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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[suspenseful orchestral music playing]
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[suspenseful music crescendo]
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[thunderous applause and cheering]
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Want anything from Wagamama's?
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[audience whooping]
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[audience whistling and applauding]
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[shouts excitedly] Hello, Crawley!
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[thunderous applause and cheering]
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[suspenseful music continues playing]
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Will you include us?
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In this, my solo stand-up special?
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I wanted my mom to interview me.
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Because I'm being honest,
she wasn't even my first choice.
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She wouldn't even be
my first-choice Sri Lankan woman over 60.
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Crawley is a shithole.
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I'm doing an international Netflix special
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at your fucking shithole theater
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that looks like a disused leisure center,
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and nobody gives a fuck.
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Are you okay?
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[suspenseful music climaxes and fades out]
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"I'm sitting here with a comedian
called Romesh Ranganathan."
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Who are you talking to now?
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Like, do it out to the camera.
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-I am Romesh's mom, Shanthi Ranganathan.
-Okay. Do you wanna start from the top?
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Well, I'm trying to help you.
You could get a chat show off of this.
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-So, go on.
-[Shanthi] Okay.
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I'm Shanthi Ranganathan,
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Romesh's mom.
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So, I just want to introduce myself first.
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"I'm sitting here with a comedian
called Romesh Ranganathan."
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"Let's start talking
about Netflix special."
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Okay. That's a good intro.
Did you write that?
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-Yes. No.
-Okay, that was an insane pause.
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-Dinesh.
-Oh, all right. Okay. Go on.
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"Let's get to know you."
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"What makes you interesting
for the people of Netflix?"
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Can you explain that for me?
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Uh… Um… I don't know what makes--
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What do you mean?
That's not the answer. Ah, ooh, ah…
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Just say it properly. What is it?
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I don't… Like, what makes me
interesting for the people of Netflix?
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-[Shanthi] Yeah.
-I'm not the Tiger King.
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I'm doing a stand-up special on there.
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[suspenseful orchestral music playing]
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-[camera guy] Why are we here today?
-Basically, I…
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Leesa, the kids, my mom, my brother,
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they don't know that I'm doing this,
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that I'm doing a Netflix special.
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I just, sort of, think
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it'll be a nice thing to announce to them.
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I think my mom will be proud and…
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Leesa will be proud, I hope.
The kids will be…
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My kids very rarely… They don't
give a shit about what I do, really.
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So, hopefully,
they'll be, sort of, excited.
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I do stand-up comedy.
You know that, don't you?
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-[Alex] Yeah.
-[Romesh] Funny.
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-Yeah.
-[Romesh] National treasure status.
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-Sure.
-[Romesh] Okay. So…
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[laughter]
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I am doing my tour show.
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I'm gonna film it,
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and then they're gonna put it on Netflix.
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So, what do we have to do?
Will you include us?
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-In this, my solo stand-up special?
-[Shanthi] Yeah.
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Well, I can put you in the credits.
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-This is an opportunity. It's Netflix.
-Put us in the credits.
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"Thanks for getting rid
of any excess self-esteem,
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Shanthi Ranganathan."
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Aw, thanks.
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"Thank you for the ongoing anxiety
about choices I've made,
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Shanthi Ranganathan."
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[Romesh laughs]
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-[Alex] You're overexaggerating.
-What about the vitamin tablets?
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No, you're right, sorry.
You did give me vitamin tablets.
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-[Shanthi] There you are. That's what--
-That offsets the years of counselling.
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[laughter]
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[in Sri Lankan accent]
"At least you ran through the damage."
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-Dad.
-[Romesh] Yeah?
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[in Sri Lankan accent]
"But a bit of zinc."
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[Dinesh laughs] Yeah.
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Can I get a fucking bone?
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It's, like, going on a worldwide platform.
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"Oh, do you think
your mom could get a cameo?"
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Why?
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Why?
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This is the only family where, if you say
that you're doing something, they go…
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[in Sri Lankan accent] "What's my part?"
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You don't see that in any other specials.
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You don't see Chris Rock go…
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[imitates Chris Rock]
"Let me introduce to you Mrs. Rock,"
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and then she comes out and does a bit.
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What are you talking about?
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-Well done, though. It's really good news.
-Good job.
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-Thank you--
-[Shanthi] That's your wife.
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She has to support you,
whether you like it…
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She likes it or not.
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Mom's attitude towards marriage.
What is that?
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Leesa has to support me,
whether she likes it or not?
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-Definitely. You're her husband.
-Were you proud of our dad?
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-No, but the thing is--
-At the beginning, yes, I was.
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Well, how long was that?
Because it wasn't when we were alive.
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[all laughing]
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[in Sri Lankan accent] "Why the hell
did my life put this asshole into it?"
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-Leesa--
-Oh no. Don't get me involved.
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When you go for a meal
or when you're at a party,
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if your husband starts staring at a woman,
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would you like him?
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-No.
-[Romesh] This is such a great--
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-That… That's what happened to me.
-[Romesh] Great chat about my special.
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I knew that you could
bring it into any conversation.
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What I didn't anticipate was that I would
talk about doing a Netflix special…
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[in Sri Lankan accent]
"Your bloody father!"
