[Mari Carmen] Open up.
Lady! Open the door! It's me. Oh!
[chuckles] Howdy…
Hi.
I stole this donut. Look at this.
I can see that.
[chuckling]
-Do you want to take it? Here. -No.
Take it. It's for you.
[humming]
I just wanted to make sure she made it back here okay.
She's not okay.
I'm going to play some music.
-This is so boring. -All right.
Don't worry. It's her honeymoon.
A little fun doesn't hurt anyone.
Excuse me, who are you?
[slurred speech] He's Armando, a friend of mine.
Nice to meet you.
You too.
Thank you very much.
-You're welcome. -Good night. Bye.
-So? -So?
Where have you been?
I've been out.
What do you mean? Out of the hotel?
God damn it, Mom. That could be dangerous.
Oh, my son. Look at him, worrying about his mama.
-Are you drunk? -My pretty boy.
-What did you drink? -Nothing.
My ass. Let me smell your breath.
Ah….
Mom, you smell like pot.
Did you smoke?
-[laughs] -What are you, fifteen?
-Go to bed! -Oh!
-"Oh, oh, oh." To bed! -All right, all right.
Yeah, I'm going to bed.
[humming]
No, no more. Come on.
[groans]
I'm glad you had fun with this man we know nothing about.
His name is Armando, okay? He's a photographer.
-I don't care what he is. -Oh, gosh…
I can be a pain in the ass, but you, my son…
are a real doofus.
[laughs] It's no wonder Teresa left you because…
[chuckles] …you are a…
[chuckling] You are as boring as hell.
[chuckling] I'm peeing.
I peed my panties!
[laughing hysterically]
[melancholy music playing]
[snoring]
[voicemail] Hi. It's Teresa. I'm busy right now and I can't talk.
Leave a message and I'll call you back. Bye.
-[waves lapping] -[insects chirping]
So?
A bit of a hangover?
Happy nights, sad mornings.
[party music playing]
-Daiquiri. -Daiquiri.
-Hey! -Hello.
Bye bye!
-Calvin. -Bonjour, Mari Carmen.
How's the dermatitis?
-[in French] What? -The skin on your elbow.
[winces]
Uff, that looks really bad.
Let me give you this lotion.
It's great, from the Discount Mart.
I mean, Discount Mar… here? No?
Discount Mart?
Huh? Whatever. Okay. Here.
For you.
-For you. -[in French] Thank you.
Apply it there and you'll see.
God bless you, Mari Carmen.
Oh, what a night…
Mari Carmen!
Hi.
You gonna tell me what you did last night?
I'd love to, but I remember absolutely nothing.
[chuckles]
Nothing.
[José Luis] You shouldn't go out alone.
Are you really telling me this now?
No, I mean that…
Next time you go out, you don't need to do it alone.
I don't follow you.
I mean, you're right though.
'Cause doing stuff will do me good.
Sorry, but I don't…
I don't know what you mean exactly, my son.
Help me have a good time the way you do.
-Are you serious? -Yes. Let's do stuff together.
-Really? -Yeah.
Well, get ready. Because it's going to be fabulous.
[funky music playing]
So buying drugs is the wild thing you want to do right now?
It's not drugs. It's just a little weed.
Like arugula or radishes.
Yeah, like marijuana?
It sounds worse when you put it like that, but it's not…
Wait and see how good it makes you feel.
-You'll feel so good. -What's the strain called?
[in French] Green Emerald.
We can buy it here?
Yeah, at some stall.
Which one? There's a million stalls.
We just have to ask around.
Sure, Mom.
We can't be asking around like that.
We'll get arrested. We'll end up on Locked Up Abroad.
-What? -You don't think?
Of course not. We just need to be careful.
Oh my God!
What is it?
That cucumber is huge.
It's insane!
This cucumber?
-Papaya. Take it. -No.
Not papaya. Not papaya.
[in French] Green Emerald.
[in Creole] What?
You tell her.
[in French] Green Emerald?
Eh…
[speaking Creole]
[Mari Carmen] Oh!
[man] Bonjour.
-Hi. -Is this the…?
-[in French] Good morning. -Hello, my friend.
-Er… -[in French] Green. Green emerald?
-Please, Mom, let me talk. -You're too nervous.
-You could use some weed. -They don't understand you. Let me do it.
[in French] Green Emerald, please.
-[in French] Green Emerald? -[in French] Yes.
He's laughing. Let's see what he gives us.
Maybe he'll bring us something special. [chuckles]
-[Mari Carmen] That's it! -[José Luis] This is it?
-This is it, okay? -Yeah. Pay the man.
-[in French] For you. The money. -Thank you.
