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[indistinct chatter]
[soft music]
♪
- Hi, Dad.
- Aww, I love you, too, Daddy.
- Sorry, who am I speaking with?
- You're speaking with Eli's daughter Ondi.
- Ondi, yes, hi. What is his baseline?
- Well, he was brought to the hospital
because he was having a hard time breathing,
but he's been struggling for a long time.
You know, he's been paralyzed for 40 years
from an accidental stroke.
- I know. I read that, such a shame.
- Yet, he never complains.
And he thinks about everybody else.
He even struggles to walk by himself
because he doesn't wanna be a burden,
but he keeps falling.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's a miracle he hasn't broken anything yet.
We feel like it's just not safe
for him to be home anymore.
- Definitely, yes.
- It breaks my heart because he really wants to come home.
- He really does.
- No.
- Because you've been in bed for five days or something,
you need care.
You need people to help you move
and all that kind of stuff.
- You know, I have a plan. You want to hear my plan?
- I'm gonna ask the doctor when they're releasing you,
and then I'm gonna run to the hospital
and grab you for a kiss and a hug
and find out exactly where you're going,
and then I'm gonna work on-- hopefully,
there'll be a different COVID protocol where you're going,
and then we'll be able to visit.
That's my plan.
- Okay, good.
♪
- Did you try to call me, Daddy?
Are you okay?
- You're waiting to die?
- I thought you were waiting to see me today.
- I didn't know you wanted to die.
That's--
- Being inside your body is what's torturing you now.
- It's gotta get recycled.
- But your mind will travel on, and so every time--
- Every time you're feeling--
- I'm doing it, Daddy.
- For it to be legal, Dad, you have to tell
a nurse or a doctor who's working in hospice.
- No, no, no, when you're in hospice,
once you start, which will be tomorrow.
- Eli, listen.
You don't make the rules.
- Yes. - You don't make the rules.
- Daddy, you're really lucky to live in California.
- Yep.
- If you were in New York, with Rachel,
you wouldn't have this option right now.
- That's right.
- And, Daddy, we have to do it legally,
or we all go to jail.
You don't want that.
- Exactly.
- Aww. - We understand, darling.
And we're-- - Daddy, what is the reason?
Are you in a lot of pain right now?
[dog barking]
[laughter]
[phone line trilling]
- Oh, my God.
[phone line trilling]
- Hi, Daddy.
- Yeah, you're getting out today.
- End it? End your life?
- What, you think you're gonna come home,
make a poop with Cooper, and end your life?
- You know how it goes, Daddy, right?
You're gonna see the hospice nurse today,
and then you have to tell the doctor,
and then the clock starts.
- But you'll be in a much better place
'cause you'll be home.
- Yeah. - Don't you think?
It'll be less torture to be alive when you're home.
- Yeah.
♪
There we go. We got you.
We got you, Daddy.
Nobody's gonna let it happen to you, okay?
Nobody's gonna let anything happen bad to you.
Okay, nice and clean.
Let's move him in a little bit more.
You gotta pull.
Yeah, I got him.
One, two, three.
There we go.
♪
- [indistinct]
- [grunts] Ah.
♪
- Do you feel, for any reason, that you being here
is a burden to your family or...
- You know you're a burden.
So how do we feel about that?
- Well, the kids and I tell him he's not a burden.
But in my heart, it's been a very, very, very rough year.
That's why I've got a belt on.
I mean, I'm a broken woman.
♪
- He really doesn't want to go to a home.
And he knew that the situation at home couldn't continue,
because he was, like, a fall risk,
and he was gonna break Mom in half,
like he already has broken her a lot.
- He fell so many times.
And I was always calling the children to please come
and get Daddy off the floor.
- Every couple of weeks, I get a call,
maybe 11:00 at night, just gotten into bed.
I'm, like, going to sleep.
The phone rings, and it's like,
"Dad's on the floor. Come over."
- It was just awful.
And it was COVID, so Ondi insisted
that we were gonna Zoom for my birthday.
I thought it was a family Zoom,
but I didn't want to Zoom.
- I wanted to die.
- ♪ Happy birthday to you
- I didn't know she had set up dozens of friends
all over the country.
- I started to say to Eli, "I wish I was dead."
- Aww.
- And then I saw all of you.
Thank you so much.
- Yeah. - Wow.
- Yeah.
Okay, he has to be able to take the medication himself.
You can prepare it.
You can put it in front of him.
But you can't participate in him ingesting it.
- Okay.
At any time, he can change his mind.
Just because he goes through the approval process,
he can change his mind.
He could say, "You know something?
Now I know I can do it. I'm fine."
Sometimes it's knowing you have some sort of sense
of control back when you have no control.
Anyway, so Dr. Bracht is gonna come.
He's gonna assess him.
And then what happens is the time starts,
and there's a 15-day waiting period.
This whole End of Life Option Act
is still in its early stages.
And so, you know, it's really something
that opened all of our eyes about--
we don't call it assisted suicide.
We call it, you know, supporting the right
to terminate your life, right to die.
So we believe in that.
♪
And what's interesting is what people have done
in exercising that option has been spectacular.
It's been truly amazing.
- We don't get a choice on how we come into this world,
but we should have a choice on how we go out.
- Right.
- It just says, "An aid-in-dying drug
to end my life in a humane and dignified manner."
- "I, Eli Timoner, am an adult of sound mind
and a resident of the State of California."
Okay, baby.
You're gonna initial, put your "ET."
- Over here, where my finger is.
That top line. "ET."
Okay. Phone home.
- On the 15th day,
Dr. Bracht will come in and do another visit.
But in between there, another doctor will come in
and either agree or disagree with Dr. Bracht
to see if it's okay to take the medication.
- There's three doctors that work with this company,
Faith & Hope, and I'm the one that...
- Does this. - Is writing the script.
- It was something that-- yeah, in my heart,
I'm okay with it.
- Well, it's interesting.
Your dad has the impression that his condition is COPD.
And in all the notes that I got from the other doctors,
it's CHF, or congestive heart failure,
with COPD as well.
Your dad made the first request.
He said, well, quality of his life is "shitty."
There has to be a second request after 14 days.
- Yeah.
both: It's Rachel.
- Hi, hi, Dad.
You're looking good.
- He's right here in the main room.
Look. - I know, well done.
Well done. I see that.
