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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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-[upbeat music playing]
-I am Liss Pereira,

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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a truck driver
trapped inside a woman's body.

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I don't know if I'm a really ugly
pretty girl or a really pretty ugly girl.

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Crass yet elegant.

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With a poor man's salary
and expensive tastes.

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-[camera clicking]
-Very thin for some… [whispering] (few)

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and very fat for others…
[whispering] (most).

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[upbeat music continues]

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Not too tall, not too short.

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-[groaning]
-[music stops]

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[upbeat music playing]

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If you're like me
and are right there in the middle,

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come with me, for you…

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LISS PEREIRA IN…

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…are adulting.

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["Vegas Scat Big Band" by
Stephen James Edwards playing]

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[audience cheering and applauding]

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Hey!

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[laughing]

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Oh!

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[music fades]

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Good afternoon, ladies, gentlemen,
non-gender people.

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Everyone, my mom.

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Good evening all of you who are here
and those watching me on Netflix.

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-Thank you.
-[audience chuckling]

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But uh… where are all the women
who came unaccompanied tonight?

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[cheers]

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I know.

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You learn a lot from people
when you hear them participate.

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There is a passion there.

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"Here I am, ovulating! Fuck, here I am."

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[laughs]

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There's a commitment.

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There's a disposition to life. Openness.

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"Universe, pour all your blessings on me."

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[laughs]

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Where are the people
who came with a group of friends?

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[audience cheering]

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See? You get to know
a lot about people by listening to them.

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I mean, a freaking mess!

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You don't get it. Some got thinking,
"What are we? I don't know."

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Listen to this instead.
Where are the people who came as a couple?

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[audience cheering]

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There's no room for doubt.
"As a couple? I here love her."

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Here, there's no room for doubt,
there's already been an argument,

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an adjustment process.

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It's like an old shoe
that's been adjusted to your foot.

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It no longer causes corns,
it's been in battle.

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You get to know people
you love and will always love by talking,

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but it's consolidated by arguing.

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Don't look for someone
to pamper you, who's attentive.

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That shit is over within two years,
and only if you're hot!

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[audience chuckles]

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Look for someone who says nice things,
who pleases you…

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That's over soon too.

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-[chuckles]
-And who argues well.

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With whom you can start an argument

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and you can say, "Hey, I respect you."

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[audience laughing]

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There's nothing worse
than someone who always lets you win.

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An idiot that's like… "Yes, I love you."

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And you go, "Oh."

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[chuckles]

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[sucks teeth] "What a shame!"

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[laughing]

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The last time I was on Netflix,
I was pregnant.

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Very pregnant!

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[audience laughing]

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I swear I'm not anymore. [chuckles]

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[laughs]

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It's been long since I could excuse myself

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and people said,
"Oh, she just had a baby."

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He can speak now, he's three, he…

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Now it's all on me. [laughing]

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And I love it. I love being my son's mom.

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Why I don't love that much
or need to get used to

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is all that comes with it.

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I never knew how to count
my son's age in months.

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I know nothing about that silly stuff.

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I don't like chatting
on those WhatsApp groups or anything.

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All those classes…

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I never took him to crawling classes
or to any of that shit.

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Being a mother in this generation
is thrice as stressful as before.

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Moms in previous generations

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had the chance to give birth and be moms.

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In private.

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Period.

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Not us.

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We do the same things,
but we get to be moms in public.

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Because now
we live as if we were influencers.

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You have 7 followers and share
a story writing, "For all of you."

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-Because that's how we are.
-[laughs]

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Right?

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And one of the most important decisions
I had to make when I had my son

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was posting his picture.

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That's a decision
this generation must make.

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And I decided not to.

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[shrieks in high voice] "He must be
a hideous child.

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-Why won't she post his picture?"
-[audience laughing]

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"[huffs] I'm sure he doesn't look
like his dad."

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"#slut."

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[audience laughing]

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[chuckling] You'll say,
"Fine, let's share."

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"Moms build a community when they share."

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"So, let's post a picture
breastfeeding the child, right?"

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Lactation… lactation is so beautiful.

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[laughs]

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"Damn exhibitionist woman,

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who uses breastfeeding her child
as an excuse to show her tits."

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"Slut, slut, slut, #SLUT."

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[chuckles]

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"Exploiting that innocent child
to be a flasher."

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"Her boobs are ugly,
they're cross-eyed, marginal."

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[laughs]

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"Blessings."

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[audience laughing and applauding]

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You just can't win.

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[audience continues applauding]

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There's no way you can win.

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Right?

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Then, you say, "They're right
about the tit, we all have our opinion."

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"I'll post one bottle-feeding my son."

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[in high voice] "Damn woman,
insufferable bitch,

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you're hurting society

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by depriving that beautiful being
from the unique nipple-mouth connection

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that'll make him a good person."

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"You're raising a future criminal."

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[laughs]

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"Blessings to your family and home."

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No!

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[audience chuckling]

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There's no way you can win.

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We're in a very strange,
very difficult generation.

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There isn't a lonelier time
for a woman than right after giving birth.

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Because she does not identify
with the reality others show on networks.

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You're there and you're crazy.

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After giving birth,
we're crazier than usual.

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[chuckles]

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Our hormones are all over the place,

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our tits are cracked,

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our body's all patched-up.

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You don't know
what or who you are, how, why.

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You've been told,
"When a baby is born, so is a mom."

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Bullshit!

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[laughs]

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And you're feeling like shit, lactating.

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It's 45 minutes.

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You have a lot of time
to think about a lot of shit.

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[audience laughing]

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[audience continues laughing]

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"Lola the cow…"

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[audience continues laughing]

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"Lola the cow has a head and an ass"

156
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"She still has an ass
because she hasn't given birth"

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"Lola the cow isn't married"

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You…

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[audience laughing]

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You are so tired.

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And when you don't sleep
and don't eat well, you go crazy.

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You're not doing anyone a favor
visiting us at the hospital after labor.

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Wait until we've recovered a bit.

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Don't be nosy. Don't drop by.
You've no business being there.

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Right? And don't tell
a pregnant woman any jokes.

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Friends go, make us laugh, and we're…
[laughing hysterically]

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-No!
-[laughs]

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[audience applauding and cheering]

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[audience laughing anxiously]

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"God, help me."

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[laughs]

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"How nice…"

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"Jesus Christ resurrected, right?"

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[laughs]

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"On the third day."

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"Being dead three days sounds nice."

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[laughs]

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"Three days. Three days."

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If you look good
after your 8-hour beauty sleep,

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imagine after being dead 3 days.

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[audience laughing]

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"Give people time to value you,

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'She was such a good person.'"

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[audience chuckling]

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"Give them time to say,

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'She was the woman of my life,
had she still been alive,

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I would've asked her to marry me.'"

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[audience chuckling]

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"Three days."

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"Then come back with your hair done,
dressed in white."

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You go mad!

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[chuckles]

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Your hormones are all over the place,
so is your body, and your brain.

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No clothes fit. When you just had a child,
you look for clothes.

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For in the legal system of Colombia,

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you must register the child
right after giving birth, right?

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And give them a name
they'll hate for the rest of their lives.

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They'll change it.
They won't use Lisseth Johana, too long.

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Lisseth Johana Pereira Ordóñez
is too long.

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You find a shorter name,
more commercial. Bing, bang.

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Boom.

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[chuckling] Girl. Someone laughing
back there has a horrible name.

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[laughs]

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Because we're Latin, and Latins
have bad taste, we can't have enough.

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Look at me. I think, "I've got six rings,
I'll put them on 'cause it's my show."

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[laughs]

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Braid, etcetera, I mean…

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With this side, I can invade
a Viking village with my friends.

209
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And with this side,
I can chase after Marimar.

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-[laughs]
-I mean… you want it all.

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[applause]

212
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So… we're in a moment in history

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in which I believe we're overstimulated,
like a child when you do too much

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"Let's draw cartoons,"
and I paint with him.

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I paint faces, balloons,
water, and whatever.

216
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And at midnight, the kid…

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[laughs]

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We're an overly stimulated generation.

219
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We're the middle generation.

220
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We were raised by parents
who had no love and owed us more love.

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We're screwed.

222
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We had good parents,
so we must be good children.

223
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,731
And our parents know it.

224
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,776
So, with the pandemic,
the quarantine, the lockdown,

225
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,321
we realized they're our new children.

226
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,241
Folks from this generation
are the new kids.

227
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:20,202
They don't behave as parents,
they had to grow up fast.

228
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,579
[audience chuckling]

229
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I mean, too soon, too young.

230
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They married in their 20s,
didn't have a life.

231
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:29,128
So, after they're 40, 50,
they behave like teenagers.

232
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,255
They grow up so fast…

233
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,798
[audience laughing]

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Parents are the new children.

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Because we make a huge effort

236
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to teach them what they must know
to defend themselves in the modern world.

237
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You save money, buy them
a state-of-the-art cellphone.

238
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You invest time, money
in making them a tutorial,

239
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a slow-motion video, slow…

240
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:50,608
[chuckles]

241
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,360
…for them to understand, right?

242
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:55,905
And why do we make all this effort?
For them not to pick up our calls.

243
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,865
-Because if there's anyone…
-[laughs]

244
00:10:57,948 --> 00:10:59,075
You have an emergency.

245
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They tell you, "You know
I'll always be there for you."

246
00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:02,995
Bullshit!

247
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:03,996
[laughs]

248
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,208
When you leave their home,
parents want nothing to do with you.

249
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:09,460
They're sick and tired,
and you understand.

250
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,171
But they never pick up our calls.

251
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:15,216
The excuse is, "Sweetie,
I don't know about technology."

252
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:17,259
-That's a lie, woman!
-[laughs]

253
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,012
I've seen you send Tweety stickers.

254
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,598
-I mean…
-[laughs]

255
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:28,729
[audience applauding and cheering]

256
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,399
We get them.

257
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,359
Now I understand many things.

258
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:37,029
For, as you grow older,
as you become an adult…

259
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,824
Or like my generation,
we aren't completely adults.

260
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:42,326
We're adults of a grown-up age,

261
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,494
but aren't mature.

262
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:46,247
-[audience chuckles lightly]
-Really. Really.

263
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:50,126
I'm 35 and have a son.
What is this bullshit, right?

264
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,252
[laughs]

265
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:54,046
I know, we're in denial.

266
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,716
[laughs continue]

267
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:57,800
That's what it is.

268
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:01,846
Modern adults aren't adults
as in the previous generation.

269
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:05,433
Because, when I was little,
a 35-year-old woman was old.

270
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:08,936
When you're little and see someone
who's 35, "She'll die in 15 days."

271
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,271
[laughs]

272
00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:12,064
Not anymore. "I'm not old."

273
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,358
You're of age, but you're not mature.

274
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:20,156
We lead an adult's life,
do an adult's job, have an adult's wages.

275
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,867
What for? To spend it in teenage bullshit.

276
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:24,618
-[chuckles]
-Because that's what we are.

277
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,036
We are immature.

278
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,998
We're people who refuse to grow up.
It's so hard for us.

279
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,459
We're "adultescents" in heart, man.

280
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:32,877
[laughs]

281
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,087
And I understand us,
growing up isn't easy.

282
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,757
And since you're little,
they pester you to grow up.

283
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,342
A must-have conversation
of an adult with a child,

284
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,887
one who doesn't know
how to interact with a child,

285
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,139
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

286
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,726
If we knew back then
what we know now, we'd say,

287
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:52,188
-"Hell no, I don't wanna grow up!"
-[audience laughing]

288
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:58,861
Right? All the time they're pushing us
to make hasty decisions about our lives.

