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Here's five pounds, yeah? Five pounds." 638 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,240 "I want you to get me a bag of rice." 639 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,480 "I got work early in the morning, get me some breakfast or cereal." 640 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:40,640 "You keep the change." 641 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,360 [gasps] "What? Keep the change?" 642 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:45,080 "What?" 643 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,720 "Keep the change of a five-pound note?" 644 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,000 "Change of keep?" 645 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:50,400 "Oh my gosh." 646 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,400 That's all I'm hearing. I forgot the rest. "Keep the change." 647 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,800 Walking to the shop, "Keep the change." Oh my gosh. "Keep the change." 648 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,160 "The change I can have and keep for myself." 649 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,680 "I'mma keep all this fucking change. Are you all right?" 650 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,360 Got into the shop, my mind is gone blank. 651 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:06,520 Poof. 652 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,320 "Okay, what do I need to buy?" 653 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:09,720 "What do I need to buy?" 654 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,200 "Um…" [clicks tongue] 655 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,840 "I need to buy something for myself 'cause I'm gonna keep the change." 656 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,680 -"Uh… Okay. All right. All right." -[audience laughter] 657 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,320 "Let me just get that. I think that's what she wanted." 658 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,120 Then I got to keep £2.50 change. 659 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,600 Let me tell you something. I took a pound, saved that for the next day, 660 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,440 and then in the shop, I had £1.50 to spend. 661 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,200 Do you know how much £1.50 is? 662 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:34,680 Some things I was looking at in the shop, like, I didn't care about them. 663 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,160 Things I'd always want, I'm like, "Don't want a Wham." 664 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,240 "No, no onion rings." 665 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,120 "No, you can fuck off, Freddo. No." 666 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,160 -[audience laughter] -I went to the fridge freezer, 667 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,160 opened it up, and you know what I picked up? 668 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,160 A Magnum. 669 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:47,960 -[audience cheering] -Oh my gosh. 670 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,600 A Magnum. I don't care what anyone says, 671 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,720 a Magnum ice cream is the most top-tier ice cream you can buy. Yeah? 672 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,960 It comes in a nice foil, air-concealed wrapper. 673 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,400 Even the way to eat a Magnum, yeah? 674 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,360 I took the long way home. I devoured this Magnum, people. 675 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,480 I turned it to the side, I'd nibble the side, 676 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:10,280 'cause that's how you start, you nibble the side. [smacking lips] 677 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,440 Then what happens, as you nibble the side, 678 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,320 then you turn it this way, yeah? Turn it this way, yeah? 679 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:17,880 On the left-hand side, break this off, 680 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:21,280 get these little blades of chocolate stuck to the ice cream, yeah? 681 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,320 Take them blades of chocolate, people. Eat them… [smacking lips] 682 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,800 And guess what? Check this out. 683 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,560 On the right-hand side, there's another blade of chocolate… 684 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,680 -[audience laughter] -…stuck to the ice cream. 685 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,080 Take that one off as well. Eat that, enjoy that. 686 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:34,400 [smacking lips] 687 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,120 Devour the smooth, succulent ice cream. 688 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,400 And just when you think your Magnum is finished, my friend, 689 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:41,800 it's not finished. Know why? 690 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,920 You got these little clumps of chocolate right at the bottom of the wooden stick. 691 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,840 Oh my gosh! 692 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:49,040 Enjoy them! 693 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,080 -Clink, clink. Mm, mm, mm. -[audience cheering and applauding] 694 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,320 So good, you will even eat the wooden stick. 695 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,960 -Mmm, mwah. -[audience laughter] 696 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:58,760 Got home, felt rejuvenated. 697 00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,400 "There you go, Mum. I got what you needed to get."  Boom. 698 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,280 My mum looked at me, started laughing. 699 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,320 [laughing] 700 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,520 "Okay. All right." [laughs] 701 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:12,320 "Okay. Okay, you got jokes. Okay, all right, okay." 702 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,160 I'm looking at her, "Uh…" 703 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,560 "I do, I'm probably gonna be a comedian one day, so…" 704 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,600 -[laughs nervously] -[audience laughter] 705 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,440 "What's so funny? Okay." 706 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:24,320 Now I realized that what happens when my mum gets angry, she laughs. 707 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,600 But I think it's actually funny in this moment. 708 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,960 'Cause you start seeing my mum's buildup of anger. 709 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,520 "Okay." [laughs] 710 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,440 "Okay, all right. So I sent you to the shop with five pounds, 711 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:34,680 and that's what you got me?" 712 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,520 "Okay. Mm. Okay. All right." 713 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,160 "You must think I'm some kind of [loudly] fucking idiot!" 714 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:41,240 [audience laughter] 715 00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,960 "So you're telling me you got Rice fucking Krispies?" 716 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,120 "That's what you're telling me? What did I say to get, huh?" 717 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,400 "I said rice and some cereal for breakfast, 718 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,680 and you came back with Rice Krispies." 719 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:54,920 -[audience laughter] -"Hold on, let me ask you this." 720 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,480 "Let me ask you something." 721 00:30:56,560 --> 00:31:00,040 "Last night, I was seasoning chicken, and we was gonna have that for dinner." 722 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:01,560 "What'll we have on the side?" 723 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:05,400 "Look at my face and tell me what we was gonna have on the side." 724 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:06,440 "Um…" 725 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,240 [sighs] 726 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,600 "Um, maybe we was gonna have 727 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:15,120 Rice Krispies?" 728 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:16,600 "Okay, I'm not gonna lie, 729 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,360 I'm gonna go prison for you kids today, I'm not gonna lie." 730 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,640 "I will fully go prison for these fucking kids today." 731 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,040 "I'm so mad. I'm so disappointed in you." 732 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:26,440 "Where's my change?" 733 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:27,880 [audience] Oh! 734 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,480 -"I don't know where… I don't know." -[audience laughter] 735 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,640 "I don't know, Mum. I don't know where it is." 736 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,800 Now, at this point of you getting grilled, do you know who wants to get involved? 737 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,720 Little siblings, yeah? They want to get involved. 738 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:48,600 They want to ask for things at a time you do not ask your mum for anything. 739 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:52,080 We know the trick is, ask your mum for things when she is on the phone, 740 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:53,680 not when she's enraged. 741 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,680 But they come hopping in, these little siblings of yours. 742 00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,480 "Hello, Mummy! Hi, Mummy! Oh hello, Mummy! Oh my gosh!" 743 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:03,400 "Hello, Rice Krispies! Hello, Peppa Pig! Mummy, can I have some Rice Krispies?" 744 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:05,400 "Listen, you kids better move out of my face 745 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,880 before you all get snapped, crackled, and fucking popped! Move!" 746 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,360 "Move out of my face now!" 747 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,000 "I don't like none of you kids. Move out of my face!" 748 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,440 [audience cheering] 749 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:15,560 Consoling your sibling, 750 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,960 "It's all right, man, don't worry. Mum loves you. It's all right." 