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And then my sister, uh, Diane, um… 282 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:46,534 She was reading stories of rats eating babies in Harlem in the cribs. 283 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:49,161 So then… then she told it to us, 284 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:55,209 and then we felt like we had to wrap, um, coats or shirts around our necks at night 285 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,837 to keep the rats from biting our necks. 286 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,839 And, um… and we would listen to them-- 287 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,423 And they would jump on the bed. 288 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,634 They would jump on the bed and eating the… 289 00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:08,514 'Cause I had a doll that had… what, um… was made of hard plastic. 290 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:10,349 -So like porcelain. -Yeah. 291 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,351 I had one doll like that. 292 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:17,064 -And to hear the eating of that doll. 293 00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:19,149 -I mean loud. The crunching. 294 00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:22,361 And then when I woke up, the entire face was gone. 295 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,739 -Ugh. -Yeah. 296 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,158 There was a shocking point in the book, 297 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,120 where you were talking about the violence in your home. 298 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,746 And there was a seminal moment 299 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:36,250 when your father was beating on your mother, 300 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,377 and you tried to stand between them. 301 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:42,298 And he had taken a glass and had cut her in the face. 302 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:43,799 -Yeah. -Describe that moment. 303 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,134 Put us in the story. 304 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:50,055 Yes. It was a particularly violent fight when my father said, 305 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:53,642 "I'm gonna… I'm gonna bust your head open May Alice." 306 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,770 And I had my baby sister in my hand, 307 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,607 and, um, I was so terrified. 308 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,108 It just got really heated, 309 00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:05,112 and he finally… he smashed her head with the… with the glass. 310 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:08,741 -Oh. -And the blood came spurting out. 311 00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:12,578 And by that point, my fear, um… 312 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:15,623 my fear had… had taken over, 313 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:19,793 and I just remember screaming, "Stop it!" 314 00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,170 "Just stop!" 315 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,546 "Give me the glass!" 316 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:27,134 And I can't tell you, it's sort of like, um… 317 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:30,304 I don't know, coming face-to-face with a giant. 318 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,515 Coming face-to-face with your fear. 319 00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:36,226 This is my father. 320 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:39,855 And, first of all, you never told Dan Davis what to do. 321 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,190 -Right. -'Cause… 322 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,441 -Also-- -…I was terrified. 323 00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:44,276 We grew up in the… in the era 324 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,236 where you don't talk back to your parents anyway. 325 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,446 -At all. -At all. 326 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,991 So here I was doing the unnatural thing, 327 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:54,703 which is telling a parent to stop doing something 328 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,580 that he should not have been doing. 329 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,794 And I can't tell you that… how much it cost me something 330 00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,672 to step outside and this-- 331 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:07,424 Everybody, 332 00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,969 especially at 14… 333 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,513 …you need a parent. 334 00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:13,931 Yes. Yes. 335 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:17,726 You need a guide. That person with, sort of, that lamp. 336 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,687 -Right. -That proverbial lamp. 337 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:23,315 That's gonna take you down darkened paths, 338 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:27,069 and gonna teach you something about navigating life, 339 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:30,406 even though, you know, you're still gonna face some crap in life. 340 00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:31,323 Yeah. 341 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:34,326 But someone to show you how to do what they did. 342 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,578 Yeah. You're not supposed to be showing them. 343 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,038 -No. Not at all. -Yes. Yeah. 344 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,416 And for me, it cost me something 345 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:44,044 to tell a parent to don't do that. 346 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,380 You're gonna kill my mom. 347 00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:48,799 I… I wasn't… 348 00:16:48,882 --> 00:16:52,720 I did not have the emotional maturity, 349 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:56,223 an… an… an engine to be able to do that. 350 00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,892 But I found myself doing it anyway. 351 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,686 But the surprise of that now, 352 00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:03,564 and I think I wrote it in the book, is that I had it in me. 353 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:04,481 Yeah. 354 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:08,485 I had a different sorta strength in me that maybe I couldn't see at the time… 355 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,404 -That's what you wrote. -…but was ever-present. 