1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:05,770 --> 00:00:08,349 What do I think about actually literally dying 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:08,350 --> 00:00:09,789 on stage? 5 00:00:09,790 --> 00:00:11,829 There are precedents for it. 6 00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,359 It was Tommy Cooper. 7 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,914 It happened to Eric Morcombe famously. 8 00:00:15,939 --> 00:00:19,185 There's this kind of like high table of your comedy 9 00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:21,519 valhalla, where you're Tommy Coopers and Eric 10 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,047 Morcombes and Sid James sit, 11 00:00:24,072 --> 00:00:27,255 that have died like the death of a Viking. 12 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,889 It's also kind of a fear 13 00:00:29,890 --> 00:00:32,529 that you have that you don't want 14 00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:34,659 that to happen in front of everyone because 15 00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,239 people might think you're doing it for 16 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,240 a laugh. 17 00:00:39,827 --> 00:00:41,238 Emergency, which service? 18 00:00:41,316 --> 00:00:43,137 Erm, ambulance, please. 19 00:01:59,846 --> 00:02:02,985 I was living in a rented council place 20 00:02:02,986 --> 00:02:05,217 in Hackney. We just sort of started to 21 00:02:05,249 --> 00:02:07,845 date - date, that's so old-fashioned - we just 22 00:02:07,846 --> 00:02:09,675 started seeing each other. It didn't take long. 23 00:02:09,676 --> 00:02:13,155 And I was in the theater and he was doing music. 24 00:02:13,156 --> 00:02:16,245 He really wasn't in the comedy world at all. 25 00:02:16,246 --> 00:02:18,825 Just playing music, playing guitar 26 00:02:18,826 --> 00:02:20,355 in local pubs. 27 00:02:20,356 --> 00:02:23,325 And it was in Bath University that he really 28 00:02:23,326 --> 00:02:26,205 discovered his love of performing 29 00:02:26,206 --> 00:02:29,301 and singing, a little bit of dancing. 30 00:02:29,356 --> 00:02:31,905 So when I met him, the music was 31 00:02:31,906 --> 00:02:34,335 a big thing, and he'd already done 32 00:02:34,336 --> 00:02:36,825 a video of his song called 33 00:02:36,826 --> 00:02:37,880 "Making Movies." 34 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:55,045 Seeing that he could be on his own, 35 00:02:55,046 --> 00:02:57,525 not necessarily as part of 36 00:02:57,526 --> 00:03:00,225 a theater group or with music around 37 00:03:00,226 --> 00:03:02,865 it. That's when he 38 00:03:02,866 --> 00:03:05,355 transferred from just pure music 39 00:03:05,356 --> 00:03:07,785 through a theater group into 40 00:03:07,786 --> 00:03:08,786 stand-up. 41 00:03:09,676 --> 00:03:13,245 All right, I'm going to take you back to the mid-'80s. 42 00:03:13,246 --> 00:03:15,765 People who went to comedy clubs were like 43 00:03:15,766 --> 00:03:18,285 people who went to acid house 44 00:03:18,286 --> 00:03:20,955 jazz. They were a very specific group 45 00:03:20,956 --> 00:03:23,655 of people. People didn't wander into comedy 46 00:03:23,656 --> 00:03:25,245 clubs by mistake. 47 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:28,407 Okay. So they knew what they were going to get. 48 00:03:28,452 --> 00:03:30,674 Anybody could get up and have a go, it was a great 49 00:03:30,706 --> 00:03:33,955 sort of post-punk atmosphere of experimentation 50 00:03:33,956 --> 00:03:35,473 and excitement, and no one 51 00:03:35,497 --> 00:03:36,891 really knew what they were doing. 52 00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:39,465 It was the alternative comedy circuit, 53 00:03:39,466 --> 00:03:42,435 and it was a reaction to traditional 54 00:03:42,436 --> 00:03:44,843 kind of Bernard Manning-type comedy. 55 00:03:45,136 --> 00:03:47,835 It had much more of a connection to that British 56 00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:50,835 tradition of variety than what it's become. 57 00:03:50,836 --> 00:03:53,895 A comedy club has changed a lot since the '90s. 58 00:03:53,896 --> 00:03:56,415 For a start smoke, they're not smoky 59 00:03:56,416 --> 00:03:58,425 rooms anymore. I used to smoke just to join in. 60 00:03:58,426 --> 00:04:01,275 The punters weren't kicked out 61 00:04:01,276 --> 00:04:03,554 if they were rowdy or if they were heckling. 62 00:04:03,555 --> 00:04:05,895 And then throw in a lot of really weird acts 63 00:04:05,896 --> 00:04:09,195 like someone that used to melt a block of ice. 64 00:04:09,196 --> 00:04:11,475 They were male and female double act and one of 65 00:04:11,476 --> 00:04:14,355 them used to play the nose flute. 66 00:04:14,356 --> 00:04:17,355 I once went to the Tunnel Club and Harry Enfield 67 00:04:17,356 --> 00:04:19,814 was on and he got booed off and a guy 68 00:04:19,815 --> 00:04:21,856 went on after him and told a joke for ten 69 00:04:21,857 --> 00:04:24,285 minutes in Serbo Croat and he 70 00:04:24,286 --> 00:04:25,635 got three encores. 71 00:04:25,636 --> 00:04:27,229 Randolph the Remarkable. 72 00:04:27,466 --> 00:04:29,985 He was a great big guy whose act was doing 73 00:04:29,986 --> 00:04:33,415 a belly flop dive into a washing-up bowl. 74 00:04:33,416 --> 00:04:35,835 Chris Lyneham. He would finish his act by 75 00:04:35,836 --> 00:04:38,325 putting a live firework up his 76 00:04:38,326 --> 00:04:40,815 arse and setting fire to it. 77 00:04:40,816 --> 00:04:43,845 Obviously burned himself quite a few times. 78 00:04:43,846 --> 00:04:46,455 There was a paper tearer, there was a guy who 79 00:04:46,456 --> 00:04:48,221 pretended to kill rabbits. 80 00:04:49,036 --> 00:04:52,335 It was just a bit more broken 81 00:04:52,336 --> 00:04:55,215 and people displaying their brokenness 82 00:04:55,216 --> 00:04:57,075 without trying to fix it. 83 00:04:57,076 --> 00:04:59,655 It was just brilliant. 84 00:04:59,656 --> 00:05:02,175 It was a very different game than it is now. 85 00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:03,675 I mean, you've got to remember the people who 86 00:05:03,676 --> 00:05:06,705 were around then, Jack Dee, Jo Brand, 87 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:08,735 Jeff Green, Sean Lock, 88 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:09,815 Harry Hill, 89 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,840 Bill Bailey, Lee Evans, 90 00:05:11,866 --> 00:05:13,275 the list goes on and on. 91 00:05:13,276 --> 00:05:14,925 And he was up there with them. 92 00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:18,991 He had a fairly anarchic, dare I say, 93 00:05:19,016 --> 00:05:21,585 libertarian outlook on life, and this 94 00:05:21,586 --> 00:05:22,773 was right up his street. 95 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,984 When you start stand-up, there's the headliners 96 00:05:26,078 --> 00:05:27,648 who headline all 97 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,240 the big gigs, and he was one of them, that 98 00:05:30,256 --> 00:05:32,281 whenever you did a gig, he'd be headlining. 99 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,695 Welcome to the stage, 100 00:05:34,003 --> 00:05:37,215 the one, the only, the indisputable 101 00:05:37,216 --> 00:05:40,081 Mr. Ian Cognito! 102 00:05:48,457 --> 00:05:52,740 Ladies and gentlemen, there's an old saying in show business. 103 00:05:53,433 --> 00:05:54,885 Leave them wanting more. You've been great, 104 00:05:54,886 --> 00:05:56,145 thanks a lot, good night. 105 00:05:58,376 --> 00:06:00,835 Well I'd heard about him, I mean, his 106 00:06:00,836 --> 00:06:02,875 reputation definitely preceded him. 107 00:06:02,876 --> 00:06:04,945 I've been warned that he was extraordinary on 108 00:06:04,946 --> 00:06:07,525 stage and fearless and that 109 00:06:07,526 --> 00:06:10,345 he had a fiery temper offstage 110 00:06:10,346 --> 00:06:13,525 and there were always stories about altercations 111 00:06:13,526 --> 00:06:16,525 with promoters and other comedians. 112 00:06:16,526 --> 00:06:19,505 I first kind of properly got to know Cogs 113 00:06:19,706 --> 00:06:22,825 doing the tour support for him in 2005. 114 00:06:22,826 --> 00:06:24,485 He didn't really used to have publicity shots 115 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,735 back then, not proper ones. 116 00:06:25,736 --> 00:06:27,505 They were things like drawings of him. 117 00:06:27,506 --> 00:06:29,395 And there was that weird thing where he's doing 118 00:06:29,396 --> 00:06:31,215 that and opening his mouth. 119 00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,905 There's like a little miniature version of him, 120 00:06:32,906 --> 00:06:35,485 so you didn't know what he was going to look like 121 00:06:35,486 --> 00:06:37,600 either. So there's this kind of mystique 122 00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:38,773 about the man. 123 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:41,575 He was the first comic I met that already had, 124 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,120 I'd heard so many stories about that I 125 00:06:44,156 --> 00:06:45,835 was probably apprehensive about meeting him. 126 00:06:45,836 --> 00:06:48,625 I met Ian Cognito first time at a Mirth Control 127 00:06:48,626 --> 00:06:51,325 gig out West, and I was pretty new 128 00:06:51,326 --> 00:06:53,365 and he scared the shit out of me. 129 00:06:53,366 --> 00:06:56,185 It's me, your second act, 130 00:06:56,186 --> 00:06:57,775 too risky to open. 131 00:06:57,776 --> 00:06:59,035 Not good enough to close. 132 00:07:01,096 --> 00:07:02,715 And you watch other people and you go, that's 133 00:07:02,716 --> 00:07:04,725 what you do, oh, I see, that's what people are doing. 134 00:07:04,726 --> 00:07:07,515 And then next thing you meet Ian Cognito and 135 00:07:07,516 --> 00:07:08,745 he breaks every rule. 136 00:07:09,019 --> 00:07:11,571 And I'd only just started and I'd seen a lot 137 00:07:11,596 --> 00:07:13,893 of stand-ups going out, normal stuff, 138 00:07:14,686 --> 00:07:18,135 and then Cogs come out with a shopping trolley. 139 00:07:18,136 --> 00:07:19,849 And he had a dress on and I 140 00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:21,825 thought this geezer's a lunatic. And he was 141 00:07:21,826 --> 00:07:23,965 really aggressive, so... 142 00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:25,575 But he really made me laugh. 143 00:07:25,576 --> 00:07:26,925 He was like, naturally funny. 144 00:07:26,926 --> 00:07:29,415 He was a bit edgy, and I would 145 00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:32,265 imagine that would have been at his best. 146 00:07:32,266 --> 00:07:33,679 That was sort of early '90s. 147 00:07:33,736 --> 00:07:36,375 Watching him on stage and seeing 148 00:07:36,376 --> 00:07:40,335 this utter freedom 149 00:07:40,336 --> 00:07:42,075 and not caring. 150 00:07:42,076 --> 00:07:43,725 Yeah. Come at me. 151 00:07:43,726 --> 00:07:46,411 And he had that and I wanted that. 152 00:07:46,436 --> 00:07:48,465 All with your mobiles eh? What's that all about? 153 00:07:48,466 --> 00:07:50,175 There's a hundred thousand fucking people here, 154 00:07:50,176 --> 00:07:51,656 is that not enough for you to talk to? 155 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,665 No, you've got to ring up your Mum. 156 00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:58,275 The only reason you should use your fucking 157 00:07:58,348 --> 00:08:01,029 mobile, is if you are OD-ing. 158 00:08:02,471 --> 00:08:03,471 Then don't ring your Mum, 159 00:08:03,496 --> 00:08:04,905 she don't want to fucking know. 160 00:08:04,906 --> 00:08:06,675 I remember the first time I met him because I 161 00:08:06,676 --> 00:08:09,225 didn't know I was going to meet him and I had a gig in 162 00:08:09,226 --> 00:08:11,865 Guilfdord and I went in the backstage, sat 163 00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:14,205 down and he started talking to me and I can't 164 00:08:14,206 --> 00:08:15,945 remember what he was saying but I remember while 165 00:08:15,946 --> 00:08:18,375 he was talking to me, he went over to a sink in 166 00:08:18,376 --> 00:08:20,835 the corner of the room and got his dick out and 167 00:08:20,836 --> 00:08:23,815 started pissing in the sink while talking to me. 168 00:08:23,816 --> 00:08:26,475 I remember at that point thinking to myself, 169 00:08:26,476 --> 00:08:28,897 "I think this is probably Ian Cognito." 170 00:08:29,236 --> 00:08:31,965 I was very trepidatious about meeting 171 00:08:31,966 --> 00:08:34,755 him, although I was also very excited about 172 00:08:34,756 --> 00:08:35,774 about watching him 173 00:08:35,775 --> 00:08:37,605 He said, "Yeah, I've heard about you. 174 00:08:37,606 --> 00:08:40,394 I'll be interested to see what you're like." 175 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,825 And of course, that put the fear of God into me 176 00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:45,255 because you want to do well in 177 00:08:45,256 --> 00:08:46,545 front of other comedians. 178 00:08:46,546 --> 00:08:48,733 And fortunately, I had a good gig. 179 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,040 I mean, thankfully, I didn't have to follow him 180 00:08:51,070 --> 00:08:52,815 because I don't think I would have ever been able 181 00:08:52,816 --> 00:08:55,005 to follow him. And he came up afterwards and 182 00:08:55,006 --> 00:08:56,287 said, "Yeah, you're alright, you are. 183 00:08:56,311 --> 00:08:58,515 Yeah, you're good. You're going to do well." 184 00:08:58,516 --> 00:09:01,245 And I felt like I'd sort of been 185 00:09:01,246 --> 00:09:02,745 touched by the Hand of God. 186 00:09:02,746 --> 00:09:05,175 In 1994, I said to him, I 187 00:09:05,176 --> 00:09:07,065 would like to manage him. 188 00:09:07,066 --> 00:09:09,195 And he said, "Okay, let's come over to the house 189 00:09:09,196 --> 00:09:10,785 and let's talk about it." 190 00:09:10,786 --> 00:09:13,275 So, I went over to where he used to live, 191 00:09:13,276 --> 00:09:15,795 which was in Walthamstow, East London, 192 00:09:15,796 --> 00:09:18,075 and I went there with a view to talk about a 193 00:09:18,076 --> 00:09:20,835 plan. How are we going to take this forward? 194 00:09:20,836 --> 00:09:23,325 He said. "The thing is Klarfeld, I don't think 195 00:09:23,326 --> 00:09:24,825 this is going to work." 196 00:09:24,826 --> 00:09:26,355 And I said, "Why?" 197 00:09:26,356 --> 00:09:28,185 And he said, "Because I want to fuck you in the 198 00:09:28,186 --> 00:09:29,505 arse." 199 00:09:29,506 --> 00:09:31,965 And I said, I think you're right, 200 00:09:31,966 --> 00:09:33,825 this is not going to work. 201 00:09:33,826 --> 00:09:36,443 And then he said, "Well, hang on a minute, hang on, hang on. 202 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,600 If I just get over this, that 203 00:09:38,626 --> 00:09:40,245 I'm not going to fuck you in the arse, 204 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,795 will you still manage me?" And I said "Yes." 205 00:09:42,796 --> 00:09:44,535 When I look back on it, I think that was just 206 00:09:44,536 --> 00:09:46,215 the Cogs's initiation. 207 00:09:46,216 --> 00:09:47,628 How was I going to react? 208 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,840 I just want to say if I've offended anybody out 209 00:09:49,876 --> 00:09:50,876 there, grow up. 210 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,720 In fact, the jokes were so good, 211 00:09:55,746 --> 00:09:57,875 they were just sort of stepping stones along the 212 00:09:57,876 --> 00:10:00,875 way for him being him. 213 00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:02,580 Never French kiss a leper, never try and 214 00:10:02,604 --> 00:10:04,659 shove a turd back up your arse with a spatula. 215 00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:08,778 Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows. 216 00:10:08,803 --> 00:10:10,689 Now that's just common sense. 217 00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:12,647 They're laughing behind the bar. 218 00:10:12,671 --> 00:10:14,649 They won't be laughing by fucking Saturday 219 00:10:14,673 --> 00:10:16,650 when they've heard it three fucking times. 