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Jesus said to the apostles...
Brother Gilbert's always late.
- He got busted. - No more Stinking Bishop.
"My mouth shall speak the truth
and lying is an abomination to my lips."
"He who speaks the truth declares what is right,
but a false witness speaks deceit."
He sent us a sign.
Somewhere on Earth, there's an excessive mass of lies.
Beijing?
Moscow.
The Vatican?
No.
Nice.
Nice?
We're about to descend into Hell.
Oh, no, not Hell.
What can we do?
We must find the one who lies with each breath
and guide him towards the truth.
My God...
It may already be too late.
Let us pray, my brothers.
Yes, hello?
Yes, this is Jérôme Berrada.
I can't talk now, I have water damage. A huge leak.
The plumber's on his way.
I'll miss the meeting.
I'm giving my furniture to charity.
It's all going.
It feels good to help.
- Son? - Yes, Dad.
Not coming?
No, I have a flat tyre. Love you.
I can't hear. I'm entering a tunnel....
Sweetheart...
What's wrong?
It's my poodle. I don't know where he is.
Don't worry, maybe he's gone to visit the land of poodles...
Poodlestan.
Really?
Of course, don't worry about it.
Mr Berrada, we're ready for your blood test now.
I'll be right there.
Caroline, tell no one. I have to give my brother a kidney.
Of course. That's kind.
Thanks, Abdel.
Yes, Mum. I told you, I can't.
Monday, I help wash old people.
Etienne, I'm busy on my computer.
Caroline, I'm on my way. I'm stuck at the toll.
I'm on my way.
NATURAL BORN LIAR
How's it going?
Ma'am, Jérôme Berrada is here.
Hi, guys, hi, girls.
We're counting on you. The Russian contract.
Give it your best.
I believe in you.
Caroline does too.
Let's stay motivated.
Motivated!
- Hi, Etienne. - Hi.
Jérôme!
Find a Russian translator for tomorrow.
That's not my job.
Etienne, you're my assistant, so you assist me.
I remember you telling me, "I'll find the translator."
- I never said that. - You did.
You knew one from when you staged "War and Peace" in Avignon.
As sales director, I don't find a translator
or a driver for the Russians.
Why not a DJ for the office party too?
You were at school with David Guetta...
That's absurd, Etienne.
Anyhow, I found a Russian translator. She arrives this morning.
But no driver.
Find one.
Find one!
Here I am!
We said 9. This isn't professional and I like professionals, ok.
Traffic was bad.
Spare me, please.
There's a problem with Mr Beerkmans' contract.
He accepted the estimate.
Your client, so solve it.
Hold on, it's early...
Mr Beerkmans, Jérôme Berrada here.
What's wrong? I'm sad all of a sudden.
Why?
At our last meeting, we shook hands like brothers.
Now you want a new family?
We had a discount to offer you, but you stab me in the back.
I'm sad rather than disappointed.
I hope we'll remain friends, Mr Beerkmans.
- Is it screwed? - Wait.
Wait for what?
Yes, Mr Beerkmans?
Forget about it. You'll have it this morning.
Goodbye.
Problem solved.
If you were more serious, you'd rise higher.
International sales head suits me.
Now then, the Russians' translator...
I found one.
Wonderful.
We can't have a strike now.
If the Russians see it, they'll head back to Moscow.
We agree though...
No lay-offs if we sign.
Of course. That's the deal.
How's your brother?
Fine. Why?
His kidney transplant...
He likes to avoid the topic.
Off you go.
You'll be late again.
See you later.
Hello, can I help you?
Hello, I'm the Russian translator.
Good to see you. We'll be working together.
Jérôme Berrada.
- Chloé. - Yes, I know.
On seeing your CV, I told Caroline, "It's Chloé."
Good. Thank you.
Been doing this long?
- Three years. - Three years?
That's interesting.
I don't like talking about myself.
I'm the same. I love discretion. It's important.
I hate confiding in others.
Especially if you have stuff you can't reveal.
Exactly.
My parents mistreated me.
That's your idea of discretion?
Sorry. I'm already telling you my life story.
That's everything...
everything I hate.
You seem very pleasant.
- We have a connection, right? - No.
Want to get a drink?
No, I don't.
Really?
I'd like to keep things purely professional.
Shit, where is he?
No idea.
Hello.
He's here. Be right there.
Ok, bro? Virginie...
Hi, Fibberman.
Is this new?
Yes, it's new.
A Navajo lucky charm. Way over your head.
But I keep safe cos I protect myself.
Let's go.
Couldn't you have been on time? It's a big day.
By the way, I met the translator. Chloé.
Yeah, and?
She fell for me.
It was love at first sight.
She had butterflies in her eyes.
She's amazing, talkative, direct...
Ok, Romeo.