751 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:22,920 Little sibling… [crying] "I didn't even do anything!" 752 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,120 -[audience laughter] -[Mo laughs] 753 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,760 "Shouldn't have gotten involved. Why'd you get involved?" 754 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,160 "Always getting involved." 755 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:33,760 [stammering] "I just wanted Rice 756 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:37,160 Krispies!" 757 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:38,200 [audience laughter] 758 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,680 "Why you getting involved? Always involved, man." 759 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,360 "You're adopted. You know you're adopted? You know that?" 760 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,960 "No, I'm not! N-No I'm not!" 761 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,600 -[audience laughter] -[Mo chuckles] 762 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:50,520 [Mo laughing] 763 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,640 That's what they do to little sibs. "You are. Look at his toes." 764 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,320 "Oh my days, look at his toes!" 765 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:56,480 "No!" 766 00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,080 -"We ain't got them toes." -[crying] "No, we do!" 767 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,240 -[Mo laughing] -[audience laughter] 768 00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:05,760 But I had to move out, man. 769 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:09,080 Ended up moving in with my girlfriend. That was an experience in itself. 770 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:12,080 When you live with a partner, that's a real test of relationships. 771 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:14,480 You people in your honeymoon period, you're pricks. 772 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:16,120 You don't know real relationships. 773 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:19,160 Went on holiday with each other? No, you don't know each other. 774 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,320 You know each other when you live with each other. 775 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,200 For example, interior design. 776 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,640 Guys, not a chance. You can't buy nothing. 777 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,560 Women love interior design. 778 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,480 In their hearts, they're all Carol Smillie. 779 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,160 [audience laughter] 780 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,480 You've all got your Pinterest right now of your dream houses. 781 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,160 And you know what women really want? I'mma tell you. 782 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,440 Know what they want? They want a kitchen… 783 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,880 Not just any kitchen, a kitchen with an island. 784 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,880 -That's what they want. Yeah. Yeah. -[audience cheering] 785 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:48,000 Look at them. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" 786 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:49,120 [Mo laughs] 787 00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,040 What? What, with a marble finish? 788 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,960 -Oh shit! -[audience cheering and laughing] 789 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:58,080 So when you leave work in the morning, it's like, "You're up, babes, morning!" 790 00:33:58,160 --> 00:33:59,000 "Breakfast!" 791 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,080 [Mo laughs] 792 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,840 And guys, do you know what your one role is? 793 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,240 Your one role is take out the rubbish. That's it. 794 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:09,120 Take out the rubbish. 795 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,320 Sometimes you'll try and throw it onto your missus, yeah? 796 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,720 "I don't want to take out the rubbish. You take it." 797 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,040 "Me? Take out the rubbish?" 798 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,680 "No! I could get murdered." 799 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:20,920 -"Murdered?" -[audience laughter] 800 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,760 "By who, the Rubbish Man Murderer?" 801 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:25,080 [audience laughter and applause] 802 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:29,080 And also, in the household, women, stop doing this thing, yeah? 803 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:30,440 Stop doing this at night, 804 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,400 when you've been on your phone for three hours, yeah, 805 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,040 and you put your phone down, 806 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,560 and we must put down our phone as well! 807 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,760 -No, man! -[audience cheering and applauding] 808 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:42,320 Fuck that. Come on, man! 809 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,080 -[audience cheering] -Fuck that! I knew you'd come up there. 810 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,240 Come on, get up! Come on, my man. 811 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,480 Come on, bruv. Fuck that, man! 812 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:51,560 [audience whistling] 813 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,160 [Mo laughs] 814 00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:55,120 It was so awkward. The last girl was like… 815 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,640 [audience laughter] 816 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:01,600 He's beside… "That what you think, yeah? Okay, all right." 817 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,800 -[audience laughter] -[Mo laughs] 818 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,000 I'm sorry if I got you in trouble. I'm so sorry. [laughs] 819 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:11,640 You was rejoicing, "Yeah, cuz! Yeah, cuz! Every time, cuz." 820 00:35:11,720 --> 00:35:13,680 -[audience laughter] -[Mo laughs] 821 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,240 It all comes down to communication. 822 00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:18,760 Good communication, you'll have a great relationship. 823 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,920 'Cause right now, everyone wants to go out. 824 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,160 Post-lockdown blues, we wanna go back to normal. 825 00:35:23,240 --> 00:35:26,400 We wanna go out raving, clubbing, doing the things that we like doing. 826 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:27,840 And we don't even communicate. 827 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,280 I've got friends who are lads, geezers. They go out whenever they like. 828 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,600 I'm so jealous sometimes. 829 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,520 Like, "Listen, Stace, I'm going out. Fuck off." Boom. 830 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,800 They are out! They are out on a Saturday morning at 10:00 a.m., 831 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,880 getting a fry-up with the lads. 832 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,240 Then twelve o'clock, they go to the bookies. 833 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,800 They put a bet on. They're not doing big bets. 50p. 834 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:47,520 -50p, you know. -[audience laughter] 835 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,520 50p bets, do an accumulator, 836 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,720 -betting on 20 teams to win in one day. -[audience laughter] 837 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:54,840 And one team will let them down. 838 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:58,280 "Fucking hell, Tottenham Hotspurs. It's always Tottenham. Fuck's sake." 839 00:35:58,880 --> 00:35:59,880 [scattered cheering] 840 00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:03,760 Then all the lads meet up at the pub, and that's where it goes off. 841 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,920 -All the lads see each other, "Oh hey!" -[audience laughter] 842 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,160 Geezers are the only guys I know who insult on entry. 843 00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:14,760 "What's happening? Fucking hell, Dino. What's happening, you fat cunt? Oh hey!" 844 00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:18,200 They all start hitting his belly. "Oh hey, fat boy! Oh hey!" 845 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:19,440 [audience laughter] 846 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:20,760 I'll tell you something. 847 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,840 We do not insult each other in the Black community. Not a chance. 848 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:25,320 Not a chance. What, at entry? 849 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:26,800 "Gwan, what are you saying?" 850 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,720 "Man like Tyrone with your eczema. What you telling me, my guy?" 851 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:31,400 [audience laughter] 852 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:35,480 "My brother, don't fucking do that. Why you talking about my dry knees, cuz?" 853 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:36,880 "Don't ever do that, cuz." 854 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:40,000 "I will slap you with E45. Don't ever do that." 855 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:43,560 -[audience laughter] -[Mo laughing] 856 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:45,640 Then all the lads are there. 857 00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:48,760 And you've seen lads, geezers, they all stick to the same drink. 858 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:52,440 "What are you drinking? A pint? Let's get him a pint. Get him drinking." 