1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:39,833 Are you going to write any of this? 4 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:40,667 I wrote plenty. 5 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:41,500 Plenty? 6 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,375 You wrote act one. 7 00:01:43,375 --> 00:01:44,458 Well, there you are then. 8 00:01:44,458 --> 00:01:46,208 I don't mean you wrote act one. 9 00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:48,208 I mean, you wrote the words "Act I" 10 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,292 at the top of the first page. 11 00:01:50,292 --> 00:01:51,750 I'm thinking. 12 00:01:51,750 --> 00:01:53,667 Well, what is it you're thinking? 13 00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:55,833 Do you know that you're never more than six feet away 14 00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:57,792 from a spider? 15 00:01:57,792 --> 00:01:58,625 Sure. 16 00:01:58,625 --> 00:01:59,958 It goes like this. 17 00:01:59,958 --> 00:02:01,250 You're never more than six feet away 18 00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:02,875 from a spider, baby. 19 00:02:02,875 --> 00:02:07,792 So you better stay away from my fly. 20 00:02:07,792 --> 00:02:09,167 That makes no sense. 21 00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:10,167 I liked it. 22 00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,792 Well, put it in some other play. 23 00:02:11,792 --> 00:02:12,625 It was your idea. 24 00:02:12,625 --> 00:02:13,833 No. 25 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,375 My idea was that no matter how secure 26 00:02:15,375 --> 00:02:18,500 you are, how safe you feel, danger could 27 00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:19,875 be right at your shoulder. 28 00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:21,458 Ah, the spider is a metaphor. 29 00:02:21,458 --> 00:02:22,625 Or a simile. 30 00:02:22,625 --> 00:02:23,792 I can never remember the difference. 31 00:02:23,792 --> 00:02:25,542 Me neither. 32 00:02:25,542 --> 00:02:26,625 But whichever it is, it's an important theme for our play, 33 00:02:26,625 --> 00:02:27,250 isn't it? 34 00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:27,792 It is? 35 00:02:27,792 --> 00:02:28,500 Well, yeah. 36 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,958 Think of it. 37 00:02:29,958 --> 00:02:32,333 We have Bridgette, a beautiful young woman in love, 38 00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:34,458 probably for the first time in her life, 39 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:37,958 with Richard, about whom she knows absolutely nothing. 40 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,333 I mean, he could be an axe murderer. 41 00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,375 But he isn't. 42 00:02:42,375 --> 00:02:43,583 Maybe he should be. 43 00:02:43,583 --> 00:02:45,375 An axe murderer? 44 00:02:45,375 --> 00:02:47,542 No, but a spider. 45 00:02:50,583 --> 00:02:52,875 I mean, maybe axe murderer is a bit much. 46 00:02:52,875 --> 00:02:57,667 But he should have, like, a dark side, a dangerous side. 47 00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:59,833 Well, I think he already does. 48 00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:03,667 Well, let's see what we have on him. 49 00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,333 "Richard enters. 50 00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:07,333 He is a pleasant-looking chap with a perpetual grin. 51 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:11,333 He's wearing tennis clothes, holding a bat." 52 00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,708 Cricket, anyone? 53 00:03:22,708 --> 00:03:23,625 Wait. 54 00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:25,042 He's playing cricket? 55 00:03:25,042 --> 00:03:26,667 Why is he playing cricket? 56 00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:27,583 Who plays cricket? 57 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:28,875 He's British. 58 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,667 Why is he British? 59 00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:32,000 Why does it matter? 60 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,042 Well, not scary, for one. 61 00:03:34,042 --> 00:03:36,625 I mean, the scariest thing about the British is their teeth. 62 00:03:36,625 --> 00:03:38,958 You know, they started taking better care of their teeth 63 00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:41,250 after the Austin Powers movies. 64 00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:42,292 Yeah, you're right. 65 00:03:42,292 --> 00:03:44,375 It's weird. 66 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:44,958 OK. 67 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,417 "Richard enters. 68 00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:47,500 He's a pleasant-looking All-American chap. 69 00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:49,875 He has a perpetual grin. 70 00:03:49,875 --> 00:03:53,458 He's wearing tennis clothes and carries a racket." 71 00:03:53,458 --> 00:03:54,417 Tennis, anyone? 72 00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:07,750 Gee, I'm shaking in my boots. 73 00:04:07,750 --> 00:04:09,375 He does seem kind of bland. 74 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:10,583 Yeah. 75 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,000 But remember, this is the first time 76 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,375 we're seeing him before the main action of the play. 77 00:04:14,375 --> 00:04:18,583 And his line is an old cliche meant to evoke titters. 78 00:04:18,583 --> 00:04:23,708 I hope no line I ever write evokes titters. 79 00:04:23,708 --> 00:04:24,583 So what then? 80 00:04:24,583 --> 00:04:25,458 OK, OK. 81 00:04:25,458 --> 00:04:26,417 I think I have an idea. 82 00:04:30,375 --> 00:04:32,000 "Richard enters. 83 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,708 He's a sly-looking fellow with an odd, almost unnatural smile 84 00:04:35,708 --> 00:04:38,792 and dark, piercing eyes. 85 00:04:38,792 --> 00:04:42,917 He's dressed in tennis clothes and holding a tennis racket. 86 00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:47,333 And we see that it is dripping with blood. 87 00:04:47,333 --> 00:04:50,042 Murder, anyone? 88 00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:57,542 I love it. 89 00:04:57,542 --> 00:04:59,042 And it can set up everything that's going to happen later. 90 00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:00,958 We haven't written what happens later. 91 00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:04,417 But even still, it gives everything we've written so far 92 00:05:04,417 --> 00:05:06,042 kind of foreshadowing. 93 00:05:06,042 --> 00:05:08,583 Something bad is going to happen. 94 00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:11,833 And never more than six feet away from a spider. 95 00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:12,833 I know just what to do. 96 00:05:12,833 --> 00:05:13,458 All right. 97 00:05:19,375 --> 00:05:25,708 You're never more than six feet away from a spider. 98 00:05:25,708 --> 00:05:26,500 Oh, no. 99 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,000 No fucking way. 100 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,833 I was just kidding. 101 00:05:28,833 --> 00:05:29,667 Yeah. 102 00:05:40,042 --> 00:05:42,833 Hello? 103 00:05:42,833 --> 00:05:43,792 Hello? 104 00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:49,583 Who's there? 105 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,458 Hello. 106 00:05:50,458 --> 00:05:53,458 I'm from next door. 107 00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:54,708 Next door? 108 00:05:54,708 --> 00:05:55,708 Yes. 109 00:05:55,708 --> 00:05:58,000 I'm staying with the Babcocks. 110 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,875 Oh. 111 00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:00,500 OK. 112 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:05,708 Hi. 113 00:06:06,542 --> 00:06:08,500 Richard Babcock. 114 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:10,833 Oh, you're-- 115 00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:14,208 David and Nancy's nephew. 116 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,500 Nephew? 117 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,708 Aren't they a bit old to be your aunt and uncle? 118 00:06:19,708 --> 00:06:22,708 Great aunt and uncle actually. 119 00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:23,875 Of course. 120 00:06:23,875 --> 00:06:25,000 How silly of me. 121 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:32,042 Why didn't you come to the front door? 122 00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:33,042 Why? 123 00:06:33,042 --> 00:06:36,083 Well, I was on the tennis court. 124 00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:38,125 And I walked across the lawn. 125 00:06:38,125 --> 00:06:41,208 I saw the gate in the fence and came over. 126 00:06:41,208 --> 00:06:42,708 I'm sorry if-- I didn't mean to-- 127 00:06:42,708 --> 00:06:43,583 No, no. 128 00:06:43,583 --> 00:06:45,750 It's quite all right. 129 00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:49,000 I used that gate all the time when I was a girl. 130 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,083 I used to go over and have milk and cookies with Nancy 131 00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:53,625 when I was young. 132 00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:56,792 Oh, I do love Aunt Nancy's cookies. 133 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,167 She still bakes? 134 00:06:58,167 --> 00:06:59,750 I thought she was bedridden. 135 00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:02,792 She is. 136 00:07:02,792 --> 00:07:04,792 I was just remembering that's all. 137 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,500 You used to visit? 138 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,125 All the time when I was much younger. 139 00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:12,042 Funny how I don't remember seeing you. 140 00:07:12,042 --> 00:07:15,750 Maybe it was when I was away at school. 141 00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:17,042 Yes. 142 00:07:17,042 --> 00:07:18,792 I'm sure that's it. 143 00:07:18,792 --> 00:07:20,792 And you're staying with them, you said? 144 00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:21,958 Just for a little while. 145 00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:26,042 And where do you usually stay? 146 00:07:26,042 --> 00:07:28,625 Oh, I'm sorry. 147 00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:30,917 Won't you sit down? 148 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,250 Can I get you anything? 149 00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:34,250 Thank you. 150 00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:38,167 I could use some cold water. 151 00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:44,292 I'm still a little sweaty from hitting all those balls. 152 00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:49,625 I'll be right back. 153 00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:11,667 I just realized I've forgotten to introduce myself. 154 00:08:12,542 --> 00:08:15,667 I'm Bridgette Nelson. 155 00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:19,167 Pleasure to meet you, Bridgette Nelson. 156 00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:21,125 I'll be right back with that water. 157 00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:23,583 Thank you. 158 00:08:23,583 --> 00:08:25,125 Or would you prefer some lemonade? 159 00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:26,000 Wow. 160 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:26,917 Yes. 161 00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:28,167 Yes, lemonade. 162 00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:30,000 Yes. 163 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:30,708 Yeah. 164 00:08:30,708 --> 00:08:33,292 Excuse me? 165 00:08:33,292 --> 00:08:36,167 Not-- I just-- lemonade. 166 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,000 I get excited over lemonade. 167 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,083 That's-- I'm sorry. 168 00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:41,583 Yay, lemonade. 169 00:08:43,792 --> 00:08:44,583 OK then. 170 00:08:57,708 --> 00:08:59,708 What are you doing? 171 00:08:59,708 --> 00:09:00,875 Nothing, nothing, nothing. 172 00:09:00,875 --> 00:09:02,208 I'm sorry. 173 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:07,042 I just-- I like to measure things, everything. 174 00:09:07,042 --> 00:09:10,875 Did you know that your door here is exactly 42 inches wide? 175 00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:13,042 Exactly. 176 00:09:13,042 --> 00:09:15,792 No, I didn't. 177 00:09:15,792 --> 00:09:18,750 Why exactly do you measure everything? 178 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:22,042 Is it some sort of OCD? 179 00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:24,083 Yes. 180 00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:25,833 Yes. 181 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:31,042 I absolutely have to know how long and wide everything is. 182 00:09:31,042 --> 00:09:35,125 And I can't stop washing my hands. 183 00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,958 That's fascinating. 184 00:09:36,958 --> 00:09:38,333 It is. 185 00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:41,917 I have a friend who won't walk on tile floors. 186 00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:43,250 What a loon. 187 00:09:48,125 --> 00:09:48,750 Thank you. 188 00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:59,208 Well, I hope you enjoy the lemonade. 189 00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:04,125 It's completely homemade, or at least 190 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:05,708 that's what it says on the bottle. 191 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:10,208 Oh, I'm sure that I will. 192 00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:16,292 However, there's a little something I have to do first. 193 00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:27,958 Wait a minute. 194 00:10:27,958 --> 00:10:29,458 Isn't it a little early in the play 195 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,792 to show that Richard's a psycho killer? 196 00:10:31,792 --> 00:10:33,167 And we haven't even really decided 197 00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:34,417 that he is a psycho killer. 198 00:10:34,417 --> 00:10:36,958 No, he's a psycho killer all right. 199 00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:38,208 But maybe you're right. 200 00:10:38,208 --> 00:10:40,125 Maybe we should hold back on the violence 201 00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:42,042 and let the tension build. 