Focus on what to say to the guys. We keep it sober, ok.
Sure, as usual.
Like hell...
My friends!
Gather round. You can stop that.
Ok, Jérôme is going to explain
in simple terms...
the stakes of the Russian contract. It's very important.
I'll record it for management.
Go ahead.
We have to listen?
Jean-Pierre, please.
Go on.
We'll be hosting Oleg Krichenko,
secretary to Mr Alexseyev, owner of Russia's main cruise firm.
15 ships to renovate.
Two years of work and no lay-offs.
So we don't strike then?
You're right to strike. I'm behind you 200%.
But be pragmatic.
This contract is our lifebelt.
It's us or the Italians.
They're good.
When the Russians visit,
everything must be calm, no demonstrations.
Russia has a worker tradition.
We'll show them our workers come first.
Jérôme Berrada, the Mozart of liars!
- Stop recording. - No, Thibault!
Record every fucking word for a trace of what I say.
Our shipyard
has made millions for 30 years.
30 years!
One slowdown and it's lay-offs!
Here's what's happening.
They let things rot to give us minimum severance pay.
I won't let it happen!
We won't let it happen!
We'll get the Russians and the contract!
Your words have no value at all.
Guys...
Hi, the Berrada boys!
- Hi, Paul. - How are you?
I'm fine. Just fine.
How's work?
Tough, but we'll pull through.
Make the most of it.
When you're unemployed like me,
the days are long.
Really long. Your parents are lucky with the markets.
At the town hall, I had
huge responsibilities.
In '98,
I prepared the banquet for Jacques Chirac's visit.
Great.
A tartiflette for 500.
Three guys didn't turn up, so I ate theirs.
What a memory!
Sorry, gotta go.
See you soon.
You look stressed.
No, I'm ok.
Caroline, the CEO, worries me.
Why?
Too sensitive. She's not tough enough for the Russians.
Caroline, sensitive?
Behind closed doors, she's a different Caroline.
Ok. First I've heard.
If we sign, the shareholders will want me to take over
and that's tough for her.
Yes, of course.
But you have to fight.
Imagine, 30 families unemployed. It's horrible.
Yes, I know.
But don't worry about me. Three US companies want to hire me.
Cool.
You never said.
I don't tell you everything.
I didn't tell you...
I've launched the adoption process.
Again?
Really?
Yes, this is it.
The time's right. I feel ready.
Are you pleased?
We'll have coffee outside.
We're fine here.
We'll have coffee outside!
A game of Scrabble?
Jérôme...
First off, people like you.
Yes.
Of course people like me.
Listen, son...
We haven't said anything for years,
hoping things would change.
But they don't.
They get worse.
Your endless lies cut you off from reality.
Why do you say about me,
"Jean-Pierre doesn't know the job"?
I don't understand.
Your phone's always dead.
Always an excuse to be late.
- Or water damage. - Frequently.
All your water damage
could fill 30 Olympic pools.
Or flat tyres.
16 flats in eight months. 16!
You said you were a 5th dan kungfu black belt.
- We know what you say about us. - Nothing.
You said I fell asleep at work.
That I was a narcoleptic. That's serious!
You were never picked to be an astronaut.
Miss Universe never gave you a ride.
You don't know "War and Peace" by heart! You've never read it.
You can't even spell Dostoyevsky!
Leo Tolstoy wrote it.
So? He doesn't know it.
Why say your brother is jinxed?
Yeah, why tell everyone I'm a total loser?
No, not a loser.
But the worst things happen to you.
It's not true. I don't have it tough. Life's good.
Admit it's a bit tough.
Who's still single at 36
and in a job thanks to him?
Who's the loser?
It's all lies.
You're late because you don't care about people.
That's true.
I'm sick of covering for you.
I play it down. I tell people, "That's Jérôme,
He likes telling stories."
But I've had enough.
And stop saying Virginie wants to sleep with you.
You do nothing for me.
- A little. - Not at all.
The idea makes me puke.
Why tell us
you'll adopt when it's not true?
When we dream of being grandparents?
I really want to adopt.
Stop lying. Stop it!
One day, you'll tell one lie too many.
You're the ones lying!
You planned this behind my back!
You're all talking rubbish. I don't lie!
I've heard enough.
Air hostess. What a great job.
Serving coffee to people in cramped seats but...
I'm pleased with my journey.
What about you?
- Me? - Your journey.
I had a complicated childhood.
I'm a successful self-made man.
I think that annoys people.
Meaning?
My family, my friends.
They're a bit jealous.
What field are you in?
Luxury yachts.
Fantastic.
- They sell? - Big time.
We have a huge contract to renovate Russian cruise ships.
If I told you how I got it...
Go on.
It was four years ago.
I was in charge of VIP guests at a Cannes 5-star hotel.
