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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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-♪ Pum pa ra rum
-♪ Pum pa ra rum

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-♪ Pum pa ra rum
-♪ Paa

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ANNOUNCER: Raise your glasses
for Zane Lamprey.

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[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

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♪ La la la la la

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-♪ La la la
-♪ La la la la la

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-♪ La la la la ♪
-♪ La la la la la la ♪

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All right, all right, all right.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you.

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-All right, mabuhay.
-AUDIENCE: Mabuhay!

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Wow, fantastic.

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So, traveling around the world

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has an effect on you,

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and anybody here
who's traveled internationally

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knows exactly
what I'm talking about.

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You can't go to another country
and not appreciate

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the way that they live,
their culture, their traditions,
their way of life.

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But also at the same time,
appreciate how good we have it.

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So while shooting the shows
that I've done, Three Sheets,

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Drinking Made Easy,
Chug, Four Sheets,

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I've been able to experience
so... so many cultures.

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And I've drank in 71 countries,

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-Seventy-one.
-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

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Seventy-two
if you count the Vatican.

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-But... [CHUCKLES]
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

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...there I just had
a little sip of wine

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and the cutest
little piece of toast.

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And then I ate it
and I was still hungry, right?

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So, I go back in the line
and get back up to the front.

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And the guy told me
that you can't have seconds,

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which I told him I didn't
think was very Christian.

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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

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Uh, let's see, coolest place.

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The coolest place
I've ever drank was Tanzania,

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Tanzania, Africa.

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[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

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Tanzanians are here.
Thank you for coming.

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-[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
-It's never happened.

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Uh, I got to sit down
and drink with the chief
of the Maasai tribe.

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Now I sat down and drank
with this guy.

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This guy has 30 wives.

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30 beautiful, beautiful ladies

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at his disposal 24/7,
to remind him

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-that he's an idiot,
because marriage...
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

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Hey, listen, if you're with
your wife, don't laugh at that.

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It's not...
That wasn't for you.

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Most expensive drink I ever had
was in, uh, Scotland.

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There, I was drinking
with the master distiller
at Glenfiddich,

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and we're working our way
up the Scotch ladder.

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We have the 12-year-old,
the 15, the 25-year-old Scotch,

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and he's like,
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT]
"You know what?

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Hold on one second,
I'll be right back."

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[IN NORMAL VOICE]
He goes back in the office,
goes into the safe

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and pulls out a $10,000 bottle

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of 50-year-old Scotch.

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-[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]
-Brings it out in this
beautiful bottle

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and he poured it.
It looked amazing
and it smelled fantastic,

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and we drank it
and it tasted like...

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Scotch.

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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

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I don't know. I don't know
what you guys want there.

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Um. Oh, it tasted like
Jesus peeing in my mouth.

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-But well, the old Jesus
not baby.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

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You know what?
I'm not helping out
this situation better.

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But, you know, look, it's like,
look, did it taste better?

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I don't know.
It tasted different.

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But I think we have
this fascination with,

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the older it is, the more time
it spends in a barrel,

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the better it is,
the more expensive it is.

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I don't know
if that's just marketing or,
or if it's actually true.

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Like, I had the 25-year-old,
it was good.

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The 50-year-old, it was good.

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It just tasted a little bit
older than the 25-year-old.

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It's like my buddy is like,
"Zane, if you like my sister,

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you got to meet my grandmother
because...

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[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

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She... She's a...
She's old...
She's an old lady.

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And she has trouble
with the stairs and she
sleeps in the cellar

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-and she smells like old wood,
and I think you'd like her.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

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So I'm just saying,
throwing it out.

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Ah, most drinks I ever had
in one day was in Moscow.

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Moscow, Russia,
and we're there shooting
an episode of Three Sheets.

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Now, when shooting
Three Sheets , we'd be there
for about four days.

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On the last day,

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we had a lot of shoots to do,
always on the last day.

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So in the morning, uh,
we went to this bathhouse.

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I drank with these guys.

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We drank vodka,
while we sat in a sauna,

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and they hit me
with a leafy branch,

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which they told me
was a tradition.

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I don't think
it was a tradition.

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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

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I just think it was two
drunk Russian guys

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walking to work in the morning
drunk from the night before,

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like, [IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"Hey, when America gets here,

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why don't we hit him
with [CLICKS TONGUE]
leafy branch?"

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[IN NORMAL VOICE]
In the, in the afternoon,
I went and had samogon,

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which is a Russian moonshine.
Drank a bunch of that.

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And then the evening,
I went to drink
with our translator

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at his apartment,
and his friends.

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Now, we get to this apartment.

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It's one of those Communist
tenement buildings

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that looked the same
for miles and miles.

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No elevator, just stairs,
walked all the way
to the top floor.

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And we're not shooting
in his apartment.

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We're shooting in this
apartment across the hall

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that they'd broken into,
that had been condemned
for decades.

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-Decades.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

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Broken floorboards,
taped-up windows,

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a painting of Stalin
still on the wall,

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electricity coming in
from an extension cord

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from their apartment
to a very small space heater.

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It was like, it was like
if Property Brothers

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were renovating an apartment
and all they had
to work with was tetanus.

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I want to sort of paint
a picture of it.

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So I go in and we sit down
at this crappy table

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with five mismatched chairs,
me and four Russian guys.

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And we crack open a bottle
of Putinka vodka.

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Putinka vodka.
[MIMICS BOTTLE OPENING]

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Open it up and we
pour out the shots

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and we have the first shot.
And we say na zdrowie.

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AUDIENCE: Na zdrowie.

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And then... we start to drink.

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To get the conversation going,
as is my job,

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I tell these guys that I heard
that it's a tradition

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when you open a bottle
of vodka in Moscow,
in Russia, with friends,

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that you finish it.

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And this young guy at the table,
maybe he's 23 years old.

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He's like,
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"This is a bullshit.

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00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:54,623
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
-"This is a bullshit.

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"I don't know where
you're hearing this.

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"Maybe you're watching
too many American
movies about Russia.

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"No, we're not
all wearing furry hats.

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"And doing the crazy dancings
and then drinking
bottle of vodka to empty.

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"This is bullshit guy.
This is bullshit."

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[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I'm like, "Okay, you get
the next shot because

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"you're not being very funny."

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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

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And then we sat around
and we got to know each other

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and we talked and we laughed.

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And we had an amazing time
until the bottle was empty

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because it is a tradition.

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Big deal. It's okay.

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Traditions are great.

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Now at this point,
Christina, the producer,

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she comes around behind
the table and she's like,

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"Hey, how do you feel
about that?" I'm like,
"That was great."

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She's like, "Yeah, I think
we're, uh, we're wrapped.
That was a great scene."

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I'm like, "Yeah, this
is a great way to end the show."

153
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And I hear behind me...

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[MIMICS BOTTLE OPENING]

155
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,174
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

156
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They opened another
bottle of vodka.

157
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So, decision time.

158
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I can rest on the fact
that, look, we just shot
an amazing scene

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at the end
of an incredible episode.

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I can wake up tomorrow
with probably not the worst
hangover I've ever had, or...

161
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:06,277
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

162
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:12,409
Or, I could embrace the fact
that I'm in Moscow
in the dead of winter,

163
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,245
in this shithole
Communist tenement apartment

164
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:19,582
with four drunk Russians
well on their way to trouble,
so I fucking stayed.

165
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:22,961
-Oh, I stayed. Of course I did.
-[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

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Absolutely.

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So we start drinking
from that second bottle,

168
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and that young guy, he's like,
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"Hey, I will get something.

169
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"I'll be right back."

170
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,931
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Leaves the apartment,
comes back two minutes later,

171
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,183
kicks open the door,
[MIMICS KICKING DOOR]

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00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:40,937
holding above his head
a Kalashnikov, a machine gun.

173
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:47,777
And he sees the look on my face
like, "Oh, this is how it ends."

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00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,654
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

175
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:52,949
He goes, [IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"Guys, don't worry.
This old Soviet gun."

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00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,076
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Here's the thing, though.

177
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,036
The predecessor
to the Kalashnikov

178
00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:01,332
was the AK-47, invented in 1947.

179
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:05,211
The Kalashnikov,
also known as the AK-74,

180
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,964
was invented in 1974.

181
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:12,719
This gun is younger than me,
but he's wielding it like
a fucking Civil War musket.

182
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,262
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

183
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:17,056
or a club that cavemen
would use to hunt women,

184
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:21,060
or the promise of fame
that Kevin Spacey would use
to hunt young men.

185
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,645
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

186
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:26,191
[AUDIENCE BOOING AND CHEERING]

187
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:28,735
What, is he from here
or something? Jesus.
Fuck that guy.

188
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,822
And he hands it to me.

189
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,824
He forces his gun into my hand.

190
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,452
And look, I'm not used
to handling heavy artillery.

191
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:40,121
-I'm not from Orange County,
so I don't...
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

192
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,668
[AUDIENCE LIGHTLY APPLAUDS]

193
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,004
I'm not from Orange County
in any state, by the way,

194
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,464
just to clarify that.

195
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:53,551
And so I'm like, okay, great.
I'm holding this, um...

196
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,011
"Is it loaded?"

197
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,471
He goes, [IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"No, of course not loaded.

198
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,848
"I'm not going to hand you
a loaded machine gun, okay."

199
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,559
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I'm like, "Oh God, yeah. Sorry.
Fucking idiot."

200
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,730
"So, so I can, I can,
I can pull the trigger?"

201
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,690
He's like,
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"Well, um...

202
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,901
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

203
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:13,071
"maybe, maybe
don't pull trigger.
Sometimes bullet gets stuck."

204
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:15,949
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
"What the fuck
are you talking about?

205
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:20,078
"Maybe? So you handed me
what is possibly
a loaded machine gun

206
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:23,206
"as we're sitting here
getting loaded on our
second bottle of vodka?"

207
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:26,292
And this old guy sitting
next to me leans in,
and he goes,

208
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,753
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"A Kalashnikov like woman.

209
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:32,632
"She probably not mad at you,
but why ask to find out?"

210
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,425
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

211
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,764
[IN NORMAL VOICE, LAUGHS] Right?

212
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,599
Gentlemen, you are welcome.

213
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,601
You are welcome.

214
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,312
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

215
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,234
So I'm sitting there drinking
this second bottle of vodka.

216
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,988
Me holding a fucking
machine gun on my lap.

217
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,532
And when we were done,
that young guy,

218
00:10:57,532 --> 00:11:01,870
who was all worried about
Russian stereotypes,
ends up with a furry hat on

219
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,246
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

220
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:04,914
and a bra.

221
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,833
I don't even know
where that came from.
That's not important.

222
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,752
Doing that dance where
they fold their arms
and drop down and pop back up.

223
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,629
-ZANE: You know what
I'm talking about?
-AUDIENCE: Yeah.

224
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:15,008
I'm not going to do it.
That is the easiest way
to tear your perineum.

225
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,634
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

226
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:22,891
If you guys don't know
where your perineum is,

227
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:25,018
have your friend
touch your perineum.

228
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,898
Ooh! Oh thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, Kevin.

229
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,442
I was wondering about that.

230
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,403
I was at a show in Phoenix
and this lady in the front row

231
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,530
reached over and touched
her friend on the knee.

232
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,240
I was like, "You think that
that's her perineum?"

233
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,993
And she's like, "Yes."
I go, "Well, it ain't."