289
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:03,073
We adults nowadays have so much anxiety,
depression, acceleration, immediacy.

290
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:06,076
Everything's so fast
and everything's growing all the time.

291
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,538
You can't stand the 16 seconds
you need to wait between episodes.

292
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,333
And you're there,
everything's fast, everything's now.

293
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:15,294
But we want it to be
good quality and to last forever.

294
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:16,754
[light chuckles]

295
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,547
We're at a time in history

296
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:22,009
where there's too much motivation,
an excess of positivism.

297
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,595
It's, [in high voice] "What do you want?
Ask the universe for it."

298
00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:27,848
-[audience laughing]
-"If you ask for it hard enough,

299
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,392
with perseverance
and discipline, you'll have it."

300
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,769
[audience chuckling]

301
00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:35,189
We're the "walk away,
let it go, let it flow" generation.

302
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:36,857
[chuckles]

303
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:40,444
Who teaches us "stay, it takes a year"?

304
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,071
No one tells us that.

305
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:45,407
If I don't like a relationship,
"Let it go."

306
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:48,118
"If he makes you cry,
he doesn't deserve your tears."

307
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,371
[chuckles]

308
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:51,497
Bullshit!

309
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:52,581
[chuckles]

310
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,460
Because the people we love the most
are the people who make us the maddest.

311
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,088
Those we love the most make us cry harder.

312
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:00,756
Starting with our kids.

313
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,425
Those we love the most
are the ones we hate the most

314
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,970
-one, two, three times a week.
-[laughs]

315
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:09,014
For instance,
if you have a loving relationship,

316
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:13,143
and don't ask yourself
once or twice a week,

317
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:15,688
"Fuck, what have I done with my life?"

318
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,648
[laughs]

319
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,358
Then you don't love him.

320
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:25,322
And people, right?
We live with an excess of positivism.

321
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:28,492
"What do you want to achieve?
You can do everything you want."

322
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:29,827
Yes, but no.

323
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:34,081
Sounds lovely, I know. And you need
those motivational phrases.

324
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:36,792
But actually, you can't do
everything you wanna do.

325
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,752
'Cause some things we're not good at.

326
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:42,882
We're good at one thing or another,
the neighbor's good at this or that.

327
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:46,594
[mocking] "The power of your dreams,
if you can dream it, it's possible."

328
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:47,511
[laughs]

329
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:51,181
Yes, but it's kind of harder
in Latin America.

330
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,558
[light chuckles]

331
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:54,935
Here's my childhood dream.

332
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:59,481
I wanted to be a figure skater
when I was a little girl.

333
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,275
[laughs]

334
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:03,986
-In Cúcuta, man!
-[laughs]

335
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,780
For those who don't know it, it's a city…

336
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,700
[audience applauding and cheering]

337
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:10,618
I mean…

338
00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:14,121
Most of our countries
don't know about seasons.

339
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:17,958
In my town, my city, we do,
it's summer all fucking year round.

340
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:18,918
[laughs]

341
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,336
A cold day for us

342
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,714
is standing under a mango branch
at 100 degrees, I mean…

343
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,466
-[laughs]
-And okay.

344
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:29,428
[mocking] "Don't blame external stuff,
everything you want is up to you."

345
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,097
[laughs]

346
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,725
Let's say it's true.
We shouldn't blame external stuff.

347
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:36,852
We must assume our responsibility.

348
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:40,064
Figure skater, me!

349
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:41,357
[light chuckles]

350
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:43,275
Short-legged.

351
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,485
[chuckles]

352
00:15:44,568 --> 00:15:49,698
Figure skating is
a high-performance sports discipline.

353
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,992
We should know ourselves.

354
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,619
[laughs]

355
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,747
I mean, dream,
but know yourself a bit before you do

356
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,291
so you don't waste time
in an unreachable dream.

357
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,669
I mean, me?
A high-performance sportswoman?

358
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,879
Their life is 100% sacrifice.

359
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,049
If anyone deserves respect
and admiration, it's athletes.

360
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,842
Especially Latin ones.

361
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:12,304
It's a lot of fucking sacrifice, right?

362
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:16,684
Those people eat
boiled chicken breast all their lives.

363
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,769
[laughs]

364
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:24,775
I… I don't do drugs or alcohol,
but my passion is eating, I mean…

365
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:28,320
-[laughs]
-And with a bit of salsa.

366
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:32,783
[audience applauding and cheering]

367
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,910
No, really.

368
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,789
We should dream and all,
but we should know ourselves.

369
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:41,542
If someone made us get real
since we're little,

370
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,377
less adjacent leg, hypotenuse,

371
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:46,255
and more "What are you good at?
Come, I'll teach you."

372
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,340
There's no vocational focus at schools.

373
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,509
It's either "dream it" or "what a shame."

374
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,011
Know yourself.

375
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,680
Since I was little, I did,
and I thank God for that.

376
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,473
I knew my path since I was little.

377
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,852
In whatever class I was at school,

378
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:03,564
they'd always tell me,
"Pereira, back there. Shh. Pereira."

379
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:04,940
[chuckles]

380
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,985
In college, "Pereira.
Share it with the class." And look.

381
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,987
-Ah!
-[laughs]

382
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:13,657
-[audience applauding]
-[Liss laughing] Oh.

383
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,706
I mean it, it's difficult to be at peace,

384
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:23,208
especially now
that being happy is an obligation.

385
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:27,004
Yes, now we all have someone
to compare ourselves with,

386
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:28,422
and that's really toxic.

387
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:31,508
We follow celebrities
that make us think anything's possible.

388
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,802
-[chuckling] Bullshit!
-[audience chuckling]

389
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,847
If you're single,
there's always someone who's better at it.

390
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:39,349
"She's single, but she's hot."

391
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,810
"She works out
and doesn't eat at much as I do."

392
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,521
"Not that image is everything,
but she has more fun."

393
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:48,400
"She gets drunk
and goes out with Australians."

394
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,986
[chuckles]

395
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:56,617
You say, "It can happen,"
You're at a positive moment. "Go for it!"

396
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,912
I won't settle
for the office weirdo, no ma'am.

397
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:01,997
[audience laughing]

398
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,708
"It can happen, it can."

399
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:10,130
I celebrate my birthday with my friends
at the area where foreigners hang out.

400
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,675
We sit, I take the ugliest friends I have.

401
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,053
[audience laughing]

402
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:19,056
There's always an Australian
remotely related to the Hemsworths.

403
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:22,101
-I'll settle for a drop of their DNA.
-[audience laughing]

404
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:23,894
"It could happen."

405
00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:25,979
The guy is in Colombia

406
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:30,109
'cause he manufactures the machine
that pierces holes in coffee paper cups.

407
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,778
That's how people
from developed countries get rich.

408
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:34,071
And legally.

409
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:36,281
[chuckles]

410
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,326
"It could happen." He speaks English.
I'm drunk, I speak English.

411
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:42,454
-"Could happen."
-[laughs]

412
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:43,789
[Liss chuckles]

413
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,292
We're talking about dreams,

414
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,586
about asking the universe and all.

415
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:52,464
And I definitely believe
we should dream a lot,

416
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:56,885
wish a lot, yearn a lot,
project and set goals, right?

417
00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:02,224
You'll say, "No, he's not a keeper,
I want more. I want my Australian, or…"

418
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,726
"Or Colombian
but that looks like an Australian."

419
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:05,769
[laughs]

420
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,896
[strongly] You can have
the man of your dreams.

421
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,899
Dreaming isn't the problem,
the problem is how we dream it.

422
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,026
[softly] "Project yourself."

423
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,613
That's the goal, the man of your dreams.
You can have it.

424
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,867
Maybe… Maybe you won't be his first wife.

425
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,326
[light chuckles]

426
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:24,663
Maybe you'll be his second or third wife,

427
00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:26,456
or his mistress a year and a half.

428
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,001
-[laughs]
-But it could happen. You could have it.

429
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:32,629
"Project yourself."
The man of your dreams is there.

430
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,090
Maybe he's out of… out of cash,

431
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,759
because divorces are expensive.

432
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:42,472
Maybe he won't be too healthy,
since he partied a lot when he was young.

433
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:43,390
Maybe…

434
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,060
he'll be all fucked up.

435
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,605
-[laughs]
-But that's when they're more grateful.

436
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:52,441
A sick and tired man is faithful.
"Project yourself."

437
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:53,942
[audience laughing]

438
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,028
[chuckling] We're the middle generation.

439
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:59,448
And by "generation," I don't mean age,
because it isn't even clear.

440
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,326
I wanted to be old,
an old woman who talks to plants.

441
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:03,410
I wanted that.

442
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:06,246
[audience laughing]

443
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:12,252
And you can't be old anymore,
every day they extend youth.

444
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,713
[mocking] "The fifteens are
the new eights."

445
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:15,797
[laughs]

446
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,758
"The 20s are the new 12s."

447
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,052
"The 25s are the new…"

448
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:23,263
Why do you want to be in your 20s
if the 20s are the worst age?

449
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,140
You're anguished.

450
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:28,602
You're hot and you don't know it.
You're free and you don't know it.

451
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:32,731
I made a lot of mistakes in my 20s,
one of them was being a hard worker.

452
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,691
I spent my 20s working for my 30s.

453
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:37,736
Great, but I wasted time.

454
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:39,529
I didn't travel with my friends.

455
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,281
I wasn't a slut, I…

456
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,242
[laughs]

457
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:44,868
I was very well-behaved.

458
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:45,827
[laughs]

459
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:50,374
[audience applauding and cheering]

460
00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:53,961
And the bad thing about it
is time is unforgiving.

461
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:57,297
We're all heading to the same place.
[whistling]

462
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:00,092
I have no evidence. My advice to youth is…

463
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:01,260
Forgive me, parents,

464
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,680
but if someone asks you
for a naked picture, send it.

465
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:05,973
[laughs]

466
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:09,059
In five or six years,
you can use that person as reference.

467
00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:12,980
"Do me a favor. I sent you
a naked picture of me six years ago."

468
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:15,482
-[laughs]
-"My husband doesn't believe I was hot.

469
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,442
-Can you send it to me?"
-[laughs]

470
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,111
"Project yourself." Right?

471
00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:26,326
We're the ones in the middle,
a generation in the middle, of transition.

472
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:30,747
We've lived through a lot of weird stuff.
The pandemic was one of them, right?

473
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:33,417
But we also endured difficult,
strange transitions.

474
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,752
We went from analog to digital.

475
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:38,297
We had to win battles we've forgotten

476
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:40,048
and now we're softer than before.

477
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,175
We, who endured

478
00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:46,305
those times when our cousins
could kick our asses and it wasn't wrong.

479
00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:47,389
[chuckles]

480
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:50,600
I don't know about you,
a bunch of aristocrats,

481
00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:53,312
filthy rich since the day you were born…

482
00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:55,731
[audience chuckling]

483
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:58,483
but people like me, for instance,
[chuckles anxiously]

484
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:02,279
we couldn't afford
a Baldor Álgebra textbook for math.

485
00:22:02,362 --> 00:22:03,530
You get a hand-me-down.

486
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:06,700
-[laughs]
-And if you don't, you buy it second-hand.

487
00:22:06,783 --> 00:22:09,411
And it comes with heritage,
with DNA, with a history.