-That's it? -Do you want a receipt? Move, go!
-So, is this…? -Hold on, I think this…
This is oregano.
-No, it can't be oregano. -It is.
-You know what oregano smells like. -It's herbal but it's not oregano.
[Mari Carmen] It is.
[in French] Excuse me!
Look. Here he comes.
He noticed he gave us the wrong bag with oregano.
[in French] You like Green Emerald?
-What's he saying? -He's asking if we like it.
-It's great for pizza. Super tasty. -[both chuckle]
[in French] Yes.
-[in French] It's good. -We like. Yes.
For pizza, good.
Pizza good.
[in Spanish] Perfect.
-Perfect. -[in French] You're under arrest.
Both of you.
[comical music playing]
[music stops]
[man laughing drunkenly]
[indistinct shouting]
[women arguing]
-[bangs on gate] -[arguing stops]
Okay, I hope you've chilled a little.
Actually, that…
That didn't turn out well.
No shit. Do you know we could get 50 years for drug dealing?
Drug dealing? Don't overreact! Please, come on.
We'll just pay a fine and get released.
Well, this is my honeymoon.
Great.
You haven't told me what happened to you yet.
-With what? -With Teresa.
Come on, you know.
She left me with our wedding DJ. What else can I tell you?
Those things don't happen overnight.
There had to be something else, right?
How were things between you?
Not so great.
We didn't get along too well,
but we didn't argue too much.
Now that I think about it, she'd been acting weird for a while.
But so was I, so I mean…
I didn't think it was important.
Then I had the brilliant idea of getting married.
Why?
She always said she wanted to get married and…
-You know? -Did you?
Did you want to?
I didn't care either way.
Really.
But I thought,
"Shit. That's what couples do."
They go through stages.
It can't be fun and happy all the time.
-Right? -[chuckles]
What? It's true.
You move together, you marry, you have kids.
That's the way relationships are built.
No, honey, no.
That's how you hide all of your problems.
Full-on psychologist mode?
I'm not in that mode.
But experience is a great teacher, honey.
Things didn't go too bad for you and Dad.
You've been together since forever, and it works fine.
Your father… [scoffs]
He cheated me.
He cheated on you?
No, I mean that he actually cheated me in life.
At first,
we went out a lot. He gave me rides on his motorbike.
I don't know. We went places, you know?
-We used to dance. -Dad used to dance?
-He used to. -No way.
[chuckles]
He was good, you know? He handled himself.
Yeah, yeah.
Then we got married and it was gone.
Never again.
Our lives were just working…
the house,
eating,
sleeping…
Well, and now painting.
[women arguing]
-Stop it, please! -[arguing continues]
Will you shut up? You're giving me a headache!
Sorry, sorry, madam.
[sighs]
Honey, what happened to you and Teresa was meant to happen.
-You spent a fortune on the wedding, but… -Fuck, I did.
You spared yourself years of suffering.
[metal clangs]
You have the right to one phone call.
-Who do we call? Dad? -Your father…
If he mediates, we'll get a life sentence.
Fuck.
What do we do?
-Let me call. -Who are you calling?
A new friend.
The gray-haired guy?
-The French photographer I met. -But…
Okay, call him, since we're here because of him.
Let's see. What was…?
The hotel… Oh, right.
No.
Right. [clears throat]
Hello?
Yes, please. Could you connect me to Armando?
The French photographer.
What?
Oh.
Okay. Thank you. Bye.
So?
He's… not at the hotel.
Shit. What do we do?
I don't know.
I don't know anybody else on the island.
-Hold on. I do. -Huh?
[phone rings]
Sara's Adventures. Hello?
Hi Sara. It's José Luis.
Hey! José Luis, how are you?
Great.
Well, more like okay.
Um, actually, my mother and I are in jail.
What?
-What did you do? -Yeah.
-We were… -[Mari Carmen] Buying drugs!
[José Luis] Mom, shut up, please.
We tried to get Green Emerald for my mom.
-[Mari Carmen] For both of us. -Okay.
[José Luis chuckles] Could you bail us out of here, please?
Ooh! I'm with some tourists. I have to take them on a water outing.
[José Luis] Yes, of course.
Someone who lives here has to get us out, you know.
-I'm coming to get you. -Really? Shit.
-I owe you. -[Mari Carmen] Thanks, beautiful!
-José Luis. -What?
-Do you have a swimsuit? -Huh?
["Crash" by The Primitives playing]
[José Luis] I don't like this! This is worse than jail!
Stop!
[Sara] Great job. You're doing fine! Whoa.
[laughing and cheering]
-[Sara] Wow. -[José Luis] Stop it!
Oh my goodness. Try no hands!
