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ABOUT DRY GRASSES
Here.
This is for you.
Thanks. What is it?
The olive oil you liked.
- From the farm? - Yes, cold-pressed.
Thanks.
Did you go anywhere on holiday?
No. How could I?
Lots of trouble at the village.
My dad got worse again.
Hospital and injections.
With my mother, it's another story. She's all upset.
About what?
Because I'm not married.
Same old story.
But she's really out of control now.
Sulking, cross. Even got sick.
Really?
Spent holiday in bed because of that.
As if there was a decent girl and I didn't like her!
Be careful, they want to tax bachelors.
Stop it.
Believe me, my holiday was exhausting.
- Welcome back, sir. - Thanks.
- Welcome back. - Thanks, thanks.
Cut it out, boy!
- Good morning. - Yeah, good morning.
Well, well, well!
The teacher of teachers, welcome!
Hey, Nail, how's things?
Fine, fine.
Came back to the coral?
Yeah, what else can you do?
- Is everyone here? - They are.
- Hey, Samet! - Yes?
I got new chickens.
From now on, you can get eggs from me.
Okay, we'll see.
Tell the others, okay?
All right.
Hi.
Welcome back.
Is this all of us?
We're not enough for you, Samet?
With you here, how could it not be enough?
Firdevs the Great!
That's right!
Just don't want to be the sucker who showed up on time.
No, everyone's here.
It was so hard for me to get out of bed today.
We get used to being lazy so quickly, don't we?
- Right. - Bekir isn't here?
He's in his office. Had breakfast?
I haven't and probably won't.
If Firdevs isn't eating, me either.
She knows why.
Stop teasing me. Give me the other one, Nail.
- Try the honey. - From your hometown?
My brother's hives.
- Morning all. Bon appétit. - Good morning.
There's a cigarette butt in my cup. Nail, what the hell?
Must be the plumbers during the holidays.
Had I seen, I'd have stopped them.
That's outrageous.
They even took the broken taps with them!
Outrageous.
Come sit down. The food's almost gone.
- Here's your tea. - Thank you.
Nail says he has eggs. Did he tell you too?
What's up, Samet? Are you getting a commission?
This job doesn't pay enough. What else can I do?
His kids are in high school. He needs help.
Sorry, I can't eat this local stuff anymore.
You buy perfume from peddlers. Why not eggs?
What do you mean?
The perfumes were original.
I swear. They really were.
I checked the internet. I would never buy fakes.
I checked too.
They sell things left behind at airports.
So they're originals.
When did you find all this stuff out, Kenan?
The guy wasn't lying.
What's he doing with original perfumes out here in nowhere?
- Doesn't sound right to me. - Why not?
His tracksuits were fake.
But he told us they were fake.
Only after he found out I'm a sports teacher.
How could he know you're a sports teacher?
Because he saw me in a tracksuit.
Why would he hide it? He can sell tracksuits, too.
The man showed a little honesty
to make you believe a bigger lie.
A tracksuit counts.
- How do you know? - Well, how do you know?
All right, it's original.
It was original. I get allergies otherwise.
Morning. That's quite a spread.
Who prepared these?
Kevser did, bless her.
What about the schedule?
Bekir's preparing it now.
He'll be here soon.
Take your old classes again for today.
Here's notebooks.
Then we'll see.
Very funny. But you didn't scare me.
You're lying. I saw you flinch.
Me, flinch?
You shrunk back.
That's not fear.
That's just a reflex.
It's the same, sir.
All right, have it your way.
Here, this is for you.
It's heavy. I nearly threw it away.
Oh, so beautiful.
- You like it? - A mirror!
Look at it later at home.
Thanks very much.
Don't worry, I won't show anyone.
Sir.
You said you had an extra bedstead
that you wanted to give away.
- You still have it? - Yes.
I know someone who needs it.
Who?
Emirhan in the 8th grade.
It's in the basement.
But let me check first. Okay?
Now off to class.
The teacher's here.
Come on, sit down.
Right, enough. Everyone sit down.
Don't throw the markers on the floor. Pick them up.
They keep getting lost. Put their caps on.
Sit down.
Holiday's over.
Yes, sir, it's over.
How was it?
Good.
Mine wasn't.
Did you miss school?
Hey, what's going on?
Holiday's over.
It's a new semester.
Yes.
I'm your class teacher again.
Okay.
If you have any problems, come to me.
All right.
But not for nonsense, like "my friend hit me", okay?
But sir, he keeps kicking me.
He won't anymore.
But he does.
Welcome back.
C'mon, I'm gonna see Vahit.
I tried calling over the holidays.
They cut my phone cause of the bill.
Don't need it anyway.
I can't even pay you back yet, but I will soon.
Forget it.
And the security job?
It was a bunch of lies.
They'd rather get a dog than hire me.
I was stupid to get my hopes up.
They were right.
Why hire a terrorist like you?
For sure.
Welcome back, teacher.
Come, there's tea brewing at headquarters.
But I'll be gone soon anyhow.
I might have a job in a nightclub.
Where?
In Varto.
There's a nightclub in Varto?
- Good money? - Whatever they pay is fine.
Good thing I gave up smoking
or I'd be collecting butts in the streets.
You're still in the twilight zone then.
Fine, go.
I'll come fucking visit.
Where've you been, motherfucker?
Why would I come here when it's full of lowlifes?
That was two hours ago.
Asshole.
Don't piss me off.
Seref, three teas.
Forget tea. Fetch what's behind the boxes.
I'd fetch you a punch in the face,
but it'd be rude to the teacher.
Welcome, by the way.
Thanks.
I say to him,
"I'll pay you. Get those boxes down."
Say that when no one's around, then.
What are you talking about?
Was I supposed to kick them out?
Unbelievable, he can't make it over here in 20 minutes.
When there's whisky and stuff,
he's here in a sec.
Stop going on and fucking bring it out.
It's gone. Finished.
Shouldn't have ordered tea for me.
Can't go without having tea. No way.
He'll have tea at army headquarters.
No way. I'm not going there.
He can drink both here and there.
We're wine people.
Forget about whisky. It's not for lefties like you.
What's this? Like a fairy chimney. Wow.
But it's all made in factories now.
They say it tastes the same.
- No problem. Wine's wine. - Fill it up.
There's a bunch of mangy dogs around the school.
Can't we do something?
They won't harm the kids.
I don't mean the kids, but the dogs.
Poor things. They scratch all day long.
You see how people live here.
How do you expect anyone to care about the dogs
when no one cares about people?
That's right, but...
You start caring about every living thing,
you won't last long here, my friend.
Did you always not give a fuck or is it just now in the army?
What do you mean, sir?
Fill these out and bring them back to me. Okay?
Yes, sir.
If I'm not here, give them to whoever's in charge.
Yes, sir.
Well, Erdi?
I put it here.
Did I ask you that?
Someone must've moved it.
Did I ask you that?
I don't understand.
Did I ask you that?
Were you always a lazy fucker or is it just now in the army?
Maybe someone moved it.
Answer my fucking question.
Yes, sir, I always was.
What were you, Erdi?
A lazy fucker, sir.
Good job, you told the truth. Go get us tea.
Yes, sir.
I love when a man tells the truth.
Really. He's a great kid.
Welcome back again.
Tell me what you've been up to. How was it?
It was nice to go home. But it's the same old routine.
- Good. - What about you?
We don't get holidays like you.
We hang around here. We went to Erzurum once.
The kids kept going on about the shopping mall.
Otherwise nothing.
Hey, Berkcan, your thing is sorted. I talked to them.
Really? Thank you, sir.
It wasn't easy, but I managed it.
Thank you, sir.
I appreciate it.
Go on, carry on with your work.
And shut the door.
We have a female sergeant here, named Dilek.
I think you'd be right for each other.
Don't laugh like that.
I want to introduce you.
No, no way.
Why do you say no flat out?
Meet her, get to know her, text her.
If you don't like her, no problem.
Who knows, it could lead to marriage.
What are you doing? I'm still young.
Stop being so shy. Take action.
- I'm not shy. - Wait a minute.
What are you doing? Stop it.
Wait a minute. I'll ask her to come. Hello?
No. Leave it.
I'm telling you I'm not interested.
I don't believe it. You're crazy, you know.
Fine, but you're always hanging out with the wrong people.
Why?
The other day we were checking IDs in the tea house.
That guy, the one I just saw you with.
He's got an attitude.
"Why do I have to show ID in my hometown?"
I told him to cut the crap.
It's a routine check. Shut up.
Really? So?
So, nothing. He fucking showed it of course.
The guy's an asshole.
Seriously.
All the losers around here end up at our door.
You really have your work cut out.
You don't know the half of it.
The other day,
some guy calls the station stranded on the road.
Had to go in the middle of the night, find gas and fill his tank.
Really?
Better believe it.
- Hello. - Hi.
- It's Nuray, isn't it? - Yes.
- I hope you didn't wait long. - No, it's fine.
Have a seat.
Would you like tea or coffee?
I'd like a weak tea.
Thanks.
Weak enough?
That's fine.
Sugar's here.
Thanks.
Your school's pretty big.
Had to ask my way to the canteen.
Yes, large for this region perhaps.
Compared to our dump, everywhere seems like Paris to me.
- Which village? - Incesu.
Never been, but it must be harder than here.
Of course.
How long have you been there?
This is my fourth year.
- Enough for a transfer. - Yes.
Are you going to ask for one?
You kidding?
From the day I arrived, I've only thought about leaving.
- Where to? - Istanbul.
It can't be easy for you here either,
after all that time in Ankara.
That's right.
But your family's here, I guess. That's good.
Sercan said something like that.
Yes.
You live with them or something.
Sercan told you a lot about me, it seems.
