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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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Proovime kohe forte ’s,
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kaks korda,
viimane noot on pikk.
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Ja siis tulete teie sisse…
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Ja siis lõpuosa.
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00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:42,726
Hea küll, salvestame.
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00:00:46,207 --> 00:00:48,287
Üks, kaks, kolm.
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00:01:31,687 --> 00:01:39,687
Who said that painting your walls
was a relaxing and exhilarating activity?
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I think it’s a real pain.
You have to look up...
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And spend half the time
putting on your damned gloves.
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Ned, mida sa süüa tahad?
– Ma söön burgerit.
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Kurat!
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00:02:36,007 --> 00:02:38,606
Anna mulle lihtsalt märku ja juhised…
15
00:02:39,166 --> 00:02:41,166
Kui sa süüa tahad,
siis meil on hamburgerit.
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Ma just mälun seda praegu.
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Jah, muidugi.
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Ma räägin imeliku häälega,
sest mul on suu sinu burgerit täis.
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Kas ma võin ühe ampsu võtta?
– Jah.
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See on hea burger.
21
00:03:14,926 --> 00:03:16,247
Kas kõik on korras?
22
00:03:16,886 --> 00:03:23,926
Only here do I get a reaction
like the one by that Estonian producer,
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who said that I was unpleasant
to look at on stage.
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It may seem like a far-fetched idea
25
00:03:39,807 --> 00:03:47,807
that female musicians
are treated differently in Estonia.
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It didn’t matter that I had won
four Danish Music Awards,
27
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that I have…
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00:04:02,007 --> 00:04:04,007
I’m lost for words.
29
00:04:05,687 --> 00:04:11,326
When will I be good enough to be
just Maria Faust, fidgety, as I am?
30
00:04:12,407 --> 00:04:18,286
How am I supposed to play the saxophone wearing
high heels and keeping my legs together?
31
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How can I fucking balance myself like that?
32
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It’s physical work.
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Inside the suit I am sweltering.
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It’s hard work.
35
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:35,846
You can’t do it like this…
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00:04:45,007 --> 00:04:47,007
I guess I can park here.
37
00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:55,446
I refuse to give in to the idea
that this issue has been exhausted.
38
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We’ll keep talking about it
until things start getting better.
39
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:11,446
Domestic violence is not a subject
that you see often in art.
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There are other feminist subjects, but…
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00:06:24,247 --> 00:06:30,766
If you can write a book
about domestic violence and harassment,
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you can also write
a musical piece about it.
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I’d like to write Mass of Mary
not in order to find solutions,
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or to give instructions on how
to break the chain,
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but as a filtering process,
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and I’d just like to dedicate one
of my works to those who really need it.
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To those who don’t feel safe at home.
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The moment someone starts pressuring me
into doing something, I can’t take it.
49
00:07:17,446 --> 00:07:20,886
Why should pressuring someone be normal,
maybe it’s not normal.
50
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Maybe.
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I get that from my mum.
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Any kind of pressure from someone
makes me do the opposite.
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00:07:30,247 --> 00:07:33,766
If I’m being pushed to play a role…
54
00:07:34,886 --> 00:07:42,886
My first husband,
as soon as we were married, changed.
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Suddenly.
I was given a role.
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For some reason,
joy disappeared from my life at once,
57
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and then I only had my duties.
58
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He wasn’t Estonian, or Russian,
he was Danish.
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These roles have stayed universal.
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00:08:10,127 --> 00:08:12,607
It is what it is.
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00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:18,007
I don’t really worry about
it, life just keeps going on.
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If you’d had eight husbands,
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you wouldn’t think about the fact
that all men are useless.
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00:08:24,047 --> 00:08:29,047
No, I don’t think that all men are…
as my grandma used to say…
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00:08:29,406 --> 00:08:32,967
Pigs?
– No, that’s not what I’m saying.
66
00:08:33,607 --> 00:08:41,487
I’m sure it’s possible…but I haven’t
succeeded, and so be it.
67
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So be it.
68
00:10:03,766 --> 00:10:07,207
Ma olen pillikeel.
– Sa oled pillikeel?
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00:10:36,127 --> 00:10:37,886
Häid jõule!
70
00:10:43,327 --> 00:10:46,286
I can’t describe him with just one word.
71
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:57,607
Maybe... that he’s incredibly spirited.
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00:10:59,247 --> 00:11:04,566
He’s smart, but there are certain things
he cannot solve.
73
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:12,967
If he sees an obstacle,
he can’t see past it.
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But I like the way he knows how to dream.
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Without limits.
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He’s positive, and I’m negative.
I’m a pessimist.
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00:11:32,046 --> 00:11:34,447
Maybe that’s what I like the most.
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00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,166
He also knows how to calculate,
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00:11:41,646 --> 00:11:45,207
but he doesn’t know how to make money,
or count it.
80
00:11:45,926 --> 00:11:47,926
He’s more of a spender.
81
00:11:50,286 --> 00:11:51,607
These are the Grammys.
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This is the highest one.
83
00:11:55,127 --> 00:11:57,127
One is missing.
84
00:11:59,566 --> 00:12:04,166
And let’s not forget about the styling gel.
85
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:10,367
Show me the Lifetime Achievement
Award, please. – The so-called one.
86
00:12:18,286 --> 00:12:24,526
I’ve always wondered which one
looks the most hideous.
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00:12:25,087 --> 00:12:29,607
The one sitting on the toilet,
the critics award,
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or this one.
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00:12:34,967 --> 00:12:38,286
In terms of their appearance.
What they represent is great.
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00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:43,967
Here’s the one from Jazzkaar,
and other Estonian ones.
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00:12:46,447 --> 00:12:48,046
They’re…
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00:12:57,367 --> 00:12:59,367
They’re so heavy.
93
00:14:35,447 --> 00:14:37,447
I’d always had a plan.
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00:14:37,766 --> 00:14:44,926
I was waiting for the time when
they would start playing my music.
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But that time never came.
