Downloaded from YTS.MX
[TV static drones]
[bright tone]
- This is the new me
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
that was birthed in isolation,
built on growth, refined through hurt,
curated from introspection,
and perfected by healing.
The old me met the new me
and became a whole me.
[cheers and applause]
[Afrobeat music playing]
♪ ♪
[music stops]
[cheers and applause]
LA, what's going on?
[cheers and applause continue]
Oh, I hope y'all came for a comedy show.
Yeah, boy.
Y'all gonna gas me tonight. I love it!
Yo, this is my second HBO special.
We out here, baby!
[cheers and applause]
[laughs]
So it looks like COVID is over.
Is that what's going on? Is COVID over?
- No. - Yeah.
- Either it's over, or we just treating it
like it's the 24th season of "Grey's Anatomy."
You're like, "This show is still poppin'?"
I guess. I don't know.
You must have a good job.
She said, "I don't care what the mask mandate is,
but I have my mask on."
That woman has health insurance she cares about.
The rest of y'all just risking it all, raw-doggin' air.
She is like, "No, no. Mm-mm.
They told me I can't work from home no more."
It was a lot of learning and unlearning for me
in the pandemic.
Y'all? audience: Yeah.
- I learned that...
I ain't had no hobbies.
'Cause that was a thing!
In the pandemic, everybody was baking bread for no reason.
Just the yeast industry was on and popping.
Just ah, ah...
Y'all was coloring...
with your big age,
buying five packs of coloring books from Amazon.
200 packs of crayons.
There are not that many colors.
What is seal brown, huh?
Are we talking the animal or the singer?
Which one?
I was hatin', though, 'cause I ain't have no hobbies.
I can't figure-- I'm a child of immigrants.
My only hobbies growing up were just wash dishes,
clean my room, and serve my elders.
My hobbies were chores, y'all.
That's what I'm trying to tell y'all.
My inner child was struggling.
So I went to my therapist.
I was like, "Yo, I'm really struggling."
She was like, "Okay, let's go deeper.
"All right.
What do you do for fun?"
I was like, "Um, I work."
She was like, "No, no, no, no, no.
"Let's, like, really unpack it. What brings you joy?"
Nigga, not being broke. [laughs]
Having enough money to afford your services.
What?
Don't your checks clear?
I started a new form of therapy in the pandemic.
EMDR. [cheering]
Yes? Okay, my E--
Okay, my nervous system--
The rest of these hos just out here talking.
They just-- [laughs]
They're like, "What? What is that?
Is that a new thing? Is that--"
No, EMDR.
'Cause talk therapy-- y'all are so smart.
I smell the degrees in this room.
Y'all are brilliant.
Y'all the main ones that show up to talk therapy
day one with a PowerPoint presentation.
Like, "All right, Doc." [clicks tongue]
"Here are my triggers and my traumas.
"It started when I was six.
"Ugh, matter of fact, I blame my dad.
"Why am I here? [laughs] I'm Gucci.
"You know, what are your issues, Doc?
Let me help you out."
But EMDR shuts all that down.
It takes away the logic, and it deals
with your, you know, your nervous system.
[calming music]
- In EMDR, we help to free the nervous system
of past messaging that keeps us in trauma.
Continue tapping and tell me what image comes to mind
when you think of the word fear.
- Um, me in the Chipotle line
and not having enough money to add guac.
- Okay, that sounds like a fear of lack.
Where do you feel that in your body?
- Oh, my left leg is, like, throbbing.
- Okay. Open your eyes
and tell me what else you noticed
while you were in the line.
- I mean, I was starting to feel a little,
like, inadequate.
- Let's see if we can learn a little bit more
about that pain point.
- When I was eight,
I spent days making this Mother's Day gift.
But then my brother just laughed at me,
so I guess from that point,
I decided that in order to be accepted,
I just always had to do better.
- Is that a value you believe an eight-year-old
could even sustain?
- A Nigerian one, yep.
- Yes.
Yours are a very resilient people.
- I mean, you say that like it's a good thing,
but it sound like a bad thing.
- Do you see that from a very early age,
you adopted a habit of performative love?
- How else was I supposed to be loved
if I wasn't working for it?
- Okay, let me ask.
[echoing] When was the last time
you truly believed you were enough?
- [sighs]
'Cause the body don't lie.
Your trauma's trapped in your body.
So, fellas, when you be like, "Man, I don't even care
about them, fam. I don't even care!"
You care so much. You care so much.
All that trauma, it's in your throat.
It's in your throat.
You have no range of motion, just none.
It's just, "I don't even care."
It's right here. It's just--release it.
And, ladies, we do it, too.
We do it-- "I will never cry for him.
He will never see these tears. No, I'm not gonna cry."
Let it out. Let it out.
It's in your thigh meat.
That's just all trapped in your thigh meat.
It was wild. It was wild.
I live with-- My roommate Ester discovered
that she had hobbies in the pandemic.
Now I got to break it down.
Me and Ester have lived together since 2013.
That's a long time.
I'm talking, like, scruggle years, okay?
It's pre-"Insecure," baby, okay?
This is when we was, you know,
splittin' salads that didn't have no protein,
so it was just lettuce, y'all.
So she was a aspiring writer,
and obviously I was a aspiring entertainer.
And when we met-- how we became roommates,
it was by accident, right?
'Cause one day she was like, "Oh, I got to go find
a hostel to stay at."
And I was like, "Girl,
you don't have to live like this."
'Cause she said "hostel." I heard "brothel."
[laughs] Okay?
I was like, "You don't have to sell your body for scrips.
You don't have to..."
So, in 2019, I bought my house, and I was like,
"Ester... [laughs]
You coming with 'cause, um, property tax."
It's real. It's real. [laughs]
It'll get you.
And in the pandemic, Ester discovered
that her hobby was cooking. - Ooh!
- And I said, "Let the Lord use you."
Shit. [speaks Nigerian dialect]
Okay, 'cause pre-pandemic, we was on that LA diet,
that kale, quinoa, and kombucha.
Y'all know what it is. - Yeah!
- Pandemic hit, she was like,
"All right, so I'm thinking of making a lobster tail,
"but I want to do, like, a special jerk seasoning,
and I want to make, like, a bread pudding with rum."
I said, "You know what?
"You've been working hard.
"Mortgage is on me this month, okay?
I got us."
[laughs]
Three months in, this ho stopped cooking
'cause she discovered she got another hobby.
She started hiking.
And I was like, "No, no. Mm-mm.
"You sold me on a dream, okay?"
Black, Black, no trade-backs. [laughs]
"Go ahead. You owe me some back rent.
Stop this."
But I had to find my hobby.
I had to find it 'cause I felt left out.