234
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,828
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

235
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,292
And there are still
some people in here

236
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,669
that have no idea what
we're talking about.
But that's okay.

237
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,255
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
-That's part of it.

238
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:57,759
So he comes back after doing
this very impressive,

239
00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,469
very impressive athletic dance.

240
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,012
And he comes back. He's like,

241
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:03,848
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"Hey... hey, did you
pull trigger?"

242
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,892
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I'm like, "No, I didn't pull
the trigger. You said not to."

243
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,686
He goes, [IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
Well, we're on top floor,
I think.

244
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:09,854
Just aim ceiling.

245
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,356
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

246
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,441
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh, yeah.
Just shoot up there, right?

247
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,652
I don't... Yeah.
What's the big deal?

248
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,488
I don't have to... have to...

249
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:21,824
just that...
[MIMICS CLICK SOUND] Ah.

250
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,160
He goes,
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"Hold on. I get bullet."

251
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,662
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

252
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,914
And that is why in Russia
you stop at two bottles

253
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,541
because I don't need to know
where that train was going.

254
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:33,920
[CHEERS AND APPLAUDING]

255
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,589
So, [CHUCKLES]

256
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,342
the next day I wake up
with a hangover, of course,

257
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:42,762
but, it wasn't the worst
hangover I can remember.

258
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,724
The worst hangover
that I can remember
was when we went to Miami

259
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,601
to shoot an episode
of Drinking Made Easy.

260
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,770
And we go down there.

261
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,814
Uh, my wife,
she produced the show.

262
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:55,274
And so we went down there
a day before the crew

263
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,944
because a friend of ours
was having a party.

264
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,446
And a lot of people
know my wife, Mel.

265
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,074
-Either you follow her
on social media.
-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

266
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:07,370
She produced our show.
She rescues animals.
She's absolutely amazing.

267
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,872
But truth be told,
I was married briefly...

268
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,666
I've been married to Mel
for 10 years,

269
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,293
but I was married briefly
before I married Mel.

270
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:18,423
But when I married Mel,
I realized I could be with
someone who was smart

271
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,634
and funny and beautiful
and supportive

272
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,720
and just an amazing partner.

273
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,555
You know what I mean?

274
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,306
-If you're one of these people,
you understand.
-[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

275
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,767
But it makes me wonder...

276
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:32,020
What's my third wife
going to be like? Because...

277
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,063
-It's very big...
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

278
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:35,815
Wow.

279
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:42,238
I mean, she hasn't been
born yet, but I don't think
that that's part of...

280
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,115
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

281
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,286
[AUDIENCE WHISTLING]

282
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,663
Let me tell you how well
that joke did in Tampa.

283
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,622
Whoa!

284
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,250
Whoa!

285
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,170
Somebody threw his teeth at me.
That's how upset he was.

286
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,379
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

287
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:07,305
Oh. You know, think about Mel.
Look, she, she is amazing.

288
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:12,226
And I know that when people
tell me that I'm batting
out of my league, that's fine.

289
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,562
But please don't tell her that.

290
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,147
She doesn't need to know that.

291
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,066
You know, she's so amazing.

292
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:21,069
She produced our shows,
and when we were shooting,
Drinking Made Easy,

293
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,905
uh, she actually had
three back surgeries
during that time,

294
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,406
didn't miss any,
any work.

295
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:29,160
But the, the first
two surgeries didn't take.

296
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,705
So she needed to get
a third back surgery,
and this one was more invasive.

297
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,751
She actually had to have
some hardware
attached to her spine.

298
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:39,420
It was about four years ago.
She's recovering fantastically,

299
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,423
but after it happened,
she needed to spend some time

300
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,717
in the hospital,
a few days to recover.

301
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,677
And then to be, you know,
under observation.

302
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,930
So of course,
I was with her the entire time.

303
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:53,810
I didn't leave her side
because, you know,
there's no bars in hospitals.

304
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,062
-But... I checked, I checked.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

305
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,647
You don't have to look it up.

306
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:01,109
And... and we were visited by

307
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:04,445
the surgeon and the doctors
and the nurses

308
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:07,615
and the physical therapists
and the occupational therapists.

309
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:11,244
And the occupational therapist's
job is to teach Mel

310
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:15,289
how to go about everyday life
while protecting her back.

311
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:19,043
You know? Because, yeah,
because the laundry
was piling up. Exactly.

312
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:22,004
-That's right. That's right.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

313
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,257
You didn't say it,
but you thought it
and I appreciate that.

314
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,050
It was very modern of you.

315
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,262
The occupational therapist
goes through this whole thing.

316
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:33,057
After about 15 minutes,
she's done, and she goes,

317
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,184
[MIMICS FEMALE VOICE]
"I like to tell couples

318
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:40,940
"that it's okay if you want me
to discuss, uh, intimacy,"

319
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,608
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
And my wife,
she didn't say a word.

320
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,360
She just gave me this look.
I know this look.

321
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,821
It's, [MIMICS FEMALE VOICE]
"If you let her discuss intimacy

322
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,531
"I will murder you
while you sleep."

323
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:49,490
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

324
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,786
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
No, we don't need
to discuss intimacy.

325
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,540
We're married.
We don't do that anymore.

326
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,499
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

327
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,753
That was more
of the courting process.

328
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,631
Or at least,
please don't do this.
Please stop.

329
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,466
She's like,
[MIMICS FEMALE VOICE]
"Okay, okay, okay.

330
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,135
"Well, I'll just
give you my spiel."

331
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,720
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh, you're going
to do it anyway. That's awesome.

332
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,680
Thanks for that.

333
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,851
She said, [MIMICS FEMALE VOICE]
"I like to tell people
that physical touch

334
00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:20,354
"can often be replaced
by a tender look."

335
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,941
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

336
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,611
I'm gonna say it again because
I wrote it down when I heard it.

337
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:31,282
Specifically to share
with you guys, she said,

338
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:36,162
[MIMICS FEMALE VOICE]
"Physical touch can be replaced
by tender looks."

339
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,081
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What the fuck are you
talking about? Are you even...

340
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,833
Like, what does that mean?

341
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,378
Like what? Like Mel and I,
we'd be home, you know,
a month later,

342
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:47,882
and she's recovering
fantastically and we're
sharing a bottle of wine.

343
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,509
It's a Saturday night,
listening to some music,

344
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,470
And I was like, "Hey, Mel,
you want to go upstairs?"

345
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,722
And she's like,
[MIMICS FEMALE VOICE]
"No."

346
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,140
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm like, why?
Just come on, let's go to the
bedroom, you know, whatever.

347
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,642
And she's like,
[MIMICS FEMALE VOICE]
"No."

348
00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,810
And then she just flashes me
a tender look, and I'm like,

349
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,688
"Whoop, that is awesome.
That's fantastic."

350
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:06,692
Wow, I'm going to go
get a head start
on next year's taxes

351
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:10,988
because I feel very
clear-headed about everything.

352
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:15,076
Or maybe, or maybe it's like
two years later, I forgot about
this whole thing,

353
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:16,911
and I'm at a party
over in the corner,

354
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,121
talking to some of my friends
about something serious.

355
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,040
And Mel, she just wants
to mess with me.

356
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,251
So she just gives me
a tender look and I'm like,

357
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,210
Ooh! [CHUCKLES]

358
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,463
"Guys, I'll be right back.

359
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:30,049
"This is, uh...
this is awkward."

360
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:36,639
Miami. We get down to Miami
and we go to this party.

361
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,600
Guy Fieri is having a big party
and we go there.

362
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,811
And we go on the front door,
and the first thing we do,

363
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,729
is Guy just puts a shot
in my hand.

364
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,523
And boom, we're off
to the races.

365
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:49,360
And, uh, Mel reminds me
we have a tradition.

366
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,445
The first morning...
We go to Miami a lot.

367
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:55,783
And the first morning,
we wake up in Miami, we go
and have a Cuban breakfast.

368
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,493
So she's like,
"Don't forget about breakfast."

369
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,203
I'm like, "No, I'm good."
She's like, "Great."

370
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,080
So she's hanging with us.
She's drinking,

371
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:05,209
but she's pacing herself
and I'm doing laps around her.

372
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:09,422
And look, I'm not going to say
that I drank too much,

373
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,633
but I did wake up on the floor
of the hotel bathroom

374
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,885
hugging the toilet
at 10:00 in the morning,

375
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:18,180
with my wife standing above me
with a cup of coffee.

376
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,308
[MIMICS FEMALE VOICE]
Can you be ready
to go in 10 minutes?

377
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,310
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

378
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:27,565
No.

379
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,234
Can you...

380
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,987
Can you bring people back
from the dead in 10 minutes?

381
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:40,536
So, she made me
an appointment at one of those
hangover IV places.

382
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:44,624
Now here's the thing,
hangovers are caused
by dehydration.

383
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,792
But you can drink
as much water as you want,

384
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,211
take as many electrolytes
as your body can handle,

385
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,756
but your body
only absorbs 10% of it.

386
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,466
That's it. 10%.

387
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:57,261
But an IV bag, filled with
saline water and vitamins,

388
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,263
injected directly
into your bloodstream,

389
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:02,224
and your body absorbs
100% of all of it.

390
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,061
So an hour after I was saying
my last rites

391
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:07,563
on the bathroom floor
of the Fontainebleau Hotel,

392
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,775
I'm having shots, mojitos
and Cuban sandwiches
in Little Havana.

393
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:11,984
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

394
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,611
Yeah! Fuck yeah.

395
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,785
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

396
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:24,914
It has been an absolute
privilege to be able
to shoot the shows

397
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,707
that I've done,
to be able to go around

398
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:29,835
and visit so many countries
and so many breweries.

399
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,171
It is a privilege
and an honor to be
in front of you guys tonight.

400
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,589
So thank you so much
for being here.

401
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:34,757
Most sincerely.

402
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:35,841
Thank you.

403
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,594
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

404
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:40,304
Thank you.

405
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:47,144
Wow, that's good Bruery beer.

406
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:50,147
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

407
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,317
Contractually, I was obligated
to do that.

408
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,276
Um...

409
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,114
These guys. I love their beer.

410
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:01,283
When they first started,
I was like, "Yeah, what you
gonna call your brewery?

411
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:02,785
"There's so many
different things."

412
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,370
And they're like, "We're gonna
call it The Bruery."

413
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:08,165
I'm like, "Damn.
Damn, that is intense."

414
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:09,542
"But we're
going to spell it wrong."

415
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,584
That's confusing.

416
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:14,630
That is going to confuse people.

417
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,549
I don't think you guys
are going to make it a year.

418
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,467
So, they're fine.
They're fine.

419
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,511
So what do we learn there?
Number one.

420
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:24,932
Don't try to outdrink Guy Fieri.
He's got the sunglasses,
on the back of his head.

421
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,684
You don't know
if he's coming or going.

422
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,102
He's literally
drinking on a boat.

423
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,646
What the fuck is this sorcery?
How...

424
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,356
I panicked.
I panicked.

425
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,858
I panicked and I drank too much.

426
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,651
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

427
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:39,572
Number two, an IV
can erase the mistakes
of the previous night.

428
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:43,576
Except for perhaps,
running along the beach,

429
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,162
uh, back to the hotel
at 4:00 a.m.,

430
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:48,080
naked,

431
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,709
trying to catch Guy Fieri
to give him a tender look.

432
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,711
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
-So...

433
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:56,505
I will just say this,

434
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,550
uh, with all due respect,
that man is fast
when he needs to be.