96
00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:50,967
In my child’s mind,
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I understood that maybe
I’d have to play music by others first,
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00:14:55,727 --> 00:14:59,967
and then it would be my turn, but that time
never came, not even at the academy.
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00:15:00,487 --> 00:15:03,526
Nobody wanted to play my music,
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00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:09,406
and nobody saw
why it should even be an option.
101
00:15:11,487 --> 00:15:13,566
I just remember that, as a child,
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00:15:13,766 --> 00:15:19,566
it really annoyed me
that nobody addressed me as a musician.
103
00:15:19,926 --> 00:15:21,526
It made me angry.
104
00:15:21,766 --> 00:15:23,926
My feelings were hurt
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and I didn’t understand
why I wasn’t taken seriously.
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Kas sa tead, kus veepudel on?
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Siin!
Võid selle täita.
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Puru vajub põhja ja saad kasutada.
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Võiks teha nii, et plaadi ühel poolel
on kasutatud efekte, aga teisel mitte.
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Heli ei ole veel töödeldud.
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Üks pool olekski ilma.
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00:17:02,046 --> 00:17:06,447
Jah, aga minu arvates annaks
miksimine palju juurde.
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00:17:10,806 --> 00:17:12,487
Kombineerimine.
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00:17:15,487 --> 00:17:19,086
Mõtle sellele, kuidas me räägime,
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kui edastame mingit sõnumit
või esitame argumente.
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00:17:28,326 --> 00:17:35,007
See on mõjusam, kui esitusviis
on vaheldusrikas ja tõmbab tähelepanu…
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00:17:36,326 --> 00:17:38,326
Jah, aga peab lugu jutustama.
– Ja.
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00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,766
Lugu ei pea jutustama niiviisi…
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seda võib jutustada ka nii…
120
00:17:43,407 --> 00:17:47,126
Tõsi, aga üks viis, kuidas seda teha,
on hoida need osad lahus.
121
00:17:47,286 --> 00:17:50,647
See osa oleks täiesti eraldi,
sest mulle on hakanud meeldima,
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kui on ainult saksofon.
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See kõlab ümbritsevaga kokku.
124
00:18:00,207 --> 00:18:05,286
My career is on thin ice anyway.
125
00:18:07,766 --> 00:18:15,766
If I announced that I‘ve been
terribly abused, raped, traumatised,
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00:18:18,126 --> 00:18:22,967
everybody’s reaction would be: “Really?
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00:18:25,207 --> 00:18:28,487
Maybe you are craving more attention?
128
00:18:29,487 --> 00:18:32,647
Maybe your music is not strong enough?”
129
00:18:33,366 --> 00:18:35,366
I don’t need that.
130
00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:37,647
My music is very strong.
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To come to terms with all of that,
I make music.
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I dedicate myself to it every time.
133
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Mass, Organ, Machina,
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00:18:56,606 --> 00:19:03,046
that’s just one phase of my trauma stories.
135
00:19:03,526 --> 00:19:11,526
The trauma is not mine—I filter
what is around me, not myself.
136
00:19:14,167 --> 00:19:16,167
Have you been raped?
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00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:19,447
I have.
138
00:19:25,606 --> 00:19:27,606
Yes, I have.
139
00:19:28,727 --> 00:19:33,046
But I think
that every other woman can say that.
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00:19:40,126 --> 00:19:43,967
It leaves a mark on you
for the rest of your life.
141
00:19:44,207 --> 00:19:50,247
“Why are you always so pessimistic?”
142
00:19:50,447 --> 00:19:53,366
“Why are you always this or that?”
143
00:19:57,207 --> 00:20:02,366
Because you analyse each
and every compliment.
144
00:20:02,606 --> 00:20:07,126
I think about why the person
is paying me the compliment.
145
00:20:07,566 --> 00:20:09,086
It’s really sick.
146
00:20:09,286 --> 00:20:13,566
People pay me sincere compliments,
147
00:20:16,207 --> 00:20:18,687
but it makes me freeze.
148
00:20:23,086 --> 00:20:28,606
The worst thing is that I’m part
of the chain that keeps silent.
149
00:20:29,766 --> 00:20:33,126
I won’t jeopardise my career.
150
00:20:35,687 --> 00:20:37,687
I moved away,
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00:20:40,566 --> 00:20:44,766
and, for me,
the most important thing is
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that I can continue with my work
as much as possible.
153
00:20:50,606 --> 00:20:56,326
If I brand myself as a victim,
I will remain one.
154
00:20:57,526 --> 00:21:02,887
But I’m not a victim.
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00:22:30,846 --> 00:22:36,326
Organ tähendab kehaosa.
156
00:22:46,647 --> 00:22:54,647
Mul ei olnud plaanis kirjutada
kiidulaulu oma vagiinale, aga…
157
00:22:58,286 --> 00:23:00,526
Kui ma hakkasin seda kirjutama,
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00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:06,766
tekkis sama tunne, mis tantsuklubis.
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00:23:08,326 --> 00:23:11,566
Ainus, mis võimust võtab, on see…
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00:23:15,647 --> 00:23:17,927
Sa ei kahetse midagi.
161
00:23:24,647 --> 00:23:28,407
See on nii oluline osa naise kehast.
162
00:23:30,046 --> 00:23:35,447
Kõik algas hormoonidest,
arusaamisega sellest, kes sa oled,
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00:23:35,806 --> 00:23:39,967
ja mil määral hormoonid
määravad meie olemuse.
164
00:23:41,647 --> 00:23:43,647
Mul ei ole piisavalt kõrge östrogeenitase
165
00:23:43,887 --> 00:23:46,606
ja kui ma seda juurde võtsin,
166
00:23:46,846 --> 00:23:50,326
muutus mu iseloom tundmatuseni.
167
00:23:50,566 --> 00:23:54,007
Mul oli täiesti suva muusikast, meestest.
168
00:23:55,967 --> 00:23:59,566
Kell 7.30 hommikul
võis mind leida küüsi värvimas,
169
00:24:00,126 --> 00:24:02,126
kui ma östrogeeni võtsin.