I was like, "Yo, my inner child is jacked up."
Felt left out, so I discovered tennis.
I know I said that very Christopher Columbus-like.
I didn't discover it. It was always around.
But I found it for myself, and I was gassed.
Okay, I went and bought Serena's shoes.
I don't know what I thought it was gonna do for me,
but I was like, "Why not?"
Bought the shoes, got a racket.
Did you know you have to string your own racket?
Like, if it's the--yeah, 'cause y'all are not professionals.
[laughs]
And that's what happens, okay? [laughs]
I had to get my racket strung. I was ready.
I got a ten-week training session
with a private coach-- I was ready.
Week three...
a ho gets sciatica.
Do you know what sciatica is? audience: Yes.
- It is the most excruciating pain
that you will ever experience.
It was so bad, like, for the first time in my life--
I'm not even gonna lie to y'all--
I considered cocaine.
I don't even know if it's a remedy,
but I was willing to try.
I'm like, "I don't know.
I don't... [laughs] How did we get here?"
[laughs]
And the worst part about pain is that it knows
when you're trying to get rid of it.
Pain, it's smart, 'cause you wake up in the morning,
you're like, "I can't move.
"Can someone please just help me?
Like, open the door? [whines]"
But the minute your car pulls
into that hospital parking lot,
just the minute it just, skrrrt,
pain be like, "Oh, what's going on over here?
"What's going on over here?
"You see where she at? What is that, Cedars-Sinai?
"Is that Cedars-Sinai? Nah, nah, nah, nah.
"Chill, chill, chill. Everybody, chill, chill.
Relax, relax."
All of a sudden, you're like,
"Hold on. What the"--
"No, no, no.
"Keep that same 'painergy.'
Keep that same 'painergy,' fam!"
You get to the doctor's office, and you real mad
'cause they give you, "On a scale of one to ten."
You're like, "It was a ten, fam!
"Could you just, like, push me?
"No, if you push me, it'll reactivate.
No, can you just--"
So he's like, "So what you're saying
is that the pain comes and goes?"
I'm like, "No, it only goes when I come here!"
Stupid.
So I had to find another hobby.
Started home renovations.
But, yeah.
Put a gym in my house. audience: Ooh.
- [laughs] Not for me. Oh, my God, no.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
It was gonna be my nigga magnet.
I had a plan.
[laughs]
I had a heavy bag, a speed bag.
I have never done this. Bap, bap, bap, bap.
But it's all in there because, you know,
the pandemic, dudes was losing their minds.
When the gyms closed down,
they were just gaining weight
and growing beards that didn't connect.
It was weird.
So random.
And dudes didn't even realize there was a pandemic happening
until the NBA shut down.
20,000 people had died,
but "Oh, my God, there's no more NBA.
"LeBron and them cannot play.
"Do you believe this?
"This is getting serious.
"I was watching CNN. They say it's a pandemic.
"Yeah, the pand-- We got to mask up.
"This LeBron and them cannot-- no dribbling, nothing.
Every stadium shut down."
[laughs] It's just...
So I had a plan.
I was gonna park myself outside every Crunch,
every Equinox,
every Planet Fitness, just--
[clears throat] And wait.
"Oh, my God, it's closed."
[chuckles]
"They didn't send you no email, no text, nothing?
"Damn.
"It's wild.
"So, like, what is you gonna do, though?
"I mean--I mean, I know a place.
Let's talk about this
three-month membership, though."
[laughs oddly]
That's my basic-girl laugh.
We all--every lady in here got a basic-girl laugh.
When some dude tells you you're cute, you're like,
"Oh, my God, stop. You think I'm cute?
"You play too much." [laughs oddly]
"Stop." [laughs oddly]
"How cute."
[laughs]
But, yeah, man, lots of learning and unlearning.
I had to find a new relationship
with achievement.
You know? 'Cause God told me.
God told me. He said, "What got you to success
will not sustain you in it."
And I was like, "Nigga, what that mean, though?
Stop speaking to me in parables."
But I had to find balance in my Nigerianess.
I do, I did, and I love being Nigerian.
There's a lot of dope things about--
amazing about being Nigerian.
You know, we have Afrobeats.
Right? Y'all saw.
[speaks Nigerian dialect] We have our food.
Our high-quality film industry.
[laughter]
Ah.
Can't win 'em all. [laughs]
No, but I had to find a new relationship
with being Nigerian because, you know,
we have this thing.
We always have to be perfect.
Got to be great out the gate all the time.
[speaks Nigerian dialect] But I'm staying maybe second?
You know?
Had to undo perfectionism, y'all.
I remember when I was five...
[chuckles] I went to ballet.
Everybody else is just trying to get into first position.
My father on the side, "Stand on your toes!
"No, stand on your toe-- on your toe!
Pirouettes."
I'm like, "What?"
"The person that can do this, do they have three legs?
Stand on your toes!"
You're not even given an opportunity
to see if you like ballet.
Now I got to be Misty Copeland. What?
[chuckles]
And I remember my very first time
doing an hour set.
It happened by mistake, okay?
I was in Atlanta, and I hit up my agent, Heidi,
and I was like, "Hey, Heidi.
"I'm trying to do, like, 15, 20 minutes.
See if you can get me a spot."
She was like, "All right, Yvonne.
"Let me see what I can do.
I'll be right back." [laughs oddly]
She calls back. She's like, "Great news.
I got you your first headlining."
I said, "Ooh.
"Heidi, that is not at all what we discussed...
at all, okay?"
'Cause I was scared.
I was like, "What do you mean my first headline?
I just wanted to do a couple of minutes."
And she said something that changed the way I think.
She was like, "Yvonne,
either way, we're gonna learn something."
If you haven't deduced,
Heidi is of the Caucasian persuasion.
- It tracks. - Mm-hmm.
She said, "It tracks." [laughs]
And she was like, "Either way, we're gonna figure out
"if you have it or how much more further
"you have to go, so let's just see.
Let's just see."
White people love a "let's just see."
That is y'all's ministry, okay?
Y'all love a "let's just see."
I'm a child of immigrants.
I didn't grow up with "let's just see."
I grew up with...
[Nigerian accent] "You better be.
"All the money I'm spending on your education,
you better be number one."
Y'all love a "let's just see."
"Honey, it's Rebecca's first date.
Should we set a curfew?"
Oh, I don't know.
I trust our daughter.
So let's just see.
And besides, mistakes build character.
My house...
"You better be back by 8:00 p.m."
But, Dad, the date starts at 7:00.
"You better eat fast."
This is a sham.
I had to learn--
I had to learn to separate my work from my worth.
- Oh. - Ooh, y'all went to church.
