# Welcome to Jamie-Lee's documentary, documentary
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# With Jamie-Lee on Derry #
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Cheers. My name is Jamie-Lee O'Donnell.
# Do-da-da-do... And you might know me from the comedy series Derry Girls.
Motherfuckers!
Motherfucker. It's my new thing.
In the show, my character Michelle Mallon is a foul-mouthed schoolgirl
determined to live her best life, despite growing up in a war zone.
Michelle, he's a soldier. Ach, some of them are rides.
You're a fucking embarrassment!
LOUD BLAST
In real life, I'm nothing like Michelle, of course.
Listen! I'm going up the fucking hill.
I'm gonna ask him a couple of questions. SHE LAUGHS
I'm an Irish woman, an Irish working-class woman, and I'm very proud of that.
I'm a Derry girl born and bred, and no matter where I am, Derry is home.
I've always wanted to show people how amazing it is. Just like a wee love letter to Derry.
But nearly 25 years after the Good Friday Agreement
marked the start of a new, more peaceful era for Northern Ireland,
I wanna know if Derry is a better place to grow up in now than back then.
Nothing's really gonna change if everybody's still segregated.
There's still a massive division within Derry, within the two communities.
I'll be finding out new things about my own city.
Mad about it. And visiting parts of it that I've never set foot in before.
I saw the Union Jack and couldn't think.
As well as coming to terms with some of my own demons.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Shite-ing myself to be honest.
Most of all, I'll be trying to understand what it's like to be a young person in Derry today.
No! We have our problems, but I wanna solve our problems.
Let's get absolutely snattered. SHE LAUGHS
Saoirse's one of my best friends. She's just brilliant to work with.
I love all the tipples.
We're like the wee terrible twins. "Do you want another one?" The other person's not gonna say no.
Thank you. Cheers. Thank you. Cheers.
So, I think Derry is a class night out, as we all know.
What is it? What do you miss really about Derry when you're away?
I miss, cos Derry's so small, it's walking distance to get a pint.
It is, and a night out here feels like a bigger event.
Do you know, like a night out is out out.
Even when people aren't talking about it, we throw in the facts about Derry,
where's the best place to go, when we signpost it.
And people say, "Do you work for the council?"
We we're like, "Should we work for the council?"
Should we? I think we'd do a really good job.
We are also full of random facts about the town.
We know so many random facts about Derry.
Here's some information I know you didn't want, but here it is.
Facts on Derry by Jamie-Lee and Saoirse.Facts on Derry. SHE LAUGHS
I think it's the people of Derry that make it special for me.
And it comes with all their sensibilities and their weird and wonderful ways.
Like, everything's so intense. I don't know if that's from coming with the Troubles,
or the working-class background, maybe a combination of everything.
But brilliant craic. Brilliant craic. Brilliant craic.
It's like no matter what this town has ever went through,
I think it's bred this real lust for joy.
Like, there's no stopping us. Yeah.
There's no stopping us. There's no stopping us. Aye.
While you can probably hear just how much Saoirse and I love Derry,
we're not blind to its problems.
And obviously we're both very proud of where we're from,
and I think that we're so proud of the show, as well,
and I'm really proud of you doing this documentary.
I don't think that there really is a better person that could be leading this than you.
I've always just really been passionate about it growing up,
and some of the injustices that happened here, like a lot of other places,
and I just think it was time to highlight stuff, just from my perspective, if I can.
My beautiful hometown is in the north-west of Northern Ireland,
close to the Irish border.
KNOCKS ON GLASS
Licence.
Where have you come from today? Derry. Londonderry.
Calm the fuck down, James! Are you English? Yeah.
He's fine. We didn't bring him up here to kill him or anything.
Yes, this city is so good, they named it twice. Well, kind of.
Catholics call it Derry and Protestants call it Londonderry.
Behind me here is the west side of the city, also known as the city side.
Back in the day, that was mostly Catholic.
And then on the east here in front of me is the water side
and that was mostly Protestant.
But even today, not much has changed
and the two communities are still largely divided.
This is the Peace Bridge in Derry, one of three bridges, cos we apparently love a bridge.
It was built in 2011 to literally bridge the gap
between the Catholic community and the Protestant community.
Because for a wee while, I don't know if you've heard, we weren't really getting on the best.
Have I ever dated a Protestant? Probably. Without realising.
