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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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(KINGDOM BY JOY CROOKES
PLAYING)
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{\an8}♪ Rolling up to vote
I toke my Benson ♪
5
00:00:56,042 --> 00:00:59,083
{\an8}♪ England's blowing smoke
It needs attention ♪
6
00:00:59,083 --> 00:01:02,167
♪ Could use a lick of paint
A change of colour ♪
7
00:01:02,875 --> 00:01:04,875
{\an8}(MOBILE PHONE VIBRATING)
8
00:01:05,875 --> 00:01:09,125
♪ Think I got a neighbour
that's been feeling blue ♪
9
00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:16,333
{\an8}♪ But they won't stand down
no matter what you say or do ♪
10
00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:22,458
{\an8}♪ How d'you learn to love
if you're not taught to? ♪
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00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,833
♪ How d'you dream
if freedom's on a curfew? ♪
12
00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:28,625
♪ Paying the price
to live in our skin ♪
13
00:01:28,625 --> 00:01:30,667
(CROWD CHATTERING)
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00:01:32,542 --> 00:01:35,000
♪ Who's got love for the taking? ♪
15
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,333
{\an8}♪ Who's got heart for the aching? ♪
16
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:42,458
♪ No such thing as a kingdom ♪
17
00:01:42,458 --> 00:01:46,125
♪ When tomorrow's done
for the children ♪
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00:01:46,792 --> 00:01:49,458
{\an8}♪ They chop it up and divide ♪
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00:01:50,208 --> 00:01:52,583
♪ So meet me at the borderline ♪
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{\an8}♪ Where the burning bridges
have been taking toll ♪
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00:01:55,667 --> 00:01:59,292
{\an8}♪ We row, we row
We row the boat ♪
22
00:01:59,292 --> 00:02:02,333
♪ We row, we row
We row the boat ♪
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00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,042
Zoe!
24
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:11,042
{\an8}- Aunty Aisha.
- Lovely to see you, Zoe.
25
00:02:11,042 --> 00:02:12,833
{\an8}You're looking fresh.
26
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,792
{\an8}- (MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
- Oh. Excuse me. Sorry.
27
00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:18,708
{\an8}Hello. No, no, I can talk.
28
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,000
She's always going!
29
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,000
Oh. Oh, right. Um...
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00:02:23,917 --> 00:02:26,083
{\an8}Well, can I come in
and discuss this with you?
31
00:02:26,083 --> 00:02:27,750
{\an8}I have other ideas.
32
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:30,917
{\an8}That's great. Okay, goodbye.
33
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:32,458
Long time no see,
34
00:02:32,458 --> 00:02:34,292
{\an8}Miss award winning
documentary maker.
35
00:02:34,292 --> 00:02:35,375
{\an8}Can I have your autograph, please?
36
00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:36,500
Kaz.
37
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:38,417
What are you doing up there?
38
00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:40,917
- Same as always. Sneaky ciggy.
- Oh.
39
00:02:40,917 --> 00:02:42,167
Come up.
40
00:02:42,167 --> 00:02:43,833
{\an8}Please don't tell me
41
00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:46,042
{\an8}your parents still don't know you smoke?
42
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,333
{\an8}KAZ:
I'm an oncology registrar.
43
00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:50,042
{\an8}It's not the best look, is it?
44
00:02:50,042 --> 00:02:52,458
But they're happy
now I'm getting married.
45
00:02:52,458 --> 00:02:55,792
You are? Hey, congratulations.
46
00:02:55,792 --> 00:02:58,042
- Who's the lucky lady?
- Don't know yet.
47
00:02:58,042 --> 00:02:59,458
What do you mean?
48
00:02:59,458 --> 00:03:00,708
I'm going old school
on this one.
49
00:03:00,708 --> 00:03:02,042
I'm getting
an arranged marriage.
50
00:03:02,042 --> 00:03:03,333
"Assisted marriage".
51
00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:05,000
That's what we're calling it
these days.
52
00:03:05,375 --> 00:03:06,583
Huh...
53
00:03:06,583 --> 00:03:08,625
What, like assisted suicide?
54
00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:11,375
I can't get my head round
55
00:03:11,375 --> 00:03:13,292
marrying someone
you don't know.
56
00:03:13,292 --> 00:03:14,333
It might be easier
57
00:03:14,333 --> 00:03:15,833
than marrying someone
you do know.
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00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:16,917
Mmm.
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00:03:16,917 --> 00:03:18,083
Did you never wanna
get married?
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00:03:18,083 --> 00:03:21,125
(SCOFFS) Ooh,
"never" is a bit harsh.
61
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,375
I'm still interviewing.
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00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:25,417
- I haven't yet met the one.
- Ah, the one.
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00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:26,917
You know, just
someone who I could commit
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00:03:26,917 --> 00:03:29,708
to watching a whole
TV series with, would be nice.
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00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:31,208
Be nice.
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00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:33,083
Hey, where's your little
sister? I haven't seen her.
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00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:34,375
- Jamila?
- Yeah.
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00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:36,542
- She couldn't make it.
- (PEOPLE CHEERING)
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00:03:36,542 --> 00:03:37,625
Sounds like
it's kicking off in there.
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00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:39,000
We should...
Let's go back inside.
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00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:42,000
I'm gonna have
to find a new hiding place.
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00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,292
They're cutting down the tree.
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00:03:43,292 --> 00:03:44,792
- No?
- Yeah.
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00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:48,667
That's... That's so sad!
This is our tree!
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00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:49,792
I know. Come on.
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00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:53,833
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS)
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Look at Farooq. He's so happy.
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00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,625
ZOE: Oh, God. Mum dancing.
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00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:02,708
- Thank you, Aisha, darling.
- (WOMEN WHOOPING)
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00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:04,042
That was just heaven.
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00:04:04,042 --> 00:04:05,625
I'll be back
for a gupshup tomorrow.
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00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:06,750
ZOE: Bye.
83
00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:08,292
- Oh.
- (ZOE SIGHS LOUDLY)
84
00:04:08,292 --> 00:04:10,708
Wasn't it just
so wonderfully exotic?
85
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:14,625
I felt... I felt like some
sort of glorious concubine.
86
00:04:14,625 --> 00:04:16,541
ZOE: Exotic meaning
good foreign rather than
87
00:04:16,541 --> 00:04:18,083
- threatening foreign.
- Yeah, exactly.
88
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:20,416
Cath, I forgot to give you
some biryani.
89
00:04:20,416 --> 00:04:22,667
Oh, darling,
thank you so much.
90
00:04:23,250 --> 00:04:25,667
Oh! I cannot believe
that you did not tell me
91
00:04:25,667 --> 00:04:28,542
that Kaz has asked you
to find him a wife.
92
00:04:28,542 --> 00:04:29,917
Oh, my God. You are so lucky.
93
00:04:29,917 --> 00:04:33,458
Zoe would kill me if I even
tried to choose her clothes,
94
00:04:33,458 --> 00:04:34,792
let alone a husband.
95
00:04:34,792 --> 00:04:36,792
That's because you'd choose
someone ill-fitting
96
00:04:36,792 --> 00:04:39,292
- and insist I grow into him.
- That's mean.
97
00:04:39,292 --> 00:04:40,958
- That's what you would do.
- Stop it, both...
98
00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:42,417
- (LAUGHS)
- Bye-bye.
99
00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,708
- Goodnight.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
100
00:04:44,708 --> 00:04:46,708
- ZOE: Night, Mum.
- Bye, darling. Buckle up.
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00:04:49,917 --> 00:04:53,875
So, Zoe, we loved your doc.
102
00:04:53,875 --> 00:04:55,375
Oh, loved it.
103
00:04:55,375 --> 00:04:58,000
- Kids in care?
- Yes, that one.
104
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,583
That's great.
Because I was hoping...
105
00:04:59,583 --> 00:05:01,125
Unfortunately,
106
00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:04,792
your ideas
for your next one...
107
00:05:04,792 --> 00:05:08,292
The bankruptcy courts,
honour killings...
108
00:05:08,292 --> 00:05:10,208
They're a bit bleak.
109
00:05:10,208 --> 00:05:12,042
- Downbeat.
- Yeah. And, you know...
110
00:05:12,042 --> 00:05:13,917
Your scratchier,
darker stuff...
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00:05:13,917 --> 00:05:14,667
- Which we love.
- We love it
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right down to the bones.
113
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,250
- Yeah.
- But...
114
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:19,708
It's not really rating
for us right now.
115
00:05:19,708 --> 00:05:21,500
I think, look,
what we're after
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00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,458
is sort of more upbeat...
117
00:05:23,458 --> 00:05:24,875
- OLLY: Yeah.
- Character-led stories.
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00:05:24,875 --> 00:05:26,417
- Warm heart...
- Yeah.
119
00:05:26,417 --> 00:05:27,500
OLLY: Um, feel-good, really.
120
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:28,750
And we were
kind of brainstorming,
121
00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:30,708
and we think
that there probably isn't
122
00:05:30,708 --> 00:05:34,500
a feel-good version
of honour killings.
123
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,542
- Probably not.
- But, er...
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00:05:36,542 --> 00:05:39,750
Thank you very much
for coming in.
125
00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:40,958
OLLY: We've connected now.
126
00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:42,417
SAM: Look, we've got
your details now.
127
00:05:42,417 --> 00:05:43,625
So, silver lining.
Always look at the upside.
128
00:05:43,625 --> 00:05:46,167
ZOE: Actually, hang on.
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
129
00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:49,875
Arranged marriages in modern
multi-cultural Britain.
130
00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,500
- Sorry, I wasn't listening...
- I'm sorry...
131
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,000
I was just explaining
that my childhood friend
132
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,833
whose parents
are from Pakistan...
133
00:05:57,833 --> 00:05:59,083
He was born in Pakistan? Cool.
134
00:05:59,083 --> 00:06:00,333
No, he was born here.
135
00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:02,250
But he lived literally
next door to me,
136
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:03,458
and we grew up together.
137
00:06:03,458 --> 00:06:06,292
And he's just decided
to have an arranged marriage.
138
00:06:06,292 --> 00:06:08,375
I could follow him
on his journey
139
00:06:08,375 --> 00:06:10,167
to marry a stranger
140
00:06:10,167 --> 00:06:12,292
chosen by his parents.
141
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:16,917
What's he... What's he like?
142
00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:19,000
Well, he's great,
he's funny, good-looking.
143
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,875
- Funny's good.
- Really funny!
144
00:06:20,875 --> 00:06:22,750
Kind. Er, you know...
145
00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:25,042
Literally, the last person
you'd ever expect
146
00:06:25,042 --> 00:06:26,750
to do something like this.
147
00:06:26,750 --> 00:06:28,708
I could interview
other British couples
148
00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,417
who've also had
arranged marriages.
149
00:06:30,417 --> 00:06:32,833
Um, older, younger,
happy, unhappy.
150
00:06:32,833 --> 00:06:34,208
Yeah, like in
When Harry Met Sally.
151
00:06:34,208 --> 00:06:35,958
Ooh, erm, don't you mean
152
00:06:35,958 --> 00:06:37,958
When Harry Was Forced
To Meet Sally?
153
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:39,583
- (CHUCKLES) Right. Nice.
- (CHUCKLES)
154
00:06:39,583 --> 00:06:43,083
Well, this isn't
a forced marriage, actually.
155
00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:44,375
This is his idea.
156
00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:46,750
My Big Fat Arranged Wedding.
157
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:49,458
Instead of Greek, yeah.
Oh, love it.
158
00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:52,792
Everyone thinks
that arranged marriages
159
00:06:52,792 --> 00:06:54,917
are some sort of
mediaeval chattel swap,
160
00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:56,667
but actually they've evolved
161
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,333
into what's called
assisted marriage
162
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:01,375
with the parents
just suggesting someone
163
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:03,042
who they think would be
a good match.
164
00:07:03,042 --> 00:07:04,542
Yeah, love that.
Absolutely love that.
165
00:07:04,542 --> 00:07:06,417
Now, I'm just thinking.
166
00:07:06,417 --> 00:07:08,375
Meet The Parents First.
167
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:09,875
- (OLLY LAUGHS)
- Meet The Parents First.
168
00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,125
- Right. Erm, Or, erm...
- It's called Meet The Parents.
169
00:07:11,125 --> 00:07:14,167
I Hope She's
A Pretty Woman.
170
00:07:14,875 --> 00:07:16,000
(OLLY AND SAM CHUCKLE)
171
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,875
Love Contractually.
172
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,750
- I Love Actually it.
- Yeah.
173
00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,875
I mean, think about it.
You got... You got eth, tick.
174
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,667
Female director. Double tick.
175
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:31,500
Huh!
176
00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:34,125
Wow.
177
00:07:35,375 --> 00:07:37,458
Are him
and his family on board?
178
00:07:41,125 --> 00:07:42,500
Totally.
179
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:43,708
Absolutely not. No.
180
00:07:43,708 --> 00:07:46,000
ZOE: Come on, Kaz. I'm down
on my knees. I'm begging you.
181
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,417
Out of the question, Zoe.
182
00:07:47,417 --> 00:07:49,375
Kaz, will you please just
do this for me?
183
00:07:49,375 --> 00:07:50,458
Zoe...
184
00:07:50,458 --> 00:07:52,750
-Please!
- I can't talk right now.
185
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:53,958
I don't know if you've heard,
186
00:07:53,958 --> 00:07:56,292
but I'm an award-winning
documentary film-maker.
187
00:07:56,292 --> 00:07:58,250
- Yeah. I did hear that, yeah.
- (ZOE CHUCKLES)
188
00:07:58,250 --> 00:07:59,708
ZOE: Also, aren't you...
I mean, listen...
189
00:07:59,708 --> 00:08:01,375
Aren't you proud
to be a Muslim?
190
00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:03,500
Of course I'm a proud Muslim.
191
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:06,875
ZOE: Yeah, then wouldn't it be
a good thing to see
192
00:08:06,875 --> 00:08:08,542
someone like you
on TV for once?
193
00:08:08,542 --> 00:08:11,000
Don't extremist madmen
make more entertaining TV?
194
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,292
No, it's important.
Come on, Kaz, please.
195
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:14,458
We'll get to hang out,
196
00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:15,625
we'll get to spend
some time together.
197
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,708
It'll be fun. Like old times.
198
00:08:17,708 --> 00:08:19,042
Old times? I just remember you
199
00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:20,958
and my sister constantly
trying to shake me off.
200
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,000
- Does that sound a bit weird?
- (ZOE LAUGHS)
201
00:08:24,042 --> 00:08:25,542
Come on, please.
202
00:08:25,542 --> 00:08:27,417
Oh, God, Zoe, stop.
203
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:28,583
You owe me.
204
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:29,958
I never told Aunty Aisha
205
00:08:29,958 --> 00:08:31,250
what you got up to
in that treehouse.
206
00:08:32,042 --> 00:08:33,500
KAZ: All right.
Well, what about this?
207
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,707
We'll meet up,
play a little table tennis.
208
00:08:35,707 --> 00:08:37,832
And if you beat me,
I'll think about it.
209
00:08:37,832 --> 00:08:39,792
Yeah. Sounds good.
No pressure.
210
00:08:39,792 --> 00:08:41,417
Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
211
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:43,542
I'm getting...
It's been a while
212
00:08:43,542 --> 00:08:45,083
since I've played this.
213
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:49,375
Er, dare I ask?
What about love?
214
00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:52,375
It's just a different way
of getting there.
215
00:08:52,375 --> 00:08:53,750
You don't have
to start with love.
216
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,042
You end with love. You know?
217
00:08:55,042 --> 00:08:56,125
And over time,
218
00:08:56,125 --> 00:08:58,500
you grow to love the person
you're with.
219
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,833
Hmm. What?
Like Stockholm Syndrome?
220
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,292
You know, my parents aren't
making me do this.
221
00:09:04,292 --> 00:09:06,583
No, I know.
That's why I'm so surprised.
222
00:09:08,292 --> 00:09:11,083
Do you know what the UK
divorce rate is? I found out.
223
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:12,167
No. Er, 50%?
224
00:09:12,875 --> 00:09:14,667
- 55%.
- (CHUCKLES)
225
00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:17,250
And guess what it is for
Arranged marriages? 6%. Boom.
226
00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:20,667
Thing is, Zoe,
I've seen it work.
227
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:22,708
I want my kids to have
what I had. Stability.
228
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:24,542
Marriage isn't just about
two people being in love.
229
00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:26,750
It's a bigger thing than that.
230
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:28,667
It's about what's best
for children,
231
00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:30,542
and the whole family. Society.
232
00:09:30,542 --> 00:09:32,167
Just say all that weird,
old-fashioned,
233
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:33,833
conventional shit on camera.
234
00:09:33,833 --> 00:09:35,708
- Fuck, that is so annoying.
- (ZOE LAUGHING)
235
00:09:36,792 --> 00:09:38,583
If I win this rally, right,
236
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:40,833
you're doing the film.
(LAUGHS)
237
00:09:40,833 --> 00:09:42,375
- (GROANS)
- (YELLS) Yes!
238
00:09:42,375 --> 00:09:44,125
God.
239
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,583
You know where we're going.
I just told you.
240
00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:46,708
I know. But just say it
for the camera.
241
00:09:46,708 --> 00:09:47,875
And look in my eyes.
242
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:50,000
- What, down to you?
- Yeah, tell me.
243
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,833
Can you give me two seconds?
It's literally just here.
244
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:54,667
ZOE: And how is this
245
00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:57,958
any different from, say,
dating apps?
246
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,750
Well, I guess you could say
it's kind of like a bespoke,
247
00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:05,333
3D halal Tinder,
operated by your parents.
248
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:07,875
I'm Aisha Khan.
249
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,750
I'm the cultural consultant on
this very positive documentary
250
00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:12,292
- on arranged marriage.
- ZOE: Great.
251
00:10:12,292 --> 00:10:13,417
If you could just, um,
252
00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:14,833
- ignore the camera.
- MAN: Hi, guys.
253
00:10:15,583 --> 00:10:18,917
Salam aleikum. Mo here.
Mo the matchmaker.
254
00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,250
And if you're looking for
a suitable match for your son,
255
00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:22,917
then you've come
to the right place.
256
00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:24,583
We do daughters as well.
257
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:25,792
Again, just...
You can just pretend
258
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,583
I'm not here.
Sorry, I'm invisible.
259
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:30,417
Natural. Bring it down
a little bit. Sure, okay.
260
00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:31,542
Okay.
261
00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:36,458
So, platinum services,
they also include me
262
00:10:36,458 --> 00:10:38,333
checking out
the girl's family.
263
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,792
Seeing that she's
from a good family home,
264
00:10:39,792 --> 00:10:40,417
nice, tidy, clean.
265
00:10:40,417 --> 00:10:42,375
Okay. So, guys, tell me,
266
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,167
what kind of lovely lady
are we looking for today?
267
00:10:45,167 --> 00:10:47,917
Someone intelligent
and attractive
268
00:10:47,917 --> 00:10:49,792
and who I click with,
I suppose.
269
00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:51,958
People keep talking
about this click. You know?
270
00:10:51,958 --> 00:10:53,583
He needs a companion,
not a click.
271
00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,875
You know, just someone
who can tolerate my parents.
272
00:10:55,875 --> 00:10:57,917
You know, a girl
from the same background.
273
00:10:57,917 --> 00:11:00,250
Soft-spoken, long hair.
274
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:01,583
Er, not too dark.
275
00:11:01,583 --> 00:11:03,625
Wheatish complexion,
at the most.
276
00:11:03,625 --> 00:11:04,958
Wheat, beige?
277
00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:06,583
Did you bring your
Pantone colour chart?
278
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,875
Be serious about this, okay?
279
00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:11,500
Brother, have a look at these
and tell me what you think.
280
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,750
- No photos?
- No photos yet.
281
00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:15,583
Think about it,
if she's too fit,
282
00:11:15,583 --> 00:11:17,458
then you won't know
if she's a good fit.
283
00:11:17,458 --> 00:11:18,875
You're gonna see the picture.
284
00:11:18,875 --> 00:11:20,875
Yeah. You're thinking
with your little...
285
00:11:20,875 --> 00:11:23,542
You need to be thinking
with your... Okay?
286
00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:25,833
So, religious observance.
287
00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:28,042
Do you want practising,
moderately practising?
288
00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:30,417
- Practising.
- Not too conservative.
289
00:11:30,417 --> 00:11:31,875
And beard or no beard?
290
00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:33,125
What?
291
00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:37,000
Uh, wrong list.
Sorry, give that back.
292
00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:38,542
Sorry.