488
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:10,662
[chuckles]

489
00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:13,206
From people who were
13, 14 years old, people who…

490
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,208
[chuckles]

491
00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:18,378
-It had boobs, dicks, gossip, stuff.
-[laughs]

492
00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:21,673
To solve an equation,
you had to go through…

493
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:25,385
"What the fuck is under that,
an X or a Y?" You're there…

494
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:27,721
We're in the middle.

495
00:22:27,804 --> 00:22:32,809
And I analyzed myself, since I'm
the only one entitled to judge myself,

496
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:36,355
because I think we're at a time in history
where opinion is misused.

497
00:22:36,438 --> 00:22:40,275
[mocking] "I have my opinion,
how you take it is on you."

498
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:41,902
[light chuckles]

499
00:22:41,985 --> 00:22:44,696
"I'm super straightforward."
Hey, you're super bitchy.

500
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:46,615
-[audience laughing]
-No.

501
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,409
[audience applauding]

502
00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:50,535
That's unfair.

503
00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:55,916
You can't use your personality
as an excuse to hurt people.

504
00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:58,251
So, other people's feelings don't count?

505
00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:02,089
But our generation is to blame,
our excess of positivism and empowerment.

506
00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:03,298
Not women empowerment.

507
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:07,177
We're always, "Who are you? You're
the greatest, you deserve everything."

508
00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:08,637
"Who deserves you? No one."

509
00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:10,555
Shit.

510
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:13,725
So, who's normal, who's basic,
who's average? No one, right?

511
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:15,560
I consider myself average.

512
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:18,105
I'm an average adult.
I called this show Adulting.

513
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:19,523
I'm in the middle.

514
00:23:19,606 --> 00:23:22,692
I'm not too tall, they don't see me
and say, "That giraffe!"

515
00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:25,862
I'm not too short either
for people to say, "That midget!" No.

516
00:23:25,946 --> 00:23:27,948
[laughs]

517
00:23:28,031 --> 00:23:30,617
I'm not too ugly so as for Netflix to say,

518
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:33,161
"Let's make a soap opera
based on her life."

519
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:34,579
"Dub her to 37 languages."

520
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:37,165
"Let's keep it perpetually in the top 10."

521
00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:39,251
"Rewatch it every fortnight."

522
00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:40,168
No.

523
00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:43,213
Neither am I too pretty nor hot

524
00:23:43,296 --> 00:23:46,633
for your girlfriend to say,
"We won't go see that fucking slut."

525
00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:48,218
[laughs]

526
00:23:48,301 --> 00:23:51,012
Girls like me,
which means I'm not that pretty.

527
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:52,389
[laughs]

528
00:23:52,472 --> 00:23:54,516
Right? No one has doubted
about my successes.

529
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:58,353
Everyone knows I've earned what I have
with hard work. So, I'm not that hot.

530
00:23:58,437 --> 00:23:59,354
[chuckles]

531
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:01,857
We're in a world of extremes,
extreme opposites.

532
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:03,775
And either you fit in, or you don't.

533
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:06,236
It's happened to me all my life,
I don't fit in.

534
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:10,782
-I don't fit in the pants I like or…
-[laughs]

535
00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:14,119
'Cause there are really
two extreme opposites for universal stuff.

536
00:24:14,202 --> 00:24:16,663
Take education,
there's the extreme of excellence, right?

537
00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:19,249
We're told, [mocking]
"You must get there, project yourself."

538
00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:21,084
The extreme where that kid…

539
00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:24,463
In Colombia,
the highest grade is five, right?

540
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,132
The kid that got
an excellent note or five.

541
00:24:27,215 --> 00:24:28,967
"The highest grade, Sandra."

542
00:24:29,759 --> 00:24:32,471
"Your kid got a five, of course."

543
00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:35,849
"The apple doesn't fall
far from the tree."

544
00:24:35,932 --> 00:24:37,893
"Just like his dad. Just like him."

545
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,395
"What are we to do with the kid,
Sandra, my kid?"

546
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:43,940
"Mortgage the house, take him to Disney.
The kid deserves it, Sandra."

547
00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:45,317
[light chuckles]

548
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:49,738
And there's the opposite extreme,
the kid that got "unsatisfactory," zero.

549
00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:51,656
"Zero, Sandra, zero."

550
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:55,410
How stupid do you have to be in life…

551
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:56,620
[laughs]

552
00:24:56,703 --> 00:24:57,871
…to get a zero?

553
00:24:57,954 --> 00:25:00,373
Not a decimal point,
not even for personality.

554
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:01,750
[laughs]

555
00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:04,711
He's this presence in class,
a wandering soul.

556
00:25:04,794 --> 00:25:06,588
He's felt but cannot be seen.

557
00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:07,797
[chuckles]

558
00:25:07,881 --> 00:25:11,510
"Sandra, the apple definitely
doesn't fall far from the tree."

559
00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:14,179
"The kid is just like his mother."

560
00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:15,847
[laughs]

561
00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:19,059
And I wonder,
if those are the two extremes,

562
00:25:19,142 --> 00:25:25,607
what about the kid that passes with a 3.1?

563
00:25:26,107 --> 00:25:26,942
[chuckles]

564
00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:29,152
Isn't his shitty achievement worth a damn?

565
00:25:29,236 --> 00:25:31,238
-[chuckles]
-Is his effort worthless?

566
00:25:31,321 --> 00:25:32,948
Yes, laugh at him.

567
00:25:33,031 --> 00:25:37,118
Are we so excellent
that in school we never said,

568
00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:39,871
pronounced, or heard the following phrase?

569
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:40,956
"Teacher…"

570
00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:42,541
[light chuckles]

571
00:25:42,624 --> 00:25:44,751
"Sir, we don't take anything when we die."

572
00:25:44,834 --> 00:25:45,752
[laughs]

573
00:25:45,835 --> 00:25:47,796
"Sir, what's a decimal point to you?"

574
00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:49,214
-"Nothing."
-[laughs]

575
00:25:49,297 --> 00:25:52,050
"What's a decimal point to me?
My future, professor."

576
00:25:52,133 --> 00:25:53,134
[laughs]

577
00:25:54,302 --> 00:25:57,097
Right? Nothing but five in all subjects.

578
00:25:57,597 --> 00:26:01,101
Because that's today's motto,
[mocking] "You can do anything."

579
00:26:01,184 --> 00:26:02,602
Bullshit!

580
00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:05,564
There are things
you simply won't be able to do.

581
00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:07,857
There are skills and talents
we don't have.

582
00:26:07,941 --> 00:26:11,111
The sooner you know them
and focus on the talents you do have,

583
00:26:11,194 --> 00:26:14,322
the less frustrated
you lead your fucking life, right?

584
00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:18,285
That thing, "You're excellent,
you can do anything."

585
00:26:18,368 --> 00:26:21,955
As a parent, we pass
that generational anxiety to our kid.

586
00:26:22,038 --> 00:26:23,373
I discovered myself.

587
00:26:23,456 --> 00:26:25,542
You see the kid clapping with rhythm, so…

588
00:26:25,625 --> 00:26:29,087
[mocking] "Drum lessons
for genius two-and-a-half-year old."

589
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:30,797
It happens.

590
00:26:31,715 --> 00:26:32,632
[chuckling] Right?

591
00:26:32,716 --> 00:26:34,676
Opposite to the previous generation.

592
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:37,846
It went unnoticed.
"Oh, son, you play the saxophone."

593
00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:39,848
[laughs]

594
00:26:40,348 --> 00:26:41,182
Nothing.

595
00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:45,895
This next generation,
you can't say it to cats or plants, so…

596
00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:47,689
[light chuckles]

597
00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,733
We're the middle generation.

598
00:26:49,816 --> 00:26:52,277
Our blood isn't blue, but it's O+.

599
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,695
Where are my O+ people?

600
00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:55,697
[audience cheering]

601
00:26:55,780 --> 00:26:57,365
Yes, we're cheaper.

602
00:26:57,449 --> 00:26:58,450
[audience laughing]

603
00:26:58,533 --> 00:27:00,368
We're more common.

604
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:02,621
But in an accident, who wins, guys?

605
00:27:02,704 --> 00:27:04,205
[audience laughing]

606
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,666
You'll never see us,
[whimsically] "Oh, please!"

607
00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:10,462
[audience applauding]

608
00:27:10,545 --> 00:27:14,132
"Please, donate blood, ours is scarce."

609
00:27:14,215 --> 00:27:17,510
Hell no! We've got
plenty of blood to go around.

610
00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:21,931
That's why we can get face treatments,
platelet-rich plasma, all that shit.

611
00:27:23,183 --> 00:27:24,267
Cheap blood.

612
00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:25,852
-[chuckles]
-Plebs.

613
00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:28,897
A fucking poor, but honest legacy.

614
00:27:28,980 --> 00:27:30,815
[chuckles]

615
00:27:30,899 --> 00:27:34,235
As a generation, we are very immature
compared to our parents.

616
00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:36,696
But we're much more responsible.

617
00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:40,116
We idolize the past, "The parents
from before were better people."

618
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,077
Bullshit. They were irresponsible.

619
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,704
The nerve! To have 13 kids
earning a minimum wage.

620
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,748
[laughs]

621
00:27:48,708 --> 00:27:51,044
But for instance,
our relationship with plants.

622
00:27:51,127 --> 00:27:52,504
Us, the ones in the middle.

623
00:27:52,587 --> 00:27:58,009
People used to have a perfect relationship
with plants, emotional, responsible.

624
00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:02,097
Our grandmothers knew the names
of plants and what each was used for.

625
00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:06,101
And all the gibberish.
They knew all the names, right?

626
00:28:06,184 --> 00:28:09,062
They watered them
and pruned them at the right time.

627
00:28:09,145 --> 00:28:12,148
This generation, "I don't own plants,
let's save the Amazon."

628
00:28:12,232 --> 00:28:13,733
Another huge responsibility.

629
00:28:14,651 --> 00:28:16,111
And us, people in the middle.

630
00:28:18,154 --> 00:28:19,489
Three point one.

631
00:28:19,989 --> 00:28:21,074
[laughs]

632
00:28:21,157 --> 00:28:23,618
We think we have plants
because we have what?

633
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:25,870
Help me, what do you have at home?

634
00:28:26,621 --> 00:28:27,789
A cactus, right?

635
00:28:27,872 --> 00:28:29,290
[laughs]

636
00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:32,335
And people say,
"A cactus? I have a succulent." Girl…

637
00:28:32,419 --> 00:28:34,254
[audience laughing]

638
00:28:34,337 --> 00:28:37,424
-Five years ago, it was a weed.
-[audience laughing]

639
00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:41,219
The reason we learned to like it
isn't because it's pretty,

640
00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:43,304
it makes us feel better about ourselves.

641
00:28:43,388 --> 00:28:47,016
It gives us the weird sensation
that a live being won't die in our hands.

642
00:28:47,517 --> 00:28:50,895
That we're not dead inside
because these plants reflect the energy.

643
00:28:50,979 --> 00:28:52,105
[audience laughing]

644
00:28:52,188 --> 00:28:54,774
Owning a succulent or a cactus
isn't owning a plant,

645
00:28:54,858 --> 00:28:59,028
they just need three drops of water,
which could be tears, every three months.

646
00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:01,865
And they're ugly!

647
00:29:02,532 --> 00:29:06,745
That's why the previous generation
had lovely plants in paint cans.

648
00:29:06,828 --> 00:29:07,954
[light chuckles]

649
00:29:08,037 --> 00:29:11,541
Our generation has
very ugly plants in very pretty pots.