I definitely got a wee kiss in a nightclub off a Protestant, for defs.
SHE LAUGHS
The way the bridge curves is meant to symbolise
that the path to peace is never straight.
Turns out, they were right.
SIREN WAILS
In 1998, after 30 years of violence
and more than 3,500 deaths,
the Good Friday Agreement was signed.
Protestants and Catholics would now share power in Northern Ireland
to make things fairer for all.
Nearly 25 years later, I want to see
what life is like for young girls growing up in Derry today.
So I've come back to my old school, St Cecilia's College.
Although the building has had a bit of an upgrade since my day,
it brings back lots of memories.
A French fella, that's what I wanna do. Nation of rides.
My fanny's going funny just thinking about it! Could you not use that word, Michelle?
What, fanny? Why do you always have to be so coarse?
What's the big deal? We all have one. I don't. You are one.
Nice to meet yous all, anyway. Nice to meet you. Aren't you supposed to be in class? Yeah.
THEY LAUGH
I can't wait to get back to one of my favourite classes and teachers,
Miss McTague and drama. So good to see you. Thanks for having me back.
Thanks for having me in your class, everybody.
It's been a while since you were here.It's been a tiny while, aye. THEY LAUGH
Do you wanna pick yourself out, cos I thought this was hilarious,
cos you're hiding behind a dog poo bin. Of course.
And it's dog shit.OK, good. SHE LAUGHS
We'll say dog poo, and the cot, and the real cot.
It's Channel 4. We can say... THEY LAUGH
You're in your teacher's classroom now. I know. You'll mind your manners.
Oh, I might just swear.
As punishment for my bad language...
Oh, that's not too bad.
..I have to help tidy up the props cupboard.
Look at this. I remember all this stuff.
But it gives me a chance to grill the girls.
Hi. I'm just gonna give you bunches of stuff and then we can have a wee sort through.
# Do-do-do-do
Anyway, so what year are yous all? Upper sixth. Upper sixth.
And are yous all from Derry?
Yes. This is still all girls Catholic school, is that right? Yeah.
Yous don't have a wee random Protestant fella running about, a wee English fella? No.
That would be a good craic.
It's hard to believe that more than 90 percent of children in Northern Ireland
are still educated in non-integrated schools.
That's schools that are effectively either Catholic or Protestant.
Do yous mix with Protestants outside, people of different nationalities, anything like that?
Or do you stick to your own? Everybody's different.
It's not voluntary.
We just, like... Aye. We just so happen to be surrounded by our own people, I think.
Seeking out Protestants. If you're a Protestant, do you wanna be my friend?
SHE LAUGHS Do you wanna play netball?
From hearing what your parents went through or older siblings in terms of living in Derry and segregation,
do you think that's still as prominent now, or are you finding that it's not that big a deal?
I don't think it has really anything to do with religion at all.
It's more political views. Like, who cares if you're a Protestant?
Nobody cares about your actual religion.
Do you think it's more like cultural identity? Aye.
So you think there's space to have a healthy debate with people of your generation
about the cultural differences in Derry?
I wouldn't say healthy. Not healthy. No.
Everyone is so opinionated on it that you almost just don't wanna get into it,
if you're, like, friends with them or... I would disagree.
Say I'm speaking to someone from Belfast and I find out they're a Protestant,
we could speak very openly and honestly, as long as you're both willing to listen.
But I think in Derry, we kind of politicise it more, kind of like standoffish.
It's just nerves. Everybody's nervous. If you ignore it, hope it won't be brung up. Aye.
It seems it can still be hard to talk about these issues
and I wonder if it's because what happened in the past
is still such a big part of people's lives in Derry today.
Because obviously none of yous were around during the Troubles,
do you think it's, even with your generation, it still feels a wee bit personal?
Northern Ireland as a whole, Catholics and Protestants,
have, like, a really high mental health rate,
and we were saying that we think a lot of that does come from the Troubles.
So it's been, like, passed down through, like, trauma.
So is it safe to say, in your generation, you still feel impacted by it
even though yous weren't there in person? Oh, definitely. Yeah. Aye.
God, that's really scary, isn't it? It's like our mummies and daddies.
Of course. It's not that far back in history.
For yous to feel it's impacted your lives now is insane.
There's a whole new generation of people still trying to figure it out and still discussing it.