293
00:11:38,542 --> 00:11:41,708
Um, okay, and modesty,
are we talking hijab?
294
00:11:41,708 --> 00:11:44,000
Are we talking niqab?
Are we talking jilbab?
295
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,125
Niqab is not necessary.
296
00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:47,208
We are a modern family
after all.
297
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:49,625
Okay. Now, do we want
a housewife kind of lady,
298
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:50,958
or do we want career lady?
299
00:11:50,958 --> 00:11:53,125
KAZ: Seriously, as long as
we're on the same wavelength,
300
00:11:53,125 --> 00:11:54,667
and we have things
in common...
301
00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:55,833
But not too ambitious,
302
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:58,208
or too much into this, er,
women's lib.
303
00:11:58,208 --> 00:11:59,417
(REASSURES IN URDU)
304
00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:01,458
And, er, community?
305
00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:04,042
- Pakistani.
- We're open to any background.
306
00:12:04,042 --> 00:12:05,292
But they just said Pakistan.
307
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,417
- As long as she's Muslim.
- ZAHID: But not Indian.
308
00:12:07,417 --> 00:12:10,792
Punjabi, Sindhi, Balochi.
All these are okay.
309
00:12:10,792 --> 00:12:12,208
- Sure, cool.
- AISHA: Actually, it would
310
00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:15,042
be best if she is a, you know,
Jalandhar KPK Pathan mix.
311
00:12:15,042 --> 00:12:16,750
This is getting kind of niche.
312
00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:18,583
Okay, and what's, er...
What's your education, bro?
313
00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:20,458
Bachelors in Biology.
Then medical school.
314
00:12:21,917 --> 00:12:22,708
- He's a doctor.
- Oof.
315
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,000
Listen, top of the food chain.
316
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,417
- See?
- MO: Easy.
317
00:12:25,417 --> 00:12:27,083
And any vices
I should know about?
318
00:12:27,083 --> 00:12:28,500
Any drinking, smoking?
319
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:30,542
Dogging? S and M?
Anything like that?
320
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:31,958
- None.
- No.
321
00:12:31,958 --> 00:12:32,750
Okay, Uncle, Aunty,
322
00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:34,500
I will find your son
a brilliant match.
323
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,292
You don't worry about that.
Thank you very much.
324
00:12:36,292 --> 00:12:37,875
Thank you very much.
325
00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:38,833
No dogs, no pets.
326
00:12:38,833 --> 00:12:41,458
No, no. Dogging means
something... Don't worry.
327
00:12:41,458 --> 00:12:42,875
ZAHID: Cats are okay.
MO: Cats?
328
00:12:42,875 --> 00:12:44,958
I'll write that down. "Cats".
329
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,333
We met on our wedding day.
330
00:12:49,375 --> 00:12:51,542
My parents, you know,
they showed me her photograph
331
00:12:51,542 --> 00:12:53,917
and I said, "Okay, it's fine."
332
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:56,583
My mother asked me,
but I said,
333
00:12:56,583 --> 00:13:00,000
"No, you choose.
So, later I can blame you."
334
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,125
Her father was Deputy
Commissioner of the district,
335
00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:07,042
and my father was a doctor
in the same village.
336
00:13:07,042 --> 00:13:08,167
They were friends,
337
00:13:08,167 --> 00:13:09,792
so, they arranged
the marriage.
338
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,125
I remember, on the wedding,
339
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,083
we were sitting on the stage
and the lights went out.
340
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,250
In Pakistan, there is
an electricity problem.
341
00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,750
And she got scared,
342
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:21,125
so I leaned over to her
and said,
343
00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:23,042
"Don't worry, it's nothing."
344
00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:26,750
Then I felt okay.
345
00:13:27,292 --> 00:13:29,625
After that,
it was simple sailing.
346
00:13:31,292 --> 00:13:33,833
You know,
when the lights came on,
347
00:13:33,833 --> 00:13:35,875
I felt he was looking at me.
348
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:41,375
She looked tip-top.
349
00:13:41,375 --> 00:13:43,000
I thought to myself,
350
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,125
"They made
a first-class choice."
351
00:13:47,958 --> 00:13:50,250
(INCAPABLE BY RÓISÍN MURPHY PLAYING)
♪ Gone cold ♪
352
00:13:51,542 --> 00:13:53,708
♪ It's horrible weather ♪
353
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,083
♪ It's gone stone cold ♪
354
00:13:58,083 --> 00:14:02,000
♪ And you know
we should've got it together ♪
355
00:14:02,792 --> 00:14:04,792
(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
356
00:14:05,292 --> 00:14:07,083
♪ Well, it's nice ♪
357
00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:10,833
♪ It's nice to be wanted ♪
358
00:14:10,833 --> 00:14:13,250
{\an8}ZOE: What was wrong with him?
He looked nice.
359
00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:15,083
{\an8}- GIRLS: No!
- Him, him. Stop.
360
00:14:15,083 --> 00:14:17,042
He's hot enough
that I'll overlook
361
00:14:17,042 --> 00:14:18,542
that inspirational quote.
362
00:14:18,542 --> 00:14:21,208
LILY: "My mantra is..."
363
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:22,750
No.
364
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:25,083
"...you have
to endure the rain
365
00:14:25,083 --> 00:14:27,875
"if you want
to see the rainbow."
366
00:14:27,875 --> 00:14:29,167
What does that mean?
367
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:31,042
It means I'll have to toss
a Viagra in his mouth
368
00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:32,167
- when he's talking.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
369
00:14:32,167 --> 00:14:33,667
Daddy's home.
370
00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:36,167
LILY: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
MAUD: Daddy!
371
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,625
ZOE: What are you doing?
372
00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:39,958
I thought the one upside
to getting married
373
00:14:39,958 --> 00:14:41,500
is that you get
to let yourself go?
374
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:42,917
MAUD: Yeah, what's a Viagra?
375
00:14:42,917 --> 00:14:44,500
Aunty Zoe here, by any chance?
376
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,208
ZOE: I'll go read to the kids
377
00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:47,292
so you can enjoy
some alone time.
378
00:14:47,292 --> 00:14:50,375
Oh, shut up.
Nothing inappropriate, please!
379
00:14:50,375 --> 00:14:52,083
- Mmm-mmm. Never.
- (HELENA CHUCKLES)
380
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,333
Come on. Come here.
381
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,708
Once upon a time...
382
00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:59,875
He can come and listen to me
on my shoulder.
383
00:14:59,875 --> 00:15:01,542
- Ready?
- Yes.
384
00:15:01,542 --> 00:15:03,458
Oh, come here, Maud.
385
00:15:03,458 --> 00:15:04,667
Once upon a time,
386
00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:07,458
there was a girl
and she met a frog.
387
00:15:07,458 --> 00:15:09,625
And he promised her
388
00:15:09,625 --> 00:15:11,958
(IN CARTOONISH VOICE)
"If you kiss me,
389
00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:14,625
"I'll turn into
a handsome prince."
390
00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:16,000
(IMITATES FROG CROAKING)
391
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,833
(IN NORMAL VOICE) And
she said, "I'm not interested
392
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,125
"in fixing anyone but myself.
393
00:15:20,125 --> 00:15:21,958
"And anyway,
394
00:15:21,958 --> 00:15:24,833
"I'd far rather have a cool,
395
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:27,958
"talking frog
than a boring old prince."
396
00:15:27,958 --> 00:15:30,292
- (CHUCKLES)
- That's not a good story.
397
00:15:30,292 --> 00:15:31,625
Do Cinderella.
398
00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:34,458
All right, I'll do Cinderella,
if you're in bed in
399
00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:37,250
five, four, three, two...
400
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:38,583
Once upon a time,
401
00:15:38,583 --> 00:15:41,000
Cinderella met
a handsome prince.
402
00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:44,083
And sometimes, kids,
you meet someone,
403
00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:45,667
and you know in a heartbeat
404
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:48,250
that you want
to spend the rest of your life
405
00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:50,583
without them.
406
00:15:52,833 --> 00:15:55,208
Once upon another time,
407
00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:56,458
Cinderella met another prince.
408
00:15:56,458 --> 00:15:58,542
- You can probably tell...
- ZOE: Because in fairy tales,
409
00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:00,708
a heroine is incomplete
without one.
410
00:16:00,708 --> 00:16:02,208
...how well I've done
out of everything,
411
00:16:02,208 --> 00:16:03,750
And do you know what?
412
00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,125
You'd be bloody right, actually.
413
00:16:05,125 --> 00:16:08,000
ZOE: And another prince.
414
00:16:10,958 --> 00:16:13,250
And he asked her to marry him.
415
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,167
And she said,
416
00:16:17,292 --> 00:16:18,375
"No".
417
00:16:19,083 --> 00:16:21,375
Cinderella focused
on glass ceilings
418
00:16:21,375 --> 00:16:22,708
instead of glass slippers,
419
00:16:22,708 --> 00:16:24,208
which means she focused on work
420
00:16:24,208 --> 00:16:28,208
and realised she was fine
without a boring old prince.
421
00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:29,667
The End.
422
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:37,000
Check, one, two...
(CLEARS THROAT)
423
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,750
Asalam aleikum,
brothers and sisters.
424
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,750
Welcome to this very,
425
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,125
very special Muslim
marriage event.
426
00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:47,083
I go by the name
of Mo the Matchmaker.
427
00:16:47,083 --> 00:16:49,417
And I'm here
to find you a match. (LAUGHS)
428
00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:53,417
We are gonna end the spinster
crisis together, guys.
429
00:16:53,417 --> 00:16:54,792
Come on.
430
00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:56,125
There's someone
out there for everyone.
431
00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:57,833
And we all have needs.
432
00:16:57,833 --> 00:17:01,125
Divorcees. Disabled people.
433
00:17:01,125 --> 00:17:02,542
Women over 30.
434
00:17:03,875 --> 00:17:05,083
Okay, brothers,
435
00:17:05,083 --> 00:17:06,208
you may now approach
436
00:17:06,208 --> 00:17:08,250
any sisters
that you like the look of.
437
00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:10,750
Good. Rotate. Very nice.
438
00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:12,000
Oh, look at that chemistry.
439
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,666
We keep it halal, here.
We keep it halal.
440
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,458
Be honest. You're not
gonna get what you want
441
00:17:15,458 --> 00:17:17,000
if you don't say
what you want.
442
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,583
Guys, you want a good cook,
say you want your Nigella.
443
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:21,166
Girls, you want the money man,
444
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,708
say, "I'm looking
for my Elon Musk."
445
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,000
Use your best lines.
446
00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:28,416
Now we are gonna
form a circle of ten.
447
00:17:28,416 --> 00:17:31,208
Five guys, five girls.
Chaperones at the back.
448
00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:33,250
Come on, guys, let's do it.
449
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:35,875
Your parents are gonna be
so happy, trust me.
450
00:17:35,875 --> 00:17:37,500
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
451
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:38,667
Come on.
452
00:17:38,667 --> 00:17:40,333
And, guys,
I want you to be honest, okay?
453
00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,750
Is this your first time?
454
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:46,250
(SCOFFS) Mate, here,
it's everyone's first time.
455
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:48,042
At least that's what
they'll tell you.
456
00:17:48,833 --> 00:17:49,917
- (CHUCKLES)
- Boys, boys, boys.
457
00:17:49,917 --> 00:17:52,083
What's going on? Why are you
talking to each other?
458
00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:53,792
There's girls here. Okay?
459
00:17:53,792 --> 00:17:56,250
Unless you want marriage
outside of Islamic sharia,
460
00:17:56,250 --> 00:17:58,167
I suggest you stop talking
to the same sex.
461
00:17:58,167 --> 00:17:59,958
All right, boys? Enjoy.
462
00:17:59,958 --> 00:18:02,042
I'm looking for someone
who has patience
463
00:18:02,042 --> 00:18:03,583
and an understanding
of culture.
464
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,792
Someone who's supportive
and honest,
465
00:18:06,792 --> 00:18:07,917
who likes to travel.
466
00:18:07,917 --> 00:18:09,875
Well, just someone
who's great.
467
00:18:09,875 --> 00:18:11,583
And who's British enough
for me,
468
00:18:11,583 --> 00:18:13,583
and, er, Pakistani enough
for my family.
469
00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:17,583
Someone down to earth
with a sense of humour,
470
00:18:17,583 --> 00:18:19,583
who will encourage me
in my religion.
471
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:22,458
Where are you from?
472
00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:24,333
Erm, Birmingham.
How about you?
473
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:26,125
Well, I'm from...
Well, I'm from London.
474
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,417
- What do you do?
- I'm a banker.
475
00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:31,625
- What do you do?
- I... Well, I'm a doctor.
476
00:18:33,875 --> 00:18:34,875
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
477
00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:38,000
ZOE: Oh, Kaz.
478
00:18:38,708 --> 00:18:41,208
Isn't this a massive,
crazy gamble?
479
00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,625
I mean... (SIGHS)
480
00:18:43,083 --> 00:18:45,583
(STUTTERS)
What if there's no chemistry?
481
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,708
How are you even gonna know,
482
00:18:47,708 --> 00:18:49,125
if you don't believe in sex
before marriage
483
00:18:49,125 --> 00:18:50,542
all of a sudden?
484
00:18:50,542 --> 00:18:53,667
I'm not sure I believe in sex
after marriage.
485
00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:56,208
Most of my friends have
no sex after marriage.
486
00:18:56,208 --> 00:18:57,542
And that's with the loves
of their lives.
487
00:18:57,542 --> 00:19:00,500
That's a fair point.
It's depressing.
488
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:04,333
I think you can usually tell
489
00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:06,083
if the sex would work.
490
00:19:10,375 --> 00:19:12,167
(CHUCKLES)
491
00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:14,750
Do you wanna go
and get a drink?
492
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:16,625
A Bloody Mary for me,
and a Virgin for you.
493
00:19:19,417 --> 00:19:21,042
I've got lunch
with my parents.
494
00:19:21,042 --> 00:19:23,292
- Oh.
- It's Mother's Day.
495
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:25,000
Oh, shit.
496
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,167
(ZOE SIGHS)
497
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:31,458
- KAZ: See you tomorrow.
- Yeah. (CLEARS THROAT)
498
00:19:32,708 --> 00:19:33,833
- Bye.
- Bye.
499
00:19:41,625 --> 00:19:43,292
(BLESSING IN URDU)
500
00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:45,000
(IN ENGLISH) Hi, Zoe.
501
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,333
Ah! Allah kum salam,
Aunty Aisha.
502
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:49,583
- (LAUGHS)
- What?
503
00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:50,917
You still can't say it.
It's...
504
00:19:50,917 --> 00:19:52,542
Asalam aleikum, Aisha.
505
00:19:52,542 --> 00:19:53,625
There you go.
506
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,167
That's exactly
what I just said.
507
00:19:55,167 --> 00:19:57,083
Happy Mother's Day.
508
00:19:57,083 --> 00:19:59,042
CATH: Wish I could say
the same to you.
509
00:19:59,042 --> 00:20:01,875
I was just saying I wish
I could say the same to her.
510
00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:04,458
- Inshallah.
- CATH: Fat chance of that.
511
00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:06,708
I cannot, for the life of me,
512
00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:08,292
find my other
washing-up glove.
513
00:20:08,292 --> 00:20:10,417
And these are new.
I've looked everywhere.
514
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,208
Gosh, hasn't Kazim
got so good...
515
00:20:12,208 --> 00:20:13,542
Where are you? Oh.
516
00:20:13,542 --> 00:20:15,375
...so good-looking?
517
00:20:15,375 --> 00:20:16,708
It's hardly surprising, is it?
518
00:20:16,708 --> 00:20:18,208
Look at his mother.
I mean, she...
519
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:20,167
She's so elegant,
she could be Greek
520
00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:21,833
or Italian.
521
00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:24,750
The compliment
that's actually an insult.
522
00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:26,750
You wouldn't think
they were Muslims
523
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,083
to look at them, would you?
524
00:20:28,083 --> 00:20:28,917
I don't know, Mum.
525
00:20:28,917 --> 00:20:31,375
What do 1.8 billion Muslims
all look like?
526
00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:33,208
- (INHALING SHARPLY)
- (PAN SIZZLING)
527
00:20:33,208 --> 00:20:35,125
- Careful.
- Just...
528
00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:36,833
We've been very lucky to
have them as neighbours.
529
00:20:36,833 --> 00:20:38,208
Actually, they've become
like family to me
530
00:20:38,208 --> 00:20:40,708
since your father left
for that teenaged whore.
531
00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:42,833
- She's 35.
- Exactly.
532
00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:44,167
Oh, is that Grindr?
533
00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:45,917
My hairdresser's
never off that.
534
00:20:45,917 --> 00:20:47,625
- Anyone we should meet?
- No.
535
00:20:47,625 --> 00:20:49,750
Oh, well, don't leave it
too late.
536
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,875
Human eggs have
a sell-by date, too, you know.
537
00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:55,583
Maybe I'll freeze them.
538
00:20:55,583 --> 00:20:57,583
I could be a 90-year-old
pushing a triple pram.
539
00:20:57,583 --> 00:21:01,500
Well, that's no good to me,
is it? Because I'll be dead.
540
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:02,875
(SIGHING) Oh...
541
00:21:02,875 --> 00:21:04,292
- (WHINES)
- CATH: How is your egg?
542
00:21:04,292 --> 00:21:06,375
It looks a bit raw.
543
00:21:06,375 --> 00:21:07,625
- ZOE: Mmm.
- (WHINES)
544
00:21:07,625 --> 00:21:11,333
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
My Marigold!
545
00:21:11,708 --> 00:21:13,250
That's where it got to.
546
00:21:13,250 --> 00:21:15,542
He eats your
washing-up gloves?
547
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:16,750
He eats everything.
548
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,792
At least now you can tell
which way round he is.
549
00:21:18,792 --> 00:21:20,542
Oh!
550
00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:23,042
CATH: I'm ringing
my lovely vet.
551
00:21:23,042 --> 00:21:24,458
You're going
to have to take him
552
00:21:24,458 --> 00:21:26,417
to James the vet
for me tomorrow.
553
00:21:26,417 --> 00:21:28,125
Why can't you take him?
554
00:21:28,125 --> 00:21:30,167
It's my day visiting cancer
patients at the Marsden.
555
00:21:30,167 --> 00:21:32,167
I can't. I've got
a really important meeting.
556
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:34,167
It's the children's ward.
557
00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:35,958
He'll be fine.
558
00:21:35,958 --> 00:21:37,875
He's eaten my HRT patches
as well.
559
00:21:37,875 --> 00:21:38,917
He'll grow breasts.
560
00:21:38,917 --> 00:21:41,375
You'll grow breasts,
you silly dog.
561
00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:42,708
- (CHUCKLING)
- It's not funny, ZoZo.
562
00:21:42,708 --> 00:21:44,083
It is funny, actually.
563
00:21:44,083 --> 00:21:47,042
James, it's me. I... Erm...
564
00:21:47,042 --> 00:21:49,208
It's the dog. I can't explain,
565
00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:50,792
but something
is hanging out of him
566
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:53,125
at the wrong end.
567
00:21:55,417 --> 00:21:56,458
How's it going then, boy?
568
00:21:56,458 --> 00:21:57,875
Did you find
your missus today?
569
00:21:57,875 --> 00:21:58,833
KAZ: Don't start with me, man.
570
00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:00,417
I knew you were gonna start
with me today.
571
00:22:00,417 --> 00:22:01,792
- Let me just enjoy my...
- AISHA: Anyone good?
572
00:22:03,333 --> 00:22:05,875
(SIGHS) There was no one
I clicked with. There was...
573
00:22:05,875 --> 00:22:07,333
Click and collect.
574
00:22:08,833 --> 00:22:11,208
Ammi, come on.
There has to be a spark.
575
00:22:11,208 --> 00:22:13,625
- There wasn't even a flicker.
- You know what I say.
576
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:15,292
(AISHA SPEAKING URDU)
577
00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:17,375
(IN ENGLISH)
Simmer first, then boil.
578
00:22:17,375 --> 00:22:19,458
You all want to boil first,
then simmer.
579
00:22:19,458 --> 00:22:21,583
And when it cools down,
you get disappointed,
580
00:22:21,583 --> 00:22:22,917
and throw out the chai.
581
00:22:22,917 --> 00:22:24,125
Yeah, well,
simmer for too long,
582
00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:25,417
you end up with a dry pot.
583
00:22:25,417 --> 00:22:27,333
No-one likes a dry pot, bro.
584
00:22:27,333 --> 00:22:28,625
(ZAHID REPRIMANDING IN URDU)
585
00:22:28,625 --> 00:22:30,125
(IN ENGLISH) He threw
the thing at me, tell him off.
