1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:09,618 That's it. 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:09,661 --> 00:00:12,882 That's really the only reason I do this stuff, you know. 5 00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:15,145 To get a whopping round of applause when I enter the room. 6 00:00:15,189 --> 00:00:18,409 Thank you for coming. I got a little dressed up for you guys tonight. 7 00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:20,020 Thank you. 8 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:21,543 Thank you. 9 00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:26,852 Normally I'm in like a baseball cap and a hoodie very layered. 10 00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:31,118 It's almost like I'm dressed for a defensive game of strip poker. 11 00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:34,904 If anybody was to take me up on my challenges, you know. 12 00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,862 But I'm wearing what I want to wear. 13 00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:40,344 I feel like finally, after all these years, my affirmations are working. 14 00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,651 Yeah, thanks. I've been doing, honest to God, 15 00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:45,045 I've been doing affirmations for like 20 years, 16 00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:47,221 and you know, I love and adore myself. 17 00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,526 This too shall pass. 18 00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,311 Sometimes I feel like I'm brainwashed. 19 00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:53,618 Like the other day I went out to lunch alone, which I never do 20 00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:57,231 because I always feel like I get into something with the hostess, you know. 21 00:00:58,536 --> 00:01:00,103 She's always like, "Table for one?" 22 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:03,063 I'm like, "Yeah, but I'll be ordering for four." 23 00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:06,066 If I can get the six top in the corner, 24 00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:09,112 I'd like to have all my food laid out in front of me like a Grecian goddess. 25 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:12,594 Do you have a private party room 'cause I'd like to eat in my underwear? 26 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,205 And, uh... 27 00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:18,600 that'd be reflected in my tip. 28 00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:21,211 But I've been, I've been doing all this affirmations 29 00:01:21,255 --> 00:01:22,908 that I feel like I'm almost brainwashed, 30 00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:24,736 like the waitress came up to me and she said, "Are you ready?" 31 00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:26,303 And I said, I'm totally ready. 32 00:01:26,347 --> 00:01:28,523 No one can stop me. I'm big, I'm strong. I move fast. 33 00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,267 I'll take the pasta special. 34 00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:35,225 Thank you. 35 00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:38,141 I started doing all these affirmations. 36 00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:40,056 My mother, my parents were getting divorced. 37 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,841 My mother started doing all this stuff and I wanted to be like her. 38 00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:46,018 I was like in the ninth grade reading Codependent No More. 39 00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:48,978 You know, erogenous zones. 40 00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,458 By the time I graduated high school, 41 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:53,287 I had the vocabulary of a well-read divorcee. 42 00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:55,593 Honest to God, but I loved it. 43 00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,682 I loved all the like, the one liners, you know, 44 00:01:57,726 --> 00:02:02,034 the like Dr. Wayne Dyer would say like, "Change the way you look at things, 45 00:02:02,078 --> 00:02:04,211 and the things you look at will change." 46 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:06,561 Oh, so deep, right? I know. 47 00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:10,217 I remember. I tried out for a cheerleading squad and I didn't make it. 48 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:11,957 And my friends were like, you'll get it next year. 49 00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:13,611 And I was like, this too shall pass. 50 00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:19,182 Very, very emotionally disconnected for a 14-year-old. 51 00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:20,618 You know what I mean? 52 00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,794 I did. I've been doing them for a long time. 53 00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:24,883 I feel like, my mom, 54 00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:27,190 when my mother started doing them, she was like, I wanted to be just like her. 55 00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:28,800 She was always my mother. 56 00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:30,454 When my parents got divorced, we were so lucky to have her 57 00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:32,021 because she was like one of these people. 58 00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:34,806 Very charismatic, always dressed to the nines, you know. 59 00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:37,505 Some people might even say she was overdressed. 60 00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:39,811 Overdressed, overdressed for every occasion. 61 00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:44,076 I feel like her favorite look was like the captain of a ship, you know. 62 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:45,817 She loves to wear like starched pants 63 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:50,300 with a fitted blazer, some sort of gold emblem on it, you know. 64 00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:53,216 She's walking like she's in charge of something. 65 00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:57,438 You know, everyone at TJ Maxx thinks she's in the corporate office, you know. 66 00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,006 She's got that sort of... 67 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:02,921 She got that sort of power about her. 68 00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:06,186 But I think that is the only thing 69 00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,275 that her and my father ever had in common was they both like to get overdressed 70 00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:11,016 because he was always sitting around the couch in a three piece suit. 71 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:14,368 You know, just in case a pall-bearer dropped down at the last minute. 72 00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:19,111 He could get over there and save the day. 73 00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:21,810 But they were, they were very sophisticated looking couple. 74 00:03:21,853 --> 00:03:23,638 You know what I mean? Like you would see them and you'd be like, 75 00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:26,597 ooh, maybe they go home at the end of the day to a well set table, 76 00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:29,034 you know, maybe some Chicken Coq Au Vin 77 00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:33,256 or some roasted potatoes, you know, uh, a dry French red. 78 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:36,868 But in actuality, my mother was making like catering dish sizes of 79 00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:41,656 chicken Broccoli Ziti that we'd eat for three weeks, green bean casserole, 80 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:44,528 which is like canned green beans, cream of mushroom soup 81 00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:47,052 and free dried, freeze dried onion rings. 82 00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:51,231 If you're unfamiliar. Yeah, thank you. I know. 83 00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:53,363 If heaven forbid, someone would should forget 84 00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:55,887 the green bean casserole at a holiday, 85 00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:58,150 that's all people would talk about to the next holiday. 86 00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:01,763 They're like, nobody better fucking forget the green bean casserole. 87 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:06,202 But the best was my grandmother. 88 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,030 She liked to make dump cake, which I don't know 89 00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:11,033 if you guys know what dump cake is, but it's basically, yes, 90 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:17,474 okay, so it's like you know, you get a sheet cake pan, put canned pineapples 91 00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:21,391 and then Duncan Hines' cake mix with nothing added, just dry. 92 00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:24,655 Put that on top, slabs of butter. 93 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,962 Stick it in the oven for like 20 minutes. 94 00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:29,399 Take it out. Cool whip. 95 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:31,706 And then you're like, oh, the dump cake's ready. 96 00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:38,669 My grandmother would later go on to live in a 55 and over community. 97 00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:42,543 Leisure Woods, rock the Massachusetts and they put, 98 00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:45,328 they would put other people from Leisure Woods here. 99 00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:48,723 Oh, my God, that would be, that would be bananas. 100 00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:54,729 See a little Leisure Woods bus, uh... 101 00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:57,427 But she, she... 102 00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:59,603 they had, they had, like every year they had, 103 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:02,954 they did a recipe book, you know and every year my grandmother put, uh, dump cake, 104 00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:06,610 Catherine Cunningham, and we thought that was the coolest thing, 105 00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:09,657 and then we found out like she didn't create dump cake. 106 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:13,791 You know, like, just like my family to claim something that, like, 107 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:16,620 with embarrassing credentials, you know what I mean? 108 00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:18,970 It's like, oh yeah, I created that dump cake. 109 00:05:21,799 --> 00:05:25,150 But anyway, I was, I was reading all these, these self-help, 110 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,370 self-help books and everything when I was in high school. 111 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,807 But it wasn't like I didn't feel like bad as a kid, 112 00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:30,982 I wasn't like a shy kid. 113 00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:32,854 I thought, I thought, I liked myself. 