A Russian comes for a week and his kid wants to go to the beach.
So I take him.
I turn away for a minute and...
the kid sinks.
- And? - I run over.
I dive in.
I grab him by the neck
and pull him out.
Who calls a month ago for his ships?
The Russian, you never forget a good deed.
Exactly. I have good karma.
For the firm, I'm a saviour.
I'm their god in a way.
I'll be going. It's getting late.
Thank you.
We must find the one who lies with each breath
and guide him towards the truth.
Gimme your phone!
What the hell?
My furniture!
Hello, sir.
Who are you?
The plumber, for the leak.
Hello, Mr Berrada.
This is Brandon.
It's very damp here.
Where's the stop valve? I can't help otherwise.
Who are you?
Hélène Figeac. SOS School Dropouts.
It's kind to help Brandon.
That's great, sir.
Bravo!
Start with grammar. Right, Brandon?
It's Caroline, leave me a message, please.
I'm running late. I can't meet the Russians' flight.
I'm on my way. I have terrific water damage.
Hello, Jérôme. It's me, Jeannine.
I waited at the home,
but decided to come here instead.
It's my wash day.
What's that?
That's your injury.
Where's it from?
The day you saved a child during the Turkish earthquake.
I did that?
Yes.
You do great stuff.
Jesus...
Shit!
Jérôme Berrada?
Yes.
You've been picked as an astronaut for the ISS.
Launch in 3 days from Baikonur.
Give me a minute to get my pyjamas and toothbrush.
Shit...
Thibault?
What happened?
I think it'll be a tough day.
Leaving already?
Yes, I have work, I'm off to work, I'm behind on stuff.
See you later at the yard.
My kiss!
No...
Taxi!
- No battery! - Got a problem, Jérôme?
Damn.
Take your motorbike.
- I have one? - Over there.
Virginie?
Jérôme, I miss you so much.
What d'you mean?
Us, you mad fool!
Face it, with Thibault, I backed the wrong horse!
Instead of a mighty, dynamic racing stallion,
I got a packhorse. What an idiot!
Never mind.
It's never too late when people are in love like us.
We love each other so much!
Jérôme!
I'm so glad to see you.
It's crazy...
I'm all aflutter.
I usually prefer subtle guys in glasses with intense eyes,
but not this time.
Hi.
Thank you.
And the Russians?
They're in the small lounge.
As we're working together, I'll tell you about myself.
Ok.
Let's not be formal.
At 17, I fell for a Russian businessman.
But, in Omsk, I found out he had a wife and 3 kids.
I was devastated.
I can imagine.
So I left his place.
I moved to a squat, forgot the businessman,
but then fell for a skinhead with a wooden leg.
She cheated on me. Devastated again...
- What a life. - Hold on.
There's more.
Maybe not now...
8 years ago, back on the Riviera,
I fall in love with Jacques, my shrink.
Sorry, are you done?
Yes, I'm done.
But Oleg isn't happy.
You said the opposite.
No, I said I understood them.
- Where's Caroline? - No idea.
Mr Krichenko... Jérôme Berrada.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Go ahead, smile, you moron.
What?
No wonder Europe is virtually bankrupt, asshole.
Then he switched to a more slangy dialect.
He ended with a goat
and told you to get...
Ok, I understand.
It's very vulgar.
His assistant.
Hello.
Masha. Photo.
You're right to be angry.
You don't deserve this and it won't happen again.
"To understand everything is to forgive everything."
He's impressed to see you learned Tolstoy to welcome them.
I am too, frankly.
You're unpredictable.
I love it!
This way.
Hello, Jérôme.
Please wait while I tell the engineers you're here.
Jérôme!
You're so handsome! You're our ray of sunshine.
Jérôme,
you're perfect. May I draw you?
I dreamt of you.
Give me a baby.
Jérôme, can I eat your hair?
Chloé, get them out of here, please. We'll go straight to the yard.
You're not with Krichenko?
Jérôme, where's Krichenko?
He's waiting for us outside.
Call the driver to go to the yard.
It all lacks preparation again.
Etienne?
It's simple enough.
Etienne?
Did you find a minibus driver?
Of course I found...
one.
Perfect.
Caroline, let's go!
Leave me, Jérôme.
- What's wrong? - I don't want to go.
What are you saying?
Russians scare me.
I want to watch a Xmas movie at home with my cats.
It's May. You have no cats!
Pupuce, Tigrou, Chounette and Felix.
Four?
My little secret. Leave me now.
Caroline, you're a fighter.
You can't snap now.
It's all too violent.
The negotiations, the stress...
Krichenko is waiting. I'm with you.
Let's breathe, calm down, smile and go for it.
Let's go.
Speed it up.
This is too fast, Jérôme
Nearly there.
Where are they?
- Yes? - Chloé, where are you?