No, not really. Don't get the wrong idea.
He knows I'm here.
He insisted I call,
said we'd get on well.
You draw too, I guess?
I'm just an amateur.
Community education level.
That's great. Really.
I studied it at school, now I teach it.
So I'm an art teacher,
but I haven't drawn in a long time.
I'm lazy, I guess.
But sometimes I take photos.
I head out into the wild, things like that.
That's nice.
Come on, teacher.
Thanks.
Get a bit closer to the horse.
Bow your head a little.
Like this. Okay.
Bow your head a bit more.
Turn it this way.
Look at me, into the lens.
I'm taking it now.
Today we study portraits.
- What's that? - Quiet.
People's faces. Today you'll draw this.
That's really hard, sir.
It doesn't have to be exactly the same.
Do your best. Change it if you have to.
Try to add your own touch.
We always draw the same things.
Mountains, rocks, snow, donkeys.
You draw the things you know well. What more do you want?
Wouldn't it be better if we drew the sea?
The sea? What for?
Would be nice. The sea and sun.
But how will you draw things you don't know well?
But we do know them.
How? Any of you seen the sea?
Where did you see it?
On TV, sir.
I don't mean that.
I mean in real life.
Yes, Delila.
I visited my aunt in Izmir.
- You saw it there. - Yes.
- Did you go in? - Yes.
Fine. Okay.
We can draw the sea as well.
I'll check my photos, then maybe we can do what you like.
What's the name of the sea at Izmir? Anyone know?
What's it called? Tell me, Aylin.
Aegean Sea, sir.
Well done, dear.
What other seas are there?
Tell me, Sevim.
Marmara Sea, Mediterranean, Black Sea.
Good job. Bravo.
It's always the same.
Something wrong, Bilal?
You always ask Sevim and her friends.
What does that mean?
From the start of the first semester, you've always asked them.
So what if I do?
It's a kind of discrimination.
Don't talk nonsense.
You fool. Be smart.
- But you always-- - Shut up!
Be careful when you talk to me.
Don't take advantage because I'm nice.
Behave yourself.
- Finish drawing. - Can we draw something else?
Draw whatever you want.
I'll get the Honda.
The Honda. I want to buy it.
- Really? - Yeah, life's short.
Has he dropped the price?
No, but I looked into it.
It's worth it.
- I see you've made up your mind. - Yeah.
It's cheap even.
Then buy it and relax.
Buy it. Yeah.
- We'll drive around. - Yeah, sure.
What's up, girls?
Aylin wants to call her dad
about staying for study period.
Study period? Never mind about that.
Don't let anyone touch these volleyballs.
You're usually here.
- Send them to me. - All right.
They say volleyball but keep playing football.
All right. Is your eye better?
- Yes. - Here you are.
Thank you.
Sir, Ibrahim fell off the slide.
Really? How?
He was walking on it.
He deserved it then, if he was walking on it.
Whoa!
What have you done, girl?
You've made a mess.
What class do you have?
Social studies.
Mr. Kenan is so boring.
How can you share a house with him?
Shush. You shouldn't talk like that.
But it's true.
- Did your dad say yes? - Yes.
Okay.
Can you let me and Aylin out of class now?
No way. Come on, get to class.
Mr. Kenan doesn't do anything anyway.
He just shows dumb videos.
That's right.
What more do you want?
Would you rather take notes for an hour?
No, but...
Come on, get to class.
- But... - Out of my sight!
Don't talk about your teachers like that.
Come on, off to class now.
What's up?
Let's go get water from the hill.
Come on.
Let's get some spring water.
Right. If we have to suffer here,
let's at least take advantage of that.
Exactly.
Look.
Who's that?
Is that her?
Yeah, I told you. I met her the other day.
Did you take that?
No, it's her Instagram account.
She's pretty.
Not bad.
- Want to meet her? - What?
I can introduce you.
Why?
I think you'd get on. You'd suit each other.
Why?
I don't know, you just would.
You're both from here. You're both teachers.
What does she teach?
English.
Nice.
You could learn English as well.
You always wanted to.
And you're both Alawis.
That's not important.
Maybe not for you and me,
but it is for families.
And she's smart and intelligent.
She does drawing and stuff.
If she's so great, why don't you date her?
I'm leaving here, man.
Besides, I don't want to get married.
You're the one who wants to, right?
That's true.
Your mother will be happy. You said she was upset about it.
Well, yeah.
I'll sort it out this year, anyway.
Don't think I'm not interested cause of her leg.
It doesn't matter to me at all.
You don't even really notice.
She's just got a slight limp.
It doesn't matter to me, either.
Maybe it's even better.
How?
You know.
Let me see.
WE WON'T BE SILENT.
She's left-wing, I guess.
Yeah, she's pretty.
She's really pretty.
Good morning. We're doing a quick search.
Girls line up at the board.
Boys to the back wall.
- Hurry up. Don't waste time. - Be quick.
Don't touch your bag, boy.
Get in line.
Where's the box?
There.
What's this? Who sits here?
- Me. - Is this yours?
Yes. My sister must've put it in my bag.
I really don't understand.
Such things at your age.
Whose is this?
Tell me boys, whose is this?
Yours?
You bring a penknife to school?
You've been told countless times.
It's forbidden.
You never listen.
Are you coming to school or a fashion show?
Here's a laser.
What's this?
Whose is this?
Mine.
It's not a school notebook.
What is it then?
Well, it's private.
Private?
You're at school. Private, how?
Stand up straight.
- Your nails... - I cut them yesterday.
Yesterday?
Yes, sir.
They grow that fast?
I really did, sir.
Cut them again before tomorrow.
We've told you, lighters are not allowed.
Are you coming to school or to a tea house?
What's up? What are you gossiping about?
It's funny.
What's funny?
The letter we found on your Sevim!
My Sevim?
What about her?
Poor thing. She wrote a love letter at her age.
A love letter? Sevim? To whom?
I don't know. Who could it be to?
Who could it be to?
I don't know. What do you think?
Don't know. What do you think?
What's all this secrecy? I don't get it.
There's a letter, so what?
What do you mean "so what"? There are rules.
Or why bother doing searches? Let them smoke.
Come on! You understand what I mean.
- It's not the same. - It is.
You never wrote a love letter in your life?
What do you mean? Not at that age.
Good for you. You've never had a life then.
What? You only have a life if you write letters?
Yes. Got nothing better to do than make fun of a child's letter?
You're obviously bored stiff.
What's up, Samet?
Why are you talking to us like that?
Give me the letter. I'll sort it out.
Take it, no problem.
What about the principal?
No, Samet's the class teacher. Take these too.
Okay, fine.
No need to get upset, Samet.
No one's getting upset.
Go sit in the warm teachers' room.
Why do you keep hiding in this hole?
Screw that madhouse. At least I can relax in here.
You're right about that.
Won't argue with that.
But you'll freeze in here.
Then make some tea to warm us.
I can make tea.
No problem.
The principal showed up late again.
- Really? - Sure.
He's newly married.
His wife must be so hot.
If I were him, I'd be late too.
Sevim.
It's you.
Come in.
You've got my letter, sir.
Can I have it?
My letter. You've got it.
Can I have it?
Sir, give it back.
Sevim...
why are you crying?
I don't get it.
Who told you I had the letter?
Who? Mrs. Kevser?
Sevim.
What's wrong?
Sevim, look--
Okay, it's all right.
Yes, I had your letter.
But I didn't read it and I won't.
I tore it up and threw it away. No need to worry.
Where, sir? What if someone finds it?
Even if they did, they couldn't read it. It's in tiny pieces.
Don't worry.
There's nothing to worry about.
Did you think I was like the other teachers?
These things are normal for me.
Being in love is a wonderful thing.
Okay?
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
When I was your age,
I was in love...
with my literature teacher.
I saw her face everywhere.
Time passed and a lot changed, of course.
But one thing I'm sure of,
I never had such strong feelings ever again.
Okay?
I never again had feelings
that were so pure, innocent, and powerful.
Really.
You should appreciate these years, okay?
These experiences are so valuable
and so hard to find--
Please, sir.
Give me the letter, I'm begging you.
For God's sake, what did I tell you, Sevim?
Aren't you listening? I said I tore it up and threw it away.
Don't you believe me?
The letter's gone. It doesn't exist anymore.
Come on in. Don't you see the door's open?
Here's your tea.
All right, Sevim?
Okay? Here's your gift.
Put it back in your bag.
It's yours, you know?
But don't bring it to school anymore.
Those idiots don't understand such things.
I was scared you'd say it was my present.
Well done for not talking.
I didn't exactly get what was happening in there.
If I had, I wouldn't have let them.
Anyway.
So?
Did you read any of the books I gave you?
Won't you give me the letter?
Not taking your gift?
What's up with her?
Aren't you coming?
I'll get my coat.
We're going to Turnagöl next week.
- What for? - Parent visit.
- Really? - Yeah.
I'm sick of every new principal's crappy projects.
We do everything, so he can suck up to the Directorate.
It's a pain for the families too.
Some are worse off than others.
Kids can be embarrassed by where they live.
Someone needs to tell that clown to stop the bullshit.
Something happened on the last parent visit.
It was awful.
I didn't see my zipper was down. We went in and sat.
Everyone was staring at me.
Something was off but I didn't know what.
I leaned back,
and the bottom of my shirt stuck through my open zipper.
It was a disaster.
That was when the guy asked me if I wanted sugar.
I got up,
took some sugar and immediately bent over.
She's here.
- Hi. - Hi. Welcome.
Sorry. Hope I'm not too late.
No, not at all.
This is my friend Kenan, my housemate.
Came to town together today.
Nice to meet you.
