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Yeah, I know.
You want some raï.
That long-haired guy thinks he's got swag.
He looks like shit, bro!
-What are you doing? -She's been checking me out.
-Don't go there. -I'll act tough. She'll love it.
Yo, Adèle Extrapopulous!
The ancient Greek beauty!
So nice to see you, sister!
How is it you look even better in person!
No way, Ciryl Gane! Cycy!
The French Rocky Balboa.
With those big chesticles.
Listen, I went all-in on you. You made me lose my shirt, bastard.
-Hi. -Forget it.
Adèle, listen. I have this thing coming up. You're gonna thank me.
Talk to me from a normal distance.
My bad. I'm a bit…
He's right up here.
My sister, listen up. I have this hustle with Hermès.
-Right. -You must know, the luxury brand.
I'm trying to get bags only big celebs get.
That's why you interest me.
I heard that right now you're struggling a bit
with your little indie films.
It must've been tough lately.
But you could make some major cash though, 7-8K easy money.
It depends what model you get.
A Himalayan Crocodile Birkin would be so lit.
-I get it. -I'll blow your mind.
You're giving me a headache. Stop.
-You're giving me a headache. -My sister, it's just a matter of…
"My sister"? Have we met?
-You don't remember? Cannes 2017. -No.
I was with Heuss.
We were mad plastered.
I asked if you could get us in.
You said yeah, but you were busy. Don't remember?
So this isn't the first time you've busted my balls?
Hey, I give up with her. She's got game.
I really like you. What are you having?
-This round's on me. My treat. -Forget it.
Bro, bring us some painkillers. You gave us all headaches.
The strong kind, okay? What the fuck? How old are you, man?
What's this washed-up YouTuber saying?
We're not at a comedy club. Tell your jokes elsewhere.
Bro, we've been nice with you despite your weak-ass jokes.
Please get lost. You're bothering us. Respectfully.
Cocksucker…
Me? I'm a cocksucker?
Yes, dude. Man, show some dignity.
This is embarrassing. Enough.
Wait. Because speaking of dignity, bro, hold on a sec.
I just got… Oh yeah, a little message from Jon Jones. It's the GOAT!
Does that humiliation ring a bell? He sends his regards.
#getRekt. #YouLookLikeADumbass.
Bro, stop!
Stay out of it, Hakim.
-You wanna die? -I'm warning you!
It's all right. I'll do it. I'll take the job.
For like 5K, fine.
You could pull it off. Just dress nicely. You are a real bro.
I was joking about YouTube. I subscribed.
And you're great in that Doctor movie too. You stole the show.
What's he doing?
Yo, bro!
-Why's he dressed like a loser? -All good?
-No, it's no good, Hakim! -Why? What's wrong?
I told you to dress well.
I'm well-dressed. Vintage AC Milan. Clarence Seedorf, bro.
Hey, whatever. Come on. Take my jacket.
I'm actually cold. Thanks, bro. You're a good guy.
-Can I keep it? -We'll see.
-Hakim, listen up. -Yeah.
-It's simple, bro. -I'm ready.
-It's your five-year wedding anniversary. -No, it's six.
-You decided-- -It'll be seven soon.
-Fine. You decided to up your game. -Okay.
You wanna get her a "Himalayan Crocodile Birkin."
No, I got her a spa reservation.
Three stars, all her friends. Hammam, skin--
Stop. Keep the jokes for the stage. Not at my work, please.
-Okay, I'm kidding. Go on. -Himalayan Crocodile Birkin.
-I'm not a fool. -It's the most expensive one.
I got it. I'm not a moron. Can we go?
I made a credit card in your name.
Nice!
Of course. It's a real job, bro.
-Okay. -Here, "Hakim Jemily."
You used a "y," son of a bitch.
-They won't check, it's fine. -They'll notice, bro!
-They're not dumb. They do this every day. -They won't notice. The code is easy.
-Look at me. -Yes.
1-2-3-4.
-Twelve-hundred thirty-four, got it. -Stop, Hakim!
-Why are you yelling? Am I your kid? -1-2-3-4. Why make it complicated?
I'm here. I came!
-This is important for me. -Don't worry. Let's go.
It's twelve-hundred thirty-four.
-I swear, I'll walk away! -Enough, I'm sorry. My bad.
-I'll do it! -It's okay
You're Hakim Jemili, you're a fucking star--
Hakim has a five-a-side game in 20 minutes.
-If I'm late, they'll kill me. -Go on, bro.
Your haircut is gross. Keep the scooter.
-Hakim. -What?
-Lose the glasses. -I won't see the bag.
Okay. The cap at least.
Bro, I'm balding. It fucking sucks.
You're bald? Keep it.
Stand up straight! There you go.
Think about Seedorf!
Hi, I'm Hakim Jemili, do you recognize me?
There you go! Someone's getting his commission!
Bro, hurry up. I'm late. Give me the 5K and we're done.
-What is this? -A Picotin.
Did I ask you to get a Picotin or a Birkin?
It's the most expensive one in the shop.
There's no way it's the most expensive.
Don't you see they played you?
How much did you pay?
9,000 euros.
-How much? -9,000.
I asked for your Burkini. They didn't have it.
-What did you ask for? -Burkini.
A Burkini? You asshole!
-Take off my jacket. -What are you doing?
Hey, 4,000 and we're good.
Fuck off! You just lost me 9,000 euros.
-Hakim, I will punch you in the face. -Is that how it is?
-What are you gonna do? -You're not paying me?
-Let go, bastard. -Security!
-Let go of it. -Help!
-You bastard.
-Son of a bitch. -Get lost!
-Go! -Hakim!
Hakim, you're dead!
Fuck! Screwed over by some old four-eyes in shorts.
Hakim Jemili, you'll see what I do next time, bastard!
Knock it off, damn it!
Your hustle with Hermès is dead. Over. Done. Forget it.
With your girl, maybe it's for the best.
How is it for the best?
I told you not to lie to her.
Now trust me.
Go see her, tell her the whole truth.
Then you can have a fresh start.
You're the best.
-Well… -You only wear phony clothes.
You have a Pafake Philippe, you drive clients in fake Ferraris…
Keep it down.
And you're telling me not to lie to people? Are you serious?
Look at what you've done for her. How much did this bag cost?
What do you mean, "how much did it cost"? I'm screwed! I'm broke!
If she heard this, she'd be touched! At least she'd see you love her.
She'd see I'm a fucking fraud!
But you are a fucking fraud!
That's what I like about you. That's what makes you funny.
Why would she feel any different?
Jordan, you handle this. I'm out. See you tomorrow.
-Whatever. As usual. -Where are you going?
I'm off to burn some cash. It's been a while.
There's a club in Belleville.
Will they let you in if you're banned from gambling?
Is that lit or what?
That sounds amazing.
-Let's go. -That's my solution.
-You bastard. -See you, Jordan!
I'll park the cars and join you.
Stay here with your pedophile glasses. You're gonna jinx us.
I'm going to fleece everyone. I need that money.
I forgot how busted your Ferrari was.
-Your turn, sir. -Yeah.
Check.
Same.
I fold.
I raise 4,000.
All right, I call.
I fold.
You keep giving me garbage hands.
Deal me good cards. What are you doing?
-It's just luck, sir. -"It's just luck, sir."
Just play, guys.
Your turn, sir.
All in, let's go.
-I fold. -Fold.
Guys, this table is limp.
-I'll call his stack. -Called.
Let's see what you got, Diam's.
Well, I have Diam-onds.
Come on, bro.
No way…
You're screwed.
You can't be serious?
Guys, you gotta play better than him. Or I'll fleece you one by one.
You're funny, aren't you?
-Coming back? -Don't talk, buck teeth.
Come back, promise?
I said, shut up!
Your buddy is mad now.
-Excuse me. What is your name? -Zuleikha.
You're Italian.
So tell me, Zuleikha, how can one get a loan around here?
We don't do loans, pretty boy.
Oh no, you don't get it.
I'll clean house. Give me one hour.
-And tonight, I'll take you for dinner. -Oh yeah? Where?
I imagine you like burrata.
-You seem confused. -I'm talking. Give me a sec.
He wants a loan.
You're the boss?
I wanted to know if you could lend me a little dough?
-I just lost everything. -Nice watch.
No joke it is. It's a Rolex Daytona.
Let me try it.
-It's 30 grand. Give me 20K as collateral. -I'll try it.
Anyway, I'll get it back in one hour. If you want to try it…
-It's made of… -Come on, hands off.
-That's calfskin. -Hands off.
No, I'm just saying.
-Pierce Brosnan wore it in Fist of Fury. -I don't care.
Pardon?
Didn't you box in Brussels back in the day?
I sure did. Good call, fam.
-Yeah, I thought so. -But that's ancient history.
I remember, he showed up and got demolished.
Good thing you quit, buddy.
Or you'd be walking like a Tetris block by now.
