1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,763
MONTREAL, CANADA
4
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:21,771
BELL CENTRE
5
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:35,285
MATHIEU DUFOUR
AT BELL CENTRE
6
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,688
MATHIEU
DUFOUR
7
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:21,331
Gang! Gang! It's really crazy!
8
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,875
Please!
9
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,423
I'm so handsome from afar, fuck!
10
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:47,065
This is where I find myself stupid,
'cause I didn't ask for steps.
11
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:49,776
It's too high,
I'm not able to climb it, fuck!
12
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:54,197
Can you give me a lift?
Thank you, sir.
13
00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:00,203
Good evening, Bell Centre. How's it going?
14
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,690
Gang?
15
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,527
Gang, you don't know
how much
16
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:36,406
this is the dumbest, stupid idea
I had in the meeting when I said:
17
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,450
I want to see my entrance
at my first Bell Centre.
18
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:45,915
What's gonna happen now, tonight's show's
being recorded, it'll be on Netflix.
19
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:53,631
I know. It doesn't make any sense.
People will be like:
20
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:58,177
I don't know, Bridget Jones, or MatDouf?
21
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,723
For the occasion,
it's actually...
22
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:04,601
I've to make a presentation,
people here know me,
23
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:07,562
but there are people
watching all over the planet.
24
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:10,231
They're saying, "Who is this?"
25
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,317
I'll do an introduction
26
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,820
to the people who are watching us
right now with subtitles.
27
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,074
It's not you I want to talk to.
28
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,702
It's the people
who did the subtitling.
29
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,164
I'm told that they all had a burnout.
30
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,250
They are there
with their bosses saying...
31
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:31,419
"Bitch ass?"
32
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,048
Okay, okay.
33
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:46,184
I'm gonna give a quick introduction
to people watching us on Netflix.
34
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:49,938
I'm Cynthia Malaison. I'm a jazz singer.
35
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,112
The brainstorm, I wanted it
to be like a choir.
36
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,989
They were, "Shut the fuck up."
37
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:02,867
I'm a comedian from Quebec.
38
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:06,371
Proud comedian, speaks French,
French Canadian, Quebecois.
39
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,414
I'm turning into Loco Locass.
40
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:17,757
So, the introductions are done.
If there are any who know me well,
41
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,676
you'll know...
42
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,803
Yes, I hope you know me.
43
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:26,683
I guess one person was like:
I thought it was... Loki.
44
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:32,063
But honestly, if there are people
who know me,
45
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,482
I like to push the jokes far,
I'm a brat.
46
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:37,860
And if you thought
I was going to do my first Bell Centre
47
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,739
without myself coming out of
the trapdoor like a big fucking star,
48
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,741
you don't know me at all!
49
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:50,832
So what we're going to do right now,
I'm going to ask everyone
50
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:52,750
to forget what just happened.
51
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:57,380
Then I'm going to go change, because,
there are insides of this show.
52
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,216
I won' come out
of the trapdoor like this.
53
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:07,640
And here's what's really exciting,
I'm happy about that, okay?
54
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,226
I'm gonna go back,
in Celine Dion's show
55
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,604
I've seen her with a live camera
following her, you know?
56
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:17,358
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna change
and take you with me,
57
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,526
follow me.
58
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,784
GONE TO CHANGE, BACK SOON, HIHI
59
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,745
Apart from that, guys?
60
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,249
Now I'm dressed, that's good.
61
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,460
Are you ready to do the introduction
62
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,378
as if you hadn't seen
me before?
63
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,759
Perfect. Ladies and gentlemen, it's on!
64
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:59,317
Ladies and gentlemen,
live from the Bell Centre,
65
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,611
please welcome,
66
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:06,074
Mathieu Dufour!
67
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,935
Hello, Bell Centre!
68
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:52,662
Okay, now stop!
69
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:57,041
Gang, I almost died 16 times
70
00:06:57,125 --> 00:07:00,628
in the last two minutes,
it doesn't make sense. First,
71
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:04,465
I can't believe
I'm dressed like this in front of people.
72
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,303
We offer psychological help.
We'll talk to you about it.
73
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:14,475
I had big ideas for a one-piece
with diamonds, okay?
74
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,270
Then I was like:
this is beautiful, usually.
75
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,981
Was showing
sample pictures to people.
76
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:22,150
But I was showing Dua Lipa, shit.
77
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:26,237
When I tried it on, I was like,
I don't look like this.
78
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,532
Everyone was:
Confirmed, it's the same.
79
00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:32,243
Of course, it's a surprise.
80
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:41,544
It makes no sense
to do Bell Centre tonight.
81
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,964
Wanted to see as many shows
at the Bell Centre to prepare,
82
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:49,302
you know, despite the fact that
you can't prepare for the wave of love,
83
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,345
when I heard you shouting.
84
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,806
No, don't start.
Thank you very much. No.
85
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:03,274
You're nice, but I would like
to shorten the time my nipples are seen.
86
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,987
You can't prepare for that.
I've seen shows here
87
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,531
the last few months to prepare.
88
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,201
I was watching
the international stars here.
89
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,995
So, I was taking notes,
with my phone
90
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:19,624
saying to myself:
When I do my Bell Centre,
91
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,250
that's what it's gonna be.
92
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,795
And I dreamed really big
when I got to the brainstorm
93
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:30,593
because... I didn't expect it,
but I don't have Justin Bieber's budget!
94
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:34,555
My team jumped
when I said in the meeting,
95
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:37,517
he came in a plane,
came down from the ceiling.
96
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,811
They say: impossible,
we can push you in a cart,
97
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,189
or a grocery basket.
98
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:48,110
Afterwards, I had seen,
in Celine Dion's show,
99
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:52,823
and in Justin Bieber's show,
the artists had drones on stage.
100
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,075
Have you seen that?
101
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,620
Like a drone show,
Celine is in the middle,
102
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,456
her dress is made of Kleenex, then fire!
103
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,334
They're flying away,
150 drones circling around.
104
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:06,796
I was afraid
that it would hit her in the head.
105
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,714
Imagine the anguish:
106
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,343
Cut the hair extensions!
107
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:14,845
Celine's big wig flying away.
108
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:18,307
Then it flies away...
109
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,646
I came to see a lot of shows.
The drones, it made me flip.
110
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,606
Budget for drones is different.
111
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,525
I told my team about drones,
112
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:31,654
they went into problem solving mode,
said, "We'll figure something".
113
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,906
Like, full of good intentions.
114
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,534
I don't wanna look down on them.
115
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,370
They said, "Steve, the technician,
could go up
116
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:41,831
and lower down a flashlight
with a rope!"
117
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,006
So,
118
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,135
I don't know why,
I'm going that way.
119
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:58,889
When I run in these boots,
I take a big swing and I can't stop.
120
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:02,435
Don't be surprised
if I disappear into the dark.
121
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:06,856
For those who don't know,
is there any, just by applause,
122
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,900
this is the first time
I've done a show here.
123
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,612
Like, if you didn't know.
124
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:15,573
I've talked about it
in the last few weeks.
125
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:18,075
To the point I have a rule with friends.
126
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,870
Each time I say Bell Centre,
I give them $100.
127
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,080
It was like, Mathieu,
shut your yap.
128
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,460
This is the first time I'm doing a show
here, and you know,
129
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,671
I was, "Don't scream,"
because when you do, it's loud.
130
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:33,424
I don't wanna burn you
or crawl you out.
131
00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:37,428
It takes long to stop. I don't wanna
disturb you. Understand? So...
132
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:43,684
Someone who says, "Understand?"
You feel like hitting him.
133
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:45,519
Understand?
134
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:47,313
Yes.
135
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:51,525
Do you understand that if you say this,
a chair's coming your way? Yes.
136
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,696
I have a sweaty buttock.
137
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:02,578
No, having a sweaty buttock,
sounds like Sweaty Bob.
138
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,080
It sounds great, like.
139
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,832
...is Sweaty Bob.
140
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,711
Sorry.
I didn't think of this.
141
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:14,298
That's fun. I improvise,
can't prepare jokes in advance.
142
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,257
So...
143
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,844
with snaps of the fingers,
144
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,639
are there people
seeing me for the first time?
145
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,435
Please stop, it's terrible.
146
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:31,023
From my point of view, it's like
if there were 500 rats that came running.
147
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,694
There are people
seeing me for the first time.
148
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,155
To explain how it works in my head,
149
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:41,409
I don't really know
where the show is going,
150
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:42,660
I don't plan things.
151
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:46,539
Soon as something pops into my head,
that's fun, 'cause I go.
152
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,874
I'm a big fan of parentheses.
