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[suspenseful orchestral music playing]
[suspenseful music crescendo]
[thunderous applause and cheering]
Want anything from Wagamama's?
[audience whooping]
[audience whistling and applauding]
[shouts excitedly] Hello, Crawley!
[thunderous applause and cheering]
[suspenseful music continues playing]
Will you include us?
In this, my solo stand-up special?
I wanted my mom to interview me.
Because I'm being honest, she wasn't even my first choice.
She wouldn't even be my first-choice Sri Lankan woman over 60.
Crawley is a shithole.
I'm doing an international Netflix special
at your fucking shithole theater
that looks like a disused leisure center,
and nobody gives a fuck.
Are you okay?
[suspenseful music climaxes and fades out]
"I'm sitting here with a comedian called Romesh Ranganathan."
Who are you talking to now?
Like, do it out to the camera.
-I am Romesh's mom, Shanthi Ranganathan. -Okay. Do you wanna start from the top?
Well, I'm trying to help you. You could get a chat show off of this.
-So, go on. -[Shanthi] Okay.
I'm Shanthi Ranganathan,
Romesh's mom.
So, I just want to introduce myself first.
"I'm sitting here with a comedian called Romesh Ranganathan."
"Let's start talking about Netflix special."
Okay. That's a good intro. Did you write that?
-Yes. No. -Okay, that was an insane pause.
-Dinesh. -Oh, all right. Okay. Go on.
"Let's get to know you."
"What makes you interesting for the people of Netflix?"
Can you explain that for me?
Uh… Um… I don't know what makes--
What do you mean? That's not the answer. Ah, ooh, ah…
Just say it properly. What is it?
I don't… Like, what makes me interesting for the people of Netflix?
-[Shanthi] Yeah. -I'm not the Tiger King.
I'm doing a stand-up special on there.
[suspenseful orchestral music playing]
-[camera guy] Why are we here today? -Basically, I…
Leesa, the kids, my mom, my brother,
they don't know that I'm doing this,
that I'm doing a Netflix special.
I just, sort of, think
it'll be a nice thing to announce to them.
I think my mom will be proud and…
Leesa will be proud, I hope. The kids will be…
My kids very rarely… They don't give a shit about what I do, really.
So, hopefully, they'll be, sort of, excited.
I do stand-up comedy. You know that, don't you?
-[Alex] Yeah. -[Romesh] Funny.
-Yeah. -[Romesh] National treasure status.
-Sure. -[Romesh] Okay. So…
[laughter]
I am doing my tour show.
I'm gonna film it,
and then they're gonna put it on Netflix.
So, what do we have to do? Will you include us?
-In this, my solo stand-up special? -[Shanthi] Yeah.
Well, I can put you in the credits.
-This is an opportunity. It's Netflix. -Put us in the credits.
"Thanks for getting rid of any excess self-esteem,
Shanthi Ranganathan."
Aw, thanks.
"Thank you for the ongoing anxiety about choices I've made,
Shanthi Ranganathan."
[Romesh laughs]
-[Alex] You're overexaggerating. -What about the vitamin tablets?
No, you're right, sorry. You did give me vitamin tablets.
-[Shanthi] There you are. That's what-- -That offsets the years of counselling.
[laughter]
[in Sri Lankan accent] "At least you ran through the damage."
-Dad. -[Romesh] Yeah?
[in Sri Lankan accent] "But a bit of zinc."
[Dinesh laughs] Yeah.
Can I get a fucking bone?
It's, like, going on a worldwide platform.
"Oh, do you think your mom could get a cameo?"
Why?
This is the only family where, if you say that you're doing something, they go…
[in Sri Lankan accent] "What's my part?"
You don't see that in any other specials.
You don't see Chris Rock go…
[imitates Chris Rock] "Let me introduce to you Mrs. Rock,"
and then she comes out and does a bit.
What are you talking about?
-Well done, though. It's really good news. -Good job.
-Thank you-- -[Shanthi] That's your wife.