-Good one. -Give him 10,000.
Not 10,000. Are you crazy? It's a vintage Daytona.
-Hold on, bro. -Hands off.
There's only 30 of them. Seriously. 15K, at least.
-Hands off. -Excuse me. What's his name?
Butterfly.
-Butterfly! -Hey.
Take it or leave it, dirtbag boxer.
But bro, it's…
There's no "bro"!
10,000 is enough for me to win back my money…
-Deal? -Yeah.
Go on, get lost.
Nice hair transplants.
But that's shitty work, bro.
-They're hair implants? -Yeah.
I gotta get the back done again. They only did one side.
-I swear you are so ugly. -You for real?
I swear. So ugly.
-Hey, thanks. -Good job, bro.
My luck is turning.
Hey, The Revenant!
Highlander.
Gotta cut his head off.
Fold.
Nice, a flush draw. Let's go, that's good. I'll win one.
-I fold. -Hey, you never call, do you?
-I got nothing. -I raise 4,000.
Raise, 4,000.
-I call. -Called.
-I'm out. -Folded over here.
We meet again.
Come on, a little diamond for the flush.
And…
fucking club.
Check.
-Check. -Check.
Fuck.
Yo, what's her deal?
She's got nothing, that wretch. Okay, you wanna play?
-All-in. -5,200 and all-in.
That's right. "5,200 and all-in."
Are you trying to steal the pot with your failed flush?
Okay, I'll call. Just to see. Show me your cards.
There. What do I have?
-I have nothing. -Told you. Failed flush.
The pair of threes wins.
Hold on. A pair of threes? You call the flop with a pair of threes?
I bet 5,000, and you follow up? Are you serious?
Why so salty? You lost, bro.
Guys, you don't find that odd?
You keep screwing yourself over.
Shut up. Don't talk to me.
Can't you see she doesn't know how to play?
What's this newbie club? I play in Las Vegas.
-Sure. -I play in Las Vegas, guys.
-Not this table with… -It shows.
-Why the stutter, bro? What's the matter? -Calm down.
You dumbass!
These cameras are dope. Spot on, guys.
-Here, grab this one, bro. -Which one? The white one?
Yeah, the white one.
-Why are you laughing? -You moron.
You're the moron.
Hey, don't touch that stuff, buddy. I swear. You'll instantly regret it.
Don't worry, homie. I have a special thing with snakes.
I'm telling you, you won't live long. Stay away from that.
-What is it? -Pretty boy from earlier wants a top-up.
-He lost everything already? -Yeah. Do I tell him to fuck off?
Are you crazy? He's going full tilt. Give him a top-up.
Don't you want us to make money?
Fucking hobo. We'll talk later.
Later. I'm working now.
I don't give a fuck.
Son of a bitch!
Stop laughing, bro.
What's going on?
Let me have a look.
Hey, come on.
What a dummy! I told you not to play with the snake.
-Why, is this snake dangerous? -You bet it is.
Chill, it shouldn't have any venom.
I swear it stings, bro.
Three players.
Come on, fuck off. These shit hands, no way.
-1,500. -Opening bet, 1,500.
Your turn.
You know what, anyway… I'm fucked. Might as well…
3,000.
Raised, 3,000.
All right, so… All-in then.
Call! I call. I call, no problem.
-Okay. Show me your garbage hand. -Garbage?
You want to see my garbage hand? AK-47!
Right? What do you have? Can I see your cards?
Eat shit! Eight, six.
No surprise, you alcoholic.
River, please.
Yes! So, who is the wretch now?
What did I tell you? Fuck…
Stop. Don't touch the chips, please.
Gutshot straight.
"Gutshot straight."
-What do you mean? -Didn't you see the card?
Poor guy doesn't know how to play.
Back to the counter. We'll save your seat.
Hey, that's enough.
What's your deal?
I mean, come on. Be respectful.
You play tight all night and wanna tell me what to do? Relax, Hatik.
My chips, please.
Shut the fuck up.
Show some respect! Who do you think you are?
Get outta here. You suck at poker.
I'm gonna fucking… Hey, you're fucking lucky you're a woman.
Or what?
Or what? Or…
-Hey, security! -Go on. Stay out of this.
-Hey, guard! -Or I'd smack your big ass forehead!
-Do it. You don't have the balls? -I don't hit women.
Motherfucker!
I lost four rebuys. What do you want?
-Stay out of this. -You listen to me.
Zak! We're outta here!
-Who are you? You think this your mom's? -Shut up!
Get over here!
Call Butterfly!
Cameo! Call Butterfly!
Hurry!
Butterfly!
-You have no respect! -What's the matter?
-It's a fucking shitshow! -Shut up. Get the gun!
That son of a bitch is tough.
Calm down.
Stay back. I said, don't come any closer!
Listen, give me my watch back.
Give it to me and I'm outta here.
This piece of junk?
I'll give it back to you. Relax, loser.
Trying to steal my watch, fucking bastard?
-I didn't do anything! -You're not leaving!
-I'm all right. -Stay down.
Faster, Zak.
Go get the ride. Start the Ferrari!
You want some too? Come here.
-Stop! They're just customers! -I just wanna wash my thongs.
Youss, hurry! What are you doing?
-Get in! -Drive!
Mickael, wake up.
Mickael, get up. We're already super late.
-Huh? -Micka!
What happened to you?
What's wrong?
What's this?
Yesterday, I saw a girl being attacked in the street. You know me.
I tried to be a hero.
I had it coming.
-Where's the bag? I can't find it. -Did you check under the bed?
I don't see it. Where is it?
Actually, I don't have it.
But I promise 2,000%, I'll have it by next week.
-I can't believe it. You got nothing? -Yeah, that's what I just said.
-But what am I going to tell my mother? -What?
I knew I couldn't count on you!
Of course. I'm so dumb. It's always the same story with you!
That's enough now, stop it! You're giving me a headache.
-I just woke up! -Are you seriously getting angry?
Do you think I wanna be humiliated?
Is it my fault the shop changed their policy?
It's because of the fuckers who traffic handbags!
You don't know my stepbrother. He's going to give me shit again.
No, my love. Don't worry. He won't dare in front of me.
With his saxophone face.
So, you'll have it by next week for sure?
Yes, for sure.
You make me feel like I'm a compulsive liar. Stop.
And there's something I don't think you get.
I'm getting it shipped from LA.
It was meant for the Kardashians.
It's so crazy. I don't even know how I got my hands on it.
-Is that true? -Stop asking if it's true.
Stop it.
But you're right. Let's stop by Hermès. I'll get you a common handbag.
A shitty one, but better than showing up empty-handed.
-Trust me. -It's okay.
-Stop your nonsense. -We'll wait for the Kardashian bag.
-We'll wait a whole week? -It's fine. I said no.
-You don't want the crappy one? -No!
Okay, my love.
You call the shots. Give me a kiss.
-Shalom, shalom! -Yaeli!
There they are.
-Can I take these? -The flowers are for her.
-You don't understand. -What is he wearing?
They're for Sharon.
They're for Sharon. Let go.
Sorry, the flowers were for you, Sharon.
-Hi, Eric? How are you? -Hello, darling.
-You are beautiful. -Thanks.
As always, impeccable.
Thanks, Mickael.
Eric, the dapper young man.
I already washed my hands.
Well, if they're already clean, then…
Ulysse. What's up, playboy?
You're a king. I'm telling you.
Sorry we're late. We had a leak at home. It was a shitshow.
Sure, yeah. Does that explain the black eye?
No, actually, that's…
Actually, no. Guess what? He saved a girl.
Oh I see. Damn it.
No need to mention it. But thanks.
Sit down, Batman. The only thing we saved is our appetite.
-Let's start. -Yes, sir.
She was eight years old.
-Nice Patek. -Yeah. It's a cool concept.
You always know the time, so you're never late for lunch.
The trash talk is real.
Is this radish?
Not great.
Pan-seared sea bass with saffron sauce,
and green-anise-infused cloud of crispy vegetables.
-Enjoy your meal. -Thank you.
Let me finish. I love the sauce.
No, you're upsetting me.
You believe the media, but crypto is the future.
You can invest in gold, real estate, anything, but crypto is just hot air.
It is. It's hot air. Look, it's crashing already…
It's because it's crashing that we should invest. I'm telling you.
Remember my friend with the thick mustache?
-He has four times your capital in crypto. -You want your Urus?
-Yes. -Then stop with your crypto.
Stop it, both of you.
All you talk about is money.
-Who is Mickael going to think we are? -Well, Jews.
You know…
He's always joking around. It's hilarious.
I mean, to be fair, it's true…
We love money. At least, I love money.
You know you're drinking the finger bowl?
I know, yeah. Actually, it's an ancient Moroccan tradition.
Sephardic.
In the Atlantic mountains. Near Meknes.
She's even supposed to dip her fingers. We'll do it later.
Happy birthday, Sharon.
L’Chaim.