650
00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:14,377
I mean, the pot is a golden skull.

651
00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:18,506
[in high voice] It's a portrait
of Princess Diana, and her hair is…

652
00:29:19,007 --> 00:29:21,134
[chuckles] And the plant,
an ugly motherfucker.

653
00:29:21,217 --> 00:29:22,177
[laughs]

654
00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:23,678
We're in the middle.

655
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:26,681
We're the generation in the middle.
Three point one, right?

656
00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:29,267
Look, for example,
the extremeness of beauty.

657
00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:31,227
Beauty also has two extremes.

658
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:34,230
The classical beauty extreme,
which is evident beauty.

659
00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:37,233
Of course, now we say we're all beautiful.

660
00:29:37,317 --> 00:29:38,318
[in high voice] Yes…

661
00:29:39,819 --> 00:29:41,362
But it's more evident in some.

662
00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:42,947
[laughs]

663
00:29:43,031 --> 00:29:45,366
There's classical beauty, undisputable.

664
00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:48,995
People you see and go,
"You're a beautiful man or woman."

665
00:29:49,078 --> 00:29:51,581
Men who are beautiful even after shaving.

666
00:29:51,664 --> 00:29:54,083
-I mean, that kind of beauty.
-[chuckles]

667
00:29:54,167 --> 00:29:58,171
Women who are beautiful,
who have beautiful legs, a pretty face.

668
00:29:58,254 --> 00:30:00,507
They lose all their money, go bankrupt,

669
00:30:00,590 --> 00:30:02,050
buy clothes at a thrift shop,

670
00:30:02,133 --> 00:30:06,304
a one-dollar T-shirt
that looks like a Versace on them,

671
00:30:06,387 --> 00:30:08,807
tie a knot, tear it,
looks great and fashionable.

672
00:30:08,890 --> 00:30:09,891
That kind of people.

673
00:30:11,434 --> 00:30:12,811
And it's not envy speaking.

674
00:30:14,270 --> 00:30:15,438
[chuckles]

675
00:30:16,022 --> 00:30:19,442
But I want to make
a morphological observation,

676
00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:22,278
anatomical, about proportions.

677
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:26,407
How can an abdomen like that be possible?
And it's effortless, like this.

678
00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:27,784
Damn, like this.

679
00:30:28,284 --> 00:30:29,869
How can an abdomen like this

680
00:30:30,954 --> 00:30:33,331
accommodate everything
that has to fit in there?

681
00:30:33,414 --> 00:30:35,959
-[laughs]
-A pancreas, innards,

682
00:30:36,042 --> 00:30:38,795
eight feet of intestine
and its contents must fit there.

683
00:30:38,878 --> 00:30:41,172
A stomach, a liver,

684
00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:44,217
a gallbladder, kidneys have to fit there…

685
00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:45,593
How the hell does it fit?

686
00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:47,637
That's not godly, it's not human.

687
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,806
-They're reptilians!
-[laughs]

688
00:30:49,889 --> 00:30:50,807
Right?

689
00:30:50,890 --> 00:30:54,394
[audience applauding]

690
00:30:55,979 --> 00:30:57,897
And that's classical beauty.

691
00:30:57,981 --> 00:31:02,318
But there's the other extreme of beauty,
modern beauty, right?

692
00:31:02,402 --> 00:31:03,319
Current beauty.

693
00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:06,072
"Unlabeled" beauty,
which would be a label in itself.

694
00:31:06,573 --> 00:31:09,576
It reads "real women."
We go, "I don't look like her either."

695
00:31:09,659 --> 00:31:11,578
-[laughs]
-[chuckling] "I don't exist."

696
00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:15,540
It's a different beauty.

697
00:31:15,623 --> 00:31:18,001
It's a beauty one looks at and says,
"Are you…?"

698
00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:20,962
[light chuckles]

699
00:31:21,462 --> 00:31:24,090
"Are you, uh…? What are you?"

700
00:31:24,173 --> 00:31:25,008
[laughs]

701
00:31:25,091 --> 00:31:27,886
I don't know, people with style,
flair, who look good.

702
00:31:27,969 --> 00:31:30,555
With blemishes on their faces,
but they look pretty.

703
00:31:30,638 --> 00:31:33,349
They're in the shape of the Milky Way,
something crazy.

704
00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:34,809
Looks good on them.

705
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:38,688
Wearing stripes, plaid, polka dots,
sneakers with a tuxedo, it looks good.

706
00:31:38,771 --> 00:31:40,106
People like that.

707
00:31:40,189 --> 00:31:42,567
They have flair.
New beauty, modern beauty.

708
00:31:42,650 --> 00:31:45,486
And then, my question is,
if I don't fit here,

709
00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:48,197
for obvious reasons…

710
00:31:48,281 --> 00:31:49,532
[laughs]

711
00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:53,161
-Not judging myself for today. [chuckles]
-[chuckles]

712
00:31:54,454 --> 00:31:55,997
[laughs]

713
00:31:56,497 --> 00:31:58,082
Because you welcome me today

714
00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:01,544
and kick me out tomorrow when
you see me just out of bed. [chuckles]

715
00:32:02,211 --> 00:32:06,049
And if I don't belong to that extreme,
then where do I belong?

716
00:32:06,549 --> 00:32:09,177
In the middle, man. Beauty 3.1.

717
00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:11,179
[laughs]

718
00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:14,349
We, the ones who are beautiful
and ugly, all in the same week.

719
00:32:14,432 --> 00:32:15,934
[audience laughing]

720
00:32:16,017 --> 00:32:16,851
Normal people.

721
00:32:16,935 --> 00:32:18,728
Standard men, standard bodies.

722
00:32:18,811 --> 00:32:22,231
Who sometimes have a chubby fat,
who have flat asses.

723
00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:23,775
-[chuckles]
-Standard.

724
00:32:23,858 --> 00:32:28,196
Women with standard bodies,
women who are size 38 C.

725
00:32:28,696 --> 00:32:30,573
[subdued laughs]

726
00:32:30,657 --> 00:32:32,742
I mean our back size, our cup is 34.

727
00:32:32,825 --> 00:32:34,494
[laughs]

728
00:32:34,577 --> 00:32:37,497
But it can be useful,
we can put stuff in there.

729
00:32:37,580 --> 00:32:44,379
[audience applauding]

730
00:32:44,462 --> 00:32:45,964
What I find funny

731
00:32:46,047 --> 00:32:48,549
is our body laughs at us.

732
00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:50,760
We do so many things to it, we complain,

733
00:32:50,843 --> 00:32:52,845
we throw so much shit at it.

734
00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:55,598
[in high voice] So much squeezing,
so much suffering.

735
00:32:56,099 --> 00:32:59,227
[chuckling] Fuck,
girdles are living proof.

736
00:33:00,812 --> 00:33:04,065
There's nothing more ironic
than our aging body,

737
00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:05,817
because we can do anything,

738
00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:09,195
we can do everything
to gain a few years of youth,

739
00:33:09,278 --> 00:33:11,823
but our body will age
no matter what, right?

740
00:33:11,906 --> 00:33:13,992
And we've been aging since forever.

741
00:33:14,075 --> 00:33:18,830
The funniest thing for me is the moment
we became aware of our body

742
00:33:18,913 --> 00:33:21,332
and started feeling
insecurities and securities.

743
00:33:21,833 --> 00:33:26,087
The stage of adolescence, preadolescence,
when we were in puberty, right?

744
00:33:26,170 --> 00:33:28,339
This stage hits men particularly hard.

745
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,759
Because they're ugly
at that age, damn it, ugly.

746
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:35,722
With big noses, kind of weird,
with a big head and a small body.

747
00:33:35,805 --> 00:33:37,098
[laughs]

748
00:33:37,598 --> 00:33:41,853
Right? And all men at that age
wished they had…

749
00:33:41,936 --> 00:33:44,147
Because they had that budding mustache…

750
00:33:44,230 --> 00:33:48,901
That masculine mustache they wanted,
that thick beard, those thick sideburns,

751
00:33:48,985 --> 00:33:51,738
that broad back, those masculine arms,

752
00:33:51,821 --> 00:33:55,783
those masculine legs, that chest hair…

753
00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:58,536
What men wanted to have,
who gets it over the years?

754
00:33:59,370 --> 00:34:01,205
[laughs]

755
00:34:01,289 --> 00:34:02,707
Us women! [chuckles]

756
00:34:03,583 --> 00:34:05,543
Aging is ironic,

757
00:34:05,626 --> 00:34:10,173
for women at that age, we wanted to grow…

758
00:34:10,256 --> 00:34:13,926
That's why we stuffed cotton,
our father's socks, anything to…

759
00:34:14,010 --> 00:34:16,304
-[light chuckles]
-Most of us, right?

760
00:34:16,387 --> 00:34:20,224
Of course, there are more evolved women
who wanted books, but I wanted boobs.

761
00:34:20,308 --> 00:34:22,310
[chuckles]

762
00:34:23,227 --> 00:34:25,938
And the funny thing is
those boobs we wanted,

763
00:34:26,022 --> 00:34:30,777
perky, round, beautiful,
who gets them as years go by?

764
00:34:31,611 --> 00:34:33,988
[laughs]

765
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:36,616
There are no better-looking boobs

766
00:34:36,699 --> 00:34:38,785
that those of a 62-year-old man or older.

767
00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:41,788
-They're such… a beautiful thing.
-[laughs and applause]

768
00:34:41,871 --> 00:34:43,039
Beautiful.

769
00:34:43,539 --> 00:34:47,502
[audience applauding]

770
00:34:47,585 --> 00:34:51,964
They're perky, round, that lovely nipple.

771
00:34:52,048 --> 00:34:56,594
They're cute, like newborn boobs.
They're brand new. So cool.

772
00:34:56,677 --> 00:34:58,304
[audience laughing]

773
00:34:59,013 --> 00:35:02,642
[chuckles] We're standard people,
spot in the middle for many things.

774
00:35:02,725 --> 00:35:05,937
But we also live in denial,
we feel like misfits.

775
00:35:06,020 --> 00:35:10,066
We're always buying into
those universal truths, those phrases,

776
00:35:10,149 --> 00:35:13,069
[mocking] "Excel yourself, you can do it,
you're amazing, wonderful."

777
00:35:13,152 --> 00:35:16,322
"Who deserves you? No one.
It's not loneliness, it's knowledge."

778
00:35:16,405 --> 00:35:17,406
[light chuckles]

779
00:35:17,490 --> 00:35:20,243
[whimpering] I don't want
to get to know myself anymore.

780
00:35:20,326 --> 00:35:21,327
[laughs]

781
00:35:22,995 --> 00:35:23,996
We're in the middle.

782
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,250
And in this extreme, there's always
someone who makes a mistake,

783
00:35:27,333 --> 00:35:29,502
and from that mistake, an opportunity.

784
00:35:29,585 --> 00:35:32,213
From that mistake, a tattoo, "resilience."

785
00:35:32,296 --> 00:35:34,465
And from that mistake,
a book, a conference.

786
00:35:34,549 --> 00:35:37,176
"For I made that mistake once
and learned a lesson,

787
00:35:37,260 --> 00:35:40,847
the lesson that took me
one step higher in the world of success."

788
00:35:40,930 --> 00:35:41,973
[chuckles]

789
00:35:42,056 --> 00:35:44,183
People from that extreme, right?

790
00:35:44,267 --> 00:35:46,727
And the other extreme,
those who make a mistake,

791
00:35:46,811 --> 00:35:50,189
"I can't overcome it because
I was going to be a soccer player."