Come on back, baby. Come on back. It's okay.
This is me. [laughs]
I'm talking about me.
"Mm, wait, hold on.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
[cheers and applause]
'Cause it's wild, 'cause even
the cultural conditioning of things.
Nigerians don't even call you by your name.
They call you by your profession.
They're like, "My daughter, the pharmacist,
"she will be a good match for your son, the engineer.
Mm-hmm, yes."
And you keep working 'cause you want them to be--
you want to be the one they brag about.
Nobody wants to be the one that they're like,
"No, not the one without a job.
"That one is a foolish goat.
"Not that one.
I said the engineer."
But it keeps you chained. It keeps you just cycling.
It keeps you cycling.
And it's not bad to have achievement,
but, like, what else?
I ask myself like, "Who am I without the show?"
Enough. That's what it is. I'm enough.
[cheers and applause]
But it sounds good. It sounds good.
But a lot of this is hard.
If you see my therapist driving a Porsche,
that's my car, okay? [laughs]
My sessions finance half of that, okay?
It's my lease.
But, no, I had to...
just release "hustle and grind" culture.
Pick up ease and flow.
- Yes. - [chuckles] I swear--
this is the First Baptist Church...
of downtown LA.
But these songs don't help.
These songs are--"I've been grinding all my life,
just grinding all my life."
Grinding all your life?
When do you sleep?
We feed into it. I'm not gonna lie.
I fed into it. I thought I was lazy.
Pandemic hit, there was nothing to do!
Nothing to do--I was like, "I should be doing something."
Hit up my therapist, and I was like, "I just feel lazy."
She was like, "Is it that you're lazy,
"or is your body just finally at rest
after a decade's worth of work?"
And I was like, "Hey, Doc, can you put that in writing
to send to my mama 'cause..."
[laughs] "She'll hear it from you.
She's not gonna hear it from me."
Like, growing up, I remember, like, just even asking them
for stuff was, like--
like a serious episode of "Shark Tank."
- On this episode of "Tiger's Nest,"
we have Necca Oforro, a 25-year-old
with a fairly basic proposal for her parents.
It's never worked before, but let's see how this goes.
- Uh, Mom, Dad, and--
Auntie Shola. - My dear, don't mind me, oh.
I only came to visit your parents--that's all.
Feel free. Be you. Hello.
- [sighs] Well, as you both know,
I have been a stellar daughter.
I have five degrees
and an exorbitant amount of debt to show for it.
And that is why I'm here asking you guys
for a $6,000 investment for my first apartment.
- You want to move out?
Well, what would Nigerian community say about me, huh?
They will say that I have allowed my daughter
to gallivant the streets.
- I don't know-- - Huh?
- I don't know who's saying that,
but that's the point of the ask--
so that I don't end up on the streets.
- [speaks native language]
What's wrong with our own house?
I thought you liked watching CNN
and "Forensic Files" with me for hours.
- While that has been absolutely titillating content,
Dad, I think it's just time for me to spread my wings.
[sewing machine whirring]
- What else are you spreading, eh?
The last time somebody wanted those kind of freedoms,
that was Mrs. Veronica's daughter, Rebecca.
She, too, she left the house
and came back with two sets of twins with no father
because she also wanted to spread her wings.
[laughs] Hello?
♪ Yes ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ Okay ♪
♪ Always ♪
♪ With me ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
- ♪ Shady Shola ♪
- Necca... [Necca sighs]
Tell us the truth.
Are you moving out because you're pregnant?
- No. - Prostitute?
- No. - Pregnant prostitute?
- Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing?
Listen, I don't know why this is such a big deal.
I have... - It's a big deal.
- Literally been the good Nigerian girl.
I don't do drugs. - Wait.
So you want us to be happy because you're not doing drugs?
Huh? If you like do all the drugs now,
there's marijuana, there's cocaine,
there's heroin--do all, if you like overdose and die.
Look, please keep your head in one place.
- Okay. - My daughter,
you know it is dangerous for a single woman on her own.
Where exactly will you live? - Well, I'm glad you asked.
Okay, I am-- Ha ha.
I have found a spacious two-bedroom apartment
in a very lovely neighborhood,
and it even comes with a dishwasher.
- Come on, dishes do not wash.
Where did I go wrong? [speaking native language]
What is this?
- And to offset the cost
and to provide additional safety,
I've also found a roommate.
- Eh? Roommate?
Is he also begging for money?
- A he? What is his GPA?
Where is his parents from?
- Does he believe in God?
- I'm sure I will find out all of this,
plus her zodiac sign.
- Zodiac! Ah!
That means she's into witchcraft.
Everybody, save yourself. I'm out.
- You were never in!
[gently] You were never in, so...
Mom? Dad?
- I will offer you $4,000,
but you will give us a key,
and you will give us access to the security cameras
in the unit.
- That's definitely an invasion of privacy.
- No, that is not an invasion of privacy.
It is just like that time that I had to remove the door
of your room when that boy came to the house,
kissing my daughter-- what's his name?
- Jeremy. - Jeremy.
- Or Jeremiah, one of those. - Jeremy, that's it.
- Okay, well, that was your offer.
Mom?
- I can offer you $5,000.
- Which money? - I said $5,000.
But you must come home every weekend
and be cooking with me.
- Mm. - And if anybody ask,
you're living at home with me.
- So you want me to lie?
- Are you calling me a liar?
- You just-- - Are you calling me--
- Hold on, hold on. - What's wrong with this girl?
- These children, they have no respect for their elders.
After they will... [speaking native language]
Their therapist and tell them that it is all your fault.
- I thought you were out. - You see?
All these children, no respect at all.
They have no respect. None.
Oh, my glasses is there.
- Mom, Dad!
- All right, you can move out.
You have our blessing.
- Oh, okay, good. Thank you.
- But not our money. - What?
What the hell? Look, you know what?
At this point, I might as well just become a prostitute
'cause that's--I don't know. - A prostitute.
[overlapping chatter]
- [crying] A prostitute.
- Hey! [speaking native language]
- You see? I knew it.
- My mom is nervous that all my sessions are about her.
"So you're just telling the therapist it was my fault?
Is that what you're doing? It was my fault, eh?"
Yes, it was! Wasn't it?
[laughs]
Who else is to blame?
And she'd go, "I was just doing the best I can!"
It's in her throat. It's in her throat.
I hate when I meet people
and they be like, "I'm good on therapy.
I don't even need it. I'm good on it."
[sighs]
You're a Black person in America, fam.
Okay? [cheers and applause]
You most definitely need therapy.
Matter of fact, it should be free
and just mandated every Juneteenth.
Just coupons.
40 acres and a session.
[giggles]
I need a Black therapist, though.