220 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,536 I give it all that, it's all scripted, every fucking word... 221 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,600 As a new act all I'd be thinking about all day 222 00:10:22,606 --> 00:10:24,885 was that gig and how it was going to go. 223 00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:27,165 And then you met him and he still had that same 224 00:10:27,166 --> 00:10:29,205 passion for it. And you're like, oh yeah, that's 225 00:10:29,206 --> 00:10:31,815 why I do this. Incredible to never lose 226 00:10:31,816 --> 00:10:33,396 that the whole time you do it. 227 00:10:33,421 --> 00:10:35,466 You can relax, son, back to the cock jokes now. 228 00:10:37,056 --> 00:10:40,624 It wasn't like any other comedian's act. 229 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,038 I mean he brought out a lute for God's sake, 230 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,677 and he would berate the audience, 231 00:10:45,982 --> 00:10:48,117 and he had such rage in him, 232 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,160 but he was always funny. 233 00:10:50,185 --> 00:10:51,927 You look at me as this God-like figure, 234 00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,723 you think, you fucking do. 235 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:56,976 You think I have the answers. Well I don't, 236 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,176 I'm as bad as the rest of you. 237 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,668 Selfish, always buying shit I don't need, 238 00:11:00,832 --> 00:11:03,450 shit I can't even use. Do you know, I can't even 239 00:11:03,504 --> 00:11:05,525 play whatever the fuck that is? 240 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,460 You soon kind of got to realise that 241 00:11:08,503 --> 00:11:11,082 actually he was a bit of a loose cannon. 242 00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:14,502 And that if something didn't go his way, 243 00:11:14,503 --> 00:11:16,076 run for the hills. 244 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,338 You! Don't fucking film me, you cheeky cunt. 245 00:11:19,935 --> 00:11:20,975 Put it away. 246 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,760 There was something beautiful about his rants. 247 00:11:23,773 --> 00:11:26,052 I can think of the sweat dripping off him and I 248 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:29,112 can see him there in his bandanna. 249 00:11:29,113 --> 00:11:31,812 Estrogen in the water supply. 250 00:11:31,813 --> 00:11:33,744 Yes you, we invent the pill so that 251 00:11:33,769 --> 00:11:34,909 we can fuck you without having to 252 00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:36,770 worry about it. And then as soon as our backs 253 00:11:36,795 --> 00:11:38,883 are turned, you are pissing in the water supply. 254 00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:41,682 Don't think we don't fucking know. 255 00:11:41,683 --> 00:11:43,754 He was in a tradition of aggressive, 256 00:11:44,542 --> 00:11:46,225 counter-cultural, 257 00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:49,293 angry male comics. I mean he always took 258 00:11:49,318 --> 00:11:50,924 the piss out of his anger, that was the thing, he 259 00:11:50,948 --> 00:11:53,012 wasn't, you know, he would always undercut 260 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,834 himself, he would always pull the rug out from himself 261 00:11:54,858 --> 00:11:56,252 He always had that sense of play. 262 00:11:56,253 --> 00:11:57,812 Stand-up comedy was a weapon to him. 263 00:11:57,813 --> 00:12:00,272 It wasn't, it wasn't a nice thing. 264 00:12:00,273 --> 00:12:01,982 It wasn't a gift that he was giving the 265 00:12:01,983 --> 00:12:04,922 audience. It was, it was a weapon that 266 00:12:04,923 --> 00:12:08,252 he was using to make them see the error of their ways. 267 00:12:08,253 --> 00:12:10,562 I mean, here we are, 2012. 268 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,022 We're still here, still fucked up. 269 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:15,752 One hundred and forty-seven armed conflicts 270 00:12:15,753 --> 00:12:18,182 are going on in the world as I shout at you 271 00:12:18,183 --> 00:12:20,642 and you're worried about me cracking a few 272 00:12:20,643 --> 00:12:22,292 fucking silly little jokes. 273 00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:24,572 If the audience were going for it, he would 274 00:12:24,573 --> 00:12:27,092 really relish that and 275 00:12:27,093 --> 00:12:28,472 storm it. 276 00:12:28,473 --> 00:12:30,812 And if the audience weren't going for it, he 277 00:12:30,813 --> 00:12:33,242 might be confrontational with them. 278 00:12:33,243 --> 00:12:34,472 It's all right, darling. 279 00:12:34,473 --> 00:12:36,098 You ain't going to like all of it. 280 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:39,272 He'd find a way of making it seem 281 00:12:39,273 --> 00:12:41,812 like he had at least sort of 282 00:12:41,813 --> 00:12:43,879 been shot down in flames as opposed to just, 283 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,080 you know, struggling to silence, that, that would 284 00:12:46,103 --> 00:12:47,152 never happen. 285 00:12:47,153 --> 00:12:48,900 Cogs was brave because he went on and went, 286 00:12:48,925 --> 00:12:50,774 "I'm gonna say something that's gonna' make you hate me, 287 00:12:50,798 --> 00:12:52,313 but then I'm going to say something's going to 288 00:12:52,337 --> 00:12:53,632 make you laugh two seconds later." 289 00:12:53,633 --> 00:12:55,102 That's actually proper brave because that's 290 00:12:55,103 --> 00:12:56,515 bringing on an attack. 291 00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:58,342 And it's cold out there. 292 00:12:58,343 --> 00:12:59,482 You lot wrap up warm. 293 00:12:59,483 --> 00:13:01,016 And all I'd ask you is that you spare an extra 294 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,725 little thought for the homeless people, 295 00:13:04,073 --> 00:13:06,232 when it's cold out there and it's fucking cold, 296 00:13:06,233 --> 00:13:08,277 a little extra thought for the homeless people, all right? 297 00:13:08,301 --> 00:13:09,442 Fucking easy to trip over them when 298 00:13:09,443 --> 00:13:11,276 they're covered in snow, I'll tell you that. 299 00:13:11,603 --> 00:13:13,462 I've got two little, tiny little clubs and he 300 00:13:13,463 --> 00:13:15,982 played them a couple of times and I'd be 301 00:13:15,983 --> 00:13:18,772 so excited about him coming to stay 302 00:13:18,773 --> 00:13:20,235 and he always nailed it. 303 00:13:21,083 --> 00:13:24,442 But not without, at some point during his set, 304 00:13:24,443 --> 00:13:25,942 just tearing it right down. 305 00:13:25,943 --> 00:13:27,542 As a performer watching a normal performer 306 00:13:27,543 --> 00:13:30,095 struggle, usually it's not fun, but 307 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,760 if Cogs was going down in flames on 308 00:13:32,783 --> 00:13:34,552 stage, it was like, fucking hell, everybody get 309 00:13:34,553 --> 00:13:35,991 around, have a look at this, because if 310 00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,728 he decided he was going down, he was going down 311 00:13:37,752 --> 00:13:39,725 and he was taking every cunt with him. 312 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,842 I'd book him in to come and do my gig, and he'd 313 00:13:41,843 --> 00:13:44,095 just literally stand and shout in somebody's face. 314 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,160 And, you know, some people would think, 315 00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,502 "Well, that's not what I've paid for. I've come to have a laugh." 316 00:13:48,503 --> 00:13:51,254 Not, you know, be shouted at, and like 317 00:13:51,279 --> 00:13:52,966 sort of cowering in a corner. 318 00:13:52,991 --> 00:13:55,186 Because you get to my age Sonny Boy, 319 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,440 you fucking mock me with your hair 320 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,680 But what he gave the audience 321 00:14:03,683 --> 00:14:06,822 when he was on song, like all great comedians, 322 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,827 he gave them an experience. 323 00:14:08,852 --> 00:14:10,758 I said "Do you fancy another baby?" 324 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:11,903 She went "Are you fucking... 325 00:14:13,747 --> 00:14:15,052 Are you mad? 326 00:14:15,426 --> 00:14:16,553 I hate you." 327 00:14:18,039 --> 00:14:20,713 We had a microphone in the bedroom in those days. 328 00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:27,015 In the early noughties, live comedy was huge back then 329 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,800 and people were doing two three, four, five, 330 00:14:28,823 --> 00:14:31,690 six gigs a night and that always perplexed Ian, 331 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,880 because he wanted to just put all 332 00:14:33,893 --> 00:14:37,305 his focus into one gig and make that really special. 333 00:14:37,347 --> 00:14:39,202 It didn't matter if the mic wasn't working 334 00:14:39,203 --> 00:14:41,142 because he would ignore it. 335 00:14:42,143 --> 00:14:44,782 He would just sort of boom his 336 00:14:44,783 --> 00:14:47,542 voice out to, you know, a hundred, two hundred 337 00:14:47,543 --> 00:14:50,362 people. Or if the sight lines weren't right, 338 00:14:50,363 --> 00:14:52,462 he'd stand on a table. 339 00:14:52,463 --> 00:14:53,962 Or if the lights were pointing in the wrong 340 00:14:53,963 --> 00:14:56,966 position, he'd just walk around amongst the audience. 341 00:14:56,991 --> 00:14:58,732 There were two thousand people in and if he'd 342 00:14:58,733 --> 00:15:01,102 turned round and said, "Right, come on, we're marching 343 00:15:01,103 --> 00:15:03,502 on Downing Street now," two thousand people would 344 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,152 have followed him, without a doubt. 345 00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:07,355 What I remember is him 346 00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:10,612 standing there, often in women's 347 00:15:10,613 --> 00:15:13,132 clothing, but that doesn't really matter, 348 00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:16,035 but him standing there, maybe on a table. 349 00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:17,770 I'm the sixth bloke on this bill. 350 00:15:18,113 --> 00:15:20,165 And I knew it was happening I could see them... 351 00:15:20,189 --> 00:15:22,241 blokey blokey coming over the fucking wall. 352 00:15:22,786 --> 00:15:25,375 Here they come, blokey blokey, no birds then. 353 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,556 So we had a little chat, 354 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,657 a little fucking - drew straws. 355 00:15:41,812 --> 00:15:44,882 But there was like sort of chaos 356 00:15:44,883 --> 00:15:47,402 in that, but underneath it all, he was 357 00:15:47,403 --> 00:15:50,018 very much kind of like a man of poetry 358 00:15:50,043 --> 00:15:51,122 and theater. 359 00:15:51,123 --> 00:15:53,696 There was a young fellow from Tring 360 00:15:53,733 --> 00:15:56,163 whose poems lacked one vital element. 361 00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:00,937 He tried all the time to make the words fit 362 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,844 in the last line, but it was usually too long and didn't 363 00:16:02,868 --> 00:16:03,894 scan properly anyway 364 00:16:03,923 --> 00:16:05,122 It could go in any direction. 365 00:16:05,123 --> 00:16:07,822 He could say anything to anyone at any point. 366 00:16:08,143 --> 00:16:10,272 But also, when I saw him, he had this warmth 367 00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:12,522 with the audience like he did with the comics. 368 00:16:12,523 --> 00:16:14,952 So there wasn't like a thing of like, you're all 369 00:16:14,953 --> 00:16:15,966 in the cross-hairs. 370 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,625 - What do you drive? - A Volvo? 371 00:16:17,650 --> 00:16:21,213 A Volvo. Swedish. Got nothing funny to say about that. 372 00:16:21,238 --> 00:16:22,513 Well done. 373 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,014 You've fucked me up now! 374 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:30,102 - It's to be trusted by an audience, to be taken 375 00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:32,952 somewhere, where you're taken to the precipice 376 00:16:32,953 --> 00:16:34,152 of what might offend you. 377 00:16:34,153 --> 00:16:36,301 But that's the joke, of course, is that actually 378 00:16:36,302 --> 00:16:37,877 there's going to be a reversal. 379 00:16:38,173 --> 00:16:40,235 Meanwhile, down in South Africa, 380 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,920 that great man, that saint, Mandela, 381 00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:45,012 could be dying soon. 382 00:16:45,013 --> 00:16:46,778 I hate to think what's going to happen that country. 383 00:16:46,802 --> 00:16:48,372 You've only got to look at Zimbabwe. 384 00:16:48,373 --> 00:16:50,118 Look at Zimbabwe. Fucked. 385 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,632 Mugabe is shitting on his own people over there, 386 00:16:52,633 --> 00:16:54,732 and you've got to ask yourself this question: how 387 00:16:54,733 --> 00:16:56,712 can you trust that Mugabe, when his name 388 00:16:56,713 --> 00:16:58,090 backwards reads "ee by gum"? 389 00:17:00,012 --> 00:17:01,722 The way that he played with an audience's 390 00:17:01,723 --> 00:17:04,242 expectations, the sort of stuff that he did, was - 391 00:17:04,243 --> 00:17:06,821 was - was - cleverer than 392 00:17:06,822 --> 00:17:08,285 it might be given credit for. 393 00:17:08,743 --> 00:17:10,816 I'll tell you, don't lend anybody from the Third World 394 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,560 any money, you'll never fucking see it 395 00:17:12,582 --> 00:17:13,646 again, okay? 396 00:17:15,943 --> 00:17:17,557 Greedy cunts they are, 397 00:17:17,876 --> 00:17:19,885 always got their hands out for something. 398 00:17:20,983 --> 00:17:22,992 He came from the position going, "I'm the worst 399 00:17:22,993 --> 00:17:25,466 person imaginable, but I've got your number." 400 00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:27,642 I put him in a category of a comedian's 401 00:17:27,643 --> 00:17:29,652 comedian, someone who 402 00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:33,732 is so good at his craft that 403 00:17:33,733 --> 00:17:35,322 other comedians, when we've got a night off, 404 00:17:35,323 --> 00:17:37,899 we'd go to watch someone, if we heard that 405 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,360 Cogs was playing somewhere local to us we'd go 406 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,442 and watch him perform. 407 00:17:41,443 --> 00:17:43,812 Because half I was laughing at what his 408 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,782 delivery was. But the other half was laughing 409 00:17:46,783 --> 00:17:48,612 at the reaction of the crowd. 410 00:17:48,613 --> 00:17:50,742 It has the effect where you instantly want to do 411 00:17:50,743 --> 00:17:52,002 a gig that night, you know? 412 00:17:52,003 --> 00:17:54,042 I mean, every time I was on a bill with him, he 413 00:17:54,043 --> 00:17:56,502 was the compere and it didn't 414 00:17:56,503 --> 00:17:58,122 matter how I felt that day. 415 00:17:58,123 --> 00:18:00,012 As soon as he goes on stage and starts talking 416 00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,352 to them and improvising, I was like, "Oh, I wanna' 417 00:18:02,353 --> 00:18:03,452 I wanna' do a gig now." 418 00:18:03,553 --> 00:18:05,772 He became this kind of figure, this kind of 419 00:18:05,773 --> 00:18:08,532 Gandalf figure that a lot of young comics 420 00:18:08,533 --> 00:18:11,254 were attracted to because he was like, you know, 421 00:18:11,279 --> 00:18:13,692 the last vestige of the Wild West, the 422 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,012 kind of wild man. 423 00:18:15,013 --> 00:18:17,592 He aggrandised himself and inflated his 424 00:18:17,593 --> 00:18:19,962 contribution to comedy. 