586
00:22:30,125 --> 00:22:32,833
The problem is, people have
too many options.
587
00:22:32,833 --> 00:22:34,208
(SPEAKS URDU)
588
00:22:34,208 --> 00:22:36,625
(IN ENGLISH) The distant drum
sounds more exciting.
589
00:22:37,542 --> 00:22:40,333
Did you tell him
about the girl
590
00:22:40,333 --> 00:22:41,958
that Mo bhai rang about, huh?
591
00:22:42,833 --> 00:22:45,417
There's a very nice girl
in Lahore.
592
00:22:45,417 --> 00:22:47,750
Convent educated,
excellent family.
593
00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:49,875
Height is okay, five foot two.
594
00:22:49,875 --> 00:22:52,083
If she were five foot,
I would hesitate.
595
00:22:52,083 --> 00:22:53,208
(IN URDU) Why wasn't I told?
596
00:22:53,208 --> 00:22:55,000
AISHA: (IN URDU)
I'll tell you, I'll tell you.
597
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,917
(IN ENGLISH) Supposed to have
a very good nature.
598
00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:58,792
What am I gonna have in common
with someone from Pakistan?
599
00:22:58,792 --> 00:23:00,208
ZAHID: Besides culture, religion,
600
00:23:00,208 --> 00:23:01,875
language, colour,
family, genes.
601
00:23:01,875 --> 00:23:03,125
Should I go on?
602
00:23:03,125 --> 00:23:05,042
Yeah, think about it. And your
surname will be the same.
603
00:23:05,042 --> 00:23:06,500
She's a Khan?
604
00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:09,167
Passport, credit cards.
No change.
605
00:23:09,167 --> 00:23:11,375
But she's not a relation?
606
00:23:11,375 --> 00:23:13,750
No. But nothing wrong
with that.
607
00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:16,167
You know, Victoria and Albert
were first cousins.
608
00:23:16,167 --> 00:23:17,583
And they had a museum
named after them!
609
00:23:17,583 --> 00:23:18,833
KAZ: Okay, yeah, I know.
610
00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:19,917
AISHA: Listen, we are meeting
611
00:23:19,917 --> 00:23:21,583
the family over Skype
this evening.
612
00:23:21,583 --> 00:23:23,208
You see if you like her.
613
00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:25,375
Please.
614
00:23:26,458 --> 00:23:27,500
(AISHA SPEAKING URDU)
615
00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:29,958
KAZ: (IN ENGLISH) Okay. Don't.
616
00:23:29,958 --> 00:23:31,833
Our parents
both knew each other.
617
00:23:31,833 --> 00:23:33,125
They wanted us to meet.
618
00:23:33,125 --> 00:23:35,083
But we were both like, "Nah".
619
00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:36,917
"No way".
620
00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:39,000
- Sorry, sorry.
- Okay.
621
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,500
(LAUGHS)
622
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:43,250
Then I saw him at Rumi's Cave.
623
00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:45,083
It's like
this cultural centre.
624
00:23:45,083 --> 00:23:47,042
And we were both part
of the Muslim archery club.
625
00:23:47,042 --> 00:23:48,167
But we never spoke.
626
00:23:48,167 --> 00:23:51,042
- She was on Minder.
- But he was on Muzmatch.
627
00:23:51,042 --> 00:23:53,083
So we were on different paths.
628
00:23:53,083 --> 00:23:56,458
But we were on the same team
for the Muslim muggles quiz.
629
00:23:56,792 --> 00:23:58,417
It's for Harry Potter fans,
630
00:23:58,417 --> 00:24:01,042
looking at Islamic values
in the series.
631
00:24:01,042 --> 00:24:04,083
- And we identified loads.
- And we won!
632
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:06,167
Team Hufflepuff!
633
00:24:06,583 --> 00:24:08,750
So, then, after that,
we agreed to meet.
634
00:24:09,250 --> 00:24:12,000
And I remember saying
to myself, you know,
635
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,875
"You wander from room
to room sometimes
636
00:24:13,875 --> 00:24:15,583
"looking for the diamond
637
00:24:15,583 --> 00:24:17,625
"that's already
around your own neck."
638
00:24:18,167 --> 00:24:19,375
Rūmī. (CHUCKLES)
639
00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:24,500
(KAZ CHUCKLES)
640
00:24:25,875 --> 00:24:26,875
Okay.
641
00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:29,667
(SKYPE CALL CHIMING)
642
00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:32,250
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
643
00:24:34,583 --> 00:24:36,000
Er, hi.
644
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,083
Hi.
645
00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:43,375
Maymouna.
That's a very lovely name.
646
00:24:43,375 --> 00:24:44,500
It's very beautiful.
647
00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:46,167
Thank you.
648
00:24:47,708 --> 00:24:50,375
Are you named
after anyone in your family?
649
00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:52,083
MAYMOUNA: Mmm.
650
00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:53,333
No.
651
00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:56,500
I think my parents
just liked it.
652
00:24:57,625 --> 00:24:59,125
Great. That's...
653
00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:01,167
You're... You're studying law?
654
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,000
Yes.
655
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,750
Well, I thought
about doing law.
656
00:25:05,750 --> 00:25:07,875
But then I didn't.
657
00:25:10,667 --> 00:25:12,333
Do you have any siblings?
658
00:25:12,333 --> 00:25:15,792
I have a brother
who lives here with his wife.
659
00:25:15,792 --> 00:25:17,583
And a sister.
660
00:25:18,833 --> 00:25:21,083
I have one brother, and, um,
661
00:25:22,417 --> 00:25:23,375
and...
662
00:25:30,292 --> 00:25:31,292
(CLEARS THROAT)
663
00:25:32,458 --> 00:25:35,167
My sister lives
in the Northern Areas.
664
00:25:35,750 --> 00:25:38,208
Her husband is posted there.
665
00:25:38,208 --> 00:25:39,417
The roof of the world.
666
00:25:39,417 --> 00:25:41,833
That's my favourite place
on earth.
667
00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:44,292
I haven't
been there yet, but...
668
00:25:44,292 --> 00:25:45,583
I remember the first time
I went.
669
00:25:45,583 --> 00:25:47,000
Um...
670
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,167
My grandfather took me.
671
00:25:48,167 --> 00:25:51,083
That was his favourite place
as well. And, um...
672
00:25:51,083 --> 00:25:52,417
I was just a little boy,
673
00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:54,125
and I'd wandered off
and got lost,
674
00:25:54,125 --> 00:25:57,500
and it was weird,
I wasn't scared. It was...
675
00:25:58,250 --> 00:26:01,167
It was the first time
I felt connected
676
00:26:01,167 --> 00:26:03,333
to something bigger
than myself, you know?
677
00:26:03,833 --> 00:26:05,667
Bigger than
my own fear, and...
678
00:26:06,208 --> 00:26:07,250
My grandfather gave me
679
00:26:07,250 --> 00:26:08,958
a tight slap when he found me,
though. (LAUGHS)
680
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,375
That's still the place I feel
closest to God. Definitely.
681
00:26:14,375 --> 00:26:16,583
And to my grandfather.
682
00:26:17,583 --> 00:26:20,500
How do you feel about possibly
moving to London?
683
00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:23,042
- Um...
- She's fine with it.
684
00:26:23,042 --> 00:26:24,542
She will love London.
685
00:26:24,542 --> 00:26:25,875
It's a very multi-cultural
place.
686
00:26:25,875 --> 00:26:27,458
Full of Pakistanis.
687
00:26:27,458 --> 00:26:32,042
(IN URDU) It's like
living in a giant brothel.
688
00:26:32,042 --> 00:26:33,083
(IN ENGLISH)
I'm sorry about this.
689
00:26:33,083 --> 00:26:34,333
- This is my big brother.
- It's okay.
690
00:26:34,333 --> 00:26:35,458
- Farooq.
- He gives me pocket money.
691
00:26:35,458 --> 00:26:36,500
It's normal.
692
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:38,875
(IN URDU)
They take their dogs to dinner
693
00:26:38,875 --> 00:26:41,667
and leave their children
at home.
694
00:26:41,667 --> 00:26:43,125
(IN ENGLISH) Don't mind her.
695
00:26:43,125 --> 00:26:44,667
(KAZ'S FAMILY CHUCKLES)
696
00:26:44,667 --> 00:26:46,250
- ZAHID: Very nice.
- Yeah.
697
00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:53,417
JAMES: What's he been eating
this time?
698
00:26:53,417 --> 00:26:55,375
- Mum's HRT patches.
- Ah.
699
00:26:55,375 --> 00:26:56,583
And her washing-up glove.
700
00:26:56,583 --> 00:26:59,750
Last time,
it was her pop socks.
701
00:26:59,750 --> 00:27:02,042
Oh, God.
He's like a fluffy Pac-Man.
702
00:27:02,042 --> 00:27:03,167
Let's take a look at him,
703
00:27:03,167 --> 00:27:04,250
- shall we?
- Mmm.
704
00:27:04,250 --> 00:27:06,375
If you could just hold him
nice and still.
705
00:27:06,375 --> 00:27:08,333
Okay. Come on, Barney.
706
00:27:08,333 --> 00:27:09,458
- Oh.
- There you go.
707
00:27:09,458 --> 00:27:10,625
- Oh, I'm just gonna...
- Sorry.
708
00:27:10,625 --> 00:27:12,542
- (CHUCKLES) Sorry.
- Sorry.
709
00:27:12,542 --> 00:27:14,375
Sorry. Does he
come here often?
710
00:27:14,375 --> 00:27:17,958
So often, I know all his
deepest, darkest secrets.
711
00:27:17,958 --> 00:27:20,250
And even some of yours.
712
00:27:20,250 --> 00:27:22,750
No, I'm kidding.
I'm just kidding.
713
00:27:22,750 --> 00:27:24,875
- But your mum has told me...
- (CHUCKLES)
714
00:27:24,875 --> 00:27:26,875
- ...all about you, though.
- Oh, God.
715
00:27:26,875 --> 00:27:29,083
Film school in London.
716
00:27:29,083 --> 00:27:32,750
Two documentaries.
And a Radio Times
717
00:27:32,750 --> 00:27:33,833
Viewers' and Listeners' Award.
718
00:27:33,833 --> 00:27:36,750
- She gave you my actual CV.
- And your complete works.
719
00:27:36,750 --> 00:27:38,708
- I'm so sorry.
- (LAUGHS) Don't worry.
720
00:27:38,708 --> 00:27:40,000
I haven't had a chance
to watch them yet,
721
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,250
but they do look really,
really great.
722
00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,917
Now, this guy
is gonna be just fine.
723
00:27:43,917 --> 00:27:45,083
If he hasn't passed them
by Friday,
724
00:27:45,083 --> 00:27:47,292
bring him back in,
we'll get him X-rayed.
725
00:27:47,542 --> 00:27:49,000
- Okay. (CHUCKLING)
- (CHUCKLES)
726
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,708
Thanks.
Come on, you silly dog.
727
00:27:51,708 --> 00:27:52,833
Good to see you again, Barney.
728
00:27:52,833 --> 00:27:54,125
And, um, it's lovely to
729
00:27:54,125 --> 00:27:56,375
meet you, too,
for the first time, Zoe.
730
00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:58,000
And you.
731
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,333
If you ever felt
like going out
732
00:27:59,333 --> 00:28:01,917
to get a drink or something, sometime,
733
00:28:01,917 --> 00:28:03,625
- we could...
- Thank you.
734
00:28:03,625 --> 00:28:05,125
I'm a bit snowed under
with work
735
00:28:05,125 --> 00:28:06,417
- at the moment.
- Yeah, sure.
736
00:28:06,417 --> 00:28:08,708
Just 'cause your mum said
that you... But never mind.
737
00:28:08,708 --> 00:28:09,917
Um...
738
00:28:10,292 --> 00:28:12,417
- Let me get the door for you.
- Yeah.
739
00:28:12,417 --> 00:28:14,542
Thank you. Sorry about that.
740
00:28:14,542 --> 00:28:16,292
- Ta-da!
- Er, mmm...
741
00:28:17,167 --> 00:28:19,000
- Uh, look after that guy.
- I will, thanks.
742
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:20,125
- Thanks so much.
- And let me know
743
00:28:20,125 --> 00:28:21,458
if your workload...
744
00:28:22,125 --> 00:28:23,208
eases.
745
00:28:23,708 --> 00:28:25,250
(SINGING)
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
746
00:28:25,250 --> 00:28:27,875
♪ Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Mum ♪
747
00:28:27,875 --> 00:28:29,375
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
748
00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:30,458
CATH: Thank you!
749
00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:31,750
I can't actually
talk right now
750
00:28:31,750 --> 00:28:33,833
because I'm about to, um...
I'm about to go and
751
00:28:33,833 --> 00:28:36,958
put some grand eggs on ice
for your birthday present.
752
00:28:36,958 --> 00:28:38,083
Ooh!
753
00:28:38,083 --> 00:28:39,167
Yeah. So, you can stop
754
00:28:39,167 --> 00:28:40,833
setting me up
with total strangers.
755
00:28:40,833 --> 00:28:43,417
What a wonderful
birthday present.
756
00:28:43,417 --> 00:28:44,875
Would you like them
gift wrapped?
757
00:28:44,875 --> 00:28:46,125
(ZOE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
758
00:28:46,125 --> 00:28:48,958
Is there an express service?
759
00:28:48,958 --> 00:28:50,625
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
760
00:28:50,625 --> 00:28:51,875
Just come in here
on your lunch break.
761
00:28:51,875 --> 00:28:53,583
And then in your 60s,
762
00:28:53,583 --> 00:28:55,500
we defrost your baby.
763
00:28:57,625 --> 00:28:58,917
No.
764
00:28:59,625 --> 00:29:00,708
No.
765
00:29:00,708 --> 00:29:02,500
Egg harvest.
766
00:29:02,833 --> 00:29:04,958
Yeah. Sounds festive, huh?
It's not.
767
00:29:06,083 --> 00:29:08,792
Listen, how much
do you want to be a mother?
768
00:29:08,792 --> 00:29:10,750
Mmm. Well,
I'd rather be a father.
769
00:29:10,750 --> 00:29:12,167
Then you don't have
770
00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:13,292
- to juggle everything.
- Yeah.
771
00:29:14,958 --> 00:29:16,625
No, I, um...
772
00:29:18,083 --> 00:29:20,000
Of course,
I want to be a mother.
773
00:29:20,542 --> 00:29:22,125
I just...
774
00:29:22,125 --> 00:29:25,833
You know, I want to find
the right person. And not yet.
775
00:29:26,708 --> 00:29:27,708
That's why I'm here.
776
00:29:28,333 --> 00:29:30,917
I keep seeing all these women
in their 50s having babies.
777
00:29:30,917 --> 00:29:32,708
So, that's gotta be
frozen eggs, right?
778
00:29:32,708 --> 00:29:34,625
Ah. The same women
that have, like,
779
00:29:34,625 --> 00:29:36,833
really nice skin
and no eye bags
780
00:29:36,833 --> 00:29:38,625
because they use
the right moisturiser?
781
00:29:39,083 --> 00:29:40,708
Yeah, highly unlikely.
782
00:29:40,708 --> 00:29:42,708
Do you know the success rate
for frozen eggs?
783
00:29:42,708 --> 00:29:43,792
Well, I know
784
00:29:43,792 --> 00:29:45,167
- it's not a guarantee.
- (MOBILE PHONE VIBRATING)
785
00:29:45,167 --> 00:29:46,792
DOCTOR: No. (SCOFFS)
786
00:29:46,792 --> 00:29:47,833
It's...
787
00:29:48,583 --> 00:29:49,625
1%.
788
00:29:49,625 --> 00:29:53,500
1% of frozen eggs
result in a live birth.
789
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,375
Really?
790
00:29:55,375 --> 00:29:57,625
But much better odds
for frozen embryos.
791
00:29:58,958 --> 00:30:00,208
- (MOBILE PHONE VIBRATING)
- Okay.
792
00:30:00,208 --> 00:30:03,208
Um, how do I freeze
an embryo, then?
793
00:30:03,208 --> 00:30:04,917
Just come in with a partner.
794
00:30:04,917 --> 00:30:06,875
Or, you know,
pick a sperm donor.
795
00:30:06,875 --> 00:30:10,000
Or just find a nice
gay friend. That's...
796
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,583
I don't have a partner.
797
00:30:11,583 --> 00:30:13,333
I thought that was the whole
point of this egg freezing,
798
00:30:13,333 --> 00:30:16,167
is that I don't have to put
all my eggs in one bastard.
799
00:30:16,167 --> 00:30:17,750
(MOBILE PHONE VIBRATING)
800
00:30:21,625 --> 00:30:24,500
He texted me instead of her
by mistake.
801
00:30:24,500 --> 00:30:25,833
(SIGHS EXASPERATEDLY)
802
00:30:27,375 --> 00:30:29,875
- Who is she?
- Someone in his office.
803
00:30:29,875 --> 00:30:31,750
I should have known.
804
00:30:32,250 --> 00:30:33,458
He kept not remembering
805
00:30:33,458 --> 00:30:34,542
- her name.
- (SIGHS)
806
00:30:36,125 --> 00:30:37,500
(DOOR OPENS)
807
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,333
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Hang on.
808
00:30:42,750 --> 00:30:45,458
Where are you going?
That's not him, is it?
809
00:30:45,458 --> 00:30:47,250
Can you deal with the kids?
810
00:30:50,208 --> 00:30:51,958
Oh, my God.
811
00:31:00,250 --> 00:31:01,292
Once upon a time,
812
00:31:01,292 --> 00:31:04,042
there was a girl called
Little Red Riding Hood.
813
00:31:04,958 --> 00:31:06,875
She'd had a bad week.
814
00:31:07,667 --> 00:31:10,083
And all she wanted
was to feel better.
815
00:31:11,833 --> 00:31:14,375
Or to feel nothing.
816
00:31:14,375 --> 00:31:16,375
(LOUD DANCE MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)
817
00:31:22,958 --> 00:31:26,167
So, when her mother warned her
not to stray off that path,
818
00:31:26,167 --> 00:31:28,208
and talk to any strangers
819
00:31:28,208 --> 00:31:30,625
Little Red Riding Hood
thought to herself,
820
00:31:31,333 --> 00:31:34,000
"Where's the fun
on a well-trodden path?"
821
00:31:34,250 --> 00:31:37,417
And of course, she met a wolf.
822
00:31:39,625 --> 00:31:41,042
In an instant,
823
00:31:41,042 --> 00:31:45,333
all those bad feelings
disappeared, like magic.
824
00:31:47,125 --> 00:31:48,958
"What's the worst
that could happen?"
825
00:31:48,958 --> 00:31:50,458
she thought to herself.
826
00:31:54,583 --> 00:31:57,417
"So, a bad boy wolf
wants to eat me?
827
00:31:59,667 --> 00:32:02,458
"A little nibble here
and there can't hurt.
828
00:32:04,250 --> 00:32:05,583
"Can it?"
829
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,000
(WATER RUNNING)
830
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:15,208
(GROANS)
831
00:32:21,167 --> 00:32:23,167
- (SIGHS)
- (MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
832
00:32:29,042 --> 00:32:31,083
(SIGHS)
833
00:32:31,083 --> 00:32:32,958
- (DOOR OPENS)
- MAN: I was in the shower.
834
00:32:32,958 --> 00:32:34,000
Yeah.
835
00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:35,625
Yeah.
836
00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:41,083
Mmm-hmm.
837
00:32:41,708 --> 00:32:43,625
Sorry. Yeah, I, um...
838
00:32:43,917 --> 00:32:46,250
I fell asleep with my phone
on silent.
839
00:32:46,750 --> 00:32:47,833
(DOOR CLOSES)
840
00:32:48,208 --> 00:32:50,000
(SIGHS)
841
00:32:56,958 --> 00:32:58,958
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
842
00:33:09,833 --> 00:33:11,833
(CONTINUES BREATHING HEAVILY)
843
00:33:15,042 --> 00:33:16,958
(MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY)
844
00:33:16,958 --> 00:33:18,333
(ZOE STUTTERS)
845
00:33:18,333 --> 00:33:19,542
(KAZ GRUNTS AND GROANS)
846
00:33:19,542 --> 00:33:21,750
- Ooh!
- (KAZ CONTINUES GROANING)
847
00:33:22,542 --> 00:33:25,083
- Man down.
- KAZ: Ah, come on. Bloody sub .
848
00:33:26,083 --> 00:33:27,625
(GRUNTS)
849
00:33:27,625 --> 00:33:28,750
KAZ: You're on.