- Likewise. Welcome. - Thanks.
- Have a seat. - Sit by the window.
- No need. - No, please.
Thanks.
- I'll take your coat. - Thanks.
Want a drink? We already ordered.
No problem.
Tea again, weak.
Something sweet?
No, thanks. Tea's fine.
Weak.
What have you been up to? How's school?
Fine. The usual.
School, then home at night.
I pass the time by drawing and stuff.
You draw?
Yeah. I try.
That's a great thing to do.
I started while I was at the hospital in Ankara.
I liked it so I carried on.
That's nice.
Have you ever exhibited?
Sort of.
We have an association in Ankara.
We held an exhibition to support prisoners' families.
Nothing big.
You're an English teacher, right?
Yes, but I don't know if I'm teaching them English
or they're teaching me Kurdish.
This is your first year here?
Yes.
So two years before you can transfer.
No. Because of my disability, I can go whenever I want.
Really?
And wherever I want.
That's great.
Sometimes I think about asking for Istanbul. My sister's there.
That's great.
Yeah, there's something like that in the regulations.
So, will you go?
Maybe.
But my parents don't want me to.
And the incident wasn't that long ago.
It's okay here...
but it can be tough.
I don't know.
I think you should go.
No, no.
I get it.
I had a wide circle of friends in Ankara.
- I was very free. - Definitely.
I thought I'd never come back here.
But here I am.
Don't be like that.
Not all dreams come true.
It wasn't a dream. It was an idea.
Of course it was.
But things didn't work out.
If I stay here, maybe I should get a car?
That's a good idea. Yes.
A car means freedom.
Definitely.
You can at least go out and explore the countryside.
Exactly.
- I like traveling. - Yeah? Me too.
I do it all the time.
Nice.
Traveling's fine, but it's hard in the snow.
No, it's not. You can still travel. Ignore him.
All the roads are open.
- Travel to where? - Wherever you want.
- Lots of great places around here. - Such as?
Such as Diyadin Canyon. Ever been?
- The one near Agri? - Just after Agri.
- How'd we get there? - By car.
Fine, but if there's a snowstorm you can't get through.
If you always worry, you never do anything.
You just have to do it.
Must be nice there, I guess.
It's a beautiful place.
I went there a few years ago with friends.
An incredible view.
- Wow. - Yeah.
There are great places to see nearby.
Definitely.
I can take you someday if you like.
What?
We can go someday if you want.
You have a car?
An old wreck.
Yes. Until you get yours,
me and my wreck...
are at your disposal.
Thanks a lot.
Kenan!
Corner kick.
Kenan!
Come here.
The Director of Education wants to see you and Samet.
- What for? - Where's Samet?
- At home. - Call him right away, okay?
- Something wrong? - I don't know. Hurry, okay?
There's Samet.
- Tell him. - They didn't call us.
- I don't know. - Hope it's not serious.
What's up?
The Director wants to see us.
- Who? - The two of us.
Why?
I don't know. The principal just told me.
- Bekir? - Yeah.
Didn't you ask why?
Sure, but he didn't say.
What do you mean?
He mumbled something. I didn't understand.
Couldn't you ask him properly and find out?
We have to go, anyway.
What did he say, exactly?
Something about a project.
Said he didn't know.
Fuck him, he doesn't know.
- When? - Right now.
- Right now? - Yeah.
Damn.
I'll call Bekir.
If he doesn't know,
maybe they're making you principal and me vice principal.
What?
Anything's possible.
Asshole isn't answering.
Who was with him?
I don't know.
So, think we got promoted?
Look at you. Are you getting excited?
Come in.
Come on in.
Take a seat.
You sit there.
What's-his-name will be here in a minute.
Fatih!
Yes, sir.
Bring us tea.
Bring one extra.
How's it going?
- Good. - Thank you, sir.
How are you?
Is the school warm enough?
It's fine this year.
Good.
Okay.
Stick it out. We want to install central heating.
We've done it in six villages.
We'll do it everywhere as the budget allows.
We already have central heating.
Right. I mixed you up
with Karasu.
We want to install it there too.
That's good.
Determined...
to replace all the stoves in the area.
Right.
Mr. Bekir said you wanted to see us.
We came straight away. He didn't say why...
Here's the tea.
Thanks.
Come in, Atakan.
Sorry, I'm late.
Take a seat.
Atakan is the counselor at the boarding school.
- Hello. - Hello.
Well, guys.
It was almost curtains for you.
You escaped by the skin of your teeth.
What do you mean, sir?
This isn't easy to talk about, but...
there are allegations of inappropriate contact with students.
What?
How?
Your genius principal sent us his report straight away,
so the district governor knows too.
About what?
I don't understand. There's a complaint against us?
Yes.
About your closeness to the students.
What have we done?
Fortunately, the governor is a sensible man.
He buried the report.
I wasn't here. Otherwise, I'd have blocked it myself.
It must be a misunderstanding.
What's the problem exactly? Who...
There's no misunderstanding.
Unfortunately, the complaint is about you two.
About us? What complaint?
Look.
Things like this happen every year.
We investigate and it's usually nothing.
Since your school has no counselor,
the complaint went to the principal.
And he sent it here at the speed of light.
I called to warn him not to pour gas on the fire.
These situations are potentially explosive.
You never know what can happen.
- Right, Atakan? - Yes, sir.
Things can get out of hand
and suddenly you've got an angry mob.
You should always investigate first.
The governor got angry about the principal.
I don't get it.
Who's accusing us of inappropriate contact?
Besides, the principal sent us here.
He said nothing to us.
He thinks he's behaving professionally.
Look, you're fond of the kids and pinch their cheeks or whatever,
but at that age, their minds work different.
We never make shows of affection like that. Never.
I don't even show any affection
to my niece in school to avoid any misunderstanding.
What're you talking about? What's that got to do with it?
I've worked at that school for seven years
and look what happens.
I've been here thirty years
and they're still shitting on me.
It's that easy to defame someone?
Yes, it is. Sling mud and see what sticks.
What about honor and dignity?
Is it that easy to destroy?
Excuse me, but this is very serious.
Who says it isn't?
Don't be childish, for God's sake.
Which student complained?
Look.
This is all you need to know. Okay?
There's a complaint
and the counselor talked to the students to clear up the situation.
Yes.
What did they say?
I can't tell you that.
What do you mean?
We're accused, but we don't know of what.
- How can that be? - Yes, but...
Kenan, we just told you.
For God's sake!
It's about your contact with students. What more can we say?
But what's the exact allegation? If we knew, we could at least...
You want me to say "You did this, you did that"?
Like a child?
You're adults. Forget about it.
I spoke to the students in person.
Luckily,
the complaint is about your behavior in class.
What did we do?
- I can't tell you that. - What did we do?
Kenan, calm down. Let Atakan finish.
If it had been about something outside the classroom,
when no one else was present,
no one could help you.
Who made allegations? Or at least tell me what class they're in.
Again, in cases like this,
information is always kept confidential.
That's enough.
We can't give names.
You couldn't be objective then.
Listen here.
Don't ever try to find out who they were or you'll be in big trouble.
And even I won't be able to save you.
Knees bent. You'll get power from your knees.
Come on.
Not like that.
How are you standing?
Wait. Look at me.
Shoulders out.
Serve now.
Not like that.
What's going on? What's this nonsense?
I don't know, Tolga.
- How did you hear? - From Bekir.
He said he'd talk to you.
He talked all right.
He reported us to the district.
- Seriously? - Now it's our turn to talk.
- Is he in his office? - Hang on, wait.
Bekir? I want a quick word.
What's up?
You reported us without even telling us, why?
We just followed the rules.
What rules?
Look.
The damage is already done.
There's nothing to say.
Both the director and the governor
were shocked by how you handled things.
I only applied the regulations.
It's not about regulations.
Forget about them.
Don't hide behind the rules.
You know better than the directors?
Forget about them.
They tell you one thing, and me another.
They even said I did the right thing.
- Don't lie to me. - Why would I lie?
- We talked to them as well. - So?
Don't talk about lying.
Calm down, guys.
The door's open. Students will hear us.
Go outside.
Don't hang around here.
I understand you're mad at me.
You may be right, even.
But as soon as I heard it, I called a counselor friend.
It's their specialty, isn't it?
Sure.
He said, "Don't cover it up. Otherwise, you'll be blamed."
That's right.
I'm trying to put myself in your place
and think about our teachers too.
I'm thinking out loud. Maybe you could have--
No, no.
I'm trying to say--
Let's forget about who did this or that.
Everyone here should state their intent.
Intent? What intent could I have?
That's what I'm trying to figure out.
Come on now.
Put yourself in my shoes.
Well, I'm trying,
but I still don't think I'd do what you did.
- You'd do what? - Talk to the teachers first.
All right, but suppose the teachers were guilty?
Just supposing.
Would they say, "Yes we did it"? That'd never happen.
What if the kids' imaginations were manipulated to punish the teacher?
Who'd protect the teacher then?
Shouldn't the principal listen to both sides
and be brave enough to use his common sense?
If you were in charge, you'd think differently.
You were just trying to protect your own position.
Don't try to squirm out of it.
I'm not squirming. Show some respect.
I just followed the rules.
Don't hide behind the rules.
How many years have we been rotting together in this shithole?
Haven't we earned the right
to be told before a report is filed?
You're right, but these are not everyday issues.
You're not sure what to do when you hear things like this.
So you think you'd better ask an expert, right?
We keep saying the same things.
Tell us what happened from the start, for God's sake.
- We need to understand. - That's right.
On Friday,
that boy, Demir,
brought a laser to school and was pointing it at girls' skirts.
The girls complained to me.
So I gathered all the boys together.