425 00:18:19,963 --> 00:18:22,482 And it, and the surprise actually 426 00:18:22,483 --> 00:18:24,901 was, oh no, it turns out after he died 427 00:18:24,902 --> 00:18:26,562 he really did have that impact. 428 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,152 So he was on to something. 429 00:18:28,153 --> 00:18:30,642 There have been, throughout history, 430 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,882 lots of brilliant but flawed 431 00:18:33,883 --> 00:18:34,932 artists. 432 00:18:34,933 --> 00:18:36,479 Beethoven, Van Gogh... 433 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,120 Ian was very much in that tradition. 434 00:18:41,503 --> 00:18:42,942 Was he - was he sexist? 435 00:18:42,943 --> 00:18:44,622 Was he racist or was he just a cunt? 436 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,632 If he was ever going to be sexist it was done 437 00:18:46,633 --> 00:18:48,402 for a reason. It was done to get a rise out of 438 00:18:48,403 --> 00:18:49,422 somebody. 439 00:18:49,423 --> 00:18:50,532 You women giving it all this. 440 00:18:50,533 --> 00:18:52,634 You men couldn't stand the pain of child birth. 441 00:18:52,659 --> 00:18:54,288 Well yes we fucking can. 442 00:18:54,313 --> 00:18:55,782 Yes we could. 443 00:18:55,783 --> 00:18:58,135 We got broken noses, we got tattoos, we played rugby, 444 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,840 we're fucking hard. Here, you doubt me, 445 00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:02,621 here's a man having a baby, right. 446 00:19:02,753 --> 00:19:04,394 Whoa! Baby. 447 00:19:09,088 --> 00:19:10,088 Stings a bit. 448 00:19:12,073 --> 00:19:14,412 I never heard him be racist, I never, I never 449 00:19:14,413 --> 00:19:15,813 seen that, I never encountered that. 450 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,935 And then they go, "Ah, but you haven't got any 451 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,415 black friends, have ya?" I go, "No, no, 452 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,230 but then I ain't got any white friends either." 453 00:19:25,743 --> 00:19:28,412 Sorry, you're asking me if Cognito was racist? 454 00:19:28,413 --> 00:19:30,032 Not for one second. 455 00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:32,976 He could be equally hateful towards everyone. 456 00:19:33,393 --> 00:19:34,508 Was he just a cunt? 457 00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:37,050 Yeah, that was Ian, that was Cogs. 458 00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:38,432 Yeah, of course he was a cunt. 459 00:19:38,433 --> 00:19:40,292 In fact I lost it the other day in a car park, 460 00:19:40,293 --> 00:19:43,033 one of those handicapped people trying to use one of our spaces. 461 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,198 I ain't having it! 462 00:19:53,411 --> 00:19:54,936 I've called him over. "Oy, handicapped person, 463 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,376 have a fucking look down there, will you - 464 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,413 hey hey hey. 465 00:19:57,438 --> 00:19:58,976 You don't see your outline down on that floor, 466 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,880 no you don't. That's more the outline of someone 467 00:20:01,897 --> 00:20:02,979 who has fucked off." 468 00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:06,122 Not nice, I grant you. But if you let them get away 469 00:20:06,123 --> 00:20:08,252 with it, they will be in our toilets. 470 00:20:10,603 --> 00:20:12,822 The problem with saying was somebody's material 471 00:20:12,823 --> 00:20:15,372 racist or sexist is you have to judge it in 472 00:20:15,373 --> 00:20:16,692 the context of the time. 473 00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:19,152 The whole point of comedy is you go as far, as 474 00:20:19,153 --> 00:20:20,982 close to the line as you can get without going 475 00:20:20,983 --> 00:20:22,992 over. But if you change the position of the line 476 00:20:22,993 --> 00:20:25,722 retrospectively, then - 477 00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:27,402 - so it's bound to be somebody who could look at 478 00:20:27,403 --> 00:20:28,736 his act and say it was sexist or racist 479 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:29,960 they're bound to be able to. 480 00:20:30,002 --> 00:20:31,934 Hands up all the racists in the audience tonight? 481 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,176 It's not as popular as it used to be, is it? 482 00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,638 Never have a great big spliff and 483 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,052 then go out shopping for shirts in the sales 484 00:20:47,488 --> 00:20:49,781 The one about when they say, 485 00:20:49,806 --> 00:20:51,040 "Coming to a cinema near you." 486 00:20:52,015 --> 00:20:53,179 How the fucking hell do they know 487 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,413 where you are then, hey? 488 00:20:55,218 --> 00:20:57,309 The one about driving into an empty car park. 489 00:20:57,334 --> 00:20:58,924 I'll never know why it is when you drive into an 490 00:20:58,948 --> 00:21:01,456 empty car park, you never know where the fuck to park. 491 00:21:02,933 --> 00:21:04,995 Those are ingrained in your head and go nowhere, 492 00:21:04,996 --> 00:21:06,922 they ain't going anywhere. 493 00:21:06,923 --> 00:21:08,242 They're there for life. 494 00:21:08,243 --> 00:21:10,862 You can't forget what 495 00:21:10,863 --> 00:21:13,402 a jokesmith he was, that he was very 496 00:21:13,403 --> 00:21:15,382 much a traditional gag man. 497 00:21:15,638 --> 00:21:17,959 Took a girl home, went anal on me on the first night. 498 00:21:18,108 --> 00:21:20,102 Put all my CDs into alphabetical order. 499 00:21:22,043 --> 00:21:24,442 I'm half Italian, half Irish. 500 00:21:24,443 --> 00:21:25,683 How fucked up is that? 501 00:21:25,747 --> 00:21:28,221 We used to have stewed pizza for dinner. 502 00:21:28,703 --> 00:21:30,543 I'm never doing that vodka Red Bull again. 503 00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,813 I woke up doing press ups in the gutter. 504 00:21:35,283 --> 00:21:37,592 I was in bed with my wife, she said, Where's 505 00:21:37,593 --> 00:21:39,872 that man, where's that man who used to make love 506 00:21:39,873 --> 00:21:41,134 to me round the house? 507 00:21:41,135 --> 00:21:42,466 He used to make love to me in every room 508 00:21:42,490 --> 00:21:44,002 in the house, what happened to that man? 509 00:21:44,023 --> 00:21:45,653 I said, "I kicked the fucker out. He wasn't doing 510 00:21:45,677 --> 00:21:47,437 his washing up. Why should I stand for that?" 511 00:21:48,043 --> 00:21:51,153 Spider-Man was bitten by radioactive spider 512 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,920 And then become like a spider. 513 00:21:54,923 --> 00:21:57,344 Well, I must have been bitten by a radioactive cunt. 514 00:21:59,153 --> 00:22:01,402 Got me some of that extra virgin olive oil the 515 00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:03,142 other day, took it home. 516 00:22:03,143 --> 00:22:04,448 Someone's only fucked it. 517 00:22:05,039 --> 00:22:07,498 Which is like such a route one joke. 518 00:22:07,523 --> 00:22:09,870 Billy Connolly gave up drinking 'cause 519 00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:11,567 he said it made him boring. 520 00:22:11,933 --> 00:22:13,227 Wish I had that problem. 521 00:22:15,533 --> 00:22:17,692 I've never come to in a police cell and found 522 00:22:17,693 --> 00:22:19,844 myself there 'cause I'd been 523 00:22:19,869 --> 00:22:21,322 fucking boring. 524 00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:26,008 My street, it's a great street. We got Hindus and 525 00:22:26,033 --> 00:22:28,612 Muslims and Jews and Catholics, 526 00:22:28,613 --> 00:22:29,773 and we all get along great... 527 00:22:30,353 --> 00:22:31,545 'cause we all gang up on the Eskimos 528 00:22:31,569 --> 00:22:33,208 down the bottom of the fucking garden. 529 00:22:34,403 --> 00:22:36,047 And then what he'd do is go, 530 00:22:36,072 --> 00:22:37,072 "Any Eskies in?" 531 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,600 Any Eskies in tonight? Any Eskies in? 532 00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:42,825 Fucking wankers they are. 533 00:22:42,850 --> 00:22:45,564 "Any Eskies?" And it was 534 00:22:46,029 --> 00:22:49,244 the utter conviction with 535 00:22:49,277 --> 00:22:53,242 which he said it, it used to make me laugh every night. 536 00:22:53,243 --> 00:22:55,822 I had mistakenly thought that one of his lines 537 00:22:55,823 --> 00:22:58,342 was just like a sort of a little compering 538 00:22:58,343 --> 00:23:00,322 technique. It was the one where he goes up to a 539 00:23:00,323 --> 00:23:01,912 woman in the front row and says, 540 00:23:02,483 --> 00:23:04,468 Opal Fruits or Starbursts, darling, what do you say? 541 00:23:04,492 --> 00:23:05,528 Bath or shower? 542 00:23:05,553 --> 00:23:06,553 Stones or the Beatles? 543 00:23:07,133 --> 00:23:08,133 Dogs or cats? 544 00:23:08,158 --> 00:23:09,391 Cadbury or Galaxy? 545 00:23:09,743 --> 00:23:10,808 Marathon or Snickers? 546 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,200 Up the box or up the shitter? 547 00:23:17,023 --> 00:23:18,678 He got me fucking 548 00:23:18,703 --> 00:23:21,622 slung out of like one venue in Chippingham. 549 00:23:21,647 --> 00:23:23,040 We're doing the nail trick. He got it 550 00:23:23,064 --> 00:23:24,738 right through the projection screen. 551 00:23:24,763 --> 00:23:27,312 I could have happily fucking strangled 552 00:23:27,313 --> 00:23:30,822 him at the time, but, again, look back, and laugh. 553 00:23:30,823 --> 00:23:33,612 He walked onto the stage and he had this 554 00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:36,042 magnificent fedora hat on and he was carrying 555 00:23:36,043 --> 00:23:38,502 a hammer and he went to the back of the room 556 00:23:38,503 --> 00:23:41,082 and just banged into the wall and you realised he'd 557 00:23:41,083 --> 00:23:42,732 banged a nail into the wall and you thought, 558 00:23:42,733 --> 00:23:43,842 What's he doing? 559 00:23:43,843 --> 00:23:46,692 And then he just took off his hat and hung it 560 00:23:46,693 --> 00:23:48,492 on the nail. And you were just like, Oh, 561 00:23:48,493 --> 00:23:49,632 brilliant. 562 00:23:49,633 --> 00:23:51,972 And he went to the alpha male of the front row, 563 00:23:51,973 --> 00:23:53,802 and he just went, "Two things you need to know 564 00:23:53,803 --> 00:23:56,832 about me. One is I don't give a shit, 565 00:23:56,833 --> 00:23:58,572 and the other is I've got a hammer." 566 00:23:58,951 --> 00:24:01,358 It absolutely established him, okay? 567 00:24:01,383 --> 00:24:03,032 This is who I am. 568 00:24:03,033 --> 00:24:05,462 I'm going to be dangerous and 569 00:24:05,463 --> 00:24:07,622 I'm likely to be violent. 570 00:24:07,623 --> 00:24:10,112 And at the end of the set, got a big laugh and 571 00:24:10,113 --> 00:24:12,082 he goes, takes his hammer out and pulls it off 572 00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:14,642 the wall, removes half the wall, hence probably 573 00:24:14,643 --> 00:24:17,102 being banned for most clubs because if he did 574 00:24:17,103 --> 00:24:19,228 that to my club, I'd be pretty pissed off. 575 00:24:19,253 --> 00:24:21,231 And I did actually ask him once, I said, "You know, 576 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:22,623 do you ever get in trouble for hammering a 577 00:24:22,647 --> 00:24:25,560 nail into the wall?" He said, "I always ask them first." 578 00:24:25,593 --> 00:24:27,572 And then he got his guitar case out and this 579 00:24:27,573 --> 00:24:28,971 guitar case and the little pouch for spare 580 00:24:28,972 --> 00:24:32,906 strings, he actually had a tube of polyfiller. 581 00:24:33,703 --> 00:24:35,712 And he would actually fill the hole in after if 582 00:24:35,713 --> 00:24:37,062 there was any problem. 583 00:24:37,063 --> 00:24:38,516 Sorry, Cog, but it's true. 584 00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:40,552 It's a fact and you fucking know it. 585 00:24:40,553 --> 00:24:41,662 And you know why? 586 00:24:41,663 --> 00:24:43,102 Because of you. 587 00:24:43,103 --> 00:24:44,542 Yes you. 588 00:24:44,543 --> 00:24:47,062 Let's be honest, it could be exhausting, we 589 00:24:47,063 --> 00:24:49,552 all knew that. I think Sally Anne Hayward put 590 00:24:49,553 --> 00:24:52,312 it best when she said, like we've all got, 591 00:24:52,313 --> 00:24:55,809 we've all got an exhausting, mental Cognito story. 592 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,450 And I thought just one of those stories 593 00:24:59,143 --> 00:25:01,572 would exhaust me. But Cogs was 594 00:25:01,573 --> 00:25:03,581 in every single one. 595 00:25:03,713 --> 00:25:06,022 We took him to the train station on Sunday and we 596 00:25:06,023 --> 00:25:07,192 had an hour to kill. 597 00:25:07,193 --> 00:25:08,542 So we had a pint. 598 00:25:08,543 --> 00:25:10,342 So we took him to the train station on Monday 599 00:25:10,343 --> 00:25:11,842 and we had an hour to kill. 600 00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:13,222 So we had a pint. 601 00:25:13,223 --> 00:25:15,262 Then we took him to the train station on Tuesday. 602 00:25:15,263 --> 00:25:18,112 And Cogs just downs his drink 603 00:25:18,113 --> 00:25:19,642 and slings the glass at him. 604 00:25:19,643 --> 00:25:21,622 And then he ended up dancing on a balcony, but 605 00:25:21,623 --> 00:25:24,562 he had no pants on, so it was not a particularly nice sight. 606 00:25:24,563 --> 00:25:26,932 And when we landed, the South African police 607 00:25:26,933 --> 00:25:29,925 boarded the plane and took him, took him away. 608 00:25:29,950 --> 00:25:31,903 So he was arrested. 609 00:25:32,414 --> 00:25:35,402 And he made her cry. And he was like, "Susan, 610 00:25:35,472 --> 00:25:37,059 you're an old bird, you tell her", and I was 611 00:25:37,083 --> 00:25:39,028 like, "You got yourself into this mess, you 612 00:25:39,053 --> 00:25:40,172 get yourself out of this mess. 613 00:25:40,173 --> 00:25:41,632 I'm not having anything to do with it." 614 00:25:41,633 --> 00:25:44,422 I just heard otherworldly 615 00:25:44,423 --> 00:25:47,722 yelps and groans coming from inside a car wash. 616 00:25:47,723 --> 00:25:50,092 I opened the door and he's halfway down the 617 00:25:50,093 --> 00:25:52,952 corridor with this tub full of piss, 618 00:25:52,953 --> 00:25:55,642 right? And he's got a keycard in his mouth. 619 00:25:55,643 --> 00:25:56,723 He's going, "Fucking hell." 620 00:25:56,845 --> 00:25:59,010 He lost his balance and they both fell over 621 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,065 together. 622 00:26:00,198 --> 00:26:02,518 And he's projectile vomiting out of the 623 00:26:02,543 --> 00:26:03,832 passenger window. 624 00:26:03,833 --> 00:26:05,872 And then Cogs came back in the fire exit, 625 00:26:05,873 --> 00:26:08,984 slammed the door and went, "That's got rid of those cunts!" 626 00:26:09,009 --> 00:26:10,605 So I said, "When did you get him on the train?" 627 00:26:10,629 --> 00:26:11,952 He went, "Fucking Thursday, man." 628 00:26:13,142 --> 00:26:14,932 And he started saying, "Where's Nigel Klarfeld?" 629 00:26:14,933 --> 00:26:16,396 And we told him, "How are we meant to 630 00:26:16,421 --> 00:26:17,819 know, it's the middle of the night." 631 00:26:17,843 --> 00:26:19,823 And he just crashed into a tree. 632 00:26:20,395 --> 00:26:22,372 He looked at me and went, "How'd you do that 633 00:26:22,373 --> 00:26:23,482 fucking thing? 634 00:26:23,483 --> 00:26:24,791 That fucking thing?" I went, "What 635 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,120 do you mean?" And he went, "Stop!" 636 00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:30,120 Sixty percent Gypsy, thirty percent 637 00:26:30,143 --> 00:26:32,782 pirate and about twenty-two percent 638 00:26:32,783 --> 00:26:35,992 nut job. You know, I think I got the maths right there. 639 00:26:35,993 --> 00:26:38,290 The main ingredient you need to be a comic, 640 00:26:39,543 --> 00:26:43,062 and this is, this is, this is all you need, is 641 00:26:43,593 --> 00:26:46,802 really, really low self-esteem 642 00:26:46,803 --> 00:26:48,302 with a massive ego. 643 00:26:48,303 --> 00:26:51,062 I think with Ian, he was so sensitive 644 00:26:51,063 --> 00:26:53,582 and so vulnerable, I think he 645 00:26:53,583 --> 00:26:57,092 formed his own skin as it were, his own barrier 646 00:26:57,093 --> 00:26:59,342 to the world by using jokes and alcohol. 