850
00:33:30,583 --> 00:33:32,125
(ZOE LAUGHS)
851
00:33:32,125 --> 00:33:33,208
Did you get the goal,
at least?
852
00:33:33,208 --> 00:33:35,375
No, I just got you going
down like a skittle.
853
00:33:35,375 --> 00:33:36,458
Great.
854
00:33:36,917 --> 00:33:39,417
(LAUGHING)
That looked painful. Oh.
855
00:33:40,292 --> 00:33:41,583
Hang on,
let me just get this mic on.
856
00:33:41,583 --> 00:33:44,000
I've definitely
pulled something.
857
00:33:46,375 --> 00:33:47,375
So...
858
00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:50,250
What was...
859
00:33:50,250 --> 00:33:51,708
- What was so urgent?
- I, er...
860
00:33:51,708 --> 00:33:53,875
- I've got news.
- Yeah?
861
00:33:54,500 --> 00:33:56,042
I'm, er...
862
00:33:56,458 --> 00:33:58,333
I, er... I got engaged.
863
00:34:00,250 --> 00:34:01,333
Wait, what?
864
00:34:01,333 --> 00:34:03,875
Yeah, I know. It's crazy,
right? But we've...
865
00:34:05,042 --> 00:34:06,708
been talking quite a lot.
866
00:34:07,875 --> 00:34:10,125
And been texting and FaceTime.
867
00:34:10,125 --> 00:34:12,042
And we keep talking.
868
00:34:13,792 --> 00:34:15,375
(KAZ GRUNTS)
869
00:34:15,375 --> 00:34:17,250
I really like her.
870
00:34:17,250 --> 00:34:20,250
And the wedding's not for
a whole 'nother month, so...
871
00:34:20,250 --> 00:34:22,292
- A month?
- Yeah, I know.
872
00:34:22,292 --> 00:34:24,625
My mum's already handed out
sweets to the whole street.
873
00:34:24,625 --> 00:34:26,333
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- It's love at first Skype.
874
00:34:26,333 --> 00:34:27,542
Well, obviously not, no.
875
00:34:27,542 --> 00:34:29,958
Love at first anything's
a mental health issue.
876
00:34:29,958 --> 00:34:31,708
So, um, how old is she again?
877
00:34:31,708 --> 00:34:33,917
Willmore, track! Willmore!
878
00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:38,625
- 22.
- ZOE: Leaving the party early.
879
00:34:38,625 --> 00:34:40,000
Not worried about the age gap?
880
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,833
I knew you were
gonna ask that.
881
00:34:41,833 --> 00:34:43,375
No, she's super smart.
882
00:34:43,375 --> 00:34:47,042
And you reckon that you have
enough in common?
883
00:34:47,042 --> 00:34:48,417
Well, we will have.
884
00:34:48,417 --> 00:34:49,542
She gets it.
885
00:34:49,542 --> 00:34:50,833
She understands
how it all works.
886
00:34:50,833 --> 00:34:51,917
You know, she wants to be
887
00:34:51,917 --> 00:34:52,917
- a human rights lawyer.
- Wow.
888
00:34:54,500 --> 00:34:55,583
Sorry.
889
00:34:55,583 --> 00:34:57,500
I'm just taking it all in. Um...
890
00:34:57,500 --> 00:35:00,125
So you really will be
marrying a stranger.
891
00:35:01,417 --> 00:35:03,292
I guess, in the end,
so is everyone else.
892
00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:05,667
Everyone turns out to be
someone else,
893
00:35:05,667 --> 00:35:07,125
or fucking someone else.
894
00:35:07,125 --> 00:35:08,708
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
895
00:35:08,708 --> 00:35:10,250
Can you turn the thing
on the...
896
00:35:10,250 --> 00:35:11,333
No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry.
897
00:35:11,333 --> 00:35:12,375
Zoe, off!
898
00:35:14,750 --> 00:35:16,000
What's up?
899
00:35:20,417 --> 00:35:21,958
(INHALES DEEPLY)
900
00:35:22,375 --> 00:35:23,875
Uh, sorry.
901
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,417
Oh, it's just been
a challenging week.
902
00:35:28,417 --> 00:35:30,167
What? Another date with
someone you already hate?
903
00:35:30,167 --> 00:35:31,167
(ZOE CHUCKLES)
904
00:35:33,042 --> 00:35:34,042
(SNIFFLES)
905
00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:38,667
What you need is a holiday.
906
00:35:38,667 --> 00:35:40,000
Yeah. (SIGHS)
907
00:35:41,458 --> 00:35:42,875
In Lahore.
908
00:35:45,958 --> 00:35:47,292
ZOE: Mmm.
909
00:35:49,125 --> 00:35:50,375
Oh, darling.
910
00:35:50,375 --> 00:35:52,875
Just in time for a quick bite
before we leave.
911
00:35:52,875 --> 00:35:55,167
Great. Oh, sorry. Eggs again?
912
00:35:55,167 --> 00:35:57,208
No, no, no. Omelettes.
913
00:35:57,958 --> 00:35:58,958
Come on.
914
00:35:58,958 --> 00:36:02,375
Ooh, now in there
is a little care package
915
00:36:02,375 --> 00:36:03,500
I've put together for us.
916
00:36:03,500 --> 00:36:06,250
Just the basics.
Imodium, HobNobs, rape alarm.
917
00:36:07,333 --> 00:36:09,000
Is Barney joining us?
918
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,083
Don't be silly.
Although, um...
919
00:36:11,083 --> 00:36:12,792
No, James is coming
to pick him up
920
00:36:12,792 --> 00:36:14,042
- and I thought that... Ooh!
- (DOORBELL BUZZES)
921
00:36:14,042 --> 00:36:16,167
There he is. I thought
he might like to join us
922
00:36:16,167 --> 00:36:18,958
for a little... Little lunch.
923
00:36:18,958 --> 00:36:20,208
- James!
- JAMES: Hi.
924
00:36:20,208 --> 00:36:21,875
CATH: My favourite
dog whisperer.
925
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:24,125
Oh, come in.
926
00:36:24,125 --> 00:36:26,250
Zoe. You remember James,
don't you?
927
00:36:26,250 --> 00:36:28,542
James delivered
your pop socks. Hi.
928
00:36:28,542 --> 00:36:30,375
Talking of which...
929
00:36:30,375 --> 00:36:33,083
- So, how have you been?
- Oh, you know, saving lives.
930
00:36:33,083 --> 00:36:34,375
A gerbil, a cat,
931
00:36:34,375 --> 00:36:37,708
octogenarian tortoise
who's making a slow recovery.
932
00:36:37,708 --> 00:36:39,542
(CATH LAUGHS)
933
00:36:39,542 --> 00:36:41,333
- Sorry.
- He's so funny.
934
00:36:41,333 --> 00:36:43,042
He's so... He's so funny.
935
00:36:43,042 --> 00:36:44,292
Why don't you just sit,
936
00:36:44,292 --> 00:36:46,833
and have a chat
while I cook the toast?
937
00:36:46,833 --> 00:36:48,708
So, you're off to
a fancy wedding
938
00:36:48,708 --> 00:36:50,875
- in Pakistan, I hear?
- Yeah.
939
00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:52,333
I've never missed
a Khan wedding,
940
00:36:52,333 --> 00:36:54,375
and I can't wait
to wear a burkini
941
00:36:54,375 --> 00:36:56,417
- on the subcontinent.
- Wow.
942
00:36:56,417 --> 00:36:59,458
Except for Lahore
is nowhere near the sea.
943
00:36:59,458 --> 00:37:01,125
Well, you never know
where we might end up.
944
00:37:01,125 --> 00:37:02,542
And when we come back,
945
00:37:02,542 --> 00:37:03,833
we should have dinner
with James.
946
00:37:03,833 --> 00:37:05,083
We'll get Helena
and Harry over.
947
00:37:05,083 --> 00:37:06,583
Helena is Zoe's
very good friend.
948
00:37:06,583 --> 00:37:08,458
She's married
to a lovely man called Harry.
949
00:37:08,458 --> 00:37:09,583
Who's been having an affair.
950
00:37:09,583 --> 00:37:11,167
- Harry?
- Yes.
951
00:37:11,167 --> 00:37:12,750
- No? I can't believe it.
- Yes!
952
00:37:12,750 --> 00:37:14,375
I'm pretty sure most
married men would cheat
953
00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:15,792
if they could get away
with it.
954
00:37:15,792 --> 00:37:16,875
James wouldn't.
955
00:37:18,208 --> 00:37:20,750
Even if you're sure
your wife would never know?
956
00:37:20,750 --> 00:37:22,042
No, of course not.
957
00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:25,042
Why not?
958
00:37:25,042 --> 00:37:26,417
Because I'd know.
959
00:37:29,458 --> 00:37:30,500
(CATH CLEARS THROAT)
960
00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:32,875
- (EXHALES)
- CATH: Bon appétit.
961
00:37:32,875 --> 00:37:33,958
JAMES: Mmm.
962
00:37:33,958 --> 00:37:35,375
- (DOORBELL BUZZES)
- Wait a minute, pet.
963
00:37:35,375 --> 00:37:36,708
Oh!
964
00:37:36,708 --> 00:37:38,125
So, erm...
965
00:37:39,292 --> 00:37:40,500
- Oh, hello, darling.
- Hello!
966
00:37:40,500 --> 00:37:42,167
You're early.
Why are you so early?
967
00:37:42,167 --> 00:37:43,333
Flight doesn't leave
for hours.
968
00:37:43,333 --> 00:37:44,458
I know. I know. We just need
969
00:37:44,458 --> 00:37:45,958
to allow extra time
for security.
970
00:37:45,958 --> 00:37:47,083
Why?
971
00:37:47,083 --> 00:37:49,125
So, I can be
randomly selected.
972
00:37:49,833 --> 00:37:51,333
Oh! Oh.
973
00:37:51,792 --> 00:37:52,875
Oh...
974
00:37:52,875 --> 00:37:54,833
Well, that's a shame.
975
00:37:54,833 --> 00:37:55,917
James was about to tell us
976
00:37:55,917 --> 00:37:57,042
something
977
00:37:57,042 --> 00:37:58,125
- absolutely hilarious.
- (ZOE LAUGHS)
978
00:37:58,125 --> 00:38:01,333
Look who's here.
He says we've got to go.
979
00:38:01,333 --> 00:38:04,042
Sorry, Mum, that your enormous
efforts have gone to waste.
980
00:38:04,042 --> 00:38:07,125
But, you know, we've got
a plane to catch, and...
981
00:38:07,125 --> 00:38:08,250
Kaz, the doctor...
982
00:38:08,250 --> 00:38:09,333
- Hi.
- Hi.
983
00:38:09,333 --> 00:38:10,458
...meet James the vet.
984
00:38:10,458 --> 00:38:12,917
I've heard all about you.
Good luck with the wedding.
985
00:38:12,917 --> 00:38:14,542
- Thank you.
- Oh. Barney. Barney.
986
00:38:14,542 --> 00:38:16,042
- Mummy go shopping.
- (WHINES)
987
00:38:16,042 --> 00:38:17,167
Mummy go shopping.
988
00:38:17,167 --> 00:38:18,833
Don't tell Barney that
I'm off to Lahore,
989
00:38:18,833 --> 00:38:19,917
because he'll get...
990
00:38:19,917 --> 00:38:22,958
Shopping. Shopping.
Stay. Shopping. Stay. Stay.
991
00:38:22,958 --> 00:38:24,250
JAMES: Let me help you
with the cases.
992
00:38:24,250 --> 00:38:25,417
KAZ: No, I'll get them.
993
00:38:25,417 --> 00:38:27,750
Well, I'm looking forward
to hearing how it all goes.
994
00:38:27,750 --> 00:38:29,375
- Yeah, you, too.
- Great. Well...
995
00:38:29,375 --> 00:38:31,000
- (STUTTERING) Oh...
- I mean, thanks.
996
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,708
- Great. Yeah.
- Bye. Bye.
997
00:38:33,458 --> 00:38:35,500
Oh, James.
998
00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:38,917
I am so sorry
that we've got to go. But...
999
00:38:38,917 --> 00:38:41,875
Well, I'll FaceTime you both
from Pakistan
1000
00:38:41,875 --> 00:38:44,042
or, or...
1001
00:38:44,958 --> 00:38:47,208
Cover my FaceTime. (LAUGHS)
1002
00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:49,708
You set me off.
1003
00:38:49,708 --> 00:38:52,250
Keep that, just in case
you might want to go shopping.
1004
00:38:52,250 --> 00:38:55,292
Bye. Darling, bye.
Eat the omelettes.
1005
00:38:55,292 --> 00:38:57,417
- Okay. Yeah.
- Bye. Bye.
1006
00:38:57,417 --> 00:38:58,500
CATH: Bye!
1007
00:39:01,792 --> 00:39:02,792
Barney.
1008
00:39:09,208 --> 00:39:12,792
And this is her in
the nativity play where...
1009
00:39:12,792 --> 00:39:14,458
You don't know
what that is,
1010
00:39:14,458 --> 00:39:16,000
but I'll explain later.
1011
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,458
Her when she was
a little baby.
1012
00:39:17,458 --> 00:39:18,875
She was only three months old.
1013
00:39:26,083 --> 00:39:27,042
(SIGHS)
1014
00:39:28,125 --> 00:39:29,625
Are you all right?
1015
00:39:31,542 --> 00:39:33,625
It's thought field therapy.
It's, er... (CLEARS THROAT)
1016
00:39:34,458 --> 00:39:35,792
...a technique.
1017
00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:39,792
I don't like flying.
1018
00:39:43,292 --> 00:39:45,125
Even the lingo's morbid.
It's what?
1019
00:39:45,125 --> 00:39:47,125
"Final destination".
"Departed".
1020
00:39:48,417 --> 00:39:50,542
Or "Terminal".
1021
00:39:52,167 --> 00:39:53,667
- FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Some nuts, sir?
- Thank you.
1022
00:39:53,667 --> 00:39:54,625
You're welcome.
1023
00:39:56,458 --> 00:39:58,750
Who was that guy
at your mum's house?
1024
00:39:58,750 --> 00:40:00,292
Mmm.
1025
00:40:01,333 --> 00:40:03,792
If I were Pakistani,
he'd be my arranged husband.
1026
00:40:05,333 --> 00:40:08,167
- Sounds ideal.
- Except that he's not my type.
1027
00:40:09,625 --> 00:40:11,458
- What is your type?
- (LAUGHING) Oh!
1028
00:40:13,042 --> 00:40:15,208
- But is that wrong?
- Yeah.
1029
00:40:15,208 --> 00:40:17,833
Uh, don't know. (CHUCKLES)
1030
00:40:22,083 --> 00:40:23,833
Can I ask you a question?
1031
00:40:26,667 --> 00:40:29,708
Would you cheat if you knew
you'd never get caught?
1032
00:40:29,708 --> 00:40:32,542
Be honest.
If your wife would never know.
1033
00:40:32,542 --> 00:40:33,583
No.
1034
00:40:34,542 --> 00:40:35,875
Why not?
1035
00:40:37,625 --> 00:40:38,667
Well, he'd know.
1036
00:40:38,667 --> 00:40:40,208
(RUMBLING)
1037
00:40:40,208 --> 00:40:41,583
Oh.
1038
00:40:42,208 --> 00:40:43,458
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1039
00:40:43,458 --> 00:40:45,667
- He's listening.
- (LAUGHS)
1040
00:40:45,667 --> 00:40:48,625
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1041
00:41:00,417 --> 00:41:02,250
Aren't they
desperately uncomfortable
1042
00:41:02,250 --> 00:41:03,417
covered up like that
in this heat
1043
00:41:03,417 --> 00:41:04,792
except for their eyes?
1044
00:41:04,792 --> 00:41:07,625
No, not as uncomfortable
as those poor women
1045
00:41:07,625 --> 00:41:10,083
who are uncovered
except for their eyes.
1046
00:41:10,083 --> 00:41:12,542
Like on Love Island.
You see, Cath,
1047
00:41:12,542 --> 00:41:14,375
our women are valued
for what's on the inside.
1048
00:41:14,375 --> 00:41:16,917
Which is why we don't have
plastic surgery
1049
00:41:16,917 --> 00:41:18,042
and anorexia,
1050
00:41:18,042 --> 00:41:19,833
and all these
Western diseases.
1051
00:41:19,833 --> 00:41:21,125
Well, I suppose a burka's
1052
00:41:21,125 --> 00:41:23,042
wonderfully forgiving,
isn't it?
1053
00:41:25,208 --> 00:41:26,625
A rupee for your thoughts?
1054
00:41:43,583 --> 00:41:46,500
Oh, it's even better
with my sunglasses off.
1055
00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:48,417
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
1056
00:41:49,042 --> 00:41:51,292
What a beautiful hall.
1057
00:41:54,250 --> 00:41:55,875
KAZ: I'm not trying
to upset you.
1058
00:41:55,875 --> 00:41:57,583
We can't go on like this.
1059
00:41:57,583 --> 00:42:00,500
You know this has caused me
the greatest pain in my life.
1060
00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:02,625
And that of
your grandmother, too.
1061
00:42:02,625 --> 00:42:05,708
Then, there's nothing
we can do about it.
1062
00:42:06,542 --> 00:42:07,542
Okay.
1063
00:42:11,875 --> 00:42:13,292
I'm so proud of you.
1064
00:42:14,250 --> 00:42:16,833
Let's not spoil
this happy occasion.
1065
00:42:16,833 --> 00:42:19,292
They met on their wedding day.
1066
00:42:19,292 --> 00:42:22,042
He came to her village
on a white horse
1067
00:42:22,042 --> 00:42:23,750
to take her away
from her home.
1068
00:42:24,417 --> 00:42:27,583
(IN URDU) In youth,
even a crow looks princely.
1069
00:42:28,208 --> 00:42:30,208
(IN ENGLISH)
Er, like a charming prince.
1070
00:42:30,208 --> 00:42:32,250
(IN URDU)
I was allergic to horses.
1071
00:42:32,625 --> 00:42:35,375
(IN ENGLISH)
And they rode off together.
1072
00:42:36,208 --> 00:42:38,333
ZOE: And did they
fall in love?
1073
00:42:38,333 --> 00:42:41,458
(IN URDU) Fall in love,
lose your peace.
1074
00:42:42,583 --> 00:42:45,083
(IN ENGLISH) You know,
we always say, it is, uh,
1075
00:42:46,208 --> 00:42:50,792
better to fall into like,
and walk into love.
1076
00:42:52,458 --> 00:42:53,667
(IN URDU)
It was a good match.
1077
00:42:55,583 --> 00:42:56,833
(IN ENGLISH)
It was a good match.
1078
00:42:56,833 --> 00:42:58,625
(REPEATS IN URDU)
1079
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:10,375
- Asalam o aleikum.
- Waleikum salam.
1080
00:43:10,375 --> 00:43:12,167
- Asalam o aleikum.
- Waleikum.
1081
00:43:13,083 --> 00:43:14,875
(WOMEN CHATTERING IN URDU)
1082
00:43:17,708 --> 00:43:19,708
(GREETING AND SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY)
1083
00:43:29,417 --> 00:43:30,500
(GREETING IN URDU)
1084
00:43:37,792 --> 00:43:39,833
- Asalam o aleikum.
- Waleikum salam.
1085
00:43:42,167 --> 00:43:45,458
(IN URDU)
What a beautiful girl!
1086
00:43:46,458 --> 00:43:48,542
(IN ENGLISH, CHUCKLES)
Thank you.
1087
00:43:49,208 --> 00:43:51,125
Pleased to meet you
in person, finally.
1088
00:43:52,083 --> 00:43:53,667
Thank you.
1089
00:43:59,333 --> 00:44:01,542
How are your studies going?
1090
00:44:01,542 --> 00:44:02,625
Good.
1091
00:44:03,667 --> 00:44:04,833
Good.
1092
00:44:04,833 --> 00:44:07,708
Um, I was thinking
we could maybe
1093
00:44:07,708 --> 00:44:10,083
do something together
this evening.
1094
00:44:18,375 --> 00:44:20,375
- (CRASHING OVER SPEAKERS)
- (MAN GRUNTING OVER SPEAKERS)
1095
00:44:26,542 --> 00:44:28,125
(PEOPLE SCREAMING
OVER SPEAKERS)
1096
00:44:31,125 --> 00:44:33,375
(CRASHING CONTINUES
OVER SPEAKERS)
1097
00:44:40,750 --> 00:44:43,208
We met on Skype.
1098
00:44:43,208 --> 00:44:44,917
Um...