- Yeah, now he's in the swing of things,
right in the middle of everything.
- Yeah. - Eating again, and visiting.
And he even had a sip of wine last night.
- Oh, nice!
All right, it was a big day on MSNBC today.
- You want to tell Rachel how you think Trump should go out?
- How should Trump go out, Dad?
- Oh, God, okay, I don't really want to hear this.
- Oh, no, okay. You know what, that's okay.
I don't need to know. It's okay.
I understand that you would like him
to die a terrible death.
We're done. We're good.
- Well, that-- I support that.
There are less violent ways to achieve that,
like just banning him from Twitter forever.
But okay.
Thanks for sharing that with me.
- I'm so glad.
That was long-awaited.
I'm glad that that finally happened.
And what did you decide?
- And what I love about that is that it's your decision,
and that we can all support your decision.
- Oh, no wonder, Dad.
- So, Dad, you think March 3rd is the time?
- Why don't we plan, like, a nighttime--like,
a nighttime schedule?
And if you can't do it sometimes, that's okay.
But-- - What's good for you?
- Like, if we could do 9:30, that would be ideal for me.
- Right, great.
- Dad, does that sound okay to you?
- Oh, it's while Rachel Maddow is on.
- Oops.
I can't interrupt Rachel Maddow.
Gotta have your priorities.
I mean, I--the idea of taking Rachel Maddow away
from you in your last couple weeks of life,
that would be so wrong.
- [laughing]
- I feel like I feel like I share write her right--like,
I should write her now saying--
- "My father has said he can't talk to me nightly at 6:30."
- Yes, as he's dying, as he's dying.
Dad, would that make you happy?
[bird calling]
- Why are you doing that?
- You can't be peaceful-- just lie there and be peaceful?
- Seeing people like you and visiting with friends
and family is his great joy.
And maybe once in a while, a little food, right, Daddy?
Some chocolate ice cream?
- I love you.
And I wish you a happy journey.
And maybe I'll see you--
- I'll see you in heaven.
- You'll be waiting.
- Goodbye, honey, bye-bye.
- We're logging off. - I'll see you again.
[bell tolling]
- Hi, Daddy-O. How are you doing?
You seem a lot better today than yesterday.
- Can I pull the chair up?
This one--oh, this one?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- I'll hand it to you, but don't take any more, Dad.
♪
- You take too many Xanax yesterday?
Is that why you were out of it?
- There she is.
♪
- Hey, Dad.
Aww.
Yeah.
I think Mom's going through a lot
because obviously, her husband's dying,
and they've been married like 50-plus years,
so this is huge.
But also, I don't know if it's guilt,
but there's--it's mixed.
She wanted him to go to a home
because she couldn't take care of him
because it was breaking her down.
So I think she's quite torn,
and I think she is in some sort of denial.
Yeah, you like it?
- He's liking it.
When did you guys move from Brooklyn to Woodmere?
How old were you? Do you remember?
- Oh, okay, so you don't really remember Brooklyn too well.
[laughter]
- What? I didn't shit my pants.
- Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- We were doing little arts and crafts in preschool,
and I stuck one up my nose.
[laughter]
And then it didn't come out, and I thought, well,
I'm not gonna tell anybody.
[laughter]
- I can't believe this whole thing,
this whole 15 days-- that this is happening.
I mean, it's just-- there's an unreality to it all.
Yeah?
- And was just going one foot in front of the other.
- You don't even know what to expect, how to feel.
- There's no rehearsing it.
♪
- You're gonna sleep well, Daddy?
- What are you gonna dream about?
- Really?
- I love you, Daddy.
- Hm.
- I do love Morgan.
- She does love me.
She knows I'm crazy wacky doodle.
- You hear that, babe?
- Did you hear that?
Morgan would love it if you did that.
We'd love it if you did that.
- She'd love it. She said so.
- Aww, Daddy.
- Yeah, he's got plans.
He's always got plans, huh?
- He's always got a plan.
Even when you were in the hospital last week,
you had plans to make reparations for slavery
and all of the abuse and murder we've perpetrated
on Native Americans.
Right, Daddy?
- You do have that plan, right?
- You want me to record you explaining it
so that we can show it to them?
- All right, let's do that tomorrow,
and you get some rest now, okay?
- Eli was a philanthropist.
He was named a pillar of society by United Way
because he gave to everybody.
He was on the board
of the Fine Arts Museum in Miami.
And Daddy went to work at the federation,
became vice president,
and he would raise millions of dollars.
He was very good at raising money
because he was giving money.
It's no wonder Eli feels he could get his plan
to Joe Biden because he knows Joe Biden from the '70s.
- ♪ Why not just try a little kindness? ♪
♪ Try a little kindness
- Eli started an airline,
and it became the fastest growing airline in the world.
- "Fly a little kindness" became the theme of 1979.
How in the hell did you come up with all these things, Eli?
- Founder and president of Air Florida, Eli Timoner,
now confidently boasts...
- Timoner's also beaming like a proud father
over Air Florida's profits.
- He said, "Bernie, I want to start an airline."
The doctor said, "Steve, you get up and let Eli lay down."
[laughter]
- In 1972, Air Florida was not a household word.
Its fleet consisted
of a whopping two electro prop jets,
which zigzagged between Miami, Orlando, and Tampa.
But now, the airline is competing with the big boys.
- Eli believed everyone in America
should be able to afford to fly and travel.
So he testified many times before Congress,
pushing deregulation,
to be able to lower the air fares.
And deregulation passed.
And he immediately offered a flight
to New York for $49 and London for $175,
when everybody else was charging 800.
And he had the first-class passengers picked up
by Rolls-Royces with boxes of Godiva chocolates
waiting for them in the car.
There wasn't an empty seat,
and they became the fastest growing airline in the world.
They just kept buying more planes and flying more people.
It was 3,000 strong at the highest.
When it became very big and he didn't know everybody's name,
it was a little frustrating for him.
But he certainly did know all the Miami people.
- Even though he ran an airline,
he let me sleep in the morning.
And he would drive the carpool,
get the kids to school.
The mothers who were part of the carpool
couldn't believe it.
Here's Eli Timoner,
who's on television a good part of the time,
driving the carpool.
- Mr. Timoner, you're a small, no-frills airline also.
Are you concerned that the big boys
are gonna drive you out of business?
- No?
