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One out of every three women is subjected to physical and/or sexual violence from the age of 15.
THE DEFENDANT AYLİN IŞIK, born 1991.
Widowed, with one kid, literate, no prior criminal record,
a housewife and claims to have no assets. Turkish citizen.
CRIME Voluntary Manslaughter of Her Spouse
THE BREAK UP BULLET!
The fight over divorce turns into violence!
Husband shot with a rifle!
WOMAN CHARGED FOR KILLING HER HUSBAND WITH A RIFLE!
THE VERDICT
She had been subjected to violence...
SENTENCED TO 15 YEARS IN PRISON…
THE DEFENDANT HAVVA ZOR, born 1982.
Widowed, with 2 kids, literate, has no prior record, has no job. Turkish citizen.
CRIME Voluntary Manslaughter of Her Spouse
Havva Zor (35) was taken into custody after having
claimed to kill her husband and cut his body into pieces.
MONSTROUS WOMAN ARRESTED
Havva Zor, the woman who killed her husband and cut his body into 4 pieces and
buried him, after claiming that he sexually abused her daughter...
THE VERDICT
SENTENCED TO 15 YEARS IN PRISON…
Witch Trilogy 15+ Letters From Prison
HAVVA:: I use a few words but you can understand a lot from them.
AYLİN:: Songs and folk songs are the biggest dreams of my childhood.
The first time I ever sang with a real microphone was when I was 17.
It was like I was walking on air.
Back then there were singing competitions on TV.
I wanted to audition for Popstar but I wasn’t of age.
I had a nice voice. I was very confident about that.
They told me “You can join the try outs if you can get a signed permit from your parents.”
I was very excited and told my mom about this. She said “No” without even listening to me.
We’d be disgraced she said. “It’s shameful.”
What would people think she said. And on and on…
She said everything but “You can do it my daughter!”.
So I was never self confident again.
My mom prefered to watch the news that said
“The murderer Aylin Işık used to live in this house.”
rather than see me singing folk songs in dresses with floral prints.
What am I gonna tell my son Dağlar?
HAVVA: Wait!
How much wood would a wood... chuck wood chuck if a wood… chuck chuck… could chuck wood?
I can’t say it.
How much wood would a wood... chuck wood chuck if a wood… chuck Chuck... could chuck wood?
I can’t say it.
How much wood would a wood... chuck wood chuck if a wood… chuck chuck… could chuck wood?
I CAN’T SAY IT!
How much wood would a wood... chuck wood chuck if a wood… chuck Chuck... could chuck wood?
No! I can’t say it.
There wasn’t anyone who would read me fairy tales as a kid.
I don’t know how that feels.
My poor mom, between taking care of five kids and
being both the man and the woman of the house,
she never had time to read us fairy tales. My poor mom…
We’re not on the best terms… but she also had a difficult life.
She got married when she was 13. She gave birth to me when she was 15.
I’m the oldest.
My dad left us. Married someone else.
Neither my childhood nor my present is like any kind of fairy tale.
My life isn’t as happy as it is in fairy tales.
Mine is more like a tragedy.
AYLİN: My mom didn’t know any fairy tales.
She was illiterate.
That’s why we didn’t have any books in the house besides school books.
I wasn’t able to read at home but I read countless stories and fairy tales to my son in prison.
I usually made up fairy tales.
I would start with “There used to be a mom and her son who lived in a beautiful village…”
I’d basically tell him my dreams.
Dağlar would sometimes understand that I was making these stories up but he’d put a good face on.
My family used to live in Diyarbakır.
The whole family moved to different cities because of a blood feud.
As luck may have it, we got Istanbul.
Wish we didn’t come!
Cengiz Topel Neighborhood is where I’ve learnt about life.
That was the first place I’ve learnt about poverty, pain, violence and swear words.
My dad was an irresponsible and a brutal man. We all feared him.
He never had a regular work life.
It’s impossible to forget the struggle my mom went through to take care of us, on her own.
When my brother was born I realized that poverty would force you to do anything, even if you didn’t want to.
We stole a bottle of milk and two loaves of bread, we had to.
If my brother didn’t get that milk he’d starve, if we didn’t get that bread, we would.
I’d go to bakeries with my older brother and sister to get stale bread.
When the market was set, we’d go in the evening. We’d collect the unharmed fruits and
vegetables that dropped on the floor and get happy like we’ve just found gold.
The vendors would kick us, since us crawling on the floor would make them hobble.