No.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
What's wrong, my daughter?
Mom… Mom, I'm really sorry.
Mickael and I, we thought of an amazing gift.
-Yeah, it's true. - Right?
But there have been issues with fraud at his work.
So, we'll only get it next week.
-I'm so sorry. We tried everything… -Don't cry.
-No. -Yaeli…
Don't cry like that.
Yael!
It's a Sephardic tradition from the Atlantic Mountains
to show up empty-handed for your mother's birthday.
No, not at all. That's not a tradition. In fact…
Sharon, here's the truth, I'll explain.
-It's simple. -The accent is back.
There's a shortage of crocodile leather at headquarters.
With all those new ecological norms, Greta Thunberg caused a shitstorm.
And the crocodiles from the Everglades, they're a bit…
We get it, that's enough.
-No, let me finish. -No, enough.
-We are tired of your stereotypes. -What?
I said, we get it.
I'm not going to let you make a mess of my wife's birthday. Okay?
It's true, Eric, I'm sorry. I went a bit hard on the accent.
You think it's funny? Get the hell out of my house.
Patrick Abitbol…
-Eric, calm down. -No, I won't calm down!
Yeah, calm down.
I didn't take over the modeling clay industry
to be humiliated by some prick.
-Come, Micka, we're leaving. -Wait, it's fine…
We haven't even had any cake.
It looks delicious. Are the golden leaves edible?
-I'd like to taste-- -You want to taste?
-You're gonna taste it… -Honey, stop!
-You've lost your mind. -No!
Twelve years of aikido. May as well use it.
Stand up, Batman.
-I said, stand up. -Eric.
-Stand up! -Watch out!
-You slapped me. -Get up.
-Stop moving around! -Micka!
Not the hair!
Call the doctor. That asshole broke my coccyx.
From here, it looks more like colic. Ulysse, lunch this week?
No! We're not having lunch. You broke my dad's ass.
Eric, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
I know a good osteopath in the 16th. Dr. Bensoussan.
Get lost, you fuck!
Yael, how many times?
You think I'm a compulsive liar? It's a Sephardic tradition.
-I couldn't invent such a thing! -Stop.
You know what? Let's call my grandmother. She'll explain.
There's poor reception there, but let's try.
-What's her number? -Micka!
I love you, you're handsome and funny. But last chance.
Be honest once and for all and we move on,
or keep lying, and this ends here!
Yael, when you say you love me, you mean it for real?
So I understand!
You're pushing me to tell the truth for a fresh start.
-Is that it? -Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing.
Okay, all right.
-Okay? -Okay. I'll tell you the truth.
Remember I told you about the guys who traffic Hermès handbags?
Those fuckers?
Yeah.
Those fuckers… That's me.
-I've been living off that for four years. -In addition to your salary at Hermès?
No.
You didn't get it, babe. I don't work at Hermès.
I go find VIPs, I get them to acquire the bags,
and then I sell them four times the price to suckers.
That's my real job.
You've been lying to me from the start.
No, not at all. I mean, yeah, a bit…
Come on, Yael, now it's your turn to be honest.
If I had told you straight away, would you have let me come in?
Hey, I'm talking to you. Tell me the truth.
-Yes. -No. You're lying too. There's no way!
Stop, damn it. You gotta understand something.
Since we got together, I've been working my ass off to live up to you. Okay?
Your stepbrother is 20, and he wears a watch worth 30K!
Who put me on this track?
Who said, "You gotta score. You're bumming everyone out"?
Not me!
So, when you came to see me, looking all cute, and you asked me
to get your rich mom a Crocodile Birkin,
when she could've gotten your stepdad to buy it…
He wants to fuck you, by the way.
You're disgusting!
No, I love your mom, I didn't mean that, baby.
So, what did I do last night? I went and gambled it all on poker.
There was this fucking pro with a huge forehead. Can you believe it?
-I don't believe anything! -It's true!
I swear, her forehead was huge! I lost the watch because of her.
-Boris doesn't have it? -No, he doesn't! Of course not!
I tried everything to get it back. I fought the entire casino.
That's why I came back all battered. There, that's it.
You didn't actually save a girl?
No, that was bullshit too.
I'm such a fucking moron!
Of course not, baby. Don't say that. You went to fashion school.
Is that it, do I know everything?
The rent here was never 16,000 euros.
You're the only one paying.
How much is it exactly?
It's 6,000, but who cares, baby? Yael, please understand this.
We're not from the same world, all right?
I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth.
My spoon had tetanus.
As a child, I didn't snack on cookies.
I ate leaves from the trees on a tiny piece of toast like this…
Am I still supposed to laugh at your shitty jokes?
Sorry, you're not, sweetie. I shouldn't have.
-Are you done or is there more? -I'll stop, sorry.
That's probably enough for today, no?
If you want one last chance, tell me everything now, Mickael.
My name isn't Mickael. Stop with that name.
-What's that? -My real name is Youssef Bouahzizi.
-Bouahzi-what? -Zizi.
Zizi, damn it.
Wait, you're… You're not… You're a…
What… An Arab?
Is that what you're saying? I'm an Arab? Are you a racist?
-Is that why? -No.
You're racist? I'm talking to you!
You didn't tell me. I didn't know.
Sorry, baby. Sorry, my love. It's nothing.
I don't want to make you cry. Sorry, but you scared me.
I couldn't deal with you being racist.
I'm sorry, sweetie. Sit down here.
One last thing. These aren't my real eyes. They're lenses.
I'd take them out, but I forgot my eye rinse.
Fuck, that feels good.
I feel so light.
Zak was right with his advice. I should've listened to that bastard.
You know what we're gonna do now?
We'll have a fresh start.
Let's take the yacht.
Then we'll get wild as fuck. Okay?
We'll have kids. We'll call them Nathanael, Muhammad, you choose.
I don't care anymore.
-Give me a kiss. -Don't touch me, you monster.
What do you mean? What's the matter?
I did what you asked. I told you the truth!
Baby, ten minutes ago, you said you loved me…
What about the fresh start?
Baby, hey!
Yael, wait. What's going on? Is it because I'm bald?
Baby, listen to me, my love. It's hereditary.
-Even my mom was bald. -Let me go, or I'll call the police!
Don't call the police. I have a record. For fuck's sake, Yael!
I tried implants, but they didn't work!
I traveled to Turkey 14 times! Fuck, come on!
What have you done, you asshole?
I want hair.
I'm screwed. Without my wig, I look like Bouteflika, I swear.
Look, Zak. Check the girls.
-That's your type, right? -The thick ones.
Yeah, you like the chubby girls. That's your jam.
Hell yeah. Because it's easy.
You can tell they have low standards. I like that. What's up?
-What do you want? -A shot.
-Tequila. -Okay.
There's someone there. Look.
You good?
-You good? -Yeah.
-You fuck up my life then ask if I'm good? -It's just a few drinks.
I don't care about the drinks.
I'm talking about the poker.
Bro, you wanted to play, and you lost.
My little golden goose.
Get up, I like this song.
Come on, let me go! What are you gonna do?
-You think you're alone here? -What are you gonna do?
Grab your jacket.
-I'm staying here. I'm fine. -Move your ass.
You're not getting out of fucking me.
Come on.
Come on, stupid charger.
Fuck, your body is amazing.
That ass is meh though.
Those abs. Flex them, I'll take a photo…
-Put your phone away. -It's for my close friends.
Your friends aren't mine. Okay?
Fine.
You were funnier yesterday.
I was slightly more drunk too. Maybe that's why.
Fuck, what's your name again?
My name is… My name is Thiago.
No way, your name is Thiago?
Yeah, so what?
You don't look Portuguese, bro.
'Cause I'm not Portuguese. I'm Brazilian.
Brazilian is more believable.
And you? Do you remember my name?
No.
-You're not going to ask? -Sure, what's your name?
Stéphanie.
A real princess name. With a little fart to top it off, it's…
I'll cook you some breakfast. Do you prefer salty or sweet in the morning?
No thanks. I'm waiting for my phone to charge and I'll call a cab.
-Leaving already? -I have to be at work in an hour.
By the way, what do you do?
Come on, what's with all the questions?
I bring a guy home, I fuck him all night, I just wanna know who he is.
So you fucked me?
I bet you're an underwear model.
Stop talking crap. I work a 9 to 5.
Whatever that means, "a 9 to 5."
I work 9 to 5 in a PR company. Okay? Does that mean something?
Yeah. It means a real shitty life.
-Yeah? And what do you do? -Nothing for now. I'm on welfare.
So, you're a parasite. You leech off the system, and you come moralize to me?
Something that's bugging me.
Aren't you supposed to be great at poker? And you live in this stank-ass apartment?
I'll keep my mouth shut, so I don't get myself in trouble.
-Shut up. I don't give a fuck. -Why are you so aggressive?
I just woke up. I've a headache. You bombard me with questions.
You keep breathing on me. No offense, but your breath stinks.