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[Dinesh laughs loudly]
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[in Sri Lankan accent] "Will there be
women? Your father would've loved that."
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"If he was sitting in the theater,
I would be here, here, here, here…"
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[Alex laughs]
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Let's get to the bullet points.
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I'm doing a Netflix special.
None of you are in it, okay?
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-I just wanna get that established.
-Oh, okay.
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You're rude.
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[camera guy] How's it going, Rom?
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I thought I was gonna come here,
announce the special,
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hug everyone,
there's a lot of love in the room.
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Now, what's turned out is,
I've announced the special,
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I've left the room not liking anyone
I've left in there, to be honest.
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So, Mom,
I was gonna ask you to interview me,
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but based on your performance today,
I've got to be honest, I'm in doubts.
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The remit of the thing is we're
introducing me to a new audience, right?
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So, have a think of a couple
of questions, what you might ask me.
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What made you join Netflix?
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-Or they invited you--
-I've not joined Netflix.
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-[Shanthi laughs] Sorry!
-[Dinesh] When did they offer you the job?
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-You are doing the Netflix.
-Yeah. "You are doing the Netflix."
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Okay, ask me the question.
Ask the question.
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The question was…
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I forgot.
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-I think… I think it's gonna be great.
-[Dinesh] Great, yeah.
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[Alex groans dejectedly]
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-What's your problem?
-[Shanthi laughing]
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It's just you two
doing your stupid interview.
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-[Romesh] That's what it is, an interview.
-Yeah, but don't do the prep while we--
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You can't be in it if you're
just sighing in boredom every time--
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-Why can't you do it when we're not here?
-[Romesh] Yeah, I would… You know what?
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[Shanthi and Dinesh laugh]
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-No, but--
-I bet he wishes you did.
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[Dinesh laughs loudly]
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Do you watch any
of your dad's programs, darling?
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No, Mom says I'm not allowed.
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There's too much swearing.
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I don't care. My friends watch it.
Why can't I watch my own father?
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You don't even wanna watch him
when he's in front of you.
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-[Dinesh laughs loudly]
-Why do you wanna watch him on TV?
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"Why do you think your brother,
Dinesh, is so much more helpful
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and always finds the time to help me out?"
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Sometimes I'm just busy
with work and stuff.
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Right, as soon as you finish your work,
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at least, you can text me,
"Mom, you called. Anything urgent?"
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[Romesh] Yeah, and it never is urgent.
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Remember, once,
you said, "Call me urgently."
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Then I called you, and you said,
"What size trouser are you?"
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Because you put on weight.
I just wanted to find out the right size.
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-Yeah?
-[Romesh] You… Like…
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Like, what's the point?
What is the job of this bit?
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What are we trying to do?
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To find out about you more.
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-Why you're doing a Netflix special…
-Yeah.
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And,
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little things like that,
just let the public know.
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All of the questions
have to follow that mission, yeah?
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[Shanthi] Okay.
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"Let's dig deeper
into your Netflix special."
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"Why are we in Crawley?"
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We're in Crawley because--
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[Shanthi] Yeah.
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-I grew up in Crawley.
-Yeah.
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I worked in Crawley,
and I still live in Crawley.
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Okay.
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So, it's, you know, part of my whole
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life.
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So, I thought it would be a good thing
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to bring the special here
to Crawley, at The Hawth,
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my local theater.
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What a beautiful answer you have given.
That's made me so happy.
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-Good.
-[Shanthi] Are you happy?
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Yeah.
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What I wanna do now is tell them that,
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actually, I've made
the decision of shooting
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the special right here.
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Not here, but in Crawley, at The Hawth.
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The Hawth Theater.
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[camera guy] Does it look nice?
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[Romesh] From the outside?
No, it's horrendous.
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But inside…
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[upbeat orchestral music playing]
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[Romesh] It's similar to what
the outside suggests, to be honest.
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But I wouldn't get any exterior shots,
would be my advice.
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[camera guy] I've hired a drone.
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Well, I hope it goes high.
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Boys, can I have a little,
quick word with you, please?
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[Alex] Yeah, sure.
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I just wanted to tell you… So, you know
I was telling you about this special?
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I'm gonna tell you where it is,
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and then I want
your honest reaction, okay?
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Basically, I've decided
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to do it at…
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-Our house.
-[Romesh] No.
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The Hawth in Crawley.
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Really?
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-Wow!
-[Leesa] Here?
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-[Romesh] Pardon?
-In Crawley?
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-Yeah.
-That's where we're doing our show.
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What do you mean,
you're doing your show there?
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-[Alex] We are.
-What show?
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We're doing dancing and acting,
and stuff like that.
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-Not in the big room, where I'm doing it?
-[Leesa] Yeah.
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00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,679
-In the big-boy room.
-[Leesa] Next week.
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So, they're doing a kids' show in the
same room that I'm doing the special in?
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That's why I was saying to you… I thought
you'd do it somewhere prestigious.
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So, I'm gonna walk on
to do my special and think,
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"This is the same stage
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where such greats as Alex
and Charlie Ranganathan have performed"?
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00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,000
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
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00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:06,200
-[Alex] What's wrong with it?
-There's nothing wrong with it.
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00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,680
Are you okay?