- In the 8th grade classroom. - Yes. Tolga was there too.
And Kevser gathered the girls.
Where?
Kevser and Saime were both there. But Kevser spoke.
Where, I said.
- The 5th grade room. - Yeah.
Hold on. What did Kevser say to the girls?
General advice.
Advice? What exactly did she say?
Saime told me
it was on being careful about their looks and behavior.
Don't get close to the male teachers.
You're grown-ups now.
Be careful even when you walk past them.
Of course, that's sinful.
When walking past us?
That shameless prude!
Bekir knows the rest. He was there.
Kevser told the girls to keep things balanced and formal.
What's this about not getting too close?
And the teachers need to respect distances too.
So she asked if anyone had a complaint.
What's she up to?
I don't get it.
It's outrageous. It's not possible!
She said be careful. What's the problem?
I think she's full of it, but anyway.
Okay. And then?
Then two girls raised their hands.
Before they talked, I told them to come outside.
We came here.
- Who were they? - Never mind.
Come on, you can tell us.
At least tell us which class. Seventh grade? Eighth?
I can't say that either. There's a strict rule.
The director stressed that.
No names, to protect the students.
Who else was in the room then?
Me, Kevser,
Saime, and the kids.
We talked to them here, not in front of the other kids.
Doesn't matter. Kevser will tell everyone anyway.
What did the students say?
I feel bad even talking about it.
No, no. We have to know the allegations.
They said you put your arm round their waists and shoulders.
Me?
I've never done that.
I don't even do that with my closest friend.
- What the hell? - And me?
You keep pinching their cheeks. That's what they said.
Pinching? What pinching?
They were ready to say more,
but I got worried and cut them short.
God!
- Now, did I believe them-- - That doesn't matter.
It's not about you.
We're trying to understand what happened.
That's what I mean. What I believe isn't the issue here.
Don't get me started.
I've seen the principals here in the past seven years.
You pull strings to get the job,
then you mess it up and we suffer.
Nonsense.
Nonsense, how?
- Kenan, you're wrong. - The wrong's been done.
Look, Kenan. You know I'm not a union member.
I have no Directorate pals.
So what? Everybody knows everything.
Of course.
Everybody knows everything, don't worry.
A principal should know how to deal with a crisis like this.
Maybe you're mad at me because you think
you should be the principal.
- Not at all. - Maybe you're right.
You've been here longest.
But it's not my fault you didn't get the offer.
I swear,
when they offered me the job, first thing I said was
that whoever's been here longest should be principal.
Go ask them yourself.
That's not the issue.
It is.
No, it's not.
You've all known each other for years.
I came to this school after you.
I hear an allegation
and I don't know you that well.
So naturally, I can't be sure.
So I have to do what the regulations say.
What's done is done.
Tell us who they were.
Don't get me involved, please.
You're already up to your neck in it.
No way.
Don't get me in trouble.
You know there are strict rules.
Don't talk like the principal.
What'll we do?
Take up arms?
That's what I'm saying.
What does it matter if you know?
Let it stay an enigma. So what?
Everyone at school will know, except us.
That's absurd. The paranoia will kill us.
Everyone will hear soon, anyway. Don't leave us hanging.
So you'll find out then.
Hang in there. Don't get me in trouble.
You're such a coward.
What's the point of friendship
without some risk or sacrifice?
Don't try to sway me by talking about friendship.
It won't work.
Look how he talks.
You know they tried to fire you because you dated Firdevs?
We went and sorted it out.
We lied and swore for you. We took a risk.
Why hang on to a secret
that'll come out soon anyway?
Come on. Who'd fire me because of Firdevs?
Nonsense.
The mayor had a thing for your girl.
I know, but once he got rejected, he backed off.
So, isn't it natural he wanted to get rid of you?
No way. Makes no sense.
Look...
Okay, have it your way. I have nothing more to say.
Look.
We promise we won't say that we know.
Right, Kenan?
Sure. We know it's forbidden.
Neither the students,
nor anyone else will have a clue.
It's just not easy
to have this hanging over us.
The case is closed, okay?
No point in opening it again.
You're the one who understands us best in this dump, right?
Fuck you, Tolga.
Three, four, do do la la...
It's how kids' minds work.
You took her letter.
She's getting revenge for that.
And she's got a stupid friend who's pissed off at Kenan.
What?
Do you see how their minds work at that age?
Hang on. Are you telling us...
Look.
You never heard anything from me. Understand?
Of course, we'll act like we don't know.
That's the best thing to do.
Of course. We won't act like kids.
Hold on, are you definitely telling us it's...
Exactly. Those idiots,
Sevim and Aylin.
Unfortunately. It surprised me too.
But maybe it shouldn't have.
They say, "Nothing human is alien to me."
Okay, but it wasn't me who found the letter.
I even took it to protect her.
How would she know that detail?
She thought you read it.
And how am I involved?
- I didn't even know about the letter. - I have no idea, Kenan.
But don't even dream of talking to them about this.
You'll get into big trouble.
Case is closed.
Don't stir things up.
We know, the director warned us.
But it's outrageous.
You keep saying "outrageous".
It's way beyond that now.
But I told you to stop giving them gifts.
Look at that.
Am I the guilty one now?
I didn't mean it like that.
Well?
Around here, it's not like where you come from.
Every region has its own
realities and traditions.
Right?
Things like that might be misunderstood here.
Don't get me started
with your traditions for God's sake.
When it's just talk, you talk so big.
But when it's time to act, you're scared.
What's that have to do with anything? I'm just telling you the situation.
Fuck the goddamn situation!
You bow to consensus.
Why are you bleating about other injustices, then?
Calm down.
Was it wrong to try to stretch your narrow-minded habits?
Take a risk to bring civilization here?
That'll bring civilization?
How else will it come?
Look around. If we teachers don't do it, who will?
If we're also trapped in this oppressive culture of yours,
who's gonna do it?
Look, this place has even twisted your thinking.
Where you're from, maybe we'd already be in court now.
What are you on about?
So you've always thought this way
about the gifts but were never upfront.
You waited until now. That's actually what annoys me.
So what? Can't we give a gift to a good student?
No one's saying that.
But if the school board
hears about these gifts later,
it might cause serious problems.
That's why.
You made me eat everything.
I polished it off so it's not wasted.
- Good morning, sir. - Good morning.
Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
Sit down.
Notebooks out.
Notebook.
- They're out. - No talking.
Notebooks out.
Title.
Perspective.
What?
Perspective.
What's that?
Quiet.
- Do we write in our drawing pads? - Wherever you like.
No talking, write. Quiet!
No talking.
I'm trying to force something into your tiny brains.
Don't make it harder.
All right?
None of you will become artists.
That's clear.
You'll plant potatoes and sugar beets,
so the rich can live comfortably.
Isn't that so? Unfortunately, it is.
That's reality. There's nothing we can do.
But the show must go on.
So don't talk, and write what I say.
Do we write the bottom part, sir?
What?
The part at the bottom. Do we write that too?
Why are you asking?
There's space there. Shall we write that?
I said, why are you asking?
- Should we write that... - I'm asking why.
Don't you understand?
What language am I speaking?
You didn't explain what we needed to write.
Write whatever you like.
What the hell am I doing here?
- You wanted to see me? - Come in.
Some of the students came to me
and said that you insulted them.
- They got scared, I guess. - Really?
They took it hard.
Who are they?
Doesn't matter who.
They said you told them to plant potatoes and whatever.
Just telling you to be careful.
Right.
Because there'll be trouble if they tell their parents.
You know they're dreamers.
I get it.
Let's take it easy. Okay?
Okay, I get it.
I really get it.
Sit down.
Come. Come here.
You. I'm telling you.
Come up here.
You're lucky you live far.
You have a long ride to get here.
Otherwise, I'd expel you from my class. Got it?
Go outside now.
Go and stand by the door.
Go on, out.
Go out.
Get out.
Out.
Anybody else itching for trouble?
Don't be shy, we'll sort it out.
Sefa, great tie!
Yes, sir.
You should lend it to me one day.
All right, I will.
- Sir? - Yes?
You're the first teacher to get mad at Sevim.
I wasn't expecting it.
That's how it goes.
I'm really surprised.
"Call no man happy till he dies."
- Isn't that right? - Yes, sir.
My advice is,
don't believe the gossipers and schemers in class.
- Okay? - Okay, sir.
If you see any of their nonsense, come tell me.
- All right? - All right, sir.
Okay.
Yes?
Sevim told my sister--
All right boy, not now. I mean from now on.
Don't bring up the past like that.
We all know
exactly who and what these people are.
It's just a few, isn't it?
Yes.
There are always people like that.
What's important is knowing how to deal with them.
The best way is to keep your distance.
Stop being their friend.
All right?
All right, sir.
Don't lean on the wall.
I said, don't lean.
Stand away from the wall.
Yes, you. Away from the wall.
Away.
Look at us, Samet.
Our troubles are far from over.
I even keep away from my niece.
And yet, look what they say.
I've lost my appetite ever since.
Should've kept to herding instead of teaching.
At least I'd have some peace.
That's for sure.
Better off herding sheep in the mountains than at school.
Tolga pretends to empathize with us,
but he laughs at us behind our backs with Firdevs.
I heard them today. I think they're enjoying this.
Really? Where?
In the teachers' lounge.
They stopped talking when they saw me.
Let them fucking laugh.
If I could only leave this hole,
I'd never see any of them again.
Okay,
but it's still hard to digest.
We're colleagues, after all.
Fuck colleagues.
Everybody's out to screw each other.
They're all miserable, don't you see?
Yes, exactly.
But it really was a close shave.
We almost made headlines.
Don't exaggerate. No need to be that scared.