But we’d still laugh and run away from there immediately.
Whenever I see a market place I remember us from back then…
I wish we always stayed that way, me and my brothers and sisters, and never grew up.
There was a little boy in our neighborhood when we were kids.
We’d go to school together.
He’d follow me. Wanted to talk.
I’d always threaten him using my brother, saying “If I tell on you to my brother you’d get a beating!”.
He would persist and say “Do it!”. He’d follow me again.
He’d write notes and send it to me through friends, saying “Will you go out with me?”.
He’d ask the girls about the things I like.
My friends and anyone who knew me, knew that my favourite color was blue.
One day he gave me a pink rose that he spray painted blue.
We were little kids, we had no idea about love or anything.
But it made me really happy.
After that, whenever I saw him I started to blush. I was embarassed.
If these feelings were what love was, Ali was my first love.
I finally accepted to go out with him. We used to walk back home from school.
He’d come up to my street a couple of hours later. I’d look out to window to see him.
Is love the feeling you get when you’re gonna get caught by the people in the house?
I don’t know… It’s something else!
One day, on my way to school I waited for him around the corner.
He didn’t come.
When I went to school, I heard from my friends and teachers that Ali drowned at the dam.
He was my first loss in life.
HAVVA: When I was a kid my favourite place was the garden at our house.
That place for me, was heaven.
I miss that garden a lot. I spent my childhood there.
I can never forget the games we played with my brothers when I came back from school.
Water fights with my brother Emre…
Playing with my brother Yunus’ pigeons…
I miss taking his pigeons out to fly while he was at work.
Whenever we played with flying wheels with my brother Sakıp, he would always win.
Then I’d give him a good beating.
Of course being the apple of my mother’s eye, he’d run and tell me right away.
My mom then would make us stay in the house as a punishment.
I have memories in every corner of that garden.
I had carnations, plectranthus, fuschia, sweet basil, roses and lilacs.
I’d talk to them. They understood me.
They knew I loved them very much. They each had a name.
Now my kids experience those beautiful days and memories I have there but without me.
I really wish I was there with them.
I lived in Antakya Narlıca for 35 years. You’d die for it.
After I left there I came to Belen Neighborhood.
I hate every little thing about Belen Neighborhood.
My mom’s house, our garden…
Our garden.
The most difficult thing here in prison is to keep yourself mentally stable.
Not that I was the most stable person to begin with, now I’m afraid I’ll lose what little stability I have.
AYLİN: I asked him why he was beating me up.
He said “Because you’re too beautiful, that’s why.”.
I filed for divorce. He made me eat the petition I wrote.
I passed out that day because of the beating.
I swallowed every pill I could find at the house. I didn’t want to live.
I was sad that I didn’t die that day.
LIFE
He grabbed the gun and said that he would kill me.
First he held the gun under my chin and asked “Should I shoot you from here?”.
And then he held the gun to the side of my head and asked “Or from here?”.
Then he held the gun to my genitals.
“Should I shoot you from here? Where should I shoot you from?”.
HAVVA: I tried to run away numerous times.
He broke my nose, my ribs, my fingers, every bone.
We lived everyday with the threat of death.
He told me there’s enough of him for me and my daughter.
I turned into a wreck when my daughter told me what he did to her.
He told me there’s enough of him for me and my daughter.
He went to grab his gun.
He pointed the gun at my son’s head, who was sleeping at the time and asked
“Should I shoot?”.
I thought, if he was gonna kill my kid, I should protect him.
I grabbed the gun.
I told my daughter that she doesn’t need to be afraid anymore, that she can sleep safe and sound.
AYLİN: I opened my eyes when I heard my son crying.
I grabbed my kid and left the house. There was no one around.
I didn’t know where to go.
When I went to the police station that day I thought Dağlar was gonna come with me.
They’ve put him in a children’s home.
I cried a lot, begged. I couldn’t see my son for months.
They let him stay with me after a very long time.
What am I gonna tell Dağlar?
He’s just a kid, Only I can mend his wounds.
When I first got to prison I was sleeping on the top bunk.
I jumped with the sound of the gun from the scene.
The moment I jumped I fell off the bunk bed.
I was scared to sleep. I was sleep deprived for days, not to live that moment again.
In my nightmares I usually saw myself being choked to death.
Then woke up with Dağlar screaming “Mom!”.
The rest was silence…
I screamed in my sleep at night. Unintentionally.
My kid got scared. He held me and cried.