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00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,640
-[Romesh] Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…
-You look depressed.
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So, the week before I'm doing the special,
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my kids are doing
three sold out shows at The Hawth.
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For, like, a kids' production.
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A kids' production
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is doing the same-length run
as my Netflix special.
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[violin music plays dramatically
and fades out]
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"Let's talk about life on the road."
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"Do Leesa and the kids miss you?"
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"How do you keep them…"
238
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,080
"Keep the romance alive?"
239
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,960
With Leesa and the kids?
240
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,240
-No, I meant that… Leesa.
-[Romesh] Right.
241
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,000
[Shanthi] "When you are away…"
242
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:47,280
[laughs] "Have you tried sexy calls?"
243
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,280
-What?
-Sexy calls to your wife.
244
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,080
-[Romesh] Sexy calls?
-Yeah.
245
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,000
Sexy calls to your wife.
246
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,840
-To keep the romance alive.
-[Romesh groans] What is this?
247
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,440
Why do you make sexy calls, son?
248
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,440
Why do you make sexy calls?
249
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,720
I'm gonna be honest, it's the first time
I've heard the phrase "sexy calls."
250
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,520
-What do you mean, "sexy calls"?
-Do you want me to say?
251
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:08,840
[in breathy voice] "Hi, Leesa."
252
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,680
"What are you wearing today?"
253
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:12,680
[Shanthi snorts with laughter]
254
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:13,920
[Shanthi giggles] That's like…
255
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,760
[laughs] "Are you wearing
the underwear I bought you?"
256
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,840
Those are the sexy questions.
257
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,560
Why do I have to tell you?
258
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,840
Are you trying to tell me
you never talk to Leesa
259
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,080
with a sexy voice?
260
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,360
-No.
-[Shanthi] Never?
261
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:29,240
Never.
262
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,720
Did you ever
speak to Dad with a sexy voice?
263
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:35,320
I might have done it when I was 20 - 21.
264
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:39,320
After that, he pissed me off.
So, no sexy calls. No sexy calls.
265
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,880
-So, you did sexy calls with Dad?
-Yeah! Why not?
266
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,160
[Romesh] What did you say?
267
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,000
I can't tell you certain things.
268
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,760
-It's a bit rude.
-"Just got permanent residency."
269
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:50,640
[Shanthi laughing]
270
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,520
[in Sri Lankan accent]
"You dirty bastard."
271
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,880
[Shanthi giggles] No…
272
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:57,080
-"Why are you with another woman?"
-[groans in exasperation] Oh my God!
273
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,160
-[upbeat music playing]
-[camera guy] What's the plan for today?
274
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,040
The point of today
275
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:05,120
is to get a bit of insight into Crawley
and, kind of, its effects on me, I guess.
276
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,000
So,
277
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,840
I picked a few things that we can do.
278
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:08,720
I'm taking
279
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:10,120
Din and my mom,
280
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:14,320
and we're just gonna have a chat
about, kind of, my background, hopefully.
281
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,120
I thought that we could
282
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,240
go to Broadfield, which is, sort of,
283
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,960
where I, kind of,
spent most of my childhood,
284
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:24,360
on this council estate and…
285
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,600
It would just be nice to, kind of,
286
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:29,400
talk about our experiences there.
287
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,000
You know, Broadfield, kind of, made me,
even maybe more so than Crawley itself.
288
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,280
This is the house I started my stand-up
career in. No, I didn't start it here.
289
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,680
I started doing stand-up
when I was living here.
290
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,080
I once… I once jumped out…
You know the window out the back?
291
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,360
I jumped out of my room,
and I'd sneak out at whatever time,
292
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:46,720
and I remember landing on the…
293
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:47,960
And getting up,
294
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,680
and Dad was staring at me
through the window.
295
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,520
[imitates panicked groan and laughs]
296
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,080
-After shagging a girl?
-[Dinesh sighs]
297
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,560
-Why bring it up every time?
-[Shanthi] I'm trying to find out.
298
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,920
It's bad for me as well,
because I wasn't shagging a girl.
299
00:11:59,000 --> 00:11:59,800
[Dinesh] Yeah.
300
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,640
You wanted me
to be a virgin until I was 37.
301
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:02,800
Well done. Dream achieved.
302
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,480
[Dinesh] Which he was, for most of it.
303
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,520
-That's why you studied hard.
-The first time didn't really count.
304
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,160
[Dinesh laughs]
305
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:11,120
Okay.
306
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,880
-[Romesh] What?
-[Shanthi] You've done well.
307
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,600
You were a virgin until you were 37.
308
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:16,880
[Dinesh snorts with laughter]
309
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,120
[all laughing]
310
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,400
I was joking.
311
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:20,640
I was 35.
312
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,360
-[Dinesh laughs]
-I'll tell you who wasn't a virgin. Dad.
313
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:24,960
[all laughing]
314
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,760
[Dinesh snorting with laughter]
315
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:28,880
[Shanthi] Dad disappeared.
316
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:30,640
[Romesh] Absolute sauce man.
317
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,600
He had so much sex in his married life,
didn't he? It was incredible, yeah.
318
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:34,960
And you found--
319
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,200
It's very rare to envy
your dead dad's action levels.
320
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,440
Player!