1099
00:44:44,917 --> 00:44:46,417
I thought she was...
1100
00:44:47,167 --> 00:44:50,250
You know, attractive,
obviously. And intelligent.
1101
00:44:50,708 --> 00:44:52,542
Full of life.
1102
00:44:52,542 --> 00:44:53,625
(CHUCKLES)
1103
00:44:53,625 --> 00:44:56,000
I don't know
what you thought of me.
1104
00:44:56,750 --> 00:45:00,250
I thought he seemed
nice and reasonable.
1105
00:45:01,917 --> 00:45:03,583
ZOE: That's great. Um...
1106
00:45:04,708 --> 00:45:06,500
Can you tell me
1107
00:45:06,500 --> 00:45:08,542
how... How did you propose?
1108
00:45:09,083 --> 00:45:10,083
Um...
1109
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:13,292
Well, actually, my...
1110
00:45:14,333 --> 00:45:16,500
parents proposed
to her parents.
1111
00:45:19,333 --> 00:45:21,167
ZOE: It must have been
1112
00:45:21,583 --> 00:45:23,750
daunting for you, Maymouna,
1113
00:45:24,375 --> 00:45:26,708
deciding whether
to spend the rest of your life
1114
00:45:26,708 --> 00:45:28,708
with someone you hardly know.
1115
00:45:29,292 --> 00:45:30,292
MAYMOUNA: Mmm.
1116
00:45:31,667 --> 00:45:33,750
If my parents are comfortable
with their decision,
1117
00:45:33,750 --> 00:45:35,125
I'm okay with it.
1118
00:45:35,125 --> 00:45:36,917
And we talked a load
on the phone.
1119
00:45:36,917 --> 00:45:38,917
And then we got
to know each other.
1120
00:45:40,667 --> 00:45:43,417
ZOE: Can you sum up
how you both feel?
1121
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:46,000
Good.
1122
00:45:46,292 --> 00:45:48,458
Feels... Feels
like the timing's right.
1123
00:45:50,375 --> 00:45:51,542
And...
1124
00:45:53,250 --> 00:45:55,833
Can you see yourselves
falling in love?
1125
00:45:55,833 --> 00:45:56,917
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
1126
00:45:56,917 --> 00:45:58,625
Yes, inshallah.
1127
00:45:59,333 --> 00:46:01,167
Whatever "in love" means.
1128
00:46:04,167 --> 00:46:05,167
ZOE: Hmm.
1129
00:46:06,125 --> 00:46:08,125
(MUEZZIN CALLING TO PRAYER)
1130
00:46:22,792 --> 00:46:24,000
Did he remember you
from when you were a kid?
1131
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,333
- Yeah, that's family...
- Well?
1132
00:46:25,333 --> 00:46:27,750
- Hey, morning.
- Where are you going?
1133
00:46:27,750 --> 00:46:29,625
You haven't even
had breakfast.
1134
00:46:29,625 --> 00:46:31,000
I need to go to the tailor.
1135
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,083
Then I was gonna take Zoe
to Anarkali bazaar.
1136
00:46:33,083 --> 00:46:34,167
You're gonna love it.
1137
00:46:34,167 --> 00:46:35,667
It's a massive bazaar
1138
00:46:35,667 --> 00:46:37,500
named after
a beautiful dancing girl.
1139
00:46:37,500 --> 00:46:40,167
Who was buried alive
by Emperor Akbar
1140
00:46:40,167 --> 00:46:42,833
because she was an unsuitable
match for his son.
1141
00:46:44,125 --> 00:46:46,042
(BLOWS, WHISPERING)
Buried alive.
1142
00:46:46,042 --> 00:46:47,458
I'll see you later.
1143
00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:51,708
Yasmin. Take this
for Nani Jan.
1144
00:47:04,958 --> 00:47:07,000
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS)
1145
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,250
ZOE:
I can't believe you said...
1146
00:47:18,958 --> 00:47:20,875
"Whatever love means".
1147
00:47:20,875 --> 00:47:22,042
KAZ: Huh?
1148
00:47:22,042 --> 00:47:24,500
That's what Prince Charles
famously said
1149
00:47:24,500 --> 00:47:26,250
when he got engaged to Diana.
1150
00:47:26,958 --> 00:47:29,208
I thought
that sounded familiar.
1151
00:47:29,208 --> 00:47:30,917
They basically had
an arranged marriage.
1152
00:47:30,917 --> 00:47:32,333
Yeah.
1153
00:47:32,333 --> 00:47:33,833
That worked out really well.
1154
00:47:33,833 --> 00:47:37,000
Princess Diana wanted
to marry a Pakistani man.
1155
00:47:38,042 --> 00:47:40,708
- Doctor Hasnat Khan.
- Doctor Khan.
1156
00:47:41,625 --> 00:47:44,125
- Mother said no.
- What happened to him?
1157
00:47:44,125 --> 00:47:46,208
He had an arranged marriage.
1158
00:47:46,208 --> 00:47:48,000
Lived happily enough
ever after?
1159
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,583
Got divorced.
1160
00:47:50,917 --> 00:47:53,167
He'd become too much Western.
1161
00:47:56,417 --> 00:47:58,417
- (PEOPLE CHATTERING)
- (VEHICLE HORNS TOOTING)
1162
00:48:03,042 --> 00:48:04,708
ZOE: Okay, question.
1163
00:48:04,708 --> 00:48:07,333
What did you think of her?
In real life?
1164
00:48:08,667 --> 00:48:11,583
- She's great.
- Yeah, but, um,
1165
00:48:11,583 --> 00:48:13,083
did you fancy her?
1166
00:48:13,083 --> 00:48:16,167
Zoe, please. Do I have to say
that on camera? Come on.
1167
00:48:16,167 --> 00:48:17,958
- So annoying.
- Fine.
1168
00:48:17,958 --> 00:48:21,542
And are you nervous
about the mehndi tonight?
1169
00:48:21,542 --> 00:48:23,750
Actually, just tell me
what that is.
1170
00:48:23,750 --> 00:48:26,625
Well, in Pakistan,
we really like
1171
00:48:26,625 --> 00:48:28,542
to draw out
the wedding celebrations.
1172
00:48:28,542 --> 00:48:30,250
It's over three days.
1173
00:48:31,125 --> 00:48:32,292
Uh...
1174
00:48:32,292 --> 00:48:34,708
And first it's the mehndi,
which is tonight.
1175
00:48:34,708 --> 00:48:36,250
And, uh...
1176
00:48:36,250 --> 00:48:39,250
Kind of like a stag
and a hen rolled into one.
1177
00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:41,333
Except your grandparents are
there, which is lovely.
1178
00:48:41,333 --> 00:48:43,167
And the groom
isn't stripped naked
1179
00:48:43,167 --> 00:48:44,833
and tied to a lamppost.
1180
00:48:45,500 --> 00:48:47,000
And then the next day
is the nikah,
1181
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,667
that's the actual marriage.
1182
00:48:49,250 --> 00:48:51,667
And the shaadi.
Then, er, walima.
1183
00:48:52,375 --> 00:48:54,375
Where the main thing is
you have to look
1184
00:48:54,375 --> 00:48:56,583
like you haven't enjoyed
your first night together.
1185
00:48:58,792 --> 00:49:00,625
(CHUCKLES) What if
you haven't enjoyed
1186
00:49:00,625 --> 00:49:01,750
your first night together?
1187
00:49:02,417 --> 00:49:04,167
- No comment?
- No comment.
1188
00:49:04,792 --> 00:49:06,250
(CHUCKLING) Can we go in?
1189
00:49:06,250 --> 00:49:07,417
(GASPS)
1190
00:49:07,417 --> 00:49:10,208
My mum would love this.
Can I film in here?
1191
00:49:10,208 --> 00:49:11,458
(SHOPKEEPER ANSWERS IN URDU)
1192
00:49:12,458 --> 00:49:14,167
(KAZ AND SHOPKEEPER
GREETING IN URDU)
1193
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:18,333
Afghanistan.
(SPEAKS URDU)
1194
00:49:18,333 --> 00:49:19,958
(SHOPKEEPER
CONTINUES EXPLAINING IN URDU)
1195
00:49:19,958 --> 00:49:22,333
(IN ENGLISH) It's beautiful.
How much is it?
1196
00:49:22,333 --> 00:49:23,458
(SHOPKEEPER QUOTING A PRICE)
1197
00:49:23,458 --> 00:49:24,917
(IN ENGLISH) 15,000.
1198
00:49:28,042 --> 00:49:30,042
(KAZ AND SHOPKEEPER HAGGLING
IN URDU)
1199
00:49:32,167 --> 00:49:33,625
(IN ENGLISH) Give him 10,000.
1200
00:49:33,625 --> 00:49:35,000
Here.
1201
00:49:35,417 --> 00:49:36,667
Thank you.
1202
00:49:40,083 --> 00:49:41,417
Thanks, Kaz.
1203
00:49:43,708 --> 00:49:44,875
You know
1204
00:49:45,833 --> 00:49:46,792
all that stuff,
1205
00:49:48,625 --> 00:49:50,208
passion, and...
1206
00:49:50,458 --> 00:49:52,875
chemistry, whatever you want
to call it,
1207
00:49:55,500 --> 00:49:57,333
it's not
the most important thing.
1208
00:49:58,583 --> 00:50:00,333
Doesn't last, anyway.
1209
00:50:16,750 --> 00:50:18,000
ZOE: It's amazing.
1210
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,125
(CONVERSING IN URDU)
1211
00:50:20,125 --> 00:50:21,375
(IN ENGLISH)
He thinks you're my wife.
1212
00:50:21,375 --> 00:50:22,833
(SPEAKS URDU)
1213
00:50:23,833 --> 00:50:25,833
(IN ENGLISH) I'm saying
that you're just a friend.
1214
00:50:25,833 --> 00:50:27,667
Just friends.
1215
00:50:28,208 --> 00:50:30,083
I was your first kiss, too.
1216
00:50:33,208 --> 00:50:34,625
In the treehouse.
1217
00:50:35,208 --> 00:50:36,667
(ZOE CHUCKLES)
1218
00:50:38,167 --> 00:50:39,167
(ZOE THANKS IN URDU)
1219
00:50:40,292 --> 00:50:42,625
I just can't believe
you've forgotten.
1220
00:50:43,292 --> 00:50:44,333
(ZOE CHUCKLES)
1221
00:50:44,333 --> 00:50:46,125
(CONVERSING IN URDU)
1222
00:50:48,958 --> 00:50:50,458
Kaz.
1223
00:50:50,458 --> 00:50:51,833
Hmm?
1224
00:50:53,375 --> 00:50:55,750
(IN ENGLISH) What was that row
with your mum about?
1225
00:50:58,708 --> 00:50:59,708
It's...
1226
00:51:01,292 --> 00:51:04,292
Just about Jamila
coming to the wedding.
1227
00:51:04,583 --> 00:51:07,542
Why is what she did so bad?
1228
00:51:07,542 --> 00:51:08,750
A Muslim woman isn't supposed
1229
00:51:08,750 --> 00:51:10,875
to marry a non-Muslim guy.
It's haram, innit?
1230
00:51:10,875 --> 00:51:12,375
- I know.
- She ran off with this guy,
1231
00:51:12,375 --> 00:51:14,750
broke my grandfather's heart. Literally.
1232
00:51:15,375 --> 00:51:17,167
He died a week later.
1233
00:51:17,167 --> 00:51:19,208
You can't blame that on her.
1234
00:51:19,500 --> 00:51:20,792
Then she didn't even come
to the funeral.
1235
00:51:20,792 --> 00:51:21,917
Why not?
1236
00:51:21,917 --> 00:51:23,625
She wanted him...
1237
00:51:24,375 --> 00:51:26,708
David, to be welcome, too.
1238
00:51:26,708 --> 00:51:28,042
Can I film you saying
this stuff?
1239
00:51:28,042 --> 00:51:29,583
- No.
- Please, Kaz.
1240
00:51:29,583 --> 00:51:31,083
I can't just show
what you want me to show.
1241
00:51:31,083 --> 00:51:33,000
If it's not truthful,
it just won't have any value.
1242
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:34,292
Please.
1243
00:51:34,917 --> 00:51:37,625
- Okay. I'm sorry.
- You know they've had a baby?
1244
00:51:38,208 --> 00:51:41,625
My mum's first grandchild
who she's never even met.
1245
00:51:41,625 --> 00:51:44,333
All this unhappiness.
All she did was fall in love.
1246
00:51:44,333 --> 00:51:45,583
No, that's not
all she did, Zoe.
1247
00:51:45,583 --> 00:51:47,167
She chose love over family.
1248
00:51:47,167 --> 00:51:48,917
But isn't that the whole point
of marriage?
1249
00:51:48,917 --> 00:51:50,125
There are some things
1250
00:51:50,125 --> 00:51:51,333
I don't expect you
to understand.
1251
00:51:51,333 --> 00:51:52,500
Can you explain to me
1252
00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:54,000
how it's so different
even though we grew up
1253
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:55,042
on the same street?
1254
00:51:55,042 --> 00:51:56,250
- How are we different?
- Yes.
1255
00:51:56,250 --> 00:51:58,417
- Are you serious?
- Please.
1256
00:51:59,083 --> 00:52:00,833
(SCOFFS) Okay.
1257
00:52:02,042 --> 00:52:03,167
For a start, you don't
get asked every week
1258
00:52:03,167 --> 00:52:04,250
where you're from originally,
1259
00:52:04,250 --> 00:52:06,208
or how often you
go back to Pakistan.
1260
00:52:06,208 --> 00:52:07,708
You're British,
I'm British born,
1261
00:52:07,708 --> 00:52:09,958
which we all know is just code
for non-white.
1262
00:52:09,958 --> 00:52:11,250
Brit-ish, you know.
1263
00:52:13,333 --> 00:52:15,125
And you're not expected
to apologise profoundly
1264
00:52:15,125 --> 00:52:16,417
on behalf of all brown people
1265
00:52:16,417 --> 00:52:17,750
every time there's
a terror attack
1266
00:52:17,750 --> 00:52:18,833
anywhere in the world.
1267
00:52:21,167 --> 00:52:22,750
There was an entire continent
1268
00:52:22,750 --> 00:52:25,458
between number 49 and 47, Zoe.
1269
00:52:25,458 --> 00:52:28,042
Isn't that why
you're making the film?
1270
00:52:29,792 --> 00:52:31,792
(MUEZZIN CALLING TO PRAYER)
1271
00:52:35,792 --> 00:52:37,500
I have to pray. I'll be back.
1272
00:52:42,500 --> 00:52:44,500
(MUEZZIN CONTINUES CALLING)
1273
00:52:58,875 --> 00:53:00,292
(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
1274
00:53:26,542 --> 00:53:28,542
(UPBEAT DRUMMING)
1275
00:53:30,292 --> 00:53:32,292
(SHEHNAI PLAYING TUNE)
1276
00:54:06,375 --> 00:54:07,500
Thank you.
1277
00:54:08,125 --> 00:54:10,125
(IMPERCEPTIBLE)
1278
00:54:45,583 --> 00:54:46,583
Zoe.
1279
00:54:47,292 --> 00:54:48,292
Zoe.
1280
00:54:48,792 --> 00:54:50,458
You're in the bride's way.
1281
00:55:13,833 --> 00:55:15,958
You look very beautiful.
1282
00:55:17,792 --> 00:55:19,333
Thank you.
1283
00:55:21,042 --> 00:55:22,042
Hi.
1284
00:55:25,417 --> 00:55:26,708
- Hi.
- Hi.
1285
00:55:26,708 --> 00:55:28,125
(IN URDU)
Why are all the women here
1286
00:55:28,125 --> 00:55:29,625
dressed in easy access
garments?
1287
00:55:29,625 --> 00:55:32,000
(IN ENGLISH)
This is Pucci. Baby.
1288
00:55:34,083 --> 00:55:37,833
And that's Mousey,
Toffee and Binky.
1289
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,625
(IN URDU) Do they have
no shame?
1290
00:55:41,250 --> 00:55:42,583
I want to go home.
1291
00:55:42,583 --> 00:55:44,458
(IN ENGLISH) Nani Jan,
please don't leave.
1292
00:55:44,458 --> 00:55:45,792
Not yet. It's...
1293
00:55:45,792 --> 00:55:47,375
Let her leave.
1294
00:55:47,375 --> 00:55:49,875
When dinosaurs leave,
at least we all can relax.
1295
00:55:49,875 --> 00:55:51,917
(CROWD CHEERING)
1296
00:55:52,875 --> 00:55:54,875
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1297
00:56:22,875 --> 00:56:24,542
(IMPERCEPTIBLE)
1298
00:56:29,583 --> 00:56:31,875
(CROWD CHEERING)
1299
00:56:50,958 --> 00:56:52,625
(IN ENGLISH)
Sorry about this.
1300
00:56:52,625 --> 00:56:54,375
(AISHA SPEAKING IN URDU)
1301
00:56:54,375 --> 00:56:56,125
(IN ENGLISH)
Not too much smiling.
1302
00:57:00,458 --> 00:57:02,417
Now the party starts.
1303
00:57:02,417 --> 00:57:03,792
(OVER SPEAKERS)
♪ Pin up girl on that poster ♪
1304
00:57:03,792 --> 00:57:06,833
♪ Say so like I'm Doja
Icey ♪
1305
00:57:07,167 --> 00:57:09,875
♪ Wifey
Body shape Coca-Cola ♪
1306
00:57:09,875 --> 00:57:11,625
♪ I got a new man in my business ♪
1307
00:57:11,625 --> 00:57:13,500
♪ And he all about his business ♪
1308
00:57:13,500 --> 00:57:15,625
♪ And his name ain't
none of your business ♪
1309
00:57:15,625 --> 00:57:17,708
KAZ: Oi, don't get drunk, fellas.
1310
00:57:19,208 --> 00:57:22,292
♪ Oh, baby, let them know
'Cause they can run they mouth ♪
1311
00:57:22,292 --> 00:57:24,167
Ooh!
1312
00:57:24,500 --> 00:57:26,917
What... There's something
in that? What's in that?
1313
00:57:26,917 --> 00:57:28,292
It's Coke masala.
1314
00:57:28,292 --> 00:57:30,000
- Masala?
- It's really good.
1315
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,250
- It's so good.
- (CHUCKLES)
1316
00:57:32,250 --> 00:57:35,042
- Whisky.
- Oh, my God.
1317
00:57:35,042 --> 00:57:38,917
♪ Money long like beaches
Rolls Royce screeching ♪
1318
00:57:38,917 --> 00:57:40,750
♪ Rolex gleaming ♪
1319
00:57:40,750 --> 00:57:43,708
♪ Let them know
Oh, baby, let them know ♪
1320
00:57:43,708 --> 00:57:45,167
♪ 'Cause they can run they mouth ♪
1321
00:57:45,167 --> 00:57:47,333
- I'm gonna head over there.
- WOMAN: Congratulations.
1322
00:57:48,208 --> 00:57:49,875
WOMAN: Selfie, selfie.
1323
00:57:53,958 --> 00:57:55,625
Have you seen Maymouna?
1324
00:57:56,167 --> 00:57:58,500
- I think she was...
- There she is.
1325
00:57:59,833 --> 00:58:01,958
And she's a blonde.
1326
00:58:01,958 --> 00:58:03,833
Kaz! Come!
1327
00:58:09,583 --> 00:58:11,083
- ZOE: Ooh!
- (MAYMOUNA GRUNTS)
1328
00:58:11,083 --> 00:58:14,125
Kaz, you... You still haven't
met my friend.
1329
00:58:14,667 --> 00:58:15,708
- Taqi.
- Ah.
1330
00:58:15,708 --> 00:58:17,125
Lahore's hair king.
1331
00:58:17,125 --> 00:58:18,583
Er, queen, darling.
1332
00:58:18,583 --> 00:58:20,875
And don't the honeymoon
highlights look fabulous, huh?
1333
00:58:20,875 --> 00:58:22,167
- (MAYMOUNA CHUCKLES)
- Amazing.
1334
00:58:22,167 --> 00:58:23,208
- Mmm-hmm.
- Nice to meet you.
1335
00:58:24,375 --> 00:58:26,625
- Hi. How are you?
- High. How are you?
1336
00:58:28,167 --> 00:58:30,417
(CHUCKLES) He means,
"How high are you?"
1337
00:58:30,417 --> 00:58:31,958
(TAQI AND WOMEN GIGGLE)
1338
00:58:31,958 --> 00:58:34,917
Sorry. This is my friend, Zoe.
We're friends from London.
1339
00:58:34,917 --> 00:58:36,708
- Hi. You want a jay?