114 00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,943 You know, I just wanted to be better, you know. 115 00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:37,249 And as an Irish Catholic, you never say you want to be better, 116 00:05:37,293 --> 00:05:40,383 because whoever you're talking to is, like better than who? 117 00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:42,429 Better than me? 118 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,474 Better than your mother? 119 00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:46,563 We've been doing this way a long time. 120 00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:48,522 Let's not rock the boat. 121 00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:53,178 But I was, I was, I feel like I was being, 122 00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:55,746 you know, as a and also as an Irish Catholic, you want to be good, 123 00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:57,705 but you just want to be good for the sake of being good. 124 00:05:57,748 --> 00:05:59,097 You don't want a showboat about it. 125 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:01,143 You know, you just quietly go along. 126 00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:05,147 And I was going to an all-girls Catholic high school, so I was being good, 127 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:07,802 Monday through Friday, uh. 128 00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:10,892 And then on the weekends, I was wearing my leopard jumpsuits. 129 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:15,070 But I feel like going to an all-girls Catholic high school, 130 00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:18,290 I feel like it was really kind of like social development isolation, 131 00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:21,032 you know, because like the girls who went to the Public high school, 132 00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:23,165 they always had a good idea 133 00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:25,428 what was going on with boys, you know, they'd be like that guy's flirting with me, 134 00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:28,213 or that guy's a dickhead or whatever, they knew. 135 00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:29,650 But as a girl going to an all-girls 136 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:31,608 Catholic high school, you never saw the boys 137 00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:34,437 until they were around the girls from the all-girls Catholic high school, 138 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:37,875 and they were acting crazy because they thought we were desperate, 139 00:06:37,919 --> 00:06:39,181 which we were. 140 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,706 And I just had no idea what to make of them. 141 00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,056 I remember once I was in high school 142 00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:48,320 and the guy I had a crush on, came streaking, 143 00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:52,890 you know, through the, through the cafeteria, four, you know, teenage boys 144 00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:56,372 ran through naked and I was like yes, I'll go to the prom with you. 145 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,767 I was like, I don't understand how this works. 146 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:03,248 I really don't get it. 147 00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:06,600 I was doing all this stuff and this is the thing, I feel like, 148 00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,558 so I didn't have a good litmus test for men. 149 00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:12,780 You know, my father was a little bit of a strange man. 150 00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,696 You know, I always like to say my mother's Irish Catholic 151 00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:19,047 and my father's Asperger's, you know. 152 00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:22,485 But he, he was one of these guys like, he would come home at the end of the day, 153 00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:25,183 and all he really wanted to talk about was how much he looked like Paul Newman, 154 00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:29,274 you know, that was really his big topic of conversation. 155 00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,015 But when we were kids, he would have us, 156 00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:33,931 you know, on the weekends, he was a regional handball champion. 157 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:37,674 He'd, he'd, I know he'd be very happy I mentioned that. 158 00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:40,285 And... 159 00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,200 Notice I put regional and not national. 160 00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:46,422 But anyway, he was a, no he was, he was, 161 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,380 he was a a champion of sorts, 162 00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:51,122 and he was very much into working out. 163 00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:53,385 So on the weekends, you know, sometimes when he was in charge 164 00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,344 of me and my sister, he'd be like, he would, 165 00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:56,737 he would have us out in the front yard 166 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,956 running military sprints, wrapped in garbage bags 167 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,219 so we would lose our water weight faster. 168 00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,527 Me and my sister would be like, petrified. 169 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:07,008 We'd wake up Saturday mornings hiding in our room. 170 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,793 He's like, "Get down here and read the dictionary." 171 00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,186 We're like, "Right after we finish making 172 00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:14,972 these license plates, Dad" like, it was terrible. 173 00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:17,714 He is crazy. 174 00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,803 Sometimes on a Saturday, he'd say to my mother, 175 00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:21,805 "You go out for the day, I'll take the kids." 176 00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:24,982 And so me and my sister would get in the car with my father, 177 00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:26,984 we're on the front seat, no seat belts. 178 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:30,335 And we'd be like, "Where are we going, Dad?" 179 00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:33,817 We're so excited and he was like, "Oh, you'll soon find out", 180 00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:37,081 and like 20 minutes later, we'd pull into the dog track. 181 00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:42,086 And... he'd have me and my sister place some bets. 182 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,610 I'm eight. She's five. 183 00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,177 And then he'd like, get so mad, 184 00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:48,092 if we didn't win, he'd be like, "What happened? 185 00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:50,355 That dog didn't win a place this show." 186 00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,227 What do you base that pick on?" 187 00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:55,970 I'm like he had purple in his name. 188 00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,362 I don't know. 189 00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:58,668 Are we getting pizza? 190 00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:02,237 But no, he wasn't like a loser. 191 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,587 He had a job. He was a lawyer. 192 00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,284 My mother was, my mother had a cafe 193 00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:09,026 and then she went on to be a teacher and real estate 194 00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,941 like, they knew how to make money. 195 00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:12,900 They just don't know how to keep it. 196 00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,468 I feel like every, but I've been here for like, 197 00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:19,428 my family's been here for, like, 300 years, 198 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,517 I'm like a third generation Cunningham, 199 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,388 we're all still acting like we just got here. 200 00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:27,349 You know, we're working two jobs, trying to get paid under the table. 201 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:32,702 No one owns any real estate. 202 00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:36,488 I'm like, who had the great idea to come over here? 203 00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:40,580 If we were in Lithuania, I'd have a farm house right now, you know. 204 00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:46,150 I even said to my, my relatives, I said, did our ancestors have a plan? 205 00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:48,762 They have a vision? They want to be pizza people? 206 00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:51,373 Fashionistas. What was it? Where did we go wrong? 207 00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:53,244 They all said the same thing. 208 00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,812 They said, I think we just came here because everybody was doing it. 209 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:57,771 Great. 210 00:09:57,814 --> 00:09:59,599 Third generation follower. 211 00:10:00,948 --> 00:10:01,949 Fantastic. 212 00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:04,995 To my father, he wasn't so good with money. 213 00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:07,389 And he and he wasn't so good with kids, either. 214 00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:10,653 He, after my parents got divorced, he would sometimes, like, 215 00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:13,003 just, like, disappear for like two months. 216 00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:15,789 But he wouldn't leave the 20-mile radius. 217 00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:18,661 So like me, mother and my sister would pull into a Burger King 218 00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:21,969 drive through and he'd be in the car in front of us... 219 00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:27,627 waving in the rearview like, he just met us at a cookout a couple of days ago, you know. 220 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,979 He was an odd guy. 221 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:35,373 Anyway, I was doing, so I was doing all these affirmations for years, 222 00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:37,811 and I just I really wasn't applying them to myself, 223 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:40,422 like I always like to apply them to other people. 224 00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:43,294 Um, but never to myself. 225 00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:45,079 Like my family. 226 00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:46,646 One of the like, the only thing they... 227 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:49,213 we can all agree that we love to do is eavesdrop. 228 00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:52,782 So when we go out to eat, nobody says a word. 229 00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:56,960 Everyone's just like this with their eyes darting around, 230 00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:59,615 trying to listen to the conversation behind them. 231 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,706 The waiter that comes up, like, "You guys ready to order?" and we're like, "Shh." 232 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:06,578 They're getting in a fight in the booth over there. 