Why should I be scared after all I've been through?
You've been here seven years.
Boredom's all you've seen.
That's not true. Don't say that.
Even at the start,
it wasn't easy.
When I found out I'd been posted here
in August
seven years ago,
I was up in the mountains near our village
herding my dad's flock.
I felt relieved now that I had a career.
I was so happy.
And the same day we heard that my brother-in-law had died.
He'd just married my sister.
What happened?
He went to Diyarbakir, where my sister was teaching.
Nobody knew him there, of course.
They thought he was a spy and shot him right downtown.
No way.
Then the organization apologized.
They thought he was a military spy.
The guy's fucking dead.
What good's an apology?
That's bad.
Talking in blood has become the fate of our East, unfortunately.
I couldn't even celebrate becoming a teacher.
I found out what it's like to feel joy and sorrow at the same time.
Hey, you're leaving this year.
We don't have one photo together. Been housemates for two years.
Let's take a photo here.
Yeah?
Okay. What, a selfie?
No. Something better.
With the view behind.
Okay.
How do you want it?
Come here.
- You're putting it there. - I'll set the timer.
The view's beautiful.
- Gonna stand like that? - Yeah.
- Ready? - Go ahead.
How are you? Any better?
I'm good. Thanks.
After being on the drip?
Yeah, right.
I'll take this.
Go ahead.
Want me to get someone?
No need. I'll manage.
The list's inside. Even the boot sizes.
- Hand them out. - Okay.
Come in.
We asked for a coat for you.
Take any coat you like from the box.
Okay, sir.
I got one.
Good. There are bags there. Put it in one.
All right.
Look in the box, Delila.
You can take any coat and sweater you like, all right?
Can I take these, sir?
Okay. There's a bag behind you.
Put them in that.
Enjoy 'em. Don't show anyone.
Tell the next person to come in.
Thanks, sir. Goodbye.
Come in.
Are you in my class?
Yes.
- What's your name? - Halime.
Right.
Get what you want from the box.
It says boots here.
Okay.
What does your father do?
He's not here.
Is he in town?
Your parents are alive though, right?
Yes.
Okay.
- Have you chosen? - Yes.
Good. Nice choice.
Not too small for you?
- No, they'll fit. - Okay.
There's a bag behind you.
Put them in it.
You okay?
We were thrown into the air.
I remember being on the ground.
Everyone was shouting and moaning.
I was still in one piece there.
A steel ball had severed a vein and gangrene set in.
Unbelievable.
And then? Ambulances and police?
God, no. A police officer even said
"Sweep them up" to his squad.
It's in the report.
The ambulances were so late and taxis refused to take the wounded.
Didn't want their seats dirtied.
Yeah.
That and much worse.
I only made it to the hospital because a guy convinced a taxi driver.
I lost many friends there.
Did you see that guy later?
Yes.
He reached out five or six months later.
He's from the Eastern branch.
The time in hospital sucked.
Spent eight months there.
Most doctors were from our union.
They really tried to save the leg, but failed.
After they cut it off, I thought I'd die.
I never thought such pain was possible.
If they'd said, "We kill your parents and it stops,"
I'd have gladly said yes just to stop the pain.
Sorry for telling you all this while eating.
It's fine.
It's really unbelievable.
I'm lost for words.
You can't grasp certain things without experience.
This is definitely one.
Do the other teachers at school know about the explosion?
No, they think it was an accident. Some might know.
Don't they ask?
Not really. My school is big.
Everyone minds their own business.
And I'm not that close to anyone.
It's better they don't know.
They'd only judge you.
Funny thing is, until this happened,
even my family didn't know about anything.
They follow politics, but they're not radical.
Mine are the same.
How's your family gonna be radical?
They've spent their lives in a tiny village.
Their only cares are their cattle and marrying you off.
Don't say that.
I've seen such radicals and fanatics in that tiny village.
Kenan's from an Alawi village.
Same culture as you.
I don't care about that sectarian stuff.
- They're all primitive. - Definitely.
Sure.
But they must've been devastated.
- Who? - Your family.
Of course.
That's a whole different drama.
I won't go into it.
You can't tell from your walk.
Honestly! You walk better than me.
Thanks.
It's a quality prosthesis.
The government provides some, but none as good as this.
Theirs make you limp.
If you get your own, they only pay a small amount.
- Well, that's something. - Yeah.
What about the car, by the way?
Waiting for the dealership to bring it.
Oh, so you got one?
For sure.
Fantastic!
It takes a while, switching the gas and brake pedals.
That's great. Wonderful.
Congratulations.
It'll change your life, you'll see.
So, when's the dealership bringing it?
Can I take a photo of you?
Why?
I mean, sure you can.
You have quite an interesting face, actually.
A face that somehow embodies the story of this land.
- You think so? - Yeah. Definitely.
I'll use it for my portrait drawings.
Okay, sure.
Move the plate a bit.
You, move your arm.
Out of the frame.
I'll do it like this.
What should I do? Look at you?
Nothing. Just look at the camera.
At first, it looks like an ordinary face.
But then there seems to be a strange sorrow
somewhere deep inside.
I'm not exactly sure, though.
Sorry if I got a bit weird.
No, it's okay. Thanks.
Don't move.
Don't smile.
By the way, my parents will visit my sister in Istanbul soon.
You two can come, and I'll cook for you.
All right, but we wouldn't want to make work for you.
It's no trouble.
Don't expect a feast, but you won't starve.
Spaghetti and wine are guaranteed.
That's great.
- My favorites. - Yeah?
I love spaghetti and wine.
Okay.
I love them.
The weather's terrible.
Really?
Ice all over.
They let the tap at the mosque freeze.
I told them a hundred times. Leave the water running.
Even a dribble would be enough.
Some idiot always turns it off.
It's so cold. I couldn't see where I was going.
It's dark as a dungeon out there.
I better go after I finish this, then.
What?
I said, I better go.
Why? It's early.
No, I better go. The electricity's cut off.
Exactly, why sit in the dark at home?
- His mother's waiting. - What?
His mother's waiting.
Go to their street at any time of the night
and you'll see a tiny silhouette in the window.
That silhouette is his mother.
She waits there all night until he returns.
I've told her a million times,
I don't know when I'll be back.
But she doesn't listen.
As soon as I get near, she turns off the light and goes to bed.
Like I won't see. At least wait with the lights off.
I don't blame her. She doesn't trust you.
It's better now.
When he was younger, she'd go out
and look around for him at dusk.
She can't do it as much now.
Poor woman just waits at the window.
So she realized it back then.
What?
-"What" what? - What did she realize?
That you're a restless, good-for-nothing vagabond.
That's how it is here.
It's not just mine. Mothers here are on pins and needles.
When I was just seven,
on a dark night like this,
the gendarmes came and took my dad, right out of his bed.
As they were taking him away, he said, "Wait".
Stopped everyone.
Searched his pockets.
Found a lottery ticket, gave it to my mom and that was it.
Never saw him again.
That's why my mom has worried about me for years.
Not because I'm restless.
Anyway...
what's interesting is that
the only thing I remember from that night,
isn't my father.
It's the flicker on the ceiling from the stove.
I wondered for years
why I remembered that.
Then I realized it's not about what has happened,
it's about what's beyond the visible.
What goes on inside.
- Win anything? - What?
The lottery ticket, did you win?
Nothing.
Not even your money back?
No.
Fuck that. You won nothing from a ticket like that?
Forget that stuff.
Always the same story.
Same old words. Every year, he pretends to go.
Then I see him kicking back in the tea house.
You need to sort yourself out. Don't talk the talk,
if you can't walk the walk.
Want to go, do you? Then go.
You think guerrilla life's a picnic?
Find a decent job,
so your mother can sleep at night.
Save your mother first,
then you can save the world.
Fine, Vahit. If that's what you think, I'll shut up.
Look.
Times have changed.
It's not the same. It's a vendetta now.
Everyone's out for revenge.
Nothing's clear anymore.
No one knows who wants what,
or who won't give what, and why not?
It's obscure on all sides.
Look here.
Enter the swamp, you'll sink.
That's for sure.
But if you want to drain the swamp,
you gotta be smart and not enter it.
And you gotta give it time.
If you want to sink, that's up to you. Right, teacher?
Know what I think?
If you put up shelves and put that mess lying around on them,
the shop would look fresher.
Your heart's drying up, Vahit.
You seem gripped by fear.
Must be your age. But that's okay.
Who's talking about fear?
There's more to life than a full belly.
- Like what? - Lots of things!
I'll sink if I fucking must. What have I got to lose?
What have you got?
What about your life, idiot?
And your youth.
You think that's nothing?
You're just blowing hot air.
Talking nonsense.
A life is valuable even if it's aimless,
faithless, and dishonorable?
Give me a little whisky.
Of course it is.
It definitely is.
For sure it is.
You think anyone without a Mauser is a lowlife.
Don't you?
Who was it that said...
"Youth is such a wonderful thing,
what a pity it's wasted on the young"?
So, we're aimless,
faithless, and dishonorable?
No one said that.
But if you carry on, someone will.
So what if they do?
It's your problem. Why you fucking asking me?
But one day they will.
They'll need to have some guts to say that.
They'll need balls of steel to say that.
Whoever fucking says that,
I'll make 'em piss from their belly.
Don't be ridiculous. What's the gun for?
I'm surprised that
you didn't give that asshole what he deserved.
Always talking about honor.
What was I supposed to say to the guy?
You know what I mean.
Don't talk in riddles.
I said it, so you know your enemies from your friends.
If someone stands
in the middle of the fucking village
bad-mouthing you,
I wouldn't stand for it.
That's how I am.
I wouldn't allow it.
Am I the guilty one now?