435
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:00,593
That's all I'm going to say.

436
00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,803
Wow.

437
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,221
So people ask me all the time.

438
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:05,931
They say, "Zane,
what's your favorite?

439
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,641
"What's your favorite
hangover cure?

440
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:09,143
"You've had so many
different hangover cures
all over the world."

441
00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:12,062
And I said, "That's it.
The IV. That's the only cure."

442
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:13,772
The only thing
to wipe it out completely.

443
00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,024
I've had remedies.

444
00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:16,859
You know, things that
mitigate the symptoms,

445
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:19,653
lessen the severity
of the hangover.

446
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:22,740
Like, for example,
I was in, uh, Mexico

447
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:26,368
and to get rid of the hangover,
uh, I had spicy food,

448
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:30,164
which is the only time
I had to run to the bathroom
to do a number three.

449
00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:31,123
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

450
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,045
It's the one that burns.
It's either three or seven.

451
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:38,756
I'm not really sure
of the numbers of them.

452
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:41,467
When I was in Denmark,
they told me

453
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,511
to jump into the fjord.

454
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:46,430
Now, it's February.
It is 10 degrees out.

455
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:49,683
The fjord,
the bay is 20 degrees

456
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:52,561
and they said,
"Get naked and jump in,"
and I did it.

457
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,605
I got naked,
jumped in the fjord,

458
00:21:54,605 --> 00:21:56,357
still had my hangover,

459
00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:58,859
couldn't find my genitals.

460
00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:02,530
-So that's not,
that's not good for people.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

461
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:04,990
That's not helpful.

462
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:08,744
When I went to Peru,
on the way to Machu Picchu,

463
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:11,121
there's a place
called the Sacred Valley.

464
00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:15,417
And there I sat down
with a medicine woman, a shaman,

465
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:19,088
and in this ceremony
she took a long, thin stick.

466
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,631
She burned the end of a stick.

467
00:22:20,631 --> 00:22:23,842
And she gave me
five cigarette burns on my arm.

468
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:28,013
And put frog poison
inside those wounds.

469
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:32,142
So after a few moments,
my body absorbed this poison

470
00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:35,938
and my body thought
that I had just ingested

471
00:22:35,938 --> 00:22:37,398
a poison frog.

472
00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:40,943
So I became violently ill
and I threw up uncontrollably

473
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:45,864
for an hour and a half,
which made me realize that
my hangover wasn't that bad.

474
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:48,659
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

475
00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:56,083
One time I got a splinter.

476
00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:58,502
"I said to my friend Nick,
I'm like, "Hey, can you help me
with this splinter?"

477
00:22:58,502 --> 00:23:00,838
He's like, "Sure."
Kicked me in the balls.

478
00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:02,923
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

479
00:23:02,923 --> 00:23:05,676
Splinter, no longer
my biggest problem.

480
00:23:05,676 --> 00:23:08,637
That's, kind of, how that works.
[CHUCKLES]

481
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:11,974
Here's one.
This is the easy one.

482
00:23:11,974 --> 00:23:13,517
You could try this one.

483
00:23:13,517 --> 00:23:17,396
When I was in Greece,
they told me to take
a raw onion,

484
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:20,316
cut it in half
and take half of that onion

485
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:22,610
and put it directly
under your genitals.

486
00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:25,779
To cure your hangover.

487
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:29,992
And all that did was like,
an hour later,
was give my wife bad breath.

488
00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:31,535
So...

489
00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:33,621
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING
AND LAUGHING]

490
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:39,835
I keep trying that one.
I'll make that one stick.

491
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:41,462
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

492
00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:46,050
In, uh, in Jamaica,

493
00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:49,386
the hangover remedy
was, was herbal tea.

494
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:53,390
And if you're like, "Oh, yeah,
my grandmother used to drink
herbal tea," it's different.

495
00:23:53,390 --> 00:23:56,769
It's different unless
your grandmother was also
your fucking weed dealer

496
00:23:56,769 --> 00:24:01,357
because this was marijuana,
this is a ganja tea.

497
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:03,484
Now we go down,
we're in the town in Negril.

498
00:24:03,484 --> 00:24:05,778
We go to a place
called Ted's Tea Shack,

499
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,946
which is also Ted's house,

500
00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:12,868
and we... well,
we go inside and on his stove,

501
00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:16,997
he's got a pot with a heaping
amount of marijuana in it.

502
00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:18,540
A giant amount
of marijuana in it,

503
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,876
simmering in a small
amount of water,

504
00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:24,129
and when it's done steeping,
he brings it outside.

505
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:27,633
And he strains it
into two teacups

506
00:24:27,633 --> 00:24:30,219
through an old T-shirt, mm,

507
00:24:30,219 --> 00:24:34,181
and he filled his cup
a little bit

508
00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:36,600
and he filled my cup
all the way to the top.

509
00:24:37,351 --> 00:24:38,936
And then he drank his.

510
00:24:38,936 --> 00:24:40,104
And then I drank mine.

511
00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:42,856
And then Ted was like,

512
00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:46,026
[IN JAMAICAN ACCENT]
"Oh man, you drank
the whole thing."

513
00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:47,528
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

514
00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,905
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What? Yeah!

515
00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:53,409
"Ted! Yeah, you poured that
for you, and you drank that.

516
00:24:53,409 --> 00:24:56,203
"And then you poured this
for me, and I drank that.

517
00:24:56,203 --> 00:25:00,249
-"Why? I wasn't supposed to?"
-[IN JAMAICAN ACCENT] "No man,

518
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:05,838
"I poured a little bit
for me because
this is all I can handle.

519
00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:09,299
"And I poured a lot for you
to share with everybody."

520
00:25:09,299 --> 00:25:10,718
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

521
00:25:23,230 --> 00:25:24,398
"That's a lot of tea, man."

522
00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:29,611
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
AND IN NORMAL VOICE] Ted.

523
00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:33,198
Ted.

524
00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:34,575
What's going to happen to me?

525
00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:37,578
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

526
00:25:37,578 --> 00:25:39,413
[IN JAMAICAN ACCENT]
"Man, I don't know."

527
00:25:39,413 --> 00:25:41,498
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

528
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:42,708
"But it could be trouble.

529
00:25:45,294 --> 00:25:48,088
"I think it's going to feel like
you got hit by a freight train."

530
00:25:50,299 --> 00:25:53,719
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
"Ted, what? Whoa, man!
Hit by a freight train?

531
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:56,096
"Why don't you use an analogy
that you can relate to?

532
00:25:56,096 --> 00:25:58,891
"Why don't you tell me
it'll feel like I got hit
by a bobsled?"

533
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,561
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

534
00:26:07,983 --> 00:26:12,321
Fifteen minutes later,
and it hit me.

535
00:26:12,321 --> 00:26:16,325
But it wasn't
what he made it out to be.

536
00:26:16,325 --> 00:26:19,328
I just got hit with
this wave of relaxation.

537
00:26:19,328 --> 00:26:22,122
I just felt like this warmth
wash over me, and I felt good.

538
00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:23,665
I felt great. I felt present.

539
00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:24,792
I felt alert.

540
00:26:24,792 --> 00:26:25,876
I felt relaxed. So, I was like,

541
00:26:25,876 --> 00:26:28,754
"Ted man, why'd you scare me?

542
00:26:28,754 --> 00:26:31,298
"If you had more of this tea,
I would drink it right now.

543
00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:32,966
"I like the way
that this feels."

544
00:26:32,966 --> 00:26:34,760
He's like,
[IN JAMAICAN ACCENT]
"Man, well, I don't know

545
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,220
what the hell
you're talking about.

546
00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:38,764
It's not going to hit you
for another 45 minutes, man."

547
00:26:38,764 --> 00:26:40,349
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

548
00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:44,144
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
So, 45 minutes later,

549
00:26:44,144 --> 00:26:46,188
I lost the use of my legs.

550
00:26:46,188 --> 00:26:47,356
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

551
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:48,315
It's true.

552
00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:51,068
Uh, yeah.

553
00:26:51,068 --> 00:26:53,529
I was stuck in my chair.

554
00:26:53,529 --> 00:26:56,114
I had to be carried
by the crew to the crew van.

555
00:26:57,533 --> 00:26:59,117
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

556
00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:01,036
This is how they walk.
Don't make fun of them.

557
00:27:03,372 --> 00:27:07,417
Put in the van, double
seat-belted in, so I didn't
fall over on the turns.

558
00:27:08,377 --> 00:27:10,170
Driven to the hotel.

559
00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:13,215
We got to the hotel,
be carried to the hotel
through the hotel lobby.

560
00:27:15,843 --> 00:27:17,094
"He's okay."

561
00:27:17,094 --> 00:27:19,054
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

562
00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:24,643
And brought to my room
and laid down on my bed,
which is where they left me.

563
00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:27,312
And I'm lying there,
staring up at the ceiling.

564
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:32,901
And when I could finally
move my legs again, I was
too afraid to get out of bed

565
00:27:32,901 --> 00:27:35,737
because the towel hanging
on the doorknob,

566
00:27:35,737 --> 00:27:37,364
looked like a baby ghost.

567
00:27:37,364 --> 00:27:38,323
Huh.

568
00:27:39,992 --> 00:27:41,201
Mm.

569
00:27:41,201 --> 00:27:42,619
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

570
00:27:44,705 --> 00:27:45,747
Uh...

571
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:50,002
Edibles may cause paranoia.

572
00:27:52,546 --> 00:27:55,799
Like, look, I smoked pot before.

573
00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:58,176
I never felt anything like this.

574
00:27:58,176 --> 00:28:00,137
Maybe Ted gave me
something stronger.

575
00:28:00,137 --> 00:28:02,014
Maybe he gave me
something different.

576
00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:05,684
Maybe he's on his way
to my hotel room right now
to harvest my organs.

577
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:07,352
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

578
00:28:07,352 --> 00:28:09,146
When he gets here,
should I tell him

579
00:28:09,146 --> 00:28:12,733
that my liver
is probably not an organ
that he wants from me?

580
00:28:12,733 --> 00:28:14,902
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

581
00:28:14,902 --> 00:28:16,737
Take my spleen, Ted.
I haven't even used it.

582
00:28:18,655 --> 00:28:19,948
I don't even know where it is.

583
00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:23,118
I've never been
to space before...

584
00:28:25,162 --> 00:28:27,915
or heaven.
Maybe the Earth is flat.

585
00:28:27,915 --> 00:28:29,374
I don't know.

586
00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:32,502
This is the shit
you think about
when you're stoned.

587
00:28:32,502 --> 00:28:36,048
All I did know is,
that I still had another scene
to shoot that day.

588
00:28:37,466 --> 00:28:39,343
So the phone rings.

589
00:28:39,343 --> 00:28:42,471
It's Christina, the producer,
and she's like,
"Hey, you ready to go?"

590
00:28:42,471 --> 00:28:45,724
-I'm like, "No."
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

591
00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:48,602
"Christina, you told me
I had two hours of downtime."

592
00:28:48,602 --> 00:28:52,898
And she's like, "I know, I know.
We went and had lunch
and we shot some other stuff.

593
00:28:52,898 --> 00:28:54,274
"It's been five hours."

594
00:28:54,274 --> 00:28:55,400
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

595
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,070
Edibles may cause time travel.

596
00:28:58,070 --> 00:29:00,405
I was like, "No, Christina,
I can't, I can't do this.