792
00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:54,861
"I was good at school,
the principal screwed me."

793
00:35:54,944 --> 00:35:56,154
[chuckles]

794
00:35:56,237 --> 00:35:58,906
And when it comes to mistakes,
us in the middle.

795
00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:02,076
Us in the middle, the 3.1s, the O+.

796
00:36:02,577 --> 00:36:03,786
[chuckles]

797
00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:05,746
We make a mistake, and what do we do?

798
00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:07,957
We do it again.

799
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:09,000
[laughs]

800
00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:12,086
-Once, twice, we make that mistake.
-[applause]

801
00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:15,298
[audience applauding]

802
00:36:17,216 --> 00:36:19,594
As many times as necessary
until we wear it out.

803
00:36:19,677 --> 00:36:22,180
[in high voice] "Stop calling, bitch."
You make those mistakes.

804
00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:24,056
[chuckles]

805
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:26,726
And there's love,
the concepts of extremes.

806
00:36:26,809 --> 00:36:28,311
There's classical love, right?

807
00:36:28,394 --> 00:36:32,231
The love of a stage play
that expresses in the most romantic way

808
00:36:32,315 --> 00:36:35,067
[mocking] visceral love
between two young lovebirds.

809
00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:39,405
Romantic love, written by Shakespeare,
Romeo and Juliet.

810
00:36:40,323 --> 00:36:42,658
If you didn't read it, neither did I,
but here's a summary.

811
00:36:42,742 --> 00:36:44,785
-[laughs]
-It's like, "Juliet…

812
00:36:45,953 --> 00:36:47,288
I saw you on a balcony."

813
00:36:48,247 --> 00:36:49,081
"I love you."

814
00:36:49,165 --> 00:36:50,166
[light chuckles]

815
00:36:50,249 --> 00:36:54,212
"I don't know you as a person,
what your feelings or values are."

816
00:36:54,295 --> 00:36:58,132
"I don't know shit about you, but I choose
to love you 'cause you're pretty."

817
00:36:58,216 --> 00:36:59,884
"Juliet, I love you so much,

818
00:36:59,967 --> 00:37:03,804
our families can kill each other,
they can stab my mom, who cares?"

819
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:06,933
-[laughs]
-"For I love you though I don't know you."

820
00:37:07,016 --> 00:37:09,143
"If I go bankrupt, will you give me cash?"

821
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:12,104
"If I fall ill, will you clean my butt?
I love you."

822
00:37:12,188 --> 00:37:16,275
"And if they don't let us love each other,
we'll kill ourselves, Juliet!"

823
00:37:16,359 --> 00:37:17,985
[audience laughing]

824
00:37:18,069 --> 00:37:19,862
It's romantic, visceral love.

825
00:37:20,988 --> 00:37:22,240
Classical love, right?

826
00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:27,828
And on the other end
is modern love, mindful love,

827
00:37:27,912 --> 00:37:30,122
the love of two thinking beings

828
00:37:30,206 --> 00:37:34,669
[mocking] that from their individuality
decide to share a path with each other.

829
00:37:36,003 --> 00:37:39,840
People you ask, "Do you still
have that feeling for him?"

830
00:37:40,341 --> 00:37:41,175
"Look…"

831
00:37:41,801 --> 00:37:43,594
[laughs]

832
00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:46,931
"I'm reading
a neuropsychiatric sociologist…"

833
00:37:47,014 --> 00:37:49,100
[laughs]

834
00:37:49,183 --> 00:37:50,768
-"She's German."
-[laughs]

835
00:37:50,851 --> 00:37:55,064
[chuckles] "She explains
whenever you feel 'butterflies,'

836
00:37:56,232 --> 00:37:57,566
it's actually anxiety."

837
00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:00,903
"That true love makes you feel peace."

838
00:38:00,987 --> 00:38:05,074
"I mean, to answer your question,
he doesn't disturb my peace."

839
00:38:05,157 --> 00:38:07,159
What kind of shitty love is that?

840
00:38:07,243 --> 00:38:09,620
A fucking pensioner boring love.

841
00:38:09,704 --> 00:38:11,747
-A love that was born retired…
-[laughs]

842
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:14,292
…that has always kissed
like a married couple.

843
00:38:14,375 --> 00:38:16,419
A love without risk of contagion.

844
00:38:16,502 --> 00:38:18,379
-[laughs]
-That…

845
00:38:19,255 --> 00:38:22,258
The best part of love
for us people in the middle…

846
00:38:22,341 --> 00:38:24,593
[laughs]

847
00:38:24,677 --> 00:38:28,097
…is that jumpy love,
anxious, that makes you feel, "Damn!"

848
00:38:28,180 --> 00:38:32,226
Love that makes you skinny,
that makes you a worse person, a liar.

849
00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:35,896
That makes you come back from work early
to suck love out of that mouth.

850
00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:37,189
[laughs]

851
00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:38,733
Juicy love is toxic.

852
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,026
[chuckles]

853
00:38:40,109 --> 00:38:40,985
Right?

854
00:38:41,485 --> 00:38:44,405
Most love relationships
we idolize and say,

855
00:38:44,488 --> 00:38:47,616
"That's a nice relationship,
it lasted a lifetime,"

856
00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:50,870
isn't people who've loved each other
constantly all their lives.

857
00:38:50,953 --> 00:38:53,914
Those [mocking] "we've been married
80 years" relationships.

858
00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:55,082
[chuckles]

859
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:58,461
How many screw-ups have they overcome?

860
00:38:58,544 --> 00:39:00,421
Because I believe that true love,

861
00:39:00,504 --> 00:39:02,089
and I've even done research,

862
00:39:02,173 --> 00:39:03,299
is between two people…

863
00:39:03,382 --> 00:39:06,135
I hope it's two, I mean it,
from the bottom of my heart.

864
00:39:06,218 --> 00:39:08,637
[laughs]

865
00:39:09,221 --> 00:39:12,141
One of those two
was always the one who fell in love first,

866
00:39:12,641 --> 00:39:14,268
was more in love than the other,

867
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:17,271
with nice gestures for the other,
codependent of the other,

868
00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:19,482
did things the other
won't do on their own,

869
00:39:20,608 --> 00:39:23,861
until they convinced the other
loving one another was a good idea.

870
00:39:23,944 --> 00:39:27,156
-[laughs]
-Then the other one fell in love.

871
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,618
Once they've fallen in love,
it starts rotating, your turn, my turn.

872
00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:32,119
-[laughs]
-Right?

873
00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:35,498
"I love you." "I don't love you
this month. You love me."

874
00:39:35,581 --> 00:39:38,876
Ping-pong. Ping-pong, bam!
"Asshole!" "I love you." "Asshole."

875
00:39:38,959 --> 00:39:39,960
[laughs]

876
00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,879
It kind of comes and goes, it's…

877
00:39:41,962 --> 00:39:46,050
[audience applauding]

878
00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:50,679
No one says this because we all want
a cute version of love,

879
00:39:50,763 --> 00:39:52,681
a romantic version of love,

880
00:39:52,765 --> 00:39:55,935
a version we are proud
to talk about and flaunt.

881
00:39:56,018 --> 00:39:58,729
We all want love to be
like floating on a cloud,

882
00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:00,815
like the movies we grew up with,

883
00:40:00,898 --> 00:40:01,857
like a…

884
00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:06,821
[tinkling music playing]

885
00:40:06,904 --> 00:40:09,824
-[vocalizing]
-[birds chirping]

886
00:40:09,907 --> 00:40:15,079
-[laughs]
-[singing] ♪ Good morning, beloved ♪

887
00:40:15,663 --> 00:40:19,875
♪ Wake up, sweetie. The sun is up ♪

888
00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:22,795
[vocalizing and chuckling]

889
00:40:22,878 --> 00:40:23,754
[clearing throat]

890
00:40:24,922 --> 00:40:26,882
♪ I'm lying, go back to sleep, love ♪

891
00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:33,931
♪ I'll pick up some of the mess
We left with our passion ♪

892
00:40:34,014 --> 00:40:36,684
♪ Oh, my God, what is this? ♪

893
00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:40,020
♪ Oh! These are my loved one's
dirty boxer shorts" ♪

894
00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:42,773
-[sniffs] Oh!
-[laughs]

895
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:45,526
-[continues vocalizing]
-[applause]

896
00:40:45,609 --> 00:40:52,575
♪ I dreamed with a kiss of love ♪

897
00:40:53,576 --> 00:40:58,914
-♪ And of a prince giving it to me… ♪
-[laughs]

898
00:40:58,998 --> 00:41:01,917
♪ In a stable and lasting relationship ♪

899
00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:05,880
♪ Because I didn't put out ♪

900
00:41:05,963 --> 00:41:10,843
-♪ Until we had dated for a month… ♪
-[laughs]

901
00:41:10,926 --> 00:41:12,094
[continues vocalizing]

902
00:41:13,554 --> 00:41:15,681
[applause]

903
00:41:15,764 --> 00:41:22,146
[audience continues applauding]

904
00:41:22,229 --> 00:41:25,316
It's most likely it won't happen that way.

905
00:41:25,399 --> 00:41:26,567
[audience laughing]

906
00:41:26,650 --> 00:41:29,278
And I'm not being negative. [chuckling]

907
00:41:29,987 --> 00:41:33,365
We spend a lot of time
looking at other relationships.

908
00:41:33,449 --> 00:41:37,161
And most of the things we compare
ourselves with are unfair to us.

909
00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:40,831
Because people on this end
aren't to blame for being on this end.

910
00:41:40,915 --> 00:41:43,542
For some things
they don't tell us about, like genes.

911
00:41:44,043 --> 00:41:46,003
We have different genetics.

912
00:41:46,086 --> 00:41:48,422
His family and mine
come from different places.

913
00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:53,010
I'm from the Andes, man.
I have an Indigenous ancestry, right?

914
00:41:53,093 --> 00:41:56,639
Muisca, Aztec, Inca, Taíno, Motilon.

915
00:41:56,722 --> 00:41:58,599
[laughs]

916
00:41:58,682 --> 00:42:02,019
Who had to climb up and down
these mountains.

917
00:42:02,102 --> 00:42:04,021
That's why Latin girls have big asses.

918
00:42:04,980 --> 00:42:08,442
And we have short legs, 'cause when you
walk a lot, they grow no more.

919
00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:09,985
[laughs]

920
00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:12,530
Everything's inherited,
it has an origin, right?

921
00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:15,991
We should be fairer about whom
we face and judge ourselves against.

922
00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:19,703
And I think sometimes
other people's pictures

923
00:42:19,787 --> 00:42:22,873
make us have doubts about ourselves,
right?

924
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:25,709
And behind a picture,
for example, of a woman.

925
00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:27,545
A mom you'd say,

926
00:42:27,628 --> 00:42:30,297
"She has teenage daughters,

927
00:42:30,381 --> 00:42:33,425
and a little boy,
and she has a rich husband who loves her."

928
00:42:33,926 --> 00:42:36,887
"How does she do it?"
You're there, "How does she do it?"

929
00:42:36,971 --> 00:42:37,972
[light chuckles]

930
00:42:38,055 --> 00:42:40,391
I believe behind that picture
there's a story.

931
00:42:40,474 --> 00:42:43,060
For I know the stories behind my pictures.

932
00:42:43,811 --> 00:42:46,564
And I like to think
that behind that happy picture

933
00:42:47,064 --> 00:42:49,567
there may be a…

934
00:42:51,527 --> 00:42:52,403
"Andrea! Camila!"