202 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,458 If this was a movie-- 203 00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:44,417 That's the thing. 204 00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:46,125 Why isn't it a movie? 205 00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:47,917 Why are we even writing a play? 206 00:10:47,917 --> 00:10:50,083 This is Los Angeles. 207 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,917 Because it's a play. 208 00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:53,500 But it doesn't have to be. 209 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:58,792 Look, why spend the next few weeks, possibly months, writing 210 00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:04,000 a play that'll be put up at some tiny little black box theater 211 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,167 and be seen by maybe a dozen people, 212 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:08,292 because they know somebody in the cast? 213 00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:10,708 I mean, it'll just be some other fucking play in LA. 214 00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:13,167 We'll be lucky if we get even one review. 215 00:11:13,167 --> 00:11:15,417 Nobody cares about theater in La La Land. 216 00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:18,333 At least in the theater nobody can tell us what to do. 217 00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:20,042 The writer has power. 218 00:11:20,042 --> 00:11:22,375 No studio executive who's taken Robert McKee's course 219 00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:24,500 and now thinks he knows everything there is to know 220 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,000 about writing can tell us what to write. 221 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,917 But you can't make a living as a playwright. 222 00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:31,125 There are thousands of successful playwrights. 223 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:34,833 In the film business, you can be a lousy writer 224 00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:36,292 and still make a fortune. 225 00:11:36,292 --> 00:11:39,083 There's just as little chance of success, even less. 226 00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:40,917 Most movie scripts just end up taking space 227 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,375 on your hard drive. 228 00:11:42,375 --> 00:11:44,958 At least we have a chance of someone seeing our play 229 00:11:44,958 --> 00:11:46,542 and nobody can fuck us over. 230 00:11:46,542 --> 00:11:49,208 Not everybody in the film business gets fucked. 231 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,208 And we can negotiate for some real money. 232 00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:54,208 One thing I know is true, in the film industry, 233 00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:55,417 you will get fucked. 234 00:11:55,417 --> 00:11:57,292 The only thing you're ever negotiating 235 00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:58,875 is the amount of the lubricant. 236 00:11:58,875 --> 00:11:59,375 All right. 237 00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:00,042 All right. 238 00:12:00,042 --> 00:12:00,458 Fine. 239 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:01,375 Fine. 240 00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:03,208 It's a play, for now. 241 00:12:03,208 --> 00:12:04,875 But there's something I got to change. 242 00:12:04,875 --> 00:12:05,750 What? 243 00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:06,542 Richard. 244 00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:09,917 His name, it's too normal. 245 00:12:09,917 --> 00:12:11,250 Don't we want him to seem normal? 246 00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:12,375 No. 247 00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:14,417 I think he should be exceptional. 248 00:12:14,417 --> 00:12:18,042 And I think he's exceptionally good-looking, exceptionally 249 00:12:18,042 --> 00:12:21,583 charming, and he should have an exceptional-sounding name. 250 00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:23,250 What do you have in mind, Aloysius? 251 00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:24,917 OK, not that exceptional. 252 00:12:24,917 --> 00:12:29,083 But it could be something upper crusty, 253 00:12:29,083 --> 00:12:31,917 like one of those first names that can also be a last name. 254 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:37,000 I went to school with a very WASP-y kid named Cooper. 255 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,167 Cooper? 256 00:12:38,167 --> 00:12:39,917 Cooper. 257 00:12:39,917 --> 00:12:42,875 Cooper Babcock. 258 00:12:42,875 --> 00:12:43,583 I like it. 259 00:12:43,583 --> 00:12:44,333 It's-- 260 00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:45,083 Upper crusty? 261 00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:45,958 Upper crusty. 262 00:12:45,958 --> 00:12:48,458 Cooper Babcock it is. 263 00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:51,583 Search and replace and done. 264 00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:54,250 Maybe it's too upper crusty. 265 00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:55,458 No, it's fine. 266 00:12:55,458 --> 00:12:57,125 Let's move on. 267 00:12:57,125 --> 00:12:58,958 Now, what are we doing about this strangling scene? 268 00:12:58,958 --> 00:12:59,917 OK. 269 00:12:59,917 --> 00:13:01,458 So we know that Richard-- 270 00:13:01,458 --> 00:13:02,458 Cooper. 271 00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:05,167 -Cooper wants the Picasso. 272 00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:08,292 But what if all he wants is the Picasso? 273 00:13:08,292 --> 00:13:12,833 Like we know he's a thief and the audience can know that. 274 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:15,583 But we don't know that he's a psycho killer, 275 00:13:15,583 --> 00:13:17,458 because we haven't decided whether or not 276 00:13:17,458 --> 00:13:18,917 he's the psycho killer. 277 00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:20,042 What do we have so far? 278 00:13:20,042 --> 00:13:22,458 All right. 279 00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:23,583 We introduce Richard-- 280 00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:24,500 Cooper. 281 00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,125 -Cooper Babcock. 282 00:13:26,125 --> 00:13:29,458 And we see that he has done something 283 00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:32,042 bloody with the tennis racket, but we don't know what. 284 00:13:32,042 --> 00:13:36,167 We also don't know what he's done with Nancy and David, 285 00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:39,042 or if he's even related to them at all. 286 00:13:39,042 --> 00:13:42,958 But we do know that he is interested in the Picasso 287 00:13:42,958 --> 00:13:45,250 and he's not at all interested in Bridgette. 288 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,292 Aha. 289 00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:47,500 That's what we have to change. 290 00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:48,875 What? 291 00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:50,167 That he isn't interested in Bridgette. 292 00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:51,667 What if he has plans to take the Picasso, 293 00:13:51,667 --> 00:13:53,250 but he's so taken with Bridgette that it 294 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,292 puts a crimp in his plan? 295 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:55,333 Hmm. 296 00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:57,000 That could work. 297 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,500 But something's bothered me. 298 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,417 I don't think we should show the bloody tennis racket. 299 00:14:01,417 --> 00:14:02,542 No, but it's great. 300 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,000 That's a terrific, horrific image. 301 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,583 Yeah, but it gives away too much. 302 00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:09,125 I mean, the audience should feel some sympathy 303 00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:11,167 for Cooper, at least a little bit. 304 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:12,167 At first. 305 00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:13,167 But later on-- 306 00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:14,375 Later on is something else. 307 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,417 Let's see where this takes us. 308 00:14:16,417 --> 00:14:17,542 I've got an idea. 309 00:14:17,542 --> 00:14:20,458 But in order for it to work, Cooper 310 00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:23,375 has to be much younger, like Bridgette's age. 311 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:36,208 So how are you enjoying staying with David and Nancy? 312 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,417 Oh, they're no trouble. 313 00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:39,042 No trouble at all. 314 00:14:39,042 --> 00:14:41,458 And how are you getting on with Milo? 315 00:14:41,458 --> 00:14:42,333 Milo? 316 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:43,708 Yes. 317 00:14:43,708 --> 00:14:47,250 Don't you find him extraordinarily intelligent? 318 00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:49,000 Yes, of course. 319 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,208 We've had many long conversations. 320 00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:55,708 He has a very interesting perspective on life. 321 00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:58,417 You're funny. 322 00:14:58,417 --> 00:15:00,000 Am I? 323 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,625 You've had many long conversations with a dog? 324 00:15:03,958 --> 00:15:06,167 Well, they were rather one-sided. 325 00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:09,083 I could barely get a word in edgewise. 326 00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:13,750 You are funny. 327 00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:16,667 So where do you usually stay when 328 00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,458 you're not staying next door? 329 00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:20,042 I was in prison. 330 00:15:20,042 --> 00:15:20,583 Prison? 331 00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:21,542 Prison? 332 00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:22,417 No. 333 00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:23,500 Yes. 334 00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:27,583 At least it felt that way. 335 00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:31,083 So I decided to take a little time off. 336 00:15:31,083 --> 00:15:32,583 Mhm. 337 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:35,500 For good behavior? 338 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:38,083 Something like that. 339 00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:40,042 So what do you do? 340 00:15:40,042 --> 00:15:45,292 Well, I was at Bryn Mawr, graduated with highest honors. 341 00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:49,792 And I'm now, like most people, unemployed. 342 00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:52,458 Thank God I am filthy rich. 343 00:15:55,458 --> 00:16:01,167 Well, it does take a bit of the pressure off, doesn't it? 344 00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:03,208 Unfortunately, my parents' trust fund 345 00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:05,500 doesn't kick in until I'm 30. 346 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,208 That is ghastly. 347 00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,458 Ghastly indeed. 348 00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:16,708 So till then, I'll just have to survive however I can. 349 00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:19,042 Maybe tennis. 350 00:16:19,042 --> 00:16:19,750 Are you good? 351 00:16:23,792 --> 00:16:28,833 Well, I usually hit what I'm supposed to. 352 00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:30,208 How's your serve? 353 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:36,375 Hardly ever returned. 354 00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:37,792 Really? 355 00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:39,667 Then, you are good. 356 00:16:50,833 --> 00:16:51,708 Wait a second. 357 00:16:51,708 --> 00:16:52,750 What the fuck is that? 358 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,167 Someone in a chicken costume. 359 00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:55,500 Yeah. 360 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:56,750 I can see it's someone in a chicken costume. 361 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,583 Why is it someone in a chicken costume? 362 00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:00,292 I thought it would be cool to introduce 363 00:17:00,292 --> 00:17:02,125 a surreal element to the play. 364 00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:03,625 You see, this is why I like the movies, 365 00:17:03,625 --> 00:17:06,875 because nobody just shows up in a chicken costume. 366 00:17:06,875 --> 00:17:08,458 That's the beauty of theater. 367 00:17:08,458 --> 00:17:09,750 There are no rules. 368 00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:11,583 If you want someone in a chicken costume, 369 00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,833 you can have someone in a chicken costume. 370 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,833 Well, I don't want someone in a chicken costume. 371 00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:18,208 What do you got against someone in a chicken costume? 372 00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:19,083 It makes no sense. 373 00:17:19,083 --> 00:17:21,167 What if it made sense? 374 00:17:21,167 --> 00:17:23,667 How is it going to make sense? 375 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,708 Watch and learn. 376 00:17:30,208 --> 00:17:32,458 Huh. 377 00:17:32,458 --> 00:17:34,208 Where is everybody? 378 00:17:34,208 --> 00:17:37,292 The costume party is tomorrow night, Blain. 379 00:17:37,292 --> 00:17:38,542 No, no, no, no, no, no. 380 00:17:38,542 --> 00:17:39,708 That can't be right. 381 00:17:39,708 --> 00:17:41,750 Today is Friday the 16th, is it not? 382 00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:45,375 It's Friday all right, but it's the 15th. 383 00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:48,583 But he's in costume. 384 00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:49,833 Those are tennis clothes. 385 00:17:55,917 --> 00:17:58,167 So they are. 386 00:17:58,167 --> 00:18:00,667 My apologies. 387 00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:03,167 We were just having some lemonade. 