She has to support you, whether you like it…
She likes it or not.
Mom's attitude towards marriage. What is that?
Leesa has to support me, whether she likes it or not?
-Definitely. You're her husband. -Were you proud of our dad?
-No, but the thing is-- -At the beginning, yes, I was.
Well, how long was that? Because it wasn't when we were alive.
[all laughing]
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Why the hell did my life put this asshole into it?"
-Leesa-- -Oh no. Don't get me involved.
When you go for a meal or when you're at a party,
if your husband starts staring at a woman,
would you like him?
-No. -[Romesh] This is such a great--
-That… That's what happened to me. -[Romesh] Great chat about my special.
I knew that you could bring it into any conversation.
What I didn't anticipate was that I would talk about doing a Netflix special…
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Your bloody father!"
[Dinesh laughs loudly]
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Will there be women? Your father would've loved that."
"If he was sitting in the theater, I would be here, here, here, here…"
[Alex laughs]
Let's get to the bullet points.
I'm doing a Netflix special. None of you are in it, okay?
-I just wanna get that established. -Oh, okay.
You're rude.
[camera guy] How's it going, Rom?
I thought I was gonna come here, announce the special,
hug everyone, there's a lot of love in the room.
Now, what's turned out is, I've announced the special,
I've left the room not liking anyone I've left in there, to be honest.
So, Mom, I was gonna ask you to interview me,
but based on your performance today, I've got to be honest, I'm in doubts.
The remit of the thing is we're introducing me to a new audience, right?
So, have a think of a couple of questions, what you might ask me.
What made you join Netflix?
-Or they invited you-- -I've not joined Netflix.
-[Shanthi laughs] Sorry! -[Dinesh] When did they offer you the job?
-You are doing the Netflix. -Yeah. "You are doing the Netflix."
Okay, ask me the question. Ask the question.
The question was…
I forgot.
-I think… I think it's gonna be great. -[Dinesh] Great, yeah.
[Alex groans dejectedly]
-What's your problem? -[Shanthi laughing]
It's just you two doing your stupid interview.
-[Romesh] That's what it is, an interview. -Yeah, but don't do the prep while we--
You can't be in it if you're just sighing in boredom every time--
-Why can't you do it when we're not here? -[Romesh] Yeah, I would… You know what?
[Shanthi and Dinesh laugh]
-No, but-- -I bet he wishes you did.
[Dinesh laughs loudly]
Do you watch any of your dad's programs, darling?
No, Mom says I'm not allowed.
There's too much swearing.
I don't care. My friends watch it. Why can't I watch my own father?
You don't even wanna watch him when he's in front of you.
-[Dinesh laughs loudly] -Why do you wanna watch him on TV?
"Why do you think your brother, Dinesh, is so much more helpful
and always finds the time to help me out?"
Sometimes I'm just busy with work and stuff.
Right, as soon as you finish your work,
at least, you can text me, "Mom, you called. Anything urgent?"
[Romesh] Yeah, and it never is urgent.
Remember, once, you said, "Call me urgently."
Then I called you, and you said, "What size trouser are you?"
Because you put on weight. I just wanted to find out the right size.
-Yeah? -[Romesh] You… Like…
Like, what's the point? What is the job of this bit?
What are we trying to do?
To find out about you more.
-Why you're doing a Netflix special… -Yeah.
And,
little things like that, just let the public know.
All of the questions have to follow that mission, yeah?
[Shanthi] Okay.
"Let's dig deeper into your Netflix special."
"Why are we in Crawley?"
We're in Crawley because--
[Shanthi] Yeah.
-I grew up in Crawley. -Yeah.
I worked in Crawley, and I still live in Crawley.
Okay.
So, it's, you know, part of my whole
life.
So, I thought it would be a good thing
to bring the special here to Crawley, at The Hawth,
my local theater.
What a beautiful answer you have given. That's made me so happy.
-Good. -[Shanthi] Are you happy?
Yeah.