- Hey.
1340
00:58:36,708 --> 00:58:38,583
Oh, no. No, thanks.
1341
00:58:38,583 --> 00:58:39,917
WOMAN: Take one.
1342
00:58:39,917 --> 00:58:43,542
Taqi brings all the treats
to the party. Always.
1343
00:58:43,542 --> 00:58:45,167
Darling, I'm only
following the rules.
1344
00:58:45,167 --> 00:58:46,250
The Quran says,
1345
00:58:46,250 --> 00:58:47,458
if a man lies
with another man,
1346
00:58:47,458 --> 00:58:49,500
- he should be stoned.
- (LAUGHS)
1347
00:58:51,667 --> 00:58:53,458
Married tomorrow.
1348
00:58:53,458 --> 00:58:55,917
- Sin tonight?
- I'm good, thank you.
1349
00:58:55,917 --> 00:58:57,167
Oh, my God.
1350
00:58:57,167 --> 00:58:59,500
I hope I'm not gonna be
calling you chachoo.
1351
00:58:59,500 --> 00:59:00,708
(CHUCKLES)
1352
00:59:00,708 --> 00:59:03,292
- What's "chachoo"?
- It means "uncle".
1353
00:59:03,292 --> 00:59:06,042
I thought
that you'd all be more...
1354
00:59:06,042 --> 00:59:07,167
More modern,
1355
00:59:07,167 --> 00:59:09,333
living in London and all,
you know.
1356
00:59:09,333 --> 00:59:11,875
But I mean, hello?
1357
00:59:11,875 --> 00:59:13,583
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
1358
00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:15,583
Oh... (CHUCKLES)
1359
00:59:15,583 --> 00:59:16,708
Finally.
1360
00:59:18,708 --> 00:59:19,667
Hmm.
1361
00:59:22,750 --> 00:59:24,958
- (TAQI AND WOMEN LAUGHING)
- (COUGHS)
1362
00:59:24,958 --> 00:59:27,667
- (ZOE AND KAZ LAUGH)
- Let's... Let's dance.
1363
00:59:27,667 --> 00:59:29,542
- You coming?
- Uh, not right now.
1364
00:59:29,542 --> 00:59:31,583
- You guys go. Have fun.
- Aw...
1365
00:59:31,583 --> 00:59:33,375
(SPEAKS URDU)
1366
00:59:33,375 --> 00:59:35,000
I think I'm gonna just...
1367
00:59:35,625 --> 00:59:36,958
You want?
1368
00:59:36,958 --> 00:59:38,833
No, I'm gonna go and follow...
Nice to meet you guys, though.
1369
00:59:38,833 --> 00:59:40,083
Bye!
1370
00:59:40,083 --> 00:59:42,208
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS)
1371
00:59:51,875 --> 00:59:53,250
Whoo!
1372
00:59:57,625 --> 00:59:59,333
She likes a party.
1373
01:00:05,250 --> 01:00:06,292
Yeah.
1374
01:00:11,292 --> 01:00:14,208
Not exactly what my parents
had in mind.
1375
01:00:22,667 --> 01:00:23,792
KAZ: We should go.
1376
01:00:33,250 --> 01:00:35,583
(CROWD CHEERING)
1377
01:00:39,208 --> 01:00:40,917
ZOE: Are you okay?
1378
01:00:40,917 --> 01:00:42,542
KAZ: Just tired.
1379
01:00:43,417 --> 01:00:45,167
You're sure it's okay to
1380
01:00:45,625 --> 01:00:47,625
leave your own mehndi?
1381
01:00:47,625 --> 01:00:49,875
No-one's gonna notice,
trust me.
1382
01:00:51,292 --> 01:00:52,542
Chachoo.
1383
01:00:54,750 --> 01:00:56,750
(MAN SINGING FOLK SONG)
1384
01:00:57,042 --> 01:00:58,292
One second.
1385
01:01:04,208 --> 01:01:07,250
Oh, wow.
I wanna show you something.
1386
01:01:07,542 --> 01:01:09,625
- Come. Come.
- What?
1387
01:01:16,792 --> 01:01:18,667
(PEOPLE SINGING IN CHORUS)
1388
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:26,708
Sufi music.
1389
01:01:28,750 --> 01:01:31,333
No, Zoe. Just listen.
Just listen. He's...
1390
01:01:31,792 --> 01:01:33,542
He's singing to God.
1391
01:01:37,417 --> 01:01:39,000
Singing about a...
1392
01:01:40,625 --> 01:01:42,208
dangerous love.
1393
01:01:43,167 --> 01:01:44,500
Keeps him awake at night.
1394
01:01:44,500 --> 01:01:46,500
(CONTINUES SINGING FOLK SONG)
1395
01:02:02,083 --> 01:02:04,083
(VOCALISING)
1396
01:02:04,750 --> 01:02:06,167
You see?
1397
01:02:06,750 --> 01:02:08,333
He's going mad.
1398
01:02:09,792 --> 01:02:12,042
(SINGING PASSIONATELY)
1399
01:02:12,958 --> 01:02:13,958
I told you, Zoe.
1400
01:02:13,958 --> 01:02:15,958
Love is a dangerous
mental illness.
1401
01:02:34,167 --> 01:02:36,167
(CONTINUES SINGING
PASSIONATELY)
1402
01:03:18,708 --> 01:03:20,958
(EXHALES) What?
1403
01:03:23,625 --> 01:03:25,292
I didn't forget it.
1404
01:03:28,458 --> 01:03:30,167
The treehouse.
1405
01:03:47,375 --> 01:03:48,417
(KEYS JANGLE)
1406
01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:04,042
(PHONE SCREEN TAPPING)
1407
01:04:54,208 --> 01:04:55,500
If it wasn't for Islam,
1408
01:04:55,500 --> 01:04:57,167
there would have been
no Reformation.
1409
01:04:57,167 --> 01:04:58,625
- No Renaissance.
- Hi.
1410
01:04:58,625 --> 01:05:00,042
ZAHID: No toothbrushes.
1411
01:05:00,042 --> 01:05:01,125
Hi.
1412
01:05:02,417 --> 01:05:04,583
Hello, everyone.
That was a hoot, wasn't it?
1413
01:05:04,583 --> 01:05:06,333
- AISHA: Have something to eat?
- I'm fine.
1414
01:05:07,208 --> 01:05:08,333
Where did you all go?
1415
01:05:08,333 --> 01:05:10,792
I was perfecting my Hollywood,
1416
01:05:10,792 --> 01:05:13,125
Dollywood, Bollywood,
1417
01:05:13,125 --> 01:05:16,167
thingies, and I turned round,
you'd all disappeared.
1418
01:05:16,167 --> 01:05:18,167
What else did Muslims invent?
1419
01:05:18,167 --> 01:05:19,417
- SUMAIRA: Algorithms.
- Bicycles.
1420
01:05:19,417 --> 01:05:21,292
- Coffee. Algebra.
- Chickens?
1421
01:05:21,292 --> 01:05:23,708
- ZOE: No, that's...
- Chicken korma?
1422
01:05:24,667 --> 01:05:26,292
- The first flying machine.
- Yes.
1423
01:05:26,292 --> 01:05:27,750
- Yes, well done.
- That's right!
1424
01:05:27,750 --> 01:05:29,500
(ZAHID EXCLAIMS IN URDU)
1425
01:05:29,500 --> 01:05:31,792
CATH: (IN ENGLISH) I could do
without algorithms myself.
1426
01:05:32,125 --> 01:05:33,167
AISHA: (IN URDU) Thank God
1427
01:05:33,167 --> 01:05:35,708
(IN ENGLISH) the bride didn't
join the dancing last night.
1428
01:05:35,708 --> 01:05:37,958
Oh, well, no, you...
1429
01:05:39,500 --> 01:05:41,375
No, she didn't.
1430
01:05:42,375 --> 01:05:43,542
- You enjoyed yourself.
- (SOFTLY) Hi.
1431
01:05:43,542 --> 01:05:44,792
That's important.
1432
01:05:44,792 --> 01:05:47,042
Um, do you think we can talk?
1433
01:05:47,042 --> 01:05:50,208
5:00 p.m. sharp for the nikah,
everybody, okay?
1434
01:05:50,208 --> 01:05:53,542
- I'm not sure...
- No, on camera, I mean.
1435
01:05:55,417 --> 01:05:56,833
(ZOE CLEARING THROAT)
1436
01:05:59,750 --> 01:06:01,000
(CAMERA BEEPS)
1437
01:06:02,042 --> 01:06:04,625
You're getting married
in a few hours.
1438
01:06:05,375 --> 01:06:06,375
KAZ: Yeah.
1439
01:06:07,333 --> 01:06:08,458
How are you feeling?
1440
01:06:08,458 --> 01:06:10,583
Feeling fine.
1441
01:06:10,583 --> 01:06:13,208
No pre-wedding nerves, or...
1442
01:06:13,208 --> 01:06:14,500
No.
1443
01:06:20,500 --> 01:06:21,917
I'm all good.
1444
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:30,500
You're still fully signed up
to this?
1445
01:06:32,125 --> 01:06:33,125
Yes.
1446
01:06:39,125 --> 01:06:41,167
And this is what you want?
1447
01:06:42,583 --> 01:06:44,333
Yes, this is what I want.
1448
01:06:56,417 --> 01:06:58,167
Is that it, or...
1449
01:06:59,208 --> 01:07:00,792
Got everything you need?
1450
01:07:01,792 --> 01:07:03,333
Kaz, this is mad.
1451
01:07:04,375 --> 01:07:05,750
What's... What's mad?
1452
01:07:06,458 --> 01:07:09,208
(SOFTLY) I just, um...
1453
01:07:09,208 --> 01:07:11,792
I just... I feel
like everyone's pretending.
1454
01:07:11,792 --> 01:07:13,500
- Who's pretending?
- Er...
1455
01:07:13,500 --> 01:07:14,917
(SCOFFS) Everyone.
1456
01:07:15,833 --> 01:07:19,042
I mean, just you're pretending
Jamila doesn't exist.
1457
01:07:19,042 --> 01:07:21,708
Er, pretending Maymouna
doesn't dance.
1458
01:07:21,708 --> 01:07:24,917
Pretending no one has sex!
Kaz, you're 32 years old!
1459
01:07:24,917 --> 01:07:27,250
And your parents don't even
know you smoke.
1460
01:07:27,250 --> 01:07:29,833
Oh, my God. I told you before.
That's about respect, Zoe.
1461
01:07:29,833 --> 01:07:32,167
This is not a veil
on your sins.
1462
01:07:32,167 --> 01:07:36,375
This is a bloody great burka
shrouding your whole identity.
1463
01:07:38,417 --> 01:07:39,750
What do you want?
1464
01:07:39,750 --> 01:07:42,417
I don't want you to marry
someone you don't love.
1465
01:07:44,042 --> 01:07:45,792
Life's too short.
1466
01:07:46,375 --> 01:07:48,667
And too long
to marry the wrong person.
1467
01:07:49,375 --> 01:07:50,833
What do you want for you?
1468
01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:52,125
Well, this isn't about me.
1469
01:07:52,125 --> 01:07:53,792
Don't worry about me.
I'm fine.
1470
01:07:53,792 --> 01:07:55,375
You keep questioning
my decisions.
1471
01:07:55,375 --> 01:07:56,625
Maybe you should focus
on your own choices.
1472
01:07:56,625 --> 01:07:57,958
What is that supposed to mean?
1473
01:07:57,958 --> 01:07:59,250
Maybe the reason
you haven't got anyone
1474
01:07:59,250 --> 01:08:01,167
to watch a TV series with
1475
01:08:01,167 --> 01:08:02,250
is that you actively
1476
01:08:02,250 --> 01:08:03,500
search out anyone
who is wrong.
1477
01:08:03,500 --> 01:08:05,542
Oh, my God. This is bullshit.
1478
01:08:05,542 --> 01:08:06,833
No, it's not bullshit.
1479
01:08:06,833 --> 01:08:08,625
A man could be wearing
a literal red flag,
1480
01:08:08,625 --> 01:08:10,833
and you'd think it was
a sexy colour on him.
1481
01:08:11,083 --> 01:08:13,333
If the first person you date
is a dick, you're unlucky.
1482
01:08:13,333 --> 01:08:16,082
If the next ten people
you date are dicks,
1483
01:08:16,082 --> 01:08:17,167
then maybe you need
1484
01:08:17,167 --> 01:08:18,667
to take a long look
at yourself in the mirror,
1485
01:08:18,667 --> 01:08:20,332
and ask yourself why.
1486
01:08:25,457 --> 01:08:26,750
Have you got any more
1487
01:08:26,750 --> 01:08:29,292
profound psychological
insights?
1488
01:08:29,292 --> 01:08:30,542
I have a question.
1489
01:08:32,457 --> 01:08:34,792
Does it hurt less
when you aim low and miss?
1490
01:08:41,542 --> 01:08:42,875
Huh.
1491
01:08:43,542 --> 01:08:44,542
(SIGHS)
1492
01:08:56,207 --> 01:08:57,207
(SCOFFS)
1493
01:09:06,082 --> 01:09:07,082
(SIGHS)
1494
01:09:09,917 --> 01:09:12,000
NANI JAN: (IN URDU)
Be careful.
1495
01:09:14,542 --> 01:09:15,707
(IN URDU) I didn't see you,
Nani Jan.
1496
01:09:15,707 --> 01:09:17,375
But you heard me.
1497
01:09:20,957 --> 01:09:24,000
Don't break our hearts again.
1498
01:09:44,957 --> 01:09:46,082
(IMPERCEPTIBLE)
1499
01:09:48,167 --> 01:09:49,292
(IN ENGLISH) Agreed.
1500
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:15,250
All Pakistani brides
always cry
1501
01:11:15,250 --> 01:11:16,875
as they leave their family.
1502
01:11:16,875 --> 01:11:17,917
It's a tradition.
1503
01:11:19,500 --> 01:11:21,375
(WHISPERING)
Isn't it gorgeous?
1504
01:11:35,750 --> 01:11:37,833
MAUD: Can we have
Beauty And The Beast?
1505
01:11:37,833 --> 01:11:39,458
LILY: Yes, please.
1506
01:11:39,458 --> 01:11:42,125
Yeah, of course you can.
1507
01:11:42,125 --> 01:11:43,208
Come on, then.
1508
01:11:43,208 --> 01:11:44,500
- Coming.
- (LAUGHS)
1509
01:11:46,208 --> 01:11:48,750
(SIGHS) Beauty And The Beast.
1510
01:11:50,125 --> 01:11:52,250
Well, Beast had his faults.
1511
01:11:52,917 --> 01:11:55,125
But persistence pays off.
1512
01:11:55,125 --> 01:11:58,167
He didn't actually lock Beauty
in his cellar.
1513
01:11:58,500 --> 01:11:59,958
That's just
what a relationship
1514
01:11:59,958 --> 01:12:01,750
felt like to Beauty.
1515
01:12:01,750 --> 01:12:02,958
Over time,
1516
01:12:02,958 --> 01:12:05,375
Beauty grew to enjoy
Beast's company.
1517
01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:07,042
You know,
1518
01:12:07,042 --> 01:12:08,750
he was dependable
and available,
1519
01:12:09,167 --> 01:12:11,833
and there's a lot to be said
for those qualities.
1520
01:12:12,500 --> 01:12:15,333
Was the Beast
her dream hunk? No.
1521
01:12:15,333 --> 01:12:18,333
Did he sweep her
off her feet? No.
1522
01:12:18,333 --> 01:12:21,458
Did he take her breath away?
Perhaps not.
1523
01:12:21,458 --> 01:12:22,833
But Beauty had learnt
1524
01:12:22,833 --> 01:12:25,083
that it's better
to simmer, then boil.
1525
01:12:25,083 --> 01:12:28,458
Do you not have to be a vegan
to do your job?
1526
01:12:28,458 --> 01:12:29,792
To be a vet.
1527
01:12:29,792 --> 01:12:30,958
No, actually, normally,
1528
01:12:30,958 --> 01:12:32,083
I'm only allowed to eat
1529
01:12:32,083 --> 01:12:33,458
the animals I put down.
1530
01:12:33,458 --> 01:12:34,375
- I'm kidding.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
1531
01:12:34,375 --> 01:12:35,708
I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.
1532
01:12:35,708 --> 01:12:36,917
JAMES: I'm...
1533
01:12:36,917 --> 01:12:38,083
- (LAUGHS)
- (MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
1534
01:12:39,708 --> 01:12:42,125
That's so close
to the bone. (LAUGHS)
1535
01:12:50,500 --> 01:12:52,625
HELENA: Right,
does anyone want anymore?
1536
01:12:52,625 --> 01:12:55,125
ZOE: What the Beast was, kids,
1537
01:12:55,125 --> 01:12:57,500
was good enough. (SCOFFS)
1538
01:12:58,042 --> 01:12:59,875
And sometimes,
1539
01:13:00,667 --> 01:13:04,167
good enough is good enough.
1540
01:13:04,625 --> 01:13:07,542
And she was in love
with the Beast.
1541
01:13:07,542 --> 01:13:10,042
She was in like with him.
1542
01:13:10,042 --> 01:13:11,667
What do you mean, "in like"?
1543
01:13:11,667 --> 01:13:14,667
In like with him,
which is way more important.
1544
01:13:16,208 --> 01:13:18,542
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1545
01:13:21,458 --> 01:13:22,958
- Zoe.
- Great crowd.
1546
01:13:22,958 --> 01:13:24,250
OLLY: Mmm.
ZOE: Yeah.
1547
01:13:24,250 --> 01:13:25,958
- Diverse.
- SAM: Tick.
1548
01:13:26,625 --> 01:13:28,833
- Ooh. Grey pound.
- Tick.
1549
01:13:28,833 --> 01:13:30,333
This is my mum, actually.
1550
01:13:30,333 --> 01:13:33,292
Mum, this is Olly and Sam
who commissioned the film.
1551
01:13:33,292 --> 01:13:36,125
Oh, important. (LAUGHS)
1552
01:13:36,125 --> 01:13:38,333
So nice to meet you.
Am I in it?
1553
01:13:38,333 --> 01:13:39,583
Oh, you'll have
to wait and see.
1554
01:13:39,583 --> 01:13:41,750
- (LAUGHS)
- ZOE: Yeah.
1555
01:13:41,750 --> 01:13:42,958
Oh, that's James.
1556
01:13:42,958 --> 01:13:44,458
This is Zoe's boyfriend. Saintly.
1557
01:13:44,458 --> 01:13:45,875
And he's a top vet.
1558
01:13:45,875 --> 01:13:46,958
Aren't you?
1559
01:13:46,958 --> 01:13:48,042
Oh, well,
don't know about that.
1560
01:13:48,042 --> 01:13:49,708
Britain's Top Vet?
1561
01:13:49,708 --> 01:13:51,167
Here we go. Here they come.
1562
01:13:51,167 --> 01:13:52,500
Leading vets compete
1563
01:13:52,500 --> 01:13:53,625
in a range
of medical challenges.
1564
01:13:53,625 --> 01:13:54,792
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- James, yes.
1565
01:13:54,792 --> 01:13:56,833
- Okay, yeah.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1566
01:13:57,833 --> 01:13:58,875
Hi.
1567
01:13:59,583 --> 01:14:00,958
Hi.
1568
01:14:01,667 --> 01:14:02,625
How are you?
1569
01:14:04,667 --> 01:14:05,667
Good.
1570
01:14:06,375 --> 01:14:08,250
How... How's married life?
1571
01:14:08,250 --> 01:14:10,500
I'm getting settled. It's...
1572
01:14:11,125 --> 01:14:12,167
Mmm-hmm.
1573
01:14:13,375 --> 01:14:16,208
- I heard you met someone.
- Kind of. Um...
1574
01:14:17,542 --> 01:14:20,958
My mum did.
I followed your example.
1575
01:14:20,958 --> 01:14:22,625
- So, yeah. Not a dick.
- (KAZ CHUCKLES)
1576
01:14:23,958 --> 01:14:25,375
Result.
1577
01:14:27,833 --> 01:14:28,958
Are you happy?
1578
01:14:29,625 --> 01:14:30,625
Mmm-hmm.
1579
01:14:32,000 --> 01:14:33,208
And you?
1580
01:14:33,208 --> 01:14:35,333
Yeah. I'm getting there.
1581
01:14:36,917 --> 01:14:38,500
Good. (CHUCKLES)
1582
01:14:40,417 --> 01:14:42,292
- Hi.
- Hi, Maymouna.
1583
01:14:42,292 --> 01:14:45,000
Hi. How are you doing?