153
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:54,130
Parentheses that never end.
Inception parentheses.
154
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:59,051
It makes me look like a drunk lady
in a house that runs away.
155
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:03,305
We're gonna talk about this,
a door, then I'm like, huh!
156
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,391
Another door and I go again.
157
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:09,019
There are small cues,
Netflix said to themselves:
158
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:12,565
this fucker says so much shit,
we can't put this as is.
159
00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:17,361
The show might be me coming out
of the trapdoor, going back in.
160
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:22,950
Imagine, the shortest
Netflix Special ever!
161
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,870
Presented by Netflix, Mat Duf!
162
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:33,377
I won't spend the show wearing this,
I'll change.
163
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:36,505
We will make a Tik-Tok transition, okay?
164
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:41,969
I look like I'm 50 and speak
the iPad language, but you'll understand.
165
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,346
I look like...
166
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,724
I don't want to go there.
167
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,060
I'll say it, but quickly.
168
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,814
I was going to say
that I looked like the aunt
169
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,149
who films the shows
170
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:57,693
with an iPad.
It's impressive, though?
171
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:01,322
They hold the iPad
at arm's length all the way
172
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:05,951
and it's not the weight of the iPad,
it's the leather case that flaps under.
173
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:16,629
We're at the point where I'll change
for your happiness and mine.
174
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,422
I'm gonna put myself here.
175
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:22,593
I'm gonna ask everyone
to raise their arms, and at "go,"
176
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:26,805
from the back, you will flap
your arms to make a wave.
177
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,683
Bend your arms and visualize
178
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,770
that you have my cloth in your palms.
179
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:35,564
For the next Bell Centre,
we might not do that.
180
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,276
When lowering your arms,
make this noise...
181
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:44,240
If you hear your neighbor
from behind growling,
182
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,076
lower your arms.
If you hear it too soon,
183
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,119
it's just weird.
184
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,957
Ready? In three, two, one. Here we go.
185
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:19,733
It's sick, 'cause when I jump,
it ties my hair.
186
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,570
Does my... It looks like...
187
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,114
Be 100% honest, is my bun okay?
188
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,992
I know,
I have fucking beautiful hair.
189
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,745
In my life, I have been in the cadets.
190
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:36,041
The Canadian Armed Forces
are here.
191
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:39,712
I've been in the cadets
192
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:43,048
and I was not the next hero,
I would not win the war.
193
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:48,053
Here's a shocking phrase:
I've never been very male.
194
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:51,348
Like, I have never been active,
like hands in a motor.
195
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,391
You know?
196
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:55,394
One time, the cadets said:
let's go out, everybody.
197
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:59,773
Today's activity
is we're going for a game of paintball.
198
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:04,236
I am, on a scale of one
to Call of Duty...
199
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,280
I'm like running away.
200
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,033
I didn't feel like paintballing.
201
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:12,036
I'm motivating myself,
"It's gonna be fun.
202
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,288
You'll have fun! You'll have fun!"
203
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:15,998
I get there, they're like,
204
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:19,251
"Watch out when you get shot
in the legs, it can hurt."
205
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:22,671
I was, "How is this fun, fuck?
What's the sport?"
206
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:27,176
For me, a game when you finish with
bruises big as a ball of rubber paint,
207
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,261
it's not a game, fuck, it's death.
208
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,805
They're like, it's gonna be fun.
209
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:35,601
So the game starts,
but I have the worst anguish of my life,
210
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,729
I'm so bad,
I'm the laughing stock of my team,
211
00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:41,148
I'm behind, I'm like,
"When does it end?
212
00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:44,026
Hey, when does it end?"
I hate everything.
213
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:46,695
I am hidden,
and at one point I'm lying back,
214
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,782
but the field is super big,
215
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:52,660
I spend the whole time
in the barricade way back.
216
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,287
I never reached the paintball game.
217
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,957
Could've stayed in the trunk,
it's the same.
218
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,917
It wouldn't made a difference.
219
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,629
Lying in the sedan with a paint gun.
I would have participated.
220
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:06,465
I could have
been back off with a Fiat, later.
221
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:11,178
I'm in the back, I'm afraid, I hate it,
every time a game starts, I stay hidden.
222
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:13,263
It's now the third or fourth game,
223
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,933
I don't know what breath
of courage takes me,
224
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:19,228
but I'm here,
it's the war! Fire!
225
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,481
I lay backwards and I saw,
when they say go,
226
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:25,526
everyone was gonna hide
behind a barricade,
227
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:28,612
they had time,
because the other team was moving.
228
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,699
You had to guess
how far you could go,
229
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:36,745
when you saw a helmet,
you would run, and hide. I'm like...
230
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:40,457
Everyone runs in army mode, like this.
231
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,086
They say go,
and I'm like...
232
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,464
I'm like "Call for help,
this is not good."
233
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:48,757
I hide and stay put,
234
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,844
the opportunity is in front of me.
I am hidden,
235
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:55,014
I haven't seen anyone yet.
I haven't attacked anyone.
236
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:59,226
I'm like,
I'll hide behind my prey,
237
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,686
at some point, I see...
238
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,605
in the distance, in front of me,
239
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,441
the opponent.
240
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:08,277
I see someone
standing in the middle.
241
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,653
I say...
242
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,196
I'm like...
243
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,786
I empty my magazine into his back.
244
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,623
I'm like, fuck, we're gonna win!
245
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,295
And I'm like...
246
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:31,091
I'm out of paint, you have to go
to Sico. I'm like...
247
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,720
I emptied my clip,
the adrenaline kicks in.
248
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:36,305
I've never been so proud.
249
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,974
I'm like, oh my God, I'm straight.
Who's gay?
250
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:44,229
I was like, bring me to the balls!
That's not true.
251
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:55,074
I said at the Gala des Olivier
that I was gay. Now, Netflix. I am gay.
252
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:00,579
So,
253
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:05,959
I empty my magazine, adrenaline kicks in,
I go back to the players' bench,
254
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,920
proud as a peacock. Here I come:
255
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:11,924
Holy fuck, we won
the game, because of me!
256
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:16,595
I walk like this, I arrive at the bench,
I don't even know
257
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,847
how to tell my friends how proud I am
258
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,182
for doing this.
259
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,893
And then, the referee whistles.
260
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:24,853
The referee's like...
261
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,606
Everybody, come here. It's not good.
262
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,109
I'm like, what's up, shit?
263
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,279
What's up? We are...
264
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,574
I have chills of discomfort.
265
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,995
We are two teams of 20 players.
We are 40.
266
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:46,583
We are 40 on the field.
267
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:50,546
We take off our helmets.
The referee says, "I need to talk to you."
268
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:54,633
Something terrible happened
in the last game. Listen.
269
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:58,679
Now I say to myself,
who did something?
270
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,266
But beyond any doubt
that I am at fault.
271
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:04,768
Damn it, I won. You know what I mean.
272
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:08,147
I'm like... What is it?
Kind of a show-off.
273
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,191
I talk to the referee
as if I were an accomplice.
274
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,903
I am lying in a Fiat since 2002,
shit. He had never seen me.
275
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,031
He's like, you were there?
There, I'm like,
276
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,325
"Yes, what is it?" And then,
277
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:23,996
The referee's like:
I'm explaining a simple rule,
278
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,831
I thought everyone knew.
279
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,959
Meet Johanne, the photographer.
280
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:46,393
Poor Johanne takes a step forward.
281
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,022
Painted edge to edge.
282
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:58,071
I'm watching this from afar, I'm like,
it looks like my opponent.
283
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:04,411
The referee says, "I present you Johanne,
who is a non-player character.
284
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:07,414
That's why she has a jacket
and a camera."
285
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:18,467
At that point, I'm standing,
but my soul has been flushed out my ass.
286
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,970
I can't. No, I can't. No, no.
287
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:25,390
My first instinct is to say,
"Seriously, gang, not cool."
288
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:30,020
Not cool. At the same time,
289
00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:33,398
Johanne, I've never seen someone so dirty.
290
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,902
When she got shot in the back
the first time, she was like,
291
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,780
"Who's the idiot?
I have a Nikon! Fuck!"
292
00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:44,326
She turned, I gave her kind of...
Up to her face.
293
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,503
Then, I did some fucking cutting.
294
00:20:56,338 --> 00:21:00,008
I'm like, "Who did this?
Very stupid, not cool"
295
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,635
And the referee said:
296
00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:06,515
"We'll know who it is, you have
different colors of balls."
297
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:17,901
When I was in elementary school,
I was rambunctious.
298
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:19,820
You won't be surprised.
299
00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:23,073
One of my teachers
was on the verge of retirement.