What I wanna do now is tell them that,
actually, I've made the decision of shooting
the special right here.
Not here, but in Crawley, at The Hawth.
The Hawth Theater.
[camera guy] Does it look nice?
[Romesh] From the outside? No, it's horrendous.
But inside…
[upbeat orchestral music playing]
[Romesh] It's similar to what the outside suggests, to be honest.
But I wouldn't get any exterior shots, would be my advice.
[camera guy] I've hired a drone.
Well, I hope it goes high.
Boys, can I have a little, quick word with you, please?
[Alex] Yeah, sure.
I just wanted to tell you… So, you know I was telling you about this special?
I'm gonna tell you where it is,
and then I want your honest reaction, okay?
Basically, I've decided
to do it at…
-Our house. -[Romesh] No.
The Hawth in Crawley.
Really?
-Wow! -[Leesa] Here?
-[Romesh] Pardon? -In Crawley?
-Yeah. -That's where we're doing our show.
What do you mean, you're doing your show there?
-[Alex] We are. -What show?
We're doing dancing and acting, and stuff like that.
-Not in the big room, where I'm doing it? -[Leesa] Yeah.
-In the big-boy room. -[Leesa] Next week.
So, they're doing a kids' show in the same room that I'm doing the special in?
That's why I was saying to you… I thought you'd do it somewhere prestigious.
So, I'm gonna walk on to do my special and think,
"This is the same stage
where such greats as Alex and Charlie Ranganathan have performed"?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-[Alex] What's wrong with it? -There's nothing wrong with it.
Are you okay?
-[Romesh] Yeah, I'm fine. It's just… -You look depressed.
So, the week before I'm doing the special,
my kids are doing three sold out shows at The Hawth.
For, like, a kids' production.
A kids' production
is doing the same-length run as my Netflix special.
[violin music plays dramatically and fades out]
"Let's talk about life on the road."
"Do Leesa and the kids miss you?"
"How do you keep them…"
"Keep the romance alive?"
With Leesa and the kids?
-No, I meant that… Leesa. -[Romesh] Right.
[Shanthi] "When you are away…"
[laughs] "Have you tried sexy calls?"
-What? -Sexy calls to your wife.
-[Romesh] Sexy calls? -Yeah.
Sexy calls to your wife.
-To keep the romance alive. -[Romesh groans] What is this?
Why do you make sexy calls, son?
Why do you make sexy calls?
I'm gonna be honest, it's the first time I've heard the phrase "sexy calls."
-What do you mean, "sexy calls"? -Do you want me to say?
[in breathy voice] "Hi, Leesa."
"What are you wearing today?"
[Shanthi snorts with laughter]
[Shanthi giggles] That's like…
[laughs] "Are you wearing the underwear I bought you?"
Those are the sexy questions.
Why do I have to tell you?
Are you trying to tell me you never talk to Leesa
with a sexy voice?
-No. -[Shanthi] Never?
Never.
Did you ever speak to Dad with a sexy voice?
I might have done it when I was 20 - 21.
After that, he pissed me off. So, no sexy calls. No sexy calls.
-So, you did sexy calls with Dad? -Yeah! Why not?
[Romesh] What did you say?
I can't tell you certain things.
-It's a bit rude. -"Just got permanent residency."
[Shanthi laughing]
[in Sri Lankan accent] "You dirty bastard."
[Shanthi giggles] No…
-"Why are you with another woman?" -[groans in exasperation] Oh my God!
-[upbeat music playing] -[camera guy] What's the plan for today?
The point of today
is to get a bit of insight into Crawley and, kind of, its effects on me, I guess.
So,
I picked a few things that we can do.
I'm taking
Din and my mom,
and we're just gonna have a chat about, kind of, my background, hopefully.
I thought that we could
go to Broadfield, which is, sort of,
where I, kind of, spent most of my childhood,
on this council estate and…
It would just be nice to, kind of,
talk about our experiences there.
You know, Broadfield, kind of, made me, even maybe more so than Crawley itself.
