1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,400 This programme contains struggles with gambling and addiction. 2 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,240 BIRDSONG 3 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,960 People know me as ex-England and Arsenal footballer. 4 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,840 Oh, cheers, Paul. Is that all right? Thank you. Pleasure. 5 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:19,960 But in more recent years, 6 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,840 with my struggles with drinking and gambling. 7 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,520 DOG BARKS 8 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:24,560 Hiya, morning. 9 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:31,200 A short time ago, I was asked to take a walk in Yorkshire. 10 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,440 A beautiful spot close to where I once lived. 11 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:39,480 Sounded great. A walk in the park. 12 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:43,080 But what happened and what I discovered surprised me 13 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,760 and will stay with me for the rest of my life. 14 00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:58,800 Beautiful morning. 15 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,360 This is unreal. 16 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,520 You know, the wealthiest people in the world are 17 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,000 the people that live in the moment. 18 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:21,320 Cos so many people worry about yesterday and tomorrow 19 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:24,000 and it's all about today, 20 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,920 and just taking this kind of stuff in. 21 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,400 It just passes us by every day really, this kind of stuff. 22 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,120 How times change. 23 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,560 A few years back, I was just getting in now. 24 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,520 I mean, the sound I used to hear every morning was the rattling 25 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,280 of the milk bottles when I was just getting in, going to bed. 26 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,520 To stand here four, five, six years ago 27 00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:59,720 and I wouldn't have been able to see any of this. 28 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,520 And now, being in the present, 29 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:09,960 being in the moment, it's just amazing, absolutely beautiful. 30 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,240 Starting above Lastingham in 31 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,120 the North York Moors, I'll pass through the village 32 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,960 and head west along Spaunton Moor to Hutton-le-Hole, 33 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,520 a quirky Yorkshire village with a rich heritage. 34 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,840 Then onwards and upwards to The Nab 35 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,800 and across Douthwaite Dale, before finishing at 36 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,600 the surprise view in Gillamoor. 37 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:42,120 Although I'm walking by myself, I'm carrying this camera on 38 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:46,480 a selfie stick, which films me and everything around me. 39 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,120 RAIN PATTERS 40 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,600 I don't mind this weather. 41 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,000 I can't believe how quickly the clouds have come 42 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,200 straight over from over the hills there. 43 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,720 It's nice to be out. 44 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,640 I am a morning person - I do, 45 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:16,000 I do like getting up early in the mornings, 46 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,760 but I don't get to go on these kind of walks. 47 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,520 I've got a one-year-old, 48 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,120 a four-year-old and a seven-year-old, 49 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,680 so when the kids get up in the morning, 50 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,360 a couple of cups of coffee 51 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,960 and just have a little 15 minutes on my own before 52 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,480 the manic starts at home before school. 53 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,840 And then, try and get a walk with my wife, Kate, 54 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,680 and the baby. 55 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:49,640 But that's through the town where we live and we try 56 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,200 and do a couple of miles a day if we can. 57 00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:00,480 But it's nothing like this, I mean, this is absolutely amazing. 58 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,280 I don't know what they call that stuff, but you don't 59 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,960 want to get on that in a golf course. 60 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,120 What you find strange is that I can hear 61 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,080 the rain hitting my jacket. 62 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,880 At home, when we're walking, you don't really hear that 63 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:34,560 cos of the cars and the traffic and, and the hustle and bustle. 64 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,720 See how quiet it is and serene. 65 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,880 It's so nice to be out here today 66 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:54,000 and living in the moment. Being present. 67 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,160 I haven't had it too much in my life, if I'm being honest. 68 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,600 You know, nearly 54 and, 69 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,880 and today, I've, at this moment I have that. 70 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,960 To have that calmness is something that I've searched 71 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,640 for all my life really. 72 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:13,280 You know, even I can feel 73 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:17,960 the rain whacking against my face now and it's nice. It's nice. 74 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,920 Uh... 75 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,880 Right. Let me see how I'm going to do this. 76 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,640 SPLASH 77 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,640 Oh, no! 78 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,320 No, Paul. 79 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,080 Right. Here we go. 80 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:56,120 # One... One, two, three One, two, three, four, five 81 00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:00,440 # Six, seven, eight Nine, ten 82 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:04,120 # Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. # 83 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,960 Argh! Aargh! 84 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,880 HE LAUGHS 85 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,520 See, that's what happens when you get 86 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,840 the London boy walking in the countryside. 87 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:30,080 But, all OK. 88 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:34,200 Oh! 89 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:34,200 HE SIGHS 90 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:39,960 Right. Composure. 91 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:39,960 HE LAUGHS 92 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,640 You've got to laugh at yourself. 93 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,200 If you don't laugh at yourself, you've got no chance. 94 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,160 You know I have eight, I have eight children. 95 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,120 I've been married three times, you know, through addictions. 96 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,160 I used to think I was a... 97 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,720 I always thought of myself as a good dad. 98 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,920 You know, I think the kids would say, "My dad, he tries his hardest." 99 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,720 I wasn't a great husband. 100 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,520 I'm just learning to be a, 101 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,160 a good husband now, if I'm being honest, 102 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:19,680 where you meet halfway. 103 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:27,000 Every day I do try my hardest 104 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,000 and that's only cos of my addictions 105 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,320 and what it's done to my head really. 106 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,600 I was a very nervous kid. 107 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:43,040 I struggled with attachment really, always wanting to be with my dad. 108 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,080 I got very nervous on a football pitch. 109 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,840 Nowadays, I think we'd say it was anxiety, which, 110 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,480 probably in them days, wasn't really used as a word. 111 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,320 I went to the doctor's one day and my mum said, 112 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,680 "He keeps on getting palpitations and can't breathe." 113 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,480 The doctor just said straight away "Stop playing football." 