388 00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:04,833 Ah. 389 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:08,875 I think I could use something a little bit stronger. 390 00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:11,667 So could I, come to think of it. 391 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:12,667 Cooper? 392 00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,583 I'm good with this. 393 00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:16,417 Blaine, this is Cooper. 394 00:18:16,417 --> 00:18:18,833 He's staying with the Babcocks. 395 00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:20,583 Really? 396 00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:24,208 My house is just abreast the starboard side of their house. 397 00:18:24,208 --> 00:18:25,583 I haven't seen you. 398 00:18:25,583 --> 00:18:27,458 How long have you been there? 399 00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:30,167 Just a few days. 400 00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:33,833 Cooper says he talks to their dog. 401 00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:38,458 In all fairness, we are speaking to a chicken. 402 00:18:38,458 --> 00:18:39,667 So we are. 403 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:40,625 How silly. 404 00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:44,500 Well, cheers. 405 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,625 The chicken costume was a last-minute decision. 406 00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:50,208 I was going to go as Freddy Krueger. 407 00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:54,542 But I've gone as old Freddy for every costume party 408 00:18:54,542 --> 00:18:57,375 and Halloween outing since I was nine. 409 00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:03,375 Well, it's a very good chicken costume. 410 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:04,708 And it suits you. 411 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:05,958 Mhm. 412 00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:08,625 It does, sort of. 413 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,792 How so, would you say? 414 00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:14,958 Well, you see, I've got a dreadful heart condition. 415 00:19:14,958 --> 00:19:18,875 Any severe shock and I could drop dead right here. 416 00:19:18,875 --> 00:19:21,833 So naturally, I'm timid of things like horror 417 00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:25,500 films and violence, you know. 418 00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:28,667 But you dressed like Freddy Krueger. 419 00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:32,250 Well, if I dress like the scary thing, 420 00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:33,792 I'm not likely to get scared. 421 00:19:33,792 --> 00:19:34,625 Now, am I? 422 00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:39,500 Very clever. 423 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:43,333 Look, I have all the stuff set up in the kitchen for tomorrow. 424 00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:46,542 Shall I be naughty and get us some snacks? 425 00:19:46,542 --> 00:19:50,042 Caviar, champagne, cocaine? 426 00:19:50,042 --> 00:19:51,750 Why don't you just ring for it? 427 00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:54,000 The staff has the night off. 428 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,292 Oh my God. 429 00:19:56,292 --> 00:19:58,708 You have to actually get things for yourself? 430 00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:00,375 However will you survive? 431 00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:02,000 Very funny. 432 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:02,917 I'll be right back. 433 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:11,875 Oh, Blain, you and Cooper should get along famously. 434 00:20:11,875 --> 00:20:14,708 He was admiring my father's Picasso before. 435 00:20:14,708 --> 00:20:15,500 Was he? 436 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,458 Admiring daddy's Picasso were we? 437 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:28,333 What the fuck are you doing here? 438 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:29,917 What the fuck are you doing here? 439 00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:32,583 I'm introducing a plot twist. 440 00:20:32,583 --> 00:20:34,833 So you're saying Blain and Cooper know each other? 441 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:38,583 Not only know each other, but they're in cahoots. 442 00:20:38,583 --> 00:20:39,542 Cahoots? 443 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,292 Who are you, Buffalo Bill? 444 00:20:41,292 --> 00:20:42,833 It's a perfectly good word. 445 00:20:43,917 --> 00:20:45,375 Yes. 446 00:20:45,375 --> 00:20:46,792 This is where we reveal that something 447 00:20:46,792 --> 00:20:49,917 is going on that the audience didn't realize. 448 00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:52,667 There's something going on that I didn't realize. 449 00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:53,667 Don't worry. 450 00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:54,458 I've got it all worked out. 451 00:20:58,833 --> 00:21:00,000 What the fuck are you doing here? 452 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,333 Imagine my surprise when I come here 453 00:21:02,333 --> 00:21:04,292 and see you sitting there a day early. 454 00:21:04,292 --> 00:21:05,375 It's not part of the plan. 455 00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:06,583 I improvised. 456 00:21:06,583 --> 00:21:07,958 Why leave a house full of witnesses? 457 00:21:07,958 --> 00:21:10,667 Drunk witnesses at a costume party. 458 00:21:10,667 --> 00:21:13,500 I could've taken the painting from right under their noses. 459 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:14,750 No one would've identified you. 460 00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:15,583 Except you. 461 00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:16,625 You can trust me. 462 00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:17,833 You're in a chicken suit. 463 00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:19,500 Look, it's going to work. 464 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,833 We take the painting tonight, take care of Bridgette. 465 00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:25,958 Then, tomorrow-- listen. --as the guests 466 00:21:25,958 --> 00:21:29,625 arrive, we among them, walk in to discover 467 00:21:29,625 --> 00:21:33,583 a horrible bloody scene. 468 00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:34,333 But-- 469 00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:35,667 Bloody scene? 470 00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:37,333 Does it-- does it have to be a bloody scene? 471 00:21:37,333 --> 00:21:39,750 Doesn't have to be, but I really, 472 00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:42,958 really, really want it to be. 473 00:21:42,958 --> 00:21:45,708 You're a sick fuck, Blain. 474 00:21:45,708 --> 00:21:48,958 Hey, you were down with the plan before. 475 00:21:48,958 --> 00:21:52,500 Remember robbery, murder, something Manson-esque? 476 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:55,000 That was before. 477 00:21:55,750 --> 00:21:57,458 Before what? 478 00:22:00,083 --> 00:22:03,125 Before I met her. 479 00:22:03,125 --> 00:22:05,917 I like her. 480 00:22:05,917 --> 00:22:09,708 She's a real person. 481 00:22:09,708 --> 00:22:13,083 She's a stuck-up real bitch who deserves everything 482 00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,667 that's coming to her. 483 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:15,500 Who's that? 484 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:19,125 Oh, no. 485 00:22:19,125 --> 00:22:21,833 Just this chick from the club, walks 486 00:22:21,833 --> 00:22:23,500 around acting like a princess just 487 00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:26,667 because her parents are rich. 488 00:22:26,667 --> 00:22:29,542 I utterly loathe people like that. 489 00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,417 OK. 490 00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:34,542 Dig in. 491 00:22:34,542 --> 00:22:39,000 There's caviar, Scottish salmon, blinis, 492 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,917 and grapes from my father's vineyard, food 493 00:22:41,917 --> 00:22:43,125 for the common folk. 494 00:22:44,833 --> 00:22:45,708 Common folk. 495 00:22:45,708 --> 00:22:46,917 Poors. 496 00:22:46,917 --> 00:22:50,208 Those poor people. 497 00:22:50,208 --> 00:22:53,958 I saw you admiring my father's Picasso before. 498 00:22:53,958 --> 00:22:57,500 It's his pride and joy. 499 00:22:57,500 --> 00:23:00,792 I thought you were his pride and joy. 500 00:23:00,792 --> 00:23:02,542 Don't make me laugh. 501 00:23:02,542 --> 00:23:05,000 He couldn't auction me off for $50 million. 502 00:23:08,042 --> 00:23:08,875 It'll be OK. 503 00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:09,667 Wrong pipe. 504 00:23:09,667 --> 00:23:10,958 Wrong pipe. 505 00:23:10,958 --> 00:23:11,833 You'll be all right. 506 00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:12,708 Won't you, buddy? 507 00:23:12,708 --> 00:23:13,667 Yes. 508 00:23:13,667 --> 00:23:15,083 $50 million you say? 509 00:23:15,083 --> 00:23:16,625 Yes. 510 00:23:16,625 --> 00:23:18,833 He had an offer for that for some art dealer. 511 00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:21,083 But dad turned him down. 512 00:23:21,083 --> 00:23:25,167 Now, if the father of some boy from a good family 513 00:23:25,167 --> 00:23:30,042 offered that for me, well, he'd sell in the blink of an eye. 514 00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:31,542 Oh, that's absurd. 515 00:23:31,542 --> 00:23:33,542 People don't sell people. 516 00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:34,917 Don't they? 517 00:23:34,917 --> 00:23:37,833 I mean, after all, it's the ruling class' 518 00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,458 most popular commodity. 519 00:23:39,458 --> 00:23:41,583 They sell each other their children, 520 00:23:41,583 --> 00:23:44,583 sell each other to the country. 521 00:23:44,583 --> 00:23:47,208 It's called American politics. 522 00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:48,708 Yes. 523 00:23:48,708 --> 00:23:53,083 Well, aren't you philosophical for a chicken? 524 00:23:53,083 --> 00:23:57,500 I thought of having someone steal the Picasso. 525 00:23:59,292 --> 00:24:04,250 As you were saying, steal the Picasso? 526 00:24:04,250 --> 00:24:08,833 Yes, just to spite my father and, of course, for the money. 527 00:24:08,833 --> 00:24:10,667 You need money? 528 00:24:10,667 --> 00:24:11,917 Absolutely. 529 00:24:11,917 --> 00:24:15,125 None of this is mine. 530 00:24:15,125 --> 00:24:17,958 I don't even really live here anymore. 531 00:24:17,958 --> 00:24:20,708 My parents are at their house on Martha's Vineyard 532 00:24:20,708 --> 00:24:22,917 and I'm crashing here. 533 00:24:22,917 --> 00:24:26,042 If they knew I was here, well, they'd call the cops. 534 00:24:26,042 --> 00:24:27,625 Why is that? 535 00:24:27,625 --> 00:24:31,958 Because I'm a bad, bad girl. 536 00:24:31,958 --> 00:24:33,292 Didn't you know? 537 00:24:33,292 --> 00:24:35,208 I don't believe I did. 538 00:24:39,167 --> 00:24:41,000 Bad how? 539 00:24:46,167 --> 00:24:47,833 Where have you been all my life? 540 00:24:54,917 --> 00:24:55,917 OK. 541 00:24:55,917 --> 00:24:57,542 She's the worst type of bad. 542 00:24:57,542 --> 00:24:59,208 One, she slept with a Mexican. 543 00:24:59,208 --> 00:25:03,333 Two, she's tattooed and pierced and voted for Barack Hussein 544 00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:04,750 Obama. 545 00:25:04,750 --> 00:25:06,542 He wasn't Mexican. 546 00:25:06,542 --> 00:25:08,708 He was from Ecuador. 547 00:25:08,708 --> 00:25:09,708 A Mexican. 548 00:25:09,708 --> 00:25:12,667 Anyway, far worse than that. 549 00:25:12,667 --> 00:25:16,000 I also used my father's electronic setup 550 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:20,083 to eavesdrop on the two of you while I was getting snacks. 551 00:25:20,083 --> 00:25:21,833 OK. 552 00:25:21,833 --> 00:25:26,083 So you'd like to murder me, Blain, 553 00:25:26,083 --> 00:25:28,208 in a particularly bloody way? 554 00:25:28,208 --> 00:25:28,958 I would never. 555 00:25:28,958 --> 00:25:29,750 It's a joke. 556 00:25:29,750 --> 00:25:30,208 It's a joke. 557 00:25:30,208 --> 00:25:30,875 Never. 558 00:25:31,583 --> 00:25:32,625 Oh, fuck. 559 00:25:32,625 --> 00:25:33,208 Oh. 560 00:25:33,208 --> 00:25:34,208 Oh, fuck. 561 00:25:34,208 --> 00:25:36,792 The fucking bitch shot me. 562 00:25:36,792 --> 00:25:38,292 Bridgette. 563 00:25:38,292 --> 00:25:38,958 Bridgette. 564 00:25:40,208 --> 00:25:41,042 Stop. 565 00:25:41,042 --> 00:25:43,958 You help me right now. 566 00:25:43,958 --> 00:25:47,167 I could probably make it. 567 00:25:47,167 --> 00:25:51,292 We could go to Cedars or St. Joseph's. 568 00:25:51,292 --> 00:25:53,625 Oh, please. 569 00:25:53,625 --> 00:25:54,875 Please, help me. 570 00:25:54,875 --> 00:25:55,917 Please. 571 00:25:55,917 --> 00:25:56,875 Are you going to shoot me too? 572 00:25:56,875 --> 00:25:57,875 Oh, it hurts-- 573 00:25:57,875 --> 00:25:59,875 I haven't decided that yet. 574 00:25:59,875 --> 00:26:01,333 Depends. 575 00:26:01,333 --> 00:26:02,250 Please, brother. 576 00:26:02,250 --> 00:26:03,375 Help me, please. 577 00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:04,292 Please? 578 00:26:04,292 --> 00:26:05,208 On what? 579 00:26:05,208 --> 00:26:07,000 My feathers are bloody. 580 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,292 Oh, please. 581 00:26:08,292 --> 00:26:10,750 Did you mean it when you said you liked me? 582 00:26:10,750 --> 00:26:11,667 Help me. 583 00:26:11,667 --> 00:26:12,625 Please. 584 00:26:13,375 --> 00:26:15,417 Yes. 585 00:26:15,417 --> 00:26:20,125 Yes, I did, very much so. 586 00:26:20,125 --> 00:26:21,917 There's a light. 587 00:26:21,917 --> 00:26:25,000 Oh, looks like one of those lights outside of a barbershop. 588 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,375 What? 589 00:26:26,375 --> 00:26:27,333 Please. 590 00:26:27,333 --> 00:26:29,250 Oh, Jesus, Lord. 591 00:26:29,250 --> 00:26:30,375 Oh. 592 00:26:30,375 --> 00:26:33,000 Even right now. 593 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,667 I think I see Gram Gram. 594 00:26:35,667 --> 00:26:38,167 I smell the cinnamon buns she made. 595 00:26:38,167 --> 00:26:39,125 Please. 596 00:26:39,125 --> 00:26:40,125 Oh. 597 00:26:40,125 --> 00:26:41,042 That's not grandma. 598 00:26:41,042 --> 00:26:41,750 That's Satan. 599 00:26:41,750 --> 00:26:43,250 Oh, please. 600 00:26:43,250 --> 00:26:44,292 Oh, goodness. 601 00:26:44,292 --> 00:26:46,167 You're making this very awkward. 602 00:26:46,167 --> 00:26:49,083 I made you a fucking friendship bracelet. 603 00:26:49,083 --> 00:26:50,792 Shut up about the bracelet. 604 00:26:50,792 --> 00:26:54,000 I'm very happy for you both, but I'm fucking dying here. 605 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:54,792 Please. 