233 00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:09,669 Something about a Christmas party. Come back, come back. 234 00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:13,934 But even to this day, I want to do it 235 00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:16,806 like if I'm out, you know, at a bar and I'm listening, 236 00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,242 and the couple next to me, 237 00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:21,376 like the girls talking about some great bargain 238 00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:22,812 she got at, like, TJ Maxx 239 00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:24,901 and he he's, like, completely zoned out, 240 00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:27,295 and then he just goes to the bathroom without saying a word. 241 00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,732 I have to stop myself from, sliding into his seat 242 00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:32,387 like this guy's not listening to you. All right? 243 00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:37,044 He has no idea about the mandarin collar. 244 00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:38,088 I do. 245 00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:43,050 I think you better think about this. He's coming back. 246 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:49,970 I really do have to stop myself from doing stuff like that. 247 00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:53,103 But I did. I feel like I was, 248 00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:55,540 I didn't understand men and often in high school, 249 00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,978 I feel like I often like, confused 250 00:11:58,674 --> 00:12:00,894 lack of interest for shyness. 251 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:06,900 So like a guy wouldn't be interested in me, and I'd be like he's so shy. 252 00:12:07,465 --> 00:12:09,337 Oh, my God. 253 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,731 He doesn't even look at me when I talk to him. 254 00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,994 He must come from abusive home. 255 00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:17,127 I mean, I'm going to have to work really hard at this. 256 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:21,566 But I did. I feel like I always picked men who didn't really treat me 257 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,090 the way I wanted to be treated? 258 00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:25,353 And how did I want to be treated, you might ask? 259 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:28,182 Well, I wanted to be complimented, adored you know, 260 00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:30,924 I wanted to have conversations about self-development. 261 00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,709 I wanted guys to be honest with me. 262 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,842 I wanted them to say, you're too good for me. 263 00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,150 You're out of my league. 264 00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,067 But I always, I always wanted to help people. 265 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,330 I wanted to be better. I wanted other people to be better. 266 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:49,594 When I ended, when I went to college, I said I'm going to be a psychologist. 267 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:53,337 I went to the University of Miami, ready to become a psychologist. 268 00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:55,905 And then I met all these Jewish American princesses, 269 00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:59,953 and they were rich and flashy, and I liked it. 270 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:04,174 Like in Boston, you never knew anyone was rich until you found out they had a boat. 271 00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:08,396 You'll be like, they have boat money? Oh! 272 00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:09,963 I'd no idea. 273 00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,009 These girls were proud of their wealth. 274 00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:15,882 And I was like, I was like, I want to be like that, you know. 275 00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:18,449 I wanted to trade in my Liz Claiborne blazer 276 00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:21,931 and pearl necklace for rhinestone covered visor. 277 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,628 You know what I mean? 278 00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:25,239 Where's my second hand tour at? 279 00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:28,459 I'll take it. But they don't let you in that easy. 280 00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:30,461 But they were never broke. They never said I don't have any money. 281 00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:33,508 I can't go out. I could have no money for three days before my father 282 00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:36,903 would like FedEx me cash He was like one of these guys. 283 00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,122 He was always trying to get rich, quick scheme. 284 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,124 And one time he drove from Massachusetts 285 00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:45,868 to Florida to buy lottery tickets that weren't available in Massachusetts, 286 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:49,654 so that he could drive them back up and sell them at a premium. 287 00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:53,136 And got back to Massachusetts and thought there might be 288 00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:58,141 a winner in here and kept them all. 289 00:13:58,185 --> 00:14:02,580 So this is like, this is what we're dealing with, you know. 290 00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:06,889 So, yeah, these girls really turned my mind around 291 00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,673 about wanting to have some money, 292 00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,153 and I got out of college. 293 00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,852 I ended up working at Fidelity... 294 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:17,247 It was a Fidelity Mutual Fund company, and I was in a call center. 295 00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:21,251 Basically, I wore a headset, took incoming calls all day, 296 00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:22,774 telling people about their accounts, 297 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:26,474 you know, that have cash, mutual funds, whatever it was. 298 00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:29,520 I thought it was very interesting because I don't think we ever talked 299 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:33,263 about the stock market growing up, so I was like, oh, this is cool. 300 00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:35,135 We didn't have trust funds in my family. 301 00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:36,876 You know, we barely had trust. 302 00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:44,013 One time I actually asked my grandmother, I said, what's nepotism? 303 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,102 And she said, "Oh, I think it's like goat." 304 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:52,369 We don't, we don't even know the vocabulary. 305 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,155 That goes along with being wealthy. 306 00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:58,158 Anyways, I really, I liked this job. 307 00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:01,291 I liked learning. I liked, you know, I liked seeing all these people 308 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:03,946 with all this money. I could never be a financial advisor. 309 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,122 But I could certainly be a spending adviser. 310 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:09,952 I was like, you've $450,000 here. 311 00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:11,780 You know what you could buy with that? 312 00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:13,390 I do. 313 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,305 Let me send you a list. 314 00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:18,004 But my favorite part about that job was my boss. I had a female boss. 315 00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:20,267 She was the only female manager in that department. 316 00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,965 And she was a bodybuilder. Remember that. 317 00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:27,230 And I remember she was going to go on vacation with her boyfriend, 318 00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:30,407 and like, a week before the vacation, they broke up, 319 00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:32,279 and she went on the vacation anyway. 320 00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:35,195 And I was like, oh, I want to be like that. 321 00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:38,067 She was like very, 322 00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:40,374 she was nurturing me like she wanted me to be more like her, 323 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:44,291 like, she was trying to get me to take the the different licenses. 324 00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:47,207 I ended up getting my series 6, my 63 Mutual Fund licenses, 325 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:50,601 but I was also working at a at a restaurant as a hostess. 326 00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:53,604 And I liked that job better. Like I liked. I could wear what I want. 327 00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:57,391 I could flirt. I could drink. I wanted to be a bartender, you know. 328 00:15:58,131 --> 00:15:59,480 That's what I wanted to be. 329 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:02,091 You know, now 20 something years later, I'm like, 330 00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:04,267 I had a guy come in the other night, he was like, 331 00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:06,835 "I have $7. What should I get?" 332 00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:08,358 I'm like, I don't know, a job. 333 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:15,757 Some, some financial advice, perhaps. 334 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:19,543 Go buy a banana, make a phone call. 335 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,939 I can't help you here. 336 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,072 When you get out of college, you don't do what you want to do. 337 00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:30,467 You do what you're supposed to do. I kept, I got the job, benefits, all that stuff 338 00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:34,036 and I worked part time, always in a restaurant. 339 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:39,259 And I got to say, a lot of my friends at that time and my early like 20s 340 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:42,131 were getting married, and I was never that girl. 341 00:16:42,175 --> 00:16:44,133 I was never the girl, like, I want to get married, 342 00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:47,267 like, I was always like, against the customs. 343 00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:50,183 Everyone did the same thing. I wanted to be different. 