597
00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:03,408
"I'm still stoned from
Ted's Tea Shack,

598
00:29:03,408 --> 00:29:05,243
"and I don't think I can do it.
I don't think
you want me to do it.

599
00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,913
"I don't even think
I can carry on a coherent
conversation."

600
00:29:07,913 --> 00:29:10,332
And she's like, "You're having
a coherent conversation

601
00:29:10,332 --> 00:29:12,584
"of how you can't have
a coherent conversation."

602
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:16,004
-I was like, "Well played."
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

603
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:17,965
Okay, fine.

604
00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:20,008
I'll put my shit together.

605
00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:21,927
I'll come down, I'll be
downstairs in five minutes
and she's like, "No, no, no.

606
00:29:21,927 --> 00:29:25,180
"I'm just kidding. You sound
high as shit. You shouldn't
be around people.

607
00:29:25,180 --> 00:29:26,682
"No, no, no! Stay away.

608
00:29:26,682 --> 00:29:28,850
"Stay away from contact."

609
00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:31,603
She's like, "Maybe just,
you know, like,
enjoy being stoned.

610
00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:33,730
"Look, we're done.
The episode is wrapped.

611
00:29:33,730 --> 00:29:35,691
"Maybe just go
enjoy being stoned.

612
00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:37,567
"Go for a walk on the beach.

613
00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:39,069
"Go for a swim in the ocean."

614
00:29:39,069 --> 00:29:41,029
I was like, "Yeah,
and fall off the planet?"

615
00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:42,489
"Fuck you, Christina!

616
00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:43,532
"God damn it!"

617
00:29:46,326 --> 00:29:48,370
Everyone in Jamaica
is out to get me.

618
00:29:48,370 --> 00:29:49,329
That's the plan.

619
00:29:50,747 --> 00:29:54,960
So, went to sleep
that night at 7:00 p.m.

620
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,295
Woke up the next morning
at 9:00 a.m.

621
00:29:57,295 --> 00:30:00,257
I slept for 14 hours.
I felt amazing.

622
00:30:00,257 --> 00:30:03,176
I get myself to the airport,
get on the flight.

623
00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:07,556
Take off, and the lady
next to me sees
I'm traveling by myself

624
00:30:07,556 --> 00:30:10,142
and she's like, "What were you
doing in Jamaica?"

625
00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:12,811
I was like, "Oh, I was doing
a show called Three Sheets.

626
00:30:12,811 --> 00:30:14,229
"I went to Ted's Tea Shack.

627
00:30:14,229 --> 00:30:15,856
"I wouldn't recommend it."

628
00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:17,357
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

629
00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:20,110
I went to Appleton Estates,
I had jerk chicken.

630
00:30:20,110 --> 00:30:23,864
I did an episode
in Costa Rica and Ireland
and Wales and France.

631
00:30:23,864 --> 00:30:26,908
Oh, I started telling her
all these stories about
all the trips I had.

632
00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:29,036
At some point,
the flight attendant
comes over and says,

633
00:30:29,036 --> 00:30:32,039
"Sir, you need
to put your seat up."

634
00:30:32,039 --> 00:30:35,292
I was like, "Oh, wow,
I didn't realize we were
changing planes in Miami."

635
00:30:35,292 --> 00:30:37,919
She was like, "No,
we're landing in Los Angeles."

636
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:40,422
It's been six and a half hours

637
00:30:40,422 --> 00:30:43,008
that I've been talking
to this lady non-stop.

638
00:30:43,008 --> 00:30:45,260
-[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]
-Non-stop.

639
00:30:45,260 --> 00:30:47,679
I'm afraid I've literally
bored her to death.

640
00:30:48,764 --> 00:30:50,640
I don't want to look at her.

641
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,642
I'm afraid she's turned into
one of those skeletons
from Indiana Jones.

642
00:30:52,642 --> 00:30:54,019
Just a skull with hair on it.

643
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,395
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

644
00:30:56,855 --> 00:30:58,732
So I turned. I didn't
even know what to say,

645
00:30:58,732 --> 00:31:02,486
but I turned to apologize,
and there's nobody there.

646
00:31:02,486 --> 00:31:04,154
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

647
00:31:04,154 --> 00:31:06,615
And the flight attendant told me
that there never was.

648
00:31:06,615 --> 00:31:10,494
So, from now on, fly stoned.
That's all I can tell you.

649
00:31:10,494 --> 00:31:12,120
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING
AND LAUGHING]

650
00:31:18,001 --> 00:31:20,921
Another flight that I was on
was the very first flight

651
00:31:20,921 --> 00:31:24,257
to go shoot the
very first episode
of Three Sheets.

652
00:31:24,257 --> 00:31:26,718
Flying in to go shoot
in Galway, Ireland.

653
00:31:26,718 --> 00:31:29,679
Now, the first episode we shot
was Galway, Ireland.

654
00:31:29,679 --> 00:31:33,892
Then we shot in Wales
and Belgium
and Champagne, France.

655
00:31:33,892 --> 00:31:36,770
We shot those four episodes
before we went back home

656
00:31:36,770 --> 00:31:39,815
to edit them together
and see what it is,
that we even had.

657
00:31:39,815 --> 00:31:43,527
So I'm on the flight,
and I have this idea

658
00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:46,530
that I want to figure out
how to make Three Sheets

659
00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:51,243
the first TV show that
was created as a drinking game.

660
00:31:51,243 --> 00:31:54,830
Now, a lot of TV shows have been
turned into drinking games
after the fact,

661
00:31:54,830 --> 00:31:58,750
but I would be the first show
that was deliberately created
as a drinking game.

662
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,294
So, I'm thinking about this
on the flight.

663
00:32:01,294 --> 00:32:03,338
And nothing cool
was coming to mind.

664
00:32:03,338 --> 00:32:04,589
I didn't want it to be cliche.

665
00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:06,591
I wanted it to be something
fun and original.

666
00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:08,260
I couldn't figure it out.

667
00:32:08,260 --> 00:32:12,472
And I'm walking
through the airport
and I pass a gift shop.

668
00:32:12,472 --> 00:32:17,936
And on the shelf
of this gift shop was
one little stuffed toy monkey.

669
00:32:17,936 --> 00:32:19,688
Where is he?
He's usually at the shows.

670
00:32:19,688 --> 00:32:20,981
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

671
00:32:20,981 --> 00:32:21,940
Yes, exactly.

672
00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:25,318
Let's throw
this one right there.

673
00:32:25,318 --> 00:32:27,154
-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-This guy right there.

674
00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:39,082
So, yes. So I see this monkey
and I get him and I start
to hide him

675
00:32:39,082 --> 00:32:41,209
in the scenes,
in the back of the scenes.

676
00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:44,004
And the rule was,
the first person
to see the monkey

677
00:32:44,004 --> 00:32:45,380
would get to make
one of their friends drink.

678
00:32:45,380 --> 00:32:46,882
So I hide the monkey back there,

679
00:32:46,882 --> 00:32:48,175
put him on the bookshelf.

680
00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:50,594
I put him on the back of the bar
and he sat there,

681
00:32:50,594 --> 00:32:54,389
and while doing this
on the first day,
Mike, the director, he's like,

682
00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:56,683
"Hey, what's
going on with this monkey?"

683
00:32:56,683 --> 00:32:59,311
And I tell him about
the drinking game and he's like,

684
00:32:59,311 --> 00:33:01,730
"Wow, that is awesome.
I love that.

685
00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:04,608
"But, I work for the network.

686
00:33:04,608 --> 00:33:06,526
"I have an obligation to them.

687
00:33:06,526 --> 00:33:08,653
"I'm gonna have
to clear it by them.

688
00:33:08,653 --> 00:33:11,573
"So you know what?
Just enjoy doing it
for the rest of the day.

689
00:33:11,573 --> 00:33:13,783
"And then let's hop on a call
with them tomorrow

690
00:33:13,783 --> 00:33:15,577
"and kind of tell them
what it's about."

691
00:33:15,577 --> 00:33:18,246
I was like, "All right."
So the next day
we get on the call

692
00:33:18,246 --> 00:33:20,540
with the head of the network
and all their attorneys.

693
00:33:20,540 --> 00:33:22,667
He's like, [IN DEEP VOICE]
"So, uh, Zane,

694
00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:30,759
"Mike tells us, you, uh,
you got this idea
for a, a drinking game?"

695
00:33:30,759 --> 00:33:33,386
I was like,
[NORMAL VOICE SHAKING]
"Yeah, well, either I told Mike

696
00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:37,182
or maybe Mike told me, sir.
Kind of depends
on how this call goes."

697
00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,809
[IN DEEP VOICE]
"Well, we don't think
it's a very good idea,

698
00:33:39,809 --> 00:33:42,938
"to have a drinking game
with only one rule.

699
00:33:42,938 --> 00:33:44,189
"Can you come up
with more rules?

700
00:33:44,189 --> 00:33:45,690
"We think it's fantastic.
What a great idea."

701
00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:46,942
[LAUGHS BOISTEROUSLY]

702
00:33:48,443 --> 00:33:50,320
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Evil laugh.

703
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,240
[IN DEEP VOICE] By the way,
what's the monkey's name?

704
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:56,743
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Now, at this point, I hadn't
thought that far into the future

705
00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:59,246
and so I said, "Pleepleus."

706
00:33:59,246 --> 00:34:00,455
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

707
00:34:00,455 --> 00:34:02,832
I thought it sounded
important and Greek.

708
00:34:02,832 --> 00:34:04,751
I have no idea where
I came up with it.

709
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:06,294
And he's like,
[IN DEEP VOICE]
"People's?"

710
00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,004
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Uh, no, Pleepleus.

711
00:34:08,004 --> 00:34:09,881
[IN DEEP VOICE, MUTTERS]
"Long connection.

712
00:34:09,881 --> 00:34:11,925
"You're saying purples?"
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I'm like, "No, sir, Pleepleus."

713
00:34:11,925 --> 00:34:14,344
He's like,
[IN DEEP VOICE]
"Ugh, just email me." Click.

714
00:34:14,344 --> 00:34:15,971
[IN NORMAL VOICE, CHUCKLES]
That was it.

715
00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:17,639
That was it.

716
00:34:17,639 --> 00:34:21,810
So I had to then
come up with another rule
for the drinking game.

717
00:34:21,810 --> 00:34:26,147
And so I decided,
I would tell a story about
a different friend of mine

718
00:34:26,147 --> 00:34:27,524
in every episode.

719
00:34:27,524 --> 00:34:29,067
So, we, we are in Ireland.

720
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:31,528
We are in Ireland,
and so I tell a story

721
00:34:31,528 --> 00:34:33,780
about my buddy, Steve McKenna.

722
00:34:33,780 --> 00:34:36,199
-Makes sense,
Irish name, that's it.
-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

723
00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:40,370
Now we get to Wales.

724
00:34:40,370 --> 00:34:42,872
And I tell a story about
a different friend of mine.

725
00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:45,792
I tell a story
about my buddy Neil.

726
00:34:45,792 --> 00:34:47,627
And the crew is like, "Whoa!"

727
00:34:49,254 --> 00:34:50,880
I'll try to say this verbatim,

728
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:53,466
I start to tell a story
about Neil, and they said,

729
00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:55,969
"Fuck Neil."

730
00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:58,221
Yeah, that was it.

731
00:34:58,221 --> 00:34:59,389
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

732
00:34:59,389 --> 00:35:03,059
Yeah... like, eloquently said.