His crying made me cry as well.
“It’s over mommy.” he said. “You got me, don’t be scared anymore!”.
I’d die for my Little Blue Eyes.
He has the weight of our troubles on his little shoulders.
He healed me, I healed him.
We fell asleep at night imagining the future.
What our house will be like when we got out of there, what kind of meals we’ll prepare…
What we’ll eat? Sheep’s head, foot soup, mussels…
HAVVA: The first day I got to prison,
I didn’t get out of the bed, and kept sleeping.
I was tired, I slept for days. I didn’t get up for dinner either.
They were waking us up for the head count. I’d get up only for the head count.
They count us. Are we sheep?
I started watching the news day and night.
In the morning news, a female news speaker said “These vicious women should be hanged!”.
On the corner of the screen there were pictures of three women.
They zoomed in on the pictures. And what do I see but myself!
My own photo!
I was very scared. They were gonna hang me!
In a state of panic I ran to my cellmate. “Zeynep wake up, they’re gonna hang me!” I said.
Zeynep then replied...
“Don’t be silly girl, we have no capital punishment in Turkey!”.
My friend Zeynep’s voice makes me feel a lot better.
And also the sound of ney, the instrument. The sound of water…
And unfortunately the sound of tranquility which I never get to hear…
I had nightmares during the whole time I was married.
I always saw him killing either me or my kids. God forbid!
And now look, the nightmares are over.
My son says he’ll become a district attorney.
My daughter will become a kindergarten teacher as she likes kids so much.
They sent me a picture, depicting us.
The three of us hand in hand, in a house with a garden.
In each letter they always draw a heart.
In those hearts are our initials.
I share everything with my son, I talk to him and tell him things.
I know he stands beside me no matter what.
My kids are God’s greatest gift to me. Thank God they’re my kids and I’m their mom.
I dream of the days I’ll hold my kids. I dream of the days when I’ll be free.
Actually dreams are the things that hurt you the most.
It’s really hard not being able to do anything when you want those dreams to become reality…
That’s why I try not to dream a lot. I usually pray and ask help from God.
Because only God can make my dreams come true.
AYLİN: I moved to Gazi Neighborhood when I got married.
I don’t think of that place as Gazi Neighborhood, for me it’s the “Death” Neighborhood.
I used to watch my back when I went out to get groceries. The neighborhood became my nightmare.
I was at the brink of death so many times in that neighborhood.
I can’t stop seeing Kent Forest in the neighborhood.
That place ruined my life but I still survived there.
But despite everything, I became a mother at Gazi.
When I was at Diyarbakır I always wanted to return to Istanbul.
But after I got married I started dreaming about going back to Diyarbakır.
Istanbul is a beautiful city, but not for me anymore…
HAVVA: I hate every little thing about Belen Neighborhood.
The first day I woke up in that house was the morning that turned my life into a nightmare.
I realized that I’ve found myself in quicksand quite late.
The struggle for me and my kids’ lives had begun.
I realized that the more I tried to survive it the deeper I got in.
I’ll never forget those days for the rest of my life.
But Allah is great! I believe in divine justice.
When I hear the word “bad person”, I think of “him”.
In this life, selfish people who only think of themselves… They have no honor…
People who waste other people for their own egos, torture them,
steal the bread from the mouth of orphaned children, steal people’s rightful shares…
The most important thing is, people who have no fear of Allah, that is bad…
Let Allah help us avoid these kind of people.
He told me there’s enough of him for me and my daughter.
When I hear the word “bad person”, I think of “him”.
AYLİN: The most beautiful people I’ve ever met
came into my life after what happened.
My lawyer Esin, I actually call her “my hero”.
Cause this was the first time I saw a woman be so very brave.
Efsanem, Kıvırcık, Çınar and Güzelim who didn’t leave me by myself even for a day.
We all had very different lives but we came together at a stop called prison.
I now have sisters. That’s why I feel very lucky.
HAVVA: When you're so miserable and just when you least expect it,
God gives you a chance and you run into someone like Miss Mehtap.
My lawyer is the only person who’s been with me through the penal process, under every circumstance.
Mehtap is the most precious miracle for me after my kids.
When I hear the word “bad person”, I think of “him”.
He told me there’s enough of him for me and my daughter.
I thought my parents wouldn’t be able to look
after my kids since they had economic difficulties.
I couldn’t turn myself in.
I thought I had to bury “him”.
I couldn’t lift the body.
My friends called, asking to meet, I said “okay”.