Like, it's a massive issue.
I don't think I was surprised that they didn't have much cross-community
or much integration with the Protestant community.
You just kind of wish that it wasn't happening still. You'd think we'd have moved on a wee bit.
But it's made me think about the fact that I also lived a fairly segregated life
within my own Catholic community.
Maybe it's time I experienced parts of this city
I've spent my entire life scared to visit.
When I set out to discover what it's like
to be a young person in Derry today,
I didn't expect to be talking about the Troubles quite so soon.
But I've realised that to understand Derry,
you have to go back to the 30th of January 1972.
Hello, Ciara. Hello, Jamie-Lee, how are you?
Great. Thanks for having me. Not at all. Thank you for coming.
Ciara O'Connor Pozo is showing me around the Museum Of Free Derry,
where the main exhibition remembers a day the people of Derry will never forget.
This is the Derry Civil Rights Association banner.
And it was actually carried on Bloody Sunday.
You might see that it's kind of a bit stained,
and that's actually because it was lain over the body of Hugh Gilmour,
who was shot just outside the Rossville flats.
17-year-old Hugh Gilmour was shot dead on Bloody Sunday.
He was one of 13 people killed by British Army paratroopers that day.
A 14th man died from his injuries five months later.
It's quite a sad exhibition, as well. It's quite powerful.
It is. It's really overwhelming, isn't it... Mm-hm. ..to see it?
The Troubles in Northern Ireland started in the late 1960s,
fuelled by historical events and social injustices.
After more than 700 years of British rule,
Ireland had been partitioned in 1921.
Six of the island's 32 counties became Northern Ireland
and remained under British rule.
After partition, many Catholics in Northern Ireland faced discrimination,
particularly in housing, jobs, voting and political representation.
By the 1960s, people here were taking to the streets in civil rights protests.
It was against this backdrop that one of Northern Ireland's darkest days unfolded
right here in Derry.
GUNFIRE
I would describe Bloody Sunday as...
a day in Derry history, Irish history,
that changed the course of history.
EXPLOSION Three hours after the procession began,
this has ended up, as dusk comes onto the Bogside,
as the worst ever confrontation between the Army
and the Catholic people of the Creggan and Bogside.
It was a civil rights march.
The Derry people were marching for the rights that they deserved.
EXPLOSION
And the British paratroopers opened fire
and murdered 13 people on the day, 14 total.
Innocent, defenceless people.
There are three in that Saracen car. There are two men laying at the end of this block of flats.
There's another man at least very close to being dead. There are two others up there.
SIREN WAILS
This exhibit actually contains personal effects that would have belonged to the victims.
One of the ones that I think is really powerful is this baby grow,
that was used to stem the blood of Michael Kelly.
And he was brought in injured to a house and this woman obviously just found a baby grow
and used it to stop the blood. But he unfortunately died.
There was quite a few 17-year-olds that died on the day, and he was one of them.
How prominent do you think those stories are?
Do you think they would resonate with 17-year-olds now?
There's young people here in Derry that would go on climate marches and... Yeah.
..we kind of take that, that right to go out and make our views heard,
we kind of take that nearly for granted.
And this was just 50 years ago.
The Bloody Sunday families spent decades fighting to clear the names of their loved ones.
An initial inquiry had endorsed claims that the soldiers opened fire
only after they came under attack from the crowd.
In 2010, the Saville Inquiry made it clear
that soldiers had lied in these claims
and concluded that the killings were unjustifiable.
Now, Saville uses the term "unjustifiable."
But to me, and most people I know,
an unjustifiable killing is the same as murder.
It took 38 years for the British government to apologise.
What happened on Bloody Sunday
was both unjustified and unjustifiable.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The trauma of the violence doesn't just affect those who lived through it.
The stories of the Troubles and the soldiers and all that, we all know that.
It's not that far back in the past. My parents had lessons in school
how to listen out for gunfire and what material to hide behind.
Was it under a car or behind a wall?
To understand about bombs and things like that.
GUNSHOT
But growing up in Derry, it was just... you just always had to be aware,
and I didn't really fully know why because I didn't grow up through the 70s.
But there was just this sort of panicked energy around the adults of just fear.
It's been 50 years since Bloody Sunday,
and I've been asked to do a reading at a special commemoration event.
Thanks for inviting me. It's an honour.