114 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,640 And I carried on playing, I'd become to cope with that, 115 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:11,760 and then I found gambling and drinking and... 116 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,560 it just took me into a different world really. 117 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,000 Give me confidence, belief, 118 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,080 took away my worry, for the moment. 119 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,680 I mean, there's a bull in this field, I mean... 120 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,880 ..I've got a red rucksack on and that's a bull. 121 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,600 I played football, 122 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,880 I'm not the bravest, I'm not going to lie. 123 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,000 I never bet to win lorry-loads of money really. 124 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:02,480 I thought I did but...it just took me out the way I felt 125 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:06,600 and that carried on and then, you start drinking 126 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,680 and gambling and then, all of a sudden, you finish, 127 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:13,120 you don't come home, you let people down round you. 128 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,800 You let everybody down. 129 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,480 And then, you lose that self-worth, you know, 130 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,560 your respect and then, you hate yourself. 131 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,840 Uh... 132 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,280 Yeah, and, and then, you know what? 133 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:37,040 You think, I don't want to feel like this. 134 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:40,080 I don't want to feel worthless, you know, and lose my respect. 135 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,600 And then you think, right, what can I do? And you go, 136 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,080 you know what I do. 137 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,560 I go and have a drink and a bet again cos that 138 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,400 takes me out the way I feel. 139 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:52,600 And it's just a spiral. 140 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,520 It's just a spiral, it's just...constant. 141 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:16,120 For all the money that you lose in gambling, 142 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,480 it's not the money, you know, it's, it's time. 143 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,840 You lose time. You know, 144 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,760 you miss out on things like this, you know, I've... 145 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,760 You know, I, I see things now. 146 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,360 I never used to see things 147 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,480 and I don't think people understand that when you're in addictions. 148 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:33,640 You don't see stuff. 149 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:37,840 It's like...I see everything around me today, 150 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,160 I'm aware. 151 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,200 You know, I have a big tree in our garden 152 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,800 and I've only just realised now 153 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:50,000 that the leaves on the tree change colours, 154 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,160 and I'd never, ever seen that. 155 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:55,960 And if you see our garden, you'd go, "That's impossible." 156 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:02,200 Addiction took me away from this kind of stuff. 157 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,320 And this is the first time I've ever, ever done this, 158 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,000 walked in the big countryside. 159 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,080 BIRDSONG 160 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,440 Birds singing, serene. 161 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,720 HORSES CLOP, LADIES CHATTER 162 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,520 Morning. Morning. Morning. 163 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,960 Oh, it's come alive, this little village. 164 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,080 You're seeing people around now, all getting out at 165 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,160 the morning. Chatting away, 166 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,720 probably everybody knows each other. 167 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,720 BIRDSONG 168 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,960 It's a lot of things coming back now, like, 169 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:33,080 father-in-law passed away not long ago and... 170 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,560 you know, and it not really sunk in, if I'm being honest. 171 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:39,120 And my wife has definitely, course, it's her dad, but... 172 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,840 he was a good man and... 173 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,040 Well, a great man, not a good man, a great man. 174 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,920 GATE SQUEAKS 175 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,920 And just coming 176 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,640 and walking now... 177 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:55,760 ..really hitting home... that he's gone. 178 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:06,960 Sometimes...I can be a bit... a bit cold. 179 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,760 That's what my addictions has done to me really. 180 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,480 And it's just hitting home being here, 181 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,800 not with the hustle and bustle and, 182 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:21,240 and being able to... 183 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:21,240 GATE CLANGS 184 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,680 really...sit 185 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:28,680 with my feelings, which I don't really usually get to do. 186 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,840 Just...I should be there for my wife a lot more. 187 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,160 Welcome to St Mary's. It's a lovely morning now. 188 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,000 It's absolutely beautiful out, yeah. 189 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,960 Are you OK? You having a good morning? Uh, well, 190 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,960 we're going to have a service at about quarter to 11, 191 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,160 but plenty of time for you to wander around. Brilliant. 192 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,440 Can I sit down for five minutes and just...? 193 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,160 Of course you can. Sit wherever you like. Thank you very much. 194 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,240 It's nice to have peace and quiet in church. 195 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:58,440 I know, yeah. Thank you. 196 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:12,600 Yeah, and I just... Addiction makes you cold. 197 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,760 Looking back now, I haven't, I haven't really...had, 198 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,760 hadn't had death in the family. Thank God my mum 199 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,760 and dad are still alive, and my brothers and sisters 200 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,680 and the kids and... 201 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:35,440 and friends, and I don't... 202 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:36,920 Maybe I haven't been there enough 203 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,800 for my wife in her time of need with her dad. 204 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,480 Cos I, I haven't really understood it. 205 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,160 If someone talked to me about addictions for, 206 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:49,600 you know, I can sit and talk for days and days cos I know about it, 207 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,320 and I've had experiences about it, 208 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,800 but I haven't had experiences about death. 209 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,280 And I've, I have found it hard 210 00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,760 and probably haven't been there for my wife as much. 211 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,960 But again, it's only when you come away 212 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:14,000 and you sit with your feelings... that I understand that now 213 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,960 and I will be there. I am there for her 214 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,000 but I just don't think I've been there enough. 215 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:32,040 You know, I say my prayers every morning and every night to, 216 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:35,040 to stay away from my addictions 217 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,800 and just try and be the best person I can be really. 218 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,560 I'm never going to be perfect, I know that. 219 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,680 But just need to be a nice person, be kind. 220 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:03,480 God grant me the serenity to accept 221 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,960 the things I cannot change, 222 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,720 the courage to change the things I can 223 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,640 and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. 