356 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:13,532 And that moment actually caused a shift in you 357 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,659 to realize that you did have it in you. 358 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,202 Yeah. I think, uh, it did. 359 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:20,205 -Like after that, a lot of things changed. -Yeah. 360 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:23,542 Fourteen was the age I decided I was gonna be an actress. 361 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:27,629 Fourteen was the age that I won a major art contest, 362 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,507 and I thought I was Slick Willie for doing that. 363 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:35,262 Fourteen was the age that I realized I really wanted out, 364 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,431 and I saw a way out. 365 00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:41,935 A hole had been been blasted through this cave that I was in. 366 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,854 Yeah. I wanna just say to everyone 367 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:47,357 that you eventually forgave your father, 368 00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,527 and became very close with him towards the end of his life. 369 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:54,490 And that you understood as an adult that he was dealing with his own demons 370 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:59,328 and had come from, you know, such hardship and such tragedy and such-- 371 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,830 Literally, you know, not being seen 372 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:05,042 and… and victimized himself. 373 00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:08,337 Well, they say that that's what successful therapy is. 374 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:11,423 That when the day comes when you realize 375 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,843 that your parents did the best they could with what they had. 376 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,179 And In the end you realized that he loved you. 377 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,889 How did you know, Viola? 378 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,558 Because he told me and he showed me 379 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,228 every single day. 380 00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:29,483 Even when he would be in the car with me driving, 381 00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:31,693 and I drove into a parking lot, 382 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,279 he would say, "Boy, that's so good, daughter." 383 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,990 "You such a great driver. I love you so much." 384 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,868 He would go to… He went to all of our plays 385 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,328 even if they were in New York. 386 00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:42,913 -Was it hard, though, to forgive? -Yeah. 387 00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:45,999 Because I remember when I was… Gayle and I were talking about your book, 388 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:50,629 and she was saying, "I just don't understand how you can forgive 389 00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:54,508 when a parent has done so much damage." 390 00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,677 Was it hard for you to forgive? 391 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,846 -Absolutely it was. -Mm. 392 00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:03,809 It is, and it still is, I would say. 393 00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:04,810 But it's a choice. 394 00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:08,730 You actually use a line in here that I often use for describing, 395 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:09,940 you know, forgiveness. 396 00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:12,526 That it's giving up hope that the past could've been different. 397 00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:14,862 -Yeah. -And you use that line in here. 398 00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,405 So you had reached that point 399 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:20,159 and recognize that I can't change what it was. 400 00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:23,537 -Absolutely. -And so I'm just going to march forward. 401 00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,831 Yeah. I mean, listen, 402 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,416 uh, y-you know… 403 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:33,088 At the end of the day, that's what we're all trying to do. 404 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,592 We're all trying to do the best we can with what we've been given. 405 00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:39,303 -And that's it. -Mm-hmm. 406 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:41,930 We just don't have a face of what that looks like. 407 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,850 I think that sometimes we watch too much TV. 408 00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:45,767 Mm-hmm. 409 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:49,813 And we… we want lives to be played out the same way. 410 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:53,775 A 41-minute drama is played out on Thursday night lineup-- 411 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,695 -And it don't work that way. -And it doesn't work that way. 412 00:19:56,778 --> 00:20:01,617 That everything is… becomes a, sort of, extension 413 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:06,788 to how much you're willing to accept the life that God gave you… 414 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:12,502 and how much bravery you have to forge ahead 415 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,005 and create the life that you actually want. 416 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:16,548 Want. Yes, ma'am. 417 00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,384 And it becomes, you know, it's like… 418 00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:23,764 My therapist told me that life is about two things. 419 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:28,685 Living life for pleasure, and gratefulness, and joy, 420 00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:32,564 but also the understanding that the downtime is gonna come. 421 00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,109 -Ugh. Yes. -And if you can, sort of… 422 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:39,696 be somewhere in the middle of that and understanding that, 423 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,406 then you could, sort of… 424 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,950 It's survivable. 425 00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:47,663 For me, when I was younger, I thought I was cursed. 426 00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:52,542 I was like, "Okay, um, you know, no one thinks I'm cute." 427 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,086 "So I don't have that." 428 00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:57,673 "I'm poor. I don't have any money, any resources." 