344 00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,402 Especially bachelorette parties. 345 00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:55,753 I always had a hair across my ass about bachelorette parties. 346 00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:57,538 Because I feel like, it's not fair, 347 00:16:57,581 --> 00:17:00,454 like, bachelorette parties, guys will go to like a strip club, 348 00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:03,848 they'll go skiing, whatever, they don't self-identify 349 00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,763 as being in a bachelor party. 350 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:09,767 They're not wearing like a king's crown with a robe, with a velvet robe 351 00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:16,035 taking like, shots of tequila, out of vagina shaped shot glasses. 352 00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:20,343 They don't have to do any of that, you know. 353 00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:22,867 But we're supposed to, you know, you see these girls 354 00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:29,744 on their bachelorette parties with like, sashes and, you know, dick water guns 355 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:34,662 and ball bag mugs and, you know, making fools out of themselves. 356 00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,579 But I actually went. The last time 357 00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:40,363 I went to a bachelorette party was here in New York. 358 00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:44,063 I went to a male strip club, and I had this great idea. 359 00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,152 I was like, I'm going to get really dressed up, 360 00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:49,720 and I'm going to trick these strippers into thinking I'm a sugar mama. 361 00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:55,291 And I don't know where this idea came from, but I, but I acted on it, 362 00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,685 and I wore I wore like a black pantsuit, 363 00:17:57,728 --> 00:18:00,731 minimal makeup, low, you know, low ponytail, 364 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:04,387 and I went to meet my friends, who clearly looked like 365 00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:05,780 they were going to a male strip club. 366 00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:06,998 They had like high heels, 367 00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:10,480 low cut shirt, drunk and... 368 00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:13,483 and we go into the club. 369 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,268 Right away, I have these two strippers, 370 00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:19,141 like on either side of me, you know, humping my thighs. 371 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:23,537 You know, and I'm like, kind of like, stoically looking off like... 372 00:18:25,626 --> 00:18:30,326 What would a rich lady look like with two sets of balls on her thigh? 373 00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:37,942 And then, it occurred to me that I had, like, $17 in my bag. 374 00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:43,165 And I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to keep up this sugar mama facade 375 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:45,602 for very long and as I'm thinking this, 376 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:47,213 one of the guys like gets in front of me 377 00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:51,217 and he leans in and he goes, "Mother of the bride." 378 00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:54,176 "Mother of the bride." 379 00:18:57,658 --> 00:19:00,400 I know. Fail, fail. 380 00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:03,794 I was like, I'm the rich one. 381 00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:06,493 Idiot. 382 00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,758 But I do, I do. 383 00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:13,761 But honestly, like whenever I get invited to a bachelorette party, 384 00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:16,720 I always go because I've never been married, 385 00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:20,507 and if I don't go, they might think I'm jealous. 386 00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:24,250 And I'd rather spend 350 bucks doing something I don't want to do... 387 00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:30,125 than have someone think I want what they have. 388 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,387 You know what I mean? 389 00:19:31,431 --> 00:19:33,433 I feel like that's money well spent. 390 00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:38,699 Thank you. 391 00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:43,443 So, yeah, I was, I was trying to figure out what to do like next with my life. 392 00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:45,923 I was, you know, here I was, 393 00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:48,883 my friend's getting married. I'm working two jobs. 394 00:19:48,926 --> 00:19:51,973 I really didn't have any, like, big, I didn't know what to do. 395 00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:55,846 And no one in my family had really, like, uprooted themselves in a long time. 396 00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:59,023 My great great grandmother was the last one to really, like, 397 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,200 move away from the rest of us. 398 00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,332 I mean from her family, 399 00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:05,160 she moved from Lithuania here. 400 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,946 And she would just, like, sit in her overstuffed living room chair, 401 00:20:08,990 --> 00:20:11,775 looking out the window, ragging on people. You know what I mean? 402 00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:15,953 I was like, you could have done that in Lithuania, you know what I mean? 403 00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:20,349 So I was trying to figure out you know what to do with myself. 404 00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:22,308 Everyone in my family always like complained 405 00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:24,092 we didn't have connections. 406 00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:27,530 And every once in a while, someone would be like, I met someone. 407 00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:29,097 He's a good connection, you know. 408 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:31,708 And then it would turn out to be like a lateral connection. 409 00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:34,450 It was just like he couldn't really do anything for us, 410 00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:37,975 just like drag us along quicker. 411 00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:41,109 But every once in a while, my father would think, you know, he had, 412 00:20:41,152 --> 00:20:42,980 he was like a big swinging dick. 413 00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:45,418 And in high school, he would give, 414 00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:48,029 once in a while he'd get me, like tickets to a concert 415 00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:52,076 or a or a sporting event, and he'd say, he'd give me the tickets 416 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:53,817 and he'd be like, make sure to tell him, 417 00:20:53,861 --> 00:20:57,299 you're Cutsy Cunningham's daughter and nine times out of ten, 418 00:20:57,343 --> 00:21:00,868 they'd be like, "Who the fuck is Cutsy Cunningham?" 419 00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:03,262 They had no idea who he was. 420 00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:05,264 Cutsy was my father's nickname. 421 00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,787 Why? We don't know. 422 00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:11,095 He claimed that, he claimed that he worked at a butcher shop 423 00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:13,837 when he was young, but my mother knew him since he was like ten. 424 00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:18,581 She never knew him to work in a butcher shop, but we didn't ask any questions. 425 00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:22,411 We just called him Cutsy, you know. 426 00:21:22,455 --> 00:21:23,978 And in his, and in his defense, 427 00:21:24,021 --> 00:21:27,286 my grandmother was like a little bit of a wild lady. 428 00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:29,766 And she was like, you know, divorced three times 429 00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:32,856 when nobody got divorced, she was, you know, I guess, 430 00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:35,468 she would say she was a feminist, you know, she worked 40 years 431 00:21:35,511 --> 00:21:41,300 in Shawmut Bank as a manager, and she kind of fancied herself a man hater. 432 00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:45,521 She would, she always wore like nightgowns with matching robes, 433 00:21:45,565 --> 00:21:47,131 she got her hair done every Saturday. 434 00:21:47,175 --> 00:21:50,613 She'd sit at home, sometimes drinking a whiskey sours 435 00:21:50,657 --> 00:21:53,355 complete with, like, the cherry in it and everything. 436 00:21:53,399 --> 00:21:55,009 And I know and she would go my, 437 00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,794 she had a brother who was gay and they would go on gay cruises 438 00:21:57,838 --> 00:22:00,449 way before they would even, you know, call them that. 439 00:22:01,537 --> 00:22:04,061 So, she was, she was like a hot shit. 440 00:22:04,105 --> 00:22:06,629 So every once in a while, and she loved horror films. 441 00:22:06,673 --> 00:22:08,544 So every time, like every once in a while 442 00:22:08,588 --> 00:22:10,459 we'd go and stay over there on a Saturday night, 443 00:22:10,503 --> 00:22:14,071 me and my sister and she'd be like drinking a whiskey sours in her, 444 00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:17,814 her nightgown and robe and she'd say like, all right, time for bed 445 00:22:17,858 --> 00:22:21,949 and we'd follow her up the stairs, her robes swinging back and forth. 446 00:22:21,992 --> 00:22:23,603 She had a bookcase outside of her bedroom, 447 00:22:23,646 --> 00:22:25,735 with all the book covers turned inside out. 448 00:22:26,432 --> 00:22:27,607 Nobody ever asked. 449 00:22:32,655 --> 00:22:35,354 We go, we go, we get in her room. 450 00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:37,312 She has, like these big velvet curtains 451 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:40,010 that act as blackout curtains, pulls those shut. 452 00:22:40,054 --> 00:22:44,319 Her big, huge, like armoire size TV turns on a horror film. 453 00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:50,717 King size bed, single woman and uh... we'd all like, jump into the bed 454 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,850 and like not even 10 minutes later, she'd start to fall asleep 455 00:22:53,894 --> 00:22:55,722 and she'd turn to me and my sister and be like, 456 00:22:55,765 --> 00:22:57,898 "Now, don't wake your grandmother up." 457 00:22:57,941 --> 00:23:00,857 And me and my sister would be lying there stiff as a board. 458 00:23:00,901 --> 00:23:03,120 We don't know if it's morning, noon or night. 459 00:23:04,208 --> 00:23:07,037 Like the 17th person just got murdered on the TV. 460 00:23:08,909 --> 00:23:11,825 So the next morning we'd like be running back home 461 00:23:11,868 --> 00:23:14,523 and our friends would be like, "I went to my grandmother's. 462 00:23:14,567 --> 00:23:16,090 We made chocolate chip cookies." 463 00:23:17,831 --> 00:23:20,747 It would be like we saw a bride get beheaded on the TV. 464 00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:24,098 Did you know you can't trace cyanide? 