859 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,080 One guy not drinking, Little Lee. "What you drinking, Lee?" 860 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:59,000 "No, I'm not drinking, mate. Going on the straight and narrow now." 861 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:03,200 "Been going to AA, really good for my mind and health. Going through a bad patch." 862 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:04,560 "What you drinking, though?" 863 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:05,560 "Cranberry juice." 864 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:07,440 "Cranberry juice?" 865 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:09,720 "On your fucking period? Get him a fucking pint." 866 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:11,320 -[audience laughter] -"Fucking crying…" 867 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:12,640 [imitates nagging] 868 00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:14,720 -"Get him a fucking pint." -[audience laughter] 869 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:18,080 All the lads are there, having the time of their life. 870 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,720 They're letting their hair down. 871 00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:23,520 A lot of these guys have laboring jobs, building jobs, sometimes even carpentry. 872 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,000 You know these guys. 873 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:28,360 Very stressful, intense jobs. They're letting their hair down. 874 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:31,840 'Cause these guys are double busy. They've always got the van in traffic, 875 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:33,600 just getting in beef with cyclists. 876 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:38,200 "Get out of the road, 'cause I'll break your legs right now, son." 877 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,880 I love middle-class cyclists. Know why? They don't even swear. They're like, 878 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,560 "Why don't you shut up of your mouth now?" 879 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,440 [audience laughter] 880 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:50,520 "Shut, up, I'll break your legs." "No, you won't, I've got my camera! Ha!" 881 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,120 -[audience laughter] -[Mo laughing] 882 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,360 Them man will catch you on the camera, boy. 883 00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,080 "You're on the camera now!" 884 00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:58,480 [audience laughter] 885 00:37:58,560 --> 00:37:59,920 "Get away from me!" 886 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,360 -[audience laughter] -[Mo laughs] 887 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,960 "Lucky you got that camera, or I'd smash your legs." 888 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,760 [audience laughter] 889 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:08,600 Is it just me? It can't just be me. 890 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,080 Have you guys seen these cyclists at the lights, 891 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,720 the ones that get to the front, these cocky pricks. 892 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:17,600 They don't put their foot out to balance. They balance on the bike. Seen these guys? 893 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,000 Just grip the wheel, just… 894 00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,680 [gasping] 895 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,880 Waiting for it to go green. Fuck them guys. 896 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:25,480 [audience laughter] 897 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:29,440 Now it gets to about six o'clock. This guy's been out since 10:00 a.m. 898 00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:33,760 He starts flagging a little bit, contemplating whether he should go home. 899 00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:38,240 "Oh mate, I think I might call it a day. No, I'm absolutely shattered." 900 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,800 "Yeah, I've gotta slow down. I've gotta absolutely slow down in life." 901 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,320 "Spend some time with my little boy, Archie. Yeah, spend some time with him." 902 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:50,640 "He's only six years old, but I tell you, he'll play for Chelsea when he's older." 903 00:38:50,720 --> 00:38:52,800 -[audience laughter] -"Absolutely crazy, yeah." 904 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,640 "I think I'm gonna go home, spend some time with the missus." 905 00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:59,520 "Yeah, I think I'm gonna go home. Yeah. I think I'll leave it tonight." 906 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:00,840 All they need is one boost. 907 00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,720 "What's that? I'll have a beer. Yeah." 908 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:06,120 "Ah yeah!" 909 00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,680 -[audience cheering] -"Whoo, ah, yeah!" 910 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,400 -[audience laughter] -[Mo laughs] 911 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:14,640 These guys start speaking to anybody in the club. 912 00:39:14,720 --> 00:39:16,520 -[audience laughter] -Eyes wide. 913 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:18,640 Me and three Black guys, minding our business. 914 00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:22,720 "What's happening? I don't know you, you don't know me, I'm a normal bloke." 915 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,080 "I don't understand what's going on." [laughs] 916 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,600 "You don't know me, good night, I don't know you." 917 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,280 "I fucking love you. Take care." [kisses] 918 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:30,520 And they just kiss you! 919 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:31,560 [audience laughter] 920 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,280 They just kiss you for no reason. 921 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:35,680 [audience laughter] 922 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,680 I say to my friends who are lads and geezers, 923 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:42,880 "You lot, when you go out, you guys seem like you have such a mad night." 924 00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:46,320 "What is the top-tier night?" "I'll tell you what a top-tier night is." 925 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,720 "Wanna know a top-tier night? Getting into a scrap." 926 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:50,920 I said, "What? What, like a fight?" 927 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,040 They say, "Oh yeah. I love getting into a fight." 928 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,640 And that's why I like geezers. 929 00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:57,120 When they get into a fight, there's no talking. 930 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,520 "You what? You want some?" 931 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,040 -Pow! Headbutt. -[audience laughter] 932 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,800 Straight headbutt, the fight is done. 933 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,800 Tracy's like, "Fucking leave it! Always fighting! Always fighting" 934 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,520 "Leave it! Fuck you, Dave!" 935 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,320 "Shut up! Get in the fucking cab. Shut up!" 936 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:13,440 [audience laughter] 937 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:14,720 That's it, fight is done. 938 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,520 But they'll be on the building site Monday morning, 939 00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,640 -exaggerating the fight. -[audience laughter] 940 00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:22,920 Geezers and lads will tell you the best fight stories you've ever heard. 941 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:27,280 "So basically, bruv, guy's come up to me, fucking seven-foot Anthony Joshua cunt, 942 00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:28,400 he comes up to me." 943 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:30,920 "He's already swung. I've gone full-on Matrix." 944 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,840 "'You slag.' Straight up." 945 00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,840 "Pow! Headbutted him. I swear to you." 946 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:37,960 "Headbutted him. I swear on me nan's grave…" 947 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:42,120 "I swear to you, his nose came off. I swear, his nose actually came off." 948 00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:44,680 "Little Lee was doing kick-ups with it." 949 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,720 "His nose come off. I swear on me nan's grave." 950 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:48,960 "I wouldn't lie on me nan's grave, would I?" 951 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,200 -[audience laughter] -[Mo chuckles] 952 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,640 Difference is, in the Black community, we don't even like to fight. 953 00:40:55,720 --> 00:40:57,080 You've seen it when it kicks off. 954 00:40:57,160 --> 00:41:00,320 It's one guy asking everyone questions apart from the guy he'll fight. 955 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,160 "What? Is this guy mad?" 956 00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:04,120 [audience laughter] 957 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,320 "Talk to this guy, 'cause I'm getting mad!" 958 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,000 "Who's this guy? Talk to my man now!" 959 00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:10,520 "Does he know who I am?" 960 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,520 [audience laughter] 961 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:17,000 Even Chantal gets involved 'cause she knows both parties. 962 00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,680 "Why you lot always gotta fight for, man, every fucking time, man?" 963 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,400 "Can't even have a good night. You lot always wanna fight." 964 00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,160 "No, man, you lot are dusty, you need to allow that." 965 00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:28,600 [babbling mockingly] 966 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:31,120 [audience laughter] 967 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,560 Chantal will get involved, though. She'll back it for the man, Chantal. 