429 00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:00,217 You know, I have a lot of violence in the family. 430 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,511 I was like, "Where's my sunlight?" 431 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:04,680 "Where is it?" 432 00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:09,643 Until once again, this is the power. 433 00:21:09,726 --> 00:21:11,478 I say it to people all the time. 434 00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:14,231 You find people in your life who love you. 435 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:19,319 And what those people do, because they love you, 436 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:21,822 and they love all of you, even your flaws, 437 00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:26,868 is they give you permission to be able to love yourself. 438 00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:28,745 What do I mean by that? 439 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:32,374 Ron Stetson who said, "Don't you know, you're beautiful, Viola?" 440 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,751 "I've always seen you as beautiful." 441 00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:35,669 "You do?" 442 00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:38,088 -Okay. I wanna go to that moment. -Yep. 443 00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:40,674 The first time you show up at Upward Bound, 444 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:43,510 this is an organization that's helping kids from the inner city. 445 00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:47,597 I love this moment where Ron is talking about, 446 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:50,183 uh, what it means to be an actor. 447 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:53,103 And every… "Who wants to be an actor?" He asks the question. 448 00:21:53,186 --> 00:21:55,022 And everybody raises their hand. 449 00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:58,817 And as he continues to talk about how difficult it is to be an actor… 450 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:02,529 How many rejections you're gonna have, how hard you're gonna have to work, 451 00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:04,406 how many times you get turned down. 452 00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:07,159 the hands start going down, and the hands start going down, 453 00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:08,660 and the hands start going down, 454 00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:13,165 and yours is the last hand remaining. 455 00:22:13,957 --> 00:22:18,879 And you say that my dreams were bigger than my fears. 456 00:22:18,962 --> 00:22:20,088 Absolutely. 457 00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:21,798 I needed a dream 458 00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:25,552 like I needed food and water. 459 00:22:25,635 --> 00:22:26,470 Mm-hmm. 460 00:22:26,553 --> 00:22:28,764 That dream wasn't just a goal. 461 00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:31,725 That dream was my way out, 462 00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:34,186 was my, sort of, salvation. 463 00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:37,397 You know, I just wanna interrupt here to say, uh… 464 00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:39,274 You know, I grew up poor. 465 00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:43,528 Having read your story, I… I don't even understand, 466 00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:47,783 uh, poverty like the kind you have experienced. 467 00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:49,993 And what I came away from, the book, 468 00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:54,414 believing is that the shame of it, 469 00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:56,833 the shame of it is actually the worst. 470 00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:59,586 And there is a story that you tell here 471 00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:04,508 about a time where the electricity was off, 472 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:07,219 there was no gas, the pipes were frozen, 473 00:23:07,302 --> 00:23:08,887 you all had all wet the bed. 474 00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:10,931 Everybody is at home, you can't… 475 00:23:11,014 --> 00:23:12,391 There's nowhere you can go. 476 00:23:12,974 --> 00:23:17,479 And your sister, Diane, decided she was gonna go to school. 477 00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:20,774 And she got up and she spit her face and wiped her face and said, 478 00:23:20,857 --> 00:23:22,776 -"I'm going. How do I look?" -Mm-hmm. 479 00:23:22,859 --> 00:23:27,447 And then your mother decided you all were gonna leave to go find heat. 480 00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:28,990 Can you describe that moment? 481 00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:32,744 I just picture all of you walking down the street in your, 482 00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:35,163 you know, shoes and the holes in your shoes. 483 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:38,333 -It's Rhode Island. It's snowing and cold. -Freezing. Mm-hmm. 484 00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:42,921 And the teacher, Mrs. Prosser, comes out and sees you on the road… 485 00:23:43,004 --> 00:23:46,925 And says, "Mrs. Davis, Mrs. Davis, why aren't your kids in school?" 486 00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,136 "They haven't been in school all week." 487 00:23:49,219 --> 00:23:52,222 And my mom says, "We don't have no heat." 488 00:23:52,305 --> 00:23:56,268 "Um, the pipes are frozen, so the water don't even come out." 489 00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:59,771 "And we all really cold, and we don't have no food." 490 00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:03,066 And… and then she, Mrs. Prosser, 491 00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:05,360 who, once again, 492 00:24:06,027 --> 00:24:09,030 you know, one of those people that gives you permission. 493 00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:09,948 Yeah. 494 00:24:10,031 --> 00:24:11,158 Okay. Um… 495 00:24:11,658 --> 00:24:14,244 She had tears in her eyes, 496 00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:16,663 and she was touching our faces, 497 00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:19,207 and she said, "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Davis." 498 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,792 "I'm so, so sorry." 499 00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:24,379 "You let us know whatever we can do, you know, for you." 500 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:25,672 "I'm so sorry." 501 00:24:26,756 --> 00:24:27,883 But, you know, 502 00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:31,386 Mrs. Prosser is interesting. 503 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:35,182 Mrs. Prosser would call me to her office from time to time 504 00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:37,767 with a bag full of the most beautiful clothes 505 00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:40,061 that were hand-me-downs from her daughter. 