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00:24:03,887 --> 00:24:09,207
Siis ma mõistsin, kui palju see muudab.
171
00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:22,086
Hello!
Yes, are you downstairs?
172
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OK, I guess that’s the easiest way.
173
00:24:49,247 --> 00:24:53,526
It’s pointless to make any decisions now.
174
00:24:57,526 --> 00:24:59,526
It’s unbelievable how…
175
00:25:02,407 --> 00:25:06,126
You can see
that your partner is having a hard time,
176
00:25:07,487 --> 00:25:09,927
but you still have a go at them.
177
00:25:12,326 --> 00:25:17,806
I’d never have thought that the subject
matter of Mass would keep haunting me.
178
00:25:23,046 --> 00:25:27,366
As with In the Beginning...
179
00:25:30,727 --> 00:25:34,366
It ended with the same topic
that we had started with,
180
00:25:35,207 --> 00:25:41,286
the topic of forgiveness,
181
00:25:42,606 --> 00:25:47,046
and we’d never have thought
that we’d have to deal with forgiving
182
00:25:47,247 --> 00:25:50,247
after finishing the work,
183
00:25:50,487 --> 00:25:54,727
and I’d never have thought
I’d have to go through this.
184
00:25:55,647 --> 00:26:00,727
Writing a piece about domestic violence,
and experiencing its escalation myself.
185
00:26:01,086 --> 00:26:07,687
Shaking turned into choking,
so eventually I had to call the police.
186
00:26:07,967 --> 00:26:10,326
I’ve never experienced that before.
187
00:26:13,007 --> 00:26:15,727
Did it turn violent?
– Yes.
188
00:26:18,846 --> 00:26:20,846
He didn’t hit me.
189
00:26:21,167 --> 00:26:26,007
He pinches and pushes me.
190
00:26:29,487 --> 00:26:33,366
And won’t let me sleep.
He’s harassing me.
191
00:26:33,687 --> 00:26:37,647
He keeps waking me up,
he keeps calling everyone,
192
00:26:37,766 --> 00:26:42,207
filming me when I’m in bed,
from every angle.
193
00:26:42,526 --> 00:26:45,207
It’s constant abuse.
194
00:26:45,447 --> 00:26:49,967
Fortunately, the last two times there
were other people present.
195
00:26:50,126 --> 00:26:53,046
Otherwise, I’d think I was imagining it.
196
00:26:53,647 --> 00:26:55,647
You lose track.
197
00:26:56,126 --> 00:27:02,086
A violent relationship is not bad
all the time.
198
00:27:02,326 --> 00:27:05,647
It’s not like I’m being beaten
by a drunkard.
199
00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:11,086
Usually I just let him do what he wants,
200
00:27:11,687 --> 00:27:13,887
then there’s an explosion
and he comes back.
201
00:27:14,207 --> 00:27:17,007
Right now there’s nothing happening.
202
00:27:18,806 --> 00:27:22,366
If you start thinking about it…
203
00:27:23,647 --> 00:27:29,286
If I start hesitating before saying
that I love him,
204
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it means that I don’t.
205
00:27:33,207 --> 00:27:36,846
I won’t express any opinions right now,
206
00:27:37,086 --> 00:27:40,207
because I’m not in a good place in my life.
207
00:27:40,766 --> 00:27:44,687
I’ve just lost my friend Esta,
my mum is in the intensive care unit.
208
00:27:45,967 --> 00:27:50,447
The timing is terrible
for making these decisions.
209
00:27:51,727 --> 00:27:58,887
I’ll wait until I can think straight.
210
00:28:01,126 --> 00:28:04,566
Emotionally, I’m used to it.
211
00:28:04,846 --> 00:28:12,407
I’m very emotional. I don’t make
decisions in a state like this.
212
00:28:12,927 --> 00:28:19,526
I always wait it out and think it over.
213
00:29:07,806 --> 00:29:13,887
I’m still not sure
that we can work it out.
214
00:29:16,086 --> 00:29:19,126
It’s just so good to live alone.
215
00:29:23,526 --> 00:29:25,526
We’ll see.
216
00:29:51,046 --> 00:29:54,447
It’s hard to explain,
but to put it bluntly…
217
00:29:54,967 --> 00:29:58,566
The farmer may want a wife,
218
00:29:58,806 --> 00:30:02,766
but Estonian women have to search
for someone to hook up with.
219
00:30:03,086 --> 00:30:05,086
You just can’t get laid here.
220
00:30:05,727 --> 00:30:08,366
I don’t know how women in Estonia cope.
221
00:30:09,126 --> 00:30:17,126
If you ask someone directly,
you get this shocked reaction.
222
00:30:17,967 --> 00:30:21,086
A woman is not expected
to make the first move.
223
00:30:21,487 --> 00:30:25,046
It makes me feel stupid,
224
00:30:25,447 --> 00:30:28,286
as if I’ve said something indecent.
225
00:30:29,366 --> 00:30:35,566
Younger men hit on me,
send texts at night,
226
00:30:35,887 --> 00:30:41,647
but when I ask them directly
what they want,
227
00:30:42,766 --> 00:30:47,487
I get a vague reply.
228
00:30:48,046 --> 00:30:52,647
It’s confusing. Anyway, I don’t care,
the shop is closed now.
229
00:30:53,566 --> 00:30:55,927
What would Ned think of your search?
230
00:30:56,606 --> 00:30:59,566
I’m not searching for anything.
It’s just an observation.
231
00:31:00,967 --> 00:31:03,766
I just notice these situations…
232
00:31:04,007 --> 00:31:06,286
I like observing people, too…
233
00:31:10,566 --> 00:31:12,806
Basically,
I haven’t seen my husband since April.
234
00:31:13,247 --> 00:31:18,806
Should I just fucking pack up
a part of me? Come on!
235
00:31:25,286 --> 00:31:27,526
I’ll get back to work now.