And the Russians?
They were impatient. We're on our way to the yard.
It's crazy how I miss you.
Ok, great.
Hold on!
Who's driving?
Etienne.
Move, asshole!
Etienne, it's green.
Hi, Jérôme.
No, no, no...
I won't talk to him.
- Come on! - I won't talk to him!
Oleg,
this is Caroline Gauthier, Naviset's CEO.
Hello, Mr Krichenko.
Delighted to finally meet you.
I apologize for being here because
what I have to say is...
She's right!
Let's see a yacht where the refit is nearly done.
Your helmet.
Mind the step.
This way, Oleg.
Follow me.
Oleg, meet Jean-Pierre Marbeuf, our yard foreman.
Vladivostok!
That's "hello" in Russian.
Jean-Pierre...
For wastewater, do you use the three-stage process...
emptying wastewater
directly into the system...
without clarifying agents?
Goodquestion.
Water, yes, water.
The water's in pipes and other things clean it.
The rest goes in things that go in the basement,
next to the big thingies below,
that simple.
If it doesn't work, press the button.
There.
He says Jean-Pierre has no clue.
Oleg, fasten your seatbelt
for our augmented reality system.
No one else in Europe has it.
This way.
As you see, this yacht is bare.
But these headsets show
how it'll look after its refit.
Etienne, go ahead.
As you can see, Naviset pays attention to every detail.
Jérôme, where are you?
Here, Caroline.
I'm in the kitchen!
- Do I translate? - No.
I feel sick.
Behind you, a digitized security post...
There's a spider!
There's no spider. It's all fake.
I think I'm in the engine room. I'm hot.
Oleg, my colleague isn't well.
Why call me Oleg? I'm totally lost.
Etienne, pause it, please!
I hear him snoring.
I need air.
Let me out! Where's the exit?
Caroline!
Are you ok?
No, not at all. I hurt.
What, Chloé?
His favourable view of Naviset has vanished.
Why?
Because your demonstration is shitty.
I hurt.
Oleg, be reasonable.
As Tolstoy said, "Extremism is a flaw. Truth must reign without violence."
Fuck, Tolstoy!
Be polite.
Stick to your place, blondie!
He just added a sick misogynist comment.
Show some respect, Mr Krichenko.
I'll say what I want.
You don't talk to women that way here.
You don't tell me how to talk.
There's no need to shout.
Calm down.
My respect has to be earned and you're a slut.
You fucking asshole!
Call me a slut again and your balls will regret it!
She's getting carried away.
He'll go to the hotel. His assistant will drive.
Why?
Give him the keys.
- I need to sleep 3 days. - Me too.
Etienne, not now!
Snap out of it, Caroline!
Go to the hotel and win them over.
Chloé, a cab.
Calm down. You're close to a burnout.
I'm on top of it!
But I need you, Caroline.
I can't do it.
Caroline.
- Wait for me. - I need to buy cat litter.
Fuck!
What is this shit?
What happened?
You want to know?
Ok, I'm in the shower, a calm activity usually.
I fall in the shower curtain and nearly suffocate!
I hit every red light on the way here.
Every single one.
Know the one by the tobacconist's? No?
Cos there isn't one normally!
I filled my tank last night.
After just 20 km, the needle's in the red zone!
And have you seen this?
What is it?
It's a fucking tree!
I have a tree on my car! It fell this close to my head.
I thought I'd die!
And another funny thing...
I did an X-ray this morning as I felt lousy.
I have 3 kidneys. 3!
That doesn't exist in nature.
No fish and no birds have 3!
What's that motorbike?
Ok, I get it.
You get it?
It's a lesson?
What?
Your ultimatum wasn't enough.
"Let's make Jérôme face his lies."
Is that the idea? A Berrada-style Truman Show?
You didn't listen.
Is it our parents' idea?
Quick, that shit's here!
Quick!
- Don't start! - Hurry!
Mum, Dad, it's me! Stop this stupid game!
Hands off my van, you little jerk!
Dad!
If you don't move, I'll throw a pumpkin in your face,
you moron!
Get lost, Quasimodo!
You scare off clients, you ugly shit!
Go buy a brain, jerk!
I'm warning you!
It's too much!
Get lost, you'll attract flies, you filthy bum!
- Jérôme. - Enough, Virginie.
Love came knocking.
Knock, knock, who can it be?
It's Jérôme!
I never expected it!
I see now I need a man like you. A bastard,
a swine, an amoral bandit of love
who'll chew my panties off
and bang me upright in a fitted kitchen!
- Stop! - Jérôme!
Mr Berrada, we start
filling the tanks in 6 hours.
It's ok, I get it.
Pick your New Year's dinner.
Capon with mushroom sauce
or grilled lobster with samurai sauce.