968 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,760 You've seen Chantal after the fight. One shoe on, one shoe off. 969 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,960 -[breathing heavily] -[audience laughter] 970 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,040 -"Where's my phone?" -[audience laughter] 971 00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,680 "I need my phone. I can't find my phone." 972 00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,120 With one titty out. 973 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,640 -[audience laughter] -"I need my phone." 974 00:41:50,720 --> 00:41:53,640 "What? What are you looking at? What?" 975 00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:55,120 "What?" 976 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,160 And then she just puts Jamaican twang in it. 977 00:41:57,240 --> 00:41:59,760 "What are you looking at? Can be a bad gyal, you know?" 978 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:01,400 "What?" 979 00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,760 -[audience laughter] -[Mo laughing] 980 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:05,840 The men are just like, 981 00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:09,240 "I'm looking at that titty. Not gonna lie, I'm looking at the titty." 982 00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,040 "You looking at her titty? Me too, I'm looking at her titty." 983 00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:13,640 There's always one horny friend. 984 00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:16,200 "I ain't gonna lie, I'll suck that titty now on the street." 985 00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,440 [audience laughter] 986 00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:21,040 Even me, I don't like fighting. I never liked fighting. 987 00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,800 I've never been a fighter. I like to call myself a defender. 988 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:27,840 I find ways to defend myself in fights, every situation. 989 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,520 For example, I've got small wrists, yeah? 990 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,760 This is a hazard for me, yeah? Small wrists, yeah? 991 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,720 If someone holds my wrist, that's it. 992 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,360 So you know what I do every day? 993 00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:40,400 -I make sure I cream my arms, yeah? -[audience laughter] 994 00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,000 Just in case someone holds me, 995 00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:44,600 -I go, "Get the fuck off me, bruv." -[audience laughter] 996 00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:48,240 "Don't fucking touch these smooth wrists. Get the fuck off me, bruv." 997 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:49,720 "How dare you?" 998 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:53,680 But even back in the day, I didn't like fighting. Yeah? 999 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:57,120 We used to settle it, back in the day, by doing clash. That's what we'd do. 1000 00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,480 We'd go to the youth club and we'd do a clash. 1001 00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:02,320 That's what our mentors would say. "No, man. Fighting? Fuck that." 1002 00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:03,560 "Just spray on the mic." 1003 00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,520 That's what we'd do, cuss each other's mums at the youth club. 1004 00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,560 I'll take you back to what we used to do in the youth club. 1005 00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:11,000 I'mma split the room in half. 1006 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,160 You guys are the left side, yeah? 1007 00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:16,280 So I'm gonna give you your word for the clash. Your word is "okay." 1008 00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:17,560 Let's try. Here we go. 1009 00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:18,800 One, two, three. 1010 00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:19,840 [audience] Okay. 1011 00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:20,880 Okay, not too bad. 1012 00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,120 Your voice is deep. Oh my gosh, bruv. 1013 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:24,200 [deep voice] "Okay!" 1014 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:25,360 [audience laughter] 1015 00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,760 Okay. All right. Now, right-hand side. You guys are the right-hand side. 1016 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,160 Now, everybody on the right-hand side, 1017 00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:35,400 your word of choice is gonna be "dickhead." Is that all right? 1018 00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:38,720 -[audience cheering] -Okay. Fantastic. Look at them talking. 1019 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:42,240 "I think that's fine. We don't need to practice. I know this word by heart." 1020 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,320 -[audience laughter] -Okay, all right. 1021 00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:46,920 DJ, run the track, please. 1022 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,400 -Okay. Okay. -[hip hop playing] 1023 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:52,600 When I point to you, that is your time. We'll go to the left first. 1024 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:55,000 ♪ Okay Let me talk to the left side ♪ 1025 00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,000 -♪ Everybody say… ♪ -[audience] Okay! 1026 00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:58,400 ♪ Let me talk to the left side ♪ 1027 00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,200 -♪ Everybody say… ♪ -[audience] Okay! 1028 00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:01,720 ♪ Let me talk to the right side ♪ 1029 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,960 -♪ We call the left side… ♪ -[audience] Dickhead! 1030 00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:05,920 ♪ Let me talk to the right We call the left… ♪ 1031 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,440 [audience] Dickhead! 1032 00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:08,440 [Mo laughs] 1033 00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:09,880 [audience laughter] 1034 00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:11,640 [Mo laughing] 1035 00:44:11,720 --> 00:44:14,520 -[audience cheering] -[Mo laughing] 1036 00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:18,360 -The right side waited their whole life… -[audience laughter] 1037 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:20,240 …to say that "dickhead," yeah? 1038 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:25,920 Look at you scoundrels in the middle. "Yeah, I'm on this side now, so, yeah." 1039 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:29,360 Look at the left side, you're fuming. "Can we get another word?" 1040 00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:32,840 Okay. All right. I'mma give you guys a better word on the left side. 1041 00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,000 Your new word is 1042 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,360 "wankers." Is that okay? 1043 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:37,880 -[audience] Yes! -Yeah? Yeah? 1044 00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:39,080 You gotta really say it. 1045 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,440 If you wanna do the hand and get involved, get involved, yeah? 1046 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:44,640 Okay, right-hand side, how's it going? 1047 00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:47,280 -They're like, "We're 1 and 0 so far." -[audience cheering] 1048 00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,120 So, right-hand side, you've been upgraded. 1049 00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,800 Your word on the right-hand side is gonna be 1050 00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:54,720 "pussyhole." 1051 00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,640 -Yeah? -[audience laughter] 1052 00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:58,080 Ooh. 1053 00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,680 Oh my gosh. Wow. 1054 00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:04,880 Okay, DJ, run the track, please. 1055 00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,680 -[hip hop plays] -♪ Let me talk to the left ♪ 1056 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,960 -♪ We call the right… ♪ -[audience] Wanker! 1057 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,920 ♪ Let me talk to the left We call the right… ♪ 1058 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,000 [audience] Wanker! 1059 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,240 ♪ Let me talk to the right side We tell them… ♪ 1060 00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:16,000 [audience] Pussyhole! 1061 00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,680 [audience laughing and applauding] 1062 00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:22,960 -[Mo laughing] -[audience cheering and whistling] 1063 00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:29,640 No. No. 1064 00:45:29,720 --> 00:45:33,560 Did you lot see their lips? Everyone on the right side, their lips went… 1065 00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:36,760 [audience laughter] 1066 00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:38,760 Some of you lot were gonna explode! 1067 00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:40,240 [audience laughter] 1068 00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,760 Sixty-year-old Barbara over there, "Pussyhole!" 1069 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:43,760 [audience laughter] 1070 00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,960 "Give it to them! They're not even on time over there!" 1071 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:48,880 [audience laughter] 1072 00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,360 Oh, left-hand side, man. 1073 00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:54,320 All right. Okay. What I'm gonna do now, I'll be fair. Okay. 1074 00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:57,880 Is there a word that you guys collectively would like to have as your word? 1075 00:45:57,960 --> 00:45:59,040 Is there a word? 1076 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,440 [audience shouting] 1077 00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,600 -"Bumboclaat"? Ooh. -[audience laughter] 1078 00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,480 Okay, you've woke up. 1079 00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:08,080 -Thanks for coming, left side. Finally! -[audience laughter] 1080 00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:11,680 Look at these scumbags in the middle. "Yeah, I think I'm on this side now." 1081 00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,400 Okay, your one is "bumboclaat." 