465 00:23:28,755 --> 00:23:33,150 I have to say, you know, I never really realized 466 00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:35,936 how cheap my family was till my grandmother passed away. 467 00:23:35,979 --> 00:23:37,459 We all went together to the funeral home 468 00:23:37,503 --> 00:23:39,896 because it never, we had never had to do it before. 469 00:23:39,940 --> 00:23:41,724 We wanted to see how it all went down. 470 00:23:41,768 --> 00:23:43,552 And they started going through the charges. They're like, 471 00:23:43,596 --> 00:23:46,599 it's going to cost $750 to break ground. 472 00:23:46,642 --> 00:23:49,036 And my mother was like, "Uncle Jimmy's got a snow shovel. 473 00:23:49,079 --> 00:23:50,080 I think he can..." 474 00:23:52,126 --> 00:23:55,521 They're like, "No, you got to use our guys." 475 00:23:56,783 --> 00:23:59,960 And then they got to the coffins, $2500 baseline. 476 00:24:00,003 --> 00:24:02,919 Everyone in unison was like, she really likes sleeping bags. 477 00:24:03,790 --> 00:24:05,444 She was always in a sleeping bag. 478 00:24:07,315 --> 00:24:10,623 It'd be a shame if we didn't bury her in the Winnie-the-Pooh sack... 479 00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,495 she liked to nap in. 480 00:24:13,539 --> 00:24:14,931 No, it's terrible. She was definitely 481 00:24:14,975 --> 00:24:16,977 my favorite family member, you know. 482 00:24:17,020 --> 00:24:20,154 You know that she was kind of like a dirty old lady, you know that, 483 00:24:20,197 --> 00:24:21,634 old wives tale. 484 00:24:21,677 --> 00:24:23,897 If a man has big hands, it means he has a big dick. 485 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,682 Just my family? Okay. 486 00:24:28,292 --> 00:24:31,818 All the guys with small hands are like, that's not necessarily... 487 00:24:33,994 --> 00:24:36,518 But my grandmother would take like any obvious 488 00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:39,565 physical characteristic of a man and correlate that 489 00:24:39,608 --> 00:24:41,392 into meaning he had a big dick. 490 00:24:41,436 --> 00:24:44,874 So it should be like, see that guy over there in the wheelchair? 491 00:24:46,615 --> 00:24:48,487 You know what that means, don't you? 492 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:55,276 Me and me and my sister will be like, "Grandmother, guy's got no legs." 493 00:24:57,670 --> 00:25:00,281 She's like, "Exactly." 494 00:25:00,324 --> 00:25:03,589 He probably cut off his own legs to highlight that big dick he has. 495 00:25:06,853 --> 00:25:09,029 That's what happens to guys with big dicks. 496 00:25:10,596 --> 00:25:11,814 They go crazy. 497 00:25:15,688 --> 00:25:18,342 She was a trip. 498 00:25:18,386 --> 00:25:20,997 But no, every once in a while, you know, I have to say, 499 00:25:21,041 --> 00:25:23,130 as the years went on, after my parents were divorced, 500 00:25:23,173 --> 00:25:25,132 I wouldn't talk to him for long periods of time. 501 00:25:25,175 --> 00:25:26,307 And I remember I was 18. 502 00:25:26,350 --> 00:25:28,048 I hadn't talked to him in six months. 503 00:25:28,091 --> 00:25:31,225 I wasn't calling him because basically out of spite, you know. 504 00:25:31,268 --> 00:25:34,620 And I needed a car, and my mother was like, "You got to call him." 505 00:25:34,663 --> 00:25:38,058 And I called them and I said, You know, I need a car, 506 00:25:38,101 --> 00:25:40,669 and he was like, "Oh, I have an extra car for you." 507 00:25:42,062 --> 00:25:45,065 We don't come from a family of fleets, you know. 508 00:25:46,719 --> 00:25:49,199 And I was like, oh, God, like, all right, well, what, 509 00:25:49,243 --> 00:25:50,679 what's the story with it? 510 00:25:50,723 --> 00:25:53,813 And he said, it's in a lot in South Boston. 511 00:25:53,856 --> 00:25:57,077 Go over there, tell them you're Cutsy Cunningham's daughter. 512 00:25:57,599 --> 00:26:00,210 And... 513 00:26:00,254 --> 00:26:04,127 And I was like, I really wasn't doing that anymore. 514 00:26:04,171 --> 00:26:06,086 But I wanted the car. 515 00:26:07,261 --> 00:26:08,871 So I went. 516 00:26:08,915 --> 00:26:10,960 Two of my friends drive me. This was, like, way before GPS. 517 00:26:11,004 --> 00:26:14,660 And we just had it written down on a piece of paper, and we're driving around. 518 00:26:14,703 --> 00:26:16,444 It's like nothing. You can't see anything. 519 00:26:16,487 --> 00:26:17,837 There's no stores, there's no people. 520 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,230 It's just like industrial lots of... 521 00:26:20,274 --> 00:26:24,974 No car lots and, and then we see one little lot 522 00:26:25,018 --> 00:26:29,370 in the, in the distance that has, like a hut with a light on. 523 00:26:29,413 --> 00:26:31,328 And I'm like, oh, God, what is this? 524 00:26:32,808 --> 00:26:36,290 So we pull up and my friends are like, "We'll wait here." 525 00:26:36,333 --> 00:26:39,510 And um... and I guess I get out. 526 00:26:39,554 --> 00:26:44,733 I hear the car doors like lock behind me and I start going. 527 00:26:44,777 --> 00:26:46,169 I'm like, it's is all garbage. 528 00:26:46,213 --> 00:26:49,869 It's like you know, old tires, TVs, all this crap. 529 00:26:49,912 --> 00:26:51,610 I'm like, is all this stuff 530 00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:56,092 my father's stuff? You know, like Cutsy Cunningham's junkyard? 531 00:26:56,136 --> 00:26:58,312 And I would always be surprised because as kids, 532 00:26:58,355 --> 00:27:01,141 if we were driving down the road and he saw a trash bag 533 00:27:01,184 --> 00:27:03,534 on the other side of the road, he would pull a UE 534 00:27:03,578 --> 00:27:05,754 to go and see what was in that bag. 535 00:27:05,798 --> 00:27:09,410 And if it wasn't decomposing, it went in the trunk. 536 00:27:09,453 --> 00:27:12,456 Me and my sister would be like, "What are you going to do with that, Dad?" 537 00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:15,111 He's like, "Sell it at a yard sale." 538 00:27:15,155 --> 00:27:19,463 And you know, in his defense, we do come from a long line 539 00:27:19,507 --> 00:27:21,161 of unsuccessful yard sales. 540 00:27:23,424 --> 00:27:27,950 Every, every year, every year, someone wants to give it one more shot, you know. 541 00:27:27,994 --> 00:27:31,519 And I just feel like yard sales are just like a public admission 542 00:27:31,562 --> 00:27:33,347 of being like I don't know what trash is. 543 00:27:37,873 --> 00:27:40,746 Let me pull all this stuff on the front lawn. 544 00:27:41,529 --> 00:27:43,183 Let the general public decide. 545 00:27:44,663 --> 00:27:48,101 That's like, "Oh, no, that's not garbage. That is a price tag on it." 546 00:27:48,449 --> 00:27:50,451 Yeah. 547 00:27:50,494 --> 00:27:53,672 Three hours from now, when I pull it four feet that way, then it'll be trash. 548 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,196 Right now, it's my inventory. 549 00:27:57,676 --> 00:27:59,068 But if you don't go to yard sales, 550 00:27:59,112 --> 00:28:02,245 you know, they have lingo in the yard sale world. 551 00:28:02,289 --> 00:28:05,031 One of the, one of the terms is called an early bird. 552 00:28:06,032 --> 00:28:07,033 Thank you. 553 00:28:07,903 --> 00:28:09,688 And basically, it'll say on the thing, 554 00:28:09,731 --> 00:28:12,603 "Yard sale, ten to noon. No early birds." 555 00:28:12,647 --> 00:28:13,996 They don't want people showing up 556 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,695 cherry picking the good stuff at 9 AM. 557 00:28:16,738 --> 00:28:19,175 You know, but my mother is an early bird, 558 00:28:19,219 --> 00:28:22,222 and she doesn't care what they say on the flyer. 559 00:28:24,050 --> 00:28:26,966 So we'll go to the yard sale. 560 00:28:27,009 --> 00:28:29,229 And she'll send me up to try to see what's going on, 561 00:28:29,272 --> 00:28:31,535 and I'm like peeking in the windows. 562 00:28:31,579 --> 00:28:33,624 Looks like a bunch of junk, ma. 563 00:28:33,668 --> 00:28:37,019 And then I get back to the car only to find it were the wrong address. 564 00:28:37,324 --> 00:28:39,065 And... 565 00:28:39,935 --> 00:28:42,242 Pull off in a puff of smoke. 566 00:28:43,809 --> 00:28:45,941 Anyway, so here I am. I'm in this like junkyard, 567 00:28:45,985 --> 00:28:48,291 trying to retrieve a present from my father. 568 00:28:48,335 --> 00:28:49,728 And... 569 00:28:51,077 --> 00:28:54,471 I go up to the to the booth and I tell him, 570 00:28:54,515 --> 00:28:58,824 I'm Cutsy Cunningham's daughter and he's like, "Oh, it's the only car in the lot." 571 00:28:58,867 --> 00:29:01,261 "Straight to the back. You'll see it." 572 00:29:01,304 --> 00:29:02,784 So I'm walking back there. 573 00:29:02,828 --> 00:29:04,743 I don't see anything. Nothing that looks like a car. 574 00:29:04,786 --> 00:29:06,222 It's just all junk. 575 00:29:06,266 --> 00:29:08,355 Like, I don't know what the fuck is going on around here. 576 00:29:08,398 --> 00:29:12,620 And then I see, like, what might be like a roof of a car, 577 00:29:12,663 --> 00:29:16,363 but like low to the like, not car level. 578 00:29:16,406 --> 00:29:20,541 I'm like, is that, I'm getting closer and I see it's just like, 579 00:29:20,584 --> 00:29:22,891 bird shit, dirt, everything. It is. 580 00:29:22,935 --> 00:29:24,850 It's the roof of a car. 581 00:29:24,893 --> 00:29:27,809 The car is on like forced into blocks. 582 00:29:27,853 --> 00:29:30,290 I'm like my father gave me a car with no wheels. 583 00:29:31,334 --> 00:29:32,466 I love and adore myself. 584 00:29:34,468 --> 00:29:35,991 This too shall pass. 585 00:29:37,427 --> 00:29:40,343 But I was like, I was like, embarrassed, you know. 586 00:29:40,387 --> 00:29:43,303 And I went back to my friends and I was like, oh, I think it needs a tune up. 587 00:29:45,522 --> 00:29:47,481 I'll pick it up next week. 588 00:29:47,524 --> 00:29:51,702 And I went home and I called my father and I was like the car has no wheels. 589 00:29:51,746 --> 00:29:56,185 And he was like, "Well, I guess you'd better put some wheels on it then." 590 00:29:56,229 --> 00:30:00,320 Like, oh, the bad connections just keep getting worse. 591 00:30:01,538 --> 00:30:03,453 So that was when I was 18. 592 00:30:03,497 --> 00:30:07,457 Now I'm like, you know, in my mid-20s, I'm in Boston, working two jobs. 593 00:30:07,501 --> 00:30:09,938 I don't have a man. I'm like, I want to do something. 594 00:30:09,982 --> 00:30:11,810 I want to, I want to get up and go. 595 00:30:11,853 --> 00:30:15,596 And my friend who I went to college with was living here in New York, 596 00:30:15,639 --> 00:30:19,034 and she called and she was like, "Oh, my roommate moved out. 597 00:30:19,078 --> 00:30:21,167 If you really want to move to New York, this is a great time. 598 00:30:21,210 --> 00:30:22,646 All you have to do is pack your stuff. 599 00:30:22,690 --> 00:30:25,649 You have a place to stay, you know, you know people." 600 00:30:25,693 --> 00:30:27,434 And I was like, all right, I'm going to think about it, 601 00:30:27,477 --> 00:30:29,479 and she was like, "You've been talking about moving to New York, 602 00:30:29,523 --> 00:30:33,005 you know, for years and were you just like blowing smoke?" 603 00:30:33,048 --> 00:30:35,442 And so I packed my bags and I moved. 604 00:30:35,485 --> 00:30:38,837 And I like to think I moved to New York because Monica called my bluff. 605 00:30:39,185 --> 00:30:41,404 But, uh... 606 00:30:41,448 --> 00:30:43,624 But I was like, nervous to come here. 607 00:30:43,667 --> 00:30:48,324 I was excited but I was nervous. I was really afraid that I was going to be promiscuous. 608 00:30:50,979 --> 00:30:54,591 Because I was, I was... listen, I'm, I'm a horny girl. 609 00:30:54,635 --> 00:30:59,509 Uh, but I'm not promiscuous like I don't even like to have sex with the lights on. 610 00:30:59,553 --> 00:31:02,904 You know, my motto is, you want me, you can grope around and find me. 611 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:08,344 I'll be... 612 00:31:08,388 --> 00:31:10,477 I'll be in the second closet to the left... 613 00:31:14,046 --> 00:31:16,483 with every item of clothing I have on. 614 00:31:17,788 --> 00:31:20,313 But I was nervous because I had this vision of New York 615 00:31:20,356 --> 00:31:22,793 being like all these James Bond type characters 616 00:31:22,837 --> 00:31:24,926 who like prey on the newcomers, you know, 617 00:31:24,970 --> 00:31:29,452 and I had visions of me waking up and, like sparsely decorated lofts 618 00:31:29,496 --> 00:31:36,372 and being sent home in a black car, you know, never to see this man again. 