I've only ever had a Black therapist.
That--that's it.
[cheers and applause]
I say "nigga" too much,
and I don't want to have to unpack that.
You know what I'm saying?
I just want to-- it is what it is.
That nigga right there is trash.
No, no, there's no historical-- no, no.
Mm-mm, I said what I said. Mm-hmm.
Thank you. [laughs oddly]
I had to fire three therapists in the pandemic.
'Cause it's like dating. It's not one size fits all.
You got to find your person.
The first dude,
I had to get rid of him 'cause he was--
he was too empathetic, you know?
He was like, "Yvonne"...
[sighs]
"How are you?"
I was like, "I was fine.
Should I not be?"
Just like, "I just...
I know. I just"...
[sighs] "I know."
I was like, "I don't know what you know,
but I feel like I should go, okay?"
The second therapist,
she told me to be a little bit more messy.
And I was like, "Mm, um,
don't think that's really good advice."
The third therapist,
he had to go because...
he just laughed too hard at my jokes.
And I wasn't even trying to be funny.
Like, I don't even know if, like, subconsciously
I'm using humor as the method of deflection.
But here he go.
His shoulders are activated, like...
I was like, "Is this fool Harlem Shaking?"
[chuckles] "That's hysterical."
No, it's not. I'm in pain.
What are you doing?
He had the nerve to be like,
"Well, that's all the time we have."
The hell it is.
I had to pause for laughter. You owe me six minutes, Doc.
[scoffs] Reclaiming my time.
[cheers and applause]
He's making it hard for the next chick
that I got with 'cause I was like--
At the intake, I was like, "Hey, sis.
Can you, like, just, like, not laugh at me?"
She was like, "Oh, my God.
Is this a trigger from your childhood?"
I was like, "Nah, it's a trigger from last week.
This nigga just kept laughing at me."
But every once in a while, I see that she catches herself.
So she be like... [laughs, coughs] "Oh, mm, mm.
"That is interesting.
"That is-- it's very interesting.
Yeah."
And we realized who we do not miss
in the pandemic, didn't we? - Lord.
- We--[laughs] Brother, are you okay?
What's your name, fam? - Devon.
- Devon? - Yeah.
- What happened to you? [laughter]
[laughs] But we realized who we don't miss.
Yo, check this out. We had nothing but time.
Just tick-itty tock, tock time.
And still--I mean, we had so much time,
we finished TV.
Netflix wasn't even asking, "Are you still watching?"
They were like, "There's nothing left!
Please go color!"
And still, with all the time we had left,
still without fail...
whenever that one number would call,
we'd look at the phone like... [clicks tongue]
"I ain't got time for this."
We had all the time in the world.
We're like, "But not for them."
You got to save them in your phone like,
"Not today, not ever."
I have this weird thing where I save people in my phone
like how I first met them.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- You too? [laughs]
I just think--like, so, like, it's weird.
So, like, if I just met you, Devon...
- Oh. - [laughs]
- I would be like "Devon, comedy show, goin' through it."
[laughter and applause]
I know exactly who he is.
I have a friend saved in my phone
as "Rachelle, red lip, Liberia."
She grabbed my phone to send herself a picture,
and she was like, "Is this how you still have me saved?"
I was like, "Yeah."
She was like, "We've been friends for 12 years."
It's like--I mean, "Were you not in Liberia, though?
The red lip was poppin'. What do you want from me?"
[laughs]
I got a dude saved in my phone as...
"Thiiiiiiiis Nigga."
With all them I's.
Just "Thiiiiiiiis"...
all: Nigga.
- And, ladies, it would be so easy
to delete it.
It would be so easy to delete the phone,
block the number.
But why?
We don't. We save it for the story.
In the off chance
that "Thiiiiiiiis Nigga" calls?
What?
We want to be able to be like, "Girl!
Guess who called me today."
Thiiiiiiiis..." all: Nigga.
[scattered cheers and applause]
We don't even--
It could be a butt-dial. We don't care.
Guess he's still thinking about me!
Hmm. I lost some friends in the pandemic.
Actually, some friends lost me.
[laughs]
'Cause you got to remind yourself
that you are somebody, too. audience: Yes.
- But I was trying to do things differently.
I was trying to do things differently
than what was modeled for me growing up.
'Cause growing up,
Nigerians, we don't really do conflict resolution well.
We've never met a conflict we actually wanted to resolve.
[chuckles] Nah, what we like to do--we banish.
Nigerians love a banish.
Yeah? Any Nigerians in here?
[cheers and applause] Yeah, so y'all already know.
Your mom be like, "I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever
"talk to that woman again, never, uh-uh.
"True to God, I will never talk to her.
If you see me talking to her, eh, I am dead."
Wait, what?
"It would be like I never knew her."
Well, y'all are twins, so...
you knew her at some point.
My mom got in one fight with my aunt,
and I ain't see my cousins for four years.
It just, "Oh, yeah. Everybody, get out.
"Go, go, go. You cannot play here.
Go, go, go."
Then they figured it out, and it was like,
"Okay, you can go back." Nigga, what?
Do you know how awkward of a reunion that was?
Hey, girl, so...
how was all of high school?
I'm in college asking them stupid questions
like, "So you did get your period?"
And when Nigerians get mad upset,
they do one of three things, right?
First they give you false hope.
They'll be like, "You know what?
"It's not your fault.
No, no, no. It's not your fault."
Let me tell you right now,
if they ever tell you it's not your fault,
it's most definitely your fault!
Like, they give you false hope.
Then they take false ownership.
"I don't blame you, mm.
I blame myself."
You already know.
"No, I blame myself."
Then they do false insults.
"It is because I'm a foolish goat.
"Yeah, that's why she thinks she can talk to me anyhow.
"Yeah, no, I blame myself.
"I'm a moo-moo. Yes, I'm a moo--
Moo, I'm a cow. I'm a moo-moo, that's why."
I'ma tell you right now, that woman that's having
that conversation by herself,
she's about to light up the village, okay?
[speaking native language]
So I was really trying to do something different
with my friend breakup.
I was like, you know, we gonna use our words, okay?
[sighs] So I went to her, and I was like, "Hey, girl.
"Something you did really bothered me,
and I'm hoping that we can talk about it."
And she goes,
"I feel like these are your issues, not mine."
You ever plan out a conversation in your head,
and you anticipate how it's gonna go?
I thought it was gonna be like, "Hey, girl.
Something you did really made me sad."
"Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!
'You and me must never part, Makidada.'"
That's how I saw it in my head.
So, obviously, you know,
I had to put some distance between us
and "Encanto" that ho.
♪ We don't talk about her, no, no ♪
All the people with kids-- "Oh, that's my song."