224 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,400 It's a prayer that I, 225 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,600 I, literally, sometimes have to say ten times in 226 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,320 a minute just to get me to where I am. 227 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,680 God grant me the serenity to accept 228 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,080 the things I cannot change, 229 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,480 the courage to change the things I can 230 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,200 and the wisdom to know the difference. 231 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,200 I'm going to be quiet now for five minutes 232 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,440 and just take this in and, 233 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:49,360 and have a moment and pray for... for my father-in-law. 234 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,280 BELL TOLLS 235 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,760 I mean, faith, I think it's important to have faith. 236 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:25,280 I think some people are religious, some people ain't and, 237 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,440 you know, that's everybody's opinion, 238 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:34,680 but it, it definitely helped me. Especially the meetings, I mean... 239 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:40,400 AA and GA, I mean, it's... 240 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,120 if you're not well, you go to the doctor's 241 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:45,360 and get your medicine, and, and that's what a 242 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,960 GA meeting's like, Gamblers Anonymous meetings 243 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,240 and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are like. 244 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,160 If you don't go, you're not getting your medicine, 245 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,160 you're not going to get well. 246 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,360 If you don't get well, then it's only one, 247 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,400 one way it's gonna, one way it's gonna end up 248 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,000 and that's back doing what you were doing. 249 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,000 So, yeah, I have... 250 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,520 I have faith. 251 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,120 Sometimes, of course, with what everything that goes on in 252 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,080 the world, we do question it, 253 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:17,840 but definitely without the GA and AA, 254 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:22,640 you know, I, I wouldn't be able to live the life I live now. 255 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,520 Even though my wife's great and she is great 256 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,280 and she understands me, 257 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,600 I still need them meetings 258 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:34,160 to be around people that have been in my position before 259 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:39,080 and have had that experience, strength and hope. 260 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,880 Yeah, it's a massive thing for me. 261 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,240 You know, I, I do believe there is a God, 262 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:53,120 I do believe there is. You know, 263 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,640 I don't think for everything I did, you know, 264 00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,120 like, and I still got to play football is, 265 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:03,480 is a miracle really. It's a miracle. 266 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,760 I-I do look at that like someone was looking over me at all times. 267 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,960 My wife goes to church and her mother-in-law goes, Kay, and... 268 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,200 I don't know anybody who doesn't come out of church 269 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,520 and doesn't feel better. Now, 270 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,400 if that's the case, how does it not work? 271 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,320 It's like meetings, 272 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,880 never been in a meeting and come out worse, you know? 273 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:32,520 So, for me it works. 274 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,120 I do believe. 275 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,400 Wow, look at that. Blown away really. 276 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:48,240 I've never been anywhere like this before in my life. 277 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,160 No, it's just, can't... 278 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,040 You just wouldn't think this was England. I don't know... 279 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,440 I don't know why but you just wouldn't think this was England. 280 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,200 I mean, look at that, it's like for miles. 281 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:17,480 Oh, no. I'm not taking another fall. 282 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:21,080 Right. Let's work this out, guys. 283 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:25,120 I'm going to go big rock... 284 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:35,080 ..little rock, big rock. 285 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,840 Ah, straight in. 286 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,680 Straight in. 287 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,200 Right. 288 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,280 Yeah. I'm away. 289 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,520 Argh. 290 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,120 Argh. 291 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,520 Seriously. 292 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:09,440 All I can feel now here is... 293 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,120 Is the wind on the back of my head. 294 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:15,560 I can really, really feel that. 295 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,720 Like, you know what? 296 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,960 That probably happens every single day of my life. 297 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,760 But I can feel it today. 298 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,360 I'm in the moment, I can feel it. 299 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,200 Morning. Morning. 300 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,200 How are you? Good. 301 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,680 Nice walk? Yeah, yeah. 302 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,480 Hey, I recognise you. Yeah, he's a footballer. 303 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,040 Oh, do you? Footballer, retired footballer. 304 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:42,040 Yes! Hello, how are you? Oh, fine, thank you. 305 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,040 Do you do this every Sunday? Yeah, more or less. 306 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,320 It's lovely, innit? 307 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,040 It's just good for the soul, know what I mean? 308 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,240 Oh, yeah, 100%. Absolutely beautiful. 309 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,040 It just takes you out of everything else, 310 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,960 your mind clears. It's just wonderful. 311 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,240 You're right what you say, I mean that's exactly 312 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,640 how I felt in my mind, you're like... 313 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,280 Cos where I live it's... You know, it's... 314 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,160 It's hustle and bustle, do you know what I mean? 315 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,880 You still live in London, do you? Yeah. 316 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,680 So... But here it's just... It's that sereneness, you know. 317 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,160 I always say to people, you know, 318 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:07,880 if you've got issues, get out there. Yeah. 319 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,800 Do your walking. Get... You know, we only live a couple of miles away. 320 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,000 Yeah. So for us this is our local patch. 321 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,360 Oh, that's lovely, innit? 322 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,320 So, I mean, we can go out whenever we want, you know. 323 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,040 This is amazing. Absolutely amazing. 324 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,560 I'm glad you're enjoying it. 325 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,360 And there's a good pub as well. 326 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:24,320 I walk past pubs now. I don't walk into pubs any more. 327 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:28,320 Oh! That's a nice one. If you do want a pint, there's a nice one. 328 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,720 You can have a soft drink. Yeah, I could have a soft drink. 329 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,320 That's like going in the hairdressers. 330 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,800 If you go in the hairdressers, 331 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,480 go in there every day of the week you'll have 332 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,280 a haircut by the end of the week. 333 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,840 That's a shame. Can we think of a good cafe? 334 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,560 A nice black coffee. 