321
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,720
[all laughing]
322
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,720
You… Both of you were fast asleep,
but I knew where he was going.
323
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,240
Where was he going?
324
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,400
Bewbush.
325
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:49,400
[groans] Oh God!
326
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,160
-[Dinesh] This is gonna get very specific.
-[Shanthi] I went there.
327
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,160
The woman he fancied… His car was there.
328
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,400
-I turned the car and came back.
-[Dinesh] Didn't wanna get him?
329
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,160
[in Sri Lankan accent]
"Hope you smash it hard. See you later."
330
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,840
[Dinesh and Shanthi laugh]
331
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,360
[Dinesh howls with laughter]
That was a good impression.
332
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,480
-[Shanthi] Anyway…
-[Dinesh] Just Mom at the window…
333
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:11,720
[all laughing]
334
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,440
[in Sri Lankan accent] "That's the ass
I recognize going up and down.
335
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:15,680
"Okay. See you. Have fun."
336
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,920
[all laughing]
337
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,760
It was weird. I didn't expect Mom
to talk about how Dad cheated on her.
338
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,520
Why? I was pretending
that I didn't know anything about it.
339
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,160
Mom, you told us every morning on the way
to school. We knew about it, all right?
340
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,600
-It was fine.
-He was missing--
341
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,640
I knew Dad was cheating
before I knew my times tables.
342
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,560
[Dinesh howls with laughter]
343
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:34,440
Just read the story.
344
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,280
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Before I start,
your dad is a cheating bastard."
345
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,960
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Five times four?"
346
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:40,640
[all laughing]
347
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,120
-That's the truth.
-[Romesh] Yeah.
348
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,160
-Anyway, but despite all of that--
-[Shanthi] Yeah.
349
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,760
-There are happy memories--
-I suffered.
350
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,360
-I'm struggling to remember them.
-But I made sure you were happy.
351
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,760
-You did.
-[Dinesh] What happened--
352
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,680
-I used to do a lot of overtime.
-[Romesh] Hmm.
353
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:56,720
-[Dinesh] Yeah.
-And to--
354
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,200
[Romesh] That did make us happy.
355
00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,480
You were out.
356
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,200
[all laughing]
357
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:05,400
[Dinesh] "Can you get
another shift in, Mom?"
358
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,520
God, we're really struggling.
359
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,280
[Dinesh laughs]
360
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,320
-Anyway, I'm glad we've done this.
-[Shanthi] Okay.
361
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,440
[whimsical music playing]
362
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,000
[camera guy]
So, how did it feel to come back here?
363
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,320
I've got pleasant memories here.
364
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,600
It wasn't like I went back there,
and I went, "Oh my God."
365
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,280
Like, "Thank God
I escaped these streets, you know?"
366
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,360
It wasn't like that.
367
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,880
I liked it in Broadfield. It was fun.
368
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,280
You know, your car
got firebombed every now and again.
369
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,040
You'd find weed knocking about.
370
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,120
If you went past the off-license,
371
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,760
a crack addict would demand
that you bought him some cider.
372
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:34,960
But apart from that,
373
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,200
I loved it there.
374
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,360
Well, next,
we are going to Hazelwick School…
375
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,840
where I was a student,
376
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,800
just after we, kind of,
moved into Broadfield,
377
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,280
and I also went back to be a teacher.
378
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,120
This will be a running theme
where I go back to places, again.
379
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,080
I'm like Jesus.
380
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:56,720
Is that right? Does that work?
381
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,960
[camera guy] Because he was resurrected?
Don't know if he went to the same places.
382
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,640
He must have done sometimes,
383
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,720
if he found a place
he liked for lunch, or whatever.
384
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,960
Carpenters are people of habit,
aren't they?
385
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,320
If they find a good spot,
they will go back there.
386
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:13,240
I just thought
it would be cool to visit some
387
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,200
key places in Crawley,
388
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,760
because I taught here and went here.
389
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,000
-[Dinesh] Yeah.
-You went here.
390
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:18,880
[Dinesh] Yeah.
391
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,120
[Romesh] You occasionally
turned up to Parents' Evenings.
392
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,000
[Shanthi] Yeah.
393
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,720
I was what you call "a social chameleon,"
394
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,040
which meant I would kiss any ass,
at any time, to try and look popular.
395
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,720
[in eager child's voice] "Yes,
I like them. Yes, I'm a fan of that."
396
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,080
Well, I had that,
but that's because we were fat kids.
397
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,520
-[Shanthi] Possible.
-[in Sri Lankan accent] "Possible."
398
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,440
[Dinesh laughs loudly]
399
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,320
[Dinesh in Sri Lankan accent]
"It is possible."
400
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,480
[in Sri Lankan accent] "This is the first
thing I agree with. You were fat kids."
401
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,600
"I have…"
402
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,000
"I wasn't enjoying the discussion,
403
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,920
but now there's something
I'm passionate about."
404
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,480
Why did you ask me
to drop you further down?
405
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,600
-Because he was embarrassed of you.
-You were embarrassed about me?
406
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:58,800
When girls used to phone the house,
and they'd say, "Oh, is Dinesh there?"
407
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,920
Mom would go, "Yeah, hold on one second."
[shrieks in Sri Lankan accent] "Dini!"