647 00:26:59,343 --> 00:27:02,012 He just like, was quite a 648 00:27:02,013 --> 00:27:03,182 sensitive bloke. 649 00:27:03,183 --> 00:27:05,672 He had sort of, he'd admit himself, kind of 650 00:27:05,673 --> 00:27:07,082 mental health difficulties. 651 00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:08,083 As do I. 652 00:27:08,223 --> 00:27:10,652 And it just, sometimes it had a bad 653 00:27:10,653 --> 00:27:13,292 effect on him. It just made him a bit paranoid 654 00:27:13,293 --> 00:27:15,272 and defensive and just made him think that 655 00:27:15,273 --> 00:27:18,212 people had it in for him and that kind of thing. 656 00:27:18,213 --> 00:27:20,432 A lot of it was him being upset rather than 657 00:27:20,433 --> 00:27:22,292 trying to upset people himself. 658 00:27:22,293 --> 00:27:24,842 There was a fragility about him as well. 659 00:27:24,843 --> 00:27:27,782 You know, there was a lot of bravado there and 660 00:27:27,783 --> 00:27:30,332 conviction in him. 661 00:27:30,333 --> 00:27:32,582 But that usually does hide 662 00:27:33,783 --> 00:27:35,252 a soft center, doesn't it? 663 00:27:35,253 --> 00:27:37,404 I said to him once, "You're quite nice bloke 664 00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:38,951 aren't you, Cogs?" And he'd go, 665 00:27:38,976 --> 00:27:40,705 "Yeah, don't fucking let that get out." 666 00:27:40,730 --> 00:27:41,862 Because I ain't nice. 667 00:27:41,863 --> 00:27:43,742 I've got two kids, nine and eleven, which are 668 00:27:43,743 --> 00:27:45,452 odd names I grant you, but you've got to call 669 00:27:45,453 --> 00:27:46,453 them something. 670 00:27:47,832 --> 00:27:50,009 Yeah, this is where he lived, where we lived for 671 00:27:50,010 --> 00:27:51,010 a lot of it as well. 672 00:27:51,223 --> 00:27:52,552 The boat's just down that way. 673 00:27:52,553 --> 00:27:54,912 It had like bind weed like coming in, coming in 674 00:27:54,913 --> 00:27:56,313 the windows. Actually at one 675 00:27:56,338 --> 00:27:59,984 time he had the fucking plastic. - And he just had a mattress - 676 00:28:00,009 --> 00:28:02,038 Yeah, because it leaked so much. 677 00:28:02,063 --> 00:28:03,779 He just had tarpaulin over a mattress. 678 00:28:03,804 --> 00:28:05,322 He didn't put the plastic, he didn't put the 679 00:28:05,323 --> 00:28:06,612 plastic over the, over the outside. 680 00:28:06,613 --> 00:28:08,982 He was sleeping in this kind of like Bedouin 681 00:28:08,983 --> 00:28:11,622 tent made of like, like crime scene 682 00:28:11,623 --> 00:28:13,723 plastic. It was weird. 683 00:28:13,748 --> 00:28:16,504 We all said to him, "Dad you've got to, 684 00:28:16,529 --> 00:28:18,385 come on, you've got to sort this out." 685 00:28:18,742 --> 00:28:20,328 "I like it like that. 686 00:28:20,353 --> 00:28:22,494 Does the job, I'm only sleeping in there." 687 00:28:22,970 --> 00:28:24,434 There's a lay-by up on the on the 688 00:28:24,458 --> 00:28:26,338 bypass. I think people were always quite 689 00:28:26,363 --> 00:28:28,612 alarmed and probably also quite 690 00:28:29,163 --> 00:28:31,128 "Well, that makes sense" about it when they had 691 00:28:31,129 --> 00:28:33,932 sort of drop him off on this completely nondescript 692 00:28:33,933 --> 00:28:36,602 lay-by with absolutely, seemingly nothing around. 693 00:28:36,603 --> 00:28:39,212 No buildings. Yeah, just drop him off there. 694 00:28:39,213 --> 00:28:41,162 And then he'd sort of waddle off. 695 00:28:41,163 --> 00:28:43,052 Yeah, with a guitar. 696 00:28:43,053 --> 00:28:44,762 Yeah, always with a guitar. 697 00:28:44,763 --> 00:28:47,402 And then up and over and down, disappearing 698 00:28:47,403 --> 00:28:50,092 into the woodlands till he next appeared. 699 00:28:50,093 --> 00:28:52,265 You are going to kind of romanticise it and 700 00:28:52,290 --> 00:28:54,826 fantasise it a little bit because it fits so 701 00:28:54,851 --> 00:28:56,307 well with what he was. Almost like the troll 702 00:28:56,331 --> 00:28:58,484 under the bridge, because that's essentially what it is. He goes 703 00:28:58,508 --> 00:28:59,912 down, down the 704 00:28:59,913 --> 00:29:02,612 little path, under the bridge to parts unknown 705 00:29:02,613 --> 00:29:05,272 that nobody knows and then lives there. 706 00:29:05,273 --> 00:29:07,284 The way they describe it is a lot more sort of 707 00:29:07,903 --> 00:29:09,848 "He wanders off and 708 00:29:09,873 --> 00:29:12,182 disappears and like melts through the bushes. 709 00:29:12,183 --> 00:29:14,192 And then, and then that's him gone and next time 710 00:29:14,193 --> 00:29:16,652 you see him is in some comedy club in 711 00:29:16,653 --> 00:29:18,877 Leicester." But yeah, 712 00:29:20,170 --> 00:29:21,842 it's completely different for us because, you know, 713 00:29:21,843 --> 00:29:23,434 we lived it. 714 00:29:25,023 --> 00:29:27,302 After he died, it became clear that so many 715 00:29:27,303 --> 00:29:28,982 different people thought that he was quite a 716 00:29:28,983 --> 00:29:31,682 special friend of theirs. 717 00:29:31,683 --> 00:29:34,112 I did, but the more people that 718 00:29:34,113 --> 00:29:36,128 described the feeling they felt they had with 719 00:29:36,153 --> 00:29:37,676 him and the connection they felt they had with 720 00:29:37,700 --> 00:29:40,202 him, the more I realised it wasn't unique. 721 00:29:40,203 --> 00:29:43,082 And that's not to say that he was disingenuous. 722 00:29:43,083 --> 00:29:45,513 He was just really good at making people feel 723 00:29:47,247 --> 00:29:48,372 that he was their friend. 724 00:29:48,373 --> 00:29:51,212 He would speak exactly the same tone to 725 00:29:51,213 --> 00:29:52,892 everybody he spoke to. I think that maybe that, 726 00:29:52,893 --> 00:29:54,512 maybe that's why it made people feel special, 727 00:29:54,513 --> 00:29:56,612 because it's quite a relief when someone's not 728 00:29:56,613 --> 00:29:58,472 trying to be somebody else. 729 00:29:58,473 --> 00:30:00,932 He didn't care whether you'd been going for 730 00:30:00,933 --> 00:30:03,122 twenty years or it was your first gig. 731 00:30:03,123 --> 00:30:05,732 He wanted to know about you and give you advice, 732 00:30:05,733 --> 00:30:08,502 some of which probably not welcome, 733 00:30:08,503 --> 00:30:09,572 may have been to stop. 734 00:30:09,573 --> 00:30:12,002 He accepted you as a comic just like he 735 00:30:12,003 --> 00:30:14,702 was, which I think is rare 736 00:30:14,703 --> 00:30:17,162 in a comic who's been going as long as he had 737 00:30:17,163 --> 00:30:19,652 at the time, to see newer 738 00:30:19,653 --> 00:30:22,588 acts and be 739 00:30:22,613 --> 00:30:25,865 that gracious and welcoming to them. 740 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,800 If he saw something in you or 741 00:30:28,823 --> 00:30:31,762 he liked a joke, he was very supportive 742 00:30:31,763 --> 00:30:34,042 and very complimentary, and it meant a hell of a 743 00:30:34,043 --> 00:30:36,892 lot when he said, "That bit you got, 744 00:30:36,893 --> 00:30:39,172 that bit about the toothpaste. 745 00:30:39,173 --> 00:30:41,032 I mean, I seen it coming, but that's a good 746 00:30:41,033 --> 00:30:42,432 bit". So he'd always want to, 747 00:30:43,913 --> 00:30:46,072 he'd always make it clear that he was like top dog. 748 00:30:46,073 --> 00:30:48,862 As things went on for him and as people around 749 00:30:48,863 --> 00:30:50,692 him started to progress, there were times he 750 00:30:50,693 --> 00:30:52,792 would be bitter about that and feel that he'd 751 00:30:52,793 --> 00:30:54,322 been stolen from and taken from. 752 00:30:54,323 --> 00:30:57,290 So if you talked about a new act you'd seen, 753 00:30:57,977 --> 00:31:01,139 he'd be like, "Yeah, I've heard they've seen Cognito." 754 00:31:01,277 --> 00:31:02,782 I've been in the dressing room and somebody's 755 00:31:02,783 --> 00:31:04,852 come in who's not done well and he's told them 756 00:31:04,853 --> 00:31:05,853 they were shit. 757 00:31:07,557 --> 00:31:09,592 All right. You're not expecting that because 758 00:31:09,593 --> 00:31:11,362 normally what happens is people go, "Oh, they're 759 00:31:11,363 --> 00:31:14,268 a bit of a tough crowd, aren't they?" He'd go, 760 00:31:14,293 --> 00:31:15,652 "That was shit, weren't it?" 761 00:31:15,653 --> 00:31:17,752 You go "Fucking hell mate, Jesus Christ, he's 762 00:31:17,753 --> 00:31:19,012 probably crying inside." 763 00:31:19,013 --> 00:31:22,012 Get used to it, get fucking used to it! 764 00:31:22,013 --> 00:31:24,082 I mean, he was larger than life on stage. 765 00:31:24,083 --> 00:31:26,182 Offstage, he was quite an unassuming guy. 766 00:31:26,183 --> 00:31:28,042 I did a gig with him once, I think I was 767 00:31:28,043 --> 00:31:30,712 compering, and I introduced Ian Cognito 768 00:31:30,713 --> 00:31:33,142 and there was a very, very posh Kensington woman 769 00:31:33,143 --> 00:31:35,302 in the front row and Cogs zeroed in on her 770 00:31:35,303 --> 00:31:36,622 straight away. 771 00:31:36,623 --> 00:31:39,262 But he was incredibly funny, brilliantly funny 772 00:31:39,263 --> 00:31:41,699 that night, and he was slagging her off, so 773 00:31:41,724 --> 00:31:45,112 rude to her. After the gig, he gets offstage 774 00:31:45,113 --> 00:31:47,482 and we're sitting in the backstage area. 775 00:31:47,483 --> 00:31:50,428 This woman walked in, steaming, 776 00:31:50,453 --> 00:31:52,042 I mean, I thought she was going to hit him and 777 00:31:52,043 --> 00:31:54,925 she goes up to him and she goes, "Do you work here?" 778 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,160 And he goes, 779 00:31:57,173 --> 00:31:59,632 "Yeah" and she goes, "That last 780 00:31:59,633 --> 00:32:01,462 act - he was disgusting." 781 00:32:01,463 --> 00:32:03,742 And he said, "Well, madam, that is outrageous. 782 00:32:03,743 --> 00:32:05,452 That is outrageous. I'm going, we're going to 783 00:32:05,453 --> 00:32:07,852 talk to the Booker and we'll make sure that act 784 00:32:07,853 --> 00:32:10,154 never comes here again." And she goes, "Okay, thank 785 00:32:10,179 --> 00:32:11,812 you." And she storms out. 786 00:32:11,813 --> 00:32:14,872 And I thought to myself, Wow, 787 00:32:14,873 --> 00:32:16,222 how has she not seen? 788 00:32:16,223 --> 00:32:18,082 But the reason she's not seen is because he 789 00:32:18,083 --> 00:32:21,052 looked like he was six foot five on stage. 790 00:32:21,053 --> 00:32:23,632 But the truth is, he was a little five foot four 791 00:32:23,633 --> 00:32:26,182 Italian Irish guy, and it was such a difference 792 00:32:26,183 --> 00:32:27,322 that people couldn't tell. 793 00:32:27,323 --> 00:32:30,112 I found out his actual name 794 00:32:30,113 --> 00:32:33,202 when the policeman was trying to identify 795 00:32:33,203 --> 00:32:34,632 who he was on the night. 796 00:32:34,633 --> 00:32:37,192 I knew his name was Paul, but it just 797 00:32:37,193 --> 00:32:39,712 felt weird. Like calling your fucking 798 00:32:39,713 --> 00:32:42,262 Dad by his first name, innit. 799 00:32:42,263 --> 00:32:44,842 I have some vague recollection that he talked 800 00:32:44,843 --> 00:32:47,472 to me about, you know, about being 801 00:32:47,793 --> 00:32:49,768 a play on "incognito." 802 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,329 I don't want to be known. 803 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,532 I want to be out there, but not known. 804 00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,799 I only knew what his name was after he died, and 805 00:32:55,824 --> 00:32:57,289 I read it in the paper. 806 00:32:57,314 --> 00:32:58,673 I never knew. Why would you want to know? 807 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:00,270 He used to be quite guarded about that, 808 00:33:00,953 --> 00:33:03,648 about his name, he used to hate the idea of 809 00:33:03,673 --> 00:33:05,834 people knowing that was his actual name. 810 00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,888 He once told me that "Ian Cognito" was just an 811 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:10,833 anagram of "gin and tonic" apparently. 812 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,669 If he was really pissing me off I would call him Paul. 813 00:33:14,153 --> 00:33:16,581 But if he wasn't I'd call him Cogs 'cause Cogs was 814 00:33:16,606 --> 00:33:18,772 like sort of like a fond name, 815 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:22,410 you know? So obviously I called him Paul a fair bit. 816 00:33:24,184 --> 00:33:26,692 'Cause he came from that early alternative 817 00:33:26,693 --> 00:33:29,212 comedy scene where almost all comics 818 00:33:29,213 --> 00:33:31,282 had a stage name. 819 00:33:31,283 --> 00:33:33,742 And, you know, the subsequent twenty-five 820 00:33:33,743 --> 00:33:35,722 years, hardly anyone does. 821 00:33:35,723 --> 00:33:37,192 But they all had funny names, didn't they? 822 00:33:37,193 --> 00:33:38,193 Back in the '80s. 823 00:33:39,203 --> 00:33:41,182 So Ian Cognito, right? It's a gag. 824 00:33:41,183 --> 00:33:43,942 I found out his name because on the 825 00:33:43,943 --> 00:33:46,492 the VRN form, you have to write down 826 00:33:46,493 --> 00:33:48,592 the information of the person who's buying the 827 00:33:48,593 --> 00:33:50,640 car. And I said, "Cogs, I need your name and the 828 00:33:50,665 --> 00:33:52,524 address for this" and he went, "Who are you, the fucking 829 00:33:52,548 --> 00:33:53,548 tax man?" 830 00:33:54,558 --> 00:33:56,572 I said, "No, I just - I need your real name and 831 00:33:56,573 --> 00:33:58,472 your address." So he said, "All right. 832 00:33:58,473 --> 00:33:59,473 I'll write it." 833 00:34:00,118 --> 00:34:02,697 So he wrote it down, "Paul Barbieri, 834 00:34:02,753 --> 00:34:04,313 P.O. Box 1, Bristol." 835 00:34:05,356 --> 00:34:06,864 I will just say it's nice to be back here, I 836 00:34:06,865 --> 00:34:08,778 had to take a couple of years out of the comedy 837 00:34:08,803 --> 00:34:11,058 game 'cause I was worried that the late nights, 838 00:34:11,083 --> 00:34:12,742 the adulation, the drug 839 00:34:12,743 --> 00:34:15,744 taking, the drinking, the - let's not deny it - 840 00:34:15,769 --> 00:34:18,832 the sex, I was worried it was turnng me into a 841 00:34:18,857 --> 00:34:19,857 bit of a cunt, 842 00:34:20,900 --> 00:34:22,552 so I took a couple of years off to get to know 843 00:34:22,553 --> 00:34:24,682 myself and it turns out I am a bit of a cunt so 844 00:34:24,683 --> 00:34:28,558 fuck it, might as well earn a few quid, eh? 845 00:34:28,657 --> 00:34:30,462 Whoever it was wrote about him that he was a 846 00:34:30,463 --> 00:34:32,562 sheep in wolf's clothing. 847 00:34:32,563 --> 00:34:34,182 Absolutely nailed it. 848 00:34:34,183 --> 00:34:37,062 Paul was very warm and 849 00:34:38,203 --> 00:34:40,841 very accepting, and he made 850 00:34:40,842 --> 00:34:42,943 you feel good about what you were doing. 851 00:34:44,063 --> 00:34:45,861 And he was really fulsome in his praise for 852 00:34:45,862 --> 00:34:47,901 people, and he was a real fan of people, not 853 00:34:47,902 --> 00:34:50,171 just comedians, but he was a fan of his friends. 854 00:34:50,172 --> 00:34:52,072 He, he enjoyed his friends very much. 855 00:34:54,053 --> 00:34:55,057 Ian Cognito was a cunt. 856 00:34:56,210 --> 00:34:58,902 Okay, I'm here today with the wonderful legendary 857 00:34:58,903 --> 00:35:00,490 Ian Cognito. How are you doing, Ian? 858 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,600 I'm all right, hot and bothered at the moment but 859 00:35:02,623 --> 00:35:03,876 other than that, yeah, good. 860 00:35:03,901 --> 00:35:05,263 So you're in Edinburgh for the first time 861 00:35:05,287 --> 00:35:06,649 in a long time doing your own show, yeah? 862 00:35:06,673 --> 00:35:08,728 Fifteen years since I've been doing my own show, 863 00:35:08,753 --> 00:35:10,669 I mean I've been up here on and off other than that, 864 00:35:10,693 --> 00:35:11,922 but you know. 865 00:35:11,923 --> 00:35:13,272 So what's your show about this year? 866 00:35:13,273 --> 00:35:14,802 It's called Trouble With Comedy. 867 00:35:14,803 --> 00:35:16,572 It's about the fact that after twenty-eight 868 00:35:16,573 --> 00:35:19,062 years, nobody knows who the fuck I am. 869 00:35:19,063 --> 00:35:20,984 - I've never seen you, but I've heard about you. 870 00:35:21,009 --> 00:35:23,382 They know me in the business, but I'm having trouble getting 871 00:35:23,383 --> 00:35:24,442 across to the general public. 