606 00:26:54,792 --> 00:26:56,125 Not fast enough. 607 00:26:56,750 --> 00:26:57,250 Fuck. 608 00:26:57,250 --> 00:26:58,792 Oh. 609 00:26:58,792 --> 00:27:00,750 Shot again. 610 00:27:04,792 --> 00:27:07,292 Was that second shot really necessary? 611 00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,000 I think it was. 612 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:12,792 Well, he was a racist chicken. 613 00:27:12,792 --> 00:27:14,750 What happens now? 614 00:27:15,792 --> 00:27:16,792 I haven't figured that out yet. 615 00:27:19,875 --> 00:27:22,042 So what happens now? 616 00:27:22,042 --> 00:27:23,292 I haven't figured that out yet. 617 00:27:23,292 --> 00:27:25,958 Look, I'm not sure about any of this. 618 00:27:25,958 --> 00:27:28,375 So we're saying Bridgette is the psycho killer, not Cooper? 619 00:27:28,375 --> 00:27:29,417 Yes. 620 00:27:29,417 --> 00:27:30,833 And she's the one with the plan. 621 00:27:30,833 --> 00:27:32,125 What's the plan? 622 00:27:32,125 --> 00:27:34,250 To steal her father's Picasso and blame it 623 00:27:34,250 --> 00:27:36,500 on Blain and another accomplice. 624 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:38,333 You know, I actually like this. 625 00:27:38,333 --> 00:27:41,833 It's getting very classical stage mystery/comedy. 626 00:27:41,833 --> 00:27:44,417 You know, like Deathtrap or The Mousetrap. 627 00:27:44,417 --> 00:27:45,333 You're right. 628 00:27:45,333 --> 00:27:46,792 It is. 629 00:27:46,792 --> 00:27:48,417 Oh, fuck. 630 00:27:48,417 --> 00:27:50,125 We should change everything. 631 00:27:50,125 --> 00:27:53,292 We should go back and make it less like those plays 632 00:27:53,292 --> 00:27:54,750 and make it more movie-like. 633 00:27:54,750 --> 00:27:56,333 There you go with that movie thing again. 634 00:27:56,333 --> 00:27:59,167 You do know that The Mousetrap is the most successful, longest 635 00:27:59,167 --> 00:28:00,458 running play in history? 636 00:28:00,458 --> 00:28:02,958 And Deathtrap ran forever and they even 637 00:28:02,958 --> 00:28:06,292 made a movie out of it with Michael Caine and Superman. 638 00:28:06,292 --> 00:28:08,083 Christopher Reeve. 639 00:28:08,083 --> 00:28:09,458 If we can write a play even half as successful as those two, 640 00:28:09,458 --> 00:28:10,292 we'll have a hit. 641 00:28:10,292 --> 00:28:11,917 Think of it. 642 00:28:11,917 --> 00:28:14,083 Small cast, one set, thrills and chills and comedy. 643 00:28:14,083 --> 00:28:15,917 Nobody's writing plays like this anymore. 644 00:28:15,917 --> 00:28:17,292 Yeah, because they're old hat. 645 00:28:17,292 --> 00:28:18,792 No, they're not. 646 00:28:18,792 --> 00:28:20,167 If you can write a good play in that genre, 647 00:28:20,167 --> 00:28:23,000 you can get it produced and make a lot of money. 648 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,792 Community theaters love that kind of shit. 649 00:28:24,792 --> 00:28:29,208 What happened to the idea of a surrealistic, avant garde, 650 00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:30,958 mind-bending neo-noir thriller? 651 00:28:30,958 --> 00:28:34,042 Have you ever noticed that the avant garde never changes? 652 00:28:34,042 --> 00:28:35,542 If it's after garde, when was garde? 653 00:28:35,542 --> 00:28:36,500 I must've missed it. 654 00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:37,500 That would be apres garde. 655 00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:38,375 What would be? 656 00:28:38,375 --> 00:28:41,750 Our play, Murdertrap. 657 00:28:41,750 --> 00:28:42,375 Murdertrap? 658 00:28:42,375 --> 00:28:43,458 Yes. 659 00:28:43,458 --> 00:28:44,958 I just came up with it. 660 00:28:44,958 --> 00:28:46,875 Cool title, huh? 661 00:28:46,875 --> 00:28:50,042 Isn't it a little much like Deathtrap or The Mousetrap? 662 00:28:50,042 --> 00:28:51,417 Only in the "trap" part. 663 00:28:51,417 --> 00:28:53,917 Besides it makes a great movie title. 664 00:28:53,917 --> 00:28:55,208 Someday. 665 00:28:55,208 --> 00:28:56,083 Someday. 666 00:28:56,083 --> 00:28:56,917 All right. 667 00:28:56,917 --> 00:28:58,125 You've convinced me. 668 00:28:58,125 --> 00:29:01,000 After it's a huge Broadway success. 669 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,208 One thing though. 670 00:29:02,208 --> 00:29:06,292 Don't these characters seem British? 671 00:29:06,292 --> 00:29:07,833 Why do you say that? 672 00:29:07,833 --> 00:29:09,250 Well, I don't know anyone like these people. 673 00:29:09,250 --> 00:29:11,083 Do you any British people like these people? 674 00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:12,875 No. 675 00:29:12,875 --> 00:29:16,292 But I think that it would be classier if they were British. 676 00:29:16,292 --> 00:29:17,333 OK. 677 00:29:17,333 --> 00:29:18,417 Let's make them British again. 678 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,125 Is the painting in the lorry? 679 00:29:30,125 --> 00:29:31,292 Yes. 680 00:29:31,292 --> 00:29:33,083 And thank goodness no one saw me. 681 00:29:33,083 --> 00:29:37,833 This is Fanlee on the Bump, the most exclusive community 682 00:29:37,833 --> 00:29:39,875 off the roundabout to East Sussex. 683 00:29:39,875 --> 00:29:43,542 No one sees anything. 684 00:29:43,542 --> 00:29:44,292 Two lumps? 685 00:29:47,083 --> 00:29:47,708 Thanks, darling. 686 00:29:50,417 --> 00:29:52,875 So what do we do about Blain? 687 00:29:52,875 --> 00:29:55,375 Just leave him there behind the couch. 688 00:29:55,375 --> 00:29:57,875 Remember, we caught him in the midst 689 00:29:57,875 --> 00:30:02,833 of committing grand larceny and justifiably shot him. 690 00:30:02,833 --> 00:30:04,167 Mhm. 691 00:30:04,167 --> 00:30:06,250 Twice. 692 00:30:06,250 --> 00:30:08,125 The gun has a hair trigger. 693 00:30:09,542 --> 00:30:12,208 I think you should say we were being held captive. 694 00:30:12,208 --> 00:30:17,208 There was a struggle and the gun went off quite accidentally. 695 00:30:17,208 --> 00:30:19,250 Twice? 696 00:30:19,250 --> 00:30:20,917 Could be hard to explain. 697 00:30:20,917 --> 00:30:22,208 Not really. 698 00:30:22,208 --> 00:30:25,167 You were fighting for your life. 699 00:30:25,167 --> 00:30:27,167 I was fighting for my life? 700 00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:29,000 Well, the police will never believe 701 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,333 that I could've disarmed him. 702 00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:34,417 Yes. 703 00:30:34,417 --> 00:30:37,167 You're quite right. 704 00:30:37,167 --> 00:30:38,417 We'll have to say I shot him. 705 00:30:38,417 --> 00:30:41,875 Oh, well. 706 00:30:41,875 --> 00:30:48,125 Now, how exactly do we explain the chicken suit? 707 00:30:48,125 --> 00:30:49,167 That's easy. 708 00:30:49,167 --> 00:30:50,667 We'll tell the truth. 709 00:30:50,667 --> 00:30:52,958 Blain mistook the date and thought 710 00:30:52,958 --> 00:30:56,208 he was going to be attending a costume party. 711 00:30:56,208 --> 00:30:56,667 All right. 712 00:30:56,667 --> 00:30:58,417 Yeah. 713 00:30:58,417 --> 00:31:00,542 Well, how do we explain me? 714 00:31:00,542 --> 00:31:03,292 You're my neighbor. 715 00:31:03,292 --> 00:31:09,583 Bridgette, I'm not really your neighbor. 716 00:31:09,583 --> 00:31:13,417 But you're David and Nancy's nephew. 717 00:31:13,417 --> 00:31:15,917 Unfortunately, not. 718 00:31:15,917 --> 00:31:18,208 Great nephew? 719 00:31:18,208 --> 00:31:20,375 Not even remotely related. 720 00:31:20,375 --> 00:31:23,000 But you are staying with them, aren't you? 721 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,542 In a manner of speaking, yes. 722 00:31:25,542 --> 00:31:28,542 Whatever do you mean? 723 00:31:28,542 --> 00:31:30,375 I'm afraid I slit both their throats 724 00:31:30,375 --> 00:31:32,167 and buried them in the rose garden. 725 00:31:32,167 --> 00:31:32,708 Oopsie daisy. 726 00:31:32,708 --> 00:31:34,583 And Milo? 727 00:31:34,583 --> 00:31:37,000 Milo is just fine. 728 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:41,417 What the bloody hell do you take me for? 729 00:31:41,417 --> 00:31:46,708 Possibly my soulmate. 730 00:31:48,625 --> 00:31:50,417 Oh, I was hoping you felt that way. 731 00:31:50,417 --> 00:31:52,583 I felt an immediate attraction towards you the moment 732 00:31:52,583 --> 00:31:54,250 I first laid eyes on you. 733 00:31:54,250 --> 00:31:56,167 And it's only deepened massively in the brief time 734 00:31:56,167 --> 00:31:57,708 I've known you. 735 00:31:57,708 --> 00:32:02,250 You are a complete sociopath without one single redeeming 736 00:32:02,250 --> 00:32:03,583 quality. 737 00:32:03,583 --> 00:32:06,708 I'm afraid that's entirely true. 738 00:32:06,708 --> 00:32:08,250 Kiss me. 739 00:32:08,250 --> 00:32:11,583 Oh, it still hurts. 740 00:32:11,583 --> 00:32:13,583 Oh, it's not happened yet. 741 00:32:13,583 --> 00:32:14,708 I think I did shit-- 742 00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:22,667 Please. 743 00:32:22,667 --> 00:32:25,333 I made you that fucking friendship bracelet. 744 00:32:25,333 --> 00:32:28,292 I gave you my last Livestrong bracelet. 745 00:32:28,292 --> 00:32:30,458 Hold on a tick. 746 00:32:30,458 --> 00:32:31,708 Help me, please. 747 00:32:31,708 --> 00:32:32,583 Please. 748 00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:34,292 We can stop for fro-yo. 749 00:32:34,292 --> 00:32:35,458 I know you love Menchies. 750 00:32:36,333 --> 00:32:41,125 Why don't you just die? 751 00:33:00,458 --> 00:33:02,333 Murder, anyone? 752 00:33:08,083 --> 00:33:10,792 So now, we have two psycho killers in the scene. 753 00:33:10,792 --> 00:33:12,500 Three if you count, Blain. 754 00:33:12,500 --> 00:33:13,667 Isn't that a bit much? 755 00:33:13,667 --> 00:33:14,583 No, no, no. 756 00:33:14,583 --> 00:33:16,208 The more, the merrier. 757 00:33:16,208 --> 00:33:18,833 You can never have too many psycho killers, Clarice. 758 00:33:18,833 --> 00:33:20,250 OK. 759 00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:21,333 But it's getting a little far-fetched. 760 00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:22,625 Well, isn't that the point? 761 00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:25,375 Isn't art supposed to be far-fetched? 762 00:33:25,375 --> 00:33:29,125 You don't plop down a hundred or even $12.50 to go see something 763 00:33:29,125 --> 00:33:30,708 that's fetched. 764 00:33:30,708 --> 00:33:32,417 I don't think that's an actual term. 765 00:33:32,417 --> 00:33:33,458 Why not? 766 00:33:33,458 --> 00:33:35,042 Why are things only far-fetched? 767 00:33:35,042 --> 00:33:37,500 Why can't they be merely-fetched or 3/4-fetched? 768 00:33:37,500 --> 00:33:38,792 I don't know. 769 00:33:38,792 --> 00:33:40,708 The point is, where do we go from here? 770 00:33:40,708 --> 00:33:42,542 We've already thrown out the whole outline. 771 00:33:42,542 --> 00:33:43,542 You know what? 772 00:33:43,542 --> 00:33:44,792 I think that's a good thing. 773 00:33:44,792 --> 00:33:46,375 Let's take this thing as far as we can. 774 00:33:46,375 --> 00:33:49,750 And I am not wild about them being British. 775 00:33:49,750 --> 00:33:50,667 OK. 776 00:33:50,667 --> 00:33:51,875 So make them American. 777 00:33:51,875 --> 00:33:53,625 I'll go back and change lorry to truck 778 00:33:53,625 --> 00:33:56,292 and make the other things in that scene more American later. 779 00:33:56,292 --> 00:33:56,792 All right. 780 00:33:56,792 --> 00:33:57,500 All right. 781 00:33:57,500 --> 00:33:58,125 All right. 782 00:33:58,125 --> 00:33:59,458 Great. 783 00:33:59,458 --> 00:34:00,333 Because I have an idea for what happens next. 784 00:34:00,333 --> 00:34:01,208 Carry on, old chap. 785 00:34:01,208 --> 00:34:02,333 I said not British. 786 00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:03,375 I just wanted to get that out there 787 00:34:03,375 --> 00:34:05,792 before we go all colonial again. 788 00:34:05,792 --> 00:34:07,125 All right. 789 00:34:07,125 --> 00:34:08,583 It's later now. 790 00:34:08,583 --> 00:34:11,458 Cooper, I'm worried someone's going to find the body 791 00:34:11,458 --> 00:34:12,708 and ruin everything. 792 00:34:12,708 --> 00:34:14,375 Don't even worry about it. 793 00:34:14,375 --> 00:34:16,792 Blain fit right in the grave next to David and Nancy. 794 00:34:16,792 --> 00:34:21,083 And he's now perfectly covered by David's prizewinning roses. 795 00:34:21,083 --> 00:34:23,583 Blain's disappearance won't be noticed for a while. 796 00:34:23,583 --> 00:34:26,750 He often disappears for months at a time and only returns 797 00:34:26,750 --> 00:34:28,500 when he runs out of money. 798 00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:33,792 But how ever are we going to explain David and Nancy? 799 00:34:33,792 --> 00:34:35,375 What? 800 00:34:35,375 --> 00:34:36,833 Why do we need to explain anything about them? 801 00:34:36,833 --> 00:34:39,625 What do they have to do with us? 802 00:34:39,625 --> 00:34:40,875 You're right. 803 00:34:40,875 --> 00:34:43,292 I hadn't thought of it like that. 804 00:34:43,292 --> 00:34:45,417 We're in the clear. 805 00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:47,417 Nothing can stop us now. 806 00:34:48,917 --> 00:34:49,833 Hello? 807 00:34:49,833 --> 00:34:51,542 Anybody home? 808 00:34:51,542 --> 00:34:53,125 Who can that be? 809 00:34:53,125 --> 00:34:53,833 I don't know. 810 00:34:53,833 --> 00:34:54,750 It sounds like a woman. 811 00:34:56,208 --> 00:34:58,375 Hello? 812 00:34:58,375 --> 00:34:59,875 Her voice doesn't sound familiar. 813 00:34:59,875 --> 00:35:02,125 I don't want to let her in. 814 00:35:02,125 --> 00:35:04,292 I think you have to. 815 00:35:04,292 --> 00:35:05,708 You can't do anything suspicious. 816 00:35:15,292 --> 00:35:17,875 Hello. 817 00:35:17,875 --> 00:35:19,250 Sup, bitches? 818 00:35:19,250 --> 00:35:20,417 I'm Mary Clemens. 819 00:35:20,417 --> 00:35:21,500 I'm a psychic. 820 00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:22,375 I live next door. 821 00:35:25,167 --> 00:35:26,292 Wait, wait, wait. 822 00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:28,417 We can't have a psychic next door. 823 00:35:28,417 --> 00:35:29,958 That's right out of Deathtrap. 824 00:35:29,958 --> 00:35:31,583 Well, cheese and crackers. 825 00:35:31,583 --> 00:35:32,750 I'll make it different. 826 00:35:32,750 --> 00:35:34,667 Yeah, it got all muddy. 827 00:35:34,667 --> 00:35:36,458 I am Mary Clemens. 828 00:35:36,458 --> 00:35:38,292 I am blind. 829 00:35:41,292 --> 00:35:42,417 Who's there? 830 00:35:42,417 --> 00:35:43,958 A blind woman? 831 00:35:43,958 --> 00:35:45,333 We can't have a blind woman. 832 00:35:45,333 --> 00:35:46,750 That's out of Wait Until Dark. 833 00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:48,625 We can't rip off two successful plays like that. 834 00:35:48,625 --> 00:35:49,458 It's not a rip off. 835 00:35:49,458 --> 00:35:50,917 It's an homage. 836 00:35:50,917 --> 00:35:51,833 An homage? 837 00:35:51,833 --> 00:35:53,250 Yes. 838 00:35:53,250 --> 00:35:55,500 And besides, Deathtrap had a psychic. 839 00:35:55,500 --> 00:35:57,500 And Wait Until Dark had a blind woman. 840 00:35:57,500 --> 00:36:00,375 But neither of those had a blind psychic. 841 00:36:00,375 --> 00:36:00,958 OK. 842 00:36:00,958 --> 00:36:02,500 It's an homage. 