408
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:06,080
[laughs] Oh my God! Why would you do that?
409
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,000
[in Sri Lankan accent]
"Dini, you little virgin,
410
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,120
there's a phone call for you."
411
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,280
"Dinesh, bring your tiny penis down here,
and answer the phone."
412
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,600
-I never said things like that.
-[Dinesh] Did you not?
413
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:20,200
No! People might think I'm mad.
Using that word… I don't!
414
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,720
I think they might draw
that conclusion just from direct quotes,
415
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,280
rather than me making it seem like it.
416
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:25,160
Possible, yeah.
417
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,880
What did you think we were like at school?
418
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,400
I had a tough time with you.
419
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:33,080
When I'd send you to study upstairs,
you'd sit and read a book.
420
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,720
-That's it.
-Oh yeah. What a rebel.
421
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:35,600
[Shanthi] Yeah.
422
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,440
[Romesh] They said that we can go
to a classroom and chat to the kids.
423
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,280
What's your goal? What's your aim?
424
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,880
Well, just to, sort of, see what
their reaction is to me doing the special.
425
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,360
-[Shanthi] Okay.
-I mean, they might lose their minds.
426
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,680
[jaunty music playing]
427
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:58,120
-[Romesh] Hi.
-[teacher] Hi!
428
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,640
[Romesh] Hello. Hi. How are you?
429
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,600
-We've got a special guest here.
-[Romesh] Hello.
430
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:02,760
[Shanthi] Hi, everybody.
431
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,080
-[Romesh] We used to be colleagues.
-Absolutely, yep.
432
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,840
[Shanthi] How was he when he was teaching?
Was he a good teacher?
433
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,920
Well, he was teaching
in the next-door classroom.
434
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,040
Certainly, the kids
were enjoying themselves in there.
435
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:15,240
-[Shanthi] Yeah…
-Do you want to introduce yourself, then?
436
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:16,119
[Romesh] Yeah, sure.
437
00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:19,920
I'm Romesh Ranganathan, a comedian.
438
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,160
[Shanthi] I can…
Are you excited to see him, darling?
439
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:27,480
-Nobody is. I don't mean it in a bad way.
-Oh, there you are.
440
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,760
How does everyone feel
about the special that's coming up?
441
00:17:29,839 --> 00:17:32,400
The Netflix special?
Does anyone know about this?
442
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,280
I'm recording my show at the…
You know the Hawth?
443
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,240
-[students] Yeah.
-Best theater in the country.
444
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,200
-Yeah.
-Yes.
445
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,800
Did anyone go to see Cinderella?
446
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,840
Does anyone remember? Yeah.
Do you remember who the Magic Mirror was?
447
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:45,880
-Yes!
-[girl] You.
448
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:46,960
[Dinesh laughs]
449
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,400
-Yeah? Yes, guys!
-[Dinesh] I think… I think she's a plant.
450
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,840
You've got a great future ahead of you,
can I just tell you?
451
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,520
-[girls giggle]
-[Romesh] Thank you, guys.
452
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,440
-Take care--
-[Shanthi] I wish you all the best.
453
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,160
And be happy.
454
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,600
-Love you all.
-[student] Thank you.
455
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,840
-[Romesh] What?
-[Shanthi] Why? I thought you were going.
456
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:05,000
But I haven't started walking out yet.
You were like, "Peace out," like Elvis.
457
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,040
[boy] I have a question.
458
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,800
You've got a question?
Oh yeah! Sorry. For sure. Let's do it.
459
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:13,000
Did you ever feel like an outcast
at Hazelwick because of, like,
460
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,840
your ethnicity or your personality,
or anything like that?
461
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,680
-My personality?
-[boy] I don't know.
462
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,440
[all laughing]
463
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,040
You're a very nice man, I'm sure.
464
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:23,600
I'm sure you're a very nice man.
465
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,960
-I can see why you'd think that.
-Yeah, I must tell you--
466
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,680
-Whoa, whoa. No, no. This is--
-[Shanthi] You were a fat kid.
467
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,360
Remember that?
468
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,680
-Wobbly everywhere.
-Okay, enough. Enough.
469
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,280
Mom, you can't talk like that.
470
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,320
All right, thanks, guys.
Bye-bye! Take care.
471
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,280
[in Sri Lankan accent]
"See you later. Bye-bye!"
472
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:40,240
"Take care."
473
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,520
"Be happy."
474
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,040
[camera guy] Hold on. Were you
teaching here whilst doing stand-up?
475
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:48,200
[Romesh] Yeah, I was doing both.
So, I was burning the candle at both ends.
476
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,080
But I still did it.
477
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,400
And I still drove us
to the point of absolute
478
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,520
poverty and destitution
in order to chase that dream.
479
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,200
[laughs]
480
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,840
Even now, I, sort of, think to myself,
481
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:02,480
"You were doing something
that really made a difference."
482
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,360
"Teaching."
483
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,800
"It's one of the noblest professions,
one of the best things you can do."
484
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,000
And I was, like, on the path
to having a great career, and that.
485
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,520
And I thought, "Do you know what?
This isn't feeding my ego enough."
486
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,640
"I am fed up
487
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,480
with doing stuff that's child-centered."