935
00:42:53,362 --> 00:42:54,780
"Come here! What happened?"

936
00:42:54,863 --> 00:42:56,740
"I'm waiting for you. Where are you?"

937
00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:58,576
"Are you dressed?"

938
00:42:59,076 --> 00:43:02,746
"What is that shit? Take it off!
Are you doing a casting for OnlyFans?"

939
00:43:02,830 --> 00:43:05,666
"What's that shit on your hair?
You look like a troll."

940
00:43:05,749 --> 00:43:09,169
"Green hair? You're Latin!
No one's born with hair like that."

941
00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:12,006
"Grow up! Grow up, idiot!
You're old enough."

942
00:43:12,089 --> 00:43:13,257
"Come here right now!"

943
00:43:16,176 --> 00:43:17,011
"Jaime."

944
00:43:17,511 --> 00:43:18,554
"And Daniel?"

945
00:43:18,637 --> 00:43:21,473
[screams] "Drop that fucking console!"

946
00:43:21,557 --> 00:43:22,474
"You're the dad!"

947
00:43:22,558 --> 00:43:26,604
"You were supposed to help me
with the boy, not sit and play FIFA!"

948
00:43:26,687 --> 00:43:29,315
"You were bad playing soccer
and you're bad at FIFA!"

949
00:43:29,398 --> 00:43:34,194
"I'm glad the game's Argentine referees
insult you for being an idiot!"

950
00:43:34,278 --> 00:43:37,072
[laughs]

951
00:43:37,156 --> 00:43:41,285
"I'm awake since 4:00 a.m. 4:00 a.m."

952
00:43:41,368 --> 00:43:43,996
"I did yoga, wrote my gratitude journal,

953
00:43:44,496 --> 00:43:45,414
my decrees."

954
00:43:46,206 --> 00:43:47,166
"Everything, shit!"

955
00:43:47,249 --> 00:43:49,835
"Four different breakfasts
'cause the girl's vegan."

956
00:43:49,918 --> 00:43:52,421
"Vegan! And she eats chicken,
beef, and sausages!"

957
00:43:52,504 --> 00:43:56,091
"That shit has dead animals! Being vegan
is not killing animals, idiot!"

958
00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:58,594
"The man is lactose intolerant."

959
00:43:58,677 --> 00:44:00,137
"Now, right? At home, right?"

960
00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:03,682
"For, in the street I've seen you
eat pizza, double-cheese burger."

961
00:44:03,766 --> 00:44:05,142
"It has lactose in it!"

962
00:44:06,143 --> 00:44:08,812
"I went back 15 years
in women's social evolution

963
00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:11,315
because of you four bastards!"

964
00:44:11,398 --> 00:44:13,817
[laughs]

965
00:44:13,901 --> 00:44:18,072
"And I can't have a family picture
on my fucking 35th birthday?"

966
00:44:18,155 --> 00:44:19,281
[chuckles]

967
00:44:19,365 --> 00:44:20,324
"Come here now!"

968
00:44:21,992 --> 00:44:22,910
"Smile, you idiot,

969
00:44:22,993 --> 00:44:26,246
we couldn't afford a trip to Cartagena
thanks to those invisible braces."

970
00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:28,374
[laughs]

971
00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:35,422
[audience applauding and cheering]

972
00:44:37,424 --> 00:44:39,510
"My family, my greatest blessing."

973
00:44:39,593 --> 00:44:42,096
[laughs]

974
00:44:43,222 --> 00:44:46,308
You never know how hungry others are.

975
00:44:46,392 --> 00:44:48,018
You never know how others are.

976
00:44:48,977 --> 00:44:51,063
[chuckling] You never know, right?

977
00:44:52,231 --> 00:44:55,984
For although we grew up
and are now "adultescents,"

978
00:44:56,068 --> 00:44:59,446
what identifies my generation
is that we miss our mothers.

979
00:44:59,947 --> 00:45:01,782
Now that I'm a mom, I understand.

980
00:45:01,865 --> 00:45:04,451
When you're young,
you're always on that extreme,

981
00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:07,329
saying, "Look, Mom,
don't interfere in my life."

982
00:45:08,247 --> 00:45:11,083
"You don't get to decide for me,
I know what I'm doing."

983
00:45:11,166 --> 00:45:14,294
"Don't interfere with my decisions,
respect my personal space."

984
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,839
And you grow up, and you have a child,

985
00:45:17,423 --> 00:45:21,051
"Mom, please, Mommy, [breathing heavily]

986
00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:23,220
I… I don't know what to do with my life."

987
00:45:23,721 --> 00:45:27,433
"Tell me… Tell me,
I don't know what to do."

988
00:45:27,516 --> 00:45:29,727
"Mommy, the hell with personal space."

989
00:45:29,810 --> 00:45:31,061
"Come live with me."

990
00:45:31,145 --> 00:45:33,230
[laughs]

991
00:45:33,313 --> 00:45:36,567
And most adults in my generation
want a substitute mom.

992
00:45:36,650 --> 00:45:39,153
We all feel we need a few years more.

993
00:45:39,653 --> 00:45:41,905
That's why we buy a watch
that's like a mom.

994
00:45:41,989 --> 00:45:45,200
[in high voice] "Breathe, sleep, wake up."

995
00:45:45,284 --> 00:45:47,202
"Sit straight, you'll grow a hump."

996
00:45:47,286 --> 00:45:48,120
You're there…

997
00:45:48,203 --> 00:45:49,913
[chuckles]

998
00:45:49,997 --> 00:45:51,623
And we are raised repeatedly.

999
00:45:51,707 --> 00:45:54,334
And you are not only raised
by your family or school,

1000
00:45:54,418 --> 00:45:57,087
you are raised by your tastes,
everything you consume.

1001
00:45:57,171 --> 00:46:00,090
Everything shapes us, [chuckling]
we should be careful what we consume.

1002
00:46:00,174 --> 00:46:01,341
We should be selective.

1003
00:46:01,425 --> 00:46:03,135
We are raised by our friends,

1004
00:46:03,218 --> 00:46:07,347
the transcendental conversations
we had on a sidewalk at 4:00 a.m.

1005
00:46:07,431 --> 00:46:09,892
[chuckling] Lots of things raise us,
right?

1006
00:46:09,975 --> 00:46:12,811
We're raised by the people
we've been with and we let go.

1007
00:46:12,895 --> 00:46:14,563
People who let us go raised us.

1008
00:46:14,646 --> 00:46:16,815
"Thanks. God reward you
for not wanting me."

1009
00:46:16,899 --> 00:46:18,484
[chuckles]

1010
00:46:18,567 --> 00:46:20,486
And we're raised by our tastes.

1011
00:46:20,569 --> 00:46:23,030
And movies always have
underlying messages.

1012
00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:25,324
And I like the role women have today,

1013
00:46:25,407 --> 00:46:28,076
strong women characters,
etcetera, etcetera.

1014
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:29,912
What I don't like is it's the same.

1015
00:46:29,995 --> 00:46:34,166
So, for women to shine,
they put an asshole co-protagonist.

1016
00:46:34,249 --> 00:46:35,626
[laughs]

1017
00:46:36,502 --> 00:46:40,422
There are female characters
that have shaped us, at least shaped me

1018
00:46:40,506 --> 00:46:41,507
and many people.

1019
00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:44,009
And I don't like how they've handled them

1020
00:46:44,092 --> 00:46:46,720
because I feel they give us
the wrong message, right?

1021
00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:51,058
One of them is Hermione Granger
from the Harry Potter saga.

1022
00:46:51,141 --> 00:46:53,268
To me, the coolest in the saga.

1023
00:46:53,352 --> 00:46:55,687
It should be called
the Hermione Granger saga.

1024
00:46:55,771 --> 00:46:57,439
-[audience chuckling]
-Why?

1025
00:46:57,523 --> 00:47:01,944
Simply because without her, there would be
no Harry Potter, only half a book.

1026
00:47:02,444 --> 00:47:06,490
He wouldn't have survived without her.
It's not feminism talking, it's for real.

1027
00:47:06,573 --> 00:47:08,408
The girl was the coolest of all.

1028
00:47:08,492 --> 00:47:11,203
And she represents
us know-it-all girls with bad hair

1029
00:47:11,286 --> 00:47:13,247
and that are rejected.

1030
00:47:13,330 --> 00:47:14,623
[laughs]

1031
00:47:14,706 --> 00:47:18,168
And I loved that character,
she's a woman that empowers us.

1032
00:47:18,252 --> 00:47:20,879
And we think, "Hermione's so cool."
"I'm Hermione."

1033
00:47:20,963 --> 00:47:22,589
You get that pleated skirt.

1034
00:47:22,673 --> 00:47:25,217
"I dress up as Hermione
at my 35 years of age."

1035
00:47:25,300 --> 00:47:28,178
-"I don't care, I admire her." [chuckles]
-[laughs]

1036
00:47:28,262 --> 00:47:31,723
And the final scene they show us
in Hermione films, which is it?

1037
00:47:32,724 --> 00:47:36,603
It's the subtitle, the subtext,
the toxic message, hidden.

1038
00:47:37,104 --> 00:47:39,982
Hermione taking her kids
to the school bus,

1039
00:47:40,691 --> 00:47:42,401
with her husband, who's fat…

1040
00:47:42,901 --> 00:47:44,319
[laughs]

1041
00:47:44,403 --> 00:47:45,320
And it's Ron!

1042
00:47:45,821 --> 00:47:46,655
[laughs]

1043
00:47:46,738 --> 00:47:48,282
She married Ron.

1044
00:47:48,365 --> 00:47:49,950
The subtext, she fucked up.

1045
00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:51,368
[laughs]

1046
00:47:51,451 --> 00:47:56,540
Hermione, fucked up, messed up hair,
bags under her eyes, wearing an old skirt.

1047
00:47:56,623 --> 00:47:58,876
As if to say,
"Who told the girl to marry?"

1048
00:47:58,959 --> 00:48:01,545
She fucked up,
she screwed up her career as a witch.

1049
00:48:01,628 --> 00:48:02,796
[laughs]

1050
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,465
That's the punishment society gives women.

1051
00:48:05,549 --> 00:48:09,052
If we choose to have kids, the message is,
[mocking] "She was bound to screw up."

1052
00:48:09,136 --> 00:48:11,388
"What's she gonna do now? Tell me."

1053
00:48:11,471 --> 00:48:13,849
That's wrong, just wrong.

1054
00:48:13,932 --> 00:48:16,685
We have female characters
that inspire us and they screw them.

1055
00:48:16,768 --> 00:48:20,606
For instance, Daenerys Targaryen,
from Game of Thrones.

1056
00:48:20,689 --> 00:48:23,025
Doesn't matter if you didn't watch it.

1057
00:48:23,108 --> 00:48:27,446
It's a series about intrigues,
injustice, discord, dirty business.

1058
00:48:27,529 --> 00:48:28,488
You can kind of…

1059
00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,991
watch any Latin American newscast,
that's it.

1060
00:48:31,074 --> 00:48:31,909
[audience laughing]

1061
00:48:31,992 --> 00:48:34,411
They dub them in Latin Spanish,
which is Mexican.

1062
00:48:34,494 --> 00:48:38,123
They really screwed this one up.
Should've been dubbed in Cali, Colombia.

1063
00:48:38,206 --> 00:48:39,166
[laughs]

1064
00:48:39,249 --> 00:48:41,418
The girl is called Daenerys Targaryen.