I ask one question, and you act mysterious!
I have a rotten tooth, that's why my breath stinks.
-If I tell you, you'll think I'm bragging. -That won't happen.
-You've no idea who you're talking to. -I think I have a pretty good idea.
Do you even know what crypto is?
What…
That scammer thing?
That scammer thing is gonna make me a millionaire.
Sure. As if you're a millionaire.
I didn't say I was. I said soon.
LOL!
Get out. Get your stuff. Take your Uber and get lost.
-Wait, I… Sorry. -Go ahead, leave.
BITCH
Relax. It's just, it feels like you think I'm a moron.
-I can tell you're not exactly a genius. -I can't think on an empty stomach.
Weren't you offering me
breakfast?
All right, I'll tell you.
I play it cool, but I love telling people.
Wait, Stéph, please, before touching anything.
-Yeah? -Go wash your hands, please?
I don't like spicy food in the morning, you get me?
I'm dead serious. You just wiped your ass.
-All right, dude. -Wait, use some soap.
So here's the deal.
I used to date a guy who was into crypto before anyone else.
-Yeah, okay. -He invested when it was worth nothing.
The guy made insane amounts of cash.
And before he dumped me, he got me to buy a ton of E-Trons.
-Of what? -E-Trons. It's the name of the crypto.
It's pronounced with an American accent.
It sounds a bit weird in French.
True.
So, your ex… How did he know that this thing would blow up?
With crypto, they need super polluting machines to mine.
Yeah, I know.
This one can actually be mined with less processing power than others.
-Okay. -It's more "eco-friendly."
Right.
Why did you say "right" if you don't get any of it?
Is it that obvious?
"Right. Okay."
-But… -You need to know this.
Everyone's on the lookout for the next Bitcoin.
-Yeah, exactly. -Yeah, I get it.
So, how much is it worth?
One E-Tron? 2,500. But that's nothing. It keeps rising.
2,500?
And how much you got? Minus the one you dropped five minutes ago.
Which was kinda gross. Not gonna lie.
Minus that one, I have 546.
And I disagree. It was a pretty cute poop.
Wait, shut up.
You have 1.3 million?
Fuck, you're good at math.
Yeah, I'm not just a flat ass.
I was kidding about your ass.
-I'd love to have the same ass. -Oh yeah?
Yeah. Come on. Get over here.
Hold on. Wait. Stéph.
I feel kinda assaulted.
Don't you wanna talk a bit? Get to know each other?
No.
All right.
Keep your mouth shut about all this, all right?
Who would I tell?
I have no friends.
You have no friends.
No, wait. Oh yeah? Straight up?
It's one way to get to know each other.
-Why does Butterfly want to see me? -Dunno.
He didn't say anything?
-You know what you did? -Nothing. What do you mean?
You can explain that to him.
Butterfly! How's it going, blood?
You wanted to see me? Make it quick, I gotta pick up my kid at daycare.
I swear I'm running late, bro.
What's with the frown, Butterfly?
-So, you come to my club to cheat? -What?
-The fuck you talking about, Butterfly? -Enough bullshit!
We caught you cheating on camera, you and your smelly girlfriend.
The one talking smart all night.
You're letting them mess with your head!
Butterfly, it's me! All we've been through?
-You came to eat at my house. -Shut up!
Butterfly, man. It's four years I've been working for you.
I got two kids to feed. You think I could do this?
I don't know if you could do this.
You won't no more. I guarantee it.
Yeah, I cheated, so what? Let go of me! I cheated, so what?
What are you gonna do? Doing zigzags with your butterfly knife.
You think you scare me?
With your goat face! What are you gonna do?
Do you know who I am? You know who's got my back?
All the guys from Trappes--
Look at me. Look at me before you go.
Do I scare you now?
With my goat face!
Damn it, Butter…
You're such a pain in the ass.
Why do you poke holes in everyone? You think they're cheese or what?
-He was disrespectful. -Because he said you have a goat face?
Deadass, you have a goat face!
You too? Cousins or not, I don't give a fuck!
Get lost, please. One day you'll stab me with that stupid knife you can't handle.
I'm in love with his sister.
I'm seeing her next week. What do I tell her?
I don't care about your sex life.
Of course you don't give a damn. You don't clean up the mess!
And also, this hobo's feet stink!
You know, I was up for Olympic wrestling.
Yeah. And I sucked off Chuck Norris.
-You actually look him. -You bastard.
No, for real, I was qualified and everything.
Then they accused me of doping due to my polycystic ovary syndrome.
Your what?
Basically, I produced too much testosterone.
And after they saw I was clean, they asked me to go on hormones.
-To be on the same level as the others. -Bastards.
I swear. So I dropped everything.
I get it. You didn't want to lose the beard.
Why am I talking to you? You don't know anything.
I don't know anything?
I was the English boxing champion in 2010.
-Yeah? Where's your belt? -Those bastards took it back.
They checked my blood,
and they found steroids, methamphetamine, clenbuterol--
Oh yeah? And you hadn't taken any?
Oh yes, I did. I was loaded.
-That explains your tiny balls. -What?
Between us, you got lucky.
You could've lost your hair too. That would suck.
Where's the controller? Let's play for a bit.
Come on, this game sucks shit.
No, you suck. I'm sure I'd own you in real life.
What are you saying? With your floppy arms? Let me smoke.
Damn, you can't throw a hook. I'll teach you how to.
-Oh yeah? -On your feet, Michelin Man. Come on.
Stéphanie, I'm Jean-Claude. Recognize me? I like you.
I'll teach you the secret to striking. It's all about the body weight transfer.
Transfer, Mbappé. Body, breasts.
Mbappé wants to squeeze your breasts. Stay sharp,
That's funny.
Don't laugh. It's pissing me off. I'll elbow you.
Line up your shoulders. One in front of the other. Let's go.
There.
That's a hook. You fucked me up, I swear.
Okay, my turn. Chuck Norris, you ready?
Of course I own you, you loser.
Stéph, it's too tight. Hold on.
Stop! Wait, you're going to break my arm.
Stop!
-Free yourself then! -How? Fuck! Teach me!
Grab my feet and push them upward. Go on. Then toward me.
Bastard.
-You turn me on. -What's this?
-A wrestling hold. -Oh yeah? I like it.
Your pussy's strong. Did it go to the Olympics?
Yes, it got a gold medal.
My dick didn't even get bronze. Wait.
-Don't squeeze hard. Loosen up. -Yeah?
-That's not a pretty face. -Yeah?
But it's fine.
-What are you doing? -Shut up.
-You're my whore. -I'm your whore.
-You'd hit the street for me? -Yeah, harder.
-Always harder. -Wait. Two seconds.
-What is it? -Take your shirt off.
Tupac's staring at me like he's gonna gun me down.
-Okay. -Hurry.
Holy shit. Damn, you've got big antennas.
You get Al Jazeera?
-Shut up. -Wait.
Wait.
Yeah. Go easy.
Why that face? Do I gross you out?
No, it's not you, baby.
I'm trying to think about gross things. It's a technique.
Oh yeah?
What things? It'll turn me on.
-No, it won't. -Yes, it will.
-Baby, trust me. -It'll turn me on. Tell me!
-You like it dirty? -I love it.
You like it real filthy? You sure?
I'm filthy. Tell me.
-Wanna know? -Yes!
I'm thinking of that bastard Éric Zemmour taking a dump on my chest!
That's definitely not a turn on!
Not the hair! Go on, yeah.
Come on, chop-chop. Let's see some energy because…
Fuck, I'm already late.
-Which way are you heading? -That way.
It's the complete opposite for me. Bummer. Right, give me a kiss.
You'll call me?
I'm knee-deep in year-end audits right now, so,
-I'm pretty busy. But we'll be in touch. -Okay.
Yeah.
I forgot an important file.
I need to get moving, I'm late. That's office life for you.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, sure. What's her deal?
Look! Rewind. What a headbutt! Zidane-style, bro!
I swear that sucker can't fight.
We look like the biggest bitches in Paris, and you laugh?
-The joker who beat you is still on loose. -We'll find him.
You won't find shit.
Put that dealer's body in acid before I throw you in.
Come on, get moving!
Calmly, bro.
Blockwork, go find that bitch he cheated with.
They'll see what happens.
All right, cousin. I'll go.
Picasso, did you see that doctor I told you to call?
No, but it's fine.
That's no longer a hand you got, it's a waffle.
Bro, I swear, I like you.
But with that face of yours, you know you gotta pay to get laid.
And with fucking inflation these days…
It's tough, honestly.
How will you whack off if you lose your hand?
You'll show up with blue balls, humping couches like a rabid dog.
We'll put you in a cage. That's no life.
Butterfly said the snake wasn't venomous.
Then fuck off with your waffle! For fuck's sake, man!
I swear I don't know how my cousin hires idiots like you.
-What do you mean, I can't stack coupons? -You can't, ma'am. That's all.
"That's all"? Is your dad the boss? I'm short.
-Ma'am, please. There are people in line. -Take this back.
-Come on, Steph. -This too. I don't want it. There.
You have to keep the frozen produce, or I'll have to dump it.
Then why not give it to me, moron?
-Watch your mouth. I'm not your friend. -You'll never be my friend.
Shut up. There's older people here.
Do you wanna pay for me?
-I'll slap you. -What are you gonna do?
-It's fine. I'll pay. -Asshole.
-What are you gonna do? -Calm down.
Listen to your dad!
She's out of control.
-Shut your mouth. -…buying an aircraft carrier! Leave!
-Enough. -Is this how it is?
This place used to be different! Is this how things are now?
-You let go of me. -What do you want? Hey, don't touch her!
-Enough. Leave now! -Let's go, come on.
-Stéph, there's something I don't get. -What is it?
Why not cash some out for groceries?
The more I wait, the more my money will grow.
It's basic math.
Yeah, but we wouldn't be fighting security at the store.
Bro, can't you see? I don't care what people think of me!
I can see that, don't worry,
I've been living simply for 25 years. I can keep going.
You could also be talking nonsense.
What did you say?
Stéph, you're saying you're a millionaire, but you argue with a cashier over coupons.
It's a bit weird, right?
What's this stereotype?
A millionaire can't struggle to pay for groceries?
Well, no.
-That's basic math. -Whatever.
I don't need you to believe me, or your pity or advice. Bye!
-Hold on, Stéph. -I said, don't talk to me!
-At least take the roses. -Go fuck yourself.
With your ugly mustache.
-You have one too, by the way. -Shut the fuck up.
Fuck.
It's upstairs. Come on.
No way.
There. Come on.
Fuck.
Cauliflower.
Come on, you're a fucking spider now?
I'll catch your ass on the other side. Come on, move.
Sir, I'm begging you!
Sir, please, I'm begging you, open your window. Sir, please.
Sir, I'm going to die! Damn it, wake up. Open the window, please.
Fucking shit.
No!
No wonder it stinks in here.
Shit.
Hey, Youssef. Sorry for waking you up at 6 p.m. on a Thursday…
It's 'cause I've been going to so many job interviews today.
-What a day. Don't think I slacked off. -I don't care.
Really?
I came to get my stuff and drop off my key.
There. Go back to sleep.
-Wait. -What?
I don't know. I never hear from you.
We had a nice thing going on. Anything you want to say?
Yes, there is.
My father stopped the rent transfer,
so if you want to stay, pay for it yourself.
You know what, your father is right.
I'm sick of this place too.
Just last night, I saw two devils fucking in the pool.
-Stop your bullshit. -You know you love my bullshit, baby.
You're right. It might be your only quality. Let me go.
Say it, your life sucks without me.
Say it, I know you're miserable.
It's true that sometimes I miss you.
But I feel a lot better now.
-Like when I quit smoking. -You're the one making jokes now?
-Yeah, I changed. -So did I, baby. I swear, I've changed.
It'll be really hard for me to trust anyone now.
That's why you gotta stay with me. You're doomed.
We'll get married. It'll all be better.
You know, Youssef…
If that's your real name.
Trust me, I didn't choose that one.
If you hadn't lied, I could have loved you, Youssef.
Damn it, baby, what are you saying? I've always loved you.
Can't you see I can't sleep at night?
There were no job interviews, that's another lie.
Yael, stop, listen.
I swear on my mother's life I'll never lie to you again.
You're so fucking beautiful when you cry.
Hold on, you have a little booger. There.
Do you love me?
Thiago!
Who is Thiago?
Thiago? He's my new roommate.
He was asking for a new cleaning lady. That explains the mess.
Hang on. Thiago?
Thiago, bro?
He's cool. He makes hip hop music.
-Enough, goodbye. -Wait. Thiago!
Let me go!
Thiago? Damn it, wait, I'll introduce you. He's nice.
Wait, Yael, fuck…
-Hey, baby, wait-- -Good luck to you.
Stéphanie, can you clean up the bathroom? It's filthy. Poop everywhere.
What do I pay you for? Baby, where are you going?
-I'm done! -Everyone lies! Why am I getting blamed?
-You're just a fucking loser! -You'll see when I drive by in a Maserati!
Pay the rent first!
The rent is a piece of cake. I've got Thiago.
We split 50-50.
Who are you to show up uninvited like that?
What's this cleaning lady nonsense?
My ex wants to make up with me.
What do I say? "Meet Stéph, the chick I've been banging all day"?
Didn't you see she was in tears? I'm not an asshole.
You could have found something else to say.
I had to say something. You're funny.
I get it. It's all about you.
I'm sorry. I've spent the day on socials, and I read some crazy shit.
What did you read?
A girl in Poitiers. Some guys heard that she had 30k worth of crypto,
they showed up at her place, tied her to a chair and raped her!
Now I've become paranoid. I feel like someone is following me.
Come on, Stéph. You have 27 followers.
-You're fine. Relax. -I should relax.
You are all red. You look weird. Like an imp.
So, could you hold on to my flash drive for a while?
All your E-Trons fit in this crappy skull?
Yeah, and if I lose it, it's all gone. Forever.
Hold on, Stéph. What you're asking is a huge responsibility.
I'm not giving you the secret code.
And why not?
Well, if you get caught, we're not screwed.
I mean, "not screwed," "not screwed…"
I don't wanna get my ass pounded in Poitiers.
If everything goes well until I sell my E-Trons…
-Right, buddy. -…I'll let you have, like…
-…a quarter of my tokens. -Wait. I'm not sure I heard right.
You said a quarter or a third?
-A third? -No, you're pushing it.
I'm pushing it? Imagine this situation.
Picture it.
Stop, it's Stéph's crypto!
I'm not involved! I don't even know what that skull is! Not in the ass…
All right, take everything.
-So, it's worth a third? Deal? -Not a third. Forget it.
Is that how it is? Okay, take your drive back,
and leave me out of your Poitou bullshit.
Okay.
Okay then, you are a real penny-pincher.
I swear… Come on, show me your hands. A real crab claw.
You're so greedy.
So take it then!
-Okay, a third then. -You're the greedy one.
Who cares? We've been talking about a quarter, a third, one half, a pint.
-Anyway, what's yours is mine. -Yes.
We're not materialistic. Right, my little crab?
Careful with your claws.
Guys, as soon as I get my share,
I'll pay my debts, invest in real estate, drive a Rolls Phantom,
and I'll have four kids with Yael. Four little rascals. You'll see.
All it takes is a flash drive, and you think you're a millionaire?
Yeah. Why not?
Yeah, why not? Why not give away a third of one's fortune to some guy? For what?
To keep an eye on the crypto? That makes sense.
What's wrong with you? What do you want?
Youss! Back when I met you, you'd mindfuck the hottest girls.
Now you're getting played by an alcoholic.
She's an alcoholic. So?
Do you know her life? Shut up, loser.
Legit, I looked into crypto. I made a couple side investments…
-There he is, that son of a bitch. -E-Tron is hot.
The value keeps climbing.
-Yeah? What now, you jealous… -Hey.
What are you doing?
Fuck!
-Come here! -Let him go!
Come on, get up.
Move, please!
Wait!
Please stop.
Stop moving.
Come on, fuck him up.
-Butterfly… -There's no Butterfly.
Get on your feet.
You disgust me.
Listen to me.
I swear I'll pay back everything, bro.
You think you can make a mess and when we catch you,
you can just pay us back?
I'll ask you a question now.
What question?
Should I cut out your tongue, or your dick?
What good is my tongue if I have no dick?
Pull down his pants.
-Wait, Butterfly! -Don't move!
I'll give you 50,000 in three months. 50,000!
Drop your pants!
Okay, 100,000. Wait, please.
I'll give it to you, on my mother's life.
-I'm onto a hot deal. -300K.
You got ten days, baldy.
Perfect, bro.
-Thank you. -Get lost now.
300,000 is a bit much, but I'll find it.
I'm onto something crazy.
You're gonna lose it, bro. Look at me.
If in ten days, you don't have the cash, on my own life,
I'll cut my dick off myself.
I'll even eat it with you.
Get lost with your weird dick shenanigans. Go, you fucking loser!
Butterfly, can I…
Can I get my hair back, please?
Thanks, bro.
My hair.
You're a good man.
Are you actually going to eat his dick?
You dummy…
How is my little prime rib?
Fine, and you, fam?
Hey, tell me… Are my bruises obvious?
-Yeah, like crazy. -Yeah?
What happened?
A sparring session with Ciryl Gane.
Between us, I held my own.
More like you got owned, right?
True. I gotta go to work now.
Okay, got it. I'll go.
No, what are you doing? Keep your love handles nice and warm.
-Really? -Really.
Good luck at work then.
Give me a dirty kiss.
-What are you doing? -We have time, no?
No. I have a presentation in five minutes.
I can't, come on, Stéph…
Don't worry, tonight I'll fold you in half.
-Awesome. -Yeah.
-I'll be your little sheet of paper. -I'll cut you in pieces.
But bro, why do you keep lying? It's insane.
She was there when you fought the entire casino.
Wasn't she?
So what? You serious with this watch?
So talk to her. She'll cash out some of her crypto.
You give it to Butterfly, end of story.
You're doing the same BS as with your ex.
Can't you see you're the one pushing me to do that shit?
-For real? -I learned my lesson.
It doesn't look like it.
Life is simple, brother.
Once you start lying, you can never tell the truth. That's it.
-So that's the lesson you learned? -All right.
Look. What happens every time I listen to you?
Shit just gets worse, bro. I look like a cyclops.
-Now it's my fault? -Of course it is! Who else?
-Too much. -Keep your shitty ideas to yourself.
I have a plan, don't worry.
I pretend I work all day long. Act like I don't care about her money.
I'll take her fat ass to the fair,
buy her Nutella churros, shove it in her mustache, and that's it…
Once she sells, I'll pay my debts, call Yael, and fuck off, Stéphanie!
How many chicks you been with since Stéph?
None, so what?
Even when you were with Yael, you always fucked around.
You're hooked.
What? She's ugly.
You have no respect, bro.
Stop the car, please. I'm gonna walk a bit.
We're at Porte d'Ivry. Not even close.
Like I give a fuck. I have eight hours to kill.
Drop me off in Picardy if you like. I'll walk back.
Check my blind spot real quick.
This whole car is the blind spot.
Shitty British car, I can't see a thing.
Okay, ciao.
-Youss? -What?
If you have time to kill, come help with the cars. I'd love to have you.
-You're good-looking, a smooth talker… -Forget it…
Your cars are just as busted as your advice.
For real?
Is this car for real?
Then get lost, loser.
-What's up with you? -Fuck off!
I mention cars, and you lose it.
-Get out! -Don't touch me.
-Get the fuck out! -Back off or I'll smack you.
-Bum. -Sucker…
My door handle!
-Here's your shitty door handle. -Son of a bitch!
What did you say?
What did I tell you about moms?
Why do you care? You don't even know yours.
Damn it. Open the door. Zak, open, you motherfucker!
-These are Fendi? -Yeah, Fendi.
-Is this real leather? -It's not real leather, but…
Come on, it looks like plastic.
-Come on… -Okay, it's fine. How much?
It's 220 for both.
How often do I come here?
You have no clients. Give me a break, please. 200.
Okay, come on, sure. Fine, bro.
Bro, here, hold this. You hungry?
Want a fruit pouch?
Do I look like a hobo?
Wait. I have five euros. It's a down payment.
-No, bro, a five… -I only have a 500. What do we do?
-I'll take it. -You'll take it?
-Of course. -Why didn't you so?
You crazy or what?
I'll give you the 500. Can you add… You got Louis Vuitton?
-I do. -That Louis Vuitton right there.
Okay.
Damn it.
Hey, catch him!
-Hey, girls. -Hello.
-Sorry to bother you. Here's the deal… -Sure.
I have a flight in two and a half hours.
I was passing by a showroom. The guy said I was handsome…
-I work for Fendi. -Did they beat you up?
No, it's not related. I also box on the side.
Spokesmodel, influencer… You can have two bags.
I told him, I work in the turbine industry.
Is 300 good for you? 300 euros?
How about 150? 150 euros?
-I'll get some cash. Be right back. -For the beach…
-Hold on. -What?
-There's no label. -The new models don't have labels.
-It's destiny. I have 200 in my pocket. -No way! Stop playing!
Fuck off with your bags, scammer. You thought you could scam me?
-What's your deal, Bogdanoff? -Go wash your hair.
-Bastard. -Put that away.
Do I look like I wear Fendi, bro?
You look like I'm about to punch you. Get lost.
-Seriously, dude? -Move. You look like a communist.
-Fine, 20 bucks. -Seriously?
Yeah, all right.
It's a fake anyways.
Gently.
-Hurry up, please. -Guys, it's him.
Hey! Stop!
Hey! Check out this little hottie.
-You okay? -How was your day?
You know, the usual.
I'm always doing everyone's job in this shitty company.
Stupid Martine can't even use a copy machine. Pisses me off.
No one mentioned your messed up face?
Yeah, about that…
I had to admit that I'm a victim of domestic abuse.
Get ready, social services will pick you up in the morning.
Social services… What's up, man?
Who is this?
Najeeb. A friend. He needed help to prepare for his audition tomorrow.
What kind of audition?
Don't worry. It's ethical feminist porn.
There'll be hits from all sides. Like,
Not at all. It's a sad love story.
Kind of like a tragedy, you know?
It's for Netflix, so it'll be a shitty movie.
But I need to get this one. Artus is in it.
-Artus, really? -Artus.
Right, huge movie.
We have one scene left. Is it okay if he stays for dinner?
-Actually… -Why would he mind? My man is super chill.
Hands off, please.
Okay, I see why… Okay.
I told you he was cool.
-What's your name? -I'm Thiago.
Thiago? Are you sure?
I don't want to talk to you.
Stéph doesn't realize. She's an awesome actress.
You'd believe anything she says. She can invent a whole life, full improv.
Stop it. You're way better.
Better how? I suck. I fail all my auditions.
I didn't even get that stupid cheese ad.
You keep trying to get white guy roles.
Have you seen the roles they want me to play?
Dealers, robbers, or sucking dick in an indie movie? No.
He'd be perfect for that.
-Funny guy. -I wasn't joking.
You could always finance my film with your crypto.
Totally.
Amazing tiramisu.
What am I doing? Where am I? Paris or Naples?
I close my eyes, I see Vespas everywhere.
Tell you what, forget the film.
We should open a restaurant together.
Are you done? That's good, what's your deal?
Onto your fifth bottle? Is your nose not red enough?
She's fine. She looks like Kate Moss.
Are you done kissing ass?
Great.
It's a piece of shit. Why are you taking a picture?
-No, calm down. -No…
Hear me out.
Pick any car you want and I'll drive you around.
Assalamu alaikum, bros! Wanna take her for a ride?
Isn't that just a Toyota?
Good call. You got a good eye, dawg.
Are you trying to embarrass us?
No, you clearly know your shit.
-I wanted to be nice. -Listen, long-hair.
Wanna make us happy? Tell us about your pal who trashed our place.
-Who? Youss? -I don't know.
-He changes his name every day. -Sounds like him.
He said he's onto something.
True? Or should I kill him?
No, it's true. It's a big deal.
I think we're talking millions.
Millions? Stop stuttering. Spill it.
Youss is my bro. I'd rather not talk about stuff that doesn't concern me.
I don't want to fuck you up with your customers around, so try.
Heard of cryptocurrency, guys?
Yeah, I know about it. Bitcoin, Ethereum, and all.
I got pretty fucked by that scam.
Youss got with a chick who won big with her investments.
Actually, you know her.
The one who destroyed him at poker that night he went berserk.
No shit, she destroyed him. The ugly bitch was in on a con with the dealer.
Yeah? Not cool.
Go on, spill it!
She's staying with him.
He's waiting for her to sell her crypto to pay you back.
I swear he's going to do it. It's true.
No stress, buddy.
We won't hurt your friend.
And you never saw us, right?
No, I saw no one.
Come back anytime, guys.
You don't want us to come back. I swear. And you know it.
For real, I don't.
Good talk, guys.
If we come back, I'd like to go for a ride in one of those trashcans.
Listen, I'll stab you if you do. Got it?
Whatever…
-Externalize it. Fat. -Fat.
-Love handle. -Love handle.
-Come on, fat! -Fat.
-Love handle, fat. -Love handle, fat.
Fat, love handle.
-Please, Stéph. -Sorry, you make me laugh.
Try a dodge. Come on.
Love handle, fat, love handle…
-Okay. -Go.
Love handle, fat, dodge.
You're pissing me off. Do it properly.
Michelin Man! More… I told you, externalize it. Go.
-Michelin Man! -More energetic. Michelin Man!
-Michelin Man… -Come on.
-Michelin Man! -Guard up.
You're doing it wrong.
You're actually insane. Fuck off with your Michelin Man.
-I'm sorry… -I'm done. You pissed me off.
Let me smoke in peace.
What are you doing?
Your piece of junk isn't moving.
I'll check it when we get home.
Something's wrong. Maybe the spark plug?
Come on, push with me.
Now we're gaining speed!
There's something I should tell you, Stéph!
What is it?
I'm suicidal.
I'm going to fucking kill myself!
Turn your head.
-Like that? -Nice and ugly. Go on.
Wait, I'll dance for you.
Come on, Balladur. Dance like Edouard…
SHARED 4 PHOTOS
You're not paying attention.
Stupid fucking shitty spark plug.
Loosen up, for fuck's sake.
My beauty.
No, baby, stop.
-Hey you, stop! -Be careful!
Stop!
PLUM TREE
That waiter pissed me off.
"Chocolate canapé on a bed of dyslexic raspberry."
Relax, bro, it's just mousse.
Enough, Stéph, close your mouth.
It's gross. Like someone pooped in your mouth.
-You're so gross. -Oh yeah?
You better get used to it.
Once I sell everything, we're going to restaurants like this every day.
Yeah, speaking of which…
When is the vida loca?
-Soon. You're not finishing your dessert? -No. Here.
-Thanks. -Like, "soon soon" or just "soon"?
Soon just means soon…
Stéph, you keep saying "soon," but nothing happens.
I'll know when, stop bothering me about this.
You ruined my appetite.
I mean… After everything you ate… Okay, "soon," then.
Are you done?
Yeah, we're done.
May I offer you coffee or a digestif?
I don't drink, but I might give in if you keep going with that cute accent.
-Where are you from? -Try to guess…
Algeria?
We'll just take the check. Thanks a lot.
What's her deal?
-She's doing her job. -You think I didn't see you?
What? I liked her accent.
Can't I like accents? It feels like traveling.
Speaking of travel… Do you wanna travel, just us?
Yeah, totally. If you want. Yeah.
Say I sold everything tomorrow. Where would you take me?
An idea, don't think about it.
I'll take you to a plastic surgeon.
Because?
Your forehead.
Why? You don't like it?
Oh no, I do, it's perfect. For landing a 747.
Mayday. Requesting emergency landing on Stéphanie's forehead.
Request granted.
We're gonna crash…
Are you serious right now?
I'm not funny?
Only when you're joking, not when you mean it.
By the way, what will you do with your cut?
Besides never see me again?
What's wrong with you?
Come on, I'm not dumb. I know you think I'm not hot enough…
That's nonsense. There's something you don't understand.
Once you get rich,
you're gonna really step it up. Money makes everyone look good.
Take CR7. He used to look like Beetlejuice.
I'm not getting surgery.
How often do I have to tell you I don't give a shit what people think?
Like this lame dress you made me wear.
I look like a cheap hooker.
Money won't change me, okay?
What are you looking at?
Hey, Stéph.
Of course, baby. Relax.
We're not like that, looks don't matter to us.
But your chin could still use a little work.
Okay, that's enough. I'm leaving.
Wait, Stéph.
-Leave me alone. -I'll pay and be right there.
Good evening.
Hello?
Wait. What do you mean, the jet isn't ready?
You know how much it cost me? Of course you don't, you hobo on welfare.
Sorry. Now you listen here…
-None of that, let me handle this. -Sir.
Yes, one second. Listen.
I'll fly my helicopter to Monaco…
Sir. Can you pay the bill, please?
Sorry, I…
Do you take Amex?
Yes.
Then add a 100-euro tip.
Okay. Thanks.
And throw in your number too.
Okay, fine. You'll stay right here, yes?
Don't worry. I won't move.
I'll be right back.
What was I saying?
I'll show up with the briefcase and the money. You'll understand then…
-Sir! -Just kidding!
I don't have a helicopter! I'm broke!
Hey, bro. Are you sure this guy has money?
Hey, the pilots!
Don't even try with your "pilots," man.
Gimme my dog back.
What's this shit? The engine sucks, the car is hella slow.
Why do you wanna go fast?
Speed limit is 50. You're in Paris, bro.
I told you, bro, he's a fraud.
Guys, what matters is to look cool. You looked cool. Especially you.
Hands off. I'm not your buddy.
Want me to fuck you up?
Give me the money back, or I'll fuck you up. Is that clear?
-It's clear, but it's a bit rude. -Stop smiling, dude.
Pay me back, or I'll break your skinny ass. Is that clear?
-Let him go. What's going on? -He wants his 80 euros back.
All this for 80 euros. Give it up. Can't you see they're just losers?
Give me the cash. End of story. Cheapskate.
Sorry, bro. Here.
-Thanks. You're a good man. -I'm a good man?
Take a look at me before you say that.
I said, look at me.
If you don't want me to take your fat, ginger head and shove it up his dog's ass,
take Covid-face and get the fuck out of here.
Sorry, but have you seen the size of his head?
No way it fits.
It's funny, Ratatouille? It won't fit? Wanna try?
It might actually fit in the dog's ass. So, that cash you got in your pants…
-I'm never going to see it again, am I? -Big head, quick thinker.
Yeah, I understand quickly, but… The cash, can I…
Come on. Just shut up.
Get lost. I'll hit you. Get the fuck outta here.
-No lips on your mouth… -Can't fight a guy like that…
Hey, Zak. We need to talk, brother.
Can you pass me a bit of cash, bro? I'm in deep shit.
The 80 bucks you stashed aren't enough?
I swear to God, I'm losing it, bro!
I'm in deep shit.
Bro, I swear…
I told Boris not to post that picture.
That bastard, you'll see. So, he's on the yacht with my ex
while I'm with a tramp who pees with the door open?
I learned something about Stéphanie you won't like.
What? What now?
Remember that poker game?
Thiago, boss man. Check him out, walking like a model, left, right…
Shut up.
You good? Had a nice day? You've been busy?
Yeah, real busy. You?
-Still haven't learned how to clean? -And your work?
How's Martine's copy machine?
Any news from your card dealer friend?
You're the one lecturing me?
Liar. Think I don't know you're broke?
Guys, I'm gonna bounce. Stéph, give me a spliff and I'll be gone.
Yeah, I'm broke.
You wanna know why?
There's a cheater who's been playing me.
Any paper? Then I'm out.
Get outta here. Get fucking lost.
Hey! Calm down! It wasn't personal!
Walid knew I had debts, so he hooked me up at his club.
He said it'd be easy. He'd been doing it with other bitches…
Walid's the card dealer? You dated that loser before me?
Yes. Since then, everyone's after me. That's why I fled my place.
So that's it. You were bluffing with your crypto bullshit.
What are you saying? That's a whole other story.
How the fuck did I get played by such a dumbass?
Boris was right after all. I gotta say, you're good.
Well played, I won't lie.
Now listen carefully.
Gather all your shit, your fake E-Trons, and get the fuck outta here.
I never want to see your ugly face again. Now get outta here, fucking hobo.
Nobody feels sorry for you.
Stop it. Cut the actor's tears.
By the way, your buddy's wrong. You're not that good an actress.
What? What are you waiting for? I said, get lost. Get out!
Thiago, it wasn't personal.
I never betrayed you. I didn't know you!
I know, sorry. Sorry, baby.
"Sorry," my ass. Now listen.
I'll take a walk while you gather your stuff.
And as soon as I'm back, you're out of my life, got it?
Fucking tramp.
Stop with the sobbing. It won't work on me.
Stéph, it's Najeeb. I'm worried about you. You okay?
No, I'm not. Thiago kicked me out.
No big deal. Don't be sad. Best thing that could happen.
Go on, open up, I'll help you with your boxes.
Okay, coming.
-I'm sorry. I had to, they threatened me. -Move. Come here, you bitch.
Move it. You're a fucking joke, dude.
I've been thinking, bro.
We're going to do copy trading. Heard of it?
Ponzi schemes and all.
We'll make a video showing how you became a millionaire.
With a couple of rented cars behind you. We spam all socials…
Hey! What happened? Where is Stéph?
Hold on…
Where are you, loser? If I catch you, I'll fuck you up.
I'm gonna kill you with my own hands.
You think you're Popeye?
Die.
So, you remember me?
Well, no, bro. You're wearing a ski mask.
Youssef told us about the crypto.
Who is Youssef?
Whose house are we at?
Tell me where that drive is, or you'll die like Walid, the card dealer.
Walid…
Drag her out. I'll get her to talk.
Let's go, Cauliflower.
-Let go of me. -Move, come on. Shut up!
-Stop wiggling, you bitch. Hold on to her. -Let me go!
Put her down!
-Stéph! -I'm coming!
Are you okay?
Why did you tell them about the crypto? Are you dumb or what?
Did you stop to think?
Zak must have squealed!
-I said, "Keep your mouth shut!" -You tell everybody about your crypto.
Even Najeeb jokes about it!
E-Tron's over, anyway. It's crashing in one hour.
-Are you for real? -Yeah, it's under a 51% attack.
What's this now, 51%?
There's a flaw in the consensus algorithm--
Cut the crap! Be clear, damn it. What consensus?
No one will be able to sell their E-Tron.
Everything will freeze and lose all value. Is that clear, asshole?
What are we waiting for, baby? We have to sell now.
What do we do? Hey!
-We have to sell! -Stop now.
-I want to get off. Stop, asshole! -You're hurting me. Careful.
Stop it!
Stop, for fuck's sake! Stop!
What's wrong with you, you psycho?
You don't care about me. You just want my cash.
It's not about that.
It totally is!
If I hadn't mentioned my crypto, you would've left me! Right, Youssef?
Okay.
There's something you gotta understand.
I never thought I'd fall for someone like you.
Okay?
What do you mean, someone like me?
Come on, Stéph.
Not gonna lie, you're…
You're kind of ugly.
-Okay. -No, but…
-The flash drive. -You don't get it.
It was a compliment.
Get off. Give me the drive and leave.
-Are you dumb? -You're calling me dumb? The drive!
Here, your drive. But Stéph… Wait. Stéph, hey!
When I say ugly, I mean that looks don't matter between us!
Like I'm with my best buddy!
Your best buddy, great!
Of course it's great! My girlfriend's my best friend. It's awesome!
You never make a fuss. You're always generous.
You don't care what people think. That's why I'm hooked!
You let out nasty farts, and I laugh my ass off!
I've never had that before. Fuck.
Stéphanie, I'm telling you, you're a real girl.
Then why do you criticize my looks?
It's just that I used to date girls that were way hotter but less fun than you!
In the end, I'd rather be with you 1,000 times.
You know, you didn't need to lie to me, Youssef.
I didn't care that you were bald and broke.
I fucking know! That's why I love you!
Stéph!
Come on, grab her. By the feet.
Come on, quick.
Cauliflower, drive!
Son of a bitch!
Damn it, that bald motherfucker is still here!
Be careful!
The ammo!
Butterfly!
Let him go, or I'll blow his brains out!
-Let him go! -Okay.
What are you doing? She's a woman!
-You sit down! -Okay, fine.
-So, love birds… -Cauliflower, go under the bridge.
You're fucked, both of you.
-The password you gave us better be right. -I'm not playing you.
Is it working?
-Bluetooth is cutting out. -Did you install the app?
-I followed the tutorial. -Put in the password.
I'm trying to listen to this bitch. It's in English.
I'm not Michael Jackson!
There! Now it's connected. Fine.
It's connected!
See? You always underestimate me, beardo.
So?
What's this scam?
-It shut off? -Yeah, I guess the battery is dead.
-You have to charge this thing? -Of course.
And where's the charger?
At Youssef's. But you only have 20 minutes before it crashes.
-What? -What don't you get?
-It's the crypto that's going to crash. -What do we do?
You said, "I got this. Blockchain, Bitcoin…"
You didn't bring the charger, son of a bitch.
Watch it with the sons of bitches, okay?
I don't like it when they talk about moms.
Yeah, buddy. The thing is, his mother is my mother's little sister.
That idiot is insulting his aunt. See?
-My grandad-- -Gonna describe the whole family?
Don't move!
Nobody moves or he's toast. Put your implants against the wall.
I said, go to the corner!
-She's strong but not very pretty. -Shut up.
Grab the drive and get out. I'll join you outside.
-You sucking her off? -Shut up.
Now you listen to me.
I'm getting out, and once I'm outside, you bitches--
You son of a bitch!
Catch her, Cauliflower!
-No! Help! -Stop!
Please, don't hurt me. I'm begging you. Take it!
-It's okay! -I'm giving it to you.
Get up, motherfucker! Let go of my cousin!
Youssef!
Stand up, you little bitch.
Finish him off. I said, finish him off!
No!
Stéph! Get in the van!
Get up. They're leaving, man.
Get up. You weigh 1,000 pounds. Help me out!
I told you you'd end up stabbing me with that stupid knife.
It's nothing. A drop of blood, and you flip out?
Are you a man or a bitch, bro?
Right now, I'm a huge bitch.
-Come on, bro… -Go get the money. Grab the gun.
Leave me. Just let me die. I said, let me die.
If I let you die, who's going to laugh with me?
You haven't laughed once in your entire life.
Let's see your smile.
Not that smile! It's scary, motherfucker!
-That devil won't let us go! -What?
That's him on the bike?
Of course it's him! Who else?
With that demon face.
What's he doing?
Careful!
I'm gonna fucking get him.
-I'm gonna fucking get him! -What's going on?
Hey! Where did you get that?
Go on, baby. Fuck him up!
No.
Careful!
-You get him? -Fuck, I busted my shoulder.
Hold it straight! This isn't GTA!
-Stop yelling at me! Tell me what to do! -Use both hands!
-Like this? -Yeah!
-What do I do? -Close one eye!
Fuck, move your head back!
-Motherfucker! -Sorry, baby.
You fucked my eardrum.
Son of a bitch.
Okay? Is he dead?
-You killed him? -I didn't touch him.
But you emptied the fucking clip! What the hell?
-I know. -You really suck!
He's coming!
Fuck, this guy is insane!
Stéph, fuck.
Stéph, can you hear me?
Can you hear me, my love?
Easy. Don't move. Be careful. Are you okay?
Paris emergency services. How can I help you?
Hello? Please send an ambulance to Opéra Square.
Don't move.
Do you need help? Don't look.
It's okay. It happens.
Hurry up, please.
Fuck, I ruined my outfit. Damn it.
You crashed through a windshield. Who gives a fuck?
-I'll buy another one. Don't worry. -It hurts everywhere.
You're fine. You're beautiful.
Get out of here.
Let's put you in the recovery position.
Take it easy now. What are you doing?
Fuck off! I'll shoot!
Leave, before it's too late.
It's over for me, anyway.
It's not over, you son of a bitch!
Hey, come on, give me a break. Here.
Take your drive and get lost.
What are you doing?
My love. We're going to die together.
We're gonna die together, my love, okay?
-Be strong. Be happy. -I'm the only one dying like this.
Don't worry, I think the bullet will go through.
Fuck!
Your gun's jammed!
You got the password and the drive. What else do you want?
Get lost, with your busted leg.
Hey, Stéph. Listen.
-You have to talk until help arrives. -Yes.
The ambulance is five minutes away, okay?
-It's coming. Stop moving. -I'm going to die. I'm scared.
You're not gonna die.
I'll take you home to Algeria.
-Remember I said I was Brazilian? -Yes.
I look like a makroudh. Brazil is no place for me.
Right?
We'll go to Sétif. I have a goat farm.
You're gonna love them. There's Harok,
Sorok, Zouleikha, Troboko, and Mufteh.
Yeah. Good. Keep laughing. It's good.
It hurts when I laugh.
At least it keeps you awake. Listen. You're so pretty…
-Youssef? -Yes?
You won't forget me?
Stop saying I'll forget you.
-We'll spend our lives together. -You promise?
Stop it, I'm here. The ambulance is on its way.
-Don't be foolish. -Okay.
Don't worry.
Stéph. Hey! What is this? Hey, Stéph?
Stéph…
Hey!
Help!
Stéph…
No, Stéph!
Stéphanie Boulard's family…
Yes.
-Follow me, please. -Yes.
-It was you who brought my daughter in? -Yeah.
Let's go, please.
Yes, coming.
I need a little favor.
Can you drive her home later?
I have a huge online Call of Duty session in less than an hour.
EMERGENCY
Would you mind?
No. Sure, fine. No problem.
Cool.
Yes, so?
Your daughter, I must warn you, it's going to be tough.
-You're always overdramatic… -She crashed through a windshield, sir.
She's used to it.
Hey, Youssef…
-This message might be a mistake… -Just jump off the boat.
Leave me alone.
-What? What is it? -She's gone…
She's dead?
I just lost the love of my life.
If you'd like, you can keep something to remember her by.
I dunno, take anything. A sock…
-What? -Yes. Smells help people to remember.
-She still had her foot fungus? -Dad! You are annoying!
Why do you always take it too far?
Don't yell at me.
I put on a show. Tears and all.
-He totally bought it. Look at him. -Dad, you…
Go on, you ruined my joke. Go, please.
You're harsh.
Right, I'm off, my little corkscrew.
-Go on, go! -Fine, I gotta go get that top rank.
I'm gone.
Are you serious with that prank?
So I'm the love of your life?
Of course you're the love of my life! That prank was awesome.
And your dad's awesome. We have the same haircut.
Hold on. Were you able to sell?
-Well, no… It was you or the millions. -What did you do with the flash drive?
I gave it to Butterfly.
The guy tries to kill us, and you give it to him?
Are you mad at me because I chose to save your life?
All you did was hold my hand. You think that's what saved me?
Fuck, I knew I should've chosen the money.
Think I wouldn't have hunted you down?
You'd be dead, crazy bitch!
Look at you…
You look like Freddy Krueger.
And what if I told you I cashed out in time?
You're lying.
Of course I'm lying.
You're still buying this whole E-Tron story?
You're so funny.
You say that because I look like a clown?
No, because I love you.
You're so handsome.
I love you too.
-Am I hurting you? -A little, but it's fine.
Wait.
So…
You never had anything?
What do you think?
You had a little bit…
There was nothing at all.
All this for nothing?
No, all this for us.
ALL-TIME HIGH
Subtitle translation by: Michael Evans