843 00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:04,250 But let's make her French and not a psychic. 844 00:36:04,250 --> 00:36:05,292 All right. 845 00:36:05,292 --> 00:36:07,500 I am Marie Clement de la France. 846 00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:10,625 I am blind and I am a medium. 847 00:36:10,625 --> 00:36:11,833 A medium? 848 00:36:11,833 --> 00:36:13,958 You mean a psychic, like in Deathtrap? 849 00:36:13,958 --> 00:36:16,958 No, not at all like that play. 850 00:36:16,958 --> 00:36:18,333 No. 851 00:36:18,333 --> 00:36:19,917 I cannot read mind or see the future. 852 00:36:19,917 --> 00:36:21,250 See, guys? 853 00:36:21,250 --> 00:36:22,375 Shit ain't nothing like Deathtrap. 854 00:36:22,375 --> 00:36:25,375 But I can tell the past. 855 00:36:25,375 --> 00:36:28,833 Also not like The Dead Zone. 856 00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:30,958 Won't you sit down, Ms. Clement? 857 00:36:30,958 --> 00:36:33,000 Merci beaucoup. 858 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,042 Oh, um. 859 00:36:34,042 --> 00:36:35,875 It's just to your right. 860 00:36:35,875 --> 00:36:36,542 Oh, no. 861 00:36:36,542 --> 00:36:37,500 Sorry. 862 00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:37,875 Can you help her, please? 863 00:36:37,875 --> 00:36:38,542 Mhm. 864 00:36:38,542 --> 00:36:39,292 Here. 865 00:36:39,292 --> 00:36:40,375 Just-- right. 866 00:36:40,375 --> 00:36:40,792 No. 867 00:36:40,792 --> 00:36:41,417 No. 868 00:36:41,417 --> 00:36:41,875 Oh gosh. 869 00:36:41,875 --> 00:36:42,500 Almost. 870 00:36:42,500 --> 00:36:43,000 Almost. 871 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:43,708 Can you-- 872 00:36:43,708 --> 00:36:44,375 Are you OK? 873 00:36:46,458 --> 00:36:48,333 Sorry. 874 00:36:48,333 --> 00:36:49,375 You're finding it. 875 00:36:49,375 --> 00:36:50,375 Almost. 876 00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:50,875 You just need to do a 180. 877 00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:51,500 OK. 878 00:36:55,917 --> 00:36:57,292 Oh, goodness. 879 00:36:57,292 --> 00:36:57,792 Here. 880 00:36:57,792 --> 00:36:58,417 Take my-- 881 00:36:59,333 --> 00:36:59,750 OK. 882 00:36:59,750 --> 00:37:00,500 Just-- 883 00:37:00,500 --> 00:37:00,875 Here. 884 00:37:00,875 --> 00:37:01,708 OK. 885 00:37:01,708 --> 00:37:03,417 Now, easy does it. 886 00:37:03,417 --> 00:37:03,875 Easy does it. 887 00:37:03,875 --> 00:37:04,500 Voila. 888 00:37:04,500 --> 00:37:04,917 Yay. 889 00:37:04,917 --> 00:37:07,708 Voila. 890 00:37:07,708 --> 00:37:12,875 So you say you have the uncanny ability to see the past? 891 00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:15,875 Indeed I do. 892 00:37:15,875 --> 00:37:19,500 Excuse me, but don't we all have that ability? 893 00:37:19,500 --> 00:37:21,750 Uh, pardon me, but don't we all have that ability? 894 00:37:21,750 --> 00:37:22,917 No. 895 00:37:22,917 --> 00:37:24,667 own past. 896 00:37:24,667 --> 00:37:25,667 Everybody can. 897 00:37:25,667 --> 00:37:27,292 No one care. 898 00:37:27,292 --> 00:37:29,917 But with this power I have, which I did not ask for, 899 00:37:29,917 --> 00:37:32,833 I merely need to be in the presence of a person 900 00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:35,042 and I immediately see their whole life, 901 00:37:35,042 --> 00:37:37,667 like a movie or a play. 902 00:37:37,667 --> 00:37:40,042 Again, not like The Dead Zone. 903 00:37:40,042 --> 00:37:42,542 It is quite formidable. 904 00:37:42,542 --> 00:37:45,667 And you say that's why you've come here this evening? 905 00:37:45,667 --> 00:37:46,375 Oui. 906 00:37:46,375 --> 00:37:47,417 Quite so. 907 00:37:47,417 --> 00:37:49,417 But that is not the only reason. 908 00:37:49,417 --> 00:37:51,708 I have been summoned. 909 00:37:51,708 --> 00:37:52,750 Summoned? 910 00:37:52,750 --> 00:37:54,958 By whom? 911 00:37:54,958 --> 00:37:55,792 The dead. 912 00:38:00,125 --> 00:38:01,625 The lights are flickering, yes? 913 00:38:04,125 --> 00:38:04,875 The dead? 914 00:38:10,333 --> 00:38:12,042 Well, that's just a bit far-fetched. 915 00:38:12,042 --> 00:38:13,792 Wouldn't you say, Ms. Clement? 916 00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:14,458 No. 917 00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:15,333 No. 918 00:38:15,333 --> 00:38:16,083 It's quite fetched. 919 00:38:16,083 --> 00:38:18,500 Is that the correct usage? 920 00:38:18,500 --> 00:38:19,958 My English is not so well. 921 00:38:19,958 --> 00:38:20,625 No. 922 00:38:20,625 --> 00:38:21,625 It's OK. 923 00:38:21,625 --> 00:38:22,958 But let me get this straight. 924 00:38:22,958 --> 00:38:25,958 You're saying you communicate with the dead? 925 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:30,958 Of course. 926 00:38:30,958 --> 00:38:33,458 I am a medium, after all. 927 00:38:33,458 --> 00:38:36,167 But I not only communicate with the departed. 928 00:38:36,167 --> 00:38:37,667 I bring them-- 929 00:38:37,667 --> 00:38:39,500 Fascinating, Ms. Clement. 930 00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:41,875 But what does any of that have to do with me? 931 00:38:41,875 --> 00:38:42,917 I don't even-- 932 00:38:42,917 --> 00:38:44,458 May I have your hand, Bridgette? 933 00:38:46,958 --> 00:38:48,167 How did you know my name? 934 00:38:48,167 --> 00:38:50,375 You're hand. 935 00:38:50,375 --> 00:38:51,083 Oh. 936 00:38:51,083 --> 00:38:53,458 It's here. 937 00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:56,917 What is it? 938 00:38:56,917 --> 00:39:00,458 Ma cher, I see everything clearly. 939 00:39:00,458 --> 00:39:01,958 What do you see? 940 00:39:01,958 --> 00:39:04,000 It is what I do not see. 941 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,083 What is that? 942 00:39:05,083 --> 00:39:06,917 I do not see a penis. 943 00:39:06,917 --> 00:39:07,875 Say what? 944 00:39:07,875 --> 00:39:08,750 A penis. 945 00:39:08,750 --> 00:39:10,042 No? 946 00:39:10,042 --> 00:39:12,708 I do not see a penis. 947 00:39:12,708 --> 00:39:14,542 A penis? 948 00:39:14,542 --> 00:39:15,667 What the hell is that? 949 00:39:15,667 --> 00:39:17,125 It's happiness. 950 00:39:17,125 --> 00:39:20,000 It just sounds like "a penis," because she's French. 951 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:24,125 But the audience is going to think she's saying "a penis." 952 00:39:24,125 --> 00:39:26,208 You think so? 953 00:39:26,208 --> 00:39:27,208 A penis. 954 00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:29,708 A penis. 955 00:39:31,083 --> 00:39:32,625 A penis. 956 00:39:32,625 --> 00:39:33,458 Maybe you're right. 957 00:39:33,458 --> 00:39:35,875 I'll add this. 958 00:39:35,875 --> 00:39:40,458 I do not see much happiness in your life. 959 00:39:40,458 --> 00:39:42,667 She's trying to say "happiness." 960 00:39:42,667 --> 00:39:43,542 Oui. 961 00:39:43,542 --> 00:39:44,958 Happiness. 962 00:39:44,958 --> 00:39:46,125 I thought she was saying-- 963 00:39:46,125 --> 00:39:47,542 No. 964 00:39:47,542 --> 00:39:48,917 We know what we thought she was saying. 965 00:39:48,917 --> 00:39:52,125 Bridgette, there is so much sadness in your life. 966 00:39:52,125 --> 00:39:52,958 Your father-- 967 00:39:52,958 --> 00:39:55,750 Please. 968 00:39:55,750 --> 00:39:58,458 I don't want to discuss my father. 969 00:39:58,458 --> 00:40:00,167 There's something really wrong here. 970 00:40:00,167 --> 00:40:01,875 You don't like where the story's going? 971 00:40:01,875 --> 00:40:02,625 No. 972 00:40:02,625 --> 00:40:03,500 It's not that. 973 00:40:03,500 --> 00:40:04,833 It's the characters. 974 00:40:04,833 --> 00:40:05,917 They have no inner lives. 975 00:40:05,917 --> 00:40:07,667 We don't really care about them. 976 00:40:07,667 --> 00:40:09,667 They're just pieces we're moving around on a chessboard. 977 00:40:09,667 --> 00:40:11,000 You're right. 978 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,500 There's nobody to care about in this movie-- 979 00:40:13,500 --> 00:40:14,792 play, play. 980 00:40:14,792 --> 00:40:16,875 We need a moment, a glimpse into the soul, 981 00:40:16,875 --> 00:40:19,208 of one of the characters. 982 00:40:19,208 --> 00:40:20,083 Marie? 983 00:40:20,083 --> 00:40:21,167 Why Marie? 984 00:40:21,167 --> 00:40:22,708 Well, she's interesting. 985 00:40:22,708 --> 00:40:24,500 She's a blind, French, psychic. 986 00:40:24,500 --> 00:40:25,208 That's the problem. 987 00:40:25,208 --> 00:40:27,583 She's too interesting. 988 00:40:27,583 --> 00:40:29,125 Well, Cooper? 989 00:40:29,125 --> 00:40:30,917 We want to keep him sort of enigmatic. 990 00:40:30,917 --> 00:40:31,875 Don't we? 991 00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:32,917 You're right. 992 00:40:32,917 --> 00:40:35,083 That just leave Bridgette. 993 00:40:35,083 --> 00:40:36,833 I think I've got a way to go with her. 994 00:40:36,833 --> 00:40:39,917 Oh, a wise guy, eh? 995 00:40:39,917 --> 00:40:41,958 Well, be my guest. 996 00:40:41,958 --> 00:40:43,583 I think this will do it. 997 00:40:47,958 --> 00:40:50,083 You say you do not want to talk about your life, 998 00:40:50,083 --> 00:40:53,125 but what else have we but our lives? 999 00:40:53,125 --> 00:40:58,208 I don't want to talk about my life, because it's too painful. 1000 00:40:58,208 --> 00:41:03,792 You say you do not see much happiness in my life? 1001 00:41:03,792 --> 00:41:05,833 That's true. 1002 00:41:05,833 --> 00:41:09,250 Also, no love. 1003 00:41:09,250 --> 00:41:11,958 That's not exactly true. 1004 00:41:11,958 --> 00:41:23,958 I was in love once, with a boy named Eduardo, Eduardo Gomez 1005 00:41:23,958 --> 00:41:27,583 Alfonso de la Guapa. 1006 00:41:27,583 --> 00:41:32,750 My father did everything he could to break us up. 1007 00:41:32,750 --> 00:41:33,292 I'm sorry. 1008 00:41:33,292 --> 00:41:34,125 Why is that? 1009 00:41:42,042 --> 00:41:46,083 Alfonso was dark complected. 1010 00:41:46,083 --> 00:41:50,958 Even in these enlightened times of post-racial America, 1011 00:41:50,958 --> 00:41:55,042 my father was hateful. 1012 00:41:55,042 --> 00:42:02,625 He systematically destroyed our love, had Eduardo deported, 1013 00:42:02,625 --> 00:42:08,000 and forced me to have a late-term abortion. 1014 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:14,125 Afterward, I hated my father with a passion. 1015 00:42:14,125 --> 00:42:19,625 My mother insisted that my father had acted out of love. 1016 00:42:19,625 --> 00:42:24,250 But I saw no love in his actions. 1017 00:42:24,250 --> 00:42:28,208 I, determined to spend the rest of my life 1018 00:42:28,208 --> 00:42:35,000 defying his authority, flaunting his prejudices, 1019 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:39,083 I had many public affairs. 1020 00:42:39,083 --> 00:42:45,750 Black men, Brown men, even women. 1021 00:42:45,750 --> 00:42:50,167 You should've seen my father froth at the mouth 1022 00:42:50,167 --> 00:42:55,250 at the idea of his poor sweet little daughter 1023 00:42:55,250 --> 00:42:56,708 becoming a lesbian. 1024 00:42:59,792 --> 00:43:03,208 That was the final straw. 1025 00:43:03,208 --> 00:43:09,167 He threw me out and disinherited me. 1026 00:43:09,167 --> 00:43:11,417 I swore revenge. 1027 00:43:11,417 --> 00:43:17,833 And nothing can stand in my way, no code of morals or ethics 1028 00:43:17,833 --> 00:43:19,625 or laws. 1029 00:43:19,625 --> 00:43:21,917 I'm my own. 1030 00:43:21,917 --> 00:43:26,958 I own me. 1031 00:43:26,958 --> 00:43:27,958 And scene. 1032 00:43:37,958 --> 00:43:39,125 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1033 00:43:39,125 --> 00:43:40,167 She's a racist? 1034 00:43:40,167 --> 00:43:41,375 No, but her father is. 1035 00:43:41,375 --> 00:43:43,917 And she's trying to get back at him. 1036 00:43:43,917 --> 00:43:46,125 I hate it. 1037 00:43:46,125 --> 00:43:49,667 It is a little overblown with the Judy Garland spot. 1038 00:43:49,667 --> 00:43:51,792 I just don't think we need it. 1039 00:43:51,792 --> 00:43:53,917 I mean, why do we care about her past? 1040 00:43:53,917 --> 00:43:55,125 We know she's a psychopath. 1041 00:43:55,125 --> 00:43:57,167 That's all we need to know about her. 1042 00:43:57,167 --> 00:43:57,792 OK. 1043 00:43:57,792 --> 00:43:58,292 Cut it. 1044 00:43:58,292 --> 00:44:00,958 It's cut. 1045 00:44:00,958 --> 00:44:05,458 Now, let's up the stakes here. 1046 00:44:05,458 --> 00:44:08,000 So you say you were summoned here by dead people? 1047 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,042 Oui. 1048 00:44:09,042 --> 00:44:12,375 But it was very confusion. 1049 00:44:12,375 --> 00:44:16,875 I was summoned by a poulet. 1050 00:44:16,875 --> 00:44:18,875 Oh, no. 1051 00:44:18,875 --> 00:44:21,333 A poulet? 1052 00:44:21,333 --> 00:44:23,333 You mean a chicken? 1053 00:44:23,333 --> 00:44:24,167 Oui. 1054 00:44:24,167 --> 00:44:26,292 But not a chicken. 1055 00:44:26,292 --> 00:44:28,417 It was very, very confusion. 1056 00:44:28,417 --> 00:44:29,333 Yes. 1057 00:44:29,333 --> 00:44:32,167 It is very confusion. 1058 00:44:32,167 --> 00:44:34,750 Could you give us just a moment, please? 1059 00:44:34,750 --> 00:44:36,167 But of course. 1060 00:44:36,167 --> 00:44:37,917 Not a problem. 1061 00:44:37,917 --> 00:44:38,333 Oh. 1062 00:44:41,167 --> 00:44:44,167 I sense you have some champagne. 1063 00:44:44,167 --> 00:44:46,375 Oh, yes. 1064 00:44:46,375 --> 00:44:47,917 Should I-- 1065 00:44:47,917 --> 00:44:48,792 No, no, no. 1066 00:44:48,792 --> 00:44:50,167 It will speak to me. 1067 00:44:50,167 --> 00:44:53,042 I am a medium. 1068 00:44:53,042 --> 00:44:56,708 Bring some spirits back from the dead, including alcohol. 1069 00:45:00,292 --> 00:45:01,917 We have to get rid of her. 1070 00:45:01,917 --> 00:45:03,458 What can she know? 1071 00:45:03,458 --> 00:45:06,083 She knows about the chicken suit. 1072 00:45:06,083 --> 00:45:08,083 I want to find out what else she knows. 1073 00:45:08,083 --> 00:45:12,417 You play a very dangerous game, Bridgette. 1074 00:45:12,417 --> 00:45:15,167 Haven't you figured me out yet? 1075 00:45:15,167 --> 00:45:19,458 Danger is my middle name. 1076 00:45:19,458 --> 00:45:21,208 Sure thing. 1077 00:45:21,208 --> 00:45:23,417 But what about me? 1078 00:45:23,417 --> 00:45:25,208 I don't know your middle name. 1079 00:45:25,208 --> 00:45:26,125 Shirley. 1080 00:45:26,125 --> 00:45:27,083 Shirley? 1081 00:45:27,083 --> 00:45:28,333 William Goldberg III, yes. 1082 00:45:31,125 --> 00:45:32,125 Shirley. 1083 00:45:32,125 --> 00:45:34,208 I'm curious, Ms. Clement. 1084 00:45:34,208 --> 00:45:36,542 No, it's not two. 1085 00:45:36,542 --> 00:45:37,458 Um. 1086 00:45:37,458 --> 00:45:39,375 Marie, please. 1087 00:45:39,375 --> 00:45:41,083 I am not so formal. 1088 00:45:41,083 --> 00:45:43,000 Oui. 1089 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:44,333 Marie, then. 1090 00:45:44,333 --> 00:45:48,917 How exactly do the dead communicate with you? 1091 00:45:48,917 --> 00:45:50,417 It is very interesting. 1092 00:45:50,417 --> 00:45:52,917 I get a cryptic-- 1093 00:45:52,917 --> 00:45:54,083 is that the word? 1094 00:45:54,083 --> 00:45:56,125 -a cryptic message. 1095 00:45:56,125 --> 00:46:01,833 A word, a phrase, like a text message in my mind. 1096 00:46:01,833 --> 00:46:05,333 So the dead text message you? 1097 00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:08,333 Yes, like a text, but not exactly. 1098 00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:11,292 Then, they tell me where to go and it must have the seance. 