- Why not?
- And then one day, he had a massive stroke
from an accident, and he became paralyzed.
- He had his neck cracked by a masseur.
No high blood pressure. No heart history in his family.
No reason to have a stroke except his neck was cracked.
He ran that morning,
and he also ran an Air Florida meeting
with all the employees in the theater,
telling them, "My door is always open."
And then we went for his massage,
and life changed forever.
- I didn't know how to process it as an eight-year-old.
I didn't tell anyone at school.
It was in the paper.
He was a well-known man in Miami.
People would say, "How's your dad?"
I'd say, "Oh, he's fine. He's fine."
I don't know if it was ashamed or just terrified,
but I didn't want to go to that place
where I'd have to talk to my friend
about what happened to my dad 'cause I was so scared.
So maybe that's why I'm an emotional zombie.
I don't cry.
You know, I tear up maybe in a Pixar movie, like,
like, know, once, but that's it, you know.
- I used to go to help him
with physical therapy in the hospital.
Here he was, terrified, shaking,
being yelled at to move his left arm,
which was paralyzed, and he couldn't.
I had never felt so small and so afraid.
Something changed in me.
And I looked at my dad, and he saw my eyes,
and I said, "Dad, it's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay.
You could just reach out your arm and hold my hand."
He, seemingly without effort, moved his left arm
in an arc over his head and held my hand.
♪
And he's never been able to do that since then.
When I ended up realizing that I wanted to be a rabbi,
a lot of it was recalling this experience
and realizing that I had had this feeling
of spiritual connection since then.
[upbeat music playing]
♪
My whole path, my whole path, has been because of him.
My dad, he was running a roofing business,
and he had two unions.
There was a white workers union
and a Black workers union.
And my dad, as a businessman, just was like,
"That makes no sense."
This was in the 1960s in Florida,
so it was the segregated South.
He would never have talked about it as justice.
He wasn't, like, an activist.
He did that because he just--it was decent.
It's what you do.
[upbeat music]
I think part of what makes me dedicate myself so much
to what's wrong in the world is
that Dad lived the second half
of his life beset by shame, and a sense of failure,
and a sense of unworthiness because of the discrimination
he faced as a disabled person.
And I absorbed that.
He was the chairman of the board
and the CEO of the airline he founded,
and the board of directors that he had handpicked
told him that they needed him to resign
because it was bad for the company for the CEO
to be in a wheelchair.
And that would be illegal now.
[soft music]
- He provided pretty well
until you were all out of the nest,
and we came up short of money
for David's graduation from Yale.
- I graduated from college,
and I didn't have a diploma in my little blue, like,
leather-bound diploma book.
- They gave him an empty envelope
because we had to pay the final bills.
And things were getting pretty tight.
- That wasn't as traumatizing
as when we thought my car was stolen.
Dad, being this guy who wanted to always provide,
was like, "I'll lease your car in my name.
You know, I'll pay your lease payments."
So he was getting these lease payment bills,
and he wasn't paying them.
He couldn't pay them
'cause he was falling behind financially,
but he wasn't telling me.
And so one day, my car was gone,
and I thought someone stole it.
And then it turned out it was repo-ed.
- When we had to declare bankruptcy,
that's when I went on Prozac.
- It's like, he wants to be on top of it,
but he doesn't have the means to be on top of it.
- Daddy kept insisting I buy lotto tickets,
which I never expected to win.
I've never won anything.
But because he felt some hope in that,
I did it for him.
- He fell from the heights.
He was meeting with prime ministers,
and princes, and presidents.
And then he lost all his wealth.
He lost all his income.
He lost all his status.
He just never complained, kept going, kept loving us.
[phone dialing]
[phone line trilling]
- Welcome to Bank of America.
Let's try again.
Please say "repeat that" or press 1,
"hear more" or press 2.
Here are your recent transactions,
looking as far as back as November 12th.
On February 18th, a debit card purchase
for $36.35 from Rite Aid.
On February 5th, a keep the change transfer
from this account for-- you can say "repeat."
- Well, what are we talking about, in terms of time?
How long will it take?
- I would say, give it about three hours,
but remember he could go really fast,
so I just don't know.
- Bracht. - Holger Bracht.
- He always remembers doctors' names.
- And March 3rd is Holger Bracht's birthday.
- He wants that day. Remember, Daddy?
You're dying on the doctor's birthday?
- I wouldn't want to see it delayed.
It's no life for him.
- That said, we're not sorry about the 15 days, right?
I mean, it's giving us a chance to be conscious and thoughtful
about his departure, and for him to say goodbye
to lots of people that mean a lot to him.
- Yeah.
- So many people that he impacted through his life.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Actually, Daddy, let's make that list
of who you want to say goodbye to,
so I can schedule it.
- I mean, to know this is coming is a luxury.
- Yeah.
- And to have him sharp. - Yeah.
- You must have several Alzheimer's patients.
- Yeah. - That's heartbreaking.
- They don't get this choice.
They can't have any cognitive issues at all.
Otherwise, they don't qualify.
- I think it's really courageous work you're doing...
- Thank you.
- Being a hospice nurse and doing end of life.
- I was telling your mom, not all doctors will do it.
Not all pharmacies will participate in the medication.
And not all nurses would do it.
So, I find it very genuine, what I get to do,
and very honoring, what I get to do.
Is it hard? Yes.
Does it get any easier? No.
And the moment it does get easier
is the moment I need to change careers
'cause I don't ever want to lose that humanity in me.
- Yeah.
[soft music]
- Yes, we do see you.
- Yes.
- That's right.
That wasn't a good flight for Karen
because she forgot to latch one cabinet.
And if you'll remember, when we landed,
all of the galley equipment came out of that cabinet
and crashed onto the floor.
It sounded like an avalanche in the back.
- There's my hero.
- How are you doing, my darling?
- I'm telling you, before you called,
I was outside on the patio,
having a glass of wine and a cigarette.
I know, but all I could think is,
this is like being called to Eli's office back in the day.
I'm nervous.
[laughs]
I have to tell you the truth.
When he would call me in there,
it was usually because I needed to do something.
It was, "Now, we're gonna get DC-9s.
Can you train them?"
"Now, we're gonna get a DC-10. Can you train that?"
And it didn't matter how concerned I was,
he was like, "Oh, you can do it.
I know you can do it."