733
00:35:03,059 --> 00:35:05,437
And I was like, I'm like,
"Wait, what's wrong?

734
00:35:05,437 --> 00:35:06,688
"What do you have against Neil?"

735
00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:08,315
They're like, "We don't have...
Fuck, Neil."

736
00:35:08,315 --> 00:35:10,567
"We don't give a shit about...
We don't care about Neil,

737
00:35:10,567 --> 00:35:13,987
"but we need to understand
Steve McKenna.
This guy is a maniac.

738
00:35:13,987 --> 00:35:15,488
"We need more stories
about him."

739
00:35:15,488 --> 00:35:16,614
And that was it.

740
00:35:16,614 --> 00:35:18,700
So the rule became,

741
00:35:18,700 --> 00:35:22,162
when I tell a story about
Steve McKenna, it's a social
and everybody takes a drink.

742
00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:23,455
So that's what's
happening right now.

743
00:35:23,455 --> 00:35:24,914
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Cheers!

744
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:30,754
Now, when we shot
Three Sheets,

745
00:35:30,754 --> 00:35:32,422
we had one camera guy.

746
00:35:32,422 --> 00:35:35,592
This is very rare
for a travel show.
It's rare for any show.

747
00:35:35,592 --> 00:35:39,429
Just to have one camera
shooting the whole thing,
with a guy named Curtis.

748
00:35:39,429 --> 00:35:40,680
Curtis was the camera guy.

749
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,349
Eric was the sound guy.

750
00:35:42,349 --> 00:35:44,559
And so, Curtis would shoot
the entire thing,

751
00:35:44,559 --> 00:35:47,270
entire scene between
two people with one camera,

752
00:35:47,270 --> 00:35:51,149
and so that the editor could
cut this three-hour shoot

753
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:53,109
down to a five-minute scene.

754
00:35:53,109 --> 00:35:56,529
We'd get an insert shot
of the drinks being poured.

755
00:35:56,529 --> 00:35:59,240
And then a shot of the drinks
being made on the bar.

756
00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:02,911
And then you get
what's called a reaction shot,
or a listening shot.

757
00:36:02,911 --> 00:36:04,454
A listening shot is very simple.

758
00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:07,540
I'm here.
The person is there
that I'm talking to.

759
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:09,000
The camera is right there.

760
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:10,752
And then Mike would be like,
"Okay, look at the person.

761
00:36:10,752 --> 00:36:12,670
Okay, listen to him.
Okay, agree with him.

762
00:36:13,671 --> 00:36:15,215
Disagree.

763
00:36:15,215 --> 00:36:18,426
It's on camera.
You got to keep it super,
super simple.

764
00:36:18,426 --> 00:36:19,886
And now it's the person's turn.

765
00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:21,554
Now I'm here
and the camera's there.

766
00:36:21,554 --> 00:36:24,057
And Mike would be like,
"Okay, listen to Zane."
Okay.

767
00:36:24,057 --> 00:36:27,435
And then, "Okay, now,
uh, agree with something
Zane says."

768
00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:29,979
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

769
00:36:32,232 --> 00:36:34,651
Mike's like, "Nope,
this is just... keep it natural.

770
00:36:34,651 --> 00:36:36,945
Just has to be natural.
Keep it smaller than that."

771
00:36:36,945 --> 00:36:39,447
"Okay. Maybe disagree
with something Zane says,"

772
00:36:43,451 --> 00:36:46,413
Mike's like, "No. Okay,
you know what Zane,
come here for a second.

773
00:36:46,413 --> 00:36:49,290
"Um, here's the deal, look.
People are not
naturally comfortable

774
00:36:49,290 --> 00:36:51,751
"in front of the TV.
So, what I want you
to do is just,

775
00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:54,963
"I'm going to have you
tell them a story
and we'll roll camera on them.

776
00:36:54,963 --> 00:36:57,465
"We won't even tell them
we're recording them.

777
00:36:57,465 --> 00:36:58,800
"And you just tell them
an interesting story

778
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,677
"that kind of runs
the gamut of emotions,

779
00:37:00,677 --> 00:37:03,221
"you know... Ooh! tell a story
about Steve McKenna."

780
00:37:03,221 --> 00:37:04,472
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

781
00:37:04,472 --> 00:37:06,307
So I did.

782
00:37:06,307 --> 00:37:09,477
And this is the story
that I told.

783
00:37:09,477 --> 00:37:12,856
Steve McKenna and I
went to college together,
but we were never roommates

784
00:37:12,856 --> 00:37:15,900
for reasons that will become
apparent in this story.

785
00:37:15,900 --> 00:37:17,235
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

786
00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:18,987
We went to Cortland College.

787
00:37:20,697 --> 00:37:23,450
-Thanks, and, um,
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

788
00:37:23,450 --> 00:37:27,328
Cortland...
Cortland, New York,
is just south of Syracuse

789
00:37:27,328 --> 00:37:30,248
uh, and north of pretty much
everything else.

790
00:37:30,248 --> 00:37:35,920
So, in our junior year,
we had the biggest snowstorm
in the history of the city.

791
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:39,549
We woke up to four-and-a-half
feet of snow on the ground,

792
00:37:39,549 --> 00:37:41,217
still snowing heavily.

793
00:37:41,217 --> 00:37:44,053
School was closed,
roads were closed,

794
00:37:44,053 --> 00:37:48,099
bars were open, hashtag College.

795
00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:51,811
But it was a while ago
we would have said
number sign College,

796
00:37:51,811 --> 00:37:53,521
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

797
00:38:03,531 --> 00:38:06,701
And so, at 11:00
in the morning,
Steve calls me up.

798
00:38:06,701 --> 00:38:09,037
He's like, [IN DEEP VOICE]
"Hey, I'll meet you at the bar."

799
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:10,497
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Fine, let's do it.

800
00:38:10,497 --> 00:38:13,750
So, I put on my snow pants
and my ski jacket.

801
00:38:13,750 --> 00:38:15,502
And my gloves and my hat.

802
00:38:15,502 --> 00:38:19,797
And trudge my way through
four-and-a-half feet of snow

803
00:38:19,797 --> 00:38:23,009
for a mile, to get to the bar,

804
00:38:23,009 --> 00:38:27,680
to find this bar is busier
than I've ever seen it!

805
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:28,848
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

806
00:38:28,848 --> 00:38:30,600
Everyone is there.

807
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:34,229
All the students are there,
all the professors are there.
[LAUGHS]

808
00:38:34,229 --> 00:38:35,980
To put it in perspective,

809
00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:39,192
that wall over there,
that's school, okay?

810
00:38:39,192 --> 00:38:42,946
This wall of barrels,
that's, that's the bar, okay?

811
00:38:42,946 --> 00:38:47,116
That's the actual distance
between these two,
these two things.

812
00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:49,619
School, no, no, no, no.
It is dangerous.

813
00:38:49,619 --> 00:38:51,538
People could get hurt.
They can't...

814
00:38:51,538 --> 00:38:53,957
There's not even a way
to get to it. There's too much
snow. Shut it down.

815
00:38:53,957 --> 00:38:55,250
Shut it down
for the rest of the week.

816
00:38:55,250 --> 00:38:57,293
No, no, close it.
Close it down.

817
00:38:57,293 --> 00:38:58,586
That's it. What's that?

818
00:38:58,586 --> 00:39:00,755
The bar's open?
Yeah, let's get a pint, come on.

819
00:39:00,755 --> 00:39:02,841
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

820
00:39:02,841 --> 00:39:05,468
That is it.
Where there's a will,
there's a way.

821
00:39:05,468 --> 00:39:06,970
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

822
00:39:06,970 --> 00:39:10,390
So I get into the bar
and it is so packed.

823
00:39:10,390 --> 00:39:14,352
But Steve McKenna
was the first person at the bar,
so he's got pole position.

824
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:17,438
He's bellied up to the bar
and he's not moving his spot.

825
00:39:17,438 --> 00:39:21,359
He's got six or seven people
deep behind him,
trying to get drinks.

826
00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:23,236
And so we're passing
ahead money,

827
00:39:23,236 --> 00:39:25,697
and Steve is passing back
pitchers of beer. That's it.

828
00:39:25,697 --> 00:39:28,199
They're so busy,
they're just doing
pitchers of beer.

829
00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:29,867
And we were having
an amazing time.

830
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,289
Until, at some point,
because of the cold,

831
00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:36,833
the sewage line
under the bar breaks.

832
00:39:36,833 --> 00:39:38,293
[AUDIENCE GROANS]

833
00:39:38,293 --> 00:39:41,879
And this horrible smell
wafts through the bar.

834
00:39:41,879 --> 00:39:43,214
It was disgusting.

835
00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:45,758
And so we all flood out
onto the street.

836
00:39:45,758 --> 00:39:47,427
There's no cars.

837
00:39:47,427 --> 00:39:50,471
So we start making snowmen
and having
a big old snowball fight.

838
00:39:50,471 --> 00:39:51,890
It was amazing.

839
00:39:51,890 --> 00:39:54,267
And we look inside,
at some point...

840
00:39:55,893 --> 00:39:59,230
And there is Steve McKenna,
still at the bar.

841
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:05,612
Like a soldier at his post.
He didn't leave.

842
00:40:05,612 --> 00:40:09,741
So we went back in
and we continued to drink
until the bar closed,

843
00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:11,451
about 17 hours later.

844
00:40:11,451 --> 00:40:13,077
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

845
00:40:13,077 --> 00:40:16,164
And the next day
was also a snow day.

846
00:40:16,164 --> 00:40:17,957
So we go to a different bar,

847
00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:19,542
and a bunch of us
are in a booth.

848
00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:21,544
And we're talking about
how much fun this is,

849
00:40:21,544 --> 00:40:23,338
and how much fun
the day before was

850
00:40:23,338 --> 00:40:25,632
and Steve's just sitting there
with his arms crossed,

851
00:40:25,632 --> 00:40:28,593
slouching down the booth,
all grumpy.

852
00:40:28,593 --> 00:40:30,219
And we're like,
"Steve, what is it?

853
00:40:30,219 --> 00:40:32,430
"What's wrong with you, man?
Why you're not having fun?"

854
00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:35,350
He's like,
[IN DEEP VOICE]
"Well, uh, I mean, yesterday,

855
00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:39,103
"you guys said you left the bar
because of the smell,

856
00:40:39,103 --> 00:40:42,774
"and I didn't think
the smell was that bad,
and that's why I didn't leave."

857
00:40:42,774 --> 00:40:43,733
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

858
00:40:45,902 --> 00:40:48,321
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Steve, why are you,
why are you defending smell?

859
00:40:48,321 --> 00:40:50,365
I don't understand
what's happening here.

860
00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:53,242
[IN DEEP VOICE]
"Well, I'll tell you.
Okay, I'll tell you why.

861
00:40:53,242 --> 00:40:58,164
"It's because I farted
and it got away from me

862
00:40:58,164 --> 00:41:01,125
"and I pooped my pants,
and it's not a big deal.

863
00:41:01,125 --> 00:41:02,877
"It's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal at all,

864
00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:04,962
"but you guys made
a big deal out of it.

865
00:41:04,962 --> 00:41:07,674
"And in fact, it's called
the shart and the reason
it's called the shart

866
00:41:07,674 --> 00:41:10,468
"is because everyone's
done it and they needed
to give it a name

867
00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:11,969
"so they could tell people
what they've done.