No! Tell him to stop! Stop!
-What? What? -What? What?
It's going too fast!
-What? -No more!
-He said, "More, more!" -Okay.
Full speed, captain! Come on!
-[engine accelerates] -[José Luis screaming]
[José Luis screaming]
No! Stop! Stop!
Stop it!
[Mari Carmen] Oh no!
[laughing]
[Mari Carmen] Where is he? Oh.
Wait.
[music ends]
[moaning] Oh, boy.
[groans]
-What the actual fuck? -[Sara] José Luis!
Hey!
Are you okay?
Everything's fine.
I'm perfectly fine.
-[Mari Carmen screams] -What?
[groaning]
Two jellyfish.
[shouts]
[groans]
["Crash" by The Primitives playing]
[chuckling] Don't panic, huh?
That… That… That was, uh…
[groans]
["Crash" by The Primitives continues]
Come on.
I can't do the moves.
Come on. Trust me.
[Mari Carmen sighs] See?
This is what I wanted to do with my life.
To travel, to meet people,
to see the world.
-[José Luis] So why didn't you? -[chuckles]
It's not that that easy, son.
But I tried, believe me.
I was, like, 16 or so,
and one time I ran away from home.
When you ran away, where did you want to go?
To Ibiza.
-Ibiza? -Yeah.
He preferred Pontevedra.
Oh, sure. No wonder.
Dad's so crazy about seafood, right?
No, not your dad. My first boyfriend, from Galicia.
-From Galicia? -Hmm.
You had a boyfriend before Dad?
Of course, and Dad had a girlfriend.
And when we met, we broke up with them.
But why didn't I know any of this stuff?
Because I had a life before I met you, my darling.
I mean, yeah, I figured but you've never told me these stories.
It turns out I know nothing about you.
Well, I know everything about you.
-Excuse me? -You heard me.
A son has no secrets from his mom, sweetie.
Mom, don't make me laugh.
Okay, I didn't run away from home but I've had stories.
And I know all of them.
Mom, you don't know shit about me.
Okay, so, you don't think
I know more things about you than you know about me?
-Of course not. -You wanna bet?
This game is about who knows the other better.
[Mari Carmen] Mm.
You miss, you drink. You don't answer, you have to drink.
-If I get it right? -I have to drink.
Very well then.
You'll get so hammered you won't remember anything after tonight.
I'll go easy on the first one. What was my first job?
That's a piece of cake.
Computer technician at Gerardo's law office.
You were totally underpaid
and that bastard used to touch your ass.
Correct. Shit. That was super easy.
Drink.
So, what was my first job, then?
Mom, you can't start by asking a trick question. It's obvious.
You've never had a job.
Salesperson in a perfume shop.
-No way. -When I was 17.
Drink up.
I hadn't been born back then. That's not fair.
You could've asked about it at any point in your life, right?
Just to get to know your mom.
Drink up.
[upbeat music playing]
Ah. Drink up.
All right.
That was too much.
Here, drink up.
Okay, fuck it.
-When did I lose my virginity? -When?
Or to whom?
Suit yourself. You don't know.
True. It's so private.
I don't know… Hmm.
To Inés, the neighbor on the third floor, at age 19,
when your father and I went to Salobreña on vacation.
How did you know that?
Because of the look you had on your face.
Come on. Drink up.
Okay. You've won the game. Congratulations.
What? Go ahead and ask me.
Ask you what? When did you lose yours?
For example.
Mm mmm.
-It's obvious it wasn't to Dad. -No.
The Galician guy?
[chuckles]
I'm not telling you, not a chance.
-Why? -I don't want to.
Look at this.
There.
No.
Mom, this is bullshit!
Let's go.
-No, listen to me. -What?
-That was cheating. -I'm not cheating.
I mean it. Did I tell you or did I tell you?
I don't know what you told me.
A son has no secrets from his mother.
Whatever, but tell me your secret.
-I'm not telling you. I'm not. -Damn.
But…
there's something…
So there's something. I knew it. What?
Six months ago,
they found a lump on my breast.
I was… so terrified.
Why didn't you tell me?
I didn't want to worry you.
So what, you went alone?
I went alone.
I don't need anybody for that.
What did they tell you?
-It was a false alarm. -You're certain?
Totally certain.
[sighs deeply]
-Dad didn't realize it? -No.
The man's totally brain-dead.
No, nobody realized anything.
Nobody.
I promise you, this'll be the trip of your life.
It already is.
[party music playing]
[Sara] Hey, José Luis!
-Excuse me. -Looking good!
-Hey! -How's it going?
Better than the last time you saw me.
-Are you alone? -Not alone.
Look who's with me.
Over there. Look at her.