300
00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:24,741
And it showed.
301
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:30,163
Like, sometimes I felt like
the elastic was stretched very thin.
302
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:33,333
I was like,
"Ma'am, can I go to the bathroom?"
303
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,377
She was like, "I'm not well."
304
00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:40,424
I was like...
305
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,927
"Can I go pee or..."
306
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:48,682
She wasn't doing well.
She was at the end of her rope.
307
00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:52,144
It was in the year when the Tamagotchis
308
00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:53,603
were in full swing.
309
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:56,440
Everyone remembers the Tamagotchis?
310
00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:01,737
Don't tempt me on this, okay?
Tamagotchi passion.
311
00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:05,032
This nice little toy from
the '90's, early 2000s,
312
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:07,242
where you had to keep a thing alive.
313
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,037
Not sure what it was.
There were three buttons.
314
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:13,665
There were expensive Tamagotchis
with functions, like toys.
315
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:17,544
I had the Tamagotchi with one button.
It was crying, press or die.
316
00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:22,507
I had this Tamagotchi, and everyone
in school started to have one.
317
00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:24,801
At school, every time something gets--
318
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:28,305
When something becomes trendy,
the teachers forbid it.
319
00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:31,975
Because everyone gets distracted,
and doesn't listen in class.
320
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:35,270
That year, Tamagotchis were banned
during school hours.
321
00:22:35,353 --> 00:22:39,733
Since it was prohibited,
we played under our desks.
322
00:22:41,151 --> 00:22:44,905
The teacher was like, "Geography!"
Everyone else was like...
323
00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:51,161
Under the desk. And at one point,
the teacher snapped.
324
00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:54,915
She snapped. It's a Friday,
I'll always remember it.
325
00:22:54,998 --> 00:22:56,291
A Friday in September,
326
00:22:56,374 --> 00:22:59,002
I don't remember the exact date,
but Friday.
327
00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:02,005
We were leaving for a long weekend,
off on Monday.
328
00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:05,217
We are in the classroom,
playing with our Tamagotchis.
329
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:09,679
We're playing and then my teacher,
her name's Carole, okay?
330
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:12,974
She's on the verge of retirement,
not well at all.
331
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:16,269
No one's looking at her,
we're on our Tamagotchis.
332
00:23:16,353 --> 00:23:19,189
She throws a hell of a punch on the desk.
333
00:23:19,272 --> 00:23:21,858
It's like...
334
00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:27,697
And she starts to swear in front
of the third grade class.
335
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:30,075
"Here, damn it!"
336
00:23:32,494 --> 00:23:36,706
Everyone is like, "Carole, relax."
337
00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:42,087
She says,
"You and your fucking Panangotchis!"
338
00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:45,590
I'm like, "Shut up, Carole."
339
00:23:46,383 --> 00:23:49,219
Surely, someone said
it's Tamagotchis. She did...
340
00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:50,887
She was not well!
341
00:23:51,638 --> 00:23:54,558
"Your fucking Panangotchis! I am..."
342
00:23:54,641 --> 00:23:58,395
This is a point of no return.
We just lost the beautiful Carole.
343
00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:02,149
She will leave for the long weekend
and never come back!
344
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:07,279
She shouts, "Your fucking Panangotchis!"
345
00:24:07,362 --> 00:24:08,905
"I'm disgusted!"
346
00:24:08,989 --> 00:24:11,741
We're like, "Shit, what's going on?"
347
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:14,911
She says,
"What I'm going to do, is very simple."
348
00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,955
We were like, "Listening."
349
00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:22,210
She goes to the closet,
she opens it, she takes a broom,
350
00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:26,590
she unscrews the end of the broom,
she throws it at the end of her arms...
351
00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:30,677
Do you remember that on the Tamagotchis,
there was a key ring?
352
00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:34,306
Carole is like,
353
00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:38,018
"When I pass,
you will put your Panangotchis
354
00:24:38,101 --> 00:24:40,145
one by one on the broom!"
355
00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:44,065
We're like,
"Carole, don't fuck around, shit."
356
00:24:47,402 --> 00:24:51,740
"Monday is a holiday.
If we're not there, they will all die!"
357
00:24:55,118 --> 00:24:56,411
Carole is like...
358
00:25:00,123 --> 00:25:04,085
She takes her old broom of the devil,
she arrives in front and says,
359
00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:05,629
"Go!"
360
00:25:05,712 --> 00:25:08,256
She goes around the classroom,
the 32 desks,
361
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:10,842
she aligns all the Tamagotchis on it.
362
00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:13,553
She takes them all in
and you think it's over.
363
00:25:13,637 --> 00:25:15,597
In front of the class...
364
00:25:17,098 --> 00:25:19,059
She benches them!
365
00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,562
She benches the beautiful stick
366
00:25:22,646 --> 00:25:26,900
with all the little Tamagotchis
hanging on it, there were 30 of them.
367
00:25:26,983 --> 00:25:29,861
She says, "You won't see them again!"
368
00:25:35,242 --> 00:25:37,035
She throws them in the closet.
369
00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:41,456
We are in panic.
We are crying, there are students crying,
370
00:25:41,539 --> 00:25:44,459
because they won't make it
through the weekend.
371
00:25:44,542 --> 00:25:48,672
Catastrophe. We cry, our parents come
to get us. Carole left already.
372
00:25:48,755 --> 00:25:52,759
We say to ourselves, "When we leave
the class, we don't look at her!"
373
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:56,179
We leave for the weekend like this.
374
00:25:59,349 --> 00:26:02,060
Fuck, she just did a genocide.
It's appalling.
375
00:26:02,644 --> 00:26:06,273
We leave for the weekend.
I remember getting into mother's car,
376
00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:09,693
"Mom," like my mom is
going to take my side.
377
00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:11,027
Like she's gonna do,
378
00:26:11,111 --> 00:26:14,322
"What?" And she would go
to see the principal, you know?
379
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,117
"Mom! She stole our Tamagotchis!
380
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,744
She put them on a stick
and in the closet!"
381
00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:21,705
My mom is like, "I don't care."
382
00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:26,918
She takes off and leaves.
383
00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:30,088
We spent the weekend--
I remember childhood trauma.
384
00:26:30,171 --> 00:26:33,550
It's the weekend, I'm at home,
in my bed and I hear...
385
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:36,136
I hear them dying.
386
00:26:37,053 --> 00:26:39,848
In the wardrobe, at school,
you know? I was like,
387
00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:42,976
"Seriously, I hope the janitor
will feed them."
388
00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:46,187
I really wanted someone to save the day.
389
00:26:46,271 --> 00:26:49,107
Finally, on Monday,
the worst part of the story,
390
00:26:49,190 --> 00:26:52,527
it was the moment
when the beautiful Carole gave us back
391
00:26:52,610 --> 00:26:55,905
our dead Tamagotchis
staring at us in the eyes.
392
00:26:55,989 --> 00:26:57,782
I was, "You're a crazy bitch."
393
00:27:00,201 --> 00:27:03,163
For the past four years,
I have been an uncle.
394
00:27:03,246 --> 00:27:07,167
I'm not going to make bad uncle's jokes.
We're going somewhere else.
395
00:27:07,250 --> 00:27:10,170
I keep asking myself,
when you become an uncle,
396
00:27:10,253 --> 00:27:13,214
when you say things,
it sounds like an uncle.
397
00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:16,718
I realized it was too late.
Especially when I talk about...
398
00:27:16,801 --> 00:27:20,472
That's when I... Just by saying it,
you're gonna say, come on!
399
00:27:20,555 --> 00:27:21,973
Shit, how old is he!
400
00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:23,516
Get ready, okay?
401
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,227
I look like a cool uncle
walking into a party,
402
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:27,896
cap to the side...
403
00:27:28,688 --> 00:27:30,774
when I talk about weed!
404
00:27:33,234 --> 00:27:35,612
It doesn't work. I've tried everything!
405
00:27:35,695 --> 00:27:38,490
It looks like
I'm a gentleman in my mid-50s,
406
00:27:38,573 --> 00:27:40,367
all, "Anyone got any ganja?"
407
00:27:41,951 --> 00:27:44,245
The first time
I smoked weed in my life,
408
00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:46,873
I remember,
I had to go to physical therapy.
409
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:52,670
The reason... For the stupidest reason,
my friends made me smoke,
410
00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:54,547
I didn't know the effects.
411
00:27:54,631 --> 00:27:58,510
I'm afraid they'll make fun of me,
because a guy in my high school,
412
00:27:58,593 --> 00:28:01,137
people made him smoke... parsley.
413
00:28:02,555 --> 00:28:05,683
The guy was full on placebo-effect,
edge-to-edge.