And we did it, didn't we?
- Well, that's because of you.
When I got to be an executive, all I wanted to do
was be as good as your dad, to be honest.
It was, can I please lead that way?
- Even the way he's doing this.
- Yep, it's the bravest thing I've known.
- Eli, say goodbye and tell her you love her and all the rest.
[laughter]
- I love you, my darling hero.
You are my hero.
♪
- Okay, and then you know, one day, one day,
I will join you,
and we're going to drink milk and honey,
and drink Red Stripe beer,
and listen to Jamaica reggae music.
- Okay.
♪
- Hello.
I wanted to ask you a couple things.
- Are you scared of going?
- No?
Remember when you were in hospital before.
You weren't ready to go then, were you?
- No.
So what's made the difference now?
- Confidence.
- I said I wouldn't cry.
- It's okay to be a crier.
- Yeah, I just have such an issue with people dying.
- Thank you.
- I'll miss you too.
But, I mean, I kind of think that I'm of the belief that,
you know, people who die are never really gone.
What would be quite nice is if you--Ondi, you--
and your dad discuss something which you could
identify him as, you know?
- Yeah.
- You're not gonna come back as a horse's ass.
What I'm saying is-- but some way that you can
let us know that you're there
and you're communicating, you know?
- Oh, yes, I know. We do believe in you.
But we want to know, you know. We want to know.
- I think she wants a sign. - We want a sign, you know?
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah, I think you will.
- I'll miss you too.
- Yeah, I will.
♪
- Another sip of clam chowder, Daddy, or Ensure?
- Sweetheart, it's time to talk to Patti O'Kane in England.
Are you up for that, baby?
- Okay, great.
- Hi.
- There's Patti.
- Hello.
- What a pretty girl.
You joined us as Eli embarked on this 40-year journey
where he couldn't use his left side.
- Is that 40 years? - It's 40 years, 1982.
- Oh, my goodness. - Yeah.
You were just 18, right?
- Yeah.
My own dad was-- well, he was an alcoholic,
so he wasn't a good dad.
And Eli was the first person that I saw.
Such a wonderful father.
- I think Patti's crying.
- Just the kind of father you would want for people.
Just always so kind,
not just to me but to everybody.
- I love you too.
Have a good rest.
- How you doing?
- That's good.
Your hand is so bruised.
- That's from the IV.
- Yeah.
♪
- Know this turkey is
the same size and...
- Same weight. - Same weight as me.
♪
- Love you, Eli.
- Yeah, David and I have been tweeting lately
because we're both big crypto junkies.
- That's right.
- Seems like it.
- I find all your stories so interesting, Dad.
But it sounds like most of the Timoners
were pretty accomplished.
Was it--or not really?
- No? Just your dad?
- None of the--most of the Timoners did nothing?
- All the way in.
- I guess.
99, I've never even seen that.
- I have 100!
- How are you, sir?
- This is from Langer's.
- Mm-hmm.
- Aww.
- Hi, beautiful.
- Hi.
♪
- I love you too, very much.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm?
This light.
- I'll tell you, when I go out there in the morning
and he's lying--has been alone all night in the living room,
and I'll see that his glass of water has been knocked
off the table 'cause he reached
for it and knocked it over.
And I give him a sip of water, and he's glad
to see me in the morning, and the day begins.
But it's really sad.
- Oh, sure.
I'm on my way over there right now, actually.
You want to email it?
- Well, I mean, good.
Today's the second doctor visit,
and it's the doctor who's not a believer in end of life,
so I don't know how that's gonna go.
But I just can't believe there's only a week left.
- I know.
It feels really strange to think
that all the information in his mind
is just gonna, zap, be gone, you know?
- Yep.
- So tell me when you're coming, and I'll film it.
I'd love to.
- Okay, thanks.
- Okay, that sounds good, Dave. Love you.
- Hey, Daddy, we have to meet with this other doctor now.
He's gonna give a second opinion
on whether you're of sound mind and qualify
for end of life option, okay?
- I understand that you're, you know,
going through the end of life option.
- Eli, I'm just gonna ask you a couple questions.
Right now, do you know what day today is?
♪
- Okay. And did you have any lunch?
Are you able to get up and move around?
- He can't get out of bed.
- He is forgetful, but his long-term memory is fabulous.
And he still is able to make his needs known.
- Yeah, he's determined.
- Okay, all right, well, we'll talk to Dr. Bracht,
and he's gonna make his visit
in another four or five more days,
and we can go from there, okay?
[laughter]
- Do you think that doctor can prevent Eli
from getting the medicine?
♪
- Daddy, are you ready for the obituary?
Draft one.
We can make any changes
that you feel you need to make, okay?
- Great.
"Eli grew Laura Lee Candies into a thriving business.
"He opened the factory every morning
and began the day with"-- how much chocolate?
- Yum, okay.
"It was during Giffen's meteoric rise
"that Eli met Elissa Doane, a receptionist, model,
"and fellow New York transplant who was a neighbor
in his Biscayne Bay apartment building."
I really want to say they married on December 4, 1966.
- After Dad played two sets of tennis.
- Two sets of tennis.
- When I met him, he was so beautiful.
So full of life.
Took the stairs two at a time.
Never sat down.
He was brilliant, sweet, modest, generous, kind.
We married in '66.
Those were idyllic years.
I mean, they were probably too good for any two people.
The children came four years into it,
and we were the talk of the town
'cause I was always pregnant for like 27 months straight.
We were happy.
We were a happy fivesome.
And life was just a dream.
When Daddy had his stroke in 1982,
we banded together as the T Team.
The kids got me a license plate
for the front of my car, "The T Team."
And we began running races together
to show we will overcome.
Yeah, we became a band of four,
holding up our dad.
- Maybe we should add that you ran track in high school.
Were you a track star?
- You're almost at the finish line, Dad.
You know what today is?
- You're gonna reach the finish line
one week from today.
Can you hang in there till then?
♪
- You can see how the pieces are coming together, right?
We know what we gotta do.
That this could be something that feels like history.
You can see the concept of how this could become
something that we could...
- Here's Daddy.
- Get levels of transmission down low enough...
- Here's Daddy.
- Hi, Dad. Guess what I have for you.
You ready? Can you see?
- Okay, here goes.
- It's Rachel Maddow from MSNBC.