-Dancing "La cucaracha." -[Sara chuckles]
You two never cease to amaze me.
You want one?
Okay.
Whoa!
Another one for you?
No, I have a trip tomorrow and I don't want a hangover.
Where are you going tomorrow?
Want to come?
Sure, shit, of course I do.
Oh! Tomorrow? I can't tomorrow.
Fuck, I can't. I'm going with my mom to see the ocean floor.
It's all right. It's all right.
See you, José!
[music continues]
Sara! Sara!
I think my mother would like it by herself too.
Are you sure?
Yeah, sure. She'll understand.
Yeah, let's go on the trip.
Take the earplugs, you might get tinnitus.
What? No, I'm fine.
-She's nice, isn't she? -Who?
Who do you think? Sara.
Oh… yeah.
She's cute.
What's wrong?
What's wrong? Nothing.
Yeah, right.
It's just that Teresa was also very nice too.
Why are you mentioning Teresa now?
Take the earplugs, or you'll forget and get tinnitus eventually, and…
What? Come on, Mom. Tinnitus?
All right, then.
-[José Luis] Where's my red shirt? -[mumbles]
[peaceful music playing]
[Sara] This is my favorite place on the island.
[José Luis] I can see why. It's really beautiful.
You had fun with your mom yesterday, right?
Holy shit.
The amount she can drink is not natural.
You two seem very close.
Well, we have our moments.
How about you and your parents?
Well, my father and I haven't been on speaking terms for a while.
-Really? -Hm.
-I'm sorry. -Don't worry. He's an asshole.
I love that you get along with your parents.
I mean… not that well with my mother.
We fight all the time.
But, actually, these days,
I'm connecting with her again a lot more.
You wanna swim?
Yes, come on! Let's go!
[Spanish song playing]
[song ends]
[Armando] Don't you dare move a muscle, Mari Carmen.
[gasps] Oh, my God!
What are you doing here?
You know the ocean floor, it's one of my favorite places.
-Yes. -What are you doing here?
Well I earned this at a competition, you know.
With my husband.
-And he didn't wanna come with you? -No.
But I don't need anybody. I don't.
And I wouldn't miss this for the world, of course.
So, here I am. [chuckles]
[peaceful music playing]
Now I'm staying in a studio apartment at Tamarin.
And you live by yourself?
Yes. Why?
Nothing, it's just that…
I'm always amazed by people who live by themselves.
-I've never lived by myself. -Really?
I moved from my parents' house to live with my girlfriend. I've never been alone.
Is there anyone waiting for you?
No.
I mean,
we broke up recently.
But it wasn't a big deal.
I'm not husband material.
This is spectacular.
You're lucky to live here all the time.
Well, it's not that great.
During the off season, the island is empty.
And during the high season,
it's full of tourists who just want to fuck you.
That sounds fucking awesome.
Yeah, I love it.
[chuckles]
Guys can be a real pain in the ass. I get that, you know.
You're not a pain.
Everybody lies so they can be with you.
They say they don't have a girlfriend, they're not married,
they have an open relationship…
I don't give a shit about their lives!
If they want to have sex, let's have sex.
But why do men have that stupid habit of hiding stuff?
No idea.
-No, lying is wrong. -Right?
Hey, Sara.
Yeah?
[Sara] And so… here we are.
You know something? I really loved that cove.
With the little boat and the fish… I liked all of it.
Let's do it again.
-What are you doing tomorrow? -[both chuckle]
Oh, look…
There.
Is that your mom?
[Sara] Who's that with her?
It's Armando, a guy she met here.
Hmm.
What did I say about lying tourists?
Yeah… What did you say? I can't remember.
[chuckles] Not all of them take advantage of the guides.
Some others target rich women.
Yeah, right.
My mom looks like many things, but absolutely not a rich lady.
Think about it.
A woman who's married to a younger man,
and who's staying in the very best resort on Mauritius…
She's rich.
Anyway… You were saying?
Er…
Come on. Let's do something together.
[Montse] Good evening.
Jean-Pierre, go with the couple, please.
-Good evening. -Hi, good evening.
-Let me ask you something. -Yes?
That man…
do you know him?
I can't say. You know?
Okay. But can you tell me if you've ever seen him around? Is he a tourist?
No, I can't really say, you know?
Hmm.
So you want money?
Um…
What are you doing?
Is this a tip or a bribe?
Because, as tips go, it's not bad,
but as a bribe it's absolute bullshit, you know?
A bribe for you.
That's nice. I love being bribed.
People don't bribe anymore. The art of bribing is getting lost.
Some time ago, we hosted a big movie star, whose name I can't say.