How are you enjoying London?
1584
01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:46,708
London is good.
1585
01:14:46,708 --> 01:14:48,708
She's missing home.
1586
01:14:48,708 --> 01:14:51,625
- Which is only natural.
- Of course. (CHUCKLES)
1587
01:14:51,625 --> 01:14:53,333
But, hey, listen. Um...
1588
01:14:53,792 --> 01:14:55,375
About the film.
1589
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:58,250
I just... I wanted to
warn you. It's a rough cut,
1590
01:14:58,250 --> 01:14:59,750
so, it's just...
There's still...
1591
01:14:59,750 --> 01:15:03,083
Okay, everyone.
We are ready to kick off.
1592
01:15:03,083 --> 01:15:04,833
- So, Zoe, okay?
- (ZOE EXHALES SHARPLY)
1593
01:15:05,792 --> 01:15:07,667
ZOE: (SOFTLY) Shall we?
1594
01:15:07,667 --> 01:15:09,750
- Good luck.
- Yeah. Thanks. You, too.
1595
01:15:09,750 --> 01:15:11,792
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1596
01:15:17,458 --> 01:15:19,583
Hello. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
1597
01:15:19,583 --> 01:15:21,542
Hi, everyone. Um...
1598
01:15:22,458 --> 01:15:25,583
Wow, thank you so much
for coming. Thank you.
1599
01:15:25,583 --> 01:15:27,167
I just wanted
to say a few words
1600
01:15:27,167 --> 01:15:28,833
about my own journey
1601
01:15:28,833 --> 01:15:30,042
making this film.
1602
01:15:30,667 --> 01:15:33,833
So, I used to think
that arranged marriages
1603
01:15:33,833 --> 01:15:37,542
were this mad, out-dated idea.
1604
01:15:38,208 --> 01:15:41,292
And, when my friend and
neighbour, Farooq, had one,
1605
01:15:41,292 --> 01:15:43,333
I couldn't believe
he could ever be happy.
1606
01:15:44,625 --> 01:15:47,750
(CHUCKLES) But I was wrong.
1607
01:15:47,750 --> 01:15:50,875
I was wrong.
Um, and now I wonder
1608
01:15:50,875 --> 01:15:54,375
as someone with a slightly
chequered romantic history...
1609
01:15:54,375 --> 01:15:55,917
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Oh, no heckling, please.
1610
01:15:55,917 --> 01:15:57,042
Thanks, Mum.
1611
01:15:57,042 --> 01:16:00,583
Now I wonder whether there
is something to be learned
1612
01:16:00,583 --> 01:16:03,917
from a social system which
offers the opportunity to meet
1613
01:16:03,917 --> 01:16:06,208
available, like-minded,
1614
01:16:06,792 --> 01:16:09,625
non-commitment phobic men, um,
1615
01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:12,625
chosen by the person
who knows you best.
1616
01:16:13,250 --> 01:16:15,167
Me. Like me.
1617
01:16:16,250 --> 01:16:19,875
And also, you know,
maybe between the two extremes
1618
01:16:19,875 --> 01:16:21,500
of no choice
in forced marriages,
1619
01:16:21,500 --> 01:16:24,583
and just too much choice
on dating apps...
1620
01:16:25,000 --> 01:16:27,125
I'm always on dating apps.
1621
01:16:27,125 --> 01:16:28,333
You know,
1622
01:16:28,333 --> 01:16:30,583
maybe somewhere between
passion and pragmatism,
1623
01:16:30,958 --> 01:16:33,833
maybe there's a path
to happy ever after.
1624
01:16:33,833 --> 01:16:34,958
- MAN: Inshallah, inshallah.
- (SPEAKS URDU)
1625
01:16:34,958 --> 01:16:36,250
ZOE: Inshallah.
1626
01:16:36,250 --> 01:16:37,750
Um, okay,
I'm gonna stop waffling now.
1627
01:16:37,750 --> 01:16:39,583
I'm talking way too much.
1628
01:16:39,583 --> 01:16:42,333
But I do want to say
just the biggest thank you
1629
01:16:42,333 --> 01:16:43,750
to Kaz and Maymouna.
1630
01:16:43,750 --> 01:16:45,625
Thank you so, so much
1631
01:16:45,625 --> 01:16:47,208
- for allowing me to film...
- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
1632
01:16:47,208 --> 01:16:50,208
...you walking into love.
1633
01:17:03,958 --> 01:17:05,458
(AISHA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER RECORDING)
1634
01:17:05,458 --> 01:17:06,625
(BREATHING SHAKILY, SIGHS)
1635
01:17:08,208 --> 01:17:09,542
(CLEARS THROAT)
1636
01:17:09,542 --> 01:17:11,917
- Er, hi. (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
- Hi.
1637
01:17:11,917 --> 01:17:14,708
- All right. Can I just take?
- Yeah, of course.
1638
01:17:14,708 --> 01:17:15,833
Cheers.
1639
01:17:15,833 --> 01:17:17,833
(AISHA CONTINUES
SPEAKING OVER RECORDING)
1640
01:17:24,625 --> 01:17:27,667
Is it that different from
using filters on your Tinder?
1641
01:17:27,667 --> 01:17:29,167
It's not really lying, is it?
1642
01:17:29,167 --> 01:17:30,208
It's...
1643
01:17:30,667 --> 01:17:31,917
We're just told to put
1644
01:17:31,917 --> 01:17:33,208
- a veil on our sins.
- ZOE: Ooh.
1645
01:17:33,208 --> 01:17:36,458
IMAM: Nikah is a sacred
marriage contract.
1646
01:17:36,458 --> 01:17:38,083
According to Islam,
1647
01:17:38,083 --> 01:17:40,708
bride and groom must both
1648
01:17:40,708 --> 01:17:43,083
define their own terms
and conditions.
1649
01:17:43,083 --> 01:17:47,708
Power of divorce is available
to both partners equally.
1650
01:17:47,708 --> 01:17:50,583
Mahr is a token commitment
1651
01:17:50,583 --> 01:17:52,333
of the husband's
responsibility.
1652
01:17:56,250 --> 01:17:57,292
JAMES: Hi.
1653
01:17:57,292 --> 01:17:59,125
Oh, hi.
1654
01:17:59,125 --> 01:18:01,167
(ZOE SIGHS)
1655
01:18:01,875 --> 01:18:04,000
- How's it going down?
- Yeah, good.
1656
01:18:04,000 --> 01:18:06,958
(WHIMPERING)
I don't dare go back in.
1657
01:18:06,958 --> 01:18:08,042
- What?
- Huh?
1658
01:18:08,042 --> 01:18:09,542
You're super talented.
1659
01:18:09,542 --> 01:18:10,625
Oh.
1660
01:18:12,792 --> 01:18:13,833
Ugh!
1661
01:18:13,833 --> 01:18:15,250
- Zoe.
- Mmm?
1662
01:18:16,250 --> 01:18:17,708
Can we talk?
1663
01:18:19,500 --> 01:18:21,042
(STUTTERS)
1664
01:18:21,042 --> 01:18:23,750
Nothing good's ever come
after those three words, but...
1665
01:18:23,750 --> 01:18:24,792
Look...
1666
01:18:26,333 --> 01:18:27,250
You're the dream.
1667
01:18:27,875 --> 01:18:29,500
If I ever thought I'd end up
with someone like you,
1668
01:18:29,500 --> 01:18:31,375
I never would have
been a tortured teenager.
1669
01:18:31,375 --> 01:18:32,417
Ooh.
1670
01:18:32,417 --> 01:18:33,500
(INHALES SHARPLY)
1671
01:18:33,958 --> 01:18:36,750
You're either proposing to me
or breaking up with me.
1672
01:18:36,750 --> 01:18:38,167
I can't figure out which.
1673
01:18:44,542 --> 01:18:46,250
Oh, shit.
1674
01:18:47,875 --> 01:18:49,208
(SCOFFS)
1675
01:18:49,208 --> 01:18:50,667
I just don't want...
1676
01:18:51,375 --> 01:18:52,500
(SIGHS)
1677
01:18:55,042 --> 01:18:57,125
I just can't be your plan B.
1678
01:19:00,458 --> 01:19:01,958
- I want more than that.
- Don't...
1679
01:19:01,958 --> 01:19:04,250
What are you doing?
This is fine.
1680
01:19:04,250 --> 01:19:05,625
All right? This is going fine.
1681
01:19:05,625 --> 01:19:08,875
Yeah, but I don't want fine.
1682
01:19:08,875 --> 01:19:10,000
Why?
1683
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:12,125
Everyone likes fine!
1684
01:19:12,125 --> 01:19:14,750
Zoe, you don't
want fine either.
1685
01:19:22,333 --> 01:19:24,625
How do you know what I want?
1686
01:19:36,167 --> 01:19:37,250
(STUTTERS)
1687
01:19:37,250 --> 01:19:40,500
- What am I gonna tell my mum?
- Oh, um...
1688
01:19:41,583 --> 01:19:44,583
Tell her
that I will probably end up
1689
01:19:44,583 --> 01:19:46,750
being your sensible
second husband.
1690
01:19:51,875 --> 01:19:53,875
Well, I mean, either that
or I'll marry the dog.
1691
01:19:53,875 --> 01:19:55,208
(LAUGHS HOARSELY)
1692
01:20:09,625 --> 01:20:11,375
JAMILA: It was devastating.
1693
01:20:13,542 --> 01:20:15,500
I think the worst moment
for me was
1694
01:20:15,500 --> 01:20:18,042
when we had
our beautiful little girl,
1695
01:20:19,125 --> 01:20:23,042
and I realised that she would
never know her grandparents.
1696
01:20:23,708 --> 01:20:26,542
I had such a special
relationship with mine.
1697
01:20:27,750 --> 01:20:30,125
But I always knew that
1698
01:20:30,125 --> 01:20:33,167
that would be the price
we'd pay to be together.
1699
01:20:33,917 --> 01:20:37,708
I, um... I did read the Quran
before we got married
1700
01:20:37,708 --> 01:20:40,083
just to try and understand it
a bit.
1701
01:20:40,917 --> 01:20:42,750
It says, "A husband and wife
1702
01:20:42,750 --> 01:20:45,125
"should be like garments
to each other.
1703
01:20:45,125 --> 01:20:47,417
"To protect and keep
each other warm".
1704
01:20:48,083 --> 01:20:50,083
We used that
in our wedding vows.
1705
01:20:51,083 --> 01:20:53,083
ZOE: Do you have any regrets?
1706
01:20:53,458 --> 01:20:56,792
I regret that I caused
my family so much pain.
1707
01:20:57,625 --> 01:21:00,292
Especially my nani jan,
my grandmother.
1708
01:21:02,042 --> 01:21:04,458
I can never forget her face
when I left.
1709
01:21:06,500 --> 01:21:08,667
(SIGHING) But, I...
1710
01:21:08,667 --> 01:21:10,500
I don't believe that
1711
01:21:10,500 --> 01:21:13,208
we choose who we fall
in love with. It's...
1712
01:21:13,208 --> 01:21:16,792
It's too overwhelming
to be in our control.
1713
01:21:18,292 --> 01:21:21,875
But even if it had been
a choice and not my kismet,
1714
01:21:22,500 --> 01:21:24,375
I'd still have chosen him.
1715
01:21:30,042 --> 01:21:32,042
- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
- (BLOWS SHARPLY)
1716
01:21:36,583 --> 01:21:38,000
ZOE: (SOFTLY) Hey.
1717
01:21:38,750 --> 01:21:40,667
What were you thinking, Zoe?
1718
01:21:41,167 --> 01:21:42,500
I trusted you.
1719
01:21:43,167 --> 01:21:45,083
I was just doing my job.
1720
01:21:45,083 --> 01:21:46,667
Your job isn't
to humiliate my family
1721
01:21:46,667 --> 01:21:48,625
by broadcasting our issues
to the world.
1722
01:21:48,625 --> 01:21:51,292
I had to include Jamila.
Come on.
1723
01:21:51,292 --> 01:21:53,792
Please, why is that
so humiliating?
1724
01:21:55,292 --> 01:21:56,625
(ZOE BREATHING HEAVILY)
1725
01:21:57,333 --> 01:21:59,167
Number 47...
1726
01:21:59,167 --> 01:22:00,875
number 49.
1727
01:22:00,875 --> 01:22:02,667
Different continents.
1728
01:22:07,208 --> 01:22:09,208
(BREATH TREMBLING)
1729
01:22:09,542 --> 01:22:11,333
It was beautiful.
1730
01:22:11,333 --> 01:22:13,292
- (ZOE SOBS)
- Maymouna.
1731
01:22:16,042 --> 01:22:17,333
Thank you.
1732
01:22:17,333 --> 01:22:19,333
(PEOPLE CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY)
1733
01:22:45,875 --> 01:22:47,458
Zoe, that was a bit cruel.
1734
01:22:47,458 --> 01:22:49,083
You could have told me
that outfit made me look
1735
01:22:49,083 --> 01:22:50,375
like a pile of dirty washing.
1736
01:22:50,375 --> 01:22:53,542
- Oh! Mum, not now!
- Where's... Where's James?
1737
01:22:53,542 --> 01:22:56,042
He just dumped me. So...
1738
01:22:56,042 --> 01:22:59,042
Oh, Zoe,
what have you done now?
1739
01:22:59,042 --> 01:23:02,375
Oh, no! I thought
he was finally the solution.
1740
01:23:02,375 --> 01:23:04,875
Oh! You sound like Hitler!
1741
01:23:05,750 --> 01:23:06,750
Zoe...
1742
01:23:07,042 --> 01:23:10,250
Come on, he's the best one
you've ever picked.
1743
01:23:10,250 --> 01:23:12,292
I didn't pick him. You did.
1744
01:23:21,125 --> 01:23:23,417
I'm worried
you're gonna end up alone.
1745
01:23:25,292 --> 01:23:28,000
You're alone. You seem fine.
1746
01:23:29,833 --> 01:23:31,958
- That's different...
- Am I
1747
01:23:31,958 --> 01:23:34,375
just half a person
when I'm not with a man?
1748
01:23:34,375 --> 01:23:35,667
Is that what you think?
1749
01:23:35,667 --> 01:23:37,667
Am I just not enough for you
as I am?
1750
01:23:39,208 --> 01:23:42,625
Oh, darling, that's not fair.
That's not fair!
1751
01:23:42,625 --> 01:23:44,042
- I can't do this.
- I didn't...
1752
01:23:46,625 --> 01:23:47,583
Zoe.
1753
01:24:13,875 --> 01:24:15,875
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1754
01:24:27,375 --> 01:24:28,375
(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
1755
01:24:33,667 --> 01:24:34,708
(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
1756
01:24:38,958 --> 01:24:40,958
Do you need to get that?
1757
01:25:12,958 --> 01:25:14,292
Why didn't you tell me?
1758
01:25:27,958 --> 01:25:28,958
(KAZ SIGHS)
1759
01:25:33,042 --> 01:25:34,667
So, what do we do now?
1760
01:25:37,458 --> 01:25:38,542
Pretend.
1761
01:25:39,708 --> 01:25:41,292
Like everyone else.
1762
01:25:43,708 --> 01:25:44,708
(SCOFFS)
1763
01:25:50,458 --> 01:25:51,542
"Pretend".
1764
01:26:01,083 --> 01:26:02,125
(LAUGHS)
1765
01:26:05,375 --> 01:26:06,958
ZOE: Sleeping Beauty
1766
01:26:08,292 --> 01:26:09,792
tried to
1767
01:26:10,667 --> 01:26:13,042
fake it to make it.
1768
01:26:13,042 --> 01:26:14,708
(GIGGLING)
1769
01:26:25,708 --> 01:26:27,542
She was just sad.
1770
01:26:29,750 --> 01:26:32,083
And so she went to sleep
1771
01:26:33,708 --> 01:26:36,042
for 100 years.
1772
01:26:41,125 --> 01:26:43,292
Snow White was also sad.
1773
01:26:44,583 --> 01:26:47,292
She ate a poisoned apple
on purpose
1774
01:26:48,958 --> 01:26:50,833
because she was depressed.
1775
01:26:52,167 --> 01:26:53,917
Which literally means
1776
01:26:55,750 --> 01:26:57,417
"deep rest".
1777
01:26:59,583 --> 01:27:00,583
And...
1778
01:27:01,458 --> 01:27:04,125
No-one lived
happily ever after
1779
01:27:07,125 --> 01:27:09,333
because that never happens
in real life.
1780
01:27:11,125 --> 01:27:13,792
- Only in fairy tales.
- (MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
1781
01:27:19,125 --> 01:27:20,167
(MOBILE PHONE THUDS SOFTLY)
1782
01:27:20,167 --> 01:27:21,250
DOCTOR: So, yeah,
1783
01:27:21,250 --> 01:27:22,250
if we look
at the section here...
1784
01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:34,500
What are you doing here?
All good?
1785
01:27:34,500 --> 01:27:37,750
I keep calling and calling,
you never answer my phone.
1786
01:27:38,833 --> 01:27:40,292
(SPEAKING IN URDU)
1787
01:27:41,000 --> 01:27:42,208
All okay?
1788
01:27:43,000 --> 01:27:45,083
Yeah, everything's okay.
1789
01:27:50,708 --> 01:27:52,625
How's Maymouna? And...
1790
01:27:54,167 --> 01:27:56,083
How are you both getting on?
1791
01:27:56,625 --> 01:27:57,792
It's all fine.
1792
01:28:05,125 --> 01:28:07,125
Beta, it takes time to adjust.
1793
01:28:09,042 --> 01:28:11,542
It wasn't easy for me either
at the start.
1794
01:28:12,667 --> 01:28:15,542
Your father and I hardly spoke
for the first month,
1795
01:28:15,542 --> 01:28:16,625
and now look at us.
1796
01:28:18,667 --> 01:28:22,208
Sorry, ammi, I'm...
So much to do. I'm busy today.
1797
01:28:28,125 --> 01:28:29,125
Okay.
1798
01:28:30,208 --> 01:28:32,375
So I'll see you both
for Eid tomorrow.
1799
01:28:32,833 --> 01:28:33,792
If it's confirmed.
1800
01:28:34,750 --> 01:28:36,208
I'll call you later, huh?
1801
01:28:36,208 --> 01:28:37,208
(SPEAKING IN URDU)
1802
01:28:39,875 --> 01:28:41,458
You know, beta,
1803
01:28:41,458 --> 01:28:43,333
why the Prophet said,
1804
01:28:43,333 --> 01:28:46,083
"Paradise lies
at the mother's feet"?
1805
01:28:49,000 --> 01:28:50,833
Because there is no love
1806
01:28:50,833 --> 01:28:53,083
greater than a mother's love
for her child.
1807
01:28:57,250 --> 01:28:59,417
That's why our prayers
are double.
1808
01:29:01,500 --> 01:29:04,083
You know what I pray for
every night?
1809
01:29:06,458 --> 01:29:08,458
I pray for your happiness.
1810
01:29:09,542 --> 01:29:11,833
And the happiness
of all my children.
1811
01:29:14,750 --> 01:29:16,583
That's all that matters.
1812
01:29:25,708 --> 01:29:27,958
You know, I just wanna be
a good son, ammi.
1813
01:29:28,833 --> 01:29:30,500
That's it.
1814
01:29:35,458 --> 01:29:37,458
(AISHA SPEAKS LOVINGLY
IN URDU)
1815
01:29:51,875 --> 01:29:54,292
AUTOMATED VOICE:
For your messages, press two.
1816
01:29:54,292 --> 01:29:57,375
Received, 3:34 p.m.
1817
01:29:57,375 --> 01:29:59,708
OLLY: Hi, Zoe.
Olly and Sam here
1818
01:29:59,708 --> 01:30:01,167
from Big Bull Productions.
1819
01:30:01,167 --> 01:30:02,417
Look, we loved the doc,
1820
01:30:02,417 --> 01:30:04,625
but we've got a problem, okay?
White lens.
1821
01:30:04,625 --> 01:30:06,375
SAM: Yeah,
diverse subject, great.
1822
01:30:06,375 --> 01:30:08,542
White director,
it's not so great.
1823
01:30:08,542 --> 01:30:10,417
OLLY: Yeah, so, we're gonna
have to hit pause
1824
01:30:10,417 --> 01:30:11,917
- on the project, okay?
- (SIGHS DEEPLY)
1825
01:30:11,917 --> 01:30:13,083
We're really sorry, obviously.
1826
01:30:13,083 --> 01:30:14,167
SAM: Really sorry.
OLLY: Obviously.
1827
01:30:14,167 --> 01:30:15,667
SAM: And give us a call
if you want a chat.
1828
01:30:15,667 --> 01:30:16,958
- ZOE: Oh, shit.
- Okay. Bye.
1829
01:30:16,958 --> 01:30:19,375
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Press two to repeat.
1830
01:30:21,875 --> 01:30:23,375
You shouldn't
leave your knickers
1831
01:30:23,375 --> 01:30:26,208
just lying about on display.
1832
01:30:26,750 --> 01:30:28,625
I don't understand.
1833
01:30:28,625 --> 01:30:31,417
- Why are you all dressed up?
- It's Eid.
1834
01:30:31,417 --> 01:30:32,917
I'm going to the Khans.
1835
01:30:34,167 --> 01:30:35,625
That's good.
1836
01:30:36,708 --> 01:30:38,208
Do you want to come?
1837
01:30:38,917 --> 01:30:39,875
No, thank you.
1838
01:30:42,250 --> 01:30:44,042
(CHUCKLING)
I'm the last person
1839
01:30:44,042 --> 01:30:45,333
that they wanna see.
1840
01:30:45,792 --> 01:30:46,958
Anyway, I'm packing.
1841
01:30:48,292 --> 01:30:50,583
- Where are you going?
- (SIGHS) Turkey.
1842
01:30:50,583 --> 01:30:51,708
For a break.
1843
01:30:51,708 --> 01:30:54,833
Since everyone hated my film.
1844
01:30:56,833 --> 01:30:58,083
(ZOE SNIFFLES)
1845
01:30:59,500 --> 01:31:02,000
- I must just say...
- (SIGHS)
1846
01:31:02,000 --> 01:31:04,542
I do admire your independence.
1847
01:31:08,917 --> 01:31:10,500
And I...
1848
01:31:11,083 --> 01:31:12,292
You're wrong.
1849
01:31:14,583 --> 01:31:17,750
I don't value you less
when you're not with a man.
1850
01:31:19,417 --> 01:31:23,083
And I'm very, very proud
of everything you've achieved.
1851
01:31:25,917 --> 01:31:27,167
But...
1852
01:31:27,167 --> 01:31:29,792
But, nothing counts
before the "but".
1853
01:31:31,500 --> 01:31:33,417
(STUTTERS) Well, but...
1854
01:31:35,125 --> 01:31:38,292
There's a difference
between independence
1855
01:31:39,042 --> 01:31:40,458
and being so cut off
1856
01:31:40,458 --> 01:31:42,250
that no-one
can get close to you.
1857
01:31:44,000 --> 01:31:46,833
We all need other people.
Even you.
1858
01:31:47,500 --> 01:31:50,042
There's no weakness
in that, Zoe.
1859
01:31:51,500 --> 01:31:52,583
Zahid's right.
1860
01:31:52,583 --> 01:31:54,917
Loneliness is
a Western disease
1861
01:31:54,917 --> 01:31:56,917
and it's far more deadly
than cancer.
1862
01:31:56,917 --> 01:31:58,417
The only cure is to allow
1863
01:31:58,417 --> 01:32:01,667
other people to care
about you, and not...
1864
01:32:01,667 --> 01:32:04,625
Not to always
push them away.
1865
01:32:10,792 --> 01:32:13,167
They say it takes a village
to raise a child.
1866
01:32:13,167 --> 01:32:14,500
But what about the adults?
1867
01:32:14,500 --> 01:32:18,750
I'd say it takes a village
to sustain an adult.
1868
01:32:18,750 --> 01:32:21,167
And I'm so lucky
1869
01:32:21,500 --> 01:32:24,500
to have found my village
1870
01:32:24,500 --> 01:32:26,125
next door and...
1871
01:32:27,625 --> 01:32:29,542
All I want
1872
01:32:29,542 --> 01:32:31,875
is for you to find yours,
that's all.
1873
01:32:40,500 --> 01:32:41,500
(SIGHS)
1874
01:32:43,667 --> 01:32:44,833
CATH: Come here.
1875
01:32:51,583 --> 01:32:52,583
(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
1876
01:32:53,125 --> 01:32:55,458
- That was you then.
- That was my phone.
1877
01:32:56,333 --> 01:32:58,583
CATH: Saved by the bell.
1878
01:32:58,583 --> 01:33:00,792
- Oh, it's from Kaz.
- That's nice.
1879
01:33:04,708 --> 01:33:06,083
- CATH: Can I have a biscuit?
- Yeah.
1880
01:33:09,708 --> 01:33:11,875
- Do I look nice?
- Yeah, you look great.
1881
01:33:13,333 --> 01:33:14,958
KAZ: Do you wanna...
Do you wanna...
1882
01:33:14,958 --> 01:33:17,125
MAYMOUNA: (CHUCKLING)
Okay, okay. Um...
1883
01:33:17,125 --> 01:33:18,417
Hi.
1884
01:33:18,417 --> 01:33:19,500
Uh...
1885
01:33:19,500 --> 01:33:22,208
I loved your film, Zoe. And...
1886
01:33:22,208 --> 01:33:24,167
I'm sorry if this kind of
ruins your ending,
1887
01:33:24,167 --> 01:33:25,250
but...
1888
01:33:26,042 --> 01:33:28,292
I think it's gonna
make it more truthful.
1889
01:33:32,667 --> 01:33:33,833
Eid Mubarak.
1890
01:33:33,833 --> 01:33:34,625
FAROOQ AND YASMIN:
Eid Mubarak.
1891
01:33:34,625 --> 01:33:36,833
(AISHA AND YASMIN PROTESTING
IN URDU)
1892
01:33:38,083 --> 01:33:39,125
(INQUIRING IN URDU)
1893
01:33:39,125 --> 01:33:41,167
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1894
01:33:41,583 --> 01:33:43,125
(AISHA SPEAKING IN URDU)
1895
01:33:43,125 --> 01:33:44,208
(IN ENGLISH)
Just get the spoon. Uh...
1896
01:33:44,208 --> 01:33:46,042
No, no, wait, I'll get that...
1897
01:33:46,042 --> 01:33:48,000
- Help me cut.
- What do you want me to do?
1898
01:33:48,000 --> 01:33:49,125
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1899
01:33:49,125 --> 01:33:50,875
No, no, not like that!
1900
01:33:52,000 --> 01:33:53,375
(INSTRUCTS IN URDU)
1901
01:33:53,375 --> 01:33:55,000
CATH:
So festive, as ever!
1902
01:33:55,000 --> 01:33:56,542
(CATH GREETING IN URDU)
1903
01:33:56,542 --> 01:33:57,667
Eid Mubarak.
1904
01:33:57,667 --> 01:34:00,000
(IN ENGLISH) Don't you look
gorgeous as always.
1905
01:34:00,000 --> 01:34:01,542
I've brought you something
very, very boring.
1906
01:34:01,542 --> 01:34:04,250
- Oh, you needn't have.
- And, erm, Zoe's here.
1907
01:34:04,250 --> 01:34:05,792
Zoe.
1908
01:34:05,792 --> 01:34:07,000
I'm sorry to gatecrash,
1909
01:34:07,000 --> 01:34:09,917
but I really need
to talk to Kaz, please.
1910
01:34:10,542 --> 01:34:11,833
You've been talking
quite a lot
1911
01:34:11,833 --> 01:34:14,250
to all my children lately.
1912
01:34:14,250 --> 01:34:15,375
Jalebis.
1913
01:34:15,375 --> 01:34:16,958
I made them
especially for you.
1914
01:34:16,958 --> 01:34:18,292
Well, thank you.
It's just you're trying
1915
01:34:18,292 --> 01:34:19,375
- to give me diabetes.
- (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
1916
01:34:19,375 --> 01:34:21,000
CATH: I know you are.
1917
01:34:21,000 --> 01:34:22,083
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- I'll eat it later.
1918
01:34:22,083 --> 01:34:23,583
Can you just get the...
1919
01:34:23,583 --> 01:34:24,625
Mmm.
1920
01:34:27,292 --> 01:34:28,333
(AISHA GRUNTS)
1921
01:34:29,583 --> 01:34:30,792
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
1922
01:34:30,792 --> 01:34:33,667
How is everything?
Everyone all right?
1923
01:34:33,667 --> 01:34:35,875
YASMIN: Yeah, it's tense.
CATH: That's quite a thing.
1924
01:34:35,875 --> 01:34:38,292
I mean, I can't...
1925
01:34:38,292 --> 01:34:40,417
- Where's Maymouna?
- She's not coming.
1926
01:34:40,417 --> 01:34:41,708
What do you mean
she's not coming?
1927
01:34:41,708 --> 01:34:43,250
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
1928
01:34:44,458 --> 01:34:46,958
(KHAN FAMILY
CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
1929
01:34:46,958 --> 01:34:50,000
- Hello, darling. Eid Mubarak.
- Happy Eid.
1930
01:34:50,000 --> 01:34:51,958
You smell lovely.
1931
01:34:54,625 --> 01:34:55,708
(ZOE SIGHS)
1932
01:34:55,708 --> 01:34:57,917
(WHISPERING) Are you okay?
I just saw your email.
1933
01:34:59,333 --> 01:35:01,667
- I'm fine.
- Okay.
1934
01:35:02,250 --> 01:35:04,000
I'm glad you're here.
1935
01:35:04,000 --> 01:35:06,792
AISHA: Kazim.
Why isn't Maymouna here?
1936
01:35:06,792 --> 01:35:07,958
Is she sick?
1937
01:35:13,333 --> 01:35:15,500
Ammi, Maymouna's not sick.
1938
01:35:22,542 --> 01:35:24,750
Unless you call heartbreak
a sickness.
1939
01:35:24,750 --> 01:35:27,458
AISHA: (STUTTERS)
What do you mean?
1940
01:35:31,500 --> 01:35:33,750
Turns out our marriage
was more
1941
01:35:34,292 --> 01:35:36,875
"insisted" than "assisted".
1942
01:35:36,875 --> 01:35:39,042
That's not possible.
1943
01:35:39,042 --> 01:35:40,208
They're a modern family.
1944
01:35:40,208 --> 01:35:41,833
Everybody was so happy
at the wedding.
1945
01:35:41,833 --> 01:35:43,667
Where is she now?
1946
01:35:44,708 --> 01:35:47,208
She is working up
the courage to
1947
01:35:48,292 --> 01:35:50,958
tell her parents
we're divorced.
1948
01:35:53,833 --> 01:35:54,875
Divorced?
1949
01:35:54,875 --> 01:35:55,958
(SPEAKS URDU)
1950
01:35:55,958 --> 01:35:57,208
(IN ENGLISH) What do you mean?
Just like...
1951
01:35:57,208 --> 01:35:59,917
All you have to say is,
"I divorce you,
1952
01:35:59,917 --> 01:36:02,125
"I divorce you,
I divorce you".
1953
01:36:02,625 --> 01:36:05,833
Oh, really?
I wish we had that here.
1954
01:36:05,833 --> 01:36:09,667
Beta, triple talaq
is banned in Pakistan
1955
01:36:09,667 --> 01:36:11,333
to stop people
from making rash decisions.
1956
01:36:11,333 --> 01:36:12,917
Ammi, this isn't rash.
1957
01:36:12,917 --> 01:36:15,375
It's... Maymouna was... is...
1958
01:36:15,917 --> 01:36:17,958
in love with someone else.
1959
01:36:21,000 --> 01:36:22,917
Neither of us wants
to pretend any more.
1960
01:36:25,417 --> 01:36:28,125
(SIGHS) Okay,
since it's a day for
1961
01:36:28,125 --> 01:36:29,208
bombshell disclosures.
1962
01:36:29,208 --> 01:36:30,042
Um, I think we all need
1963
01:36:30,042 --> 01:36:32,167
to try and just be
a bit more honest.
1964
01:36:34,417 --> 01:36:36,542
You may as well all know
that I smoke.
1965
01:36:37,500 --> 01:36:39,083
That's very bad for you.
1966
01:36:39,083 --> 01:36:41,125
And I have done
since I was 15.
1967
01:36:41,125 --> 01:36:44,500
But you're a doctor now,
so, not in public.
1968
01:36:45,125 --> 01:36:47,375
I kept asking myself,
1969
01:36:47,375 --> 01:36:48,542
"Why is this grown man
1970
01:36:48,542 --> 01:36:50,083
"always up there
in that treehouse?
1971
01:36:51,042 --> 01:36:52,292
"Does he think he is Tarzan?"
1972
01:36:54,625 --> 01:36:56,208
And I drink sometimes.
1973
01:36:56,208 --> 01:36:59,708
Just some red wine
for your cholesterol.
1974
01:37:00,417 --> 01:37:02,667
Alcohol has some
medicinal value.
1975
01:37:02,667 --> 01:37:03,958
That's a relief.
1976
01:37:03,958 --> 01:37:06,125
Obviously,
I never ever touch pork.
1977
01:37:06,125 --> 01:37:07,708
Of course not.
1978
01:37:07,708 --> 01:37:09,375
You are Muslim, mmm?
1979
01:37:10,833 --> 01:37:14,000
Okay. But there's something
way more important. Um...
1980
01:37:15,333 --> 01:37:16,292
Ammi...
1981
01:37:18,333 --> 01:37:21,083
You always say that Eid is
about family coming together.
1982
01:37:21,083 --> 01:37:22,083
AISHA: Yes.
1983
01:37:23,125 --> 01:37:25,167
(INQUIRES IN URDU)
1984
01:37:25,167 --> 01:37:27,625
(IN ENGLISH) And if Zoe's film
has shown us one thing,
1985
01:37:27,625 --> 01:37:28,958
it's that...
1986
01:37:29,250 --> 01:37:30,500
it's that there's been
an important member
1987
01:37:30,500 --> 01:37:32,750
of our family missing
for too long.
1988
01:37:34,625 --> 01:37:36,292
Too long, ammi jan.
1989
01:37:39,667 --> 01:37:41,917
Just give me one second.
1990
01:37:42,833 --> 01:37:43,833
Sorry.
1991
01:37:57,792 --> 01:37:59,875
(BABY CRYING)
1992
01:37:59,875 --> 01:38:01,500
(AISHA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
1993
01:38:49,625 --> 01:38:50,625
Inshallah.
1994
01:38:58,667 --> 01:39:00,250
She needs her nani jan.
1995
01:39:00,250 --> 01:39:01,458
Beautiful.
1996
01:39:02,750 --> 01:39:03,958
Sweetheart.
1997
01:39:05,167 --> 01:39:07,667
Eid Mubarak, David,
Eid Mubarak.
1998
01:39:15,750 --> 01:39:17,583
And I need my nani jan.
1999
01:39:42,708 --> 01:39:43,708
Nani Jan.
2000
01:39:47,583 --> 01:39:48,583
Nani Jan.
2001
01:39:51,333 --> 01:39:52,542
Please.
2002
01:40:06,625 --> 01:40:08,458
(EXCLAIMING IN URDU)
2003
01:40:47,833 --> 01:40:51,000
(SPEAKING IN URDU)
2004
01:40:52,208 --> 01:40:53,333
Oh.
2005
01:40:53,333 --> 01:40:54,667
Where's Zoe gone?
2006
01:40:54,667 --> 01:40:57,208
Is she gone already
without saying goodbye?
2007
01:40:57,208 --> 01:40:58,583
I've spoken to her about that.
2008
01:40:58,583 --> 01:41:00,000
She's halfway
to Constantinople by now,
2009
01:41:00,000 --> 01:41:02,458
- I shouldn't wonder.
- Wait, what?
2010
01:41:04,875 --> 01:41:06,583
- Kazim?
- (BABY CRYING)
2011
01:41:12,333 --> 01:41:14,417
(PHONE LINE RINGING)
2012
01:41:16,167 --> 01:41:17,833
(AUTOMATED VOICE
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
2013
01:41:17,833 --> 01:41:19,375
- Where have you gone?
- (MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
2014
01:41:23,208 --> 01:41:24,792
(FINGERS TAPPING)
2015
01:41:34,250 --> 01:41:36,250
(PHONE LINE RINGING)
2016
01:41:36,250 --> 01:41:37,417
(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
2017
01:41:53,917 --> 01:41:55,167
Oi, Rapunzel.
2018
01:41:57,708 --> 01:41:59,375
Let down your hair.
2019
01:42:00,000 --> 01:42:03,208
I'm pretty sure I'm the witch
in this fairy tale. (LAUGHS)
2020
01:42:08,542 --> 01:42:09,542
(KAZ GRUNTS)
2021
01:42:24,875 --> 01:42:25,917
(SIGHS)
2022
01:42:32,042 --> 01:42:33,042
Hi.
2023
01:42:34,792 --> 01:42:35,792
Hi.
2024
01:42:39,833 --> 01:42:41,375
It's your turn.
2025
01:42:41,375 --> 01:42:42,750
Yeah. Um...
2026
01:42:45,542 --> 01:42:47,250
I can't speak.
2027
01:42:47,250 --> 01:42:49,917
(LAUGHING) Okay. Sorry. Um...
2028
01:42:51,208 --> 01:42:54,125
Okay. I'm gonna put myself
on the line here.
2029
01:42:55,125 --> 01:42:56,250
Go on.
2030
01:42:56,250 --> 01:42:59,208
- (STUTTERS) This isn't easy.
- I know. I know.
2031
01:42:59,208 --> 01:43:00,292
I'm really high up
2032
01:43:00,292 --> 01:43:01,667
- and there's no safety...
- Zoe.
2033
01:43:08,167 --> 01:43:11,000
Would you like to watch
a whole TV series with me?
2034
01:43:12,500 --> 01:43:13,500
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
2035
01:43:16,708 --> 01:43:18,208
Are you sure?
2036
01:43:18,875 --> 01:43:20,625
- Mmm...
- Because we...
2037
01:43:21,583 --> 01:43:23,417
We should take it very...
2038
01:43:24,125 --> 01:43:26,042
- You know, take it slowly.
- Yeah.
2039
01:43:26,458 --> 01:43:28,250
Yeah, like an episode
at a time.
2040
01:43:28,250 --> 01:43:30,542
- No bingeing.
- No bingeing.
2041
01:43:33,375 --> 01:43:34,833
Just please don't
forget it this time.
2042
01:43:34,833 --> 01:43:36,708
I never forgot. Never.
2043
01:43:39,958 --> 01:43:41,292
And maybe we could just...
2044
01:43:41,292 --> 01:43:44,125
Like, we could have a break
clause halfway through.
2045
01:43:44,125 --> 01:43:46,167
Always a break clause. Always.
2046
01:43:50,000 --> 01:43:51,875
- I... Just...
- Hmm.
2047
01:44:20,708 --> 01:44:22,708
(BOTH LAUGHING SOFTLY)
2048
01:44:43,708 --> 01:44:46,208
We couldn't have
arranged it better ourselves.
2049
01:44:46,208 --> 01:44:47,250
Mashallah!
2050
01:44:48,083 --> 01:44:49,833
That means, "Thank God".
2051
01:44:53,125 --> 01:44:54,417
Ammi jan always said
2052
01:44:54,417 --> 01:44:56,083
this would happen
if we came here,
2053
01:44:56,083 --> 01:44:58,042
and he went
to a mixed university.
2054
01:44:58,667 --> 01:45:00,833
Can't be expected to bowl
a googly every time.
2055
01:45:01,875 --> 01:45:03,583
So, we moved out.
2056
01:45:03,583 --> 01:45:05,125
Only down the road
to number nine.
2057
01:45:05,125 --> 01:45:08,000
Except, er, we call it nine
and three quarters.
2058
01:45:08,000 --> 01:45:09,542
Harry Potter!
2059
01:45:10,583 --> 01:45:12,542
David's getting
to know the family.
2060
01:45:12,542 --> 01:45:15,583
He's even learning Urdu
so he can understand Nani Jan.
2061
01:45:16,250 --> 01:45:18,583
(IN URDU)
Poor little zebra,
2062
01:45:18,583 --> 01:45:20,667
never knowing
what colour she is.
2063
01:45:21,000 --> 01:45:23,250
(IN ENGLISH) It's called
mixed heritage, Nani Jan.
2064
01:45:23,250 --> 01:45:24,792
Mixed heritage?
2065
01:45:25,833 --> 01:45:28,333
I don't know
what you were expecting.
2066
01:45:28,708 --> 01:45:30,542
My head on a stick?
2067
01:45:31,000 --> 01:45:33,417
I'm fine. (CHUCKLES)
2068
01:45:33,417 --> 01:45:35,167
I am graduated.
2069
01:45:35,167 --> 01:45:37,167
I'm a human rights lawyer.
2070
01:45:37,167 --> 01:45:39,292
And my parents
are super proud.