Despite this morning's "incidents",
the infrastructure is operational
and modern.
I don't know if I can go on.
How do you mean?
No, nothing. Forget it.
Yes.
Chloé, may I have a word?
Yes.
- Are you in on it? - In on what?
Enough. You're an actress?
No, I'm a translator. What's going on?
What's going on is I'm being jerked around
and it has to stop!
Can't you explain rather than run off?
I just saw a whale.
Yes, it's the season.
But there are no whales in Nice.
Ever!
Tell me what's wrong?
Nothing's right. I'm dreaming, being fooled or going mad.
Try to rest. Shall I ask Caroline?
She's a mess and unrecognizable.
She's very fragile.
She nearly burst into tears when a fly hit her office window.
She almost gave it CPR.
And this, Chloé.
POODLESTAN
It's absurd. There's no country inhabited by poodles!
There is. I spent a week there last year.
They're tolerant and open in Poodlestan, LGBT-friendly,
and their kibble tapas are to die for.
But try to avoid the dog days.
What?
Jérôme...
You have to sign a huge contract to save the company.
Your nerves have snapped.
You think so?
Yes. That's how I see it.
You need to see someone to help you over it.
Jacques can help!
Who?
Jacques, my ex. The shrink. I mentioned him.
But let's get things clear. It's all over with Jacques.
I'm single.
That one's lovely.
Cheeses of the Day
Lacan Cheddar Freudiandale
Hello, Jacques.
Hello, Chloé.
Do you remember me?
Vaguely.
Yes!
Seven years together.
I was mad about you.
We nearly had kids.
After you left, I went on Prozac, tried suicide 3 times
and got struck off as a psychiatrist, right?
It was a toxic relationship. More sex than work on my neuroses.
We did it in every room.
You had a two-room place.
Never satisfied!
It's all behind me now.
My life is cheese, and I never think of you, my love.
Chloé...
This is Jérôme.
He needs your help with a burnout.
He was mistreated as a child.
I can't practise anymore.
I'm a pariah, an outcast of psychiatry.
I found redemption in soft cheese.
Jacques...
I need you.
I can try.
But I'm rusty.
Thank you!
I'll go to the hotel now.
Be brave. You'll make it.
Let's go to my office.
How can we do this?
We'll find a corner.
Sorry about the smell.
I'm listening.
Ok, here goes.
From time to time,
not very often,
rarely,
once or twice a year, exceptionally,
I tell
stories verging on reality...
You lie.
No, I wouldn't say that.
I spice up life with things I've experienced.
Not completely, or almost.
So you're a liar.
No.
I don't lie.
I take a winding path to describe myself to others
and I fuel the conversation
with various events to make it more interesting.
You're a compulsive liar then.
No. I'm not a liar.
I pepper my life with incidents
to give people a different view of me.
Go on.
I have the impression that my little stories...
- Lies. - Stories...
that I told...
Yes?
...are materializing
and coming to life.
For example?
As a joke, I must've told my neighbour that I had a motorbike.
And, this morning,
the motorbike was there, outside my place.
Maybe a denial of reality
with possibly schizophrenic egocentric neurosis.
More clearly?
Like Swiss cheese lying to itself
by refusing to be a Camembert.
It's a frequent neurosis.
What do I do?
Admit you make up stories
and leave the toxic spiral of "I lie, so I exist."
So I'm not mad?
Not yet.
Great!
Is Chloé your girlfriend?
No.
Good.
Good, or I'd have wasted you.
Fancy a bit of Dolto with herbs?
No...
NATURAL BORN LIAR
I'd like to tell the truth.
I love the truth, but it doesn't love me.
That's the truth.
The truth doesn't love me.
As soon as I say that,
it changes its face and turns against me.
You lie, Jérôme, it's a fact. You can't change that now.
Lies are a rollercoaster.
They carry you off and leave you dazed.
They stop your heart and block it in your throat!
Childhood
You're a liar.
Give me a baby!
I'm giving my brother a kidney.
Breakfast's ready, my love.
If you plan to do a selfie,
use a filter.
How did it go with Jacques?
For a cheese seller shrink,
he did pretty well.
You smell of sheep.
When I met you at Naviset, loads of things ran through my mind.
Such as?
Such as...
He's well-built, but has skinny legs.
He's self-confident, but a bit oafish.
You can't tell whether to trust him or be wary.
But when he looks at you with the eyes of a child who swears
he didn't put his fingers in the jam jar,
you surrender.
No one spoke to me like that before.
No, Jérôme! Sorry, I have to go.
Why?
If I stay,
we'll fuck like animals. It's a bad idea.
No, we won't!
Yes, we will, like animals...
Sorry, it'll be so dirty.
Sorry, I have to go, I can't stay.
I'm so stupid.
Stop it!
Jérôme!