335 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,480 Anyway, nice... And you, nice to meet you. 336 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,000 I wish you all the best. 337 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,640 Have a lovely day. Take care. Bye-bye. 338 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,440 That's the thing when you come out, 339 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,840 you do meet lovely people as well, you know. 340 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,920 There's... Again when you live in London, it's the hustle and bustle, 341 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,960 everybody's walking with their head on the floor 342 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,960 and it's 100 mile an hour, and I understand that. 343 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:12,720 People have got to get to work and things to do. 344 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:17,240 But, you know, it's very rare anybody says, "How are you?" 345 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,320 If you turned round and went, 346 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,920 "No, I'm not really good at the moment, struggling," 347 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,160 people would just walk off, they don't really listen, 348 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,320 they're just saying it for the sake of saying it. 349 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,560 You know, with addictions you have to talk. 350 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,840 Addiction wants you on your own. 351 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,640 It wants you on your own. 352 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,640 It don't want you talking to people. 353 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:45,000 It wants you on your own, so it can feed, 354 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,560 you know, it can feed you. 355 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,720 You know, and you do what you do, and... 356 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,640 And that's why it's important to talk to people. 357 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,280 Cos you don't know who's struggling. 358 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:56,840 You don't know. 359 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,480 No-one ever knows who the person is. 360 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,720 It's quite hidden, and people sometimes are ashamed. 361 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,040 So, it's nice to talk. 362 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,440 Right, is this gate a Krypton Factor job or what? 363 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,600 Urgh. 364 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,880 Right, come on, Paul. 365 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,160 Ah, done it. 366 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,680 Krypton Factor. 367 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,840 Argh, argh. Oh, seriously. 368 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,000 That's seven times I've nearly fallen now. 369 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,440 I need to put some studs in these boots. 370 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,520 PAUL LAUGHS 371 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,640 Oh, here come the sheep. 372 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,520 Here they come. 373 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,600 Look at that, that's just amazing! 374 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:15,400 The way them dogs gather them sheep and dictate them 375 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,680 and go wherever they want to go. 376 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,840 They're off. 377 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,000 Wow! Look at that, eggs for sale. 378 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:59,600 Oh, my God. They've got eggs for sale there. 379 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,120 Wow. 380 00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:05,680 Trustworthy place, huh? 381 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,880 Amazing. 382 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,920 Fresh, like, eggs. Imagine getting up in the morning, 383 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,320 walking here and getting your eggs, going home. 384 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,440 Cooking egg and bacon. 385 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,480 From where I come from, it's a different world. 386 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,320 I used to live in North Yorkshire 387 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,240 for about eight months in Hutton Rudby, 388 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:28,560 the place was called. 389 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,760 It was a Middlesbrough clubhouse. 390 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,320 And I lived there with my brother, 391 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,040 and then Gazza moved in with us, 392 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,720 with Jimmy Five Bellies. 393 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,920 And this was round the corner. 394 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,920 And we never went out, like, 395 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,280 as you do in them days when you're younger. 396 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,880 Played football, went home, trained, drunk. 397 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,120 And we never went out walking. 398 00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:58,400 I mean, the only time we ever walked was probably to the pub. 399 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,360 So, that was probably about it. 400 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:09,480 Yeah, I won't beat myself up about it but it would have been nice. 401 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,960 It would have been nice to do them kind of things and get out 402 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,680 but I didn't know any different. 403 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,360 I didn't have a choice, you know, I was an alcoholic and, 404 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:23,920 and a compulsive gambler and I, 405 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,800 I was ill and I didn't know I was ill, 406 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,320 so I didn't have a choice. Today I have a choice. 407 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,240 So I can come out and choose to go 408 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:33,040 on this absolute stunning, beautiful walk. 409 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,000 Hello. Hiya, morning, you OK? THEY RESPOND INDISTINCTLY 410 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,160 Good. 411 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,920 Yeah, absolutely amazing, amazing. 412 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,280 I've been on a few walks into Richmond or Kingston, 413 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:55,560 but you're always looking on the floor cos you always, 414 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,880 if there's anything you might fall over or trip over. 415 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:02,760 So you don't really get to see everything around you. 416 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:05,240 STREAM GURGLES 417 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,200 And that lovely noise of the stream. 418 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,200 It just... 419 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,360 It's just that noise is lovely. 420 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,280 GURGLE OF STREAM CONTINUES 421 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:24,720 It's just flowing. 422 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,920 And there's two different noises of the stream. 423 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,760 One where it's coming through, 424 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,120 where it's coming through there like at a pace 425 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:43,720 and it's making a different noise. 426 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:47,080 And then when you get down to there, it's a completely different noise. 427 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,880 BIRDS TWEET 428 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,520 You know, you can hear a couple of birds singing, 429 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,640 but nothing like first thing this morning when I set out. 430 00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:21,680 When you get in the moment and you sort of, 431 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:25,440 you, you can stand still and you can be in the present, 432 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,640 the amount of things you hear and see are, 433 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,400 are quite extraordinary, really. 434 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,200 And as I said before, I mean, 435 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,120 with my addiction and getting in early in the morning 436 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:42,000 and get two hours' sleep, you know, 437 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,480 them birds singing was like ah, you know, 438 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,240 I just wanted to throw a brick at the tree, if I'm being honest, 439 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:48,800 just to make 'em fly away. 440 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,760 But, you know, now, I, I love that sound again... 441 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:54,200 BIRD TWEETS 442 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,320 STREAM GURGLES 443 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,200 Beautiful. 444 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:22,760 Haven't got a care in the world. 445 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,520 BIRDS TWEET, PIGEON COOS 446 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:08,760 DOG BARKS 447 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,320 CLAIRE: Good girl. 448 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,400 I wonder if everybody knows everybody and, 449 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,200 you know, I think, like, what's it like at Christmas? 450 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,200 Does everybody get together or is there... 451 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:31,800 ..people that don't talk to people and don't like each other? 