- Your daughter, Rabbi Rachel,
reached out through some mutual friends
and found me to tell me that you have been
watching "The Rachel Maddow Show,"
watching me on MSNBC,
religiously-- small R, religiously--
and that this might be a good time
for me to reach out and say hi and to say thank you.
So this is hi, and this is thank you.
I know that this has been
a really, really difficult time.
It has been a difficult time for the world
and for the country, but for you in particular
these past weeks and months.
And I just want to tell you that you're in my heart
and you're in my prayers.
- Thank you for paying attention to me.
And I'm just hoping you'll let me pay a little bit
of it back to you now.
God bless you.
- Aww.
- Beautiful.
What do you think, Daddy?
- Sorry about the delay.
Daddy has a catheter in, and it leaked.
Mom's coming.
She's walking Dad's morning caregiver out.
- They bought us a double plot,
where one of us is on the bottom,
and the other one's on the top.
Eli, when he heard that he'd be waiting for me,
and he'd be on the bottom, he said, "That's heaven!
I love Lisa on top.
[laughter]
- That looks like a former tennis player
I used to play tennis with.
- Yeah, Eli, I remember
when you had the biggest serve in tennis.
I don't know if you knew that, Ondi.
- Okay.
- That's right.
Donny Lefton came on his motorcycle.
And he's still riding his motorcycle around.
- I love you, Eli.
- Yeah, Lisa, give him a big kiss for us now
from the three of us.
- Good? - Nice.
- Mwah.
- It's been good being a co-grandfather with you.
Happy trails, sir.
- He's gonna say goodbye again.
- Goodbye, Eli. We love you.
- That's a great question.
I don't know the answer.
What would you like to have happen?
- They will make sure of that,
that you will no longer be alive
when they close up the box.
- You want to blow her a kiss, Daddy?
- Oh, yes!
[birds chirping]
- It just means so much to us that you've been through this
with your own father.
Even though it was Vermont,
I'm sure there's some insights you can share
on what we can expect on March 3rd.
- If you have the instructions, I can look at them
and let you know anything that I--
- They gave me a couple pieces of paper.
Why don't we take a look and then,
yeah, I was gonna practice dad drinking
'cause he needs to be able to do it himself,
if you want to help out.
- That's a really important piece.
- Okay, thanks, cuz.
Love you. - I love you too.
- Hey, Daddy, Dana's here.
- Hi.
So what I would say that seems similar
is that the anti-nausea medication
that came before made him really sleepy.
My dad.
So I would just say that any conversations
you want to have, just make sure to have those
before he takes the anti-nausea medication.
- He has to hold the cup in his hand and--
- I think we should just use one of his big straws,
the straws that he's using with his Ensure.
- Not allowed.
- We had to break up 100 pills.
- Wow.
- It was not an elegant solution.
- And he had to hold it, right?
- He had to hold it.
- Daddy, try to hold that in your hand, yourself.
Can you?
Okay.
- Hmm, maybe a lighter cup. - He's gonna have to.
- A lighter weight.
- Even if you have a plastic cup, I wonder.
- Hold that, Daddy.
I just want to see if the width of the cup is good.
- Okay.
Think something more narrow, Daddy?
- Hello, Daddy.
- Here, try this one.
- Sit you up.
- The straw--
- Okay, so a shorter straw.
- A shorter straw.
- All right, let me try again, Daddy.
And let's try it with some clear liquid.
- That's probably a good idea.
- All right. Here we go, Daddy.
♪
- There you go.
♪
- That's great. All right.
Okay.
- Should we do the meeting about finances stuff?
- Let's do it. - Oh, man.
- Mom, it's gonna be so easy.
You've got, like...
- We're just gonna talk-- - A few bills.
- Now, why am I gonna be doing this?
- If you ever want to know how much money
you have in the bank.
- You might want to check that,
or are you just gonna call David to find out?
- I mean, why do you want-- - Or you could--
- I like option two. - Hear that?
- What? - She's gonna call you.
- [laughs] - Oh, my God.
- All right, do you want to tell us what you're doing
so that Mom knows how to do it?
- Yeah, write down the numbers.
- Where are the bills that we have?
- So we have-- Daddy, we have Spectrum.
- Was there anything that you can remember that was,
like, a unique charge?
- 65 a month.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Anything else you want us to know?
- 85 a month.
- 21st Century.
Have you had a chance to have loving times with mom,
just you and her, these last couple days?
- No? Not yet?
- I know you do.
She loves you too.
- To Mom. - To Mom.
- She's the rock. - To Mom and Pop Pop.
- Mm-hmm. - And to Pop Pop.
- Yeah.
- For his generous, and loving, and humorous self.
[laughter]
♪
- He's like this great tree I've been able
to take shade under, which I won't be able
to take shade under anymore.
Oh, you see the tree over him? - Yeah, yeah.
There's a story in the Talmud about a person
who's on a journey, and they're thirsty,
and they're hungry,
and they come to a beautiful tree.
And the tree has deep roots, and it's tall,
and it's got wide branches,
and beautiful foliage, and fruit.
And the person spends some time there in the shade,
cools down and rests,
leaning against the trunk of the tree,
and eats the fruit of the tree and rests there.
And when the person's totally replenished,
they say to the tree,
"You have blessed me with so much.
"With what can I offer you my thanks?
"There's nothing I can offer you
"because you already have a tall trunk,
and you already are so sturdy."
Here is my blessing to you.
May your saplings be just like you.
- Hear that, Daddy?
- Each one of us carries so much of you.
You did pretty well with the saplings,
don't you think?
[laughter]
- Do you think that you have a soul?
- You haven't given thought to that?
- One thing he's been clear about since I was ordained
was that he wanted me to do his funeral.
He didn't want any other rabbi to do his funeral.
I knew from the first time he asked me
that it wasn't what I wanted.
As he's getting closer to death,
he is more and more often calling me his rabbi,
which is surprising to me because as he's getting closer
and closer to death, I am more and more clear
that I'm his daughter.
So I'm gonna go there and be his daughter,
but when he needs me to be his rabbi,
I'll be his rabbi.
♪
When I first told him I wanted to be a rabbi,
he didn't support it.
I think that now, as he's nearing the end of his life,
it's becoming really meaningful to him
that I've put a lot of my time into this kind of moment
and the deepest questions about life and death.
♪
- Can you take one that big again,
or should I make it smaller?