414
00:28:05,767 --> 00:28:07,477
He was high, okay?
415
00:28:08,061 --> 00:28:11,523
From the first year to the last,
he was called "Parsley."
416
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:15,610
So, I was fucking afraid
of becoming Rosemary.
417
00:28:17,070 --> 00:28:20,365
I stay away from herbs, okay?
I was really scared.
418
00:28:20,448 --> 00:28:24,869
And the first time I smoked weed.
Get ready, gang, it's going to be a blast.
419
00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:28,832
I smoked weed, I was with my friends.
I'm smoking ganja and there.
420
00:28:29,624 --> 00:28:31,751
I blunt a weeds?
421
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:34,629
What are the other words?
422
00:28:35,505 --> 00:28:37,674
Ya' rollin' joints?
423
00:28:38,341 --> 00:28:40,343
No, less. Less.
424
00:28:41,511 --> 00:28:44,931
I smoke a spliff, I'm a little high.
A lot, it's bad.
425
00:28:45,432 --> 00:28:48,351
I'm high on drugs and I'm walking home.
426
00:28:49,269 --> 00:28:52,105
Listening to Beyoncé in my ears.
427
00:28:52,188 --> 00:28:55,608
And I got so wiggly
that I loosened my left hip.
428
00:29:00,321 --> 00:29:01,573
Gang?
429
00:29:02,198 --> 00:29:05,034
Me, a stiff fart walking to my food trip.
430
00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:08,747
I see a big jar of peanut butter
waiting for me and I am...
431
00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:12,292
I give so much of myself
that the next day, I woke up like,
432
00:29:12,375 --> 00:29:14,377
"I have to be taken out of bed."
433
00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:18,673
Like a big claw at the arcades
that would come and take me out.
434
00:29:19,340 --> 00:29:23,052
It wouldn't work. It never works.
It would have grabbed my hair.
435
00:29:25,180 --> 00:29:27,223
I broke a hip for a spliff.
436
00:29:27,307 --> 00:29:29,934
Do you understand how bad my life is?
437
00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:33,188
How did I do it? I hope someone was there.
438
00:29:33,271 --> 00:29:37,317
I couldn't hear anything. I had
my headphones on. I was hearing...
439
00:29:39,444 --> 00:29:40,695
Outside you'd hear...
440
00:29:45,408 --> 00:29:46,493
It's terrible.
441
00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:51,664
Another experience with weed,
after the National School of Humor,
442
00:29:51,748 --> 00:29:53,833
we went to do shows in Belgium.
443
00:29:54,417 --> 00:29:59,339
While we were there,
we went on a trip, a day in Amsterdam,
444
00:29:59,422 --> 00:30:02,383
and that was when
weed was not yet legal in Canada.
445
00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:06,429
I had friends who were really happy
to go to Amsterdam to...
446
00:30:14,270 --> 00:30:16,606
It's good, I find plenty!
447
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:21,027
For weed, busy, cover girl. Okay?
448
00:30:22,362 --> 00:30:25,240
My friends were happy
to go to Amsterdam to smoke.
449
00:30:25,323 --> 00:30:27,992
But me, I was like,
"This is going to be bad."
450
00:30:28,076 --> 00:30:30,245
"No, give me some parsley!"
451
00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:34,415
We arrive in Amsterdam,
I think they misunderstood
452
00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:37,961
when we ordered,
a little lady gave us some ganja.
453
00:30:38,044 --> 00:30:40,839
Because they gave us a "Baby's arm."
454
00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:45,009
I don't know if you get the image.
I've never seen such a big spliff.
455
00:30:46,469 --> 00:30:50,765
Yes, the spliff was the "Baby's arm."
They didn't kill a child. Excuse me.
456
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:57,063
Hello, we'd like some weed.
He gives us a toddler. No!
457
00:30:58,773 --> 00:31:01,025
I don't know what to tell you.
458
00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:04,028
Baby arm, chair leg, pork tenderloin.
459
00:31:04,821 --> 00:31:09,117
They give us a really big spliff.
I was with some friends used to smoking,
460
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,161
who smoked all the time,
they were not scared.
461
00:31:12,245 --> 00:31:15,415
They hold it like this,
and someone holds it for them.
462
00:31:15,498 --> 00:31:17,208
It comes with a woman saying,
463
00:31:17,292 --> 00:31:19,919
"My name is Josée,
put the joint on my back."
464
00:31:21,462 --> 00:31:23,715
Josée, the old spliff table.
465
00:31:26,384 --> 00:31:29,971
It's a job there, in Amsterdam. It's a...
466
00:31:30,972 --> 00:31:32,640
Blond Table... Later.
467
00:31:34,392 --> 00:31:35,727
We smoke,
468
00:31:36,311 --> 00:31:39,647
all my friends, puff, puff, pass.
469
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:43,693
Puff, puff, pass... Suck, suck, pass, No!
470
00:31:47,196 --> 00:31:49,699
That's a different night, let me tell you!
471
00:31:52,035 --> 00:31:55,038
That evening, Josée was there too!
This is not true.
472
00:32:00,126 --> 00:32:02,003
It's funny when I'm performing,
473
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:04,797
because I'm making myself laugh.
Let's move on.
474
00:32:05,465 --> 00:32:06,883
Suck, suck, pass!
475
00:32:12,055 --> 00:32:13,556
Taste and give.
476
00:32:16,643 --> 00:32:20,605
I feel like we're going down a path
and we won't come back...
477
00:32:21,856 --> 00:32:24,359
So, Josée... no, she isn't there.
478
00:32:24,442 --> 00:32:27,320
She's bent over,
she's got the spliff on her back.
479
00:32:27,403 --> 00:32:28,655
Josée is like this.
480
00:32:29,948 --> 00:32:33,993
We all smoke, it seems like my friends
can handle weed better than me.
481
00:32:34,077 --> 00:32:38,122
Not there, 'cause the spliff
was really strong. Everyone is shattered.
482
00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:41,334
We're in a small café.
The atmosphere is a bit creepy.
483
00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:44,295
Everyone is sitting around the table,
I'm sitting,
484
00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:48,132
and I started the biggest
bad trip I've ever had in my life.
485
00:32:48,216 --> 00:32:51,719
I stare at the table
and the table is glass.
486
00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:54,639
There are gears underneath
and the table moves.
487
00:32:54,722 --> 00:32:58,351
First, I was, "What's the idea of having
a table like that
488
00:32:58,434 --> 00:33:01,187
in a place where the world is altered?"
489
00:33:01,270 --> 00:33:04,941
Even a plain old Ikea would be fine?
No, problem.
490
00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:09,362
I am like... the table moves, and then...
491
00:33:14,701 --> 00:33:18,204
A friend of mine, Madeleine,
decides to go to the bathroom.
492
00:33:18,287 --> 00:33:21,290
She is in the same state,
she goes to the bathrooms,
493
00:33:21,374 --> 00:33:23,543
but the bathroom of this indoor café
494
00:33:23,626 --> 00:33:27,463
is one where they decided
to put the light switch outside.
495
00:33:28,214 --> 00:33:29,799
It should be illegal.
496
00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:33,678
Sometimes you look
for it for a long time, even sober.
497
00:33:33,761 --> 00:33:37,473
Imagine when you're high.
Now Madeleine goes to the bathrooms...
498
00:33:38,975 --> 00:33:42,770
the answer to the whole solution was this:
The switch is outside.
499
00:33:42,854 --> 00:33:46,733
Madeleine goes into the bathroom,
in the dark, she closes the door,
500
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:48,943
she starts to feel around.
501
00:33:51,487 --> 00:33:53,322
She's high and in the dark.
502
00:33:54,115 --> 00:33:57,035
She starts to touch around
to find the switch.
503
00:33:57,118 --> 00:33:59,829
She will never think that it is outside.
504
00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:02,540
She leaves, she makes a first turn.
505
00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:06,085
It was a big bathroom, you know.
506
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:13,926
In the dark, for her,
she experienced death.
507
00:34:14,010 --> 00:34:18,473
Must've been terrible. She talks about it.
I say, "See a psychiatrist, baby."
508
00:34:19,348 --> 00:34:23,478
So, she is like this, she turns around,
she doesn't find it and does...
509
00:34:24,729 --> 00:34:26,647
I know! It must be higher!
510
00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:36,115
Fuck, she does another round.
511
00:34:36,991 --> 00:34:40,953
You're like, she'll understand!
It has to be the outer model.
512
00:34:41,746 --> 00:34:46,042
She is like... I know! It must be
for people with reduced mobility!