488
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,000
"How about I do a job that's me-centered?"
489
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,240
"And not only am I gonna do that,
490
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,880
I am going to drive
our income down to the fucking ground
491
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,400
in order to make that happen."
492
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,480
I mean, in that way,
493
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,000
I am one of the worst people I know.
494
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:36,120
"Can you tell the people at home
495
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,400
about Netflix special?"
496
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,840
Yes, it's a stand-up comedy show.
497
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,440
Stand-up comedy, yeah.
498
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,680
Yeah.
499
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:47,680
And?
500
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,920
-Well--
-[Shanthi] That's it?
501
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,120
No, I haven't finished.
502
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,160
It's a stand-up comedy show
503
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:57,880
about my life and my, sort of, concerns
about what's going on in the world.
504
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,480
-It's a good show. You've seen it, right?
-I have seen it, yeah. Okay.
505
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,880
-Can I move on to--
-What's your favorite bit?
506
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,680
[laughs] I can't remember. Can't remember.
507
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,440
-What's any… Just name any bit from it.
-No, I can't.
508
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:09,760
-[Romesh] You can't?
-No.
509
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,920
Do you know any of the things
I talk about in the show?
510
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:15,440
No.
511
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,360
-How you became a comedian?
-[Romesh] No.
512
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,280
-Why you became a comedian?
-No.
513
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:22,880
No, then I can't help you.
514
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,000
I can't tell you.
515
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,280
You watched the show.
516
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:30,520
-Do you remember anything?
-To be honest with you, I lied to you.
517
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:31,880
I haven't watched the show.
518
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,840
I've done, like, 200 dates.
You've not watched one of them?
519
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,680
I can't remember.
It happened a long time ago.
520
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,320
[melancholic piano music playing]
521
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:42,640
[Leesa] Come on, Alex.
522
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,320
[Leesa groans and laughs]
523
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,560
-[Romesh] Right, can I just ask something?
-[Leesa] Hiya.
524
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:48,680
Yeah, go on.
525
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,520
I don't wanna sound like
I'm being, sort of, arrogant or whatever.
526
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:52,560
[Leesa] Hmm.
527
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,000
But I thought there would be
a bit more buzz about this…
528
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:56,600
show.
529
00:20:56,680 --> 00:21:00,600
No one's really mentioned it to me,
if I'm honest. No one's really said…
530
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,040
On the school run and stuff,
no one's said anything to me.
531
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,040
[Romesh] Has anybody
asked for comps, or anything?
532
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,000
[Leesa] No.
533
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,040
-[Alex] Mom, think fast.
-I'm not sure what you expected.
534
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,040
Like, everyone to be, like,
really excited, skipping down the road,
535
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:15,400
like, "Yay!
Romesh is doing his Netflix special!"
536
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,320
[Alex cheering] Yay!
537
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:18,760
-[Leesa] Like that.
-[Romesh] Okay.
538
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,760
-[Charlie] Yay!
-Everyone's taking the mickey now.
539
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,600
[Alex] Well, our Stages tickets
are being talked about.
540
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,960
Are you telling me that my special
is getting the same level of hype
541
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,760
as the Stages' musical show?
542
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,120
They could hand some flyers out
to everyone at school.
543
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,080
Yeah.
544
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,280
I'm not handing out flyers.
545
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,520
-Do you not think that's mental?
-We could do it in the morning. And then--
546
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,160
No, no, look… I don't think…
Are you processing what I'm saying?
547
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,440
-[Charlie] No, make--
-I think this is all in your head.
548
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,920
-And I think there is a buzz about it.
-It is all in my head.
549
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,240
-Nobody's bloody talking about it.
-There is buzz about it.
550
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,560
You've not heard
any single person talk about it?
551
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,960
Not to me, but maybe
I should start a conversation.
552
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,240
-Have you heard about Romesh's--
-Okay. Let's roleplay it.
553
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:58,840
-Imagine I'm at the school gates.
-Okay.
554
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,080
Hello, are you all right? Nice weekend?
555
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,360
-[Charlie] What are you doing?
-Yes, it was a nice weekend, thank you.
556
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,000
-Quite lonely--
-Have you heard Romesh is doing a…?
557
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,240
[laughs] I can't do it.
558
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,280
-You can't even--
-[Charlie] A Netflix special!
559
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:15,240
A Netflix special at The Hawth,
if you would like to go?
560
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,880
-Isn't Romesh your husband?
-Yeah.
561
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,280
-If you've got no plans--
-[Romesh] So, is he struggling?
562
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,160
No.
563
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:21,800
What's the show like?
564
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,120
-[Leesa] Yeah, it's really good.
-[Romesh] What's it about?
565
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:25,400
Um…
566
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,960
-He's been doing it for three years.
-I know.
567
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,200
-And you've only been once?
-I've got three kids, and, you know, it's…
568
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:32,520
Oh look, here's Charlie.
569
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,320
-Right, must dash. Bye!
-[Alex whines] What?
570
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,480
-You just forgot me.
-[Leesa] Oh sorry, Alex.
571
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:37,360
Yeah,
572
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,840
you didn't know what was in the show,
and you left one of your children behind.
573
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:45,120
Nobody seems to know I'm doing it.