506 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:43,732 And she would give it to me because she knew I needed clothes, 507 00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:49,404 which by the way, I was like… it was like giving me just some jewels 508 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:50,489 Mm-hmm. 509 00:24:50,572 --> 00:24:53,617 When you are in the face of compassion 510 00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:55,494 and empathy… 511 00:24:55,577 --> 00:24:56,411 Mm-hmm. 512 00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,623 …it's amazing how it kills shame. 513 00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:02,959 Because you're seen. 514 00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:08,632 And you're seen for something way more valuable than your circumstances. 515 00:25:08,715 --> 00:25:09,549 Yeah. 516 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,510 That's why I bring her up. She saw you. 517 00:25:11,593 --> 00:25:13,094 -She actually saw you. -Yeah. 518 00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:16,473 I remember when, I think it was a teacher or a nurse 519 00:25:16,556 --> 00:25:17,432 who had come to… 520 00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:20,602 who had been assigned to speak to you about hygiene 521 00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:23,813 because you were wetting the bed all the time. 522 00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:26,566 So you'd come to school smelling like urine, 523 00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:31,154 and she gave you this lecture about how to go home and clean up yourself, 524 00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:32,697 and you did. 525 00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:37,244 I think that at the end of the day, what I was looking for is love. 526 00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:38,245 Yeah. 527 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:42,207 That sort of radical… power of love. 528 00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:44,668 You have so many beautiful moments like that in here. 529 00:25:44,751 --> 00:25:46,670 I… Do you know why I love that moment so much? 530 00:25:46,753 --> 00:25:49,673 Because I-- Teachers were my saviors. 531 00:25:49,756 --> 00:25:52,133 -Absolutely, my saviors. -Teachers were my saviors. 532 00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:55,512 Like I said, there's power in love. It's radical. 533 00:25:55,595 --> 00:25:58,348 But I can't describe, even in words, 534 00:25:58,431 --> 00:26:01,268 that it was a hard, uh, story to tell 535 00:26:01,351 --> 00:26:05,647 because at the same time, my sister Dolores was also called to the office. 536 00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:09,276 We were both called because we smelled really bad that day. 537 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:10,527 -Mm-hmm. -And-- 538 00:26:10,610 --> 00:26:12,779 Could you smell yourself? Did you know you smelled? 539 00:26:12,862 --> 00:26:14,239 -Yeah. -You did? 540 00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:18,034 -I didn't know what to do about it. -Yeah. 541 00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:21,079 You know, I think that people just automatically assume, 542 00:26:21,162 --> 00:26:22,455 well, you just clean yourself. 543 00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:25,250 -Mm-hmm. -Well, not if anyone doesn't show you. 544 00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:27,544 Once again, going back to the Stevie Wonder song. 545 00:26:27,627 --> 00:26:30,297 "Show me how to do what you do. Show me how to do it." 546 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:31,756 -No one showed me. -Mm-hmm. 547 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,009 And we didn't have any hot water. 548 00:26:34,634 --> 00:26:36,595 A lot of times we didn't have any soap. 549 00:26:36,678 --> 00:26:40,140 A lot of times we didn't even have any clean clothes. 550 00:26:40,223 --> 00:26:44,019 You know, we'd wash the clothes by hand the night before, 551 00:26:44,102 --> 00:26:47,647 hang them up to dry, and try not to hang them outside. 552 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:50,525 Because we'd hang them outside sometimes, but it's cold. 553 00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:52,736 -So, the next day, they're icicles. -They'd freeze. Yes. 554 00:26:52,819 --> 00:26:54,404 So you hang them out to dry, 555 00:26:54,487 --> 00:26:56,823 and the next day, if they're not dry, they're wet. 556 00:26:56,906 --> 00:26:59,784 But then if you're not clean, you're putting on wet clothes… 557 00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,119 It's all the… 558 00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:05,373 People don't realize that if no one shows you, 559 00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:08,001 then you have to figure it out on your own. 560 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:13,548 And I didn't have the tools to figure it… figure it out on my own. 561 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:19,387 And then I was ashamed that I didn't have the tools to figure it out on my own. 562 00:27:19,929 --> 00:27:23,933 So then all I had, all I could do was swim in the shame. 563 00:27:24,017 --> 00:27:26,102 Yes. I love… There's a line that you use. 564 00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:28,480 I think it's on page 89 where you talk about… 565 00:27:28,563 --> 00:27:31,733 You're… People are always saying, "Just do better. Do better." 566 00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:34,611 "Try harder. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps." 567 00:27:34,694 --> 00:27:37,280 But hard to pull yourself up when you don't have a boot. 568 00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:38,907 Absolutely. 569 00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:39,824 Absolutely. 570 00:27:39,908 --> 00:27:45,205 You know it's… it's… it's the vision of what you want in your life. 571 00:27:45,288 --> 00:27:48,333 Right? The… Or the discovery of what you wanna do. 572 00:27:48,416 --> 00:27:51,044 It's a vision of where you wanna end up, 573 00:27:51,127 --> 00:27:55,298 but there's this whole part in between of how to get there. 574 00:27:55,382 --> 00:27:56,383 Hmm. 575 00:27:56,466 --> 00:28:00,720 That whole journey of someone who gives you that rope, 576 00:28:00,804 --> 00:28:03,014 that… that… that sword, 577 00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:04,974 that, you know, 578 00:28:05,642 --> 00:28:08,019 that knife, whatever. 579 00:28:08,103 --> 00:28:11,731 That whole in between is what you have to figure out. 580 00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:14,734 And that was the thing that became rickety. 581 00:28:14,818 --> 00:28:18,947 That I wanted someone to help me figure it out. 582 00:28:19,030 --> 00:28:19,864 Yeah. 583 00:28:20,990 --> 00:28:22,784 And In the midst of all this, 584 00:28:22,867 --> 00:28:24,703 there's also sexual abuse going on in the home. 585 00:28:24,786 --> 00:28:26,329 There's nothing that didn't happen. 586 00:28:26,413 --> 00:28:28,790 -You had sexual abuse. -Yeah. 587 00:28:28,873 --> 00:28:30,875 Violence going on in the home. 588 00:28:30,959 --> 00:28:36,172 You have the tyranny of colorism, sexism, racism. 589 00:28:36,256 --> 00:28:41,010 I was so struck by the fact that your mother's story 590 00:28:41,094 --> 00:28:47,100 that she only went to the 8th grade because she was beaten in school 591 00:28:47,183 --> 00:28:50,645 by the light-skinned teacher for not being light enough. 