1099 00:46:11,292 --> 00:46:12,417 A seance? 1100 00:46:12,417 --> 00:46:13,458 Is that necessary? 1101 00:46:13,458 --> 00:46:14,833 Mademoiselle Bridgette. 1102 00:46:14,833 --> 00:46:15,625 Yes? 1103 00:46:15,625 --> 00:46:17,458 Yes, I am talking to you. 1104 00:46:17,458 --> 00:46:20,167 There is a departed soul who wishes to communicate with you. 1105 00:46:20,167 --> 00:46:23,042 It is tres, tres necessary. 1106 00:46:23,042 --> 00:46:25,500 Well, then, let's have a seance. 1107 00:46:26,958 --> 00:46:28,125 Bridgette. 1108 00:46:28,125 --> 00:46:30,000 What's the worst that can happen? 1109 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,542 Either nothing or some disembodied spirit 1110 00:46:32,542 --> 00:46:35,292 raps on a table? 1111 00:46:35,292 --> 00:46:38,958 I must warn you, I'm not like the other medium. 1112 00:46:38,958 --> 00:46:43,292 Not only can I summon the souls of the departed, I summon-- 1113 00:46:43,292 --> 00:46:44,583 Whatever. 1114 00:46:44,583 --> 00:46:47,417 Sounds like fun. 1115 00:46:47,417 --> 00:46:48,292 Fuck it. 1116 00:46:48,292 --> 00:46:49,042 Let's have some fun. 1117 00:46:50,458 --> 00:46:53,042 I think this is where the intermission should go. 1118 00:46:53,042 --> 00:46:54,250 Intermission? 1119 00:46:54,250 --> 00:46:55,667 What do we need an intermission for? 1120 00:46:55,667 --> 00:46:57,250 Movies don't have intermissions? 1121 00:46:57,250 --> 00:46:58,208 Well, they used to. 1122 00:46:58,208 --> 00:46:59,500 I remember seeing Ben-Hur. 1123 00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:01,125 They had a long intermission. 1124 00:47:01,125 --> 00:47:02,542 Well, yeah. 1125 00:47:02,542 --> 00:47:04,375 For one thing, Ben-Hur was, like, four hours long. 1126 00:47:04,375 --> 00:47:07,958 And for another thing, no movies have intermissions anymore. 1127 00:47:07,958 --> 00:47:09,375 This is not a movie. 1128 00:47:09,375 --> 00:47:11,292 And theatergoers expect an intermission. 1129 00:47:11,292 --> 00:47:12,542 I hate intermissions. 1130 00:47:12,542 --> 00:47:14,417 I mean, why give the audience the chance 1131 00:47:14,417 --> 00:47:17,125 to go out and discuss the play at the halfway point? 1132 00:47:17,125 --> 00:47:19,167 What if someone's like really enjoying the play 1133 00:47:19,167 --> 00:47:20,667 and they overhear somebody else saying, 1134 00:47:20,667 --> 00:47:23,125 gee, this plays sucks, and it changes their attitude 1135 00:47:23,125 --> 00:47:24,000 entirely? 1136 00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:25,208 That never happens. 1137 00:47:25,208 --> 00:47:27,000 Besides maybe the reverse can happen. 1138 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,208 Somebody could think the play sucks, go out in the lobby, 1139 00:47:29,208 --> 00:47:31,500 hear someone else raving about it, and say, 1140 00:47:31,500 --> 00:47:35,292 I must've missed something that guy obviously appreciates. 1141 00:47:35,292 --> 00:47:37,375 Besides, what about the women who have to pee? 1142 00:47:37,375 --> 00:47:39,208 Men have to pee too. 1143 00:47:39,208 --> 00:47:42,083 Have you ever seen the line outside the restroom 1144 00:47:42,083 --> 00:47:43,583 during the intermission of a play? 1145 00:47:43,583 --> 00:47:45,500 The women are lined up from here to Zanzibar. 1146 00:47:45,500 --> 00:47:48,208 The men go in, unzip, pee, and they're out again 1147 00:47:48,208 --> 00:47:49,708 in 10 seconds. 1148 00:47:49,708 --> 00:47:51,917 Nobody ever leaves in the middle of a movie to pee. 1149 00:47:51,917 --> 00:47:53,500 This isn't a movie. 1150 00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:55,125 It's a play. 1151 00:47:55,125 --> 00:47:57,083 Besides, the little black box theaters 1152 00:47:57,083 --> 00:48:00,042 need time to sell their drinks and snacks. 1153 00:48:00,042 --> 00:48:01,250 Oh, yes. 1154 00:48:01,250 --> 00:48:04,958 The old $1 worth of white wine for $8. 1155 00:48:04,958 --> 00:48:06,208 What a value. 1156 00:48:06,208 --> 00:48:07,500 They need to make their money somewhere. 1157 00:48:07,500 --> 00:48:09,500 They're not making it at the box office. 1158 00:48:09,500 --> 00:48:10,375 All right. 1159 00:48:10,375 --> 00:48:11,042 You made your point. 1160 00:48:11,042 --> 00:48:12,125 OK. 1161 00:48:12,125 --> 00:48:14,208 We'll put the intermission here. 1162 00:48:14,208 --> 00:48:17,250 Now, for some reason, I have to pee. 1163 00:48:27,083 --> 00:48:29,167 Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes the first act 1164 00:48:29,167 --> 00:48:30,708 of our performance. 1165 00:48:30,708 --> 00:48:32,708 Please feel free to enjoy some refreshments in the lobby. 1166 00:48:32,708 --> 00:48:34,500 And when the lights flicker, make your way 1167 00:48:34,500 --> 00:48:35,333 back to your seats. 1168 00:48:48,083 --> 00:48:49,500 Ah, fuck it. 1169 00:48:49,500 --> 00:48:51,375 This play is too short for an intermission. 1170 00:48:51,375 --> 00:48:52,375 You're right. 1171 00:48:52,375 --> 00:48:53,250 Let's go right into act two. 1172 00:48:53,250 --> 00:48:54,125 All right. 1173 00:48:54,125 --> 00:48:56,750 OK, ball, you are ready? 1174 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,125 The axis on planets must flip. 1175 00:49:18,208 --> 00:49:19,125 No, no, no. 1176 00:49:19,125 --> 00:49:20,208 Just the tip. 1177 00:49:20,208 --> 00:49:21,375 What does all that mean? 1178 00:49:21,375 --> 00:49:22,708 Shh. 1179 00:49:22,708 --> 00:49:25,333 You must remain silent during the incantation. 1180 00:49:25,333 --> 00:49:28,250 The spirits are very restless tonight. 1181 00:49:28,250 --> 00:49:29,500 Sorry. 1182 00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:31,208 This is my first seance. 1183 00:49:32,583 --> 00:49:34,333 No, no. 1184 00:49:34,333 --> 00:49:36,625 You must not touch the summoning candle. 1185 00:49:36,625 --> 00:49:39,667 It must remain lit for the duration. 1186 00:50:10,500 --> 00:50:13,458 Bridgette? 1187 00:50:13,458 --> 00:50:16,333 Bridgette. 1188 00:50:16,333 --> 00:50:17,458 Oh God. 1189 00:50:17,458 --> 00:50:20,375 That's Nancy Babcock's voice. 1190 00:50:20,375 --> 00:50:21,667 Oh, good Lord. 1191 00:50:21,667 --> 00:50:23,708 I only ever heard her screaming in pain. 1192 00:50:23,708 --> 00:50:24,708 I mean-- 1193 00:50:24,708 --> 00:50:25,542 It doesn't matter. 1194 00:50:28,542 --> 00:50:32,542 Marie has checked out. 1195 00:50:32,542 --> 00:50:34,167 Shit. 1196 00:50:34,167 --> 00:50:40,333 Bridgette, don't you want any more of my cookies? 1197 00:50:40,333 --> 00:50:41,542 No, I don't. 1198 00:50:41,542 --> 00:50:45,208 I never liked your cookies. 1199 00:50:45,208 --> 00:50:46,542 Whore. 1200 00:50:46,542 --> 00:50:52,458 You there, boy, what did I ever do to harm you? 1201 00:50:52,458 --> 00:50:53,583 Nothing, actually. 1202 00:50:53,583 --> 00:50:54,625 Nothing at all. 1203 00:50:54,625 --> 00:50:57,458 Then, why did you send me here? 1204 00:50:57,458 --> 00:51:01,750 It's so cold and damp. 1205 00:51:01,750 --> 00:51:03,667 I'm so sorry. 1206 00:51:03,667 --> 00:51:07,250 You know, if I could do it all over again-- 1207 00:51:07,250 --> 00:51:09,750 Yes? 1208 00:51:09,750 --> 00:51:11,125 I'd still kill you. 1209 00:51:11,125 --> 00:51:13,417 Just being honest. 1210 00:51:13,417 --> 00:51:14,750 I do love that about you. 1211 00:51:18,375 --> 00:51:21,583 Who the fuck ruined my roses? 1212 00:51:21,583 --> 00:51:23,583 David? 1213 00:51:23,583 --> 00:51:27,417 I tended those roses for 30 years. 1214 00:51:27,417 --> 00:51:30,417 And now, I'm fertilizer for them. 1215 00:51:30,417 --> 00:51:31,458 Hey, come on. 1216 00:51:31,458 --> 00:51:32,500 I put a lot of effort into that. 1217 00:51:32,500 --> 00:51:33,708 I was trying to be thoughtful. 1218 00:51:33,708 --> 00:51:34,833 Thoughtful? 1219 00:51:34,833 --> 00:51:37,167 You buried me with that shrew I've 1220 00:51:37,167 --> 00:51:40,417 been stuck with since I was 23. 1221 00:51:40,417 --> 00:51:42,333 Shut up, you old fart. 1222 00:51:42,333 --> 00:51:44,708 Oh, get your fat ass back in the kitchen. 1223 00:51:47,625 --> 00:51:50,542 I always thought of them as a particularly loving couple. 1224 00:51:50,542 --> 00:51:51,667 Yeah. 1225 00:51:51,667 --> 00:51:53,292 They seemed so compatible the way 1226 00:51:53,292 --> 00:51:56,500 they screamed each other's names when they died. 1227 00:51:56,500 --> 00:52:00,167 You just can't tell what goes on behind closed doors. 1228 00:52:00,167 --> 00:52:01,375 It's true. 1229 00:52:01,375 --> 00:52:02,542 Who knows what they're really up to? 1230 00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:07,167 They are gone. 1231 00:52:07,167 --> 00:52:09,875 Of course, I remember nothing. 1232 00:52:09,875 --> 00:52:11,292 Did you get a message? 1233 00:52:11,292 --> 00:52:13,208 Oh, not really. 1234 00:52:13,208 --> 00:52:16,500 Just some old neighbors dropping by. 1235 00:52:16,500 --> 00:52:18,333 That is very strange. 1236 00:52:18,333 --> 00:52:23,458 There was a very powerful and angry spirit which summoned me. 1237 00:52:23,458 --> 00:52:24,417 OK. 1238 00:52:24,417 --> 00:52:25,250 Well, we try again, huh? 1239 00:52:25,250 --> 00:52:25,792 Oh, please. 1240 00:52:25,792 --> 00:52:27,250 No. 1241 00:52:27,250 --> 00:52:28,417 You don't need to go to any more trouble. 1242 00:52:28,417 --> 00:52:30,500 It's been very interesting. 1243 00:52:30,500 --> 00:52:31,958 But enough is enough. 1244 00:52:44,375 --> 00:52:45,875 Milo? 1245 00:52:45,875 --> 00:52:47,708 You said you didn't kill him. 1246 00:52:47,708 --> 00:52:48,333 I know. 1247 00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:49,667 I know. 1248 00:52:49,667 --> 00:52:51,667 He looked so sad without the food and water he-- 1249 00:52:51,667 --> 00:52:54,292 and he also started to eat David's eyeball. 1250 00:52:54,292 --> 00:52:55,875 Oh. 1251 00:52:55,875 --> 00:52:57,208 I know. 1252 00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:58,833 It's like in less than half a day, 1253 00:52:58,833 --> 00:53:00,792 a dog can go from loving the shit out of you 1254 00:53:00,792 --> 00:53:05,500 to eating your eyeball out of your dead corpse. 1255 00:53:09,708 --> 00:53:11,292 Finally. 1256 00:53:11,292 --> 00:53:13,250 I've been trying to reach you guys for 20 minutes. 1257 00:53:13,250 --> 00:53:15,500 But the only thing I'm getting from this French lunatic 1258 00:53:15,500 --> 00:53:16,667 is a busy signal. 1259 00:53:16,667 --> 00:53:18,375 Blain? 1260 00:53:18,375 --> 00:53:19,292 Yes, Blain. 1261 00:53:19,292 --> 00:53:20,250 Who'd you think it was? 1262 00:53:20,250 --> 00:53:21,542 Elvis? 1263 00:53:21,542 --> 00:53:23,833 Do you have any idea how frustrating it is 1264 00:53:23,833 --> 00:53:26,375 to be on hold when you're dead? 1265 00:53:26,375 --> 00:53:29,875 Coop, I am very disappointed in you. 1266 00:53:29,875 --> 00:53:32,000 I didn't know she was going to shoot you. 1267 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,708 You didn't seem to give a fuck that she did. 1268 00:53:34,708 --> 00:53:35,458 Hey. 1269 00:53:35,458 --> 00:53:36,458 You know me. 1270 00:53:36,458 --> 00:53:39,375 I go with the flow. 1271 00:53:39,375 --> 00:53:40,250 Hey. 1272 00:53:40,250 --> 00:53:41,375 You wanted to kill me. 1273 00:53:41,375 --> 00:53:42,375 Remember? 1274 00:53:42,375 --> 00:53:44,542 In a particularly bloody way. 1275 00:53:44,542 --> 00:53:45,958 But I didn't. 1276 00:53:45,958 --> 00:53:47,667 There's a difference between wanting to commit murder 1277 00:53:47,667 --> 00:53:50,417 and murdering someone. 1278 00:53:50,417 --> 00:53:53,375 Apparently, you didn't know that. 1279 00:53:53,375 --> 00:53:55,833 And now, you're going to have to face-- 1280 00:53:55,833 --> 00:53:57,542 -the consequences. 1281 00:53:57,542 --> 00:53:59,917 Consequences. 1282 00:53:59,917 --> 00:54:01,417 What consequences? 1283 00:54:01,417 --> 00:54:03,333 You're just a ghost. 1284 00:54:03,333 --> 00:54:04,542 Am I? 1285 00:54:04,542 --> 00:54:06,292 Marie here's been trying to tell you 1286 00:54:06,292 --> 00:54:08,792 that she isn't just any old French, blind, psychic medium. 1287 00:54:08,792 --> 00:54:09,917 No, no, no. 1288 00:54:09,917 --> 00:54:12,583 She does much, much more than that. 1289 00:54:12,583 --> 00:54:14,417 See that candle over there? 1290 00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:15,750 Yeah. 1291 00:54:15,750 --> 00:54:18,417 That's an ancient Egyptian summoning candle. 1292 00:54:18,417 --> 00:54:21,333 It was used by Isis, not that ISIS, 1293 00:54:21,333 --> 00:54:23,750 to raise Osiris from the dead. 1294 00:54:23,750 --> 00:54:26,458 Not only does Marie summon the soul 1295 00:54:26,458 --> 00:54:28,917 of the departed, she summons-- 1296 00:54:28,917 --> 00:54:30,542 The body. 1297 00:54:39,708 --> 00:54:40,500 Hey. 1298 00:54:40,500 --> 00:54:42,417 I'm back. 1299 00:54:42,417 --> 00:54:43,583 Great to be back. 1300 00:54:43,583 --> 00:54:45,000 I'm just, you know, dead. 1301 00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,375 Ah. 1302 00:54:47,375 --> 00:54:50,333 You remember what a really, really bad hangover feels like? 1303 00:54:50,333 --> 00:54:52,000 Yeah, well, this kind of feels like that 1304 00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:56,333 plus the overwhelming desire to eat brains. 1305 00:54:56,333 --> 00:54:58,042 What kind of zombie are you? 1306 00:54:58,042 --> 00:54:59,375 Huh? 1307 00:54:59,375 --> 00:55:01,500 Zombies don't talk. 1308 00:55:01,500 --> 00:55:02,750 What? 1309 00:55:02,750 --> 00:55:04,583 Everything you know about zombies 1310 00:55:04,583 --> 00:55:05,875 you know from the movies. 1311 00:55:05,875 --> 00:55:07,708 That doesn't make them true. 1312 00:55:07,708 --> 00:55:10,750 Those movies don't get anything right. 1313 00:55:10,750 --> 00:55:12,083 What about the brains thing? 1314 00:55:12,083 --> 00:55:13,833 Nah, I made that up. 1315 00:55:13,833 --> 00:55:15,917 I mean, what possible good could eating brains do? 1316 00:55:15,917 --> 00:55:17,875 Really, think about it. 1317 00:55:17,875 --> 00:55:19,375 No. 1318 00:55:19,375 --> 00:55:20,667 I just want to kill you. 1319 00:55:20,667 --> 00:55:23,000 And there's nothing you can do about it. 1320 00:55:25,667 --> 00:55:26,792 Zombie? 1321 00:55:26,792 --> 00:55:27,875 Are you kidding me? 1322 00:55:27,875 --> 00:55:28,667 What? 1323 00:55:28,667 --> 00:55:29,458 Zombies are hot. 1324 00:55:29,458 --> 00:55:30,667 Hot? 1325 00:55:30,667 --> 00:55:32,042 There are five million zombie movies. 1326 00:55:32,042 --> 00:55:34,708 There's The Walking Dead and 28 Days Later 1327 00:55:34,708 --> 00:55:37,958 and Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead and Night 1328 00:55:37,958 --> 00:55:40,667 of the Living Dead and Return of the Living Dead and Dawn 1329 00:55:40,667 --> 00:55:43,167 of the Dead and Day of the Dead and Afternoon of the Dead. 1330 00:55:43,167 --> 00:55:44,083 I missed that one. 1331 00:55:44,083 --> 00:55:45,500 Whatever. 1332 00:55:45,500 --> 00:55:47,417 Zombies are played out, finished, over. 1333 00:55:47,417 --> 00:55:48,833 Hardly. 1334 00:55:48,833 --> 00:55:51,083 That's why they keep making new ones every year. 1335 00:55:51,083 --> 00:55:53,958 It's money in the bank, a zombie movie. 1336 00:55:53,958 --> 00:55:57,583 This, in case I haven't made it sufficiently clear, 1337 00:55:57,583 --> 00:55:59,000 is not a movie. 