I met with them but I wasn't myself.
I didn't know what I was doing.
They were talking to me but I couldn’t understand a single word.
They asked me what was wrong, I said I wasn’t feeling well.
I got out of there and came back home.
I saw the body still lying there!
Miss Mehtap asked me: Havva, how can a body disappear on its own?
I’ve been through so much cruelty and begged Allah a lot.
I thought the body would disappear. Look I swear to God, I swear to God I thought that.
AYLİN: He would approach me quietly behind my back and pull my hair.
I feel like someone would suddenly appear behind me and do something.
That’s why I always sit with my back to the wall.
I’m very scared of people trying to wake me up by touching me.
I got used to calming myself down.
The thing I say the most is “it’s over”. It’s over, it’s over… It’s over…
I got married. I got lonely.
I had no one, I couldn’t share anything with anyone.
My family was far away. I had no friends or nothing like that.
I lived through all of these on my own.
I got fed up with being silent.
I was so scared. I was too silent.
Enough.
I ran away to Diyarbakır.
I was sitting at a tea garden in Dağkapı, on my own.
I stared at the view. I could see all of Diyarbakır.
I said “I’m gonna get a divorce!”.
Enough.
I told my family that I filed for a divorce. No one supported me.
I won’t forgive them.
I told my mom that I was going to leave that place in a coffin,
and my mom told me “I have been through a lot too.”
That’s true, she had a very tough life.
My dad would treat everyone kindly and when there was no one around
he would take my mom into a room and start beating her up.
We would see him do it.
HAVVA: My favourite item…
The big doll my dad got me from Arabia.
I think I had that doll since I was 15 or 16. It meant a lot to me.
Because my dad got me that doll. I was so happy.
Even though we don’t talk to my dad anymore, he’s my only love.
Growing up I always missed him.
He abandoned us, married someone else.
We used to celebrate Eid Qurban with my family.
And sacrifice an animal too.
I saw animals butchered at a young age. I wasn’t scared at all.
I was even very good with giving them a hand.
Six months before the eid my mom got two sheep to sacrifice: Karabaş and Kınalıbaş.
I raised them, took care of them, made them grow bigger.
We sold Karabaş and had Kınalıbaş left.
My mom promised me that we weren't going to sacrifice Kınalıbaş.
On the eve of Eid, again, I asked my mom and she told me we weren’t going to butcher Kınalıbaş.
But in the morning of eid I woke up to my uncle’s voice.
I got out of my bed and ran straight to the garden.
And I saw my Kınalıbaş laying on the ground.
They severed its head and put it on its tail.
I ran and threw my arms around its head and cried all day long.
I didn’t eat its meat and didn’t want my parents to eat it either.
It was a very sad Eid Qurban for me.
After that day we never took care of another sacrifical animal.
“He” was the last sacrifical I ever saw.
AYLİN: Voluntary Manslaughter…
Even the name of the crime is discriminatory: Manslaughter.
When in fact it’s the women that get killed the most in this country.
I’m here because I survived. These so-called justice warriors ask me
“Why did you defend yourself? You could’ve chosen to die.”
This is how they punish survivors.
“You should’ve died.” they say. “Why didn’t you die?”
“Why didn’t you die?”.
HAVVA: The only dream I have is to have a house
with a big garden where I can grow every kind of vegetable.
A huge barn with chickens, cows, geese, sheep and goats inside.
To put it in other words I want the simple life. I wanna grow and pick everything myself.
Is this too much to ask now?
AYLİN: Of course I miss vineyards, gardens,
flowers and weeds now that I’m in prison.
I sometimes look at a bunch parsley and spring onions and laugh and talk to them
“I’m going to forget the color green if it weren’t for you.”
Once I saw a yellow flower growing on concrete and told it
“Even you have the hope to live, why shouldn’t I?”.
Flowers, no matter the species, that declare their independence,
that even defy concrete to live, to grow,
are the most precious living beings and they’re now my idols.
That’s why I tell myself “I’m a flower lady!"
HAVVA: Photographs are beautiful memories left from the past.
The roses in Zeynep and Efe’s photo, I planted them with my own two hands.
The more I think of my daughter the more I regret the things I couldn’t do for her.
Photographs are beautiful memories left from the past.
I look at my childrens’ photos here and feel happy.
AYLİN: I don’t have many pictures left from my childhood.
Three or four at most.
I don’t have a picture with my family either.