But I always get really nervous with stuff like this, cos it's such a huge responsibility, isn't it?
We wanted to put together a massive public event that everyone could attend.
It's kind of about looking forward with hope, but still remembering what happened.
It's shaped our culture in many ways. It has. I'm even more nervous now.
Being in the museum and speaking to Ciara, I think it's really brought home the responsibility
that I have in that little section of the performance
at making sure I do it justice and do Derry people proud and the people who've gone through it.
So it's nerve-racking, but I'm really honoured to be asked.
Growing up in Derry, I spent most of my time with people brought up Catholic like me.
But around a quarter of the population here is Protestant.
And while I've had a few Protestant friends,
I don't know much about their culture or traditions. Except for one.
To think, I could be staring at him right now.
You can't marry an Orange man, Michelle. It's a pity.
Because I think there's something really sexy about the fact that they hate us so much.
No. Have I ever been to a 12th of July March? No. It's just funny that you would ask that.
BRASS BAND PLAYS Everyone in Northern Ireland knows about the 12th of July,
or the 12th as it's better known.
It's the anniversary of the Battle of the Boyne in 1690,
when a Protestant king defeated a Catholic king.
Protestant marches and parades take place on this and other big anniversaries
throughout the year in Northern Ireland.
One of the organisations that celebrates Protestant culture
is based in this building right in the centre of Derry.
And needless to say, I've never set foot in this place before.
Something I never thought in a million years I would do,
cos I thought I'd just walk in and catch flames or something, I don't know.
Plot twist. I'm a Protestant.
I'm here to meet one of the oldest foot bands in the country,
who take part in lots of different events and parades, including the 12th.
BAND PLAYS It's my favourite.
As I walk in, their weekly practice is well underway.
Even hearing this music makes me feel a bit weird.
Something you need to know about me is that when I'm nervous, I talk... a lot.
Hello.How are you?Do you know any Wolfe Tones? No, I'm only joking. THEY LAUGH
Thank yous for having me. And I just wanted to sort of get a wee chat to yous
and just ask yous what is all this about?
What's the craic?What's the craic? THEY LAUGH
It's a big surprise, I don't know anybody who plays in a marching band.
And is it predominantly Protestant people that play in the bands?
It is, yes. It's predominant Protestant. Is there any bands that you know of
that has a mix of different religions?
Obviously, on parade, if it's an Orange parade, it usually technically would always be...
Just for safety reasons, it has to be all Protestants.
But, I mean, we do cross-border things with Catholics bands, if you want to call them that.
You're brought up with it and you do join from an early age.
Younger people, again, a lot of them come from family members.
And it can transpire into academia, as well. So a lot of the parents are very happy for them
to come and learn their instruments and become part of the band.
It's all going so well until I mention Bloody Sunday.
I also wanted to ask yous, the 50th anniversary of Bloody Sunday is coming up,
and I just wanted to ask, again, you don't have to answer,
what's your perception of that?
Would yous, I don't know, would yous be interesting in that at all? Or does it...
Is it anything to do with yous, or how would yous feel about it? If anything. It might be nothing.
OK, Great.
There was just a radio silence. And I'll be honest,
I was really, really shocked, because I didn't anticipate...
a reaction about it different to mine.
And I know that's a wee bit ignorant to me, I suppose.
But I really didn't expect that level of silence at all.
I think I made people really uncomfortable. And I didn't mean to.
So we just moved on with the conversation. I think I made a couple of awkward jokes
cos I just do that whenever it's awkward. You just sort of have a couple of jokes.
Well, we'll just put that aside. We'll put that aside.
Do yous know any Irish jigs? I don't think I even know any Irish jigs.
There's Irish jigs in the folder. Irish jigs, aye.
Guys, it's not in the folder. What's this wee guy called?
It looks like a wee hotdog. It's a baton. Baton!
Hold the big end. There we go. THEY LAUGH I thought it was the wee hotdog end.
THEY LAUGH
One, two. THEY PLAY
This feels slightly surreal.
Here I am conducting a Protestant flute band,
surrounded by flags I'd usually run a mile from.
Unlike me, many in the Protestant community
see themselves as British and are loyal to the Crown.
But even though we come from very different worlds,
everyone in the flute band has been really welcoming to me.
That was really good. Yous are really, really good. That's brilliant.
I want to find out more about what it's like to be a young person in the Protestant community here.