Jérôme, open up!
I was talking crap?
Is it crap?
Thibault!
Don't over-analyse the situation. I know this looks bad,
but nothing happened between us.
Chloé, I don't care. Really, ok?
Take this.
Moving house?
Yes... No. It's too complicated to explain.
Throw the ball.
The ball in your hand. Throw it hard.
Throw it at me.
Why would I?
Jérôme, please, do as I ask!
Come on!
See? It hit me full in the face!
What were the chances of that happening?
Maybe he's good at darts.
Yeah, maybe he's good at darts.
Take it again.
Throw it at the wall.
Aim at the wall and throw it.
Well?
- Can I try? - Sure.
Anyone can try. Give it to her.
There you go!
It hits me in the face every time.
How come?
I dunno.
That's fantastic!
You're in this nightmare too!
The two of us together, fantastic!
I should be pleased?
As brothers, you share a neurosis.
It's genetic.
I'll leave you to your raving.
I have to get to the office.
Take him to buy cheese.
See what I mean?
Cheese?
Calm down.
Couscous?
Couscous.
Here you go, meatball couscous
with extra chickpeas.
Sorry, Thibault.
The first time in 15 years.
Not your fault.
It is. I'm gutted.
Gutted.
I nearly got committed. And now you too. This isn't normal.
I know that. I tried explaining but you wouldn't listen.
Shit!
What's happening is terrible,
but I may know why.
- Go on. - I think...
I just think...
Carry on.
No, forget it.
Jérôme, please.
I think I may have told a few too many...
Lies!
Lies.
Exactly.
You told one too many, saying I was a loser
and now I'm a loser.
That's not all.
What?
Virginie.
What about her?
It's not my fault.
- Yes, horrible. - Her tits aren't horrible!
They're great.
You don't say that either, ok!
In fact...
That's for her tits!
Ow, Jesus...
My Virginie.
She's in love with you cos you said she was.
It's hell. Guys want to send me into space.
I have a motorbike now.
An old lady asked me to wash her.
I saw a whale in Nice!
Come here.
I think Chloé's right.
I think it's genetic.
A genetic curse. We were born the same date, at the same time.
- Not the same year. - Screw that.
It's enough for a curse. After Tutankhamun, the Templars,
the Kennedys,
now it's the Berradas.
The curse of the Berradas.
Thequestion is, how do we end it?
We sacrifice you.
I don't agree.
Realize the shit you put us in?
Lying non-stop since we were kids.
When I was 6,
you told me our neighbour was a crazy murderer.
It gave me nightmares.
Yeah, the serial killer neighbour.
Still no news
of the astronaut Jérôme Berrada
due to take off for the ISS tonight.
It's ok, don't bother. I get it.
How many lies did you tell? You just can't stop!
- Shit... - Brake!
What d'you think I'm doing?
The brake's not working. Shit.
Handbrake!
Touch nothing!
I'll put it in reverse.
Let's get out!
No! No one gets out!
Shit!
Outta the way!
No steering wheel. Sorry!
There's a bend with barriers!
We'll hit them!
Out of gas.
We nearly died.
If our parents aren't ok, I'll murder you.
Yes, Thibault.
Virginie, can you check on my parents?
I can't right now.
It's an emergency.
I'd love to, but I really can't right now.
I just can't.
Virginie?
She can't.
- Call a taxi. - Good idea.
Alexseyev ready to sign with Naviset
"France is cheaper than Italy"
Fuck!
Finished?
The only wasp is for me!
- Why won't they stop? - It's your shirt.
To end on a glamourous note,
Alexandra Willing of Australia has been elected Miss Universe 2022.
Maybe he killed them.
- Hold on. - What?
About our parents...
What?
- They're weird with me. - Weird how?
Titi!
Good to see you.
Great, I was scared.
What's your problem? Get off my back!
- Is Mum here? - Of course.
Why won't you pick up?
We saw it was him, so we ignored it.
Coming in?
Thanks.
So, how are you, Titi dear?
Fine.
Jérôme too.
Not eating?
I'm not hungry.
You're such a fucking pain!
In an hour, he'll want a sandwich.
If he asks, give him the cat litter.
C'mon, Dad...
Titi, drop it.
It's just to get attention.
Can I have some water?
Why? Is it too dry?
So, Thibault, how are things at Naviset?
- The Russians are in. - Who asked you, Shrek?
You're useless.
A total fake.
Am I even your father?
Stop talking like that, it hurts me!
Poor baby, it hurts him.
Enough!
Watch your tone with your mum! Want a thrashing?
You're sick!
Ok, that's enough! Go to your room!
It was me.
What was you?
I said they mistreated me as a kid.
Are you nuts?
Why did you say that?
They never hit us. Are you nuts?
Ok...
You never told anyone a meteor would destroy Earth?