The thing is, she'd just broken up with Brad Pitt,
so she came with an enormous pack of kids…
Do you think that lady booked the VIP Suite?
No, she didn't.
She stayed at the Junior Suite with all her kids packed in.
I felt so sorry for her. I really wanted to tell her,
"Angelina, please, come on, do better."
But the name?
Angelina Jolie. There, I said it.
Me and my big mouth.
That man! Who is that man?
Oh, but I don't know who that man is! I don't.
He's not a guest at the hotel. I don't know who he is.
I didn't get to tell the part where Angelina tried to bribe me.
[Mari Carmen] I had no idea what they were saying.
[Mari Carmen and Armando chatting indistinctly]
[indistinct chatter]
[Mari Carmen] I can't get it out of my head.
[Sara] What are we doing?
Spying on my mother.
Come on. Let's go. This is pointless. Some plant just pricked my ass.
-Really? With Photoshop? -Yes. We can take pictures.
-Okay, but make me look… -Hi. What's up?
Hello. How are you, my love?
I actually want to talk to you, Mom.
[Armando] Mom?
Is he not your husband?
-No, well, it's funny… -[José Luis] You haven't told him?
No, I'm her son.
Her husband is another man, who's my father, who's back at home.
-You do remember who is who, right? -Of course.
Would you excuse us?
Come here.
Yeah, okay. Excuse me.
Okay, what's going on?
This guy, he's a scammer, Mom.
This person's name is Armando.
And he's a gentleman…
whose only crime's been extreme kindness to me since I got here.
That's more than you've done for me.
Okay, can't you see?
Tell me why this man who's younger than you,
and looks like he's from a shampoo commercial for silver foxes,
-would be into someone like you? -Someone like me?
Geez, Mom, yeah. Do I really have to spell it out?
[Armando] I think you're mistaken.
Your mother and I are just friends.
See?
Come on, Armando. I know you're not staying at the hotel.
Of course not. I'm a freelancer.
I can't afford it.
Are you keeping up the "super cool photographer" crap?
No, it's not crap.
He's been taking some wonderful pictures of me…
I can also take wonderful pictures when I want to.
Congratulations.
Sara, could you tell her I'm right about the guy being a scammer?
Yes, he's right.
See?
Okay, now listen. That's enough.
-Mom, you're so naive! -I said that's enough!
I understand you perfectly.
You're all messed up because you were dumped at the altar,
but you may not speak to me like that!
Got it?
Not anymore.
-Is that true? -[Mari Carmen] Sorry.
-It's weird. -Weird?
How weird?
Tell the truth. Were you dumped at the altar? Yes or no?
Yes.
Sara.
Yeah, yeah. Liar!9
Can't you see why I'm doing this? To protect you.
I don't need protecting.
-That's not what it looks like it. -What does it look like?
Like you're cheating on Dad.
Eh…
I'm… I'm an adult.
You can't hit me.
I can't believe this.
Hold on. Honey, please, wait.
I'm really sorry about the slap before.
This is the first time I've ever laid a hand on you in your life.
Look what you've done.
Do you really believe you've been an awesome mom?
Do you know why I left home?
To be able to start doing things by myself.
To make decisions without you!
Without you saying, "Very well son,
your opinions are great but do what your mom tells you."
That's what you'd tell me!
-Me? -How can you deny it?
Let me remind you, you still bring your dirty clothes for me to wash.
Jesus. That's because you tell me to.
You never let me do anything by myself!
Do you remember the crazy shit you told me when I was a kid?
"No, José Luis, my dear, you can't go to summer camp
because there are tapeworms in the mountains
that get into your body and crawl out your ass."
"You can't go to Morocco with your school, honey."
"You can't because you're stupid, so they'll put drugs in your luggage."
I never even had a bike.
You said kids that fall off bikes get paralyzed!
That was because you're very clumsy.
You are.
It's your fault I'm scared to get on an inner tube.
Can't you see you put so much fear in me?
-Huh? -[scoffs]
You stuck your nose into everything.
I stuck my nose in everything?
You are so ungrateful.
Mom, you're on my honeymoon. Look how deep…
Oh, this is my fault too?
Is this my fault as well?
Everything's my fault, right? Everything's my fault!
My fault, and poor Teresa's!
"Poor Teresa"?
Yesterday she was a bitch, and you had it all figured out.
Have you ever wondered why they all left you?
No. You tell me. I see you have a theory. Let's see.
It's because you don't want a girlfriend!
You just want a mother.
Are you out of your mind?
They all grow tired of you.
They're not willing to endure as much as I have to.
Don't play the victim.
I wait on you hand and foot.
And what do I get?
What do I have to give you?
Precisely! You give me nothing. Nothing.