1065
00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:42,544
[laughs]

1066
00:48:42,628 --> 00:48:45,047
"Who am I? What do they call me?
What's my name?"

1067
00:48:45,130 --> 00:48:46,089
[laughs]

1068
00:48:46,173 --> 00:48:49,092
"The queen of fire, you know?
The queen of first men."

1069
00:48:49,176 --> 00:48:50,761
"I don't burn, I am fire."

1070
00:48:50,844 --> 00:48:53,764
Right? I mean, it would've been cooler.

1071
00:48:53,847 --> 00:48:56,183
-[laughs]
-[Liss chuckles]

1072
00:48:56,683 --> 00:48:59,895
And this woman is the main character
in the series, in the saga.

1073
00:48:59,978 --> 00:49:01,396
And what's the problem?

1074
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:05,233
She's an innate leader, a strong woman,
powerful, indestructible.

1075
00:49:05,317 --> 00:49:07,361
But what we want to focus on the series

1076
00:49:07,444 --> 00:49:10,781
is who she's gonna choose
as her romantic interest.

1077
00:49:12,407 --> 00:49:15,202
And she has lots of options.
That's the problem.

1078
00:49:15,285 --> 00:49:16,411
[light chuckles]

1079
00:49:16,495 --> 00:49:17,496
Such a huge problem.

1080
00:49:17,579 --> 00:49:18,413
[chuckles]

1081
00:49:18,497 --> 00:49:20,874
First man, an arranged marriage.

1082
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:25,963
With a man that,
if that's the case, we don't mind.

1083
00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:29,967
I mean, "Dad, Mom, seal the deal.
Let's negotiate this now."

1084
00:49:30,050 --> 00:49:31,385
[laughs]

1085
00:49:32,219 --> 00:49:33,053
Right?

1086
00:49:33,136 --> 00:49:35,722
"Shit, they married me to Khal Drogo."

1087
00:49:35,806 --> 00:49:38,892
She became a widow at 16,
loaded with cash.

1088
00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:41,395
Explain it to whoever doesn't know.

1089
00:49:41,979 --> 00:49:43,647
Second man, 'cause she has a few.

1090
00:49:43,730 --> 00:49:47,985
A hit man that makes her troubles go away,
brings her the heads of her enemies.

1091
00:49:48,068 --> 00:49:50,195
"Your body, take it." And she takes it.

1092
00:49:50,696 --> 00:49:54,616
But she's empowered, gets bored.
"Bye, good luck, too much passion for me."

1093
00:49:54,700 --> 00:49:55,575
[chuckles]

1094
00:49:55,659 --> 00:49:58,245
Third option, an old man.

1095
00:49:58,328 --> 00:49:59,705
And not a nasty old geezer

1096
00:49:59,788 --> 00:50:03,375
like the neighbor with a store
who you gave the coins and did like this.

1097
00:50:03,458 --> 00:50:06,003
[loud laughs]

1098
00:50:06,086 --> 00:50:10,799
[audience applauding]

1099
00:50:10,882 --> 00:50:12,092
[chuckling] Grinch.

1100
00:50:12,801 --> 00:50:15,595
A cool old man who's hot and loves her.

1101
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:18,890
Third man, a man one should choose.

1102
00:50:19,766 --> 00:50:23,353
With our heads, hearts, and gut.
A cool guy, who loves and empowers her.

1103
00:50:23,437 --> 00:50:26,898
He doesn't compete with her,
isn't mad if she has more power or wins.

1104
00:50:26,982 --> 00:50:31,695
A guy who loves her, who's funny,
that reads, who's fun, but…

1105
00:50:31,778 --> 00:50:33,697
"The guy's too short, isn't he?"

1106
00:50:33,780 --> 00:50:34,823
[chuckles]

1107
00:50:34,906 --> 00:50:37,367
"His hands are small.
If he cups my boob, it feels strange."

1108
00:50:37,451 --> 00:50:39,494
-Ugh. That's how we are.
-[laughs]

1109
00:50:41,121 --> 00:50:42,748
And last option, Jon Snow.

1110
00:50:42,831 --> 00:50:45,709
And we like him and all, but he's dumb.

1111
00:50:46,209 --> 00:50:47,961
He switches ideology every 15 days.

1112
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:49,880
[mocking] "Oh, I'm the son
of whatshisname."

1113
00:50:49,963 --> 00:50:52,632
"Oh, I'm not his son, right?
So, now I'm a monk."

1114
00:50:52,716 --> 00:50:55,385
"I fucked a wildling, now I'm a wildling."

1115
00:50:55,469 --> 00:50:57,345
A guy that keeps changing his mind.

1116
00:50:57,429 --> 00:51:01,975
If you haven't watched it, you've a cousin
who hooked up with a guy like that.

1117
00:51:02,559 --> 00:51:05,020
And the message here
is you can achieve anything,

1118
00:51:05,103 --> 00:51:07,647
but what matters the most
is who you end up with.

1119
00:51:07,731 --> 00:51:09,733
[whispering] Who, by the way, kills you.

1120
00:51:10,859 --> 00:51:14,738
And my last woman,
such a badass woman, Black Widow.

1121
00:51:14,821 --> 00:51:17,574
If you don't know who she is,
she's a woman we all know.

1122
00:51:17,657 --> 00:51:19,367
A badass woman.

1123
00:51:19,451 --> 00:51:23,080
She's got a shitty, dark past,
but she said, "I'll leave this behind."

1124
00:51:23,163 --> 00:51:25,540
And she managed to get
to the top of her career.

1125
00:51:25,624 --> 00:51:27,209
She said, "I'll make it big."

1126
00:51:27,292 --> 00:51:30,003
And how? Without superpowers
in a world of superheroes.

1127
00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:33,381
She made it with kicks,
punches, and street smarts.

1128
00:51:33,465 --> 00:51:35,383
That girl is street smart, period.

1129
00:51:35,467 --> 00:51:36,676
[audience laughing]

1130
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,596
And as most of the women they show to us,

1131
00:51:39,679 --> 00:51:42,182
if you have a great career,
you have a shitty life.

1132
00:51:42,265 --> 00:51:44,351
She doesn't have a life, not even a home.

1133
00:51:44,434 --> 00:51:47,521
It's been 14 movies
and we've never seen her in her apartment.

1134
00:51:47,604 --> 00:51:48,605
[laughs]

1135
00:51:48,688 --> 00:51:50,899
Always in the office
or someone else's place.

1136
00:51:50,982 --> 00:51:53,276
"Hi, I'm Aunt Natalia,
do you have any soup?"

1137
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,029
[laughs]

1138
00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:57,447
It's unfair.

1139
00:51:58,240 --> 00:52:01,451
It's like if you fulfill your potential,
you'll end up alone.

1140
00:52:01,535 --> 00:52:04,746
You'll die and there'll be no one
to bury you at your funeral.

1141
00:52:05,789 --> 00:52:06,623
Nothing.

1142
00:52:07,124 --> 00:52:09,626
You'll have to eat
whatever there is in the office,

1143
00:52:10,127 --> 00:52:12,254
for food and for food for the soul.

1144
00:52:12,337 --> 00:52:13,421
[chuckles]

1145
00:52:13,505 --> 00:52:16,466
"So, who's single around here?"
Number one, Captain America.

1146
00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:18,343
Yes, I know, the actor…

1147
00:52:18,426 --> 00:52:20,554
That meat on the grill sound… [sucking]

1148
00:52:20,637 --> 00:52:22,389
-[laughs]
-Kinky woman.

1149
00:52:22,472 --> 00:52:24,683
Yes, the actor, but not the character.

1150
00:52:24,766 --> 00:52:27,561
The character,
if you look closely, is a boring guy.

1151
00:52:27,644 --> 00:52:29,771
He doesn't swear, he can do no wrong.

1152
00:52:29,855 --> 00:52:32,023
He's all good, clean, wears gel.

1153
00:52:32,107 --> 00:52:33,859
He's… He's… He's…

1154
00:52:34,860 --> 00:52:36,903
He's kind of too clean.

1155
00:52:36,987 --> 00:52:41,199
He's like a physical trainer,
but Mormon, but who doesn't…

1156
00:52:41,283 --> 00:52:43,827
I don't know, he's too good.

1157
00:52:43,910 --> 00:52:44,744
Suspicious!

1158
00:52:44,828 --> 00:52:46,329
We're Latin Americans.

1159
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:48,999
We were taught not to trust
whatever is too easy.

1160
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:53,420
When something is too easy,
you think, "I'll go to jail." That's it.

1161
00:52:53,503 --> 00:52:54,880
[laughs]

1162
00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:59,426
So, a guy who's too good, too…
He's even toxic, think about it.

1163
00:52:59,509 --> 00:53:02,512
A chick smiled at him
80 years ago and he can't get over her.

1164
00:53:02,596 --> 00:53:03,430
[chuckles]

1165
00:53:03,513 --> 00:53:05,849
She didn't say anything,
only, "Let's dance."

1166
00:53:05,932 --> 00:53:07,100
They didn't even dance.

1167
00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:08,226
[light chuckles]

1168
00:53:08,310 --> 00:53:11,605
And the other option
the Black Widow has is Hulk.

1169
00:53:12,314 --> 00:53:14,482
If you didn't watch the movie,
we all have a cousin

1170
00:53:14,566 --> 00:53:17,402
-that's with a guy like that. A toxic guy.
-[chuckles]

1171
00:53:17,485 --> 00:53:21,281
He disappears for days, years.
Comes back. She has to go find him.

1172
00:53:21,364 --> 00:53:23,700
-[mocking] "Oh, come on, relax."
-[chuckles]

1173
00:53:23,783 --> 00:53:28,580
And the guy even hit her in the face,
he was green, so we didn't say anything.

1174
00:53:28,663 --> 00:53:31,958
"That's normal.
Doesn't count 'cause he was green."

1175
00:53:32,834 --> 00:53:34,002
He hit her in the face.

1176
00:53:35,503 --> 00:53:39,341
Because deep inside,
when we see a guy like that,

1177
00:53:39,424 --> 00:53:44,221
all women have a thought,
and it's that filthy inner thing we deny.

1178
00:53:45,138 --> 00:53:50,060
The fantasy 99.9% of women have,
which even now none knew about.

1179
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:52,103
And it's a man of that size.

1180
00:53:52,896 --> 00:53:53,980
[laughs]

1181
00:53:54,064 --> 00:53:56,900
"He can carry me,
he'll make me feel thin, malleable."

1182
00:53:56,983 --> 00:53:59,736
[laughs]

1183
00:53:59,819 --> 00:54:01,029
It's a perversion.

1184
00:54:01,529 --> 00:54:04,741
But he'll be useless,
if he gets mad, he'll squash you.

1185
00:54:04,824 --> 00:54:05,700
"Squash. Squash."

1186
00:54:05,784 --> 00:54:07,118
[laughs]

1187
00:54:07,619 --> 00:54:11,331
And the message is, "You can make it
in your career, but you'll die alone."

1188
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:14,000
What kind of shitty messages are those?

1189
00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:16,544
Never seen a woman
with a family and successful.

1190
00:54:16,628 --> 00:54:18,630
I've never seen a pregnant superheroine

1191
00:54:18,713 --> 00:54:21,591
or breastfeeding her child
while she fights evil.

1192
00:54:23,051 --> 00:54:26,930
And that's what we do, we tell people
there are only two extremes.

1193
00:54:27,013 --> 00:54:30,642
That if you're in the middle, with your
normal decisions, you screwed up.