236
00:31:28,687 --> 00:31:30,927
They’re building something there,
I guess.
237
00:31:32,887 --> 00:31:35,086
You can hear the pounding.
238
00:31:37,447 --> 00:31:40,407
Yeah, I’ve also heard some buzzing.
239
00:31:46,766 --> 00:31:49,526
I can even change up to second gear here.
240
00:31:50,326 --> 00:31:53,326
Keep this open.
241
00:31:54,286 --> 00:31:57,447
How many times have I started my life over?
242
00:31:58,247 --> 00:31:59,887
I won't give up.
243
00:32:00,286 --> 00:32:02,286
In your right hand.
244
00:32:03,366 --> 00:32:06,007
That’s how you unfold it.
245
00:32:06,286 --> 00:32:08,286
Listen carefully.
246
00:32:08,846 --> 00:32:10,846
That’s how it unravels.
247
00:32:14,126 --> 00:32:16,126
Put this on the first flag.
248
00:32:16,366 --> 00:32:19,247
From below?
– No. From above.
249
00:32:19,566 --> 00:32:21,566
On the first flag.
250
00:32:22,007 --> 00:32:26,366
Here, put this down.
And place it like this.
251
00:32:27,687 --> 00:32:30,046
Hold it, and start going.
252
00:32:32,606 --> 00:32:34,766
Wait, don’t go yet.
I won’t come with you.
253
00:32:34,967 --> 00:32:37,687
You won’t,
but I had it in the bucket earlier.
254
00:32:41,447 --> 00:32:44,286
Let’s see if I can untangle it.
255
00:32:45,967 --> 00:32:51,687
And now?
So now I just hold it?
256
00:32:52,207 --> 00:32:53,647
Of course, you just hold it.
257
00:33:04,007 --> 00:33:08,967
Is the water warm? – It’s very warm,
and makes me want to dive in.
258
00:33:16,366 --> 00:33:18,887
Now it’s tangled up.
259
00:33:24,967 --> 00:33:26,967
But I did it!
260
00:33:49,326 --> 00:33:51,526
Oh, it’s still attached to me!
261
00:34:02,407 --> 00:34:06,846
There’s always a good chance
it will go to shit.
262
00:34:07,727 --> 00:34:09,726
No, I don’t think it will.
263
00:34:10,327 --> 00:34:17,927
There’s a good chance
it will all go to shit.
264
00:34:18,606 --> 00:34:22,566
It won’t be a big loss.
– It might still all go to shit.
265
00:34:28,327 --> 00:34:31,166
I started fishing here locally.
266
00:34:31,526 --> 00:34:36,287
I remember you bringing the ide fish.
Unbelievable amounts of it.
267
00:34:36,526 --> 00:34:38,726
It was the time
of the restoration of independence.
268
00:34:38,887 --> 00:34:41,046
Food was scarce;
there were no jobs.
269
00:34:41,807 --> 00:34:46,566
So I collected bottles at the beach
and went fishing.
270
00:34:47,447 --> 00:34:53,086
I found an old fishnet, with hoops.
271
00:34:54,287 --> 00:34:57,327
The first net went missing with a storm.
272
00:34:58,246 --> 00:35:01,927
I walked up and down the shore crying,
looking for it.
273
00:35:02,686 --> 00:35:04,686
First I thought it had been stolen,
274
00:35:04,927 --> 00:35:08,967
but no, it must’ve been the storm
that rolled it away.
275
00:35:11,407 --> 00:35:15,206
I don’t recall being hungry as a child.
276
00:35:15,767 --> 00:35:18,606
Weren’t you fed up with the fish?
277
00:35:18,887 --> 00:35:20,887
Once I saw Grandma crying.
278
00:35:22,526 --> 00:35:24,526
She was sitting at the table,
279
00:35:25,646 --> 00:35:29,407
sobbing, saying I was so thin and pale,
280
00:35:29,646 --> 00:35:32,887
and that I hadn’t been fed any pork
or beef for two years,
281
00:35:33,646 --> 00:35:37,206
just potatoes and fish.
282
00:35:38,726 --> 00:35:41,807
That my skinny legs
looked like hockey sticks.
283
00:35:42,126 --> 00:35:44,126
I wish she could see me now!
284
00:35:46,726 --> 00:35:49,086
“As skinny as a beanpole!”
285
00:35:52,646 --> 00:35:56,767
I don’t know why she took it so hard…
286
00:35:57,447 --> 00:35:59,447
We had everything we needed.
287
00:36:01,166 --> 00:36:04,367
I have to call Finnair.
288
00:36:04,927 --> 00:36:06,407
Right now?
289
00:36:06,526 --> 00:36:08,526
Let me see what time it is.
290
00:36:08,646 --> 00:36:11,367
Tomorrow it’ll be Friday already.
291
00:36:25,526 --> 00:36:27,246
Shit.
292
00:36:27,807 --> 00:36:30,246
They don’t open until 9.
293
00:36:32,887 --> 00:36:38,287
Turns out there’s still a fine of 9,600
for violating the quarantine.
294
00:36:40,807 --> 00:36:42,566
Fuck.
295
00:36:53,807 --> 00:36:56,646
I would’ve wanted to take the risk.
296
00:36:57,246 --> 00:37:01,166
Shit,
I just can’t give the concert without Ned.
297
00:37:03,526 --> 00:37:08,046
I’ll have to sacrifice my relationship.
298
00:37:17,046 --> 00:37:18,726
That’s it!
299
00:37:19,046 --> 00:37:21,327
What do you mean?
He’ll be here.
300
00:37:22,007 --> 00:37:25,086
We haven’t sorted out our issues.
301
00:37:26,007 --> 00:37:28,606
He’ll be here for the concerts only.
302
00:37:30,407 --> 00:37:34,847
During the concerts,
I’m not the Maria from the relationship.
303
00:37:35,287 --> 00:37:40,246
I’m the Maria who bosses others around,
I’m the band leader.
304
00:37:41,166 --> 00:37:43,967
It’s not the same.