In none of the photos you see my mom, my dad and my five siblings together.
That’s why I loved taking pictures of Dağlar in every
situation at every moment, to even out those days.
His first clothes, his first pair of shoes, his first toy, memories from his birth.
I even kept my Little Blue Eyes’ nails.
They were all left in that house.
When Dağlar was a baby I talked to him so much that he could start speaking and would talk to me…
I thought maybe it could help with my loneliness.
Dağlar grew up, started speaking. He started understanding everything.
After that I had to keep what’s going on a secret from him.
My son saw me covered in blood. I was looking at Death in the eye every day.
He was three years old, he would get mad at what his father was doing to me.
He would pack his tiny suitcase and say “I’m going to Diyarbakır, you come with me as well!”.
Dağlar would stroke my hair and say “Don’t worry I’ll stroke without pulling it”.
My favourite photo of us is the one where we look at the streamlet in the village.
Over there I told the water about my dreams.
My dream was to be on my own with Dağlar...
Now my son is there where I had those dreams, with my parents in Diyarbakır…
He started school there and I got his photos in school.
He drew a picture of me. He drew my eyes real big.
Dağlar used to say… “I want to be a police officer”.
Now he says “I want to be a painter”.
That made me really happy, really.
I promised Dağlar when I sent him away from here:
I’ll come back one morning when you’re asleep, my son, and wake you with a kiss…
This is what I dream of the most.
HAVVA: Samandağ is the place I miss the most…
I miss eating warm, stuffed sheep sausages and tripe soup over there.
I miss the coast and the sea, the memories I have of me fishing there were very precious.
The stores I stared at the most while passing through were always the ones that sold birds.
Canaries, parrots… All in different colors, so lively.
My bird was very precious to me: Haydar!
He used to tweet in five different ways just in one breath.
I woke up each morning to the sound of my bird.
I’d open the door to his cage and he would have breakfast with me.
He would never leave my shoulder.
He got sick one day and went to heaven. I was so sad, I cried a lot.
AYLİN: I love birds a lot.
I love them so much that I have a swallow tattoed on my arm.
It means good luck and freedom.
Nevertheless birds never brought me luck or good fortune.
When I was a kid the more a bird visited our house the more we got the news of a relative’s death.
My mom used to always say
“They bring bad fortune. No birds are allowed in this house anymore.”.
The last time, Dağlar got a parrot as a present.
On that night, the parrot squawked at us nonstop,
till it heard the sound of the gunshot.
Then it stopped.
I have no idea what happened to it.
I get sad each time I think of it.
I also say I’m never going to have a bird as a pet anymore.
I love birds a lot but only when they’re in the sky.
The first place I would go to when I get out of here would be an amusement park.
Is there anyone who doesn’t like amusement parks?
I guess there’s no place more fun than amusement parks.
I used to go with the kids a lot.
These colorful, grand rides...
I liked the bumping cars and riding the rollercoaster.
I used to play with my kids like crazy.
It was like a festival place. And if I had the money to buy tokens,
I’d feel like I’m gonna fly in the sky like those rides make you feel.
The most precious gift one has is their freedom. You only get that when you’re here in prison.
I liked the ballerina ride the most. I used to ride that one first.
I liked how it suddenly went up and down.
When it was spinning fast I felt like the world itself was spinning.
Later I realized that life is also like that ballerina ride.
Whether you go up or down or spin around we can stay on your own two feet if you want to.
When I get out of prison…
I would raise my head first. I would look at the sky as long as I like.
I would take a deep breath and fill my lungs.
I would smell the weeds, the flowers on the ground.
Wherever I will be, the first thing I would do is to go to my Dağlar…
Do immediately whatever Dağlar missed the most while I wasn’t there…
Then I would go to my kids, hug them and kiss them as much as I want and smell their scents.
I want to take my son and go to the village. Just me, my son and our dog.
I would have breakfast with my kids, chat with them.
I would sleep with them by my side.
I want to walk barefoot on the ground near the streamlet.
I want to look as faraway as I can see.
Once I get out of here I will be born again.
We started this journey with the dream of imprisoned women telling their own stories directly to the camera.
The Ministry of Justice had declined our appeal to enter the prisons with cameras and record our interviews.
Again, we appealed to them to -at least- record the voices of Aylin and Havva.
Once again, our appeal had been declined.
In the end we have decided to make our very own interviews by exchanging letters.
They poured out their hearts in letters.
Two actors became Aylin and Havva's voices.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood!