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ALBERT BROOKS:
I think there comes a time
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in all of our lives,
no matter what we do.
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Well, doctor, lawyer,
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homemaker, unemployed, comedian,
it really makes no difference.
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There comes a time, and I think
it's when we get out of school
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and begin... well, let's say,
begin to work within reality.
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He's one of the most
original thinkers that will...
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we've ever seen
and will ever see.
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We look into ourselves,
all of us, and we say,
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"How much talent
do I really have?"
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You know that feeling?
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I didn't realize
someone could be funny that way.
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In other words,
"Do I really have enough
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to get me
through an entire life?"
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Always something,
like, just different.
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"Will I become
an actual old person
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that I see walking
on the street now? Me?
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And what kind of an old person
will I become?"
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That's very important.
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"Will I be someone
who's loved and respected
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and known to have led an honest,
positive kind of life?"
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He was the first kind
of alternative comic.
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We know what talent
we're starting out with
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and we devise a game plan.
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A game plan for living,
so to speak.
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I don't think
there's anybody like him.
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Where do I fit into all of this?
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My game plan is all off.
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Here I am,
five years into my career,
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I have no more material left.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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He was speaking directly to me.
(LAUGHS)
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I could've fooled you
to get laughs,
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but that's not
what it's all about.
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I'm trying
to be honest with you.
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And what, I couldn't resort
to cheap tricks? Come on.
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I could drop my pants as easy
as anyone in the business.
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You know what I mean?
What? Boom.
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- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- Right? Okay.
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I can get the comedy shorts
from Sears.
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I can stop a makeup man
in the hall and say,
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"Do me a favor. Draw a funny,
uh, face on my chest."
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- You know what I mean?
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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He was like a...
he was like a comedic tornado.
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Can I buy a pie?
You bet your life I can.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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I can break eggs on my head
as easily as anyone
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in the business.
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But that's not
what I'm all about.
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If I was all about that,
I'd go out and get seltzer.
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- What? I can do this all day.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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And put whipped cream
all over me.
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(LAUGHS)
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Because this...
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(SCOFFS) ...this isn't me.
It's not the real me.
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Doc.
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- This...
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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...is the real me.
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- ♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
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I've been a fan of Albert Brooks
for a number of years now.
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And nobody will argue
that he's this country's
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fastest-rising
young comic performer.
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He's different.
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He... he has a great sense
of the ridiculous
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and can satirize
just about anything.
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Albert was a shining God
of comedy.
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The sharpest,
wittiest, funniest.
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There's, like,
30 things inside of each joke.
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He's the funniest man
in the world.
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I think of him
as the caviar of comedy.
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It is about time
for a Hollywood reassessment
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of the gift to moving pictures
and television
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that Albert Brooks is.
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- Here is comedian Albert Brooks.
- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
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Albert Brooks.
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- Our friend, Albert Brooks.
- Sir Albert Brooks.
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I think he's the funniest man
in the world. Albert Brooks.
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- ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
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♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
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♪ (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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ROB REINER: Exactly. See?
You'd have known.
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You'd have known.
It didn't matter to you.
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- So, listen, here's the thing.
- We're rolling?
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- ROB: Well, of course we are.
- All right.
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- ROB: Why wouldn't we be?
- All right.
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We've been friends for,
like, almost 60 years and it's--
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Which is ridiculous
in and of itself.
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Yeah, it is ridiculous.
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But I'm gonna do something
to embarrass the hell out of you
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at the beginning
and then we'll go from there.
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- M'kay.
- I've always looked up to you.
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I'm...
I'm telling you the truth.
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Oh, my God.
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I've always looked up to you
because to me,
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there was nobody that did...
did what you could do,
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you know, with comedy. I just--
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And I've always been kind of
a little bit intimidated.
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- Oh, well, look at this.
- ROB: But--
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It took-- it took this
to finally hear a compliment.
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(LAUGHS) Yeah,
I'm just telling you.
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- Jesus Christ.
- ROB: No, I know.
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- I can't wait till I'm dead.
- (ROB LAUGHS)
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The idea that Albert
and you were friends
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in high school, to me,
is like some,
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superhero origin story
type of shit.
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I remember when, uh,
when I first met you...
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- Yeah.
- ...which was...
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- Well, it was in high school.
- Yeah.
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We were in high school
and had drama class together.
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And it was
a pretty amazing drama class.
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There were a lot of sons-of
and daughters-of.
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There was Julie Cobb,
who was Lee J. Cobb's daughter.
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There was Melinda Marx,
who was Groucho Marx's daughter.
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- Yeah.
- There was Larry Bishop,
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- who was Joey Bishop's son.
- ALBERT: Yes.
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ROB: And Richard Dreyfuss
was in the thing.
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- And then you and me...
- ALBERT: Yeah.
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...were in the show.
And I remember you
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coming up to me and you said,
"I know Carl Reiner."
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And did you not know
that my name was Reiner?
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No! When we introduced ourselves
in a big class,
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- I didn't hear your last name.
- (LAUGHS)
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I came up to you and said,
"I know Carl Reiner."
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And what'd you say?
"Yeah, me too. He's my dad."
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-"Oh, gee."
- (ROB LAUGHING)
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ROB: Everybody knows
or most people know
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that your real name
is Albert Einstein.
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People know that.
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I'm surprised
how many people don't,
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but I used to keep that
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because... (STUTTERS)
...it was, you know,
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such a discussion
my whole life...
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- ROB: Yeah. Yeah.
- ...until I changed it.
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I never wanted to have
that discussion again.
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- ROB: Right.
- But now, as I'm aging out...
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- (ROB CHUCKLING)
- ...I don't-- I don't mind it.
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- Yeah. Okay.
- And there's some free things.
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The government sent me
two extra COVID tests.
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- So it has its--
- There are perks.
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- ROB: It has its positives.
- There's perks.
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Right. So--
But here's the thing,
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- your father, Harry Einstein...
- ALBERT: Mm-hmm.
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...he had four sons.
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- You have a half-brother...
- ALBERT: Charles.
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...Charlie,
who was a sportswriter.
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- ALBERT: Mm-hmm.
- ROB: Then he had Cliff
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- and then Bob.
- ALBERT: Bob.
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- ROB: And then you.
- ALBERT: And, yes.
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So, he had three chances
before you were born...
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ALBERT: Mm-hmm.
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...to name one
of his sons Albert.
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He was waiting to see
if the theory of relativity
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would be proven wrong.
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- And once--
- And once I was born,
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it looked like it was for real.
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- ROB: It's for real?
- Yeah.
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- He figured, "Okay, it's safe."
- ALBERT: Yeah, yeah.
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So you're the one
that gets stuck with that.
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Right. He did name my brother
"Adolf Hitler"
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but they wouldn't put it
on the birth certificate.
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- I see.
- ALBERT: Yeah.
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The stones on those parents
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to name their kid
"Albert Einstein."
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Did they just want him
to get beaten up for lunch money
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for the rest of his life?
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CLIFF EINSTEIN:
It was my mom's doing
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'cause she never
wasted anything.
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She would give you wine
that was six years old,
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half-opened,
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- 'cause it was good wine.
- INTERVIEWER: Yeah.
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"It's vinegar, Mom."
"It's very good wine."
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So she's not
gonna waste Albert Einstein.
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They owned it.
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- She's not gonna waste that.
- INTERVIEWER: Right.
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Welcome, Mr. Carl Reiner.
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ALBERT: Well,
the greatest thrill
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that I've had as a young person
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when I was still in high school
at that age,
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your dad was on The Tonight Show
in New York
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and Johnny said to him,
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"Who's the funniest person
you know?"
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And your dad said,
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"A 16-year-old high school kid
named Albert Einstein."
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- Yeah.
- ALBERT: And, you know, that was
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- on The Johnny Carson Show.
- ROB: Right, right.
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CARL REINER:
Thanks to my son, Rob,
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who was Albert's friend
and teenage schoolmate,
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I was privileged to be present
when he exhibited a talent
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we had no idea he possessed.
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I know the story about how, like,
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when he's young
and he did the...
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the-- Like, behind
the curtain trick with your dad
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- and all that famous story.
- ROB: Oh, yeah. He was 16.
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And out of the blue,
you said-- you said,
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um, "I've been working
on this escape artist routine.
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I think I've perfected it.
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I'm like the best escape artist
of all time."
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And I think you had--
you had like this or something.
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- Yeah. A napkin.
- ROB: It was like a--
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- I said, "Put it over my hands."
- ROB: A napkin.
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"Put it over my hands."
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I said,
"You don't have to tie it."
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All right. That's good enough.
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- Okay. Yeah.
- ROB: That's good enough.
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He says, "I can't get out of--"
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ALBERT:
"I can't get out of this."
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ROB: "Can't get out of that."
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And then you had me put,
or somebody put--
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I stuffed some Kleenex
in my mouth.
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And the fact that you could
breathe out of your nose.
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Well, the fact that
I could take it out.
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- ROB: Take it out. Yeah.
- Nothing was tied.
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So then, with that,
you go behind a curtain.
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ALBERT: Yeah.
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You say you're gonna get out
from behind the curtain...
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- Right.
- ...with this.
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- Yeah.
- And it goes on, it goes on
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and there's rustling
behind the curtain--
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- Struggling.
- Struggling.
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- Yelling for help.
- And yelling, "I can't breathe!"
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- ALBERT: Yeah.
-"I can't breathe!
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I can't--" And it's like this
and struggling.
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And my father literally
screaming with laughter.
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And finally,
somebody opens the curtain.
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You fall out and you're saying,
"Untie me, untie me!"
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CARL: I not only remember it
to this day
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but say without equivocation,
that in my life,
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there are but a handful of times
that I ever laughed as hard.
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But at age 16,
you could make those people,
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those people we looked up to,
my dad, Mel,
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those kinds of--
You could make them laugh.
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And that to me was--
It was like a prodigy.
235
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:31,363
As a kid with my nose pressed up
against the glass,
236
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:34,991
okay, so, I watched television
a tad too close to the screen,
237
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:38,411
I so badly wanted to know
what he was like as a friend,
238
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:43,541
as a-- as a neighbor, as a pal,
as a guy to hang around with.
239
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,669
ROB: Now,
we shared a house together
240
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:48,129
for a year or so
off Benedict Canyon.
241
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,382
You had an entrance down below,
I had an entrance above.
242
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:55,011
We each had our own, uh, phones.
We had our own phones.
243
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,972
Anytime I would bring
a girl over,
244
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:01,893
uh, I would, you know,
enjoy myself with the girl.
245
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:02,977
- I mean, I...
- (CHUCKLES)
246
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,479
They would make love
and I would--
247
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,772
- You can say it.
- And you would listen!
248
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,023
I just said it. (CHUCKLES)
249
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,858
They would... (STUTTERS)
...make love...
250
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,902
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- ...and what's wrong with that?
251
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:14,072
It's natural to... (STUTTERS)
...make love and--
252
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,699
It wasn't that
we made love, Albert.
253
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:16,991
It's that when we finished
making love,
254
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,410
you used to call me
on the telephone
255
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,413
- and say, "Are you finished?"
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
256
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,039
"Would you like
to get something to eat?"
257
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,916
- And you wanna know the beauty?
- What?
258
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,085
It was always 20 seconds.
259
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:30,422
(BOTH LAUGH)
260
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,090
I would time it. He's starting.
261
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,260
See how long I could
hold my breath. Let's eat.
262
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,512
(BOTH LAUGH)
263
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:38,930
I was a huge comedy fan.
264
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:42,100
I was used
to people standing up and...
265
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:45,103
delivering their bit and...
(MUMBLES)
266
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:49,524
Alan King and all the guys
that would do straight stand-up.
267
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,276
And then there's this guy.
268
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:53,403
And he would come out
269
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,488
and he would
do the wildest shit.
270
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,865
Ladies and gentlemen,
271
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,658
would you welcome, please,
a new face in an ancient art,
272
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:03,038
- the exciting, Albert Brooks.
- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
273
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,040
ROB: You had a routine
that you did,
274
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,460
which was brilliant,
which was a mime.
275
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:11,296
And you came out
in black leotard
276
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:15,550
with the white face
and you never stopped talking.
277
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:16,968
I call this piece
278
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,971
"Walking The Dog,
Albert Brooks."
279
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,185
Good morning, Poochie.
How are you this morning?
280
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,562
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- You feeling good this morning?
281
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,689
I hope you are, Poochie.
It is a lovely day.
282
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,317
I know, isn't it?
Let's go upstairs, Poochie.
283
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,694
See, there are no stairs.
I create that for you. You see?
284
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,863
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- We'll go upstairs, Poochie.
285
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,657
Ah, here we are at the--
Oh, good morning, Mrs. Brown.
286
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,493
How are you?
Have you seen my dog, Poochie?
287
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,036
He's lovely, isn't he? Yes.
288
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:46,122
You'd like help with your rope?
I'll help you pull the rope.
289
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,667
All right, Mrs. Brown.
All right now, Mrs.--
290
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,669
No rope.
I'm just making this mime.
291
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:52,462
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
292
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:53,546
And then I just went
293
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,964
- into a bad stand-up.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
294
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,299
I'm married now, of course.
295
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,468
And my wife-- Take my wife,
please, you know? (LAUGHS)
296
00:11:58,468 --> 00:11:59,594
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
297
00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,888
Oh, she's wonderful.
She's a wonderful lady.
298
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,181
She's on a reducing diet.
299
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,350
Any of you husbands know
what that's like, you know?
300
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,226
She come home the other day,
301
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,144
she says,
"Honey, I lost 35 pounds."
302
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,522
I said, "Look behind you.
You'll find it." (GRUNTS)
303
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,774
CONAN O'BRIEN: Albert kind
of broke a sound barrier.
304
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,359
I was used
to watching television
305
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:15,527
and seeing funny people.
306
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:19,030
And then suddenly, there's,
you know, Chuck Yeager proves
307
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:21,533
that there's this other place
you can go.
308
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:22,617
There's a sonic boom
309
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,703
and then you're going faster
than sound.
310
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:25,954
Ladies and gentlemen,
311
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,123
I'd like to reaffirm
that the art of ventriloquism
312
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:29,207
is not dead.
313
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:32,544
Would you welcome the very funny
Mr. Albert Brooks?
314
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:34,254
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
315
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,257
I do remember
the ventriloquist bit.
316
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,133
ROB: Yeah.
317
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,051
It's kind of an iconic bit now, right?
318
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:43,221
Well, good evening, everybody.
Yes, hello, everybody!
319
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:45,682
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
320
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:49,227
I'm Dave. And I'm Danny.
(LAUGHS)
321
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:51,062
You know, Danny,
I'm a little nervous being here
322
00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:52,647
on television and everything.
323
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:53,773
Well, why don't you have
a cigarette?
324
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,775
That always calms you down.
325
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,943
Well, I just can't have a smoke
326
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:57,944
and leave everybody
sitting here.
327
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,154
They might get bored.
328
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:02,699
I'll sing a song
while you have a cigarette.
329
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,076
Great idea. (CHUCKLES)
What are you gonna sing?
330
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,287
One of my favorites,
"Swanee River."
331
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,455
(CHUCKLES) Great.
332
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,124
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
333
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,126
CHRIS ROCK: He's so good,
you can't steal it.
334
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,919
(LAUGHS) Yeah, I mean like,
if you stole it,
335
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,421
you wouldn't know
what to do with it.
336
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,547
All right, Danny.
337
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:20,050
Why don't you have a glass
of water?
338
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,719
And so the audience
doesn't get bored, I'll sing.
339
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,596
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
340
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:31,394
♪ Lady of Spain, I adore you
Lady of Spain, I adore you ♪
341
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:33,855
♪ Lady of Spain, I adore you ♪
342
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:35,774
- (WATER TRICKLING)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
343
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,233
I was doing, you know,
344
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:40,362
- I was doing conceptual pieces.
- ROB: Yes.
345
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,906
ALBERT: I had the world's
worst pickpocket.
346
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,115
Have I ever met you before ever?
347
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,825
- No, you haven't.
- No? What's your name, please?
348
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,660
- My name's Lou Rawls.
- I knew what it was, of course.
349
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,037
- We have your albums over there.
- Wonderful.
350
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,455
Wouldn't you know? It's amazing.
351
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,123
Look at-- look at this dress.
Isn't he a wonderful dresser?
352
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,958
What, did you-- Do you have this
tailor-made or something?
353
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,251
- Yes, I do.
- Isn't that wonderful?
354
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,170
You know, I always wanted
to have clothes like that.
355
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,297
I never-- I never thought
I could get it, of course.
356
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,131
Hey, what-- what?
357
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:01,633
Wait a minute.
Just hold it a second.
358
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:02,717
- Wait a minute.
- Wait a minute!
359
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,135
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
360
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:05,637
STEVEN SPIELBERG: My first time
I ever saw Albert Brooks,
361
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,055
he was an elephant trainer
362
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,932
and the elephant
was gonna do all the tricks,
363
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,809
except the elephant got sick
364
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,310
- and couldn't come out.
- (ROB LAUGHING)
365
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,438
So Albert is going
to continue the show
366
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,190
as the elephant trainer
with no elephant...
367
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,316
- ROB: Yeah.
- ...in the room.
368
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,151
- ROB: But he had a frog.
- But he had a frog.
369
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,737
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- I will do my same act
370
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,323
and you people
will please use your imagination
371
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:28,827
and picture the frog
as my majestic elephant, Bimbo.
372
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:29,869
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
373
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,538
I'll help you along
by making a noise
374
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,290
my elephant makes such as...
(IMITATES ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)
375
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:37,168
I thought it was wacky
and wonderful.
376
00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:39,587
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
my elephant, Bimbo...
377
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,715
(IMITATES ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)
...all right, quiet...
378
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:43,550
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- ...will count for you,
379
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,968
will tell you how old he is.
380
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,052
I'll give you a hint.
381
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,679
He's four years old,
so you know.
382
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:50,598
All right, Bimbo.
How old are you, boy?
383
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:51,975
- Come on. One...
- (BANGING STICK)
384
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:56,146
...two, three, four.
385
00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:03,236
- Stop, stop! Hold it, hold it!
- (GUNSHOTS)
386
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:06,239
And it was unlike
any kind of comedy I had seen.
387
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:10,035
I will put my face on this
and my elephant, Bimbo,
388
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:13,872
will stand on my head
and I trust the elephant.
389
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:19,377
All right, boy?
All right, boy? Okay, boy.
390
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:23,840
- All right, boy. Ready, boy? Go.
- (FROG CROAKING)
391
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:28,011
- (GROANS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
392
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:30,889
I feel the elephant
gave me a wart in my ear.
393
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,390
Have a peanut.
394
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,728
ROB: When was the first time
you ever saw Albert?
395
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,897
Probably, The Tonight Show.
396
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,982
- ROB: The Tonight Show?
- I think so. Yeah.
397
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,984
If you've seen Albert work, uh...
398
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,570
you still don't know
what he does.
399
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:46,571
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
400
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,866
He's a very inventive young man.
Um, and he does--
401
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,410
He takes premises
that he nurtures in his mind
402
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,245
and then he takes them,
plays around with them
403
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:56,122
and it's always fun to see
what he's gonna do.
404
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,624
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
405
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:01,711
Before I did Carson,
I did A hundred variety shows.
406
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:05,173
Sullivan, Johnny Cash,
Helen Reddy, Glen Campbell,
407
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:08,385
Hollywood Palace,
Everly Brothers, Flip Wilson,
408
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,428
- Merv Griffin, all of them.
- Yep. Right.
409
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:14,432
So, I came to Carson late,
so I didn't have that fear.
410
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:16,142
I-- I had already
been established.
411
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,268
He was happy to see me.
412
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,479
- I was happy to see him.
- ROB: Wow.
413
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:23,858
ALBERT: Not until you do Carson
do you realize what that was.
414
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:26,277
- Everyone you knew saw it.
- Watched it, yeah.
415
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:27,529
- So, your next day...
- Right.
416
00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,739
...you pick up your cleaning,
"Hey, great bit!"
417
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:30,782
You go to the market.
418
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,283
"Great bit!" It's like living
419
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,702
- in a-- in Carson world.
- ROB: Right.
420
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:37,789
I was gonna take the time
that I usually do a spot
421
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:38,873
and show a film.
422
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,543
Not comedy
but a serious film that I made.
423
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:42,794
ANTHONY JESELNIK:
It was punk rock,
424
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:43,795
almost, for comedy.
425
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,296
He saw what was going on.
426
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:48,466
He saw the old Hollywood way.
And instead of just saying,
427
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:51,136
"This is bad. This is corny,"
he showed them.
428
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:54,723
And I spent my own money,
took a film crew,
429
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,141
took me a whole year and made
430
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:57,434
The History
of the Animal Kingdom
431
00:16:57,434 --> 00:17:00,520
in Two and a Half Minutes.
And, uh...
432
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,481
the film is not here.
So, uh, I've got this.
433
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:06,192
I got together a few props
that I could at the last minute.
434
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,236
This is, uh,
435
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,989
History of the Animal Kingdom
in Two and a Half Minutes.
436
00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:12,282
JON STEWART: It was exciting.
437
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:15,452
Didn't feel planned
and it was absurdist.
438
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:18,663
You couldn't believe
the nerve of it.
439
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:23,335
- ♪ (UP-TEMPO GUITAR PLAYING) ♪
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
440
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:36,348
There was a certain
Wallenda aspect.