305
00:37:44,767 --> 00:37:49,126
It’s a shame he won’t be able to be
here in our home in Estonia.
306
00:37:49,487 --> 00:37:51,487
That really sucks.
307
00:38:57,686 --> 00:38:59,686
Well, well!
308
00:39:01,767 --> 00:39:05,726
It’s because I drink beer and eat sweets,
309
00:39:05,847 --> 00:39:07,967
so it gets all sticky inside.
310
00:39:23,606 --> 00:39:26,847
I did think that was it.
That I’d had enough.
311
00:39:31,887 --> 00:39:36,606
You can’t continue if you don’t have
any energy, but now I have my energy back.
312
00:39:41,007 --> 00:39:44,807
It tends to fall back into the old rut.
313
00:39:44,967 --> 00:39:46,967
Nothing really changes.
314
00:39:49,726 --> 00:39:55,447
I did think about the patterns—
I’m seeing a psychoanalyst—
315
00:39:56,126 --> 00:39:59,447
about breaking free of my patterns.
316
00:40:07,287 --> 00:40:11,046
My pattern is the older sibling pattern.
317
00:40:12,367 --> 00:40:14,367
I do all the tasks myself.
318
00:40:16,287 --> 00:40:22,206
It was the one who raised Ned as a loafer.
319
00:40:23,126 --> 00:40:25,887
I did everything myself.
It took less time.
320
00:40:28,327 --> 00:40:30,807
I can cook better,
I can organise better.
321
00:40:31,007 --> 00:40:33,726
Eventually he just stayed in bed.
322
00:40:34,807 --> 00:40:40,407
I shouldn’t be shocked and wonder
how this is even possible.
323
00:40:40,726 --> 00:40:44,887
In the end you realise
you were the one who enabled it.
324
00:43:57,367 --> 00:43:59,767
It was a strange time.
325
00:44:00,287 --> 00:44:06,407
The majority of my classmates and friends
didn’t have their fathers around.
326
00:44:07,487 --> 00:44:12,646
We had strange families,
with grandmothers and mothers,
327
00:44:13,086 --> 00:44:18,046
while men moved between families.
328
00:44:22,686 --> 00:44:27,126
Their own kids were raised by other men,
329
00:44:29,166 --> 00:44:32,246
while they were raising
someone else’s kids.
330
00:44:32,686 --> 00:44:35,566
This circling around was…
331
00:44:41,206 --> 00:44:45,367
Now we have blended families,
but I don’t know what you’d call that.
332
00:44:46,767 --> 00:44:49,767
It was a bizarre situation.
333
00:45:12,726 --> 00:45:14,726
That’s the bassoon.
334
00:45:20,367 --> 00:45:22,967
OK, I’ve put something down.
335
00:45:27,206 --> 00:45:29,327
Time for a break again.
336
00:45:37,046 --> 00:45:42,327
The one thing I’ve learned is
that the more I write down the better.
337
00:45:42,927 --> 00:45:46,807
It leaves me more material to choose from.
338
00:45:48,447 --> 00:45:50,807
Sound to me is memory.
339
00:45:51,287 --> 00:45:54,007
I can remember it, fortunately.
340
00:45:56,526 --> 00:45:59,007
Even when I listen to these songs,
341
00:45:59,246 --> 00:46:01,246
I can remember why I was singing,
342
00:46:01,447 --> 00:46:05,166
or where I was singing,
and where the melody is from.
343
00:46:08,126 --> 00:46:09,847
This is from…
344
00:46:12,287 --> 00:46:17,166
A friend of mine has a bathroom with
ventilation pipes that sound like that.
345
00:46:25,287 --> 00:46:27,287
Exactly like that.
346
00:46:30,086 --> 00:46:32,287
It would be cool to…
347
00:46:34,487 --> 00:46:36,487
You take different homes,
348
00:46:36,726 --> 00:46:41,686
with their bathrooms
and those whistling sounds,
349
00:46:42,367 --> 00:46:45,686
and have all the pipes
interact with each other.
350
00:46:46,007 --> 00:46:51,287
The home would be a symbol in Mass.
And the pipes.
351
00:46:55,327 --> 00:46:57,327
Tšau!
352
00:47:03,606 --> 00:47:05,887
Me isegi ei näe teineteist!
353
00:47:17,526 --> 00:47:19,526
Kas me ka suudleme?
354
00:47:34,526 --> 00:47:36,526
The good life!
355
00:47:37,447 --> 00:47:39,927
So much better than a hotel.
356
00:47:44,726 --> 00:47:46,726
How are things with Ned?
357
00:47:47,287 --> 00:47:49,007
I don’t know.
358
00:47:49,126 --> 00:47:52,007
We’ll find out in the bedroom.
359
00:48:00,046 --> 00:48:04,367
I guess we’ll find out soon.
360
00:48:06,686 --> 00:48:14,686
For four months, we haven’t been able
to sleep together.
361
00:48:16,046 --> 00:48:18,967
We’ll have to sort that out first.
362
00:48:34,887 --> 00:48:39,927
Being faithful is not as important to me
as being loyal.
363
00:48:40,086 --> 00:48:43,847
These are two different things for me.
364
00:48:54,327 --> 00:48:57,287
In every relationship there
are bumps in the road.
365
00:48:57,407 --> 00:48:59,407
It’s never perfect.
366
00:48:59,887 --> 00:49:01,887
There’s all kinds of shit.
367
00:49:02,166 --> 00:49:07,287
I’m too hard on Ned,
according to him.
368
00:49:10,927 --> 00:49:12,606
Kas said?
369
00:49:12,847 --> 00:49:16,646
Mida sa tõid?
– Burgereid.
370
00:49:17,046 --> 00:49:22,166
Suurepärane. Alkoholi?
– Ei.
371
00:49:22,566 --> 00:49:25,606
Pole midagi. Joome vett.
372
00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:29,686
Ma hakkasin juba sööma.
– Sul on juba süüa!