592 00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:51,563 Mm-hmm. 593 00:28:51,646 --> 00:28:54,607 And that the same thing happened to your sister Diane 594 00:28:54,691 --> 00:28:56,192 when she was in South Carolina. 595 00:28:56,276 --> 00:28:59,529 Beaten by the teachers for not being light enough. 596 00:28:59,612 --> 00:29:02,741 Beaten by Black teachers in a segregated school 597 00:29:02,824 --> 00:29:04,576 for not being light enough. 598 00:29:04,659 --> 00:29:05,702 Absolutely. 599 00:29:06,911 --> 00:29:08,288 You know, I think that… 600 00:29:11,499 --> 00:29:15,587 …failure and hardship is an interesting learning tool. 601 00:29:17,130 --> 00:29:21,092 Because I think that once you hit bottom, 602 00:29:22,135 --> 00:29:25,263 then you either stay there or you figure out how to rise up. 603 00:29:25,346 --> 00:29:26,181 Mm-hmm. 604 00:29:26,723 --> 00:29:31,060 And I think that that's what happened with all of us. 605 00:29:31,144 --> 00:29:33,646 Even my sister Diane back in the day, 606 00:29:33,730 --> 00:29:37,484 and my mom, that you either survive or you don't. 607 00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:40,987 The sisters, you all were your own little army. 608 00:29:41,070 --> 00:29:41,905 Mm-hmm. 609 00:29:41,988 --> 00:29:43,990 Where would you be without your sisters? 610 00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:46,868 -Yeah. -You said you all were your own platoon. 611 00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:48,828 -Yes. Absolutely. -Yeah. Yeah. 612 00:29:48,912 --> 00:29:51,331 And on page 75, you write this about your sisters. 613 00:29:51,414 --> 00:29:53,708 You say, "Some battles we won, 614 00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:56,795 survived together and emerged with laughter and perspective, 615 00:29:56,878 --> 00:29:59,506 and some brutal ones, sexual abuse, we lost." 616 00:29:59,589 --> 00:30:03,009 "Sexual abuse back in the day didn't even have a name." 617 00:30:03,092 --> 00:30:04,177 No, it didn't. 618 00:30:04,260 --> 00:30:07,222 It's just, you know, that dirty old man on the street, 619 00:30:07,305 --> 00:30:11,100 you know, who wanted to give you a quarter, but then wanted a kiss. 620 00:30:11,184 --> 00:30:12,018 Mm-hmm. 621 00:30:12,101 --> 00:30:15,104 No one knows what boundaries are with little girls, 622 00:30:15,188 --> 00:30:16,981 especially back in the day. 623 00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:20,193 So, if a… a guy said, you know, "Give me a kiss." 624 00:30:20,276 --> 00:30:23,363 Someone said, "Oh, give him a kiss. It's not a big deal." 625 00:30:23,446 --> 00:30:26,282 Or someone leaves you with a male babysitter 626 00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:29,285 because that male babysitter is a friend of the family. 627 00:30:29,369 --> 00:30:32,247 And then your parents go out and they leave you alone. 628 00:30:32,330 --> 00:30:33,957 They don't think anything of it. 629 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,292 You know, we didn't have social media back in the day 630 00:30:36,376 --> 00:30:41,172 where people would talk about statistics of how many girls are molested-- 631 00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:44,884 That's right. Wasn't even… wasn't even… wasn't even a word for it. 632 00:30:44,968 --> 00:30:47,303 But I think what you've done in this book 633 00:30:47,387 --> 00:30:51,391 is revealed a part of yourself that is really a part of us all. 634 00:30:51,474 --> 00:30:52,308 Yeah. 635 00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:54,686 Every person who's struggling for self-love, 636 00:30:54,769 --> 00:30:59,023 and I just so appreciate you being honest enough to be able to say 637 00:30:59,107 --> 00:31:01,484 that when you were first on stage, 638 00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:05,029 and you would get the adulation and the applause, 639 00:31:05,113 --> 00:31:09,826 and the people saying, "I'm so moved by what you've done and what you acted," 640 00:31:09,909 --> 00:31:10,952 that you… 641 00:31:11,035 --> 00:31:14,455 At first, you are satiated by that, for a moment, 642 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:19,252 but then you come to recognize that that really has nothing to do with self-love, 643 00:31:19,335 --> 00:31:23,798 and actually begins to create this feeling of being an impostor. 644 00:31:23,882 --> 00:31:24,841 Absolutely. 645 00:31:25,633 --> 00:31:29,262 You feel, first of all, you feel an impostor in your work. 646 00:31:29,345 --> 00:31:31,556 I didn't wanna feel the impostor in my life. 647 00:31:31,639 --> 00:31:35,101 I would think this book is my gift to others. 648 00:31:35,184 --> 00:31:36,019 Yes. 649 00:31:36,102 --> 00:31:39,105 I felt like it was, uh… it was a sort of… 650 00:31:39,188 --> 00:31:41,024 It was a gift to yourself. 651 00:31:41,107 --> 00:31:44,527 It was a releasing for yourself, but… and in that releasing, 652 00:31:44,611 --> 00:31:47,572 all the other people are gonna be so served by this story. 653 00:31:47,655 --> 00:31:49,032 -I hope so. -Yeah. 654 00:31:49,115 --> 00:31:51,492 It's my way of owning my story. 655 00:31:51,576 --> 00:31:55,538 It's my way of not, sort of, sweeping it under the rug 656 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,875 and creating this other image of me 657 00:31:58,958 --> 00:32:02,045 because I feel like in creating this different image, 658 00:32:02,128 --> 00:32:06,382 it's proving to those boys that I actually was all those things… 659 00:32:06,883 --> 00:32:08,301 That they tried to call you. 660 00:32:08,384 --> 00:32:10,011 -Absolutely. -That they called you. 661 00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:11,596 Or tried to make you believe. 662 00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:13,556 And that you believed for such a long time. 663 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,266 Yes. Yeah. 664 00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:18,770 I would have to say what I came away from Finding Me, 665 00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:23,358 thinking I dis-- discovered anew about you 666 00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:27,654 is that you have this indomitable courage. 667 00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:28,613 It's courage. 668 00:32:28,696 --> 00:32:30,657 You know Maya used to always say, 669 00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:33,368 "Courage is the most important of the virtues 670 00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:36,037 because without it, you cannot practice anything." 671 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:41,125 And in here, Finding Me, you talk about courage is the real cure. 672 00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:44,128 So there was a… there was a point in your life 673 00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:48,091 where you had decided that you were just gonna be a teacher, 674 00:32:48,174 --> 00:32:51,135 and you were not gonna act, even though you loved it… you loved it. 675 00:32:51,219 --> 00:32:55,014 And share with everyone how you started to feel depressed. 676 00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:57,141 There was a sadness that came over you 677 00:32:57,225 --> 00:33:00,979 because you were not doing the thing that you knew you needed to do. 678 00:33:01,062 --> 00:33:04,482 Yeah, when I went to college, when I first entered college, 679 00:33:04,565 --> 00:33:06,567 um, I said I can't major in theater. 