513
00:34:46,125 --> 00:34:49,337
They put it lower. So, Madeleine...
514
00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:54,133
She told me about it.
Madeleine, was there for half an hour.
515
00:34:54,217 --> 00:34:58,387
In the dark, scrubbing the bone walls
of a bathroom. She was...
516
00:35:02,517 --> 00:35:05,353
I'm like... "There, pee in the dark! Pee!"
517
00:35:05,853 --> 00:35:07,188
"Pee, Madeleine, pee!"
518
00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:11,567
While that's happening in the bathroom,
519
00:35:11,651 --> 00:35:14,695
but in real time,
in a movie, we would see my scene,
520
00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:17,198
I am at the table, I fix the gear.
521
00:35:20,243 --> 00:35:21,702
At one point, I look up.
522
00:35:22,578 --> 00:35:23,746
Where is Madeleine?
523
00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:28,042
Now I'm buzzing,
because Madeleine is not here.
524
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:31,546
And Madeleine has been so long
in the old dumpy bathroom,
525
00:35:31,629 --> 00:35:36,801
that my brain went to places
from where it can never return.
526
00:35:36,884 --> 00:35:41,639
I've thought about the worst scenarios.
I'm on a trip, this is supposed to be fun.
527
00:35:41,722 --> 00:35:44,767
I'm stoned in an old dirty café,
sitting at a table
528
00:35:44,851 --> 00:35:47,186
and I think that my best friend is dead.
529
00:35:48,062 --> 00:35:52,358
I experienced the mourning of
my best friend staring at a moving table!
530
00:35:52,441 --> 00:35:55,111
I was like, "Madeleine!" I was crying.
531
00:35:55,194 --> 00:35:59,240
I was anxious and then, immediately,
my brain... I'm at a point where
532
00:35:59,323 --> 00:36:01,868
I googled the number
of the Canadian embassy
533
00:36:01,951 --> 00:36:05,246
to know how to repatriate a body!
534
00:36:12,503 --> 00:36:15,548
I'm googling embassy.com.
535
00:36:15,631 --> 00:36:19,552
How do you reach the embassy?
What is an embassy? I'm thinking...
536
00:36:19,635 --> 00:36:23,556
What is an embassy? Ambassador.
I do slam poetry, I was going mad.
537
00:36:24,599 --> 00:36:27,476
Embassy, ambassador, barricaded!
Understand?
538
00:36:28,978 --> 00:36:30,938
Remains... In any case.
539
00:36:31,814 --> 00:36:34,942
I'm like... I look up
and I see Madeleine coming back,
540
00:36:35,026 --> 00:36:37,028
I think I see a ghost.
541
00:36:38,529 --> 00:36:40,072
I'm like...
542
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:44,410
So I'm like--
543
00:36:44,493 --> 00:36:48,164
The evening passes too quickly
when I don't want it to end.
544
00:36:48,247 --> 00:36:51,209
I locked the doors,
you are stuck here, shit!
545
00:36:52,585 --> 00:36:56,297
I'll go with one last anecdote.
I'll tell this quickly.
546
00:36:56,380 --> 00:36:59,175
I'll close it quickly,
because it's quite funny,
547
00:36:59,258 --> 00:37:02,094
I went to my conventum.
There was a lot of fuss.
548
00:37:02,178 --> 00:37:03,763
Before my conventum, yes.
549
00:37:03,846 --> 00:37:06,307
I look like an uncle again, I said "Fuss."
550
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:10,144
The organizers of my conventum
have announced
551
00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:14,357
on the Facebook group of my conventum
that we were going to eat fondue.
552
00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:17,610
I was angry too.
553
00:37:19,195 --> 00:37:21,447
I'm like, "This is impossible, gang."
554
00:37:21,530 --> 00:37:23,407
First, we just got out of COVID.
555
00:37:23,491 --> 00:37:27,703
Fondue, I will be sitting with people
that I don't know very well.
556
00:37:27,787 --> 00:37:31,374
I'm not gonna dip a piece of meat
with my high school bullies.
557
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:35,753
Impossible. I did some storytelling
to make jokes about it,
558
00:37:35,836 --> 00:37:38,965
but the people who were organizing
took it personally,
559
00:37:39,048 --> 00:37:41,676
like I was attacking their family.
560
00:37:41,759 --> 00:37:45,054
Big post like,
if you are not happy, organize it!
561
00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:46,389
No, no.
562
00:37:48,266 --> 00:37:50,851
Relax, calm down!
563
00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:55,022
It's a joke, but at the same time,
it's a shitty dinner.
564
00:37:55,648 --> 00:37:59,193
Finally, they changed the meal.
565
00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:01,404
It was a buffet, get your plates!
566
00:38:01,487 --> 00:38:06,242
Every time I passed the table of
the organizing committee, it was funny.
567
00:38:06,325 --> 00:38:11,205
I was passing by with my cold sandwiches,
"Fondue would have been so much better."
568
00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:18,462
They wanted to kill me.
They wanted to kill me.
569
00:38:18,546 --> 00:38:21,882
Something happened that
I didn't mention on social media,
570
00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:26,178
I was afraid it would be criminal.
But, I'm going to tell it on Netflix.
571
00:38:28,389 --> 00:38:30,433
I am okay with it.
572
00:38:30,516 --> 00:38:33,185
I'm down to tell you about it.
573
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:37,064
So you're pretty close! How is it going?
574
00:38:38,357 --> 00:38:40,693
Two people didn't show up! I hate them.
575
00:38:42,069 --> 00:38:45,823
At the end of my conventum,
we were in Saguenay, with my friends,
576
00:38:45,906 --> 00:38:48,743
we decide... It's 4:00 am, we are tipsy,
577
00:38:48,826 --> 00:38:51,579
we really want to go eat crap, okay?
578
00:38:51,662 --> 00:38:56,125
We are heading towards
the most famous fast-food chain,
579
00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,672
I don't know if we can say it,
because of Netflix... McDonald's!
580
00:39:03,466 --> 00:39:07,428
The conventum is over,
classic drunk and tipsy behavior,
581
00:39:07,511 --> 00:39:09,388
you dream of eating crap.
582
00:39:09,472 --> 00:39:11,265
We take a cab to the McDoo.
583
00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:15,061
When we arrive there,
we realize that the McDonald's is closed.
584
00:39:15,144 --> 00:39:18,147
We ask our taxi driver--
we are just too nice--
585
00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:21,525
We are not that nice.
We're loud and we're a little soft.
586
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:23,903
Like, carry us!
587
00:39:24,945 --> 00:39:27,198
I'm like, "Hey, McDonald's is closed."
588
00:39:27,281 --> 00:39:29,867
"Is it possible to drive us
somewhere else?"
589
00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:30,910
"No."
590
00:39:32,953 --> 00:39:34,955
I am really insulted.
591
00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:37,666
I go out
with all the decorum in the world.
592
00:39:37,750 --> 00:39:40,628
I swear, I said it
before I slammed the door,
593
00:39:40,711 --> 00:39:43,672
I try to stand straight,
"I'm really disappointed."
594
00:39:46,008 --> 00:39:48,594
I'm not his mother, he doesn't care!
595
00:39:48,677 --> 00:39:51,222
"I'm not angry, I'm disappointed, Steve."
596
00:39:56,352 --> 00:40:00,398
We are lost in a McDonald's
parking lot at 4:00 am.
597
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:04,193
My friends are doing other things,
they try to call another cab.
598
00:40:04,276 --> 00:40:09,156
I'm like, "It pisses me off
that McDonald's is closed!"
599
00:40:10,241 --> 00:40:11,617
I'm sure I did that.
600
00:40:13,327 --> 00:40:15,287
I'm like... so...
601
00:40:16,247 --> 00:40:17,540
A pain in the ass.
602
00:40:17,623 --> 00:40:20,376
It's a big ram in my head.
603
00:40:20,459 --> 00:40:24,422
Fuck, the pandemic has stolen
our fast food! I'm not well.
604
00:40:26,715 --> 00:40:31,095
The shortage, the inflation, come on!
I am committed.
605
00:40:31,804 --> 00:40:34,223
I turned into Guy Nantel. And then,
606
00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:37,768
I did a vox pop. Not true.
607
00:40:39,186 --> 00:40:43,441
I'm at McDonald's,
I am angry in my head, I grab the door,
608
00:40:43,524 --> 00:40:46,402
I'm like, "This is annoying,"
I wanted to have
609
00:40:46,485 --> 00:40:49,238
the satisfaction of living a kind of...
610
00:40:49,321 --> 00:40:51,198
you know, the locked door.
611
00:40:52,992 --> 00:40:54,785
I do...