1194
00:54:32,143 --> 00:54:32,978
Right?

1195
00:54:33,728 --> 00:54:37,357
And sometimes you need to screw up.
If that's screwing up, it's great.

1196
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:38,566
[audience chuckling]

1197
00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:39,985
Right? Because…

1198
00:54:40,068 --> 00:54:45,907
[audience applauding]

1199
00:54:46,491 --> 00:54:48,410
Because we talk a lot about balance.

1200
00:54:48,493 --> 00:54:50,787
We talk a lot about inner peace.

1201
00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:54,499
We talk a lot about many things
that don't adjust to our reality,

1202
00:54:54,582 --> 00:54:57,752
or to our origin,
or to our possibilities, right?

1203
00:54:57,836 --> 00:55:01,423
We judge ourselves all the time.
For what we lack, didn't do, did wrong.

1204
00:55:01,506 --> 00:55:04,676
Because someone did more,
did it faster, whatever.

1205
00:55:04,759 --> 00:55:07,012
We can't even have inner peace
when we eat.

1206
00:55:07,095 --> 00:55:09,222
Our generation doesn't eat peacefully.

1207
00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:13,476
We're the generation with the most reflux,
the most gastritis. We eat in a hurry.

1208
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:15,687
Especially if we were born
in a big family,

1209
00:55:15,770 --> 00:55:17,939
with lots of siblings and little respect.

1210
00:55:18,023 --> 00:55:20,275
You had to eat fast, 'cause "dibs." Right?

1211
00:55:20,358 --> 00:55:22,152
[chuckles]

1212
00:55:22,235 --> 00:55:25,030
We have reflux, we eat fast,
we don't enjoy food.

1213
00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:28,491
Yet we want it to nourish us,
to be organic, healthy, non-fattening.

1214
00:55:28,575 --> 00:55:30,327
[light chuckles]

1215
00:55:30,410 --> 00:55:33,246
We're a bit of everything,
of strengths and flaws.

1216
00:55:33,330 --> 00:55:36,291
We're diverse within us, around us.

1217
00:55:36,374 --> 00:55:38,460
Our relationship with clothes, with food,

1218
00:55:38,543 --> 00:55:40,628
it all counts, it all hurts, breaks us.

1219
00:55:40,712 --> 00:55:42,213
That's why we're so fucked up.

1220
00:55:42,297 --> 00:55:45,884
And more so in adult life,
where we don't have uninterested friends.

1221
00:55:45,967 --> 00:55:49,387
We have friends for one reason only,
because we have to have friends.

1222
00:55:50,180 --> 00:55:53,683
Because an adult has friends
not to have a good time. Mm-mm.

1223
00:55:53,767 --> 00:55:55,518
We adults get together to complain.

1224
00:55:55,602 --> 00:55:56,478
[chuckles]

1225
00:55:56,561 --> 00:55:59,856
We have no time or money
to go to therapy, we need friends.

1226
00:56:00,357 --> 00:56:01,524
And it's a competition.

1227
00:56:01,608 --> 00:56:04,235
"Picture this, I got COVID three times."

1228
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:07,072
"But you have a gallbladder,
they removed mine." It's…

1229
00:56:07,155 --> 00:56:08,406
[laughs]

1230
00:56:08,490 --> 00:56:13,495
[audience applauding]

1231
00:56:13,578 --> 00:56:17,290
And not even eating makes us happy.

1232
00:56:17,374 --> 00:56:19,042
Adult life is hard,

1233
00:56:19,125 --> 00:56:22,003
and we can no longer
make those insignificant decisions.

1234
00:56:22,087 --> 00:56:24,631
There are too many options
and they stress us out.

1235
00:56:24,714 --> 00:56:27,801
In the past, people had no options
for love, food, everything.

1236
00:56:27,884 --> 00:56:29,177
For love, we had 3 options,

1237
00:56:29,260 --> 00:56:32,055
our neighbor, schoolmate
or third cousin, which isn't a sin.

1238
00:56:32,138 --> 00:56:32,972
That was it.

1239
00:56:33,056 --> 00:56:34,724
[chuckles]

1240
00:56:34,808 --> 00:56:36,684
Now people have many options,

1241
00:56:36,768 --> 00:56:40,980
[mocking] "people, friends,
trees, yourself, whatever."

1242
00:56:41,481 --> 00:56:44,234
"A wall, graffiti.
I married that graffiti."

1243
00:56:44,317 --> 00:56:45,443
Everything, I mean…

1244
00:56:46,444 --> 00:56:49,072
[chuckling] And here we are,
the ones in the middle, right?

1245
00:56:49,155 --> 00:56:52,909
And in adult life,
food sometimes isn't just food.

1246
00:56:52,992 --> 00:56:55,537
Sometimes you had
a shitty week and want an arepa

1247
00:56:55,620 --> 00:56:58,623
because it's Sunday,
'cause your boss is an asshole.

1248
00:56:58,706 --> 00:57:01,459
You want to forget you're an adult
and eat that arepa.

1249
00:57:01,543 --> 00:57:04,045
In that arepa,
you want to feel your mom's embrace.

1250
00:57:04,129 --> 00:57:06,089
You want the arepa experience,

1251
00:57:06,589 --> 00:57:08,508
an arepa you didn't have to pay for.

1252
00:57:08,591 --> 00:57:10,051
You want that arepa.

1253
00:57:10,135 --> 00:57:14,889
You want that smell of arepa, or taco,
or whatever they eat in your region.

1254
00:57:14,973 --> 00:57:17,600
You want that smell of homey arepa.

1255
00:57:17,684 --> 00:57:22,063
The memory of your mom cooking that arepa
with love, giving it to you

1256
00:57:22,147 --> 00:57:25,316
and saying, "It's toasted,
not burned. Eat it up." Right?

1257
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:26,234
[laughs]

1258
00:57:27,569 --> 00:57:28,528
You want that.

1259
00:57:32,866 --> 00:57:33,992
Sometimes you…

1260
00:57:34,075 --> 00:57:40,665
[audience applauding]

1261
00:57:40,748 --> 00:57:44,210
Sometimes you've tried it all
and behaved well all week.

1262
00:57:44,294 --> 00:57:47,755
You were a vegan Monday to Tuesday,
a carnivore Wednesday to Thursday,

1263
00:57:47,839 --> 00:57:49,841
and a fan of quinoa Friday to Saturday.

1264
00:57:49,924 --> 00:57:53,261
But it's Sunday
and you wanna eat a hamburger.

1265
00:57:54,512 --> 00:57:55,346
Right?

1266
00:57:55,847 --> 00:57:58,516
Look, the day that… [chuckles]
No, sorry, not the day.

1267
00:57:58,600 --> 00:57:59,934
The night, 'cause a burger

1268
00:58:00,018 --> 00:58:03,354
is something you wish in the morning,
discuss with yourself all day

1269
00:58:03,438 --> 00:58:05,106
-and decide at night.
-[laughs]

1270
00:58:05,190 --> 00:58:07,358
Because that's how stupid we are, right?

1271
00:58:09,319 --> 00:58:11,654
If the night that you ate that burger

1272
00:58:12,405 --> 00:58:14,282
you don't wake up with deep regret

1273
00:58:14,365 --> 00:58:16,493
[voice rising] in the form
of gastric acid…

1274
00:58:16,576 --> 00:58:17,785
[laughs]

1275
00:58:18,286 --> 00:58:20,330
…in the pylorus, on fire…

1276
00:58:21,122 --> 00:58:23,666
If you don't wake up around 1:00 a.m.

1277
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:27,170
with deep regret
in the form of gastric flames…

1278
00:58:27,253 --> 00:58:28,338
[laughs]

1279
00:58:28,421 --> 00:58:31,633
…fantasizing the antacid commercial
firemen coming in

1280
00:58:31,716 --> 00:58:33,551
and spraying you in the face,

1281
00:58:33,635 --> 00:58:35,220
you didn't eat a burger.

1282
00:58:36,596 --> 00:58:38,431
If the night you ate the burger

1283
00:58:39,474 --> 00:58:43,144
[chuckles] you don't wake up
and have an out-of-body experience…

1284
00:58:43,228 --> 00:58:47,148
If you don't find yourself
around 3:00 a.m. outside your own body,

1285
00:58:47,232 --> 00:58:50,068
looking down and judging yourself,

1286
00:58:50,151 --> 00:58:53,655
humiliated in underpants,
panties, boxer shorts,

1287
00:58:53,738 --> 00:58:56,324
in the kitchen, humiliated, like this,

1288
00:58:56,407 --> 00:59:00,453
measuring bicarbonate
with the little vital energy you have

1289
00:59:01,287 --> 00:59:03,039
in order to survive…

1290
00:59:03,122 --> 00:59:04,541
[laughs]

1291
00:59:04,624 --> 00:59:06,084
…you did not eat a hamburger.

1292
00:59:07,043 --> 00:59:11,256
And let me tell you, if life is a balance,
look for the balance that suits you.

1293
00:59:11,339 --> 00:59:14,467
You wanna eat a burger?
Eat it, gobble it up.

1294
00:59:14,551 --> 00:59:17,720
But make it worth it,
make it a special day.

1295
00:59:17,804 --> 00:59:19,347
Make it burger day.

1296
00:59:19,430 --> 00:59:22,517
Order it and make it
the most profane, most ordinary,

1297
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,936
and noxious burger you can get.

1298
00:59:25,019 --> 00:59:28,314
That burger you've seen on the menu
a thousand times thinking,

1299
00:59:28,398 --> 00:59:29,232
"Who eats this?"

1300
00:59:29,315 --> 00:59:30,984
-You'll eat it today!
-[laughs]

1301
00:59:31,067 --> 00:59:34,279
Eat it. With every filling.
Say yes to everything.

1302
00:59:34,362 --> 00:59:37,574
"A mini burger inside the burger?"
Yes, wolf it down.

1303
00:59:37,657 --> 00:59:40,535
Make it seven stories high,
make it ordinary, greasy.

1304
00:59:40,618 --> 00:59:42,412
Let it unlock childhood memories,

1305
00:59:42,495 --> 00:59:44,831
that drop of vanilla ice cream that…
[slurping]

1306
00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:46,583
-[laughs]
-Eat it!

1307
00:59:46,666 --> 00:59:49,377
So big, you have to use your elbow
to squash it enough

1308
00:59:49,460 --> 00:59:51,170
so it fits your mouth.

1309
00:59:51,254 --> 00:59:53,590
Wolf down that burger,
because life is balance.

1310
00:59:53,673 --> 00:59:55,592
And what are we gonna balance it with?

1311
00:59:56,175 --> 00:59:57,051
With water.

1312
00:59:57,135 --> 01:00:03,224
-[audience cheering and applauding]
-Thank you very much!

1313
01:00:05,018 --> 01:00:08,896
-["Vegas Scat Big Band" playing]
-Thanks! Thank you!

1314
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:11,024
Thank you very much!

1315
01:00:12,692 --> 01:00:15,069
[applause and cheers continue]

1316
01:00:15,153 --> 01:00:17,155
["Vegas Scat Big Band" continues]

1317
01:00:49,020 --> 01:00:51,022
["Vegas Scat Big Band" continues]

1318
01:01:45,451 --> 01:01:47,453
["Vegas Scat Big Band" continues]

1319
01:02:45,511 --> 01:02:47,513
["Vegas Scat Big Band" continues]

1320
01:03:47,114 --> 01:03:48,115
[music stops]