Hi, Julie, how are you? How are you? I'm good. So I'm meeting Julie from the band for a drink.
Was there any feedback after I left? Were they thinking, "She's a head case"?
We want you as our new conductor now. That was really good, wasn't it?
Yous are good banter, as well. It was a good craic.
I just sort of wanted to ask, do you think there's certain things
that are really affecting the Protestant community in Derry at the moment? Any sort of social issues?
A lot of working-class Protestant areas, there's problems with education,
under-achievement within education, particularly within working-class Protestant boys.
There's been an increase in the use of food banks.
So there is a lot of social issues going on,
particularly within the Protestant community at the minute, as well.
When you look across the spectrum of the city, you see that everybody's facing the same thing.
We're feeling people who are struggling with mental health issues across Northern Ireland.
And so something really needs to be done about it.
I don't know what it's like to grow up in the Protestant community
or to be British over in this part of the world. I can't imagine the goal... was...
for the Protestant community to come down and face the problems we have.
It just feels like everybody's fucked now.
While the British government has said
its commitment to Northern Ireland and the union is unshakeable,
many people feel the problems here are being made worse by Brexit.
And there's increased discussions about the possibility of a border pool
and a united Ireland.
How do you think that would make you feel, or your community feel?
There is a wee bit of hurt in the community that sometimes we're just sort of still just seen as,
"Oh, they're Irish over there." Whereas we see ourselves as British Northern Irish.
We would want to remain part of the UK.
So any issues that stem from our community,
regardless, come from the fact that sometimes you can feel identity slipping away.
And identity is a very important thing to Protestant people
because it's part of who we are.
And what would you say in the next ten years would you like to see, if anything?
I would just like to see the city thriving. Peaceful freedom,
peaceful celebration of culture for everybody.
Thank you so much, Julie. I really appreciate it. And cheers to the wee drink.
Thanks for coming. Let's get absolutely snattered. THEY LAUGH
I'm so pleased Derry is now a place
where I can go for a drink with someone like Julie.
But this is a city still held hostage by its complicated history.
And I've realised that to move on, we need to tackle the trauma head-on.
Even if that means confronting my own demons.
..that will live long in the memory of the people.
What was supposed to be a simple civil rights march
turned into a day of bloodshed and horror.
I'm rehearsing my lines for the Bloody Sunday 50th anniversary event.
British men thumbing through history pages looking for solutions...
It's a huge part of Derry history.
Obviously it was a negative part for such a long time,
and I think this commemoration service that's happening
is maybe a way to look at how far we've come in this city, hopefully,
and that in itself is such a big responsibility.
What was supposed to be a simple civil rights march
turned into a day of bloodshed and horror
that will live long in the memory of the people.
Having to think about what happened is proving difficult for me
and is bringing a lot of my own childhood trauma to the surface.
If you grew up in a certain place where you're afraid of the police,
it definitely does something to your decisions
and how you feel about yourself and how you value yourself.
If the people who are supposed to protect you, look after you, you're brought up afraid of them,
and are distrusting of them... it leaves you a bit lost.
It's just fucking overwhelming. And I just think it's unfair for people,
especially my parents' generation.
Looking back as an adult, it's really hard not to get really heartbroken by it,
and you feel, like, devastated for your family.
Maybe it's no wonder many people think there's a mental health crisis in Derry,
something experts recognise as linked to Troubles-related trauma.
These people still struggle with the devastation of it. We're still segregated.
And that's just not fixed within a generation.
Despite everything this place has been through,
there's a resilience in Derry people that I think is nothing short of incredible.
Hi, Serena. Oh, hey! How are you?
Serena Terry is an amazingly-talented Derry woman turned online sensation.
Her character, Mammy Banter, has over 20 million likes on TikTok.
Don't judge me, right? Right.
I can do it. Jesus shit!
I don't know where he's heard that. That's class! SHE LAUGHS
Serena has used this huge online platform
to get people talking about mental health in Derry.
And she's brutally honest about her own experience.
My name's Serena. I'm a mum of two, 35-year-old, and I am on medication for anxiety and depression
and have been for six years. But that was enough then
to start the conversation and the narrative around mental health, and the feedback I got
from thousands and thousands of people
to say that they, too, were either on medication for anxiety,
or were suffering, feeling that they couldn't ask for help,
that this is just part and parcel of life.