I mean, the more I thought about our friendship,
I was like, "This is stupid. I miss my friend."
So I went back to her a couple months later,
and I was like, "Girl, can we please just talk?"
Like, a white flag of surrender.
Literally, I just want to talk to you.
[sighs] And she said,
"I would find it very difficult to talk to you
without first getting an apology."
audience: Oh!
- It's not her fault. It's not her fault.
I blame myself
because I'm a foolish goat.
I'm the one that went back a second time.
[laughs]
So here's the thing--
when people know that you love God,
I think they think that that is the version of you
that's always existed. audience: Yes.
- Mm-mm, this New Testament Yvonne.
Okay?
Hey, there's an Old Testament ho bubblin'.
Just, "Quick, put me in, Coach.
What we doing?"
'Cause if you want to gaslight me, nigga, I got the propane.
Let's burn this whole thing down.
What? Boosh.
Everybody dies.
You ever be so mad, you start making up songs?
♪ This nigga got me twisted ♪
[chuckles]
In those moments, I promise you,
I understood people a lot better.
I was like, "Left Eye, I get it.
"I get it. The house was supposed to burn.
"You know what I'm saying?
What else were you supposed to do, okay?"
But if I'm being honest-- if I really take the time
to self-reflect and think about that friendship...
[sighs] And my part, the part that I played,
I ain't know I was me. I didn't.
'Cause when you don't know that you're you,
you let things slide that you shouldn't.
You give away a lot more of your power than you should.
And you let people create a version of you
that's most comfortable for them at your expense.
So...
This is a Bible study that's happening right now.
[laughs] I thought it was just me.
Y'all were like, "Can we pass the offering buckets
this way, please?"
But it hurt. It hurt.
But I learned that I need to hang with people
who make my nervous system feel safe.
You know what that is? Growth.
[applause]
I can't tell my mom, though. [sighs]
I just didn't need her encouragement.
"If it were me--" No, but it's not. It's not.
Come on back.
What's going on? Is this date night over here?
- No, we homeys. - Oh, you're homeys.
How long you been in love with him?
Just-just-just-- Baby, just tell the truth
and shame the devil-- you know you love him.
How'd y'all meet? both: Yoga.
- Yoga? - Hey.
[laughter and applause]
[giggles] Namaste, hey.
Hey, what's--stop, stop.
- [laughs]
- Okay. I'm not messing with y'all.
What I'm tired of hearing, though, is all the stuff
they tell women they shouldn't do
until they have a partner.
I'm sick of it.
When I bought my house,
I had women who I knew could afford their own house,
and they were like, "But, Yvonne, like,
"aren't you worried that, um, I don't know,
you might intimidate a guy who wants to date you?"
- Nope. - No.
- Uh...
not the guy who wants to date me.
[cheers and applause]
Okay?
The guy for me gonna roll up to my house and be like,
"Oh, this cute." [chuckles]
"I see what you doing with your little Carrara marble
"or whatever.
"Okay, you got views. That's cute.
So when you gonna let a real man upgrade you?"
Oh, my God. [giggles oddly]
Today.
Stop.
If you think I am going to pass up on equity
to protect a man's ego...
♪ Niggas got me twisted ♪
And I had a guy friend come to my house, too--
this platonic dude.
And he was just like,
"Yvonne, you know, I'm not gonna lie,
"if I was trying to date a woman, you know,
with all that you got--"
Square footage. [pops lips]
He was like, "I would wonder...
[sighs] What would she need from me?"
Nigga, to go half on this mortgage.
What?
To handle the gardener. What are you talking about?
You think I want to live with Ester forever?
And I blame us, ladies. I blame us. We let them.
We let them trick us with these songs.
They made us believe that it was nice
to be a strong Black woman.
There were like, "It's a badge of honor
to be a strong Black--" No.
♪ I-N-D-E-P-E-N-- ♪
Shut up! Shut up.
You better stop singing that.
I'm tired!
We're poisoning ourselves. We're believing the hype.
No, I don't want to be a strong Black woman.
I don't want to be a strong--
I'm a weak Black woman. Please.
Do you see? These songs are a setup.
♪ All the women who independent, throw your-- ♪
If you don't put your--
Put your hands down.
Other races get to be damsels in distress.
What do we get? We get "Waiting to Exhale."
What?
We got to wait to... [exhales sharply] Do that?
Nah, we need remixes.
♪ All my women who codependent ♪
'Cause I need to file some dependents
on my taxes next year, y'all.
Nah, there's no badge of honor for being a strong Black woman.
You don't get no badge. You know what we get?
Fibroids.
[indistinct chatter]
I'm tired. I'm tired.
I don't want to be strong anymore.
Whitney got y'all twisted. I'm not every woman.
It's not all in me.
It's a soft-girl summer, okay? Okay? That's what's up.
[chuckles]
I can't stand the double standard in dating, though.
I cannot.
Because two dudes can have the same conversation
two women have-- goes completely different.
Two dudes-- "Hey, fam, how was the date?"
Aw, man, it was cool. Nice vibes.
But I'm really not feeling her.
"A'ight. You want to go hoop?" Yeah, turn up.
Boom. Conversation's over.
Two women...
"Oh, my God, so how was the date?
Tell me everything."
It was cool. Vibe was nice.
But I don't know. I'm just not feeling him.
"Okay, but, like, like, what aren't you feeling?"
Oh, I mean, like, I wasn't attracted to him.
"Okay, like, like, what exactly were you not attracted to?"
Nigga, his face.
Like, the whole thing. [chuckles]
Then they start talking stupid and be like,
"Okay, well, I mean, I'm just saying, like,
attraction grows."
From what?
There's got to be a seed.
And why are we treating dating like it's a Chia Pet?
Ch-ch-ch-chia.
N-n-n-nigga. What are we doing?
No.
Then they hit you with this dumbness.
"I mean, I'm just saying-- I'm just saying,
"don't you think that maybe, just maybe
you're being a little too picky?"
[audience groans] [sighs]
Shouldn't you be...
about the person you want to procreate with?
Baby, I seen your kids. You should have been pickier.
[cheering]
Brrrap.
[dramatic music]
- Listen, Ms. Nwachukwu-- - It's "Wachukwu."
- My apologies. - The N is silent.
- Yeah, whatever.
You're facing the following charges--
being consistently picky... - Hmm.
- Having unreasonable standards...
- Okay. - And discriminating
against short men.
- My standards are not unreasonable.
Plus, I am everything I bring to the table.
Thank you very mu-- [gasps]
- Your wish list is 25 items long.
- Well, you should have seen the first draft.
- This isn't a damn Nollywood movie.
Foolish girl.