619 00:31:36,416 --> 00:31:40,246 I feel like I was very much in fear of having, like a rich man affair. 620 00:31:40,289 --> 00:31:43,249 You know, I'm like, what was the problem, Kendra? 621 00:31:45,468 --> 00:31:49,690 But I, I, I, I came here and I really, in the first year 622 00:31:49,733 --> 00:31:51,213 that I was here, I really didn't meet 623 00:31:51,257 --> 00:31:53,172 a lot of men. I was very surprised 624 00:31:53,215 --> 00:31:56,044 because especially in my 20s, I was pretty aggressive. 625 00:31:56,088 --> 00:31:59,395 Like, if a guy gave me his card, I would give him a call. 626 00:31:59,439 --> 00:32:03,051 If he didn't call me back, I'd shoot him an email. 627 00:32:03,095 --> 00:32:06,315 I don't think it's a crime for a woman to pursue a man. 628 00:32:06,359 --> 00:32:08,883 You know, maybe I'd stop by his place of employment, 629 00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:11,320 drop off an application, you know. 630 00:32:13,061 --> 00:32:14,802 Not against the law. 631 00:32:14,845 --> 00:32:19,285 It turns out it is. Yeah, it's called stalking and harassment. 632 00:32:21,026 --> 00:32:24,377 Very easy to get convicted in that crime. 633 00:32:24,420 --> 00:32:27,249 I was here for, like a year, and I was like, I remember I was 634 00:32:27,293 --> 00:32:32,254 in my room on Mulberry Street and I was making a list. 635 00:32:32,298 --> 00:32:34,213 They always say, you got to have a list 636 00:32:34,256 --> 00:32:37,694 of what you want in a partner, you know, and invite it in. 637 00:32:37,738 --> 00:32:39,914 And every once in a while I'll be like I don't have a list. 638 00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:42,264 That's my problem. 639 00:32:42,308 --> 00:32:45,789 So I was writing, you know, cute, smart, funny, short list. 640 00:32:45,833 --> 00:32:47,574 And I started thinking about this guy 641 00:32:47,617 --> 00:32:50,490 that I had made out with a couple of times back home, 642 00:32:50,533 --> 00:32:52,622 and he hadn't called me since I moved 643 00:32:52,666 --> 00:32:56,322 and I hadn't called him and I was like, you know, 644 00:32:56,365 --> 00:33:00,717 he's probably intimidated, you know, he's... 645 00:33:00,761 --> 00:33:03,242 He probably doesn't know exactly what to say to me. 646 00:33:03,285 --> 00:33:06,506 I moved to New York. He's living in his parent's basement. 647 00:33:07,376 --> 00:33:09,161 I'm going to give him a call. 648 00:33:09,204 --> 00:33:11,163 And I called him and I was like, hey, what's up? 649 00:33:11,206 --> 00:33:13,600 And he was like, "You going Macca's party?" 650 00:33:14,644 --> 00:33:16,298 I'm like, I live in New York. 651 00:33:16,342 --> 00:33:18,170 I moved to New York like a year ago. 652 00:33:19,606 --> 00:33:22,696 Twelve months, 360 something days, you know, 653 00:33:22,739 --> 00:33:26,526 and he was like, "That's too bad because Macca's party's going to be sick." 654 00:33:29,746 --> 00:33:33,315 And I hung up and I was like, I didn't feel good, you know, 655 00:33:33,359 --> 00:33:36,057 and I was, like, disappointed in myself. 656 00:33:36,101 --> 00:33:38,451 I was like, here you are. You know, you packed up. 657 00:33:38,494 --> 00:33:40,148 You moved. You want to do something different, 658 00:33:40,192 --> 00:33:42,368 and now you're like, reaching back and, 659 00:33:42,411 --> 00:33:45,501 and, reaching out to people who don't care about you anymore. 660 00:33:45,545 --> 00:33:46,850 Well, maybe never did. 661 00:33:46,894 --> 00:33:49,810 And I started looking up therapists. 662 00:33:49,853 --> 00:33:53,509 And I found a therapist, 10 minute walk from my apartment. 663 00:33:53,553 --> 00:33:57,600 I picked her based on proximity because I wanted help. 664 00:33:57,644 --> 00:34:00,299 But I didn't want a fucking hassle, you know. 665 00:34:05,913 --> 00:34:07,654 I just moved to New York. 666 00:34:07,697 --> 00:34:11,527 I just had a big hassle, you know, I wanted something to be easy. 667 00:34:11,571 --> 00:34:14,095 So I went and I got to say, I really liked her. 668 00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:16,141 She was stylish. 669 00:34:16,184 --> 00:34:19,100 And that was one of the things when I came here that I really wanted to do. 670 00:34:19,144 --> 00:34:21,059 You know, I wanted to be stylish. 671 00:34:21,102 --> 00:34:25,498 I wanted to have, like the courage to be stylish that my mother had and, 672 00:34:25,541 --> 00:34:28,675 and you know, she was, I always paid her in cash. 673 00:34:28,718 --> 00:34:30,068 That was my big thing. 674 00:34:30,111 --> 00:34:32,113 I didn't want, like a paper trail of my... 675 00:34:32,853 --> 00:34:35,334 of my menial gripes. 676 00:34:35,377 --> 00:34:38,902 Um, but I like to call it my hush money. 677 00:34:38,946 --> 00:34:41,601 And after every session, I'd stand up 678 00:34:41,644 --> 00:34:44,082 and I'd count it out and very dramatically say, 679 00:34:44,125 --> 00:34:46,475 "This ought to help you keep your mouth shut." 680 00:34:49,348 --> 00:34:50,914 Anyway, I was in ther-- 681 00:34:50,958 --> 00:34:53,091 So I was in therapy with this woman, and I didn't realize 682 00:34:53,134 --> 00:34:57,834 how many like defense mechanisms I had in place, you know, like, whatever repression and, 683 00:34:57,878 --> 00:35:00,446 and projection, intellectualization. That was my big one. 684 00:35:00,489 --> 00:35:02,100 I love to talk about this stuff, 685 00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:03,927 but I didn't actually, like, feel it. 686 00:35:03,971 --> 00:35:05,538 And she was, 687 00:35:05,581 --> 00:35:07,888 she was always trying to steer the direction like, 688 00:35:07,931 --> 00:35:11,674 of the conversation towards my father, and I knew what she was doing. 689 00:35:13,633 --> 00:35:14,634 Analyzing me. 690 00:35:16,114 --> 00:35:17,289 So obvious. 691 00:35:19,682 --> 00:35:23,425 But the thing is, I didn't want to have Daddy issues. 692 00:35:23,469 --> 00:35:26,124 You know, I wanted to be fucked up in a different way. 693 00:35:27,821 --> 00:35:29,779 I want, I, I did. 694 00:35:29,823 --> 00:35:33,435 I wanted her to be like, I've never seen a case like this before in my life. 695 00:35:33,479 --> 00:35:37,961 You're very interesting... and unique. 696 00:35:38,005 --> 00:35:40,312 We didn't study this in therapy school. 697 00:35:41,008 --> 00:35:42,401 I'm not sure I can help you. 698 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:45,839 There's one man in Austria. 699 00:35:47,232 --> 00:35:49,059 Lives in a mountain. 700 00:35:49,103 --> 00:35:50,800 You have to hike there barefoot. 701 00:35:52,237 --> 00:35:53,542 Follow the doves. 702 00:35:58,243 --> 00:36:00,593 But I really, I did. I- I didn't want to, 703 00:36:00,636 --> 00:36:02,943 I didn't want any of my issues to have anything to do with my father, 704 00:36:02,986 --> 00:36:05,032 and a lot of times I would even start my sessions like, 705 00:36:05,075 --> 00:36:06,816 this has nothing to do with my father. 706 00:36:08,427 --> 00:36:10,255 But I would just tell her factual stories 707 00:36:10,298 --> 00:36:15,608 that I could tell she thought were more deep than they, than I did. 708 00:36:15,651 --> 00:36:19,481 I like I told her like, we had, when I went 709 00:36:19,525 --> 00:36:22,267 to the University of Miami, I lived in a house off campus 710 00:36:22,310 --> 00:36:24,182 with three of my friends when we graduated, 711 00:36:24,225 --> 00:36:28,142 we can have a big party and have all our families meet each other. 712 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:30,927 And so my, my father drove, flew down. 713 00:36:30,971 --> 00:36:32,233 My mother flew down, separate. 714 00:36:32,277 --> 00:36:34,757 My sister was already, going as an undergrad, 715 00:36:34,801 --> 00:36:36,237 and we had the party. 716 00:36:36,281 --> 00:36:38,196 And so everyone comes back. 717 00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:39,849 My father drives up in his rented car 718 00:36:39,893 --> 00:36:42,983 and proceeds to park outside like he's on surveillance. 719 00:36:43,026 --> 00:36:45,203 And I don't ask any questions. 720 00:36:45,246 --> 00:36:46,987 You know, I'm bringing them pizza, 721 00:36:47,030 --> 00:36:51,034 bringing them cake and my therapist is like, foaming at the mouth. 722 00:36:51,078 --> 00:36:54,603 She's so excited, you know, She's like, how do you feel? 723 00:36:55,909 --> 00:36:57,345 I was like leading question. 724 00:36:59,565 --> 00:37:02,742 No, but, no we, we, we never really had, 725 00:37:02,785 --> 00:37:06,398 we never confronted anything in my family, especially anger. 726 00:37:06,441 --> 00:37:08,704 It was like, you want to sit down and talk for five minutes 727 00:37:08,748 --> 00:37:11,054 about something you did that pissed me off. 728 00:37:11,098 --> 00:37:16,364 I think I'll opt for the act vaguely uninterested in you for five to seven years option. 729 00:37:16,408 --> 00:37:18,932 See if you ever wear the same prom dress as me again. 730 00:37:25,286 --> 00:37:27,549 But at this point, like, in in my time 731 00:37:27,593 --> 00:37:29,508 with my therapist, I hadn't talked to my father 732 00:37:29,551 --> 00:37:33,686 in a couple of years and I feel like going there, 733 00:37:33,729 --> 00:37:36,210 I wanted to go in, like on a Tuesday at one 734 00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:39,909 and leave at two and be like, "Thank God I took care of that." 735 00:37:39,953 --> 00:37:42,912 But it was, you know, therapy, got to go on for a long time. 736 00:37:42,956 --> 00:37:44,305 Very gradual. 737 00:37:44,349 --> 00:37:46,307 You know, I feel like during the course of 738 00:37:46,351 --> 00:37:48,962 seeing her, I started wearing, my vintage numbers. 739 00:37:49,005 --> 00:37:50,572 No one would ask me questions. 740 00:37:50,616 --> 00:37:54,054 I was picking better guys. 741 00:37:54,097 --> 00:37:58,363 I will say, like I remember, at the time, I had been involved 742 00:37:58,406 --> 00:38:00,495 with a guy that like, ghosted me. 743 00:38:00,539 --> 00:38:04,412 They didn't have that term then, and I had been dating him for like, three months. 744 00:38:04,456 --> 00:38:05,892 And then he disappeared. 745 00:38:05,935 --> 00:38:07,720 Showed up, like, a month later at the bar I worked out, 746 00:38:07,763 --> 00:38:10,288 and acted like nothing ever happened. 747 00:38:10,331 --> 00:38:13,943 And I was like, oh, really, we're going to date for three months, 748 00:38:13,987 --> 00:38:18,121 you disappear, you show up at the bar, I work at like, nothing ever happened. 749 00:38:18,165 --> 00:38:19,427 You know what I'm going to do? 750 00:38:19,471 --> 00:38:21,560 I'm going to make sweet, sweet love to you. 751 00:38:22,648 --> 00:38:23,649 Yeah. 752 00:38:24,780 --> 00:38:25,781 Yeah. 753 00:38:27,392 --> 00:38:28,567 Teach you a lesson. 754 00:38:35,008 --> 00:38:36,226 But I did. 755 00:38:36,270 --> 00:38:38,316 I started staying away from guys like that. 756 00:38:38,359 --> 00:38:39,621 I felt like, you know what, 757 00:38:39,665 --> 00:38:42,145 I think I was over, like, I was over therapy, 758 00:38:42,189 --> 00:38:44,060 but I didn't know how to address it. 759 00:38:44,104 --> 00:38:47,237 And I noticed I started bringing like my lunch with me to my sessions. 760 00:38:47,281 --> 00:38:50,632 And it's hard to like, really get deep 761 00:38:50,676 --> 00:38:53,940 while you're eating a meatball sub, you know what I mean? 762 00:38:53,983 --> 00:38:56,769 So eventually, we had a discussion about it. 763 00:38:56,812 --> 00:38:57,900 No more eating. 764 00:38:57,944 --> 00:39:00,076 And I said, let's just call it quits. 765 00:39:01,774 --> 00:39:05,299 And, but I was happy with, like with the services I got there, 766 00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:09,912 and all that stuff and like two years later, after all that, 767 00:39:09,956 --> 00:39:13,916 my father passed away and, and I was like, oh, should I call her? 768 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,962 We spent a lot of time talking about him. 769 00:39:16,005 --> 00:39:19,357 And then I was like, no, she might think I had something to do with it. 770 00:39:20,314 --> 00:39:22,011 Just let it go. 771 00:39:25,145 --> 00:39:29,192 But the truth is that he had, he had a heart attack. 772 00:39:29,236 --> 00:39:31,412 He had gone and gotten a hip replacement. 