Look who's here.
- Hi, hi.
- Hi, Dad.
So nice to be with you now.
- At long last.
So, Dad, I heard that you wanted me
to give a full eulogy at the funeral here.
And I wrote it on the airplane.
- Is it truthful?
- I aimed to be very, very precisely truthful.
Yes.
- You're crying inside?
Why are you crying?
- After the stroke?
- And feeling like a failure.
- I understand that.
♪
- The T Team has reassembled to help Daddy
on to his next adventure.
♪
- Hi.
- Ondi is just so worried
that I don't spend enough time squeezing your hand.
That bothers her.
I'm here.
- Pretty tall. - Yeah, she's tall.
Adores her brother. - Okay.
- And you can see her brother is the sweetest kid
in the whole world.
- Peaceful. - Hi.
- [laughs] I don't mind.
I love him. He knows I love him.
She's the director.
- What is it about?
- I'm spending time--
- You want to say something to me?
I'm an old shoe, don't you understand?
- You want to say something to me, baby?
- I'm his slipper.
- Comfy.
- I think she doesn't know what--
I think she needs to really allow herself
to feel what's happening.
- Uh-huh.
- I think she's really scared of it.
I don't know, probably fear. I don't know.
But she's just wrapping everything in a story.
You know, she's--story, story.
- And chatting.
- Right.
And he said, "No, I haven't."
And, so I thought--
- All right, I love you. I'll see you soon.
- Okay, bye.
♪
- There he is.
- Hi.
- I'm good. Just doing some work.
I saw you getting some ice cream.
That looked good.
- Sounds like a pretty nice life right there.
- Ready for some more?
Yes, you are.
- There's more.
- Another dish.
- I mean, why not, really?
- You want to get to talking? - Sure.
- So, Dave--
- Dad, we're gonna have a little conversation
about how we're gonna remember you...
- Yes. - After you die.
So let's imagine that the funeral is on Thursday.
The thought that we are having is that we would be--
just us, right?
It's not on Zoom.
It's not, like, broadcast to the public, right?
- Right. - Right.
- And the basics of what you do at a graveside funeral
in Judaism, you start out with some Psalms.
You have some time for remembrances.
You have the prayer Kel Maleh Rachamim,
which is asking God to take our loved one
and to take Dad under God's wings and hold him forever.
And then you have the physical burial.
And then you say Kaddish.
It is traditional to participate in the burial.
You actually place the earth into the grave.
And the more you do, the better.
So we could be there for a while,
if we wanted to, just continuing to do that.
It's kind of like tucking Dad in.
♪
- If you were up above the clouds,
and I hope you end up there,
that would be a beautiful place to be every day.
- I think the world looks so peaceful
from above, from a plane.
You've been grounded for so long.
But you know what, you're not even gonna need a plane.
- You're gonna be able to fly.
- Like a "boid."
♪
- See if that's easier.
♪
- Okay, Daddy, I'm gonna write your name.
"I, Eli Timoner, am an adult of sound mind
and a resident of the State of California."
- I put the time down as noon. - Yeah.
- It has to be 48 hours?
- Don't time it. Don't time it.
- Right. - What is the law?
Why-- - It has to be 48 hours?
I don't know. - 48 hours.
- Yes, so she--if he wants to do it at 10:30,
12:00 noon is two hours.
- So the date today is March 1st.
- Yes, all day.
♪
Already. - I can't believe it.
It's just so surreal.
I cannot stop crying today.
♪
All right, Daddy.
Let's get this horseshit over with, again.
All right.
Top, you gotta initial right there.
Right here.
Up. Up, up, up, up.
Okay.
See where you're going? Right here.
Nice one, Daddy.
Very nice.
♪
- Love you so much.
And I'm scared to lose you,
but I know you're gonna be here still.
- I know.
I know, Daddy.
I'm so happy for you to have a new adventure.
You loved running around, and playing, and everything,
and you get to do that again.
- Oh, good.
Oh, good.
[phone rings] Candice, you gotta go.
♪
- All mic'd up.
How does it feel to be mic'd up all the time?
Cameras trained on you.
- You don't like it?
- Well, if you don't like it, you could yank them off.
- Cross the director?
Hey, you're the star of the show.
- No, he doesn't want to cross you.
- He likes it better that it's on.
- Okay, until tomorrow.
- I love you.
- You always made the best out of it, Dad.
You gave me the best life ever.
I want you to feel no regrets, okay?
- You want to work with Rachel and do the viddui now?
Think you have the energy for it?
- When you die on Wednesday...
- You're going into another realm.
Yeah?
- And when you go into that other realm,
we want you to be as free and as light as you can be.
And so this is a chance for you
to talk about anything
that still might weigh you down.
And then you can be forgiven.
And then you can forgive yourself.
And then, when you die, you're not carrying any
of that anymore.
- Mm.
That's exactly what we're here to talk about right now.
You still are carrying shame from that.
- Those are some big mistakes.
- Mm.
Oh, Dad, that sounds so painful.
Sounds like you felt so much shame.
- Yeah.
I'm so sorry. That sounds so hard.
- You're really angry at yourself,
and you're really angry upset that you feel like
you did something stupid.
- Then, you recovered, Daddy, and went to Air Florida.
- All right. - Okay.
[speaking Hebrew]
And God said, "I have forgiven as you have spoken."
Now it is to you to forgive yourself,
and leave it all behind.
You were not perfect in this life.
But you were good.
You can leave all that behind now, okay?
Can you do that?
Can you put it down?
- Good.
- Here you are. - She brought the wrong--
- Sign here for me. Sign here for me.
- Sure.
- Thank you.
- Oh. - Yeah.
I just felt it all just sort of fall away right there.
I've been having that feeling of, like, vertigo,
like, my stomach falls like I'm on a roller coaster,
and I just had that right there.
- Oh! - You know?
Diazepam. Morphine.
- Hazardous drug. - Wow.
Diazepam, morphine, amitriptyline,
SyrSpend, Stevia.
- We need to put it somewhere safe and out of the way.
And they said it's not to be refrigerated.
Got it.
- When the pharmacy was saying that we had
to pay for the medicine, I put it on my credit card,
and then I felt really, really bad that I was paying
for poison for you.
Are you definitely, definitely sure
that you want to take this medicine?
- You're ready to go?