373
00:49:32,726 --> 00:49:35,086
It’s the small things that are annoying.
374
00:49:35,447 --> 00:49:37,447
Like the way he blows his nose.
375
00:49:37,887 --> 00:49:45,887
Why would you blow your nose
like you’re playing the trombone.
376
00:49:48,126 --> 00:49:50,126
Who blows their nose like that?
377
00:49:50,526 --> 00:49:54,606
It’s things like that.
378
00:50:02,166 --> 00:50:07,447
We could ask him
what irritates him about me.
379
00:50:10,726 --> 00:50:14,487
Ma tahan sult midagi isiklikku küsida.
380
00:50:15,246 --> 00:50:20,246
Meile mõlemale käivad teineteise juures
närvidele mingid väikesed asjad.
381
00:50:21,086 --> 00:50:26,086
Näiteks, kui sa nuuskad,
382
00:50:26,367 --> 00:50:29,367
teed sa palju lärmi.
383
00:50:29,646 --> 00:50:32,166
Ma vihkan seda.
384
00:50:33,086 --> 00:50:35,686
Aga minu juures?
– Sa oled täiuslik.
385
00:50:42,206 --> 00:50:44,807
Ma võtsin seda, mida neil oli.
386
00:50:48,447 --> 00:50:50,447
Kas sa oled näljane?
– Olen.
387
00:50:51,367 --> 00:50:55,407
Kas ma võtan taldriku?
– Loomulikult.
388
00:50:56,566 --> 00:50:59,847
Sa oled täiuslik, polegi midagi.
389
00:51:03,287 --> 00:51:05,287
Oo, kas tõesti?
390
00:51:07,166 --> 00:51:09,166
Ma mõtlen seda tõsiselt.
391
00:51:10,767 --> 00:51:15,246
Ma söön tihti kana voodis
ja voodialune on pidevalt kanaluid täis.
392
00:51:15,566 --> 00:51:18,847
See on ju hea,
sest siis ei pea mina seda sööma.
393
00:51:19,367 --> 00:51:20,967
Ma söön voodis.
394
00:51:21,166 --> 00:51:23,526
Aa, et kas see ajab mind närvi?
– Jah.
395
00:51:23,967 --> 00:51:26,206
Ma ei mäleta, milline sa voodis oled.
396
00:51:28,767 --> 00:51:30,767
Mis mäng see selline on?
397
00:51:32,487 --> 00:51:33,927
Mul on midagi kõrvas.
398
00:51:44,927 --> 00:51:49,526
Imelik, ma ei oskagi enam
kellegi kõrval magada.
399
00:51:50,246 --> 00:51:52,726
Kellegi?
– Sinu kõrval.
400
00:51:55,007 --> 00:51:59,447
See saab huvitav olema,
kui oled pikalt üksi maganud.
401
00:52:10,367 --> 00:52:14,686
Ma küll ei kavatse oma patja jagada.
402
00:52:24,246 --> 00:52:27,086
Üks, Kaks, kolm.
Jah, nii on õige.
403
00:52:31,367 --> 00:52:33,367
Plaks peab olema selge.
404
00:53:12,206 --> 00:53:15,686
Esmalt teevad kõik nii.
– Jah.
405
00:53:16,767 --> 00:53:19,686
Ja siis lisame järgmise kihi.
– Jah.
406
00:53:59,767 --> 00:54:03,726
Aasta parim eksperimentaalalbum on...
The winner of Experiment of the Year is…
407
00:54:07,407 --> 00:54:10,767
Maria Faust Sacrum Facere „Organ”!
Maria Faust Sacrum Facere with Organ!
408
00:54:28,487 --> 00:54:31,487
Siin on sulle su päris oma lelu!
Here’s your very own toy!
409
00:54:42,726 --> 00:54:45,142
Mul ei ole tegelikult suurt midagi öelda,
I don’t know what to say,
410
00:54:45,166 --> 00:54:47,166
sest olen väga õnnelik.
Because I’m really happy.
411
00:54:48,367 --> 00:54:50,686
Tahan öelda, et see asi siin
I want to say that this thing
412
00:54:50,807 --> 00:54:53,686
on tagumikku pistmiseks liiga suur,
is too big for shoving up my ass,
413
00:54:54,566 --> 00:54:57,887
aga võin hiljem proovida.
But I can try later.
414
00:54:59,327 --> 00:55:03,126
Tahan tänada I’d like to thank
415
00:55:03,367 --> 00:55:06,526
Peter Littauerit ja Søren Friisi
Peter Littauer and Søren Friis
416
00:55:06,726 --> 00:55:10,126
plaadifirmast Stunt Records, oma bändi
from Stunt Records, my band,
417
00:55:10,606 --> 00:55:16,726
ja suurim tänu muidugi kõigile teile. and the
greatest thanks goes to all of you here, of course.
418
00:55:34,206 --> 00:55:37,007
Kas teil on valget veini?
Have you got any white wine?
419
00:55:37,726 --> 00:55:40,487
Mis maa oma?
Where is it from?
420
00:55:43,767 --> 00:55:46,263
Meil on ainult ühte sorti valget.
We only have one type of white wine.
421
00:55:46,287 --> 00:55:49,166
Ahah, no siis seda.
OK, I’ll have that.
422
00:55:52,646 --> 00:55:54,767
I’ll take a selfie.
423
00:56:18,487 --> 00:56:20,246
Fuck.
424
00:56:28,246 --> 00:56:30,246
Ma olen su üle nii uhke.
425
00:56:43,367 --> 00:56:45,367
Ma lähen pissile.
426
00:56:48,686 --> 00:56:50,887
See pole üldse külm...
427
00:56:51,287 --> 00:56:53,287
Kas tõesti?
– Aga mulle meeldib.
428
00:57:04,007 --> 00:57:06,367
Kas see on IPA, Ned?
429
00:57:15,407 --> 00:57:17,407
I’m very sorry.
430
00:57:18,526 --> 00:57:20,526
Buy a new one.