I wish I hadn't opened my mouth.
No one's guilty.
If you don't shut the guy up,
if you let him talk,
he'll continue talking.
You always talk big,
but you won't even stop some guy mouthing off.
It's not right.
Sorry.
Anyway, I'm going.
Stay put. We'll go together.
- No. - We'll leave together.
I won't be able to get up in the morning.
So don't get up, then. Sit down.
No, no.
You two have fun.
Come on, sit down.
Hey.
What's your problem, for God's sake?
Aren't you being too hard on him?
What were you on about? I didn't even get it.
He comes here and keeps telling me
"So and so said this and that about you".
All kinds of crap.
The hell you doing about it, then?
Are you a statue or what?
Can't you speak up?
It's not the first time.
Yeah, okay.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I still think you're too hard on him.
It's not always easy to step in.
People talk. Forget about it.
Look, you've upset the kid for nothing.
You should just make up with him.
You see, it's not easy to stand alone around here.
Everyone wants you to pick sides.
Some call you a coward, others a traitor.
Someone else comes and says you're a turncoat.
That's how lives are lived out here.
I cured two cows for this one guy.
Then he came and shot my dog.
Why?
Because he's human.
Yeah, he's human.
What's up? Still awake?
Yeah.
I gotta turn the school lights off.
I was on duty and forgot.
You have tea?
No, but I can make some.
Okay, you make tea. I'll turn off the lights.
Okay.
The keys?
Right.
What's that? Did you draw all that stuff?
- What? - On the walls.
No, there was a history teacher here before me.
When he left,
he even asked me to pay for the kitchen counter.
- You shouldn't have. - I sure didn't.
When I didn't pay up, he tried to take the counter with him.
Asshole.
I'd never met such a creep before.
He kept burning his coal even in May so no one else could use it.
So, yeah.
He was a real asshole.
His kid must've drawn them.
Why haven't you painted the place since?
Why the hell should I?
Anyway...
by the way,
what happened is probably all over the village.
What?
- You mean, that...? - Yeah.
They make insinuations.
Like what?
Nothing really.
Just insinuations.
Fuck that. So what if it gets around?
"So what"?
They'll tear us to pieces.
Nothing will happen.
Don't be paranoid.
It's not paranoia.
It's just that I can't get over it.
Over what?
I can't get my head around it.
Or rather, can't make sense of it.
How could these girls,
who I think so highly of and who seem to adore me,
say such things about me?
That's children's psychology.
Who knows what they thought up?
Yeah, but it doesn't make sense. That's what bothers me.
Fuck it. Don't let it bother you.
Fuck you, Tolga, always so relaxed.
You're wrong. I'm in shock too.
I even said, "Look, girls. These are very serious accusations."
They said, "Yes, but it upsets us."
I asked, "Why did you hang around your teacher then?"
What did they say?
Nothing clear, of course.
"But sir, blah blah blah."
"Look", I said...
All right, but what did they say?
What did Sevim say, for instance?
I don't remember exactly.
Just stuff like, she's upset.
Also said she's scared.
Scared?
- Something like that. - Scared of what?
I don't know.
But it seems they went after Kenan more.
How's that?
As if they were mad at Kenan,
and you got caught up in it.
What do you mean?
I'm saying, maybe Kenan was their target.
Why?
Maybe Kenan's jealous that the girls like you and not him...
so he's acting overly friendly with them.
Is that possible?
I don't know.
Might be something like that.
You mean Kenan was their real target
and I just got caught in the middle?
Yes.
Aylin actually complained more about Kenan.
But Sevim said some stuff too.
Like he pinches girls' cheeks.
You serious?
Stares at them during lessons.
How about that?
He doesn't look brave enough for stuff like that.
Though he might be.
I don't know.
Sevim might've encouraged Aylin to avoid being alone.
You know Sevim.
Not that well.
That's what I think.
What am I doing here?
What kind of people are we involved with?
Why did we get into this fucking profession?
All those years spent studying.
Don't mention this to anyone.
Sure. Who would I tell?
It's just what I think.
It might not be true.
No, it's probably true.
Look at him.
Talk about a dark horse!
Lecturing me about ethics.
Saying I shouldn't give gifts and to respect sensibilities.
Well, well, well.
He thinks he can dump it in my lap.
What a rat.
- Hi. - Hi.
Did you eat?
Yeah, I got some pastries in town. Have some.
Wonderful.
I couldn't eat all day.
This is great.
Heat them up.
No need. It's fine like this.
Tea?
No, thanks.
Enjoy.
What's up?
What do you mean?
Why didn't you eat?
My parents' medication ran out.
They needed a new prescription.
The pharmacist refused. Said they had to come in person.
How can old people come all that way?
You were in town too?
Well, mostly at the hospital.
Really? If I'd known, we could've come back together.
We could've, but my timing was kinda mixed up.
Mixed up?
Went to a mechanic, too.
Couldn't eat with all that hassle. What did you do?
Remember,
they messed up my teacher score?
- I went to get it fixed. - They do it?
They whined, but it got done.
Nowhere else has such an awful education office.
How can they forget the service score?
Yeah, well.
Civil servants are people, after all.
True,
but this has a huge effect on a teacher's fate.
A few points can change where you spend your whole youth.
If you hadn't noticed, lots of people
would be ahead of you unfairly.
Exactly.
It's good that you sorted it out.
I thought I saw your car there.
I almost ran after you, but I wasn't sure.
Why didn't you call?
I didn't want to disturb you.
Why would you have disturbed me?
Don't know. Would I have?
Would you what?
Have disturbed you.
No, why?
I see you take bread home, Comrade Nuray.
Yet you leave poor dogs to die of hunger.
They have their fates too.
Wow.
I didn't think you believed in fate.
I'm full of surprises.
What're you doing here?
I left school early to go to the education office.
I needed some cash too.
You just got out?
Yes. We had a charity sale at school today.
Waste of time as usual.
Expected a festival? Just be grateful for the charity.
What're you up to?
You have time for coffee?
I can't now.
Okay.
Actually, I don't have much time either.
I need to get back.
Okay. Some other time, then.
Sorry.
No, it's all right.
- Some other time. - Okay.
What's Kenan up to? Is he at home?
Kenan? No idea. He said his father was sick.
I haven't talked to him since.
Like I said, I left early.
Haven't you seen him?
No, how would I have?
Don't know, just asking.
Anyway, talk to you later.
Okay. What are you two doing this weekend?
You could come over.
What?
I told you, my family's going away. Come for dinner.
Oh, yeah.
- Maybe Saturday? - Okay.
Fine for us. Have they left?
No, tomorrow.
All right. Tell Kenan, then.
7:00 okay?
Yeah, 7:00 is great.
Okay. I'll send you my address later.
All right.
Won't there be any problem with the neighbors?
- Neighbors? - Yeah.
We fought and won some rights, you know.
- Don't be silly. - Just asking.
- We fought for decades. - For sure.
Better believe it.
Just as I'd expect from you, Comrade Nuray.
See you later.
- Bye. - Take care.
- Hi. - Hi.
Come on in.
- You okay? - Damn it, I tripped.
Where's Kenan?
What if I say it's just me?
Why?
Kenan's got a lot on his plate.
His father's sick and old, you know.
You should've told me.
We could have postponed it or something.
You think so? I did think about it, but...
Have I been an asshole?
No.
- I'll go if you like. - No.
- Really. - It's not that big of a deal.
It's just too bad that he's missing out on the feast.
- Come in. - It's his loss, anyhow.
No, no need.
Did anyone see you come in?
- Did anybody see you? - No.
I snuck in like a thief.
But what about those rights you won?
Okay, but there's no need to push it.
By the way...
Thanks, there was no need.
It's nothing.
Nice.
No one's home, right?
Locked the folks in the closet. They won't cause trouble.
You look very nice, by the way.
The skirt suits you.
Thanks.
You get these at the grocer's?
They're wrapped like parsley.
Just in case. You know how things are here.
- I'll put them in water. - Okay.
Have a seat. Are you hungry?
We can eat straight away.
Yeah, maybe.
I'll sit down then.
Fine. Be back in a minute.
If you said you painted these, I wouldn't believe you.
I did. Why?
They're really good.
You call that "community college level"?
Oh, come on.
No, I'm serious.
You're much better than me.
I just don't get how you could find meaning
in Kenan's face.
You never know where you'll find meaning.
The time for transfers is coming. What will you do?
I'll try every trick to get out of here.
We'll see if there's an opportunity.
And you, still not considering it?
You can go anywhere. If I were you...
- It's hard for me to go. - Why?
First, my family isn't ready for that idea.
I know people in Istanbul.
Friends from the organization.
If I go there, I won't have any problems socializing.
Sure. Impossible not to socialize there.
If you can't there, you can't anywhere.
Someone needs to stay here.
What'll happen if we all leave?
Yeah, there's that too.
But you have to think about your own life.
Life will take care of itself.
I've done my share. Others can do theirs.
Four years! Isn't that enough?
If you say so.
But I think you're exaggerating a bit.
Exaggerating what?
You blame this place for all your problems. It's false.
What do you expect in Istanbul?
No idea.
Wherever you go, your problems go with you.
I can't think about that right now.
All I know is that this place is dragging me down.
All I see is emptiness.
Things shriveled and bent by the cold.
Hungry, sick, helpless dogs.
You'd manage to see the same things, even in Switzerland.
Don't worry.
Doesn't matter.
I'll face my destiny. Good or bad.
I say go big or go home!
Right.
I was like you before the explosion.
Rushing around like I was missing out with no foresight.
So I should be sensible, satisfied, and grateful?
- Not at all. - What then?
If you're complaining, it means something could or should be done.
You realize, get annoyed, and complain.