872 00:35:24,443 --> 00:35:25,817 But I feel this is gonna rocket my career. 873 00:35:25,841 --> 00:35:26,982 Why do you think that is? 874 00:35:26,983 --> 00:35:28,263 Because I've never been on telly. 875 00:35:54,433 --> 00:35:56,472 Back in the '90s, if you went on telly, it 876 00:35:56,473 --> 00:35:58,422 was seen as completely selling out. 877 00:35:58,423 --> 00:36:01,272 Stand up was about the alternative to telly. 878 00:36:01,273 --> 00:36:03,882 Now it is, you know, rightly or wrongly, 879 00:36:03,883 --> 00:36:05,292 it's a part of telly, isn't it? 880 00:36:05,293 --> 00:36:06,552 That's what stand-Up is. 881 00:36:06,553 --> 00:36:09,012 But he was still that, "No, no, no, you don't go 882 00:36:09,013 --> 00:36:11,472 on telly. Stand-up should be in a room above 883 00:36:11,473 --> 00:36:13,998 a pub. It should be dirty and grotty." 884 00:36:14,023 --> 00:36:17,506 And he was still like that right up to the end. 885 00:36:17,531 --> 00:36:20,712 But he was never distracted by 886 00:36:20,713 --> 00:36:23,022 trying to impress TV people. 887 00:36:23,023 --> 00:36:25,452 In fact, he wore it almost as a badge of honor 888 00:36:25,453 --> 00:36:27,462 that he didn't work in television. 889 00:36:27,463 --> 00:36:29,022 He didn't want to compromise. 890 00:36:29,023 --> 00:36:31,512 Jack Dee - teetotaler - does an advert 891 00:36:31,513 --> 00:36:33,948 for John Smith's. Peter Kay - 892 00:36:33,973 --> 00:36:37,409 teetotaler - does an advert for John Smith's. 893 00:36:37,453 --> 00:36:38,592 Johnny Vegas. 894 00:36:38,593 --> 00:36:40,662 I've never seen that fat cunt have a cup of tea 895 00:36:40,663 --> 00:36:42,462 in his fucking life. 896 00:36:42,463 --> 00:36:45,462 He believed that if you were going to do comedy 897 00:36:45,463 --> 00:36:47,712 and you were going to do comedy on TV, it had to 898 00:36:47,713 --> 00:36:49,092 be who you were. 899 00:36:49,093 --> 00:36:51,012 Why would you change? 900 00:36:51,013 --> 00:36:53,562 And so very quickly on 901 00:36:53,563 --> 00:36:56,352 all the offers that he got, they came 902 00:36:56,353 --> 00:36:57,432 up against a brick wall. 903 00:36:57,433 --> 00:36:59,412 I think the reason why he wasn't on TV is 904 00:36:59,413 --> 00:37:01,452 cowardice from the industry. That's what it was. 905 00:37:01,453 --> 00:37:04,182 And also the other side of it is, television 906 00:37:04,183 --> 00:37:06,642 didn't really want him because he was 907 00:37:06,643 --> 00:37:09,192 very anarchic. He was unpredictable, and 908 00:37:09,193 --> 00:37:11,592 sometimes there was carnage at the performances. 909 00:37:11,593 --> 00:37:14,112 Once you stop being compliant with, with 910 00:37:14,113 --> 00:37:16,662 TV people and they realise they can't manipulate 911 00:37:16,663 --> 00:37:19,242 you, they're not interested in you because 912 00:37:19,243 --> 00:37:21,642 they're not interested in the sort of out of 913 00:37:21,643 --> 00:37:23,775 control wildness, they're interested 914 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,560 in kind of controlled, we want you to do 915 00:37:26,589 --> 00:37:27,978 this for our show. 916 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:29,600 I've had the reviews. 917 00:37:29,603 --> 00:37:31,462 He's exciting. He's unpredictable. 918 00:37:31,463 --> 00:37:34,567 He's, he's, funny. I had that once. 919 00:37:35,950 --> 00:37:38,542 I had one in The Guardian that said, "Ian Cognito is 920 00:37:38,543 --> 00:37:41,092 dangerously explosive," which is all very well, 921 00:37:41,093 --> 00:37:42,982 but nobody turned up to the fucking Belfast gig. 922 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,240 In the late '90s, 2000s, this new 923 00:37:49,253 --> 00:37:50,482 breed of comedian started 924 00:37:50,483 --> 00:37:53,932 turning up, who were very professional 925 00:37:53,933 --> 00:37:56,452 suited and booted, had material that was 926 00:37:56,453 --> 00:37:59,362 not necessarily controversial, 927 00:37:59,363 --> 00:38:01,942 but was very TV friendly and they 928 00:38:01,943 --> 00:38:04,442 were on a - they were on 929 00:38:04,443 --> 00:38:06,826 a kind of path - to some sort 930 00:38:06,851 --> 00:38:08,222 of success, whether it's getting their own 931 00:38:08,223 --> 00:38:10,562 series on Radio Four or something like that. 932 00:38:10,563 --> 00:38:13,112 And I think he really thought 933 00:38:13,113 --> 00:38:14,542 people like that were wankers. 934 00:38:14,567 --> 00:38:16,682 Here I am twenty eight years in the business, 935 00:38:16,683 --> 00:38:18,092 never been on fucking telly. 936 00:38:18,093 --> 00:38:19,382 Never won an award. 937 00:38:19,383 --> 00:38:20,592 No awards for me. 938 00:38:20,617 --> 00:38:22,175 Imagine how I felt when I went to the Chef 939 00:38:22,199 --> 00:38:23,683 and Brewer pub the other day, picked up the 940 00:38:23,707 --> 00:38:26,012 menu, which said, "Try one of our award-winning 941 00:38:26,013 --> 00:38:28,243 sausages." I thought, "Oh, that's fucking great. 942 00:38:29,343 --> 00:38:30,962 I can't get fuck all but there's a fucking 943 00:38:30,963 --> 00:38:31,963 sausage out there." 944 00:38:33,213 --> 00:38:35,312 Could you imagine at the time, at the peak of 945 00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:36,962 his powers, particularly in the early '90s, when 946 00:38:36,963 --> 00:38:38,582 there's nobody better than him in the country as 947 00:38:38,583 --> 00:38:41,012 a live performer and there are fucking a lot of 948 00:38:41,013 --> 00:38:43,052 weaker acts getting all over TV. 949 00:38:43,053 --> 00:38:45,277 That would fucking piss you off, wouldn't it? 950 00:38:45,302 --> 00:38:47,072 Don't care. Never been on telly. Fuck it. 951 00:38:47,097 --> 00:38:48,362 Never been on telly. 952 00:38:48,363 --> 00:38:50,012 I ain't lucky, that's my problem. 953 00:38:50,013 --> 00:38:52,562 Oh yeah. There was Lloyd, he's been on the fucking 954 00:38:52,563 --> 00:38:53,672 telly. Me never. 955 00:38:53,673 --> 00:38:56,462 Never been on telly, never fucking once been on telly. 956 00:38:56,463 --> 00:38:58,952 I think he actually did want to be on telly, but 957 00:38:58,953 --> 00:39:01,952 actually he wanted to hate the people 958 00:39:01,953 --> 00:39:05,432 that were on telly and not identify with them. 959 00:39:05,433 --> 00:39:08,352 I could say that: "Hollywood don't want me. 960 00:39:08,353 --> 00:39:09,665 No, Hollywood won't have me." 961 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:11,880 Well, Bob, if you went over and auditioned and 962 00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:13,488 learnt to act. "No, no, no, I'm not 963 00:39:13,513 --> 00:39:16,418 playing their game, they don't want me. 964 00:39:16,443 --> 00:39:17,642 I don't care." 965 00:39:17,643 --> 00:39:19,832 But when we started off in alternative comedy, I 966 00:39:19,833 --> 00:39:23,111 didn't know it was all gonna go quite as telly as it has done. 967 00:39:23,193 --> 00:39:25,239 And do you kinda rail against that type of comedy? 968 00:39:25,264 --> 00:39:28,362 I suppose I do a bit yeah, you know, 969 00:39:28,387 --> 00:39:29,987 and then maybe it's my own fault because I need 970 00:39:30,011 --> 00:39:31,587 someone to kick against so if I didn't have that 971 00:39:31,611 --> 00:39:33,415 I wouldn't be the comedian I am, really. 972 00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,560 You can't just blame the 973 00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:38,282 sensibilities of program makers. 974 00:39:38,283 --> 00:39:41,162 I mean, what we say live on stage 975 00:39:41,163 --> 00:39:42,662 compared to what we're allowed to say on 976 00:39:42,663 --> 00:39:44,252 television is extraordinary. 977 00:39:44,253 --> 00:39:47,072 What we protect the viewing public from 978 00:39:47,073 --> 00:39:49,292 that actually then if they go and see it in, in 979 00:39:49,293 --> 00:39:51,992 a live circumstance is perfectly acceptable. 980 00:39:51,993 --> 00:39:54,062 The gulf between those two things is extraordinary. 981 00:39:54,063 --> 00:39:55,868 You know you're getting old, right, when the 982 00:39:55,893 --> 00:39:58,322 president of the United States is younger than 983 00:39:58,323 --> 00:40:01,022 you. Mind you, you know you're getting old 984 00:40:01,023 --> 00:40:02,822 when the president of the United States is 985 00:40:02,823 --> 00:40:03,823 blacker than you. 986 00:40:05,643 --> 00:40:07,110 Now let's analyze that. 987 00:40:08,416 --> 00:40:10,292 You think I didn't know that would get a little 988 00:40:10,293 --> 00:40:12,992 bit of a. It ain't even fucking racist, 989 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:16,851 is it? It's what we call in the comedy business - a fact. 990 00:40:18,943 --> 00:40:20,631 And you can't boo a fact. 991 00:40:21,746 --> 00:40:24,248 He's one of the comics who reminds you how 992 00:40:24,273 --> 00:40:26,702 important and how much better live comedy is a 993 00:40:26,703 --> 00:40:28,922 lot of the time. You've got the jeopardy that it 994 00:40:28,923 --> 00:40:31,472 could go wrong and that the comic could have 995 00:40:31,473 --> 00:40:32,473 a bad gig. 996 00:40:36,070 --> 00:40:38,043 It's alright darling, I'm a professional. 997 00:40:38,511 --> 00:40:41,642 Through the years doing telly 998 00:40:41,643 --> 00:40:44,462 comedy, I have witnessed 999 00:40:44,463 --> 00:40:47,432 a massive snobbery 1000 00:40:47,433 --> 00:40:49,952 towards the circuit 1001 00:40:49,953 --> 00:40:52,502 that Cogs ruled and in 1002 00:40:52,503 --> 00:40:55,022 fact, "circuit comic" being used as a 1003 00:40:55,023 --> 00:40:57,062 dismissive term about someone. 1004 00:40:57,063 --> 00:41:00,152 And I'm like, "Damn it, they're the foot soldiers. 1005 00:41:00,153 --> 00:41:02,984 We are the foot soldiers of the entertainment industry." 1006 00:41:03,009 --> 00:41:04,742 So there was always talk all the time that 1007 00:41:04,743 --> 00:41:06,182 Cognito could break through. 1008 00:41:06,183 --> 00:41:09,212 But what happened was through his anarchic ways, 1009 00:41:09,213 --> 00:41:12,062 he would always make sure that 1010 00:41:12,063 --> 00:41:14,492 he did everything possible not to achieve the 1011 00:41:14,493 --> 00:41:15,722 best he could. 1012 00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:17,972 So yes, he could do it on stage, but then all 1013 00:41:17,973 --> 00:41:20,462 the antics offstage would ensure that it 1014 00:41:20,463 --> 00:41:22,022 never went forward any more. 1015 00:41:22,023 --> 00:41:25,082 He had a real self-destruct button. 1016 00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:26,892 When things were going great, if there was a 1017 00:41:26,893 --> 00:41:29,372 button in front of him he'd bang it just 1018 00:41:29,373 --> 00:41:30,391 to see what happened. 1019 00:41:30,783 --> 00:41:32,642 Why did Cognito blow it? 1020 00:41:32,643 --> 00:41:35,672 I think he hated the whole idea 1021 00:41:35,673 --> 00:41:36,992 of being famous. 1022 00:41:36,993 --> 00:41:39,362 I think he'd like to see himself as a sort of 1023 00:41:39,363 --> 00:41:40,832 wandering troubadour. 1024 00:41:40,833 --> 00:41:43,184 I actually cycled to Bristol 1025 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:46,320 Templemeads, got the train to Bristol Airport, 1026 00:41:46,323 --> 00:41:49,022 flew up to Newcastle, got 1027 00:41:49,023 --> 00:41:51,462 the Metro into Newcastle, got 1028 00:41:51,463 --> 00:41:53,942 the fucking train to Wylam 1029 00:41:53,943 --> 00:41:56,588 and then a bus, one pound fucking ninety-five, 1030 00:41:56,613 --> 00:41:58,172 up the hill. 1031 00:41:58,173 --> 00:42:01,052 I'm staying in a farmhouse up the road, 1032 00:42:01,053 --> 00:42:03,242 room number one, have a wash, see me back there. 1033 00:42:04,746 --> 00:42:08,132 If you'd given him like a shiny floor, 1034 00:42:08,133 --> 00:42:10,712 lights and sound studio, 1035 00:42:10,713 --> 00:42:12,713 I don't know how he would have 1036 00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:17,200 made sense in that world because he doesn't. 1037 00:42:17,223 --> 00:42:19,775 There's some footage of him at a, like a benefit gig, 1038 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,120 and it's great, but 1039 00:42:22,143 --> 00:42:24,932 it's not quite right. 1040 00:42:25,383 --> 00:42:27,072 I did it about a month ago. 1041 00:42:27,073 --> 00:42:28,482 And I'll tell you what me six options were, 1042 00:42:28,483 --> 00:42:30,432 right? Option number one if it came up on the 1043 00:42:30,433 --> 00:42:32,207 dice, I was going to have a nice cup of Earl Grey 1044 00:42:32,208 --> 00:42:34,249 tea in a co, carpet, co, oh fucking, 1045 00:42:34,274 --> 00:42:36,489 fucking hell. Look at that, hey? 1046 00:42:36,517 --> 00:42:38,079 Cause they're all back there, they've all done 1047 00:42:38,103 --> 00:42:39,766 all this before and they're all going, "No I'm not 1048 00:42:39,790 --> 00:42:41,912 nervous at all." I'm going, "Fucking arseholes!" 1049 00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:46,305 The last time I had a good chat with him, we were standing 1050 00:42:47,333 --> 00:42:49,382 in one of these festivals, behind one of these 1051 00:42:49,383 --> 00:42:51,014 tents, I hate them gigs anyway. 1052 00:42:51,039 --> 00:42:52,802 "Ian," I said, "that was really good what you've 1053 00:42:52,803 --> 00:42:55,322 just done there." I said, "I know you've probably 1054 00:42:55,323 --> 00:42:57,758 heard it a million times, " I said, " but 1055 00:42:57,783 --> 00:43:00,368 you know what mate you could have cracked it and 1056 00:43:00,393 --> 00:43:01,892 you probably still can." 1057 00:43:01,893 --> 00:43:03,173 And you know what he said to me? 1058 00:43:04,123 --> 00:43:07,158 "Have a guess what Rick?" He went, "I don't wanna 1059 00:43:07,183 --> 00:43:11,240 crack it." And I got what he meant. 1060 00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,160 I got what he meant and what he meant is, 1061 00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:16,785 he didn't want to play their game. 1062 00:43:17,863 --> 00:43:20,142 If option number six came up on the dice, I was 1063 00:43:20,143 --> 00:43:21,912 going to agree to do that gig in Islington 1064 00:43:21,913 --> 00:43:23,314 that's full of TVs stars where 1065 00:43:23,338 --> 00:43:25,068 you're not even on the fucking poster 1066 00:43:25,093 --> 00:43:26,352 and you're on second. 1067 00:43:30,623 --> 00:43:32,632 This is when I first got to know him, because he 1068 00:43:32,633 --> 00:43:35,368 went, he says, "I don't know which room I was in 1069 00:43:35,393 --> 00:43:37,513 but I've pissed in somebody's room and it wasn't mine. 1070 00:43:51,938 --> 00:43:54,642 I go off to Singapore to see a friend of mine. 1071 00:43:54,722 --> 00:43:57,332 And I come back and Cogs has been up north doing 1072 00:43:57,333 --> 00:43:59,882 shows. I come back and he went, "Oh, I 1073 00:43:59,883 --> 00:44:02,258 might have got into a bit of trouble." He always understated 1074 00:44:02,283 --> 00:44:04,922 what had happened - quite sheepish. 1075 00:44:04,923 --> 00:44:07,382 And then I got seven summonses 1076 00:44:07,383 --> 00:44:09,018 through the post, all in my name. 1077 00:44:10,092 --> 00:44:13,375 Oh no. I didn't say that. 1078 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,651 Oh no. Didn't tell you you... 1079 00:44:20,193 --> 00:44:21,439 But they say once you admit you're an 1080 00:44:21,463 --> 00:44:23,347 alcoholic you've got the problem beat. 1081 00:44:24,109 --> 00:44:25,351 I'm an alcoholic, cheers. 1082 00:44:26,722 --> 00:44:29,343 There's a certain drink may be three in or two in 1083 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:31,688 where you feel good and 1084 00:44:31,713 --> 00:44:33,482 that comes with all addictions. 1085 00:44:33,483 --> 00:44:36,412 And I think when Ian drunk when he was on stage, 1086 00:44:36,789 --> 00:44:41,062 he was trying to get that good moment to work with... 1087 00:44:41,087 --> 00:44:43,262 And of course, like all addicts, 1088 00:44:43,713 --> 00:44:45,212 you can't stop. 1089 00:44:45,213 --> 00:44:47,828 That's my problem. Like a drink, don't I, like a drink! 1090 00:44:47,853 --> 00:44:50,342 Ian Cognito was a self-confessed alcoholic. 