773 00:39:31,456 --> 00:39:34,850 And then he left rehab early against doctor's orders, 774 00:39:34,894 --> 00:39:36,983 went to my grandmother's house with his girlfriend. 775 00:39:37,026 --> 00:39:41,422 We found he had a girlfriend and keeled over. 776 00:39:41,466 --> 00:39:46,209 And the girlfriend claimed that moments before he keeled over, he proposed. 777 00:39:46,253 --> 00:39:50,779 Yeah. Everyone in the Cunningham camp was like, that sounds a little fishy. 778 00:39:54,087 --> 00:39:57,482 I was like, oh my father promising you something you want really bad 779 00:39:57,525 --> 00:39:59,919 and then finding a weird loop hole to get out of it. 780 00:40:00,746 --> 00:40:01,834 I don't know. 781 00:40:03,270 --> 00:40:04,924 Sounds a little calculated. 782 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:08,449 But I didn't want to go, 783 00:40:08,493 --> 00:40:10,408 I didn't want to go to the services, you know. 784 00:40:10,451 --> 00:40:13,454 I hadn't been back in Boston. I had been living in New York for long, 785 00:40:13,498 --> 00:40:17,763 I never really saw people that, I wasn't running into people a lot, 786 00:40:17,806 --> 00:40:20,243 that knew my history with my father. 787 00:40:20,287 --> 00:40:21,941 When you meet people as an adult, 788 00:40:21,984 --> 00:40:24,683 they don't ask you, what's relationship like with your father. 789 00:40:25,988 --> 00:40:27,990 I really didn't want to see all these people 790 00:40:28,034 --> 00:40:31,472 that knew the back story and have to, like, face it. 791 00:40:31,516 --> 00:40:34,432 And I didn't want, like, I felt like, 792 00:40:34,475 --> 00:40:36,259 I had always sort of had this idea 793 00:40:36,303 --> 00:40:40,002 that he was going to call me and be like, "Why don't we go to pizza 794 00:40:40,046 --> 00:40:42,570 and I'll explain all this", and it'll be very logical explanation 795 00:40:42,614 --> 00:40:48,446 and would go on and also it was sort of very final, you know, like... 796 00:40:48,489 --> 00:40:51,927 now I was like this girl who hadn't talked to her father in years when he passed away. 797 00:40:51,971 --> 00:40:54,016 And I didn't identify as being like that 798 00:40:54,060 --> 00:40:57,498 fucked up, you know. So, and I don't want to deal with it. 799 00:40:57,542 --> 00:41:00,762 Like any good Boston chick who doesn't want to deal with her feelings, 800 00:41:00,806 --> 00:41:03,504 I grabbed a six pack of Sam Adams, 801 00:41:03,548 --> 00:41:06,246 and a pack of parliaments. 802 00:41:06,289 --> 00:41:12,252 And I sat in the funeral home parking lot, drinking beers and smoking butts... 803 00:41:13,819 --> 00:41:16,082 until my mother came out like, "Get in here." 804 00:41:17,997 --> 00:41:19,999 But I wasn't. I will say the wake wasn't that bad. 805 00:41:20,042 --> 00:41:23,481 My mother and my father, like I said, knew each other since they were kids. 806 00:41:23,524 --> 00:41:24,873 So we go into the funeral home. 807 00:41:24,917 --> 00:41:26,875 My mother's like holding court. 808 00:41:26,919 --> 00:41:31,010 She's been divorced 20-plus years, and she's wailing how she's a widow now. 809 00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:37,146 Very, very sad occasion. 810 00:41:38,365 --> 00:41:40,498 The supposed fiancee 811 00:41:40,541 --> 00:41:43,065 is there wearing sunglasses indoors. 812 00:41:43,109 --> 00:41:45,285 And everyone's like, "Ooh! 813 00:41:45,328 --> 00:41:47,505 What? Does she have a lazy eye?" 814 00:41:48,897 --> 00:41:52,118 Was she blind? Turns out she doesn't have a lazy eye. 815 00:41:54,033 --> 00:41:56,514 Some people thought she was blind. She wasn't blind. 816 00:41:56,557 --> 00:41:57,863 She wasn't friendly either. 817 00:41:59,473 --> 00:42:04,522 She had made all these collages, picture collages of her and my father 818 00:42:04,565 --> 00:42:06,306 in, like, tropical places. 819 00:42:06,349 --> 00:42:09,831 So he had like, Hawaiian shirts on and she was in a bikini. 820 00:42:09,875 --> 00:42:12,442 It was all tons and tons of pictures of them. 821 00:42:12,486 --> 00:42:14,183 Then, like one picture of me and my sister, 822 00:42:14,227 --> 00:42:17,622 when we were chubby little kids and a picture of my mother 823 00:42:17,665 --> 00:42:19,406 faced down by the bathroom. 824 00:42:19,449 --> 00:42:21,887 I was like... 825 00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:25,717 But, but honestly, my father did a very good job of keeping up 826 00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,241 the, the idea that we were in touch 827 00:42:28,284 --> 00:42:31,113 because everyone seemed to know, like what was going on. 828 00:42:31,157 --> 00:42:33,376 People are asking very normal questions. 829 00:42:33,420 --> 00:42:35,074 Do you have a job? Do you have a man? 830 00:42:35,117 --> 00:42:38,860 And at that time I was bartending and I was, 831 00:42:38,904 --> 00:42:41,907 I was dating a guy who had no bed. 832 00:42:43,909 --> 00:42:46,433 I just found out that he had no bed. 833 00:42:46,476 --> 00:42:50,219 Like I'd gone out with him like five times and went back to his apartment. 834 00:42:50,263 --> 00:42:54,223 Anyone in the other room. And I heard this weird... 835 00:42:54,267 --> 00:42:58,140 and I look in and he's inflating an inflatable mattress. 836 00:42:59,620 --> 00:43:02,623 I'm like, okay, now I know on date one or two, 837 00:43:02,667 --> 00:43:04,582 I need to ask, do you have a mattress? 838 00:43:05,321 --> 00:43:06,627 And... 839 00:43:07,323 --> 00:43:08,803 Is it inflatable? 840 00:43:08,847 --> 00:43:12,894 Because that's like a deal breaker for me, you know. 841 00:43:12,938 --> 00:43:14,548 But I feel like he should have asked, 842 00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:17,290 "Hey, do you like to fool around on square balloons, you know?" 843 00:43:18,204 --> 00:43:19,292 No. 844 00:43:19,988 --> 00:43:21,120 Namaste. 845 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:23,949 Good luck with your journey. 846 00:43:26,212 --> 00:43:29,911 But I won't go like, you know, play by play of everything 847 00:43:29,955 --> 00:43:31,391 that happened at the wake and the funeral. 848 00:43:31,434 --> 00:43:35,090 But I will say a woman who worked at the dog track... 849 00:43:39,660 --> 00:43:44,012 a woman who worked at the dog track won the most visibly distraught award. 850 00:43:46,058 --> 00:43:48,713 And nobody complimented me on my vintage 851 00:43:48,756 --> 00:43:50,715 Diane von Furstenberg tunic. 852 00:43:51,498 --> 00:43:52,934 I know. 853 00:43:53,674 --> 00:43:55,415 Terrible. But I was going back 854 00:43:55,458 --> 00:43:57,243 to New York after that, and I was like, oh, maybe this is it. 855 00:43:57,286 --> 00:44:00,333 Maybe it was like a cathartic symbolic time. 856 00:44:00,376 --> 00:44:02,291 Ding dong, the witch is dead. 857 00:44:02,335 --> 00:44:05,773 You know, I'm going to get back to New York, and all my, all my men issues 858 00:44:05,817 --> 00:44:09,211 are going to be gone and... 859 00:44:09,255 --> 00:44:13,128 I got back to New York and I really didn't date anybody for a little while. 860 00:44:13,172 --> 00:44:16,523 And this is the thing. I feel like I was... 861 00:44:16,566 --> 00:44:19,221 I wasn't a man hater, you know. 862 00:44:19,265 --> 00:44:22,834 I'm definitely not even to this day a man hater. I like men. 863 00:44:22,877 --> 00:44:25,706 If men were pets, I would have one. 864 00:44:25,750 --> 00:44:29,101 You know... 865 00:44:29,144 --> 00:44:31,669 I might even have two or three of them, you know. 866 00:44:34,497 --> 00:44:36,935 I feel like I'm the type of woman who'd move to the country 867 00:44:36,978 --> 00:44:42,114 so my men could have more room to run around, you know. 868 00:44:43,593 --> 00:44:45,160 I'm selfless like that. 869 00:44:47,815 --> 00:44:50,165 I just think, you know, I think guys can be stupid. 870 00:44:50,209 --> 00:44:52,646 You know, I had a guy come up to me after a show 871 00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:55,388 and he was like, "I'm really into thick chicks." 872 00:44:57,129 --> 00:44:59,740 I was like, oh, too bad. I'm not into honest guys. 873 00:45:04,571 --> 00:45:05,659 Thank you. 874 00:45:05,703 --> 00:45:06,878 Thank you. 875 00:45:08,749 --> 00:45:10,620 So anyways, I was back. 876 00:45:10,664 --> 00:45:12,840 I was back from there and I was in New York and I wasn't really dating. 877 00:45:12,884 --> 00:45:16,365 But, like I wasn't really dying to get back into dating, 878 00:45:16,409 --> 00:45:19,368 but I felt like every once in a while I was like, oh, I'm a little horny. 879 00:45:19,412 --> 00:45:23,198 And I remember at one time I was like weird places, too, 880 00:45:23,242 --> 00:45:27,855 like I was on the subway and packed in like sardines, rush hour. 881 00:45:27,899 --> 00:45:30,075 The couple next to me starts making out. 882 00:45:30,118 --> 00:45:32,381 I could have touched them if I wanted to. 883 00:45:32,425 --> 00:45:35,602 Now it's like two, three stops later, they're rubbing each other up and down, 884 00:45:35,645 --> 00:45:37,778 grabbing each other's buttocks, you know. 885 00:45:37,822 --> 00:45:39,214 I tap the girl on the shoulder. 886 00:45:39,258 --> 00:45:42,522 I was like, Hey, hey, hey. I'll take it from here. 887 00:45:47,353 --> 00:45:49,442 I like where you're going with this but... 888 00:45:50,704 --> 00:45:52,053 I see a different ending. 889 00:45:56,231 --> 00:45:58,059 And I started shooting my mouth off 890 00:45:58,103 --> 00:46:00,801 to my friends, I'm like, I just got to get into a relationship. 891 00:46:00,845 --> 00:46:04,762 If I'm not in a relationship by this time, like in the summer, I'm going to go out 892 00:46:04,805 --> 00:46:09,027 drinking alone with a low cut shirt, with the big dildo up between my tits. 893 00:46:10,028 --> 00:46:12,857 And and I'm going to walk around going, 894 00:46:12,900 --> 00:46:14,467 "Hey, this could be you." 895 00:46:22,388 --> 00:46:25,783 But my friends were like, my friends got sick of me complaining, 896 00:46:25,826 --> 00:46:28,002 and they were like, you got to go on the apps, 897 00:46:28,046 --> 00:46:29,743 and I didn't want to go on the apps. 898 00:46:29,787 --> 00:46:31,527 Because I still, you know, 899 00:46:31,571 --> 00:46:34,052 I felt like in my 20s, I could go out and get drunk and hook up. 900 00:46:34,095 --> 00:46:37,142 And I was I was like the front runner of that movement, you know. 901 00:46:40,319 --> 00:46:42,495 But my friend said to me, she said, "Listen, 902 00:46:42,538 --> 00:46:45,367 if you were going door to door, dropping off your resume, 903 00:46:45,411 --> 00:46:48,544 trying to get a job and they said, hey, we don't do it like this anymore, 904 00:46:48,588 --> 00:46:50,285 you got to go online. 905 00:46:50,329 --> 00:46:52,766 Would you continue to walk around dropping off your resume?" 906 00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:54,333 And I understood the analogy. 907 00:46:57,902 --> 00:46:59,860 And then she was like, "How about this? 908 00:46:59,904 --> 00:47:03,472 How about you tell me about the last time you went on a date organically." 909 00:47:03,516 --> 00:47:08,956 And I was like, all right, I went out with this guy. He was cute. He was funny. 910 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:12,612 That's all I knew on my list that he qualified for. 911 00:47:12,655 --> 00:47:17,312 But he asked me out to dinner, which I thought was, you know, good. 912 00:47:17,356 --> 00:47:19,488 So we were going to meet 7 o'clock for a cocktail 913 00:47:19,532 --> 00:47:21,839 and then go out to go out to dinner, so I get dressed. 914 00:47:21,882 --> 00:47:26,060 I wear like a vintage maxi on with flats to make it look more casual. 915 00:47:26,104 --> 00:47:28,758 And I go to the bar, I order my drink and I get a text from him. 916 00:47:28,802 --> 00:47:31,500 And he's like, "Hey, I'm running late with my weed guy." 917 00:47:34,025 --> 00:47:36,984 "Can you meet me at a bar closer to the restaurant?" 918 00:47:37,028 --> 00:47:39,247 And I'm like, all right, cool, you have a weed guy, 919 00:47:39,291 --> 00:47:42,120 but not so cool he's taken precedent over me. 920 00:47:42,163 --> 00:47:43,861 But I was dressed and I was hungry. 921 00:47:43,904 --> 00:47:46,733 So I said, I'll meet you there. 922 00:47:46,776 --> 00:47:49,823 I go to the next bar and I'm walking through the door and I get another text. 923 00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:51,172 He's like, "Hey, just meet me at the restaurant." 