You're facing the rest of your young life alone.
15 years minimum.
- I can take it. - Take a seat.
- Sit--sit down.
He's crazy, but he's right, you know?
No one to hold you at night.
- [sighs]
- Or rub shea butter on the middle of your back.
I bet you your back is ashy right now, isn't it?
- [clears throat]
- It's probably itchy, too. - Mm.
- Mm-hmm. - [gasps, sighs]
- Yeah. - Nonye.
- What? - You remind me
of my stubborn daughter. - My wife.
- What? - So I'm willing to let you
plead to a lesser man.
Sure, he's not how your ridiculous idea
of soul mate.
But he's better than a roommate.
- Not interested.
I'm looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. A'ight.
And plus, my eggs are frozen solid.
I got time. - Time from where?
Time waits for no man.
- Time is not a social construct.
- We're giving you time. You pick it up
from your pocket - We sell you time.
- Um, please step away from my client, detectives.
- You got three hours to make a decision.
- Or I will throw outdoors your frozen eggs
and I will make a grand slam.
- Okay. - Omelet.
- I seen him do it. - All right.
- He's crazy. - Let's--thank you.
- Since when did believing in true love
become a jail sentence?
- Look, Nonye, I'm not saying that the charges are warranted,
but let's just try to keep an open mind
and explore our options.
Can we do that? - I guess.
- All right. Bring in the lesser charges.
Let's just have a look.
- Uh, number one, no.
Yeah, no.
Is he on his tippy-toes? Sir, I said goodbye.
- But you didn't even get... - Is he 5'6"?
- To hear him out. - 5'6"?
- He kind of short, though. - I can't do nothing with that.
- Yeah, that's true.
He kind of short. - He can't pick me up.
- What about number two? It says here
that he is thoughtful, compassionate, and God-fearing.
- Okay, I like that. - Yeah.
- But what's with the prison attire?
- Apparently he's serving actual time.
But on the bright side, at least you know where he at.
- Girl--Bye, bye, man.
- Well, okay, number three. Let's see--
- Says he's patient.
Ah, "sweeter than a ripe plantain."
I see you, boo.
Yeah, what else we got? - Oh.
- Oh, he drives a Range and owns a pharmacy?
See, okay, captain of industry. What is the catch?
Girl, please tell me there's none.
- None that I can see so far.
- [sighs] I love that.
Um, number three... [giggles oddly]
Can you just turn to the side for me?
- Let's see what he got. - Let me see
that booty working out. both: Oh.
- He got a little-- - Hold up, wait.
But who is Uzo? - Probably his mother.
You know the mama-boy types. - I do, I do.
- No, definitely his other wife.
- "Other"?
How many hos this polyamorous nigga got?
- Hey. You still can't decide?
How about I give you a taste
of what life is really like on the inside?
Nonye, come with me.
- Guessing you're not taking your plea, huh?
- What's it to you? [scoffs]
- Listen, I'm not trying to get all in your business.
I'm just offering some perspective.
- [sighs] - That's Iffy.
As in mad iffy on any guy who showed interest.
Now look at her, making toilet wine in her cell.
- [gulps] - Mm.
- Hey, you got to support Black-owned businesses.
That's Chandra. A legend.
Got charged with unreasonable standards.
12 years in, still maintains her innocence.
Would rather do life in solitary confinement
than settle.
- My kind of girl.
What's your deal? - Me?
[scoffs] I learned to give short niggas a chance.
[chuckles] Hey.
Lot of dudes 5'6" and under are great.
Salud.
- Ew. - Hey, babe.
- [grunting]
- Okay. - [chuckles]
- All right.
- [sighs, breathes deeply]
- Hey, they're ready for you.
- I know what they're doing, and I'm not gonna fall for it.
I'm not gonna be pressured to settle.
- You sure about this?
- Who you think ratted me out?
- I don't even know. - Nonye.
Nonye, take the plea deal.
It was your mother's one dying wish--
unless you want to kill her.
- Auntie Shola. I should have known.
- What about these two guys?
They have jobs, and they're very strong.
This one has muscles on his chest.
Young man, what's your zodiac sign?
Are you Sagittarius?
Ow!
- Solo traveling is a thing I did,
and people just was like, "You're going by yourself?
You're going by yourself? Like, well, what do you do?"
Whatever I want to do.
[cheers and applause]
It's how this works.
[chuckles] But I do have this, like, random trait
that I do on the plane whenever I travel.
I love watching the TV console
on the person next to me... [audience shouts]
With no headphones. [chuckles]
I just be here like this... [laughs]
That's wild. That's crazy.
I be getting mad when they get up to go to the bathroom.
Like, "Aw, that was my part."
[chuckles] Secretly I wish they would put
the subtitles on.
They only catch me, though, when we laugh at the same time.
I be like... [laughs] "Oh, damn."
[chuckles] "Can I get a pillow?"
[chuckles]
You know, in the last special,
I talked about how autopay was the flex.
Y'all remember that? That was the flex.
Well, there's levels to this, guys.
The new flex is estate planning.
You got to have a will.
Listen, if you have any furniture
that was not assembled at IKEA, you have an asset, okay?
You got to figure out who gets it.
There's a lot of people dying with no estate plan--
with no will.
Prince died. Prince!
No will.
All that money, where it going?
'Cause the reality is that you could not have a will,
but that money going somewhere.
You made a decision. The government's taking it all.
DMX died.
No will.
That hurt me. I'm not gonna lie.
DMX's death in the pandemic hurt my soul.
'Cause I realized we would never, ever get
the DMX, Kirk Franklin collabo takeover album.
Y'all know that would have been a club banger.
[imitating DMX] ♪ Melodies from Yonkers rain down-- ♪
Oh, come on.
♪ What they really want from me, Jesus? ♪
[normal voice] What?
[imitating DMX] ♪ Somebody let me know ♪
There was Judas, Bartholomew.
♪ Some punk about three kings ♪
[normal voice] Come on. Y'all know...
Y'all know that would have been the club banger.
Don't look at me like that.
You know the saddest part, though, about estate planning
as a single woman?
Is when they bring you all the paperwork...
And you got all the lines, and you realize,
"Huh.
I got nobody to leave my stuff to."
Do you know who inherits everything I have
in my untimely demise?
Nigga, my roommate, Ester, that's who.
Okay?
That's why she was cooking for me.
This ho was trying to get the big room.
Ah, diabetes, ah. [laughs]
It's what she was doing. She not slick.
Tried to estate-plan with my parents.
Ah.
That was... [sighs] Interesting.
'Cause African parents, they never like to talk
about stuff that's inevitable.
Death and sex-- It's gonna happen.
You know?