1082 00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:16,280 -Okay. Nice. -[audience cheering] 1083 00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,560 How's it going, right side? Doing well, fantastic. 1084 00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:20,880 -[audience cheering] -Now, guys, you're on level three. 1085 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:22,560 I'll tell you what word you have. 1086 00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:24,720 I'm gonna go into my safe, okay. 1087 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:26,680 Here we go. We're going very vintage. 1088 00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:28,160 [gasps] Oh my gosh. 1089 00:46:28,240 --> 00:46:30,600 Know what you have on the right side? Oh my gosh. 1090 00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:33,240 You've hit the jackpot. Know what you guys have got? 1091 00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:34,320 "Suck your mum." 1092 00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:36,920 [audience laughing and cheering] 1093 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:38,480 Oh my gosh. 1094 00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:40,640 Patience is the virtue. 1095 00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:41,840 That's what it is. 1096 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:43,840 Oh my gosh. 1097 00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:46,560 "Bumboclaat" versus "Suck your mum." [gasps] 1098 00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,760 -[audience laughter] -Oh my gosh. 1099 00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:52,240 DJ, run the track one last time. 1100 00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:53,640 -Okay. -[hip hop plays] 1101 00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:54,840 ♪ Let me talk to the left ♪ 1102 00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:56,960 -♪ We tell the right side… ♪ -[audience] Bumboclaat! 1103 00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:58,960 ♪ Let me talk to the left We tell the right… ♪ 1104 00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:00,200 [audience] Bumboclaat! 1105 00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,440 ♪ Let me talk to the right side We tell them… ♪ 1106 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:04,440 [audience] Suck your mum! 1107 00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:06,720 [audience cheering] 1108 00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,360 -[Mo laughing] -[audience cheering] 1109 00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:14,400 -[Mo laughing] -[audience cheering] 1110 00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:17,040 This guy standing up like he started it. "Yeah!" 1111 00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,000 [audience laughter] 1112 00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:23,080 I don't even know how we got here. Basically what I'm trying to say… [laughs] 1113 00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,360 …is guys, if you want to go out, just go out. 1114 00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:29,400 Stop doing this random amnesia that we do on a Thursday night 1115 00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:31,120 sitting there with our missus, like, 1116 00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:33,880 "Oh. By the way, do you know what, babes?" 1117 00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:36,640 "I just realized, yeah, 1118 00:47:36,720 --> 00:47:39,120 I'm going out on Saturday, you know? Yeah." 1119 00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:40,640 -"Yeah." -[audience laughter] 1120 00:47:40,720 --> 00:47:44,200 'Cause in this moment, your missus is fuming. Yeah? 1121 00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,640 "Oh, that's nice. Really good for you, okay." 1122 00:47:46,720 --> 00:47:48,880 "Fantastic. You didn't say nothing about this." 1123 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,760 Then, guys, we pretend like we don't want to go out, don't we? 1124 00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:55,520 "Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I don't even know if I want to go, you know?" 1125 00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,560 -[audience laughter] -"Yeah, I don't even know, you know?" 1126 00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,920 Your missus will test you as well, you know? 1127 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,040 "Yeah, I don't even know if I want to go." 1128 00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:04,600 "Maybe you should stay with me." 1129 00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:07,440 "We'll get a Chinese and watch the Sex and the City movie." 1130 00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:08,680 [audience laughter] 1131 00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:12,920 "Yeah, I'm probably gonna have to go, you know, babes. Yeah." 1132 00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:18,520 Saturday comes, guys, you're absolutely feeling yourself, yeah? 1133 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,440 Aren't you, guys? You're in the shower, 1134 00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,480 you got your music playing in the sink for the echo vibrations. 1135 00:48:24,240 --> 00:48:26,480 You look in the mirror, you're feeling yourself, 1136 00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,680 you look in the mirror like, "What? [laughs] Man like you." 1137 00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:30,960 [audience laughter] 1138 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:34,280 "What?" The mirror even goes, "No, bruv, man like you." 1139 00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:35,320 [audience laughter] 1140 00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:39,200 Your missus is fuming. She's sitting on the sofa with Sudocrem on her face. 1141 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,400 -Pow, pow, pow, pow. -[audience laughter] 1142 00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:45,200 -[mockingly] "Man like you. Man like you." -[audience laughter] 1143 00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:46,840 She is fuming. 1144 00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:48,280 You're just about to leave. 1145 00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,560 "Yeah, gwan, my guy, you're outside, yeah?" 1146 00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,720 "Okay, let me bring the lemonade for the mixer, let me bring that." 1147 00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:55,720 Out of nowhere, "Don't take that lemonade." 1148 00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,800 "That's mine. I was gonna drink that tonight by myself." 1149 00:48:58,880 --> 00:48:59,960 [audience laughter] 1150 00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,520 "Babe, that's been in the fridge for, like, four weeks." 1151 00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:06,960 "Yeah, and I'm gonna drink it by myself 'cause you're not gonna be here, yes." 1152 00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:08,000 [audience laughter] 1153 00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,920 Guys, when your missus is feeling like this, just go. 1154 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,320 Just go and enjoy yourself. But what do you do? 1155 00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:16,360 You want to see what's wrong. Don't you, guys? You wanna inspect. 1156 00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:20,080 "Babes, what's wrong? You seem like you're in some kind of mood." 1157 00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:23,440 "What's wrong with you? What's wrong? I'm about to go out. What's wrong?" 1158 00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:24,680 "No, I'm absolutely fine." 1159 00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,480 "I'm having a great time by myself, so I'm fine, yeah." 1160 00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,640 "I can tell you're not fine so I'm saying, what's wrong?" 1161 00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:33,640 "Sorry, why are you shouting right now?" 1162 00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:35,400 "Why are you shouting?" 1163 00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:39,920 You don't know if you're shouting or not. "What? Was I shouting? I wasn't shouting." 1164 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:41,600 "What are you talking about?" 1165 00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:43,880 "Babes, you seem like you're in a mood." 1166 00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:46,920 "I'm gonna go out with my friends, and you seem pissed off." 1167 00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:49,440 "What do you mean, I'm in a mood, and you're going out?" 1168 00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:51,920 "No, don't gaslight me. Why are you gaslight…" 1169 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:55,840 "What you're doing is gaslighting. That's what you're doing." 1170 00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:58,640 Sorry, women, where the fuck did you find this word from? 1171 00:49:58,720 --> 00:49:59,880 [audience laughter] 1172 00:49:59,960 --> 00:50:02,280 "Gaslighting." Us guys don't even know what it means. 1173 00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:05,680 -"What, gaslighting? Lighting of the gas?" -[audience laughter] 1174 00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,840 "So, hold on. Are you on fire if I'm gonna light this gas?" 1175 00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:11,400 "I don't understand. Do I work for British Gas?" 1176 00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,640 "Why would I light the gas? I don't understand." 1177 00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:17,840 Then you women hit us with a phrase that you absolutely love. 1178 00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:21,360 This phrase has been the downfall of man for centuries. 1179 00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:22,840 You know the phrase. 1180 00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:26,400 -"Do you know what? Do whatever you want." -[audience laughter] 1181 00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:28,040 "Do whatever you like." 1182 00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:31,320 "I don't care. Do whatever you want. Yeah?" 1183 00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,360 Guys, don't do whatever you want. It's a trick. 1184 00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:35,440 [audience laughter] 1185 00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:38,320 Don't do whatever you like. Just go out with the guys. 1186 00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:40,160 You know what it's like with the guys. 1187 00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:42,440 It's a different energy, especially in the club. 1188 00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:45,080 Ten guys on a table. Everyone's being cool. 1189 00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,000 You see them on the table, being cool. 1190 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,600 You've got the music playing in the club, yeah? 1191 00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:51,360 All the guys do the pictures. 