1338 00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:00,458 It's a play. 1339 00:56:00,458 --> 00:56:01,167 Fine. 1340 00:56:01,167 --> 00:56:02,875 It's a zombie play then. 1341 00:56:02,875 --> 00:56:05,125 There certainly aren't too many of those around. 1342 00:56:05,125 --> 00:56:07,875 That's because theatergoers want something 1343 00:56:07,875 --> 00:56:09,958 more than just the regurgitated pap 1344 00:56:09,958 --> 00:56:13,000 they can get any day of the week at their local multiplex. 1345 00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:15,958 Oh, people who go to the theater. 1346 00:56:15,958 --> 00:56:19,417 You really don't like common people, do you? 1347 00:56:19,417 --> 00:56:20,875 What do you mean by that? 1348 00:56:20,875 --> 00:56:23,542 Well, you've turned your nose up at popular culture, 1349 00:56:23,542 --> 00:56:24,875 as if they're stupid. 1350 00:56:24,875 --> 00:56:26,917 What's wrong with a little commercial success? 1351 00:56:26,917 --> 00:56:28,042 You've got it all wrong. 1352 00:56:28,042 --> 00:56:29,458 It's not that I dislike people. 1353 00:56:29,458 --> 00:56:30,792 I just want to give them something 1354 00:56:30,792 --> 00:56:32,500 worthwhile, thought-provoking. 1355 00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:33,167 Oh, really? 1356 00:56:33,167 --> 00:56:34,583 12 people at a time? 1357 00:56:34,583 --> 00:56:36,917 With a movie, you can reach millions. 1358 00:56:36,917 --> 00:56:39,500 You can write a movie on your own time. 1359 00:56:39,500 --> 00:56:42,875 We agreed to write a play. 1360 00:56:42,875 --> 00:56:43,667 All right. 1361 00:56:43,667 --> 00:56:45,583 All right. 1362 00:56:45,583 --> 00:56:49,125 I just want to write a play that could be adapted into a movie. 1363 00:56:49,125 --> 00:56:51,458 Besides, this is only the first draft. 1364 00:56:51,458 --> 00:56:55,667 Why don't we play it out to the end and see how we feel then? 1365 00:56:55,667 --> 00:56:57,250 Whatever. 1366 00:56:57,250 --> 00:57:00,667 I just don't want to keep having the same argument with you. 1367 00:57:00,667 --> 00:57:01,667 Now, where are we? 1368 00:57:01,667 --> 00:57:02,083 All right. 1369 00:57:02,083 --> 00:57:03,708 OK. 1370 00:57:03,708 --> 00:57:06,667 What I have is that the David and Nancy zombies come 1371 00:57:06,667 --> 00:57:08,000 crashing back into the room. 1372 00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:08,917 Two more zombies? 1373 00:57:08,917 --> 00:57:09,792 Are you kidding me? 1374 00:57:09,792 --> 00:57:11,000 We can't have that. 1375 00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:12,583 How are you going to get two actors 1376 00:57:12,583 --> 00:57:15,958 to audition for non-speaking zombie roles in a play? 1377 00:57:15,958 --> 00:57:18,125 Well, you know, in a movie, there are 1378 00:57:18,125 --> 00:57:20,208 thousands of extras lining up. 1379 00:57:20,208 --> 00:57:22,125 Again, that's a movie. 1380 00:57:22,125 --> 00:57:23,958 This is a play. 1381 00:57:23,958 --> 00:57:28,542 How then, are we going to explain that Blain comes back 1382 00:57:28,542 --> 00:57:31,583 as a zombie, but David and Nancy don't? 1383 00:57:31,583 --> 00:57:32,208 I don't know. 1384 00:57:32,208 --> 00:57:33,167 This is so stupid. 1385 00:57:34,125 --> 00:57:34,792 All right. 1386 00:57:34,792 --> 00:57:35,792 I've got. 1387 00:57:35,792 --> 00:57:36,625 I think I've got something. 1388 00:57:41,167 --> 00:57:44,042 Brains. 1389 00:57:44,042 --> 00:57:48,000 David and Nancy are staggering across the lawn, very slowly. 1390 00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:49,958 They're going to take at least 20 minutes. 1391 00:57:49,958 --> 00:57:51,917 Oh, they don't look so good. 1392 00:57:51,917 --> 00:57:54,292 Brains. 1393 00:57:54,292 --> 00:57:55,458 Big brains. 1394 00:57:58,250 --> 00:57:59,667 We have to do something. 1395 00:57:59,667 --> 00:58:02,708 Yes, you have to die. 1396 00:58:02,708 --> 00:58:04,167 But don't worry. 1397 00:58:04,167 --> 00:58:06,750 It's not so bad, once you get past the worms eating 1398 00:58:06,750 --> 00:58:08,083 your flesh. 1399 00:58:08,083 --> 00:58:10,875 The medium, this has all happened because of her. 1400 00:58:10,875 --> 00:58:11,917 You're right. 1401 00:58:11,917 --> 00:58:12,958 We have to snap her out of it. 1402 00:58:12,958 --> 00:58:14,542 You fend off Blain while I try. 1403 00:58:14,542 --> 00:58:16,042 Yes. 1404 00:58:16,042 --> 00:58:17,042 Marie. 1405 00:58:17,042 --> 00:58:19,000 Marie, wake up. 1406 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:22,000 Marie, you have to wake up. 1407 00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:25,167 Bridgette, I miss you. 1408 00:58:25,167 --> 00:58:28,583 Ay, dios mio. 1409 00:58:28,583 --> 00:58:29,792 Eduardo? 1410 00:58:29,792 --> 00:58:31,292 I miss you, cara mia. 1411 00:58:31,292 --> 00:58:32,125 You're dead? 1412 00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,208 It's so hot in here. 1413 00:58:37,208 --> 00:58:38,333 Ay, dios mio. 1414 00:58:39,917 --> 00:58:41,333 You're in hell? 1415 00:58:41,333 --> 00:58:43,875 No, in Ecuador. 1416 00:58:43,875 --> 00:58:45,292 Enough with Eduardo. 1417 00:58:45,292 --> 00:58:47,083 She's just connecting with the dearly departed, 1418 00:58:47,083 --> 00:58:48,208 like the dearly deported. 1419 00:58:53,083 --> 00:58:56,917 Happy birthday to you. 1420 00:58:56,917 --> 00:59:02,375 Happy birthday to you. 1421 00:59:02,375 --> 00:59:08,625 Happy birthday, Mr. President. 1422 00:59:08,625 --> 00:59:12,708 Oh, why do I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop? 1423 00:59:12,708 --> 00:59:17,375 Jack, if you don't call me back, I'm going to take all these-- 1424 00:59:17,375 --> 00:59:18,708 -pills. 1425 00:59:18,708 --> 00:59:20,625 Now, she's Marilyn Monroe. 1426 00:59:20,625 --> 00:59:22,875 Is she buried in the rose garden too? 1427 00:59:22,875 --> 00:59:24,042 No. 1428 00:59:24,042 --> 00:59:25,833 She's just a disembodied spirit. 1429 00:59:25,833 --> 00:59:28,667 Haven't you heard that sometimes happens to suicides? 1430 00:59:28,667 --> 00:59:29,833 Keep going. 1431 00:59:29,833 --> 00:59:30,625 What should I do? 1432 00:59:30,625 --> 00:59:31,208 I don't know. 1433 00:59:31,208 --> 00:59:32,417 But do it fast. 1434 00:59:32,417 --> 00:59:34,875 Chicken Boy's wearing me the fuck out. 1435 00:59:34,875 --> 00:59:36,375 I should've been Freddy Krueger. 1436 00:59:36,375 --> 00:59:37,333 No. 1437 00:59:37,333 --> 00:59:38,375 It's a good chicken suit. 1438 00:59:44,875 --> 00:59:45,875 Sacre bleu. 1439 00:59:51,292 --> 00:59:52,000 Shit. 1440 00:59:57,125 --> 01:00:00,250 You haven't seen the last of me. 1441 01:00:00,250 --> 01:00:02,750 I'll be back. 1442 01:00:05,083 --> 01:00:05,792 Fuck you. 1443 01:00:29,875 --> 01:00:38,458 Bridgette, was it really necessary? 1444 01:00:42,750 --> 01:00:45,500 Apparently. 1445 01:00:45,500 --> 01:00:48,375 This is all insane. 1446 01:00:48,375 --> 01:00:49,333 Yes, it is. 1447 01:00:49,333 --> 01:00:52,292 I know. 1448 01:00:52,292 --> 01:00:53,250 But it's over now. 1449 01:01:09,833 --> 01:01:10,708 Seriously? 1450 01:01:10,708 --> 01:01:12,083 Kung Fu and Karate? 1451 01:01:12,083 --> 01:01:14,167 How are we going to do that? 1452 01:01:14,167 --> 01:01:16,458 We'll use stunt doubles, of course. 1453 01:01:16,458 --> 01:01:17,417 It's a movie. 1454 01:01:17,417 --> 01:01:19,292 No one will ever know. 1455 01:01:19,292 --> 01:01:23,333 It's a fucking play. 1456 01:01:54,958 --> 01:01:57,875 I might be some bloody poultry, but you're no match 1457 01:01:57,875 --> 01:02:00,833 for my Kung Fu stylings. 1458 01:02:00,833 --> 01:02:04,333 Let's go then, Kung Pao chicken. 1459 01:02:17,458 --> 01:02:18,958 Let's go, Cooper. 1460 01:02:25,333 --> 01:02:26,917 How is this happening? 1461 01:02:26,917 --> 01:02:28,292 I killed Marie? 1462 01:02:28,292 --> 01:02:30,250 Must be the fact that the candle's still burning. 1463 01:02:30,250 --> 01:02:31,208 You get to the candle. 1464 01:02:31,208 --> 01:02:32,208 I'll handle chicken boy. 1465 01:02:32,208 --> 01:02:32,833 All right? 1466 01:02:32,833 --> 01:02:33,250 OK. 1467 01:03:12,125 --> 01:03:15,375 We can't afford to choreograph any more. 1468 01:03:15,375 --> 01:03:18,000 Blow the fucking candle out. 1469 01:03:29,500 --> 01:03:30,167 Thank you. 1470 01:03:33,208 --> 01:03:35,958 This is awful. 1471 01:03:35,958 --> 01:03:38,167 Kung Fu zombies? 1472 01:03:38,167 --> 01:03:41,625 Hey, that's a great title. 1473 01:03:41,625 --> 01:03:45,000 I can't believe my name is going to be on this. 1474 01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,250 Are you kidding me? 1475 01:03:46,250 --> 01:03:48,042 This is great stuff. 1476 01:03:48,042 --> 01:03:49,375 Boy, oh, boy. 1477 01:03:49,375 --> 01:03:51,167 Wait till you read the ending I come up with. 1478 01:03:56,583 --> 01:03:57,500 To us. 1479 01:03:58,125 --> 01:03:58,583 To us. 1480 01:04:02,375 --> 01:04:05,625 It has been quite an evening. 1481 01:04:05,625 --> 01:04:07,958 Yes, it has. 1482 01:04:07,958 --> 01:04:10,167 It's a good thing that bit with the candle worked. 1483 01:04:10,167 --> 01:04:12,500 I was about to be zombied to death. 1484 01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:14,208 That's right. 1485 01:04:14,208 --> 01:04:18,292 I was about to be pecked to death by a zombie chicken. 1486 01:04:18,292 --> 01:04:20,042 Wow. 1487 01:04:20,042 --> 01:04:21,375 I've definitely done enough digging in that rose garden. 1488 01:04:21,375 --> 01:04:22,083 That's for sure. 1489 01:04:22,083 --> 01:04:22,958 Four bodies? 1490 01:04:22,958 --> 01:04:24,542 Yeah, that's enough. 1491 01:04:24,542 --> 01:04:25,917 Thank goodness there's you. 1492 01:04:29,083 --> 01:04:31,250 Yeah. 1493 01:04:31,250 --> 01:04:33,583 You're pretty remarkable. 1494 01:04:33,583 --> 01:04:35,458 As are you. 1495 01:04:35,458 --> 01:04:38,083 We're sort of made for each other. 1496 01:04:38,083 --> 01:04:39,333 I think so. 1497 01:04:45,958 --> 01:04:48,375 I don't think this is what romantic comedy writers would 1498 01:04:48,375 --> 01:04:49,917 call a "meet cute." 1499 01:04:52,333 --> 01:04:54,125 A meet cute? 1500 01:04:54,125 --> 01:04:55,583 Yes. 1501 01:04:55,583 --> 01:04:58,292 You know, when the boy meets the girl in the movie. 1502 01:04:58,292 --> 01:05:01,250 She's having an online romance with him, but doesn't know it. 1503 01:05:01,250 --> 01:05:05,083 Or he's a widow who goes on the radio 1504 01:05:05,083 --> 01:05:06,750 and she falls in love with his voice. 1505 01:05:06,750 --> 01:05:10,958 Or, well, you know. 1506 01:05:10,958 --> 01:05:15,667 I mean, what like a Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan kind of thing? 1507 01:05:15,667 --> 01:05:17,542 Yes, exactly. 1508 01:05:17,542 --> 01:05:18,250 OK. 1509 01:05:18,250 --> 01:05:18,667 For sure. 1510 01:05:18,667 --> 01:05:19,500 OK. 1511 01:05:19,500 --> 01:05:20,208 That shit's crazy. 1512 01:05:20,208 --> 01:05:21,583 Yeah. 1513 01:05:21,583 --> 01:05:23,292 Some people don't even think that a triple murder 1514 01:05:23,292 --> 01:05:25,083 is that romantic. 1515 01:05:25,083 --> 01:05:26,042 I know. 1516 01:05:26,042 --> 01:05:28,042 I guess some people don't. 1517 01:05:28,042 --> 01:05:31,333 That's why we're so right for each other. 1518 01:05:31,333 --> 01:05:33,458 There aren't many people capable of accomplishing 1519 01:05:33,458 --> 01:05:34,583 what we've done together. 1520 01:05:34,583 --> 01:05:37,375 That's damn right. 1521 01:05:42,167 --> 01:05:45,208 That's why I feel so bad. 1522 01:05:47,625 --> 01:05:49,083 Bad? 1523 01:05:49,083 --> 01:05:50,708 Why? 1524 01:05:50,708 --> 01:05:53,208 You might've noticed that it's getting a bit difficult 1525 01:05:53,208 --> 01:05:54,250 to move your extremities. 1526 01:05:56,125 --> 01:05:58,375 I put a little something in your champagne. 1527 01:06:01,458 --> 01:06:03,042 I'm sorry, but I still need someone 1528 01:06:03,042 --> 01:06:04,417 to blame the Picasso on. 1529 01:06:04,417 --> 01:06:07,750 And, well, Blain is buried in the rose garden. 1530 01:06:07,750 --> 01:06:08,333 So-- 1531 01:06:10,750 --> 01:06:14,958 Was it-- was this really necessary? 1532 01:06:17,375 --> 01:06:20,417 I think so. 1533 01:06:20,417 --> 01:06:21,500 I can't feel my body. 1534 01:06:25,667 --> 01:06:29,083 You can still feel your mouth, apparently. 1535 01:06:29,083 --> 01:06:30,417 Psych. 1536 01:06:37,833 --> 01:06:42,250 I don't drink champagne. 1537 01:06:42,250 --> 01:06:43,458 What do you mean? 1538 01:06:43,458 --> 01:06:46,208 I saw you drink it all day. 1539 01:06:46,208 --> 01:06:47,667 You should pay more attention. 1540 01:06:47,667 --> 01:06:50,375 I actually didn't eat or drink a single thing 1541 01:06:50,375 --> 01:06:52,208 since I've been here. 1542 01:06:52,208 --> 01:06:53,667 Thank you. 1543 01:06:53,667 --> 01:06:54,625 Am I? 1544 01:06:54,625 --> 01:06:56,083 I'm good with this. 1545 01:06:56,083 --> 01:06:58,458 To us. 1546 01:06:58,458 --> 01:07:00,083 Well, the police will never believe 1547 01:07:00,083 --> 01:07:02,500 that I could've disarmed him. 1548 01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:04,208 Why is that? 1549 01:07:04,208 --> 01:07:08,875 Because, one second-- 1550 01:07:08,875 --> 01:07:09,458 OK. 1551 01:07:21,625 --> 01:07:28,458 Because I intend to drink now. 1552 01:07:28,458 --> 01:07:30,625 I have no idea what you're saying. 1553 01:07:30,625 --> 01:07:37,208 I said- I intend to drink now. 1554 01:07:37,208 --> 01:07:39,333 There's something really distracting in your mouth. 1555 01:07:39,333 --> 01:07:41,292 I just can't. 1556 01:07:41,292 --> 01:07:44,167 You're killing recalling the fucking moment.. 1557 01:07:44,167 --> 01:07:45,208 Huh? 1558 01:07:45,208 --> 01:07:46,667 Fuck. 1559 01:07:46,667 --> 01:07:48,583 I don't-- 1560 01:07:48,583 --> 01:07:52,458 Because I intend to drink now. 1561 01:07:54,125 --> 01:07:55,250 Oh, you're a vampire. 1562 01:07:55,250 --> 01:07:56,125 Good. 1563 01:07:56,125 --> 01:07:56,750 You picked up on that. 1564 01:07:56,750 --> 01:07:57,667 Yes. 1565 01:07:57,667 --> 01:07:58,583 Finally. 1566 01:07:58,583 --> 01:07:59,750 Thank you. 1567 01:07:59,750 --> 01:08:02,208 I had to put this shit for you to-- 1568 01:08:02,208 --> 01:08:02,750 you get it. 1569 01:08:02,750 --> 01:08:03,417 I'm a vampire. 1570 01:08:03,417 --> 01:08:04,333 Right? 1571 01:08:04,333 --> 01:08:05,375 Yes. 1572 01:08:05,375 --> 01:08:05,792 I can put this in my pocket now. 1573 01:08:05,792 --> 01:08:06,417 Yeah? 1574 01:08:06,417 --> 01:08:07,500 Yeah. 1575 01:08:07,500 --> 01:08:08,625 Sorry. 1576 01:08:08,625 --> 01:08:12,583 Now, I don't know how I missed it. 1577 01:08:12,583 --> 01:08:13,250 Yes. 1578 01:08:13,250 --> 01:08:14,833 Yes. 1579 01:08:14,833 --> 01:08:18,833 Hey, you know how I said I slit the Babcocks' throats earlier? 1580 01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:19,792 Bit their throats. 1581 01:08:19,792 --> 01:08:21,167 Fucking bit those throats. 1582 01:08:21,167 --> 01:08:21,875 You bit them. 1583 01:08:21,875 --> 01:08:23,458 You want to know why? 1584 01:08:23,458 --> 01:08:24,375 You want to know why? 1585 01:08:24,375 --> 01:08:25,500 I do. 1586 01:08:25,500 --> 01:08:26,625 Because that's how I roll, brother. 1587 01:08:26,625 --> 01:08:27,875 That's how I roll. 1588 01:08:27,875 --> 01:08:29,833 I bite throats. 1589 01:08:29,833 --> 01:08:31,708 Well, this is perfect. 1590 01:08:31,708 --> 01:08:34,500 Now, you can turn me into a vampire 1591 01:08:34,500 --> 01:08:38,292 and we can keep killing and killing for all eternity. 