Serena's struggle with anxiety is something many people, including me, could relate to.
When I got to the stage of asking for help, it took me about two years.
I was in complete denial. And I just broke down
in front of the doctors and that was enough for them to see...
Aye, it's a scary thing. That happened to myself, too,
and I was worried about my anxiety, even after Derry Girls took off.
And you think all your Christmases came at once so you should be dead happy
and everything's supposed to be fine. Perfect.
And then it's like, "Well, what have you got to be sad about?"
And you start to think about it, you're like "Fuck everything!" I wrote my will. Jesus!
I wrote my will. I was going to bed every night thinking I'm not gonna wake up in the morning.
And it spiralled into anxiety and panic attacks and depression.
Serena's openness is helping me confront my own feelings.
Do you know what? Even doing this documentary, I'm struggling,
cos I get so much anxiety when I'm going to film,
in my stomach, and I feel like I physically want to run away,
but I have to just get over it, and I've been doing that, and I'm glad I am,
but even now, pulling apart all this stuff and having to think about my life... Your personal stuff.
..it's freaking me out. Is it? But I'm glad I'm doing it. Have you ever been so open? No.
This whole process has been dead nerve-racking and really uncomfortable, if I'm being honest.
I know it's something I want to do. I knew it would be uncomfortable
because it's close to home and I don't like crying. I still have that sort of...
that sort of closed-off-ness that you sort of get coming from here sometimes.
How would you view the mental health crisis within Derry?
I have seen first-hand, erm...
the legacy of the conflict and the Troubles,
from my daddy and him having paranoid schizophrenia.
The legacy of deprivation, poverty and...
most recently, I've seen the legacy of lack of funding.
We've less funding for mental health services than anywhere in the UK.
And it just frustrates me. It just doesn't make any sense.
So we walk further down the beach and we do a wee warm up,
just to get the blood going and heat up the body.
Serena decided to try and improve her own mental health with some cold-water swimming.
Now hundreds of others in Derry are joining her.
The cold-water dipping. Yes. I think it sounds terrifying.
You look really nervous every time you say that. Because it's mental.
It doesn't make any sense. It's Ireland. What are you talking about?
So I went and I tried it and...
within a couple of days, my whole mood changed. I felt as if I could take on the world.
And I started documenting it on Instagram.
So many people were like, "Tell me more about this cold-water dipping."
So I put an open invite, I set up a page on Instagram and I said, "Come along. I'll teach yous how to do it.
"We'll go down every week." And here we are. We've over 200 people in the group.
It's ranging from 17, 18-year-old girls who are suffering with anxiety and are using it as treatment,
and then we've got that older demographic,
who are grieving from suicide.
The way I see it, if ten people are benefiting more now with their mental health
than they were before Christmas,
it's the proudest thing I've ever done in my life.
I wanna help you. OK. Cos you've been feeling a wee bit anxious.
Yes, very much so. Are you gonna come down into the cold water?
Erm... You'll love it, I swear.
You'll hit me. You'll probably punch me in the first 20 seconds, but you'll love it.
Can I have a wee think and see the craic? Cos it is winter. Have a wee think.
I would really, really love you to come down, though. OK.
And I think it'll just calm you.
CLOCK CHIMES
I don't remember ever finding out about Bloody Sunday.
I think it was just always something that everybody knew about.
My grandpa marched in Bloody Sunday, like a lot of people's families did.
My family knew some of the people who were murdered.
It's sewn into who we are as people.
It's 50 years today since Bloody Sunday
and preparations are underway for the commemoration event.
I'm really, really nervous, if I'm honest.
It's a huge thing, it's a huge deal to be here and to be part of it,
and I'm just massively appreciative, and just hope I do it justice and do it well.
I'm also nervous that I'm sharing the stage with Derry actress and Hollywood star Bronagh Gallagher.
We have to remember the line we come in.
I think it goes name, then lights, they were saying last night,
so I'll say the name, cues the light. Is that right?
Our role is to read out the names of the people who died that day.
So it's like a wee five seconds in between. Yeah. Yeah. We can try it now.
As the audience take their seats, I'm trying to focus on what I have to do.
This is one of the most important performances of my life.
Right.
Oh, my God! I'm shite-ing myself. I just realised I have to go on stage. I always do this,
like, walking out.