1192 00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:53,000 "Come, come. Picture, picture." 1193 00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:54,440 [hip hop playing] 1194 00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:56,360 [audience laughter] 1195 00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,040 [audience laughter] 1196 00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:02,400 Even people take pictures like they're a bad man, yeah? 1197 00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:05,280 Tim works with kids. He's a teacher, yeah? 1198 00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:08,480 But when he's with the guys, he takes a picture like he's a bad man. 1199 00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:10,640 You've seen Tim's pictures on Instagram. 1200 00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:14,120 [audience laughter] 1201 00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,400 With the caption, "Money is the pain that caused it." 1202 00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,000 -What are you talking about, man? -[audience laughter] 1203 00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,800 There's only one guy in the group enjoying himself, yeah? 1204 00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,720 There's always a tense friend, isn't there? 1205 00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:27,680 The tense friend, distressed. 1206 00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:30,880 "Yo, blud, you know this guy? I'll bang him in the face for you." 1207 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,920 "What? Why you gonna bang him in the face?" 1208 00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:35,240 "He's the fucking waiter. What's wrong with you?" 1209 00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:37,440 -[audience laughter] -Only one guy is dancing. 1210 00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:40,520 He's doing them new TikTok dances. You've seen these guys, yeah? 1211 00:51:41,720 --> 00:51:45,680 [audience laughter] 1212 00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,160 "Hey!" 1213 00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:51,480 He's having too much fun. Can't have too much fun. 1214 00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:53,440 "Bruv, don't do that, man." 1215 00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:56,160 [audience laughter] 1216 00:51:56,240 --> 00:51:57,160 And what happens? 1217 00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:00,040 The mandem start putting it on their Insta stories. 1218 00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:03,880 You know what it's like, women. You are checking them stories, aren't you? 1219 00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:08,360 All the mandem. "Yo, he telling me my guy put it on the story?" 1220 00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:11,960 "Hey! Hey! Hey!" 1221 00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:14,680 "Having the time of my life right now!" 1222 00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:16,960 And just as you're having the time of your life, 1223 00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:20,480 your missus will send you that dissertation text, yeah? 1224 00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:22,240 During the dance, yeah? 1225 00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:28,040 [audience laughter] 1226 00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:33,680 You know when the texts are so long, it says, "Read more"? 1227 00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:35,240 [audience laughter] 1228 00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:38,080 -[audience cheering] -[Mo laughing] 1229 00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:39,920 -[audience applauding] -[Mo laughing] 1230 00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:43,000 Look at all these witches clapping. "Yeah, that's what we do." 1231 00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,080 -[audience laughter] -"Fuck up their shit." 1232 00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:49,520 'Cause, guys, we be fuming, innit? Oh my gosh, we'll be fuming. 1233 00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:54,240 Just sitting there, contemplating life. "No, I can't do this anymore. No, man." 1234 00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:56,480 "Me? Why would you do this to me?" 1235 00:52:56,560 --> 00:52:57,800 "No, man, me, you know?" 1236 00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:01,000 "Do you know how cold I am at FIFA, and you want to do this to me?" 1237 00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,080 "No, man." 1238 00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:06,320 Just got your little McDonald's 20 nuggets, you're fuming, yeah? 1239 00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:08,520 "Don't even want to eat this now, I'm fuming." 1240 00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:10,760 What happens? You know what happens? 1241 00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:14,080 Guys, you put your keys in the door, and then all of a sudden, 1242 00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,120 you women turn into Hollywood actresses, yeah? 1243 00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,240 That key goes in the door, and you're awake, 1244 00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:20,640 but when you hear that key… 1245 00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:21,560 [gasps] 1246 00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:23,920 -[snores] -[audience laughter] 1247 00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:30,520 "Babes." 1248 00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:33,240 "Babes." 1249 00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:34,680 [audience laughter] 1250 00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:37,240 "Babes, are you sleeping, babes?" 1251 00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:39,800 "Huh? Huh?" 1252 00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:41,560 [audience laughter] 1253 00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:43,360 [yawns] 1254 00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:47,080 "Mm, yeah, I was sleeping, yeah." 1255 00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:49,600 -[audience laughter] -"Mm, what time is it?" 1256 00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:51,680 -"Oh, 3:00 a.m.?" -[audience laughter] 1257 00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:53,680 "Oh, have a good night, though, yeah?" 1258 00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:55,120 -"Mm." -[audience laughter] 1259 00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:57,920 "Yeah, I had a good night. I wanted to quickly speak to you." 1260 00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:01,320 "I know it's kind of late, but I wanna get some things off my chest." 1261 00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:02,760 "Oh." 1262 00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,880 -"Okay, it's a bit late, but…" -[audience laughter] 1263 00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:08,800 "Mm, okay, well, yeah. Say what you say, what's up? What's up?" 1264 00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:12,120 "So basically, um, you know, like, obviously, like, 1265 00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:15,400 I was… I was… you know, I got my little food after the rave, 1266 00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:18,080 and I was just thinking to myself, like how I feel." 1267 00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,240 "Sorry, what'd you say? What'd you say?" 1268 00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:22,360 "I'm saying I was thinking to myself." 1269 00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:23,440 "No, before that." 1270 00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:26,720 "I'm saying I got some food before I came and stuff, innit, so--" 1271 00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:29,040 "Yeah, okay, all right. Say what you're saying." 1272 00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:30,400 "Um…" 1273 00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,200 "Okay, basically, yeah, I just feel like in a relationship, 1274 00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:37,080 if I want to go out, I should be able to go out when I want, 1275 00:54:37,160 --> 00:54:40,120 because at the end of the day, I should be free and do what I want." 1276 00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,160 "Okay, all right, sorry, can I stop you there?" 1277 00:54:42,240 --> 00:54:45,920 "Can I stop you there? Sorry. Um, can I just stop you one second?" 1278 00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,200 "Okay, look. At the end of the day, I don't care." 1279 00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,520 "You go raving with your friends, so what? I'm not bothered about that." 1280 00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:54,280 "What I'm bothered about is this weird amnesia you get, like, 1281 00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:57,760 'Oh, know what? I didn't know I was going out.'" [babbling mockingly] 1282 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,880 "You're a big, grown man and you don't know you're going out Saturday, 1283 00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:01,920 and it's Thursday?" 1284 00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,880 "Am I a dickhead? I'm not a dickhead. You know what I'm saying?" 1285 00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:07,440 "What I'm saying is if you go out, I don't even care." 1286 00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:08,680 "'Cause I don't know…" 1287 00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:11,960 "Do you know what? Whatever. See what I'm saying?" [eating] 1288 00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:15,200 "Because we need to be talking as a couple…" 1289 00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:16,440 [eating] 1290 00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:18,760 "…where we can just get on, 'cause we're not getting on, 1291 00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:22,120 and I don't want conflict and be like, you know…" [eating] 1292 00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:25,000 "You know… Have you got the Sweet 'N Sour sauce?" 1293 00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:26,680 -[audience laughter] -"Okay." 1294 00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:29,840 Yeah, women will just gas you up in two seconds. 