680 00:33:06,651 --> 00:33:09,445 That is not a profession that can pay the bills. 681 00:33:09,529 --> 00:33:11,406 And I really needed to pay my bills. 682 00:33:11,489 --> 00:33:13,700 -Yeah. -'Cause I did not wanna be on welfare. 683 00:33:13,783 --> 00:33:17,996 I wanted to not be what my… what I felt my parents were. 684 00:33:18,079 --> 00:33:18,913 Yeah. 685 00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:21,082 And so then I fell into a great depression 686 00:33:21,165 --> 00:33:23,668 in denying that creative spirit in me 687 00:33:23,751 --> 00:33:26,004 until I think my sister Dolores said, 688 00:33:26,087 --> 00:33:28,631 "Why aren't you majoring in theater, Viola?" 689 00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:33,302 And I said, "Because I can't make any money doing that, Dolores." 690 00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:36,639 She said, "But that's what you love to do. That's who you are." 691 00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:39,183 And, you know, what you begin to understand 692 00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:42,020 is that whole Anne Lamott quote, which is, 693 00:33:42,729 --> 00:33:46,566 "All courage is, is fear said with prayers." 694 00:33:46,649 --> 00:33:47,567 Mm. 695 00:33:47,650 --> 00:33:48,484 That… 696 00:33:48,985 --> 00:33:52,238 I understood that the fear was not gonna go away. 697 00:33:53,614 --> 00:33:56,200 That, "Viola, there is a huge chance 698 00:33:56,284 --> 00:34:00,538 that maybe it's not gonna land, and it's not gonna work, 699 00:34:01,497 --> 00:34:03,791 but dangonnit, it's worth the try." 700 00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:05,209 Dangonnit. 701 00:34:05,293 --> 00:34:06,669 -You know? -Yes. 702 00:34:06,753 --> 00:34:07,587 Yeah. 703 00:34:08,087 --> 00:34:11,299 Viola electrified the stages of Rhode Island College, 704 00:34:11,382 --> 00:34:14,385 graduating in 1988 with a degree in theater. 705 00:34:14,969 --> 00:34:19,098 Because she could only afford just one application fee for graduate school, 706 00:34:19,182 --> 00:34:22,268 she auditioned for one of the most prestigious programs, 707 00:34:22,351 --> 00:34:24,812 Juilliard, and got in. 708 00:34:25,688 --> 00:34:28,149 Three years after graduating from Juilliard, 709 00:34:28,232 --> 00:34:32,945 Viola made her Broadway debut in August Wilson's, Seven Guitars. 710 00:34:33,029 --> 00:34:36,908 Her rave reviews put her on the next path to television and movies. 711 00:34:36,991 --> 00:34:38,242 What's your name? 712 00:34:38,326 --> 00:34:42,205 It's got nothing to do with me, but that offer, he was a part of it. 713 00:34:43,331 --> 00:34:46,084 When did you realize, Viola, 714 00:34:46,167 --> 00:34:52,924 that being on stage or acting was the path to healing for you? 715 00:34:55,009 --> 00:34:57,011 Oh, the minute I started doing it. 716 00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:02,934 The minute I did the first skit when I was nine years old, I realized 717 00:35:04,227 --> 00:35:06,562 it had the ability to heal me. 718 00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:09,273 All the things I couldn't express in my life, 719 00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:12,527 if I expressed it on stage would be celebrated. 720 00:35:12,610 --> 00:35:13,444 Mm. 721 00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:16,781 You play a character who's a runaway 722 00:35:16,864 --> 00:35:20,451 who has trauma from parents, 723 00:35:20,535 --> 00:35:25,957 and you expressed all of that onstage in a way that was honest and truthful, 724 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,626 then the audience celebrates it. 725 00:35:28,709 --> 00:35:32,130 They celebrate seeing that level of humanity, 726 00:35:32,213 --> 00:35:36,634 and you can't express that in your real life. 727 00:35:36,717 --> 00:35:39,595 Oh, you can, but you risk being shamed. 728 00:35:40,721 --> 00:35:43,474 So from the moment I started doing skits, 729 00:35:43,558 --> 00:35:46,477 I felt like whatever I can't express in my life, 730 00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:48,187 I could do it in a character. 731 00:35:48,688 --> 00:35:49,522 Mm. 732 00:35:50,481 --> 00:35:55,194 I wanna just rip open what it means to be a human being 733 00:35:55,278 --> 00:36:00,408 and show it to you in all its ugliness, beauty, contradictions, and complexity. 734 00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:05,580 In that way, I think that's what saved my life. 735 00:36:05,663 --> 00:36:07,206 That's what healed me. 736 00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:13,754 It was my conduit of being able to take all the trauma, all the spew, everything, 737 00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:17,550 and feed it through that vacuum of these characters 738 00:36:18,050 --> 00:36:19,218 and give it to you. 739 00:36:20,887 --> 00:36:22,430 Re-- recreated. 740 00:36:22,513 --> 00:36:25,516 'Cause one of the things that you say is that, 741 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:26,934 "I'm not here…" 742 00:36:27,018 --> 00:36:29,437 "I-I'm not here to create some fantasy." 743 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:33,608 Your job, as you see it as an actor, is to show us to ourselves. 744 00:36:33,691 --> 00:36:35,359 -Absolutely. -Yeah. 745 00:36:35,443 --> 00:36:36,444 Absolutely. 746 00:36:36,527 --> 00:36:39,447 -And not the politically correct self. -Yeah. 747 00:36:39,530 --> 00:36:42,033 Don’t you think it ever crossed my mind to want to know other men? 748 00:36:42,116 --> 00:36:46,287 That I wanted to lay up somewhere and forget about my responsibilities? 749 00:36:46,370 --> 00:36:49,749 That I wanted someone to make me laugh so I can feel good? 750 00:36:49,832 --> 00:36:52,418 Those stories that nobody wants to tell. 751 00:36:52,501 --> 00:36:53,920 But I held on to you, Troy. 752 00:36:54,462 --> 00:36:58,758 I took all my feelings, my wants and needs and dreams, 753 00:36:58,841 --> 00:37:00,843 and I buried them inside you… 754 00:37:00,927 --> 00:37:01,761 You know-- 755 00:37:01,844 --> 00:37:05,139 That's why you let snot run with Rose, when the snot was running. 756 00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:09,602 That's why when the snot was running in Fences you just say, 757 00:37:09,685 --> 00:37:12,855 "That's what's happening with Rose. I'm gonna let it roll." Right? 758 00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:17,443 Absolutely. I think everybody moves through life fighting to be seen. 759 00:37:17,944 --> 00:37:21,072 Sometimes even by themselves, to themselves. 760 00:37:21,948 --> 00:37:25,952 And the bravery for an actor is to look at a moment. 761 00:37:26,035 --> 00:37:28,746 I did it with How To Get Away With Murder. 762 00:37:28,829 --> 00:37:30,456 I said, "Listen, 763 00:37:30,539 --> 00:37:32,041 I'm getting ready for bed." 764 00:37:32,124 --> 00:37:34,252 "My husband is cheating on me." 765 00:37:34,335 --> 00:37:36,712 -I mean, it's a melodrama. Right? -Yes. 766 00:37:36,796 --> 00:37:39,006 So I can make a choice in this moment 767 00:37:39,715 --> 00:37:41,217 of doing the TV thing, 768 00:37:41,300 --> 00:37:47,556 which is to keep my beautiful hair weave and wig and my makeup 769 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,851 and just turn around and give him that one-line zinger, 770 00:37:51,394 --> 00:37:54,981 or I can inject something in here. 771 00:37:55,064 --> 00:37:59,652 Something that every woman who's sitting there on their couch 772 00:37:59,735 --> 00:38:04,490 with the retainers, and their rollers, and no makeup-- 773 00:38:04,573 --> 00:38:06,867 -In our socks. Yeah. -And, you know, in socks… 774 00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:12,123 can look at this and somehow feel some level of connection to this story. 