I was like, "Hey, Dad, we got to talk about your will."
"My will? So you want to kill me?"
No, but you will die. So have a seat.
[chuckles]
So I had to estate-plan with them.
I was like, "All right, Dad, what are our assets?"
[sighs] "Okay, okay. Okay, okay.
Okay, assets. Okay."
I was like, "Yo, you got one more 'okay'
before I think we not okay-- what are you doing?"
My dad does this thing where he has, like,
coded conversations.
You know who he's talking about by where his hand falls.
So he's like, "It is my wish
that all of my children move out."
Only one of us is in the house, dog.
Only one of us.
"And each of you get good jobs."
You're like, "All right. You're up."
And it's always wild,
because no matter how many siblings you have,
no matter how y'all grew up,
there's always one,
maybe two
that just have a alternate reality
of how they were raised.
I have a brother who believes in his heart
that he grew up like Tupac.
"'Cause, you know, it was hard growing up without a father."
I'm sorry, what? What do you mean?
"'Cause, you know, Daddy wasn't there."
Nigga, he's right there.
Yo, we have the same daddy. Like, what--
what do you mean?
"I don't know, sis. Maybe it was easier for you."
It wasn't. You went to college for free.
[chuckles]
I was like, "You can't be no thug.
We grew up on a cul-de-sac. What are you doing?"
There are no drive-bys in a circle.
Just... [imitating gunfire]
You just shot yourself. It's a ricochet bullet.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
It's crazy 'cause when they're all together--
when they're all together, you realize--
I mean, they're just sitting there
laughing, passing the gravy, eating chicken wings,
just enjoying life.
And then it hits you,
"They can be so carefree because they know
"that you know if anything happens,
it is all on me."
That's why they so happy.
They can eat carefree 'cause they know
it is all on me.
Please, nobody die.
I can't plan a funeral before a wedding.
Please!
The same brother who think he a thug,
he gonna come at me-- he's like, "Hey, sis.
"That's real wild. That's real wild.
"You really gonna leave everything to Ester
like you don't have no brothers."
You don't believe we have a father.
I can't trust you with my accounts.
Get out of here.
But I'm ready. I'm ready for partnership.
I am.
- All right, Yvonne, we've covered quite a lot of ground.
- We sure have.
- Resetting emotions, soothing your inner child,
and unpacking the external factors
to your trauma. - That was rough.
- Are there any other areas you'd like to tackle?
- Niggas. - [laughs]
[clears throat]
So you would like to discuss relationships?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Well, let's go inward.
Given the type of partner you desire,
would you date you?
- Oh, we asking hard questions off the top, okay.
Would I date me? [sighs]
- [sighs] I have five five-year plans,
and one of those includes becoming the youngest Nigerian
at Harvard Medical School.
And one day, somebody's gonna play me
in the Nollywood reboot of "Doogie Howser, M.D."
- [chuckles] Impressive.
No time for dating with that plan.
- Mm-mm.
The only thing I'm bustin' wide open
are these books. [bell dings]
Oh, my God. I'm almost late. I have to go to class.
Good luck!
- She gonna learn.
She about to be "Bamboozled by Jesus,"
available wherever books and audiobooks are sold.
[bell dings]
- I mean, I guess you could say I'm still single
'cause the traditional path just wasn't for me.
I mean, I already wasn't pressured
into becoming a doctor,
so I sure as heck ain't gonna be pressured
into getting married just for the sake
of having a party. [chuckles] No.
Have you met me? - I understand.
So what does love look like for you?
Man, I want a love that's so, so def--
like that Bow Wow and Ciara. - Oh.
- That Jermaine Dupri and Janet Jackson.
[squeals] What?
I want a forever kind of love like Bill and Camille.
- Ooh. Who gonna tell her?
- Tell me what? - Nothing. Just--
[bell dings] - Oh, I got to go.
- Your baby hairs is poppin'.
Mm. - [sighs]
What up? Oh, am I going? Okay.
Five years from now, I better be on and poppin',
'cause I should have already popped five years ago.
I can't even think about a relationship right now,
'cause the only thing I can bring to the table is
some Tupperware.
Oh, the food is still free here, right?
- Yeah. Here's a tip. Invest in Bitcoin.
- Bitcoin?
I ain't even got real coins, fam.
- Ugh, this some trash. [bell dings]
- [groans]
- Dang. Those were some rough years.
Mama, I made it. [bell dings]
Wait.
We're married and pregnant? - Mm-hmm.
- We got the whole package, too.
Husband, two kids, and a dog.
- Wait, dog? I hate dogs.
- Not no more.
- What? Who is this man?
And does he lay it down? - Like a flatiron.
[bell dings] - [squealing]
Look at us.
We really softened up and got the bag.
[chuckles]
See, I would date this version of me.
Them other mes was scruggly, girl.
- Nah, girl, them other yous paved the way for me.
When we stopped thinking
that being strong was our superpower,
we found strength in our vulnerability.
And that's actually what attracted D to us.
Oh, D is our husband.
Oh, speaking of which,
I got to go pick up the cake for his 50th.
And traffic on Mars is about to be stupid right now.
Ooh. [groans]
This baby got my sciatica acting up.
- Wait, what?
- Oh, yeah. That back pain? It never left us.
- No, not that.
Five years from now, we on Mars?
- Yeah. Earth been trash. Where you been?
[clicks tongue] - You ain't never lied.
Okay, but wait, before you go,
does the D stand for, like, Dexter or DeMarcus?
- Closer. - Okay, Derulo? Donsoon?
- Definitely not. - Dante?
- Mm-mm. - Demilola?
Girl, give me something.
I can't just be out here just saying "D" names.
Who am I looking for?
Oh, I'm sorry.
[whispering] Who am I looking for?
[bell dings]
What I don't like about dating, though,
is trash nigga best friend syndrome.
I don't like it. I don't like it.
I know there's a good dude here.
You seem like a good dude. What's your name again?
- Brian. - Brian?
That's a good-dude name.
It don't get better than Brian--Y or I.
Brian. Both options are good.
But, Brian, if I was like,
"Yo, I know you taken, but do you have any friends
that you could introduce me to?"
what would you say, Brian?
- [mouthing words] - Nah.
Every time you ask a dude, what they say?
"I wouldn't even do that to you, shorty.
"I wouldn't even do that to you, nah, nah, nah.
"I care about you too much. I can't--nah, nah.
"You don't want none of my friends.
Them niggas is trash."
Then why are they your friends?
Why are they-- "I care too much about--"
Don't you care about you?
And they always have a stupid reason.
A stupid reason for why they're friends.
"Well, you know, in eighth grade,
"I was getting jumped, and he jumped in to help me.
And, you know, we've been together ever since."