612
00:40:57,079 --> 00:40:59,331
The McDonald's was not locked.
613
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,507
Yes, wait a minute, god damn it!
614
00:41:09,842 --> 00:41:13,554
No, it's definitely open!
It's definitely open.
615
00:41:13,637 --> 00:41:15,347
It can't be true. I open it.
616
00:41:15,431 --> 00:41:17,892
I say to friends,
"It's open. Let's go in."
617
00:41:19,018 --> 00:41:21,312
Little raptors!
618
00:41:21,395 --> 00:41:23,981
Staged, the door is over there,
I am like...
619
00:41:24,064 --> 00:41:25,483
That's when it's locked.
620
00:41:25,566 --> 00:41:26,567
I'll do it again.
621
00:41:31,071 --> 00:41:32,323
It's fucking fun!
622
00:41:33,073 --> 00:41:37,286
It looks like I'm shooting a gun. Here.
623
00:41:38,996 --> 00:41:40,080
So.
624
00:41:41,373 --> 00:41:44,335
I open the door, it's open.
I'm like, "No, no, no!"
625
00:41:44,418 --> 00:41:45,961
I enter the McDonald's.
626
00:41:46,045 --> 00:41:49,548
I'm in the middle of a McDonald's.
627
00:41:49,632 --> 00:41:52,760
Empty. Alone.
628
00:41:53,594 --> 00:41:56,013
Now I'm like, "No, no, no."
629
00:41:56,096 --> 00:41:59,892
First, in my head,
"Let's get the fryers going!
630
00:41:59,975 --> 00:42:01,477
Making you a happy meal."
631
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,938
Here it goes. I never worked here,
632
00:42:04,021 --> 00:42:07,608
I put on black shoes,
I'm the shift supervisor, I slide in.
633
00:42:09,568 --> 00:42:12,696
You are sweet, thank you.
634
00:42:13,781 --> 00:42:17,409
Just realized I am at the Bell Centre.
Weird, let's keep going.
635
00:42:25,918 --> 00:42:28,712
It's just crazy, okay.
636
00:42:29,588 --> 00:42:32,216
I'm in a McDonald's. It can't be empty.
637
00:42:32,299 --> 00:42:34,718
Doors won't open at 4:00 a.m.,
it's empty.
638
00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:37,805
In my head, I got an order.
I'm making french fries.
639
00:42:37,888 --> 00:42:39,723
They say, "You can't do that."
640
00:42:39,807 --> 00:42:42,268
No, of course. Canceled.
641
00:42:42,351 --> 00:42:45,771
I'll be canceled tomorrow
for stealing from a McDoo.
642
00:42:45,854 --> 00:42:48,816
I tell myself I'm really hungry.
I'm really hungry.
643
00:42:48,899 --> 00:42:51,694
I turn, I see the beautiful rack
full of muffins
644
00:42:51,777 --> 00:42:53,862
for the next day.
645
00:42:56,448 --> 00:43:00,869
I'm like, I'm a thief,
but I feel more like a Robin Hood.
646
00:43:01,870 --> 00:43:04,623
I'll help myself,
647
00:43:04,707 --> 00:43:06,709
but I will pay, you understand?
648
00:43:06,792 --> 00:43:10,671
That's super honest.
In the beginning, I'm intense in life.
649
00:43:10,754 --> 00:43:12,131
It's all or nothing.
650
00:43:12,214 --> 00:43:14,800
In my head it's either I take no muffin,
651
00:43:14,883 --> 00:43:19,638
or I'm going to the basement to get
a hand truck to leave with the fridge.
652
00:43:19,722 --> 00:43:24,143
I was like, "I'm going to leave $2,000,"
I was really not well.
653
00:43:24,226 --> 00:43:28,397
At first, I put out baskets of muffins.
Forty per basket.
654
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:30,649
Put them on counter.
I say to friends,
655
00:43:30,733 --> 00:43:32,860
How much you think it's worth?
656
00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:37,698
A drunk friend of mine,
she takes her calculator--
657
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:40,659
"How much is a muffin?"
658
00:43:40,743 --> 00:43:43,912
We look like three Gollums
in a McDonald's!
659
00:43:45,164 --> 00:43:47,416
These are not rings,
these are muffins.
660
00:43:47,499 --> 00:43:49,001
Our precious ones.
661
00:43:49,710 --> 00:43:53,547
My friend is like, "I calculate 200."
662
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:57,426
My other, more reasonable friend
says, "It's a little ghastly,
663
00:43:57,509 --> 00:44:00,471
there's three of us".
Can't leave with 150 muffins.
664
00:44:00,554 --> 00:44:05,726
Finally, I put the racks back
in the thing. I take four. I leave $15.
665
00:44:05,809 --> 00:44:08,687
Think about it,
it's a mathematical problem.
666
00:44:09,563 --> 00:44:11,607
Mathieu goes to McDonald's.
667
00:44:14,902 --> 00:44:17,863
Mathieu takes 55 muffins.
668
00:44:17,946 --> 00:44:19,907
He places them on the counter.
669
00:44:19,990 --> 00:44:21,700
Puts back 55, subtracts four,
670
00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:24,912
and puts them back.
How much does Mathieu spend?
671
00:44:26,747 --> 00:44:28,374
I left $15,
672
00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:30,376
but I thought the mentality was
673
00:44:30,459 --> 00:44:34,755
so Saguenay-Lac-Saint-Jean,
'cause in Saguenay, I have so many stories
674
00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:37,841
of my relatives going snowmobiling
or anywhere, say,
675
00:44:37,925 --> 00:44:41,261
"Fuck, we are out of gas!"
They go to a cottage,
676
00:44:41,345 --> 00:44:44,598
break the window to get in,
but say, "We left a note."
677
00:44:47,559 --> 00:44:48,644
I understand.
678
00:44:50,062 --> 00:44:53,482
I really felt the same way,
679
00:44:53,982 --> 00:44:56,777
so we left a note,
"Good evening, we were here."
680
00:45:01,281 --> 00:45:04,118
Seriously, I almost wrote the lyrics.
681
00:45:04,201 --> 00:45:07,955
Wednesday morning, the king,
His wife and his little prince...
682
00:45:09,665 --> 00:45:12,334
We wrote a note,
we left it on the counter,
683
00:45:12,418 --> 00:45:16,130
and we left,
like a bunch of petty thugs.
684
00:45:16,213 --> 00:45:19,633
We left the money, we were like this...
Little muffins!
685
00:45:20,134 --> 00:45:22,803
We went out the door.
The next day, I wake up,
686
00:45:22,886 --> 00:45:24,513
still in my bed, I think,
687
00:45:25,514 --> 00:45:27,433
for sure I'm on Info-Crime.
688
00:45:28,684 --> 00:45:30,936
I'm on every TV channel right now.
689
00:45:31,019 --> 00:45:32,729
This is me, my old footage
690
00:45:32,813 --> 00:45:36,108
in black and white stealing muffins.
That's for sure.
691
00:45:36,191 --> 00:45:39,945
I'm like, no, no, no.
I get completely anxious.
692
00:45:40,028 --> 00:45:42,531
I open my Instagram,
in my message requests,
693
00:45:42,614 --> 00:45:44,032
I see a message,
694
00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:45,909
"Were the muffins good?"
695
00:45:45,993 --> 00:45:48,662
And I have the footage from the cameras!
696
00:45:55,878 --> 00:45:58,589
In our heads,
we thought we looked straight,
697
00:45:58,672 --> 00:46:01,300
I look like the drunken aunt
on New Year's.
698
00:46:01,383 --> 00:46:02,759
I'm like...
699
00:46:05,179 --> 00:46:08,223
I take out the muffins,
Put on the counter, I left.
700
00:46:08,307 --> 00:46:11,018
It's terrible, it's the manager,
701
00:46:11,101 --> 00:46:13,729
someone called the police at 4:00 a.m.
702
00:46:13,812 --> 00:46:16,482
saying that people invaded the McDonald's.
703
00:46:16,565 --> 00:46:17,900
What is the real word?
704
00:46:18,942 --> 00:46:21,236
Invaded, can I say that?
705
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,363
Sounds a bit like Vaseline.
706
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:25,782
They sent it to me.
People called 9-1-1.
707
00:46:25,866 --> 00:46:28,619
The manager came over
to see what's going on,
708
00:46:28,702 --> 00:46:33,665
looked at the cameras, said, "That looks
like Math Duff." He zoomed in, it was me.
709
00:46:35,751 --> 00:46:38,795
In the end, he laughed,
it was okay, no retaliation,
710
00:46:38,879 --> 00:46:41,131
at first,
I didn't know his mindset.