1091 00:44:50,343 --> 00:44:51,603 So we don't need to judge him. 1092 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:53,800 And the first pint of Guinness, he'd be 1093 00:44:53,823 --> 00:44:56,342 charming, funny, 1094 00:44:56,343 --> 00:44:57,902 complimentary, debonair. 1095 00:44:57,903 --> 00:45:00,152 And then the fourth pint, look out, you know, he 1096 00:45:00,153 --> 00:45:02,432 would turn and he would turn like that. 1097 00:45:02,433 --> 00:45:05,042 You could be having a perfectly normal 1098 00:45:05,043 --> 00:45:07,532 chat with him, and he'd just 1099 00:45:07,533 --> 00:45:09,692 turn on you for no reason. 1100 00:45:09,693 --> 00:45:11,882 My relationship with Cogs came to an end after 1101 00:45:11,883 --> 00:45:13,322 he headbutted me one night. 1102 00:45:13,323 --> 00:45:14,942 He was totally out of it. 1103 00:45:14,943 --> 00:45:17,072 He didn't even remember that he did it. 1104 00:45:17,073 --> 00:45:18,722 But for me personally, I just thought, this has 1105 00:45:18,723 --> 00:45:19,892 now gone the wrong way. 1106 00:45:19,893 --> 00:45:21,632 You can't manage somebody that headbutts you. 1107 00:45:21,633 --> 00:45:24,552 It usually involved red wine or whisky about one AM. 1108 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,920 Out of the blue he goes, "What's all this fucking 1109 00:45:26,943 --> 00:45:28,842 cake shit you do then?" 1110 00:45:28,843 --> 00:45:31,322 But the next day it was, "Oh, 1111 00:45:31,323 --> 00:45:33,482 sorry darling, I was a bit of a cunt last night, 1112 00:45:33,483 --> 00:45:34,862 wasn't I?" 1113 00:45:34,863 --> 00:45:36,060 Shall I get you a breakfast? 1114 00:45:36,477 --> 00:45:39,308 Next morning I get woken up by my phone and it's Cogs and 1115 00:45:39,333 --> 00:45:41,942 he just goes, "Sorry, boy, I'll 1116 00:45:41,943 --> 00:45:43,202 buy you breakfast." 1117 00:45:43,203 --> 00:45:45,182 You could never fall out with him for longer 1118 00:45:45,183 --> 00:45:47,338 than about three or four hours 1119 00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:51,200 Hundred pound a week on booze and 1120 00:45:51,213 --> 00:45:54,032 if you multiply that by the fifty two 1121 00:45:54,033 --> 00:45:56,732 weeks that are in the year, I don't need to tell 1122 00:45:56,733 --> 00:45:59,282 you lot that is five thousand two 1123 00:45:59,283 --> 00:46:02,532 hundred pounds a year on booze. 1124 00:46:02,533 --> 00:46:05,228 And when you say it like that, don't sound so 1125 00:46:05,261 --> 00:46:06,777 fucking bad, does it? 1126 00:46:08,506 --> 00:46:10,232 We didn't see him all the time, and sometimes 1127 00:46:10,233 --> 00:46:12,340 you would come over and you'd be like, "No, can't go down there, 1128 00:46:12,364 --> 00:46:14,182 got a bit pissed the other night." 1129 00:46:14,207 --> 00:46:15,782 He would always say just don't 1130 00:46:15,783 --> 00:46:17,132 shit on your doorstep. 1131 00:46:17,133 --> 00:46:19,082 So if he'd come down here, maybe had a few too 1132 00:46:19,083 --> 00:46:21,489 many, offend someone, that's your neighbor, isn't it? 1133 00:46:21,809 --> 00:46:25,412 Or, just - he didn't like people being that familiar 1134 00:46:25,413 --> 00:46:27,932 with him. Even his neighbors, he 1135 00:46:27,933 --> 00:46:31,928 didn't want them to know who or what he was about. 1136 00:46:31,953 --> 00:46:34,202 I think Paul's relationship with the booze 1137 00:46:34,203 --> 00:46:37,442 totally came out of his need 1138 00:46:37,443 --> 00:46:39,663 to relax 1139 00:46:40,683 --> 00:46:43,352 in company. I think he cultivated 1140 00:46:43,353 --> 00:46:46,592 a persona which obviously became 1141 00:46:46,593 --> 00:46:49,022 Ian Cognito that could 1142 00:46:49,023 --> 00:46:51,482 deal with people and 1143 00:46:51,483 --> 00:46:53,162 that persona needed drink. 1144 00:46:53,163 --> 00:46:55,742 And that happened something like five, 1145 00:46:55,743 --> 00:46:57,902 six years into our relationship. I started 1146 00:46:57,903 --> 00:46:59,264 noticing this. 1147 00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:02,067 And yeah, it was pretty uncomfortable. 1148 00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:03,775 Eventually I did see a doctor who told me 1149 00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:05,256 straight he said "If you carry on drinking, 1150 00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,311 you're going to die." I said, "Why's that then?" He said, 1151 00:47:07,335 --> 00:47:08,615 "'Cause that's my fucking pint." 1152 00:47:09,515 --> 00:47:11,039 But I think it was all down to the fact he was 1153 00:47:11,063 --> 00:47:14,398 trying to numb the pain of life really, like 1154 00:47:14,423 --> 00:47:17,131 most people who have trouble with drink. 1155 00:47:17,645 --> 00:47:19,709 He didn't have trouble with it, it was very good at it. 1156 00:47:19,733 --> 00:47:21,772 Myself and Pierre Hollins went to visit him on 1157 00:47:21,773 --> 00:47:24,401 his boat. Cogs was drinking can 1158 00:47:24,426 --> 00:47:26,692 after can and I counted them, it was eighteen, 1159 00:47:26,693 --> 00:47:29,182 eighteen cans of beer and 1160 00:47:29,183 --> 00:47:30,888 then he got started on the red wine about four 1161 00:47:30,889 --> 00:47:32,152 thirty in the morning. 1162 00:47:32,153 --> 00:47:33,892 So I've gone into the doctors. I said, "I can't 1163 00:47:33,893 --> 00:47:35,722 sleep at night. I'm paranoid. 1164 00:47:35,723 --> 00:47:37,552 I can't keep my food down and I can't get an 1165 00:47:37,553 --> 00:47:39,873 erection." I fucking can. It's a joke. 1166 00:47:41,874 --> 00:47:43,072 He said to me, "You drink too much." 1167 00:47:43,073 --> 00:47:44,242 I said, "How can you tell?" He said, 1168 00:47:44,266 --> 00:47:46,162 "This is a chip shop, you drunk cunt". 1169 00:47:46,163 --> 00:47:48,831 We used to do the Glee Club in Birmingham 1170 00:47:49,093 --> 00:47:52,122 and they would put you up at quite a nice hotel. 1171 00:47:52,123 --> 00:47:54,882 And then one day Cogs threw a telly 1172 00:47:54,883 --> 00:47:57,612 out the window, and then after that, 1173 00:47:57,613 --> 00:48:00,402 we weren't allowed to stay in that nice hotel 1174 00:48:00,403 --> 00:48:03,106 anymore. We had to stay in like a B&B. 1175 00:48:03,433 --> 00:48:06,162 And so everyone was really pissed off with him 1176 00:48:06,163 --> 00:48:08,592 because he'd ruined that little sort 1177 00:48:08,593 --> 00:48:11,052 of nice hotel kind of treat that you 1178 00:48:11,053 --> 00:48:12,792 had when you went up there to work. 1179 00:48:12,793 --> 00:48:15,212 Oh, you know the one about the TV? 1180 00:48:15,213 --> 00:48:17,235 He threw the TV out the window at the hotel. 1181 00:48:17,260 --> 00:48:18,932 I mean that's the ultimate rock and roll thing 1182 00:48:18,933 --> 00:48:21,388 to do. But Cogs, he's had a good weekend, he's 1183 00:48:21,413 --> 00:48:23,498 earned a few quid, and he's in his 1184 00:48:23,523 --> 00:48:26,072 hotel room and just rings up reception. 1185 00:48:26,073 --> 00:48:28,686 "Excuse me, these televisions, how much are they?" 1186 00:48:28,711 --> 00:48:30,186 Guy's going, "I don't know, they're about one 1187 00:48:30,210 --> 00:48:32,049 hundred and eighty quid, is there a problem with it?" 1188 00:48:32,073 --> 00:48:33,242 "Not yet." 1189 00:48:33,243 --> 00:48:34,552 Puts the phone down. 1190 00:48:34,553 --> 00:48:36,962 Thinks, "Yeah, I can do that, launches the TV out 1191 00:48:36,963 --> 00:48:39,182 the window because he'd always wanted to do it. 1192 00:48:39,183 --> 00:48:40,829 I did ask him, "Did you look down first?" He 1193 00:48:40,830 --> 00:48:43,488 went, "Nah you can't do that darling, that's cheating. 1194 00:48:43,893 --> 00:48:45,693 Do you think Keith Moon would have done that?" 1195 00:48:46,833 --> 00:48:48,285 He would never have done that damage to 1196 00:48:48,286 --> 00:48:49,922 somebody's property without having the money to 1197 00:48:49,923 --> 00:48:52,112 cover it. That would never occur to him. 1198 00:48:52,113 --> 00:48:53,702 He just wanted to throw a TV out the window 1199 00:48:53,703 --> 00:48:55,167 because he'd never done it. 1200 00:48:55,192 --> 00:48:58,262 That was big of him to replace the telly. 1201 00:48:58,263 --> 00:49:01,693 He didn't pay for us all to go in a nice hotel though. 1202 00:49:02,373 --> 00:49:06,338 Sorry, I don't really bare any grudge against him. 1203 00:49:06,363 --> 00:49:08,852 Because I am banned from more clubs than 1204 00:49:08,853 --> 00:49:11,244 any other comedian in this country. Yeah. 1205 00:49:11,540 --> 00:49:13,288 I am banned from more clubs than any other 1206 00:49:13,313 --> 00:49:15,152 comedian. And you know what happens to you when 1207 00:49:15,153 --> 00:49:16,601 you're banned from as many clubs as I am? 1208 00:49:16,625 --> 00:49:18,203 Yeah, fucking Heddon-on- the-fucking-Wall that's 1209 00:49:18,227 --> 00:49:20,067 what happens to you on a fucking Tuesday night. 1210 00:49:20,240 --> 00:49:21,320 Tuesday fucking night. 1211 00:49:22,417 --> 00:49:24,667 Standing on a fucking table with your bollocks out, that's what 1212 00:49:24,691 --> 00:49:25,880 fucking happens. 1213 00:49:26,416 --> 00:49:29,582 Cogs has been the so-called most banned comedian 1214 00:49:29,583 --> 00:49:31,682 on the circuit. I think that was only partially 1215 00:49:31,683 --> 00:49:34,269 true. There were so many venues that wanted him. 1216 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,360 The only times that people would ban 1217 00:49:36,393 --> 00:49:38,822 him, he was totally unruly 1218 00:49:38,823 --> 00:49:41,462 at the gig. And him being unruly would be that 1219 00:49:41,463 --> 00:49:43,062 he sometimes turned up pissed. 1220 00:49:43,063 --> 00:49:45,122 And that's just the fact. 1221 00:49:45,123 --> 00:49:46,742 And other times he would turn up where he was 1222 00:49:46,743 --> 00:49:49,172 just so on the money, and you would just go, 1223 00:49:49,173 --> 00:49:50,822 "Wow, that's incredible." 1224 00:49:50,823 --> 00:49:53,642 I asked him many times to try and dry out. 1225 00:49:53,643 --> 00:49:56,775 And he would often say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." 1226 00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:58,080 And then he would say, "I'm not 1227 00:49:58,083 --> 00:50:00,182 fucking doing it," and he used to say, "This is 1228 00:50:00,183 --> 00:50:01,262 what people expect from me. 1229 00:50:01,263 --> 00:50:02,372 I'm Ian Cognito. 1230 00:50:02,373 --> 00:50:03,662 They expect this." 1231 00:50:03,663 --> 00:50:04,692 And I said, "They don't. 1232 00:50:04,693 --> 00:50:06,632 No one cares." Personally, I think that his 1233 00:50:06,633 --> 00:50:08,912 addiction to alcohol, he would say it's because 1234 00:50:08,913 --> 00:50:11,462 he's Ian Cognito, he has to be as he has 1235 00:50:11,463 --> 00:50:12,873 to be and he needs to drink. 1236 00:50:14,036 --> 00:50:16,314 I think he could have been Ian Cognito without the drink. 1237 00:50:20,613 --> 00:50:23,012 Both drunks, pair of drunks to be quite honest 1238 00:50:23,013 --> 00:50:27,908 with you. My Dad, fucking hell, Chianti, Frascati, Valpolicella. 1239 00:50:27,933 --> 00:50:28,936 And at the end of the day, you 1240 00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:30,463 could get pissed on my Dad's breath. 1241 00:50:31,412 --> 00:50:32,912 He'd kiss me good night, I'd try and start a 1242 00:50:32,913 --> 00:50:34,237 fight, throw up a curry, go out like 1243 00:50:34,261 --> 00:50:35,661 a light, I was only eight years old. 1244 00:50:36,647 --> 00:50:39,332 Now the big thing I want to say on this 1245 00:50:39,333 --> 00:50:42,572 film: you have to separate 1246 00:50:42,573 --> 00:50:44,342 the person from the alcoholic. 1247 00:50:45,463 --> 00:50:48,168 Because any addict are 1248 00:50:48,193 --> 00:50:49,193 two people. 1249 00:50:50,423 --> 00:50:52,702 I say two people. One of them is a person, the 1250 00:50:52,703 --> 00:50:54,022 other one's like the devil. 1251 00:50:54,023 --> 00:50:56,136 You know, I understand him being an addict, I 1252 00:50:56,137 --> 00:50:58,162 was a food addict at the time. 1253 00:50:58,163 --> 00:51:00,502 I think we're all addicts of some sort, 1254 00:51:00,503 --> 00:51:02,239 especially comedians. 1255 00:51:02,264 --> 00:51:04,552 Who I wouldn't pick a fight with on the comedy 1256 00:51:04,553 --> 00:51:06,352 circuit? Definitely one. 1257 00:51:06,353 --> 00:51:07,701 Ricky Grover is one. 1258 00:51:09,067 --> 00:51:10,522 Nobody's going to start a fight with Ricky 1259 00:51:10,523 --> 00:51:12,625 Grover. You'd have to be fucking stupid to start 1260 00:51:12,626 --> 00:51:14,483 a fight with Ricky Grover, wouldn't you? 1261 00:51:14,532 --> 00:51:17,432 Ricky Grover is a lovely bloke and got 1262 00:51:17,433 --> 00:51:20,392 a big heart, but I wouldn't, I wouldn't 1263 00:51:20,393 --> 00:51:21,401 cross him. 1264 00:51:31,829 --> 00:51:34,361 Our first social meeting 1265 00:51:35,619 --> 00:51:38,005 was in Edinburgh all them years ago. 1266 00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:39,840 I've heard all different versions of what 1267 00:51:39,846 --> 00:51:42,292 happened myself, but I'll tell 1268 00:51:42,293 --> 00:51:44,512 you straight now what happened. I was standing 1269 00:51:44,513 --> 00:51:47,272 in the Gilded Balloon at the bar 1270 00:51:47,273 --> 00:51:49,348 and Ian Cognito's coming. 1271 00:51:49,373 --> 00:51:50,422 And he's boozed up 1272 00:51:51,863 --> 00:51:53,782 and he's not falling all over the place, but 1273 00:51:53,783 --> 00:51:55,252 he's really angry. 1274 00:51:55,253 --> 00:51:57,652 And he had really piercing eyes, really sort of 1275 00:51:57,653 --> 00:51:59,512 piercing blue eyes, and he was like looking 1276 00:51:59,513 --> 00:52:00,942 round. 1277 00:52:00,943 --> 00:52:03,928 And as he's come up to the bar, I thought this 1278 00:52:03,953 --> 00:52:06,327 is my chance to meet him and get to know him, 1279 00:52:06,328 --> 00:52:08,845 see how you are, and I thought he'd like my bit of 1280 00:52:08,869 --> 00:52:12,042 background, boxing and coming out of the East End. 1281 00:52:12,043 --> 00:52:14,518 And I went, "Hello Ian, alright mate?" 1282 00:52:14,543 --> 00:52:15,734 And he went, 1283 00:52:16,677 --> 00:52:17,973 "You're a fat cunt". 1284 00:52:19,793 --> 00:52:21,640 And the atmosphere changed. 1285 00:52:22,523 --> 00:52:24,322 And I'm standing there and every now and then 1286 00:52:24,323 --> 00:52:26,452 he's looking at me, but he's looking at me with 1287 00:52:26,453 --> 00:52:29,062 fire in his eyes, so he's looking 1288 00:52:29,063 --> 00:52:30,622 at me like he's going to hit me. 1289 00:52:30,623 --> 00:52:32,722 And he keeps looking round at me. 1290 00:52:32,723 --> 00:52:35,212 Now where I'm from, if someone looks at you 1291 00:52:35,213 --> 00:52:38,092 like that, they normally follow up. 1292 00:52:38,117 --> 00:52:40,095 So I'm watching his hands, I'm watching his, 1293 00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:41,560 he's got a glass in his hands, is he 1294 00:52:41,603 --> 00:52:42,757 going to try and glass me? 1295 00:52:43,315 --> 00:52:46,856 And I thought I'd better defuse the situation 1296 00:52:47,099 --> 00:52:48,811 Ricky's like an old fashioned East End 1297 00:52:48,812 --> 00:52:51,262 gentleman. If he's got a problem with you, 1298 00:52:51,263 --> 00:52:52,852 he'll give you a warning. 1299 00:52:52,853 --> 00:52:55,082 He'll tell you he's gonna, tell you to behave: 1300 00:52:55,107 --> 00:52:56,809 "You fucking behave yourself or you'll get a slap." 1301 00:52:56,833 --> 00:52:58,272 He's one of them guys, you know. 1302 00:52:58,438 --> 00:53:00,754 So you've got a chance to rein it in if you've been 1303 00:53:00,779 --> 00:53:01,779 a bit naughty. 1304 00:53:01,883 --> 00:53:04,642 So I said, "I'm going to give you a chance now." 1305 00:53:04,643 --> 00:53:07,073 I said, "Did you mean that, what you said?" 1306 00:53:09,053 --> 00:53:12,780 And he said, "Oh yeah, your wife's a fat cunt as well." 1307 00:53:14,868 --> 00:53:17,651 As I looked at him, I see him sort of half 1308 00:53:17,652 --> 00:53:19,454 come forward, like go like that, like he was 1309 00:53:19,479 --> 00:53:20,836 gonna do something. I don't know if he's 1310 00:53:20,860 --> 00:53:22,700 gonna go for an headbutt or what he's gonna do. 1311 00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:24,720 And I clipped him with a little left hook. 1312 00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:28,374 His feet went right up in the air. 1313 00:53:28,767 --> 00:53:30,492 I thought, fuck I've killed him. 1314 00:53:30,493 --> 00:53:32,982 And me and Rhona Cameron ran 1315 00:53:32,983 --> 00:53:35,562 over and got hold of him and pulled 1316 00:53:35,563 --> 00:53:38,202 him up, and he was like, 1317 00:53:38,203 --> 00:53:40,302 he was smashed anyway. 