1295 00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:32,680 "I'm not gonna lie, though, yeah? I'm not gonna lie." 1296 00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:35,640 [eating] 1297 00:55:35,720 --> 00:55:37,760 "You did look very buff today, not gonna lie." 1298 00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:38,960 [audience laughter] 1299 00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:41,240 "I don't like it when you go out looking all buff, 1300 00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:42,960 'cause you know what you're doing." 1301 00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:46,000 "Am I lying? You know what you're doing. What are you doing?" 1302 00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:49,320 "Love, me man, I'm not doing no, man. Love, me man." 1303 00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:52,040 -[audience laughter] -"This girl, man. So dumb, man." 1304 00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:54,680 "Okay, listen, give me a kiss. I love you." [kisses] 1305 00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:57,400 "Okay. All right. Good night. I love you. Okay. Good night." 1306 00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,640 Guys, you go to bed with a different energy. 1307 00:55:59,720 --> 00:56:00,960 [audience laughter] 1308 00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:04,200 "Yeah, fucking told her there, you know? Yeah." 1309 00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:06,040 -[audience laughter] -"Yeah." 1310 00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:06,960 [chuckles] 1311 00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:08,000 [groans] 1312 00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:09,040 [inhales] 1313 00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:11,200 "Mm, mm." 1314 00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:13,760 [inhales] "Mm, okay. Mm." 1315 00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:16,120 [inhales deeply, exhales] 1316 00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:17,600 -[audience laughter] -[smacks lips] 1317 00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:20,080 "Mm." [smacks lips] 1318 00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:21,720 [inhales] "Mm." 1319 00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:24,600 [audience laughter] 1320 00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:27,000 "Hey, babes. Babes." 1321 00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:30,240 "Are you sleeping, babes?" 1322 00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:31,720 [audience laughter] 1323 00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:33,240 [Mo laughing] 1324 00:56:33,760 --> 00:56:35,480 -[audience laughing] -[Mo laughs] 1325 00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:37,720 "Mm." 1326 00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:39,880 -[audience laughter] -"Mm." 1327 00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:45,480 -[audience laughter] -"Mm. Mm." 1328 00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:49,960 "Yes, I'm sleeping." 1329 00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:51,920 -[audience laughter] -[Mo laughs] 1330 00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:55,560 -[Mo laughing] -[audience cheering and applauding] 1331 00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:56,560 [Mo laughs] 1332 00:56:57,640 --> 00:56:59,560 That drunk nugget sex where… 1333 00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:01,800 -"Unh, unh." -[audience laughter] 1334 00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:03,800 I gotta big up the women. 1335 00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:07,520 You lot go out whenever you want. You're not asking anyone. Yeah? 1336 00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:10,280 "Listen, babes, I'm going to Ibiza, I'll see you next weekend." Boom. 1337 00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:12,640 -You're out. You're gone. -[audience laughter] 1338 00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:15,840 You don't care, you're not asking for permission. You're gone. 1339 00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:18,800 Even the way you're going out and raving has completely changed. 1340 00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:20,680 You're not going out at night anymore. 1341 00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:22,960 Your new thing now is brunches. 1342 00:57:23,040 --> 00:57:25,080 -Oh my gosh. -[audience cheering] 1343 00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:27,200 Women, you love a brunch! 1344 00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:30,520 Madam, you've been to a brunch, yeah? You been to a brunch? 1345 00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:33,680 Look at them. "Been to a brunch? Going to one tomorrow. Yeah." 1346 00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:36,000 -[audience laughter] -You women love a brunch. 1347 00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:38,520 Guys, I don't know if you understand what happens. 1348 00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:41,960 'Cause you know what it's like, there'll be 15 girls going to this brunch. 1349 00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:44,120 Fifteen girls, yeah? They're all planning. 1350 00:57:44,200 --> 00:57:47,560 Even girls' groups, girls, you know what it's like, 15 girls in the batch, 1351 00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:51,160 but really, you're only close friends with, like, two or three of them. 1352 00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:53,400 The rest are just girls from other friends, 1353 00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:56,520 but you need those numbers so you can get a good table. 1354 00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,560 'Cause you've got beef with some of the girls from four years ago, 1355 00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:02,840 and this girl doesn't even know you paid for her cab four years ago. 1356 00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:04,800 Every time you see her, you're so passive. 1357 00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:08,080 "Hello, you all right, Sarah? See you got here okay, did you?" 1358 00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:09,400 [audience laughter] 1359 00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:13,120 "Fucking bitch. I don't like her. I don't even like her, you know." 1360 00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:15,560 "It's four pounds." "The point is the principle." 1361 00:58:15,640 --> 00:58:17,680 [audience laughter] 1362 00:58:17,760 --> 00:58:20,400 Guys, you don't realize when women go to the brunch, 1363 00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:22,280 it's all about pictures for the ladies. 1364 00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:25,600 Women, you go nuts with pictures. You got your weird fucking poses. 1365 00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:28,600 What's this pose about, where you're standing here, and this leg is up here? 1366 00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:30,200 -What's going on? -[audience laughter] 1367 00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:33,400 Are you taking a free kick, Cristiano Ronaldo? What's going on? 1368 00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:35,320 [audience laughter] 1369 00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:38,920 But girls go mad for their girls in these pictures. They go absolutely mad. 1370 00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,840 "Babe, take a picture." They go nuts. "Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow." 1371 00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:45,480 "Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Pow, pow, pow." 1372 00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:46,880 [trilling tongue] 1373 00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:50,120 You know there's a feature, if you hold down the iPhone camera, 1374 00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:52,560 it takes, like, 10,000 pictures in one go. 1375 00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:55,880 "Just move. Come into the light and move, yeah?" You'll just see her go… 1376 00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:00,440 [audience laughter] 1377 00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:02,960 Just looking for the one picture 1378 00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:05,680 in the cab with your girl, 10,000 pictures. 1379 00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:08,360 You find the one, crop it, put a filter on there, 1380 00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:11,080 vivid warm, it's on the 'Gram. Yeah? 1381 00:59:11,160 --> 00:59:13,200 And you meet all the other girls, yeah? 1382 00:59:13,280 --> 00:59:14,480 All the girls link up. 1383 00:59:14,560 --> 00:59:17,440 "Don't go in before me. Wait for me." You all meet up. 1384 00:59:17,520 --> 00:59:20,640 "Hello, you all right, darling? How you doing? Ah!" 1385 00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:24,120 "Hello, baby. I love you." [kisses] "Hello, how you doing, you okay?" 1386 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:25,640 "Sarah. Bitch." 1387 00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:27,920 [audience laughter] 1388 00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:30,480 "Hiya, hello, you all right? How you doing? Hiya." 1389 00:59:30,560 --> 00:59:32,840 "Hiya! Hiya!" 1390 00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:35,120 -[audience laughter] -Ladies love that "hiya" word. 1391 00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:37,960 Guys, we cannot use the "hiya" word. It's not allowed for us. 1392 00:59:38,040 --> 00:59:40,520 We don't have the vocal tone to use "hiya." 1393 00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:42,280 Could you imagine you and the lads? 1394 00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:46,160 [deep voice] "What's happening, Gary? Hiya! Hiya! Hiya!" 1395 00:59:46,240 --> 00:59:48,200 [audience laughter] 1396 00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:52,720 All the girls are there, 15 girls are there on the table. 1397 00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:54,840 And as you get drunk, the pictures change. 1398 00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:58,440 "Come on, girls, let's do a Boomerang. Let's do a Boomerang!" 1399 00:59:58,520 --> 01:00:00,280 Why is it when you do an Instagram Boomerang, 1400 01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:02,560 you do what's gonna happen in the Boomerang? 1401 01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:05,440 "Do something for the Boomerang. Ready? One, two, three." 1402 01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:08,520 [audience laughter] 1403 01:00:08,600 --> 01:00:10,880 Some girls are not even ready for the Boomerang. 1404 01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:13,160 They're just in the back of your Boomerang. 1405 01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:15,760 [audience laughter] 1406 01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:18,120 [Mo chuckles] 1407 01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:20,280 "I look so ugly, don't put that up." 1408 01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:23,600 "I'm putting it up. It's up there on the 'Gram. It's on the 'Gram." 1409 01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:24,840 [audience laughter] 1410 01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:27,760 Then you're loading up to get to the turn-up, yeah? 1411 01:00:27,840 --> 01:00:30,560 Now, you're drunk. And you know what happens, ladies? 