431
00:57:29,807 --> 00:57:33,246
“This is the happiest devil I have.”
432
00:57:43,606 --> 00:57:46,367
Topelt-IPA.
Või lausa kolmekordne?
433
00:57:52,206 --> 00:57:54,967
I’d get drunk much faster.
434
00:58:00,166 --> 00:58:03,246
Kontsert oli keskpärane.
435
00:58:03,407 --> 00:58:09,246
Seal oli kaks huvitavat esinejat,
mõlemad naised.
436
00:58:09,686 --> 00:58:12,007
Ülejäänu oli pask.
437
00:58:16,726 --> 00:58:18,726
Kas ma võin ühe lonksu võtta?
438
00:58:25,086 --> 00:58:28,566
I’m a very good cook, for example,
439
00:58:35,646 --> 00:58:38,367
but I’m very bad in bed.
440
00:58:39,206 --> 00:58:41,646
Always full of contrasts.
441
00:58:43,447 --> 00:58:45,927
How can that be?
442
00:58:50,646 --> 00:58:54,287
The only thing that lights me up is music.
443
00:58:55,246 --> 00:59:03,246
I can’t hide the fact that the only thing
that interests me
444
00:59:05,086 --> 00:59:08,206
is drama in music.
445
00:59:12,447 --> 00:59:14,847
Ned has already gone to bed.
446
00:59:17,287 --> 00:59:19,606
I can see that it’s hard for him.
447
00:59:19,807 --> 00:59:26,007
He’s always my plus-one.
448
00:59:30,967 --> 00:59:36,126
Believe it or not,
everybody has their ambitions.
449
00:59:42,566 --> 00:59:45,086
That’s why he drinks, I think.
450
00:59:45,887 --> 00:59:49,126
I suspect that’s the reason he drinks.
451
00:59:55,447 --> 00:59:57,447
Kuidas on?
452
00:59:59,206 --> 01:00:03,007
Tahaks narkotsi.
– Oh ei!
453
01:00:20,606 --> 01:00:25,646
Tema on see mässumeelne meie peres.
454
01:00:32,246 --> 01:00:34,246
Ma armastan sind.
455
01:01:45,287 --> 01:01:48,166
I don’t have to listen until the end,
I already know what’s wrong.
456
01:01:48,327 --> 01:01:53,967
It sounds too frantic and
the beginning is unbalanced.
457
01:01:54,407 --> 01:01:57,367
We’ll have to do it again.
– We’ll redo it anyway.
458
01:01:57,887 --> 01:02:00,246
There’s no point
in listening until the end,
459
01:02:00,407 --> 01:02:03,887
because it has the same problem throughout.
460
01:02:04,086 --> 01:02:06,086
Yes, a little too fast.
461
01:02:06,246 --> 01:02:10,646
It should be as if it’s flying,
not fluttering.
462
01:02:12,166 --> 01:02:14,166
I’m writing Mass of Mary,
463
01:02:19,447 --> 01:02:27,447
a composition both including narrative
and conceptual components,
464
01:02:29,007 --> 01:02:31,327
and consisting of multiple parts.
465
01:02:31,526 --> 01:02:34,287
Typical of masses,
466
01:02:36,646 --> 01:02:41,726
it contains text in Latin,
but there’s also text in Estonian.
467
01:02:42,086 --> 01:02:50,086
I’ve been inspired by how our world
468
01:02:54,126 --> 01:02:59,206
is built on violence and hierarchy.
469
01:03:00,327 --> 01:03:07,887
I have taken the role
of someone who filters,
470
01:03:09,807 --> 01:03:16,526
but doesn’t offer solutions
and doesn’t criticise.
471
01:06:32,007 --> 01:06:38,007
Kui keegi arvab,
et meil pole võrdne suhe…
472
01:06:39,487 --> 01:06:41,686
Sellised suhted ei toimi kunagi.
473
01:06:41,847 --> 01:06:45,246
Meie suhtes pole ebavõrdsust.
474
01:06:47,487 --> 01:06:49,487
Ned võib-olla ei…
475
01:06:50,967 --> 01:06:54,046
Ma olen väga teotahteline.
– Muide, ma olen siinsamas.
476
01:06:56,726 --> 01:07:00,686
Ma olen väga teotahteline,
aga see ei tee minust võimukat inimest.
477
01:07:04,166 --> 01:07:06,166
Ma kohe aevastan.
478
01:07:07,086 --> 01:07:09,086
Sest sa valetad.
479
01:07:14,967 --> 01:07:17,447
Hea küll, ma nüüd lõpetan
oma mõtete jagamise.
480
01:07:17,566 --> 01:07:19,086
Ära lõpeta.
481
01:07:20,686 --> 01:07:25,287
Ma ütleks, et oleneb, kus me oleme.
482
01:07:25,646 --> 01:07:28,606
Kui me oleme Eestis,
olen vägagi Maria Fausti mees.
483
01:07:30,447 --> 01:07:33,767
Aga siin on hoopis teine lugu!
– Siin võib olla nii ja naa.
484
01:07:34,046 --> 01:07:39,086
USAs on Maria olenevalt
meie asukohast Ned Fermi naine.
485
01:07:41,566 --> 01:07:45,927
Mulle täitsa sobib olla
lihtsalt Maria Fausti mees.
486
01:07:46,126 --> 01:07:49,566
Minu jaoks ei ole probleem
olla mingis mõttes anonüümne.
487
01:07:53,407 --> 01:07:57,927
Ma olen sellega küll harjunud,
aga siiski on vahel veider,
488
01:07:58,807 --> 01:08:00,847
kui mind teistele tutvustades ütled:
489
01:08:01,007 --> 01:08:03,887
„See on minu abikaasa
ja ka tema mängib saksofoni.”
490
01:08:04,126 --> 01:08:06,526
Siis ma tunnen,
491
01:08:06,726 --> 01:08:10,007
et küll on tore, et sa abiellusid mehega,
kelle hobi on saksofonimäng.