1318 00:53:40,303 --> 00:53:43,338 He went, "Fuck it, I'm going home" and 1319 00:53:43,363 --> 00:53:44,712 off he went. 1320 00:53:44,713 --> 00:53:47,622 I thought he meant going back to the flat he was 1321 00:53:47,623 --> 00:53:50,820 staying in. But what he meant was going home. 1322 00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,742 The general sort of chat on the circuit was he 1323 00:53:53,743 --> 00:53:56,382 sort of asked for that, you know, 1324 00:53:56,383 --> 00:53:59,112 because Ricky's actually a lovely 1325 00:53:59,113 --> 00:54:01,782 guy and kind of a big teddy bear 1326 00:54:01,783 --> 00:54:04,452 in some ways. And he - he wouldn't do 1327 00:54:04,453 --> 00:54:06,732 anything like that apart from in certain 1328 00:54:06,733 --> 00:54:09,252 circumstances, and one of them 1329 00:54:09,253 --> 00:54:11,632 would be if someone insulted his wife. 1330 00:54:11,633 --> 00:54:14,202 And I just said to him, "Look, in Edinburgh, it's 1331 00:54:14,203 --> 00:54:16,692 all about how you react to success 1332 00:54:16,693 --> 00:54:18,762 and how you react to failure. 1333 00:54:18,763 --> 00:54:21,402 Admittedly, it hasn't gone well for you so 1334 00:54:21,403 --> 00:54:23,142 far because you've been knocked out on the 1335 00:54:23,143 --> 00:54:25,012 Monday night, you're going home on the Tuesday 1336 00:54:25,013 --> 00:54:26,322 and the festival doesn't start til the 1337 00:54:26,323 --> 00:54:27,642 Wednesday." 1338 00:54:27,643 --> 00:54:28,782 So I phoned him up. 1339 00:54:29,963 --> 00:54:32,668 I said, "Ian, I 1340 00:54:32,693 --> 00:54:35,222 think you need to meet me this morning." 1341 00:54:35,223 --> 00:54:36,734 So he said on the other end of the phone, 1342 00:54:36,735 --> 00:54:39,718 "I think you've done enough, haven't you?" 1343 00:54:39,743 --> 00:54:41,543 And I went, "What?" He said, "I can't move my jaw. 1344 00:54:41,544 --> 00:54:42,913 I think you've done enough." 1345 00:54:43,753 --> 00:54:45,975 So I said, "Oh no," I said, 1346 00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:47,880 "I haven't done enough." 1347 00:54:47,893 --> 00:54:49,133 I said, "It's only just begun." 1348 00:54:50,083 --> 00:54:52,152 I said, "Meet me outside the Assembly Rooms." 1349 00:54:52,153 --> 00:54:53,293 So he's turned up. 1350 00:54:54,653 --> 00:54:56,622 And his jaw was black. 1351 00:54:56,623 --> 00:54:59,272 His whole jaw was black. I thought, "Thank 1352 00:54:59,273 --> 00:55:01,498 God I never hit him hard. I definitely would have 1353 00:55:01,523 --> 00:55:04,072 killed him." So we start 1354 00:55:04,073 --> 00:55:06,838 going for a walk, walking along, 1355 00:55:06,863 --> 00:55:08,391 and I say, "Ian, look," I said, 1356 00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:10,360 "You've really, you've dug me out and 1357 00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:12,626 from what I'm hearing from other people, 1358 00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,400 the reason is, is that your show ain't going 1359 00:55:15,443 --> 00:55:17,932 great and you want a way out. 1360 00:55:17,933 --> 00:55:20,512 And you used me as a scapegoat. 1361 00:55:20,513 --> 00:55:22,265 And I think it's a liberty." 1362 00:55:22,378 --> 00:55:24,718 He said, "What it is, Rick," he said, "I 1363 00:55:24,743 --> 00:55:28,022 can't do comedy unless I have a drink. 1364 00:55:28,023 --> 00:55:30,765 And then when I have a drink, I lose it." 1365 00:55:32,123 --> 00:55:34,462 So I said, "Don't do comedy, then." 1366 00:55:34,463 --> 00:55:37,102 Me and him ended up cuddling 1367 00:55:37,103 --> 00:55:39,653 in the middle of the street, both crying. 1368 00:55:41,802 --> 00:55:43,102 There was two choices. 1369 00:55:43,103 --> 00:55:45,382 You can either go and stand in the middle of 1370 00:55:45,383 --> 00:55:47,605 track two at Waverley station, or you 1371 00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:49,320 can insult Ricky's wife. 1372 00:55:49,352 --> 00:55:50,693 Either way you're going to hospital 1373 00:55:50,717 --> 00:55:51,895 and you can't do your show. 1374 00:56:01,293 --> 00:56:02,882 And I said to him. "I'll see you soon," and he 1375 00:56:02,883 --> 00:56:03,883 went, "No you won't." 1376 00:56:04,223 --> 00:56:06,495 I've heard he'd said that to quite a few people. 1377 00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:09,400 He was one of the big headliners at any gig. 1378 00:56:09,423 --> 00:56:13,648 To see him slowly getting older... 1379 00:56:13,673 --> 00:56:16,102 And you know you're getting old when 1380 00:56:16,103 --> 00:56:18,113 you look at the wheels on a suitcase and go 1381 00:56:19,129 --> 00:56:21,528 maybe that ain't such a fucking bad idea after all. 1382 00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:24,280 And the comedy circuit changing a bit 1383 00:56:24,293 --> 00:56:26,602 and it becoming about emails, him not getting 1384 00:56:26,603 --> 00:56:30,295 quite as many gigs, seeing him compering gigs. 1385 00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:31,702 I remember just thinking, "He shouldn't be 1386 00:56:31,703 --> 00:56:34,792 compering. He's Cognito, he should be headlining this." 1387 00:56:34,793 --> 00:56:37,432 As time went on and as he got older 1388 00:56:37,433 --> 00:56:40,042 and I worked with him a lot, you know, you would 1389 00:56:40,043 --> 00:56:42,652 sense something was changing and 1390 00:56:42,653 --> 00:56:45,232 that people were no longer, they were no 1391 00:56:45,233 --> 00:56:47,423 longer offended in the way that they used to be, 1392 00:56:48,443 --> 00:56:50,932 in a kind of fun, sporty way, they were 1393 00:56:50,933 --> 00:56:53,602 just, they just didn't trust 1394 00:56:53,603 --> 00:56:55,342 him as a performer, you know, not always, but 1395 00:56:55,343 --> 00:56:57,142 sometimes some audiences - you could see them 1396 00:56:57,143 --> 00:56:59,424 thinking, "Well, I don't think I'm comfortable with this." 1397 00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:01,480 I mean look at you young people, fuck sake, I'm 1398 00:57:01,497 --> 00:57:03,781 old enough to be your Dad. In fact I 1399 00:57:03,806 --> 00:57:05,483 am your fucking Dad. 1400 00:57:05,842 --> 00:57:07,312 I'm sorry to tell you that darling, but your 1401 00:57:07,313 --> 00:57:08,839 mother wasn't easy to live with and you were a 1402 00:57:08,863 --> 00:57:10,423 right little cunt when you were younger. 1403 00:57:12,258 --> 00:57:15,953 As comedy became a bit more of a business, 1404 00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:18,708 I think people thought, "Listen, I love him and 1405 00:57:18,733 --> 00:57:20,352 he's a great guy and he's great to hang about 1406 00:57:20,353 --> 00:57:22,775 with, but I could get closed down, somebody 1407 00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:24,809 could get hurt, somebody could get offended, who 1408 00:57:24,823 --> 00:57:26,952 knows." And they decided not to book him. 1409 00:57:26,953 --> 00:57:29,112 I think in the end, a lot of the bookings he got 1410 00:57:29,113 --> 00:57:31,222 were from comics who used to run clubs. 1411 00:57:31,223 --> 00:57:34,113 Promoters understand or thought that, you know, 1412 00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:36,160 younger audiences, the audiences that they 1413 00:57:36,163 --> 00:57:39,102 were getting don't want to see an old man 1414 00:57:39,103 --> 00:57:41,462 doing comedy, saying the kind of things that he did say. 1415 00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:43,920 I think the doctor had also found out 1416 00:57:43,933 --> 00:57:46,242 that there were some serious things wrong with 1417 00:57:46,243 --> 00:57:48,702 his heart and so on and so forth. 1418 00:57:48,703 --> 00:57:51,152 So he gave 1419 00:57:51,153 --> 00:57:53,762 up drinking, and it was unbelievable 1420 00:57:53,763 --> 00:57:56,222 how it happened, because one minute he's a 1421 00:57:56,223 --> 00:57:58,682 drinker, the next minute 1422 00:57:58,683 --> 00:58:00,264 he stops drinking. 1423 00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:01,358 And he never drunk again. 1424 00:58:02,563 --> 00:58:03,563 Ever. 1425 00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:06,040 And I think it did worry him that if he didn't 1426 00:58:06,073 --> 00:58:09,826 drink, he wouldn't be as good a comic but 1427 00:58:10,573 --> 00:58:13,212 once he stopped, if anything, I think he picked 1428 00:58:13,213 --> 00:58:14,382 back up from where he'd left off. 1429 00:58:14,383 --> 00:58:16,263 I think it did actually make him a better comic. 1430 00:58:16,452 --> 00:58:18,858 And this is a guy who has drunk 1431 00:58:18,883 --> 00:58:19,892 all his life. 1432 00:58:22,525 --> 00:58:24,100 And what a different man. 1433 00:58:26,113 --> 00:58:28,182 He was kinder. 1434 00:58:28,183 --> 00:58:29,292 He listened. 1435 00:58:29,293 --> 00:58:31,182 He was humble. 1436 00:58:31,183 --> 00:58:32,802 He was reflective. 1437 00:58:32,803 --> 00:58:35,232 So when he was drinking, his emotions 1438 00:58:35,233 --> 00:58:38,352 were really either anger or 1439 00:58:38,353 --> 00:58:40,772 crying or depressed 1440 00:58:40,773 --> 00:58:44,022 or, but his emotions calmed down. 1441 00:58:44,023 --> 00:58:46,392 Three or four weeks after he'd given up the 1442 00:58:46,393 --> 00:58:49,212 drinking, it was a really, really 1443 00:58:49,213 --> 00:58:51,642 lovely moment, and I'll never forget it. So we 1444 00:58:51,643 --> 00:58:53,232 went for a walk this time. 1445 00:58:53,233 --> 00:58:56,472 And he said to me, "I don't understand. 1446 00:58:56,473 --> 00:58:59,562 I'm just so fucking happy. 1447 00:58:59,563 --> 00:59:02,592 I've never felt this happy." 1448 00:59:02,593 --> 00:59:05,202 He was sorting himself out 1449 00:59:05,203 --> 00:59:07,965 and he was happy, and it was an amazing thing 1450 00:59:08,948 --> 00:59:11,132 when he said that. 1451 00:59:11,133 --> 00:59:13,892 And that was about a year and a half 1452 00:59:13,893 --> 00:59:14,893 before he died. 1453 00:59:34,923 --> 00:59:36,662 I go and see the doctor, he ain't got a clue, 1454 00:59:36,663 --> 00:59:38,402 some sort of tropical disease as far as he's 1455 00:59:38,403 --> 00:59:40,412 concerned. All I know is after he finished 1456 00:59:40,413 --> 00:59:42,983 examining me, he set fire to his hands. I went, "Oh bollocks, 1457 00:59:44,679 --> 00:59:46,509 this is serious." I said, "You got any advice for me?" 1458 00:59:46,533 --> 00:59:48,148 He went, "Yeah. Don't buy any long life milk 1459 00:59:48,149 --> 00:59:49,592 and don't fill up your freezer. 1460 00:59:49,593 --> 00:59:50,609 Next!" 1461 00:59:54,663 --> 00:59:56,822 I heard that he'd come upstairs and he'd had a 1462 00:59:56,823 --> 00:59:58,262 bit of a dizzy spell. 1463 00:59:58,263 --> 01:00:00,422 So he had to have a lie down. 1464 01:00:00,423 --> 01:00:02,432 So I thought he might have had like a cold or 1465 01:00:02,433 --> 01:00:03,932 flu or something like that. 1466 01:00:03,933 --> 01:00:06,452 I texted him saying, If you're not good, 1467 01:00:06,453 --> 01:00:08,912 you can go on first, do shorter 1468 01:00:08,913 --> 01:00:10,402 and just get off. 1469 01:00:10,403 --> 01:00:12,430 You know, Cognito, being the way he was, 1470 01:00:12,454 --> 01:00:14,810 he weren't going to have that - he's gotta headline, 1471 01:00:14,835 --> 01:00:16,052 so he's going, "No, no, I'll be fine. 1472 01:00:16,053 --> 01:00:18,132 I'll close, I'll close. I'll be fine." 1473 01:00:18,133 --> 01:00:21,292 I just remember the first act coming off and him 1474 01:00:21,317 --> 01:00:23,565 saying to me, "He was good, weren't he?" 1475 01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:26,160 So always right to the end complimentary 1476 01:00:26,173 --> 01:00:28,062 and nice to other acts. 1477 01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:31,739 I said to him, "If you want to do a bit less, 1478 01:00:31,764 --> 01:00:34,343 you know, just do a little bit less 1479 01:00:34,368 --> 01:00:35,788 if you're not feeling good." 1480 01:00:35,813 --> 01:00:37,596 And he goes, "How long do I need to do?" I said, 1481 01:00:37,620 --> 01:00:39,306 "Well do, you know, do about thirty" and he went, 1482 01:00:39,330 --> 01:00:41,147 "Well, forty feels better. 1483 01:00:41,160 --> 01:00:43,199 Doesn't matter if I overrun, does it?" 1484 01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,669 I was worried for me whether the gig 1485 01:00:45,680 --> 01:00:47,449 would be good. I was worried for him. 1486 01:00:47,486 --> 01:00:51,415 Is he going to be alright and have a nice gig? 1487 01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:54,229 And like when you see someone walk on stage 1488 01:00:54,254 --> 01:00:57,909 and within seconds, you think, "They're 1489 01:00:57,934 --> 01:00:59,558 in the palm of his hand already." 1490 01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,917 I introduced him as "your final act" 1491 01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:05,200 or "second act to the evening," something like that, 1492 01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:07,870 and his opening line was "I'm the fucking headliner" 1493 01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:09,719 and started slagging me off. 1494 01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:12,159 And he was doing all the things you want him to 1495 01:01:12,184 --> 01:01:14,653 do, all the brilliant performance that he does. 1496 01:01:14,678 --> 01:01:17,187 He was grabbing someone by the head 1497 01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:20,619 and shouting in their ear, walking off stage. 1498 01:01:20,644 --> 01:01:22,750 He did have a stool on the stage like a high 1499 01:01:22,783 --> 01:01:25,385 stool with a short back on it. 1500 01:01:25,409 --> 01:01:26,936 And he was doing a wonderful thing, sort of 1501 01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:29,629 sitting down every now and again and just 1502 01:01:29,640 --> 01:01:31,690 with his legs crossed and just do bits to the 1503 01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:34,199 side, just throwaway lines to the side and that 1504 01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:36,092 and I thought, "That's brilliant." 1505 01:01:36,117 --> 01:01:38,306 Probably about five minutes in he said to the 1506 01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,899 audience, "Imagine if I fucking die here 1507 01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:41,920 in front of you lot." 1508 01:01:42,530 --> 01:01:43,909 They loved him immediately. 1509 01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,229 You could sense - you know when you sense, "Oh, they love 1510 01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,339 it, you could say anything now." 1511 01:01:48,364 --> 01:01:50,253 I think he'd done about twenty, something like 1512 01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:52,739 that. I just remember him sitting down 1513 01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:54,331 on the stool. 1514 01:01:54,356 --> 01:01:56,332 Just touching his shirt like that. 1515 01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:59,299 And I remember thinking 1516 01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:01,000 that he'd remembered a bit of the material, 1517 01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:02,736 remembered a bit that he'd missed and he was 1518 01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:03,786 going to go back to it. 1519 01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:05,256 But I remember him going like that and just 1520 01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,919 looking up like this, 1521 01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:11,079 but very, very slowly then putting his arms out 1522 01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:13,189 and leant back on the stool. 