This is the house I started my stand-up career in. No, I didn't start it here.
I started doing stand-up when I was living here.
I once… I once jumped out… You know the window out the back?
I jumped out of my room, and I'd sneak out at whatever time,
and I remember landing on the…
And getting up,
and Dad was staring at me through the window.
[imitates panicked groan and laughs]
-After shagging a girl? -[Dinesh sighs]
-Why bring it up every time? -[Shanthi] I'm trying to find out.
It's bad for me as well, because I wasn't shagging a girl.
[Dinesh] Yeah.
You wanted me to be a virgin until I was 37.
Well done. Dream achieved.
[Dinesh] Which he was, for most of it.
-That's why you studied hard. -The first time didn't really count.
[Dinesh laughs]
Okay.
-[Romesh] What? -[Shanthi] You've done well.
You were a virgin until you were 37.
[Dinesh snorts with laughter]
[all laughing]
I was joking.
I was 35.
-[Dinesh laughs] -I'll tell you who wasn't a virgin. Dad.
[all laughing]
[Dinesh snorting with laughter]
[Shanthi] Dad disappeared.
[Romesh] Absolute sauce man.
He had so much sex in his married life, didn't he? It was incredible, yeah.
And you found--
It's very rare to envy your dead dad's action levels.
Player!
[all laughing]
You… Both of you were fast asleep, but I knew where he was going.
Where was he going?
Bewbush.
[groans] Oh God!
-[Dinesh] This is gonna get very specific. -[Shanthi] I went there.
The woman he fancied… His car was there.
-I turned the car and came back. -[Dinesh] Didn't wanna get him?
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Hope you smash it hard. See you later."
[Dinesh and Shanthi laugh]
[Dinesh howls with laughter] That was a good impression.
-[Shanthi] Anyway… -[Dinesh] Just Mom at the window…
[all laughing]
[in Sri Lankan accent] "That's the ass I recognize going up and down.
"Okay. See you. Have fun."
[all laughing]
It was weird. I didn't expect Mom to talk about how Dad cheated on her.
Why? I was pretending that I didn't know anything about it.
Mom, you told us every morning on the way to school. We knew about it, all right?
-It was fine. -He was missing--
I knew Dad was cheating before I knew my times tables.
[Dinesh howls with laughter]
Just read the story.
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Before I start, your dad is a cheating bastard."
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Five times four?"
[all laughing]
-That's the truth. -[Romesh] Yeah.
-Anyway, but despite all of that-- -[Shanthi] Yeah.
-There are happy memories-- -I suffered.
-I'm struggling to remember them. -But I made sure you were happy.
-You did. -[Dinesh] What happened--
-I used to do a lot of overtime. -[Romesh] Hmm.
-[Dinesh] Yeah. -And to--
[Romesh] That did make us happy.
You were out.
[all laughing]
[Dinesh] "Can you get another shift in, Mom?"
God, we're really struggling.
[Dinesh laughs]
-Anyway, I'm glad we've done this. -[Shanthi] Okay.
[whimsical music playing]
[camera guy] So, how did it feel to come back here?
I've got pleasant memories here.
It wasn't like I went back there, and I went, "Oh my God."
Like, "Thank God I escaped these streets, you know?"
It wasn't like that.
I liked it in Broadfield. It was fun.
You know, your car got firebombed every now and again.
You'd find weed knocking about.
If you went past the off-license,
a crack addict would demand that you bought him some cider.
But apart from that,
I loved it there.
Well, next, we are going to Hazelwick School…
where I was a student,
just after we, kind of, moved into Broadfield,
and I also went back to be a teacher.
This will be a running theme where I go back to places, again.
I'm like Jesus.
Is that right? Does that work?
[camera guy] Because he was resurrected? Don't know if he went to the same places.
He must have done sometimes,
if he found a place he liked for lunch, or whatever.
Carpenters are people of habit, aren't they?
If they find a good spot, they will go back there.
I just thought it would be cool to visit some
key places in Crawley,
because I taught here and went here.