I mean, the tickets have gone on sale.
574
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,280
Nobody I talk to knows I'm doing it.
575
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:49,800
Mom sometimes forgets.
576
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:51,760
So,
577
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,480
yeah, it's not how
I was hoping it was gonna be.
578
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,840
I… I genuinely…
Look, I'm in a safe space here, okay?
579
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,680
I'm gonna let down the barriers
of my wanting to look, sort of, humble.
580
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,320
Why the fuck
isn't everyone going crazy about this?
581
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,120
Crawley is a shithole.
582
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,680
The Hawth is shit.
583
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,120
I'm doing an international Netflix special
584
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:12,840
at your fucking shithole theater
585
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,520
that looks like a disused leisure center,
586
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,480
and nobody gives a fuck.
587
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,040
It's mental.
588
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:20,960
Why are people not out of their houses?
589
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,400
"Oh, isn't that the guy
doing the Netflix special?"
590
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,400
"Hey, Rom. You're doing The Hawth."
Nobody fucking knows.
591
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,800
"Did you enjoy family holidays
592
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,960
we took you on as a child?"
593
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,040
Why… Why are you asking me that?
594
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:39,080
This is an opportunity
for me to ask that question.
595
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,280
Yeah, but this isn't the only opportunity
for you to ask me that question, is it?
596
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,960
-I mean, you're my mom.
-When did I interview you?
597
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,560
Mom, why can't you ask me about holidays,
like, when we're just at home?
598
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:52,240
This is, like, a…
Like, they've set up lights, and shit.
599
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,880
"Jesus Christ!"
600
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:55,960
[laughs]
601
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,680
[laughs] "Did you enjoy
the family holidays
602
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,120
we took you on as a child?"
603
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,040
Yes.
604
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:03,920
[Shanthi] Thank you.
605
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:08,000
"Do you think you're a good brother and--"
-Jesus fucking Christ.
606
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:13,600
"Would you bring your brother on holiday
if such an opportunity comes?"
607
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,920
[Romesh] What's the deal with the holiday?
This is the second question you've asked--
608
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,280
[Shanthi] You're going on…
You're going to Portugal on holiday.
609
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:21,200
Yeah.
610
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,920
I would have loved to join you.
611
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,200
But…
612
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:27,680
you didn't mention anything,
613
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:29,760
so I'm the sort of person…
614
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,080
I won't ask you.
615
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,960
Can I join you in Portugal?
616
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,760
-[Shanthi sniggers]
-Pardon?
617
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,760
-[Dinesh] Did you speak to Leesa?
-[Shanthi] Yeah.
618
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,280
Mom, is it possible to get Dinesh
a can of "Shut the Fuck Up"?
619
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,720
-[Leesa and Shanthi shriek with laughter]
-[Alex] Hey, Dad.
620
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:45,000
You're acting like we're not here,
and you're swearing, all willy-nilly.
621
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:46,160
[Shanthi laughs]
622
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,840
I am in the room,
and you have to respect that.
623
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,200
-[laughter]
-What are you talking about?
624
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,320
Have you two
had a conversation without me?
625
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,280
-Yeah.
-We've had many conversations without you.
626
00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:57,200
No, about--
627
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,440
Moaning about how I've put on weight,
why did I marry a white woman…
628
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,000
-It's not stuff I want to involve you in.
-[Leesa] Yeah.
629
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,520
You had a conversation
about Portugal without me?
630
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,520
I've talked about… I've talked
about us going on holiday to Portugal.
631
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,280
-The five of us are going.
-[Romesh] Yeah.
632
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,280
Do you want your mom
to come to Portugal with us?
633
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,640
-Do I want my mom to come to Portugal?
-That's a good question.
634
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,000
-[Leesa] Yeah.
-Answer Leesa.
635
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,440
-[Dinesh] Remember, she listens.
-Yeah, answer her, Dad.
636
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:20,480
[Shanthi] Answer her.
637
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,560
Well, do you want
to come to Portugal with us?
638
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,160
You just asked your mom
to come to Portugal with us.
639
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,680
-[Shanthi] This is how you fool children.
-You invited your mom.
640
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,320
-[Romesh] I've not invited--
-You did!
641
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,560
-[Romesh] When?
-Just now!
642
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,520
-[Romesh] When? What did I say?
-You asked if she wants to come.
643
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,600
No, no! God, no.
That was hypothetical. I said… No!
644
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,360
[Leesa] If I say, "Yes," you're gonna…
645
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,280
-Jump at the chance, yes.
-Exactly.
646
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,560
[Romesh] It feels like you want this.
I didn't invite her.
647
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:44,880
Who doesn't want me to come?
648
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,200
-That's what I'm--
-If I say no--
649
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:47,480
[Romesh] Hold on. Okay, no--
650
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,800
-Right, tell me the truth, Romesh.
-Okay, fine. No, listen.
651
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,400
[Leesa] I think we need to have a chat.
652
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:52,720
-[Romesh] Why?
-On our own.
653
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,240
-[Shanthi] Yeah.
-What do you mean?
654
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,360
Because you just invited
your mom on holiday with us.
655
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,920
This is the third time
you've said this. I've not once--
656
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,840
If I say no,
I'm gonna upset your mom, aren't I?