- To the next adventure.
- David has confided in me that Gigi doesn't want to come,
doesn't want to come, doesn't want to come.
And of course, we all sensed it's because Pop Pop's dying.
So after they all left, Eli said, "I miss Gigi."
- I love standing. - She likes to stand.
- Oh it's right by this-- - Oh, Gigi!
- She's gonna play some Rachmaninoff for you.
- Are you gonna sing too?
Wow.
- Okay.
This is "Vocalise" by Rachmaninoff.
I hope you like it. It's really pretty.
♪
[applause]
- Lovely.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Pop Pop, you're on.
- I'm ready.
[laughter]
- This guy, a vending machine.
- What was he thinking? What was he thinking?
- Don't put your penis in the machine.
- Yeah. - Okay.
♪
Everybody's with you.
♪
- I told Owen, and I told Gigi and the other grandkids,
Benji, and Eitan, and Juki, like, this is it.
You got anything you want to find out
from your grandfather, talk to him.
'Cause that's the amazing thing about him
is he's so lucid right now.
He's always been lucid.
He's always been super sharp.
- The main thing I wanted to talk about
is I wanted to ask for advice on, like,
just how to live your life.
- Advice. Just life advice.
Just how to live in life.
- Mm-hmm.
♪
- No, you didn't disappoint me.
Thank you so much, Pop Pop.
♪
- That is very cool. - What'd you get?
- That one's really cool too.
- Some Italian--Isaac Zelcer.
- See the tie? - See the butterfly tie?
It's very, very nice.
It's, like, silk. You want to feel it?
Feel how soft it is?
- I'll be wearing it on Thursday.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Yeah, see you flying off.
Just like the butterflies.
- Yeah.
- Exactly, exactly.
[laughter]
♪
- Hi, Pop Pop.
- How you doing?
- How's today been for you?
- Good.
- I'll be saying-- if only there was
a dime for every time I'd ask, "What would Pop Pop do?"
you know?
- Can you tell Owen again your advice about love?
- What do you mean by the perfect circle?
- Yep.
♪
- That's really good to hear.
- Okay, I'll try. That's a tall order.
- I want you to know that I'm not
very good at expressing myself and being vulnerable,
but I love you so much.
And I just--I feel bad
because I'm, like, not very good
at expressing myself and stuff,
and I want you to know how much I love you.
- You look so nice and clean.
- I know. He's so clean and fresh.
- Such a good man.
I'm gonna thank these people during your eulogy, okay?
- Bringing up so much.
- As you're coming to the end, you're remembering everything.
I heard you telling amazing stories to the grandkids.
Were you able to hear how your grandchildren
see you as a model for who to be?
- They really do.
- Do you remember a couple of days ago
we were talking about that maybe your assessment
about your life has been a little bit off?
- Yes.
You know how you're a provider
and what you care about the most is providing?
What you've provided for us our whole lives is love and care.
But you know what's the last thing
you could really provide for us?
Loving yourself like that.
Really knowing how good you are.
That would give us all so much comfort
to know that you were leaving this world,
putting down all that baggage.
- Good.
'Cause you are a shining light, and you should know it.
That's what we want more than anything.
All of us.
Does everybody agree with me?
Is that what we want for Pop Pop?
- I want nothing more.
- Everybody...
- It's unanimous.
- No, no, there are no filibusters here.
- Uh-huh.
- That's it.
We did it.
♪
- If you had a chance to stick around and be in a safe place
we could come visit you, would you stick around?
- I know.
I'm sorry you struggled for so many years.
- I feel like I'm--
- There's nothing to say sorry about.
If this is what you want, we are all behind you.
But you're saying you want this, right?
Is that what you're saying?
- You have said it many times.
- No, babe.
This whole year has been cruel to both of us, and to Cooper.
- Yeah. Thank you, Cooper.
You've given us everything your whole life.
That's why you're so loved.
- I love you, honey.
- But you're gonna watch after me, you said.
- But I'll look for you. I'll look for signs.
That World War II song,
"I'll find you in the morning."
♪ And when the day is done
♪ I'll be looking at the moon
♪ But I'll be seeing you
I love you, baby.
Thank you for the whole life.
- I'll see you tomorrow, Dad. I love you.
I love you so much. See you tomorrow.
- Okay.
- I love you, Dad.
I'm scared of what it's gonna be like to not have a father.
I've always had him there.
- Love you so much.
But you remember what I told you.
You have to say goodbye.
Too many people love you.
- What do you think now?
Was I right?
- You matter too much to so many people.
- Hi, beautiful.
Hi.
How are you feeling?
- Yeah.
You've done everything you have to do in this whole life.
You've lived an incredible life.
And you are cleared for takeoff.
- [singing indistinctly]
- You know what I saw this morning?
- No.
- A beautiful peacock,
with the longest tail feathers I've ever seen.
- Turquoise like silk.
And I walked close to him, and he didn't--
- He didn't flinch.
And as he walked away, his feathers looked like waves.
And I thought my Dad's gonna fly like a beautiful peacock,
up into the trees.
♪
- I'll make sure to take care of everyone for you.
- Hi, Dad. - It is David.
- Hi, hi, hi.
- Hi, Dad.
- I'm proud of you.
- Really?
- Hi.
- Thank you.
Very much.
- [singing Hebrew]
- What we want first is Zofran or Haldol.
- This is the final? - No, that's digoxin.
This is the Reglan. - Oh.
- This is the Reglan. - This is the Zofran.
- This is Zofran.
Wow, that's a lot of powder.
Why are we told that, once he takes this one,
there's no turning back?
- 'Cause it's gonna slow his heartrate.
- So he'll just go into a coma. - Critically.
Yeah.
- Like, if we don't continue, then--
- He'll just end up in a coma.
- But then we wait 30 minutes for that.
Okay. All right.
So this is pills. Pills we know how to do.
♪
Hey, Daddy. You ready to start?
I've got three pills here
that are anti-nausea medication.
And it's gonna start the clock.
It's 10:35.
♪
- [singing Hebrew]
♪
- We're gonna pass this around.
And we're gonna each just say whatever comes to mind,
whatever we want Daddy to hear and to have
wrapped around him forever.
- As I hold this right now,
and when it's around your wrist,
for me, what it means is that we are connected,
that death can't separate us.
I'm so grateful that I've had you as a father.