-[Dinesh] Yeah. -You went here.
[Dinesh] Yeah.
[Romesh] You occasionally turned up to Parents' Evenings.
[Shanthi] Yeah.
I was what you call "a social chameleon,"
which meant I would kiss any ass, at any time, to try and look popular.
[in eager child's voice] "Yes, I like them. Yes, I'm a fan of that."
Well, I had that, but that's because we were fat kids.
-[Shanthi] Possible. -[in Sri Lankan accent] "Possible."
[Dinesh laughs loudly]
[Dinesh in Sri Lankan accent] "It is possible."
[in Sri Lankan accent] "This is the first thing I agree with. You were fat kids."
"I have…"
"I wasn't enjoying the discussion,
but now there's something I'm passionate about."
Why did you ask me to drop you further down?
-Because he was embarrassed of you. -You were embarrassed about me?
When girls used to phone the house, and they'd say, "Oh, is Dinesh there?"
Mom would go, "Yeah, hold on one second." [shrieks in Sri Lankan accent] "Dini!"
[laughs] Oh my God! Why would you do that?
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Dini, you little virgin,
there's a phone call for you."
"Dinesh, bring your tiny penis down here, and answer the phone."
-I never said things like that. -[Dinesh] Did you not?
No! People might think I'm mad. Using that word… I don't!
I think they might draw that conclusion just from direct quotes,
rather than me making it seem like it.
Possible, yeah.
What did you think we were like at school?
I had a tough time with you.
When I'd send you to study upstairs, you'd sit and read a book.
-That's it. -Oh yeah. What a rebel.
[Shanthi] Yeah.
[Romesh] They said that we can go to a classroom and chat to the kids.
What's your goal? What's your aim?
Well, just to, sort of, see what their reaction is to me doing the special.
-[Shanthi] Okay. -I mean, they might lose their minds.
[jaunty music playing]
-[Romesh] Hi. -[teacher] Hi!
[Romesh] Hello. Hi. How are you?
-We've got a special guest here. -[Romesh] Hello.
[Shanthi] Hi, everybody.
-[Romesh] We used to be colleagues. -Absolutely, yep.
[Shanthi] How was he when he was teaching? Was he a good teacher?
Well, he was teaching in the next-door classroom.
Certainly, the kids were enjoying themselves in there.
-[Shanthi] Yeah… -Do you want to introduce yourself, then?
[Romesh] Yeah, sure.
I'm Romesh Ranganathan, a comedian.
[Shanthi] I can… Are you excited to see him, darling?
-Nobody is. I don't mean it in a bad way. -Oh, there you are.
How does everyone feel about the special that's coming up?
The Netflix special? Does anyone know about this?
I'm recording my show at the… You know the Hawth?
-[students] Yeah. -Best theater in the country.
-Yeah. -Yes.
Did anyone go to see Cinderella?
Does anyone remember? Yeah. Do you remember who the Magic Mirror was?
-Yes! -[girl] You.
[Dinesh laughs]
-Yeah? Yes, guys! -[Dinesh] I think… I think she's a plant.
You've got a great future ahead of you, can I just tell you?
-[girls giggle] -[Romesh] Thank you, guys.
-Take care-- -[Shanthi] I wish you all the best.
And be happy.
-Love you all. -[student] Thank you.
-[Romesh] What? -[Shanthi] Why? I thought you were going.
But I haven't started walking out yet. You were like, "Peace out," like Elvis.
[boy] I have a question.
You've got a question? Oh yeah! Sorry. For sure. Let's do it.
Did you ever feel like an outcast at Hazelwick because of, like,
your ethnicity or your personality, or anything like that?
-My personality? -[boy] I don't know.
[all laughing]
You're a very nice man, I'm sure.
I'm sure you're a very nice man.
-I can see why you'd think that. -Yeah, I must tell you--
-Whoa, whoa. No, no. This is-- -[Shanthi] You were a fat kid.
Remember that?