1412 01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:34,200 When you get drunk, you become so annoying. 1413 01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:35,240 Do you notice? 1414 01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:36,760 I don't think you notice. 1415 01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:39,680 You get so annoying, yeah? 1416 01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:43,320 And what do you want to do when you get drunk and annoying 1417 01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,520 and you're reaching for the turn-up? Do you want to keep turning up? 1418 01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:49,760 No. What you want to do, you want to check in with us. 1419 01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:52,240 Yeah? In the afternoon, leave me alone. 1420 01:00:52,320 --> 01:00:55,360 -I'm playing Call of Duty. Leave me alone. -[audience laughter] 1421 01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:58,280 I'm playing Call of Duty in the afternoon. Leave me alone. 1422 01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:00,080 I'll be honest, I'll tell you for free, 1423 01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:03,520 when we're out with the guys, we don't want to check in on you. 1424 01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:04,880 -[audience laughter] -We don't. 1425 01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,480 You know what it's like, guys. "Man, gonna call the missus." 1426 01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:08,680 "Bruv, don't do it." 1427 01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,040 [audience laughter] 1428 01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:12,480 "Why?" "She'll spoil the fun and tell you to come home." 1429 01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:15,080 "Okay, I won't do it. I won't do it." 1430 01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:18,600 I'm playing Call of Duty with my friends in the afternoon, online, 1431 01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:20,360 with people all around the world, 1432 01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:22,440 and you want to call me up from the brunch, 1433 01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:25,200 drunk with your annoying self? Yeah? 1434 01:01:25,280 --> 01:01:26,880 "Hello?" 1435 01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:28,600 "Hello?" 1436 01:01:28,680 --> 01:01:32,040 "Hello, is that the bitch pussy old boy, hello?" 1437 01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:34,760 -[audience laughter] -[laughing] 1438 01:01:34,840 --> 01:01:36,240 "Hello?" 1439 01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:38,440 "Uh, babes, babes, um, I'm… 1440 01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:41,000 Babes, I'm playing Call of Duty right now, babes." 1441 01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:42,640 "Uh, what's wrong?" 1442 01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:45,360 "Oh, you're playing Call of Duty. Okay." 1443 01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:48,800 [mockingly] "All right, I'm a soldier man. Okay." 1444 01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:51,520 [mockingly] "A soldier man." 1445 01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:54,840 "So what are you doing? What's going on in the Call of Duty game?" 1446 01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:57,440 "What's going on there? What's happening in that thing?" 1447 01:01:57,520 --> 01:02:00,800 "I can't really talk right now 'cause we're about to go into the Gulag, 1448 01:02:00,880 --> 01:02:02,880 so can't really talk right now." 1449 01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:07,960 "I'm saying, yeah, fuck the fucking Gulag, yeah?" 1450 01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:10,120 "Okay, listen to what I'm saying, yeah." 1451 01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:12,080 "I'm at the brunch, yeah." 1452 01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:13,920 [burps] "Okay." 1453 01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:16,200 -[laughing drunkenly] -[audience laughter] 1454 01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:17,320 [laughs] 1455 01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:21,120 "No, prosecco gasses me up, it gasses me up, you know that, Chanice." 1456 01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:22,560 [coughs] 1457 01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:24,120 "Listen, yeah." 1458 01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:26,280 "I'm here, yeah." 1459 01:02:26,360 --> 01:02:30,120 "And I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit drunk, yeah?" 1460 01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:32,040 "And you know what, yeah?" 1461 01:02:32,120 --> 01:02:34,800 -[laughing drunkenly] -[audience laughter] 1462 01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:38,280 "Yas, yaas, yaaas!" [laughs] 1463 01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:41,080 "That's Dom Perrier.  Dom Perrier." [laughs] 1464 01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:45,000 "Can I say something, yeah? I'm a bit drunk, and you know what, yeah?" 1465 01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:47,400 "I'm feeling horny, you know that, right?" 1466 01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:49,240 -[laughs drunkenly] -[audience laughter] 1467 01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:52,000 "So what are you saying, Call of Duty Man? Huh?" 1468 01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:55,600 "What you saying? You're gonna blow up my back, you're gonna do that?" 1469 01:02:55,680 --> 01:02:58,000 -[laughs drunkenly] -[audience laughter] 1470 01:02:58,080 --> 01:02:59,600 "Are you gonna do that, yeah?" 1471 01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:01,120 "Can I call you back in a bit?" 1472 01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:03,960 "The game's gonna start. I'm about to go into the Gulag." 1473 01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:05,960 "So you're playing Call of Duty, yeah?" 1474 01:03:06,040 --> 01:03:09,800 "Okay, pussy old boy, all right. Okay." 1475 01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:12,880 -"Pew, pew, pew. Pew, pew, pew." -[audience laughter] 1476 01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:16,520 "Hold up, wait a minute, it's a pussyhole. Get off the phone." 1477 01:03:16,600 --> 01:03:18,560 -[audience laughter] -"Fucking idiot." 1478 01:03:18,640 --> 01:03:21,000 -[audience applauding] -"Such an idiot." 1479 01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:23,600 Then you girls are drunk. 1480 01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:25,240 Oh my gosh, you're drunk. 1481 01:03:25,320 --> 01:03:29,000 And you're just about to go into full turn-up mode. 1482 01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:32,800 And there's that one song that just makes you lose your mind 1483 01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:35,120 -and your inhibitions, yeah? -[hip hop plays] 1484 01:03:35,200 --> 01:03:39,640 -"Oh my days!" -[audience laughter] 1485 01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:41,200 "Oh my gosh, this is my song." 1486 01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:43,680 "Let me take off my heels. Oh my God." 1487 01:03:43,760 --> 01:03:45,600 -"Oh my God!" -[audience laughter] 1488 01:03:45,680 --> 01:03:48,400 "No, don't… Don't gas me up. Don't gas me up." 1489 01:03:48,480 --> 01:03:49,480 "No, gas me up." 1490 01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:50,960 "No, I can't do it." 1491 01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:53,160 "Oh my gosh, no, I can't, I'm so drunk." 1492 01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:56,640 "Oh my gosh, don't record me. No, record me secretly, yeah?" 1493 01:03:56,720 --> 01:03:59,760 -[audience laughter] -"Oh my gosh, no, I can't do it." 1494 01:03:59,840 --> 01:04:02,480 "Oh my gosh, I'll do it, yeah? Oh my…" 1495 01:04:02,560 --> 01:04:04,760 -"Oh!" [laughs] -[audience laughter] 1496 01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:06,760 -"Yeah!" -[audience cheering] 1497 01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:09,240 "Yeah!" 1498 01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:11,480 All the girls are smacking her bum, like: 1499 01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:14,120 ♪ "That's my bitch!" ♪ 1500 01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:15,840 ♪ "I said, that's my bitch!" ♪ 1501 01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:17,400 "Stand on the table!" 1502 01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:19,640 -"Yeah!" -[audience laughter] 1503 01:04:19,720 --> 01:04:21,800 Then the owner comes out. "No, no, no!" 1504 01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:25,160 "Get down from the table now! Get down from the fucking table now 1505 01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:27,800 because we'll lose the license. Get down from the table!" 1506 01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:31,000 "Get down from the table? Do you know how much money I spent, 1507 01:04:31,080 --> 01:04:32,720 and you want me to get off the table?" 1508 01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:37,160 "Do you know what? Suck your mum, you pussyhole!" 1509 01:04:37,240 --> 01:04:40,600 Listen, when I say, "Suck your," you say, "Mum!" 1510 01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:43,240 -♪ Suck your… ♪ -[audience] Mum! 1511 01:04:43,320 --> 01:04:45,560 ♪ When I say, "Suck your" You say, "Mum!" ♪ 1512 01:04:45,640 --> 01:04:47,640 -♪ Suck your… ♪ -[audience] Mum! 1513 01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:50,040 London, thank you lot for coming tonight! 1514 01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,600 [audience cheering and applauding] 1515 01:04:53,560 --> 01:04:54,880 Thank you so much. 1516 01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:57,160 [audience cheering and applauding] 1517 01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:00,600 I appreciate you lot so much. Thank you so much. 1518 01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:04,480 This is one of my favorite gigs I've ever done, so thank you so much. 1519 01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:05,440 Thank you. 1520 01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:08,800 -[hip hop playing] -[audience cheering and applauding] 1521 01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:22,240 [speaking indistinctly] 1522 01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:26,200 [laughter] 1523 01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:28,200 [speaking indistinctly] 1524 01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:31,000 [laughter] 1525 01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:31,920 Man. 1526 01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:33,920 [hip hop continues]