I can't be sure.
Great.
Listen, Jérôme.
There must be a way to break the curse.
There's always a way out. Look at Pinocchio.
He's a puppet and the Blue Fairy
turns him into a boy because he agrees to be good and kind.
From Virginie: I miss you Jérôme!!!
Who did you tell Virginie loved you?
I can't remember now.
Virginie, it's Thibault.
Listen...
what's happening between us wasn't planned.
Things will get back to normal soon.
Even if I know you're not interested,
I want you to know you're the love of my life.
Thibault...
Yes, my love?
We've reached the end of the line.
What did she say?
She's leaving me.
I hate you, Jérôme.
Listen, Thibault...
Hi, guys.
Hi, Paul.
Careful!
What's up?
Actually, my car battery is flat.
I need to fix it.
Your dad has leads in the garage, right?
I don't know.
Let's get outta here!
Come on!
Fuck!
Move it!
- It's locked! - Help!
Call the police!
I have the keys.
Don't touch anything!
Good one!
The garage door!
I won't touch anything else!
Touch the banister!
Perfect.
We're good!
It's ok, I got him.
I don't think so.
Go on.
Jérôme, duck!
In your face!
Ok, he's out. Thibault?
No...
Thibault...
Try to breathe, it'll be ok.
I'll call an ambulance for you.
Don't close your eyes, please!
I'll come too.
No, we don't want to see you again, ok!
Never again.
It's horrible.
Don't blame yourself.
You did what you could.
My parents think the opposite.
And they're right.
Your parents aren't good people.
They love me.
And I love them.
That's crazy after all they did to you.
Chloé...
My parents never mistreated me.
I had a happy childhood and they gave me all their love.
I lied to you.
Sorry.
Why did you tell me that?
To impress you.
To be pitied.
Have you been lying long?
I think I was 8 or 9 when I first lied.
That day, I had a soccer match and played badly.
We lost 8 to 1.
Jérôme, I'm taking your brother to the doctor for his fever.
Ok, Mum.
It's ok, honey, I'll see to him.
Sleep now, son, it's late.
Mum...
Coming, Titi.
See you later.
Dad...
Yes?
I scored four goals today.
What?
Four, including the winner.
Four goals?
That's wonderful, son.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks, Dad.
He was so proud.
And you loved that feeling?
He took an interest in me.
Does it do you good?
Telling you the truth?
Yes.
So carry on that way.
Go to the hospital and talk to your parents.
Remember when you lost your Tamagotchi?
We looked for it for 3 days.
We searched the house.
I found it on top of the wardrobe.
But I'd hidden it there.
Just to make you mad.
You're a good brother, Thibault.
You're my brother and not a loser.
You're the greatest guy I know.
So come back.
Don't leave me alone.
What'll I do without you?
It's my fault. If you don't want to see me again, I understand.
I don't deserve you.
But you couldn't have stopped that maniac.
You've no reason to blame yourself.
The doctors told us we had to wait.
We'll stand together. We're a family.
We're sure he'll make it.
Do you still love me?
How can you think otherwise?
Chloé...
My parents never mistreated me.
I lied to you.
Sorry.
Thibault,
our neighbour isn't a serial killer.
I lied to you. Sorry.
Thibault,
our neighbour isn't a serial killer. I lied to you.
Sorry.
Shit...
What are you doing here?
May I kiss you?
They're going to lose again.
Yes, Jérôme?
Couscous tomorrow?
Couscous tomorrow.
Come on...
All right!
That feels good.
- Still wearing it! - What?
The party clown shirt.
I know you like it.
How are you, bro?
Fine. Nothing's happened to me since yesterday,
so it's good for now.
It'll soon be over.
I have to tell you about the dream I had.
I was sleeping peacefully
and then this voice whispers in my ear
to say,
"Paul isn't a serial killer."
Weird, huh?
Lie confessed...
Lie forgiven. Is that it?
- Yeah. - So that was it?
All you had to say was, "Sorry, it wasn't true."
Better than a sacrifice.
Yes, and I have a load to confess.
You bet.
Here it is.
The Berrada couscous.
Yeah. Nice work.
Bravo, Abdel.
Thank you.
Dig in.
No salt?
Salt!
Enjoy it.
Well, Oleg,
it's time to review your visit to Naviset.
He's very pleased with our agreement. It's win-win.
So am I, Oleg, so am I.
Thank you, miss, for your professionalism
and your discretion.
You're a good actress.
I don't understand.
She doesn't know?
He speaks French?
I'll explain. Thank you, Oleg.
You're a woman of character, but a little naive.
That's a pity.
Can you explain?
Yes.
Here I am.
Did you swallow a clock?
Are you ok?
Yes, fine.
And, in passing, how are your cats?
I don't have cats.