775 00:38:12,915 --> 00:38:14,542 So let me take the wig off. 776 00:38:15,918 --> 00:38:18,754 Let me take the makeup off because in doing that, 777 00:38:18,838 --> 00:38:22,508 what I'm presenting you with is not the character of Annalise, 778 00:38:22,591 --> 00:38:24,302 but the woman that is Annalise. 779 00:38:24,385 --> 00:38:25,219 Wow. 780 00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:29,473 And I read that it was you who insisted that that happen in that scene. 781 00:38:29,557 --> 00:38:31,350 -Yes, it was. -Yes. 782 00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:36,230 What you wrote is, "Annalise Keating released in me the obstacles blocking me 783 00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:40,192 from realizing my worth and power as a woman." 784 00:38:40,276 --> 00:38:44,071 "If I were to mark the first time I fully used my voice, 785 00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:46,198 it was in How to Get Away with Murder." 786 00:38:46,282 --> 00:38:48,200 "That role liberated me." 787 00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:52,455 What was it about Annalise that helped you step into your full power? 788 00:38:52,538 --> 00:38:56,375 Because she was all the things that people said, not only I wasn't, 789 00:38:56,459 --> 00:38:58,461 but people who look like me weren't. 790 00:38:58,961 --> 00:39:00,046 You're not sexual. 791 00:39:00,129 --> 00:39:02,173 No one's gonna find you attractive. 792 00:39:02,256 --> 00:39:03,883 You're probably not having sex 793 00:39:03,966 --> 00:39:06,594 'cause who would wanna… who would, um, desire you? 794 00:39:06,677 --> 00:39:09,221 This was happening… this was nine years ago. 795 00:39:09,305 --> 00:39:11,432 So people were saying that nine years ago? 796 00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,934 Absolutely. I always… 797 00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:15,770 Yes, they were. 798 00:39:16,479 --> 00:39:17,355 And… 799 00:39:18,105 --> 00:39:22,693 And that's why it was liberating because it absolutely is not true. 800 00:39:22,777 --> 00:39:23,819 Listen, 801 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,280 just a fantasy of mine, 802 00:39:26,364 --> 00:39:30,451 that there is any number of people who are sitting at home 803 00:39:30,534 --> 00:39:33,621 waiting to be a part of the story. 804 00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:35,373 To see themselves. 805 00:39:35,456 --> 00:39:38,084 To feel some level of validation. 806 00:39:38,167 --> 00:39:43,214 And I felt that Annalise was a perfect way for me to be able to do that. 807 00:39:43,297 --> 00:39:47,259 Okay. I wanna get to… to Julius because he's such a… 808 00:39:47,343 --> 00:39:48,803 has been such a… 809 00:39:48,886 --> 00:39:50,846 He changed your whole life. Everything changed. 810 00:39:50,930 --> 00:39:53,724 So let's get to the story where you… 811 00:39:53,808 --> 00:39:55,810 You were talking to a friend and you said, 812 00:39:55,893 --> 00:39:59,814 "I can't believe I… I keep running into all these assholes." 813 00:39:59,897 --> 00:40:03,234 And she said, "Well, maybe you should look at yourself." 814 00:40:03,317 --> 00:40:04,443 -Yeah. -Right? 815 00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:09,698 And then you had a friend who told you to go home and pray for who you wanted. 816 00:40:09,782 --> 00:40:11,659 -Mm-hmm. -The kind of man you wanted. 817 00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:15,079 And you actually got on your knees and you asked God for… 818 00:40:15,621 --> 00:40:17,915 A big Black man. I said because he said, 819 00:40:17,998 --> 00:40:19,375 "Viola, even… 820 00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:23,421 He said, "Even the vacuous stuff. Just put it all in there." 821 00:40:23,504 --> 00:40:24,964 "Looks, everything." 822 00:40:25,047 --> 00:40:28,384 I said, "Really? With God? I got to tell him that." 823 00:40:28,467 --> 00:40:31,095 He's like, "Yes. You gotta put it all out there." 824 00:40:31,178 --> 00:40:33,264 He was like, "Be careful." 825 00:40:33,347 --> 00:40:35,349 And I went I got on my knees, 826 00:40:36,350 --> 00:40:37,184 and I did. 827 00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:40,312 I said, "I want a big Black man from the south 828 00:40:40,396 --> 00:40:43,065 who's probably been married before, has kids, 829 00:40:43,149 --> 00:40:45,734 'cause I don't want any pressure in that department. 830 00:40:45,818 --> 00:40:49,530 Someone who's maybe been an actor who understands the artistic community. 831 00:40:49,613 --> 00:40:52,450 Someone who goes to church and loves God. 832 00:40:52,533 --> 00:40:55,369 I said, "If you give me that, I'll start going to church, God." 833 00:40:55,453 --> 00:40:56,537 "I really will." 834 00:40:56,620 --> 00:40:59,915 "I… I'm… I'm committed to it." 835 00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:03,961 And then I signed off just like writing a letter. 836 00:41:04,044 --> 00:41:08,841 And three and a half weeks later, I met Julius from Texas. 837 00:41:08,924 --> 00:41:12,178 Ex-football player, 'cause actually that's one of the things I put on-- 838 00:41:12,261 --> 00:41:15,389 -You asked for a football player. -A football player. Athlete. 839 00:41:15,890 --> 00:41:17,892 Ex- football player, been married. 840 00:41:17,975 --> 00:41:19,810 Raised his children on his own. 841 00:41:19,894 --> 00:41:20,853 Was an actor. 842 00:41:21,687 --> 00:41:23,189 Invited me to church. 843 00:41:25,691 --> 00:41:26,734 And, um, 844 00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:29,445 I thought to myself, 845 00:41:30,279 --> 00:41:31,197 "Whoa." 846 00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:36,160 Did you know immediately that he is what you'd prayed for? 847 00:41:36,243 --> 00:41:37,995 -Yeah! -You did? 848 00:41:39,872 --> 00:41:41,916 I went home. I was amazed. 849 00:41:41,999 --> 00:41:43,792 I started calling. 850 00:41:43,876 --> 00:41:46,212 Especially… My friend Patrice, especially. 851 00:41:46,295 --> 00:41:47,713 I said, "Patrice." 852 00:41:47,796 --> 00:41:49,131 "I met a man." 853 00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:52,384 And she said, "Girl no." I said, "Yeah." 854 00:41:53,385 --> 00:41:55,387 "I really think I met somebody." 855 00:41:55,471 --> 00:41:59,683 And then I made the connection with her too. I told her everything. 856 00:42:01,143 --> 00:42:03,437 I was shocked. Sort of like magic. 857 00:42:04,980 --> 00:42:06,857 Um, yeah. 858 00:42:06,941 --> 00:42:08,442 Your life hasn't been the same 859 00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:13,656 since the two of you actually became bonded together. 860 00:42:13,739 --> 00:42:15,741 It has not been the same. 861 00:42:15,824 --> 00:42:18,035 That's why this book is so important. 862 00:42:18,118 --> 00:42:20,996 I called up Gayle. I go, "You need to do what Viola did." 863 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:22,831 "You need to get down on your knees." 