1523 01:02:13,214 --> 01:02:15,253 And it looked very theatrical - this might 1524 01:02:15,278 --> 01:02:17,647 sound overly dramatic, but it really looked like 1525 01:02:17,672 --> 01:02:20,730 he was sort of lapping up his last 1526 01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:22,769 round of applause in a way. 1527 01:02:23,173 --> 01:02:25,972 And for ages he was like this on the stool. 1528 01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:27,960 For a while like people were 1529 01:02:27,973 --> 01:02:30,402 laughing because it felt like it's definitely 1530 01:02:30,403 --> 01:02:31,632 part of a joke. 1531 01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:34,347 And slowly it died down to the point people going... 1532 01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:36,800 "Um... Uh." 1533 01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:38,880 And then people were looking at me like... 1534 01:02:40,423 --> 01:02:41,852 And I'm like, "What? I don't know." 1535 01:02:41,853 --> 01:02:44,052 I don't walk on stage in the middle of somebody 1536 01:02:44,053 --> 01:02:47,453 else's set. It's just, that's something you don't do. 1537 01:02:48,103 --> 01:02:50,532 And it got to the point where, yeah, 1538 01:02:50,533 --> 01:02:51,582 someone had to do something. 1539 01:02:51,583 --> 01:02:54,072 So I walked on stage with one of the audience 1540 01:02:54,073 --> 01:02:56,472 members and to the point where I put my hand on 1541 01:02:56,473 --> 01:02:58,943 his arm, I still fully expected him to go, "Boo!" 1542 01:02:59,473 --> 01:03:02,832 And, erm, but as soon as I looked at him, 1543 01:03:02,833 --> 01:03:05,862 looked at his face, I knew it was serious. 1544 01:03:05,863 --> 01:03:08,442 There was two A&E nurses in the audience 1545 01:03:08,443 --> 01:03:10,752 who immediately started trying to resuscitate 1546 01:03:10,753 --> 01:03:13,452 him. The people who couldn't do anything 1547 01:03:13,453 --> 01:03:15,872 filed out as soon as they could to make space 1548 01:03:15,873 --> 01:03:17,622 so the people who could help could help. 1549 01:03:17,623 --> 01:03:20,872 Everyone in that audience did everything they could. 1550 01:03:20,873 --> 01:03:22,702 And the ambulance arrived. 1551 01:03:22,703 --> 01:03:23,993 I do remember the policeman 1552 01:03:25,583 --> 01:03:28,072 picked up his bag and he's unpacking 1553 01:03:28,073 --> 01:03:29,752 it to try and find out his name. 1554 01:03:29,753 --> 01:03:31,792 And he pulls out a bag of hash like that, that 1555 01:03:31,793 --> 01:03:33,803 looked like a small green pillow. 1556 01:03:35,213 --> 01:03:37,522 And he just went, "Well, let's not concentrate on 1557 01:03:37,523 --> 01:03:39,952 that now" and then he said 1558 01:03:39,953 --> 01:03:42,052 to me, "Do you know the gentleman's name?" And I 1559 01:03:42,053 --> 01:03:43,852 realised I don't know his actual name, so I got 1560 01:03:43,853 --> 01:03:46,851 to say to a policeman, "Ian Cognito?" 1561 01:03:46,983 --> 01:03:49,199 He'd have loved it if there was a headliner on after him. 1562 01:03:49,223 --> 01:03:51,572 That's what, that's what he would have 1563 01:03:51,597 --> 01:03:53,174 fucking loved. If there was another act on after 1564 01:03:53,175 --> 01:03:55,432 him: "Somebody been paid a bit more fucking 1565 01:03:55,433 --> 01:03:57,181 money? Well, you're better than me, you cunt, are 1566 01:03:57,205 --> 01:03:58,205 you? Follow this." 1567 01:04:00,013 --> 01:04:02,562 After we learnt it was, it wasn't a 1568 01:04:02,563 --> 01:04:04,572 heart attack, it was a ruptured aorta, and that 1569 01:04:04,573 --> 01:04:07,002 means the heart fills full of blood. 1570 01:04:07,003 --> 01:04:09,124 And you kind, of in a way, you kind of faint 1571 01:04:09,722 --> 01:04:13,242 and it's a most, the most peaceful way, 1572 01:04:13,243 --> 01:04:15,642 heart-wise, you can go, apparently. 1573 01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:18,042 And it did look weirdly peaceful. 1574 01:04:18,043 --> 01:04:21,912 He did. It wasn't a grab your chest and groan in agony. 1575 01:04:21,913 --> 01:04:24,072 He put his arms out like he was lapping up 1576 01:04:24,073 --> 01:04:26,802 applause and slowly slipped away 1577 01:04:26,803 --> 01:04:27,973 in front of an audience. 1578 01:04:29,143 --> 01:04:31,932 An audience, it needs to be said, 1579 01:04:31,933 --> 01:04:33,342 who absolutely loved him. 1580 01:04:33,343 --> 01:04:36,203 And I know that your last sense to go is your hearing. 1581 01:04:36,853 --> 01:04:39,042 And I think we, we've all taken comfort from the 1582 01:04:39,043 --> 01:04:40,482 fact that the last thing he would have been 1583 01:04:40,483 --> 01:04:43,572 aware of was laughter in his ears, 1584 01:04:43,573 --> 01:04:46,580 which is just such a poetic way to go, isn't it? 1585 01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:49,400 If - who knew it would be global 1586 01:04:49,423 --> 01:04:50,472 news the next day? 1587 01:05:20,849 --> 01:05:22,918 And then he was everywhere, and I think that 1588 01:05:22,943 --> 01:05:24,712 would have been very strange to him because 1589 01:05:24,713 --> 01:05:27,232 that's not something he ever courted. 1590 01:05:27,233 --> 01:05:29,692 I said this a few times. "A mate of mine died 1591 01:05:29,693 --> 01:05:32,482 over that time and he died on stage." 1592 01:05:32,483 --> 01:05:33,979 And people - like everyone I said it to - 1593 01:05:34,003 --> 01:05:35,722 "Oh, that guy, I've read about that guy." 1594 01:05:35,723 --> 01:05:37,762 Everybody knew about this. 1595 01:05:37,763 --> 01:05:39,352 Oh, he'd have loved that, he was in Hello 1596 01:05:39,353 --> 01:05:41,423 magazine. When it's these things sometimes 1597 01:05:41,443 --> 01:05:43,242 the first person you want to tell about 1598 01:05:43,243 --> 01:05:45,852 something and hear their reaction is the person 1599 01:05:45,853 --> 01:05:48,282 that you can't tell and you 1600 01:05:48,283 --> 01:05:50,292 can't hear the reaction of. 1601 01:05:50,293 --> 01:05:53,202 People say it's what Cogs would have wanted. 1602 01:05:53,203 --> 01:05:56,412 He never would have done that, 1603 01:05:56,413 --> 01:05:58,452 knowingly done that to Pat or Andrew. 1604 01:05:58,453 --> 01:06:00,492 He'd be absolutely mortified. 1605 01:06:00,493 --> 01:06:04,793 Just fucking cried in the street. 1606 01:06:07,965 --> 01:06:11,364 Erm, yeah. It was a... 1607 01:06:17,303 --> 01:06:19,762 All I wanted to do was to be 1608 01:06:19,763 --> 01:06:23,032 in a room with loads of other comics. 1609 01:06:23,033 --> 01:06:25,462 I just wanted to be with comics because they 1610 01:06:25,463 --> 01:06:28,762 were the only ones that would get, 1611 01:06:28,763 --> 01:06:31,582 you know, how important 1612 01:06:31,583 --> 01:06:33,172 this man was. 1613 01:06:33,173 --> 01:06:35,782 I think we all collectively 1614 01:06:35,783 --> 01:06:37,702 thought, you know what, 1615 01:06:39,563 --> 01:06:41,842 if he wanted to go any way? 1616 01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:44,709 That would be the way. 1617 01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:47,480 Ian's home was on the stage. 1618 01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:49,320 You know, if you'd scripted the legend of 1619 01:06:49,323 --> 01:06:51,638 Ian Cognito, that's how you would have written it. 1620 01:06:51,803 --> 01:06:54,695 He'd obviously put his body through a lot, a lot. 1621 01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:56,920 I spent a few weekends with him 1622 01:06:56,943 --> 01:06:58,682 and it took me weeks to recover. 1623 01:06:58,683 --> 01:07:00,662 It was quite amazing that he actually lasted 1624 01:07:00,663 --> 01:07:03,242 this long when I think about all the amount of 1625 01:07:03,243 --> 01:07:05,655 alcohol and drugs that he took in the '90s. 1626 01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:08,640 Then to go to the wake and seeing all the people 1627 01:07:08,673 --> 01:07:10,652 there, all the old faces, people I hadn't seen 1628 01:07:10,653 --> 01:07:13,172 for years. Hundreds and hundreds of 1629 01:07:13,173 --> 01:07:15,392 comics. And everyone going up and telling 1630 01:07:15,393 --> 01:07:16,432 stories about him. 1631 01:07:16,457 --> 01:07:18,152 I said, people will say it's what he would have 1632 01:07:18,153 --> 01:07:20,402 wanted. And he related to me, "Well, for the 1633 01:07:20,403 --> 01:07:22,610 record, Pat," he said "what I would have wanted 1634 01:07:22,635 --> 01:07:24,785 was to die in a Bangkok brothel, face down... 1635 01:07:29,430 --> 01:07:30,866 and a bag full of cocaine but not on the 1636 01:07:30,890 --> 01:07:32,799 money these cunts are giving me this evening." 1637 01:07:51,055 --> 01:07:52,576 It's because you knew whatever he was saying, 1638 01:07:52,600 --> 01:07:54,549 there was something about his performance and 1639 01:07:54,573 --> 01:07:56,072 his style and the light in his eyes 1640 01:07:56,073 --> 01:07:57,302 that you knew he didn't mean it. 1641 01:07:57,303 --> 01:07:58,862 And ultimately he was the 1642 01:07:58,863 --> 01:08:00,062 person with low status. 1643 01:08:00,063 --> 01:08:01,452 He was the person with frustration. 1644 01:08:01,453 --> 01:08:04,175 He was inviting you to find him ridiculous. 1645 01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:06,520 A part of me doing this, is I feel in 1646 01:08:06,543 --> 01:08:08,342 a room full of comedians, it should be noted, 1647 01:08:08,343 --> 01:08:10,761 his last gig, he ripped the fucking arse out of it. 1648 01:08:16,874 --> 01:08:19,312 So how he will be remembered, I think, is probably 1649 01:08:19,313 --> 01:08:21,531 in ten years time, primarily through a vehicle like this. 1650 01:08:21,532 --> 01:08:24,232 How many greats must they have been throughout 1651 01:08:24,233 --> 01:08:26,691 history that just never got recorded and we'll 1652 01:08:26,692 --> 01:08:29,872 never know about these amazing performers. 1653 01:08:29,873 --> 01:08:33,699 They only live in people's minds and people's memories. And 1654 01:08:34,900 --> 01:08:37,855 Ian, because he was never on telly, is out of that tradition. 1655 01:08:37,920 --> 01:08:40,200 If he was well known, it would have taken 1656 01:08:40,223 --> 01:08:41,632 something away from him. 1657 01:08:41,633 --> 01:08:43,432 He's supposed to be just one of them comedians 1658 01:08:43,433 --> 01:08:45,781 you saw in a gig once and you tell your mate, "Oh 1659 01:08:45,782 --> 01:08:48,155 fuck, we saw this comedian last night, he was 1660 01:08:48,156 --> 01:08:50,495 mental, he threw a pint of Guinness over someone." 1661 01:08:50,520 --> 01:08:53,600 He was the most purest representation 1662 01:08:53,603 --> 01:08:55,732 of outlaw comedy. 1663 01:08:55,733 --> 01:08:58,792 And, it kind of, 1664 01:08:58,793 --> 01:09:01,081 an era went with him. 1665 01:09:01,082 --> 01:09:04,132 And when he was on it, just as good a performer 1666 01:09:04,133 --> 01:09:07,257 as I've ever seen, ever. 1667 01:09:07,618 --> 01:09:09,163 If you've never been to a live comedy club, 1668 01:09:09,187 --> 01:09:11,579 this weekend, go to one. 1669 01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:14,680 Okay, go to a live comedy club for the first 1670 01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:17,931 time because Cogs won't be there. 1671 01:09:18,480 --> 01:09:19,800 But if you're very lucky, you 1672 01:09:19,822 --> 01:09:22,281 might just catch just a 1673 01:09:22,282 --> 01:09:24,952 sniff, just a passing 1674 01:09:24,953 --> 01:09:27,898 vision of that kind of anarchy that 1675 01:09:27,923 --> 01:09:29,892 only live comedy can do. 1676 01:09:29,956 --> 01:09:32,985 But I think he belongs to a tradition of 1677 01:09:33,010 --> 01:09:35,059 performers that go back, 1678 01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:37,169 like, centuries. 1679 01:09:37,673 --> 01:09:40,252 I can imagine him in a troupe of 1680 01:09:40,253 --> 01:09:43,252 players touring inns 1681 01:09:43,253 --> 01:09:46,356 in the sort of 15th century, or I can imagine him 1682 01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:48,840 in like a mead hall 1683 01:09:49,360 --> 01:09:51,680 in the 11th century. 1684 01:09:51,683 --> 01:09:55,142 I can just see that tradition of performance 1685 01:09:55,200 --> 01:09:57,618 in so many different settings in him. 1686 01:09:58,001 --> 01:10:00,292 And that's something that I think we've lost 1687 01:10:00,293 --> 01:10:01,782 a bit in stand-up. 1688 01:10:02,280 --> 01:10:05,000 I think he was undoubtedly an inspiration to 1689 01:10:05,017 --> 01:10:06,046 a lot of comedians. 1690 01:10:06,071 --> 01:10:08,212 There were many comics who you could have seen 1691 01:10:08,213 --> 01:10:10,702 over the years, who - you know that they've 1692 01:10:10,703 --> 01:10:13,282 seen him. You know that they've been inspired by 1693 01:10:13,283 --> 01:10:15,322 him as well. When you were on a bill with him 1694 01:10:15,323 --> 01:10:17,662 and when you were chatting to him, you really 1695 01:10:17,663 --> 01:10:20,302 felt like you'd made a good decision in life. 1696 01:10:20,575 --> 01:10:22,162 People won't forget him, as some sort of 1697 01:10:22,163 --> 01:10:24,295 epitaph, that's not a bad one, is it? 1698 01:10:24,320 --> 01:10:27,000 People will talk about Cogs for years to come. 1699 01:10:27,286 --> 01:10:28,942 On the surface, he'd just kind of go, "Oh, fuck 1700 01:10:28,960 --> 01:10:30,320 it, forget about me. It doesn't matter. 1701 01:10:30,323 --> 01:10:31,450 I don't matter." 1702 01:10:32,400 --> 01:10:33,856 But then the little part of him that kind of 1703 01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:36,549 really wanted to be loved and wanted success 1704 01:10:36,573 --> 01:10:41,012 and wanted all the things that he professed to hate, I 1705 01:10:41,013 --> 01:10:43,082 think he would be genuinely touched that we love 1706 01:10:43,083 --> 01:10:44,762 him so much. 1707 01:10:44,960 --> 01:10:46,520 Yeah, he was a legend and this is a bit of a 1708 01:10:46,533 --> 01:10:48,182 legacy for him, and he'd love that. 1709 01:10:48,183 --> 01:10:50,282 I think Ian would be quite pleased that 1710 01:10:50,283 --> 01:10:52,381 everybody saw him in this light. 1711 01:10:52,920 --> 01:10:55,016 He'll probably also think it's a load of old bollocks. 1712 01:10:55,040 --> 01:10:57,565 I think Paul will be sitting thinking, 1713 01:10:59,873 --> 01:11:02,512 "I've inconvenienced quite a lot 1714 01:11:02,513 --> 01:11:04,972 of comics who worked with me, they've had to be 1715 01:11:04,973 --> 01:11:07,402 dragged out when they've had better things 1716 01:11:07,440 --> 01:11:10,418 to do and talk about me on some documentary." 1717 01:11:11,151 --> 01:11:15,017 Yes, that will be his legacy. Once again, Ian, 1718 01:11:15,533 --> 01:11:18,052 I'm here doing something for no 1719 01:11:18,053 --> 01:11:21,397 fucking money, all because of you. 1720 01:11:21,480 --> 01:11:23,880 It feels like his whole life 1721 01:11:23,906 --> 01:11:26,335 was like a set up, and his 1722 01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:28,951 death was the punchline to a joke. 1723 01:11:28,960 --> 01:11:31,280 That in his own head, he was this 1724 01:11:31,320 --> 01:11:33,520 comedy rock star legend, 1725 01:11:33,533 --> 01:11:34,852 and now he is. 1726 01:11:34,853 --> 01:11:37,882 The man who shocked audiences and he gave 1727 01:11:37,883 --> 01:11:39,567 them one last shock didn't he? 1728 01:11:39,680 --> 01:11:42,200 The fact that he died on stage, it adds 1729 01:11:42,203 --> 01:11:44,062 to the myth, doesn't it? 1730 01:11:44,063 --> 01:11:45,472 But it is just a myth. 1731 01:11:45,473 --> 01:11:47,938 A lot nicer if we weren't making this film right? 1732 01:11:48,024 --> 01:11:50,335 One day the world might be a better place and 1733 01:11:50,360 --> 01:11:52,535 we will love each other and we will share things 1734 01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:54,573 together and it won't be a something for nothing 1735 01:11:54,598 --> 01:11:57,255 world or everything for some, it will be 1736 01:11:57,280 --> 01:11:59,975 everything for all of us shared out 1737 01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:02,240 equally. One day we just might live in a 1738 01:12:02,273 --> 01:12:04,732 world where there is nothing to be gained from 1739 01:12:04,733 --> 01:12:07,462 making people look small and taking the piss 1740 01:12:07,463 --> 01:12:11,627 out of them. And when that day happens, I am fucked.