492
01:08:10,246 --> 01:08:12,646
Ma peaksin seda muutma.
Mida ma peaksin ütlema?
493
01:08:13,726 --> 01:08:17,206
See pole üldse seotud…
See on lihtsalt selline olukord…
494
01:08:18,887 --> 01:08:24,406
Sa oled töötanud peamiselt koos
oma bändidega
495
01:08:24,767 --> 01:08:27,406
ja ka mina olen osa sellest.
496
01:08:28,007 --> 01:08:31,967
Aga ma olen alati olnud sideman.
497
01:08:34,607 --> 01:08:37,927
Selles osas oleme erinevad.
– Mina pole sideman.
498
01:08:38,647 --> 01:08:40,647
Ma pole kunagi olnud sideman.
– Just.
499
01:08:40,927 --> 01:08:43,007
Aga mina olen alati olnud sideman.
500
01:08:43,246 --> 01:08:48,567
Ma olen rahul selle rolliga.
Minu jaoks on loomulik,
501
01:08:49,286 --> 01:08:53,007
et pean pingutama selleks,
et leida aega omaenda muusika jaoks.
502
01:08:54,366 --> 01:08:56,607
Siis ma suudan ka edaspidi
503
01:08:57,647 --> 01:08:59,967
toime tulla olles lihtsalt sideman.
504
01:09:14,046 --> 01:09:17,767
Lihtsalt juhtus nii, et need kaks aastat
505
01:09:18,286 --> 01:09:23,847
olid tõenäoliselt mu elu
kõige raskemad aastad. – Jah.
506
01:09:24,046 --> 01:09:30,607
Pidin leppima olukorraga,
et ma ei saa lapsi.
507
01:09:31,246 --> 01:09:37,126
Et ma ei saa kunagi perekonda,
millest tegelikult unistasime.
508
01:09:37,286 --> 01:09:39,607
Me küll eitame seda.
509
01:09:39,807 --> 01:09:45,927
Siiski mõjus rängalt uudis,
et me ei saa lapsi.
510
01:09:46,246 --> 01:09:51,807
See on näide olukorrast,
milles me oleme küll mõlemad,
511
01:09:52,046 --> 01:09:54,687
kuid ebavõrdselt erinevates rollides.
512
01:09:54,847 --> 01:09:58,567
Me pidime sellega leppima…
513
01:10:04,246 --> 01:10:09,126
Harva saad kindla eitava vastuse
olukorra kohta,
514
01:10:09,446 --> 01:10:12,086
mida sa ise muuta ei saa.
515
01:10:12,326 --> 01:10:14,887
Enamasti ei ei tähenda ei.
516
01:10:15,086 --> 01:10:20,086
Aga kui tegemist on meditsiiniga…
517
01:10:20,366 --> 01:10:22,567
Teadusega ei saa ju vaielda.
518
01:10:23,046 --> 01:10:27,486
Ma olen oma hingesopis alati teadnud,
519
01:10:27,767 --> 01:10:31,326
et see ei ole minu jaoks.
520
01:10:31,687 --> 01:10:39,086
Kui sa saad hormoonravi,
pole sa enam sina ise.
521
01:10:39,326 --> 01:10:41,326
Minu isiksus muutus täielikult.
522
01:10:41,887 --> 01:10:46,607
Mitu asja juhtus samal ajal:
põhimõtteliselt lapse kaotus,
523
01:10:47,086 --> 01:10:52,406
sõbra Esta kohutav surm.
524
01:10:55,607 --> 01:10:57,847
See oli mu elu kõige kurvem periood.
525
01:10:58,767 --> 01:11:00,767
Ainult kaotused.
526
01:11:08,727 --> 01:11:12,567
Ma ei teagi,
kuidas kirjeldada seda sügavat kurbust,
527
01:11:12,807 --> 01:11:16,446
mille keskele ma maandusin.
528
01:12:14,847 --> 01:12:16,847
So, what’s new in Tallinn?
529
01:12:17,967 --> 01:12:20,166
Jack shit.
– What?
530
01:12:20,967 --> 01:12:25,647
Jack shit.
We’re sitting too far away from each other.
531
01:12:28,847 --> 01:12:30,847
There was nothing in Tallinn.
532
01:12:32,887 --> 01:12:37,567
I wonder if they’re back from Tallinn.
They wanted to sell their flat.
533
01:12:38,046 --> 01:12:41,246
In Lasnamäe?
It will sell fast.
534
01:12:41,406 --> 01:12:43,767
You think so?
– Definitely.
535
01:12:44,567 --> 01:12:48,486
Apparently bedroom communities
are very popular.
536
01:12:53,567 --> 01:12:59,446
There’s something
I’ve been thinking about since November.
537
01:13:00,446 --> 01:13:08,446
Everywhere you see people emphasising
how important it is to stay humble.
538
01:13:09,967 --> 01:13:13,286
It makes my blood boil.
539
01:13:13,727 --> 01:13:15,647
How long should I stay humble?
540
01:13:15,767 --> 01:13:20,527
What does it mean exactly to be humble?
541
01:13:21,366 --> 01:13:23,366
It means to be grateful.
542
01:13:23,527 --> 01:13:25,527
Grateful?
543
01:13:26,647 --> 01:13:30,687
It makes me violent.
544
01:13:30,807 --> 01:13:32,807
I feel like I want to kick someone.
545
01:13:34,687 --> 01:13:39,286
Should I be humble and grateful
knowing that now is my time?
546
01:13:39,727 --> 01:13:44,486
Now that I feel I’ve taken off,
547
01:13:44,767 --> 01:13:46,767
I have to stay humble?
548
01:13:50,406 --> 01:13:53,206
Who for?
Because I could lose it all any day?
549
01:13:54,246 --> 01:13:56,246
I don’t think that way.
550
01:16:22,847 --> 01:16:26,406
The music included in the film
is from the albums.
551
01:16:26,607 --> 01:16:29,887
Organ, Mass of Mary and MOnuMENT
by Maria Faust.