441
00:17:36,348 --> 00:17:38,350
I got no more pictures left!
442
00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:45,357
- ♪ (PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
443
00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:52,614
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
444
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:56,117
ROB: Every comedian I know,
and to this day,
445
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,203
they won't go
on national television
446
00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:01,289
unless they've worked it out
through in a club,
447
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:02,540
they've tried it out many times.
448
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,959
- I know.
- ROB: You're the only guy I know
449
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:07,045
who would go
on national television
450
00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:10,215
with a routine
that you had never tried out
451
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:12,425
and you would do it
for the first time
452
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,178
- on national television.
- No, I went in the bathroom,
453
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:18,640
I would look in the mirror,
I would come up with something
454
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,058
and I would go do it.
455
00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:25,063
Your brain has to work
on such a level
456
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:28,191
to do comedy
without trying it out.
457
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:31,945
Carson was encouraging
to do something new every time
458
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,613
because he used to say to me,
459
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,741
"If you don't have to,
don't rehearse
460
00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:39,244
- because I wanna be surprised."
- ROB: Yeah.
461
00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:42,122
And he's the first dude
I ever seen,
462
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,374
uh, at least,
make a marijuana joke
463
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:47,043
and, like, light it up on TV.
464
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,920
And he was sitting
next to Johnny Carson.
465
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,422
You know, Johnny,
this is my tenth year
466
00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:52,924
on the show and I brought
something to celebrate.
467
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:55,468
- (LAUGHS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
468
00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,187
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)
469
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:10,442
And he had
these elaborate impression,
470
00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:12,110
uh, kits.
471
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,612
There are certain foods
that when they interact
472
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:18,074
with the normal body chemistry,
produce the impressions.
473
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,451
We're gonna show you.
It's uncanny.
474
00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:21,202
I don't do any of this stuff,
so, you know,
475
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,787
maybe it won't work,
but it probably will.
476
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:27,208
I mean, it's just really
over-the-top stuff that if he
477
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:30,962
pitched it to you in hi--
you know, your kitchen,
478
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,089
which I'm sure
he did many times,
479
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,467
you probably would go...
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
480
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,969
"That doesn't sound
like a real idea."
481
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,929
- (JOHNNY CARSON LAUGHING)
- (GROANS)
482
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,973
- JOHNNY: A hot potato?
- A hot potato.
483
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,141
- JOHNNY: Go on.
- All right.
484
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:45,393
Curly, as you take
a little bit of pepper...
485
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,687
a little bit-- You know, Curly,
the great Three Stooge?
486
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,523
Hard to do. Not now.
Take a pepper. (SNIFFS)
487
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:51,983
- (LAUGHS)
- Put it-- put it like that.
488
00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,318
Okay, now... (SNIFFS, EXHALES)
489
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,904
...you begin
to make a child's train noise.
490
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,198
- Whoo! Whoo!
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
491
00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,158
And with the potato. Whoo!
492
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:03,953
- (SQUEALS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
493
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:09,417
- (SQUEALS)
- (ROB LAUGHING)
494
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,379
And I just-- I can remember
just watching that going like...
495
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,464
"Who is this man?"
496
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,800
I wanna say something seriously.
497
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,176
JOHNNY: Yeah?
498
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:21,429
(CHUCKLES) I'm joking tonight
for a little boy
499
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,264
- who...
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
500
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:26,685
...is very ill in a hospital
in Northern California.
501
00:20:26,685 --> 00:20:28,687
I promised him
I would get big laughs.
502
00:20:28,687 --> 00:20:32,190
If I do, he lives.
If I don't, he's gone.
503
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:33,358
- (LAUGHS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
504
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:36,027
He did one routine with, um,
505
00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:39,114
that '80s toy,
the Speak Spell.
506
00:20:39,114 --> 00:20:41,366
I am premiering tonight
the second ingredient
507
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:44,285
in the Home Comedy Kit,
the electronic dummy.
508
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:46,705
You don't need to be able
to throw your voice.
509
00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:48,581
Would you welcome Buddy?
510
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,834
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
511
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,502
All right.
512
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:56,089
(CLEARS THROAT)
Buddy, say hi to the audience.
513
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,882
- BUDDY: I.
- All right. (CHUCKLES)
514
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,050
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
515
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,301
Happy to be here,
aren't you, Buddy?
516
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,554
- BUDDY: S.
- Yes, I know you are. (CHUCKLES)
517
00:21:02,554 --> 00:21:03,763
Buddy, do you know
where you are?
518
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,265
Look around.
Do you know where you are?
519
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:08,560
- BUDDY: TV.
- Very good, Buddy. Very good.
520
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,563
To me, genius is
you have the idea
521
00:21:11,563 --> 00:21:13,898
and then the courage
to execute it.
522
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:17,193
Buddy just got back from Mexico.
Did you have a good time, Buddy?
523
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:18,403
- BUDDY: C.
- All right.
524
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:20,488
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
525
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,240
Buddy has a party to go to
later tonight, Johnny,
526
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,533
he's very excited.
527
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,035
He and his girlfriend
have been going for two years.
528
00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:26,119
You're gonna exchange gifts, right?
529
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,162
- BUDDY: S.
- Uh-huh.
530
00:21:27,162 --> 00:21:28,413
You're gonna give her a car, right?
531
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:29,748
- BUDDY: S.
- What are you gonna
give her, Buddy?
532
00:21:29,748 --> 00:21:33,543
- BUDDY: X-K-E.
- Ooh, a Jaguar. Very nice.
533
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:34,961
What's she gonna give you,
Buddy?
534
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,546
- BUDDY: VD.
- All right.
535
00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:38,673
- (LAUGHS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
536
00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:42,719
Albert was one of those people
that from day one,
537
00:21:42,719 --> 00:21:45,597
we tried to persuade
to come and do the show.
538
00:21:45,597 --> 00:21:48,183
JON: The thing that appealed
to me about Letterman
539
00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:49,934
and the way he did talk shows
540
00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:52,604
was the thing that appealed
to me about Albert,
541
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,814
the way that he did talk shows
as a guest.
542
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:59,194
They were both these sort
of deconstructionist geniuses.
543
00:21:59,194 --> 00:22:00,570
What's happening here?
544
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:02,614
Uh, this is not
what it looks like.
545
00:22:02,614 --> 00:22:03,448
Yeah?
546
00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:04,783
Let me explain to you something.
547
00:22:04,783 --> 00:22:06,743
I made this movie,
Defending Your Life.
548
00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:07,577
Right.
549
00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:09,579
And it is just so important
to me,
550
00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:10,955
that when my publicist said that
551
00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:14,209
you don't show clips anymore,
I just had to get a clip on.
552
00:22:14,209 --> 00:22:15,585
- Yeah. But you know...
- You'd understand that.
553
00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:17,003
...we show clips all the time.
554
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:21,466
The first time I saw Albert
was on David Letterman Show
555
00:22:21,466 --> 00:22:23,510
and he had called in
to Letterman,
556
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:27,597
or somebody called him?
You called him!
557
00:22:27,597 --> 00:22:29,683
- (ROB LAUGHING)
- It was you!
558
00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:31,685
Is he a nice man
to talk to on the phone?
559
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:33,478
- (LINE RINGING)
- Yes. Absolutely.
560
00:22:33,478 --> 00:22:35,855
Nice man to talk to on the phone
or off the phone.
561
00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:41,444
(LAUGHS)
562
00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:42,529
- ALBERT: Hello?
- Albert?
563
00:22:42,529 --> 00:22:43,905
Listen, I'm here with David
and he...
564
00:22:43,905 --> 00:22:45,949
- Tell him I said hello.
- He's-- David says hello.
565
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,953
Yes. I'm on the air
with David Letterman.
566
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:51,162
- Yeah.
- Yes?
567
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:52,831
- Yes?
- Yeah, he can hear you.
568
00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:56,793
- ALBERT: Hello?
- Oh, you can't hear him?
Hold on a sec.
569
00:22:57,544 --> 00:22:59,504
Hello, Albert. How are you?
570
00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:14,436
Yeah. Sure, Albert.
Whatever you want.
571
00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:20,066
He's doing his stupid pet trick
over the phone?
572
00:23:23,653 --> 00:23:25,697
Maybe we got him
at a bad time.
573
00:23:26,489 --> 00:23:27,949
Yeah. What's he doing, Albert?
574
00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:30,702
- (LAUGHS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
575
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:37,167
(BOTH LAUGH)
576
00:23:37,167 --> 00:23:39,044
ALBERT: Hello?
Can you hear that?
577
00:23:39,044 --> 00:23:40,211
Ladies and gentlemen,
578
00:23:40,211 --> 00:23:42,297
I have a wonderful surprise
for you.
579
00:23:42,297 --> 00:23:44,341
It's a gentleman
who is so uninteresting,
580
00:23:44,341 --> 00:23:46,885
so unintelligent,
and so unsuccessful,
581
00:23:46,885 --> 00:23:50,430
you would hardly believe it.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's me.
582
00:23:50,430 --> 00:23:51,890
- ♪ (PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
583
00:23:51,890 --> 00:23:55,894
ROB: Okay, so, Harry Einstein
was known as--
584
00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:57,062
Parkyakarkus.
585
00:23:57,062 --> 00:23:58,438
My name's Parkyakarkus.
586
00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:00,565
Parkyakarkus?
What are you doing here?
587
00:24:00,565 --> 00:24:03,360
Well, I really meant to join
the Foreign Legion to forget,
588
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:05,070
but I forgot
where the Foreign Legion was,
589
00:24:05,070 --> 00:24:06,237
so I wound up here
590
00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:08,073
and now I forgot
what I wanted to forget.
591
00:24:08,073 --> 00:24:10,909
He was a comedian.
He had his own radio show.
592
00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:13,828
Meet Me At Parky's.
He was a Greek restaurant owner.
593
00:24:13,828 --> 00:24:15,413
ANNOUNCER:
From Hollywood, California,
594
00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:18,667
- Meet Me At Parky's!
- ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
595
00:24:26,299 --> 00:24:27,425
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
596
00:24:27,425 --> 00:24:28,843
ROB: I remember going
over to your house.
597
00:24:28,843 --> 00:24:31,888
You were very proud of him
and you had these old, big,
598
00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:34,724
- like, acetate...
- Sixteen-inch records
599
00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:36,768
- that contained his radio shows.
- ROB: Yeah.
600
00:24:36,768 --> 00:24:38,311
- You played 'em for me.
- Yeah.
601
00:24:38,311 --> 00:24:40,438
And I don't know
if you can still do it
602
00:24:40,438 --> 00:24:43,942
but he used to do a list
of the menu.
603
00:24:43,942 --> 00:24:45,527
The opening of his show,
604
00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:49,698
the woman who ran
the restaurant, Betty Rhodes,
605
00:24:49,698 --> 00:24:52,867
she was late.
So he was there alone,
606
00:24:52,867 --> 00:24:56,329
"Oh, my God. I gotta type out
the menu myself. What the--"
607
00:24:56,329 --> 00:24:59,290
And so, he would do the--
He'd start with the typewriter.
608
00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:06,381
"Roast beef. R-U-S-T B-I-F.
Doesn't look right. Two Ts."
609
00:25:06,381 --> 00:25:07,799
- You know, he would do that.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
610
00:25:07,799 --> 00:25:11,052
And then Betty arrived and said,
"What are you doing, Parky?"
611
00:25:11,052 --> 00:25:13,847
"Well, I gotta type out
the menu. Somebody has to--"
612
00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:15,515
"Oh, Parky,
you're not gonna do it.
613
00:25:15,515 --> 00:25:18,101
Here, just give it to me,
give it to me fast.
614
00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:21,855
I got a lot to do."
"Okay. You want it fast?"
615
00:25:21,855 --> 00:25:24,315
Oh, my goodness.
I haven't done it in a while.
616
00:25:24,315 --> 00:25:28,570
He'll do it better but he says,
"Okay, we're gonna have...
617
00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:30,363
(RAPIDLY) ...sirloin steak
and tenderloin steak,
618
00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:31,781
good peas, lamb chop,
great big pork chop,
619
00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:33,491
large fried onions,
fresh peeled scallions,
620
00:25:33,491 --> 00:25:34,868
french-fried potatoes,
lettuce and tomatoes,
621
00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:36,202
string beans, baked beans,
hup beans too..."
622
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:37,704
HARRY EINSTEIN: Cookeral,
hookeral, chicken stew,
623
00:25:37,704 --> 00:25:39,247
mackerel, pickerel,
haddock, tripe,
624
00:25:39,247 --> 00:25:40,498
lobster, oyster, shrimp or pike,
625
00:25:40,498 --> 00:25:41,833
hot pie, cold pie,
soft pie, mud pie,
626
00:25:41,833 --> 00:25:43,209
ickleberry, bloomberry,
stroomberry too,
627
00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:46,046
stiff cream, whipped cream,
plain cream, no cream...
628
00:25:46,046 --> 00:25:47,839
"...squashed-up apple,
mustard, custard,
629
00:25:47,839 --> 00:25:50,342
ketchup, chili, salt and pepper,
and piccalilli!"
630
00:25:50,342 --> 00:25:52,719
(LAUGHS)
631
00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:56,556
- Forty-five cents. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)
632
00:25:56,556 --> 00:25:57,932
It's amazing that you remember.
633
00:25:57,932 --> 00:26:01,770
But that just tells me
that you loved him, obviously,
634
00:26:01,770 --> 00:26:03,480
and you, you know, adored him.
635
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,856
And you always
told me the story--
636
00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:07,359
- How he died?
- At the Friars Club.
637
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:08,693
He had a famous death.
638
00:26:08,693 --> 00:26:10,028
By the time I was born,
639
00:26:10,028 --> 00:26:13,865
he was ill, he had a disorder
of the spinal cord.
640
00:26:13,865 --> 00:26:17,702
He had a lot of surgeries.
He could barely walk.
641
00:26:17,702 --> 00:26:20,872
And he sort of retired
from show business.
642
00:26:20,872 --> 00:26:25,669
But he loved the Friars Club
and he was always on the dais.
643
00:26:25,669 --> 00:26:29,130
Well, in 1958,
it was a big deal.
644
00:26:29,130 --> 00:26:32,008
They filled up
the Beverly Hilton Hotel
645
00:26:32,008 --> 00:26:35,428
and they were letting in
Lucy and Desi.
646
00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:37,222
They had never let in a woman.
647
00:26:37,222 --> 00:26:42,435
And it was this gigantic event
and everybody was on the dais.
648
00:26:42,435 --> 00:26:44,688
Milton Berle and George Jessel
649
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:47,691
and Art Linkletter
was the emcee and Sinatra.
650
00:26:47,691 --> 00:26:48,983
Everybody was there.
651
00:26:48,983 --> 00:26:53,738
And my dad did ten minutes
and I helped him with it.
652
00:26:53,738 --> 00:26:55,490
We had a wire recorder.
653
00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:57,617
I would rewind it
and then rewind it again.
654
00:26:57,617 --> 00:26:59,035
And then-- and then,
you know--
655
00:26:59,035 --> 00:27:00,912
And he would work
on the routine.
656
00:27:00,912 --> 00:27:03,707
MILTON BERLE: He did a routine
about the Friars Club,
657
00:27:03,707 --> 00:27:06,042
which was the hit of the show.
658
00:27:06,042 --> 00:27:09,087
The audience just stood up,
not because
659
00:27:09,087 --> 00:27:12,173
he was in a wheelchair,
because he was funny.
660
00:27:12,173 --> 00:27:13,717
And I'm telling you...
661
00:27:14,592 --> 00:27:18,763
(STUTTERS)
...it knocked the house down.
662
00:27:18,763 --> 00:27:20,807
- Right.
- You don't even hear laughing,
663
00:27:20,807 --> 00:27:22,517
you hear... (CUTLERY CLANKING)
664
00:27:22,517 --> 00:27:24,144
That's what--
that's what the Friars Club
665
00:27:24,144 --> 00:27:26,771
used to do
when they liked something.
666
00:27:40,994 --> 00:27:46,082
...he must first satisfy us,
beyond any question of a doubt
667
00:27:54,466 --> 00:27:57,177
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
668
00:28:00,305 --> 00:28:06,186
And he finished and went back
to the dais and died.
669
00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:07,812
Put his head right down
670
00:28:07,812 --> 00:28:09,522
- like that.
- Jesus.
671
00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:13,234
ALBERT: They stopped the show
as soon as they realized it.
672
00:28:13,234 --> 00:28:17,447
Panicked. "What do we do?"
Art Linkletter said,
673
00:28:17,447 --> 00:28:19,491
"Is there a doctor
in the house?"
674
00:28:19,491 --> 00:28:21,826
- At the Beverly Hilton. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)
675
00:28:21,826 --> 00:28:24,829
Right. Half the audience
came on stage.
676
00:28:24,829 --> 00:28:27,248
They took him backstage,
they cut him open,
677
00:28:27,248 --> 00:28:29,167
they shocked him
with a lamp cord.
678
00:28:29,167 --> 00:28:30,919
They couldn't bring him
back to life.
679
00:28:30,919 --> 00:28:32,962
- ROB: No.
- One of the funny moments
680
00:28:32,962 --> 00:28:35,131
of that is that
they were panicking,
681
00:28:35,131 --> 00:28:37,217
trying to see
what they could even do,
682
00:28:37,217 --> 00:28:40,637
if they could save the dinner
but before it ended,
683
00:28:40,637 --> 00:28:42,681
Tony Martin,
who was a big singer
684
00:28:42,681 --> 00:28:45,183
and had a number one hit
at the time,
685
00:28:45,183 --> 00:28:46,142
Milton Berle said,
686
00:28:46,142 --> 00:28:48,770
"Get up there!
Sing something! Get up there!"
687
00:28:48,770 --> 00:28:51,189
And he went up
and he sang his hit,
688
00:28:51,189 --> 00:28:55,527
which was called,
"There Will Be No Tomorrow."
689
00:28:55,527 --> 00:28:57,195
- (LAUGHS)
- (ROB LAUGHS) Oh, Jesus.
690
00:28:57,195 --> 00:28:59,364
♪ ("THERE'S NO TOMORROW"
BY TONY MARTIN PLAYING) ♪
691
00:28:59,364 --> 00:29:04,703
♪ There's no tomorrow ♪
692
00:29:04,703 --> 00:29:06,538
And Milton Berle's going,
693
00:29:06,538 --> 00:29:09,874
-"Maybe that's not good advice."
- (LAUGHS)
694
00:29:09,874 --> 00:29:12,752
- So, everybody laughed.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
695
00:29:12,752 --> 00:29:14,546
ALBERT:
He was sick my whole life
696
00:29:14,546 --> 00:29:16,381
and I always thought
he was dying.
697
00:29:16,381 --> 00:29:19,718
So every time,
when I was home alone with him
698
00:29:19,718 --> 00:29:23,138
and he called me,
I would think, "Uh-oh, uh-oh."
699
00:29:23,138 --> 00:29:26,683
So it really wasn't a surprise
because I expected it every day.
700
00:29:26,683 --> 00:29:28,268
ROB: Yeah. Yeah.
701
00:29:28,268 --> 00:29:30,729
ALBERT: I would go to sleep
with my radio on
702
00:29:30,729 --> 00:29:32,939
and my mother used
to turn off my radio.
703
00:29:32,939 --> 00:29:35,483
That was the little thing
she did for me.
704
00:29:35,483 --> 00:29:36,693
ROB: Right.
705
00:29:36,693 --> 00:29:38,361
ALBERT: And I woke up at 2:00
in the morning
706
00:29:38,361 --> 00:29:40,238
and my radio was on.
707
00:29:40,238 --> 00:29:43,742
- And I said, "Daddy's dead."
- Oh, wow. Wow.
708
00:29:43,742 --> 00:29:46,327
- And in that case, it was true.
- ROB: Wow.
709
00:29:47,829 --> 00:29:49,956
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
710
00:29:51,291 --> 00:29:53,084
This is where my dad is.
711
00:29:55,962 --> 00:29:59,341
A lot of famous
old show business people here.
712
00:30:01,092 --> 00:30:03,094
- Louis B. Mayer.
- ROB: Really?
713
00:30:03,094 --> 00:30:05,221
- ALBERT: Jack Warner.
- ROB: Wow.
714
00:30:05,221 --> 00:30:06,931
- ALBERT: And then look at this.
- ROB: What?
715
00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:09,100
- ALBERT: Right near my dad...
- ROB: Wow.
716
00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:11,269
ALBERT: One of the original
Three Stooges.
717
00:30:11,269 --> 00:30:12,395
- Wow.
- Shemp.
718
00:30:12,395 --> 00:30:14,939
ROB: No. Wait a minute. No, no.
Curly was the original.
719
00:30:14,939 --> 00:30:16,066
ALBERT: No. Shemp.
720
00:30:16,066 --> 00:30:17,942
ROB: No, I thought
Shemp replaced Curly.
721
00:30:17,942 --> 00:30:19,778
ALBERT:
No. Curly replaced Shemp.
722
00:30:19,778 --> 00:30:21,029
- ROB: Really?
- Yeah. Yeah.
723
00:30:21,029 --> 00:30:22,614
I always thought
it was the other way around.
724
00:30:22,614 --> 00:30:24,449
No. No. Woo, woo, woo, woo.