711
00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:43,842
He just wrote, "Were the muffins good?"
712
00:46:44,593 --> 00:46:47,846
It could have been Mom.
"Were the muffins good, love?"
713
00:46:47,930 --> 00:46:50,682
Or a big fat sheriff
with four guns on his belt.
714
00:46:50,766 --> 00:46:53,602
"So, were the muffins good?"
715
00:46:54,728 --> 00:46:58,482
I was anxious and replied,
"Hi, do you have the money?"
716
00:47:05,197 --> 00:47:07,950
I felt so guilty. Like really guilty.
717
00:47:08,033 --> 00:47:10,369
I even rewrote,
"Was the amount enough?
718
00:47:10,452 --> 00:47:12,538
I can go back and give more!"
719
00:47:14,081 --> 00:47:17,209
He was, "That's okay."
Got the math. Damn good story.
720
00:47:17,292 --> 00:47:19,086
I didn't want to go to jail!
721
00:47:25,509 --> 00:47:28,845
This year, at the Gala les Oliviers,
722
00:47:28,929 --> 00:47:31,890
a number caught my attention.
723
00:47:31,974 --> 00:47:34,685
Made me laugh,
favorite moment of the evening.
724
00:47:34,768 --> 00:47:37,813
My team kept the surprise for me.
My guest is coming.
725
00:47:37,896 --> 00:47:41,358
She's going to roast me.
I don't know what she's gonna say.
726
00:47:41,441 --> 00:47:43,944
Let's find out together.
Do you want to?
727
00:47:47,531 --> 00:47:50,450
I'm happy to have her
with me at the Bell Centre,
728
00:47:50,534 --> 00:47:52,536
Ladies, gentlemen,
I just love her,
729
00:47:52,619 --> 00:47:56,456
she is just so nice.
I love her so much, she's a gem.
730
00:47:56,540 --> 00:47:59,084
Make noise.
And welcome my friend
731
00:47:59,167 --> 00:48:01,295
Ève Côté!
732
00:48:05,257 --> 00:48:07,259
Wow!
733
00:48:22,524 --> 00:48:25,736
Good evening, Bell Centre!
734
00:48:28,363 --> 00:48:30,490
Wow!
735
00:48:31,450 --> 00:48:33,744
Here is the order I got,
736
00:48:33,827 --> 00:48:37,539
your own production team,
Mathieu, that you love, called me,
737
00:48:37,623 --> 00:48:41,585
asked, "Do you want to come
roast Mathieu in front of 15,000 people,
738
00:48:41,668 --> 00:48:44,671
to keep him grounded
in spite of this amphitheater?"
739
00:48:45,213 --> 00:48:47,633
I said, "What time do you need me?"
740
00:48:47,716 --> 00:48:49,760
I wrote my insults on t-shirts,
741
00:48:49,843 --> 00:48:52,012
I'll hail them into the crowd,
742
00:48:52,095 --> 00:48:57,142
I had a contact for a t-shirt gun,
they gave me something with torque.
743
00:48:57,225 --> 00:48:59,311
Front rows, if you see one coming,
744
00:48:59,394 --> 00:49:01,855
bend over, it's going to fly!
745
00:49:01,938 --> 00:49:03,148
Fire!
746
00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:04,775
Take a good look.
747
00:49:05,359 --> 00:49:06,401
Boom!
748
00:49:08,445 --> 00:49:12,282
Show us the fart face
at Marie-Lyne Joncas, remember?
749
00:49:16,411 --> 00:49:19,164
It was in your transition
before being handsome?
750
00:49:19,831 --> 00:49:22,876
Before having the hair
of an 80's heavy metal singer,
751
00:49:22,959 --> 00:49:25,962
his little-ass groupies on powder.
752
00:49:26,963 --> 00:49:31,093
You think he's beautiful, but it's just
since 2019 that he's beautiful.
753
00:49:31,176 --> 00:49:34,680
Before, it was more Math Boff
than Math Duff.
754
00:49:39,768 --> 00:49:41,687
I'm really happy to be here,
755
00:49:41,770 --> 00:49:43,313
you remember the time...
756
00:49:43,397 --> 00:49:45,399
They are not written on the back?
757
00:49:45,482 --> 00:49:47,401
Why not?
It says on the t-shirts.
758
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:51,988
Debug me. Debug me.
759
00:49:52,072 --> 00:49:54,074
Shall I continue?
760
00:49:54,157 --> 00:49:57,494
We'll remember
how handsome you were.
761
00:50:02,082 --> 00:50:06,920
No, you weren't handsome, handsome,
but now, you're fucking hot.
762
00:50:07,003 --> 00:50:07,921
Hey.
763
00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:11,842
Beautiful baby.
764
00:50:12,926 --> 00:50:16,138
A word of advice,
never put on a rejuvenating lotion
765
00:50:16,221 --> 00:50:19,266
on your face,
you don't want to go back there.
766
00:50:19,349 --> 00:50:22,644
Look forward, my friend.
Backwards, it hurts too much!
767
00:50:25,939 --> 00:50:29,985
We don't know what he does.
He is a comedian, he is an influencer,
768
00:50:30,068 --> 00:50:33,196
he is a life coach,
he is friends with famous people.
769
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:34,781
We don't know what you do!
770
00:50:34,865 --> 00:50:38,493
You have the same job as the creeps
in the ads of 15 seconds
771
00:50:38,577 --> 00:50:40,537
that cut off our videos!
772
00:50:40,620 --> 00:50:43,331
Being on social media to piss us off!
773
00:50:44,499 --> 00:50:47,794
Never forget, buddy,
no more Wi-Fi, no more Math Duff.
774
00:50:53,759 --> 00:50:57,220
Mathieu is naïve.
In fact, he has a beautiful innocence.
775
00:50:57,304 --> 00:51:01,183
One time, he tells me
that his brakes failed on the 20.
776
00:51:01,266 --> 00:51:04,519
Brakes don't fail, my love,
they are cut.
777
00:51:04,603 --> 00:51:08,440
It is the boss of the hotel
who found your stinking salmon
778
00:51:08,523 --> 00:51:11,151
in the dishwasher the next day.
779
00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:15,614
Or he's got your damn
"Poulet crû" tune in his head.
780
00:51:17,866 --> 00:51:22,329
What's the difference between a groundhog
crushed on the side of the highway,
781
00:51:23,121 --> 00:51:24,915
signs on the edge of the 20?
782
00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:28,877
When someone passes by the groundhog,
783
00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:32,214
no one thinks, "Who is that, Kekou?"
784
00:51:34,341 --> 00:51:36,927
I'll try to launch it high, way, way up!
785
00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:42,557
Big summer, my love?
786
00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:45,602
We can see you
in Montreal, in Val-d'Or,
787
00:51:45,685 --> 00:51:48,230
aux Îles-de-la-Madeleine, in Alma...
788
00:51:51,316 --> 00:51:53,485
You're doing five shows this summer.
789
00:51:53,568 --> 00:51:56,947
Are you the opening act
for Marie-Chantal Toupin, fuck?
790
00:51:59,032 --> 00:52:01,660
Curse you, Bell Centre!
791
00:52:01,743 --> 00:52:02,869
Yes!
792
00:52:05,038 --> 00:52:07,082
Mathieu, you deserve your success.
793
00:52:07,165 --> 00:52:10,168
Don't deserve the money,
but you deserve success.
794
00:52:10,252 --> 00:52:13,046
The Mathieu Dufour phenomenon!
795
00:52:15,841 --> 00:52:18,468
Mathieu has the same background
as Dr. Arruda.
796
00:52:18,552 --> 00:52:20,428
Put on the map with Coronavirus.
797
00:52:20,512 --> 00:52:22,973
If he was able to fill
Bell Centre tonight,
798
00:52:23,056 --> 00:52:26,017
it's thanks to death
of more than 15,000 Quebecers.
799
00:52:26,101 --> 00:52:27,435
for capitalizing on it!
800
00:52:28,478 --> 00:52:31,189
CURSE YOU, BELL CENTRE!
801
00:52:31,273 --> 00:52:33,441
Tonight, I was the one working here.
802
00:52:33,525 --> 00:52:35,902
I came to disgust you.
I threw things,
803
00:52:35,986 --> 00:52:38,572
I'm leaving without cleaning.
804
00:52:38,655 --> 00:52:40,782
A round of applause for Ève Côté!
805
00:52:40,866 --> 00:52:42,200
Thank you!
806
00:52:42,701 --> 00:52:43,785
I love you!
807
00:52:50,584 --> 00:52:54,546
What happened during the pandemic,
it's going to be two years,
808
00:52:54,629 --> 00:52:57,924
we had a silly idea,
a person you know and me.