924 00:47:51,216 --> 00:47:54,175 I'm like, what is this, a fucking scavenger hunt? 925 00:47:54,219 --> 00:47:58,179 I'm like, am I supposed to like, carry his picture around like, 926 00:47:58,223 --> 00:48:01,269 hey, this guy said he was going to feed me. Have you seen him? 927 00:48:04,490 --> 00:48:06,405 Yeah, and I did. 928 00:48:06,448 --> 00:48:11,714 I went on the apps, and I got to say first 24 hours, I had like 47 guys, 929 00:48:11,758 --> 00:48:15,501 saying they like me. I'm like, how am I gonna deal with this? 930 00:48:15,544 --> 00:48:18,417 I was like, all right, well, I guess I could figure out, 931 00:48:18,460 --> 00:48:19,722 I'm trying to figure out 932 00:48:19,766 --> 00:48:22,725 how I'm going to narrow it down as to who I like, 933 00:48:22,769 --> 00:48:25,903 and then, like two days later, I realize nobody's asked me out. 934 00:48:25,946 --> 00:48:28,035 Nobody's messaged me, they're just playing this 935 00:48:28,079 --> 00:48:32,344 like a video game, and I deleted it. 936 00:48:32,387 --> 00:48:34,215 I'm going to come home drunk some night 937 00:48:34,259 --> 00:48:36,391 and then just copy and paste 47 times, 938 00:48:36,435 --> 00:48:39,438 like you fucking pussy, you fucking pussy, you fucking pussy. 939 00:48:49,187 --> 00:48:51,058 You guys, you guys are good. 940 00:48:53,104 --> 00:48:55,106 I was like, I should have, 941 00:48:55,149 --> 00:48:57,935 I should have saved it because they were all in my neighborhood, you know. 942 00:48:58,761 --> 00:49:00,198 I could have found them. 943 00:49:00,241 --> 00:49:03,636 I could have been like, Hey, you, Mario! 944 00:49:03,679 --> 00:49:07,161 Yeah, you said I was cute but you don't want to buy me a drink? 945 00:49:07,205 --> 00:49:08,467 Kick him in the balls. 946 00:49:10,077 --> 00:49:16,127 Be like the first, be the first serial ball kicker of Brooklyn like... 947 00:49:17,302 --> 00:49:21,741 App scorned woman kicks 47 men in the balls. 948 00:49:25,266 --> 00:49:26,398 Thank you. 949 00:49:26,441 --> 00:49:27,442 Thank you. 950 00:49:29,096 --> 00:49:30,271 So, yeah, I quit the apps. 951 00:49:30,315 --> 00:49:32,186 They started coming with other apps. 952 00:49:32,230 --> 00:49:34,928 Ones that were very specific, like the woman needs to contact the man. 953 00:49:34,972 --> 00:49:38,236 Or, you know, if you like to rock climb, but you don't have a big toe 954 00:49:38,279 --> 00:49:41,979 or whatever the hell. Yeah, very, very specific things. 955 00:49:44,633 --> 00:49:45,634 And... 956 00:49:48,333 --> 00:49:53,294 And I went back on and I did, uh... 957 00:49:54,382 --> 00:49:57,081 I believe it was Happn, H-A-P-P-N. 958 00:49:57,124 --> 00:49:59,344 And it was at the time I was working 959 00:49:59,387 --> 00:50:01,999 an office job and bartending, so I picked 960 00:50:02,042 --> 00:50:05,915 people, it would tell you who was in your vicinity of one of those places. 961 00:50:05,959 --> 00:50:07,482 So I said, office job. 962 00:50:07,526 --> 00:50:09,789 I want to get someone who has some money. 963 00:50:09,832 --> 00:50:15,099 And so this guy you know, likes me, 964 00:50:15,142 --> 00:50:18,058 and then he asks me out right off the bat, 965 00:50:18,102 --> 00:50:21,714 like impressive and uh, and I go and he's there. 966 00:50:28,286 --> 00:50:31,071 I didn't, I didn't, I didn't have to find him. 967 00:50:32,420 --> 00:50:34,814 And he was cute and funny and nice. 968 00:50:34,857 --> 00:50:39,123 And he had a bed and check, check, check, check, check. 969 00:50:39,166 --> 00:50:44,215 And, and, like, almost like, just a year later, 970 00:50:44,258 --> 00:50:45,955 we moved in together. 971 00:50:45,999 --> 00:50:47,348 Thank you. 972 00:50:47,392 --> 00:50:50,699 I know. Thank you. Thank you. 973 00:50:50,743 --> 00:50:53,528 But I got to say like, you know, I didn't realize 974 00:50:53,572 --> 00:50:56,227 how independent I was till I moved in with him 975 00:50:56,270 --> 00:50:59,099 because before he was there, 10:30 on a Tuesday night, 976 00:50:59,143 --> 00:51:02,494 I'd be watching Lifetime, you know, some, you know, 977 00:51:02,537 --> 00:51:05,540 some woman trying to seek revenge on her 978 00:51:05,584 --> 00:51:09,718 ex-husband who had a kid with her sister or whatever and... 979 00:51:09,762 --> 00:51:13,331 and I'd be like 10:30 at night, and I'd say, 980 00:51:13,374 --> 00:51:15,507 I think I'm going to have a Manhattan, you know, 981 00:51:15,550 --> 00:51:18,423 and I'd get up, get dressed and go and have a Manhattan. 982 00:51:18,466 --> 00:51:20,642 And now it's like, he's there. 983 00:51:20,686 --> 00:51:23,167 If I get up, on a Tuesday night at 10:30. 984 00:51:23,210 --> 00:51:24,733 I'm getting dressed. He's like, "Where you going?" 985 00:51:24,777 --> 00:51:27,475 I'm like, can't a woman go get a Manhattan around here? 986 00:51:27,519 --> 00:51:28,781 You know like... 987 00:51:30,609 --> 00:51:32,089 It's just... 988 00:51:35,222 --> 00:51:38,182 That's a strange attitude to have. 989 00:51:40,097 --> 00:51:44,405 So I was like, you know, I wanted to maintain my independence, 990 00:51:44,449 --> 00:51:46,015 but I want to be in this relationship, 991 00:51:46,059 --> 00:51:48,888 and I was having a tough time figuring it out. 992 00:51:48,931 --> 00:51:51,412 So I didn't want to fuck it up. 993 00:51:51,456 --> 00:51:54,459 So I went back to therapy and I picked a new lady and she was good. 994 00:51:54,502 --> 00:52:01,161 She was quick and I said, you know, I just moved in with this guy, 995 00:52:01,205 --> 00:52:05,818 first time ever living with a man, and I don't know, I want to be independent, 996 00:52:05,861 --> 00:52:08,429 but I want to be in this relationship, and I'm trying to figure it out. 997 00:52:08,473 --> 00:52:10,953 And she was like, "Did you talk to him about it?" 998 00:52:10,997 --> 00:52:13,434 And I said, no. 999 00:52:13,478 --> 00:52:16,133 I thought we could just figure it out behind his back. 1000 00:52:18,222 --> 00:52:19,745 Is that not what you do here? 1001 00:52:24,184 --> 00:52:27,927 She was like, no, you gotta, you gotta talk to him. 1002 00:52:28,493 --> 00:52:30,408 So, yeah. 1003 00:52:30,451 --> 00:52:34,412 Three years ago, I initiated my first vulnerable conversation with a man. 1004 00:52:34,455 --> 00:52:37,023 Thank you. I know. I know. I know. 1005 00:52:37,066 --> 00:52:39,199 I know. 1006 00:52:39,243 --> 00:52:42,202 It turns out, you know, you can ask for stuff. 1007 00:52:42,246 --> 00:52:44,509 They can say no and the relationship continues. 1008 00:52:47,251 --> 00:52:48,643 But I'm very lucky. 1009 00:52:48,687 --> 00:52:51,298 I got a good guy. He's big and he follows me 1010 00:52:51,342 --> 00:52:53,300 on this journey of self-development. 1011 00:52:53,344 --> 00:52:55,824 I have him doing affirmations now. 1012 00:52:55,868 --> 00:52:57,217 His are different than mine. 1013 00:52:57,261 --> 00:52:59,306 His are I love and adore Kendra. 1014 00:53:07,706 --> 00:53:11,057 But I, but it takes a long time for those things to sink in, you know, 1015 00:53:11,100 --> 00:53:14,843 and this is the thing I feel like even though you can be as happy 1016 00:53:14,887 --> 00:53:16,889 as you want in a relationship, it always takes work. 1017 00:53:16,932 --> 00:53:18,369 Sometimes I think we should be, 1018 00:53:18,412 --> 00:53:20,762 it'd be easier if we just had animal mating rituals. 1019 00:53:20,806 --> 00:53:22,677 You know what I mean? Like when a cat's in heat, 1020 00:53:22,721 --> 00:53:24,244 it simply lays its head on the ground 1021 00:53:24,288 --> 00:53:27,508 and sticks its butt in the air and wails uncontrollably. 1022 00:53:27,552 --> 00:53:31,860 And cats from miles around come to service that cat. 1023 00:53:31,904 --> 00:53:34,211 I just think that'd be great, like on a Friday night, 1024 00:53:34,254 --> 00:53:35,908 you don't really feel like going out. 1025 00:53:38,389 --> 00:53:41,653 Around 11 o'clock, you start feeling a little frisky. 1026 00:53:43,176 --> 00:53:45,222 Unlock the door, drop the draws. 1027 00:53:47,789 --> 00:53:54,274 But not all, not all animals do it like, I saw baboons, you know, 1028 00:53:54,318 --> 00:53:57,843 when a female baboon is ready to mate, 1029 00:53:57,886 --> 00:53:59,584 her ass gets red and swollen. 1030 00:54:00,802 --> 00:54:03,457 I was like, I think I have a little baboon in me. 1031 00:54:10,812 --> 00:54:13,250 But the clincher is when the male baboon 1032 00:54:13,293 --> 00:54:15,121 is ready to mate, he grooms the female. 1033 00:54:15,164 --> 00:54:17,689 I'm like, "That's nice. She's horny, her ass is swollen 1034 00:54:17,732 --> 00:54:20,257 and he's like, let's get a mani-pedi first?" 1035 00:54:23,129 --> 00:54:24,609 I don't want to fuck a skank. 1036 00:54:32,138 --> 00:54:35,576 But I did. I, like, I said, 20 years ago, I'd never been on stage. 1037 00:54:35,620 --> 00:54:38,971 I only had five vintage shirts, and now I have 51 maxi dresses. 1038 00:54:39,014 --> 00:54:42,061 Thank you. That's not, yeah, That's not counting the tunics. 1039 00:54:42,104 --> 00:54:43,802 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 1040 00:54:44,803 --> 00:54:47,371 I started doing my, my new affirmations. 1041 00:54:47,414 --> 00:54:50,461 So 20 years from now, I could be a rich bitch. 1042 00:54:50,504 --> 00:54:55,814 I want to be, you know, read some tarot cards by the beach smoking butts. 1043 00:54:55,857 --> 00:54:58,512 I even, I would even be a shaman, you know. 1044 00:54:58,556 --> 00:55:01,123 You know what a shaman is? Spiritual adviser. 1045 00:55:01,167 --> 00:55:02,951 People pay them to give them advice. 1046 00:55:02,995 --> 00:55:07,869 Yeah, it turns out, like a good shaman makes like, a $160,000 a year. 1047 00:55:07,913 --> 00:55:11,830 I know. I'm like I could be a shitty shaman and still make a good living. 1048 00:55:12,831 --> 00:55:14,223 You know? 1049 00:55:14,267 --> 00:55:15,964 I give like, mediocre advice. 1050 00:55:17,052 --> 00:55:18,532 Still get my roots done. 1051 00:55:23,407 --> 00:55:26,540 But listen, guys, if you don't do affirmations, I left affirmations 1052 00:55:26,584 --> 00:55:28,368 on all the tables for everybody. 1053 00:55:28,412 --> 00:55:29,761 Start doing them now. 1054 00:55:29,804 --> 00:55:31,589 Twenty years from now, you could be on stage. 1055 00:55:31,632 --> 00:55:34,461 Thank you! 1056 00:55:34,505 --> 00:55:36,637 Let's go... 1057 00:55:36,681 --> 00:55:38,987 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 1058 00:55:39,031 --> 00:55:43,818 Ladies and gentlemen, Kendra Cunningham. 1059 00:55:43,862 --> 00:55:46,821 But I noticed guys checking out my beer belly, you know, 1060 00:55:46,865 --> 00:55:49,520 and I'd be like, hey, my tits are up here. 1061 00:55:56,048 --> 00:55:57,615 Let's focus on the positive. 1062 00:55:59,225 --> 00:56:00,705 If you don't mind. 1063 00:56:02,054 --> 00:56:03,577 I, um... 1064 00:56:03,621 --> 00:56:05,100 I'm sweating my ass off. 1065 00:56:06,450 --> 00:56:08,234 I feel like this is a perfect example 1066 00:56:08,277 --> 00:56:11,368 of realizing like, that water weight is really just weight, you know. 1067 00:56:15,372 --> 00:56:18,679 I can't sweat off the cellulite, unfortunately. 1068 00:56:19,767 --> 00:56:21,856 I did. I'll tell you guys, an old joke. 1069 00:56:21,900 --> 00:56:24,424 I joined a running group. 1070 00:56:24,468 --> 00:56:28,167 It turns out it turns out I'm a very ugly runner. 1071 00:56:28,210 --> 00:56:30,212 You know, I get like beet red. 1072 00:56:30,256 --> 00:56:32,563 I'm... people are actually stopping me on the street like, "Are you okay?" 1073 00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:35,087 "Do you need help?" 1074 00:56:35,130 --> 00:56:39,352 Looks like there's something very wrong happening here. 1075 00:56:39,396 --> 00:56:42,703 But it's true. I feel like when I run, I cause other people to run. 1076 00:56:44,923 --> 00:56:47,229 Like they see me coming and they just throw their shit 1077 00:56:47,273 --> 00:56:50,668 in the air, they're like, I don't know what the fuck is going on. 1078 00:56:51,712 --> 00:56:54,585 But this chick looks terrified. 1079 00:57:00,112 --> 00:57:01,635 The guy who ran my group. 1080 00:57:01,679 --> 00:57:03,245 He always said, you know, everything you put in your body 1081 00:57:03,289 --> 00:57:07,032 should be fuel, and he knew that I didn't feel the same way. 1082 00:57:07,075 --> 00:57:08,816 So he's always trying to get me to stick with it. 1083 00:57:08,860 --> 00:57:10,209 You know, he'd be like, you know, Kendra, 1084 00:57:10,252 --> 00:57:13,865 Olympic runners eat four to 5000 calories a day, 1085 00:57:13,908 --> 00:57:15,780 and I'm like, well, I got that down.