868
00:41:11,969 --> 00:41:13,805
"But you guys made me feel
like you've never done it.

869
00:41:13,805 --> 00:41:15,640
"And I wanted to leave the bar,
I wanted to leave school.

870
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:17,600
"Never wanted to see you guys
ever again."

871
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:19,852
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

872
00:41:22,063 --> 00:41:25,191
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Wow, there's a lot
to unpack there.

873
00:41:25,191 --> 00:41:26,150
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

874
00:41:28,069 --> 00:41:31,739
So what happened was,
we went outside
for our snowball fight,

875
00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:35,618
Steve ran to the bathroom
of this state school dive bar.

876
00:41:35,618 --> 00:41:38,329
There's no door on the stall.
There's no toilet paper.

877
00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:39,956
So Steve takes
his underwear off,

878
00:41:39,956 --> 00:41:41,624
throws it in the garbage.

879
00:41:41,624 --> 00:41:43,084
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

880
00:41:43,084 --> 00:41:46,170
Then, he takes off his T-shirt,
rinses it in the sink,

881
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:47,880
cleans himself out.

882
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,216
-[AUDIENCE GROANS]
-Hey, I wasn't there.

883
00:41:50,216 --> 00:41:53,678
This is a dramatization
of the events that occurred.

884
00:41:53,678 --> 00:41:55,847
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

885
00:41:55,847 --> 00:41:58,391
Cleaned himself out,
threw that away.

886
00:41:58,391 --> 00:42:02,061
Then he pulled back
on his corduroys
and his Cosby sweater.

887
00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:04,272
It's okay.
It was the 90s.

888
00:42:04,272 --> 00:42:05,815
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

889
00:42:05,815 --> 00:42:08,234
It might be okay
again now too, I don't know.

890
00:42:08,234 --> 00:42:10,361
The news is conflicting,

891
00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:13,030
but he goes back to the bar
and he continues to drink.

892
00:42:13,030 --> 00:42:15,700
And that's how Steve got
the nickname Number Two.

893
00:42:16,701 --> 00:42:18,578
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

894
00:42:18,578 --> 00:42:21,831
But understand that
I've given you guys
some context.

895
00:42:21,831 --> 00:42:24,834
I've explained who Steve is
and why I'm telling the story.

896
00:42:24,834 --> 00:42:26,919
So, you guys have
a reference for this.

897
00:42:26,919 --> 00:42:29,964
Who didn't have context
were the people I was telling

898
00:42:29,964 --> 00:42:32,258
for listening shots in Ireland

899
00:42:32,258 --> 00:42:36,095
and Wales and Belgium
and Champagne, France.

900
00:42:36,095 --> 00:42:39,974
I didn't do a lot for
diplomatic relations
in that part of the world.

901
00:42:39,974 --> 00:42:41,601
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

902
00:42:41,601 --> 00:42:43,895
So if you're watching
one of those,
one of those episodes,

903
00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:46,355
you'll see what's called
a two shot or a wide shot.

904
00:42:46,355 --> 00:42:48,816
It's me sitting
next to the person.

905
00:42:48,816 --> 00:42:51,611
I'm here. The person is here
and I'm having a drink.

906
00:42:51,611 --> 00:42:53,279
And I'm talking about
the drink I'm having.

907
00:42:53,279 --> 00:42:55,031
"Wow, this is fantastic.
I love what you've done.

908
00:42:55,031 --> 00:42:57,867
"I can tell that it's
high quality because
of the bubbles in it,"

909
00:42:57,867 --> 00:43:00,620
And so I'm drinking it
and it cuts to a reaction shot

910
00:43:00,620 --> 00:43:03,206
of the person listening to me
talk about the drink.

911
00:43:03,206 --> 00:43:06,501
They're actually
listening to me tell
the Steve-Shit-His-Pants story.

912
00:43:06,501 --> 00:43:07,460
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

913
00:43:09,086 --> 00:43:11,464
It will change the way
you guys watch those episodes.

914
00:43:11,464 --> 00:43:13,633
Go back and watch 'em.
Trust me.

915
00:43:13,633 --> 00:43:16,552
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

916
00:43:24,143 --> 00:43:27,396
Now, Steve has another
number nickname.

917
00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:28,397
It's "One In Ten."

918
00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:33,444
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

919
00:43:33,444 --> 00:43:36,697
Because for every nine
stupid things he says,

920
00:43:36,697 --> 00:43:40,868
he says one genius thing.

921
00:43:40,868 --> 00:43:44,747
And we're not sure
if it's actually genius
or if it just seems genius

922
00:43:44,747 --> 00:43:47,500
because of the other shit
that just fell out of his mouth.

923
00:43:49,961 --> 00:43:53,840
For example, I did a show
called Four Sheets.

924
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:58,052
Now Four Sheets a few years ago
came out on September 1st,

925
00:43:58,052 --> 00:44:00,513
went off the air,
on September 12th.

926
00:44:00,513 --> 00:44:03,474
-So...
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

927
00:44:03,474 --> 00:44:05,434
But when we were
planning this show,

928
00:44:05,434 --> 00:44:09,730
I called up Steve, I'm like,
"Hey, Steve, come
to the episode we're shooting

929
00:44:09,730 --> 00:44:14,068
"in Machu Picchu,
one of the seven wonders
of the world."

930
00:44:14,068 --> 00:44:16,904
He's like, [IN DEEP VOICE]
"I'm in.

931
00:44:17,655 --> 00:44:19,156
"That sounds amazing.

932
00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:21,742
"Where is Michu Pichu?"

933
00:44:21,742 --> 00:44:22,702
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

934
00:44:25,663 --> 00:44:30,084
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Machu Picchu is in Peru,
so it's south of the equator.

935
00:44:30,084 --> 00:44:34,547
So it's July here.
It's summer here, but down
there, it'll be winter.

936
00:44:34,547 --> 00:44:35,756
He's like, [IN DEEP VOICE]
"Whoa!

937
00:44:35,756 --> 00:44:37,925
"So we'll be there
for Christmas?"

938
00:44:37,925 --> 00:44:39,468
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

939
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:46,058
"No, Steve,"
and people are not laughing.

940
00:44:46,058 --> 00:44:48,561
"That's not how
the calendar works."

941
00:44:56,027 --> 00:44:59,447
Like, we didn't have Jesus
come out on December 25th,

942
00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:02,783
only to be followed on June 25th
by Jesus coming out,

943
00:45:02,783 --> 00:45:04,911
[IN COMICAL SPANISH ACCENT]
"Yo! What's up dudes?"

944
00:45:05,953 --> 00:45:06,913
"Hey!"

945
00:45:08,289 --> 00:45:11,250
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

946
00:45:11,250 --> 00:45:14,211
"Uh, guys, it looks like you got
started without me, man."

947
00:45:14,211 --> 00:45:15,713
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

948
00:45:16,756 --> 00:45:18,132
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Fuckin' Steve.

949
00:45:25,056 --> 00:45:29,143
Now, I want to be clear
about one thing.

950
00:45:29,143 --> 00:45:32,438
My job is as an entertainer.

951
00:45:32,438 --> 00:45:34,690
My job is to entertain you guys.

952
00:45:34,690 --> 00:45:38,069
If you learned anything from any
of the shows that I've done,

953
00:45:38,069 --> 00:45:42,615
I apologize. That is a mistake.
I did not mean it.
It's not intentional.

954
00:45:42,615 --> 00:45:44,367
Most of that shit,
we made up.

955
00:45:44,367 --> 00:45:46,953
I'll be honest.
I'm not gonna lie to you.

956
00:45:46,953 --> 00:45:50,206
You know, like I've said,
traveling around the world,

957
00:45:50,206 --> 00:45:52,708
it has an effect on you.
It really does.

958
00:45:52,708 --> 00:45:55,086
And getting the privilege

959
00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:59,590
to travel around and see
how so many different cultures

960
00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:02,134
live their day to day
lives was a treat.

961
00:46:02,134 --> 00:46:05,554
And, you know, sometimes,
I saw beautiful things,

962
00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:08,140
and sometimes I saw things
that disturbed me.

963
00:46:08,140 --> 00:46:10,184
I saw the good, I saw the bad.

964
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:14,230
But either way, I, I know
that I grew as a person.

965
00:46:14,230 --> 00:46:17,024
But I'll tell you, in traveling
to all these countries,

966
00:46:17,024 --> 00:46:22,321
the most foreign country
I've ever been to is Kentucky.

967
00:46:22,321 --> 00:46:24,615
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]

968
00:46:30,579 --> 00:46:31,706
[CHUCKLES]

969
00:46:33,290 --> 00:46:35,751
So, we're going down there,

970
00:46:35,751 --> 00:46:39,088
we were shooting
season 2 of Three Sheets,

971
00:46:39,088 --> 00:46:43,467
and look, they said that
Steve McKenna could join us

972
00:46:43,467 --> 00:46:45,553
for an episode.
And I was so excited

973
00:46:45,553 --> 00:46:48,639
to have my best friend join me
in an episode of my show

974
00:46:48,639 --> 00:46:52,601
and have people finally get
to meet this guy Steve

975
00:46:52,601 --> 00:46:54,645
I've been talking about
for the whole season

976
00:46:54,645 --> 00:46:57,773
and I got to have a stunt
drinker for all the bourbon

977
00:46:57,773 --> 00:47:00,317
that I knew would be consumed
in this particular episode.

978
00:47:02,361 --> 00:47:06,866
[CHUCKLES] We pick up Steve
at the airport and we drive
two hours south

979
00:47:06,866 --> 00:47:11,412
to the town of Sherwood,
population 200.

980
00:47:11,412 --> 00:47:13,330
And we go to the Sherwood Inn.

981
00:47:13,330 --> 00:47:16,208
Everybody is there.
The entire town is there,

982
00:47:16,208 --> 00:47:19,170
and they were so excited
to have a TV show

983
00:47:19,170 --> 00:47:21,130
about their beautiful community.

984
00:47:21,130 --> 00:47:24,550
And so we get there.
Everybody's dressed to the nines
and looks amazing.

985
00:47:24,550 --> 00:47:28,304
And they have a bluegrass band
that they brought in to play.

986
00:47:28,304 --> 00:47:32,183
And the bluegrass band
has a you know, like

987
00:47:32,183 --> 00:47:35,227
-a, a full set of teeth
between the whole band.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

988
00:47:35,227 --> 00:47:39,774
Oh, no, I mean, everything
was really done really well.

989
00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:43,319
And, I brought Steve.

990
00:47:43,319 --> 00:47:48,532
I brought Steve to the bar
and I got us bourbon shots
and whiskey and moonshine.

991
00:47:48,532 --> 00:47:50,534
Real moonshine shots.

992
00:47:50,534 --> 00:47:52,745
And apple pie shots.

993
00:47:52,745 --> 00:47:54,288
And mint juleps.

994
00:47:54,288 --> 00:47:57,124
And after an hour and a half,
Mike, the director comes up.

995
00:47:57,124 --> 00:48:00,127
He's like,
"Hey, that was good, man.

996
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:02,296
"That was good.
If you're good, I'm good."

997
00:48:02,296 --> 00:48:03,839
And I was like,
"You know what?

998
00:48:03,839 --> 00:48:07,384
"I'm not, I'm not, I'm not."

999
00:48:07,927 --> 00:48:08,969
Because...