725
00:30:24,449 --> 00:30:25,992
Well, "woo, woo, woo" was Curly.
726
00:30:25,992 --> 00:30:27,285
- That I know.
- It doesn't matter!
727
00:30:27,285 --> 00:30:28,787
- He'd still like it.
- He didn't do "woo, woo, woo."
728
00:30:28,787 --> 00:30:29,829
Shemp never did.
729
00:30:29,829 --> 00:30:31,164
- He'd still like it.
- All right.
730
00:30:31,164 --> 00:30:33,792
Wow. And look at that.
Right there.
731
00:30:33,792 --> 00:30:35,085
ALBERT: "Harry Einstein."
732
00:30:35,085 --> 00:30:37,462
- ROB: Aw.
- ALBERT: Here he is.
733
00:30:40,674 --> 00:30:41,966
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
734
00:30:43,885 --> 00:30:45,637
- I miss him.
- Yeah.
735
00:30:47,097 --> 00:30:48,932
ALBERT:
I feel I wanna be cremated.
736
00:30:48,932 --> 00:30:50,975
My mother was cremated
and she said,
737
00:30:50,975 --> 00:30:53,144
"Honey, you know,
I wanna be cremated."
738
00:30:53,144 --> 00:30:55,814
I said, "Of course,
I could tell by your cooking."
739
00:30:55,814 --> 00:30:58,983
(BOTH LAUGH)
740
00:30:58,983 --> 00:31:02,112
ROB: So, you didn't get to live
a long time with your father
741
00:31:02,112 --> 00:31:03,988
but your mom lived to 94.
742
00:31:03,988 --> 00:31:06,950
And what kind of relationship
did you have with her?
743
00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:09,828
- Well, see my movie, Mother.
- (ROB CHUCKLES)
744
00:31:09,828 --> 00:31:11,329
- Mother...
- BEATRICE HENDERSON: Yeah?
745
00:31:11,329 --> 00:31:15,917
- ...the ice cream is colorless.
- Look under the protective ice.
746
00:31:16,543 --> 00:31:18,336
The protective ice?
747
00:31:18,336 --> 00:31:21,339
You've actually named
the clear hard crap
748
00:31:21,339 --> 00:31:22,632
that sits on the top?
749
00:31:22,632 --> 00:31:26,720
I very much relate to Albert
seeking approval from his mom.
750
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,263
But you didn't like
the book, right?
751
00:31:28,263 --> 00:31:29,931
You don't think
it deserves a sequel?
752
00:31:29,931 --> 00:31:32,183
Well, no, honey.
I love the book.
753
00:31:32,183 --> 00:31:35,478
But are you sure you wanna
bring back all those characters?
754
00:31:36,730 --> 00:31:40,150
(SIGHS, GAGS)
755
00:31:40,150 --> 00:31:42,360
That is so what a mom
would say of just,
756
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,863
"Really? You're gonna do that?
You're gonna wear that?
757
00:31:44,863 --> 00:31:47,699
- Really? Okay."
- I'll talk to you later.
758
00:31:47,699 --> 00:31:52,120
- BEATRICE: Honey, I love you.
- I know you think you do.
759
00:31:52,454 --> 00:31:54,205
(SIGHS)
760
00:31:54,205 --> 00:31:56,416
That's not
the kindest thing to say
761
00:31:56,416 --> 00:31:59,127
but it does acknowledge
that I know you think you do.
762
00:31:59,127 --> 00:32:00,295
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- And that's something
763
00:32:00,295 --> 00:32:01,796
- and I'll give it credit.
- ROB: Yeah.
764
00:32:01,796 --> 00:32:04,299
'Cause if I tell my mom
she doesn't love me--
765
00:32:04,299 --> 00:32:06,217
- Of course she does.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
766
00:32:06,217 --> 00:32:09,012
Of course she says she does.
Seems insane to her.
767
00:32:09,012 --> 00:32:10,388
But now I know
what to say to her.
768
00:32:10,388 --> 00:32:13,224
"I know you think you do.
And I love you too, Mom."
769
00:32:13,224 --> 00:32:15,101
How many times
were you on Carson or--
770
00:32:15,101 --> 00:32:16,561
- How many times?
- Thirty.
771
00:32:16,561 --> 00:32:17,520
ROB: Thirty times? Yeah.
772
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,272
You were always trying
to get your mother
773
00:32:19,272 --> 00:32:22,984
to acknowledge the fact
that you were killing
774
00:32:22,984 --> 00:32:26,571
- on these shows.
- The standard conversation,
775
00:32:26,571 --> 00:32:27,655
I would call her.
776
00:32:27,655 --> 00:32:29,407
She wouldn't call me
after a show.
777
00:32:29,407 --> 00:32:31,159
If I waited
for that phone to ring,
778
00:32:31,159 --> 00:32:34,412
it would be a month later.
So I would call her.
779
00:32:34,913 --> 00:32:36,164
"Hi."
780
00:32:36,164 --> 00:32:38,458
"Oh, honey, you're done?"
That was the first thing.
781
00:32:38,458 --> 00:32:40,752
"No, we're on the show.
Here's Johnny.
782
00:32:40,752 --> 00:32:43,630
- Yes, I'm done."
- (LAUGHS)
783
00:32:43,630 --> 00:32:45,965
"So, uh, what did you think?"
784
00:32:45,965 --> 00:32:52,263
And you know, she went,
"Oh, honey, it was--
785
00:32:52,263 --> 00:32:54,933
- What did Johnny think?"
- ROB: Wow.
786
00:32:54,933 --> 00:32:56,059
And that was every--
787
00:32:56,059 --> 00:32:58,103
And I was gonna call
my autobiography
788
00:32:58,103 --> 00:32:59,938
- What Did Johnny Think?
- ROB: Wow.
789
00:32:59,938 --> 00:33:01,940
Because that's what--
"What did Johnny think?
790
00:33:01,940 --> 00:33:03,108
What did Johnny think?"
791
00:33:03,108 --> 00:33:07,987
♪ (CINEMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
792
00:33:08,780 --> 00:33:10,240
ROB:
And your mother was a singer.
793
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:11,783
ALBERT:
My mother was a great singer.
794
00:33:11,783 --> 00:33:14,035
- ROB: Right.
- My mother had a career.
795
00:33:14,035 --> 00:33:16,955
She met my father
on a movie set.
796
00:33:16,955 --> 00:33:19,541
New Faces of 1937.
797
00:33:19,541 --> 00:33:21,334
Where is that cheap
chiseling grafter?
798
00:33:21,334 --> 00:33:23,044
- Where is he?
- There he is.
799
00:33:23,044 --> 00:33:25,088
- Parky, speak to the lady.
- Hello.
800
00:33:25,088 --> 00:33:26,548
(SINGING) ♪ We do in gay Paris ♪
801
00:33:26,548 --> 00:33:29,634
♪ 'Cause it's gay and it's fun
And it's done ♪
802
00:33:29,634 --> 00:33:31,428
♪ Ooh, la, la! ♪
803
00:33:31,428 --> 00:33:32,804
Ooh, la, la.
804
00:33:36,182 --> 00:33:39,102
ALBERT: And she stopped
and became a mother,
805
00:33:39,102 --> 00:33:41,396
and would sing at parties.
806
00:33:41,396 --> 00:33:45,483
And it took me a long time
to realize that, you know,
807
00:33:45,483 --> 00:33:47,152
maybe she didn't wanna
talk about
808
00:33:47,152 --> 00:33:48,987
The Johnny Carson Show too much
809
00:33:48,987 --> 00:33:50,321
because she wanted
to be on it...
810
00:33:50,321 --> 00:33:52,032
ROB:
To be on The Johnny Carson Show.
811
00:33:52,032 --> 00:33:53,992
- ...which is a normal feeling.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
812
00:33:53,992 --> 00:33:55,452
You could still love your son
813
00:33:55,452 --> 00:33:56,870
- and still think, "God damn it."
- Yeah. Right.
814
00:33:56,870 --> 00:33:59,039
-"I can sing better than her."
- ROB: I could be on there, yeah.
815
00:33:59,039 --> 00:34:00,915
You were looking
for validation from her
816
00:34:00,915 --> 00:34:03,043
and she was
only gonna validate you
817
00:34:03,043 --> 00:34:04,836
- if Johnny Carson did.
- ALBERT: That's right.
818
00:34:04,836 --> 00:34:09,007
And I tell you, the closest
my life ever came where that
819
00:34:09,007 --> 00:34:11,301
was an actual shift
820
00:34:11,301 --> 00:34:14,471
was when I got nominated
for an Oscar.
821
00:34:14,471 --> 00:34:18,308
And the nominees are
Albert Brooks in Broadcast News.
822
00:34:18,308 --> 00:34:19,684
(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)
823
00:34:19,684 --> 00:34:23,521
ALBERT: I took a date,
her and her sister.
824
00:34:23,521 --> 00:34:27,525
And that evening was,
"Oh, my God!"
825
00:34:27,525 --> 00:34:28,443
Because, you know,
826
00:34:28,443 --> 00:34:30,028
- it's so crazy there.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
827
00:34:30,028 --> 00:34:32,030
So, she had to accept
the fact that you--
828
00:34:32,030 --> 00:34:34,449
Yes. I think she did.
I think she did.
829
00:34:34,449 --> 00:34:38,286
But I also think that
she had normal feelings of,
830
00:34:38,286 --> 00:34:39,746
"I wonder what I could've done."
831
00:34:39,746 --> 00:34:41,039
ROB: Yes, yes.
832
00:34:41,039 --> 00:34:42,999
ALBERT: And that's what Mother
was about because he discovers
833
00:34:42,999 --> 00:34:45,126
- that his mother was a writer.
- ROB: Right.
834
00:34:45,126 --> 00:34:46,336
JOHN HENDERSON:
How much have you written?
835
00:34:46,336 --> 00:34:48,380
Did you ever get
anything published?
836
00:34:48,380 --> 00:34:52,092
No. I never published.
Your father talked me out of it.
837
00:34:52,092 --> 00:34:54,052
Why would he do that?
838
00:34:54,052 --> 00:34:55,470
You know, dear, in those days,
839
00:34:55,470 --> 00:34:59,557
a woman didn't have a career.
You know, she just...
840
00:34:59,557 --> 00:35:03,687
Raised children who she hated
for ruining her life
841
00:35:03,687 --> 00:35:07,565
and killing her chances of doing
the one thing she loved.
842
00:35:08,900 --> 00:35:11,069
Our dads were both comedians
843
00:35:11,069 --> 00:35:12,862
and our mothers
were both singers.
844
00:35:12,862 --> 00:35:14,072
My mother was a singer too.
845
00:35:14,072 --> 00:35:17,033
And also parked her career
846
00:35:17,033 --> 00:35:19,202
to raise children
and always wanted
847
00:35:19,202 --> 00:35:20,578
to get on stage.
848
00:35:20,578 --> 00:35:25,125
Now, I would notice at parties,
the happiest she was
849
00:35:25,125 --> 00:35:27,085
is when somebody
would play the piano
850
00:35:27,085 --> 00:35:28,920
- and she would sing.
- Right.
851
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:34,092
And you naively think
that your parents
852
00:35:34,092 --> 00:35:37,470
or your siblings
automatically support you
853
00:35:37,470 --> 00:35:38,930
- a hundred percent.
- ROB: Right.
854
00:35:38,930 --> 00:35:44,686
But human beings have qualities
like jealousy and being envious.
855
00:35:44,686 --> 00:35:47,105
And it doesn't matter
if it's a father or a son.
856
00:35:47,105 --> 00:35:48,398
- ROB: Right, right, right.
- It's like, "Jesus,
857
00:35:48,398 --> 00:35:50,692
I never got to play
baseball like that."
858
00:35:50,692 --> 00:35:52,944
-"Good! Good hit!" You know?
- Yeah, yeah.
859
00:35:52,944 --> 00:35:54,279
I mean, it's just the brain.
860
00:35:54,279 --> 00:35:56,364
So, your mother is seeing
that you're starting
861
00:35:56,364 --> 00:35:58,408
in show business,
you're starting to succeed,
862
00:35:58,408 --> 00:36:01,286
and she's a little jealous.
She wanted to have--
863
00:36:01,286 --> 00:36:04,789
I know my mother loved me
and I know she was happy for me,
864
00:36:04,789 --> 00:36:07,834
but I knew that I couldn't--
865
00:36:07,834 --> 00:36:12,130
I didn't talk very much
when something great happened
866
00:36:12,130 --> 00:36:13,214
because there was just--
867
00:36:13,214 --> 00:36:14,549
ROB: 'Cause you didn't want her
to feel--
868
00:36:14,549 --> 00:36:16,259
- Yes. I could feel a limit.
- ROB: Yeah. Yeah.
869
00:36:16,259 --> 00:36:18,595
And I didn't want to--
870
00:36:18,595 --> 00:36:20,472
- I could feel it.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
871
00:36:20,472 --> 00:36:24,809
For the first time,
I don't see you as my mother.
872
00:36:26,311 --> 00:36:28,229
I see you as a failure...
873
00:36:29,314 --> 00:36:30,940
and it's wonderful.
874
00:36:32,650 --> 00:36:35,403
I'm a failure
and that's wonderful?
875
00:36:35,403 --> 00:36:38,698
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
All right, honey...
876
00:36:39,783 --> 00:36:42,285
if that's what you need.
877
00:36:42,285 --> 00:36:45,288
ALBERT: The last time
I saw my mother alive,
878
00:36:45,288 --> 00:36:46,664
the last thing she says--
879
00:36:46,664 --> 00:36:48,708
- And Bob-- Was Bob there?
- ALBERT: Bob there.
880
00:36:48,708 --> 00:36:50,669
The brothers were there,
coming and going.
881
00:36:50,669 --> 00:36:52,462
- ROB: Right, right.
- It was in her apartment.
882
00:36:52,462 --> 00:36:57,300
And a few days before,
there was no more communication.
883
00:36:57,300 --> 00:37:00,261
She was already
on morphine but, you know--
884
00:37:00,261 --> 00:37:02,847
- ROB: Right.
- And she was sitting in a chair.
885
00:37:02,847 --> 00:37:08,687
And I looked, and she looked up.
I said, "Mom, Mom. Hi."
886
00:37:08,687 --> 00:37:09,646
And she looked up,
887
00:37:09,646 --> 00:37:12,315
and the last words
she said to me was...
888
00:37:13,316 --> 00:37:16,403
-"You've lost a little weight."
- (CHUCKLES)
889
00:37:16,403 --> 00:37:17,696
And my brother, Bob, goes,
890
00:37:17,696 --> 00:37:20,156
"I told you she always thought
you were fat."
891
00:37:20,156 --> 00:37:24,119
(LAUGHS)
892
00:37:24,119 --> 00:37:25,704
- Right to the end.
- To the end,
893
00:37:25,704 --> 00:37:27,455
- the last words.
- ROB: Right to the end.
894
00:37:27,455 --> 00:37:29,249
- I remember the albums.
- ROB: Yeah.
895
00:37:29,249 --> 00:37:31,418
Right? And those were great.
896
00:37:31,418 --> 00:37:33,044
But they were still like sort of
897
00:37:33,044 --> 00:37:34,838
- meta and absurdist.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
898
00:37:34,838 --> 00:37:37,674
ALBERT: I made this album,
Comedy Minus One.
899
00:37:37,674 --> 00:37:40,135
And that was recorded
at the Troubadour.
900
00:37:40,135 --> 00:37:44,556
ALBERT:
901
00:37:48,393 --> 00:37:49,561
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
902
00:37:49,561 --> 00:37:53,648
ALBERT:
903
00:37:58,236 --> 00:38:01,197
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
904
00:38:01,197 --> 00:38:02,574
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
905
00:38:02,574 --> 00:38:04,242
BEN STILLER:
But really, for me the big thing
906
00:38:04,242 --> 00:38:06,953
was when A Star is Bought
album came out.
907
00:38:06,953 --> 00:38:08,580
I mean, it was life-changing.
908
00:38:08,580 --> 00:38:10,749
ALBERT: And I did that
with Harry Shearer.
909
00:38:10,749 --> 00:38:13,126
And that was like a movie,
but it was a record.
910
00:38:13,126 --> 00:38:15,628
We did a mock documentary
about my life.
911
00:38:15,628 --> 00:38:17,630
This character, "Albert Brooks."
912
00:38:17,630 --> 00:38:20,008
- ROB: Yeah.
- The idea of the album was, uh,
913
00:38:20,008 --> 00:38:24,095
that he's gonna make a cut
for every type of radio station
914
00:38:24,095 --> 00:38:26,765
so that the album can't fail
because it's gonna appeal
915
00:38:26,765 --> 00:38:29,517
to every different
radio demographic.
916
00:38:29,517 --> 00:38:31,227
So, on classical music,
917
00:38:31,227 --> 00:38:34,773
I supposedly found
the lost words to "Boléro"
918
00:38:34,773 --> 00:38:36,649
and sang that
with a symphony orchestra.
919
00:38:36,649 --> 00:38:38,276
♪ ("LOVE SONG"
BY ALBERT BROOKS PLAYING) ♪
920
00:38:38,276 --> 00:38:42,572
ALBERT: ♪ (SINGING) ♪
921
00:38:51,122 --> 00:38:56,503
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
922
00:38:56,503 --> 00:38:59,255
When I made my first album,
923
00:38:59,255 --> 00:39:02,634
I got very cocky and said,
"I'm not touring."
924
00:39:02,634 --> 00:39:05,220
And I watched the record
just die.
925
00:39:05,220 --> 00:39:07,180
Good night,
ladies and gentlemen.
926
00:39:07,180 --> 00:39:09,015
Like a rock band
coming out with an album,
927
00:39:09,015 --> 00:39:11,226
- you gotta promote the record...
- That's right. And--
928
00:39:11,226 --> 00:39:12,936
- ...by going on tour.
- And I realized this
929
00:39:12,936 --> 00:39:17,065
after a month, it was dead,
and I did too little too late.
930
00:39:17,065 --> 00:39:19,943
- ♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- ALBERT: I booked these clubs.
931
00:39:19,943 --> 00:39:21,695
- And there was a circuit...
- ROB: Right.
932
00:39:21,695 --> 00:39:23,113
- ...in the early '70s.
- ROB: Right.
933
00:39:23,113 --> 00:39:27,325
The Bitter End, Troubadour,
Paul's Mall, The Cellar Door.
934
00:39:27,325 --> 00:39:28,743
- Right. Mr. Kelly's.
- ALBERT: Mr. Kelly's.
935
00:39:28,743 --> 00:39:32,497
- Right.
- And I never loved it.
936
00:39:32,497 --> 00:39:35,500
What happened on the stage
at Paul's Mall in...
937
00:39:35,500 --> 00:39:36,835
- ALBERT: Boston. Yeah.
- ...in Boston?
938
00:39:36,835 --> 00:39:38,461
Where you said,
"I just can't do this"?
939
00:39:38,461 --> 00:39:39,796
ALBERT:
It didn't happen on the stage.
940
00:39:39,796 --> 00:39:42,674
I went back to my hotel
in between shows,
941
00:39:42,674 --> 00:39:44,843
and I don't know,
it just sort of--
942
00:39:44,843 --> 00:39:46,636
- The world changed.
- ROB: Yeah.
943
00:39:46,636 --> 00:39:49,014
It just sort of--
I had an explosion.
944
00:39:49,014 --> 00:39:50,682
He called me. He said,
945
00:39:50,682 --> 00:39:53,268
"The elephants are moving
on the wall
946
00:39:53,268 --> 00:39:56,688
of the wallpaper in my motel."
947
00:39:56,688 --> 00:39:59,149
I said, "So, you should
probably come home now.
948
00:39:59,149 --> 00:40:00,775
- That's a bad sign."
- (ROB CHUCKLES)
949
00:40:00,775 --> 00:40:04,029
What I think it was,
and I could say this now.
950
00:40:04,029 --> 00:40:06,364
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I couldn't tell you then.
951
00:40:06,364 --> 00:40:10,618
I think I got so good
at not getting close.
952
00:40:10,618 --> 00:40:13,371
As a very little kid,
two, three, and four,
953
00:40:13,371 --> 00:40:15,373
I was gonna outsmart God.
954
00:40:15,373 --> 00:40:17,500
I'm not gonna get close
to the sky
955
00:40:17,500 --> 00:40:19,377
and then you're just
gonna take him.
956
00:40:19,377 --> 00:40:21,671
Uh, I'm smarter than that.
957
00:40:21,671 --> 00:40:25,592
And I learned how
to keep distance.
958
00:40:25,592 --> 00:40:28,345
Hmm.
And that not getting close,
959
00:40:28,345 --> 00:40:30,722
that being detached
from everything,
960
00:40:30,722 --> 00:40:33,933
I almost feel like
that was waiting.
961
00:40:34,392 --> 00:40:36,895
"Hello. Excuse me.
962
00:40:36,895 --> 00:40:40,440
Here's 15 years
you never dealt with."
963
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,859
- Wow.
- And it was all of that at once.
964
00:40:42,859 --> 00:40:46,571
Could it have been
the fact that that coincided
965
00:40:46,571 --> 00:40:48,907
with the fact that your father
died on stage?
966
00:40:48,907 --> 00:40:49,991
Yes. Yes.