Until I have a drink of water, and then just sort of panic. And be like, "Oh! I have to go on stage!"
It's a technique, I suppose.
ALL: # Oh, Danny boy
# The pipes, the pipes are calling
# From glen to glen
# And down the mountain side
# The summer's gone
# And all the flowers are dying
# 'Tis you, 'tis you...
As Bronagh, Adrian Dunbar and I wait in the wings,
the emotion of the singing and the sombre atmosphere hits me.
APPLAUSE
I'm trying not to cry. Just until I get through my bit,
because you don't want, like...
It was so hard to not let your emotions run away with you before I went on stage.
APPLAUSE
On that fateful day in 1972,
the world saw what happened.
The whole world knew of the 14 innocents stolen away.
The absence of justice
and the depth of grief
are scarred on the souls of the bereaved.
I think every family in Derry has experienced trauma.
Everybody in the north has. How could you not?
You talk about people who had lost their lives, who were murdered,
and who died in such an awful way.
And to be able to remember that and note it 50 years later,
I mean, it felt like you could've heard a pin drop when we were talking, which was amazing.
Kevin McElhinney.
Bernard McGuigan.
For all the victims of the conflict.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I was actually squeezing my hand so I wouldn't cry, especially when the music kicked in.
I feel like I've been holding this in for ages.
It sort of just brings it all home, doesn't it?
About what everybody in Derry went through.
And there's a lot of good, as well, obviously, to come from this, but...
aye, it's a lot. I knew this was gonna happen at some point.
I'm so glad we did it. So am I. And we didn't break down.
So hopefully I done everybody proud. Hopefully.
Remembering the horror of Bloody Sunday reminds me how important it is to try and secure
a fair and peaceful future for everyone in Derry.
But we're not quite there yet, and I do sometimes wonder
has the violence really gone away for good?
I've been discovering just how much Derry's past
has influenced its people today, myself included.
And I've learned there's no single solution to the challenges we face,
but that it's good to be open to new experiences.
This is gonna be a nightmare. Or brilliant, one of the two.
So, it's January
and it's Ireland
and I'm not quite sure how it's come about,
but I'm going for a swim.
I can't believe I'm gonna go do this.
Oh, it's freezing.
I'm joining Serena and dozens of locals for some cold-water swimming
to try and help my anxiety.
Everybody, are you ready to get into the water?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Jamie-Lee, come on down with me.
Ladies, I want yous to move over here.
Are yous ready? ALL: Yeah!
I've never done this before, but now that I'm here, there's no turning back.
I'm just glad Serena's there to look after me in the water.
It's quite overwhelming. It is. Quite emotional. It is. But it's really, really class.
It just... It's like mindfulness. It's forced mindfulness.
Cos the only thing you can concentrate on is the cold in your body.
It just feels well euphoric. It does. Doesn't it?
It's all spiritual. It is. It is. It's overwhelming, but it's class.
You've actually done it. Thank you. It was so brilliant. I'm so glad you invited me. Thank you.
I'm glad you did it. Well done.
I was really terrified at the start.
It's kind of like there's literally nothing else to think about.
And it's really, really, really hard to empty your brain of thoughts and worries.
I think I will do it again. I do. I think I'll do it again.
Like lots of the people I met on the beach today,
I'm working through my own experiences.
Serena and her amazing community
are doing their bit to support each other and stay positive.
And that's something Derry is very good at.
But it's not always easy because there can still be outbreaks of violence here
that wouldn't be normal in other parts of the UK.
In 2019, Belfast-born journalist Lyra McKee was shot
while observing rioting in Derry.
She died later in hospital.
Obviously it was shocking that somebody had died,
and obviously it was heartbreaking and should never have happened.
The fact that there was unrest in that part of Derry wasn't shocking,
in any part of Derry. I'm sure people in Belfast or whatever will tell you the same,
it's not that it's overly shocking. There's still civil unrest here. There just is.
Lyra was killed on the Creggan estate, not far from where I grew up.
Here tensions remain between some of the residents and the place.
I've arranged to catch up with Jordan, one of the girls I met earlier in my old school,
to find out what life's like here now.
Hey. What's the craic? Lovely to see you. Good to see you again.
Out of your uniform. I know. It's great.
How long have you lived in Creggan? Oh, my whole life.
It's a real sense of community. I used to hang around here when I was younger. I grew up beside here.