I never will.
Kibble, shredded couches,
mewing, in heat, problems, litter... So no cats.
Ok. So where's Oleg?
He's gone back to Moscow.
He's gone back?
I hate to announce such news,
but the Russians won't be signing with Naviset.
- What? - Big surprise.
We tried hard to charm them,
but the competition proved to be
tougher.
I'm sorry.
It's not true.
You're the victims of an arrangement
between the shareholders and the Russians.
Oleg never intended to sign.
What is this?
We're victims of what?
A strike would have compromised the sale.
Shut up, Chloé!
The Russians made the Italians lower costs.
It's a fool's bargain.
I promised the workers! We can't do this!
What was your kickback?
400,000.
You lied all along.
Are you saying that?
The guy who lies non-stop?
Yes, I lied to you.
I'm 50 and business is a jungle
and I won't get eaten.
Well played.
Shit, we never saw that coming.
I'm sorry.
You did right.
I could have realized sooner.
You didn't do anything.
Like at your place.
At my place?
We slept together and didn't do anything.
I told you it was possible.
I never thought I could feel that with someone,
doing nothing.
Chloé.
This is important.
Yes?
I'm fond of you and I'll try to convince you I'm a good man.
I'm already convinced of that.
What?
Wait a minute.
Know what I said about Chloé?
That she was in love with you?
She isn't in love with me.
It was a lie.
Sorry.
Feels good, huh?
Sorry for you and the workers. It's tough.
We'll bounce back.
All right...
Bye.
It was true, I thought we'd get the contract.
A liar always meets a bigger one.
But never give up hope.
The shareholders might rethink.
I doubt that. We got taken for a ride.
It's a dreadful thing.
Hi, the Berradas!
Hello, Paul.
Salim, may I borrow your mower?
Of course.
Thanks a bunch.
Enjoy your lunch!
I've had news of Chloé.
She works in Paris,
guiding Russian tourists.
That's cool.
Back to work on Monday?
No, I resigned.
Why?
I need a break.
But you're well?
"Lies are a rollercoaster. They carry you off and leave you dazed.
They stop your heart
and block it in your throat."
Nice!
Yes, very.
You made that up?
No, Cocteau did.
Thibault...
Yes?
You're the love of my life.
All right...
I can't bear to live while hiding things from you, so...
I've never ever stopped loving you.
So here goes...
I went a bit mad.
I bought a Porsche with our life insurance
and, instead of pilates, I went street racing.
I know it's totally crazy,
but it was such a blast!
I've sold it now, I'm in addiction therapy
and, above all, you're the love of my life.
Nothing to do with me.
One more thing...
I had an affair two years ago,
with Carine, my beautician.
Just sex, nothing else, I swear.
We just met Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays
every other week.
I skipped yoga and went to Carine's.
But it's over now. I realized
I'm 100% straight and, above all, you're the love of my life.
Yeah...
Can I have some...
Don't stop.
There's something else...
Let's hear it.
I can't manage it.
I poach.
I'm a poacher!
I hunt rabbits in the woods behind the house
and kill them. But not to eat them.
I'm not a monster.
It's just for fun.
I'm on Instagram with photos of dead rabbits and me,
like this.
I have loads of followers. It's a really close community.
But I stopped as it's against your values.
And I know that, above all, you're the love of my life.
Ok...
Is that it?
That's the lot?
Yes.
Cool.
Well, Virginie,
I find that very brave of you.
Yes.
All right...
Thank you.
I'll get more rosé.
That's a weight off.
6 MONTHS LATER
In Poodlestan,
President Kiki has been re-elected with 90% of the vote.
Peppy, his opponent, has conceded defeat.
Poodlestan
Hi there.
Hi...
Alexandra.
Yes, sorry. Alexandra.
Finished your pal's boats?
My pal?
The Russian billionaire whose son nearly drowned.
Right, my Russian pal...
I need to explain something...
You never forget a good deed.
Coming up, one of the best sights
in the whole of Paris.
THE RUSSIANS SIGN WITH NAVISET
The Alexander Ill bridge was inaugurated in 1900.
It is designed to symbolize Franco-Russian friendship.
The foundation stone was laid by Tsar Nicholas II of Russia.
Excuse me!
May I say something?
Thank you.
I first met Chloé a year ago.
I spent two days with her.
I've never forgotten her.
I think of her all the time.
I confess it's a little strange,
but I'm happy to see this guy again.
I too think of him all the time.
I finish in an hour. Maybe we could go for a drink.
If you're not busy, that is.
No, I'm free.
No one's expecting me.
No one's expecting me?
For 2 weeks now,
the rocket for the ISS has been waiting on its launchpad.
Still no news of the French astronaut, Jérôme Berrada...
Subtitles by Ian Burley
Subtitling: HIVENTY