864 00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:24,959 "You need to pray and ask for what you want." 865 00:42:25,042 --> 00:42:29,838 But also looking for the kind of life he has led before you. 866 00:42:29,922 --> 00:42:34,009 I was in therapy at the time, and I remember my therapist just saying, 867 00:42:34,093 --> 00:42:36,095 "Viola, find someone who loves you." 868 00:42:37,346 --> 00:42:39,181 "Just find someone who loves you." 869 00:42:39,848 --> 00:42:41,934 And I remember saying that to Julius too. 870 00:42:42,017 --> 00:42:43,227 "I'm just looking for someone 871 00:42:43,310 --> 00:42:45,563 who'd just lay down their life for me, that loves me." 872 00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:47,439 He's like, "I love you." 873 00:42:49,525 --> 00:42:54,071 And I remember we both stopped, and I looked at him, and he looked at me. 874 00:42:54,572 --> 00:42:56,115 -Aw. -You know? 875 00:42:56,198 --> 00:42:59,868 He was like, "I'm all those things, V. I am." 876 00:43:00,619 --> 00:43:04,415 And then we… we made something to eat like we'd usually do. 877 00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:08,586 You say there are moments in your life that absolutely live up to the hype. 878 00:43:08,669 --> 00:43:13,007 And one of those moments certainly was the adoption of Genesis. 879 00:43:14,717 --> 00:43:16,594 How did it change you as a woman? 880 00:43:18,387 --> 00:43:21,223 In 2011, Viola and her husband, Julius, 881 00:43:21,307 --> 00:43:24,476 adopted a baby girl who was living in foster care 882 00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:27,021 in Viola's home state of Rhode Island. 883 00:43:27,855 --> 00:43:29,690 They named her "Genesis." 884 00:43:29,773 --> 00:43:32,359 Today Genesis is 11. 885 00:43:33,694 --> 00:43:35,529 Oh man, Genesis. 886 00:43:37,197 --> 00:43:40,326 You know, to live for something bigger than yourself. 887 00:43:42,870 --> 00:43:44,913 I mean, that's what it was. 888 00:43:45,789 --> 00:43:49,877 The first time she looked at me and squeezed me 889 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:53,672 and made me believe that I could be her mom, 890 00:43:54,340 --> 00:43:56,050 and I could mother her and… 891 00:43:57,426 --> 00:44:02,056 And that, sort of, just really pure love that only children can give you. 892 00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:03,015 Mm-hmm. 893 00:44:03,098 --> 00:44:04,516 And I'll tell you one thing. 894 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,603 All of the tools you need to raise a little girl, 895 00:44:07,686 --> 00:44:09,938 the affirmations, all those things, 896 00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:11,982 while you're doing that, you're healing yourself. 897 00:44:12,066 --> 00:44:13,776 Yeah. My next question is, 898 00:44:13,859 --> 00:44:18,489 how have you navigated raising a daughter 899 00:44:18,572 --> 00:44:21,283 when you never got what you needed 900 00:44:21,367 --> 00:44:23,202 when you were being raised? 901 00:44:23,702 --> 00:44:26,455 It's my opportunity to be able to do that. 902 00:44:26,538 --> 00:44:29,124 And so does it feel like giving that back to yourself? 903 00:44:29,208 --> 00:44:30,751 -Absolutely. -Yes. 904 00:44:30,834 --> 00:44:33,587 Little Viola is always running around. 905 00:44:33,671 --> 00:44:34,505 Mm-hmm. 906 00:44:34,588 --> 00:44:36,548 You know, sort of guiding me. 907 00:44:37,049 --> 00:44:42,179 Yeah. And also Genesis being very different from who I am 908 00:44:42,262 --> 00:44:46,392 is helping me also see myself in a different way. 909 00:44:46,475 --> 00:44:49,561 You wrote this on social media about your own mother, May Alice. 910 00:44:49,645 --> 00:44:52,981 You said, "This is the woman who birthed me, loves me, and would die for me." 911 00:44:53,065 --> 00:44:57,027 "Our bond runs deeper than anything man-made or given." 912 00:44:57,111 --> 00:44:59,238 "No one can love you like your mama loves you." 913 00:44:59,321 --> 00:45:01,198 "Not even the love of your life." 914 00:45:01,281 --> 00:45:03,742 So what did you learn from your own mother 915 00:45:03,826 --> 00:45:08,539 that you have now been able to pass on and transfer to Genesis? 916 00:45:09,915 --> 00:45:13,919 Number one, that I believe my mom did the best she could with what she knew. 917 00:45:14,002 --> 00:45:14,920 Mm. 918 00:45:16,171 --> 00:45:17,131 And also, 919 00:45:17,631 --> 00:45:21,385 my mom is very smart. 920 00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:26,223 My mom sees people and she sees through people. 921 00:45:26,765 --> 00:45:29,143 Oh, she could read them, right? She's one who can read them. 922 00:45:29,226 --> 00:45:31,019 -Yeah. -She could read 'em. Yeah. 923 00:45:31,103 --> 00:45:32,271 I appreciate that. 924 00:45:32,354 --> 00:45:35,691 Yeah. When I talk to you about Ma Rainey's Black Bottom, 925 00:45:35,774 --> 00:45:39,737 You said, one of the ways you go into examining a character, 926 00:45:39,820 --> 00:45:41,572 one of the many ways, 927 00:45:41,655 --> 00:45:45,659 is by asking, "What is this character living for?" 928 00:45:45,743 --> 00:45:46,577 Yeah. 929 00:45:46,660 --> 00:45:49,997 So I end our conversation today with, 930 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:55,794 what are you, Viola Davis, now living for? 931 00:45:56,837 --> 00:46:00,799 First of all, I'm living for my peace and my joy. 932 00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:01,800 Mm. 933 00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:05,304 I am. 934 00:46:06,096 --> 00:46:08,098 I wanna be happy in my life. 935 00:46:10,142 --> 00:46:12,644 And I know happiness is a journey. 936 00:46:13,145 --> 00:46:14,354 It's not a destination. 937 00:46:14,438 --> 00:46:16,315 I know it's speckled with bad, 938 00:46:16,398 --> 00:46:20,444 but I wanna feel some level of peace and joy in my life. 939 00:46:22,154 --> 00:46:23,113 Absolutely. 940 00:46:23,614 --> 00:46:25,699 To help people to live better. 941 00:46:25,783 --> 00:46:27,075 Absolutely. 942 00:46:27,159 --> 00:46:28,243 You have done that. 943 00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:31,205 In finding yourself, you've helped all of us 944 00:46:31,288 --> 00:46:34,458 who hear your story, who read your story, 945 00:46:34,541 --> 00:46:36,627 who see you be the light you are… 946 00:46:36,710 --> 00:46:38,796 -Thank you. -…find a part of ourselves. 947 00:46:38,879 --> 00:46:40,088 And I thank you so much. 948 00:46:40,172 --> 00:46:42,716 I'm so excited for people to read Finding Me. 949 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:44,635 It is astonishing 950 00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:46,720 what you have been able to endure. 951 00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:50,641 And for us to see you to come into this other side of yourself, 952 00:46:51,141 --> 00:46:55,229 makes it possible for us to believe it's possible for ourselves. 953 00:46:55,312 --> 00:46:56,480 So, thank you. 954 00:46:56,563 --> 00:46:59,066 -Thank you, Oprah. -Thank you, Viola. 955 00:46:59,149 --> 00:47:02,861 I just wanna say to you all, Finding Me is available on April 26th, 956 00:47:02,945 --> 00:47:04,530 wherever books are sold. 957 00:47:04,613 --> 00:47:05,531 And the audio book too. 958 00:47:05,614 --> 00:47:09,117 Viola in her world-famous Viola voice… 959 00:47:09,201 --> 00:47:13,121 …reads her own story that you all need to hear. 960 00:47:13,205 --> 00:47:14,957 So I hope you'll get a book. 961 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,376 And when you get it, buy one for a friend, 962 00:47:17,459 --> 00:47:19,711 'cause you're gonna want to talk about it with a friend. 963 00:47:19,795 --> 00:47:21,547 That's what I did with Gayle. 964 00:47:21,630 --> 00:47:24,591 I got it, and then Gayle's like, "Well, send me a copy." 965 00:47:24,675 --> 00:47:26,760 So get it, and then get one for a friend. 966 00:47:27,261 --> 00:47:28,345 Yeah. Thank you.