I know Creggan well. A lot of my family and friends are from there.
I hung around there, grew up there.
Had a couple of sneaky alcoholic beverages there when I was too young.
We used to hang around sort of the youth clubs and stuff, like St Mary's and stuff. Aye.
Do you still do that? What's it like now for young people?
Erm, St Mary's actually got done up. Oh, did it? Aye. It's massive looking now.
They've put loads of new equipment in it. Obviously, you ran round here, as well.
I did. What was it that you would have done?
I don't think we can say it on camera. THEY LAUGH
Obviously, like a lot of estates in a lot of places,
there's some negative as well as the positive. Yeah.
And obviously we know what's happened with Lyra McKee.
Have you noticed, from younger to now, a difference in police presence?
Obviously, there is a police presence,
but there's a police presence everywhere you go in Derry. Mm.
It's never been, like, scary or, like, extra violent, except for obviously what happened.
If anything, I think it kind of just brought the community closer together. Right.
There was a vigil down there for her and I think the whole of Creggan had come out of their houses
and had come down and had stood and had prayed for her.
Do you think that there's a fair representation of Creggan in the media at the moment?
I think sometimes Creggan can get a wee bit of an unfair viewpoint from some people.
It's not every single day something like that happens. That was really, really... random
and out of the blue, and nothing like that has ever happened in my lifetime.
You feel quite safe.
There's a plane. That's what it is. Paps in Creggan.
I'm keen to know whether Jordan will stay in Derry after her A-levels.
Both of us went to St Cecilia's, which is school on Creggan, I know there's more,
but I feel like the schools, especially the girls schools in Derry,
they really set women up for hopefully a brighter future.
What do you see for your future? What's the plans for Jordan?
I have applied to uni in Leeds to do mental health and counselling,
cos I wanna go on to be a rehabilitation counsellor
and come back and work in Derry. Cos I feel like Derry needs it.
Just experience something else and bring back all the experiences. Aye. Definitely.
Obviously, you'll meet new friends from different backgrounds and different cultures.
Would you be keen to bring them back to show them Derry? Oh, 100 percent.
I'm proud of Derry. They're gonna be told about all the great things.
They're gonna be told about Halloween and St Patrick's Day
and about how Derry has so many things to offer people.
Mad about it. Right, thank you so much.
I couldn't agree more. And with young women like Jordan
keen to make her city a better place,
I feel like Derry's future is looking bright.
ALL: Happy St Patrick's Day!
St Patrick's Day is a celebration of Irish culture for everybody.
Everybody wants to celebrate it and take part. It's all inclusive.
Hello! How are you? Hi, Julie, what's the craic?
Of all the people I've met during filming,
I'm most surprised to bump into Julie from the flute band.
Because not all Protestants celebrate Ireland's patron saint.
Love the green. Thank you. It's like a stylish Paddy's Day, isn't it?
How are yous guys? We're very good.
While she's been in the town on St Patrick's Day before,
this is the first time Julie has been to watch the parade.
Just with the whole, the fact that this is obviously tricolours,
does that bother you at all, or is it something that you're really happy about?
It doesn't bother me, cos when we're at the 12th of July, it's Union flags.
When you're down here, it's tricolours everywhere. It doesn't really matter to me.
In what way do you think Paddy's Day compares to the 12th? Or is it really similar?
You know, it's packed, there's so many people about, you get to interact with people,
it's so similar what they actually are and what you do on the day.
It's just sort of different sides of one coin.
It was genuinely lovely to see yous. I hope you have a great day and get your well-deserved pints.
Julie's positivity about our city is infectious.
And on a day like today, with the sun shining,
I'm proud to call myself a Derry girl.
Mind you, I'm still working through my own feelings
about growing up in this brilliant but complicated wee place.
But I'm more convinced than ever that there will be a bright future for all of us.
I just feel like Derry's gonna be booming.
I've got so much positive expectations of Derry.
I think there does seem to be this thing of people are realising
you don't always have to leave Derry to become something.
And if you do, you can always come back and bring it back.
And that the older you get, again, from my own perspective,
the more I realise that the Derry community is responsible, in a large way, to who I am and my success.
But the fact that we're able to get where we are with the lack of resources,
can you imagine what we could do if we were fully resourced?
Can you imagine what Derry people could achieve?
Subtitles by Red Bee Media