809
00:52:58,425 --> 00:53:00,886
And we decided to record a song.
810
00:53:06,141 --> 00:53:09,185
We decided to record
a song and I think...
811
00:53:10,437 --> 00:53:12,856
Wait, this won't take long.
812
00:53:12,939 --> 00:53:14,691
We decided to record a song,
813
00:53:14,774 --> 00:53:18,320
but the people at Netflix
probably have no idea about this.
814
00:53:18,403 --> 00:53:19,654
It made it to the top
815
00:53:19,738 --> 00:53:22,073
and was on the iTunes charts in Canada.
816
00:53:22,157 --> 00:53:24,784
But, Véronique Cloutier and I,
817
00:53:25,452 --> 00:53:28,830
if you don't know her,
she's the Canadian Oprah Winfrey.
818
00:53:28,914 --> 00:53:32,500
She has her own clothing brand,
she is a TV host,
819
00:53:32,584 --> 00:53:34,961
really talented,
has her own TV channel.
820
00:53:35,045 --> 00:53:37,547
She has everything. We just love her.
821
00:53:37,631 --> 00:53:40,467
We recorded a really silly song.
822
00:53:40,550 --> 00:53:42,344
As a joke, really.
823
00:53:42,427 --> 00:53:46,389
It made it to number one on iTunes Canada,
ahead of Edgie Ren,
824
00:53:46,473 --> 00:53:50,727
Olivia Rodrigo, it doesn't make sense
how far this joke has gone.
825
00:53:58,318 --> 00:54:00,737
And I told myself that it was impossible
826
00:54:00,820 --> 00:54:04,699
to do my first Bell Centre
without performing this song.
827
00:54:08,453 --> 00:54:11,581
We're going to sing "Poulet crû".
It's on!
828
00:54:30,934 --> 00:54:36,356
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Véronique Cloutier!
829
00:54:52,747 --> 00:54:55,875
Did you think we would sing
"Poulet crû" here one day?
830
00:54:56,292 --> 00:54:58,712
No, but we're there, I think.
831
00:54:59,838 --> 00:55:03,800
It's dark as a bear's ass
832
00:55:03,883 --> 00:55:07,721
It's dark as a pussycat's asshole
833
00:55:07,804 --> 00:55:11,016
It's dark as a bear's ass
834
00:55:11,099 --> 00:55:15,228
It's dark as a pussycat's asshole
835
00:55:15,311 --> 00:55:19,482
It's dark in my ass
It's dark in the street
836
00:55:19,566 --> 00:55:22,485
It is dark
837
00:55:23,611 --> 00:55:27,699
It's dark in my ass
It's dark in the street
838
00:55:27,782 --> 00:55:31,161
It is dark
839
00:55:51,264 --> 00:55:53,266
Dark in my ass
Dark in the street
840
00:55:53,349 --> 00:55:55,935
Dark everywhere like
In a pussycat's asshole
841
00:56:09,616 --> 00:56:13,161
Come on...
842
00:56:13,244 --> 00:56:14,829
All chickens in the dark
843
00:56:14,913 --> 00:56:17,874
It's dark as a bear's ass
844
00:56:18,583 --> 00:56:21,044
It's dark as a pussycat's asshole
845
00:56:21,127 --> 00:56:22,879
It is dark
846
00:56:22,962 --> 00:56:25,340
It's dark as a bear's ass
847
00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:30,178
It's dark as a pussycat's asshole
848
00:56:30,261 --> 00:56:32,388
It's dark in my ass
849
00:56:32,472 --> 00:56:34,349
It's dark in the street
850
00:56:34,432 --> 00:56:37,060
It is dark
851
00:56:37,143 --> 00:56:38,478
Sing, everyone!
852
00:56:38,561 --> 00:56:42,023
It's dark in my ass
It's dark in the street
853
00:56:42,565 --> 00:56:45,151
It is dark
854
00:56:45,235 --> 00:56:46,611
Everyone!
855
00:56:48,988 --> 00:56:50,073
Bun!
856
00:57:07,132 --> 00:57:09,175
Everybody up!
857
00:57:10,844 --> 00:57:12,554
Véronique!
858
00:57:12,637 --> 00:57:14,681
It's 2022!
859
00:57:15,807 --> 00:57:18,268
Come on, arms in the air!
860
00:57:40,248 --> 00:57:41,458
Three, four.
861
00:57:43,626 --> 00:57:46,337
You can get up.
It was just the rest of them.
862
00:57:47,839 --> 00:57:49,090
Wow!
863
00:57:50,508 --> 00:57:52,218
Véro, we did it!
864
00:57:52,302 --> 00:57:53,428
Unbelievable.
865
00:57:55,847 --> 00:57:58,600
Hello Bell Centre. Hello Netflix.
866
00:58:02,604 --> 00:58:06,024
Can you believe night after night,
you without makeup,
867
00:58:06,107 --> 00:58:08,776
your hair not done,
me drunk in my apartment.
868
00:58:08,860 --> 00:58:11,362
I didn't understand anything
about tonight.
869
00:58:11,446 --> 00:58:14,699
Neither did you, huh?
It's amazing.
870
00:58:14,782 --> 00:58:18,369
Thank you for this opportunity,
thanks all, you are amazing.
871
00:58:18,453 --> 00:58:19,913
You are a great audience.
872
00:58:21,206 --> 00:58:22,040
What a joy.
873
00:58:22,123 --> 00:58:24,125
It was awesome to do this,
874
00:58:24,209 --> 00:58:25,543
it doesn't make sense,
875
00:58:25,627 --> 00:58:27,962
we had dancers with us. It's crazy.
876
00:58:28,046 --> 00:58:31,216
Can we give a big round
of applause to the dancers,
877
00:58:31,299 --> 00:58:32,675
ladies and gentlemen?
878
00:58:43,061 --> 00:58:46,689
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Véronique Cloutier!
879
00:58:50,568 --> 00:58:55,865
And above all, your star,
tonight, Mathieu Dufour!
880
00:59:16,761 --> 00:59:18,388
Thanks, gang!
881
00:59:28,022 --> 00:59:31,317
Come on, I'm going to cry.
882
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:34,821
No, no, no.
883
00:59:48,835 --> 00:59:50,253
Gang.
884
00:59:53,089 --> 00:59:55,425
Thank you. Thank you so much, gang.
885
00:59:55,508 --> 00:59:58,344
I'll take another five seconds.
Sit down,
886
00:59:58,428 --> 00:59:59,679
me too.
887
01:00:01,389 --> 01:00:04,392
Hi, your face is in my crotch.
888
01:00:06,769 --> 01:00:10,148
I want to take the time to say
889
01:00:10,231 --> 01:00:14,652
how it was an incredibly awesome evening
you made me live. It is surreal.
890
01:00:14,736 --> 01:00:17,947
Thank you for coming, for being here.
891
01:00:18,031 --> 01:00:20,366
Doesn't make sense
to have started this
892
01:00:20,450 --> 01:00:23,036
Bell Centre madness
mid-Coronavirus.
893
01:00:23,119 --> 01:00:25,872
Finally, after the pandemic,
we can get together
894
01:00:25,955 --> 01:00:27,749
and see each other.
It's crazy.
895
01:00:27,832 --> 01:00:31,377
I feel like it's been years,
why, it's been two years.
896
01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:34,589
The evening tonight
is the most emotional evening ever
897
01:00:34,672 --> 01:00:37,383
and it's because of you.
So a big thank you.
898
01:00:37,508 --> 01:00:39,177
It's amazing.
899
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:42,096
I can't believe it...
900
01:00:45,433 --> 01:00:46,893
It's completely crazy.
901
01:00:46,976 --> 01:00:49,437
Have to find a way
to finish this show.
902
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:51,564
And I've found one.
903
01:00:51,648 --> 01:00:52,690
Music.
904
01:00:55,401 --> 01:00:56,778
Everyone.
905
01:00:56,861 --> 01:01:00,657
To finish the evening,
I decided to go back through the trapdoor
906
01:01:00,740 --> 01:01:02,116
that I entered from.
907
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:03,785
Thank you for being here.
908
01:01:21,886 --> 01:01:26,516
Ladies and gentlemen,
for the first time at the Bell Centre,
909
01:01:26,599 --> 01:01:32,105
Mathieu Dufour!
910
01:02:31,873 --> 01:02:35,585
PRESENTED IN MONTREAL DURING
JUST FOR LAUGHS FESTIVAL JULY 2022
911
01:02:58,816 --> 01:03:02,069
Subtitle translation by: Marjolaine Dulude