-You give it to any other girl. -What?
You don't fall for the first girl you meet?
-Of course not. -Sara, Teresa, Inés…
-The girl from Canary Islands. -Yaiza?
She made college a misery.
Yaiza was nice. She didn't do that.
Of course she did. She dumped you like the others.
No, she didn't. It was our decision.
God, you are so stupid.
You're always go from girlfriend to girlfriend
because you're a chicken shit who's afraid to be alone.
And that's your problem.
Yeah, and you're perfect?
You've never been wrong?
Don't get me started, please.
No, not me. You've talked enough.
You've talked.
I just wanted to have some fun with you.
Do you know what that feels like?
Because I don't.
Not since I took off my wedding veil.
And if I meet someone who makes me feel that my life is more than taking care
of a husband who ignores me
and a child who doesn't respect me,
I don't even need to sleep with him.
[melancholy music playing]
[phone rings]
ÁNGEL INCOMING CALL
[knocking]
Hi.
Oh, hi.
May I?
Sure. Come on in, yeah.
Um, I'm…
I'm almost done packing.
[chuckles]
Why did you tell me he was your husband?
So that you'd know I was married.
And so if I knew,
there couldn't be anything between us. Could there?
Or so I figured.
[chuckles]
Are you leaving now?
-No, tomorrow. -Oh.
So, this is your last night in paradise.
You can spend it locked in this room,
or you can have your last daiquiri with me.
All right.
Give me just a minute.
-Hm, yeah, sure. -Great.
Oh, you. [chuckles]
[chuckles] You look great. [in Spanish] Stunning.
[both chuckle]
-Shall we? -Yeah.
What time are you leaving?
[Montse] Attention.
The last call for the Matasa wedding.
Matasa wedding…
will be beginning in a moment.
All folks to the pier.
The last opportunity
for love.
[Montse chuckles]
Thank you.
[upbeat music playing]
-Good morning. -Hi.
That's the best adventure. Really.
Sara.
I'm here to tell you I'm sorry that I lied to you.
[scoffs] I'm the one to blame.
For getting involved with another lying tourist.
No, you were right.
Even though it's too late, I want to tell you the truth.
One, this is my honeymoon.
And two, yes, I was dumped.
What happened?
What?
I'm not gonna tell you.
-I want you to tell me. -No, I'm not going to.
What do you want me to tell you?
Yes, we were at the altar together, about to say, "I do."
All of a sudden came a car crashing into a big decoration that said "Love."
I thought it was cheesy, but she liked it.
And out of the car came a really good looking guy.
He said something to Teresa.
Then she ran off, jumped into his arms, and kissed in front of my fucking face,
right between the guest benches.
[chuckles] Oh, I'm sorry, but…
I was standing like a dipshit wearing the blue vest she'd chosen for me.
You don't want to marry me? Okay, I'll get over it.
But don't do that to me, you asshole!
You know the worst part for me?
I knew our relationship wasn't going anywhere.
But that day, just for a moment,
I believed it.
I believed things could work with Teresa.
I'm sorry.
I didn't tell you because it's the most pathetic thing ever.
You don't tell that to a girl you like.
Well it doesn't matter now. You're leaving tomorrow.
What if I stay?
-But you just met me. -So what?
-That's weird. -We like each other.
We get along well. We laugh all the time.
What's waiting for me back at home? Nothing.
Holy shit!
I'd rather just stay here with you now. Right?
I see things so clearly right now.
So?
You've just been dumped at the altar.
You can't see anything clearly.
It's not normal wanting to stay after just a few days together?
No.
So, my mother's right, then.
I can't be by myself.
I just can't be alone.
Know what I think?
What?
What you're saying is great.
But you're saying it to the wrong girl.
Go and tell that to your mom!
Yeah, I got that.
Goodbye.
[thrilling song playing]
Hey! Good luck!
Hey, Mom!
[phone ringing]
Dad, it's me. I'm looking for Mom.
Son, do you know where she keeps the turpentine?
What? How should I know?
Are you seriously calling her for that?
No. It's just I'm retouching your painting.
It's looking great, you know.
But I can't quite erase Teresa's eyebrows completely.
It's not my fault. She was always very hairy.
Leave Teresa's eyebrows alone. Listen to me.
Something's going on with Mom.
-She told me you cheated her. -Me?
Do you know how long it's been since I…?
Oh…
I'm not talking about that. Hear me out.
She said that, at first, before you got married…
you were funny. You had a good time.
You made plans, you laughed together.
Then suddenly you changed.
-Oh, right, yeah. -Yeah, what?
Of course I tricked her. I'm not a very fun guy.
I did all that to win her heart, like everyone else.