1000
00:48:10,471 --> 00:48:13,682
the name Steve McKenna,
it means something to people.

1001
00:48:15,768 --> 00:48:18,979
It's a name. It's also a verb.

1002
00:48:18,979 --> 00:48:21,148
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1003
00:48:21,148 --> 00:48:24,693
Steve McKenna'd.
To be inebriated to the point

1004
00:48:24,693 --> 00:48:28,614
where one loses control
of one's actions.

1005
00:48:28,614 --> 00:48:33,327
Examples include
streaking, drunk dialing,

1006
00:48:33,327 --> 00:48:35,412
"Sorry, I hit on your mom
last night.

1007
00:48:35,412 --> 00:48:37,790
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1008
00:48:37,790 --> 00:48:39,208
"I was Steve McKenna'd."

1009
00:48:41,627 --> 00:48:45,214
So I brought Steve
back to the bar,

1010
00:48:45,214 --> 00:48:48,175
and I got us more bourbon
and more whiskey

1011
00:48:48,175 --> 00:48:51,220
and more moonshine
and more apple pie shots.

1012
00:48:51,220 --> 00:48:52,680
And more mint juleps.

1013
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:55,975
And in an effort to get
Steve McKenna Steve McKenna'd,

1014
00:48:55,975 --> 00:48:59,812
I managed to get myself
Steve McKenna'd.

1015
00:48:59,812 --> 00:49:01,188
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND WHOOPING]

1016
00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:08,988
Cut to Steve and I
standing out behind the bar.

1017
00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:11,073
Now it's December.

1018
00:49:11,073 --> 00:49:14,743
It's midnight,
and it is mighty cold outside.

1019
00:49:14,743 --> 00:49:18,122
Now we're not naked,
so don't let your imagination...
[CHUCKLES]

1020
00:49:18,122 --> 00:49:21,000
You guys, come on.
Because we're wearing socks.

1021
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:22,418
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1022
00:49:24,128 --> 00:49:27,882
And I had made an announcement
before I left the bar.

1023
00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:32,178
That we're going streaking.

1024
00:49:32,178 --> 00:49:35,639
And the entire town
is on this giant front porch,

1025
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,850
and they are just waiting
for us to run by

1026
00:49:37,850 --> 00:49:39,852
and Steve and I, we're outside.

1027
00:49:39,852 --> 00:49:42,479
And we're shivering
and it is now or never.

1028
00:49:42,479 --> 00:49:44,273
And went boom, we take off,

1029
00:49:44,273 --> 00:49:48,569
like two naked, un-anatomically
correct, chubby Ken dolls

1030
00:49:48,569 --> 00:49:51,197
flopping through
the cold Kentucky air.

1031
00:49:51,197 --> 00:49:55,451
And we passed that front porch,
they start to cheer.

1032
00:49:55,451 --> 00:49:56,994
They love it.

1033
00:49:56,994 --> 00:49:58,412
They're not laughing at us.

1034
00:49:58,412 --> 00:50:00,206
They're laughing with us.
They're having a great time.

1035
00:50:00,206 --> 00:50:02,625
Big fucking deal, we're naked.

1036
00:50:02,625 --> 00:50:05,502
There's not one person
in this entire room

1037
00:50:05,502 --> 00:50:07,379
that looks good naked
while running.

1038
00:50:07,379 --> 00:50:08,339
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1039
00:50:09,465 --> 00:50:10,841
Except maybe you.

1040
00:50:10,841 --> 00:50:12,051
[WOMAN WHOOPS]

1041
00:50:13,636 --> 00:50:15,888
And I turned,
I turned back to Steve.

1042
00:50:15,888 --> 00:50:18,057
I'm like, "Dude,
let's make another pass."

1043
00:50:18,057 --> 00:50:22,561
He's like, [IN DEEP VOICE]
"I'm in. I am in."

1044
00:50:22,561 --> 00:50:26,065
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
So we run around. We come around
the side of the porch

1045
00:50:26,065 --> 00:50:28,150
and I hear some guy
say to his friend,

1046
00:50:28,150 --> 00:50:31,612
[IN COUNTRY ACCENT]
"Man, those ladies
sure are in a hurry."

1047
00:50:31,612 --> 00:50:32,571
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1048
00:50:44,792 --> 00:50:48,003
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
So, we didn't do any more
running that night.

1049
00:50:51,048 --> 00:50:52,424
Stupid...
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

1050
00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:57,263
That's why Kentucky is stupid,
'cause they're mean.

1051
00:51:00,349 --> 00:51:02,268
The next year...
So the next year,

1052
00:51:02,268 --> 00:51:05,354
we did a New Year's Eve
Special for Three Sheets,

1053
00:51:05,354 --> 00:51:07,690
and we went to all these

1054
00:51:07,690 --> 00:51:09,942
international bars
in New York City.

1055
00:51:09,942 --> 00:51:14,154
And then we brought Steve in,
and we went to a bar
called Whiskey River.

1056
00:51:14,154 --> 00:51:17,241
Sort of as an homage
to us being in Kentucky.

1057
00:51:17,241 --> 00:51:21,287
And so we went in there
and Steve and I, we had some
beers and some whiskey inside.

1058
00:51:21,287 --> 00:51:22,538
And then we were done.

1059
00:51:22,538 --> 00:51:24,123
We were going to go
to another bar,

1060
00:51:24,123 --> 00:51:26,917
and this is a Tuesday
in November

1061
00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:29,169
and we walk outside.
This is in Lower Manhattan.

1062
00:51:29,169 --> 00:51:31,088
It was so quiet.
There's no one out.

1063
00:51:31,088 --> 00:51:34,216
Just two cops
standing across the street,
talking to each other.

1064
00:51:34,216 --> 00:51:37,386
We come outside the bar.
It was cold
and buttoned up our jackets,

1065
00:51:37,386 --> 00:51:40,889
and Steve's like, "Hey, you
want to run to the next bar?"
I'm like, "Nah, we can walk."

1066
00:51:40,889 --> 00:51:45,978
He's like, "I'll bet you
the next round, I can
make you run to the next bar."

1067
00:51:45,978 --> 00:51:49,189
I was like, "You are on.
I'm not running
to the next bar buddy."

1068
00:51:49,189 --> 00:51:50,816
He's like, "All right,"

1069
00:51:50,816 --> 00:51:54,570
reaches into his jacket,
and pulls out
a full bottle of beer.

1070
00:51:54,570 --> 00:51:57,823
He throws it high up in the air
and he goes, "Run, bitch!"

1071
00:51:57,823 --> 00:51:59,783
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1072
00:52:01,201 --> 00:52:03,954
So we continued
our run that evening.

1073
00:52:05,789 --> 00:52:09,501
When I was shooting
Three Sheets, uh,
I was in New York City,

1074
00:52:09,501 --> 00:52:12,463
and at a bar,
I met Mark Cuban.

1075
00:52:12,463 --> 00:52:15,424
Billionaire Mark Cuban,
owner of the Dallas Mavericks,

1076
00:52:15,424 --> 00:52:18,761
owner of a TV network
called HDNet at the time.

1077
00:52:18,761 --> 00:52:20,846
He told me that he loved
Three Sheets.

1078
00:52:20,846 --> 00:52:23,098
He wished that Three Sheets
was on his network,

1079
00:52:23,098 --> 00:52:26,894
and when the network
that Three Sheets was on
went off the air,

1080
00:52:26,894 --> 00:52:28,520
I called Mark Cuban.

1081
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,315
And I said, "Hey, man,
why don't we make a domestic

1082
00:52:31,315 --> 00:52:33,275
"version of Three Sheets.

1083
00:52:33,275 --> 00:52:36,362
"Shoot it just in the US.
We'll call it
Drinking Made Easy."

1084
00:52:36,362 --> 00:52:39,114
He's like, "Okay,"
and I was like, "What?"

1085
00:52:39,782 --> 00:52:41,742
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1086
00:52:41,742 --> 00:52:43,744
What the fuck?

1087
00:52:43,744 --> 00:52:48,248
I literally was like,
"Did I just con a billionaire
into paying me to drink?"

1088
00:52:48,248 --> 00:52:50,042
Because think about this.

1089
00:52:50,042 --> 00:52:54,630
The audacity of me to think,
we had just shot a show
that he loved.

1090
00:52:54,630 --> 00:52:56,548
And we
shot it all over the world,

1091
00:52:56,548 --> 00:53:01,762
in 50 countries, seven, eight,
nine, 10, 11 continents.

1092
00:53:02,429 --> 00:53:04,890
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1093
00:53:07,518 --> 00:53:09,686
Obviously, there's only 10,
people know this.

1094
00:53:09,686 --> 00:53:12,689
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1095
00:53:12,689 --> 00:53:15,609
The thing that I thought,
we could shoot a show

1096
00:53:15,609 --> 00:53:19,321
in one country and make it
as interesting as a show,

1097
00:53:19,321 --> 00:53:22,324
we shot all over the world,
but we did it.

1098
00:53:22,324 --> 00:53:26,203
We loaded up two tour buses,
filled them with
17 crew members.

1099
00:53:26,203 --> 00:53:27,538
Seventeen people.

1100
00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:30,666
We went out
and we shot 24 episodes of TV,

1101
00:53:30,666 --> 00:53:35,754
a one-hour live comedy special
and 51 standup comedy shows,

1102
00:53:35,754 --> 00:53:37,089
in 87 days.

1103
00:53:37,089 --> 00:53:39,216
I gained 87 pounds.

1104
00:53:39,216 --> 00:53:40,801
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1105
00:53:42,594 --> 00:53:45,139
And when we started doing it,
we realized, like,

1106
00:53:45,139 --> 00:53:48,267
"Wow, the US is very big,"

1107
00:53:48,267 --> 00:53:54,565
but to put it in perspective,
you can fit 33 European
countries inside the US.

1108
00:53:54,565 --> 00:53:58,110
And so, as similar as we are,
we're also very different.

1109
00:53:58,110 --> 00:53:59,987
You think about
drinking cultures in Maine,

1110
00:53:59,987 --> 00:54:05,492
in Boston, New York, Philly,
Miami, New Orleans,
Los Angeles, Anaheim,

1111
00:54:05,492 --> 00:54:08,120
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

1112
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:11,915
Alaska, Hawaii... like wow,
like, this is a show
that needed to be made.

1113
00:54:11,915 --> 00:54:14,710
And when we were in Boston,

1114
00:54:14,710 --> 00:54:18,547
I get this, this gift,
this package
delivered to my bus.

1115
00:54:18,547 --> 00:54:20,299
And I open it up,

1116
00:54:20,299 --> 00:54:23,844
and it's from Jim Koch,
the owner, the founder
of Sam Adams Beer.

1117
00:54:23,844 --> 00:54:26,889
And it is a bottle
of Sam Adams Utopias,

1118
00:54:26,889 --> 00:54:30,851
which is a 28% alcohol
by volume beer,

1119
00:54:30,851 --> 00:54:33,353
aged for up to 30 years.

1120
00:54:33,353 --> 00:54:37,691
And on the bottle was written,
"Zane, you're kicking ass,
brother. Love Jim."

1121
00:54:37,691 --> 00:54:39,151
-[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]
-Amazing!

1122
00:54:39,151 --> 00:54:41,111
Amazing!

1123
00:54:41,111 --> 00:54:44,072
So I take this bottle,
this gift, obviously
stash it away in my bus,

1124
00:54:44,072 --> 00:54:49,286
and we continue to collect
not just things but revelations
and ideas and memories.