1592 01:08:41,542 --> 01:08:43,167 That shit would be dope. 1593 01:08:43,167 --> 01:08:43,583 Mhm. 1594 01:08:51,292 --> 01:09:00,208 But, unfortunately, nah. 1595 01:09:00,208 --> 01:09:02,125 I'm too much of a commitment-phobe. 1596 01:09:04,583 --> 01:09:06,208 Yeah. 1597 01:09:06,208 --> 01:09:07,583 Couldn't have you around like that, not too much, not 1598 01:09:07,583 --> 01:09:08,292 too much. 1599 01:09:08,292 --> 01:09:08,667 Oh, shit. 1600 01:09:08,667 --> 01:09:09,292 No. 1601 01:09:13,333 --> 01:09:14,292 But I'll tell you what. 1602 01:09:17,500 --> 01:09:19,875 I'll keep that summoning candle shit 1603 01:09:19,875 --> 01:09:23,208 and I'll summon you back, from time to time, 1604 01:09:23,208 --> 01:09:26,500 like it's a booty call, like a vamp and chill or some shit. 1605 01:09:26,500 --> 01:09:27,250 Yeah. 1606 01:09:27,250 --> 01:09:27,875 Yeah. 1607 01:09:27,875 --> 01:09:29,333 We could do that. 1608 01:09:29,333 --> 01:09:30,750 We could do that. 1609 01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:32,958 We could. 1610 01:09:32,958 --> 01:09:37,375 So you do care something for me. 1611 01:09:37,375 --> 01:09:41,333 I knew we had a connection. 1612 01:09:45,542 --> 01:09:47,458 What? 1613 01:09:47,458 --> 01:09:52,292 You just so happened to have a wooden fucking stake on you? 1614 01:09:52,292 --> 01:09:55,000 I lied about my last name. 1615 01:09:55,000 --> 01:09:56,750 It isn't Nelson. 1616 01:09:56,750 --> 01:09:58,875 It's Van Helsing. 1617 01:09:58,875 --> 01:10:00,000 Oh, of course. 1618 01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:02,458 My family has been luring vampires 1619 01:10:02,458 --> 01:10:04,667 to their death for centuries. 1620 01:10:04,667 --> 01:10:06,875 Is that really necessary? 1621 01:10:06,875 --> 01:10:07,500 Quite. 1622 01:10:10,833 --> 01:10:11,958 Am I out of blood? 1623 01:10:11,958 --> 01:10:14,667 I might be out of blood. 1624 01:10:14,667 --> 01:10:15,708 You can die now. 1625 01:10:17,875 --> 01:10:18,875 No. 1626 01:10:18,875 --> 01:10:20,417 I've got a little blood left. 1627 01:10:20,417 --> 01:10:22,375 I have to bleed out first. 1628 01:10:22,375 --> 01:10:22,750 Welp. 1629 01:10:25,958 --> 01:10:27,583 It's such a skinny stake. 1630 01:10:27,583 --> 01:10:30,750 What a slow death you've appointed me to. 1631 01:10:30,750 --> 01:10:33,333 It's been fun. 1632 01:10:33,333 --> 01:10:33,833 Yes. 1633 01:10:33,833 --> 01:10:34,750 Thank you. 1634 01:10:34,750 --> 01:10:36,083 At least you say that. 1635 01:10:36,083 --> 01:10:37,375 God, compliment me while I die, why don't you? 1636 01:10:37,375 --> 01:10:38,042 Is it 11:00 already? 1637 01:10:38,042 --> 01:10:40,750 Wow. 1638 01:10:43,542 --> 01:10:45,083 This is the final straw. 1639 01:10:45,083 --> 01:10:46,583 Ghosts I was OK with. 1640 01:10:46,583 --> 01:10:48,625 I even begrudgingly accepted zombies. 1641 01:10:48,625 --> 01:10:52,417 But Kung Fu zombies and Marilyn Monroe and now a vampire? 1642 01:10:52,417 --> 01:10:53,833 And Van Helsing. 1643 01:10:53,833 --> 01:10:55,000 Van Helsing? 1644 01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:56,708 And how many times do you think you 1645 01:10:56,708 --> 01:10:59,292 can shock an audience with a supposedly dead character 1646 01:10:59,292 --> 01:11:01,083 suddenly springing up? 1647 01:11:01,083 --> 01:11:03,000 This is just bad writing. 1648 01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:05,917 This is 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pounds bag. 1649 01:11:05,917 --> 01:11:08,083 I'm for scrapping the whole thing and starting over. 1650 01:11:08,083 --> 01:11:09,708 You don't know what you're talking about. 1651 01:11:09,708 --> 01:11:11,583 You don't know a good thing when you see it. 1652 01:11:11,583 --> 01:11:15,667 This screenplay could be our meal ticket. 1653 01:11:15,667 --> 01:11:17,083 Oh, I see. 1654 01:11:17,083 --> 01:11:19,500 You were just pretending to collaborate on a play. 1655 01:11:19,500 --> 01:11:23,333 This whole time, you were writing your cheap exploitation 1656 01:11:23,333 --> 01:11:24,750 film for the mindless masses. 1657 01:11:24,750 --> 01:11:27,375 You say that like it's a bad thing. 1658 01:11:27,375 --> 01:11:28,583 I'm deleting the whole thing. 1659 01:11:28,583 --> 01:11:30,500 Oh, no you are not, my friend. 1660 01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:31,500 No, no. 1661 01:11:31,500 --> 01:11:32,458 Do not hit that delete key. 1662 01:11:33,042 --> 01:11:33,625 Dammit, Charlie. 1663 01:11:33,625 --> 01:11:34,625 Don't make me do this. 1664 01:11:49,625 --> 01:11:52,583 "Damn it, Charlie. 1665 01:11:52,583 --> 01:11:53,833 Don't make me do this." 1666 01:12:05,500 --> 01:12:07,083 Knock, knock, honey. 1667 01:12:07,083 --> 01:12:09,417 I'm kind of working here. 1668 01:12:09,417 --> 01:12:10,458 Oh. 1669 01:12:10,458 --> 01:12:12,000 Well, I didn't hear any typing. 1670 01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:14,417 So I thought that it was OK. 1671 01:12:14,417 --> 01:12:16,500 Whether you hear me typing or whether you 1672 01:12:16,500 --> 01:12:19,625 don't hear me typing, whatever the fuck you hear-- 1673 01:12:19,625 --> 01:12:21,792 Jack Nicholson in The Shining. 1674 01:12:21,792 --> 01:12:22,500 Very good. 1675 01:12:24,500 --> 01:12:29,500 Well, at least you're not typing "All work and no play 1676 01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:33,750 make George a dull boy." 1677 01:12:33,750 --> 01:12:36,083 Yeah. 1678 01:12:36,083 --> 01:12:37,000 No. 1679 01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,667 Thank heaven for that. 1680 01:12:38,667 --> 01:12:41,083 How's the writing going today? 1681 01:12:41,083 --> 01:12:44,000 Well, to be honest, I've been fighting with myself 1682 01:12:44,000 --> 01:12:46,458 the whole day. 1683 01:12:46,458 --> 01:12:51,708 It's that old art versus commerce argument. 1684 01:12:51,708 --> 01:12:52,792 Yeah. 1685 01:12:52,792 --> 01:12:53,583 Yeah. 1686 01:12:53,583 --> 01:12:54,000 Exactly. 1687 01:12:57,667 --> 01:12:58,917 Bridgette? 1688 01:12:58,917 --> 01:13:00,500 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1689 01:13:00,500 --> 01:13:02,417 Are you basing a character on me? 1690 01:13:02,417 --> 01:13:04,875 Just the name. 1691 01:13:04,875 --> 01:13:06,875 So she's nothing like me? 1692 01:13:06,875 --> 01:13:10,000 Unless you're a total sociopath with no redeeming qualities, 1693 01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:10,958 then no. 1694 01:13:10,958 --> 01:13:13,458 She is nothing like you. 1695 01:13:13,458 --> 01:13:14,125 Oh, yes. 1696 01:13:14,125 --> 01:13:17,000 That would be me. 1697 01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:21,250 You know, honey, I was thinking. 1698 01:13:21,250 --> 01:13:25,583 Maybe you should think about getting someone, another writer 1699 01:13:25,583 --> 01:13:26,458 to work with you. 1700 01:13:26,458 --> 01:13:29,458 You mean, collaborate? 1701 01:13:29,458 --> 01:13:31,083 I'm deleting the whole thing. 1702 01:13:31,083 --> 01:13:31,958 Damn it, Charlie. 1703 01:13:31,958 --> 01:13:33,250 Don't make me do this. 1704 01:13:33,250 --> 01:13:36,125 I don't know if that'd work out so well. 1705 01:13:36,125 --> 01:13:39,042 But at least then you wouldn't be, you know, 1706 01:13:39,042 --> 01:13:42,125 spending all your time cooped up down here, all alone, 1707 01:13:42,125 --> 01:13:45,583 in a room, talking to yourself. 1708 01:13:45,583 --> 01:13:46,125 OK. 1709 01:13:46,125 --> 01:13:47,500 You know what? 1710 01:13:47,500 --> 01:13:50,000 I'll consider it for my next project. 1711 01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:50,875 OK. 1712 01:13:50,875 --> 01:13:52,000 It's just a thought. 1713 01:13:52,000 --> 01:13:53,542 I mean, you know I worry about you. 1714 01:13:53,542 --> 01:13:55,083 You don't have to worry about me. 1715 01:13:55,083 --> 01:13:58,208 Actually, I think I've really written something good here 1716 01:13:58,208 --> 01:14:01,125 and has commercial value. 1717 01:14:01,125 --> 01:14:02,250 You've said that before. 1718 01:14:02,250 --> 01:14:02,875 I know. 1719 01:14:02,875 --> 01:14:03,833 I know. 1720 01:14:03,833 --> 01:14:04,875 But this one is different. 1721 01:14:04,875 --> 01:14:09,125 This one has, well, everything. 1722 01:14:09,125 --> 01:14:11,083 Well, I hope so. 1723 01:14:11,083 --> 01:14:13,208 We could use some money. 1724 01:14:13,208 --> 01:14:16,167 I know. 1725 01:14:16,167 --> 01:14:17,667 What about your dad? 1726 01:14:17,667 --> 01:14:19,625 Do you think, like, he'd maybe loan us some 1727 01:14:19,625 --> 01:14:21,625 till I can sell this? 1728 01:14:21,625 --> 01:14:22,708 Oh, boy. 1729 01:14:22,708 --> 01:14:24,500 My father? 1730 01:14:24,500 --> 01:14:25,583 You must be kidding? 1731 01:14:25,583 --> 01:14:28,625 I mean, you know what? 1732 01:14:28,625 --> 01:14:29,500 I know. 1733 01:14:29,500 --> 01:14:31,292 Let's steal his Picasso. 1734 01:14:31,292 --> 01:14:32,583 Oh, now, there's a thought. 1735 01:14:32,583 --> 01:14:34,958 Hmm? 1736 01:14:34,958 --> 01:14:35,792 All right. 1737 01:14:35,792 --> 01:14:36,542 Coming to dinner? 1738 01:14:36,542 --> 01:14:37,167 Yeah. 1739 01:14:37,167 --> 01:14:38,542 In a little bit. 1740 01:14:38,542 --> 01:14:41,083 I just want to put one thing in here 1741 01:14:41,083 --> 01:14:42,875 before it falls out my ears. 1742 01:14:42,875 --> 01:14:46,875 You know, the kids would like to see their father sometime. 1743 01:14:46,875 --> 01:14:51,208 Bridgette, my darling, love of my life, I'll be right up. 1744 01:14:51,208 --> 01:14:53,667 But I'll bash your brains in. 1745 01:14:53,667 --> 01:14:56,083 I'll bash your fucking brains right in. 1746 01:14:56,083 --> 01:14:57,125 That was good. 1747 01:14:57,125 --> 01:14:57,750 That was-- 1748 01:14:57,750 --> 01:14:59,292 Thanks. 1749 01:14:59,292 --> 01:15:00,917 That was good, but I don't think you quite have it exactly. 1750 01:15:00,917 --> 01:15:01,833 All right. 1751 01:15:01,833 --> 01:15:03,583 I'll keep working on it. 1752 01:15:03,583 --> 01:15:05,708 And I got to work on this. 1753 01:15:05,708 --> 01:15:07,042 But I will be right up. 1754 01:15:07,042 --> 01:15:09,167 Tell the kids I'll be up in time for dessert. 1755 01:15:09,167 --> 01:15:10,917 OK? 1756 01:15:10,917 --> 01:15:13,083 I just really need to get this down before I forget it. 1757 01:15:13,083 --> 01:15:13,792 OK. 1758 01:15:13,792 --> 01:15:14,167 All right. 1759 01:15:23,292 --> 01:15:24,708 Love you. 1760 01:15:24,708 --> 01:15:27,083 Love you. 1761 01:15:27,083 --> 01:15:31,792 Kung Fu Zombies, the screenplay. 1762 01:15:32,375 --> 01:15:33,750 We fade in-- 1763 01:16:02,000 --> 01:16:04,750 What the hell just happened? 1764 01:16:04,750 --> 01:16:06,167 Where am? 1765 01:16:06,167 --> 01:16:10,208 What-- why does everything seem so much smaller? 1766 01:16:10,208 --> 01:16:13,000 Am I in a dollhouse version of my house? 1767 01:16:16,708 --> 01:16:22,083 Are those credits rolling by outside my smaller house? 1768 01:16:22,083 --> 01:16:23,625 Whoa. 1769 01:16:23,625 --> 01:16:25,250 How the hell did you get in here? 1770 01:16:25,250 --> 01:16:26,125 All right. 1771 01:16:26,125 --> 01:16:27,417 George, George, relax. 1772 01:16:27,417 --> 01:16:28,750 I know this is a little freaky right now. 1773 01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:29,750 Yeah. 1774 01:16:29,750 --> 01:16:30,625 This is actually a movie. 1775 01:16:30,625 --> 01:16:31,042 What? 1776 01:16:34,417 --> 01:16:37,000 I was writing a movie. 1777 01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:37,917 I know that. 1778 01:16:37,917 --> 01:16:39,333 Not exactly. 1779 01:16:39,333 --> 01:16:43,292 You're actually a character in a movie I directed. 1780 01:16:43,292 --> 01:16:43,958 Hold on. 1781 01:16:43,958 --> 01:16:44,958 Hold on. 1782 01:16:44,958 --> 01:16:46,708 Explain to me what's going on. 1783 01:16:46,708 --> 01:16:48,000 Guys. 1784 01:16:48,000 --> 01:16:49,125 Guys, guys, kill the credits for a second. 1785 01:16:49,125 --> 01:16:49,500 Oh. 1786 01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:50,083 Thank you. 1787 01:16:50,083 --> 01:16:51,125 That's very unsettling. 1788 01:16:51,125 --> 01:16:51,792 Oh. 1789 01:16:51,792 --> 01:16:52,292 Thank you. 1790 01:16:52,292 --> 01:16:53,000 Thank you. 1791 01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:53,917 Thank you. 1792 01:16:53,917 --> 01:16:54,333 That was so unsettling. 1793 01:16:54,333 --> 01:16:54,958 Yeah. 1794 01:16:54,958 --> 01:16:56,708 Yeah. 1795 01:16:56,708 --> 01:16:57,667 You should feel like you got a little bit more breathing 1796 01:16:57,667 --> 01:16:58,208 room, a normal size again. 1797 01:16:58,208 --> 01:16:59,292 Yeah, yeah. 1798 01:16:59,292 --> 01:17:01,458 So what's going on? 1799 01:17:01,458 --> 01:17:02,833 OK. 1800 01:17:02,833 --> 01:17:04,292 So like I was saying, you're actually 1801 01:17:04,292 --> 01:17:07,125 a character that was written by my father for a play 1802 01:17:07,125 --> 01:17:10,458 that he created and then I turned into a movie. 1803 01:17:10,458 --> 01:17:13,917 You're played by an actor named Maurice LeMarche. 1804 01:17:13,917 --> 01:17:16,250 I'm not familiar with his work. 1805 01:17:16,250 --> 01:17:17,833 Voice actor? 1806 01:17:17,833 --> 01:17:18,750 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1807 01:17:18,750 --> 01:17:19,417 Pinky and the Brain. 1808 01:17:19,417 --> 01:17:20,458 Yeah, yeah. 1809 01:17:20,458 --> 01:17:21,042 He was a friend of my father's. 1810 01:17:21,042 --> 01:17:21,667 Oh. 1811 01:17:21,667 --> 01:17:22,375 Yeah. 1812 01:17:22,375 --> 01:17:23,125 Your dad wrote on that? 1813 01:17:23,125 --> 01:17:23,917 Yeah, yeah. 1814 01:17:23,917 --> 01:17:25,083 Yes, yes, yes. 1815 01:17:25,083 --> 01:17:26,750 I liked his episodes particularly. 1816 01:17:26,750 --> 01:17:32,250 So you're saying then that I, George the screenwriter 1817 01:17:32,250 --> 01:17:34,958 and playwright, am not real. 1818 01:17:34,958 --> 01:17:36,375 Well, I mean, are any of us? 1819 01:17:36,375 --> 01:17:38,167 I'm actually not really the director. 1820 01:17:38,167 --> 01:17:40,125 I'm a character named "The Director" 1821 01:17:40,125 --> 01:17:42,958 that the director is actually playing inside of his own movie 1822 01:17:42,958 --> 01:17:44,250 that was written as a play. 1823 01:17:44,250 --> 01:17:46,833 I mean, I was almost really recast 1824 01:17:46,833 --> 01:17:48,708 because I couldn't learn my lines. 1825 01:17:48,708 --> 01:17:50,125 Wow. 1826 01:17:50,125 --> 01:17:51,708 That's got to be a comedown. 1827 01:17:51,708 --> 01:17:52,500 I know. 1828 01:17:52,500 --> 01:17:54,083 I really feel for the actor. 1829 01:17:54,083 --> 01:17:57,750 So are you telling me I'm just words on a page? 1830 01:17:57,750 --> 01:17:59,458 Words on a page. 1831 01:17:59,458 --> 01:18:05,083 So when the movie ends, do I just disappear 1832 01:18:05,083 --> 01:18:07,542 and I'm gone for good? 1833 01:18:07,542 --> 01:18:08,333 No. 1834 01:18:08,333 --> 01:18:09,208 No. 1835 01:18:09,208 --> 01:18:10,208 I'm not saying that. 1836 01:18:10,208 --> 01:18:13,042 Some works, they last forever. 1837 01:18:13,042 --> 01:18:14,417 Nothing's ever really gone for good. 1838 01:18:17,917 --> 01:18:18,333 All right. 1839 01:18:18,333 --> 01:18:19,167 Cut. 1840 01:18:19,167 --> 01:18:19,833 Cut it. 1841 01:18:19,833 --> 01:18:20,208 Cut.