You should react, but you don't.
- You run. - What else should I do?
Devote my life to this place?
No.
I've done my duty and now I'm off.
I've given four years to this hellhole. Isn't that enough?
It is, but someone needs to do something.
I'm always for action. People need to get involved.
That's what the world needs.
Some more?
Sure.
For example, you follow politics and get mad at everything.
Do I?
You do.
I read the news but I don't follow anything closely.
You think that because I complain a lot?
You complain, but what changes?
My father's like you, as well.
He's retired and has nothing to do. He just gets mad.
Should he set himself on fire outside Parliament?
No, but complaining changes nothing.
- So? - You have to focus on action.
How do you view the world?
How do you place yourself?
- Place myself? - I mean, what "ism" are you?
"Ism"? What the hell is that?
You must belong to some faction.
I don't feel a need to define myself as anything.
Maybe I used to, but that phase is in the past.
It's not about phases.
How do you contribute to the world?
What do you do?
- Is this a goodness contest? - No.
I'm asking where you stand, where you feel you belong.
If you want to answer.
A sheltered life within a group with the same ideologies
isn't really for me.
- Why not? Don't believe in solidarity? - It's not that.
Maybe I find it incompatible with freedom.
- Why? - I don't know.
All I know is, something in me firmly rejects
that kind of existence.
It's not just about you, though.
What are you doing for the world, I'm asking?
Everyone contributes somehow. It's no big deal.
Those who are able, do things. And others don't.
- In society, everyone can do something. - Yes.
How do you feel when you see
rapes, corruption, and refugees in the news?
Upset, but the world's troubles are endless.
- You shut your eyes. - No.
You keep problems at a distance.
What if I do? Does everyone have to be a hero?
No, but you seem to embrace selfishness.
Isn't that why the world lacks reason, equality, and conscience?
You think the same rules
can be applied everywhere?
Is an idea that's logical to us also logical in Mongolia?
Cultures differ,
but aren't people's basic needs the same everywhere?
Don't ask me. I can't even get my own thoughts together.
Like what?
I don't know.
I think justice is a utopian idea. Equality too.
For that, everyone has to be the same, which is nonsense.
Everything's different.
The world is a struggle between different, ever-moving forces.
History is the sum of that, but we don't accept it.
I don't even like thinking about it, because it leads to chaos.
Whereas order is needed for life to continue.
So we prefer to believe your charming tales.
They're facts, not tales.
That's what the structure of history is.
You see chaos as a negative and destructive force.
"If only humanity had a nicer history!"
Unfortunately, it doesn't.
You keep proposing bowing down.
Isn't that contrary to your principles?
Not at all.
Fancy words will never replace bringing a bucket of water
to a place suffering from drought.
Can this wretched world be helped?
That's the only question.
I'm not opposing that.
- But why are you attacking me? - Cause you're here.
I'm tired of asking myself those questions.
Don't you think change is needed?
There are things that need to change and things that don't.
Am I happy with the state of the world? No.
But that doesn't mean I gotta belong to a clique.
- That's the real problem. - What?
Educated people like you getting lost in uncertainties.
They leave the public arena to the ignorant.
Maybe the public arena was designed for them.
Isn't it obvious that division is human?
Ideologies and even goals can easily be misused
to satisfy objectives.
I don't think much about these things.
Man dreams, tries, builds and then destroys.
That's how history unfolds.
For me, history recalls the weariness of hope.
Aren't you a product of this history too?
If we viewed history as a system, wouldn't that save us from confusion?
You believe people would really be happy if their needs were met?
Why not? That hope is all we've got.
Hasn't hope always been the key driving force for humanity?
- Like waiting for a messiah? - That's nonsense.
Doing something can never be equated with weakness.
Free society, but not individuals?
Social struggle involves social responsibility.
Where do you see yourself in this?
I'm in favor of freedom.
What freedom? What do you mean by freedom?
Human freedom.
History has a course, the planet too,
and the course of humanity is freedom.
You think socialists live in a cage with limited freedom?
It's freedom for people we're fighting for.
Well, I happen to be a member of some charitable foundations.
I'm not the one you should be grilling.
Your approach is weird though.
You act a bit lumpen. You don't want to get involved,
but if the work's done, you'll support it.
Should I get beaten by the cops?
You talk like a liberal.
Isn't that kind of support the same as siding with the strong?
So why not do it now? Go side with the government.
Bravo for making me pro-government.
You measure sensitivity.
That's as futile as judging a suicide.
I'm not measuring anything.
I'm annoyed that you stigmatize those who do something when you don't.
Isn't that the topic?
Would you be happier if I said I trusted people?
Say what you think. You do anyway.
But you generalize.
There are exceptions, and reasons for them.
I think, even self-sacrifice
often means indebting the other.
Even the suicide bomber does it to exist,
not to cease to exist.
I can't help but get mad at the undeserved trust
of ideologically motivated crowds.
Their sticky blind morality
and their happiness because they're like-minded.
Sorry.
Why is it so important for everyone to think the same?
And I'm all alone in the middle of all this noise.
But despite everything,
the whisper of that unique source inside me
reminds me how human it is to oppose and to feel bored.
Seeing the connection between obsessions and ideas
doesn't make me a degenerate.
Doesn't it matter that a person has the courage to sacrifice himself,
whether for an ideal, or a lofty cause, even if brainwashed?
Especially today.
Of course it does.
Then that means you should somehow understand
and forgive the suicide bomber that cost you your leg.
Can you do that? Whatever his thoughts or beliefs.
I can, if needed. That's not the issue.
And I didn't imply you were a degenerate.
What if those people you scorn came together over shared ideals?
Aren't there evils that are only overcome with the solidarity you hate?
- Of course. -"Of course".
Of course there are. I'm not saying the contrary.
What I'm saying is this.
You know very well, the actions of a society
are not equal to the sum of its individual parts.
Isn't that reason enough to stay away from the herd?
Whatever their reasons or motivations?
The well-off may have that luxury.
A proverb says, "If you travel in a herd,
all you'll see are asses."
Well for some, those asses might mean a blessing,
security, and warmth.
- Right? - I guess.
What about you?
How do you contribute?
- Me? - Yeah.
I can't anymore.
As you see, I'm retired due to disability.
Don't say that.
I mean, that's not what I see.
That's not where I'm looking.
I'm looking somewhere else.
- Refill? - All right.
You need time
to get to know someone.
On the other hand, certain things, if left to time,
would just be a waste of time.
Right?
Yes.
This process can be quickly handled with a few questions.
I'm sure it can.
No need to waste time.
It's not necessary.
Okay?
Now, for instance.
What are you like?
How do you mean?
What kind of person are you?
In what sense?
Answer the question however you understand it.
How you understand it is an answer in itself.
Shall I tell the truth or try to make you happy?
The truth, of course.
All right.
Very romantic, fond of his family...
charitable...
What? Can't that be true?
What do you think I am?
And your worst trait is excessive compassion, right?
How did you guess?
I'm serious.
Are you religious, for example?
Sometimes.
Do you think there's a God?
For those who believe, he exists.
You're avoiding the question.
Let's move on.
Are you fond of your family?
I'm not overly fond of anything.
Good, now we're getting somewhere.
What else?
Are you selfish?
Very.
Wow, you're brave.
When I'm not scared, yes.
Do you like children?
Depends on the child, I guess.
Are you a faithful lover?
Except in special circumstances, yes.
What do you mean?
I think you get it.
Moving on.
Do you have a girlfriend?
- Not for a long time. - Why not?
Let's say I'm picky.
You're modest too.
Let's drink to that.
Okay, last question.
Why didn't you tell Kenan about my invitation?
Take a guess.
You mentioned something about history earlier.
Hope.
Hope and what?
The weariness of hope?
Yes, that's it.
The weariness of hope.
Nice phrase.
I'm weary too.
Like I've lived a really long time.
Everything seems to take so long here.
Lessons,
breaks,
waiting for weekends...
nights...
everything.
Could you turn off the living room lights?
It's too bright.
- The lights. - All right.
Honestly, at first, it felt a bit weird
when my leg touched yours,
but I got used to it.
Interestingly, I even started to like it.
You're not mad I said that?
No, quite the opposite.
Besides, if we don't normalize it right away,
it'll hang over us like the sword of Damocles.
That's true.
In fact, for a moment it felt like
what you experienced was destined.
Like it happened to give you a second life.
As if this incomplete state had made you complete.
You always exaggerate.
But I like the idea.
Is that you?
Yes.
Early twenties were nice.
You lived as you pleased, without schedules.
Everything is so planned now.
This adjusts the suction.
Turning it up pushes the air out
and helps you walk smoothly.
That's good.
But it runs down the battery.
Wow, it's an advanced piece of equipment.
Expensive though.
About the price of a new mid-range car.
No way.
Maybe more, since the dollar's up now.
Listen.
Yes?
You won't tell Kenan, will you?
Tell him what?
What just happened.
I won't.
But why not?
No reason.
Just don't.
All right, I won't.
I won't, but what's the big deal?
Do you ever see him?
Sure. He's teaching me to drive.
Really? That's great.
Wow, Kenan.
You never mention this stuff.
Opening the shop on a Sunday?
My wife's yakking at home was driving me crazy.
I escaped to the shop.
I made breakfast for myself. Come have some.
No, thanks. I've eaten.
What happened to the kid? He's not around.
Who knows where he's hiding out.
He mentioned a nightclub job.
Same old stories, never mind.
Why?
Just asking.
Couldn't get the money?
What money?
Doesn't he owe you?
That doesn't matter.
Haven't seen him for a while. I was worried.
What about you? Did you clear the air?
Haven't seen him since.
Really?
- Has he called you? - No.