452 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,600 Or does everybody go to The Crown pub? 453 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,800 But when I go on holiday I, like, I look at people 454 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:43,560 and I think, I wonder what they do at night-time, 455 00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,680 what they do. Do they, like, watch telly, 456 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,880 do they have their dinner and then they settle down and watch telly? 457 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,480 And I just, I wonder what their lives are like. 458 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,280 DOG BARKS 459 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,880 CHILDREN CHATTER INDISTINCTLY 460 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,040 CHILD LAUGHS 461 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,560 BAGPIPER PLAYS SCOTLAND THE BRAVE 462 00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:17,800 I know I've been walking a long way, 463 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:21,120 but I'm not in Scotland yet, am I? Seriously, am I? 464 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,800 I think that's got to be the hardest thing in the world to do, 465 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,400 isn't it, is play the bagpipes? One of 'em. 466 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,000 I mean, it's got to be easier to learn German, innit? 467 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,400 MUSIC CONTINUES 468 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:52,440 Wow, look at that. 469 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:57,920 So hard to play. 470 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,560 MUSIC STOPS 471 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,560 Amazing. 472 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,280 Thank you. How long have you learned how to play them? 473 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,000 Uh, well, since I was eight years old. 474 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,840 Um, I've, I've been playing since I was 11, 475 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,440 uh, on the, the actual great pipes. 476 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:22,240 And been in a band for ten years. 477 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:23,480 Call me naive, 478 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,960 but what's the difference between a bagpipe and that pipe? 479 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:27,920 Uh, well, this is a bagpipe. OK. 480 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:29,120 Um, but, uh, 481 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,760 when you're a learner you start with, uh, just this, with this... 482 00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:36,080 Oh, OK. ..called a, called the practice chanter. 483 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,120 And when you're, you're old enough, you get what's called 484 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,280 the Goose, which is basically 485 00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,320 these, with a bag, but no drones. 486 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,240 And then, as you progress, 487 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:49,200 you get your drones fitted and one by one, 488 00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,040 they, they come out. 489 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,160 So, I started out with just these two when 490 00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,920 I got given my drones. Now I'm with all three. 491 00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,200 Is it as hard to play as what we think? 492 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:02,560 Um, well, well, yes and, and no. 493 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,280 It's kind of like weightlifting, plus breath control, 494 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:09,040 plus hand-eye coordination and memory to boot. 495 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:12,120 And where are you from? Uh, originally Edinburgh but, uh... 496 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:17,640 Oh, really? Yeah, but moved down age five to, to Yorkshire, so... 497 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:21,720 Wow, you don't, yeah, your accent seems like further south. 498 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:24,920 No, uh, uh, no, not from further south. 499 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:26,760 HE LAUGHS 500 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,920 What about the neighbours, happy with you playing? 501 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,320 Oh, yeah, delighted. Yeah? 502 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,960 Delighted. We're all neighbourly around here. 503 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,680 We respect each other's wishes. 504 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,480 Oh, OK, brilliant. Well, I wish you all the best. 505 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,000 Oh, thank you. Take care. 506 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:42,720 And that was amazing, thank you. Thank you. Take care. 507 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,600 I mean, what a lovely village, wow. 508 00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:52,920 It'll be interesting, like this is a lovely Sunday morning. 509 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:54,800 I wonder what it's like Monday, 510 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,800 I wonder if they're all running round hectic like maniacs, 511 00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,080 like, rushing around. 512 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:01,760 Like, eating their toast on the way 513 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:03,400 to work as they run out the door. 514 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,960 Or is it all calm and collected like this? 515 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,960 It's like something you see in a film, really. 516 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,080 Everything about it, it's, like, perfect. 517 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,400 I imagine in the summer it's absolutely mind-blowing. 518 00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,400 I mean, people would be out on the green playing, 519 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,920 kids in the stream, beautiful. 520 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:31,720 I wonder what it would have been like if, 521 00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:33,640 if I was born in a village. 522 00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,960 Would I have been a professional footballer? 523 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,880 Oh, he's got the Boro on. 524 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:43,640 Up the Boro. Oh, wow. 525 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:45,800 How are you, you all right? Yeah, good, you? 526 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,280 Yeah, good form, thank you. 527 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,440 Hello, mate, what's your name, little one? 528 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,160 What's your name? Tommy Durrant. 529 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:52,920 We've just been to Gillamoor, haven't we? 530 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:54,520 Played football at Gillamoor. Yeah? 531 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:56,840 Then we come up here, we treat him to a milkshake. 532 00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:58,520 Oh, what's your favourite one? 533 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,480 Strawberry. Strawberry? 534 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,920 Yeah, that's my favourite, I might go and get one after. 535 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,280 Right, Tommy, I better go. Yeah, well, say bye. Bye. 536 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,480 Tommy, see you later, I hope you have a nice milkshake. 537 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:09,400 Say bye, say thank you very much. Thank you... 538 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,440 See you later, thank you, take care. Up the Boro. Up the Boro. 539 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:13,480 Up the Boro. 540 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,120 I left Boro in a bit of a bad way 541 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,600 and I think the fans didn't like me when I left, 542 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:26,040 but they didn't really understand my circumstances and why I left. 543 00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:33,960 I didn't leave on good terms. 544 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,320 It's always something I look back on and think, 545 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,320 you know, I hope the fans understood that, 546 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,520 you know, I had a great season the year before. 547 00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:44,120 And we got promoted, which was my job, or part of it. 548 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:45,880 And then I left, but it was that, 549 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,160 that was the reason I left, was my addictions were, 550 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,480 were kicking in bad at the time. 551 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,360 So, I needed to get home. 552 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:57,040 So, hopefully they'll understand that, hopefully. 553 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:12,720 DOGS PANT 554 00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:15,400 Thanks goodness it's not raining like it was this morning. 555 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,040 Yeah, it's so much better. Oh, so much better. 556 00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,240 If it wasn't for my dad, I wouldn't have been a footballer. 557 00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:27,640 I mean, the sacrifice that he had to make taking me to, 558 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,600 all the way to Highbury on a, 559 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,040 on a Monday and a Thursday to train. 