How can you be admitting that?
That's a load of bullshit. Can't you see?
It's… [clears throat] That's just life.
But don't think it's all a party with your mother.
-Your mother's boring. -She's not boring.
That's what I thought, but she's not.
Mom…
Mom's really cool.
She's very funny. I'm serious.
She's basically become the boss here. Everybody likes her.
It's actually quite simple.
She just wants to have fun.
And she says she's bored with you.
[Ángel grunts]
You're gonna have to up your game.
If you don't, I think she'll leave you.
Did she say that?
No, she doesn't have to.
Right.
Okay. Goodbye, Dad.
Ms. Montse. It's an emergency.
-What's the matter? -Have you seen my lady?
-What lady? Your wife? -Yeah.
Yes. She came this way. She was heading to our private island.
What private island?
Silly boy. She was going to the Matasa wedding.
She passed by, dressed in white, with other couples.
♪ Many time I tried to tell you ♪
♪ Many times I cried alone ♪
Was she alone, or…?
No, she was with someone.
There's some weird stuff going on between you two.
You're with that other woman, she's with another man.
I may have to kick you out of the Honeymoon Suite, huh?
Jean-Pierre, look at Montse!
[Jean-Pierre] Montse?
Whoa. Hey! Don't you even try it!
♪ We belong to the light ♪
-Sorry about that! -Hey! Hey!
[Montse] Watch out!
♪ We belong to the sound of the words ♪
♪ We've both fallen under ♪
-Out! Out! Out! -[screaming]
[woman] Asshole!
[Calvin, in French] Love is the engine that moves us in life.
♪ We belong together ♪
[Calvin] An everlasting engine
that makes sense of everything.
That's why it is very important
to tell someone you love them.
So say it more and leave everything behind.
Because something new starts here and now.
Dear couple,
do you want to get married
by the Matasa ritual
and unite your lives forever?
[José Luis] Stop! Hey!
Mom!
No! Don't!
What are you doing? Don't!
Stop the wedding!
-Don't! -What is he doing?
Mom!
-You can't do it! -[indistinct chatter]
Stop this thing!
Hey!
Hey, Mom, don't!
-Don't do it! -Oh, boy…
[guests chatter indistinctly]
Hello.
[Armando] Mari Carmen, what's going on?
Mom, I don't know what's going on, but just don't.
I know Dad's a disappointment and I'm a lame son,
but this is not the solution.
I just… don't think you should marry him.
I'm not getting married.
-You're not? -We're the witnesses!
-Oh, boy. -I'm sorry.
Gudrun, Bibi, sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Did you really think I was getting married?
Do you think I'm such an idiot?
Sorry, Bibi, Gud…
People.
No, I know you're not an idiot.
And you have lots of reasons to dump us and leave with another guy.
So I was thinking…
that this man right here, Armando,
he treats you right.
He listens. You have fun. His hair is great…
-And he's a criminal too. -A what?
What you heard.
I beg your pardon.
I found out the day
I called from the police station and was told you didn't stay at the hotel.
Of course. I stay at a youth hostel--
A hostel which I also called, and they're looking for you for nonpayment.
Then I called the consulate,,
I gave them your data,
and you're a wanted man in three countries.
Darling, I went along with your game because I was having a great time.
But now time's up.
Why would I be a wanted man?
Oh, come on.
-For smuggling drugs in tourists' luggage? -[guests gasp]
[Calvin, shouting] Madame Montse!
Yeah, I can see it.
[Montse, in French] Calvin, what's going on?
I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.
[Mari Carmen] Call your partner at Madrid airport.
[in French] Madame Montse, he transports drugs in luggage.
-Excuse me. -[Armando] I don't have a partner!
Call police, please.
Hey, give me that!
-Let her go! -What're you doing?
-Stay away from my son! -[guests gasp]
-[groans] -[screams]
Are you okay? Huh?
-Yeah. -Okay, honey?
Excuse me. Did you just say that he was your son?
Montse… Oh, hi.
So you're not married, or what?
Have you been deceiving me?
Well, see, the thing is…
The room was so good.
-I told you it was only for new couples. -The bed was so…
No, hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
We're not married… That's right.
But no suite is big enough to give her what she deserves.
And I want to thank her.
She's always been by my side and I took it for granted.
I never saw her as a woman, just as my mother.
And that's it.
I never asked her if she's okay.
What she wants.
If she's happy or sad. I don't know. I never asked her.
It was only a few days ago,
that I found out what things she liked, or didn't.
But she stands by my side.
And I know she always will.
No, she's not my wife.
She's the love of my life.
[applause]
He is nice!