657
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,440
Okay. How subtle is it
that you're saying we'll have a separate--
658
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,120
That's why we need this conversation--
659
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,160
[Romesh] And then
I'm gonna come back and go, "No."
660
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:08,040
What would you…
661
00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:12,120
[in Sri Lankan accent] "I wonder what
happened in that private conversation."
662
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,680
-[Leesa] No, but--
-"It's so difficult to figure it out."
663
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,400
"Leesa must want me,
664
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,760
because she didn't
say anything in front of me."
665
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,480
"And then they got another conversation
separately, and now I'm not going."
666
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:23,920
[Dinesh laughs and abruptly stops]
667
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,280
I think we should talk about this later.
668
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:27,760
[Romesh] Yeah, okay. Yeah.
669
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:33,800
Your Mom's not coming with us.
670
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,480
Why don't you take her away,
just the two of you, later in the year?
671
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,280
Why the fuck would I wanna do that?
672
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,680
"What is next for Romesh Ranganathan?"
673
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,240
What's next
is I'm going on holiday to Portugal,
674
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:45,600
immediately after we record this.
675
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:47,280
-What a boring thing.
-Well, that is--
676
00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:48,840
Maybe it's excitement for you.
677
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,320
"I'm going on holiday to Portugal."
678
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,240
Thank you, Romi.
679
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,200
-Shall I give you a secret?
-[Romesh] Go on.
680
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,720
I have been to your shows.
681
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,680
I meet all the people who work with you.
682
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,000
They talked about you so high -
683
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,480
how friendly you are,
684
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,360
and you look after them,
and you're nice to them.
685
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,720
As a mother,
686
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,280
I have brought you up nicely.
687
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:15,720
Made me so proud,
688
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:17,560
honest to God.
689
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,040
Good. That's another great question.
690
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,720
And what I liked about that question was,
not only did it not require an answer,
691
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:23,960
it was bigging you up.
692
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,080
It was great. An absolute double whammy.
693
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,360
-Well, thank you very much, Mom.
-Thank you, darling…
694
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,840
-This has been good.
-…for giving me the opportunity.
695
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,840
-So, I enjoyed it thoroughly.
-Yeah, it was great.
696
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:33,720
[Shanthi] Okay.
697
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,800
And sort of, as a final surprise,
698
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:41,160
kind of, the icing on this cake that,
if I'm being honest, is made of dog shit,
699
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,920
I've actually organized
for, like, a nice little sign
700
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,920
on The Hawth,
to, kind of, commemorate my return
701
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,280
to The Hawth Theater in Crawley.
702
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,480
[camera guy] What are you
hoping for when they see it?
703
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,320
This is exactly what I'm hoping for.
I'll act it out for you.
704
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:57,280
So, my mom…
705
00:27:57,360 --> 00:27:58,800
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Romi, what…?"
706
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,440
[grandiose orchestral music playing]
707
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:02,720
She doesn't have glasses.
708
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,400
[in Sri Lankan accent]
"Romesh Ranganathan is home."
709
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,120
[sobs] "My God…"
710
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,920
"This… You know what this reminds me of?"
711
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,160
"When your father
first fucked his secretary."
712
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:17,480
Something like that.
713
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,440
[grandiose music continues playing]
714
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:22,440
So, there you go. Look.
715
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,320
-What do you think?
-[Dinesh] He's home.
716
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:26,240
[music fades out]
717
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,640
-[Shanthi] You're home?
-He's only gone and gone home.
718
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,000
I'm so excited to see this sign.
719
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,120
[Romesh] What do you mean?
You're seeing it right now.
720
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,440
Some people will think,
"Oh, Romesh is playing The Hawth."
721
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,760
And other people will think,
"He's finally being deported."
722
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,960
-[Dinesh and Shanthi laugh]
-[Romesh] What do you think?
723
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,240
-Is it too much?
-[Dinesh] Mm.
724
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,040
What do you think? You like it?
725
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,400
Well, I asked for it,
and it's up there now.
726
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,000
-So, you can guess my opinion.
-So, why are you asking now?
727
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,600
-It's up there. It's permanent. It's done.
-Why are you asking us?
728
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,960
"What do you think? Is it too much?" What?
729
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,720
Okay, let me start again. Here's the sign.
Couldn't give a shiny shit what you think.
730
00:28:57,800 --> 00:28:59,400
[Dinesh] Yeah, they spelled it correctly.
731
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,200
-We're good.
-Fine. Let's just forget it.
732
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,600
-I regret you seeing the sign.
-[Shanthi] Don't be like that.
733
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,080
-Be nice to us.
-I show you the sign. "What do you think?"
734
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,600
[in Sri Lankan accent]
"Why didn't you involve us earlier?"
735
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,560
[camera guy] What would a young Romesh
make of where you're at today?
736
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,920
I think he would have been excited,
do you know what I mean?
737
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,960
As a young, sort of, masturbating loner,
738
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:18,480
I can't imagine
739
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,720
that he ever thought he'd end up being
740
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,360
a comedian returning
to do a Netflix special in his hometown.
741
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:24,640
I think he'd be excited.
742
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,600
He'd probably go back to the bathroom
and have a second go.
743
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:29,960
["Rom's Theme" playing]