560 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,480 You don't really, 561 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,920 really get to sit down and say that to my dad if you know what I mean. 562 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,440 I've never really sat down and said to my dad thank you. 563 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,320 But, yeah... 564 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,240 ..I've never really sat down with my dad and said thank you. 565 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:54,640 You know, we didn't have a lot. 566 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,920 My dad was a coalman. 567 00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:00,200 Lived on a council estate... 568 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:01,880 So, we didn't have a lot, 569 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,360 but my dad made sure he took me everywhere. 570 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,960 And that's why I'm trying to do that for my boy now, 571 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,720 my youngest boy Freddy, he's seven. 572 00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:16,000 I've got three older boys, Charlie, Ben and Sam 573 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,040 and Sam is a good footballer. 574 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,440 And I wasn't around to take him everywhere to be a footballer and... 575 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,720 ..I sort of blame myself for that. 576 00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:29,240 Because I, I got divorced and I moved club. 577 00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:31,040 I left Arsenal, 578 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:34,120 went to Boro and then me and his mum got divorced. 579 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,640 And I lived in Birmingham. 580 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,480 And I wasn't there to take him all round 581 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,720 the place like my dad took me. 582 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:47,160 And to give him a chance and... 583 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,760 ..that hurts a bit cos I should have. 584 00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,840 Argh, argh, argh, whoa. 585 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,640 That reminds me, I used to be coming out the pub like that. 586 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:09,480 But I loved playing football, I just, 587 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,160 it's all I know, really. 588 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:12,680 It's all I know. 589 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,000 You know, if you sat down, 590 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:15,960 I could talk about football all day, every day. 591 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,040 But, oh, wow. 592 00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,480 Anything else, big regrets, really. 593 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:26,240 You know, there's a lot of things. 594 00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:28,080 I can't really read, I'm dyslexic. 595 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:31,040 My wife's a school teacher 596 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:35,080 and if I'm writing texts out I, I literally now have to ask her, 597 00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:39,480 cos where to put a full stop and a comma and, you know, 598 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:41,200 and the way the kids are now with 599 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:44,360 the way they spell things. Like... puh, ahh, ruh. 600 00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,720 I mean, I say to my wife, "How do you spell this?" 601 00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:50,200 and she'll like go, "It's...tuh, huh," 602 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,760 and I go, "No, just tell me, is it T H?" 603 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,840 You know, I don't, I don't understand all them letters. 604 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,280 I should have done more at school, I really should have. 605 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:04,680 What is this? 606 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,160 Oh, 607 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,400 it's not Krypton Factor, that was easy. 608 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:54,680 The things I worry about now is I'm an old dad. 609 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:57,480 So I've got a one-year-old, 610 00:40:57,480 --> 00:40:59,480 a four-year-old and a seven-year-old. 611 00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:10,240 And I sit there sometimes and I, I think, 612 00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:12,160 you know, how long have I got? 613 00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:17,280 If I've got 20 years left, which is, which is a lot of years, that's 74. 614 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:20,960 You know, and you hear people that are dying younger than that. 615 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:23,520 I think, you know, I'm not going to see my kids grow up. 616 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,320 And that, 617 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,840 that scares me to death, if I'm being honest. 618 00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:33,880 That's how my mind works sometimes, 619 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:38,480 I can be living in the day and then I'm thinking, 620 00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:41,600 you know, what about when Sadie's 21? 621 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:43,320 You know, she's one years old. 622 00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:48,040 I mean, every now and then I, I get that fear now and it's, 623 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,400 it's something that, you know, 624 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,280 I have to look into, what it is and, 625 00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:57,000 and trying to understand why, why I get like that. 626 00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,360 But I accept today the way I am. 627 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,280 I like Paul today. 628 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:04,720 I don't, 629 00:42:04,720 --> 00:42:06,960 I don't look at Paul any more and think, 630 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:08,920 "Cor, I can't stand you, I hate you." 631 00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:10,240 And when you're like that 632 00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:13,640 I don't see how you can love anybody else when you don't like yourself. 633 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,240 And that's why I probably struggled over the years. 634 00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:23,720 But now I can give my love to my wife cos I, 635 00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:26,400 uh, you know, I like myself. I like Paul. 636 00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:30,040 And that's nice. 637 00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,240 Uh, I've always wanted to be someone else. 638 00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:35,200 Every time I meet someone, I'm like, "I wish I was like him, 639 00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:37,680 "I wish I was like him." You know, I'd always be, 640 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,600 I'd always be itchy in my own skin, it was really weird. 641 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:44,640 Always uncomfortable. 642 00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:49,840 But today I don't, you know, today I like being me. 643 00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,840 You know, I respect me now. 644 00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:54,840 I didn't used to respect me. 645 00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,320 People used to come up to me and go "Oh, my God, you're a legend. 646 00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,320 "Oh, you're, you're brilliant," and I used to... 647 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,520 The first thing I used to say to people was, "No, I'm not, 648 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:03,920 "no, I'm not, no, don't say that." 649 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:07,400 Cos I used to think if you knew what I was doing you wouldn't think 650 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:08,920 I was like that. I'm horrible. 651 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,600 And today I can stand there and people will go to me 652 00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:16,640 and they go, "Oh, you're a legend," and, and all I could say, 653 00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,640 or they say "What a great player," like that, 654 00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:21,520 is thank you, thank you. It's so simple, 655 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:22,720 two words, thank you. 656 00:43:22,720 --> 00:43:24,480 It's their, their opinion and I, 657 00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,320 I can, I'm happy with that now. 658 00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:28,760 I don't have to sit there and go, "Oh, no, no, I'm not." 659 00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:38,400 And to accept that I'm, I am, I'm a nice person. 660 00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,120 I'm a nice person. 661 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:45,160 Just an ill person trying to get well. 662 00:43:55,840 --> 00:44:00,240 And just standing up here now and reflecting on my life so far. 663 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:04,120 Some memories stick and they're so important. 664 00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,480 And they last forever. 665 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:11,840 And if it wasn't for my dad I wouldn't have been who I am now. 666 00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:13,320 It just makes me reflect on 667 00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:17,600 a poem written by Michael Josephson - 668 00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,120 What Will Matter. 669 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,880 "What will matter is not your success 670 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,080 "but your significance. 671 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,760 "What will matter is not what you learn 672 00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:32,720 "but what you taught. 673 00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,480 "What will matter is every act of integrity, 674 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:40,600 "compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, 675 00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:45,200 "empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. 676 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:52,880 "What will matter is not your competence but your character." 677 00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,840 HE INHALES 678 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:08,480 EXHALES 679 00:45:17,720 --> 00:45:19,440 Right, here we go. 680 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:23,040 Argh, ooh, ooh, ooh. 681 00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:24,280 Ooh! 682 00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,520 Ooh. 683 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:31,440 Urgh, ooh. 684 00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:34,280 Whoa. 685 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,440 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 686 00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:44,880 Whoa, easy, brrr. 687 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,960 CHUCKLING: I'm like Bambi on ice, I am. 688 00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:06,280 You feel like your own, the only person on the Earth. 689 00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:07,840 Just on your own. 690 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,000 You feel like you're the only person in the world at the moment. 691 00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:16,880 It's just the quietness. 692 00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:20,320 Really strange, you just don't, 693 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:21,960 I don't get this quietness. 694 00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:26,480 There's just no noise at all. 695 00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:35,400 Just me talking. 696 00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:41,640 Hi. How are you? 697 00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:43,240 Yeah, good. 698 00:46:43,240 --> 00:46:44,760 How are far are you running? 699 00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,000 Oh, maybe about ten miles. 700 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,040 Really? Yeah. 701 00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,880 You don't find it hard, it's a bit uneven, innit? 702 00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:53,600 All part of the fun, isn't it? 703 00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:55,560 But don't you find it psychologically...? 704 00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:58,360 Because it's so open and I don't like running on the streets, 705 00:46:58,360 --> 00:46:59,880 but at least it's left, right, le... 706 00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:02,760 You don't see like... Like here it's just miles in the distance. 707 00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:04,280 Do you know what I mean? 708 00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,160 What, do you think it's a bit, 709 00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,120 overwhelming or something or a bit like...? 710 00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,240 Yeah, I ju... I don't see the end. 711 00:47:10,240 --> 00:47:12,320 Yeah, you like to have a goal, you mean? 712 00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,440 Yeah, do you know what I mean? I like to have a goal. 713 00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,520 "I'm heading for there. That's where I'm going." 714 00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:18,160 Yeah, and that's it. Yeah. 715 00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:21,160 But here I just feel it's like, it's never-ending, it's like. 716 00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:24,320 Maybe I suppose it's kind of like enjoying the moment, 717 00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,240 rather than like this is my destination. 718 00:47:26,240 --> 00:47:27,480 Yeah. 719 00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,360 And I suppose that's like different reasons why peop... 720 00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:33,040 I suppose that's different reasons why people run or do things, 721 00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:35,040 isn't it? Yeah. Some people do it for the goals. 722 00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:37,120 Do you know what I mean, like? 723 00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:39,600 It's always trying to be faster, stronger. 724 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,240 And then, then you sort of learn to actually, 725 00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:43,720 I'm here, I'm feeling good. 726 00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:46,240 Today it's been nice, like I have lived in the moment, 727 00:47:46,240 --> 00:47:47,360 do you know what I mean? 728 00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:48,800 So you've just been able to just... 729 00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:51,080 Yeah, take it in and it's been, it's been, 730 00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:52,440 I'm not saying it's been easy, 731 00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:54,600 cos, like, a lot's come up while I've been walking, 732 00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:55,800 do you know what I mean? 733 00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:58,320 Where it wouldn't have really come up in before. 734 00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:00,200 Yeah, I know we appreciate the good days. 735 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,040 And a bit more random, like, I take my wife sometimes for granted. 736 00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:05,200 I'm, I don't mean that in a horrible way, 737 00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,640 but, you know, but she's amazing, really. 738 00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,280 And, you know, the way she understands me, you know? 739 00:48:10,280 --> 00:48:11,480 When I'm away and I, 740 00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:13,880 and I'm at, like, things like this or I'm away from home, 741 00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,120 I appreciate her so much more, if you know what I mean. 742 00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:19,160 And when I'm with her, it's like... Aw, I know, the day to day. 743 00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:22,480 She's moaning at me again. I saw you on telly a few months ago 744 00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,480 and I think you have done a lot of good, you know... 745 00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,760 Oh. ..by putting yourself out there. It must be really hard. 746 00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:30,880 Yeah. Thank you. 747 00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:33,520 And I, and I too... And I took it with me actually, yeah, yeah. 748 00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:34,960 Oh, thank you, I appreciate that. 749 00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:36,640 I'm glad I've met you actually to say that. 750 00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,000 Oh, do you? No, thank you. Honestly. Yeah. 751 00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,360 I came away that you were a good person. 752 00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:43,960 Oh, cheers, I am a good person. Just remember that. 753 00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:46,720 I am, thank you. And I'm sure your wife sometimes believes that. 754 00:48:46,720 --> 00:48:49,000 Yeah, she does. Take care. Nice to see you. 755 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,760 Bye-bye, have a good day, bye. 756 00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,160 It's nice when you meet people like that. 757 00:49:02,720 --> 00:49:06,360 HAMMERING 758 00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:12,600 BIRDSONG 759 00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:21,320 At 53, I appreciate this now, this walk. 760 00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:25,720 You know, I'm not trying to chase anything today. 761 00:49:32,240 --> 00:49:35,960 The thing I probably appreciate more than anything is how... 762 00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:38,440 ..how much I love my wife, really. 763 00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:40,560 You know, how great she is to me and... 764 00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:47,480 ..you know, when I come a step away, I just realise how much I love her 765 00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:49,800 and how much she's been a rock for me 766 00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:53,720 and helped me through some bad times. 767 00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:56,480 Bad times. 768 00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:59,600 And she's been there for me and it takes... 769 00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:03,760 ..it takes things like this, where there's no distractions, 770 00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,800 there's no phone, 771 00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:08,200 there's no internet, 772 00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:09,880 there's no TV. 773 00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,920 And it's, like, just walking in the fresh air 774 00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:20,320 in the middle of nowhere with quietness and stillness. 775 00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:25,200 You just appreciate how much I love my wife 776 00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,040 and what an amazing person she is. 777 00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:31,680 But I do have to give myself credit sometimes and think... 778 00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:35,400 ..you know, and remember where I was and... 779 00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:40,280 ..you know, that I wanted to... You know, I wanted to kill myself. 780 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,760 I wanted to do that a lot of times. So... 781 00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:46,160 ..it's important to... 782 00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:47,240 HE GRUNTS 783 00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:50,560 ..to remember, you know, where I was 784 00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:54,040 and give myself, you know, credit for that. 785 00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:05,720 GENTLE BIRDSONG 786 00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,120 You know, where I've been, where... 787 00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:17,640 You know, when I've wanted to, you know, kill myself... 788 00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:22,840 ..you know, and tried to end it all, cos I didn't see a way out, 789 00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,320 I didn't see how I could stop drinking or gambling 790 00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,520 and letting my wife down constantly, 791 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:30,840 you know, I-I'd have never been able to do all this kind of stuff. 792 00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:32,560 This was never in my wildest dreams, 793 00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,840 that I could come out and do a walk like this, 794 00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:37,360 and I think that's for everybody out there that there - 795 00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:40,360 there is hope. There is hope. 796 00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:42,760 I mean, I... You know, when I'm quite down - 797 00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:46,640 and I do get down days, I'm not going to sit here and say I don't - 798 00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:48,520 I play REM - Everybody Hurts. 799 00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:50,640 I think it's, it's a poignant song, 800 00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,560 I think it's a song to... hang in to there. 801 00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:57,920 To hang in there when you're... when times are dark. 802 00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:00,320 You know, some people think, "Oh, it's a depressing song," 803 00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:03,800 and all that but I just... You know, it's a song that I... 804 00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:05,960 ..that I put on cos it does remind me - 805 00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:08,520 everybody... You know, you're not alone. 806 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:12,040 And I think, you know, when you want to kill yourself, 807 00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,440 it's a...it's a proper thing of being on your own 808 00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,400 and you think you're the only person, no-one loves you, 809 00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:21,200 you let people down, everybody hates you. 810 00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:24,880 And, you know, I just think that song, REM - Everybody Hurts, 811 00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,280 I just think, you know, there's lines in that 812 00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,120 when it just says, "Hold on. Hold on." 813 00:52:44,720 --> 00:52:46,200 HE EXHALES 814 00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:50,960 It saddens me that I even thought about doing what I wanted - 815 00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:52,880 to kill myself. It's... 816 00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:56,920 That's how dark it gets. 817 00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:03,720 HE SNIFFS 818 00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:17,360 And I sit here now and I think, "How did I get like that?" 819 00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:19,120 But it does, it comes on quickly. 820 00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:22,360 You know, it's something that...just comes. 821 00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:28,320 And if you don't talk and then it gets worse and worse and... 822 00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:33,480 I just think that's why it's important to talk, 823 00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,880 get out in the fresh air. 824 00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:36,400 BIRDSONG 825 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,360 Look at that. 826 00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:47,480 Thank God I'm still here and I can enjoy it. I can enjoy this. 827 00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:53,720 BIRDSONG 828 00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,000 HE PANTS 829 00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,000 Come on, Paul. 830 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,800 WATER TRICKLES 831 00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,880 Who would have thought in their wildest dreams 832 00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,240 that Paul Merson would be doing a walking programme, 833 00:54:10,240 --> 00:54:13,680 talking about his life and the countryside? And I... 834 00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:19,080 That, for me, shows how much I've...I've come on in my life, 835 00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:22,520 that I can get asked to do things like this now. 836 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:26,040 But I don't want it to end there. You know, this is just the start. 837 00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:33,880 Phwoar! 838 00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:33,880 HE PANTS 839 00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:37,040 Like life - keep on going. 840 00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:43,920 Sometimes it's an uphill battle. Just got to keep on going. 841 00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:46,480 And then it levels itself out. 842 00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:48,680 And sometimes it's straight, 843 00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:51,160 and sometimes it's even great and it's downhill 844 00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:53,240 and you just slide with life. 845 00:54:53,240 --> 00:54:54,720 Then it gets harder. 846 00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:58,080 And you go uphill like this again. 847 00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:01,480 Just hanging in there. Just hanging in there. 848 00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:08,480 But the good days outweigh the bad days by a long way. 849 00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:09,680 By a long way. 850 00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:12,640 HE SIGHS 851 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:16,640 I try and get the message across to people... 852 00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:19,560 I mean, if it helps one person, it's more than one - 853 00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:22,600 it helps their family, it helps their kids or their mum and dad 854 00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:26,280 or their brothers and sisters and their friends understand. 855 00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:29,720 And that's what I just wanted to give people or someone out there - 856 00:55:29,720 --> 00:55:33,000 a chance to be able to change their life around, 857 00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:34,120 and for the better. 858 00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:40,480 WINGS FLUTTER 859 00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:42,800 Amazing. 860 00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:45,000 I see colour. Wow. 861 00:55:46,320 --> 00:55:50,240 And mud, green, and then you get a snowdrop. 862 00:55:50,240 --> 00:55:52,960 HE PANTS 863 00:55:50,240 --> 00:55:52,960 Oh. 864 00:55:57,720 --> 00:55:59,200 Look at that sun. 865 00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:02,760 Oh, well, you can't write that. 866 00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:08,400 The village of Gillamoor. 867 00:56:10,240 --> 00:56:14,720 # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! # 868 00:56:14,720 --> 00:56:16,040 Ah... 869 00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:21,560 Feels we're on the top of the world. 870 00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:34,000 Sat on some benches in my time but this is a... Oh! 871 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:35,080 What a bench. 872 00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:37,920 Ah... 873 00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:42,880 Imagine you come and getting up and sitting here every morning. 874 00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:44,600 Wow. 875 00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:48,240 They must be queuing up to sit on this bench. Every day. 876 00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:01,600 BIRDSONG 877 00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:10,400 This walk has really taught me how fortunate I am, 878 00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:14,800 how lucky I am and what a... and what a life I've had so far. 879 00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:24,360 I needed today just to... just with a clear head, 880 00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:26,440 cos, you know, when you've got three little kids 881 00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:29,200 and you're in that hectic life of get up in the morning, 882 00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:31,880 get ready, get to school, drop 'em off, that's life. 883 00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,120 Of course it is - that's life for a lot of people. 884 00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:36,960 And I understand that and I love that, I wouldn't swap it. 885 00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:41,080 But sometimes you take the people that love you very dearly 886 00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:43,360 for granted. And I just think today has... 887 00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:51,320 ..has really helped me really hit home how much my wife helps me 888 00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:55,320 and how much I love her and how fortunate I am to be with her. 889 00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:57,280 And I've never really said that to her. 890 00:58:04,960 --> 00:58:08,760 Who would have thought a walk in Yorkshire in the winter 891 00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:10,480 would have made me feel like this? 892 00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:17,000 Very blessed today that I've been able to do what I've done 893 00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:19,720 and I really, really loved today. Really loved it. 894 00:58:24,760 --> 00:58:27,320 Can't wait to get home now and see my wife and kids, 895 00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:29,280 and tell my wife how much I love her. 896 00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:32,640 BIRDSONG