I've had a wonderful, wonderful father.
And you have always loved me.
And that has sustained me more than you can ever know.
- You've always been such an inspiration--your bravery,
your honesty.
I feel so empowered by you.
Your legacy is something that I...
- I will be. I will live for.
♪
- All right, Daddy.
You've always been my pal.
You always loved us all, unconditionally,
and I know you hung in there when you didn't want to,
and I know you struggled so hard
these last years, especially.
Thank you.
Fly a little kindness for all of us.
♪
- You are a hero, honey.
- You've been just an incredible husband and father.
I love you, baby, forever.
- Okay. This is all of our love.
- Can you tie it?
- All of our love will be tied around you.
This one, Daddy, you need to take by yourself.
Okay?
And once you take this, there's no turning back.
And then the last one we're gonna take
in 30 minutes from now.
And that one is gonna be the final goodbye.
That's when you'll lose consciousness
shortly thereafter, upon taking that one.
But this one, you're gonna be with us still.
It's just gonna slow down your heart.
- Okay, Dad?
- Here, Daddy. There we go.
- Straw. - There we go.
- It's all you. - Okay.
Okay.
There's still some more there, Dad.
I'm sorry.
[all singing Hebrew]
- Okay, so this goes into glass.
Just mix approximately 4 ounces of water
or clear juice with the powder and stir well.
♪
Dump this in?
♪
Wow.
♪
Have a sip of water or juice in between
can be helpful, so I'm gonna have--
- The other glass, we can take and put--when, Candice?
Now? - Now.
- Hey, Daddy, you ready?
You ready to go?
Here we go.
Okay, we're gonna sit you up a little bit for this.
This one's a little more than the last one.
Quite a bit more.
Now, you have to take this all within two minutes' time, okay?
Somebody start a clock.
Daddy, you tell me when you're ready to start this, okay?
Because once you start it, you gotta keep it going.
Okay, Dad. Hold the glass.
Got it?
Okay, Dad.
♪
You got to get it to your--
- Straw. - Almost, almost, almost.
A little more to your right. A little more to your right.
Almost.
- Timer's started.
- Very bitter. Here, Daddy.
Here, have a sip of water.
♪
Okay. Gotta take some more.
- [groans]
- I know it's hard.
You gotta keep going, though.
- [groans]
- You gotta keep going, Daddy.
- You got it. - Keep drinking, Daddy.
- Drink it, Daddy. - Daddy.
- Believe in you. - Keep drinking, Dad.
- You got this. - You're so strong.
- You gotta drink more. - You gotta hold it up.
- I can't. I'm not allowed.
But I can hold your hand.
I'm gonna hold your hand.
- Okay, Daddy.
♪
Good job, Dad.
Keep going, keep going.
- Water?
- [coughing]
- Quickly.
- Dad, you gotta do it.
- Here.
So close, Daddy.
One more big sip, and you got it.
- Get it down. - Daddy, just get it down.
You got this.
♪
- Okay, that's two minutes. - Here.
- Okay.
- Just a little less. - Little bit less.
- Way, way, way less. - Way less.
Just on his mouth, just a tiny bit.
- Okay, can we count that as done?
- Can we count that as done?
- Yes. - Okay, great.
Okay.
Daddy. - We love you.
- Here is chocolate sorbet. - We love you.
- Just here, take that. - We love you.
We love you. - Take that.
- Is that better, Daddy?
♪
- Just rest. - Just rest, Daddy.
- Just let go. - Let go.
- Okay.
We really can't give him any more sorbet?
- [coughing]
- The flavor?
- [coughing]
- Take off his oxygen.
- Careful of his ears.
- Okay, Daddy.
It's gone, Daddy.
- Don't worry.
- Just rest now, Daddy. - Mm-hmm.
♪
- What happened?
No, he's still there.
- Okay.
What time is it?
- 12:10.
- Time of death 12:10. - That's the time of death.
Yeah.
- Here we go, Daddy.
♪
- Aww, poor Daddy. - Oh, my God.
Look at those bedsores. - Poor Daddy.
- Yeah, let's clean you up.
- That looks super painful.
He never even complained.
- Well, he's been sitting there for--
- Forever. - No more pain.
- Yeah. - No more pain.
- Daddy. - Wow.
His arm is as light as a feather.
- No resistance. Like, so--
- Yeah. - Wow.
What was that weight?
- Probably just gripping. - Just gripping.
- Pull this down.
- The blanket. - Pull it down.
Okay.
- He looks beautiful. Oh, Eli.
♪
- I asked my father to pray the viddui,
the prayer we say on Yom Kippur
and just before we die,
which we release our guilt, and confess our wrongdoing,
and ask for forgiveness,
so we can leave the world lighter.
♪
Stripped of all status and dignity,
my father felt a shame so deep that he came to believe
that he had no worth.
♪
This was the sin he most needed to confess before he died.
My father's realization
was that he had measured his life wrong.
He thought his worth was earned by his success.
And in the last two weeks of his life,
he saw how loved he was despite all
of his perceived failures,
and how much his love had shaped the lives
of the people around him.
♪
On the last night of his life,
his kids, and grandkids, and my mom sat around his bed,
and we all saw the change in him.
♪
Just in time, he started to understand
that the true worth of his life was measured in love.
And by that measure, he had wildly succeeded.
We do not have to wait
until the last night of our lives to know
that we are already loved and worthy of it.
We do not have to wait until the last day
to measure our lives by love.
Today, Yom Kippur is meant to simulate
the last day of our lives.
♪
What if we begin right now?
What if we begin today?
Ken yehi ratzon.
♪
[Merritt Lear and Christophe Beck's "I'll Be Seeing You"]
♪
- ♪ I'll be seeing you
♪ In all
♪ The old familiar places
♪ That this heart of mine embraces ♪
♪ All day through
♪ In that small café
♪ The park across the way
♪
♪ The children's carousel
♪ The chestnut trees, the wishing well ♪
♪
♪ I'll be seeing you
♪ In every lovely summer's day ♪
♪ In every thing that's light and gay ♪
♪ I'll always think
♪ Of you that way
♪ I'll find you in the morning sun ♪
♪ And when the night is new
♪
♪ I'll be looking at the moon ♪
♪ But I'll be seeing
♪
♪ You
♪
- ♪ Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream ♪
♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
- ♪ Life is but a dream