- How are you? - Good, sir.
- Your sister? - Yes.
- Hi. - Hi there.
Where were you?
All night?
Here now.
And you? Didn't you go to your village?
No, it wasn't planned.
I had extra lessons.
I got warm pastries. Hope you're not full.
- With cheese? - Yeah.
I'll have some then.
- Weak? - Okay.
- Looks good. - Yeah.
Where were you?
You know,
life's so strange.
Sometimes things happen that you'd never expect.
What happened?
I went to the education office yesterday.
My head was full of this transfer stuff.
I was walking around in a daze.
I got money from the ATM
and who did I see?
Who?
Nuray.
So?
We stood and chatted for a while.
So she invited me to her place for something to eat.
I said okay.
Her family had gone someplace.
We went there and talked.
It was such a nice talk. Really.
I wasn't expecting that. She's really smart.
We had something to eat and drink.
Then wine, alcohol, and so on...
And?
And... I don't know.
Am I doing something I'll regret later?
I don't know.
Meaning?
You never know what life will bring.
I don't believe in fate or anything, but it kinda felt like that.
I think these things are outside our control.
They take place in those hazy areas beyond our will.
And so they're the kind of acts
we don't need to feel responsible for.
Eat up. I'm not having much.
I will.
I'm so tired.
Luckily it's Sunday today.
I'm gonna rest.
- Hey, what's up? - Hey.
- Nuray. - Hi.
Sorry, I came uninvited.
No problem. Welcome, come in.
What brought you here?
Come in.
- With my shoes? - Sure, it's already a mess.
I surprised you?
I bet you weren't expecting me.
That's true. But what a nice surprise.
I called Kenan, but he didn't answer so I thought I'd try my luck.
I didn't hear. I was working, my phone was on silent.
Take a seat, please. I'll take your coat.
No need, thanks. I won't stay long.
So how did you get here at this time of day?
By car.
What car?
My own car.
It came then.
Yes.
That's great. When?
A few days ago.
Called Kenan to ask him to come, but he didn't answer.
- So I got it alone. - Congrats.
Thanks.
Congrats, but how did you dare come here
in this weather on your own?
We could've picked you up.
Thanks, there was no need.
I've got to get used to it.
Kenan was busy I guess,
so I had to do it myself.
Actually, it was good. You learn better on your own.
I'd have come, but I thought you didn't need me anymore.
Thanks.
We made tea. Want some?
Or something cold? A beer?
Tea's fine.
Right away. Kenan?
No, I'm fine.
- Thanks. - Enjoy.
How did you find this place in the dark?
GPS!
Right. Well done.
I didn't only come here.
You know that village called Kirgindere?
Down that way.
I have a sick student there.
He hardly came this year.
Now that I drive, I can tutor him so he doesn't fall behind.
Since you're nearby, I decided to drop by.
That was good.
What was?
Your student. It was a good idea.
So, Kenan.
Why don't you answer your phone?
No particular reason.
No particular reason?
- No. - What's it then?
Nothing.
What does all this mean?
I really don't get it.
What happened between us to justify this attitude?
- What's wrong? - Yeah, that's what I'm asking.
How do friendships that started with such timidity
suddenly turn into arrogance?
Are you serious?
What happened?
Let me ask it this way, then.
Did I do something wrong?
No.
Does what happened with Samet make me guilty?
Did I betray your friendship?
Or do I fall short of the moral standard you imagine in a girl?
Please don't think I expect anything from you.
I don't.
I'm just curious.
It's the first time in my current state...
that I'm testing how others perceive me as a woman.
I'm questioning
whether I have the right
or the strength to do things in this new state.
Trying to see what place I occupy in this world now.
I need to know what I lost along with this leg,
and what I still have.
I'm not expecting pity, compassion or understanding.
I mean, nothing is expected here.
We don't have to see each other again.
That's fine too.
You might be right in your own way.
I don't know. It's possible.
But
it seems to me that
everything beautiful in this world
gets stuck in the webs we weave
before it ever reaches us.
Anyway...
sorry, I came unannounced. It's best if I go.
- Wait. - Thanks for the tea.
Sit down, please. Don't go like this.
Let go, I'm fine. I'll go just as I came.
The weather's worse.
Nuray.
Come back. Look, let's talk some more.
Wait.
Nuray!
What's going on?
Nothing.
What do you mean nothing?
Can you take me back to town?
The snow's much heavier.
When I first came here,
they told me there were only two seasons,
winter and summer.
They were right.
Straight into summer, no spring.
Grasses covered by snow for months
grew yellow without becoming green.
Even the birds
that sang happily a few weeks ago were chirping wearily.
I was like an abandoned mill,
a useless, run-down mill
that even birds ignored, waiting for demolition.
In this forgotten, remote corner of the earth,
like many other things,
the line between good and evil,
and pain and happiness was blurred.
Everything seemed to happen
only to forget time.
As if this incessant snow was striving to bury everything
and make oblivion possible.
Seasons come and go,
hopes are born and die,
but still, life goes on
with a patient belief based on something unknown.
My time to get out of here was approaching.
This morning,
for the first time since the trouble with Sevim,
I carefully combed my hair and even whistled.
It was the last day of school, after all.
There was the charity sale
and the graduation ceremony later.
Well done, Tolga, you get a free dinner.
Where have you been?
Why? I was packing.
You haven't stamped your report cards.
Careful, boy.
Calm down. Don't panic, I'll do it now.
Do what you like.
But they say the director is coming.
Really?
Yeah.
Great.
What's up? Have you decided to be nice?
Will such small kindnesses save you?
You want it on the floor?
No, you did the right thing.
Who sent the cake?
We're taking some to all the teachers.
That's not what I asked. Consider the question again.
And you're laughing.
You're funny, really funny.
The cake was cut and we did the rest.
Who sent it, who?
We did. Ourselves, sir.
I brought the cake. My mother made it.
All right, I got it.
Isn't lipstick forbidden?
You're not graduating. Why dress up?
You're lucky I'm leaving or I'd really give you a hard time.
Sorry.
As if everything was sorted out...
you apologize for lipstick?
I don't care, put on tar if you like.
No, don't close it.
Don't.
Leave it open.
Well...
this is how it ends, Sevim.
For me, I mean.
This story, this place.
It's time to forget what happened and this dump.
Let's see how this tastes.
Sit down. Don't stand there like a soldier.
It's good.
- Cookie cake. I used to make it. - It's easy. I made it actually.
Really?
Well done.
There's something I wanted to talk to you about.
It's no big deal, but since you're here.
Well,
actually, I wanted to ask you something.
Something I'm curious about.
Sit down.
If you like, I mean.
I requested a transfer. You probably heard.
I'm leaving soon and won't be back.
So at times like this,
you tend to look back over everything.
Everything that's happened.
You wonder if there might be
anyone who's been hurt,
anyone who might need some last words
or an apology.
Considering I'll never return,
I was wondering if Sevim wanted to tell me anything.
Get out.
Out!
Where was I?
Yes, since I'm going and won't be back,
is there anything you might like to say before I go,
dear Sevim?
Like what, sir?
I'm saying, I'm leaving
and won't be back next year.
If there's anything to say, now's the time.
You'll never get another chance.
What kind of thing do you mean, sir?
I don't know. That's for you to know.
If you say you don't know, that's also an answer.
It would mean...
that you're a shallow person who has no values.
And honestly, that'd upset me.
I'd feel a bit stupid for having cared about you.
What I mean is...
you'd really upset and disappoint me.
Whether you meant to, I don't know.
Don't even care about the reason anymore.
Because I realized I still haven't figured people out.
I still haven't understood...
who's worthy or not, who's special and who isn't.
It was my biggest mistake...
if I ever made one.
So, you have nothing to say?
What should I say, sir?
Look at you.
Instead of being ashamed, you're laughing.
I'm not laughing.
Whatever.
Don't worry.
I'm not blaming you.
What could you say after all this, anyway?
What is there to say?
Okay.
All right.
What's up?
May I go?
Sure. I have things to do anyway.
But you'll come to the celebration?
All right, I will.
Come here. A bit closer.
After I left them,
I started walking up the hill covered by dry grass.
Thin dried-up grass I don't even know the names of.
These nameless, humble grasses that no one cares about
seemed important to me for the first time,
for they are perceived as worthless, like my life here.
Then I thought of Sevim,
what I looked for in her.
In this lifeless, motionless landscape, what I was looking for in her...
was perhaps something I couldn't find in myself.
A kind of energy...
a tiny sign of transcendence.
I didn't dream of her, but beyond.
I just wanted
to make her a means for a dream world I had built beyond her.
But I knew...
that between us
there was an abyss deep and wide enough to choke our cries.
A distance too cruel for our consciousnesses to approach.
I dreamed of the impossible.
And now,
I'm talking to her in my head again.
Sevim.
I lied to you the last time we spoke.
Despite my efforts to convince myself, I don't regret knowing you.
I wish I could see myself through your eyes.
It's obvious you won't be like me in the future.
You'll be a petulant, ferocious, happy, and hopeful woman
who can establish a closer, more direct connection with life.
Because of this, I feel sorrow,
but I am also happy for you.
That's how life is.
Even this coincidence that brought us together
is an astonishing mystery.
The feeling that arises as this idea takes shape
means all that happened cannot be deemed worthless.
Yes.
Experiences, words,
and emotions...
are perhaps reflected in some dark corridor of the universe.
But as it turns out...
the truth is as brutal as it is boring.
You'll realize this
like everyone else.
Time will pass...
and if you survive in this land of unending setbacks...
you will still turn yellow and dry up in the end.
You will find yourself at the midpoint of your life...
and see you've gained nothing but the desert inside you.
Nothing else.