Nigga, what?
He did you a favor once and now he's your best man?
This is stupid!
Because everybody know--
Like, fellas, if you go to a lady and you're like,
"Yo, do you have any friends?"
We're like, "Psh, pick one." It's a Rolodex.
How you like 'em--Black, Puerto Rican, or Haitian?
Slim, thick, take your pick.
"I wouldn't even do that to you, shorty.
I wouldn't even do that."
Do better, Brian.
I pranked my parents.
[chuckles]
I sent them the picture
of me as Molly from season five.
The one--
But, like, I just sent it to the family group chat
with no context.
And I was like, "Mom and Dad, congratulations are in order."
I have never seen a WhatsApp call
come from Nigeria so quick.
"Yvonne, what is the meaning of this nonsense?
"What do you mean? No, no, tell me now.
Shut up. I will slap you. What do you mean?"
I'm like--just like, "Do you want me to talk?"
"Who did you tell your father that you are marrying?"
And I was like, "No. It's from the show."
Here go my dad.
"You got married to someone on the show?
Who? Jay Ellis?" - No.
I got a joke gone bad.
My sister-in-law called me.
She was like, "Girl, you had Mom and Dad shook."
I was like, "I know. They was trippin'."
She was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They thought you got married to a woman."
Wait, what?
She said, "Yeah, Mom called me like,
'You know, we have always suspected as much.'"
Always suspected as much? Since when?
"You know, that relationship with Ester has been
something I don't understand."
[cheers and applause]
You took it to Ester?
And I knew I shook 'em 'cause my mom called me
not too long after, and she was like,
"Okay, Yvonne. I have been talking
"to your father, and we have...
"we have determined that the man
does not even have to be Nigerian."
I was like, "Ooh, you talking spicy now."
My whole childhood in one picture, gone, okay.
[chuckles] And then she was like,
"In fact, he does not even have to be Black."
I said, "Oh, you talking reckless now.
What's going on?"
[laughs]
But there are a lot of Black women dating others.
There are, you know? Eve.
Like, yo, Eve used to be a Ruff Ryder.
- Right, right.
- Now she is a smooth sailor.
Okay? She was the illest vicious pit bull in a skirt.
- Okay.
- Now she's a poodle in a Birkin.
Her name not even Eve no more. It's Evelyn.
But I just don't like the jump.
I don't like the quantum leap--ah--
that people make from just, like, Black
to, ah, white.
'Cause there's a spectrum, y'all.
There's a spectrum.
There's Afro-Latinos.
- Hey, yo. - Okay.
[speaking Spanish] [vocalizes]
There's Samoans. - Hey!
- Some of y'all are like, "I thought those were
Girl Scout cookies." No.
Those are people, a race of people.
Or Asians. There's options. There's a spectrum.
I just know my--
I feel like my friends are really, really ready
for me to get married, y'all,
'cause I'm getting weird gifts now.
I'm getting real weird gifts.
This is a gift that I got.
Thank you. This--
[sighs] This is a gift I got for my birthday.
This--
[cheers and applause]
Y'all see this?
This is--
It's a rose quartz wand.
It's just a chunk of crystal, guys.
It's not what you think it is.
It's just crystal. [laughs]
The whole crowd was like, "Whoa!
What kind of friends do you have?"
Are you familiar? The whites, are you familiar?
They're like, "Yes, very.
"Let's just see what she's gonna do with it.
Let's just see!"
[laughs]
It's a rose quartz wand. My friend gave it to me.
She was like, "What you want to do--
"you want to charge it with the full moon
"and then place it on your aura
and see what energy's activated."
What instructions are these?
What body part is my aura?
I know elbow. I don't know aura.
What is--
And how do I know if it's charged?
Okay?
Does it work on a crescent moon?
Where's the USB? There's no USB.
What's happening?
I have so many questions. Like, why is it pink?
She's Black, but she's married to a white man.
So maybe this is all she's ever known.
I don't know.
Like, where's the amber quartz? Is there no amber quartz?
I have tons of questions, guys.
Oh, but it's so cooling.
Oh, my God, it is--ooh.
Just--it's, like, oh, my God, it's--
[sighs]
It's very cool. You want to hold it?
Oh, hold it. I haven't used it. I don't know how to use it.
It's fine. Here you go. It's heavy, right? It's he--
You passed it along? What is this?
[laughs] Give me back--
He was like, "Oh, it's show and tell.
You know, take it and pass it along."
Oh...
But I am ready, you know?
Jesus needs to hurry,
'cause He got till Labor Day.
[chuckles]
I'm finna be somebody's wife, okay?
I mean, I made a vow when I was 17.
I was like, "Lord, I will wait for You.
Lord, I will wait. You have a foot soldier in me."
You say a lot of things when you're 17.
You know what I mean?
You say things like, "Quiero Taco Bell."
Do you mean that?
My prayers are a little different.
At 17, I was like, "Yes, Lord." [giggles]
20 years later, I'm like,
"Hey, fam, what's good?"
"Like"--[chuckles]
"'Cause aah...amen."
That's my prayer. That's--
"Aah, amen." That's--
that's all the words I got for You, Jesus.
But I think the church has done a little disservice,
'cause I think, yeah, sure, you can be like,
"You know, I'll just wait."
But, like, do you have any more information?"
Make it, like, a little bit more well-rounded,
more holistic,
'cause I don't want to get to my wedding night
and be shocked.
I don't want to be shocked like,
"They sucking balls now?"
You know what I'm saying? I don't--
I want to be informed.
I want to be like, "Hey, how are you?
"Yeah. Party was amazing, right?
"Oh, my God...[chuckles] Everybody was there, yeah.
"Okay, but--so I understand
"that there is a level of ball suckage...
"that's desired, yeah.
"Is this a thing that you desire? Okay.
"It is. Okay, all right.
"Does it bring you joy?
It does. Okay."
[sighs]
Well, guys, looks like I found my new hobby.
[cheers and applause]
Hey, LA, y'all been amazing.
God bless you, LA!
Y'all been an amazing audience!
[cheers and applause continue]
I got some very special people in the audience today--
my mom and dad.
[cheers and applause]
My mom and dad.
Chifa, Lola--Mrs. Celine Orji,
Mr. Michael Chugalo Orji in the audience today.
I love you guys so much.
LA, y'all been an amazing audience.
God bless you.
[cheers and applause]
- Well, I must say, I am very proud of you.
- You are? - I am.
You have done the hard work
even when your enough-ness was challenged.
- We should have lunch sometime.
- No, I can't do that. It's against the law.
- Oh. So I guess this is it, too?
[Afrobeat music]
- [singing in native language]
♪ ♪
[bright tone]