967
00:40:49,991 --> 00:40:52,410
- It still plays in my head.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
968
00:40:52,410 --> 00:40:53,495
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
969
00:40:53,495 --> 00:40:55,080
ANNOUNCER: NBC's Saturday Night.
970
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:57,582
ROB: You were approached
by Lorne Michaels
971
00:40:57,582 --> 00:40:59,959
- to host Saturday Night Live.
- ALBERT: Okay, yeah. Yes.
972
00:40:59,959 --> 00:41:00,919
I'll tell you the story.
973
00:41:00,919 --> 00:41:03,797
And this is a true story
and I never tell it
974
00:41:03,797 --> 00:41:05,465
because nobody wants
to hear it, but--
975
00:41:05,465 --> 00:41:07,258
- I wanna hear it.
- No, I'm just saying.
976
00:41:07,258 --> 00:41:10,720
They called me in 1974.
977
00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:13,098
I went to an office
with Dick Ebersol
978
00:41:13,098 --> 00:41:14,265
and Lorne Michaels.
979
00:41:14,265 --> 00:41:15,433
- Right.
- ALBERT: And they said,
980
00:41:15,433 --> 00:41:17,435
"We're gonna do
an original show."
981
00:41:17,435 --> 00:41:18,645
Fantastic.
982
00:41:18,645 --> 00:41:20,939
"We'd like it to be
The Albert Brooks Show."
983
00:41:20,939 --> 00:41:22,148
ROB: Wow.
984
00:41:22,148 --> 00:41:24,567
And I said, "You know what?
Every show has a regular host.
985
00:41:24,567 --> 00:41:28,321
You should do revolving hosts.
That's what I would do."
986
00:41:28,321 --> 00:41:29,280
Right.
987
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,283
Then four months later,
they didn't have anybody
988
00:41:32,283 --> 00:41:34,119
and they wanted my name.
989
00:41:34,119 --> 00:41:37,789
At that time, they liked
what my name represented,
990
00:41:37,789 --> 00:41:41,084
and they wanted my name,
and they said,
991
00:41:41,084 --> 00:41:42,961
"What do you want to do?"
992
00:41:42,961 --> 00:41:47,173
And I had made a short film
years earlier for PBS,
993
00:41:47,173 --> 00:41:48,925
The Great American
Dream Machine,
994
00:41:48,925 --> 00:41:51,636
where I took an article
I wrote in Esquire,
995
00:41:51,636 --> 00:41:55,181
"The Albert Brooks'
Famous School for Comedians,"
996
00:41:55,181 --> 00:41:56,641
to teach you to be a comedian.
997
00:41:56,641 --> 00:41:57,851
- ROB: Right.
- ALBERT: Like a commercial.
998
00:41:57,851 --> 00:41:59,602
"Hello!
Do you think you can be funny?"
999
00:41:59,602 --> 00:42:02,856
How many times have you gotten
nice laughs at a party?
1000
00:42:02,856 --> 00:42:04,983
Had a friend turn to you
and say,
1001
00:42:04,983 --> 00:42:07,569
"You know something?
That was pretty funny.
1002
00:42:07,569 --> 00:42:10,405
You should think
about being a comedian."
1003
00:42:10,405 --> 00:42:12,490
Well, your friend was right.
1004
00:42:12,490 --> 00:42:15,702
First today,
we'll visit comedy take class.
1005
00:42:15,702 --> 00:42:18,538
Here, the students practice
all kinds of takes.
1006
00:42:18,538 --> 00:42:20,832
The double take, the elbow take.
1007
00:42:20,832 --> 00:42:23,251
And today, they're working
on the spit take,
1008
00:42:23,251 --> 00:42:26,838
made so famous by Danny Thomas
on Make Room for Daddy.
1009
00:42:26,838 --> 00:42:29,174
Remember when Danny
would be drinking coffee,
1010
00:42:29,174 --> 00:42:32,886
his agent, Sid, would come in
with some surprising news?
1011
00:42:32,886 --> 00:42:36,056
Danny would spit the coffee
all over Sid and the furniture.
1012
00:42:36,056 --> 00:42:38,183
Let's see
how these kids are doing.
1013
00:42:39,476 --> 00:42:40,977
All right.
Now that was pretty good
1014
00:42:40,977 --> 00:42:42,979
but I'd like to try it
just one more time
1015
00:42:42,979 --> 00:42:43,897
in the same way.
1016
00:42:43,897 --> 00:42:46,608
Now remember,
I just walked into the room.
1017
00:42:46,608 --> 00:42:48,109
Now, start to drink.
1018
00:42:49,319 --> 00:42:51,654
Good. Now, I speak.
1019
00:42:51,654 --> 00:42:53,656
Guess what?
I just heard from the bank,
1020
00:42:53,656 --> 00:42:55,450
and not only don't you have
any money,
1021
00:42:55,450 --> 00:42:59,412
- but your sister is dead!
- (STUDENTS SPIT)
1022
00:42:59,412 --> 00:43:00,538
COMEDY TEACHER: That's good.
1023
00:43:00,538 --> 00:43:02,165
That's much better,
except, again,
1024
00:43:02,165 --> 00:43:04,167
Carol, you didn't put
the liquid in your mouth
1025
00:43:04,167 --> 00:43:07,545
and you gargled instead of spit
for the fifth straight time.
1026
00:43:07,545 --> 00:43:08,797
That was funny.
1027
00:43:08,797 --> 00:43:11,675
So, I said,
"Let me make short films."
1028
00:43:11,675 --> 00:43:15,053
So, they made an agreement.
I would make six short films
1029
00:43:15,053 --> 00:43:17,180
and I would do it
from Los Angeles.
1030
00:43:17,180 --> 00:43:20,433
He shaped the trajectory
of Saturday Night Live
1031
00:43:20,433 --> 00:43:22,185
in two ways.
1032
00:43:22,185 --> 00:43:24,562
It's because of him
that they have guest hosts
1033
00:43:24,562 --> 00:43:27,524
every week,
and it's because of him
1034
00:43:27,524 --> 00:43:29,901
- that they have film pieces.
- (CROWD APPLAUDING)
1035
00:43:29,901 --> 00:43:31,861
ANNOUNCER:
In an unprecedented move
1036
00:43:31,861 --> 00:43:33,363
- to ease world tension...
- ♪ (CELEBRATORY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
1037
00:43:33,363 --> 00:43:35,865
...the country of Israel
and the state of Georgia
1038
00:43:35,865 --> 00:43:38,410
have agreed to change places.
1039
00:43:38,410 --> 00:43:40,704
This is indeed
an auspicious occasion
1040
00:43:40,704 --> 00:43:42,956
- of the 20th century.
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
1041
00:43:42,956 --> 00:43:45,250
And I hope that New Orleans
will be easier
1042
00:43:45,250 --> 00:43:47,293
to deal with than Cairo.
1043
00:43:47,293 --> 00:43:49,879
(CROWD APPLAUDS)
1044
00:43:49,879 --> 00:43:52,716
I know-- I know
that my entire state
1045
00:43:52,716 --> 00:43:55,468
is looking forward
to heat without humidity.
1046
00:43:55,468 --> 00:43:56,886
(CROWD APPLAUDS)
1047
00:43:56,886 --> 00:43:58,430
ALBERT:
I thought it would be funny
1048
00:43:58,430 --> 00:43:59,806
to dress up as a cow
1049
00:43:59,806 --> 00:44:02,267
and try and purchase
an airline ticket.
1050
00:44:11,192 --> 00:44:13,611
Those shorts
were mind-blowing to me.
1051
00:44:13,611 --> 00:44:14,946
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- Like, they were like,
1052
00:44:14,946 --> 00:44:18,825
the most punk comedy thing
I had ever seen at that point.
1053
00:44:18,825 --> 00:44:20,785
- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
- This is my favorite part
1054
00:44:20,785 --> 00:44:22,495
of the show
because it gives me a chance
1055
00:44:22,495 --> 00:44:24,289
to introduce a film written, directed,
1056
00:44:24,289 --> 00:44:26,750
and starring my best friend,
Albert Brooks.
1057
00:44:26,750 --> 00:44:28,460
The show that you were on.
1058
00:44:28,460 --> 00:44:29,961
ROB: Yeah,
that was the third show.
1059
00:44:29,961 --> 00:44:33,882
He-- I made a film
that ran too long for his taste.
1060
00:44:33,882 --> 00:44:35,508
- Yeah.
- And Lorne said,
1061
00:44:35,508 --> 00:44:37,218
"Um, we're not running it.
It's too long."
1062
00:44:37,218 --> 00:44:41,514
- ROB: Yeah.
- And thank God you hosted...
1063
00:44:41,514 --> 00:44:43,183
- ROB: Yeah.
- ...and you said,
1064
00:44:43,183 --> 00:44:44,768
"I wanna run that."
1065
00:44:44,768 --> 00:44:46,644
So many of us go through life
1066
00:44:46,644 --> 00:44:49,647
doing one thing,
wanting to do something else.
1067
00:44:49,647 --> 00:44:51,691
I'm one of those people.
I'm a comedian.
1068
00:44:51,691 --> 00:44:52,942
Show business
has been good to me.
1069
00:44:52,942 --> 00:44:55,612
But quite frankly,
if I had the grades in school,
1070
00:44:55,612 --> 00:44:57,405
I would have become a surgeon.
1071
00:44:57,405 --> 00:45:01,493
Well, on July 22nd of this year,
I did something about it.
1072
00:45:01,493 --> 00:45:02,952
I took out the following ad
1073
00:45:02,952 --> 00:45:05,330
in ten of the nation's
leading newspapers.
1074
00:45:05,330 --> 00:45:07,791
"I, Albert Brooks,
professional entertainer,
1075
00:45:07,791 --> 00:45:09,876
wish to perform
open heart surgery,
1076
00:45:09,876 --> 00:45:12,337
coronary bypass operation
preferred."
1077
00:45:12,337 --> 00:45:13,421
Here we go.
1078
00:45:14,673 --> 00:45:16,132
DOCTOR: No, no, no, no.
1079
00:45:16,132 --> 00:45:18,134
ALBERT:
You stay-- Okay. All right.
1080
00:45:18,134 --> 00:45:21,179
I pray it doesn't hurt.
I pray it doesn't hurt.
1081
00:45:21,179 --> 00:45:23,014
- ALBERT: The hell is going on?
- I pray it doesn't hurt.
1082
00:45:23,014 --> 00:45:25,767
ALBERT: Why is he awake?
Where is the anesthesiologist?
1083
00:45:25,767 --> 00:45:29,020
DOCTOR: I don't know.
You're the chief. (CHUCKLES)
1084
00:45:29,020 --> 00:45:32,065
ALBERT: Look,
I have been up for a week,
1085
00:45:32,065 --> 00:45:34,401
I have a very bad sore throat.
1086
00:45:34,401 --> 00:45:36,653
- Don't start with me.
- He don't feel very well.
1087
00:45:36,653 --> 00:45:38,196
- Leave him alone.
- ALBERT: That's all right.
1088
00:45:38,196 --> 00:45:39,656
JUDD APATOW:
You didn't know what show Albert
1089
00:45:39,656 --> 00:45:40,949
- would have a film on.
- ROB: Right.
1090
00:45:40,949 --> 00:45:42,784
So, it always felt to me, like,
1091
00:45:42,784 --> 00:45:45,537
there was this weird
J.D. Salinger comedy guy
1092
00:45:45,537 --> 00:45:47,789
that every once in a while
would offer something up,
1093
00:45:47,789 --> 00:45:49,582
and you didn't know
when it was gonna come.
1094
00:45:49,582 --> 00:45:50,917
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
1095
00:45:50,917 --> 00:45:52,711
- STEVEN: Hi, Albert.
- You got it?
1096
00:45:52,711 --> 00:45:55,880
STEVEN: Yes.
(STAMMERS) It's new.
1097
00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:58,800
I know that you use to hang out
with Steven Spielberg.
1098
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:00,969
- Yeah.
- And he would film you.
1099
00:46:00,969 --> 00:46:03,304
I think he just liked
to always run the camera.
1100
00:46:03,304 --> 00:46:05,724
Yeah, but he didn't run it
with everybody. He just ran--
1101
00:46:05,724 --> 00:46:07,350
No,
because I was giving him stuff.
1102
00:46:07,350 --> 00:46:08,435
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
1103
00:46:08,435 --> 00:46:11,104
I started filming Albert
in 1973.
1104
00:46:11,104 --> 00:46:14,566
We'd go down, like, Sunset
or go up La Cienega
1105
00:46:14,566 --> 00:46:17,027
just so Albert
could lean out the window
1106
00:46:17,027 --> 00:46:19,571
and interview people
at a red light.
1107
00:46:23,742 --> 00:46:24,951
ALBERT: Aha!
1108
00:46:35,754 --> 00:46:38,340
STEVEN: I mean, in a way,
he predated Sacha Baron Cohen.
1109
00:46:38,340 --> 00:46:41,426
What Sacha did with Borat
and all of his brilliant work...
1110
00:46:41,426 --> 00:46:43,261
- ROB: Right.
- ...Albert was doing that stuff
1111
00:46:43,261 --> 00:46:45,138
on the streets
with my eight-millimeter camera
1112
00:46:45,138 --> 00:46:47,182
- in the 1970s.
- ROB: Wow. Wow.
1113
00:46:47,182 --> 00:46:49,100
GENE SISKEL: I can't think
of any American filmmaker
1114
00:46:49,100 --> 00:46:51,644
whose movies
I more eagerly await.
1115
00:46:51,644 --> 00:46:53,355
Directing my first movie,
1116
00:46:53,355 --> 00:46:56,316
Real Life,
which beats Spinal Tap by...
1117
00:46:56,316 --> 00:46:58,985
- ROB: Which is the first one?
- ...five years in mockumentary.
1118
00:46:58,985 --> 00:47:01,988
I've just completed
a motion picture so exciting
1119
00:47:01,988 --> 00:47:05,325
that the following announcement
will be presented in 3D,
1120
00:47:05,325 --> 00:47:08,828
so you can literally
"feel" the excitement.
1121
00:47:08,828 --> 00:47:10,872
Real Life tells the story
of what happens
1122
00:47:10,872 --> 00:47:12,290
when a real family's life
1123
00:47:12,290 --> 00:47:14,959
is turned
into a major motion picture.
1124
00:47:14,959 --> 00:47:19,631
That family could have been you,
or you, or you!
1125
00:47:19,631 --> 00:47:21,007
If you remember some years ago,
1126
00:47:21,007 --> 00:47:22,634
I think it was on PBS,
they did it.
1127
00:47:22,634 --> 00:47:23,885
Was it on national television?
1128
00:47:23,885 --> 00:47:25,970
They covered a family
called the Loud family.
1129
00:47:25,970 --> 00:47:29,766
ALBERT: The idea was exciting
to do because, you know,
1130
00:47:29,766 --> 00:47:32,852
other than the Loud family,
no one had sort of
1131
00:47:32,852 --> 00:47:35,146
- made fun of this yet.
- ROB: Yeah.
1132
00:47:35,146 --> 00:47:37,107
JUDD:
It was so ahead of the curve.
1133
00:47:37,107 --> 00:47:40,985
Everything he was talking about
is what television turned into.
1134
00:47:40,985 --> 00:47:44,447
LARRY DAVID:
I saw Real Life and I thought,
1135
00:47:44,447 --> 00:47:47,992
"Oh, you know, this guy's...
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
1136
00:47:47,992 --> 00:47:50,161
...he's-- He is really special."
1137
00:47:50,161 --> 00:47:53,123
JUDD: The moment that we realize
that we were gonna
1138
00:47:53,123 --> 00:47:56,001
wanna follow real people
and they'd be more interesting
1139
00:47:56,001 --> 00:47:58,586
- than fictionalized people...
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1140
00:47:58,586 --> 00:48:01,297
...Albert satirized that,
but he was very aware
1141
00:48:01,297 --> 00:48:03,717
that people will be obsessed
with making it
1142
00:48:03,717 --> 00:48:04,843
entertaining enough...
1143
00:48:04,843 --> 00:48:06,219
- ROB: Right.
- ...and that show business
1144
00:48:06,219 --> 00:48:08,138
would ruin it
and make it impure.
1145
00:48:08,138 --> 00:48:10,682
Honey, do you think it's safe
for you to be eating
1146
00:48:10,682 --> 00:48:12,517
with your heating pad
in your lap?
1147
00:48:14,352 --> 00:48:18,023
I have terrible cramps,
I am bleeding profusely,
1148
00:48:18,023 --> 00:48:21,943
- and I wanna vomit on the table.
- (CHUCKLES)
1149
00:48:21,943 --> 00:48:23,278
JEANNETTE YEAGER:
What are you doing?
1150
00:48:23,278 --> 00:48:26,197
No, I just wanna let them know
that this is not the way
1151
00:48:26,197 --> 00:48:28,992
we usually talk,
especially at the dinner table.
1152
00:48:28,992 --> 00:48:33,830
This actually, uh, had
some reflection of society
1153
00:48:33,830 --> 00:48:36,958
that are still relevant today.
1154
00:48:36,958 --> 00:48:40,045
I made an appointment
with my gynecologist
1155
00:48:40,045 --> 00:48:42,714
for a quarter to 10:00
tomorrow morning.
1156
00:48:42,714 --> 00:48:45,467
And if you want to,
you and the crew
1157
00:48:45,467 --> 00:48:47,302
can feel free to join me.
1158
00:48:48,053 --> 00:48:50,305
Film the gynecologist?
1159
00:48:50,305 --> 00:48:54,184
It became, for me,
the test movie for--
1160
00:48:54,184 --> 00:48:56,269
If I was dating a girl,
it'd be like,
1161
00:48:56,269 --> 00:48:58,313
"Let's watch Real Life."
(LAUGHS)
1162
00:48:58,313 --> 00:49:00,523
- What are these?
- These are cameras.
1163
00:49:00,523 --> 00:49:03,151
DR. MAXWELL RENNERT:
Oh, no. Oh, God damn it.
1164
00:49:03,151 --> 00:49:04,986
What's going on here?
I was clear.
1165
00:49:04,986 --> 00:49:06,279
Now, come on.
Get out of here, you!
1166
00:49:06,279 --> 00:49:07,739
- Wait, wait, wait!
- RENNERT: I don't need you here.
1167
00:49:07,739 --> 00:49:09,908
This is a big motion picture.
I'm Albert Brooks. How are you?
1168
00:49:09,908 --> 00:49:11,326
RENNERT: I don't care
who the hell you are.
1169
00:49:11,326 --> 00:49:13,078
Talk to my lawyer.
I was cleared.
1170
00:49:13,078 --> 00:49:14,245
Get out. Out, out!
1171
00:49:14,245 --> 00:49:15,580
Dr. Rennert,
these people are with me.
1172
00:49:15,580 --> 00:49:17,374
- They're filming my life.
- RENNERT: Mrs. Yeager, I'm sorry
1173
00:49:17,374 --> 00:49:18,917
but I've had
some bad experiences
1174
00:49:18,917 --> 00:49:20,919
- with the 60 Minutes people.
- ALBERT: No, no.
1175
00:49:20,919 --> 00:49:22,337
- (TELEPHONE RINGS)
- Huh...
1176
00:49:22,337 --> 00:49:26,716
There's four of us here, okay?
He wants an abortion, all right?
1177
00:49:26,716 --> 00:49:28,301
Two. Make it two.
1178
00:49:28,301 --> 00:49:31,262
I'll take a hysterectomy.
She'll have the same.
1179
00:49:31,262 --> 00:49:34,432
How about this for parking?
You think 500 might do it?
1180
00:49:34,432 --> 00:49:37,936
I just wanna film her life.
Please, don't make trouble.
1181
00:49:37,936 --> 00:49:40,980
Oh, my God. Maxwell Rennert,
the baby broker.
1182
00:49:40,980 --> 00:49:43,274
- Oh, God damn it! Come on.
- Oh, I can't believe it.
1183
00:49:43,274 --> 00:49:45,944
Was it tough to get that made?
1184
00:49:45,944 --> 00:49:48,947
I have found nothing easy
to get made.
1185
00:49:48,947 --> 00:49:51,533
Getting made
was the hard part of the life.
1186
00:49:51,533 --> 00:49:53,535
I was dating Linda Ronstadt.
1187
00:49:53,535 --> 00:49:56,079
One of her managers,
he had a cousin,
1188
00:49:56,079 --> 00:49:58,915
who at the time
owned the Chicago Bulls.
1189
00:49:58,915 --> 00:50:01,710
- Okay.
- I sat in a steam room with him,
1190
00:50:01,710 --> 00:50:03,586
- and pitched this thing.
- (CHUCKLES)
1191
00:50:03,586 --> 00:50:04,921
ALBERT: And he said to me,
1192
00:50:04,921 --> 00:50:06,631
"I'll give you
half a million dollars.
1193
00:50:06,631 --> 00:50:10,218
You have to take a letter
of credit out at a bank
1194
00:50:10,218 --> 00:50:13,138
and anything over is yours."
1195
00:50:13,138 --> 00:50:14,472
That you have to pay for?
1196
00:50:14,472 --> 00:50:15,849
- ALBERT: I have to pay for.
- Right.
1197
00:50:15,849 --> 00:50:17,934
And it made every moment tense.
1198
00:50:17,934 --> 00:50:19,227
(ROB CHUCKLES)
1199
00:50:19,227 --> 00:50:21,312
But I wanna take
this opportunity, Rob.
1200
00:50:21,312 --> 00:50:24,357
The man in Chicago,
he keeps calling me and saying,
1201
00:50:24,357 --> 00:50:26,526
"Well, I-- I don't care
if the picture makes money,
1202
00:50:26,526 --> 00:50:28,153
I just don't want you
to go over budget.
1203
00:50:28,153 --> 00:50:29,988
I don't want a call
in the middle of the night
1204
00:50:29,988 --> 00:50:31,364
saying, 'I need more money.
I need more money.
1205
00:50:31,364 --> 00:50:32,615
- I need more money.'"
- ROB: They're worried?
1206
00:50:32,615 --> 00:50:34,159
- They're worried about it?
- Yeah. They're worried.
1207
00:50:34,159 --> 00:50:35,702
Taking a chance
with a first-time director?
1208
00:50:35,702 --> 00:50:37,162
Yeah, but I mean,
I'm a nice guy.
1209
00:50:37,162 --> 00:50:38,329
- I'm not gonna spend his money.
- (CHUCKLES)
1210
00:50:38,329 --> 00:50:40,290
So, I thought
maybe I could swear to God
1211
00:50:40,290 --> 00:50:41,583
- to him on television.
- ROB: Go ahead.
1212
00:50:41,583 --> 00:50:43,335
- Would that be all right?
- ROB: Go ahead. Go ahead.
1213
00:50:43,335 --> 00:50:45,670
- Can I get a-- Okay.
- ROB: Yeah, give him a close-up.
1214
00:50:45,670 --> 00:50:47,380
Mr. Culver is the name.
1215
00:50:47,380 --> 00:50:50,759
I, Albert Brooks, swear to God
I won't go over budget.
1216
00:50:50,759 --> 00:50:52,052
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
1217
00:50:52,052 --> 00:50:55,180
If I do, I will pay every penny
out of my own pocket,
1218
00:50:55,180 --> 00:50:58,058
or Rob and Penny
will pay for it.
1219
00:50:58,058 --> 00:51:00,226
Real Life was made independently,
1220
00:51:00,226 --> 00:51:02,729
and Paramount Pictures
bought it.
1221
00:51:02,729 --> 00:51:04,314
This was my introduction.
1222
00:51:04,314 --> 00:51:06,274
- It was like a Broadway show.
- ROB: Right, right.
1223
00:51:06,274 --> 00:51:09,694
And I get a call that said,
"We're rethinking this.
1224
00:51:09,694 --> 00:51:15,033
We're not gonna go to New York.
Let's not do the critics now.
1225
00:51:15,033 --> 00:51:21,373
Let's open in Honolulu,
in Dallas, and New Orleans."
1226
00:51:21,373 --> 00:51:25,251
I said, "I'm gonna do better
with critics than I'm gonna do
1227
00:51:25,251 --> 00:51:27,545
- with people in Honolulu."
- ROB: Right, right.
1228
00:51:27,545 --> 00:51:30,298
If you pull it out
of the critics' screenings,
1229
00:51:30,298 --> 00:51:31,549
it says to the critics,
1230
00:51:31,549 --> 00:51:33,677
- the film is flawed.
- ROB: Right, right.
1231
00:51:33,677 --> 00:51:35,053
And I said,
1232
00:51:35,053 --> 00:51:39,057
"If you do this,
I won't do one show,
1233
00:51:39,057 --> 00:51:41,893
and if I talk to any press,
I will tell them
1234
00:51:41,893 --> 00:51:43,395
that you've ruined my life."
1235
00:51:43,395 --> 00:51:47,190
And they said, "Well, let us
call you back in 15 minutes."
1236
00:51:47,190 --> 00:51:49,943
Thank God that for whatever
threat, it worked.
1237
00:51:49,943 --> 00:51:53,738
And you know, I got the reviews
that started my career.
1238
00:51:53,738 --> 00:51:55,907
- ROB: Yes.
- ALBERT: If that didn't happen,
1239
00:51:55,907 --> 00:51:57,617
I don't know where I'd be.
1240
00:51:57,617 --> 00:52:00,495
So, you mentioned Harry Shearer,
that you worked
1241
00:52:00,495 --> 00:52:03,248
- on A Star Is Bought.
- And Real Life,
1242
00:52:03,248 --> 00:52:04,416
- Harry, worked. Yeah.
- And Real Life.
1243
00:52:04,416 --> 00:52:05,625
- He was one of the writers.
- ALBERT: Yeah.
1244
00:52:05,625 --> 00:52:07,961
- Along with Monica Johnson.
- ALBERT: Yes.
1245
00:52:07,961 --> 00:52:09,504
ROB: You worked with Monica...
1246
00:52:09,504 --> 00:52:10,630
- On many pictures.
- ...on other pictures.
1247
00:52:10,630 --> 00:52:12,590
Tell me about your relationship
with Monica.
1248
00:52:12,590 --> 00:52:13,591
Well, Monica was great.
1249
00:52:13,591 --> 00:52:17,345
Monica understood
the Albert Brooks character
1250
00:52:17,345 --> 00:52:20,640
like nobody else.
She was so funny.
1251
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:24,102
I wanted to be in a room
or in a car with her
1252
00:52:24,102 --> 00:52:25,478
because back and forth,
1253
00:52:25,478 --> 00:52:27,689
- I think it made me better.
- ROB: Right.
1254
00:52:27,689 --> 00:52:30,066
She got everything.
And then she could
1255
00:52:30,066 --> 00:52:31,901
- throw out a line...
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
1256
00:52:31,901 --> 00:52:34,029
...and you know,
just something really--
1257
00:52:34,029 --> 00:52:35,447
She-- she got it.
1258
00:52:35,447 --> 00:52:38,366
I became aware of Albert
on The Tonight Show.
1259
00:52:38,366 --> 00:52:42,245
I became obsessed with Albert
with Modern Romance.
1260
00:52:42,245 --> 00:52:48,501
- Modern Romance.
- Modern Romance.
1261
00:52:48,501 --> 00:52:50,170
It's my life.
1262
00:52:50,170 --> 00:52:52,088
God, there's something
wrong with you.
1263
00:52:52,088 --> 00:52:53,882
No, there isn't. I'm in love.
1264
00:52:53,882 --> 00:52:55,258
- That's not it.
- Yes.
1265
00:52:55,258 --> 00:52:57,927
- No.
- Yes, I'm in love. I love you.
1266
00:52:58,470 --> 00:52:59,637
(SIGHS)
1267
00:53:00,638 --> 00:53:03,391
I called the number, okay?
A guy answered.
1268
00:53:03,391 --> 00:53:06,019
Obviously, a guy
isn't your brother's girlfriend.
1269
00:53:06,019 --> 00:53:08,271
So, who is he?
You slept with him? Twice?
1270
00:53:08,271 --> 00:53:11,232
- I'm going home.
- I've been this guy.
1271
00:53:11,232 --> 00:53:13,568
I've been this guy
a lot of times.
1272
00:53:13,568 --> 00:53:18,031
I'm, you know, much older now.
I can still be that guy.
1273
00:53:18,031 --> 00:53:23,995
Modern Romance was, you know,
me willing to look completely
1274
00:53:23,995 --> 00:53:27,832
like a psychopath
and how jealousy works.
1275
00:53:27,832 --> 00:53:30,418
I don't think
that we should go out anymore.
1276
00:53:30,418 --> 00:53:32,671
- I mean, I just think it's over.
- (SIGHS)
1277
00:53:32,671 --> 00:53:34,381
You've heard
of a no-win situation,
1278
00:53:34,381 --> 00:53:36,800
- haven't you?
- No.
1279
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:40,428
No? Really no?
You've never heard of one?
1280
00:53:40,428 --> 00:53:44,057
Vietnam, this?
I'm telling you, they're around.
1281
00:53:44,057 --> 00:53:45,392
I think we're in one of them.
1282
00:53:45,392 --> 00:53:47,727
So, the jealousy,
all of that feeling of jealousy,
1283
00:53:47,727 --> 00:53:49,270
- that was just something...
- ALBERT: That's--
1284
00:53:49,270 --> 00:53:50,438
...you felt, but you didn't--
1285
00:53:50,438 --> 00:53:53,108
I felt and it was weird,
and I wanted to show it.
1286
00:53:53,108 --> 00:53:54,401
ROB: Yeah.
1287
00:53:54,401 --> 00:53:55,985
Look, you two didn't get along.
You said it yourself,
1288
00:53:55,985 --> 00:53:57,195
all you ever did was fight.
1289
00:53:57,195 --> 00:53:59,030
You're right. Thank you.
Thank you.
1290
00:53:59,030 --> 00:54:00,115
That's all we ever did.
1291
00:54:00,115 --> 00:54:01,533
I'm telling you,
we fought and fought
1292
00:54:01,533 --> 00:54:04,244
and then we had great sex.
(CHUCKLES)
1293
00:54:04,244 --> 00:54:05,954
We never really could talk.
1294
00:54:06,996 --> 00:54:08,164
Do you need to talk?
1295
00:54:08,164 --> 00:54:11,042
The whole thing
made me so uncomfortable
1296
00:54:11,042 --> 00:54:13,294
because I was at the time,
1297
00:54:13,294 --> 00:54:15,547
in a very unpleasant relationship.
1298
00:54:15,547 --> 00:54:17,382
And I thought,
"Well, this is admirable."
1299
00:54:17,382 --> 00:54:22,137
If you can go and do a movie
and it makes you feel...
1300
00:54:22,137 --> 00:54:24,389
it magnifies
what you're feeling already.
1301
00:54:24,389 --> 00:54:25,974
The head of Columbia said,
1302
00:54:25,974 --> 00:54:28,435
"You have to add
a psychiatrist scene
1303
00:54:28,435 --> 00:54:30,103
and explain this behavior."
1304
00:54:30,103 --> 00:54:31,813
- Right. Right.
-"And if you don't add
1305
00:54:31,813 --> 00:54:35,358
a psychiatrist scene,
you won't have a second week,"
1306
00:54:35,358 --> 00:54:38,194
which basically meant,
we're not gonna advertise.
1307
00:54:38,194 --> 00:54:40,530
- ROB: Wow. Wow.
- And Stanley Kubrick called me.
1308
00:54:40,530 --> 00:54:43,158
And he said,
"You're blaming yourself.
1309
00:54:43,158 --> 00:54:44,576
It's not your fault.
1310
00:54:44,576 --> 00:54:46,828
Studios make a decision
of whether a movie
1311
00:54:46,828 --> 00:54:49,622
is gonna be a hit.
It's their decision.
1312
00:54:49,622 --> 00:54:53,710
I've watched your movie play
in front of 25 people.
1313
00:54:53,710 --> 00:54:54,753
It's killer."
1314
00:54:54,753 --> 00:54:57,630
And then he said,
"How did you do this?"
1315
00:54:57,630 --> 00:55:00,508
"This is the jealousy movie
I've always wanted to make."
1316
00:55:00,508 --> 00:55:03,553
And I'm going,
"Hello. How did I do it?
1317
00:55:03,553 --> 00:55:06,890
How did the guy
walk upside down in 2001?"
1318
00:55:06,890 --> 00:55:08,099
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
1319
00:55:08,099 --> 00:55:12,062
"You tell me and I'll tell you
how I screwed up the girl."
1320
00:55:12,062 --> 00:55:13,438
(LAUGHS)
1321
00:55:13,438 --> 00:55:15,648
The roller coaster ride
of Modern Romance,
1322
00:55:15,648 --> 00:55:18,193
that really always connected
with me. It just--
1323
00:55:18,193 --> 00:55:19,319
ROB: Wow.
1324
00:55:19,319 --> 00:55:21,237
I'm still looking
for my Albert Brooks.
1325
00:55:21,237 --> 00:55:26,368
And to America,
look out, here we come!
1326
00:55:26,368 --> 00:55:28,286
(GUESTS CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
1327
00:55:28,286 --> 00:55:31,623
♪ ("BORN TO BE WILD"
BY STEPPENWOLF PLAYING) ♪
1328
00:55:34,501 --> 00:55:35,627
♪ Get your motor runnin'... ♪
1329
00:55:35,627 --> 00:55:38,296
The Jupiter
with all the gravitational pull
1330
00:55:38,296 --> 00:55:39,923
is, for me, Lost in America.
1331
00:55:39,923 --> 00:55:41,132
(HORN HONKS)
1332
00:55:41,132 --> 00:55:43,385
♪ Racing with the wind... ♪
1333
00:55:43,385 --> 00:55:46,179
What was the inspiration
for Lost in America?
1334
00:55:46,179 --> 00:55:49,265
People who make
gigantic decisions
1335
00:55:49,265 --> 00:55:50,934
- and are wrong.
- (ROB CHUCKLES)
1336
00:55:50,934 --> 00:55:53,353
This is what we talked about
when we were 19.
1337
00:55:53,353 --> 00:55:55,271
Remember? We kept saying,
"Let's find ourselves."
1338
00:55:55,271 --> 00:55:56,356
But we didn't have a dollar
1339
00:55:56,356 --> 00:55:58,191
so we watched
television instead.
1340
00:55:58,191 --> 00:55:59,818
I mean, we can drop out
1341
00:55:59,818 --> 00:56:02,278
and we can still have
our nest egg.
1342
00:56:02,278 --> 00:56:04,322
So, these people
really did everything.
1343
00:56:04,322 --> 00:56:05,615
They sold their house.
1344
00:56:05,615 --> 00:56:07,951
They-- they, you know,
made the unfortunate mistake
1345
00:56:07,951 --> 00:56:09,244
of stopping in Vegas
1346
00:56:09,244 --> 00:56:10,620
- and then it was done.
- ROB: Yeah.
1347
00:56:10,620 --> 00:56:13,123
♪ (SWING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
1348
00:56:15,458 --> 00:56:17,585
- We're up! We're up!
- (SCREAMS) No. We're still down.
1349
00:56:17,585 --> 00:56:19,379
- How down? How down?
- Down. Twenty-two down.
1350
00:56:19,379 --> 00:56:21,172
- Twenty-two.
- How down is she?
1351
00:56:21,172 --> 00:56:22,340
Down.
1352
00:56:22,340 --> 00:56:24,342
- Come on! Twenty-two!
- How down are you?
1353
00:56:24,342 --> 00:56:25,719
- Down, down!
- How much have you lost?
1354
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:27,178
- Everything!
- What does that mean?
1355
00:56:27,178 --> 00:56:28,263
- Everything!
- What do you mean?
1356
00:56:28,263 --> 00:56:29,389
- Everything on 22...
- What do you mean?
1357
00:56:29,389 --> 00:56:30,557
What is happening?
What are you doing?
1358
00:56:30,557 --> 00:56:32,058
...and make it happen for me.
1359
00:56:32,058 --> 00:56:33,643
How much is left
of the nest egg?
1360
00:56:33,643 --> 00:56:37,522
Nothing. Well, give--
give or take, 1,000.
1361
00:56:38,356 --> 00:56:41,234
- Give or take 1,000?
- Yeah.
1362
00:56:41,234 --> 00:56:42,694
(GROANS)
1363
00:56:42,694 --> 00:56:45,947
As the boldest experiment
in advertising history,
1364
00:56:45,947 --> 00:56:49,492
- you give us our money back.
- I beg your pardon?
1365
00:56:49,492 --> 00:56:52,037
- I understood the nest egg--
- Please do me a favor.
1366
00:56:52,037 --> 00:56:54,372
Don't use the word.
You may not use that word.
1367
00:56:54,372 --> 00:56:55,999
It's off limits to you.
1368
00:56:55,999 --> 00:56:58,084
Only those in this house
who understand nest egg,
1369
00:56:58,084 --> 00:57:00,545
may use it. And don't use
any part of it either.
1370
00:57:00,545 --> 00:57:02,464
Don't use "nest,"
don't use "egg."
1371
00:57:02,464 --> 00:57:03,840
If you're out in the forest,
you can point,
1372
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,551
that bird lives
in a "round stick."
1373
00:57:06,551 --> 00:57:10,221
And-- and-- and you have
"things" over-easy with toast.
1374
00:57:10,221 --> 00:57:12,557
STEVEN:
It also spoke to the stuff
1375
00:57:12,557 --> 00:57:13,767
that we all go through
1376
00:57:13,767 --> 00:57:15,852
- when we have to find ourselves.
- ROB: Right.
1377
00:57:15,852 --> 00:57:18,980
So, the movie is really a story
about his search
1378
00:57:18,980 --> 00:57:24,986
for who he is as a man
and also as a husband.
1379
00:57:24,986 --> 00:57:28,615
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
1380
00:57:30,116 --> 00:57:32,327
- (HORN HONKING)
- (SCREAMS)
1381
00:57:32,327 --> 00:57:34,037
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1382
00:57:34,037 --> 00:57:35,288
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
1383
00:57:35,288 --> 00:57:38,833
ANNOUNCER: Good afternoon
and welcome to Judgment City.
1384
00:57:38,833 --> 00:57:40,919
You've just had quite
the little journey, so for now,
1385
00:57:40,919 --> 00:57:44,089
- relax and enjoy the ride.
- ROB: What made you think about
1386
00:57:44,089 --> 00:57:47,676
afterlife and those ideas?
How'd you come up with that?
1387
00:57:47,676 --> 00:57:50,804
Well, one of the things
when your father exits early,
1388
00:57:50,804 --> 00:57:52,389
you wonder, "Where does he go
1389
00:57:52,389 --> 00:57:53,640
- and what's going on here?"
- ROB: Yeah.
1390
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:56,768
Well, in a nutshell,
you're here to defend your life.
1391
00:57:57,143 --> 00:57:58,436
Defend my life?
1392
00:57:58,436 --> 00:58:02,148
I didn't like movies
about Heaven.
1393
00:58:02,148 --> 00:58:03,775
I don't like the clouds.
1394
00:58:03,775 --> 00:58:05,110
- ROB: Right.
- I don't like the harps.
1395
00:58:05,110 --> 00:58:08,697
I don't-- And--
And this movie has no religion.
1396
00:58:08,697 --> 00:58:09,614
ROB: No.
1397
00:58:09,614 --> 00:58:12,617
So, what this movie
is really about is fear,
1398
00:58:12,617 --> 00:58:15,787
which, you know,
I've dealt with my whole life.
1399
00:58:15,787 --> 00:58:19,874
ROB: And so, if you could live
a life without fear,
1400
00:58:19,874 --> 00:58:22,919
then you would be able
to move on. And that the fear
1401
00:58:22,919 --> 00:58:24,337
- is what's holding you back.
- That's right.
1402
00:58:24,337 --> 00:58:27,132
There are multiple movies
on this topic,
1403
00:58:27,132 --> 00:58:29,801
from, like, the '40s and on.
1404
00:58:29,801 --> 00:58:32,095
"You die. You're suspended.
Where are you going?
1405
00:58:32,095 --> 00:58:33,555
You're going to Heaven.
Is there a Heaven?
1406
00:58:33,555 --> 00:58:35,598
Is there a God?
Is there an afterlife?"
1407
00:58:35,598 --> 00:58:36,975
To me, Defending Your Life
1408
00:58:36,975 --> 00:58:39,561
is the finest piece of work
on that topic.
1409
00:58:39,561 --> 00:58:41,479
- BOY: Look what I found?
- Come on. Give me that.
1410
00:58:41,479 --> 00:58:42,522
Make me.
1411
00:58:42,522 --> 00:58:44,733
(ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)
1412
00:58:44,733 --> 00:58:46,067
Wow.
1413
00:58:46,067 --> 00:58:48,486
- Come on, chicken. (GRUNTS)
- (KIDS SCREAMING INDISTINCTLY)
1414
00:58:48,486 --> 00:58:52,073
You stick up for yourself,
low-life chicken.
1415
00:58:52,073 --> 00:58:54,659
BOB DIAMOND: You see,
every second of every lifetime
1416
00:58:54,659 --> 00:58:56,578
is always recorded.
1417
00:58:56,578 --> 00:58:59,539
And as each one ends,
we sort of look at it.
1418
00:58:59,539 --> 00:59:02,751
Look at a few of the days,
examine it,
1419
00:59:02,751 --> 00:59:05,837
and then if everybody agrees,
you move forward.
1420
00:59:05,837 --> 00:59:07,547
What do you mean "move forward"?
1421
00:59:07,547 --> 00:59:09,132
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON:
As an astrophysicist,
1422
00:59:09,132 --> 00:59:13,345
Defending Your Life was one
of the most insightful films
1423
00:59:13,345 --> 00:59:15,472
I had ever seen.
1424
00:59:15,472 --> 00:59:18,808
I measure the value
of a movie to me
1425
00:59:18,808 --> 00:59:21,895
by how much influence it has
over my thoughts.
1426
00:59:21,895 --> 00:59:24,689
The claim is that
as a human being on Earth,
1427
00:59:24,689 --> 00:59:27,942
we're using some small percent
of our total brain power.
1428
00:59:27,942 --> 00:59:29,944
His attorney,
who's defending his life,
1429
00:59:29,944 --> 00:59:32,697
is using, like,
45 or 50 percent
1430
00:59:32,697 --> 00:59:33,865
of his brain power.
1431
00:59:33,865 --> 00:59:35,492
But there's still
higher levels beyond that.
1432
00:59:35,492 --> 00:59:38,203
For example,
I use 48 percent of my brain.
1433
00:59:38,203 --> 00:59:39,704
Do you know how much you use?
1434
00:59:41,623 --> 00:59:43,375
Forty-seven?
1435
00:59:43,375 --> 00:59:46,544
- (CHUCKLES) Three.
- I'm sorry?
1436
00:59:46,544 --> 00:59:50,715
And the lawyer says,
"I am deeply simplifying
1437
00:59:50,715 --> 00:59:53,385
my communication,
so that you can understand me."
1438
00:59:53,385 --> 00:59:55,637
Where were you?
I'm just curious.
1439
00:59:55,637 --> 00:59:57,430
I'd tell you
but you wouldn't understand.
1440
00:59:57,430 --> 01:00:00,558
Don't treat me like a moron.
Try me.
1441
01:00:00,558 --> 01:00:02,227
I was trapped
near the inner circle
1442
01:00:02,227 --> 01:00:03,937
of thought.
1443
01:00:03,937 --> 01:00:06,022
- I don't understand.
- I told you.
1444
01:00:06,022 --> 01:00:09,651
And it's because of that scene,
I've always been thinking
1445
01:00:09,651 --> 01:00:12,779
about how stupid
we may actually be
1446
01:00:12,779 --> 01:00:16,074
on the spectrum of intelligence
in the universe.
1447
01:00:16,074 --> 01:00:19,244
- Hi. How'd you die?
- On stage, like you.
1448
01:00:19,244 --> 01:00:21,162
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
1449
01:00:21,162 --> 01:00:23,873
ROB: You and Meryl Streep
are incredible together.
1450
01:00:23,873 --> 01:00:25,625
How did she wind up
in that movie?
1451
01:00:25,625 --> 01:00:27,293
Well, I was friends
with Carrie Fisher.
1452
01:00:27,293 --> 01:00:30,630
And she had a party,
and Meryl Streep was there,
1453
01:00:30,630 --> 01:00:35,010
and I was surprised
how easygoing she was.
1454
01:00:35,010 --> 01:00:37,220
And I said,
"I just finished something
1455
01:00:37,220 --> 01:00:38,763
I'm really excited about it."
1456
01:00:38,763 --> 01:00:41,182
And I don't know
if it was half-joking or real,
1457
01:00:41,182 --> 01:00:43,768
she said,
"Is there a part in it for me?"
1458
01:00:43,768 --> 01:00:47,439
- I said, "Yeah. Right. Okay."
- (ROB CHUCKLES)
1459
01:00:47,439 --> 01:00:50,442
And I went home
and I thought, "God, yes!"
1460
01:00:50,442 --> 01:00:51,568
ROB: Yeah, yeah.
1461
01:00:51,568 --> 01:00:53,945
I don't know what this is.
(SCOFFS)
1462
01:00:55,155 --> 01:00:56,239
But it's...
1463
01:00:58,116 --> 01:00:59,534
well, it's...
1464
01:00:59,534 --> 01:01:00,785
- effortless. (CHUCKLES)
- Effortless.
1465
01:01:00,785 --> 01:01:03,913
CONAN: You can tell
that everything
1466
01:01:03,913 --> 01:01:06,833
that's real in his personality
is coming out.
1467
01:01:06,833 --> 01:01:10,128
But I've been defending myself
so hard these last few days
1468
01:01:10,128 --> 01:01:13,214
and I just don't wanna be judged anymore.
1469
01:01:13,214 --> 01:01:16,426
I have this wonderful feeling
inside of me but I'm af--
1470
01:01:18,053 --> 01:01:20,388
I'm just tired of being judged.
1471
01:01:21,639 --> 01:01:25,977
It's hilarious
and I cry at the end every time.
1472
01:01:25,977 --> 01:01:28,688
- DANIEL MILLER: Julia! No!
- (ELECTRICITY ZAPS)
1473
01:01:28,688 --> 01:01:32,275
- (SCREAMS) Daniel!
- DANIEL: I love you!
1474
01:01:32,275 --> 01:01:34,486
♪ (EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
1475
01:01:36,780 --> 01:01:39,199
It's an emotional movie,
and it's about personal growth,
1476
01:01:39,199 --> 01:01:41,493
and that's not something
that was in the other movies.
1477
01:01:41,493 --> 01:01:42,994
- ROB: Right.
- JUDD: But this time,
1478
01:01:42,994 --> 01:01:45,497
he finds a way
to overcome his fear.
1479
01:01:45,497 --> 01:01:47,499
He finds love.
He wins at the end,
1480
01:01:47,499 --> 01:01:51,711
and it felt like a big choice
from Albert to show the lessons
1481
01:01:51,711 --> 01:01:54,673
that I assumed
he was trying to learn in life.
1482
01:01:54,673 --> 01:01:56,091
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
1483
01:01:56,091 --> 01:01:59,010
Do you have any thoughts about
what happens after you die?
1484
01:01:59,010 --> 01:02:01,221
I don't mind being taken
out of the game.
1485
01:02:01,221 --> 01:02:03,848
I just don't wanna see anymore
of the game.
1486
01:02:03,848 --> 01:02:06,643
- Yeah, yeah.
- So that, to me, would be agony.
1487
01:02:06,643 --> 01:02:08,353
- ROB: Yes.
- To be taken away
1488
01:02:08,353 --> 01:02:10,188
but you get a little peek at...
1489
01:02:10,188 --> 01:02:12,273
"Oh, Rob's still doing well,"
you know?
1490
01:02:12,273 --> 01:02:13,566
(BOTH LAUGH)
1491
01:02:13,566 --> 01:02:16,569
And by the way, on nights
you sleep and you don't dream,
1492
01:02:16,569 --> 01:02:18,071
how do you know,
what if you don't wake up?
1493
01:02:18,071 --> 01:02:19,364
- How would you know?
- Yeah.
1494
01:02:19,364 --> 01:02:21,908
I mean, God, the first time
I had a colonoscopy,
1495
01:02:21,908 --> 01:02:23,743
it was-- I wanted one every day.
1496
01:02:23,743 --> 01:02:25,203
It's the greatest sleep
in the world.
1497
01:02:25,203 --> 01:02:27,831
And if you woke me up
a thousand years later,
1498
01:02:27,831 --> 01:02:29,833
- I wouldn't have any idea.
- ROB: Right.
1499
01:02:29,833 --> 01:02:32,043
So, I imagine that's what it is.
1500
01:02:32,043 --> 01:02:34,504
What? Like having a colonoscopy?
1501
01:02:34,504 --> 01:02:35,797
- Yes.
- ROB: Yeah.
1502
01:02:35,797 --> 01:02:37,966
Yeah. A big one. (LAUGHS)
1503
01:02:37,966 --> 01:02:41,720
So, you're feeling
your way through the world
1504
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:44,139
of relationships with,
uh, women.
1505
01:02:44,139 --> 01:02:47,100
And I'm sure, there were
a lot of women, come in and out
1506
01:02:47,100 --> 01:02:48,560
- of your life and all that.
- Yes.
1507
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:52,939
And so that I'm sure gives birth
to things like Modern Romance,
1508
01:02:52,939 --> 01:02:55,942
like Defending Your Life,
like Lost in America,
1509
01:02:55,942 --> 01:02:58,778
all of those pictures
that have these relationships.
1510
01:02:58,778 --> 01:03:00,989
We're seeing
Albert Brooks struggling
1511
01:03:00,989 --> 01:03:03,033
with the opposite sex.
1512
01:03:03,033 --> 01:03:05,243
So, how did you eventually find
your way?
1513
01:03:05,243 --> 01:03:07,996
Well, I lucked out
because I waited long enough
1514
01:03:07,996 --> 01:03:10,081
where I had reached a point,
1515
01:03:10,081 --> 01:03:14,127
and if anybody ever asks me
advice about it,
1516
01:03:14,127 --> 01:03:16,254
you know,
"How do you find someone?"
1517
01:03:16,254 --> 01:03:19,257
I mean,
the answer is you stop looking.
1518
01:03:19,257 --> 01:03:22,719
Albert, you were one of the last
bachelors to go in Hollywood.
1519
01:03:22,719 --> 01:03:24,929
- You waited a long time.
- (LAUGHS) That's right.
1520
01:03:24,929 --> 01:03:26,931
Warren Beatty and I
used to huddle in the corner.
1521
01:03:26,931 --> 01:03:28,099
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
1522
01:03:28,099 --> 01:03:30,435
What was it about this lady
that set her apart
1523
01:03:30,435 --> 01:03:32,604
from all those nymphet starlets
1524
01:03:32,604 --> 01:03:33,855
- you'd been with?
- Yes!
1525
01:03:33,855 --> 01:03:35,440
I guess this wasn't
the romantic way to put it,
1526
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:38,651
but after two days,
I looked right in her eyes
1527
01:03:38,651 --> 01:03:40,779
and I said,
"You're the first woman
1528
01:03:40,779 --> 01:03:42,572
I'm willing
to be divorced from."
1529
01:03:42,572 --> 01:03:44,240
(ALL LAUGHING)
1530
01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:50,121
I met Kimberly
and it was just right.
1531
01:03:50,121 --> 01:03:51,998
ROB: Yeah. How did you meet her?
1532
01:03:51,998 --> 01:03:54,668
- I was set up by friends.
- ROB: Yeah.
1533
01:03:54,668 --> 01:03:56,336
And she called it a blind date,
1534
01:03:56,336 --> 01:03:58,797
and yet Defending Your Life
was her favorite movie,
1535
01:03:58,797 --> 01:04:00,799
so I said,
"Well, it was a one-eyed date."
1536
01:04:00,799 --> 01:04:01,966
ROB: Yes.
1537
01:04:01,966 --> 01:04:04,719
I thought the movie was amazing.
And I said,
1538
01:04:04,719 --> 01:04:08,640
"This man wrote,
directed, and starred in this?
1539
01:04:08,640 --> 01:04:10,100
That's the kind of guy
I wanna marry."
1540
01:04:10,100 --> 01:04:11,559
I swear to God I said that.
(CHUCKLES)
1541
01:04:11,559 --> 01:04:12,769
- ROB: Really?
- Yeah.
1542
01:04:12,769 --> 01:04:15,105
But I was filming
in San Francisco, Mother.
1543
01:04:15,105 --> 01:04:16,773
- ROB: Right.
- So, we talked on the phone
1544
01:04:16,773 --> 01:04:18,650
for ages.
But I'll tell you, one of these,
1545
01:04:18,650 --> 01:04:20,985
I'm not a big coincidence guy.
1546
01:04:20,985 --> 01:04:23,029
- ROB: Yeah.
- But this was interesting.
1547
01:04:23,029 --> 01:04:28,034
I wrote Mother before I met her,
and she came from Marin,
1548
01:04:28,034 --> 01:04:30,328
and I set the character
in Marin.
1549
01:04:30,328 --> 01:04:31,996
- More importantly...
- ROB: That's why--
1550
01:04:31,996 --> 01:04:35,500
...I set the character
at Tam High,
1551
01:04:35,500 --> 01:04:38,878
- where she went to high school.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1552
01:04:38,878 --> 01:04:40,213
So, that was weird!
1553
01:04:40,213 --> 01:04:42,924
Our hour-long conversations
became, you know,
1554
01:04:42,924 --> 01:04:44,634
eight-hour long conversations
1555
01:04:44,634 --> 01:04:46,177
and he made me laugh
till I cried
1556
01:04:46,177 --> 01:04:47,846
but this was
before the internet.
1557
01:04:47,846 --> 01:04:49,472
He had no idea
what I looked like.
1558
01:04:49,472 --> 01:04:52,475
So, we kind of fell in love
by talking.
1559
01:04:52,475 --> 01:04:53,768
And we talked on the phone
1560
01:04:53,768 --> 01:04:55,770
and it was great, great,
great, great, great.
1561
01:04:55,770 --> 01:04:57,272
We met and it was great.
1562
01:04:57,272 --> 01:05:03,695
And, you know, I had waited
and knew that I couldn't--
1563
01:05:03,695 --> 01:05:05,363
shouldn't be waiting
too much longer.
1564
01:05:05,363 --> 01:05:06,865
- ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- (LAUGHS)
1565
01:05:06,865 --> 01:05:08,158
- Yeah.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
1566
01:05:08,158 --> 01:05:09,367
My line was,
1567
01:05:09,367 --> 01:05:12,328
"I'm gonna have to look
for high schools with ramps."
1568
01:05:12,328 --> 01:05:15,331
(BOTH LAUGH)
1569
01:05:15,331 --> 01:05:16,207
"Is Dad coming?"
1570
01:05:16,207 --> 01:05:18,209
"He's wheeling up.
He's wheeling up."
1571
01:05:18,209 --> 01:05:20,712
The chemistry,
everything was there
1572
01:05:20,712 --> 01:05:21,921
the minute we met.
1573
01:05:21,921 --> 01:05:24,549
Somehow,
I don't know how it happened,
1574
01:05:24,549 --> 01:05:26,009
but we were, like, making out
1575
01:05:26,009 --> 01:05:28,053
to the soundtrack
of Schindler's List.
1576
01:05:28,053 --> 01:05:29,387
- (ROB CHUCKLES)
- (LAUGHS)
1577
01:05:29,387 --> 01:05:31,014
That's true.
1578
01:05:31,014 --> 01:05:32,390
It was worth waiting for.
1579
01:05:32,390 --> 01:05:34,225
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- That's all I can say.
1580
01:05:34,225 --> 01:05:35,602
KIMBERLY: And I said,
"Well, look,
1581
01:05:35,602 --> 01:05:38,813
I don't know why you've waited
but this is what I want.
1582
01:05:38,813 --> 01:05:41,066
I wanna get married,
you know, have kids.
1583
01:05:41,066 --> 01:05:42,442
The whole nine yards."
1584
01:05:42,442 --> 01:05:45,695
So, then he kept saying,
"Well, why don't you move in?"
1585
01:05:45,695 --> 01:05:47,113
Like, when we were dating.
1586
01:05:47,113 --> 01:05:51,201
And I kept going like this,
"It's so empty there, isn't it?
1587
01:05:51,201 --> 01:05:54,579
Like, do you see anything?"
You know, like, every time.
1588
01:05:54,579 --> 01:05:58,625
And then he said, "Okay,
I'll take you to Tiffany's."
1589
01:05:58,625 --> 01:06:02,170
And I was like, "Ah, ah, I need
to hear the whole sentence.
1590
01:06:02,170 --> 01:06:04,798
Like, you need to get on a knee.
Like, you need to do it."
1591
01:06:04,798 --> 01:06:07,050
- And so then he did it.
- ROB: Wow.
1592
01:06:07,050 --> 01:06:09,010
She thinks I proposed.
I actually tripped.
1593
01:06:09,010 --> 01:06:10,470
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
1594
01:06:10,470 --> 01:06:12,263
- You were on your knees--
- That's right.
1595
01:06:12,263 --> 01:06:14,432
I dropped a contact lens,
bent down to pick it up
1596
01:06:14,432 --> 01:06:16,017
- and she said, "Yes."
- And you got married.
1597
01:06:16,017 --> 01:06:17,560
- Yeah.
- (ALL LAUGH)
1598
01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:19,104
ROB: I've known you so long,
1599
01:06:19,104 --> 01:06:22,732
and when you met Kimberly
and you got married
1600
01:06:22,732 --> 01:06:24,150
and you had kids,
1601
01:06:24,150 --> 01:06:27,612
I thought, "This is a big thing
for Albert,"
1602
01:06:27,612 --> 01:06:31,449
because you didn't see
that evolution for you.
1603
01:06:31,449 --> 01:06:33,284
I was sick of me.
1604
01:06:33,284 --> 01:06:36,496
I mean, if I couldn't do this
for somebody,
1605
01:06:36,496 --> 01:06:38,039
I think I would never have
1606
01:06:38,039 --> 01:06:40,208
- left my home past fifty.
- ROB: Right, right.
1607
01:06:40,208 --> 01:06:42,961
And so you have Jake,
you have Claire,
1608
01:06:42,961 --> 01:06:45,005
and now all of a sudden
you're a father.
1609
01:06:45,005 --> 01:06:46,840
How are you adjusting to that?
1610
01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:49,092
I couldn't imagine
a life without it.
1611
01:06:49,092 --> 01:06:52,303
Now, do your kids know
that you're that Albert Brooks?
1612
01:06:52,303 --> 01:06:55,432
I-- I haven't really shown them
the movies yet
1613
01:06:55,432 --> 01:06:57,809
because they--
1614
01:06:57,809 --> 01:07:01,980
I don't wanna see them
not like it.
1615
01:07:01,980 --> 01:07:04,190
'Cause then I'd have
to punish them severely.
1616
01:07:04,190 --> 01:07:05,984
- (DAVID LETTERMAN LAUGHING)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
1617
01:07:05,984 --> 01:07:07,277
In my will, David,
1618
01:07:07,277 --> 01:07:10,989
I have a detailed questionnaire
about my movies.
1619
01:07:10,989 --> 01:07:12,824
- (LAUGHS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
1620
01:07:12,824 --> 01:07:14,701
And if they can't answer it...
1621
01:07:14,701 --> 01:07:16,119
- Very shrewd.
- There's nothing.
1622
01:07:16,119 --> 01:07:17,328
- There's nothing.
- I think you're on
1623
01:07:17,328 --> 01:07:18,830
- to something there.
- Right. There's nothing.
1624
01:07:18,830 --> 01:07:22,584
- A only mark.
- All right, and action!
1625
01:07:22,584 --> 01:07:24,127
She's a muse.
1626
01:07:24,502 --> 01:07:25,545
Come on.
1627
01:07:25,545 --> 01:07:28,298
No. I-- I met her at a party
a couple of years ago.
1628
01:07:28,298 --> 01:07:30,675
- Rob Reiner introduced us.
- Rob Reiner?
1629
01:07:30,675 --> 01:07:31,968
ROB: The idea of the film
1630
01:07:31,968 --> 01:07:34,179
is that there's this woman
who's a muse
1631
01:07:34,179 --> 01:07:37,182
who can get the best things
out of people,
1632
01:07:37,182 --> 01:07:38,975
so they can do their best work.
1633
01:07:38,975 --> 01:07:41,436
That's right.
When you start believing that,
1634
01:07:41,436 --> 01:07:43,980
- it becomes something.
- ROB: Right, right.
1635
01:07:43,980 --> 01:07:46,024
It's the ultimate placebo.
1636
01:07:46,024 --> 01:07:47,442
I can see why you need me.
1637
01:07:47,442 --> 01:07:48,985
When he called me,
I was just, like...
1638
01:07:48,985 --> 01:07:51,696
(GASPS) "Oh, my God,
it's Albert Brooks!"
1639
01:07:51,696 --> 01:07:55,200
You have a lot of talent.
1640
01:07:55,200 --> 01:07:57,369
(SIGHS) It's just that
you're losing your edge.
1641
01:07:57,369 --> 01:07:59,829
Jesus, I am hearing this
from everybody.
1642
01:07:59,829 --> 01:08:01,122
That's because it's true.
1643
01:08:01,122 --> 01:08:03,541
And I said, "Oh, I'm in!"
And he goes,
1644
01:08:03,541 --> 01:08:05,960
"You don't even need
to see the script?"
1645
01:08:05,960 --> 01:08:07,379
And I'm like, "No."
1646
01:08:07,379 --> 01:08:10,173
ALBERT: Sharon
was so receptive.
1647
01:08:10,173 --> 01:08:12,634
- And so much fun to work with.
- ROB: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
1648
01:08:12,634 --> 01:08:17,097
Just really, ideas and energy.
I was crazy about her.
1649
01:08:17,097 --> 01:08:19,057
- Say that to them.
- Everything is her.
1650
01:08:19,057 --> 01:08:21,476
- (LAUGHS)
- (MOUTHING) Everything. (LAUGHS)
1651
01:08:21,476 --> 01:08:23,895
We had
this really wonderful trust
1652
01:08:23,895 --> 01:08:25,313
right from the start.
1653
01:08:25,313 --> 01:08:27,232
There's this scene
where I get in bed
1654
01:08:27,232 --> 01:08:28,566
with Andie MacDowell.
1655
01:08:28,566 --> 01:08:31,152
So, what side of the bed
do you want?
1656
01:08:31,152 --> 01:08:33,822
Oh, you're gonna sleep
in the bed too?
1657
01:08:33,822 --> 01:08:36,449
And I said,
"So, I wanna be naked."
1658
01:08:36,449 --> 01:08:39,244
And he went,
"I don't know. I don't know."
1659
01:08:39,244 --> 01:08:40,704
- He kept covering his eyes.
- ROB: His eyes?
1660
01:08:40,704 --> 01:08:42,872
Yeah, like, "I-- I don't know
if I can--
1661
01:08:42,872 --> 01:08:44,165
I don't know if I can see that."
1662
01:08:44,165 --> 01:08:45,583
You want the whole bed?
1663
01:08:45,583 --> 01:08:48,336
Well, hey, it's your house,
you know? Whatever you wanna do.
1664
01:08:48,336 --> 01:08:50,672
LAURA PHILLIPS: Oh, my God.
You want the whole bed?
1665
01:08:50,922 --> 01:08:52,173
Take it.
1666
01:08:52,173 --> 01:08:54,134
And then you had Scorsese.
1667
01:08:54,134 --> 01:08:55,719
ALBERT: Yeah, we have
these famous directors
1668
01:08:55,719 --> 01:08:58,513
all thinking that they might
get help from this fraud.
1669
01:08:58,513 --> 01:09:00,181
Just tell him
Marty was here, okay?
1670
01:09:00,181 --> 01:09:02,308
'Cause I gotta get
this thing figured out.
I'm right in the middle of it.
1671
01:09:02,308 --> 01:09:04,185
- I gotta get it figured out.
- What are you working on?
1672
01:09:04,185 --> 01:09:05,437
- Promise you won't tell anybody?
- Yeah.
1673
01:09:05,437 --> 01:09:06,938
I'm working on a remake
of Raging Bull.
1674
01:09:06,938 --> 01:09:08,356
- Really?
- Yeah. Only this time,
1675
01:09:08,356 --> 01:09:10,734
I'm doing it with
a real thin guy. Real thin.
1676
01:09:10,734 --> 01:09:12,444
- Can you see it?
- Yeah. I see it.
1677
01:09:12,444 --> 01:09:14,154
- Thin. Thin. Thin.
- Thin and angry. Thin and angry.
1678
01:09:14,154 --> 01:09:16,031
Thin and angry.
Is there a Starbucks near here?
1679
01:09:16,031 --> 01:09:17,449
Oh, gee, I'd be careful
if I were you.
1680
01:09:17,449 --> 01:09:20,243
- You might have had your quota.
- Yeah. I guess I'd-- Quota?
1681
01:09:20,243 --> 01:09:21,619
That gives me an idea
for something else entirely.
1682
01:09:21,619 --> 01:09:22,996
Thank you.
We never had this conversation.
1683
01:09:22,996 --> 01:09:24,581
I don't know who you are.
We never spoke.
1684
01:09:24,581 --> 01:09:25,790
Jim Cameron.
1685
01:09:25,790 --> 01:09:29,044
I just don't see you going back
to the water anytime soon.
1686
01:09:29,044 --> 01:09:31,671
So... no sequel?
1687
01:09:32,130 --> 01:09:33,298
No.
1688
01:09:33,298 --> 01:09:37,635
Stay away from the water.
Don't go near the water.
1689
01:09:37,635 --> 01:09:39,846
- And me. I was-- Yeah. Yeah.
- ALBERT: And you.
1690
01:09:39,846 --> 01:09:42,891
- Sarah!
- (SCREAMS) Oh!
1691
01:09:44,267 --> 01:09:47,145
- It's so good to see you.
- Oh, hey! Oh!
1692
01:09:47,145 --> 01:09:48,730
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
1693
01:09:48,730 --> 01:09:49,731
For the rest of your life
1694
01:09:49,731 --> 01:09:51,566
you're gonna be looking
over your shoulder.
1695
01:09:53,360 --> 01:09:55,653
I'm just telling you this because
1696
01:09:55,653 --> 01:09:57,655
- I want you to know the truth.
- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
1697
01:09:57,655 --> 01:09:59,824
Albert
is a totally trained actor.
1698
01:09:59,824 --> 01:10:02,660
He has all that technique.
He has all those tools.
1699
01:10:02,660 --> 01:10:03,828
He can do anything.
1700
01:10:04,412 --> 01:10:06,498
- Notice anything?
- No.
1701
01:10:06,498 --> 01:10:08,333
BETSY: Then put your glasses on.
1702
01:10:08,333 --> 01:10:11,002
Okay. Just a minute. All right.
1703
01:10:11,002 --> 01:10:13,672
That taxi driver
has been staring at us.
1704
01:10:13,672 --> 01:10:14,756
What taxi driver?
1705
01:10:14,756 --> 01:10:17,300
That one.
The one that's sitting there.
1706
01:10:17,300 --> 01:10:18,551
TOM: How long
has he been there?
1707
01:10:18,551 --> 01:10:21,096
BETSY: I don't know
but it feels like a long time.
1708
01:10:21,096 --> 01:10:23,431
My first acting movie
was Taxi Driver.
1709
01:10:23,431 --> 01:10:24,849
ROB: Right. Scorsese.
1710
01:10:24,849 --> 01:10:27,227
ALBERT: That was a hell
of a movie to have starred in.
1711
01:10:27,227 --> 01:10:30,063
Why did they think
Albert Brooks would be perfect
1712
01:10:30,063 --> 01:10:31,773
for a movie about Travis Bickle?
1713
01:10:31,773 --> 01:10:34,359
You know, I think
Scorsese had seen plenty of me
1714
01:10:34,359 --> 01:10:37,612
on the variety shows.
And he loved comedy
1715
01:10:37,612 --> 01:10:39,614
and he sensed
that I could do it.
1716
01:10:39,614 --> 01:10:44,452
But to me, just going to the set
on days I wasn't working
1717
01:10:44,452 --> 01:10:46,830
and watching Marty,
it was a thrilling experience.
1718
01:10:46,830 --> 01:10:48,081
Why won't you talk to me?
1719
01:10:48,081 --> 01:10:49,332
- Come on.
- Why won't you talk to me?
1720
01:10:49,332 --> 01:10:51,001
Why don't you answer my calls
when I call you?
1721
01:10:51,001 --> 01:10:52,252
You think I don't know
you're here?
1722
01:10:52,252 --> 01:10:53,628
- Let's not have any trouble.
- You think I don't know?
1723
01:10:53,628 --> 01:10:55,171
- You think I don't know?
- TOM: Would you please leave?
1724
01:10:55,171 --> 01:10:56,381
- Get your hands off me.
- Okay. Then leave.
1725
01:10:56,381 --> 01:10:58,216
I just want you to know
that I know and I'm here.
1726
01:10:58,216 --> 01:10:59,551
TOM: Come on.
Let's not have any trouble.
1727
01:10:59,551 --> 01:11:01,219
Please. Just please.
This isn't the place to do this.
1728
01:11:01,219 --> 01:11:02,429
- TRAVIS BICKLE: Get your hands--
- TOM: Okay.
1729
01:11:02,429 --> 01:11:04,139
- Get your hands off!
- Okay. Then just leave!
1730
01:11:04,139 --> 01:11:05,557
- Take 'em off!
- All right. Just leave then.
1731
01:11:05,557 --> 01:11:06,850
ROB: What made you decide
1732
01:11:06,850 --> 01:11:09,352
that he was the guy you wanted
for Broadcast News?
1733
01:11:09,352 --> 01:11:11,271
Oh, not decision. Just--
1734
01:11:11,271 --> 01:11:13,064
We talked about it
through the writing.
1735
01:11:13,064 --> 01:11:15,025
I mean, there was nobody else.
1736
01:11:15,025 --> 01:11:17,235
You can't end up with Tom
1737
01:11:17,235 --> 01:11:19,362
because it totally goes
against everything
1738
01:11:19,362 --> 01:11:20,739
that you're about.
1739
01:11:23,450 --> 01:11:25,618
I know you care about him.
1740
01:11:26,578 --> 01:11:28,872
I've never seen you
like this with anybody.
1741
01:11:28,872 --> 01:11:33,084
So, don't get me wrong
when I tell you that Tom,
1742
01:11:33,084 --> 01:11:35,420
while being a very nice guy...
1743
01:11:36,921 --> 01:11:37,797
is the devil.
1744
01:11:37,797 --> 01:11:42,260
I wanna talk
about this very specific moment
1745
01:11:42,260 --> 01:11:44,429
in Broadcast News,
1746
01:11:44,429 --> 01:11:47,891
and it's famous because anybody
who gets nervous,
1747
01:11:47,891 --> 01:11:51,102
they say, "You're sweating
just like Albert Brooks."
1748
01:11:51,102 --> 01:11:53,605
Tell me how
that moment came to be.
1749
01:11:53,605 --> 01:11:59,611
In the original script,
Jim didn't have sweating.
1750
01:11:59,611 --> 01:12:04,199
It was Aaron
has a horrible failure.
1751
01:12:04,199 --> 01:12:05,450
ROB: Right. Yeah.
1752
01:12:05,450 --> 01:12:07,327
You're anchoring it,
taking William Hurt's place.
1753
01:12:07,327 --> 01:12:09,412
ALBERT: Right. And one night,
1754
01:12:09,412 --> 01:12:14,250
I saw at midnight,
a new guy on CNN.
1755
01:12:14,250 --> 01:12:16,628
Albert called me one day,
so excited,
1756
01:12:16,628 --> 01:12:19,589
and he said, "I just saw a guy
on CNN sweating bullets."
1757
01:12:19,589 --> 01:12:23,510
I woke Jim up.
"Jim! Jim! Turn on CNN!
1758
01:12:23,510 --> 01:12:26,096
I know what we-- This is it!"
And it worked.
1759
01:12:26,096 --> 01:12:27,514
- It worked.
- ROB: Wow, wow, wow.
1760
01:12:27,514 --> 01:12:31,851
The British foreign secretary
today, pounced on what he termed
1761
01:12:31,851 --> 01:12:35,814
"The nest of professional spies
and amateur traders
1762
01:12:35,814 --> 01:12:37,899
who are turning
NATO headquarters
1763
01:12:37,899 --> 01:12:39,317
into an instrument
1764
01:12:39,317 --> 01:12:41,528
whose only true function
is folly."
1765
01:12:41,528 --> 01:12:44,489
Just how noticeable
is this, huh?
1766
01:12:44,489 --> 01:12:46,116
BRIAN WILLIAMS:
Albert really trashed
1767
01:12:46,116 --> 01:12:48,576
the shirt and the jacket
that night.
1768
01:12:48,576 --> 01:12:50,954
But for years afterward,
1769
01:12:50,954 --> 01:12:55,333
and after anyone sees it now,
contemporaneously today...
1770
01:12:55,333 --> 01:12:56,459
DIRECTOR 1: Five seconds!
1771
01:12:56,459 --> 01:12:58,336
...people will find a way
to ask you,
1772
01:12:58,336 --> 01:13:00,714
"Were you more like
the William Hurt character
1773
01:13:00,714 --> 01:13:03,633
or were you
the sweaty intellectual?"
1774
01:13:03,633 --> 01:13:06,428
A hundred and twenty people
were reported injured.
1775
01:13:06,428 --> 01:13:08,680
At least 22 people dead.
1776
01:13:08,680 --> 01:13:11,766
- DIRECTOR 2: Commercial.
- I wish I were one of them.
1777
01:13:11,766 --> 01:13:14,352
I think that his performance
in Broadcast News
1778
01:13:14,352 --> 01:13:18,189
is just the North Star
for almost everything.
1779
01:13:18,189 --> 01:13:19,607
There's a lot of people
that feel like,
1780
01:13:19,607 --> 01:13:21,317
"I'm kind of a decent person,
1781
01:13:21,317 --> 01:13:24,195
and why do I always get
passed over?"
1782
01:13:24,195 --> 01:13:26,948
Wouldn't this be a great world
if insecurity and desperation
1783
01:13:26,948 --> 01:13:31,536
made us more attractive?
If needy were a turn-on?
1784
01:13:31,536 --> 01:13:34,622
- Call if you get weird.
- Mm.
1785
01:13:34,622 --> 01:13:36,666
We thought we were Albert Brooks
in that relationship.
1786
01:13:36,666 --> 01:13:39,044
No comedy people thought
they were William Hurt.
1787
01:13:39,044 --> 01:13:42,255
I thought Albert and Holly
sort of stole the show.
1788
01:13:42,255 --> 01:13:45,717
Hey, Aaron!
I think you're the devil!
1789
01:13:45,717 --> 01:13:48,345
- You know I'm not!
- How?
1790
01:13:48,345 --> 01:13:50,472
AARON ALTMAN: Because I think
we have the kind of friendship
1791
01:13:50,472 --> 01:13:51,598
where if I were the devil,
1792
01:13:51,598 --> 01:13:54,142
you'd be the only one
I would tell.
1793
01:13:54,142 --> 01:13:56,478
Well, you were awfully quick
to run after Tom's help
1794
01:13:56,478 --> 01:13:58,938
- when you wanted help!
- All right. Fine. Yes!
1795
01:14:00,357 --> 01:14:01,858
And if things had gone well
for me tonight,
1796
01:14:01,858 --> 01:14:03,735
then I probably
wouldn't be saying any of this.
1797
01:14:03,735 --> 01:14:08,990
I grant you everything...
but give me this.
1798
01:14:08,990 --> 01:14:13,161
He personifies everything that
you've been fighting against.
1799
01:14:14,788 --> 01:14:16,581
And I'm in love with you.
1800
01:14:20,085 --> 01:14:21,503
How do you like that?
1801
01:14:22,379 --> 01:14:24,923
I buried the lede.
1802
01:14:24,923 --> 01:14:28,927
I love seeing him play villains.
I've seen Drive a million times.
1803
01:14:28,927 --> 01:14:31,638
Kid, I want you to meet
Mr. Bernie Rose.
1804
01:14:32,514 --> 01:14:34,432
BERNIE ROSE: Nice to meet you.
1805
01:14:34,432 --> 01:14:36,601
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
1806
01:14:38,186 --> 01:14:39,854
My hands are a little dirty.
1807
01:14:41,106 --> 01:14:42,232
So are mine.
1808
01:14:43,525 --> 01:14:45,610
ALBERT: And Nicolas Refn said,
1809
01:14:45,610 --> 01:14:47,529
"Why would I believe
he was a bad guy?"
1810
01:14:47,529 --> 01:14:50,365
And I pinned them up
against the door.
1811
01:14:50,365 --> 01:14:52,033
- I mean, I really did.
- ROB: Yeah.
1812
01:14:52,033 --> 01:14:57,122
And I said quietly,
"There's no convincing Nicolas."
1813
01:14:57,122 --> 01:15:01,960
I said, "If I now took a gun,
and put it in your ear
1814
01:15:01,960 --> 01:15:04,504
and shot a bullet
through your brain
1815
01:15:04,504 --> 01:15:08,008
and smiled and left,
I'd be a bad guy."
1816
01:15:08,008 --> 01:15:10,969
I think we would have made
a go with this business.
1817
01:15:22,772 --> 01:15:25,150
- (GROANS)
- Don't worry. Don't worry.
1818
01:15:25,150 --> 01:15:27,694
That's it. It's done.
1819
01:15:27,694 --> 01:15:29,654
There's no pain.
It's over. It's over.
1820
01:15:29,654 --> 01:15:32,657
I mean, he's a beautiful actor.
1821
01:15:32,657 --> 01:15:34,534
His character parts
that he would do.
1822
01:15:34,534 --> 01:15:37,203
DR. CYRIL WECHT: The NFL owns
the day of the week.
1823
01:15:37,203 --> 01:15:41,458
The same day the church
used to own. Now, it's theirs.
1824
01:15:41,458 --> 01:15:42,792
RICHARD RIPLEY:
You're a bank robber.
1825
01:15:42,792 --> 01:15:45,545
It's not a very marketable skill.
1826
01:15:45,545 --> 01:15:47,547
We don't see a lot
of old bank robbers
1827
01:15:47,547 --> 01:15:50,800
walking around
with a pension plan, now do we?
1828
01:15:50,800 --> 01:15:52,177
I don't anticipate a problem.
1829
01:15:52,177 --> 01:15:55,347
God knows they've given money
to bigger crooks than us.
1830
01:15:55,347 --> 01:15:57,390
BOY: Daddy,
you never play with me.
1831
01:15:57,390 --> 01:16:00,518
I do, but right now,
look who I'm talking to!
1832
01:16:00,518 --> 01:16:02,687
- Hi.
- It's your brother!
1833
01:16:02,687 --> 01:16:03,563
Hi.
1834
01:16:03,563 --> 01:16:05,857
- Say--
- You don't look like my brother.
1835
01:16:05,857 --> 01:16:09,903
I told you, honey,
that's 'cause of the egg donor.
1836
01:16:09,903 --> 01:16:10,987
I am so excited.
1837
01:16:10,987 --> 01:16:14,074
I can't believe I'm in a car
with Albert Brooks,
1838
01:16:14,074 --> 01:16:16,076
Lucy Liu, and Jerry David.
1839
01:16:16,076 --> 01:16:17,577
I just can't believe
1840
01:16:17,577 --> 01:16:19,704
- we're all going--
- Oh, you're so funny. (LAUGHS)
1841
01:16:19,704 --> 01:16:21,706
I got my Jews confused
a little bit.
1842
01:16:21,706 --> 01:16:24,000
(LAUGHS)
"I got my Jews confused"?
1843
01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:25,960
- She's funny, Albert.
- She's funny.
1844
01:16:25,960 --> 01:16:26,878
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1845
01:16:26,878 --> 01:16:29,464
- Anti-Semitic, but funny.
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
1846
01:16:29,464 --> 01:16:31,508
He was actually a little nervous
the first day.
1847
01:16:31,508 --> 01:16:32,801
- ROB: He-- he was?
- Yeah.
1848
01:16:32,801 --> 01:16:33,885
- ROB: Why?
- I could tell.
1849
01:16:33,885 --> 01:16:35,553
I know when somebody
is nervous, yeah.
1850
01:16:35,553 --> 01:16:37,847
ROB: The premise, to me,
is terrific.
1851
01:16:37,847 --> 01:16:42,560
The idea of doing a eulogy
or doing a memorial service
1852
01:16:42,560 --> 01:16:45,105
for somebody before they die.
1853
01:16:45,105 --> 01:16:47,732
Welcome, everyone.
Thank you for coming.
1854
01:16:47,732 --> 01:16:51,528
Albert inspired me to become
a stand-up comedian.
1855
01:16:51,528 --> 01:16:53,071
And that more than anything,
1856
01:16:53,071 --> 01:16:55,323
makes me wish
he was really dead.
1857
01:16:55,323 --> 01:16:56,616
(GUESTS LAUGHING)
1858
01:16:56,616 --> 01:16:58,034
I hate him.
1859
01:16:58,034 --> 01:16:58,910
Thanks to Larry David,
1860
01:16:58,910 --> 01:17:00,662
we learned
he was a COVID hoarder.
1861
01:17:00,662 --> 01:17:03,498
- ♪ (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Oh, my God.
1862
01:17:03,498 --> 01:17:05,333
Albert Brooks
is a COVID hoarder.
1863
01:17:05,333 --> 01:17:07,627
- He's a fucking COVID hoarder.
- He's a COVID hoarder.
1864
01:17:07,627 --> 01:17:09,754
- Albert's a COVID hoarder.
- Are you kidding?
1865
01:17:09,754 --> 01:17:11,214
This is unacceptable.
1866
01:17:11,214 --> 01:17:12,340
What's going on here?
1867
01:17:12,340 --> 01:17:14,926
The fuck is wrong with you?
You're sitting over there
1868
01:17:14,926 --> 01:17:17,554
with a closet full
of fucking toilet paper?
1869
01:17:17,554 --> 01:17:21,099
I just moved in here.
This used to be a CVS.
1870
01:17:21,099 --> 01:17:25,186
- Shame on you, Albert Brooks.
- Come back! I've got flu shots!
1871
01:17:25,186 --> 01:17:28,690
You've done a lot of voices
for animated stuff.
1872
01:17:28,690 --> 01:17:31,568
I did a lot
of Simpsons characters.
1873
01:17:31,568 --> 01:17:33,153
Everybody on The Simpsons,
1874
01:17:33,153 --> 01:17:36,573
when Albert came in,
it was New Year's Eve for them.
1875
01:17:36,573 --> 01:17:37,824
Homer, on your way out,
1876
01:17:37,824 --> 01:17:40,076
if you wanna kill somebody,
it would help me a lot.
1877
01:17:40,326 --> 01:17:41,953
(LAUGHS)
1878
01:17:41,953 --> 01:17:45,123
The key to motivation is trust.
Let me show you what I mean.
1879
01:17:45,123 --> 01:17:46,833
I want you to close your eyes
and fall backwards
1880
01:17:46,833 --> 01:17:48,001
and I'll catch you.
1881
01:17:48,001 --> 01:17:49,627
That's gonna show you what trust
is all about.
1882
01:17:49,627 --> 01:17:51,212
- Ready?
- All right.
1883
01:17:51,212 --> 01:17:52,881
Three, two--
1884
01:17:52,881 --> 01:17:54,591
- (TELEPHONE RINGS)
- One second. Hello?
1885
01:17:54,591 --> 01:17:55,633
- (HOMER SCREAMS)
- Oh, my God.
1886
01:17:55,633 --> 01:17:56,676
A guy's on the floor.
1887
01:17:56,676 --> 01:17:58,636
You never saw
writers aggressively
1888
01:17:58,636 --> 01:18:00,889
not care about their script...
(LAUGHS)
1889
01:18:00,889 --> 01:18:03,641
...because of what Albert
would do when he came in.
1890
01:18:03,641 --> 01:18:06,102
- Meet me tomorrow for brunch.
- What's brunch?
1891
01:18:06,102 --> 01:18:07,812
You'd love it.
It's not quite breakfast,
1892
01:18:07,812 --> 01:18:09,314
it's not quite lunch.
1893
01:18:09,314 --> 01:18:11,983
But it comes with a slice
of cantaloupe at the end.
1894
01:18:11,983 --> 01:18:14,652
You don't get completely
what you would at breakfast
1895
01:18:14,652 --> 01:18:16,237
but you get a good meal.
1896
01:18:16,654 --> 01:18:18,656
- Nemo!
- Daddy!
1897
01:18:18,656 --> 01:18:21,117
Nemo! I'm coming, Nemo!
1898
01:18:21,117 --> 01:18:22,160
Dad!
1899
01:18:22,160 --> 01:18:23,161
- MARLIN: Nemo!
- Dad!
1900
01:18:23,161 --> 01:18:26,039
(SIGHS) Thank goodness.
It's all right, son.
1901
01:18:26,039 --> 01:18:28,041
How did you come
to Finding Nemo?
1902
01:18:28,041 --> 01:18:30,168
How would--
how did that come about?
1903
01:18:30,168 --> 01:18:33,672
They contacted me,
and to convince me,
1904
01:18:33,672 --> 01:18:36,007
they flew me up to Pixar.
1905
01:18:36,007 --> 01:18:39,344
And they did the cutest thing
I've ever seen.
1906
01:18:39,344 --> 01:18:41,721
They took a scene
from Defending Your Life
1907
01:18:41,721 --> 01:18:44,182
and put it in the fish's mouth.
1908
01:18:44,182 --> 01:18:47,352
Look, I'm guilty. I didn't make
enough money, okay?
1909
01:18:47,352 --> 01:18:49,938
Call me a hippie,
send me to hell. I give up.
1910
01:18:49,938 --> 01:18:51,690
I said, "All right. I'm in."
1911
01:18:51,690 --> 01:18:54,359
Hey, you're a clownfish.
You're funny, right?
1912
01:18:54,359 --> 01:18:55,652
Hey, tell us a joke.
1913
01:18:55,652 --> 01:18:57,028
FISH: Yeah, come on.
Give us a funny one.
1914
01:18:57,028 --> 01:18:58,822
Well, actually,
that's a common misconception.
1915
01:18:58,822 --> 01:19:01,032
Clownfish are no funnier
than any other fish.
1916
01:19:01,032 --> 01:19:02,992
There's a story I heard that, uh,
1917
01:19:02,992 --> 01:19:04,369
when you went
to the first preview--
1918
01:19:04,369 --> 01:19:08,707
It was the premier.
And I think Jake was maybe four.
1919
01:19:08,707 --> 01:19:11,084
- Right.
- And after that fish
1920
01:19:11,084 --> 01:19:16,715
killed everybody but my one son,
he ran out of the theater.
1921
01:19:16,715 --> 01:19:18,591
I was old enough
to kind of understand
1922
01:19:18,591 --> 01:19:20,385
that, like,
that was my dad's voice.
1923
01:19:20,385 --> 01:19:24,347
But I was young enough to--
to not understand what I was.
1924
01:19:24,347 --> 01:19:25,390
And my mom would say,
1925
01:19:25,390 --> 01:19:27,892
"That's you. That's Daddy.
That's you. That's you."
1926
01:19:27,892 --> 01:19:28,977
Then I go to the movie.
1927
01:19:28,977 --> 01:19:30,812
And in my mind,
I'm genuinely Nemo.
1928
01:19:30,812 --> 01:19:32,439
Like, I'm the fish.
There's no difference.
1929
01:19:32,439 --> 01:19:34,065
And then one scene in,
1930
01:19:34,065 --> 01:19:36,526
the mom gets, like,
murdered by this fish.
1931
01:19:36,526 --> 01:19:38,361
You know,
I'm processing the death.
1932
01:19:38,361 --> 01:19:40,155
And I'm crying,
and we had to leave.
1933
01:19:40,155 --> 01:19:42,073
Then my mom had to be like,
"No, no, no!
1934
01:19:42,073 --> 01:19:44,159
I'm here. I'm here.
It's not real."
1935
01:19:44,159 --> 01:19:47,746
Finding Nemo kind of took
the world by storm.
1936
01:19:47,746 --> 01:19:49,205
I remember I was, like, nine.
1937
01:19:49,205 --> 01:19:51,124
It was my first time
going to sleepaway camp
1938
01:19:51,124 --> 01:19:53,918
and I was so homesick
and nervous.
1939
01:19:53,918 --> 01:19:56,796
I would cry a lot.
And then all of a sudden,
1940
01:19:56,796 --> 01:19:59,215
Finding Nemo was playing
on the bus.
1941
01:19:59,215 --> 01:20:00,133
I didn't know anyone.
1942
01:20:00,133 --> 01:20:02,469
I was just sitting there,
watching my dad,
1943
01:20:02,469 --> 01:20:04,095
like, "It's gonna be okay."
1944
01:20:04,095 --> 01:20:08,141
There, there, there.
It's okay. Daddy's here.
1945
01:20:08,141 --> 01:20:09,809
♪ (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
1946
01:20:09,809 --> 01:20:11,936
MARLIN: Daddy's got you.
1947
01:20:11,936 --> 01:20:13,813
And then you also wrote a book?
1948
01:20:13,813 --> 01:20:15,690
I did. I was very proud
of that book,
1949
01:20:15,690 --> 01:20:17,233
called Twenty Thirty,
1950
01:20:17,233 --> 01:20:19,444
The Real Story
of What Happens to America.
1951
01:20:19,444 --> 01:20:23,073
And I wanted to do
a real near future story.
1952
01:20:23,073 --> 01:20:24,407
The main conflict of this
1953
01:20:24,407 --> 01:20:27,994
is the olds
versus the younger generations.
1954
01:20:27,994 --> 01:20:31,956
Yes. I feel and I can see it
in my own children
1955
01:20:31,956 --> 01:20:34,668
that in a number of years,
these younger people
1956
01:20:34,668 --> 01:20:35,919
are gonna try to kill us.
1957
01:20:35,919 --> 01:20:37,796
- (LAUGHS)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
1958
01:20:37,796 --> 01:20:39,089
You mind
if I would do something?
1959
01:20:39,089 --> 01:20:40,507
- No, please.
- 'Cause I know, in this--
1960
01:20:40,507 --> 01:20:44,969
in the mass world of media,
things don't get attention
1961
01:20:44,969 --> 01:20:46,513
- unless they go viral.
- Right. Right.
1962
01:20:46,513 --> 01:20:50,600
Would you mind if I hold this up
and kiss you on the lips?
1963
01:20:51,101 --> 01:20:51,976
Please?
1964
01:20:51,976 --> 01:20:56,147
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
1965
01:20:56,147 --> 01:20:57,691
The president, as you know,
1966
01:20:57,691 --> 01:21:00,318
has a pretty darn good
sense of humor.
1967
01:21:01,319 --> 01:21:03,738
And he felt that maybe
the only way
1968
01:21:03,738 --> 01:21:05,865
to really understand somebody
1969
01:21:05,865 --> 01:21:08,159
was to see
what makes them laugh.
1970
01:21:08,159 --> 01:21:10,495
ALBERT: Looking for Comedy
in the Muslim World
1971
01:21:10,495 --> 01:21:12,247
was an interesting experience.
1972
01:21:12,247 --> 01:21:15,166
FRED THOMPSON: We'd like for you
to head up a project.
1973
01:21:15,166 --> 01:21:18,086
Take a month,
go to India and Pakistan,
1974
01:21:18,086 --> 01:21:19,963
write a 500-page report,
1975
01:21:19,963 --> 01:21:22,507
and tell us what makes
the Muslims laugh.
1976
01:21:22,507 --> 01:21:24,968
You'd be doing a hell
of a service for your country.
1977
01:21:24,968 --> 01:21:28,013
Things were getting crazy
in our world.
1978
01:21:28,013 --> 01:21:32,976
- ROB: Right.
- And... I sort of wanted to show
1979
01:21:32,976 --> 01:21:36,354
that you could say the word
"Muslim" and not be killed.
1980
01:21:36,354 --> 01:21:41,693
Tonight's a very special night
because by what you laugh at,
1981
01:21:41,693 --> 01:21:44,946
you're gonna teach me
who you are.
1982
01:21:46,698 --> 01:21:49,951
Why is there no Halloween
in India?
1983
01:21:49,951 --> 01:21:52,454
'Cause they took away
the Gandhi.
1984
01:21:54,080 --> 01:21:56,041
All right. I've been, you know,
1985
01:21:56,041 --> 01:21:57,876
touring around
your lovely country.
1986
01:21:57,876 --> 01:22:00,712
I was in Kashmir last weekend.
1987
01:22:00,712 --> 01:22:03,131
Went to visit
one of my sweaters.
1988
01:22:05,425 --> 01:22:08,386
You know what I'm thinking here?
And possibly this is our fault
1989
01:22:08,386 --> 01:22:10,847
because we put a couple
of different languages
1990
01:22:10,847 --> 01:22:12,390
on the fliers.
1991
01:22:12,390 --> 01:22:14,559
How many understand me?
1992
01:22:14,559 --> 01:22:17,604
If you speak English,
would you raise your hand?
1993
01:22:17,604 --> 01:22:22,192
How many? All of you? Oh, God.
1994
01:22:22,192 --> 01:22:24,277
The picture was supposed
to come out in the fall.
1995
01:22:24,277 --> 01:22:27,906
They had made all the posters.
They had made everything.
1996
01:22:27,906 --> 01:22:29,908
Then the Danish cartoons happened.
1997
01:22:29,908 --> 01:22:33,536
- Oh, yes, yes.
- And Sony said,
1998
01:22:33,536 --> 01:22:37,165
"We can't release a movie
with the word 'Muslim' in it."
1999
01:22:37,165 --> 01:22:39,668
And they said,
"If you don't change it
2000
01:22:39,668 --> 01:22:43,171
to Looking for Comedy,
we're not gonna release it."
2001
01:22:43,171 --> 01:22:48,510
And I said, "I made the movie
for the title. It's the point."
2002
01:22:48,510 --> 01:22:53,348
So, after a big studio drops you
for a specific reason,
2003
01:22:53,348 --> 01:22:56,393
other studios start to go,
"Maybe they know something.
2004
01:22:56,393 --> 01:22:57,852
- Why do we wanna--"
- Yeah, yeah.
2005
01:22:57,852 --> 01:22:59,938
So, anyway,
they threw us to the curb
2006
01:22:59,938 --> 01:23:02,774
and we went
with Warner Independent.
2007
01:23:02,774 --> 01:23:04,693
- Right.
- I remember, we had a meeting.
2008
01:23:04,693 --> 01:23:05,944
You know, these meetings
2009
01:23:05,944 --> 01:23:08,446
where they give you
the advertising plan.
2010
01:23:08,446 --> 01:23:11,282
And I came in
and I was waiting for, you know,
2011
01:23:11,282 --> 01:23:13,201
what television stations, what--
2012
01:23:13,201 --> 01:23:15,787
And they were trying
to make it a good thing.
2013
01:23:15,787 --> 01:23:17,622
"We're not gonna go TV."
2014
01:23:17,622 --> 01:23:19,082
- (LAUGHS)
- ALBERT: "Really?"
2015
01:23:19,082 --> 01:23:21,459
"No, no. The world's changing.
2016
01:23:21,459 --> 01:23:24,796
We're gonna do something
much more interesting."
2017
01:23:24,796 --> 01:23:26,047
"What?"
2018
01:23:26,047 --> 01:23:29,384
"Well, we're gonna do
a little thing on Jdate."
2019
01:23:30,135 --> 01:23:33,847
"Oh, God!" And you leave saying,
2020
01:23:33,847 --> 01:23:36,808
"It's dead.
There's nothing I can do."
2021
01:23:36,808 --> 01:23:38,059
Wow. Wow.
2022
01:23:38,059 --> 01:23:39,894
Now, let me tell you
the funny thing.
2023
01:23:39,894 --> 01:23:41,479
You know where
the movie premiered?
2024
01:23:41,479 --> 01:23:43,773
- At the Dubai Film Festival.
- ROB: Wow.
2025
01:23:43,773 --> 01:23:47,444
They asked me to watch it
with the head, the sheikh.
2026
01:23:47,444 --> 01:23:48,445
Right.
2027
01:23:48,445 --> 01:23:50,905
So, I went up there
into this little balcony.
2028
01:23:50,905 --> 01:23:53,283
It's five of his friends
2029
01:23:53,283 --> 01:23:56,578
and five women sitting
in the other section.
2030
01:23:56,578 --> 01:23:59,164
And people were just
on the phone the whole time.
2031
01:23:59,164 --> 01:24:01,666
- Wow. Yeah, yeah.
- But I had a joke in that movie
2032
01:24:01,666 --> 01:24:04,336
that I was waiting to see
what they would do.
2033
01:24:04,336 --> 01:24:07,672
And that's when I was in India
interviewing assistants.
2034
01:24:07,672 --> 01:24:10,759
I interviewed one after another
after another.
2035
01:24:10,759 --> 01:24:12,886
And this one woman came
2036
01:24:12,886 --> 01:24:14,429
and I asked her
all these questions.
2037
01:24:14,429 --> 01:24:16,139
"Do you think you know--
Do you know the city?
2038
01:24:16,139 --> 01:24:17,390
Can you type?"
2039
01:24:17,390 --> 01:24:19,184
And then she said,
"I can do all of that.
2040
01:24:19,184 --> 01:24:20,643
I have a question for you."
2041
01:24:20,643 --> 01:24:22,228
You're not a Jew, are you?
2042
01:24:24,647 --> 01:24:29,319
Um... not... this minute.
2043
01:24:29,319 --> 01:24:32,238
I mean, sometimes I-- I am.
2044
01:24:32,238 --> 01:24:33,823
How much of the time?
2045
01:24:33,823 --> 01:24:35,617
Part-time.
2046
01:24:35,617 --> 01:24:40,163
And I was waiting for that,
sitting next to the sheikh.
2047
01:24:40,163 --> 01:24:41,956
You know,
and he got off his phone.
2048
01:24:41,956 --> 01:24:44,292
"You're not a Jew, are you?"
Off the phone.
2049
01:24:44,292 --> 01:24:47,587
Looked up at the screen.
"Not all the time."
2050
01:24:47,587 --> 01:24:49,047
- Big laugh.
- ROB: Wow.
2051
01:24:49,047 --> 01:24:50,799
- Big laugh from the women.
- ROB: Wow.
2052
01:24:50,799 --> 01:24:52,217
Back to the phones.
2053
01:24:53,134 --> 01:24:54,469
ROB: I mean,
I'm listening to all of this
2054
01:24:54,469 --> 01:24:57,472
and I'm getting a person
who's been defending his life.
2055
01:24:57,472 --> 01:24:59,015
You've been defending yourself
against--
2056
01:24:59,015 --> 01:25:01,351
- Every goddamn minute.
- ROB: Yeah. (LAUGHS)
2057
01:25:01,351 --> 01:25:03,561
- And it still doesn't stop.
- ROB: Yeah. Yeah.
2058
01:25:03,561 --> 01:25:06,481
It just enters another phase
of defending.
2059
01:25:06,481 --> 01:25:07,440
Yeah.
2060
01:25:07,440 --> 01:25:11,444
I had a very famous agent
and he said to me,
2061
01:25:11,444 --> 01:25:15,073
"I don't know why
you always take the hard road."
2062
01:25:15,073 --> 01:25:17,325
- ROB: Yeah, yeah.
- And my answer was,
2063
01:25:17,325 --> 01:25:20,286
"You think I see two roads...
2064
01:25:21,204 --> 01:25:22,706
- and I don't."
- ROB: Wow.
2065
01:25:22,706 --> 01:25:26,626
"If there was an easy road,
I'd have a house there."
2066
01:25:26,626 --> 01:25:28,545
I said,
"What do you think, I get up,
2067
01:25:28,545 --> 01:25:31,548
I can't wait
for the goddamn trouble
2068
01:25:31,548 --> 01:25:32,924
I'm gonna get into?"
2069
01:25:32,924 --> 01:25:36,386
I said,
"I don't see-- I see one road!"
2070
01:25:36,386 --> 01:25:42,726
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- This... is the real me.
2071
01:25:43,226 --> 01:25:44,811
Thank you very much.
2072
01:25:44,811 --> 01:25:47,272
I hope to see you again
some time.
2073
01:25:47,272 --> 01:25:50,108
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)
2074
01:25:50,108 --> 01:25:52,277
♪ (BRIGHT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
2075
01:26:10,337 --> 01:26:11,671
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
2076
01:26:11,671 --> 01:26:13,340
- ♪ (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- I remember,
2077
01:26:13,340 --> 01:26:15,383
the first time
I met him was here.
2078
01:26:15,383 --> 01:26:17,469
- ROB: At-- at our house?
- Yeah.
2079
01:26:17,469 --> 01:26:21,473
And he came up, and he said some
nice complimentary things to me.
2080
01:26:21,473 --> 01:26:24,893
And I thought,
"Oh, well--" I mean, that was--
2081
01:26:24,893 --> 01:26:27,395
- that was a big night for me...
- ROB: Yeah. Yeah.
2082
01:26:27,395 --> 01:26:31,274
...that I had
Albert Brooks's approval.
2083
01:26:31,274 --> 01:26:33,318
- ROB: Wow.
- That really meant a lot to me.
2084
01:26:33,318 --> 01:26:35,904
I-- I met Albert
with Garry Shandling.
2085
01:26:35,904 --> 01:26:37,697
And we went out
to dinner with him.
2086
01:26:37,697 --> 01:26:38,656
I remember I went home
2087
01:26:38,656 --> 01:26:40,867
and wrote down
everything Albert said.
2088
01:26:40,867 --> 01:26:42,660
- (ROB LAUGHING)
- (LAUGHS)
2089
01:26:42,660 --> 01:26:45,372
I think my main memory of him
is, like, him in the house
2090
01:26:45,372 --> 01:26:48,500
in a bathrobe, like,
kind of just moseying around,
2091
01:26:48,500 --> 01:26:51,002
but he had this, like,
lion brain where he would just,
2092
01:26:51,002 --> 01:26:53,338
like, you know,
he's so freaking smart.
2093
01:26:53,338 --> 01:26:57,258
I am, like, the hardest
to get a laugh out of,
2094
01:26:57,258 --> 01:27:01,554
so he always likes to imitate me
when he tells jokes
2095
01:27:01,554 --> 01:27:03,932
and it's like--
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) You know?
2096
01:27:03,932 --> 01:27:05,100
(CHUCKLES) That's it.
2097
01:27:05,100 --> 01:27:08,353
He's such a mensch, you know?
Such a mensch.
2098
01:27:08,353 --> 01:27:11,773
When I was, like, invited
to go on a walk with him,
2099
01:27:11,773 --> 01:27:16,194
it was like-- I felt like
I had done something right
2100
01:27:16,194 --> 01:27:17,862
in my comedic career.
2101
01:27:17,862 --> 01:27:20,031
He suggested,
"Well, we could get together."
2102
01:27:20,031 --> 01:27:21,366
And he said, "You know,
2103
01:27:21,366 --> 01:27:25,245
if that's not a good time
for you, you can say 'No.'"
2104
01:27:25,245 --> 01:27:27,455
He said, "You won't be hurting
my feelings."
2105
01:27:27,455 --> 01:27:29,374
He said, "I left my feelings
2106
01:27:29,374 --> 01:27:32,168
on the Warner Brothers lot
in 1978."
2107
01:27:32,168 --> 01:27:34,421
- (LAUGHS)
- (ROB LAUGHING)
2108
01:27:34,421 --> 01:27:37,048
I think he unapologetically
played to the band,
2109
01:27:37,048 --> 01:27:38,258
you know, which was cool.
2110
01:27:38,258 --> 01:27:39,884
If you're watching it,
you enjoyed it.
2111
01:27:39,884 --> 01:27:42,429
Because if you got it,
you really felt special.
2112
01:27:42,429 --> 01:27:45,557
Just fearless, funny.
2113
01:27:45,557 --> 01:27:48,393
- He's so fucking hot.
- (ROB LAUGHING)
2114
01:27:48,393 --> 01:27:50,020
- He got a wife?
- ROB: Yes.
2115
01:27:50,020 --> 01:27:51,354
Yeah. Okay.
2116
01:27:51,354 --> 01:27:53,982
Well, you know, I was gonna
offer up my uterus but...
2117
01:27:53,982 --> 01:27:55,358
- ROB: I see.
- ...I'm cool.
2118
01:27:55,358 --> 01:27:56,735
If I could get one tattoo,
2119
01:27:56,735 --> 01:27:59,612
maybe I'd get the nest egg
tattooed somewhere on my body.
2120
01:27:59,612 --> 01:28:03,867
He will always be
a filmmaker's filmmaker.
2121
01:28:03,867 --> 01:28:07,203
You had to put him with Woody
and Chaplin and those people
2122
01:28:07,203 --> 01:28:09,289
who controlled all parts
of their film,
2123
01:28:09,289 --> 01:28:11,082
who made it
an extension of themselves.
2124
01:28:11,082 --> 01:28:12,876
And what you didn't want
to happen
2125
01:28:12,876 --> 01:28:14,544
watching an Albert Brooks movie,
2126
01:28:14,544 --> 01:28:16,129
you'd never wanted the scenes
2127
01:28:16,129 --> 01:28:17,547
- to ever end.
- ROB: Wow.
2128
01:28:17,547 --> 01:28:19,507
It's just a body
of work over time
2129
01:28:19,507 --> 01:28:24,262
that is so singular,
and impressive, and hilarious,
2130
01:28:24,262 --> 01:28:26,306
and heartbreaking.
2131
01:28:26,306 --> 01:28:29,267
I would rather have
Albert's career than my career.
2132
01:28:29,267 --> 01:28:30,518
ROB: Wow.
2133
01:28:32,937 --> 01:28:35,440
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