-Wobbly everywhere. -Okay, enough. Enough.
Mom, you can't talk like that.
All right, thanks, guys. Bye-bye! Take care.
[in Sri Lankan accent] "See you later. Bye-bye!"
"Take care."
"Be happy."
[camera guy] Hold on. Were you teaching here whilst doing stand-up?
[Romesh] Yeah, I was doing both. So, I was burning the candle at both ends.
But I still did it.
And I still drove us to the point of absolute
poverty and destitution in order to chase that dream.
[laughs]
Even now, I, sort of, think to myself,
"You were doing something that really made a difference."
"Teaching."
"It's one of the noblest professions, one of the best things you can do."
And I was, like, on the path to having a great career, and that.
And I thought, "Do you know what? This isn't feeding my ego enough."
"I am fed up
with doing stuff that's child-centered."
"How about I do a job that's me-centered?"
"And not only am I gonna do that,
I am going to drive our income down to the fucking ground
in order to make that happen."
I mean, in that way,
I am one of the worst people I know.
"Can you tell the people at home
about Netflix special?"
Yes, it's a stand-up comedy show.
Stand-up comedy, yeah.
Yeah.
And?
-Well-- -[Shanthi] That's it?
No, I haven't finished.
It's a stand-up comedy show
about my life and my, sort of, concerns about what's going on in the world.
-It's a good show. You've seen it, right? -I have seen it, yeah. Okay.
-Can I move on to-- -What's your favorite bit?
[laughs] I can't remember. Can't remember.
-What's any… Just name any bit from it. -No, I can't.
-[Romesh] You can't? -No.
Do you know any of the things I talk about in the show?
No.
-How you became a comedian? -[Romesh] No.
-Why you became a comedian? -No.
No, then I can't help you.
I can't tell you.
You watched the show.
-Do you remember anything? -To be honest with you, I lied to you.
I haven't watched the show.
I've done, like, 200 dates. You've not watched one of them?
I can't remember. It happened a long time ago.
[melancholic piano music playing]
[Leesa] Come on, Alex.
[Leesa groans and laughs]
-[Romesh] Right, can I just ask something? -[Leesa] Hiya.
Yeah, go on.
I don't wanna sound like I'm being, sort of, arrogant or whatever.
[Leesa] Hmm.
But I thought there would be a bit more buzz about this…
show.
No one's really mentioned it to me, if I'm honest. No one's really said…
On the school run and stuff, no one's said anything to me.
[Romesh] Has anybody asked for comps, or anything?
[Leesa] No.
-[Alex] Mom, think fast. -I'm not sure what you expected.
Like, everyone to be, like, really excited, skipping down the road,
like, "Yay! Romesh is doing his Netflix special!"
[Alex cheering] Yay!
-[Leesa] Like that. -[Romesh] Okay.
-[Charlie] Yay! -Everyone's taking the mickey now.
[Alex] Well, our Stages tickets are being talked about.
Are you telling me that my special is getting the same level of hype
as the Stages' musical show?
They could hand some flyers out to everyone at school.
Yeah.
I'm not handing out flyers.
-Do you not think that's mental? -We could do it in the morning. And then--
No, no, look… I don't think… Are you processing what I'm saying?
-[Charlie] No, make-- -I think this is all in your head.
-And I think there is a buzz about it. -It is all in my head.
-Nobody's bloody talking about it. -There is buzz about it.
You've not heard any single person talk about it?
Not to me, but maybe I should start a conversation.
-Have you heard about Romesh's-- -Okay. Let's roleplay it.
-Imagine I'm at the school gates. -Okay.
Hello, are you all right? Nice weekend?
-[Charlie] What are you doing? -Yes, it was a nice weekend, thank you.
-Quite lonely-- -Have you heard Romesh is doing a…?
[laughs] I can't do it.
-You can't even-- -[Charlie] A Netflix special!
A Netflix special at The Hawth, if you would like to go?
-Isn't Romesh your husband? -Yeah.
-If you've got no plans-- -[Romesh] So, is he struggling?
No.
What's the show like?
-[Leesa] Yeah, it's really good. -[Romesh] What's it about?
Um…
-He's been doing it for three years. -I know.
-And you've only been once? -I've got three kids, and, you know, it's…
Oh look, here's Charlie.
-Right, must dash. Bye! -[Alex whines] What?
-You just forgot me. -[Leesa] Oh sorry, Alex.
Yeah,
you didn't know what was in the show, and you left one of your children behind.
Nobody seems to know I'm doing it. I mean, the tickets have gone on sale.
Nobody I talk to knows I'm doing it.
Mom sometimes forgets.
So,
yeah, it's not how I was hoping it was gonna be.
I… I genuinely… Look, I'm in a safe space here, okay?
I'm gonna let down the barriers of my wanting to look, sort of, humble.
Why the fuck isn't everyone going crazy about this?
Crawley is a shithole.
The Hawth is shit.
I'm doing an international Netflix special
at your fucking shithole theater
that looks like a disused leisure center,
and nobody gives a fuck.
It's mental.
Why are people not out of their houses?
"Oh, isn't that the guy doing the Netflix special?"
"Hey, Rom. You're doing The Hawth." Nobody fucking knows.
"Did you enjoy family holidays
we took you on as a child?"
Why… Why are you asking me that?
This is an opportunity for me to ask that question.
Yeah, but this isn't the only opportunity for you to ask me that question, is it?
-I mean, you're my mom. -When did I interview you?
Mom, why can't you ask me about holidays, like, when we're just at home?
This is, like, a… Like, they've set up lights, and shit.
"Jesus Christ!"
[laughs]
[laughs] "Did you enjoy the family holidays
we took you on as a child?"
Yes.
[Shanthi] Thank you.
"Do you think you're a good brother and--" -Jesus fucking Christ.
"Would you bring your brother on holiday if such an opportunity comes?"
[Romesh] What's the deal with the holiday? This is the second question you've asked--
[Shanthi] You're going on… You're going to Portugal on holiday.
Yeah.
I would have loved to join you.
But…
you didn't mention anything,
so I'm the sort of person…
I won't ask you.
Can I join you in Portugal?
-[Shanthi sniggers] -Pardon?
-[Dinesh] Did you speak to Leesa? -[Shanthi] Yeah.
Mom, is it possible to get Dinesh a can of "Shut the Fuck Up"?
-[Leesa and Shanthi shriek with laughter] -[Alex] Hey, Dad.
You're acting like we're not here, and you're swearing, all willy-nilly.
[Shanthi laughs]
I am in the room, and you have to respect that.
-[laughter] -What are you talking about?
Have you two had a conversation without me?
-Yeah. -We've had many conversations without you.
No, about--
Moaning about how I've put on weight, why did I marry a white woman…
-It's not stuff I want to involve you in. -[Leesa] Yeah.
You had a conversation about Portugal without me?
I've talked about… I've talked about us going on holiday to Portugal.
-The five of us are going. -[Romesh] Yeah.
Do you want your mom to come to Portugal with us?
-Do I want my mom to come to Portugal? -That's a good question.
-[Leesa] Yeah. -Answer Leesa.
-[Dinesh] Remember, she listens. -Yeah, answer her, Dad.
[Shanthi] Answer her.
Well, do you want to come to Portugal with us?
You just asked your mom to come to Portugal with us.
-[Shanthi] This is how you fool children. -You invited your mom.
-[Romesh] I've not invited-- -You did!
-[Romesh] When? -Just now!
-[Romesh] When? What did I say? -You asked if she wants to come.
No, no! God, no. That was hypothetical. I said… No!
[Leesa] If I say, "Yes," you're gonna…
-Jump at the chance, yes. -Exactly.
[Romesh] It feels like you want this. I didn't invite her.
Who doesn't want me to come?
-That's what I'm-- -If I say no--
[Romesh] Hold on. Okay, no--
-Right, tell me the truth, Romesh. -Okay, fine. No, listen.
[Leesa] I think we need to have a chat.
-[Romesh] Why? -On our own.
-[Shanthi] Yeah. -What do you mean?
Because you just invited your mom on holiday with us.
This is the third time you've said this. I've not once--
If I say no, I'm gonna upset your mom, aren't I?
Okay. How subtle is it that you're saying we'll have a separate--
That's why we need this conversation--
[Romesh] And then I'm gonna come back and go, "No."
What would you…
[in Sri Lankan accent] "I wonder what happened in that private conversation."
-[Leesa] No, but-- -"It's so difficult to figure it out."
"Leesa must want me,
because she didn't say anything in front of me."
"And then they got another conversation separately, and now I'm not going."
[Dinesh laughs and abruptly stops]
I think we should talk about this later.
[Romesh] Yeah, okay. Yeah.
Your Mom's not coming with us.
Why don't you take her away, just the two of you, later in the year?
Why the fuck would I wanna do that?
"What is next for Romesh Ranganathan?"
What's next is I'm going on holiday to Portugal,
immediately after we record this.
-What a boring thing. -Well, that is--
Maybe it's excitement for you.
"I'm going on holiday to Portugal."
Thank you, Romi.
-Shall I give you a secret? -[Romesh] Go on.
I have been to your shows.
I meet all the people who work with you.
They talked about you so high -
how friendly you are,
and you look after them, and you're nice to them.
As a mother,
I have brought you up nicely.
Made me so proud,
honest to God.
Good. That's another great question.
And what I liked about that question was, not only did it not require an answer,
it was bigging you up.
It was great. An absolute double whammy.
-Well, thank you very much, Mom. -Thank you, darling…
-This has been good. -…for giving me the opportunity.
-So, I enjoyed it thoroughly. -Yeah, it was great.
[Shanthi] Okay.
And sort of, as a final surprise,
kind of, the icing on this cake that, if I'm being honest, is made of dog shit,
I've actually organized for, like, a nice little sign
on The Hawth, to, kind of, commemorate my return
to The Hawth Theater in Crawley.
[camera guy] What are you hoping for when they see it?
This is exactly what I'm hoping for. I'll act it out for you.
So, my mom…
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Romi, what…?"
[grandiose orchestral music playing]
She doesn't have glasses.
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Romesh Ranganathan is home."
[sobs] "My God…"
"This… You know what this reminds me of?"
"When your father first fucked his secretary."
Something like that.
[grandiose music continues playing]
So, there you go. Look.
-What do you think? -[Dinesh] He's home.
[music fades out]
-[Shanthi] You're home? -He's only gone and gone home.
I'm so excited to see this sign.
[Romesh] What do you mean? You're seeing it right now.
Some people will think, "Oh, Romesh is playing The Hawth."
And other people will think, "He's finally being deported."
-[Dinesh and Shanthi laugh] -[Romesh] What do you think?
-Is it too much? -[Dinesh] Mm.
What do you think? You like it?
Well, I asked for it, and it's up there now.
-So, you can guess my opinion. -So, why are you asking now?
-It's up there. It's permanent. It's done. -Why are you asking us?
"What do you think? Is it too much?" What?
Okay, let me start again. Here's the sign. Couldn't give a shiny shit what you think.
[Dinesh] Yeah, they spelled it correctly.
-We're good. -Fine. Let's just forget it.
-I regret you seeing the sign. -[Shanthi] Don't be like that.
-Be nice to us. -I show you the sign. "What do you think?"
[in Sri Lankan accent] "Why didn't you involve us earlier?"
[camera guy] What would a young Romesh make of where you're at today?
I think he would have been excited, do you know what I mean?
As a young, sort of, masturbating loner,
I can't imagine
that he ever thought he'd end up being
a comedian returning to do a Netflix special in his hometown.
I think he'd be excited.
He'd probably go back to the bathroom and have a second go.
["Rom's Theme" playing]