Excuse me. Excuse me. Hey! [clicks tongue]
Hey, you, handsome.
Right here. Stand right here, please.
I just called the police. They're waiting at the hotel. What?
Huh?
-That's an option. -Yes.
There's another one…
["Still Got the Blues" playing]
You,
me…
a daiquiri.
We take that boat over there and we leave. Right?
-That boat? -Yes.
-Oh, no. -[music stops]
Take your boat and fuck off!
I already have one freeloader back in Cornellà,
no need for two!
Calvin! Come here a moment. Can you get Jean-Pierre?
Jean-Pierre, accompany this man
directly to the hotel. And don't lose him. All right?
He's a weirdo.
-Careful. -You don't know what you're missing.
Yes, I actually do know what I'm missing. You're damn right I know
and I'm not gonna fall for that shit again!
[band playing upbeat song]
[funky song playing]
[Mari Carmen] Well…
-[José Luis] Okay. -Here we are.
-That's right.
My…
[chuckles]
Oh god, the hotel was great, but there's nothing like my own bed.
-[Ángel] Bienvenue. -What's gotten into him now?
WELCOME MARI CARMEN
-[Ángel chuckling] -Darling, we're back.
-Here. -What a surprise.
They're so lovely. Thank you very much.
-And… -What's that?
Two tickets to Paris.
We're leaving in an hour. If you want to.
Oh, my…
-Did you have a stroke or something? -No…
I thought you missed the fun we had before we got married?
Can you believe the ideas your father has?
Paris?
Huh?
You know I've always wanted to go to Paris, you little sneak.
[both chuckle]
-I'd love to see the Eiffel Tower. -Right.
And, you know, to stuff my face with foie gras.
-Yeah! -The Mona Lisa, it's the dream of my life.
I thought seeing the ocean floor was the dream of your life.
-But I've seen that already. -Right.
Two tickets to the Louvre.
Go! Hurry! Grab your luggage.
We're going to Paris!
That's not your father. I can't believe it!
It's crazy. Man…
Well…
Will you be all right by yourself?
I don't know. I've never done it before.
But I think I will be.
Will you be all right with company?
I don't know. I've never done it before.
But I think I will be.
Thank you, Mom.
[chuckles]
Put them in water with an aspirin. I'll get them when we come back.
Okay.
I love you.
[quietly] Me too.
Bye bye.
[Ángel] Au revoir, my son!
[hip-hop song playing]
[phone ringing]
[Mari Carmen] Sweetie, did you make it home?
Your fridge must be empty.
Drop by our house. Our fridge is full of sirloins with foie gras.
[laughs] Kisses! Love you!
[hip-hop song playing]
[water bubbling]
[car engine puttering]
[growling]
[water bubbling]
[ice clinking]
[giggles, kisses]
[dolphins chittering]
[slot machine ringing]
[twittering]
[hip-hop music continues]
[tempo slows down]
♪ Oh my dear friend, I'm writing you ♪
♪ Inviting you in my island in the sun ♪
♪ Oh my dear friend, take an airplane ♪
♪ So you will taste My Mauritian sugarcane ♪
♪ Mauritius welcomes you Everybody welcomes you ♪
♪ Your visit will be very enthusiastic ♪
♪ Mauritius welcomes you Everybody welcomes you ♪
♪ You will have a very pleasant holiday ♪
[singing in Creole]
[continues singing]
♪ Oh my dear friend, I'm writing you ♪
♪ Inviting you in my island in the sun ♪
♪ Oh my dear friend, take an airplane ♪
♪ So you will taste My Mauritian sugarcane ♪
♪ Mauritius welcomes you Everybody welcomes you ♪
♪ Your visit will be very enthusiastic ♪
♪ Mauritius welcomes you Everybody welcomes you ♪
♪ You will have a very pleasant holiday ♪
♪ You will surely be enchanted And sing and dance ♪
♪ On lovely beach Under the shadow of filao ♪
[continues singing]
♪ Many things says my pen Unable to describe ♪
♪ Oh my dear friend, I'm writing you ♪
♪ Inviting you in my island in the sun ♪
♪ Oh my dear friend, take an airplane ♪
♪ So you will taste My Mauritian sugarcane ♪
♪ Mauritius welcomes you Everybody welcomes you ♪
♪ Your visit will be very enthusiastic ♪
♪ Mauritius welcomes you Everybody welcomes you ♪
♪ You will have a very pleasant holiday ♪
♪ Mauritius welcomes you Everybody welcomes you ♪
♪ Your visit will be very enthusiastic ♪
♪ Mauritius welcomes you Everybody welcomes you ♪
♪ You will have a very pleasant holiday ♪
[man] Merci. Thank you. Danke.