1125
00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:51,371
And it was an amazing,
amazing summer.

1126
00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:54,708
And we had one day,
we were in Boise, Idaho,

1127
00:54:54,708 --> 00:54:56,752
and we didn't have
anything to shoot.

1128
00:54:56,752 --> 00:54:58,170
We didn't have
anything to perform.

1129
00:54:58,170 --> 00:54:59,755
We didn't have
a show there at all.

1130
00:54:59,755 --> 00:55:02,132
It was Fourth of July,
so we took the day off

1131
00:55:02,132 --> 00:55:04,426
and I said,
"Let's just have a party."

1132
00:55:04,426 --> 00:55:07,888
So we parked the two tour buses
at a right angle.

1133
00:55:07,888 --> 00:55:11,350
Had these big floodlights
out on us,
we had a barbecue going.

1134
00:55:11,350 --> 00:55:15,812
These coolers of all
the craft beer we collected
from all over the country.

1135
00:55:15,812 --> 00:55:18,815
And we had a party
and we had
a cornhole tournament.

1136
00:55:19,441 --> 00:55:20,526
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

1137
00:55:20,526 --> 00:55:22,194
And it started off
with everybody,

1138
00:55:22,194 --> 00:55:25,030
and it ended up
with Steve and me.

1139
00:55:25,030 --> 00:55:26,698
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1140
00:55:26,698 --> 00:55:31,036
And Steve had
one bean bag to throw
to win this entire thing.

1141
00:55:31,036 --> 00:55:33,830
And he cocks it back.
And he lets it go.

1142
00:55:33,830 --> 00:55:36,583
And as soon as it left his hand,
I knew it was in.

1143
00:55:36,583 --> 00:55:38,210
It came to me in slow motion.

1144
00:55:38,210 --> 00:55:39,169
[MIMICS PUFFING]

1145
00:55:42,339 --> 00:55:44,174
Right in the hole, and he won.

1146
00:55:44,174 --> 00:55:46,969
And people were cheering
and drinking their beer,

1147
00:55:46,969 --> 00:55:50,764
and Steve bent down
and picked up that bottle
of Sam Adams Utopias

1148
00:55:50,764 --> 00:55:53,183
he'd stolen from the bus,
and he chugged it.

1149
00:55:53,183 --> 00:55:55,894
And before I could get to him,
he smashed it on the ground.

1150
00:55:55,894 --> 00:55:57,771
[AUDIENCE GROANS]

1151
00:55:59,940 --> 00:56:01,608
Now, listen...

1152
00:56:01,608 --> 00:56:04,361
As I mentioned before, I want
you guys to have a good time.

1153
00:56:04,361 --> 00:56:07,281
I do not want you to walk away
having learned anything.

1154
00:56:07,281 --> 00:56:08,407
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1155
00:56:08,407 --> 00:56:10,117
Don't. Don't learn a thing.

1156
00:56:10,117 --> 00:56:12,995
But I do want you to know
that my friend is an asshole.

1157
00:56:12,995 --> 00:56:14,121
That's important.

1158
00:56:14,121 --> 00:56:15,205
That's important to me.

1159
00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:18,041
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1160
00:56:18,041 --> 00:56:22,462
So because we had
such low expectations

1161
00:56:22,462 --> 00:56:24,715
for what we would find
in Drinking Made Easy,

1162
00:56:24,715 --> 00:56:27,634
I think that led
to the biggest surprises.

1163
00:56:27,634 --> 00:56:32,347
And the biggest surprise
of all happened
in Baton Rouge, Louisiana,

1164
00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:35,559
and there we get to this
place called Fred's.

1165
00:56:35,559 --> 00:56:37,561
We go into this bar
and we're ready to shoot.

1166
00:56:37,561 --> 00:56:40,772
But these guys, I mean,
this is Southern hospitality.

1167
00:56:40,772 --> 00:56:43,775
They had a crawfish boil
and all this food and drink.

1168
00:56:43,775 --> 00:56:46,612
They wanted us just to hang out
before we even started shooting.

1169
00:56:46,612 --> 00:56:49,114
So we did. We had
an amazing meal,
amazing drinks.

1170
00:56:49,114 --> 00:56:50,741
Then they're ready to show us.

1171
00:56:50,741 --> 00:56:53,327
They want to show me this drink
called the Cracky Sack.

1172
00:56:54,995 --> 00:56:57,706
Yeah, it's called
the Cracky Sack.

1173
00:56:57,706 --> 00:57:00,334
For people in the back,
it's called
The Cracky Sack Shot.

1174
00:57:00,334 --> 00:57:01,293
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1175
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:05,589
And so, it's very simple.
What happens is,

1176
00:57:05,589 --> 00:57:09,426
one person stands at the bar,
he's got an empty shot glass.

1177
00:57:09,426 --> 00:57:13,138
And then his buddy, uh,
gets up at the end of the bar

1178
00:57:13,138 --> 00:57:16,391
very carefully,
gets up at the bar,
walks over to this spot,

1179
00:57:16,391 --> 00:57:18,727
and he positions himself here.

1180
00:57:18,727 --> 00:57:21,688
And he stands here
and he faces all of the booze

1181
00:57:21,688 --> 00:57:22,856
at the back of the bar.

1182
00:57:22,856 --> 00:57:24,191
The whiskey, the tequila,

1183
00:57:24,191 --> 00:57:26,401
the gin, the vodka,
he's facing that way, okay?

1184
00:57:26,401 --> 00:57:29,488
Now, this guy standing here,
he holds the shot glass

1185
00:57:29,488 --> 00:57:32,449
and that guy on the bar...
gets naked.

1186
00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:35,077
[AUDIENCE GROANS]

1187
00:57:35,077 --> 00:57:37,788
And it actually
gets worse from this point,
which is interesting.

1188
00:57:39,414 --> 00:57:42,501
And so the guy in the bar,
the naked guy in the bar,

1189
00:57:42,501 --> 00:57:45,587
takes a bottle of whiskey.

1190
00:57:45,587 --> 00:57:47,255
Now, I don't want to say
the name of the brand.

1191
00:57:47,255 --> 00:57:49,424
I don't want to tarnish
their reputation.

1192
00:57:49,424 --> 00:57:52,636
Besides, I don't think
the people at Jack Daniels
would appreciate that.

1193
00:57:52,636 --> 00:57:54,096
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

1194
00:57:54,096 --> 00:57:55,389
I'm not going to do it.
Guys, I'm not going to do it.

1195
00:57:55,389 --> 00:57:58,225
I respect them too much.

1196
00:57:58,225 --> 00:58:01,311
And he takes this bottle
of whiskey and he pours a shot

1197
00:58:04,064 --> 00:58:05,357
down his back.

1198
00:58:05,357 --> 00:58:06,692
[AUDIENCE SIGHS]

1199
00:58:06,692 --> 00:58:09,861
-Where it goes through his...
-AUDIENCE: Crack!

1200
00:58:09,861 --> 00:58:12,072
-And off his...
-AUDIENCE: Sack!

1201
00:58:12,072 --> 00:58:14,658
And into the glass on the bar.

1202
00:58:14,658 --> 00:58:17,119
[AUDIENCE GROANS]

1203
00:58:19,538 --> 00:58:21,206
Where this guy drinks it.

1204
00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:27,087
[AUDIENCE GROANING AND CHEERING]

1205
00:58:29,965 --> 00:58:32,884
Todd, that was amazing.

1206
00:58:32,884 --> 00:58:35,387
That was so good.
Seriously, I don't know what...

1207
00:58:35,387 --> 00:58:37,222
Pssht! Pssht! Doing!

1208
00:58:37,222 --> 00:58:38,348
[MAKES BEEPING SOUNDS]

1209
00:58:38,348 --> 00:58:40,267
I don't know. I don't...
[MUMBLES]

1210
00:58:40,267 --> 00:58:41,852
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1211
00:58:43,979 --> 00:58:48,650
And they showed us this,
and Mel, who's the producer,

1212
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:53,572
she had a question
that she thought
was going to stump them.

1213
00:58:53,572 --> 00:58:56,616
She said, what happens

1214
00:58:56,616 --> 00:59:00,537
if the guy in the bar,
the man in the bar, isn't a man?

1215
00:59:00,537 --> 00:59:03,039
What if it's a woman?
Then what do you call it?

1216
00:59:03,039 --> 00:59:05,709
And they said, "Oh,
then we call it a clam slam."

1217
00:59:06,376 --> 00:59:08,170
[AUDIENCE GROANS]

1218
00:59:17,053 --> 00:59:21,099
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]

1219
00:59:21,099 --> 00:59:24,311
And Mel has not asked
a question since then.

1220
00:59:24,311 --> 00:59:25,479
So that's nice.

1221
00:59:25,479 --> 00:59:28,440
That's actually
part of the good thing.

1222
00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:31,985
[CHUCKLES] And these guys,
these guys have watched

1223
00:59:31,985 --> 00:59:35,697
every episode of Three Sheets,
every episode
of Drinking Made Easy

1224
00:59:35,697 --> 00:59:38,116
up until this point,
and they were so excited

1225
00:59:38,116 --> 00:59:41,745
for me to come and take part
in their tradition.

1226
00:59:41,745 --> 00:59:43,622
But look, this is the only drink

1227
00:59:43,622 --> 00:59:47,000
in any of the shows
that I've ever done
that I passed on,

1228
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:48,960
and I don't know anybody
in their right mind

1229
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:51,505
who would do it.
So I had Steve do it.

1230
00:59:51,505 --> 00:59:53,048
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

1231
00:59:53,048 --> 00:59:55,008
You guys are amazing.
Thank you so much!

1232
00:59:55,842 --> 00:59:56,968
Good night.

1233
00:59:56,968 --> 00:59:58,595
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1234
00:59:58,595 --> 01:00:00,597
-♪ Pum pa ra rum
-♪ Paa

1235
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:02,891
-♪ Paa
-♪ Pum pa ra rum

1236
01:00:02,891 --> 01:00:05,143
♪ La la la la la

1237
01:00:05,143 --> 01:00:08,939
-♪ La la la
-♪ La la la la la

1238
01:00:08,939 --> 01:00:13,360
-♪ La la la
-♪ La la la la la

1239
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:15,737
-♪ La la bum, bum
-♪ La la bum, bum

1240
01:00:15,737 --> 01:00:19,157
-♪ La la la la la
-♪ La la la, hey

1241
01:00:19,157 --> 01:00:21,368
♪ La la la la la

1242
01:00:21,368 --> 01:00:25,497
-♪ La la la, hey
-♪ La la la la la

1243
01:00:25,497 --> 01:00:29,835
-♪ La la la, hey
-♪ La la la la la

1244
01:00:29,835 --> 01:00:32,045
-♪ La la bum, bum
-♪ La la bum, bum

1245
01:00:32,045 --> 01:00:35,507
-♪ La la la la la
-♪ La la la, hey

1246
01:00:35,507 --> 01:00:37,676
♪ La la la la la

1247
01:00:37,676 --> 01:00:42,055
-♪ La la la, hey
-♪ La la la la la

1248
01:00:42,055 --> 01:00:46,184
-♪ La la la, hey
-♪ La la la la la

1249
01:00:46,184 --> 01:00:48,395
-♪ La la bum, bum
-♪ La la bum, bum

1250
01:00:48,395 --> 01:00:50,522
♪ La la la la la la ♪